#I barely have enough energy to take care of myself at all I can’t deal with my hair right now it’s too hard

[redhotarsenic]

Local man expresses one (1) boundary for the first time (please do not touch my hair you are going to be very angry at me for what you will see) and mother goes on a Rant (you raised your voice at me how dare you you are being extremely disrespectful) and threatens to kick him out

[agoldenchara]

A Bat's Ultimate Plan for Vengeance!

Ch. 3: Making it official?

CW: Blood. Biting. The usual vampire shtick. Wink! W/C: 1.6k

“I haven’t even agreed yet.” But she shook your hand anyway, favoring the mission over her title of relationship. “I don’t have to call you ‘my lord’ like Corin does, do I?” “It’s in the fine print.”

"Are you two sure you want to take on this mission?” Lycaon eased into his office chair, lacing his fingers together as he leaned into the table.

You plopped down on the only seat in front of his desk, legs over the armrest and arms crossed. “It can’t be that bad, right?” 

Ellen closed the door behind you with a ‘click’, and moved to lean over the backrest of your chair. She looked down at you. “Dude, you can’t even fight. How are you going to guard?”

“Pfft- can too! I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve. Besides, they’ll go crying to their mothers once I bare my fangs. I’m just that notorious.” You tossed your hair, ether sparkles emitting with a wave of your hand.

She ignored you in favor of responding to her boss. “Uh, the client said he’ll pay overtime, right? I’ve been saving up to buy something, but if I can get this job over with, I’ll probably have enough for it.” Lycaon furrowed his brows. “This mission isn’t for a part-timer, Ellen. If you exert yourself on the job, I’m afraid we cannot come to your aid. The designated location is at least a city over. By the time we reach you, it will be a few hours too late.”

She pursed her lips, “Respectfully, sir, I can handle myself. It’s summer break and I don’t have anywhere I need to be. Thanks for worrying and all but..” The girl sighed, lowering her head. “Yeah, I guess this is really unlike me, huh..” She looked torn between her desires and her capabilities. It was true that she tired out in the most inopportune moments, but at her full focus, she was able to carry out her duties. ‘But 2 weeks..?’ She reconsidered.

“Ellen, you’re.. Narcoleptic?” You interrupted her thoughts, connecting the dots to her behavior. “Nah, everything just takes too much energy.. Give me sugar and I’ll probably survive.” She removed the lollipop from her mouth to make a point before reinserting it. “Oh! You’ll be fine. You have the greatest villain looking after you. Nothing escapes me!” You declared smugly, partly to her but also to prove yourself to Mr. Lycaon. ‘Another recruit and I’ll have half of the company at my beck and call.’ 

You were eager to make a show of taking over right in front of him, robbing his authority.

“If you agree to be my lackey, I promise to give you my full support. Deal?” You held out a hand for her to shake. She huffed, “We’re supposed to be partners.”

“Hear me out! I’m partly nocturnal, but I can stay awake for business at least. I’m pretty strong too! I’ve trained to lift rubble, so a body is practically nothing to me. You could even call me an artist the way I’ve been escaping my entire life. Rest assured, my dear lackey. ” “I haven’t even agreed yet.” But she shook your hand anyway, favoring the mission over her title of relationship. “I don’t have to call you ‘my lord’ like Corin does, do I?”

“It’s in the fine print.”

“Yeah, yeah, my lord.” You beamed, clearly pleased. “What do you think, Mr. Lycaon?” 

“I expect the two of you to contact me if things go awry.” Without pause, he slid open the drawer beside him and pulled out a flip phone. Despite being an old model, it was pristine and well taken care of, as if it was fresh out of the box. You snatched the phone and flipped it open, immediately scrolling through the contacts. Listed were only the names of your boss and your new servant.

“Pleasure doing business with you, sir!” You grinned and slid the phone into your pocket and stood, as if you weren’t his employee in the first place. The both of your took your leave, leaving Mr. Lycaon in a contemplative mood. The type of mood that warranted one staring out the large window that loomed behind their desk.

Ellen shut the door behind her and immediately pulled out her phone to message her friends. A smile began to form on her lips. “Thanks.” “Cruorem Y/N, but that’s ‘my lord’ to you. If that’s what it took to win you over, I’ll be climbing the ranks in no time!” You sped past her to return to your room, leaving her to her own business.

“Your first mission..!” Corin fussed over you, having returned from her day out. She allowed you to borrow her luggage, clothing and other essentials prepared for your departure. Remembering when Mr. Lycaon had delegated her first mission, she recalled her anxiety and projected it onto your situation. Though, unlike you, she had someone she trusted by her side to guide her. However, you did not know Ellen like she did. She hoped the two of you would get along. 

“Do you need anything else? Teddy?” She offered before you wrapped her in your arms, pressing her head to your chest to prevent her from running around. Corin huffed in surprise, but made no comment. Her face flushed and warmed your cold body.

Corin lightly picked at the hem of your vest as silence washed over the room. The two of you stood in the middle of the room before the only opened curtains, bathed in dusk, heartbeats intertwining. Your shadow amalgamated hers, looming before you and phasing through the dark. A few breaths passed. “Text me daily.” “Okay.”

“Tell me you’ll miss me.”

“I will.”

“You’re mine.”

“O-of course, my lord.”

You rested your cheek over the crown of her head. Out of uniform, her hair was put down, leaving your position undisturbed. Her hair smelled like lavender. ‘..How sweet..’ Fluttering your wings, you moved her hair aside, baring her neck. Her lily white nightgown was shoulder-less, held together by laced straps. Corin shivered as you ran your fingers along her trapezius.

Moving down, you ghosted your lips along her neck. “Is this okay?” You murmured against her skin. “It might scar.” Your other hand ran over the scars on her shoulder. It was as if the girl had been reattached limb by limb. The cherry on top was the jagged line that ran straight across her neck, usually hidden by her collared dress.

Corin nodded against your chest, her hands reaching up from behind your back to grasp your shoulders. 

Your lips parted, and your fangs sank in, piercing through delicate flesh. Your canines tingled as the blood sent signals through your nerve ends. Her blood flowed thickly and left a bitter aftertaste. The taste of rotten blood. The stimulating shock of drawing blood never got tiring to you. The grip on your shoulders grew stronger as your shirt creased between her fingers. “I-It hurts..” She sobbed, but you only dug in further, prodding at her muscle. Moments passed before you retracted. “Good. Remember that feeling.” Blood sludged out of her wound, black and foul. It was as if her body had been turned inside out, left to clot and dry out, leaving her cells bare of oxygen.

“That’s what it feels like if you betray me.” Your sleeve went to wipe at the coagulating wound. 

Corin sniffed, but stayed silent in fear. Her fingers relaxed when you stilled, realizing that you would no longer make a move. “Your shirt..” She started, realizing that she had left your clothing in disarray. The girl paused, and retracted from your arms, a hand placed over her neck where you had marked.

She ran out the door, her feet in a light pitter patter.

You fell back onto the bed, resting an arm over your eyes. The black blood from your sleeves crusted over and flaked off onto your skin. ‘Hah, what did I expect…?’ Licking your teeth, you shuddered in disgust. Corin tasted like a corpse. But she was yours. “M-my lord, your uniform came in..!” Raising your head in surprise, you blinked as Corin returned with a bundle of clothing in tow. Flecks of gold plates clinked together on leather as she stumbled to your side.

“I just remembered..! It would’ve been so embarrassing if I let you go out like this…” You sat up as she placed them beside you, reaching out to unbutton your collar. You smiled. “For me or you?” As a maid did, Corrin helped you get dressed, allowing you to familiarize yourself with the complicated loops and straps that held the fabric together. Your wings unfolded freely, unbounded by cloth as the uniform was accommodating to your figure. She guided you towards the mirror.

Adjusting your cuff and popping the collar which embellished your shoulders, a rush of adrenaline flooded through you as you realized that your uniform had been customized to appear more regal than the attendants of the Victoria Housekeeping usually allowed. The vest acted as a corset to straighten your posture, lengthening behind you into pointed coattails that mimicked a bat’s uropatagium, or tail. It was cut off from your shoulders, though made up by the cropped button down shirt. The combined effort of this design allowed for your back to be bare in order to optimize your flight.

“Mr. Lycaon had that specially made for you. He did that for Ellen too.” Ah, right, her skirt had been divided in order to allow for her tail to slip through. Tucking your phone within your pocket, Corin came closer to chain a pocket watch through the loop of your vest. The accessory was engraved with the branding of the agency, unlike the one Mr. Lycaon held.

“I guess I’m official now.” You put your hands on your waist, standing before Corin proudly. Your wings flared behind you.

“Yeah, officially late.” Ellen appeared leaning at your door frame, left wide open when Corin had rushed in. “C’mon, edge lord. It’s time to leave.”

[Wait, backtrack!] [Onwards!]

[delusionalbitchinthehouse]

please tell me everything you want about ifrit and alpha i love your thoughts!!

ok here we goooo ! This is sooo long lmao

So obviously Alpha was Ifrit’s mentor, and despite both of them being fire ghouls, they’re quite opposite.

i already wrote some angsty Alpha & Ifrit thoughts, so I might be repeating myself a bit here but yeah, Alpha is the raging fire fueled by acidic resentment and bitterness, while Ifrit is the comforting, crackling bonefire, full of energy and optimism. (That’s not to say that’s ALL there is to them obviously, Alpha is fiercely loyal and cares much more deeply than he let on, Ifrit has deep self-worth issues, but that’s not the first impression that you get of them)

While Alpha was Ifrit’s mentor, he started off reluctant, unsure if he was the best suited for this task ; him, the impatient, hot-headed, stubborn ghoul, to teach a bright-eyed, clueless thing, one that despite all his efforts, Alpha can’t help but see as his replacement - because he is, and it sort of hurts ?

Turns out, though, Ifrit is not that clueless. He’s bright, a tad mischievous, easygoing and overall good company. Alpha discovers an enthusiastic, hard working student, fast learner and a bit perfectionist. Too funny, too charming, too endearing for Alpha to keep his distance, keep pretending he’s only doing this because he has to.

They do butt heads from time to time, but Ifrit backs down pretty fast with a shrug, even when he knows he’s right - no need to rile Alpha up more than reasonable.

But more than the lessons and easy banter, more than the flirty comments - the first time it happened, it left Alpha quite stunned, the audacity he had never expected in Ifrit. He liked it, though. Very much so - more than that, it’s Ifrit readiness and enthusiasm at the idea of sparring with Alpha that really brought them together.

Nothing better, to get close to somebody, than rolling around on the mats, all sweaty and disheveled, right ?

Hours spent throwing themselves at each other really sealed the deal, then.

Alpha feels protective of Ifrit, obviously. He’s his mentee, his responsibility…and maybe a painful reflection of what Alpha once was, or what he could’ve grown to be -more carefree, less burdened. There’s a part of himself, that he hates, that’s still a bit bitter, though, about being replaced. Alpha burries it deep, deep, and pretends it doesn’t exist.

Ifrit, of course, looks up to Alpha, but he also desperately wants to help him, tend to those bleeding, festering wounds that Alpha is riddled with, pretends he can live very well with. (He cannot. He’s barely coping, and Ifrit sees it).

Later, tho, when they are no longer mentor/mentee, when they are both retired, their relationship shifts a bit. Ifrit gets bolder in his teasing, more purposefully trying to get on Alpha’s nerves ; Alpha let himself be rougher around him, no longer trying to smother his sharp edges as not to frighten the new fire ghoul - who is now not so new anymore. Oh, he still calls him « kit », ruffles his hair and that sort of things, but he’ll also snap and growl, not afraid anymore of driving him away.

Ifrit also stands his ground more, not letting Alpha have the last words if he’s wrong. And if Alpha thought Ifrit’s flirting was bold before, oh boy is he worse now.

They know - truly know - each other better now. The darker parts too. It’s still hard for Alpha to confide in Ifrit - he still feels like he has to spare the younger fire ghoul, but he gets there, as much as Alpha is able to - confessions are difficult for him.

But now Ifrit knows Alpha sometimes is jealous of him - possessive over things Ifrit wouldn’t dream of taking from him (coughPebblecough) - (and Ifrit sometimes likes to use this knowledge for evil, in a harmless way that he knows isn’t crossing a line between fun and hurtful) and Alpha knows that Ifrit struggles with feeling no longer needed, never enough for people around him - in his gruff, awkward way, Alpha is always there to remind Ifrit that he is more than enough.

There’s days where it’s hard for them to be together, though. Fire on fire, two ex-lead guitarists, still subconsciously fighting for the spotlight, even as they don’t have a stage anymore.

Other days, they’re joined at the hip, the loss of that stage and spotlight drawing them to each other, and you’ll see Alpha keeping a thin, see-through facade of annoyance, even as he runs his hand through the hair of a chatty Ifrit, knocking their shoulders together and edging him on with « come on, old man, surely you can spar a little longer », « show me what’s left of the mighty fire ghoul » and others « what ? Scared of getting your ass handed to you ? »

And Alpha will answer with scoffs and « don’t overestimate yourself, kit, i taught you everything », « settle down before I make you eat your words » and such. His smile, though, is never well hidden.

They balance each other, in a way, two jagged puzzle pieces not supposed to go together and yet fitting together so easily.

[system-toky0]

# .//Connection

I sit in my workshop, surrounded by shelves of spare parts, tools, screws of all sizes, magnets, everything i could need to fix, install or upgrade someone or something.

I slump against the wall, sliding down until i feel the cold stone. I look out to the street before telling the System that assists in the House to shut the garage door.

I’m tired, i’m bored, i’m tired of being tired.

I look around the shop, seeing parts that i’ve replaced in its chassis, i’m reminded of the intimate moments, the gentle and care i tried to put into each motion, never wanting to rip or yank a cable, never wanted to destroy a sensor, scratch a connection…

I tried to be careful, soft, affectionate.

I pick up the replaced part, an original part of it. Nowadays this part can’t be used anymore, it’s not gonna have a new use, it’s not gonna find a new owner, no new chassis, it will never feel the energy coursing through it again. It would probably be the best to throw it out, but hell, even I have some sentimental values i guess.

The more my eyes focus on this worthless piece now, the more I am reminded of it, but with it the sour taste of feeling replaced, or abandoned, something along those lines.

