#I can clean the flux off later all I care about is that IT WORKS

[phanpyuserollout]

Everyone look at the worst soldering job I’ve ever done

[bitchfitch]

Step 6 Soldering

The flux is what makes the lead stick to the copper, and helps everything flow. it is Very important. I'm mentioning that because when i first started doing stained glass the tutorial i found didn't actually say what the flux did. So i didn't buy any. and the results were Bad. You need flux.

Brush the flux onto the tape. You don't need too much of the stuff. Just enough for everything to be a bit greasy, but not so much that there's globs anywhere. It's not a big deal if it gets on the glass, it'll wash away later and won't make the solder stick to the glass or anything.

Let your soldering iron start to heat up. For this first step turn up the heat to a medium high/high setting. The hotter the iron the more the soldering will flow. which is good when you're just trying to get everything together quickly and less good when you're doing the details.

Take your solder roll and unroll about 8-10 inches. don't cut it off. You're going to hold the solder by the roll and use the length to put a bit of distance between your hand and the very hot iron.

First you tack things together. Putting globs everywhere two pieces touch directly. Let the globs fall onto the lines from about an inch up to stop your iron from accidentally knocking any of the pieces around. then set the iron aside on its stand and remove the nails and paper pattern from under the piece.

Get the iron again and smooth out the blobs, the goal isn't to make things pretty right now just to make everything flat.

once the blobs are smoothed out turn the heat down a notch and flip your piece over to repeat the process, this time you're trying to cover all the lines and fill everything in without making it too domed. cover the front of the outside edges too while you're at it.

Turn the heat down again for the edges proper. You're going to need to prop up the piece, what I've found to work the best is using my grozier pliers to hold everything vertical and then with a garden gloved hand, carefully adjusting the piece until the entire edge is covered. It's normal and fine for some globs to drip off. if the get stuck to the soldering on the front or back just remelt it and let it fall onto your work surface to cool off.

Some angles are easier than others.

once the edges are done set it back down flat right side up. and do what you did on the back on the front before going over it again with another layer to make a neat and clean domed line. How thick you do your soldering is entirely up to you and your personal preference. If you're getting weird pointy bits your iron is too cold, if the solder is moving too fast and spilling off the glass or seeping down under it it's too hot. you'll have to figure out the exact ranges your iron likes yourself because everyone has different preferences and every iron has different settings.

You dont have to do this next part and can instead use paint in the next step.

Take your iron and turn it down to just below the temp you used for the edges. and place a glob for the eyes and beaks of the birds. These have to be touching the leading thats already there otherwise it will not stick. Let the piece cool completely before moving on.

Step 7 Patina/paint

Clean everything with soap and water, being sure to really get in there and completely wipe away all the flux while still being careful to not bend or lift up the foil around the edges.

The solder should be a nice shiny silver color, but it won't stay looking like this forever. within a few days the oxidation will begin to be noticable and there will be a white splotchy film over the piece, that white film will get worse and worse until it eventually turns grey and then in a few years time black. You can delay this by using wax polish, but it's only a delay. Once the oxidation begins you can't stop it but you can use a grit polish like Brasso to strip it off and set it back to being shiny before the process repeats itself.

If you'd like to use Patina:

The sooner you do this step after you finish the soldering the better. The patina works by using a strong acid to oxidize the lead. Do not let this get on your skin. it is a strong acid. if you're sensitive you might get a mild chemical burn, but the real concern is prolonged and repeat exposure causing cancer or just Wrecking your hand skin. Don't get it on your clothes either. it'll bleach them and eventually eat through the fabric if it's not washed out.

Use a paper towel to wipe it onto the solder and watch as the solder immediately starts turning black. keep going until the entire piece is covered and there is no silver left. Once you're done rinse the whole thing off and wash it with soap again. Make sure to dry it completely. Any sitting water has the chance to seep under the tape and start corroding the copper foil. which looks bad. These are not meant to get wet. you are now done. The black will never come off unless you use something to physically remove that layer of metal. Brasso is an option.

if you want to use paint:

brush it on over the leading to seal everything in and hide the future corrosion. if you didn't opt to use the solder to do the face features now is the time to draw them on. let it dry. This section is shorter. Don't eat the paint and you'll be fine.

Step 8 Marvel at your tits.

And voila, Without needing to go through puberty Or twoberty you have gotten yourself a marvelous pair of boy tits.

These male eurasian blue tits are the perfect little birds. And you can make so many boob jokes about them.

Stained glass tutorial bc the birds are good for it.

The tldr with more resources and a few video tutorial links is here (link)

this is our target and this is our pattern:

if you're wondering why I'm just handing out the pattern to a piece i plan on selling, the answer is because all stained glass pieces are their own pattern. By posting the image of the piece i already gave you the pattern to it.

What you need:

1 sheet of printer paper,

scissors,

glue stick or a washable marker that works on glass,

grozier pliers,

curved jaw pliers,

glass cutter,

flux and something to apply it with,

60/40 acid free solder,

copper tape,

gloves,

eye protection,

soldering iron with stand and rheostat,

water proof sand paper or waterproof nail file,

black patina or black acrylic paint,

some kind of heat proof surface to work on. I use asphalt coated compressed fiber board because it was cheap and easy to get at the hardware store

a well ventilated area to work in. or a table set up outside, which is the most well ventilated area you probably can access without a key card to a chemistry lab.

finally: 1+ panes of translucent/cathedral glass.

if something is not pictured in the below image it's because getting it meant fighting my cord management or standing up to go get it. The white waffle grid thing is not necessary. It just makes clean up easier so I'm using it and also i was too lazy to move it. a box of nails is pictured, they are also helpful but also not necessary. especially if you are not using something you can easily push them into as a work surface

I'm just using my normal glasses for eye protection, you don't need anything super fancy but you do need something to stop any flying shards.

Anyways. Soldering and finishing is in a reblog of this. i needed more pictures than you can put in a single Tumblr post

Step 1 Pattern Prep

print your pattern out. once if you are just going to use a marker to copy it onto your glass, twice if you are going to glue it down to use that way.

you may notice my pattern is backwards. That's because i printed it out wrong and can't be fucked to go fix it. Anyways.

Number your pieces in the same order on both copies if you are using the glue method, for such a simple pattern it's not uber necessary but it's a good habit to get into. Larger and more complicated pieces rapidly become broken glass jigsaw puzzles if you don't.

Step 2 putting the pattern on the glass

the way you make the glass the right shape is by using a glass cutter, that bronzy thing with all the tape around the barrel to make it easier for me to grip. the way it works is it holds a very thin metal disk that you press into the glass to introduce a fault line the glass will hopefully want to break along. I said hopefully for a reason.

All cuts have to go from one edge of the glass to the other because that's what the crack will do when you break it. Keep that in mind while you lay down your pieces. I've used a marker to show how i plan to cut this pane but unless you're doing a tricky cut order you don't really have to do that

I'm using what i have on hand so how you lay your pieces out will probably be different if you've bought whole panes to work with. This is a much more wasteful way of doing it than i normally would, but the goal with this one was to produce a piece that doesn't require a glass grinder as those are an expensive thing to get when you're just starting out.

Also plan to cut on the Less textured side of the glass, the texture can get in the way. if you would like the texture to be on the front of your finished piece simply glue your pieces upside down onto the smoother side. also know that less textures glass is easier to use

I didn't have any more of that darker grey blue so I'm using a light bluish lavender piece instead. it looks brown because of the the yellow underneath it

step 3 cut the glass

take a piece of preferably translucent glass and practice this step a few times before doing it on your project.

Press the wheel at the end of the stylus firmly against the glass at one edge, the keep pressure as you push or pull your line. you will know if you're using enough force because clear glass makes a very specific noise when it's being scored. I can't describe it but you'll know it when you hear it. you'll also be able to see the score line from some angles, it should look like a very fine crack in the glass. I've also heard it described as "like a white hair has been set on top of the glass". do not stop, lift your cutter, or go backwards over the scorline you have already made. The crack is a Lot more likely to go off course and destroy your piece if you do.

do only one line at a time before using the grozier pliers to break the glass.

there should be a line on the silicone protector things on the edge of you pliers, hold them so that that mark lines up with your score line and apply pressure , start light and slowly increase until it begins to crack. If the crack immediately runs the whole length of the pane then your done, if it doesn't, rotate the pane and do the same thing on the other edge of the glass until it starts cracking from there too. if it Still doesn't meet in the middle help it along by tapping along the uncracked part of the score line with the tip of your pliers handle until the crack finishes the job. If it's a very long straight one you can also use the edge of a table to encourage the crack to form in the right place.

if the crack decides to go off your scorline just finish breaking that score line and then peel off your pattern piece and reposition it to try again. if you used something like an Elmer's glue stick you can reactivate the glue with a Small amount of water dabbed over the pattern piece with your finger.

Once you have most of the glass broken off use your curved jaw pliers to very carefully nip away at any extra bumps. like half a millimeter at a time, don't just bite into a big chunk, itll shatter the piece. The flat side of the jaws is used to leverage the piece against to break it that way. it's helpful to pick an orientation for your pliers and just commit to always holding them like that. with the flat jaw either up or down. It'll help you build the muscle memory and learn to use them faster.

enjoy your pile of broken glass and dream about the grinder that wouldve made this easier.

Step 4 grinding deburing.

use your water proof file or sand paper to to knock any little bits of broken glass off. it is Vitally important that you do this with the file Wet. glass dust likes to float on any little draft and it's Super not good for your eyes lungs throat or nose.

You can also take the time now to refine the shapes and sand off any little nubbins that are in the way.

once you're done use a little dish soap to remove the pattern and any grease or glue left on the piece. if you need to re number the pieces.

Step 5 Foil

foil comes in a handful of sizes, and in silver, black, and copper backed. The sizes determine how thick your leading will be, thinner foil, thinner lines. With art glass or very textured glass you may need to go up a few sizes to make it fit. The color on the back will be visible through clear glass so you might want to pick one that vibes with your colors. I'm using what i had, so i don't actually know the thickness. It is copper backed tho.

take your piece and your roll of foil and place the edge of the piece in the center of the tape so that there's an equal amount of hangover on either side. then carefully roll your piece to wrap the edges in tape. being sure to keep it centered the entire way around. when you get back to where you started let the tape overlap itself by at least a quarter of a centimeter or like 1/8th of an inch. then cut the foil.

use your fingers to smooth the foil down over either side of the glass. and then the handle of your scissors or any hard plastic object to firmly press out any creases in the foil. The smoother you can get it the better. because that will make the solder sit flatter.

use the second/primary copy of your pattern for reference and lay out your pieces on top of it. If you're using nails and and a softer work surface you can press them into it around the edges of your pattern to keep the pieces from shifting. for a piece as simple as this it's not necessary but it still might help.

Soldering is next up but I'm posting from mobile and have an image limit to keep in mind. so that will be posted as a reblog in a bit.

[ripperdoc-is-daddy]

Pain and Suffering (Sanemi Mob Head Canon)

TW: Shady behavior, Deception, Dismissive behavior, Love bombing?, Reader is black, hurt feelings, shut out. Shout out to @animupiglett for the encouragement and all that fuzz. <3 PERMISSION TO REPOST OR TRANSLATE DENIED

Pt.2 Flux Pt.3 Morning After Pt.4 Menace to his Sanity Pt. 5 A Clean Break

You have no idea what he does for work 

Says he is a contractor 

You’ve asked if he was Gov or Civ and he just says “Something like that” 

Promptly shuts you up with a kiss 

Other times he dodges the question entirely 

When you ask bout the scars he says he got them in dog fights 

Since when do dogs have knives? 

You let it slide cuz 

He spoils you rotten and you have no reason to question him 

Unless you count all the late nights, bruises and cuts 

Or that time he showed up with broken ribs 

Or that other time when he was in the hospital and some big blind dude told you to mind your own business 

Does your braids and twists so you don't have to go to a salon

Knows how to properly take them down

Always has a hot oil treatment ready for your scalp and hair so you never have to worry about breakage and damage.

Has a plate ready for you to eat while he does his task

A solid partner for wash day

Never complains about helping you apply product

He likes buying you shoes 

Cuz you like hording shoes 

You also love games but he won’t buy you those 

He wants your attention on him after work. Not on fucking electric rats you chuck balls at 

Takes you out to dinner often 

Even does the Will Smith to Jada “Look at her” just to make you embarrassed 

In a good way 

He is really serious when he meets people he knows 

His friends are terrifying 

No really they look like murder hobos 

You and Sanemi were just leaving the restaurant. Your delicate, beautifully manicured fingers were entwined with his. Arm wrapped around his muscular forearm. You were leaning against him, laughing and smiling. He was smiling and looking down at you lovingly. Your fun was interrupted by a group of men approaching. Sanemi straightens up and drops your hand. “The fuck is that shit?” you wonder internally. You scoot off to the side and busy yourself looking anywhere but at the men. He notices and you know it probably stabbed him in the heart but you aren’t feeling very friendly right now. The other three men stare at you expectantly. Well, 2 of them stare, the third one and tallest of the bunch appears to be visually impaired if the milky white irises mean anything. You politely excuse yourself and turn on your heels before waiting for a response. A sigh is heard behind you and you know there will be a discussion later. But you don’t care. This always happens. Sanemi’s friends are definitely trouble but he always tells you not to think about it. You don’t know how much more of this you really want to deal with. Calling your friends they tell you to take a break. Maybe you need some distance to clear your mind. He shows up just as you are finished packing your bug out bag. What was that look? Was a sneer? The fuck!? His expression changes almost as fast as it came. The look you give shuts him up. You almost make it to the door when you feel his arms around your waist. “Don’t go.” He is pleading. You try to pull out his embrace. Not hard enough. “I can make it up to you.” he promises. “Yeah, you always say that.” You know that hurt. “It’s complicated.” You don’t care how complicated it is. You tear out his arms and leave. In front of you is the smiling Blonde with red tipped hair from before. His eyes resemble fire. Why is this man smiling at you like that? It’s unnerving. The massive guy is there too. So is the platinum haired dude with the gaudy headband. Sanemi’s hands land on your shoulder. “It’s complicated. Just wait up. I’ll be back.” You shrug him off and go to your car. “I won’t be.”  

[mfkinanaa]

CANCER RISING.

Born with Cancer on your Ascendant (or Rising), self-realization comes through a sophisticated attunement to your highly developed feeling nature.

You make sense of life through instinct and emotion.

You are likely to experience strong intuitions, and at times psychic sensibilities, and will therefore need to learn the difference between insight and projection.

Because you are so sensitive, you must recognize the impact that this can have on you.

You will need to acknowledge your sensitivity, accept your desire to nurture and support others, and acknowledge when this sensitivity leads you to take on too much, or become overly responsible for how others feel.

Learning to use your intuition to guide your choices is an important skill.

Self-awareness will grow as you develop emotional intelligence.

Your Home is Your Castle.

You may be very adaptable to change in your external circumstances, but need a peaceful and secure home base for your foundation. Home is very important, providing a sanctuary from the outside world. You may have a tendency to switch off and retreat here from time to time, especially when hurt, depressed, uncertain or confused.

You are likely to need clean, comfortable surroundings, and will prefer the company of refined people who can appreciate your unique qualities. Often close to family and friends, you are probably domesticated, with good cooking skills, as well as very capable on the work front.

However, a love of travel means that it is important to have the means to be able to get up and go. You may enjoy frequent changes of environment, allowing you to soak up the most of what life has to offer by soaking up the atmospheres of unfamiliar places.

Business Smarts.

Cancer rising gives business acumen, and you could do well as an entrepreneur owing to your heightened sense of how to cater to public tastes. You bring a practical, cautious yet determined approach to your own affairs which translates to good business practice. There is often great tenacity here, and you are likely to accomplish what you set out to do, despite constant flux and changes.

With persistence as well as careful strategic planning, you can easily profit by providing what others need.

In your professional or personal life there may be a tendency to avoid direct confrontation. You may approach problems sideways, in an attempt to negotiate emotional boundaries. You may at times be inclined toward stinginess, owing to an overly cautious attitude to money, which comes down to fear about having the ability to control external circumstances. You should learn to trust your feelings enough to know when it is time to conserve what you have and when it is time to spend.

Heightened Sensitivity.

As Cancer is a Cardinal sign, you need to direct your sensitivities, but this must be done in a way that is not overwhelming. Learning how to offer support when required is important, but you need to understand you are not responsible for others’ emotional wellbeing. The ability to nurture comes easily to you. Opportunities to care for others leads to growth and self-awareness.

Yet knowing when to draw the line is paramount. You must learn what is and IS NOT yours to be responsible for.If not achieved, then your life may feature constant episodes of drama and emotional intensity.

In this case, you can attract weak, needy, helpless or manipulative people – people in extremes of emotional crisis – in order to learn valuable life lessons. You can find yourself in relationships where one partner plays the role of adult and the other becomes the child. You might find yourself wondering why all of your friends seem to have problems? At the end of the day, this may have something to do with your need to feel needed, or inability to say no?

Healthy relationships need to be formed without guilt or co-dependency. Lessons in partnership usually involve learning to control and discipline your responses, so that they are appropriate to the situation at hand. You must also learn to trust what your instincts are telling you.

Family Life.

Family is likely to be very important to you. You will happily take on the role of responsible care-giver in any situation and will thrive on knowing you have a happy and productive family life. Whether you choose to focus your attention on family of origin or family of choice, a stronger sense of self will come through maintaining close family ties. 

When young, you may be deeply invested in the emotional state of your mother. This can be detrimental if bonds of responsibility are not transformed at a later stage. Letting go so as to develop independence and strength is crucial. You may have been dutiful as a child, shy and overly aware of the emotional undercurrents within your home.

It is easy for you to unconsciously take on your parents’ expectations, as you want to be obedient and conform to the family structure. Yet at the end of the day you must tread your own path. As you get older the action-oriented qualities of this sign should push you out into the world, to find your own identity on your own terms.

The Gift of Cancer Rising.

For greatest success, you need to understand how the ebb and flow of your own inner cycles, letting intuition guide you. Your sense of rhythm and timing will lead you to where you need to go. The accuracy of your often precise instincts is a great asset, and your intuitive hunches will almost always be spot on.

Trust your feelings and learn to decipher between what is real information and what is just an emotional response. In time you will learn that intuition is a higher form of knowledge and your feelings are in fact your sharpest tool.

LEO RISING.

Born with Leo on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to find that a sense of authority and the opportunity for creative self-expression is necessary if your are to maintain your selfhood. 

Accordingly, you will have your own unique or special way of doing this.

Your talents need to be developed so that they can grow.

In many ways, when Leo rises your task in life is to shine!

There is a strong need to be “somebody” – to feel important and respected somehow.

You will either grow in greater confidence and warmth of expression as you share your generous spirit with others, or develop a tendency toward affectation and extravagance which belies an underlying insecurity.

Much depends on the choices that you make.

Healthy Attention.

If Leo is your Ascendant you are likely to need attention and approval from others, so you are better off to admit that from the outset. The need to stand out in your own right is paramount. You have extraordinary reserves of creativity and love that need an outlet. Following your heart and exploring your passions will help you bring these gifts to the fore.

Once you feel you are getting the recognition you deserve then you can become a great source of fun, inspiration and leadership. Doing what you love brings your best qualities to the fore.

Larger than Life.

Just like the sun itself, you are likely to be fixed in focus -appearing constant and reliable, with a cheerful disposition that uplifts others. Life is to be enjoyed, and you may feel the need to live in a grand manner, befitting your “special” status. Or you may be happy with simple surroundings, but will make the effort to ensure there is plenty of time for pleasure, romance or fun.

In some ways you are likely to have a larger-than-life attitude. You are all about grand gestures, big dreams and stunning vistas. You are also likely to be a capable and demanding authority figure, well suited to leadership and managerial positions. Others respond well to your kindness, sense of fun, faith and optimism. As a rule, you tend to be proud, are sometimes insecure despite your capabilities, and hate above all else to be criticized.

As Leo is the sign of royalty, there may be a tendency to at times expect “the royal treatment” – indulgences befitting a personage of such elevated “status”. If not received, your temper tends to flare.

Overblown displays of outrage brought on by wounded pride can mask deep insecurities. The fear of ‘not being recognized’ easily becomes sullenness if you don’t feel that you are receiving your due.

A Born Leader.

The need for comfort and luxury is likely to lead you to work very hard for success. Your love of recognition makes achievement even more important for you. This is fine as long as you don’t work too hard, neglecting the family and friends who are after all your main audience and support crew. Give them their due attention and they will be there for you on the occasional day that you are down.

You are naturally here to lead in some way, but need to learn that leadership involves sharing command. Finding out what makes others special and unique helps you incorporate them into your plans. You must learn to temper your urge to fulfill your own potential by learning to appreciate and accept the contribution that every body makes to the whole, of which we are all a part.

Beware you don’t treat others with disdain or disrespect. You are so inclined to do things your own way, you may look down your nose, so to speak, at others who do not do things as you would. People will follow you gladly if you treat them with respect.

Scorn them, and they may leave you all alone, which is precisely the situation you fear. You need an audience or form of feedback to know you are performing at your best.

Turn Talents into Strengths.

When young you may have trouble adjusting your expectations to the actual circumstances of your life, but over time you will learn how to find the magic in the every day and the best in the people around you. Recognize where your talents lie and turn them into strengths. This means spending the time required to be your best and make the most of your unique gifts.

A positive statement for Leo rising is to affirm “I have the right to express my unique, individual creativity and spirit, and can do that without denying others the right to express theirs.”

The Gift Of Leo Rising.

It is important that you feel comfortable enough to show others who you really are, without demanding validation. Then you can shine from the uniqueness of your own creative spirit, bringing joy light and laughter to every situation in which you a part. You bring organizational and leadership qualities to any endeavour, with a natural flair for drama, creativity and fun.

VIRGO RISING.

Born with with Virgo on your Ascendant (or Rising), you are likely to view the world through the lens of mental analysis, with a view toward organization.

You have strong critical faculties and need to find practical outlets for your skills, talents and abilities.

Typically humble and at times self-effacing, you are likely be more concerned with being useful than being recognized.

You need to be productive – to be of service somehow – and your chosen career will typically give you the opportunity to experience best employ your skills.

You are likely to be practical, capable and dexterous.

You may be very good with facts, figures and details.

You may also be quite hard on yourself because of early childhood experiences, and need to learn to recognize and appreciate your talents.

The Urge For Service.

When your Ascendant is Virgo, you are usually willing to assist and be of service to others. Unless other chart factors dominate, you are likely to be hardworking, conscientious and studious. You like to know your place in the wider scheme, and feel most comfortable with a plan in place.

Cleanliness and order are often very important, as is the need to be systematic. You are likely to be good at solving problems, and will do well in any situation that requires you to work through an issue or challenge in a linear, demonstrable way.

A Tendency Toward Criticism.

