wifeymomz

[wifeymomz]

OUR BIRTH STORY

Sunday 5/12 (mother’s day)

I woke up and went to the bathroom around 8am. I noticed there was blood in my urine with some clots and it was brighter red. I called wifey over and we thought it might be the mucus plug. We decided to call labor and delivery just to make sure we didn’t need to come in for further evaluation. After speaking with them, they said go ahead and come in. I was so nervous that something was wrong, but wifey is always reassuring. We go to labor and delivery and they hooked me up to the baby monitor and blood pressure cuff. The doctor performed an ultrasound and it looked like my water bag was still intact and baby looked good. After being monitored for an hour or so, they noticed that my blood pressure had increased a few times so they wanted to collect urine and blood. After another hour or so, my blood pressure had stabilized. Another doctor came in to speak with us about the results of the urine and blood tests which came back normal except they found protein in my urine which could mean I had preclampsia. The doctor offered us 2 choices: collect urine for 24 hours and f/u with my regular OB or they can do an early induction. We went with the first choice because it didn’t sound urgent enough that I needed to go into labor early and I didn’t want to be medically induced

Got home close to 1pm and our families were already at the house waiting for us to celebrate mother’s day. Sidenote: the weird thing is I had a weird dream the night before that we delivered on mother’s day.

Monday 5/13

Went to Kaiser to turn in my urine that I had been collecting for testing

Tuesday 5/14

Had a follow-up appointment with our OB. She reviewed that my blood pressure was okay, but the protein in my urine was elevated so I still wasn’t out of the clear for preclampsia. She suggested that I check my blood pressure daily and if it goes above 140/90 to call labor and delivery for a possible induction. She reviewed what that would look like and I had asked if there were options other than pitocin. She offered to strip my membranes (gently separate the amniotic sac from the wall of the uterus) which would be a natural way to induce me since she knew I really didn’t want to be medically induced. She warned me that it could be painful but I agreed and it definitely was uncomfortable. We were still scheduled for a follow up appointment the following monday if I didn’t go into labor yet and at that appointment we would schedule an induction if needed.

I went home so worried about a medical induction but also about possibly having preclampsia because it could be a serious condition if it gets worse. I just wanted to trust the baby that she would come out when she was ready.

Wednesday 5/15

1am-I woke up to a pain in my lower back that would come and go for the next few hours, so I thought they were contractions. They weren’t intense but definitely uncomfortable. I started googling whether or not I was actually having contractions after having my membranes stripped and it said yes…

4am- wifey and I took showers just in case we were going to go to the hospital soon

Unfortunately, wifey wasn’t feeling well so she rested/slept most of the day when she could. I just wanted her to get better before we went to the hospital

I tried going back to sleep but I just couldn’t, so I left wifey upstairs and went downstairs. For the rest of the day, I had contractions that killed my lower back and it was just so hard to get any rest since they were 8-10 minutes apart for hours. I sat on an exercise ball, walked around or bent over on the couch during my contractions. It was a sharp ass pain in my back and all I could do was breath through them. Eventually, wifey came down and we ate dinner, watched TV and tried to manage my contractions. Around 10pm, I called L&D since the contractions were now 5 minutes apart and more intense. They suggested to call again when my contractions were 3-4 minutes and to take a shower to help with the contractions which really did help!! The hot water felt so good on my back. It was a good time for us to get our bags and other items into the car. Around midnight, the contractions were 3-4 minutes apart so we called and they said to come on in. We got to L&D around 1am and were in triage.

