#I attempted to draw this a few times trust me I did. I'll just have it here like this then. Might attempt again someday

[tubbytarchia]

Embarrassing idea I don't have the capability to visualize the way I imagine it (maybe in the far future lol), but Tango deep in the Decked Out Castle, lights out, mobs frozen in time and him staggering on his feet as he feels the air leave his lungs one last time

"You're still here? It's over."

He fights the need to close his eyelids but as he inevitably does, he finds them weightless afterward, opening them back up with ease, sunny rays greeting him from behind Jimmy's silhouette over him. He says something with a concerned look, holds out his hand and Tango takes it as Jimmy guides them back to the ranch

"Go home."

[parappaadventure2q-a]

READ: @alex-silli-art-corner

tw: suicide, abuse

I'll start this callout by saying that most evidence has been deleted long ago. There is no way to recover most of it, but if I have found any more, I'll add them to this post later. My friendship with him/how it ended.

It started in March of 2024.

Alex had been a member of a discord server, and had a tumblr account where he answered asks as Katy Kat. (Keep this in mind, as sometimes he will be shown as Katy Kat rather than Alex) He then asked for a vent channel to be created in the discord, where he would post frequently about how he was going to kill himself. (this is important later)

He started to DM me about him killing himself, so I started to support him. He would then message me about normal stuff, with him telling me he was suicidal every now and then. I talked with him, because every time I didn't talk to him, he would say i'm ignoring him on purpose.

Around that time, someone else in the server was banned for drawing CP of him and Alex. (both him and Alex were minors at the time.) Everyone in the server told Alex that this person was not a good influence on him, but he ignored us.

As it turns out, he did not cut off this person, (the name that's in blue) and kept being in a relationship with them.

This would continue for a long time. Alex would tell me he would kill himself, I would try to talk him out of it, and he would be fine the next day.

He said he had epilepsy, but those claims are unconfirmed as he has watched the Um Jammer Lammy cutscenes multiple times, which have flashing lights most of the time. If I remember correctly, he would use this to guilt us even more, with us not even being allowed to send any gifs. That would be understandable, if he didn't refuse to turn on Discord's accessibility feature that pauses gifs.

In his Katy Kat ask blog, he drew a lot of gore of Katy Kat. Some of these are deleted, but you can still find some on his account of Katy missing an eye, with bruises and bandages on her. I am not okay with gore, but I kept talking to him because he was suicidal.

All of my friends cut him off though, except for a stray few who I assume didn't know what he did.

When I cut him off:

About a month ago if I can remember, one of my friends showed me screenshots of Alex saying that one of his suicide attempts was a lie. He had apparently made a joke about him killing himself, and the two people there were telling him it wasn't funny and to not say that. This screenshot was taken a while back, and I didn't see the convo back then. Seeing this, I decided to cut off Alex entirely, because I couldn't trust if what anything he said was true. On top of that, I looked back at everything he'd done, and decided that I wasn't going to talk to him, ever again. He kept trying to contact me.

I noticed how guilt trippy all of his messages were. In fact, most of the time, he was guilt tripping all of us.

This is his last tumblr message to me before I blocked him.

He kept trying to contact me on other websites, such as Reddit.

I had sent him a message telling him he was in the wrong, and that we would never be friends again. This message was deleted, as he threatened to share it with one of my closest friends.

As for the IP address thing, I had posted this meme to Reddit and Tumblr using a fake copypasta that was a lot of information. It's a meme about leaking someones info, but all of this isn't real. It's taken from a copypasta website. In fact, it's this one.

Alex interpreted this as me posting his IP address publically, something I would never do, (yet as you read, it's something he would do to someone else.)

I did not, and will not post someone's IP address publicly. Yet he thought I posted his, even though it isn't hard to look at your own address, and compare it to this meme.

What caused me to make this post.

This happened just today. I was sent an ask clearly written by Alex containing my personal information to me.

Alex. If you're reading this, which I know you are. This wasn't okay. You're putting my life in danger. You're putting other's lives in danger. You're putting my family's life in danger. Why would I want to be friends with a guilt tripper?

Why would I want to be friends with someone who leaks other's information?

Why would I want to be friends with someone who draws gore of my favorite characters?

Why would I want to be friends with a liar?

None of this is okay. You were, and still are, the worst thing that's happened to me.

You don't deserve happiness.

I ask anyone who's been affected by him, to please speak up. Don't sit there in silence like you have all this time. I know he's done awful things to you. Please, if you can, tell me what he's done to you. Nobody should have to go through what he's put me through, and I'm sure that he's done something similar to you.

Sorry for being a bit rude to him in this post, but I don't care.

[writersdrug]

Ghost x Reader x Konig: I Don't Need You (Ch. 7)

<- Previous - Next ->

Summary: It's time for your first mission working with Kortac. You're stuck reminiscing on the past, accidentally drawing similarities between it and the present. Additionally, you see a new side of Konig.

Chapter Warnings: Smut, semi-public sex, cursing, gore, blood, violence, bad attempts at using military terms (listen I tried to do my best researching this but obviously I ain't in the army)

Notes: Hey! Procrastination is a thing... and it had me in a chokehold these last few weeks. But - and I know I say this often - hopefully I'll get something else posted either tonight or tomorrow. Thanks for your patience and your kind comments - I love hearing them!

Ghost dragged me by the hand through the airplane hanger, making me stumble to keep up with him. He walked with purpose in his step, his eyes focused on his own thoughts. I bit my lip as I jogged behind him, excitement bubbling in my veins. He had sent me the usual “you up?” text – now, we were running around, trying to find a secluded but dangerously public place to satisfy our urges; something that was beginning to become a weekly occurrence.

He stopped in front of the ramp to the C-130 – one of the largest airplanes on base, used for carrying soldiers before they were airdropped. I looked at him with a confused expression.

Ghost was already looking at me, waiting for my reaction. He tilted his head towards the plane suggestively, gripping my hand tighter.

I suddenly understood what he was hinting at. “On a plane?!” I said with disbelief. “It’s not even in the air, what’s the point?”

Ghost huffed. “You said you wanted something other than my bed.” He replied with an accusatory tone. “What did you expect, your bed?”

I grimaced. Imagining Soap in the room across the hall, listening to me and Simon – and most likely getting off to it – it was the last thing I wanted to happen. “No… but an airplane?”

“Just trust me, ok?” Ghost tugged my hand, leading me onto the aircraft. “Bloody picky, you are.”

“I’m not picky, I just have common sense…” I muttered. Ghost ignored me.

I scowled as he dragged me further into the cargo hold. We moved towards the back, which was rather cramped, even though it was empty. Ghost sat down on one of the seats, close to the cockpit, and spread his legs. The space was small and awkward, and only allowed his left knee to move a few inches. He grumbled, getting up and moving down a seat, where he finally spread his legs apart. He finished the display with a smirk behind his mask, leaning back into the seat.

I watched the entire thing with my arms folded over my chest. “This is ridiculous…” I muttered, turning back towards the ramp.

“Why?” Ghost asked, slightly offended. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to face him.

I gestured to him, huffing out a laugh. “Just - this! There isn’t enough room for the both of us, the door’s wide open, so someone could just walk in and – “

“They’re not going to see us, Bonnie.” Ghost pulled me by the backs of my thighs and down onto his lap. I grabbed his shoulders as I felt myself sliding off of him, and he gripped my hips to hold me in place. “Relax, love.” He drawled.

For a moment, my heart stuttered. It was the first time he had called me something so endearing… although it was probably force of habit. I stilled my heart – it was never good when it got too involved in anything.

“If we do get caught-“

“I’ll pull rank.” Ghost stated matter-of-factly. He sat on the edge of the seat, allowing me to shuffle closer to his torso. He held my hips down as he slowly pushed his own into me, sending arousal shooting through my abdomen and making me gasp at the feeling. He pushed his balaclava above the bridge of his nose, then pulled me down by the nape of my neck and captured my lips in a kiss.

I moaned into the kiss in satisfaction; his hands on my hips and the taste of him – cigarettes and the whiskey he’d downed earlier that night – felt like a reward after the long day. I ground my hips against his crotch, feeling his hard length straining through the fabric of his cargo pants. He let out a low, guttural groan, running his hand further up my back. In a second, I raised my arms over my head, and he pulled my shirt off, tossing it somewhere in the aircraft.

He looked at me for a moment, kneading the flesh at my hips as his eyes danced over my skin. “You changed your mind rather quickly.” He said with a cocky grin.

“Shut up…” I replied.

Ghost quickly smacked the side of my ass, making me yelp in surprise. He then grabbed my chin, not roughly, but enough to capture my attention. I stared at him with wide eyes.

“Care to try that again?” he asked in a cautioning tone.

“’M sorry!” I said quickly through smushed cheeks.

“’Sorry’ what?”

“’M sorry, sir.”

“Atta girl…” he drawled in a deep voice, before releasing my chin. I couldn’t stop the needy whine that came from my throat. I started grinding my hips on his crotch again, urging Ghost to continue.

He chuckled. “Pretty little slut – do you need me?” he asked, and I immediately nodded. “Use your words, love. Tell me what you want.”

I felt myself clenching around nothing at his deep, gravelly voice. “I- I want you inside me, Ghost.” I admitted quietly.

Ghost clicked his tongue. “Didn’t catch that, doll. Speak up for me.”

I fought a scowl rising in my throat. “I want you to fuck me.” I stated firmly. Normally, I wouldn’t stand for being humiliated like this – except I wasn’t standing. I was straddling Ghost’s lap, grinding on him like a bitch in heat, and following his every order like my life depended on it. And, honestly… I wouldn’t have had it any other way. And I would never fold like this, or let myself be bossed around, for any other man – not in a million years.

Ghost laughed. “Well, before we get that far…” he began unbuttoning my pants, igniting the fire in my lower abdomen. I bit my lip impatiently, watching his hands take their sweet fucking time as they worked down the zipper.

“… I need to get you ready f’me, yeah?” Ghost said teasingly. In the next moment, he pulled down the waistband of my underwear and slid two fingers past my clit.

I sucked in a short breath between my teeth, digging my nails into Ghost’s shoulders as he flicked his fingers over my clit. There was no rhyme or reason to the rhythm, making each flick send jolts of pleasure from my cunt and into my chest.

“Goddamn, there you go…” Ghost cooed as he watched my face contort from the pleasure.

“Bonnie?”

I started bucking my hips as Ghost traced along my lips, groaning as he watched me unravel myself above him. I could tell he was getting off from my obedience – the way I threw my stubbornness to the wind whenever he had control of me was like a drug to him.

“Hey, Bonnie-“

“Look at you.” He commented. I opened my eyes when I heard him unbuckling his belt. I looked down at him – I could see his pupils had dilated, and he was now panting in desire. Even he couldn’t wait any longer.

“Fucking finally…” I whispered.

“Quiet.” He ordered as he pushed his pants down his legs. He pulled out his-

“Bonnie!”

My eyes widened as I was snapped back to the present. I had been staring – glass-eyed and pupils blown wide – at the exact same seat Ghost and I had sat in earlier. Except, I wasn’t on that same plane. I was on Kortac’s C-130 as it flew us out to the mission point.

I looked to my left – Konig was bent over, hands on his knees, staring at me with a confused expression.

“You alright?” he asked. “Is the mini-you in your head bothering you?”

I scoffed. He hasn’t let me live that down ever since I mentioned it. “I’m fine, Colonel. Just tired.”

He straightened up, towering above me at his usual, freakish height. “Well wake up. We’re almost there. Let’s see if you’re as good as Ridgeback says you are.” He then walked away, pulling out his tablet and fiddling with it. It looked comically small in his hands.

Roze shifted in the seat next to me. “Don’t let him get to you. He’s always bossy right before we rendezvous. Gets him in the game, I think.” She tightened her tactical vest around her waist.

“I’d hate to see him on a bad day…” I mutter in her direction.

“You and me both. Imagine a bear, with a gun, on- I don’t know, cocaine or something…” She replied, earning a chuckle from me.

I looked back at Konig. He sat down in the same seat I was staring at moments before. He leaned back, resting his head against the wall and spreading his legs wide. He placed his hands on his thighs. He breathed deeply, like he was trying to calm his nerves. I dragged my eyes over his form – he was huge – I never really paid attention to just how large he really was. He was lean, slightly on the more muscular side, but he had to be pushing… six-eight? Six-nine? I looked at the girth of his thighs. I imagined what it would feel like to straddle his lap… Would it be comfortable? I thought about how Ghost and I had sat in that seat… Except I imagined Konig in Ghost’s position, his large hand on the small of my back, his torso against mine, his fingers in my-

Fuck. I was getting in over my head. I had to stop.

Konig looked at me, his head still leaning against the wall, locking his eyes with mine.

FUCK. I turned my head away quickly – too quickly. I can’t do this. I can’t let this happen again. I pointed my head down at my feet, pretending the floor was more interesting than Konig.

Don’t do this. Don’t do this, y/n. Remember how bad it ended last time? Why you ended up working for Kortac in the first place? You don’t want that again. Just focus on the mission. Focus on your job.

When I looked back at Konig, he was looking at the ceiling. I thought, if I concentrated enough, that I could see his brow furrowed under his mask. His hands were still on his thigs, but they were now tense, gripping at his thick muscles through his pants. His fingers were long, rough, and sturdy, his nails were short… I couldn’t help but drift back to the image of them plunged into my-

Konig’s eyes darted towards mine.

I huffed and looked away again, at the opposite end of the plane. Fucking get it together… I felt my face flushing – as long as I didn’t look in his direction, he wouldn’t see it… right?

I sighed. I need to be spayed…

-----

“Briefing hostages. Stand-by ‘til further notice.” Roze’s voice echoed over the comms. She, Juno, Oni, and Zero had made it to the hostages. Castillo had helped get them there smoothly, and now it was up to Konig, Horangi, O’Connor, Fender, and I to finish taking out the check points. Majka, Ridgeback’s second-in-command and our current operator, had cut comms for the enemy. Konig and Horangi had already started clearing their checkpoints – there wasn’t much coming from their end of the comms, so I assumed they were managing fine.

