#I can’t help being in an angsty mood lately

[babygirlwolverine]

pulling off onto the hard shoulder, the emotions threatened to choke dean and swallow him whole.

cas was gone. again.

but this time, dean knew it was for good. all the times before, he’d felt lost without a tether. aching and raw. but this time… he felt hollowed out and empty, shattered into shards that would never fit together again. because it wasn’t just cas that was gone. a piece of dean had gone with him.

his heart wasn’t intact anymore. it never would be again.

cas was sucked into the void, and dean’s love was gone with it.

sobs ripped from his throat; a loneliness sinking into his bones as he sat in the impala, on the shoulder of the road, and cried.

with his heart breaking on the empty interstate, dean choked out the words he hadn’t gotten to say. “goodbye, cas.”

[niallhorxns]

Niall Horan x Reader: Worth Fighting For

Prompt: The distance while he's on tour is difficult, you and Niall try to make it work.

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: none

A/N: Hi all!! So excited to be writing again. Please enjoy this slightly angsty, short fic. And please feel free to send any / all Niall requests my way :)

Niall’s contact photo pops up on your phone. The ringer interrupts the song you were playing through your car speakers, but before you even slide to answer, you already know the sound of his voice is going to be way better than whatever poppy tune had been on.  

“Hey babe,” you smile widely, trying to balance your phone between your ear and shoulder as you drive home from work. The fact that you would be seeing Niall tonight has been the only thing keeping you smiling throughout the day. Not even the heavy traffic can interfere with your good mood.  

Since you’ve been together, you’ve dealt with Niall spending long hours at the studio– and occasionally taking long weekend trips to Ireland or New York. But this tour was so much more difficult than any of that. 

When Niall left for his latest tour, you both were dedicated to making things work. You planned FaceTimes and phone calls and flew in to see him whenever you could. However, the last few months had been harder than you could have ever anticipated, and the distance had definitely taken a toll on your relationship. 

But right now, none of that mattered, because Niall would be home tonight.  

“Hey there,” Niall says back. You can hear chatter in the background and briefly wonder if he’s landed yet.  

“Are you almost home?” You ask, hopeful.

There’s a brief pause, then Niall sighs. “That’s actually what I was calling about—“

“Oh no,” you interrupt. “Was the flight delayed?”

“No…” he clears his throat, “I’m actually still in New York.”

The moment he says the words, your coffee canister slips from your hands, spilling over your lap and car. The heat immediately seeps through your skirt. You’re lucky you don’t crash as you try to wipe it up with the napkins stuffed in your cup holder.  

“Shit,” you gasp, your thighs burning from the hot beverage. “Shit, shit, shit—“  

“Baby?” You hear his worried voice through the line. 

You flip your blinker on and pull over on the side of the road. You wipe up the remainder of the coffee, ignoring Niall asking if everything was okay on the other end of the line.  

Once your legs no longer feel like they’re on fire, you pick your phone back up, and already on the verge of tears resume your conversation.

“Are you serious?” You ask. “I thought you had three nights off.”

“I know– I do, but we got the opportunity to play on Fallon, my agent booked it–“ 

You can tell he’s trying to dodge a fight, which you’ve been doing a lot of lately. Last week you were mad when he canceled your FaceTime date to go out with bandmates instead. The week before that, he was frustrated that you declined his offer to fly you out to Denver with less than a day's notice.

Seeing each other today has been what you were both holding onto. Or at least that’s what you thought.

“Why do you have to play Fallon, Niall? It’s not like you’re desperate to grow your image–”

“I know, but it’s a good opportunity to expand to other listeners–”

You sigh, and without raising your voice say,  “I just… We’ve had these dinner plans for so long— I mean my parents have been talking about this for weeks.“

“I know, I know, I know—“ he says frantically, “I’m so sorry, believe me, I’d much rather be there than here… this place is nuts.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, and close your eyes, listening to the sound of traffic rushing by your parked vehicle.  

“Okay,” you sigh, feeling so defeated and drained all of a sudden. “Okay, well, we’ll miss you.”

“I know, tell everyone I say I’m sorry for not being there.”

“Yeah, alright,” you agree.  

“So we’ll just talk later then?” He asks, the noise in the background getting louder.  

“Okay,” you say before hanging up. 

You can’t help but notice that the “I love you’s” were skipped.  

You drive the rest of the way home with your fingers tightly clutching the steering wheel. Your knuckles are white by the time you pull into the driveway. You drag your bag and coffee-stained self into the house to change and get ready for dinner with your family.  

You try convincing yourself that the night will be fun, regardless of the fact that Niall bailed.  But the moment you sit around the table at the restaurant and count that you are in fact the ninth wheel of the family, you know things are doomed. Plus you can’t shake the achy feeling inside your chest that makes you fear for your relationship with Niall. You’d been holding onto this weekend together with everything you had. It’s kept you grounded, and reminded you that this distance between you and Niall won’t last forever– that this tour will eventually end. 

Except now, you have nothing to hold on to.  

“Where’s Niall?” Your mother immediately asked. Of course she does– because your family loves Niall. 

Without even thinking, you lie, “His flight got delayed. Bad weather. Tornadoes, I think—“  you’re not sure why you don’t tell the truth. Denial, maybe. Embarrassment that his job would always come before you.

“Bad weather?” Your brother asks, “Where is he?”

“New York,“ you say quickly. 

Your brother pulls out his phone. After a moment his brows furrow. “Huh, weird. The weather app says it’s sunny and clear there.”

Instantly you feel your face turning red. “Yeah… weird,” you say. 

Your brother opens his mouth– probably to ask more questions, but his girlfriend elbows him, indicating for him to shut his mouth. You give her a soft smile in appreciation.

You stay quiet for the majority of the meal, and you don’t feel much like eating. You try to listen to your dad talk about golf, but all you can focus on is how Niall might chime into the conversation. You try to listen to your older brother when he complains about his meal, but all you can imagine is how Niall would nudge your leg and offer you a sly smile, knowing how much that annoyed you. 

You can’t be present because all you can do is think about how much you miss him– you miss his laugh, and the smell of his aftershave. You miss how warm hands always are, and how they’re always touching you– every chance he can get. You miss the way he can always lighten the mood, and how safe you feel just knowing he’s around. You miss him with everything inside of you– and his absence tonight only makes you miss him more. 

All-in-all, you’re relieved when everyone is ready to head home.  

“Hey,” your brother’s girlfriend catches up to you before you can head to your car.

“Hi,” you smile.

“Is everything okay? I just— I wanted to make sure, because you do know New York doesn’t really have tornados, right?”

You nod and let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah, I know. And Niall’s flight never got delayed,” you take a deep breath, “I guess that just sounded better than the fact that he didn’t even get on his flight. Got caught up at work,” you explain.

She sighs empathetically. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I just—“ you feel the tears starting to fill your eyes and you wipe them away, embarrassed. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh no,” she says empathetically.

“The distance is just, really, really hard. Way harder than I ever thought—“ Even you can tell how choked up your voice sounds. “And I just don’t see it ending anytime soon. I mean, sure, this tour will end. But he loves his job, so I know there will just be another one. And another. And can’t ask him to give that up. But I can’t compete with it. I just don’t know if I can do it—”

“Maybe you should talk to him about this,” she suggests, as she soothingly rubs your shoulder. “Tell him how much it’s bothering you. Be honest.”

You nod. “Yeah you’re probably right.” You wipe your runny nose on your sleeve.  

“Let us know if you need anything, okay?”

You nod, thanking her and hugging her goodbye. She’s right. You do need to talk to Niall. But that’s a conversation you wish you could just keep on the back burner, ignoring until everything ignited. You dreaded it the whole way home.  

When you did finally arrive home, you puttered around the house– put the dishes away, washed your face, got into your pajamas, all as an effort to stall. Finally, you curled up on the couch. With no more excuses to delay the inevitable, you pulled out your phone and clicked on Niall’s contact. You hated this– everything about it. You hated that you hated it– hated that you were dreading calling your favorite person in the entire world… the only person who made you feel whole. 

The phone rang three times before Niall answered. “Hey baby,” he said cheerfully. “How’re you?”

“Okay,” you said quietly. “How was Fallon?” 

“Not bad– that guy from the TV show you like… the one on HBO? God, I can’t remember the name of it now. But he was there. Made me think of you. The crowd was fun– a few people actually knew the words. How was dinner?” He asks.  

“It was fine—“ you lie, not really wanting to fake small talk. “Everyone missed you.”

“Yeah, I wish I could’ve been there.”

You clear your throat as you anxiously pick at the skin around your thumb.  

“Listen, Niall. We need to talk—“

“Babe,” he protests, like he knows where this is going. “I already apologized for not being there— I wanted to, but I couldn’t say no after they booked the gig–”

You don’t want another fight. You’re too tired, too drained, too sad to fight. You love Niall– so much so that you wanted him around all the time– needed him. And you know Niall loves you too. But Niall also loves music, and touring. One was always going to interfere with the other, and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. And suddenly, the realization that this just isn’t going to work hits you like a ton of bricks.

“I know…” you say as non-confrontational as possible, “I know it’s your job, I understand that, but I— I need you here, Niall. And maybe that’s selfish of me, or whatever, but it’s true. I need you here. And I don’t know if I can do this distance thing, I thought I could, but I don’t think I can. It’s… Honestly, it’s killing me.”

“What do you mean you can’t do it?” Niall asks. “I mean, what do you want me to do? Quit? Do you want me to quit the tour?”

You squeeze your eyes shut in anticipation of what’s about to happen.  

“No, I don’t want that,” you say, your voice becoming thick with tears. You could never take performing away from Niall– you wouldn’t be the thing that came between him and his passion. “I hate that this is through the phone, but I don’t think we should do this anymore. I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

A long, heavy silence settles over the air. It sends waves of blood pumping to your ears. It’s deafening. 

You begin wondering if you should provide more of an explanation, but then Niall speaks. 

“Baby—“ he pleads, his voice suddenly full of desperation. “Please, I know you’re mad about tonight but I can fix this—“

“I’m not mad,” you tell him honestly, pushing the emotion in your voice down and trying to muscle through. “I understand that you couldn’t say no. I know you wanted to be here but couldn’t. But I come second to your job, Niall. And I always will. And that’s not your fault. But it’s not my fault either. And I– I just think that I need more than that.”

He’s stammering incoherently on the other end, and you imagine what his face looks like right now. Is he crying? Are his eyebrows all scrunched up?

He tries protesting again, but you can’t think about anything other than getting off the phone.  

“I’m really sorry this isn’t in person, you deserve that. But I just can’t keep doing this,” you explain. “When you’re back in LA, shoot me a text and I can get your stuff together.”

“Baby–” he pleads. 

But you cut him off. “Goodbye,” you whisper, hitting the end button before he can convince you to change your mind. As soon as the line goes dead, you break out into uncontrollable sobs.  The weight on your shoulders that you thought would be lifted only felt heavier as you let yourself fall back against the cushions of the couch you bought together.

Your chest aches. Desperately, you clutch your arm around yourself, trying to hold everything together. 

It hurts like fucking hell. 

It’s the kind of pain you know will leave lasting scars– the kind you know you’ll carry with you forever. And the only person you’d ever want to call to help you through it is the one you just broke up with. 

Broke up. 

You and Niall broke up. 

You cry harder. 

You cry and cry and cry– until there’s nothing left inside of you, until you’re pretty sure if you cried anymore, you’d need an IV to replace all the fluids. You cry until finally, you drift off into an uneasy sleep, curled up on the couch with Netflix playing on the TV, the screen lighting up the otherwise dark living room. 

The clock below the TV reads 7 am when you wake to the sound of the front door opening.  

Your first instinct is to scream, but you catch a glimpse of the familiar, dark haired man crossing the room before that can happen.

“Niall?” You say groggily, rubbing your tired eyes. “What are you doing?” You feel like you might still be dreaming.

“I know you probably don’t want me here,” he says, he’s out of breath, panting, even– like he ran across the country overnight to be here. That’s when it hits you that Niall is really here– not across the country in New York, but standing in your shared living room in LA. 

“Just hear me out—” He begs. When you don’t protest, he continues. “I love my job,” he states. “Playing music has always been my dream, and then that dream came true. I love touring– I love performing.I love being able travel around so much—“

You let your eyes wander to the floor, wondering where this all is going.

“But none of that compares to how much I love you,” he says, his shoulders finally deflating.  “And I’ll quit in a heartbeat if that’s what it takes. Please, please don’t be mad– I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work, I swear.”

It had been so long since Niall had told you he loved you, that you feared it might no longer be true. But as soon as he says the words with such honesty and passion, your face scrunches up and the tears start to fall, because you immediately believe him. For a moment, you forget that you’d practically broken up with him over the phone.

All you care about is that he’s here. Niall is here, standing in front of you in real life for the first time in so long. As soon as he sees your face crumple, he’s crossing the room in two quick strides. Before you can protest, he’s kneeling in front of you on the couch. 

Your knees– you think. But then one of Niall’s hands is cradling your cheek softly while the other rests on your thigh, and all you can think about is how grateful you are that he’s home. 

“I’m not mad, I just… I– I miss you–” you sob before leaning forward, arms winding around his neck while you crash into him. “I miss you so much, all the time.” 

His arms wind around you tightly. He smells so familiar, and when he tightens his grip around you, you immediately feel safe and secure and whole again– the way only Niall can make you feel.   

You’re not sure how long you stay like that. But you’re afraid that the minute you let go, things will fall apart again.  

“I miss you too,” he whispers, hand coming up to stroke through your hair. “God, I missed you so much.”

You lean into his touch, try to memorize the feel of it. Then, you sigh into his neck. “I could never ask you to quit your job. You love your job more than anything. You’d be so unhappy and I’d hate myself for making you unhappy.”

Niall pulls you away from himself– holding you out in front of him. “You come before my job, okay? It’s not even close. If I quit music, I’d miss it. Of course I would. But I can write songs here– play my guitar here. Eventually, it’d feel okay. But if I lost you–” Niall shakes his head, like the thought alone is too unbearable. “I don’t know if I’d ever be able to be happy again. You come first, okay? Always.” 

You give Niall the best attempt at a smile that you can come up with, enough to show him that you appreciate his gesture. It’s nice actually hearing how much Niall cares for you. He smiles back, it’s weak and doesn’t reach his eyes, but it’s a smile all the same. And it’s Niall’s. 

But then it’s gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by a slight frown before he says, “What if you came with me?”

Taken aback, you immediately shake your head. “What? On tour?”

He nods, like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “Yeah, why not?”  

You open your mouth, presumably to list the reasons why that would be such a bad idea. But your mind is blank. 

“You can bring your laptop– work from the bus, or hotel or whatever. We could travel around, see things. Just be together.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’d get sick of me–”

“Are you kidding? I’m sick of being away from you.”

“Niall– there’s no way. I have work– what about the apartment?”

“It’s an apartment, not a dog. It doesn’t need food or water. Plus, I won’t be touring all the time. Just for a few more months. We’d get through it, then figure out what to do next. But we’d be together.”

The more he talked, the more you realize that maybe it isn’t such a bad idea. Like he said, it’s only a few months. Maybe it really could work. 

And in that moment, on top of admiration and love and endearment, you feel hopeful– hopeful for the first time in a long time. Because even though things between you and Niall are far from perfect, you love him and he loves you. And that’s worth fighting for.  

[daddyslilchickenfingers2]

Slutmas Day 6

Stressed & Insecure (Matt)

Request: None

Warnings: Mommy kink, talk of poor mental heath, angsty at first, Matt being insecure, talk of body dysmorphia, friends to lovers, cockwarming, oral, whiny Matt

“You’re such a good boy for letting mommy take care of you like this”

Matt’s pov

Everything sucks right now, I’m so busy with work, it’s taking up all of my time, and everything going on right now backs up to that. I was purely stressed from work originally, which I know might seem easy, but don’t be fooled because it’s not. We’ve had so many meetings for sponsored content, videos, guest appearances, and merch designing, on top of filming for our YouTube and the Podcast. I’m genuinely just drained, my anxiety is high, I can’t sleep, and I’m overall in a bad mood.

I know what you’re thinking, ‘why not just jack off?’ well that’s because I can’t. I guess with being stressed and overwhelmed by everything, my cock just won’t get hard. It probably doesn’t help that my body is constantly getting hated on because of my weight, it makes me really insecure and uncomfortable with myself and my body. I was sitting at my desk doing some more online work and it was pissing me off, I’m so frustrated! I’m just doing so much overthinking and it’s making me stressed, overwhelmed, and insecure.

Just as I threw my notebook across the room there was a small knock and Chris popped his head in. “Matt, are you alright? Do you need anything?” Chris asked, knowing I wasn’t in the best mental state. “I’m fine, I just want to be alone” I sighed back, “Are you still coming to Larray’s house with us tonight?” I completely forgot about that. Chris looked a bit disappointed by my answer but he understood, “Nah I’m just gonna stay here, ‘m stressed and overwhelmed right now so I won’t be any fun” I said before Chris closed the door.

That was my insecurities talking, I always found myself rather boring and unenthusiastic when I’m in these moods. It had been about an hour of trying to get hard and then sitting in my chair with my head in my hands. My door slowly creeped open and I immediately assumed it was Chris or Nick. “Get the fuck out of my room!” I yelled, turning around to be met with my best friends confused face. “I’m sorry, Chris said they were leaving and I should come keep you company because you’re having a bad day. I didn’t mean to make you upset” Y/n said quite nervously. I slammed my fist down on my desk before completely losing it, hot tears rolling down my face.

