#I can see them from my main (this is just a sideblog)
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Is it just me or is Tumblr being weird? Like I've reblogged a couple posts and it just keeps showing me that notification of "failed to send post"
#mun talks#is it because I tried reblogging stuff from blogs that have my acct blocked?#I can see them from my main (this is just a sideblog)#and I honestly didn't know they had me blocked :I#honestly good for them for curating their content but#oh lordy do a lot of people have me blocked lol#probably bc of Mediscout..... yeah....#or bc I like SpeedingBullet and Bloody Suit#makes me a lil sad that I cant rb their stuff but oh well#it is what it is#or is it the “Not proship” in my bio. does it look sus. be honest#uh oh I rant on tags
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...I'll be so honest the "I don't care how nice it is don't send me chain mail" post where the chain mail in question was just smth like "send this to 12 of your favorite blogs! keep the positivity going ❤️" or smth reeks of "if you spam like I'm blocking you" vibes
#literally like. yeah chain mail can be sucky but like. this was literally just someone wanting to brighten your day???#:/#mine#like. imagine just getting a little 'send this to a blog you like' thing and. gasp. sending it to. gasp again. a blog you like#and then seeing them screenshot you and be like 'i dont care how nice it is don't send me this'#like. i wouldn't be just unfollowing id be BLOCKING#not just the main either. id be dragging my ass to my laptop to go on my sideblogs and block you from THERE#main? BLOCKED. sideblog? BLOCKED. sideblog you use more than the main? BLOCKED. sideblog you abandoned two years ago? BLOCKED.#and ALL YOUR MUTUALS TOO
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me, 30 minutes ago: its 1 am and i should sleep <3
me, immediately after: refreshes tumblr, decidedly does not go to sleep
#i say this like its funny haha#but tbh it is mostly because i am so fucking. Devastated about the horrible shit happening to palestinians#i saw so many videos and pictures today of such horrible things that they’re suffering through right now#and im seeing it through a screen from my safe little bubble in my house and its still destroying me emotionally and mentally#i cant imagine the fear and horror they must be feeling in gaza#and the fact that they have probably felt this fear and horror for a very long time because of israel’s ethnic cleansing of their people#im in such a privileged position and the least i can do is spread awareness and i donated what i could and i have plans to reach out to my l#local government and encourage them to speak up and condemn the genocide of palestine and im looking for local protests and shit like#im gonna do what i can but i know i cant do enough as just a singular individual with low social impact and not a lot of money#but i’ll still do what i can no matter what#i wouldnt be able to live with myself knowing i sat back and said nothing while the palestinians suffered so much#which honestly i already did because i wasn’t educated about it prior to this past week and thats entirely my fault#i mean partially i know its western civilization not showing the horrors that israel has committed but i try to stay in the loop on things#and try to be aware of things happening in the world and i failed to become aware of this before now#i could have been doing more for years to try and spread awareness for palestine and i never did and i wish i could go back and change that#but i cant#but what i CAN do is speak up now that i know and spread awareness and refuse to let palestine go down without a fight#sorry this is a fandom sideblog i know ive been posting a lot on my main blog and i do need to go to bed and whatever#its just hard to sleep knowing that as i sit here safe and comfortable in my bed there are children families innocent people dying in gaza#and the world is actively and successfully trying to paint palestine as the bad guys#its fucking awful and despicable
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If somebody just sent me an ask on this blog, Tumblr deleted/hid it automatically and I did not actually recieve it. (I saw a notif in my inbox but found no new asks when I went to check) So, whoever that was, you could try sending the ask again but anonymously this time, but if Tumblr's eating my asks I can't quarantee I'll recieve it, sorry
#Moon posting#I dunno my notifications have been weird for a while. Like I can see I have recieved reblogs likes or comments but can't actually see them#Like I'll go check the notes and I see the number is up but nothing shows up in the notes#I'm lowkey assuming the notifs could be coming from blogs I have blocked?#Because this is a sideblog so usually when I block an account they get blocked on my main ONLY#So the blog could in theory still interact with this blog just not my main#But if Tumblr notices the blog isn't supposed to show up in my notifications then? Yeah that could explain the ghost notifs#But yeah#If I have you blocked on main and that's why Tumblr automatically deleted your ask from my inbox: try anonymous but it might be borked stil
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Blog(ger) Shift
I am, so weird and bad about original posting and about reblogging and about saving things on Tumblr and that's why my blog has been mostly inactive or the lurking consumer type. But I don't want my fears about putting myself out there, being seen and known, articulating myself well vs. having been told my whole life I'm too wordy and opinionated vs. not managing to articulate myself well enough to justify being verbose and passionate, etc. to continue to control me so much.
So for my new specific-interest sideblog that I'm not locking, I hope it being themed will help me with making more original posts and reblogging, and I'm publicizing that here to push myself and also welcome interaction.
RIP to my other public specific-interest sideblog and the fandom sideblog I took over for someone that I didn't take further and to my private sideblogs that were meant to make me reblog and save and say stuff because they would be personal and just for me. I still would like to make those happen and reblogging and posting things that matter to me here, and oh my heart for the content ideas I haven't been working on, but they're pipedreams with how I'm (not) managing my life and I keep kicking those cans down the road.
To the person who I developed a real relationship with as a beta but who by now I probably count as having disappeared on with how long it's been and my not coming back to explicitly say I still can't help and don't know when I can, I am so sorry. I'm being a coward languishing in hoping I can tell you soon that I can get back into beta-ing for you and talking, but that's turned into me not talking to you because I'm waiting to be able to say something positive. Hopefully my vaguing here can help push me into talking to you, or at least this is here for you to read if you happen to see it; and I want you to know you absolutely can talk to me, can call me out, and if you're so gracious as to still want to be friends with me and just chat despite my dropping being your beta, I'm here for you and still want to be your friend even if I don't know if I'll have the spoons to be a good one and I know my saying that preemptively isn't apology or justification enough.
Honest assessment, I'm going to curse and say my living situation and work have both become even more of a shitshow, and with those things in mind I can't begin to imagine handling a real project until basically literally a year from now.
Which segues back into the main topic of this post. My goal isn't to have my new sideblog be like an active mainblog nor to abandon this blog—people interested in that blog can and should still interact with me here given how primary vs. secondary blogs on Tumblr work, and in terms of using that blog to help make me be a better Tumblr user, I think I should make certain original posts here and reblog them there as opposed to them being original there. With my mental-emotional and time resources, I want that blog to be "active" for a given definition of active, but really I think I should see my objective as "clear out tabs and likes and photos and lists and notes and drafts, etc. from the last four months" by saving stuff there, as opposed to my goal being the original posts I want to make there, and actually my long-term goal should be to use that momentum to do the same for older digital and physical storage that hasn't been lost or stolen. In my failure to be an interesting person, do I at least manage to be fascinating as a basket-case? Ha. But, also, as expressed above the Read More, the exercise of my danmei/Chinese sideblog is supposed to be a foray into me allowing myself to be an interesting person.