I made it to the top of the tower I was in, hiding behind the wall outside of the checkpoint I needed to clear. The entire location of the rendezvous was run down – possibly an old, abandoned power plant. The buildings were in a deteriorating state, making it slightly harder to work my way closer to the enemy soldiers in the room. But I was good at being quiet, so I managed.

I carefully peered around the edge of the doorway – the hallway outside of the room was dark enough to conceal me from the soldiers. Two were positioned outside of another wing in the room; one was facing forwards, staring at the room in front of him and guarding the door at his side. The other was looking out the window, completely ignoring the room he was supposed to be guarding. Inside the room appeared to be three more soldiers, two of them sitting at a computer and bitching about the comms being broken, and the third tweaking his sniper foxhole.

They’re a mess… I thought to myself. I smirked, knowing this would be an easy take-down.

“Bonnie to Majka. I’m engaging.” I said into my comms.

A few moments of silence before he responded. “Clear, sergeant. Give ‘em hell.”

“Copy.”

I took a few deep, quick breaths, flooding the oxygen into my blood and keeping the adrenaline at bay. I jumped around the corner and sank a knife into a soldier’s neck. He gurgled and dropped his gun. Another soldier turned at the commotion – I ripped the same knife from the first body and threw it. Rather than shank him, the edge sliced across his jugular. He barely had enough time to lift his gun before he collapsed, grabbing his throat. I grabbed his body as it fell, quietly guiding it to the floor. I picked up my knife and sank to my heels, pressing myself against the wall. The doorway to the next room was to my left. I exhaled silently. In a swift moment, I snatched one of the fallen soldier’s gun and shouldered it. Never hurts to have another one.

I heard the guards in the other room, alerted by the sounds of the struggle. One of them rounded the corner – I hid in the shadow, waiting until he had fully stepped beyond the other room. I used my knife to slash across each of his Achilles tendons, easily cutting past the material of his boot. He fell with a loud cry – I quickly used the butt of my gun by bashing it against his head, knocking him out in two hits.

I saw one of the remaining two guards in the room through the doorway. I quickly threw my knife at him and lodged it in his neck, but not before he managed to pull the trigger on his gun. He fired a few shots as he went down, gun pointed at the ceiling and ricocheting off of the concrete. Before the last soldier could react, I quickly turned into the doorway, shooting him dead in the face with my gun. He flopped against the back of the wall, body twitching for a moment, before he went still.

I turned back around, looking at the third soldier, lying on the ground. I fired one last shot into his head, ensuring he was dead.

I exhaled heavily. Not my smoothest work, but still timely.

I stood in place, assessing the damage around me. The strong scent of iron began to overtake the room, blood seeping from each body. I pulled my knife out of the fourth soldier’s neck, wiping the blood off against his sleeve and sheathing it. I sighed and began scavenging through the bodies for anything useful.

“Bonnie, how copy?” Majka’s thick accent filtered through the comm.

“Checkpoint two cleared.” I responded. I ripped out the magazine from a gun identical to the one I stole, shoving it into my vest. “Upgrading my inventory a bit.”

“You just got started!” he said, a bit frustrated and shocked.

I gave the room a last glance. “And? I just got finished. What’s my next move?”

There was a brief pause. “O’Connor, how copy?”

The click of O’Connor’s comm came on, followed by the sounds of struggling and muffled punches and hits. “Fender and I are still occupied!” he grunted.

“Roze, position status.”

“Package secured, hostages briefed.” Roze’s voice was hushed.“Ready to move, and enemies inbound towards us.”

“Castillo, how copy?”

“One klick out, ready in FFP. Waiting for target.” Castillo responded.

“O’Connor?!”

“Busy!!” O’Connor said, irritated; the faint sounds of gunshots firing echoed in the background.

“Majka, this is Bonnie:” I said quickly among the commotion. “Sir, I’m in range to follow the package from here. I can clear the path with Castillo, I’ve got eyes up to the objective rally point.”

I heard a disgruntled sigh on the other end of the channel. “You don’t have your sniper rifle, Bonnie.” He said.

“My checkpoint had a foxhole. I’m set up with one.” I looked around me; the walls separating me from the outside weren’t that thick, but they would be enough to hide me. “I’ve got decent cover, too.”

“For fucks sake…” Majka sighed into the comm. “Then get on it.”

Immediately, I kneeled beside the sniper rifle the one soldier had been adjusting. I tweaked its position, changing its trajectory until I was satisfied. I unshouldered both of my guns, before sitting in front of the rifle and getting comfortable. I angled it until I saw the building where the hostiles were being kept in my scope.

“I’m in FFP.” I relayed over my comms. “Ready on your command, Majka.”

“Copy.” Majka replied. “Roze, you’re clear to move.”

I watched closely through my scope as Roze exited the building, followed by the hostages and the rest of the team. She led the group, Juno and Zero covering the sides, and Oni covering their six.

“Bonnie, Castillo, talk to me.” She said quietly.

“I eliminated three hostiles on your path, clear to move forward.” Castillo’s voice echoed.

I focused on the area to Roze’s nine ‘o clock. Three enemy soldiers were slowly making their way towards her – I quickly fired at them, taking two of them down with a single bullet as they were lined up perfectly. The third one ducked down, frantically scanning around to find where the bullet had come from. I aimed my crosshair at him and pulled the trigger at him – he dropped to the ground within the same second.

“Three more eliminated. Your nine is clear.” I said to Roze.

“Copy.” She replied.

I continued to scan ahead of their path with my scope. A few times, Juno and Oni fired to the right of the group, followed by a few shots from Castillo. I knocked out two more targets on their left. The rest of the path went smoothly, and they made it to the exfil point. I scanned what parts of the area I could see from my window, searching for any rogue soldiers that might be left. O’Connor and Fender had finished clearing their checkpoint by then. After a few more minutes of that, and the “ok” from Majka to pack up, it was clear that there wasn’t anyone left on the field besides the Kortac team members.

“Well, that was sloppy on their part.” I commented.

“Ridgeback said it would be.” Majka replied. “Said the hostiles were a big enough gang that ended up with powerful weapons, and just wanted some cash. Kidnapped an easy bunch of relatives of a government official. Probably thought they had a chance.”

I chuckled. “So the payout won’t be great, I’m assuming?” I shouldered my guns, grabbing the sniper rifle and exiting the room.

“Don’t be so sure about that…” Juno piped into the conversation, shouting over the sound of the helicopter blades. “Europeans officials are loaded. Plus, they typically pay a lot to save their reputation.”

“You mean their families?”

“Potato, potahto.” Juno replied.

The rest of us reconnected at the exfil point. As with most of the teams I had gone on missions with, I was the cleanest out of everyone. O’Connor and Fender looked tired and worn, blood splattering their uniforms, dropping their guns with their bags and collapsing onto the seats of the aircraft. Horangi, cleaner than some, seemed to be riding off of an adrenaline high, clapping everyone on their backs and declaring a mission well done – despite that it had been a rather easy one.

I dropped myself onto a seat and looked at my hands, only painted with a few smears of blood. I then leaned my head back against the wall. I thought of what I could have done better. I could have caught the one soldier sooner before he hit the ground – that would’ve kept the others from being alerted. I could have been quicker shooting the last one. Cutting the guys heels… that was flashy. Unnecessary. Same for throwing my knife the second time. I could have just shot the last two. Would have made things quicker.

Suddenly, I heard heavy bootsteps climbing the ramp to the plane. I casually opened one of my eyes, then the other, staring in shock.

Konig dragged himself up the ramp. He was covered in bloodstains, across his vest, his mask, his pants – he held his gun, the end of it spattered in blood. His knuckles were tight under his gloves as he clutched the barrel of the gun in one hand, the other hanging by his side. His shoulders were tense, heaving up and down with each, heavy breath, and his body language was laced with venom.

His eyes were the worst part; they peered through his mask, wide and blood-shot. They were dripping with a post-massacre adrenaline. They stared directly ahead as he appeared to calm himself. He looked like a wild animal that had just killed its prey – for fun.

He ripped out his mags and tossed his gun into the pile, taking a seat directly across from me and grabbing his tablet. He began aggressively punching the buttons on it, his eyes still sinister and cold. He muttered under his breath in German, his voice low and gravelly.

I shivered slightly, before looking away from him and back at the ceiling. Is this what Roze was talking about? I thought.

---

Taglist: @igotmajordaddyissues @princekonig @vixionix

Let me know if you'd like to be added!! ^^^

[klikandtuna]

2024 FIC ROUNDUP

Oooookay I barely know what I’m doing here but I’ll give it a shot. 😁

What fandoms do you write in?

It’s allllll Good Omens. After S2 broke my brain, I started sending tiny snippets of fic ideas to a couple of friends, which over the course of a few months really snowballed beyond any pretense of control. I’m gone, y’all. This is my life now.

How many words have you published in 2024?

WELL this number is about to jump with the posting of Find Every Sky next week, but at this moment I’m sitting at

✨758,377✨

Which is pretty cool! To be fair, a good chunk of that was written before I had joined AO3 (it took those couple of friends about six months to convince me to join up), so it wasn’t all written this year, though certainly most of it was.

What is your greatest achievement this year?

Aside from actually joining the fandom at all, this award definitely goes to the TWENTY-TWO CONSECUTIVE WEEKS, May-October, in which I posted TWO CHAPTERS PER WEEK without missing a single update. Find the Light and Sky Clear Blue were written back-to-back without any break inbetween, and while the schedule for SCB got a little dicey for a while, my beta-reader and I managed to keep that Tuesday/Friday ride going allllll the way to the end. Pretty proud of that.

What are your top three favorite fics you wrote this year?

This is so unfair because they’re all my babies 😭😭 I pour so much of myself into everything I write that I really hate choosing favorites, buuuuut I’ll try.

When You Go (101k Reverse Omens, complete but there’s a sequel coming, rated E)

My human AUs receive by far the most attention (and I’m not complaining!), but I want to give some love to my Reverse-Omens fic because I’m pretty darn proud of it. Each chapter bounces back and forth between an ongoing present-day storyline and anecdotes from their past, and it was my first attempt at switching tenses for effect (which I really got the hang of in Sky Clear Blue, haha). I feel like I really nailed the characterizations here, and it was a joy to a) flesh out the Starmaker as the Seraph Baraqiel and let him be his full glorious self, and b) experiment with what the Fall might do to someone as sweet as Aziraphale; while I did give him the demon name Azazel, I did NOT make him a goat demon because frankly that’s all wrong for him. I went a different direction and it’s FRIGGIN COOL, Y’ALL ☺️

Sky Clear Blue (289k human AU, complete, rated E)

Obviously 💛 Time travel, coming out, the beautiful transformative power of love. My biggest piece to date, started as a tiny seed and germinated into something really beautiful. Also at some point I started illustrating every chapter which was a real game-changer, and makes me feel a weird obligation to KEEP DOING THAT for all of my fics.

Naked and Afraid: Jingle Hell (24k human AU, complete, rated T but only for, like, mildly suggestive themes)

Okay my new favorite thing EVER is to take an extremely silly premise and make you FEEL THINGS 🥰 "Aziraphale and Crowley are participants on Naked and Afraid" is not a thing I would have expected to be received with joy and tears, but here we are, and I'm very very happy with how this one turned out.

What was your biggest Pit of Despair moment?

...That's awfully dramatic, but I guess when the SCB posting schedule was really catching up to me and writing was more of a HAVE TO thing instead of a just-for-fun thing. But that didn't last long, and it never got to the point where I wasn't enjoying myself. Writing is a real passion of mine and I'm having the time of my life with these fics.

What have you learned?

Honestly...I've learned that I can do this. I really can. I can take an idea, just the tiniest glimmer of silver in the aether, and follow it and draw it out and spin it into something magnificent. I can write things that make people Feel (including myself!). When I reach, the story is there, and I can trust that I'll find it as I go along.

I've also learned that a good beta-reader is worth their weight in gold, rubies, mithril, any incredibly valuable thing, and that it's okay to open myself up to criticism, and that accepting suggestions from someone smart and articulate and caring makes my writing soooo much better.

What fic did you want to do, but never made it off the ground?

The Naked and Afraid piece would have been my answer here, except I found a way to make it happen 😁 I have a bunch of half-formed, nebulous ideas floating around, but really I've just been going for the stories that I want to tell. I guess we could count the When You Go sequel here, haha. As soon as I've had some time to absorb and process Season 3, the sequel is ON

Did you beta any fics? Any faves you want to give shout out?

I kiiiiinda did one soft beta-type-thing just last week, but that was my very first time! I'm usually soooo busy with my own projects that I barely have time to read anything anyone else writes, much less offer thoughtful feedback. Maybe one day...

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

See just above — I don't have the tiiiiiiime. I did read For Loving One by @thescholarlystrumpet and it was gorgeous (she even embedded a piece of fan art I did in one of the chapters, which was very exciting for me), and I read Love, Uh, Finds a Way by @heretic1103 which was a delight, annnnnd oh! oh! I stumbled upon Lay Thee Sinner, 'Neath the Cross and Pole by @thenerdalert and have been enjoying the updates!

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Okay NOW I'm excited, because as I mentioned above, I've got a brand-spankin'-new BIG multichapter human AU on the waaaaay and the first chapter is going to drop on December 31! The title is In His Hand a Burning Coal and it has officially consumed my entire heart. Can't WAIT to start sharing this one. It's tapped into some deeeeep, lifelong reservoirs of love and nerdy passion for me, and I think that comes through in the writing.

ALSO, in late February we're going to do something REALLY FUN. What do y'all think about a Choose Your Own Adventure FANFIC?? Like, I post a poll with options for the next chapter, you vote, and I write in the direction of the winning option? I'm super excited to give this a try. I do dearly love a good prompt, and if we can get a bunch of people in on the voting action I think it'll be an absolute blast. Soft and sweet? Hysterical crack? Enemies-to-lovers or a tooth-rotting meet-cute? ALL OF THE ABOVE??? YOU choose! 😃

Is there anyone you'd like to thank?

