#I can talk abt anything... not even kidding ;⁠)
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bacchuschucklefuck · 7 months ago
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this whole thing being abt rage is also really interesting. I feel like it comes up so much in fiction as a motive because it's the one emotion that's unifyingly restless while everything else can be petrifying, and just personally nothing hits like impotent rage for me, esp. with teen characters, esp. with characters whose rage is stoked by Someone Else to further that Someone Else's cause. like you'll have done all that in a bout of passion and when you're done you look around you and nothing has changed. those sentiments don't get quelled by being satisfied. righteousness withdrawal is a horrible thing to intentionally drag someone into, least of all just some kids.
#I think Ive brought my personal experience into this whole thing lol but yeah just.#the ratgrinders read so much like radicalization to me. or you know just. high control group recruitment#and I've seen that one time brennan brought up uhhh conservatism? and where people come from with that#that quote of his thats like. before youre a fascist youre a bully. like extreme sentiments take root on specific soils#and that's like a higher level than what we're talking abt here lmao it's fake fantasy high school role playing#but yeah just like. the simultaneous understanding of the grift working on these kids bc they already think a certain way#and also the other part that is no matter what the way that they think is not. conducive to them being happy#like yeah a nasty person is nasty to be around! but that also means they're often isolated#which makes them even easier prey for people who want to use them#fhjy coming out in The Current Climate makes that connection so apparent too lol like#me hearing abt the rage god: oh so like twitter#for the record of course I Dont Know if this is a read that's intended by the show#but it maps well onto my experience with radicalization/decentralized cult#Ive just. been thinking abt the rat grinders in those terms ever since I made the connection#like. you're accomplished and high level and such. is this sustainable? have you done anything For Yourself#or has everything you've done so far been coerced out of you by someone else's sweettalking#anyways if I can run porter cliffbreaker over with a car I would. and I'd reverse on him too#truly thats the highschool trauma as well as the grown man with niblings talking lmao#nothing gets me more mad than a shitty teacher#not art
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stuffyflowers · 6 months ago
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*massaging my temples with an irritated expression* I am soooooooo tired of people misunderstanding starlos character
#his lawman persona is literallyyyyyy a persona it’s spelled out in the game itself he’s not a “real sheriff” guys plea#a lot of people specifically seem to not understand how he can’t fight you in vengeance but WILL in pacifist + neutral and even talks abt#wishing he killed you when he had the chance if you killed ceroba#when like. it makes perfect sense when you actually think about it for more than three seconds. the wild east is all roleplay. even vengeful#virgil. his greatest adversary is just roleplay. it’s completely believable to me that when faced with the situation in vengeance he would#hesitate. we know in pacifist/neutral that he’s aware of the fact he’s a fraud#and this would weigh on him HEAVILY in that situation#especially when the human he’s supposed to gun down is not only a human child but the cutting image of the very people he idolised all his#life#I think it’s soooo interesting that the only times he fights/talks about fighting clover is in moments of selfishness and desperation.#his boss fight is a result of losing all his friends bc of his own ego and taking it out on a kid he dragged into everything to begin with#in flawed pacifist he wishes he shot clover before they even did anything wrong bc he lost his best friend. and while we know there are very#ain justifications that can be made (including that ceroba herself wanted to die) the law stops mattering to star the moment clover shot cer#oba#and I love that about him. I looooove that he can be selfish as fuck and not think things through and lash out in a way unlike what you’d#expect from a figure that supposedly embodies justice and the law
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wilberave · 11 months ago
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the terrifying moment of realization when talking to a self proclaimed Leftist when you can immediately tell “oh. this person has never done an hour of community service in their life.” like. i know it’s been said before but your politics truly do not matter if you’re not interacting with your community in any way. you can vote in every single election and it will not have a fraction of the impact of 17 year old tyler who got sentenced to 20 hours of picking up litter and weeding the community garden. you can never once vote out of protest and read piles of theory and not come close to making the change that the group of 80 year old catholic ladies at St. Mary’s on the corner do with their weekly community meals and school supply drives. we live in the rotting corpse of an evil empire. ideas mean fucking nothing. the only thing that matters at all is physically extending a hand to try to help the people around you.
