#I ate two already today and now i'm craving more

[gojoonsaturn]

pairing: Sukuna x fem reader

wc: 4132

a/n: after Shinjuku Sukuna didn’t die and made a peace with jujutsu world, also Gojo is alive. You could choose in which form you want to see Sukuna. english is not my first language, so i'm sorry about mistakes :(

warnings: pregnancy, slight mention of sex, I guess I made OOC Sukuna, you decide)) childbirth, angst, fluff, little jealousy Sukuna

On the evening’s dinner, Sukuna noticed your pale face and bags under your eyes. With a forced smile, you set a plate before him, bowing low to him. The King of Curses grabbed your elbow, his eyes narrowing in scrutiny. You stared at Sukuna, who regarded you with an intent gaze. 

“My Lord!”

Uraume materialized from out of nowhere, literally saving you from Ryomen’s attention. They gestured towards the exit from the dining hall, and you bowed again to your master, leaving the room.

“What’s wrong with the girl?” He asked annoyingly.

“Food poisoning, I guess.” Uraume replied with a chuckle and tried not to show their concern in front of the King.

“I want you to take care of her. She looks terrible.” Sukuna sat down to dinner.

You were alone in your room when a knock came on the door. Heart racing, you opened it and allowed Uraume enter.

“I said you had food poisoning, but you must understand that you can’t hide it from Lord Sukuna.” They remained as stoic as ever, yet you detected concern in their eyes.

“I know, but… You are aware of his stance on children. In fact, I have heard he ate children in the Heian era…”

“That’s true. It’s a mystery how he could get you pregnant. I thought curses could not procreate. Perhaps there is something special about you…”

“I think he wouldn’t believe me that I didn’t sleep with anyone else besides him...”

“But you are his concubine. No one would dare to lay a hand on you.”

You gently stroked your belly, remembering the day when you found out you were pregnant. Two months ago, afraid, you went to Uraume to share the news. At first, they were confused, but there was something inside them, that wanted to help. They gave you permission to rest more and take time off from your duties.

“Rest and sleep well. Lord Sukuna wants you to be healthy.”

“Thank you, Uraume.”

Two days later, you took an evening bath. As you sank into the water, you closed your eyes, stroking your abdomen and calming yourself. Suddenly, a pair of hands settled on your shoulders. Opening your eyes, you encountered Sukuna's tranquil gaze.

“Are you feeling better now?”

He approached you and seated himself at the edge of the bathtub.

“Y-yes… Much better.” You replied.

“I want you in my chambers today. Will you come?”

“Of course. As you wish, my King.”

You attempted to hide beneath the foam, but he watched you with amusement, noting some change in you, though his sharp red eyes failed to detect it.

In the third month of your pregnancy, you began to wear loose robes. Your abdomen was already visible, and the fabric served as a means of concealing your condition from the King. After that night he preferred to see you oftener in his chambers, but suddenly became gentler during the sex. You feared that he knew about your pregnancy, but Uraume reassured you of his unaware. 

Sukuna couldn’t tell what about you had started to captivate him. Previously, he appreciated your slim figure and pale complexion, but your weight gain suited you well, arousing a sense of desire within him.

One night with the King, you woke up with a sweet craving. You carefully slipped out of Ryomen's embrace and went to the kitchen but found nothing satisfying.

“What do you need?” Sukuna’s voice startled you.

“Uhm… Just some water.”

The King approached a jug of water, poured a glass and gave it to you.

“Thank you, my Lord.”

You accepted the glass of water from his hand and took a small sip, averting your gaze from Sukuna's.

“What?” You inquired softly, forcing a smile.

“What are you hiding from me, girl?”

“Why do you suppose so?”

“Because you’ve changed, and I cannot discern in what way.”

“I believe I have gained a slight weight. If you are displeased…”

“No. I find you more appealing this way.” He interrupted you and came closer, inhaling your scent.

Suddenly he grabbed your arm and placed his hand on your abdomen.

“What the…” He didn’t finish the sentence.

“My Lord!” Uraume called him. In their eyes was a fear for you.

“Who did you sleep with, brat?”

“No one… Just you, my King…” You looked at him confidently.

“The curses cannot procreate, and you know this, Uraume!” His voice began to tremble.

“I do, my Lord. However, I assure you that she has not lain with anyone else. I know that’s hard to believe, but something in her bloodline made it possible. I swear to you, this is your child, my King!”

Sukuna gazed at you in silence, but despite your fear you didn’t look away. Your breathing became steadier and the posture exuded confidence. Suddenly, you noticed a discernible change in the King's gaze. Both you and Uraume exchanged glances, and they nodded to you, gesturing towards exit from the kitchen.