First and foremost, always, I thank @suzypfonne. A random comment on one of my fics has become a friendship I treasure dearly. She's smart, she's funny, she's deeply kind and caring and generous, and she's the best friggin' beta-reader I could imagine. She has made me a better writer, and I'm always excited to turn over a doc to her. 💛💛

Huge thanks as well to @sparklyshinymagpie, who messaged me out of the blue one day to say "hey I could help code the social-media stuff in your fic, if that's something you'd be interested in." HOLY SHIT YES. She has put a huge amount of time and work into making my stories so much prettier, and our next project will be compiling the PDFs for my big stories so I can finally make print copies available for purchase! She is VERY talented and patient and I APPRECIATE HER VERY MUCH

I'm also tremendously grateful to @e-rated-beardo for the unspeakably gorgeous gift that is this incredible recording of the titular song from Sky Clear Blue. One of the lovliest gifts I've EVER been given!

And a final thank-you to @lolalu16 for her tireless cheerleading. They sometimes get early access to chapters, just because I like them 😁

OKAY this was fun but also took forever, haha. I'd love to read others' posts on this subject, so feel free to go for it!

[a-star-that-burns-brightly]

CH2-14 Thoughts

So! CH2-14, huh? This episode has been our longest in the series yet, and it has used that time incredibly efficiently, especially given it is the penultimate episode before our culprit reveal. I don't think there's much to start with, really. Let's jump right into it :D

SWEAR STATISTICS (ch2-13)

BINGO CARD

Nico

DT-Dev needs to stop drawing Nico so handsome when they're in the middle of killing someone. this has happened twice now, I am very concerned.

Nico is probably the character I have the least to say about overall, but I still think it's fair to start with them. For one, we finally got the reveal of Nico's true murder plan! I...still personally do not understand why they didn't just garrote the man from the beginning, but it's nice to finally have some answers. Nico confessing to not trusting anyone in the killing game as well as their whole speech later on is honestly very based, if I was in their shoes I'd probably not see the point in pretending to be guilty either, and I really do think it was the most mature way to respond to this situation as a whole. Nico is probably one of the more logically-driven in the cast (when Ace isn't up their ass, anyway), so it makes a lot of sense to me that this is the conclusion they'd come to.

(x) Nico: I… I just can't stand being treated like that. My teachers, my classmates, my father… I don't ever want to relive what they did to me.

Furthermore, we also learned that their father was also in on the abuse and transphobia they received, and this combined with how Levi talked about his father in the previous episode, it's just daddy issues across the board huh? Guess DT-Dev had to make up for J's mom angst somehow lmao. But in all seriousness, the fact that Nico more than likely had no one be there for them during those times is probably part of why they drifted more towards animals, besides the fact that there's no social rules with animals. (...has anyone put alien blues by vundabar on a nico playlist? I'm getting sidetracked.)

There is also a lot I could say about Nico's predominant male figure subjecting them to such treatment and how that relates to their relationship with Ace and Ace in general, but I'll leave that for a future post. All I'll say for right now is to look up VeryWellMind's page on toxic masculinity and observe how many points relate back to Ace :3

(x) Nico: I don't expect you to forgive me. Very few people ever do. So I don't see the point in acting sorry.

The last thing I really want to mention when it comes to Nico is this line, specifically the bolded text, because... am I wrong to think this is a very strange thing to say in the context of talking about your attempted murder? I've seen people say that this could be in reference to Nico's blunt way of speaking, but I feel like that doesn't fit in with this context, and the wording itself feels too dramatic for that to be the case. I feel like Nico has resorted to violence against their bullies before. I don't think it ever got as severe as the situation with Ace, but if only a few days of abuse caused Nico to choose violence, I think its almost a guarantee that they resorted to violence a few times during the years they were abused by their peers. Would certainly explain those weird ass bandages around their upper arms. anyway Nico, I adore you very much despite your bullshit murder plan. can't wait to see where you go :) (also is it fair to say that the theories of literally anyone else committing Ace's attempted murder are de-confirmed now? Like I don't think you could get a greater confirmation than the first thirteen minutes of this episode lmao)

Hu

...Oh yikes. So I have defended Hu on a few occasions, talking about how she is just defending Nico and that her behavior towards them is completely normal. And I think I must take advantage of my minimal gag reflex and gulp down that L because lord have fucking mercy.

First and foremost

(x) Hu: You’re trying to paint them as the villain just because they lost their temper at Ace once!

(x) Hu: If Arei died of a stab wound, it would be wrong for me to say you did it.

Both of these lines were fucking crazy of her lmao. Absolutely nonsensical, she is so annoying /affectionate

Second and secondmost, Hu so clearly projecting her own emotions and feelings onto Nico so that they can look weak and small and thus have to rely on her and clinging onto that perception when it continues to falter is so fucking delicious. The way I worded that makes it seem like I think Hu is being malicious, I do not, but also that is literally what she is doing, and furthermore it is not working. This episode alone brought Hu in my mind to a high-c tier, to a high b-tier because there is nothing I love more in this world than fictional women being awful. And now that I have that all typed out, I can't help but realize that this sounds very familiar...

Oh! That's right!

...Man Hu, I get that it's across the color wheel, but you really like to foil with people in red. Yeah, I think that Acevi and Huco are meant to be parallels of each other relationship wise. Both of them feature someone (Ace and Hu) projecting a certain identity onto a stranger (Levi and Nico) to satisfy their own emotional needs and their reactions when those fantasies crumble beneath them. The dynamic between Ace and Hu is so delicious to me and I think should be explored more in the fandom. Not just because they somehow manage to give divorced spouses vibes despite one of the two being gay, but because I think the way that they foil, how they are different in contrast with how they're similar in typical DRDT fashion, adds so much to both of their characters and their relationships with the others. And I'm also glad that I at least have two more, count-em two, more parallels between Nico and Levi. I will keep spreading my Levco agenda until the day I die.

Okay but, though I've kind of been taking the piss out of Hu during this section, I do actually feel very bad for her. Especially if Eden is the culprit, because Hu and Eden have shown to be close on multiple occasions, and I could not imagine witnessing the gruesome execution of someone you love after pretty much dealing with two betrayals back-to-back. And I guess since we're here I should clarify that I do not think Hu, or anyone else except the two suspects we land on in this episode, are responsible for Arei's murder. Third Party Theory seems to hinge entirely on the idea that someone other than Nico attempted to kill Ace, and as I've said before I don't think that's the case. And given the fact that we have at least 40 minutes left of the overall case, I can't really see a way from a writer's perspective to throw in such a major final twist with an entirely different character without it feeling rushed. I'm sure DT-Dev could pull it off, but just on concept, not sure how it could work and also if Eden really is the culprit, Hu is 1000% going to try and take her place as the optimistic mood-lifter, and I need to see that outside of my imagination

There isn't much else for me to add, really, part from the fact that I am very excited to see how Hu's character progresses and how her relationships with the cast progress. ... ...hey can we count Hu and Nico as toxic yur--

Ace

Funny thing, I originally was not going to give Ace his own section in this post. But I decided I would anyhow for two reasons 1. Ace is a very fun character to analyze And 2. I get to once again talk about how much of a fucking liar this man is lmao

(x) Ace: Who’s gonna stick up for me, huh? No one. Because I have a spine and I don’t need other people to lie to me constantly to keep me happy.

[Pictured: Doesn't need other people to lie to him constantly to keep him happy]

(x) Nico: What else should I say? Ace: W— "What else should I say"?? Ace: You tried to murder me. You fucking tried to murder me! And after all's said and done, you can't even say something as simple as "sorry"?!

I love this jockey the best when he is gaslighting himself. We obviously know that Ace does, in fact, need people to lie to him to keep him happy. And I don't just mean that in the context of Levi and Nico. Ace has a very antagonized view of everyone in the cast

(x) Ace: -but now they apparently also have a fucking defense brigade to shield them from even having to think about the fact that they're a murderer.

the only person defending them was Hu

And that view of his classmates, to me anyway, is very intentionally cultivated by Ace himself. He is very aware that how he's behaving is wrong, and he is clearly not happy about it

(x) Ace: You think I act like this for fun, and then I go to bed and sleep soundly at night, you dumb piece of shit?

Ace doesn't like the fact that he is being rude to otherwise innocent people, but at the same time, he knows that any of these innocent people could stab him in the back without a second thought, like Levi. So Ace demonizes the cast in his head so that he can emotionally distance himself from them, and as such, will feel less bad about treating them like shit. As a certain indie game that had its nine year anniversary once said: The more you distance yourself, the less you will hurt. The more easily you can bring yourself to hurt others.

Ace does need people to lie to him to keep him happy. Which brings me to his role in this whole scene with Nico which just- I love. So much.

It is so, so funny to me that Ace is putting this pressure on Nico to give an apology. And why is that? Ace treats both Nico and Levi in pretty much the same way, incredibly volatile even more so than the rest of the cast. And that makes a lot of sense given his relationship with both characters and how both of them have threatened his safety. But there is one key difference between his interactions with both of these people

(x) Levi: Ace, I already said— Ace: "Sorry" won't cut it. You know that's just a word you say, right? You think that saying two syllables is going to make me forget how you acted yesterday at that trial?

(x) Ace: You tried to murder me. You fucking tried to murder me! And after all's said and done, you can't even say something as simple as "sorry"?!

With Levi, he repeatedly denies and mocks his apologies. With Nico, it's almost like Ace wants them to apologize to him. But why is that? Ace certainly cares less about what Nico thinks compared to Levi, so why does he necessarily care whether or not Nico apologizes to him? You could say it's because the severity of what both of these people did to Ace, but to me personally? I think Ace just wants this all to end. Nico's murder attempt on him, the scar it left him, it was the perfect kick in the ribs to everything Ace had become since the events of Chapter 1. It confirmed to him that not only was his fear that everyone is out to get him, that he's going to be next after Xander and Min, completely justified to have. But also that his efforts to appear tough and threatening to prevent that fear from becoming reality were not only null, but thrown right back in his face.

(x) Ace: You know… Heh. I've always wondered which is worse, dying young or living a long shitty life of suffering. But it turns out neither of those options are as bad as this.

He is currently at his lowest possible point. At this point, the least that he wants is for Nico to provide him with some form of closure, so that he can put that moment where his guts were spilled on the floor to rest. But Nico isn't providing him that closure, they refuse to. And with Ace now being suspected for Arei's murder, regardless of if he survives this chapter or dies with it, I think he is finally going to break down. That hidden quote of his is fast approaching. I already know.

Rose

Rose is a character that, though I love dearly and believe she is one of the most strongly written of Despair Time's cast which is saying a lot, always somehow manages to fade into the background for me. But this episode bringing her to the forefront and giving us some extra character development from her is something I loved a lot.

For one, her clear and open betrayal towards Nico's actions was very upsetting to me, especially when you take into account that Nico asking Rose to teach them how to paint was probably the first time Rose has ever been asked to paint something for someone without a contract involved. I can imagine the idea of it must've been a breath of fresh air for her, and for it to only result in another red string in Nico's murder plan had to have been crushing.

But what's possibly even more crushing is her monologue after David gets frustrated with her, because...

(x) Rose: I know I'm supposed to remember everything. I know I'm supposed to be smart. I know I'm supposed to be helpful. Rose: Yet I'm not. Rose: I… I'm sorry for being useless. Maybe if I tried harder, if I just got over myself—

Wow this woman really does see herself as a commodity that only exists to be used by other people, doesn't she?

Something I've always appreciated about Rose's character is how it commentates on the subject of big corporations seeing art as content instead of something that was the product of someone pouring their heart and soul into a canvas. And how that mindset kills the desire for artists to create. And it is so fascinating seeing how that mindset reflects how Rose sees herself as a person.

She's one of the few characters in the cast that I can never really get a read on when it comes to where her character arc could be going, but I am very excited to see where DT-Dev takes her, even more-so with this development.

Teruko

I am like, 9999% sure this sprite is the first time she has smiled throughout this entire chapter. I am so happy for her.

Teruko, as always, stays being Best Girl™, and I absolutely adore the development given to her as well. Her realizing that her attempts to over-correct by isolating herself and not receiving help from anyone not only resulted in her getting hurt, but those around her getting hurt as well. And the fact that that's what leads her to coming to this conclusion really goes to show that, despite everything, she cares about these dumbfucks so much. And this is only taken further by her decision to trust Eden despite (HOW I INTERPRET IT) already knowing that Eden is a more likely culprit than Ace. She is choosing to trust her, regardless of if she'll regret it. And I honestly think that, regardless if Eden is the culprit or not, regardless if Teruko backslides, I think the fact that she got the courage to trust Eden at all is going to stick with her. I don't really have much else to say, really. Uhh... Teruko and Rose were kinda fruity this episode, I dunno.

David

[Sighs] This man provides us with a new headache every single episode and I love/hate him so much for it. So like...basically everyone else who watched this episode, I was confused as fuck watching whatever the hell David was pulling for the last 18 minutes of the episode. But now that I have time to think about it, I think I have a pretty stable idea. So, let's get into it.

Firstly

(x) David: Because I'm actually the first person to see the body.

Now, most people are immediately brushing this off as David lying to fuck things up again. But I think that a lot of people are forgetting two things 1. David is not a compulsive liar. He doesn't just tell lies for no/little reason behind them. The lies that he tells all have reasoning and inner logic to support them. 2. There really isn't any evidence suggesting that he couldn't had seen Arei's corpse before everyone else.

So though this point is mostly speculation, I think that David is telling the truth (sorry if this seems like an asspull, there is literally five more hours until the next episode comes out I need to speed things up)

But that's not really what I want to talk about in this section anyway, it's everything that comes after this that I want to talk about.

(x) David: All I want is for Teruko to distrust others.

...So. I think David is lying off his ass when he says that this is why he is doing this. And my reasoning for why I think that is pretty simple... Why would he care?

