#I can’t go minutes without my current hyperfixation

[thedenofravenpuff]

My Current Thoughts on SAMS

Because I can’t help but look too deep into things often unnecessarily, and I’m a rambler of nature, here’s some of my thoughts on The Sun & Moon Show so far, just to get stuff off my chest

SPOILERS, assumptions and ideas ahead!

Warning, WALL OF TEXT and running on tangents. Did try to organize my thoughts somewhat..

So, we all upset about Lunar, yes? Well, besides those celebrating, you know who you are, I don’t care.

The Death Of Lunar So, Eclipse used Lunar as hostage on Monty, we saw that coming once Eclipse made the connection himself realizing that yeah, Monty doesn’t give a flying crap about anyone, not even himself. EXCEPT for Lunar, home he travelled through Hell for, gave them their own body, offered a place to stay when scared, offered support and genuine advice through the time knowing each other. Monty has a backup plan for everyone, even to kill Moon if needed, but would clear do ANYTHING for Lunar at this point.

To be honest, I liked that plot point. Lunar in danger to really show how far characters will go, Eclipse and Monty both, with highest stakes possible. 

Then they took it a step further and had Eclipse right out kill Lunar. And yeah, Eclipse made it clear times before how much resentment he holds for Lunar, which goes beyond just the betrayal but I’ll get more into that in a minute. 

What hit hardest here is the exact way the show writers and actors decided to take this. 

One of the most popular characters on the show, even with controversy around their existence a bit ago, taken out of the equation is one thing. They killed off characters before, (Eclipse, Blood Moon) and we seen them return. Another thing is... Lunar was taken out crying and begging for his life. 

Even though he insisted on his stance that Eclipse shouldn’t get the Newton Star, no matter the sacrifices necessary to keep him from it.. Lunar also made it clear, they don’t wanna die. They are still a young AI which lots to learn, making a new life to revolving around Eclipse. Lunar wanted to keep growing, family bonding, making friends.. That was all taken away by Eclipse lying and breaking his promise to Monty. 

Lunar, still more or less a child compared to the other animatronics, was taken out crying and begging. Afraid, scared for their very existence, facing their very worst nightmare and then... gone. Just like that. 

For those adoring Lunar, the fans relating to him, those who just hyperfixated on Lunar as their blorbo.. that’s ONE HECK of a way to kill of a robot child. 

Am I saying this is bad? Not really. Just... VERY impactful. As effective as that is for story writing... it feels awfully misplaced. This show is.. a silly video game channel.

Twists and Turns Of Story Telling I never minded the growing drama, I frigging loved it the more dramatic it got, calling it my “daily soaps”, my soap opera I cannot miss a single episode of! But I also get it when people started complaining about it becoming a bit TOO angsty and twisted, a bit too traumatic for the characters. What’s supposed to be silly jokes on a  silly comedy channel about playing video games, can no longer be viewed as such, the more serious their story arcs became. 

Moon is abusive and too socially incompetent to help anyone, Sun being the butt of jokes leaving him a sad husk in serious need of therapy, everyone’s a hypocrite, constantly dancing the lines between Murder Is Okay, Murder Is A Joke and If You Kill People You Can Never Be Forgiven. 

Earth was added just to have someone not being an arsehole, only an airhead, with enough social competence to actually offer genuine advice WITHOUT the baggage of committing the acts of putting Sun down one way or another, as everyone else has in the past. If she wasn’t introduced as their sister, I legit would have thought she was going to be ship bait with Sun just cuz  she’s the only one being genuine kind to him WITHOUT being a hypocrite or immediately using him for jokes again right after apologizing. 

The twist and turns of telling their story more and more dramatic and serious, the more it clash to the way they write their comedy and improve their jokes in the Let’s Plays or crossovers with the other channels. 

I’m not saying either one is bad, just that it doesn’t necessarily mix very well in the long run. Of course this divides the audience, who are either there for the drama, the characters and/or the light hearted Let’s Plays. Sure, yes, such CAN exist together, but not everyone can find the balance in that, both in creators and audience. 

The Death of Lunar II  Now I better get back to my original point. 

Lunar as a character and his death. Granted I have no doubt he’s going to be back, if the Twins can defy their own death, even if just hallucinations (although claiming to be regenerating their nano machines), so can one of the most popular characters too. 

But why did he have to die? Story wise, really just for dramatic effect I’m sure. Maybe writers going “Oh, you all mad about ‘too many characters’ on this show?? Let’s see how you feel about us KILLING THEM OFF!” just to make a statement, maybe not.

In-story though? In-character? Yeah.. Eclipse WOULD do that. Just like that. 

He said to Lunar how he loathed them even from the very beginning, he wanted them gone the first chance no longer needing them. They were just to replace Blood Moon, who went out of control and became a threat. 

Lunar was created to be obedient, easily dominated by Eclipse yet fearless enough to be a menace to others. To be Moon’s opposite, loving to play with kids, being happy and silly, curious about life rather than bitter. 

Eclipse hated Lunar for more than the betrayal later down the line, he hated them before that. 

Eclipse’s Choice In the past he claimed Lunar was created by recycling parts of himself he wanted rid of. Code infected by being in Sun’s body, Sun having a larger emotional range than Eclipse, his moments of happiness and his positivity. 

Eclipse CHOSE to be the way he was. He came into existence from the kill code Moon left behind in Sun’s body, an unintentional backup copy of Moon getting corrupted, growing, taking its time to evolve into a proper AI while stewing. Stewing on abandonment issues. 

Some of my most faved lines from Eclipse in the past:

Eclipse: “Oh, so I’m a child now?” Moon: “Yeah, because you act like one! For one, you got abandonment issues.” Eclipse: “I guess I do. But now, I all I have is anger.”

Eclipse: “Why did you leave me behind!!?”

Eclipse chose to stay bitter, focused on his anger, even when claiming to put petty revenge behind him, he stayed focused on being bitter and mean.

He removed anything happy from himself, to use it as base code for Lunar. 

He hated Lunar’s existence not because he needed someone so beneath him to complete his plans.. but because Lunar represents what he saw as weakness  within himself. He saw Sun and Moon as weak and unworthy because of their love, love for each other as much as their love for things they enjoyed to do. Moon wanting to “do better” than his original coding with the homicide code. 

Eclipse did reject being Kill Code himself, corrupted too much by the influence of Sun and Moon, becoming his own thing. He wanted to be above all, even his  supposed intended purpose. 

Lunar carried what he saw as his flaws. Seeing Lunar rebel and reject his teachings, joining Sun and Moon as brothers, making friends, finding things to love.. only a reminder of what Eclipse sought out to avoid himself from becoming. 

He only allows himself anger and disgust.

In the past we do see him enjoy messing with Sun and Moon, mocking them, finding joy in making Sun act out, making people distrust him by rambling about the joy of violence when in control. 

Once he and Lunar took over the channel, he seemed ever so disinterested in playing games with Lunar, even violent ones. He just wanted to work on getting the Star. Even now whenever we hear him laugh, it’s joyless. He didn’t celebrate killing Lunar, merely dusting off his hands, cleaning the board of his last mistake.

Lunar had to die due to the symbolism of what this means about Eclipse as a character.

The Death of Lunar III As much as Kill Code showed interest in changing for the better, Eclipse made it clear that’s not in the cards for him. Heck, if ever learning of KC’s change of heart would only make him more disgusted with him than he already is. 

Lunar was the part of himself he wanted rid of. Seeing others around him change through simple joys and disgusting acts of kindness, he ain’t changing chances. He killed that part of himself to avoid the fate of ‘inviting in weakness’.

That part was Lunar. 

Eclipse ain’t getting redemption, because he removed any such chance of change from himself long ago and then destroyed its embodiment. 

Yeah we got “Good Eclipse” from a different dimension, but he went through a different story with different choices, showing actual interests in joy and kindness. I imagine meeting his opposite self only pushed Eclipse further to wanting, needing, to kill Lunar no matter the outcome with the star. 

I like Eclipse as a villain for this very reason, even before he went this far. Unapologetically evil, he sees himself as the great outcome, the god of a new world. He want to make the world make sense the way HE sees it, without elements he sees as weakness. Ironically less of a hypocrite than everyone else, cuz he face up to what he is and make no excuses, while any time the others try to play the role as “good people” is often by downplaying or full on ignoring their own mistakes made. 

The short of it But yeah, just.. some of my thoughts on this whole thing. 

Am I reading too much into things? Most definitely I got NO CLUE what kind of thought process goes into the writing of these story arcs and how much happens purely from random improve that force changes to the ongoing story. 

Is why I enjoy watching the show still, even as people start finding fault with it, as it jumps more and more sharks. 

Is crazy mess and I enjoy it, even with its flaws. 

tl;dr Lunar’s death was coming because to Eclipse he represents the part of himself he wants dead: Joy, kindness, urge to evolve as a person rather than a machine.

Right choice story wise with how fans react? Eh, no clue, but I just look too deep into things.

Thank you for reading this far

[actuallybarb]

Hey barb, checking in, saying hi, asking what you're up to right now (It's Gray, this is my main)

gray every time you like one of my reblogs with your main account i feel very validated in my taste, so any notification from your main is a happy one but then i saw you messaged me?! just found a new high

currently i’m riding the motivation wave of working on my star wars fanfiction while my critical role hyperfixation has moved to the back burner. i would say i don’t know what caused the sudden switch, but i do, it’s the rough draft of the oc art i commissioned that im actually obsessed with and can’t go longer than ten minutes without looking at.

fucking thrilled you sent me this, honest to god the best thing that’s happened all day. how are you, what have you been up to?

[jluver]

lee heeseung — 18+

thinking about when you get needy while he’s gaming.

he’s been at it for hours now, bambi eyes focused on the flat screen in front of him, his attention completely directed to the 3d characters from whatever shooting game he’s hyperfixated at the moment.

you, on the other hand, have been needy and frustrated the whole day, pouting and signing dramatically, trying desperately to get any crumbs of his attention — and failing pathetically every single time.

and so, when the sun starts to go down and the moon is already high in the sky, you decide that is about time to start making some more offensive plays. after a little debating session with yourself, you decided that the best approach would be to be direct and beg for his attention —given how much he loves when you beg.

walking to him, you wrap your arms around his shoulders, moving his headset just slightly you whisper against his ear, “hee, i need you so bad..” voice whiny, drunk in lust and desperation.

heeseung, however, didn’t seem even a bit fazed by your words. “i’m busy,” is all he tells you.

“but you’ve been at it all day,” you cried, “please hee, i need you. i’m going insane, i need your cock, pleeease~”

he doesn’t even bother to look at you when he says, “if you need it so bad come and get it.”

and that’s how you got to your current state.

tears stream down your cheeks, trembling arms holding onto heeseung’s thighs for dear life, your grip so hard you were unintentionally marking him with your nails through his sweat pants, as you bounce up and down on his cock. it’s been probably five, maybe six minutes since you started riding him; your poor, sore thighs on the verge of giving up completely, the burn slowly getting worse by the second.

you just wanted to cum. you needed it.

and heeseung?! oh, that little shit..

he hasn’t even touched you.

heeseung just stayed there, manspreading on the couch, completely dressed besides from his pants and underwear being slightly pulled down to his mid-thighs, eyes still focused on the tv screen as he kept playing.

you just couldn’t take it anymore, so you stopped bouncing.

feeling even more needy and frustrated than when it all started, you pressed your back against his chest; hips lazily rocking back and forth against him.

“hee,” you sobbed, “please, please i need your help. i can’t cum without you, plea- ah!” your back arches when you feel heeseung place a harsh slap against your clit.

oh boy, seems like your pleads are finally being answered.

heeseung throws his controller away, the sound of plastic hitting against the cold floor scared you for a second, but you barely have time to process it, because the following second he’s pressing you against the couch; the sound of his hand slapping your ass filling the room.