1 hour earlier

Y/n’s pov

I was at a nail appointment when I got a text message, I was already done with my fingers and in the chair for my toes.

iMessage start at 5:02pm

Chrisizzle🍊

bro are you busy

Y/n/n🪼

i’m getting my toes done rn

why

Chrisizzle🍊

at 5:30 me and nick are going to larray’s for the night

so i wanted to ask you a favor

yk how matt’s been kinda moody lately?

well today he’s really stressed and sad so he’s in a bad mood and i don’t want him to be alone tonight so can you head over afterwards and chill with him?

Y/n/n🪼

you literally just set up a playdate for your child lmao

but yeah i’ll go over there, i’ve missed my matty poo

Chrisizzle🍊

wow but you don’t miss me

that one hurt Y/n/n 🥲

anyways lmk when you get to our house bc we leave in 15

Y/n/n🪼

awe of course i miss you too sizzle 🤍

i’m abt to pay then I’ll head over

Chrisizzle🍊

don’t call me sizzle

*Y/n/n🪼 disliked this message*

iMessage ends at 5:37pm

The message had been from one of my best friends, Chris, he asked if I would go hang with his triplet bother, Matt, for tonight. I know he’s been getting a lot of hate about his attitude/weight and has been down the past 2 or 3 weeks, so I was hoping to cheer him up. I drove directly to the boys house after paying for my nails since I had a bunch of essentials over there and didn’t need anything from home.

I let myself in with my key and walked up to Matt’s room, which groans of frustration could be heard coming from. I lightly knocked before entering his room, as I was reclosing the door Matt yelled. “Get the fuck out of my room!” he said angrily, Matt’s never yelled at me before and he looked so pissed off that I got a little nervous.

I quickly replied with “I’m sorry, Chris said they were leaving and I should come keep you company because you’re having a bad day. I didn’t mean to make you upset” he looked at me for a second before I saw his face change to one of pain, hurt, and anxiety. Matt slammed his fist onto his desk yelling “Fuck!” before choking out into sobs.

His whole body was shaking and he slid out of his chair onto the floor, something he does when he’s really, really upset. I immediately ran over to sit next to him, wrapping my arms around his shaking figure. “I’m sorry! They hate me and I’m sorry!” he blurted out, causing me to be a bit confused as Matt’s hands desperately clung onto my shirt.

“It’s okay Matt, let it all out. You’re safe honey, I’ve got you-“ I was cut off by Matt pulling away from my shirt and basically screamed out in pain. “I don’t know what the fuck I did! Y/n, what’s wrong with me!? A-Am I not good enough!? I’m too skinny, I try to eat more but I can’t gain weight, I fucking hate my body! All I keep doing is disappointing everyone, Y/n I-I don-“ he started spiraling into a panic attack and I was worried, I have never seen Matt this bad before.

I didn’t know what else to do so I pushed past my own anxieties and kissed him. I cupped both of his cheeks and smashed our lips together, Matt was shocked at first so he didn’t kiss back but once he realized what was happening, he kissed back. I pulled away and Matt’s lips tried to chase mine before he opened his eye.

“W-What was that for?” he asked, a bit breathless from his previous breakdown. I suddenly felt shy so I looked down, “I uh- I didn’t know how else to get you to stop talking” I said, nervously playing with my fingers. “Oh, well thanks?” he said in a questioning tone, “Did you mean what you said about your body? Do you really think that?” I softly asked.

Matt groaned and stood up, offering me his hand, “I don’t want to talk about it but yes, I do hate my body” he mumbled as I too stood up. We made our way over to his bed and laid there in silence for a few minutes. I rolled over to my side facing Matt “Have you tried cumming?” I questioned quietly, “What!?” he rolled to face me as well, confused by what I just said.

“You know, because you’re stressed. I think I read somewhere that having an orgasm helps to relieve stress” Matt’s face was now painted red. He rolled over to be flat on his back again, “I’ve tried but I can’t get hard” he exhaled deeply. “Oh… I could try to help if you want” I offered, chewing on my nails, Matt turned to face me again, “Help.. me get… Help me get hard?” he questioned nervously.

We both had blush covering our faces at this point, “Yeah, then I can go chill in Nicks room and you can jerk off” I smiled shyly. “I mean that could work but I don’t want to be naked if you have clothes on” “You don’t have to be naked, you just have to trust me” “I-I trust you, how do we start though?” we conversed. I took a moment to think before asking, “Do you want to make out first, I know I’m like a lot bigger than you so I don’t know if it would be a problem for me to sit on your lap. Is it a problem?” I asked self-consciously as we both sat up.

Matt looked at me with an unamused look, “If that’s your way of making me feel worse about my body, it worked because your body is amazing” he huffed out, avoiding looking at me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way” I said with a sad smile, upset that I hurt Matts feelings. “I know you didn’t but my body is like the main reason I cant get hard. I don’t like looking at myself naked, it shows off too much of what’s wrong with me” he replied.

It was silent again for a few minute until I broke the silence again, “I think it’s hot” “What?” Matt looked at me confused. “Your body, I think it’s hot” I smirked, “You think so?” “I know so, don’t you ever notice me staring at you when you’re shirtless or only wearing your boxers?” I teased some more. “I haven’t noticed actually, however, I have noticed you’re not on my lap yet” Matt pouted, pulling me onto his lap.

I was about to say something but was cut off by Matt grabbing the side of my face/neck and pulled me into a sweet kiss that quickly turned needy. I pulled back for a second to catch my breath, “Shit, I’m sorry! I’m just so touch starved and crave physical affection. You were gonna say something?” he panicked. “It’s okay, I know that physical touch is your love language, it’s one of the things I like about you. I forgot what I was going to say but I can tell you I’ll kiss you again” I giggled.

With that, Matt pulled my face to his again and this time the kiss was soft, yet also rough and needy. I had my hands wrapped around Matt’s neck, but his laid awkwardly at his sides, almost as if he’s scared to touch me. I pulled back from the kiss to grab his wrist and mumbled something against his lips. “You can touch me you know” I smirked as I placed Matt’s hands on my waist and went back to kissing him.

Matt’s hands quickly slid down and tightly gripped onto my hips, slowly starting to rock me back and forth. I started feeling his cock get hard and once I could tell he was fully hard, I stopped everything which caused Matt to let out a displeased whine. “Mmh why’d you stop?” he pouted, “Because you’re hard now, which means it’s my queue to leave” I said while trying to get up.

Matt held my hips down and begged, “Please don’t go! I-I don’t think I’ll be able to make myself cum, me being alone with my naked body sounds like a bad dream” he sighed. Piggybacking off what was just said he added, “W-Would you please m-make me feel good? I’ll let you have your way with me as long as it’s not super rough because I’m not in the mood for that” his eyes got a shade or two darker.

“Yeah, I can give you head if you want or you can sit back, relax and enjoy the full sub treatment” “Does the full sub treatment include sex? Because I’ve never been the submissive one before, I uh usually do doggy so my body isn’t seen as much. I’ve never even had a chick ride me before but you being on top sounds really hot, we don’t to have sex by the way, I was just saying if you wanted to I’m down” Matt confessed.

“If you stop talking about sex with other women, you have a deal. I might keep my shirt on though” I replied as I started slowly rocking my hips again. Matt’s grip on my waist tightened and he thrusted his hips up, his hard-on pressing against my clit so nicely that I let out a small, quiet moan. His eyes grew even darker after that, “No you will not. I wanna see your beautiful belly, I just know it’s gonna turn me on so much more” he instructed me.

I blushed and nodded, “Okay then handsome, just lay back and let me do all the work, tonight is all about you” I said, watching him nod before my lips were on his. I slid my tongue across his bottom lip, silently asking for access to his mouth which was quickly granted. He had a bit of trouble giving up control over the kiss at first but once I started trailing my kisses down his throat, he finally gave up on trying to win.

Matt’s pov

After Y/n had dominated the kiss, we made out for a bit before she started kissing down my neck. Once she reached the collar of my shit, she stopped and stood up to unbutton her pants. “If you really want me to make you feel good, take your pants off for me” she said seductively as she pulled off her own baggy jeans. I followed her directions and pulled my sweats off before grabbing her hand and leading her to sit on my lap again.

Y/n sat on my lap again before taking off her shirt, leaving her in a black lacy bra with matching panties. “Fuck… you look so goddamn beautiful” I said while looking into her eyes, my hands running up her thighs. “Mmm, thank you handsome. Can I take your shirt off?” she smiled, placing a short but sweet kiss to my lips, “You can do whatever you want to me” I panted, already being completely whipped for her.

She took my shirt off before whispering in my ear, “You’re such a good boy for letting mommy taking care of you like this” as I helped her get my pants and boxers off. “Such a pretty cock Matty. You gonna let me make you feel good?” Y/n teased, making me squirm a bit. “Please! Please just make me cum!” I pathetically begged as I watched her hand slowly move up and down my cock.

Y/n’s pov

“Anything for my sweet boy. Now tell me what it is that you want baby” I asked softly, loving how fucked out he looked already. “Want your mouth please mommy! Want you to ride me after!” Matt confessed all whiny and desperate, and who was I to deny him that? Without a word, I nodded before bring his tip into my mouth, loving the whimper he let out, “Yeah j-just like that, fuck!” he groaned as I swirled my tongue around his tip.

After teasing Matt a little bit, I decided to fully take him into my mouth, almost immediately deepthroating his cock. “Holy shit mommy! You’re so good at this! I won’t last long!” he cried out, bucking his hips up when I hummed against him. I continued doing this for a few more minutes when I felt Matt start to twitch in my mouth, his lower abdomen contacting as well.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m gonna cum— shit!” he whimpered as his hips thrusted upward and his left hand came down to hold my head in place. His right hand was pulling at his own hair as he shout a huge load into my mouth, so much that it was literally dripping out of the corners of my mouth. As I came up for air, I wiped the corners of my mouth to clean up the spilled cum and then licked it off.

“Did that feel good Matty? You were such a good boy” I smile as I placed a sweet kiss to his lips. “More! I-I need more! Y/n please, I need you to ride me. I’m so fucking hard still, I need to drain my balls in you” Matt begged me. “So needed aren’t we?” “Yes, please I need you” Matt nearly yelled with tears in his eyes. “Okay, okay, calm down sweet boy. You’ll get what you want, just be patient” I spoke softly as I pulled off my panties and unhooked my bra.

Matts hands immediately went down to my ass, staring up at me with a look of desperation. “Are you gonna be a good boy?” “Very good!” I smiled as I slowly sunk down on his cock, trying to adjust to how long and thick it was. “S-So tight mommy! So f-fucking tight!” Matt whimpered out as I started to move up and down with the help of him. Both of us were moaning quite loudly as I started to move faster, pulling his hair in the process.

“Such a good boy Matty, making mommy feel so good with your big cock!” “W-Want you to cum. Wanna f-fill you up” Matt grunted as he started bucking his hips up into me at a fast pace. We were both very close and with one more thrust that hit my g-spot perfectly, I was cumming on his cock. “Fuck Matt, I’m cumming. Oh god— cum for me baby!” I cried as I rode through my orgasm, starting to slightly overstimulated but wanting Matt to cum.

With a loud whiny growl, Matt came inside of me, this load was equally as big as the one from earlier, instantly dripping down his balls. “Holy shit— I love you, and I’m not just saying that because you gave me the most mind blowing orgasm ever. I genuinely love you Y/n” Matt confess as he started to rub my back. “I love you too Matt, I mean it” I smiled as I placed a soft kiss to his lips “Don’t get off, cockwarm me all night please” he sweetly asked.

I agreed and we got situated so we could lay down, Matt turning off his bedside lamp in the process. “Tomorrow, I’m gonna take you on the best date of your life, but for now, goodnight pretty lady” “Goodnight Matt, I love you” I mumbled into his neck, feeling the sleep take over my body. “I love you too, and thank you for tonight. Now get some rest baby” was the final thing to be said before we drifted off to sleep.

All work is subject to copyright

© Daddyslilchickenfingers2 2023

Do not steal my work

[hyewka]

warnings; (sort of bratty) sub!beomgyu, idol!au, grinding, handjob, uncommitted reader, angsty fwb, use of pet names, non proofread + drabble length

…fucking with trainee!beomgyu in a practice room as an established idol because you’re bored, just a little bit of teasing, a bit of touching over his pants, a squeeze to his thighs and he’s all of a sudden following you everywhere. attached to your hips, on your heels like a lovesick puppy…making everyone in the company misunderstand your relationship with the boy. you even get a talk with your manager about being careful with dabbling in the trainee circle, and you have to continuously explain that no, you are not dating beomgyu! hell, you didn’t even know his name before that one conversation in the practice room. whispers about you goes around the artists and staff like its the gossip of town—you know it’d pass but it was such a headache.

yet as you much as you denied anything further than a friendship with beomgyu, and tried to keep it that way, you can’t help but creak open the smaller practice room reserved mainly for trainees. coming in late as you informed him prior that it’d be too difficult and all too risky to do anything in daylight, finding him laying on his back on the cold wooden floor, staring up the ceiling blowing his lips, he’s too cute for you to pass up due to dumb rumors. coming in and he immedietley sits up at the bang of the shut door that echoes the empty room—puppy eyes glimmering despite the pout that rests his lips. “you didn’t get food?”

you snort, “no, are you hungry? there’s a vending machine down the hall.”

“yeah but i want real food. plus all the good snacks are hogged by eric.” he grumbles the last part, yet still leans to the affectionate, yet sudden hand on his cheek, your thumb soothing over his skin. god, he was such a cute guy.

“mm, really? i’ll get some takeout for you tomorrow then, promise.”

maybe it was because he was hungry now, and the promise of tomorrow dissatisfied him, but you still note that you catch a glimpse of a displeased look on his face. and as you lean down to catch him into a frenzied kiss, you wipe it away as fast as it appeared—he’s already losing control pulling you down by your wrist to sit, having you situated on top of his lap. when you pull away to see a swell of his pretty lips, glistening, you smirk. he looks down to avoid eye contact, “geez, take a guy out on a date first.”

you immediately find his lips again, lightly biting down on his bottom lip, to which sends out a jolt to his body, make him whimper into your mouth and god you love it so much, the slightest of things you do and he reacts. his hands once hovering over your ass pushed down, to say that yes, he can touch you, and he squeezes, kneeds your cheeks. you almost let yourself smile into the kiss at just how dumb and adorable he is, but then you remember why you pounced on him like that.

take a guy out on a date first? it’s a common joke, and you know that, but it still sets off an uneasy feeling, alarm bells if you will. because beomgyu has said those exact words two times now in the past week, and hes hinted at going out (which sounded way too identical to a date) more than a dozen times. you’re beginning to think he might feel more than surface level attraction…something that has ties with commitment and oh lord, you feel like you might just ruin the mood for yourself.

and so your hips find themselves rolling into him, you breaking the kiss and him chasing blindly, completely breathless, chest heaving, groaning as you press down your weight directly on his crotch, which is by now a full tent, poking between your ass. “don’t cum too fast gyu.” you put on a demanding voice. he had a tendency to do it anyway, but you found that when you told him not to, he held out for a little longer.

eyes squeezed shut, he quickly nods, feeling out the grind of your pussy folds through the skimpy excuse of your grey shorts, thin fabric he could feel your wetness dripping into his pants as you move yourself forward and back. “you must’ve been practicing a lot, you look so tired baby.” you coo, not exactly feigning the concern slipping through your tone.

he lets out a sigh of pleasure, and you know it’s because of your choice of using a petname on him. “don’t overwork yourself,”

“or i wouldn’t have anyone else to fuck around with.”

you’re startled at the way his eyes fly open, and his brows change to a deep furrow, but he stays silent, despite looking like he had something to say. you shrug it off subconsciously, still rolling your hips. you lean to capture his lips again, but he backs away a bit, and you blink confused. “can we get food after this?”

okay, so the mention of food while you’re quite literally grinding sort of pisses you off but you respond anyway. “you’re hungry, i get it baby.” you try to kiss him again and this time he lets you for a bit…before he whines again, signaling you to stop.

what now?

“no, like seriously.” your hands drop from cupping his cheeks, shooting a puzzled look.

“beomgyu, do you want me to pull out my phone and order right now or something?”

he groans rolling his eyes, “i don’t want you to order takeout and i don’t want to eat in this small stupid practice room. i want to go out with you, like, outside of these walls. at a restaurant and eat. is that so bad?”

okay, now the alarm bells are going off in your head. your breathing feels like it just cut itself off and you’re dizzy. immedietely you reach for your bag, and try to get off his lap but his eyes widen, and his hands fly from the floor to your arms, “no wait, no i didn’t mean to freak you out i’m sorry, forget i said that.”

you hesitate, looking into his eyes, the way it panics, his iris moving back and forth like he’s afraid, afraid you’d pull out your arm from his hold and never talk to him again. but you’re not that strong. “don’t say stuff like that, i told you i don’t like it. we agreed on keeping it in here.”

he sulks, his bottom lip sticking up, “yeah, i know, i’m sorry. please stay.”

you hum, tilting your head to leave wet kisses down his neck and beomgyu’s breath hitches, then it picks up as he gets lost in the pleasure, fanning against your exposed skin. “i just want you so much.”

you pond on that and almost freeze again but he immeditely backtracks, “like in a getting my dick wet way. not in the—f-fuck.”

“you talk too much. we’re usually way past foreplay by now.”

he doesn’t respond, starting to hump and chase your heat as if you’re not already basically bouncing on him. you don’t mind it, it’s endearing actually. you just wish he could shut up like he usually does. “i thought you didn’t want me to overwork myself because you cared.”

you grip the base of his cock through his pants and he lets out a hiss, turning into a puddle when you rub it out. beomgyu was so easy to please. “look in the mirror puppy. i do care.”

beomgyu’s eyes are glossy with tears, clouded as he shifts them to look at himself in the mirror where both of you are sprawled on the floor, the exact same floor that could either break or make his dream, the exact one that granted you your dream. the reason you can’t even bare to be seen with him anymore.