Like, yeah given the fact that David more than likely has Teruko's secret, he has every right to suspect that she might be affiliated with the death game, and also probably wants her dead. But...what does that have to do with Teruko's distrust in others? Not much. I think this sentence is David lying about why he is doing this to keep his true intentions underwraps. But what are those true intentions?

I can answer that pretty easily as well. David's whole argument in this part of the episode is the idea that Eden is not exempt from being the culprit. He suspects that she is the one behind Arei's murder, and I don't think that's helped by the seed planted in his head by Arei that even Eden must be responsible for the harm of someone. And well...I think we know how exactly David feels about the culprit behind Arei's murder

(x) David: Ahaha. It's just so foolish. David: For someone to take advantage of Arei like that… David: It's absolutely unforgivable. All she wanted was to change. David: What a reprehensible person this killer is. I look forward to seeing their painful execution.

And that leads me to what I think David is truly trying to do here: I think he is trying to get Eden voted for.

That is why he wants Teruko to believe him, and is using her trust issues against her to do so. He's seen the first trial, he saw how Teruko was able to convict Min as the culprit and convince the others to vote for her too. He wants her to do the same thing again, but for Eden. Really, it's a win-win for him. If Eden is the culprit like he suspects, then he gets to witness the unforgivable culprit get their just deserts. If Eden isn't the culprit, then everyone ends up getting executed. Which is, y'know, that other thing he really wants.

That's my personal theory on what David was trying to do here. It's not perfect, but it'll do for now. I love you, Mr. David Chiem. Please keep being confusing.

Eden

...So yeah, if you've been paying any attention to this post, I do still think Eden is the culprit. I also think during the scene with her and Teruko she is very desperate and wants to live and as a result, may have sipped a small tiny bit of the manipulation juice. But I will get to that in a bit First of all though, I absolutely loved the scene with Teruko and Eden. There is something about all of their scenes that just resonates with me in a way I can't describe, and this one is no different. The way it is shot, with the half-and-half and then the closeup on both of their expressions, and the fucking HUG CG? Luucarii and Zel both did an amazing job bringing the scene to life with their voices, and the choice to use the same OST as the kitchen scene in CH2-3 was fucking evil, especially because of what I'm about to say. All around, a fantastically orchestrated and emotional scene, I would expect no less from DT-Dev and their team.

But now it's time to talk Eden!Culprit. This is not something I should have to clarify if you aren't stupid, but I think before I really go into it I should say that I do not think Eden is an inherently malicious character, and I think she feels horrible for what she has possibly done. I also think she wants to live, like every bundle of pixels masquerading as a human. She can feel guilt for her actions and also indulge in a bit of gaslight gatekeep girlbossing. Min already proved that those two things can be simultaneous. With that out of the way... I do think that Eden is slightly manipulating Teruko here. And there is a very big reason why I think that is because of something @thebadjoe pointed out in their theory post

(x) Eden: Teruko, relationships aren't transactional. It's not that I did something good for you that you should do something good for me.

[11 episodes later]

(x) Eden: Please, Teruko… You’re my friend, aren’t you? Eden: Friends help each other…. So please, help me…

...Eden? Darling? I thought you said that relationships weren't transactional. You can't simply change your principles because they're getting closer to the truth. Putting the fact that Teruko never even considered her a friend to begin with on the shelf for right now, these two lines from Eden directly go against each other. Saying that relationships aren't transactional, and then saying that Teruko should help her because she's her friend. I think Eden knows that she is basically backed into a corner. There is no evidence suggesting that she couldn't had done it, and David is turning the tide in a way that is leading others to begin suspecting her. And just as Arei said...

(x) Arei: -you're pathetic and weak, and you always need to rely on others to get by.

Eden's is too overcome with emotion to defend herself properly, so she comes to Teruko to defend her for her. And when Teruko initially refuses, she becomes desperate. Using their relationship so that Teruko will believe her and trust her.

I don't think Eden wants to do this, but I don't think she knows what else to do, and is terrified and just wants this trial to be over. Even if it means treating her and Teruko's relationship like it's transactional. And Teruko, ultimately, gives into this idea.

(x) Teruko: Don’t… get me wrong. This isn’t out of kindness or pity or anything else. This is only because you helped me in the last trial.

(teruko is most likely simplifying her thought-process, I think she does genuinely care for eden and wants to trust her. But the idea of relationships as transactions isn't one inherently new to her, so I do think this is partially the truth.)

And I think the fact that Teruko does agree to help Eden is why Eden goes in for the hug. This is where we take that point of "Teruko never agreed to be friends with Eden" off the shelf

Eden knows that Teruko is choosing to not be her friend, despite considering Teruko as a friend. But I think in this moment, Eden thinks that Teruko finally considers her as a friend, someone she is willing to extend her hand to. And even if this day is her final one, I think Eden will appreciate forever.

Extra Thoughts !! - TERUKO SAID IT!! SHE SAID THE WORD!! THE T WORD!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT FROM HER!! another one to cross off the bingo card babyyyy - that aside, as always the voice work for this episode was fucking phenomenal. I already mentioned Luucarii and Zel's performances, but Swords and Arakachi did amazingly too. Such an amazing frosting on top of the already great storytelling.

(x) Eden: Arei is… She could have been my friend! Why would I kill her??

- maybe I'm reading too deep into it, but I honestly think this is the closest we've gotten to direct confirmation that Eden thought Arei was full of shit when she said she wanted to change. Like...she literally corrects herself. Why the fuck did she correct herself. - this isn't something I usually compliment, but the music-choice in this episode was amazing as well. Every song chosen suited the situation and the rising tension, and all of them were fucking bops. - I also adored the new sprites, as I always do. Especially Nico's

Predictions for CH2-15 - I'll be honest and say I have none. At least other than the obvious, that being that there's 100% gonna be an Ace VS Eden scrum debate.

Conclusion

This episode was a fantastic way to lead into what will probably be the last episode of the trial. I cannot wait to see what's cooking come CH2-15, which is in... [looks at my conveniently placed watch] THREE HOURS?! WHAT THE FU-

UPDATED SWEAR STATISTICS CH2-14

UPDATED BINGO CARD

[umbracirrus]

WIP Wednesday-!!💛

It's Wednesday again! I swear it was only just Wednesday... But anyway! This is a two part WIP, both a sketch and some writing. The writing can be described with a single sentence - Elyse is in Denial™️. The drawing is an attempt at designing a new outfit for Balgruuf - one that seems fancy and formal but isn't as difficult to draw as his usual clothes.

I've been tagged by @hircines-hunter and @skyrim-forever and I will be tagging @thequeenofthewinter and anyone who wants to share a wip (I'd tag more people but I'm absolutely exhausted and not many names are coming to me right now... But if anyone wants me to tag them let me know-!! ;u;)

So first of all, the drawing! It's a partially coloured drawing of an outfit I've started designing for Balgruuf... I wanted to have him wearing something other than his usual outfit, but still has some similarities (it's such a hassle to draw what he wears on his torso aside from the fur over his shoulders!). You get some of my little notes too :) I've not settled on the remaining colours aside from there being a yellow accent somewhere, hence why only part is coloured. I think it's going to be what I'll have him wear in The Perfect Storm when he marries Elyse ;3

And now, the writing-!!! >:3

------

“Is that all of them?”

“I... I think so?” Elyse let out a quiet sigh as she leaned down and placed her hands on her knees as she attempted to catch her breath. “By the Eight, I’m more out of shape than I thought I was.”

“You still did well though, even if you have spent most of winter hibernating in Dragonsreach.”

Her eyes darted up as she glared at her friend, who was now quietly laughing at her reaction. “I swear, that is what – the third time you’ve brought that up today?” Elyse stood up straight and folded her arms over as she raised an eyebrow. “Why do you keep trying to tease me about staying there, Lyd?

Lydia walked over to her and placed her hands on her shoulders. “Please don’t tell me that you’re blind to it. Please.”

“Blind to what?”

“The Jarl has eyes for you!”

Elyse frowned at that statement, before tutting and shaking her head. She then broke free from her grasp. “He’d do the same for any other Thane if they were in a situation like mine.”

“But those Thanes aren’t the Dragonborn. Those Thanes aren’t you,” Lydia grinned, which just made Elyse scoff and turn on her heel. “Come on, you can’t be that naive-“

“I love you Lydia, you’re like a sister to me, but by the Divines, you are annoying when you get these sorts of ideas in your head.”

“Jarls wouldn’t just get expensive jewellery for the birthday of any old Thane, you know. Nor would they shut themselves away when they upset any old Thane either. Invite them to join them at a festival. Or throw everything down when they hear that they’ve ended up under the care of the Temple of Kynareth! Divines, Elyse, he’s trying to court you!”

Elyse momentarily tensed as her face heated up, then shook her head. “No... That- He isn’t-“ She clenched her fists. “He isn’t... Couldn’t. Not me...” She then began to walk away. She didn’t want to handle any of this, not right now.

“I served Jarl Balgruuf for a few years before he assigned me to be your Housecarl... And trust me when I say that he acts different around you, in a way that he does nobody else.”

Pursing her lips together as she continued walking away, she tried her best not to dwell on what Lydia was saying. They were friends, of course she liked to tease her – though it was normally over her abysmal cooking skills, or how easily she got drunk... Not this.

But at the same time, did she have a point? She couldn’t possibly count the number of times he had sat with her to have tea, held her close, or wiped away her tears-

“Elyse!” The sudden yell from behind her made her flinch, before she quickly turned around and gasped.

[rav-rabies-art-blog]

Apologies, I planned to get this up sooner but the heat this time of year makes me need a rest after work. Like I said earlier I'm going to post the script for Chapter 1 at the end of this post.

But first, the thumbnails I made for chapter 1 and some of chapter 2 of The Beat Goes On.

And I've started drawing the first chapter

and the script for chapter one is under the read more: I'll post all the chapter scripts but after the chapter goes out from now on.

Cover: idk lol Cold opening

PAGE 1

Panel 1: Shot of the Armstrong facility at night. The shot is from below as if some is on the ground looking up. The building has gone dark.

NARRATOR: When things went wrong, I always got the same advice.

Panel 2: Shot CHAI and MIMOSA mid fight to set the time the scene takes place. It looks like it's being broadcasted on a screen with LIVE displayed on the bottom.

NARRATOR: When there is change in life you can't control, focus on what you can.

Panel 3: A shot of a hand in silhouette pressing a button.

Panel 4: Ceiling lights of the factory turn on as machines wirr to life.

NARRATOR: I hope that's what I'm doing.

SFX: WHIRRING

PAGE 2

Chapter page: Kale's funeral.Panel 1: Kale as a baby with the rabbit doll seen later in the chapter.

PAGE 3

Panel 1: Chai standing in the hideout. Visible is the sofa, KORSICA's space (now empty) and PEPPERMINT at her computer, Chai is in a black suit and Peppermint is in a simple black dress.

Panel 2: Peppermint looks back from her computer.

PEPPERMINT: What's up Chai?

Panel 3: Chai flops down on the couch.

CHAI: Nothing.

Panel 4: Chai folded his hands behind his head. 808 looks up from her nap on the couch but stays curled up. Chai has a cocky smirk on his face.

CHAI: Just getting another look around before this place gets emptied out.

Panel 5: Peppermint smiling

PEPPERMINT: So you finally picked a place?

PAGE 4

Panel 1: Chai smiling at Peppermint (off panel) and 808 smiles at Chai.

CHAI: Maybe narrowed it down to two places. One I really like.

Panel 2: Peppermint stands up and walks to the camera. Chai's visible in the lower left corner

PEPPERMINT: Well congratulations, This is your first place on your own? Don't think you'll get lonely.

CHAI (off screen): Nah.

Panel 3: Peppermint sitting down on the sofa with a sigh.

PEPPERMINT: Well, I guess you're doing better than Mom.

Page 5

Panel 1: Shot of Chai looking confused.

CHAI: What's wrong with your mom? she seemed fine last time I saw her.

Panel 2: Peppermint looking down at her hands.

PEPPERMINT: Trust me Chai... she looks fine on the outside but I can see something is wrong.

CHAI (off panel): About what?

Panel 3: Peppermint rolling her eyes.

PEPPERMINT: I don't know Chai, Maybe Kale?

CHAI: That jerk!

Panel 4: Peppermint looking sad and frustrated

PEPPERMINT: I know but "he was her son."

Page 6

Panel 1: Chai now sitting on the couch looking worried.

CHAI: And how are you handling it?

Panel 2: Peppermint looks surprised.

PEPPERMINT: I-I'm fine.

Panel 3: MACARON and CNMN walk in

CNMN: It would look odd if Misses Peppermint and Roxanne did at least appear sad. The public thinks Mr Kale died in an accident.

Panel 4: Chai looking downtrodden

CHAI: Like how people think Mimosa was hurt in an stunt gone wrong.

Panel 5: Chai shaded out on the left side of the panel. Peppermint looks upset. She is framed by him in the panel.

PEPPERMINT: Mom made sure you where free from blame... for the most part.

Page 7

Panel 1: Chai looking traumatized thinking of the hate mail he gets. A few are legible

EMAILS/TEXT:

1.YOU RUINED MIMOSA'S FACE! KYS!

2. IT WASN'T AN ACCIDENT!

3. YOU WANTED TO GET RID OF HER!

Panel 2: Flashback of Chai seeing Mimosa's face after the fireworks. the right side of her face is burned with some of her hair gone on that side as well. She is attempting to throw a vase but a hand (Zanzo's) coming into frame stops her.

MIMOSA: You!! Get out!

Panel 3: CNMN's hand touches Chai's shoulder.

CNMN: Mr Chai, we have a funeral to attend.

Page 8

Panel 1: (Insert panel) Chai surrounded by his friends CNMN's hand is still on his shoulder.

CHAI: Thanks, guys.

Panel 2: Splash page: Establishing shot of the funeral home. It's raining and getting dark.