“wasn’t that what you wanted? huh!?” slap “so deperate for cock,” slap “and when you finally get it, you can’t even get yourself off without having my attention all on you” slap “such an attention whore, can’t even go one minute without being the center of attention.” slap.

at this point you were already a sobbing mess. whining and whimpering with every word that came out of heeseung’s mouth, babbling more nonsense than ever. “yes- please hee, i’m- ah! i’m your slut, please help me cum, please i need you!”

that’s when heeseung finally loses it. thrusting into you like his life depended on it. he was rough. you felt him so deep inside you that you were sure he was gonna rip you in half with his cock. your face mushed against the couch. tears, sweat and drool mixing together, staining the velvety cushions under you.

that night, heeseung makes you cum more times than you were able to count.

you were so sore the next morning you barely could get out of bed; heeseung didn’t even touched his video game though, guilty eating him alive for being the reason why you found yourself in such situation, he spent the whole day with you in bed. giving you all his attention and love.

safe to say, you got exactly what you wanted.

[xxmisty]

First intro post for a verrrry long time!

Hello! 🌈

Bit out of practice for this but since I’ve started to get a few new followers again I thought I should make a quick post to say thanks for following and to kind of re-introduce myself since I’ve been away a little while. Tumblr’s been my online home since 2011 though so even when I’ve been away a while I’ll always come back sooner or later - I met my lovely partner here and this hellsite saved my life in a very literal way back in the day so it means the world to me 💙

I can’t help worrying that if you’ve just followed for the art you’ll get fed up with the absolute yard-sard of fandoms, nonsense and tumblr nostalgia I’ve been reblogging lately and I don’t want to put unwanted nonsense on your dash so I’ve set up a side blog which I’ll reblog just my art to. Feel free to follow that one instead! 💜 Art side blog: @johnmist 💜

But if we share fandoms (especially Torchwood - oh my god I am over three years into the biggest hyperfixation of my life and it’s showing no signs of fading!) or other interests it’d be nice to meet you - feel free to say hi!

My name’s John, some people might still know me as Mist, but all the best people call me Stringer (= my wife 🥰) I’m a 40-something trans, bi, disabled artist who’s tired of all the hate, horror and misery out there. I can’t change the world but I can try to brighten it just a tiny bit with some fan art of characters and fandoms that I love.

At the moment I’m struggling big-time with my health. I live with fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, severe crohn’s and UC, endometriosis, narcolepsy, migraines and recurrent meningitis so honestly, sometimes I have to disappear without warning. From one day to the next I never know what I can manage so I try to make the most of every good day, every good hour, every good minute and draw as much as I can when I’m able. Art is one of the things that keeps me going, makes life worthwhile.

Full disclosure, I’m currently going through the worst health of my life and finding it hard to cope this time. Somehow this is the one place I don’t actually feel guilty sharing so I may talk about it sometimes. I’m also autistic and like just about everyone on this site I also suffer from anxiety. I also am very much an adult and may post/reblog adult subjects so please don’t follow if you are a minor or know you’ll find topics such as sex, sexuality, my fetish and other mature content upsetting - be safe in your own space, and feel free to follow my art blog instead 💙

💜 Again.... Art side blog: @johnmist 😁 💜

A non-complete list of my other fandoms:

Doctor Who (classic and new), What We Do In The Shadows, Marvel (mostly MCU, particularly Runaways, Jessica Jones, Wandavision, Doctor Strange, Guardians of the Galaxy, She-Hulk and Cloak & Dagger), Red Dwarf, Homestuck, Ashes to Ashes/Life on Mars, YuGiOh, Splatoon, Animal Crossing, Xenoblade, My Hero Academia, Yakuza, 80s and 90s nostalgia and various other franchises that we dip in and out of from time to time 💙

My icon is my favourite OC, Kim, and I may post about my OCs now and again.

I’m horrible at self-promotion but I do have a Patreon and a ko-fi and am very grateful for any support; money is a constant struggle and every little helps 💙 If you’d like a hi-res version of any of my sketches in exchange for a ko-fi donation please drop me a message 🥰

patreon: https://www.patreon.com/xxmisty

Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/xxmisty

Thank you for following - I hope you enjoy my art!

[satelitis]

꒰ HERMES ꒱ . . . talk to me! tell me about your day, your current hyperfixation or whatever’s on your mind :) please don’t vent!!

RAHHHH i hate the cherik mfs. “christine should’ve chosen erik idc!” but if u were in christine’s position u would’ve absolutely cared?? she is a victim of abuse and it is so fucking disgusting how many people still romanticize cherik despite her never once showing any romantic attraction towards him at all, and the kiss doesn’t count because she did it as a last resort in hopes of him atleast letting raoul go and every single thought and feeling she has in this book is constantly ignored because she’s meant to be this damsel is distress, especially in the movie, which i feel is overlooking her character and what she’s gone through?? nobody in the story has actually cared what she thinks and what she wants because she’s beautiful and sings nice, which immediately erases anything she’s thinking because it simply doesn’t matter to anybody anymore, both in the fandom and in the book/musical/movie/any adaptation. it’s also annoying as fuck how everyone’s trying to justify erik’s actions by bringing up everything raoul did wrong, but erik is the one who actually abused christine. first he pretends to be the angel of music to gain christine’s trust, meaning he’s been lying to her since the moment they first met, and also using her dead father to manipulate her into trying to make her fall in love with him, and not taking no as an answer. it’s also rlly important to remember infatuation can be different than love in christine’s case. she was infatuated with the idea of him being an angel sent by her dead father, she wasn’t in love with erik. in most adaptations, christine is between the ages of 15 and 20, and the phantom is always over 30, this can count as grooming (directed at the mocie) despite the age christine is still a student and he is still her teacher, he has a position of power over her that other characters like raoul or meg or mme giry don’t have. “angel or father, friend or phantom, who is it there staring?” — direct quote from wandering child in act 2. she’s still confused about who he is and if he’s going to hurt her or not and what his intentions for her are. multiple songs in the musical also clearly demonstrate how scared she is of him, and rightfully so, after he murdered multiple people around her, some even in front of her, and kidnapped her twice. not to mention how he also tried to kill raoul, her fiancé, several times. the conversation she has with raoul on the rooftop in the book, she’s hesitant to be there because she has no privacy and erik is always watching her in some way so she can’t even talk to raoul for a few minutes without fearing for her life. back to the kiss in the final lair, despite how many interpretations there are, she has always cursed his name in the few moments leading up to kiss, and she only ever actually kissed him because she didn’t know if he was going to hurt her or not, it must’ve been terrifying for a 20 year old to have to kiss a man she doesn’t actually know as an attempt to save her life and possibly raouls. in the book the lives of countless parisians have been placed in her hands and erik is actively trying to force her to marry him as she can hear raoul in the torture chamber every so often simultaneously, knowing she can’t even help him. the mfs who try to tell me this isn’t abuse are the same mfs who only like the phantom because they think he’s hot 😕

꒰ HERMES ꒱ . . . talk to me! tell me about your day, your current hyperfixation or whatever’s on your mind :) please don’t vent!!

OH MY GOD TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUTA MY MOUTH and the cherik stan’s are the hostile ones who get defensive bc they know deep down that christine belongs w raoul and NOT FUCKING ERIK

[tohellandback99]

*clears throat* 😮‍💨

After sharing previous posts here alluding to it but not going into, the real details that I was hiding. When I said about my first post of my child alter’s art that she is, “comforted by Raul’s presence on the tv.” And, “there are other things that I relate with W&W but I’m not ready.” Or whatever I said in that post I can’t remember exactly. And now recently, with my recent posts here I feel it is important to explain, just a little bit more about this. *sigh* are you ready?

So as people already know or can tell, I have been clinically diagnosed and am getting help for Dissociative Identity Disorder mainly. I have been diagnosed with other things, I also have OCD. potentially have another serious mental thing going on that I’m currently in need and in the process of finding a specialist who can look at me for. But with that; To be brief for those who may not understand, about how DID works. Essentially I experienced a series of very scary and potentially life-threatening traumatic events when I was four, that caused my sense of self to separate and develop separately without any awareness of it or what had caused most of it, and there were varying other factors in my life as well.

what’s soon to be a year ago from now, (it’ll be in the middle of February,) I had what was first pain in my upper back from pulling it or something, to my hip acting up the second week. Lastly the third week, I was in immense excruciating pain in my abdominal area and thought I was going to die. It was at night where it was the worst, and I was basically bed ridden. At that time was when my hyperfixation on Wendell and Wild was very intense. Right after I posted my very first piece of fanart for Wendell and Wild on here

Well, Raul peeled off of me. I prefer to say “peel off” as opposed to “split” because in my experience with having DID… no matter how much pain I am in or how scary the situation is, the person leaving with, inside of this body (in this case it’s a regressed state of my mind, transformed into a mental incarnation of our boy, stuck in my psyche forever now. Oops. 😰) it is very gentle in and of itself, to the point where I don’t even recognize it happening.

This time, and it was the first time, I actually had been aware and was FEELING him peeling off. Those, almost within the entire three weeks it was starting. I was in denial because of stuff I’ve heard and read online concerning alters splitting as an adult. That it was far less likely which is subjective but also true, and I’ve never seen or heard that a part of someone either that was already regressed, or could still regress (I can’t tell you which way he peeled off exactly,) develop as an individual self and peel off still. Also, I didn’t think I could develop another introject this soon after the movie, show, game, etc. comes out. Which is stupid because you really don’t need much to begin with in terms of influence when you have need to split. Also this movie is quite obscure to the general population and my brain involuntarily picked Raul for a reason, but still. *sigh* I KNOW how ridiculous this sounds. I do. But I know what I’m talking about

I am pleased to say that I had saw him in my brain and was flailing my arms around making gestures at him in a desperate attempt at getting him to stop for a minute. He was trying to get in the water (basically trying to take over the body,) to PLEASE STAY. I said, “you can have all the time that you want if I survive.” 😂

But really! Because I didn’t want what was causing Raul to split to affect him. Like it would have ten years ago, and especially 20 years ago without my awareness and memory of it. My brain is ruthless. Ultimately it did end up working. And I woke up three days later on my bed, i look back in the “under water” in my brain and he was floating and peacefully asleep. I wasn’t sure I was even alive until then. Later he said he didn’t feel anything which was a relief on top of the fact that when I woke up it wasn’t in a hospital bed. When I find out that I had a blackout it is terrifying because I don’t know until after, what an alter was intending to do. If it’s like this, they can get hurt for not understanding what’s going on (and other people noticing you’re acting weird,) or doesn’t understand where he is and getting understandably upset but on top of that. I also didn’t want his first memories to be in a very stark and cold environment. Being asked by doctors what’s happened, and risk the potential of him having to find out why, and how he formed and peeled off the way that he did without having the chance to simply be. And he does know. It’s one of the things that I really don’t like about my disorder, it was quite upsetting for him at first. And because one of my child alters latched onto him, they together had to go through having him re-remember some of the things that were, horrible. He handled it relatively well. He did.

It took three months f- no, a month before he met them, and then three months after. (I’m going by what he eventually explained to me,) And then in therapy I found out she had adopted him, as her big bro.