I wanted to work in this kind of field to not deal with the unreasonable and unpredictable bullshit that are emotions, yet i sit here, almost crying staring at a faulty part of a machine.

It didn’t even abandon me, and as far as i’m concerned hasn’t replaced me either, yet i no longer dare to call myself its mechanic, let alone its handler.

Wish that wouldn’t mean as much as it does to me, and fuck- it’s all my own fault too, i can’t even fucking blame it.

If a mechanic neglected check ups, or kept pushing them back as much as I have, i would’ve searched for a better one too.

I feel the urge to throw the faulty part against the wall, in the trash, anywhere where i can’t see it anymore… Yet i gently set it to the ground.

I’ve made promises i’ve never kept, hoping the times where I did take care of it were good enough… Never offering any big upgrades anymore, only routine maintenance, how boring and short sighted it seems now.

Was I scared of changing it?

Was I too terrified of making it think it had to change for me?

Did I really read too much into its requests?

Was I really such a moron?

I’m an idiot for not keeping it up-to-date, a machine needs upgrades, and i’ve been denying it that.

I lean my head back against the hard brick wall behind me, staring at the ceiling. Spiderwebs in the corners, the rails of the garage door quite rusted, the workshop all but a mess at this point.

I sit quietly for a while, even the Home AI is probably wondering what i’m doing.

I sigh, million things running through my mind, i reach out to pick up a tennis ball to bounce it off the wall. Again and again and again. As long as it might take to quiet my mind.

The rhythmic thonk against the opposite wall of me.

Lost in thought and muscle memory taking over, i barely notice my companion standing in the doorway, her eyes watching the ball, then gaze at me and she tilts her head, before focusing on the ball again.

Thonk. Thonk. Thonk.

I look over to the faulty part once more, i sigh.

Leaving the ball to roll where it might, my robo-dog will play with it anyway.

I pick up the part and decide it probably deserves a better place than in the workshop, with the things it reminds me of, with the lessons i’ve hoped to learn, or still have to learn.

I flick off the light switch and leave the workshop for the night, hoping it will see more action soon again.

[jihyocentric]

I got a request! In the same universe as the ot9 fucking jihy, but don’t worry it’s not a poly request! can we get some nahyo and how she takes care of jihyo after they’re all done with her? And maybe even takes a little jihyo more for herself hehe

continuation of this

as soon as they get to the hotel, nayeon leaves sana in her room before going to her shared one with jihyo.

as much as sana tried to help her, after hours spending her energy on stage and then backstage with their leader, it was time to recharge.

nayeon wouldn’t wake her up when she could take care of jihyo herself, too used to that, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t love being the one in charge to deal with the aftermath of their playtime.

she finds strength to give jihyo a piggyback ride, the younger letting herself be moved around easily, pliant and vulnerable, dozing off the moment nayeon picks her up.

when jihyo wakes up, nayeon had placed her on the bed safely, working to take her clothes off. some pieces stick to jihyo’s skin, her body still carrying their essence in certain places, her shirt glued to her tummy, where momo managed to unload twice before leaving.

jihyo whines, knowing nayeon would make her take a shower, but the bed was comfortable and she couldn’t move, unable to even help nayeon take the rest of her clothes off.

“don’t sleep, baby,” nayeon says softly, aware that jihyo had woken up, discarding the last piece of clothing to the ground. “hyo…” nayeon calls, caressing jihyo’s face, exhaustion written all over it. “come on, can’t let you go to sleep like this.”

“so tired,” jihyo whispers, eyes still closed, barely able to voice her words.

“i know.” nayeon sighs, with no other option than to carry her to the bathroom, passing an arm under jihyo’s knees, the other under her back. “we’ll make it quick, hm?”

jihyo sighs, curling herself on nayeon’s lap as she is dragged to the bathroom. there was no way out, really. jihyo might be close to sleeping again, but nayeon was kind enough to fill up the bathtub so she wouldn’t have to stand up.

the way nayeon treated her has always felt special — how nayeon is always worried about her safety, not allowing anyone to touch her if she knew jihyo was too tired, always taking care of her without jihyo ever asking for it.

nayeon would do it all by herself, and if anybody else wanted to be in charge, she’d be reluctant to let jihyo be taken care of by someone who wasn’t her, always incredibly possessive.

they might not have a name for their relationship, but jihyo was hers, just as much as nayeon was jihyo’s. nayeon was just kind enough to share her with the others, sporadically.

“does it hurt?” nayeon all but whispers, afraid that if she said it any louder, jihyo would fully wake up. she’d removed her hair extensions slowly, knowing that if jihyo slept with them she’d wake up with a headache.

“feels nice,” jihyo mumbles, sitting between nayeon’s bare legs, letting nayeon rub her scalp with shampoo.

gentle fingers caress her head slowly, nayeon taking her time to clean jihyo up, wiping away every remnants that the others might have left.

a few whines come out when nayeon touches certain parts of her body, especially the ones that the others grabbed, they were always too rough on her — except for the younger ones.

if they were ever rough, it wasn’t really on purpose. they just got too excited sometimes, and jihyo couldn't stop them.

“done,” nayeon says, pressing a tender kiss on jihyo’s shoulder, the younger fully washed, the sticky feeling on her skin no longer there. “i’ll just get myself clean then i take you to bed...”

“let me help,” jihyo turns around, still weak and definitely sore. nayeon holds her waist and brings her to her lap, letting jihyo sit there and face her, flushing deep red when jihyo leans in and kisses her cheek.

it’s something she’d always do at those moments, her special way to thank nayeon for looking out for her, knowing nayeon liked those kisses more than the words.

jihyo returns nayeon’s care, brushing her shoulders and back tenderly with soap, visibly sleepy but still wanting to do that for her. she doesn’t take long, pressing kisses on nayeon’s face while she washes her, both of them giggling and smiling.

“uh, unnie…” jihyo looks down, nayeon’s shaft hardening at the wrong time. “think i can take care of it.”

nayeon shakes her head, not wanting to overwhelm jihyo, but she can’t help but moan once jihyo grips her hardened cock, greedy for more attention.

“no! no, hyo, you-” she protests.

“shh,” jihyo shushes her with her lips against nayeon’s, the tip already against her entrance. all she had to do was sit back down slowly, whimpering at the feeling, clearly spent but still wanting to please nayeon. “’s okay. can take it,” jihyo says, kissing nayeon’s neck softly.

“y-you shouldn’t…” nayeon holds her waist tight, jihyo’s walls tight and warm around her, clenching needily as if she wasn’t sated yet, always with a greed that ignored her own limits. “baby!”

“wanna take care of you too,” jihyo says, hips moving back and forth with nayeon’s help.

nayeon’s hands felt big around her waist, effectively guiding her all throughout the ride, unable to pull jihyo away despite knowing she should be resting.

“so stubborn,” nayeon huffs out, annoyed, bucking her hips up fast and steady when she feels a familiar sensation prodding at her stomach.

jihyo presses herself against her tightly, eyes closing at the intense feeling, chest against nayeon’s, arms wrapped around her neck as she feels every sharp plunge, the feeling making her eyes teary.

perhaps it was too much and she shouldn’t help nayeon like that, but she has done that more times than she could count, never able to pass up on the opportunity to have nayeon lodged up inside her.

nayeon doesn’t take long and jihyo can finally breathe once she feels the hotness filling her up. nayeon slows down, legs trembling. she holds jihyo down in place, as if she wanted to trap jihyo there, afraid she'd escape before she managed to dump all of her load inside.

she doesn’t even try to touch jihyo and make her come, knowing jihyo wouldn’t allow her, too sensitive for that.

“ruined all of my work getting you clean,” nayeon mutters grumpily, lips brushing against jihyo’s shoulder.

jihyo smiles against her neck, telling nayeon something that would definitely make her hard again. “don’t need to clean up when it’s yours.”

“stop,” nayeon whines, twitching inside jihyo. “let’s get out of here before i lose my mind.”

[password-door-lock]

Mystictober Day 22-- Doctor

The headache just won’t go away. It's been bothering Saeran for hours, and no matter what he does, it simply won't let up— he's barely gotten any work done, and he hasn't even had the energy to make his way down the hall to the toy room to let off steam on you. It goes without saying that he is beyond annoyed when he hears a knock at the door— can’t the believers just leave him alone? “What?” he demands, voice rough.

“Guess who?” The sing-song voice from the other side of the door is enough to get him scrambling across the room, ignoring the pain in his head.

“Who the hell let you out of that room?” Saeran demands. Apparently, the believers that he charged with watching your door failed to comprehend and follow the very simple instructions they were given. 

“Nobody,” you assure him. You must have sneaked out, then, if you’re telling the truth— Saeran will have to increase the security by your room to make sure this doesn’t happen again. He doesn’t want to deal with you right now. “You said you weren't feeling well?” You approach him with caution, finally showing him the fear that he's been trying to elicit since the first time he went to your room. Good. You should be afraid of him. 

“That's none of your business, toy,”  Saeran spits.

“Can I take your temperature?” You brandish a flimsy plastic thermometer. 

“Where did you even get something like this?” Saeran rips the thermometer out of your hand and tosses it across the room. Do you honestly think he's going to let you check his body temperature? Why would you even need that information, anyway? You must still be confused about your situation at Magenta, if you think he’s going to let you get away with something like that. 

“I found it in the bathroom,” you explain. “Ray left all kinds of first aid stuff in there for me, but it seems like you need it more than I do right now. Cough drop?”

Saeran examines the tray in your hands, and finds, to his dismay, that you have brought the entire first aid kit, along with some food from the Mint Eye cafeteria and several bottles of water. If you got as far as the cafeteria, you probably could have escaped, so why the hell did you come back to him? Don't you have any idea what's good for you? “Who told you to go to the cafeteria?” It’s the best thing he can think of to say while he contends with the utter shock of your presence. Why the hell are you still here when you could have run away with ease?

“You never told me not to,” you point out, “Anyway, are you feeling a little bit better?”

“Who the hell are you to ask me something like that?” Saeran demands. He’s annoyed that none of his questions thus far have been answered to his satisfaction, and even more annoyed that someone like you is worried about someone like him. He can take care of himself, after all, unlike you. He doesn’t need your help. Saeran tries to knock the tray out of your hands, but you sidestep him, entering the intelligence room and setting the tray firmly on the desk.

“You kept telling me to make myself useful,” you remind him, “So that's what I'm doing. You might feel better after you drink some water.” You’re still wearing that infuriating expression of concern, with your eyebrows knit together and your lips pursed. You look ridiculous, worrying over somebody who could crush you like a bug. 

“Oh, wow, what a kind prince(ss) you are,” Saeran sneers at you, flopping down into his desk chair. Mocking you makes him feel more like he’s in control, but it’s annoying that you keep making the same face. Can’t you do something more interesting? “Coming here to take care of me. Aren’t you just a saint?” He can't help but laugh at the idea of you looking after him— what could you possibly do for him that the Savior couldn't? You don’t even have the common sense to leave when you’re in danger. 

Without warning, you press the back of your hand to his forehead. It feels nice and cool; for a moment, Saeran relaxes into the touch. He comes to his senses quickly, though, and before you can get too comfortable, he is grabbing you by the wrist and wrenching your hand away. You should have waited until he ordered you to do that— then, he could have let you keep your hand there. It really did feel nice. You study him with concern. “You're burning up.” You bite your lip in some combination of concentration and concern. 

Saeran has heard those words before, though he can't remember where. Someone who cared said exactly that to him when he was young, after placing one small hand in the exact same spot on his forehead that you just touched. But that's impossible, Saeran reminds himself— nobody cared for him when he was young. That was why the Savior rescued him in the first place. “What are you doing to me?” He demands. Why would you make him remember something that didn't even happen?

“I'm trying to help,” you inform him, “At least try to drink some water. Your body needs fluids right now— and food, too. You might feel better if you eat, once you’re feeling up to it.” 

“What are you, some kind of doctor?” Saeran has been asking questions since you got here, and the lack of answers is putting him on edge.

You just shrug, offering him a water bottle. “It can't hurt you, can it? And it might make the headache go away.” He should never have told you that his head was hurting, and he wouldn’t have, if he had known that this was how you would react. 

“What do you know?” Saeran mumbles, asking yet another question. But some animal instinct deep within him seems to have other ideas, because he finds himself unscrewing the cap and indulging in a prolonged drink. It feels almost as good as your hand did on his forehead, just as cool against his chapped lips.

“Thank you,” you breathe, like he did anything for you by drinking water. How stupid can you get?

“Get out of my sight,” Saeran growls. He’s not going to let you stand around watching him with that annoying look on your face. If you want to make yourself useful, that’s fine, but even you can’t pretend there’s any use in what you’re doing now. 

At least you have the sense to obey that command. “Okay,” you offer him a slight smile, eyes watery. He’s been trying to make you cry for days to no avail, but drinking water is what does it? Saeran is seriously beginning to wonder if there’s something wrong with you. Why didn’t you escape when you had the chance? Why would you take such a monumental risk to bring him things that he could have gotten for himself? “Please let me know if you need anything else. I'll sneak out again— I mean it.” You begin to collect the tray, but Saeran holds up his hand to stop you.

Like a puppet on a string, you stand still, waiting for his next command. Yes, this is how you should behave— maybe drinking water isn't so bad, if it gets you to act like this. “Leave it,” Saeran orders.

“Okay.” You sound relieved, and your smile widens, though you have no real reason to be pleased.

“Go back to your room and wait for me there,” Saeran barks. When you fail to start moving again, he raises his voice. “I said get out of my sight! Do you want to find out what happens when you don’t listen to me, prince(ss)?” 

You don't even flinch. “I hope you feel better soon, Saeran.”

[saudivadaily]

Let Them Squirm!

From The Series: The Quest For True Happiness & Love (Blog 17)

By Saudia

I struggled most thinking about what others had to say about me: how they watched me not become my highest potential, not become my bestest self, not become the person I had projected to be, and who I thought myself to be and still do. I struggled thinking about people having to see me fail. From weight gain, relationship failures and major life and security struggles I faced years ago to just my current post in life.

I use to care so much about what they thought about me, my ongoing progression towards loss of life and vitality for life.

What I realized is that most of the people that I cared so much about how they feel were not strangers, they were people I know, from college alumni, to high school friends to people I grew up with and from my neighborhood.