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mercymornsimpathizer · 4 months ago
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dutybcrne · 6 months ago
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Kaeya: Diluc gets rid of things he doesn’t need anymore…with how much he resents me, I must be no different-
Diluc:
Never banned Kaeya from the tavern, even with their History and how much Kaeya pesters him there nor makes any moves to
Kept every single letter Kaeya wrote to him while in Snezhnaya, which was also the vast majority correspondence penned by one person he kept in the Winery's stash (every Letter in Beautiful Handwriting/Hidden Strife Event)
Kept the fucken vase Kaeya used on a whim to give his Vision back in, even if it did NOT match the decor of the Winery (Genshin Manga/Venti SQ/Kaeya Hangout)
Was extremely patient with Kaeya accusing him of casting aside Crepus' legacy in response to him telling Kaeya to drink responsibly (Venti SQ)
In that same dialogue, was more in disbelief/offended that Kaeya seemed to believe he would ever think of callously throwing him out than by Kae's comment abt Crepus of all things (Venti SQ)
Stayed with Kaeya on the island the entire time, no matter how much they bickered, even though he could have gone after one of the others or even taken off on his own like they did instead (Midsummer Island Adventure)
Was genuinely surprised/touched when Kae revealed he thought fondly of their childhood days gathering seashells (Echoing Tales)
Let himself get arrested for Kaeya’s harebrained scheme to save a little girl Luc didn't even know about previously, and RIGHT after Kaeya outright accused HIM of being the murderer too (Genshin Manga)
Gave Kaeya a free drink without being asked when he came to visit him to deliver the aforementioned vase after the scheme was complete (Genshin Manga)
Never refuted Kaeya's claim that Dawn Winery was his home too, nor Kae's claims that people had every right to visit 'home' during festival seasons (Weinlesefest)
Let Kaeya score free booze for the Knights to distribute for the Weinlesefest to help better their image, that Lisa specifically sent Kaeya to ask of Diluc bc she KNEW Diluc wouldn’t say no to him (Weinlesefest)
Expressed he would have Elzer speak with Hertha bc Kaeya mentioned the Knights' financial situation as an afterthought, despite how much Diluc dislikes the Knights (Weinlesefest)
Got moody bc Kaeya didn’t want to stay for dinner and IMMEDIATELY jumped at the chance to make Kaeya stay when Addie intervened to insist (Weinlesefest)
Lets and NEVER stops the servants from referring to Kaeya as ‘master’ too (They do so freely in front of him in Weinlesefest & Kaeya Hangout in particular)
Was perfectly okay with Kaeya staying at the Winery when he left, even after their dispute (Letter with Clear Handwriting/Hidden Strife)
Always remembers every single one of Kaeya’s silly excuses to try and get free wine out of him, and teases him for forgetting which he’s already used & precisely how long ago he did (Kaeya Hangout)
Is said, by Elzer, to in fact be completely fine with Kaeya stealing drinks from the Winery, even if he outwardly complains abt it (Kaeya Hangout)
Solemnly asks about Kaeya when he thinks Kaeya already left, and unpromptedly talks him up to Traveler in regards to Kae's own ability to the Winery (Kaeya Hangout)
