#I called my family today
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i sincerely don’t belong anywhere.
#I called my family today#because I’m too mentally ill to be on my own#and I just want to go home#and my sister acted like she didn’t want me to come back#what is wrong with me#I wasn’t made for this world I guess#but I keep going#I won’t be defeated#but fuck#it hurts so much#to truly not belong anywhere#to be outcasted everywhere#to be so unloved#one would think I’d be used to it by now#but it still hurts#so fucking much#it’s not a feeling I’ll ever get over#…#personal#my post
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this just in: danny fenton is just as much of a mask as Brucie Wayne? - another danyal al ghul au
Turns out, being placed in a civilian family who have no knowledge of your background is actually detrimental to the health and development of a child assassin due to lack of proper support! Surrounded by strangers in a foreign city, Danyal Al Ghul does as assassins do best. He hides. Espionage is one of many teachings one learns in the League, and it only takes half a day for Danyal to construct a new persona to hide behind: Daniel Fenton.
By the time dinner rolls around, Danyal al Ghul is safely and securely tucked behind the face of Danny Fenton; brand new adoptive child of the Fenton family who came from overseas. A shy, quiet little boy with a thick accent and curly hair, with brown skin and blue eyes, and an avid interest in the stars. The best fictions are always cobbled together in a little bit of truth, it's some of the only truth he ever lets through. He apologizes in a meek voice for his behavior early, he didn't mean to be rude, and he watches the three of them eat it up with coos.
Lies roll like silk against his lips, he struggles to meet their eyes and offers them his weakest, shyest smile. It's too easy. It's easy to go from there.
Danny Fenton, adoptive son, shy and awkward and unconfident but friendly. Who struggles in his classes and isn't the brightest, but tries his hardest. He makes bad jokes and has a quick tongue and a sarcastic mouth. He wants to be an astronaut. He's got the best aim in school, and is a terrifying dodgeball player. He's one of the least athletic kids in his grade.
It's like playing two truths and a lie, but there's only one truth, and the rest are lies. It's easy to pretend when he knows it's insincere.
Danyal Al Ghul, grandson to the Demon Head. Deadly, trained assassin. Has spilled blood, has had blood spilt from. Environmentalist, animal activist. He loves the stars. He owns a calligraphy set. A sharp tongue, an even sharper blade. He's clever, quick-witted, he would be top of his grade if he tried harder. He purposely doesn't.
He misses his family. He misses his mother, and he misses his brother. Mother visits a few times a year, so few times that he can count it on both hands. He cherishes every visit, as brief as they are. It helps remind him who he is.
Sam and Tucker are Danny's best friends. They've never met Danyal, but Danyal's met them.
It becomes routine to become Danny Fenton. As familiar and as easy as pulling on a shirt in the morning. Danyal wakes up and is always first to the bathroom in the mornings; stares at himself in the mirror until he can finally see Danny staring back at him. At night, he locks his door and sheds the mask.
Dying throws a wrench in his mask; splits a crack straight through the porcelain. He's able to smooth it over with sandpaper and liquid gold, but it's a little hard keeping his ghost form under wraps. It instinctively wants to shift to show his true self. Danyal can't have that, he's spent four years as Danny Fenton, he'll spend another four as him as well. Even if the feeling of the hazmat suit in his ghost form feels restrictive, like a too-small shirt suctioned to his skin that needs to be peeled off.
He'll live. Er-- well, you know what he means. It's frustrating however, trying to keep his Danny Fenton mask up even as Phantom - fighting in the air is something he needs to get used to, and the sudden propping of powers throws him off. But he is nothing if not adaptive, and he hates that he needs to slow his own skills down in order to keep pretenses up in front of Sam and Tucker.
The first time Danyal summons a sword when he's alone, is one of the few times Danyal gets to grin instead of Danny. He's fighting Skulker, and from an invisible hilt he draws a katana from thin air. It startles them both. Skulker takes a step back at the smile that spreads across his face.