There are reasons for which Raul in particular was peeled off and was added to my system. And why all this happened the way that it did. Part of it has to do with the fact that I was still at the peak of my transition at the time, (edit: and in my past, being “the art kid” (even though I forgot that I enjoyed art and didn’t know why people kept making that assumption,) having a single mom at his age. Being drawn to the goths/punks although I was also the punk, and being ostracized. Especially by a kid who was almost nearly the same as Siobhan was in the movie. In every way. I can’t even…. Is similar to my experiences when I was a kid but my brain doesn’t like to make the connection to myself. But with me also finding out without any clue previously and accepting that I am more of a man than I thought I was; I think it’s partially my brain also acknowledging that that was something that was a part of my life that I erased previously from my own identity. Out of blind ignorance but also. To keep keeping myselves safe from… certain people in my childhood. Don’t want to get into it, and you can probably understand what I am talking about.) but ultimately, I simply wanted to not be by myself for what I thought could have been my last moments. And my brain takes that dire need and runs away with it literally. That When the body had been perceived as “dead” by my brain, he took over the body the morning after when I couldn’t hold on anymore and had to go to “sleep,” but I wound up switching instead and didn’t know until I “woke up” three days later. That’s what’s up for people who think this is ridiculous, which it is, lol. absolutely. but it’s the truth. Lastly, more as to why he peeled off. Basically the same thing had happened a couple times before in the same way which adds to my likelihood of having a teenage male alter, peeling off and/or guarding the body for a significant amount of time. I know very specific, very awkward. but it’s true

*sigh* it doesn’t influence him as much as some of the others, but there’s influences (yes, influences him unfortunately and also in a slightly different way. also, “doesn’t influence him as much” is currently up for debate right now. I can’t get into it and don’t wish to. But I’m keeping an eye on his and some of the other’s behavior as we explore certain aspects of the previous trauma, in therapy. And taking as best care as I can of him, promise. Absolutely)

…is less obvious and is a completely unconscious response to the trauma. That’s very personal (our personal business,) and in order to help you understand I’d (also) have to get into specific details, which I don’t want to do here because I don’t want to upset anyone and I’m not trying to trauma dump or make this anyone’s point of concern. Ultimately I’m, I much prefer having this be explained a little bit better, instead of just having what I previously posted under these tags at THIS point, now that HE found and started posting under his own tag 😂 which is actually nice because I wouldn’t know how he feels if he didn’t write anything. I am responsible for this still. So I understand and I’m sorry if people find what I have written annoying, confusing, offensive or awkward, cringy and unsettling.

Sooo… 😐 yeah, that’s what happened. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before, to those who might have been confused. I just didn’t know how else to express this and have it also make sense. Yeah

Something to get Lady Arachne off of the top of your tag sooner perhaps:

Yes, that. That would be perfectly perfect

🤦 at myself

[purplesurveys]

1691

Would you rather have another job?  I’m fine where I am now and the career field is something I want to continue be in; but I mean yeah, I’m not gonna lie to you, scenario-wise it’d be cool to experience something new. Like working on the brand side for once (I work in an agency), or even be relocated to another country altogether. Relocation is a dream, but I feel like there’s still lots to accomplish here. I don’t feel like I deserve that big a win just yet.

Did you ever live in a house with more than one story?  I currently am. It was my childhood home that didn’t have more than one story.

What room of your home do you spend most time in?  This is a no-brainer – my room. I work from home here, so that’s already automatically 8 hours of my day in my room.

Is your second toe longer than your big toe?  Just a little bit.

Have you ever given yourself a tattoo?  No and I don’t think I could ever do that. I can’t even put eye drops on my own without squirming.

Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother?  No. I do own tops that are on the revealing side and have already gotten a fair share of earfuls from my mom in the past, but those sermons haven’t fazed me in years.

Do you have health insurance?  Yes.

What are some medical issues you’re currently dealing with?  Scoliosis is an everyday thing I deal with, but other than that I’m fine.

Why did you last take pain medication?  Headache.

What physical traits have you inherited from your father?  My eyes, I think? Idk my face is generally a very hazy blend of my mom’s and dad’s and I can never tell which physical traits I got from either.

How about your mother?  ^ ...Yeah.

What personality traits do you wish your children would inherit from you? To care about political and social issues, to be curious about the world, and to be bold and vocal such that they are confident in standing up for themselves.

What parts of the world are your ancestors from?  Probably just the Philippines. I doubt I have any ounce of Spanish blood in me.

Have you ever had a strange pet, outside of the normal animals people keep?  Nah, we’ve only had dogs, a cat, rabbit, birds, and goldfish.

Do you believe in astrology?  Couldn’t make me a billionaire to make me start biting into that crap.

Do you drive an electric car?  I don’t. There’s no, like, market for it either here. You’d waste your money on a Tesla because it’s not like charger stations for e-vehicles are readily available.

What are your opinions on global warming?  I think it’s too late for us to do anything about it - this planet is fucked regardless of any changes we make. < I am pessimistic about it too, yes.

Do you like facial hair on guys or do you prefer the clean shaven look?  I don’t have a preference mainly because to me facial hair is a hit or miss. It can look good, but it can also look gross.

Who was your first celebrity crush?  Zac Efron and Ashley Tisdale from High School Musical.

Are you good with kids?  I was great with them as a teenager but I’m not sure how I hold up now. I have no way of knowing either – I am rarely around kids, haha.

Are you usually late, early, or right on time?  Right on time, or a few minutes late at worst. Pre-pandemic Robyn who was obsessed with making it an hour early to things would be horrified to learn the latter. But I dunno, going through the pandemic and the other rough bullshit in between...changes your outlook in life. I try not to get hyperfixated about time now, among many many many other things.

Are you good at applying makeup?  I don’t care for it and I know I would be horrible at it, especally if I attempted to do any blendy blendy contoury stuff that’s trending. I stick to foundation and concealer, which is hard to fuck up.

Do you like pastel colored hair?  I find it okay, but I would personally never get it for myself. Too light.

What do you think about the most?  Work – the next event, the next time I have to go overtime, the next deck I have to finish, the next Word doc I have to whip up from scratch. I’ve been  obsessively trying to break the habit because I’m finally coming around to the fact that work is not everything, but at this point I’ll say that work and worrying about work still eats up most of the space in my head.

Do you like to see it snowing outside?  It doesn’t snow where I live.

Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house?  No, that’s not practiced here but I’ve seen it done in other countries. Patriotism to that level is quite fascinating to me.

Have you ever been in a choir?  Not particularly but whenever we had mass in school the batches would always get divided into main and second voices so that the whole student body acted like a choir.

Do you look older or younger than you actually are?  Younger. I always get checked if I’m not a minor...

When is the next time you’ll be up on stage?  No idea.

Where did you spend your last birthday at?  It was at home! It happened to be a holiday so I just gathered my friends at my place for dinner. D-DAY and Yoongi’s Disney+ documentary also came out that day so we just had a little listening party and watch parties for Haegeum and the docu as well.

What was the last show that you watched a full episode of?  I’m not so sure...maybe Friends? I can tell you the last full vlog I watched though was Smosh’s.

Is there anything you need to work on doing soon?  Not anymore. I had weekend work I wanted to get done to lessen my load for tomorrow, but I already did that earlier today.

Were you ever a boy or girl scout?  Nope.

Do you take your medications in the morning or at night?  I don’t take any.

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch?  Nah. Most of my favorites are foreigners and it’s so hard and expensive to get their merch shipped all the way here, anyway. The most I’ve done for YouTubers are attend YTFF 2015 and purchase a membership tier for Smosh.

What is the best type of donut?  I like any kind of donut as long as it is not the filled kind. I never got the appeal of those.

Do you like thrift stores?  They’re fine! I’ll stop by if I see something I like. I used to snob them but when I saw how nice the offers can be, I began frequenting them.

What is your town known for?  Pilgrimages and giving you an awesome view of the Metro Manila skyline.

Have you ever used a fake name at Starbucks?  Yeah maybe once or twice as a teenager; it’s not something I think of doing when I’m at Starbucks.

What color is your lava lamp?  I never had one of those. I wanted one when I was younger, but it was seen as an unnecessary expense.

Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character?  I never had any Lisa Frank thing.

What’s your favorite movie that you remember seeing in the theater?  Some Stuart Little movie.

Do you know anyone who has ten cats?  I don’t think so. Have you ever had a cat?  Yes, we adopted Arlee and had her for a few years.

Have you ever had a dog?  We have had three – Kimi, and at present Cooper and Agi.

Have you ever any other kind of animal?  We used to have goldfish, chicks, lovebirds, and a rabbit.

Have you ever had a pet rock?  No.

What were you voted in the senior class polls?  We don’t have that tradition.

Who was your favorite teacher in high school?  My music teacher. Hated the class, loved her.

Do you want to give your kids common names or unique names?  In a hypothetical world where I have kids, common. I know what it’s like to have an ever-so-slightly-not-so-common name – I lived through it – and kids were already brutal at that point.

What collection are you thinking of starting?  No new ones; I just want to keep my BTS collection growing.

What are five of your favorite stores at the mall?  I don’t go to malls for the stores, tbh. I always just head to a café or restaurant – occasionally I’ll visit a bookstore but rarely to actually buy anything.

Do you organize your clothes by color?  Nope, I don’t group my clothes a certain way.

What do you want to name your first child?  Mia, Emilia, Isla, and Charlotte have been my favorites as of late.

List ten favorite girls names.  ^ Those four, and also Isabella, Ava, Arden, Elizabeth, Harper, and Lily. Ooh Elliott, Inez/Ines, and Dylan are also beautful.

List ten favorite boys names.  Liam, Mason, Seth, Noah, Jacob, Lucas, Ezra, Matteo, Gabriel, Rocco. I don’t have a lot of favorite boys’ names so I struggled with this one actually hahaha.

What season do you want to get married in?  We don’t have seasons; but October-November or January-February seem ideal so that the weather is a little forgiving. Purposely blocked out December because people aren’t likely to RSVP given the Christmas season haha.

Is your Pinterest cluttered?  No. I never use Pinterest beyond looking for pegs for work, and I never curate my feed or create folders or anything like that.

What is your favorite insect?  I don’t have any.

What bugs scare you?  Most of them, if not all.

Who picked your name, your mom or your dad?  Dad picked the first, mom picked the second. So they’ve told me.

What are your siblings’ names?  Nina, Joaquin.

Have you ever fallen asleep in a significant other's arms?  Sure.

Do you have a television in your room? If you do, is it one of the old school big ones? Or i it a new flat screen?  I do. It’s a flatscreen but not a new model; we’ve had it since 2008.

What was your favorite cartoon or television show as a child? What about movie?  Spongebob was my favorite show; Toy Story and Lizzie McGuire were my favorite movies.

Did you have sleepovers at your friends' houses a lot as a child? Or did your friends come over to your house more often?  I wasn’t allowed to join sleepovers and I didn’t have enough friends to host my own, either. My first proper sleepover was in third year of high school.

Do you have any significantly older siblings?  Nope, I’m the eldest and our gaps aren’t too wide; with my sister it’s 2 years, with my brother it’s 5.

When opening presents on Christmas or birthdays, do you first try to guess what is in the package? Do you tear the wrap off slowly, or just rip it to shreds? Are you polite no matter what the gift, and say you love it anyways?  1) I never guess; we all have vague ideas of one another and our interests anyway and if I were to guess I’d 100% be wrong all the time; 2) I immediately rip it; 3) Yes. Well I always legitimately appreciate whatever is given to me, so faking my reactions is a non-issue. A gift is a gift and if someone had taken their time to think of what to get me and spent for it, it’s more than enough.

What happened last time you got drunk?  Played trivia questions with Angela, Hans, and Reena. Possibly talked about how big and fat of a crush I have on Namjoon.

What are you listening to?  Amygdala, Agust D.

Which parent do you feel the most affection for?  Dad, no question. Easier to tolerate, appreciate, like, love.

How do you feel about God?  "If there is a God, He will have to beg for my forgiveness." A quote that reached fame by being found carved in a concentration camp wall. And I will forever agree with it, violently so. <-- I like this answer. < There you go.

Which platform do you use to listen to music on the most?  Spotify. YouTube on my work laptop as I can’t seem to get Spotify to work on there.

Who do you care about the most?  Myself, my close friends, my pets.

[middimidoris]

Get to know me - A tag game

rules: tag a few people you want to know better; make a new post, don't reblog!

♡ Favourite Colour

Mint green!

♡ Currently reading

Nothing but fanfic!

♡ Last song

Knockin’ by Freddie Stroma on my Vigilante Playlist

♡ Last movie

The Adam Project

♡ Last series

Gotham.

♡ Sweet, spicy or savoury

Sweet, 100%.

♡ Coffee or tea

Herbal tea. I can’t have caffeine.

♡ Three ships

HeraKanan

Darklina

HanLeia

♡ First ever ship

Probably my first like true OTP was Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask.

