#I barely made the 100 points I needed for actual story completion

[jensthwa]

mountebank chem pt. three (JYH x reader).

part of the love's an uncharted path universe ★.

SUMMARY:

* 𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤: 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐲. The first time you met Yunho, you knew he was going to be part of the biggest tragedy of your life: the loss of your freedom, of your free will. You didn't know why back then but what you did figure out is that you and Jeong Yunho were going to, eventually and very publicly, date each other at some point. Is that reason enough to hate his guts? Well, of course! Now, when the time comes to fulfill the prophecy, how the hell are you going to pull it off? And, most importantly, what do you need to do to not fall in love with him in the process?

PAIRING: rich!yunho x rich!reader.

GENRE: enemies to friends to lovers.

WORD COUNT: 16.5k (dear god).

WARNINGS: eventual SMUT ☽ (MINORS DNI) attempt !!! at comedy, this chapter is truly them being cute and barely fighting which is ???, healthy competition i think, they get a serious case of the silly goose at some point, mentions of drinking at some point, gyuri being an overprotective friend, meeting new people, emotional talk involving kids yall will see why, pet names (princess), descriptions of female and male anatomy, first kisses!! *the crowd cheers*, a little bit of dry humping... *the crowd boos* and unresolved feelings!!!! *the crowd AND y/n leave in angry tears*.

NOTES: hi everyone! here's part three of this mini series that is PART OF THE LOVE'S AN UNCHARTED PATH / SHOW & TELL UNIVERSE. so, so sorry it took so long but i had a bit of a writer's block these past months :(. there's mentions of the last installment plot so, if you're new around here, you can always find the rest of this series and the rest of the stories of this universe on my masterist! this is 100% self indulgent, as all fics should be, and i think i've re-read it so many times that if you find a typo or something that just doesn't make sense, you can blame it on english not being my first language i guess lmao. i hope you enjoy it and if you do feel free to send to my askbox/reblog/type in any feedback or thoughts! <3

POSTED: december 5th 2024.

masterlist - part one - part two.

There's this image of you that flashes across Yunho’s mind. 

It happened right before he fell asleep last night, too, and he's having a hard time figuring out if he only dreamed it or if it actually happened. 

The skin on your back glistening, the cut of the dress after he pulled down the zipper just enough to not be disrespectful. 

He did it out of instinct, out of the sudden familiarity he felt between you both. He did it because, before he had the genius idea of helping you with your dress (to get it off in some way, what the fuck is wrong with him), you were really close to his face and he couldn't think straight for the remainder of the time he was in your presence. 

There was a time in his life where the mere thought of you brought discomfort to him. It kinda brings discomfort to him now, too, but it's a different kind of discomfort. It's dull, it's confusing and it's angering at the same time because, if he was sure of something before, it was the fact that he never really wanted to be near you. 

You were the bane of his existence when you two were kids, something that was forced on him the second your parents wanted and he despises the lack of control and freedom he's always had around you. 

And now there's a flash of you genuinely laughing at him for blushing after the old lady from last night gave him some not-so-innocent compliments in front of everyone. There's a flash of you defending him when you really didn't need to, even if you stated otherwise. 

There's a flash of you wiping the corners of your mouth after finishing the food he made you, a visage that completely besots him. 

He never really wanted to kiss you. 

Only once, at your graduation party, but that was drunk him and playing spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven really did a number on his teenage hormones at the time. 

He remembers the bottle landing on the girl next to you and the guy next to you and the guy next to the guy next to you. Yunho kissed them all with the hope of kissing you at some point that night. Just because he was curious, because deep inside of him he knew your parents plans all along. 

He didn't get to do it, though, and so it didn't really matter; the wish died as soon as he woke up the next day with a huge hangover and a dry mouth. Yesterday, he thought the same would happen if he went to sleep and dreamed about anything but you. 

That, of course, didn't happen. 

Now he’s just left trying to figure out what the fuck is going on exactly as the memory of your lips and the sting of annoyance that follows the thought of him wanting you in any way other than fifty feet apart distracts him from whatever his friends are saying right now. 

“He lost his fucking mind,” Gyuri stands in front of him, hands on her hips and furrowed brows like a mother who’s scolding her troubled child. She collapses on the couch behind her a second later, next to her best friend who’s giggling at her and her reaction “He’s not even answering to me.” 

They called for an emergency meeting at San and Wooyoung’s place, as expected. He was supposed to see them on saturday anyway but now he gave the friend group a reason to hang out a day earlier. Seonghwa did too, but his story, apparently, is more interesting than the oldest sudden girlfriend. 

In a way, they both got out of nowhere partners. But the friend group is hanging out a day earlier than expected so he’s not really sure why he’s being reprimanded for something so out of his control. 

They don't know this is out of his control. Maybe that's why. 

Wooyoung takes a sit in front of him, on top of the wooden table separating the space between the tv and the couch and puts a hand on his shoulder, like a father who’s trying to be on his side of things without offending his wife “Care to explain yourself, Yunho?” 

He decides to play pretend so he doesn’t have to think about it more than he needs to “Explain what?” 

As Gyuri gasps, Woo shakes his head before dramatically hanging it low.  

“God help you, my dear friend.” 

Gyuri gets up again and Wooyoung gets up as well, stepping aside so he can give space to her to regard poor little him with the angriest look ever directed at an innocent man.

He thanks Mingi for opening the front door of the apartment right at that moment. 

Behind him, Mingi’s girlfriend, Yeosang, Hongjoong and Seonghwa follow suit. San is in the kitchen finishing the dishes and Jongho is at school, taking a quiz or something, he thinks. 

He didn’t really read the group chat like that. They just requested his presence and he spawned in the apartment half an hour later.

But he didn't take into account that he was seeing Mingi that day too. Mingi, his best friend for a few years now, the only person he should've actually told what was going to happen yesterday night. 

He fucked up. 

“Can you let the man explain himself, Gyuri?” Mingi asks, down on one knee and helping his girl take off her shoes. Yunho wants to roll his eyes but Mingi is, after all, head over heels for her. 

How is he going to explain to them that he’s not head over heels over his new, sudden girlfriend? That, in fact, he thought he despised her until yesterday. 

And that now he’s not able to shake her from his thoughts even if he desperately wants to. 

“What’s going on?” Seonghwa asks and Gyuri turns and points at him. 

“We’re talking to you after we talk to him.” She makes a show of her threat, her pointed finger moving to Yunho’s forehead and slightly pushing him back on his seat. 

Seonghwa rolls his eyes and plops down on the couch, next to San’s girlfriend “Oh, my God.” 

“I’m sorry,” she tells him with a tiny smile “She’s freaking out today.” 

Wooyoung turns the tv on. His laptop is connected to it through a long, orange cord and when Yunho turns to the screen, it shows a picture of him and you with plastic smiles that look too real. 

If only people knew. 

“This is what’s going on,” he says, pointing to the image and then leaning into his laptop to click a new tab “The Jeong and Kim empires merge into one after their youngest announce they’re in a relationship at yesterday’s twenty year celebratory gala,” reading directly from the article, Yunho manages to cringe at the wording of it before Wooyoung turns to him “Since when, bitch?” 

Yunho opens his mouth to reply but both Yeosang and Seonghwa make a surprised noise. 

“Oh?”

“Isn’t she…?” Yeosang looks at him “Is she?”

He nods and Yeosang claps, mumbling a I knew it under his breath. 

“So that’s what she meant when she told me I looked familiar, she knows you!”  Seonghwa smiles a little and then his expression turns into a frown, like he just realized something he shouldn't “When did you start dating her?”

“Well, actually—”

“And didn’t tell us?” Mingi’s girlfriend looks very offended but he can tell she’s half joking, especially when Mingi smirks a little and then joins her with a pout. 

His best friend looks at him a second too long, though and that lets him know he might be a little offended. 

Mingi opens his mouth to speak but a choir of voices stops him from doing so and Yunho breathes out his regret for even showing up and for not explaining everything to Mingi first. 

“What do they mean ‘merge their empires’. Are you getting married?” 

“When did you even meet her?”

“Through his family, I suppose.” 

“Are you getting married?” 

“So did you cheat on her like two months ago with that girl from the bar?” 

“No, no, he didn’t hook up with the girl, that was Hongjoong.” 

“Sure I did,” he says and gives Yunho a look, like he doesn’t remember who they’re talking about “Yuyu, can I be the main groomsman?” Hoonjong asks as San returns with a snack plate on his hand and he takes it from him when he offers it, putting some chips on his mouth immediately “Hwa, too. We're the oldest, so.” 

Mingi scoffs “And I’m literally his best friend, don’t even try it.” 

“That’s literally me, oh my God? Liar?” 

Yunho is starting to feel a little overwhelmed by the amount of noise he normally would contribute to. 

Right now? He wants everyone to shut up while he finds a way of explaining everything and not sound completely insane in the process. 

It’s quite the normal concept, he thinks. Arranged matrimonies are a thing in a lot of cultures and in his it’s more subtle than anything, not quite what it used to be, but they’re still there especially for families like his. 

He’s not getting married, he should also clarify that. But as Mingi takes hold of Wooyoung’s laptop and scrolls through the article and then turns to him asking for an explanation with his eyes instead of his words, all the coherent sentences he just put together in his mind die on his tongue. 

Mingi is not really one to pry, but his stare tells him that he’s a little bit concerned with everything. After all, he’s the only one who understands the full complicated history Yunho has with his family. 

“Guys,” he says, all mischievousness wiped out of his face “let him explain and don’t interrupt.” 

The noise quiets down and everyone looks at him, expectant and curious. Now that he’s able to untense his shoulders and take a calming breath, he also notices a few concerned stares that join Mingi in the sentiment. 

Alright. Okay. He can do this. 

Yunho sends his best friend a thankful smile before gulping down his nerves. 

“That’s Kim Y/N,” he points at the tv screen, although half of your face is cut off because Mingi scrolled down to read “I’ve known her since we were kids, her parents and my parents are really good friends and her dad helped my dad launch his company, so we were�� They were celebrating that yesterday.” 

Everyone nods and then he catches Seonghwa’s eye “My brother and her brother are very good friends, too. You know Soohyun hyung, don’t you?” 

“Oh,” he seems taken by surprise by that “he’s a new client.” 

“I figured,” Yunho smiles, “He’s a good guy, just a little…” 

“Carefree?” Hwa offers. 

“Mhm. Anyways,” he shakes his head, trying to get back on track “Jeong Tech made a huge mistake a few months ago and so they decided to announce our relationship yesterday to kind of… Everyone loves Y/N,” he says quickly “She’s… We—” 

“Are you two together or not?” Wooyoung asks, clearly confused and when everyone shushes him he mutters his apologies. 

Yunho wants to answer him with the truth. He really does and it’s right there, ready to come out, but he thinks about you. About everything you told him yesterday, about how you actually seemed to care to please your parents.

He thinks about his own mother’s threats. 

And he knows it’s a little stupid wondering if someone in this room would tell, but he hesitates. 

It hurts him to hesitate but then someone speaks up. There, curled around San’s arm and peeling open an orange, his savior speaks up.

“Relationship of convenience,” she says softly and matter of factly, turning heads in her direction “What? I could’ve told you this two hours ago,” she points at Gyuri and Wooyoung “But you refused to explain! Come on, everybody,” giggling, she offers a freshly peeled slice to her boyfriend. “I work with books for a living, you work with books for a living!” She points at Woo again, “This trope is classic,” and then she looks back at him with a kind and honest smile. “You two do look good together, though. Are you friends, at least?” 

He hesitates. You both definitely, sort of, made amends last night. But it's a little weird and, suddenly, also hard to explain. 

Yunho thought the word friends would've just rolled out of his tongue naturally, as a little white lie to ease everyone's worries. Now, it hardly makes its way onto it so he just nods after a long pause that definitely raises suspicion on everyone's face. 

“We've known each other for a very long time, went to highschool together and everything,” that seems to eradicate some of the doubts, because San grins and turns to his girlfriend with a knowing smile that she returns. 

Gyuri is not as convinced “But are you friends?” 

“Yes,” he returns immediately after that, wanting the conversation to be over. He’s not lying, not really, not after what you both said yesterday “We are, we’re trying to be.” 

“So you hate the bitch. Got it.” Gyuri nods. 

Yunho takes offense to that, oddly enough. Because no, he doesn't hate you, not a little, not at all. 

He thinks. 

Besides, he confirmed yesterday that you're not much of a bitch and it hurts that Gyuri thinks you are one, but San’s girlfriend it's already handling that before he has the opportunity to defend you like you defended him. 

“Babe, don't call her that.” 

Gyuri raises her hands defensively “I'm just taking preventive action! What if she is a bitch?” 

“She's not.” Yunho says and they both turn their heads to him, Gyuri with a frown and her best friend with a knowing smile. 

What does she know that he doesn't? Beats him. 

Instead, he settles “She's just… Well, she's—” 

“Intense?” Gyuri offers. 

Wooyoung shakes his head and points to his ex “No, that's you.” 

For once, he's glad their bickering interrupts him because he doesn't really know how to describe you. What's his current opinion on you? He has no clue. It's weird, he hates it a bit, but the feeling is there and the words are on the verge of spilling out of his mouth.

San’s girlfriend gasps and then murmurs an excited: “I love enemies to lovers!”

“I don't think real people can fit into fictional tropes, babe,” Gyuri returns, taking a slice she's offering in her direction before eyeing Yunho “Or can they?” 

That he can answer “We're not enemies and we're definitely not lovers.” He says with a shrug. 

“You're something way worse then,” San’s girlfriend nods and then smiles in excitement “Can't wait!” 

“For what?” Yunho asks in a whisper but Mingi, thankfully, interrupts. 

“Why are they talking about marriage, then?” He asks, his concern is palpable and Yunho feels kind of bad. He feels really bad, actually. 

He could have told him this, at least. He could have talked about you, but the truth is that his mind avoided remembering you if not necessary; that’s how much you two seemed to hate each other.

Now? 

It’s kind of complicated not to think about you when you’re plaguing his mind, infecting it like a virus. 

Or painting it, like the canvases he saw in your room yesterday. 

Do you paint? Is that something you like to do in your free time? 

Why does he feel like he knows very little about you, all of the sudden? 

He groans and then shakes his head. 

“There’s no marriage, they’re getting ahead of themselves,” he clarifies. 

“Is there going to be a marriage?” 

There's movement on the screen now and he sees Mingi’s girlfriend scrolling unapologetically through the article. She's watching a video of the both of you posing together for a picture and there's something that pulls inside of him. His eyes attempt to water but he manages to keep his emotions down, locked up because there's a lot of feelings he won't put on his friends. 

He's sure they think of him as a dumb puppy who's actually very academically smart, just a little clumsy with his social interactions. He's been pretending he is, anyway. 

The only one who really sees through him is Mingi but even him, to some degree, has bought his immature act. And to some extent it became real for Yunho himself, too, so deep fears and sad emotions are off the table. 

So he pulls himself together and turns to his friend.

“I think she has an escape plan if our parents decide to marry us off to each other,” he admits, snorting out a laugh that’s a little bitter but more amused than anything, he shakes his head “So no, no engagement, no marriage.” 

“Why, what's wrong with you?” Gyuri asks, eyes squinted with prejudice and suspicion “Why wouldn't she want to marry you?” 

“Well, that's not… Gyuri,” he opens and closes his mouth a few times, not really knowing what to say to his friend's question, so he looks at Mingi with begging eyes “That's not really the point, right?” 

“Don't look at me, she's right,” Mingi shrugs, “Why wouldn't she want to marry you?” 

“Because we're not in love!” 

Wooyoung scoffs “And yet you're a perfectly fine and rich young man, so why wouldn't she want to marry you?” 

“So we officially hate her, right?” Gyuri says and claps her hands before standing up again for the millionth time and heading his way. Her hands fall on his shoulders and he has to crane his neck to see her from below “Okay, then! What's the plan? Do we get rid of her?” 

“No!” 

“I could, if that's what you want.”