They're both silent as Danyal examines his new sword.
"Do you know what people like me do to people like you, poacher?" Danyal finally asks him, the accent he began to hide a few months in slipping through. He drops all pretense, dragging the flat end of the blade slow and appreciatively against his palm. It's a good make, and when he cuts it through the air, it slices through like butter. He looks up at Skulker with a smile; "are you ready to find out?"
When Sam and Tucker ask about why Skulker seems so skittish around Danny now, Danny shrugs at them and says with a playful smile; "I don't know, I guess I kicked his butt too hard after our last fight." and he watches as Sam rolls her eyes exasperatedly, and Tucker snickers with his own joke.
By the time he reunites with Damian before their 15th birthday, Danyal is buried beneath so many layers of Danny Fenton that his brother will need a shovel to dig him out. He's not sure what he'll find.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul au#danyal al ghul#dpxdc prompt#dpxdc au#dc x dp crossover#dp crossover#demon twins au#so turns out putting an assassin child in a normal family does not actually fix the child. it may just make them worse. had this thought#today and had to extrapolate. i have a whole ass post in my drafts explaining my idea for this lmao. my thought was basically:#'damian would be the better off twin because he'd have actual proper support compared to danny bc the bats know damian's background and +#+ as a result can actually address the league's teachings properly and help him dismantle the lessons that have been ingrained in him +#+ as compared to danny who would be with a random family - regardless of affiliation - who would only be able to help with surface level +#stuff if danny even ever lets them see that. danny would need to dismantle his own mindset on his own if he even thinks he has to.'#jazz is not a reliable or licensed therapist. that is a child. she's not even implied to be a good one. psychoanalyzing people doesn't make#you a good therapist. it just means you can psychoanalzye people. and therapy only works on those who think they need it. danny would not#think he'd need it and any attempts from jazz to psychoanalyze him would just result in him shutting her out and doubling down on his belie#tldr: starry made another au exploring the psychological effects of growing up in the league and he calls it:#'whose the more adjusted twin? Damian or Danny? Lmao Damian ofc. Danny got screwed over'#rip to damian you have your work cut out for you trying to peel back all of your brother's protective layers. that's an iceberg waiting to#be explored. o7 to you champ your brother got the short end of the stick. danny has so many things to unlearn that i didn't go into here#its an actual demon twins au too! would ya look at that.
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it's so funny to me that caleb and veth really did just trade off the job of intensely pining for the other at like the halfway point of the campaign. like, imo, nott in the early days did not behave in any real romantic or even romance-adjacent ways toward him--I imagine it would be very hard to even think in that way when you hate what you look like so much, have such low self-esteem, and are actively lying about your entire past, including a secret husband. caleb, on the other hand, is kind of diving directly back into the sort of relationship he had with astrid and eadwulf. very close, very intimate, we-huddled-for-warmth-together-and-oops-it-led-to-something-else sort of thing. he is the one who expresses that he's fine with it if people think he and nott are romantically together when they're talking to keg. nott is the one who pushes back on that. he calls her his life partner. unknowingly, he compares his feelings for nott to nott's feelings for yeza. his behavior only really starts to change after he finds out about veth's husband because suddenly all of that other stuff is rendered inappropriate in retrospect. but even then he compliments her to yeza over dinner in the most awkward of ways, he admits to being jealous, he calls yeza "a lucky man" to have her, he stares at veth and yeza closed bedroom door for far too long, he creates an entire arcane tower with room for her family just so she'll stay with him. in general, his behavior is not, um, totally and completely platonic about it, you know?