Despite your abilities, you are likely to be tough on yourself, with a tendency to worry. If you do not perform tasks to an imagined standard of perfection you can be very self-critical. Your tendency to worry may undermine your nervous system, and the uncertainty of too much change can take a heavy toll.

On the way to realising your potential you may need to overcome a crippling lack of self-confidence. Virgo rising is often associated with a tendency to self-censor and self-criticize that can be debilitating. You may inwardly question and criticize every move that you make, leading to extreme levels of anxiety, and even chronic illness, if the impact on your nervous system becomes too much.

A Sensitive Constitution.

You may a have delicate constitution, and need to take extra care of your physical body. Your health, and especially digestion, is easily affected by negative thoughts and emotions. When anxious you will second-guess yourself. You may find yourself easily overwhelmed so that stress gets confused with logical analysis.

This confusion amplifies your tendency to self-doubt, and you should perhaps get feedback from others when you are spiralling down a mental sinkhole. Learning to praise, rather than criticize, your own talents is a great step forward. Developing a sense of purpose through being of assistance can work wonders.

Instead of trying to be perfect, perhaps you should aim instead to simply be better?

You may be very particular about food, which reflects your delicate nervous system. Learn to listen to your body and take care of your health, but watch out for tendencies to worry about your wellbeing as a substitute for something better to do!

Taking care of your self is a smart choice, and you will benefit greatly by incorporating a healthy diet, workable routines and natural therapies that can assist wellness. Regular practices such as yoga and meditation that work to synthesise mind/body focus are especially useful for you.

Discernment and Discrimination.

Whilst you enjoy doing things for others, you may have a need to try and control outcomes. This will be based on an innate fear of chaos or potential lack of order. You should make an effort to relax and welcome the input of other people. Look for people and experiences that can teach you how to flow, trusting in the natural rhythms of life without trying to preempt every outcome.

Virgo is associated with the assimilation of experience. This occurs through trial and analysis, through discernment and discrimination. Use the processes of metabolism and digestion as metaphors for your own approach to life, and in this way can learn to see any imbalances within your own body as perhaps symptomatic of an imbalance in how you are assimilating your experiences. Once you connect your fine sense of discrimination with your practical sensibility you can be of service to yourself and others in an unlimited numbers of ways.

The Gift of Virgo Rising.

At your best, you can be supportive, nurturing and stable helping others achieve practical outcomes. In this way, your sense of discernment, practicality and willingness to serve rises to the fore, adding purpose and fulfilment to your life. You do best with partners and friends who uplift you, helping you see the bigger picture behind immediate appearances.

[mintchocohip]

sub!bts as househusbands

╺ requested | the ot7 as househusbands!

╺ note | sub!bts x domme!reader. see each member for any notes!

TAEHYUNG ➜

note | roleplay

Visiting friends, putting on his errand boy hat, or wandering town with a camera, an empty stomach, and a pocketful of cash occupy chunks of Taehyung’s weekdays. He isn’t allowed to open his sub journal until three hours past noon—that’s the hour when he misses you the most. At the sanctioned time Taehyung opens the journal to today’s date and picks out a handwritten note delicately tucked into the pages. Today, he’s Maestra’s best student—recording himself practicing the new song you chose on his violin. “'I’ll do anything for Maestra. I would be her Cinderella,’” you’re finally home, and you’re sitting next to Taehyung on the couch reading aloud the journal entry he scribbled after sending you the recording, “'cleaning on hands and knees.’” Taehyung’s sheepishness at hearing you voice his fantasies is cured by a fluff of his hair and a fond kiss on his rosy ear. As you wash dishes with Taehyung later this evening you’ll contemplate tomorrow. Choosing these secret tasks is your prerogative. Still. Your husband always has amazing ideas. 

YOONGI ➜

notes | naked apron kink, mentions of pegging

Yoongi is the ideal house husband. He’s vigilant, hardworking, and resourceful. A need for time and space alone is never questioned. When your sleepy-eyed husband emerges from the solitude of his home studio, though, Yoongi needs tangible proof he’s making you happy. “An apron?” Yoongi glances down at the white sheath. He wandered into the kitchen to find you home from work with a shopping bag on your elbow. You’re holding the apron’s straps against his shoulders to judge the fit. “Cooking naked. Flying oil. Makes me nervous... I thought my little chef could use an apron.” Yoongi blinks. He knows he’s blushing. Usually, he doesn’t pull on clothes before waking up early to cook you breakfast and pack your lunch for work. Cooking for you is basic, respectful routine. It would be easier to toss on a baggy shirt than tie an apron. This gift mostly appears to benefit the person who strolls into the kitchen most mornings acting like you’re already hopped up on two espressos and daydreaming about giving him the strap tonight while you wake yourself up knowing full well the effect your naughty backhugs and whispered “good morning, baby”s have on his attempts to focus on stirring veggies in the frying pan, of course; but, Yoongi has a feeling he might enjoy it more than you do.

JUNGKOOK ➜

notes | mdlb, little!jk

Jungkook waited for the right moment expectantly. He sensed it in your aura. He felt it in the way you looked at him, listened to him, and held him in the weeks before. Something changed. It was a comfortable, gentle change. Jungkook cried when he proposed. He cried at the wedding. He cried when you said it would be better to stop renting dungeon space and instead find an apartment with a suitable extra room. Marriage was about romance, symbolism, and becoming yours. Jungkook knew his lifestyle of playing games and going to the gym all day wouldn’t change. You’re two self-sufficient people who fix up chores as they appear. Most days, Jungkook feels that vocally supporting your ambitions and treating the apartment like a laundrette are the most important things he can do. When you text him to say you’re coming home early and wondering if he could take out all of his littlespace things and set up the playroom before you’re through the door—shocks run up Jungkook’s spine. He gloats like your friend when he steals your snacks, and he thinks like a roommate when he asks if he can dedicate more closet space to his growing shoe collection. Right now, you need your partner. That special knowledge relaxes Jungkook with peaceful—dry-eyed—certainty.  

HOSEOK ➜

note | mommy kink

You didn’t know housework channels existed until Hoseok started one. The ‘mommy’ in his social media handle is cutesy but sincere. In the past Hoseok has always felt tingly and whole when you gave him a sarcastic “sorry, mom” after he scolded you for putting drain cleaner in the wrong cupboard or failing to tap down a coaster for a glass of water. Now, it’s what a legion of fans call the faceless, apron-clad man posting soothing clips of himself cleaning through every room of this gorgeous sunny apartment and, occasionally, grooming the puppies. You’ve never really looked at any of it. Hoseok appreciates that you have him so wholly you don’t need to. “Soft,” you mutter while laying in bed with him at night. You’re playing with his hair to make him smile. Hoseok knows a certain bedside drawer is off-limits from his urge to tidy and rearrange. When you roll over to open it he curls up inside. At some point this house gained two mommies. Only one Mommy is dignified with a capital M in texts through fluxes of dirty talk and reminders to buy new air filters. Only one of them decides when and how Hoseok gets off. Your husband enjoys organizing his days. For your sake, he’s even happier to surrender his nights. 

JIMIN ➜

note | lifestyle d/s

Watered plants, vacuumed cat hair, spotless surfaces, empty recycling, lines in praise of Mistress. Jimin sends you photos of today’s completed chores at the scheduled times and gets cute emojis in return. If he lived alone Jimin might spend all day playing with the foster cats and downing wine at brunch. As it is, he carefully considers a new color scheme for the bathroom. He needs this space to be pretty for you. Shopping with a wide open budget usually distracts Jimin into sending you pictures of a giant teddy bear and asking if you would be angry to find it in the living room when you come home. Although he flutters from amusement to amusement, Jimin is always home, relaxed, and wearing the clothes you like when he needs to be. Hanging up your backpack and taking off your shoes, following you into the bedroom, and kneeling at the edge of the bed to massage your legs and eat your cunt is ritualistic. Jimin makes amazing coffee. You lounge in bed, sip the mug he brings, and tell him what to order for dinner. Discipline earns its rewards. The reason you bicker with smiles on your faces about Jimin’s definition of “spotless surfaces” is absolute comfort. You know what you want from each other, and you want the same things.  

NAMJOON ➜

Lounging in the garden is a fine way to spend a weekend afternoon. Cool shade inside the wisteria tunnel is dappling Namjoon with light and shadow. You lean over the picnic tatami and clink lemonade cans with the man who created this masterpiece. He smiles shyly when he realizes you’re staring. You’re giving him that look. Once upon a time, discovering that you don’t care too much about your surroundings excited Namjoon. It’s a form of power he never thought he would have in a marriage. Perusing local furniture galleries and commissioning artists to furnish a home that suits his aesthetic sparked Namjoon’s creativity. Tempering compost, monitoring seedlings in the garden, and flecking walkways with wildflowers and willows brims him with encompassing adoration for life. Beauty is created in the wake of his passionate work. “Unbutton your shirt halfway.” You're taking a sip of lemonade, leaning back, and watching Namjoon follow your instruction. Buttons open somewhat shakily. He rests his hands and waits to hear your next idle thought on what he should do for you. The outlines of these moments cross your mind slowly and meander to your imagination. You don’t have the patience for gardening. You do have the patience to capture some of Namjoon’s beauty for yourself.  

SEOKJIN ➜

note | blindfolds

Your coworkers have met him at parties. Seokjin is a friendly, handsome man with savoir faire. A creative list of salacious reasons a man like that would drop his career forms behind your back. Seokjin scoffs when you relay gossip to him. He’s especially fond of the idea he’s a criminal witness skirting discovery. Trying the hobbies he never had time for, taking his little cousins to the aquarium, fishing weekends, signing up for classes at the local university, streaming liveplays out of his gaming room or cooking tutorials out of the fancy kitchen you funded—Seokjin savors it all with fresh-faced enthusiasm. Some days he just takes out the trash, folds laundry, edges himself, gets bored, catnaps, and checks his phone to see if you can call because he’s lonely today and nothing he could do compares to hearing his wife tell him what’s on her mind. There is an unwieldy desire inside Seokjin, despite it all. He needs to demonstrate the ways he cherishes, protects, and provides for you. Sometimes, it’s being the person you need to tell about your day. It’s being the person who cooks your comfort foods, provides warm hugs, queues your shows, and takes you on dates. Most often, it’s your kiss on his forehead as you adjust the blindfold and praise him sweetly. “You’re the reason,” you remind him with another kiss, “that I’m always smiling when I think about home.”

[luverofralts]

Post Arkhelios

She had put on a positive face for Abe, but internally Ulyssa was extremely conflicted about her feelings for Roman. She knew that he legitimately cared about Abe, but also knew how self absorbed Roman could be. It was the Bellamy way to act like they were above everyone else and Roman had learned a lot from his grandfather. It seemed like Abe was the only person able to cut through the Bellamy brainwashing and get Roman to feel. In the corner of her mind, Ulyssa wondered how Roman would have treated the situation if she had gotten pregnant from their brief affair or if he’d ever been able to seduce her idiot brother. Probably even worse than this, if she was being honest with herself.

Her feelings towards Roman were always in flux because of the huge wall that he put up between him and the world. She was never sure if she actually liked Roman or was attracted to him, or felt pity for him, or if she secretly enjoyed their little arguments. Maybe Abe could help bring that wall down permanently one day, or at the very least, keep Roman from pissing people off so frequently.

Ulyssa left an hour later, after making sure Abe was in an okay place about his boyfriend. If she wasn’t sure about her feelings about Roman, she at least was starting to see Abe and Lucy as friends because of all of this. In a place like Arkhelios, teen friendships seemed to be rare, and however this all ended, Ulyssa was glad that she had gotten to better know the Chuns. Between this secret, and their parents running off together, she knew that if she needed support, she could actually find some back in Arkhelios.

Abe had gone to bed immediately after Ulyssa left, if only to have some time for himself away from Lucy’s over protectiveness. His mind was swirling with thoughts and feelings that he needed to process by himself without her open anger at Roman. To be honest though, he was starting to feel influenced by her remarks. Maybe Roman wasn’t coming back after all. Maybe he would return to school, and only see his family over school breaks.

An even worse feeling came over him suddenly. What if he brought home someone else from Pleasantview? Even if it had been arranged by his grandfather without Roman’s input, Abe wasn’t sure that he could live in an Arkhelios where Roman was engaged to some rich sim and forgot about all about him. He knew Lucy thought about this possibility all the time, and it had been Roman’s mission to bring new people here by any means necessary....

Abe buried his head in his pillow and groaned. This was a line of thought for tomorrow, when he didn’t feel so hopeless.

His bedroom door squeaked open, and Abe figured that it was just Lucy checking on him again. He turned on his side and pretended to be asleep, so she wouldn’t stay to make even more pitying remarks about Roman’s intentions.

“Abe? Are you awake?”

Abe bolted up quickly in his bed. He’d know that voice anywhere!

“Roman! You’re here! I can’t believe it!”

Against all odds, Roman was actually standing in Abe’s bedroom. Unless this was some kind of magical hallucination or trick, Abe had been right about Roman’s feelings for him.

Roman looked awkwardly at his feet.

“....Hi. How are you?” Roman cursed himself internally for being so awkward. It was just Abe after all. Still, it felt weird to talk to him now without bringing up the elephant in the room.

“Lucy was convinced that you were half-way to Veronaville by now.”

Roman flushed furiously. Neither teen moved for fear of spooking the other one. Abe could feel the tension in the room like it was physically pressing on him.

“I just needed some time,” Roman said. “I shouldn’t have run...but I’m here now. I want to be there for you...if you still want me to be.”

The tension began to ease. Abe quickly crossed the distance between them and grabbed Roman’s hands, placing them on his ever expanding stomach.

“Of course I still want you here!” he said fiercely. “It’s all I’ve been wanting since I found out about this...situation.”

The two teens sat on the floor and looked at the ground. Neither one seemed to know what to say. Roman reached for Abe’s hand, which caused Abe to jump and Roman quickly withdrew his own hand. Touching each other was what had caused this situation in the first place, and Abe still had Lucy’s warnings ringing in his head. Maybe if Roman had come immediately things would have been fine, but Abe had been freaking out alone for days now, and there was still awkwardness between them. Roman cleared his throat.

“H-how have things been?”

“The morning sickness has gotten a lot better, thank god,” Abe replied, and Roman nodded sympathetically.

“That sounds rough.” He made and held eye contact with Abe. “I’m sorry that I took so long to get here. I...I’m sorry that I put you in this position to start with. I never intended for this to happen.”

Abe reached for his hand without hesitation this time.

“I know,” he said. “Neither did I. It’s been kind of a roller coaster of feelings the past few days.”

“My uncle Hunter is adopted,” Roman blurted out suddenly. “His dad was Launce Durant, and my grandparents adopted him.”

Abe realized where this conversation was heading, and he was glad that Roman brought it up first. He had heard the Durants talking about their long lost half-brother before, and everyone wondered who Hunter’s other parent had been. Abe’s mom used to date Launce, but everyone knew how Launce’s life had spiraled out of control when his brother Benvolio died. Any one could be Hunter’s mother or father. Elaine had certainly not commented on Hunter’s origins, and Abe figured that if he had a half-brother out there, she would have probably mentioned it by now.

“When I worked at the orphanage, the kids seemed pretty happy,” Roman continued, playing absentmindedly with his shoelaces. “Some of them got adopted really quickly. I don’t think anyone here would know if...if we went there.”

Tears were starting to well up for both teens. Abe nodded and wiped his eyes.

“Yeah, no one would know,” he repeated sadly. “Maybe that’s best. Hunter seems really happy, and Launce sees him all the time now.”

Abe crawled back into his bed, and Roman mindlessly followed. Abe wrapped himself around Roman and tried not to cry.

“Roman? I don’t want to be like Launce,” he whispered. “Stay with me? We can figure this out together. What’s the difference of our families finding out about us now instead of when we’re in college? It’s only a few years.”

Roman froze momentarily, remembering his grandfather’s anger at the idea of him even talking to the Chuns, and the disappointment of his grandmother for not heeding her warnings about him following his hormones. He thought of how intensely Elaine watched him while he was near Abe, and what Lucy and Ulyssa surely thought of him by now.

He pulled Abe in closer to him.

“Okay,” he vowed. “We’ll do this together. Who cares about who knows.”

Elaine left for work early in the morning, blissfully unaware of the teenage drama brewing in her house. Oriana had pressing business at the bank for Abraham’s estate, and hitched a ride downtown with her wife, leaving the house in Ironman’s control. He had been acting a little dodgy lately when she talked about the kids, but she chalked it up to him readjusting to having Elaine back in his life, and getting to know the kids he had never seen because of Elaine and Abraham’s fighting.

Ironman purposely started his house cleaning away from the noisy kitchen, where he could hear Lucy shouting. Better to have plausible deniability and not check into that, he decided. He wasn’t sure to what extent his programming would allow him to keep information from his partner, so knowing nothing was probably the safer route. He felt that Oriana and Elaine would have more compassion than Abraham had shown for Elaine all those years ago, but he didn’t want to risk history repeating itself.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Lucy was shouting presumably at some one who didn’t normally live there, and was therefore a part of this messy situation. Ironman made himself scarce before he found out more.

Jorah had come over to walk to school with Lucy like he usually did, and was currently holding her back from attacking Roman.

“It’s romantic, he sighed dreamily. “Two people from fighting families falling in love and running off to start a life together....”

Finding Roman making pancakes for her brother was the last thing Lucy had expected to see that morning. The fact that they were acting so weirdly in love, and holding each other like they had planned this whole mess...It was impossible to stomach. Roman abandoned Abe for days and now here he was making a mess of the kitchen and spouting off syrupy declarations of love to her idiot brother.

“Jorah you can’t be buying this,” she groaned. “This is ridiculous! This isn’t a Veronaville soap opera, it’s real life and you two are about to ruin both of yours. Don’t let Roman drag you down like this Abe. He may have hit rock bottom, but you still have a future!”

“I haven’t hit rock bottom,” Roman corrected while flipping pancakes. “Dropping out of school means that I have time to be a dad now, and I can make breakfast for Abe every day.”

“Dropping out? You are being expelled,” Lucy corrected angrily. “And you have no money, no job and now no education. Where are you going to live? How are you going to pay for things like diapers and you know, basic things like food?”

Abe poked at his pancakes nervously.

“Well, Mom might let us stay,” he said. “Or the Bellamys. I’m sure they’d understand, and want to help raise their grandkid.”

“You think Mom is going to let Roman Bellamy live in our house? You think the Bellamys won’t just kick you to the curb? Look at how they’ve treated Adam his whole life. Look at how they’re treating him and Omar now!”

“But this would be different,” Abe protested. “Our families could come together now and be happy. Romeo and Juliet’s love always ends the fighting in the stories.”

Lucy just stared at her brother, unable to comprehend his line of thinking.

“No, you know what brings Romeo and Juliet’s families together? Death and lots of it.” She pointed at Abe with intensity. “If you decide to bring this idiot to Mom or walk into Salem Bellamy’s house with a baby, that’s all you will get too. If you are really serious about ruining your life, then go anywhere but here with Roman. Go to Pleasantview. Go live out your stupid fantasy in Veronaville. Just leave before you become yet another unsolved murder here.”

Lucy stood up dramatically, dragging an open mouthed Jorah with her.

“Some of us still have school to attend.”

[gyuutahoe]

The Pen and Sword - Part 3

Summary: Newly recruited to the Demon Slayer Corps, you finally meet your designated swordsmith. He may be as much of a misanthrope as others had warned, but you were nothing if not determined to bring him out of his shell.

Warnings: None

a/n: female reader, eventual smut, penpals with the feral misanthrope, both reader and Haganezuka are seventeen at the start of the story, established backstory for reader.

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Marketplaces were always your weakness.

The hypnotic, dizzying flux of city life was exhilarating, and you channeled that excitement into each step you took through the beautiful, colorful, noisy market of Osaka. Had it not been for the irascible young Pillar of Flame keeping you on track, you might have wandered off and lost yourself in kimono patterns and antique teacups. Your hands were itching for a needle and thread these days.

Rengoku’s grip on your sleeve was like a leash. It reminded you of your oldest brother, so stern and resolute. “Can you walk faster?” he grumbled, tugging you along. “You’re like a bird, getting distracted by shiny things.”

A retort was on the tip of your tongue, only … something shiny did catch your eye, a multitude of tinkling glass wind chimes dangling from wooden scaffolding and beckoning you closer with their paper ends, stretching out towards you like old friends as the wind rattled their clappers.

“Rengoku-san, will this market still be here after we find the demon?”

He looked at you as though you were a pesky child. “You win a few fights and you already think the world waits for you? We have another assignment after this.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” you lightly said, and the corner of your mouth quirked upward. “I thought I saw a pretty comb that Ruka might really like. It had a fox painted on it.” You blinked up at him. “Did you know that’s her favorite animal?”

Rengoku eyed you for a moment before turning away with a guarded expression. “Is it now …” he trailed off.

You smiled in victory and looked behind you, catching a fleeting glimpse of the wind chimes as your sword rested comfortably at your hip.

———————❖———————

Haganezuka was at a loss.

A package rested inconspicuously on his table as he knelt before it, examining it from all directions until curiosity finally won him over and urged him to pluck off the accompanying letter attached to the wrapping.

He did not request a shipment of supplies recently, and the box was far too small to be a customer’s blade. And when he saw your name written on the sealed letter, with penmanship far more beautiful than he had ever seen before, Haganezuka was still baffled. You said you would write to him, not send him anything. Were these the remnants of your sword? Did you stuff the broken pieces into a small box like some ungrateful heathen? The mere thought of it made his pulse race, and before he could calm himself, he was tearing the wrapping to shreds.

A wind chime.

His clawed hands paused immediately upon seeing the fragile glass, and his ire diffused instantly as he carefully brought it out to hold in his hands.

The glass had the barest hint of green tint pressed into it. Very different from his collection. Even the flowers were different, some sort of outrageous white shape he had never seen before. Haganezuka dangled the wind chime by its string to hear its sound - light, high-pitched, and quick. Not quite like the lower melody of his bells, but it pleased him all the same. It was a new sound to admire and focus on, with just the right amount of bite to its song to grab his attention. He played with the bell for a minute, swaying it to and fro as he listened. The sound did not calm him so much as it invigorated him. Like it had something important to say and demanded his audience.

He hadn’t received a gift so thoughtful in a long time. Why did you send him this?

The letter.

Haganezuka-san, I hope you do not mind me sending you a package so suddenly. I came across a marketplace where a glass blower sold handcrafted wind chimes, and I thought of you instantly. The flowers are sagisō. They mean ‘my thoughts will follow you into your dreams’. It is my way of hoping my good wishes reach you. Please accept this gift as thanks for your beautiful blade. It has served me well so far - I have slain three demons with ease. Take care of yourself.

———————❖———————

A few days passed before you received a response. Not that you expected one to begin with, so it was a lovely surprise to come back to after a long day of training with Kuwajima.