His head snaps at Hongjoong at the suggestion, disbelief writing on his face “I love you guys but the Yunho protection squad needs to dissolve right now, everything’s fine!” 

“Is it?” Mingi asks and Yunho takes his time to look at his best friend before nodding. 

“It is. We're supposed to break up eventually anyway,” air leaves his lungs in a long sigh and then he gulps a little, not really sure how to say what he wants to say without offending anyone. And Gyuri's hands are still on him, so the pressure doubles at the potential threat of physical harm that his next statement can get him. “Listen, I won't make any of you sign nda’s or anything like that because I trust you but please, please don't tell anyone this.” 

He looks around the room and sees wide eyes before they turn understanding and when his friends nod in agreement, he feels a weight lift off his shoulders. 

Literally, Gyuri moves to sit next to Wooyoung who tries to put an arm around her and fails. 

“You're not that famous, Yunho,” Hongjoong kisses his teeth and the mood shifts into the lighthearted one he's used to “Unlike me. I'm a celebrity among my peers.” 

Wooyoung rolls his eyes “Yeah, because all the criminals turned music students turn guitarists of a nugu rock band worship you.” 

Hongjoong ignores him but his smile is tense and his eyes are squinted in fake joy when he speaks again “You are going to the gig tomorrow, right?” 

He laughs “Of course. I might be a little late but I'll get to see your set.” 

Hongjoong frowns “Why?” 

“I have a schedule now, so…” 

“Oh, my God,” San’s girlfriend squeaks, typing something in her phone and Yunho catches his friend fondly following with his eyes the sentences she's putting together “And what else do you have to do now?” 

“Babe, I hope you're not writing a story about this.” Gyuri warns but her friend ignores her and turns to Seonghwa. 

Who realizes right away what she's doing, gaping at her and her betrayal with feign hurt. Yunho gets it a second later and his lips curve upwards a little. 

“And what did you do to get a girlfriend so fast? It was the motorcycle, wasn't it?” 

Wooyoung gasps and Gyuri seems to remember suddenly that there were two important subjects to dissect on the table today, so she gets up again with her hands on her hips and stares at him like a distressed mother.

“What the hell were you thinking, Park Seonghwa? Girlfriend? You met her yesterday!” 

“Three days ago, but yes, maybe—” 

“Oh, three days ago! That's an eternity in dog years, right? Are you a dog, Seonghwa?” 

Seonghwa’s eyes practically meet the back of his head and Yunho has to stifle a laugh “Not a dog, Gyuri, just a guy.” 

She pauses and then makes a face. 

“That… Actually makes a lot of sense.” 

“We made the mistake of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend way too soon. But, to be fair, his text messages woke us up,” Seonghwa's finger is pointing to Yunho and he pouts as a response “Kind of, so we were sleepy and—”

“Sure, let's hang out tonight so you can meet my girlfriend,” Hongjoong reads directly from his phone and shakes his head. Yunho can't actually tell if he's offended or not “Not even a warning first.”

“I literally told you about her and you told me to go for it.” 

“Did I?” 

“Yeosang was there.” 

At the mention of his name, Yeosang looks up from his phone and smiles shyly at the oldest two “Correct.”

There's a bit of silence and then Hwa clears his throat softly. 

“She's going to be my girlfriend though,” he says, almost in a whisper but everyone hears him “So I don't know what the big deal is.” 

Wooyoung slumps from the couch to the ground with his eyes closed in defeat “Oh, dear God.” 

“The big deal is that—” 

Gyuri's voice fades to the background and he catches Hwa telling her that she's not his mother or something before tuning the discussion out. 

When he turns to his left, Mingi is still eyeing him to make sure he's okay. Yunho nods and smiles and then offers his hand to him, which he takes. 

Mingi's girlfriend turned off the laptop and is watching the interaction with a tiny contempt curve to her lips and, when Yunho catches a glimpse at San’s girlfriend from behind his friends built form (she's completely hiding behind him from all the chaos Gyuri is bringing to the living room), she catches his eye and then blinks one of hers in complicity. 

Again, Yunho wonders what she knows that he doesn't. 

But with the attention off of him, your face returns to his head.

So he's not really able to concentrate on anything else for the remainder of the hang out. When he finally, finally has his mind occupied by something else (San dared him to beat him at Mario Kart and Jongho brought food and drinks as an apology for completing his academic duties instead of showing up to the meeting), a text pops up from an unknown number. 

+82-5-059-6733: Hey. Added your number  from that stupid group chat our brothers made because telling each other things through our assistants makes me physically ill, hope you don't mind.  +82-5-059-6733: Actually, I don't really care if you mind. If you block me, I'll find another phone to text you on. +82-5-059-6733: Anyway, I'll send you the address of where we're going fashionably late tonight. It's an early drive so you're free to skip this (Do skip it please).  +82-5-059-6733: Jeong Yunho, do not ignore me or I swear to God…

He hates that, after reading his home screen, he has a smile on his lips. You sound both formal and pushy through text, too and he didn't think it was possible to have so much personality that it filters through writing as well. He's finding out new things about you and, although he made it a point to ask you to get along yesterday, it still feels really weird to do so.

When he turns to the screen again, he's down a few spots and San’s character speeds besides his in its kart. 

“Is it her?” San asks, looking at him for a second, a knowing smile on his lips. 

“It is but I'm not smiling because it's her,” he defends himself but there's a tint to his cheeks that might give him away. San laughs “Shut up. Your girlfriend’s schemes are rubbing on you.” 

At the mention, he catches through the corner of his eye as his friend turns to the mentioned girl and Yunho smiles again before he hears him sigh, completely and utterly in love. 

“Thank God.” 

He recovers on the game while San is distracted, passing him and winning the race. The sound of it ending makes San snap his head back and watch as Yunho relaxes on the couch in egotistical victory. 

“Ugh.” 

The sun is shining through the clouds even though it was supposed to rain again. There's a singular gray one moving ominously among the other ones and threatening to mess up what you planned for the day. 

It suspiciously moves past you and into the city when Yunho's car pulls up the hill. By the time he gets down, the sun is shining in full force and you roll your eyes when he regards you and your closed arms with a wink. 

What does he gain out of this? You've been wondering since that night if coming here is better than staying at home for the weekend. 

He could stay at his dorm, though. Is that an option? The curiosity you feel towards him now has completely taken over. It feels disgusting. 

Either way, you hate that he actually showed up. That means someone, somewhere around you, is going to casually document the thing you kept to yourself for a long time. No because it's a secret but because there's no real need for anyone to know that you do this. 

Your presence on social media is scarce, you have one open account that you use every six months (if you remember to use it at all) and the one you stalk people of your circle on. You have a twitter account that's private and not under your real name, a youtube account that doesn't really count as social media in your eyes and nothing else. 

No one needs to know you do these sorts of things. Then, you wouldn't be doing it out of the kindness of your heart but to get sympathy points. Even though you'll always do it because you want to and not because you have to. 

There's a lot of things you have to do, like your relationship with Yunho, but never this. 

You know it's only like five out of one hundred people who wish you ill but those few people are enough to tarnish the affection the kids have for you, the trust you worked so hard to gain the few years you've been trying to make this orphanage somewhat quality-of-life acceptable. 

You stumbled upon it one of those drunk early mornings where you had to walk around to get the alcohol out of your system before even daring showing up home or near it. Not because your family didn't know what you were up to, but because of the possible photographers roaming around the house. 

A drunk underage daughter was worse than anything back then. Maybe it is now, too, but you remembered the mistake you made the first time you got drunk and the absolute reaping your mother gave you. 

So when you locked eyes with a middle aged woman in the middle of nowhere after walking around half an hour before in heels, your almost-sober self pretended to be lost just to talk to someone and feel safe. The sun was barely showing that day and you were cold and sad and angry for not controlling yourself at the party and it must've shown in your face because you saw the woman taking a deep breath before offering you to step inside. 

At that hour, the kids were asleep. There were traces of them everywhere, though and you remember the way your heart sank at the lifeness of the space even in the still hours of the morning. 

It looked lived in, enjoyable and cozy. You never had that. Toys were put back in their place the second you got distracted by the tv or a book or when your mother said that was enough playing around for the day. Your room was always neat and tidy, put together and devoid of any evidence that you were real. 

That has changed a little now, but back then seeing something you didn't have struck something within you. There was obviously no way you would complain about it out loud, though. 

You had everything solved, your struggle has always been insignificant when compared with everyone else outside of your circle. It's fine, it's always been fine and the tears brought to your eyes when the middle aged woman put a hand on your shoulder and consoled you when she saw the environment was affecting you meant nothing. 

You tried to convince yourself they meant nothing and tried to keep your heart where it belonged: inside of your tinsel bubble, frozen and harsh so that no one takes advantage of you.

And then she managed to melt the ice not even five minutes into explaining what it was that they did there. She said her position wasn't permanent, that the district kept changing directors and that the quality of life they were able to give to the kids was acceptable at best. Not good, not what they deserved. 

Maybe that was the first time you took advantage of your privilege for something good. Because next thing you knew, you were putting together a presentation and pressing your father to do something about the home. 

Your mother was scandalized but she agreed to do something with your ideas if your brother was put on the front of the newspapers, inaugurating the renovations made to the place. 

Saturdays have been destined to the orphanage since then. They know not to put anything else on your schedule for the day, they know not to film you or send photographers per your request. Because your brother was already seen making the good deed a few years ago, so there's not really a way to take advantage of this anymore. 

Besides, the district still manages it and no amount of volunteering can help the fact that its administration and the decisions that they make are as dumb as you believing for a second that Yunho was going to take your advice and stay home today.

Yunho being here changes things, you know it does. Why did they put this in his new schedule if not? You thought it was a punishment for him but now you're not so sure. 

There's lack of movement, lack of press, lack of your mother's touch to it so you wonder what's the angle here. And, as usual, Yunho seems to be in the dark about the things plaguing your mind. 

You point at his outfit in retaliation when he gets near you and your mother’s assistant, who became yours for the day. 

“Is this what you could put together with such a long notice?” 

“You said casual.” 

“And this is your casual?” 

At some point these past few days, and after seeing all the pictures of you two together at the gala, you came to terms with Yunho’s attractiveness. Objectively, he's a handsome guy. His dad was handsome at one point, his mom is absolutely breathtaking and his brother is handsome as well. They're just a family of naturally physically gifted people, alright? 

But it is kind of unfair that he can look this good in flared jeans and a white fitted shirt, for fucks sake. He looks like he just got out of a Calvin Klein shoot… If the shoot was somehow made in the seventies. The black belt and the black boots with a tiny platform he's wearing add to the whole look and your eye twitches a little. 

He looks really fucking cool, actually but there's no way in hell you would ever accept that. Handsome? Sure. Cool? Your mind is tricking you somehow. 

It's that warmth that invaded your body when he made you food a few nights ago making you think nonsense. You want to desperately get rid of it. 

He scoffs but a tiny smile tugs at his lips when he looks you up and down “Is this yours?” 

Looking down at your wide leg trousers, your kitty heels and your short sleeved cotton top, you fail to see where the problem is. 

“Duh.” 

He whistles, low and for a few seconds and for a moment you think he's doing it because of you and your heart beats erratically until you realize his eyes are fixed on the orphanage.

You smile a little. 

These past few years you've been able to get funding and provide funding to it, so the renovations just keep coming and coming. It doesn't look like the one you found refuge on that morning a few years ago at all and it definitely doesn't look like the one your brother had the chance to be photographed with either. 

Right now, it has a little bit of your touch: It looks like an elegant structure, but a building that's also suitable for children to be in. It has a playground vibe to it, the exterior and the design of the new entrance you approved a few months ago only solidifies it.

The kids love it. You didn't exactly run the design through them but it would've shown if they didn't. 

They're very expressive, but decisive too. Bossy, even. You look at Yunho and you want to smile fully because he simply doesn't know what he got himself into. 

That proves to be true as the hours go by. The kids raise their eyebrows when they meet him, say hi to him with a bow and then turn to you for explanations. When you say that this is a new friend that's going to be helping out that day, you don't miss the way Yunho lights up a bit besides you. 

And then that light is completely stolen by hour three, you see it as he chases kids around the yard. It hurts that they acclimated so fast to him but, again, when you got there the first time the place wasn't really one where they felt completely safe. 

This proves that you helped change that. Good. 

There's a few of them, the older ones, that sit on the ground and stare daggers at Yunho like he's going to hurt the younger kids at any moment. These kids were practically toddlers when you met them and they had a hard time being around you when you started to show up regularly. 

They barely spoke a word and, when they did, they yelled at you for not playing with the toys like you were supposed to, or because you looked too clean and too pretty to be messing with paint or something of the sort. 

It took months for you to build that trust and now the oldest is a tween with shaggy hair and a scowl on his face because he thinks of Yunho the same way he thought of you when he was just a kid.  

He barely notices when you crouch next to him, the hand you put on his shoulder making him jump slightly. 

“I understand the feeling of wanting to punch Yunho in the face,” you start, smiling and then tilting your head a little “but you're going to burn a hole on his back if you keep staring at him like that, Hyunjoon.”  

“Then why did you bring him here?” His frown deepens and you shrug “We were just fine with everything here and now there's a stranger playing tag with my little brother,” he shakes his head “I don't like it.” 

Sighing and then turning to Yunho, you see the exact moment his attempts to escape Haejoon, Hyunjoon’s little brother, are sabotaged by Hyunjoon’s best friend, Soyi. 

“I think you're a little jealous.” 

“What?” 

You want to laugh when his head snaps at you, chest heaving in preteen anger at the word jealous. 

“Yeah, not because he's playing with Haejoon but because Soyi is there too,” you shrug again, readjusting your crouching position because it hurts your legs but there's no way you're sitting on the ground “You like her, Yunho is handsome and you're jealous.” 

He turns away from you and you laugh when he makes a disgusted face that then turns into mild discomfort and ends up being a full pout.

“We're fighting.” 

“You and Soyi?” He nods and you sigh “What is it now?” 

“I dunno.” He murmurs with a shrug. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I don't know what I did! Okay?”

There's this uncharacteristically amount of patience you have when it comes to these kids that don't run out even if they yell at you and cause a few heads to turn your way. It never really bothers you except today, when you know there's possibly someone monitoring your movements. 

Yunho’s assistant, most likely. You know yours is compliant and doesn't really give a fuck about what goes on here, her focus on her tablet the whole time, probably arranging things for her actual boss (your mom). 

“Have you asked her?” He shakes his head “Then maybe start by asking her, later today if you want,” you rush to clarify when you see him tense up at the idea “Or tomorrow or the next day but don't let silly things get in the way of your friendship with her, hm?” 

His pout returns and his eyes start to water a little but before you have the opportunity to make him laugh the sadness away, someone jogs towards you both. 

“Everything alright?” 

Yunho’s sweating, he's out of breath and squinting his eyes because of the sunlight and it reminds you of when you used to cross paths during recess, back in highschool. 

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Hyunjoon sulks and scoffs at him and, once again, you suppress your laughter. 

“We're fine. Did you need something?” 

“No, no, Soyi just asked me to—” He stops when Hyunjoon's reaction gives away the root of his sulking and you see him glance at you once. You don't give Hyunjoon secrets away, though. “She asked me to tell you that she's going to start counting in two minutes and you are both obligated to play.” 

“Ah, yes, the mandatory hide and seek of the day.” You nod and watch as Hyunjoon's eyebrows raise in interest “Tell her it's okay, that she can start counting now.” 

Yunho raises his eyebrows as well, curiosity on his face “And you're hiding too?” 

“It's mandatory, Yunho. Do you know what mandatory means?” 

He clicks his tongue “I obviously do, Y/N, it was a simple question. Do you have to—” 

“Don't speak to her like that, ahjussi!” 

Once again, Yunho is interrupted by Hyunjoon and this time you can't help but laugh at the pure shock on his face. It warms your heart that a kid that was once so reluctant to have you around is defending you and you think your expression might give the feeling away because Yunho says nothing in return, just nods once and then presses his lips together, fighting a smile “I'll go tell her, then.” 