Having to deal with the disappointment of your own family is hard enough than to be worrying about, at this point, strangers. Strangers that have invested nothing meaningful to you rather that watchful eye, peering into the inners of your life sending negative and ‘sabotagey’ energy towards you. It’s a heavy burden to bare and to care about. It is like bring a muddy trunk filled with wet heavy ‘redy’ brown mud dripping all over you as you bare the weight of carrying it.

Let me tell you this! Drop it!! Jump in the river and wash yourself off! You deserve better! You were great, are great and is great and will be greater in the future!

Let them squirm! Let them squirm by taking control of your life! Release anyone who make you feel watched with unloving or unsupportive eyes. Let them squirm by rebuilding your life! Starting small and building yourself up doing the things you’ve always wanted to do and living the life of your dreams!

Let them squirm by not worry about them as you are what the attraction is, that is why they are watching. So let the show be good and satiate them with your successes.

Let them squirm as you pull yourself together, ease into your power and let the Creator and his components (the universe) work in your favor, guide and protect you as you allow the abundance that exist to permeate your life.

Let them squirm as you break generational curses, heal yourself and lift up those around. Let them squirm by finding true joy and happiness and well-being as you lift yourself and others.

Let them squirm because they thought you were done “but yuh nuh done yet”. Let them squirm as you progress in your success and your dreams manifest in their fullness thereof. Let them squirm!

Let them squirm as you went through hell and back, fighting your battle by yourself. Awakening and Sleeping and awakening again, fighting and crawling, laughing and crying. You did that! So let them squirm!

Let them squirm! No one knows your pain, noone sees your scars, no one knows the psychological warfares you’ve had to fight and continue to fight victoriously.

Let them squirm! They don’t pay your bills! They will never give you a dime, neither will you ask them, so let them squirm when they see you, crisp, glowing eyes and bushy tailed, walking with your chest high because you exceeded all expectations and continue to do so. Let them squirm! Yuh nuh done yet!

So let them continue to squirm as they watch peering in and silently admire resentfully. Let them squirm!

You be you and never un-be you, because they can’t be you and they’ll never be you like you. So let them squirm!

Stop caring about what people that don’t pay your bills think of you. They don’t know what’s going on on the other side. Block them!

Align, refocus steadfastly to the life you want to create and let watchful eyes do as they may, just continue to watch and become more of you!

Saudia.

[ruthie0221]

My depression was a soul sucking virus

I was tired constantly

With a mood that couldn’t be taken care of

Only made room for

I always knew I was gonna die

I wasn’t gonna make it to

30

40

There was gonna be a moment

Where I

broke.

Like I’ve said before,

The pieces that would break

Would shatter

Those pieces would shatter

And I’d be left with nothing

I think about not making it to

20

Is that bad?

Am I a bad person for struggling?

Am I selfish?

I don’t even know what I am anymore

Barely alive is something I know

Not that I know

No

Far more familiar actually

I feel like Clark taking advantage of me

Really drove everything down

And I couldn’t do it anymore

We went out of town

Pregnancy scare

I was constantly throwing myself into

A state of fear

I don’t know why

Maybe it’s just stuff I do without a thought

Scaring myself

For absolutely no reason

This poem isn’t about suicide…

Or is it?

No

I wanted to focus it around my rape

And work through it

How I wanted to bitch slap him.

We talked one of the nights after he

hurt me

After work

Just sat by our cars and talked

I needed to talk that day

It was longer than most

I was still working with him

And we just talked

I’m trying to remember if we had those conversations

Before

Or

AFTER

He apologized

And then belittled me for speaking to him in a tone

AND THEN

Sent me a picture of him at the gym

And asked me if I was done talking to him

Cause of his body

“Yes, Clark! THATS EXACTLY IT!!

I HATE YOU CAUSE OF YOUR BODY

TYPE

JESUS CHRIST HOW DID YOU KNOW”

He asked me if I just didn’t like him anymore

Almost like he couldn’t get the fucking hint

“I stopped liking you after you raped me”

God I hate this part

Nico told me I wasn’t pregnant

I was so scared of what had happened

Of what I let a v-card become

An accident

A mistake

A slap

A fear

Monte would be my first

Not under the influence

I found comfort in that

Found comfort in knowing that he wouldn’t

Do what Clark did

Hurt me

Make me rip my skin off

Somebody would be coming into town

To see me

To see my body

See all the parts I’ve never showed anything

Except the razor in the shower

He’d see me for what I can’t stand to see

In myself

I could think he was gonna hurt me

All I wanted to

But a toxic part of me would let him drag me to hell

If it meant he was the one

dragging me

So many parts I was scared to show

With fear that I’d scare him away

He hasn’t left yet

Even after dealing with all my rants

He

Hasn’t

Left

Why not?

I thought everybody left

But he hasn’t

Why is that?

I didn’t want him to go

But maybe if he left

It’d be easier to let go of everything

But he hasn’t left

I’m tired

So we could fight as many times as possible

But he’ll be my person

Cause I’ve never felt so loved

So appreciated

By somebody

I look at his pictures

(which is quite often

Cause he’s beautiful)

I hear his voice

And I feel like my world stops spinning

I’m usually a strong person

But you know what hurts?

That even after I give him my all

Energy I’m trying to find the energy to give

I will never feel like it’s enough

And I’m convinced that’s because

Of the people that never made me feel like

What I gave them was good

When I gave them so much

So Monte,

I’m sorry you’ve got to deal with this damaged part of me

Perhaps if you met me earlier

You wouldn’t have seen such a wreck

I’m at the point where

I don’t care how many times you break me

I just don’t have the energy

Not like I used to

The feel of rock bottom

Has never felt so permanent

[bumblebeerror]

Thinking about other disabled/chronically ill people who like me choose pfps and their style/vibe around dead things and undead things.

[timotheechlamett]

roommate tim?

AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES

cover by @softhecreator 💗

WARNINGS: platonic relationship, fluff, pining?, roommate!timothee, fem!reader, use of alcohol, not proof read /:

——————————————

Moving to New York was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It wasn’t the fast pace of city life or the fact that everything was brand new that had me worried, it was the cost to live there. I could deal with the other things.

Even with the money I’d set aside from every paycheck, freshman year to now, wasn’t enough to last me more than two months. I had looked at many, many, many, apartments before deciding to look for a roommate. It was a last resort.

I took a trip up East from my Midwest home and met a plethora of future roommates, but only one in particular sat right with me.

Timothée Chalamet.

The way his name rollled off my tongue was nearly enough to send me back home packing, I just had a feeling, you know?

None the less I had to be smarter than that, yet as he sat across from me in the coffee shop, I found myself entranced by the life story he couldn’t help but spew my way. It was like he had word vomit, I’d barely gotten a word in myself and it was a wonder he didn’t question me.

He was the most sweet and nervous of the bunch of candidates. Normally those things would be a red flag where I’m from, but the way he made me laugh, along with how he carried himself, and the genuine care how I found my way around here, let me know I’d met my match.

So I waited until he had talked himself hoarse and returned the favor. I told him I was fulfilling a dream of my younger self, my family and I were from a small town, how I had never been in a city this big, but I could feel the creative energy run through me when I took in the scenery, or walked down the sidewalk, I told him how I felt I finally belonged.

Him being a native, accepted that statement rather quickly and supported it. He sat back in his chair with a smirk.

“I’ve been looking for a roommate for months and, it may sound strange, but you’re the only person I can see myself co-existing with.” He said with a true smile on his face.

I let myself smile before answering, “I’ve met with a few people today and you know what? I think you might have read my mind.”

And that was endgame. A week and a half later we were moved into our place.

There was string of time, months, where we spent every second together. Going furniture shopping, finding our favorite breakfast, lunch, and dinner spots, we went grocery shopping together, he even went as far as walking me up and down the streets near and far just so I’d be familiar with the area.

But just as fast came a time where he wasn’t home much at all and our schedules became complete opposites.

He had dropped out of NYU when he finally got his big break and the night he got the e-mail we celebrated with shitty champagne and take out. As for me, I had landed an internship on top of small indie roles that paid the bills.

“When are you leaving?” I place more noodles on my plate.

“What’s today?” He asks, mouth half full.

“Wednesday.”

“Thursday, Friday, Saturday..” He lifts a finger for each day.

“You can’t be serious right now-“

“Next Friday.” He holds nine fingers up toward me.

“You leave next week and had to count the days on your hands..out loud?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Look I have a lot going on up here,” He taps his temple with his finger, “Don’t judge.” And sends a smirk my way.

“I’m not judging! It’s kind of refreshing that you didn’t pull out your planner.” My smirk turns to a smile, “You nearly have your whole life written in there, down to each hour.”

“How do you know it’s down to the hour? Have you been reading it?” He asks quizzically, his face deathly serious.

I pause from taking a bite and stare at him with a confused face, “Please tell me you’re joking.”

After a moments pause he bursts out laughing, “No shit I’m joking, I’m not that fucking weird,” He takes a bite of a dumpling, “It’s planned by the week, day, and THEN the hour.” He grins.

Now it was my turn to laugh, “Have you ever considered therapy?”

After loading our dishes, and the dishwasher flooding with bubbles (due to the fact he put Dawn where the Cascade was supposed to go), and both of us throwing said bubbles at one another, we cleaned up and sat down on the couch to watch our show.

I laid down and was nearly asleep, feeling the after effects of our champagne, on my end of the couch. I watched him take another swig from the bottle before closing my eyes.

I could feel his face hovering over mine, “Y/N?” He tried to whisper.

“Yes Timothée.” I keep my eyes closed.

“I’m gonna miss you when I leave,” I feel the couch dip behind me, his head stuffed in the back of my neck, “I miss you already.” His voice is sleepy and rough.

I feel my cheeks heat at his words, such innocent words but in this moment they felt different. Maybe I’m drunk.

“I’m gonna miss you too Tim.” I glance back to find him softly snoring softly behind me, peacefully burrowed uncomfortably beside me.

I really look at him for the first time. Of course he’s been beautiful, but right now he looks angelic, so serene as he sleeps. I face forward again and let the heaviness of sleep take over me.

That night I dreamt of myself in his arms for the first time.

[bratz-kitten]

blockages that the placements need to work through 

here are some things i’ve been working on ft. the astrological placements that i believe they’re revelant to, in case anyone else needs this 

sun aspecting venus, harsh aspects to the ascendant - saying no. it’s not so much like... a need to say yes to please other people, but a fear of saying no and facing the repercussions of it. lately i’ve been trying to simply say no to things that make me uncomfortable because turns out i do have a great difficulty setting boundaries lmfao. when my male friends make a sexual comment about me, i just say “stop, don’t talk about me like that” and when people invite me to hangouts that i don’t have the energy to go to i simply say “i won’t go, but thank you for inviting me”. the most difficult part is dealing with the guilt that comes with refusing others, and i’m telling myself that it’s okay to piss people off if it’s to maintain my feeling of safety 

moon in capricorn, moon harshly aspecting saturn - letting myself depend on others. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m not as big of a lone wolf as i believe myself to be lmfao. like, it’s okay that i depend on my emotional bonds sometimes! it’s okay to allow myself to love with no restrictions, with no “but i can’t let them see me vulnerable”, with no “what do i get out of this connection?”, no “oh i have to be nonchalant about how much i care for them or else they’re gonna know they have power over me and abandon me” no. i’m letting myself write the dumb sappy texts, to make the effort, to show how much i care, to open up to others. i’m easing with my calculating instincts. i don’t have to drown in my loneliness and i refuse to spend a lifetime avoiding getting close to others in fear of them hurting me. i’m working on seeing my strength, like... it’s ok if they hurt me because i will survive 

saturn in gemini, mars in the 12th house, mars harshly aspecting neptune - taking action when i need to. especially in real life, i have a lot of difficulty with taking action. like, if i’m in an argument with someone, or if someone is actively pissing me off, my first instinct is to end the conversation and escape so that it won’t escalate. theoretically, that’s smart... in practice, it makes me gulp down a lot of situations in favor of keeping the peace, and it makes me live an entirely different life in my mind vs. in reality. like, in my mind, when something happens i’ll fantasize about being assertive and talking back to the person, about standing my ground. but in real life i just... quietly move to a different room. plus it’s difficult for me to feel things in the moment, like something will happen and i won’t register it but days later i will think back on it and be practically fuming in anger. these past few weeks i’ve been working on just, saying what i want to say. even if i’m aware the situation can escalate, at least i won’t have any regrets, and it’s made me realize that people aren’t as easy to anger as i thought them to be, and that i’m stronger than i believed myself to be 

moon harshly aspecting jupiter - allowing myself to break down. my moon opposite jupiter is at a 0º orb, and when i tell you i feel every ounce of it, i really do. like, my emotions are extremely disregulated. on one hour i will be at the highest of the highs, and then the next hour i’ll be crying on the floor telling myself i’m the worst person alive. which just... causes me to feel even more guilty about how i speak to myself, and about how volatile my emotions are, and then i’m just a mess of guilt and self-criticism and “stop acting like a baby”; i feel easily overwhelmed and like i’m doing way too much, overreacting to every possible situation. and then, an hour later, im just like.... emotionally numb. anyways, instead of making it worse by blaming myself for my emotions, i’ve been just. allowing myself to feel. no guilt, no shame, just allowing myself to feel bad because of the innate belief that i’ll get over this, i’ll move forward, it’ll get better 

venus harshly aspecting the ascendant - dealing with a poor self-image. i have a lot of issues with my body image. so, instead of analyzing my body from every single angle and blaming myself for it, i’ll just. not look in the mirror. like, you know when you’re a kid, you’re barely aware that you have a body - it’s there, it functions, it helps you play and eat and grab things, but you don’t really spend time thinking about it’s shape and appearance because it doesn’t matter. that’s the mentality i’m trying to work with right now, that my body is there: it deserves food, exercise, to be washed and dressed in comfortable clothing, and that’s that. i’m releasing myself of the judgment that comes with my poor self-image 

natal saturn retrogade - stop buying things just to watch them sit there. like, i buy things that i don’t even use. or i buy things that i plan to use, but then i end up not using them out of guilt of having bought them, or lack of energy to use them, or fear of using them and messing up. so, what i’m doing is grabbing all the things i don’t use, and if i truly don’t want to use them, i’ll simply discard of them, and if i do want to use them, then i’m making plans to do so. no letting them sit in my room and feeling guilty every time i look at them 

mars dominance, mars aspecting personal planets, mercury aspecting pluto, debilitated moon (in capricorn or scorpio) - stop verbally insulting others in discussions. the point of having a discussion is to explain both perspectives and come to an agreement/compromise, not to try to win. unfortunately, this is something i’ve always had great difficulty understanding lmfao. as soon as i’m in a discussion the point stops being to shed light on the situation but to use the words i know will hurt the person the most so that they’ll feel the pain that i feel. when someone is not understanding me, part of me just wants to make them go through what i went through so that they’ll get it - especially if i have an emotional attachment to the person (for example, them being my family or romantic interest). this is extremely toxic and it’s giving me when your parents say “when i was younger i had it much more worse than you, and i’m going to somehow make this your problem”. so, i’ve been thinking twice about what i say to people. is what i’m about to say to this person relevant to this discussion, or do i just want my words to sting them so i can watch them crumble? i ask myself this question, and i try to show others the empathy that i want them to show me. 

planets in the 12th house, lilith in the 12th house - developing a better sleep schedule. i don’t remember the last time that i went to sleep before 5am, and this has greatly impacted my mental and physical health in general. like, i’ll go to bed extremely late, and then i wake up late and it takes me hours to find the strength to get out of bed because i just feel so shitty. the reason why i avoid sleeping early is because i struggle a lot with nightmares, because of my own paranoid thoughts and fears, and because it’s my “peaceful” time. like, during the day i have to deal with my parents being awake and... well, just existing in general, and i have to deal with my responsibilities and my family, but at night i get to just exist for myself and do whatever. but also, i struggle a lot with intrusive/paranoid thoughts that keep me from falling asleep. this is due to my anxiety and mental health problems, and to be honest i still don’t really know what to do to deal with this. like... the thing that’s helped me the most so far is to turn off my phone/computer since i get headaches easily, petting my cat until i feel calm enough to at least try to sleep, and to avoid taking naps throughout the day since that’ll just leave me with way too much energy at night 

[the-bau-quinjet]

Seven Drinks

Bucky x f!reader

Summary: There's a reason Y/N has never had more than 3 drinks around the other avengers, and they're about to find out.