like, veth's feelings for caleb are canonical and therefore indisputable in their existence, but caleb in the early days was not that dissimilar to how veth was acting near the end of the campaign. it really paints a picture of "right person, wrong time" in the way things just didn't line up for them. or, as veth would say: "in another world, maybe"
#i am actually thinking about this because my widobrave 2 poll had so many moments on it that caleb initiated#and i often see it remarked that people think widobrave is entirely one-sided and caleb only treats her as platonic or familial#which. my real answer is that it's just complicated and i don't think he'd ever admit to any romantic feelings being there#but i also. uh. i wouldn't call it platonic or familial. there is some holy fourth dimension that this relationship exists in istg#impossible to explain but it is NOT entirely platonic nor all that familial imo as it stands in canon#this is like. ONE piece of the meta I was trying to figure out how to phrase earlier today. bottom line of it was:#I don't think the caleb/veth romance is entirely one-sided but also it is so so complicated#their relationship changes SO many times. SO much. that's why it's so frustrating that fandom is stuck in episode 13 re: their dynamic#SO MUCH ABOUT THE DYNAMIC CHANGES AFTER EPISODE 13#even sam reigel himself on talks said there was no reason their relationship wouldn't change/evolve after that#and it did change! it really really did!#widobrave#the mighty nein#caleb widogast#veth brenatto#critical role#inaugurating the new url with a widobrave post. as it should be
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THEY SAY THERE IS A CARPENTER FROM THE PROVINCE PERFORMING MIRACLES IN THE CAPITAL
another scene and some sketches of the fake byzantine empire ocs! thomas is a carpenter, john is a merchant. there's an emperor (two, actually) in here, looming ominously over everything.
(I call it the fake byzantine empire because the setting is playing with byzantine history that spans across three centuries, but it's also pulling from things like Statius' Thebaid and later medieval literature. folk catholic horror, probably. doctrinal debates and schisms are in here)
on the topic of nameless and unknown saints, tho, sometimes I think about this excerpt from an essay in Closet Queeries and the time I was on my way to Tanjay and saw an abandoned chapel along a road with a statue of a saint I didn't recognize inside
Closet Queeries, essays by J. Neil C. Garcia
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!
#emphasizing the byzantine empire part lest someone call this bible fan art like what century do you think these things take#place in. come on#i will say there IS gospel narrative inspiration/parallels occurring in the story but it's NOT a 1-1 retelling in the slightest#we diverge heavily right before the pasyon arc because i have other shit i want to do#original tag#komiks tag#the carpenter & the merchant#ANYWAY i was visiting family in the ICU today so you will have to suffer my handwriting bc i simply do not feel like doing digital#lettering
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The funniest part about George's meltdown today is that it was wholly unnecessary.
All he had to do was come out today and go, "I said my side of the story in the stewards and obviously Max didn't take kindly to that but what's done is done and we'll move on."
But instead he tried to go scorched earth and it made him look so much worse.
#genuinely his hysterics today were on another level#he's basically trying to call Max a danger to the sport#and character assassinate him#which is rumored to be exactly what max took exception to at the stewards#so I guess for everyone who wanted to know what happened in the stewards#probably this#but worse because there weren't cameras#it's just a weird victim play by george#and i'm so confused by the desperation of both the pole and merc attacking Max#there's literally no fight between them#i just don't get it#maybe george just got too big for his britches after beating lewis#but c'mon my dude#ik I'm a Max fan so everyone will think I'm just incredibly biased#but misquoting exaggerating and making egregious accusations is a bad and very damgerous look#i mean to bring 2021 into it and imply Max would have gone after Masi is fucked up#especially since people did go after Masi and it was LH fans with death threats against him and his family#weird thing to casually forget there george#f1#max verstappen#george russell
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#I DROPPED MY PHONE AND IT WONT TURN ON#literally one of the worst things that could've happened to me today#i can't call my family for new yr!!#or my birthday!!#or do laundry bc everything is an app now!!#dude!!#trying my best to repress the panic rn#like ill def figure it out i just needed to vent#also my phone is android not apple so its cheap thank god lol#delete later
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It doesn’t really hit home how much I’ve screwed up at life until I realize I have literally no one I can call without hesitation about [problem]
#don’t talk to any high school friends anymore except for like a once a year text catch up with like 2 of them#don’t really talk to any college friends either even though it’s been less than a year????#and the last time I tried it did not help at all#the only friend I can think of who explicitly said I can call her whenever is really busy rn#and I tried to hash this out with her not too long ago so I don’t just wanna repeat myself#NOT comfy talking to family about this and anyway my brother reported another typical lack of communication skills moment that happened at#home today#hhhhhh#I never felt like I was doing anything wrong in the moment but apparently I am actually really bad at friends and relationships#and it’s not like anything bad has happened with friendships????#when it’s good it’s really good but no object permanence lmao#so anyways#I’m really glad the semester is about to start and I’ll be able to go to adoration and daily mass regularly again#feel like I am going INSANE#p
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15 Years
pairing:
dan howell/phil lester
summary:
Their lives, forever intertwined.
