#I can’t believe e I stayed up til 5 am for this shit.

[passingbypainfullyaware]

Your girl just binge watched all of Good omens season two. I’m so fragile rn.

[detectivesplotslies]

SPEAKING OF MUSICALS what’re some songs that fit some v3 ships or moments in the game? Atleast In your opinion

Oh boy. Some of these are gonna be dumb and biased as a warning. I don’t know how many will be ships but I definitely have some moments from the game/character thought ones. This is gonna be a long post cause I like throwing in lyrics SORRY! Anon I hope you don’t regret this lmaoThis is getting…. very long so I think I’m gonna put them under the cut! :’DThere’s some Wicked, Chicago, Avenue Q, Scarlet Pimpernel, Hamilton, Into the Woods, RENT, The Greatest Showman, Little Shop of Horrors, The Producers, Come From Away and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along BlogThere’s some Oumota, Saimatsu, Saiibo, and loose Saiouma in here, but also a few more general ones!

As most of you know, I have a Oumota Wicked AU, but there’s one song I’d like to point out that’s not for the ship that I quite like for the character in question, and that’s Wonderful, for Tsumugi. This one I found to be a great one for comparing what she does there in that au with some actual stuff in the game.Have some lyrics! I guess I just - wanted to give the citizens of Oz everything.

So you lied to them.

Elphaba, where I’m from, we believe all sorts ofthings that aren’t true. We call it“history.”A man’s called a traitor or liberatorA rich man’s a thief or philanthropistIs one a crusader or ruthless invader?It’s all in which labelIs able to persistThere are precious few at easeWith moral ambiguitiesSo we act as though they don’t exist 

—Another song, this one I discussed in a discord server with some awesome friends so not taking full credit for it, is We Both Reached For the Gun from Chicago for Kokichi and Gonta. The interview plays like the setup trial and while not exact is DEFINITELY an awesome play on the vibe and how it was done. Puppetry and motives running the entire show~! Also has some of the best choreography! And when the reporter starts agreeing that there is Shuichi proving it all.

Then describe it.He came toward me.With the pistol?From my bureau.Did you fight him?Like a tiger.He had strength and she had none.And yet we both reached for the gunOh yes, oh yes, oh yes we bothOh yes we bothOh yes, we both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gunOh yes, we both reached for the gunFor the gun.

—

The next one might be a weird one, and the dramatic delivery might not suit her as much, but I associate Falcon in the Dive from The Scarlet Pimpernel with Maki in chapter 5. It’s about a manhunt, hunting down an enemy, and how your own morals are already done and it’s up to you. There’s a bit of conflict in it about being bitter about it too and it fits some characterization I wish they had shown there there. It plays in with the memories they barely have as well. Have some lyrics!

There was a dream - a dying ember.There was a dream - I don’t remember …but I will resurrect that dream,though rivers stream and hills grow steeper.For here in hell, where life gets cheaper -oh, here in hell, the blood runs deeper.And when the final duel is near,I’ll lift my spear and fly.Piercing into the sky, and higher!And the strong will thrive!Yes, the weak will cower,while the fittest will survive!If we wait for the darkest hour‘til we spring alive,then with claws of fire,we devour like a falcon in the dive. —In a lighter tone, There is Life Outside Your Apartment from Avenue Q is a Kaito drags sidekicks to training song, I dare you to prove me otherwise.  When I say “everyone”, that includes you!There is life outside your apartmentI know it’s hard to conceive,but there’s life outside your apartment,and you’re only gonna see it if you leave.There is cool shit to do,but it can’t come to you.And who knows, dude,you might even score!There is life outside your apartment,but you’ve got to open the door!No, thanks, I’m staying in.Don’t tell me I gotta force you.Sorry!All right everyone! He’s resisting! —OKAY so if you follow me by now you know I really enjoy Kokichi. When I was looking for songs, @dykeenvy reminded me of this one and it fits Chapter 5 Kokichi so well, so shoutout to them! Last Midnight from Into the Woods for Kokichi. It’s the point where everyone’s arguments and blame (from the song Your Fault! which is ALSO a good V3 song, it’s like… every trial) turns to the witch and she’s done with them and it’s great, specifically this lyrical sequence! You’re so nice You’re not good You’re not bad You’re just nice I’m not good I’m not nice I’m just right I’m the witch You’re the world  I’m a hitch I’m what no one believes I’m the witch You’re all liars and thieves Like his father Like his son will be, too Oh, why bother? You’ll just do what you do

—

OKAY now onto some more dialogue heavy stuff! Non-Stop from Hamilton for Kokichi & Shuichi! Let me explain. Kokichi I find is very like Hamilton, making himself the center of it all, writing, not stopping, going at it all, making enemies but overall doing more and more ambitious. Meanwhile Shuichi is a lot more like Burr, says less, but knows what he’s doing, and bewildered by Hamilton’s methods. Keeps his cards close to his chest until he needs them. Kokichi writing like he’s running out of time is so very very in character. It just fits him SO WELL. It could even represent Kokichi’s attempt to partner with him in chapter 4 and being turned down. Some lyrics! Why do you always say what you believe?Why do you always say what you believe?Ev'ry proclamation guarantees free ammunition for your enemiesWhy do you write like it’sGoing out of style?Write day and night like it’sGoing out of style?Ev'ry day you fight like it’sGoing out of style—On a more somber note, I think The Story of Tonight from Hamilton has great post game VR AU feels for the survivors and maybe Rantaro too in the midst of causing Team Danganronpa some disastrous reactions to their forced ending. I love aus where they are getting legal repercussions and the cast is being held, the dead maybe even still under, until it’s worked out and I think this fits here

I may not live to see our glory! (I may not live to see our glory!)But I will gladly join the fight! (But I will gladly join the fight!)And when our children tell our story… (And when our children tell our story…)They’ll tell the story of tonightLet’s have another round tonight (Let’s have another round tonight)Let’s have another round tonightRaise a glass to freedomSomething they can never take awayNo matter what they tell youRaise a glass to the four of us Tomorrow there’ll be more of usTelling the story of tonightThey’ll tell the story of tonight —