Thursday 5/16

In triage, they checked my cervix and I was 4cm dilated. Thank goodness even though I wish I were further along since I had contractions for 24 hours already! I did have bloody show, but they were concerned since I was bleeding more than normal. They also asked what my birth plan was and I said unmedicated, which surprised them. A midwife came by and we were discussing my birth plan. Initially, we were supposed to be transferred to room 3 and then she said if I’m admitted within the next hour we could get room 7 which is what we wanted because it had the tub. It was so meant to be since unmedicated was our goal. One of the doctors came in to do an ultrasound and confirmed that the baby’s position was sunny side up which is why I was having so much back pain. Around 3:30-4am, they did a cervical check again and I was 5.5cm dilated and wanted to move forward with admitting me. We were transferred to room 7 and our nurse had suggested two different positions to try and change baby’s position: one was side lying with one of my legs up on a stirrup thing and the other was at the head of the bed in quadriped position with my knees as far apart. I tried both but eventually just wanted to do the sidelying position. When I had some contractions, the nurse applied counter pressure to my lower back which really helped and offered me hot packs. It was such a relief because I knew wifey wasn’t feeling well either and needed some rest. At 7am, they had the shift change and our nurse’s name was Kathy. gosh I thought it was a sign because one of my best friend’s bday  was today and maybe baby would be born. Around 10ish, they checked me and I was 9cm! we were like thank goodness 1 more centimeter and I could start pushing!

Wifey texted our fam to maybe head over just in case she would be born today. Her parents were already in the waiting room and my family started to get ready to head over. They checked again at 12noon and I was still 9cm. Every time they did a cervical check it brought on the worst contraction to where I would scream and cry. Our nurse gave me a TENS machine to use, which she said helps with back labors. It somewhat helped as a distraction from the actual pain. They offered me pitocin and I declined. I told wifey that I would accept it if I’m still at 9cm at the next check. Around 2ish, they checked again and I was still at 9cm so I accepted the pitocin. Now the contractions were closer together and more intense! They also offered me nitrous oxide and initially I said no. The doctor suggested to use the tub to see if the baby will change positions. The tub felt so nice and somewhat helped my contractions. After the tub, I asked for the nitrous gas which was helpful with helping me breathe through the contractions. the pitocin killed me because the contractions were closer together and more intense.  At some point, they broke my water bag to see if it would help me get closer to 10cm. It was such a weird sensation because it was just a warm gush of water coming out and it didn’t hurt.

I hadn’t gone to the bathroom in a long time and each time I tried and sat on the toilet I swear I was going to shit. The contractions were so strong! They did a bladder scan and luckily i wasn’t full yet. After several hours, they had offered me an epidural several times because they knew I was exhausted. Their intent was to get me some rest, but I really didn’t want it even though my contractions were painful and exhausting

8 or 9pm, they finally said I was 10cm and I started crying because I was so scared they wanted to give me an epidural or c section if I didn’t need it. My nurse then proceeded to straight cath me so it would help in my labor. Finally around 10:20, I was in active labor. We pushed in various positions. Initially on my back but that was painful because of my back contractions. Then we tried on my side but I didn’t like it either. Then we elevated the head of the bed and I was on my knees and forearms which I liked a lot.  We were there for a while and it was comfortable. The nurse that was with me was somewhat helpful and she tried to help me find comfortable positions. With my contractions, it felt like I was taking a shit and my bottom hurt so bad. Wifey tried to help me breathe through them but I knew my body wanted to get her out. At one point, I had spiked a fever so the OB came in and discussed that if I still have a fever in 30 minutes they will have to give me antibiotics and then that would mean the baby would have to go through a course of medications when she was born. We also discussed other options of helping get baby out such as the forceps and vacuum. After hearing that, my body went cray and wanted to push my baby out of me. It was contraction after contraction. My nurse went on break, so another nurse, Brie, came in clutch. She was an amazing and calm coach that guided me through the pushing. 

May 17 (Friday - Babygirl’s due date)

My OB confirmed that baby did change positions and I was so thankful. I was even more determined to push because they said they could see her head. At the very end, the OB said we’re almost there but you still need to keep pushing..I was so exhausted. At this point I had been up for almost 48 hours straight. I looked at wifey and said “i’m so tired, can we vacuum her out?” and she said of course do what’s best for you, I know you’re tired. Once we gave the yes, it went from 0 to 100 real quick. A whole team of people came into the room to prep and at the last 3 contractions, baby girl was being slowly vacuumed out. I started to see her head as I pushed out and then at 12:45am, 6lbs 7oz, 19 3/4 inches... there she was with a loud ass cry and of course we started crying from joy and just relief that she was finally here...

