#I barely have the energy to drink and eat
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I’ve been only listening to Ethel Cain & Sufjan Stevens in the last few days. Eating is even harder than it usually is, and I haven’t had the energy to do more than the bare minimum with schoolwork. I haven’t bought cigarettes or started drinking, though. I’m just raw-dogging really high depression & anxiety levels I haven’t experienced since 2016… striking parallels besides the obvious have happened since late August. I’d consider going to therapy but am about to lose my health insurance when I quit my job in a couple weeks… something’s gotta give & I have no idea what…
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I<3Bejnf depressed
#I am. so tired all the time#(didn’t silver the hedgehog fan dub say this)#i WISH it was my shit sleep schedule#but unfortunately my shit sleep schedule happens to work great for meeee#maybe I should just go full isolation mode#at this point I might have to#I barely have the energy to drink and eat#hashtag. whoops#fuck man-#just keep . living for now I guess
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And the research is going well and my supervisors love my work but I have a surgery coming up and im scared of what will happen to me if I don't go back to baseline before the surgery and my supervisors don't know how bad I'm actually doing. They think I'm a mild/ moderate case of long covid.
#i need to stop working but i worked so hard to get there#but i got so bad because i worked so hard#i don't know what to do#but having people over every day who can help me eat and drink and move things#is giving me more energy to realize that this is ridiculous#I've been barely surviving for a year and a half#i cant believe i kept myself alive#i didn't cook from January to May this year#i still can't really cook i have to ask people to do all the cutting and stirring for me#i think im having an attack rn bc i tried to pimp up some leftovers for my friend#the denial is breaking and the reality is bleak
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I slept rly deeply last night even tho it took me a while to get to sleep but I think that was bc I had acid reflux and I'd been playing videogames too late not anything else.... still only got 6 hrs but doing pretty okay all things considered 😚
#and not feeling sick this morning so im sticking w the higher dose for one more day. my heart rate does feel a little uncomfortably fast#but its tolerable. just gonna make notes of how it goes through the day and ill submit my review form to my dr this evening#and hopefully she'll give me the green light to drop back down instead of continuing to titrate up#this is making me think of those heartrate fetishists... do u think i could make money selling tachycardic heart recordings online#i do wanna try to exercise this morning while i have energy. might take the bike out it looks like a gorgeously sunny day#maybe ill try to map my cycle route to work so i can consider cycling there instead of taking the bus in a couple weeks..#i cant atm thp cuz they have scaffolding up and its blocked off the bike racks sadly 😔#i think making myself eat + drink as much as i can has helped control the nausea too. just need a lot of fuel to process meds properly ig#and a lot of sleep.. its a bit stressful to think abt how rigid im going to have to be abt my daily routines if i want to stay medicated#but to be honest i have a pretty rock solid sleep/meal routine already bc its the only way i can function with the hours i work#so like. i dont rly need to worry too much. i think i reacted badly the first couple days bc my base anxiety was high#and then bc that feeling was heightened by meds -> made me not eat/sleep properly -> knock on sickness the next day#but yeah still the side effects arent very nice and i dont wanna take the risk of it exacerbating every difficult emotion i deal with#but fingers crossed bc 30 worked rly nice for me and i had barely any side effects so hopefully i can settle w that long term 🤞#we will see....#ANYWAY. sorry for making the same post over and over the last couple days. talking abt it on here has helped me feel a lot calmer#i dont wanna bother ppl irl w every thought and physical symptom i experience hourly. but this is my blog i can do what i want#hope everyone else has a nice sunday <3#.diaries
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just me life updating about moving and other ramblings in the tags lmao
#self obs#not snz#this shit is so stressful what the fuck?????#i also have a million projects due on sunday that i’ve barely started so saturday i move sunday i library#i am so happy to get out of my current living situation cause the people i live with couldn’t give two shits about me#it’s giving my childhood lmao🧍♀️#also i got diagnosed with pcos this week and am going to be starting meds for it next week so if anyone has any suggestions lmk#i heard back about my research and i got accepted so im super excited about that!!!!!#anyways my life is all over the place right now but hopefully after this weekend i’ll be on the up?#all my finals are in the next two weeks so i’m just so stressed#i can’t wait to eat a real meal i’ve been living off of energy drinks this week like 800mg of caffeine plus my adderall#yeah my doctor is very concerned about my heart but like fuck it we ball#anyways i’m stressed so i took a few shots lmao i hope you all are well#hopefully i’ll be more active and posting snz stuff soon#TELL ME WHY I FORGOT ABOUT MY OCS lmao i’ll write for them soon i promise#ok goodnight i need to pack more
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#im just so sick of doing and feeling bad#im stressed af for my schoolwork. bc all my energy goes to dealing w my anxiety and i barely have energy to do my work#i NEED to talk to someone bc im doing so so bad. but i've contacted my healthcare center & the psychiatric#but everyone just sends me on to the next place bc they cant help me :// so now im stuck waiting for this new clinic to contact me.#and with my health issue.... i need to wait up to 3 months to get an appt with a surgeon. then wait 3 months for a surgery appt#i might not get rid of my gallstones problem until april next year ._.#and bc of my gallstones i cant eat much at all. so im losing sm weight.#im actually so worried abt it bc i already feel weak and tired. and dizzy and ice cold. i will literally turn into a skeleton....#and like it feels so lonely when i realize nobody cares. i contacted my healthcare center and said i was worried and dont know what to do#but all they said was 'yeah... u just gotta wait'#so... i need to prepare that i wont be able to eat or drink for another 6 months before surgery :D#this next phase in my life is gonna suck so fkn bad and idk how to get thru it#i just wanna feel ok. have energy. be able to eat and drink whatever i want. not be in pain. i wanna move forward not be sick
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of all things, seeing goro and sumi interact makes me wanna work on the next ladue chapter more than anything else the past like 2 weeks
Wild
#speculation nation#brain is just 'vashwood vashwood vashwood vashwood vashwood' etc etc etc#endless reading of trigun fanfic. no time for my own writing endeavors#but. im so close to finishing chapter 3 of ladue... so close... i just need to get back into it#... not rn tho. or the next few days probs. not a good time.#honestly tho it's making me remember how good writing is for my health overall#bc when i want to write i Have to take care of my health. get proper sleep & eat regularly & dont drink alcohol#bc i have to be in tip top condition to have writing brain. it keeps me in line.#the past week and a half has just been me Relentlessly pursuing my current hyperfixations#to the point of neglecting my health. case and point: me getting 3 hours of sleep for NO fucking reason (aside from trigun focus)#writing brain hasnt mattered so ive only been eating one or two meals a day. and ive been drinking a bit more often#though that also might be bc of my mental state 🤔 still no more than 2 drinks at a time#but ive gone from drinking Maybe once a month to like once a week. if not more often.#idk. it's meant as a relaxing kinda thing. god knows i need the stress relief. but it's still not great for me.#i still havent done my dishes and my fingernails r too long but i have no energy to trim them#aka. the experience of being actively in the throes of a hyperfixation is both Wonderful and terrible. my body is falling apart!#and this is with TWO!!!!! hyperfixations. trigun is definitely the more powerful but the fe:engage is there too#im. gonna go to bed early tonight. i have therapy in the morning :P#aka this is my 'i am alive' post but like only barely lmfao. ugh im so fucked with this lab.
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Ignore
#delete later#ive been holding out on calling this a depressive time but yeah i guess it is. sitting upright is hard#managed to cook dinner without sitting down but now im so fuckung tired#im dissociating a lot. im out of it abd that means im not renembering to eat or drink and im having to force myself into them#appetite is gone and most food is unappealing at best.#i went outside today and barely felt any of it which is a bad sign#im trying to remember if its pms or not. hopefully it is bc that means itll pass semi quickly#i want to sleep but im keeping myself awake all night for no reason and am struggling to force myself not to#i know i need small things to do. abd things i can do with my hands so i have some kind of physical interaction#so i bought construction toys whilsr out today. and ordered those wooden mosaic toys for kids#theyre low brain low effort things that will still give me energy#it worked. i was able to paint a lil today#but its all just shit. im tired
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marin, i whisk all the bad things away! you are bathed in an eternal light of tenma siblings plushies, your favorite foods, and knowing itll be okay!!!! (i wish i could do this irl but if i can only do it through tumblr then so be it)
(ps: remember to have a snack if you havent eaten in a few hours, to drink some water, and think about 5 nice things you like about yourself!)
awww thanks lol
and i will!! ty for the reminder
#i appreciate the reminders to drink water and eat and stuff because i really am barely doing it#i just. don't have the energy. or i forget. or both#but i always try to do at least one of the things whenever i get these anons so. thank you!#askbox on mars!
