#sub!seokjin

[borathae]

↳ Index [Day 06 - Medical Play]

Pairing: Bratty Good Boy!Seokjin x Hard Domme!Reader

Genre: established relationship!AU

Kinks: Doctor & patient role play, brat taming, use of a stethoscope, examination play, anal play, use of a thermostate, use of a prostate vibrator, prostate milking, thigh fucking, impact play with a leather paddle, masochist!Seokjin, subby boy tears, overstimulation, thigh fucking, hips guiding, pissing from too much stimulation, multiple orgasms (m.receiving), he stands against a wall first then lies over her lap, he fakes being sick to get babyboy treatment by her, she finds out and punishes him, they talk about it at first though, cuddly aftercare with lots of praises

Wordcount: 6.8k

a/n: some of you just have such good ideas istfg *kisses anon's mind* this is so hOT JFAJSDFJ

With his schedule being tightly packed, your boyfriend has been practically missing from your life for more than two weeks at this point. You would be lying if you said that you didn't miss him. He leaves when you are still sleeping and comes home when you are already sleeping. It is a lonely life when he is busy. So when you got a call from Seokjin a few days ago, telling you that he would be coming home earlier, you felt delighted. It had been five days since that call and you painfully had to come to term with the fact that the reason for his earlier arrival was a nasty cold. Just like this, went your plans for some nice alone time with him.

You don’t mind caring for him because you wanted to see him better. He always cares for you as well when you are sick or on your period, so you aren’t grumpy about this. You are grumpy because he is the whiniest baby in the history of sick people.

Ever since he came home, he has been complaining about his aching head and stuffy nose non-stop. He even begged you not to leave him, which lead to you calling your workplace to tell them you had to take some time off for nursing-care. A mistake, you later realised. Seokjin acted like a complete baby, whining and asking you to do the most ridiculous things for him. One time you even had to help him pee, as he was too weak to hold Seokjin Junior (his words not yours). 

Eventhough reluctantly, you still did everything he asked of you. He was sick after all and given the many times Seokjin took care of you when your period cramps became unbearable, it was only fair to do the same for him.

That is until Friday came. You had been out shopping for groceries and some dearly needed toiletries when you spotted Seokjin running along the Han River. He looked perfectly healthy, mouth-watering even if you wouldn’t have been that angry. Despite your annoyance, you didn’t say anything to him when you came home. He looked terrible when you came running into his bedroom, his eyes hollow and his skin as pale as his walls. Maybe you had mistaken him for a stranger? 

You hadn’t. So Jimin accidentally dropped the bomb to you today, Saturday, one day after you saw your sick boyfriend running along Han River. Apparently he and Jimin met up for a quick jog and chat. You thanked Jimin for telling you the truth and ended the call.

“When I catch you, Kim Seokjin”, you mumble, stirring the soup for your oh-so-sick boyfriend with the biggest frown on your face.

“Babyyy, please save me”, you suddenly hear him shout from his bedroom. He sounds actually hurt and like the caring girlfriend you are, you waste no time to rush to him as quickly as possible, leaving the steaming soup on the kitchen counter. 

“What happened? Are you okay?” you ask concerned. He has his eyebrows furrowed and a pained expression on his face.

“No I’m not. My pillow is too hot, can you please turn it for me?” he whines. 

You sigh loudly, nope, he is just his annoying lazy self. You clench your jaw, your desire to whack his butt with the soft pillow growing in your stomach.

“You’re disrupting my cooking for this? I was making soup for you. Couldn’t you have turned it yourself?” you ask with crossed arms.

Seokjin shakes his head, wincing in pain afterwards as if the small gesture was too much for him.

“No, my arms are too weak”, he whines looking at you with big puppy eyes. Oh, how you wanted to wipe the pout off of his face. “Please baby help me, I’m so uncomfortable”, he whines even more miserably when you show no signs of moving.

You let out an annoyed sigh before walking to his bedside and pulling the pillow from below his head, making him fall onto the mattress. He groans in pain, rubbing the back of his neck, which hadn’t been ready for the sudden movement before looking up at you with big eyes. You don’t break eye contact with him, your jaw clenched and your fingers clutching onto the white pillow until your knuckles turn white. You could throw the pillow at his head, just once, it would serve him right. You stop shaking it out for a moment, contemplating if you should do it or not. You decide against it, you weren’t raised like that. You still practically throw the pillow at Seokjin’s chest, not even caring how rough your movement was. 

“There. Enjoy it”, you growl, already turning around before Seokjin’s hand clutching onto your apron stops you.

“Baby, are you mad at me? You are acting weird ever since Friday”, he asks with worried eyes.

His question makes you stop and turn around

“I just find it weird that you are down with a cold for more than five days now, when normally you are running around healthy again after two days. Don’t you think it’s a little bit out of character?”

Let’s see if he gets the hint.

Seokjin glances sideways for a moment before he looks back at you. He shrugs his shoulders, leaning back into his pillow.

“It’s because of the AC on the airplane. It made everything so much worse”, he fake coughs, “See? My lungs are practically oozing out of me.”

You grimace at his use of words, making a sound of disgust, “that was rancid.”

Seokjin coughs again, harder than before. You have to give it to him, this man knows how to act.

“I, know, it’s, so, bad”, he chokes out between coughs.

It’s getting ridiculous at this point. You roll your eyes at him before turning your back to him.

“Sure keep telling yourself that”, you grumble before walking out of his bedroom and returning to your task of serving him his highly-requested soup. “You know, I talked to Jimin on the phone.”

“Wha-”

You close the door. You know for a fact that he understood what you were implying. You hope that he boils in his soup of guilt just as wildly as the vegetables in his stupid food do.

You return to him with a bowl of said soup and a glass of orange juice on a wooden tray. Seokjin is sitting on the edge of the bed, head lowered in shame.

“I’m sorry”, he murmurs.

“For what?” you ask him because you want to hear him admit it. You walk to the bed, putting the tray on the bedside table. You straighten up, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“I lied to you. I haven’t felt sick since yesterday.”

“I know. I saw you run along Han River.”

“You did?!” he gawks up at you with widened eyes.

“I did. But then I came home to you looking like a pale ghost so I thought that I was mistaken. Until Jimin accidentally dropped the truth. I’m disappointed in you, Seokjin. Why are you lying to me? I took days off work to take care of you and you take advantage of me.”

“It’s not that. I have good reasons why I’m still pretending.”

“They must be mighty good reasons because I don’t see any appeal in making your partner dedicate their entire day to health care when it’s not even necessary.”

“I felt good yesterday and, and I took that run with Jimin and I wanted to tell you when you were home, but then on my way home I tripped on the sidewalk and twisted my ankle and now it hurts and I feel shitty again.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah seriously. Look”, he pulls the pants leg up, showing you his slightly swollen ankle.

“Oh my god Seokjin, are you okay? That doesn’t look healthy.”

“I can move it”, he demonstrates it with a hiss of pain, “it’s just twisted and my pride is broken. And I need you to take care of me because I’m just an infant in pain.”

You laugh, picking up his pillow to slap his chest with it.

“Shut up you idiot. Only you can manage to get healthy only to blow it by twisting your ankle.”

“I know, I’m stupid and I’m sorry”, he takes your hands, pulling you onto his lap like this. “I shouldn’t have lied. I thought if I kept quiet, I can heal without having to admit my stupid accident. If I knew that you saw me, I would have confessed. I’m sorry.”

You give up with a sigh, “apology accepted I guess. I still think you’re an idiot.”

“I know, that’s your right.”

You snicker, he smiles at the sound of it, rubbing your thighs innocently. You look into his eyes, heart fluttering. With another sigh of defeat, you swing your legs over his lap so you were facing him. His hands touch your lower back, you play with his messy hair.

“I missed you lately, you know?” you tell him.

“I missed you too. Maybe that’s why I don’t wanna get healthy either. If I’m healthy, I gotta leave you for work. I don’t want that.”

“Yeah, I get that”, you say, leaning in to kiss his cheek. He chases the affection, squeezing your butt.

“Hey, hands off.”

“Oop, sorry”, he gasps, pulling them away.

You click your tongue, giving his chest a soft slap.

“Only good boys get to touch my butt. You’ve been a naughty boy, so no butt or boobs for you.”

He pouts.

“Pout all you want. That’s what you get”, you say and get off his lap.

Seokjin drops into the pillow with a loud groan, rolling his head to the side.

“You’re both making me horny and breaking my heart.”

You chuckle, “good. The soup’s on the table, eat it while it’s still warm.”

“Wait.” He sits up. “Can’t you feed me?”

“You’re alright.”

“No, I’m not. I’m a weak boy”, he pouts cutely, “please?”

“Fine. You big baby.”

You sit down on the edge of his bed and take the silver spoon between your fingers. Seokjin opens his mouth as widely as possible when you come close to him with a filled spoon. Once inside he closes it, pouting out his lips whilst looking at you through his lashes.

“Wow baby, the soup is amazing”, he gasps, grinning at you. 

“Thanks”, you mumble, eyes glued to his lips.

“More”, he tells you already opening his mouth for you. 

Look at his ready mouth, his pink lips wet from him licking them and his eyes looking at you expectantly. A dark thought flashes through your mind. Oh how you would love to see that face in any other situation than him begging for soup. Like him begging for release, all sweaty and sticky from the lube tripping onto the carpet out of his beautiful ass, his hands folded on his thighs as he is kneeling on the floor, all whilst pretty flocking marks spread all over his skin. It would serve him right for lying to you.

Being lost in your own little fantasy, you don’t even notice your hand had moved on its own until you can hear Seokjin yell out in pain.

“Please blow on it, it’s too hot”, he says eyeing the soup in pain.

“You are a huge baby you know that? Can’t you blow on it yourself?” you whine, still fulfilling his wish.

Seokjin shakes his head, “it’s so much better if you do it. You are so much more skilled with blowing stuff”, he says, his lips twitching up into a small smirk.

You stop blowing. He wiggles his brows.

“Urgh shut up, your flirts are not gonna work on me.”

“I think they are.”

“No, they’re not.” You shove the soup into his mouth. “Shut up and eat your soup.”

Seokjin mewls, looking into your eyes as deeply as possible. You gulp. Look at him. His eyes beg you silently to keep the spoon inside. His lips engulf the metal shaft. They look so plumb, so pink and soft, oh how amazing they would probably feel sucking on your fingers.

You blink, quickly looking away. Your mind had wandered off again, god damnit. 

You pull your hand back and stand up, “I’m cleaning the kitchen.”

Seokjin nods his head, humming obediently.

It is a fair bit cooler in your living room than it was in your bedroom. Exactly what you needed right now. You let yourself fall down on your big couch and close your eyes. Why did your mind have to betray you like that? Yes, he was flirting but you thought of the nastiest of things. But then. Who could blame you? It has been too long since you have been intimate with him. The last two weeks he was never home and before that, he was too busy with practicing and recording new songs and far too tired for sex whenever he came home. It wasn’t a big deal to you at first, it’s not like you can’t survive without sex, but as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into a month, you slowly felt yourself grow desperate. Sure you still had your hands and a big collection of toys to keep you entertained. And oh boy, entertained you were. But you still missed the feeling of his hot skin pressed against yours, the feeling of his soft hands exploring your body and the feeling of his skilled tongue eating you out until you saw stars. 

And Seokjin, he for sure didn’t help at all. Of course you were still a little frustrated with him, but to be honest right now you wanted nothing more than to jump his bones and ride him until both of you lose your ability to speak. Frustrated or not, you were horny and desperate to feel him again. So why not combine both of your current emotions and make it all the more exciting?

You smirk at your idea, jumping up from the sofa to run into your hobby room. You pull open the uppermost drawer of your dark wooden dresser, in which you store a big portion of your sex toy collection. With a few reaches into the drawer, everything you needed was laid out neatly in front of you. A pair of black stockings as well as a pair of red stockings, you will decide later which one would be more fitting. Next to them was a pair of your favourite latex gloves and a bottle of cherry lube, not your favourite but Seokjin has a thing for it so if it makes him happy you won’t complain, and last but not least, you put down a small bag of medical tools and a variety of toys.

With your tools being ready, now all you needed to do was to get ready yourself. You walk to your closet and open the left door, revealing a row full of costumes from a police officer uniform all the way to a doctor’s uniform. You and Seokjin have a slight thing for role plays. It might actually be a little obsession between you and him. Sometimes you both dress up, sometimes it’s just you and sometimes it’s just him.

Your fingers brush over the costume you were looking for, “there you are.”

It is a short, white nurse dress with a red cross on your left breast pocket and a matching hat. Exactly what you needed for the little idea you had in your mind. You slip into the costume and pull the red net stockings with lace on the top up your legs before slipping into red lacquer heels. You finish off your look with a deep red lip and take the big doctor's bag with your toys.

You knock on the bedroom door.

“Come in!” Seokjin calls out.

You slip inside the room. He is sitting up, playing a game on the TV. Now that you found out about his lie, he feels comfortable in doing what he wants.

“Hello there.”

“Hey baby, I finished the soup. It was so good. Thank you for cooking.”

“Seokjin, look at me.”

He obeys and gasps. His jaw goes slack, eyes drinking in every little inch of your body. He instantly presses pause on the game. You smirk at his expression pulling a little pose in front of him.

“I am here to care for you, patient Kim”, you say, your voice sultry.

“Baby!” he exclaims, throwing the control to the side, “what do you mean? Are you serious?”

You hum, putting your hand on one of his thighs. You can feel his muscles tense from your touch and watch his throat move as he gulps hard.

“I’m very serious and you very sick. I need to take care of you, don’t I?” you coo, fluttering your lashes at him.

“Are you…” he gulps and almost whimpers the words, “…gonna be rough with me ‘cause I lied?”

“Do you think that I should be rough with you?” you ask, masking your question for his consent this way.

He licks his lips, whispering a weak, “yeah.”

“Yes? Well if that’s so.” You give his cheek a little slap, making him moan and close his eyes. “I will choose my treatment accordingly.”

“Oh god”, he gets out, ears slowly turning red in giddiness.

You straighten up and place the bag on the bedside table.

“Turn off the TV, I want silence when I work.”

“Yes Miss Nurse.”

“It’s Doctor for you, understood?”

“Y-yes, Doctor ma’am. I’m sorry.”

“Good. Now that we have talked about that, can I care for you patient Kim?” you ask, taking out the pair of latex gloves.

He ogles them, gulping once again.  

“Yes please”, he begs, nodding his head vigorously.

“Good.” You take out a douche and lube, putting both on his lap. “You know what to do.”

Seokjin takes the tools and rolls out of bed. He limbs to the bathroom as quickly as his twisted ankle allows him.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna get it checked out?” you ask him.

“I have you, haven’t I?” he flirts and disappears in the bathroom.

You scoff, rolling your eyes, “he’s such a brat.” Afterwards you turn to your doctor’s bag, preparing the scene while Seokjin cleans out.

It isn’t long until Seokjin limps back to you. You study him while he is busy looking at what you laid out. He seems very excited already, eyes widening in anticipation. He is still in his PJs but brushed his hair. It’s very attractive that he made an effort.

“Okay, stop.” 

He obeys, waiting patiently for you. You let him wait for a little, circling him without touching him. He tries his very hardest not to follow you with his eyes, keeping his head as still as possible.

“Mhm.”

You are in front of him again, writing into your notepad. Seokjin tries to steal a glance but gets caught by you right away. He fixes his head, gulping nervously.

“Hm.” 

More writing. He shifts from one foot to the other, flexing and relaxing his hands. He can’t bear the silence and the unknown. 

“Mh-hm.” 

You finally finish writing by slamming your pen down on the paper to make an aggressiv dot. You did it on purpose, of course, to make Seokjin jump a little. He is so adorable when he startles. 

You place the notepad into your chest pocket and turn to get your first tool. Seokjin might need to say something. He can’t handle the silence. It’s riling him up way too much.

With your back still turned to him, you finally break the silence. 

“Get naked. My examination requires nudity.” 

He follows your orders gladly. Finally. Oh, he is so happy. Finally something is happening. He swears that his cock is already getting harder just from the thrill of doing something.

He stands with his head held high once he is undressed, only his red ears and flushed chest are indicators of his shyness upon being looked at in such a state. He is breathing heavily, nipples erect and cock just hardened enough to look tempting. Not that his cock looks any less tempting when soft. He has the prettiest cock ever.

“Look at you”, you murmur, feeling delirious in need for a moment. It has been too long since you last saw him like this. You missed him and if you weren’t currently lost in a roleplay, you would tell him so. “Your body is very pleasing to look at.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Quiet. I need absolute silence when I work.” 

Seokjin mewls softly, biting down on his lower lip. The inner corners of his eyebrow lift as he gives you the sweetest puppy eyes. You ignore them of course, despite wanting to squish his cheeks and kiss every single inch of his handsome face. You cannot give in.  

You roll your shoulders back and clear your throat.

“Well then, sit down.” 

Seokjin obeys. His back is perfectly straight, his hands are presented on his thighs with his palms up. He looks up at you, eyes still so perfectly cute and lips parted slightly. You let him, but do nothing about it. Your heart is secretly racing however and your mind keeps racing with thoughts of how cute he is. 

You pick up the stethoscope and put it into your ears. 

“Stay still and quiet.”

He nods his head in obedience, holding his breath as you listen to his pulse. You feel tingly. His heart is racing so much. You touch his shoulder, taking in how his pulse flutters and then beats even faster. 

“Mhm I see”, you murmur and put the stethoscope on his back. Like this, your breasts are mere inches away from his face and judging by the sharp intake of breathe, he is aware of that. “Breathe in for me.” 

Seokjinobeys. His breath fills his lungs. His heart races. 

“Breathe out.”

The air leaves him again, but his racingheart remains.

“One more time. In”, you rasp, stepping closer so your breasts would brush against his face.

He obeys your order, but does it very shakily, thighs squeezing together. Through the fabric of your dress you can feel his lips mouth at your breasts and as you glance down, you notice his eyes fell closed.

“Hold it in.”

He obeys while you look at him. He is so handsome when he is lost in you. You shake your head to get rid of your feelings. Do not give in to temptations.

“Breathe out.”

He obeys, hot breath swirling over your clothed chest. It feels so warm and nice. Do not give in to temptations.

“Good”, you say and step back, leaving him to gasp as his heaven gets taken away.

His reaction was definitely worth staying stronger than the temptations. He is so adorable when he realises how easily you can take away his heaven.

“My assumptions were sadly correct”, you say as you write into your notepad.

Seokjin looks at you nervously and beyond turned on.

“You are officially suffering with brattiness. It’s a very serious illness, but don’t worry. I can heal it very easily.”

He mewls, biting his lower lip.

“I will have to make one more examination however to determine the correct treatment”, you say and shove the notepad into your chest pocket.

You place the stethoscope aside and round the bed to look for your next tool. You act as if you can’t find it because you know that Seokjin gets desperate between long waits.

“What are you doing next?” he asks just as expected. He is so predictable. How wonderful.

“Next I will…hm…” you trail off as you look for your tool. “Mhmm…”

Seokjin shifts, trying to sneak a glance. He is such a delight.

“Ah there!”

He exhales shakily, squeezing his thighs together.

“There you are, little thing was hiding”, you say and pick up the thermostat.

Seokjin ogles it, straightening his back and gulping heavily in preparation. You walk back to him, heart fluttering when he tilts his head back and opens his mouth.

“Oh you sweet innocent boy”, you taunt him, closing his mouth with a press to his chin.

He furrows his brows in confusion, puffy lips pouting.

“That’s not how you take a brat’s temperature, you little thing”, you coo and boop his nose.

He gulps, cock twitching because of your words. It twitches again when you dance your gloved hand to his neck and down to his chest. With a gentle nudge, you make him fall into the sheets. He moans loudly, legs hanging off the edge and cock twitching between them.

You inspect him for a moment, let him get desperate again. There is two ways you could go about this. Using the thin neck of the thermostat to sound his cock or stick it up his ass. He would most definitely lose his sanity with both options. The deciding factor is your own greed for seeing him with his legs up. You hook your hands under his knees and lift them, bending them so you can press them into the sheets on each side of his body.

Seokjin moans, gripping his own thighs instantly so he can stay in position.

“You’re getting an idea, aren’t you?” you ask him, preparing the thermostat.

“Yes, Doctor”, he breathes, eyes gawking at the ceiling nervously.

“You know, this isn’t how I normally take my patient’s temperature, but I make exceptions for bratty boys”, you say, wiping the access lube on the laid out towel. You don’t want to put it on his hole because he is supposed to take the thermostat raw. Just the lube on the shaft should make it easier for him. He deserves a little pinch.

You put your left hand on his lower stomach and apply pressure, thrusting the thermostat into his hole at the same time.

“Ah!” Seokjin flinches, toes curling and head lifting off the sheets. His neck is tense and his eyes are widened.

You wiggle the thermostat inside him for a little, rubbing circles into his stomach.

“God hmmm”, he lets out, dimpling his thighs.

“Almost done, I just need to angle it properly otherwise the results could be flawed”, you explain and slide it out just to thrust it back inside again.

Seokjin drops his head, but arches his back. He is so sexy, eliciting a chuckle from you.

“This is such a thin tool and yet you are arching your back. I should put your eagerness for anal stimulation into my notes.”

“Fuck”, he curses under his breath, tensing up in an attempt to come off as uninterested.

You chuckle, shifting your eyes to the thermostat. You press on the button.

“Now we have to wait.”

Seokjin breathes quickly, biting his lower lip. You let him agonise in the silence at first before you break it with a question.

“It is eagerness, isn’t it?”

He nods his head.

“What was that?”

“Yes”, he croaks.

“Yes? So you’re a brat and, forgive my wording, an anal whore?”

“Yes”, he mewls, tensing his neck as your words sink into the deepest fibers of his body. The way you degrade him will always ruin him. You don’t do it so obvious and straight forward like others do, you hide it behind a sweet voice and tender words. You make it sound as if you were being kind to him while in reality you called him the most degrading things. Seokjin swears he could orgasm just from that.

The thermostat beeps.

“Oh? Already done?” you gasp and pull it out quickly, ignoring the needy mewl he lets out. You step back, inspecting the result for a while so he can get impatient again. He shifts, lifting his head. Got him. You smirk, reading the results out loud, “thirty eight point three. Your temperature is a little raised, but I’m sure it’s because of our, well, current situation.” 

You obviously made up the result. He has a very  healthy temperature right now.

“Holy fucking shit, ___”, he gets out breathily, dropping his head into the sheets in utter defeat.

“I’m sorry? What did you just call me?” you hiss.

“Doctor!”

“No no, I think you were being a rude brat again. How fucking dare you.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s a little too late for that. You are a lost cause, patient Kim. I thought that I could heal you with natural medicine, but it seems that you need stronger drugs to get good again.”

You walk back to your tools. Wait. Seokjin shows his impatience by dropping his legs so he could crane his neck and look. When all he meets are your darkened, knowing eyes, he tenses up and looks away, gulping nervously.

You sigh, “how disappointing”, you say quietly but loud enough that he can hear.

Seokjin keens, biting down on his lower lip. He doesn’t dare to move, listening to the clicking of your heels as you round the bed again. Whatever you are carrying is going to go inside or on his body, but he doesn’t dare to move.

“You know, I don’t like using such methods to treat my patients, so this is very difficult for me to do”, you talk to him as you prepare the anal plug. 

It is curved and vibrates and it will give him the most delicious prostate stimulations ever.

“I’ll be good, I swear”, Seokjin croaks.

“Of course you will be. Once I’m finished with you”, you say, pushing the plug inside without warning.

“Ah!” Seokjin yelps, closing his legs instinctively.

“Nuh-uh, take it”, you force them apart again, wiggling the toy deep inside him.

“Ahmmmmm”, Seokjin lets out, twisting his own hair. He expected something to go up his ass, but not his favourite vibrator. Anything but this. It feels so good and it isn’t even turned on yet. 

A faint click lets him know that you connected the bluetooth with the remote. He lifts his head, having to still his impatience. You aren’t holding the control, instead a leather paddle is tangling from your finger. You meet his eyes, keeping him captive with nothing but a playful smirk. 

“Fifteen spanks. That’s all you need to bear and then you should be cured.” 

Seokjin gulps, clenching around the toy. He is already dizzy and you haven’t even started yet. 

“It will hurt me more than it will hurt you. I hate having to cure boys like this, but your case of bratiness is too strong. It can only be healed like this.” 

“Please”, Seokjin croaks, eyes widened pleadingly. 

You twirl the paddle. 

“Stand up.” 

Seokjin obeys instantly, chest heaving up and down quickly and eyes following you as you come closer. 

You connect the paddle with his chest, guiding it over his skin as you round him. Goosebumps follow the touch, he is chasing you with tenses of his muscles. 

“Can you stand?” you ask him and the sound of your voice is enough to let him know that you are being serious right now. 

“It doesn’t hurt right now.”

“Good. Tell me if it starts to.”

“Okay.”

“Now”, you give his buttocks a gentle spank to pull him back into the scene.

He gasps, tensing his buttocks. 

“Against the wall and put your hands up.”

Seokjin obeys, barely breathing. This is so exciting to him. And so incredibly hot. 

“Legs further apart”, you order, spanking his inner thighs gently.

He obeys, fingers twitching on the wall. He is in a dream. You literally own him. 

“Very good. We can begin.”

The vibrator springs to life, dragging a yelp of pleasure from his lips. He throws his head back, knees buckling and buckling again as you land your first spank before he could even recover from the surprise. 

“One.” 

The second spank knocks him into the wall. Not because you were so rough with it, but rather because Seokjin is weakened. His legs are shaking because of the toy. It feels so good, pressing right against his prostate and stimulating his rim as well. You chose his favourite setting. Everything about the toy is currently ruining him and then you come along and spank him. Of course he ends up falling against the wall. He can only handle that much. 

You care rather little about his struggles, lifting your arm for yet another spank. You count loudly, striking his tender skin at the same time. His left buttocks jiggles and reddens. You give him no break, landing the forth strike on his right buttocks to even it out. 

“Mistress”, Seokjin whimpers, clawing at the wall as he tries to drag himself up. His cheek is squished against it, eyes squeezed shut. 

“I appreciate the manners, but that’s not what I told you to call me. Two more spanks are needed. Five, six.”

He flinches with each impact, legs shaking and cock throbbing. It is rubbing against the wall, leaving wet imprints of his pleasure. He can’t help himself. The vibrator feels so good on his prostate that he keeps leaking. 

“Seven”, you make it sting especially well by striking him across both buttocks. The impact pushes the toy deeper. 

“A-ah wait”, Seokjin stumbles, convulsing. He reaches behind himself, “hurts. Ankle hurts.”

You stop the vibrator, letting the paddle tangle on your wrist for now. You hold his waist.

“Sit down, baby. Careful, okay?” 

“I’m okay, just felt my ankle pinch.”

“That’s alright. Just sit down and get comfy.”

He does so with a hiss, shifting and wiggling as the toy presses deeper into him. 

“Oh god”, he gets out, pressing his hand to his lower stomach. He rolls his eyes back, folding himself in half. “Doctor I can’t. More please.”

You chuckle, relaxing. What a relief to see him so desperate for more. 

“I think the question of if you wanna continue is useless?”

“Please Doctor, I’ll do anything. Please.” 

“Fine. You still have eight spanks left anyway. It wouldn’t be wise to stop in the middle of your treatment. Just know that I will find no pleasure in hurting you”, you say and sit down on bed next to him. 

Seokjin falls over your lap without having to be ordered to. He sticks his ass into the air, burying his face in the sheets. His eagerness melts you.

You chuckle, rubbing his heated butt.

“If you’re being such a good boy, I feel like I’m giving you the wrong treatment.” 

“No please. No, i-i-it’s only because it’s working. Please I need more, it’s not enough you, you champignon.” 

“Champignon?” you chuckle. 

“Yes, that was an insult. The brattiness is coming back.”

You laugh. He is such a goof sometimes. 

“It seems like it does”, you play along, “very well then, more treatment is necessary”, you conclude and turn on the vibrator. 

Seokjin moans, cock twitching on your lap and thighs shaking. He is back in heaven. It is so intense, so electric, so warm. The vibrations ebb and rise in intensity, making it feel as if you were moving the toy in and out of him.

“Where were we?” 

“Seven”, he croaks

“Ah yeah and what comes after that?”

“Eight-ah!”

“Good job. Oh that felt good. I can really leave an imprint in this position. Nine.”

Seokjin can feel it as well that you are having a lot more impact in your spanks. They burn, hitting him sharply. No words can describe how much he needed that. He twists the sheets, arching his back. 

“Ten.” 

Pain. So sharp. So deep. So good. Seokjin trembles on your lap, toes curling and cock leaking uncontrollably. As a matter of fact, he managed to smear your thighs with so much of his excitement that his cock manages to slip between them. 

He feels it instantly, spilling tears and sobbing your name. 

“Wrong name. You’ve brought the next two on yourself”, you say and strike him with such vigour it echoes for a second. 

Seokjin takes them happily, fucking his sensitive cock with your thighs as his prostate throbs and his ass burns. 

You noticed his cock between your thighs as well. Of course you did. It is so hard and wet. You should stop him, but you don’t want to. He looks so good when he is humping you like a stupid puppy. Especially when he humps even harder each time you strike his reddened buttocks. 

You only have three more to go and you really want to make them count. The first you land on the lower area of his right buttocks. It’s especially sensitive, resulting in Seokjin to squeak and sob into the sheets.

“Don’t cry. It’s only for your best. You’re almost done, I promise.”

The second spank you land on his other buttock, wanting to make it equal. Seokjin twitches and writhes, fucking your thighs sloppily. There is no rhythm behind his movements, just utter and pure desperation. His noises let you know of it as well. He is squeaking so much. It is so honest, so utterly submissive and perfect. 

“Last one. I’ll make it hurt, I don’t want to, but I have to”, you say and lift the paddle. You aim it to the middle of his ass, across his flushed buttocks.

Seokjin takes it with a scream, orgasming against his will.

“I’m sorry”, he sobs into the mattress, shaking uncontrollably.

“Nono, don’t apologise. This is perfect”, you say and grab his hips to guide their movements. You force him to fuck your thighs quickly, despite the overstimulation that causes. 

Seokjin wails up, muffling himself a second later by biting the sheets. You speak of perfection while your hands torture him. You aren’t happy about his unwanted orgasm, you are happy that you can overstimulate him because of it. That you can force him to pound your creamed thighs and take the vibrations until he can’t help but squirt all over himself. 

He gags and cries, trying to flee you but you only press him tighter to your lap as you laugh menacingly. The floor gets dirty. You hear it. How wonderful. He is so big and strong and yet right now, he is the smallest and weakest person to have ever existed. And you did that. By spanking his ass to the point of bruising and overstimulating every single one of his pleasure spots, you reduced him to your little bitch. 

“Yellow, red, I don’t know, just no more please”, Seokjin begs after he finally stopped fucking squirting all over himself.

“Good boy”, you praise, releasing his hips. You turn off the toy and tug it out carefully, discarding it on the towel. 

Seokjin sits up and climbs on your lap, hugging you tightly.

“Oh you sweetie, come here you”, you say, hugging him back, “you did so well. I’m so proud of you.”

Seokjin whimpers, hiding away in the safety of your neck. His lips nib on it slowly, his breathing is shaky, but calms down the longer he is in your embrace. 

“That was pretty intense and you handled it so well. God, I’m so proud of you, sweetie. I have the best boy ever”, you praise him, playing with his hair. You have your left hand on his lower body, massaging whatever sensitive spot of his butt is exposed. It is hot to the touch. 

He chases your hand, which lets you know that he likes it. You still want to hear it from him.

“Is this nice for you?” 

“Yes, really.”

“Then I’ll keep doing this. My good boy, you took me so well. Was it good for you?”

He nods his head vigorously, “it was perfect. Everything was perfect. You are perfect.” 

You smile, hugging him closer. 

“This feels good to hear. I love you, Jinnie baby.”

“I love you too.” He kisses your shoulder. “So much, it’s insane”, he whispers, making your heart flutter. 

He lifts his head, meeting your love-filled eyes. He mirrors your state with flushed cheeks and puffy, bitten lips. 

“You look ruined”, you chuckle, wiping the tears from his lashes. 

“I am ruined. I pissed myself because you wouldn’t slow down.” 

“I know. That’s why I did it. You’re so pretty when you lose control over yourself.”

His ears turn red, his eyes can’t seem to meet yours anymore. You chuckle, rubbing his buttocks.

“Does your butt hurt lots?” 

“It’s definitely sore, but I don’t mind. You spanked me perfectly.” 

“I did?” 

“Yeah”, he hugs you, “I love being your sub, ___.” 

“Oh wow, you say the sweetest stuff, my baby”, you gasp and cradle him as tightly as possible, “my sweet sub, I love having you too.” 

Seokjin melts into you with a sigh, “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too.” 

“I’ll still be sick for the rest of the week.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Mhm, at least to the public. We have so much catching up to do.”

“I can get behind this plan”, you say in a smile.

“Good, then tomorrow you’re getting breakfast in bed.”

[yngles]

❝ [sloppy] ❞

↳ “how bts like to get fucked”

↳ boypussy!bts x reader

↳ dom!reader, sub!bts, (kinda) implied poly!ot7, reader isn’t gendered but has a dick, unprotected sex, vaginal penetration, squirting, dacryphilia, praise kink, degradation/slut shaming (consensual dw), breeding kink, daddy kink (r. receiving), pet play, mentions of bondage, lmk if i’m missing anything <3

↳ don’t know if anyone else fucks with bp bangtan… but i know i do!! also catboy yoongi is sooo hot to me - rory

❝ [kim seokjin] ¡! ❞

↳ seokjin will take you in any way you could think of. this man loves getting fucked more than anything in the world, so feel free to bend him over whenever you want. but he especially loves when you have him ride your cock, making him do all the work without you even lifting a finger. although jin is the #1 pillow princess, he can’t help but enjoy it when you punish him by making him seek his own pleasure without your help.

“what do you need, jinnie?” you can see how your words make him shiver from where he is sat in your lap. “please want your cock. i’ve been waiting for days!” his eyes are getting more teary the longer you make him wait. “i know you have been, sweetheart, i can feel you dripping through your panties.” he gasps, hips slightly shifting to gratify the pent up need radiating through his body. seokjin lets out small whines at the feeling of your cock rubbing against his clothed pussy. your hands come to rest on his hips to stop his movements, making him cry out, tears finally leaving his eyes as he pathetically pushes against your hands to let him move again. “if you want my cock, you can get it yourself.” once he hears your statement, jin is immediately scrambling to pull down both of your underwear and sliding down onto your dick. his slick walls easily suck you deeper as he rests his hands on your shoulders to help keep himself up right. he sits still for a moment, beautifully empaled of your cock, only to be startled back to reality when you place a sharp smack on his ass. “thought you wanted it bad, jinnie, what’s taking you so long?”

❝ [min yoongi] ¡! ❞

↳ yoongi likes it best when you take him from behind. holding himself up on his hands and knees, back arched as you pound in and out of his messy cunt. he loves it when you play into his fantasy, turning your little kitty into a bitch in heat. yoongi wants you to put a collar on him and place cute cat ears on his head, maybe even push a tail buttplug up his back hole. if he gets deep enough into his headspace he’ll start meowing, which makes you start fucking into him at a feral pace while you pump him full of your seed.

all that was heard throughout the dorm was the sound of skin on skin and the wet noise of slick being pushed out of yoongi’s hole. every time you hit his special spot, he would let out a string of meows which only encouraged you to fuck him harder. “does it feel good, kitty?” “meeoow~” was all he responded with, not being able to communicate with words once he got this far into his own head. “want me to fill you up with my pups? gonna knock you up just like you’ve been begging for, kitten.” your vulgar language causes the man’s arms to give out, making him fall face first into the mattress, the cat ears sliding further down into his disheveled hair. you reach your arm under his torso and force him to arch his back more, causing him to fuck your cock deeper into his soaking pussy. the wet sounds made by your ongoing thrusts cause yoongi to cry out, clenching around your dick as he gets closer to his climax. you groan at the feeling and finally fill him up, making him whine and cry as his greedy pussy sucks up every last drop.

❝ [jung hoseok] ¡! ❞

↳ hobi is a slut for seeing your face. any position where he can look at you while you fuck him will make him come very quickly. he loves when you put his legs over your shoulders while you fuck into him, the angle shooting pleasure straight to his core. he’s so loud in bed, unable to stop himself from screaming out when you hit the right spot inside him. he doesn’t even care if his members hear the noises he lets out, wanting them to know that he’s getting fucked by you so well.

“oh myyyy godd!!” hoseok’s screams reverberate around the room as you continue to piston into him at and incredible speed. each time you thrust into him his body goes flying against the headboard, legs flailing from where they are stationed around your shoulders. “that’s it, seok-ah. let everyone know how good i’m fucking you. bet they’re rubbing themselves to the sound of your moans.” your words have his legs trembling and his hands grasping at your arms, which are placed on his hips to keep him in place. “please! please i need it so bad!” hoseok cries out, the amount of cream caking at the base of your dick increasing after each thrust. “i’ll give you whatever you need, baby.” as you finish your sentence, he meets your eyes and you can feel the way he tightens at the intimate connection. your increasing speed causes immense pressure in his pussy, causing him to squirt around you. the liquid soaks both of your stomachs and makes the slide of your cock into his overstimulated pussy much smoother.

❝ [kim namjoon] ¡! ❞

↳ joon likes to get fucked laying on his bed with his legs wrapped around your waist. it’s so relaxing for him to have the ability to sit back and be taken care of. he enjoys you fucking him at a fast but gentle pace, relishing in the feeling of your cock sliding in and out of his walls. joon absolutely loves when you come inside of him but he doesn’t mind if you pull out and nut all over his thighs and tummy.

“taking me so well, joonie” “thank you, thank you- i love it so much. fucking me so good~” he replies, eyes struggling to focus on yours as you continue to thrust inside of him. “are you close, baby? i can feel you getting tighter around me.” your words makes his eyes roll back into his head and his mouth fall open in a silent moan. “gonna come! please can i come?” you lean down to suck on his neck as he keeps begging for release. you reach you hand between your two bodies, quickly rubbing his clit to bring him closer to the edge. “of course you can, baby. want you to come all over my cock.” at your words, he flings his head back against the pillows and allows the pleasure to overtake him. he releases his juices around you, soaking your hand and the bed sheets beneath you. “such a good boy, gonna come inside you now. i know you want it, baby.”

❝ [park jimin] ¡! ❞

↳ jimin really loves riding you, goes crazy at the thought of being able to take your dick however he wants. he especially likes reverse cowgirl, he loves twerking on your cock to hear you groan and give him a good slap on his cheeks. the sting only helps to keep him going, riding you harder once he knows that you are enjoying the view. another fan of creampies, he doesn’t like to let any of your come go to waste. if it slides out once you’re done with him, he’ll scoop it up with his fingers and shove it back inside.

jimin turns away from you, straddling your hips and lining himself up with your large cock. he is always excited when he’s able to take you inside him, no matter how long it’s been since it last happened. once he slides down to the hilt he looks back at you, only to find you staring straight at his butt. “i can never get enough of your fat ass, min. you always look so fucking good taking me.” you end your statement by gripping both of his asscheeks in your palms. jimin whines at once the possessive feeling of your hands on him disappears, leaning forward slightly and shaking his ass on your cock, listening to the sound of it clapping against your skin echo around the sweaty room. you groan at the sight and plant your feet against the bed, bucking your cock deep into jimin’s waiting pussy. he knows that by the end of the night he’ll be full of your seed and that satisfies him enough to let you set the pace, grasping the skin of your thighs in his small hands. “that’s it daddy, jiminie loves your dick so much.”

❝ [kim taehyung] ¡! ❞

↳ taehyung likes to be held while you’re having sex. whether that be you holding him tight to your chest while you gently thrust into him on the bed, or pining him against the wall as you claim his pussy for your own pleasure. as you go between the different scenarios, tae has his preferences of how he likes to be treated and addressed. if you’re slowly making love to him on your shared bed, he likes when you praise him and tell him how well he’s taking you. on the other hand, he loves when you call him a dirty whore when you are fucking him so fast he can barely comprehend what’s going on. as long as you give him proper aftercare, he’s happy.

“how do you want it tonight, taetae?” you gaze down at your sub from where he’s seated on the couch. “want to feel it. please.” he looks at you with puppy eyes and a pout that you would never be able to resist in a million years. “of course, jagiya. you know i’ll always give it to you however you want.” you lean down to scoop him into your arms, his legs automatically wrapping around your waist and his arms circling your neck. you carry him through the hallway, unable to focus on your steps as he sucks on your neck. you come to a stop outside his bedroom door, pushing him against the wall, unable to resist the urge to take him any longer. you shove your pants down and push his panties to the side, inserting your cock into his waiting hole and setting an overwhelming pace. taehyung throws his head back against the wall as you push into him and whisper dirty things into his ear. he comes alarmingly quick due to the amount of stimulation you were providing him with, you following shortly behind him, pulling out to come across his stomach. as you come down from your highs, you hear the door open down the hall and a voice ring out, “can we join next time?” you laugh at the request, knowing tonight is gonna be long for both you and taehyung.

❝ [jeon jungkook] ¡! ❞

↳ one of jungkook’s biggest kinks is bondage. he loves the feeling of being restricted and not having the ability to touch you. it makes him incredibly wet that you are able to do whatever you want to him and he can’t do anything to stop you. he likes when you tie his hands behind his back and fuck him doggy style, having to shove his face into the pillows to quite his screams. he also loves having you eat him out before fucking him because it gets him nice and ready to take your fat cock, but also it turns him on so much seeing you not be able to resist yourself when your face is shoved in his cunt.

“yes!! fuck me with your tongue! feels so good… i don’t know if i can wait any longer.” as soon as jungkook says that, you remove your face from his pussy, grabbing his hair to pull his back flush to your chest. “you’re not going to come until i’m fucking you with my cock. do you understand?” he immediately nods at your words, grinding his ass against your bulge as he tries to get you to put your dick in him. “words, guk.” “yes! yes! i understand! i promise i won’t come until you tell me to!” you let out a satisfied groan at his words, shoving his legs apart to line your cock up with his entrance. as you push in, jungkook can’t help but scream into the sheets beneath him, the pleasure in his core building up as you bottom out.

[joonlaksme]

October 25th

Kim Seokjin x Mirrors

Contains: toy used, unprotected sex, semi-public, afab reader

Word Count: 2.1k+

Kinktober Masterlist

-

“Kim Seokjin. This must be one of the worst ideas you’ve ever had.” You can’t lie, you are a bit angry. Seokjin proposed this “genius” idea—his words not yours—for something the both of you can do at the upcoming fair. You can’t possibly think of something fun to do at this time of day at a glorified amusement park. Get in trouble for trespassing, maybe?

Why were you angry? Well for one, it’s the middle of November and you’re freezing your ass off. You hadn’t expected his genius idea to involve going outdoors. You thought with the way he was looking at you, he wanted to eat you out or something. Not tread ten minutes in the cold and hop a fence. Two, he’s leading you into the fair at 5 in the morning, a whole 5 hours before it opens up. He’s obviously not here to get dibs on some rides. The only reason why you’re not freaking out about getting caught for complete trespassing is because your boyfriend had taken a few days off at his job to work at the fair instead. He wanted to see what it was like, being surrounded by crying children, “lost items”, and cocky couples. His words, not yours.

You told him it was a terrible idea but gave in at the hint of free fair food. Yum, free fried food that you could possibly get food poisoning from. You were in.

The smell of something fried in dough was in the air from the day before. Even as you looked around, you caught glimpses of janitors cleaning up the discarded trash. They didn’t seem to care about the two of you. You met eyes with one of them but they just gave you a brief smile and continued sweeping cracked concrete.

Jin is holding your arm by your wrist, eyes lit up like a child showing their mother their favorite ride. He’s looking straight at the lights that just turned on all around a ferris wheel. It was a little cute but you refused to back down because of a couple of cute things your boyfriend did without even knowing he did them. Sure, he was gorgeous but that wouldn’t suddenly revive you and give you the energy you’ve been craving to catch up on. Recent work days were 9 to 7 and the rest of the day was filled with cooking and sleeping. You barely had time to binge watch your favorite shows. Even if you tried, you’d be asleep by episode 2. Sometimes you’d wake up in the arms of your boyfriend, lifting you up from the couch and carrying you to bed. He would lay you down gently, pulling the blanket over you right before getting in beside you and pulling your head against his chest. It was comfy and warm and days like those are when you sleep your best.

“You flatter me. You think my other ideas are good?” He grins, looking back at you.

That isn’t what you meant and he knew it but you’ve learned that he gets a kick out of teasing you. You’ve decided to just let it be when he says things like that. He usually isn’t looking for an answer, just the roll of your eyes satisfies him.

“Behold!” He shouted and you slapped his arm at his loud voice while it echoed in the empty area. He pouted, rubbing the spot you barely hit. “I wanted to show you this place. Isn’t it cool?”

You sighed and looked up, not surprised in the slightest for what Jin was showing you. Not a glimpse of excitement came to you and you sluggish read the words. In squiggly words that were decorated with polka dots and stripes were the words: Mazy’s Mirror Maze. Very creative. You looked at him and showed him an expression to describe what you were feeling. Absolutely underwhelmed.

“Yeah? It’s a mirror maze. What about it.” You mumbled.

Jin looked disappointed, wrapping his arm around your hip. You’re grateful for the warmth he adds on you, sinking into your skin. “Babe…you have no idea how fun this could be. A mirror maze. To ourselves?”

You’re not catching on so you pinch his sweater and tug at it, “Let’s just go back home. I’m tired and I have work at 12.”

Seokjin takes your hand into his. He lifts it to his face, pressing his lips on the knuckle. His eyes glaze over, begging you to let him stay longer. It seems he has hyped up his surprise too much in your opinion but you’re weak to those eyes. Damn those puppy eyes.

“Fine. Show me how fun this could be.” You wave at him with the back of your hand.

Then he’s pulling you into the maze. It’s full of normal mirrors at first but it seems like Jin knows where he’s going. Things look confusing and you’re looking at multiple copies of you and him. A couple lefts and rights and the lighting makes it hard to see, progressively getting darker the further you get in the maze. He doesn’t seem worried. You wince when there’s a sudden blast of light. You’ve entered this hallway, full of some mirrors that are normal and others that make you look odd. In some, you’re short and in others you’re lanky. You’re wavy in one and swirled in others. You’ve always wondered how these worked. All of the mirrors are lined with silver paint that seems to be chipping on the very edges.

“Okay. Now that we’ve gone through the maze, let’s go.” And you pull his arm to go to the door at the end of the hall labeled ‘EXIT’.

“Buh-We are not done here.”

And you’re suddenly in his arms. He’s pressed you against one of the straight normal mirrors. He’s purposefully pulled your body close to his so you can feel…

“How are you hard right now?” You ask incredulously.

He pecks your lips, “Have been for a while. You know why.”

And then your memory is jogged with the events earlier today. In a sleepy haze at twelve at night, he pulled you in and asked you if he should do something a little spicy. You mumbled under your breath, asking what he meant, and caught in your sight on something sparkly and the size of your hand. Your vision is blurred from the fight you have with your circadian rhythm. You tell him sure, why not, and drift off into slumber soon after. You swear you can hear his dragged out sighs as he shuffles around in bed. It annoys you but then he’s pressed against you and you can finally get some shut eye.

With you pressed on the mirror, Jin pulls his pants and underwear down in one go, not concerned for possible witnesses in the slightest. You gasp at what you see reflected in the mirror across the hall. There’s a pretty little plug right between Seokjin’s ass cheeks.

“Oh. Oh wow.” You add in, suddenly interested.

Nothing stops you from moving your arms around his body and grabbing handfuls of his ass. His eyes open wide, wanting more of your rough touch. He moves forward and tucks himself in your neck, a soft sigh peeking out of his lips. It’s when you press down on the plug that he’s twitching against your thigh and lets out this lovely moan.

“Can I- c-can we-“

You’ve noticed that Jin struggles to ask to have sex when he’s flustered. You find it cute and you’re overwhelmed with the desire to make him cum. Some part of you does want to wait to see if he can get the words out.

“Can you fuck me?” He finally gets out, body pushed against yours.

He’s needy, grinding against your thigh and gripping your hips hard. When you take a hold of his chin and pull him out from the corner of your neck, he’s faking this pout. His lips are down but it’s in a way that makes it look like he’s mocking you. You really want to wipe that look off his face.

You pull your pants and underwear down. You kick them away and stand with your hands on your hips. “You think you can hold me up?”

“I know I can.” His mood switches like a light. At one moment he’s a begging mess but the other, his head is way too big.

You pull your arms around his neck and jump up to wrap your legs around his hips. Your body is firmly pressed against the mirror when he leans forward and your ass feels cold on it. The feeling shocks you for a moment but you stop yourself from moving too much. One wrong move and you might topple over along with Seokjin.

He’s leaned against your chest, trying to look down and aim for where he wants to sink in you. You can’t help but laugh a bit when you notice him struggle. He’s frustrated, nose flared and face burning hot. Your laughter does nothing but mock him. It doesn’t help when you add:

“Is this the time you realize the hole is a little lower? It’s not that difficult, Jinnie.”

He whines, “It’s difficult because you’re too wet.”

Your legs cross behind his back, “Look at me, baby.” And he follows. You notice his eyes are watery and his pout is much more genuine this time. Good. You peck his lips and take hold of his cock, lips closed with a moan. You line it up for yourself, “Now, try.”

He pushes himself inside of you, not being able to help himself from letting out this most delectable moan. You groan with him at the sudden entrance. You swear he acts like he’d die without your pussy; It’s warm, tight, and so wet that he’s scared he might slip out. His thrusts are shallow and although he’s hitting the right spot, it’s just not doing it for you just yet. You notice by the way he’s heavily breathing that he’s turned on more than usual.

“Can I finger you when we get back home.” You whisper in his ear.

He reaches as deep as he can get before he’s pulling out from your neck, looking at you with his jaw dropped. “Can you not say stuff like that when I’m inside of you? Fuck…”

You moved one arm under his so it’s around his hip, the other arm still wrapped around his back to keep you stable. “Why? Were you about to cum? Does that mean you’ll say yes?”

He groans as he continues his shallow thrusts. Then you’re moving your hand down to his ass, pressed down on the butt plug. He stiffens and presses his forehead to yours. It’s sweaty but you don’t pull away. When he sinks all the way into you, he reaches deep and is caressing your sensitive walls. You’re clenching with purpose because although you know he won’t last long enough to make you cum, you still want him to feel good. You want his mind to be clear with nothing but pleasure.

“Shit-“ He’s twitching inside you, right on the edge. When you pushed down the butt plug constantly, it hit his prostate with such light pressure that it was constantly teasing him. When you do it again with that mischief filled grin, it’s over. He’s been turned on for 5 hours and it’s a surprise he didn’t cum as soon as he entered you (which happens sometimes and those are your favorite days. You end up coaxing another orgasm out of him when he’s much more sensitive). He couldn’t even fall asleep because he was so distracted by his boner. He was pressed against your plush ass as you slept tonight but it granted no relief because you slept like a rock, barely even moving.