Okay, another shoutout to @dykeenvy and the Yeehonk! server for this one since we chatted about it in there BUT - Take Me or Leave Me from Rent is an Oumota song. The energy, the stances, the stubborness. It is ALL THERE. A tiger in a cageCan never see the sunThis diva needs her stage, babyLets have funYou are the one I chooseFolks will kill to fill your shoesYou love the lime light to now babySo be mine but don’t waste my timeCryin’, “Oh, honey bear are you still my, my, my baby?”Take me for what I amWho I was meant to beAnd if you give a damnTake me baby or leave me —

I’d be remiss to not do another Tsumugi song, given who I am. So I’m bringing up Opening Night from The Producers for Tsumugi. For her ending disaster and the audience complaints during the PTA segment! I just… really like to think it was a all blamed on her sometimes hahah. Sorry mugi.He’s done it againHe’s done it againMax Bialystock has done it againWe can’t believe itYou can’t conceive itHow’d he achieve it?It’s the worst show in town!We sat there sighingGroaning and cryingThere’s no denyingIt’s the worst show in townOh, we wanted to stand up and hissWe’ve seen shit, but never like this

—

Okay for this one just… hear me out. The Other Side from The Greatest Showman for Oumota. A circus ringleader and a respectable patron of the arts walk into a bar, argue about their reputations a bit, make a deal and talk about living a little. Clowns are even mentioned. I mean come on! Don’t you know that I’m okay with this uptown part I get to play‘Cause I got what I need and I don’t want to take the rideI don’t need to see the other sideSo go and do like you doI’m good to do like meAin’t in a cage, so I don’t need to take the keyOh, damn! Can’t you see I’m doing fineI don’t need to see the other side

Now is this really how you like to spend your days?Whiskey and misery, and parties and plays

If I were mixed up with you, I’d be the talk of the townDisgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns

But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a littleJust let me give you the freedom to dream And it’ll wake you up and cure your achingTake your walls and start ‘em breakingNow that’s a deal that seems worth takingBut I guess I’ll leave that up to you —

Kokichi in ships is always a troublesome thing, as he’s got a lot of issues with himself too, so I think Leave from Once is very Kokichi. Oof. Sorry this one is mostly angst fodder. I can’t wait forever is all that you saidBefore you stood upAnd you won’t disappoint meI can do that myselfBut I’m glad that you’ve comeNow if you don’t mindLeave, leave,And free yourself at the same timeLeave, leave,I don’t understand, you’ve already goneAnd I hope you feel betterNow that it’s outWhat took you so longAnd the truth has a habitOf falling out of your mouthBut now that it’s comeIf you don’t mindLeave, leave,And please yourself at the same time

—

Now for something completely different! Meek Shall Inherit from Little Shop of Horrors for Shuichi! Moral dilemmas, biases and making terrible decisions for the sake of people liking him after his ‘success’ starts building. Oof. Sorry Shuichi, I know Seymour’s not the most moral character but the comparison is there a bit. My future’s startingI’ve got to let itStick with that plantAnd gee my bank account will thriveWhat am I saying?No way, forget itIt’s much too dangerous to keep that plant aliveI take these offersThat means more killingWho knew success would come with messy nasty strings?I sign these contractsThat means I’m willingTo keep on doing bloody, awful, evil things

—

Now for a different ship! My Freeze Ray from Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog for Saimtasu. I think it outlines Shuichi’s anxiety when trying to get close to Kaede pretty well, and also how little he knows about her at the start, but is still cute! With my freeze ray I will stop the worldWith my freeze ray I willFind the time to find the words to

Tell you howHow you makeMake me feelWhat’s the phrase?Like a foolKinda sickSpecial needsAnyways —

One more. This ship’s just one of my comfort ones and of course I’m giving it angst. Stop the World from Come From Away for Saiibo. Specifically at the end of trial 6, where they know everything;s coming down, shuichi and the survivors made their choice, and Kiibo’s going to self destruct, and everything;s going to end, but they all get one more goodbye. Agh Kiibo didn’t need to go then and it makes me sad.  Stop the worldSeize the momentBut the minute he goes you’re alone, and it’s through pinch yourselfTell yourself:“You’re just dreaming, that means he’ll forget about you”

But here we areWhere the continents once crashed togetherBefore they went their separate ways forever, so stop the world

—Sorry for rambling so very LONG anon. Hope you enjoy these, maybe you’ll find a new song today :’D

[kaioumichiru]

extremely personal oh my girl post :)

Very Very Personal!!! And Emotional!!!

tw death suicide disordered eating etc :) 

OMG mean so much to me. It’s hard to think about the past (almost) 4 years with them and not think about everything that’s gone on in my life in that time. I remember so vividly when I first really listened to Cupid, someone very important to me that is no longer in my life shared it with me and of course it was the ONE how could you not hear it and fall in love. I just listened to Oh My Girl (mini) and Gfriend on loop. I remember it so clearly because it was within a week or so of a giant change in my life. I fucked up my legs, was diagnosed as bipolar2 for the first time, and moved out from my parents house. It was the last happy few days for a long time. 

Windy Day was my next like huge moment with them. That same friend was cat sitting nearby and I stayed with her for a lot of it because we were best friends! and life was hard. So many things happened during those few weeks too, I realized a shift in the relationship with the friend and I found out that my dad was going to die. Windy Day inspired me so much as an artist and as a girl (I’m grown but I feel like a girl, u Know? they say 30 is adulthood now), it made me stronger, honestly. Walking from the pet sitting house to my own, going back to the stressful horrible situation there, with dad in a hospital bed in our living room, I had a moment listening to it where it all felt like a dream. Like the way the song moves, the wind moved too, and I felt very strong. Both with Cupid and WD there are so many painful feelings and benchmarks but they still make me so incredibly happy. I’m one of those people who associate things HARD like any other music that reminds me of that friend I’m like GET OUT OF MY FACE! And I basically stopped listening to 1D + E MO TION because after my lovely Cupid week, that’s what I listened to to get me through hell. 