You were unaware of their conversation, but you decided to return to your chambers. Your heart was still racing, preventing you from falling asleep. As your consciousness began to fade, you felt a touch on your waist. Opening your eyes, you turned around and found Sukuna there. He gently rested his chin on your shoulder, with his red eyes closed.

In the fourth month, the other concubines stared at you in disbelief, unable to believe that you had conceived a child with the master. However, you and Sukuna ignored their whispers and often allowed yourself to be seen together. Sukuna stopped visiting other women and spent every night with you. He enjoyed touching your abdomen and leaning against it, listening to the sound of the child's heartbeat. It was a true miracle, and sometimes he found it hardly to believe in his future heir.

“What’s in you, woman?...”  He asked, caressing your belly gently.

“Your child, my Lord.” You replied with a laugh.

“No, I mean�� Why you of all concubines?”

“I cannot say for sure. But I believe it’s a blessing.”

“Yeah. He will be the extraordinary.” He said, and you saw the sparkle in his eyes.

“Or she.” You added carefully.

Sukuna’s expression shifted, and you could see the wheels turning in his mind.

“Or she.” Finally, he nodded in agreement, accepting the possibility of having a daughter.

One day, in the fifth month of your pregnancy, you two had a small fight. The King saw you laughing with another servant, and his rage was palpable. Sukuna seized your arm, pulling you away from the man. Then he approached the servant with a murderous glare.

“If you ever talk to her again, I will tear out your throat, do you understand?” Ryomen demanded, his nostrils flared.

“My Lord, your… she just wanted to know what could alleviate her backache…” The man was skilled in medicine, and the other concubines asked him for advice on health matters.

“My King, it’s true. Adrien was a doctor, and I inquired about my pain. Nothing else.”

Sukuna’s gaze softened slightly.

“There is no need for servants to give medical advice. I can offer you the services of a professional doctors.” Sukuna said, his chest rising and falling with each breath, but his eyes held a hint of relief. “Leave us” He released the man

“Why didn’t you tell me you were in pain? Uraume can accompany you to the doctor.”

“Because there is nothing serious about it! Every pregnant woman experiences pain and cramps, Sukuna!” You began to yell at him, but quickly stopped yourself, covering your mouth with your hand. “I’m sorry, my Lord. It’s just…”

“I understand. Your hormones and all that. Uraume has told me.” He replied.

You smiled at him and placed your hand on his cheek. His breathing softened, and the anger in his eyes started to fade.

“Come to my chambers tonight. I will attempt to alleviate your discomfort.” You stared at him in astonishment but nodded and left the hall.

That evening you arrived at Ryomen’s chambers, but didn’t find him there. A dim light emanated from the bathroom door.

“Come here…” You heard from the bathroom.

Opening the door, you saw Sukuna standing by the bathtub. The air was filled with lavender scent which you adored.

“I was told that lavender can help relax your muscles, so… Please, welcome!” His tone was softer and more caring than you had heard before.

He assisted you in removing your robe and guided you into the tub.

“And you?...” You asked playfully, not letting his hand go free.

“I wasn’t planning on it...”

“Please. I want you by my side.” Your voice deepened, and Sukuna couldn’t resist your allure any longer.

He sat behind you, leaning your body against his torso. His fingers began massaging your back, providing relief from the tension you'd felt for weeks. Ryomen kissed your shoulder, moving up to your neck, eliciting a soft moan from you. You turned towards him, taking his chin in your hand and returning his kiss on the lips. Sukuna wasn't accustomed to such open displays of affection, but he couldn't deny the pleasure he felt in that moment.

For about an hour, you two sat like this, until your skin began to prickle with goosebumps from the cooling water.

“Darling, we need to get out. You’ll catch a cold.” Sukuna said.

“Mhm… It’s so nice with you here. Will you stay with me tonight?” You murmured into his ear.

“I will.” He replied.

He lifted you from the tub, helped you dry off with a towel, and carried you to bed.

“Are your back better now?”

“Mhm. Much better.”

You snuggled into his embrace and started to fall asleep. But suddenly you leapt up in bed, looking at the King with amazement and placing your hand on the abdomen.

“What? Is there something wrong with the child? I’ll call Uraume.” Ryomen asked, getting out of bed and heading for the door.

“No, no! Wait!”

You reached him and placed his hand on your belly.

“Do you feel that?”

At first, Sukuna looked at you in confusion, then he felt the child’s kicking in your womb.

“Wow… That’s… incredible.” He said, starting to move his hand over your abdomen following the baby’s movements.

“Would you like to know its gender?” He inquired with amusement.