He’s filling you up with the next shallow thrusts, eyesight full of static when he closes them. His consistent moans as he cums make you feel deeply satisfied. You kiss his cheek and rub his back while he comes down from his high, shaking in your arms.

“And what do you say?” You say through the silence once your clothes are back on. You feel cum already being caught by your underwear. Gross.

“You knew I wanted to make you—fuck you.” He pouts.

You should be shocked by his language. But frankly, you’re used to vulgarity and if anything, you should be the frustrated one. He pulled you out of your sleep to fuck in a mirror maze. Instead you mutter in a way that makes him barely hear: “Oh I will.”

When his brain clicks to what you mean, he flushes and it’s not just because of the waft of cold that hits the both of you once you leave through the exit.

-

All likes, reblogs, and comment feedback are appreciated for stories like this. Friendly reminder that reblogs spread more than likes!

All rights are reserved © joonlaksme

[helenazbmrskai]

Textbook Love (m) - KSJ

Title [Textbook Love] previously known as Mr Dream Writer!

Pairing [Best Friend’s Brother! Seokjin x Writer! Reader]

Genre [smut, angst, fluff, best friend’s brother AU, friends to lovers, slice of life]

Summary [Loving your best friend’s brother is forbidden so what is even more forbidden you might ask. It’s writing smut about him. Can you still remain friends after he discovers your secrets?]

Words [11,6k]

Warnings [sexual content: oral sex (f and m receiving), morning wood, sexual tension, subby jin, dom reader, teasing, blowjob, lots of kisses, jin comes in his pants, possessiveness, dirty talk, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie]

Rating [+18]

A/N: Hii! Some of you might know this story (it was a series previously) but I made it into a one-shot and finished it also made some changes in the plot. Now that Jinie is home I wanted to write something about him. Please enjoy!

Masterlist //

Kim Seokjin. Jin or Jinie shortened for friends and family. Your bestest friend’s older brother and your current roommate of five months, nine hours and – a brief look at your wristwatch – twenty minutes.

He’s tall with shoulders as wide as the ocean. Could take over the model industry at any moment. But also born with a heart of gold.

He’s like the warmest of summers, the orange hues of the sunset. Shines so bright in the darkness of the night sky that you’re afraid of getting hurt if you dare to approach him carelessly but if he’s the sun then you’re the moon. The opposite that, unfortunately – doesn’t attract.

If it wasn’t obvious from the intro you put together, remind you, to read this from the first page of your diary you’re here to spell this out. You have the biggest crush on Seokjin. Ever since he caught you three years ago when you almost fell off of the cruise boat on a family vacation while mindlessly looking at the water below. You could still remember how it felt to be inside his arms. How quick your heart raced not just because of the adrenalin but by being held by him. Your back was pressed against his chest and his fingers dug into your waist to keep both of your balance. His breath hit the shell of your ear when he asked in his sexy voice are you alright. Your heart was beating so fast for him. You swear at that exact moment his mom knew what you were thinking.

You childishly filled several notebooks with his name on every page with little pink hearts and his handsome face became a reoccurring figure in your dreams at night. It’s cliché to fall in love with your best friend’s brother and sadly it’s not how the romance novels you like to read portray it where you fall but he falls harder. No –

That daydream ending doesn’t come near you at all.

So you write your own books instead where you magically fall in love with Jin and he reciprocate your feelings.

Jin never had a girlfriend after he ended things with his last one three years ago. He mostly dealt with his heartbreak by the time you started developing your feelings for him but the timing never seemed to be right to tell him how you feel. It felt like you were longing for someone’s love and attention whose heart isn’t available yet.

You did not dare to speak up.

Sometimes you can’t help it. Hope flares in your heart. His intentions are pure but you can’t help but put more meaning behind it as you see fit. You could chat about your days during dinner and sometimes his thumb wipes some sauce from your lips and your heart flutters. He asks if you want to hang out with the boys at the bar and his hand is on the small of your back guiding you to the table between busybodies. You shiver from the cold wind at night on your way home from bowling with your friends and his jacket is neatly laid on your shoulders a moment later. Small details that probably mean nothing to him whilst it’s everything to you.

There are times when you could picture yourself next to him, holding his hand and kissing his lips. You try not to let your delusions surface often. It’s too draining mentally. Left with disappointment in the end when he goes on a date or brings someone home for the night. The illusion shatters.

The brightest light burns out the fastest as they say. One day you’re filled with hope other times reality comes to you like a trainwreck. Some things are not meant to be and it’s probably you and Jin. Blah. Blah. Blah. You could talk about this forever if you had the time.

You spend most days outlining your plot holed up in your room. Keyboard smashing as you fly over the estimated word count.

Who knew that unrequited love could give you so much inspiration?

Writing and editing until your eyes dry out and your nose bleeds are how masterpieces are created in your opinion.

Living between the pages of your book certainly feels better sometimes than real life. Caffeine and food are your new lover at least they can’t hurt your feelings. You can hear the front door open and close from a distance when the apartment is enveloped in complete silence. It’s midday. He’s usually nose-deep in his work by now. If not he helps old ladies to cross the street or save kittens that got stuck on high trees aka living the life of an angel. So what is he doing at home? You hear keys clinking and a heavy sigh followed by sluggish footsteps.

Your typing ceases as your fingers hover over your keyboard as you listen. Should you greet him? He could be having a hard day.

Seokjin’s a polite and friendly roommate as you got to know him. He treats you like a good little sister. You don’t like it but you don’t have the confidence to raise questions about it. He’s a homebody just like you but likes his hangouts every-now-and-then. He’s neat and domestic honestly, the best roommate you had so far. A popular restaurant owner downtown who is not only sought out because of his looks but also because of his excellent cuisine. His wide shoulders carry a lot of pressure to do well with his business.

He most likely comes home from visiting the bank. He decided recently that he wanted to make the place more modern and renovate the kitchen and interior. You heard that getting a loan seems to be a bit tricky. 

Your mouth waters at the sight of Jin’s broad shoulders in a fitting white t-shirt and some baggy pants. You like his day clothes but you like them especially when he goes casual showing true boyfriend material looks with soft hoodies and plain t-shirts. Even when he comes home smelling like food and sweat you find him attractive. His eye smile melts you into a puddle especially when he catches you making his favourite comfort food after a long day at work.

You ask him today if he needs it and he nods already feeling better after the mention of his favourite muffins. You shoo him out of the kitchen while you start preparing to make the butter and he goes to take a shower before he returns to your side. You don’t need to ask if he had a bad day.

”You always know what I need. It smells amazing Y/N. Can I get a taste?” You try to keep your composure when Seokjin throws his arms around your body engulfing you in a back hug that brings the scent of his body wash to waft into your nose. Your heart is beating loudly in your throat and you’re hoping that the sound doesn’t reach his ears with his chest tightly pressed to you and his chin lying on top of your head. You want to melt into him – melt into the lazy circles he leaves with his thumb on your hipbone absentmindedly but you don’t let yourself completely relax afraid if you show how much you like it you will be too obvious.

The tip of his nose kisses the side of your cheek as you slightly turn in his direction holding up your spoon for a taste just like he asked.

”Hmn. Tastes good.”

Your entire body freezes up when he moans into your ear (fucking moans) and your panties dampen by the sheer sinfulness of the sound. Fuck. He’s going to be the death of you.

”S-Set the table, will you?” You hope he doesn’t put two and two together by the tremor in your voice. You’re his baby sister’s best friend there’s no way he would look at you the same way as you are looking at him.

”Sure. Finish up buttercup.” He squeezes you for a moment longer before he lets you go and steps back. Laughing at his own joke. The cold air that rushes back now that his body heat is gone makes an involuntary shiver run down your spine. He doesn’t notice any of your odd reactions. Thankfully. Seokjin skips into the living room like normal carrying two plates with him and forks.

The muffins are almost done.

”My publisher is hellbent on making me write about love. I was thinking of showing how friendship is important in my next book. You know have a somewhat action-based fantasy story as the protagonists meet with strangers and become friends along the way while going through hardships together, something similar like that. I don’t want to write a cute love story when I haven’t got a real boyfriend in ages. I know it wouldn’t be genuine and I would hate to let my readers down.”

At first, you asked about how his day was going but somewhere along the way he asked about your visit to your publishing company today and you had to rent about it. Jin listens to you carefully even though he has his own problems to solve. You don’t try to dwell on it long since you want to comfort him instead.

You know how passionate he is about his job and how he loves cooking and now he’s placed in a tough situation. You don’t have the time to worry about your nonexistent love life.

”You could never let your readers down Y/N. They love your books.” You place your fork down and reach over to grasp his hand in yours impulsively but Jin doesn’t mind. You want to intertwine your fingers so badly with his but you hold back he’s not yours to hold. You hate to see him upset like this. The snack is long forgotten as you both stop eating.

”You can still do it.” You’re confused for only a second before Jin elaborates. One hand goes over his hair ruffling the locks and making a mess.

”You could always try and meet someone.” Okay. Ouch. It’s true but hearing it from him is even more painful than the normal jabs you get from your best friend regarding this matter.

”I don’t need a boyfriend to write about love.” Because I’m in love with you.

You don’t offer him much more after that and he lets it go after a while when he realises you won’t budge on the subject. This is not a topic that you want to discuss with him either.

You’re working on something but that’s not how you pay your bills. Simple romance doesn’t pay as much. It’s written porn you write to your secret fanbase that Jin doesn’t know about on a site. You have a secret job that only your best friend knows about. You write smut on the internet and you have plenty of followers who tip you generously for your thirst posts.

Your popularity is all thanks to the built-up sexual tension because you imagine Jin doing those things to you. It will never happen in real life so you write it down and give the guy a fake name. Simple as that. You started your blog to keep your fantasies in one place but people seemed to love your filthy ideas so you kept going under a fake name.

Once you both eat your fill of the sweets you carry the plates to the kitchen. Jin insists on washing the dishes since you baked so you just stand by the side. Jin hums a catchy tune whilst cleaning and rinsing the plates. You always liked listening to his voice. He could be a singer he said he might be in his next life and you both shared a laugh. It’s domestic talking and doing chores together around the house.

This is how everything has always been.

“Your back is arching one hand is placed on your left thigh firmly to keep you open as two thick fingers enter you. You moan and struggle as Jinie’s pillowy lips wrap around your clit his hum travels to your core as he tastes you.

You gush around his fingers that pump in and out of your puffy folds. You want to see him devour you so you keep yourself open with two of your fingers in a v shape. He licks you from top to bottom looking straight into your eyes. He removes his fingers in favour to circle his tongue around your hole and his nose gently rubs on your clit with each lick and swipe of his eager tongue.

”R-Right there. I’m cumming.” Your hands hold onto his hair pulling desperately at the strands when Jin reintroduces his two digits and his lips travel up to suck on your clit. If he keeps this up you’re going to cum on his face. His hips rut against the mattress and his moans add to the pleasure of his tongue mapping out your swollen and sensitive folds. You sound so hot. ”Jin. Jinie. Please don’t stop...” You pull him closer desperately clawing at his wide shoulders as you nearly suffocate him with your thighs. Close. So close. Need a moment and –“

”What are you doing?” You jump in your seat when you hear Seokjin call out to you. You look over your shoulder pausing your writing to take in his form leaning against your doorframe.

You shut your laptop in reflex when he steps closer to see you better, you don’t want him to see what you were up to. You’re self-conscious even if writing smut is not your literal job. You sit with your legs crossed wound up from your words and imagination. He had to show up right before you wrote the climax. You haven’t heard him knock either. Did you get so lost in your head that you did not hear him at all?

”Writing.” You answer ominously.

Jin hums and takes a seat at the edge of your bed close to your little station. He’s not suspecting you at all. You roll around with your chair and face your handsome roommate.

Usually, he doesn’t come and visit you at night. Jin likes to keep to himself when sad to not bring down anyone’s mood so you’re surprised he decided to seek you out. It manages to put you in a good mood. He trusts you enough to show you his vulnerable side.

He looks tired.

You yelp when he rolls you closer to him by grabbing the armrest of your chair his head lands on your meaty thighs so close to your core that it involuntarily throbs. It was just moments ago that you wrote about him feasting on your pussy and this position is not helping to calm down your racing heart.

Jin has no idea what he’s doing to you and you feel bad for ruining the moment with your dirty mind. He’s here to seek your comfort and you just think about yourself. You’re so selfish.

Your fingers card through his hair and he sighs in contentment. ”Can I sleep here tonight?” You almost didn’t catch the words that he murmured into your skin.

”You can.” Your voice is soft as if you’re afraid to disturb the moment. Jin holds you by the waist and buries his nose into your lower stomach. He’s been touch-starved and while he knows it’s not right to touch you like this he can’t help himself. He needs the comfort of your body after a long day. He longs to feel someone’s body heat next to him. You don’t push him away – you never do so he doesn’t stop even when he spoons you from behind lying on your bed listening to each other’s breathing.

You dream of his lips and wide shoulders.

It’s so hot you can feel sweat collecting at your spine and brows as something warm is clinging to you from behind. You can’t get away from the heat something is stopping you from wriggling out of its hold. Your dream-dazed mind needs a minute to realise what’s pressed against you and emits so much heat and when you do your entire body freezes mid struggle.

Right.

You let Jin into your bed last night. He’s like a furnace. You tilt your head backwards careful to not accidentally wake him up whilst you try to make a mental plan in your head on how to get out of this position. His hands are placed dangerously down on your body holding you by the hips and when he squeezes you suddenly you jump a little getting pressed on him more in the process.

Your t-shirt got rolled up during the night till your stomach was not covered by the fabric anymore. His hands are in direct contact with your skin and you can feel his warm touch cage you against him.

You’re outright panicking when you can feel his boner press into your buttcheeks. Sleepiness is long gone from your eyes.

This sounds like the beginning of one of your cheap smut stories. But you swear it’s not. You vaguely remember writing one about two people sharing one bed one of your favourite tropes to write about when they got stranded at a motel because of the weather. Your protagonist woke up just like you with a morning wood rutting against her whilst the boy was still living in a wet dream.

Jin isn’t moving though. He’s just pressed against you. His breath is not laboured at all as relaxed puffs of air hit your earlobe. He’s deeply asleep but his body is certainly awake and ready to nut. If you would be one of your characters then you might have the courage to press back and grind your ass into his cock. He feels big against your rearside even if he’s tucked away in his underwear.

You really want to move but you know you shouldn’t. If he accidentally wakes up you will be in big trouble.

Your attempts to escape are futile. Jin doesn’t let you go out of his hold and your struggle only makes him pull you closer and create some friction between your bodies. You let out a loud gasp when his cock accidentally rubs harder against your ass as you try to get away.

You settle down and wait. He’s probably waking up. His brows are furrowed and his mouth is jutted in a pout.

You let out a sigh of relief when he doesn’t. Looks like he got tired of you trying to get away and disturbing his sleep because he lets you go and turn to the other side of the bed. One of his hands is tucked under his head as he sleeps.

You shouldn’t feel as disappointed as you do when you get up and leave the room to get ready for the day.

You would have loved to feel him rub one out. You would have gladly let him use you but it’s for the best that nothing happened in the end. You leave the house early that morning. You needed some space to calm down and you had to go somewhere anyway. It’s ridiculous how worked up you got just because you felt Jin’s cock against your ass.

What’s even more concerning is that you have no difficulty meeting up with his sister and having some breakfast together.

If she knew what kind of thoughts you have about his older brother. She would certainly kill you but you try to keep these thoughts at the back of your mind for now as you focus on your important conversation. You shoot down another one of her blind date offers as usual at this point saying no is like a reflex to you.

”You like someone else, don’t you?” Your grip on your mug tightens and you look up at her like a deer caught in headlights after listening to her sudden question. At that moment you knew that you fucked up.

”I knew it! Who is it? Do I know him? Did you ask him out yet?” You avoid making eye contact with her as she rambles on and on about your mysterious love interest.

It’s your brother. Yes, you do know him. No, I don’t have to courage to ask him out and I don’t think I ever will.

You answer her in your head but decide against saying any of that out loud.

Instead, you say something even worse for her imagination to run wild: ”It’s complicated.”

”Is it a married man? I promise I will never judge you. You can tell me.” You gasp in horror when she starts speculating, giving you that look again that you haven’t seen since college when you had that crush on that jock from the swim team senior year. They were wet and hot in your defence every woman’s weakness. Everyone who tells otherwise is a liar.

Her hand finds yours on top of the table to console you but you pull away with a disapproving look.

”Oh my god. That’s not it!” You pick up some fries to shove into her mouth before she can speak more nonsense.

It’s annoying how she tries to nitpick everything you say just because you said it’s complicated it doesn’t mean it has to involve a married man or a sugar daddy! It could be worse than listening to her trying to figure out your mystery crush. At least she has no idea it’s his brother that you have secret feelings for. You shudder just by thinking of this morning with his dick wedged in between your buttcheeks.

It’s futile to think about the what-ifs. Nothing would have changed if you decided to stay or not a little longer. You just saved yourself from some awkward conversation where you would be friend-zoned or worse, sister zoned! You’re way past the point of feeling guilty about thinking about Jin whilst you’re with your best friend. You’re not concerned as you get lost in your head. You never really breached the topic with her but you know she wouldn’t be thrilled for you to have the hots for his brother. It’s stupid but her reaction when one of your friends brought up you dating him in the future is still a sore spot. Them. Together? Yikes. Childish, you know it but it still affects you more than you would like to admit. Not that Seokjin would ever return your feelings.

”Are you excited about our trip?” Glad for the change in the subject you let out a relieved chuckle. Genuine excitement showing on your face.

Of course, you are excited!

It’s been ages since you went to Jeju except for that one family vacation and this time it will be just you the girls and the boys – no parental supervision. You yourselves are grownups. Just friends on a summer trip. Everyone has been busy and working hard so some time to unwind will do some good for all of you. It’s also nostalgic as the first roots of your affection towards Jin bloomed on the Island as well. You’re excited to go back now that you’re all mature.

The problems you had back then seem to be minor things compared to what adult life rolls your way as a challenge. You share some excited chatter about the resort she got her hands on. You heard it’s quite spectacular and has a beautiful view of the ocean. You collect your trays when you’re done and head to the mall to buy some bikinis for the trip.

Time always flies by when you’re together and you step into your shared apartment with Jin in the late afternoon with a heart less heavy.

It’s still one of the favourite parts of your day. When you can smell the freshly made food and be greeted by Jin’s smile as he asks you to join him in the kitchen. You move in sync preparing the dishes seamlessly as you know what the other wants. You cooked together so many times but your heart still flutters when he prefers your help in the kitchen even at gatherings.

”You left early this morning.” The knife in your hand halts for a moment but you regain your composure rather quickly. You keep cutting the vegetables in relative silence as you try to come up with what to say and pour the cut pieces into a frying pan to stirfry, acting busy. You didn’t think he would comment about your sudden disappearance. Did he miss you? Was he disappointed when he didn’t find you in his arms anymore? Or. Is he testing the waters? He probably woke up with a boner and was wondering if he made you uncomfortable but doesn’t want to create an awkward situation by asking you outright. Right? That’s probably it-

”I was just getting ready for the trip tomorrow. Jiah and I went shopping. We didn’t have anything to wear to the beach.”

Seokjin acknowledges your words with a small hum as he’s focused on marinating the beef sprinkling it with various spices.

”Can’t wait to see you in it.” His smile is innocent and his intentions are probably as pure as snow so why are you blushing so hard? You and Jin saw each other in swimwear and went to the beach with mutual friends before but your approach the previous years was more cute than sexy. You don’t know what possessed you to go all out this year but Jiah whistled when you came out of the changing room. She said whoever your secret crush is he’ll probably go blind from your beauty so you’re counting on that.

***

”Hey! Nice of you two to finally join us.” You completely ignore Jimin’s jab at how late you are when you get to the airport. Jin rolling both of your suitcases. You don’t offer an answer; you’re all used to his teasing.

Your eyes are only halfway open when you lean on your best friend’s shoulder to support your weight. You’re not a morning person it took a lot of persuasion from Seokjin to get you out of bed.

Your earlier entrance made some of your friends suspiciously giggle and talk in hushed whispers. The fan club – as they like to call themselves. They have been shipping you with Jin since the first arrangements that you become roommates and while you show your disdain every time you secretly love the attention put on you two.

”Cute.” Hanma giggles when she saw you holding onto Jin’s shirt following him in.

He offered you the edge of his shirt to hold onto in hopes that you two won’t separate as you try to make your way to the guys inside the busy airport. He could see that you were still half asleep and he was afraid of losing sight of you in such a big place. He gave you occasional glances and slowed down his steps to match his pace with you.

He never fails to make your heart flutter with sweet gestures like this. He helps you with your luggage and carries your passports to show at the gates. Some might confuse him to be your boyfriend – Jin is naturally nice so always corrects the people politely but your heart sinks every time he smooths over the mistakes of other people.

You’re surprised that he choose the seat next to you and not one of the guys, beating your best friend to it. They played a childish game of rock paper scissors to decide who will sit next to you and in the end, Jin won.

You try to ignore the butterflies when he smiles so widely at you. You live together so you grew naturally closer – at first, you were surprised how people person he was. He was rooming with Yoongi for a long time but when he decided to take a further step in his relationship and move in together with his sweetheart, Jin had to look for another place and your roommate conveniently moved out not that long ago. You always wondered if it was fate. It seemed like a dream and most of the time it was.

You cook together and watch tv. A lot. He coaxes you out of your room to do things like watching his favourite dramas or just hang out and go bar-hopping with his friends. Simple things like that. Many pros but there are cons as well.

You think that you mastered your poker face when he occasionally brings girls home for the night. You never see them again but the fact that the walls are thin and you hear them moan his name makes the ugly head of jealousy roar to life.

You want to be the only girl that moans his name. Not only moan but – hold his hand, laugh at his dad jokes and make him feel good until his toes curl and he loses his mind. You want to be his girlfriend but it’s wishful thinking on your part.

He’s eight years older than you. He never dated younger girls and his last girlfriend was five years older than him. He likes mature older women – not girls like you in their early twenties.

”You’re always together Jin! Don’t think you can steal my best friend from me! She’s mine!” Jiah whines when she loses at the game and you have half the heart to make a peace offering when Jin pokes his tongue at his sister childishly.

Right. Mature.

”Enough. Both of you. I’m not anyone’s possession. Just sit next to each other. Final decision.” They both try to protest but you’re already out of your seat.

You find one empty so you make your way to the back and sit next to Namjoon. Finally some quiet and peace.

He gives you a sympathetic smile and pats the seat next to him for you to take and you do – gladly.

You enjoy his company and he’s been always easy to talk to. He let you cry on his shoulder when you broke up with your first boyfriend that no one knows about. It was messy. It was a secret relationship – not that you two dated for long.

Namjoon is the only one who knows about your feelings and to this day he kept your secret. You have a special place in your heart for Namjoon. You both confide in each other to tell things that you’re not comfortable telling to other people. You’re not the only one with a secret as he had the biggest crush on your best friend for years.

She’s oblivious to his attraction and it’s clear that Namjoon always has her best interest at heart. He doesn’t want to reveal himself in front of her and put her in a weird situation. The things he does for her are subtle – if you didn’t know of his feelings you would probably never pick up on the little things.

In a way, you’re both sitting in the same boat. There are nights when you two secretly hang out and talk about your crushes. It always feels good to ramble about them and get it all out so it’s a tradition by now.

”You can rest on my shoulder.” You hum in contentment his voice is nice and soothing it doesn’t take long for you to go back to sleep resting against Namjoon’s shoulders as he reads his book in silence.

Jin and Jiah bicker for a while – pointing fingers at each other about who was the cause of you to just leave them but quiet down when Namjoon scolds them and emphasises that you have already fallen back to sleep.

You and Namjoon made a promise not to try and get each other’s hopes up but that glance Seokjin shoots in your direction make him think. He’s been pretty much glued to your side and he knows for a fact, that he didn’t have a woman over for a while now. You always complain about them being loud but you didn’t for the last couple of weeks.

Namjoon looks at Seokjin’s approaching form suspiciously.

”Relax I won’t disturb her but she gets cranky when she’s not resting on her favourite pillow.” He lets him cradle your face between his palm softly and carefully place the pillow behind your head.

Jin gets a few locks of hair out of your face and places them behind your ears and a smile makes its way onto his features unknowingly.

”Tell me what you want.” You play with the hem of his shorts. Strong thighs quivering under your careful fingers. Your mouth is stretched into a vixen smile – moan softly when you picture a big fat cock to stretch it out instead.

”W- We shouldn't.” You lightly scoff. His mouth forms the words but his hips still jut when you ghost your touch over his prominent bulge. He wants you. You can feel it. Your gaze is feral as you look at Jin like a meal on a silver platter. He won’t stop you from touching him his mind keeps telling him to stop you but he won’t because deep down he doesn’t want to.

He wants you to whip out his dick and roll your tongue over his cockhead. Taste the precum of his desire. His eyes are blown out and his chest is moving up and down rapidly at the sight of you on your knees between his spread legs. Despite the position, he’s the one that’s wrapped around your pinky finger.

You know that look too well as you caress his clothed thighs running your fingers up and down in a soothing manner. He’s overthinking again.

”I can stop if it’s too much. I want you to feel good Seokjinnie. You don’t have to feel guilty.” Jin jumps when your head rests on his left thigh your breathing is shallow and calm – nothing like the hammering of his chest. His heart works overtime to pump his blood through his veins directing the flow to his cock rather than his head to think.

”N- No. Please don’t stop.” He catches your wrist when you give him some distance. Thinking that he’s pulling out of the situation. It prompted him to finally answer – and it’s truthful. He doesn’t want to stop in spite of everything in him screaming that he should.

His feelings are conflicted but his fingers weave themselves into your messy hair and gather it into a low ponytail. You feel like the forbidden fruit tempting him and leading him to his downfall. It’s only a thin wall separating your bodies from his sister sleeping next door. Unbestowned to the sinful actions of the two most important people in her life. What kind of brother he is to want his sister’s best friend’s mouth on his cock?

His eyes focus on the object of his desire, your lips. Pink and swollen from biting. Your tongue pokes out to slick your lips to glisten and make them more inviting.

”Tell me that you want it. If you don’t you have to tell me now.” Of course, the last thing you want is to stop but this is not just about you. It’s better to stop now than for him later to realise it was a mistake on his part. You wouldn’t be able to handle that if he did.

”I shouldn’t- I really shouldn’t want your mouth wrapped around my cock but Y-Y/N I w-want it so bad.” You hum grazing his inner thighs with your nails.

”You can have it. My mouth is yours to take.” Seokjin blushes but nods. His fingers shake as he undoes his pants and gets his underwear down his legs showing you his hard cock. It’s dripping the pink tip is swollen as beads of precum bubble out from the small slit. You put your mouth around the round head and taste him for the first time –

”Y/N. What is this?” His tone makes you wince. He never talked to you like this before – with anger laced with his tone. His ears are red and his eyes are distant when you keep looking at the floor avidly avoiding his harsh stare that pokes a hole into your head – hoping to gain some confidence to reply. This is your worst nightmare.

Him finding out – nonetheless this way. His reaction twists the knife in your heart even more.

You look over the words on your open computer. Your heart seizes in panic as you look between the hard lines of his forehead and your filthy words – practically telling him everything that you tried so hard to keep as a secret for years.

”I’m s-sorry.” Don’t know what else to say. Seokjin nearly growls and runs his hands through his hair as if it would decrease the humiliation of his finding. His thoughts are all over the place. The considerate boy is long gone when his harsh words pierce through your bleeding heart.

”What are you sorry for huh? Getting caught or writing porn with my name?” You flinch when he drops the laptop on the bed with a loud thud. He was never violent. The thought of you thinking about him that way disgusts him this much?

You’re lost for words as Jin walks up and down in your room trying to calm down. The tears you tried to keep at bay fall freely when his words hit you.

His frantic movements stop when he hears a pained sniff. His glare softens when he sees you cry and he bawls his hands in a fist to keep himself rooted to his spot. His first instinct is to comfort you but he’s still distraught by everything he read.

”Delete it.” This is the only thing he says before he slams the door behind him.

Your soft cries fill the room. He hates you. You should have been more careful. Shouldn’t let him be in your room when you weren’t around. It’s too late for that now. He hates you – he’s probably disgusted by you.

After he stormed out of your room that night you barely have seen him. It certainly put a damper on your vacation plans but you can’t blame him for reacting that way. It makes you sad that he opted for avoiding you all together rather than talking to you about it.

You tried to apologise but he didn’t take too kindly at you for visiting his room so you gave him the time alone that he needed. Namjoon is the only one who you told what happened and he offered to knock some sense into the boy but you pulled him back by his hands to leave it.

Namjoon is a good friend to the both of you and he could understand his reaction but the way he talked to you was not justified.

He kept by your side during the whole trip and you were glad to have some distraction from everything that happened. You were existing in the same room during the activities but he never even glanced your way or addressed you.

It felt like you were invisible that the friendship you built just crumbled like that.

You dreaded the day that you had to go back to your apartment. You tried to hide your disappointment when he asked Jimin to let him crash at his place for a while. You know he will move out sooner or later. It felt like your friendship was unsalvageable at this point.

You even told Jiah that you like his brother. She kept asking about what happened between the two of you. The tension could be cut with a knife and everyone noticed how the two of you drifted apart when before you were almost inseparable. She was shocked and you expected her to yell at you too but to your surprise, she took the news quite alright.

You had a heartfelt conversation while you both cried your eyes out. It felt good to tell her everything despite the situation. Whenever you thought about Jin your heart squeezed painfully. You haven’t seen him for at least a month now. Legally you still shared the apartment but you know he’s been looking for another place to stay. The last time he looked at you was when you were in your room after he discovered your erotic story about him. Jiah was your rock – and Namjoon too.

You could tell that they grew closer because of you, they talked more and hung out without you. You were hopeful that at least they got together in the end. They took really good care of you and you were really grateful for them to help you feel better.

You announced your indefinite hiatus on your blog and while some were noisy the majority of them wished you good luck with whatever you were struggling with. You were thinking of deleting the whole thing.

You buried yourself under work and continued on your real projects.

You were in the kitchen having some late-night snack. What you didn’t expect is for Jin to show up one day at your door he kept fidgeting with his key as he tried to coordinate his movements and slide the key into the hole.

He was flat-out drunk. His eyes are glazed over in a drunkness hue and he is swooning like he could trip over his feet at any given moment. You haven’t seen him act like this ever – he’s completely shit-faced. You want to give him space knowing that the last thing he wants is to see your face so you abandon your snack on the counter and try to leave but he doesn’t let you get too far.

Your eyes grow wide when he pushes you against your door before you could slip away into the comfort of your room. His breath smelled like he consumed a lot of whiskey on his night out and you don’t think your assumption is too far-fetched from the truth.

It breaks your heart that he has to be this drunk to even face you.

”You’re drunk. You should lay down.” You place both hands on his stomach to keep some distance as he sways.

It wasn’t the most coherent but you could get the gist of his words that would awfully sound like: ”I bw-read your blog. All offfff it.”

You look away in shame – ready to hear him yell again but he doesn’t. He forces you to face him with a firm grip on your chin.

”It bwans’t jsut sex. You swaid you likeed me.”

You try to push him away and get some space between you but he doesn’t relent. Who would have thought that he’s so strong while drunk?

”This is something we should discuss while you’re sober. We will talk in the morning. As, if you’ll be still here.” It was pointless to mask your hurt and he could see that. You looked hurt and thin like you were not eating properly.

The empty fridge seems to be a big hint of that. His head pounds from the headache but he could remember everything from yesterday.

You took care of him. Helped him lay down on his bed and even got him painkillers with a glass of water to sit on his bedside table for when he woke up.

He didn’t think about you at all or your feelings until Namjoon beat some sense into him. It was too much and too sudden. He was fighting these feelings and discovering your dirty little secret just made it all blow up in his face.

He was too deep to think about how his words affected you. He knows it won’t be enough to earn your forgiveness but it should be a good start. He makes some breakfast and waits for you patiently to appear.

You come out, blinking away the sleepiness when the view makes you stop in your tracks. You rub your eyes again in case you’re still somehow dreaming.

Seokjin. Standing in the kitchen, cooking. It’s something you haven’t witnessed for the last few weeks – it feels foreign to see him flip a honey brown pancake on their other side. To be truthful after he left you haven’t felt like cooking (it reminded you too much of him – you used to do all the cooking together and it felt wrong to do it all alone) mostly living off of fast food or eat at your friend’s place if they offered.

”You’re here.” It comes out as if you’re in disbelief and – you are. Seokjin was drunk yesterday. You thought it was a mistake that he came home and would surely leave in the morning before you woke up.

You didn’t think he would be here.

”Yes. Are- are you hungry?” He asks carefully as if you’re a wounded animal that could flee at any given moment. He could barely look you in the eye and it hurts. It’s never been so awkward before and you hate that you made it this way. The tension surrounding your body has a strong grip on your throat. It’s your fault that things went South in your friendship. You don’t even know it could be fixed anymore.

”S- Sure.” You take tentative steps into the kitchen and sit down opposite him. He places two servings down and you eat silently with a gaping hole in between. Usually, you would sit close to each other but not this time, there’s no easy banter or laughing either. It’s all so still.

”I- uh so, uh. Fuck, it’s hard. I guess what I want to say is that. I’m sorry.” Jin places his hand on top of yours – you two always used touch as a comforting gesture – but you pull your hand away without thinking. You think you saw hurt flash in his eyes but he looked undeterred in making up with you.

”It’s ok. I should be the one who says sorry. It was improper of me and it will never happen again.” You look away, your moves are mechanical as you slice into your pancakes. You’re not hungry and the food tastes like paper in your mouth. You miss the dejected look on his face while you focus on your plate.

He should have known it won’t be that easy to get things back to where it was.

He hates that you look so defensive and uncomfortable being in the same room. He deserves this reaction. Namjoon’s words ring in his ears like a mantra.

The way he acted and yelled at you was so unlike him. He said things that night that he didn’t mean and regretted. Namjoon told him how it wore you down while he was confused with his feelings – he hurt you badly. You can’t even look at him now and he hates that he did this to you. He misses your smile.

”No, it’s not okay. I’m sorry for yelling I didn’t mean the things I said I regretted saying them the minute I did. I read your blog and- y-you said that you like me. Is it, true?” If you didn’t know better you might think he looks hopeful. But what he said stuck in your head on repeat. [What are you sorry for huh? Getting caught or writing porn with my name?]

”I did.” You settle for that answer for now. Seeing him again and how painful it is to even be in the same house opened your eyes to how wrong it was for you to fantasise about him. You will make yourself stop liking him. This is the only way you can still salvage your friendship. He’s clearly not interested based on his reaction and you couldn’t blame him.

”The past tense means? You- don’t like me anymore? I-Is it because of what I said?” Jin seems nervous and somewhat, disappointed in your answer but you don’t let your mind linger on that for long. This is for the best.

”I want us to forget about this. This is how we could be friends again.”

You get up and leave but there was unmistakable sadness carried in your eyes. Your pancake is nearly untouched you only took two bites and Jin slumps in his chair sighing. He wanted this conversation to play out differently.

It took too long for him to figure out his own feelings. It looks like he’s always a beat late when it comes to you.

Jin cringes when he thinks about your conversation that happened half a day ago.

”That sucks man but at least now you’re on speaking terms again.” Seokjin sighs. He half-heartedly agrees because he did move back into your shared apartment but it’s far from how it used to be. You’re distant. No more cooking together you don’t even watch shows together on the couch after your late-night writing sessions.

If he’s not going out of his way to see you he bet you wouldn’t even leave your room. You’re only a door away but it feels like there are oceans between you now.

You said you’re working on your book and he knows it’s the truth because your blog is deleted by the time he tries to check it out again.

You meant it when you said you want to forget about the last couple of weeks and while you pretend it never happened – it’s clear that it still bothers you. You’re avoiding him. Even in friend outings, you’re barely speaking to him and choose the seat farthest away from him. Everyone noticed the shift in your dynamics but no one dares to comment on it. Namjoon advised him to give you time, you’re probably just feeling embarrassed and he couldn’t blame you when he reacted that way. The things he said – he wishes he could just turn back time and take a deep breath instead.

He felt betrayed when he first saw your writing and he felt embarrassed that people all over the world read about sexual things with his name in it he replayed what happened at the hotel numerous times and he regrets everything.

Ever since he played with the thought of you and him in the same sentence it became clearer that he could actually picture it happening. Too bad he’s weeks late and now it seems like you will never open up to him again.

”Barely. She’s still avoiding me Joon.” Namjoon finds his older friend’s pout comical.

”Clearly since you’re out drinking again. You know that if you get drunk it doesn’t mean the situation will solve itself.” Of course, he knows it. Jin annoyingly sighs again and Namjoon has to bite his lip to not tell him to stop whining and instead do something about it.

”I’m just so lost about what to do.” Jin swirls his drink looking intently at the bottom of his whiskey in case the key to his problems will be somehow buried under the fifth cup of alcohol.

”Well – did you try to apologise?” Jin snorts. Namjoon could barely hear his answer murmured under his nose. ”Of course, I apologised that was the first thing that I did.”

”Did you explain to her why you reacted that way? That you given it a thought and you would like to try something if she’s still interested? Did you tell her that?”

It’s the following silence that has Namjoon shake his head in disbelief. For the first time since he arrived, Jin looks up from his drink and looks kinda panicked.

”S- She didn’t let me explain.” Even he knows it’s a poor excuse. The truth is he chickened out. You used the past tense as ‘liked you’ and he felt too afraid to say anything. He was confused for the longest time if what he started feeling after you ignored him was genuine or if he was just missing the normality you two always had. He’s afraid that things will change drastically and he would hate to lose you.

He’s still not a hundred percent sure but he probably never will be all he could do is try and see what happens. That’s life. There’s no guide on how to live your life just like there’s no guide to tell him if things would work out between you two. Things are already not normal between you. Even if he hates to admit it he wouldn’t be able to go back to just being your friend anymore after knowing the truth about your feelings. He just needs to take a leap of fate and hope for the best. It’s also easier said than done.

”You need to try until she listens. She deserves an explanation Jin. As I see it she probably avoids you so you couldn’t reject her again. She doesn’t know that you’re not trying to do that she only goes with the assumptions your little outburst created in her head. The only way you can fix your relationship with her is, to be honest. Tell her how you feel. She’s not a mind reader you have to spell it out for her to understand.”

Jin knows Namjoon is right. The question is what he’s going to do about it.

Jin also knows this is not the best time to initiate this conversation but he decides to knock on your door after standing in front of it finally done contemplating.

Your eyes are tired but widen when you see him and while your lights are off your laptop gives off a light behind you that indicates you are still awake. It's 3 in the morning.

Jin smells like alcohol again, but he doesn't seem as hammered as when he first came home. He almost looks painfully sober.

"Did you just get home?" Unsure what to say you ask carefully. Your fingers grip the door until your knuckles are turning white. You're wearing black shorts with a tank top and you're clearly not wearing a bra as Jin can see the outline of your breasts.

Realising his mistake, he focuses back on your face thanks to the dim lighting of the place you didn't notice how he was ogling at your chest a moment ago.

Even after talking big to Namjoon not an hour ago in the bar about how he's going to confess to you being in front of you makes the words escape him and lose all confidence he had left. You look so pretty in his eyes dressed in casual clothes.

The worst that could happen is hearing your rejection. Jin wouldn't blame you after all he said and done. However, things can't go on as they are now. The distance is killing him and he hates how you avoid his looks or touches when it was welcomed before.

"I want to talk to you about something. Can I come in?" He gets it out after some silence and you seemingly contemplate accepting it. It's late and he is drunk. As if he could read your mind he's quick to assure you he didn't have that much tonight. He wasn't even out for that long.

"Alright, come in." You sigh tiredly and you step away to let him in. You don't want to have this conversation right now but you know that Jin is stubborn and it's best to hear it now than prolong this painful thing you have going on. You hate this, it's awkward you don't know how to react to his words or how to move according to his touches. You're ridden with guilt thinking that you created this situation but also angry with Jin. After avoiding you for a month he's back and acting like nothing happened between you.

You motion for your bed for him to sit and you take a seat on your rolling chair. You keep sitting opposite him when before you would always sit beside him but he doesn't say anything as he's the only one to blame for this. Of course, you're heartbroken and angry. Jin is very bad when he has to confront someone or a situation but he needs to do that or else he might really lose you forever, if you haven't already given up on him but he still has hope that you will say yes.

"I know I said this before but I'm really sorry for hurting your feelings. I don't even know what I was thinking but what I'm sure about is that after not seeing you I started to think about you more deeply. I never thought about you that way I admit it but after constantly thinking about you I think I actually like you." His words are not the best to express his thoughts but he hopes you can interpret them in a good way. Your expression is not that bright so he tries to help the situation while mumbling more words.

Trying to make things right desperately.

"If you're only saying that to..." You don't have to try and finish your sentence before he's quick to correct it.

"No! Um, no. That's not it, I'm not just saying it because I want to smooth things over. I miss being with you. I miss you so much and I hate that you avoid me now even though I know I deserve it. I'm sorry Y/N, I'm really selfish. I want to have your love again even after I said that. I know I am late but I swear if you give me a chance I'll try my hardest to make you fall in love with me again." You're too stunned to react when he suddenly gets on his knees to beg for forgiveness as his last attempt to convince you. Jin clasps your hands and squeezes them.

"J-Jin." He doesn't let you pull away as he holds your hand against his cheek. "You can stand up." You put your other hand on his shoulder feeling weird about seeing him on his knees. You didn't have time to fully grasp what was happening.

If he did this two months ago you would be over the moon. Is he saying what you think he is saying?

"I won't until you forgive me. Y/N please." You feel pressured but on the other hand, you still have those butterflies in your stomach. You don't think he will let up if you ask him for more time to consider so you silently consider your options now.

He did hurt your feelings but you know Jin would never lie to you. You believe that what he said now is the truth. If he truly considered your feelings and feels like giving it a try with you. You could take one and give your heart a chance.

This time you won't need to hide it anymore. Your friendship cannot go on as it is - and even if in the end it doesn't work out you could at least say you tried your best.

"Alright. I will forgive you Jin." You cup his face with both hands. Jin looks up at you with a silly smile at seeing your expression soften and he pulls you down for a puppy kiss.

It's nothing but lip on the lip but it's finally happening. Jin is kissing you.

You smile into it before it can deepen but neither of you minds it. "Are you going to get up now?"

You help him up after he nods. He lets out a little laughter feeling good after you accept his confession. Both of you just stare at each other after that in the middle of the room unable to move.

"Good night Jin." Unsure what to do you think it's best to leave things at that. It's almost 4 am. Seokjin can sense your hesitance even though you cleared your feelings it's clear that you don't know what you're allowed and not allowed to do.

"Can I stay? I missed you a lot." Jin pulls you close by holding onto your waist. He can feel it on his skin how your heartbeat accelerates as he closes the gap. He kisses your jaw and your fingers tighten around the material of his shirt.

"S-sure." Unable to resist his charms you agree to sleep together. While Jin goes to change his clothes and shower you tidy up your room a bit. You're already under the covers when Jin comes back. The last thing you feel is how he kisses your cheeks and whispers a good night before you close your tired eyes enveloped in his warm arms.

The next time your friends gathered you showed up with Jin hand in hand. After the initial shock wore off everyone congratulated you and Jin on your newfound love. Some things changed but some aren’t. He’s still as sweet to you as ever, you cook together watch movies and talk late into the night but your relationship now has a bonus that you were unable to experience in your friendship. The kisses.

When you’re talking with your friends he sometimes kisses the top of your head pulls you close to his side or holds your hand under the table. Just some subtle romantic actions but they make your heart flutter. There are times when Jin comes home from work and you greet him with a sweet peck. Sometimes it grows into a makeout session. With you on his lap and your fingers in his hair feverishly exchanging kisses on the couch. Or when you’re getting ready to bed he pulls you close under the covers and kisses you until you’re breathless.

Today is one of those days when you two get carried away with the kisses. Jin had a stressful day at work. Some people complained that the food was bad and he had to smooth things over when a waiter got into an argument with a customer. The first thing he did when he got home was hug you close and breathe in your calming scent. You could tell that something was bothering Jin but you hugged him back and offered him your comfort. You didn’t think things would get this heated.

Jin suddenly kissed you like you were the air that he desperately needed to survive he hungrily started to devour your lips until they got swollen and pink. Before anything could escalate you always find a way to stop. If Jin initiates the make-outs then you always put an end to it before the clothes could get unbuttoned.

Jin read the blog and read all about your fantasies so he knows you’re not particularly shy or innocent. At first, he just thought you were not ready and he wanted to wait for you so he never mentioned anything but now he thinks differently. He heard you one morning when he had to come back for his keys when you thought he left for work you pleasured yourself in your shared bed he could hear you moan his name. You always stop before anything could get too heated and he thinks it’s because you’re afraid to initiate anything sexual not because you don’t want to but because you’re afraid to appear too needy.

Today he’s not letting you get away.

He stops you from getting up from his lap. Jin knows that you can feel his bulge underneath you. Continues his kisses down your throat to your collarbones that poke out from under your t-shirt. Your fingers grip his wide shoulders as you try to remain calm, small sighs escape you as he keeps peppering your skin with his wet kisses. You want to roll your hips to get some relief but you’re afraid you wouldn’t be able to control yourself anymore if you did. This is exactly what Jin wants though. He pulls you impossibly close bucking his hips up to you with a firm hold on you he rubs his clothed cock between your legs until you start to soak his lap. Pushing his tongue into your mouth he swallows your needy sounds but he’s no better at keeping his voice down. The small whimpers that escape only fuel your arousal. You swear he knows what he’s doing to you. You try to get away before it gets too much but Jin desperately clings to you as if he reads your mind he opens his mouth to protest.

“Don’t stop please.” Jin continues to guide your hips pushing you against his fully hard cock he wants to take it out already but he holds himself back. His doe eyes meet your half-lidded ones as he chases the friction he craves.

You bite back a moan when you take in the sight under you. He’s so perfect. He holds onto you tightly like he’s afraid you will disappear. It feels like your concerns were unfounded after seeing the unlimited desire in his passionate eyes. You were afraid to have sex with Jin after what happened before. You thought he thought you were dirty after writing sex scenes with his name. It seems like you were wrong. He doesn’t think you’re dirty or undesirable it’s clearly written on his face what he wants.

You relax into his embrace and kiss him lovingly. You want to give him everything he wants. You put your hand above his heart you can feel how his heart beats fast under your palm getting under his spell you continue your journey down his stomach until you catch the side of his waistband and play with it. You explore further your kisses reach his neck your teeth and tongue create dark marks on his skin as your fingers palm him over his clothes. Jin’s hand tighten around your waist he lets out his sounds freely appreciating the care and attention you willingly give to him. Molding against your body he becomes putty in your hands.

“You’re so pretty Jinie.” Shyness blooms on his face at your compliment he buries his face into your shoulders moaning when you increase your hand movements. He’s getting so worked up by your little touches. Your tongue darts out to lick a long stripe up his neck lastly pulling his ear between your teeth. “My pretty baby is getting close? It feels like you’re about to burst. You won’t let anyone else touch you like this right? Only I want to see you like this.” You grab the side of his face with one hand forcing him to open his eyes and look at you.

Your fierce gaze makes Jin gulp down the accumulated saliva in his mouth. He opened it to answer but he could only let out his moans. It’s hard to form a coherent sentence when your hand rubs him so well. You won’t let him get away with it as you push your thumb into his mouth and press on his tongue. Jin can only whine as your finger gets coated in his saliva his eyes stay unfocused as you rub harder. He feels this incredible tightness in his lower stomach signalling his approaching end.

“Tell me that you’re mine and I will let you cum. Be a pretty boy and say it.” Your fingers leave his mouth so he can tell you. He tells you with tears glistening in his eyes the pleasure is too great to handle as he comes in his pants.

“Yours, only yours.” He pants whines and whimpers his whole body shakes as you guide him through his orgasm.

“My Jinie.” You kiss him swallowing his noises. His heart skips a beat your possessive side only adds to your appeal. He never heard you talk like that you say the most sinful things and he loves every second of it.

He doesn’t have time to feel embarrassed about cumming in his pants as you keep devouring his lips your desire growing bigger as you get frustrated as you’re soaking wet and didn’t do anything to relieve yourself.

You only pull away to get rid of your clothes. Seeing your naked body Jin feels the blood leave his head and travel down to his cock. Getting harder again. Jin parts your folds with two fingers his lips are on your neck tasting your skin as he works your pussy. You’re so wet his fingers glide on your sensitive skin easily. One finger sinks into you while his thumb keeps rubbing your clit eliciting sweet moans from you.

You clamp down on the finger inside getting close to your release. Your face is tucked into his shoulders. Jin watches as you ride his fingers slipping a second one inside at the same time you pull him out of his pants and wrap your hand around his shaft.

You kiss and moan into each other’s mouths building a steady rhythm together. You stop his fingers before you could cum around them.

“Want you in me.” Jin nods eagerly pulling your hips up until your opening is aligned with his tip. You sink down slowly feeling each vein and twitch of his cock as it gets buried inside your wet heat.

You ride it fast and deep chasing your end that got denied before you didn’t need much to reach it. It took some swirls of his finger on your sensitive clit to pulse around his cock and milk him with your release. The wetness provided an easy glide Jin could guide you up and down his cock easily until he cums deep inside you a few minutes later.

“You feel so good.” You smile into the kiss. This was way better than your imagination. Kim Seokjin. Jin or Jinie shortened for friends and family. Your bestest friend’s older brother and your current roommate of nine months, nine hours and – a brief look at your wristwatch – twenty minutes and now your new lover.

[7ndipity]

Bts As Subs

Sub!Ot7 x Dom!Reader

Summary: Headcanons about how the members would be as Subs

Warnings: +18 mdni, smut. Swearing. Mentions of dom/sub dynamics, bdsm, oral(f. and m. receiving), handjobs, edging, overstimulation, degradation, thigh riding, pegging, petplay, dacryphilia, marking, slapping, scratching, aftercare. Not proofread.

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! Working on this actually helped a lot with my writers block and gave me waay too many ideas for fics👀 But I hope you like ‘em!

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Jin:

Is either the sweetest, best behaved baby boy or an absolute brat, depending on his mood.

Loves to run his mouth just to get a rise out of you, whining and complaining about your teasing, but turns into absolutely mush once you get him under you.

Likes when you tie him to the headboard and jerk him off while sitting on his lap, close enough to still kiss him but not letting him touch yet, letting him cry into your neck when he finally cums all over your hand.

He’s so loud and whiny, it almost sounds like he’s singing until his voice cracks.

Someone mentioned this on his nsfw list, and I had to mention it here, he has a slight oral fixation and needs access to your chest while you ride him, sucking and biting hard enough to leave marks(which he says he’s sorry for, but you know he isn’t really)

Lowkey masochistic and enjoys punishments, loving when you mark and scratch him up, or edge him till he cries.