I received your wind chime and hung it at the door of my forge. Clean your blade daily. Don’t be lazy. Safe travels.

You imagined him hesitating at the last sentence, pen hovering over the paper as he thought of an adequate send-off. It made you giggle fondly as you hid your smile behind the letter, innocently ignoring the questioning glance of your mentor.

———————❖———————

The lingering chill of spring gave way to an undeniably relaxing summer breeze, prompting Haganezuka to wander out of his forge in search of a local villager’s food cart. He did not have the patience to cook for himself. Why waste precious time when he still needed to harden the edge of his clay-encrusted sword?

And that is how the postman found him, stuffing his face with a bowl of yakisoba while he walked back to work.

He glared at the cowering man and grabbed the proffered letter. Let’s see what jackass needs another replacement , he groused to himself as he tore it open, balancing the yakisoba in the crook of his arm.

Familiar handwriting. How could he forget this penmanship befitting of an aristocrat? It could only be you.

Haganezuka-san, I felt inspired to write to you once more. It relates to a mission I recently completed. A demon lured me into the forest in hopes of blinding me with darkness. But I had the company of the full moon to light my path, and by fortuitous chance, I happened upon a grassy clearing that was illuminated by fireflies!

Haganezuka pinched the edges of the paper so tightly that the veins in his fingers threatened to burst. If this was leading to a jibe about his name, he would make you pay.

I wanted to close my eyes and listen for the demon, as I always do, but for the first time I felt inclined to rely on my sight. The fireflies really captivated me. The weight of my blade kept me focused on the task at hand, but I could not help the sudden strike of realization that occured to me as I watched the fireflies. And that thought is as follows: could it be that you were named Hotaru because the bright sparks flying out from striking a heated blade reminded your father of fireflies? The idea made me smile. I sat and watched the fireflies for a while. There is much to learn from their movements. Anyway, I drew the forest when I had some time after the battle.

He blinked and stared at the sketch. Simple yet structured. Every pen stroke held an important detail. It was not a masterpiece, but it was lovely all the same.

Heated sparks … like fireflies …

Perhaps his given name was not so embarrassing after all.

———————❖———————

Hello again! What I am about to say may seem silly, but I always dreamed of seeing the ocean, and that day has finally arrived! I cannot begin to explain the terrifying vastness of the water. Have you ever seen the ocean? Did it exhilarate and humble you like it did to me? I dared to walk barefoot along the coastline, even though it felt like I could be pulled in at any moment. The water was very cold and the salty air turned my hair into brittle kelp, but the sand felt so soft between my toes. I listened to the waves for a long time while I meditated with my sword in my lap. Ocean waves look very similar to the hamon on my blade. As per usual, I drew the landscape for you in case you have not seen the ocean.

Haganezuka treated himself to some dango as he read your letter. Later on, he would still taste the saltiness of the dango on his tongue as he folded burning steel. While he lost himself in thought during the methodical process, the wind chime at his door brought forth the memory of your light laughter. Did you laugh this freely as the water lapped at your feet? Did you taste the salty air on your tongue? Haganezuka somehow felt like he was there with you.

———————❖———————

I heard an interesting saying - the pen is mightier than the sword. Perhaps that might not resonate with you, but I wonder what you think about this phase.

———————❖———————

For the first time since the start of your one-sided correspondence, Haganezuka wrote you an actual, full-length letter. Or rather, he sent you pages upon pages of nothing other than his thoughts on how the pen was not, in fact, mightier than the sword, and that he nearly used your letter to wrap his steel wafers for smelting because it angered him so.

- dumbass would believe that bullshit. Did words allow the Edo bakufu to secure power? No, it was blood and steel. If I could meet the moron who thought of that saying, I would shove that pen right up his -

“What’s making you laugh so hard?”

You tittered as Ruka sat down beside you. “My swordsmith.” You passed the letter to your curious friend. “He has such a way with words, don’t you think?”

Seconds into reading the letter, her neutral demeanor turned into one of mild bemusement. “What a thing to send to a young woman,” Ruka drawled, handing the letter back to you.

“Not so different from Rengoku-san, though.”

She smiled fondly. “No. Not at all.” With the grace of one who hides the sudden spark of an idea, Ruka motioned you to turn around. “Let me braid your hair. The summer heat must be strangling your poor neck right now.”

You dutifully complied. Soft, gentle fingers brushed through your hair, making your scalp tingle pleasantly.

Why don’t you ever let me style your beautiful hair? Mother keeps telling me how unattentive I am with you -

“ - to me very soon.”

“I - I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” You sucked in a quick breath. “I got distracted by that pesky cicada.”

“I said Shinjuro will propose to me very soon.” Ruka weaved a ribbon through your hair as she spoke. “Perhaps at the end of summer, so that we will have time to prepare for a winter ceremony.”

“That is wonderful!” you gasped. “To think, only three months ago he was still figuring out how to give you that fox comb. You know I walked in on him practicing that, right?”

Her melodic laugh was infectious. “And then he handed it to me as though he were a general barking a command at his soldier,” she reminisced, carefully moving the finished braid over your shoulder. “That blush was as fierce as the red in his hair.”

“He tries his best, doesn’t he?” you snickered, and upon feeling her soft touch lingering on your shoulder blade, your smile dulled a little.

“Does the wound still hurt?” Ruka asked. “With the humidity - “

“Please don’t worry,” you hastily replied, angling yourself to the side until the touch fell away. “It’s been months, Ruka. The wound is fully healed.” She cocked a brow at you, and you placed a hand over hers as you softened your voice. “Really. I’m alright.”

She eyed you silently. “ … if you say so.”

You offered a placating smile to seal the deal. “So, how did you find out about the inevitable proposal?”

“Between Shinjuro’s loud mouth and the gossip that goes on among the Demon Slayers, it was inevitable that the old women of the safehouses would hear about this.” She shook her head. “My own grandmother ruined the surprise.”

“At least you can look forward to how painfully awkward Rengoku-san will be when the time comes.”

Ruka scoffed. “I am always prepared to handle that silly man.”

“I don’t doubt that,” you giggled. “Your stern looks trip him up sometimes. So cruel!”

Not even your newly acquired lightning-fast reflexes could dodge Ruka’s smack upside your head.

———————❖———————

Warm greetings, Haganezuka-san. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I will be visiting your village in four days. Would you mind looking over my blade to make sure it is in proper condition?

———————❖———————

You can come.

[what-the--curtains]

Alliance

Chapter 9 – The Hunt

(Mando x f!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: After recovering you set off to find the man who tried to kill you. Killing him proves to be more difficult than expected when the ones you love are threatened, and on the other side of the choice, your own future.

Authors note: One more chapter to go!! Some angst at the end here! Hope y’all enjoy ❤️❤️❤️! (I also did some very average fan art if y’all haven’t seen it yet!)

Tw: sex is alluded to (not depicted), decapitation, force choke

Word count: 4.9k

Tagged list: @crazycookiecrumbles, @seninjakitey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet proved harder to find than expected, despite Anya's best efforts, something was fogging up her tracking causing your coordinates to be constantly in flux. She’d easily lead you past the outer rim, but since then it had been akin to a wild goose chase.

“Any idea who tried to kill you.” Din asks, he'd been exceptionally patient throughout the journey thus far. Never questioning your methods just typing in the new location coordinates calmly and re aligning the ship on its new course.

“Did kill me” you correct, as your hand moves absentmindedly over the healed wound. “but no, I dont. They had a lightsaber though”

“Was it a Jedi?” he asks earnestly.

“Well based on the context clues, I'd definitely say at least Jedi adjacent” you laugh, for a savvy strategist who knew multiple languages you sometimes found yourself questioning if his brain was in fact functioning.

“Why would a Jedi try and kill you?”

“Your guess is as good as mine”

“How do they decide on colors?” He asks after a somewhat awkward silence

“Hmmm” you hum out in confusion, only half paying attention to what he had said.

“The light swords? Ashoka's are blue, yours is purple and the figures, well there's was red” your heart stops.

“It was red?” you ask, sitting up in your seat giving him your undivided attention.

“Ya does that mean something?” He watches your eyes slowly piecing together what he'd just told you.

“That’s impossible, the Sith were defeated. They died with the emperor.” you affirm, your sure red was a common colour used by Jedi nowadays, sure no one had ever seen one before, but there was a first time for everything right?

“So were the Jedi.” he points out.

“Do you always have to be right?” you ask slightly irritated for a reason you couldn’t quite explain. He doesn't respond; he knows a rhetorical question when he hears one but unsure what he had done to upset you. An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air, a sensation you'd never experienced with the Mandalorian before. Not wanting to stew in the quiet you head down to the lower levels and try and calm your frazzled mind. Sitting down you cross your legs, one over the other, as you close your eyes.

On the best of days meditating was a chore, but under the current situation it had become an impossible task. It wasn’t the threat of being ambushed that had you distracted, no something else was playing heavily on your mind. It was what was causing the punctuated silences, forced conversation and overall awkwardness in the atmosphere. It was your own doing. Seriously, who kisses a man whose face they've never seen! Idiots that's who and now it was stuck on your mind. In your defense you thought you wouldn't have to deal with the fallout so quickly. You should have known he’d have insisted on going with you, but you hadn't thought that far ahead, or at all and now you had to sit with the fact that you’d possibly ruined your comfortable friendship by planting one on him. Technically it wasn’t a real kiss,or maybe it was, how did Mandalorians kiss anyways? There you were down the rabbit hole again, this is why you couldn't focus, you curse yourself. Shaking your head you remind yourself it was only done in an attempt to get around him, a strategic move to protect the group, nothing more, nothing less. Keeping that in mind you manage to focus and you feel the galaxy's pulse emitting throughout the ship, inhaling and exhaling with the undulations around you.

Din, bored and missing the usually witty banter you offered him, decided it was time for him to clear the air in regards to the kiss. He hopes by telling you that he knew it was only done to get around him, you’d become more relaxed. The last thing he wanted was for you to be uncomfortable around him. He knew you'd never want to be with someone like him, at least in that way. As he turns around he sees you cross legged floating in the air, not wanting to interrupt he heads back up. Anya lifts her head as he re-enters, looking at him as if she knew what he was thinking. He’ll clear the air with you later, the two of you had plenty of time to talk.

You curse as your journey gets rerouted for what had to be the twelfth time in the past two days. Whoever was hunting you did not want to be found and no amount of swearing or whacking the console would change that. The closer you got to your destination the more you felt the malevolent presence grow. You found yourself wondering if it had always been with you, finding it hard to remember a time when it wasn't gnawing at your conscience. Each time you feel it scratching at your doors you remember Ashoka's words “be careful who you let into your head.” You'd made that mistake once with devastating consequences. You would not be making it again. Your energy was now primarily being spent keeping the presence at bay, not allowing it to penetrate any deeper than it already had. Sleeping only acted as an open invitation for the figure to torture you so you opted to forgo it altogether. Perhaps not the wisest decision, but what other choice did you have.

“The planet’s still a few days away.” Din says, noting the unraveled look in your eyes as you take your place next to him.

“Anything to do on this ship.” You ask, fidgeting in your seat. “like games or something” he doesn't respond “Hey beskar head! You awake under that helmet?”. You ask partially joking, partially annoyed that he wasn't talking to you.

“Yes.”

“Yes to games or yes to being awake?”

“To games” you smile, you never knew if he was actually making jokes or if you were just reading into it. The finer details of his personality artfully hidden beneath the metal exterior.

“Got Dejarik, you know how to play?” he asks, glad that you were back to yourself for the time being.

“I'm alright” you say smiling, you were better than alright, at least you think. To be fair you'd only ever played against one person and she was family and probably inclined to letting you win.

“You're cheating!” he exclaims, his annoyance apparent even through the modulator. Your skills were better than you expected especially after all those years, well either that or the Mandalorian was just that bad.

“How?” you ask, laughing at how frustrated he was getting. It was funny when you beat him the second time, but by gods it was even funnier when you beat him the seventh time.

“The force!” He says clenching his hand as he stares down at the board.

“I don't think the force bothers itself with helping me beat you at Dejarik.” you point out, as he grumbles something indistinguishable.

“Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are.” You tease pointing your finger at him eyebrows raised and a smirk plastered on your face.

“That’s not what I’ve been told,” he responds.

“About Dejarik or?” he laughs it off, but you seriously wanted to know the answer. After Cara told you he was allowed to have sex it was a question that you’d thought about a lot, more than you probably should have, but hey you were curious. Realizing the Mandalorian was now turning the game board over to see if it was rigged, you decide to change games.

“You still got that indestructible spear. The beskar one?” you ask nonchalantly.

“Yes, not something i'm planning on losing” he nods

“Fancy a match?” you offer you needed to work on your fighting skills, practicing on the air only went so far.

“Only if you promise not to slice through my ship.” He says, standing up.

“Only if you promise not to cry when I beat you.” you return causing him to scoff

“Oh im not going to be the one crying” he assures.

You stand in the ship's far corner across from Din who haphazardly twirls the spear in his hand as you open up your saber, raising it waiting for him to make the first move. He stays his ground, you and him were both defensive fighters and you knew he was far too stubborn to change his routine. Leaping forward you land in front of him, your saber making contact with the spear. After a few seconds spent testing his strength you know there's no feasible way for you to out muscle him. You'd have to out maneuver him. He’d seen you fight stronger opponents before so you’d have to think outside the box on this one. You move out from under the spear the release of your counter force causing Din to stumble forward. You turn aiming for his shin, but his arm reaches back the spear stopping your hit from connecting with his armour. You circle round him so you're once again face to face giving him enough time to stand back up. He turns quickly, swinging the spear as he does, aiming for your waist. You jump over the swipe landing behind him, hitting him in the back.

“Point to me.” you say

“No using the force” he says, turning to look down at you, his presence suddenly looming.

“I wasn't, I can just jump really high!” You lie.

“Likely story” he says brushing past you as he moves back to his starting spot

“What was that I said about crying earlier?” you question.

He's got you talking too long and he sweeps your feet out from under you knocking you on your ass and gently tapping you on the head with the spear.

“Point me” he says, offering you his hand.

“That was dirty” you say as he hoists you up.

“Who says we're playing clean sweetheart?” The term catches both of you off guard, but he's flustered himself more than you, allowing you to land the next two points.

“Hope your ego isn't too hurt darling.” you mock back at him as metal and light collide once again.

“It’s not over yet” he says, using all his strength to march you back towards the wall pinning you against it with his spear.

“You need to work on your attack, you leave a lot open” he says, breathing heavily.

“You need to work on a codpiece, it leaves a lot open” you retort, kneeing him in the groin, hard enough for him to drop you, but not so hard that it kept him down for long.

“Not enough beskar” he murmurs, hoping to get the last word in.

“Oh big brag for a man who just lost several games of Dejarik in a row and” your sentence is cut short as the spear taps the small of your back giving him the winning point

“And what?”

“Oh real classy Din, can’t win a fair fight” you say hand on your hip.

“It was fair considering I wasn't going 100%”

‘Oh you weren't” you mock, the smile telling him you were amused and not upset by his antics, the gentle slap on his arm further verifying this. The moments like this were nice, but as you continue to gain on your target they became fleeting. The Mandalorian watches as your ability to focus waivers, your frustration becoming increasingly evident in your training. Miraculously, you hadn't sliced through anything important, but the ship’s interior was constantly needing to be patched up. At least it kept him occupied and out of your hair. You looked like you were fighting a hidden battle, one he would gladly fight with you, if you'd let him. He didn’t know the full extent of your struggle, but he knew the anger he felt simmering inside you wasn't being aided by your refusal to sleep.

Your irritability, although caused by exerting tremendous energy keeping the figure at bay, was no excuse for the times you had lashed out at the Mandalorian. The most recent outburst occurred when he'd stepped on your foot after you had explicitly told him to watch out. In hindsight, threatening to melt his beskar down and turn it into a hearing aid for him so he could stop being such a nerf herder was a touch harsh. Alright, incredibly harsh especially considering he'd attempted to apologize before you went off on him.

“Sorry I threatened the beskar” you murmur sitting down next to him

“Are you going to tell me what's going on?” he asks

“Going on where” you ask

“Well it can't just be air in your head” he jokes, causing you to laugh for the first time in a few days.

“Seriously though , I'm sorry Ive been out of line, and it's not fair on you, you’ve been so understanding.”

“You know what might help with the outbursts?”

“A lecture?” you remark, your tone harsher than intended

“No, sleep, you should try it sometime”

“I'm fine without it” you say, the yawn escaping your lips contradicting your words.

“You should sleep.”

“ You don’t.” you remark hoping to catch him off guard, but he's obviously rehearsed this conversation a few times.

“ I don’t need to.”

“Neither do I.” You lie, almost a year later and you still had no idea how he slept so little, though your current working theory was that he would just take naps under the helmet when he thought he could get away with it.

“No, you can't sleep, there's a distinct difference.”

Not wanting to lash out at him for the third time that day and knowing he was right, you make a swift exit. You push the button that opens up to the tight sleeping quarters where you'd spent many hours lying awake. You were hoping that you'd reached an exhaustion point where your body would just shut down. You lay back on the bed not bothering with the covers, you weren't expecting to get comfortable. Anya had stopped trying to sleep in the same bed as you, usually getting inadvertently kicked or shoved out the bed by your constant movements. Your eyes can’t have been closed for more than a minute when they snap open. Despite their alertness your body's gone limp. What fresh hell was this? As your eyes adjust to the darkness you can only just make out the hauntingly familiar shape sitting at the edge of your bed. You go to call out for the Mandalorian, but no sound is emitted, nothing comes out at all not even air. You watch helplessly as the figure's arm extends ensnaring you in a choke hold, the yellow iris shining out beneath the hood, confirming your worst fear. A Sith. You scream yourself awake, the force causing items to fly to the ground, no doubt alerting the Mandalorian. You bring your knees to your chest grabbing at your scalp telling yourself it wasn’t real, but it didn't matter what you said. The truth was you couldn’t tell anymore all lines had blurred together. You get up off the bed looking around the room already exhausted at having to clean up yet another mess you had made. You lean over picking up the weapons that had fallen off the armoury hanging them back up when you hear the Mandalorian drop down the sound startling you.

“I'm sorry” you mutter embarrassed, not looking up as you move to grab the few dishes currently lying on the floor.

“What did I say about breaking the ship?” he says, chuckling slightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. He bends down to help you but you grab his arm stopping him.

“I made the mess. I'll clean it up.” You say gathering up the utensil and placing them back on the table absentmindedly stroking your throat as you turn to pick up the rest. As you reach for the chess board he grabs your hands, intertwining his fingers with yours, leading you back over to the bed.

“Get some rest, I'll clean up,” he says softly, sitting you down on the bed.

“Stop telling me what to do Din, besides it's not working.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t and unless you can think up a way to make me then were shit out of luck.”

“I can think of a few ways.” he mumbles hoping it was loud enough for you to hear.

“Like what? Knocking me out with a blaster?” you scoff

“ A less violent way,” The words leave his mouth before he can fully assess the pros and cons of what he was offering to do.

“Reciting the entire code of conduct of the mandalore race to me?” Gods, how were you still not getting this.

“A less boring way.” He prays that you either catch on or he passes away suddenly so as to save him from any further embarrassment.

“Oh” you punctuate, lips parted slightly suddenly realizing exactly what was being offered to you “you think you can tire me out?”

“Only if you want.” he says, more confident now you hadn't outright rejected him

“Well I have been dying to see what’s under that armour”

“ You’ve seen it before”, and you couldn't wait to see it again.

“Not all of it”

“The helmet stays on,” he asserts.

“Not what I was referring to.” He stands there for a moment unsure how to proceed, not wanting to have misread the situation. “Well are you just going to stand there or are you not a man of your word?” That’s all the encouragement he needs.

“You want me to stop at any time, you just say so cyar’ika”

Once again the Mandalorian was right ; he was able to tire you out. Neither of you say anything after both at a loss for words, and not wanting to ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing. You fall asleep with his arm wrapped securely around your waist, as the other runs up and down your back. His heartbeat lulling you into a deep sleep, his presence managing to stay off any nightmares, at least for now.

He stays with you long after you’ve dozed off watching your back rise and fall in time with your breathing, he thanks the gods you were finally resting. He intently studies the faint purple markings covering your body, wondering how long they'd been there. His hand then tracing over the scars on your back, he wants to know how you got them. He wanted to know everything. Once this was all a distant memory he’d ask, if you chose to stick around that is. Knowing you won't want to find him in your bed when you wake up, he slides his arm from your waist and quietly, so as not to wake you, he puts his clothes back on. Re-donning his armour he heads back upstairs to check on the ship.

Your body shivers inadvertently at the loss of heat and your eyes slowly open. The room’s still dark, but the Mandalorian had gone. He must have left sometime in the night presumably his way of telling you it was a one off. Knowing Din to be a man of few words you knew talking about what had just happened was fully off the table. You sit up and stretch out, allowing your elbows to pop and your shoulders to crack as you roll them out, feeling a way that you hadn't felt in months. Well rested. Making your way over to the fresher you allow the water to wash over you removing any remaining scent attributed to the Mandalorian. After dressing you head up to the cockpit, slightly bow legged from the night before. You’d had your fair share of lovers and for a human, he was very well endowed and very eager to please.

“How far” you ask brushing any thoughts about last night from your head as you shoo Anya off your seat.

“You’re up sooner than I thought.” He says looking at you. He’d noticed the slight stagger in your walk causing him to smirk under the helmet, but the smile fades when you don’t look down.

“How far are we?” you ask again, picking up Anya who’s refused to move of her own volition.

“Close. About last night” he starts, wanting to make sure everything was okay, and that you weren’t regretting what had happened.

“ Look, we don’t have to talk about it. I know it wasn’t a big deal.” You say.

“It may not be a big deal for you.” you don't know why, but you take that tone as being pointed, referring specifically to your time spent in the rings.

“Why? because I've slept with half the galaxy? Something I did in order to survive an environment let’s not forget you put me in?” you spit out

“ No, I-I didn’t mean,” he starts. It's the first time you've ever heard him stumble over his words.

“ You never do.” You say, shutting him up for the remainder of the trip.

“Dropping out now.’ He says, 5 days, that's how long it had taken to get to where you were going, whoever was on the planet was committed to not being found, or at least committed to having you as sleep deprived as possible.

You step out with the Mandalorian close behind you, the planet's surface reflecting the ship's underlights back into its metal exterior. The mirrored rock had sprouted out into various forms and sharp geometric shapes, resulting in a beautiful, but sinister skyline.

“You sure this is the place? Doesn't look like any living thing could survive here.”

“Yes, I can sense a disturbance. You stay here with Anya.” you say placing a hand on his chest plate.

“No way.” Din responds

“I have to do this alone. It's too dangerous for you.”

“For me?” he says in disbelief.

“Wait here if i'm not back within the hour, leave.” You state ignoring his last question.

“ I'll give you two for good measure” he offers, holding out a blaster for you to take.