During that time, my 1D Hell Era, I lived away from my family for the first time, in a house with two casual friends who were 5-7 years older than me I think. They had been living there for a couple years and I just felt like a total intruder. I got to the point where I would wait til they left to leave my room to eat or bathe and I tried to be as quiet as possible when they were home. I never fully moved in, leaving some furniture on my old (current) room at home, and it all just felt so awful. I have a lot of substance abuse related trauma and my housemates, while responsible, did a lot of drugs and there was one big party that was just way too much for me to handle. During the Cupid Weeks I had a huge dog walking accident and could barely walk for days and was just starting a new job. I of course could not do much work, got a doctors note and all that, and so work was a huge huge emotional stresser. I was already causing so much trouble being unable to do everythign I was supposed to that I couldn’t do anything wrong and just spent all day fantasizing about killing myself. Some more personal shit I won’t tell a soul too but it was just such a nightmare. I really think I fucked up my body from not eating much then and taking so many painkillers for my leg, now it’s all so much harder than it used to be. In the last month or so of me living there I would spend a lot of time at my family’s home in my old room because I was afraid that I would kill myself. I never really felt that way before and have been feeling that again recently for the first time since. I got fired because I didn’t have an updated doctors note and couldn’t do anything. I was so miserable I couldn’t look for a new job seriously and everything required a car or lifting heavy things. I was totally paralyzed and so I had to go home. I have not had a real job since. I think this was the worst period of my life and I have had some pretty bad periods. 

So All That to say that when Jine had her whole thing I felt, of course awful. She is the most funny, cute, charming person and seeing her live her dream of being an idol was so lovely!! I still love her a lot, I know a lot of keuris want to let her be but she was “JinE” and I will always cherish JinE while supporting Hyejin. ANYWAY!!! Mental illness is bad. Duh. I can’t work, I quit school, I lost friends and don’t do the things that matter to me nearly as much as I want, need, am supposed to do and I hate myself for it. Everyone has problems and they still work and support themselves and their families, why can’t I just get it together? Why am I so weak and lazy and shitty? Obviously I don’t really believe that, because I would never say that about another person, but I can’t help but feel it every day constantly. Jine is like a pillar or beacon or something to me like, I love her and stand by what she had to do for herself and her health. People who said mean things about her or the other members, that they were moving on without her or didn’t care about her or whatever made me so angry because that’s not how it works. But why is it that I can’t feel so strongly about myself as I do about Jine? Though it’s so awful to know she’s gone through this kind of thing, it’s really uplifting? something? to know that she’s living the life that she needs to live, that she quit her job because it wasn’t safe for her, and that’s most important. A bit after dad died our fridge stopped working right around Coloring Book and oh my god everything was so STRESSFUL. It feels like everything just always gets worse! But when we were finally able to replace it and mom and I were cleaning behind the broken one, I found a little toy dolphin in bright pink. I cried a lot after finding her because Duhhhh,,, it became my good luck charm and a reminder to love and support myself as I love Shin Hyejin. To do that 10x more. 

Though I’m struggling a lot, there haven’t really been any huge changes or impactful moments as there were in the first half of Oh My Girl and Shoutout The Universe. But I got to see them this year, finally, and that was its own pivotal moment. A lot of firsts, a lot of feelings, a lot of me being a grown ass person sobbing to the point where the members noticed lol. Seeing them was one of the happiest moments of my life. Maybe next year I’ll share about one of the important aspects of that! But those are the big moments that OMG have intertwined with my own life. 

I’m so tired now after this oh my god I just saw hyejin’s instagram translation... hrggghhhhh 

BUT!!! AS IDOLS!!! AS AN IDOL FAN!!!! I love them so much for who they are, what OMG is. They’re so talented and impressive. In their first year so many people were like THE RAPPER IS GOOD ?????? and loved the song and now I see so many people love them in the way I love them and it warms my heart so much.. Seunghee is in my opinion, and i am a genius anel from heaven, the best idol singer out there. Her range and power and emotion are so stunning and I’m so excited for her to get the love she’s always deserved. Their performances are so good, they put so much into it always. Ok one concert anecdote. At the aformentioned weeping like an idiot I was doing at the concert, Yooa noticed and did a lil (cry cry) move and obvs it’s just a little thing but immediately after that portion of the show she left because she wasn’t feeling well. She had to skip out on most of the goodbye part and didn’t do the fanmeet but she still put everything into her performance and everything into the fans. I just love her and all of them so much!!!!! It’s been such a nice journey with them, to see them grow so much and to grow alongside them. I thought that my time having that kind of relationship with idols was over, it just belonged to shinee and IU, but looking back at all this horrible shit, I see that OMG is that for me now! Arin’s so grown up and stunning elegant talented and Hyojung graduated college!! I was just going to gush about how good they are as idols but I’m kind of still stuck on the past 4 years and what they’ve done for me.. I’m excited for the next 4. 

If you read this, thank you very much. It lost me but its 7am and I haven’t slept so wvr. If you’ve known me in the past 4 years thank you and if you’ve felt something good for oh my girl thank you!!!! 