“No!” Hyunjoon gets up quickly and you do too, your legs and feet thanking you “I'll do it, she's my best friend.” 

It's the threatening (and very cute) look Hyunjoon sends in Yunho’s direction before sprinting towards Soyi and his brother that breaks the both of you into giggles. 

Only when your laughter dies down is that you turn to Yunho, arms crossed as you look him up and down to assess the real damage caused these first few hours.

No other reason. 

“Thought you said these kids were tough.” 

You shrug and he smiles “They are but you came here with me, so they're going easy on you.” 

“Yeah, I'm sure that's it.” Yunho nods and then turns over his shoulder. You do too, only to find Soyi with her hands over her eyes and counting already “Better don't get caught first, Kim.”  

Walking towards the spot you usually hide in when it's mandatory hide and seek time, you bump your arm with his in not-so-fake animosity. 

“You better not get caught, Jeong.” 

“Is that a dare?” He yells when you're almost out of reach. 

“I don't know,” you yell back “Is it?” 

You miss the way his eyes follow you until you're out of frame, until some kid whose name he doesn't remember grabs his hand and pushes him to hide because he stood in place long enough to almost get caught first. 

You do get caught in the first round but not before Yunho, so you count that as a win. The second round is trickier, Soyi banning some hiding spots like the natural leader she is, and so you get caught before Yunho. He does a little celebratory dance when he sees you in the yard before him. Ass. 

There's only one round left before they call everyone to clean up for lunch. 

Moving through the orphanage halls, you walk down the stairs that lead to the staff rooms before choosing one you know kids would not check if they don't caught you in plain sight: It's the one that has some panel windows on top of some lockers, to bring in some natural lighting because it was used as a classroom before.

Now, only boxes and dust live down there. But if you hide in the corner, there's no way you're getting caught before Yunho. 

You checked when you were upstairs. 

You giggle to yourself as you rest your back against the corner, taking your phone and unlocking it to find something to do while you await your very predictable victory in this pointless battle you and Yunho have going on. 

Only for it to be crushed when he enters the room and closes the door behind it. See, you obviously didn't lock it because that defeats the rules of the game. 

But maybe you should've. 

“Get out.” 

He seems startled when he hears your voice, clearly not expecting another soul to be there. “You blend so well into the wall, Y/N.” 

You don't bite the bait “Yunho, you're going to get both of us caught. Get. Out.” 

“How? I literally fit in here, too.” 

He gets into your space, a petty smile on his lips until your backside is completely flat against the wall.

You let out an indignant laugh and a breath at the same time because, from where you're shoved into the corner, he looks so dumb. 

And then the sunlight shifts a little and lands on his shoulder and you get reminded: You're going to get caught and it's going to be his fault. 

You want to yell at him to get out again but then hear laughter near the panel windows, so you whisper-shout instead “Find your own hiding spot, Yunho!” 

“I got kicked out of my last one!” He whispers-shouts back. 

“Well you can't have this one either!”

“We're going to be fine, Y/N,” he tries but at your scowl he laughs again “I'm perfectly hidden here and I'm hiding you.” 

“You're not perfectly hidden, idiot! You're like…” You move your hands, trying to replicate the broadness of his shoulders “You're huge.” 

“Yeah?” He seems pleased by your words and your eyes rolls on their own accord “I've been hitting the gym, so I'm glad it's showi—” 

“I don't care, get out!” 

You hear a scream and then laughter that follows it outside of the windows and your wide eyes peek around a little behind Yunho’s form to see what's going on. 

There, rolling on the grass and laughing hard, are Hyunjoon and Soyi. You see when she pushes him further into the ground and away from her, smiling like she usually does. She did seem a little sad today and you wondered why without intruding.

Learning about the fight made things click in your head and so now you're smiling wide because they potentially made up. 

The sound of someone gulping is what brings you back to reality and you crane your head up to catch Yunho staring at you with parted lips and soft eyes. Somewhere in the process of looking out of the panels, you ended up leaning into him and bracing yourself with your hand on his arm. 

You quickly keep your hands to yourself again, pushing your body into the corner one more time. 

“Sorry,” you say right away “I was just… They like each other and they were fighting today so I'm glad they, um…” You trail off. 

“Are not fighting anymore?” Yunho says for you and you're nodding frantically before you can help it “You seem better today.”

“Oh,” that catches you off guard and he notices, “It's never… It's never really as bad as what you saw a few days ago. You don't have to ask me about it.” 

“I didn't mean to… I was pointing it out to say that you seem different here.” 

“Different how?” 

“Relaxed,” he says right away with a shrug. “Less… Hostile.” 

You get what he's trying to imply. 

“I can't really be a stuck up bitch when I'm surrounded by children, Yunho.” 

“Never said you were one.”

Your eyes squint “But you were thinking it.” 

He doesn't back down at your accusation “I swear I wasn't. You could see it, too, if you stopped being so… defensive.” 

“I'm trying,” you kind of speak over him as he is finishing his sentence, your arms crossing in, well, defense “but your fugly jeans are provoking me.” 

This time around, he's the one that doesn't bite the bait. He smiles, leaning into your space with purpose this time; not because the corner you're both hiding in is small, not because he forgets who you both are. You can see it in his eyes that he means to do it. It's scary.

It's really not scary at all and it brings thoughts to your head that you need to put away immediately. 

You pretend it's bothering you, creasing your brows in order to bring to your expression the usual disgust you feel for him. 

“You like my outfit, I saw you checking me out earlier.” He murmurs like it's the most obvious thing ever. You, on the other hand, think you did a great job in concealing your staring for the day.

“I was judging you, not checking you out. You look like a hippie.”

He smiles but doesn't lean back at all “I have something to do tonight.” 

“So I heard,” and now you look over his outfit on purpose, as well “This fit is definitely a choice.” 

The usual spark that the arguments you two are used to have is there, but the actual nastiness and loathing of it all is mostly gone. Now, there's this weird pull that nudges you forward, your jaw set softly as you wait for his response. 

“It's a rock concert, I have to look the part.” 

You laugh and then nod “And so you dressed up as a greaser. Got it.” 

“So I look like John Travolta in Grease?” 

“More like Barry Pearl.” 

He scoffs “Who even is that?” 

“Exactly.” 

Your smile is nothing but pure bliss at the way you seem to get under his skin with that one. The anger crosses his expression, his eyes widen a little before roaming your face and you wait for his comeback. 

And wait. 

And wait. 

But it never comes. Instead, he leans in a fraction more than what your sanity can handle and keeps his voice low when he changes the subject.

“I had the opportunity to speak to Jiwoo earlier…” He starts and you nod, expectant and a little distracted by the smell of his cologne. “She told me everything you've been doing for this place. I had to ask her because you didn't tell me.” 

“You didn't ask.” 

“Would you have told me if I did?” 

It takes a second and a tiny smile, but you shake your head and he clicks his tongue. 

“See?” 

“I wasn't expecting you to show up in the first place,” you murmur back in your defense, sincerely, “and I'm not used to people seeing this part of my life.” 

Laughter and hurried steps outside remind you that you're in the middle of a game, in the middle of a dare with Yunho, too. But it doesn't seem to matter anymore. 

This is a weird way of having a genuine conversation, an odd place to have it in as well but there's nothing conventional about your relationship with Yunho. 

In a way, it's kind of fitting for you two. 

“Well, you got great reviews.” 

“Do I?” 

“Mhm, Jiwoo said she was about to be sent away when you stepped in,” he starts to recall, nodding to himself “Soyi also said she met you when she was little and that you were there when Hyunjoon and his brother got here for the first time,” this time, you nod and a tiny smile tugs at your lips at the memory “And I saw the way you were looking at the kids earlier, how you spoke to them… That's why I told you that you seem different here.” 

It's your turn to gulp and blink a few times, trying to measure your words. You know that you and him came to an agreement the other night, but it's still a little hard to be fully honest with someone you've tried to be so superficial and distant for a very long time. 

“I'm happy here,” you whisper back, taking in a breath. “I'm happy when I'm helping, it makes me feel…” You trail off, failing to find the right words. 

“Purposeful?” Yunho offers and your heart beats loudly at that, your stomach sinks at how accurate that is and he can see it in your expression, because he takes in a breath himself and closes his eyes for a millisecond “I understand.” 

You want to ask him how he understands it. Is it simply because it's something easy to grasp? Is it because he relates in some way? The breach in between you became a simple line the night of the gala and that line blurs the longer you stay amicable with him. 

It's dangerous because you can already picture him going away when this whole charade ends. 

You don't want to get used to the feeling of him making your heart beat this way. 

And hopefully you can forget all about it with the usual meal related anxiety you feel but even that is dull. It's not as bad here and Yunho knows so it's not going to be as bad with him either. Fucking great. 

If you someone would just interrupt yo— 

There's a knocking, persistent and that allows you to step away from him finally and glance at the panel windows one more time. 

Soyi and Hyunjoon are lying on their stomach, smiling knowingly like they understand what is going on in your head. Yunho steps out and they pretend to be surprised but you can tell they were expecting to see him here. 

“The game finished like five minutes ago.” Hyunjoon says and it's muffled by the glass but you can make it out just fine. 

Soyi nods and joins in, adding something as she stands up “Yeah, it's lunch time and if you don't hurry I'm stealing your food!”

At that, Yunho seems to react like he's a child himself “Don't even think about it!” He yells back, heading for the door and leaving you there with an erratic heartbeat and questions. 

Thirty seconds pass before you hear him again, his laugh this time and you close your eyes because the curve of your lips needs to go away before you step out there as well. 

Three more hours pass and at some point you don't see Yunho at all, letting him do his thing. 

Turns out, he's actually very good with kids. Considering he was a weird kid himself, you don't even find it weird that he's sitting on the grass with a worm in his hand and kids circling him like he's giving a masterclass. 

Kind of like they were circling you fifteen minutes ago, when you gave them a little painting advice. You started on a small canvas and your paint strokes look tired, probably because you feel that way, but you use it to pass the time even if their interest is now elsewhere. 

They have art classes here, you insisted on including them in their pensum as something mandatory, like science and maths. 

They enjoy it. A few of them want to pursue art in the future and that makes you really happy, even if you probably won't be around to see it or if they change their opinions along the way because, as dumb as it sounds, you were never encouraged by anyone to pursue what you liked. 

Maybe, sometimes that's enough. Planting the seed to wait and see if it grows into something fructiferous in the future can be what some of these kids need. 

Aside from resources and opportunities, of course. 

There's less activity in the room you're in and you're sure it's because the kids are tired. They're taking naps in their rooms, they're washing up for the night and you're dreading leaving this place. Your shirt it's dirty, there's paint on your arms and dirt under your nails and you don't want to catch the disgusted look your mother is going to give you when you get home. 

You fuck up the painting a little bit. Lost in thought, you barely notice when Yunho makes his way inside from the garden, a little girl secured around his neck like he's her father or something. You barely spare him a glance, but smile at her when he sits down besides you and she opens her arms and clings to you instead. 

Leaving the brush and canvas forgotten on the table, you make space for the seven year old in your lap “Hi, gorgeous.” you smile at her and her sleepy eyes “Did you have fun today, Jaemi?” And at her name, she punches you softly in the arm with her little fist. 

You're afraid she's too tired to commit to the bit. 

“Jaemi,” Yunho nods beside you and you look at him, “she didn't want to tell me her name.” 

“Then that's totally not her name,” you correct yourself and Jaemi smiles, sticking her tongue out to Yunho afterwards “Did you have fun?” You insist. 

“Yes, he was teaching us something about…” she pouts in concentration, trying to remember “Crickets?” she offers with her little lisp, turning to Yunho to confirm her words. 

“Cicadas.” 

“Yeah, that.” She turns to you, nodding “He said that they sing when it's about to rain and that made me happy but then he said that they also sing when they're about to die and that made me sad.” 

Looking at Yunho, you let him know with your expression that that's not something kids need to know. He just shrugs, smile growing when he sees how Jaemi hides on your neck, sleepy and comfortable. 

“And I told him what you told me about the worms,” she murmurs there and you pat her back, softly, but trying to tell her to stop talking. There's an embarrassed glow on your cheeks at what she says next “and he told me that he was the one who taught you that.” 

Eyes wide, you huff out a laugh and then clear your throat, but Jaemi speaks through her pout before you defend yourself “Is he your boyfriend?” 

“Oh,” her question is not weird but you've been avoiding answering it all day. Right now, there's not really a way you can evade it, so you just focus on your painting and nod “He is.” 

“He's smart,” she mumbles and when your eyes land on Yunho again, his cheek is pressed to his forearm that is pressed against the table. He's looking at you both with stars in his eyes and you want to kick him under the table “Like you. I want my future mom and dad to be like you.” 

Yunho pouts and you gulp, defensiveness abandoning your body and emotions swirling inside at the sweet, hopeful color of Jaemi’s voice. 

“People here are going to make sure of that, Jaemi,” you assure her in a whisper and by the time you rock her softly in your arms, you can tell she's asleep in them “I'll make sure you get the best mom and dad in the world, hm?” 

You don't know if you can keep your promise. If there's enough will for you to do it, if it's up to you to decide it. But you don't get to dwell on it for long. 

“Is she out?” Jiwoo asks and you nod, sliding back with your chair a little so that she can take Jaemi in her arms instead “I'll get her to the nap room. Sorry about that.” 

“It's okay.” You smile at her and she puts a comforting hand on your arm, shaking you a little on your seat before heading for the nap room. 

You don't dare to look at Yunho after that. Yeah, he saw your mother belittling you and, yeah, he made you food and wiped away your tears after having a panic attack… But that might've been the most vulnerable Yunho has ever seen you. Maybe. It felt like it, anyway. 

Returning to your painting, you forget what the orange blob in the corner of the canvas is supposed to be. From the corner of your eye, you catch Yunho staring at you still, unmoving from his position against the table. 

“How dare you steal my earth friends facts, Kim Y/N.” 

“You mean the facts about worms everyone learns in kindergarten, Yunho?” You scoff “Didn't know you trademarked them.” 

“You enjoy painting.” He says, a fact not a question, ignoring your jab at him and it's starting to get a little annoying how he changes topics so fast. 

“I'm not very good at it.” 

He gets up, scoots his chair closer to yours and you catch as his eyes move up and down your stupid painting “I don't agree.” 

“I didn't ask,” huffing, you squint your eyes at him and at your tone he rolls his eyes “Don't you have a concert to get to?” 

“Yeah, you should go with me.” 

That's hilarious. 

“I'm afraid I'm a little underdressed,” you tell him and you think he wants to laugh,  but presses his lips together and pretends to be offended at your words instead. You lean into the table, your eyes following his mouth as he stops pursing his lips, a tiny smile tugging on yours. “And I don't feel like pretending to be your girlfriend today anymore.” You whisper to only him. 

“You won't have to,” he whispers back, leaning in as well, “they know.” 

“What? You told them?” 

“They kind of figured it out.” 

“Hm, because you have no bitc—” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he interrupts you, annoyed and you laugh, leaning back in your chair “Come with me. I saw your car outside,” he smiles and bats his eyelashes at you “I don't want my mother to know where I'm going, so you can drive me.” 

“Ah, that's why you want me to go.” 

“I also want to hang out with you,” his hand on your arm doesn't startle you but it does send sparks down your spine, his words causing your chest to go warm and your walls to go down “I thought we were doing that today and then I got kidnapped by eight year olds.” 

There's this image of Yunho that flashes through your head, the one of him running around the yard with people so dear to your heart that it makes the poor organ beat erratically for the second time today. 

Deflect. 

“And you managed to keep your ugly outfit clean. I'm impressed.” 

He lets out a tired breath. 

Deflect. Ignore. Don't let it fool you, Y/N, he's not staying this cordial forever. 

However, you think that as a thank you you can give in a little. Just a tiny bit. Just for tonight. 

“Do they have parking?” 

Yunho smiles wide. 

You would never admit you actually want to hang out with him, too, so instead you just say: 

“I'm driving you and then I'm staying for an hour,” he claps and gets up suddenly, grabbing your hand and pulling you out of your chair as well “And if I don't like it there, I'm leaving.” 