#my stuff#Ok I think there were just the two posts so far to be reblogged from here to my side blog#At this point I think I can determine the amount of “me/original” put into them warrants the My Stuff tag per how I think I meant to use it#But I'm not adding the tag to those posts and am instead letting people know they should check my sideblog and the Main tag there#which actually means search for Main because I think not everything will show up since Tumblr only organizes by the first five tags?#how long have I mistakenly thought only the first five tags showed in the Tumblr-wide tags but that the others would still work on blogs oo#and probably danmei related posts will be original on the sideblog and Chinese related posts will be related here#Now back to the tags from before I went over those two posts#lol at my private blogs that have drafts but nothing posted or reblogged#I stand by my aesthetics designing all of these though#will have to do some thinking on headers and icons and blog titles/descriptions if I end up getting to the point of#clearing up and saving stuff for interests I didn't already make sideblogs for#And it's funny (sad) that for the fandom that I thought would be lasting for me personally and for fandom as a whole and I made an ao3feed#blog for given that and not realizing someone else already had after ao3feeds broke and because of my thoughts on how to organize for Tumbl#I'll still be interested for beta-ing for my friend and in my content ideas that will probably never see fruition#but I feel less than for any other fandom like I will want to go back and reread and I think that some ill feelings from this fandom must'v#affected me more than I thought. Hopefully things are more positive though because while I'm not feeling so much thinking about my fav fic#when I cast my mind about for other good writing and beautiful stories I do feel more urge and drive to reread#Hopefully it's that I still love that fic but am fatigued on the rereads I've already given it but I still have the spark of love for the#fandom and perspective will help me focus back on fondness for the community especially remembering that higher level of and more#contemporary involvement were why I could reach the threshold of having more negative experiences
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It's not such a huge deal for me, but when I reblog ask memes, I hardly get anything in my inbox for them, which makes me wonder if I'm just really intimidating somehow, if it's because I have anon off (which I do because I have major trust issues on this godforsaken website and I will only turn it on upon request of mutuals I am close with and can trust, and then I turn the option back off), or maybe no one sees me reblogging them somehow, or people are unsure what to send. I can also reblog ooc/mun memes and get nothing in my inbox.
#ooc#//i see some of my mutuals getting ask memes sent to them#and we reblog the same meme sometimes#so ye... i wonder if i'm intimidating sometimes#or people just dunno what to send or what muse to send it as -shrugs-#i may be tired af and i'm not always around on this godforsaken webste#but y'all are always free to send me ask memes#or toss something at my muse#a random starter or anything#that is if we are mutuals of course#don't forget i follow back from chishigure cuz this is a sideblog to that#though i contemplate on if i wanna give craig his own blog i can actually follow people from#since the muse for my main blog has been extremely low#he was also one of the muses i had fun writing... :(
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I'm still reading this person's fics bc they're been posting more of them, but I still feel like I failed the social interaction somehow and I'm really scared to keep reading them bc what if they're the sort of person I hate on the down-low? Or maybe they just hate me bc I dislike those kinds of people, while they're more neutral? Maybe they've even assumed something about me that isn't true, wrt to my DNI that I think might've started all of this. idk. idk. it's making me anxious to not know for sure. I wonder if I should just cut my losses again, here.
#it just bothers me that they stopped talking to me immediately after I mentioned the DNI and how they seemed not to violate it#maybe they DO but I don't know that bc it's not obvious? or maybe they're weird about people with DNIs?#some people take umbrage at people with a DNI; I can sort of get where they're coming from but also I still think they have useful function#other people think that some of the specific things that are barred are being too harsh but like. I don't think that I am being unreasonabl#with this particular thing here. unless again they assumed something else...#... maybe they're bad in a different way? I'd still feel bad about liking their stuff but much less horrifically disgusted and guilty...#augh I just don't KNOW!!! they haven't blocked my main bc I can still see them in my sideblog's notifs but I haven't tried to talk to them-#directly on the sideblog since the conversation abruptly ended. maybe they just didn't see it or aren't online often? or are online-#somewhere else. I think they DID used to have a twitter...#hh. seriously considering cutting my losses but I REALLY don't want to do that here unless I really truly have to#bc there's just so little fandom content; and also seeing the number go up without actually being able to see the fics themselves#would still cause me some amount of stress; bc it does with every other person I've blocked on there
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large zionist blocklist below
i've compiled a list of all the blogs positively interacting with the @/israel-palestine-bingo blog
there's more info about how the names were complied under the read more, but just to get an idea of how vile the blog is, i just want to quickly mention that the first prize offered in their pinned post, "eight hours of memi mamtera," is the song used in the viral israeli tiktok trend of kidnapping, humiliating, and torturing palestinians in the west bank.
and the "grand prize," which needs no explanation, is "all of palestine! for free!"
some quick info: all the names here have either approvingly replied to, reblogged from, or liked one or more of @/israel-palestine-bingo's posts. for likes, i've only gathered names that appear under their original posts; mostly ones that have not been reblogged, and some with 2-3 reblogs that have not left the immediate sphere of zionists. i've also made sure that these are blogs who have either liked more than one posts from them, or who frequently reblogs from other zionists.
you can also quickly look through the blog yourself (it doesn't have that many posts), or check out any of the names on the list with a quick 'israel' or 'palestine' in the search bar or their blogs.
there are more screenshots at the end of the posts, including ones showing who made the blog (ani-lo-daredevil / katenotbishop), and the bingo board itself (ashenpumpkin).
blocking tip: fastest way to mass block users (on desktop) is to go to settings -> the blog your blocking them from -> scroll all the way down to 'blocked tumblrs,' and then copy-paste the name your blocking
names listed below in alphabetical order reminder again, block don't engage
2peachy acleverforgery ani-lo-daredevil apollo-enthusiast ashenpumpkin <- credited for making the bingo board, reblogged/liked almost all of their posts. aureatecorvid avi-on-jumblr (main @/clear-what-i-was-seeing) awstheticshit bambahalva bleepiesheepie bluenorther blueredfetch bones-and-crows britneysmeanshirt cannibalism-is-my-love-language captain-navii casavanse celepito chubbybubba ciitrus--fruitz coffeelovinggayidiot da-socks davos-is-the-one-true-king dchan87 disregardenedgnostic elder-millennial-of-zion faggotry-enjoyer fdelopera flowercrownsandfairylights fluffel677 fluffy-art-moss george-lucas-is-god got-chavi icereader12 illegitimatetenenbaum inklingm8 its-hila jewishlivesmatter just-illegal karinhasdacookie
katenotbishop <- the main account of the person running the blog. her sideblog is @/ani-lo-daredevil
kelluinox kingofslush letaot-ze-magniv lingonberryjamistakenwhat lovelyhairedpianist magic-coffee marrymepadfoot marvel-ous-posts masters-puddle <- pornblog mixmangosmangoverse morganas-simp mossadspydolphin multifandermissesanakin nameless370 namiko026 nevleg32 notcrazyiswear oakstar519 perfectlynormalperson psychologeek queerius randomname3 redvodyanoi rhysaka sally006 sbinklebooper scp-1296 shinekocreator <- commented, 'but is this the 8 hour version?' on a post where someone ''won'' the song used in the tiktok torture videos. snakelung sort-of-a-demon soxiyy stuffandatherstuff tearsandice tedious-waffle thebejeweledwatercat the-library-alcove thirdmagic thisgingerhasnosoul timegirl tolaat-bli-toelet <- the person running the bingo blog. mainblog is @/katenotbishop transmascpetewentz tribulation-of-somnolence unexistencerpg viktorrotkiv wanderingmadscientist whiterose-blackrose whitesunlars why5x5
note: @/tolaat-bli-toelet changed her username to @/ani-lo-daredevil (her main is still @/katenotbishop)
and from the same post,
the last post was also reblogged by the creator of the israel-palestine-bingo blog
#zionist blocklist#block don't engage#after looking through the blog i began recognizing so many names from it among the liberal crypto-zionist crowd#which is part of why i decided to make this list to begin with#and again - if you're worried about the way i've compiled the names you can look through the blog yourself#it doesn't have that many posts and you'll get a better sense of why i'm singling out this blog and the people who interact with it#their latest bingo post rn is one where they've attached their meme game to a news article about that school-room massacre#where civilians were - including young children - were shot and murdered at point-blank by IOF soliders
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Tumblr (for newbies):
Reblogging ≠ reposting. You aren't stealing content by reblogging it, it's basically a 'group share' button. It also helps give artists/posts attention and you can reblog to interact with people. Reblog things you like.