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feeling that marxist quote about being less and having more capital and stuff. like are you ever so depressed and stressed out abt life that you don’t want to do, buy or experience anything. just spending money on food and rent
#and barely on groceries just snacks and energy drinks#because im in that era of my eating disosrder where i sont cook#i think i have depression. hashtag self diagnosed#i say after havign a diagnosis since i was 12#lmao! epic cringe :^)#idk wat im saying i think i want to die but im not going to kms im just going to be tired all of the time#i dont have a reason to be this down#aside from missing my meds this weekend i guess#and the stress of being alive#and my brain’s inherent chemical succiness#i guess#but. watevrr
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I'm so tired
#i need to clean the apartment and i need to clean my room#and i need to pack to move and i need to budget#and i need to eat and shower and get dressed and do laundry#and i barely have the energy to be alive right now#all i want is to smoke. and ill be able to when i go to work bc half my coworkers smoke#which means I'll never really quit itll just keep me satisfied until i can justify buying a vape#and i want my drink from biggby bc i feel so horrible and i just want that to make this a lil more worth it#but i dont need to spend money right now#everythings so hard and im so tired#i dont wanna work today i just wanna die#remi rants
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𝙃𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝘿𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙨 | 𝙋.𝙎.
pairing ⇀ brothers best friend! park sunghoon x sister! reader
synposis ⇀ you knew sunghoon ever since you were little with him being your big brothers best friend. what jay didn’t know though, was that you always had a secret crush on sunghoon. despite your feelings, you believe sunghoon doesn’t like you back and sees you as nothing more than his friends annoying little sister. right?
genre ⇀ smut, angst
warnings ⇀ MINORS DNI!!!, the sexual scene doesn’t come for a while, lower case intended, cursing, arguments, crying, partying, drinking, insecurities, sunghoon is toxic, reader thinks about sunghoon a lot, mean dom! sunghoon x sub! reader, eating out, overstimulation (f), blowjob, semi public sex, jealousy, possessiveness, dirty talk, manhandling, minor choking, lying, fingering, name calling (slut and etc.), no protection (wrap up ur hotdog), not cumming inside, lmk if i missed any!
w.c ⇀ 8.0k+
a/n ⇀ was trying to do a drabble but instead made it into a somewhat whole fic cause i got carried away but oh well. this took me a while too make cause i wanted to make it good but i think it ended well ifykyk ;). also, if you would like to be added to my permanent taglist please click here and leave a comment! reblog, comment, like, etc.! not proofread!
masterlist here
you remember the first time you met sunghoon at a neighborhood park. you were five while sunghoon was six. the sun was setting, casting a golden hue over the playground. jay, your big brother, had excitedly dragged you along to meet his new buddy.
you were curious but also a bit nervous. as you and jay approached the swings, you saw a boy standing there with an air of cool detachment. his hands were shoved deep into his pockets, and his eyes seemed to be lost in thought.
"hey, sunghoon! this is my little sister, y/n," jay introduced her with a wide grin, his enthusiasm infectious.
sunghoon barely glanced at you, muttering a quick "hi" before turning his attention back to the ground. his voice was soft but carried a certain indifference that made you feel small.
you felt a pang of disappointment but brushed it off, determined to get to know him better. after all, jay had spoken highly of him, and you trusted your big brothers judgment.
as the years went by, you found yourself attending the same school, even participating in the same extracurricular activities. your crush on Sunghoon grew stronger with each passing year.
you noticed the little things about him—the way his eyes softened when he was lost in thought, the rare smiles he reserved for jay and his other friends, and the quiet kindness he showed when he thought no one was looking. he was always polite to you, but there was a distance, a wall that you couldn't seem to breach.
high school brought more opportunities for interaction, but also more complications. sunghoon became more popular, his cool demeanor attracting a lot of attention. you, on the other hand, remained in the background, content with your small circle of friends and your studies. despite your different social circles, their paths crossed often, thanks to jay.
now that it’s been years of knowing sunghoon, you know how he acts, how he talks, how he reacts, everything about him that other girls wish they knew. but one thing that you’ll never know is his type. you seem to be nothing but jays little sister to him, right?
it was a typical friday evening, and your house was buzzing with the usual energy that came with having your brother, jay, and his other best friend, sim jaeyun, over. they were playing video games in your living room while you silently read a book in the kitchen.
you heard jake screeching about something while jay was shouting nonsense. you weren’t gonna lie and say it didn’t give you fat headache. as you continued reading you suddenly heard a knock at the door. annoyed, you went to go answer it.
you walked past jay and jake and headed towards the door boredly.
as you opened the door, you were met with the sight of park sunghoon, jay's friend, aka your crush. he stood there, looking as cold and distant as ever, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket.
"hey," you greeted him, trying to keep your voice steady despite the way your heart was pounding.
sunghoon barely acknowledged you with a nod before stepping inside without a word.
he didn't even spare you a glance as he made his way to the living room where jay and jake were deeply engrossed in their video game. you closed the door behind him, feeling a mix of relief and disappointment.
you followed him into the living room, where the boys were too focused on their game to notice your presence. sunghoon joined them, his expression remaining stoic as he watched the screen. you took a seat on the couch, pretending to be absorbed in the book you had picked up earlier. but your eyes kept drifting back to sunghoon, watching his every move.
you decided to try to catch a conversation, “hey, sunghoon, do you want something to drink?" you offered, hoping to engage him in some small talk.
he barely looked up from where he was watching jay and jake, "no, thanks," he replied curtly, his attention still focused on your brother.
you sighed inwardly, feeling a pang of disappointment. it was always like this. no matter what you did, sunghoon never seemed to notice you. it was as if you were invisible to him, just another part of the background.
the boys continued their game, their laughter and banter filling the room. sunghoon remained quiet, only occasionally offering a terse comment or a slight sigh. you wished you could be a part of their world, to share in their camaraderie, but you felt like an outsider looking in.
despite your best efforts to focus on your book, you couldn't help but steal glances at sunghoon. Every now and then, his eyes would flicker in your direction, and you would quickly look away, hoping he hadn't noticed. but deep down, you hoped he had.
jake groaned when he finally lost to jay, letting out a frustrated growl, “my finger pressed the wrong button!”
jay cackled and clapped his hands together. sunghoon just stared at them. you noticed how much jay and jake talk compare to sunghoon. but to them, he was like a missing puzzle piece to their friendship.
jay got up from the couch and stretched, “i’m gonna make something to eat. anyone want pizza rolls?” he questioned. jake raised his hand like a kid while sunghoon shook his head. you stared up at jay and nodded.
he went to the kitchen while jake wrapped an arm around sunghoon shoulder, “did you talk to that girl yet?”
you heart dropped hearing that. what was jake talking about? you peeked from your book and watched sunghoons expression. it still remained serious, but you could see a bit of an annoyance.
“i already told you, i blocked her number.” he stated. jake gasped and unwrapped his arm around sunghoon, shoving him.
“what? dude she was your only chance to getting some!” jake said. he threw his hands on his head as if sunghoon broke a promise that was supposed to be kept forever. sunghoon shrugged his shoulders,
“i don’t want a girl that gets passed around.” he firmly said. jake stopped complaining and put a finger under his chin. you on the other hand, was wondering what girl it could be.
jay eventually came back with a plate full of pizza rolls and set them in the table. jake hurriedly grabbed one and took a bite only to whine how hot it was. you giggled and took a bite yourself.
“ready to do another round?” jay spoke. jake nodded and grabbed the controller, loading it to jay. they both sat down again and started a new round.
you noticed sunghoon was staring off in a distance, “everything okay?” you asked. sunghoon flicked his gaze towards you before simply nodding and standing up.
“i’m gonna head to the restroom.” he spoke towards jay. jay nodded his head. sunghoon walked towards the hall that led to the bathroom, shutting the door with a click. you let a little sigh before grabbing your book again and reading. it was worth a shot.
eventually, the boys finished their game, and jay and jake started packing up their things. sunghoon stood up, his expression still unreadable.
he glanced at you briefly, and for a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something in his eyes. but before you could decipher it, he turned away and headed for the door.
"see you around," he said, his voice cold and detached.
you nodded, unable to find your voice. as he walked out the door, you felt a pang of longing. jay stood next to you eating a pizza roll, “why are you staring at sunghoon like that?”
you snapped out of your daze and glared at him, “i wasn’t staring at him!” you snapped. you turned your heel heading back to your room.
jay watched you go to your room, “were too!” the only thing he heard from you was a loud groan with the door slamming shut.
the morning sun peeked through the curtains, casting a warm glow over your room. you groaned softly, reaching out to silence the alarm clock blaring on your nightstand. it was another school day, and you knew you had to get up. with a sigh, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and stretched.
"hey, sleepyhead! get up, or we're gonna be late!" jay called from the hallway.
jay was always the early riser, and he made sure you were up and ready on time. you quickly got dressed and headed to the bathroom to brush your teeth and fix your hair. jay was already in the kitchen, making breakfast.
"morning," you greeted him, grabbing a piece of toast.