He looks like he wants to say something but, instead, he just shakes your twined hands with excitement before letting go at the realization of what he's doing. 

“You might want to go to the bathroom first.” 

“Why? Where is the concert?” 

He says nothing. 

“Jeong Yunho… Where are we going?” 

They do not have parking. Not near the musty bar you're currently trying to make your way into, anyway. 

Yunho shows something on his phone to the bouncer at the entrance and then turns to you “My girlfriend,” he says, grabbing your hand again and opening his eyes at you as a signal to go along with his lie “She's also invited, obviously.” 

So long for not pretending to be together, huh?

You nod and you kind wish you didn't because it leads you to a small space with a crowd that's bigger than what it can host. There's heavy drums and amazing vocals coming out of the speakers and you actually recognize the guitarist of the band that's playing. You don't know his name, but you definitely saw him in pictures with Yunho before. 

Grabbing Yunho’s arm when he lets go of your hand, it grants you the brief grace of his stare. 

“I'm sorry about that,” he says and then his eyes are on the stage again, smiling at the band. His height works wonders because you can tell he's actually able to see them fully and the next second you're being pulled across the crowd and up some stairs “They didn't expect me to come here with anyone tonight… And don't say it's because I have no game, Y/N, or I swear—”

“You made it!” 

When you let go of Yunho’s arm and stand shyly behind him as they let the both of you into the very humble vip area of this bar, it's like the pictures you've been staring at for months come to life. You don't know names (only Park Seonghwa’s, who's glued to the balcony’s rail, jamming along to the music) but you do know their faces. 

This girl that greeted Yunho with a hug just now it's in almost every picture, smiling just like that. And when she turns at you, that smile disappears and it's replaced with one that's not genuine at all. 

Great. 

“Oh, hi to you too,” she says and her eyes alternate between you and Yunho “I didn't know you were bringing your fake girlfriend tonight.” 

You don't know why, but the way she says it ticks you a little bit. 

“Yeah, me neither,” Yunho’s arm is around your shoulders now and you have to fight the urge to shove him away, like a second instinct “This is Y/N, Y/N this is Gyuri.” 

“It's nice to meet you,” returning her energy, you smile coldly at her too, “I've heard nothing about you.” 

Yunho's hip connects with yours in a silent warning. 

But instead of the usual hypocrisy you're met inside the crowd you move in, you're greeted with something genuine: At your response, Gyuri looks you up and down for what feels like a minute and a half and then that fake smile turns into a genuine one. 

“Okay, I get you,” she nods, laughing to herself when she turns to Yunho. You do too and the color has been drained from his face, at least a little bit “I'm glad you're here. I guess it is meet my girlfriend night,” her head cocks to the side, to where Seonghwa stands and you're a little relieved you don't have to ask what she's talking about when, besides him, you see the mechanic you didn't get to meet earlier this week. She turns to you again “Do you want a drink?” 

“Oh, I'm driving, um…” You look at Yunho “I don't know if you—” 

“No, let's not drink tonight, though if you want to we can call—” 

“No, that's not necessary, I don't feel like—” He interrupts with a nod. 

“Gotcha.” 

The nervousness is palpable and, although you didn't really feel anything the hour and a half it took you two to get to the bar (Yunho didn't really let you, bickering with you about your driving or the decor of the car or the tinted windows or whatever he could think of to annoy you), but now you you notice it. 

The way Yunho's fingers tap on your arm, his around your shoulders still. The way he doesn't really know what to say when you both turn to Gyuri after speaking over each other like that and the way you can't bring yourself to be hostile to him in front of his friends. 

It's a little pathetic. You think Gyuri thinks so too, and the long-haired guy next to her as well because they're staring at you stoically, unmoving. 

“So I'm taking that as a no but I need a drink now. If y'all excuse me…” 

“H-hi, Woo.” 

“I thought we got rid of this when San and Babe got together,” he sighs as Gyuri turns around and leaves for a table, offering you his hand with a wink. You can tell he's a little drunk but the way he shakes your hand brings out a genuine giggle out of you “I’m Wooyoung, Yunho’s best friend. I bet he already told you that, though.” 

No, you want to tell him, you and him haven't been able to talk like that yet. Even after knowing him for over ten years and spending holidays together, you don't know his best friend's name at all. 

And you start to nod just to skip explaining that but Yunho speaks and ruins your plans.

“Mingi is going to kill you if he hears you say that.” 

“Say what?” A tall man stands next to Yunho and only when he hugs his shoulders is that Yunho lets go of you “Are you talking shit about me, Woo?” 

Wooyoung genuinely sulks“I wouldn't dare, Mingi.” 

“You must be Y/N,” Mingi ignores him and you want to laugh at the expression he makes in return, but you busy yourself taking the hand that Mingi's offering “I've heard so much about you in the last forty eight hours.” 

“All terrible things, I'm hoping.” 

“Well—” 

“Okay, okay,” Yunho pushes him away and takes your arm again, giving his actual best friend a look “Let me introduce you to everyone else before Wooyoung makes a scene for the night.” 

Over your laugh, you hear a faint gasp and a I don't ever make scenes! shouted on Wooyoung’s side of the room. 

You were never shy but you fall a little quiet in the middle of these strangers because the one thing you realized right away is that there's no actual need to pretend here, in the dim light and with people who don't give a fuck if your posture isn't perfect or that you're not making small talk. 

It's a little freeing. 

That weight falls off your shoulders and you kind of get why Yunho is a little clueless about how things work in your world after talking to San and Mingi’s girlfriends for a little. 

It truly takes everything in you to keep everything you share about yourself in shallow waters. 

You tell them things they might've already known, things that can be found online about you. You tell them that you met Yunho when you were little, you tell them about your job when the girl that Park Seognhwa chose above going to the gala with you joins and then you direct the conversation to her instead of you. 

They tell you about Yunho’s college life, the parties and the embarrassing moments that you've missed all while he talks with his friends about something, all against the vip balcony railing while they watch the band perform. Gyuri is there too, arm to arm with Wooyoung and they tell you they used to be together. 

It shows, especially when you get up to join Yunho and watch the performance and she snuggles a bit closer to Wooyoung to make space for you. 

Even if there's plenty of space already. 

He looks at you when you bump into him, smiling and leaning into your space a bit to talk over the music “There you are. I thought I lost you to girl talk!” 

You roll your eyes.

“Your friend's are nice.” 

“Normal people usually are, Y/N.” 

Scoffing, you focus on the main vocal of the band. The only girl up on the stage, too and you convince yourself that's more interesting than the way Yunho seems to sparkle when he's with his people “Well, that explains why you're everything but nice.” 

He laughs “I am nice, just not to you.” 

“No, yeah, trust me, I know.” 

“You seem quiet around them,” he turns to look at the girls for a brief moment “And you're usually, obnoxiously loud. Everything alright?” 

You know he's asking about your panic attacks. Yes, you feel fine. You took your pills with your lunch and, considering the small space you're at gives you brief anxiety, mixed with the general nervousness of being with people you don't know, it could be worse. 

But, like you said, his friends are nice. 

You don't exactly fit in this group, but they make you believe you're a part of them at least for a little while and you know your friends, or the people you usually hang out with when you go out, wouldn't give a stranger the chance if presented with it. 

“I'm fine, I'm just… Intimidated.” 

“You just said they are nice, Y/N.” 

“And they're all very good looking, which is unfair and nerve wracking,” you add with a scoff and hear him giggle before you turn to him again. “You said you wanted to hang out with me but it's been forty minutes and you barely said anything,” you give him a look, “so you just wanted the ride, hm? Asshole.” 

“Needy,” he returns, pushing you with his arm, “I also wanted you to meet them. They're a huge part of who I am and I know it’s not this way for everybody, but I do believe you can gather who someone is if you meet the people they surround themselves with.” 

What does that say about me, is what you want to tell him and then his words from a second ago cross your mind. 

It's not this way for everybody. 

He knows and there's something so deeply fucked up about his understanding of you because is not supposed to be this way. You hate Yunho, he hates you and keeping each other at arm's length has always been the norm. 

It baffles you how quickly he can leave his preconceptions of you behind and open the door to his comfy bubble, invite you in and make you feel welcomed where you otherwise don't belong. 

He understands. It makes you smile and he smiles back, close to you both physically and emotionally, and so you're sure you don't need to add anything to this moment you two are having. 

Instead, you shake your head “I don't know why they hang out with you, then,” you turn to the stage one more time and there’s some tension between the band all of the sudden. You don't ask, Yunho is not paying attention to them right now anyway “I still think you wanted the free ride. Send me the gas money when you get home.” 

“When you take me home.” 

“No, you're walking back,” your fingers take a hold of his forearm, pinching it and gaining an exaggerated reaction to the mild pain it causes back from him “asshole.” 

“And get him again for me!” Wooyoung shouts to your left and you both turn to see almost everyone staring at you. 

It's almost enough to make your cheeks burn. Almost. 

When it's almost time for you to go home (the hour you said you were staying turned to two hours) and the band gets down the stage, Seonghwa sits beside you. 

“Did you paint over it?” Is the first thing you ask him and he frowns before understanding. 

“The tree in your brother's office? Nah. He said we should keep it.” 

Your brother has no taste. 

“It's a horrendous tree, Mr Park,” you insist, shaking your head when he makes a noise to disagree. “Please be sure to take it down at some point, behind his back if it's necessary.” 

“Miss Kim,” he starts and you realize whatever he's about to say, it's not about that goddamned tree, “when you asked me to go to a party with you, was it the gala you and Yunho went to?” 

He's direct and blunt and you are grateful that he addresses the topic straight ahead instead of walking around it like the girls did. 

You nod “Yes, I wanted to say I had someone to go with so they wouldn't force Yunho and I to…” 

“I understand.” 

“I'm glad you said no, though. She likes you a lot,” you point to his date, she's jamming along to a rock song you don't recognize in the slightest with Hongjoong, who just joined the group in the vip area with the rest of the band. The vocalist it's missing, however and you wonder where she went, “And you like her too, so that's good. I'm glad.” 

“And you don't like Yunho?” 

The chuckle that bubbles out of you comes out a little more nervous than what you intended “He's, um… An old friend.” 

“He told us you were trying to be friends,” he says and you blink, wondering what else Yunho told them, “but that's not what I'm asking.” 

“I know what you're asking, I know what some of you think it's going to happen,” your eyes land on Yunho, his arm around Hongjoong and they're both laughing at something Mingi said. There's that pull again, your chest feels heavy with something you've never felt before “but it is not going to happen.” 

Yunho catches your eye and smiles, says something to his friends and then starts making his way up to you two. 

Seonghwa, instead of getting offended at your very direct refusal of his intentions, just laughs at you “Famous last words, Miss Kim.” 

“Paint over the stupid tree and I might reconsider your point, Mr Park.” 

He opens his mouth to say something else but then Yunho interrupts, a hand on your shoulder. 

He's so touchy. You never actually took into account if he enjoys physical touch or not, but his hands are always on someone.  On you, when you're close to him. 

“We're leaving.” He says and he's talking to Seonghwa, not you. 

“We all are?” 

“Nope, just us. Princess has a curfew.” 

“Aw,” you place your hand on top of his, pretending to be moved, “yes you do!” 

Harshly but also half-joking (you think) he moves his hand away and turns around “I'll be waiting for you downstairs, you witch.” 

You watch him say his goodbyes and flash you his middle finger before, effectively, going down the stairs. Laughing as you stand up, you return your eyes to Seonghwa “Stop it.” 

“I'm just saying—” 

“Shut up.” 

Seonghwa laughs again and you say goodbye to everyone, Mingi giving you a look that reads as be careful with him and you want to clarify that nothing is ever going to happen. 

But some of them think otherwise. 

When you get downstairs, the crowd overwhelms you all over again and, just when you think Yunho might've actually left you, there's a hand that closes over yours. 

The hand spins you around and Yunho comes into view with his lips curled upwards into a teasing smirk “This way, princess.” 

Suspicious (about the fact that he's navigating the crowd towards anything but the exit, not about his flirtatious ways), you tug at him to make him stop “What are you up to?” 

He ignores your question, moving fast and through a deserted hallway where music doesn’t really get through and, after that, he opens a door that leads to the back of the musty bar. 

“Are you bringing me here so I can get robbed, Yunho?” 

He huffs out a laugh, kind of offended but not really “Obviously, Y/N. It wasn’t because someone was taking pictures of us all night at all.” 

His hand is on yours still as he drags you to the streets and to where you think your car is. You’re grateful he’s holding you, your heart dropping at his words. Not because people can’t know you came to this bar, or that you’re with Yunho, but because someone recognized you and you didn’t notice.

You always notice.  

But this time, you felt so comfortable inside a bubble that isn’t yours that you allowed someone to disrespect you like this. 

Worst, disrespect someone else who’s supposed to be with you like this. 

“Are you sure it was us and the person wasn’t taking pictures of Hongjoong? He’s kind of the buzz around here, Jeong.” You try to joke to calm the beating of your heart down, swallowing hard as you get to your car. 

Your hand shakes a little as you press the buttons to unlock the doors and, by the time you get into the car you’re sweating. You feel the moisture on the back of your neck like a warning, it tells you that you need to calm down before actually getting on the street but Yunho’s words don’t help at all. 

“That's what I thought but then I realized the phone was following you.” 

“Great,” you gulp again, starting the car and turning on the ac just to have something to distract you and your hands. "You didn't have to leave with me, though. You just needed to tell me and—” 

“We’re together, aren't we? At least to them, we are, so leaving together it's the least they expect us to do.” 

Expect. You hate that he's right, that he was able to think rationally and you hate that he regards the situation you're both in with a little more maturity than a few days ago. 

This turn in his personality is overwhelming to say the least. There's only so much concealing you can do before it shows that you're starting to care about him genuinely, beyond the pr and the arranged relationship.

“Thank you.” You mutter after a few seconds of silence where he checked his phone. 

He looks up from it a few seconds, smiles at you a little and then returns his attention to the screen. It takes a few seconds of the ac blasting in your face and the sound of the keyboard of his phone to return you to the ground, panic dissipating when he looks back up again. 

“Are you sure you don't want to sneak back? I don't mean to steal you from your friends, Yunho.” 

“You are my friend, princess.” Without really wanting to, your nose scrunches at the corniness of the statement and he rolls his eyes. “Don’t make that face. Look, I was searching online for the pictures or videos they might've taken at the bar and I found this.” 

He turns his phone and although your panic went away, the feeling is replaced by a little bit of anger: It's a picture of you both, Jaemi in your arms, her face covered by your hair and shoulder. Yunho is staring at you both sweetly, like you remembered he did and you are mid sentence. 

It's not the face you're making in the picture that upsets you, it's the fact that someone took that moment and posted it online for everyone to see. 

“You don't like it.” He says and you take a swing of air before replying. 

“I do like the picture, I don't like what it means,” and he's about to ask what you mean, you see it in his eyes but you stop him with a shake of your head. “I don't like that they took that moment away from me, from us.” 

You don't know why you say it like that but you do, there's this emotion laced on your voice that, a week ago, you would've fought to keep away from him. He was never supposed to see any of this. In fact, no one was supposed to see any side of you that wasn't perfectly crafted to their liking, to your mother's liking. 

Yunho getting to know you like this wasn't part of your plan. So you ignore the sting on your chest at his pained expression caused by what you say next. 

“From now on, let's not allow them to take moments away from us. Let's meet when we're scheduled to, during the week and not on weekends and—” 

“Let's go.” 

“Yeah, I'll take you home and then maybe we can tell our moth—” 

“No, no. Just… Let's go here,” he tips and taps at the screen of your car, placing an address inside the gps you're unfamiliar with, “and then we can go home.” 

Confused and in a surprising complaint mood, you start to back out of the parking spot. At the questions written all over your face, he simply places a hand on your knee and squeezes there. It does nothing to calm you down but it does distract you for a second. 

