#I can never tell you how sorry I am
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August
In five years I see myself saying “come meet me behind the mall”
Because baby I see a future,
Just not one near,
Cus Baby I can paint a picture,
Just not now right here
(Will I be selfish to ask you to wait
But baby i fear it might just be bait
Do I dare to ask
Cus baby i can’t let this pass
Right here right now isn’t a possibility
Oh baby am I losing the probability
That is you and me
Slotted together; family)
#poems and poetry#poetry#badly written#unspoken#hidden feelings#love#commitment issues#I can’t burden her with this so tumblr I share it with you instead#i’m sorry#unrequited love#she think it’s unrequited love#but I can’t get her hopes up#fear#i’m a coward#i’m losing my mind#I can never tell you how sorry I am#false hope#don’t want to give her false hope and back out#too many tags#rambles#gay love#lesbian#wlw post#wlw yearning#this was brought on by#taylor swift#august#august taylor swift#i kinda hate myself#sorry for this post
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Hey guys I'm still into wha btw, here's my art for the deciduous spells zine, just wanted to draw my favorite guys being happy for once.
I feel like my art always ends up being in a modern au idk how, it just keeps happening
#I don't talk enough about how much I love these guys#also can you tell this was my first time drawing Coustas and Tartah? Probably#this one is from September so it's a lil rushed bc I was going thru it with uni homework (I still am)#Man I want to make more fanart but something always comes up yk how it is#Wha zine#Wha fanart#coco witch hat atelier#Coustas witch hat atelier#Tartah#Coustas#atelier of witch hat#witch hat atelier#i drew something#Wha coco#Wha Coustas#Wha tartah#It's not really an old piece but tbh I probably would have done some things differently if I'd made it today#the composition never quite satisfied me with this one you have no idea how many sketches I made and none ended up looking good ughhh#But whatever what's done it's done life goes on and all that#Alt text#image description in alt#image described#image description in alt text#I feel like I always put too many tags saying the same thing#Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes in the alt text there might be idk English
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you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.
i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?
the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.
idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went
#being as nasty as possible & shitting on everyone while giving no fucks makes you popular in certain spaces. that's tempting no matter what#to immature ppl. part of growing up is learning that you cant do that and real relationships need you to not do that#but that sucks. you could just ignore it and join the alt-right to be a manchild forever#if ur an asshole who wld u wanna hang out with: ur wife who says please dont be an asshole to me or ur bros who say she's a hysterical bitc#& u did nothing wrong?#if u had a maga dad/brother/uncle & u heard the way they talk about women its never abt being mean lol#it's abt how women are hysterical & sensitive & get upset at everything they do#im so sorry but a normal guy (i know & am friends with many) doesnt simply become an MRA because his girl friends made 1 men suck joke#if a guy truly has no fulfilling friendships with women or girls to the point where some feminist group 'being too mean' can radicalize him#bc he doesnt have any kind women in his life to prove that wrong. he already had issues.#you reach a certain point in your friendship with these guys where youve been SO kind and so supportive and welcoming and played therapist#for ages and then they turn around and say 'im voting trump cuz i like his personality better lol i dont care about rights and that bs'#even if you can deradicalize someone by being kind thats years of insane unreciprocated energy for ONE guy#who will end up being the person who never posts abt feminism except to say i became alt right because women were mean so be nice girls!#nobody tells anyone else to accept full blown bigots in their spaces either much less BEFRIEND them#bc nobody is expected to do this kind of service except women. <3#eat ass.
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s6 episode 1 thoughts
season 6!!!! my goodness, how the time sure has flown!! i started this whole project in may of last year, and now we are in january! so much has changed! but other things have stayed the same.
i have heard mixed things on s6, so i am a bit nervous. but i am excited to be reunited.
i am also curious to see where exactly the movie was set after the finale of s5. has it been a while, or only a few days? has our little friend gibson been missing this whole time? what about diana- did she pull through? will we get to know more about her?
we need to microchip gibson so we never lose him again.
(i felt vindicated when people told me diana isn’t a fandom favorite, LMAO. i’m usually the girl that goes to BAT for overhated female characters, but she just seemed too intentionally antagonistic towards scully)
so… this episode shall deal with our agents going on a hunt. well, they had best be careful! there are a bunch of different aliens and beasts on the loose!
(post-episode thoughts: my fury at mulder is 75% normal juni rage and 25% enhanced by me being sick and emotional, a fact i only put together the morning AFTER i took all of these notes. you have been warned....)
anyway. let us begin!
(previously, on the x files)
(and i STAND by my opinion that CSM has a very soothing voice, okay?!? googling this man so i can see if he narrates any audiobooks)
man, i forgot about mulder pushing spender up against the wall and their feud. ah, spender. i feel bad for him, but that doesn’t mean i LIKE him.