"morning," he replied with a grin, "ready for another day at school?"
you rolled your eyes playfully, “as ready as I'll ever be."
jay chuckled and ruffled your hair. "come on, let's get going."
the two of you drove to school together, chatting about random stuff. as you guys got out of the car, you approached the school. you noticed the usual crowd of girls gathered around sunghoon and jake, who walked through the hallway with their signature known demeanor.
as you reached your locker, jay went off to join his friends, leaving you alone. you stood at your locker, watching the scene unfold from a distance. it was hard not to notice sunghoon, especially when jay and jake were so openly flirtatious with the girls.
jay's charming smile and jake's playful banter had the girls swooning, but sunghoon remained detached, barely acknowledging their presence. as jay and jake still talked with the girls, sunghoon began to walk away from the crowd.
you decided to follow him, curiosity getting the better of you. you kept a safe distance, not wanting to draw attention to yourself. sunghoon's long strides took him to a quieter part of the school, away from the hustle and bustle of the main hallways.
just as you thought you were being discreet, sunghoon suddenly stopped and turned around. your heart skipped a beat as his piercing gaze locked onto yours. before you could react, he closed the distance between you, trapping you against the wall with his arms on either side of your head.
"why are you following me?" he asked, his voice low and teasing.
you felt a blush creep up your cheeks, but you couldn't find the words to answer. sunghoon's proximity was overwhelming, and his intense gaze made it hard to think straight. he leaned in closer, his breath warm against your ear.
"do you enjoy watching me?" he whispered, a smirk playing on his lips.
you swallowed hard, trying to maintain your composure. "i-i was just... curious," you stammered.
sunghoon chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving yours, "curious, huh? be careful, curiosity can be dangerous."
with that, he pushed away from the wall and walked off, leaving you flustered and breathless. You watched him go, your heart still racing from the encounter. what the fuck just happened?
after that encounter you went straight to your classroom, not even bothering to say hi to your friends. you sat at your desk and let out a deep sigh.
did sunghoon meant to do that? you felt your heart beating out of your ears. maybe you were just hallucinating it. the bell finally rang when students started coming in. you on the other hand, decided to just lay your head down for the whole lecture.
lunch came by pretty fast and before you knew it you were on your way to your friend group table. you took a seat while your friends were gossiping about someone.
"did you see sunghoon talking to that girl in the hall earlier?" one of them asked, eyes wide with curiosity.
your friends exchanged glances, sensing your discomfort but pressing on, "they seemed pretty close, like they were having a deep conversation or something. do you know anything about it?"
shakes of heads were viewed until they all looked at you.
you shook your head, forcing a smile, "no, i don't know anything about it."
you felt curious on who the girl could’ve been. knowing sunghoon since forever you knew he’s not the type to start a conversation with a girl first. was it the girl jake was talking about?
you huffed and took a bite out of your food. whatever it was, it wasn’t your problem. but you still had that pang of discomfort in your chest.
the final bell of the day echoed through the halls, signaling the end of another school day. you gathered your books and headed towards the exit, where your friends were already waiting. as you approached, jay pulled up in his car, offering you a ride home as usual.
"hey, you need a ride home?" jay called out. you hesitated for a moment before shaking your head.
“no thanks. i think i'll walk with my friends today." you chimed.
jay raised an eyebrow but didn't press further, "alright, see you later then."
as you walked with your friends, the conversation flowed easily, but your mind kept drifting back to Sunghoon. You hadn't seen him much today, and the lingering thoughts from the previous conversation gossip still gnawed at you. your friends noticed your distraction but didn't comment, knowing you well enough to give you space.
when you finally reached your house, you waved goodbye to your friends and walked up the driveway. the sound of laughter from the backyard caught your attention. curiosity piqued, you made your way around the side of the house.
there, by the pool, were jay, jake, and sunghoon, all three in bathing suits, clearly ready for a swim.
jake noticed you first and waved, "hey, you made it! we decided to take a dip. wanna join?"
your eyes flickered to sunghoon, who was lounging on a chair, looking effortlessly cool and completely at ease. it’s almost as if this morning wasn’t even real. the sight of him in his swim trunks made your heart race, and you felt a blush creeping up your cheeks.
"uh, i left my swimsuit at my friends house," you stammered, trying to keep your composure.
sunghoon glanced up, his expression unreadable, "you can always borrow one," he said nonchalantly, as if your presence didn't faze him at all.
you felt a mix of shyness and frustration. it was clear that Sunghoon didn't share the same nervousness you felt around him, "maybe next time," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.
your brother, ever the peacemaker, jumped in, "no worries. we can just hang out. come sit with us."
reluctantly, you walked over and took a seat on the edge of a lounge chair, trying to act casual. the conversation flowed around you, but your focus kept drifting back to sunghoon.
every time he laughed or spoke, you felt a pang of longing, wishing he would notice you the way you noticed him.
the water sparkled invitingly, and the sound of laughter filled the air as sunghoon, jay, and jake splashed around. you noticed sunghoon moved through the water with such grace, each stroke powerful and smooth.
jay and jake were goofing off, trying to dunk each other, but sunghoon was focused, swimming laps effortlessly. the way his muscles flexed and glistened under the sun made your heart race. you tried to look away, but it was no use. your gaze kept returning to him.
after what felt like an eternity, sunghoon finally climbed out of the pool, water cascading down his toned body. he ran a hand through his wet hair, sending droplets flying. you felt your cheeks heat up and quickly looked down, hoping he didn't notice your flustered state.
but when you dared to glance up, you caught his eye and he gave you a small, knowing smirk. your blush deepened, and you couldn't help but look down, your heart pounding in your chest.
as the afternoon wore on, you found yourself relaxing a bit, the initial awkwardness fading. jay and jake’s easy banter was infectious, and you couldn't help but join in. despite sunghoon's apparent indifference, you cherished these moments.
when the sun began to set, jay suggested ordering pizza, and the four of you moved inside. the atmosphere was warm and inviting, and for a while, you forgot about your worries, simply enjoying the company of jay and his friends.
jay was on the phone, ordering pizza for everyone. the anticipation of the delicious food was palpable, but your mind was elsewhere. sitting so close to sunghoon made your heart race, and you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.
jake, noticing your unease, leaned in with a friendly smile, "hey, are you okay? you seem a bit tense," he asked, his voice gentle.
you glanced at him, trying to calm your racing heart, "yeah, i'm fine. just a bit... hungry," you lied, hoping he wouldn't see through it.
sunghoon, who had been quiet, shifted slightly closer to you. his presence was overwhelming, and you could feel the heat radiating from his body.
he glanced at jake, his eyes narrowing slightly, "she’s fine, jake. Just a little tired, right?" sunghoon's voice was smooth but there was an edge to it.
jake raised an eyebrow, clearly sensing the tension, "sure, man. but you know, talking can help distract from hunger and tiredness," he said, turning his attention back to you, "so, what have you been up to lately? feels like i don’t really see you often." he joked.
you appreciated Jake's attempt to make you feel comfortable, but sunghoon's proximity was making it hard to focus, "oh, just the usual stuff. school, work, you know how it is," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady.
sunghoon's arm brushed against yours, sending a shiver down your spine. he leaned in slightly, his voice low. "you know, you don't have to answer him if you don't want to. we're just waiting for the pizza, after all."
your heart skipped a beat at his words. there was something possessive in his tone that both thrilled and confused you. you glanced at him, trying to read his expression, but his face was a mask of calm.
jake, ever the peacemaker, tried to lighten the mood, "well, i think it's great that we're all hanging out together. it's been a while since we had a chill night like this," he said, giving you a reassuring smile.
jay finally hung up the phone and rejoined the group. "pizza's on its way! should be here in about thirty minutes," he announced, plopping down on the other side of jake.
the conversation flowed more easily with jay back, but you couldn't shake the feeling of sunghoon's eyes on you. every time you laughed at one of jake's jokes or responded to his questions, you felt sunghoon's gaze intensify.
finally, the doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of the pizza. jay and jake jumped up to get it, leaving you alone with sunghoon for a moment.
he took the opportunity to lean in closer, his breath warm against your ear, "you know, i wouldn’t talk to jake so much, he always does that when he wants to get into girls underwear’s." he murmured, his voice low and possessive.
your breath caught in your throat, and you turned to face him, your eyes wide, "sunghoon, we're not... i mean, we're just friends," you stammered, unsure of what to say.
he smirked, his eyes darkening, "maybe, but that doesn't mean he won’t do anything to you. just remember that," he said, his hand lingering on your arm for a moment before he pulled away.
jay and jake returned with the pizza, breaking the tension. as you all dug in, the atmosphere lightened, but you couldn't shake the feeling of sunghoon's emotions. it was confusing and thrilling all at once.
jake was already scrolling through the movie options, "How about this one?" he suggested, landing on a popular action film.