Which is bad. Cause you're driving and all, so you bat his hand away with yours and he laughs at the dead look you send his way. 

“Where are we going?” 

“I want to show you something.” 

“Jeong Yunho, are you sneaking me into your dorm room?” 

“Shhhh.” 

A finger on your lips is the only thing you get as a response before he pokes his head out, into the badly lit hallway of what you can only presume is his dorm room. 

His digit is replaced by your hand because you're trying very hard no to burst out laughing at his very specific change of placement. He sprints to the wall in front of you and moves his hand, urging you to follow his footsteps. 

You do, only much slower than what he intended, you guess, because as soon as you're on his reach he grabs your arm and collides his body with yours. His lips near your cheek when he looks down, his words a whisper. 

“The cameras are old and they don't catch fast movements that well, so we have to run.” 

It takes five good seconds to try and contain your laugh again before replying: “Okay… Mister Bond.” 

His face falls. “Y/N, I can get in serious trouble for bringing you here.” He deadpans and you nod, fast and unserious. 

“Yeah, no, I can totally see that.” 

“I hate you.” 

You smile all the way up to his room, his anxious behavior a little strange because, well, you see a girl casually exiting a room on the base floor as you go upstairs. She's flushed and giggling as she types on her phone, so you don't understand what big deal is. 

Especially when Yunho all but shoves you into a room you can only assume is his, your kitty heels almost making you trip with the shoe rack by the entrance. 

“You're the most dramatic person I have ever met, Jeong.” 

“Hall monitors are a thing here, Y/N and I don't want to get banned from the team!” 

“What team?” 

Now that you think about it, this does seem like one of the dorms reserved for sports teams in the school you graduated from. This one is smaller, definitely not as luxurious and allegedly has a faulty security system but that's besides the point: there's banners and posters on the walls all the way from the entrance to this room that kind of smells like soju and beer. 

“The dance team!” He says as you step further into the room. 

“I didn't know you dance.” 

There's enough space for two beds, two desks that are pressed together on one corner of the room, in front of one of the beds, giving the illusion of being one cohesive piece of furniture when it's not. In front of the other bed there's a corner mirror and a bedside table with old energy drink cans and one unopened, undrinked water bottle. 

“I didn't know you painted until recently.” 

“I don't,” you argue, throwing your purse on one of the beds before Yunho takes it and places it into the other one. You assume that's his. "You are allowed to have a dorm here for shaking your little ass on stage a few times, Jeong?” 

Your teasing makes him frown but you can only smile at the reaction, arms crossed as you take one more look around the room. 

“I do more than shaking my great ass on stage, princess. Besides, this makes me somewhat very independent from my parents,” he shrugs “And I'm close to the campus. It's a win, win situation for me.”

“Yeah, I'll give you that.” And it's true: you can't really argue against being away from your parents. He's lucky he's able to do it, least to some degree. “You still have to go to your house on weekends, no?” 

“Yeah,” he sighs and when you return your eyes to him, he's making his bed. He looks a little ashamed of the state he left the room in when he catches you staring. “But I think I can allow myself to stay here on weekends now, too, considering they forced me into our little… Arrangement.” 

“Yeah, because your mother is all but allowing you to do things this week. Really, Yunho, don't test the woman’s patience.” 

He frowns at you “What side are you on?” 

“The side where we get scolded the least until this whole thing is over, Yunho!” 

“Look, I understand that you care deeply for your parents approval and we've gone through this already this week but—” 

“But what?” 

You hope the look you send him makes him choose his words very carefully. You don't think it gets the message across when he takes a breath and shrugs. 

“But at some point you're going to have to let go of that, Y/N, you're clearly not happy.” 

“Stop caring so much about my happiness, Yunho.” 

“We're friends, that's what a friend is supposed to—” 

“Oh, stop that.” 

He looks taken aback by your interruption and your tone, but the whole leaving the bar because someone was taking pictures of you knocked some sense of reality into you and now you're upset. 

You don't want to scream, you don't want to fight with him because today has been so good. Good to you, good to him, good to people who are dear to you and to him, but it's so hard. 

It's hard when he understands some of it but not the full picture and it's hard when your walls are down, your feelings are on your sleeve and your words spill out of your mouth without a second thought. 

“We're not friends, Yunho. We've never been friends, we were not brought together to be just friends and you may think otherwise because you have the opportunity to live like this,” you point to his bed, “and go to bars and concerts and make noise within the crowds because you're tall and attractive, not because of your last name but I am never going to have that.” 

Feet moving to their own accord, you cross the space as you speak, until you have to look up at him and that pained expression you saw before heading towards his dorm is back, that pained expression he gave you back at the gala when he found you in that room, that pained expression he had when he fought with his mom in front of you. 

You hate it. Not because he might be in some sort of pain, but because it makes you feel bad that you are the one that's causing it. 

“I am never going to have this, Yunho. So yeah, I'm unhappy and bitter and sad and I've developed a whole panic disorder because of it but that's just what—” 

“God, you're impossible.” 

What? 

“W-what?” 

“‘That's just what it's meant to happen’. Is that what you were going to say? ‘That's just the way things are’,” he mocks and that hurts you but he doesn't back down even at the way you physically recoil at his words. 

He moves to the floor, knees hitting hard as he drops and looks for something under his bed. 

You don't need to be here. But before you announce that you're leaving, he does something that ignites your curiosity: he pulls out a box. 

A box with the name of the highschool you attended together in it. You have that box, or at least you think you do, somewhere in the storage of your house where no one can find it because, like almost everything in your life, there's no happy memories in it.

You're not sure if there's happy memories for Yunho, but the way he harshly opens it and rumages inside to find something specific tells you otherwise. 

“The other day, after seeing the canvases in your room, I tried to remember if you liked painting,” he starts and gets up, a mid-sized blue photo album on his hand with the name of the school and your classes slogan engraved in gold on the side, “I tried to remember things I'm supposed to know about you, because we grew up together, Y/N.” 

His reminder makes you gulp. 

“I've tried to distance myself from you as much as I can because I never thought that we would need to get along and— No, no, I never thought I would want to get along with you but now I do and so I went home and I stole this from my mother's office.” 

He opens the album and, at first, you only see pictures of him. Him at his graduation day, him at that one soccer event where he almost broke his nose, him at the school yard with guys from your class you barely remember and then he gets to a specific part of the album. Instead of a picture, there's a card with beautiful handwriting that reads your name instead. 

“See, I always hated that my mother seemed to adore you. She doesn't have any daughters, so I thought it was a way of living that through you and that your mother was a little weird for allowing it to happen, but I was wrong,” he hands you the album and you scowl a little at the pictures you see of yourself, pictures that you've never seen before tonight, “And so, when she asked me to take pictures of you at school events she couldn't attend or your parents couldn't attend, I did it because of that. But I realized recently that she never wanted this for herself.” 

There's a picture of you at a piano recital where you came in third because you sucked at it. There's a picture of you on stage, on school assembly day, accepting a medal for your academic excellency. There's a picture of you next to the school’s art gallery, where you were able to display the canvases you painted throughout your senior year, at your teacher’s insistent request. There's a picture of you in the art gallery, someone you don't recognize or don't really remember is talking to you, their hands pointing at an abstract piece you did. 

It's the only picture where you're genuinely smiling. 

You trace the picture caged with the protective film of the album with the pad of your finger, softly, over that smile and wait for it to disappear but it doesn't. 

You look at Yunho, eyes almost teary with confusion and sentiment. 

“She never wanted this for herself because, although she loves you, she doesn't care about any of this when you're already the perfect match for me in her eyes” he smiles a little, his finger joining yours on the page. “She doesn't care if you got third or first place here, she doesn't give a fuck about your academic achievements and she definitely doesn't give a shit if you're an artist or not,” his finger connects with yours, over your immortalized smile on the picture “but I do.” 

Your head starts to shake, your mind starts to reject his words right away. He cares? About you? No, no. It can be, he— 

He's nodding, stepping close and letting his eyes move away from you just a millisecond so he can stare at the picture “If it makes you this happy, I do. And I did, I don't… I don't remember exactly everything I thought about you as I took these pictures, Y/N, I was probably very annoyed,” he laughs a little and you do too, softly, barely, “but I probably cared back then too, I just… Well, what I'm trying to say is that you can be happy, you can have this and—” 

You don't know what does it. Is it his speech? This whole I was supposed to hate you but I don't think I ever did feeling that washes over you, like some sort of light in the midst of a very long period of darkness? Is it the lingering curve of his lips as he looks at your face in that picture and then back at you with stars in his eyes? Is it the way his finger brushes against yours shyly, like he intended to do it but he's not so sure how you would react to it? 

Is it the way he looked at you this afternoon, while Jaemi was speaking nonsense into your hair? Is it the fact that, at some point during the drive, you looked over and saw him smiling at his phone, at the picture that stole your moment with him this afternoon? 

What exactly prompts you to shut the photo album, let it fall to the floor and close the distance between your lips is beyond you but, if you're being honest with yourself, it doesn't really matter. 

Kissing Yunho feels like defiance, like rebellion against yourself and your principles and your values. It makes your heartbeat happily against your ribcage and that's, maybe, what makes you pull away from the close-lipped encounter. 

He just told you that you can be happy, but your mind can't just accept it so easily. 

Also, he didn't exactly kiss you back. 

His lips are parted when you look at him again, his pupils going all over your face like trying to get ahold of what the fuck just happened. 

This is so embarrassing. 

“I shouldn't have done that,” you start, in a whisper, tiptoes going down until you're back from the clouds on the ground. “I'm so, so sorry. I'll leav—” 

Briefly, you wonder what makes Yunho grab the side of your face and kiss you back, this time with a foreign emotion pouring into the kiss that you, somehow, feel equipped to return as your lips move in tandem with his. 

You wonder if what makes his free hand move to your waist and press you flush against him is, in any way, motivated by some sort of pity. 

His tongue brushing softly against yours for the first time makes your insecurity go away. It makes everything else go away, including that alarm inside of your head that tells you that you're making a mistake. 

It’s blasting red, dangerous and irrevocable red, but you think you confuse the color of it with the blush on Yunho’s cheek when you push a little onto him and he falls to the bed. You confuse the sound with the sigh that he lets out when he pulls you to him and your first instinct is to sit on his lap, leg on each side of him, hand fisting his shirt as you capture his lips again. 

His warmth engulfs you when his arms go around you, press you into him again and settle you further into his lap so you’re not awkwardly hovering over it anymore. There’s this need that takes over you, struggling to come up to the surface. You think he feels it too and, when your hips move out of pure want, he opens his legs a little more. 

Adrenaline rushing through you, making you confuse the sensation for pure euphoria, it takes two more thrusts into the material of his jeans for you to come to your senses. 

What the hell are you doing? 

Your heart races, for a different reason now. 

What the hell do you think you’re doing? 

Panic rising, you push Yunho’s shoulder with your hands, pulling you both away from the kiss completely. He has a pout on his lips, swollen from your kisses and flushed pink. They look very inviting, and although there’s a part of you that wants to give in, there’s the other side of you, the louder side, that’s telling you to think clearly. 

Giving into Yunho, is giving into your mother’s wishes fully. Giving into Yunho means she won. 

And Yunho thinks you are able to be happy one day, the words you cut off still ringing in your mind and they cover your fears with hope you never felt before, hope that you didn’t think you deserved to feel in the first place. His kisses had that taste, too. 

But you don’t think you can let your mother win.  

“Dinner.” You manage to say, untangling his hands off your waist, using them to help you up and off his lap.  

“W-what?” 

“It’s almost nine, I have to go to dinner with my brother.” You fix your shirt, tuck your hair behind your ear and bend over him to grab your purse before clearing your throat, “I know the way out.” 

“Y/N, don’t—” 

“I’ll see you next thursday.” 

When you sprint out of the room and close the door behind you, you already want to go back in. 

But running is sensible, it’s what you’re supposed to do. 

It doesn’t matter that hot, angry tears are wetting your cheeks. 

It’s what’s best for everyone, including him.

If you read all the way down here: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

© jensthwa, 2024.

[imagobin]

🩵Leorio Boyfriend HCs🩵

Because we need more Leorio content!! Here's just a lil love story in the form of HCs as I often do... cause I can't just make a list of stuff lmao enjoyyy! I can feel my HxH phase dwindling but I still wanted to put these ones out here.

Meeting at the library:

It was kind of cliché, he saw you struggling to get a book from a high-up shelf, and after getting it for you, Leorio mostly just went on with his business.

However, it is difficult not to meet people more than once when you're all in a campus, so needless to say, you and Leorio would accidentally be seeing each other a lot in the library, getting ready for exams and the like.

Things took a turn when one afternoon, after classes, you saw him in the library, sitting at a desk and looking a bit glum. At this point you're not even really acquaintances, you two just know the other exists, and sometimes you wave at each other... but it's not normal for him to look so down.

You decide to just casually sit next to him, it wouldn't be the first time that's happened anyway... you try to act normally study for a bit, trying to find the right moment to ask him if everything is okay, until you hear him sigh for like- the third time in five minutes. You finally pose the question.

At first, Leorio tries to convince you it's nothing... but it doesn't take much for him to actually talk about what's on his mind. Three minutes of complete silence were enough to convince him to spill the beans. He needs to talk about it with someone, and the person he knows from the library is the closest thing he's got to a friend!

He ends up rambling to you about his troubles with actually keeping his grades high, plus the worry the friends he's made outside of college will drift away from him, one already is, it's making him stressed and he's struggling to focus on studying as a consequence, BUT HE WANTS TO BE A DOCTOR REAL BAD!!

You listen to him, a little baffled that it took so little for the floodgates to open.

Grabbing Coffee:

The following day, Leorio is acting a bit more awkward around you... he can't believe he actually talked so much about his own problems to someone he barely even knew... and he was 100% sober when he did that.

He's very grateful that you actually listened to him though, so... to pay you back for being a good person, he asks if he can ever offer you a coffee or something sometime...

He's blushing. It's not romantic or anything... he does think you're pretty attractive though... I mean what do you expect, he's a simple guy, but this is REALLY just about paying you back! He swears to it!

And it really was like that the first time he asked you out for coffee.

It was a pleasant outing, you two finally got to talk properly. Leorio seems genuinely interested in what you mention about yourself, asking more questions, keeping the conversation alive.

What was supposed to be a one time thing, soon became a more frequent occurrence, until basically every day, after class, you two would meet up in that cafe to get a snack, a drink and chat.

The fact that Leorio was a naturally affectionate guy didn't help your developing feelings at all. It was not uncommon during your later "coffee dates", for him to let those goodbye hugs linger a bit longer, or for his arm to wrap around your shoulders whenever the conversation slowed down a bit and left room for a comfortable silence.

You liked that... and you liked that he was fun, a little dorky, and above all one of the kindest people you'd ever met.

On the other hand, he himself was trying to manage his feelings. He liked you, he knew he did, but he didn't know if he could handle both a relationship AND med school at the same time.

He'd have to juggle two things that were very important for him... and he was a passionate guy, meaning he always gave 100% in everything he was focused on... could he handle that?

Confession:

He finally realizes what he needs to do. You're the first person in a long loooong time that actually managed to understand him, he couldn't lose his chance with you.

The actual confession part was extremely anti-climactic, the fact your feelings were mutual was no secret, but it was definitely nice to hear you say you felt the same.

From then on, things became definitely more... cuddly.

Studying in the library had become a rarer occurrence, because Leorio had found another prime spot to study on... your lap.

You'd think that would distract him, but actually it just helped him relax and focus better... also head pats while he's studying, extremely important to avoid headaches.

Thanks to your relationship, his stress has gone down and he's been able to perform better in tests!

Of course, he's not all about studying and books. He makes sure to take you on dates frequently, whether you like more relaxed homey dates like watching movies together, or taking you out to dance- everything's game to him, as long as you're having fun!

And the cuddles and kisses?? They're the absolute best. He picks you up effortlessly every time, wraps himself around you, peppers your face, neck and shoulders with kisses- the whole thing.

I'm not joking, he's really affectionate, and it helps him relax too.