Page 9

Panel 1: Crowd shot. Chai, Peppermint, Macaron, Korsica and CNMN look concerned and are mostly on the left. On the right ROXANNE, clutching a bag to her chest. Her body is turning away while she looks at the group.

ROXANNE: Excuse me everyone.

Panel 2: Roxanne walking out in the hallway.

MACARON (Flashback voice): ...No organic material found...

MACARON(Flashback voice): ...We can't bury what's left. It- I'm sorry Roxanne, but our competitors would... rob the grave.

Panel 3: Roxanne's hand taking Kale's doll (a stuff rabbit that resembles the Chobit's rabbit.)

KORSICA(Flashback voice): What is that?

ROXANNE(Flashback voice): Kale's favorite doll from when he was a baby.

Page 10

Panel: Shot from above. The empty coffin at the top. Roxanne at the bottom.

ROXANNE: Hello Kale. >snif< I sorry but I suppose this is better than burring an empty coffin

Panel 2: Close up shot of Roxanne's face. A tear is running down her cheek.

Page 11

Panel 1: Similar close up but it's now a flashback with Korsica behind her.

KORSICA: Ma’am please, you don't want to see-

Panel 2-5: Long thin panels alternating between flashbacks and present. No gaps in between panels. All have Roxanne coming closer to the viewer. In the flashbacks she is running the present she's walking still holding the doll.

SFX (Panels 2&4:Roxanne walking): Click

SFX (Panels 3&5: Roxanne running): CLICK-CLACK-CLICK

Page 12

Panel 1: Flashback to Kale's robotic body smoldering.

Panel 2: 2nd flashback to Roxanne, tired in a hospital bed holding her newborn son.

Page 13

Panel 1: Roxanne in the first flashback screaming and sobbing. Peppermint is holding her to comfort her.

Panel 2: Present Roxanne alone on her knees cry silently holding her son's toy.

Page 14

Panel 1: Small panel of H3w-1e's paws walking.

SFX: tap tap-

Panel 2: H3w-1e walks up to a quietly crying Roxanne.

Panel 3: Roxanne notices H3w-1e and reaches out to him.

ROXANNE: Oh >sniff< hello there.

Page 15

Panel 1: ZANZO leaning into view from the doorway. He does not have his cables in and his Mohawk is pulled back into a ponytail. He's wearing a black turtleneck with a gray blazer and matching trousers. He is waving but his smile doesn't reach his eyes.

ZANZO: Oh! hello, Mrs Roxanne.

Panel 2: Roxanne getting up and H3w-1e looking up at her.

ROXANNE: Hello Zanzo! I'm >sniff< glad to see you here. Especially after... that note.

Panel 2 Zanzo looking down but away from her. The tears are starting, but he's holding them back... mostly

ZANZO: "Kale's secret plan." Yeah that was surprising but probably shouldn't have- Still Kale was... Thank you for sending me that.

Page 16

Panel 1: Roxanne and Zanzo talking, both trying not to cry. Roxanne stands on the left, Zanzo the right. Both are looking down at H3w-1e (off panel) who can be heard walking around them. (note Roxanne still has Kale's old doll and will until she returns to the rest of the guest.)

ROXANNE: Zanzo... I'm glad you came. I saw you at Ms Rekka's funeral. I- you look so much better, and and you have a new friend.

ZANZO: H3w-1e. He was supposed to be a gift for Kale, but I thought I'd keep him.

SFX (H3w-1e walking): Tap tap tap Panel

2: Same as panel one but Roxanne is looking at Zanzo. Zanzo is looking down again.

ROXANNE: Yes, of course. You're a talented engineer.

ZANZO: Thank you.

Panel 3: Roxanne now reaching out putting her hand on Zanzo's arm. He looking at her now. She's clutching the doll to her chest.

ROXANNE: I want you to know there's still a place for you at Vandelay. Even if you don't want it, I'd like to keep in touch.

ZANZO: I'd like that too.

Page 17

Panel 1: Shot changes to H3w-1e growling.

SFX (H3w-1e's growl): Grrrrrr

Panel 2: Insert panel (in Panel 3) of Zanzo looking back at an off panel speaker (CHAZ)

CHAZ: Mr Zanzo?

ZANZO: Yes?

Panel 3: CHAZ MARTZU and his wife VIDALIA standing together in the hallway Chaz has his robes on and making finger guns and his wife is holding a Zanzo Doll.

CHAZ: Hey there. I'm Chaz Martzu CEO of M-Rex Corp. My wife, Vidalia and I have been following your career and we dig your vibe.

Page 18

Panel 1: Shot of Zanzo and Roxanne, mouths open, visibly scandalized.

ZANZO: Uh, we're at my best friends funeral.

ROXANNE: My son's funeral!

Panel 2: Chaz and Vidalia comically drawn. Zanzo and Roxanne also comically drawn in the right corner.

CHAZ: Bad time for a job pitch.

BOTH ROXANNE AND ZANZO: (That was a job pitch?)

Page 19

Panels 1-4 are done like a 4 komi comic with a simpler chibi like art style. All are of Chaz and Vidalia.

Panel 1: Both are listening to Zanzo off panel.

ZANZO: You know I'm suing you?

ZANZO: For over a decade.

Panel 2: Now Chaz and Vidalia are speaking.

CHAZ: Oh? He's the one that got caught in machinery?

VIDALIA: No dear. that was a child intern and they died.

Panel 3: Same as above CHAZ: Is it about the one who drowned in our Rex car?

VIDALIA: No, They settled

Panel 4: Same again.

VIDALIA: He's the one who lost his legs after getting his by your self driving prototype car.

CHAZ: Oh I forgot that one.

Panel 5: Zanzo and Roxanne with their eyes shadowed out in that anime way. Roxanne looks disgusted. Zanzo is *pissed*.

CHAZ (off panel): I'll get that settled as soon as I figure out which lawyer is on it.

ZANZO: How... magnanimous of you.

Page 20

Panel 1: Still pissed Zanzo and Roxanne are in the bottom left corner while Chaz talks to Vidalia.

ZANZO: I should be going now.

ROXANNE: So should I

CHAZ: I think that went well.

Panel 2: Cut back to the main group. Panel has a chevron shape on one side pointed at Peppermint as if it poked her in the back. Peppermint looks shocked at DURIAN speaking to her from the next panel.

DURAIN: Pepper? Is that you?

Panel 3: DURIAN smiling down at Peppermint. Peppermint (off panel): Durian!

Page 21

Panel 1: Peppermint hugging Durian. Durian awkwardly holds his arms up as if he was going to hug her, but doesn't.

PEPPERMINT: Thanks again for letting stay at you place.

DURIAN: No problem.

Panel 2: They stop hugging. Durian is waving his hand in a small circle

DURIAN: Did you managed to resolve your issue with your brother before.

PEPPERMINT: You could say that.

Panel 3: Shot of Peppermint looking away.

DURIAN (off panel): That's good. You're going back to college right?

PEPPERMINT: Uh huh.

DURIAN(off panel): Good, good.

Panel 4: a small panel pf Peppermint looking over noticing some thing off panel.

Page 22

Panel 1: Peppermint pulling Chai to her.

PEPPERMINT: By the way, this is Chai. Chai this is my cousin Durian.

Panel 2: Chai and Durian shake hands. Durian looks warry about the interaction. Peppermint is in the middle of the panel, just behind the hand shake.

CHAI: Oh yeah, You're a politician right? Top cop kind of thing.

DURIAN: Y-yes, Minister of Public Defense. And you, young man?

PEPPERMINT: He's the new Vandelay Ambassador.

Panel 3: Chai Pointing at himself with his thumb. Peppermint cringes next to him.

CHAI: Aaaand future rockstar!

Panel 4: Durian very unimpressed.

Panel 5: Durian speaking to Peppermint

DURIAN:Peppermint, where's your mother?

PEPPERMINT: I think that's her right now.

Page 23

Panel 1: Roxanne and Zanzo return still angry.

Panel 2: Durian looking surprised.

DURIAN: Auntie Roxanne, What happened?

Panel 3: Chaz is now waving to Durian behind Roxanne and Zanzo.

Panel 4: Durian is no longer surprised.

DURIAN: Oh.

Panel 5: Durian leaning towards Roxanne.

DURIAN: Auntie, may we speak away from current company.

ROXANNE: Later, the service is about to begin. And I don't need anything else happen-

Page 24

Panel 1: Shot of a door opening.

Panel 2: Roxanne and Durian look surprized.

Panel 3: As if a camera has paned to the left, Durian has turn to speak to Chaz. DURIAN (whispering): Your handiwork I take it? CHAZ (whispering): No, we did a consultation but it would have took too long and would be too painful.

Page 25

Panel 1: Chai and the gang looking shocked. Zanzo looks happy.

Panel 2: Mimosa standing in the doorway. Her face no longer bearing any scars.

Page 26

Bonus Mimosa sketch

[lockea]

10 Fanfiction Recs

In honor of IFD 2024 and @ao3org organizing the feedback fest, here are 10 fanfiction from my bookmarks (all complete, lots of oldies) spread across as many fandoms as I read.

Scylla and Charybdis by Mithrigil, puella_nerdii Fandom: The Hunger Games "Finnick decides that, come hell or high water, he is bringing his tribute home from the seventieth Hunger Games. That tribute is Annie Cresta. But Finnick never thought that he would have to choose between bringing her home and keeping her safe, and he wants both. How Annie Cresta crept up on Finnick Odair."

I heard Hunger Games was back in fashion, so have this fic from 2011 that's just so good.

Primary Colors by RobotSquid Fandom: Homestuck (no, I am not apologizing!) "As a young troll living in the desert with the Dolorosa, the Signless comes across an unconscious psionic wriggler. Over the next few nights, they come to understand and care for each other. Although seemingly destined to be apart, they make a promise to be together again. But the destructive ways of the highbloods are becoming more widespread, and as the Signless begins to dream, he dedicates himself to regaining the peaceful world Alternia once was. But troll society as it stands now holds no sympathy for a candy red mutant, a psionic slave, or the matespritship they have."

A canon-compliant (I think, I stopped reading Homestuck around this time) story about the Signless that's full of great world building and honestly I don't remember much but I have it on my bookmarks list for a reason, I'm sure.

A Long Road to Destiny by Miko Fandom: Final Fantasy VII (set in Final Fantasy X verse) "The summoner's journey is a long, hard path to walk. Having guardians you trust makes all the difference in the world."

The story follows Cloud, who is half Al-Behd, as he makes his pilgrimage to be a summoner. Early on, he's joined by Sephiroth, a former Summoner, and Zack, who wants to be Sepiroth's guardian, and the three begin quite the epic adventure to save Spira.

Immovable, unbreakable by Cards_Slash Fandom: Assassin's Creed "Altair has known since he was thirteen years old, the year he realized he was an omega, that his body was never going to be his own. He thought he had overcome his own fate when Al Mualim agreed to allow him to stay on as an Assassin but even becoming the youngest Master Assassin ever did not save him. Following the semi-failed mission at Solomon's Temple, Altair is gifted to Malik as a reward for his service. Malik doesn't want Altair but he does not turn down the chance to show him his place."

A retelling of the first game if Altair was an omega, lost his assassin status, was summarily married off to Malik, and had to work around all that to still solve the mystery and save the day. Altair is truly the biggest badass in this story, and the historical perspective on an Omegaverse is truly neat.

Teach Me How to Fight (I'll Show You How to Win) by Skalidra Fandom: Batman (DCU) "Dick is taken by the Court after his parents' death to be trained as a Talon. He becomes loyal, deadly, and the Court's primary Talon. At least until he meets a boy from the Court's secondary, darker kind of servant who gets assigned to be his partner, and makes him start to care about things other than serving the Court. Tim, a boy-genius member of the Court, could have told anyone who listened that pairing Talon with the other boy - Jason - was a poor decision, and the fact that the Grandmaster of the Court doesn't listen, at all, is something he's finding less and less tolerable."

I love this fic so much that it was my first attempt at fanfiction binding.

Oh, You Wondrous Creature by Ginia Fandom: Final Fantasy XV "Ignis Scientia had learned at a young age to perform his duties quietly and flawlessly. He learned not to draw undue attention to himself, as attention had often lead to pain and humiliation at the hands of those who considered themselves to be his betters.

He has no idea what to do when the attentions of one Gladiolus Amicitia are directed at him. He expects harshness and cruelty, but is met with something quite the opposite."

This is classic frenemies to lovers scenario. Ignis and Gladio start off disliking each other, but as Gladio uncovers more about the discrimination Ignis endures, he shapes up to be a friend, ally, and eventual lover for the steward.

Someone You Have To Let In by Arsenic Fandom: Batman (DCU) "Basically a horribly sideways BDSM-AU where Talia actually raises Jason from the dead to use him to get Damian to safety. If you're looking for super indulgent h/c, I got your back. If you're not, this is probably not the fic for you."

This was my introduction to the BDSM-AU, also called the Dom/sub AU, where people have biological imperatives towards either dominance or submission. The world building here is especially great, as there's parts that talk about how you raise kids in this kind of dynamic. Also I love me some Dick/Jason so there.

Holding Cell by red-catmander Fandom: Guild Wars 2 "Rytlock Brimstone is trapped in a human jail with a hairless mouse, a talking plant intent on infuriating him and a headache the size of the Black Citadel. Now he's stuck fighting in the arena, buying his freedom one slog at a time, and the only thing awaiting him when he gets out is scrapper duty.

He hates these people. He's sure of it. Especially Thackeray.

He really, really wants to hate these people."

Listen, this fic is hilarious. Like funnier than anything Snargle Goldclaw could write (if you know you know). It's Rytlock/Logan in like the crackiest way possible and while I unironically love this fic to pieces, it's main use in my life is to deal 1d6 of psychic damage to members of my GW2 guild.

Maan'alor - The Prime by papermachine Fandom: Star Wars (Prequel Trilogy Era) "Jango Vhett was Mand’alor only briefly to the Mandalorian Empire before he was captured by the Jetii and Republic forces on Galidraan.

