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samwisethewitch · 5 years ago

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How to Find Good Witchcraft Books (Baby Witch Bootcamp Ch. 4)

This post is loosely based on the fourth episode of my Baby Witch Bootcamp series on YouTube. In that video, I recommended some of my personal favorite books on witchcraft and spirituality. But, after some thought, I decided it would be more helpful to give y’all some guidelines for how to find worthy resources for yourself.

After all, your interests may be different from mine, and the books that have shaped my magical practice may not interest you at all. But the standards for a good, trustworthy resource are constant, so that’s what I’ll be addressing here.

Research the author’s reputation and credentials.

There is no “university of witchcraft,” so sometimes the only credential an author can have is being a lifelong practitioner. However, some magical traditions do require initiation and/or have a more formal structure. For example, Reiki (which is not technically magic, but many witches still have an interest in it) cannot be learned from a book — it can only be passed down by a Reiki Master. If you’re reading a book about Reiki, the author should specify which Reiki lineage they were initiated and certified through. (Even then, reading their book does not mean you are initiated!)

Likewise, if someone claims to be a member of the clergy, whether a Christian reverend or a pagan high priestess, look into how they got that title. What religious group are they associated with? Did they attend seminary or some other form of training? Were they ordained? If an author does not have this information readily available (such as in the “About the Author” section of their book), be skeptical of their claims to religious authority.

Even though not all authors who write about witchcraft will have been initiated into a formal tradition or will be ordained clergy (and not all of them need to be!) most authors will have a reputation of some kind. The best way to figure out if an author is legit is to see what experienced witches think of their books.

Try Googling “[author’s name] + controversy” or “[author’s name] + scandal” to see what comes up. Have they been called out for spreading misinformation or for problematic behavior in the past? For example, Googling “Silver Ravenwolf controversy” will bring up several articles about bad information in that author’s books.

It’s also a good idea to look that author up on social media — both their own profiles, and the tags associated with their work. Is there anything on the author’s Instagram or Twitter that seems like a red flag? What are other social media users saying about their work? Some authors will even have a blog, so you can read some of their writing for free before deciding to buy a book.

Even if an author’s books aren’t super popular, you can still read reviews and check out the author’s social media. This doesn’t always weed out bad resources, but it is a good first step.

Just because a book is popular doesn’t mean it’s a good resource.

See my previous note about Silver Ravenwolf. There are a lot of very popular books and authors that many witches will tell you are hot garbage. There are also a lot of very shallow, surface-level “Witchcraft 101”-type books that are popular because of a good marketing campaign, an Instagram-worthy cover, or some other superficial factor, but contain very little actual hands-on instruction.

(Note: There’s nothing wrong with Witchcraft 101 books, and in fact I recommend starting with more “beginner-friendly” books until you figure out what aspects of witchcraft you want to focus on. But just because a book is for beginners doesn’t mean it can’t have depth to it.)

I’m not saying don’t read popular books — some things are popular because they are genuinely good. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t buy a book only because it’s popular.

Look for a well-rounded “Resources” section.

If you want to know if a book is worth your time, flip to the back and look for the “Resources,” “Bibliography,” or “Further Reading” section. In a well-researched book, this section will be several pages long. (Obviously, if the book is especially short and/or only covers a single topic, the Resources section may be shorter, but it will still be there.) In a really well-researched book, it will include sources written by non-witch, non-pagan authors like historians, scientists, and psychologists.

If you’re reading a book about mythology or paganism, the Resources section should contain some primary sources (or as close to primary sources as possible). For example, Morgan Daimler’s book Odin: Meeting the Norse All-Father, lists multiple English translations of the Poetic Edda in its bibliography. A good book about Wicca will reference the writings of Gerald Gardner, the founder of modern Wicca, and probably also Aleister Crowley, even if the author does not agree with their views.

If a book doesn’t list the author’s sources, it’s probably not worth your time. Either the book is poorly researched or the author is intentionally being vague about where they are getting their information. Either way, that book is not a transparent resource and should not be used as a reference.

Avoid authors who use vague phrases like “scientists say ___” or “the old witches knew ___.”

This goes back to being transparent about sources. A lot of writers will use wording like this to give their claims the illusion of authority.

“Scientists” could very well refer to a small group of fringe scientists (or pseudo-scientists) who are not respected by the mainstream scientific community. For example, some “scientists” have voiced support of the anti-vaccination movement, but no respectable medical professional is going to tell parents not to vaccinate their kids. If the author doesn’t say who these “scientists” are, they may as well write “My friend Steve, who once took a high school physics class, says ___” for all the credibility it gives them.

The problem with claims about the “witches of old” is that witchcraft is not and never has been a unified tradition. Witchcraft is a practice which has existed in different forms within many cultures throughout history. Even witches living on the same continent at the same time would have very different practices based on their local environments, religions, ethnic heritages, etc. If the author does not specify which magic tradition they’re referring to, the information is pretty much useless.

Avoid any other vague wording or claims to authority that don’t provide an actual source.

Don’t be afraid to fact-check an author!

Do your own research outside of the witchcraft books you read. If you’re interested in mythology, read books written by historians and archaeologists, not just witches. If you’re interested in energy work, read books by doctors and scientists, not just energy workers. If you’re interested in herbs and plants, study their medicinal as well as magical uses. You get the idea.

If an author says something that sounds weird to you, or that seems to contradict what you’ve read in other books, don’t be afraid to do some research. If it turns out to be bullshit, you probably want to take everything else in that book with a grain of salt.

On a related note: some older books contain incorrect information not because the author was dishonest or misinformed, but because that information was widely accepted as true when the book was written, but was later disproved. For example, many academics used to believe in a unified “cult of the Goddess” spanning the continent of Europe in ancient times. This has now been pretty thoroughly disproved by archaeological evidence, but you’ll still see some older books referencing it.

Hopefully these guidelines give y’all a better idea of how to find books to lean on as you’re developing your craft. Research is a big part of witchcraft and paganism, so finding good resources is very, very important.

#baby witch bootcamp #baby witch #witchcraft #witch #witchblr #witchy #witch books #books #book review #bookworm #bookblr #pagan #paganism #wicca #wiccan #tarot #astrology #my writing #mine

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whentherewerebicycles · 3 years ago

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hi! i wanted to say i love reading your reflections on teaching, and in general i really look up to/am inspired by your thoughts regarding education and academia. if it's not too much to ask (completely understandable if it is, in that case please disregard!) i would love to get your advice on college related things?

i had pretty significant academic struggles throughout grade school, and ended up dropping out of college after a year. i would've graduated this may, so lately i've been considering going back and finishing my bachelor's. but i've been waffling on this decision because of 1) anxiety about having to drop out again, and 2) some confusion about what i actually want to study. i guess i'm wondering, is it worth it to start from scratch? my struggles were mostly about mental health stuff & difficulty keeping up with coursework—i loved being in the classroom, working with professors, learning from other students. i like being challenged intellectually, but if i have issues with followthrough, is there a way to work on that??? i know these are Big Questions, lol--whether they are answerable or not, cheers and thank you and i hope you are doing well these days. <3

hey! happy to give my thoughts, for what they're worth. you know your situation better than i do so the specifics may or may not be relevant, but i can give some advice just based on seeing lots of students pass through four-year programs!

i've worked with a number of students who took time away from college and came back to finish later. i took a year off myself in the middle of college for mental health reasons, though my school allowed you to take a two-semester leave of absence for any reason (so i always had the safety net of knowing i could come back without having to reapply or start over). in my experience, time away is almost always a good thing. sometimes people just really need that break from the stressors of the college environment! but more importantly, i think people benefit from having a few years' experience living and working in the world.

even though it can be intimidating to come back to college as an older student, i think older students or nontraditional students who took time off and came back tend to underestimate how much more confident and assured in themselves they'll be once they're back in the classroom. working out in the world for a while, even if it's not a job that you especially love or feel is relevant to your long-term goals, tends to help you build more trust in your own ability to get stuff done, manage responsibilities, and be an adult person in the world. in your time away, you've probably grown more than you think, and you may find that some of the things you struggled with at 18 just don't feel as daunting anymore. or they might feel daunting, but you also have more experience talking and working with other people, and you may feel more confident in seeking out & using your college's various academic success resources.

have you considered a two-year college as a possible next step? one of my advisees this year was an adult student who went to college for a year, dropped out, served in the military for four years, came back to do an associate's degree, and decided he liked school enough that he wanted to transfer to our university and finish his degree. (now he's going on to do a phd next fall!!!!) he's one of the most passionate advocates for community colleges i've ever met, and he's stayed actively involved in our local CC community & now mentors recent transfer students at our university. he's talked at length about how CCs are this amazing way for students to explore their interests without having to take on the huge price tag of a four-year degree, within a learning community that's much warmer, more responsive to student needs, and more accepting of the diverse paths that lead people to & through higher education. i wonder if you might consider taking a semester or a year of courses at your local CC, to dip your toes back in and see if you're still feeling energized by the experience.

you might find that some of the courses aren't intellectually challenging enough, but this might also be a wonderful opportunity to create the kind of learning experience you want to have. i was a full-time community college student for a year during my year away from yale, and while i'm sure i was just INSUFFERABLE in many ways, i had a prof in my Western Civ course who was really generous with his time/energy and met with me outside of class to help me figure out how to make the papers into something that i found really exciting and challenging to write. so the class kind of became what i made of it, and i got to read some stuff (dostoevsky!!!) that sent me down all kinds of interesting unexpected rabbitholes. the former CC grad i mentioned above was an extraordinarily bright student who would always go to office hours and ask his profs for more recommended readings, and he ended up becoming a TA for one of his courses and helped them redesign basically their entire intro humanities curriculum as a student advisor. so your CC experience can absolutely be what you make of it. and even if your profs can't give you that kind of support, you could practice doing it for yourself, setting little challenges for yourself either focused on the intellectual aspects ('I'm going to read and cite two scholarly sources in this paper, even though it's not required') or on developing strategies for effectively managing the workload ('I'm going to schedule a writing center appointment on Thurs, so I have to finish this paper two days before the deadline—and then I can devote my weekend study time to practicing for my Spanish test').

CC would be a slightly lower stakes environment for you to try out college again— lower-stakes both in the sense that it's cheaper (so if you decide you don't want to continue, you're not out as much money / don't feel compelled to go on to justify the debt you've taken on) and in the sense that the workload might be more manageable for you as you readjust to academic life and build systems & structures that work for you. as you probably have gathered from this blog, i am a HUGE believer in doing lower-stakes things many times over to build your own confidence and your trust in yourself, and then gradually scaling up the difficulty. by the time you reach the hard thing, you've already built up this strong image of yourself as a person who can handle challenges (and you've also had the chance to identify areas where you struggle & experiment with developing workable solutions).

if a two-year college isn't something you're especially interested in, i think it's definitely possible to start a four-year degree again. if that's the path you choose, i would strongly recommend reaching out to students in some of the degree programs you're tentatively interested in. people are almost always happy to share their ~wisdom~ (see: this ask response, lol) and most people love being asked for their thoughts on the pros and cons of something they know well. so you could get an honest sense from students of what the program is like, what the workload is like, and how useful or engaging people find the required courses for the degree. but also know that it's pretty normal to take courses all over in your first year or two (you have the advantage of having done a freshman year before, so you probably know this!), so you might just want to plan to try out a bunch of different things, with the goal of narrowing your focus by the end of your first year, or midway through your second.

i would also HIGHLY recommend spending lots of time familiarizing yourself with the resources your university has to offer. learn everything you can about the kind of mental health counseling and support they offer to students, and see if there are things you can set up in advance for yourself before you even step foot on campus. for instance, our university offers individual counseling, but they also have free groups that meet every week or two around different topics (coping with stress, students in recovery, etc) that are led by a counselor. check out your university's writing center or peer tutoring centers, too, and set up a standing appointment once a month or once a week or whatever, to bring in something you're working on—so that you know that every week, you're going to talk with someone about what's going well and what you're struggling with in your assignments.