“W-what? How can you…” You felt your hands and lips trembling. “One part of me wishes to know, but the other…” You bit your lower lip and hesitantly gazed at Sukuna.

“Let it be a surprise for you. But anytime you wish to know, I shall answer, my love.”

You were in the middle of sixth month of your pregnancy when Satoru Gojo arranged a meeting with Sukuna. The King of Curses was not enthusiastic about the meeting but had no choice. The servants set up a table, which you decorated with flowers. Although Sukuna didn’t like to share details of that battle, you heard enough about the famous and strongest jujutsu sorcerer. You were very curious about him.

Near the evening, you heard servants whispering about the arrival of the sorcerer. You glanced at Sukuna and made a move towards the exit.

“Stay with me, please.” Sukuna said suddenly, his voice demanding. His tone was colder, yet in his eyes you saw a hint of vulnerability.

You nodded subtly and took a seat at the table next to Ryomen.

In the dining room, a tall man with snow-white hair and a blindfold entered. He sat before Sukuna, his lips curling into a barely noticeable smile.

“I prefer to see your eyes, sorcerer. Or are you ashamed of your no longer perfectly blue eyes?” Sukuna's voice carried an ironic tone.

Satoru Gojo removed his blindfold, revealing one eye that was black and the other ocean blue. You were uncomfortable and tried to avert your gaze from him.

“There are rumors in the jujutsu world that one of your concubines is carrying your child. Is this true?” Gojo asked.

You looked at Sukuna with a fear in your eyes, and your hand unconsciously moved to your abdomen.

“And so what?” Sukuna appeared confident.

“Do you allow yourself to be fooled?”

“Better shut your mouth or you’ll lose your other eye too. This child is mine.”

“But the curses can’t…” The sorcerer attempted to interrupt Sukuna, but Ryomen cut him off.

“I am the King of Curses.” He said, not wanting to admit there was something special about you.

Gojo continued.

“Anyway. We want to take the child and analyze it. After it’s birth, of course.”

“Are you so foolish to enter my home and speak to me like that?! Have you forgotten the way I brought you to your knees? How you all begged for that damn peace. And yet, here you are at my table with the mother of my child, asking for it to be taken away?” Ryomen was enraged, but Gojo showed no fear. “You will all suffer again, and there will be no more peace. I’ll burn this world if you or any of your stupid sorcerers dare harm my woman or our child.”

“Do you remember the terms of the peace? If you attempt to start the war again, you will die.” You looked at Sukuna, but he didn’t look back.

“I don’t care about myself or jujutsu. This woman and our heir are my priority now.” He took your hand under the table, without looking at you again.

“Well, I warned them! Shall we finally start dinner? I’m starving from my journey from Tokyo. Your estate is far from the capital.”

You and Ryomen exchanged glances. Gojo began to eat, and when he saw that neither of you was eating either, he paused in his chewing.

“Oh! By the way, nice to meet you!” He greeted you with a wave of his hand, which you responded to with a slow nod.

Sukuna gestured to the food and began the meal. He and Gojo engaged in a brief exchange of news about the jujutsu world. Following the events in Shinjuku, all the curses had split into two groups. One group under Sukuna's protection, was spared from exorcism by the sorcerers as they were not considered a threat anymore. The other group, however, refused to accept the peace, believing it was a humiliating condition for their King. These curses became increasingly radical, making themselves targets for the sorcerers because of their violent actions towards humanity.

“Who knows, perhaps your son will be the one to unite them.” Satoru remarked, leaving you and Ryomen staring at him in confusion.

“Actually, I didn’t reveal the child’s gender to her. You as always can’t keep your mouth shut, Gojo.” Sukuna rolled his eyes and stared at you with an apologetic smile. “I apologize, my dear. Maybe I have deprived him of one eye, but the other is still functioning.”

“Oops! I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry, my lady!” Gojo covered his mouth with a hand.

“It’s alright. Never mind.” You smiled at Satoru and glanced down at your abdomen.

After the meal, Sukuna asked the servants to take you to his chambers. He remained with Gojo, his demeanor intense. An hour later he returned to you and reclined beside you on the bed, covering his eyes with a hand.

“Are you well?” You inquired softly.

“Mhm. I am just tired from Gojo's presence. He can be quite irritating. But still…” Sukuna hummed in response.

He shifted to the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes.

“The higher-ups seek to take our child. Gojo came to warn me. While he may not be foolish enough to start another war, he is powerless against them.”

“I see.” You felt a deep sense of dread upon hearing this revelation. However, you did not want to reveal your fear to him. “I understand that you don’t need me to act rashly, so… if you suddenly need my help or at least my support, I’ll be there for you, ready to protect our son with my life...”