Warnings: depression, thoughts of suicide, panic attacks, angst (don't worry there's fluff too)

Word Count: 4322

a/n: This is inspired by that episode of Brooklyn 99 with 6 drink Amy (I adopted that concept!) and also Halsey's album Manic. :) I hope you like it. Anything in bold is a lyric from one of the songs on the album!

Please let me know if I messed up the trigger warning tags! I've never written anything like this before, so I just want to make sure I do it right.

Masterlist

"We're having a party tonight." Tony's announcement was met with the usual groans of annoyance at having to schmooze with the typical socialites that attended Tony's party. "You know, you are so ungrateful sometimes. here I am trying to throw you a party, and you're complaining!"

"Tony, we all appreciate the effort you go to, but- at least speaking for me- I don't like people." Y/N's response was effortless, swiftly calming Tony and explaining the reactions.

"That is why-" Tony stuttered when he actually registered the words you said. "That doesn't sound like you at all. And besides, this is a party for just us. It'll be more like team building, but without any pre-planned activities. No "smarmy, rich people" to deal with." He directed his last sentence at Bucky, Steve, and Sam.

The team actually seemed excited at the prospect, albeit skeptical of Tony's motivations.

Unsurprisingly, Nat worked up the courage to question him on it first, "what's the catch?"

"No catch. Just friends, food, and lots of alcohol." His grin quickly shifted into a smirk as the entire room turned to look at you.

You groaned slightly, not wanting all the attention. "Look, there is a reason I cap myself at 3 drinks." Holding up one finger, you started to explain, "One drink Y/N is barely any different from my sober self."

Wanda quickly cut you off, "not true! You get louder." She smirked, happy to have added that tidbit of information.

"Fine." With a laugh, you admitted she was right. "I might get the tiniest bit louder." You held up a second finger to continue your explanation, but were once again cut off.

"It's not a bad thing. It's just your happy, bubbly, and slightly louder than normal personality shining through!" Nat added, seeing an opportunity to tease you for being so positive all the time.

"Thanks Nat. Anyway," emphasizing the rudeness of being interrupted twice, you continued, "two drink Y/N is more touchy feely than normal. Not in a creepy way though!"

"I love two drink Y/N. She gives the best hugs!" Thor eagerly added to the conversation, glad to have dropped by when he did.

"Thanks Thor." With a small smile in his direction, you held up a third finger. "Three drink Y/N is the perfect amount of just past tipsy to have fun without doing anything extremely embarrassing. It makes the most sense to stop there." You finished her little speech with your typical smile and a resolute nod of your head.

"Seriously, you need to relax. Just let loose this one time!" Sam tried to encourage you. With the eyes of nearly every avenger set on you, your resolve didn't last very long.

"Fine! Maybe I'll have a fourth drink." You were met with cheers as you rose from your spot on the couch, trying to prepare for the night that was to come.

--

As soon as you stepped off the elevator, you had a drink in your hand. Clearly your friends were going to make sure you got a fourth drink. even Steve seemed excited when he saw you, although his golden boy personality didn't disappear completely.

"You sure about this? I don't want you to feel pressured!" Bucky nodded, weirdly enthusiastically, before adding, "Yeah doll, don't drink more than you want to."

"You two are too sweet. Sam's right, but don't tell him I said that." You winked at the two super soldiers, emphasizing the joke. "I should let myself relax sometimes. I'm in a safe place, with friends who won't let anything happen to me. What could a few more drinks really do?" You couldn't help but smile at how true that was. You were surrounded by people who care about you.

"Oh, so now it's a few more drinks? What are we talking here, six drink Y/N? Seven?" Bucky teased.

"You'll have to wait and see, Ducky." You teased right back, knowing how flustered he got at the pet name. Steve laughed at his friend as you walked away, ready for your second drink.

--

Before long, you had your fourth drink in your hand. It was slightly odd how literally everyone was staring at you, but your were three drink Y/N at the time, so you were drunk enough not to care.

You downed the fourth drink, unprepared for the consequences.

"So, Y/N... how do you feel?" Clint braved the waters, everyone eagerly awaiting your reaction.

"That is so nice of you to ask! I feel great! I don't think I've ever been this happy." You jumped up and down, hugging Clint with a huge smile on your face.

"How did you get even happier?" Tony chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

"Do you not like it?" Like a switch had been flipped, you were nearly crying.

"What?! No!" Tony was so taken aback at the tears pooling in your eyes, he froze, unsure how to fix it. He looked around the room for help, but everyone else was just as shocked as him.

"I'll fix it!" You were at the bar, fixing another drink before anyone fully comprehended your mood swing.

You walked back up to the group, sipping from your fifth drink as if nothing happened. "What?" You questioned the odd looks, but before receiving an answer you squealed, again jumping up and down. "Let's dance!" You turned around, ready to move to the more open area before looking back over your shoulder, "Wanda! Nat! Pepper! Come on!"

The women shared a look, ultimately shrugging before joining you on the makeshift dance floor.

-

"Bucky, you've been staring at her for 20 straight minutes. When are you finally gonna talk to her?" Steve couldn't help but pester him about his feelings.

"I can't help it. I've never seen her dance so much. I mean, I know she's always happy, but this is a whole new level." He didn't take his eyes off of you, even when he was responding. "I can't tell her tonight, though. This is the most she's had to drink in years."

He watched as you moved back over to the bar, needing another drink after dancing so much.

"Here we go, six drink Y/N." Bucky gestured to the bar. Steve shook his head, but allowed the change of topic.

-

About five minutes after your sixth drink, you were somehow bounding around with even more energy. You were nearly running around the room, trying to talk to everyone at once.

"Ducky! Have I ever told you I took gymnastics lessons for 7 years when I was younger?" You were bouncing with pent up energy, excited to be sharing more information about yourself.

"No, you've actually never mentioned that." He smiled, enraptured by your childlike enthusiasm, so enraptured that he didn't notice the mischief in your eyes.

"Well, I did! Watch this." You handed a confused Bucky your now empty glass, turning and throwing your arms up. Bucky realized two late what was happening, and with both yours and his glasses in his hands, he couldn't physically stop you.

"Y/N, wait!" His shout had everyone turn and look as you flawlessly executed two cartwheels in a row.

Bucky would swear your smile got even bigger as you turned around to look at him again.

"Normally I can do more, but" you hiccuped, then lowered your voice to a really terrible whisper, "I'm a little drunk." You leaned into him, laughing as if you just told a joke.

Wanda walked up to you with a seventh drink, hoping seven drink Y/N had a little less energy, but happy to see you having so much fun. "Here ya go! One more of your favorites, just like you asked."

"Thank youuuuuu!" You shifted to hug Wanda, leaving Bucky to miss your added warmth.

-

You sipped your seventh drink slower than the rest, quickly running out of energy. Sliding the empty glass across the bar, you slipped out of the party unnoticed, making your way to the kitchen for some pickles- your favorite drunk food.

Your seventh drink hit you just after you opened the pickles. Gone was the happy, bubbly persona you showed the world. The mask slipped away, leaving you alone to contemplate your life choices.

You made your way to to the lounge just outside of the kitchen, choosing to lay on the floor behind the couch and stare out of the large floor to ceiling windows.

-

"Where's Y/N?" Bucky glanced around the room, an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Huh? Oh, she said she wanted a snack." A very drunk Wanda turned to look at where the food was set up, scrunching her face in confusion when she couldn't find you. "Weird. Maybe she went to the bathroom?"

Bucky, having noticed your absence 8 minutes ago, didn't think you left for a bathroom break. "Maybe." Plus, you always took the girls to the bathroom with you. His eyes flitted about the room, taking one more glance before deciding to go look for you.

He decided to head for the kitchen since Wanda said you wanted a snack. He laughed at the open jar of pickles, knowing you at least passed through this room. He put the pickles away before popping his head into the lounge area.

"Y/N?" He called out, figuring this was the most likely location for you to end up.

You hummed in response, not moving from your spot on the floor. Bucky walked further into the room, slightly confused as to why he could hear you but not see you. That is, until he realized you were laying on the floor behind the couch.

"Why are you on the floor?" He smiled when he found you.

"I'm just looking at the sky." Your voice held a melancholy air as it floated through the room. Bucky's smile faltered, not used to hearing you sad. In the three years he's known you, he's only ever seen you sad because of a movie or tv show. Otherwise, you were quite literally always happy.

"Why-" he faltered, unsure how to check on you. "Is everything okay?" he nearly choked the words out, feeling slightly stressed at your sudden gloominess.

"Yeah." You took a deep breath, slowly letting it out in a deep sigh. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... I don't know." You sigh again, still looking at the sky.

Bucky chances another question, wanting to get you talking since you're acting so off. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel... so sorry." You words were so soft that Bucky could barely hear them.

"Sorry?" He tried to hide his confusion, matching your soft tone as he sat down a few feet away from you. "About what doll?"

"Just... because I feel so sad." Tears pooled in your eyes, but you didn't stop staring at the sky.

"What are you sad about?" It's taking everything in him for Bucky not to hold you right now. He doesn't want to make you even more upset, especially because he's never seen you like this.

"No one around me knows who I am..." He watched as a tear rolled down your cheek, shining in the light from the moon.

Bucky moves closer, just close enough for him to reach out and hold your hand. You squeeze it, instant relief flooding through him that he hasn't crossed any boundaries.

He goes to speak, but you cut him off. "I'm not breaking. I won't take it. And I won't ever feel this way again." Your voice is harder, as if your angry with yourself.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay to have feelings. You're allowed to feel like this. Don't push it away. Talk to me. Why don't you think anyone knows who you are? We're all here for you, Y/N." He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, trying to convey how serious he is.

You let out a dry laugh, wiping the the tears from your cheek. "My self preservation..." Bucky can tell there's more to, choosing to wait for you to continue. "All of my reservations..." You sigh again, sitting up, you scoot closer until you can lean your forehead against his shoulder. "I bottle it up. I'm my own biggest enemy." You let out another dry laugh, shaking your head without moving it from its resting place on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky wraps his arm around you and leans his cheek against your head. "Take your time. You can talk to me." He whispered, trying to keep you talking without getting mad at yourself again.

"Well, I'd like to tell you that my sky is not blue, it's violent rain." The sounds of your sniffles break his heart. "I just pretend everything's fine because that's what I had to do when I was younger." Rather then interrupting, Bucky continues to rub small circles on your hand and your back, encouraging you to continue when you're ready. "Can I tell you a story? I... I think it'll help explain some of it."

"Of course. Anything you need, doll." He curses himself for the pet name, not wanting you to think he's joking. He just can't help it when it comes to you.

"Thank you, ducky." You chuckle, but your words are just as sincere as his. "You know I have two sisters, and I love them with all my heart, but sometimes growing up with them was hard. My older sister, she put so much pressure on herself to succeed. And, she did. She was so good at everything she did, that I felt like I had to be just as perfect.

With my younger sister, it was like it was effortless. She put just as much, if not more pressure on herself. but, she could do anything she tried to, with almost no learning curve. I always felt this crazy amount of pressure to be just as good.

My parents, they didn't really help with that. I mean, they were so supportive and I'm so grateful to them, but it was a lot of pressure. The summer between my junior and senior year of college, I wanted to get an internship. Ya know, to get some experience. It would set me up better for getting a job after graduation.

I spent months looking and applying, but nothing was working out. So, I went home for the summer. My mom would come home everyday and ask me if I got a job yet.

I spent nearly every waking hour looking for a job, even just a part time one for the summer. So one day, when we sat down for dinner and she asked if I got a job yet..."

Bucky could feel how tense you were telling this story, but he knew you needed to get it out.

"I told her, 'no, not yet' and she just seemed so disappointed. She asked if I was even applying and I snapped.

I yelled at her, something that had never really happened before. I told her I was trying. I was doing everything I could. She yelled at me for yelling and said it wasn't unreasonable to ask for updates.

I yelled right back. I kept saying I spend all day everyday trying and just when I finally get a break, she walks in and brings it all up again. I was stressed enough without her constant reminders.

I ended up running away from the table, in tears. I hid in the bathroom, there... there was a pair of scissors on the counter and I really thought about killing myself that day."