“It won't help.” You say pushing it back towards him before pulling up your hood and setting off into the unknown. Once he's sure you're out of sight, he follows you.

You close your eyes, letting your senses lead you through the sharpened planet careful not to cut yourself on the dark obsidian refelcting blurred images of the stars. A rock snaps under your foot and your eyes open. A voice calls out to you, uttering your name.

“Who are you.” you ask aloud, turning to face the cloaked figure who stands before you.

“ That is not important” he answers, lips not moving. Telepathy. So that’s how he'd gotten into your head.

“You tried to kill me I think it's at least relevant.” You return in thought.

“You came alone.” he asks, yellow eyes darting from side to side, despite the power this figure held you send a nervousness harboured deep within him, perhaps you should have brought the Mandalorian along with you.

“ Yes” you lie, hoping your force was strong enough to shield the bounty hunter.

“Good.” he snarled.

“Why did you kill me.” you ask not wanting to beat around the bush

“To see if I could. I needed to see your abilities, you’re stronger than I thought if you brought yourself back to life. The empire is rebuilding”, he offers not clearing the situation up in the least

“The empire died with Palpatine, they’re nothing but warmongering desolates now” you say shaking your head, not believing you had flown halfway across the galaxy for this.

“That’s what they have told you. We have been growing an army, led by the spirit of the emperor. We are seeking those with your abilities to help us rebuild.”

“You’ve lost your mind. The Sith were defeated long ago, the Jedi with them.” You turn to leave, no longer fearing this man, he holds no power over you.

“No” he shrieks, the sound drawing your gaze back to him, the noise frightening you slightly “You cannot leave. You cannot go. You will join us and rebuild a stronger galaxy.”

“I have no interest in joing a cult of fear and genocide.” you state calmly.

“It is more than a cult I offer you, something much better, power.” he was getting desperate, a few more days without sleep and you may have fallen for it.

“Power to what? Give you all the blood in my body so you can commit futile experiments on innocent people. You cannot create force sensitivity nor can you push it on someone who it has not chosen. Join you? No, I'll have to pass. Death and destruction will not be my path.”

“Not yet, but it will be. I see it in you, the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, that will all disappear once you join us.”

“Over my dead body” You say drawing your sabre. A violent clash of red and purple ricochet off the mirrored rock, lighting up the shadowed planets.

“Your grandmother trained you well.” He exclaims.

“ If you knew her then you should know that i'd never turn” You continue the fight. Managing to back him into a rock wall. Holding saber at his throat the light purple hue gleaning in the yellow irises beneath his hood.

“I understand why you ambushed me, not much of a fighter are you.” you snarl, pushing the saber into the robe, the scent of burning fabric filling the air. Then you feel it, the pulse of the fibers interwoven throughout the galaxy, something’s amiss. Something else appears under the glow of you saber, yellowed teeth, smiling under the light. You release him pushing yourself back, he wants you to kill him.

“ Do not fear it, I have seen this moment. It is what begins your reign”

“No” you say aloud to yourself, “No” you repeat turning off the saber and turning to leave.

“If you let me live, I kill the man with you.”

The Mandalorian whose been watching from afar hasn’t heard a word spoken in a while, watching you move towards him he thinks it must be over, whoever this person was, Sith or not, you must have come to an agreement. He almost walks out from his hiding spot when you stop dead in your tracks. He sees you look up, your eyes meeting his but only for a moment, before you pivot back to face the man.

“There’s…” you start.

“Don’t play me for a fool child, I have been playing this game long before you were even a thought in your mothers pretty little head. I know he is here. I know what you feel for him. You kill me and in time you will betray him, but you’d rather that, than lose him altogether.”

There's no thought process, no decision to make. With a flick of your wrist you throw the saber. You watch as it slices through the Siths neck before returning to your hand. You close it as his head tumbles to the ground. If Ashoka's words were a warning this, this was an omen. You had made a choice and now a path of irredeemably evil was laid before you. A path you were not prepared to drag anyone else down.

“I know you're there” you say after composing yourself. “I told you not to follow me.” You say making your way to the Mandalorians hiding spot.

“Are you alright? What did he say to you?” he asks, reaching a hand out for your arm.

“Nothing.” You say dodging him. The less he knew the safer he'd be. You weighed your options in your head on the walk back, but you knew there was only one way to avoid harming anyone. You had to hide away, become anonymous. Fall back into legend, never to be seen again. It was the only way Grogu would be safe, it was the only way Cara would be safe, it was the only way Din would be safe. As the ship takes off you say three words that would change everything.

“Take me home.”

“We're on route to Hoth now,” he says reassuringly.

“No, take me to my home. Grogu is back and safe. Our deal is done. Our alliance is over” You say, eyes plastered to the windshield.

“What did he say to you?” Din stresses, but you don’t answer. Silence was the only way to stop him from convincing you to stay.

“Don’t shut me out” he says slamming his hand on the panel. You don’t flinch, you don’t even look up. “We can figure this out together.” He says softly, if you hadn’t known any better you would have thought he was pleading with you.

“You’ve done enough. Take me home. If you don’t the force will.” He resets the GPS coordinates before standing up and dropping downstairs. Anya muzzles into you as you let out a sigh blinking back the tears you felt forming.

[yannasunflower]

flux

on today’s episode of “yanna needs to stop writing new things and work on her wips”. i love this show and i wanted to write a lil something that’s been at the back of my mind for a while. always wanted to know what happened while Katara and Zuko waited to hear if they were able to win the war, or if their friends would survive or not. may keep this as a one-shot, may turn it into an actual fic with an Azula redemption arc and actual Zutara shenanigans and politics GALORE. who knows? enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~

Katara is sure he’s dead. She’s never been more sure of anything in her life, to be precise. Azula’s aim is impeccable, Zuko has always been at least a little suicidal, and Katara is a waterbender who is absolutely useless against lightning. Tears are streaming down her face and she’s trying to convince her sputtering heart to keep beating even as she runs toward his prone body, so lifeless, so helpless on the cold, stone ground.

It is no place for a son of Agni.

She falls to her knees and doesn’t stop to listen for a heartbeat, just puts her hands to his chest and prays. The wound is gaping and raw and scorching. She tries to keep her memory from racing to another night on Appa’s back when she held the world’s future in her hands for the first time. Katara hiccups, not sure if she has felt fear like this since Aang took the same lightning bolt in Ba Sing Se. Lightning that put him in a coma for weeks, a wound that didn’t let her sleep for days at a time. 

Aang had been necessary to world peace but right now, looking down at Zuko’s pale, fine face, Katara knows in her gut that Zuko is just as instrumental to the future Aang saw, was willing to die, that they were all willing to die for. The comet is still streaking a path of fire through the sky and behind her, Azula is screaming like a wounded animal. 

Katara flutters her fingers, inhales, holds her breath, squeezes her eyes shut and tries to imagine the heart in Zuko’s chest, one that is red and bleeds just like hers would be if Zuko hadn’t been so damn noble, so honorable. The thought makes her flinch even while her hands stay steady.

And then she feels more than hears the first tremblings of a heart that’s alive. The heart beneath her stirs, beats, skips, and beats again, stronger and steadier with every passing second. She’s sobbing and thanking every spirit out loud she can think of: Agni, La, Tui, Yue, Agni again for saving his son.

Zuko’s body twitches, his fingers curling inward. Katara could jump for joy when his eyes open, still gold and bright. His voice is quiet and low but strong. 

“Thank you, Katara,” he rasps. 

Katara can’t stop herself from throwing her arms around his shoulders, sobbing freely now, unable to imagine a future where his heart had remained still forever. Was it only weeks ago she had wanted to throw him from a cliff?

“I think I’m the one who should be thanking you,” she sniffles when she can finally let go of him, trying her best to give him a big, if somewhat watery, smile. Zuko smiles back, awkwardly like he does everything, and Katara resists the urge to hug him again. 

“Where’s - what happened to...Azula?” his words are halting. Katara helps him sit up, healer eyes careful to catch any wince. 

She jerks her head in Azula’s direction and watches as at first, understanding, then, an indescribable sadness passes over Zuko’s face. She helps him stand at his insistence and when he finally sees his little sister, chained and broken, tears streaming down her face even as she sends fire roaring into the red sky, Katara’s heart breaks. A single word is threaded in Azula’s cries, mama, and Katara’s breath hitches. She looks away, unable in that moment to see anything but a frightened girl she knows she cannot help. A war criminal, a killer, a teenager who was never meant to fight the way she did. 

Attendants are flooding the courtyard. Katara can see the understanding dawning on their faces, many of them scurrying in the direction of what she presumes are the Fire Sages who fled at the first sign of Zuko. She glances at him, sees the grim knowing in the set of his jaw.

“Find the Fire Sages. And someone sedate my sister.” Katara flinches. She does not envy the poor soul tasked with shutting a wild Azula up.

His voice rings through the courtyard, commanding, more powerful than he probably feels, sagging against Katara. She frowns up at him, guiding him to the stone steps and setting him down carefully, gently.

“I need to clean that wound and bandage it Zuko, now is not the time for state matters,” she admonishes, preparing herself to pull more water from the soaked ground. Zuko grits his teeth and she recognizes the way his eyes flash molten gold at her. Zuko is truly the most stubborn person she’s ever met, and she’s met Toph Bei Fong. 

“Scowl at me all you want, I’m cleaning that wound right this second, even if I have to tie you up to do it. Wouldn’t want your Fire Sages walking in on that I bet,” she growls. He shuts his mouth with a click and she gets to work, trying to be gentle, clenching her jaw at every hiss of pained breath Zuko lets out. With Zuko out of immediate danger, her mind wanders to Aang and Sokka and Toph and Suki. Spirits, her father and her tribe’s men. She wonders if Iroh and the White Lotus have recaptured Ba Sing Se, if they ever even had a chance in hell of it. 

Mostly, she tries not to imagine her father’s face if Sokka never comes back. 

“Do...do you think Aang is out there, fighting my father?”

The question is quiet, almost a whisper. Katara pauses to consider it. She manages to flash a smile she doesn’t fully feel at him. 

“Aang always comes through,” she answers. It is as honest one she can give. It seems to satisfy Zuko, who leans back on his palms as Katara rips the hem of her tunic and wraps it around his torso. 

“If,” Katara can’t finish the question. She looks away, at the damaged rooftops still burning, gnawing on her lip. Azula is still shooting blue fire and sobbing and really she knows there’s a comet but how much fire does Azula have? Zuko waits. “If Aang doesn’t defeat Ozai...what will happen to us?”

There is silence for a moment. Katara is afraid to look him in the eye, to even look at his face, so she keeps her gaze focused on wounding the bandage around his chest, tightly but not too much. She ties it off much more carefully than usual, trying to avoid the moment when she will have to look up.

“He’ll try to kill me,” Zuko finally says after a long pause. He can’t run from his homeland again. Her horrified eyes dart to his, mouth open with shock at the mere idea of a father murdering his son. A grin almost curls at the corner of his mouth. Zuko knows that Katara, for all her strengths and intelligence, for all the awful, inhuman things she had seen during the war, he knows that perhaps the one thing she and her brother cannot imagine is that. He realizes, a little abruptly, he has never told any of them how he got his scar.

It’s a story for another day, one bathed in sunlight, where his father’s shadow cannot reach him. He likes to think that day will come, that it exists in his murky future.

The Fire Sages arrive, immediately falling to their knees and pressing their foreheads to the ground, still wet from Katara’s water. She glares at them balefully, disgusted by their spineless cowering and simpering. 

“Prince Zuko,” one whimpers, voice somewhat muffled by the floor. “The Fire Sages welcome your return as the rightful heir to the throne.”

Zuko says nothing. She can’t read his eyes or his face, smooth and imperturbable. With a pang, Katara sees the Fire Lord he could become. She is sorely tempted to tell the cowards to scramble in language she has picked up from travelling some of the coarser parts of the world. But this is not her nation, not her palace, and it is not her crown at risk.

“Sit up,” Zuko orders. He speaks with a new authority, one he never uses when talking to her. She blinks a little. It is hard to keep up with Zuko’s faces and sides at times. “Preparations for my coronation will begin immediately. You will declare me Fire Lord in the next hour. We can have a more formal ceremony at a later date.”

Whatever objections the Sage had been about to sputter died on his lips with one hiss from Katara and a little help from the water rapidly freezing around his wrists. Swallowing, hard, he rises to his feet, as well as his companion, who pulls a familiar object from his robes. 

“An honor, my lord,” this one rumbles and he meets Zuko’s eyes with a little more defiance than the first. Zuko holds his gaze. The air warms by at least a few degrees. While not versed in Fire Nation politics, Katara is somewhat sure the proper address should have been your highness. By the narrow slit of Zuko’s molten eyes, the slight had not passed unnoticed. She shivers. Katara resists the urge to throw the Sage into the ocean, to make him and his hard, dark eyes disappear. He is a viper in a snake’s nest, at home in a court that Zuko has not truly belonged to for years. The hairs at the back of her neck prickle. 

The ceremony is brief and to the point. Katara is beginning to scan the sky for a messenger hawk or some other sign that her brother and their friends are alive. The comet is fading away into the darkening sky. Every moment that passes is painful, agony really. Zuko stands up, shoulders squared and straight, crown gleaming in his black hair. Katara forces a smile, swallowing bile, taking his arm and walking with him to a chamber just a little ways down the hall. When the door closes after a bowing servant, she presses a careful finger to the wound, relieved to find it still closed and not-bleeding. 

Her body sags without permission. She is tired, deep in her bones and blood, with a world to rebuild in front of her. Zuko doesn’t look any better off, the dark circles under his eyes difficult to miss. He plucks the crown from his hair, letting it fall loose around his face once more. Katara brushes an errant strand from his cheek, gently, and she marvels at how Zuko no longer flinches from her touch. When had he begun to look at her with trust in those eyes? When did he stop wincing at every movement she made?

He leans into her touch, just a little, and she allows her fingertips to graze his cheek, enjoying the way his eyes fall shut seemingly without permission. There was a time when Zuko had found it difficult to sleep around her, and there was a time when Katara had stood guard outside his door, stiffening at every noise while he slept. Now, his eyes remain shut and it doesn’t take Toph’s hearing to know his breathing has slowed. 

They don’t move for what feels like days. When he stirs, Katara startles just a little, averting her gaze quickly, praying Zuko hadn’t caught her tracing the thick black (how unfair) eyelashes that fluttered against his cheekbones (too fine, too angled, the bastard even had good bone structure) with her eyes. She stands, wringing her hands, feeling the last of the water in her skin swirling restlessly. 

Katara orders tea and watches with no small amount of amazement as Zuko pours it gracefully. She had nearly forgotten his time working a menial tea shop job in Ba Sing Se. Somehow, the sight of an injured Fire Lord Zuko skillfully pouring her steaming tea is both humorous and disconcerting. 

“We should have heard by now,” she frets as the sky still darkens and time still passes with no word from any of their allies. Outside, she knows the palace is in disarray and the nobles are probably wondering if it is safe to come out yet, but Zuko is in no condition to appear before them as their new Fire Lord, he looks exhausted, La she wishes she could let him sleep. But the world is on fire and Katara is drinking tea mostly to preserve her sanity at this point, so damn the nobles and damn the politics. 

The waiting is almost worse than the fighting. After a few comfortable minutes spent in silence, Katara’s worrying breaks it again.

Zuko flashes her a familiar, exasperated scowl. 

“Stop fidgeting, for Agni’s sake,” he sighs. His tired, overly-patient tone is familiar. Afternoons watching him and Aang work through firebending forms flood her mind. She grins sheepishly. “If Ozai had defeated Aang, we would know by now. That’s not something he would keep to himself for longer than necessary.”

The words soothe her, but only slightly. Because by defeated he meant killed and the thought of Aang’s small, broken body is too much for her to bear. 

“Katara.” Zuko hesitates, and she waits, because they always know when more is coming, they always know when to wait for the other. 

“Thank you, for healing me,” he says and she can’t help but laugh at the genuine, earnest way he looks at her from under those unfair lashes. It’s a boyish expression in a face that long ago lost its roundness.  

“You already said that,” she dismisses him. “And I told you, I’m the one who should thank you. I would be dead if it wasn’t for you. You almost threatened the future of the world to save me.”

Zuko looks slightly confused. 

“You are the future,” he says and damn him he’s done it again. Her heart is sputtering, blood rushing to her cheeks and she briefly considers trying to bloodbend the blush away. Because Zuko’s face, no longer boy-round, permanently scarred by the cruelty of his father, is so damned honest and grateful and la, she is trying hard not to wonder what would happen if she leans forward, just a little.

Zuko’s eyes are more than gold, she finds, especially in firelight, and is this what Agni’s eyes would look like she tries not to wonder, tries not to see that she has leaned closer, unwittingly, or maybe not, her thoughts a jumbled tangle of heat and fear and spirits there’s still a war going on. But she can’t help but notice that Zuko isn’t moving away, is just watching her face in a way that sets her bones on fire and spirits, she wants to touch his cheek again - 

A rapid, soft knock on the door makes her gasp. She throws her body away from him in a ridiculously dramatic motion. It’s only a servant, asking if her new Fire Lord would like food, bowing all the while. Katara takes that moment to straighten herself, gulping in steadying breaths and pushing the stolen moment far, far from the front of her mind.

“Have any messages come for me?” Zuko asks and the servant girl shakes her head. Katara’s heart sinks and from Zuko’s thin mouth, fear is beginning to settle into his bones, too. 

It only takes a few moments of awkward silence after the servant leaves for Katara to start fidgeting again. She has just about made up her mind to take Appa to where the Fire Nation’s fleet had planned to raze the Earth Kingdom to the ground when a servant enters, bowing low at the waist, a sealed message in her hand. 

“Pardon me, Your Majesty, but a messenger hawk has just arrived from Ba Sing Se.”

Zuko grabs the message hungrily, breaking it open and scanning the words before the girl has straightened from her bow. He sighs, deeply, and Katara reads it over his shoulder, nearly bursting into tears again with relief. 

“They recaptured Ba Sing Se,” she whispers. Her hand grasps Zuko’s shoulder and he reaches a hand up to clasp it silently. For a moment, the world straightens. 

“Please bring any other messages directly to me,” Zuko says. The girl can’t quite stop herself from blinking rapidly before bowing low again and retreating, red definitely crawling up her neck. Zuko looks confused and Katara nearly laughs. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him that she doesn’t think Fire Lords often say please when addressing servants. 

A distant scream sends Katara scrambling for her waterskin and Zuko trying to jump to his feet, failing miserably and crying out as he slumps back. 

“Stay put,” Katara orders him, forgetting for a moment the crown on Zuko’s head. She runs out before she can think too hard about it, her legs taking her to the courtyard, water already rising from the stones, fire burning in her veins because Zuko bled for this palace, these people, before a familiar wolf tail registers in her heart. 

“Sokka!” She definitely screams it a little, nearly falls at least twice as she rushes forward and throws herself into his arms, his healthy, alive arms. He’s on crutches and his leg is bent strangely but she doesn’t care because he’s alive and holding her tight and trembling against her. Suki grunts a little, bearing the brunt of his weight, but makes no complaints, smiling too broadly to feign irritation. 

Aang is standing next to him when she finally pulls back, a tired smile on his young face. 

“Hey Katara,” he says and he sounds his age for once but she doesn’t care because La, he’s alive and so is Toph and Suki and she’s going to cry again. She’s not sure who is hugging who but it doesn’t matter because all of her friends are breathing and here. 

“Where’s Sparky?” Toph asks when they all manage to disentangle themselves. Katara’s eyes widen and she gasps. 

She turns on her heel to find a very injured Zuko hobbling down the steps. 

She runs to him, throwing his arm over her shoulder and shooting him an apologetic grin. 

“Agni, did you think you could face Ozai alone?” he wheezes and she laughs because he is alive, too, and he took lightning for her, and everyone she loves may have just made it out of this war. 

The group rushes forward, murmuring sympathies, arms reaching out to embrace Zuko, and they fall into another tangled hug, tears streaming down faces, Sokka complaining about his leg, Toph grumbling about sappiness even as she slings to Katara like she’ll never let go. Katara looks at Aang and his grey eyes are still alight with something that is all him, all Aang the airbender, and he smiles at her the way a child who has not been ravaged by war would. 

Questions and answers will come later, as will healing and scars and hard work and negotiations. In the light of the lanterns and the moon and the small spots of fire the servants have not yet put out though, Katara clings to her family and begins to realize that the war that killed her mother is over. The war that took her father, took Aang’s people and Zuko’s innocence, took Azula’s soul. It is over. 

She is alive, they all are, and they are breathing in a new life, a future. Together.

[stusbunker]

What Lingers Within: Three

A Supernatural Fan-fiction Mini Series

Featuring: Past Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Written for: @thisismysecrethappyplace​

Word Count: 2316

Amazing Beta’ing by: @itmighthavebeenintentional​

Aesthetic and preread by @thoughtslikeaminefield​

Summary: Sam and Dean leave the reader in capable hands, but she doesn’t stay put.

Series Masterlist

^*^*^

               Dean was waiting for Sam to tell him to leave. They sat in the living room nursing beers and zoning out to a college football game. Her cousin, Michelle, remembered him, barely, but it helped establish a nearly tenable foothold into her life. Their hostess left them to check on her before calling it a night.

        They were completely out of their element now. Dean felt Sam’s discomfort like he felt the pull to her side, each their own piece of himself: empathy and reflex. But Sam held his tongue and for that Dean was grateful.

        Unceremoniously, they crashed on the coaches, backs protesting all the while. Soon Sam’s snores muted the peaceful country noises. Dean couldn’t sleep even if he wanted to. She was so close he could almost smell her and yet he felt farther from her than he had since the day he had set her free.

        He just needed to make sure she was settled, able to ward off your run-of-the-mill monsters and then they’d be off.  Never to darken her doorstep again. At least, that was what he kept telling himself.

*^*^*^*^

        Her little second floor walk up was shabby enough to be affordable and out of the way enough to be secure. The peeling white paint seemed to collect with each trip up the back steps. Dean brushed the remnants off the landing with the side of his boot as he knocked. He gave her a minute before bending down and snagging the spare key beneath the cracked planter, the dahlias had started to wilt with the autumn nights, but he knew she wasn’t going to scrap them yet. The old lock protested the force he used but gave in soon enough.

        He called out, finding her bag by the door, but little else to indicate she was home. That old familiar panic started to creep in as he came upon the abandoned living/dining room.

        “Honey? You home?” he sing-songed. “It’s me. I left Sammy at Bobby’s, hoping you’d--,” he broke off as he saw her bedroom door open a crack. “Have some time off.”

         He tapped the door wider, peaking around the frame. That’s when he spotted her, feet hanging off the end of the bed, shoes still on. She was drooling face down, pillow held tight in her arms with one of his old flannels spread out over the pillowcase, cradling her cheek.