Reblog bait. You can reblog it, but if a mutual hates reblog bait, you may tag it with 'reblog bait'. Or, find a tag with your mutual to put on posts they don't like, and block the tag under the 'content you see' tab in settings.
If someone reblogs your post, and you like their reblog, you just liked your own post.
(Sideblog section)
See my name? This is a gimmick. If a Tumblr says 'officially-(company/country/state)' then it's probably a gimmick! Check their content first because there are a few actual brand blogs, like Grammarly!
You can only make 250 posts (per email) on an account per day. This is called 'post limit' or 'PL'. I am currently on account 2, because I post too much. You may or may not hit post limit in your lifetime.
You can create as many sideblogs as you want, but you cannot like, follow, or send asks as a sideblog, and if you do so, it'll show up as from your main.
(Gimmicks)
Nobody can see your main from your sideblog, so you can have as many followers on your gimmick and none of them on your main
You will see gimmicks. A lot. It's fun.
You can interact with a gimmick as a non-gimmick
As a tumblr user, you have anon powers. You can turn any/most gimmicks into a pretty princess by typing something like '*turns you into a pretty princess*' into their ask box.
Nobody will be mad at you for making a gimmick. At all. There are like, 4 Jesus gimmicks. And it's great.
(General)
Tag a mutuals post with '10k to me', 'future 10k', '10k', or 'this will have 10k' for some fun chaos :3
Submit posts to PM Seymour's discord for MORE fun chaos
(General controls and understanding of Tumblr)
If you are in a youtube video online, you have broken containment
If you are getting a bunch of notifications from a post, you can hold down a notification from it or click the three dots on the post and click 'mute' to stop getting notifications (other than mentions)
You can also filter your notifications by clicking on the top left of your notifications tab and tapping 'custom'
The 'for you' tab of Tumblr is what the algorithm thinks you'll like based on your interests and stuff
The 'following' tab is blogs and tags you follow
On Tumblr, you can add not only extra notes in the tags but also regular tags. Spaces are allowed
If you get an ask from a Palestinian blogger, check yourself (you may find places where it's vetted/verified in their reblogs. You can also tell by them having no photos/story at all [no name, no information, just a donate link], and scams commonly use photos from Google images. Be suspicious if there's anything other than GoFundMe or something similar. PayPal is banned there.) or send a screenshot to me/somebody who offered to help. Then, you can answer the ask so people who can donate can see it, or donate yourself. DO. NOT. PRESSURE. YOURSELF.
Tumblr has a unique punctuation, in a way. which you will figure out on your own. An example is. periods to show a slight. pause
It reminds me of poetry
You can post whatever you want and you will find your people
Block people who make you uncomfortable and report bots for spam.
Welcome to Tumblr
Do what you want forever
#ask for more detail about a point if needed#or wanted#im summarizing here#and other questions#have fun tumblring!!
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Wish, Hope, Dream
Pairing: Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: You thought a night would be long enough to clear your head, but a bit of doubt lingers in your mind. Word Count: Over 2.6k Warnings: Slight angst, insecurities, longing, Natasha and Sharon being both good friends and devil's advocates, ongoing AU, feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning) Previous Part of AU: We Don't Talk Anymore A/N: More Dreamboat and Butterfly from my Reconnect AU! Sorry again in advance, lovelies. ❤️ Beta read by the wonderful @whisperlullaby , but any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
You thought having answers would give you peace and allow you to rest before facing Bucky in the morning. Oh, how wrong you were. The tussle between your mind and heart didn’t stop, giving you one of the worst nights of sleep that you could remember in a long time. At least your pillow had dried from your tears.
And what was it that you were crying for? Relief that Bucky had feelings for you or were you mourning the lost time you could’ve had together had you two talked sooner? Perhaps both.
“Just get up,” you mumbled, willing yourself to get out of bed and lay out a random sundress to wear.
You wondered if anyone else was awake as you showered and brushed your teeth. Guilt crept in for skipping out on game night. Whatever transpired between you and Bucky, you couldn't let any of those feelings bleed into the rest of the time with your friends. You had to suck it up no matter the outcome.
Glancing down the hall as you left your room, your gaze lingered on Bucky’s door before your footsteps moved in that direction. You raised your hand to knock, wanting to check on him and make sure he got enough sleep. Part of you was tempted to sneak in and crawl into bed with him. Not even completely for sex, which you did not need to think about, but to have him hold you close and assure you that everything would be okay.
And to stop torturing yourself.
But you let your hand fall. You didn't want to assume that he wanted to see you first thing upon waking up. Assumptions and not communicating were what led you on this path to begin with. But you didn't want to smother him.
We can still figure it out together.
You crept downstairs, spotting a few empty bottles from the night before. The main floor was dark, minus the sunlight coming in through the windows and the kitchen. You stayed quiet when you saw Natasha and Sharon huddled together in a hushed conversation by the counter.
Which stopped the moment you walked into the room.
It didn't take a genius to figure out that they were talking about you. Not with the concerned look in Sharon’s eyes. Natasha, on the other hand, stared back at you in contemplation. At least it wasn't pity. You couldn't take that.
Did Bucky tell them? Or did they figure it out?
“Hey. Sorry for skipping game night,” you said, shifting on your feet as your gaze flickered between them. “Guess Steve and Sam aren't up yet?” You asked, purposely not mentioning Bucky.
“Don’t need to apologize,” Sharon said, concern continuing to show in her eyes. “I think they’re getting a run in.”
“Oh. Gotcha,” you said. Looking between them again, you hoped things wouldn't be this awkward for the rest of the week. “Am I interrupting? I can just grab breakfast when you two are done.”
“Not interrupting. Go sit in the living room,” Natasha urged, nodding toward the direction of the couch. “Look like you could use a pick-me-up.”
“Smoothie?” You guessed, glancing around at the array of fruit ready for blending.
“Oh, yeah. Better than coffee,” the redhead teased as she threw a few pieces into the blender with some ice, bringing a small smile to your face as you went back to the living room. She was a good friend.
All of them were.
“You okay?” Sharon asked, sitting beside you on the couch.
You hesitated for a moment. You adored them and always would. But when it came to Bucky, you feared everyone would always side with him over you. Your chest tightened at the thought that if things went south you’d get left behind.
And hadn't you been left behind once before?
“Yes and no,” you answered, not wanting to expand completely yet as Natasha walked in and handed you a glass, your hands gripping it tight. They didn't need to deal with your issues, did they? “Did Bucky talk to everyone? I’m guessing he said something since you two are looking at me like I'm going to break.”
“We don’t think you’re going to break, but you look on edge,” Natasha answered, taking a seat when you didn't disagree. “The guys talked to him a little bit. He wouldn't give them all the details, but we know you two had a long overdue chat.”
“And the way you bolted upstairs last night and how he looked like a kicked puppy, we guessed it didn't go well,” Sharon added, raising an eyebrow. “I think Nat wanted to kick his ass.”
“He looked like he kicked his own ass. Would've just been rubbing salt in an open wound if I did anything else,” she said with no trace of humor. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“It may help,” Sharon said.
Maybe.
With a deep breath, you told the girls what had happened. How you and Bucky admitted that you had feelings for each other, which neither of them appeared surprised by in the least, but that you walked away from him once the talk was over. How you wished you would’ve given him a chance then and there, but didn’t. It helped and hurt to tell them about it.
You hung your head by the time you finished, your throat tight. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, swallowing a little. “This is supposed to be a fun trip and I’m messing it up with my issues.”