The tears are pouring out of you at this point. Bucky threw caution to the wind. He picked you up, maneuvering you to sit across his lap and lean your head on his chest. He kept rubbing circles into your back, murmuring words of encouragement.

"My younger sister tried to check on me, but I wouldn't open the door. My mom stomped down the hallway to her bedroom. I was full on having a panic attack in the hallway bathroom. I think I stayed in there for an hour before I went back to the dinner table.

My dad was in the kitchen. He put my plate in the microwave to heat up dinner for me. I ate through near constant tears, it only got worse every time he tried to ask me what happened. Why I snapped like that.

I wanted to apologize to my mom for yelling, so after I ate I went to her room. I knocked, and when she told me to come in I opened the door. I just remember her looking so angry.

I apologized. I told her I was sorry for yelling. She said something about not being unreasonable again. I cried again. When she asked what was wrong, I told her I was scared.

I couldn't put it into words though, so when she asked me 'of what?' I just shrugged. Then, she asked me if I was on my period.

God. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at her again, To make her understand 'I only wanna die some days. But if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?' I decided that day that I would never try to tell anyone how I actually felt."

Bucky holds you as you cry. You're not sure how long it's been when you can finally breathe enough to talk again.

"I just, so many people have bigger problems then me. I grew up in a loving household. I went to college and made friends. I got a job after I graduated. So why am I so sad sometimes? I just wanna scream but what’s the use? At night, I lay awake and I stare at the door, I just can’t take it no more."

Bucky continues comforting you when he speaks again. "Just because other people have problems, doesn't mean yours are irrelevant. You are 100% allowed to feel however you feel, even if it seems like there's no reason for it. Have you ever thought about talking to someone about all of this? I know you just said you haven't told anyone how you actually feel for years, but I think it could help." He smiled nervously when you raised your head to look at him.

"I have actually. I joked about it a lot with my roommate right out of college. I always used to say 'everybody needs therapy' as a joke. Of course, I meant it. Most people probably do need therapy." You laughed, moving your arms around Bucky's neck to hug him. "Thank you for listening to me. I like talking to you."

Of course, Bucky noticed your smile didn't reach your eyes. He was confident in his words when he spoke again. "You can always talk to me. I'll always be there to listen." He followed that with a less confident "What's been bothering you today?"

"Oh, nothing that serious. It's just all pent up inside, ya know?" You smiled again, hiding your face so he couldn't see your lies.

Of course, he could still hear it in your voice. "Y/N, you can tell me. I want to be here for you."

"I... It's just, my insecurities are hurting me." You laughed at yourself. "Here we go with the fucking riddles, again. On the plus side, I think I've cried so much I'm back to one drink Y/N."

"Well, it has been 3 hours since I left to come find you." You were grateful for Bucky's joke, needing something to lift the mood a bit. "But, don't try and change the subject. I still want to know what's got you all sad." His words were light, but you knew how serious he was.

You took a deep breath, burying your head in his neck. "How could somebody ever love me?" You spoke into his shirt, not moving your head back even an inch.

"You know I can't understand you when you talk into my neck like that." Bucky tried joking, but even he knew it would do little to calm your fears.

You moved back, lips still grazing his skin when you repeated yourself, "how could somebody ever love me?"

Bucky wanted to scream. He wanted to tell you how much he loves you. He would gladly spend every day of his life loving you, but he didn't think this was the right time. Not when you just poured your heart out to him. So he settled for the almost truth.

"Anyone would be lucky to love you. You are selfless. You put everyone else first, no matter what. You always make sure everyone has a reason to smile, even when things aren't going right. You tell the best jokes. You're great at cuddling." He squeezes you closer to him, emphasizing the point. "You are beautiful, inside and out. Everyone who comes into contact with you automatically has a better day. You are incredibly strong and independent. I've never met anyone so incredibly good. Even Steve. Anyone would be lucky to be loved by you."

His words brought more tears to your eyes, pooling in the corners. "Then how come everyone that I’ve dated says they hate it cause they don’t know what to do with me? I feel broken."

"They were all idiots. You're not broken. Not even a little bit. You're learning how to express your feelings. You just need someone who would take it slow." He pressed a kiss to your forehead, struggling not to tell you everything.

"I wonder if you’d take it slow." Your eyes go wide when that slips out. You hadn't meant to make things uncomfortable. One look at Bucky's face has you freaking out. He looks stunned. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out! Oh god, you've been there for me all night and I go and fuck it up by admitting I'm in love with you."

Your eyes grow even larger. You would move out of his lap, but his arms are still holding you in place. "Shit! Maybe I'm still drunk because apparently I have no filter." You say the last part more to yourself, but he can still hear you.

"Y/N?" Your name comes out of his mouth in a soft whisper.

"Yes?" You cringe internally at messing everything up.

"I would take it slow." He smiles, leaning his forehead against yours while he waits for you to absorb his words.

"Yeah?" You whisper back, a smile ghosting your lips.

"Yeah." You both lean in, exchanging soft, slow kisses and sleepy smiles.

--

The two of you ended up falling asleep leaning against the back of the couch. The sun streaming through the windows, combined with the noise of the other avengers in the kitchen, wakes you up.

You nudge Bucky, grinning when he pulls you closer.

"C'mon. Let's get some breakfast." He groans again, but eventually stands up.

The two of you walk into the nearly full kitchen, surprising everyone by coming from the lounge rather than the elevators. They share amused expressions, unaware of the emotional hurdles you jumped last night.

You head right for Sam, hugging him tightly before moving on to hug everyone else.

"I just wanted to thank you all. For encouraging me to live a little last night, but also for being there for me." Tears spring to your eyes again, shocking everyone but Bucky. "You're all like a family to me and I'm so glad I have you all to lean on." You made your way back to Bucky, leaning into his side while he poured both of you some cereal.

You smile when you look at him, kissing his cheek before sliding into the stool next to his.

As if broken out of a day dream, Sam sputters out a question. "What the hell did seven drink Y/N do last night?" Thrown off both by your behaviour with Bucky and the short emotional speech.

"Oh, seven drink Y/N is an emotional little bitch. I think I cried eight years of suppressed tears." You laughed, grinning at Bucky when he squeezed your hand. "Also, I think I need a therapist." Your casual admission has Tony spitting out his breakfast.

"What the hell happened last night after you disappeared from the party?" He guffaws, trying to put the pieces together.

"Also, why aren't you even a little bit hungover?" Nat chimed in, upset at missing out on seeing you anything but cheery.

"Well, to answer Nat first, I don't get hungover. Never have, even the one time I blackout out." You shrugged at everyone's slightly jealous expressions. "To answer Tony, I had an emotional breakthrough. Bucky helped me talk through it, something I never thought I'd be able to do. Long story short, i'm going to learn how to share my feelings instead of suppressing them all."

"Suppressing them? What are you talking about? I've literally never felt anything but happiness from you before?" Wanda questioned the new development.

"Well, that's because I'm really good at hiding how I feel. I'd rather not go through it all again, so just watch the security footage from the lounge last night, yeah? I want you all to know, even if it took seven drink Y/N to share it." You quickly finished eating, pulling Bucky to the doorway.

"While you do that, we're going out. Bye!" Before they could question anything else, you ran to the elevator, dragging a very willing Bucky behind you.

"We're going out?" He questioned when the elevator doors shut.

"Yep. Get dressed, I want to see all your favorite places in New York. Even if they're different now. Take me to all your favorite spots." You both smiled, sharing another soft kiss before parting to change for the day.

"Hey," Bucky called, causing you to turn over your shoulder, "I love you."

"I love you too."

[roscgcld]

DAYDREAMING!AU || new reality

;request: rn i’m obsessed with your writing & the daydreaming!reader<33 but i also love angst so what would happen if she ended up getting really hurt protecting another student - hope that wasn’t too weird.. again, i love your writing !!

note: ahaha, i am glad that a lot of people enjoy my daydreaming!reader works; she is also one of my babies as well >< and originally i wasn't going to do this cause i had no idea on what to write - but i had managed to layout a rocky plan before i got some bursts of inspiration lol. ended up becoming too loud though ><” I am sorry for that~

pronouns: she/her

daydreaming!reader masterlist

“There is a chance that she will never wake up from this.”

Shoko gave the others in the room a concerned glance as she glanced up from her tablet, hating how silent it was besides the quiet beeping of the machines around the occupied bed. Laying in the bed was Y/N, a breathing tube carefully inserted into her mouth with the ventilator beside her being the only thing that’s keeping her oxygen levels normal. “The amount of damage she took was quite large. And even though she had managed to regulate quite a strong barrier of Curse Energy around her at all times, it wasn’t enough to brace her for the impact of her being slammed into the build.”

The mission shouldn’t have ended this way - the first and second year students were sent on a mission to deal with a few Finger Bearers that had appeared in the city due to the lack of sorcerers on duty at the time. They were under the care of a few First Grade sorcerers, all hand-picked by Yaga-sensei to ensure the safety of the kids.

However, things rarely go to plan in the jujutsu world.

Yaga-sensei sighs softly as he leans back into his seat, his eyes glancing over at his student that was clearly battling to stay alive. Guilt started to eat him from the inside out, since this was technically his fault. Sure, everyone knows that there is no way that you can go on a mission without enduring some casualties. But the fact is that this was not what he had expected for the outcome to be.. “I am going to kill them myself.”

“G-Gojo-san!” Ijichi hissed out as he glances over at the white haired shaman in the room with wide eyes, the man having been leaning against the wall opposite from the hospital bed with his arms crossed over his chest. His head was tipped forward with an almost too casual expression on his face, yet anyone can tell the barely suppressed anger that lurked underneath. An anger that was only a few moments away from exploding. “You can’t - don’t say things like that!”

“And you expect me to sit back as they failed to save the children?” Gojo asks in a loud voice, effectively squashing whatever confidence Ijichi had built up inside of him. The hand that was resting arm tightened, the veins at the back of his pale hands started to protrude out as Gojo’s anger started to show itself. “I need a good explanation on how their incompetency put our student in this state. 5 First Grades against 3 Special Grade Curses? With 7 talented students by their side and they still can’t handle it? Give me a fucking break.”

“Not everyone can be like you, Satoru.” Yaga-sensei finally mumbles out as he rests his forehead into his hand, fingers pinching at the space between his eyes tiredly. “If anything, it was my fault. I had underestimated the brains of the Finger Bearers, and because of that, all my calculations were wrong. I put retrieving the fingers over numbers. So if you want to find someone to be angry to, the blame is on me.”

The room went quiet after Yaga’s explanation, both Ijichi and Shoko sharing a caution look before casting a glance over at the blindfolded man. After a few tensed moments Gojo pushed himself off the wall and walked out of the hospital room without another word, closing the door behind him quietly; a stark contrast to his usual habit of either slamming the shoji doors too hard, or leaving it open completely.

That out of character move definitely had Shoko sighing in concern. “That idiot...I hope he’s not going to do anything stupid.” She mumbles softly before she turned back to face the young girl laying on the bed, quietly reaching over to brush her fingers through the soft strands that had fallen over Y/N sleeping face. “You better wake up soon, sweetheart...I worry that this might finally push him over the edge.”

Occupying each seat outside of the small waiting area in the infirmary were the other students; wounds bandaged, yet their anxiety was palpable in the air. They had heard what had happened, yet were sheild by the other sorcerers who had called for back-up. Last they heard of Y/N was a scream before what sounded like a building collasping. “Do you think Y/N-senpai is alright?”

Yuji was the first one who dared to break the silence, glancing up from his clenched hands before him to glance at the others. “I mean...it must have been bad, since she was charted off as soon as back up arrived.” Yuji mutters softly as he tightened his fingers together, trying to stop them from shaking. He felt awful - if only he had spared a few seconds to glance over at his senpai, maybe she wouldn’t be in the condition she’s in now. “It’s not every day you’re rushed straight to Ieiri-sensei’s office...”

“...If there is one idiot who can pull through, it’ll be her,” Maki mumbles out quietly after awhile, looking away from her kouhai to stare down at the wooden floors of the building they were in. “Even if it’s bad, she always pulls through it...there is no reason why she can’t do it this time.” She mutters softly just as a pair of footsteps came towards them, causing everyone to look up at the approaching figure. 

Gojo paused when he spotted the others, the question they wanted to ask was clear as day. And for once, Gojo wished that he was able to reassure them like he always does. For him to be able to put up the act that everything was alright, that everyone will be okay. 

But he knew that it’ll do no justice if he did. “Is she...is she alright?”

The question that fell from Yuta’s mouth was left hanging in the air for a few moments, the sliver of hope they had moments ago slowly dimming with each passing moment. Quietly Gojo slipped his hands into his pockets, his blindfolded eyes downcast; too scared to see their reactions. For once, he wished that he was not the one to break the news to the students. “Y/N-chan...might not recovery from this.”

His words sent shock waves through the students, yet he balled his fists up in his pockets to continue with what he had to say. “She hit her head too hard...and if she was not subconsciously protecting herself with Cursed Energy all the time, the impact would have caused her skull to crack in two on impact. But it still took a lot out of her person, and Shoko said that-”

The sound of a metal chair being thrown backwards echoed across the room, causing Gojo to look up just in time to see Yuta standing up with wide eyes as he hastily tried to calm his friend. “Maki, you need to calm down.” He tried to reason with the girl, who had her backed turn to the group, her hands shoved deep into the pockets of her jacket. “This isn’t your fault-” Yuta tried to reason, only to pause when Maki just silently started to walk away, leaving with no more but a loud slam of the main door that echoed down the hallway once more. 

For a few moments no one said anything else, yet the first one to move was Megumi; who turned to face his sensei. “Can we visit her?” He mumbled out quietly, to which Gojo just glanced over at him with a slightly raised eyebrow. “Usually people talk to someone who is in a coma. Might jolt them awake or give them encouragement to fight harder...I am sure Y/N-senpai will get lonely if no one visited her..”

“Why not?” Gojo said after a few moments of thought, giving his students what he hope was a reassuring smile as he turns a little; nodding down the hallway. “Shoko managed to stabalise her condition. Just make sure to sanatise your hands at the door.”

Quietly the group of students followed behind their silent sensei, keeping close to one another as if they were trying to give each other comfort. The walk to the room seemed too far, the door seeming to grow further and further away from them with each step. It was if it was trying to stop them from seeing the truth; yet they didn’t stop. Yet soon they found themselves standing before the smooth door; the single grey name plaque with her name written in black resting in the silver plaque holder. “Right, here we are.”