He can hold back on the PDA if you're not into it, but when it's just the two of you, it's cuddle hour until either you pull away, or he falls asleep.

[arokel]

10 questions for 10 writers

thank you so much for the tag @strangethings-everywhere ! secretly I've always wanted to do one of these

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

Way of life for sure; I'm basically never not thinking about it. I start to feel awful and purposeless if I go too long without writing at least something.

2. A journal full of notes or a clean completed manuscript?

Clean completed manuscript, unfortunately. I wish I could be less persnickety about my first drafts but so far that hasn't happened. I do sometimes make extensive outlines though and those are always by hand, but they're usually pretty clean too :/ no scribbly scribbly for me

3. Who or what inspired your writing?

I've been writing since I was five years old and telling stories since I could talk, so I guess I'll say that when I was first reading chapter books I asked my parents why books always have a few blank pages at the end and they said it was so you had space to continue the story yourself if you wanted. They made it up on the spot and they don't remember saying it at all, but it's always stuck with me.

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Listening to me sing, 100%. I post my barely-edited first drafts on ao3 all the time lmao. But I also feel like with a first draft it's easy to say hey this is a first draft, if there's stuff you don't like I'm happy to hear criticism! Whereas with singing, that's just your voice. You can practice the song but at some point whether they like it or not just comes down to something about you that you can't change. (Although I am a hashtag classically trained singer so my feelings of needing to live up to that might not be universal.) (Don't ask me to sing opera for you because I don't actually like opera.)

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

I think most of the perspective changes that have come out of stories have been from reading for me? Like the first time I was really exposed to the idea of transness was a Harry Potter fic (suck on that, JKR) and that obviously really stuck with me. But I think the desire to write from queer povs really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality, maybe more than actually doing it. I guess writing narrative essays, which I do less frequently than straight up fiction, is usually a way for me to explore things I feel about myself and about the world.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3 foreverrrrrrr. I was on ffn in my misspent youth and Very briefly on lj, but ao3 has been my home since 2014 and it would take a lot to get me to move.

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

646,046, and soon enough it'll jump another 100,000. Honestly not sure how I feel about that.

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

I will never not love Tamora Pierce's Tortall series. I know they're kind of dated and don't hold up in some places, but they've been in my bloodstream so long that they're basically a part of my understanding of the world. They shaped so much of my ideas on literature - how to create compelling characters and relationships, what makes a world believable, what fantasy even is - and honestly I think they're responsible for about 50% of my sense of humor and at least a quarter of my relationship to gender. They were my first fandom and in the end I'll always come back to them.

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

One of my plays deals with a very difficult emotional subject and is quite frankly pretty depressing the whole way through, and after the premiere a friend of mine came up to me and said "it was so so funny; I was laughing the entire time." That's what I always want my writing to do, not so much in fic but out in the world - I want to give people catharsis, and I hope they leave the reading or viewing experience feeling a little better than they did going in. And also I want people to laugh at my jokes.

10. What defines your writing style?

Can I say inconsistency? No but really it's definitely dialogue. I struggle with descriptive prose sometimes, but I never have to work at dialogue. I think it's my strongest area and people always tell me it's snappy (thank you Tamora Pierce). Other than that uhh... too many commas probably.

tagging @violasmirabiles @fregata-magnificens @kjxlll @borealopelta @uwu-dowoon @teaforarteza @icegreyrose @shadowquill17 @ris-d-deridex and using my 10th tag for anyone else who wants to participate!

[sevicia]

Writer Guy's only "friend" who sucks majorly. Notes under da cut. Heart.

Firstly ☝️ he's heavily inspired by the experience of having someone follow you around even after you have told them very explicitly to stop doing so. Writer Guy will look him dead in the eye and say "I don't care about anything you have to say. Leave me alone, you annoy the shit outta me", and he'll just go "Bro you're always so funny LOL I'm probably the only one that gets ur sense of humor. Anyways, about my new podcast idea..."

This guy's deal is that he's obsessed with others' perception of him. He's an aspiring influencer and can't decide between being a youtuber, a streamer, or having a podcast. He's into crypto and defends NFTs like it's his job.

He met Writer Guy in college and has stuck to him like a leech ever since, even though they only had a few classes together. His reasoning was that Writer Guy seemed like the lone-wolf type and thus would attract attention with his ~mysterious~ charm, when in reality he was so boring that no one really paid him any mind. If you ask any of their ex-classmates, you'll find that no one really remembers either of them.

He spends a lot of time in r/shortguys and gets frustrated that he can't relate to the whole "women only ever pay attention to tall guys and we manlets are all martyrs" thing cause he's never even tried to get with a girl (he will lie about this). He's gay as hell but in almost complete denial. Genuinely believes stuff like "it's not gay with the socks on".

Unserious images that remind me of him:

I also gotta mention that his role in Mary and Writer Guy's story is very, very minimal, and that he never actually meets Mary. His story is a typical yaoi one where he falls in love with some guy and has one of those cliché "I'm not gay... why do I feel like this towards another man ?!?!!" moments. I chose to do it this way cuz I think it's funny as fuck to have him experience a romcom type thing while Writer Guy is basically Spongebob in the Silent Hill corridor.

I admit I'm not 100% sold on his hair, but it's brown for sure. Why? It just makes sense.

Some design notes including the other two:

Writer Guy is generally apathetic and would be considered boring at a surface level by 99,9% of the population. He teaches philosophy (ethics, specifically) at the college Mary attends, though they weren't aware of each other before The Events. His lectures are notoriously boring and many of his students sleep thru class or just skip them completely, but he passes them all anyways.

He's a writer in his spare time and writes trashy extreme horror on his (anonymous) blog, which is how Mary becomes aware of him. Stuff happens, his superiors (who are at best ambivalent towards him) find out about his hobby, he gets fired and doesn't care enough to defend himself or to raise any concerns about the school's attitude towards its teachers' private lives.

I also forgot to include his "On" design in the above pic, so here, a comparison:

I'm very obviously still figuring out how to draw him, but the drawing on the right is what he looks like at work. Just plain dorky and someone you would not look twice at.

I would also talk about his relationship with Mary, but for that I'd need to talk about Mary first, which I can't do rn cuz this post is already long enough and it's nearing 3 AM and she makes me absolutely BONKERS insane to the point I barely even know where to start when I wanna talk about her.

She's the only OC I have ever made a playlist for. I wish she was someone else's character so I could look at her without having to do the work myself.

A little fun fact about her is she used to dye her hair black before The Events. All I got for you rn.

OK that's all from me. For neoww...... Muah!

[frost-felon]

@ my anonymous asker: Your initial ask got eaten by Tumblr, so I'll be posting this as a separate post. You had two asks, so I'll address them both here, which works well, as I started ranting about the femme rep, lmao.

absolutely, like, 100% agree with you on everything you've said about the horrific lack of development with the interpersonal relationships between all the characters in jjk. the unexplained timeskip before the gojo vs sukuna fight made me SO MAD !!!!!!!! seeing it mentioned offhandedly. did such a massive disservice to gojo's character having his reactions to multiple deaths simply written out and missed so many opportunities for a more fulfilling narrative.

in general i feel that the relationships between characters in jjk are so... flimsily written. i have whole essays about how completely unexplored yuji and kenjaku are and how all the characters post-culling-game have suffered in favor of dishing out cool fights with fake-feeling emotional stakes. gege please start writing fights in a meaningful way... more than that please explore character dynamics outside of a purely tactical/background info way... is this the same man who wrote hidden inventory

Second ask:

my god don't even get me started on yorozu. atp the 'gege hates women' jokes can't even be dismissed that lightly I saw tsumiki's reawakening in the last jjk episode and literally said out loud don't piss me off again

Ah, thank you. I've been a bit worried about the in-universe time in JJK. If I'm not mistaken, the story starts at some point in June, and for the Juvenile Detention Center Arc/Super Happy Fun Killing Yuji Time, some point in July. Of course, Shibuya happens on the day/night of October 31st, and likely the wee hours of November 1st. The entirety of the Culling Games Arc takes place in about two weeks of November, as I recall; actually, maybe less, since the very start indicates that Yuji was on the run for a week. So many short timeskips happened early on, and had negative effects on developing characterization and worldbuilding, both of which I've thought were weak since the beginning. Worldbuilding moreso, but characterization issues were especially apparent with the second-years of Tokyo JJH and all of the Kyoto cast. This caused quite a crunch on Culling Games, since so much needed to happen over a short period of time, leading to a jumbled, molasses pace.

It's actually really interesting to me that Sukuna would agree to postpone the fight to nearly the end of December, and this would have given us more time to explore the newer characters and solidify the older ones; we really needed more interactions between Yuji and others that weren't full of misery. Or seeing Gojo adapting to life back outside the Prison Realm, especially given that so much has changed; for a character that values reforming society and raising a self-assured, powerful new generation, losing that society should lead to a re-evaluation of his priorities. Or like...develop Ieri! Hana! Miwa! And kill off Mei Mei or actually address her position within the cast.

Yeah, one of my biggest problems from the get-go was feeling that Megumi & Nobara was a dynamic that had been left to the wayside, even during early Kyoto Goodwill Arc. And those had been characters that were meant to interact regularly...literally what attachment did Higuruma have to anyone that wasn't Yuji?¹ I adore Yuji's relationships, but he's barely been allowed to have any after Shibuya. How is Choso doing, now that the only people (Yuki & Tengen) not related to him are dead or robbed of agency?

Speaking of...hoo boy, Tengen is a hell of a topic to untangle. And most femme characters really don't get to do anything. Nobara is fun, but suffered since day one with a lack of plot presence, and literally being removed from battlefields/character conflicts, lmao. Ieri straight-up doesn't matter, especially as the manga goes on--but even in Hidden Inventory, which I do think is likely the peak of JJK, she has no real impact. You could basically replace her with a medpack, and little would change. Mai gets a very good conflict with Maki, but just about nothing between then and her death. Maki has given up her niche and much of what made her engaging to become...a serial killer on the good side, suspiciously Toji-shaped. I really didn't like Perfect Preparation, and I dread re-reading it.

But "Gege hates women" was less of a joke to me, and more a hyperbolic version of a statement that I do believe in: "Gege shows a clear apathy and disregard for his femme characters." I noticed very early on in my initial read-through (to the end of 145) that many of the femme characters were simply treated differently than much of the male cast, and often given less to do. One time that I was truly disgusted, though, was how Remi (the lady with hair like a scorpion's tail, and a dependent personality) was handled, even before her ultimate fate in Culling Games. So much of that simply rubbed me the wrong way, and felt genuinely offensive, both in regards to women and to dependent personality-type individuals. And what happened to her later...man, those panels gross me the fuck out with how much they sexualize a woman who's about to get trafficked. I definitely have a lot to say on that, but I want to make sure I can actually post this before Tumblr fucks me over again.

As a note, I don't use materials outside of the story to gauge the effectiveness of the writing (and it's also because I'm a Naruto fan, so I know the Hell of databooks, nevermind some of the other art I enjoy), but I may be missing some things. Feel free to continue to make asks or to reach out to me via DMs. I do enjoy discussing JJK, whether it be for things it does well, things it does poorly, or for other reasons.

¹We did get some Higuruma & Kusakabe, but this came in late, and then Higuruma died, lmao.

[legrandefungus]

The 4 in the morning fugus thoughts:

I wonder what would happen if the premise I attached to my EoS AU was given to the other PMD games? Where someone with knowledge on the game enters it and takes it VERY poorly, everything somewhat getting worse from there. The story deviating more and more as the Hero changes things.

I'm thinking it's an interesting thought!

I'm not too well-versed on Red and Blue Rescue Team, but! Gengar's a time bomb, A.C.T. is a time bomb. Everyone around them could lead to that triggering event where the Hero and the Partner are hunted down by everyone. At the same time, they would have to befriend Gengar enough without tipping him off that they know the truth. Though, at least the plan is simple: Get Rayquaza to deal with the meteor whilst having an exit plan from the netherworld. Of course, with how things are, it's always better to have a backup plan. Even if they get a bit dangerous, they just need to get to Rayquaza.

Now, admittedly, I barely have any knowledge of Gates to infinity. However, reading a plot synopsis gives a few braincells. Struggling on whether to dance around the main point. But most of all? Being so completely unphased by the effects of Bittercold on everyone. It's not like humans act much different on a day to day basis. I'm sure Hydreigon would be quite confused about the Hero. Being unaffected by the increasing hostility through the mundanity of normal life. The horrors will come along, people will fight and layoffs will happen. But that will pass, and time continues going; food still needs to be made, and the dishes still need to be cleaned.

Now, Super Mystery Dungeon is something I've played to completion. Therefore, I can say with 100% confidence that it would be an extreme tightrope of information management. The Hero knows who all the players are and is split on what to do. It's not like there's a safety net, the game opens with Nuzleaf and the Beheeyem. The Hero lives in the same house with him for the first part of the game. There's actually a bit of an opposite issue here than with Explorers of Sky: There's too many options on where to go. Theoretically, the Hero could go straight for the Tree of Life, as they would know exactly where Dark Matter is. Of course, this is unfeasible, as it's instead locked behind several conditions here and there. At the same time, they already know that everyone around them is a lie. Their friend is Mew and will be the one to disappear; Nuzleaf and Espurr will betray them, the former returning for a difficult fight. Not to mention how many more Pokémon there are in PSMD. There're missions where they talk to Pokémon or meet someone in a cafe, can't let anything slip. At the same time, they have to convince Ampharos of things, and go to as many lategame dungeons as possible for high quality items. Sparkling tiles galore leads to high amounts of stat-boosting items, which means a greater chance that the both of them can make it to Dark Matter at the end.

I'm sure there's more to this, but am a bit eepy so I'm stoppin it there.

Apologies for the rambling format. It's nearly 5 in the morning as I'm about to post this.

Also if yall got anything to add, feel free to reblog this and attach some braincells of yer own!

[bunny-hare]

Silly Game Time: Who are some of your favorite magician characters? And what do you like about them?

They can be of any class or variety of magic-user (wizard, witch, sorcerer, warlock, healer, druid, etc.), of any race or species, so long as using magic is *primarily* their thing in the story. Not just something they do occasionally, but something that is a major element of their role and their identity.

OOOOOOH BOY-! THIS WILL BE LONG! (And possibly involve a lot of Final Fantasy).

First of all, possibly the best example-

VIVI! From Final Fantasy IX! He's just a little guy and I love him for it! Condemned to die young (as he's made basically from pure magic) but determined to live his best life! Vivi is nothing but a sweetie that always sees the best on everyone and everything, he must be protected at all costs. On that last note: his sibling relationship with the protagonist, Zidane, is DIVINE! I really have a soft spot for these.

Cereza/Bayonetta: She's such a fabulous Girlboss. She went through so much trials to be the person she is (or at least is during 1-2, since 3 is a different Bayo as far I'm concerned but- uhhhh I won't get in that can of worms since I haven't played 3 yet) and I honestly love her for going from timid, meek, helpless little girl to the most powerful Umbra Witch. She had good genes ofc, but all that would go to nothing if it hadn't been for her hard work.

Quina (again, from Final Fantasy IX): They're no thoughts, head empty, eating only... which is how they gain spells, so... are they hungry for food? Are they hungry for knowledge? Maybe both? We shall never know as Quina is a riddle and I love them for that, their frog hyperfixation, and their love language being giving food 👏 such a mood.

Soren from Fire Emblem: he's a prince, he's the dragon protecting the tower, he's a damsel on distress, he's an orphan, he's actually not an orphan, he's definitely gay yet pseudo-flirts with the merchant girl to get these sweet discounts and gets away with it bcs home girl likes being flattered, what is there to not love Soren? He has always been of my best units in my every Radiant saga playthrough, I'll forever remember when he killed a buffed up golden tank unit with a staff. Much like Bayonetta, I love how Soren grew from a miserable little lost kid barely surviving on the streets to the master mage/tactician that he's now, he fought hard to have his happy ending at the side of the man that gave him a will to live and he's such a Girlboss for it too.