But what he really loves when you just ride him soft and slow, moving just fast enough to make him needy, but not letting him cum, edging you both till he’s desperate and pleading to cum.

Yoongi:

Turns into the sweetest, vulnerable little kitten. You can always tell when he’s feeling subby from the way he buries his face in your chest or your neck, in both sexual and nonsexual situations. He's just so soft and just wants to be taken care of(pls protect him🥺)

So fucking whiny, but he tries to muffle them, biting his lip and scrunching his face up so hard, he almost looks in pain(until you bite/suck the sweet spot on his neck and he just starts wailing).

Prefers things to be half kinky, half vanilla(the vanilla stuff is always what makes him cum tho)

Like, he enjoys when you’re mean and tease him, but he really can’t handle much degradation, so it needs to be combined with a lot of sweet words and kisses.

Cries so prettily when you peg/breed him.

Is slightly embarrassed at how quickly he cums from thigh riding, hiding his face in your neck as his hips stutter against you.

Needs a fair bit of aftercare to ground him and help him come back down, mainly just sitting and holding each other.

Hobi:

Ooh the range of this boy😍, he's always so bright and eager, and tries so hard to be a good boy it’s almost painful, how could you not reward him?🥺

Loves it when you’re rough with him, wanting you to slap, scratch, mark, and degrade him, etc. He’ll take it all with a smile.

Tie him up and and tease him by making him watch while you touch yourself, his poor cock twitching and leaking with every noise you make(he may have broken a chair from pulling so hard on his restraints)

Absolutely melts tho when you’re soft with him, holding his hands while you ride him, caressing his arms and chest while leaving kisses all over his face.

Loves it when you edge and overstimulate him.

Needs lots of cuddles and praise afterwards, usually falls asleep on your chest.

He's just so cute and needy, literally everything you do turns him on. You’re cuddling? He’s hard. Dancing around the kitchen? Hard. Folding laundry? Hard.

Loves when you do extra little things to take care him or buy him lil gifts, it makes him feel special and appreciated!

Namjoon:

Honestly, it takes so much work for him to let go and fall into a sub headspace, but once he does, he turns into such a clingy baby.

Like normally he looks kinda intimidating, but deep down he’s just a giant teddy bear.

You’re gonna need the cuffs for this one, for multiple reasons.

He gets so impatient sometimes and almost involuntarily tries to take over, bucking up into you or gripping your hands/hips to guide your movements.

He literally has to have his hands on you at all times, whether that grasping at your waist hips, groping your chest, or just holding your hands(not letting him touch you in one the biggest punishments for him)

Will actually beg to taste you or for you to ride his face, like he needs to be between your thighs, however brief it may be, or he’ll sulk.

As vocal as he is when he doms, he goes almost non-verbal when he’s really in sub-space, only letting out little whimpers and whines of your name.

Actually prefers looking after you during aftercare to help him come down, needs a fair bit of reassurance afterwards. “Did I do good?”(of course you did, you djehfksjdkwjf)

Jimin:

The best behaved boy. Choke him, cuff him, blindfold him, he’ll take whatever you give him and say thank you🥺

Not exactly a brat, but he can’t resist making sassy little comments to rile you up sometimes when he wants to be punished.

On the flip side, he’s very much a people pleaser and has a massive praise kink, so he needs to hear that he’s doing good and making you happy.(could probably cum untouched from just you petting and praising him)

Lets out the prettiest whines and moans when you ride or peg him

Loves dressing up for you, whether in pretty little lingerie pieces, or a shirt/outfit in your favorite color for date night.

Lowkey sugarbaby vibes. He gets so blushy and smiley when you buy him lil gifts like jewelry or accessories and always makes sure to wear them for you cause he’s your pretty little baby.

Has a slight oral fixation and tends to fall asleep while sucking on your chest, fingers, or even your neck.

Taehyung:

Puppy. Just an absolute puppy, like actually call him that pls, he will dissolve.

He is slightly into petplay, but nothing too extreme, mainly just a pretty collar for you to pull him around by or to hold onto while he rides your strap-on.

Definitely has his bratty moments every now and then, but he really can’t handle a lot of punishment, so he’s always super apologetic.

Lowkey voyeuristic, loves the idea of someone seeing or overhearing the two of you together and just how much of a mess you make him.

Dresses up for you, whether that’s lingerie or just a sweater you really like on him(tho he will come to you wearing nothing but that, like a reverse of the ‘wearing their shirt’ thing)

He's surprisingly good at keeping edged and overstimulated, so he can handle and actually really likes long, drawn out handjobs.

Really likes non-sexual shows of dominance from you. Like when you treat him to meals/drinks, or hold onto him to guide him around, it makes him feel cared for.😊

Jungkook:

Right on the line between good boy and brat. He likes to run his mouth and challenge you, but once you start doling out punishments, he turns into the softest baby. “I’m sorry Jagi, I’ll be good, I promise. Please still let me cum!”🥺

Super unsubtle and touchy when he’s in a subby mood(tho, he’s not exactly subtle the rest of the time either, so), kneading your hips as he grinds against you, pleading softly for you to please come help take care of his ‘problem’.

So fucking squirmy, he can’t keep still even if he tried, hips bucking and twitching involuntarily with every little touch.

He’s just soo sensitive and cums super fast whenever he subs.

He’s very middle ground on kinks and everything. He likes a lot of the harder stuff like bondage and degradation, but he needs some softer treatment mixed in and a lot of aftercare to balance out or else he’ll feel bad.

He actually really loves it tho when you make him cry from teasing and overstimulation.

Lowkey loves when you look after him in non sexual ways, making sure he’s alright and letting your protective side show through.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks for the Sub (ksj) | Chapter Four

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 19.5k

Release date: June 11, 2024

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn, coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: As you spend more time with Seokjin, the threads seem to be even more tangled than before. Memories of the past threaten to ruin everything that the two of you have. Are you sure this is what you really want anyway?

Chapter Warnings (Oh god bear with me in this): angst, miscommunication (sorry sorry sorry we need it for the plot), cursing, alcohol, insecurity and self doubt, sexual harassment online and offline, pet names, fat!reader (we love to see it), sexual fantasies in the form of oral sex/face riding, Seokjin gets hard like 3 times (pretend to be shocked), masturbation, references to menstruation and first time sexual fantasies/masturbation, lingerie, sex toys, boundaries & lack of boundaries, references to poorly written novels (derogatory), verbal abuse from family members, gaslighting

a/n: Hi. I know it's been a while. Thank you for your patience. This week especially has been rough as my family lost one of our pet cats unexpectedly, but I wanted to put my best foot forward and share this chapter with y'all to enjoy our Seokjin's return! I hope you enjoy this chapter and that its length will tide you over. I have a special festa treat planned with another chapter for y'all this week, and I promise it'll have been worth the wait. Enjoy! -h

SpringDay: He didn’t leave a note

Wonu15: Was he supposed to?

SpringDay: No, but…idk

Wonu15: Then why are you upset if that wasn’t in your agreement

SpringDay: IDK!!!!!! Because we talked about things? At least, a little bit? And he saw me cry and he held me. 

Wonu15: But did you ask him to stay the night? Did you ask him to leave you a note? 

SpringDay: No

Wonu15: Well

SpringDay: I know!!!! I get it!!!

Wonu15: Maybe you should tell him

Wonu15: That you’re in love with him

SpringDay: Fuck you

“Ugh!” You exit your chat app and toss your phone across the covers as you roll over in your bed, inhaling the pillow that now smells of Seokjin. 

He was here. Last night. He held you in his lap on your bed. He moved your furniture around for you. He stayed until you fell asleep. And even after that for a bit longer. You’d felt a chill, possibly as he left the bed, and it was enough to wake you. 

It was still dark, but the sun was creeping in slowly. Enough that you could see his slightly mussed hair sticking up in the back, a yawn escaping him with a sigh as he idled in the doorway, almost like he was hesitating before he left. 

If you didn’t know any better, you would think you dreamed it all up, but as soon as you heard the door click shut behind him, you found yourself curling around that warm spot in your sheets and falling back asleep. 

And that’s where you’ve been for most of the day, savoring the feeling of him in your bed or standing in the kitchen slightly hungover as you finished off the rest of last night’s pizza. You’ve apologized to your followers for skipping last night’s stream, promising that you’ll make up for it tonight. 

Your stomach clenches a bit at the idea of an encore performance from the last time you were live. Maybe Seokjin could come over and hang around while you get started? At least for a little bit?

He probably has better things to do than hang around your place. 

True. You had monopolized so much of his time last night, and it didn’t even amount to an actual stream. It’s selfish to assume he has nothing better to do than to sit around and monitor you to make sure you don’t succumb to peer pressure. 

You need to be an adult and do this on your own. 

With a sigh, you hoist yourself up out of bed and over to your computer. Everything you went over yesterday feels like a blur. At this point, you’re not entirely sure what you’re supposed to do. You remember he mentioned something about utilizing wishlists as a monetary solution to some of the more unhinged followers. 

If they have money to spend, let them spend it. But don’t compromise your morals to do so. 

Is that something he encounters often? It has to be. You wonder what streaming was like for Seokjin at first, all the ways he compromised himself for his followers. Is the dominant persona he exudes even authentic? What if he’s more submissive or even plain vanilla and just doing all this for the money? 

You can’t say you’d blame him. That last stream had you feeling as though you were sitting on the blade of a knife as you debated what the extra cut of money could bring you. Your heartbeat pounds more heavily in your chest, a few beats feeling like they’re piercing into your throat. 

It feels awful to know the way money has made you so powerless. And now here you are, about to force yourself onto a stream for some extra bucks in this month’s payout. 

How does Seokjin do it, really? You don’t want to pressure him into talking about it. Not when you two aren’t intimate like that. But you can’t help but wonder why and how streaming, much less streaming sex, doesn’t tear him apart each time. 

You wish you could ask him.  

Your reminder on your phone alerts you and you groan, forcing yourself away from the desktop and into the bathroom to shower. In your hamper, you spot Seokjin’s pink button down that he’d lent you last night. 

It felt like a piece of armor then, shrouding you from the chill of anxiety. Even now, as you lift it up to your nose, that comforting and fresh smell of his detergent begins to settle the sourness of your gut. 

Maybe you could do this alone, after all. Just, with a little encouragement from a friend. 

“You’re a fucking idiot,” someone said.

“I am not!” Another voice. A deeper one.

“You asked her if she wanted to fuck!”

“I did not! I asked if she wanted to come over and eat ramyeon! That’s all that it means!”

“No, no hyung, he’s right. That’s not at all what it means.” 

Words. Seokjin was hearing them flurry around him, picking up the tail end of whatever story Namjoon was telling the group. But he wasn’t really listening. He was too tired. He had napped for about an hour in his office earlier, though it was unintentional. He was sitting at his desk, placing a produce order when he felt one of his eyelids shut. Then the other. The next thing he knew, someone was banging on the door saying the register was jammed and they needed the key. 

He had left your apartment late. Right when the sun was beginning to rise. And he probably wouldn’t have even left then if it wasn’t for the fact that you finally had rolled off of him after about an hour of you sleeping heavily on his chest. 

You talk in your sleep, he learned. Not a lot, but in little murmurs, usually yes or no spilling out of your mouth with ease. He was grateful for them, because otherwise he would have fallen asleep with your body slotted against him perfectly, the weight of your head and arm on him just enough to tumble him into a state of safety. 

Both too late and too soon, you moved, rolled onto your other side. And then Seokjin left. 

He debated leaving a note so you would know he wasn’t bailing, going so far as to find a pen and notepad from the kitchen fridge to write on, but then he knocked sense into himself. Notes were for people who left after hookups when unsure whether or not they were welcome to stay the whole night. You’d invited him over, sure, but as friends. You would have of course expected him to leave after you fell asleep, as that was the agreement. Right? 

Seokjin had danced around your living room for ten minutes, pacing back and forth, looking like a crazy detective searching for clues. What would he even say in it? If he left one would you think that he’d expected you guys to have sex? 

So he didn’t, he tossed the notepad on the side table as he grabbed his things, aware now that his button down had gone missing since you changed into your pajamas, but he didn’t have time to look for it, and didn’t want to further snoop through your stuff to reclaim it. 

By the time he left, the sun was up, and he had just enough time to rush the few blocks to work. Besides that nap, he hadn’t slept at all last night. 

And now he was on Jungkook and Taehyung’s couch, a beer magically in his hand that he didn’t remember getting while his friends apparently talked about…ramyeon? 

“–clearly your fault you choose to pretend you’re so old and stay out of touch. Seokjin-hyung knows what that means, don’t you hyung?” 

Who was talking to him? He grunted, hoping whoever it was would let that be enough of an answer. 

“Hyung?” Jungkook. That’s who was talking to him. 

Seokjin blinked. His contacts felt like sandpaper in his eyes. 

“Don’t bother with him. He hasn’t had a single sip of that beer since he got here and has been zoned out staring at that wall for about thirty minutes,” Yoongi said, moving from Seokjin’s periphery into full view. 

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asked gently, clearly concerned but also possibly using this moment to help redirect whatever teasing he was facing. 

“Just tired,” Seokjin responded. 

“Oh yeah, you had to work today. And you were at Y/N’s to help her with her stream last night, right? How did that go by the way?” Jimin asked. 

“What stream?” Seokjin asked, confused. And then he remembered. That was the whole point he had gone over there in the first place. 

“Um, you know, the one that you went to her place for?” Jimin’s eyebrows knit together. The rest of the group craned their heads in Seokjin’s direction, curious.

“She, um, she didn’t end up streaming.”

“Then, what time did you leave?” A broken, awkward silence fell over his friends as Seokjin shifted in his seat. 

It suddenly felt oppressively warm in here, and heat creeped up his neck as he tried to string words together. 

“I think like…7?” 

“So you got there, only to turn around and leave? So why didn’t you sleep last night? You look like shit,” Taehyung added unhelpfully. 

Yoongi rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “Is everyone really this clueless today or are you all fucking with me?”

He pushed himself up from the beat-up leather armchair, his usual space during their hangouts and sauntered over to the small bar Taehyung and Jungkook had right off the dining area. He took his time, uncapping the bottle of whiskey Seokjin presumed they kept mostly for Yoongi’s benefit, and filled one of the highball glasses left out for him. 

Once Yoongi started drinking whiskey, everyone knew to prepare themselves for an evening of his contemplative and sometimes unfiltered ranting. This was when his self-proclaimed ADHD seemed to shine best. 

“Honestly, you guys still don’t see it do you.” 

“See what exactly?” Seokjin asked, finally awake enough to formulate sentences. 

Yoongi studied his glass for a moment and in a final decision plucked the entire bottle from the bar and brought it back to his group of friends. He groaned as he sat back in the chair, like it was painful to do so on his bones, like he was the age of Seokjin's father and not merely thirty. 

Yoongi knocked back his first glass of the whiskey, smacking his lips afterward. 

In the corner of his eye, Seokjin saw Jimin roll his in annoyance. 

“Can we get to the point?” He asked. 

Yoongi shot him a look, and then placed the glass down on the coffee table. 

“First of all, Taehyung-ah, he didn’t leave early. Hyung here left late. As in this morning. He was obviously out all night.”

Namjoon snorted. “Hyung, this isn’t a detective drama. We all kind of figured.” 

“I didn’t,” Taehyung objected.

“We know,” Namjoon chuckled and turned his attention back to Yoongi. “Ok, oh wise one, what is it that we all seem to be missing?”

Yoongi pouted, but he recovered his dramatic flair. It was something everyone knew to give him the space to perform, the odd pause in his quiet nature usually a sign that he needed attention and didn’t know how to ask. 

“Well, when you put it that way, maybe I won’t say.” A slight smirk cracked through Yoongi’s façade. 

“Did you guys sleep together or something?” Hoseok blurted, which had an immediate rush of blood to Seokjin’s head as he flooded with embarrassment. 

“No! God, no we didn’t!” He didn’t want to mention that yes, technically you slept with him, just not in that way. 

“Pfft, relax. Of course he didn’t. You think this guy will be looking all mopey after he finally gets laid again? No, he’s going to have that stupid dopey grin he always had with…you know,” Yoongi recovered the attention of the room, Soon Yi’s name unsaid but stirring a bit of unease among his friends. Yoongi and her had been particularly close during the period of Seokjin and her dating, having been his roommate for quite some time. He’d learned to weave his life around Soon Yi’s presence, over time warming up to her during the days he returned from class to find her studying on Seokjin’s bed and waiting for him to come home. Since the breakup, he’s always refused to say her name. 

“Ah, the dopey grin, I almost forgot about that.” Jimin’s warm voice filled in the gaps where Yoongi’s sudden coldness cast, sitting himself on the edge of the leather armchair as he plucked the glass of whiskey Yoongi had just poured from his hands and gulped it down. 

Yoongi glared at Jimin, but it faded quickly as Jimin winked back at him. He was clearly trying to lighten the mood, and Yoongi took the bait, softening back into Jimin’s outreached arm that began rubbing circles down his back. 

“I’m right here,” Seokjin said lamely, but his friends ignored him. He put the beer up to his lips and let it flood into his mouth. It was warm. Gross. 

“Do you think he’s going to start doing that thing again where he’s late for everything because he’s too busy having sex with Y/N all the time to manage his time better? Because that was annoying,” Jungkook complained. 

Seokjin spluttered, choking on the beer. “Wh-what?!”

Everyone laughed, including Namjoon, who gave Seokjin a sympathetic look. “I think now that he streams all the time, his time management skills have improved.”

“Besides, it seemed more like it was Soon Yi who was causing that issue. She was chronically late for everything. Is Y/N late for things?” Hoseok added. 

Seokjin blinked. How did this conversation even get to this point? 

“What the fuck is going on?” He asked, exasperated. 

Yoongi chuckled, stepping back into his guiding elder persona with ease. “You’re down bad for Y/N, obviously. We are just trying to be supportive.” 

“I am not!” He argued, the heat of embarrassment now turning into anger. 

“You are too,” Taehyung argued. “I’ve seen you at work with her a few times. You are always staring at her like she’s the most delicious thing you’d ever eat. You want her so bad, hyung.” 

Seokjin glared at Taehyung. “Just because I look at her sometimes doesn’t mean I am in love with her.” 

“Okay Namjoon, I take it back. You’re not a fucking idiot. Or maybe you still are, but Jin-hyung takes the cake as the biggest fucking idiot here.” Hoseok said, a humorless laugh flying from his chest. “Wow. No one said you’re in love with her.”

Seokjin’s face flushed. 

“Aww, don’t be embarrassed hyung!” 

“Yeah, you don’t have to tell us all your secrets.”

“Did you have sex though?”

“Taehyung-ah!”

“What? You’re the one who asked in the first place!” 

“So?”

“So, I know you’re curious too. I want to know which one of his porn star moves he pulled out of hiding. Did he Full Nelson her or was it purely missionary? Nah, nah, he’s too dirty for that. Hyung, did you Full Nelson her?”

“Wait, what’s a Full Nelson?”

“It’s a wrestling move,” Namjoon said.

“It’s a sex thing!”

“No. You’re making that up!”

“Hyung, is that a sex thing?”

“Yah! Shut up!” Yoongi said, and four pairs of eyebrows shot up as Namjoon, Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook broke away from their conversation to come back down to Earth. 

Seokjin’s hands were sweaty and he jostled his leg anxiously as his friends composed themselves. 

“Sorry,” Taehyung mumbled. 

Jimin sighed, finally pulling his hand away from Yoongi’s back. 

“Maybe we should let Seokjin-hyung speak,” he suggested, gesturing to his anxious friend. 

Everyone nodded sheepishly. 

Seokjin took a deep breath, not even sure where to begin. 

“Well, I…First of all, Y/N and I really didn’t have sex. She had a panic attack over the possibility of me being gay for some reason. Er, well not me being gay but asking the question. And that seemed to be something for her that opened the floodgates to an entire larger panic attack. So, after I cooked us jeon, we just kinda hung out and ditched the idea of the stream. And then, she did fall asleep on me for a bit.” 

The memory of you this morning flooded his thoughts, how your hair skimming across his arms as you shifted your head gave him goosebumps. Or that your scent had invaded his clothes, his nose, so much so that he could just picture you and the soft, sweet smell would manifest around him. 

“Oh, oh hyung.” 

“Don’t look at me like that!” Seokjin shrieked as Jimin frowned. 

His friends all sat quietly, sipping their drinks. Taehyung awkwardly stood up, stating he needed to use the bathroom before he exited the room. 

“When did it start getting this serious for you?” Namjoon asked. 

Seokjin’s eyebrows knit together. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We aren’t serious. We aren’t even together.” 

“He means when did you start having feelings for her hyung? I know we said that none of us were accusing you of being in love with her, but are you sure that it’s just about sex, or friendship, or whatever it is you keep saying it is?”

Love. That word felt like fire in his brain. He couldn’t possibly love you. Not when he barely knew you. Not when he only just stood in your apartment for the first time, saw you asleep on him. What Seokjin knew about love was something faded and dusty, shoved under his bed in an old shoebox and hard to name. It had been so long since he felt the early feelings of life with Soon Yi.

Soon Yi. That was love, wasn’t it? The hot poker of constant chaos, being whisked away from one thing to another with pleasure and delight. Wasn’t that supposed to be what love was? He remembered ripping apart magazines with her in her dorm room to make a large collage that she created from top to bottom. All the colors swirling around them as they shredded page after page and refit together. Things clashed, patterns divided themselves into a kaleidoscope around her room. That was how Soon Yi was. A kaleidoscope of every color Seokjin had ever thought imaginable. 

And she was like that for him too, when she laid underneath him that night, her body wrapped around his in every way imaginable, thrown from the bed to the floor as they christened every surface of that space imaginable. 

With you, things weren’t able to be defined by colors. Instead, all Seokjin knew was that the heaviness and the intensity of first love wasn’t at all how he experienced you. No, you were like a fire that ignited in him, and he knew it. Scorched away every faded bit of that box under the bed and licked your flame along every part of him. 

The way he so easily complied with you last night, despite the fact that he knew it would be bad for you both to be so close. Letting you lie on him while he sat there hard just by breathing in your sweetness. How his body responded like this was some first love despite the fact that it wasn’t, and he found himself changing the rules of his life every single time a sigh left your lips. That couldn’t be love, only fascination, only primal, sexual curiosity. 

He’d admit his crush, but love? There was no way this could be it. 

“No,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m…I’m not in love with her.”

“But–” Jungkook began, but Jimin silenced him with a look. 

“No,” he repeated. “I’m not in love with her. I have a crush. And we’re friends. And yeah, I am really really ‘down bad’ for her like Yoongi said. But it’s not like that.” 

Jungkook rubbed his eyes with the back of his fists, sighing in clear frustration. 

“Alright, hyung,” Jimin said gently. “Alright.” 

Just then, Seokjin’s phone pinged, and his heart plunged right into his stomach. 

You were live? Now? Without him there? 

That wasn’t in your agreement anyway. You agreed to help her stream. You helped her. Now she doesn’t need you. 

That little bit of knowledge felt like a twisted knife, but he ignored it anyway, rapidly tapping the alert on his phone that led him to the app. 

“What’s that about?” Hoseok asked. 

His other friends repeated the question, filling the room with a hum of curiosity. 

“Shut up!” he snapped, clicking the side button to turn up the volume. 

“–and yeah sorry about not streaming last night. Time kind of slipped away from me. But I plan on making it up to you guys, I promise.” Your voice echoed throughout the living room, hushing Seokjin’s friends as they hunched forward to see what was the cause of his sudden irritation. 

“Is that…?” Yoongi began. 

“Yes,” Taehyung said as he waltzed back into the room, patting his damp hands on the back of his pants. “That’s her.” 

“Oh, oh okay I get it now,” Namjoon said. “Leave it to hyung to be down bad for someone who dresses just like him.” 

What? Seokjin squinted at the screen, taking in your appearance: your hair was loosely curled around your face, some juicy pink lip gloss that he knew tasted like strawberries (he’d smelled it on you before) glazing your mouth, and a black lace bustier that was barely being covered by a pink linen button down was peeking out. One that looked exactly like the one he was wearing last night.

“Because that is my shirt,” he replied, dazed. 

“What?” Jimin said, hurling himself across the coffee table and yanking the phone from Seokjin’s hands. 

Jungkook followed behind Jimin, resting his chin on his friend’s shoulder as he squinted at you on the screen. “Can we make it any bigger? I can’t see shit from here.” 

“No!” Seokjin protested, but it was clear he wouldn’t win this argument. 

“Wait, why does she have your shirt?” Yoongi asked as Jimin and Jungkook fumbled with the television setup to cast the stream. 

Seokjin glared at his friend. Hoseok laughed, sliding into the spot next to him and offering him some shrimp chips. 

“Who cares? The better question is why is she wearing it on her live stream over her lingerie?” 

“Ah, true.” 

Yoongi turned to Seokjin expectantly, like he would somehow know the reason. Honestly, he wondered the same. 

You weren’t ready for this. You two had barely covered the basics yesterday. Why were you streaming when the arrangement was between the two of you to do this together? Did you just not want his help anymore? Or did all the talking and your panic attack yesterday make you rethink things?

What if you had really wanted him to leave last night or your emotions got the best of you and you regretted everything? Seokjin could feel the spiral of his thoughts starting to unwind as he tried to figure out what the explanation for this stream was. 

“A-ha! Ok, we got it,” Jimin said as he clicked through the series of menu permissions to cast a larger version of you onto the screen. 

You were reading your comments, lightly gnawing on your lip. Nerves, he realized. 

“Oh, uh, yeah, we can play the same game as last time. We didn’t quite finish, did we?” You said, rolling your neck and flexing your shoulders. As you did, your breasts thrust further toward the camera, plush skin Seokjin dreamt of shoving his face into so many times now fully on display for all his friends. 

“Oh, fuck,” Jungkook said from somewhere in the room. Seokjin had no clue. He couldn’t break his gaze as you giggled at something in your comments. He felt heat head south from his face. 

“Jesus hyung.” Hoseok said. “I don’t know how you get through a workday with her without getting hard.” 

“He doesn’t,” Taehyung added unhelpfully. 

He heard the air behind him shift, before a soft thwack and Taehyung’s responding groan informed him that someone had thrown a pillow at him. 

“Okay, so new rules,” you said.“From now on, if any of you say something super perverted, you’ll be unable to comment until the next stream. I’ll have my mods ban you from commenting. The only way you can get on my good side again and get yourself unbanned during a stream is if you fulfill something off of my wish list I added. You can type #springwishes and see all I’ve put on there. Sound good?” You smirked at your camera, a little bite of confidence spreading through you. 

Seokjin’s chest clenched, a tiny bit of relief washing over him as he saw you get your bearings, the comments spamming that hashtag for the link to your wishlist, which he’d advised you to make as a form of incentive and distraction during moments when you felt overwhelmed. If people were getting into deep waters with a topic, you could always redirect to the wishlist, making it more of a prize for your viewers to partake in versus punishment. 

“Alright, so let’s do this,” you said. “Game on.”

Maybe he was overreacting. In the last hour he and his friends spent intently watching your stream, you seemed to navigate your chat a little more with ease, or at least with redirection. 

Yoongi had nodded off in his chair despite the earth-shattering moans your game was crying out as you tripped different combos. You were getting better at the game, and as you finished another level that gave you the prize of some more very not safe for work photos by your “girls”, a heavy yawn escaped through your lips. 

Maybe you didn’t need his help after all. For what it’s worth, you seemed to be settling in comfortably to your performance aspect of the role, sometimes twirling bits of hair in your fingers, earning yourself half a dozen new subs and a few new things from your wishlist. 

“Wow, we’re making good progress,” you said, reaching for your water bottle and pouting at your screen as you sipped from the straw. 

The comments had become more mild during the game when you were fully immersed. Seokjin had been monitoring them closely, seeing your mod Wonwoo diligently screening spam out of the comments. 

But now that your attention had shifted, they were being flooded once more with people vying for your attention. 

Str3amballzak: Wanna fuk those tits

(Str3amballzak has been banned from the chat room)

Lickemup: sit on my face

(Lickemup has been banned from the chat room)

“And so it begins,” you said sarcastically, sipping more water from your straw as you switched your camera view to just you instead of the game. 

(Str3amballzak has fulfilled wish list item number 7: new streaming headphones)

Str3amballzak: worth it

“You guys are working hard at getting yourself permanently banned,” you said, rolling your eyes. “But thanks I guess.” 

Str3amballzak: ur welcome baby

Str3amballzak: ever do private streams?

“No, I don’t do private streams Mr. Ball Sack. Or Ball Zak? Anyway, do you want to go in time out again?” 

Str3amballzak: fine ill behave. 

Str3amballzak: daddy just wants to spoil u

Str3amballzak: u should put some other toys on that wish list ;) 

Heat flooded Seokjin’s face as he read the chat messages fluttering by. This was going south quickly. 

“Not your baby,” you said with a scoff. “And no thanks daddy. I’m good.”

“God, these dudes are gross. Is this the same kind of comments you get, Seokjin-hyung?” Jungkook asked. 

“At first, kind of. But not much anymore. On occasion someone will try to dom me from the chat, but there’s a tip feature for that,’ he responded, eyebrows furrowed as he studied your face for any discomfort. Annoyance, sure, but you could handle that. His hands still hovered over his phone, ready to intervene in a moment’s notice.  

(Lickemup has fulfilled wishlist item number 3: electric kettle)

Lickemup: something to keep you warm if it’s not my tongue in your pussy 

(Lickemup has been banned from the chat room)

(Lickemup has fulfilled wishlist item number 0: mystery gift)

Lickemup: loophole? 

“Oh,” you said, eyes going wide. “I…I didn’t know that was an option.” 

Seokjin didn’t either. And he certainly didn’t know what a “mystery gift” was. What he did know was that this wishlist would mail you anything without giving away your address. But that meant it could be anything. 

Uh oh. 

User27271: wanna cum on your face 

(User27271 has been banned from the chatroom)

(User27271 has fulfilled wish list item number 0: mystery gift)

User27271: hope you like pet play 

(User27271 has been banned from the chat room)

User8008s: stroking my dick to your pretty face rn

(User8008s has been banned from the chatroom)

(User8008s has fulfilled wish list item number 0: mystery gift)

User8008s: 💦

“Jesus Christ, guys,” you said weakly as the chaos of the loophole began to take over your chat, dozens more accounts flooding the comments to do the work around, plunging into the raunchiest of comments before being banned, then fulfilling some mystery gift before being banned again, this time for good. Seokjin looked at the view counter in the corner. It was rising exponentially. 

He could see how quickly your control was leaving you, the glassiness of your eyes and shakiness of your voice as you fought to reel in your chat leading you toward the verge of a breakdown. 

“Is there any way to turn that feature off?” Jungkook asked helplessly, his eyes wide as another onslaught of cyber attacks began.

“I don’t know, I didn’t even know it had this option,” Seokjin said, his voice tight as he helplessly watched you begin to shrink away from the spotlight he had spent hours with you yesterday practicing to do the exact opposite in. 

You pulled the shirt tighter across your body, and that seemed to spring him into action: you there in his shirt, this chaotic chat undoing the work you’d done in a matter of minutes. Fuck those people. 

“There has to be something we can do,” Jimin said, and Namjoon whipped out his phone, searching up the parameters of the wish list site you had used. 

“Tell her to just have her mods turn the entire feature off in the meantime,” Hoseok said, tapping his foot anxiously. 

Seokjin nodded, typing the message into the chat box. 

JokeJinSeokjin: Turn off your the gifting feature

But his comment was lost in the slew of the chat. He knew there was no way you would see it. 

“She definitely isn’t going to see that!” Taehyung groaned. 

“Call her, hyung. You have her number,” Yoongi said, his voice gravelly from just waking up. 

Right, a phone call. He could do that. 

Seokjin opened his contact list and dialed your number. He knew you kept your phone on silent during your stream, but in a moment of luck, you looked down, where he assumed your phone was at and hastily pressed the accept call button. 

“Hello?” Your voice sounded like a wild echo through the TV; the sound delay was just enough to warp you. 

Seokjin stood and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He didn’t even bother turning on the light, something about the isolation away from his friends and the darkness feeling like a comfort, like you two were in your own little world and not being put on blast in front of thousands. 

“Turn off your chat commands. Now,” he ordered. 

“Oh, uh, I don’t know how,” you said, then groaned. “Guys please I don’t want any of this. Get it the fuck together.” You paused. “What do you mean who am I talking to on the phone? It’s none of your goddamn business.” 

“Y/N,” Seokjin warned. You needed to stop engaging. 

“I know! I know, okay?” you snapped, and Seokjin nodded, even though you couldn’t see him. You took a shaky breath after a moment. “Are you watching?”

“I was but I needed my phone to call you so I’m not right now. Why? Is something happening?”

“No it’s just–never mind. I have set myself on away and muted so I can unlink this option. Wonwoo is turning off the chat completely for me.” 

“Good,” he responded and opened a browser window, typing in his query. “Okay I looked it up and you need to click the right toggle in your stream settings and scroll down until you see ‘outside links’ and then–”

“Slower, please!” You said exasperated. 

“You can always turn the whole stream off,” he said gently and you huffed in response. 

You paused for a beat. “I don’t want to. I was fine before this whole thing started. I want to do this.” You sounded like you were on the verge of crying. He knew this meant a lot to you. So much of the first few stream’s success determines your future. He knew this. Saw it happen in his own online presence. If you lost a lot of followers tonight, you’d probably not regain them. And then your payout at the end of the month would be a fraction of what you were receiving. 

“Okay. Yes. Then let’s take a deep breath,” he said, taking a deep breath of his own for you to follow. He heard the soft inhale through the receiver, and smirked. 

“Now let’s get you all set up. See that toggle on the right?” 

You hummed a response. “I think so.” 

“Okay, now go down. You see the external link options?” 

A pause. “Can’t you just do it for me?” You whined and Seokjin laughed. 

“I could but I’m across town at a friend’s house. It would be easy if you do it yourself.” 

He wanted to kick himself for saying that. Because he would be out the door in a heartbeat, would Uber or sprint toward you. But by the time he got there, it would be too late. Too much chaos was happening at once, and this needed to stop now.  

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to keep you—“ 

Seokjin clicked his tongue. “None of that, now. Focus.” 

If he did show up at your house to help, he also knows what would happen next. After the momentary panic was over, you would be pissed that you didn’t handle things on your own. At work, however big the mess, you were always insistent on doing it yourself. Here was no exception. 

After a few clicks he heard a gasp. “Got it!” 

“Good job, princess. You did well.” 

“Oh…thank you. Not without your help though,” you said meekly.

He knew you were running out of time. In a few minutes, you’d be back to kick ass in your stream, and life would go on. So he chose his next few words carefully. 

“I thought you wanted me to be there for your first stream.”

“I..well…I did, but I felt guilty and like I had to stream tonight. I didn’t want to bother you, but it looks like I did that anyway, huh?” 

“You’re not bothering me, ever. You asked for my help with this.” 

“And you did! You helped so much.”

An awkward silence fell between you two as Seokjin thought. He exhaled roughly.  

“So, what now? Are you just trying to get rid of me or something? Did I do something wrong?” His voice shook, the hurt he tried to conceal penetrated through the evenness of his tone. 

“No! No it’s not like that,” you said quickly. “I just, I feel like I had to.”

“Had to what?”

“Stream. I felt bad and like I owed it to them today.”

“Why?”

“I…I don’t know really,” you said softly. “Because I’m desperate for the cash. And that sounds awful I know. But I want to make sure that when summer term comes around, I am ready for it financially. And my parents have been calling me a lot and I just…I’m sorry. Are you mad at me?”

He could hear the edge of your voice as you got more worked up, your last word cracking slightly like you were trying not to cry. 

“No, no I’m not mad, Y/N.” 

“Are you sure? Because I know you are helping and you already are spending time with me and it’s not like you don’t have other things to take care of! Like you had to work this morning and I got a text from Mino saying he caught you asleep in your office snoring. I didn’t tell him it was because of me, but god, if I could get this shit together, your services wouldn’t be necessary.”

“I’m not mad. Really, I think you’re trying to find reasons for me to be mad at you but I’m not. And don’t worry about my sleep schedule. It was one night out. I’m not that old for one night not sleeping in my bed to ruin my entire life.”

You hummed in response. 

“Listen, Y/N, I chose to stay out all night knowing I had to open today. You might be persuasive but you aren’t that good to manipulate me into anything. I was there because I wanted to be there. Okay?”

You hummed again. 

“I need some kind of verbal acknowledgement other than ‘hmm’.”

“Sorry. Okay.” 

“Okay what?”

“I was listening!”

“I know you were, that’s not why I’m asking.”

You sighed. “Fine, okay I am not manipulating you. You wanted to be here.” You paused. “Seokjin?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t know if I can go back.. Like, what do I do? I’ve already been gone for ten minutes and Wonwoo is blowing up my texts and…” Your voice broke, and he could hear the quiet sound of you crying. 

“Hey, breathe, princess. It’s okay. You can always just turn your computer off. The people watching were assholes.”

“Not all of them,” you muttered back. “God what is wrong with me?”

Seokjin turned on the light to the bathroom. His clothes were crumpled, heavy circles under his puffy eyes and disheveled hair making him look like some washed up finance guy. Honestly, he looked a lot like how he used to back when he did work in finance. 

“Nothing is wrong with you, and you know it. You’re perfect. A mess, and really bad at remembering to put the pickled radishes back in the fridge when you’re done with them, but that’s still pretty great all things considered.”

He heard a chuckle on the other end. “Yeah, I’m such a winner. Ugh, I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do.” 

“Let me help, then,” he offered.

You took a deep breath. “Okay, what do I do?”

He chuckled. “I’m not going to decide that for you. That’s something you need to figure out. But, I’ll give you a few options. First, you can just shut your computer down completely and not apologize, not explain yourself. Your chat and any good subscribers that you actually want to have around will understand. You’re forgetting that there were thousands of people watching, and the loudest ones were the trolls, but they weren’t the only ones there.

“The other option,” Seokjin cleared his throat. “Is that you can go back out there, finish the stream, leave your comments off, and do what you want to do. I can’t guarantee it’ll be as lucrative but you will at least won’t be engaging with those idiots anyway.”

He let you mull it over, opening the medicine cabinet and rifling through his friends’ things. Eyedrops, god, his eyes were on fire from these contact lenses. He had a pair of glasses in his work bag, but they were a little old and frankly kind of stupid looking. 

“Okay, I think…I think I want to try again. And like you said, I’ll keep the comments off this time.”

“That’s my girl,” Seokjin sighed as he squirted some solution into his burning eyes. Then he paused. “I mean, uh, you know. Good job.” 

You chuckled on the other end. God he really needed to monitor himself better. Something about his conversations with you were becoming less careful by the hour. 

“Thanks, I know what you meant. And thank you again.”

You paused again. “Is there something wrong, Y/N?” Seokjin asked. 

“Well, it’s just. I want to do this, I do. But I’m not. God I don’t know, it's like I’m frozen in place. I just feel like there’s so many things I need you to show me before I get good at this.”

“Like what?” 

“I don’t know. How to be sexy without ruining my career, how to just dust everything off and get back out there. That’s what you do all the time! With uh, with work and everything.”

Seokjin chuckled a little. Dusting things off was hardly something he was good at, but he did know how important it was to get back out there. He wasn’t quite sure what you’d meant in relation to work since that wasn’t really a space for it, but that wasn’t his focus. Instead it was on something else. 

“You…think I’m sexy?”

“Oh, uh…yeah duh. Don’t let it go to your head though, everyone thinks that.”

Seokjin could think of quite a few people who didn’t think that, actually. 

“Fine, fine, I’ll let it slide. And you’re right, it is important to just dust things off and move on. But that’s just one thing that I want to show you. There’s so many other things for you to learn.”

So many things. He felt proud knowing that you were doing this on your own, even after this hiccup; it meant that you were doing exactly what he’d tried to teach you yesterday. Even if you faltered once. It was impressive. And he couldn’t help but think of how much you were going to grow from this experience, how many doors it opened up for you, for both of you to forge a stronger connection. He wanted to show you all sorts of things, not just with streaming, but with him. How after seeing your apartment and couch with a dent in it, he wanted you to create a dent in his couch as you read books from your collection. Or that even in his large chef’s kitchen he had in his luxury apartment, he could stand side-by-side next to you prepping more carrots for other foods. 

Maybe cake this time. And when you inevitably spilled ingredients all over the place like you did at work, globs of cream cheese frosting on your cheeks, he’d laugh and find it endearing as you always were, and try not to think about your tongue doing more naughty things to him as you lick it off of your fingers. How you clearly had a little stubborn bratty streak in you that liked to tease and tempt him, and without a doubt you would spend an extra long and thorough job making sure he had a front row seat to you sucking your fingers into your mouth. Just like how you knew you were sitting in that apartment of yours right now, his pink shirt wrapping around your large perfect tits. What were you wearing on the bottom of that ensemble, even? That bustier that was so goddamn tantalizing. Did it have matching panties? Were you wearing those too? He knew you well enough to know you were probably wearing some kind of jogger bottom since people didn’t get to see your fantastic ass in the camera view. 

Good. That was something Seokjin didn’t have to feel jealous of. They could get their fill of your breasts on this stream, but he knew what that soft tummy looked like, how those strong, thick thighs looked in leggings and joggers and most recently, tiny pajama shorts. Thinking back to last night, the way those hiked up your thighs to your little panty line, how soft the skin looked. Would your thighs be just as soft if they were straddling his head? He could only imagine how delicious they would look after he left little nip-marks on them, suckling the flesh just enough to hear your breathing increase, to get you shifting all needy and antsy as you got more needy and impatient. Just as he would want you so that you would rub that wet pussy right on his face and–

“Are you still there?” you said, and Seokjin’s breath caught in his chest, causing him to cough. 

“Yes, I’m sorry,” he rasped. He heard you chuckle low in response, and fuck. Something about how sexy your voice sounded had his cock throbbing. “I got, uh, distracted. What did you say?”

“Oh….uh, never mind.” You paused. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong but your voice flooded through the receiver again. “I don’t want to take you away from your friends any longer. I think I’ve got things for now, but thank you again.”

His heart sank with disappointment that absolutely should not have been there. “Ah, right. Of course. Well, then I’ll let you get back to it.”

“Um, on second thought,” you said suddenly, and his ears pricked up. “Do you…do you think you could come by just in case things get out of hand again? Do you want to? If not it’s okay but––”

“I’ll be over in thirty minutes,” he said eagerly.

Seokjin was already throwing open the bathroom door and barreling down the hall, his friends all shifting from the TV where your away message was cast and onto him. Jimin’s eyebrows raised in question. Taehyung grinned at his friend devilishly, winking and nudging Jungkook. 

“Okay,” you breathed, relieved. “Good.” 

“Good?”

 “Mhmm. See you soon.” Your voice sounded lower, huskier. If there was any ability to think anymore, he would think you were trying to sound sexy and flirty. 

“Yes, okay. See you.” As he hung up, Seokjin felt himself smiling at his phone, his heart feeling a bit fuller, more awake. 

“I’m uh, I’m going to go over there. There’s some stuff she wants me to keep an eye on,” he announced. 

He looked over at his friends. Namjoon attempted some form of polite nodding and understanding, but it quickly broke as everyone else erupted into laughter. 

“Yah! What is it now? Were you guys eavesdropping or something?” 

“We were,” Yoongi said between breaths, “but it wasn’t like you were having a particularly interesting conversation.” He dabbed tears from his eyes. 

“Except the part where you called her princess. Phew you’re whipped.” Hoseok added. 

Seokjin rolled his eyes, reaching down into the couch to find his keys that had been eaten by the cushion upon his arrival. “It just slipped out.”

“Yeah, well, you might want to take a breather before you head out, hyung.” Jungkook avoided eye contact with Seokjin, a blush rushing to his cheeks. 

“And why is that?” Seokjin asked. 

“Oh, I don’t know. Because your Big Dick Daddy boner is so incredibly obvious right now that I’m not sure it’ll be you keeping an eye on Y/N when it’s more likely she’ll be keeping an eye on you.”

Seokjin looked down and as if on cue, his dick twitched. He tried to adjust himself. His friends roared around him, even Jimin trading his careful composure in for hilarity as he threw himself to the floor. 

“Fuck you guys.” Seokjin said as he headed toward the door. 

“Not us, but maybe you tonight!” Taehyung called. “I’m sure Y/N will be singing ‘Hey Daddy’ when you walk in!” 

Seokjin was already out the door, but he could hear the first few bars of the Usher song playing, and despite himself, he smiled. 

When Seokjin arrives, you have already explained to your chat that if they want to have any privileges at all, they’ll stop being asshats. That is a boundary you can more easily create, something less wavering than the control needed to essentially domme your chat. 

You’re not a domme. Not even close. 

“Be right back,” you say to your screen, kicking on the away message. You glance at your phone. Only about twenty minutes left until you’re ready to end things. Hopefully not too long to make Seokjin wait. 

“Hey,” you say, opening the door. His dark hair is disheveled, bags under his eyes. He looks like hell. You fight the urge to immediately turn him around and send him back home. 

He’s tired but his smile is still adorable and wide as he steps into the door of your apartment, discarding his shoes. 

“Hi,” he says softly. 

“Thanks for coming. I’m going to wrap my stream up soon, but I was thinking maybe we could debrief after?” 

He nods and plops himself down on your couch like he’s been here dozens of times before, not just once. 

“Yeah, of course. I’ll just be in here if you need me.”

“Are you going to watch the stream?” You ask, suddenly feeling self conscious. It’s one thing if Seokjin watches your stream when you’re not there, but the idea of him seeing you in lingerie and playing some sexy game is kind of intimate. 

You in lingerie and his fucking shirt, that is. 

“Well, I thought about it. It’s probably the only way I can really understand what’s going on in case you need me. I’ve brought my earbuds so you don’t get feedback from the other room or have to hear your own voice delayed. So we should be good.”

The idea of earbuds does sound a little bit more practical and distancing. 

“Okay, yeah. Oh, and um, about your shirt…” Seokjin looks down from your face, scanning your body with his eyes. You feel heat lick over the places his gaze follows, down your collar bone and the curve of your hips and back up to the swell of your breasts that spill over your bustier. This is where his stare hovers for a moment, and it’s almost maddening, like he’s undressing you with his eyes. It stirs something deep in your core, pricking your nipples a bit to start becoming hard. The lace of the bustier is too thick and it’s lined to avoid exposing anything, but it doesn’t matter. 

Seokjin is looking at you like he wants to eat you, and it’s turning you on impossibly fast. 

“Keep it,” he offers after a moment, his eyes flitting away from your chest. His ears are turning slightly red. “It looks good on you.” 

“Thank you.” It’s all you can offer in response. You clasp your hands together in front of you, the soft linen of his shirt skirting around your naked thighs. The shorts you wore to bed last night were all you could find to throw on with this getup that were clean and comfortable enough for a few hours of streaming. They’re a bit too short, but you figured no one on stream would see them. 

You didn’t really consider that Seokjin would see them again, or really ever, and now you’re realizing how much skin you are showing. 

“I’ll uh, get back to it I guess,” you say and Seokjin nods, now appearing more engrossed in setting up his phone with the stream than talking to you about it or paying attention to what you’re wearing, or the lack of it. 

You scoot off to your room, shutting the door quietly behind you and sinking down into your chair. 

You hit the settings for the away message to turn off and unmute. 

“Alright, we are winding down for the night. Thanks to everyone who stayed with me to the end, I appreciate it.” 

Your comment section responds in kind, with thanks for you continuing to stream through the chaos. 

“Before I leave, though. I figured we can play a few more levels of the game. We have to make sure Candy has enough magic wands to unlock the special bonus game. Although, can I just say that picking wands was a weird choice? Don’t you normally just need one to get the job done? Why not something else, like different shaped dildos or something. Honestly, a little more variety in size and shape can’t hurt.” 

After a few seconds of delay, you hear a boom of laughter in the living room. His laughter is infectious, and it blooms a large grin on your face. 

“So here’s the plan. I’m going to unlock this bonus level tonight and then we’ll see what the hype is about during the next stream, okay?” 

The chat has calmed itself, and you’re glad you tested having it turned back on instead of totally following Seokjin’s advice earlier. Maybe his streams still function if he doesn’t have his comments on, but you know most of your royalties are given from moments of engagement; your parasocial relationship with your subscribers is based on more conversation than the actual thing you’re doing. It’s how you’ve gotten this far without being good at video games. No one seems to care when you get stuck on the same level each time if you at least have engaging conversation. 

JokeJinSeokjin: I’m hungry. Do you want me to order jjajangmyeon?   

You smirk at your screen and nod, then answer a few questions your chat has initiated. 

“Why did I decide to do a Late Night stream? I needed to change things up. You guys all started to follow me after Wonwoo’s stream and I feel like there’s only so many games I can play with the same kind of commentary before we all get sick of it.”

JokeJinSeokjin: What about mandu? The delivery minimum is way too high so we need to get something else. 

A chuckle leaves your lips and you nod again, redirecting yourself to the chat once more. Someone asks how you’re feeling about continuing streaming in this way. 

“Uhh, I would say that most of the streams so far have been a little crazy, right? It’s…doing this is hard. I’m hoping the more I do it the more things will start to chill out. I’m sorry to anyone who was offended by the comment section earlier. I didn’t mean for things to get so out of hand.”

JokeJinSeokjin: Food is ordered. Will be here in 30. 😋

Springin2Luv: @ JokeJinSeokjin who are you? I thought you didn’t have a boyfriend S.D.?

Your face heats as you prepare for the onslaught of drama this will cause, but then you’re shockingly surprised at Seokjin’s response. 

JokeJinSeokjin: Just a good friend to make sure S.D. is fed and for another stream. 

JokeJinSeokjin: Anyway 28 minutes until food time so hurry up and finish this level!

You laugh. “Well, you heard the man, let’s get back to the game.” 

Twenty eight minutes later exactly, Seokjin knocks on your door. “The food is here! I’m starving. Are you done yet?” 

You put the game on pause. “If you were watching the stream like you said you were, you would know that I’m not done with this level and am in fact stuck.” 

“Well excuse me for not staring intently and absorbing every detail when I’m this hungry. I’m going to open everything and eat it all before you!” 

“Go right ahead! You’re the one who wanted it so badly,” you call back, teasing. Though the second you finish the sentence, the warm smell of the crispy dumplings wafts into your room, Seokjin lightly creaking the door open and fanning the delivery bowl in your direction. 

He raises an eyebrow, challenging you as he takes one bite into one, mocking before his face contorts into pain. 

“Aish!!! It’s fucking HOT,” he yelps, and he drops the remaining dumpling back into the bowl, some of the green stuffing spilling throughout. 

“Well yeah, what did you expect!?”

“Not for it to be so goddamn burning hot!” He fans his tongue for good measure, and you can see even from your desk the slight red tinge some of his taste buds have taken. 

“There’s ice in the freezer. I’ll wrap this up now,” you sigh and shoo him away before turning back to your screen. “Well, you all probably heard that exchange, so I’m going to pause here. Sorry we didn’t get to beat it, but I’ll try again next time.”

You read over some of your farewell comments from your chat. But one really sticks with you. 