#//The fact that this list is so LONG speaks for itself jdngft#//Fruits of my research for a Thing I'm writing and I just#//cjkbrdg#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//I think my favorite detail is Luc getting pissy Kae didn’t want to stay and dine during Weinlesefest; like bro#//What did you THINK he was gonna do when you greeted him so coldly compared to Traveler djfbfb#//Luc is SO doting and Kae’s just#//‘Hm he’s changed too much since we were kids…he’s gonna throw me out of his life as easy as he sold our childhood home-‘#//I still find it so funny that THAT was Kae’s tirade of a response to Luc telling him to drink responsibly#//Like#//mans fucken ESCALATED that so gottdam fast#//Kae feels uncertain in his own hangout abt going to the Winery when Luc is there; when the man was prolly happy to see him stop by#//Moody yes; but then you talk to Luc AFTERwards; and he’s asking if Kae left yet like he didn’t actually WANT him to#//The mixed fucken messages; I swear to fucken god#//My goddamn clowns#//Their fight made difficult for them both to communicate things at times; but it's ironically KAEYA who finds it the hardest#//KAEYA who can smoothtalk his way through practically anything and can seemingly handle people & tough situations with such ease#//Meanwhile Diluc is continuously showing his care the best way he knows how via these indirect/wordless gestures#//Also can we give props to how Luc didn't even WANT to admit he kept the vase in Venti SQ but outright TELLS Kae he kept it in his Hangout#//The GROWTH. That or Luc's getting real tired of Kae acting like he doesn't care/want him around mdfbfkgf#//He's so fucken doting; I C R Y#//Such good big bro#//Weinlesefest's things will forever my faves tho kjgf#//'Surely you wouldn't DREAM of DISAPPOINTING ADELINDE?' Oh I bet Addie wouldn't be the ONLY one so disappointed by Kae not staying ngvsfdg
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faunabel · 5 months ago
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apparently i also put tolerate it by taylor swift on my playlist for vene....... i also see it. perhaps in a looser sort of way.
#( 💭 faun thinks )#maybe i'll talk abt some of the songs i put on there for him..... because i can. nobody can stop me in my own home.#with this one in particular probably a controversial take but i see it relating to his close relationships#because... think about it...... a lot of the ppl he's closest to insult him... esp romano... and even germany#that + how i see him having issues w/ self worth given his history of being chased after for his inheritance#+ the fact that he clearly takes words to heart with how much he praises others and seems to love being praised#i think he actually doesn't feel that loved but keeps up w/ trying to be loving because it's all he can really do#acknowledging that feeling of discontent would just create problems he doesn't want to deal with#and doesn't think can be dealt with to begin with#do the people he loves actually love him or do they just tolerate him#also i see parts of this tying into his childhood w/ austria as well#being scolded and bullied despite attempts to Be Good and earn Approval#which i think particularly fucked him up after living w/ rome and being treated overall well#only for him to die and vene to be kicked out into the real world where he was terribly mistreated#i see him feeling like he fell from grace in some way going from being a good kid who was praised#to one who could never do anything right (being a hyperbole)#thus feeling like he has to earn back or maintain that status of being Good#yet also w/ his experience of being sought after for his inheritance... ok losing the point here but i have Thoughts#thoughts i keep in the tags... for now...#keep meaning to make on itapost on this topic but then i get too nervous lol#i've also been wanting to make an itapost on vene's feelings towards rome and how he feels like he has to live up to some standard#in relation to him (but obviously doesn't and how that affects his self esteem)#soon maybe#itaposting
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crumbleclub · 2 years ago
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Thoughts for your consideration: a Michael who's so unused to being treated like a person that he has no idea at all how to respond to people being kind or comforting or even just. Acknowledging that he has thoughts and feelings?