[wifeymomz]

PREGGO JOURNEY

We were instructed to take a pregnancy test 2 weeks after our insemination. Wifey was working the midnight shift, so she was on her way home. I woke up and had to use the restroom already so I couldn’t wait. I took the pregnancy test with wifey on the speaker and after a minute it had the + sign which meant we were pregnant!!! i screamed and started crying (of course). We couldn’t believe it! Was the test correct? Were we really pregnant? It was a Friday, so I couldn’t go into the lab until Monday where they would draw blood and check my HCG levels to confirm that I was pregnant. I can’t remember, but I believe I had to do this blood draw twice to make sure that the HCG levels were increasing, which they were!!! Looking back I wish we had told our parents in a special way, but we just called them to let them know we were pregnant. Of course both sides were excited since this would be their first grandchild. On a side note, this was new for both sides of our families so had to educate everyone on the process of how we got pregnant.

FIRST TRIMESTER: morning sickness/nausea galore! I was at work and I was craving french fries. One of my coworkers surprised me with McDonalds french fries (my fave at the time). For lunch, I had chicken and broccoli that I had warmed up. The smell of the broccoli started to make me feel nauseous which it normally didn’t so I couldn’t eat it. I started eating the fries which were delicious. We had a OT followed by a rehab meeting that afternoon and I drove to our other center in East Oakland. When I got there, I felt so nauseous I ran to the bathroom and threw up. Every time, I sat down and thought I was okay I ended up running to the bathroom several times to throw up. Unfortunately, this was how I let our rehab team know the news. For weeks, I relied on saltine crackers, ginger tea and ginger chews. I had them next to the bed, in the car and at work. Every morning, I ate a few saltine crackers to decrease my chance of getting nauseous which helped 50% of the time. I had to call off of work more often that I wanted. We had our 12 week appointment where we would have an ultrasound of the baby. To be honest, I was beyond nervous for this appointment because I had a few friends that had this appointment where they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat. I always try to stay positive but also didn’t want to be disappointed if I had my hopes too high. Wifey and I went to this appointment and there was the baby! Our eyes watered as we looked at each other and the ultrasound. I had to take the glucose test (where you drink that sugary drink) to determine if I was diabetic since diabetes runs in my family. Luckily I got the results back and they were within normal limits. We shared the news with the rest of our families and friends during Thanksgiving. During this time, I mostly craved soups and spicy food plus it worked out since it was the fall/winter season.

SECOND TRIMESTER: nausea & horrible headaches continued until 20 weeks then all of a sudden it disappeared. I’ll never forget we had a thanksgiving potluck at work and all the smells made me nauseous. I tried to eat a little bit but I had such a horrible headache. I took tylenol and ended throwing it up. It was the end of the day and I still had to drive home in 45 minutes of traffic. I felt fine until I was 15 minutes from home and felt like throwing up. I found a plastic bag in my lunch bag and threw up while I was driving (should’ve pulled over). Then I realized the bag had a hole and stuffed the bag in a ziplock bag. What a mess. I almost made it home but had to throw up more and it ended up all over my lap (yuck). I tried calling wifey but she didn’t answer. I got into the house so pissed from embarrassment that I took ti out on her. She asked how i was doing and I screamed…DON’T LOOK AT ME. To this day, we both still laugh about it. I went straight to the shower and washed off. At our 20 week appointment, this is where we went in not only to find out the gender but where they look at the anatomy of the baby. Gosh this appointment was so uncomfortable because they had to poke and prod at different areas of my abdomen and try to make baby move to change positions. At one point, they asked me to use the restroom to see if that would help the baby move. Thank goodness it worked. She put the results in an envelope for us to give to my cousin, Lyss, for our gender reveal. Honestly, I would've waited until birth to find out baby’s gender but of course wifey wanted to know beforehand. The whole time everyone kept telling me I was having a boy, so I started to believe that. I asked wifey if she cared what we were having and she said no. We had picked out names beforehand for a boy and a girl. We waited until March to do our gender reveal just based on when my in-laws were back in town and the availability of the community room we wanted to reserve. Finally, March 7th came around and we found out we were having a girl. Bless my cousin, Lyss, who held onto this secret for so long!!!