OH, WE GET TO SEE CLIPS FROM THE MOVIE IN THIS RECAP!! and they are in such high quality in comparison to the DVD i borrowed!! wow. when i watch it again sometime in the future- hopefully not on a DVD from 1998- i cannot wait to see everything so CRISP.
NOT THE KISS BAIT BEING INCLUDED IN THE RECAP LMAOOO
but now let us begin the adventures of s6!
NOOOOO! roush!!! the evil biological company! their truck is out in the desert. and their guys are pissing.
well. this happens.
sandy is sweating. bro does NOT look good. i know his ass is not making it through the night.
when sandy gets home, he cranks the heat up to 80 in arizona, which is WILD. then he goes to lay on the couch and shiver.
AUGH!!! his hand is JELLY???? it’s see-through!!! i did not want to look at all of sandy’s veins!!!
is he having an alien baby, too?!?!
his work buddies come to fetch him later. we see a bunch of photos of him in his house wearing a lab coat and doing doctor-y things.
AWW, his coworker called him sandman. don’t make me feel bad for the dude who works at the evil alien biotech company…
BLEURGH. he DID have an alien chest baby virus infection thing. OH, this other guy is SHOCKED!! AND HE HEARS THE ALIEN HISSING AT HIM!!!!!
HE’S GETTING EATEN!!!!! NOOOO!!!!
RIP this guy :(
YAAAY, the intro!!! felt weird not having it with the movie!!!
and it was shortened, but okay. i’m getting used to that.
ahhh, look at this computer on which mulder is examining something. is he looking at micro film?
OH, the sweet boy, he’s restoring the fragments from the x files!! this makes me sad!! does that mean there isn’t a huge box of floppy disks somewhere containing all of them? because it is the responsible thing to do, making sure you have all your files saved in multiple sources! well, we’re only a few minutes into the episode. there’s still time for one of those to be found
and now he is presenting before a panel. he says the x files were destroyed “several months ago”, which places us on a vague timeline. scully is here!!!!
“i see your renowned arrogance has been left quite intact”, says this dude on the panel, and HEY! mulder literally isn’t even being arrogant at THIS MOMENT, OKAY? plenty of other times he is. but not now, as he is submitting his report on this alien spaceship!!
“i didn’t see men in black” “well it’s a damn good movie” <- LMAO they are BULLYING HIM!!!
scully looks pained.
NOT THEM GETTING ON HIS ASS FOR THE TRAVEL EXPENSES STOOOOOP BEING MEAN!!!
OHHH NOOOOO!!! he says that scully can prove the whole thing, but she can’t. cut to them fighting in the hallway.
mulder… you’re pissing me off. SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE VIRUS IS OR HOW IT WOULD MAKE ALIENS!!!!!! maybe you should have brought a camera to the arctic. don’t you BRUSH INTO HER SHOULDER AS YOU WALK AWAY!!! you were going to KISS HER like a few weeks ago!!! i won’t tolerate this disrespect.
CSM is debriefing the syndicate on the arizona alien deaths, saying he made up a cover story and it’s called “blaming it on Native Americans”. classic CSM, world-renowned great guy /s
so, he thinks the arizona guy who gave birth to an alien chest baby accidentally injected himself with the virus, and now the alien is on the loose!!!
man, the presence of well-groomed man is missed. RIP. this other guy is here, though. so that’s good. i guess.
CSM says he is managing the situation. will he be sent out to test his sniping skills?? can you snipe an alien?
skinner is coming down to see mulder on the computer… NOOO, he breaks the news that his reassignment on the x files has been denied!!!!!
mulder's all angry, and skinner tries to clarify he’s not arguing with him, but raises the question: “when will you accept that no amount of pressure or reason will bring to heel a conspiracy whose members walk these halls with absolute impunity?” <- ohhh, a very good point…
so they reopened the x files, then denied his reassignment? are they going to assign them to someone else? or just close them again?? will they keep scully on them?
skinner said that the vote was unanimous… he must have been trying not to blow his cover as mulder’s biggest supporter… but i'm sure this still made mulder very sad
so he gets all his stuff up and starts to leave. BUT SKINNER WANTS TO HELP HIM FIND PROOF??? SO HE CAN PROVE THE OTHERS WRONG??
i told you!!!! that man is my uncle.
he says there’s a file on his desk in the old office……. and sure enough, there is.
is this season much darker in terms of screen brightness?
OH SHIT…. why is spender down here in mulder's old office? WITH DIANA??? “diana, back on your feet. i guess that’s the only way you can stab me in the back” <- damn. he's pissed.
woah, what? okay, i was imagining scully staying on the project and spender taking his place, which would obviously be awful, but diana taking his place is like, worse. so now is it going to be spender and diana? instead of mulder and scully? ew.
jump to CSM lighting up in front of a no smoking sign… he’s just fundamentally a bad boy. he’s walking in where some sort of surgery is taking place!!!
he says he needs the patient bandaged and dressed, even though this might kill them. OH SHIT! IT’S GIBSON!!! and he must be in the middle of surgery!!!!!
EAIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THEY HAVE HIS BRAIN OPEN………….
good lord, i nearly passed out. again, i repeat my grounding mantra: shoutout to the props team.
and he was awake, too………..
poor baby.
AWWWW, THE AGENTS ARE DOWN IN PHOENIX to investigate the case that skinner left them the files on, and scully WILL remind him that they are violating state laws regarding contamination of a crime scene (she lets out a deep scully sigh, asking “why do i bother?”) yeah. idk either queen.
he sees claw marks on the walls!!! that does not look like it came from some bare hands. scully is not fooled by this claim in the evidence report.
ooooooo, he finds a claw!!!!!!!!
“is that an animal?” “ain’t rupaul” <- LMAO I’M CRYING?????????
mulder, i knew you were an ally ✊
(listen, both of those agents are bisexual to me. and maybe ace, too. depends on the day. THAT'S MY OPINION!)
(he hands the claw to scully very carefully <3)
feels wrong to see him in what i think is a polo, but it is hard to tell because the screen is so DARK.
oh yeah, let scully calculate the gestation rate of this hypothetical alien baby. under 12 hours!!! damn!! that is… quick. and also? how could a baby do all this, she wants to know? well. some babies are more equipped for violence than others. i guess.
oh no! CSM IS HERE!! AND POOR BABY GIBSON, BLEEDING THROUGH HIS BANDAGES!!
please someone lay him down and let him watch spongebob. NOW.
gibson announces that "it" (alien baby) isn’t here. and that he knows CSM wants to kill him if he can’t find the creature. poor sweet little dude. they drive off.
mulder emerges into the daylight, and he does, in fact, have a polo on. but he is asking scully why she won’t believe him. MAYBE IT *WILL* TAKE AN ALIEN BITING HER FOR HER TO BELIEVE, BUDDY!!! DON'T RAISE YOUR GODDAMN VOICE AT HER!!
OHHH, SHE GRABS HIS HAND?? “listen, mulder, you told me that my science kept you honest. that it made you question your assumptions; that by it, i’d made you a whole person”
(okay girl, stay with me here now, but i think he meant YOU made him a whole person, not your science…….. but maybe she had to compartmentalize after nearly kissing him)
“if i change now… it wouldn’t be right, or honest” oh, scully <3 he has never deserved you or your kindness...
he’s being a whiny baby. like, i get it, and i understand. they're taking the x files away! and he needs to prove they are correct about aliens! but “i’m sorry scully, but this time your science is wrong” and walking away… 😒 which problem did that solve?
idk!! i see both of their points!!! this fundamental and ancient conflict is once again playing out, but can we focus less on the hows and whys of the situation and more on the “we need to get our jobs back and be bestest friends forever and ever, and also save that missing little boy and find some answers along the way”? please. consider this viewpoint. for me!
oh, let's go off to a nuclear power plant. again, very dark. noticing a theme here. it’s outside arizona. is that where the alien wants to go?
did they call the guy homer as a simpsons reference…? i see what was done here. well, something in the power plant is off.
don’t send homer loose into the dark!!! the alien will eat him!!! especially while vague splattering noises are heard!!
CREATURE EATS HOMER……….
agents mulder and scully are on the scene. but so is spender!!!
UGH, he’s so ANNOYING: he basically says “i’m gonna get skinner censured for telling you some guy was murdered, now LEAVE” SPENDER!!! you are PISSING ME OFF!!
(it made me think of that line from sharkboy and lavagirl: "mr. electric, send him to the principal's office and HAVE HIM EXPELLED!" <- that's what your whiny ass sounds like, spender)
and diana won’t let them in either, saying that it was "just a work accident". oh, so much for caring about the x files, huh? like you claimed in the last episode. you sound REAL invested now /s
scully gets him to come back to the car after he spits some venom at diana (“i hope you know whose errands you’re running”).
however, he says to give him the keys and tells scully to get in the car, and she gives him the most DIABOLICAL side eye LMAO. she is so suspicious of his shenanigans!!!