Sharon rubbed your back as you took a sip of your smoothie. “Hey. You’re our friend. You didn't do anything wrong or mess anything up, okay? We all love Bucky, but he's an idiot.”
“Huge idiot. Don't know what you see in him,” Natasha winked as you scoffed. You would always try to see the good in him, even when you were upset. “But I have to say, I’m glad you two finally told each other how you feel.”
“Took you long enough,” the blonde teased halfheartedly. “Kind of hoped you would've said something before we showed up.”
Heat rushed to your cheeks. The gang ran late to the beach house on purpose. Of course, they did. The girls were perceptive. Always had been. “So, you knew.”
“Everyone knew, except for the two of you. What’s that trope?” Natasha questioned, her gaze directed at Sharon. “Idiots in love?”
“Oh, yeah,” she smiled. “You two are a walking romance novel, torturing yourselves for no good reason.”
“So, I'm an idiot then?” you said, narrowing your eyes when they both opened their mouths. “You know what? Don’t answer that.”
You beat yourself up enough.
“Like I said, I’m glad you told him and now you finally have confirmation that he feels the same way,” Natasha said, cocking an eyebrow. “What's the problem then?”
“What do you mean?” You replied.
“You said you took the night to think, but you don't exactly look like you're ready to move forward.”
“Because I don't know if I am,” you admitted.
You were overthinking the situation. You wanted to be with Bucky, but some of your wall was still up and you didn't know how to tear the rest of it down. Why was it so hard?
“Look, I'm not excusing what Bucky did because he's an idiot for going out with Dot instead of talking to you, but you know how he feels now,” Natasha began, diplomatic and level-headed like always. “Do you plan to keep him at a distance as a way to protect yourself? Or are you maybe punishing him just a little bit for seemingly abandoning you?”
Leave it to her to ask the tough questions.
“I'm not trying to punish him,” you promised. Both of you had punished yourselves enough. “I just don't want him to hurt me. I mean, I spent two years thinking he'd never want me, but he just didn't want to fight for me,” you said, tears brimming your eyes.
“Or maybe he thought he never stood a chance and settled,” Sharon said. “Which, again, he’s an idiot. Most guys are.”
“So, what are you saying? That I should just pretend the last two years didn't happen?” You asked.
“No,” they said in sync.
You huffed. Why were girls both direct and cryptic? “Then what are you saying?”
Natasha grabbed a tissue and handed it over when a tear slid down your cheek. “We’re saying that we think Bucky is genuinely sorry for his stupid assumption and wants you to be his girl. Start slow if you have to and set the ground rules. If it means him apologizing every day with his words and actions, he will. And we know if you gave him your heart, it would be the last thing he'd break. Don’t you owe it to yourself to be happy?”
“Yeah. Maybe just start with a date,” Sharon said, tilting her head when you didn’t say anything. They were only trying to help, but why did it feel like pressure of sorts? Did they fully understand your apprehension? “You really don't see how he looks at you, do you?”
“Why would I when I convinced myself he'd never want me?” You whispered.
Bucky had convinced himself of the same thing. Maybe the two of you were idiots. How long would you continue to torture yourself? They had a point. Why not start with one date and see where it led?
What would be the harm in that, besides risking your whole heart?
“Well, we see how he looks at you,” Sharon said, her eyebrows shooting up. “Wait. I have it.”
Natasha narrowed her eyes. “Have what?” She asked. You wondered the same thing.
The front door opened before you got your answer, your heart skipping a beat when Bucky stopped in the doorway with a beach bag in hand. You realized after a moment that he was still in the same clothes he wore the day before, his eyes bloodshot as he looked your way. His hair was disheveled, too. He didn’t look like he slept well, if at all.
It broke your heart.
“Hey, Butterfly,” he croaked when you got to your feet, clearing his throat with a tired smile. “You look beautiful.”
“It’s just a sundress, Dreamboat,” you said, the compliment making your stomach flip before you took a step toward him. “Are you okay?”
His eyes lit up. “You’re still calling me that?”
“Of course, I am.” you smiled softly. He’d always be your Dreamboat. “Did you get any sleep?” You added, sighing when he confirmed your suspicion with a shake of his head. Had you been on his mind? “Why not?”
He gripped the bag handle like a lifeline. “I needed to find a way to say I’m sorry. Tried writing a letter and it wasn't enough.”
Your heart swelled, glancing back at the girls as they both gave you an encouraging smile. “Look. Before you do anything, why don’t you take a nap?” You suggested. “It’s still early and I’m not going anywhere.”
“A nap sounds like a good idea before volleyball,” Natasha said, leveling Bucky with a look. “In fact, why don’t you get him to bed?”
“Nat,” you hissed. Of course, she’d suggest you take him upstairs.
“Yeah, we’ll catch up with you two in a bit,” Sharon said.
The hopeful look in Bucky’s eyes was irresistible. “Come on,” you said, taking his arm once he kicked his shoes off. You felt his gaze on you as you took him up the stairs. It amazed you that he didn’t trip over his own feet since he kept his eyes on you. “I can tell you’re staring at me.”
“I half expected you to be gone this morning,” he said, opening his door. “I wouldn’t have blamed you.”
Your stomach dropped. “You think I’d bolt after the conversation we had?” You asked. Did he think little of you now?
He chuckled under his breath. “I said half expected,” he teased.
Instead of releasing your arm, he pulled you into his room before you could protest. It wasn’t a good idea to be there, yet there you were. Not fighting it as he pulled you toward the bed.
His large, inviting bed.
“So, what’s in the bag?” You asked curiously to distract yourself as he set it down and stretched out on the bed, pulling you down with him. He gave you plenty of room so you wouldn’t have to cuddle close. He also left the door cracked open.
He was giving you an out.
“I can’t show you yet because I have to put it together,” he yawned, giving you an apologetic smile. “It’ll spoil the surprise otherwise.”
A giddy smile appeared on your face. He was actually going to make you something. “I’ll be patient,” you said, letting him keep your hand in his.
“Haven’t we been patient long enough?” He asked, his hair falling in his eyes as he gazed at you. Even exhausted, he was breathtaking. “I know you needed the night to think it over.”
The smile fell from your face, silence stretching in the room before you squeezed his hand. “Bucky, you need to get some sleep.”
He couldn’t mask the dejected look on his face. It wasn’t an outright rejection, but you hadn’t exactly declared that you should move forward. “I couldn’t sleep,” he said, his voice thick. “All I could see were the tears in your eyes and knowing I caused them.”
“It’s okay,” you told him. It was an assurance for yourself, too. You were okay and he hadn't tried to hurt you.
“It’s not okay,” he argued, the familiar determination back in his eyes. “And I don’t want to sleep. I want to make you smile. I want to win you a stuffed animal at the carnival.”
“You promised me that at dinner yesterday,” you teased.
“I want to take you dancing,” he added, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.
You could easily picture him smiling as he twirled you around and moved to the beat. Maybe that could be your first actual date. “As long as you don’t step on my feet.”
“I want to take you to bed,” he whispered,
You inhaled, your heart pounding at the implication. “Bucky…”
“I want to hear about your day. The little things, even the details that you think are mundane,” he said, scooting a bit closer. “I want to be the one you talk to and depend on again.”
Each declaration worked its way into your heart. Why couldn’t you just take the leap of faith? “We can’t just-”
“I want you to be my girl,” he said, his face inches from yours. “I want to give you everything.”
Your heart screamed at you to comfort him, kiss him, to tell him the same. “Bucky, you’re not giving me anything until you get some sleep,” you whispered, resting a hand on his cheek. He needed rest. “Please, for me?”
“I’m afraid if I close my eyes, I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone,” he whispered, fighting to keep his eyes open. “I can't lose you again.”