“no, you care about me being your little bitch toy.”

you tut at him, pulling out his dick, you admire the way it’s leaking so much already, he’s basically about to cum and you haven’t messed with him enough just yet.

“does that matter? i still care regardless.” he whips his head to look at you, but his body fails him when you drag your hand down, then back up to rub your thumb over his slit, spreading dribbles of the liquid over the head. his eyes flutter and his defensive walls put up almost immediately begin to crumble, “look at the mirror, not me.”

“it does matter.” he retorts sharply, though it comes out rather wobbly, ignoring you completely.

you roll your eyes, taking it upon yourself to move his head forcefully to the mirror like he was a misbehaving child, “you’re such a brat, you know that? look at the way you spread your legs for me puppy, you are my little bitch toy.”

though his lips are pressed into a tight thin line, your ears could still pick up little whimpers. you stop your speed, holding your hand in one spot and he immediately panics. “i was close!” he whines, trying to fuck into your fist.

“too bad, i’m not gonna move my hand until you admit it.” you tease, beomgyu in fact not successful in getting any friction from your tight hand.

“admit what?” he finally asks, exasperated.

“that you’re my bitch toy.”

he shoots you a dirty look, clearly not up for it. which you’re okay with, edging him was always a favorite.

“i-i’m your bitch toy.” your brows raise, surprised that he was so quick to obey with how bratty hes been so far. “i’m your bitch toy, please touch me— m’ close…”

you watch the way he had the tendency to squeeze his eyes shut but he resists it and looks directly in the mirror again, keeping them firm on himself. you’re satisfied, humming.

“gooood boy.” you coo, noticing the shudder that sends him, half the mind to not giggle. he was way too adorable for your own good.

as you promised, you move your hand, dragging it up and down in long strokes before switching your pace, pumping his length at a faster speed.

“shit, i’m g-gonna—“ he mewls, brows furrowed, tensing up before his own spurts of semen cuts him off—white ropes to his embarrassment making a mess on the floor. you watch with amusement as he spills a bit more, before concluding you were done here.

when you stand up, you immedietely feel a hand grab your ankle. you look down with a brow raised.

he still looks dazed, the post nut clarity not hitting yet you assume. “where’re you going? we haven’t fucked yet.”

“i’m ending it, beomgyu. whatever ‘it’ is. i don’t think i’d be able to let you go if we fucked again.”

the boy huffs out an incredulous laugh, not thinking you were actually serious with this. but when your facial expression leaves no room for the assumption you were teasing him, the panic from earlier settles in. “what, are you like, breaking up with me?”

this was the exact issue; beomgyu was too deluded and attached, everything you’re not risking to deal with as someone with an actual career. if you let it continue he’d ask for more, and you can’t grant him more. “we were never together.”

[theemporium]

If you’re low-key obsessed then I am a gone😍 what about sunshine being awol the morning of a race 🤷🏼‍♀️

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

.

“Have you seen Sunshine today?” 

“No, sorry.” 

“Hey, have you seen Sunshine this morning?” 

“I haven’t, no.” 

“Have you—”

“Daniel, I don’t think she’s here, mate,” Max muttered, placing a hand on his teammate’s shoulder in hopes that it would stop him from pacing around the garage, and it did. But it didn’t stop his mind from wandering and spinning on where the hell you could be. 

Despite the separate hotel rooms booked by the team every race weekend, you would always find each other using one room. In fact, it became rarer for the two of you to not share a hotel room when you were in another country for the race weekend, and it just so happened that it was one of those weekends.

You had been out late the night before, out with some of the others in the engineering team as you perfected a few faults you had found in the cars during qualifying. You had messaged him not to wait up for you, to not stay up and risk his own sleep just for the sake of falling asleep with you. And as wrong as it felt, he had managed to fall asleep.

However, when he woke up in the morning, you weren’t there. 

And when he arrived at the paddock, you weren’t there either. 

Now, it was a few hours until lights out, you were nowhere to be seen and Daniel was losing his mind.

“Where is she?” Daniel muttered, his brows furrowed in concern as he tried sending you another message, only for it to come up as undelivered once again. “She should’ve been here by now.”

“Daniel—” Max started but his teammate was already pacing again.

“What if something happened to her?” he whispered, a sense of chilling dread washing over him as he looked up at Max. “What if something happened to her and she needs my help?” 

Before Max could even reply, Daniel was jumping up to grab his keys for the car he drove to the paddock. He was ignoring all logic and rationality that was telling him he should stay in the paddock, that he needed to start getting ready for the race with the rest of the team. His only thought was you.

Max, despite knowing better, knew that Daniel was in no state to be alone right now. WIth the rest of the engineering team also clueless on your whereabouts, the Aussie’s concern only shot through the roof, and his friend didn’t think it would be the best idea for him to be behind the wheel just yet. 

They ignored all the warnings other team members gave them and did their best to ignore the cameras following them towards the exit. Daniel had one track mind and it was completely focused on finding you and making sure you were safe. His fingers were itching to hold you close again and it was starting to consume him. 

However, neither boy expected their search to end as close to the exit as it did. 

“I am telling you, I am a part of the Red Bull team! Just go get someone and you’ll see.”

“Ma’am, we have to ask you to leave—”

“Oh my god!”

Daniel’s head whirled around at the familiar sound of your voice, his eyes eagerly seeking you. And he spotted you, on the other side of the turnstiles, a frown on your face as you argued back and forth with a few of the security guards at the entrance. 

“You need a paddock pass—”

“And I usually have one,” you interrupted, already angsty and on edge, and feeling like a broken record wasn’t helping your mood. “Except for today. Now can you please let me in because they need me—”

“We can’t do that, ma’am.”

“Fuck off,” you groaned, running a hand over your face.

“Sunshine!” 

Your eyes instantly found his and he couldn’t bite back the smile that spread across his face. His feet were moving before he could even think to move, his body too eager to be beside you that he didn’t even bother swiping his pass to get through the turnstiles, instead just jumping over the bars. 

“Danny,” you almost sagged in relief the second his arms were around you. 

“Is there a problem here?” Daniel asked, his eyes now on the security guards as he placed a hand protectively on the back of your head. 

“Mr Ricciardo,” the security guard blanched. “No, it’s just she needs—”

“She’s with our team,” Max interrupted this time, giving the guard a pointed look. “A very important part of the team. So, the sooner you let her through, the more appreciative we will be.” 

“Of course, sir.”

Daniel had yet to let you go as the three of you made your way through the paddock, heading straight towards the Red Bull garage before Christian or anyone else could notice you were gone. You didn’t mind though, the weight of his arm over your shoulder was something you found comfort in these days.

“Where were you?” Daniel asked eventually, his brows furrowed together in questioning. “I was worried sick.”

“It’s embarrassing,” you muttered, a scowl on your face which only amused the Dutchman.

“Well, now you have to tell us,” Max grinned, poking your side and only laughing when you batted his hand away. 

“I forgot my keycard last night,” you told them with a heavy sigh. “I couldn’t get into the hotel room so I had to bunk with one of the other engineers. I tried to get a new card at reception this morning but they thought I was some crazy fan trying to get into Daniel Ricciardo’s hotel room. And I couldn’t even get an extra key to my room because I had no ID with me.” 

Daniel snorted. “Why didn’t you just call me?”

“My phone died,” you replied sheepishly. “I had to borrow an extra polo from a colleague before trying to get to the paddock with no phone, no money and no paddock pass.” 

“I’m surprised they didn’t arrest you on the spot,” Max teased. 

You rolled your eyes. “Funny.” 

“Well, if I have to find any crazed fan in my room, I’d be pretty chuffed if it was you,” Daniel joked as his arm around you tightened. 

“Whatever,” you grumbled but there was a smile on your face. “I gotta take you everywhere with me, Ricciardo. Might even say you’re my crazy fan.”

“That wouldn’t be a lie,” he grinned down at you.

.

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

𝐉𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐚𝐦 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

All my fics for Jude ♥︎ some mature content (if over the age of 18 and you cannot see them go to settings, content you see and turn off mature block ♥︎ tag on Jude scenarios here

🩷 = mature

Last updated July 26th

A win anyways ♥︎ hi can u write jude x reader comforting him after losing the match?

A blurb with no name ♥︎ Can you do a little blurb with a jealous Jude? Maybe you’re a few years older than him and thinks you’d get along better with Trent?

Anything for you ♥︎ Request: one where jude takes care of you when you feel off/bad and the feeling comes out of Nowhere. Like you start to reminisce abt your childhood and it ruins your mood

The L word ♥︎ hiii could you please write a jude imagine where the reader and jude have a lazy day at home and it’s cute and fluffy and he confesses he loves reader for the first time? thank you 😊

Stay ♥︎ hi my love, would you mind doing an angsty jude bellingham smut where they have agreed to break up as he needs to focus on his career but they decide to spend one more night together and have very intimate but also sad sex before they have to leave eachother (and if you don’t mind have them kinda talk it out and decide not to split in the end if you want) thank you 🫶🏻 🩷

Biggest supporter ♥︎ can u write a Jude Bellingham fluff abt just going to his practices and games and being his biggest supporter

Kissing booth ♥︎ Based on a TikTok I saw. Where you tell Jude you love him while taking photos in a photo booth.

Makeup or breakup ♥︎ Jude says some disgusting things during an argument which results in you leaving for some space. Maybe you'll makeup... 🩷

The way he loves you ♥︎ Headcanon on the way Jude shows you he loves you

What about us ♥︎ Jude lied to you and said he was going to stay with you instead of transferring. You felt betrayed

Lust and envy ♥︎ Summary: IM BEGGING jude smut/angst where him and reader are broken up but he finds an old (rough?) sextape and he touches himself to it (we want details tho intense solo sessions are HOT😩) then yeah he regrets leaving her and wants her backkk, and then maybe shes with another guy and he gets all jealous and possessive (sorry to much details) I want toxic jude soooo bad �� 🩷

Soulmates ♥︎ sitting in the car in the rain, you and Jude havs a heart to heart

Initials ♥︎ I just know bf Jude would buy you a necklace or a bracelet with his initial on it 😍

The other woman ♥︎ Jude can’t get enough of you, but he is with another woman that's not you 🩷

My life ♥︎ Jude angst where he tries to break up with the reader because he thinks that his life is too much for her but she’s not having it. Just like ‘yea but no’

Mykonos ♥︎ You and Jude enjoy your time on the beach together but that was cut short when you both decided the hotel room was a better option 🩷

Birthday surprise ♥︎ you surprise Jude on his birthday after being away from him for a while. You give me him a little something as well 🩷

There's this girl ♥︎ Jude and the reader talking late at night because they barely got to talk during the day. They talk about the random things, laughing at each other shitty jokes And stuff. Neither wants to hang up because they love to hear each other’s voice )

Love languages ♥︎ all five Love language with Jude 🩷

Hidden feelings ♥︎ Can we got some enemies to lovers with Jude maybe him and the reader “hate” each other but are in the same friend group and one day reader gets hurt and he rushes to come and help her 😩😩 anything will don’t tbh

Soul intertwine ♥︎ English is not my first language so sorry for the mistakes… I was thinking about something fuffly + smut. Like the reader being innocent and a shy person. She and jude got into their relationship recently and they have had no sex yet bc jude don’t wants to pressure her to do anything (but ofc he wants have sex w her), especially when he starts to realize how innocent she is… he thinks she’s too cute and at the same time he wants to ruin her, he feel the need to protect her. But when y/n is in a convo w her girlies friends and one of them asks about her sex life w jude and she don’t know what to say, she would be curious about it but would be too shy to talk w jude about it he would find it weird that she was quiet and looking bothered by something and would talk w her. After insists a lot, she finally says about all the stuffs that she heard about her friends and she would be “idk how react” and jude gets fully turned on by her innocent but makes he’s best to not show ithe tries to find a way to explain for her without destroy her innocent but she wants to know about everything and she wants him to do everything w her bc she wants to be his. 🩷

๑‧˚₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹๑‧˚₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹๑

Main Masterlist

© writing by Iguessweallcrazyithinktho do not steal or repost any of my content anywhere without my consent

[onyourhyuck]

Heart 2 Heart. | L.DH

— Prologue: “I don’t think i can handle you being so far away this time.”

— Summary: Your boyfriend has a heart to heart moment with you again, because he’s going on a worldwide tour.

— Genre: Wholesome. Slightly angsty. Suggestive (hints). Domesticboyfriend!haechan. This will make you cry and emotional.

— Notes: p.s Cried writing this.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Your boyfriend was your best friend. You couldn’t imagine what your life would be like without Donghyuck and frankly you don’t wish to imagine it. It would most likely be a dull, very boring and difficult life for you. He made every core memory possible and special.

Even though he was occupied almost everyday he still makes time for you, his lovely girlfriend. The one he comes home to. The one he can relax and not put up a persona with like he does to thousands and thousands of people watching him entertain them.

He doesn’t need to do anything flashy or anything to impress you because he knows you understand that sometimes he wants to chill and take a relaxing break with you laying in. Who doesn’t love a good night in with your favourite movies, for Donghyuck it would be the Kissing Booth, for you it’s probably Nine Tails starring Dongwook.

You both fit each other just right. Balance each other in a way as if you guys were scales. You both need each other to become harmonious together but what happens when one day your boyfriend comes home with the intention to tell you he’s leaving.

Again, he’s leaving.

Lately your boyfriend’s group has been travelling a lot. It started with Japan performances which you were so happy for and he could come back after two or three days performing in that country. But now it’s extending to regions beyond your time zone.

You couldn’t help but ponder so many thoughts. You can’t imagine your day without him and even though phones exist, you could text and what not, it simply wasn’t enough for you.

He sat down in front of you facing you with stern eyes and you nervously trail. “What’s this?” You try to lighten the mood up.

He couldn’t bring himself to say anything until you took large guesses. “Wait don’t tell me…” you point your eyes at his hands in his pockets suspiciously you watch them. “You are proposing to me?” You gape and Donghyuck’s eyes widen.

“Yah, Y/n don’t you think marriage is a bit too soon for us?” He said to you couldn’t believe your first assumption was marriage.

You look away pouting a little. “It was worth a guess. Anyways what’s the big news?”

“I’m going on a tour again.”

The time stopped around you and suddenly he could see your throat tense up. Your mouth fell into a thin line voiding away from saying anything. Don’t get yourself wrong you are happy for Donghyuck, you’re thrilled but you couldn’t help but think this might strain your relationship with him. You don’t want to lose him but you don’t want him to lose his job so you do your best to support him from the shadows, watching every performance and cheering them all to success. But your boyfriend can see right through your heart broken eyes. He can see that you’re half disappointed and half happy for him.

You look down at your hands seeing your fingers chip on your fingertips fiddling with them to distract yourself from the grave news.

“I’m happy for you hyuck. Where are you going now?” You change the subject quickly, asking him where and what the destination was. But a deep part of you was scared to know where he is flying to now.

His voice came out soft and so distant when he was talking about the tour to you. “America. We will be touring twenty states there.” Your eyes fell out your sockets or it rather felt like it, goddam twenty states and you were trying to put it into the calendar. It would take a whole month and a half probably.

He saw your expression go from hidden to completely transparent as you were crying suddenly and he stood there frozen like a statue when tears ran down your cheeks.

You blame your separation anxiety but you also blame your stupid feelings getting in the way of you being able to support your boyfriend. You didn’t want him to see you like this, you’re afraid it might ruin the tour for him and all the excitement in his body. You could see how happy he was, but you weren’t matching the energy and it was difficult to tell.

“Hey Y/n… come here… let’s have a Heart to Heart talk. I knew you’d get like this you didn’t have to hide your feelings. Come let’s talk.” Donghyuck softly encourages you to stand up when he holds your hand pulling you on his lap where you curl enough to have your chess on his chest sobbing.

He cradled you in his arms like you were a cat snuggling closer for warm hugs but you were bawling and he coos at you, treating you like you were a soft porcelain doll that could break from the slightest things he could say.

He kisses your head multiple times, which left your heart feeling numb and beating so quickly. He was being soft with you, somehow you feel like Donghyuck was sympathising with you and how you are feeling in this potential position he was putting you in constant. Sure, he could never feel how you truly feel but he can understand why you feel this way and he doesn’t hold it against you.

“Twenty states… Donghyuck that’s the furthest you’ve been away from me…” your voice breaks speaking more and he looks at you.

Donghyuck stares at you quietly when putting his finger on your red soft wide lips staring down at them. “I know Y/n… it’s not easy for you. I can understand that but why don’t you try for me here… I know you can be able to do it. You’re the strongest person by my side.” He rubs your stained cheeks with your tears and you felt his sincere, the most sincere words from his mouth become true.

“I don’t think i can handle you being so far away this time.” You said feeling scared what could happen if he was in such a foreign place you don’t know anything about.

He smiles and you sat up on his lap straddling his legs and going to give him a warm long lasting hug where your red nose from crying hard sniffles. He rubs the back of your head, listening to your beating heart beat that’s probably thumping so much from how you were overthinking this whole situation. He doesn’t blame you, but Donghyuck doesn’t like seeing you cry, at least not like this.

“I promise that when I’m away you will always be on my mind. You always are. Without a question, and me being in America won’t change that.”

You could feel the heat coming from his mouth speaking down your neck. He kisses your cheeks pulling apart to look you in your eyes and you felt your lips fall apart as he smiles at you.

“Understand, Y/n?” He says wiping your bangs away from your face, keeping all the hair out of your beauty that could block it.

You look down biting your lip. “Yeah… I do. Im happy for you. I really am Hyuck. You have no idea how proud I am to be your girlfriend and someone to see you become something big you’ve always wanted to be when you were little.”