OH MY GOD, THERE WAS A REASON FOR THAT: SHE FINDS GIBSON IN THE CAR????? he’s out cold and she’s holding his head, calling him “sweetheart” oh my GOD?????
wait. hold on. i’m emotional. hold on.
they take him to their motel, and she’s trying to smile at him while she trims off his bandages. he IMMEDIATELY READS HER THOUGHTS AND SAYS “frankenstein? really?” and DESPITE KNOWING HE CAN READ HER THOUGHTS, SHE TRIES TO LIE AND MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER.... OHHH, SCULLY
(this is still making me emotional. lying to the kid that can read minds because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings or scare him... knowing that she is the doctor that has to try and make him better, so he cannot know she thinks he looks to be in serious danger...)
he has some infection because they didn’t change his bandages and a fever, ohhhh this poor CHILD
so he ran away when they weren’t thinking about him!!!
scully, do you have antibiotics on you? is that a doctor-ly thing to have in your purse? please fix him.
OHHH SNAP, HE CALLED HER OUT: “they were using me. because i can communicate with it” “communicate with what?” “you already know. you just don’t want to believe it”
actually such a fascinating narrative choice to have a child psychic call out her own internal lies… he’s too young to blunt his words, so we know they are the truth… getting to see inside what scully truly believes, even if she cannot admit it to herself, through the lens of this sweet angel with his poor infected skull...
(mulder nods his head to the side, indicating to her they must go talk privately)
he wants to take gibson out to find the Creature, but scully says he needs to be in bed under constant medical supervision; he is the evidence for the x files that can prove to the panel that everything they research is real!!
lowkey pissed me off that this boy is suffering in front of them so horribly and mulder wanted to go on an alien hunt.
so, they’re going to sneak him off somewhere. maybe to an alien hunt and then the hospital. but alas, who approaches them in the parking lot?
IT’S DIANA???? she claims to be alone. CAN WE HAVE A BREAKUP LATER???
she tells mulder that she took the assignment to represent his interests, reminds him that THEY found the x files together, and says that they should go find the beast right now. sure. whatever. you go find the beast, let scully doctor the poor boy. whatever. like i care.
he agrees to do just that, which i actually do think is morally wrong, because now scully has to play single mother to this sick boy. what if she gets sleepy and he is stolen from under her, like what happened with diana?
but diana and mulder are off to the nuclear reactor. mulder thinks that maybe the alien baby needs to be warm… maybe to grow?
so scully is with gibson, and he accuses her of only thinking about herself and what she can learn from him. “i’m a very special lab rat”, he says (deep and sad scully sigh)
OHHHH… these two are giving me feelings……….
gibson just wanting to be a normal kid, and scully wanting to take care of this normal kid who is sadly being used for ulterior motives, but also knowing that if she wants to keep her job and prove the x files, that she must test upon him, too... she must have felt so conflicted... and he must have been able to sense that...
meanwhile, mulder and diana are sneaking into a nuclear reactor. i hope they don’t kiss. i don’t wanna see that shit.
do they have guns? like, good guns? what are they going to hunt the alien with?
he finds a sticky trail… while spooky music plays…. and the wrench from homer (RIP)
bro needs to stop touching mystery fluids.
EUGH he pulls out… guts???
but scully calls!!! they found evidence of the virus that she was infected with in gibson’s system!!!
is diana here to just snitch on their progress… with his gut haul…..?
NOOOOO!!! THE DOCTOR APPROACHING GIBSON IS GOING TO HURT HIM??? HE IS KIDNAPPED! AGAIN!!!!!!
SCULLY IS GOING TO YELL AT SOME DOCTORS ABOUT IT!!!!! THREE CHEERS FOR MAMA BEAR SCULLY!!! DON’T TELL HER TO CALM DOWN!!! GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!
the evil guy is taking him away in an ambulance while mulder and diana track the beast. and again, i’d like to know what their game plan is once they find the thing.
gibson is brought to the nuclear power plant as well, being forced around by his kidnapper, who wants to use him to find the alien. and i can barely see what is happening because it is so DARK.
gibson is being brought into what i think is the nuclear core, where he declares that "it" is here.
i’m gonna need this gibson fellow to make it through, okay?
mulder is POUNDING ON THE DOOR, telling the evil guy to open it NOW, you SON OF A BITCH!
diana wants to find another way in, maybe, idk, i don’t trust her!!!
AUGH, the alien EATS the evil guy!!! well. deserved, tbh. will the alien please NOT eat gibson, though?
and it seems that diana DID snitch on him??? she pulls her gun on mulder as the cops suddenly arrive??
IT’S TOO DAMN DARK, I CAN’T SEE IF GIBSON WAS EATEN OR NOT!!!
skinner is absent from the hearing in which the agents are being told they must not go near the x files at all, or else they will be immediately dismissed!!! and they are moved to assistant director kersh!!!
who is this man.....?
i expect mulder to just hand in his resignation papers now.
EW, CSM IS HERE TO SEE SPENDER??? he says he doesn’t want to see him. but CSM congratulates him on handling mulder. and he calls him “son”.
“simple but extreme solutions” bro is offering to kill him??? no... he says this will not do in such a situation
spender asks if he’s killed men... IJBOL! that is his whole thing, buddy. welcome to this show.