you might also want to look into your university's services for students with disabilities office, as they can help you figure out if you are eligible for various kinds of accommodations or additional support (extra time on exams, notetaking services, recorded lectures, etc). i know you mentioned that you've dealt with academic struggles in grade school, too. if you think it's possible that there may be underlying learning differences that are affecting your academic work, it might be worth seeing if they can help you find lower-cost testing, so you can get a diagnosis that qualifies you for additional accommodations and university support.

many schools, esp large public universities, also have resource centers and mentoring programs for students from specific demographics who may benefit from additional structure and support in their early years of college. my university has a variety of resource centers and programs for students from low-income backgrounds, first-gen students, students who transferred from community college, etc. you don't have to take advantage of ALL of these resources, but proactively establishing a support network long before you need it is a really good way to set yourself up for success. and even just doing the research will probably help you feel more confident in your capacity to 'follow through', since you'll know that you're going into this with your eyes wide open AND with a detailed plan for what to do if you run into some of the same obstacles you encountered the first time around.

speaking of detailed plans: i find it helpful sometimes to do IF-THEN exercises with students when they're stressed about something on the horizon or unsure about whether they can handle some new challenge. IF-THEN is just what it sounds like: 'IF this thing I'm nervous about happens, THEN I'm going to do X, Y, or Z.' what i like about this exercise (i use it with myself too aha) is that it acknowledges that sometimes the thing you're dreading DOES happen. sometimes the professor you emailed for an extension says no. sometimes the TA doesn't understand why you're confused about the assignment. sometimes you don't have time to finish the reading before class. sometimes you overschedule yourself and you have to pull an all-nighter to finish two papers on the same night. scary things, confidence-shaking things, happen all the time, but they are rarely fatal! and there can be something really powerful about acknowledging and naming the thing you're concerned about, and then generating a few next steps you could take, should the thing you're dreading come to pass. i could see you doing something like this as you start thinking about the things that tripped you up last time, or made it difficult for you to balance the workload. if X happens, then what could you try next? giving yourself a few options means that you already have backup plans, too, which can make the whole situation less terrifying. if this happens, i might have to try this, or this, or this, and those things might not be the most fun or the easiest to do or the 'best' thing academically, but they'll get me through this difficult moment mostly in one piece, and once i'm through it i can look back on it and learn from it, or adjust the structures i've built for myself moving forward, to reduce the chance that X happens again.

PHEW!!! sorry this got so long but that is just the RISK YOU TAKE when sending me anons 😅 i hope that some of this is helpful to you, or at least sparks some useful thinking for you, even if it's not all directly applicable to your situation. i would say that if you love learning and find being in the classroom exhilarating, then you should absolutely go back to college! but that doesn't mean you have to go back right away, or that you have to go back and do it exactly the same way you did the first time. there are lots of possible paths to higher ed, and there's no particular rush—college will always be there, if it's something you decide you want now or at some future point in your life. i would also just reiterate again one of the core Themes of This Blog, which is that the brain is NEUROPLASTIC, and that humans have a truly astounding amazing capacity to change, grow, and learn new things (including new ways of getting around old obstacles or working through old challenges). just because you struggled the first time doesn't mean you are doomed to repeat that pattern. if you can spend some time thoughtfully reflecting on what you found most difficult to manage the first time through, you are better equipped to make plans, design new structures for yourself, and build the support networks that will help you thrive in college.

#long post #mw #teaching #(kind of)

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i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend · 4 years ago

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Carnival of Hearts (Part 1/6) ~ Bucky x Reader College!AU

A/N: Hello my lovelies! I hope you’re all doing well and staying safe. I’m here with a new series because I have no self control. If you’ve been here for a while then you know this is my typical behavior but if you’re new my apologies. Good news, I do have specific plans on what I’m tackling, so hopefully things will happen soon. But I do have a lot of (good thankfully) things going on in my family life so it’s a bit chaotic.

This is my entry for @buckysknifecollection ‘s 3k Follower Challenge. Congrats on the milestone lovely! Go check out the blog. Personal fave is Hush (a must read if you’re into soft!Biker!Bucky)

Prompt: Our friends set us up on this carnival date but we’re both pining after someone else and this a bit awkward

Summary: When you’re set up on a carnival date with Bucky Barnes NOTHING turns out the way you expected.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language

Word count: 1074

“I have found you the perfect guy,” Nat announced as she flounced into your room.

“Oh joy, oh happy day. I shan’t die unwed,” you deadpanned without looking up from your book.

You squawked indignantly when she flicked your ear and yanked your book away from you.

“What the hell? I was reading.”

“I’m serious,” she huffed. “I had lunch with Wanda today and she mentioned that she has a friend she thinks would be perfect for you, and after scoping him out I have to agree.”

“Wonderful. Can I have my book back now?”

“His name is Bucky,”

“Someone actually named their kid Bucky?”

“It’s a nickname. And he’s a sweetheart,” she continued, ignoring you. “He’s a linguistics major. Minor in creative writing. You’re really gonna like him.”

“I’m sure I would if I were actually going to go out with him.”

“Oh come on. You haven’t been on a date in over a year.”

“Which should have been your first clue that I didn’t want to get set up. I’m enjoying single life. Thanks ever so much.”

You plucked the book from her hands and rolled over onto your back, trying to find your page.

“Sitting here pining over your best friend is not enjoying single life.”

“Number one, I’m lying down. And number two, I’m not pining over you. Though you certainly are a sight for sore eyes.”

You batted your eyelashes at her flirtatiously. She rolled her eyes and took your book again only to swat you with it.

“Cute. You know that’s not which best friend I’m talking about.”

You sighed and sat up, moving back against the headboard, slightly out of reach.

“I’m not pining over Steve either.”

Your arms crossed tightly over your chest weren’t very convincing.

“Y/n, you know I love you and I just want what’s best for you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then just trust me and go on a date with Bucky. He’s exactly what you need.”

You sighed.

“You’re not going to let this go. Are you?”

Her smile was triumphant.

“Nope. And I’ve made it as easy as possible for you. He’s going to be your date to the carnival.”

“But Steve and I are going to the carnival together.”

It was tradition. It was not a date.

Unfortunately.

“Not until after Steve finishes volunteering. This is the deal. You, me, Wanda, and Bucky all meet. If you hate him immediately I’ll let you bail. But otherwise you hang out for a few hours; we’ll all meet up for lunch. And then you can spend the rest of the night with Steve. Deal?”

You mulled it over. It wasn’t the worst deal. Your date would have a set end point if it wasn’t going well. And if it did go well you had a buddy to go on rides with while Steve was working.

“And I promise not to set you up again for a month,” she added.

“For the semester,” you countered.

“Fine. Deal.”

“Deal.”

You shook on it.

“Excellent. I’ll tell Wanda to give him your number.”

“Buck, you home?” Wanda called as she let herself into the apartment.

“In my room,” he shouted back.

Picking up a few stray papers, Wanda stacked them neatly on the coffee table before heading down the hall towards Bucky’s room. He was hunched over, scrawling in a notebook.

“Academic or inspired?” she mused.

“A little of both. I really liked the flash fiction prompt we got in class today.”

“What was it?”

“Everyday romance.”

“What’s your story about?”

She smiled fondly at the shy excitement blossoming on his face.

“It’s kinda weird.”

“I’m sure it’s not.”

“It’s a series of descriptions of everyday items, but the descriptions are the way it’s special. Like: coffee in a novelty mug purchased at gift shop in Hawaii. The brew was set seven minutes ago with two teaspoons of sugar. Just the way he liked it,” he read aloud.

“That’s really sweet. You really do have a way with words.”

Bucky beamed.

“Thanks. So what brings you over?”

She perched on his desk, legs swinging back and forth.

“I have found the perfect girl for you.”

He rolled his eyes before she finished speaking.

“Wanda, I don’t need you to set me up.”

“Buck, you should be out experiencing love instead of only writing about it.”

“I’m just not looking for someone right now.”

“Then how come you went on a shitty date with Dot last weekend?”

“It wasn’t a date. We just went to dinner.”

“On a Saturday night in Little Italy.”

“She just wanted to thank me for my help with her paper.”

She leveled him with her stare.

“You don’t actually believe that do you?”

He silently met her gaze before crumpling.

“Okay, no. So it was a date, but it was enough of a failure for me to not want to do it again any time soon.”

“Or you can go out with the very sweet girl I’ve picked out for you.”

“How do you even know her?”

Wanda smirked, knowing that if he was asking he would likely agree to it.

“I don’t personally. She’s Nat’s best friend.”

Bucky’s brow disappeared into his hairline.

“Mainlines vodka and coffee and still has a 4.0 Nat?”

“Yup. That’s the one.”

“Not exactly my type.”

“Well, she’s the opposite of Nat so that works perfectly.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Why are you forcing this, Wan?”

“Because you deserve to be happy and I can’t watch you go on another shitty date. Although that’s a lot better than pining I suppose.”

“Fine,” he conceded, not wanting to argue that particular point.

He never won that argument.

“Give me her number. I’ll set something up.”

She plucked a card from the front pocket of her purse and handed it to him.

“Here you go. But the date’s already set up. You two are going to the carnival together.”

“That’s in two days.”

“Do you need more time to fix your hair?”

“Wanda,” he growled.

“I’m teasing. Relax. We were going anyway. Look, it’s super low pressure this way. You meet her in the afternoon and if it doesn’t work out, you say goodbye when we meet up for lunch. I will give you a built in out.”

“Promise?”

She smiled warmly at his innocent pout.

“Cross my heart.”

“Alright. Fine.”

“Great. You’re gonna love her. I promise she’s exactly what you need.”

A/N: This one is gonna be fun. Hoping to finish and have it queued to post regularly soon, but wanted to get this part out there. I hope you enjoyed!

Tag list is open (please send an ask)

Bucky/Sebastian Tag List

@waywardpumpkin @sadanddeadsoul @captain-maaarvel @caylast @isaxhorror @run-your-cleverboy @ria132love @mbsgr @hereisanapplepie @pierrxt-uta @thejourneyneverendsx @stevieboyharrington @catsandbooksinafarawayplace @mywinterwolf @andreagf956 @jendz33

Marvel Tag List

@hdthdthdt @sophiatomlinson23 @misty-panther @supermusicallee @scarlettsoldier @acupofhotlatte @slender--spirit @petitesmate @libbymouse

Permanent Tag List

@iamwarrenspeace @jayzayy @bexboo616 @neoqueen306 @santheweird @rowenaravencalw @buckitybarnes @prxttybirdz @sergeantjbuckybarnes @captainsamwlsn @broitsmydick @ailynalonso15 @nyxveracity @queenoftrash97 @walkingtravesty97 @lamia-maizat @memyselfandmaddox @lowkeybuckyb @whiskey2011 @averyrogers83 @lovingpeterparker @buckybarneshairpullingkink @beansparker @coralphantomninja @xxashy999xx @thisismysecrethappyplace @ravennightingaleandavatempus @paintballkid711 @whosmarisaaarw @silverkitten547 @yknott81 @thefridgeismybestie @crispy-kitten @isabelcrichards @greyeyedsmile14 @loving-life-my-way @geeksareunique @rachelsficcollections @captainscanadian @palaiasaurus64 @sea040561

#Bucky x Reader #College!AU #buckysknifecollectionchallenge #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes #Carnival of Hearts

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bellesque · 4 years ago

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hi, again!

i know, it’s been forever! this semester has probably been the busiest and i just got out of its clutches. i’m not completely out of the woods yet though, since i still have internship and thesis for the next year or so, but fingers crossed it’ll be a breather compared to the academic hell that was the past 6 months. i missed you all loads!

i’ll be updating a few things on my blog for now, while writing the next chapter of midnight’s mischief (no idea when that’s going up), catching up on some asks and messages and tracking my tag lists - the notifications piled up in my absence, so if i missed anything, feel free to message me.

oh, also - i can’t believe even if i haven’t been posting, we hit 1k!! thank you so much!! i didn’t anticipate hitting that milestone while i was MIA, but i guess you can’t control life. should i do something to celebrate? let me know your thoughts!

i think i’ve rambled on enough, so i’ll tend to my inbox now :)

#belle babbles #was this my tag? i can't even remember #oh i also turned 22!!! whoa time flies

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study-van · 4 years ago

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Hello everyone!! This blog currently has 10k followers which is a huge number of people and to be frank quite overwhelming. While starting this blog, I never expected to receive this much positivity and support. I’m so glad that I was able to motivate others while documenting my ongoing academic journey!!! So to celebrate this milestone I’ve asked you guys what you wanted and the votes are in but before that I’d like to thank some friends. (This is going to be a long post so I’m sorry)

@jeonchemstudy Thank you so much for being my friend/(lowkey)mentor since we started talking. Whenever something happens I always come talking to you and I’m not even kidding. Can I also mention the fact that we’ve extremely similar tastes and expectations out of life and at first it was kind of weird bc too many similarities but over time I stopped questioning it fjjd Anyways love you so much and thanks for being you.