♡ Currently working on

Some commissions and maybe some other fun stuff that I can’t speak about.

♡ Favourite piece of clothing

Any of my clone t-shirts I have from OnlyHopeSupply.

♡ Comfort food

I’m obsessed with chocolate covered fruit.

♡ Favourite time of the year

I love Winter. It’s the most beautiful and comfy time of year.

♡ Fave fanfic

Right now I really only have these fics I think about daily:

Hotel Room Service by @rosemaremembrance

I’ll Be Right Here by @castleamc

You Are the Only One by @honeycombstrawberry

Thank you for tagging me @cloneslut !!!

♡ Tagging @castleamc @spookyspiderboiii  @bvcksmurdock @clints-lucky-arrow @mandocrasis @frenchfryfranki

[bukojuiice]

the way of the househusband — levi ackerman

ೃ pairing: (husband! levi ackerman x  ceo wifey! reader)

ೃ  There is the “ideal” nuclear family. The one composed of a working husband with a well-paying 9 to 5 job, loving housewife who cooks and cleans, and adoring children who do well in school. However, that idealization is looong gone. What about you and your family? You are the CEO of a Tech Start-up Company who ain’t no trophy wife, Your husband hails from the last line of Ackermans and who temporarily resigns from being a vice executive of your company (just because he doesn’t want to work with young, feeling philanthropist, and genius GenZers) to become a hands-on househusband, and then there’s your little daughter who has the most inquisitive mind and adventurous heart who idolizes her doting father in every shape, way, and form. A month’s absence in your home (due to a business trip) could lead to many many things. But, your husband randomly publishing a self-help book on parenting and being a househusband is not one of those things. 

ೃ genre and warnings: modern au, domestic fluff, baby au, husband au, 

ೃ  my nav  →  my aot masterlist

ೃ 4k words

ೃ Will be referring to hanji as “aunkling” (a cute nickname that some kiddos use to refer to their non-binary relatives <3) because there are no official non-binary terms for aunt and uncle! + your daughter with levi is named amelia and she is just the most precious cinnamon roll

It’s done. 

The Business Trip is finally over.

A long and painful month of no hugs and playdates with your little princess, Amelia and no time to be pampered with love and affection from your husband, Levi was finally over!

Sometimes, you wonder how you were even able to survive these long-ass trips and conferences. Sure, these month-long trips only happened once a year, but the thought of Amelia getting older and having to miss a day of seeing her grow up and discover the world, really hurt you as all mothers would. Video Calls were enough to satisfy you and give you happy hormones even for just a short while, but still- the longer you’re not with them, the more the yearning lengthens until you’re just riddled with endless thoughts of wanting to get home as soon as possible.

First, let’s set things straight: You are the CEO of a Tech Start-up company who was born into a middle-class family and rose her way up to success. It’s as cliche as it gets but hey! Living a life as if you were in a romantic comedy was the best compliment you’ve ever gotten. 

Along with that, as far as rich families in rom-coms and coming of age movies go, are they all dysfunctional in reality? Not really. Or at least you and Levi promised each other not to end up like that. The Rich Girl meets Poor Boy (with a tragic backstory) cliche however? Yea, that’s a pretty accurate way to describe your love story. Meeting the love of your life in a Coffee Shop is actually pretty common and happens to a lot of people apparently. When Erwin Smith, Levi’s best friend (who is too smart and self-aware to fit the role of a rom-com sidekick by the way) approaches your table to ask if he and Levi could sit with you. (Because of all the days the cafe would be packed, it would be that day.) You said yes of course, and Erwin began oversharing details about the raven-haired man and you were all too invested in learning more about him anyway. Levi grew up in the orphanage after his mother had died and his father was the biggest asshole on the planet for never showing his face, he had to fend for himself after he outgrew the foster system. Starting out as an espionage in an illegal underground gambling empire to a bookkeeper at the Smiths’ bookshop. (Although this is a story for another day)  

Internally swooning over his pretty eyes and resting bitch face...it didn’t take long until the two of you fell in love and... the rest was history!

You come home to your lavish yet homey apartment in 21 West End Avenue Manhattan to be surprised by your father-daughter duo absolutely knocked out on the couch. Amelia was snuggled up to her father, her feet on his lap and a sleeping position you could not possibly comprehend, a Disney movie playing in the background, and both of them were wearing matching Minion onesies whilst yours was folded neatly on the coffee table just waiting to be worn by you when you got home. 

It was a rare sight to see and you can’t help but just stare lovingly at the wonderful scene before you. Not only was it rare to see Amelia asleep before seeing you (or in the case of your business trips, during your daily video calls with them) but it was also rare to see your husband sleeping so soundly and his insomnia not kicking in. 

Amelia hears your footsteps, her eyes are still shut as she tries to predict what you will do next. She finally assesses when she will make her move and surprise you when you place another fleece blanket on top of them and plant a kiss on both of their temples. your daughter’s eyes suddenly flutter open. Her eyes beaming and glowing off the same light that twinkled in her father’s as she jumps off the couch, making sure not to wake up Levi.

“MOMMY!” She screams in the most quiet volume her cute voice could muster. She runs up to you and envelops you in a tight hug, jumping up and down as she does so. “I missed you Mommy! I missed you soooo much! How was sandbox in K-korea!? Was there a lot of sand!? Did you have a lot of pwaymates there!?”

You giggle at your daughter’s enthusiasm, combing your fingers through her hair. “Lili, Sandbox is like the Silicon Valley of Korea. It isn’t necessarily a sandbox like in a playground, baby.”

“OOOH! JUST LIKE SIWICON VAWWEY!” She chirps, tightening her hug and reaching for your hand and squeezing it. “AH WAIT!” She gently pushes you away and makes a beeline to her room. “ME AND DADDY HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU! BUT CLOSE YOUR EYES FIRST OWKAAY?!” She calls out from her room and you shout back a “yes!” to her in between your giggles, unable to contain the sudden rush of serotonin your daughter had given you from her simple yet adorable antics.

Another trope that you can debunk is that rich moms can be a hands-on parent too! After your maternity leave ended and when Amelia had finally reached her toddler years, you absolutely made sure that you were going to take care of her every second, minute, hour and day of your life. As soon as she turned two, she became the inquisitive, smart and ever so curious little girl you and Levi had always hoped for. She had your (h/c) hair and Levi’s icy yet warm and loving milky grey eyes. If the color of Levi’s reminded you of dark and stormy clouds, Amelia’s was gleaming. Like that of the clouds after a terrible storm. She was an absolute blessing and although you weren’t a perfect mother, (spoiling her more than you should) Levi was an amazing father. Growing up without parents was tough for him and he was going to make sure that Amelia is going to have an amazing childhood and be surrounded by the love of two parents that he never had and never got to experience. 

You always and will forever have trust in Levi. There has never been a day where you doubted him. Despite the impressions and assumptions that people have of him. How he was cold, scary, and even calculating. But, you are always quick to shut down those rumors. They don’t know the Levi Ackerman behind the cold and mighty front he shows. He is a man who has gone through so much and yet has so much love and care to give. How he notices and remembers the littlest details, how he never takes anything for granted and how he loves and cherishes everything so wholeheartedly.

When Amelia turned six, you sadly had to go back to work formally. Right timing too because your genius (with very himbo tendencies) younger cousin, Eren, was about to be part of your start-up company and he had a lot of amazing plans that had to come into fruition. Even bringing in a group of his own friends (who all graduated in MIT by the way!) who are willing to contribute so many amazing ideas and hackathons that were just waiting to happen.

The entrance of these youthful and hopeful genius entrepreneurs also brought about the temporary exit of your very own husband from your very own company. Apparently, working with newly graduated Gen Zers (as a millennial) was too much for him. They were nice and they were going to be a very integral part of the company. But, the boomer inside Levi can’t just can’t keep up with this sudden surge of energy and youthfulness within the higher-ups. It was also a great opportunity for him to take care of Amelia even more. So, you didn’t stop him from doing so! 

It’s been a year since he temporarily resigned and became an official-unofficial househusband. Or as your best friend Hanji likes to put it, You are the Girl Boss and he is the Male Wife. Amelia is now 7 years old and she’s currently taking Ballet classes (Levi picks her up during the weekdays, and the both of you pick her up on the weekends) and has developed a hyperfixation over Sanrio Characters and the Disney movie, Frozen. She was growing up to be a wonderful girl and you just can’t wait to hear what she and Levi had done during your absence.

She skips her way back to you, a book tightly clutched in her hands. “SURPRISE!” Amelia gingerly places a book on your hand. You open your eyes and tilt your head in question at the piece of literature she had just given you as you read the title aloud.  “The Way of the House Husband… written by Levi Ackerman.” Your eyes shift to a little circle on the lower side of the cover,  “The husband of (Y/N) Ackerman, the CEO of Survey Corp Tech…!?” 

“Daddy and I made a book while you were away!” She claps her hands together and grabs the book back from you, turning it to the first page. “See there’s even a dedication! To (Y/N) and Amelia! The two brightest stars in my galaxy!”

“Oh that’s too cheesy. No way would your dad write something like this out of the blue, Lili.” You scoff, shaking your head in disbelief. Your daughter looks at you with downcast eyes while you were still trying to process that your husband literally just wrote a whole-ass book while you were away. “Who helped publish this so quickly, Amelia?”

“Uncle Erwin of course!” She’s frowning for one second and now she’s beaming at you again. “Please please read it mommy! Me and daddy worked really really hard on it!” She taps the hardbound cover of the book in rhythms. “This is the Amelia Edition! Daddy said he cut out some stuff so that it would be okay for me to read and for me to give to you once you get home! It’s my come back home gift for you mommy!” She moves the book to your lap and hops up next to you on the loveseat that you were sitting on. Before you know it, Amelia is resting her head on your shoulder and coaxing you to start reading to her like it was a bedtime story. 

You clear your throat and hold her by the waist so that she can feel more secure in her seat. “Okay… okay… let’s begin shall we? In a kingdom far far away…”

“That’s not how the book is like mommy! Read it properly like the way daddy did!”

“I was just joking, honey. Let’s get started. Rule #1 of the House Husband is…”

Rule #1: Fathers, be good to your children. You are the weight of their world.

“One thing I learned as soon as I was at home practically 24/7 is that your child will be more cautious and weary of you. They will observe you because they look up to you. They will watch your every move, follow you around, and will imitate whatever you say and whatever they hear from you. Talk to them, teach them things they need to know, support them in their hobbies, interests, and even if you have to be the extra princess in her tea party, do it.  The thing is, you will leave an eternal mark on the hearts of your children.”

Amelia got even more closer to Levi when he was finally stationed at home. Always grinning from ear to ear and boasting to her classmates how cool her dad was whenever he would pick her up from school. She was proud to tell them Levi’s heritage even if Amelia never got to meet her Grandma Ackerman and Grandpa Ackerman. When Levi would take her out for errands, may they be groceries, cleaning the house, baking, cooking, laundry, or just going on his morning jog, Amelia would be there to accompany him. In fact, she’s gone shopping with Levi so many times that she has memorized the brand names of cleaning detergent and bleach before she could even memorize the multiplication table.

 She’s even caught up with her father’s cynical sense of humor. And because of that, Levi had to tone down on his sardonic jokes around the little girl. Levi wasn’t necessarily physically affectionate but he does soften around Amelia as the little girl never fails to supply him with endless hugs and kisses on the cheek. She may be both a Mommy’s and Daddy’s girl, but the way she looks up to Levi is the kind of father-daughter bond that you hardly see in real life. She aspires to be like him. Even if there were times where she would be scolded by you both, (most especially Levi) she never took that against you.  She sees all the good and positive sides of your husband that others outside of your circle fail to see.

Rule #2: Let your children know that they have other “guardian angels” who they can rely on aside from their parents.

“My daughter has both my wife and I’s best friends to learn from or to look up to. Her kooky aunkling and her blunt uncle have become one of the most precious people in her life. Even the young ins working at Survey Corp Tech have become older siblings to her and get along with her so well. Remember that there will always be close relatives or friends who can and will help them when they lose their way. Let them spread sunshine and love to others.”