Ik this sounds like an angsty concept but it's intended to be the start of things that are happy for him. Like he's given the chance to have positive interactions with someone (ghosts? henry? does he manage to secure a standard human friend somehow? fuckin helpy?) and yea he short circuits in the short term but in the long term he's way better for it and kind of learns from experience how he can express his own feelings and things which allows him to feel less isolated
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termagax · 9 months ago
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u know at the beginning i kind of thought kfp4 was gonna do something with shifus whole. deal. but they didnt like at all which is a shame
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dysaniadisorder · 9 months ago
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i hate how normalized military is in the us im gonna rip my hair out
#i just. was talking w friends today#one of them was talking abt how he was almost convinced by the recruitment lady to join the navy and i was like. dude#and i was talking about how messed up it is that they send in people like that and catch kids like him#and my friends were like. you cant really blame her for doing her job. its her JOB like yes. it is her job. its fucking Bad#my best friend got all angry cuz his dad was in the navy. babe idc if he didnt actually fight he shouldnt have done it ♡#''people get drafted'' you have to dodge the draft.#''thats illegal'' yes. this is a requirement for if you are drafted. you Have to just not.#no one said action would be comfortable nor convenient. in fact it is going to be almost none of either#you are gonna have to face that the military murders human beings and your dad is not any better#and people who its ''just their job'' to do it chose that job. and they know#''you cant get mad at the worker woman; you have to get mad at the institution'' no im mad at the individual woman too#just because its your job to manipulate kids and kill Arab people doesnt mean its okay#''not everyone in the military is actively fighting'' no! they arent. but they are helping those that are.#they are not complicit but actively helping. you have to do anything and everything you can to just Not Fucking do that#ANYONE in the military has failed being a decent human 101. being in any part of the military means you are okay with centuries of genocide#and encourage even more. its not 'just your job' you are OK and more for relentless murder and i wish you harm#anyways. sometimes repeating & internalizing the things ur parents say means watch our for road traps and the beatles are good.#sometimes it is US propaganda and just because it is in your own house and coming from a loved one doesnt mean you cant not fall for it#edit not to mention him saying this the day after aaron bushnell died. dude#unethical jobs exist. it is everyones job to bring them down#''its just her job'' was Bushnells sacrifice not fucking enough for you??? and the millions of dead Palestinians????? christ
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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months ago
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another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me
#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is#this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions#like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why#like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business#but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go#if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like#what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos#[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture#someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding#someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar#one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim#''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake#and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things#anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like#the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious#every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me#thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost#wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc#how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol#as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh
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radrobotz · 3 months ago
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i think the funniest ocs ive ever had were it was like a next gen crossover au where all webseries (of the 2000s-2010s for reference) exist in the same world but its like the kids of the characters and the main character (and couple) were an eddsworld fankid and a dick figures fankid
#i dont think i Ever got around to making any other characters i doodled tf out of it in a journal that. idk where it is#lost forever or thrown out which is sort of sad i feel like theres gotta be smth in there....#anyways i think that would be a funny idea for an au still actually but i rewrote the ew kid into a different story#and the mild inspiration for the au gives me the ick i never even read it just thought ''oh big xover cool''#though i think. the ew kid when i first rewrote him i think i gave him a crossover fankid s/o again but idk what the fandom was#cuz i had mentioned it on the blog i was using him on and was vague about it#from context clues in my mind from that time. first year or so of highschool. fucked up it mightve been a tmnt fankid#ALSOOOOO so everyone can rest well. the ew fankid was the kid of one of the main guys BUT!!! the mom is never specified#and i dont think i had a mom in mind the kid looks like 99% like his dad#the dick figures girl was blue x pink obviously. was her name pink. the fankid was called magenta#i swear there was at least 1 other character i mightve had when i first made it. but that would be in Lost Journal#i bet if i kept it going i wouldve had a htf kid or a charlie the unicorn kid cuz i was sick in the heeeaaaaddd#i never posted like anything about it. 1 pic on dA long deleted and talked abt them to The RP Girl#i still love the ew kid dearly but its bc i saved him from That#ACTUALLY THE EXTRA FUNNIEST FCKING THING WAS IN CHATS for some reason despite how eddsworld is#i accidentally implied the fankid was. born in canada. cuz im canadian and it leaked into the writing#DUNNO WHAT THE EW GUY WOULD BE DOING IN CANADA but that detail which i only realized NOW is rlly funny to me i want it canon
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dullahandyke · 1 year ago
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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eclaire-went-bam · 8 months ago
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hiii:33!! friendly reminder that someone can enjoy a character that has done heinous things and not support said heinous things
usually when a character does Bad Things in a narrative (espec if they're not the protagonist) it is Portrayed As Bad so people who enjoy the character Likely Know They Are Bad
& either way harassing people over enjoying a fictional character is just really childish
if you don't like the character, that is perfectly valid. but there's never any reason to characterise everyone who likes said character as Evil, and/or imply they condone the character's negative actions.
also sometimes i look at internet discourse and it's like people want morally grey characters but then turn around when "morally grey" is not always "i have my own rules but i still make all the right choices !!" some of y'all just need to admit you just like good characters that's fine not everyone is into the spice it's ok to like that good protagonist energy
;;;not saying every character i'm referring to fits in that "morally grey" category, some are just evil villains, but even then i'm sorry 90% of ur stories wouldn't exist without them. they drive the plot.