[vronnica]

‹ ･ ｡ ☾  [ blackpink vc ] hey boys. soz for missing plotting hour and opening… my bf wanted a cheese and wine night, so y’all know i was knocked af for like 12+ hrs. but now i am back and ready for action ! HENNYWAYS,,, i’m acacia ( she/her ), i’m twenty years of age, and i hail from the pst timezone ! i love kpop ( specifically got7 and blackpink. however, my ult bias is vernon from seventeen. if you know, you know. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ), milk tea, and mac and cheese. sooo sorry you’re all trapped in this rp w/ me. but y’all will learn to adore my 3am messages and casual spam on the dash. with that being said, under the cut you’ll find out more about my piece of shit baby angel, ronnie ! if you want ur muse to be friends with the stereotypical rich bitch. keep on readin bbs ;) psa: if you like this then you’re obligated to plot with me srry but i don’t make the rules. ( i’m jk please like this or i’ll cry. ) i’ll either slide in your IMs or you can contact me on discord @ mlilk#3162

jennie kim & cisfemale • hey, isn’t that veronica moon? she is that twenty-two year old that’s been living in conyers farm for twenty years. did you know her family is worth $18B? no wonder she is so ingenious & haughty. she is known around the estates as the aesthete, after all. 

                                Q U I C K   G U I D E   O F   V E R O N I C A

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                                    H E R   D A I L Y   R O U T I N E

in veronica’s dreams, she is the epitome of a morning person. in reality, she’s a two in the afternoon kind of person. however, her schedule does not allow her to do that. so she does everything possible to transform herself into a morning person. new white rays shine through the window as she lies in her queen sized bed. she lifts up the aqua colored silk eye mask and the warm ball of light filtered through her thin eyelids. it takes her a moment to adjust but eventually her eyes flutter open to reveal the exhaust in her chocolate brown hues. she extends her arm out to her bed side table, grabbing ahold of her phone. she clears out the notifications that do not automatically appeal to her and checks the ones that do. after five minutes of procrastinating, she finally slips out of bed.

ronnie trudges her feet against the hardwood floor, making her way over to her bathroom. with a flick of a switch, the bright light from the crystal chandelier fills up the room. she runs herself a bath. filling the tub with lavender and jasmine bath salts. her le soir silk night slip pools around her feet as she climbs into the warm water. she’s completely and utterly relaxed. the time passes too quickly and she’s back on her feet. she wraps the fluffy white towel around her small frame and walks into her closet. winter, her favorite time of the year. she picks out a classic veronica moon outfit. a light orange and black tartan patterned dress paired with her wool cashmere burberry coat. and with a single spritz of her chanel no.5 onto her chest, she’s ready for the day.

                                              B A C K S T O R Y

moon jisung, ( chairman and co-owner of urban place resorts / hotels ) met vanessa ross ( retired model, turned fashion designer ) back in 1995 at one of vanessa’s casting calls. that, of course, was being held at urban place’s gangnam location. it definitely was not love at first sight. vanessa’s serious aura made jisung think she was a lawyer. jisung’s spazzy persona had vanessa thinking, “ this man is the chairman ? ” their relationship remained business. until one day jisung accidentally texted the designer one letter, “ q. ” from there, the relationship blossomed.

october 29, 1996, veronica moon was born, the moon family was complete, and they’re absolutely perfect. two years after she was born, jisung and vanessa decided to make a permanent home in conyers farm. therefore, veronica grew up in a really nice household. nice cars, designer clothes, and every day was a vacation. she was constantly spoiled. always given whatever she wants, whenever she wants. and of course, she’s used to getting her way all the time. ultimately making her: bad and boujee. her family is loaded. ( duh every1′s is. ) and she’s always been surrounded by lots of love and luxury.

being the only child, ronnie never had any consequences. in school, she became sort of a bully. she was very ruthless and cold. she had that, “i’ll do anything to get where i need to be,” personality. and if it meant paying someone to transfer the other student threatening her valedictorian spot, then yes, of course she’d do that. people either hated her or loved her. there was no in between. she kept her clique small. ( yes, a clique, which indeed was very exclusive. invite only. think of regina george or blair waldorf. ) she ran her school and she liked to keep it that way. 

once she graduated she became more of an adult about things. but, old habits die hard. therefore, some of those traits she developed in school still linger with her til this day. just a little more filtered. ( truly, just a tad bit. ) she got accepted into almost every ivy league college. her mother gave her the option to just pass on college. her father on the other hand, encouraged her to go to school to have the major under her belt. ultimately, she decided to go to yale and major in art history. ( she chose yale because it was only a little over an hour away from conyers. ) though, now, most of her classes are being completed online.

present time: veronica is currently taking a semester off school to really think about what she wants to do after she graduates. at the moment, she spends a majority of her time working on her art. growing up she always had an artistic eye. vanessa ( being a fashion designer ) taught her all the techniques when it came to drawing for fashion. though eventually, veronica steered away from the clothing industry and found herself drawing more intricate works of art.

                                           P E R S O N A L I T Y

too long; didn’t read: an angel with a halo unbalanced with horns, not a devil but not a saint either ?? kind yet has a backbone. softer than what she seems like. humorous and witty though understanding. mistrusting but willing to let loyalty speak. wealthy but tries not to depend on her family. stays away from the king glitterati lifestyle and fronts as if she’s just a normal gal livin’ in conyers etcetc.

she has that tell it like it is personality. she just calls it likes she sees it. even if she’s not exactly right. she’s literally drowning in her riches. making her materialistic af. some people might think she’s that dumb bimbo rich bitch. but she’s actually very VERY smart. witty and intelligent to be exact. 

super particular when it comes to most things. ( high maintenance queen. ) she wants things done correctly. so she often runs by the quote, “ if you want things right you gotta do it yourself. ” she absolutely despises like relying on others to get things done when she knows she could do it faster and better. a little bit of a ocd queen. 

her instagram = her job. it’s filled with ootds, selfies, food pics. but most importantly: her art. it’s the platform she uses to show people she isn’t just a pretty rich girl. she has talent. ( *insert "the kardashian's have no talent" - proven wrong in 7 minutes vid.* ) 

she’s very dedicated to her work, thus making her very goal oriented. she’s very creative and she’s actually a very good artist. she’s one of those people that set their mind to something and goes through with it until the end. i’m sure she picked up doodling and bullet journaling while growing up. *plays boss ass bitch vine.*

too long; didn’t read pt. 2: she’s slowly growing out of her tough head of hair and morphing into a young woman so beautiful over the years, but also at times, terrifying ?? self destructive ?? even if she’ll never let anyone see her deteriorate her insides sigh. she’s a hot mess. but she tries her best to hide that shit. yeye sweg.