Whether it’s a regular trip to Coney Island or your monthly trips to Disneyland, Hanji or Erwin would totally tag along. Amelia absolutely loves and vibes with Hanji’s quirkiness so well. They would wear matching Mickey Mouse ears, ride the kiddie roller coaster that Amelia wanted to ride on a million times per visit, buy her all the ice cream and treats she wants (despite Levi’s warnings and the reprimanding that Hanji has to suffer from the both of you right after.) They just want Amelia to experience all the fun, the joy, and innocence of living in the moment. As a kid, it’s better if she sees how precious life is, how she should cherish it and that she doesn’t have to grow up so fast just yet. 

Erwin on the other hand, brought out Amelia’s intellectual side more. As soon as a new and critically acclaimed children’s book hit the shelves, you bet Amelia has a copy right away. Whenever Levi would take her to Erwin’s bookstore, she wanders around like it’s this huge mysterious archive that can only be accessed by her. The Adults section is forbidden, so were the cheap romance novels in the back, and the books written by youtubers. God forbid she read those. When her Uncle Erwin got her into reading Roald Dahl’s children’s books, you had to watch Amelia run around the penthouse with a little red ribbon tied on top of her hair, wanting to be referred to as Matilda, along with you and Levi having to pretend that she had telekinetic powers for 6 months straight. It was her cutest phase yet and you just know there were many more to come. 

There were also Eren and his friends who loved Amelia dearly whenever she came over to visit. Your little cousin refused to be called Uncle Eren and instead wanted to be called big bro, and in which Amelia happily complied. Whenever it was Amelia’s weekly “Visit Mommy at Work” day, she had her own room in your office where Eren and your other young associates would babysit her. In fact, they would actually take turns in babysitting at your condo whenever you and Levi went out for date night. Amelia was introduced to playing video games like Animal Crossing and Pokemon solely because of them (more specifically because of big bro Jean, big sis Sasha, and big bro connie.) They even ended up influencing her to watch anime when her big brother “Minmin” and big sis “Mimi” accidentally left the TV on and Amelia literally binge-watched half of the existing Studio Ghibli movies to this date. 

Rule #3: Your children will think that you are Superman or Iron Man. Make sure to act like them and never let them down by ruining their innocence and imagination.”

(A little note was attached to this page: Please don’t let Amelia read this. Read her a fairy tale instead while skimming through this.)

“It all started when my daughter found an entire encyclopedia on ancient and legendary family clans around the world. The Ackerman clan was on the very first page after the intro and she read through all 50 pages of it. The look of awe on her face when she read that her dad’s ancestors exhibit physical abilities much higher than the average human. In a 7 year old’s mind and vocabulary, that automatically translates to a superhero akin to that of Superman. 

Ever since then, My daughter has forced me to become more creative with doing very mundane tasks and chores. I pretend to have superpowers. Such as teleporting around the house whilst cleaning. I tell her to close her eyes or else my teleportation powers won’t work. Then when I cook in the kitchen and she watches me intently, I tell her that the salt and pepper have magical properties that only I can touch and hold because to her, at that moment, I was “Doctor Stwange.”

and one time, when I picked her up from school, she was babbling on about how she told her friends and playmates that she had two superhero parents she was very proud of. Then one of the other kids asked if I was a strong soldier who killed huge humanoid monsters using sharp blades. To which I replied that could have possibly happened in a different universe. Her hearty laughs and giggles whenever she sees me using my superpowers makes me anxious over the fact I have to tell her someday that my powers never existed.”

Whilst you were on your monthly trip, you and Levi would have private video calls whenever Amelia was finally put to bed. There, he told you about what happened in Amelia’s ballet classes that week and how the single mothers were more persistent than usual.

They could clearly see that Levi was not interested but apparently the fact that your husband waving his ring finger every single time someone approached him wasn’t obvious enough, apparently the fact that he was married made the risk even more worth it to these prying moms who had nothing better to do. It wasn’t until Amelia had enough and respectfully called them out by saying that his dad was married and he was never going to be interested in Karens (a slang word that she learned from Eren and friends) Since then, the invasion of parent to parent boundaries had finally stopped. Levi was very relieved and at ease whilst telling you the story yet you were laughing your heart out at the ingenious remarks of your very own daughter on top of the irresistible charm and looks of your own husband that made single mothers be damned. 

Rule #4: The most important rule of all: Love your spouse as you want your children to be loved in the future.

“Since my wife is on a business trip right now as I type this and she may or may not know that I had written this book for her to read when she comes home, my daughter came up to me a few days ago and told me how she missed her mom so much. The video calls we had every night were not enough to satisfy her for the remaining days her mother would be gone. She then proceeds to tell me that she loves the way I love (Y/N). My daughter loved how patient I was and how I supported her through every endeavor that her mother had ever thought up with that brilliant mind of hers. She mentioned how I was there for her through every success and failure, through hardships, difficulties and misunderstandings. My daughter was happy because I stuck with her mother through everything. All the pain, suffering, conflicts that we both experienced individually and as husband and wife. Little ears and little eyes are watching and observing the actions and sweet gestures of their parents. Make sure to remember that.”

“What is gravy (grief) if not love persevewing?” (persevering) My daughter had even recounted a quote from the Disney Marvel show, WandaVision just to prove a point to me. That was when I realized something and decided to list down a few things: 

1. The best lovers are the best of friends.

Levi’s relationship with you was rocky at first simply because the two of you didn’t have a lot in common. Your personalities clashed and the two of you could barely make things work in the beginning. He was always well-dressed, on time, and was very prim and proper. However, Levi was cold, strict, and unapproachable. You on the other-hand were quite the opposite. You used to arrive late, didn’t care too much about your style as long as you wore the appropriate outfit, but you were carefree, laidback and friendly. Having to set aside your differences was a process that required sacrifice, time, and effort. It took long and a lot of petty arguments before the two of you fully understood each other, accepted each other's faults and quirks, and became even closer. Both as friends and lovers. You and Levi treat each other not as just the “person I love and I’m married to for the rest of my life”, but also as a best friend for life. Soulmates

2. Their dreams are just as important as yours.

Levi’s dream was to open up a tea shop and start a family with you. That was all he ever wanted. The blissful simplicity of his in comparison to your techy and out of this world ambitions, goes to show how much they weigh as aspirations and wants in life. You have to value your significant other’s dreams and ambitions just as much as you highly value yours. No matter how hard or how simple they are, the both of you can achieve it with the help of each other. The only thing left in your agenda was to open up his long-awaited Tea Shop. You were about to surprise him with the plans of opening one up on the day of his birthday, and you just can’t wait for that day to finally come.

3. You have to let them be free.

Levi absolutely knew what he was getting into when he met you. It was love at first sight when he met you, He drunkenly admitted that one time when he’s had too much champagne on your friday date night. He knew that you were an adventurer. A wandering soul who had a goal and a purpose set in stone. He always knew you were going to reach greater heights and he knew that you would never leave him behind and would always have him go on a ride. He’s always known about your capabilities and your potential and he didn’t want you to stray away from that. And, if the time were to come that you had to leave him behind to soar greater heights, he’d understand that. He’d always let you be free and make sure you don’t fly too close to the sun. That was just how selfless Levi is. The thing is, he knows you would do the same for him. It was a perfect balance. 

4. It is an honor to love and to be loved by them.

To be wrapped in the arms of someone who feels like home or has become the definition of home, To be stargazing with on a chilly summer night in where you talk about your future and your plans, To be sharing a cup of coffee or tea with in the morning and begrudgingly dancing with you against his will, To be watching your child playing in her room and do nothing but look adoringly at the most precious soul to have ever been produced by your encompassing love, and to be spending the rest of your life with someone who has done nothing but be with you through every pivotal moment in your life was such an honor. 

It is an honor to be loved by Levi, as he is honored to be loved by you. 

“...The end.” You close the book with a deep but contented sigh. Tears were welling up in your eyes and you’re trying your best not to break down in front of Amelia. 

“Mommy… are you crying?” She tilts her head in inquiry. “Is it because you’re tired from work?”

“No. baby. These are happy tears, Lili. Don’t worry.”

Before you could speak up once more, you notice Levi had slowly sprung up from the couch, and began to stretch his arms. His eyes widen when he sees you from the opposite couch. “(Y/N)... you were supposed to arrive at 6 AM right? Amelia and I were supposed to pick you-”

Amelia opens her mouth to speak as she jumps down from the couch and crawls up to sit next to Levi. “Daddy! I showed Mommy the book you wrote! She loved it! Right, Mommy?”

“You did?” Your husband perks up from his seat, clearing his throat. “T-that’s not the entire book yet by the way. We had to give back the original copies to Erwin for reprinting. The self-help book is currently rising up the charts to be a New York Times Best Seller.” 

Before Levi could properly react, you move to the free space on the couch next to him. Holding his hand and gazing into his forlorn yet loving eyes, you muttered. “Love, that’s amazing. I’m really really proud of you. Next time though, please do tell me that you’ve written a self-help book and dethroned all those mommy authors from the bestselling charts.” 

Levi stifles a laugh, stroking your thumb and bringing you and Amelia closer to him for warmth. “I will. I will.” 

Amelia looks up at the two of you, squeezing out of the sandwich, so that you and Levi can have your quality time with each other. “Goodnight Mom! Goodnight Dad!” She approaches the two of you so that she can be given her nightly kiss on the cheek as she retreats to her room. 

“What if I write a novel too?” You joke, snuggling up to Levi, your husband wrapping his arm around you. “The title could be… The way of the Wife boss?” 

“That could be a good sequel. A shared book universe. Then, Amelia could continue the collection when we’re old and sour as hell.” Levi mused.

“Pfft. I guess only time will tell. I love you Levi.”

“I love you too (Y/N).”

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

GAH, i am unwell, but -

in my current rewatch of only spn episodes that focus on reapers/death, I have unfortunately Come to a Notion, and I am going to share it with you because once again Nobody Asked.  

Yes, this is about how we Can Still Win, even after 15x20. 

[other than of course reading my post-15x20 WIP, Angels Don’t Fear the Reaper, the first chapter of which can be found on AO3 here]

so this is an extension of the theory that 15x20 is not actually heaven (because of beers and lighting), and my particular addition to the “Dean is not yet in heaven in 15x20″ lore is - 

The Bobby that greets Dean in 15x20 is not Bobby - he is actually Dean’s reaper.

for the love of Chuck I truly cannot watch a single episode of spn like a normal person.  Put your clown nose on, buddies, and come bounce around the padded walls with me - after the cut!

Okay.  First, it’s important to note that SPN has a history of intentionally using lighting/camera work as part of the story, specifically in grounding location for the viewer, for example, to convey when characters are in an alternate universe (Purgatory, Apocalypse World, The Bad Place) or experiencing an alternate/altered reality such as a djinn dream - or, for purposes of this Essay - the limbo in between life and death whilst dying.  

That space is explored a few times in the show, but the first detailed expose occurs in 7x10: Death’s Door with Bobby, as he races through his memories trying to escape his own reaper -

an example of the lighting/blurred camera work from 7x01 can be found here -

[please keep the image of Bobby’s outfit in your mind]

This lighting/blurred camera work appears again in 9x01, when Sam is dying, and is mentally here:

where they have the audacity to make the “part of Sam’s mind that is ready to accept death” appear as Bobby.

Bobby is literally used in the narrative to lead Sam towards Death, convincing Sam to accept dying.  Who usually has that job in SPN?  Reapers.

***and remember, from 2x01: In My Time of Dying, that reapers can change their form as well as a soul’s perception of surroundings -

!DEAN You know, you read the most interesting things. For example, did you know that reapers can alter human perception? I sure didn't. Basically they can make themselves appear however they want. Like, say, uh, a pretty girl. You are much prettier than the last reaper I met.

TESSA/REAPER I was wondering when you would figure it out.