@serendistudy You were literally one of my first friends one here and I’ve waxed poems about you a couple of times but I just want to say that you’re genuinely one of the nicest people in this community and I’m so glad to know you and call you a friend.

@sosiaalitieteet I will keep it short for you but you’re seriously so funny and outspoken, it’s always a delight to see you on my dash or just talk to you. Please show me more of your OCs, I got invested in them in just one convo. (ps sorry for literally sending you a cat photo in each of our convos)

@myhoneststudyblr We actually followed each other for some time yet our first actual convo was a train wreck and a half and I wouldn’t have it any other way!! You’re seriously so funny and lovely, it’s always so easy to talk to you. Also, you always deliver the best challenges and I really appreciate that!!!

@schrodingered you seriously have the best book recs and I’m so thankful for that!! We’ve been friends for some time on here and I’m really glad to know you and get your insight on anything. I know most of the time you don’t feel like it but you actually have qualité content and I love your blog

@coffeeandpies I actually can’t believe we are friends sometime bc even before I opened my blog I was following you fjfjf You’re seriously so funny and a breath of fresh air on my dash by keeping it extremely real!!

@museeofmoon n we actually talk about anything but studyblr but it’s still amazing!! Thank you for always supporting me with your extremely nice messages. Also yaaay go winter babies

@philology-studies We’ve recently started talking but you’re such an amazing person!! I hope you’ll like the letter I sent you. Btw your taste in shows and books are exquisite

@summit-studies we always talk about the most random stuff at the most random times but it’s always so easy to talk with you. I’m glad I really got to know you!!

@bulletnotestudies I’m so glad you messaged me one day and I got to know you!! You’re such an inspiring and kind person, I can’t wait to see how our med school experiences will go!!

I can’t talk about anyone or this post will never end but here are some other amazing people: @stuhde @luvgyus @headgirlstudy @ash-trological @venustudy @thxnderclouds @sonderstudy @sweetstudymine @blacklinguist @starryeize @chazza-studies-alevels @emili-a-a @saturniiiblr @mal-studyblr @collegewithme @bright-goals @mint-tea-studies @merakietudier @fluencylevelfrench @rivkahstudies @bentostudy

I definitely forgot some people but without further ado the celebration!!

NOTE: If you don’t want to see any posts related to this event, you can blacklist the tag #studyvancelebrates bc that is what I will be using!!

Rules

You must be following me, new followers are welcome too!!

Reblog or like this post

If you are sending me an ask on anon or a side-blog, please mention it

Only one option per person

Please be respectful to me (meaning don’t send me more than one ask or keep asking me why I am taking so long etc.)

🌿moodboards

Send me a 🌿 and tell me a cherished memory!!! If you’re not comfortable with it you can also tell me your favorite book and why you liked it. I will try my best for the moodboards but it might take some time!!

🎧personalized playlists

Send me a 🎧 and tell me about the aesthetic you like! If you can also tell me one of your favorite artists I would also really appreciate it, it would definitely give me a better idea for the playlist!! Also, I think my music taste is good so you guys can trust me djdj

✏️doodles

Send me a ✏️ and tell me your favorite food!So I can draw your icon, a favorite small character (like gudetama, koya, etc.), or something small, but please specify what you want!!! I think the previous celebrations proved that I am not good at drawing but I do try my best!!! Plus, if it turns out horrendously, we can laugh about it together.

#10k celebration #I was really overwhelmed is it obvious jsgkjsgd #studyvancelebrates #but seriously everyone thank you so much #studyblr #I used my header for the celebration post bc it felt fitting

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demoisverysexy · 4 years ago

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An Open Letter to the Person who Blocked Me for Being Mormon

For context:

If you’re reading this, I hope it finds you well.

This letter is mostly for me, so I can get my feelings out. I’ve already talked about this with a few of my friends, and I’m feeling better than I was than when you blocked me. I’m still upset. Mostly because of general trends I see on tumblr of hatred for Mormons. A lot of it comes from ignorance and misunderstanding. Some of it comes from a place of genuine hurt that can’t go unaddressed. I don’t want to be dismissive of those who have faced trauma at the hands of my church. I am one of those people, and I know how deeply pain associated with my church can be. After our interaction, I felt that talking about it would help me process this.

Before I go on, I must be clear that this is not an attempt to get you to unblock me. As nice as it would be to be able to see your blog again – you’re very witty, and I enjoy your content! – I can live without it. This is more a response to the trend on tumblr specifically of hatred against Mormons, and assuming that they’re all bad people who are complicit in every single bad thing that the church does. You just happened to force me to be a little introspective about my church and my relation to it. Thank you for that.

First, however, I would like to clear up some misconceptions:

Your initial joke that prompted me to tell you I was a Mormon was a joke about Mormons and polygamy. The largest two organizations that can be classified as “Mormon,” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and the Community of Christ (which incidentally allows for gay marriage and has female clergy, though I am of the LDS sect), both disavow polygamy. There are other, smaller offshoot Mormon groups who do still practice this, which is where horror stories of polygamists marrying teenagers arise. These people are also Mormons, though I wish they weren’t, in the same way that problematic Christian groups are Christian, though many Christians wish they weren’t.

I do recognize that mainstream Mormonism has been labeled as a cult by many people, though the reasons people provide generally don’t hold up. Often the proof that people provide of my church’s cult-like nature is to take note of corruption that can be found in almost every church. These issues – such as racism, homophobia, and misogyny, to name a few – while real and important to address do not a cult make. Sometimes the proof is to point towards practices that are demonized in my church, but are practiced in other religions with no comment, or even celebration. Other times people will point to their own experiences with toxic church congregations, and while those issues are very real, they are by no means universal. My experience growing up Mormon was a lucky one in many ways. I personally don’t think that most people who study my church from an academic vantage point would call it a cult. I would consult them on this matter. After all, someone in a cult is rather hard-pressed to be able to tell whether they are in one or not.

Another point often levied against Mormonism is how it leaves its queer members with religious trauma due to its homophobic teachings. I understand this well. I have experienced deep religious trauma associated with my political stances in favor of LGBTQ+ rights (though that wasn’t the whole story). I won’t go into detail about this right now, but suffice it to say, I had a very traumatic time on my mission that led me to a very dark place, and ended with me contemplating choices I would never be able to take back. I’m fine now of course, but I carry those memories with me.

So why would I stay despite all this? Is it because I’m brainwashed? You would have to ask a psychologist about that, but I would say probably not. I knew, and know now, that the ways I was being treated were unfair and wrong. I don’t have time to go point by point to address every grievance I or anyone else has with my church and explain my position on it, as much as I would like to clear the air once and for all on this topic so there is no misunderstanding. Here’s the reasoning that has kept me here so far:

I think that every person of faith must, at some point, deal with the problematic aspects of their church’s history and doctrine. This comes with the territory. Whether it be disturbing stories in scripture, imperialist tendencies, doctrines that chafe against us, or problematic leaders, no person of faith is exempt from wrestling with the history that accompanies their faith. I have studied my church’s history in depth. Many of the horror stories I heard were provably false. Many were true. Where does that leave me?

I believe that God is bigger and better than us. We make terrible, awful mistakes all the time. But I don’t think that makes God less willing to work with us. If anything, I think it means he wants to help us more. He wants to help us move past our histories and become better. My church has a long way to go in this regard. For too long we have been silent when it mattered, and people have been wounded by our silence. Or even the words we have said out loud! If you look at my Mormonism tag on my blog, you will see some examples of what I am talking about. I have been wounded by the things my church has said and not said. It hurts awfully, and I ache for those who have been wounded more deeply than I.

But at the same time, I cannot deny the healing my faith has brought me. Whatever problems my church has – and it has many, deep and pressing issues – it is because of my faith that I am the person I am today. I can draw a straight line from my religion to the positions I hold today. Because I am a Mormon, I became a Marxist. Because I am a Mormon, I became nonbinary. Because I am a Mormon, I became a leftist. I cannot ignore that my religion, flawed as it may be, has led me to where I stand now. I am at the intersection of the hurt and healing the church offers. It is a difficult line to walk. But I hope that in walking it, I can bring healing and love to those who hurt in the ways I do. To let them know that they are not alone, and that they have a friend who can help them wherever they choose to go.

Yes I am queer. Yes I am a Mormon. I am here because I am trying to fix things. If at some point in the future I realize that I cannot change things, perhaps I will leave. I hope it does not come to that. And things are changing. They have changed before, and they can change now. I am confident that my God is willing to lead my church where it needs to go. I hope I can help speed things along. We shall see.

But spreading unequivocal hatred and disdain for Mormons does not help those of us who are Mormon who are trying to fix things. Yes, those who have left Mormonism due to trauma need a safe place to be away from that, and acknowledging the church’s many faults can be helpful to those people. I myself have criticized my church quite vocally. But refusing to listen to the stories of those of us who choose to stay, telling others that we are evil or stupid or what have you, is also quite traumatic to us. We are people too, with thoughts and feelings. It is easy to dismiss us out of hand if you assume we aren’t.

I try to be open about my religion and political stances on my tumblr. See for yourself: It’s a mix of Mormonism, LGBTQ+ activism, Marxism, and pretty much every other leftist political position you can find. Along with all the furry stuff, of course. But despite all this, I am still terrified every time someone follows me to tell them I am Mormon. More than I am to tell them that I’m queer. Tumblr is not representative of how things work in the “real world,” of course, but I have received hatred for being a Mormon there as well. And it’s mostly other Christians. So on the one hand I’m hated by LGBTQ+ folks, on the other hand I’m hated by my church for being queer, and on the third hand (as apparently I have three hands), I am hated by other Christians. I do not face hatred to the same degree from other Christians. I saw it most on my mission. But still, it exists.

(Incidentally, Evangelicals, who you seem to have problems with, and perhaps rightly so, though I have not done a study of the matter myself, largely despise Mormons, from what I have heard. Something to consider.)

I want allies. I want help. I want understanding. If I am to push back against bigotry in my church, I need your help. I need everyone’s help. Fighting bigotry wherever we see it is a worthy pursuit, I think. And if we can succeed, we can make the world a better, safer happier place. I want to fight off the ghosts that haunt my church. You don’t have to fight them with me, but I would appreciate it if I could have your support. It would make my job much easier.

We aren’t enemies. At least, I don’t think you’re my enemy. We both have been hurt by homophobia and bigotry. We live in a capitalist hellscape where police brutality and racism are on the rise. Fascism is looming over the political backdrop, along with the ongoing threat of ecological disaster. I think we would be better off helping each other than going after each other. I ask that you please listen to us when we say you are hurting us. The Mormons you blocked knowingly followed you, an openly queer person who calls out racism and bigotry and pedophilia. Yet you assume we are in favor of those things. Someone can at once be part of an institution while recognizing it’s flaws. (Aren’t we both Americans? Why not move if we hate it so much?) And perhaps we have used the “No true Scotsman” fallacy to justify why we stay. I don’t believe I have. I don’t feel I need to.