Ryomen glanced at you, noticing the determination shining in your gaze. He embraced you and placed a kiss on your forehead.

Sometimes, you and Sukuna spent nights apart from each other. There were no arguments or any other issues. You simply desired some space for yourself and also for your King. It was your seventh month, when you didn’t appear in his chambers for an entire week. He also refrained from pressuring you, but the absence of you and of the sound of child's heartbeat was excruciating. At midnight, he approached your chamber door and softly knocked. You opened and quickly brushed away the tears from your face.

“What happened?” Sukuna stopped your hand and looked at you impatiently.

“Nothing. Everything is fine.” Your voice trembled.

“Don’t lie to me, woman. I thought we trust each other.”

“We do, my Lord! We do!...”

“Then tell me, why you’re upset?”

You invited him into your chambers, and the two of you settled on the bed.

“A week ago, I had a nightmare. There were our son and jujutsu sorcerers. They…” You couldn’t continue, so Sukuna silenced you and wiped away your tears.

“Why didn’t you tell me?...” He asked softly.

“Because it was foolish. You told me you would handle it. And I didn’t want to bother you.”

“How stupid of you. Listen to me. We are together. You are carrying our child. Your problems are my responsibility. You shouldn’t have to struggle alone with these matters. Do you understand?”

You nodded at him and buried yourself in his embrace.

After breakfast on your eighth month, Sukuna led you somewhere with your eyes closed. Besides, you heard Uraume’s voice.

“Everything is ready, my Lord.” They said.

“What is it?” You asked with a soft smile, touching Ryomen’s hands over your eyes.

“You’ll see, my love.” He replied, kissing your shoulder and gently guiding you forward.

You heard a door open, and Sukuna finally removed his hands from your face. You were in a spacious room with midnight-black walls and a rug on the floor. To the left, there was a large crib with a canopy and above it hung a star-shaped mobile. Beneath the crib stood a basket filled with toys. There was also a baby dresser, a small couch and a changing table.

“It’s not perfect, but you can add something from yourself.” Sukuna said, surveying the room.

“No! It’s… amazing.” You said, tears welled up in your eyes as you looked around. “Did you do it all yourself?”

“Uraume assisted me.” He said, gesturing to his subordinate with a grateful nod.

“But it was the King’s idea.” They said with a smile, leaving the room.

Sukuna settled you on the couch and you gazed around in astonishment.

“I also wanted to ask for advice. Yesterday I visited Gojo, and he offered to teach our child when the first signs of his cursed technique appear, under our terms, but under his supervision.”

You took a deep breath and looked at Ryomen.

“And what do you think?” You asked softly, your hand on your abdomen.

“I don’t trust the higher-ups, but I believe Gojo. If he says there is no danger to our son under his protection… I suppose I can trust him.” He just shrugged his shoulders.

“If you agree, I agree too. Together, right?” You said, taking his hand in yours and smiling at him.

Sukuna leaned over and kissed your forehead.

In the ninth month, the entire estate was waiting for the imminent arrival of the King’s child. Sukuna's nerves were on edge, and he followed your every move with heightened attention.

“You don’t need to escort me everywhere, you know?” You teased him one day during a leisurely walk in the garden.

It was a cool sunny day, with the wind playing with your hair, so that you were constantly trying to brush it out of your face. Because of your skinny, your abdomen appeared larger than it actually was, and it felt heavy to you. Sukuna always offered his arm to support you while you walked. As the birth drew nearer, you began spending more time outdoors in the garden. The warm weather and the scent of the flowers that you had planted brought you immense joy. Your son seemed to enjoy these outings as well, for you could feel his kicks against your abdomen as you walked.

“But our child will soon be born, and I do not want you to be alone in that moment.”

“Look, our daddy is worried about us!” You told your abdomen.

“Of course I am worried! Who wouldn’t be?” Sukuna said offended.

Suddenly you bent over with a groan. Ryomen called out to Uraume and they materialized from thin air.

“Just kidding!” You exclaimed, raising your hands in self-defense, your face twisted in a guilty smile.

Sukuna rolled his eyes at you and clicked his tongue at you.

Later that day, the two of you shared a meal, discussing the name of your child.

“I like Katsuo*.” Ryomen suggested.

“And what about Ren*?” You asked with a grin.

Sukuna frowned and thought about the name.

“Nah, it’s too widespread. I suggest we wait until we see the child and then decide.”

You nodded in agreement, and the two of you continued enjoying your dinner. Afterwards, he escorted you to your room, promising to join you soon. You took a bath and were ready for bed, when you felt a sharp pain. Looking down, you saw water pooling around your feet.