You didn't want to lose him either. “You won't lose me because I’m not going anywhere. I said we’d figure this out together and I meant that,” you promised, needing to give him hope. “Close your eyes. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
He finally shut them as he breathed out, “Butterfly, I lo…”
You gasped as Bucky trailed off, smiling to yourself as your eyes misted over. You weren’t going to run. Not from him. Not when you owed it to yourself to be happy.
You told yourself that as his phone rang.
Even as Dot’s name showed on the screen.
It's fine, lovelies! 😭 Things will look up. Love and thanks for reading! 💙
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
#navybrat writes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x female!reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky barnes x f!reader#best friend!bucky barnes x reader#best friend!bucky barnes#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes au#james buchanan barnes#sebastian stan#reconnect au#dreamboat and butterfly#bucky fic#bucky fanfic#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian stan x female reader
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☆ MASTERPOST // INTRO !!!
[ ALL THE BLOGZ I RUN: @killzbitezz (sideblog) @killersanz (killer sans askblog) @dailykillerr (daily killer sans that i have not posted on yet erm) ]
✦ . ��� . ✦ . ⁺ ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
╭───────────── * ˚ ✦
hii !! im killer, but my friendz + mootz call me killz !! welcome to my blog ^_^ i love u too brutiee @mewobrute <33 (more stuff under the cut!!)
╰───────────── ✧.* ⋆
✩ ABOUT ME !!! >_<
FIRST OFF, HERE ARE SOME OF MY FLAGZ !!! :3 ↓↓↓
my main prnz are he/it/bite, but i alzo use vamp/fang/bone/skull/blood/gore/knife ! (plz dont refer 2 me w they/them)
my special interest is undertale + utmv ! (if that waznt obv enough..)
i love love LOVE horror gamez .. some of my favz rn are kinitopet, imscared, house, ddlc, rental, and bonnie's bakery :]
I HAVE A PERSONA ! u can find itz ref sheet here :] i uzually draw myself as either him or juzt killer sans !!
I LOOOVE MY MOOTZ, FRIENDZ, AND PARTNER <333
some of my current hyperfixationz are fionna & cake, smg4, regretevator, atsv, invader zim, adventure time & dialtown !
i have a guestbook !! leave a little note for me to read if u want :3
some of my fav bandz/artistz are talking heads, misfits, bad brains, rio romeo, lemon demon, will wood, pixies, melanie martinez, alex g, 6arelyhuman, goreshit, sex pistols, potsu, the living tombstone, etc. !
some of my fav songz are alien blues, vampire culture, laplace's angel, dr sunshine is dead, seriously?, genius of love, at the movies, charlie's inferno, etc. !
✩ my tagz !
#killz art - my art !! :3
#killz rb - reblogz
#killz yapz - my yap sessionz
#killz answerz - answerz to my askz
#vent kinda - my (kinda) ventz
#tag/ask game - self-explanatory
#killersanz - stuff related to my killer sans ask blog !
#killz fingie doodlez - stuff i drew w my finger :3
#killz srb - self reblogz
#killz sans - my sonaaa ^_^
✩ dni
basic dni criteria
istz + phobez
epiciller, /r + /sx errorink, etc.
pro/dark/comship (or whatever you call your weirdo selvez..)
irl doublez (unless i knew u beforehand!!) (im irlz of killer, reaper, & epic.)
minorz who post nsfw cuz ion wanna see that shit man go do ur homework
slander of my interestz/special interestz + hyperfixationz like stfu
mockery of me and/or my traitz (i.e my typing quirkz)
unwanted criticism, especially if i didnt ask for it. stfu part 2
anyone i've had drama with + my exez (fuck you)
HOMESTUCK. and hazbin hotel + helluva boss (tbh i dont rlly care if you like these mediaz and interact with me, just dont talk abt it in front of me yknow)
✩ byi + boundariez
i have autism + adhd, BPD, & typing quirkz !! tone indicatorz are optional when talking to me, but i appreciate them.
i'm an irl + fictkin ! i have a few c-linkz as well.
im not a roleplay account btw /srs
my art requestz are alwayz open ! can't promise i'll alwayz do them, but they help me out with inspiration though :3
DO NOT REPOST MY ART. i will find you
if you use my art, credit me. you dont alwayz gotta ask me before usin my art, but i appreciate it if you do !!
my askbox + dmz are alwayz open !! i love meetin new people n gettin to know em :] im fine w tagz, commentz, & spam-likez/reblogz too !
i might accidentally spam-like (i get too excited).
just because i make suggestive jokez and im hypersexual doez not mean i'm not sex-replused from time to time.
im a DID system and use i/me pronounz. i don't talk about my DID often becauze i see it as unimportant to other ppl.
i'm nonhuman !! plz do not refer to me as human. i prefer skeleton termz over everything else. im ur favorite homozexual cryptid-skeleton :3
i tend to ramble, say thingz that are out-of-pocket, have trouble with volume control/typing in all capz, make inappropriate jokez, flirt with & tease my close friendz, etc. if u ever find any of this bothering, plz inform me and i will stop.
i love drama + gossip, i will argue with strangerz on the internet just to spite them bc i find it funny ^_^ (only if theyre in the wrong and deserve it.)
i have strong opinionz and will shit-talk you if you're a weirdo who deservez it.
my blog, my rulez <3
★ last updated: 10/5/24
#killz yapz#every drawing in this was drawn by my finger#my finger is now numb#i'll update this anytime i can :]#killer sans#something new#utmv#sans au#undertale au#masterpost#artist intro#killz art#killz fingie doodlez#killz sans
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joelscruff -> @pedropeach 🍑
so! this past little while has certainly been a dumpster fire of a situation! but if anything, something good that has come out of it is that this was the final push i needed to finally make a new blog.
i've been wanting to do this for a while; some of you may already know (because of the amount of times i've complained about it lmao) that joelscruff is and always has been a sideblog. when i first created it i hadn't used tumblr in years and wasn't anticipating using it very much again, so instead of just making an entirely new blog i decided to just make a sideblog attached to my very old (and unused) main. but obviously once i realized there was a whole ass community on here for pedro and pedro character fic, i ended up sticking around and - as a result - being stuck as a sideblog.
unfortunately being a sideblog on tumblr is extremely limiting. i can't follow from this blog, send asks, or even like posts. it was only very recently that sideblogs were even able to reply to posts. it's always been extremely frustrating and for the longest time i've toyed with the idea of just making a new blog so i wouldn't have to deal with the sideblog limitations anymore. but of course i was hesitant because making such a big change and leaving behind what i've done on this blog is a difficult decision to make.
however, after the shit that's gone on the past week, how it's affected me, seeing how it's affected the people closest to me, and witnessing the love and kindness from others because of it - a fresh start just sounded like a really good idea. the fact that i am no longer limited by tumblr's sideblog rules is incredibly freeing and, frankly, all of this stuff has just left an extremely bad taste in my mouth and has left joelscruff feeling like a shell of sorts that i'd like to leave behind.
so, you can now find me at @pedropeach
it's bittersweet to leave this blog behind, but i will be keeping it up as an archive - none of my fics will be deleted. at this time i don't see myself reposting them to the new blog, nor do i see myself posting any fic for a little while in general. however, when i do decide to start posting fic again, my current series will continue to be updated over there as well as on my ao3.
so yeah! whether you want to follow the new blog is up to you! if you decide to say goodbye or stick around, i appreciate you and the time we spent together on this blog all the same. it was truly an incredible experience and i will cherish it forever. i love you 💖
#a few people have already found me over there and the support has been so heartwarming#i really do love being a part of this community and i'm excited to have a new space 💖#I CAN FINALLY LIKE POSTS!!!!!!