“sounds good," everyone agreed. they settled in, grabbing slices of pizza and filling their cups. the room was filled with the sounds of chewing and occasional laughter as they watched the movie.
as the movie progressed, you felt a gentle touch on your hand. you glanced to your side and saw sunghoon's hand lightly brushing against yours. your heart skipped a beat, and you quickly looked away, trying to focus on the movie. but the warmth of his touch lingered, making it hard to concentrate on anything else.
when the movie finally finished and every slice was gone, jake and sunghoon decided it was time to head home. jake and sunghoon were getting ready to leave.
jay was in the kitchen, cleaning up the remnants of their pizza night, while you stood by the door, ready to bid them farewell. jake was the first to step forward. his smile was warm and genuine as he reached out for a hug.
"thanks for having us over. It was a great night," he said, wrapping his arms around you in a friendly embrace. you hugged him back, feeling the comfort of his presence.
as you pulled away, you noticed sunghoon standing a few steps behind jake, his expression unreadable. his eyes were fixed on the floor, and he made no move to step forward. there was an air of detachment about him that seemed out of place.
“goodnight, sunghoon," you said, hoping to catch his eye. but he didn't look up. he simply nodded once, almost imperceptibly, and turned to walk out the door without another word. the door closed behind him, leaving you standing there, confused and a little hurt.
jake noticed your puzzled expression and gave you a small, reassuring smile, "don't worry about him. he's probably just tired," he said softly, patting your shoulder before following sunghoon out the door.
you watched them walk down the driveway, jake's easygoing stride contrasting sharply with sunghoon's tense posture.
the night air was cool, and you shivered slightly, not entirely from the cold. you couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. sunghoon's silence and his refusal to say goodbye gnawed at you, leaving a lingering sense of unease.
jay came up behind you, drying his hands on a dish towel, "everything okay?" he asked, noticing your troubled expression.
“i’m not sure," you replied, still staring at the spot where sunghoon had been standing, "sunghoon didn't say goodbye. he seemed... different."
jay frowned, looking thoughtful, “maybe he's just got something on his mind. you know how he can be sometimes."
“yeah, maybe," you said, though you weren't entirely convinced. theimage of Sunghoon's emotionless face stayed with you as you closed the door and locked it for the night.
as you headed to bed, you couldn't help but wonder why sunghoon decided to act like he cared about you and then act like he didn’t care anymore. you hummed and slowly closed your eyes before falling asleep.
The morning sun filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow across your room. you stretched and yawned, feeling the remnants of sleep leave your body. it was time to start your usual morning routine.
you got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to freshen up. after a quick shower, you brushed your teeth and combed your hair, feeling more awake with each passing minute.
dressed and ready for the day, you made your way to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast. as you poured yourself a bowl of cereal, you heard footsteps approaching. turning around, you saw jay entering the kitchen, looking as relaxed as ever.
“morning jay," you greeted him with a smile.
“morning," he replied, grabbing an apple from the counter, "hey, just so you know, i'm gonna be hanging out with jake today. he was complaining about how he needs new shoes.”
you nodded, taking a bite of your cereal, "cool, sounds fun. what about sunghoon? isn't he coming with you guys?"
jay shook his head, a puzzled look crossing his face. "no, he said he didn't want to go. weird, right? he always hangs out with us."
you frowned, feeling a twinge of confusion. sunghoon was usually the first to join in on any plans with the group. "that’s strange. did he say why?"
jay shrugged, taking a bite of his apple, "nope, he just seemed off on call. maybe he's got something else going on."
you couldn't shake the feeling that something was up with sunghoon. determined to get to the bottom of it, you decided to check in on him later. for now, you finished your breakfast and went about your day, the mystery of sunghoon's behavior lingering in the back of your mind.
after breakfast, you tidied up the kitchen and headed out for a morning jog. the crisp air and the rhythmic sound of your footsteps on the pavement helped clear your mind.
returning home, you took a quick shower and changed into comfortable clothes. you decided to text sunghoon, hoping to get some answers.
Y/n: Hey Sunghoon. Everything okay? Jay mentioned you weren't joining them today.
minutes passed without a response, and you grew more anxious. you tried to distract yourself by diving into a book, but your thoughts kept drifting back to sunghoon. finally, your phone buzzed with a message. it was Sunghoon.
Sunghoon: I’m fine.
his reply was short, almost dismissive. you knew sunghoon well enough to sense that something was off. you couldn’t decide to think anything better than pay him a visit.
you grabbed your keys and headed to sunghoon's place. the walk wasn’t that far with him living in the same neighborhood. as you finally got to his house you felt a sudden nervousness.
as you approached his door, you hesitated for a moment before knocking. a couple seconds the door opened, sunghoon opened the door, his expression one of confusion and mild annoyance.
"what are you doing here?" he asked, his tone colder than you expected.
“i was worried about you," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. "you didn't hang out with jay and jake, and you seemed distant when you texted me. what's going on?"
sunghoon's eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest, “why do you care? it's none of your business."
you felt a pang of hurt at his words, “of course, it's my business! we're friends, and friends look out for each other. you've been acting strange lately, and i’m worried."
“well, maybe you should mind your own business," sunghoon snapped, his voice growing harsher. "i don't need you or anyone else telling me what to do."
your confusion turned to frustration, “why are you being like this? i'm just trying to help you!"
sunghoon's expression didn't soften, "i don't need your help. just leave me alone."
anger flared up inside you, and you couldn't hold back any longer, "fine! if you want to be a jerk, then be a jerk! but don't expect me to keep worrying about you if you're going to treat me like this."
sunghoon's eyes flickered with something you couldn't quite place, but he didn't say anything more. he simply turned and walked back into his house, leaving the door open just long enough for you to see that he truly didn't care.
feeling a mix of anger and sadness, you turned and walked away from sunghoon's house. when you finally arrived back home, you saw jay standing outside, waiting for you. he looked concerned as he approached.
"are you okay? where were you? you could at least text me where you’re going." jay asked, his voice gentle.
you didn't even look at him as you brushed past, "i'm fine," you muttered, not wanting to talk about what had just happened.
jay reached out to stop you, but you pulled away, needing some space to process everything. you went inside, leaving jay standing there, knowing he was worried but unable to face another confrontation.
the sun slowly settled down, and you were curled up on the couch, flipping through channels but not really paying attention to anything. your mind kept drifting back to the tense encounter with sunghoon earlier.
just then, jay burst into the living room, excitement radiating off him, "there's this party tonight. you should come with me. you could meet my girlfriend finally.
you looked up, not really feeling the party vibe. "i don't know, jay. i’m not really in the mood for a party tonight. maybe i can meet her after?
he gave you a knowing look, "come on, it'll be fun! plus, i heard sunghoon's going to be there. maybe we can ask him why he was acting weird."
you heart skipped a beat at the mention of sunghoon. despite the argument, you couldn't deny the feelings you had for him more than your anger.
maybe this party could be a chance to make things right, "sunghoon's going to be there?" you asked, trying to sound casual.
jay nodded, a smile playing on his lips, "yep. so, what do you say? are you in?"
you hesitated for a moment before nodding, "alright, i'll go. but I need to get ready."
jay grinned, "great! we've got a couple of hours, so take your time."
you rushed to your room, heart racing with a mix of excitement and nerves. you wanted to look your best, hoping to catch Sunghoon's eye and maybe even talk things out.
you rummaged through your closet, finally settling on your favorite outfit—a sleek dress that made you feel confident and beautiful.
you applied your makeup, you couldn't help but think about what you would say to Sunghoon. you wanted to apologize for the argument and explain how much you cared about him. with a final touch of lipstick, you looked in the mirror, feeling ready to face the night.
jay was waiting for you downstairs, and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw you, "wow, never seen you this ready.”
you smiled, feeling a bit more confident, “let's go."
the drive to the party was filled with jay's chatter about who would be there and what to expect. you appreciated the distraction, but your mind kept drifting back to sunghoon. when you arrived, the party was already in full swing, with music blasting and people mingling everywhere.
jay led you inside, and you scanned the room, searching for sunghoon. you spotted him near the back, talking to a group of friends. he was leaning against a wall with a drink in his hand, looking a bit tipsy but still maintaining his usual cool demeanor.
Your heart pounded as you made your way over, trying to muster the courage to approach him.
“sunghoon, can we talk?” you asked softly, stepping closer.
he looked up, his expression unreadable, “what is it?” he replied, his voice a mix of curiosity and annoyance.
you bit your lip, “is it okay if we go to a more private space?” you asked. sunghoon looked over at his friends and said something to them. he then averted his stare to you.
he walked past you without saying a word. you followed him past the loud people and music before going upstairs to a bedroom. he went in first and then with you shutting the door. you faced him and decided to just do it.