“Oh no, no!” You cried out to Uraume with a broken voice.

They appeared immediately, staring at your leaking water in confusion.

“Please, call Sukuna!” You demanded.

“I can’t. The King left the estate and should return by midnight. I’ll fetch the midwives, they shall assist you.”

With Uraume’s departure, you attempted to reach for the bed. The agony subsided, and you began to breathe. As the two midwives entered the room, contractions returned. The women assisted you in a comfortable position, murmuring instructions into your ears. The pain intensified, and you felt warm tears trickling down your cheeks.

“I want Sukuna… Please, bring him here. I can’t do this without him!” You wailed, clutching the sheet in your fists.

Your vision blurred from the tears, and you saw Uraume disappearing again.

You didn’t realize how much time had passed when you felt Sukuna’s hand gently encircle yours.

“Hi, babe. I’m here with you, my love.” His soothing voice resonated.

“My Lord!...” You expressed your joy, but another pang elicited a groan from you.

You didn’t hear what he said to the midwives, but he leaned close to your ear and whispered softly, “I need you to breathe deeply and follow these women's instructions. Everything will be alright.”

You nodded at him and began to breathe in and out, holding his hands. When the next contraction came, you squeezed his hand so tightly that both of you heard snap of Sukuna’s finger.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry…” You looked scared, but Ryomen’s gaze remained calm and cool.

“It’s okay, my love.” He laughed at you and restored his broken finger.

When one of the midwives announced that she could see the head, you felt a brief moment of relief. But then the other woman urged you to push harder, and you threw your head back, your forehead uncomfortably sticky. Sukuna brushed your hair away from your forehead, gently caressing your shoulder and pressing kisses to your damp cheeks.

“It hurts! It hurts so much…” You felt as if every bone in your body were breaking.

“I know… But you are doing great!”

“Mhm…”

Time lost all meaning, but when you heard the child's cry, relief flooded through you. You saw the midwife hand Sukuna your son, and you smiled at both of them. Ryomen laid the child on your chest, settling beside you.

“This is our son. This is your mother.” The King said, presenting the child to you and bestowing a kiss upon your forehead.

“And here is your dad.” You cooed, feeling a hint of trepidation as you touched your child for the first time.

Your gaze fell upon the marks on his face, reminiscent of those on Sukuna’s. However, they vanished the moment you held him in your arms. Your son bore a striking resemblance to Ryomen.

“I guess, his name should be Taro*.” Sukuna suggested.

“Taro?” You questioned, receiving confirmation from him with a nod.

In that moment, everyone in the room sensed the need for privacy, leaving the three of you alone. You smiled at these two essential figures in your life, finally finding peace within yourself. ____________________________________________________

* Katsuo means victory and hero.

* Ren means lotus.

* Taro means great son.

[switchypanic]

Sentence Starter: "I didn't actually want you to stop…"

Content Warnings: One brief sex joke (because this is LUCIFER we are talking about) and tooth-rotting fluff between Lucifer and Lilith.

Word Count: 759 words.

"I didn't actually want you to stop..."

There were many things about Lucifer that Lilith enjoyed. His handsome features, his love of ducks, his tendency to dream big, his protective streak. However, one of her absolute favorite things about him was his smile. Whenever she saw it, it made her day ten times better, even in the dark underworld of Hell. As such, she made it her mission to make him smile as often as possible.

Now, this wasn't always easy. Being king came with a number of stressors, especially with the angels constantly breathing down his neck, and there were days were Lucifer came across as a man on the brink of losing it. However, over their many decades together, Lilith had found more than a few ways to put a smile back on her beloved's face.

The first was attention. Lucifer was, and always had been, an attention whore. The man ate up any love and affection his wife was willing to give, returning it tenfold.

The second was their daughter. No matter how bad of a day he was having, seeing that fanged smile on their little toddler's face always had Lucifer cracking up, cooing over how much she looked like her mother (Lilith couldn't see it; Charlotte was Lucifer's spitting image).

The third method, however, was her favorite, and what brought her to her current situation.

Lucifer had been having another hard week. He had a ton of meetings to attend with the other sins, another Extermination coming up, and Charlotte had been sick, making the poor man worry himself half to death. While their daughter was getting better, and Lucifer had managed to get all of his business wrapped up in a somewhat neat manner, he was still stress beyond belief. As such, Lilith had taken it upon herself to improve her husband's mood the best way she knew how.

However, what she HADN'T been expecting was the downright pitiful look her gave her when she had finally stopped, followed by that fateful sentence uttered just under his breath.