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For the past couple days, I've been unfortunately cursed with thinking about Zenos yae Galvus. I don't even particularly like him - not that I dislike him either, Zenosfuckers you can put your scythes down - but it seems to me like a lot of the fandom either greatly misunderstands him, or doesn't even care to try to understand him, which from an objective standpoint as someone who cares deeply about writing in video games kind of pisses me off. But I'm more pissed about the fact that I'm apparently going to keep thinking about this issue until I actually write a character analysis of him.
Q: "But, what even is there to analyze with him? Isn't he all about wanting to fight the WoL and nothing else?"
Well, you wouldn't be wrong with saying that. That motivation is at the forefront of his character, and even if you look closer, everything about him comes back to either "violence" or "lack of understanding of others". But there are more meaningful sides to his deceptively simple character. That question of meaning is what I really want to look into - what does his character mean, what symbolic or thematic role does he play in this story?
Q: "Better question: why are you posting this on your art blog/Fate meta sideblog?"
Good question, with a stupid answer: I have all of 6 followers on my FF14 sideblog, and around 150 here. Let's go under the cut so they don't have to read a wall of text, unless they want to.
When you look at and compare FF14's villains, you can see a very clear change, no doubts thanks to the change in main writers. ARR Gaius and Thordan are more or less two-bit villains - Gaius's memeable iconic Praetorium speech gives us insight into how fascists try to justify themselves but little into Gaius's actual personality, while all Thordan gets as far as depth of character is an NPC in a sidequest remarking that he wasn't always a bad person and was probably doing what he thought best for his nation. Nidhogg is a little more understandable, since revenge is a relatable motivation to anyone who's been hurt by others. In Stormblood, Zenos and Yotsuyu are both presented as deserving of pity even as they do terrible things. Come Shadowbringers and Endwalker though, the story takes a greater interest on why villains like Emet-Selch and Elidibus do the things they do, and the player is allowed more options to try to understand them and see how similar they are to the WoL. Hell, Hermes and the Endsinger are barely "villains" at all, with the level of sympathy the story shows them.
What I'm getting to here is that Zenos, with half his arc in Stormblood and the rest in Endwalker, is sort of caught in the middle of this shift. He played the role of the rival character in Stormblood really well, but come Endwalker, he's standing on a stage full of heroes and villains with grand causes and deep motivations, as the guy whose sole motivation is fighting for pleasure.
It seems he's not unaware of this contrast himself - when Jullus confronts him for ruining Garlemald for no good reason, he retorts with "Would you be happier had I a good reason?" Zenos makes no attempt to justify his own actions and doesn't care that his reason seems incomprehensible and unforgivable to others. Yet in that same cutscene Alisaie hits him with the fact that if he keeps living solely for pleasure, he'll die alone. When next we see Zenos, he's alone at the Royal Menagerie waxing philosophical about what he really sought in the battle with the WoL.
See, what really motivates Zenos isn't just the thrill of battle - this guy has gotten Battle High and the joy of human connection confused. Really.
Even before he gets so perturbed by the idea of dying alone, there's other suggestions, like his proposal of friendship to the WoL when they fought in Stormblood, and then later his dying words in which he explains that he never understood others - at his core, he's just lonely. I know there's an official side story that tells it, but you don't need to know the exact details to glean that he had some sort of tragic backstory. Sad, but not a surprise, considering he's the prince of the Garlean Empire, raised to take the throne and continue the Empire's legacy of violence.
At his core, he's a very lonely person, but also a thing of violence, raised using violent methods for the purpose of causing more violence. Violence is how he lives and breathes - the only way he gets any sort of connection with others in a world of hurting and being hurt is the brief connection warriors dueling as equals can sometimes find. Don't deny that this sort of connection exists - FF14 is great at making fights that are both fun and tell a story. Hence, why he goes crazy for the WoL, but also refers to them as "friend". In their fights, he senses (or thinks he senses) similarity between him and them. Beneath all the madness is a pure, genuine joy in seeing the self reflected in the other...but he also instantly gets on the train to projection-town, population Zenos, and assumes the WoL is exactly like him, ignoring or failing to notice that they also fight for deeper meanings. The worst part is, he doesn't even notice that what he's actually seeking in fighting them is connection until Alisaie's aforementioned callout.
So he goes and angsts for a while, then turns into a dragon again and flies across the universe to help us kick the Endsinger's tail feathers, then issues his challenge for that duel he'd been longing for. But what's changed is that he starts with a question - "Such pleasures you sought for their own sake, and for no other reason, is that not so?". Dying after the duel, he's full of questions too: "Was your life a gift or a burden? Did you find fulfillment?" Alisaie's suggestion that he'd die alone actually spurred him to realize what he actually sought in the WoL, and now he's asking all these questions in an attempt to, for the first time in his life, genuinely connect with another human being.
The questions aren't important just because they're a sign of how Zenos has changed in Endwalker - they're actually the thematic heart of Endwalker! ARR may have had "Answers" as it's theme, but EW is the expac of questions. Namely the biggest question of all: What is the meaning of life? Different characters have different answers to that, leading to the grand-scale symbolic conflict being the Endsinger's despair - her belief that there is no meaning in life - versus whatever reasons the WoL chooses to live for, left, as always, up to player interpretation.
When you look deeper, Zenos isn't actually as out-of-place in the symbolic conflict as he first seems. His depressed worldview - that metaphor about drowning in a swamp again - seems to align with the Endsinger's view about life being meaningless. But he aids the WoL in defeating her. In that way he serves as part of the answer to her question about the meaning of life. He may have resented life at times, but he still found meaning in chasing pleasure. Not the strongest or most beautiful reason to deny oblivion, perhaps, but it did enable him to help the WoL triumph. I think of Zenos's philosophy as being connected to the concept of "Amor Fati"...largely because this quote explaining it sounds like something he'd say, or at least agree with on some level:
"and if our soul has trembled with happiness and sounded like a harp string just once, all eternity was needed to produce this one event—and in this single moment of affirmation all eternity was called good, redeemed, justified, and affirmed."
So he does have a meaningful role in Endwalker, as the "Amor Fati" against the Endsinger's "Memento Mori". I think that in this the story shows that his reason for living, while somewhat shallow, is not necessarily a morally wrong thing in and of itself (setting aside for a second all the people he hurt in his pursuit of that). It's just that, since it is a lonely pursuit that denies everything except for his target, it still feels empty. The core of the counterargument against the Endsinger's despair is that both pleasure and fulfillment are necessary to live a meaningful life in a meaningless universe, and that's why Zenos is here in Endwalker. Why he even exists in the story in the first place.
Even if you're one of the people who deeply hates Zenos...well, you probably wouldn't have read this whole thing if you did, but I still think it's important to read into characters you dislike, because every character in a story is written for a reason. Plus, trying to understand even their worst enemies is one of the WoL's key traits as of ShB and EW. With his last breaths, Zenos was trying to understand the WoL too - carrying this understanding of him with you as we move into our next adventures is the least you can do for your "friend".
#ff14#ffxiv#zenos yae galvus#zenos viator galvus#endwalker#ffxiv meta#endwalker spoilers#meta posting on my art blog#god why did i spend my afternoon on this all this proves is that I need to be put in an English class again purely for enrichment purposes
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For context, a tumblr account has been posting anon hate for the past week or so, mostly toward writers. A parasocial hater of mine discovered the account and has been going to town. I posted this after they invoked Israel as an analogy. Yes really.