#*#dan and phil#phanfiction#phan#not long at all but after the today show interview this is all i could think about#i wrote this at 5 in the morning because of course i did#my writing#also the whole 'special friend' bit is something my family use to do around my queer relatives during the holidays#calling the partner of queer couples special friend wink wink and i felt compelled to use that in some way
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simself
#cus i got my hair cut#went to a new hairdresser and she gave me a fade#the back of my head is so COLD#this is queued i'll be on a plane when this goes up#i'll be in london for the weekend wahoo#soooo excited to see my family i haven't seen them since last june#my dads coming with me and we're going to a punk festival all day today#and i'm going to my fav vinyl shop#the owner has a one-eyed pomeranian called bob that just sits on the countertop#i'm gonna buy him a treat before i go in#been feeling really drained lately#this trip'll rejuvenate me#bye for now <3
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i am stuck in house with homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic racist incel and i am so fucking drained mentally
#i literally woke up today to calling gay people slurs and bashing queer people for no fucking reason#*to him calling#i want him to leave so fucking much..#and yes it's sadly my family member#but i refuse to even consider this trash my family
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I hope everyone whos walked behind me today has acknowledged the fact ive just been staring at rivals magneto for the past hour
#snap chats#new title at school ‘guy with the kirby geadphones and nice outfits and looks at pictures of magneto and professor x all day’#a friend invaded my Magneto Staring timr and assaulted my ears she was SO MEAN TO ME TODAY#she always mean to me tbh ….. she thinks im a weirdo for being an introvert like girl i cannot physically make you understand my brain#i asked the universe to be nice to me today and instead i get called an unlovable cat that’ll get returned to the shelter after a day OK#ALSO I TOLD HER I WAS 23 NEXT MONTH AND SHE SAID TWINK DEATH?????#THATS NOT. i was so appalled. what is she talking about im not ……. ok……….#had to delicately remind her she’ll be 23 soon too like Girl 💀💀💀💀💀#and then i told her i wad filipino and she was like ‘oh are you onea those whove never been to your home country’#ok well Miss Ma’am i regret to inform you the us of a IS my home country#its so lame tho cause all my sibs got to go to the philippines before i was born 😭😭😭😭 this family HATES ME#‘like idk just the way you talk….’ we TALK THE SAME. YOU AND I ARE ON THE EAST COAST /WHAT/#‘snap was this just an excuse to rant’ NO. i jus wanted to say i wanna play rivals ……. also eriks very handsome in that game….#but like we know that i can only repeat myself so many times …#anyway ima finish this fuckass lunch so i can actually finish my shit so i can MAYBE. look at magneto in-game BYE
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#family death tw#i have‚ still on my phone‚ a voicemail that my mother left me in 2009‚ after her mastectomy#she never got over the habit from the nokia days of feeling like she needed to shout on a cell phone#(you could hear her convos from three rooms away. you know the type.)#and there's a scratch in how she talks‚ presumably from a sore throat post-op#but she makes her voice light. 'it's MOM. i'm FINE. everyTHING WENT WELL.'#reassuring me‚ her teenager daughter living 4000 miles away#i'm in my thirties now#and one year ago today my mother stopped me after breakfast and said 'elizabeth i don't feel so well'#and died before lunch#i can try to tell you what i've learned this year: that you adjust to a new normal and then have to keep adjusting#how you spend a good chunk of your adult life being a caretaker and then have nothing to do with your hands#or how you never really stop mentally flagging things that you'd think they'd find interesting#or how strange it is to look at some family pictures and be the only living person in them#but mostly i'm so grateful i have that voicemail.#it's become one of the most precious things in the world to me.#'i'm feeLING PRETTY GOOD. quiT WORRYING. i'll be trying to call you laTER. LOVE YOU. BYE.'