CSM says you cannot kill what a man stands for, unless you kill his spirit. can mulder's spirit be killed?!?!
mulder is back to investigating the scraps of paper from the x files. “it would help if you’d shut the door; it’d make it harder for them to see that i’m totally disregarding everything i was told” <- LMAOOOO
oh scully, always pushed to the side in his mad ahab quest: “everything we were told, mulder” <- YEAH, YOU TELL HIM!!!!!!!!
she thinks that diana is throwing him under the bus (her report makes no mention of gibson!! and lies about the body they found!! also, i think she literally pulled a gun on him when the cops rolled up??), but he INSISTS that she is doing this out of the goodness of her heart
“and though it may not say it in her report, diana saw it too. and no matter what you think, she’s certainly not going to go around saying that just because science can’t prove it, it isn’t true”
wait hold on… i’m emotional… that was so mean… why am i genuinely tearing up…?
scully just wants him to trust her…. and he won’t take her files, because he's being stubborn, but they are literally TEST RESULTS that prove his theories to be true……..
the claw matches the DNA from the virus and the DNA from gibson….
if it’s true, that means everyone is a little bit of an alien?? oh scully…. look at her…….. sciene geek...
back at the nuclear power plant, it’s GIBSON!!!!! he sees the alien going for a swim in the nuclear water!!!!! yucky.
it’s hatching………… oh.
the end.
man.
i don’t know if i’m emotional on this fine evening, but i nearly cried at mulder disrespecting scully. how can you say that about someone, that they make you whole, and keep you honest, and then treat them like that? how can you just toss her to the side the minute someone else says what you want to hear?
like. what the fuck! i can’t tell if this is purposeful character development leading up to something or if he is truly being an awful guy. how can he go from trusting her with everything he is- his life and even his death, over and over again- to having a hissy fit because she can't prove the virus was alien? it's not like SHE is the one taking them off of the assignment! she is not the corrupt government! in fact, she knows better than anyone the reality of the corrupt government, considering they 1) KILLED HER SISTER and 2) TRIED TO KILL HER WITH TERMINAL CANCER THAT DAMN NEAR SUCCEEDED?
shakes my fist angrily… i think scully should get to bite him.
she NEVER blows up at him!! even when he deserves it!!! and he has!! a million times over!! but she doesn’t!! it’s his stupid alien nonsense that got her sister killed and nearly killed her!! why does he act like he is the only one who can see some bigger picture?? oh wisest of all men, mulder, enlighten us with your alien theories??? bitch!!! if i was scully, i would have had enough!!! i would need a break from him!!! i would take that reassignment!!!
okay, maybe i’m just really angry tonight. BUT I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE! we were making such good progress in the “telling your best friend you love them” department, that i truly cannot stand this!! you tell him anything he wants to hear and he’ll eat it up!!! sure, sure, this lady that you used to date CONVENIENTLY wants to save the project you just got kicked off of after dedicating your whole life to it. (heavy on the /s) BRO??? LET’S USE A LITTLE BIT OF COMMON SENSE.
grrrr, i’m actually gonna GROWL. i don’t CARE about your inner man angst, you HAVE TO BE NICE TO YOUR FRIENDS!!! she LOVES you and you LOVE HER, so you ought to ACT LIKE IT.
and they took my uncle skinner away from me…
oh, i just know that if i had seen this when it was airing, i would be SPITTING MAD!! i’d be on those discussion forums saying NASTY things!!!
man. i still feel angry.
scully and gibson…. she wants to keep him safe, but also wants to prove her theories, and he suffers because of it… poor baby… how she held his unconscious head, calling him sweetheart; how she screamed at the doctors who ignored her…. god…
see, normally i’d say “give them both a baby”, but right now i’m mad as hell at mulder, and he does not deserve baby privileges.
poor gibson… i hope he makes it out of that nuclear reactor.
also. spender. the most pathetic nepo baby of all time. is he not at all suspicious about why his absent father is suddenly making a reappearance? hello? and the way he just pushes people around with his newfound power? do you think CSM will just use him and then discard him like he does everyone else????
wow. much to contemplate. for now, i must sleep off my rage. stupid mulder in his stupid polo…
spender and diana are literally scully and mulder from shein.