"N-Now darling, surely we can talk about this?" Lucifer stammered, a nervous grin nearly splitting his face in two. He had his hands raised in front of him, eyes locked onto hers warily. "I-I was just kidding! And I'm not sad anymore, see? I'm smiling!" He chuckled awkwardly; Lilith wasn't convinced in the slightest.

"For the devil himself, you're an awful liar." The demoness teased, delighting in the way her husband's cheeks turned a bright pink. She took a step closer, mouth curling into a playful smirk.

Lucifer took a step back, his shoulders already shaking with barely contained titters. "Lilith, my love! Light of my life! You don't gotta do this! There's other ways to cheer me up; ways that would be pleasurable for you, too?"

He was trying to seduce her, a tactic that would usually work. However, seeing him already starting to crumble before she had even laid a hand on him only made Lilith all the more eager to execute her plan.

"Nice try, sweetie, but I'm craving something else today, as you are already well aware." Lilith took another stride closer, beginning to close the gap between them. The king attempted to back away again, but his legs wouldn't move, knees feeling like jello. Oho, the way that woman could disarm him with a single word or glance! "Besides, we both know you MEANT what you said. You want to get wrecked that badly, hm? I'm more than happy to indulge you, you know."

The woman reached out, taking her husband by the arm and pulling him closer. She wrapped him in an embrace before turning him around, holding the shorter demon against her chest. "Oh my, you're a mess today, aren't you?" She crooned.

Lucifer squirmed against her, biting back a flustered whine as his heart hammered in his chest. "Lilith..." He mumbled softly. "Come on, don't tease me! You did enough of that earlier, didn't you?"

"There's no such thing as too much teasing." The woman chuckled, pressing a kiss to her husband's neck. "So, you'd rather I just go all out, hm?" Lilith asked, smirk growing as she heard his breath catch in his throat. "Well, if you insist..."

"Wait wait wait, that's not what I-" Lucifer was cut off by a startled squeal, feeling his wife's hands begin to squeeze at his sides firmly and quickly. He bit his lower lip, trying desperately to hold in his giggles. "Lilith, nohohohoho!"

And he failed pretty much immediately.

[ragnviindrz]

I like your writing so much. Can I request a yandere!Kaveh x f!reader but its somnophilia and when reader wakes up he doesn't stop and keep non-conning her? Sorry if its sounds hard to understand, English isn't my first language.

I understand if you're uncomfy to write!

did you sleep well? // kaveh x f! reader

info: ever since you moved in with your cousin alhaitham, kaveh's had his eyes on you... but you seem to be oblivious to his advances and he takes you whilst youre a sleep instead.

this content includes: NONCON, somnophilia (unconscious people dont want tea), unprotected sex, piv, creampie, dacryphilia, spanking ig, p*rn without plot, drugging, panty stealing, hes cooch drunk, overstim (both parties), multiple orgasms

note: ive been CRAVING for kaveh stuff now, ever since ive started trying to build him and baizhu. tumblr stop flagging my posts pls :(

tysm for requesting, im glad you like my writing and ur english is perfect dont worry! <3

two more works coming in soon, sorry for inactivity as i'm so busy.

Ever since you moved in with Alhaitham, being introduced as his cousin (with Kaveh being surprised because how can you be related to him?!?), he's always had his eyes on you.

He cannot help but jerk his dick whilst imagining it was your hand. You were just so pretty. He's even stolen some of your panties from the wash, using it to jerk his cock off and having to shove it deep in the bag to stop anyone from seeing the thick gooey liquid on it. Hell, he's even taken on the laundry much to Alhaitham's surprise.

Today, he insisted on making dinner - which the scribe wasn't too bothered on, as he just nodded and went back to his own thing.

Little did the two of you know, Kaveh had slipped something in your food - a drug that'll help you fall asleep so he can do whatever he wants.

That's how he's in this position right now, his face buried between your legs as he flicked his tongue on your clit. You were wet, and let out tired moans and whimpers. You've already came twice, but he hasn't stopped yet.

Unconsciously, your hips bucked to meet his face - more reason why he thinks you're enjoying it. His trousers were tight, his erection wanting to be free. God, he was so hard already. Letting out groans of satisfaction as he dived in your wet slit, he unzipped his pants finally allowing his hard cock be free.

He wrapped his hands around it, jerking it slowly as he ate you out. For the third time, you squirted all over his face. He thought the sight was absolutely stunning, his mouth and face dripping with your juices as he came on your sheets. He'd have to clean that up later.

Kaveh wiped his mouth, and kissed you deeply, shoving his tongue in your mouth as he aimed his erect cock against your wet folds and slid in. He let out groans in the kiss, as he came once again - this time deep inside your pussy.