“But when I say I want to build a house with you, using the same fence as yours, I really mean it.” You croak out rubbing your eyes again as they start to tear you apart once more. He could finally see your true feelings that maybe, you felt slightly uncomfortable being this far away from your home.

Your home, Lee Donghyuck.

He bites his bottom lip, pressing his forehead in your shoulders covering his face as he clenched his jawline. He felt his own eyes water but somehow he was trying not to touch your emotions too much. He shouldn’t cry because he wants to comfort you. But he failed and the minute you heard him softly escape a cry out you wrapped your arms round him comforting your boyfriend’s heart.

You didn’t say anything but listen to your cries out loud as a way to cope with your emotions but somehow you both felt relieved. You cried it out together, you helped each other out together, you never backed away, or shy away from each others emotions you faced them head on.

It’s something you found to love in your relationship with Donghyuck. He was there for you and you were there for him when he needed someone the most. When he couldn’t find someone to turn to, you were there with your open arms for him to take and hold on to. You’re his foundation.

And he’s your home. You’re his land and he’s the home you build in that land that’s keeping him strong.

“I love you, Y/n.” His fingers wrap round your fingers suddenly in a warmth scape you find them becoming more comfortable in the holding gaze than they were outside of it. Your fingers were perfect, fitting right into his own hands.

Your eyes look up at him when Donghyuck lifts his face. It became flushed with tears straining his beautiful tan skin and his dark puffy upper hair that looks like the softest silk in the entire world made you feel like you totally bagged a jackpot. Lee ‘effortlessly attractive’ Donghyuck was in front of you making it hard not to stare him down like he was everything you’ve ever wanted, like he was your ideal meal you could devour on pure endurance of this planet.

You felt your skin grew warmer and warmer and your heart become lighter than before. You found yourselves in your comforting bodies more than anyone else’s and somehow this Heart 2 Heart brought you closer than before.

“I love you Donghyuck.” You reply back with your cheeks growing up smiling at him. Donghyuck returns the smile through passing a small sensual kiss on your lips with his.

He smiles through your shared loving kiss your heads moving in synch together, like two breathes joining unison together with your own heart. He didn’t dare stop kissing you, in fact he kissed you like you were the only thing he would ever want to kiss and nothing else ever again, nothing, could compare the way your lips have felt on his lips. So warm and so soft to compare to anything on earth it did not exist. Your love was better than Venus, your heart was better than anyone’s he knows.

It all took a Heart 2 Heart to realise that being apart from Donghyuck will not break you apart. It won’t change the fact that this boy in front of you inhaling your mouth and your oxygen from your body like it’s the last thing he will do to make you realise that the distance between you and him is nothing. Your love was stronger than this.

Now he’s going to make you realise it by giving you a long night of his passionate feelings in one go to make you feel and realise what he feels for you is more than this tour he could ever go on.

Your heart and his heart matters only.

Heart 2 Heart.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating and copyrighting my work thank youu! Please reblog and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out <3

[garbinge]

Riding With Angels

Jax Teller x F!Reader

Request by: @justreblogginfics​ Scenario #1 Decorating the tree Dialogue #4: "I know we said no presents this year but..."

A/N: Okay so I’m either 2 months late for a holiday fic OR 10 months early... you decide lol. If you know me, you know I can’t write anything without making it angsty. This can be read as a standalone but is meant to be a continuation of Home. Thank you for submitting this... I had a really great time brainstorming this up and writing it!!!

Word Count: 4.1k words

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Cursing, angst, mentions of death, car/motorcycle accidents. Canon-level angst. 

SOA Taglist: @drabbles-mc (happy to add anyone to any future SOA fics!)

The atmosphere had everything going for it to be the perfect holiday evening. There was Christmas music playing lightly in the background, the kids and you had baked cookies and attempted to make gingerbread houses during the day. You had started to hang up some string lights throughout the windows in the house, but currently you were staring at the tree. Abel was dancing around the fake pine roping tinsel around it as Thomas was picking through the storage bin of Christmas items with likely no thoughts but what would taste good. It was a picture perfect moment, but you couldn’t help but miss Jax. You hoped the kids didn’t feel the absence of their father as much as you did but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. A little hand tugged at your shirt, the motion caused you to shake yourself from your thoughts and look down at Abel. 

“When’s daddy coming home?” 

The question left a weight on you. Your eyes moved over to the clock that sat above the entryway table. 8:17PM. It was technically still early, you thought, even though you knew you were kidding yourself. You always found yourself in this position, waiting on Jax. You were brought back to reality when the doorbell rang. 

“Daddy will hopefully be home soon, baby.” You picked him up to offer a little bit of comfort to the kid before making your way to the door. 

“Is that him?” Abel said as the doorknob turned. Gemma appeared through the door with her keys in hand. “Grandma!” he called out and wiggled out of your grip. 

Gemma hugged the boy as he collided with her while you went to grab Thomas to say hello. 

“Sorry to drop by unexpectedly,” Gemma said as she made her way to the living room. 

“Are you?” You subtly snapped. 

Gemma looked at you with annoyance and a little shock in her eyes. It wasn’t like you to act like that, while you had your opinions on Gemma, especially after reading John Teller’s manuscript, you never showed your cards to her. It honestly had nothing to do with being scared of her, which is what Gemma probably thought, it had to do with the kids, with Jax, the family you built together and the plans you and Jax had for the future, not showing your true thoughts and feelings was for that reason only. And even with all of that in mind, you did love the woman, just not her choices in life. But at this moment, you were taking out your anger on Jax and the club on Gemma. 

You quickly responded “I’m sorry, I’m in a mood.” 

“Rare for you.” The statement usually would have been sarcastic out of the older woman’s mouth but she meant it, because you always were able to put on a face. Before you could continue to talk, Abel was dragging both you and Gemma into the living room begging for you to help with the tree decorating. 

Your eyes were focused on the dish in front of you. It was sparkling clean but you were scrubbing furiously as a way to get your frustration out. The kids were in the living room still with Gemma, you weren’t sure if they were still decorating the tree or had moved on to something else, but as long as Gemma had them under her supervision, your mind couldn’t bring itself to focus on that. You took the opportunity to be by yourself and be upset, you didn’t like showing that to the kids, between that and everything with Gemma you felt like there were rare and few times in between that you could be your true self. If anything, Jax was really the only person you were your true self with and with him being MIA more often than not these days made you feel like you were losing a part of yourself. Which is why you were taking it out on the dishes. You hated the fact you were losing yourself over a boy. And yes, you understood it was deeper than that. It wasn’t just a boy. It was your family. But nothing took the sting of that away. 

“Looks pretty clean to me.” Gemma’s voice sounded from behind you.

You took a large sigh and looked back at her over your shoulder. “Where are the kids?”

“Playing in the living room, Abel wanted to wait till Jax came home to finish the tree.” Gemma said, leaning against the counter with her arms crossed. 

You mumbled under your breath, something that Gemma didn’t hear but she definitely understood what was happening.

“You gonna keep sulking or tell me what’s on that pretty lil mind of yours.”

You kept your mouth shut and moved back to a different dish in the sink, you weren’t going to entertain her on this because she wasn’t approaching the situation from a place with care, she was being nosy. 

“You know that ring on your finger doesn’t change anything.” 

And apparently now she was being mean. You stopped dead in your tracks, your eyes moved down to your left hand where the silver engagement band glistened under the running water. 

“It’s the same Jax. Same club. Same ways of working. There’s gonna be late nights, sweetheart, that’s why you’re here, for the kids, for the house, you keep the foundation solid and they bring the money home for you to keep things solid. The ring doesn’t change that, if anything it makes it more prevalent.”

Boiling. Your blood was boiling. Now your thoughts of losing yourself were being taunted by the thought of being just a housewife, just someone’s old lady. 

Gemma might have been right in her time, even if the irony of the fact that she had never been one to sit on the sidelines, she might as well be patched with the sway she had on the men in the club, Jax included. 

“You realize you’re lecturing me because I’m upset Jax wasn’t here to decorate the tree with his kids.”  You turned to her, you started out the night giving her attitude and you weren’t going to stop now. “You talk about keeping this solid,” you waved your hands around the room, “how do I do that when my kids are asking about Jax all day long?”

“Your kids?” Gemma smiled.

You turned around again back to facing the sink and shook your head. “Why do you start these conversations when you just want to argue, your goal in this is to just come out on top. Those ARE my kids, Gemma. I feed them, I spend my days with them, my nights with them, I placed them in the best schools, best daycares, they call me mom for fucks sake.”

Gemma walked over to you, in a Teller attempt to apologize and clarify herself. 

“Those ARE your kids.” She said, “It’s just shocking to hear you say it.” 

“Shocking?” you turned realizing now, how close she was to you. 

“You’re very hard to read, you know.” She cocked an eyebrow up. 

That made you laugh, “I know what you’re saying, about keeping things solid, but you out of all people should know that it's different when they’re at the position they’re in. I’m not just a Son’s old lady. I’m the VPs old lady. I’m Jax Teller’s old lady.” 

“You aren’t just marrying the man, baby. You’re marrying the club.” 

Those words weighed heavy on you. You weren’t marrying the club. You and Jax had long conversations about leaving the club which is why you were feeling how you felt. Everything felt backwards, he was spending long nights doing club things, it seemed like he was getting deeper in the club when he was promising you that he was getting out. But in Gemma’s eyes that was fact so you quickly flipped a switch. 

“You’re right, sorry Gem. Just the holidays and stuff make it harder, you know.” You shrugged and dried your hands off. 

“C’mon, let’s get back to the boys.” Gemma tried to move past this whole conversation like nothing happened. 

“I’m gonna make myself a cup of coffee, I’ll meet you there in a minute.” You said with the best smile you could. 

You made your way to the kitchen table with your cup of coffee. Slamming your head against the table seemed like a viable option right now, but instead you opted to rub your temples. 

The door opened, causing your head to jerk up to see who it was. Even though there was only one person left who it could be, it was still surprising to see Jax at the door. Opie was behind him, both of them looking like they had the longest night of their life. Abel’s voice filled the entire house as he screamed in joy. 

“DADDY!!!!” His little feet making quick stomping noises as they darted toward his father. 

A smile grew on Jax’s face immediately, he bent down to catch Abel in his arms. At this point, Jax was already past the opening in the entryway that led to the kitchen, leaving you unnoticed in the kitchen. 

“Someone was waiting for you to come home so you could decorate the tree.” Gemma’s voice was low but you heard it. Your anger boiled in your throat again, that wasn’t for Gemma to tell, that was for you to tell, but you didn’t even get greeted in your own home yet so what did you honestly expect. 

Opie looked into the kitchen, his eyes taking in the scene of you. Clocking your frustration straight away, he called to Jax and nodded his head into the kitchen. Jax’s head peaked in and his expression dropped seeing you at the table. With a deep sigh, he entered the kitchen. 

“You want a cup of coffee?” Your feet were pushing up from your seat and making their way to the coffee machine before you could think, you knew that one hug from Jax and you’d be pushed over yet again. 

“I wanted to say hello to my wife.” You could hear how he was trying to work you in the tone of his voice. 

“Fiancé.” You corrected him and handed him a mug. 

His eyebrows raised, and a smirk played on his face. “I stand corrected.” A hand moved up in surrender while the other one gripped the coffee mug. 

You could hear Gemma and the boys playing together and Opie’s voice with them too. Now that was rare. Opie barely played with his own kids let alone Jax’s, which got you going down the rabbit hole of what that meant and how if Jax’s best friend could so easily dive back into the club after being so against it, was that what was happening with Jax. 

“What’s going on with you?” He asked genuinely. 

“What’s not going on, Jax? It’s fucking Christmas time and you’re barely home,” you paused to whisper your next sentence, “you told me you were done with this shit and now you’re deeper in than ever and you’re pushing me out, I don’t know anything that’s happening.” 

Jax understood your pain, but he wasn’t going to subject you to the club dramatics, he knew what he had to do to get out and he was doing it, despite what it might have looked like. 

“I’m sticking to our plan” His voice was firm. 

You shook your head and rolled your eyes. “Our plan.” You laughed like that actually meant something. 

“Darlin’.” He was getting annoyed but trying to meet you halfway or somewhere.

“No, Jax. This isn’t something you can just sweet talk your way out of. This is our fucking life.” 

“Do you trust me?” He said, stepping towards you. 

“Less and less everyday.” You said truthfully and it pained his heart but he did understand. “But, yes. I do.” 

Jax peered into the living room, seeing Gemma in deep conversation with Opie. 

“You out of all people should know why I can’t just leave, why I have to leave everything in a good place. This was the last thing my dad had. I didn’t get a house or some real estate investment when he died,  this is what he left me. The club was his and I can’t just let it die because I want out.”

There was so much to argue with what he said, you read that manuscript and even though JT had blueprinted a way for the club to earn legit, you also knew that he ended it wanting to burn it all down. Jax believed that was just a desperate man angry at the world who knew he was on borrowed time, but you knew it was the writing of a man who had exhausted every option. The only reason you didn’t have it in you to say that to Jax was because you got it. This was what bonded you two. This was how you met and got to talking all those years ago…bonding over dead fathers and the irony of how they both had gone from motorcycle accidents. That day you met in the Harley shop, you both stood in the plaque aisle getting something to honor them. The very thing that glued you two together was the very thing tearing you apart.

You understood the pain of trying to live in their honor, do things to carry out their legacy. In fact, it was probably why you were so eager to get out of this horror of a town. But the same very thing is what was keeping Jax here. 

“I know I didn’t know JT, but, I can’t imagine he’d want you drowning, Jax. Exhausting your options is exactly what he did, there becomes a point where you have to recognize that before you end up like both of our fathers...” 

“Riding with Angels.” He finished your sentence looking at the two plaques that had brought you two together that hung in the kitchen. “That’s not gonna happen. Please, that’s why Opie’s here, I briefed him on everything tonight, I’m gonna give him JT’s book and just it’s gonna be fine, I need you to believe that.” Jax was begging you. 

Looking into his eyes, you saw he needed that faith. You thought back to what Gemma had said, that you need to be solid, be the foundation and keep things stable at home. Hating to admit it, but she was right. Even though she had no clue what was truly happening, she was right. And you hated that. 

But there was nothing you could do, and that’s what you hated even more. 

Feeling defeated, you stepped towards him, letting your hand raise and sit on the left side of his kutte, your fingers lightly swiping over the redwood original patch. Slowly your hand moved down to  grip his arm that was holding the coffee mug, your gaze moved up to his eyes, blue as ever, you wished you could get lost in them like you used to, before looking into Jax’s eyes felt like euphoria, it felt like young and wild passion, but lately it felt like you were drowning, looking into them was like a high tide pulling you back in deeper and deeper each time until you were drowning. And they did, because as you looked into them, you gave up and let the waves of baby blue take you in. “Tell your mom to go home, give Opie the manuscript, and decorate the tree with me and the kids.” You demanded those three things, if you were going to give him another chance you at least needed to feel like you were in charge. “I’ll be in the bedroom, waiting, I can’t look at either of them right now.” 

Truthfully, you would have said that about anyone associated with the club. You felt defeated, broken, and like you had lost the biggest game of tug o war. Realizing the club took priority over you was a reality that slapped you across the face every time and looking at Gemma and Opie was just pouring salt into that wound.

He tried to smile down at you, trying to offer compassion even though truthfully he was glad that a fight didn’t escalate and he had the opportunity to show you he had everything under control.

You escaped to the bedroom, not even glancing up to Opie and Gemma as you walked down the hallway, their eyes were burning into you but still you didn’t even look through your peripheral vision. 

As you stood in your shared bedroom, part you thought to pack your shit up and leave, you could go through the window, take only what you needed and just leave it all behind. You stared at the open closet where your suitcase sat, it was covered by Jax’s duffel, the irony behind it all. Before you could have a thought more, you felt a tug at your pants. As you looked down into the little eyes that were staring back up at you, every thought of leaving escaped you. There was a slight giggle out of his mouth as he tucked his head into you. A pang of guilt hit you for a moment, that you even thought about leaving. If Jax’s eyes were the high tide drowning you, Abel’s were the breath of fresh air to save you. 

“Daddy says to come out to the tree.” The boy hid his face again with a giggle.

“Oh, really? Are we going to finish decorating it all together?” You asked bending down to his level. 

“He said Santa gave him something to give to you.” 

“Santa, huh? I can’t believe daddy knows Santa!” You teased the boy, he laughed and pulled your arm because he seemed eager to see what it was. “Come on, let’s go.” You said picking him up and walking out to the living room. 

Jax had been placing ornaments on the tree with Thomas who was trying to pull them off. 

“I hear Santa gave you a gift for me.” Your voice had changed, it wasn’t as lively as it was when you talked with Abel but it also wasn’t as rigid as when you were talking to Jax. Somewhere in the middle of that was where you were now. 

Jax smiled, and bent down to grab a black bag that was under the tree. "I know we said no presents this year but...Santa doesn’t listen.” Jax smirked as he handed the package over to you. “Santa also didn’t have time to wrap it.” He smiled, his grin was shit eating and if he didn’t have Thomas in his arms you would have pushed him back slightly but you just shook your head and took the black bag in your free hand, the one that didn’t have Abel. 

It was a pretty big package, decently heavy. You placed Abel down, he started decorating the tree, handing ornaments up to Jax and Thomas as you stared at the bag. 

“You gonna open it or what?” Jax asked, still grinning. 

“Open it! Open it!” Abel jumped up and down. 

With a deep sigh you grabbed what was inside the black bag to find another bag around whatever the item was. This bag however, was clear with the words ‘EVIDENCE’ printed across it. There was some writing on the white printed square on the front of the bag. A frown filled your face, a fucking evidence bag? What was Jax thinking? Your eyes scanned over the bag reading the red marker notes. 