The Wizards from Terry Pratchett's Discworld book series: they're batshit insane and wasted all their points in intellect completely forgetting they needed wisdom too. They're the Wizards in Arby's before it was even a meme.

And not to make this list much longer as my phone is starting to lag: my current hyperfixation along many, many, many other things:

Ace from Final Fantasy Type 0: I like that he's not such a typical mage even though his movesets are 100% around magic, you won't catch homeboy with a staff, he's got cards to channel that magic. My poor son was basically trained (not to say experimented on) from a young age to have a great magic potential and be the great soldier his mom wanted him to be. I honestly like him better from the complementary content (novelization, mobile game, opera omnia, yadayadayada) as there, there's a much more deeper focus on how much messed up it was, though IG that's also why I like Ace so much, despite it all, and despite trying to keep an stoic bravado, he's just a kid, he wanted to learn to sing and be happy with his chocobos.

[real-total-drama-takes]

Damn emmater actually changed to sierrater. Time to follow through with my promise

Reminder before I begin that I don’t condone sierras actions and think the coderra plotline should have just been an obsessive crush with no physical violations of boundaries and consent

The first thing I adore about sierra is her personality. From the moment she’s introduced in the celebrity manhunt special we get to see her intense passion for total drama- she’s gone the extra mile to learn everything she can about total drama and it’s contestants. She’s just so enthusiastic about getting to meet everyone and I quite admire how excited she was to finally pursue her dream of being on the show. She’s a hilarious goofball every time she’s on screen and will always go the extra mile to fight for what she believes is right. Sierra is a MASTER at challenges and can very easily kick the asses (or save the lives of, remember Niagara brawls) of multiple people if that’s what it takes to achieve her goals.

I see a lot of myself in sierra. I’m autistic and headcanon that sierra is the same. She’s not the best with picking up social cues- Cody aside there’s several moments where she doesn’t seem to understand the hidden meaning behind some people’s actions; the “I think I sat in gum” scene being a good example. Theres a *lot* of instances of her stimming in front of the other contestants and she’s shown to be sensitive to loud noises and bright lights too. Idk, there’s just something about sierra that makes me feel so seen when I watch her in the show. I hate how a lot of autism rep is just white men with special interests in trains or some shit; we need more rep of the negative sides of autism where the failure to pick up social cues can cost us important relationships and make us come off as weirdos to other people and I feel like sierra is that rep.

I completely understand why some people are completely turned off by coderra and that’s 100% valid, but to me coderra remains the best ship of the show’s original run. I do not condone Sierra’s actions, but there were multiple coderra moments that I just couldn’t help but laugh really fucking hard at. Coderra has an amazing end to their story as well- there’s just something really sweet about Cody finally coming around and appreciating sierra as being more than just a stalker when she went the extra mile to celebrate his birthday after not even his parents remembered it. Not to mention Cody would literally be *dead* if it weren’t for sierra. She’s not only taken bullets for him both physically and metaphorically, but the girl straight up went underwater while wheelchair bound, pulled a shark up to land and then beat it up until it spit Cody back out (funny how both of my favorite td ships involve one partner saving the other from a shark I’m just now realizing this lmao) anyways, if not for sierra, Cody would have been shark food. Say what you want about sierra Cody fans but your fav would be dead without her.

I’m of the minority that actually enjoyed sierra during all stars. Yes, the cam-Cody arc was stupid but it did give us a few good jokes (“your ears are wrong and so is your face” gets me every time) but most importantly it proved something. Sierra never once stole Cameron’s stuff, forced herself upon him or went into spaces like his cabin without asking. While yes this is the bare minimum it proves that at the very least she’s made an improvement to her behaviors overtime and might actually be getting the help she needs. Character development is always nice to see!

If any of y’all are interested I actually made a slideshow for her appreciation day on the subreddit last year, it’s mostly the same points that I just gave but this is something I’m genuinely proud of https://www.reddit.com/r/Totaldrama/s/o5KCQJ0ltT

TLDR sierra is an amazing character who I feel strongly deserves more love for her positive qualities

-Sierrover (🐈)

[candikin]

Hi, weren't really in the THSC fandom in 2020? Here's some stuff you may have missed! (Mostly Drama Lol)

(some of this are from 2021... but SSSSH)

1. Henry x Charles Drama

When Fleeing the Complex released, some people were shipping Henry x Ellie. Now going to Completing the Mission, even more people were shipping Henry x Ellie, but there were others who shipped Henry x Charles. For some reason, people started attacking people to shipping them because "Ugh, why ship stickfigures out of all things?". It was very annoying and stupid, and barely anybody attacked Henry x Ellie even though they could fit into most of the points Henry x Charles haters gave

2. Ellie x Dr V Drama

Now I don't know how this started, as I never really cared for Ellie x Dr V, but this ship started getting popular when Henry x Charles drama started to cool down. Many people started attacking people who shipped this because they thought it didn't make sense. To be honest, I agree, but nobody should attack someone for shipping two people who have never met. Plus, most people who shipped Ellie x Dr V at the time did this because they shipped Henry x Charles and didn't want Ellie to be alone

3. Characterization of Terrence Suave

Many people in the fandom who actually started to care for background/side characters started to gravitate towards Terrence, as he is one of the past leaders and is known to be the worst of them all. Many people started portraying him as villain, as many people liked the Toppats but the Toppats... are the main villain of the story. So they needed a new one, which Terrence was perfect for. A lot of people started portraying him as terrible then to pure evil, expect for one thing... some weren't very happy with this. Terrence's bio never stated any actual negative traits about him, expect for the fact that he was reckless. This led to a huge fight, as far as I know it never really stopped, it just cooled down.

4. Charles x Galeforce...

This time I know who actually started it. There was this girl, I won't say her youtube name but I will say it is of a actual person who is dead. She was already in drama for that and a lot of other things, but she also started shipping Charles x Galeforce. She actually got very "popular" for this but was widely hated. Many people started making reaction animations/gacha videos to her content and stated they hated Charles x Galeforce more then anything so people know about her and don't support her. She eventually "apologized" but in reality it was just her saying "Well I don't care about age of consent, they're cute together". I know 100% they are a troll, so do not try to find them

5. The "Player"

A lot of Undertale fans started liking THSC, and thought there was a player controlling Henry Stickmin to do all of these actions. There were quite a few videos (that were basically just gacha) of Henry crying and blaming the player for their actions. Nobody ever explained why they thought there was a player, they just thought there was. For some reason, I have not seen the player since April of 2021

6. Yandere/Insane Charles

I have no idea who made this popular but someone did sometime in October to December of 2020 since I kept seeing it then. But remember those Toppat! Henry x Charles comics/books that were abusive as hell? Well just swap the roles and that's basically what it was. Some comic dubbers dubbed some okay comics that weren't gloriflying yanderes and abuse, but some people made... very horrible content with this idea. I won't go into it but I'll just say it was worse then those Toppat! Henry x Charles comics/books you probably read at least once

7. Ellie's Backstory Fangame Hate Train

There was a fangame for Henry Stickmin named Ellie's backstory. It was about... Ellie and her backstory. It was very short and poorly made, I'll admit. It was made by someone who was clearly new to art and coding, but people instead made fun of them. They insulted the game and starting personally attacking the creator. I don't know where they are now but I hope they are doing well

8. Comic Dub and Writer Burnout

A lot of comic dubbers and comic writers/artists for THSC starting get burnt out in uhhh... I forgot but it happens all the time because of how much work they just did. But THSC fans apparently back then do not think they were humans so they kept pressuring them to make more content. I have nothing to really say about this other then what the hell guys

9. One Very Specific Guy Being Gross

There is one guy on youtube, will not mention the name because I can't remember but I also do not want to find it due to the nasty stuff I'll have to be recommended afterwards. He still exists, I do know though as I have seen him a month ago. He makes weirdly s-xual content with THSC characters (mostly Triple Threat) then markets them for children. He has existed since Completing the Mission came out. One of his most popular videos is about Ellie and the "special" stuff she does on Halloween. If you somehow find him, please report him I beg of you please I don't want to see him ever again

10. Lovely Creators

Though this fandom can be hell, I love it very much. I probably wouldn't be here (legit) if it wasn't for this silly little game and their fans. Remember to support your fandom creators, old or new and do not insult them for their artwork or writing skills like the fandom did to Ellie's Backstory. And just because someone left the fandom, DOESN'T mean you can insult them! Plus every fandom has their errors, so do not hate a whole fandom just because of the past <3

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Ok time to go through some more small things quickly because I'm getting behind.

Will You Snail?

More fun and interesting than I expected. I wasn't really sure what I was getting into beyond it being cheap and having tons of positive reviews, but it turned out to be a precision platformer where you play as a snail (and can wear another smaller snail as a hat), and it's about the fear of AI literally taking over the world and whether reality is really real. Also the AI is an asshole and spontaneously spawns bullshit spikes and lasers and stuff exactly where it thinks you're about to go so you have to contend with that in addition to just making it through each room.

I had a good enough time to finish the story and get somewhere north of 50% completion, but I don't really see myself doing the optional stuff like beating everything on the highest difficulty. The auto-difficulty kept me somewhere in the 2-3 range out of 4 95% of the time with very rare spikes to 4, and with me getting worse at stuff like this over time as my reactions get slightly slower, my vision gets worse, and my brain just gets generally weird, I don't really see a point in pushing myself harder just to frustrate myself.

Lara Croft GO

It only took me forever to get around to this one, which I probably would've forgotten about if someone didn't gift me a copy a few days ago. Basically you, uh, raid tombs. Big surprise, I know, but this time it's a turn-based puzzle game. I liked the puzzles enough and different mechanics they introduced enough to finish it because some of them were reasonably clever/satisfying, but I'm not sure if I'll bother with the extra ones after the credits roll. Toward the end after I got the hang of it I tended to finish levels without having to retry more than a couple times, but just knowing I'd have to start over entirely for every mistake or misclick makes it less enjoyable.

I'm pretty sure it's my second favorite Tomb Raider game now, and one of only two I've ever finished. The other was the 2013 reboot, which I thought was great. I tried the sequel to that and didn't really like all the changes they made to the formula because they all made it less fun for me, and I always thought the pre-reboot ones were just bad. To be fair I heard the later ones did get better and I never tried any of those, but the PS1 era games were anti-fun for me.

I'LL KILL HER

More of a digital comic book than anything, like a visual novel with an extreme emphasis on the visual part and no decision making. The art style was enough to get my interest to try it, and that's probably the main thing it has going for it. The story is...fine? Not super deep or original and feels like it maybe has some translation or non-native English issues sometimes, but it all fits together well enough in the end I guess. All of the content warnings for this one for stuff like abuse and domestic violence and suicide.

Cris Tales

Somehow this is the only one of these that I gave up on before finishing it. A lot of stuff in it is absolutely gorgeous (go watch the animated intro, seriously), and I was getting into the setting and some of the themes it was hinting at, and the time shifting mechanics are pretty neat both for exploration and combat, but I just don't really enjoy playing the game very much.

Society has advanced beyond the need for random encounters, but Cris Tales has not. Good thing it has irritatingly long load times for each one, at least on the Switch, and it has to do it again going back from the battle screen to the main overworld. And I really am not into how the combat encounters are balanced. Even basic trash enemies a few hours into the game can do absurd amounts of damage, like 40+ when your characters barely have over 100 hp. You can reduce that with timed button presses like Paper Mario/Mario RPG games, but the animations while pretty are really bad at conveying the actual correct timing for stuff.

Basically I like most things about the game except for actually playing it. Well, it's fine in towns I guess, but there's too much other stuff I'm not into for that to make up for it. Oh, and the voice acting isn't terrible or anything, but it's definitely worse than most things I've played this year with voice acting and didn't really do it for me. Also it has the most basic and obvious bug that I'm mildly surprised I've never seen in anything else: it counts the entire time the game is suspended while the Switch is asleep toward your play time. I apparently spent 60 hours on the game, when really it was about 3.

[everygame]

Spider-Man: Miles Morales (PS4)

Developed/Published by: Insomniac Games / Sony Interactive Entertainment Released: 12/11/2020 Completed: 11/01/2023 Completion: 100% playthrough. Trophies / Achievements: 82%

Well,  I wrote “see you in a year, Miles Morales” after playing through Spider-Man’s DLC and it took me about a year and a half to get to this, but I'll count it. I’ve written about two of these, so let’s just bullet point this one out, no order.

Peter Parker’s new face suuucks. I know it’s a done deal and it’s not even like the original face actor (John Bubniak) does his voice, but the new guy doesn’t fit the voice at all and does, as everyone says, looks like “we’ve got Tom Holland at home” except even more of a twat. At least he’s only in this briefly, but man, it’s going to be tough to play the next one. And I like the PS4 Spider-Man suit so much, too! It might even be my favourite Spidey design.

Miles is a great character. He’s completely out of his depth, and I love that they’ve drilled down on this even down to how he moves through the world, with a more awkward swinging style than the OG Spidey.

Unfortunately the main storyline here is a bit… cliche? Not only does it hit all the beats you expect, there’s far too much convenience to it. You’re in serious trouble when the mysterious baddie turns out to be like, the only other character that’s in the game, and without spoiling too much, super-hero stories are (imho) at their weakest when you think the existence of the hero might be the reason why the villains exist (rather than vice versa) and ending with the same “Eyyyy, New York protects it’s own, Spider-Man” beat again is played-out.

The worst thing about this is that the game is absolutely at it’s strongest when Miles Morales is doing what it feels like he set out to do, which is be his neighbourhood Spider-Man. I can’t tell if this is something that happened when they turned this from something DLC-adjacent into a full-priced game, but there’s a thread of missions where he’s helping out his local bodega and stuff that basically gets dropped completely and it actually feels unfinished. The conclusion is given in a… podcast, where your side-kick Ganke literally names every person in Harlem that helped which made me think it was going to lead to a conclusion where the big-bad kidnaps them all or something, but… no. Nothing.

To be honest, actually, that this uses the whole city is a weakness. Whenever I play these big open world games I think about how I never really learn the city, they’re just a backdrop to whatever I’m doing, unlike your Yakuzas and that, where you’re intimately familiar with the map and it becomes ever more real. Why couldn’t Harlem have been that? I don’t really need to be swinging all the way to the bloody financial district. Fence me in!

Yet… the game still feels great to play, all the side-missions and collectibles and shit are a breeze to play/fun to collect, and you don’t even notice that just as in the original the upgrades barely matter. Even here when combat and stealth are even more complicated with new invisibility and electricity powers (that aren’t especially well tutorialised) you can just basically play the game as competently as you wish and enjoy it.

Why does this game have a museum flashback? Is this something that all PlayStation Studios games have to have? It feels like such an afterthought here though, adding nothing to the major problem that the main baddie is a big-time idiot who, at the end of the game is basically running around with their fingers in their ears shouting “la la la I’m not listening” and it really, really undoes the pathos. I ain’t crying about a museum visit again, Sony!

I’m so very tired of Ashley Burch’s one voice. I guess I never played enough Nolan North games to feel this before.

Will I ever play it again? I like that the main storyline is so quick and actually, I did briefly consider beating the NG+ quickly to platinum this. But my backlog spreadsheet has more than 700 games on it. Really.

Final Thought: Starting to feel a bit weird about how much of my media consumption is Marvel now. At the time of writing I play about an hour of Marvel Snap a day and the next game I’ve downloaded to play through is Guardians of the Galaxy. Ah well, I did spend the Christmas period watching Rogers and Hammerstein musicals, I’ll let myself away with it.

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[alethiometry]

what's this aco himym fic huh!!

kate i don't know how much you know about ac odyssey from whatever the hell i or anyone else you follow has posted about the game in the last however long it's been since it came out, so i am very very sorry if none of this makes any goddamn sense.