                                            R E L A T I O N S H I P S

FRIENDSHIPS: she has plenty of friends, at least in her head. in reality, she just knows a lot of people through her many connections. so she has many affiliations. but never real friends. she’s very particular with the people she associates herself with. she believes that those around you reflect who you are as a person as well. therefore, she only surrounds herself with the best of the best. she may not be the best person to tell your secrets too either because she’s quite the gossip queen. but she can probably persuade you to trust her. rip. however, if you are a close friend of her’s, she’s very loyal to those who are loyal to her. which means she’d never do you dirty. but that’s only if she really cares about you. she’s a really great listener and she’s willing to give advice to those are willing to take it. plus, she’s the type to spoil the people she loves. so expect the best christmas gifts ever if u rollin’ with her. 

honestly, she really does need to surround herself with good people with genuinely good intentions. so please, someone teach her what loyalty is. 

bonus points if they’ve been friends for awhile. displays loyalty.

ENEMIES: she was bully in high school. so you know this girl has more than enough enemies ( and haters. ) she uses people, she pushes people around, etc etc. like she has some very evil intentions. she’s vengeful and irrational. she puts fuel to drama and loves to see people crash and burn. why ? she wants that reassurance that she is flourishing above all. she never wants to be belittled and will do anything to remain on the very top. however,,, ronnie does have some good intentions. she leans more to the chaotic neutral side. ( maybe tilted a bit more towards evil, but still. ) deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeeeep down the girl is trust issue central when it comes to letting people in. she can’t help it. she’s like that one rihanna meme, them: you can’t just cut people off. ronnie: *holds a pair of scissors* she doesn’t have problem with letting people go. so people think she’s a bitch because, “how could you just drop our five year long friendship like that.” and she’d just shrug. but really, she’s hurting beyond repair and will go home crying while eating a thing of ben & jerry’s chunky monkey.

there’s always that possibility where a friendship just didn’t work out. maybe they just stopped having time for each other and now it’s just mad awk. whatever it is, an enemy would b beaut.

veronica absolutely needs enemies. give her many. plenty. an abundance please.

LOVERS: i have a feeling she’s dabbled in the dating world. she’s had a few boyfriends, dates, etc. but most likely nothing LONG TERM. possibly because she doesn’t see the point unless it’s for marriage. just like her mom and dad. she has this [ beyoncé vc ] independent woman facade going on right now. which makes her seem like she doesn’t want anyone. but she’s secretly a hopeless romantic. this girl would love to be loved. and she truly needs it. she’s probably read tons of books about love and fluffy shit like that. it’d be a hard mission to win this girl over. but not impossible. she just has high expectations when it comes to relationships. so someone rlly needs to come here and treat this girl right. 

100% dabbles in the quick hook ups for the sake of fulfilling those needs. 

though, if the right person were to come along… she’d be loyal to them, completely devoted to just them.

CONGRATULATIONS ! you made it to end ! if you read all of this… i love you. i only ever write so much bc… it gets me in character lmao. also, i wrote all of this literally the moment i woke up so pls excuse any mistakes. i would really love to plot with everyone. so just slide into my IMs and we can get things started !! luv u *blows a kiss*

[fictional-guns]