Babybibi: I feel like I know that voice from somewhere. 

Your stomach drops, but you remain composed, pretending you don’t recognize the comment. It never dawned on you that Seokjin’s fans could really be anywhere. Does he realize that? Is that why he safely stayed out of the camera’s reach? You’re not sure. 

By the time you have signed off, Seokjin has managed to plate both of your meals and get you drinks from the fridge. He’s plopped a throw pillow onto the floor to sit on at the beat up coffee table so you can sit in your regular couch spot. 

“I learned my lesson with that couch yesterday. It eats people.” 

“Oh yeah yeah, I know. Thank you, this looks great.” You blow on one of the mandu before popping into your mouth. Even after arriving ten minutes ago, it’s still crisp and hot. Meaning however hot it was for Seokjin must have been volcanic. “How’s your tongue?”

He pouts, sloshing some ice water around in his mouth before opening it to stick out his pink tongue. “It hawtsth,” he says with his tongue still lolled out. 

You chuckle. “Oh poor baby, do I need to kiss it and make it all better?” 

Seokjin shifts a little at the question, and you realize immediately the error in what you’ve just suggested. An image of the two of you drums up in your mind, you sucking each other’s tongues, an ice cube swapping from one mouth to the other as it melts. Nothing about this is even intimate; it’s just pure filth. And based on the matching redness in Seokjin’s ears, it’s clear his brain has gone somewhere similar. 

He finally rolls his tongue back between his plush lips and you sit awkwardly, suddenly unable to remember how to function. 

Seokjin makes the move to end the awkward pause, taking his chopsticks into his grasp and pulling out a large glob of noodles, shoveling it into his mouth. 

Right, food. Your stomach gurgles at the prospect and Seokjin raises an eyebrow at you as he chews, his eyes flashing down to your stomach. 

“Eat,” he instructs, so you do, following his commands to finish your dumpling and move on to your generous pile of noodles. 

How is he able to just push past the awkward and not have it freeze him in place the way it does with you? As you slurp your food down, you can’t help but study him, so effortlessly comfortable to sit in silence in your apartment after playing games about sex workers. 

You shouldn’t be surprised, you guess. Because Seokjin is a sex worker. He’s incredibly nonchalant about all of what you’re doing, no judgment to smudge this dynamic. 

If your old friends, or even your parents knew about you doing this, what would they think? 

Nothing good, you assume. 

It’s not that you were raised in an environment that was all helplessly ignorant about sex and bodies. You’d had sex. Your parents sat you down when you had your first period and explained every single detail about the human body and reproduction to you. It was painful and scientific, so divorced from the intimacy of what sex really is that it didn’t present itself to be much of an interest or issue until, well, you felt the first licks of desire. 

Those started as dreams. Ones where you would be heavily kissing and exploring the body of whoever you were crushing on at the time. The first one started with Wonwoo, after having spent all summer at the library memorizing the thin curve of his upper lips as he squinted to read the books in front of him. You would feel the heat of your core shifting you in your chair as you grew more intrigued, more curious about how his lips would feel on yours, what he would taste like. How his soft hands would feel if he actually held yours, not just the accidental brush when you would walk side-by-side back toward your neighborhood, where you would drop him off at the shop before slugging your way back through that sticky, angry heat that only added more to your discomfort. 

That was the first summer you started masturbating. And it was so awkward in some ways, trying to learn what you liked and how you liked it but also wondering why you liked it, why you liked Wonwoo in a way that was no longer so innocent and picturesque but scarier, more real. 

Your parents caught you, probably as every parent does at some point and just pretends they didn’t notice. Yours, however, made it clear that they knew. And while they never said anything beyond mentioning it once or twice, it felt humiliating. As if you were supposed to be above attraction and sex and pleasure. It was more in how your parents acted after this point that has given you enough insight to imagine how they would react if they knew what you did now. 

No direct words spoken, just blank, glaring looks and sneers. Just them ogling you like you had told them you murdered someone. Shame, in all the nooks and crannies of what it is. 

As for your friends, besides Wonwoo, they’ve all moved on. You had been so curious as a teenager, and wanted to know so much more. Yet, no one ever talked about sex. Some of them had dated through teen years. All of them dated someone in college except you. Sex was happening all around you and yet it was some forbidden topic. Even with Wonwoo after a while. You have a feeling you would have a next to near impossible time explaining what you are doing to those friends, and if Wonwoo wasn’t a streamer, you’re sure he wouldn’t fully get it either. 

But Seokjin understands. This is his life, this is so natural to him that he can sit in front of you after a long day and lazily smile with the knowledge that you are wearing lingerie underneath his shirt. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asks thoughtfully, and you blink, realizing that for the last few minutes you’ve been watching his gorgeous full lips, studying how his tongue peeks out to wipe away some of the sauce. 

“Lips,” you answer in your haze. 

“Ah,” he chides, and you blink away the memory. 

“What?” You ask. 

“Well, my lips are some of the best of them.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Given how long you were staring at me, I would bet that you were thinking they are. Don’t worry Y/N, go right ahead and get a good look.” He winks. 

“You’re so full of yourself.” 

“Well, at least I’m full of something. I haven’t seen you take more than a few bites of food. Quit stalling and eat your damn dinner.”

“You know, you’re pretty bossy.”

“I guess that’s why I’m the boss.” 

“Time and place. This isn’t the restaurant. Maybe it’s my house and I call the shots.”

He gestures around. “Well then, by all means. What are your commands.”

“For you to stop being a tool.”

Seokjin cackles. “Oh, that’s an insult I haven’t heard since middle school.”

“Well, is it any less efficient? I think it serves its purpose.” 

“I think you’re still stalling.” 

“Fine!” 

You twirl a large pile of noodles around your chopsticks and shovel them into your mouth. “Thewere. Hawppy?”

“Immensely so,” Seokjin says, his eyes twinkling. 

You don’t have the fight in you to argue anymore. The warm, savory noodles are so chewy and delicious, and the salt on your tongue is reminding you how deplenished you are from the energy of the stream. 

You eat in silence, until the heaviness of your limbs has scattered to mostly just the heaviness of your full stomach. 

You lean back against the sofa on your final chew, groaning when you’ve finished. 

“Ugh, that was so good.”

“I told you. I’m a genius for suggesting it.”

“You got lucky and picked the best place in this neighborhood.”

Seokjin scoffs. “Excuse you. Might I remind you of a humble restaurant that is also technically in this neighborhood?”

“And does this place serve jajjangmyeon at one a.m. on a weekday?”

“No.”

“Then my point still stands,” you say. 

Seokjin sighs and then follows up with a yawn that you can’t help but catch. 

“So, debrief time. Before either of us fall asleep.”

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. You can go home and rest. I can’t imagine you got much sleep today.”

“Hardly any at all, but you can’t get rid of me so easily.” Seokjin smirks. “Let’s talk about the stream.” 

“Well, you caught most of it.” 

“Yes, and I think it’s worth talking about.” 

You mull it over for a minute, how you felt as the onslaught of gifted sex toys seemed to flood the chat, the overwhelm not really of the thing itself but the assertion over a boundary you were trying to place. Why was this so hard for you to do? 

“I think I still feel so much like an imposter. I don’t know a lot about gaming, but I’m gaming. I’m not at all sexy enough to have a stream that does sexy stuff, so I feel like I’m just…” You shrug. 

He opens his mouth, but then stops himself, nodding for you to finish. 

“I don’t know, I just don’t want to fall for the pressure of being what everyone wants me to be. Which is, this role of the fat funny streamer. Like, every single trope in fiction has the side friend be fat and funny as some comedic relief. And because people wanted me to stream because I was so ‘funny’. Or they just see me as something to fuck because if I’m not completely sexless I have to be basically a pocket pussy for someone. All so I can make money. It’s so fucked.”

“But…you aren’t just a character in fiction, Y/N.” Seokjin reaches across the table, grazing his thumb over the back of your pinky knuckle. “You’re real. You feel things. You feel this, don’t you?”

You nod. 

“So if this is the choice, to keep streaming for some financial goal, then who is it you want to be? You’re sure of what you don’t want, which is a good place to start. But what next? You have a choice.”

You pause. You have a choice. 

In all of this, has it ever really felt that way? From the start, streaming was so rooted in financial stability. And because of that, it’s been so much heavier when you are forced into a performer role that you don’t want to partake in. It never occurred to you that you could actually control any of it.

But you suppose that’s what Seokjin does when he streams. He gives his audience some version of himself that he has a say in, control over. 

“I…I guess I don’t know. I have never really thought about this being a choice.”

He nods, then stands, stretching his arms over his head. “Maybe that’s where you start. Trying to figure out who it is you want to be. And owning her. Whoever she is. Whether she wants to be funny or sexy or a combination of the two. If she wants to give up streaming and find another thing, or go full steam ahead and become the top streamer on the internet. You get to decide.” 

After dinner–and trying not to stare at your breasts– Seokjin helped you wash the dishes, talked a bit more about your plans for the next stream, and then he left. He knew he was risking another impromptu sleepover and after your debrief, he wanted to make sure you had the space you needed to sit with the idea of choosing this for yourself. 

He knew all too well how important that was. Two years ago, in the same position, it was something he also had to decide: which parts of him stayed with him when he streamed and which parts he hid so he could keep them for himself. It wasn’t an easy choice. He still felt it creep up sometimes when he streamed, constantly vigilant of the words leaving his mouth so he didn’t ever give too much away.

Even when his friends were in the chat, he tried to not call attention to them by name. Similar to how you were on your stream. He wished he could be honest with you and tell you that this part never gets easier. Regardless of how much you wanted to share with others, there was the unfortunate reality that in order to maintain any sense of discretion and honor on the worldwide web, regardless of the type of streaming, the boundary between you and your audience would always lead to disconnection and loneliness. Conversely, you also were not ever going to be totally private and anonymous again. At some point, there was a tipping point where you would never again just be you. The digital footprint was permanent. 

And in this limbo, as time moved on and winter finally melted into Spring, the pressure was on for Seokjin. He considered telling you that he was a sex cam streamer. He had felt it on the tip of his tongue that night, but in the many nights that have since followed, fighting against the decision to just tell you so you could move through it and potentially build a more realistic and relatable plan based on his own experiences and the potential betrayal you might have felt when you learned of the ways he wasn’t at all morally superior for doing things for money. Would you judge him for wanting better for you? 

Moreover, would you be able to live with knowing that your friend–your boss– did gay sex streams? It just felt too delicate at this point to bring up, so Seokjin shoved it down inside of him, just like he did with his audience every time he hit the countdown to go live. 

And unfortunately, in the last few months he’d only streamed a handful of times, which resulted in a significant decrease in engagement and therefore, income. 

But between working at the restaurant and then coming over to sit in the other room as you streamed, his time was limited. 

He was tired. You streamed late into the early hours of the morning, and unlike him, you didn’t work full time. On the days you did have the early shift in the morning, you somehow seemed rested, clearly used to the chaotic structure of your regular gaming streams that might have occurred the night before. You’d decided to do a brief pause on late night themed streams until you had a better game plan. And to the surprise of both you and Seokjin, your followers were supportive. So you would stream regular games in the late night slots on occasion, and Seokjin would sit on as an honorary mod despite the exhaustion. Granted, those nights you often fell asleep before Seokjin had even left your apartment, and he would gently nudge you awake as you drifted off on the couch, prodding you to go take off your makeup and looking on fondly as you thanked him sleepily before crashing on your bed. 

One day in early May, though, everything that was delicately woven into the balance of things began fraying at the edges. 

Seokjin had woken up to a grateful text from you thanking him for coming over the night before, and had sent a follow up invitation. 

You 7:59AM: You can say no, but do you maybe want to go get dinner tonight when you’re done with work? 

Seokjin 8:00AM: Of course I’m going to say yes. Any suggestions where?

You 8:15AM: What about that restaurant that you told me about?

Seokjin 8:17AM: The Mediterranean one? With a month-long waitlist? 

You 8:18AM: Shit. I forgot about that. 😓

Seokjin 8:19AM: Wait a second. BRB

Seokjin 8:32AM: Ok I got a reservation for 10:30. I know that’s pretty late but that’s all I could get. Kitchen closes at midnight though so we should be fine.

You 8:32AM: HOW???

Seokjin 8:32AM: Head chef went to school with my brother. 

Seokjin 8:33AM: They weren’t that close. If they were, we would probably have an earlier time.

You 8:33AM: I don’t care! I’ll just eat before I go. It’ll be a fourth meal type of situation

Seokjin 8:35AM: We can also go somewhere else

You 8:36AM: NO. 😡 Do not take this away from me. I already decided what I want from the menu. We are going. 

Seokjin 8:37AM: LOL. Ok. I’ll come get you before? 10?

You 8:38AM: 👍

Seokjin smiled to himself, finally getting himself out of bed and ready for the day. He had a lot of work to do. When he opened his emails to get started, he saw an email from Worldwide Handsome. He opened it, his stomach sinking as he processed the words. 

Dear User Jin,  We at Worldwide Handsome appreciate the streams you have trusted us to host for the last two years. In this last financial quarter, we have successfully increased our outreach to new targeted consumers, both from members of the LGBTQ community and their allies. In part, we have you to thank for this success. Your continued participation in WWH’s Partnership program has taken us to new heights for pleasurable camming and stimulation experiences. Among our competitors, we have maintained our position as one of the top pornographic live cam websites, with your stream being one of the most engaged with to-date.  However, in the last two months, the algorithmic engagement of WWH’s live shows has significantly plummeted. In conducting market research, we found that in this quarter, we have had a staggering 11% decrease in consistent viewership, subscription renewal, and ad revenue. While there are many contributing factors, it has come to our attention that one overlapping factor might be one of the major contributing factors to this financial loss. In most of our data, it was User Jin’s channel that demonstrated the largest risk among our partners, primarily due to your lack of consistent streaming over the last few months.  While we are grateful for your continued dedication to Worldwide Handsome, we regret to inform you that should your channel continue to trend downward in market data over the next 30 days, we will terminate your contract with us as Partner. If this should happen, we still welcome you to continue utilizing the basic features of Worldwide Handsome. You will still retain a generous commission rate, the ability to publish past livestreams to your channel, stream clipping functions, gifting, and more. If you would like to learn more details about the basic features provided with Worldwide Handsome, please visit the FAQ page on our website.  Once again, we are grateful for your ongoing support over the years. We at WWH are grateful to you and the many other streamers who continue to make sex a global artform that we can proudly stand behind. If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to reach out.   Sincerely,  Worldwide Handsome Partners

Dropped from the partner program? His partnership with the website was what provided the groundwork for any sort of financial stability while streaming. It not only provided consistent scheduled payouts, but the commission retention was one of the highest in the industry. People were desperate to be part of the partner program, even if it belonged within the confines of gay sex streaming. And until this quarter, Seokjin had been leading the trend, securing his place within the company. But now, because of his neglect, it was being threatened out from under him. 

On top of it, the money pit of the restaurant was at it again; a sewer line bursting a few blocks away had caused flooding and an electrical malfunction a month ago, which resulted in a transformer blowing and frying his computer with all the records. His parents had been tech savvy enough to digitize everything, but clearly not enough to have learned to back up things onto the cloud instead of leaving them on the harddrive. 

For the last few weeks, he’d been shuffling documents back and forth between his laptop and the new system, begging his father to learn how to sign a PDF through some YouTube tutorial that only resulted in his father taking a fuzzy picture of the document in a poorly lit hallway of the cruise ship and sending it back over this morning with a text: 

Here you go! Hope this is okay. Probably won’t have a connection for a while. Talk next week. 

It was not in fact okay, and Seokjin was now considering just forging his father’s signature to get the new insurance forms authorized as soon as possible. The financial burden of what the restaurant was doing was starting to feel more like damnation and less of an investment. With each week drawing nearer to his parents' return, he began worrying that they wouldn’t be able to handle all the things that had become urgent needs.

He had a month to get it together. Otherwise, he could kiss both of his careers goodbye. With his father just adding to the slew of problems, today he was at his wit’s end. He was beyond stressed and in desperate need of release. 

Which is why when he logged onto Worldwide Handsome after a particularly frustrating call with the electrical company, he found himself falling naturally into his old persona easily. 

“I needed this,” he said to his audience, watching the bottom of the screen as the numbers slowly trickled in. It wasn’t nearly as many people as he had gotten accustomed to seeing you entertaining during your stream nights, and for some reason that felt intimidating to Seokjin. How you were able to secure an audience without needing to get naked, one that was flexible with you in ways that his audience could never be. He felt a tinge of jealousy at the thought. 

BGood4Daddy: Missed u pretty boy

He watched the comments flit by, many of them taking on the same sub-dom dynamic he usually played as. Some asked where he’d been, but most of them were just horny messages begging for him to act out their fantasies. 

His stomach twisted. Somehow he’d forgotten this was how things went. 

“Missed you too. Missed all of you. It’s been crazy lately,” he said. He palmed himself casually through his slacks, trying to convince himself to get into the mood. 

The tips started to slowly trickle in, starting to meet the bare minimum goals for Seokjin to begin stripping. 

That’s one thing about his audience he’d always be able to count on. They would always ensure that he had enough of a payout to take his cock out. 

He chuckled at the comments, starting to wind up as he removed his shirt, and then unzipped his slacks. 

XMasterX: you’ve been a bad boy. Sir needs to punish you for leaving us for so long. 

“Is that right?” Seokjin challenged. “Well, then if I’m just going to be punished, maybe it’ll be better if I leave.” 

The threat had the desired effect; Seokjin’s tip jar began to fill up faster, the view count starting to increase back to a somewhat decent viewership. 

Good. This was good. Soon he could get all of this over with and secure himself back into good standing with the website and his subscribers. 

Within a few minutes, the tip jar announced that the first two milestones have been unlocked: take off shirt and take off pants. 

“Eager are we?” he teased, slowly slipping his shirt over his head. He’d managed to get back to the gym in his apartment complex this week, but even if he hadn’t, it’s not like he wasn’t still toned from all the heavy lifting at the restaurant. With all the electrical issues, he’d been helping pull industrial heavy equipment away from the walls for the electrician to prepare to install a new grounding wire, and those weren’t particularly light. 

The comments lit up with the praise, usernames old and new beginning to flash across his screen. He smirked.

“I know you’ve waited a while, but maybe you should sweat it out a bit. Show me how much you missed me.” 

It felt so natural to say this, something he knew you hadn’t felt comfortable doing in your streams, but you’d tried a few times. He’d found it cute when you’d done it, almost like it was a gentle request. But for him now, this was about anticipation and tension, letting his viewers fall back into the world of fantasy he used to cook up every few days. This was a place of escape, where Seokjin was left behind and Jin took control. 

The tip jar shook, the animated coins piling in. 

He popped the button of his pants. Slowly. He smirked at the camera, reaching down and squeezing himself. He wasn’t hard, but he wasn’t small, and that was still part of the fantasy: the grand reveal that people had to work for. He often chose to work under the assumption that everyone was new in the chat, that this was a new experience for voyeuristic eyes. While he knew that wasn’t necessarily true, for all he knew someone could be stumbling into the chat room, unknowing to his body and the pleasure he was so willing to give. 

Someone like you. 

His cock twitched at that. He’d expected this fantasy to get a bit old for him: the idea that you would come across his stream and stay for the whole thing. It had been the fuel for his fire a few months ago, but so much had changed now that you were friends. 

But now that he knew more about you, all the little details, fuck. That just made it seem even more real. He could see you in your small room, his shirt draped over you safely while you strutted around in those tiny pajama shorts. 

He unzipped his pants, kicking them off at the ankles and sitting back down in the chair. 

You’d be doing the same thing, he thought. Those shorts riding up those thick thighs he now knew exactly the weight of as they’d rubbed against his. They were so soft, all of you so soft. And he knew you’d shove them down quickly, annoyed that they got in your way, pouting a little bit that he wasn’t there to tug them off of you. 

“Fuck,” Seokjin said. “I don’t know if I can really take it much longer.” It was true, his cock was hardening quickly, and the need to touch himself was growing heavier with urgency. 

His chat sounded off, various commands to wait or to go for it. It really didn’t matter. He wasn’t there for them tonight. Even though maybe he should have been, maybe the risk was that if he didn’t comply, there would be no great reward. 

mapl3stor33 tipped $3000: Welcome back. Give us a good one. You can always pay us back for it 😉

Seokjin smiled, his most loyal subscriber popping up with a generous tip. Yes, this was where he thrived, wasn’t it? Isn’t this what he was good for? 

2 milestones unlocked from another viewer, this time selecting from some of the few dozens of options programmed into the menu to help guide the stream: cock ring and edging, no cumming. 

God, why did he allow for there to be guided sessions? Why didn’t he lead the stream this time like the one he did a few months ago? That was the one where he’d cum all over himself after pretending to blindfold you. 

Now, he knew even more about you, how the curve of your ass felt shifting against him. How soft your hair was when it tickled his arms while you slept, little whimpers escaping your mouth that he knew he could easily draw from you again when he got the chance. You’d look so pretty with a blindfold on, shivering in the warm light of your bedroom, mouth open and desperate as he lightly touched around your collarbone, down your sternum and between the valley of your tits. You’d been so bad about teasing him in those sexy little bustiers and corsets lately, and it would be nice if he got to tease you for once. 

His cock ached through his briefs, asking him to end the torture, to free himself into the open air and stroke until he came thinking about all the ways he wanted to torture you with pleasure. 

But with another tip coming in, this time adding the detail of a vibrating cock ring, Seokjin knew his fantasies would not be leading him to be satisfied tonight. At least not in the way he wanted. 

Twenty minutes later, after playing into the game of begging and whining and falsely pretending he was going to cum to ensure he was edging, he came. A pathetic, unsatisfying dribble that wept out of him and hardly amounted to the sensation he felt earlier. He’d tried to think of you, but there was a block. Too many people watching, too many people demanding things from him. Instead of just cumming, it became aware to Seokjin how much of a performance these streams always were; the ring light setup ensured people could see every angle. He knew how to make attractive faces when he orgasmed that would leave everyone with plenty of imagery for their own personal fantasies later. He knew how to pretend to be more turned on than he was, and to force vibrators and dildos into proper angles to ensure he came. It was all part of the show. 

One that he hadn’t taken part in for quite some time. When he masturbated last night in the shower, he caught his reflection in the vanity mirror. He saw how his face contorted, how his body would buck and writhe without his control as he came against the shower wall, how in some ways, there was something objectively unsexy about how he came, no glossy angles to make sure his chin didn’t pull into different skin pockets, no ambient lighting to capture the ridges of his body. Just the pure experience of orgasming as a human being and nothing more. 

As he wiped up his mess, he decided to do a little chat with his subscribers. 

At least he didn’t moan that one person’s name like last time. 

Oh yeah. Jin what was that about? You have some girlfriend we don’t know about?

I thought he was gay. This is a gay site! 

You must be new here. He’s straight. 

Oh :( 

Maybe he’s been too busy fucking her to come play with us. 

I bet it’s boring sex. Who needs to do streams when they’re getting laid. You better tell her to satisfy you, or one of us will have to come show her how she could do better. 

“Yah, enough of that,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t have a girlfriend. And I don’t want to talk about what happened that one time. It was a mistake. It won’t happen again. Anyway, I’m tired. Time for bed. I won’t make you wait as long for next time. Bye!” 

Ugh. What an awful stream. If it was going to be like this all the time, maybe he should have actually considered letting the website shut him down and take the cut. 

But then how would you get everything taken care of with the restaurant. 

He sighed. Is this how you experienced streaming too? He figured as much. His stomach tugged, disappointed he couldn’t talk to you about it. You always debriefed your streams with him, especially if you felt a little shitty during one. Now, because he was keeping this life of his separate from his life with you, he had no one who would understand to talk to about this. All he could ever do is provide support to you, but not you to him. It was still just as lonely doing this as it always had been. Only this time, Seokjin knew that it didn’t have to be this way. That some people could reveal other parts of themselves to get kernels of support when needed. 

But that wasn’t going to be him. He was alone in this. And as he dragged himself to bed, feeling sorry for himself, he didn’t notice that he left his phone on silent.

“Detective? Are you there?” The svelte redhead approached my desk. I could see through the cameras that she helped herself to snooping around. Whatever she was gathering from my notebooks, it was a trap. 

Any good detective knows not to leave his mess around. Any clues she was trying to gather from this dark, dark world, they would be nothing compared to reality. 

Reality is darker. Betrayal, people thinking they know me because they know my past. 

I light a cigarette, inhaling deeply. The smoke swirls around my head like a cloud. It’s cloudy here in Seattle, and that promise of heavy rain reassures me. He’s going to try to move the kitty tonight, and I’m not about to let him use her as a distraction. 

She leans her large, milky tits over my desk. She’d look good there, spread out across it. I’m sure she knows too. Any dame like her would know what she’s worth. A tempting distraction, but I am too good to fall for it. 

“God what the fuck even is this?” You exit out of the screen on your tablet, the cover mocking you for even considering it. Whatever the hell you were expecting from Clues to My Heart’s raving 5-star reviews, this wasn’t it. This was a pile of absolute garbage. 

And it isn’t serving its purpose of distraction. You are still imagining the main character as Seokjin, only Seokjin in some twisted, fake machismo, desk set smutty nightmare of a book that is so full of plot holes and clichés that you know you can’t stomach it further. Reading an awful romance novel is clearly not the answer to escaping the awful feeling in your stomach. 

You delete it from your library and sigh, staring at the shelves of your apartment, debating if you really want to read something or just go to bed and let yourself cry. 

He stood you up. He stood you up and you looked the hottest you ever looked. This was going to be your attempt at connection, at knowing for sure that you were on the path toward something more intimate than friendship. 

But now, it was clear: whatever expectation you had for the two of you, it might as well be dead and buried with whatever body this stupid book is trying to solve the murder of. 

You tried calling him multiple times. His phone just rang on and on as the clock shifted from 10:15 to 10:30 to 12:00. For a moment, you thought maybe you got the date or time wrong. Maybe instead of tonight as in today he thought you meant tomorrow? 

Or maybe he lost track of time by finding a dog outside of your apartment, and then he had to go find its owner so he never had the chance to tell you he’d be late. 

But more realistically, maybe he just doesn’t want to see you and this silence is meant to be interpreted as a boundary. Seokjin is definitely the type who would feel bad rejecting you when you come onto him, and would apologize to you despite the fact that he’s not guilty. It’s happened before, in the kitchen incident. 

Even if it’s not that, it’s the fact that you carefully selected an outfit for tonight, a silky black slip dress that you are terrified to wear because there’s no part of you that you can hide. The slippery material will highlight every curve, every line (especially panty lines), and every droplet of moisture that you might dribble or sweat out. 

But in the last few months, you’ve been trying to do one thing every day that scares you. Today, it would appear you were going to go for two. And now, you are dealing with one terrifying thing that might just be worse than the first two: rejection. 

It’s humiliating. You know you’re going to go to work tomorrow and will have to see him knowing that there will be some awkward confrontation or avoidance game. You’ll have to speak to him. He’ll probably call you into the back office and let you down gently. Will reinforce the fact that he’s your boss and that things have gone too far or some bullshit. 

And then, just like how you’ve been cut out of the lives of people who meant something to you, it’ll happen again, as it always does. 

1 Year Ago

It’s raining so hard that you can’t see the road, but you’re trying to drive through it anyway, trying to make it home in time so you won’t miss it. You got out of work late; you thought being a substitute teacher wouldn’t come with all the extra grading, but you were wrong. 

A year ago, the elementary school nearby shut down, and with it came the layoff of all its teachers. A stupid idea, really, because that meant an already over-enrolled school was forced to shuttle its students across town to the other elementary school, doubling its student body without doubling its teachers. Somewhere in the thick of it, you were looking for a job, living in your parents’ house trying to float from one career to the other. 

Your friends around you were moving; Wonwoo was already in a new time zone, making an upward move in every area. His former girlfriend-turned-fianceé worked in HR for a tech start-up and easily navigated getting him in as a coder. They had just secured a penthouse with a gorgeous view. His life was locked together. Your other friends, it seemed, had moved on in their lives as well. Two of them already had children and were married. Two more were engaged. Everyone else was jetting across the world on expeditions to places with sandy beaches and bottomless drinks. And there you were: mid twenties, desperate for change.

So when you saw the banner across the elementary school advertising a need for substitute teachers, you decided you were desperate enough to try. And as it turned out, you loved it. There was something magic about working with young children, seeing how they developed new ideas you would never in your adult dreams try to fathom. But to them, to fly across the world on a magical escalator or hippo was a true possibility and you wanted part of you to have that same freedom to dream of the impossible. Their creativity inspired you to push the boundaries of life and dream of more. 

Not to mention, it also landed you a boyfriend. One day while you were substituting for the gym teacher, nervously handing out kickballs to a bunch of fourth graders for class and praying they didn’t knock each other’s teeth out, someone stepped into the gymnasium and padded his way over to you, looking for his youngest sister to take her to a dentist appointment. And not too soon after, you and Do Woon had your first day date, which turned into a night date, and then a breakfast date. It was more like a 3-day date where the two of you spent the entire weekend rolling around in his sheets. You only managed to escape that awkward conversation with your parents because they were out of town for the weekend. If they had known any different, you would probably have died from embarrassment. 

Teaching has given you a lot of great things. But with that care comes a cost. You are now late for your father’s surprise birthday party and trapped in an insane rainstorm. 

You weave around fallen tree branches, trying not to obsess over the clock as the minutes roll smoothly into each other, knowing that by now, the surprise portion of the party is over. They’re probably eating cake now and reminiscing on his milestones. Your mother is probably chatting to your aunts and uncles about the renovations they’ve made to the main bathroom. Do Woon is supposed to be there, and if your instincts are right, you’ll be getting engaged tonight. 

It would be the perfect opportunity. All your family is there ready to celebrate, and your father who hates being the center of attention will have all the pleasure of dumping the focus onto you. 

Do Woon has been acting odd the last few weeks. You’ve been pretending not to notice, especially when recent conversations have been skirting around topics you two used to discuss regularly. You have a trip to Bali planned for the fall, which he once said is where he would want to honeymoon. He’s given very few details about this trip since he booked the flight almost three months ago, and you suspect that’s because he doesn’t want to give any spoilers about the honeymoon suites or couple packages you both looked over when you decided this was where you wanted to vacation. You’re not sure you have enough time to plan a wedding in six months, but if this is what Do Woon wants, who are you to say no? 

Since the start of your dating, he’s been thoroughly engrossed in a very specific timeline, and had no issues telling you so: he wanted to date for about a year, get engaged, get married (wherever you wanted, he insisted), have a honeymoon on some beachy shores and get started with making babies. He is the eldest of six. He wants a big family. 

You’ve talked him down from that number over the last few months, having him promise instead you will see how things go and will take it as it comes. While he wasn’t entirely pleased with that compromise, you think his agreement is a good enough answer. But that’s how Do Woon is. He plans his life down to every meticulous detail. Which is why even if you don’t think you can pull off planning a wedding in such a short window of time, you know he can. 

So tonight, you think it’ll happen. And unfortunately for you, you’re going to look like absolute rain-soaked garbage, the perfect accompaniment to your shitty day.

The once neatly wrapped gift next to you is now soggy from the downpour. You didn’t check the weather before heading into work today and left your umbrella in the car. It rolls around on the floor in front of the passenger seat, completely dry and mocking. 

At work, you found out that they’re continuing to make staffing cuts despite the shortage, as many families have chosen not to enroll in the school next year, instead moving their children to private schools closer to their homes or homeschooling. As desperate as they were to hire you, the work you put into the year you’ve been here is now about to just melt away. 

You don’t know how much longer you’ll have a job.

You anticipated this, of course, spent most of the fall applying for graduate programs. Of the ten applications you submitted, you’ve been waitlisted in two places: the local university here and the more modern (and urban) program not even remotely close to this place. You’d hoped when you sent those applications that things would be getting more serious with Do Woon, but it had only been a handful of months. You weren’t sure where the two of you were going. And now, you are hoping for the local program, not wanting to give up on your dream of teaching if it means you don’t have to.

Your phone lights up in the darkness of your car. One more missed call from your mother. But you’re so close, almost to your neighborhood. You know how poorly this is going to go. 

As you take a final turn, making your way down the street, you see the street has started flooding, barring you from your block. It’s no use, either. You can see on the block after yours that those crossroads are also flooded. The only way to get home is to do so on foot. So that’s what you do, park your car on the non-flooded side street, prop the sodden gift under your arm, grab your umbrella and head into the rain. 

The thing about thresholds is that they are a place where you exist in transition. From the street, you can hear a hum of music but don’t know the exact tune. You see faces lit by the warm lamps of your dining room, and can make out your uncle and your father’s boss. But you can also hear the rain thrumming on the roof, smell the Earth as the rain hits the soil. There’s the chill of the wind cutting through your damp clothing. The moment you step into the house, you’ll be someone else. A daughter still, but also someone else’s future wife. 

The warmth of the house touches your face when you step in, the loud voices you’d heard from the other side of the door now having owners: your aunt yelling at your young cousin not to touch something, the sharp guffaw of your dad’s best friend. 

You take off your soaked shoes and walk into the dining room. The cake has been cut, neat squares leaving only globs of frosting leaves behind on the golden tray. The neapolitan ice cream is abandoned and melting into an unappetizing brown sludge. Empty beer cans stack up on the table’s other end. 

Your stomach gurgles. You’ve barely eaten all day. But you know that will all happen soon. There’s time for cake and celebration after you see the birthday boy.

You find him in his favorite lounge chair, foot rest out as he relaxes and listens to some story one of his co-workers is telling about a client. 

“I’m telling ya, she had this massive tits that would knock over everything and everyone. So I says to her one day, you know what I says? ‘Ma’am, now pardon me for sayin’ so, I’m a respectable fella, but I think you might need to get a car blinker.’ And she asks me why and I says to her, ‘Because when you’re turnin’ around, we then’ll know to duck!’”

A roar of laughter bellows through the room, your father smirking at the story as he sips his beer. Ugh. You saunter over to him, fanning a smile across your face. 

“Hi Dad,” you say, and face the rest of the guests. “Hi everyone.” 

“Y/N! What the hell happened to ya, kid. Rainstorm getcha?” Your father’s boss asks.

You give an apologetic nod. “Yes, I was caught in it. Left work late. The road is flooded so be careful when you leave.”

“I drove over in the truck, so I’m fine,” he responds, sucking down the rest of his beer. “Ah, all out. Can I get you another Birthday Boy?” He nudges you with his elbow roughly. “What about you, hon?” 

“I’m, I’m all good. Thanks,” you say awkwardly, trying to ignore the way he’s looking at you up and down salaciously. This man is older than your father, is standing next to your father and behaving this way. It makes you want to strip your entire skin from your body and wash it in the washing machine. 

“Suit yourself. I’m gonna get some more of that cake anyways. You coming, Bill?” Bill, the apparent co-worker who was bragging about his evident sexual harassment, sighs. 

“Yeah, yeah. Well, if I don’t see ya, happy birthday again. Thank your wife for the dinner. It was great. And it was good to see you too,” Bill waggles his eyebrows and walks behind you through the foyer and into the dining room. For a brief moment, you swear you feel him cup your ass in passing. 

“Where have you been?!” Your mother’s voice carries across the room. You whip your head to search, finding her walking into the room from the back entrance to the kitchen. She must’ve been cleaning up because the front of her blouse is wet. 

“I was working and I had to stay late. And then the storm happened and I had to park down the street. I’m sorry.” 

“Well because of you, we awkwardly stood around for well over an hour waiting for you to show up and get everything set up so when your father walked in the door it would actually be a surprise. Which it wasn’t, by the way. He recognized Carl’s truck out front and I guess that was the big giveaway. You were supposed to help me with this, Y/N!”

Your father looks at your mother and sighs. “It was really no big deal. I hate surprises anyway.” 

“For a milestone birthday like this, you could use the surprise,” she asserts.

“Well, I got one anyway didn’t I?” He says sharply, standing up and walking out of the room. The gift in your hands feels like dead weight. You set it down onto his chair. 

“What happened?” You ask. 

Your mother walks closer, looking around the room to ensure no one else is listening. “Your father is being laid off. He found out today. And then when Carl and Bill and all them showed up, they kept talking about it. Turns out no one else in his department is being laid off. Just him.”

Your stomach sinks. Your father supplies most of the income that your family needs to stay afloat. He’s not expected to retire for a few more years. Which means if he gets laid off, he’ll lose a few years’ worth of extra employer contributions to his retirement fund. And his boss and co-workers being such assholes to rub it in? Fuck them. 

This wasn’t how you expected any of this to go. 

“Oh god. Poor dad.” Your mother nods. 

“Yeah, what a birthday. And you weren’t even there to share it with him because you were too busy to be here when it was the only time we needed you to show up. So thanks for that.” 

Her words are like knives. You feel yourself being sliced open from all the guilt. She’s not wrong. You’d been the one to organize most of this party, to convince her to follow through with it. And you missed it. People around you have begun departing, shouting happy wishes to your father. All his unwrapped gifts sit on the coffee table next to you, colorful paper pulled open. You missed the entire thing. 

“I didn’t mean to,” you try, but you know it's useless. Your mother waves goodbye to one of the neighbors. It’s stopped raining enough to not be a constant heavy click against the windowpane. 

“Well you did anyway. It is what it is. Now are you going to disappear on me during clean up or are you going to help me?” She begins to weave the discarded wrapping paper out from under the gifts, setting them into a neat pile on the coffee table. 

“I’ll get a trash bag,” you offer, and make your way through the house into the kitchen. Every surface is riddled with stacks of paper plates with balloons on them and plastic forks and spoons. A large yellow tupperware bowl idles by the sink, some vinegary salad now mixed with remnants of every other food from watermelon to potato chips. It’s the first thing you dump into the trash bag. 

You follow the garbage, in and out of the half bathroom and dining room, back to the living room when you notice someone is missing. 

“Mom,” you say. “Where’s Do Woon?” 

“Was he supposed to be here? Because I didn’t see him.” 

“He didn’t come?” 

“No, Y/N. Unless he is hiding upstairs in your room for some reason, I have not seen him at all tonight.” She dumps a pile of plates into the trash bag. “Think you can handle the rest? My feet hurt and your father and I need to discuss some things.” 

“Sure, I am just surprised he didn’t come. I thought–”

“God, honestly. For two seconds can you not think about yourself? It’s not your birthday.”

You fall silent, nodding your head as she steps out of the room and goes to find your father.

Something must be wrong, you think. You reach into your pocket and grab your phone, checking it for messages from Do Woon. 

There are many missed calls from your mother, but none from him. Strange. The last time you talked was today. You had reminded him what time the party started. He didn’t respond, but he read the message, and you were satisfied with that. 

You select his contact info and hit the call button. After a few seconds of ringing, it goes to voicemail. 

“Hey, it’s me. Not sure what happened tonight, maybe you got stuck in the storm. I know I did, it was crazy and I missed the entire party. Today’s been awful. But uh yeah, call me back when you get this. Love you.” 

Maybe he is stuck in a work meeting? He does work late, sometimes unexpectedly, putting in extra hours at his office until you are getting ready for bed. 

You shoot him a text. 

You 9:02PM: Hey, missed you at the party. Are you working late?Read 9:02PM

Immediately you can see he has opened it. But after ten minutes, there is no response. 

You 9:12PM: Everything okay? Read 9:12PM

You clean up the rest of the trash in the living room, tying off the bag and stepping outside. It has stopped raining. The world looks glassy as droplets fall from the tree limbs and refract the streetlights. You walk over to the trash bin, the glaze of cold water running down your hands as you deposit the bag in. You grab the mail. 

No acceptance letters. For some reason that feels like the cherry on top of the shittiness that is today. Your mother’s bitter words, your father’s exhaustion, the weather’s chaos weaving into your insecurity. It all feels like some horrible dream. 

You need Do Woon. He’s not much of a talker, but he is a good listener, and after a good ranting session, he’ll usually fuck the sadness out of you so you don’t have to think and afterward you’re usually too tired to do anything but sleep. That’s what you need right now. 

Where is he? It’s been a half hour and no response. Maybe you’re being paranoid and soon he’ll call and poke fun at how worried you seemed. Maybe he’ll be mad that you are interrupting a work meeting. But today has been awful. And all you want is to hear his voice. 

So you call him again, and this time it goes immediately to voicemail. 

You 9:38PM: What is going on? Read 9:38PM

You 9:39PM: Please answer me. I’m getting worried. Read 9:39PM

You 9:39PM: Babe!

Message failed to deliver. 

A glow falls onto the damp earth around you. You look around for the source and then up. As the rain clouds break apart above you, you realize you’re standing in the light of the moon. 

He never called back. That was the end. When you think about it now, there were some vague signs of distancing, but it never amounted to anything that made sense. There, then gone, Do Woon cut you off one day and never looked back. 

Much to your embarrassment, you didn’t handle the situation well. That night, you tried calling him three more times, only to receive a message that the number you tried to reach was unavailable. You’d considered driving to his apartment, but as the night wore on, you started to put the pieces together. He didn’t want to talk to you. He’d blocked you, and you didn’t know why. 

For the first month after the ghosting-turned-break-up, you tried to get intel to figure out what happened, how you had so royally fucked up your relationship that he didn’t even want to tell you to your face. Unfortunately, most of your friends you’d made that year were through him, and with him cutting you off, so did most of your friends. 

Your parents were sympathetic, to a degree. You were given approximately two days to mope. And then you were told to start looking for better jobs in case you, like your father, would be laid off. 

“It’ll be a good distraction, I think!” Your mother had said. “Nothing says get over a relationship better than starting a new job.” 

You and your father passed job postings back and forth for the next week. You were less than thrilled with the job market. Sure, jobs existed, but none with your skillset or interests or desired pay. To gain anything you would have to make a choice to lose something else, and it twisted your gut at the prospect. 

But, in the midst of the heartache, came your rejection from the local university. It was for the best, really. You knew you only wanted to study there because of Do Woon, and without him being part of your life it didn’t matter anyway. 

And just as you were at the end of your optimism, ready to let hope die and surrender to the dreamless haze, an email came in with an acceptance into the final university. A big city laid before you to explore. 

Things snapped into place. You finished up the school year and told your parents you were moving out. 

And now you’re here, in an apartment all to yourself, attending your dream program (or at least trying to) and learning how to cook a halfway decent meal. An apartment that has you rotting on a couch as you try to remind yourself that what happened with Do Woon was a fluke, and not anything you did wrong. And it certainly isn’t some sign that you’re doomed to repeat the same fate again.  

You’ve learned in the last few weeks that he’s engaged to someone he met through a matchmaking service. In his profile picture, his future bride is holding an ultrasound photo and he has his hands on her very large belly. “Coming this summer: our own ray of sunshine” the caption reads. 

You can’t imagine him ever saying that. He always hated cheesy things. But that’s the surprising thing about all of this: you also never expected him to ghost you and immediately start seeing someone else. 

He was a fluke in the timeline. Not a rule, right? You know this. You know not everything happening once means you’re doomed to repeat it forever. 

But why is that all you can think about with Seokjin? 

You went to work this morning, and he said nothing. No, he probably won’t disappear into the abyss because he manages this place. But when his parents return, will he then? Is he just biding his time before he vanishes? 

You hope not. God, you really hope not. 

The day rolls on without a word between either of you. Maybe this is how it should be, you think. Two people. Uncomplicated. Not tied to each other by strands of anything. 

Fate. This is how it works. It brings people together and then it pulls them apart. 

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

[madammidnightsblog]

BTS BUTTPLUG

Warning: sex, buttplug (m&f), public settings, sub idol, dom f!reader, Bang PD (brief), park setting (once), handcuffs, voyeur , fan meet (once)

Namjoon

Namjoon isn't really into buttplugs but he is more than willing to wear one if you ask, there is almost nothing he wouldn't do if you asked. But he feels funny wearing one in the studio with Bang Hitman working alongside him, the toy occasionally humming softly against a sensitive spot if he squirms too much and to make it worse, you were sitting in the same room. Your eyes staring at the back of his head which made his heart pound even more against his chest and he felt himself grow more aroused at the thought of you turning the toy completely up and having him a moaning mess in front of the older man. It really took everything in this man to cover every moan that would slip out and from palming himself through his sweats to somehow make the agonizing pace of the plug to grow more intense and just give his poor dick some friction that it was silently begging for.

"What do you think? Do you think it would work with the chorus or should we move it to the bridge?" Bang questioner as he skimmed over the roughly scribbled idea, wanting the younger man's opinion to organize the chaos that filled the page.

"Uh, well," Namjoon mentally slapped himself for not paying attention but could you blame him? He was in a tough situation and really wanted to work as diligently as he could but the damn plug really made it it hard to prioritize.

Bang notices how confused he looked and took in considering that they were working for about five hours and it was close to two in the morning so he thought he must be tired so he started to pack up, "Don't worry about it. You must be tired so we can finish later after some sleep so get some rest and I'll call around one- thirty." With that, he felt after bidding you goodbye.

You got up and walked over to the panting male as he leans back in his office chair, eyes screwed shirt while his right hand came down to his crotch to gently rub his erection, "You did such a good job baby." You praised as you sat in the chair that the former CEO was seated.

Namjoon whimpered softly as you took out your phone and turned off the plug, "May I cum now?"

You looked up at him surprise. You were sure he silently came a few times but those sucks in breath and squeezing of the arm rest was him holding back? Now that was more amusing. Cocking your head to the side and folded a leg over the other with a smirk, "Why didn't you cum pretty boy? You had about three hours of torture and all the chances to do so."

Namjoon turned his chair toward you, his hands were tugging at the draw strings in anticipation, "Because you never told me to." He whimpers.

"Go head baby. Cum as many times you want, you earned it for being such a good boy for Mommy." With that, he yanked down his sweats and boxers to reveal a twitching and leaking dick.

Jin

"I can't-please-can't!" He cried as his hands yanked at the cuffs, the metal clanking against the chair with every tug.

You sat in front of him, sipping your wine with a pleased smile as you watched as he breaks down in front of you after his third orgasm washed over him, painting his stomach and lap in his release. Something about watching him cry and cum without stopping makes you feel so powerful because of the pretty way he cries and begs and the way his beautiful body shakes with every release, the pearly white liquid painting his golden skin. His moans and cries were heavenly, almost as if he was singing such a beautiful song and the sobs came out like a loud yet sweet chorus that he made specifically just for you and it made your pussy ache. The plug in his ass and the vibrator that was tapped to his dick was the cause of his pleasure and the reason of his uncontrollable orgasms and they weren't stopping anytime soon, not until he said 'sheep'.

"You can take it, you've done it before." You singed before taking another sip, the refreshing taste of Pinot Grigio made you hum.

"Fuck, Mommy, please!" He sobbed, his dick twitched against his abdomen.

You hummed in thought, eyes staring at the glass in your hand and watched how the golden clear liquid that swirled with every soft roll of your wrist. You really didn't need to think about joining your boyfriend but you wanted to make him wait, keeping him on his toes and holding to the desperation which was what you did. Flicking your eyes back at him to see his glossy eyes as they stared into yours before placing your glass on the table next to you before getting up, slowly making your way over to him which had him whimpering for you. The clicking of your heels made his fingers dig into the armrests in attempt to hold what's left of his control and the fact that you were in just heels and one of his button of shirts made his dick ache.

Standing behind the chair, you slowly slid your hands down to his wrists to gently rub at them, "Are you sure you want me to do anything, darling? You seem to have enough fun with those toys." You teased as you eyes the two vibrators.

A sob left his lips, "Y-Yes, touch me, fuck, please."

Hoseok

He isn't the type to act honey in public or even attempt to do anything that remotely resembles a sexual act that isn't dancing so when you asked him to wear a plug and go for a walk at a park, he was quick to turn it down. So when you said you'd wear it instead, he was more nervous about it but didn't mutter a complaint since you were the one to want to do it but he was scared that a child would hear or an elderly person would see how your legs were wobbling and the no so quiet moans and call the cops. Everything was going smoothly, your wobbles were so noticeable and your moans were at a minimum or seen as coughs which did get you two some odd looks but Hoseok didn't care because his mind was occupied with the flashes of you putting the plug in but that was until you held onto his shoulder.

"Fuck." You moaned softly, your free hand was itching to cup your crotch in hopes to touch yourself.

Swallowing dryly, Hoseok did his best to guide you towards an empty and closed off area, "J-Just give me a second." He whispered.

The poor man almost tripped over his feet when he heard you moan his name. He was trying so hard to avoid any issues so you two could be in private but a woman that was jogging by turned around once noticing how you struggled to walk properly thanks to the rising volume of the plug, "Hey, are you ok? Do you need an ambulance?" She questioned while taking out her earbuds.

Shaking your head, you forced a smile which looked borderline lewd, "I'm.. I'm fine. Just got a cramp." You quickly said, trying to avoid slipping out a moan.

The woman eyes him before looked back at you but when Hoseok helped you stand up better, you bud goodbye before you two made your way to the public bathroom. Once inside, he quickly but slowly dragged you to a stall which you were glad he did because you were too overwhelmed with pleasure you were sure you wouldn't be able to walk anymore without someone realizing what was up. You took off your shirt and sat on the edge of the toilet, pulling your legs up to your chest after making sure you wouldn't fall off and told him to hurry. It was hard to keep going without his dick inside of you by know.

Jimin

"I'm so full." He moans as he spreads his cheeks to show off the pretty blue plug in his ass, his white thong pushed to the side.

Biting your lip, you slipped onto the bed while reaching a hand out to rub his erection through the damp material. Soft purrs left his pillowy lips made you shiver in excitement, wanting nothing but to rip the thin fabric off and suck his cute cocklet. With every rub to his small dick, you spewed out filth which had him whimpering and rutting up against your hand which you allowed, loving how needy and desperate he is for you. You were more than happy to make him wait for you until he was a sobbing mess, getting turned on by the way he sobs for you and his big pretty eyes filled with tears that spill down his round cheeks. Tracing his bugle through the material had him shaking and breath hitching, the vibrator purring softly as his velvet walls squeeze around the toy as if it will slip out.

"Such a pretty kitty," you swallowed thickly as you took in his beauty, "And all mine." With that, you yanked the panties off which made him gasp in shock.

You got tired of seeing the thin material already, wanting to see him bare under you and marked so you wasted no time, lifting a leg of his to press a kiss to his ankle and slowly made your way to knee. Lowering yourself slowly, your eyes stared into his glossy ones as you slipped your tongue out and licked a stripe to his inner thigh, licking before pressing sloppy kisses to the soft flesh as his moans came out in soft puffs. Legs spreading further to allow you to lay comfortably between them and placed playful bites to the area before turning your attention to his twitching cocklet once again.

"Want help?"

Biting his lip as he looked away shyly, "Yes, please."

Jungkook

He's bold with anything kink related, believing it will be better if taken risks so the plug was pushed into his hole before a fan meet and he was more than excited. You being a staff member, you were there playing with the remote in your pocket and watching how he would struggle to speak and even sing which did get him concerned looks from the members and fans but it only made you both aroused. Trying to sign an album, he leaned his head onto the table and let out a shaky moan as the toy was turned all the way up, his eyes squeezed closed and jaw going slack which made the fan in front of him worry and Namjoon and Taehyung next to him ask him if he was alright. He was shaking and squeezing the pen as his thighs squeezed together, trying to calm himself down from his high but his mind was just going blank.