After everyone was handed a blob of hand sanitiser and had wiped it onto their skin, the small group entered after a quiet knock to the door. “Y/N-chan, I’ve returned with the others...minus one, that is.” Gojo hummed out in delight as he made his way towards the bed, a silent gesture for the others to do the same. “You know Maki-chan though. Once she finishes beating herself up, she’ll come running back. She always does~”

Quietly the others made their way into the room, eyes scanning over the beeping machines and many wires connected to the sleeping girl. “Y/N...senpai..” Nobara mumbles out in shock, her eyes resting the ventilator; not believing that a girl that was bounding about the college earlier today now needed help to do something as simple as breathing. “No way...there is...”

A warm hand rest on the top of her head, Megumi quietly giving her a form of comfort whilst his wide eyes stared at the bed before him in shock. No one dared take a step forward, like they were standing on the other side of a fragile glass bridge that was moments away from breaking. “Y/N..”

Gojo felt the hole started to eat inside of him as he watches how his students were staring at their fellow classmate in shock. Quietly he settled down in the only seat at the corner of the room, watching from the shadows at how the others will react to seeing her in such a state. The first person to snap out of it was Yuta, who quietly places a hand on Toge’s shoulders before giving it a light squeeze. “Shall we go and say hello?” 

Quietly Yuta made his way towards the bed, only to hesitate one step away from grabbing onto her hand. He stared at the frail hand, a simple IV needle carefully taped on the back of her palm for a few moments; a clear look of uncertainty on his face. Yet he took a deep breath, and with a trembling hand, carefully took Y/N’s cold hand in his. “I...Hi, Y/N...” Yuta mumbles quietly into the hospital room, voice barely heard over the constant beeping of the heart monitor. “Sorry...we took awhile to visit...and sorry that Maki isn’t here...I am sure she’ll drop by when she is ready though.”

The only response he got was the sound of the steady beep of the heart monitor, to which he just tighten his grip ever so slightly on Y/N’s unmoving hand. He could hear the soft giggle that Y/N would let out at his words, and if he felt tears welling up in his eyes as he hears her voice bouncing around inside his head.

“It’s alright, Yuta-san! I am sure you were busy before that. And I know Maki-chan will come after you leave - but you didn’t hear that secret from me~”

The silence of the hospital room made Yuta sick to the stomach, the idea that he might never hear Y/N’s voice again started to really sink in. Her usually warm and familiar touch felt cold and lifeless, causing Yuta to carefully tuck her hand underneath her hospital blanket; as if he was trying to warm it up once more. “I...I am going to go grab her favourite stuffed animal from her room. I am sure she’d love to have something of comfort whilst she’s here...if you’ll excuse me.”

Without another word Yuta just walked out of the room quietly, Yuji being the only one turning to watch his senpai leave with a look of concern. Out of everyone Yuji was definitely the one who seemed to be able to hold himself together the most, so it was no surprise when he was the one that went next. “Yo, Y/N-senpai,” Yuji greeted quietly as he walked towards the hospital bed, easily dodging all the wires and such. After all, this wasn’t his first time visiting someone he cares for in the hospital. “Can you hear me? I hope you can - or not Fushiguro might lecture me for being loud.”

The other sorcerer couldn’t even find his voice whilst Yuji continues on; his voice soft yet soothing as he looks down at his senpai with nothing more but a soft smile. “I know you’re trying your hardest go come back to us, and you’d probably tell us that we’re not the ones to blame. That you’re a big girl now, and things like this happen all the time.” Yuji continues, the only indication to his change of mood was the slight quiver that was hard to hide. Yet Yuji continued on anyway. “I hope you know we miss you...and we’re worried sick that you’re in the state you are now. But I know that you need some time to rest up, and soon you’ll be back on your feet again, right? ‘Cause..b-because that’s how you’ve always been.”

Silence enveloped the room once more, with Yuji just not sure on what else to say to her as he stared at her pale face. The other three in the room sort of just huddled together, all of them unsure of what to say to her. They weren’t the best with emotional words - beside Toge, who usually doesn’t use words at all - so asking them to keep their tone in check whilst referring to their unconscious classmate is a little too much for them.

So after awhile Yuji decided to lead them out of the hospital room, giving Gojo a parting smile before he closes the door behind him. Leaving him alone as he stared at the slumbering figure of his student as he rests his elbows on his parted knees. Quietly he rests his head in his hands, eyes closed as he tried to push back the light migraine that was coming on. He hates that it is his duty to break the news to the others - her parents, her elders. Heck, he has to give a call to Nanami and Utahime to tell them the bad news. 

If it was anything else, he wound be more than excited to blow their phones up. But this? He wishes that the duty was handed to someone else - because he himself doesn’t even believe that this was happening in the first place. 

He wishes that this was all just a terrible nightmare.

Maki quietly pushed the window open as she climbed in from the roof, the doors of halls of the infirmary long going silent; cicadas chirping away in the night sky. Maki quietly stuffed her hands into the pockets of her hoodie, eyes racking over Y/N’s sleeping form, to the amount of machines that were working by her side to make sure that she’s alive. “Hey, idiot...I’ve arrived.”

Quietly she made her way towards Y/N’s bedside, her eyes clouding over with an unreadable emotion. If she was being honest, she didn’t know how to react right now. On one hand, she was pissed - she is pissed off because she could have done something to help Y/N. Maybe if she was just faster, just a bit more aware, maybe if she was training to try harder. Maybe if she can just try harder-

A loud slap sounded across the room, Maki having pulled her hand out of her pocket to slap across her cheek hard to snap out of the spiraling thoughts. The burning sting on her cheek reminded her to return to reality before she started to trash the room out of anger, something that she and Y/N had been working on for some time now. Y/N would always say, “You should never turn to anger and violence to deal with your issues!”

Maki wonders what her reaction would be if she had saw Maki slapping herself so hard that there was a light handprint on the side of her cheek. “You’re so annoying, you know that?”

With a tired sigh Maki settled down in the seat that Gojo had occupied earlier in the day, keeping her eyes on the steady heart monitor; her eyes following the spike that indicates the faint heartbeat of Y/N. “Who the hell knew that it took an entire building to really get you hurt.” Maki sigh as she tore her eyes away from the screen, looking down at her boots quietly; examining all the scuffs and scratches on marring the smooth leather. “Call me stupid, but I really thought that it’d take more than that. Remember when you had jumped out the window of the 10th floor and left with no more but a bruise? You were crying about it ‘cause you couldn’t wear dresses for about 2 weeks.”

Maki let out a tired laugh at the memory of finding Yuta trying to reassure a crying Y/N when she found the bruise on her knee; Yuta just patting her head with the most amused look on his face whilst she cried her eyes out at the idea that she can’t wear her cute dresses until it cleared up. “Imagine what will happen when you wake up from this? God, that is going to be a pain.”

A soft sigh left Maki’s lips as she glances over at the stuffed sheep that Yuta had brought from her room; along with a few more random stuffed animals that surrounded her head like a halo. This caused her to smile sadly as she rests her head on her shoulder, watching her for a few minutes without saying anything. Maki had always been bad with words and emotions; with all the things she had gone through when she was younger. Wording how she feels and emotions are not Maki’s favourite thing to deal with, since she wants to keep this badass, strong woman front she has on all the time to prove something to her elders.

“You better wake up from this, or not I am going to kick your ass.” Maki mutters after a few moments, getting up with a tired sigh before she casts her another glance at Y/N. Without missing a beat, she reaches over to brush strands of hair away from her face, warm hand resting on her head for a few moments before she places a few parting pats on her head; something she had always done when she needs to leave for a mission or a meeting outside of school. 

“‘Night, brat. Wake up soon, okay?” Maki mutters, and with a final sigh she made her way towards the window she climbed in once more, quietly shutting it behind her after she hauled herself over the railing. It was only in the dead of the night that Maki quietly lets her tears fall, biting her lip hard to stop whatever sounds that were threatening to leave her lips. 

Because at the end of the day she is stubborn, and refuses to believe that this might be her new reality.

A week had passed since the day that the others found out that Y/N had fallen into a coma of a sorts, and everyone would visit at least once just to see if there is any sight of change. That there might be a sign that she was going to wake up soon. And there were slight changes; a few days after she had been admitted she was allowed to get off the ventilator and rely on oxygen instead. But she was still in bad shape.

Nanami tries to make time to drop by to visit as well, coming over to quietly read pages of the book that he was reading. Whenever Y/N was sick, she would call Nanami over the phone and ask if the man can read to her; something about how she finds comfort in his voice that puts her at ease. And since Ieiri had encouraged them to talk to her more for stimulation, Nanami takes the time to read to her after a long day of work. It brought him some comfort as well, listening to the constant beeping of the heart monitor and the humming of the other machines around her.

Gojo would sometimes drop by as well, only to berate Nanami for his ‘boring’ book choices; and an unconscious Y/N has to endure two adults arguing about book choices and how Gojo’s titles are definitely not appropriate to even bring onto school grounds.

Besides the occasional argument, sometimes Gojo will prop his phone up against a vase of flowers that Yuji brings so that Utahime can FaceTime him; the students from the Kyoto side being able to see and talk to the slumbering Y/N. For the most part, everyone was shocked that she was in the state she was in; having never expected such a bright and talkative person can fall into such a state.

The most distraught one was definitely Todo, who had almost jumped out of his seat and make a full on dash towards Tokyo if it wasn’t for Noritoshi and Mai joining together to restrain the man, along with Principal Gakuganji threating to hold him back from their planned trip to Tokyo the following week that had him calming down.

But barely - the man is still more than ready to just up and run across the country just so he can be closer to his ‘beloved Y/N-chan’.

Every day, without fail, Toge will come into her hospital room with a new accessory to pull her hair back into; carefully brushing her hair out and applying dry shampoo so it wasn’t greasy to the touch. Once he was satisifed he’d carefully style her hair back so it didn’t get in the way of her checkups, taking his time with everything so he gets to spend more time with her. He doesn’t say much, he usually finds that doesn’t whenever he is around her; so he takes his time when he does her hair in hopes that she can feel that he is there for her.

Yuta and Megumi will find time after classes to go and visit her together, telling her about everything that had happened whilst she is asleep. Sometimes Nobara will visit as well, must for the most time she’d come alone in the evening after dinner to just rant to her about everything that she found annoying that happened over the day. Nobara usually stay until Ieiri comes to kick her out, hoping that Maki might come in as well to visit Y/N.

But Maki never does - yet everyone knows that Maki finds the time in her day to go and visit her like everyone else. However, no one dared to ask her how or when she does it. They’ve accepted that it was probably a sensitive subject to her, and that it’s off limits to ask her unless you want her to ignore you for the rest of the day. Gojo had learnt it the hard way when he had teased her, only to be thrown out the window of their classroom by an annoyed Maki.

Even his Infinity is no match for that woman’s wrath.

Days soon led into weeks, with slow but not so encouraging signs of improvement from the young girl. The elders of her clan and her parents had visited the college as soon as they can, and had kept tabs with every single thing that is going on with her. There was no denying the fear of her suddenly relapsing once more, and soon it will become too much for her parents to bear. The idea of keeping Y/N around, knowing that she is in so much pain, just for their selfish want of keeping her alive was a reality they want to avoid. 

The once vibrant and lively campus soon turned gloomy; the hallways of the school quiet without the familiar sound of bunny-themed slippers running across its worn-out flooring. The chime of a familiar giggle was missing in the air, along with a dreamy voice that just never seems to stop; no matter what time of the day it is. There were days where the others forget that Y/N was not there to make dinner for the night, or she wasn’t there when they want to ask her opinion about something. Her room, which once served as a sanctuary for the students who can’t sleep at night, now became too painful to even walk past on certain days.

Yet everyone tried their hardest to go on with their days, knowing that it was what Y/N wanted them to do. If they were to allow their grief to consume them whole, they knew the delicate routine they had rebuilt would crumble before them. And if there is one thing they can do to keep Y/N’s memory alive, is to live their lives to the fullest. To try and cherish each and every day, no matter how painful reality is without her by their side.

They have to try, for her sake.

It wasn’t until a month passed when Yuta had came running into the lunch hall, looking like he had seen a ghost as he tried to catch his breath. “Okkotsu-senpai?” Megumi asks in concern as he looks over at the older man, putting his tray down to try and give his panting senpai a hand. “Are you-” He asked, only to have Yuta put a hand up to stop him as he took a few deep gulps of air.

“A-Awake...Y/N...Y/N is awake.”

Within a few seconds the students were sprinting across campus, none of them believing what Yuta had said until they have see it for themselves. What is usually a 10 minute walk from the lunch hall took about four minutes with them sprinting, possibly annoying half of the cleaners of the school that they were breaking the no running rule. Yet they didn’t stop even at their annoyed outcries, the simple wooden door of the infirmary almost coming off its hinges at how hard Maki had thrown it open.

Maki was the one who pushed the hospital room door open, causing the people in the room to jump in shock. Including Y/N, who had let out a soft squeak of shock; her voice hoarse from not using it for so long. The others blinked in shock at the sight of Y/N’s bright eyes meeting theirs at the doorway, ones that blinked before she gave them the biggest smile she can muster.

“H-Hi.” Y/N mumbles softly, to which Nanami just gave her a rare smile as he gently rubs her back, Gojo smirking softly as he recorded the reactions of the others by the door. He had gotten over the shock a few moments ago. “Don’t strain yourself, Y/N-chan. Remember what Ieiri-sensei said about straining your voice.” The blonde man hummed before he turned his blue eyes over at the shocked students as well. “And that goes to you too. If you all stress her out, I am not against tossing you all out.”

Y/N made a noise and turned to try and reassure the older man, not noticing how the others were staring at her in shock. The first person to move was Maki, whose eyes look suspicious wet as she stormed into the room. “I am going to kill you.” She growled out loudly, to which Y/N jumped before she held her arms out for protection; feeling a shiver of fear go up her spine. Yet before she can make a move to stop her, Maki suddenly wrapped her up in a hug, the arms that Y/N held out to try and pacify her angry classmate freezing from the unnatural reaction from Maki.