“i’m really sorry about earlier,” you began, your voice trembling slightly, “i didn’t mean to upset you. i was just frustrated, and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair.”
sunghoon sighed, rubbing his temples, “yeah, well, it wasn’t exactly a great conversation.”
you nodded, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “i know, and I feel terrible about it. I just want us to be okay.”
he stared at you for a moment, and then a small smile tugged at his lips, “you always talk too much when you’re nervous,” he said, stepping closer. before you could respond, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, silencing your apologies.
the kiss was gentle but firm, and you could taste the alcohol on his lips. it was a mix of emotions – his frustration, your regret, and a shared longing to make things right.
when he finally pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours, “i’m not mad anymore,” he whispered, “but i do know what can help you to be forgiven.”
you nodded, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders, “i’ll do anything to make you forgive me,” you said.
instead of saying something, he smashed his lips against yours. you wrapped your arms around his neck. you couldn’t believe you were finally kissing him.
you let out a tiny moan when he gripped your waist harder. he signaled you to jump making you do so. he lead you both to the bed while still having his lips latched onto yours. he set you softly on the bed and kissed your neck softly.
you gripped his locks softly and sighed feeling him go along your neck to your chest. you helped him take off your dress by unzipping on the back. when the dress finally fell slack you felt shyness course through your body.
you tried to cover yourself, but sunghoon gripped both of your wrists above your head. “sunghoon wait-“
he ignored you and rubbed his thigh against your core. you arched your back and let out a loud moan. a smirk tugged on his lips, “sensitive are we?” he teased.
you hid your face in your arm, feeling embarrassed. he traced his fingers alongside your bra before grabbing the strap and sliding it down along your shoulders. you gasped feeling his cold hands fondling your breast.
you whimpered when he flicked it and gripped it harshly, “sunghoon please.” you breathed out. sunghoon clicked his tongue.
“be patient slut.” he snapped. you but back your words and hummed. he lowered his head to your breast, and finally you felt his hot tongue on them. he sucked them hungrily like he’s been waiting to do this for a long time. loud moans and kissing noises were heard.
you squirmed and cried out when he let go of them with a ‘pop’. he took off his jacket and shirt revealing his toned body. you pouted when you couldn’t feel his abs since his hands were still holding you down.
he grinned when he saw you trying to release from his grip, “i told you to be patient didn’t i?” he rasped. you nodded your head, wanting to be good. he chuckled darkly.
you suddenly felt a hand on your core and that’s when sunghoon started rubbing alongside your folds. you let out a squeal when he dipped his hand in your underwear and rubbed your clit.
“sunghoon ahh~” you cried out. he prodded around your hole before slowly dipping a finger in. you felt a shooting pain and tried closing your legs.
“if you can’t take a finger, how can you take my dick?” he asked so casual. you felt your cheeks go red. you slowly tried relaxing, feeling the stretch burn.
slowly, you felt him go in and out causing you to let out a quiet moan. when sunghoon noticed you were feeling good, he added another finger in making you squirm.
soon enough, three fingers were already inside you moving back and forth. your loud moans sounding desperate. you felt your orgasm coming and tried signaling sunghoon. he didn’t stop when you felt your legs shake as your orgasm went right through you.
you let out a desperate breath when he let his fingers slip out. you watched him lick his fingers clean with your cum. you blinked twice and squeezed your legs together. he let go of your wrists and began to unbuckle his belt and slid his pants and boxers down.
you let out a gasp seeing how big he was. there was no way he could fit. he hissed when he touched his dick and let out long strokes. you gulped seeing his pre cum seep out. letting your mind take over you for up and crawled towards him.
he eyes you confused before he felt your smaller hand grip his dick. he let out a groan and threw his head back. you stroked it slowly up and down before licking his pre cum. you hummed at his salty taste.
you didn’t know where your confidence was coming from, just seeing him so open to you had you thinking strange. you opened your mouth and engulfed his dick. sunghoon jerked forward a bit at the sudden warmth and gripped your hair.
“agh fuck, just like that slut.” he groaned. you moaned around his dick and sucked it harshly. his mains turning you on more. as you were about to finger yourself, sunghoon gripped your hair.
“don’t you fucking dare.” he growled. you whined, but didn’t move a muscle. you felt him tensing up indicating he was gonna cum soon and stroked his balls. a few seconds later you felt hot sperm in your mouth.
he let out a drawn moan and slowly let go of you. you took his dick out your mouth and swallowed his cum. he watched you intensely and wiped his cum off your lips. he lifted his fingers towards your mouth. you sucked on them until there was no more left.
he didn’t give you time to speak before you felt yourself being pushed back with your pussy in view for him. you let out a scream when you felt his dick enter you without warning.
he started thrusting into your pussy without giving you time to adjust. your eyes rolled back feeling him deep inside you, “s-sunghoon! oh fuck!” you screamed out. sunghoon just hummed and kissed your cheek.
you suddenly felt another orgasm coming already and wrapped your arms around his neck, “i-i think i’m gonna c-cum.” you stuttered. sunghoon cursed and wrapped his hand around your neck, squeezing it as a warning.
“you cum, i’ll overstimulate you.” he sternly said. you let whined moan. how can you not cum when he’s fucking you so deep? his pace didn’t falter one bit. you felt like it was going to be eternity until he cums.
sunghoon groaned feeling you squeezed around him trying to hold your orgasm. you felt his dick pulsating and before you could let out another word, sunghoon beat you to it.
“cum for me bitch.” he whispered in your ear. you felt your orgasm hit you hard. you mouth fell slack when he took out his dick and stroked it on your stomach until his cum spurred out.
you both let out heavy breathing until sunghoon put on his shirt and jacket. he went to the bathroom and wiped you off before putting on his boxer and pants. he helped you out with your clothing too until you were dressed.
as you both stood there in silence, you suddenly heard someone knocking causing you to jump, “everything good here?” someone asked, it was jake. your eyes widened and you looked over at sunghoon who expression was unreadable.
before you could say something sunghoon went towards the door opening it. jake backed up and looked surprised.
“oh shit, my bad sunghoon. i didn’t know you were in here-“ jake sentence cut off when he saw you behind him, “oh? hey y/n?”
you awkwardly waved. sunghoon looked back at you and turned towards jake. he walked past jake not giving another word out, leaving you there alone and shocked. what the hell?
jake stared at you confused, but you didn’t say anything and went out the room too. you made your way downstairs, but didn’t see sunghoon in sight. as you looked around you saw jay holding hands with a girl walking towards you, “hey y/n! this is-“ “where’s sunghoon?”
jay’s eyebrows furrowed, “oh, uh, i think i saw him leave-“ you didn’t let him finish his sentence and rushed out of the house. you looked around, but didn’t see sunghoon anywhere.
you felt disappointment on your chest and looked to the ground. was he just using you? you took out your phone and looked for sunghoon contact, shooting him a text about his disappearance.
you went back inside the house and told jay you wanted to go home. jay bid his goodbye to his girlfriend and escorted you out to his car.
the whole car ride was silent. none of you guys speaking a word. even when you came back home you left jay in the car and went inside, wanting to sleep.
as you lay in your bed, you sighed and finally let your tears roam free.
you woke up to the soft morning light filtering through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room. the events of the previous night were still fresh in your mind, and you felt a pang of anxiety as you recalled what happened yesterday sunghoon. you sighed and stretched, trying to shake off the lingering tension.
as you made your way to the kitchen, you found jay sitting at the table, sipping on a cup of coffee. he looked up and gave you a small smile, “morning," he greeted, his tone gentle.
“morning," you replied, trying to muster a smile in return.
jay studied you for a moment before speaking again, “jake told me you and sunghoon seemed upset about something. is everything okay between you guys?"
you felt a lump form in your throat and shook your head, "i don't really want to talk about it right now," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.
jay nodded understandingly, “that's okay. you don't have to talk about it if you're not ready." he paused, taking another sip of his coffee, "actually, i was planning to go to the mall today with my girlfriend and jake. we thought it might be fun to hang out and take our minds off things. would you like to join us? it could be like a double date."
you hesitated for a moment, considering his offer. the idea of spending time with friends and getting out of the house sounded appealing, “yeah, i think i'd like that," you agreed, feeling a small sense of relief.
jay's face lit up with a smile. "great! we'll leave in about an hour. take your time getting ready."
you nodded and headed back to your room to change. as you dressed, you couldn't help but think about sunghoon. you hoped that some time apart would give both of you the space to cool down and reflect on what had happened.
an hour later, you found yourself in jay's car, with his girlfriend in the front seat and jake sitting beside you in the back. the drive to the mall was filled with light-hearted chatter and laughter, and you felt your spirits lift as you listened to their banter.
when you arrived at the mall, the four of you wandered through the stores, stopping to browse and try on clothes. jay's girlfriend, hana, was sweet and friendly, and she quickly made you feel at ease. she linked arms with you as you walked, chatting animatedly about the latest fashion trends she took an interest too.
jake kept the mood light with his playful teasing and witty remarks. you found yourself laughing more than you had in days, and the tension from the previous night began to melt away.
at one point, you all stopped at a café for a break. as you sipped on your iced coffee, jay leaned in and gave you a reassuring smile, "i'm glad you came with us today," he said softly, “sometimes, a little distraction is all we need to feel better."
you nodded, feeling grateful for his understanding and support. just as you were gonna say something, your eyes wandered across the room and landed on a familiar figure.
sunghoon was there, sitting at a table with a girl. they were deep in conversation, laughing and smiling, completely absorbed in each other. your heart sank, a cold wave of realization crashing over you. it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, and the once comforting warmth of the café turned into a stifling heat.
as if sensing the reader's gaze, sunghoon looked up and their eyes met. for a moment, time seemed to stand still. you could see the surprise in his eyes, quickly followed by something else—guilt, perhaps? the girl with him noticed the change in his demeanor and turned to see what had caught his attention.
you quickly looked away, your heart pounding in your chest. the moment of peace was shattered, replaced by a whirlwind of emotions. you stood up abruptly, leaving your half-finished latte behind, and hurried out of the café, the sound of sunghoon's laughter still echoing in their ears. he’s never laughed like that towards you.
the sight of the girls behind, you knew she had to be pretty with the way her hair looked smooth and straight. her clothes fitting her body perfectly. you felt tears in your eyes after finally knowing that sunghoon was just using you.
you walked briskly down the street, your mind racing. you didn't know where you were going; you just needed to get away. the sound of footsteps behind you made you quicken your pace, but a familiar voice called out your name, stopping you in your tracks.