Now an unwilling guest on Kamino, he is buir to Boba and he fears his protection can only stretch so far for the rest of the children made in his image. Jango doesn’t know if he can save all of the clones from the Kaminoans or the Republic, but he does know this: Verde sa akaan nau tracyn kad. Warriors are forged in the fires of war.

These children are made for war, and they have been fighting to stay alive since their creation.

He will do what he must to save them."

The series is ongoing, and this is technically the third installment in the series, but it's a great place to start reading. The series follows various characters in this AU where the Sith Empire, the Mandalorian Empire, and the Republic are all at war with each other. Meanwhile, an unwilling Jango is template to the clones, and he is NOT happy about is. But rebellions are built in secret, and Jango never was a very good spy.

hope has bloody knuckles by independent_variables Fandom: Star Wars (Clone Wars Era) "Davijaan discovers mountains, thinks about the war, and maybe falls in love."

I think some people are turned off from this fic because it's a relationship between Davijaan (Odd Ball) and an OC, but the main focus is on Davijaan and Cody's relationship with each other as clones, as having survived the Clone Wars with no Order 66. There's also some lovely word building around Pantora which is the real appeal of the fic, imo. And of course Loren herself is easy to like, with a strong personality and well developed character. You really want to root for her and Davi as the story goes on. Like, come on you two idiots! Figure it out! I do love this fic very much.

Oh my gosh picking only 10 fics was hard. Here's my bookmarks page if you want to see what else I'm reading.

[tresapes]

Short Mary & Matthew ficlet #3

Prompt: Matthew, Lavinia, and Mary attend a dinner party in London during the war

"So, will you come?"

"Come where?"

Rosamund watched her niece and Matthew almost jump apart and turn to face her as she walked up to their corner of the drawing room. She'd noticed them deep in conversation, their heads close together, practically ignoring every other one of her guests in favour of each other's company. She liked Matthew well enough, even if Mary's clear fascination with the boy was beyond her.

"I've asked Mary if she'd like to join us for a dinner party, at my General's home in Kensington. There are a few of us on leave and I suppose he'd like to uplift people's spirits. There should be some dancing after as well"

"Very fashionable" commented Rosamund, looking at Mary, who rolled her eyes at her aunt, before responding with a smile

"Fine. If you don't mind me missing your gathering that evening, I'll go. Although I don't see what my presence would contribute."

"Isn't being there as a familiar face for poor old me enough of a contribution?"

"Won't you know some of the officers there?"

"Yes, but I don't particularly like most of them."

"Sounds promising. But won't Lavinia and her father attend as well?"

"Fine. Attend as the Crawley in command. Some people from Mr Swire's circle have questions about my family tree and I have no real answers for them."

"Well, if it's to uphold the honour of the family name, how can I refuse."

Rosamund watched their back and forth with no small amount of fascination. They seemed unaware of the fact that their comments were said in quite a flirtatious manner. She made a note to herself to warn her niece. It would not do for Sir Richard to become aware of just how attached she still was to her old beau.

Still, she could see Mary's trepidation, and advised her, on the day before the planned dinner party. "You had better show up in absolute splendor my dear. Borrow something of mine if you'd like."

"But why? I'm not attending a royal ball. And it's only in Kensington, I doubt there'll be anyone we know there." Mary had to swallow back a comment on how fortunate that was, given what the London society that did know her, thought of her.

"It doesn't matter. It's the principle of the thing. We won't have that little wallflower outshine you at a dinner party. Absolutely not. No, you'll dress up properly. If Matthew's so happy with his choice he shouldn't mind you stealing every other male gaze in the room."

-------------------------------------

Matthew wasn't sure what he was feeling when Mary's name was announced at Gordon Place. Most heads turned at the word "Lady" and those that didn't soon followed suit, gawking at Mary in an evening gown worthy of a princess, wine red with gold details, a sheer fabric over her shoulders and a deep cut in the back that showed off her luminous skin and made his throat feel quite dry.

Mr Swire was practically glowing with pride, leading her in the drawing room ahead of himself and Lavinia, Mr Swire having been the one trusted by her aunt with her care (and Matthew had to bite his tongue as to not exclaim that he was perfectly capable of looking after Mary, only to realise that no, actually, he was not in a position to make such claims).

They served cocktails before dinner, and he found himself being greeted by every single officer in the room that knew him (most of whom wouldn't have paid him any mind in any other gatherings he'd attended in the past), all of their eyes leading from his to Mary's in their obvious attempts at an introduction. Matthew bit his tongue yet again, and wondered why on earth he'd thought this was a good idea.

He answered his own question: any time spent in Mary's company was a good time. That fact was reiterated when he met her gaze over a small gathering of her admirers, and chuckled at the almost imperceptible way she rolled her head in clear Mary exasperation.

"What's so funny?"

He startled, and turned to look at Lavinia, who was watching him with a soft smile.

"Oh nothing, just… Mary being Mary."

He left her to the good company of one of her friends, a Miss Amelia Crawford, and joined his General in conversation.

Miss Crawford looked at her friend, who was watching her fiance with obvious affection, and couldn't help herself. "What does that mean?"

Lavinia turned her gaze to her "What does what mean?"

"Mary being Mary."

Lavinia looked back to her fiance, laughing with some of the senior officers but every once in a while looking across the room, meeting Mary's gaze as they smiled to each other, before turning back to their respective conversations.

She didn't dare look back to her friend as she replied honestly "Do you know, I don't really know."

------------------------------------------

He was glad he had had the presence of mind to ask her to dance the second dance with him in the car before they ever left Belgravia. She'd have to claim an injury to sit even one of them out. She was dancing the first with Reggie, and as Matthew was twirling around the room with Lavinia he couldn't help it that his gaze would inevitable fall on Mary. She was the picture of grace and elegance, and he couldn't lose her in the crowd even if he tried (he didn't try).

-------------------------------------------

Miss Crawford watched. She was in the lucky position to be an engaged woman in a city where the male population was ever dwindling, and she didn't mind claiming fatigue, and letting the other girls in attendance try their luck at securing the hands of the few unattached officers in the room. This gave her the time, and the space, to truly watch her friend's intended. And the more she saw, the more alarmed she grew.

It should have been obvious to anyone with eyes, but Amelia didn't think anyone paying any attention.

Matthew Crawley, was in love with his cousin.

Amelia wasn't certain at first if she loved him back. Lady Mary had been difficult to pin down, her expression always a perfect mask of politeness, her speech and presence too well trained in the art of social etiquette, unfalteringly impassive.

But when Mr Crawley led her to the dance floor, his hand so gently leading hers to his shoulder before grasping her waist as if it were something precious, Lady Mary transformed. They both did. They were dancing as if they were one person, practically gliding on the floor, their bodies leading them through the crowd with an ease and an assurance that should only come with years of practice but that seemed to come naturally to them. A feat doubled in its brilliance by the fact that their eyes remained locked together for most of the dance.

Could anyone hold another person's gaze for that long? They even held a steady stream of conversation, sending each other glowing smiles, and sometimes when Mr Crawley spoke to Lady Mary, he'd bring her body ever so slightly closer to his, lean his head forward as if to whisper in her ear, his face turning towards her like he was sharing a secret (and did his nose brush against her hair that one time? How could that be possible?).

Amelia thought his behaviour indecent. His fiancee, her good friend, was dancing with her father on the same floor, and Matthew Crawley was flirting with his cousin. She was undecided on whether or not to mention it to Lavinia. She wondered how it would be possible for her not to know, when he was so obvious in his attentions.

She made up her mind when she watched, her mouth dropping in shock, as he led Lady Mary to the side of the room once the dance was finished, his hand still on her back, his fingers very deliberately brushing the very edge of her dress, where the skin of her back was exposed, before moving away entirely. Lady Mary didn't react, she might not have even realised it had happened, but Amelia saw it, and was not happy.

She had to tell Lavinia.

-------------------------------------------

"I don't know what to think. Everyone in Yorkshire seems indifferent to it, like it's perfectly normal for them to be so… invested in each other's company. And maybe to their sort of people it is? Who else considers a fourth cousin twice removed to be family?"

Amelia shook her head "Yes, but doesn't it trouble you, that he'd behave so even as he's engaged to you?"

Lavinia shrugged, imperceptively, but her eyes were troubled "Matthew always spoke of her with fondness. He would tell me stories about how Mary would exceel at the hunt and some of the men would blame her skill on her "half-American blood" and she'd cuttingly tell them their lackthereof was probably a result of inbreeding."

Amelia's eyes grew as wide as saucers at the boldness of that statement, but as she took in the woman herself, deftly sending a herd of men on their merry way before her cousin turned to speak to her, she realised she could picture this woman being that audacious.

"And? Is that all?"

Lavinia looked away again, her eyes firmly on the floor as her fingers tangled and detangled in clear agitation. "Well, there is one more thing?"

Amelia waited for her friend to look back up, and prompted her along with her gaze.

"While I was in Yorkshire I… overheard talks from people. They said…"

"What did they say?"

"They said that Matthew had proposed marriage, to Mary. Before the war."

Amelia had been fanning herself in agitation, but she immediately stopped. Completely shocked at that statement.

"I heard that Mary took too long to respond, and he withdrew his proposal. And then the war happened and, well…"

They both turned to look at the people in question. They were now standing alone in the corner of the room, in deep conversation, both of them quite relaxed in each others company. Laughing together.

Lavinia looked back to her "You see it too, don't you?"

Her friend's eyes were incredibly sad and they broke Amelia's heart. But she knew, hiding from the truth never helped anyone.

"You need to talk to him. And soon. This won't work if he's still in love with her."

Lavinia nodded "You think he is. Don't you."

Amelia shook her head, unwilling to voice her opinion, but Lavinia understood all the same. She watched as one of the officers came to claim his dance, Lavinia offering a melacholic smile as she was led to the middle of the room.

Amelia watched her friend, and let out a long breath. Hopefully Mr Crawley would be honest with himself, and her, otherwise they were all doomed for a lifetime of misery.

[chilly-me-softly]

little mounty and christmas, imagine mason bringing her to the lunch they have had today. it will be very cute

Little Mounty

"Excited for the day little mounty?" Mason has his daughter in his arms as he enters the facility and lets the little one look around, her little eyes lighting up at what the staff have managed to put on especially for the children.

"It's not Christmas"

"I know love, but we're spending that day at grandma and grandpa's. And we boys wanted to celebrate together"

"Why?"

"Because we love each other and that's what friends do"

"There's uncle Ben!" as soon as he opens the door that leads to the lounge they will be staying in for the day, Alice wastes no time in scouting out someone she knows so Mason puts her down. But he doesn't even have time to remind her not to be good that she has already disappeared, leaving him alone with an envelope full of presents in his hand.

"Have you lost her already?" a faint female laugh distracts him from Ben and Alice, and Mason turns slightly to the side giving her a smile.

"Hey, I didn't know you'd be here too"

"Oh no, I just dropped something off"

"But you'll be here? Around I mean...um there's something I want to give you"

"I'll be in my office. Did you give me a present Mount?" her tone is somewhere between surprised and joking and he shrugs innocently.

"Who know"

-

"Alice eat alone you're capable of it" the boys are sitting at the table, Kai and Reece opposite Ben and Mason with little Alice in the middle, who without even saying it is enjoying the attentions of the boy by her side. Well at least this way she hasn't gotten dirty yet.

Some of the other boys also took up the invitation to bring their children along and Mason tried to get Alice to play with someone her own age for a while, but the little girl didn't want to. She had hidden behind his legs and after a few more failed attempts he hadn't felt like pushing her any further.

She was chatty with those she knew and those she trusted, his father would stay hours listening to her babbling on about some cartoon or princess whose name he didn't even know. Yet he had noticed that she had more problem relating to children her age and had often wondered lately if he could do something more.

She has a small crown made of tissue paper on her head and smiles surrounded by the attention of his friends and for the moment, for today, that's fine he decides. No more worrying.

"Do you know today is not Christmas?" she asks holding her fork to Kai sitting opposite her.

"Yes"

"So why did Santa bring presents?"

"He probably didn't"

"What?" Mason exchanges an alarmed look with Ben jumping in before the situation gets out of hand irreparably. His daughter is too young to ruin the idea of Christmas at the moment thanks.

"What Kai meant - he casts a quick glance at the boy in question, who smiles apologetically - is that Santa will bring the presents home. Today's are from the people who love you. Isn't that right Kai?"

"Y-yeah" the boy murmurs, giving her the best smile he can under his father's intimidating gaze, hoping that everything is sorted out.

"Hey Alice, do you want to open another christmas crackers?"

"Yes!"

"Keep eating, don't forget" Mason sighs relieved, lightly stroking her back before stopping to look at her.

-

Alice had gone to bring her present to Kepa, she had wanted to make everyone drawings and to make them a little more special Mason had helped her choose frames to put them in. After eating she had taken the opportunity to hand them out and then everyone had spread out a bit around the room and to his delight the little girl had stayed there with the boy even when another child had approached. He had then relaxed for a moment in his seat, allowing himself to chat with his friends.

"She is a special kid" 

"See these, these are the tears she made me shed to make all these drawings" Mason jokes pointing at Ben's drawing making him laugh. But in the end he can't help but agree with him remembering his special and personal one already hanging at home that she had given him that very morning.

"Looks like you've had your hands full these days" Cesar joined the group shortly before.

"Believe me. Every spare minute was for these drawings, I had to watch her and she would get so upset if I didn't give her attention"

"She looks just like her father to me"

His gaze falls to the phone screen that lights up for a notification, but more like looking at the time. "Hey would you take a look at Alice for me? I'll be right back"

He takes his jacket from the chair as soon as nods come from his friends and touches the inside pocket of this one satisfied with what he feels at the touch. He still has one last gift to give.

He knocks on your door once he arrives, it's open but still he doesn't want to intrude if you're doing something important.

"Hey Mason, come on in. How's the party going?"

"Good, I brought you this" the boy extends a white napkin laying it on her desk catching her attention.

"A biscuit! Thank you" she immediately bites into it, closing her eyes at the sweetness. While Mason simply stands there looking at her.