#i did not sleep the rage off btw. editing this just made it all came back.#i am staring into my laptop and typing like this 😡#if this episode gave me anything good it was poor sweet gibson and scully being ready to kill for him#now. i expect this whole situation to be wrapped up by TOMORROW. x files reinstated with mulder and scully#and spender and diana sentenced to a case abroad.#skinner comes home and tells mulder to stop being a whiny baby and the mulder says#i am so sorry scully.#i should have never spoken to you that way. i was angry at the world and not at you. here i made linguine to apologize#and then they can get a little wine drunk and hold hands and think “what are we”#and also they will find a secret box of floppy disks that magically has all of the x files on them#somewhere no one thought to look.#yes! this is how it shall be. because i declare it to be so. and my word is law.#juni's x files liveblog#6x01#the x files#txf
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this is the emotional equivalent to a nuke being dropped precisely on my head
#david ferrer#rafael nadal#can you imagine playing the last match of your career and you're playing terribly and you're behind by an insurmountable distance#and your DC teammate of 2 decades-turned-captain tells you to go out there and just play for the love of tennis like when you were a kid...#they can never fire him as captain idc how questionable his picks are he was clearly BORN for these changeover pep talks#sportsman: rafael nadal#sportsman: david ferrer#sport: tennis#higher faster stronger#au where i don't feel like dissolving into tears everytime rafa nadal and david ferrer are within 100 feet of each other#if this didn't make me so emotional it'd be; like. REALLY funny#ferru legit shifted into sports anime mode on those last few changeovers huh#(also to the couple new tennis followers hi i love you all and i'm so sorry about the ways in which i will disappoint you#in particular i am so sorry in advance for what i am about to do when the darts world championship starts lmaooo)
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I'm going back to bed the moment I post this but I've been having a super rough and stressful night... so for whatever reason I went back to read some of the kind asks I've received since I saved a lot... some since the first time I started writing... and I got so emotional and just began sobbing haha.... I can't believe how lucky I am...... I love writing so much.........
#I'm sorry I think I'm just in an emotional mood today lol#like I forget all the time that#people actually read the things I write#when I thought no one ever would#when I dreamed of wanting to make my silly dreams a reality#and I have so much to improve upon still#but like. I did that#I made all those things#wiping my snot and tears on my big fat aki plushie rn#for so so so long I felt I could never be myself#but now there are so many people who appreciate me when I am being the most true version of myself...#I just read one of the asks someone sent me where they said#'i think with your writing I can tell just how much you love to write'#and then it just made me burst into tears lol....#it's so lovely that someone would say that and YES!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!#THAT'S WHY I NEVER WANT TO GIVE UP....#I hope I can find more time to write next week......#also I know it's such a silly thing to say#considering I enjoy writing silly x reader gratuitous smut fanfiction LMAO#but understand..... it's important to me...#as silly as it is.......... it's important#and it's special#and I'm truly grateful
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There’s no way Jayce came out of the fucking Infection Dimension perfectly healthy except for his leg (and his mental health)
He had an open wound on his back before he even went in!! and then the one we saw on his leg! (which was broken in fucking half!!) like did y’all see how thick the fog was?? He was breathing that shit in for months!! That man was probably dying!!!
#we should have seen him take a pause in his speech to cough for like thirty minutes#what kind of fucked up cocktail of gas was in that fog bro#like The Gray and every other drug smog gas from the factory’s mixed together with fucking magic#how much crazier would the Jayvik parallels be if Jayce had coughed up blood at some point#still crying over how much weight he lost#my baby…#did he even get to see his mom before he and Vik disappeared?#did he get to hug her?#tell her he was sorry and that he loved her?#did she get to make him his first hot meal in months?#did she hold him while he cried?#did she even know he was back before he was gone again?#imagine being Ximena and your son shows up at your door after being missing for months over half a year#and he’s lost weight his hair is grown and unkempt and he’s covered in scars and he has a brace on his leg which is clearly injured#and he cries in your arms when you hug him like he hasn’t since he was seven#and you tell him to come in to eat to tell you what happened and if he’s okay and he tries but none of it really makes since to you except#the grief. the grief you can understand you lost your partner after all you know what that kind of grief looks like#and after you’ve feed him and held him and took care of him he leaves again to try and save his partner and then you never see him again#and you’ll never know what happened to him and his partner#but all you can hope for was that he was able to save him and where ever they are their together#I am spiraling over Ximena Talis right now in the tags of my mostly jokey post#I love the Talis’ so much#jayce talis#ximena talis#I’m tagging her because of the tags#it is 11 at night I have a cold and I am spiraling about the Talis’ right now#and just like Jayce should have been I am coughing like there’s no tomorrow