“wait! please, just wait!" sunghoon's voice was breathless, and when you turned around, you saw the desperation in his eyes.
“what do you want, sunghoon?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady despite the turmoil inside.
“i can explain," he said, stepping closer. "it's not what you think. she's just a friend, i swear."
“do you think I'm stupid?" you shot back, anger and hurt lacing your words. "i saw how you were with her."
before sunghoon could respond, you heard another set of voices approaching. jay, hana, and jake appeared, looking concerned.
“what's going on here?" Jay demanded, his eyes narrowing as he looked between you and sunghoon, "why have you guys been acting like this?"
“it’s not what it looks like," Sunghoon started, but jay cut him off.
“then what is it?" jay's voice was rising, and you could see the frustration building. "you two have been acting weird for weeks, and now this? i thought we were friends sunghoon!”
jake stepped forward, trying to defuse the situation, "let's all just calm down and talk about this."
but jay wasn't having it, "no, i want to know the truth. are you two...?" he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
you took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment, "there's nothing going on between us, jay. sunghoon and i are just friends. but seeing him with that girl... it hurt."
jay looked at you, his pissed off expression slowly fading slightly, "why didn't you tell me you had feelings for him?"
“b-because i knew you would be mad. and because sunghoon doesn’t like me in that way." you admitted, feeling a tear slip down your cheek. you felt embarrassed and guilty.
sunghoon stepped closer, his eyes filled with regret, "i'm sorry. i never meant to hurt you. i should have been honest."
you look up at sunghoon teary eyed. before sunghoon could step closer towards you, jay cut him off, “get the fuck away from her.”
everyone stared at jay in shock. he’s never cussed at any of his best friends, “i trusted you sunghoon and jake to not go after my sister for so many reasons and that’s the first thing you do? until she explains everything to me from a to z, you’re not coming to my house. you’re not gonna speak to me or her until you get your shit together.” he demanded.
he left without a word while hana followed him. jake stared at both of you pitying before following along. you slowly got up and walked past sunghoon. before you could walk away, sunghoon softly grabbed your wrist.
you met his soft gaze, “i’m sorry for everything.” he whispered. you didn’t say anything and left him alone. it was your turn to walk out on him.
taglist:
@laylasbunbunny @umsivsworld @woofie-nctzen-fanarts
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Experimenting
Male!Vampire Scientist x Fem!Experiment Reader
Bunni’s Monstertober Event
Oct 18th
Oct 17
Oct 19
summary: when a vampire needs a source of unlimited blood, he turns to science. You’re his experiment, and a bit spoiled…
warnings: blood drinking, cock warming, male lead is a bit manipulative
a/n: shut up if I have any spelling mistakes 🙏 I’m trying to catch up
You let out an annoyed whine as he poked his head into your room. You were in the middle of a movie, eating a snack.
“Darling~”
He walked in, throwing his lab coat aside and jumping into your bed. The man had a habit of coming to you after a long day in the lab, being clingy and over baring.
“H-hey, don’t jump in my bed before you wash up!”
You pouted, squirming as he pulled you on his lap and rubbed his cheek against your neck.
“Oh, don’t fuss my dear… you know I just adore you, it’s hard to stay away for long.”
Before you could whine anymore, he moved his hand between your thighs, pressing against your wet panties.
“Don’t you remember who saved you? Who’s spoiled you rotten?”
You did remember.
Before you had been living on the street, hungry and barely hanging on. One night you were caught in the middle of a shoot out, and nearly died from blood loss,
He found you curled up in an alleyway, buried beneath trash and filth. You had already died, not even turning you into a vampire could bring you back…
So he used the knowledge he had gained from his research so far from both science and witchcraft to give you life.
One of the side effects was that you overproduce blood, and had to be drained daily. It was a happy surprise, and he decided to keep you for himself as his blood bag.
You were kept in a sterile section of his lap, your bed a plain cot and your food some sort of nutritional mush.
It was hardly the place for a girl… but it would do. You were just an experiment, after all.
That had been his idea at first, to keep you in his laboratory and feed from you every once in a while… but he grew fond of you quickly.
A room was decorated with your interests in mind, and he made sure you were comfortable and had everything you could ever want.
You were almost like his doll, something he could play with when he was bored. He dressed you up, kept you in a pretty room… you were his perfect, pretty little doll.
That’s what he told himself. In all reality, he truly cared for you. Once you bring someone back from death and care for them for months while they recover, you become fond of that person and want to see them thrive.
As he thought this over, your memory was a bit different.
You reached out for him to help you, and he carried you back to his lab himself, not caring that you were dirty and smelled of decay.
Your spirit watched as he carefully cleaned and stitched up your broken body, his hands gentle and caring. Even though you were simply a corpse, he still dressed you and placed a pillow under your head while he researched ways to save you at his desk.
When you woke up in your body, you were in something much softer than the ground you slept on every night. Every day you ate until you were full, and always had energy to walk around.
You weren’t hungry or cold or dirty anymore… that was enough for you, but he gave you even more! A room just for you, dressed and games and books and all the attention and love you could ever ask for…
But it was so hard to accept all of this, to really give in to being spoiled. Especially when you were crushing this hard on him…
His fangs brushed against your neck as he slipped the silk panties he bought for you aside. Lately his affections had turned from platonic to sexual, and he had been toying with you a lot.
Experimenting.
“I see… this is how wet you get when I rub here, hmm?”
He licked along your neck, eyes on your fat cunt as he flicked your clit, causing you to yelp and your hips to buck.
“H-hey…”
His cock hardened when you squirmed, your plump ass moving against his hard on. “That hurts…”
You were pouting, your face warm and flustered.
“So cute…”
He lifted your hips with ease, his cock rubbing against your cunt before he slowly lowered you into it.
Though you’d never taken cock before, he had been slowly stretching you out for weeks now, pumping his fingers in and out of you, getting you ready to take him.
You could only whine and whimper, embarrassed that it felt so good. You attempted to move, but he kept you still, his fingers toying with your clit.
“Relax, love…”
His fangs sunk into your neck, causing you to wiggle and writhe in mild discomfort, which made his cock twitch inside of you. The man continued to stimulate your clit as he fed from you.
Your soft body felt warm against him, and having your blood flowing through his felt intimate. You were connected in a way no one else could be.
As he finished up his feeding, he began lightly bouncing you, letting you ride out your orgasm as his cum spurted into your womb.
Afterwards you were tired and a bit cranky from the blood loss, so he carried you to a bath and washed you up before tucking you into bed.
Why did he do so much for you? He wasn’t sure… but you knew.
He loved you, his little experiment had become his mate and he hadn’t even noticed yet.
want more of this? my commissions and kofi are open!
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#vampire x you#vampire x reader#vampire x human#vampire smut#vampire boyfriend#monster fucker#monster lover#monster fudger#monster boyfriend#monster fic#ask answered#chubby!reader#chubby reader#x reader#terato#fem reader#teraphilia#terat0philliac#exophelia#female reader#teratophillia#monster smut#monster boy oc#monster fucking#fat reader#monster imagine#monster bf#monster x human#plus size reader
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Best Friend Rafe x Reader Late Nights
Warnings: None (yet), fluff, soft rafe, yearning
To Rafe: r u up?
Not even a minute has passed, and your phone rings with a FaceTime from Rafe. “What’d you need?” He asked, his voice laced heavily with sleep, making you somewhat guilty for disrupting his slumber. ‘I’m hungry,” You say sheepishly, watching as his eyes were barely open and a yawn left his lips. You were expecting him to say, ‘Does your house not have food?’ And brush off your late-night cravings, but he never does. “I’ll be there in five,” was all he said, and you thanked him over the phone, giddy that you’d get to sedate your grumbling stomach.