Edmund Pevensie Imagine AU

There’s a place for us, and I promis you someday we will come to this place

Sorry for any mistakes English is not my first language :/ Warnings: angst, fluff, sadness I am out of the clinic, I had made a withdrawal. And it was now different but I couldn't say if it was better than before the only thing of which I am dependet was cigarettes, but this was not really a drug... The only good thing in my life was Edmund. We was in a relationship while my drug phase and he didn't left me. He was the only thing that keeps me from falling apart. He was o much understanding, lovely and just. Sometimes it felt like he would try to change the world for me or the time would hold still when he was with me. Now we wanted met and I went through the streets always with a glowing cigarette between my fingers. And my mobile in the other hand. I pushed the button fo a memo:"Hey I am on my way so it will not take long. I am not in the mood for waiting, darling." I laughed a bit at the end. Than e text message came from him:"You are never in the mood to wait xD Where are you, or how much time I have. I stand here in my pajamas and my coffee :o." I just shooked my head and made another memo for him:"So in 5 minutes I am there. You have to hurry up. And it is 12 pm why are you still in your pajama?" It didn't took long and my cigarette was now a stub on the ground. And now I get from him a voice message:"Because I just got up a few minutes ago. And 5 minutes...why you hate me so much? Because she know how  to educate an Edmund" I could hear his raspy morning voice and his sister Lucy. They both lived together in a flat. So now that I had both hands free I write to him:"Good I wait but hurry up and no you don't need to eat, we can go in a Café when you are ready xD " So now I waited before the house and looked up to the window where I could see Lucy. She waved at me and I waved back. The time I wait I put another cigartte into my mouth. I know Edmund doesn't liked it but this time it was only cigarettes. He didn't smoke just in stressful situations when he thinks he made something wrong. When my cigratte was burnt out I threw it away and in the same moment Edmund came down the stairs and opened the door. Happy I smiled at him and when he arrived at me, he stand close in front of me ready to gave me a kiss. So I came closer with my lips and gave him a short kiss on his lips that tasted like coffee. "So what are we doing? Expect for go in a café." I asked and tangled his hand in mine while we walked to the café. "I don't know maybe we could went into the library or just hang around and watch something." he said no idea what we could do. "And what is when we would go to a party. It's one by my friend Jim?" I suggested but I knew too good that he wasn't the party guy. "We will see. Without something in my stomach I can't think." he laughed and entered the café when we arrived there. "So for you eggs, bacon, toast, baked beans and water? And for the young lady just a coffee?" she asked and I nodded. "Huh coffee and cigarettes best breakfast for me. When you have no time..." I sighed. ""You smoke more than before, but I think this will be going more less?" he asked while he eat his moutain of food. "I think so. At the moment it's a bit difficult." I meant short, because I hated this topic. But it was clear that it came up, he was careful and didn't ask me after this for weeks after withdrawal. "And you think a party would be good by Jim. Sorry to say this but wasn't he the guy who gave you this shit before...?" Edmund said with a questionating tune. "No Jim was the guy who is helping me. He makes sure that the other ones will never see me again." I meant a bit angry that he thought Jim would be one of the bad guys. "Oh sorry, really it wasn't my attention to make you angry." he apologized. I calmed down and nodded. But you could see the skeptisim in his eyes. "What?" I asked now waited that he will get ready so that I can go outside. "It's just the thing... I don't think that you are ready for a party like this. I know and please don't understand me wrong it's difficult for you you said by yourself. And I don't want that anything bad happen." he finally spoke out. My face felt like it would crumble into pieces. "Do you really think I wouldn't have me under control? It's months ago since I take some bullshit. And you don't believe me..." I criticized him. "No, (Y/N). Please wait!" I heard him yell after me. I jumped out of my seat and went outside. My steps were fast and I wanted to go home. "Please listen to me. Just wait a second!" he meant when he was behind me and truned my body to his. "Listen to you? So you can tell me I am just a helpless girl that can't do anything alone?" I meant but I didn't yell. I hated yelling and screaming. "I am just worried. You didn't spoke about since you are out. You had forbidden me to visit you there. I just won't that something happened so that you have a reason to start it again." Edmund explained and looked down to you. "I always have a reason to start it again, Edmund. I don't care if anything happen, that is not the point why you start those things. And I don't want you to visit me because I was terrible, and weak. I didn't want that you saw me like this, do you understand?" I told him and maybe now he could understand me. "What's was the reason for you?" he asked and his eyes stared deep in mine. Edmund wanted to help me, wanted that I am happy. He always wanted to fight those things that burden me. "The reason to start is that you just live in this fucking world. And the knowlege that you never can leave this place, no matter where you go. You always stay here." was the last thing I said to him before I went home... I know it was not lovely to let him back but when you decide to take life like it is without anything that bring you in another view of the whole thing you just wanted to avoid it, at least for the first time. When I was in my flat I looked at my mobile. Edmund didn't text me but his sister: "What happened? I thouht you both wanted to do something? :O" My answere was:"Yeah we wanted, 'til your brother ruined my mood..." I put it back in my pocket and didn't know what I should do, In the past I always take some shit at this moment but this wasn't the past anymore. I don't wanted to take ectasy or cocain again. Yeah it made my world I live in better but I have to live here like everybody else... I felt broken like the whole time when he wasn't with me. My hands were weak I couldn't hold a cigaratte between them without shaking. So I just sat down on the couch and smoked without music or TV it was just quiet and the atmosphere was sad and hopeless. I knew I had something under my bed, it was the rest cocain I had bought before I stopped drugs. But when I take it the whole thing was senseless. And it cost me so much work. It was the moment when I only wished to be where somewhere else with Edmund. A world that isn't cruel like this, where there is just and bright. I noticed how my eyes were going to be wet and a tear rolled down my cheek. But then then I noticed that I got a message. I put my mobile out and laid in on the table in front of me. It was Edmund. "(Y/N), I can understand that you are angry but please answere me." At the moment I was too burried in myself to answere him. So he started to spam me. "(Y/N). Please..." "Ok it was not good that I ask but answere me, I am worried." " Please don't do someting stupid." Than he called me and my mobile vibrated. I didn't picked up the call and let it vibrate. Edmund does this 5 times... I went to my room and took the little packet under the bed. My hands shaked and I laid it on the small table next to my bed.... Meanwhile by Edmund: He called her 5 times and nobody answered him, and his messages she ignored. He was so worried about her, he knew that she was a broken soul, that she went through so much things. But what he understand how she felt. The difference was Edmund knew there was another world that was better and prettier, more real for him. He always thought she would love Narnia, when she was there she wouldn't went back, (Y/N) would stay there and she would be happy. Edmund decided to walk to her although it had start raining. His thoughts made him sick and he walked just in shirt and jeans through the streets. When he was there he didn't ring the bell, Edmund was clear that she wouldn't open. So he ringed another bell and explained that he just had to be in the stairwell to come to (Y/N). When he ran up the stairs and stood in front of her door. The door that seperated him from his love. His broken love that sit in there. "(Y/N)." he yelled through the door. "I know you are in there. Please just open the door. I am not here to criticize you." I knocked with his flat hand on the wood. "I know you don't want to talk, you don't want anyone around you at the moment. But I am worried and I am here because I need you. Would you do anything that would hurt you in some way. I don't know if it would be my fault. I love you, I love you so much. And I know it is difficult, more than anything else to live in this world but let me come in. I will try to make everything ok, no matter how much it is." Edmund told her through the door but nothing happened. His head leaned against the white door and his armes supported him. "I am here, I want help you, I always wanted, but believe me I don't think that you are have nothing under control. You are part of my family, part of my heart. And that means you are not weak, you are inspiring me for your strengh. You never denied who you are, you was always honest. Open the door please..." he speaked to her and he could hear how someone came to the door. "(Y/N)?" Edmun asked. "I don't want to let you in...It would break my heart to see you now." she said with a slightly crying voice although she doesn't wanted to cry. "This what you said, sounded so lovely, so good. But this is not the truth...I am not strong, just a coward that running away from life." she said to him. "Let me in." he said again. "No." (Y/N) only meant. (Y/N) wanted that he came in but for her it was to difficult to open the door. "I am here for you, you know I will come in. And I don't care how, and when I have to break in, I just want to be with you." Edmund said. And then he heard how the steps went away. "(Y/N)?" he shouted after her in a worried tune. he hit loud against the door and and slipped down where he sat on the ground. She would fit Narnia so well, she was stubborn perfect for any enemies, she was strong perfect for the realm, she was just herself perfect for this world... And there she wouldn't have a reason to take drugs. Edmund thought with his head between his hands. After long minutes he heard the door from the other side but he didn't look up until a old voice from a old lady spoke to him:"Young man?" Edmund just looked at her. "I have heard you. I don't know what the problem is but when you really so worried and afraid that (Y/N) do something stupid. Take the key, she gave it to me for any emergencies, and I think this is one." the old lady explained and with her shaking hand she gave him the key. He stand up and thanked her, he was so glad that she appeared... He unlocked the door and stormed in, the door behind him, he just shut with a loud noise. He find her in her room. Kneeling in front of the small table next to her bed. Edmund stepped into the room and she looked up. Disappointed from herself that she thought about if she sould take the cocain that laid in a line on the table. And she sat there a long time and thought about it. Edmund came to her and kneeled next to her his hands touched her face what he truned to his. His forehead touched hers and she was glad that he was there. "I am so sorry."  she breathed. "There is a place for us. And believe me when I say this. This place is called Narnia, and I promise you, someday we wil go into this place." he spoke. (Y/N) was confused:"Are you the one who take drugs now?" she asked, not in her sassy tune more in her astonished. "No, this is the truth. I was there, my siblings was there. I promise you this we will came to this world someday, and there you will be happy. We can be the kings and queens of anything that we believe. And I don't talk bullshit, this is real, a real world. Are you believing me?" he asked her. She discovered his absolute conviction about this, it was like he was never been so right with something so she believed him. Edmund know more than anybody she knows, he wouldn't lie to her, he wouldn't talk senseless things if they weren't not true. Not to her, not in this moment. (Y/N) nodded and closed her eyes when his nose touched hers. For this moment they stayed like this just to realize that everything was ok now. "I love you so damn much." (Y/N) whispered and kissed him softly on his lips. This kiss was more intense than any other. He made her feel like she would be in the world he talked about. Edmund was everything she needed. And this kiss gave her hope to get someday in this land. After this kiss they stand up and she hugged him tight. He gave her a kiss on her forhead. "Edmund?" she asked him with a quite voice. "Yeah?" he answered. "Can you take it with you? Do whatever you want to do with it... burn it, put in the garbage, gave it to someone else, throw into a lake...I don't care but take it with you and made it disappear." she asked him that favor and of course he nodded. The last thing what happened this day that they end up in bed and cuddled together he hold her tight her hand was always tangled in his...