         His breath caught in his chest, it felt like he was seeing something that wasn’t yet meant for him. A gift he had to wait to unwrap, but how he itched to. The way her lashes landed on her rounded cheeks; her lips open with the peaceful rhythm of her breath. Steady and serene. How’d he get so lucky?

         With practiced care, Dean slipped her shoes off her feet, setting them down so as not to wake her. Then he shrugged out of his jacket, since she was pinning all her blankets beneath her, and draped the heavy canvas over her torso. As quietly as he found her, he let her be, busying himself in the kitchen while she rested.

        She rushed out of the bedroom with his jacket an hour later, voice cracking in excitement. Dean thought his heart couldn’t stand much more aching fullness. She threw herself against his chest, smashing his ass against the edge of the counter as she scaled him like a tree. He’d craved how she used her whole body to love him, never dainty or timid. Before he could mention dinner, she was stripping him right there against the laminate.

        That was the day she gave him his own key.

^*^*^

               You woke up to an actual rooster crow, which was deceptively before sunrise. The wooden floorboards, worn and frigid beneath your feet. After creeping down the stairs to the bathroom you decided to poke around for some coffee. Overly aware that Dean and Sam were only a breakfast table away from your early morning sneaking about; you tried to be as quiet as possible. It didn’t work.

               “Hey---what are you trying to do?” Dean stage whispered over the edge of the couch. His hair fluffed at an angle and his face scrunched against the brightening day. You hated how cute he looked in that moment and replied justly.

               “Making coffee, butt out.”

               He licked his lips and cocked his head. “It’s in the pantry. Michelle gave me the heads up, figured I’d be up first.”

               Right, of course she did. You didn’t reply but stormed over to the sliding door off the kitchen and whipped it open, hundred-year-old tracks be damned. You woke Sam and didn’t bother feeling bad about it. He was involved with this fuckery too. Now that everyone in the direct vicinity was up and glaring at each other; the coffee took no time to brew. You let them serve themselves as you sat on the far end of the table, staring into the hazy morning across the hills to the east. You had a speech rehearsed, though now were too annoyed with their stupid faces to converse with them civilly. Instead, you stewed.

               Naturally, Dean sat down next to you, shoulders hunched over his coffee, toeing the line of being in your bubble. He still smelled like the leather of the car, maybe it was just his scent. You tried not to think about how soothing it was and took a long pull from your mug to stop yourself from letting go of your anger.

               “I almost forgot you’re less of a morning person than me,” Dean said as if to himself, the smirk evident in his words.

               “Yeah, well, it must be nice to know so much about me. Some of us don’t have the luxury,” you snipped, pulling your knees to your chest as you balanced against the back of the old chair.

               Dean sat back, turning his entire body to yours. “Fair enough. What else do you want me to say? I’ve apologized.”

               Your head snapped up, eyes boring into his earnest gaze. “I want you to fix me. My memories. I want it all back, Dean.”

               Sam cleared his throat. “I’m not sure that’s possible. Cas, the angels, none of them are like they used to be.”

               “He should at least try and call him,” you said to Sam pointedly about Dean.

               “Oh? He should, should he?!” Dean bit back. You hugged your knees tighter and glared at him, but something slowly unraveled within, as if he was a forgotten language you were deciphering. He was willing you to understand. You felt his frustration and his annoyance with you and himself, it came off him in waves. It felt so close to how you felt that you didn’t know whether to laugh or yell at him. God it was like he was inside your head, feelings that in tune came from somewhere, somewhere bone deep.

               “You need to stop looking at me like that,” you whispered, collecting the hair on top of your head into a rushed ponytail. “It’s too familiar.”

               “Like what?” Dean tried to brush it off.

               “Like that,” Sam agreed. Dean pursed his lips and gave Sam the stink eye. “Look, I’ll call Cas. But we are going to head out, let you get back to your life. Michelle said you’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

               “Right.” Dean stood, pushing in his chair. He dug in his inside pocket for a card. “Look, if anything comes up or Cas doesn’t show in the next few days--- call me. I put Sam’s number on there too, just in case. In the meantime--- keep salt with you and uh, maybe brush up on your exorcisms.”

               You laughed mirthlessly until you realized he was serious. You swallowed, feeling his fingers brush against yours as you plucked the tiny card from his outstretched hand.

               “Tell me you’re going to be alright,” Dean whispered, looking at you through the lush foliage of his lashes.

               “Only if you can say the same,” you challenged, climbing to your feet. Dean shook his head and rubbed his lips. “Don’t think about disappearing for good. We’ve got beef now, buddy.” You pointed at his chest vehemently with his card.

               “Is that what it is? Awesome, really needed another nemesis, didn't we, Sammy?” Dean looked over his shoulder to realize that his brother had left you two alone, again. The infectious grin softened as he caught up to what lay under all your bravado.

               “Go on, I’ll be fine.” You rubbed your upper arms against the drafty kitchen. Dean didn’t say anything, he simply leaned down, lips barely a breath against your temple. Just when you didn’t think you could keep from touching him, he was gone, turning out of the kitchen and through the mudroom. Minutes later the rumble of the Impala disappeared over the hills. He hadn’t looked back.

^*^*^

               Three days at your cousin Michelle’s, and you were already itching for the city. No word from the angel meant you were slowly going out of your mind with boredom. Eventually, you came to the decision to clean out your cubicle. You wouldn’t face the constant scrutiny from your coworkers after everything that had happened from Chase’s death to Katelyn’s arrest at your apartment. One last rodeo and you’d be able to move on. Again. Always moving passed one hurtle or another, never stable, constantly in flux.

               Nervously, you climbed into the passenger seat of the old pick up. It had been years since you’d been to the farmhouse, since before your aunt and uncle had become snowbirds, leaving it to Michelle. But you knew every dip in the road out of the valley, the grooves in the earth held more pieces of your past than your mind seemed to anymore.

               “You gonna call him?” Michelle asked, overly casually.

               “I’m gonna give his buddy another day or so and then--- maybe?” You landed heavy on your own doubt.

               “He seemed like he misses you,” she added gently, not taking her eyes off the road.

               “Yeah, well, that sounds like it was his choice,” you tried to be flippant. Neither of you bought it.

               “Still, couldn’t hurt, especially after the last one,” Michelle kept digging.

               “I’m positive it still would hurt, Chelle,” you shifted, throwing your feet on the dashboard and leaning against the quilt covered bench seat.

               “His brother single?” Michelle tried to mask the tease in her tone.

               You couldn’t hold back the chuckle at her change of topic. “Do you want me to call him for you?”

               “He like older women? I’ve gotta have ten years on that one,” she shrugged, half considering it.

               “Couldn’t hurt,” you threw back, the mood salvaged as the truck crawled into the thick lines of traffic.

               It was just before quitting time when you arrived at work, stopping first by the copy room for a spare box to clear off your desk. You stacked the remaining reams of paper onto another box when you heard a dramatic gasp.

               “Y/N?! What are you doing here? Oh my god, how are you doing? We heard what happened, or some of it. Can you believe they let her out on bail? Not even twelve hours and she was free as a bird,” Gracie had yet to pause for air.

               “I’m sorry, what?” You interrupted.

               “Yeah, Katelyn’s out. Something about evidence tampering or false statements from someone they couldn’t locate after the fact?” She looked apologetic; it wasn’t enough. Everything in your stomach seemed to plummet to the floor.

               “Have you seen her? Has she been back?” You tried to remain calm, it didn’t work.

               “What? No! God, that’d be rich if she showed up here. I think the upper ups were notified and then it kind of spread like wildfire. Roy is filling in this week until they bring somebody in from another branch.”

               “Roy? The DM?” You felt ill.

               “Yeah? Who else, I mean, no one else has access to everything Katelyn did,” Gracie said it like you were an idiot. There was only one person Katelyn would have done what she did for, and he was sitting in the office on the other side of the wall. You had to get out of there before he saw you.

               “Look, do me a favor? Don’t mention I was here? It was just too soon, ya know?” You tossed the empty box back onto the stack. You eyed the doorway and tried to make a quick exit strategy.

               “You’re kidding? You just got here. Everyone wants to see you!” Gracie insisted.

               “Yeah, about that--- don’t really want to be the center of attention. Or cause for alarm. Just, give me like ten minutes and you can tell anyone anything. Deal?” Your eyes kept darting about the space, hoping to make it clear of the large open plan office before anyone else saw you.

               “I guess--- Wait! You’re scared, aren’t you? What’s the matter?” Gracie stepped closer and did a terrible job whispering. “Is it Roy?”

               “Gracie, listen. I’ve had a terrible week. I can’t right now,” you gave up and just walked away, head down, slinking around the bend for the exit. The same door you stepped out of to find Chase’s bloody body a week before. The yellow tape was still fluttering in place as you booked it down the alleyway, away from your office. Just before you made it back to the street, your phone buzzed.

              >Everything alright? It was Michelle. 

You exhaled in relief and rounded the mouth of the alley to meet her out front. Before you made it to the corner, a grating voice called your name. Katelyn. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end, but as you contemplated ignoring her, a shadow stepped into your path. A heavy hand fell over your mouth before you could scream.

^*^*^

General Tags: @flamencodiva​ @dolphincliffs​ @dontshootmespence​ @thoughtslikeaminefield​  @fangirlxwritesx67 @dawnie1988​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @foxyjwls007​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @defenderrosetyler​ @ericaprice2008​ @princessofthefandomrealm​                              @wingedcatninja​​

Series Tags: @tiggytaylor​​  @vicmc624​

^*^*^

Read On: Chapter Four

[loganscalesaurawrites]

9/1 Prompt for @tsshipmonth2020 ‘s Soulmate September stuff. I haven’t written a lot of Sanders Sides though [... Or fanfics in general that were more than oneshots/fallen projects. so expect roughness.

[I’ll be doing a mix of platonic soulmates and romantic soulmates as this goes on [If I write more], because I’m a big fan of the sides as a big poly web with Roman and Remus being the only two not actively dating because remro/m = no.]

This one’s the full web with remus and roman as platonic soulmates! Because start with your favorite thing.

[Remus is also probably a bit ooc, but I like the headcanon that he plays up his “Depravity” as a side, and in human!Au he’s just someone with a morbid fascination with death or biology that leaves most people unnerved/is prone to blurting out what he’s thinking without really caring about other people’s comfort until he’s told off.

Soulmate Marks had been appearing for centuries at this point with very limited knowledge on how or why exactly they did, a short list of names appearing in either a dark crimson for your lovers, or a glittering emerald for those who you bond with as friends or even a found family in most cases- both darkening with an outline the moment you came in contact with your soulmates. These started forming generally early on in life as your soulmates were born and names chosen, or you were born  with them if you were the youngest of your soulmates.- Though rarely were they ever more than a year or two apart, and with astonishing frequently, you started meeting your romantic soulmates a few days after your eighteenth birthday.

It was a rarity for someone to have more than one [maybe two] of both, but when they were born, the Alvarez twins had a stretch of four crimson names, and the moment their names were chosen emerald swirled on each other’s wrists.

But that was almost two decades ago, now it was eighteen years later, nearing the end of the school year a few days after the twins’ birthday and Roman, once again, was trying to figure out his soulmates.

Patton Kravitz: His last name had changed quite a lot early on, which his parents said probably meant he was bouncing around in adoption centers until he settled in a few years prior. The original name was long forgotten in his memory, but he was sure it was’t a masculine name to start- but that was fine with them both, whatever pronouns- [Roman had a hard time switching to they in his head, but was working on it![- their soulmate had they knew to respect.

Logan Sanders: A simple, regular name. [Remus even jolted up about three times in the past week hearing either of the two seperate, but had to be reminded their birthday hadn’t come up yet, it was unlikely.], unlike the 

Virgil:  No last name, at least not one in english, Roman no matter how hard he tried to learn japanese for the sake of this soulmate was just unable to figure out how to read the kanji [Though Remus could, and it infuriated him to no end when he never said how to read it].

Janus : No last name again, though he had disappeared for a week, before coming back in the same exact place [Remus was the most panicked about this, his more... grim worries flashing through his head before Roman calmed him down, talking about how Patton’s name flickered a few times while his name was in flux, so maybe Janus was similar to patton, just took longer.

  Roman quietly stared at the names on his wrist, again pencil tapping rapidly on his desk, a few rapid bounces of his leg came before the teacher called on him, jolting him out of his reviere and rushing to catch back up on which question they were on.

His brother behind him softly snorted, tapping a rapid series of things and Roman quickly flicked forward and read the line out with a narrowed from his teacher, but the bell rung right after and he quickly rushed to get his things and dart before he could get told off for daydreaming again.

Right behind him Remus playfully chided his brother with a low tsk. “C’mon, Ro, I thought we said you only get one longing lovestruck look at your names a day, that’s the third time I caught you thinking about them and how much you-”

Roman gently elbowed the other as he snickered, “Oh please, you’re the one who daydreams about the bedroom, I’m pure and chaste and romantic.”

“Say that to your picture of Aladdin-”

“He is a god among mortals and you will shut your face before I do-”

Remus’s cackle was heard through the hallway, the two seniors bickering on their way to the car as Roman slid into the passenger’s side, flapping his hands about in excitement as Remus let him jabber on, driving their way to a nearby coffee shop during their lunchbreak. He quickly passed by their usual one, Remus deciding to try different places nearby to hopefully get his brother to shut up about them for one second.

“What absurd thing’re you going to ask them to put on your cup this time?” Roman slid out staring Remus down, ticking his latest creations. “Last name sucker, first name Dick? Boo T Chaser?”

Remus shrugged, grinning wider than Roman had seen, “Just Remus!”

There was a second, Roman waiting for the beat to drop before he blinked, frowning. “... Remus?”

“Yeah, I mean you’re obsessed with our soulmates, might as well make it easier, besides seeing the two of us together and our last names on the cups should abso fucking lutely make these people notice. You think one of our soulmates’d be willing to bang me right after we meet or should I buy them dinner fi-”

Roman threw his hands up in the air, slamming them down to his sides with a snort that betrayed his annoyance. “Your pansexual ass needs to chill.”

“And your Ace ass is the only person I can talk to about this who won’t squirm in discomfort and would dropkick me. Thank god you’re not repulsed otherwise I have no idea how we’re soulmates if you can’t reign me in, princey.” Remus stuck his tongue out, ducking a grabbing hand at the childish nickname before walking in.

The shop itself wasn’t all too unique, a simple cafe with a chalkboard menu above the counter, currently being updated by a guy in a patchwork purple hoodie doodling all sorts of plants along the frame of the board. One of the baristas- dressed complete in suspenders and the hipster aesthetic from the looks of it [who else’d wear a necktie to a casual cafe]- pratling to a customer with a cardigan around his shoulders. Remus met the light chill of the AC with a happy sigh, quickly rushing to stand behind a guy with multicolored skin [Vitiligo- Roman remembered reading about it once] and he jolted when Remus had already moved to the register.

shit.

“Hi I want your darkest roast you’ve got, black, and sunshine here’s gonna need more cream and sugar than coffee. If it’s not whiter than a sheet of paper he won’t drink it.”

“Asshole.” Roman elbowed Remus, turning to the barista. “I’d like just a latte, if you don’t mind. And I’ll pay extra for it too, but if anyone working can do that fancy latte art stuff I’d appreciate it?”

“Very well.” The barista’s tone was an odd mix of clipped formality, and warm gentleness that immediately made Roman melt, and the Barista pulled out two cups real quick, grabbing papers. “Names? And please-” he glared at Remus. “This time, do not make me call out “Luke Kinfor Cawk”

Roman ignored the soft snort from the arist above them, hearing him grumble “Is that any way to treat a customer?”

He glanced up, glaring at the smirking artist- Remus gawking at his light makeup for a second and mumbling something about needing tips from the stylish asian indivudal- “I’ve been working here for a week, I’ll do better about it.”

“God I’m joking Lo, take a hint. Though you’re leagues above where you were when we met. Sorry about that.” The hoodie wearer hopped down, dusting his shirt and picking up a pen himself. “Welcome to the Roast, since he forgot to welcome you. I can do latte art, so any requests?”

“Yeah, can I kiss you-” Roman’s hand slapped over Remus’s mouth- surprised at the safe for work flirt and he stumbled out.

“My apologies, my brother here’s... Eccentric, I apologize if he’s ever gone too far.”

The barista shrugged- and Roman noticed neither of the employees had a nametag on. Odd. “The first time yes, but I just hold it against him since we’ve had a pretty decent rapport.”

“How you can stomach all that biology I don’t know. You two start prattling off those facts in the corner like it’s a science course.” The other two customers nearby snorted, trying to hide their eavesdropping as they themselves chatted, and the artist quickly pulled the labels off. “Names?”

“Roman and Remus Alvarez-”

All at once, four different things fell over. The pencil in the artist’s hand, the mug the barista was cleaning, the coffee that the cardigan clad guy was sipping from... and the 4th individual in his entirety, who somehow litterally fell over at the name spontaneously as though it shocked him.

The twins stared at one another for about half a second, seeing things processing on the other four, before Roman grinned, hands moving up and showing the lines of red names on his wrist.

“Virgil, Logan, Patton and Janus I presume?” Artist, Barista, Cardigan, and the one currently still on the floor in shock nodded in that order, and Remus cackled like mad.

“Ok now that it’s a LOT more kosher, Specs or Chalkboy, can I kiss you now” Remus helped Janus up from the floor, dusting his shirt off while pouting at the workers and Patton giggled.

“I get the feeling we’re gonna be skipping the rest of school today, Remus.” [Don’t do that kiddo!][Please do] “There’s a lot of stuff to talk about.”

[origami10]

I’ve been thinking more about my adogan story again recently... I just regained access to files that were on my old computer, and apart from absolutely REEKING of the year 2008, I still think this story is pretty good! I think some of the names are in flux, and this would definitely get edited if I ever incorporated it into a larger story, but this is still a pretty good introduction to one of the characters, Flem. 

More under the cut!

All around me I see nothing but walls. Barely anything I do is because of my own choice. Closing in around me, these walls show no hope of escape. Deep down in my heart, though, I know that someday I will find my own path.

“What’s the news for today?”  I hear my mother say as I walk in the door. A bit weary from another long day at school, I call to her from the entry hall. “Well, I got an A on my astronomy test, and I did my classical literature presentation today, so I should have a grade on that by the end of the week.  And I have Ultimate practice tonight for our competition this weekend.  Oh, and there’s a geography bee at school next week that I’m going to participate in.”  As I walk into the dining room, I see my mother rolling out pastry dough on the side table.  She likes to work there because of the big window on the far side of the room.   “Good work!” she says approvingly.  “Keep up those good grades.  You know your father and I expect you to attend the university in Ellayne once you’re done with school.” I begin to escape towards my room when she says, “Flem, dear, I need you to clean up your room right away, at least enough that I can close the door.  The Prizerns are coming over for dinner in an hour.  I want to show them around the house, so I need the upstairs to look nice for them!” I grumble inwardly.  Couldn’t she just leave my room alone?  I know it’s messy, but it’s the only thing left that I feel like I have control over. So my room is a mess, what’s new.  My walls, too – what color are they, exactly?  Plaid?  It’s hard to tell under all the stuff I’ve stuck to them.  And the doors, too, are covered with stuff.  It’s hard to tell exactly where, or even if, there are doors to this room, once I move the stuff out of the way so I can close them.  Hey! - It’s just like a loony bin.  Wonderful.   I should probably take some of that stuff down.  It’s not that I like to save things, really, I’m just too lazy to sort through all the stuff covering the walls.  How many years now has it been up?  Especially that magazine article about frogs.  That’s from research I did for my diorama, what, ten years ago now!  Wow, ten years ago… maybe I should clean my room. Hmm.  At least you can still see the windows.  Why aren’t they covered like the rest of my room?  Oh right, because I’m a vampire and I jump out the window every night to search for my PREY!  … Just kidding!  Though, hmm… that gives me an idea. Is there rope in my room?  But how would I… Ah! That’s it! Now, is this bookshelf heavy enough?

A few hours after the Prizrens have gone, my doorway clean and my mother having shown off her only son of whom she is so proud, my plan is about to be put into action.  I sit on my bed waiting quietly, but not patiently.  How long can it take one person to finish in the bathroom before bed?  I continue to sit, agitated.  Finally I hear the latch on the bathroom door open, and the sound of my mother’s footsteps crossing the floor and descending the stairs.  Now I have about fifteen minutes to make sure they’re asleep.  I want to make sure they’re not paying attention to this side of the house.   Finally, after fourteen long minutes, I peer out my window (the one that faces the back of the house) and see no sign of attentive life. Good! Now for my escape plan: I have already tied all my spare sheets together and tied one end around my bookshelf, so now I throw the other end out the window (okay, so it’s a cliché).  I only have four extra sheets, so it’s a good thing my house is only two stories tall.  I manage to lower myself out the window without event, though – oww – my arms will be sore in the morning.  I leave the sheets hanging, and they ripple in the nighttime breeze.  The white sheet on the end shows up a lot compared to the other dark blue ones, but I have to leave them, since I’m going to need them to get back in.  Feeling proud of myself for getting this far but knowing I should still be wary, I sneak quietly into the thick bushes running along the inside perimeter of the garden fence.  Then I crawl awkwardly through the conspicuously creaky loose board in the garden fence.  I continue to tiptoe along the outside of the garden fence, just in case one of my parents should happen to be watching my every move… nah, I’m just being paranoid. But still… I take the last few cautious steps into the woods behind my house, then break into a run.   “I’m free!” I say to myself.  In my head, of course.  No sense in waking my parents now. I begin to lope through the forest vegetation with an easy grace.  Nothing can catch me now!  Any potential pursuers would surely be caught up by the thick underbrush, but never would I, Lord of the Woods, King of the Forest, be tripped up by– whoa!! Thud. Uhhhh, my head….