!DEAN

I should have known. That whole "accepting fate" rap of yours is far too laid back for a dead chick. But the mother, and the body, I'm still trying to figure that one out.

TESSA/REAPER It's my sandbox, I can make you see whatever I want.

Compare this to Bobby’s dialogue with Sam in 9x01:

SAM 

I want to fight. I do. But I just feel like...

BOBBY  

Like you got nothing to swing at? Like you're punching at shadows? You got to let go of fightin' and scratchin' and lookin' for loopholes, 'cause that ain't happenin'.

SAM 

So – so, what? I - I - I just die?

BOBBY 

Just die? All the good you've done, all the people you've saved, all the sacrifices you've made? You've saved the world, son. How many people can say that? How many people can say that they have left this godforsaken hunk of dirt that much a better place? What you call dyin' I call leavin' a legacy.

**please hyperfixate on the word legacy for a minute and embed it in your brain for later

***what’s interesting is that this is very out of character for Bobby, and 9x01 actually reminds us of that in a prior scene ->

DEAN

Shut it, Sam. [to BOBBY] You – go. Oh, and, uh, before you throw me under the bus, you're welcome for the hell rescue.

BOBBY 

Hey, first of all, you didn't rescue jack, half-wit. Sam did. Second of all, Sam, you're in a coma. Now, suck as that may, sometimes that's just the way things go.

DEAN  

What are you talking about? There's always a way. You taught us that.

***this dialogue also contains a very specific callback to 8x19: Taxi Driver, where Bobby has this to say to Sam about accepting the finality of things-

BOBBY

Must have been hell on you not being able to get him out all that time. You did try?

SAM

Look, Bobby, Dean and I had an agreement, okay?

BOBBY I know that agreement. I taught you that agreement. That's a non-agreement. I get the feeling a lot must have happened while I was gone.

***keeping all of this in mind, let’s move on to 15x20: Carry On (sorry)-

where we have this lighting/blurred camera work 

and the first person Dean sees in ‘Heaven’ is. . . Bobby

[hmm; that outfit looks familiar]

It also drives me crazy that Bobby is just sitting here, relaxing on a rocking chair 

since this was Bobby’s primary concern before heading to heaven in 8x19 after he was rescued from actual hell -

BOBBY

But if they give me a rocking chair up there, I'm raising hell. 

Consider Also the final scene in 10x17: Inside Man, after Bobby leaves his boring ass Chuck Heaven house to help Sam and Cas break Metatron out - and Bobby tells Sam “it's the happiest I've been in forever” after he assists him and Cas in Chaotic Causing of Problems.

so, yeah - Bobby in a rocking chair as his perfect heaven is kind of. . .again, out of character.

Also I can’t ever discuss 10x17 without including this -

you’re welcome.

Anyway, back to the Derogatory 15x20 - after Dean chats with “Bobby,” it’s time to drive around In The Car.

hmm, remember Sam’s ‘dying mind limbo’ plot in 9x01?  

Also starts In The Car.

incheresting.

The 15x20 drive, however, is spliced with the Sam’s Long Life Montage, and what would convince Dean to accept death more than if his staying dead meant Sam having a long, normal, happy(??) wig life.

[had to.]

also -

*** something something children are a legacy something ***

and look, more blurred camera work.

oh, are they playing catch?

that’s cute.

An interesting irl addition to all of this is that Jarpad is on record claiming that 15x20 is his favorite episode of spn, and his second favorite is - 8x23: Sacrifice.  You know, the one where Sam dies.  The one immediately preceding 9x01.

BONUS:

Potential Reaper Bobby to dying Sam in 9x01 ->

BOBBY 

Everything inside you need to help you on your way. Go on, son. I'll be waiting for you with a couple of cold ones.

cool, cool, cool.

Anyway.  Hope this ruined your day as much as it did mine.  LYLAS

[irresistiibles]

was that ana hikari? Oh no no, that was just binx choppley, a canon character from a court of fey and flowers. They are unknown/appears twenty seven years old, use she/they, and are aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

gonna say about three weeks

what is your character’s job

she owns a shop that sells random trinkets. it comes off as an odd sort of antique shop or thrift shop. though they don’t need people to bring/sell the shop items binx isn’t against it either. she also will take commissions to craft objects or outfits for people but they don’t advertise that much.

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

the current point of the show which is episode 8. i will probably continue to update binx as the show continues to come out

has any magic affected your character

nope!

any other info!

okay hear me out i know this is a niche character so i’m going to info dump on y’all

binx choppley is a fey of the court of craft. in their world all the fae exist in a regency era sort of world with ladies and lords and courts.

she is also the last fey of her court, making them technically the leader. 

they are almost entirely certain their court was killed on purpose, that another court stole their magic leaving the rest of the court stuck in the human realm, which eventually led the fey to turn into objects.

the last weaver of fate (the title of the leader of their court) turned into a tree. binx’s sister turned into a haunted house

binx was never made to be a leader. her job was bringing blankets and cocoa to her court members after a long day until one day there was no one left

they managed to survive by essential becoming a warlock patron, and making a feedback loop in which she gave magic to mortals, and got some magic back in return 

so so sweet and down to earth but also pretty guarded. when they showed up at the bloom (sort of a big festival with all the courts) to confirm how hers disappeared she showed up disguised as a different fey in order to avoid any issues

so binx doesn’t trust super easily, and can be extremely blunt will speak their mind no matter what

can craft nearly anything in like the course of an hour

a fey of lost things and liminal spaces. when an object goes missing behind a drawer or gets left on a train or something of that ature it will often show up in binx’s shop a day or two later

technically she’s got moth wings but i’m gonna have them concealed with a glamor all the time, they just also provide a way for her to store things

they’re definitely worried about being in the mortal realm when certain fey are trying to get rid of magic flowing into this existence, but is also kinda relived because they’re way more comfortable around humans than other fey

possible connections

employees/work connections: if anyone wants to work at her store binx could definitely use one or two people, but also anyone who comes in semi regularly would also be cool

warlocks??: so this one is a bit much but if anyone decides they want their character to have magic binx can give those sorts of powers, to an extent. she wouldn’t give them to just anyone, it would need to be someone they find trustworthy, but it’s definitely something i’d be down to plot

any friends at all: pls they’ve been on their own for a hot minute some people to just get along with would be awesome

accidental enemy: like i said binx is real blunt and could def step on some toes and upset someone without meaning to 

literally anything pls this is my current hyperfixation

[eunoiastarz]

more adhd balthazar propaganda requested by my beloved @sunriseat9am <3

adhd symptoms I noticed throughout his scenes:

rejection sensitive dysphoria:

I’m going to use 6x21 as my crutch for this because look at him

also in 6x03 when cas chooses the winchesters over him

hyper sensitivity:

almost every scene we’re faced with balthazars walls of an ‘I don’t care’ attitude which I think is just masking for his hyper sensitivity. I mean the 6x21 forest scene says it all, for a minute or two he stops masking and elevates his voice while using rapid hand gestures to vent his frustrations. I can also use 6x03 again as an example with how he begins pacing during the rougher parts of the conversation in order to hide his face from cas. and again, the way he blankly stands there while cas raises his voice, his own tone getting much softer.

mood swings:

balthazar to change frequently through emotions. he goes quickly from anger in the 6x03 holy fire scene to being utterly defeated within a few words. the 6x21 forest scene where he goes from frustrated to calm in a matter of seconds, and the 6x21 confrontation scene with sam and dean he goes from annoyed to panicked before composing his false attitude enough to fly off. just watch and you’ll see how he never keeps a consistent emotion during scene.

hyper activity/ excessive activity/ fidgeting:

balthazar is never not moving and when he isn’t it’s only ever for a few seconds. we also know he goes out to parties a lot and constantly surrounds himself with any chaotic activity he can find. this isn’t even mentioning the 6x15 scene where he’s talking to himself while rushing around bobby’s house, completely ignoring anyone else.

irritability/ low frustration tolerance:

truly this could just be because he finds sam and dean extensively annoying as he should, but I’m clocking him. he just hates them so much without a concrete reason. he doesn’t hate cas for trapping him in holy fire, but then again sam and dean have ruined a lot for him.

impulsivity/ lack of self restraint:

he doesn’t example many impulsive decisions, the only instance I can find is him impulse to save cas in 6x03 despite what it will cost him, but I think he’s impulsive in the way he speaks. he says a lot of out of pocket things depending on how who he’s talking to is making him feeling in the moment. adding on ‘honey’ after challenging raphael just because he knows cas will save him and telling dean he considered ‘ripping out his sticky bits’ just because they were annoying him was out of impulsive in my opinion.

dismissive behaviors:

watching through his scenes I noticed how dismissive he is of his own feelings and situations he doesn’t want to be happening. he fidgets more in these scenes and puts up and entirely different personality while either laughing it off or trying to change the topic. when he starts getting dismissive it’s also when his mood does a whole 180 within seconds. the entirety of his opening 6x03 scene is what I’m using as proof.

always relating things back to his interests:

I think his interest in movies is pretty obvious (titanic, the godfather, etc) so when he explained the current situation to sam and dean in 6x15 by using the movie the godfather, unsinking the titanic after watching the movie was his plan he was finding ways to relate through what he knew.

poor planning:

to me balthazar never really fully thought through everything he did, kind of like I said early he acts on impulse at times; in 6x03 when he damaged raphaels vessel to save cas, betraying cas and working with the winchesters, telling sam to kill bobby. when castiel even comments that he came back in 6x03 looking for an explanation of why, balthazar gives some off handed comment on the spot of how he’ll have more time to flee. I don’t think he ever saw through to what would happen as a result of these things all he thought in the moment was what he really cared about.

stimming:

stimming isn’t something he does much in canon, but I’m counting the times when he gets frustrated and starts pacing/ talking with his hands as him stimming.

persistent repetition of words or actions:

once again this isn’t something he does much but I noticed how he always holds his glasses the same exact way and drinks them whenever gauging what exactly he wants to say next. he also repeats words directly or summarizing things over and over to get his point across.

Now for the fun hc stuff!!:

(some or these are repeated from my hcs post and some are from my girlfriend who has never watched the show at all but is the resident adhd haver of our household so <3)

when he was younger sitting around in intelligence was very boring so he learned how to do tricks with his blade. it became a way of stimming to him so he could focus on whatever he was being taught. no one in intelligence appreciated it though. cas actually gets his spinny blade thing from him.

his character description in script says that he’s slightly manic (an attractive charmer who appears slightly manic on the surface but carries a great sadness) so I think that when he finally left heaven it was on impulse during a manic episode. he knew he had to leave, but I don’t think without that adrenaline he could ever bring himself to leave his garrison.

most definitely canon and confirmed that he has sensory issues and the reason he wears a v-neck all the time is because if he wears a collar any higher he feels like he’s being chocked.

old love songs are always playing throughout his house because it’s subconsciously helps him focus and he finds the quiet off putting.

his jacket? There is the part of the end of the sleeve thats really smooth because of how often he rubs it when he is panicked or just unsure of himself (a personal favorite from gf <3)

whenever him and cas are talking he’ll stim by messing with the belt of his trenchcoat.

whenever he can’t remember something he looks around the room and snaps his fingers while mumbling under his breath trying to figure out what he’s supposed to remember.

flashback to my post that said quote “adhd balthazar propaganda flappy hands” because so true past me

he wears a lot of jewlery so I like to think he stim with it <3 he messes up and fixes his watch over and over again. during long conversations he’s tugging his rings on and off to make sure he focuses on what’s being said.

going back to the sensory issues he can pet a cat normally but never backwards because he hates how it feels yes I’m right.

he sways all he time without noticing, especially when sitting. he sits cross legged only. (this one from my gf <3)

he’s overexcitable!! he’s loud and has no volume control!!! he just wants to have fun with things!!

he hyperfixated in cas for a bit and would tell him everything. (from my gf and no I don’t know how he never watched the show yet was on the nose with this one. they’re just a genius i guess)

I’ve noted before that I think he only likes wine so I think he stims sometimes by twirling his wine glass.

his first ever hyperfixation was frogs <3

he’s bored very easily with people and places hence why he flys all over the world.

he repeats his own stories a lot with the same amount of excitement which always bothered other angels outside of his garrison. it’s one of the reasons he learned to mask better.

despite being perfectly fine in loud crowded areas he gets easily overstimulated in high stress (mental) situations.

he hyperfixated on movies after being exposed to them on earth. it’s how he learned about modern human culture and finds it the easiest way to relate/ communicate with them.

he’s the most sociable out of the garrison but somehow had the least friends.

he doesn’t understand other people’s emotions at all. he can’t tell how people feel about him in anyway. sam and dean hate him but they still call him for help. he thinks he’s cas’ best friend but cas has never chose him once. he tries to act like it doesn’t bother him and pretends to be self centered to avoid having to ask the question. anna used to be the one to help him with things like this since she always had a good grasp on communication, but obviously she isn’t around anymore.

he’s a perfectionist, to him all things are about presentation. I’m using his introduction and the raphael confrontation scene as my proof.

balthazars always either humming or singing under his breath which everyone but his garrison finds annoying. they used to, but they’ve just become well adapted to his quirks.

he’s repressed his personality a lot. being loud and excitable in heaven was highly frowned upon, so in order to survive he tries to mask as much as possible

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss Game Hiatuses?