"I'm fine, fuck, I just got a cramp." He gasped, shifting slightly in his seat as the toy was turned down to the lowest setting.

He was trying his best to ignore the mess he made in his pants but when you came into view he was whimpering softly, wanting you to hold him and call him your good boy for cumming but you couldn't. Pouting, he quickly scribbled down his signature and got ready for the next fan, ignoring the looks the members and the manager shot him while forcing a smile to the squeaking fan. Every second talking, singing, and chatting with the small span of time with the fans was exhausting since all his entertainment was drained from that orgasm but thankfully it went by quick without the toy going past low so he managed. Once everything was finished, he rushed off the stage and to the nearest bathroom with you in tow and thankfully no one was around the area to stop you from following him into there. Locking the door behind you, you barely got to turn around without him yanking you into his embrace.

"Bunny, calm down. Don't wanting anyone bothering us." You whispered, noses touching from how close you were.

He whined, "Hurry up then Mommy, need a kiss."

With that, you closed the gap by smashing your lips against his which made him moan into the kiss as his hands shot down to his belt and unbuckled it. Hastily, he undid his pants and pushed the down to his ankles while you did the same with yours. Pulling back earned you a whine but you shushed him before pushing him onto the toilet after he dropped his boxers. Knowing you two had to be quick before they started to look for him, you pushed your panties to the side to reveal your sopping cunt which had him moaning at the sight of your slick sticking to the fabric of your panties.

"Be quiet baby." You ordered before hovering over his dick, slowly sinking down onto it with ease.

Taehyung

"Mommy." He moans against your breast, his tongue lazily swirling around your nipple which made you sigh.

Your hand pumping his dick made him whine and moan as your thumb pressed against his utheral hole teasingly. His eyes closed in bliss as he sucked contently at your swollen bud which you were more than happy to see because his flushed face was pressed against your breast cutely. Times like this is why tented windows of the company van was a wonder, letting your cute baby boy suck onto your breast while you have him a handjob, doing your best to match whatever spear the plug in his ass was going. With you in his lap, he was comfortable since your scent and warmth made it better to him and the toy in his ass had him holding you tighter, making it a little difficult to move your hand between both of your legs.

"You are so needy. I spoil you too much, don't I? Taking time out of your schedule to make my prince feel good because he is so needy for his Mommy, hm?" You sighed mindlessly, knowing his mind was somewhere else based how he tried to fuck up into your hand.

His eyebrows furrowed as the pleasure built up, the knot in his stomach slowly coming undone so he squeezed your waist, sucking harsher which made your head press against his as you moaned. Thrusting upwards sent him over the edge, spilling his release onto your hand and his thighs, detaching his lips from your bud to moan out your name. Panting softly, he leaned his head back against the seat while you reached behind you and into the glove compartment to get the wet wipes and cleaned him up while handing him his water bottle. You smiled and praised him while cleaning up the mess and he couldn't help but bury his face into your neck, breathing in your scent as he closed his eyes.

Yoongi

Yoongi would never be caught dead doing anything sexual in public, he wouldn't allow himself to be lewd anywhere that wasn't in the safety of your shared apartment. It would take a lot to convince this man to wear a plug in public for more than twenty minutes out of fear of someone noticing him and try to approach him. He was way too well known for something like that to happen to you decided to make him do it when the members were supposed to come over and have dinner. You were cleaning up the kitchen with Namjoon while Yoongi tried his best to stay quiet on the couch behind the maknae line sat on the floor, playing scrabble while he pressed the couch pillow against his chest in hope to ground himself. It was hard for him, the toy was coming in waves that thudding against his prostate thanks to the larger plug of choice. Having such a hard time, he got up and excused himself to the bedroom, in hopes to lock himself in for a minute and cum.

"I'm going to grab something from the bedroom and I'll meet you on the balcony." You excused yourself which Namjoon happily made his way to the balcony with his beer.

Making your way quietly down the hall, you heard Yoongi's soft moans between the laughs and fight of the younger members which made your heart race. You were itching to touch yourself at the idea of him taking care of his boner with everyone within earshot, it really made your pussy throb knowing if they wanted to they would hear him. Sneaking into the room that he forgot to lock, you watched his he humped the armrest of your chair in front of your makeup table, his pants straining his erection with every rut. Locking the door, you made your way over to the door and stood behind him, holding his waist which made him jolt back to reality and tried to pull away until you stop his to relax. Knowing it was you, he went back to rutting the armrest while letting out louder moans of your name.

"Just like that baby, move with the vibrations." You moaned as you pressed yourself against him.

[cordiallyfuturedwight]

jin & his bestie chef baek jong-won

[giventae]

My yoonjin fics

If you can't stand him, bend him over

Yoongi hates Jin, Jin hates Yoongi right back, and their friends just want some goddamn peace and quiet

They also want Yoongi and Jin to finally fuck it out already, but that's besides the point

(Explicit ♥ college/university au ♥ academic rivals ♥ smut, fluff)

🐹🐱

I'm with you

A flesh-eating, brain rotting disease has infected every corner of the planet. Towns are abandoned, cities up in flames, and finding others who have not been contaminated is practically unimaginable.

With no electricity, sparse food and dwindling hope, Yoongi and Jin only have each other. But that's all they need to keep going.

(Explicit ♥ apocalypse au ♥ best friends to lovers ♥ smut, fluff, angst)

🐹🐱

You're my baby

When Yoongi gets a little pouty over how much Jin coddles the other members, it's up to Jin to remind Yoongi just how much he takes care of him

(Explicit ♥ canon au ♥ established relationship/boyfriends yoonjin ♥ smut, fluff)

[borathae]

”When you find an unconscious man bearing the mark of the Ravens on his chest washed up on the riverbed, you have to choose between your duties as a healer and your instincts as a woman.”

Pairing: Bandit!Seokjin x Healer!Reader

Genre: Fantasy, s2l!AU, Romance, Smut

Warnings: lots of plot, healing from a traumatic past, wounds & mentions of blood, very mild hatred in the beginning, some bickering which later turns into flirting, so much yearning, virgin!Seokjin, subby!Seokjin, soft dom!Reader, nudity, bondage in some sort, she feeds him while he's sick :'), he is very eager to learn, he is also such a cutie :(, lots of kissing, neck kisses, praises, breast massage, the goodest boy!Jinnie, handjob, fingering, mutual masturbation, they are very needy for each other

Wordcount: 22.4k

a/n: Seriously, the more stories I write about this universe, the harder I fall in love with it. Each time I create a little thing or a new animal or some type of food, I am filled with so much joy. I love this world so much! Also, Seokjin really did it to me :( he is such a sweet man in this story, I wanna protect him :( I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed working on it 💚

~ Go to Index ~

You woke up with a strange feeling in your stomach.

Today was going to be a cursed day for you.

The feeling in your stomach has never lied to you before nor was it ever wrong.

Oh how you hated its accuracy, because as you rolled out of bed and hit your toe on the corner of your bed, you knew that it was once again right.

It continued at breakfast when the fire turned out to be hotter than on other days and burned the last of your eggs and meat. You had to eat the last two pieces of slightly dried up bread and when you looked into your jug, you had to realise in horror that Kukuruz - your cat - had drunk the last of your milk while you were sleeping.

“Kukuruz”, you had hissed at him, but he was slumbering peacefully on the window sill, “oh you cursed animal, may you wake up with a belly ache.”

Your bad luck continued as you hung up your laundry and dropped one of the pieces in the wet mud. Oh how you had cursed, because now you had to go down to the river to wash it again. And the curse didn’t stop, it continued on your way to town when your dress got stuck on some thorns and ripped at the seam.

“Oh how I truly hate this day!” you screamed at the skies, lifting your fist and waving it around.

Even in town your curse followed you like an unwanted shadow. Not only did the egg merchant sell the last eggs right before your eyes, but you had also forgotten your gold at home. You had to come to the painful realisation when you had to give up the most delicious looking piece of smoked meat because you couldn’t pay for it.

So you left the market just as empty handed as you had entered it, feeling less and less happy about ever setting foot outside your bed.

“I should have just stayed in bed”, you murmur, “my stomach was never wrong before, fatuous woman why did you not listen?” you grumble, almost running into low branches hadn’t you dodged them in the last moment.

You laugh in disbelief, gawking at them with big eyes.

“Truly, I must be cursed today”, you say and decide to be extra careful on your remaining way home. It wasn’t long anymore. Just past that glade and through the tunnel of conifer trees and your little cottage would be in arm’s reach.

It was your mother’s cottage once and her mother’s before that. It was a little outside of town, a tense conifer forest was separating it from it. But the paths were well walked on and the forest safe, except for the occasional boar and the mean tree fairies, which more often than not, loved growing roots in front of people’s feet to make them stumble and fall. One could hear their laughter in the rustling of the leaves and the creaking of branches. But they were harmless otherwise, they just loved playing tricks.

You didn’t encounter any of the little tricksters today. It truly surprised you. Out of all the days, you expected them today the most. They must be busy getting the trees ready for winter. While the tree fairies on foliage trees went to sleep together with their mothers, the tree fairies on conifer trees worked hard during the colder months to help their mothers keep their green dresses. Only now and then one of them found time in their busy day to play a quick trick on some humans, which made the entire forest rustle and croak in laughter if the trick was successful. And somehow it seemed that on such days the forest looked greener the next day, as if the fairies needed a good laugh to find more energy again.

You leave the tense canopy of spruce branches behind you, stepping onto the glade of your cottage. It was a spacious meadow, allowing the sun to shine on the ground and for a variety of plants to grow. The Singing River, which was just a hundred steps down the shallow slope, offered plenty of the clearest water. Your meadow never had to suffer from drought. It was truly a blessing. Especially as a healer, who depended heavily on the health of her many healing plants and herbs.

The air smells different here. Sweet and herbal from all the plants you were growing in the warmer months. The scent lingered even in winter as if it had already become part of the land. Perhaps it liked staying here with you and the warm sun.

“Finally”, you say and quicken your steps. Not long anymore and you are finally in the safety of your own home again. Nothing can go wrong now.

You hurry up the stairs.

Crack.

You stop and take a step back.

A ring. Golden with a silver gemstone in the middle.

“What is that?”

You bend down to pick it up and inspect it. You bite it first. It doesn’t bend under your teeth, which means that it was real.

“Where did this come from?” you murmur, looking left and right to see if you can spot a person.

You can’t. Your glade is empty.

“Huh.”

You look back at the ring. You have seen rings like such before. As the best healer in the Night Queendom you often find yourself in the Queen’s castle. You sometimes see rings like that on Her fingers.

“How did you come here?” you ask it, “did a bird drop you?”

You look up at the sky. There was no bird to spot.

“Or did magic bring you to me?”

But you would have sensed if someone tried to use magic on your land.

“Perhaps you were sent to me by the universe to break my curse?”

You slip it on your finger and then turn.

You will sell it in town and then use the money to buy the delicious smoked meat and another jug of milk.

You return successful from the market. Your basket is filled with the smoked meat and a big jug of milk and even the egg merchant had a small box of eggs back in stock. You bought all them and even treated yourself to a delicious apple. It was the last of the farmer’s successful crop, sweet with a hint of sour in its taste. Exactly how you enjoyed your apples.

The ring must have broken your curse, so you thought as you walked back home with a happy skip in your steps.

“Good morning, Kukuruz”, you greet your cat, who had woken by now and is now circling your legs as you hurry through the cottage, “have you eaten yet?”

Mreow.

“No?” you bend down and pick him up.

Kukuruz rests gladly in your arm, watching you unload your basket. His tiny legs are pulled to his body, his soft tummy is exposed and his long tail is wiggling left and right contently.

“I know you drank my milk last night.”

Mreow.

“No no, don’t blame this on the fairies. This was your doing. I found your fur on the jug.”

Meow.

“As I thought. But worry not Kukuruz, I forgive you. The most peculiar thing happened to me. I found a golden ring on our porch and you won’t believe how much it was worth.”

You pull two big bags of gold free.

“Look! This will last us till summer!” you exclaim excitedly, "and I can still save some for the bathing tub!"

But Kukuruz seemed more interested in the smoked meat, beginning to wiggle in your arms.

“By Frenya, you are such a gluttonous cat”, you murmur, setting him down, “go to your bowl, I will cut some meat for you.”

The black cat struts off with a certain bounce in his steps. He sits down in front of his bowl and meows loudly, watching you with his tail moving back and forth on the floor and his emerald eyes widened in curiosity.

You cut a piece for yourself, nibbling on it as you fill his bowl with food.

“There we go”, you tell him and pet his head, “enjoy.”

Kukuruz thanks you with a purr and begins eating deliciously.

“Very well”, you stand up, “I am outside, getting the laundry and then some water from the river. Don’t you dare stick your head into my milk or else I will turn you into a bug.”

Mreow.

"I heard that."

With your basket resting on your left hip, you hurry outside and down the three steps which separate your porch from the grass. Your clothesline was located right next to your cottage. On the wooden posts rambler roses were climbing into the skies and behind the line, a spacious bed of different mints was located. The mints liked the climate there. Slight shade and enough space to spread. It always smelled nicely here. That is why you decided to put your clothing line on this spot of land. You believe that the scent of mint will soak your fabrics and make them smell nicer for longer.

You stop and gawk at your clothing line.

“By Frenya”, you murmur.

Your clothes are gone. Except for two dresses and one kitchen towel, the clothing lines are empty.

“Thieves!” you yell, twisting and turning with your eyes burning in anger, “who took my clothes?!”

Oh you are furious! This is outrageous! Who dared to come to your cottage only to steal your clothes? Oh, if you would catch them, they would flee in fear.

“May the Morguls eat your toes while you are sleeping!” you scream, hoping they can hear you.

Now, the clothes weren’t your favourites, thank Frenya. But there were useful and sturdy and they kept your legs warm in the colder months. You rip your remaining clothes from the lines and throw them into your basket.

“Truly, I don’t wish bad on people, but oh may they find snails in their food”, you murmur, punching the small heap of clothes, “this day is cursed! I hate this!”

With your face contorted in a frown, you stomp back to your cottage. You basically kick in your door, startling Kukuruz, who has caught some sun rays on the windowsill just before.

“You won’t believe what happened to me!” you tell him loudly and drop the basket on the floor, “someone took my clothes! I am cursed, truly cursed.”

The black cat tilts his head to the side and licks over his nose.

“I know Kukuruz, that is what I said too. May the Morguls eat their toes”, you growl and huff out air.

You cross your arms in front of your chest and sit down on your wooden stool.

“How could this happen? Why would someone come here just to steal from me?” you ask no one in particular.

Kukuruz struts to the kitchen counter and sits down in front of the two bags of gold.

Mreow.

You look at him and the gold.

“You are a genius!” you exclaim, “they must have been the one putting the ring on my porch!”

Mreow.

“I know, it is peculiar. Why would they take my clothes only to then leave something so expensive behind?”

Mreow.

“You truly think so? You think that they paid for the clothes with the ring?”

Kukuruz stands up and struts back to the window sill. He lies down, rolling himself into a tiny ball of black fur.

Mreow.

“Truly, you are a genius Kukuruz. They must have been travellers, who were dressed too coldly and when they realised that I wasn’t home to offer them a pair of pants, they took them from my clothing line and paid with their ring.”

Mreow.

“Oh Kukuruz you helped me feel better, truly. What would I do without you?”

Mreow.

You laugh, “oh now you are just being cocky”, you say in a fond chuckle and stand up. You grab your bucket, “I will be by the river fetching water.”

The Singing River is calm where you live. It is just two valleys and a forest away from where it starts in the Snowy Mountains. It hasn’t reached its true width and anger yet. The riverbeds were around five big steps apart and the water was clear and calm, reaching you just below you ribs. It was freezing in the colder months but was warm enough to bathe comfortably in, during the warmer months. It also offered many different kinds of wildlife to eat and even more different kinds of plants to use for potions.

You made your own little crook in the riverbed. You had dug out the earth so the water would reach you in a gentle slope and you could enter the river comfortably. You use it to wash your clothes and fetch water and also for bathing.

You slow down your steps.

It looks different today. Someone is resting on it. He seems to be sleeping in the sun.

You squint your eyes.

“Huh”, you gasp, widening your eyes and quickening your steps.

He wasn’t sleeping! His clothes were clearly soaked in water and his left leg was leaking blood. It had formed a little puddle by now.

“Good Sir!” you call out, “good Sir, are you alright?”

The man doesn’t answer you, he doesn’t even move.

You drop your bucket and squat down beside him. His hair was as black as the feathers of ravens and his face was pale in cold, his lips blue and purple.

“Oh dear, oh dear”, you touch the side of his neck.

His skin was icy. His pulse was barely there.

“What happened to you?” you murmur, turning your attention to the wound on his leg.

Teeth must have dug themselves into his flesh. His black pants were ripped where the animal bit him, showing torn skin and muscle.

“Oh that is a truly nasty wound you have here”, you murmur.

You rip a piece of your dress off. The thorns had already ruined it either way. You bind his thigh right above the wound tightly enough to stop the bleeding.

The man hisses in his unconsciousness and moves his head.

“I must get you out of this cold”, you decide and sneak a glance at your cottage, “oh this is going to be a long way.”

You grab the man under his armpits tightly and begin dragging him up the hill.

“You are so heavy, by Frenya”, you grunt, “couldn’t the river have washed up someone less muscular?”

At one point you accidentally dropped the poor man, making him groan. You picked him up in an instant and apologized quietly.

“If you would only work with me a little.”

Dragging him up your stairs was the part most difficult. You didn’t want to hurt him and yet with every step, you dragged his limp legs up the pumpy stairs, the man let out a quiet hiss of discomfort.

“Forgive me, oh forgive me”, you murmured each time, flinching with him.

The truest struggle of them all however, was when you tried to lift him on top of your bed. 

You had two beds in your cottage. One for your patients and one in the backroom for you to sleep in. The bed for your patients wasn’t quite as high as your private bed, but despite that advantage, lifting his heavy body was no easy task.

You feel out of breath once you had managed to lift him, finding support on the foot end of the bed by leaning against it.

“Truly”, you huff out air, “you are one heavy fella.”

You take one last deep breath, then clap into your hand.

“Now, enough whining. Let’s get you out of your clothes.”

You have undressed countless people in your long career as a healer. Women, men, children, even non human creatures. They were all just living beings to you, needing your help and care. You saw nothing peculiar in it and they saw nothing peculiar in being undressed.

Today however undressing your patient turns out to be more than peculiar. You started with his pants, working slowly and beyond carefully in order not to hurt his wound. The ruined pants you threw into a bucket. You will dry them and stitch them back up later. It wasn’t peculiar until then, it started when you began taking off his upper body clothing. The ripped fur slipped off his shoulders easily, soaking your floors once you had discarded it. His black tunic opened easily.

“By Frenya!” you exclaim.

That was the moment the peculiar started.

A black raven tattoo was burned into his chest. He was one of them. A Raven of the Black Forest, the group of men who had sworn to kill every woman they come across. Your aunt fell victim to them and two girls from your village as well. All three of them were mutilated and abused by those gruesome men.

You swore to never help such monsters and that if you ever had the chance to annihilate every single one of them, you would take it. And now one of them is resting in your bed, unconscious, wounded and unable to fight back.

You act quickly. You run to your dresser and grab the knife, which you usually use for collecting plants and branches. You have it pressed against the man’s throat within seconds, twisting his hair between your fingers.

“I will kill you monster”, you spit, tilting his head up. It makes the blade glide over his skin, forcing it to break at one spot and leak one droplet of blood.

The man groans at the feeling, opening and closing his lips.

You falter.

The sound was filled with pain. The kind of pain you have heard from so many of your patients. It was a sound a person would make. It was a human sound.

You loosen the grip around his hair.

The monster made a human sound.

You study his features. Pale and relaxed. He had a forehead like everyone else, he had a nose like everyone else, he had eyes like everyone else, a mouth and cheeks and brows as well. He looked like a human.

Your fingers slip from his hair.

“What am I doing here?” you ask yourself, “I consider killing a living creature when I swore to heal them. Have I lost my mind?”

The knife slips from your fingers, landing on the floor with a dull sound. It landed directly on the person’s fur, which muffled the otherwise shrill sound.

“By Frenya, I almost killed a person”, you murmur, touching your own cheeks, “I, I must remember my duties. I am no killer, I am a healer. I save people, not end their life. If he turns out to be a monster I can still kill him. Yes? I won’t regret this, will I?”

You sleep restlessly that night, waking with every little sound the earth makes and thinking that it was the stranger coming to kill you. You know it was impossible as you made sure that even if he woke when you were asleep, he wouldn’t be able to hurt you.

You had to tie down countless people in your time as a healer. People tend to wiggle quite a great deal when they are being operated on, so one needs to know strong and secure knots in order to hold them down and minimise the chances of hurting them accidentally.

But despite that security, you wake up with heavy eyes and weak limbs the next morning. The sun was already shining and by your feet Kukuruz was licking your big toe.

“Good morning”, you greet him with your voice hoarse in exhaustion.

Mreow.

“I’m glad you did, I slept terribly”, you say and yawn, “the stranger kept me awake.”

Mreow.

You smile tiredly, “that makes me feel better. Thank you for taking watch.”

Mreow.

“Tzt. You ruined it again. Fine, I am already getting up to prepare your breakfast. By Frenya, you are such a gluttonous cat.”

Kukuruz follows you, circling your legs and rubbing his head against your calves every now and then with a deep purr vibrating in his chest.

You sneak a glance at the stranger as you pass by him. He was still sleeping, having turned his head to the other side. His lips are parted, they don’t seem so blue anymore. As a matter of fact, they have gained a pinkish glow to them.

His skin also feels warm to the touch when you check and his pulse has sped up considerably from last night.

These are all good signs. It means that your treatment helped.

“Stay, I’ll be back with medicine after making breakfast for my greedy cat”, you tell him, poking his cheek rather harshly.

It makes him roll his head to the other side and then sigh in his sleep.

Once Kukuruz was taken care of and you have prepared your own breakfast, you return to your patient. He was still sleeping, resting in the same position you left him in.

You sit down on the chair and relax back, biting into your bread with smoked meat and egg.

“You know, you are lucky that I am such a good-hearted person”, you tell him with your mouth stuffed, “other people would have left you by the riverbed.”

The man shows no signs that he heard you, sleeping soundly.

You take a sip of your warm milk and take another bite of your food afterwards.

“I wonder what happened to you. Did you fight Woltron?”

You slurp loudly and swallow the contents of your mouth happily.

“Doesn’t matter”, you say and relax with a content sigh, “I have my breakfast and that is all that matters.”

He shifts then.

You freeze up in an instant, staring at him without chewing your food.

"What are you doing? Don’t move", you tell him.

He shifts again, groaning softly.

“Oh dear, are you waking up?” you ask him.

He rolls his head into a position so that it would rest on the back of it.

You reach for the knife hastily, pointing it at the stranger with shaking hands.

His eyes open slowly, blinking heavily to get used to the light.

“Mhm”, he lets out and closes them again. He tries to roll to his side afterwards, but the ropes holding his arms down prevent it from happening.

He opens his eyes quickly, lifting his head.

“What the?” he presses out and tugs on the ropes, “what in heaven's name is going on here?”

His eyes land on you.

“Who are you?” he asks, eyes flitting to the knife, “did you tie me up?”

“Don’t move!” you warn him, waving the knife around.

He dodges it skilfully, “what are you doing?”

“You, you, y-you are a Raven, aren’t you?” you ask him, extending your arm.

He eyes the knife before he snorts.

“What are you trying to do here? Cut me open? What that grip?”

You look at the way your fingers grasp the knife. It looks slightly clumsy.

“Excuse me?” you drop your arm, “I am very capable of holding a knife.”

“Of course”, he says and begins tugging on the ropes again.

You lift the knife again, hating your arm for shaking so much.

“Don’t move.”

“Well, can you untie me first? Or tell me your name and why you have me tied up in the first place?”

“I found you by the riverbed. You were unconscious and your left leg was chewed on, so I dragged you here and took care of your wound.”

He looks down at his covered legs and scoffs.

“Fuck”, he lets out, dropping his head into the pillows, “I remember falling into the river after being ambushed by a wolf.”

“Yes, Woltron. He doesn’t like Ravens.”

“It wasn’t Woltron, it was a normal wolf. Small, agile and way too fast to escape from”, he says and tugs on the ropes again.

It makes you grip your knife tighter and lift it again. He eyes it.

“What? Are you truly planning on killing me after saving me? Why go through all the trouble then?”

“You, y-you don’t know me. P-perhaps I am a dangerous witch, w-who likes eating men alive.”

He blinks rapidly before breaking into laughter.

“Don’t laugh”, you hiss.

He laughs louder, it sounds way more high-pitched than you had imagined it would, perhaps even a little squeaky.

“Oh forgive me”, he says and laughs, “but you are no witch, you are fooling no one here.”

“Tzt”, you click your tongue, “you are rude.”

“I am not the one who tied you up.”

“Well, accept it”, you say and cross your arms in front of your chest, “this is to make sure you don’t escape before your wound is healed.”

“Of course and it is not because you are scared of me.”

“You-“ you lift the knife again, pressing the tip into his cheek, “-I will poke you in the eye if you keep up this attitude.”

He eyes the knife before looking at your face. He scoffs in amusement.

“I am already quiet”, he says and chuckles.

“Tzt”, you click your tongue, pulling the knife away and discarding it on the dresser. Then you continue eating your bread, sending dark looks the stranger’s way.

He seems mesmerised by the food, gawking at it with his tongue licking over his lips repeatedly.

“What?” you challenge him.

“Give me some”, he orders.

“That?” you show him the food, guiding it to his lips.

He lifts his head, opening his mouth in preparation.

“Why should I?” you say, pulling the food away again, “I don’t want to share with murderers.”

He grunts, closing his mouth to frown instead.

“So why safe me? Just to torture me with starvation and your terrible knife skills?”

“Ha!” you exclaim and laugh.

“Stop laughing and give me food”, he spits.

“And why should I?”

“Because I haven’t eaten in days and it hurts.”

You give him an icy glare. Keeping your patients alive is one of your duties and that means cooking meals for them and making sure they are well fed and hydrated. Oh, how you are cursing the oath you swore.

“By Frenya, I should have never rescued you”, you murmur, standing up from your chair groggily, “what do you want?”

“Just anything.”

You prepare a hearty porridge for him, adding some of the smoked meat and an onion from your garden in it. Kukuruz watched you as you cooked, but didn’t move as the sunrays hit his back most perfectly in his resting position.

You also prepare a jug of water for him as he must be terribly parched.

You bring the meal to him on a wooden tray, carrying tubes of medicine as well. 

He had been resting his eyes, but opened them when he heard you come back. Now he is watching you, eyes glued to the tray in your hands.

“What did you get? Is it good? Can I have some?” he stresses, tugging at the ropes in an attempt to sit up.

“By Frenya, you are just as gluttonous as my cat”, you murmur, setting the tray down on the chair.

He eyes it hungrily, mouth watering to the point that he has to gulp.

“Here, open up”, you say, guiding the filled spoon to his lips.

He opens his mouth gladly, almost swallowing the entire spoon just from how greedily he eats. You watch him with your nose scrunched up in disgust. Of course, a Raven has no table manners whatsoever. You didn’t expect anything else.

He chews and hums, nodding his head.

“Very good”, he says, opening his mouth afterwards so you could feed him more.

You do so not because you want to, but because it was your duty to do so.

“How did you get into this situation in the first place? Aren’t you Ravens supposed to be great fighters?”

He shrugs his shoulders, waiting for a new bite with his eyes glued to the spoon. It is remarkable how happily he allows you to feed him.

"Well then I'm not surprised that a simple wolf won over you", you murmur, basking in the dark look he sends your way. It is a small victory in your fight against the Ravens. To see one look offended by you feels great. 

The stranger swallows his food and speaks. 

"It only won because I was weakened by running for long." 

"So you were running. Where to? Where from?"

The stranger merely takes a bite and eats with his dark eyes glued to your equally dark eyes.

"I bet you were out hurting innocent women and girls." 

"I wasn’t. I ran from.." he hesitates, then shakes his head, "...give me more food and maybe then I'll talk."

“By Frenya, you truly are like my cat.”

The stranger closes his lips around the spoon and slurps up the porridge hungrily. He chews it and swallows, opening his mouth again. And so you feed him another bite, making sure that you don’t drip any of it on his chest. That would surely burn and wouldn’t make a good impression of you as a healer.

“So where are you coming from? The Black Forest? Did a monster chase you?”

He shakes his head.

“Truly? Aren’t you Ravens supposed to live in it?”

He swallows the food down.

“And that means that we can’t find ourselves in other places as well?”

“I never stated this”, you say, muffling him by sticking another spoonful of porridge into his mouth.

He makes a sound of surprise, sending you a furious glare. It leaves you unaffected. You may not be able to kill him, but that doesn’t mean that you will be gentle with the way you are feeding him.

You are gentle when you feed him the water, solely for the reason that you do not want to change his sheets in case you spilled some of the liquid. He drinks it greedily, doing so with his eyes closed and his brows furrowed.

“You must be careful, you will choke. Careful”, you warn him, supporting his head.

He grunts, swallowing greedily. He swallows and swallows until suddenly he gasps and coughs.

“See?” you say, hitting his upper back to help him, “I told you that your greed will be your downfall.”

He sends you a glare, one return all too willingly. He coughs one last time then parts his lips again, eyeing the cup greedily. You place it against his lips, watching him drink the water with your fingers buried deep in his hair.

The stranger finishes the entire cup, allowing you to lay his head down on the pillow once done. He watches you carry the dirty dishes to your work counter.

"Are you finally ready to answer my question?" you ask him, standing by the counter.

"Are you finally ready to untie my arms?" 

"No."

"Then I'm not ready either." 

"Tch."

You turn, walking back to the bed. You sit down on the chair, letting your eyes run up and down his body for long enough that the stranger shifts uncomfortably.

“What are you going to do to me now?” he asks, trying and failing to hide the nervousness in his voice.

“I have to take a look at your wound. It is most crucial that I do.”

“And I have to be tied down for that?”

You reach for the tray of medicine and scoot closer, keeping your eyes locked on him.

“Yes”, you state matter-of-factly.

The stranger scoffs.

“So I can’t flee when you poison me?”

“Oh by Frenya, you said so yourself. Why go through the effort of saving you just to end up killing you?”

The stranger swallows what he had wanted to say, clicking his tongue in distaste. You send him a triumphant grin, then reach for the blanket. You pull it off his legs halfway, making sure that his precious parts are covered.

“You undressed me?” he gasps.

“Yes, your clothes were wet and had many holes. Besides, I had to get to your wound.”

“How dare you? I gave you no permission to do such things.”

“Oh forgive me that I couldn’t get my answer when you were knocked out cold.”

“Tzt.”

“But worry not, you are not the first I see. It is actually quite common to see people in their bared state in my field of work.”

“Who are you?”

“I am me”, you tease, sending him an amused grin.

He rolls his eyes but gasps when he feels your fingers on his thigh.

"Careful.”

“Worry not, I am very careful”, you tell him, inspecting the stitches, “you got lucky you were unconscious last night. Your wound is pretty deep, so I had to stitch it up.”

“Yes, the wolf bit me quite deep.”

“It did. It even got a little chunk of you. That must have been a good treat for him”, you joke and to your surprise he actually chuckles.

You and him exchange a quick look before you return to cleaning the stitches. That felt awkward. You never intended to make a Raven laugh. 

“I fixed it for you. You got lucky you fell into the river. The cold water helped the blood vessels close up. I just had to clean it and stitch it back up.”

You wring out the cloth and press it against his skin, cleaning it off most tentatively.

“How do you know so much?” he asks.

“I’m a healer.”

“I have never met a healer before, at least not a woman.”

“Truly? You have met male healers?” you have to chuckle, “this is most remarkable, given how people don’t trust men to be able to handle such an important profession.”

“Well, this is nothing but sexism. We can be great healers too.”

“Now, now I never said that I believe in what the people say. I am sure you men have the talent for it.”

“Yes, we do. We have many talents and potential.”

“Of course, I believe you.”

“Don’t mock me”, he hisses, furrowing his brows.

“Please don’t think I did. I was being truthful”, you give him a smile, “my cousin works as a healer in the Nourishing Fields. He is a very talented healer.”

“Oh”, the stranger says and relaxes his features. Not for long as a sharp burn runs through his leg a second later. He groans and frowns.

“I know it burns”, you tell him, watching him tense up, “but it is supposed to feel that way. It is the magic which has this effect. It is quite the effective healing potion.”

“So you are a witch?”

“In a way I am, but I am most definitely not the type of witch you Ravens believe women to be.”

“Tzt.”

You give him a grin, then turn your attention to the healing potion. It was green in colour, gaining an emerald glow once you spread it on the wound. The stranger gasps and tenses his thigh.

“Are you sure that this is safe?”

“Yes of course it is. Trust me, I am very skilled in potion making.”

“Why aren’t you using your magic to heal me? Why use potions?”

“Well, you see. My magic works differently. I can use it to detect wounds and illnesses and I can infuse my potions with it, but it doesn’t really work with mending torn flesh or fixing broken bones. I can help nature, but I sadly can’t bend it.”

“But there are healers who can do such things, I have seen it be done.”

“Yes, of course there are such healers. The Menders, but they are quite the show-offs if you asked me”, you say, giving him a small smile.

He chuckles again. It is a nice chuckle. As much as it pains you to admit it, it is a nice chuckle.

“Yes, I know. We have a Mender in our circles and he is such a show-off", he says.

You laugh, “I see we are sharing a common nuisance.”

“Yes, we do.”

You exchange a smile. It was honest on both sides. 

“I’m ___”, you tell him.

“My name is Seokjin”, he answers you.

“Nice to meet you Seokjin. You are actually quite decent for a Raven.”

“Thank you. You are quite decent for a woman too", he jokes.

He makes you chuckle.

“Now lift your leg, I have to wrap it up so the potion doesn’t rub off.”

He follows and watches you work. You tighten the white bandages with a skilled knot, smoothing over his thigh once done.

“How is that? Is it too tight?”

“No, it feels comfortable.”

“Well then, relax. Your clothes should be dried by now”, you tell him and stand up to leave.

Your cottage is surprisingly spacious. You have your work room in the front. It is the room you come in first when you enter. It houses a patient bed, shelves for your many books and potions, a working table and your kitchen, which has a wonderful view out on the meadow and the Singing River. To the left are your living quarters. One room, which houses your bed and more shelves for more of your books. It also houses a big fireplace, which is currently crackling and warming the cottage. It also dries the Raven Seokjin’s clothes and one of your tunics, which you will use later for sleeping. Your buttery was just left of the fireplace through a wooden door. To the right, just past the fireplace a doorway leads to a small washing room. It was not big and most definitely not luxurious, but it housed a washing bowl and a toilet seat. Which was most convenient in winter as you didn’t have to leave the warmth of your cottage to do your business. You are also currently saving up for a bathtub. You dreamt of having one after visiting the Queen to sell Her some of your sleep inducing bathing oils. You snuck a glimpse at her bathing tub then and decided to save up for your own. It will still take some time, but you are patient.

“You are lucky. Your clothes have dried over night”, you tell Seokjin as you return.

He lifts his head, propping himself up on his elbows.

“I stitched the holes in them, so you don’t have to worry about feeling the wind on your skin.”

You place the clothes on top of his stomach. He eyes them.

“Tell me, how should I put them on when my hands are still tied?” he asks, lifting them as high as the ropes allow him to.

“Oh yes, I completely forgot.”

Once your knife was grabbed, you loosen the knots, taking a cautious step back and pointing the knife at him. He eyes it and scoffs in amusement.

“I see that I am still at knife point here.”

“I’m just making sure. I don’t let a pretty face and comfortable conversation trick me.”

“Yes indeed, I am quite handsome”, he agrees and sits up.

You try not to laugh, but the corners of your mouth still curl upwards. He isn’t lying. He is very handsome. His torso carried strength and muscles, his shoulders were broad and perfectly defined. His legs were long and perfectly proportionate to the rest of his body. You also think that his thighs look very tempting, especially in those tight linen pants of his'. He pulls the tunic over his head, messing up his raven hair. It was longer in the back, framing his face in a way that draws your eyes to it. He had a handsome face. His eyes were dark in colour and fit perfectly on his head, his nose was straight, guiding your eyes down to his lips. Plumb and pink, they were chapped from the winter winds, but looked better than last night after you put some moisturizing oils on them.

“So why are you here?” you ask him, watching him fix how the shirt sits on his torso.

“I escaped the Queen’s castle.”

“What?” you gasp. He is a fugitive. You are housing a criminal. Quick. You need to act quick. You grab your knife harder and point it at him.

“Not that bad grip again”, he says, sounding amusedly exhausted.

“Hands behind your back!” you tell him loudly, “I shall bring you back to Her, criminal!”

Seokjin lifts his hands and smiles.

“I am no criminal, I did what had to be done.”

Everything falls into place now.

“You killed the Queen?” you squeak out, “that is why you ran? Because you killed Her?”

“What?” he laughs loudly, throwing his head back.

“Don’t laugh, murderer”, you hiss, stepping closer to poke his stomach with the knife.

But Seokjin is quicker, grabbing your wrists and using your strength against you. He makes you drop the knife and twirls you.

“Eek”, you squeak, falling.

He catches you before you can fall on your butt, now having your body cradled in his arms and tilted back slightly.

“I told you”, he whispers, letting his breath swirls over your lips, “you have terrible knife skills.”

By Frenya, your heart fluttered.

“And just so you know, I didn’t kill the Queen. I escaped because I didn’t want to live under yet another ruler”, he says, letting his eyes flit to your lips for just a second.

“Well I”, you feel your heart flutter again and your eyes flit to his lips as well. By Frenya, they look so tempting up-close. Pink and so incredibly pillowy.

Seokjin tilts his head, moving closer.

“I hah”, you let out, turning your head away, “let go of me.”

Seokjin sighs in disappointment and helps you straighten up. He steps back, but not after allowing his hand to linger on your lower back for just a second too long.

You fix your collar, clearing your throat.

“You!”  you exclaim, scurrying to retrieve the knife. "You!", you point the knife at him, “you rascal! How dare you!” you call out dramatically, trying to cover up just how flustered he has gotten you.

Seokjin snickers, lifting his arms above his head.

“You are funny”, he says, earning himself a slight poke into the chest.

“You are such rude man. You will sit on the bed now and behave”, you warn, poking him again.

“Ah okay, okay I am already sitting”, he says, “dear heavens, the woman really poked me with a knife”, he mumbles to himself, rubbing the spot you touched.

Seokjin studies your figure.

“And now?” he asks, sitting on the bed dressed and with his eyes fixated on the knife.

“Now I want you to put your hands on your lap.”

He follows. You inch closer to him, pressing the knife against his throat once close enough.

“Don’t move or else I’ll cut you”, you warn.

He smirks, “I won’t move.”

“Good”, you say, squatting down in front of him.

You place the knife on your lap and snatch some spare ropes, wrapping them around his wrists quickly. You know the knots by memory, so working quickly doesn’t mean that you don’t work diligently. Just seconds later, his wrists are bound in a way that allows them no movement. You pick up your knife again, locking eyes with him.

“So now I’m your prisoner?”

“Yes, until I figure out what to do with you.”

“What if I have to go to the loo?”

“Then you can be creative. I’m sure you have lots of practice in holding your cock.”

He laughs, “and why should I?”

“Because I know you Ravens don’t have women. How else should you find your release?”

“We”, he blinks in confusion, “touching ourselves is forbidden. It lets the demons inside.”

“By Frenya”, you murmur, “Rafkan is one crazy fella, isn’t he?”

Seokjin furrows his brows, “well, it doesn’t?”

“Of course not”, you say and chuckle, “hell, if you asked me, it actually helps with your demons. You know? One stressful day, a quick”, you mimic jerking off, “and you are good to go again.”

His face is ruby instantly, the colour even spreads to his ears.

“No!” he exclaims, widening his eyes, “no, I would never”, he insists, having to lower his head in coyness.

It is quite adorable how easily he flustered. You chuckle and stand up, giving his head a soft pat.

“Either way, you should rest some more, the cold gave your body quite the hard time. It is best if you sleep it off before a fever takes hold of you.”

“What will you do?”

“I have patients to care for, worry not I will still keep an eye on you”, you say and just seconds later a knock on your door lets you know that your first patient had just arrived.

It has been a week since you found Seokjin washed up by the riverbed. He is still with you, having gained the privilege of free limbs under the condition that he will help you keep the cottage clean. He accepted because his leg still needed to heal and he also didn’t want to stay in the cold outside. So he agreed on being your servant for the time being, preparing food when you are busy and keeping the work counters clean for your next patient.

He is actually quite the remarkable servant. Hardworking too. And most definitely handsome. Oh dear, here you are again staring at his face when he doesn’t notice. You break your eyes away from him, looking at the books you had read through before.

“Seokjin”, you call his attention.

“Yes?” he asks, limping to you.

“Would you mind bringing me the bottles of ghostworth please?”

“Ghostworth? How do they look?”

“The translucent ones. Worry not, it’s labelled.”

You hear him limb to your herbs cabinet and come to a standstill. Silence. More silence. Even more silence.

You turn to check on him. He is looking at the cabinet, fumbling with the bottles while mumbling something to himself.

“Seokjin?”

“I almost got it”, he says and whispers to himself again, squinting his eyes.

You stand up and close the distance between you and him.

“I got it”, he says, moving closer to the shelf.

“It’s here”, you say, pointing at the bottle at which he is staring, “ghostworth, it reads right there.”

“Yes! Exactly”, he takes out of the shelf, “I was just about to grab it.”

He hands it to you with his ears and cheeks burning up. Oh this is peculiar. You ought to investigate.

“Seokjin, what does this bottle read?” you ask him, pointing at the random bottle on the shelf.

He looks at it, squinting his eyes. Panic washes over his features.

“Basil”, he says.

“Mint”, you answer him, furrowing your brows.

He seems disappointed, sagging his shoulders.

“You can’t read, can you?”

With his eyes lowers he turns to you, shaking his head.

“Oh dear, oh dear.”

“Don’t mock me”, he hisses, feeling embarrassed.

“I’m not”, you assure him then give him a smile, “do you want me to teach you?”

“You would do that?”

“Yes of course, come follow me. I will teach you.”

Seokjin follows gladly, sitting down next to you with a quill and some paper ready. Oh, his eyes sparkle oh so much, his cheeks are glowing oh so much. You find it almost adorable just how eager he seems to learn the art of interpreting letters.

And so you spent the rest of your day teaching Seokjin the letters of your language, explaining to him how he can put them on paper and how to form them into words. Seokjin works diligently, scribbling the messiest letters at first before gaining great perfection in them. By the end of the day, he can even write his own name. He is currently trying to write down yours, sitting next to you at the work table.

“Look ___”, he calls your attention away from the medicine you were working on.

You turn and look at the letter covered sheet of paper. He points at your name he wrote in squiggly letters.

“This is your name.”

“Indeed it is.”

“Do you think it looks good?”

“Yes, indeed. You have a great talent for connecting the letters”, you say, making him beam in pride, “practice some more and you will be fluent in no time.”

“I will. I will practice all night”, he says excitedly and turns to his task again. With his tongue sticking out at the corner of his mouth and his brows furrowed, he practices his letters while you prepare the medicine and later cook dinner. Even during dinner he has one eye on the letters constantly, reading them over and over so he wouldn’t forget them again.

"Do you enjoy this?" you ask him over the brim of your soup bowl. 

"I do", he says, nodding his head vigorously, "I can't believe how easy this is." 

You study his features.

"Can I ask. Can none of you read?" 

"None of us?" 

"Ravens. Do you never learn how to read?" 

Seokjin shakes his head, "only Rafkan knows how to read. He says that it was a burden from his past and that he doesn’t want us to succumb to the horrors reading brings."

"Well, that sounds like horseshit", you scowl in distaste, "no wonder he is able to fill your heads with such lies when you poor boys can’t even read the real history of this queendom." 

Seokjin lets out a breathy laugh, blinking his eyes in disbelief.

"I don't", he begins, but doesn’t find the right words to continue.

You sense his discomfort and give him a reassuring smile. 

"You should eat the soup and practice more. I promise that you will find no horrors because of reading." 

Seokjin nods his head, looking back into his papers. 

"I want to read", he whispers more to himself than to you, "I really want to read." 

It is deep into the night and you have just returned from the washing room. Seokjin’s sleeping place by the fireplace is still empty. By this time he would already be under his blanket with his head resting on his many pillows and Kukuruz slumbering by his head. Tonight however, only Kukuruz was occupying the fur. 

“Seokjin?” you call out.

He should be here by now, slumbering peacefully.

“Are you still practicing?” you ask, entering your work room just to realise that Seokjin had fallen asleep by the desk. His cheek is squished against the surface, his lips are parted in calm breaths, the quill is still between his fingers.

You smile.

“Seokjin dear, wake up”, you tell him, shaking him softly.

He wakes with a gasp, flinching harshly. His head snaps up, revealing his ink covered cheek. He blinks his eyes at you sleepily.

“You shouldn’t sleep here, it will hurt your back. Come to bed.”

“I fell asleep”, he murmurs, letting you pull him to his feet in his sleep-drunken state. He stumbles after you, barely keeping his head up right.

“I know, it’s from all the practicing you've been doing. Now lie down, get comfortable.”

Seokjin allows you to tug him in and fluff up his pillow so his head would be comfortable. You reach out and wipe the ink of his cheek. It makes him blink at you sleepily and for his lips to curl into a tiny, almost content, smile.

“Sleep now”, you tell him softly.

“Thank you ___, I always wanted to be able to read”, he whispers, eyes reflecting the sparkles of the fire.

“And I’m sure you will be great at it in a few days.”

"Thank you so much…"

Seokjin closes his eyes and smiles. He falls asleep that way. Smiling.  

Seokjin practices diligently the next day. You give him one of your easier books so he could copy words out of it and by the time the sun had passed its zenith, he already knew how to read a small passage of text. Now, you believe that he merely remembered the sounds of it after hours and hours of practice, but it was still impressive.

“___ please listen to that”, he calls your attention.

You have just said goodbye to a patient, now turning around to look at him.

“I am listening.”

Seokjin takes a deep breath.

“The mulberry fruit is sim…iliar in length and in…width than a thumb”, he speaks slowly, creasing his forehead in concentration. Then he lifts his head, looking at you with widened eyes, “I read that.”

“I heard”, you have to smile at him for you found him beyond adorable, “that was very good. You are a diligent student.”

He begins blushing, “thank you”, he says, barely containing his excitement, but managing to by hiding his mouth behind his hand.

The moment would have continued to be beautiful, hadn’t the door sprung open loudly and startled the both of you.

“Healer ___! Oh healer! Please, I am begging you, we need you!” a man, you know his name to be Yorm, screams.

His wife, Yelana was her name, was beside him. Her dress was covered in blood.

“What happened?” you are on high alert instantly, looking at their little daughter lying unconscious in her father’s arm.

“The Ravens! It was the Ravens! They ambushed our little Yela when she was playing in the forest! She is barely breathing and bleeding! Bleeding out of her stomach!”

“Put her down. Quick, be careful. Seokjin make space. We need the space.”

Seokjin stumbles to the side, clutching his little book while watching in horror as the crying parents have to lie down their little daughter. The blood has soaked through her dress, spilled all over her father’s tunic. She is barely breathing, looking to be in great pain.

You work quickly, diligently, carefully. Her dress you open, revealing the clashing wound on the side of her stomach. Seokjin feels disgusted. Not by the wound or the blood. But by who did this. The Ravens. His people hurt that little girl.

“How did this happen?” he asks the mother.

“Oh I don’t know”, she wails, “she was playing. She was merely playing. Why, oh why would they hurt my little girl? Why? She has done nothing wrong! She is just a little girl! Just a girl!”

“I’m so sorry”, he croaks, feeling his heart break when the mother begins crying miserably. She falls into her husband’s arms, who joins her painful wailing seconds later.

His people hurt that little girl.

Seokjin stares at her.

They hurt a little girl.

A child.

An innocent person.

“Seokjin!” your harsh voice rips him out of his painful trance.

“Y-yes?”

“Bring me the blood stopping potion. The one in the red bottle! Quick!”

Seokjin runs fast. He runs as fast as he can, fighting against his tears because of what his people did. He almost drops it as he hands it to you, apologizing for his clumsiness with a shaky voice.

“Bandages. Quick”, you however just bark your next order, already applying the potion to the little girl’s wound to finally stop the bleeding. A red glow fills the aura around her. The potion begins to work.

Seokjin can’t see that it does. He is too busy running and running and running to get the bandages. He has to be helpful. He has to save that little girl. His thigh is aching unbearably but he can’t let it stop him. He has to be quick.

He is limping as he runs, feeling out of breath.

“Bandages. Here.”

“Good. Open them. Get them ready, I will need them soon.”

“Yes! I will, oh god, I-I will.”

Seokjin works with shaking fingers. Oh why do they not want to open? Are they stuck together by magic? Come now, fingers! Work! You have to open those bandages! Open them!

“There we go”, he hears you say and watches as you straighten your back, “I closed the wound.”

“Oh by Frenya!” the mother and father exclaim behind him, “is she safe? Did you safe her?”

“Yes, you have nothing to worry about. The wound looked worse than it was. She will survive.”

Seokjin should feel relief, but he doesn’t. He is too shaken up. He can’t even be happy when the parents fall around your neck and thank you with loud sobs and promises of endless prayers for you.

He leaves in the end, once you told him to get some fresh air.

He doesn’t know what he did in that time. He sat, but felt numb in shock. He thought whilst thinking nothing at all. He felt whilst feeling nothing at all.

He is sitting on the stairs once you come out, staring at the ground with lifeless eyes.

“Hello there”, you greet him.

He blinks and turns his head. He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at you with glassy eyes.

“How are you feeling?” you ask him.

He shows you his shaking hand.

“I can’t stop shaking”, he says and laughs painfully, “is this normal?”

“Yes, worry not. I was so shaken in my first few years as a healer that I couldn’t sleep afterwards. It gets better with time.”

“Hah”, he lets out and laughs again.

You know that this was a nervous reaction. When the brain gets overwhelmed, it tends to tell the body to laugh because otherwise it would be unable to handle the stress.

“Forgive me for putting you through this”, you say and offer him a mug of tea, “here, drink this. It will lessen the shakes.”

He accepts it and drinks it with two hands holding the mug. He lowers it afterwards, keeping it balanced on his thigh. His fingers are playing with the handle. It made a faint clicking sound each time he graced his fingernails over the material.

“We did this”, he says.

“I don’t seem to understand.”

“My people did this”, he says and touches his chest, “we hurt a little child.”

You eye the covered raven tattoo on his chest and the way his fingers twist his tunic painfully tight.

“Don’t compare yourself to those monsters. You didn’t hurt her, you saved her life. You are not the same as them.”