"And uhm this" he hands her another envelope but for this one he waits for her to take it.

"Mason, did you really get me a present?"

"It's just... it's nothing" he stammers, while she has already opened the envelope and taken the card.

"A croissant?"

"You know when you shared your breakfast with Alice last time. I thought I owed you one and, I mean maybe we could... have breakfast together one of these days?" the idea had come to him when he'd realised that picking up the phone again and getting caught wouldn't be a good thing to do. So he'd started drawing, annoying his daughter more than anything, until the light bulb had gone on and he'd stood next to her colouring.

"Oh that's... that's a great idea. I'd love to. Yeah, I'm in"

"Great" he smiles just like her and doesn't know what else to add, without risking making a fool of himself and risking the meeting. So he claps his hands closed into fists between them. "Great. Uhm I should go now"

"Yeah, okay"

"Merry Christmas (y/n)"

"Merry Christmas Mason"

[nerves-nebula]

This might not be the most coherent, sorry. Please bare with me.

I think there’s something really beautiful about your art, even outside of its particular and fascinating style. You have a vulgar, ugly way (/pos) of designing characters; the way you draw both your human and non human characters makes me feel strangely seen, and has in the past year made me so much happier with my own body.

Looking at your drawings always makes me want to draw too! Everything you made, down to the simplest doodle, inspires me, and makes me feel like I could try do that too.

My fascination with your OCs might be less to do with any inherent story or detail to them (although the themes I know I’ll find and nuances in their design and personalities are something I can always rely on ur art for) and more to do with the fact it’s coming from you. That I trust you tell a story or tackle a topic in a way that I trust few other creators to. Not withheld by censorship or any strict format, you are a case and point to what I love about freelance artist who have the time and means to create. Anything you write and draw will hold leagues of depth. That when you present an idea it will be interesting, and my attention and focus will be captured in a way few things can manage anymore. Your art is so unabashed in its everything and it makes me want to scream.

Your unabashed approach to tackling dark themes in such an unveiled, first person account, way, has had me reflecting on my own experiences so many times. Your art has done more for me than attempts at therapy ever did, and while I’m sure that might be more to do with the way my brain works and how I heal and reflect, personally, it doesn’t change the fact that you helped me. You changed the shape of my art and my interests and the way I consume media. I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin and mind, now, and I owe so much of that to you. You truly are my favourite artist, and if I had money ever, I’d commission u so fucking often.

(Also your casual posts are funny and based a lot of the time, and I really like how organized your tags are too.)

You have a vulgar, ugly way (/pos) of designing characters; the way you draw both your human and non human characters makes me feel strangely seen,

:DDD so glad you guys get what I'm going for here.

awww oommggg haha awwww you guyssss you're making me blush <3

genuinely this is so sweet and kind I dunno what to do with it really. i feel like it deserves a long response to try to put into words how it's making me feel but I can't come up with anything haha. like, this is kinda what I do it for? i mean i mostly do it for myself but this is something I hope for when making art too so like. aoguashg.

I guess I'll just say that hearing that i can help people this much just by Posting On The Internet makes me glad I haven't killed myself yet and I'll leave it at that.

[fiepige]

Hobie Brown variant OC:

I finally decided to make Symbiote!Hobie (nicknamed SH by Hobie, which over time turned into Sage) his own thing, cause I've made so many changes to him that I've decided he's just gonna be another version of Hobie from another dimension.

I basically came up with him when thinking about what it would take for Hobie to truly bond with a symbiote and this is what I came up with.

While he's technically Hobie too I'm gonna refer to him as Sage in this post to avoid confusion <3

Gonna start with his appearance and then move on to his origins and how he got involved with the Spider-Society:

Disclaimer: I cannot draw so I haven't even attempted at drawing his face cause I know I'd never be able to draw him in a way I'd like- So I did the next best thing:

(He has a normal face I just tried to find a way for me to draw him without drawing his face lol)

Pictured above is Sage and his symbiote K.A.T (and their symbiote form- yeah it's the same as Venom!Hobie cause I like the design lol)

He looks like Hobie but younger- he's around 11 when he's bitten by the spider and fused with K.A.T - he's around 12 when he gets introduced to the Spider-Society

He's got short hair as it was completely shaved off when he got caught by Oscorp - more about this under his origins - he wants to let it grow out after meeting Hobie and being inspired by his approach to his looks (he really looks up to Hobie but don't tell anyone I said that!)

His left iris is white as a result of the symbiote DNA being fused to him. He can make it match his right eye if he concentrates but only really bothers to do so if he feels it draws too much attention

After meeting Hobie he helps Sage get a few piercings of his own

He usually wears a hoodie and/or a mask to hide his face - he's super paranoid and does his best to hide himself from others

Never goes anywhere without his noice cancelling earmuffs - he's got enhanced senses due to his spider powers but they can be a bit of a nuisance since he's also sensitive to loud noises due to his symbiote...

He also usually wears sunglasses to shield himself from sensory overload as he was subjected to it a lot as part of the experiments he was put through at Oscorp - and thus getting his senses overstimulated can result in panic attacks, so he does what he can to avoid it + it hides his eyes as well

K.A.T (Killing Authority-opposing Targets) is Sage's symbiote

It usually stays hidden unless they're alone or around people they trust/already knows about its presence.

If it does show itself it'll usually stay on Sage's shoulder or sit in his lap, it's still tethered to him so it can't go that far without him - not that it really wants to anyways

The reason K.A.T takes this form is that Sage is a cat person and it used it as a method to make him like it more when they first "met" + petting it helped Sage calm down and still does

K.A.T is still made of the same goo as regular symbiotes so it does not feel like petting a cat at all- Sage doesn't mind but most other people get suprised when they first touch it

If it likes someone it'll rub itself against their legs and mimic purring noises - if it dislikes someone it'll hiss and arch its back at them

K.A.T is a more animalistic symbiote and mainly communicates with Sage by letting him feel its emotions instead of speaking to him

To avoid making the post even longer than it's already gonna be I'll link to this post where I go into more detail about the design of thier Symbiote form instead of describing it here too ^^'.

This was originally supposed to be a short summary but I've realised I'm incapable of making short posts when it comes to stuff like this:

Origin:

Sage is a younger version of Hobie Brown. (11 years old when bitten by the spider and fused with his symbiote)

Sage and K.A.T "met" at one of Oscorp's labs

He was living as a homeless kid (having escaped an abusive household a few months prior)

He was bitten by a radioactive spider while looking for a place to spend the night.

He got very sick from the bite and was easily captured by Oscorp goons looking for new test subjects in the streets

Despite his young age Sage is a more ruthless Hobie variant, in part due to his upbringing and due to his symbiote (and the trauma they both go through at the hands of Oscorp)

K.A.T was a new kind of experimental symbiote that was set to be terminated due to it killing all its previous hosts - Sage was their last attempt at fusing it with someone

They decide to fuse it with Sage as he was deemed indisposable due to him seeming more dead than alive - suffering from the venom of spider bite at the time - and thus it wouldn't be a problem if the symbiote killed him too

Since the spider bite was still changing his DNA as he got fused with K.A.T some of its DNA got fused with him as well as a "side effect" during the process

Due to this it's incredibly hard (if not impossible) to seperate the symbiote from Sage without severely hurting them both

His body develops organic web shooters when it fuses with K.A.T - the webs are black and can be shot from either of his 4 arms when in his symbiote form (they can also be shot regularly while in his human form)

Sage develops enhanced senses and a taste for human flesh after being fused with K.A.T - he also has enhanced senses from the spider bite - making it easy to overstimulate his senses and overwhelm him before he learns to get it more under control

Since Sage's gotten powers from both the spider bite and the symbiote they quickly become the subjects for many inhumane and painful experiments as the scientists futilely try to figure out how to replicate the symbiote (as they're unaware of the spider bite, thinking the symbiote alone is behind Sage's new powers)

The main scientist behind the experiments is this dimension's version of Peter Parker!

Sage eventually manages to escape the lab during one of their many tests- killing as many guards and scientists on his way out as possible - and eating some of them as well

As a result of their treatment at the lab + his past with his abusive foster family, both Sage and K.A.T have developed a deep distrust to other people - at this point they both consider the other their only friend

Sage goes back to living as a homeless kid, avoiding people as best as he can, but he's also got an insatiable taste for human flesh as well!

He will usually target anyone associated with Oscorp when he's hungry (if none are available cops are the next best thing- his dimension is just as corrupt as -138 Hobie's dimension)

He doesn't feel bad about killing but will still try not to harm civilians (emphasis on try- sometimes the hunger gets the best of him)

Due to his senses being extra sensitive + his paranoia from his experiences at the lab and his foster homes, he tries to avoid crowded and noisy places - This all leads to him being more active at night while he usually tries to lay low and hide during the day.

He lived like this for months until a certain event changed that:

First encounter with the Spider-Society

Sage's dimension is blacklisted meaning people from the Spider-Society aren't allowed to go there (cause a spider-person who's embracing their symbiote instead of resisting it is deemed unsafe by Miguel and thus best to be avoided)

Sage does still get introduced to the spider-society albeit through a rather unconventional way:

- One day a portal opens up and pulls Sage through it, sending him to another dimension as an anomaly

Having no idea about what's going on, and being scared and confused about the whole situation, he does his best to lay low and avoid other people.

Because of this he spends a lot of time in the other dimension before the society discovers signs of an anormaly - glitched objects like seen when Kingpen uses the collider in itsv, or the museum that the Vulture appears in in atsv

Sage eventually has his first run in with other spider people when his hunger gets the best of him and he becomes more careless as he turns into his symbiote form to go look for prey

Here he encounters Gwen and Peter B as they're looking for the anomaly causing things to glitch out in the dimension

Not knowing he's a spider person and an actual child, Peter and Gwen attack him as they always do with anomalies - it also doesn't help that Sage doesn't exactly look friendly when in his symbiote form.

He fights back cause these masked people attacked him for no reason so they must be bad guys and of course he's gonna defend himself - it also doesn't help that he's starving and thus not thinking clearly at this point.

Unfortunately for him, these guys have high frequency equipment to deal with symbiotes and thus they manage to subdue him, but not before he manages to fight back, revealing his organic webbing which tips Gwen and Peter off to him having spider powers as well

He's subdued and forced into an electric cage (which brings back a lot of unpleasant memories from his time at Oscorp) and sent to the Spider-Society afterwards

When he arrives at the Society he quickly gets overstimulated and has a panic attack and lashes out in a desperate attempt at escaping his electric cage - also seeing the face of the scientist who tortured him for months everywhere certainly didn't help

Gwen then uses a high-frequency device made to combat symbiotes to force him to revert back to his human form

She immediately recognises him as a young version of -138 Hobie

Her and Peter both panic cause 1. They realise they basically beat up a kid and locked him up. 2. That kid has a symbiote! 3. That kid is a younger version of another spider-person they both know (and who they both know has a very long and strained history with symbiotes!)

Miguel gets involved and a discussion begins about whether they should try and seperate Hobie (Sage) and his symbiote

- The other spiders mean well by this but Sage and K.A.T both panic at the thought of being separated - at this point they really view the other as their only friend as it's been them against the world ever since they fused

Sage, still panicking, tries to protest but they won't listen as they view him as a kid who doesn't know what's best for him

Sage is taken to the room with all the villains while they discuss what to do with him

Here Margo sees Sage and K.A.T comforting each other, K.A.T manifesting physically in Sage's lap, being hugged tightly by Sage as he promises it he'll never let anyone separate them

Seeing this, Margo takes pity on them and 'accidentally' sends them home before the other spiders get a chance to try and remove K.A.T from Sage.

Relationships with other spider-people

Some time later Sage has an encounter with Hobie who found out about the whole mess - despite Miguel ordering Gwen and Peter not to tell him

While Hobie isn't exactly a fan of symbiotes he first and foremost sees Sage as a traumatised homeless kid in need of safety and stability

Hobie offers Sage to stay at his boat whenever he wants (as long as he promises not to eat anyone while he's there), he also gives him one of his bootleg watches so he can come and go as he pleases (and explains that he can also use it to get home to his own dimension if he's ever unwillingly sent to another dimension again)

Sage declines at first but over time he slowly opens up to Hobie and begins to trust him

(He also secretly looks up to Hobie once he trusts him, cause who doesn't? He's an older version of himself who's got a place to call his home, one that he opens up to strangers in need such as himself, he uses his powers for good and not just to survive. He's not afraid to be who he is and draw attention to himself - something Sage has been too afraid to do ever since his time at Oscorp. He's got friends and people he trusts. - all things that Sage wants too but doesn't believe he'll ever have) Also he'll never admit that he looks up to Hobie but he can tell anyways

Hobie's the one that gives Sage his nickname, it started as SH but over time it turned into Sage instead, though he doen't mind being called Hobie as well, it's just easier to go by Sage when both he and Hobie are present.

He still doesn't trust people, especially not the Spider-Society after their first meeting, which made it very awkward when Gwen showed up to visit Hobie while Sage was there - luckily Hobie managed to interfere before they beat each other up too much...

(He trusts Margo a bit as well since she 'saved' him from the Spider-Society - also it's nice to be around someone who doesn't smell like food since she's an avatar and not made of flesh and blood)

He currently lives at Hobie's boat, switching between it and his own dimension as he pleases

Hobie did his best to hide it but he was rather freaked out by K.A.T's presence in the beginning, he did his best to supress it cause he genuinely wants to help Sage

Hobie mentors him in how to use his Spider Powers and tries to give him a moral compass to at least prevent him from eating civilians when he gets too hungry - He usually targets cops or people working for Oscorp but the hungrier he gets the less picky he is

Another reason Hobie took him in is because he knows ostracising someone won't make them a better person and while Hobie doesn't believe in deciding what's best for others he still knows life will be a bit easier for Sage if he doesn't just kill whoever he wants whenever he wants - impulse control is important when you have a cannibalistic symbiote in your body.