At one of my appointments, I had to do the blood glucose test again which i think is pretty standard. The results showed that my blood glucose was slightly elevated! Wahhhh! That meant I had to do the 3 hour glucose test at the lab. I had to fast beforehand then had my blood drawn and at the one-, two-, and three-hour marks after I drank that sugary drink. It was torture being pregnant and hungry!  was already hungry to begin with because I had to fast then wait another 3 hours before I could eat while drinking those sugary drinks. I definitely didn’t feel good that’s for sure. After the test, I drove straight to Chipotle and got a burrito bowl and devoured it!  The results came back and one of my values were elevated so they referred me to a dietician. We reviewed that I should eat more protein and less carbs because carbs equals sugar.

Side note: One of my close friends gave birth around this time and told me her birth story and let’s just say it got me thinking.  Up until this point, I wasn’t sure what our birth plan would be but it made me think that I didn’t want the epidural and wanted to do unmedicated…

THIRD TRIMESTER

We went on our baby moon in Hawaii at 32 weeks. Flight was slightly tough since I couldn’t sit for long periods of time and needed to get up to either use the restroom or walk up and down the aisle. We definitely enjoyed ourselves by eating all the food and lounging at the beach (our favorite).This trimester, I was definitely bigger and more swollen especially in my hands and feet. I had to use a reacher to reach for clothes in the washing machine and wear compression stockings which were so hard to put on. I was still pretty active overall…walked everywhere, a little slower of course, and still did things around the house. Wifey would say, you’re so active, sometimes I forget you're pregnant haha. This trimester prepares you for a life of no sleep because I would try to find a comfortable position, then had to go to the bathroom multiple times then have a hard time falling asleep again. Plus this is when baby girl was the most active, kicking and rolling around in my tummy. To be honest, that’s the part I miss the most is feeling her movement inside me. Wifey loved it when she could feel baby girl kick and move; she’d always sing and play the ukulele for her and read to her.

Luckily Kaiser offered classes for free so of course I took all of them from breastfeeding to postpartum care to birth preparation (where they discussed the different options for pain management). At this point, I was set on an unmedicated birth. I didn’t want the epidural because I wanted to be able to move around when I needed to and I didn’t want the other pain medications because I didn’t want it to cross the placenta and affect the baby, but they did discuss nitrous oxide which was a gas that I might consider. They had us practice various positions and strategies to manage the contractions too. I remember they had us put a clothespin on the skin of our forearm and try to breath through the discomfort for one minute. At home, we practiced with an ice cube (a tip I got from someone on facebook). I would hold the ice cube in my hand for one minute while trying to breathe and wifey would try the different positions we learned in class. I also did a tour of the hospital twice (Kaiser Walnut Creek)…once with my MIL because they had the midwives present for Q&A since and she was available to come with me and another time with wifey when she had a day off. During this tour, they showed us “room 7” which was the only room with a tub. They had mentioned it is first come first serve and women with unmedicated birth plans take priority. Luckily at this hospital, the midwives are assigned unless the birthing person prefers not to have a midwife or they have complications that require an OB. Our ultimate goal: have a midwife and be in room 7

I took the month off before babygirl’s due date to be at home, rest (I was getting much more tired from the commute to and from work and hated being in the car that long), nest (get everything ready) and spend time with wifey since it would be our last month of just the two of us.