#not really a rant#being in the hazbin hotel rdr2 and genshin fandoms just rlly makes me question people sometimes#maybe tumblr's fine? idk i've only gotten more active on tumblr suuuper recently. but i've definitely seen some rancid stuff on#**other platforms#fandom#there's also definitely gender bias in this let's not lie to ourselves.#there are some things a character can do that they'd forgive in a man but not a woman and vise-versa#generally speaking people who go “i know she did the same thing but He's So Babygirl” or “he did the same thing but She's Just A Girlboss”#rlly annoy me#it's fine to like one character over another even if they're pretty similar and use those terms to describe them#but ive seen soo many people criticise one character but then suddenly forgive the same crimes from another character on the basis of gender#it's seriously annoying#idrc if a character has done bad things but is more complex like dutch van der linde#or is simply evil just because they can be like the three vee's#just stop. no i don't like them to romanticise their crimes. especially if you put it into a realistic context#shocker !! il dottore enjoyers do not want kids to be experimented on#sometimes i'll even just Mention a character i like and someone will just go “i hate them they're so ugly die die” like bro i know.#r u done now. be normal. i know ur being silly but it's annoying that i can't talk abt anything because y'all gotta make VERY clear that#so&so is a bad person like yea no duh!#anyways oop long tags 💀💀💀#maybe this was a rant after all. i've seen this moral purity with characters both online and in personal friend groups & i care abt my eps#but some of y'all gotta chill
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nosleep83 · 1 year ago
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‼️REALLY LONG VENT IN THE TAGS PLS SCROLL PAST IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE THAT OR ANYTHING IM OK JUST FRUSTRATED (Ik I also say this in the tags but just in case)‼️
Maybe I do need to see a therapist 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we#deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to#give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in#the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when#projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing#dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will#ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do#something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r#stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even#then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a#broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything#done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i#think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with#thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno#whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is#hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse#but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday#unrelated
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girl-bateman · 7 months ago
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Gaslighting, my old friend, I'll fall for you every single time <3
#i have known my dad is an alcoholic since i was literally 4 and my mom told me thats the reason she divorced him#ive been to COA support group twice in my life. i have the horrible personal anecdotes. i have the constant anxiety.#and still !!! with the right amount of ridicule in the right setting ill question everything#a spiral of misery and self doubt and paranoia etc etc#for context: im on a vacay with my dad and sis and his childhood friends#and i published a short nonfiction story where i talk about how isolating it can be when your parent is an addict#and EVERYONE is making constant jokes in reference to this text like 'ohhh like the alcoholic i am *wink wink* im gonna have another beer'#several times a day. and ive just not been saying anything abt it bc i feel guilty abt 'exposing' my dad even tho isnt not even a secret#but seeing as my sister is never on my side abt this and that his friends are obviously on his side i feel like the loneliness girl on earth#and tbh there rly isnt any sides to this bc addiction is just a horrible fucking disease for everyone involved#but he makes it into this awful game where i always come out the loser bc im just a kid and i cant make anyone believe me#im not a kid. obviously. but thats what this feels like. like im the little kid with silly stories no one believes#and the worst part is i wrote the text trying to reclaim what has been a lifetime of centering HIM and his addiction into everything i do#trying to protect him and his dignity#and this was my trying to reclaim my life and talk about how IM affected for once#but once again he ends up being the centre of conversation of my text. which. btw is about a lot more than my dad
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