I hope that you consider what I’ve said here. I hope we can work together. And I hope that no matter what, you find peace wherever you end up.

Yours truly,

Demo Argenti

#religion #leftism #mormonism #LGBTQ stuff #marxism #racism #misogyny #feminism #homophobia #queerstake #shouting into the void #ok to rb

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i-am-just-a-kiddo · 4 years ago

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2020 content creator review

i was tagged by @vishcount as usual, thank you 💕 i answered the questions below the cut, and everyone that is tagged is there too, if you just wanna skip my ramblings and go straight down there. (also gosh i hope all the links work rip)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020:

this lan wangji oneshot, apparently. i can’t remember when i actually wrote it, but my ao3 tells me i posted it in january 2020. i remember i just wanted to explore lwj’s time of mourning and dive into his mind of that time, even if it made me eternally sad?

my most recent 2020 creation that is public, is the second chapter to this casmund/edmund character study fic i started writing in 2016. i did not expect to return to that but rewatching the narnia movies did that to me. i guess it’s one of those ever-returning fandoms

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020:

my niemo (nie huaisang/mo xuanyu) fic, no question. diving into this, i fully knew that this pairing probably has a tiny audience and honestly, i did not expect to churn out 30k for them. god. am still suffering because why the fuck did i do that to myself (and everyone reading). thank you vishie for standing by me all the time.

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it:

my historical taegi AU set in silla korea - i don’t think it’s actually a new style writing-wise, but it was an entirely different process of creating. i did a week of only research, diving into amounts of academic texts and sources to figure out my frame and setting. it was so much fun and in the end, with everything i learned, it felt like the fic was only just the ‘by-product’ of my research. though i must say, writing the story itself was challenging in a very different way, by that i mean that the characters made me furious and yet i had to write it like that cause i like to suffer :)

as for gifset, am not sure? i can’t think of any so i am just linking the daechwita mv cause it’s iconic. i guess this mv is more joseon inspired, while my setting was silla somewhere between the end of 7th and beginning of 8th century; but it was the final straw to finally make me write that historical taegi au i always wanted to write with hwarang tae. also this mv inspired me to have yoongi as a tyrannical king cause why not amirite?

4. a creation to be proud of:

my wei wuxian oneshot during burial mounds; i had a lot of fun writing him and projecting all my nightmares onto him. i went in without a plan and ended up with something i am actually quite proud of? it gave me so much space and room to just...pour out my words and not worry too much about anything else.

5. a creation that took forever:

my post-canon wangxian adventure or qinghe chaos, as i lovingly call it. i think i started writing it in november 2019? not entirely sure about that, i only know it took ages. i wanted to create a whole new political environment, as it takes place somewhere around 70 years after canon (they wanna be immortal, shut up) and it was fun thinking of new challenges and new obstacles that face the new generation of cultivators. unfortunately i did not have the capacity to write a full blown political conflict. that’s why i never really incorporated all my thoughts into the story itself, but hey, if anyone has questions i have notes (and vishie, once again, is the most blessed person to plot with me, ily)

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes:

am gonna measure this by kudos on ao3 in that case, which would be the aforementioned lwj oneshot Cold Moon, Long Nights Moon. I feel incredibly fond of it and i’m really happy that people liked it. it feels special somehow and i just want to thank everyone who read that and liked it.

7. a creation you think deserved more notes:

oh i wrote many fics that year for smaller fandoms, which makes me grateful for every single feedback i received. i think i had hoped my previously mentioned historical AU would receive more, but it’s okay because i still loved it.

another one is this princess sook myung/ah roh fic that i wrote for my ‘make hwarang gay again’ series. i finally finished this show and it furstrated me so much - the gay potential that went to waste, the horrendous writing for female characters. i liked the chemistry between ah roh and the princess, and yes i get it, it’s a rare pair and this fandom is kinda dead, but. the girls deserve their shine and love (though still, i am grateful for every single kudos i receive and i am still proud of it)

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it:

i joined many new fandoms this year for which i wrote, but i want to mention my shang xirui character study for winter begonia, because it was very interesting to explore that? and i had fun too, it was one of the first things i properly wrote after my hiatus, so i felt quite proud. also once again, this fandom has way too little content and the show is underrated.

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart:

i wanna mention two here. first is this wen ning & song lan oneshot that was a pure joy and also very sad to write. i just love these two so much, and i love them together even more. i have many thoughts how much comfort they could give each other and believe me, i have many more that i want to explore in the future.

the second one is the mu nihuang & xiao jingyan oneshot i wrote for the nirvana in fire gift exchange 2020. it broke my heart, but at the same time it felt like something was healing too? it hurt at the pain both characters go through, but i also felt fond that maybe, they were not alone.

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love:

hmm there are a few, i mostly want to mention my fei liu character study? it has no plot or anything, it is just an exploration of his mind and thoughts, which was an absolute joy to write and somehow so easy.

i also quite like the yyy series i started - maybe i can write more for these two because they somehow give me the feels.

11. a favorite creation created by someone else:

alright here we go folks:

first i want to mention my dearest @vishcount because newsflash!!! i am the biggest fan. of course i need to mention your wondeful, stunning, breathtaking masterpiece that is your xicheng novel (and yes it is a novel, i say so). it is still ongoing and you started it in 2019, but i need to mention it here because it truly is something that is lifechanging. i feel so blessed that i get the front seats and vip access to all the updates, to all your thoughts and ideas. you go through a lot with it and i am never not proud of you ❤️ another one i want to mention is this wei wuxian & mo xuanyu oneshot you wrote for me because i am still crying about it. i have no words. honourable mentions: your easter islanders (lan wangji and jiang cheng) and this xicheng soulmate au

another creator i want to mention is @the-cloud-whisperer and their nirvana in fire fic Heroic Woman（烈婦） , which is absolutely wonderful. i found you through your ATLA fics (which i adore) and saw you posting about nirvana in fire and this year, finally, i watched the show and was blown away. i love your other NIF fics too, but this one feels very special because i always thought li yang’s character was so incredibly fascinating. thank you for writing this 💕

for more other creations just look at my bookmarks on ao3, there is the untamed, nirvana in fire, yyy the series, hwarang, winter begonia and original sin (from 2020 and many more if you scroll further) please give everyone i mentioned love!!!!!

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate:

oh boy here we go. once again @vishcount, @the-cloud-whisperer, @intyalote, @sassyassassy, @isabellaofparma, @passionpeachy, @finny-red, @guzhuangheaven @honeyiling, @holmesandwhatson @bloody-bee-tea, @leoyunxi, @gusucloud, @ohsehuns and many many more that must slip my mind.

all of you, consider yourself tagged in this game and even if we never spoke to each other, i greatly appreciate all of you and i want to give some love. if you feel like doing this, i hope you can have fun! 💕

#phew #another one done #all my usual suspects must be tired of me dfghj #but this is so lovely and fun #thanks dear #tag game #personal #2020 #writing

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lethendralis-paints · 5 years ago

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Artist Meme

Was tagged to answer this set of interesting questions by @kourvo

(original post is here: https://kourvo.tumblr.com/post/621355098110640128/artist-meme

Thank you so much for that!

Let’s see....

1) What is the character you've drawn the most (Can be original or fanart)

This precious boy. I can never get enough of him. One of the most compelling characters I have ever come across. Love everything about Fenris and can relate to him on so many levels!

2. What colour do you often use?

Gray and brown are my faves. And all other colours have the same chance of appearing in my artwork :D

3. Any colour you are bad at using?

I don’t think so...I love them all, even the pinks and yellows people usually find hard to incorporate into a colour palette. Tell me in the comments if I’m wrong :)

4. When drawing people, where do you start?

Funnily enough - either with the front of the hairline or with the left eyebrow. Don’t ask me, why - I don’t know myself.

5. What is a character only your eraser will love?

Hmmmm...any sort of villainous character. I can’t draw evil people convincingly. I’m a huge softy at heart.

6. Which of your works took the longest time?

Big scale commission I did for @pikapeppa, featuring all the Inquisition companions, along with Fenris, Rynne and Carver Hawke. That one took almost 3 weeks, due to its sheer scope and my relative lack of experience in such large works. Pika was extremely patient with me though, for that I am eternally thankful!

7. What techniques do you use when you want to improve in drawing?

Classical art studies. Varying my technique, themes I choose and software I use. I try to experiment and go outside my comfort zone often.

8. What do you think of the art of the person who gave you this ask meme?

I adore Lillymon’s technical skill, refined style and limited colours! She is a huge inspiration for me!

9. What art tools/media are you good with?

DrawPile, Photoshop, graphite pencils and liners. That’s about it :)

10. Art tools/media you are bad at?

Traditional paints. I have no formal artistic education and my lack of knowledge comes to the forefront whenever I have to paint on a real canvas. It’s so much trial and error, you can’t even imagine....

11. What do you think about your own art?

Lately it’s one of the last few things that were bringing me joy. I hope I won’t lose the passion for it. Because at this point I’m not sure I’ll be able to find some occupation I will be genuinely interested in and good at it. I don’t know if me gravitating towards moody fantasy art speaks about my fear of facing reality. If so, idk what to do with that. I do hope to develop my skills and being able to support myself financially as an artist.

12. Do you consult references for your drawings?

Yes. A lot of them. Anatomical atlases, schemes for both academic and manga art, photographs found online and taken on my own, copying colour palettes from classical art - anything goes. I think it’s essential to develop your technical skill.

13. What do you like about your art?

Lately - consistency, both in terms of produced results and in sticking to the timelines I set to myself. I hope this lasts. I would also like to branch out to other themes and not confine myself to quirky fantasy characters, so I’m working on developing my own story behind the scenes (spoilers) :P

14. What habits do you have while drawing?

Only the bad ones, lol. Hunching forward in front of the screen, forgetting to eat, drink and letting my eyes rest. Tilting my head to the side instead of rotating the canvas....I’m an idiot XD

15. Are you good at drawing faces facing right?

I think that’s the thing I’m good at!

16. How frequently do you draw?

For the last 1,5 years - almost every day without fail, for good or ill.

17. What do you do when you have artist's block?

Change occupation and work myself into a depressed state. I changed work places in the last few years a lot, working as an interior designer, draftsman, textile designer, a cook, a bartender to name a few.

18. What must you have when you draw?

No commotion around me and a cup of some hot beverage.

19. Do you have a lot of stray lines (messy lineart)?

In the starting stage of my work process - yes, like you wouldn’t believe! If it’s a personal doodle, I sometimes just leave in as am under layer and draw clean lines on top of that mess. It looks cool in a way.

20. What is drawing to you?

An essential part of what helped me to retain my sanity in the last year and a half. Hopefully a lasting profession that will help me pay bills and survive on my own, if my life falls apart entirely later.

21. Your art goal from now on?

Broaden the themes I depict, improve my technical skill, work on personal creative project and not only fan arts. And most of all - not giving up on it this time.

22. Artists you've had influence from?

To name a few: @kallielef @kourvo @shayafury @fairsparrow who I met here on Tumblr, and many others who I follow and zealously study their works for clues on how to improve my own work.

23. Artists you like?

I am following them all either here or on Instagram, I also do my best to share their works on my side blog!

24. Which is easier to draw, humans or animals?

It was animals earlier. But now that I started to diligently study human anatomy, I would say it evened out! I’m quite confident drawing humans/humanoids now!

25. Show us an old drawing

My first digital drawing from 2010 when I first bought my tablet!

26. What is the charm-point of your art?

I ummm....I don’t really get the question? Is that like the the strongest suit of me as an artist? Intense expressions maybe? Idk. Let me know in the comments :D

27. What is the first thing you would draw if we're talking about fantasy?

Broody warriors, he-he

28. Please draw your most beloved character:

Here’s a sneak-peek of me drawing him right now! :D

29. When thinking of characters is it mostly female? male? or androgynous/no sex?

I usually gravitate towards depicting strong-willed, caring, passionate, brave, honest men and women.