In the blackness I come to consciousness without opening my eyes.  Wait.  Where am I?  This doesn’t feel like my bed!  I start to push myself up to get a better look at my surroundings when I feel a strong hand pushing me down.  Oh no!  With sleep-fuzzed eyes I can’t make out who it is.  What if it’s one of those nomadic creeps who lurk in dark forests, waiting for innocent travelers??  What was I thinking?!   “Lemme up! Lemme up!”  I wail. “Okay, but you’re going to regret it.” I hear muttered. The hand goes away, and I sit up quickly.  Too quickly. “Urghh…” My head feels like it’s being crushed inside a pipe wrench, and I close my eyes again.  Now I remember why I’m lying down in the first place. “Be careful!  Your life is in danger!”  The same voice says. I was right!  This was one of those forest creeps!  Oh no, oh no!  But the voice sounds oddly like a girl.  “What are you going to do to me?” I say, my anxiety obvious in my squeaky voice. “Nothing! I’m not going to do anything!  What are you, crazy?” (Definitely a girl talking).  “Though your life is in danger, sort of.  Aside from your life-jeopardizing stupidity (running through the woods in the middle of the night, what if one of those hermit creeps caught you?), you seem to have a bit of a concussion.”  She lays a cool wet cloth on my forehead.  Water drips down my temples, feeling especially pleasant on this muggy night.  “Just close your eyes and keep them closed.  Don’t move your head, but don’t go to sleep, either.  I have to keep an eye on you for a couple hours and make sure there’s no brain damage.  How ‘bout you tell me where you were going while we wait?” I’m not sure what to make of the prospect of staying here for a while, but my head does hurt tremendously, and it seems safe enough.  She said she isn’t going to do anything to me, so I might as well answer her question.  “I wasn’t really going anywhere.  I was just leaving, I guess.  I get so sick of my parents’ attitude, how they use me and my achievements to move up the social ladder.  This is my first try at an escape.” “Sounds plausible.  Want to know where you were really going?” She says, amused. How would you know if I don’t even know?  “Okay,” I say uncertainly. “Right here!  This is where you were coming all along.  I wouldn’t have imagined it in this manner, though.  Good thing I keep this place well stocked…. Anyway, my augury stones told me a couple months ago that you and I were meant for each other, so at the beginning of spring, I set up this little tree house to watch you from.” I let that thought sink in for a minute.  “Oh no!  Did you see the–“ “Don’t worry, I didn’t see the underwear dance.  But with my sleep schedule, I don’t have much to do during the night, so I sent up shop, or camp, rather, and built this tree house.  Figured you’d come by at some point.  It’s not like my augury stones to disappoint me.” “So you’ve been watching me every night from early spring until now? “Mm-hmm.  Just me and my trusty telescope.” Even with my eyes still closed, it’s difficult for me to imagine that she’s been watching me all this time.  “Exactly how much do you know about me?” “Well, apart from my personal observations, I have your school yearbook, which I borrowed from a friend, and there’s always town gossip, and my rune stones of course.  So by now I know an awful lot about you, more than you know about yourself, maybe.  You’ve won every academic award your school offers along with many honors for activities outside of school, and your achievements have been recognized city- and nationwide.  In a few years you’re planning to attend the university in Ellayne.  You’re an outstanding Ultimate player, which I’ve heard is a difficult sport to play.  Your room is literally wallpapered in good grades.  You’re pretty cute, if I do say so myself; I’m partial to orange hair.  You have time to do everything, more, and still get enough sleep.  Some say you’re perfect.” I pause.  I can’t tell where to begin downplaying what she just said!  But as I search for objections, my mind draws a blank.  It dawns on me that what she had said was not just gossip, but absolute fact.  Horrified, I say, “But…but…nobody’s perfect!” “Flem, you are the living proof against that statement.  After observing you for several months I’m quite sure of it.  The only discrepancy is tonight when you introduced yourself to that rock down there.  Think about it.  Have you ever seriously injured yourself?” “No.” “Any broken bones or scars?” “No.” “Any grades below an A- ?” I wince inwardly at the thought of the A- I received last year in Introduction to Metaphysics, but that was the worst grade I have ever gotten.  “No.” “I didn’t think so.  Hmmm, we’ll have to look further into your inability to fail later.  But you know, even with all my sources I couldn’t find out everything I wanted to know about you.  Now that we’ve met, do you mind if I ask you some questions?” So far she seems like a trustworthy person, so I barely hesitate before answering her.  “Sure, what do you want to know?” “Okay.  I was confused about this Mayid relation of yours.  Is she your cousin or your great-aunt?” “Actually both.  My cousin Mayid is named after my great-aunt, and she also looks a lot like my great-aunt when she was younger.  But my great-aunt Mayid lives in Meayno, and my cousin lives….”

After a bunch of questions Fennet stops me.  “Hey, Flem, I really enjoyed listening to your stories, but I have to break it to you, it’s almost dawn.  We need to get you home.” I feel temporarily astounded by the time warp.  Then I realize I’ve done it again.  I can talk for hours and hours about something that I know about, which includes myself.  And I just have.   Sitting up, I open my eyes for the first time since I blacked out.  Then, for the eleventy-ninth time that night, I am amazed by the girl who sits before me with dark eyes set in an ivory face, adorned with dark orange and white-blond striped hair.   After a long silence, she says, “By the way, my name is Fennet.  Nice to meet you.”

As I pull the sheet rope up into my room, she says, “When your head gets better, come visit my tree house again.  But leave those sheets tied together; I’ll be coming every night until you recover.  I know you, but you don’t know anything about me.”  She pauses.  “And Flem, you know…” “What?” “We’re meant to be.” As I watch over the fence how she disappears into the darkness of the woods, I marvel at how easily I have found my counterbalance, my companion star, my equal and opposite other half.

[hecallsmehischild]

On Losing Weight

Recently I was asked a question that prompted me to pull together all the information I could remember about how my husband, Sergey, and I have been eating over the last few years. We both struggle very much with food and have been trying to do better by our bodies for a long time, but are wary of all the diets and fads. This post has details about what we’ve tried to date and what has worked for us. Most of it is written by me. At the end, Sergey wrote a few paragraphs also. Very long post under the cut.

Disclaimers and a few generalities

One thing about eating and weight loss is that accountability really helps. However, I’ve found personally that even if everyone in your family means well, accountability partners should not be within the family. The main reason I've found is that there's too much baggage with any family member (with the potential exception of your marriage partner) for accountability to ever go well and function as it should. Resentment, triggers, irritation, even accidental shaming crops up because of old baggage and derails everything. You need accountability with someone who you don’t carry a lot of baggage with, because there’s often a huge emotional component to eating.

It takes a LONG time to lose large amounts of weight. You can lose five to ten pounds relatively quickly, but often your body will stabilize on the new number and then you may find it very hard to get lower for months, so continuing to try new things is helpful.

You will yo-yo between 3 and 5 pounds all the time. That is standard. So think in five pound increments in any direction, because your bodyweight is constantly in flux over a few pounds. For this reason, weighing once a week is a lot more accurate than weighing every day and will cause a lot less despair and frustration.

We are not vegetarians at all. We cannot offer any thoughts on a vegetarian diet.

Whatever you do, food-wise, has to be part of your ordinary life. Short term diets set you up to fail. Changing your lifestyle is what will produce long-lasting changes.

Also, some of the things my husband and I try, in some ways, appears to walk the line of eating disorder. I’m watching it very closely with that in mind, and I still don’t think it falls into the trap. Sergey and I do not have enough activity to burn off all the food with take in, so we’re trying things to decrease our food intake AND increase our activity, so that we reach a reasonable balance. But people who have (or are tempted by) eating disorders need to take care, and I would recommend not reading this post or else proceeding with utmost caution.

Obviously not all of the things we do are feasible for everyone, but maybe even hearing some of our ideas might spark a different way of thinking about food and being active for you.

One Meal a Day

Three meals a day makes a lot of sense if you’re doing hard labor all the time. It doesn’t make as much sense if you have a desk job or take care of a house as your main occupation. So the first thing we did a few years back is cut down to one meal a day. It could be anything at all, but it had to be just one meal. That alone dropped us both about 10 pounds down. We’d have one meal around lunch, and later in the evening we would share a large bowl of some sort of fruit (like tangerines or cherries). The aim was to eat things that were both good and filling. Variation keeps you from getting bored and abandoning the lifestyle.

Meals were often grilled salmon or home-warmed burgers (lean, when we could) or a soup from Trader Joe’s. Some of our meals now:

Two burgers with lean beef patties, pickles, and some mayo on bakery fresh onion rolls

Lox (with is VERY low cal, if expensive) on onion rolls with tomato and onion, a little oil and pepper and salt

Sharing a whole roast chicken from the store, plus a roll each

Large can of tuna mixed with a little mayo on two onion rolls

Shredded chicken and mashed potatoes from the store’s fresh packaged food section

Pot roast and mashed potatoes from the store’s fresh packaged food section

Meatballs. Just meatballs.

A spicy beans/rice/sausage/mushroom dish we brainstormed that we make in a pressure cooker

Home-made chicken mushroom fettuccine alfredo. Not super healthy, but hot and homemade. (this is a “maintenance” meal, see what I mean by that later)

A bag of chicken fried rice from Trader Joe’s

Soup from the grocery store (not the canned kind, but the fresher ones sold by the store)

Two larger sized tamales

One frozen pizza (inspect the full calorie count, you’re shooting for something between 600 and 1000 calories total, which does exist but it takes some looking and experimenting with types) whose flavor can always be spiced up with extra mushrooms or garlic powder. Not the Tostino’s or Party pizzas. I promise there are healthier, tastier, and more varied pizzas to be had in this calorie range.

Chicken breast or chicken thigh meat is sold frozen. Cook that and make that into sandwiches for very lean, filling meals. Use of various spices encouraged.

A tray of baked “catfish nuggets” which are chunks of catfish cooked in the oven

A tray of baked white meat chicken nuggets

Cocktail shrimp (thawed from frozen) with cocktail sauce

I have just broken into the frontier of omelettes, also low-cal and filling in conjunction with onion rolls.

Sergey would often go to a salad bar and load up on the salad, then also load up on the chicken noodle soup which is very filling and very low cal.

Sergey eats his meal closer to noon or one. I try to eat my meal around 3 or 4 if I can hold out, because then I’m not groaning about how hungry I am in the evening or being kept up by hunger pangs. For me, that’s the mid-point of the day and the one that helps me deal with hunger best.

Snacks and Sweets

Snacks are always tricky, and large bags of anything salty are automatic failures in this house; we are incapable of portioning them. So we stopped getting them unless we acknowledged the truth to ourselves, which is that one bag is one serving size no matter what the back says (i.e. we embraced that we’re being bad and got it anyway).

For a while Sergey and I had an occasional bowl of non-buttered popcorn with powdered salt. This worked for a bit because it was pretty filling, but Sergey found himself making multiple bowls so we had to stop because that defeated the purpose.

Some stores sell very small snacks individually portioned, like a tiny foil pack of variously flavored olives, or banana bites coated in cacao, etc. Those are great. Rice cakes can be good, though I get tired of them after a while. I like the cinnamon apple and chocolate ones best. Speaking of cinnamon apple, individual oatmeal cups are good too. I aim for around 140 cal for a snack.

Sometimes I will snack on a lean burger patty or chicken thigh-meat piece, each of which is about 70 cal.

By himself, Sergey often would (and still does) fill a large bowl full of small quartered tomatoes mixed with pepper, oil, and onion. He can put away two of these tomato salads a day as “snacks.” He says they’re very filling, good for you, and low-cal. He’s leaning more on bowls of baby carrots and sugar snap peas these days. Sometimes he will make a large bowl of Golden Apple slices to chow down on.

I keep NO ice cream in the house. I may get a larger quantity for a birthday celebratory binge, or use individual containers as a reward system, but I never “stock up” on ice cream. Birthday? Maybe 4 of the personal containers of various flavors, and that’s it for my birthday treat. Reward system? Once I get to a certain weight, I allow myself to have one small personal container of ice cream (or my other favorite, a jar of honey pecans) a week. The incentive to get to a certain weight balances out the slow-down on the weight loss the treat causes, because this can’t be all about deprivation or I couldn’t sustain it. Being able to sustain a way of eating into a lifestyle is a huge deal.

I keep dried cranberries in the cabinet. Sometimes if I’m hungry and need to hold out, I’ll grab one handful of those to eat. I keep larger quantities of oatmeal too, but I’m not sure if that’s working against me or not, because I dump high quantities of honey in to bring it up to my sweet tooth standards so it might end up being a bad thing for me. I haven’t sat down to figure that out yet.

I make a mean chunky cinnamon applesauce that is a delicious and pretty healthy snack, too, when I have the energy to make it.

I would like to make sweets all the ding dong day, but it works against us, so I have to reserve my sweets making for when there’s a large group to share them with. Otherwise we would eat all of that ourselves.

Tools that help

Making your own food at home becomes a lot more enjoyable and feasible for low-energy people like us when there are tools that cut back on the effort it takes. To that end

A good 6 qt pressure cooker does everything a crockpot does, but it has more options and is faster.

A good food processor can do almost anything, from applesauce to milling oats to slicing veggies to finely dicing the onions you don’t want to deal with, to making ice cream out of frozen bananas and cocoa powder. We have an older one and it still does wonders, even though some of the latches don’t work right.

A good indoor grill machine.

Electric mixer/beater. The effort of making cookies goes down by a third to a half the personal energy cost when you use this, plus the process goes faster and the texture is so much better.

A dishwasher. A good dishwasher means you aren’t spending a ton of energy cleaning up all the dishes you soiled just making food. Did you know there are portable dishwashers that hook up to your sink if you don’t have one in the home? I just learned this...

This one heavily depends on how much you’d use it, but it can be very inexpensive to get an electric citrus juicer. I can go through about 40 lemons for a party-sized quantity of lemonade and it wracks out my wrist to do that manually, so I got a good one for about $20.

This website is one Sergey uses to see what products are legitimately good, because Amazon is starting to have major issues with fake reviews PLUS Chinese knock-offs getting passed off as the good product. This site user-tests a ton of different brands of the same product and tells you which one they found to be best and why, then gives a few runners up in other categories like price or different type. I used this to find a good set of salt/pepper grinders, a good knife sharpener, and an individual serving coffee maker. I also found my electric mixer and citrus juicer on here.

Also, pickling things is fun and very cheap and easy.

A few radical things

This is our lifestyle, not a diet. We go crazy with our eating when we’re on a trip, but normal, everyday eating is the one-meal-a-day plan for us. Going to a friend’s place for a meal is a balancing act that we often fail (because it’s often all-you-can-eat), but we’re already brainstorming ways to compensate.

Here’s for something radical sounding, to be handled with care. While Sergey aims for around 1300 calories a day, approximately, I aim for under or close to 800. I’ve found that if I eat the same things as him, I maintain my current weight but do not lose any. It’s when I, the smaller and less active person, undershoot him, that I start gaining ground. When I reach the weight I’m aiming for, I will allow myself more leeway to get to his calorie intake level, because that’s “maintenance” level for me.

Here’s the current thing we are testing, so the results are not in yet. We’re doing this because neither of us has been able to budge our weight for a while. It’s a combination of factors so track with me. We like a place called Star Cinema Grill which is a movie theater that serves you a meal and/or drinks while you watch the movie. But even for one meal this is a very high calorie day if we go there. We swore off going for a long time, until their marketing department sent out a wave of “Two free tickets!” in the mail. Sergey figured that he would go, and then he would not eat for 48 hours to make up for it. I was a little concerned by the idea, but after thinking it over for a while (with the concern about eating disorders in mind) it didn’t actually seem that unreasonable. So I joined him in this. So now we’ve worked out that we can go to Star Cinema Grill on occasion as long as it’s followed by a 48 hour fast.

We had previously tried 48 hour fasts (which consist of, for example, eating lunch around noon on Sunday and stopping food until lunch on Tuesday, so that you sleep through much of the 48 hour period) but we first did the fast on ONLY water. By the second day we were both so lethargic and unfocused that we could hardly function. This time we allowed ourselves to have several rounds of tea or mocha throughout the day. That time, we experienced very negligible energy drops and made it through the period of no-eating with a lot less suffering.

NOW. I was reading Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner, the expanded and revised edition, and at the end they included several articles they had written as bonus material. Please read this article to understand where I’m going next.

Excited, I rushed over to Sergey to make him read this bit. This is already sort of what we had been doing. Though this guy had distilled it down to sugar water, tea with a cube of sugar isn’t much different. My mocha had about three times the sugar, but was still on the very low end of calories for a day. So this idea (that sugar-water helps trick your body past hunger) was being confirmed for us by someone else. So we’ve decided to test out doing this 48-hour fast once a week, which may also allow for re-inclusion of things we tend to forgo more often (like weekly ice cream? Or a fresh batch of cookies?). Stay tuned...

Going out

We built a list of places and categories of how good or bad they are for us to go to. We divided them into Healthy and Healthy Cheat. Bad ones don’t make it on the list so we’re not tempted when we’re thinking of where to go out.

Healthy Restaurants are places where, if you’re reasonable with your choices, you can eat pretty much any one meal on their menu. (Lemon Shark is our Poke place in the area. Poke is unreasonably good and healthy and filling for you, and most will have vegetarian or cooked options on the menu if you don’t like raw fish. Jinya is a ramen place, though you have to be a little more selective about because some dishes are two meals’ worth, and Sweet Tomatoes is a salad bar also known as Souplantation in some regions)

Healthy Cheat Restaurants are places where we know we’ll probably eat more than we should, but the food is still relatively healthy. Tokyo Grill and Dimassi’s are both buffet places with relatively healthy options near us. Fukuda Sushi is our sushi go-to for now (though we’re looking to replace it as the fish quality went down).

Avoid most all-you-can-eat places like the plague, unless it’s a salad bar. Even then, if you gravitate toward the breads and creamy soups like I do, just say no.

Places we love that are also pretty bad for us on any kind of regular basis: Rudy’s BBQ, Star Cinema Grill, Wine Tasting Room (large meat and cheese platters), anywhere Italian.

Being Active

We took up Krav Maga, which had us doing off and on rigorous exercise for an hour twice a week. That went on for about a year. After I broke my toe, we switched to a home exercise regimen.

Instead of home exercise equipment, we opted for DDR pads, and have been doing hour-long DDR sessions most mornings. After an hour long workout (25 songs on easy-to-medium levels) we each do 20 crunches and then Sergey does extra burpees or push-ups. As the crunches get easier for me, I will be adding five at a time. I’m up to 30 now. Crunches were initially added to help me maintain the muscles that hold up a weak place in my spine, however now it’s also a good end-workout routine. I cannot get through all this without frequent water breaks because I drip sweat, and Sergey turns into a waterfall.

Sergey has added about 3-5 extra mini-workouts (a set of pushups or burpees) sprinkled throughout the day.

Some days we go to a park in the morning and walk for 30-50 minutes instead of DDR. It’s less strenuous, but a nice change of pace and scenery.

Some days we go kayaking in a nearby waterway, which REALLY works the arm muscles that day, but it’s a fantastic workout. We keep saying we need to go more often, but often forget.

Failing

It’s going to happen. It’s going to feel miserable. Sometimes I have found myself up at three AM, unable to sleep, making myself another whole frozen pizza or eating all the spaghetti leftovers. Sometimes I can talk myself into something slightly better, like a bowl of oatmeal, but not often. Sometimes I’ll just mix white and brown sugar, butter, and raw oatmeal and eat this lump-of-barely-cookie-dough as is. Sometimes I come home from the grocery store with an entire round loaf of bakery bread and eat it, much to Sergey’s fascination and surprise. One time I scooped one out and filled it with clam chowder and ate my own homemade bread bowl. It was great. It was also way over my limit.

Sometimes “failing” is known and expected, like around the holidays or birthdays. It’s okay to celebrate. Food is a very social and emotional experience as well as a sustenance deal. Keep picking yourself back up and trying again.

Sergey, who is SUPER good at distilling core concepts, adds his own TLDR:

On Losing Weight

Dusty and I have both struggled with overeating. For me, there have been sad times when plowing through a huge meal may have been the happiest 20 minutes of my day, and it’s no surprise that I would resist any attempts to eliminate that. However, I’ve found that losing weight and getting healthier leads to better moods and reduces the frequency and severity of impulses to binge.

Whatever you do must be incorporated into your lifestyle—if you are “going on a diet,” then you are setting yourself up to fail. If certain behaviors become part of your ordinary day, and you maintain that for months at a time, it’s much more likely that you’ll be able to keep going.

The most important change I’ve made is limiting myself to 1 meal a day. After a short adjustment period, I feel only a little bit hungrier than I did with 2 meals a day while consuming half the calories. That meal should be a reasonably-sized meal (typically 800-1200 calories for men, 600-900 for women), not an extra-large one. If I get hungry again, I only allow myself some very low-calorie snacks like carrots, sugar snap peas, or tomatoes.

The second thing I did was institute a daily exercise program. Dusty and I start each morning with an hour of DDR when we can, and I stop what I’m doing every 3-5 hours to do a set of 20 burpees. As I gain strength, I plan to increase this number. We also go for walks or go kayaking when the weather and our moods allow. What’s most important is that you do something to get your heart racing and get sweaty, and that you do it every day.

The last thing I did was institute occasional 48-hour fasts. For example, I would have lunch on Monday and not eat again until lunch on Wednesday. If I have tea with light sugar during a fast, I only feel moderately hungrier than I would otherwise. It’s much more tolerable than I thought it would be. There is considerable research suggesting that intermittent fasting is good for you, and it can be a reasonable way to offset the binge you couldn’t resist having. It’s definitely a healthier approach than purging, which hurts both your body and your soul.

[youngbradford]

Xmas Message For 2019

And here we go, my 19th annual year-end love letter online …Georgi Balinov and I rang in the new year at a giant party in Bangkok, halfway around the world. That foreign location, its beauty and tastes, set the tone for my 2019, a year of seeing the world, while stabilizing my life. Though often in flux or movement, 2019 was a year many things normalized over the year.

In January, almost immediately after arriving stateside, I crossed the pond and saw Michelle Visage perform in the West End with Peter Wish. Afterward, I played with her wigs backstage and walked her towards the queer kids lining up for selfies and autographs. I am very lucky to have Peter and Michelle in my life, kindred spirits both. One reminding me that fame, fortune, ebb, and flow, but that being real is what matters most. The other, a reminder to stay forever young. I visited Berlin yet again and did the usual, working, and playing, hard.

February appeared and I traveled to Philadelphia with Sandra Hansel, Georgi, George Sapio, and Anthony DeFilippis. We toured Lisa Roberts’ house, saw a Dieter Rams exhibit, dined with George Alley. In Lambertville, that Sunday, I bought vinyl and vintage hats. Later that month, I got a swallow tattooed on my hand, a symbol of flight and travel, and Warhol’s knives, blackened into my shin. An Eames exhibit in Oakland was a sweet way to end the month.

In March with my crew, Georgi, Khadyon Reid, Luis Urribarri, Anthony, and George, descended upon Salvador for Carnival. It was insane! I watched Anitta live, and danced in a sea of pushing, fighting, kissing Brazilians for days upon days. I felt unsafe and alive, threatened and excited. It was intense. Back home I got my other hand tattooed, again honoring my love of seeing the world. I traveled to Portland, came back to NYC at the end of the month, finally moving into our apartment, the one we bought 1.5 years before, that I designed, and had renovated head to toe. Finally, we had our dream home. The weekend we moved in, the place was still not ready, but we were sick of living without our things and in other people’s beds. Peg Kendall and Georgi’s mom came, and we worked our asses off unpacking and starting to make the 2800 square foot loft on west 13th street a home. We’d lived in Airbnbs and friends’ places for 19 months and it was tiring not having a home, not having most of our things. My art! My toys! My shoes!. Those months taught me how important a home, a safe place, and the oasis of my collections is to my mental health. From March on I felt more on solid ground and dedicated more energy to my career and friendships as a result.