April 28th, 1994 Highway 99 Marker 78 TOD: 11:37

This was all the information of when your father died, your heart started beating faster as you started to come to terms with what this was. Your hand opened the evidence bag and met the fabric from inside. The feeling of the worn leather and patches felt like the cure you needed. It sent something over your entire body. Just when you thought that nothing could beat this feeling, you took it out of the bag. The smell of your father’s cologne was still faint on the fabric but strong as it hit your nose. The tears built up as you let the evidence bag fall to the ground and the leather jacket fully drop open. The brown leather was so worn, it had seen a lot over the years of your father wearing it, many highways, many states. The patches each had a story of their own. Most of them coming from the different states he had traveled to, Nevada, Texas, Arizona and more. Some to honor his time in the military and service to the county. Some just for decoration, a skeleton’s middle finger, a bear with it’s teeth showing, a compass. Then your hand passed over the patch you gifted him when you were a kid. #1 Dad. It was worn, more worn than you had remembered, but that’s when you saw the scuff from the accident. It had ended where the #1 Dad patch was, expanding across a large amount of other ones, making them have loose stitching where the leather was scratched. The pavement probably ripping the threads from them off as he slid against it from the accident. It offered you a bit of closure, seeing how it all happened. You had begged the police department for more information besides a crash, the report you saw didn’t even have an officer sketch of the accident and since foul play was a potential factor, they had kept all the evidence. You gave up years ago trying to get the evidence from lockup, but somehow it was sitting in your hands right now. 

Looking up from jacket, your eyes blurry from tears, you stared at Jax. 

“How?” It was the only word you could get out of your mouth. 

Jax placed Thomas on the ground to crawl around, and turned up the Christmas music so it would be harder for them to hear what he was gonna say. 

“Unser owed me one. He was able to pull a few strings at the Stockton State Trooper station. That’s why I was home late tonight, Ope and I went to pick it up and got stuck in traffic on the 99, construction shit.” 

You were in awe. After everything you tried, after all these years, you had his jacket in your hand, you had closure in your heart, something that almost felt unreal. 

“Unser has the police report, the real one. Figured you’d want the choice to look at it,” he started to explain, “that and it wasn’t up for civilian grabs.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Thought the jacket would be more of a heartwarming gift. There’s something in the inside pocket, too. Pictures. I didn’t look through them, I just wanted to make sure it was really it, based on what you’ve told me.” 

“Jax–I,” you had no words, you brought your hands up to wipe the tears from your eyes. 

“Why is mommy crying?” Abel said trying to raise his voice over the music. 

“Santa got me a really good gift, Abel.” You said looking directly into Jax’s eyes. “Something she’d been asking for for a long long time.” 

“Does that mean Santa is going to get me a skateboard this year?” Abel asked excitedly. 

You and Jax both let out a laugh, yours was cutting through the tears. “Thank you. So much.” You mouthed to him, it was all you could offer up with how much emotion you were feeling. 

Jax just shook his head with a nod, like it was nothing, a simple favor but he knew how much it meant to you.

“Come on, let’s finish decorating this tree.” Jax’s voice got higher as he spoke to the kids, picking Abel up to get the candy cane ornament near the top of the tree.

After placing the jacket safely on the couch for now, you picked Thomas up, so the 4 of you could all be at eye level. You looked over at Jax who was laughing about something with Abel. The music had changed, one of your favorite Christmas songs playing in the background. As the latest laugh left Jax’s mouth, his eye caught yours and he looked at you. Like really looked at you.

The blue eyes you were staring at weren’t trying to drown you in that moment anymore, they had a tint of hope and glimmer in them. You didn’t feel like the tide was trying to bring you in, you felt like maybe they were saving you. So for what you told yourself would be the last time, you forgave Jax, and more importantly you believed Jax. Because he had proven to do the impossible tonight for you, he must have been able to do it again for your family. Right?

[obetrolncocktails]

Worry | Josh Kiszka X Reader

Warnings: Imposter syndrome, general insecurities, fluffy ending!

Word Count: 3.3K

A/N: I wrote most of this a few months ago after a televised charity event that GVF performed at, but I can't remember which one it was right now...I just remember the vibes being weird, and them not handing out roses, but they sounded incredible...so it kinda inspired me to write some angsty/sad stuff...don't worry, though. It ends on a good note.

Summary: An off-performance has pulled Josh into a depressive mood, and you're not sure what happened until you read his words off of the pages of his journal.

What if in the end, there’s no hands to reach for the white roses every night? No one singing our songs? Not a single tear shed from the meaningful experiences that tie us so close but so far from one another?

What if the stage lights dim and we wake up asking ourselves, ‘Where do we go from here?’

When will we know that we’ve stepped onto the final stage, and what will be the final utterance of those anthems that were once so intrinsically embedded within us? 

I fear…I fear that one day…

I fear that one day we will walk away, having spilled those last drops of determination for a door that ends up closing anyway. 

I never want to wake up to a day without you singing my songs back to me, your hands reaching out to me just to say, “I appreciate you–I love you–and we’re in this together…” 

It’s a painful burden that I carry…to even think about the possibility of it. But still, after performances like tonight’s, I just can’t help it. 

***

“Baby, you can’t sleep in all day. It’s literally almost one o’clock,” you whined, rolling over to rock Josh out of his seemingly impenetrable slumber. 

“Arggggh,” he grumbled, turning his body away from you, rolling back into the warmth of the comforter and pillows. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled. 

You should and would have been annoyed, but something in you softened, his body somehow beckoning for you. You crawled into bed beside him and wrapped your arms around his, leaning in to kiss his bare shoulder. You didn’t speak because you felt like you didn’t need to. One of his hands moved to drape over yours, squeezing your fingers lovingly. His head tilted slightly and he opened his eyes to groggily look at you. The sleep in his gaze, matched with the unkempt state of his hair made him look devastatingly beautiful in the natural light of the room. His amber eyes flooded into yours, and though he hadn’t smiled yet, you could see the love expressed through them. 

“Good morning, baby,” you said softly. 

“Afternoon,” he corrected, rolling over on his back and pulling you into his embrace to lay your head on his exposed chest. You laid there for a few drawn-out moments, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the warmth of his skin against your face. You enjoyed the tickle as his fingers ran through the length of your hair. He was particularly quiet today and you took notice, though you didn’t comment on it. 

“Usually you’re not such a late sleeper,” you spoke, looking up at him. You watched him as he stared straight ahead. You could tell that he was already so deep in thought when you spoke. 

“Hmm? Oh, well–just had to work the crowd a bit extra last night,” he said evasively. You knew he wasn’t telling the complete truth because he didn’t look you in the eye when he spoke–something he was usually very good at…He was far away today, and you weren’t sure why. You had mentioned going to the show last night to see them, but you had also made the trip to see the boys in three of their previous consecutive dates on tour. 

“It’s just for charity. We’re making an appearance–performing a quick set this time, shouldn’t be a big deal,” he had said as he sipped on his throat coat tea. “I know you’d prefer some time by yourself, baby.” He seemed nonchalant about the performance, but nonetheless excited to put on a show like any other day. 

“Are you sure?” You asked him again. You loved watching him and the boys perform. The charisma and talent was there every single night to a degree that left you constantly astonished at their endurance. It had to be tiring, but for Josh–he never seemed to let it wear him down. Yes, he had dealt with several health issues in the past, but he moved forward despite them, choosing to dismiss them as one of the sacrifices of being a touring band. It didn’t help considering how long the band had been touring over the last year. 

Today, however, he seemed especially distant–worryingly so. 

“I’m gonna go shower,” he said quietly, rolling out of bed and sauntering across the room. 

“Want me to join?” You asked with a hopeful tone, offering him a soft smile. 

“Oh, I won’t be in there long, baby. Just a quick shower. Love you,” he said, denying your offer. He leaned over the bed and pecked your lips quickly before turning and walking into the bathroom. 

You watched him turn and start the shower, and swallowed down the disappointment. 

Your eyes scanned the hotel room for a long moment, missing the look of his room at home, the comfort of the familiar and cozy space that you both knew so well. You pushed the sheets off of the bed and began to roll off of it, still feeling the warmth of Josh’s side. As you stepped off of the bed, you began to slip. Your eyes flew downward to regain your center of gravity. What the… you thought as you righted yourself, looking down to discover what you had slipped on. Josh’s journal. You bent to reach for it, picking it up, when a piece of paper from the hotel notepad slipped out of the pages and fell to the floor. The piece of paper had been extensively written on and it looked like it had been crumpled and discarded at first. You assumed Josh decided differently and decided to tuck it back into the book. Your eyes flitted up to the bathroom, hearing nothing except the water running and Josh humming a random tune. You didn’t want to invade his privacy, but something about this piece of paper urged you to flip it over and read it anyway. 

You sat at the edge of the bed, absorbing the words he had written on the page. You read them over and over, trying your best not to miss a single word. Anxiety wracked your body, both from the chances of being caught, and from the dense, emotional text. It broke your heart that Josh would even think about the fans not being there. From all of the shows that you had attended, the venues had gotten increasingly larger, the crowds louder and more dedicated–it just didn’t make sense that he would consider these things, let alone write them down. These feelings were very real, and he hadn’t told you about any of it. You gulped down your own feelings and slipped the paper back into the journal, setting it on the bedside table before reaching for your phone. You searched on twitter for any tell-tale signs that would tell you what the problem was. Admittedly, you didn’t watch the livestream last night. When you had told Josh, he had actually seemed relieved that you didn’t. At the time it had perplexed you. Now you wanted to kick yourself for missing it. 

‘Oh shit, let me tell you. I would claw someone’s eyes out for a rose from Josh. I wish he would have given them out,’ one tweet had said. ‘Bro that crowd was dead as fuck. They deserved better,’ another wrote. ‘They looked so upset while they played,’ read the third tweet. That was all you needed to see. You tossed your phone on the bed and got dressed. You and Josh needed to get out of these cramped four walls.

You got dressed within minutes and chose an outfit that Josh loved–a simple, slouchy pullover paired with jeans and boots. He had always told you that you made simple beauty look most exquisite because you didn’t have to try. That was the thing about Josh. He is who he is because of the amount of love that overwhelms his body, mind and soul. He wants nothing but the best for others, and most of the time he portrays the role of the cockeyed optimist. But today, you couldn’t help but watch his sparkle dim through the invisible storm cloud that schlepped above his head and into the shower.  

“Feel better?” you asked softly as he walked into the bedroom with a towel wrapped neatly around his waist. 

He nodded with a gentle smile. “I needed it, I think.” He looked at you. “You look beautiful, baby. Where are you going?” 

“You mean, where are we going?” You said, emphasizing ‘we.’ “We’re going on a walk. Let’s get out here. I’m tired of looking out from ten stories up, and I think you need a change in scenery.” You spoke lightheartedly. You knew he would attempt to stay in, but you wouldn’t let him. 

“Eh, well, I was just thinking about staying in, catching up on reading. I’ve been trying to finish that book for a week, you know,” he said, pinching the hair at the nape of his neck, indicating that though he wasn’t lying, the book wasn’t the reason he wanted to hide. 

“Josh. I am asking you to spend time with me. It’s not often that you have a day off with me, and I can tell you’re upset about something,” you said, stepping closer to him, taking his hand in yours. “Talk to me. A short walk. We don’t have to go to any stores…no cars…not even lunch. Just a walk. You and me,” you said, looking into his eyes, neutralizing your expression. “Please.”

Maybe you were being overbearing. Guilt tugged at you slightly, but you pushed it back down. You didn’t ever want Josh to feel like he needed to retreat emotionally, that he couldn’t speak to you. He hadn’t said much about the concert last night, anyway. So this would give you an opportunity to ask him. Surprisingly, he didn’t argue further. “Okay, let’s go,” he said, offering you a gentle smile that simultaneously filled your heart and broke it at the same time. 

The walk began quietly as you held hands, taking time to watch people and to take in the view of the busy city, watching so many people flit in and out of shops with armfuls of shopping bags. 

“No shopping,” Josh said with a grin, squeezing your hand. 

“I know,” you said, copying his expression. “But you can’t blame me for just looking,” you said, pushing into his shoulder playfully. 

“Can I buy you a coffee?” You asked. “I think we could both use the pick-me-up.”

“I’m buying,” he said. “Me paying it forward for waking up so late.” 

“Alright,” you nodded. “Let’s go.”

Ten minutes later, you both stepped out with fresh drinks in hand, sipping blissfully on the liquid joy. “Worth it. So worth it,” you said, the words falling out in a sing-song flutter. Josh was already well into his beverage, having tipped his nitro cold brew at an almost gulp. 

“I got this while you were waiting for the drinks,” you said, lifting a croissant in the air. 

“Give me some,” he said, reaching for the pastry as you walked together. 

“No, no no. It’s for the geese,” you told him. 

“Geese?” He asked, his brow wrinkling. You couldn’t help but giggle at how his nose crinkled. The way the corner of his lips tilted made your belly flip. 

“Come on, I saw them before we got coffee.” You took his hand and led him into an urban park that served as an oasis away from the honking horns, industrial screech of construction, and shouting people. In the center of the park, there was a rectangular man-made pond installed. There were several benches lining the perimeter. Gaggles of ducks and geese waddled about, taking bread and seeds from passersby. You led the way, walking to an empty bench and sitting down. Josh pulled you lovingly into his arms, something that was so innate, he didn’t even have to think about it. You both sat quietly, tearing pieces off of the croissant and tossing them to the ground, watching the birds peck at them. 

“Can I ask you something?” You asked, breaking the silence as you flung a piece in front of you. He looked up from the ground at you. 

“Sure,” he said, tossing a piece of croissant into his mouth. 

“What happened last night at the concert?” You asked, immediately regretting even mentioning it. He turned rigid as soon as the words left your mouth. 

“Eh, it was just a concert, not that much to report.” 

“Please don’t lie to me,” you said slowly, your voice shrinking quieter and quieter. He stopped talking. His eyes told you what you needed to know. You looked up at him, matching his gaze.

“I saw something that you wrote–this morning, before we left. I shouldn’t have read it, it was personal–” You spoke, adjusting nervously in your seat. He looked like he was going to turn green. You continued. 

“Josh, are you seriously worried about the band because of some stupid charity concert?” 

“You read my journal? Why would you do that?” He asked, his face growing angry before calming slightly. “And It wasn’t a stupid concert. It was for charity,” he corrected pointedly. “But you weren’t there. You don’t know. It was fucking embarrassing.” 

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have read it, and I’m sorry. But what do you mean it was embarrassing. What happened?” You asked, pulling your feet up on the bench to sit cross legged.

“No one sang our songs, no one swayed to light my love…no one even clapped, really.” He tossed more bread to the ground as he spoke. “We didn’t even give the roses away.” 

“What do you mean?” you asked, though you knew very well. 

“I didn’t even pass out roses, Y/n. There was no one to give them to.” 

“Okay, but that was just one concert,” you said, trying your best to be encouraging. “And it wasn’t your show, you know. You weren’t headlining.” 

“You’re not making me feel better, babe,” Josh said, looking over at you with an ironically amused expression. He shrugged before speaking again. “I don’t really know why I feel the way I do. It’s stupid.” 

You placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s not stupid. Not in the slightest. There is so much pressure on all of you to do a great job every single night–and you know what? You’re also human. Did you feel this way the other night in Raleigh?” He shook his head. 

“No, that show was amazing,” he said, softly sniffling, looking ahead of you over the sparkling water. “This one just didn’t feel the same.” He shook his head. 

“You will play thousands and thousands of shows, Josh. Many of them will be strange, some will have technical difficulties, and others? Hell, you might forget the words or I don’t know, bust an ear drum?” You asked with a smirk. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Those were extenuating circumstances.” 

“My point is, you’ve got to shake this one off. You have millions of people out there that depend on your music to speak to them every night when you step on stage. You mean so much to so many people, and one weird show or performance can’t discount that, can it?” 

He shook his head. “No, not really. I just don’t want to disappoint them.” 

“You’ll disappoint them if you stop telling stories. You have a gift, Josh–and I’m not telling you this because I love you. The first thing I noticed about you when I first saw you play was the passion you have for music, and even more so, for your brothers. Jake, Sam, and Danny count on you just as much as you count on them,” you say. He picked at the seam of his pants while he listened. “I have an idea.” 

He looked up at you expectantly. “What?” 

“Why don’t you guys take some time during sound check tomorrow to play with something new? Something you love…literally anything. Take a break from this music for a second. You guys need to jam, you know?” You got up and decided you didn’t care about the way you looked. You began to play the air guitar in front of him. “Sing your favorite songs, right?” His eyes followed you as you pranced around in front of him, mimicking Danny and the way he plays the drums, and you tried your best to copy his expressions. Josh chuckled softly, revealing a row of sparkling teeth. “Sing with me,” you said, stepping forward to pull him off the bench. 

“You’re crazy,” he said, coming to stand beside you. You didn’t stop dancing. You’d do whatever you could to pull the sadness and insecurity from his body, even if it meant embarrassing yourself in public. 

“Not as crazy as you are. You do this every night for a living,” you fired back. He took your hands and danced terribly, his body lurching and tilting in ways that looked far more like interpretive dance. You cackled. Loudly. So loudly, your cheeks filled with warmth, and your gut began to pinch as your belly hitched with laughter. Josh reached for you again, returning to the pathetic dance routine. Eventually you both broke apart breathlessly, having completely forgotten about the rough start to the day. You both relaxed back into the park bench and you pulled yourself into his arms, laying your head against his chest. 

“You’re right,” he said after a long time, looking down at you. You flicked your eyes up to meet his gaze. “That show doesn’t matter, and I honestly feel like I did some of my best singing, too.” His fingers wound loosely through your hair. “It’s just all so precarious, you know?” He asked the question, but really, you didn’t know. You weren’t a musician by trade, you were just a good partner. His partner. “I don’t want us to fade into nothing. That just scares the shit out of me.” 