30. What did you draw yesterday?

Started cleaning up that sketch from the last question, actually!

31. What is the funnest part to draw?

A circle. Mostly because you’d die laughing seeing my struggle to draw a believable one XD

32. What part of other people's drawings do you notice first?

colours, mood, eyes, hands.

33. Regarding backgrounds, what is your method of making it easier to draw?

pick your favourite textured brush, find a good reference for mood and colour scheme, zoom out, squint your eyes and start slapping colours like mad. You’d be amazed at how much you’ll be able to achieve in 30 minutes with this approach. Bare white background is the enemy - destroy it! >:)

34. What colour coordinations do you like?

Gray or brown as a main colour and then deep, earthy, saturated colours to complement the main one. Pink and orange is the combination I strangely enjoy using lately too.

35. What character did you last draw? Fenris and Eris :)

36. Does your style change easily?

I don’t think so. More like it’s evolving slowly into something more serious and deliberate.

37. What part of drawing do you pay most attention to?

Facial expression, body movement, mood and light effects. Not so much the composition and framing, he he.

38. How do you feel about drawing adult art?

Tbh, I don’t consider straight up porn to be ‘adult’ exactly. To me adult art means aiming towards serious topics, exploring complex emotions and ideas, being honest with your viewer. I did doodle a few more steamy sketches of my OTP just to see if I could, but it was definitely a tongue-in-cheek kind of a artwork that I don’t take seriously.

39. Do you like criticism from others?

If it’s friendly and in done in private - I welcome it always.

40. How many people do you normally draw per artwork?

1 or 2. Rarely more. Crowded battle scenes are definitely not my thing :D

This was fun! Tagging forward to @shayafury @schoute @stella-minerva @nug-juggler @kallielef and anyone else wishing to go through such a long questionnaire!

#artist meme #art questions #art style #lethendralis rambles #my art

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deepestbite · 4 years ago

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twenty questions

tagged by: lovely @captainjanegay 🤍

1: what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

i get all warm and fuzzy when people call me becky. most of my brazilian friends call me beca and i think it’s nice<3

2: when is your birthday?

may 10th

3: where do you live?

i live in rio

4: three things you are doing right now?

i'm watching house s7, studying, and studying.

5: four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

marvel, stucky, and katy perry. that's it.

6: how has the pandemic been treating you?

at first, everything was going well but since june things have been very weird slash bad for me in so many ways. however, i'm doing better now, all things considered. i have the cutest kitten and she brings me a lot of joy. my beautiful nat<3

7: a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

WAP by cardi b fdkgjkdj but this is tumblr's fault 'cause i saw that video of the three girls singing this song. you know which one. previously, i couldn't stop listening to chateau lobby #4 (in c for two virgins) by father john misty.

8: recommend a movie.

blackkklansman!! last movie i saw. it’s great!

9: how old are you?

10: school, university, occupation, other?

i'm a licensed practical nurse but i'm not currently working in the field. atm i'm in nursing school to get my BSN degree.

11: do you prefer heat or cold?

i prefer cold bc i love wearing black clothes. but they make me feel warmer so wearing black clothes on hot days is just impossible. still, excess of anything is bad. i like to take a sunbath once in a while. it makes me feel good.

12: name one fact others may not know about you.

i'll tell u something that happened to me last week. (prepare to laugh)

i went to uni for practicals. when i was making my way out, these group of nursing students in academic internship approched me to help them with some activities. i said ok. i went and sat down with the three of them. there was actually this dude with blue eyes who ?seemed? nice-looking, but i wasn't even paying attention to him. when the girl put the pulse oximeter on my finger and checked my heart rate, well, it was speeding up a bit bc #funfact i am AnXiOuS and sometimes i get kind of nervous when other students suddenly check my heart rate or measure my blood pressure. the other girl asked me "are you nervous?" i lied and said "no" then the two girls thought my heart was speeding up BECAUSE OF THAT DUDE ..................... i couldn't freaking believe that. they got the work done and i got out of there. now they think i'm into that dude. i hope i never get to see them again in my LIFE. thanks to the mask, my face was half covered! fkgjdfk

13: are you shy?

oh yeah. also when i talk to certain people i always tend think i'm bothering them.

14: preferred pronouns?

she/her

15: biggest pet peeves?

anyone who treats others badly for no reason and those who think they are always right.

16: what is your favorite “dere” type?

pls elaborate. i don't know what this is fkgjfg death note and aggretsuko are the only two animes i've properly watched.

17: rate your life from 1-10.

i think a 6. sometimes a 7 because of the beautiful people i'm lucky to have in my life.

18: what’s your main blog?

this is my main.

19: list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

i don't have side blogs, even though i consider my twitter account as my side blog. i tweet in portuguese most of the time

20: Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

although i looooove to chat and getting to know new people, i'm the worst at keeping conversations going. that's a contradition right there.😭

i’m tagging @sebastianstvn @sergeantbuckybarnes @metalbvcky @godfreysroman

#tyyyy kas 🤍🤍🤍#tag game #about me #long post

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ohwhatamessiam · 5 years ago

Text

Self Control - Chapter 11

Summary: Thanksgiving break comes and goes. And it leaves you angry, wondering how much Chris really cares about you. Will he prove that he wants this, or will he let your spark burn out?

Pairing: Professor!Chris Evans X TA!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Language, angst, lots of pain (the tweets from Brandon outlined this turn of events), I’m really sorry but y’all are gonna hate me for this one.

A/N: Hi everyone! I made it back for an update under 9 months this time (barely lol). There’s only 2 more chapters left in Self Control, and you guys will probably hate me for them, but this is the path we’re on together! Thank you all for your patience, and thank you to @fangirlisms-22. I have started on the next chapter but knowing me, it’ll be a while before it’s done. I’m going to ask y’all to be patient again. I tried to tag everyone, but some blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or won’t let me tag them. Let me know if you need me to change your url on my list. Here’s the Spotify playlist for the entire fic.

I love feedback, so send me your thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc!

Tags are still barely open for this story, so send me an ask here to be added to it or my permanent list!

Self Control | Masterlist

A week of radio silence goes by and you’re left alone with your thoughts. And lonely, desperate thoughts are not your friends.

You try to stay in for the weekend, telling yourself that the distance is for the best. It’s giving you time to work on your story. You tear that piece to shreds and stitch it back together 10 times over. Your heart is starting to feel that same way.

Wednesday afternoon you realize you’ve run completely out of your grad student food staples: mac and cheese, tortillas, shredded cheese, peanut butter, and milk. And there’s only one box of cereal left on top of your fridge. Corn flakes. The bland cereal Chris loved so much.

You can’t bring yourself to touch it.

Forcing your body into a pair of sweatpants and shoes, you leave the apartment. The sun feels too bright for your sensitized eyes, and the temperature is much colder than you planned for, but you know better than to turn back. If you go back, you won’t come out until you have to see him after break.

As you pull into the grocery store it finally hits you. It’s already Thanksgiving eve. That much time had slipped away from you.

You trudge through the throngs of people scrambling for last minute items. No one pays any attention to your state of disarray.

Luckily, your basic needs are in stock and you’re able to get what you need without too much difficulty. You’re about to head to the registers when you stop at the liquor aisle. The thought only has to enter your mind before your feet immediately pivot toward the wine section.

You find 3 of the cheapest, most tolerable bottles and are stuffing them in your cart when you hear glass clanking behind you. You turn to find two of the last people you wanted to see.

Sebastian and Dr. Mackie.

“Oh shit,” Sebastian yelps as he tries to balance three separate bottles of liquor in one arm. Dr. Mackie snickers at him as he adds another bottle to their collection.

You shift quickly, trying to keep your back to them. There’s no need for a conversation on a day like today.

“(Y/N),” Sebastian calls out.

Your whole body tenses, fingers clenching the cart handle. How did he even know it was you in your chaotic state?

Footsteps approach you and you try to muster the strength to face them. At your best, you gather a forced smile.

“Hi (Y/N),” he grins as he slides up to your cart, Dr. Mackie in tow.

“Hi guys,” you manage. You catch how Dr. Mackie’s eyes flash to your hair, and then your clothes. You try not to get caught up on how that makes you want to crawl home, with or without groceries.

“What are you doing in town? It’s Thanksgiving,” Sebastian asks as he tries to pay more attention to his assortment of alcohol instead of your appearance.

“I’m staying here for break. My family’s a little spread out, so it’s hard to pick a side.” You glance over at Dr. Mackie, hoping that answer seems somewhat believable.

He seems to buy it as he nods, “I get that.”

You’d never seen these men outside of an academic environment, and when you finally notice their current clothing, you feel the tiniest bit better about running into them. Dr. Mackie’s wearing a navy polo and a pair of gray chinos, while Sebastian’s in a pair of black jeans and a red henley.

Something about seeing even your colleagues out of business casual, made you feel a little special. Like you were welcomed into Chris’s friend group with open arms. Like the relationship you and Chris have could exist both inside and outside of school safely.

Or had.

“If you’re staying in town, why didn’t you answer our email?” Sebastian asks.

“What email?” Your mind is already trying to remember the last time you glanced at your school account. It must have been nearly a week. But why would you check it when clearly staring at your text messages and voicemails from Chris had been filling your weaker moments?

“The one where we reached out to every grad student and faculty member whom had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, and invited them to a potluck in the Webster hall student lounge?”

Your eyes shift between the men nervously, “Oh, uh, I must have missed that one.”

“That’s okay,” Dr. Mackie answers.

“Well look,” Sebastian continues, “we’re going to have a lot of food, and just need people to eat it now.”

“You could absolutely just bring a bottle of wine and load up a plate.” Dr. Mackie adds as he notices the bottles in your cart. Unfortunately, he doesn’t realize you already have plans to finish those bottles by yourself, and maybe even before Thanksgiving.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.” More like you really hope you never have to leave your apartment again.

“Ah, you already have plans.”

You don’t, but you nod like you do in hopes they’ll back off.

“Well I’m sure we’ll have leftovers,” Sebastian’s eyes become too sharp as the words leave his mouth, “so if you wanna stop by after you’re done doing whatever you have to do, you’re welcome to.” His tone of voice leaves you surprised he didn’t just outright wink at you.

But apparently he didn’t know yet. Chris hadn’t told him about your “distance.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to, but I’ll try.”

“Good,” Dr. Mackie nods, his eyes cutting to Sebastian, clearly trying to get his friend to leave you alone. You know the only time you’ve spent with him was at the faculty dinner, but inside you quietly thank him.

“Yeah, great. And you can bring anyone if you want. Thanksgiving is about sharing.” Sebastian’s eyes stay on yours, still unsubtly trying to communicate that Chris is welcome. Under his gaze, you feel a bubble of tension build in your chest, the precursor to more tears.

“I won’t bring anyone, but thank you for offering.” You need to get out of here. You will not cry in front of Chris’s friends and colleagues. You drop your focus back onto your grocery cart, trying to stave off the warmth behind your eyes.

“You are very welcome. Seb, we should probably get going now,” Dr. Mackie swoops in for the save. “Whether we see you or not, have a good Thanksgiving (Y/N).” And he’s already guiding Sebastian away from you.

“Thanks, you too,” you call out. They don’t answer, and fortunately they round the corner before the first tear drops.

_______________________________________________________________________

You finish your last bottle of wine late on Thanksgiving. You pick up your phone and nearly dial his number, but just as you reach his name in your contact list, you picture it in your mind.

Him, sitting at a large table covered in all the traditional Thanksgiving dishes. On his right is Jennifer, and she’s beaming. This is her in her element. She’s getting what she wants because Chris won’t tell his family yet that they’re getting divorced. But your mind focuses on the space between them, their joined hands sitting on the table.

You can’t help but throw your phone across the room.