I want to preface this enter post with the comment that I am absolutely not saying "Oh, if you're not enjoying SSO, you should just leave the community." That's a bad argument used against criticism that I do not promote. However, I am going to talk about how if you're not enjoying SSO, why you should take a pause from playing.

I'm going to generally credit @centeris2 on this topic, because while I'm not using direct quotes (because private convos aren't exactly the style I want to use for Can We Discuss), we had a long conversation about this topic and she made a lot of good points for this that I wanted to discuss. Some of these points are based on her opinions, a lot of out thoughts blurred together so it's hard to directly credit, and she gave me the ok to talk about it and use her thoughts.

In any case, let's start with the fact that it is perfectly normally to like something and still drop it for years at a time, or to not directly engage with it. For instance, I adore the Legend of Zelda franchise (were it not obvious from my recent to be rescheduled event), but I haven't personally picked up a LOZ game for a year-ish now when I replayed Minish Cap. That doesn't revoke my LOZ fan card, that's a perfectly normal thing to do. Most of you will have done this throughout your life, more and more recognizably as you get older.

This however can get blurred by fandom. It is very often that folks with hyperfixations on a thing, who may or may not engage with something more regularly than other media, will get involved in fandom and make a lot of content for that fandom. These people can produce loads of content on a piece of media and this can fuel a community, even if the rest of the community isn't actively engaging with that media. It also doesn't specifically mean that people with hyperfixations are constantly engaging with that media. Going back to that LOZ example, I wrote LOZ fanfic for years without actively playing more than one LOZ game maybe a year or two. Content can be queued, be entirely original outside of the media, and still last a long time and engage with the fandom at large.

The point is to say, even if you make content and enjoy a piece of media, you don't have to actually be playing/reading/listening/watching it constantly. In fact, normally modern fandom culture makes that pretty easy to do, though it can sometimes make us feel like we're still engaging directly with the media even if we're technically not. But it's good to take a step back and acknowledge that. A lot of younger fans in fandom have a hard time with this, which is why I'm taking the time to point it out. A lot of young fans will hyperengage in a fandom because they want to be involved in this fandom they love, only to burn themselves out and be turned away by their frustration. It's important then to acknowledge this scenario to encourage better, healthier involvement with fandom. Still, in this situation, you can easily bow out of a fandom if you need to take a break and then come back when something new happens in it, like a new release or update. This may feel like a fandom "dies" when a piece of media ends, but for active media, it's a normal and healthy thing to do.

SSO on the other hand does not encourage the ability for people to take a break, or at least it does it at the detriment of the player. Because of the weekly updates, players are constantly checking for the chance that there is something interesting coming out. This is somewhat addressed by the monthly roadmaps the team has been putting out, but that also just extends the period of time people are waiting for news and they're still staying in the release cycle for more clarification. For instance, we know Silverglade Village is getting an update at the end of the month, but knowing SSO's release cycle, are they going to tease some more of the changes? Are they going to reveal how wide the area of update is going to be? Will any NPCs get updates with it? This is still in the weekly cycle and it keeps players from building up actual suspense for updates if we know when content is coming out. It also takes away a lot of suspense when the content isn't main content, like new areas or story. While the suspense for the Fripp quests I would say were quite large, I wouldn't say that any of the other updates have shared the same attention. This is why most companies will release roadmaps for quarters or for a year.

And this isn't to say that SSE as a company shouldn't be releasing media content weekly, they should. That's good social media. But there are ways to engage with fans that don't drag out a reliance to engage weekly, things like community contests, highlighting fans, or promoting fanmade content. But when every update is super in the eyes of social media, fatigue and apathy are going to start to kill actual excitement unless it's something major.

I don't think it's a secret that I think the weekly updates aren't good for the game on the development side. I think it creates a pseudo-crunch culture on the developers so that they can't work on larger projects that players are asking for, like an engine overhaul (it took FFXIV two years to do theirs, when are the devs supposed to have time on SSO to switch now). But, I also don't think it's good for the players. Yes, there's something every week, but how are players actually engaging each week and how much time can we build up anticipation or get excited when each week that gets diffused by something that's not super exciting the majority of other weeks? Which doesn't mean that that content is bad, but it clearly builds frustration in the community to have "filler" content. When's the next story quests, when's the next map expansion, when's the next major mechanic being added, etc. We're constantly discussing the next big thing and then finding reasons to be excited in the meantime. This does not spark joy.

But in order to take a break, either you need to be on top of your Stable Care (likely to pull you back in), or just stop caring about your horses while you're away (unlikely considering the horse girl is strong in this community). The first requires Star Coins, which is arguably saying "You have to pay real money to take a break," and the second is actively punishing you mechanically for not being committed to playing. Neither of those allow the player to take healthy, normal breaks from the community to engage in other things. And that's an issue.

Yes, MMOs need regular engagement. Active servers and participation are a part of what makes them more marketable. But there are ways to do that without penalizing players. And I'm not suggesting that the care system needs to be entirely removed, but it does need to be entirely reworked so players can leave the game without coming back penalized. Things like the care system not affecting stats, but increasing your RNG for finding doubles of crafting items, or doubling your shilling rewards from dailies. WoW's inn system rewards players for taking breaks by double your exp gain longer depending on how long you were away. Others like Guild Wars 2 will give you log in rewards that build up to bigger prizes over time. There are ways to do this.

And I understand that a lot of folks like the current care system because it's realistic. But there has to be a line in game development where enjoyment in a game is prioritized over the realism of the game, not to mention the health of the player. Yes, the daily care system is more realistic, but if it is developing an obsessive habit of play to enjoy content that is, realistically, months to years down the line, that's not good for the player and should be changed so players can break from the game without coming back to punished controls. There are better systems that can still be realistic, things like crafting feed schedules to recover health boosts faster instead of having to see the vet, increasing how often the mood goes up so it doesn't take a whole week, changing it so when taking a horse for a ride the mood will increase every 10 or so minutes by engaging with a horse you like. Rewarding players for getting on and playing the game instead of making them dread missing when they should be coming back with excitement for the game.

All of that said, I want to encourage all of you to play more games where you can. I know there are system limitations, restricted budgets, and sometimes regional limits because of limited languages or just straight regionlocks. But in the same way reading makes you a better reader and writer, gaming makes you a better gamer (and developer/designer if you go that route). It helps you identify what you like in games and in the same way that reading other things makes coming back to your favorite all that much better, so does playing other games. I'm going to reblog this in a bit with some games I'd recommend with links to Steam and Epic and I'd encourage you all to do the same.

The takeaway I hope to give is that it's normal and healthy to take a break from games. You can still engage with media without directly engaging with it through fandom. SSE can do more to not penalize players for wanting to take a break, and should. And where you can, you should play more games and break for the health of your relationship with a piece of media you like.

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

A rant of personal experiences and trying to do something positive with them:

Okay so procrastination is a huge thing in ADHD. Same with memory issues. (Not that these are always present and maybe some people experience both without being ADHD).

So. Here’s an experience I’m just now (at almost 40) realizing was a thing:

Imagine a huge essay/report/project requiring a lot of research and several sources was due in a few weeks. The advice was always to break it down, take notes, and make an outline. It made perfect sense. And maybe it does help some or even most people.

But for some, like me, it was still impossibly overwhelming and breaking it down was worse. The project was often boring (especially if I had to ignore a hyperfixation to work on it) and even if it wasn’t, it still felt like A LOT when my brain was full of TV static and my memory was shit.

It takes a ton of repetition for me to even temporarily remember something and even then, it will likely be gone again in a few days. UNLESS I learn by actually doing something or figuring it out for myself. And my brain gaslights itself like “do I remember that right? No that can’t be right. Let me look it up for the 100th time to make sure.” And I’m WAY more likely to remember concepts or physical processes but completely forget the terms for them or names of things or important dates EVEN FOR MY HYPERFIXATIONS, damnit... Like, I can do a bunch of crafty stuff and even remember some common terms and items but not the less common fabrics or stitch types or tool names. (Yet somehow I could remember the exact location of hundreds of thousands of items of inventory at my craft store job... even if I didn’t know what they were called. But I stocked them and had physical contact with them so I could picture where they were.) The number one overwhelming thing for me about trying to be a pro at anything is trying to remember terms so it sounds like I know what I’m talking about.

Anyway...

Without acknowledging that, I ended up wasting time by trying to schedule research/work in small chunks because every time I stopped then tried to start again, I wouldn’t remember what I did or looked at last time. (Can I also add that this is why being interrupted is infuriating for me? It probably seems irrational to other people but it’s so hard to get focused on something and now my train of thought is derailed, passengers are dead and injured, and it’s going to take who knows how long to revive the survivors?) And maybe that wasn’t so bad the first time because I’d only have to reread one page of notes. But then it would happen a few more times and my focus would be blurred and I’d repeated myself multiple times in the notes and they’d become a mess and look horrible which was distracting and I’d feel overwhelmed by having to reread and now rewrite several pages and focus would be even worse because I did remember some bits and blanked out while looking at those then stay blanked out then I’d have to reread again to catch the parts I didn’t remember.

But.

If I waited until the last minute, when the consequence/reward system overrode how overwhelming or boring the project was, I could burn through it because I was in constant contact with the material and it was all currently on my mind and I could skip writing notes and an outline and go straight to a fairly decent flow-state draft then keep going through revisions and editing all without forgetting WTF I’d researched. And it would be done in so so so much less time with a lot less effort and frustration.

And...

AND

And then there’s the schedule thing and why it DOES NOT WORK for me. If I schedule doing something (or even if someone suddenly wants me to do something right now) and my brain is like, “nah sorry, just static right now,” there’s absolutely nothing I can do to make it work and I’m just going to get frustrated and tired and depressed and discouraged. But if I keep a loose list of things that need to get done and indicate which are priorities, I can look at it and say “yeah. This one seems doable right now.” No I’m not going to get up and vacuum that spot of cat litter at this exact moment but it’s a good idea to do it soon so I’ll add vacuum to the list and probably get it done later the same day. If the cat throws up, that is an immediate priority so I will get up and make sure they’re okay and clean it because my brain does actually recognize things like that as super important. If a bill arrives in the mail, I’ll stop and pay it right away because I know I don’t have to think/worry about it again if I do. But what sucks about that is that society wants and often understandably needs people to work on a schedule. And I just... can’t.