This doesn't stop him, of course - as he slowly thrust in and out of your wet folds. It was easy, since he had prepped you before.

He pulled away from the passionate kiss, a string of saliva connecting the two of you before it snapped. His thrusts got faster, as you start to stir - though he hasn't noticed yet.

Slowly, you opened your eyes - feeling filled up and extremely sore. Your pussy unexpectedly clenched around his cock, squirting once again. Looking up, you saw your cousin's roomate - seemingly deranged and absoloutely out of it.

"Kaveh.. What are y— Ah!~" Your sentence was abruptly stopped as he thrust inside, hitting a sweet spot.

"Shh... F*ck. That dose wasn't enough to knock you out. Whatever. This is better when you're awake anyways." He grabbed onto your arm, holding it against the bed as he practically pounded into you like a madman.

"Kaveh.. Stop~!" You groaned out when he hit that sweet spot inside you. He seemed to take notice of it, and continued his never ending pouding. Some of his cum, from the previous load has been bulldozed out of your tight pussy.

"You feel so good.. I can't... Please cum with me.." He whispers in your ears, placing a wet kiss on your cheek. He kept hitting that spot, making your eyes roll back. His thrusts, although sloppier - still made you feel good. He removed one of his hand from holding your arm, and started to rub your clit in a circle.

Clenching around his cock even more, making him almost unable to pull out as he let out gasps. He watches your tears, biting his lips and his thrust got even more sloppier.

After three more consecutive pounding, you two came together. Clenching hard against his hard dick, he finished inside you again. He teared up from the overstimulation, but he kept himself buried inside your wet pussy.

He hoped that his seed would take...

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in - August 12th, 2023 🎀

My updates have been a little spread out, but I am happy to announce that I will be (hopefully) posting updates more regularly with my university classes starting for the fall semester and now that I'm also back at my original job! It definitely gave me a reason to stick to my routine so I have a good feeling about all of this!

With the new semester starting comes new goals, which I will be making a separate post about! It's going to somewhat detail my personal, academic, and social goals for the fall semester. So stay tuned for that!

I also began intermittent fasting recently as I have read that it helps with PCOS (which I do have, along with hypothyroidism). My goal is to become healthier physically and mentally, and I believe that doing this will only improve my quality of life! I currently am doing 16:8, and I love it because it works with my schedule and eating habits I usually already have!

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Brunch - One piece of brioche style white bread with two slices of cheddar cheese and a spoonful of scrambled eggs and a side of diced potatoes with ketchup.

Dinner - Taco Bell <3 A nacho bell grande and a crunchwrap Supreme with lots of Diablo sauce

Snacks - 2 cups of coffee with one sweet n low each and French vanilla creamer, and one mocha cold brew shake from the coffee shop on my university campus.

I decided to treat myself to Taco Bell tonight since I was craving it and had the money to do so. I actually ordered more than I ended up eating, so I gave the rest to my roommate.

🩷 Workout - Upper Body Pilates-ish

I loved this so much the first time I did it that I wanted to include it again! ait gives such a nice burn and feel after completing it and I honestly wish it was longer, it's that good!

I wanted to try this one because I think fixing posture is helpful, and honestly, those 90 shoulders are really aesthetic. I don't think this is going to give me *drastic* results until I lose some weight and lean out a bit, but I think helping to fix my posture is such a good idea to help with back pain and avoiding text neck! I liked this one, but there were a couple of stretches that were a bit hard to complete, given my current weight. But I'll keep doing this til I get it!

🩷 Habits I Accomplished Today -

Made my bed

Morning and Night Skincare

Morning Guided Journal

Daily Journal

Reas 1 Chapter of a book

Morning Workout

Stretching

Today was definitely a good day, especially since I completed most of those before going to work at 715am! I'm super proud of myself, and I hope to keep my progress going and continue bettering myself!

🩷 Song of the Day: Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift

This song is soo good. I've never been a Swiftie but I've started getting into a couple of her songs, I like how soft they sound.

🩷 Current Read - Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

This book has been in my shelf for a few months and since I've recently gone long distance with my boyfriend, I figured it would be a good idea to educate myself on attachment styles and ways to healthily navigate relationships. I'm two chapters in and I already love it!

That's all for the day! I'll update you guys again tomorrow! Thank you for all the love <3

Til tomorrow, my lovelies 🩷

[komaedailoveyou]

Florist!Nagito x reader , Like a flower craves for the light of the sun

#. — an unfinished fanfic so far, more chapters tba in the future!