You don’t need confirmation that you’re right, that your fear isn’t imaginary. But you also don’t need to sit around calling him, embarrassing yourself with desperate voice messages that ultimately won’t help your relationship.

You know there has to be something else to fill this void.

And then pull out your laptop and start writing. And it’s a very different story than the one you’ve been working on.

_______________________________________________________________________

The rest of break comes and goes, and somehow you manage to honor the “distance.” Maybe it’s that your sadness has started becoming little pockets of anger, or maybe it’s that you’ve already cried and moped enough.

But the first day back to classes, you go in with your head held high.

You made it this long without caving and calling, or going to see him. It’ll hurt, but you’ll make it through a class together. You end up being one of the first people in a seat, the students seem to have gotten slower since Thanksgiving break. Lethargic and ready for winter break already.

Winter break was supposed to be when you and Chris could end your distance, your weird work power dynamics would be over and neither of you could lose their job. But what used to feel like a hopeful promise felt like a drawn out execution now. If Thanksgiving had gone even vaguely how you imagined it had for him, you were sure the end was coming.

Part of what made you love Chris was his heart, his empathy, his willingness to try to see the best in people. And while those traits hadn’t been applied to Jennifer in a while, you were nearly positive they could be again.

Tom comes in at his usual time, but sits at the end of the row behind you. You find that odd, but barely have a moment to dwell on it before Chris arrives. And his face is clean shaven.

A piece of your heart sinks, and you slip further into your chair.

He avoids eye contact with you until after he has the presentation pulled up on the projector and the rest of the class has filed in. He takes a deep breath, his hands gripping the sides of the podium, and he looks out at the room. But his eyes seem to gloss over the break-hungover students and fall on you.

You feel yourself gulp, but you don’t look away. Not yet. His clothes are nicer, less rumpled than before break. His hair is shorter and slicked back, like it had been at the beginning of the semester. And his wedding ring seems to just catch the fluorescent lights perfectly.

Everything but his gaze feels foreign. Almost too different than your Chris.

And that’s when you drop your gaze back to your laptop. Of course he’d been home long enough to do laundry and look like his old self again. Maybe it was for his family over break, but maybe it was for Jennifer.

He watches you for one more moment, and then focuses back on the students. “Good afternoon, class. I hope everyone had a good break.”

Hearing his voice hurts worse than seeing him, but you straighten your spine and get through class. He does not hang his attention on you again, and the only one who seems to notice besides you, is Tom.

_______________________________________________________________________

Your office hours feel like slow torture since you’re left alone with your thoughts about Chris again. And how he looked. And how he barely looked at you.

You wish for a distraction. A student, Robert to come in, or even Tom to show up even though he’d been icy towards you recently. But you get nothing.

So instead, you work on the new piece you started over break. That piece about cycles, and circumstances. About love given, and love lost. About power dynamics and the risks you take when you ignore them.

Office hours nearly end before you look up.

And Chris is standing on the other side of your open door, not knocking, but not walking away. You’re not sure what to make of that.

Is he stopping himself from rushing up to you? Or is he forcing himself to stay there until you say something, until you force him to admit what’s really happening here?

He finally meets your eyes and your heart drops. Just like it had during that awful phone call. And you knew what that meant then, and what that says now.

But you try to fight it. You tell yourself it is just paranoia.

“Hi,” you say, your voice coming out short, trying to hide its shakiness.

“Hi.” Just one word from his lips and your very marrow wants to crawl to him, pleading to forget Thanksgiving break. Forget whatever transpired then. Remember what you had before. What you could have next.

But you stay in your seat and watch him step into your office gingerly. His eyes take in the room, either looking for new evidence in support of your relationship, or looking for a distraction so he doesn’t have to say it. Or at least that’s what it looks like.

His hands are shoved in his pockets, his shoulders hunched. And it makes this feel even sadder. He’s resigned to this. Whatever’s coming, he doesn’t really want it. Not fully.

You can’t take it anymore, you have to end this pointless staring. His at your office, yours waiting for him.

“So, what do you need?”

His face changes, the slightest furrow of his brows, the gentlest sigh. As if you wounded him, rushing him through this moment. A moment you were starting to want over.

He closes your office door, leaving you two alone in a room with so many memories. A room that just a couple weeks ago held what you hoped was the promise of a future.

“We need to talk,” he says, sitting on the edge of the seat across from you. You nod, but don’t say anything. Not until you know what kind of talk this is.

He stares at you for a moment, watching your face, waiting for it to change, shift into something else. But you keep your emotions away from the surface. You’ve had enough time to think about this during your distance.

He finally continues, “This Thanksgiving was tense. A lot happened. A lot was said. But the time apart helped me figure somethings out.”

“Like what?” You watch as his fingers twitch, his eyes roaming you for clues on what you want to hear.

“Like, I’m not the only one who’s been seeing someone else. She wouldn’t tell me who, but I can’t help but feel like it was her way of throwing us in my face.” He pauses, but you don’t break, don’t reach for his hand or tell him he’s right. You wait for the rest.

“And I learned that our families aren’t ready for a divorce yet.” His eyes focus on the edge of your desk. He still won’t stand up to them yet.

He knows this isn’t fair to you. And he won’t even look you in the eye as he admits it.

“So, where does that leave me?” A fire fuels in your belly, you want to scream at him. You can’t keep living in this state of distance. That he needs to figure out whether he wants you more than he wants to avoid conflict with her and his family.

“As someone I want a future with.” He’s watching your chest now, the way your breath fills your lungs, and you hold it in, praying that he’ll just drop the other shoe. “As someone I could see myself growing old with, living a full, creative life together.”

“But?”

He hesitates and you try to keep the air moving in and out of your body. You do not have any new breath-held wishes, everything you could ever hope for from this moment has already found a home in your mind. And it is accompanied by all your fears about this relationship, and its end.

But the way his shoulders slump, and his elbows dig into his knees as he leans on them. The way his head now hangs in his hands. You feel that your fears are unfortunately, closer to this reality.

“But not someone I can have a now with.”

Your heart felt it coming, and it hurts worse than you ever would have expected.

That fire is in your chest now, beating your lungs, eating the oxygen from them. Like a hit to the gut. There’s no more breath to hold.

Was this relationship always going to be a waiting game? Or just a dalliance to fill the time?

“This time apart, this distance has already been painful enough, Chris. But I was doing it to protect both of us.”

He raises his head, and his watery eyes catch on your own, “It’s been terrible not seeing you, not talking to you. It’s been painful for me too. But it’s been for the best.”

“Best as in it protects us for our future? Or best as in it allows you to give your marriage another shot?” Will he stop trying to dance his way around this, stop softening this? You need a clear answer on where you stand, and where you are going to be moving forward.

“I- I’m afraid to say both.”

And that hits you with an overwhelming force. Your heart has sunk so far, you are not even sure you have one anymore. You just want to curl into a ball and cry. But instead, you let that fire from before crawl its way into your mouth. “So do you want me to wait around for you? Let you test the waters with Jennifer again until you're sure you want to be with me? Because that’s not what I signed up for with us.”

“I know that, and that’s not what I wanted for us either.”

“And if I wait any longer, I’m not protecting us anymore. I’m protecting you, and your life, while mine gets boxed away. But what I want should matter too.”

“Y/N, it does,” he whispers, but it doesn’t slow you down.

“Should we still even try to be together? If you’re not sure that this is it, that I am who you should be with, what’s the point? What are we holding out for?”

All the air from the room feels like it has been sucked out. Chris is staring at you like you’ve wrecked his whole world. And inside, it absolutely feels like you’ve just ripped apart your own. But you know it had to be said.

“Because I love you. And you love me.”

“Is that enough Chris? Because it’s starting to seem like it isn’t anymore.”

He looks at you, eyes wide as his lower lip trembles softly, but you remind yourself to hold your ground. He was the one who’d come in there to tell you he might go back to his wife. He was the one who had already planned on doing this.

“It was, it is. We just need to wait it out. See if Jennifer and Robert will leave us alone.”

“They already know, and so does probably half of the department.” You hope your words aren’t actually true, but between all the conversations you had before break, it sure as hell feels like it. “I’m not staying your secret affair. I’m not your office hours hook up because you can’t tolerate your wife. You either tell me right now that you will fully work on what we have, or you tell me it’s over.”

His eyes are searching your office again, looking for courage, or maybe an excuse. He doesn’t seem to find it, and his focus settles on your joined hands. You clench them together, a silent prayer for the truth.

“I can’t do either of those things.”

Your breath catches in your throat. You just want a straight goddamn answer. “Chris…”

“I can’t. Because I don’t want to lose you, it hurts so much to be apart from you. But I can’t gamble with the rest of my life, my job, my family. I can’t just ignore them and run away again. It’s not working out for any of us that way.”

You want to snap that it was working out fine for you, but you try not to be more selfish than you already feel. And as well as you were making out, he is right, these last few months hadn’t been perfect. Except you don’t want perfect, you just want a promise to try. A whole-hearted attempt.

Instead, you stay quiet for a moment, watching him, taking him in. His clearly upset features, his body perched on the edge of his seat. His words are telling you that the one fear you had grown so very close to this entire break, is real. His already established, semi-comfortable life is more important than you, or your happiness. And you had really wanted to be wrong.

“That is my answer.” Your mouth finally moves, saying what you were thinking all along. “Your inability to make a decision is everything I need to know.”

“I didn’t want this to happen (Y/N). I don’t want this to be over.” His hands reach out for yours, searching for a physical connection, a spark. Something that will help him soften this, or make you change your mind.

But it won’t. And you pull your fingers from your desk.

“Then you should have thought about that earlier, Chris. You should have considered whether kissing me in this hallway could ruin your life. That sleeping with me in your office could demolish everything. You should have decided then, if this last 3 months was worth it, to risk it all? Because I decided that then. I decided I wanted you, and this, but I knew I might regret it one day. And you’ve probably proven me right.”

Chris’s eyes latch onto your own, shock lifting his brows so gently. Like you’ve landed the final blow, you knocked him out. But this wasn’t a match for you to win. No, this was a mercy kill. You know now this relationship had to end before it sacrificed what was left of your control, and your sanity.

“I always wanted this. There’s not a single second I’ve regretted it.” His tone comes out rough, as if the anger you’ve let out finally reaches his own gut. And you hope it burns as much for him as it does for you.

“Good for you. But if you really wanted this, why didn’t you tell me about Jennifer’s sudden interest in getting back together earlier? Why didn’t you tell your family that you guys are over? That there’s no hope for your marriage, and that you’re ready to move on? Would you rather have a second chance with her instead of a first, real chance with me?”

You look down at your own hands in your lap, your fingers twisted together. And for a moment you second guess this whole conversation. Is this really how this has to go? “Or at least that’s what I asked myself over and over again during break.”

He stays quiet, his eyes shifting down, settling on his knees. They bounce as his heels tap the floor. His nerves are so raw, that he might just be finally admitting to himself, that this has reached its conclusion. That maybe this was never going to end any differently.

The words leave his mouth so quietly, you almost miss them. “So this is the end then?”

As much as this already feels like slicing a part of yourself off, you were staying strong. But his tone, its soft resignation, it builds a heat behind your eyes. And your tears threaten to let loose.

“I’ll finish the semester as your TA, but yes. I-” the crack in your voice gives away more than you’ve shown this entire conversation. And his baby blues latch on to it, to you. A final, silent pleading. But you gulp, “I think it is.”

Inside you are begging for him to say no, it’s not. That he won’t let this be the end. That you are more important than Jennifer, than his family, than anyone’s opinion.

He nods to himself, his eyes squeezing shut. He takes a moment to make himself accept it, and then he pushes himself up.

“I’m sorry this is how we’re ending, (Y/N). I never meant to compromise your feelings or your wants. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But I understand how my intentions have gotten lost in our situation.” He moves to your door, turning his back to you.

You feel your bottom lip quiver as the tears in your eyes start to bleed out.

“I’m sorry too, Chris.” He hesitates, looking back at you as his hand reaches the door knob. “Goodbye.”