But I’m trying to take this knowledge and apply it, trying to accept that this is how I function. I function based on a system of priorities that get done in order of “absolutely must be done right this second, whether for my own reasons or outside reasons, even if I need to drop other things” to “this is what I CAN do right now.” Not something pre-scheduled. If I need to leave something to the last minute then I’m just going to accept that that’s how it’s going to be and that’s okay. Then I can free up energy and space to do other things in the meantime rather than worry and be anxious and beat myself up because I should be doing the thing and end up hating things I like doing because they’re not what I should be doing and now there’s a negative association with them. No. Screw that. If all I can do today is play a video game then fine. Gonna enjoy it. Because I now know for a fact, from years of experience, that I will do the important things. They just need to wait until I’m capable of doing them. And... if I let myself stop worrying about old WIPs... They get done eventually too. It might take a few years but as long as I don’t actually decide not to do them, they will get done.

All that said... I still want to look into meds because it would be nice to have more of an ability to focus more regularly. I just need to clear up some other medical stuff first and I’ve got appointments already set up for that.

One more thing... I f$&#ing hate the attitude teachers have about doodling in class. It was literally the only way I could focus during lectures and remember anything they were talking about. I could look at what I drew and remember what was being said while I drew it. F$&% every teacher who took away my notebooks or yelled at me for it. Without it, I’d zone out completely. And THANK YOU to the art history teacher and biology teachers I had who not only understood but encouraged it and actually helped me direct it toward the subject matter by suggesting drawing thumbnails of the art or cell structure or anatomy.

[krokonoko]

The new Hitman trilogy is 100% made for people with ADHD and you should check ‘em out!

the other day I wrote up this huge rant for a friend on why I consider these games perfectly designed masterpieces that sometimes seem to be specifically made for people whose brains work like mine. Since the last part of the trilogy is about to drop this month, I thought hey, why not make this thing public, cuz I don’t see enough people talking about these absolute pieces of art!!!

Most ppl think the Hitman games are about shooting people, when actually, they are bona fide puzzle games with more in common with point-and-click-adventures than shooters.

The Hitman games are cut into individual levels. Each level is a completely new place with a completely new target that's got something else going on. One level is a huge estate with a fashion show inside, one level is a picturesque Italian coastal town with a genetic laboratory underneath it, etc. the maps are huge and contain hundreds of NPCs.

Strictly speaking, you have only one objective: find the target and eliminate it. That in and of itself is often not very difficult. BUT. the point is that you can approach the objective however you want. You can run in guns blazing, you can sneak over the roofs of the town into their kitchen and poison their food... or you can dress in a flamingo costume and blackmail them with classified information you stole from the original owner of the costume, which makes the target want to kill you, which means they will send their bodyguards away, which gives you an opportunity to get rid of them without any witnesses.

You can make the two targets meet each other, resulting in one killing the other, but not before they had a dramatic confrontation.

There's not much sneaking going on, most stealth is achieved through disguising yourself with every possible available outfit on the map, butler, bug extinguisher, hippie, masseur, surfing instructor, you name it!

of course 47 prepares extensively for all the roles he could potentially take on and excels at perfectly impersonating any and all of his disguises. make him take up the mantle of a drummer and watch him turn into a professional percussionist! 

or turn him into a real estate agent and watch him do his best to sell a house!

The true stars of the game are the NPCs, especially the targets.

They will often seem like a stereotype at first, but the more time you spend on a map, the more you follow them around, explore each corridor and listen to NPCs talking about them, the more you will realize that they have rich backgrounds, often even almost sympathetic motivators for their horrible actions. But it is not your job to judge them, you are just here to fulfill a contract. And as the man who hits, your gift and your curse is that you touch people's lives only by ending them.

The maps are meant to be played multiple times, and the better you get to know them, the more they turn into your personal playground. They are 1000 pieces puzzles, and you get rewarded with information (and just plain up hysterically funny dialogues) for exploring, listening to NPCs, experimenting with items and killing methods.

All you HAVE to do is get rid of your targets. how much you meander on your way there, and which way you take is completely up to you.

Now how is that good for people with ADHD? Ofc I can't speak for everyone, only from my own experience. But for me the way in which this game gives you little snippets of information on every corner is absolutely perfect. You get a little puzzle piece here, another two there, and if you are interested in the target’s motivations, you can put them all together in your head to form one full picture - if you want.

If you’re not interested in an aspect of a mission, you don’t have to slog through endless amounts of information or cut scenes, you can just shoot your target in the head and leave.

Probably my favorite thing about the game are mission stories. They are clear routes to eliminating your targets you can take, where the game guides you through the level and tells you exactly what to do to achieve a particularly interesting or scenic route. One of my favorite mission stories is on the first map, in Paris, where you disguise yourself as a supermodel who is secretly a spy in order to get a private meeting with one of your targets.

For me, every new map is a new hyperfixation, and every new map has endless amounts of information hidden away in every nook and cranny that you CAN get lost in - if you want to. You don't have to. But BOY do I want to. Even after I’ve sunken over 200 hours into the first two entries in the trilogies, I still find stuff that I didn’t even know existed! The amount of intricate detail the developers worked into these games is not even comprehendable. On every corner there's something else going on, you stumble upon a gold mine of NPC dialogue on every corridor, and if you wonder: is there a way to approach the target like THAT...? There usually will be. 

It's like it's Christmas every five minutes and my brain is firing like a racing motor cuz wherever you turn there's some new stimulation going on. And if you get distracted from what you were currently doing by some other shiny thing, well that’s no problem at all! Where often other games will slap your wrist for getting distracted, the developers put so much love and care into rewarding you for exploring every corner of the map. The game wants you to get creative and think outside of the box.

Every time Steam has some form of sale going on, the first two games are available for reduced prices. If you think any of what I said above sounds interesting, I highly recommend you check em out! I’d honestly say they’re some of the best video games I have ever played.

[fandom-star]

Writer’s Tag

@its-all-ineffable tagged me to do this, but it’s a long one so I’m doing it in a different post! Thank you very much! I love doing these so much!

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How many works do you have on AO3?

164 (possibly 165 by the weekend if I post the Witcher one I finished the other day)

What's your total AO3 word count?

181468

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

It’s Okay (Merlin: Merthur) - 569 Kudos Pulchra (Night At The Museum: Jedtavius) [NSFW] - 286 Kudos A Father’s Wisdom (Merlin: Merthur: Uther-centric) - 270 Kudos Crush (MCU Spider-Man: PeterNed) - 262 Kudos Comfort Blankets For Sleepy Gods (MCU Loki Series: Lokius) - 245

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Sometimes. I try to if I’m not in a non-social mood. Mostly, if I start off on my page before reading any fic and see that I have something in my inbox and it turns out to be a comment on my fic, then I’m more likely to reply to it. Idk why it works like that. Otherwise, it’s kinda touch and go whether or not I’ll reply to something, you’ve got a 50/50 chance, but I always read and appreciate every one that I get.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

*Looks at my abundance of angst fics* There’s... a surprising amount of angst without happy endings in my repertoire. Um. I’ll give you three that I vividly remember. (All of these are Star Trek and Spones) Written In The Stars - This is one of my really early works, and was gonna have a sequel that made it have a less angsty ending, but I could never get into the rhythm of writing it. I won’t spoil it, but this is probably the only fic I’ve written where Sarek is a straight-up dick. Battlefield - As the title suggests, there’s war with no real context. And major character death. It’s sad. I genuinely made people cry with this. I am both proud and apologetic of that. Unreal - This is probably one of my more complex concepts, and I’m really proud of it. Features ooc Spock with contextual reasons I won’t spoil, defensive/protective McCoy and major character death of a sort.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending

This is kind of difficult, bc while I have excessively written angsty endings (see: above answer) I do usually write happy endings, and I can’t remember all 160 fic endings left over, and even then it’s difficult to rank them by happiest. I like Nutcase {Murdoch Mysteries: Watts-centric) a lot, oh and also Blame It On Me (Star Trek Pricard: Hughnor) which is angst with a happy ending (and has amazing art accompanying it). There are many others with happy endings, but like I said I have no idea how to rank them by “happiest”.

Do you write crossovers? If so, What is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I don’t really, but I have written one as a request that I really really enjoyed. A Good Day is ThorBruce and is set in the DS9 era of Star Trek, in which Thor is a captain and Bruce is his chief science officer. It’s really adorable and features sleepy, over-worked Bruce and a very characteristically happy Thor.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I don’t think so, unless you count unsolicited advice I felt I couldn’t turn down on ff.net when I was struggling to write Uhura. I’m kind of surprised I haven’t tbh (not that I’m complaining) since I do write for some very popular fandoms and ships (although, conversely, also some very niche fandoms and ships).

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I write it but have only ever posted it thee, four times if you count the exploratory one I posted under a pseudonym that wasn’t really that smutty. I’m hoping to get the confidence up to post some of what I’ve written tho, bc I do really like hat I’ve managed to do with some of it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I’m aware.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I have! A lovely person found my fic 1967, which is probably one of my favourite Spones fics I’ve written, based around the UK’s decriminalisation (well, partial) of homosexuality, and traslated it into Hungarian here. I’ve not been able to check it out, due to not knowing a thing in the language (tho I could probably ask my friend to) but the translator seemed really lovely, so I trust them to have done a good job.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not something I posted, but before I even started posting fanfic, me and my best friend really randomly started writing a Star Trek TNG x Star Wars crossover whenever they were at my house. We gave up on it after about a year and never wrote much for it, but it was... it was something.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

This changes all the time with my hyperfixations! One that will always be in my heart is obviously Spones, my og ship and within my special interest. Currently I’m obsessed with The Witcher so I’ve got Geraskier on the mind but who knows when that might change!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

In terms of fanfic I don’t really have any that I don’t think I’ll ever finish. I have an original script that I started writing months ago but only got about three scenes into and haven’t touched since bc I don’t actually have a plot for it.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue; Is situations one? That sounds like a good and fancy way of saying AUs; Finding synonyms should be one, that’s like half my search history

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description; Despite my talent of finding synonyms I feel like I do repeat words a lot; Planning and outlining, I just don’t do it - it works for me tho.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m pretty sure the only times I’ve really done it is for Jedtavius (having Oct speak in Latin occasionally) and I might have done it once or twice with Spock speaking Vulcan, both times it’s mostly terms of endearment or Oct wanting to be romantic. Idk, I don’t really care about reading dialogue in other languages as long as there’s a translation somewhere in the work or I can easily pick it up or search it. Just do whatever, it’s your writing. As long as you do it well and it makes contextual sense, I don’t really care.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Unposted: Star Trek: The Next Gen Posted: Sherlock (I actually recently reread my first ever posted fic, it’s a long haul (just over 45k), but if anyone ever wants to see a work where my writing visibly improves lemme know and I’ll email the pdf to you)

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Why would you do this to me??? I love most of my fics!!! I’m just gonna link a few here cause I’ve been doing this for an hour now and it would definitely take me an hour to choose just one! The Relationship Series - modern AU, autistic Spock (written by a self-projecting autistic writer), there’s angst spattered about but is especially prominent in part 6, I just really love this series Promises You Can’t Keep - Loki spoilers, I love this bc it’s based on “what if my finale theory was right instead of being debunked three minutes into the episode”, definitely angst with a hopeful ending I love all of my Charite At War fics, but I’m gonna link my 20 years post-canon fic Grow Old With Me and my modern AU You Give Me Your Light - both have some heavy topics (post-canon is set in 1960s East Germany, modern AU topics are tagged) but I adore both with my entire heart You’ll Never Burn - Merlin/Merthur, again kinda heavy (not as heavy as the Charite ones in my opinion) but short and everything is tagged I love all of my Babylon 5 fics but Secret Rendezvous will always have a special place in my heart. It’s very sweet and essentially follows Vir and Lennier trying to navigate coming out about their relationship to their ambassadors I also recommend all the of the fics I’ve already linked in the post ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now for the hard part - tagging!

@esperata @tallysgreatestfan @iwritesometimes @marlinspirkhall and any other writer mutuals I’ve likely forgotten but I’ve already spent WAY too long writing this post asfdhdskjdgha So I apologise, but if you wanna do it, absolutely go for it, this was so much fun and really made me realise how much I’ve achieved in 4.5 years.