“Then continue to tell an honest story,” you told him. “You’ll always have someone listening if you remember why you all started this in the first place. It’s because you had and still have something to say. Do you think you’ve run out of stories yet?” You asked him. 

“Not by a long shot,” he answered. 

“Then, maybe it’s time to go back to your roots and write from the heart–introduce something new that feels nostalgic and special at the same time.” 

“I think you’re on to something,” Josh said, adjusting in his seat to cross his arms across his chest. “You know what? After the show tomorrow, I think we all need to get together and just play.” He scratched his chin thoughtfully. “I’ve been thinking of some lyrics, so maybe Jake and I could try some melodies and see what works.” You couldn’t hide the smile that spread across your face. 

“And I’ll be there in the corner giggling while you argue with Jake. Maybe Danny will invite me to play minigolf while you two figure it out.” 

“I guess it’s all part of the…creative process.” Josh added with a grin. 

“I can’t wait to see what you come up with,” you told him, taking his hand in yours. 

“Well, we’ve got a while until then. For now, let’s go do something fun,” Josh changed the subject, standing up and taking the lead. “Have it in you to risk your life for a crappy, creaky roller-coaster and a corndog?” You tilted your head, a bit unsure of what he had up his sleeve. 

“Come on, every large coastal city has some type of Coney Island knock-off. Let’s go on an adventure.” His entire mood had shifted to one of optimism and curiosity, and you weren’t about to say no to him. 

“Only if you win me a gigantic plushie.” You said with a bright smile.  

“I'll check another bag on the plane if I have to,” He said, leaning forward to kiss you gently on the lips. 

“Deal,” you agreed happily, returning the kiss against his lips, letting him take the first step forward out of the park.

____

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[theladybarnes]

CHERRY BOMB: CHAPTER FOUR

“Look, I wasn't trying to be a jerk. It's just that we're not kids anymore.”

▸ summary: summer rain is here, and you’re definitely feeling it’s effects on your mood ▸ characters: steve harrington, robin buckley, & dustin henderson ft. a fun phone call ▸ word count: 4.2k           ▸ warnings: angst, semi-fluff ▸ series masterlist

Driving home that night proved to be a bigger stress for you. After Robin, Steve, and Dustin made a plan for the morning, you quietly took Dustin home. Listening to all the things he needed to look for Russian spies inside the mall the next day. 

 The only answer you gave to him was a simple ‘yes’ when he asked to be dropped off at the mall in the morning. 

 The severity of the situation seemed to be slipping past all their minds tonight and you can’t help but grow worried at what their snooping might do. What if this was more intense than they thought? You were still hopeful that the translated message was just gibberish. But knowing Hawkins..it could be the worst.

 You were about to head to sleep when you heard the phone down the hall from your room. Not wanting to let it wake up anyone else in the house, you tiptoed out your room and quickly picked up the receiver. 

 “Henderson residence. What do you want?” you asked curtly. 

 “Geez, do you always pick up your phone like that?”

 You rolled your eyes, scanning over the clock that was mounted on the wall to check the time. “I get like that when people call our house near midnight.” you sighed, moving to sit down on the chair by the phone stand. “Why are you calling so late, creep?”

 Jonathan laughed on the other line, sounding amused by your attitude more than anything. “I’m calling because it’s been a good minute since I’ve seen you. I just wanted to know if you were all right.”

 “I’m touched.” you said honestly. “But what’s the real reason?” 

 “Company?” he laughed, obviously being caught. “I’m developing some photos and wanted someone to talk to. I hoped you'd be awake.”

 “Gosh, the paper is really working your ass off.” He laughed a bit on the other end again. “What kind of story are you helping with that they have you working this late?”

 “If only it were a story,” he said, sounding tired. “I’m sort of developing these crazy shots of a rat for Nancy.”

 “That’s romantic.” you snorted. 

 “It’s for something she thinks might be a lead. Something with the rats that are getting into chemical supplies…it’s a lot.”

You can’t help but frown. Knowing that he’s not entirely giving up the information that you want to seek out from his story. But at the same time, could you really dive into whatever that was and keep an eye out for the scoops trio from getting into trouble? Still..

 “Is this a lead that you guys might need my help in?” 

 “No.” Jonathan answered quickly. “Nancy’s getting pretty angsty about things at work and I know it’ll mean a lot to her if she’s able to help figure this out.”

 “Fine. But if you two need me, you’ll know where to find me.”

 “Yeah,” he snorted. “At the mall with Steve.”

 There was the teasing you had been waiting for. But after these past few days, you couldn’t help but think for once they were way off. Steve was proving to be even more complicated than you expected and you weren’t sure you could mentally handle it.

 “Did I lose you there, Henderson?”

 “I’m here.” you said after a minute. “I’m just..thinking.”

 “About Steve?”

 “Yeah.” you said honestly. “But not in the way you think.”

 “Well, tell me.”

 Looking down the hall you check to see if anyone is listening in to what you’re saying before bringing the phone up to your ear. “I’m likeable, right?”

 “I put up with you.”

 “That doesn’t answer my question.”

 “It does actually.” You could hear the sounds of something closing, possibly a door before he came back to the phone. “I don’t like most people.” he breathed. “In fact, it takes a lot for me to like someone, actually.”

 “How does that answer me?”

 “I’m getting there.” he grunted. “The first week you were here, and it was like you instantly treated me better than half the kids I had grown up with. Not because you liked me, not because you knew me, but because..you wanted to.”

 He took your silence as a sign to continue on.

 “You’re very real and honest with everyone. In a way that has people either running away or working hard to stay as close as they can.”

 “So you’re saying I’m a bitch.” you said finally, trying to lighten up the serious conversation. 

 “Not a word I’d use…Genuine. I think you’re genuine.”

 “Genuine..” you repeated, unsure if that fit what you felt about yourself.

 “And because you’re so genuine, it makes people strive to be with you. Whether it be because you’re friends..or more.”

 “Do you think there’s a chance that..he’d want more?”

 “Can’t say..” he sighed. The sound of him calling out to another coworker has you dreading ending the call. But before he does, Jonathan does leave you with some parting words to think over. “But what I can say is I highly doubt someone like Steve Harrington would miss his chance this summer to finally make his move.”

 “You think so?”

 “I know so.”

  The phone call, while still nice, did very little to help improve your mood. The following morning ended up matching your mood. Instead of the lovely sunny weather you’ve been given this past week, you’re starting out the new month with gloomy gray overcast. 

 What was worse was you were stuck heading into work earlier than usual, called in by one of the other lifeguards to come help. At first you were going to try and find a way out of it, but after being promised the chance to head home early, you decided you couldn’t pass it up. 

 Unfortunately, you’d deal with having to ditch a sleeping Dustin later on. 

 “This weather bites.” said your coworker Zoe as she entered inside the girl’s locker room. You had spent the majority of the gloomy day inside, cleaning up around the area while you waited for your closing shift to come inside.

 “Tell me about it,” you grumbled, jumping into your jeans. “Adam has had a stick up his ass all day too.” 

 Zoe nodded her head, pulling up her perfect curls into a high ponytail. “That would be because instead of working with his crush today. He gets your lovely disposition.” she teased, making you freeze for a moment. Did she really mean that? “Honestly, it’s probably just this rain. Makes everyone crazy.”

 “It’s ridiculous.” you frowned, looking down the hall to see the gloom that seeped in from the doorway. “When the hell does summer have rainy days?”

 “In Hawkins it does.” she shrugged, grabbing onto her bright red bomber jacket. The Hawkins Pool logo brightly printed on her chest. “But you’re free to go have fun and soak this lovely rain up.” 

 “Please.” you laughed, grabbing onto your jacket. “I’m gonna spend the day hiding in the mall. Hopefully breaking my Dad’s heart with the charges I plan on making.” 

 “Have fun.” she waved, heading off towards the main office. You followed after her, almost heading to where your car was before you looked down at the member board. The picture of Heather posing happily for the team photo making you wonder just where the girl had gone off today.

 The light sound of thunder crackling in the distance felt like a pretty good answer. Just like you, she probably wanted to spend the day at home, under a nice blanket.

  The mall is at least a nice shade from all the rain and you find that despite whatever reservations you might have about the Russian tape debacle, that you’re at least doing something this summer. 

 Maybe it would be best to approach this differently. More positive. If there was something secret going on then all you guys had to do was turn this into Hopper. He’d get in touch with the officials from the lab for help and that’s it. Right?

 You were on the way to making your way to Scoops when you noticed two familiar heads of hair. 

 For some reason, the two boys had it under the notion that people inside of the mall would not see them behind the small plant life that trimmed the seating area. But also not see a giant pair of binoculars watching them. 

 Shaking your head, you brushed through the waves of people so that you could make your way over to them. They were kneeled beside each other, fighting over the binoculars when you listened in on their conversation.

 “..I don’t get why you’re looking at girls. You have the perfect one in front of you.” 

 You felt your heart stop as you listened to Dustin’s words. Could have possibly noticed your interactions with Steve? Did he happen to think on his own what you were secretly hopeful for?

 “Seriously, if you say Robin again–”

 “Robin.” Dustin said, cutting Steve.

 “No, don’t. NO.”

 “Robin, Robin, Robin.”

 They painfully continue this for a minute longer and you’re forced to bite down on your lip to keep from asking why Robin Buckley of all people. But really, if someone asked you to name a reason why there was a problem with Robin, you wouldn’t be able to really say anything.

 “No, man, she’s not my type.” Steve exclaimed. “She’s not even..”

 “Not even what, Harrington?” you asked, making your presence known. The two boys jumped a bit, but you ignored their shocked expressions to join Dustin at his left. 

 “Nice of you to join us, trouble.” Steve muttered, running a hand through his hair. 

 “Nice? Was it nice when she ditched me this morning to go to work? I had to take the bus! Like all the other people!”

 You rolled your eyes, slapping Dustin on the back of his arm. “I left a note for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t wait around for you to finally wake up just to drive you around. I actually needed to come into work early.”

 “Please, not only do you sit on a chair all day making sure a bunch of third graders don’t drown. But it is also raining. What work did they need you for?”

 “Whatever.” you scoffed, moving closer towards the two. “Let’s get back to the conversation..” you mused, raising a brow at Steve. 

 “Well,” Steve said, clearing his throat. “She’s not even in the ballpark of what my type is, all right?”

 “What’s your type again? Not awesome?”

 “Thank you.” Steve said sarcastically to Dustin.“For your information, she’s still in school. And she’s weird.” he explained. “She’s a weirdo. And she’s hyper. I don’t like that she’s hyper.”

 Dustin briefly ignored him, letting Steve continue on in his horrible explanation. 

 “And she did drama. That’s a bad look. And she’s in band?..NO.”

 Your cousin looked over his shoulder, oddly sharing the same look of discomfort that you were before faced Steve again. “Now that you’re out of high school, which means you’re technically an adult, don’t you think it’s time you move on from primitive constructs such as popularity?”

 “Oh, primitive constructs? That some stupid shit you learned at Camp Know..Nothing?”

 “Camp Know Where, actually. And no it’s shit I learned from life.”

 Shaking your head, you tried to think over what was being said exactly. While Steve wasn’t interested in Robin for trivial reasons, you couldn’t help but pick out a few things that could quite possibly be reasonable. 

 He was out of school, and possibly wanted to date someone his age now that he’d be out in the adult work life. And sure, Robin definitely was hyper and a bit unusual. But never in a way that you saw as something bad?

 In Steve’s eyes what was the type of usual person that he could see himself dating?

 “Don’t you agree?” 

 You snapped out of your thoughts to find that Dustin was speaking to you. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

 “I said that instead of dating somebody he thinks is gonna make him cooler, why not date somebody he actually enjoys being around?”

 It stunned you a bit to hear something so genuine from your cousin. Despite the petty fighting and teasing they do to each other. Dustin really wanted the best for Steve. Even going as far to give a slightly tough love, but heartfelt advice.

 “Wow, Dustin..that’s perfect actually.” you said, still taken back by his words.

 “Exactly. Then he can have what me and Suzie have.”

 “Oh, Suzie.” Steve said. “Yeah, you mean ‘hotter than Phoebe Cates.’ Yeah, that Suzie.” He stared up like he was actually thinking long and hard about his answer while he scratched at his head. But with the heavy sarcasm in his tone, you knew he was doing anything but. “Let’s think about how exactly did you score that beautiful girlfriend?..Oh, yeah with my advice.”

 You can’t help but laugh at his ego right now, knowing that Dustin’s words hit him pretty hard if he felt the need to bring up his past dating advice. 

 “That’s how this works, Henderson. I give you the advice, you follow through. Not the other way around, all right, pea-brain?” He turned away after that, a familiar pout tugged at his bottom lip as he scanned over the mall. 

 “You know, Dustin, what you said was pretty cool.” you said after a minute of their silence. “Have any solid advice for me?”

 “Advice?” he asked, setting down the binoculars. “For what, dating?”

 “Yeah, you never worked this hard to help find me a boyfriend. Lord knows I need one.”

 Steve in the back turned back to look over at you, pout slowly turned into a frown now. But before he could say anything, Dustin burst out into a fit of laughter. The two of you shared a confused look. “What’s so funny?” he asked Dustin.

 “It’s just hard to imagine the poor guy that’s gonna have to put up with her and her attitude. Not to forget, the mood swings.”

 You can’t control your face as you stare shocked at Dustin. Not only were these words the last thing you wanted to hear right now, but from your family of all people. Steve quickly nudged Dustin, frowning down at the kid before pointing to you.

 “Trouble here deserves a good guy. Someone who will make her laugh, be there for her, and care for her. Especially after the shitty ex she just dealt with.”

 Dustin snorted at that, pulling the binoculars back up to his face as he looked onto the crowds again. “Hate to break it to you, Steve. But that fairy tale prince does not exist for her.” He glanced up at you before he frowned a bit. “Why are you here anyway? Didn’t you say you wanted to shop today? We don’t need your help with this anyway. Just go.”

 Suddenly you’re filled with shame. Was there something in the water that had most people being put off of you? Or was there something else you weren’t realizing? Getting up from the floor, you ignored Steve’s gaze as you patted off the dirt from your pants.

 “Right..I’ll go.” 

 “Good, just be around later on so I can get a ride home.” Dustin said after that, facing back towards the crowd. You turn away after that, not wanting either boy to see as the tears formed in your eyes. Maybe he was right about all this. Maybe Dustin again came through with the only real advice.

 Either way, you went on to do what you did best. 

  “Sorry Miss but if you’re not going to buy anything, we’re gonna have to ask you to leave. We’re closing in five minutes.” 

 You nearly dropped the dress in your hands at the sight of the girl from up the counter inside Kaufman’s shoes. Has it really been hours since you attempted to shop? Every store you had gone into had been through a blind haze. Not really seeing anything you’d like or anything that could get you out of your mind. 

 “I’m sorry.” you said finally, setting the item back on the counter. “I’ve been a little distracted.”

 “No worries, hun. Have a safe trip home. Okay?”

 Waving goodbye to the cashier, you slowly left the store along with a few other stranglers. The lights of the mall had begun to dim and you were thankful for the day to be finally at an end. It was right when you were about to set foot out of the front doors of the building that you finally remembered.

 “Shit, where’s Dustin?” you groaned, slapping your hand against your forehead. 

 Turning around quickly, you pushed past the last few shoppers and made your way over to the escalators. Of course the machine had turned off and you carefully stepped down to the level of the food court. But it wasn’t until you were about to turn in the directions of Scoops that you suddenly felt it.

 The sudden realization that despite the empty food court, you were not alone.

 “Район теперь свободен. (The area is now clear).” 

 That’s all you needed to hear before you quickly dashed to hide behind one of the larger pillars that surrounded the escalator. 

 “Мы должны встретиться для доставки сейчас. (We are to meet for a delivery now.)”

 Peeking out from the side, you watched as two large looking men dressed in black heading towards the entrance to the Imperial Panda. Nothing too shocking, except for the fact that they were armed with large guns.

 “Holy shit.” you whispered, watching as they checked the area before finally going into the back door. “Evil Russians.”

 Knowing now that what Dustin and Robin had uncovered was real, you couldn’t help but feel the sudden panic. If they were anywhere near these guys, then they were most likely near danger. Dashing over to Scoops, you quickly rush over to the counter and find that there’s a note.

 “Up on the roof for further surveillance. -R ♡”

 “Shit,” you hissed, pushing past the metal swing door. You’re careful when running out the backroom of the loading hall. Scared that you might run into the goons that you saw before. But thankfully there seemed to be no one there. 

 Running down, you finally find the door that led up to the roof, rushing upwards so that you could finally get to the group. 

 “Guys?” you called out, being instantly hit with the rain. It’s pouring worse than ever and you shiver a bit as you step closer.

 “Duck!” you heard Dustin yell. Stepping forward, you arrive just in time to watch as they quickly turn around to face you. Confusion on their faces before Dustin reached over to drag you down on the floor. “Get down, idiot!” he hissed.

 Barely being able to register what’s going on, you looked over the edge a bit to catch sight of the same guards from downstairs. Only now they were looking up towards the roof. 

 “Guys we should mo-“

 The words die off from your lips when you take in the sight of Steve holding hands with Robin. The two of them were scared and breathing heavily but holding tightly to one another.

 “Let’s get the hell out of here.” Dustin said, dragging you away. Steve noticed your gaze and dropped hands with Robin before following after you two. 

 The run back towards the hall to Scoops is almost fast. Making you wonder if it was the panic or the anger that was building up inside of you. 

 A hand grazed at your shoulder, trying to get you to turn around but you push through to keep the lead. 

 “Well, I think we found your Russians.” You heard Robin say behind you. 