One more quick nod as his gaze drops, attempting to ignore your quiet sob. His fingers push open the door and he whispers, “Goodbye.”

And then he’s gone, and your office hours are over, and you want to be anywhere but here. But as you try to stand, you can’t move yet. This loss feels paralyzing. Your limbs lock in denial, your mind wants to bargain now. But you know it’s too late.

So you sit there, and cry every tear out you can, waiting for the pain to subside. Waiting for your breath to stop shaking. Waiting for you to feel confident in your choices.

And eventually, it does. And you do.

_______________________________________________________________________

Tags: @irishdancr24 @lostboyinneverland @dianaofsthemyscira @funlizzie02-blog @void-imaginations @cryingovershipsthatneversailed @breezykpop @jcc04220 @nys30 @jonsnowisnotdeadthough @guera31 @wickedcitywitch @london-dreamer71 @patzammit @lilypalmer1987 @talannalew @thatonetuesdaywhensam @supperunnatural20 @evanstanfanatic @lucinapomona @r5rocks101 @dolphinpink310 @bojabee @zlixlle @smashley816 @youtheheckisbucky @bit-of-a-timelord @sebastian-i-stan @stevieang @suz-123 @thefridgeismybestie @ssweet-empowerment @sophiealiice @imaginesofdreams @anotherawkwardaustralian @lostxsea

Slashed through names couldn’t be tagged

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haloud · 5 years ago

Note

Just gotta call you out on what you said about the survey. The fandom survey was posted by an Alex Manes fan account hence the people who responded were Alex fans too and hence the results were as you said - it’s basic quantitative statistics lol. The fact that everyone knows Michael is a favourite to most fans and carina is obvious - the survey merely proves that the rest of the fandom is aware of it too.

Okay.

When i took the survey it had about two hundred responses. it was posted on tumblr, where I saw it, where most of my fandom takes place. It was a two-sentence joke about the numbers as I saw them at a time when the surveyed population was the population I interact with the most. I’m sorry I wasn’t pedantic enough for you, anon. I’m sorry my post contained a generalization. It’s almost like I don’t blog the same way I write my academic papers. I should have known someone would find me in violation.

Let’s take a look at your claims, anon, because we love analyzing things here, and since you know all about basic quantitative statistics, I know you’ll agree!

1. The survey can’t be taken as proof that Alex is the fandom darling because the surveyed population was skewed

2. The survey can be taken as proof that “the rest of the fandom” is rightfully aware of the obvious fact that Michael is the fandom darling

Can you see the contradiction taking place here? Either the survey can be used as evidence or it can’t–you don’t just get to cherry pick the responses that agree with you and ignore the ones that don’t.

Anon, if the “rest of the fandom” knew one hundred percent that Michael was the obvious favorite (over Alex specifically), my post wouldn’t have gotten any notes. It was untagged, and I don’t have that many followers. It isn’t just about the numbers, either–take a look at the comment responses, read for just a little while how the number of people saying that Alex is being mistreated or that miluca need to break up outweigh any comments criticizing Alex.

My post was responding to the same frustration I’m expressing now. On Tumblr–where most of my fandom takes place–I see a lot of claims that Alex is despised and in need of defense from a hateful fandom, but I never see any of the proof. The tag “anti alex manes?” Two posts, anonymous confessions from a year and five months ago respectively. The tag “anti michael guerin?” Two pages and active. Now, that isn’t a lot of hate either–you’ll never see me claim that Michael isn’t a popular character. The only thing I claim is that Alex is more popular than him, against the popular perception of people who self-identify as liking Alex to the exclusion of all others. That’s what the survey of the population I knew was tumblr-based confirmed and caused me to make a post about.

The survey is up to over five hundred responses now. (I took it on my phone while logged into a Google account, so I can go back and see the responses without taking the survey again.) The favorite character is still Alex by an overwhelming margin, with 47% of respondents self-reporting him as their favorite. Second place is Maria, with 16.2%, and then Michael and Liz are tied with 12.3%. Meanwhile, for the question “Who do you think is the most popular character in the fandom,” 54.6% of respondents report that their perception is that Michael is the fandom favorite. Alex is in second place with 22.2%, followed by Liz at 9.7%. The results still reflect the thing I joked about, which is the significant discrepancy between self-reported perception and self-reported reality among fans.

Any good statistical analysis includes a disclaimer as well as an examination of future avenues of study. I will state for the record that the surveyed population could still be skewed by having originated at the epicenter of Alex-centered fandom. You’ll find that this is often the case and an often-reported possible flaw in a survey study. It’s a flaw inherent in the sampling method known as snowball sampling–where the surveyed population begins with the surveyor’s acquaintances and goes outward from those acquaintances, i.e., it picks up snow as it rolls. There’s also the possibility that some individuals took the survey more than once, though Google does prevent logged-in users from doing so. This statement should not be used as a reason to throw out the results; proof of fraudulent activity would be necessary in order to demonstrate that surveyors were not acting in the good faith required of all self-reporting surveys. In regards to further study, I think it would be interesting to include a question about where respondents saw the survey as well as where they spend most of their fandom time (Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, etc.). That way, we would know more clearly what subset of the fandom was participating in the survey.

A fandom survey will never be a scientific exercise, anon, but at 513 responses, I do believe the sample size is large enough to be used for commentary on trends within the fandom. Something doesn’t have to be classifiable as science to be interesting or notable.

#fandom drama #Anonymous #long post

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littlelambdrgnfly · 4 years ago

Note

Would you ever do the ultimate beatlemaniac tag? I would LOVE to see your answers!!

Thanks for asking!

How long have you been a fan? Until I was 17, I thought they were good but just not my style, I was much more into punk music!

Favorite Beatle: John, but I adore Paul and George too. John’s just my boy, you know?

Favorite era for music: I’d have to pick mid-to-late Beatles even though I love their early stuff too! In terms of personality, I prefer the early stuff; for the music, the later stuff.

Favorite era for lewks: Teddy boy Beatles, for sure! But I’m a big fan of the moptops and basically 1966 as a whole.

Favorite song: Hey Jude just puts me on another spiritual plane, honestly. But Dear Prudence is a very close second!

Favorite album: Abbey Road. One of my old teachers used to say that Hamlet is as close as you can come to the “perfect” play, I feel that way about albums and Abbey Road. White Album and Rubber Soul are two and three!

Unpopular/Controversial Beatles opinion: They were all bastards! I love them but there’s not a single one of them without a story that makes me cringe.

A song everyone loves but you dislike: I don’t care for The Long and Winding Road, at least the Spector mix. It’s way too sentimental! The stripped version is a lot better. I also don’t really like Imagine.

A song everyone dislikes but you love: Why does everyone hate Wild Honey Pie?? I think it’s such a cute, funny little filler piece.

Your fantasy involving The Beatles: I own a bookstore in Hamburg and become friends with all the Beatles and the Exis. They think I’m super smart and cool, and I get to help them come to terms with their sexual identities, treat women and marginalized communities better, and turn them onto weed before Dylan does, lol.

Tell us about the moment you knew you were a fan: When I heard the Anthology version of “And Your Bird Can Sing” (I don’t know, lmao)

Did you ever have a genuine ‘The Beatles suck!’ phase before becoming a fan? Not really, but the first time I listened to the White Album, the vibes coming from it freaked me out so much that I didn’t listen to it all the way through for years afterward.

Favorite Beatles book: Probably Pete Shotton’s book! I love Mike’s books too, he’s such a funny guy... In terms of more academic titles, I really loved Steven Stark’s book and “You Never Give Me Your Money” by Peter Doggett.

Thoughts on the old generation of fans: I haven’t had much interaction with the older gen(s) but I find the men mostly insufferable. There was this older dude who came into the record store all the time (he bought EVERY single edition of Paul’s last album), and he actively made every Beatles fan who worked there like the band a little less.

If Hollywood were to make a high budget Beatles biopic, what is one thing you desperately hope they include? I don’t like biopics, I hope they don’t make one! If they do, it better just be about John and Paul boning for 90 minutes.

Do you read/write fanfic?: You’re on this blog, so you know this!

Are you the only one in your family/friend group to enjoy them?: My family and a number of my friends like them, but yeah, I like them the most.

Are you a shipper?: Tragically

Favorite movie starring/made by them?: AHDN! I love Yellow Submarine too and I just wish it starred them! It’s very distracting to me that it’s not their voices, lol.

Do you believe in McLennon?: I’m like 98% positive it’s real

General opinions on McLennon?: I think they were a couple, and if they weren’t, then I think it was because of the general opinion of same-sex couples at the time and fear for their reputation. I hope it was real, but I think I could keep myself together if it wasn’t. It just makes me want to die when shippers ask these kinds of questions to their families though! God, please do NOT.

If you got to change ONE thing about their history, what would it be and why?: Brian shouldn’t have died... But if I had to chose something smaller, then there should have been more of George’s songs on the White Album.

What song has the best vocals?: Christ, I can’t even choose a top 10...

What song do you feel had no effort put into it?: More of their earlier stuff, particularly on Beatles for Sale, but Eight Days a Week really sticks out to me, even though I like that one a lot. It makes me think of that quote, “Let’s sit down and write ourselves a swimming pool!”

What is a well talked about moment in Beatles history you genuinely believe to be false?: When John met Yoko at that art show... We know that’s not real, lol.

What is something you KNOW to be true, but often gets erased in their history?: John and Paul’s whole dynamic, I feel like a lot of people just don’t get it

Least favorite look from a Beatle(s): I hate the collarless suits! I also don’t like John’s mustache.

Favorite look from a Beatle(s): Just all of 1966!!!

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 6 years ago

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Hi, I was told by someone that I shouldn't use "NB" to refer to myself or others as nonbinary individual because "NB" already means "non-black". Is this, like... true? I always preferred using it over "nonbinary" or "enby"

Lee says:

The acronym “NB” does already stand for non-Black in some contexts, yes. But NB can also stand for non-binary in other contexts.

As someone who is both Black and non-binary, I’ve seen it used both ways and I’m usually able to figure out which meaning of the acronym is being used depending on the context.

Of course you should clarify how you’re using the term if the context doesn’t make it evident, but I don’t think that either group has exclusive claim over the acronym- it’s okay to use it to stand for either thing.

Take New Brunswick, for example. The postal abbreviation for the province is NB. Should we be throwing hands with all the people in New Brunswick and the post office because of that?

There are lots of times when two communities independently come up with an acronym to describe something and it just so happens that those acronyms overlap. Does that mean that one group is “stealing” the acronym or shouldn’t get to use it?

I get the old western movie vibes from this kind of conversation like “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us” but in this situation we aren’t two groups of people in the same town fighting for space, we’re in two separate towns which have the different names but the same nickname, and one town is suing the other because they said they came up with the nickname first so they get to copyright it, and the other town says they came up with their nickname independently and it has a completely different meaning so they should still get to use it. And the people living in the two towns are just like “Ok we get it, it’s slightly confusing, let’s just,,, move on with our lives because neither town is using the nickname in a way that’s harming the other!”

[Edit: turns out there are two New Brunswicks, one in Canada which is where I was referring to and one in New Jersey that I forgot about bc... it’s Jersey... (I’m from NY so i legally have to say that) but this is actually a good example of exactly what I’m talking about y’all! Multiple things, same name, it’s okay!]

So if you think that the way you’re using the “nickname” (ie acronym) is confusing because you don’t think the context of the post makes it clear whether you’re referring to non-Black or non-binary people, just… spell it out as the words “non-Black” or “non-binary” to introduce the term. Then feel free to use an acronym if you’d like to.

Enby is a shortened version of the word non-binary (pronounced “enn-bee” because it’s how you’d say the acronym NB) but there are non-binary people who don’t like being called “enby” because they feel it’s infantilizing for some reason.