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i am a mother (of my cats)
#BROOOO THE BABY HE HASN'T EVEN OPENED HIS EYES i am brimming with joy we were on call for like last 4 hours ahhhh maybe it's my periods but#i feel so emo. smaller than a palm of hand god#anyways today was lot i love how we have each other i love having friends as close if not closer than family she stays 90 percent of the#time with us we go to her at every slightest inconvenience or just the most random shit lol i love love
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#Polly polls#hair thing#hair band#I was just thinking abt this today so#personally growing up my family always called them hair things but hair band and tie were also used frequently
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Not naming names but one of my visiting relatives yesterday made a comment about referring to black people as 'Silverbacks'
And I was like, "If you call someone a gorilla, I think they should tear your arms off like one"
His laughter died. He did not make further racist comments
#i don't put up with that shit in my house!#also do you not realize that most of our neighbours are black!#and there's a couple Filipino families on our street to but like. bruh#we live in a multicultural society you can't be thinking and saying shit like that. my god#later my sister said something about people today being too sensitive and i told her it's not about being sensitive#it's about being respectful#and she was like 'i respect everybody!' and i said 'good. then we're on the same page'#now stop calling everything gay and using thr r-word then. but i didn't actually say that part#cuz i didn't want family baking day to devolve into an mma prize fight#mod post#family stuff#racism#i am not the perfect anti-racist or anything but i don't let people talk like that in my home
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I thought i escaped sims 4 but it's dragged my dumbass back again.
I hate this game. I need so many mods just to be able to just to fix it so i can play without being frustrated. but no matter how frustrated i get, i keep coming back : /
Anyways! Like my new little me? (i forgot what they're called. Avatar? *Shrug*) I'll put some more stuff (and doodles) about them under the cut
They're a candle! The body and oversize hoodie are all the wax and the undercut ponytail is the little flame (like Ember from Danny Phantom lol). Her feet are kinda goopy and her hands never show b/c the sleeves of the hoodie drip over them (sometimes driping off completely.)
i got kinda bored with my old one (drawing me but purple) so they got a little upgrade for my silly little personal doodles.
That is all : )
#random stuff#my doodles#idk what to call this#i will answer asks tomorrow#i started to do so today#but ran out of words halfway through#unfortunately i discovered the ultimate decades challenge in sims 4#which is fasinating me atm b/c it adds dice rolls to see if your sims live into each lifestage#and also the whole keeping track of how many years pass#i might keep this style of gameplay b/c i really like seeing how much time passes#and beign able to use my dice to add some randomness to my game is fantastic#it's been about 35 years in my game so far (with every 4 sim days being an approximate year)#my starting sim is now an exhausted 47 yo man#he had recently handed off his 'head of family' title to his only surviving son#but then the son died so he had to take it back#(i'm really hoping his grandson makes it to adulthood or i won't have an heir)#i'm pretty excited for the life and death expansion coming out soon#it goes well with this game since i'm gonna need those funerals lol#(also saw that your sims can have a baby with the grim reaper and that certainly has my attention : ) )#(that was one of the first things i tried to do when i first got the game)#(and i was so mad that it didn't work lol!)
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