- Hobie still dislikes symbiotes but he respects Sage's choice to keep his and does his best to help him control some of the more violent urges that come with a symbiote.

Hobie introduces Sage to his punk ideologies and slowly introduces him to the punk community

Hobie also introduces him to some of his friends but it's a slow process due to Sage having a hard time trusting people - especially spider-people after his Spider-Society encounter

Some of the spider-people also have a hard time opening up to him because of his symbiote

But Hobie's good at making a safe space for Sage to feel like he can slowly start to open up to others

For the first time in years Sage feels like he has someone (besides K.A.T) he can trust and over time he starts to view Hobie as his older brother

And that's that folks! (at least for now)

To the one person who actually bothered to read all of this - know that I'm infinitely grateful that you took your time to read about my boy <3

- I initially tried to keep this short but I gave up cause Sage has been living rent free in my head for weeks and it feels so nice to finally flesh him out and write about him!

You know I couldn't resist making my first oc angsty - but at least he ends up doing better than where he started.

Hopefully you guys like him too! If you have any questions please let me know, I could talk about him forever <3

[xx-lemon-drop-xx]

Hey, bestieeee! I hope you're having a great day/night! Can request a fluffy Thor x GN!reader fic where they run to him after his battle, relieved that he made it out alive and he tries to comfort them? Thank you!!!

Hi bestieeeeee

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Warnings: ooc Thor, gn reader, Thor's a bit of a jackass in the beginning.

Request: Yes.

Words: 841.

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┛

You watched in a twisted kind of relief as Thor beheaded Lu bü, the sigh that left your lips drawing attention to you. Ignoring the other gods' stares, you stood, stride strong and proper as you left the viewing room and went down to see your husband.

"You had me worried there for a second." 

Thor peered over at you, changing his pace and moving towards you, a deep hum sounding from him at your words. You reached out, hand sliding into his as you pulled him towards the infirmary. Thor allowed you to do so, knowing better not to go head to head with your stubborn nature. 

"I thought you were going to die." 

Your voice was a soft murmur as you cleaned up the various cuts on his body, a cotton swab damp with peroxide dabbing at the gashes to disinfect them. Noting his silence, you continued on, with a sigh. 

"I just… Wish you would've been less reckless. It pains me to see you hurt." 

The gauze felt weird on his skin as you dressed his wounds, and Thor peered down at you, almost as if he was tempted to roll his eyes at your behavior. 

"A god will not fall to a mere mortal, regardless of if they have a weapon of the gods or not. You are a divine being, act like one." 

His words had you swallowing, nodding slightly. Thor was a man of few words, though most of his words did sting a little, it did set your worries to rest. Your hands fell to your sides once his wounds were properly tended to, unsure of what to do now. 

"I apologize. Though as the person you married, I have every right to worry for my husband. A mere mortal or not, that man managed to hurt you and that says a lot. I worry for your health, Thor." 

Your words were firm as he stood to his feet, towering over you in height. You were expecting for him to walk away without saying a word more to you, and he did. But not before placing his hand down on top of your head quietly patting it in an awkward attempt at comfort. Being quite apathetic himself, his forms of comfort were awkward and stiff. But, you accepted them with open arms. 

"No matter your worries, I don't die easily. And the fight is over now, [Name.] I'm fine, and I'm still here."

His hand dropped back down to his side, and the unique eyes of his you had come to love stared down into yours. 

"And I'll still be here for a very long time still. You won't be losing me any time soon." 

His words had your heart blooming, beating fast in your chest. You smiled up at him, nodding slightly, trusting in his words fully. Thor offered the smallest smile back at you, grabbing onto your wrist and sliding his hand down into yours. 

He turned, walking away with you following behind him. He was wonderful, and he was all yours. 

"Thor, when we get back maybe-"

"Yes, we can take a bath together when we get back, [name.] And then you can play with my hair to your heart's content." He said, as if reading your mind. 

"Thank you, Thor." 

"Mm." 

-

The bath water was warm against your skin, and the soap studs clung to your body as you sat, pressed against Thor's chest. His fingers slid along your skin, tracing random patterns on it. It was relaxing. 

He'd leaned down slightly, letting you wash the shampoo out from his long hair. Your fingers ran through the silky crimson that was his hair, making sure you got all of the shampoo out from it. 

After your long relaxing bath you'd unplugged the drain, rinsing your bodies off once more before getting out. After a long day, your quiet time has arrived. Padding into your shared room in underwear and a towel, you changed into something comfortable and got comfy in the bed. 

"Thor?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Will you hold me?"

Despite you being upfront with your question, you both stared at each other for a moment, and you'd almost been embarrassed to ask the question. After a minute of dead silence his arms wrapped around you, pulling you firmly against his toned chest. 

He huffed in slight amusement as you squirmed closer to him, snuggling close to his warm body and relaxing against his chest like putty. Weren't you just adorable. 

"Thank you, my love." 

You whispered, tugging the blanket up over your body. Thor tugged it up more, to cover his own. His hum vibrated in his chest, acknowledging your words but not saying anything more. His hand slid up to your head, gently fiddling with your hair. 

"Sleep."

He told you, in which you did, drifting off to the feeling of his hand in your hair and his heartbeat in your ear. 

[rin-and-jade]

Im so happy to see you taking a break and I hope the break is very nice!

I understand there might be a delay in responses but thats okay, please take your time your health is more important !!

Be prepared for a huge wall of text so sorry in advance-

But, i have a few things im just itching to ask gahhh

Firstly, we originally believed we had little to no amnesia (believing osdd-1b) BUT since then we realised the amnesia is so much heavier than we realised, we figured bc we could recall general events and it was calm in a sense (we saw majority of the time when people experience amnesia its distressing and the loss of all memory) but, the memories are not memorying, so now we are assuming just DID, and that brings me to the second part...

fragments and subsystems, so, idk how valid this is (mostly bc my assumptions are based off vibes/gut instinct) but im fairly sure a subsystem occurred a few months back from a split where that alter just disappeared, which is unusual from what we have documented from the past 1.5 years (most splits the alter detaches from the stressor and those stressors mould a new alter to deal with it in a sense-) so from the recent odd split i believe a subsys was created as such? i have no clue except the vibes, in which it feels like a bunch of fragments in a sense? like i believe ive been fronting for months on my own for now, but there are some parts of my days where i just blank anything that happened, so im curious if there is-

and its not the only time as such where we have had this dreaded gut feeling there were more parts that might be dormant or even very separate, or even parts we dont even notice due to the nature of disorder being a whole lot of forgetting and the disorder pretending to not be the disorder and stuff ;-;

im so sorry for the huge rambles, if you have any advice or explanations or even resources i can read through to draw my own conclusions that would be so cool, bc as of right now im so scared to say this as i feel like im actually faking it for attention and theres no way i was traumatised enough for this and yadayada

tldr: should i trust my 'gut instincts' about system related information, or is my brain being silly?

I don't see the point on invalidating instincts, they're subconscious pattern detectors, so if you feel off, you bet it IS off. Though it's healthy to back it up with evidence preferably, and if there's no evidence yet, then you prowl like a predator in attempt to search for the truth scroll... cough--with a help from me whenever you need it, i mean im not going anywhere.

Also, you can check wether you have did or osdd by jotting down logs or patterns wether: you're memorying more or memorying less, the things you forgot, how often do you find yourself black/greying out, how distinct your personalities are, and wether you can easily remember other part's memories or able to grasp another facet of yourself (if you do not, or is really hard too, im sure this is 'did' from first impression)

--

Right, and for the advices, further explanations, or even resources are all answered by my previous edu posts where its compiled in the #jeducates tag,, i'd love you to just swim in it and process all my information like a sponge.. and come back the second time with more specific questions if you still need confirmation or assurances.

Let me know how it went, i'll be waiting for ya's update!

- c

[the-old-boneyard]

Trans Artists Beware

there are a couple of people who truly hurt me and my spouse. One of these people is my former (ex communicated from my trans partner and I due to abuse) sister in law (iwritesometimes) who is constantly online begging for trans porn as a cis woman, which makes me really uncomfortable. The other is her cis girlfriend who called my trans spouse a pathological liar despite never speaking to or meeting my spouse. She just made a random public post on Twitter one day a few years back talking about my trans partner being a liar because iwritesometimes was called a "know-it-all" during a private family dinner for being extremely condescending about how Gruyere needed to be pronounced more Frenchly). So when my spouse was upset about being publicly humiliated by a stranger (@northstarfan / heartsib) - this of course led to distancing and disconnecting from their family and these people, fortunately. Likely forever and as a transgender person this has been EXTREMELY difficult as the rest of their family clings to iwritesometimes and has effectively forgotten my spouse exists. Something iwritesometimes likely relishes in, now. I hate that they both have transgender support related keywords on their profiles because they knowingly hurt trans people and don't care.

Unfortunately, I've noticed a disturbing pattern in the behaviors of these people. See, i grew up in an incredibly abusive home. I have chronic PTSD and I suffer from BPD, ADHD, autism... so I can't really recognize all the time when I'm reacting fairly to something.

However, my partner has been completely abandoned by their family - and we're pretty thankful for that. But I wanted to mention these people because I've noticed some very disturbing patterns from them and I wanna set some shit straight.

If you are an artist, especially trans, please do not placate their desires to fetishize trans bodies for their own amusement and exploitative purposes.

If you're an artist, do NOT allow either of them for convince you to draw underaged characters. This is sexual harassment FROM them for being disrespectful about it but Ive noticed they're very passionate about these things.

Frankly, I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. And while Northstarfan dragged my partner online, doing what cis people like to do and just call a trans person untrustworthy or a liar, I only now say anything about Northstarfan's character that I've observed after the past few years of feeling intense fury.

I don't know how you both sleep at night, I already asked iwritesometimes but she blocked me like the coward she is, too. But I have no intention of hearing any apologies once we're all that's left of any family that isn't hyper conservative. You showed your narcissistic hind ends one too many times. Then again you both like to publicly talk trash about your siblings and families and then you probably talk about each other, too.

I forgive you because frankly I don't care about either one of you losers. My partner forgot about both of you long ago. I only didn't because I have been secretly angry this entire time because right after you attacked my partner I saw you both frothing at the mouth over trans porn and it made me sick. I know @Iwritesometimes blocked me after I sent her the one message because she won't admit what she did but I'll gladly just post this and leave it up for an eternity. Thanks.

Fuck both of you. The suicide attempt rate for trans people is 41% and you're both so selfish you'd rather just beg and beg and beg and beg people to draw porn of our bodies for your pleasure and you do nothing else to support anyone but yourselves. Get offline and touch a blade of grass.

Edit: tagging since I want you to see and I'm not a coward <3 like you

[lovely-amora]

Moment of Truth

Astarion trusts you. He wishes to trust you and have faith after you showed him what that was. But he felt as if you weren't telling him anything about yourself..your family. So he was going to find out..one way or another.. It had been a few days since Astarion had considered his feelings for you. This situation was odd and yet even though he had gotten on your ever lasting nerve. You still cared. You cared enough to look out for him and cared enough to make sure he had blood. He couldn't even fathom WHY you were so nice to him. Why you looked at him with such..soft eyes. Why his heart twisted each time he saw you smile. .

While you were possibly the second best person in the camp (him being the first) , he knew you were hiding something. It had to be big too. The way your eyes would dart at the mention of a person's past, how you would avoid topics like it was second nature. He wished to know. He'd love you regardless but he only wished to know if he could help you like you did him.

And so he watch you. He watched as you went about your day. Practicing spells, crafting materials for the camp to use and even finding food for everyone. He found your day to day quite dull compared to what he THOUGHT he'd find. That is..until the night came.

Each night he observed you, it was the same. You'd leave the camp, sit on a stump, write in a journal and draw something, then go back to bed.

"That journal.." That was the key to figuring you out. That journal that you seemed to only use at night was the key to figuring out why you were so dismissive of yourself.

He had a plan. He waited till you slept by staying up longer than usual. He then snuck into your tent and swiped the box that contained your journal.

"She won't notice a thing." He rushed to the same stump that you would sit on just to try and emulate whatever you were doing. He then opened the box and-!

"What? Where is it?" The journal was gone.

"Looking for something?" The calm and smooth voice he had come to appreciate sounded tired and almost amused. He turns to find you with your journal in you hand. The leather cover dimly reflected the moon with its metal clasp.

"Care to explain why you've been watching me? And why you took my box?" He'd been caught red-handed. Just like when Tav caught him trying to take their blood..he was at a loss for what to do. What made his guilt worse is that you didn't even seem angry or mad. You were more disappointed.

"I-..You always put everyone else before you. You're too...dismissive of yourself! You stress about your personal issues and yet you refuse to allow anyone to help you. You refuse to even allow Tav to help you alone! I just want to understand why..! Why do you never put yourself above others?" He broke. His frustrations to your supposed stupidity and how similar you were to him in the most uncomfortable of ways.

You sat next to him on the large stump and handed him the journal. He took it from your hands and let his hand glide over the metal clasp. He looked to you but then you unlocked the journal. He opened it slowly and saw the mad scribbles on the first few pages. There was nothing even written, just scribbles of pure and genuine emotion. As he continued, the journal had words that he could read. It was as if he was watching the progression of your mental state.

Eventually, he found it..the so called secret that he'd wanted to find.

'Entry 279 - The other god's think me foolish for attempting to interact with the material plane. I disagree. I have the power to help the majority and I will use it. Ao can smite me for all I care, once I find my artifact I can finally regain my powers in the Material Plane.'

"You're a god..?" "I'm an imperfect god so Godling but yes. I can't give you my real name but I control the balance." "But why are you here!? How-?" You stop him before he says anything else.

"I'll allow you to borrow my journal. I..cannot say anything until you find things out for yourself. Just know.." You close the journal and put it in his lap to take his hands in yours. "You are valuable to me. As a godling, I'm not at liberty to indulge without finding my artifact but you matter to me." You stood up and smile at him. Astarion was conflicted with too many emotions.

There was one thing he knew. You just gave him a chance to understand you completely.