Obviously I am disgusted by what I just read, and floored that anyone would post such a deranged analogy in the interest of stirring up fandom drama. I'm very sorry to everyone who has been attacked and everyone who has witnessed all this. Others have posted about the situation as a whole, and I'm not sure what I could add. But I want you to know many of these "confessions" are from one individual who has been fixated on me (and probably others) for weeks if not months. I already had the following in my drafts:
warning: please don't read this if you're sensitive to hate or could be triggered by the trivialization of real abuse. (edit: they went on to trivialize genocide too but they'll pretend to be different people). there's also a really gross anatomical reference.
the screenshots are all after I blocked them.
I normally don't address things like this, but that's because I'm trying to keep it off your dash and off my blog (for several reasons including not wanting to give the hate a larger audience for their message). Normally I block/delete. But thanks to a blog dedicated to posting anon hate, some of this is already on the dash, and I thought some additional context could be illuminating.
a couple weeks ago, this person chimed in on my non-fandom post, and their comment made me uncomfortable. I checked to see if they followed me and they didn't, plus their blog tagline was antagonistic. I was confident they weren't being earnest. I replied, pointing out my issue with their comment and asking them to keep their thoughts to themselves rather than coming at me from a sideblog. I thought they must have followed me from a main account since they somehow found an untagged, unreblogged post without following me. But I now realize they were simply hate checking my blog.
(Blocked the burner too)
They were saying this last bit preemptively - I've never talked about stalkers here. I didn't include all their anons, just enough to show they clearly out themselves as being the same person. In other "confessions," they make repeated references to a former fandom writer they idolize (not me) who they also posted about on their blog.
I won't be dropping this creep's url in this post, but I had never heard of them. This week they have repeatedly changed their url, display name, and blog appearance. Their writing is recognizable and I believe they are responsible for the unhinged asks preceding katy's departure from tumblr. They also made a rude comment on her post.
This may only aggravate them. I expect them to hurl any lies and accusations they can think of toward me. They will act like they're laughing and amused, too. You may recognize their tone. I want to trust this fandom not to believe and repeat anything they hear, but unfortunately my experience in this fandom leaves me pessimistic.
I can only hope people use common sense at this point.
Note - I know I'm normally really private about everything, but you're welcome to share this. Their lies are already out there anyway. Also feel free to DM me and I will tell you what you want to know.
Update: the anon-hate account referred to above has deactivated. It was named pedgeconfessions. It wasn't the first to pop up this summer and may not be the last.
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Aita for block evading to check if I’m blocked?
I (14f) know for certain I’ve been blocked by 5 people on this app two for looking like a bot when following and the other because I didn’t want to Rp with them even though I didn’t know them
This is about the other two who I don’t know why they blocked me, I’m not trying to refollow them or look at their posts in secret I don’t even talk to them maybe sent a couple asks to the first one but not the second and was never a mutual with them just a random follower
The first one made me really stressed because they blocked me while I was on the blog so I thought it was a tumbler error, so I double checked by searching them in google and looking at them and searching them on tumblr to find they had a sideblog I followed that blog and found they blocked me again I’ve since left them alone but have been stressed since I don’t know what I could have done to get blocked since I never sent any hurtful asks or do anything problematic on my regular blog
The second blog that blocked me made was one when I followed their side blog and when I tried to go to their main I was blocked on that, again I searched google and found I could see their blog there but not on here which also made me stressed since I don’t have any memories of interacting with that blog at all besides thinking the art looks familiar so I don’t have any idea why they blocked me
And it’s not an age thing since I haven’t put my age anywhere on my blog for no reason other than not wanting to so it can’t be that
Extra information: when I say search google I mean clicking the copy links button and pasting that on google so I can look at it
The reason I’m asking is because I’m a little paranoid and stressed thinking I’ve done something wrong and it’s effecting me because I don’t want to have a bad reputation on here for something I’m unaware of so me double checking is just me trying to be more thoughtful when I send asks and I still follow the sideblog the second person who blocked me and a third one from the first and wonder if I should block them on those accounts or unfollow?
What are these acronyms?
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Things I've learned about being in fandoms on tumblr
Sometimes when I am navigating fandom, I will have bouts of... depression? negative feelings? regarding it. I think a lot of people go through this, but in the areas of fandom I buzz around in, I don't see many people talking about ways to sort of re-center yourself and take care of yourself in an online space. I thought I would attempt to share some of my habits I try to follow when I hit one of these moods. So here are 14 of them covering various subjects I run into the most. They will not work for everyone, but I do encourage you to think a bit about each point and see if it would work for you.
Feel free to add some of your own, but I am looking for positive advice that is not meant to put down others in a harmful way. I would also like to preface that I've been in fandoms for over seven years, most of them smaller rather than huge, but a lot of this advice is centered around someone just trying to enjoy the space/enjoying it as a fan creator (writing fanfics in my case). The 'you' used in this is a general usage of the word 'you'.
-> It's good to celebrate milestones, whether its how many followers you have, works you've made in a year, or similar.
However... Don't let this become a competition or reasons to compare yourself to others. We're here to have fun and to celebrate us doing so- don't put completely unneeded and unnessacary competition on it. What's the point of that competition other than to make yourself feel bad or to belittle others? This extends further to notes - no number games. none. You can be proud of the numbers you have gotten, but curb all impulses to swing that in a negative way. The second that starts happening, talk to friends. talk to someone IRL. do something that isn't staring at your notifs, immediately. Even if its listening to silly things while washing the dishes- get out of your notifs tab!!! The numbers game isn't a game you have to be a part of, ever.
-> Don't put other bloggers on pedestals.
It's fine to be a fan of someone's work, and to be excited when they post or even talk to you and you're surprised by it. However, we're all just nerds together in a fandom- maybe don't put them up on a pedestal and hold their opinions/words as gospel rather than things you agree with. There's an unhealthy disconnect there for both parties, and can lead to unhealthy habits of a bad comparison game with one party not even knowing you're comparing yourself or others to them. And I promise that no one likes being pitted against others in those.
-> separating my main blog from my fandom blog has done wonders for me.
This one is a lot more of a 'me' thing that MIGHT be helpful towards others, but it's such a nice thing to have a 'normal' space where I don't have to worry too much about fandomisms but want to be online. I want to reblog other things that are not just fandom related and I don't want people from the fandom blog bothering me for. For the longest time I wasn't very upfront with my main blog purely because I wanted that separation, but for others to block me properly I put it up more bluntly.
I also think that this is good when you want to write about some things, but are nervous. In my example, I get nervous writing about my ocs. So what did I do? Made a sideblog for one, briefly mentioned it, and I post untagged drabbles at times when trying to explore her character. It's more practice on not caring about the note amount each post gets for me, and it makes me more at ease with things not getting any notes while exploring different subjects I don't usually write about.
-> Does everyone seem horrible, or are you just not in a good mood?
This is silly and maybe redundant for some, but it's good to keep a track of IRL verses Online. If IRL is weighing you down so much that you use online as an unhealthy habit (self destructive behaviors towards things you worked hard on, lashing out at friends for things out of their control, lashing out on other bloggers for inane things, focusing your bad mood on notes or fake popularity contests...) then try and figure out the big important things: Have you eaten, slept, drank enough water through the day, or are in pain/annoyance with something offline that you're not realizing? Is it one person online making you feel like this? Have you blocked them? Have you taken healthy breaks offline to reground yourself? When i am randomly bitter about the online world, this is typically my frustrations with smth IRL leaking out, and so I do something to help process that or to breathe through it. My personal go to is getting out of the house so I can listen to music, watch silly videos while putting together a simple craft I bought, or doing chores/playing games.
-> Is the fandom full of cliques, or are you witnessing friends just talking to each other?