[wifeymomz]

Let’s give it a try…IUI

For our 2 year wedding anniversary , we wanted to stay local and so we celebrated in Lake Tahoe. Side note: I had gotten my period a few days before our trip. We had such an amazing and relaxing time at the timeshare that we always stay at. We also went on a hike to a beautiful and secluded part of the lake. At the end of our trip, I asked wifey if we can try IUI since I was ending my period and would be ovulating again soon. Without hesitation, she said YES! So many feelings rushed through me, mostly excitement and nervousness at the same time.

August 17 (Friday), I called the fertility clinic to inform them we wanted to do the IUI and what were the steps we needed to take since I was about to be on day 10 after my period started. First, they scheduled an appointment for Tuesday (8/22) for a check up. They told me to purchase an ovulation kit and to check if I was ovulating on Sunday. If yes, then call them to change the appointment for Monday. If not, check again on Monday. I checked on both days and I was not ovulating, which made me feel sad but I had to stay positive and optimistic. I went to my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday for my check up to see if I had “mature” follicles and luckily I did!!! My heart was beating so fast from excitement because all I could think was we’re really going to do this. Honestly, from this point on…everything felt like a blur because it was go, go, go.

My doctor reviewed the next steps with me:

IUI appointment scheduled for Friday 8/24 at 1ish and sperm drop off for washing would be at 11:30am

call the sperm bank to purchase and schedule a pickup for Friday AM

inject the ovidrel into my abdomen at a specific time on Wednesday evening *Ovidrel injection is the hormone (hCG) that causes the growth and release of a mature egg

Lastly, she emphasized timing was everything

Remember when I said we had saved a few donor profiles? Wifey and I had to go through them again and then decide on a final one that was available. From memory, I believe one of them was no longer available and from the other 3 we were on the same page on which one we wanted. The next day (Wednesday), I called the Sperm Bank of California to purchase the sperm and schedule an appointment  for pick up. I provided the donor number and they informed me that I would be purchasing the last 2 vials of his sperm that would be combined into 1 for the insemination. They asked if I was okay with that and I didn’t know what else to say but yes? Since it was the last of his sperm, they were only going to charge me for 1 vial. I filled out the paperwork, paid ~900 and the pick up was scheduled for 10am.

Later in the evening, I shook my fertility rattle and texted wifey that I was going to do the ovidrel injection. She texted back with smiley faces and said she wished she could be with me but she had to work. The needle was not big at all, but I was so nervous and excited that I started crying. I thought to myself wow we’re finally doing this…this is real. I injected the needle into the lower left quadrant of my abdomen (that was the instruction provided) and then freaked out thinking what if I didn’t inject it in the right place and started reading the directions over and over again hahaha Obviously I was already a ball of emotions…I recorded myself so I could send wifey a video. I started to research tips for a successful IUI and one of them was decreasing my caffeine intake and stress. I thought yikes…I drink a cup of coffee everyday how am I going to do this? so I switched to black tea the next day. I also reached out to our closest family and friends to send us their love and positive vibes for a successful appointment, which helped with the stress

Wifey and I woke up early on Friday to make sure we got to our appointments on time. I couldn’t decide what to wear out of nervousness, so we decided I wear a color that makes me happy. I decided to wear a yellow shirt for positive vibes and energy (from this point on, I wore yellow to all of my OB appointments) Luckily  there was no traffic on our way to Berkeley. We parked and wifey already looked up a breakfast spot that sold breakfast sandwiches (my favorite) that was close to the sperm bank and walking distance. Breakfast was delicious and a great way to start our day! We walked to the sperm bank and after an elevator ride to the 2nd floor we were seated in the waiting room to fill out paperwork. The room had copies of articles around donor conceived families that we were welcome to take (which we did), so we can “read them later”. After ~15 minutes, the lady came back in with a white cardboard box, verified mine and the donor’s information and we were done. Part of the agreement was filling out a postcard with the result of our IUI afterwards…