[diary-of-a-closet-writer]

holding onto hope that I would be wild enough

Lost track of time. & I forgot how comforting it is to purge my thoughts on an open forum. Here I go.

It’s been a long while. 1 year, 5 months and 2 days to be exact. A lot has changed - more for the better than worse. 

H E A L T H. I’ve been on this fitness journey for a while now. I started back in 2015. Three years ago. Wow. I can’t even believe how long it’s been. I’ve had ups and downs. Many slip-ups and distractions. Yet, I still love it all. Every time I hit a PR, conquer a new lift, improve my time week over week, add more weight, feel #strongAF. It never gets old. I’m still addicted. I don’t think it will ever go away. Definitely a huge part of my life. I guess this year, I finally realized how important it is to allow life to get in the way. It’s not a bad thing. It happens. And I should never be frustrated or angry at myself when I choose to live life at the expense of fitness. Cause, lets be real. I’m always drawn back. Every day I have to work toward finding balance. Not going to lie, the struggle is there. But it’s getting better. I’m proud of that. 

C A R E E R. New job this year. Some days I still can’t believe I left a company I grew up at for 5 years. I’m almost a year into my new job, and I find myself in disbelief. I tend to give off all this confidence and ego when it comes to work. I always loved being the know-it. The best performer. Exceed Expectations. The A-student. But it really aches my heart when I look back at 2018 and see all that I’ve done in my new role. How much I accomplished. How much I made an impact. I get emotional - in a good way. Cause, honestly, part of me was scared. Fear of failure. Fear that I wasn’t good enough. Fear that I was in over my head. But here I am, exactly 11 months later and I’m just... killing it. And i’m not ashamed or embarrassed to brag about. It was a hard feat, but I did it. And there is no greater feeling than exceeding your own expectations. 

D O  Y O U. It took 27 years, but I finally realized what it’s like to allow myself to make certain choices in my life without giving a shit about what people think. I took action because I wanted to. Because I wanted to experience... fun. To be carefree. To feel... satisfied. To feel deserving. To feel wanted. I did it because I owed it to myself. For most of life, I walked a fine line of who I should be and who I really am. I never wanted to misstep. I wanted to be... perfect. That doesn’t make sense to me anymore. Being perfect is subjective. Everyone’s version of perfect is different. And I was sick of trying to the objective version of perfect. But who the fuck cares. No one! No one is watching me. No one is judging me. I woke the hell up and accepted that the only person judging me was myself. So I stopped. I stopped being so damn hard myself because I deserve to have the things I desire, judgement free. In turn, I stopped all trying to convince people what was right and what was wrong. Everyone has a certain set of choices in every situation and what they choose should never be judged by anyone who doesn’t know all the choices. 

T R A V E L. I was fortunate enough to see many new places this year. Sometimes I laugh at how lucky I am because I just find it so un-fucking-believeable. Beijing & Japan. Gosh... Both trips are going to stay with me for a long time. It was the first time I went solo. Did all that I wanted to on my own time. It was... truly magical. Yet, even after explore a new part of the world alone - I have a stronger urge to share it with someone. It has nothing to do with whether I enjoyed myself because I absolutely did. I just realized that there is so much I want to see and experience in the world & how much I want to share all that with someone. Perhaps all the soul-searching led me to wanting more than just me.