“And yet I was, not so long ago”, he lowers his head, “fuck, what have I done?”

“Seokjin, look at me.”

He lifts his head just enough to be able to look into your eyes.

“Your past is messy and dark and filled with mistakes, but it has passed and it can’t define who you want to be in the present.”

He furrows his brows.

“So don’t say that your people did this, because those monsters aren’t your people anymore and you surely aren’t their people either.”

“You truly think so?”

“Yes, I truly do.”

He smiles and while it looked sad, it was also filled with relief.

“Thank you”, he says barely audibly before having to look away and rub at his eyes to stop them from tearing up.

You reach out to give his upper back a gentle pat. He wasn’t shivering as much anymore.

“You did great in there. I mean it, you helped me a great deal”, you praise.

“Thank you. I had no idea what I was doing.”

You laugh, giving his back a gentle rub.

“You still did great.”

“I’m so glad I did”, he says. He takes a deep breath, lifting his head not only to get rid of the tears but also to look at the stars, “it felt good to help another person.”

“Yes that is why I love being a healer. Now, there are losses and those days leave a great aching behind. But most days are like today, filled with worry and yet at the end”, you look at the moon and smile, “at the end they bring great happiness with them.”

“You are a great healer.”

You turn your head only to realise that Seokjin was looking at you. His eyes reflected the light of the moon, his pretty lips were curled into a warm smile.

By Frenya, your heart is fluttering and your stomach tingles. Oh, it is the most unfamiliar of feelings.

“Thank you”, you whisper, eyes racing between his' without wanting to break away.

Seokjin nods his head and touches his chest. He closes his fingers around the tunic. 

"Can you heal me from this mark?" he asks. 

"I don't know if I can. And even if I could, it would hurt unbearably."

"I'm willing to take it if that means that I’m finally rid of it", he says, eyes filling with tears and lips curling in a painful scowl, "I want to cut it off. Why does it have to be on me?" he croaks, clawing at his chest.

"Hey", you stop him from hurting himself by taking his hand, "don’t do that. You’ll only hurt yourself", you speak softly.

"I don't care. I want it gone."

"But I care", you whisper, tracing his knuckles.

Seokjin whimpers softly, teary eyes flitting to you. He sniffles but doesn’t cry any more. 

"I promise you, we will find a solution together, but for now be patient please. I don’t want you to hurt yourself."

Seokjin hesitates, sniffles, lowers his eyes and nods his head. 

"Thank you", you say and pull back, “I think I should see how our patient is doing”, you say and stand up. You fix the front of your tunic and clear your throat, “you should stay here and catch fresh air, I know that healing people isn’t for everyone.”

Seokjin looks up at you. His eyes seem softer than they usually do.

“Yes, I will”, he breathes and finally shows his teeth in a hopeful smile.

Yela’s parents pick her up after eight moons and nine suns. The little girl looks healthier and thanked you with a hug. She also thanked Seokjin, who could barely accept her hug in guilt. But Yela insisted and so Seokjin allowed her to hug him and smiled when she called him her saviour too.

It was a busy today. Once the months were cold and the ground was covered in white snow, people tend seek your help for sore throats, stuffy noses and terrible coughs. It wasn’t hard work and required more knowledge about medicine than skill and you really liked it. Seokjin stayed by your side and watched you work. He asked many questions at first, so you gave him one of your empty notebooks and your favourite quill and told him to write down whatever he learned for later. He did so happily, even going so far as to draw the different bottles of medicine and scribbling the illness they could heal whenever the day was calmer.

You just said goodbye to the last of your patients for the day, now turning to Seokjin. He is busy storing the bottles of medicine by name. It fills you with pride to see how far in his readings he has already come. He is truly such a diligent student.

“Today was very busy”, you say.

He lifts his head.

“Yes, you worked very diligently.”

He makes you smile.

“I saw that you took many notes as well”, you say, reaching for his book. You open it, having to chuckle at the very badly done drawings.

“Why are you laughing?” he asks, drawing closer to you so he could look into the book as well.

“It is just that you truly weren’t graced by the drawing goddesses.”

He gasps, widening his eyes, “I worked very hard on them”, he whines, pouting most cutely.

“Oh Seokjin”, you chuckle, patting his arm, “truly I can see your hard work, they are just terrible drawings.”

“This is outrageous. Give me back my book, you have lost the right to look”, he says, ripping it out of your grasp to press it against his chest instead. He looks beyond lovable right now, sulking with the sweetest expression on his face.

“Forgive me”, you giggle, giving his cheek a soft pet, “come, I shall make up for it with food. We shall eat the pork belly Godfry left with us.”

Seokjin huffs out air, “very well, but I will only forgive you if you fry it.”

You laugh, “you are difficult to bargain with, aren’t you?”

“Perhaps”, Seokjin says and gives you a boyish grin.

This night you enjoy perfectly crispy pork belly with some winter potatoes. Even Kukuruz gets his own portion, enjoying it by Seokjin’s feet with a content purr.

It becomes a regular thing that Seokjin stays with you as you work. At first he sits just a little far off to the right and writes in his book. But as days turn into weeks and Seokjin managed to fill two notebooks with his words and terrible drawings, you find yourself getting help from him more actively. Especially when patients come with sore throats or a nasty cold. You can be sure that Seokjin will wait for you with the right medicines and a proud sparkle in his eyes. He is truly such a diligent student.

You have run out of potions last night and so you spent your entire day brewing and preparing new ones. The sun has long past its zenith by now and the cottage smelled of herbs and warm oils. It was a good smell, one that even Kukuruz enjoyed as he slumbered by the window sill.

You close the now freshly filled bottle of healing potion, placing it on its destined place on your shelve.

Seokjin limps past you, carrying empty flasks for you to fill up.

“Is your leg acting up again?” you ask him with worry in your gaze.

“Yes, slightly”, he answers you.

“Come, take off your pants and sit. I will take a look at it”, you tell him.

“Oh no, it’s not that painful.”

“Doesn’t matter”, you dismiss him, “I should check on it regardless.”

Seokjin lowers his eyes and lets out a sigh of defeat.

“Very well, you won’t take no as an answer either way.”

So it happens that Seokjin strips to his undergarment and sits down on the patient bed, resting his weight on his hands.

“How long has it been hurting again?”

“Just a few nights.”

“A few nights? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to put more work on your shoulders. You have already so much to do now that the weather is so cold.”

“Oh silly man”, you give his thigh a soft slap, “you are no work.”

“Oh”, he lets out, lowering his head shyly just as his ears gain a red colour to them.

“Now, let’s see what the issue may be.”

You take off his bandages carefully, throwing them in your bucket of used bandages. You will wash them with the rest tomorrow.

The stitched wound looks well, except for one part where slight reddish wetness is covering his skin.

“Oh dear, look at that”, you say, touching the reddened skin beside it.

Seokjin hisses in pain, tensing his thigh.

“This is where it hurts.”

“No wonder it does. You rubbed it open.”

“Is it dangerous?”

You chuckle, shaking your head.

“Not when I take care of it”, you assure him, giving him a sweet smile. You caress his knee most tenderly, “stay here, I will get the healing potion.”

Seokjin watches you, sitting on the bed with his hands folded in front of his crotch. He feels most peculiar lately. He feels shy when he is bared to you. He didn’t feel like that in the past, but these days he does. In those moments he was plagued by worries of whether you would find enjoyment in his legs until he had to remind himself just how silly such worries were.

You return to the bed, setting everything you needed down.

“I will clean it first. Tell me if it hurts.”

Seokjin nods his head, feeling his skin tingle in goosebumps on the parts where your fingertips found their resting spot.

“How is that?” you ask him.

“It doesn’t hurt. It is just cold.”

You chuckle, “yes, I’ve kept the water outside for too long. It almost froze over.”

“The winter is really cold this year. I’m glad that I can spend it in warmth.”

You wash out the cloth and once done, return to cleaning him. His flesh is covered in goosebumps, they look most fascinating in the lights.

“So you have no huts in the Black Forest?”

“No. Rafkan believes that houses are the product of witches to keep the man lazy and weak. One can’t find their true strength when they are warm.”

“How silly”, you have to laugh, “if one gets oh so weak in the warmth then tell me why so many people freeze to death.”

“Yes”, Seokjin lowers his eyes shyly, “I never really understood the logic behind his words. I really hated the winters. I was lucky however, many of my brothers weren’t. Rafkan told us that those men were weakened by witches, but I believe that they simply lost to nature.”

“That is terrible”, you gasp, “my condolences, Seokjin.”

“Thank you”, he says, giving you a sad smile.

You retort it.

“I shall look at your wound now, so hold still.”

“I understand”, he says, watching you work in silence.

He will heal. There must have been too much pressure on his leg and therefore it managed to rub open. It is not deep and the stitches were in order as well. A good layer of healing potion will do the trick.

“I heard that the Queen gave many Ravens a safe home in Her walls.”

“Yes, She did.”

“And you didn’t want this life?” you ask him.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to be trapped”, he says, slightly defensive, “I spent most of my life trapped in this cursed forest”, he spits and points east at where the Black Forest was hidden, “and then I was supposed to find freedom locked behind stone walls? What’s better about that?” he says, speaking calmly again.

“Safety, warm food, soft beds, no poisonous fumes or monsters”, you say, counting them all on your fingers.

He scoffs and shakes his head, “well, I didn’t want that. I don’t….” he takes a deep breath and releases it through his nose, “….I don’t want to live under the hand of someone else anymore.”

His features seem sad. His eyes carried the heaviness of a burden in them. His teeth bit on his lower lip in contemplation.

“So you ran away because you wanted freedom?”

“Yes, freedom”, he straightens up, “that is what I want. I want freedom, to live solely for myself.”

He looks at you.

“I know that you women aren’t witches. I’ve learned as much from the Queen”, he says, eyes lingering on your lips before breaking away to look at your working fingers instead, “She isn’t a bad person, She is very kind if I may be honest and I know my life in the castle would have been nice…”, he falls silent as he drifts back into his thoughts.

You spread the first layer of healing potion on his skin as you wait for him to continue.

“…but I escaped Rafkan to finally gain my freedom and in Her castle I would have had to live under yet another ruler. No”, he shakes his head, “this was no life for me. So I ran away.”

He looks at his leg.

“I managed to put two nights between the castle and me when this cursed wolf attacked me and bit my leg and I fell into this cursed river”, he explains and laughs, “I must say, this was a wonderful escape. I not only escaped Her castle but almost life itself”, he jokes and laughs.

You chuckle softly.

“At least you met me.”

He looks into your eyes. He had stopped laughing for your eyes mesmerised him far too much. A peculiar feeling tingles in your chest. It felt warm and as if, for only a second, you found it hard to breathe.

“I meant that you were lucky you found me. I helped you. I, I didn’t mean you f-found love or – oh dear this is not what I meant I don’t – forgive me, I am making no sense”, you explain yourself.

Seokjin smiles without showing his teeth. It makes his cheeks seem puffier for only a second.

“Yes, I found you. I’m glad I did.”

“Really?”

“Yes, you saved me. So thank you.”

“Of course”, you whisper. You didn’t want to whisper, but for some reason your voice didn’t want to come out any other way.

You laugh, looking back at his leg because you needed to do something other than feel flustered. Perhaps having his naked skin beneath your fingertips wasn’t the best distraction, but at least like this, you couldn’t lose yourself in his eyes again.

You reach for the bandages.

“Hold that in place for me.”

He obeys diligently, allowing his finger to brush against your hand, which elicits a millions of goosebumps on your skin.

"You will find your freedom. I promise you", you say quietly, "I won’t stop until I find a way to remove your mark and then you can go wherever you want to", you find it hard to speak the words and you can’t figure out why it felt so difficult.

"Thank you", he whispers, fingers almost touching your knuckles before pulling back shyly.

It was a sunny day today. The air was still cold, but at least the skies were blue and the sun was bright. It made the walk to the riverbed quite wonderful.

You had an important job to do today. Yela’s parents sent a hawk this morning, informing you that they ran out of medicine for their daughter. Her wound was healing splendidly but Yela had another condition which made it hard for her to digest the sugar in food. She takes a potion to help her with that. You sent the hawk back with promises of delivering the potions to them later. 

So you ate a quick breakfast and then began working on preparing the medicine. Seokjin insisted on helping and you allowed him. You had to sneak out for a quick moment to get water as Kukuruz informed you that his bowl was empty and that he wanted more. Of course you wouldn’t want your cat to feel parched, so you left the cottage when Seokjin was busy in the living quarters getting books on spells.

He is grinding the herbs when you come back. The book, which he found, he placed on the work table. He lifts his head upon hearing the door close, locking eyes with you.

“I thought they would lose their potency if I kept them for too long”, he explains.

“They don’t really, but one can’t be sure enough. Thank you”, you tell him, setting the bucket down next to the work table.

Mreow.

The black cat is circling your legs.

“Yes I got new water Kukuruz. Come, bring me your bowl and I will fill it up for you.”

Mreow.

“Now, now don’t talk back. I know you can do it.”

Meow.

“I heard that!” you call out.

“Can you truly understand your cat?”

“Yes, of course I can. Here, look”, you say and show him a delicate silver bracelet. There was a yellow stone in the middle, enclosed in a cage of branches, “I went to a sorceress and asked her for one of those cat talking bracelets.”

Seokjin widens his eyes.

“So they are truthful?” he gasps, “I have always thought them to be gimmicks.”

“Oh me too, but they are very true. I was oh so surprised to hear voices in my cottage until I realised that it was Kukuruz talking to me.”

The latter is currently strutting back to the bucket, carrying his wooden water bowl in his little mouth. He sets it down and looks up.

Mreow.

“Thank you.”

“What did he tell you?”

“He told me here you go, my bowl.”

“Hah, this is remarkable”, Seokjin says.

“Yes?” you kneel down to prepare the water for Kukuruz, “do you want to try?”

“Yes, please”, he exclaims with sparkling eyes. He giggles as you secure the bracelet on his wrist, turning his attention to Kukuruz afterwards, “Kukuruz?”

Mreow.

“Oh!” he exclaims, squeaking in happiness, “oh I can understand you.”

Mreow.

“No, this is my first time I am hearing your voice! Oh you sound deeper than I imagined you to sound.”

Mreow.

Seokjin giggles, leaning down to pet the cat’s head.

“It is nice to meet you too Kukuruz.”

He turns to you, giving you a blinding smile.

“This is the most remarkable invention”, he says, making you smile.

“You can keep it on for today.”

“Truly? You would allow me?”

“Yes, of course”, you allow him and pull your stool next to Seokjin to sit down, “shall I show you how to make this medicine?”

He nods his head.

“Well then”, you sneak a glance at the contents in the stone bowl, “you need to give the herbs five more grinds, they should be perfect then.”

“I understand”, he says and goes to work. You watch his hands as he works. They look elegant, his nails are clean and his nail beds look well-taken care of. It is surprising to see such hands on a Raven. You always expected them to be dirty and for their hands to be horrid to look at. But his hands aren’t horrid to look at, they are actually quite beautiful.

“Does the Queen look for you?” you ask him.

“I don’t know, I don’t believe She does. Perhaps She is already dead.”

“I don’t understand.”

Seokjin seems to hesitate.

“I shall tell you, but only if you promise me not to pull the knife on me again.”

You meet his eyes. He seems just slightly nervous of the truth.

“Fine”, you give in with a fond chuckle, “I shall hear you out.”

He gives you a grateful smile and looks back at the herbs.

“I finished grinding them, what should I do next?”

“Ah yes of course”, you say and reach for three different bottles of oils, “you must add five drops of treebark oil”, you explain and put the green flask next to his hand, “then one dash of Kreusel fish oil” you add, placing a spray bottle next to the flask, “and fill it up halfway with this”, you say and place a bottle of rosehip oil next to the others.

Seokjin nods in understanding and begins working.

You allow him to count the five drops and one dash, but ask him for his story once he uses the rosehip oil.

“Rafkan sent me to kill the Queen”, he begins, making you widen your eyes in surprise, “and I attempted to kill Her, but She was quicker and captured me.”

“So you were Her prisoner?”

“Just in the beginning. Should I mix it?”

“Yes, mix it until the candle burned down to the second line.”

He nods his head in understanding and mix it with the mortar.

"So why do you think that She might be dead already?" 

"Because I believe that Rafkan will send more Ravens until She is dead", he explains, "we agreed on a signal once we were successful in killing Her. Send a raven back to him with Her cut off finger ties to its legs. That’s what he told me to do."

"This is gruesome."

"Yes and until this raven doesn’t return to him, Rafkan will continue sending boys into their…well", he laughs breathily, "perhaps it is a good thing those boys keep trying. At least they will find saving this way."

Seokjin looks at you.

"I have a little brother. Not through blood, but he is the dearest to my heart. His name is Jungkook. I really hope that Rafkan sends him next and that he will be caught and find freedom that way."

You smile softly, "I really hope so too. Is he like you? Forced to be someone he doesn’t want to be?" 

Seokjin shakes his head, "he is so terribly influenced by Rafkan that it will be hard for the Queen to convince him", he says in a fond chuckle.

It makes you laugh as well. Even if you had no knowledge about Jungkook.

"I always wanted to flee", Seokjin continues, "that is why I volunteered when he asked. But Jungkook, he", Seokjin laughs painfully, "he called me hurtful things during our last conversation. I asked him to flee with me, but he refused and said stuff I know he didn’t mean."

"I'm sorry, that sounds painful."

"No, I’m not angry at him. He is still so young and he has so much to learn. I hope he will find the truth in the Queen’s castle and then heal from all the pain Rafkan caused him. I really wish this for him."

"I am sure that he will", you assure him, "maybe you can see him again one day."

"I really hope I will. I want to hug him if I ever do." 

He smiles, laughs softly and looks back at the medicine. 

"I'm rambling, I’m sorry."

"You really aren’t. So you said that She wanted to give you a home. But then you said that you were her prisoner. Did you lie?”

“No, I was free to move in the castle, but I wasn’t allowed to leave it yet. So in a way, I was still Her prisoner and I didn’t want that. I wanted to see the world.”

“I understand that. I heard that Rafkan doesn’t really allow you to leave. I bet going on this mission to kill Her felt like your key to freedom.”

He nods his head.

“Well, once your legs is healed completely I promise you that you can truly find it", you say and nudge his arm, “then you can finally leave my boring cottage. I’m sure you are looking forward to that.”

Seokjin turns his head to look at your face. He gives you a smile, which neither looks happy nor fake. It almost looks disappointed, as if he doesn’t want to think about the future you told him about.

“I, uhm”, you say, pulling your hand away, “oh look! The candle burned down. Now we have to fill it up quickly.”

Seokjin helps you. He pours and you hold the bottles. He also sneaks a glance or two at your face, which you retorted each time. You were so close. You were aware that it was only because you and him needed to work right now, but still, you were close and somehow this made your heart flutter again.

You finish the medicine by sticking a sturdy cork into the small bottle neck. Seokjin mimics the gesture on his bottles, doing so with his brows furrowed in concentration.

He also helps you with storing them in your basket, watching with great interest as you tug them in with a red cloth.

“So, I have to deliver them to Yela and her family now. I should be back by nightfall.”

Seokjin watches you put your fur and hood on. He stands up, erasing the distance between you and him.

“Can I come with you?” he asks almost shyly.

“You want to come with me?” you sound surprised.

He nods his head, “I want to help.”

“Oh don’t worry, they are not heavy. I can manage.”

“I understand”, he murmurs, lowering his eyes sadly. He seems so disappointed to be left behind.

“But fresh air would do you good”, you tell him because you couldn’t stand the thought of having Seokjin sit in your cottage with a sad expression.

Seokjin smiles happily, “thank you, I will get ready right away.”

Ten minutes later you and he are outside. Seokjin watches you lock your cottage. You turn to him and give him a shy smile.

“Let’s go, it is quite the long walk and we should hurry.”

“Where do we have to go?” he asks.

“Just past the town. It will take about an hour by foot.”

“I see, I have never been in town.”

“You have not?” you gasp.

Seokjin shakes his head, looking sad.

“Oh by Frenya, you truly haven’t seen a lot of the world, have you?”

He shakes his head again.

“Well then, I will show you a new spot today. Trust me, you will like the town. It is not big, but it is very good. The people are very welcoming and friendly. And I especially love the market place.”

“Why? Is the market place special?”

“No, but it houses a very beautiful statue of a wolf and I enjoy looking at all its details whenever I’m at the market”, you explain and sneak a glance at him, “worry not, it will not bite your leg.”

Seokjin laughs, which you retort. He has such a nice laugh. It is the kind of laugh which makes one want to laugh as well.

You pull closer to Seokjin once you enter the tense conifer tree forest.

“You have to be careful in these forests”, you tell him in a hushed voice.

“Why? Is it dangerous?” Seokjin gasps, sounding nervous.

“No, but there are tree fairies all around us and they like to play tricks.”

“Tricks?”

You nod your head, “they grow roots in front of people’s feet to trip them. Some even let pinecones drop on people’s heads. The whole forest laughs then if that happens.”

“I see. That sounds dangerous”, Seokjin says, eyes flitting to the ground in case magical roots appeared in front of his feet.

“They aren’t dangerous, don’t worry. They keep this forest alive and healthy and their tricks are harmless except for maybe a bruised knee and embarrassment in your chest.”

“I see”, Seokjin says, lifting his head to gaze at the canopy of prickly branches far above your heads, “do you know if there are tree fairies in the Black Forest?”

“There were once, but these days not anymore. They either died, got killed or fled to other forests. That is why the forest is so dark and why so many curses took root in it. There are no fairies left to heal and protect it.”

“Is this a natural thing to happen?”

“No. Tree fairies don’t abandon their trees, unless there is a reason for it. And in the case of the Black Forest, the reason came in the form of Rafkan. I didn’t witness the downfall of the forest as it happened hundreds of years ago, but the story of it is well known on this continent.”

“I heard that Rafkan is one of the Nïuri”, Seokjin says, “he always pretended to be mortal like the rest of us, but I never saw him eat or sleep, let alone age.”

“You saw right. Nïuri are a peaceful people, but not him. They use their immortality to nurture the earth, but he is nothing but a curse to every inch of earth he sets his evil feet on.”

“To imagine that the Black Forest was healthy once and that this awful person hurt it for hundreds of years”, Seokjin whispers and lets out a sad sigh, “I feel so much anger for him. I want to bring him so much harm.”

“I understand how you feel. I think about hurting him on many nights.”

Seokjin looks at you, “the Queen told me that Rafkan was the one who killed my parents and till now, I didn’t believe Her. What if She was right? I have a feeling that She was right all along.”

You could hear the grief in his voice. The heartbreak a painful realisation brings. The betrayal and anger and pain which follow.

“I can’t tell you, but I hope for your heart that She was wrong. Nobody should have to live with the murderer of their parents.”

Seokjin furrows his brows, “I want to hurt him”, he confesses with a trembling voice, “I want to hurt him until he begs me to stop.”

“I know, oh I know how you feel”, you say softly, stepping closer to hold his hands.

You stop. Droplets of melting snow rain down on your heads from the branches high above. Seokjin’s quick breathing creates white clouds in the air. His fingers are cold, closing around your fingers almost desperately.

“But Seokjin, seeking revenge on him won’t heal the wounds he left.”

“No, but at least it will stop them from opening up over and over again.”

“I understand you, I truly do. I lost my beloved aunt to Rafkan and if this cursed person were to ever appear in front of me, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to kill him. But seeking for it?” you pull him closer, tighten your grip on his hands, let your eyes get lost in his’, “seeking for it will give you more grief than relief. Please believe me. Believe me when I tell you that healing far, far away from him will feel better in the long run than seeking him one last time.”

“Are you scared that I might become the man I was in the past? Is that why you are telling me all of this?”

“No, I know you. You were never meant to be a Raven and you will never fall back into your old habits again���, you assure him with a fond smile on your lips, “and that is why I don’t want you to go back to that place. Distance keeps the memories at bay, while propinquity burns new holes into your heart.”

Seokjin breaks eye contact after a second, lowering his head with an exhausted sigh.

“It hurts”, he confesses in a whisper, “I was four years of age when Rafkan rescued me after masked bandits slit my parents’ throats a-and to imagine that I called their murderer my father for so many years unbeknownst to his true nature, hurts me so much that I can barely breathe.”

“It hurts me too. Rafkan deserves to be ripped apart by Morguls for what he did to you and so many other poor boys. If there is anything I can do to lessen the pain, I will do it.”

“Just…” Seokjin hesitates, lifts his eyes, hesitates. He takes a cautious step closer, “can I be held? For just a second.”

“Yes”, you whisper, closing your arms around him to pull him into a tight and soothing hug.

Seokjin drapes his arms around your waist instantly and rests his cheek on your shoulder. Despite his stature, he feels fragile in your arms. You find no peculiarity in that, knowing very well why he felt as small as he did. Coming to terms with your hurtful past leaves one broken and weak. You hope that this measly hug is enough to heal even a little part of him.

He shudders in an exhale.

“Is this how hugs feel?” he whispers.

“Have you never been hugged before?”

He shakes his head, “it feels so…healing.”

You smile. It was of both sad and happy nature. Sad because someone as gentle as Seokjin should have never lived so long without being hugged. And happy because he finally found healing through it.

“Thank you”, he breathes and you answer him by patting his upper back slowly.

He steps back soon after, revealing his teary eyes to you. He hides them when he watches with how much worry your features fill.

“It’s the wind”, he lies, wiping the tears away, “it’s so cold.”

“It is acceptable to cry. Never apologise”, you assure him, taking a step back because otherwise you would have reached for his cheeks and kissed his tears away and you know that this wasn’t in your place to do.

“Hah”, he lets out, cheeks and ears gaining in sudden colour, “we should probably keep walking, shouldn’t we?” he asks, carrying embarrassment in his voice.

“Yes, we should”, you say, feeling oh so flustered yourself.

You deliver the medicine to Yela and her parents. They thank you with a freshly baked honey cake. It smelled of cinnamon and cloves and had a yellow colour to it, almost as if turmeric had tainted it. 

You leave for the village afterwards, now that you had time to truly show Seokjin around. His pretty eyes seemed to light up more and more the closer to the village you came. You prefer that view over the sad betrayal he carried in the forest just hours prior.

“Here it is. My favourite statue”, you tell him, stopping in front of the statue of the wolf, “isn’t it beautiful?”

It was made out of dark bronze, except for its left paw. The touch of countless people turned it golden.

Seokjin studies it, “yes it is. The teeth look so real.”

“Yes, indeed. And look”, you say, touching its golden paw, “it is said that if you rub the wolf’s paw thrice all your wishes will come true.”

Seokjin reaches out and rubs the paw of the wolf. He squeezes his eyes shut and whispers something you can’t make out. Then he opens his eyes.

“What did you wish for?”

“I can’t tell you, otherwise it won’t come true”, he says, making you smile fondly.

“Very well then, keep your secrets. Come, I’ll show you to the marketplace.”

Seokjin follows, looking left and right with great interest. His eyes are sparkling greatly. He seems so content.

“Do you know why wolves carry such great importance in the Night Queendom?” you ask him.

“Is it because we have so many wolves living here?”

“Not quite.”

“Well, what is it then?”

“Did you know that Woltron and his pack are actually old gods?”

Seokjin looks at you with widened eyes.

“No, I didn’t. Is this really true?”

“Indeed it is”, you nod your head, “and that is why we cherish wolves so greatly, because Woltron and his pack watch over us and our lands.”

“I see. You know so much.”

“Yes, my mother told me a lot about our history”, you nudge his arm, “I can tell you everything you want to know. You just have to ask.”

“Really?”

“Yes of course.”

“Well then I want to know. Are the Nourishing Fields really endless?”

“Well, in the literal sense they aren’t, but they are so big and so wide that they seem endless.”

“I see”, Seokjin says and blushes, “I want to see the Nourishing Fields.”

“You can, I promise you.”

“Really?”

“Of course, once the months are warmer again and the days longer, you can go wherever you want”, you give him a smile, “you can finally see the world.”

You expected him to be happy, to retort your smile and show excitement in his eyes, but for some unexplainable reason he seems sad. 

“Yes, I guess I can see the world”, he murmurs and sighs. 

“What’s the matter?” you ask him, “do you not want to see the world?” 

“I do, but I just…” he trails off, looks to the side as if he was flustered, “it doesn’t really matter. I’m just scared, I guess.”

“Scared”, you repeat, “I see. It must be scary to wander the world, but I am sure that once you took those first few steps you will find great enjoyment in it. Worry not Seokjin”, you place your hand on his upper arm, feeling how his muscles tense, “you will love it.”

“Will I?” he asks, turning back to you. You don’t miss the way his eyes seem to linger on your lips for just a second or the way his fingers reach for your hand when you retreat your touch. 

“Of course”, your voice felt hoarse as you spoke and for just one second you felt this unbearable urge to reach back and touch his hand. You let out a nervous laugh, touching the side of your neck for your pulse felt terribly hasty in your throat, “well, uhm”, you begin and clear your throat, “we are here. This is the marketplace.”

Seokjin lets his eyes wander over the spacious plaza. The stalls are empty, standing in darkness whilst casting the blackest of shadows on the paving. Dogs are circling the stall in which butchers sell their merchandise. They must smell the meat, looking for it without the knowledge that their search will be unsuccessful.

On the only lantern a big owl is sitting, staring down at the two of you with big, unmoving eyes and every now and then,  its eerie call cuts through the silence of the night.

“It’s very…empty”, Seokjin says, making you chuckle quietly. 

“Yes indeed. We picked out a terrible time. Come tomorrow morning and this place is bustling with life. Right there”, you point at one of the abandoned stalls, “is where the best cake maker in town sells her goods. Oh Seokjin, the cakes she sells are magical.”

“I ate cake in the Queen’s castle. It’s really sweet.”

“Indeed and it’s so delicious, wouldn’t you say?” 

Seokjin nods his head, “I liked it a lot. I want to learn how to make cake.”

“I can teach you, if you want to.”

Seokjin looks at you with sparkling eyes, “you would do that for me?” 

“Of course I would”, you give him a smile and this time around Seokjin retorts it. 

Your eyes flit to it. Lingering. His lips look so pretty when he smiles. Even now in the bad lighting you find great beauty in them.

“What is it?” Seokjin asks you, stopping his smile for your intense gaze is flustering him.

“Oh dear”, you murmur, turning away with a fluttering heart, “I don’t know. I think, I must be tired. I keep zoning out on…” you falter in embarrassment. You don’t want to expose yourself, “…on different spots”, you lie.

“Ah, I see. Well, then. Do you want to walk home?”

“Home”, you repeat, finding yourself looking at his lips again, “yes, we could do that, couldn’t we?”  

You prepare warm tea for the both of you once home. The nights may be warmer again, but walking in its wet coldness for hours still managed to freeze your limbs. You have both done your nightly washing-up and changed into thick sleeping clothes. You laid out a pair of woollen socks, which you made during calmer moments, for both you and Seokjin as well.

“There you go”, you say, handing Seokjin his cup of elderflower tea, “this will warm you.”

“Thank you”, Seokjin says.

You sit down on the fur next to him, joining him in his relaxing task of watching the flames in the fireplace dance.

“Today was quite the productive day”, you say.

“Yes, we managed to do a lot of tasks”, he agrees.

“Indeed. Oh Seokjin”, you relax with a sigh, “I will miss you dearly once you are gone. You are truly of such great help.”

Seokjin looks at you with rosy cheeks. He fumbles with the edge of his cup, feeling warm in his chest right where his heart flutters.

“And you are a diligent student”, you sneak a glance at him, “you would make a fine healer.”

Seokjin lowers his gaze, touching his burning ear, “you think so?” he whispers.

“Yes, I truly do”, you whisper, gazing at his features. Oh why must he be so beautiful? If only you didn’t like his face so much, if only you didn’t find so much beauty in his soul, maybe then you wouldn’t ache so much each time you thought of him leaving one day.

You turn away, aching too much to bear his beauty any longer. The flames dance calmly, swaying left and right. You take a sip of your tea. It tastes good and fills your stomach with warmth.

"I have something for you", you tell him.

"For me?" 

You stand up to get it from your shelf, returning to him with a racing heart. Seokjin helps you sit down by holding your hand, eyes flitting to the piece of paper you are holding.

You place said paper on his lap, "open it."

Seokjin does so without hesitation, widening his eyes in shock. 

"Is this", he gasps, looking at you. 

"A potion to remove tattoos, yes. I found it at the market yesterday and I wanted to surprise you", you say, giggling excitedly. 

"You actually meant it", he whispers, clutching it to his chest with teary eyes.

"Of course I did."

Seokjin smiles, "thank you. I don’t know what to say." 

"Don't say anything. I'm just happy that I can help you heal from your past."

Seokjin nods his head and seeks you out by resting his head on your shoulder. He exhales deeply, eyes falling closed and fingers coming to play with the hem of your tunic. Mindlessly and innocently, but you feel weak nonetheless.

"Thank you", he whispers.

"Mhm", you let out, patting his thigh twice before pulling back again.

Why does he have to leave? Why him? Why?

“Where will you go once the months are warmer again?” you ask him even if asking that question hurts you. You don’t want him to leave, but it would be selfish of you to hold him back. He should experience freedom. That is what he deserves.

For a second he is silent, looking into the flames.

“I don’t know” he says quietly.

“I can advise you visit the Nourishing Fields first. Oh, they have the most beautiful colour during summer.”

“Are they far from here?”

“Just a five days walk perhaps. That is if you would spend each passing hour of those days walking”, you say and laugh quietly.

Seokjin can’t quite bring himself to laugh as well. The thought of wandering so far from you makes his heart ache.

“So I would say that you could reach them in about a week if the roads are good.”

“Have you ever been to the Nourishing Fields?”

“Yes, many times actually. My cousin lives close to them and I like to visit him when it is warm.”

You take a sip of your tea. It has cooled down just enough to make it bearable to drink.

“I truly enjoy this tea, it tastes so good.”

Seokjin takes a sip as well.

“Yes, it is very good.”

“Indeed” you say and nudge his head with your chin.

Seokjin lifts his head. You are giggling at him. 

Seokjin wants to giggle too, he wants to smile at you just like you do, he wants his eyes to sparkle the way yours do and yet in this moment as the taste of elderflowers was lingering on his tongue and his temple felt your lingering warmth, he couldn’t. He ached so terribly. The snow has begun to melt and if the nights continue to be as mild as they were lately, then soon the earth will thaw as well. And that means that the warmer months have finally come back and Seokjin has to leave your cottage to explore the world.

“I don’t want to see the world”, he blurts out.

“What?” you stop laughing, studying his features with confusion in your eyes.

“I don’t want to see the world.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t want to see the world if, if that means that I have to leave. I don’t want to run on the Nourishing Fields or climb the Snowy Mountains or, or swim in foreign lakes if that means that I can’t see you anymore.”

“Seokjin, what are you saying?”

“You are asking me where I want to go first once the months are warmer again, but truth be told, the thought of going anywhere without you hurts me so terribly much that I want to wail”, he confesses with glassy eyes.

“Oh…”

“Perhaps I want to go to the town first”, he says and lets out a breathy laugh, “yes, that is the place I want to go. I want to go to the town in the greyness of dawn when you are still sleeping and I want to go there to buy the biggest piece of cake for you and then I will carry it home and I will be careful not to meet any tree fairies. And once home, I will feed Kukuruz and check on you and I will see that you are still sleeping. So I will prepare the cake and I will put a flower on the plate with it and perhaps I will sprinkle some sugar on it too because it is a special occasion and then I will bring it to you and wake you by, by”, he inhales shakily, “by kissing your forehead and I will watch how you smile at me and how you eat the cake deliciously and I will be happy.”

He rubs at his eyes, wiping his tears away.

“So that is where I will go once the months are warmer. I will go to the town to buy you a cake.”

You sniffle.

“That is a good place”, you whisper, intertwining your fingers with his’.

“So please don’t make me leave. Please let me stay by your side.”

You nod your head, fighting with your tears. You guide his hand to your lips, kissing his knuckles with all the love you have for him. You rest your cheek against them afterwards, allowing your warm tears to roll down his skin.

“I didn’t want you to leave either, but I didn’t want to tell you because seeing the world was your dream”, you confess.

“I can already see the world when I look into your eyes.”

You open your eyes, meeting the world in his eyes.

“I can see it too”, you whisper, “it’s beautiful.”

Seokjin smiles with his cheeks blushing. He squeezes your hand. You squeeze it right back, lifting your head to get closer to him. Your noses are almost touching, your lips are so close, your vision is just slightly blurry.

“Can I kiss you?” you ask him in a barely there whisper.

He closes his eyes, “please kiss me.”

“Oh Seokjin”, you sigh, cupping his cheek.

Seokjin closes his eyes with a sigh, meeting you halfway with yet another sigh rolling over his tongue.

You feel how easy life becomes once you kiss him. The air is lighter around you and filled with magic. Your cabin, once dark, is sparkling in the colours of the universe. Your skin prickles and in your tummy millions of butterflies flutter. This is the best feel you ever experienced.

You sigh and cup his other cheek, pulling him closer. Seokjin allows you, touching your upper arms with shaky fingers. His heart is racing so much that he fears that you might hear it. He has never kissed before, but he is glad that he didn’t. For having your lips be the first lips he ever kisses feels like wondrous magic to him.

A magic which soon robs him of air. He breaks the magic, only to realise that it still remains as flutters of his heart and tingles in his stomach.

You stay close, running your thumbs over his soft cheeks and poking his nose with your own. You feel so lightheaded. Kissing him felt like paradise.

“This felt magical”, he whispers, sighing when you brush your thumb over his cheekbone.

“Yes, it did. Oh Seokjin, I had wanted to kiss you for so long.”

“You, you did?” he stutters, blushing.

You move your head back just so you could gaze at his perfect features.

“Yes”, you whisper, tracing his pretty lips, “you have the most beautiful smile and your face”, you run your fingertips along his cheeks up to his forehead and down the slope of his nose.

Seokjin feels shivers run down his spine at the touch, having his eyes closed.

“Oh your face”, you whisper, “I don’t want to stop looking at it.”

You kiss him, surprising him so much that his stomach tightens and his heart skips a beat in his chest. He sighs shakily, allowing you to tilt his head so you could reach him easier. You kiss so much better than he ever could, you know so much more, he thinks. He believes that if he allows you to guide him, then he won’t be able to disappoint. He really doesn’t want to disappoint. Not you. You are so wise, so full of knowledge, so skilled and if he disappointed you with his kisses, he would never forgive himself.

So he lets you hold his face while he rests his hands on your waist. He lets you trace his lips with your tongue while he whimpers softly. He lets you lay him down on the fur, whilst gasping your name.

Your elbows are caging in his head, your hands smooth over his hair. Your chest is resting against his torso in this position and Seokjin can feel how quickly your heart is racing. So you feel just as excited as he does. Oh, he feels so reassured in his feelings because of it.

You break the kiss, tracing his lips with your tongue. They feel so tender, almost sensitive even. Oh, how long have you kissed him already? You can’t remember.

“Your lips are so soft”, you whisper, chasing them in a slow kiss. 

Seokjin keens quietly, hands reaching up to cup your cheeks. His palms feel clammy against your skin.

Giggling, you break the kiss just so you could gaze at him.

Your eyes soften upon meeting his glimmering gaze. You tilt your head to the side and caress his soft cheeks, “you look so beautiful.”

His plumb lips wear the deepest of pinks, his cheeks match, as do his ears. His raven hair is just slightly tousled in the front, hanging into his brows. He is breathing quickly, gazing up at you with his dark brown, pretty eyes.

“You look beautiful too”, he answers you in a small voice.

"I want to keep kissing you."

"Please do. I want it to too." 

"Oh Seokjin, my dearest", you sigh and lean down.

Seokjin gasps loudly when instead of kissing his lips, you lean down to kiss his neck. 

“O-oh”, he gets out, lifting his shoulders in instinct for the sensation was foreign to him. 

You flinch back instantly.

“Forgive me. I, I should have asked", you stutter.

Your eyes meet. 

"No", he shakes his head vigorously, "it felt really good. It surprised me, that is all", he whispers.

“Yes? So I can do it again?” you ask him, "please?"

Seokjin blushes vividly, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m scared”, he confesses.

“Scared? Sacred of what?”

“Of, of…of disappointing you.”

“Disappointing me? Oh Seokjin, why would you disappoint me?”

“Because I am a-”, he exhales shakily, “I have no knowledge of being intimate. And, and you know so much. You are so skilled and, and probably had men better than me and I don’t want to disappoint.”

“Seokjin, my dearest”, you say, soothing him by caressing his cheeks, “the fact that those men aren’t by my side anymore means that in the end, they couldn’t truly satisfy me. You aren’t worse than them, on the contrary, I have never felt so bewitched by anyone before you.”

“Really?”

“Yes”, you promise him, “so worry not. You are my diligent student after all, I am certain you will be a natural in intimacy as well.”

“I’m your student?” he gasps, ears turning the deepest reds instantly.

You giggle. Seokjin giggles too.

“Of course you are. You are my very good student”, you say, dancing your fingers over his collarbones.

Seokjin lets out a small moan, widening his eyes as he squirms underneath you. He seems to really like it when you praise him. Oh, that makes you so happy. You want to keep praising him just so you can make him look at you in that adorable fashion he does right now.  

"Perhaps you are even my best student", you say, basking in the joy you feel when he squirms a second time. 

“___”, he gets out, lips parting and staying that way. He hooks his fingers behind your neck, rolling his head to the side just enough to reveal his flushed neck to your eyes.

"My best student", you whisper and lean down to place a subtle kiss on his neck.

This time, Seokjin reacts in a sigh, head rolling to the side completely and eyes falling closed. His fingers slip from your neck, tangling in the fur in a shy and desperate grip.

Your own close around a bundle of his hair, mind falling into the droopiness of worshipping his vulnerable neck. His skin feels so soft under your lips. And hot. Oh so utterly hot. As if a fire was keeping it warm. You feel the sensation with three kisses and then a shy lick follows. 

Seokjin makes a soft sound, touching your hips only to pull away again. Another twist of the fur. Shy avoidance of what he truly craves.

“Don't pull away. You are allowed to touch me”, you encourage him with a whisper against his jawline. 

“But where?”

“Where do you want to touch me?” 

“Your torso.”

His answer makes you smile. You kiss along his pulse point, tickling him with gentle bites. 

“Then my torso it is. Touch me, my diligent student”, you rasp, making him shiver.

His hands grasp your hips, squeezing them with a certain strength. It is the kind of strength that lets you know just how incredibly affected he is by the situation. And that perhaps he had craved to touch you for the longest time. 

“That's it, your touch feels wonderful”, you praise him, moving his head by tugging on his hair most gently. 

He rolls it to the other side, exposing his unkissed neck to your eyes. His skin is tinted pink, looking beautiful like this. 

“You are so beautiful”, you breathe, kissing him with a racing heart. 

“Ah”, Seokjin lets out, running his hands up along your sides, “oh”, he sighs and shivers. He never even thought about how sensitive his neck is. He wonders if he is different and if such sensitivity is normal. He also wonders if he is allowed to shiver oh so incredibly much or if he is acting inappropriately. 

You take his earlobe between your teeth then and Seokjin swears that never before, his thoughts turned off as quickly as they did right now. 

His fingers stutter, coming to an involuntary pause right underneath your armpits. The bite just feels so good. Seokjin has to sigh and then call your name. 

“Is this enjoyable?” you ask him in the sweetest voice.

“I, I think something is wrong with me.”

“Truly?” you lift your head, eyes running over his features, “what is the matter? Where does it hurt?”

He shakes his head, “no, it is just that…that my neck.”

“What about your neck?”

“When you kiss me, I feel sensations down my back. Like shivers and, and they are in my fingertips as well and between”, he lowers his eyes, “I think it affects my, ahm, my cock as well.” 

"Oh dear", you can’t stop yourself from breaking into the fondest of chuckles, "my dearest Seokjin, there is nothing wrong with you. On the contrary, everything is perfectly fine." 

"But why does it feel so hot? A-as if fire fairies are close." 

"You are fine", you assure him, smoothing out his hair, "oh Seokjin, this is supposed to happen. Your cock is supposed to harden." 

Seokjin widens his eyes, mouth falling open. 

"Oh."

You giggle, poking the tip of his nose with your fingertip. He looks oh so endearing.

"Do you want to kiss my neck as well? I react differently than you do."

"You do?" 

You nod your head.

"So your core doesn’t harden? Like I do?" 

You chuckle, "how about you kiss my neck and I'll show you?" 

"Yes", Seokjin nods his head passionately, "I want to."

"Great", you say, lying down in the fur beside him. 

Seokjin props himself up on his elbows, looking down at you with big eyes. Like an innocent deer caught eating one of your plants. You love this view so very much.

You roll your head to the side and tug the collar of your tunic down, exposing your neck that way. 

"Kiss it. Kiss me, dear Seokjin", you sigh.

Seokjin exhales shakily, doing so to still the racing of his heart. Not that this helps. On the contrary, it only worsens it. He is so nervous and scared to disappoint. 

He lowers his head, holding his breath for the next part. 

His lips make the softest of sounds as he places his first kiss upon your skin. He pulls back afterwards. 

"Is that right?" he asks shyly.

"Yes, it feels so good", you assure him, "do it again. More. Much more."

Seokjin feels happy. He did well! Without wasting another second, he lowers his lips back to your neck. Your skin is soft, your pulse is tickling him, your throat produces the smallest of moans.

Seokjin closes his eyes and dares to weave his fingers in your hair as best as possible. He doesn’t tug like you did, he merely wants to hold a part of you as he kisses your neck. 

“This is so good”, you sigh, feeling yourself shiver uncontrollably. 

You had lovers in your past. Not many, but just enough to figure out what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. Most were mediocre, many were terrible and only a few were good. And you didn’t care enough about them to want them to stay. They were nice to have for the time being, but didn’t leave a hole of yearning once they left again. Most kissed your neck as well and the very few who refused to, were thrown out the moment they did. But they were all different. You realise this much now that Seokjin is kissing your neck. 

They didn’t leave you feeling oh so breathless from mere neck kisses. They didn’t leave you craving for more of their touch. But Seokjin does. Oh, how he does. 

You grab his hand and place it atop your breast.

"Oh?" Seokjin lifts his head, gawking at you with widened eyes. 

"Massage it softly. It feels so good", you tell him.

Seokjin gives your breast a soft squeeze, watching with heat between his legs as this makes you arch your back. 

"Just like that. Keep doing it just like that", you sigh, "oh Seokjin, dearest", you moan and overcome by your emotions you pull him down into a passionate kiss. 

Seokjin whimpers, kissing you back sloppily at first before he finds his rhythm. His hand continues massaging your breast, becoming more and more confident the deeper you kiss him. 

Your tunic is thin enough to allow his unfiltered warmth to reach your skin. His touch is so gentle and yet filled with such passion. For someone who never held a woman's breasts before tonight, Seokjin knows exactly how to bewitch you. 

"Seokjin", you break the kiss to moan his name, "Seokjin, I want more. Much more." 

"What do you want?" he asks breathily. 

"I want to have you. Bared."

"Oh." 

Seokjin gulps. 

"Do you want the same? You are allowed to deny me." 

Seokjin lets out a small laugh, lowering his head giddily.

"I never did such a thing before", he whispers, "but I want to do it with you", he says, lifting his head to gaze at you with sparkling eyes, "I really want to do it." 

He makes you smile. 

"Just one question. I have one question."

"Ask me, my dearest." 

"Will it hurt?"

"No, it will feel magical."

"Even more magical than a kiss?" 

"Yes", you smile, "even more than that." 

"I, I see", Seokjin blushes vividly, "oh by Frenya, this is making me fluster." 

You giggle, "you are so precious", you gush, rubbing your hands up and down his chest, "so shall we take our bottoms off?" 

Seokjin nods his head, "yes, I would like that." 

And so you begin undressing.

"It's not like I haven’t seen you naked before, is it?" you joke, painting even more pink onto his cheeks.

He giggles shyly, lowering his eyes. 

"Yes, I guess you have", he whispers, "but it’s different tonight, isn’t it?" 

"Yes, it’s exciting", you say, placing your pants to the side. 

You are on your knees. Seokjin is mirroring your position. His tunic is reaching him by his thighs, hiding his now exposed cock from your eyes. The dent is still visible however, drawing your eyes to it. 

"You ahm", Seokjin begins. 

You draw closer to him, "you look beautiful", you say, touching his chest.

"You too", he says, eyes lingering on your middle. Your tunic hides it from him as well. 

"Do you want to see?" 

"Can I really see it?" he is almost gasping the question. 

In one swift movement you have taken off your tunic, throwing it behind you mindlessly. 

"Oh, ahm, oh?" Seokjin lets out, eyes widened and racing all over your newly exposed body. 

You pose for him, enjoying his undivided attention to the fullest. 

"What do you think?" 

"This, this…this is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Are you real?" he gushes, reaching out only to halt. His eyes flit up. "Can I touch?" 

"Yes my dearest."

Seokjin exhales shakily, placing his hands on your waist while his eyes race over your chest. 

"You feel so soft and warm. And, and your breasts are so…." he cradles them in his hands, "...beautiful", he whispers shakily. His eyes fill with the slightest of tears, "I missed out on so much", he croaks. 

"Don't be upset. You have all the time in the world to catch up with all the things you missed out on", you assure him. 

He smiles, dancing his thumbs over your nipples gently, "yes, I guess I have", his smile grows, "I am genuinely happy", he confesses and draws closer just to pull you into an adoring kiss. 

You feel your knees wobble because of it, not having expected him to take initiative. You love that he did, losing yourself in the passionate dance of lips and eager tongues while your hands travel over his torso. 

It happens that Seokjin loses his tunic at some point of this kiss, discarding it somewhere behind him. Your bodies chased each other instantly, your lips fell back into the dance. Seokjin kissed you even deeper after feeling your naked skin against his own. 

Now you are both groping each other, hands on the other’s hips in a desperate battle of who gets to pull the other closer. His cock is rubbing between your stomachs, leaving wet imprints behind. Your own middle is wet, dripping down your inner thigh. 

"I can't breathe", he whispers between tongue kisses.

"Neither can I", you answer him, "give me your hand." 

Seokjin moves his head back to look at you in curiosity. He places his hand into your palm, tilting his head to the side. 

"Do you want to feel how you affect me?" 

"Yes please." 

You guide his hand between your legs, making sure that two of his fingers part your soaked folds.

"You are wet", he gasps, widening his eyes.

"I know", you sigh, guiding his touch up to your clit. You show him how you enjoy it with your chest heaving up and down in a deep, shaky gasp, "that feels so good…"

"It does?" he gets out before he moves his fingers on his own, "like this? Is this how you did it?" 

"Yes", you sigh, "just a little to the left." 

Seokjin fixes his position, moaning with you as this makes you shudder in reaction. 

"Right there", you sigh, tilting your head back, "oh Seokjin…" 

"I can't believe that you are real", he whispers and overtaken by his emotions he chases you, lips claiming the emptiness of your neck and fingers exploring your wet cunt. He kisses you sloppily, moaning blissfully while his fingers rub circles into your clit. 