We drove over to the Oakland Kaiser to drop off the sperm for our 11:30 appointment where they “wash” the sperm. From my understanding, they spin the sperm to separate the dead vs live sperm so that for the insemination we’re only left with the live sperm. Now we had to wait in  the car until 1 for our IUI appointment. We were both so excited that we definitely couldn’t nap plus I’m not really a napper. We took some pictures and boomerangs with the fertility rattle in the car before going into our appointment. One o’ clock was finally here and now we’re in the exam room. I was instructed to remove my pants and underwear only and to put on the covering provided. I was semi-reclined on the exam table with my legs propped up on the stirrups just like a pelvic exam. Wifey and I did our handshake right before the doctor came in…I looked nervous and she smiled reassuring me everything would be okay. Doctor came in, confirmed my name and DOB, nurse came in with the sperm vial, doctor asked to confirm my name and DOB again just to make sure everything matched. We were ready, wifey held my hand. The tube was inserted through my cervix which did not hurt since the tubing was tiny and the sperm was injected. No need to keep my legs propped up (like in the movies). She reviewed the side effects vaginal discharge , slight spotting and mild cramping. Plus, she told us to take a pregnancy test in 14 days. Just like that, we were done and on our way home…

Sidenote: That evening, I went into caffeine withdrawals with vomitting, chills, fever/sweating and worst migraine ever! I told myself I never want to go through this again. I decided to stop drinking caffeinated coffee and possibly switch to teas.

[wifeymomz]

My wonderful co-worker gave me this “fertility rattle” in preparation for the insemination and told me to shake it around my abdomen area daily. When I looked it up on google this is what I found: The rattle is used to call in the compassionate helping spirits to assist in healing work or to assist in a sacred healing ceremony. Shamans also work with rattles to "shake out" negative energies from a person that may be plaguing them and/or leading to an illness”. I was appreciative of her kindness and thoughtfulness. From that point on, I shook the rattle every night before bed, in prep for the insemination and right before we went into our doctors office #donorsperm #donorconceived #iui #iuijourney

[wifeymomz]

Here we go, time to shop….for sperm!

We’ve checked off our filters (see previous post) and a bunch of profiles show up. We clicked on one and we could choose to see the free profile or purchase the “full” profile. The free profile comes with 15-20 pages already and if you want more such info such as their diet, descriptions of their family members, etc you could purchase the full profile which is $40. Plus if you want their baby picture, you could also purchase it for $40. We decided not to spend the extra money we were already spending $100 for registration and $900 for a vial (which is now $960). We both didn’t feel like we needed to know the extra information given that the free profile already had so much plus we didn’t need to see a baby picture because it would not show what the donor actually looks like now? We were willing to take our chances.

Sidenote: you could also check the sibling catalogue to see how many children have been conceived with that sperm donor and plan ahead since the limit of offspring per donor was 10. I wish I had known this sooner and I’ll write about this later…

Here is a glimpse of the free profile:

INTERVIEW NOTES: this is where the interviewer(s) provide their impression of their appearance such as what they were wearing, the color of their hair, etc and their background such as where they were born, family they grew up with (both parents? Single parent? Siblings?), their upbringing and what they’re up to nowadays

DONOR PROFILE

Personal information:

Identity-Release® Program

Month/year of birth

Education

Current occupation

Ethnic origin

Religion born into

Religion practicing

Physical characteristics:

Height

Weight

Hair color

Hair type

Eye color

Complexion

Body type

Blood group/Rh

Baby photo available

Other distinguishing features:

Family medical history: based on donor, children, father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, maternal grandparents and paternal grandparents

Allergies

Gastrointestinal

Genitourinary

Heart

Mental health

Donor lab results

Chlamydia

Gonorrhea

Syphilis

HIV 1 & 2

CMV total antibody

Hepatitis B

Hepatitis C

HTLV 1 & 2

Urinalysis

Chem panel

CBC

Genetic screening results

Cystic Fibrosis: (> 500 mutations)

Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)

Hemoglobinopathies/Thalassemia

DONOR NARRATIVE (it reflects the original written work of the donor)

Math

Mechanical

Athletic

Musical, Artistic, Creative

Language

Writing

Literature

Science

Movies

Books/Authors

Albums/Musicians/Performances

Lot of information right? We were thankful that they had provided so much information with the free profile. Remember we could choose any donor at this point because I am CMV positive. Family medical history was important to us to see if there was h/o cancer or multiple family members with the same diagnosis, and personality. We appreciated the donor narrative part of the profile because that was where we could read about him from his perspective. Two questions in this section that we really looked at were why they decided to be a donor (did they put thought into that answer? Besides the obvious of getting paid to donate) and why they chose to be part of the identity release program.

I was obviously the more excited one and asked wifey if I could start looking at profiles. She said yes and I started sorting through profiles right away and emailing her ones that I found interesting. I mean we both had to be part of the selection process plus on her days off we would look at the profiles together and sort through them. I remember there was one profile that we both really liked and when we looked at his family medical history he had cancer on both sides of the family. As much as we did not want this to matter, we did not want to take the chance. We ended up saving 4 profiles on my desktop of ones we would consider. This was around June 2018 and at that point we weren’t ready yet…now the waiting game begins because I’ve done my part in terms of the preparation and we’ve narrowed down our donors but when would we finally do the insemination?

[wifeymomz]

CHOOSING A DONOR, the logistics

First, we had to decide if we wanted an anonymous/unknown donor or choose someone that we knew (if anyone was willing to donate to us). We both have brothers, so some suggested that we use each other’s brother’s sperm, so that our offspring would have “our” genes…so her brother would donate to me and either of my brothers would donate to wifey should she decide to carry. As much as it sounded like the ideal situation, we both said no. We just thought it would be too much to explain later that Uncle was actually their donor plus how would it make our siblings feel knowing their niece/nephew was “theirs” and what involvement they may want, etc. It just felt complicated. We both decided anonymous would be our best option.

Where do we even start? Luckily, one of my OT friends got me in touch with another OT who was going through the same process as us. She emailed what their experience has been like and gave us recommendations. In our area, there is a sperm bank in San Francisco and one in Berkeley plus there are other sperm banks in other states that can ship to us. We chose the Sperm Bank of California which is located in Berkeley because it would be convenient for us to pick up since our appointment would be in Oakland. We didn’t want to deal with traffic or the bridge if we chose to go with San francisco and we didn’t want to deal with the shipping. However, some of these options would have been for us if we couldn’t find the donor we wanted

Part of my preparation was blood work to see if a I carried an antibody for CMV (Cytomegalovirus). If I were positive, I can choose donors who were either positive or negative. If I were negative, that would limit my choices to donors that were also negative. This was to make sure the virus does not get passed on to the fetus if the virus were active. Luckily I was positive (I’ve been exposed to the virus in the past so I carried an antibody) so that opened our options. Let’s talk ethnicity. I’m filipino and my wife is Japanese and filipino. Everyone thought it would be best to have a filipino donor since we both were. Initially, we wanted an African aAmerican donor. However, we read articles about “fitting in with your family or looking like your family” and neither of us are African American or have family that are African American, so we thought it would not be the best fit. Through my blood tests, my doctor told me I had some rare blood disease that if I were to have a filipino donor and got pregnant I would be sick for most my pregnancy. She offered more testing, but I declined. Luckily, we both decided even before we started the process that we did not want a filipino donor. We wanted to have a mixed child and after discussion we decided we wanted the sperm donor to be hispanic. I mean hey, the beauty in all of this is that we get to choose

Let’s go shopping…(that’s what it felt like) Imagine you’re shopping for make up and you go to the filters and choose foundation, oil free, 0-$50 and powder. That’s exactly what we had to do but different filters of course. The filters included donor number, identity release, donor information (previous pregnancies/has baby photo), vial availability (available, available soon, temporary unavailable, Vial type (washed, raw), CMV status (positive, negative), ancestry (african, american indian, asian, european, jewish, latino/hispanic, middle eastern, pacific islander, mixed), eye color (blue, black, green, brown, grey, hazel).