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every time I hear someone say "oh you have to listen to Dear Evan Hansen it has such good mental health representation" I cry in Next to Normal
#next to normal#and yes this is based on a true story#generally I dont try to juck anyones jum so I of course didn't tell that person what I was thinking at that moment#and if someone found Dear Evan Hansen a useful text in terms of their own mental health journey who am I to discredit that#but this is the internet and I am back on the ntn train#in a way it is my saf autumn musical#and yes I am a survior of the 2017 Tony Awards why were you asking?#no but seriously#it is so interesting how many narrative devices Dear Evan Hansen took from Next to Normal#but turned them into a less complete piece#like Gabe in ntn is a representation of unadressed grief and trauma and the family has to accept that he will never be really gone#and connor is just...idk not fully thought out?#idk I'm rambling#but also#how the love story between Henry and Natalie means something#Natalie sees her parent's relationship and desperately doesn't want that for herself and Henry at the same time also stand for#a piece of normalcy that seems attainable#you don't sit there and think hu why is there this completely separate love story thrown in there?#it mirrors the problems#and dear evan hansen#do I even have to say it#I thnk the thing I resent it most for is that it has a love story#naja#I'm of listening to net to normal some more#sorry I someone who really likes deh stumbles accross this#I feel like espechially musicals can be something that can be so personal#and I don't actually want to contribute to more stuff like#ew why do you like this when theres xyz that is so much better or morally purer or whatever#I guess what I do want to say is: if I had a nickle for everytime they made a musical about mental health where theres a ghost on stage and#the sister of the dead kid falls in love with a funny guy while her family is falling apart
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Post-revolution Annie just posts random videos of Finnick and their son on the internet and they always go viral because people have only ever seen Finnick as playboy extraordinare and now they see Finnick being a dumbass father who's trying his best and it's very endearing and 90% of the time the camera pans out to an unimpressed Johanna or Katniss and it's great
#the hunger games#finnick odair#katniss everdeen#annie cresta#johanna mason#listen he's trying#he's never done anything like this before#he needs a minute#finnick ringing his mum like “MUM THE BABY IS CRYING ALL NIGHT WHAT AM I DOING WRONG 😭”#“mum he reached for my lobster can he have it” “finnick hes 6 weeks old”#“mum is he meant to be throwing himself off every surface??” “i mean you did so take that as you will” “NOT HELPFUL”#“can i take him swimming yet?? i want to show him the sharks 😁😁” “finnick hes 2 months old ffs”#Annie's just watching the chaos and texting Finnick's mum like “sorry mum dont stress it I got this”#Finnick's mum just sat there like “at least one of you knows wtf is going on”#jokes on her annie just has a million parenting books she flips through to answer her questions before heading to google#annies search history includes 'how old til baby can visit ocean'#'can i make baby food out of anything'#'how to tell my husband that hes doing fine but holding the baby like that is going to send me into a coma'
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2b shidou and cheers. let the man be silly :3
I REMMEBERED I COULD COLOUR THE LINES
anyways finally! the man can be silly!
#milgram#milgram fanart#shidou kirisaki#i hope someone notices how specific i am with making sure all the happy ones are drawn as him in triage and not him in milgram (gunshot)#anyways if you cant tell i really like doomed r/s but only when one is left with the remains of what was. bonus points for untimely death#actually bonus points for the r/s can never be remade and not for a lack of trying#ok ill stop yapping now . i have favourites im sorry if you can tell
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SCREAMS INTO MY HANDS
#vent#i am so sick of not having a vehicle yo#i'm so tired of it#it's been weeks and my dad still hasn't checked out the unused corolla sitting in his yard#'well it could be the engine but it could also just be the head gaskets' THEN CHECK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD#or at LEAST let us take it to someone who WILL#i am so sick of them being so unreliable while they dangle help over my head and then i end up never fucking receiving it#it's the least you people could do for ruining my fucking life forever#i'm not expecting my dad to fix it himself because he's old but just#i am begging you#tell me what's wrong with the fucking car so we can see how much it'll be to fix it#if you're going to do one fucking thing right in your life just fucking HELP YOUR SON WITH THIS SIMPLE TASK#i'm sorry. i've been neurotic and disoriented since yesterday and i can't fucking think straight#i just want to have a vehicle because we can not keep having to order groceries and take ubers it's draining the fuck out of us
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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Man that DLC's final boss has got me feeling kinda fucked. I'm kinda depressed about it now that I'm done. Everything else is, was, so good. But I do not like that plot development. I honestly think it is bad. Why did they choose not to foreshadow this in literally any way? Why did Miquella attempt to resurrect Godwyn at all in the first place, then? Practice? Was this really what was originally planned? There's no actual evidence to the contrary so you gotta assume it must've been.
So yeowch...