"Yes, yes, oh yes", you chant, feeling your entire body sink into the hottest flames of pleasure. 

It is not long and you tell Seokjin to bury two of his fingers deep inside your dripping hole. And Seokjin obeys, cursing under his breath because he expected everything but not for your core to be as warm and wet as she was. With your instructions, he begins moving his fingers while his thumb rubs your clit.

"You are so wet", he croaks, curling his fingers, "I can't believe you are real." 

"It feels so good", you sigh, rewarding his perfect efforts by wrapping your hand around his aching length. You begin moving, forcing Seokjin’s touch to falter in pure shock. 

"What- ah- what", he stutters, hand wrapping around your wrist and hips moving back in a desperate attempt to flee the unbearable burning of bliss. 

"Relax. I can make you feel good too", you encourage him, smiling at him even if his fingers between your legs make it hard to function.

"This, this is so much", he keens, writhing in your hold.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"I, I don’t know yet."

"Then how about I do this?"

You move your hand up and down his length slowly, making him squeeze his eyes shut and whimper.

"How is that?" you ask him.

"Don't stop, please", he begs with his voice slightly pitched. 

"I won’t", you promise him, running your hand up and down his length, "you are so beautiful. Such a good boy", you whisper, feeling his cock throb in reaction. 

"Oh god", he keens, dropping his head in exhaustion, "oh god, oh god."

"I know, it feels like a lot doesn’t it?" you ask in a soothing voice, massaging his sensitive tip. It fits perfectly into your palm, wetting your skin with his excited pleasure.

Seokjin nods his head, chasing you with a roll of his hips. You hold him back with a gentle grip of his waist, caressing his skin as your fingers dance down his length again. You cup his balls, massaging them slowly.

"Very heavy", you tease lovingly, "you must have so much pressure built up over the years, mhm?" 

Seokjin nods his head, letting out a breathy moan. 

"Of course you do. That’s what I'm here for now, I’ll take such great care of you", you rasp, taking his cock again to jerk it slowly yet precisely. 

"Please don’t stop, ah", he begs in a high-pitched moan.

"I won’t, my dearest. Keep moving your fingers. Can you do that for me?"

Seokjin obeys with a shaky moan and his lips parting in bliss. It is so hard to concentrate on pleasuring you, but he wants to do it. He wants to make you feel as good as you currently make him feel.

"A little to the right", you say.

Seokjin fixes his mistake, throbbing in your hand when you reward him with massages on his frenulum.

"There we go. You are such a diligent student. Such a good, wonderful boy", you praise, basking in the blissful shudder your sweet words send through his body. 

You fall into a kiss just seconds later. It is more breathy moans and weak kisses than anything, but it is perfect the way it is. Weak lips, uncoordinated licks, more moans than kisses. All of it is an image of how you both feel. Too overtaken by pleasure to truly function and yet desperate for the other’s kiss. You can’t remember if you ever truly felt that desperate for a man's kiss. Maybe you never did. Seokjin feels so very right, oh so right. 

"Keep going, just like this", you encourage him, feeling yourself shudder in bliss when he begins rubbing circles into your clit. His thumb is so soft, the pressure is just right. Maybe that tiny bit too strong, resulting in you dancing on the edge of overstimulation, but it feels so good to dance. It makes your highs feel that much more rewarding whenever you do.

"It's so hard to concentrate", Seokjin whimpers.

"I know, but keep going. You are doing such a great job", you whisper with unoccupied hand hooked behind his neck to keep his forehead resting against yours. 

“___”, he moans, “___ it feels so good”, he keens, closing his eyes by letting them roll back.

“Yes, it really does”, you agree, closing your own eyes as a soft sigh slips past your parted lips.

To be so close to each other. It feels like a dream now that you are finally experiencing it. You may have found yourself daydreaming about  how it would be to kiss him and touch him and make him feel good. Not much, because you feared that he might catch you in your crude thoughts, but whenever you did, you felt dizzy in desperation.

“Oh how I wanted this, Seokjin”, you sigh mindlessly.

“What do you mean?” he croaks, twitching in your hand. 

“You are a dream”, you whispers, “my sweetest dream.”

Seokjin whimpers your name and kisses you. You are his dream too. His sweetest, dearest dream. For the longest time, Seokjin didn’t know why he felt the way he does about you. He couldn’t explain the flutters of his hearts, the tingles in his stomach, the desire to keep glancing at you whenever you weren’t looking. He couldn’t explain what all of those sensations meant for he never experienced them before. But he knows now. He knows that this is what being in love felt like. He really liked that feeling, wanting it to never ever stop.

Seokjin curls his fingers inside you, gasping into the kiss when this makes you clench around him.

“You are so warm”, he whimpers, chasing your taste with desperate licks.

“Seokjin”, his name was muffled by the kiss, but it was still clear in his ears. He kisses you even deeper because of it and you shudder in intense bliss.

“You are so tight”, he whispers, breaking the kiss because you gasped for air.

“I know”, your voice is pitched and barely wants to come out, “don’t stop, stay just like this.”

“What is happening? Why are you so…ah, tight”, he asks, struggling with his words because your hand begins to speed up around his length. His thighs shake in reaction, hot tension begins building up in his stomach.

“Do you feel the tension in your belly?” you ask him, swirling your hand around his leaking tip. It feels so hot under your touch, covering you with so much wetness.

“Yes”, he whimpers, curling his fingers desperately just so you keep rubbing him that way.

“That means you will orgasm soon. I feel the same.”

“Will it hurt?”

“No, it will feel like paradise”, you say and sigh, “Seokjin, I’m close”, you croak, pulling him back into the kiss. 

Seokjin moans, thrusting into your fist because he felt like bursting. He wondered if something was wrong with him. Each time you rolled your thumb over his tip, his cock felt on fire and then when you stroked your hand down his shaft that fire spread to the rest of his body. Seokjin never felt that incredible before. It feels so good. It feels so, so good. 

“Seokjin”, you whimper, body tensing and walls clenching around his fingers, “now.”

It starts off on your clit, spreading through the rest of your middle before the fire deep inside causes a chain of reactions. You moan loudly, pulling him close as your body begins chasing him in desperate rolls of your hips.

Seokjin sobs softly, “I can't hold back”, he confesses and then he swears that something unnatural happens to his body. His cock feels as if it goes up in flames, wet and hot liquid spurts out of him and the most peculiar part is that he doesn’t want it to stop. He wants it to continue.

Seokjin moans your name, sobs it again a second later, thrusts his hips into your hand, shakes uncontrollably.

“That's it, climax for me, that’s it”, you encourage him in deep growls, fingers almost bruising the back of his neck from how tightly you hold him as your own high prolongs because of his climax. It excites you just way too much. He looks so perfect when he finds release.

“O-oh god”, Seokjin gets out, falling around your neck once his orgasm stopped. He hugs you, shivering uncontrollably while he barely gets any air into his lungs, “W-what happened?”

You smile softly, wrapping your arms around him safely.

“Didn't that feel wonderful?”

“I, I don’t know. Oh god, I can’t breathe.”

You chuckle fondly, “lean onto me, my dearest. I'm right here.” 

“Do you feel the same?”

“Yes, I feel so dizzy”, you say, closing your eyes to enjoy his warmth. You climaxed so wonderfully. Your whole body feels weak and so incredibly warm. 

Seokjin shudders, releasing a big sigh of relief and happiness. He grows soft in your hold, hands squeezing your sides as his arms close further around you. 

“This was so nice”, he whispers, “it scared me at first, but it was really nice.”

You smile, “trust me, you won’t feel scared soon. You'll probably grow quite addicted to the feeling.”

Seokjin nods his head, “I think so too. I already want it again.”

You laugh, moving back just enough that you could gaze at his face. Seokjin does the same, looking at you with droopy yet happy eyes.

“I see how it is”, you snicker, “oh Seokjin, I don’t think I'll ever let you go again”, you say. 

“Good. I don’t want you to”, he whispers, “I can stay with you, can't I?”

“Yes, it would make me the happiest if you did.”

Seokjin smiles and cups your face. 

“My world”, he sighs, giving you no time to answer him before he already has you lost in another kiss.

You spend most of the night exploring each other. And come the next morning, Seokjin wakes you up with his face between your legs and his cock pressing into the mattress. You spend the entire day in bed, showing him even more possibilities of pleasure while Seokjin listens and learns like the diligent student he is.

[joonslfttiddie]

The Underclassman

💜Fic Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader

💜AU/Genre: College AU | Smut | Potential Relationship

💜Warnings: Smut, femdom, male sub, climax denial, unprotected sex, ejaculation, virgin's first time

💜Rating: MA

💜Word Count: 4781

Senior year of undergrad has had its challenges but you know it's downhill from here. Having gotten a jump on your assignments, you're pretty much skating through until graduation. Your only obligations are your teaching assistant tasks for Dr. Yun's psychology class, your job at the bookstore, and a few organizations on campus.

While things have been chill regarding course work, this year has also shown you who has your best interest at heart and who is just a waste of space in your life. Depending on how you look at things, fortunately or unfortunately, that meant that your ex-boyfriend was one of the people to exit your world. The two of you had been together since freshman year, and it has not been easy adjusting to the single life.

You haven't been on a date since, and just looking at other men still feels wrong. Your ex was always the jealous, controlling type who made it hard to breathe, as you walked on eggshells around him, which made you feel powerless.

"Honestly, I never liked your ex. It felt like all of your time was owed to him... like he owned you. You deserve so much better than him."

Your friend, René, opens up to you during a night of chilling at your apartment, sitting in a circle, cross legged in the middle of your living room floor. Your other friends, Michelle and Ticole, just shake their heads in agreement before taking a sip of their beers.

"I know, I know. You're right. I can see now how devoted I was to him. I was willing to give him everything I had. Of course, we now know he was giving his time, amongst other things, to someone else...but it's whatever."

Michelle chimes in, "It is whatever. This is our senior year. I just want you to take your time to find yourself again. Get out! Date! Enjoy your hoe phase. Plus, my boyfriend's mentee asks me about you every time I see him. That boy is in love."

"Girl, who? Seokjin?! I catch him eyeing me every other day in Dr. Yun's class but he has yet to say anything to me sooooo....."

"Don't do him like that...He is so sweet but so shy. He's one of those guys that's hot but doesn't know he's hot."

You all erupt into laughter and as the excitement subsides you agree.

"You're right, he is so cute but I never really looked at him like that. He has been such a sweetheart every time I've interacted with him but I dunno if he's my type, you know? Hell, he still refers to me as 'ma'am', like, I literally only have a couple of years on him, if that."

"He mentioned to Chance that he was not the best looking guy in high school. He was bullied because he was so skinny, had bad acne, braces, and glasses.. the usual "nerd" package. I, legit, don't think he realizes that puberty has come and gone. I wonder if he just doesn't have the confidence to approach you."

"Hmm... that would make sense. I hate that he went through all that. He seems so sweet despite being mistreated. I'll think about it, ok? But as far as 'enjoying my hoe phase' goes, guys fuck around all the time and no one bats an eye. I hate the double standard. I'm going to have the time of my life for the rest of the year. I deserve it, plus I've been horny as fuck, lately."

"Girl, go for it! I support this. Live your best life, friend. You've missed out on a lot being tied down like a married woman. Go get you some. And you never know, having that underclassman screaming 'yes, ma'am' may be just what you need!" Ticole says, co-signing with Michelle.

You all erupt into a fit of laughter at that and you take notice of the way your body feels from just imagining it. As heat burns up your spine and your pussy tingles, you swallow spit as you're basically salivating with excitement. Knowing what will make for some good material when you're alone later, you reply with a nervous chuckle, "Maybe, huh?"

Your girls were right! You're going to start putting yourself out there and try to be more open minded. After a restful night and having used mental images of Seokjin to gain a little post nut clarity, you begin to think that you may even explore people outside of your typical type. Internalizing all the encouragement your girls provided last night, you walk to Dr. Yun's class feeling like the baddest bitch on campus.

After taking attendance, you make a mental note that Seokjin isn't here yet. He never misses class but you shrug it off for the moment to continue your duties. You remind the students of upcoming assignments, schedule a few tutoring sessions, and answer any questions to the best of your knowledge until the professor arrives moments later. He hands you a stack of handouts and asks you to make copies since he hadn't gotten a chance to while the class takes a quiz. You grab your phone from the desk and slide it in the pocket of your cardigan before swiftly proceeding down the hall to the printer.

You turn the corner, finding yourself colliding with a student who is frantically rushing to class, landing you on your ass surrounded by the papers you were carrying, you quickly adjust your clothes as your skirt has flipped up, putting your lace undies on full display.

"Fuck! I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I woke up late and can't be late for class. I have a quiz today."

You recognize that voice immediately and look up to see Seokjin. He quickly tries to collect the paperwork as he chatters, taking a moment to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

'He couldn't have seen that, right?'

"Hey! No worries, Seokjin, I can get this. Go ahead... they're just about to begin."

After hearing his name cross your lips, he finally looks up to see your face. With a gasp, you notice his ears flush red before he responds.

"Miss y/n! I'm so sorry! Are you sure you're okay?" He pulls you up to your feet with one hand, allowing you to further adjust your clothing before handing you the papers he'd collected.

"Yes, I'm fine. Hurry up and go. Good luck!"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, thank you. I'm so sorry."

Seokjin smiles nervously before he rushes past you towards the classroom.

You make the copies and begin heading back to class, unable to stop replaying the incident with Seokjin. Has he always been so cute? So tall? Shoulders that broad? Biting your bottom lip, you recall the way his hair hung just above his eyes and his full pink lips slightly parted when he gasped from the shock of your accident. He looked so nerdy behind those glasses, but his brown eyes were breathtaking.

'Why am I just seeing him now... like really SEEING him?!'

You're thinking about all of this as you make the copies, sure that you hadn't noticed Seokjin's beauty for being so committed to you ex. You were blind for so long but now your eyes are wide open.

Back in the classroom, you quietly place the stack of papers on the desk, glancing up to see the student's working busily. Once you take your designated spot next to Dr. Yun's desk, you cross your legs and begin looking through the rows of seats until you spot him. Hunching over his desk and bouncing his foot restlessly, the poor guy looks so anxious. The sight leaves him looking so small and helpless, though he is definitely a deliciously full grown adult.

You glance away for a second but can't help the smirk that creeps across your face when you catch him suddenly still, sitting erect in his seat as his eyes trace your up legs all the way up to your thighs peeking from under your skirt. After making sure everyone else was focused on their work, you put your leg down and part your knees, now purposely exposing yourself to him. He licks his lips, then his eyes meet yours. Snapping your legs shut, you look down, covering your smile as you snicker to yourself. His nervous behavior commences as his gaze quickly snaps back down to his quiz, but not before you notice his face and ears turn a pretty shade of pink. What is this new feeling? You are not certain but you are 100% sure that you love it. You want more.

A couple of days have passed since literally running into Seokjin when you find yourself at work refolding the campus tees on one of the display tables, you glance at your watch to see it's almost time for you to clock out. It's been beautiful weather all day, despite what the weather channel said, but you can see the sky getting darker and you can hear thunder in the distance.

"It looks like the rain has finally made it," you warn your coworker. "Get home safely!"

Thankfully you check the weather every morning before leaving your campus apartment and was wise enough to bring your umbrella.

You grab your things from your locker in the employee lounge after clocking out. Once outside, you make it halfway across the yard to the fountain in the middle of the quad before you feel the first few sprinkles of rainfall. You stop to arm yourself with your umbrella before continuing your trek across campus as the bottom falls out of the sky. It is pouring now as you cross the street nearing your place, and you notice a familiar figure walking ahead of you.

He's soaking! He doesn't have an umbrella or even a jacket to keep him warm. You can tell that he's cold by the way he burrows into himself. The ripples of his back muscles are accentuated through his wet, white tee shirt as he hugs himself.

"SEOKJIN!"

He stops and turns towards you after hearing his name.

"Miss y/n? What are you doing out in this storm?"

You hold up the umbrella to cover you both.

"I'm just leaving work and on my way home. What are you doing out? And why don't you have a jacket on or an umbrella?"

He smiles shyly.

"Ummm...I didn't know it was going to rain today so I'm unprepared. I was going to the cafe to grab a bite before studying but it started to storm so I turned back."

"You poor thing. Why don't you come up to my place until the rain stops? I haven't eaten yet, either, so I can whip something up for us to eat."

"Uhhh...are you sure? I wouldn't want to intrude. Plus, I only live a ways down from here."

Linking your arm in his, you continue to shield you both from getting wet while pulling him alongside you.

"It's no intrusion, I promise. Since it's Friday, my roommate has gone to her boyfriend's place, so I could use the company."

You smile at each other as he takes the umbrella to hold above you and continue to chat as you make your way up the stairs leading to your door. When you step inside, you ask that he stay at the door where there's tile as he's still dripping wet.

"Just stay there for a second. You're soaked. I know there's a towel in here somewhere."

After a moment of searching through the hamper of fresh laundry you hadn't gotten a chance to put away before work, you finally find a towel and hand it to him after he's secured the umbrella strap and placed it in the corner.

"Thanks, Miss y/n. I really appreciate your kindness."

"Of course! We've known each other for years now. You're not exactly a stranger at this point, so it's no problem at all. While you're drying your hair, I'll go see if my roommate's boyfriend may have left some clothes here. You guys are about the same size. Go ahead and get out of those clothes before you catch a cold."

This wouldn't be the first time you've seen a man undress so you're not thinking much about what you just said and rush off to your roommates bedroom to find a large tee shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. You stay frozen for a second as the situation suddenly catches up to you. You and Seokjin are alone in your apartment and he's undressing in the other room. Ticole's words echo in your mind. 'Get you some!' Michelle's voice lingers closely behind. 'Enjoy your hoe phase!'

'Am I really thinking about this now?! Does he even think of me in THAT way? He seems so innocent, I don't want to be a bad influence or take advantage of him.

You continue to stand there, contemplating your next move. Sure, he is extra dorky at first glance, but when you really look at him, you see now that he is fine as fuck. He, also, doesn't talk to a lot of people so you know he's not sleeping around and he will be discreet about what happens. This could be a good thing, if he's willing, of course. You take a deep breath before you leave the room, only to walk out and see Seokjin wearing nothing but his jeans and sneakers. You gasp at the sight, hoping he didn't hear you. Sure, you knew he would be undressing but you didn't expect that body to be under those clothes. God definitely took his time sculpting him to perfection.

When he looks up to see you've returned, he shyly covers himself with the wet shirt and towel leaving his free hand grasping his spectacles across his chest. There's that feeling again...the one you experienced during class the other day. You clear your throat and walk over to him to give him the clothes, trying your best not to stare.

"M-miss y/n. I-"

"Oh... sorry! I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. Here are the clothes. I can step out for a second."

Reluctantly, he drops the shirt and towel to the floor by his side but his other hand holding on to his glasses remains across his chest as he reaches for the outfit.

Just above a whisper, he asks, "I've been meaning to talk to you. Are you ok? You know from the other day? I was hoping you weren't hurt and I wanted to apologize again. And no, I'm not uncomfortable, you know? I just...I."

"No, I'm completely fine, I promise. And it's no problem at all. I'll step out to give you some privacy."

"Miss y/n."

"Hmm?" You pause to look up to him, awaiting his response.

"You don't have to leave. I don't want you to leave, I just..."

The look on his face teeters on the cusp of pain and embarrassment.

"What's up? You look like there's something else you want to tell me."

"Miss y/n."

"Stop calling me that, though. I'm only a couple years older than you."

"Y-y/n?" He pauses for a moment to see if he's overstepped. When you continue to look into his chocolate colored pupils, he continues speaking. "I've never done this before."

"Done what?"

He leans over to place the clothes on the end table putting his glasses on top. He stands back to face you, taking your wrist in his hand. His eyes bounce from your eyes to your lips, then back. You can see he's nervous as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"What do you want to do, Sweet Boy? Do you want to kiss me?"

The nickname and the question causes his eyes to widen, the reddish hue of his ears and cheeks deepen.

"Y-yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, ma'am. I want to kiss you so bad."

"Good boy. Go ahead, kiss me."

He hesitates, standing straight and still, your small wrist still gripped in his hand. He's looking into your eyes as if searching to see if you're serious. After what feels like forever, he tilts his head to the side and leans in, only to pull back. Shifting his head in the opposite direction, he leans in again only to pull away. He continues this for a moment, unsure of how to approach you. This would usually be a huge turn off for you but with him it's different. His uncertainty and timidness seems to just stir you on.

"Kiss me."

Your sudden command startles him slightly and he quickly leans in, placing his mouth against yours, bumping your lip with his teeth. He pulls back quickly as if he were burned. Patiently, you take his hands, placing one on the small of your back and the other at your nape. Taking a step forward, your body now flush to his, you can hear his breath shuttering. His very prominent bulge presses against your stomach as you place one hand on his exposed chest and snake your arm around his neck.

"Don't rush. I'm not going anywhere. Take your time and try again."

Slowly this time, he moves in to softly press his lips to yours before he pulls away, the smooch audible. You gently pull him back, slowly beginning to move your mouth against his, licking and sucking at his lips. When your tongue brushes against his, he whimpers aloud, grasping your shirt into his fist. Pulling back, you look up to check in on him. The dorky Seokjin is barely visible under the haze of lust now surrounding him. He bends down, taking your lips again. Mimicking your actions from before, he licks and sucks at your bottom lip before grazing your tongue with his own. Slightly taken aback by the feeling, you pull back to regain control of this situation. When he releases you, you step back and can feel the coldness of your shirt against your skin, now wet from being pressed against him.

"That was so good, Baby. You did good. Would you like to take the rest of those wet clothes off?"

"Yes, ma'am."

You smile at how quickly he's catching on. Still standing at the entrance of your place, Seokjin begins to toe off his shoes which squish with every movement. Sliding them to the side with his foot, he begins to unbutton his jeans, hands noticeably trembling. You're unsure if he's still cold or if he's nervous so you decide to check in again.

"Are you ok? Do you want to stop?"

"Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am... I'm ok. I don't want to stop, I'm just c-cold."

"Take those off and follow me...let's get you warmed up."

Removing your now moist shirt, you begin walking down the hallway to your bedroom. Seokjin watches as your hips sashay and your ass jiggles with every step you take. He continues to peel the wet jeans from his body. Now, wearing only his boxer briefs, he follows the route he just watched you take. Inside of your bedroom, he finds you already in bed, clothes tossed haphazardly on the floor. He bashfully makes his way to the edge of the bed, awaiting further instruction.

"Aren't those wet, too? Don't you think you should take them off?"

"Are you sure you're ok with this? With me?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be? Take them off, Sweet Boy, and come here."

When he pulls them down, you have to hide the shock that overcomes you. His dick looks so thick and heavy. Your heart begins to race in anticipation. Once he's completely naked, you pull the covers back as an invitation for him to climb in. He seems reluctant, trying and failing to cover his manhood behind his hands.

"Seokjin, baby...we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for. I won't be upset and I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do."

"NO! It's not that. I want this, I want this with you. But, like I mentioned, I've never done this before...I'm a virgin. Shit, you just gave me my first kiss. I'm sorry...I should have told you sooner. I'll just leave. I don't want to embarrass myself and waste your time."

"Awww, Baby. It's ok! I don't care that you're a virgin. I want you to stay but only if you want to stay."

"Yes, ma'am, I do."

"I promise to be patient. I'm not here to judge you. I won't rush you so just take your time. Would you like for me to teach you?"

He nods his head in agreement.

"Have you ever heard of a 'safeword'?"

"Is it a word we would use to indicate that we are uncomfortable with something?"

"That's exactly what it is. If either of us say or do anything that the other doesn't like, we'll use that word. The other has to stop immediately."

"Ok...what should it be? Could we use Adler?"

You laugh out loud at his cuteness. "Ok... that's fine with me, but why did you choose that?"

"I don't know. His theory was the last thing I looked at when I was studying for Professor Yun's test earlier. It's the first thing that popped into my head," he laughs bashfully while still trying to cover his manhood.

"Adler it is. You can lay with me whenever you feel ready."

With that reassurance, he places his trust in you, removes his hands, and climbs into the sheets. Covering your bodies under the plush blanket, you pull him closer to share your body heat. Resting your head on one hand, you caress his smooth skin with the other. His body continues to tremble but not from the cold this time. Your touch is sending electricity through his core leaving his skin slightly clammy and his breathing shallow and quick.

"I've seen the way you stare at me in class. Do you like me, baby?"

His expression looks as if he'd been caught red handed.

"Y-yes, ma'am. Yes, I do."

"Have you thought about being close with me like this? In bed with me? Touching my naked body?"

His breath hitches in his throat before he answers the same as before.

"Y-y...Yes, ma'am."

"Do you ever touch yourself when you think of me? Does the thought of me make you cum, baby?"

You're practically whispering at this point, inches from his ear. Your hand travels down his abs then along his thigh, skipping the tented area where he needs and wants your touch the most. His erection jerks from the excitement, his body spasms, and his shallow breaths now deepen as he whimpers and moans under your touch. You know he's fighting for his life at this moment but you decide to press him for an answer.

"Did you hear my question? Answer me, Seokjin."

Still inaudible minus his tiny whimpers, he nods his head frantically in agreement.

"I can't hear you. Are you not going to answer me? Do you know what happens to bad boys who don't follow directions? They get punished."

He squeezes his eyes shut tightly in anticipation of what you'll do next. As he clenches his teeth, you can see the muscles along his jawline flex.

"Bad boy," you say softly, pulling the blanket off of him to reveal his hardness. His dick is so firm making his skin look extra smooth but painfully red. The precum leaking from his slit indicates he's enjoying this torture. "Show me. Show me how you jerk yourself off when you're in your room thinking about me."

You sit up briefly to grab the almond oil you'd left on your nightstand this morning after moisturizing your legs. Opening the cap, you pour a bit on the head of his dick and watch as it drizzles down his shaft along the contours of his veins.

"Show me, bad boy. Let me see."

His hand tremors as he brings it up to fist himself. Using his thumb, he distributes the oil and precum over his tip before slowly gliding down his rod. He grunts and gasps as his abs contract, lifting his head from the pillow slightly. He moves his fist back up to the top, barely touching himself.

"Look at me, Seokjin."

He opens his eyes, though they are hooded and lazy. Your heart flutters at the sight. He holds eye contact and his plush lips part as his pants, ready to receive his punishment.

"Squeeze tighter. Imagine my tight pussy slowly sliding down your dick. I'm so wet and juicy."

Following your instruction, he applies more pressure. Still looking into your eyes, his brows furrow as if begging for more. He begins to pick up speed as he's almost there.

"Slowly. Rub your thumb over the tip."

And he does, slowly smearing more precum over the head of his penis. You can tell that he's close to the edge. You allow him to stroke himself a few more times before you grab his wrist, stopping him.

"I want you inside of me. I want you begging me to let you cum."

You grab your phone before moving back towards him. Straddling his hips as he looks at you with a dumbfounded expression. You lift up onto your knees and guide him into you.

"Oh, oh, oh, y/n! Oh! OH!"

He is a mess as you slowly lower your soaking wet pussy to sit flush onto his lap.

"What a nice seat. I think I'll sit here for a while. Don't move."

You unlock your device and start to scroll through your Instagram feed as you're perched motionless with his dick buried deep inside of you. He feels so good and it's a challenge for you to remain still, sitting in this dominant role. You look up to see him looking up to you. The slight chuckle that leaves your lips causes your walls to tighten briefly around him. His whimpers cause you clench even more. He hisses and grabs your hips, sinking his nails into your skin. Simultaneously, he pulls you down as he grinds up to burrow deeper into you. You swallow your moan, unwilling to relinquish your newfound power. You lean forward to firmly grab his chin, bringing his eyes up to yours.

"I said...Be. Still," you whisper. You leave him heaving as you continue to scroll on your phone, putting on as if you're not ready to ride him off the cliff of ecstasy. His little pleas making it harder to act.

"Hmmm...Pleeeease! I c-can't. Y-y/n, please. I can't... can't hold it anymore."

"You can't hold it? Do you need to use the word, baby."

His brows are winkling tighter, sweat pecking at his forehead and chest. You adjust yourself, purposely lifting your body only to follow the trail of moisture you've left smeared on his dick to sit back down.

"N-no... I can't. I can't hold it, y/n! A-ADLER!"

"Go ahead, baby. Let it go."

With your permission, he grips you tighter and pounds into you. Seokjin bares and grinds his teeth, his grunts becoming louder with every stroke. He controls himself for as long as he can, lasting for approximately ten seconds before he explodes, painting your walls with his cum. He feels so amazing, you to want to continue to move. His whining grows louder as his sensitivity increases. Stopping for a moment to allow him to catch his breath, you push the hairs stuck to his forehead away and caress his cheek.

"Are you ok, babe?" Your voice sounds so loving, laced with tenderness.

Seokjin opens his eyes to look at you before he replies, "Yes, ma'am. I'm ok...more than ok. That was better than any of my daydreams, better than I could have ever imagined. You feel so good, so warm, so wet. You look so beautiful sitting on me like this. Thank you so much for this experience."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. You're doing so well."

"But you are too sexy, I couldn't restrain myself. The nickname you called me... the way you spoke to me... your dominance. Whew! But, I came way too fast, I'm so sorry. I wasn't able to pleasure you."

Looking at him, you can see that he's oozing with confidence. Confidence you're sure he's unaware that he carries. You both continue conversing as he softly traces tiny circles on your calves with his fingertips.

"Stop that...you're being too hard on yourself. You did great and this was your first time! You'll get better the more you do it. And you feel amazing, by the way. You just have to learn what to do and gain more experience."

"Ummm... could you help me with that, y/n?"

"Of course, Sweet Boy, I would love to help you with that."

He blushes and chuckles a little with a voice that sounds deeper than you remember. "Really?! Thank you so much, y/n. I never would have imagined I'd be able to be here with you, like this. I'm, literally, the luckiest man alive. Also... I am still inside of you but the way you're looking at me, well, I'm getting hard again. What should I do?"

You can't contain your laugher at his innocence.

"Well, baby, you just came. Now it's my turn."

"Yes ma'am... just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it. Anything you want. I want to learn how to please you."

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks for the Sub (ksj) | Chapter Three

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 14.9k

Release date: March 24, 2024

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn (?), coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: Now that Seokjin has agreed to come over and help you practice for your streams, you find there's a lot more you want to do with him than actually prepare for this stream.

Chapter Warnings: Anxiety and panic attacks HEAVILY referenced in this chapter, familial verbal and emotional abuse that might be triggering to some (slamming of doors, manipulative behaviors), references to puberty, implied chubby/fat reader, references to disordered eating (not main characters), references to oral (f), mention of sub drop, Seokjin is STRONG and the king of consent, lots of little domestic moments idk let's hope I didn't forget anything

a/n: Ahh finally, I'm so sorry it took so long to get to you. I have been very busy in my little corner of reality so I haven't had a chance to really dive back in for a while. I hope you enjoy more of the backstory to the characters in this one, I found pulling away from the spicy bits a little necessary so I could learn more about my characters as they grow.

I'll be in South Korea these next few weeks for my birthday, so I might be mostly offline but I'll enjoy looking at your comments, tags, questions, etc, while I'm away! Thanks for your patience. Enjoy! -h

This, she thinks, is goodbye. Her body sprawled in the silk sheets of August’s chamber, head thrust back onto the plush pillows. Never again in her life did she think she would see the dark beams of his ceiling again, yet now, her legs bent and open for him, his lips eagerly suckling her inner thigh, she couldn’t imagine life any other way. 

How many times had she counted each knot in the wood above her, her eyes tracing the swirl and swell of the grain while August swirled the swell of her sex? Perfectly matched in this way, as if he were reading her like a map he’d crafted himself. He knew her. Knew all of her, how the heady moan leaving her throat now was a sign she was becoming impatient with his thorough ministrations. 

She dared to risk a glance down, only to see him watching her intently, devilishly choosing that moment to latch himself onto her, a wicked smirk flashing across his face as she elicited a hearty gasp. 

“August,” she breathed, instinctively tangling her fingers through his newly-raven hair, dyed dark now to comply with his family’s request. While his once-bleached locks were the definite sign of his rebellion, a sign that he would fight against the ruling state and their convoluted and asinine laws that prevented royalty from marrying a commoner, she admitted his natural hair suited him more. He looked less harsh this way, his delicate skin creamy and soft as she skimmed her fingertips across his cheek. 

“No,” he breathed into her sex, sending a delightful shiver down her spine. 

Something about the glint in his eye as he feasted upon her spelled out more than simple lust. No, she forbade herself to think that this was more than a parting gift, a transaction before she would be cast aside for his betrothed. 

“Please,” she begged, though she knew she was asking for many things in that request. Please end the hunger between her legs, please end his engagement. Please take her to bed tonight and tomorrow and every night after. Please love me. 

“Say my name,” he growled, sitting up to wipe his mouth with the back of his robe sleeve.

“August,” she called but he only chuckled darkly, the cool blue of the fabric cascading around him. 

 She felt so exposed. Here she was, completely naked, and yet he hadn’t even begun to undress. It felt cold, final, and sickening. Her eyes roved his body, looking for more skin, anything to keep her close to him at this moment, but he was so carefully tucked away. 

“August,” she said again and he shook his head. 

“That’s not my name,” he argued. 

Her eyebrows knit together, and she reached forward, needing now more than ever to touch him. She was drowning fast in the night, the blue robes sweeping over both their bodies as he leaned closer, finally letting her grip his forearm as she groped around. He was drifting from her in one way or another, his body a boat on the water that was capsizing her under his waves. 

“I–I can’t. I can’t see you. I–.” A rush of white hot panic surged into her throat, constricting her words. As she began drowning, August moved quickly, disrobing himself and pulling her into his embrace. She gasped for air as she wrenched out a heavy sob, her nipples stroking the soft hairs on his chest, yet she ignored the sensation instead for the thing she needed more: his heartbeat. 

There, in his chest, was the melodic thrum that sought to calm her erratic one, calling her home to him in the cold night air. 

“Breathe, Petal,” he commanded, and she felt a rush of air fall from her lungs as she remembered once more to do the most simple of human tendencies. His arms laced around her back, where the soft tracing of his fingers along her spine brought her back into herself. 

“I’m sorry,” she cried, a prick of tears falling despite her best efforts to appear unaffected. 

He hummed in response. 

“Stay with me,” he whispered, and she felt her joints loosen as she molded herself further into his embrace. 

“I want to,” she replied, voice unsteady. “Sugar, please just hold me.”

He melted into her, a pool of warmth overtaking him as he absorbed her nickname. He kissed her forehead, her temples, everywhere his mouth could spread some of the sweetness.

After long, she hummed a satisfied sound through her lips, and her hips began rocking against him. He laid her back down, his eyes searching hers before the corner of his mouth ticked into a smirk. 

“You with me?” he asked, his smirk becoming a full grin as she bucked further toward him, desperate and wanting. He was back, the ever-changing prince who within a blink of an eye could transform the room into his sensual paradise. 

August’s hand skimmed up her calf and back between her thighs, resting up against her heat. 

“August,” she panted, and he chuckled darkly, the scar over his eye almost glowing in the moonlight. 

“I told you that’s not my name,” he warned, sliding his fingers into her wet folds. 

“Seokjin,” you said, his name caught in your throat as he continued moving.

“Good girl,” he coaxed, two of his fingers covering the edges of your clit as he began rolling it under his touch. 

“Fuck.” 

The wooden beams were gone. Now it was the familiar white plaster that you often looked at, trying to remember what constellations were above during what season, though you could never see the stars anyway in this part of the city. 

Seokjin pulled himself up off the chamber bed, though the chamber was hazy, almost pixelated as you realized around you it was not the chamber of August and his beloved, but your small bedroom. 

“Focus,” he commanded, and your eyes flashed over to Seokjin, who was naked and sweaty, his chest flush like it was when you’d seen him before. His fingers roamed over your calf and he lifted you leg at an angle, exposing your pussy to the cool air. 

Seokjin licked his lips and began swirling his fingers around your clit, sending a jolt of pleasure through your body. 

“You gonna be good for me?” he asked and you moaned an affirmative as you felt the first of his fingers tip into you. 

“Nuh uh, use your words, Y/N.” 

You opened your mouth to beg but found no words could come out. He cocked his head, confused. Seokjin reached over to touch your face. You felt nothing. 

“What–”

The plop of the book hitting the floor jars you awake. At some point in reading, you must’ve dozed off, your world and the book world merging into a hot, overwhelming dream that has your heart racing. 

He’s in your mind again, Seokjin. And it really is all your fault. Because you’ve spent the rest of your weekend and the first half of this week texting him with a plan to put this After Dark stream into place, an idea that you hadn’t really thought through before proposing to him. 

You know you want this, to feel at ease in your body and confident to hold your own on streams. Especially since the option to quit is becoming less and less of an option. This week, your university confirmed your withdrawal, meaning that for the next few months you’ll be focusing on streaming and working more shifts at the restaurant to try and replenish your income for the summer term. 

And that also means you’ll be seeing Seokjin a lot more often. Your stomach does a tiny flip just thinking about it. 

Now with him being around you everywhere, all the time, your subconscious has been drifting to dreams of him, and every waking thought is somehow finding a way to wiggle him in. At the market this morning, you were walking through the produce section where you noticed a large pile of mangoes on sale. Does Seokjin like mangoes? you’d wondered. That shirt on the mannequin would look good on Seokjin. That dog looks like the one in the old picture in Seokjin’s office. What would Seokjin think about this recurring ad? 

It’s becoming relentless. So much so that you also find yourself asking him random questions to take the edge off. 

Me 1:47PM: Thoughts about fruit on pizza. 

Seokjin 1:50PM: Are you asking because we are having pizza later?

Me 1:51PM: No I was just wondering

Me 1:51PM: Unless you want that later? I can get us some 

Me 1:51PM: I’ll pay

Seokjin 1:51PM: No you will not! I’ll pay

Seokjin 1:53PM: Also depends on the kind of fruit

Seokjin 1:53PM: Never had blueberries on pizza. 

Seokjin 1:54PM: But I would maybe try it. Pineapple is fine though.

Seokjin 1:55PM: I’ll pick up the pizza on the way over. Be there at 6. 

Seokjin agreed to stop by today to do some roleplay exercises for you to practice before your stream later tonight. He thought it was important that you run through the full scale of situations you might be presented with so you could say no firmly but without risking losing your viewership, two things equally at odds with each other for you most of the time. 

You look for your phone in the mess of your couch cushions, assuming that at some point in your impromptu nap, it slunk down between the crack. Sure enough, you find it nestled between two cushions, the comfort of its weight in your hand dismissing some of the panic when you see it’s only 4:30. He hasn’t texted, which means he hasn’t canceled.

You remember from his stream last week that he maintains a tempered persona, never giving too much or too little away to his viewers. He’d exuded such self control. Is he always like that? 

You know he mostly keeps it together at work, but that amount of restraint shocks you. You’re always wondering what it is that will make him snap. Sure, you’ve seen him annoyed, or occasionally yelling at your coworkers, but never rageful. Never out of control. That just isn’t Seokjin. 

Determined to keep your hands busy while you wait for him to arrive, you busy yourself tidying, though your apartment is scarily clear because you’ve been frantically cleaning all day. You walk into the kitchen, a small, narrow room that has never been very welcoming as a cooking space. Your old, banged up fridge has dents from where the door has opened too quickly and rocketed into the oven handle, leaving a jagged, metal scar on the surface.

When you’d first moved in, you didn’t understand how something could be so damaged, but within the first week, it became apparent how heavy and quickly the door swung into it, probably because the floors, and thus everything else, doesn’t sit exactly level in the space, meaning that everything that you bake comes out at an angle, and everything else always falls to one side of the pan, making things uneven. Every time you use your rolling pin, you have to place it on an oven mitt or else you risk it rolling into the large gap between the countertop and the wall. 

Your apartment is one that you’ve done your best to uplift. While your kitchen is somewhat of a hellhole, with a buzzing fluorescent light that sounds almost like it’s mocking you when you dare to cook anything in it, the rest of your space has some sense of charm to it. 

There’s a large window facing the back parking lot of the building, which some may find less exciting because it isn’t exuding some Instagram-worthy backdrop of urban living, but you benefit from the fact that there’s a large, undeveloped lot in your view, with some plum trees that will bloom in the next few weeks, and the soft chartreuse green that ushers in the early spring grasses is slowly starting to brighten in hue. 

Some summer nights, you crack your window and hear the loud chattering of cicadas and birds as they rustle through the trees, and it helps to distract from the usual traffic noises that ricochet off the other buildings around you. 

You have some small herbs growing on the windowsill, as well as some salvaged green onion ends you’d tossed into an empty yogurt pot with soil and let take off. A sad excuse for a dining table is propped against it with two mismatched chairs. 

An oversized, well-loved, brown couch you got for a steal from one of those local posting groups takes up a large chunk of your living room, which will probably have to be sawed in half to get out of your space if you ever move. It weighs a ton and you can’t even shuffle it into a better angle toward your television, which has resulted in one side of the couch being further worn-down and frumpy from the creases of you sitting in the same spot day after day. The other side usually houses a variety of character plushies and a large pink knit blanket you swaddle yourself in regularly. Today, everything is given a place, and the blanket is folded and resting on the back of the couch. 

The rest of your apartment is a collection of stuff: some mismatched bookshelves shoved into one corner with all your smutty reads and figurines, postcards and repurposed mailers you’ve collaged into some type of wall art, and Barry, your Big Mouth Bass that knows one song and one song only: “Take Me to the River”. 

Due to your lack of space in your cozy apartment, your desk and gaming set-up are in your room. During streams, you tote out a collapsible green screen to give yourself at least some privacy, but behind the screen is your bed you’ve cluttered with some throw pillows, a dresser whose drawers are so warped they don’t fully close, the nightstand which hides your collection of sex toys, and that’s about it. As the months have progressed, your schoolwork has moved from being the main event on the desk to now being crammed into the shallow drawers beneath. Beyond that, your PC and streaming supplies take up the rest of the space in your room. 

After fussing with everything for a whole ten minutes, you retreat from your bedroom, heading into the hellscape kitchen to stare at the groceries you’ve just bought. 

A jar of kimchi, some beets, and a comically large bag of carrots you impulse bought greet you. You sigh. Yes, this is what you’ll have to do to make time pass. Pulling the items from the fridge, you shuffle around to gather your cutting board from its slot next to the microwave, and find your good knife set in the drawer. 

One of the conditions you were given upon being hired at the restaurant was to purchase your own set of knives. “It teaches you how to respect the tools before you. Having pride in your knives ensures you’ll serve food with pride,” Mr. Kim had told you. 

When you shared that knowledge with Seokjin he snorted. “It ensures you’ll not damage our own knives that he’s too cheap to replace is what he means.” 

Regardless, you now own a decent quality set of cutting knives, perfect for what you need them for. You scrub and lightly peel the carrots to trim away the dirt and uneven shapes adorning the outside.

Then, you begin your setup, placing your cutting board with a kitchen towel near the end to catch any rollaway carrots you’re bound to encounter during your task. You snag a large bowl, a rubber jar grip to keep the cutting board in place, and your Chef’s knife from your knife set. You chop up the kimchi and beets, doing a tiny bit of prep by cutting those for later in the week. Then, you begin with the carrots. 

You pull from the washed pile and grip your knife, and remember what Seokjin taught you: cut the rounded edge off the carrot so it sits flat on the board. You slice again, then again, stacking the pieces before cutting in the next direction until a pile of neat matchsticks lay before you. 

No chaos erupting in the kitchen, no pieces flinging to the floor or a semi-concussion. Just you, the yellow glow of the humming light, and your carrots. You begin the next one. Then again. It’s almost addicting, like the affirmation that you are capable of this, of anything, has started to warm something inside of you. 

When was the last time you felt this confident and assured? Felt like you were growing in the right direction? In school, you were used to doing fairly well and understanding the material, but this is different somehow. This is you seeing the results as they pile higher into the bowl. You reach for another and another, washing the rest of the carrots and scrubbing them before continuing. Your hands are now properly stained, the beet juice, gochugaru, and carrot juice making your hands look like you are bleeding, but you don’t care. The ache from your grip, the loud thumping at the door, they don’t mean anything in this moment when it’s you feeling the give of the vegetable as it splits into finer pieces. 

“Y/N?!! HELLO ARE YOU OKAY?” 

A familiar voice bellows from the hall, another sharp thunk hitting the metal door. Seokjin. 

Your eyes rip to the clock on the oven. It’s already five minutes past six. You’ve been cutting carrots for about an hour. 

Hastily, you rinse your hands, ignoring the sting as the cold water spurts from the faucet. You grab the kitchen towel off the oven handle, and rush to the door.

You barely have it unlocked before Seokjin barges in, two large pizza boxes and a six pack of beer in his hands as he steps over the threshold. He smells faintly of mint and eucalyptus. 

Seokjin whips in your direction, scanning his eyes over your face and down your body. 

“Are you hurt? Are you okay?” His eyes are wide, his pupils blown out as he fervently looks you up and down, gasping as he takes in your hands. “What happened?”

“What? No, no I’m fine!” You hold one hand up in his direction, taking the kitchen towel and rubbing it into your palm for good measure. “They’re stained. Um, I was cutting vegetables.”

His eyes flit to the direction of the kitchen, where the light is still on and buzzing, and you can just make out the chopping board on the counter. Now assured you’re not injured, Seokjin recovers, stepping out of his shoes and padding into the kitchen.

“Whoa, you really were going to town in here with the carrots weren’t you? I thought I could smell it on you.” 

Your cheeks flood with heat. “Well, you said I had to practice.” 

Seokjin chuckles, shaking his head in amusement before holding up the six pack. “Uh, I brought beer. I don’t know if you like it or not but I feel like it goes really well with pizza.” 

You smile. “I’m not sure if getting me wasted is the solution to setting boundaries with my stream. Doesn’t alcohol lower your inhibitions?”

He cocks an eyebrow. “Are you planning on finishing off this entire six pack by yourself and getting trashed? Much less beer that is…” He squints at the packaging. “...four percent alcohol?” 

You laugh. “No, I suppose not. Thank you.” You take the case from his hands and pluck two bottles from the cardboard before putting the rest in the fridge. Holding the cold bottle in your hands, you grimace. 

“What’s wrong? Do you not like this brand?” Seokjin asks. 

You shake your head. “No, it’s not that. Um, I don’t really drink often so I don’t actually own a bottle opener.” 

Seokjin frowns and looks around your kitchen, grazing his hand along the chipped laminate counters. Then he takes the bottle in his hand and whacks it down on the counter edge on an angle. The cap pops off, a subtle wisp of fog puffing from the top. He smirks, proud. He gestures for you to hand him your bottle. 

With ease, he pops off the second cap and deposits it back into your hands. 

Your jaw hangs slack. “Wh-how did you do that?” you ask. 

He chuckles. “There’s a science to it, angles. I’m just glad I didn’t take a chunk of the counter with me. I’ve done that before.” 

“And you risked my counter top just now?” 

He snorts. “Come on, did anything happen? A little bit of trust would be nice, Y/N.” He glances at the giant bowl of cut carrots. “Well, you’ve certainly improved. What are you going to make with all those?” 

You pull your lips into a thin line. You hadn’t thought about it. Your silence seems to tip Seokjin off to that as well, because after a sip of beer, he sets his bottle on the back end of the counter, rolling up his sleeves and scooting over to the sink to wash his hands. 

“What are you doing?” you ask. 

“Cooking,” he replies simply. “Do you have flour? Green onions?” 

You nod. “Okay, get those. I’ll also need some soybean paste if you have it, vegetable oil, salt, and sugar.” 

You furrow your brows. You know this recipe from the restaurant. “You’re making jeon? But, we already have pizza.” 

“We can have the pizza as an appetizer. Jeon will be the main course.”  

You laugh. “How much do you think I eat?” 

“Not much. But you see, I am very hungry.” Heat shoots to your core. You glance over at Seokjin, who is looking at you amused as he squeezes the carrots between his hands to wring out the excess juice.

You didn’t really notice before, but Seokjin looks effortlessly cool, a loose pink linen button down framing his broad shoulders. He’s left the top two buttons undone, exposing the white t-shirt he wears underneath. Lighter wash jeans cover his strong thighs. If a stranger ever passed him on the street, they might think he’s too cool for them, too serious or vain.

But, there are notes of him everywhere in this outfit that suggests the break in the persona. One of the buttons in the middle of his shirt has popped open, a few hairs on the back of his head are cowlicked out of place, and on his feet are a pair of neon green Chikorita Pokemon socks. You find it impossible to hide your amusement. 

“Ah, got it. Nice socks by the way,” you joke, trying to distract from the singing heat and close proximity. You can’t help but think about the last time you and Seokjin were in such confined spaces and how that ended up. “Didn’t know you were going to use your feet later to guide an airplane into landing.” 

“Well, I figured it was a necessary backup in case your hands weren’t bright enough.” He nods toward you. You laugh. 

“Touché.” 

You open your upper cabinet. The paper bag of flour sits on the middle shelf, which you usually climb onto the counter to reach, but with Seokjin in the kitchen, there’s even less space than usual. You stretch, lifting onto your tiptoes. Your fingertips brush the bag, but it’s not enough to move it. As you try to angle yourself better, you see two large hands come above yours, Seokjin easily grabbing the flour off the shelf to set down onto the counter. 

You feel his body heat behind you, his shirt brushing the small of your back from where your own rode up during your stretch, and a swell of goosebumps rise on your arms from the gentle tickle. 

“There,” Seokjin says softly into your ear, almost breathless. “Don’t want to have any more kitchen related incidents, do we?” Too soon, he moves away, his warmth, the subtle note of his cologne fading into the smell of the green onions he’s set next to your not-so-glorious prep space. 

Suddenly, he scoffs. You turn toward him. “What?”

“Really, Y/N? Have you learned nothing?” The heat in your core immediately dissipates, welcoming a familiar sour stroke of shame as you try to put together what you’ve missed. How did you fuck this up? What haven’t you learned? When you focus on what he’s pointing at, you realize he isn’t angry. He’s teasing you. 

Your knife is unsheathed on the cutting board, abandoned in your haste to let him in. “When are you ever going to learn basic kitchen safety?” he laughs. The prick of embarrassment dissolves, Seokjin’s laugh soothing the ache.

You smile and shrug. “In my defense, I didn’t have the time to put it away or in the sink because you were disturbing the peace by practically breaking my door down.” 

He rolls his eyes and sighs. “Well excuse me for wanting to ensure your safety. Now where’s that soybean paste?”

Seokjin had been sitting on, or practically in your couch for the last twenty minutes as you ran through various scenarios and questions you were likely to experience while streaming. Your old couch was comfy, but as you’d practiced longer, he felt he was shrinking, the cushions settling further and further down. That, he thought, was probably going to hurt to climb out when the time came. 

Despite the size and outdated condition your apartment was in, he was fascinated with how you’d chosen to decorate it, as if everything had its own place. You had an impressive collection of colorful books on a bookshelf, framed in with little knick-knacks and figurines of your favorite characters or collectibles. One large sunny window was decorated with stickers that acted as prisms, sending rainbow beams across your floor at a certain point in the day. A photo of a very young you and two people he assumed were your parents leaning against a guard rail over a canyon was framed and hung next to a giant plastic fish. 