What did we check off?

-identify release: by checking this off this meant that the identity of our donor can be released to our child when they turn 18 and request that information. We wanted our child to have that option in the future

-donor information: we checked off previous pregnancies because we wanted to know that his sperm resulted in a pregnancy (this will be a whole other blog post in the future). We didn’t opt for the baby picture because 1. we had to pay $75 and 2. this didn’t matter to us

-Vial type: we checked washed because that is what is accepted at Kaiser for the insemination. You can choose raw for at-home inseminations.

-CMV status: positive

-ancestry: Latino/hispanic

-eye color: didn’t check anything off here

After we checked off everything, we were provided with multiple profiles and had to sort through them which is a whole other post in itself.

[wifeymomz]

2018: the start of our journey

I’ve known forever that I wanted to be a mom. Since I was a child, I always played mom when we would play house. I’ve always been drawn to babies and truly enjoy taking care of others. However, wifey didn’t the feel the same about becoming a mom. We’ve been together since 2008 and got married in 2016. I definitely wanted to start a family right away but we weren’t on the same page. She wanted to wait.

Fast forward 2 years, at the beginning of 2018 we both had shared that one of our goals was to start a family. She expressed it wasn’t that she didn’t want to to be mom but it was mostly her fears of raising a child who would be different aka have 2 moms and just raising a family in the world we live in now. Validated her feelings because I had the same fears but reasoned out that we should at least start the process since we wouldn’t know how long it would take or if we’d be successful. She agreed and I wanted to carry first since I’m a year older and wifey wasn’t sure if she’d ever want to be the one to carry.

First things first, I wanted to get checked out to make sure everything inside was okay. My primary doctor referred me to the reproductive services for an initial visit. She had me do a procedure where they go in and check the lining of my uterus and fallopian tubes just to see if there were any scarring or obstructions that might impact me getting pregnant. Prior to the procedure like an hour before, I had to take an anti-anxiety medication that would help me relax. Wifey was there with me not only for support but she had to be the one to drive me back home since a side effect of the medication was drowsiness. The procedure was slightly painful because they have you laying on the exam table, set up like a pap smear and then insert the liquid that causes cramping. I had to do my deep breathing (in through my nose, out through my mouth) to cope with the pain. They were able to show me what they were looking at and the fluid flowed right through. The doctor said everything looks good, no obstructions and no scarring. We were cleared.

Next, I set up an appointment with the reproductive department at Kaiser in Oakland to review my results and check my follicle (eggs) count. She mentioned the results from the procedure were good and I had a good follicle count. Now what were our choices for insemination? This is a question most people have for same sex couples, well how did you do it? Most of the time, people assume that we chose IVF because they don’t know there are other options out there.

At home: Turkey baster option. Get the sperm in a syringe and inseminate. Each couple has their own way of doing this.

IUI: Intrauterine insemination. Get the sperm. Go to the doctor’s office. Doctor inserts a thin tube into your cervix and inseminates

IVF: in vitro fertilization. Process takes place outside of the body where the egg is extracted from the woman and then it is fertilized with the sperm in a laboratory. I know there are way more details to this than I could provide

At the doctor’s office, she had said our choices were: IUI or IVF since we had already decided we wanted to do the insemination through a doctor’s office and not at home. The doctor said that with IVF I would be guaranteed to get pregnant plus wifey’s insurance covers 50% of the costs. We decided with want to try IUI first since it was less expensive than IVF. Next up….choosing a donor