OKAY FIRST OF ALL i need to say that i have literally never in my life watched a single episode of himym and i do not intend to and i know nothing about it except i'm aware that people have Opinions on how it ended. it has barely fuckall to do with this fic, except that i just cannot think of a fitting title.

the short summary is that this is a kassidas fic where for some reason (have yet to figure this out) brasidas ends up with custody of elpidios and tells him all about how he and kassandra met, how their relationship developed, and how they came to be where they are now (hence the filename).

the long summary is i got WAYYYYY too ambitious with this fic and it mutated from being like a cutesy little wish-fulfillment love story to a full-blown fix-it fic where i want to address most if not all of my most vexing plotholes in ac odyssey, ranging from plot points that make no sense, to character interactions or lack thereof that had zero closure, to a complete rewrite of the very bad no good comphet dlc. and although i hated how the game handled the forced romance between kassandra and natakas, i do think there is/want to see if i can find a way to make their relationship more complex and messy and interesting by removing the romance of it but just making him a more fleshed-out character. part of my worry is that the dlc is so reviled (with good reason) across the fandom that this premise is dead on arrival anyway and no one will like it, not even myself. but at the same time, i still want the endgame of this fic to be kassidas-focused, because they are my everything and to me there is no ac odyssey without them*, and so i have to figure out a way to write some kind of weird love/parental triangle between the three of them even though i fucking hate triangles**

i waver back and forth between the himym-ness of it being due to the fact that for whatever reason kassandra is no longer in elpidios' life (thus bringing it closer to official game canon), or just waving a gigantic middle finger to ubisoft and letting kassandra actually be a mother to her son whom she loves so so much and barely got to spend any time with, but she's understandably pretty tight-lipped about her past because she's aware of the heaps and heaps of generational trauma that's plagued her family and wants to break that cycle, so it's up to brasidas to spill the tea.

another layer of complexity/difficulty in writing all of this is that i imagine elpidios to be around 7 when the story starts, because that's the same age kass was when she lost her family, so then that age becomes sort of symbolic as a milestone. which means there's also the issue of not a whole lot of ac odyssey being appropriate for a kid of that age. like, graphic violence and dark themes aside... i can't really have it be like "yeah and after decapitating korinth's biggest meanest crime lord your mother flipped me over and pegged me six ways to [whatever the ancient greek equivalent of sunday is]" and just... yeah. i don't know. i still think about what i want to do with this fic often, but i think there's a very good reason why i have barely even opened it in almost 2 years.

*this made me giggle as i typed it out bc actual historical spartan general brasidas has like 15 minutes total of screentime in a 100+ hour game. but it's also not a joke because despite all that (and also getting fucking killed at the battle of amphipolis) he still had more chemistry with kassandra than any of the other like 15 actually-romanceable characters in the game.

**another tongue-in-cheek joke/double entendre because it's revealed in the game that pythagoras who did all that triangle math equation stuff is kassandra's biological father and an absentee, deadbeat one at that. fuck that guy fr

[a-kaash-me-outside]

dear author im gonna be real with u right now.. I couldn’t bring myself to fully read the rest of the chapter when it was clear there wasn’t going to be any clean up of the angst like you’d said. there was barely an acknowledgement of the angst from y/n herself. I physically cringed when I realized she was literally about to put his dick in her mouth before it had time to dry off from the previous girl ahhhh at this point it isn’t even about seeing atsumu grovel or whatever like we had all joked and bantered about after the last chapter, it was the shitty way he spoke to her that needed addressing, which he himself barely addressed, and y/n straight up didn’t even think she deserved an apology in the first place which absolutely blew my mind. and the straight nosedive into the smut when immediately prior to that both characters had been super shaken up mentally and emotionally, it felt rushed and forced and like I was trying to be convinced that it would be plausible for people to have sex right after something like that.

just last chapter these two dingle berries couldn’t communicate for shit and could barely make it through an argument without waking up the entire floor, and we all spent the past week talking about how we should try and understand where the characters are coming from because being 100% at communicating just isn’t realistic and then.. a couple hours later in story time atsumu jarringly has the ability to be calm and apologize and confess his feelings and y/n suddenly decides she no longer is an avoidant person and has the courage to knock on his door and hash things out face to face. both these characters were able to do a 180 immediately after the climax of the story with minimal effort and address what they had been unable and unwilling to for the past few weeks/months. which conveniently was the last remaining plot device that was preventing them from having sex haha. I dunno. the deus ex machina-ness of it all and their sudden good communication skills made it really hard to keep myself immersed in the story 

at one point I thought, alright wait maybe its one of those times where the character’s passionate emotions get in the way initially, and afterwards the characters will get serious and there’ll be a genuine acknowledgement of hurt feelings and a thought out conclusion to the entire angst plotline.. and then the story just ended? in the most cop out-ey way? the single conversation where the audience would be able to actually see the most character development between the leads happens off screen..idk. maybe i’m being emotional and I should pick it up again in a few hours. i’m genuinely invested in the story but the chain of events in the last chapter threw me for a loop.

yoooooo. okay. let's dive into this my dude. i was contemplating even replying to this just because!!! this is just my silly little fic that i wrote. okay. let's dive in. <3 explanations and thoughts under the cut babes!

i guess first of all i want to say that this is something i wrote for fun for my fiance. i just posted it on tumblr because fuck it! why not! i wrote 75k words, i can share em. and i did! i didn't do it for pinpoint accuracy or a completely fleshed out, super perfect relationship.

i do also want to point out that i'm in a very secure, super cool relationship with someone whom i trust very much. i'm a pretty decent communicator and a very confident person (who still gets insecure sometimes). i guess my point in saying all of that is like, yea! i get that this story isn't the pinnacle of perfect communication, but i think it is at least somewhat realistic.

some of it is weird and whatever, sure, i'm not denying that, but to say these characters did a 180 is definitely not true. these are two people that really did completely care for one another despite not being able to properly communicate it or skating around issues or reading things in certain ways that the other did not.

setting it in their senior year of college was really important to me because like, they're not fully formed, really great communicators necessarily, they still have flaws but they also understand, to some degree, how to communicate? idk man, communication is weird and awkward and doesn't make sense sometimes.

i speak also kinda of experience too. i don't think yn was ever an avoidant person? i mean, yea, there was an element of just doing what she wanted to do without fully communicating her fears, but i mean.. that's life my guy. i don't think it's ever about courage when it comes to her. it's more about like this line of before and after? the moment of too far? a realization turned anxiety to fix something.

another thing is that this was never supposed to be a chaptered fic, but it was always going to have this conflict as the main point of conflict. which meant more developing feelings than originally planned to be honest which is great but also meant that like the conflict is a bit more jarring. BUT

i guess! i'm just happy with how the story turned out and i'm sorry that it wasn't completely realistic for you and you couldn't get into it completely! i'm proud of my story and the way that it all plays out. after all, it is just a story!

i'm never mad at people for coming into my inbox and letting me know their thoughts and stuff and this isn't an exception. though, i just will say, like, i'm not exactly sure what you wanted to completely convey with the message, perhaps? i guess intention and goal is a bit confusing to me! but!! regardless!!

my tldr of this whole thing is: i'm happy with how it turned out, it's just a silly little story, and i'm sorry that it didn't develop as you wanted/expected! /gen

[thewritegrump]

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with mhbv? / P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with mhbv?

Oh man, I have playlists for SO many fics. I pretty much always have one for whatever I'm working on at the moment, plus a general 'smut-writing jams' playlist that I go to for those kinds of scenes and fics. >v> I would share them, but my Spotify is linked to my actual irl name so... yeah, not gonna doxx myself publicly! ^^;;; I suppose I could just make a list of the songs in the playlists, but I don't think anyone really is interested enough to justify taking the time to do it.

I do still have the MHBV playlist. Well, there's two- one that has all the songs I took chapter titles from, and then the 'vibes' playlist I listened to while writing the chapters and songs that overall fit the themes and vibes. ovo I used to delete the playlists once I finished the fic, which I regret, but thankfully I stopped doing that. TTvTT

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"?

I don't know that I really identify with either, because the amount of planning I do in advance varies wildly based on the fic. Different projects demand different levels of forethought, honestly, so I'm not really an architect nor a gardener. Rather, I'm more of a chemist, perhaps veering toward something of a mad scientist about the writing process.

For a project like MHBV, Kaitra and I spent a week or two drumming up a 70-page outline. Granted, most of this is character interaction stuff, since the Karas in the fic all needed somewhat different personalities. Reading a fic about 15 carbon copies down to behaviors and personalities sounds confusing and boring as hell to me, so I sort of just made each one their own unique and easily identifiable variation. And so I needed to analyze these characters and figure shit out about them so I could write them properly. That's the bulk of the outline, with maybe 10 pages dedicated to the trials that actually further the plot. The slice-of-life things happening between murders is mostly off-the-cuff stuff I wrote on the spot once I tuned into the 'footage' (me playing the scenario in my mind as I'm writing it).

On My Mind had a completely different process. No outline, no notes document, no real planning aside from the loose concept a friend gave me. If you told me it would be a million words the day that I started it... I wouldn't believe you. o-o;;; God, what a wild 10 months that was. Anyway, OMM didn't have an outline until around Chapter 100, at which point I would write like... a sentence at most describing the main kink or event of the chapter. Stuff like 'chapter [x]: ichi and yana talk about what happened in june' or 'chapter [x]: choro and ichi yukata shopping'. Just real bare bones stuff to at least map out everything I wanted to include and find a definitive ending. Otherwise that fic would still probably be going, good lord.

In Another Life was a sort of middle ground. I write the outline like a continuous narrative summarizing the story, settling on stopping points once I arrive at the nearest one around 5k-7k words with each chapter. I delete the parts I've already written so I'm unsure how long the full outline would be, but at its longest it was about 10 pages, I think? It's rather short now, as I'm almost done with the fic. ^_^ I... need to get back to writing that. Oops. Anyway, if I had to estimate, I'd say about 22,000 (how fitting with the 22) since I write about 300 words of outline for each chapter and we're now in the early 70s with the chapter count.

With the collab I'm doing with Zils, I planned it similarly to IAL, though it was much shorter of an outline, since it's going to be 6 chapters. I also need to get back to this, because my brain has been bubbling with ideas for it. >v>;;;

Don't get me started on House Of Blue. o-o There's no so much an outline doc- well, there is a doc with all the chapters I plan to write, and Tira has her own separate document of the sort, I believe. But all the lore and the thought process and behind-the-scenes info is organized into channels on my Discord server since there is so goddamn much lore that hasn't even touched the fic on ao3 yet OOP. Me and my co-conspirators also have a lorekeepers group chat where we discuss stuff we want to keep between us four until it's time to unveil it in the fic. So it's all a bit scattered, but there is a great deal of brainstorming and planning.

So yeah, the amount of planning I do depends on the project, how intricate the plot is, how many details there are to remember...

[beesandwasps]

It was emphatically not your fault — or the fault of Nader voters — that Bush won. Exit polls in Florida showed that there were 20 times as many registered Democrats who voted for Bush as there were Nader voters (regardless of registration). When asked why they voted Bush, those Democrats pretty uniformly said: “Gore campaigned as being just like Bush on nearly every policy front, so we voted for Bush because he said he’d lower our taxes, too.” If Gore had actually campaigned to be a Democrat, instead of being a Republican with higher taxes, Florida would not have been close enough to lose. (And that’s without getting into the fact that the recount was eventually completed, and the winner was in fact Gore, but since Gore had already conceded, that had no importance any more. If he had actually been willing to fight, which his voters wanted him to do, the election would have gone the other way.)

You don’t hear a lot about that, because the Democratic Party is run by centrists, and centrists exist to move things to the right. The Clintons and Biden were part of a group, the self-appointed Democratic Leadership Council, which explicitly stated that the party should abandon civil rights and environmentalism and focus on doing the will of white suburbanites. (The Wikipedia entry on the group used to have a direct quote to that effect, but a few months ago somebody edited it out, presumably because it was incredibly bad-looking for the party to be led by pathetic right-wing racists.)

The Democrats literally lost in 2000 because they campaigned so far to the right that people who were actual paid-up members of their club couldn’t see the point in supporting them, and were so willing to stand down in the face of the Republican Party that they threw away a winning hand even with their other screwups. Nader voters were 100% correct. There should have been more of them. If it killed the Green Party, that’s because the Democrats were successful in falsely spinning the story, not because they deserved it. (Similar to the way the Democrats continue to spin the story of the Clinton campaign leaks in 2016 from “the campaign admitted, damningly, that the leaks were true and they and their candidate were both stupid and evil” to “whistleblowers are satanic and probably in Putin’s pay so please ignore the actual content they revealed”.)

If the Democrats learned nothing from 2000, then that’s their problem. But in fact, some Democrats learned something from 2000 — Obama did, which is why he ran a campaign in 2008 based on catering to the left and the youth vote and won the popular vote by more than Clinton in either 1992 or 1996, or Biden in 2020. (Fun fact: Bill Clinton, whose election is considered proof that the public wants a centrist Democrat, never got a majority of the popular vote. Obama did it both times.) Of course, Obama ended up abandoning basically all his promises and governing from the right, which cost him his majority in Congress as soon as possible, but at least he had some awareness that the Democrats need the left, not the other way around. Clinton and Biden did not learn a damn thing, being Reagan-admiring fossils from the 1980s, which is why Clinton ran a “let’s all be really quiet and hope the Republicans get tired and go home” campaign and lost, and Biden ran a “I won’t change anything significant from Trump but at least I won’t actually be Trump” campaign and just barely won, with no coattails whatsoever.

The Democrats are hopeless. They’re probably going to lose this one, and it will be because they’d rather continue a fucking genocide than listen to their own voters and move even slightly left. Biden could have made all this a non-issue for months, but he wants to kill Palestinians so much that he won’t do it, even if the cost is Trump back in office, that’s how much he despises you, the Democratic voter. They deserve the loss, at this point — they stopped caring about their base more than 3 decades ago and have been enabling Republicans ever since. It’s over; time to find or found a new party and build it into a replacement, because the Democrats are a dead party walking.

when i see people express sentiments like this, my thought is pretty much “who exactly are you trying to prove a point to?” the democrats? if trump gets elected, they’re going to be completely sidelined if not worse and will be entirely focused on trying to get back in power and i can tell you they will NOT be moving further left. netanyahu? it’s a BETTER outcome for him if trump wins since trump is SIGNIFICANTLY more pro-israel than biden has ever been. the people in gaza? they need a ceasefire which has been rejected by both the israel and the hamas sides multiple times and a trump win WILL NOT make that a stronger possibility.

[astyrluna]

more bg3 thoughts lmao

so last play session i did moonrise towers, including araj oblodra, and ofc, i had astarion with me for that whole shebang

and im just imagining like. that whole scenario but w/ the personality ive given my tav(astyr). slightly feral, cat-coded chaos boy. and by this point in the story hes well and truly in love with this fuckin vampire. head over gods damned heels. so when this fuckin drow (who he actually kinda liked at first cuz of the whole potion thing) starts talking to astarion like that, he gets fucking pissed. hes already given this drow his blood, but if hed known shed be actin like that towards astarion, he never woulda agreed. and then she has the fuckin NERVE to turn to HIM and be like "talk some sense into your charge >:(" and at that point astyr just says "you know, we tieflings have rather sharp teeth too...keep talking about him like that and someone will be sinking their teeth into your throat, and it wont be him."

and im gonna say thats the exact moment astarion was like "oh no im actually in love with this fucking guy" LMAO

i also find it funny that ive accidentally made his go-to threat "i can and will bite u" like. this guy is an incredibly powerful sorcerer, he bends lightning and thunder to his will, creates ice storms with a word, is known to fly around the fucking battlefield with his tempestuous magic, and yet if someone threatens his friends (at least verbally, he will bring out the weapons/magic for a physical threat) his first instinct is to bare teeth. ive yet to find myself in a situation where ive needed to use an unarmed strike but astyr 100% claws instead of punches. hes headbutted a guy before. it was a completely impulsive thing and pre-canon but it is a thing he has done. and tbh would do again. ram horns are good headbuttin' shape. like for the most part youd never know this dude was raised isolated in the wilds but sometimes he just says or does something completely fucking unhinged and everyones like "oh thats right this dude spent the first half of his life essentially feral"