No, you didn’t have much. It was clear you’d thrifted or trash picked most of the furniture in your apartment, with the exception of your computer setup. You’d taken him into your bedroom to show him what system you used, how you’d built your system based on the specifications of your mod, who Seokjin now knew, was also your best friend Wonwoo. 

But Seokjin couldn’t help but revel in how well cared for and cozy this small place was, so different from the cold floors of his own apartment. It reminded him of the tiny place he used to live in with his parents. It was familiar, safe. 

When he’d come in, he did worry something was wrong. You weren’t one to not answer, attentive in the restaurant to everyone, often whipping your head in someone’s direction the second you heard the first sound of your name slip through someone’s lips. When you didn’t answer, he’d wondered if you’d been injured or worse. As much as he tried not to judge your building, he was a little concerned about the safety precautions put in place. He’d walked straight in, no lock on the front door, no door man. Everyone’s names were blatantly listed on their mailboxes. If anyone wanted to find you, it wouldn’t be hard to do so. 

But you were fine, and the acrid worry that had bloomed in him during those five minutes of you not answering had dissolved once he saw your bright smile, and the even brighter colored stains on your hands. 

They were still blotchy, though a few runs under the sink with dish soap was helping them fade. As you feathered a hand through your hair, he found himself grinning. The fact that you had acquired a bulk bag of carrots and used them for practice was so endearing to him. He never doubted your dedication to work, but the fact that you were using the techniques he taught you in your kitchen had brightened something in Seokjin he hadn’t even known felt dark. 

And he also couldn’t ignore the sense of pride he had as you practically moaned into the jeon you two had made together, the crispy texture and roll of hot oil over your tongue invoking something in you Seokjin couldn’t help but be drawn to. You loved to eat. It was one of the first things he noticed about you, and as creepy as it sounded, also what stoked those first wisps of attraction. 

You loved food the way he did, without care, or at least without care the way most people who he was raised around cared. No, you didn’t eat a lot, but when you did, you were all in, bare hands sticky after eating peaches, their juice dribbling down your chin and forearms, joyful hums when you bit into your favorite crunchy snacks from the convenience store. 

He remembered growing up the ways in which women, even his mother, were almost afraid of food, afraid of how they would spend hours in the kitchen making heaps of it, pounds of fresh kimchi, grilled fish, decadent soups with tofu and mushrooms and packets of ramyeon, and yet when it was time to eat, they were too busy too or suddenly not hungry, or they would eat a few bites and excuse themselves from the table to clean up. 

It was sad, really. Because Seokjin ate and ate fully, and maybe because he wasn’t a woman he didn’t need to worry about his body that way, or maybe because he always had some insane metabolism that didn’t impose weight like it did with others, but it never hit him the same. He loved food. 

And clearly so did you, delighted in the meal he gave you, even eliciting a groan as you washed down a bite with your beer. It was like you were grateful for every bite of food that ever entered your mouth.

“You were right. This does taste better together,” you said. He was practically beaming. 

He glanced down at the pile of jeon. They weren’t bad, but they were a little uneven. While cooking, he’d noticed that something was a bit off about your kitchen. Your oven and everything else were a bit titled, and it pooled the jeon batter toward one end, making them thicker on one side and harder to cook properly. Your fridge door also was dented, having the similar issue of the weight pushing things to one side. He made a mental note to shove some cardboard under the floor pegs later to help level the appliances. 

Your counter situation, though, he couldn’t help. You would just have to keep with your barricade at the end to avoid rolling. But you seemed to be savvy in how you solved the various erroneous features of your apartment, making the best of what you had. 

In fact, as Seokjin sat in the crook of your massive couch, he noticed why this side was so sunken; it was the only spot you could actually see the TV from this angle. He wondered if he could shuffle it a little bit more in a better view while you were streaming later, or if you would even notice. 

You hovered next to the couch, your bottom lip worried between your teeth. You were nervous about something. 

“What is it?” He asked. The time for your stream was growing nearer, and he’d promised he would stay for at least the first half, setting up his laptop in your living room. 

“What am I doing?” you groaned and flopped down on the floor, a frustrated wail muffling into the carpet. 

“Testing yourself and growing. Listen, Y/N, you know you don’t have to do this, but we’ve been over it daily at this point. You want more money and this is what you’ve decided is the most viable option. After-Dark type streams do make a lot more money, you want to exercise more freedom with yourself, do I need to go on?” 

You shook your head. Seokjin chuckled. 

“Okay, so–yah, sit up!” You bolted off the carpet and folded your legs underneath you. 

“So, you know I’m going to be out here if you need anything. If you need me, I’m just on the other side of that door. Also, we’ve been practicing, right?”

“I know, I just…I’m not like you. I’m not confident, I’m not really easygoing or likable like you are. I can’t dom–command a room or everyone’s attention with my charisma how you can. I’m worried that if I don’t give people what they ask for, they’re just going to leave.”

Seokjin scoffed. He knew that on the outside, in the context of work that you were used to seeing him in, he appeared in charge and control at all times. It was part of the job, to be well tempered and fair and even, maintain a sense of friendliness but firmness, it was common sense. But much of his advice today wasn’t coming from that version of him you knew. A lot of this was insight and experience he’d gained as Jin, who he needed to be to ensure he was meeting his tip goals, or needing to remind everyone he was the one in charge, not them. 

Even at work last week, when Seokjin needed to call the distributor because there was some issue with a shipment of produce, it was Jin he was channeling to make the call. If it were Seokjin, he would have been a sweaty, nervous mess. Jin was business, Jin was the one who laid down the law. Seokjin himself? 

He was the youngest Kim son, the one who, when his parents’ friends and family members thought he wasn’t listening, gossiped about. Why wasn’t he married? Didn’t he have that fiancée for a while? Oh she had a baby with another man? His boss? Well surely that has been long enough now, right? He had another girlfriend, or found some other salaryman career. At 30, it would be kind of sad if his life wasn’t going anywhere. 

And that’s where Seokjin was, after all. Single, a sex worker, or temporary restaurant manager. This morning he’d received a text in the family group chat from his brother with a photo of his nephew kissing his sister-in-law’s bump. He loved his nephew, he loved his brother and was happy for their little family. But he also felt hollow as he opened that picture, like some part of him knew he was never going to truly get to have that for himself. 

“Hey,” he said, and your eyes flitted from the floor back to him. “First of all, if they leave they leave, right? Those aren’t the people you want to be on your streams because their energy sucks and they’ll just keep asking more of you. Second,” he cleared his throat, “you are likable. Otherwise you wouldn’t be in this position in the first place, having viewers and subscribers. There has to be a part of you that is genuine there, otherwise everyone will know you’re lying and move away from you. Don’t they say something about how all the best lies are rooted in truth?” 

“But I’m not trying to lie to them,” you said meekly. 

Seokjin internally kicked himself for saying that. Perhaps suggesting that you lie to everyone wasn’t the best move. 

“I know, I mean, that you don’t offer all of yourself, but offer the parts of you that you know are there that are stable. And for the rest of it, fake it until you make it. Until you can feel confident as a streamer, able to set boundaries. Pretend you’re someone else. The person you want to be.” he amended. 

Jin was some of the best parts of Seokjin. Maybe even better. Self-assured, knowledgeable about sex and sexuality in ways he hadn’t been when he was with Soon Yi, he could say no to things he’d never been able to say no to his boss about, and things he couldn’t say no to now because the restaurant wasn’t technically his. There were things he could do, ways he could slip some power in there or make decisions, but nothing was really his. Not the way streaming was. That was all for him. And while yes, his friends knew he did it and supported him in their own way (thankfully most of them did not tune in but on occasion Jungkook and Taehyung would hop on when completely wasted to goad him to “release the beast”), it was still a success that couldn’t be shared publicly, even though he didn’t really want to share it anyway, and didn’t really feel successful. 

“Is that what you did? Faked it until you made it? Until you were the person you wanted to be?” 

His blood ran cold. Were you reading his thoughts? Did you know? 

“W-what?” 

Oh god, what if you knew? Seokjin would rush out into the night and dig his own grave. Because if anyone else knew what he did, if his parents found out or his brother or you, he was sure he would become the worst parts of himself. A failure again. Once more someone to be quietly gossiped about in rooms when he was in full range of hearing what they had to say. He couldn’t imagine anything more humiliating than you seeing him, your own boss, with a bright pink dildo shoved up his ass as he pandered to thousands of people with whimpers and cries. Especially when he just spent the better half of an hour telling you that you didn’t need to pander to anyone. 

Would you think less of him for it? Would you ask him why he was doing gay streaming of all things? His face flushed, probably turning incredibly red with embarrassment. 

“With the restaurant,” you said. 

He swallowed the thick lump that had formed in his throat and coughed. 

“Y-yes,” he stammered. “What you see there. It’s not really me all the time. I’m not always all that confident. But I want to be.” 

You nodded quietly and stretched your arms over your head. “That makes sense,” you said as you began to pace. “Okay.” 

You still had another two hours before your stream was set to start, and Seokjin could tell you were still on edge. He took a deep breath when you turned away, letting the rush of air into his lungs help cool his face.  

“Seokjin?” you asked.

“Yeah?” 

“Will you stay until it’s over? I know it’ll be late, and it’s a big ask, but maybe we can eat leftover pizza and debrief?” 

He smiled. “Of course.” 

He couldn’t imagine a better way to spend his night, and probably early morning if he was honest. Your streams could go well into the wee hours of the morning, and while tomorrow while opening he’d probably be kicking himself for this, right now he didn’t care about anything except the warm tug he felt in his chest as he imagined the two of you sitting on the floor with cold pizza and laughter at 3a.m. 

“Thank you. Also, do you think we could have another beer or something? I need to take the edge off. I know I’m overthinking it but I need something to distract me before this stream or I might not show up.” 

You didn’t wait for his permission, probably because you weren’t asking for it. You slid into the kitchen and back out with two more cold beers. 

“Will you show me how to open these again? I want to try.” 

Seokjin struggled a bit against the dip of your couch, but eventually found himself level and close to you, so close in fact that the soft scent of your shampoo was once again permeating his nostrils. 

You were intoxicating to him, honestly, and he found himself unable to help himself as he squeezed behind you in your tiny kitchen, inhaling partially into your hair as he walked you through the process. 

You fiddled with the bottle for a second, holding yourself at an awkward angle. 

“Like this?” 

If you did it at this angle, you would be sure to cause the beer to explode, the cap wouldn’t get enough traction to pop off easily. 

“Not unless you want to participate in a wet t-shirt contest,” he joked before he even realized how sexually charged that comment was. 

You inhaled a little sharply. 

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, you’re a little stiff here.” Then, very carefully, he rested his hands onto your hips, gently maneuvering you so you were able to prop your arm up and out of his way so you wouldn’t elbow him in the ribs when you slammed the bottle down. 

He kind of hated himself when he had to let go of your waist. His fingers were tingling simply from brushing them along the seam of your shirt, from feeling the warm curve of your hip under his fingers. Why did his hands feel so at home on your body?

Your sharp movement pushed him out of his reverie as you launched the bottle down onto the counter top, the soft plink and your sparkling eyes confirming you were successful. 

That’s my girl, he thought. Only you weren’t his girl. You couldn’t be further from his. And as soon as he thought it, he also felt the soft ache in his chest knowing that you would probably never be his. Because you couldn’t. Because you were without a doubt too good for him, and Seokjin knew all that stood between you and the right guy was time. An opportunity. You walk into the right place some day and then boom, there he will be. 

He fucking hated that guy already. 

You popped the second cap from the bottle and turned around, shoving your body directly into him as you beamed with pride. “See! I did it!” You looked so adorable, your eyelashes long and fluttering as you gazed up at him. 

A smile cracked through his gloom. You were like a little sunbeam to him. 

“You did,” he acknowledged, and he took the bottle you offered, taking a swig. He waited for you to make the next move, to dislodge your body from the cramped corner of the kitchen, for the magnetic pull of your body to signal it was too close, too intimate so one of you would break away. 

But neither of you did. In fact you sighed and moved closer to him, forcing the small of Seokjin’s back to rest up against the handle bar of the oven. It wasn’t comfortable at all, but he didn’t dare move. 

“Can I ask you something?” You asked quietly after a while, staring down at the bottle. 

“Sure,” he responded. 

You nibbled your bottom lip then sighed again, unsure. He felt your warm exhale hit his forearms. Did you really not realize how close you were to him? The smell of you, even that tiny hit of beer breath, was starting to drive him insane. 

You shifted yourself even closer. 

“Um, it’s going to sound embarrassing to ask this but I just have to.” 

Your voice was low now, a tiny whisper coming out of you. Fuck, you were perfect. 

“Go ahead,” he whispered back, smirking. “I won’t judge you.”

“Okay, um. Are you…are you bi?” 

“Am I by what?” 

You fidgeted uncomfortably and pulled back slightly. You raised your eyebrows. 

“No, not by as in near, I mean bi as in like, you know, bisexual?” You shifted your gaze away, and then Seokjin felt the question sink in. 

He was such a fucking idiot. 

God, this is one of the most awkward interactions you’ve ever had in your life and you feel yourself getting hotter and more embarrassed by the second.

Standing in your tiny cramped kitchen, you decided now for no good reason was the best time to ask Seokjin if he’s bisexual. Or really if he’s gay. Because you need to know. Need answers. Or a confirmation that will help kill this crush for good because as of tonight? It’s much, much worse. 

Something about watching him cook earlier, specifically in your kitchen, did something to you. The way he touched your hips to show you how to do that beer opening trick, how he looked slumped into your couch, the way he hovered over your bookshelves and belongings with curiosity, and laughed hysterically over Barry once he pressed the button. 

He fits here. In your apartment. It isn’t just some stupid fantasy version of him you could imagine. He is real and beautiful and fits into this corner of your life like a perfect puzzle piece. 

And if he’s gay, if there’s no chance that he can give you even the fantasy of this, then it all needs to stop. But it’s also so unfair for you to ask this of him. What if he’s not out? What if you’re forcing him to come out and no one knows and all because your insatiable horniness led you to a gay streaming site where you found him now his livelihood and privacy are technically in jeopardy?

Fuck. You can’t do that to him. And suddenly you’re aware of what you just did, how uncool this was for you to just out and ask. Heat claws into your throat as you sit in this shock of silence, clamping down on your airway and leaving your voice in a reedy wheeze as you try to take back your inquiry.

“I–I’m sorry, you don’t need to answer! I’m out of line. Really, I shouldn’t have even asked. Jesus, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you splutter, heart beating erratically, a line of perspiration beginning to form at the back of your neck at an insane speed. How humiliating. 

“Whoa, whoa, it’s okay. Relax. Breathe,” Seokjin says. You force a ragged inhale but find yourself coughing, gasping to try to find air in this room that is too small and a million degrees warmer. 

You are standing in the hallway outside of the bathroom, rasping for air into your lungs. Your mother has just come home from work, shouting about how you haven’t remembered to take the chicken out of the freezer or done any of the chores she’d asked you to while she was gone. 

The day has gotten away from you, a hot summer that is so oppressive no one even wants to go outside. You would get all she asked of you done and more before she returned home. The chicken would be thawed, you’d vacuum and mop the floors, would even wipe down the bathroom sink from all the hair she and your father left in it during his morning shave. 

And then you would go to your friend’s house tonight, for the sleepover you’ve been dreaming of, eat lots of candy that her father would bring home from work that yours never let you have. You could tell her about the boy whose parents own the convenience store at the end of the street, and how all summer you’ve been finding an excuse to run up to the shop with your allowance to get a pack of gum or snacks or a can of iced tea you would have to chug outside before you even walked home anyway. 

You start junior high this fall. Your period started this spring. Everything around you is changing. Your legs are stocky and getting fuller. Hair is starting to grow everywhere. Your breasts are no longer flat on your chest and while you know all of this is happening, you know why and what is going to happen, that doesn’t change how awful all this feels. Your baby fat isn’t baby fat anymore, and the oils of your skin, your hair, your smell? It all is changing so fast and you hate it. You want to hide. And at least having this boy down the street to talk to, Wonwoo, who makes you feel less like you want to crawl outside of yourself. 

Him, and all the books you’ve been reading. Ones where they’re older, girls who you’ll be like soon. Who go to school, and date and have families with problems just like your family has problems. Who run into the woods and fall in love with other families. Who find belonging. There’s comfort there, and that’s why despite all your promises to make the house clean for your mom this morning, you forgot. Because you’d fallen into the world of your book. 

And now, your mother has told you that you can’t go to your sleepover anymore. Can’t get away from the house and the heat and your body and the ongoing argument you know your parents are having about finances that they shout about when you’re in the shower and they think you can’t hear them. You can’t eat fun secret snacks or talk about boys or pretend for a second that this isn’t your life. Because it is.  

Your throat closes up, the dim lights of the hallway outside the bathroom feel like they’re flickering. 

“I told you. I reminded you multiple times! Now we don’t have dinner. Unless you’d like to think of something?” She strips off her stockings, balling them up in her fist. “Unless you want to go out there and buy some expensive meal for us tonight?” 

Shame. This is it in its purest form. How wrong you are for not helping. For spending the whole day in your fantasy world with your new friends, ones who aren’t real. All your mother asked for was such simple things, and yet you are unable to just do what she asks. 

“When your father gets home, you can tell him why there’s no dinner ready.” 

Hot tears sting your eyes and you gasp for air. Your father? If he’s having a hard day today, if his boss or his co-workers didn’t recognize him for that presentation he spent all those late nights at the dinner table preparing, you know how this will end. Your father is a fair man, but even he has his limits. 

And sometimes that means that the things you love, the things that you covet, they go missing. Precious dolls that you’ve had over the years have disappeared when you were being careless with them, leaving them around in the hallway for him to step on. Once,  you left your birthday gift from your aunt, a purple Skip-It, on the sidewalk during a Spring rain shower and when you went to bring it in, it had vanished. 

You’d found it in the garbage bin, the ankle loop and cord snapped into pieces. 

When your father gets home, he’ll go for your book. He knows just which one it is. You had started it last night and he asked you about it. 

You push off the wall of the hallway, swallowing the bile down your throat. You have to hide it, to take it somewhere. 

You want to leave. Your eyes dart around the room. Anywhere but here, you can’t let him see how much more embarrassing it is now that he knows you’re anxious. A lump in your throat continues to constrain the air. You can feel your pulse in it, pulling acid up from the depths of your stomach. 

You rip another breath from your chest and try to propel yourself across the room, across the universe, but your feet won’t budge. Your muscles are locked in this bump of panic, leaden and unyielding. 

Somewhere in the fuzziness, Seokjin has moved but already returned, and you feel a set of cool hands on your cheeks as he comes into focus, gently stroking behind your ears and saying something to you. 

“–ow that it’s hard but I need you to breathe, Y/N. Breathe with me. Can you do that?”

His face is concerned, and it twists your stomach even further. He shouldn’t be doing this. You should remember how to fucking breathe on your own. But then again, isn’t that why he’s here anyway? Because you can’t do shit on your own? Can’t hold boundaries, can’t stay in school or keep it together. Can’t live somewhere nicer where you don’t smell the stomach-turning stench of the sink’s old plumbing next to you, metallic and stale. And definitely can’t even remember how to mind your business or breathe like a person. 

You rush down the hall, into the living room, snapping the book off the couch. You shove it behind a cushion. 

Your father walks in the door, and from the look on his face, you can tell the presentation didn’t go well. 

“What’s all this?” he snaps, and gestures to the left-out vacuum and the bucket of water you’d gathered earlier. All the bubbles from the soap have long popped, leaving a heavy, sickening floral scent in the room from the solution. 

“I, oh–”

“Your daughter spent all day reading instead of doing her chores. So unless you have a McDonald’s hamburger in your briefcase, we have nothing for dinner.” Your mother interjects, huffing as she heads into your parents bedroom and slams the door behind her.  

Your father’s eyes narrow, and this is how it begins. He and your mother slamming, stomping, hitting, and crashing in every interaction they have with an inanimate object around you.

He chucks his suitcase onto the table of the small dining area, then whips open the fridge door a few feet away. 

“Y/N, come here.” 

You tiptoe in behind him, needing desperately to do the opposite of him, to show that you aren’t mad that they’re mad. That you understand exactly what you did wrong. 

But it doesn’t matter, does it? They’re going to show you anyway. He moves aside and you peer into the fridge. 

“What do you see in there?” he asks, restrained. 

“Um, some celery, lettuce, dressing, milk…”

He growls, indicating that this isn’t the right answer. You’re wrong again. “Food, Y/N. This is food. That your mother and I work hard to put on the table so you can sit around and read your books. Food that needs to be eaten. Do you understand?” 

You say nothing. You know the question is rhetorical. 

“So, when we ask so little of you to simply take the food out of the freezer or fridge and thaw it, how can it be so hard? Hm? Here let me show you.” 

He reaches in, and begins pulling and pulling the veggies, marinades, dressings, milk, eggs, cheeses and meats, and crowding the counter top. You’re frozen, unable to walk away, to ask him to stop. 

When he’s done, he looks at you. 

“See? Not so hard, huh? And if you were helpful to us, none of this would have happened. Honestly, your selfishness sometimes,” he says. “Now, go get me that book of yours. I think you know you haven’t earned it right now.” 

You should go peel it out from under the couch cushions. Should hand it to him, then put all the groceries back away, because you know he’s not going to do it with you here. You should apologize. Accept punishment.

But instead, you’re nauseous and shaking and sobbing. 

He waits expectedly. And then he shoves past you to your room, beginning to hunt through your clothes on the floor, under your bed. 

“Where is it Y/N?” 

You don’t follow him. Instead, you run. You grab the book from behind the cushion, shove your shoes onto your feet and run into the heat of the ending day with it in your hands, the heat from the sidewalk still boiling up underneath you. 

Your parents don’t run out the door or into the street behind you. They stay in your home, possibly putting it back together. But you don’t care. You run, until you see the light of the convenience store and your lungs feel like they’re going to collapse. 

Inside the cool air, Wonwoo is helping his father place drinks from their crates into the refrigerator. His eyes are wide as you plow in. 

You have so much you want to tell him, so much worry in your chest. Your cheeks are hot and your body is sweaty. Nothing is coming out. Just the hum of the fridges, and Wonwoo’s father rushing to get his mother. 

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo asks, and you can’t do anything to answer, just stare at his soft face as you well up with tears. You shove the book toward him wordlessly. 

“Y/N, what’s going on?” he asks again, and you inhale steeply but choke on the air. A bubble of saliva clods your tongue. 

“Please, take this. Hide it,” you urge. He holds his hands out and takes the book. 

“Um, okay. Tuck Everlasting, I’ve never read this one.” He looks back up at you and winces. 

“Hey, hey, breathe Y/N. You need to breathe.” 

Seokjin is standing in front of you, coaxing breaths from you, wasting his time after cooking you dinner like it’s something you deserve. Like you’re not just doing all of this anyway because you can’t control yourself to not have feelings for him. Tears singe your eyes and you gasp another shallow breath. 

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. I’m not mad. I promise I’m not mad.” Seokjin breaks through your thoughts, his voice gentle, and almost like he hears you in this silent exchange, some constant that is numbing this spiral. You feel yourself inhale a little more fully as you understand he’s not upset or annoyed. “Good, you’re doing good. Let’s breathe another breath, okay?” 

You can’t look away. Even if you wanted to, Seokjin’s touch is keeping you focused completely on him, his soft and kind eyes, his plush lips that he’s holding in a slight frown that won’t shake. One that you can tell is worry. 

“Another breath, sweetheart. Good, good girl. That’s really good, Y/N. Okay, keep doing that for a second okay?” One hand releases from your cheek, and you find yourself pressing harder into the other, needing him to touch you and keep guiding you back, needing that security of him. 

He doesn’t move it away, in fact he pushes himself closer, holds the weight of you in his palm tenderly, and then you see in your periphery what he moved to get: a glass of water. 

“I want you to take three small sips of this for me, okay? Slowly.” He holds the rim of the cup up to your lips, tilting it slightly. You open your mouth slightly, letting a trickle of cold water flood into the hot cavern of your mouth, extinguishing so much of the tight, fiery panic that moves through the rest of your body. 

You do as he says, sipping and swallowing slowly until he pulls the glass away and sets it down behind you. 

“You with me?” he whispers, and you breathe. 

“Yes,” you say. 

“Can I touch your arm?”

You’re not sure why he’s asking, so you knit your brow and gaze up at him, confused. 

“What?”

“Can I touch your arm? I want to move us out of the kitchen and into your bedroom if that’s okay?” His voice is still quiet, and you realize that the hum of the light is so loud it’s almost drowning him out, almost drowning you again. 

Your eyes flash wide and you nod. You see him relax a little, and slowly Seokjin untangles the web of your bodies away from the kitchen, into the cool air of your living room. Why is it so cold? 

Seokjin guides you through it, and through the doorway to your bedroom. Before you even realize it, he’s unbuttoning his pink shirt and draping it over you. 

“Is this okay? You’re shaking.” 

You go to tell him yes, of course it’s okay, and then notice your teeth are gritted tight from trying not to chatter. 

You take another breath. “Yes,” you squeak. 

He pulls down the duvet and gestures for you to sit. “I’m going to put this blanket on you so I can help you warm up.” You feel the soft, heavy weight and start to feel a little better. But without Seokjin holding you, tethering you back into your body, you feel like you might float away any second. You shoot him a panicked look and he seems to understand, drawing the blanket back so he is also swaddled in it, the two of you knee to knee as he pinches the blanket closed with his fist. 

“You can touch me if you’d like,” he says, and this, you realize, is what you need. 

You immediately shift forward, putting your face into his white t-shirt, inhaling that minty, fresh cologne he wears. You can feel his chest rising and falling slowly, evenly, and you match your breathing to his, hoping soon your heartbeat slows to the same rate. Your hands twist into his shirt but it’s not enough. You find one of his hands and take it, lacing your fingers together and resting them in your lap. 

The heaviness is nice, stabilizing, but you know you still need something more. 

“Seokjin?” Your voice sounds foreign to you. 

“Yeah?” 

“Will you hold me for a minute?” 

His hand untangles from yours and he moves to place it around your back, but with you two cross legged and facing each other, it’s an awkward embrace. 

“I’m sorry, this is such a weird position. If you’re okay with it, you can sit in my lap? If you want? And then I can just hold you for a second?” 

You nod and sit up, unfolding your legs and wiggling yourself up so you are on his lap. You wrap your legs around his back, then your arms. And then you feel his arms around you, his fingers lazily tracing the length of your spine. 

You feel yourself sinking deeper back into the safety of your body. 

You both sit like this for a long time. So long that you feel yourself starting to grow hazy and sleepy. Seokjin is warm and soft and so soothing. You feel like you’re untangling from a sharp web that has been trapping you for a long time. And when your alarm for your stream goes off, you turn off your phone. 

“You okay?” Seokjin asks and you huff out a sigh. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry for all the dramatics.” You slide yourself out of his grip and flop back onto your bed, propping yourself up on your elbow. 

“What do you mean? You weren’t being dramatic, Y/N, you had a panic attack.” 

“Yeah, over asking you a highly personal question I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry for that too.” 

“I’m not-it’s-look. Panic attacks aren’t ever just one thing. It’s always a compounding of stress and anxiety and other thoughts and feelings. You just came across the one thought or feeling that forced everything to collapse. And I can guess based on how much you’re apologizing, it was probably you doing that shit inside and beating yourself up that knocked all the rest of this stuff down. I told you, I’m not mad. Or insulted that you asked.” 

He goes on. “Which, by the way, I’m not bi or gay. I’m very straight. But that’s not the point. The point is, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You asked me a question. I have a right to choose to answer it or not. So there’s your answer. And also, you are never dramatic to me. Panic attacks are fucking scary; you felt like you were dying, right?” 

You nod. “Drowning, yeah.” 

He gives you a sympathetic smile. “Yeah, those things are no joke. But you came out on the other side of it.”

“Not without your help though. You seem like you know a lot about these when they happen. Do you get them too?” 

He flushes. “Uh, no, I don’t personally. My friend Yoongi has them sometimes. He taught me a lot about how to help him with them. The cold water trick really is from him. And then also when Soon Yi and I were together, she would have them, but those were a bit different.” He looks down at his hands. 

Soon Yi. So that’s her. The person Seokjin has often stopped himself talking about. The one who his parents would occasionally refer to as “that woman” during shifts when he wasn’t around. No one ever said her name, almost like she was some kind of curse and you always were curious why. You assumed she must be the devil incarnate the way his mother would sling a bunch of insults after she was mentioned, but the way Seokjin now says her name so casually, so personally, you aren’t entirely sure if he sees her that way. 

Parents usually carry a greater grudge than their child who was hurt. Your own father has told you on various occasions that the guy you dated for one summer in undergrad, who coincidentally is his barber’s nephew, will never be allowed in his house ever again. Forget the fact that there’s no reason he would be invited over in the first place. Whenever you’re catching up with your parents on the phone, if he has recently visited his barber, he’s sure to bring it up. “Scum is never allowed in my house! He will just drag his filth in with him!”

Thinking of your father and mother right now forces you to wince. Maybe it’s the freshness of these memories, of you realizing now that what happened to you that day as a child wasn’t you being dramatic, as they had insisted even after you’d gotten home. Everything had been put back into place when you’d returned after the sunset, even the bucket and vacuums put away. Your parents never apologized or talked about it again. 

And your friend, she didn’t talk to you after that either, claiming you were flaky and rude for blowing her off. 

Your father doesn’t even refer to your ex by name, similar to Seokjin’s mother. “That Woman”. “Scum”. If there was ever a name tied to these people, it’s clearly gone in the haze of whatever angry frenzy your parents carry. “Scum” also didn’t even do anything wrong. You broke things off with him, but because you came home crying after the breakup, now that is his legacy. 

But Seokjin’s mother, how she behaves, you’re not sure that it’s for the same reasons. You’ve seen firsthand how much she adores her children, and “adoration” is a word you aren’t so sure applies to your family.

Soon Yi, too, it’s clear she was not just a blip on the screen in Seokjin’s life. The hushed, angry chatter between his parents, the way his mother would often get so worked up she would start punching her shoulder and clicking her tongue, saying she needed to go sit down. That’s not a Scum-level relationship. You wonder how close she was to Seokjin. Closer than you two are becoming, clearly. 

“Soon Yi,” you repeat to yourself, still lost in the haze of putting things together.

“Um, my ex.” Seokjin says, and you feel heat rise in your cheeks as you realize he heard you. “We were engaged. For a while.” 

“Oh.”

You want to ask how long he means by a while? Did they break up right before you joined the restaurant? Or was this from many years ago? It’s odd in a way to think of how Seokjin has lived a completely different life from the time before you knew him. He loved someone, enough to marry them, to start a life together, to know she had panic attacks and how to help her. 

Did he place her in his lap the same way he did with you? Did he sit with her in the dull winter light of their bedroom and talk like this? 

He had to have. Why wouldn’t he? Your stomach dips. Were you under some impression that this thing you’re experiencing–the closeness of his body, the soft thrum of his heart, that tiny whistle in his throat that breaks through the room as he speaks–would be special?   

The dim light of the lamp on your bedside table makes the deep browns of his eyes look even darker, and he watches you as you stretch your legs out in front of you, your foot shifting a bit to rest up against his thigh. His eyes flicker toward it and then back to you.

“How, when did you guys break up? I didn’t know you were engaged,” you ask gently. He sighs, and then slumps a bit, the careful, rigid posture he was holding for so long finally loosening a bit with his exhale. He bends his knees and pulls his legs up, glancing to the other side of your bed. 

You pat the spot next to you, turning over so he knows it’s no imposition. 

And it’s not, not in the slightest. If you weren’t so fried and exhausted after that panic attack, your brain might try to imbue some innuendo into this moment, but for now, this is all you can do, and you want that ache in your stomach to go away. You want to feel like this is special. 

Seokjin flops down into the pile of oddball plushies and pillows next to you and you snort, smiling as he carefully tucks the plushie he smashed in his landing into his arms. 

“I’m sure my parents have talked about her enough times for you to know everything,” he scoffs. 

“Not really. I didn’t know her name. I just thought she was some girlfriend you had that she hated because she was keeping you away from her. You know, the same way your mother also says that the really old lady down the road who sells flowers keeps your dad away from her.”

He smirks at this, and his fingers rove over the marble eyes of the plushie. 

“My mother would blame the sun if it kept her family away from her. She’s been messaging the group chat nonstop for updates from my hyung’s wife about the pregnancy. And she’s supposed to be somewhere in Iceland right now on a cruise. Honestly I wish she would just enjoy herself.” 

“Well, she cares. About you especially. Which is maybe why she didn’t air all of your business to me when I was mopping the floors and she counted down the drawers. She just would say that I would be better than “That Woman” but I think she might think anyone would be better than her.” 

“She said that to you? Ugh, eomma.”

She did, one late night, when Seokjin left early for “something urgent”. His mother alleged that he was dating a secret new girlfriend that he kept under wraps. 

“Honestly, he acts as if I’m going to eat her alive or something. Tsk. That son of mine, both he and his brother are going to send me to an early grave. Behind my back like this when I’m getting older by the minute. Ever since he and that woman broke up, he shut down. I tried to set him up with someone and he kept saying no! That he would find someone. But if she was any better than the others, wouldn’t he have brought her around by now,” she’d said.  

She slammed some coins back into the register. You jumped at the sound. 

She sighed. “You know what he needs? Someone like you. Someone with vision! That woman never had any of that. So much more focused on status. You’re not like that Y/N. I can tell. And that’s exactly why I hired you. You can’t teach someone that as an adult. They either have it or don’t, and you. You’ve got exactly it.” 

You didn’t really know what “it” was, but you didn’t argue, and soon she moved on to complain about something else. 

Now, knowing Seokjin’s secret, you think you know where he went that night, and it definitely wasn’t to go hide in his lover’s house. Chances were, he was streaming. And that also would explain why he shut down on her so quickly. You can’t imagine Mrs. Kim’s reaction if she found out Seokjin was a gay cam streamer. Despite being straight.  

It dawns on you. You’d been so distracted with that panic attack that you forgot already that Seokjin is in fact interested in women. Solely. Enough to have been engaged to one. 

“But, back to your story,” you prod, trying to distract yourself from the fact that now none of this feels like just friends sharing. Seokjin hisses in some air as if he agrees. 

“Right. Well, Soon Yi and I were together really in college and on. We started dating really young. Just two kids. And then we just kind of stuck together? She and I were together for a long time before I got the nerve to propose. And then…” He trails off, his face now a deeper blush. Is he embarrassed? 

You lick your lips, ready to tell him he doesn’t have to share, but he waves his hand to quiet you. 

“She cheated on me. With my boss. We were in the midst of planning the wedding and everything. I was supposed to get this big promotion at the end of some large conferences. But, I don’t know. We had grown apart. Suddenly we didn’t see eye-to-eye on anything.”

Your jaw drops, caught on that larger detail. “She cheated on you with your boss? After all that time? God, Seokjin, I'm so sorry. That’s awful.”

He smiles and nods. “That’s not even the worst part,” he says. His smile grows bigger, like this is some huge joke. “She cheated on me multiple times with him while I was away. And I caught them. Uh, you know. On my dining room table when I came back early to surprise her. I did not get the promotion by the way. But, she actually has a baby, or I guess a toddler, with him now. I heard she’s pregnant again, they’re married. It’s all some surreal life. And now I’m here.” 

“Um, you’re right, it was worse than that.” You’re really not sure what to say. Seokjin’s becoming harder to read by the second, turning this conversation into some big joke when it’s not really funny to you on your end. Maybe he’s processed it enough by now, but based on how tightly he’s now squeezing your alpaca plushie, you would wager that he doesn’t really find it funny either. 

“Is this,” you take a breath. “Is this why the other night you said you were a failure? Because of what happened with Soon Yi?” 

“Partly. I mean, it’s not like I did too great of a job keeping her satisfied. She clearly found other ways to do that.” He laughs darkly. 

“That’s not how that works you know,” you say. His eyebrows lift. 

“What do you mean?”

“What you just said. Keeping her satisfied. Isn’t it the job of being a human to keep ourselves satisfied? Find things with meaning and joy? It’s not your fault that she chose to do that. To cheat on you, to not be honest when she started feeling differently. She could have told you at any point. Did she?” 

He sighs. “Not really, no. Soon Yi wasn’t great at communicating with me about things like that. For so long, we just knew what the other person needed. Because we’d been together since we were so young, we had come up with some other kind of language. And my friends, too, they were in on it. She was not always going to tell someone how she felt but she would show them. For Jungkook’s 21st birthday she threw him an “American Stereotype” themed birthday which he was always obsessing over from the videos. Bought a bunch of red solo cups, they played that Miley Cyrus song and bought a bunch of discounted Fourth of July partyware. She was one of us.”

Even now, despite everything, Seokjin is speaking so kindly about someone who hurt him. And honestly, it throws you. You are so used to the men you’ve been around talking so poorly of their exes that you didn’t know someone could experience such a negative thing and not immediately resort to extreme name calling. 

That’s just how good Seokjin is. Enough to not be mad at you for asking questions, for panicking. Enough to speak kindly about others even if it might be eating at him. 

“That doesn’t mean it was your fault though,” you stifle a yawn. He cocks an eyebrow. 

“Maybe we should shelve this conversation for another time,” he says. 

“No, no, I want to hear. I want to know all of it.”

“You were supposed to start your scheduled stream an hour ago.” 

“Change of plans. I’m not streaming tonight.”

“Do your subs know that?” 

“Don’t call them that. They’re subscribers not subs. Sub is something you do.”

Jesus. Please don’t let him cling to that. Please don’t let that give away that I know. 

“Pfft. Okay, do your subscribers know you’re not streaming anymore?”

You roll your eyes, knowing he’s created this distance on purpose and now the moment has passed. 

Fine, you’ll get more from him about this eventually. You need to understand how Soon Yi impacted him. You don’t really know why, but you can’t help but feel like knowing more might make you feel less uneasy about all of this. About you and Seokjin and what this could all maybe mean someday. 

“I can post about it,” you say softly and he nods. 

“That might be a good idea. You’ve had a big day. A big panic attack, you probably need some sleep.” 

Your stomach sinks at the idea that he might leave after this, and you’re still not sure you want to be alone. You chew your lip.“What I really need is some pizza,” you say. 

Seokjin smirks. “Good thing for you, I know exactly where we can find some.”  

“Thank you again for the pizza,” you said, nibbling on the edge of one crust. “I didn’t think I could be that hungry after eating so much earlier.”

Seokjin took another swig of beer, shrugging. “Well, you’ve had a big day, and you burned energy and probably calories earlier.” 

Your panic attack may have seemed to you like it was coming out of nowhere, but to Seokjin, it wasn’t. He had noticed your embarrassment the second after you asked him that question, saw you spiral inside yourself as you tried to huff air. He wasn’t sure what really triggered it, but he also knew he didn’t want to leave you after that. 

He wasn’t unfamiliar to them. Yes, Yoongi had his share, and it took a little while to learn what ways he could be soothed. Soon Yi’s were different, though. A lot more similar to yours. 

When they had started experimenting sexually, there would be times in which she would fall so quickly into panic, like she couldn’t give up control. And from that point on, sometimes she would spiral deeper, into some pit of shame where whatever they were doing, even if it wasn’t super kinky, led to these shaking, sub-drop-like breakdowns. They were more rare, but they did happen, especially earlier in their relationship. 

At the time, Seokjin didn’t understand what was going on, and neither did Soon Yi. Just that she sometimes would flip on him during foreplay when he would get a little more confident and dominant, or if he started falling into a scene that she had asked them to do, using the script the way she asked, it would happen anyway. Almost like she was fighting between what she wanted and who she expected herself to be. 

And that’s in a way how you seemed to be too. Maybe you weren’t like this sexually, and he would unpack that idea later. But in this intimate space of your home, it was like Seokjin was experiencing some type of whiplash as you went from being so uncomfortable about asking about his sexuality to you lying next to him in your bed talking about his ex. 

He wasn’t mad, not in the slightest. He understood that especially after a panic attack, people were desperate for closeness and intimacy, and whatever reaction he had to your panic, you felt soothed and safe with him. He was being let into your world little by little, even if you were fighting yourself to let it happen. 

He wanted that. He wanted this: you two eating cold pizza on the floor of your living room, you chewing happily and Seokjin warm and full of life watching you do it. 

You even let him make adjustments to your space, laughing and applauding him after he ripped some of the clean cardboard from one of the pizza boxes and made shims to prop up and balance your oven and fridge. He found if he scooted the couch slightly to the left and your entertainment system got turned a few inches, you could completely see the TV from anywhere on the couch. You dove to the other side almost immediately, whooping when you realized you wouldn’t have to strain yourself to see anymore. 

You were comfortable. He made you comfortable. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” you said, your hand caressing over the soft roll of your stomach to demonstrate how full you were. Then, a deep burp echoed into the room. Your eyes widened. “Oh, wow, sorry. Excuse me,” you said suppressing a chuckle. 

But Seokjin was already laughing, his body shaking at the sound. “So polite for someone who made that noise.” 

The tenseness in your shoulders fell and you gave in, laughing next to him. “Listen! It was good, and the carbonation of the beer is making me have to burp!” 

“Sure, sure. That’s what it is. You know I’ve seen those memes about how women don’t fart or burp or poop and I’m onto you! You have one strike. If you fart or shit I’m going to prove that meme false.” 

You scoff, tears leaking out the side of your eyes. “Well good thing for you, I will not deny those allegations. I don’t just poop, I shit.” 

Seokjin choked on his next sip of beer, spluttering some of it out of his nose. “Oh shit.” Tears flowed from his eyes from the sting, and he grasped for some napkins near the pizza. 

You weren’t much better off, coughing heavily into your shirt as you tried to recover. This, this was everything he could ever want. Afterward, you both cleaned up the kitchen and pizza together, finishing off the six-pack of beer until your yawns were impossible to ignore. 

“It’s really late, Y/N. You should go to sleep,” he said. He hated himself for suggesting it, almost wishing that you would extend the invitation to stay. Even then, though, he would have to decline.

“Or we could, I don’t know, play a game or something?” As you said this, you stifled another yawn. 

He chuckled. You were stalling, he could tell. And he wasn’t strong enough to say no. “Hm, okay how about this. We can hang out in your room and I’ll tell you more about me. But you have to get ready for bed first, otherwise it’s no deal.” 

Your eyelids were heavy, but you beamed anyway. “Yeah, okay.”

You went into your room, grabbing some clothes before shutting yourself into the bathroom to get ready. Seokjin paced your living room, scanning the book shelves, a variety of titles he’d never seen before in the stacks. But there was one, a smaller and thinner book that had more wear and tear than the rest. He slid it out carefully and held it in his hands. Tuck Everlasting, a book he’d read in elementary school about a teenager who met a family that drank from a tree’s magical spring and lived forever. 

Based on your copy, he could tell it was well-loved and read many times. How old were you when you read it, he wondered. Did you want to run away into the woods like he did afterward, trying to find a magical spring of your own? 

The bathroom door opened, and he carefully slotted the book back onto the shelf before turning to you. You were wearing an oversized T-shirt and some very, very short pajama shorts. Your legs looked so soft to touch. His hand twitched.

“Okay,” you said, “I’m ready.” 

Seokjin wasn’t. But he followed you into the darkness of your room anyway, laid himself down next to you on the bed as you tucked yourself under the blankets. Your eyes shimmered as you looked at him, now way more awake than you had appeared just ten minutes ago. 

Were you hustling him? 

“You need to crawl under the blankets too. Otherwise they’ll constrict me and I will absolutely not fall asleep like you have clearly planned,” you tease. 

You were hustling him. He liked it. 

He chuckled and obeyed, folding back the comforter and sheets to get in. But in doing so, he revealed you with your shorts already bunched up on your thighs, exposing your lacy panties at your hip. Your shirt was riding up, and he could see a tiny bit of your stomach peeking out. 

God fucking help him. He managed a deep breath, begging himself not to get hard, or for his body to at least wait until you wouldn’t see him getting hard and he was under the covers. This wasn’t the time. Not after all the emotionality of the day. But his dick didn’t know that. 

Your covers smelled like you, soft and even a little sweet and you really had to be fucking with him because you shoved yourself even closer to him under the covers, so that there were just a few inches between you two. He felt your body heat radiating from you. 

“There,” you sighed, and he smelled a hint of your mint toothpaste. His mouth watered. “Now, where were we?”

No, but where were you really? He didn’t remember, didn’t know where to start. And then it clicked. 

“Mmm, you were going to go to sleep I think,” he said. 

You frowned, your nose wrinkling. “No, that’s not true. Or it was. I’m not tired now.” 

“Give it a minute, I’m sure soon your eyelids won’t be able to stay open.” 

“Sure, but yours are heavy now too. So you must be tired. Now it’s a competition.” You were right. His eyelids were heavy, and he was tired. But he knew his body, especially as keyed up as he was getting, wasn’t about to let him fall asleep any time soon. 

“I think I’ll win that one,” he laughed lightly. 

“Doubt it,” you challenged, and you shifted your legs, now a little less comfy and more antsy. You slowly released a breath. 

“Are you sure you want to do this right now?” He asked, and you didn’t hesitate to nod. 

“I want to know more about you. It’s nice to put the puzzle pieces of you together in my head.” Your voice was growing husky.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay,” you replied. A beat passed. Neither of you moved to say anything, just looked at each other. 

Shouldn’t this be awkward? Shouldn’t all of this feel wrong? Somewhere in his mind, the logical response was yes, this is weird and he should leave. But then he would be leaving you after a hard day, when you clearly were trying to avoid him leaving by going so far as to keep yourself awake to stare at him. To try to get to know him. And that’s what rooted him now. He couldn’t leave even if he wanted to. Maybe you were only being needy. But he also felt needy right now. And for the moment, logic could fuck off. 

So he pushed it away, letting the parts of him he liked most bubble to the surface, the parts that led without overthinking and just acted on what he wanted. 

He moved slightly closer to you, and you blanched, a little taken aback, but you recovered quickly. “

I’m cold,” you said. He knew it was a lie. He could feel the heat of you. 

“Here,” he replied, and he pulled the blanket open slightly so you could wiggle forward, resting yourself against his chest. 

He angled himself carefully, trying so hard to avoid the rest of your bodies touching, but it was impossible, so he pulled you closer, letting every part of you rest against him. 

“Tell me,” you muttered.

“What should I tell you?” he whispered back. 

“I don’t know. Anything.” You were fading quickly, and he was relieved. Sad that he would have to go soon, but relieved that you were finally resting. 

“Okay,” he said, even softer. “I think if I ever drank from a magical spring, I would do a better job hiding it than the Tuck family did.” 

You hummed in response, and then he felt your head nod into his chest as you fell fully asleep. 

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

[bts-hyperfixation]

Alright Darling, I won't deny that this insert ask is totally about me. It would just be a straight up lie. Headcannon reactions for BTS with a female partner who doesn't have a submissive bone in her body. Now normally this sort of ask is about presuming that BTS is sub or dom as per our request wishes. This, isn't that. How do you think each member would react as per how YOU see them, sub, dom, switch or none of the above? How would each member make a relationship work with a woman who won't kneel or sub, because it just isn't who she is? Do the subs celebrate? Do the switches go with the flow and enjoy themselves when they're in a subby headspace? Are the doms able to put that kink away for love? Do the non-bdsm ones (kink is not just about power exchange bdsm btw) just shrug and not care? How does each member navigate this?🌹

Namjoon: besides enjoying being called sir or daddy I don't think the Dom lifestyle really suits him anyway. And I feel like even someone with no submissive bones can call him sir on his birthday, even if they both laugh from the absolute absurdity of immediately afterwards. He is into other kinky stuff more anyway. Sex outside during picnics, recording sex on old school cameras, and on the lighter side of things... Nylons. (Man loves a good pair of thighs in pretty tights or thigh highs and garters?

Seokjin: If this man was ever going to be a dom it'd be a service Dom anyway. So he's probably not fussed. Although there is a little part of his brain that makes him want to see you kneel, So he is just obnoxiously pleasant to you some days to the point where you have no option other than to give him a blowjob and he requests that you kneel on the floor while he sits on the bed. And because he's such a good boy you do it.

Yoongi: doesn't really strike me as into the whole BDSM scene just as a whole. He enjoys cuddly sex on most occasions. However, when working on a new mixtape and everything is about high adrenaline and loud beats he is in for mutually destructive rough sex at most points. Maybe to a point where he and his partner get so involved in it the partner ends up making him submit for them.

Hoseok: A little bit disappointed to begin with. But I think he comes up with creative ways to get around the issue. He likes to have someone submit to him but he also doesn't mind a fight. Could quite possibly get really into roleplay where it's a situation where he is trying to make them submit but they doesn't actually have to submit. Think roleplay of interrogation where he is a bad cop and they are a very stubborn criminal.

Jimin: fucking elated. How far can he push you? What can he brat about. You better enjoy being a brat tamer though because that is what you're getting. He likes to push back and pretend he's a little dominant. Try to put you in your place just to be put in his as fast as humanly possible.

Taehyung - BDSM is not for him. He doesn't give a s*** about rough sex in any way. I think He is more into body worship so as long as his partner is comfortable with that he is fine. What happily spent hours massaging somebody's feet to unwind himself at the end of a long day. Also get off on people watching him masturbate so I think that plays nicely into the dom feelings that his partner would have.

Jungkook: not into the rough side of BDSM, not a masochist or a sadist fan. But domination is something he probably craves. Like he probably enjoys playing the dominant character every now and again, but I don't believe that it's his baseline. Therefore, I think he would be perfectly happy with an exclusively dominant partner.

New request form opened on Google forms if you have any drabble or one shot requests

If you have any most deletes or small reactions, keep sending them to my ask box

[dontmakemerightx]

soooo now I'm curious, daddy. Do you have a favorite bts song? Or solo song if you listen to them? I think that's soo hard. Maybe top 3 if you're unsure? You wanna know mine too? Love your blog so much!

Uhh, you got me there. Now I'm listening to them, trying to pick.

So I'd say Ddaeng is my good mood song, same as Pied Paper, those I listen to the most. The third one would be 00:00 then.

For the solo stuff it might be j-hope - Arson; Jungkook - My Time, Still With You; Jimin - Vibe (ik it's a lot Taeyang but I've listened to it so much when it came out); RM - Lonely, Persona, Sexy Nukim (hello??); Taehyung - Snow Flower (it's my christmas song), Singularity; Jin - Epiphany. I guess I've answered Suga before on this blog but it changes, so for now I'd say The Last, First Love, Snooze. But yeah, all that he does resonates with me, so everything he's done is my favorite.

Have to admit though, I haven't listened to Jungkook's album yet, just the singles. Haven't listened to RM's new album too but the snippets I've heard sound fire.

That was long. I love talking about music though. So yes, what are your favorites? ♡

[giventae]

You're my baby

When Yoongi gets a little pouty over how much Jin coddles the other members, it's up to Jin to remind Yoongi just how much he takes care of him