R E L A T I O N S H I P. It could be because I’m getting older. Possibly because it’s the holidays. Maybe its the feeling of being around family. Whatever it is. I want it. I want... a Partner. I want the fucking butterflies. Smitten facial expressions. Skipped heartbeats. Nervous knots in the gut. Tingle of a touch. Passionate sex. Uncontrollable laughter. Endless conversations. Shared aspirations. Plans for the future. Pure love. A family to call our own. It’s crazy to feel all this because I never wanted needed it. There is a difference of wanting and needing. It’s true, I don’t need a partner and endure all those things. But... I want it. I think deep down I always wanted it. I spent the last 7 years of my life trying so hard to act like I didn’t want, but truly I just didn’t need it. But not needing it never stopped me from wanting it. So here I am, 7 years later wanting badly. I’m not sure what changed. Perhaps I’m more willing to share my life. My time. Share the world I worked so hard to create. I want someone to fit. So... here I am. Wandering aimlessly. Searching for the missing other piece that I fit into. That I belong to. 

F A M I L Y. We lost a dear member of our family this year. Someone I took for granted during my adolescence. There isn’t much I regret in my life, but I really do regret the lost time I could have had. Through tragedy, we grew stronger as a family. And I’m grateful for that. I don’t know if I ever had this feeling before, but I just think we are in a good place together. All of us. As a family. We have so much to be thankful for - even after all the hardships we individually went through this year. We all came out the other end, scarred but stronger than ever. I hope it stays like this for a good while any. Perhaps we are all getting older and we just know that the years together mean so much more now. Whatever it is, I don’t want the feeling to go away. 

N E X T. Geez. I have no fucking idea. I try really hard not to have expectations because I’m the type to get seriously disappointed. I just hope for... unexpected madness. Because for some damn reason, the more drama, more action, more challenges, more pain, frustration, anger, heartbreak... all of it just makes a bigger impact. Change. That’s all I ask for. I’m ready for change. The one thing I just can’t stand, is being stagnant. 

xxKC

I only wanted you 'cause I couldn't have you Now that I know That wasn't love, that was just hope Always another bender, I lose control I thought I'd get it back when You came back home to me, darling But I never had it, did I? Your heart's a trick And all the magic we felt was just a hit

To your major I'm minor Breaking every single chord you play I'm sweet wine but You want whiskey And I just wish I could be strong enough

Still a faded Polaroid But I can't be something that I have never been

If I was dancing on the tables Buying rounds 'til the dawn Is that wild enough for you? Talking dirty in the bedroom Be the one to start a fight Would that be wild enough for you?

[repulseddoll]

rant // tw: drugs, alcohol, abuse

so like if you smoke pot im not gonna judge like you do you babe but like it’s not my thing. addiction runs in my family and my one cousin like never stops smoking. and my grandfather was addicted to other drugs, my aunt died of drugs and alcohol 7/25/16, my dad pops pills. my other aunt was an alcoholic. another aunt of mine was on pills until she got pregnant (now my cousin is 1yr2mths) idk just the whole addiction thing freaks me out. (whether or not you believe pot is a gateway drug, isn’t addictive- w/e it triggers me) drugs in general trigger me. my dad was/is not only abusive, but he chose drugs over me too. ive never known the man a day in his life w/out drugs. he went to rehab when i was little but his friend told my mom a week later he was still popping pills. had 5 different doctors prescribing stuff. ok so now im gonna get to the main reason why im posting about this so like ive been posting about how my exbf/fp has been coming to my house at like 12-1 am and spending time with me til like almost 4am in his car. and he had bought pot a week or so ago for shits and giggles and like he was supposed to come over this past sun-mon but like started to ignore me. which upset me and resulted in a mental breakdown and self harm. and then i saw he posted on sc at 2am when i woke up which made me even more upset. i saw him last night and he said he got paper for it and smoked it that sunday so nOW I KNOW HE WAS IGNORING ME FOR DRUGS. just like my dad!!!!!!!!! i had a mental breakdown in his car. total split. crying and yelling. not necessarily at him but i already was due for one and im the most expressive around him bc he feels like home. i even almost called a mental hospital to ask if they took my insurance bc i rly didn’t trust myself in my own hands. i was literally one tap away but i didn’t wanna call at 3am. and idk i told him i was disappointed and i told him how i felt. it’s not one of those feelings in bpd where like you have the feeling and then get over the thoughts. like im still upset about it (or is that normal¿) .. i just can’t shake the fact that he ignored me for fucking pot. its literally the first time he had ever done anything and im all about experience but it’s not the point. my dad did the same thing and i felt like this then and im just reconnecting scary feelings to my inner child and it’s so so painful. it makes me want to die like i truly don’t know if i will ever forgive him and it sounds so stupid but this is coming from a comorbid point of view. i also want him to be okay and safe and i want his organs to be pretty. and the thing is. him getting fucked up makes me want to get fucked up and make him feel guilty. and to make myself suffer mostly. everything is scary and changing and i don’t want to be alive for it anymore

4:49 pm: FUCKING UPDATE GUYS I CHECKED HIS IG MESSAGES BC IM THAT PERSON AND HE LIED TO ME ABOUT PLANS FRIDAY AND HES GONNA GO SMOKE AGAIN I MESSAGED HIM AND TOLD HIM TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME IF HES GONNA ASSOCIATE HIMSELF IN THIS FASHION I WANT TO DIE I CALLED HIM AND HE SAID HOLD ON A SEC IM GOING TO KILL HIM 5:54: we've been on the phone fighting and arguing but things are coming out of it idk we may see each other again tonight apparently he was just agreeing out of peer pressure or that's what i got out of what he was saying but he's going to the movies with his friend tmro so (: better than smoking ig