In April we went to Coachella, seeing Ian and Jose Seronni, JJ and Andrey Lunin, and dancing in the desert of California. Multiple trips to San Francisco, catching glimpse of old friends, scaling my team at work, as I took on more and more responsibility.

In May, George Sapio and I celebrated (me a little early) a shared, fun birthday weekend at Soho Farmhouse. Joined by Matthew Kelleher, Mark Silver, Jaime Tanner, Matt Lynch, and others, we went shooting and feasted on pheasant in the English countryside.June was really busy, insanely so. 

For my 43rd in early June, I had a 30-person dinner party in our new place! We ended up at Club Cumming after, but before friends, new, and old, showered me with a vinyl record, the admission fee I’d set for my party. Lauren Foster, who has shared her home with us, was, appropriately, our first overnight guest. London, again, Berlin, too. Then home for Pride. Willam Ralphie hosted Bingo at eBay, Zach Augustine, David Mason Chlopecki, other loves attended. That weekend danced to both Madonna and Grace Jones on the pier and danced with 15K others at Javitz, where my favorite singer, Cyndi Lauper, belted “I Drove All Night,” her best song, at midnight. I stayed until the sun came up. NYC was electric that weekend. Parties, icons, friends from the world over … the city has an energy you could literally see and taste. I caught a few moments of the parade, overtaking lower Manhattan, and I smiled really big. God, it can feel good being gay! God, the world has improved for gay people (and yes, I know, we still have ways to go, especially for more marginalized LGBTQ groups). But I still took a moment to acknowledge the things that are better, that I have seen in my very gay lifetime. NYC that weekend was the ultimate place to reflect.

July 4th I went to Hamptons, with Ricardo, Brian, Felipe L. Mollica, others, guests of Anthony. Hosted Fab.com reunion, walked the Brooklyn Bridge, and took my team to Korea (where I shared a traditional Korean meal with Jae Hah), China (where I ate bird’s nests, jellyfish, sea snails, saw a Yves Klein show with Adnan Abbasi, and danced to 90s pop in a packed gay club), and Moscow (where I was amazed at how clean the city was and where I went to a traditional sauna and was whipped, naked, with tree leaves in front of dozens of Russian dudes in the nude). While in Russia a protest erupted, literally below the rooftop bar I dined in. Russia seemed freer than I’d expected, way more Western, up until this moment. I ended the weekend at a club at 3 AM, Russian women in high, high heels, dancing on the bar, vodka flowing like water. 2020 saw me traveling to places I romanticized as a child. Russia, one such place. I thoroughly enjoyed the friendships formed in Moscow, the food, and history. I want to return.

August, I was back in San Jose and Portland for work, then off again to Europe for vacation. We started our trip in Croatia, where Georgi and I kayaked around Dbruvnik’s harbor. Croatia’s cliffs and turquoise water did not disappoint, as we boated to islands and swam in caves. Driving south into Montenegro, the architecture reminded me more of Polish, Bulgarian trips, the water, greener. At the Amman we laid out next to The Beckhams, watching David kick a soccer ball with workers of the hotel, and watching Victoria read a book. Georgi and I then ventured to Mykonos, sunning til sunset and dancing til sunrise. A weekend trip upstate with our besties (including a guest appearance by Eric Lee, riding rides at the Colombia County fair, cooking pies, and grilling meats, ended our summer.

In September I went to Berlin and did Folsom and a speaking gig in front of 1K eBay sellers. I went again to Tel Aviv, meeting gay Israeli technology workers and a bevy fo Israeli start-ups. In Jerusalem, I returned to the wonderful Machneyuda with Gilad Ayalon, where they remembered me from my birthday the year before.

October saw us hosting my mother and my niece for a visit. We fell in love with Company XVI, a dance/burlesque/performance art troupe in Brooklyn. I took my mother to see Madonna, a night I will cherish forever. And we saw Dear Evan Hanson. A weekend in Miami with Lauren Foster and K was needed warmth. I took Georgi to see both acts of The Inheritance (so good!).  Then off to Berlin, again, and Paris, where I looked at art and went shopping for fall clothes. Halloween, in NYC, was brilliant and over the top; I went as white Pierrot clown. In Brooklyn, to Honey Dijon, we danced all night. Ralph Rucci, the American couturier reposted our photo on Instagram, calling it high-fashion, however, it was Georgi who won the night as Spock.

November I was in NYC early on, shopping with Thomas Cawson (who hooked me up with pink denim Helmut Lang), eating Christmas cookies, and being interviewed by Buzzfeed, a segment on 90s toys. I imitated a Furby. Then a week in Portland (I glow-in-the-dark-miniature-golfed), and off to Helsinki, catching up with former friends from Fab, One Nordic, Hem. Then to Lapland, with Georgi, George, and Anthony, lapping up wine, winter wonderlands, and dining on reindeer and elk. Dog sledding, snowmobiling, Northen lights! Another childhood desire checked from the list. Dinner with Michelle Case in London closed the month.

In December I went back to Berlin (my second home) and hosted a fundraiser for Single Step in our home. In one night Georgi and I helped raise $50K to help build Bulgaria’s first LGBTI center. It was also an impromptu holiday party: so many old friends together again in one room. And now Georgi and I sit in an airport lounge, awaiting our flight to Baltra, in the Galapagos. Once we land, we’ll board a 7-day cruise on a mega-yacht/small cruise ship. This, I feel, I have been waiting my entire life for.

I often write about how I was lonely as a kid. I was gay, I had a drug-addicted father, I grew up very poor. I oftentimes say music saved my life. But, I don’t write enough about the joy animals gave me too. I had so many pets: newts, turtles, tortoises, tree frogs, geckos, crabs, salamanders, etc. Caring for them, feeding them, gave me peace and allowed me to love. One turtle I had had a cracked shell. He lived in my room for many, many years. I always preferred him, with his defects, to the others. I think I feel the same about people.

As a child, I became obsessed with the Galapagos Islands, and mostly the tortoises. I would read about them in encyclopedias and race to see them at zoos. I always felt connected to turtles. They were my spirit animal. Later in life, I’d bloom, my feathers growing, my pride, alive. I’d no longer consider myself a turtle, my spirit animal changed. I told this story to my colleague Eben Sermon, who runs eBay’s German business: I always wanted to be a turtle. But I ended up a cockatoo. Eben brought this up last week in Berlin and it made me think a bit more about affinities for animals and how I have not had that connection as often as I probably should.

So this week, before we ring in New Years in Rio, I will honor the old me, the kid, the quieter Bradford, the sadder Bradford, by visiting those turtles, finally.

And I’ll marvel at the wonder of nature and evolution, both the evolution of animals and this world, and also the very real and dramatic evolution of my spirit and happiness.

Happy Holidays, Peace & Big Love

[tiny-ruby-seeds]

Way Down Below/ Sinister Kid 2- TEASER

.. As I pulled out the deck and looked over the old cards. I swear I could smell the scent of cigarettes coming from them, lingering like a ghost. It’s funny how such a small thing can trigger memories like the taste the humid air in my hotel room, and felt a slight pulse of history and power older then this country was. I could almost hear a deep musical, slightly accented voice speaking…

I shook my head to clear the memory. Echoes of memory starting to fade in my mind. Think of the question. Otherwise, the cards will give me one hell of a strange answer.

I took a deep breath trying to clear my head save for my question which I focused on more, and more and more. As I did this… I started to shuffle. First cutting the deck into three piles and then sorting the deck in those three piles. Then I started shuffling the cards like I was dealing poker or something. Once, twice, three times. I knew the cards couldn’t tell me an address, much less coordinates but… At this point, I would take a hint, ask the audience, phone a friend, anything. Hell, I was close to calling a psychic I had met during an LA trip to pull out her damn spirit board (as much as I hate those things) and talk to dead people. So anything the cards could tell me would be enough.

Finally, I took a deep breath, brought the cards up to my lips and blew across them like I was blowing out a candle.

Tell me where I can find him. Where I can find Michael Langdon. If not… Tell me what his plans are… Please.

As soon as I lost my breath I could swear the cards themselves pulsed like they possessed a heartbeat. It was an odd sensation but one I was used to, in fact, I have to admit I almost forgot how much I missed it. I sat the deck on the cover before me as I crossed my legs. Very carefully I pushed the deck so the cards lay face down, fanned out upon the bedspread. Their colored backs of moons, suns, and stars showing perhaps even more vivid when compared to the muted brown of the hotel sheets. Yet it was oddly fitting contrast. I chewed a little on my lip as I decided something really quickly.

3 card spread, I decided. It would be a good start for now. If I need to do something a bit more extensive later, I would. But with this deck, it was always good to start pretty broad and go from there. These cards have been pretty faithful when I used it back when I was with the Coven and I had a feeling it wouldn’t let me down.

Gently, I ran my pointer and middle finger over the top of the cards, lightly brushing their top corners. It's… Hard to describe what I was looking for when I did this. I guess the closest I could say would be a strange calling, a tug of sorts is but that’s not quite right either. I suppose it was instinctive, like the sense you had when you chose to walk a particular street at night as opposed to taking your familiar shortcut home.

Just a third of a length of the deck was I felt it, that strange sensation I was looking for. One I knew meant I had found the card I was looking for. Carefully I pushed the other cards around this particular card aside and set it aside. I didn’t turn it over though. Not yet. I did this strange ritual once more. This time from the other side. My fingertips didn’t have to skim that many cards this time though, as I felt it almost at the very end of the deck.

Just as before I pulled the card out of the deck and set it with the other.  And then I turned to the deck one last time and skimmed it with my fingertips from the start. This time I was at least 2 thirds of the way down the length of the deck until the final card captured me. I set it with its sisters before I pushed the deck together to either shuffle to put back in the box… We would find out soon enough.

I breathed in deeply, letting it out slowly. Wondering where that strange unease, that strange buzzing in my blood, was coming from but deciding not to focus on it. For now. I turned to the first card and flipped it over.

Instantly I was met with the image of a cloaked woman in a rowboat. Her hood was drawn and back to me. At her side was a small child rowing with her. It looked like the kid was just about to look over their shoulder but the image was frozen at that. Leaning against their seat, and laying on the floor of the boat behind them were several swords. I could count at least six of them.

Huh? I thought looking at the card in my hand. For a moment, I could swear I saw the waves of the river the women and child were traveling ripple. But when I blinked the image was still. I decided not to focus on it as it meant it wasn’t important… But the message…

Can’t say I saw that one coming… I thought.

This wasn’t what I was expecting for the start but I quickly filed the information away as I turned to the next card. Well… If I thought the last card was odd it was nothing compared to this one.

I was met instantly with the image of a vivid orange wheel of fortune and fate, with various symbols I recognized from past spell books on its face. The wheel was hung like a sun in the blue skies above but this was certainly no sun. On the left of the wheel was a golden snake, on the right was a jackal-headed man, and on top of it sat a sphinx looking directly at me. In the corners of the card were angels, and other winged creatures like bulls, lions, and eagles. For a moment I could have sworn I saw the wheel turn but I think it was just a trick of the light with foil.  

Once again I found myself utterly puzzled. Did I mess something up? The cards weren’t answering like I had thought they would. Plus I was getting the feeling that this may be… Something else at work.

But what?

I reached for the last card and flipped it over.

“You gotta be kidding me…” I couldn’t help but say aloud when I looked at the last card.

There before me was the image of a naked man and women, looking to each other longing, like lovers, in a beautiful garden. Behind the women was a tree of strange colored fruits, a serpent coiled in the branches, meanwhile behind the man was a strange flaming tree that wasn’t burning despite the blaze. Above the couple a blazing bright being was in the skies, wings outstretched, face hard to make out but the fiery halo most certainly wasn’t hard to see.

No way.

No way in hell this was about Michael. Then… Was this a message to me? But about what? Did I not focus on my question enough? No, that didn’t feel right. Maybe I had to be more specific? I tried to keep the cards and their order in mind as I reached for the deck about to shuffle them in and ask again.

Later I would wonder if the burst of cold air from my cracked open window was just a coincidence or fate. Either way, I had completely forgotten about opening it to get rid of that musty smoky scent tinged with cleaning supplies. I was remembering now as my cards fluttered across the bed and I saw one fly off to the floor.

“Shit!” I cursed, leaping off the bed and running to the window to slam it down.

I sighed as I turned to the mess. Well, I guess I won’t need to shuffle too much on some of the deck, I thought as I walked over to the bed and walked around it to see how many cards had flown off. I could see a few of them there on the floor still faced down and on top of them was….

Wait…

It was face up.

My head started to spin, thinking I was getting a head rush I knelt down, trying to steady myself.  I tried to ignore the strange feeling that had erupted in the pit of my stomach as I looked to the card before me.

There was the image of a being that was… Well, not a man but not a beast rather a strange mixture of both.

A great pair of wings came from it’s back, white feather’s singed and falling off as if the wings were mid-transformation to the veiny membrane of a bat; Like a moth shedding its cocoon. In one hand it held the chains that led to the collars of a man and women at its feet, in the other a blazing torch of black flame that stood out from fiery scene behind them. Its face was shark pale white… Well one could say hauntingly beautiful with angelic features and a face like a marble statue come to life, another could say horrifying with those red eyes…

Great horns coming from his head and the shining inverse pentagram that blazed like a star on the black background.

It’s not upright or upside down, I couldn’t help but notice. Interesting as most of the cards around it seemed to have fallen horizontal.  Was this coincidence? Maybe, but if I were to read it then it showed that this one was in flux. Torn between the normal and reversed spread.

It could be read either way.

I suddenly felt cold even as I could feel my palms get sweaty. My heart starting to hammer.  Calm down… I told myself. It’s just a card.  

Yet I couldn’t help but feel like that wasn’t the case. Not in the least bit.

Taking a few deep breaths I swallowed down the strange fear and slowly started to reach for it, almost like it were an animal that could tear my hand off if I weren’t careful. Hand getting closer and closer. I could feel myself start to shake and I noticed something the air around the card… It was charged like a summer storm just dying to lose control.

I had felt that once before, a few years back. I had never forgotten it and never thought I would feel it again.

Oh hell, I thought pausing before...

Fuck it.

My fingertips touched the card. I barely had time to gasp when suddenly I was all but jerked away...

… Before me the figure in the card stood over the small boy, wings outstretched, feathers falling away to reveal large bat-like wings, behind him, red eyes glowing prideful as a black clawed hand set itself on the shoulders of the boy…

Or was that a boy?

No… Was they a man?

I couldn’t tell, all I knew is the boy was in between, tilting off the edge. I could see something in his hand bleed down his arm vivid crimson. I could see blood on his face as he pulled it away from his lips…

No…

Oh god no…

I knew what the boy had in his hand. I knew what he had done and I could feel my stomach turn.

“Father…” I could hear him say in a voice that sounded so hauntingly familiar but I couldn’t place as it was so soft yet it echoed like in a whisper hall…

“I am with you now.”

Sudden the boy looked up, looked right at me I… I couldn’t see his face but I could see his eyes.

My heart turned cold as beautiful startling blue became darker and darker until they were jet black…

And I found myself falling painfully on my ass in the real world, breathing hard.

“What the fuck?!” I all but screamed as soon as I caught my breath.

No one answered me.

I swung my legs around and faced the card head on as if I were going to pound the damn thing into the floor. But the air around it was gone. Faded like a morning fog yet the image lingered.

What the hell was that?

I reached over and tentatively, as if it were going to shock me, touched the card once more…

Nothing.

I took a few breaths before I picked it up off the floor and off the small pile of cards it sat on. Staring the creature dead in the eye as if challenging it do it again. Yet… The red eyes didn’t glint, didn’t blink. They were just a flat image printed on cardstock… Not the monster I saw just moments ago standing above that kid.

It was then suddenly my phone started to buzz. Pulling me out of my thoughts like a slap. I got to my feet and was about to grab it off the bed when suddenly the ring tone started...

More Coming Soon!

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #383

"Aether’s Glow, Fru is Bad, EAlex Recovering, Job Offer”

[Lie] Once the area has been cleared of Slender's energy, she goes to put Aether down for a nap. She sets her child down in the bassinet and by the shadow cast by the side she notices that the eye in shadow is actually glowing a little- Awww, your glow is coming in...- She tucks her happy child in and send a quick message into chat- Aether's glow is starting to show

[TLOT] Mind if I come have a look Lie?

[Steve] chat- Well I want to see too!

[Lie] - Sure, she's still awake at the moment

[TLOT] I'll be there in two shakes-  Tps himself and Steve to her

[Aether] Squeals at their sudden appearance-

[TLOT] well that's a happy noise!

[Steve] Squees - who's a little cutie?

[Lie] - She had a bit if a scare earlier, Slender found out about her...

[TLOT] That's bad... I take it Cp got yelled at at the least?

[Lie] - Yeah, he's currently watching Sally while I think Slender calms down. Luckily Notch had Aether so she wasn't as close to where Slender appeared

[Aether] Manages to grab her foot-

[TLOT] That's good, she might be sensitive to emp. I know that stuff can be painful.

[Steve] Yep that's your foot!

[Lie] - Oh absolutely, but Flux and Deer have already cleared the area of any residual emp. Do you want to hold her Steve?

[Steve] Sure! - he holds his arms out. - wait! I'll sit down first, just in case. - Sits on her bed and holds his arms out for Aether.

[Lie] Picks her up and take her over to Steve- Just make sure you support her head and neck, she can't hold them up on her own yet

[Steve] Oh no! Is she supposed to be like that??? - cradles her as instructed, imagine someone holding the most delicate of eggs.

[Lie] - Yes, it's absolutely normal. And her soft spot has already hardened up too

[Steve] Soft spot?????!!!

[TLOT] Humans really are born delicate. It's amazing you're such a successful species.

[Steve] Hey!

[Lie] - Her soft spot was a spot on her skull where the bones hadn't hardened so she could come out of me. Basically you bump the soft spot and you could potentially kill the baby. Had to stop CP from running out to the real world to grab bubble wrap once I told him that

[Steve] I have diamonds! We could make her a little helm!

[Lie] - She's fine now Steve, she'll be just fine

[Aether] Tries to grab Steve's armor-

[Steve] Looks down curiously - if you're sure... Hey she's got a hold of my armor now. That's smooth isn't it? It's really old bone.

[Lie] - It's something new for her, just be careful, she may try to get it in her mouth

[Steve] snickers - a little baby spit won't hurt it?

[Lie] - True. So what have you two been up to lately?

[TLOT] The thought floats over his mind that he and Steve have looked for her missing wolves several times but he says nothing to avoid upsetting her. - not much...

[Steve] Traveller is gone off again. Oh and Grinny is staying with Alexsezia.

[Lie] - I wonder what Traveler does when she goes off wandering... And I suspect that will lead to a lot of fights in Alexsezia's house

[TLOT] I think she stays away sometimes so I don't read her mind and find out.

[Steve] is playing with Aether's toes- you never know. Cats are one of her specialties.  

[Aether] Squeals again as she's played with-

[Lie] - This is true...

[TLOT] I can deal. So many people have worse NOTCHes. - he brushes Aether's fluffy hair lightly with his fingers. - heh, she's soft  just like her dad.

[Lie] - But not greasy! She gets regular bathes

[TLOT] maybe when she's bigger her daddy can give her baths. - winks- then they'll both be clean.

[Lie] - Oh he usually bathes her, he can make the water nice and warm

[Steve] Is she lava proof like you guys too?

[Lie] - We don't know yet...

[TLOT] Any objection to me touching her mind? I'm curious about her development.

[Lie] - Go right ahead

[Prince] -In chat- A little late, but that's wonderful, Lie.

[TLOT] - thank you- he brushes her gently to see what's going on-

[Aether] Doesn't have much going on yet, but she's starting to recognize faces and put emotions with they. She's absolutely overjoyed when she sees her mom, dad, or Notch, she like Flux, but she not sure about Stevie just because of how cold he is-

[Lie] - Thank you Prince

[Steve] Wiggles his fingers - what are you doing Prince? Keeping busy?

[TLOT] It appears her uncle isn't warm enough for her tastes, she seems to be extremely fond of mom, dad, grandma and grandpa though.

[Aether] As TLOT presses a bit further he finds that Aether is still trying to learn his and Steve's faces but that so far she likes them-

[Prince]-in chat- For the most part, yes.

[TLOT] still not sure about me and Steve huh? Well that's okay. We'll have fun later. Especially when I can give you tons of sugar right before returning you to your dad.

[Lie] - Oh I'm sure CP will love that

[TLOT] playfully- well that will just be tough bedrock since he's already volunteered me and Steve for babysitting duties.

[Steve] Maybe I can teach you to play a digerido like me!

[TLOT] and people call me a griefer...

[Lie] - Please no, I'd have to deal with that too

[Aether] Gives A little fart-

[Steve] Giggles- you pooted!

[Aether] Smiles and laughs back-

[TLOT] Oh okay. Feh... Noteblocks?

[Lie] - We'll see

[Yaunfen] Is basically being dragged around the desert by Fru. - mom??? Are you sure you can't get them to obey?

[Waffles] Happy scampering like its a game-

[Deer] In chat- Positive. Why?

[Yaunfen] is outmatched  in their human form and eating sand - HEEL!

-A few lightfeet scatter as Fru blazes past, all of them are yelling and head straight for Mix's house-

[Yaunfen] What the nether??? Fru NO!

[Fru] Decides to chase the lightfeet.

[Lightfoot 1] Go away! -Snaps jaws at Fru-

[Lightfoot 3] Mix! Miiiix! Miiiixxx! Don't like this! Mix!!!

[Fru] Grabs a Lightfoot and licks them before spitting in annoyance-

[Yaunfen] FRU!!!

[Waffles] SO HAPPY

[Lightfoot 2] -Licked, and looks positively disgusted-

[Mix] -Sitting on the shoreline, looks up as a herd of lightfeet come tearing toward her, all yelling her name and variations of "don't like that! Nope!"- What the---

[Mix] -Has spotted Fru, and in turn Yaunfen getting dragged behind, and jerks to her feet- Yaunfen?!

[Yaunfen] yanking on the thick lead and trying to stop - comparatively Fru is only a bit bigger then the lightfeet but still heavier and taller then the dragon-child.

[Waffles] Happy busk on Mix-

[Mix] Hello Waffles! -Holds her hands up as Fru (and Yaunfen) crash into her. She skids back a little bit but holds steady- Yaunfen, next time you want to bring a dinosaur over, could you give me a bit of warning?!

[Yaunfen] Not doing it on purpose! Sorry Mix!

[Fru] Licks the Mix - PPPPTH!

[Waffles] Trying to play with the scurrying lightfeet

[Mix] Pppth to you too buddy. -Now covered in dino saliva-

[Lightfeet] -Hiding behind Mix, most standing in the water-

[Yaunfen] Can finally get in their inventory and tosses Fru a chocolate chicken item- [Fru] Happy roar and devour-

[Lightfoot 2] Go away hairball! -Swats at Waffles before turning and taking off down the shoreline, the rest of the Lightfeet scatter again to go somewhere else-

[Waffles] indignant mow!