I get it, it fucking sucks not being involved in a friend group. You know what makes that worse? By looking at other's friend groups bitterly and making up shit in your mind to justify it. The reality is this: people will be friends with a limited number of people, and frequently talk to them because that is who they are comfortable with.
You not being in that friend group does not mean there is anything wrong with you OR them. The honest truth is that it's hard to keep up with a ton of friends at once, and so people may not respond to your messages, or they might mean to but it gets lost in their hectic IRL, or they just don't mesh with you- and all of that is normal!
And... Really... It takes work to build up a friend group. You have to get out of your comfort zone and send the first few messages. You have to embrace the fact that it's possible a friendship won't pan out. It's natural, it's normal, and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or the other person. After trying and naturally just talking to people in the fandom, I promise that you will find a friend group of your own.
We are all socially awkward people trying to nervously talk to each other. Yes, even the people you follow that seem like 'everyone' likes them- they are nervous too. we're all just nerds here, remember that.
-> Understand that no one is obligated to do anything.
This ranges from so many things. Here is a list as short as I can manage it to get my point across: No one is obligated to comment, read, like, or reblog any posts. Any posts. No one is obligated to scour for new creatives in the fandom spaces and reblog their work. No one is obligated to tag their posts/creative adventures to your liking. No one is obligated to follow by your DNIs and BYFs. Obligation does not exist. Even your friends are not obligated to do any of this.
It is courtesy to do these things. Blogs will do their best to be supportive by nature, and to try and at least do some of this at any given time, but it's not a requirement. It's NICE to do so and encouraged, but the second you drill it into your head that no one, not even you, are obligated to do this, it's a bit easier to breathe and accept that no, it's a bit insane and difficult to read through 50 fanfics a week and comment a paragraph on all of them while also working on your own things and trying to manage 15 conversations while working 40 hrs a week and and and---
Instead, focus that energy on friends and yourself when you can and accept your own limitations.
-> have other fandoms you enjoy where you DON'T feel pressured to do ANYTHING.
Due to my hard fixation at usually one to two games at a time, I am usually only writing for those at a time- but I need other things to enjoy where I don't feel like I need to make something to post online. I don't feel that pressure from myself, i don't feel the need to try and engage with others. Just a quiet enjoyment for me.
-> If creating is really stressing you out and making you feel worse than better, reflect on the reasons this may be.
Are you hanging out with people who are regurgitating really bad beliefs regarding creation ("shame, you only got twenty notes, that's nothing", "wow fifty notes? that flopped.", "how did this person's shitty work get 30 more notes than me?"). Are you getting anons putting you down? Is your depression convincing you what you've made is worthless? Look at some of the points in this post regarding friends, blocking, and if you're neglecting your body's needs. If that still persists, there may be some self-reflection as to why things get to you so badly. Try to journal out the reasons why until you believe you hit one that is not your depression speaking.
An example: I would freak out about notes because I had friends that would talk around or to me in the examples listed in the previous paragraph. Cutting them off, focusing on friends who focused on the joys of creating, and focusing more on what *I* wanted to write rather than requests... I still get depressed at times but it's been so much more managable now with better support and feeling free creatively. Usually calling myself out at staring at notes helps me shake my head and move on now.
-> Blocking/Filtering is your friend, but maybe don't over do it.
Blocking seems vaguely controversial at times, but I do believe it's needed for a positive fandom experience. Outside of the obvious, the reasons I block people are typically related to how upset I am by something the person has done or said, even if it's related to fancreations. If it's something like them berating others for not believing their headcanon/fanon? Or grossly demonizing some character's mental illness? Or harassing people who dislike some characters and vice/versa? That's all a block for me.
I personally try not to overdo it and make educated decisions based on like, hey, is this just someone misunderstanding and not realizing how they're coming off? Is this someone who I am misreading their tone? Is this just a weird one-off behavior? Ok, then maybe no block button. But if seeing poor takes makes you angry for longer than, say, 20 mins? an hour? It's a week later and you're still all huffy about it and legit pissed? Maybe dig into that while also blocking the person for now.
The Filters aspect of this is similar, but it's a lighter version of blocking for me. Maybe I don't want to block this person but seeing them talk about bugs really stresses me out, so I look at how they tag those posts and filter it out for myself. Maybe I love their fandom blog but they're multi-fandom, so i will filter out a fandom I don't want to see them post about. That's it.
-> Don't be afraid to cut anon off, even if it's for a few weeks at a time.
I feel like those of us who take requests for fan creations are terrified of this a lot, but truly, taking breaks from the anon function should be encouraged. It is indeed a button for shy people, but there are assholes everywhere regardless. When they occupy your time too much or just annoy you, take away their ability to actually say anything to you.
For a creative, sometimes this can feel like the end of the world. But... you Can turn it back on later. I frequently shut it off during major life events, fanfics I am worried I might get weird anons about, when I'm in a randomly bad mood and don't think I can handle it. I Sometimes have it off for months at a time. You can cut it back on. But if anons make you anxious just imagining getting one right now? Flip that off for now. (also please utilize the block function for mean anons!!!)
-> turn those tumblr notifs OFF!!! (mobile) Additional: Turn your status OFF!!!
The only notifications I get on my phone from tumblr is when someone IM's me, and I've had it like this for years. I cannot imagine having my phone constantly going off with random tumblr notifications, I think I would have a bad spike in anxiety having that happen. It would make any negative feelings with notes/followers/number worse for me.
The online status is debatable, some people really don't have an issue with this, but I tend to feel pressured to respond to people asap if they see that my status is online and similar. Those people have not said anything to me regarding it, it's just my personal issue. So..I turn that status off. And it helps me feel better about answering in my own time.
-> Look at who you are communicating with.
Do your friends regularly dunk or mock people on the daily, over shit that is inane and petty? Are you a creative a bit nervous with your work because your friends are pretty rude with how they view other's works? Are you scared to like a character because your friend severely hates them/is attached to them to an unhealthy degree?
There are other subsets to this, but those are ones I find really troubling and try my best to avoid. I dont want to be friends with people who regularly mock others on the legit daily. I don't want to be friends with people who nitpick notes and use notes as a measure on how much worth someone has. I don't want to be friends with people who mock other's creative endeavors.
So... I don't! If I notice things are becoming a salt pit, I try to talk things out at first, but if its clear that's not gonna work, then it's outties for me. It's very true that everyone will salt over something eventually, but it's up to you to decide how severe it is with your friend circle, how it wears you down, and are they really people you want to hang around with if they just make you anxious or stressed all the time?
-> That vaguepost isn't about you.
Friend venting about someone who sounds oddly like you? Does your favorite blog mention something they dislike and you think you fit into that catagory- guess what. It's not about you!!
It's something I struggled with for a while, but eventually I came to terms with it by going "If they truly have an issue with me, they can talk to me one on one. Otherwise, i am assuming that this isn't about me" and gritting my teeth and forcing myself to repeat that until I feel at ease. Truthfully, I also just stopped hanging out with people who do this a ton in a harmful way, so my anxiety about this decreased. If it's an issue, friends should be willing to bring it up to you personally rather than make really meanspirited vagueposts.
-> A personal one I am putting at the end since I believe can easily turn bad, is... Stop looking in the fandom tags if they continiously bum you out.
I will be transparent, I've had bouts of running into a ton of 'why you should love/hate this character' posts over and over, posts that are random but use 50 different character tags, posts about how annoying my fave is, posts from/about bloggers I dislike, etc etc. After a while, I decided to just curate my feed via whoever I was following, and stop looking into tags as often. At most, I do it once every 1-3 months.
Yes, this does limit what all you can see, however... There's only so much information I can take in at once. If I follow people who reblog a ton of fandom content I love and it's different across the board, that's good enough for me and I don't feel negative looking at the tags sometimes.
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