 You waited until the four of you were behind the locked doors of Scoops before turning around finally. 

 “I can’t believe it.” Dustin gaped, “they were definitely hiding something.” 

 “Exactly! Tomorrow we need to find a way to get into that storage room and see what they were guarding!” Robin said to Dustin.

 The two of them sounded almost excited to have their hunches confirmed. Making you frown even more at everything. Finally, after the day you had, you can’t hold back anymore. 

 “Are you two serious?” You asked, seething tone edging into your voice. “Did we all not see the same thing?”

 The two of them turned quiet, looking over at you with confusion. It’s only Steve whose head is tilted at you eyes turning wide at the familiar tone. 

 “What do you mean?” Robin asked. “Of course I did. The guards had something..”

 “Uh, I wouldn’t—.” Steve started. But you held up a hand to him. Taking a step closer to Robin with narrowed eyes. 

 “Had something? Is that really all you saw, you idiot?”

 Dustin stepped forward, frowning up at you with crossed arms. Obviously not picking up at your tone. “Look, we get it. You’re upset but you don’t have to go around calling people names.”

 “Oh I think I do!” You laughed, feeling your chest begin to ache with the amount of emotions running through. “You see, I tend to call people idiots when they blatantly ignore the signs of danger.”

 “Look, why don’t we just call it a night?” Steve interjected, trying to hold his hands up to you. 

 “No, Steve. I’d like to know why I’m being insulted.” Robin countered, frowning at you for the first time ever. 

 “You’re being insulted because instead of being scared at the idea that there are armed men in this mall, you’re curious as to what stupid thing they’re hiding in a box!”

 “But I’m not scared!” Robin yelled back. “And yes, I’m curious. But you would be too if you were invested in what’s going on!”

 “You are a child, Robin!” You argued. “Fuck, we all are.” Rubbing a hand through your face, you try not to explode and explain everything that’s happened. How adding this to the list of shit going on with Hawkins is not good. 

 “Look, you don’t have to worry.” Robin tried, more calmly this time. “We just have to be cautious about this and approach this carefully.” 

 You dropped your hand from your face to look at her questionably. “You cannot be serious. We should not get any more deeper than this! Do you not realize what would happen if we had stayed on that roof? If they had caught us?” Scoffing, you look over at all of them now. “It’s like you’re looking for trouble.” 

 “Look, I get that you’re upset and I would be too if I was proven wrong.” Dustin said coming closer to you. “But you can still get some credit from the search if you help us out tomorrow—“

 “Do you think that I would be so vapid as to be only interested in being right about this?” You gaped, looking down shocked at your cousin again today. 

 “Well yeah, that is why you’re mad isn’t it?”

 Stunned by his reply you can’t help but stagger back. Unsure at what point you came off like this girl that Dustin saw you as. 

 “Hey, no.” Steve said, coming close enough that he could place a hand on your shoulder. “He’s wrong. I know you’re not—“

 “Not what, Steve? Vapid? Moody? Filled with an attitude that makes me unlikeable?” You laughed feeling your head begin to ache. “You know, I thought you of all people would have put a stop to this.” 

 Steve’s mouth flopped open and closed as he tried to reply but you shook your head pushing his hand off from you. 

 “This is dangerous..and you guys just want to find out some dark truth for what? Patriotic glory?”

 Looking over at Robin, you tried to ignore the hurt look on her face. Reminding yourself that maybe if she was smart enough, she’d heed your warning and get over the insults. 

 “Look, if you guys want to get yourselves killed then consider me out.” You sniffed, trying to keep yourself in check. “After today, I seriously see that I’m no longer needed here.” 

 “Hey that’s not true.” Steve said quickly, frowning at you before he looked at the others. “Tell her guys.” 

 “Don’t make them lie for my benefit, Steve.” You said holding a hand up. After practically being no help, Dustin’s insults, and seeing all that you saw tonight. Including that last bit on the roof. You were no longer interested in anything else anyone had to say. 

 “I see the signs clearly and it’s just as well. Because I’m tired of this stupid mall, this stupid tape, this stupid summer..” you take a step forward giving Steve a glare as you poke hard on his chest. “..and I’m tired of you.” 

 Steve’s face instantly fell at your words. But you ignore the pain that’s behind that to keep your guard up. Turning to face the other two, you give them a sardonic grin.“See if you guys can translate a ride for Dustin. I’m out of here.” 

 And with that you rush out of the room. Feeling like every step echoed in the empty mall as you made a dash for the exit. Once you made it to your car, you quickly left the parking lot. Leaving the bright hue of the Starcourt Mall for possibly the last time this summer.

a/n: sorry for the angst, but we all know i’m not. hope you enjoyed the chapter!

[sitp-recs]

Save the Date by @mallstars

Harry/Draco (2023, Explicit, 123k)

In the twelve years after the war, Harry attends sixteen weddings. As friends and acquaintances vow their lives to one another, he watches quietly from the sidelines. Step by step, Harry pieces himself back together, builds a life from the wreckage of his past and falls, slowly and thoroughly, for Draco Malfoy. A story told in sixteen parts, of patient and transformative love, of queerness, of reaching out and holding on. Featuring plenty of pining, Gilderoy Lockhart getting married in a fever dream of glitter and product placement, and Rita Skeeter spitting a steady stream of venom at Harry and Draco's every move.

“Perhaps this was how much of Divination worked. Showing you something you wanted, or didn't want, and urging you along a path. Sitting in the freezing ground on a Bulgarian mountain as the sun commenced its journey up the sky, Harry made a decision. He would get to know someone, the way he knew Ron and Hermione. Better, even, if he was capable of that. It was evident, really, who he wanted that person to be - and Padma seemed to approve. It had to be Draco Malfoy.”

Since I’ve been talking and getting asks about my most recent read I’ve decided this would be a good opportunity to write a brand new rec, and hopefully send more people on their way to this story. I’ve been in the mood for longer fics lately but it’s getting harder and harder to binge anything over 30k, so instead of pressuring myself to rush through it I’ve decided to take my sweet time and embrace the experience over the past week.

Curiously, I found this fic thanks to the author herself! We bonded over our shared interest in a niche fic kink (isn’t that how it always starts!) and she mentioned that earlier this year she published her first fic, one she was very proud of. Naturally I had to ask for a link to check it out and I’m so happy that I did. This story is a long, aching and deeply emotional love letter to Harry, carefully exploring his trauma and post-war struggles in such a compassionate way it gave me a lump in the throat. From dealing with his childhood abuse and a general lack of sense of purpose after the war, to coming to terms with his fame and sexuality to finally allowing himself to be happy and fulfill his resolution: getting to know someone, deeply. I love how that scene puts everything into motion, giving the fic a magical and serendipitous tone that helped me get through the angsty slow burn knowing that Drarry was more than endgame, it was inevitable. The tea leaves willed so!!!!

We follow Harry’s melancholy and introspective POV for about 12 years, each one marked by a different wedding he attends. There’s this weary wistfulness about the way he sees things that really touched me, as he struggles to find his place and pines on for Draco. We celebrate the friends and acquaintances we get to know through his eyes, one wedding at a time - and what a fantastic cast! I especially loved seeing more of Angelina as she’s not usually explored in fic. From Blaise’s to Lockhart’s to Ron’s to Hagrid’s, each wedding ceremony offers a new setting for Harry’s self-reflection and advances the Drarry agenda offering him new ways to get to know Draco and himself. They don’t always meet or talk but Draco’s always at the back of his mind, even before the resolution is made, and I found that quite romantic!

I wasn’t expecting this fic to span over so many years but instead of never-ending pain where you don’t quite understand why they can’t kiss and make out already, Harry’s pining is soft and tentative; it allows him to grow, explore his own sexuality and learn how to be comfortable in his own skin before reaching out to Draco. Despite being unavailable for some time, we don’t really need Draco’s POV to know he’s aching for Harry just as desperately. But we do get a glimpse of his mind through their correspondence, which is how they actually fall in love.

Watching their friendship blossom through the letters made me so soft and happy I didn’t want it to end. I think that was my favourite chapter and and I’m not even that much of an epistolary enthusiast! But their written exchanges create the most delicious anticipation and oh, when they finally get together they’re both so sure and devoted to each other it feels earned and right. I love how the fic paces the progression of Harry’s initial obsession towards a calmer, reserved and patient love. Just like he wished many years before, he gets to know someone deeply: this reformed and fascinating tea shop owner Draco, who adores his mom, is there for his friends, says Harry’s name with adoration and has a fondness for flowers and owls 🥹

If you’re looking for a cathartic pining!Harry journey, with gentle slow burn and satisfying payoff - the endearments! the smut! be still my heart - this long fic is an absolute treat. Check it out today then let’s get started on @mallstars’s new time loop wip!

Read on AO3!

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

Steddie Flower Shop / Tattoo Parlor AU

I’m so sorry this is an angsty one again but it ends hopefully (and the whole fic ends happy I promise, no bummers 2k23). 

Part One I Part Two I Part Three I Part Four I Part Five I Part Six I Also on AO3!

Robin was running late. It wasn’t unusual but she did try to make an effort for Steve who was way too understanding about it. She had overslept and by the time she was up, Steve had already made a pot of coffee and left for the studio. Robin poured the rest into a travel mug and sped out the door texting Steve she was on her way. 

“Steve! I’m so sorry I totally missed my alarm.” She said as she ran back into the small back office. 

“It’s all good,” Steve answered. He seemed off to Robin. She started getting set up at the front to go through and organize Steve’s books and work on the shop’s instagram when she noticed that Steve hadn’t picked up Eddie’s flowers yet. 

“Are you going to grab lunch with Eddie today?” Robin asked. 

“Oh, no. Probably not. I mean he’s probably busy with Valentine’s orders or whatever.”

Robin knew something was wrong then. Steve and Eddie had been hanging out pretty regularly since their happy hour and Robin couldn’t remember the last time they didn’t at least drop off lunch for each other on busy days. “Do you need to run over to pick up your bouquet? The front desk is looking a little bare.”

“Not today, Robs.” Steve answered. 

“Okay, Steve, now I know something is wrong. What’s up? Did Eddie do something?”

“No, I mean. It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Steve said. 

“Steve, I’m here if you need me.” Robin patted his shoulder. 

“I just thought he was different. Like he got what I was doing here, Robin,” Steve sighed. “I mean we were hanging out and I showed him some of my sketches of his flowers and told him how much I think they’d be a great tattoo for him and I dunno he got super standoffish about it. He just kind of left and honestly I can’t deal with trying to validate myself and my art to someone else. I’m just so tired of it.” 

Robin took Steve in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, babe. He seemed like he wouldn’t be the type. I had no idea.”

“It’s fine, Robin. I mean I guess I should have expected it with his whole metal vibe or whatever.” Steve said. “I’ll be okay. I’m mostly used to it. I gotta go get ready for my client.” Steve stood and walked out of the back room to start preparing the space for his appointment. 

Robin was at a loss. Eddie had honestly seemed so different from the last few people Steve had been interested in. She felt like she was missing pieces. Robin didn’t want to betray Steve’s trust but also she didn’t want Steve to lose Eddie. She decided to text Chrissy a code red to meet at a coffee shop nearby asap. 

Chrissy showed up shortly after Robin had ordered and sat down. “Hey Robin. I’m going to hear you out because you’re my friend out but I’m pretty pissed at Steve.”

“We’re on the same page, Chris. I had half a mind to go yell at Eddie first but I’m worried about Steve and I think maybe there’s something he’s missing.” Robin said. “Can we just talk through what happened? I have a feeling our boys are being purposefully dense about something.”

“I didn’t get much out of Eddie. He was in quite the mood this morning. But I can maybe help decipher some of the Eddieisms,” Chrissy answered. 

“Perfect. Okay so here’s what I know. Steve and Eddie were hanging out last night. Steve’s been working on these sketches of Eddie’s flowers because he’s terrible at expressing his feelings like a normal person. I guess he showed them to Eddie and Eddie gave him shit about it when Steve said he’d like to tattoo Eddie.”

“All I got out of Eddie was that he thought Steve was a pretentious shit about tattoos. He was grumbling all morning about rich kids and not understanding growing up without access to everything.”

Robin was starting to put the pieces together. Steve had grown up in a pretty wealthy suburb of Chicago and his parents had supported him for most of his life. It was only when he’d decided to become a tattoo artist that he lost that support and he was still a little bit of an idiot about money. 

“Chrissy, I’m going to share something pretty personal about Steve and I’m only doing this because I think this was all a giant misunderstanding and if you or Eddie use this information to hurt Steve they will never find your bodies.”

“Understood.” Chrissy answered. 

“So, Steve doesn’t ever tattoo friends or family. It’s something he has held absolutely firm on since he apprenticed. He tells people it’s because he doesn’t want to have to look at his work all the time or jokes that he’d just find flaws in it and want to fix it. Knowing Steve, I think that’s just part of the issue. I think he’s scared to give something so permanent to someone. He’s had a lot of people just leave him and I don’t think he could stand it if he tattooed a friend and they left. He takes his work super seriously. I know he can come off as an asshole but he’s had to build up a pretty thick skin doing the type of tattoos he does. He’s gotten a lot of shit for being too feminine. It sounds like he took whatever reaction Eddie had to their talk yesterday as a rejection of him. Steve’s worked so hard to be comfortable with himself and he definitely already thought Eddie was way too cool for him so I think his ego is probably a little bit bruised.” Robin knew she had been monologuing so she took a breath she hadn’t noticed she’d been holding and drank some of her coffee. 

“Robin, I can’t promise anything, but I will talk to Eddie.”

“That’s all I want. I’m sorry I know this is a super weird place for us to be but I think maybe the guys just need a little help getting over themselves.” Robin said. 

Chrissy was glad Robin had told her about what Steve said. Eddie was kind of closed book but before he’d gotten to know Steve, Eddie would be a little judgy about the fancy studio and the cost. Eddie had tattoos but they were mostly things friends gave him in exchange for his help moving or to commemorate a big show or something. He’d never really had money to invest in any bigger tattoos. Chrissy knew Eddie hadn’t grown up rich but other than that her knowledge of his childhood was pretty limited. Even over the years Chrissy had known Eddie she’d only picked up small pieces of Eddie’s upbringing. He didn’t share a lot but he grew up with pretty shitty parents. His mom had died when Eddie was pretty young so when his dad went to prison at some point Eddie went to live with his uncle in a trailer park in the Chicago suburbs. His uncle didn’t have much but he made a home for Eddie. Chrissy thought something Steve had said to Eddie hit a little too close to his past and Eddie’s defenses had shot back up. She didn’t know if she could get him to come back around but Eddie had been noticeably happier with Steve and she figured it was at least worth a try.

“Eddie! I need to talk to you!” Chrissy yelled as she walked back into the flower shop. 

“No time. Heading back out on delivery.” Eddie grumbled as he walked past her out to the van

“Then I’m going with you.” Chrissy jumped into the passenger seat before Eddie could peel out into the street. 

“Fine.”

Chrissy let Eddie stew in silence as the van started up. She was surprised not to hear Eddie’s usual metal soundtrack. Eddie quickly went to pull the cassette out of the tape player but Chrissy had caught enough of the opening to recognize it. 

“Jesus, Eddie. I didn’t know it was You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling, bad.” Chrissy had discovered the Hall & Oates tape shortly after it had been added to the van’s usual rotation of cassettes. When she asked about it, Eddie had blamed Steve with a goofy smile on his face. 

“Chris, not today.” 

“Can I say one thing and then we can go back to not talking about it?” Chrissy asked. 

“Fine.”

“Okay great. Robin told me about something that happened between you and Steve last night. I know it’s your business and I promised to leave it alone but I am just here to give information. It’s up to you if you do anything with it. First, I know we made fun of all the pretentious hipster vibes of Steve’s shop when he first moved in but I really thought you of all people would know not to judge a book by its cover. Second, you have to know Steve is super into you by now. I mean y’all are basically always together if you’re not working.”

“That’s not true. I do other stuff.” Eddie interrupted. 

“Sure, whatever you say. Stop interrupting me. I know you’re sensitive about your past and I also know you haven’t said anything to Steve about your parents so do you think you might have been a little harsh last night?”

Eddie has pulled into their first stop and jumped out of the van to make the drop off. Chrissy waited for him to get back. 

“One more thing, and then I promise you can blare whatever shitty break up song you need to for the rest of the day. I think maybe you’re pushing Steve away because he scares you. It’s been forever since you’ve been with anyone seriously. Steve seems so good for you. I don’t know what he said that made your walls slam back up but maybe he didn’t mean it the way you thought he did? You’re kind of an intimidating person to be vulnerable with.”

Chrissy let Eddie process what she said for the rest of the delivery route. They got back to the shop late and started closing up. When Chrissy had packed up for the day she went to give Eddie a hug and held him close for a little longer than usual. 

“I’m here if you need me but please just sleep on it before you make any rash decisions?” Chrissy said as she let go of Eddie.

Eddie nodded and went back to cleaning up his work bench to get ready for another day of Valentine’s induced hell. It was absolutely the worst time for Eddie to have any sort of relationship drama because he’d be surrounded by love hearts for a least two more days. Eddie laughed at himself for that. He’d have to actually have been in a relationship to have relationship drama. He was an idiot. Steve reminded Eddie of his worst high school bullies. The guys who called him trailer trash and pushed him into lockers after Eddie had been caught kissing a guy under the bleachers. Logically, Eddie knew Steve wasn’t that way. He had obviously had to deal with his own shit coming up in the tattoo industry. Eddie still hadn’t been able to shake his old feelings of inadequacy when Steve asked if he wanted an “actual” tattoo. He’d felt people’s gaze lingering on his shitty stick and pokes he’d done with friends or let people use him for practice. He’d overheard the comments people made when he went to deliver flowers at fancy office buildings. Eddie hadn’t felt that same level of judgment from Steve but he figured it was just a matter of time. Steve obviously put a lot of time and effort into his tattoos and he must think badly about Eddie’s more cavalier attitude to the markings. 