I guess maybe they see it as analogous to the childhood form of the gender, like girl/boy/enby versus the adult form of the gender, like woman/man/non-binary person, but I don’t really know because I also haven’t seen a big push for it to explicitly be recognized as an age-defined term that’s explicitly meant to be used for younger people and exclude adults so I think it’s just the connotation of the word (as mentioned in a 2014 post on our blog here).

Some people are proposing trying to create different abbreviations for non-binary instead of using the NB acronym or enby version, but of course then you run into the “nobody knows what you’re talking about” issue because there aren’t any standardized abbreviations the whole community is aware of and supports.

But yeah, as a Black non-binary person myself, I don’t think it’s honestly a big deal because it doesn’t hurt us in any way that I can think of. It’s not like NB is a slur or offensive word referring to the Black community that non-binary people have decided to appropriate as a self-descriptor for their own identity, it’s just a way to say the phrase “non-Black”.

And while using “NB” to mean non-Black has definitely been a thing in both academic writing and community discourse, people haven’t been using it as a hashtag on a large scale. So nonbinary people dominating the content posted in the NB hashtag hasn’t erased our organizing or our conversation on the topic or suppressed our voices in some way because that was never a particularly popular hashtag in the Black community to organize with, so it isn’t like the non-binary community came by and “colonized” the tag.

The fact that a different community uses the same acronym to mean something else doesn’t mean we can’t discuss the ways that non-Black folks discriminate against and oppress Black folks anymore.

I do have to say I find the usage of both NBPOC (non-Black people of color) and NBPOC (Non-binary people of color) is more of a potentially irksome overlap as NBPOC is a tag that was used more often with the original race-related meaning, but overall I feel like there’s a lot of things that we could be doing to uplift the Black community (and to specifically support Black non-binary folks) that is a better use of our time than trying to put the genie back in the bottle with the gender-related NB acronym because it’s so widely used at this point and trying to undo that doesn’t actually provide a vast tangible benefit that I can see. So why spend our activism or mental and emotional energy fighting over this issue?

This is just my opinion, as one Black non-binary blogger, so I can’t speak for the whole Black and non-binary community in its entirety. But that’s the point; there isn’t a huge consensus on this topic in the Black community and one person can’t speak for all of us about what we believe because we have different beliefs! Some folks have strong opinions on the NB acronym on either side of the argument about whether it should be used, but even more people (like pretty much everyone else in my family IRL, especially the Black adults) simply don’t care or think it’s particularly important.

Saying “listen to Black people about Black issues!” is the right concept in a way- it applies when the majority of the marginalized group of people is on the same page about the thing, and it helps to recenter the lived experiences and need of the marginalized group in question instead of speaking for them or over them, but what do you do when you’ve got three different Black people who are all equally affected by the issue telling you three different things about the topic and then three more who couldn’t care less?

Sometimes you can look at the other opinions the person holds and see if what they believe with generally matches what you believe and see if they’re informed on the topic to decide if you think their opinion should hold more weight than the other people’s opinion, but there are people who will have great takes on a lot of issues but just don’t get it right on That One Thing, so what then? Usually people end up just listening to the Black person who is telling them what they already agree with.

Hypothetical: You’re not part of a marginalized group. Within the marginalized group, there are two groups of people, both equally affected by the thing in question, with one group of people asserting opinion A and one group of people asserting opinion B.

Assertion A says “X thing is harmful, do Y thing instead!”, and assertion B says “X thing isn’t harmful, and I have no issues with Y alternative either”, then I’d follow the wishes of group A if you genuinely can’t tell which situation is occurring and don’t know if the thing is harmful.

That’s because listening to group A means you potentially avoid a negative outcome whereas group B believes nothing negative will occur either way so you’re hedging your bets to do the thing that’ll create the least harm.

So if the alternative Y isn’t bad then it doesn’t hurt to switch to it and avoid potentially creating harm. But if group A doesn’t propose an alternative Y to the X thing, or there’s an issue with alternative Y that makes it problematic itself, then it gets confusing again.

Following that logic, if you’re NB (as in not-Black lol) and genuinely can’t figure out what you believe, when in doubt, you can just spell out the words “non-binary” and “non-Black” instead of abbreviating it because typing out a few extra characters avoids the whole issue altogether!

So even though I personally believe it’s fine to use NB either way and that the whole fuss is kind of silly when you put it perspective with the actual issues we should be advocating for, it’s fine if you want to use an alternative acronym or abbreviation to refer to non-binary people. (Followers, feel free to suggests alternatives that you’ve heard of!)

It’s also true that replacing the term “non-binary” with an acronym isn’t necessary in the first place; you can just write “non-binary” or make a shortcut on your phone (this will expand your acronym or abbreviation of choice into the entire term) if you don’t like wasting time typing.

#Lee says #nb #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

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aefintyr · 5 years ago

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a multi-muse survey

tagged by @ourpyrrhicvictory <3

CANON MUSES

name of your favorite muse: Probably either Bellatrix or Mary. I’ve played Bellatrix for years, and actually RPed her on her own blog before making this one, so writing her comes naturally. She’s so awful and disturbing, but also fiercely independent and wild while still being dutiful and doing what is best for the family. A lot of people portray her as either one or the other, but the point of my portrayal of Bellatrix is that she can be both of these seemingly contradictory things and how she is both of these things at the same time. But Mary has quickly become a favourite of mine, because of her complexity and the darkness she grapples with and how just because she’s dealt with one form of trauma, doesn’t mean she’ll react the same to another form of trauma. But she’s still her, fundamentally, even if she can’t believe it, or wants to believe it.

name of your very first muse: On this blog? Alecto! For HP? Probably Bellatrix, in all honesty. I mean, I’m pretty certain; I mainly played her in group rpgs. My very first canon muse in general? Uhhh, I’m honestly not sure but it MIGHT’VE been Amara from TVD. I played her for a bit, back when i was still into TVD, along with Ayana. But tbh I don’t have a clue, I’ve been doing this thing for so long, I can’t remember.

name of your meanest muse: Alecto. Bellatrix is pretty fucking awful and is up there, and I almost answered with her but @ourpyrrhicvictory convinced me otherwise. Yes, Alecto doesn’t really hate Muggles all that much and anyone can feel the brunt of Bellatrix’s wrath but Alecto’s just... so malicious? They are both cruel. But Alecto directs a lot of her cruelty towards her half-brother and she’s just so... petty about it.

name of your nicest muse: Mate, I don’t know. There’s Étiennette, Katie, Lily, Charity... I guess I’ll pick Katie because she’s just so nice and sweet, but in a way that’s different to everyone else. Like she’s competitive, but outside of Quidditch, she’s harmless and she doesn’t like or want to hurt people.

name of your most troubled muse: Oh boy! It’s pretty close between Dorcas and Mary, but I still do think Mary easily wins out. She’s just been through a lot and goes through a lot. Losing her parents, then being raised in a Muggle orphanage for a time away from Scotland because her grandparents don’t want her, having to hide her magic. Then when she’s found a place in Hogwarts and friends who love her and she loves them, Mulciber comes in and ruins everything, and the trauma from that experience changes her and she grapples with a lot of inner-darkness and hatred and is pretty self-destructive. And then she loses basically everyone she loved and cared about. Survivor’s guilt is a bitch.

character you have the most muse for atm: Bellatrix, Mary, and Alecto always lmao But also Étiennette.

two of your muses that would never get along: Bellatrix and Alice, for very obvious reasons.

two of your muses that could be best friends: I’ll go with the obvious and say Lily and Mary because they love each other so much and are canonically best friends on my blog.

two of your muses that would make a cute couple: A cute couple? Uh... I guess Katie and Romilda would be pretty cute, once Romilda improves on her selfishness and stuff.

two of your muses that are most similar: Okay, so, I have insecurities over making my characters too similar and try to make them actual, flawed characters. But! Alecto and Bellatrix. As described before, they’re both pretty fucking terrible people and a lot of their cruelty comes from a place of anger and hatred. But they deal with it differently.

name of the muse you’d be best friends with irl: Honestly, maybe Lily! We have a similar protective streak of our friends and will punch someone for them.

name of the muse you’d probably hate irl: Bellatrix and Alecto without any hesitation. I mean, they’re fucking wizard Nazis. And they torture and murder a lot of people. Like, I would just hate them on principle alone, even if I didn’t know they fucking killed people.

a faceclaim you’ve been eager to use: Taylor Russell! Also James Rolleston, who I nominally have as Donaghan Tremlett but will probably be removing, since I haven’t done anything with him whatsoever. But Taylor Russell is just sooo pretty, holy shit. And Elodie Yung, because she’s awesome and beautiful.

OC MUSES

name of your favorite muse: Honestly? Leta. They were a passion project, with me taking like a couple details from a deleted canon character and running away with it. They sat on the back-burner for quite a bit, before I finally made this blog and included them on it. They’re all about adaptability and fluidity and identity, and how that ties together. You can thank Filthy Rich for inspiring me - with a dash of Inej from SOC.

name of your very first muse: Written on this multimuse? Grisha. First HP OC, period? I honestly couldn’t tell you, probably some self-insert or some shit. My very first OC I roleplayed just in general? A winged ice wolf named Glace. Do not judge me, I was pretty hard into the whole wolf/Warrior Cats forum rps when I was younger.

name of your meanest muse: Mafalda. She’s just very bratty, arrogant, and rude; even if her arrogance is somewhat justified by her academics. She’s capable of playing nice if she considers you an “equal”, Hermione being a bit of an exception, but she’s just quite a lot to deal with. She’s not on the level of like Bellatrix or Alecto and she’s not a blood purist or anything like that - the exact opposite considering the fact that her parents are a Muggle and a Squib, meaning she’s a half-blood - it’s just that she’s... very mean lmao

name of your nicest muse: Grisha! God, Grisha is just... so nice and friendly man, and I mean that’s part of the reason why she gets fucked over, but yeah, she’s like pretty sociable and easy to get along with. It doesn’t mean she’s perfect by any means, she’s a Gryffindor through-and-through, both the good and the bad. But why be a dick when you can just be generally nice to people and treat them well for free?

name of your most troubled muse: Leta without a doubt. You don’t have the kind of backstory that they have and go through the shit they have without coming out of it at least a little bit troubled. And Leta has a lot of shit to deal with.

character you have the most muse for atm: Leta, but that’s no surprise.

two of your muses that would never get along: Man, I honestly don’t know. I feel like any one of them would maybe clash initially but then eventually come to work out their differences and shit and come to an understanding. But for the sake of it, maybe Grisha and Mafalda? She’d just be like “why can’t you just be kinder to people?” and Mafalda would wallow in teenage angst, or something.

two of your muses that could be best friends: Leta and Grisha? They’re both pretty different people but opposites attract and all of that. Plus they could bond over their pretty drastic but mutual experiences with Voldemort/Tom. And Grisha would definitely feel sorry for Leta and their unfortunate circumstance. Yeah, I do feel like they’d get along.

two of your muses that would make a cute couple: On the same topic, Leta and Grisha? Then again, it’s also more of the fact that Leta and Grisha are closer in age than either of them with Mafalda lmao But yeah, for the same reasons that I stated above.

two of your muses that are most similar: Leta and Malalda? They both had to grapple with issues concerning their identities and place expectations on themselves in different ways.

name of the muse you’d be best friends with irl: Grisha, probably. I’ve already talked about how nice she is and stuff, but also IRL I’ve just often gotten along and become friends with people way more extroverted. So you know, that’s just how it goes lmao

name of the muse you’d probably hate irl: Mafalda, I guess? If we were both in highschool at the same time, at least. I mean, I’ve met a few girls similar to Mafalda when I was in highschool, and I wasn’t exactly their biggest fans. Hate is a strong word, tho.

a faceclaim you’ve been eager to use: Holly Earl is a big one, fell in love with her as Erica Mason in the 2019 FMV video game Erica. She’s super pretty in it. Also whichever one I eventually choose for my Squib Slughorn journalist, because I have a lot of them lined up for her.

Tagging: anyone who wants to!

#( *✧ —— meme ┊ dash. )#thanks to oso!!!

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