[Mix] Do I want to ask why you have a dinosaur that's able to drag you around, Yaunfen? -Is looking at Fru while he eats-

[Yaunfen] it was an accidental spawn... I found a fossil... This is Fru.

[Mix] -Expression slowly turning to one of fear as she realizes what Fru is- Is-- Is this a redeye? Yaunfen, please tell me you didn't spawn a redeye...

[Yaunfen] is it? Mada said they'll get big. Salvatage says I'll have to fight them when they're grown to tame them.

[Mix] Oh no... Yaunfen, you better build somewhere you can keep Fru penned up. Th-- They get really big. And very dangerous. Do-- Do you have a scarab to tame it with?

[Yaunfen] A scarab? What's that? And they only eat candy like me. They're just bad about... licking stuff to see if it's sweet...

[Mix] Yaunfen, Red eye are violent. Fru might be friendly now, but when Fru's fully grown he's going to want to fight everything..  And I don't know if I have a scarab I can show you.. Uhhh..

[Yaunfen] Looks sad- I don't know what to do... They're not bad, just wild. And Mb wants to fight everything and he gets to stay!

[Mix] Hey, hey... don't be sad. Fru isn't bad, you're right about that. But they're going to be violent until you tame them. I don't think you can change that. And you're right, MB does...

[Mix] Let me see if anyone I know has one. -In chat- Prince? NK? MA? Do any of you have a scarab?

[NK] -in chat- No, I've never needed one. Stev says he doesn't either, but if you need one, he's up for helping.

[Mix] Drat.

[Fru] Digs around in the sand like a giant chicken-

[Mix] -Watches Fru- For now, I'd say you have... 3? or 4 more growth spurts.

[Prince]-in chat- Not currently.

[Yaunfen] what is it? Some kind of weapon? Maybe a collar?

[Mix] It's an item you use to tame large dinosaurs. We also used a smaller kind as currency. Hmmm... And since Fru is a candy dinosaur, he might need one from your seed, not one of ours...

[MA] -In chat- I had one somewhere, but frankly, I don't know where it is. Sorry kid

[Yaunfen] Aww... Any thoughts on keeping  them penned? They keep clipping and breaking through everything.

[Mix] We usually used a lot of blocks but uh... I think Iron worked best? The place all the redeyes were was kind of secluded so we didn't bother penning them in too often.

[Yaunfen] Okay... I can get iron- looks at Fru-

[Fru] found a small stand of sugar cane and rips them out of the ground before gulping them down -

[Yaunfen] how do you find a scarab?

[Mix]I t involves a l o t of mining, Yaunfen. Also! Since you're here, I think I might have something Fru would like. Give me a second to find my bag... -Looks around in all the freshly tossed sand courtesy of Fru before fishing the purple bag out.- You said Fru likes sweet stuff?

[Yaunfen] I can dig, I've got good claws! And yes, they'll eat anything sweet -

[Mix] -Pulls a small colorful hunk from her bag, it's about the size of a breadloaf- We had rock candy on our seed. Never could figure out what for, It's way too sweet for any of us. Try giving it to Fru. -Holds it out to Yaunfen-

[Yaunfen] oooo! It's pretty. And worth a shot - they hold it out   [Fru] sniff snuff - takes it in their teeth and rolls it around, it's too hard to bite and they're slobbering a bit as they suck on it - mmmph! [Yaunfen] I guess we know what it's for now! Keeping candy dinosaurs entertained!

[Mix] Haha yeah! I have a few more, incase Fru manages to bite through it.

[Yaunfen] Thank you- takes- sorry about the licking...

[Mix] It's alright, being licked is better than being bitten any day.

[Yaunfen] Yeah..... Mom and Buff got scratched up. Fru doesn't like being held.

[Waffles] Has a fun roll in the sand-

[Piefoot] Would do same. Not like held. Not a toy. -Where did he come from? Who's pie is that?-

[Mix] Yeah, understandable. But usually if you grab them from behind, it'll be a lot easier.

[Yaunfen] From behind??? Like a kitten scruff?

[Fru] Snuffle at Piefoot-

[Mix] No, like this, Piefoot come here!

[Piefoot] No! Pie will fall!

[Fru] Is after that pie! the rock candy is sucked small enough to crunch apart in their jaws- hhhhhh?

[Waffles] romps because MORE FUN

[Yaunfen] ineffective leash tugging -

[Piefoot] -Hisses at Fru before stuffing a hunk of the pie in his mouth- Mine!

[Mix] -Loud dramatic sigh as she ducks behind Piefoot and hefts him up off the ground, holding him around the barrel, just under his arms-

[Piefoot] -Ineffective flailing about-

[Yaunfen] Explodes in laughter- and you're really strong Mix!

[Fru] Snapping at the rest of the pie!

[Mix] Oh this is nothing! I could probably do this with three, If they were being naughty. I grew up with these guys, it's second nature now.

[Piefoot] -Flailing about and trying to get free, with no dice.-

[Mix] Since Fru is about the same size, this'll work pretty well until he grows some more.

[Yaunfen] darts under Fru and tries to lift them. - NNNNNGGGHH!

[Fru] Is lifted with some difficulty and keeps snapping at the pie. Their little arms are even more useless for getting away then the lightfoots-

[Waffles] Annoyingly underfoot because CAT

[Mix] See! There ya go! You grow up doing this, you grow up getting very strong!

[Yaunfen] Wobbing- I could do it as a dragon but then they'd be behind my neck...

[Fru] Whines-

[Yaunfen] Has to put Fru down-

[Fru] hops around a bit and shakes off in annoyance - raaaaawr!

[Mix] Now when you set him down, always make sure it's gently, and maybe back up as fast as you can. -Lowers  piefoot and he noms his pie before bolting-

[Yaunfen] got it. Why did you call Fru a redeye Mix? They have black eyes - raisin colored actually...

[Mix] They have red eyes on my seed. The only reason I even recognized Fru as one was because of all the teeth.

[Yaunfen] yeah... They have a lot of teeth... But they're still caky like Waffles. Mada says it's called a fruitcake and Slender said that was an abomination?

[Waffles] Paws at Mixs bag curiously

[Fru] charges a small sand dune and knocks it over-

-A small golden bug pops out, it stands still for a second before scrambling off into the distance-

[Mix] I've never heard of fruitcake, but it sounds like it would be either delicious, or disgusting.

[Waffles] BUG! Very excited!

[Yaunfen] fruit is okay, with Carmel or sugar of course!

[Fru] notices a sea dragon just off the shore and hisses at it-

[Mix] Knock that off Fru! At least it isn't one of those water dinos... Those things are weird... -Slightly haunted look-

[Yaunfen] Weird how? Aquatic dinos sound cool.

[Mix] I mean, visually they're cool, but some act really dumb. Like the huge one, that thing was derpy.

[Fru] sullen water slurping-

[Yaunfen] I think it's cool that we have a sea monster. I can even call it! It makes Herabrine antsy as all get out. - snicker

[Mix] You can call it? Really? That sounds neat!

[Yaunfen] I can show you! But we should get Fru back away from the shore first

[Mix] Fru come here! I got some candy for youuuu~ -Pulls another rock candy loaf out of her bag-

[Fru] little eye glitter and stomps towards her egarly with jaws askew.

[Yaunfen] Watch your fingers!

[Mix] -Shoves the candy into Fru's mouth with all the skill of someone who's nearly lost her fingers to a dinosaurs mouth before-

[Fru] NOM! Happy now.

[Yaunfen] Good Fru. Waffles?

[Waffles] Little yawn and saunters closer-

[Yaunfen] Digs in their inventory before bringing out the curly shell - watch this! - they blow into it with a melodious trumpeting blast and there's a hushed silence after the echoes die away. The sea dragons are making a panicked rush towards anywhere else.

[Mix] -Looks a bit nervous at the sea dragon rush to go anywhere but here-

-there' a rather ominous ripple as waves start breaking on the shore from a disturbance much farther out -

[Yaunfen] Shades their eyes from the desert sun to look-

- a flat black shape rises like an island in the water and slides towards the shore -

[Mix] Oh shit! It looks like the derpy thing! -Backing up a bit more from shore, just to be safe- You can just summon that, Yaunfen?!

[Yaunfen] Yeah! That's Basil. He likes the shell noise. - holds the fat shell for mix to inspect. Its tan and white striped and vaguely circular like a nautilus.

[Basil] puts their giant long jaws on the sand like a crocodile and glares at them with baleful red eyes-

[Waffles] Scamper back and hide behind a dune-

[Fru] Growl at Basil-

[Mix] -Inspects the shell and nods a bit- Reminds me of MA's flute. -Hands it back to Yaunfen before looking at Basil- Do you think you can ride him?

[Yaunfen] I dunno? But I usually give him a snack if I call for him. He likes bad vibes. Do you want to do it?

[Basil] scoots around a bit with his huge fins, just staying moist-

[Fru] Snorts a bit, but not dumb enough to get near Basils mouth

[Mix] I mean, kind of?

[Yaunfen] Think about something that makes you mad, try yelling a cuss word or three.

[Mix] There's not a lot that makes me very mad, Yaunfen.

[Yaunfen] Slow smile- not even Prince? He's pretty rude

[Basil] seems to sneak closer somehow-

[Mix] Prince can be an ass sometimes, yes... -Grumble- He's so set in his ways...

[Basil] hhhhhhhhh

[Yaunfen] Ooh! Mb makes you mad!

[Mix] Not really, actually. Except for that one time... I actually haven't seen him. But you know what brine recently pissed me off? TLOT! He was harassing my poor bird!

[Yaunfen] Oh... I heard about that... That was harsh, but at least Benny isn't a chicken anymore right?

[Basil] Terrifying open jaws and they suck up the bad energy with a satisfied wheeze .

[Mix] BENNY ISN'T WHAT ANYMORE?

[Basil] very happy sucking her fury in! [Yaunfen] wiping the spittle off - yeah? Is that bad????

[Mix] NO ONE TOLD ME THAT

[CN] Flies by overhead looking for Firebird-

[Yaunfen] didn't he go home? I'd have thought he'd do that first.

[Mix] NO HE DIDN'T, HE HASN'T BEEN HOME IN AGES, I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS

[Basil] Slides back in the water and floats like a very deadly log. Happy and full.

[Yaunfen] Thats mean! Why did he run off?

[Mix] He just sort of went missing after the fight, I figured he was hiding! Or out bothering somone!

[Yaunfen] He drank some water from Stevies footprint and boom no more chicken!

[Fru] tries to follow Cn from below and makes a short hop to get a better sniff of him-

[CN] Darts upwards with a terrified noise-

[Mix] When I get my hands on him....

[Yaunfen] what are you gonna do Mix? Aren't you happy for him? He's kind of a funny looking Steve though...

[Fru] rawr at Cn!

[CN] Swoops around, looking for a way to lose Fru-

[Mix] -Looks up at CN- Firebird's in the tree! -Back to Yaunfen- I am, but I didn't know until now!

[Yaunfen] Cn! - holds out hands for him- I wonder where he went? Can he read chat?

[CN] Flies right to them-

[Yaunfen] Catches Cn like a baseball and hides him as Fru sniffs around

[CN] Breathing hard-

[Fru] wanders off a little bit and pees on some Lightfoot tracks-

[Yaunfen] It's okay! You're safe! Fru only eats sweets!

[Mix[ Ughhh... Bad Fru!

[CN] Shifts back- That doesn't make it any less terrifying!

[Yaunfen]cradles Cn a little - sorry Cn. And mix... Well... it is in the sand... That's where the cats go.

[Waffles] scuffs sand over the pee-

[CN] - You can put me down you know

[Yaunfen] okay- puts him down-

[Fru] snuffles around -

[Basil] splashes a little-

[CN] - So what's the thing in the water?

[Yaunfen] it's a monster! We took it in so it wouldn't bother our friends irl anymore.

[CN] - Oh, okay

[Mix] I assume Benny can read the chat....

[Yaunfen] types- Benny? Mix is looking for you.

[CN] Whispers to Yaunfen- Why is Mix angry?

[Yaunfen] whispers - Maybe she liked him better as a chicken?

[CN] Shrugs-

[EAlex] Rolls over with a groan, she opens her eyes to a darkened room- L-licht?

-There's the sound of a shower running from the other room-

[EAlex] Gets up unsteadily and staggers that way-

[Licht] Has left the door slightly ajar and a bit of steam billows out-

[EAlex] eases into the room and sits on the closed toilet. She's drenched in sweat and melted snow and exhausted despite having been unconscious for hours-

[Licht] Turns the shower off and pulls back the curtain only to shriek in surprise at seeing EAlex there- Don't do that!

[EAlex] opens hir eyes wide in surprise at being shouted at, her glow isn't what it was but its getting there. She gives a pathetic wet cough - sorry... Can I use your water block?

[Licht] Is using the shower curtain to keep herself decent- My water block?

[EAlex] points at the shower head-

[Licht] - Oh, my shower. Sure, just... Hand me a towel first

[EAlex] looks around for the stack and hands her one before peeling her own shirt off. She has a muscular chest and breasts that seem almost uncomfortable and out of place on her chest-

[Licht] Turns red before wrapping herself with the towel- If you want the water to be warmer, just turn it farther to the left

[EAlex] How curious... Warm sounds good. - she drops her pants and Licht gets a good view of her shapely rear as she climbs into the tub and fumbles with the dial. It's obvious she's still pretty frail.

[Licht] Soaps and shampoos are behind you, I'm going to grab you a stool to sit on

[EAlex] Moves to put her clothes in the water as well- what's soap...?

[Licht] - It's something you use to clean yourself with. And just what are you doing with your clothes?

[EAlex] is it a scrubby thing like a sponge? And I was going to wash them

[Licht] - Give your clothes here, we have machines that clean your clothes, and you can use a sponge with soap

[EAlex] relinquishes the clothes- thank you Licht, I'll try to do it right. - she takes a glob of shampoo and stares at it for a moment  before using it to clean her armpits and underboob.

[Licht] - That's shampoo, it's for the hair on your head- She takes EAlex's clothes and throws them in the washing machine

[Doc] Buzzes her phone with a text- hey quick question Licht. Where can I acquire a fruitcake? I got the impression it's not socially acceptable amongst humans so I thought you might know a shady source.

[EAlex] Manages to wash her hair-

[Licht] Just states at her phone for a minute before responding- Most regular stores carry it around Christmas?

[Doc] oh! Okay. So it's not illegal or anything?

[Licht] - No, not at all

[Doc] Thanks Licht! (Smiley face emote) how's EAlex doing?

[Licht] - Just woke up and learning how a shower works

[Doc] Great! Let me know if you need anything!

-there's a great deal of steam coming from the bathroom now-

[Licht] Puts her phone down and pulls on a robe before returning to the bathroom- You doing okay?

[EAlex] has turned the water up to scalding for a human and is flopped in the bottom of the tub with a blissful expression, her knees up and slightly floaty boobs in the half full tub. - getting better...

[Licht] - I guess you're taking a bubble bath then

[EAlex] I've never seen bubbles not in a neat row. - she sweeps up the little bit of steaming foam-

[Licht] Shrugs- This is how bubbles usually are- She's watching the water level carefully

[EAlex] never had nice hot water without a fire under it- her hair is floating as the tub is almost full - sorry to startle.

[Licht] Turns off the water so the run doesn't overflow- It's alright, just, try not to go into a room where somebody is naked without them knowing, okay?

[EAlex] Genuinely confused - are you... Unsure about your body too? You're quite lovely.

[Licht] - It's just really not that socially acceptable of a thing

[EAlex] Not even for friends?

[Licht] - Very close friends yes, but not every friend

[EAlex] Sad little 'oh' and puts an arm across her chest self- consciously-

[Licht] Hasn't really been looking at her- Is there anything you want right now? Some food maybe?

[EAlex] Licht... Is there a way we could be... Better friends?

[Licht] - Time is usually the best thing for that

[EAlex] Then I will be patient- she sinks low in the tub - I don't need anything more right now... thank you.

[Licht] - Alright, I'll leave a robe for you outside the door when you're ready

[Endrea] Is keeping an eye on Ashe as he starts to work on his house. After talking with CP, the brine helped him get a block of dirt up high above Lie's house so he could start-

[Celine] Flaps by and does some lazy circles to get a better look- Whatcha doin?

[Endrea] - Just keeping an eye on Ashe, he's making a place for himself

[Celine] Lands near her and ducks her head like a curious bird looking under the floating blocks- How does it stay up there???

[Endrea] - Because gravity does not effect most things here

[Celine] Oh... Why doesn't he find a nice cave? Someplace drier?

[Endrea] - Because he's building himself a house, and we are End dragons, we usually live much higher up

[Celine] Okay... - she scuffs her feet a little. - I'm not sure what kind of dragon I am.

[Endrea] - Well, most of the ones we rescued were End dragons, but I think there may have been a few Nether dragons in there as well...

[Celine] What's a Nether? Isn't that like a back end of something?

[End] - The Nether is a realm of fire and death.  It's where Winston resided, you know, the large black skeleton who helps my master?

[Celine] Sounds grim... And oh! I know him. He's super polite!

[Endrea] - Yes.  So what have you been up to little one?

[Celine] Wilts a little - being too big... I can't fit in masters house anymore...

[Endrea] - You should go visit Doc then, they can make you a smaller form like my children have

[Celine] Wide eyes- Does it hurt? Being squished all small?

[Endrea] - No, it doesn't

[Celine] Skitters around a little, she's both excited and unsure.

[Endrea] - Would you like me to go with you?

[Celine] Maybe....?

[Lie] Steps out with Aether, she's got the baby against her chest, snuggled there with the sash she was given so she can work in the green house-

[Celine] Eyes turn to Lie and she makes a little suprised gasp. She skitters sideways down the wall like a bat - Lie! What is that???

[Lie] - Oh, hello Celine, this is my baby, Aether

[Celine] Aether is tiny! So tiny! Is this what you were making?

[MB] Comes up the path, just floating lazily with his hands in his pockets-

[Lie] - Yeah, she is.  Well, CP helped make her too

[Celine] Excited squee and then sees MB- Master! Lie has a baby!

[Mb] Mmmh? Lemmie see.

[Lie] Turns a little so MB can see better-

[Aether] Is just looking at what she can see, mostly colors and shapes-

[Mb] Shiiit.... did you fuck Stevie? Cp must be furious. Kids got the brothers eyes.

[Celine] I think they're pretty.

[Lie] - Yes she has her brother's eyes, but her glow is starting to come in

[CP] Comes outside, having heard MB- HEY FUCKER

[Mb] Whoops. - He snickers impishly-

[Celine] At Cp- You said a bad word.

[Lie] Just sighs and bounces Aether a little-

[CP] Lunges for MB-

[Mb] Wild grin as he grapples with Cp- Not my fault if your bro diddled your wife!

[Celine] Protecting Lie and the baby from the fighting brines- Master!

[CP] - HE DID NOT!

[Lie] Watches as CP fights- It's alright Celine, sometimes they just need to fight

[Doc] Wanders up carrying a basket- hey Celine. You got big didn't you?

[Celine] surprised squeak!

[Doc] hehe. Looks like a play date is happening.

[Mb] Still trading blows with Cp. he's obviously delighted at the moment

[Lie] - Hey Doc, and yes, it is

[CP] Is already on fire-

[Mb] Is multiplying so he can keep Cp occupied with targets and make him even more annoyed. - Yes! Yes! Yes!

[Celine] Master! Be careful!

[Doc] Steps sideways to avoid a small splash of blood. - Yikes...

[Lie] - Celine it's alright, they need the practice

[Celine] Pouts and worries, she flips her tail in annoyance and it gets stuck in the wooden fence around the honesty blossoms- Noooo!

[Aether] Is starting to get upset over Celine being upset-

[Lie] - Calm down Celine, if you struggle you may hurt yourself.  Take a deep breath, calm down, and assess your situation

[Celine] Sniffles! She's wiggling her tail and the part that's stuck is the mace-like cube at the end.

[Doc] I'll get her loose, here, this is for you anyway- They hook the basket over two of Lie's fingers and go to free Celine's tail-

[Celine] Snuffles- I.... I smell fruit???

[Lie] Rubs Aether's back to calm her down and looks into the basket-

]CP] Essentially explodes-

-As she opens it the smell of fruit hits her like a slap in the face. It's a plant with broad leaves in yellow, orange and red-

[Doc] Pops Celine loose-

[Celine] Curls up a bit, licking her tail- nk' you.

[Lie] - Oh geez Doc, that is strong!  And my sense of smell is really sensitive right now...

[Doc] Comes back over- Does it smell bad to you? They're really not as sweet as they smell. It's some kind of fern made of fruit.... leather I guess?

[Lie] - It doesn't smell bad at all, just really strong.  I'm just really sensitive to smells right now, I can practically smell when Aether has a dirty diaper from across the house

[Doc] I can put it in the greenhouse? Or just take it away if it annoys you.

[Celine] Is inching her mouth toward one leaf-

[Lie] - How about behind the greenhouse, and do you want to try some Celine?

[Celine] Please?

[Lie] Plucks a leaf and offers it-

[Celine] Nips the tip and munches it into her beak like a parrot - mmmm....  weird!

[Notch] Comes outside with his phone at his ear and shrieks in suprise as a splatter of blood hits his shirt- what the hell???

[Lie] - Sorry Notch, it's aggression time

[Notch] Yells upward- Cp! You have a phone call!

[Doc] Come on guys, that's enough!

[Celine] Leaf munching!

[CP] - For fucks sake, NOW WHAT!?

[Mb] Uses the distraction to stab Cp-

[Notch] Yikes!

[CP] Stabs him right back-

[Celine] Master!

[Doc] Do I have to seperate you two?

[Lie] - They should be about done...

[Aether] Is being fussy again-

[Mb] Grins- Phone for you.

[Notch] Nervously speaking into the phone-

[Doc] Who is it anyway?

[Notch] Waves his hand in a shushing motion. Classic parent for 'I'm on the phone! Dammit!!!'

[CP] - I'm pretty sure I know who it is...- Lunges at MB again

[Mb] Is throttled mercilessly-

[Doc] Come on, that's enough, you're gonna make Celine cry again-

[Celine] M-m-m-aster! -sniff snuffle

[Lie] - Think of it this way Celine, they're practicing to help protect the seed, each new thing they learn helps us, but they have to keep their old ones sharp too

[CP] Punts MB into the ground-

[Celine] Runs awkwardly too him and scoops him up in her claws- NNGGH!  - she turns her head and blows a small cloud of very noxious green smoke right in Cp's face- WEHHH!

[Mb] Heh... good one...

[CP] - Oh calm down he's fine

[Celine] bit-o-pout.