Y/N blinks for a few moments before she smiles softly and wraps Maki up in her arms as well, gently patting her head as Maki silently wets her shoulder with her tears. “I know.” Y/N mumbles out softly before her eyes met the others, giving them a soft smile as she gently gestures to the others to enter her room. Soon there was just a huge ball of crying teenagers hugging one another on Y/N’s hospital bed; Gojo and Nanami having moved aside to give them more space for their reunion as they watched on from the other side of the room. “Should we stop them?”

“Nah, we might get murdered if we try.” Gojo said with a hum as he grins over the sound of intelligible crying, looking over at Nanami who had a ghost of a smile on his lips at the sight. “Besides, this is great content. I never had a video of Maki crying before.” Gojo admitted, to which Nanami’s smile dropped as he looked over at him in annoyance. 

“Why am I not surprised at all?”

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform

[mythiccheroacademia]

What You Fight About

part 2

A/N: just something I thought about

Headcanon: what you two would fight about the most

Warnings: toxic behaviors, yelling, cursing, angst

Midoriya Izuku:

his absence

being the number one hero is demanding

it’s also been his dream since he could remember

you understood that, but that didn’t mean it didn’t frustrate you when he’d disappear for days at a time

izuku tries to balance his job and home life

but it isn't enough

~~~

You and Izuku don’t fight much. In fact, you never really do. You’re both so compromising that disagreements rarely happen.

But when your kid is involved, that complacency slips away. Even when it comes to one another.

“I’m done talking about this.”

“Honey, why won’t you just listen to me?” he begged, but the irritation in his tone gave it more sharpness than he intended. “[S/N] doesn’t need the tutor. It’s just the teacher.”

You began to pick up the leftover toys from floor more so to expel pent up energy rather than to simply clean. You scoffed, shaking your head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Excuse me?” Midoriya snipped. His eyes followed you as you discarded the toys and crossed your arms beside the couch, finally giving him your attention. “I think I know my own son, Y/N.”

Izuku cared so much for your child and you knew that. But that underlying message your brain processed within his words pissed you off.

“And you think I don’t?”

“I just don’t think you’re giving him enough credit.”

An incredulous laugh left your lips before they moved into a frown. “He’s failing 4th grade, Izuku. We can’t move him to a different classroom every time he gets a bad grade. At some point, we have to take responsibility! He needs the extra help!”

“You just don’t understand,” the hero muttered, running a hand through his hair.

What he said shouldn’t have set you off, but it did. Everything suddenly flooded your head. All the stress you had to deal with alone bubbled up your throat and exploded.

“No, you don’t understand!”

“Yes I do!”

“How!? You’re barely in his fucking life anyways!”

It went silent shortly after that.

The outburst felt good, but the aftermath made your squeeze with guilt. Izuku’s frown softened into shock before melting into something deeper than pain.

Once your words finally processed through your head, you immediately tried to take it back.

“Izuku, I didn’t mean that—”

“Yes you did.”

You thickly swallowed and averted your eyes to the floor. He was right. You did. You’d been wanting to say it for so long, but this wasn’t the way you planned to deliver those thoughts.

Your gaze moved back to your husband once he gathered his duffle bag and slid on his shoes.

“Baby,” you sighed, your voice much softer than before. It was almost insane how easily the anger left you. “Where are you going?”

You wilted with his next words. “I’ll stay over at the agency. To give you some space. We’ll talk more after we’ve both cooled down,” he sadly smiled.

Despite the hurt silver-lining his green eyes, Midoriya softly held your chin and kissed your forehead. Something he always did when your disagreements didn’t end on a good note. As if to reassure you that, even though he was upset, he still loved you all the same.

And that just made you feel worse.

“’Zuku—”

“Don’t worry about [S/N]. I’ll take him to school tomorrow.” He paused to look you in your eyes. “I love you, always.”

“I love you too,” you quietly resigned and watched him disappear behind the front door leaving you to let your head fall into your hands.

Bakugo Katsuki

his jealousy

bakugo is confident in many areas of his life

it’s one of his qualities that won you over

but he still had those tiny insecurities that showed up in large ways

aka losing you

and he had no idea how to handle it

~~~

The alcohol probably wasn’t a good idea considering Bakugo was already noticeably pissed on the way to the house party. But everyone assumed it was just another one of his moods he’d get over sooner or later. He wasn’t a drinker, but a beer or two usually loosened him up.

However, your friends looked at each other with worry behind the door to the room you two were in. Despite the party lights and booming stereo, they could hear the angry muffled yelling you two were doing.

You were 100% drunk, but you were 110% sure this man was telling you to stay away from your friend. Your best friend.

“If it’s one thing you have, it’s the audacity,” you sassily quipped.

“I’m not fucking playing around with you, Y/N,” Bakugo snapped with too much bite than you cared to hear. “I want you to stay away from that two-bagged eyed bastard!”

“You always do this! Shinsou’s my friend!”

The redness in his ears wasn’t only from the drinks as his nostrils flared with barely contained irritation. “Friend my ass. You didn’t see the way he was looking at you, and that fucker had the nerve to grab you in front of me!”

“He was moving me out of the way!”

“He fucking felt you up is what he did!”

You smacked your teeth, entirely done with the argument. You weren’t getting anywhere. “Now you’re just being delusional.”

Bakugo pinched the bridge of his nose and blew out in a desperate attempt to calm himself. A feat even he was surprised about considering the situation. He tried so hard to not be as explosive, to reign in his emotions, for you. But his jealousy burned hot within his veins.

“Y/N. I’m asking you, as your man, to put some distance between you and Shinsou,” he lowly warned.

Maybe it was the wrong thing to say, but the words flew out of your mouth before you could stop them. “Like hell I will. Hitoshi’s been here longer than you have by years. I’m not gonna drop him just because you feel insecure.”

That withered away any form of self-restraint Katsuki had left. He felt exposed and hurt. And dealt with that the best way he knew how.

His hazy brain clouded over with anger and he went on the defensive.

“I bet you want him.”

“What? No I don’t?”

“You’re probably sleeping with him behind my fucking back,” he dryly laughed. “Am I not good enough anymore? Is that it?”

You were quickly sobering up. “What the fuck is wrong with you!? Of course not! I’m not a cheater!”

“Then why won’t cut him off, damn it!?”

Your voices rose in volumes too high for comfort. The crackle in his palms didn’t scare you one bit, but it was enough for Kirishima and Mina to come in and try to separate you two.

You ignored their pleading and the two of your found each other in the other’s face.

“Why are you so jealous!?”

“BECAUSE HE’S TAKING YOU AWAY FROM ME!!”

“NO HE’S NOT!

“IT’S SO EASY FOR YOU TO DEFEND HIM AND PROBABLY JUST AS EASY FOR YOU TO SPREAD YOUR FUCKING LEGS—"

A resounding slap cut him short. That seemed to snap him out of whatever alcohol induced rage he was in. However, Bakugo only had a moment to register your expression of disgust before Kirishima pulled him away.

“Fuck you, asshole” was the last thing you said before Mina lead into the hallway.

Kirishima watched his friend’s breathing turn ragged with each puff.

“Come on, man. Let’s just—”

“FUCK!” Katsuki roared before throwing a nearby water bottle to the floor. He fisted his hair and clenched his teeth.

He messed up. Big time.

And as upset as he was with himself, he couldn’t help but be even angrier at the thought of who you’d run to first.

Todoroki Shouto:

how blunt he is

he was a bit socially inept and you loved him for that

but sometimes, you get frustrated

todoroki does too because 9 times out of 10 he doesn’t understand why

when you get angry, he completely shuts down bc he doesn’t know how to handle it any other way