As Eddie cleaned, he kept working through last night at Steve’s. Chrissy was probably right and that Steve hadn’t meant anything negative and just used the exact wrong phrasing. In fact, looking back, Steve seemed super nervous and worried about Eddie’s reaction. Why Steve was anxious Eddie had no idea. Steve’s sketch was probably the most beautiful tattoo idea he’d ever seen. He’d be honored to get something like from Steve. But of course Eddie hadn’t actually said any of that to Steve after he started freaking out. Stupid.

As Eddie made his way upstairs to get to bed, he was truly exhausted but he couldn’t stop thinking about what Chrissy had said on their afternoon delivery route. Fuck. He owed Steve a pretty big apology. That had to be tomorrow Eddie’s problem; he was too tired to handle it now. Eddie drifted off to sleep thinking about Steve’s feet in his lap and maybe future nerdy movie nights while crossing his fingers he hadn’t fucked up too badly yesterday. 

***

Part Eight! 

I am at such a loss for word that y’all are still hanging with me! I think there’s going to be three more parts of the main story and then maybe some side plots in the same universe. After I wrap up on tumblr I’ll post it to AO3 so it’s all in one place for future reading! c:

I am also obsessed with the big green couch and I am very happy to you all appreciate it to. 

My taglist got super messed up last update so please let me know if I’ve missed anyone or added anyone by accident! Y’all are the best!!

Taglist: @a-little-unsteddie @maya-custodios-dionach @eboyawstenn @swimmingbirdrunningrock @sadcanadianwinter @thehumblefigtree @throwbackthrowaway @micheledawn1975 @blisschaoss @vecnuthy @grimmfitzz @spectrum-spectre @croatoan-like-its-hot @momotonescreaming @beckkthewreck @korixae @citrus-owl @baron-zemo-trash @sleepdeprivedflower @nuagedemots @lololol-1234 @books-and-current-obsessions @acrolius @mightbeasleep @vi-an-te @gregre369 @i-must-potato @vampireinthesun  @steveisabicon @child-of-cthulhu @whimsicalwitchm @aceflavouredyougurt @that-bi-gremlin99 @oxidantdreamboat @goodolefashionedloverboi @notaqueenakhaleesi @briceslayed @raisedbylibrarians @bejeweledbaby @avacrebs @magpiemuseum @majesticenbypancake 

[macawritesupdates]

Update 8/6/2024

Been super tired of late which makes it harder to get the writing done and get updates out, but I'm working HARD to get some things out sooner rather than later around all my yawns! LONG JUJUTSU KAISEN FIC UPDATES Can't Help a Cuddle: Is in the works! Next chapter is the priority to get done and then open it up for readers to put in their input!

Seven Days to Fall in Love: Working on the next chapters. Going to bulk write them and rapid post to finish up this story! I fell behind because of sleepy bish syndrome ; w ; Lessons in Accidental Seduction: I'm just really enjoying writing this one of late so updates have been coming out faster! Probably because it is less angst and more fluff, feels, and spice XD

Broken in Ways No One Sees: Next chapter is slowly in the works and is the last angst chapter for this fic. After this, it is fluff until the end!

The Yuuji Files: Next chapter is making good progress and is a Gojo-centered chapter! Hopefully worth the wait!

Malevolence of Love: Cleaning up the outline for this chapter to be more coherent. The entire fic is outlined until the end, but I often clean up the outlines as I come to each chapter

Historically Inaccurate: FINAL CHAPTER is now in the works! Hard to believe this story is soon to come to an end...

Careful What You Joke About: Next chapter is in the works but has had the structure of it reworked a few times so it is still being slow to come to fruition

Mirrored Lives: Still waiting for it to get in the mood to write >8I This fic has been a struggle ONE-SHOTS IN PROGRESS My Roommate Made Me Do It: One-shot (?) of alpha Sukuna getting a kink and it is all Alpha!Yuuji's fault! Unnamed Spicy One -Shot because it is a mood....

Pull Me Along if I Can’t Move Forward: One-shot Bakugo/Madoriya fic that won the poll! It should be done soon c: ALL REQUESTS ARE STILL BEING SLOWLY WORKED ON AHHHH! I'm SO behind on those but trying to get the bigger fics done and artfight on top of that, I haven't had the time to get it all done...

MHA FICS Jealousy is Not a Good Friend: Working on the next chapter slowly but surely! Unsung Heroes: I am just screaming as I want to write this one so bad but so many fics and not enough time to sit down ad devote to it ; w ; SOON THOUGH!

UPCOMING FICS

Who's A Good Boy: Will be posting after Historically Accurate finishes. A surprisingly angsty fic where Sukuna is trapped in the body of a dog :B

Law Meets Disorder: Also is being worked on and getting ready to be posted when Broken in the Ways No One Sees finishes up!

[dragonanon]

I’ve got Beehive Gear station brain worms again, and Bee Elesa brings in SO much angst potential for this au and I am here for it. So here’s a mildly angsty blurb.

It was honestly just poor timing that Elesa “returned” to the hive while you had a belly full of eggs. You weren’t feeling that great about being so big and heavy to begin with, and having your Kings and Drones fawn over someone who would’ve been the Queen now were it not for the fact that the previous Queen was a complete sociopath, was NOT helping in the slightest. The hormones from the strange pseudo pregnancy were not helping either, and in fact only exacerbated your jealousy and feelings of low self esteem.

At the end of the day however, you were honestly more upset about the fact that you were even getting upset about this in the first place. It’s completely petty and unjustified, and you know it. Your Kings and Drones have never once given you any reason whatsoever to doubt their love and loyalty to you, and even now as you lay sulking in a blanket burrito and watching “The Real Housewives of Nimbasa City” in the dark, you don’t doubt any of them. So why on Earth were you getting so bent out of shape about this then??? No one has done anything wrong, yet here you are feeling like a bitter jealous cow. And you hate it. You hate it SO fucking much, and you don’t want to burden your poor hive OR Elesa with your petty sour grapes because they don’t deserve to subjected to that nonsense.

So instead, you stay curled around your belly and join the, admittedly bitchy, group of women on screen in reveling in the fact that the bitchiest woman in the group is currently making a complete fool of herself at a bachelorette party. No joke she’s about to get herself kicked off the yacht for her drunken bs, and at this point you’re just rooting for her to fall overboard before she can get kicked off because tbh, fuck her.

The Hive has obviously noticed your shift in mood though, and how you’ve taken to holing yourself up in your chambers and binging reality TV shows. However no one really knows what to do about it because you insist that you’re fine, and while you aren’t necessarily doing anything harmful or bad, something is very clearly bothering you but you’re refusing to talk to anyone about it. It’s making the Hive uneasy knowing that their Queen is upset about something, but they can’t figure out what it is and you won’t tell them either.

The Kings are especially distressed, they’re your Kings, your confidants! You’re supposed to be able to turn to them when something’s bothering you, yet you’re pushing even them away! This is completely abnormal behavior for you, and it has them worried about you and the eggs you carry.

Seeing her close friends and former Hive in distress, Elesa takes it upon herself to talk to you and try to find out what’s going on. You resist at first, insisting that you’re fine and just want to continue watching your shows. Until Elesa takes you by the hands and says “You don’t have to put on an act for me. I might only be a Princess, but I still know when a Queen is putting on a brave face to mask the hurt they feel deep down. I’m not going to make you talk about what’s bothering you, but if you need or want some support, I’m right here.”

Well that broke the dam, and now you’re openly bawling. Elesa doesn’t say anything, but holds you close and rubs your back in a soothing manner while you sob into her coat. After your initial sobbing dies down, you tearfully explain how insecure in your body and position you’ve been feeling lately. And how you feel so guilty for being Queen when it should’ve been Elesa in your place. You feel awful for even HAVING these feelings because by all accounts, your life is so perfect that you should have nothing to be upset about and you should be grateful for your current life.

Elesa comforts you through all of this, reassuring you that you’re a wonderful Queen who deserves to be where you are now and having these thoughts and feelings don’t make you a bad Queen. She does ask though why you kept this in for so long. You explain that you didn’t mean to but seeing how happy your Kings and Hive have been since she came back, you felt like it would be selfish of you to ruin that happiness with your negative thoughts and feelings by making everything about you. So it was easier to just withdraw and not voice how lonely and neglected you felt.

Elesa is still calm and reassuring to you, offering much needed comfort to you as she helps you get settled in for a nap. After that however, the shitstorm begins! Elesa storms out of your chambers and straight to the Kings (Insert the “menacing” Jojo meme), where after knocking them both upside the head, proceeds to give them the verbal buttchewing of a lifetime and she lays it on THICK; scolding them both for being so neglectful to their Queen, that she had to turn to a near stranger for emotional support!

“We didn’t know she was feeling so terrible, she never told us-“

“SHE IS YOUR QUEEN, YOU DONKEYS! SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SPELL OUT EXACTLY WHAT SHE’S FEELING TO GET YOU TWO TO PAY ATTENTION TO HER! HELL, HAVE EITHER OF YOU EVEN BOTHERED TO VISIT HER TODAY??”

The Kings are mortified by the realization that they’ve been severely neglecting their poor Queen, and during a time when you’re at your most vulnerable no less! Their first instinct is to rush to you, to comfort you and beg for your forgiveness. But Elesa physically stops them, saying that you’re currently taking a much needed nap and that if they DARE wake you up, she will personally castrate them both. The Kings know well enough that Elesa isn’t one to make empty threats, so they back down and instead start working on putting together lavish little spa day of sorts for when you eventually wake up.

[itaehynz]

𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒.

our fairies are different in many ways . . . 𝜗𝜚 𓂃 a fawn, around 1k—9k words. ❀ 𓂃 a vidia, around 10k—20k words. ♥︎ 𓂃 an iridessa, a series of fairytales in one.

the fairies hold different beauties, mature beauty, fluffy beauty, angsty beauty and suggestive beauty.

OTHER MASTERLISTS

(specials/events i’ve held!)

♡ 800 FOLLOWERS! + SPECIAL MASTERLIST!

CHOI YEONJUN.

❀ I CAN’T REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU.

↳ it’s funny how your first love can also be your first heartbreak. choi yeonjun, the cute boy you met in high school, the boy you had a crush on. once your feelings began to develop, he was gone. well, that’s atleast what you think… not like it matters anyway, you hate him now. but, what if he decided to come back? ꒰ a vidia, fluff, angst & 18+ ꒱

☆ nia’s fav!

♥︎ INFRUNAMI.

↳ you & yeonjun have been bestfriends since middle school, inseparable since then. guess you can assume you know everything about one another . . . well that is what’s expected when it comes down to bestfriends right? right. yet, what you didn’t know was that you were both utterly in love with each other. ꒰ an iridessa, fluff & angst ꒱

𝜗𝜚 SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.

↳ “yeonjun is sooo seven coded — based off the song ‘seven’ by jungkook, i can no longer contain these thoughts about yeonjun 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i just know he’d be so consistent when it comes to him being in love with someone, like a lovesick puppy!” ꒰ a fawn, 16+, fluff & angst ꒱

𝜗𝜚 ANY GIVEN SUNDAY.

↳ with yeonjun’s birthday right around the corner, you gift him with something he’ll never forget. ꒰ a fawn & fluff ꒱

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 0913fairy.

CHOI SOOBIN.

𝜗𝜚 IT’S ALWAYS BEEN TRUE.

↳ ꒰ a fawn, fluff & angst ꒱

𝜗𝜚 A NIGHT TO REMEMBER.

↳ soobin hasn’t seen you in months. but after tiring days of work, late night practices and tons of all nighters, another successful tour finished. what better way to gift him than showing up at his afterparty & leaving him with a night to remember? ꒰ a fawn, 18+ ꒱

 ☆ nia’s fav!

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 1205fairy.

CHOI BEOMGYU.

𝜗𝜚 IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE. (requested)

↳ “txt member of your choice + picnic date <3 hehe im really excited that you’re back to writing !!” ꒰ a fawn, fluff ꒱

𝜗𝜚 COFFEE.

↳ based off of beabadoobee’s song “coffee”, you and beomgyu working on your group’s tracks at 3am in the morning :( ꒰ a fawn, fluff & angst kinda ꒱

𝜗𝜚 LOVE YOURSELF OR NO ONE ELSE WILL.

↳ the night of your anniversary, the night you wished the best for. you and beomgyu had your ups and downs but you never would have thought it would’ve escalate this far. ꒰ a fawn, angst ꒱

𝜗𝜚 THE WAY THINGS GO. — a sequel to the work above!

↳ it’s been two years since your heartbreak. he comes back to apologize but it’s too late. ꒰ a fawn, fluff & angst ꒱

☆ nia’s fav!

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 0313fairy.

KANG TAEHYUN.

𝜗𝜚 SMOKING OUT THE WINDOW. (requested)

↳ “Since ur taking requests, I was thinking of an angsty story where reader confesses to best friend/fwb Taehyun, but gets rejected, then spend some years away from eachother but when Taehyun comes crawling back, reader gives him a taste of his own medicine. Sorry if this makes no sense lol” ꒰ a fawn, 18+, angst ꒱

☆ nia’s fav!

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 0205fairy.

HUENING KAI.

𝜗𝜚 LAST DAY ON EARTH. (requested)

↳ “HEY BAEEEEEE so i was thinking… a cute arcade date with huening kai. i’ll literally love you forever if you write abt that <3” ꒰ a fawn, fluff ꒱

𝜗𝜚 TWO SLOW DANCERS. ☆ nia’s fav!

↳ inspired by the movie, “20th Century Girl”: while trying to help your friend get a boy she likes, you meet your own love… a love you thought would last forever. ꒰ a fawn, angst, fluff ꒱

☆ nia’s fav!

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 0814fairy.

MULTIPLE MEMBERS.

♥︎ THREE’S A (CHOI) CHARM!

↳ school’s out and it’s time for summer! also known as the ‘hottest season of the year’ so in hopes of finding a hot, potential soulmate, you go on tinder and match with three people! who shall you end up with in the end? (ongoing!) ꒰ an iridessa, angst, fluff ꒱

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♡ . . 0304fairies.

© iTAEHYNZ.

[guggi04]

Tell me about your Baz fic please!!!! 👀🖤

Ah! Fellow Baz fan!😉 Certainly. 💕 Can’t have too much of dear ol’ Bazzy.

It’s gonna start out a lil angsty like my other Baz fics.. They’re on an outing and his plush Bunny gets injured (an ear gets ripped off😧). So Baz is sad about his broken bunny and scared that the crew will now think of him as careless with his possessions.

Of course it all ends happily. Haven’t decided if Bunny stays ripped like that (because you can also love ‘broken’ things🥰) or they mend it somehow. Leaning more toward the first option tbh..

Anyway! You get a looooong snippet 😉

Baz is tired. Tired, sleepy, weary, fatigued. Exhausted too! At the brink of unconsciousness even. He stretches in front of the beautifully carved mirror, swaying his hips from side to side. Almost like a dance. Sometimes he dances to Frenchie’s music, he thinks and smiles alongside the melodious memories.

There’s a knock on the door before Stede enters with a beige shirt thrown over one arm and a bright smile to rival Baz’s own. “Ready for our big day on land?”

Baz nods and yawns. He tries hard to stifle it, but finds himself unable to. Stede knows perfectly well what has made him so sapped of energy. He chooses to focus on the task of getting Baz set for the on-shore outing.

“Where did I put that hairbrush?” Stede asks aloud, even if he already knows the answer. On top of the dresser. Always on top of the dresser, he mouths silently.

“I’m afraid most of the crew is busy helping Roach take stock of our remaining edible provisions in the galley, so your hair will have to suffer under my administration. Not to worry, though! This isn’t my first time doing braids.” He opens a drawer and finds two scrunchies.

Another poorly concealed yawn.

Stede tuts as he carefully brushes through Baz’s long hair. Izzy had already admonished Ed for staying up too late and telling Baz and his eager ears tall tales all night, but it certainly cannot hurt to warn Ed once more. Perhaps twice. Dear Baz lacking sleep and being unprepared for their shopping trip on land simply will not do anyone any good.

It’s important not to make Baz feel guilty about it however. None of this is his fault. Who wouldn’t get caught up in stories about Ed’s exciting seafaring adventures? And it doesn’t matter if Izzy disclaims half of them as fabrications of Ed’s vivid imagination, he is a gifted narrator nonetheless! Stede himself had often been enraptured for hours on end, doing little else except lovingly observing the dramatic theatrics when Ed was in the right mood for storytelling.

There is, quite clearly, a time and a place for everything and yesterday just wasn’t it.

Of course Stede feels the need to allow Baz and a member of the crew to stay behind on the ship so Baz can catch up on some much needed sleep, but everyone is needed on land today and Baz has been looking forward to going to the homemade crafts market for weeks on end now. Only his sixth outing overall and Stede will hate for him to miss it because of poor planning on Ed’s part.

No, he shakes his head at himself. I can’t blame Ed for wanting to have a little fun with Baz, even if the timing was rather inconvenient.

“There we are.” He finishes the second braid and displays it over Baz’s shoulder, just the way he prefers it. Baz holds up Bunny in front of the mirror so he can help approve of Stede’s skills with a hairbrush.

“Bunny likes it too? Lucky me! Too bad he only has two ears, if he had three we could also braid them. You’d match each other perfectly.”

Baz jumps on the spot and hides his face in Stede’s shoulder like he always does when he thinks it’s all getting a bit silly. Stede has learned it’s Baz’s way of showing he’s giggling.

“No?” Stede laughs heartedly. “We’ll leave his bunny ears as they are then. Much better like that, I agree.”