You didn’t even bother to get dressed, only wearing your skimpy pajama shorts and tank top as you waited by the porch for Rafe. The crips night air nipping at you and riddling your skin with gooseflesh. When you see the headlights of his truck, you are quick to stand and greet him as he drives his way through the rotund driveway of your estate. You walked towards his truck, not expecting him to get off, but he did just open your door. “Thanks, Rafe!” You chirped, still full of energy, a deep contrast from his tiredness. “It’s two am, why are you still awake?” Rafe yawned once more as you wore your seatbelt.
“I accidentally drank this energy drink, which I thought was just like regular soda, and somehow it made me fall asleep; weird, right? It’s an energy drink, and it’s supposed to keep me up, but it made me want to take a nap instead. Anyway, I took like a four-hour nap and woke at eight, and I thought I could fall back to sleep again, but I didn’t, and I started to get hungry I then thought I could just sleep away and wait ’til breakfast, but no, so, here we are.” You rumbled on, still full of life, but Rafe simply hummed and nodded as he drove into the street.
“Where’d you wanna eat? I’m not sure if anything is open right now; our regular diner’s closed for renovations.” Rafe asked, turning to you, who he had only now noticed was not at all wearing anything beneath your tank top. Your nipples shamelessly straining through your shirt, and Rafe quickly refocused his gaze on the road, his morning wood he had just gotten rid of quickly returning. Rafe bit his lip and reached back to grab his sweatshirt, and handed it to you, avoiding looking in your direction because it was too much of a temptation. “Oh, thanks! I was cold,” You say, and Rafe could only nod, the evidence of your chilliness straining through your shirt.
“We might have to drive around for a bit; nothing seems to be open,” Rafe muttered after a moment as you played around with the stereo system, your phone already connected to the Bluetooth because it was always you who had the command on what songs were played in his truck. Rafe’s sleepy state was awoken when you started to sing along loudly to one of those pop songs you loved. You can’t sing for shit, but Rafe could not help but be amused as you belted out the songs, a rather endearing quality about you. You only truly sang out loud when you were alone or when Rafe was around; you found the action of singing too intimate and vulnerable that you could only do it when you were in his presence. Him being the only one blessed to hear your off-key singing.
“Why are you so quiet? You love this song!” You yelled through the blasting music, poking Rafe’s side and making him laugh, him finally singing along to the song he would never sing along in front of Topper or Kelce because they’d surely tease him.
You and Rafe drove around aimlessly, your hunger forgotten as you and Rafe sang along to whatever song played next. You and Rafe had passed by countless newly opened restaurants, but you didn’t seem to notice, and Rafe took advantage of your obliviousness to spend more time with you. It was nearing sunrise when he finally circled around and went back to an open diner he saw a few miles back. Your energy never seemed to run out; you still sang along and randomly blabbed about everything you could think of to your best friend.
Rafe hopped out of his car as you were still talking about some island gossip, your voice growing distant as he circled his vehicle to open the door for you, who still had not taken a breath in between the words that spilled out of your lips. Rafe sighed and shook his head as he draped his arm around your shoulders and guided you toward the diner.
“What are you ordering?” Rafe asked you as you perused the menu. “I don’t know…” You trailed, Rafe already guessing that was your reply. “I kinda want waffles, bacon, and coffee, but I also want a burger, fries, and shake…” You said, in deep ponder, what to order. “What can I get for you two?” A waitress appeared, and Rafe turned to her, “I’ll get a stack of pancakes with sausage and a side of hashbrowns on the side,” Rafe said and placed down his menu, “And for your girlfriend?” The waitress asked, and before you could speak, Rafe ordered for you. “She’ll have the waffles with bacon, a coffee, and the cheeseburger with fries and a chocolate milkshake.” Rafe quickly said, not letting you pick between the two things you wanted to order. “Okay, it’ll be out in a minute,” the waitress took your menus, and Rafe smirked as she thought you were his girlfriend. Neither of you corrected her because it was often that you two were mistaken as a couple when, in truth, you two were just best friends.
The two of you were enveloped in silence as you ate, too hungry to focus on anything else than your food. You were halfway into your two meals when Rafe noticed you were too quiet. He raised his gaze and could not help but let out a breath of a laugh as you started drifting off to sleep, your hand still clutching a fork that was filled with food. Rafe bit his lip and took out his phone to take a sneaky picture of you, adding the photo to his growing album of you drifting off to sleep still whilst eating.
When Rafe finished his meal, he placed the payment on the table and went to your side of the booth to carry your figure, deep in slumber, back to his car. It surprised him that you didn’t wake with all the movements. When he reached your home, he did not even dare to wake you up, simply carrying you again and walking you back to your room before placing you in your bed. Rafe observed your sleeping form, admiring the way your lashes fanned your cheeks, and there was still a hint of maple syrup at the corner of your mouth. The sun was starting to rise, and Rafe’s own tiredness was starting to get to him. He let his hand run along your hair and boldly placed a chaste kiss on your forehead before stepping away, but you took hold of your wrist before he could. “Stay,” you mumbled, and Rafe felt his pulse in his ears at what you had uttered; he didn’t even think twice before agreeing. “Okay,” he whispered and lay on the other side of the bed, his heart doubling as you turned to him and cuddled close to his chest. Rafe wrapped his arms around you and sighed deeply, waiting for the day that you two would do this again, but not just as friends.
#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe smut#rafe cameron smut#rafe fanfiction#rafe fic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron one shot#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron obx#obx fanfiction#obx fic#obx smut#outer banks#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks smut#rafe x you
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#casually spending my sunday night cutting myself and listening to searows on repeat because i can't handle the weight of my existence#all i can think of is how much i haye everything i do these days#I'm losing my love for all the things i enjoyed#nothing makes me happy anymore#i feel as bad as i did before i was hospitalized#i just. wish i knew how to make it better#not counting work i never talk to anyone anymor#and i know it's largely my fault but i just. don't know what to say anymore#i can feel everyone getting bored of me and pulling away because of my isolation#even my roommate and i barely interact anymore#i just. feel like a husk#our house is completely trashed because i don't have the energy for anything at all#i can barely make it through work. the only motivation and energy i have is spent just keeping myself alive#and even that's barely#i hardly eat or sleep. i keep drinking soda knowing it leads to my blood pressure attacks#I'm completely sabotaging myself and I'm doing it on purpose#anyway#self harm //#tw self harm
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Good Girls in the Dark - Choi Yena
"Hello, I'm Choi Yena, nice to meet you!"
"Omo son why didn't you tell us your girlfriend is so pretty?! Come in come in!" Your mom quickly leads Yena into your home, who's already locking arms with her. "Finally you bring someone back for Chuseok!" she looks back at you and admonishes. You simply shake your head and follow them in.
"You look so young, I thought you were oppa's sister!"
"Oh stop it, you have such a sweet tongue!"
Yena's a good girl.
At least, that was your initial impression when you met her for the first time—it was supposed to be a Yuehua flex, having Yena drop by to say hi, to congratulate everyone on the successful joint project between Yuehua and your company. Mindful and demure, she was considerate of everyone, smiling and greeting all of you like the energetic idol she is.
True to her energy, she insisted you all go to a club for the afterparty, but the group soon diffuses into the crowd—some people left almost immediately, others stayed for a few drinks, and yet more broke off into their cliques. You try to sneak out too, until Yena somehow gets a hold of you, pulling you into a dark corner of the club. She has a drink in hand, but by now it is empty save for a few drops of whatever she had.
"Why do you keep looking at me?" she demands to know.
"What? I haven't!"
"Don't lie, I saw you sneaking looks." You were, but you didn't think Yena would notice, that you would just blend in with your co-workers.
"How would you know?" you fire back.
"Because I've been looking at you too." It must be the alcohol in Yena talking, for she smashes her lips into yours, tongue immediately pushing into your mouth. She does have a sweet tongue. "Can I trust you?"
"You should have asked me that before you kissed me."
"Oops, oh well. Now answer the question."
"Yes."
"Good, I don't want to go home tonight," she breathes into your ear.
Yena's a good girl in the dark.
"So how did you two meet?" your dad asks during dinner.
"At work! I was at an event for our company, and he was there! He was very nice to me."
"That's all it took? My son is good!"
"Dad don't," you mutter, shaking your head and leaving the table carrying your dishes. At least Yena didn't say it started with a hookup, or your parents would have had an aneurysm. The one night stands became more frequent, and your apartment became a place for stress relief for Yena.
Over time the two of you ended up spending equal amounts of time talking and fucking, and both of you finally gathered the courage to give in to your feelings and agree to start dating—to be fair, neither of you were seeing anyone else anyways, so exclusivity wasn't a discussion that needed to be had. Ironically the dating aspect wasn't really a thing either—Yena was an idol, so any dates you two had were just at your place.
"What? Our son is so charming, he found a celebrity girlfriend! And she eats so much too, I thought you would be dieting or something, I was afraid I made too much!" you hear your mum say.