#sote spoilers#elden ring#tlgtw ooc#literally actually nothing from the base game is resolved. Except where the Land of the Numen were.#That in itself is fine tho--actually. It's clearly a statement: Marika's hair talisman from Shaman Village confirms this for me.#Some things are lost to history or just plain out of reach. And there's nothing anyone can do about it.#We'll never ACTUALLY know who the Gloam-Eyed Queen was--just that all signs pointed to Miquella.#But there's no way to confirm it: Nobody's alive to tell the tale.#So like. THAT part. The extancy of all those unanswered questions. I actually am not gonna lie I kinda really like that. Despite everything#But I think Radahn Consort of Miquella is fucking terrible. “Miquella saw how kind Radahn was” I'm sorry HOW kind was Radahn?#The fucking infinite warmonger who literally explicitly made himself a copy of Godfrey?#There are literally ZERO examples of Radahn being kind in any way. Outside of having one (1) pet horse.#It should've been Godwyn. I'm not even kidding. Godwyn at least is someone who has explicitly succeeded in diplomacy.#Since he befriended his mortal enemy Fortissax and spared the Ancient Dragons by creating the Dragon Cult.#THAT'S something you could point to as an example of kindness. Especially since that's Godfrey's direct heir.#WHAT the FUCK does RADAHN do?????#He doesn't do anything!!! He just kills people!!#We never even get to see what weapon Godwyn used to use!#I don't like it. I think it is not very good.#Rest of the DLC is astounding but how can it all lead up to that? Ah...#Nothing like I had imaged: There's a lot I have to figure out now.
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really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).
#storyrambles#it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance.#this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun#flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun#but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean#‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid#I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no.#‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask.#‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours.#‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works.#sorry for the rant im just. tired.#you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard#and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves?#yeah. that’s this friend here.#usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit#and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them#I am not going to play along.#UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’#I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me#it’s uncomfortable.#also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID#will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I?#(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.)#I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day.#‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’#first of all. that’s different?#secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves#also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so.#ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible.#but UGHHHHHH
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how TMZ is still in business after everything they have done is beyond me at this point!!! fair warning to anyone don’t open that TMZ article it shows images that should have never been shared to the public and after everything even in rest Liam deserves the decency of some respect.
also would like to just point out that yes his death was very tragic and obviously everyone will mourn it differently, but none of his past girlfriends, ex-fiancés and family members deserve any hate towards them. he was a grown man who made some choices and let’s not forget he was abusive towards his relationships, so yes completely and totally fine to mourn him, but also acknowledge what this means to different people like everyone is going to take this news differently and it’s just an odd day in general so don’t be an asshole is what I’m trying to get at if that makes sense
#I know how toxic this fandom can get at times and I told my best friend it’s just very odd#one direction meant a lot to me during my teenage years like I couldn’t even begin to tell you#when they went on hiatus I pretty much just followed Louis and Harry and Niall cause that’s who I gravitated towards the most#so again I think I’m mourning that 14 year old girl who was obsessed with one direction and never got a chance to see them live#but now as I am yk technically an adult I can acknowledge that yes I feel sorry about this entire situation#but again understanding that he caused harm to people that didn’t deserve it like I have PTSD so I hundred percent feel for Maya#more of steph’s random thoughts#liam payne#one direction
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theres just something about being inherently unworthy of love
#the cycle of i need to make friends. i need attention. why would someone bother with me? i dont have anything to give. are we friends? why#arent you paying attention to me? tell me that you love me. but it could never be sincere towards someone like me. i cant be loved.#love isnt real. i am love. i am the only one who loves. it hurts. why cant i be loved? is anyone else real? is this a dream? am i dead? is#this hell? whats real is fake and whats fake is real. its wonderland. rabbits talk cookies make you big or small everyone is so confusing.#do others love me or hate me or feel indifferent? it seems to switch as random. one day you'll adore me the next its as if we never met. and#i have to keep making friends. i cant keep making friends. if i dont i'll end up with no friends. i dont know how to make more friends.#clinging to bubbles floating up scrambling to catch another as it pops so you dont fall. everyone blends together whats what whos who?#in the span of a few years i feel like an immortal tortured with the despair of outliving all their relationships#except everyone is perfectly alive just out of reach. but i cant just talk to people. thats bad. no one wants me. i cant do that to someone.#every bubble pops at some point. i cant find anything sturdier. fleeting bursts of attention are ok for now#but i cant even get that. so what do i do? i want to sacrifice myself to make people like me but i have nothing left to give.#whats the point of me? if i cant love and be loved if i cant find more than a few people who will stay for more than a second. what do i#have to do? please tell me what you want. i'm sure i can do it somehow. can i do it somehow? i cant. i cant. i cant anymore. im sorry. just#forget about me. you dont need me. youll be happier when you dont even know who i am anymore. i can disappear without a trace for you. thats#all i can do. take the weight off our shoulders. im just using you if you think about it anyways. to feed my own selfish desire for love i#never deserved. keep myself afloat while i drag you down. isnt it time for me to sink? in a shark attack punch it in the gills. youll be ok.#more than ok. free. i didnt want to bite your leg but i just needed something anything. i dont know any better and i never will. thats why i#belong in the depths where i cant hurt anyone. i cant do anything but hurt. what more am i good for? what more have i done? what have i done#for you? think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it.#its nothing.
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