and it didn’t help that he was petty asf

~~~

“Okay.”

You looked up and folded your lips in a tight line. It was the same monotone answer he’d been giving you all day and it was getting on your nerves.

“Sho, baby, can you at least try and act like you somewhat care about this vacation we’re planning,” you said as sweetly as possible.

Although you were annoyed, you understood that things flew over your boyfriend’s head sometimes and, hopefully, a little nudge would point him in the right direction.

“I’m listening, prince(ss),” he dimly responded.

He didn’t bother to look up from the papers he was reading at the table and it made you huff. Folding up the magazine, you just stalked your way out of the kitchen.

“You know what? Don’t even bother. I’ll do it myself.”

That made Shouto look up. His brows furrowed in confusion and he caught your hand before you could completely pass by him. Why were you suddenly upset? He told you he was listening.  

“Hey, wait. What’s wrong? Did I do something?” he asked.

You let him pull you in between his legs. He looked genuinely lost and it was enough to soften your exterior.

“I just feel like you don’t care sometimes,” you said, deciding to just be blunt.

“Huh?” he hummed. “What do you mean?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know…it just seems like you don’t have an interest in anything I have to say if it doesn’t involve hero work, your family, or something like that.”

Todoroki took offense to that. Of course he cared about what you had to say. He loved you. Just because he wasn’t gripping on to every word you spoke in mundane life didn’t mean he didn’t care.

There were ways to express his thoughts, but Shouto wasn’t always the best at gently doing it.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t agree,” he said.

You looked off to the side for a second before looking down at him. “Well that’s how I feel,” you retorted.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but you’re wrong.”

You watched him for a moment, waiting for him to explain himself. However, he just stared back at you as if there was nothing else left to say. The silence was sickening.

You snatched your hand out his grip. “Okay, Shouto,” you bit and left.

He hadn’t heard his first name in a while.

Your boyfriend dumbly blinked already feeling more lost. He didn’t understand why you were so angry.

He called Midoriya about it and was told he was being intolerant. The entire conversation honestly made him feel like an asshole and Todoroki didn’t like that at all. So he gave you some space before finding you in the kitchen again, this time equipped to right his wrongs—even though he still wasn’t entirely sure what he did.

He called your name once and instead of responding, you just kept going about your task. That sort of miffed him, but he tried again. This time, you hummed back but the tension behind it made him feel defensive for some odd reason.

“Can we talk about this morning?”

“What? Are my feelings suddenly valid to you now?” you sarcastically replied.

Todoroki raised a sharp brow at your attitude and decided he was over it already. Here he was trying to apologize, and you were being difficult. He wouldn’t fight with you over something so insignificant.

“Fine. When you’re done with your little tantrum, we can talk about this like adults.”

You’d never spun around so quickly. “Really, Todoroki?”

Last name basis. Petty.

But he was even pettier.

“Yes, really, [L/N].”

His half-lidded bored stare made your scalp prickle.

“Fine. Me and my little tantrum are gonna go somewhere and you can plan the vacation all by yourself like the adult you are.”

“Fine. I’d probably get it done faster anyways.”

You let out an offended gasp. “Fine!”

“Fine!” he tsked, crossing his arms.

You two looked away from one another and stomped out of the room in childish anger.

[lavendercodes]

Miss You

warnings: slight manipulation

fairly short fic

fluff (?), angst - catra x gn!reader

it was hard to keep your composure once you saw her. you hadn’t expected to, it wasn’t like you left the Horde with the intention of seeing anyone from there again. you swallowed your anxiety and turned away from the entrance. you hoped you would get the chance to see her again.

unfortunately, you wouldn’t be as lucky as to have your wish granted. Adora and Glimmer were busy planning something due to Catra’s sudden appearance. and Bow was off having a fun time with Perfuma. you didn’t want to bother him with your anxieties. it would only worry him and it was bad enough you didn’t really fit in with the group.

you needed some fresh air. you looked around and quietly walked out to the balcony. it was dark outside, you could see the bright lights slowly pouring out of the building.

the music was slightly muffled and it kept you somewhat calm. ever since you left the Fright Zone, you had felt weak. you thought it was the best decision, leaving with Adora and joining the rebellion. they were supposed to be the good guys. the Horde was doing so many horrible things, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized that you didn’t fit in with the ‘good guys’.

constantly, you would mess up or say something that didn’t seem very friendly. it would end up with you being scolded by Adora or Glimmer. and every time, it just made you feel more and more useless. you arms rested in the railing as you looked down at the ground.

“(Name).” a smooth voice called out.

your eyes widened and you stiffened. they seemed to notice this as a low chuckle left their lips. you turned around and met gazes with Catra. for a split second, you wanted to wrap your arms around her and next let go. however, you currently didn’t have that option.

“Catra...” you said breathlessly.

the girl approached you, her tail flicking side to side. as she stopped in front of you, it distantly attempted to curl around you out of habit.

“i take it you missed me.” Catra tilted her head to the side, “how precious...”

you squeezed your eyes shut, “please leave me alone.” you said.

Catra carefully lifted her hand to your face. you felt her palms touch your skin and immediately, a comforting sensation flooded your body. as much as you wanted to resist, you could help, but lean into Catra’s touch. she grinned at your lack of resistance to her and caressed your cheekbone a bit more.

“you shouldn’t be here.” you said softly, turning away from her hand.

“and why’s that?” Catra asked.

a sigh left your lips as you turned back to face her. “you know exactly why, Catra. Adora knows you’re planning something.” you said.

“and do you know what i’m planning?” Catra questioned.

there was a moment of hesitation. it was fairly obvious what the plan was. maybe the Rebellion didn’t realize it, but for someone who was trained in the Horde. with Catra, it was easy to find out what the plan was.

“if i had to guess, it would be to kidnap Glimmer or Bow.” you said, “or both.”

Catra smiled, “you always were smart.”

you scoffed and looked down at the stupid, fancy shoes you were wearing. “says you.”

“everyone here thinks i’m useless. i’m not even allowed in on plans because they still think i’ll betray them.” you chuckled, shaking your head.

“that’s how the Princesses are, (Name). you should know this by now.” Catra said.

you nodded in agreement.

the Horde taught you all from a young age how spineless the Princesses were. not caring for anybody, but themselves. when you left the Horde, you realized that their exaggerated tales weren’t that far off from the real story. how they only included people they felt fit in with them, how they left out others they called their friends.

without giving you a chance, they decided that you weren’t trustworthy. even Adora, who you had grown up with, slowly stopped trusting you. it hurt more than you could put into words.

“you could always come back with us.” Catra offered.

your teeth gently sunk into your lower lip, “go back? where i’ll be criticized for leaving in the first place? i’m a traitor, Catra.”

“you made a stupid decision.” Catra’s hand cupped your cheek once more, “we all mess up sometimes.”

once again, you leaned into her touch, but this time you didn’t pull away. her tail carefully curled around your waist and the both of you fell into a comfortable silence. you wanted to go back with Catra. it would be better if you stayed with her, you wouldn’t be judged. you could continue doing what you were trained to do and nothing would feel unnatural.

“i miss you.” Catra said softly.

you blinked a few times. you could hear a genuine tone in her voice. a smile slowly creeped on to your face, even an idiot could tell when they’re being manipulated. however, you really didn’t mind. as long as you could be with Catra again, you didn’t care what had to happen.

“i miss you too.” you whispered.

“will you come back with me?” Catra asked.

just as you were about to answer, Adora walked outside on to the balcony. she saw the both of you and you could see her face shift from confusion to anger. Adora quickly approached you both and pulled you away from Catra. you stumbled behind Adora and barely managed to regain your balance.

“what do you think you’re doing, Catra?”

the girl smirked and shrugged, “simply chatting with a good friend. is there something wrong with that? or is that illegal too?” she teased.

“you’re planning something. i know it.” Adora grumbled.

Catra smirked, “oh i’m sure you’re right.”

“(Name).”

your eyes turned back toward Catra. she winked at you and gave you a small wave before walking away. silence settled around you all as your eyes followed Catra walking back into the castle. Adora turned to face you and grabbed you by the shoulders.

“what are you thinking?” she practically yelled.

you winced, “stop yelling.” you said.

“do you know how dangerous Catra is? it’s already hard enough to trust you, (Name)!”

that’s what set you off.

“trust me?” you scoffed, “we were raised together and suddenly, you drag me away from all that i know to join the Rebellion. a group of idiotic Princesses who have no clue what they’re doing!”

“sorry, that i don’t fit in with your perfect group of sparkly princesses! sorry that i don’t wear a crown, or fancy outfits, or have magic!”

Adora’s eyes widened as she started to process everything you were saying. she hadn’t meant to make you so upset. she was simply frustrated that she couldn’t figure out what Catra was doing. the music inside the castle started to get slower and that was Adora’s signal to go back inside. you pushed past Adora and walked to the other side of the balcony.

she looked back at you one last time before walking back into the castle. your hands clenched tightly around the railing. this was the first time in a long time where you got unbelievably angry.

a sigh left your lips as you realized your grip on the railing. you could still feel the frustration bubbling up inside of you, but you didn’t really have the energy to deal with it. all you wanted to do was get out of that stupid outfit you were wearing and go back home, back to the Fright Zone. you pushed yourself away from the balcony and walked back into the castle.

by that point, everything appeared to be in shambles.

it seemed like Catra’s plan was already taking place. Adora was frozen on the floor and Glimmer was running after Catra. you approached the ice chamber and kneeled down next to Adora. she looked at you and practically pleaded to you with her eyes to release her. you smiled lightly and placed a hand on one of the ice shards.

“i guess you were right about one thing.” you admitted, “i can’t be trusted.”

with that, you got up and walked away from her. it get so refreshing to finally speak your mind. slowly, you rushed out on to one of the other balcony and saw an incapacitated Glimmer being dragged on a ship with Bow. you scanned over them, not being able to find Catra. you assumed she was still doing things around.

Scorpia looked at you and immediately recognized you. “(Name)!” she said excitedly.

you leaned off the edge of the ship a bit as you were headed back for the Fright Zone. admittedly, you were nervous to go back, it had been awhile and you had betrayed them. you looked down at your palms and squeezed them shut out of frustration.

“nervous?” you nodded as you felt a soft tail carefully curl itself around your waist.

“i feel guilty.” you said, “i left everything i had. everything we had all because i thought i could trust Adora. i thought she was right.”

you sighed and shook your head. “i don’t belong in a place full of princesses. they don’t like people different to them. no matter how much i tried to prove myself, they always denied me anything.”

Catra gripped your hands tightly and you turned you body to face her. the look on her face was upset, but it was obvious in her eyes that she held care for you. you chuckled lightly and brought your hand up to Catra’s cheek. she flinched a bit before relaxing and closing her eyes.

“you look good in that suit.” you hummed.

“shut up.” Catra hissed.

she turned to walk away and you burst out laughing, quickly going after her.

“Catra! stop, you know i can keep up with you right?”

“you ruined the moment, (Name).”

“oh, come on! Catra!”

[todomochi-uwu]

Of Unspoken Troubles & Loving You (3/3)

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader

Warnings: Angst

Author’s Notes: Done.

"Don't worry, Toshi. We'll be okay."

Previous parts: First Second Second&Half

Tension filled the entire gymnasium, you could feel it, the players could feel it, the rest of teams could feel it, everyone was gathering around the court, watching as each of the teams gave out their best to try and beat the other.

Anxiety ran through your veins, your shoulders were tense and the need to vomit was becoming more prominent each second it passed, you knew damn well you might have caused all this stupid rivalry, and while an outsider might see it as an over-exaggeration, the thought of someone getting hurt was throwing you over the edge. You could see the face of each and every single one of the boys, you could see the desperation, the nerves, the tiredness; and you couldn't help but pity them, there was nothing left to say, there was no way to convince them, it just simply would be stupid to do it.

The ball flew by leaving each court, points were given and groans let out, sweat covered their entire faces and their breathing so heavy it could be heard across the room; it was already the third set and none of the teams had asked for a time out, no one was giving up. It wasn´t until the mandatory rest at the half of the set that you could finally approach the boys.

"Hey boys, please take it easy. I don't want anyone getting hurt, okay? Please remember this is only a practice match, nothing to lose here." You try and calm them up, passing out water bottles, just as you were making sure everyone was okay, the rigidness of a chest crossed your way.

You looked up and couldn´t help but get flustered at the sight, Ushijima's breathing was heavy and sweat drops ran down his face, he sported the same stoic face as always but the look in his eyes was trying to tell you something, he longed for something and you knew what it was, wondering if you should give in and just comfort him, but once again the words 'Manager, not captain' filled your thoughts, and suddenly the urge washed away. "You are giving your best Ushijima san, but remember not to overwork it, Washijou wouldn´t like for you to pull a muscle." Patting his shoulder, you made your way to the rest of the team.

You were helping Tendou bandage his fingers, which were now red and bloated from all the blocking he had done, every time you would pass the bandages around them he would let out a small hiss, "You know, he didn't mean to be an asshole, he´s sorry for what he did." Tendou mumbled, making you frown "I see, so that´s why you are here apologizing for him." Tendou tried again, "Y/N…" "No, Tendou. I'm more than tired." You got up, finishing the last touches and going next to make sure Goshiki was okay.

-

The rest of the match was even worse, Kenma could barely breath and the look that covered Kuroo's face was one of pure frustration, the board wasn´t looking good for his team, 24-19, and while they had managed to win a set, he didn't think they could get away with the victory.

And while they tried their very best, in the end, it wasn't enough.

Everything was over, and while everyone seemed satisfied enough that the match was over, Kuroo couldn't help as if he had to prove himself to you. Feeling ashamed that even at this moments, Ushijima had managed to surpass him.

"Good job, guys!" You came running with towels and a box full of energy drinks, making sure everyone had one, even Nekoma. After reassuring all of them were okay, you spotted a very tired man sitting by the benches, head low, covered by a white towel and gasping for air still. Kuroo.

You approached him slowly, not wanting to startle him, "Hi." Your voice was small, not knowing how he would react.

He raised his head, the look in his eyes said everything, "Hey."

Few minutes passed by, no one knew what to say next.

"I knew that maybe we didn't stand a chance, but this is a new kind of humiliation." He giggled humourlessly.

"Kuroo…" You tried, before he continued, "I'm not mad at you, it would be stupid to be. I just can't believe that asshole has absolutely everything right in front of his fucking nose and yet he doesn't seem to care." He shook his head, desperation filling his veins, clouding his vision. "Fuck this." He got up and the process he kicked the bench next to him, making his way down the gym.

"Kuroo?" You followed him, worried for what he might do.

His pace didn't stop or faltered, his eyes screamed in fury and his body language indicated only one thing if Ushijima wasn't going to realize by himself how lucky he was, maybe he would have to give him a clue.

Meanwhile, you kept trying to stop him, reason with his logic and the thoughts that fogged his mind, but nothing worked, he was determined to do something.

"Ushijima!" The raw voice filled the hallway, making the miracle boy turn around. His features hardened at the sight of you behind Kuroo; he didn't say anything but didn't back down. "You are a fucking jerk, are you aware of that?"

Nothing you could say or do would change the current situation.

"You. You fucking idiot." His finger pointed directly, coming closer every second. "You have absolutely everything I have been killing myself for, you are monster in volleyball, we get it, but you also got her?" This time the attention was directed at you, making you uncomfortable, "And yet you dare ignore her and treat her like a piece of shit. Who the fuck do you think you are?" He couldn't hold back anymore, pushing his hands against Ushijima's chest, he kept going, not worrying about the consequences, "You don't deserve it, you don't deserve the love she's giving you." The final straw, "And for that, I'll make sure you don't get any more of it."

Snap.

Everything seemed so blurry, one moment to another Ushijima was on top of the middle blocker, punches flying everywhere, curses and threats were thrown and terror swallowed your heart.

Tendou and Reon trying to hold back Ushijima while Bokuto and Lev tried to do the same for Kuroo, it had finally blown up and you couldn't help but feel responsible.

Coaches surrounded the boys, dragging them apart and lecturing them in what just had happened; feeling completely useless you made your way outside, trying to clear your thoughts.

Was all of this necessary? Ushijima might be oblivious and blunt, but you loved him; he was also having a hard time and you knew it, yet decided to go on.

And what about Kuroo? Why did you have to get him involved in your mess? He was doing more than okay, yet you were selfish enough and dragged him.

If it was love, whatever you seemed to be in, why was it so difficult to feel happy? It surely shouldn't be like this, you should be able to communicate all your worries to Wakatoshi, it should not be this difficult, and to this, you worried. Was Ushijima the real problem here, or was there something more to it?

-

Making your way down to the nursery's office, know full well Ushijima and Kuroo would be there, not being quite ready to face them, not knowing what to say or how to act, you just knew you had to see them.

Sitting down on a bench next to the door was Kuroo, he was holding an ice pack to his right cheek and small bandages covered his lips along with some cream covering the small bruises in his nose. The sight of his face alone made your heart feel even heavier. "Hey, cry baby." He mumbled.

"Hey." You sat down, trying to find the right words. "You look like shit." God, why are you like this?

"Yeah? You should see what I did to him." He said lazily, "He doesn't punch as hard as I think he would, do you think he was holding back?" He smirked, before wincing out in pain.

"I am sorry."

He gave you frown, "Why?"

"I dragged you into all this mess, and now you are hurt. It was my mess to deal with and I involved you in it, for that I am sorry."

"You didn't do anything, I decided to be here and while I didn't expect it to turn out this way, I'm glad." He gave you a reassuring smile, cracking a little bit when the pain kicked in once again.

"You are a moron."

He giggled, "Yeah I might be, but I also know about who feels like an even bigger idiot." He sighed, "We had a little bit of a talk, and turns out he is aware of the problem; he owns it completely and is willing to try to make things better, but…"

He hesitated.

"I'm not sure about what you want."

You sighed, shaking your head "To be quite honest I don't know. I mean, I still love him, he's not a bad person and I'm sure he still loves me, but…"

"But…"

"But I'm not sure if it's the best thing to jump into it right away, maybe we should go back a few steps, you know?"

"I completely understand, and I know he will too. Just talk to him, he loves you enough to give you time and space, or to let you go if that's what you want."

Nodding, "I don't want him out of my life."

"And that won't happen but for now tell him how you feel, it'll be okay."

…

"Hey, Kuroo?"

"Yeah?"

"When we first met, you talked about going through the same situation, care enough to explain?"

"Fuck, I did talk about that huh? Well, let's just say I was taken for granted, treated like shit and I went through this spiral of lies and obsessive thoughts that emotionally destroyed me, that made me doubt myself, my friends and every single thing I believed in." He rubbed his hands, looking out the ground, "When I got out of it I felt so empty and dead on the inside I genuinely considered never dating again; it might sound like an overreaction, but I was so numb to the entire world I didn't think love was worth anything. And then, someone came in and made me realise that maybe, just maybe it wasn't my fault, it was my abuser's fault, that I wasn't at fault for giving my all to someone who just drained me, they helped me and now here we are." He looked into your eyes, "Sometimes I wonder if the trauma would have healed faster if they had appeared while I was still in that hell, instead of after. That´s why I felt the urge to help you, and while Ushijima is nowhere an asshole as my ex was, you were hurting and I hated seeing it."

"Kuroo…" Tears filled your eyes, threatening to fall.

"Oh common, please don't cry, I'm on the other side now and everything's okay."

"Do I know them?"

"Huh let's see, they are just as weird as you, but a little bit less annoying I guess." You groaned in annoyance, "I'm kidding, but yes you do know them."

"Aren't you going to tell me?" Before you could continue complaining the nursery's office door opened, and here he was, the giant, buffed, airheaded man you called your boyfriend.

Standing up you met his gaze, there was no coldness in it, no hate, no malice, just pure longing and regret, and your hurt couldn't help but clench. Taking his hand in between yours, you caressed it, making him shiver.

"Don't worry, Toshi. We'll be okay."

…

"So you want to break up?" He furrowed his eyebrows, his hands felt clammy and his breathier became a bit quicker.

"Not quite like that, I think we jump into a relationship way too quickly, we barely even knew each other and even if we have been in this for some months now, we are not working out as we should."

"I will try harder, I swear," He mumbled.

"And I know you will, I trust you to do it, but how about we make our priorities the things we love right now? Like you win those nationals and I focus on getting into university?"

"I didn't know having me impeded your education."

"It's not, but I want to know what's like to look out only for me, to know I'm not chasing anyone, just for a little while."

He nodded, didn't say a word for a few minutes, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel as if you were chasing me. I missed my chance and I understand it. Know that I still love you and will keep on doing it, and I respect your decision of letting things between us end." He vowed and turned around, not sure how to processed what just happened.

"Ushijima." "Yes?" Locking your arms around his waist, looking straight into his eyes and caressing the side of his face, "I am not letting you go, I can't. This is just for me to be able to heal, but I still love you Wakatoshi, please don't forget that."

His arms surrounded your waist, leaning his head against the crook of your neck and nodding, his body shaking slightly "Okay."

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