"No no, that's just a stereotype, I eat more than he does!"
"That's great, you eat so well!"
Yena's a good girl.
~~
"Fuck, you eat me so well," you moan as Yena slurps you, tongue running up the underside of your shaft. It's early in the morning, the sunlight just peeking through the curtains. You can barely make out the shape of Yena in your sleepy haze, but you can definitely identify her by her tongue and hands.
"Because your cum is so delicious!" she says as she strokes you, eager for her morning cum-ffee. "I can see some of it already!" She licks your tip, swiping up the dripping precum. Yena's hungry for more, and she goes deep on your cock, taking all of it in easily. The loud sloppy noises she makes are the lewdest alarm sounds you've ever heard, and your favorite by far.
"Oh fuck, Yena, I'm gonna cum!" There is no holding back your orgasm, and your hand finds itself in her hair, pushing her down like she was an alarm clock. You thrust up involuntarily, and Yena hums as you hit the roof of her mouth, feeling you surrender in the form of a thick morning load sliding down her throat. Yena's eyeing you as you come down from your peak, making sure you're fully drained before she let's you go with a pop.
"Thanks, I gotta go now."
"Wait, I need something for the morning too no?" You wiggle your eyebrows and Yena laughs.
"I suppose I can spare a few minutes," she sighs theatrically and slides up your body. You expect her to remove her pants and underwear, but she's already naked from the waist down.
"Tch, you were expecting it weren't you?"
"I knew you would repay the favor." She pushes herself onto your face.
Yena's a good girl in the dark.
~~
"Auntie, do you need help with the dishes?"
"Oh no no no you're the guest, you can't be helping with the dishes!"
"I don't mind, besides it makes the dishes go by faster!"
"You see son, why can't you be more like Yena?"
"I live by myself, I do the dishes back home already!"
"I don't care, come help us with the dishes or else!" your mom threatens.
"Fine."
"God it's like I have to beg you to do the dishes, at least Yena's so polite and well-mannered, offering to help!"
Yena's a good girl.
~~
"Please sir."
"What do you want me to do Yena?" you ask the naked idol bent over your lap.
"Spank me."
"What's the magic word?"
"Please spank me." You reward her with a hearty slap across her ass, watching it jiggle and turn red. Yena yelps before thanking you.
"Good." You rub her cheek to soothe her before slipping your hand between her legs—she's dripping. Carelessly you run a finger along her pussy, letting her wetness coat it before wiping it on her. Yena squirms, and you wrap an arm around her midriff, holding her flush against your body, trapping her. Yena takes a deep breath and relaxes, going limp briefly.
"T-Thank you." It made her feel taken care of—she can let her mind go blank, let the pleasure take over, leave everything to you. But you tease her, rubbing her slit as you stroke her head, petting her like you pet a cat, or a duck perhaps. All while she can feel your erection poking her from below. Yena's little gasps and moans get louder and more frequent, breathing heavily over your lap as you continue.
"Please put it in." You push two fingers in, and Yena clenches immediately around them. You push Yena forward on your lap, bending her over one thigh to give you better access to her pussy. Yena's almost folded in half over your leg, blood rushing to her head as she watches her own toes curl uncontrollably due to your fingering. You dig deep, bending and twisting your fingers, as if trying to find the last cookie crumb deep inside Yena's jar. You do find what you're looking for, and Yena's the cookie that crumbles.
"R-Right there!" Beneath you Yena's face is red, both from pleasure, and from the little droplets she sees appearing between her legs. "Wait oppa, I'm going to make a mess—"
"Oppa?"
"I mean, ah! Sir, sorry sir, wait, stop!" You dig a little harder, a little faster, and it becomes a stream of liquid pleasure, leaking down her leg and dripping off Yena's toes.
"Manners Yena."
"Puhlea—" Before she can get the second syllable fully out you press her sensitive clit with your thumb and Yena chokes out a desperate cry, drenching your hand in her slick as she cums hard. Yena claws at your leg, gripping it tightly while she splashes over you. You help Yena right herself, but her legs are weak, and she sits in a puddle of her own juices as she lays her head on your thigh, breathing shallow and labored. You lay a hand on her cheek, and she turns to kiss it, as if soothing herself on you. When she opens her eyes again she looks up at you, before looking to the tent you're pitching in your pants.
"I want you," she whispers, managing to push herself up and pull your shorts off. Her hands go to your boxers, but you stop her.
"Are you forgetting something?"
"Please." Yena says it like an afterthought, removing your boxers and getting in your lap—her slick covered legs are spreading it everywhere on your couch. She tries to sink herself on to you, but you shift your hips, making her miss. "Come on!"
"Say it like you mean it."
"Please, I need you in me." She grabs your cock, her hands wrapping around your length. "I need something thick in me, my pussy needs something to... grip!" She twists her hands, squeezing you tightly. You let her position you at her entrance, and your cock twitches a little as a few more drops of slick land on your shaft.
"Please give me your cock," Yena whispers before kissing you needily.
You slam her down on you.
"Oh fuck!"
Yena's a good girl in the dark.
~~
"Yena do you drink? Are you allowed to?"
"Oh yes of course we are allowed to, I'll have whatever oppa has."
"Okay I'll go get the beer."
"No dear, get the ginseng wine."
"Should I?" Your dad nods emphatically.
"We're all becoming one family here, we can break out the good stuff and celebrate!" You know exactly where this is going as your mum brings the wine.
"Dad no don't do that!" You grab Yena's hand in apology. "Sorry."
"No no, I'm sure Yena doesn't mind! All we're saying, your mum and I, is that we would approve of whatever you two want to do in the future. Get married, have kids, you know, whatever you want!"
"It's okay uncle, I understand, thank you for being so nice to me and making me feel so welcome! We haven't really talked about our future, but it's good to know we have your support!"
"Good, see, that's a sensible young woman! Cheers!"
Yena's a good girl.
The operative word there is "really", because you two have certainly talked about your future together.
In bed.
In the heat of the moment.
While you're deep in Yena.
~~
"How many kids should I put in you, how many do you want!" you grunt as you thrust down into her, feeling her clench around you in response. Yena's legs push uselessly against your arms, your elbows locking her knees down in a mating press.
"As many as you want, fuck! That's so deep!" Her arms have a stranglehold around your neck, keeping you close, her flexibility allowing you to kiss her even as you fuck her in the uncompromising position. Yena's tits jiggle as you pound into her, a lewd visual of just how hard you're thrusting.
"B-Breed me, breed me harder!" It was a kink that Yena let slip once, and since then you've indulged her, joining her in enjoying the thought, relishing the feel of fucking Yena raw each and every time.
"Fuck I'm going to cum, you better keep count!" you shout as you slam down into her with finality, letting loose multiple shots into her. Yena seems to go over the edge with you, clenching around your pulsing cock, lips mumbling incoherently. You collapse on top of her, burying yourself against her neck, kissing her lovingly and cuddling her. It is a little later before either of you are able to speak.
"Five, I counted five shots earlier," she murmurs into your ear, tickling you.
"That many?"
"Mmhmm, I must have drained a lot out of you, hm? Poor oppa." Yena jokes, pinching your cheek. But she pushes you on your back and gets on top of you. The sight of your load leaking out of her is enough to get you to half-mast, and her words get you the rest of the way there.
"Let me do the rest of the work. We have to contribute equally to get me knocked up." She slides her cream-filled warmth over you.
Yena's a good girl in the dark.
~~
"I'm done showering!" Yena announces to you as she joins you in the guest bedroom.
"Great, let's get some rest, it's been a long day." You pull the covers over the two of you and hold Yena close. "Thanks for coming here with me."
"Of course, your parents are so nice!"
"They got a little too excited about meeting you, sorry."
"No no it's okay, I like it, they're fans of me, because of you!"
"I guess." You kiss the top of her head, ready to sleep. Yena is not though, and she slips her hand under your t-shirt.
"Haven't I been a good girl today? Shouldn't you reward me?"
"Yena..." you start.
"I didn't tell them we started dating after multiple hookups together. I didn't tell them we do it raw all the time. I didn't—"
"You really want to have sex here, tonight?" Yena nods and throws a leg around you, and to your surprise she's already very wet.
"Just the thought, you know? Being part of your family, us being a family, starting a family. And I heard ginseng wine is good for you too, get the blood flowing." You know exactly why Yena's so wet now. "I-I even brought towels from the bathroom. I'm going to make such a mess." She says it like sex is a foregone conclusion.
"You're going to have be really quiet, I know how loud you get when you want me to breed you."
"That's what the other towel is for." She scrunches the towel up and bites down on it, looking at you pleadingly.
Yena's a good girl, but Yena's your good girl in the dark.
A/N: Just something quick and dirty, the whole "Good Girls in the Dark" song from her just gave me the idea lol. Right before her next comeback heh, maybe there's another "dirty" title there hopefully, or I'll just make it dirty as usual. Thanks for reading!
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