#. contents! — f!reader , slight komahina, slight chiakixreader, angst with a happy ending, alternate universe, no deaths or violence, depictions of BPD, smut, but, a LOT further into the fic, slowburn, nagito is a florist, reader is socially inept.

#. word count! — 3.7k .

#. > . . .<

" Again, I'm terribly sorry for just-"

" Don't worry Peko...t's fine. "

You cut your assistant worker off as she started to apologise, you knew that it wasn't here fault that you hadn't been given the correct itinerary of fabrics needed, and you could have checked a little more thoroughly, being honest, but a part of you just wanted to get on with the work.

Peko was standing near your desk, where you were sat, a lamp next to you as you fiddled with your sewing machine, you had fabric draped over your furnishings, the floor, everywhere you can name it, because you knew you'd pick it all up, so the little mess was just convenient for the now. She wove a hand through one of her braids, twirling them around as she watched you work. " I can try to get you a later deadline, if that would be better? " she suggested to you, which you immediately shook your head to, the hum of the machine made her jump a little, as you hadn't warned her you were about to start, she was cute, you'd thought, you were lucky you'd been given such a nice assistant, even though you had insisted that you did not need, nor want one.

" Nah, I'll be fine Peko, seriously. " Your voice had quietened as you were now beginning to get focused, your hands carefully guiding the dress. " You should go home, I'm sure your boyfriend misses you. " You said with a hint of teasing in your tone.

Peko sighed, " You'll be staying up through morning, no? I'll stay to make sure you don't end up collapsing. " She replied seriously, she knew you wouldn't just decide to take a break on something so important to you, so, she had already planned to stay, she had called Fuyuhiko before this to let him know of your new arrangements, which, she had decided, but knew you wouldn't argue against them.

" Fine, Fine, but if you get bored, you can always leave. " You had wanted to thank Peko, but the words " Thank you " just didn't end up coming from your lips, you really were awkward at this, you weren't sure why you had even been given the ability to speak, since you couldn't even convey your thoughts properly. You hoped that she knew you were grateful, but, it was rare for her cover to slip too, although, maybe that's why the two of you got along so well.

Peko just nodded in reply, before wandering off into your kitchen, she knew you hadn't ate anything yet, and she didn't want you to end up dying of starvation, so she decided whilst you worked she was going to cook you something, so you would take at least a minimal break before sewing your fingers together. She rummaged around in your kitchen, and settled on making you linguini. You had quite a lot of pasta in, as in your words " It's quick and easy, why wouldn't I have so much of it? " It's not that she disagreed, she just wished you would eat more than just pasta, and the occasional snack.

She set a pan up on the stove, and turned the oven on, she looked back at you, you were completely focused on your work, yet, your eyes were clouded over with something that Peko couldn't quite figure out, maybe something good had happened to you today? She hoped so, you deserved more nice things than the mediocrity you normally received. She filled the pan with pasta, and sprinkled a bit of salt into it, She was making enough for the both of you, because she didn't want you to start nagging at her to eat as well, she knew you'd feel odd if she just sat and watched you do so.

She would often cook for you, and you never seemed to argue, she had came to her own conclusion that you weren't very well versed when it came to cooking, she would offer to teach you, but a part of her wasn't sure if the two of you were actually friends, or if you only let her do this because it was a work relationship, and if that were all. Peko had thought you disliked her at first, saying she really didn't need to help you, and things along those lines, she wasn't sure if just the thought of her existence was a bother to her, which, she hadn't minded, the opinions of others never really plagued her, she knew who she was, but, if she was going to work for you, a selfish part of her wanted for you to like her, even just a little bit.

She finished preparing the food, and she watched you a little longer, also leaving it time to cool down, and for her to get you forks to eat with, she knew you didn't like it when your food was too hurt, as you frequently burnt your tongue, it was quite unlucky, she thought, but she knew you didn't like to be told such things, so she'd keep them to herself.

When you'd gotten to a point where you turned off the machine to change where you were sewing, Peko coughed, walking over to your couch. " I made us a meal, do join me, please. "

You placed the dress down, before standing up from your desk, and you walked over to where Peko was, sitting down next to her, it was a little cosy, but you hadn't ever had people over, so you didn't think you needed a bigger one, so there you and your assistant were, sitting weirdly close to each other, as she handed you your plate. You begun to eat without a word, damn, Peko was still as good at cooking as ever, you were so lucky to have somebody so good at just...everything by your side, the you who was only just good at one thing in this life. You had been getting pretty hungry too, so you were lucky she had decided to cook, as you definitely weren't going to that night, or, well that morning. It was just gone 12, and you were pumped with so much adrenaline to do your work that you couldn't even spare a thought to think about sleeping.

You glanced over to her, she was eating her share too, and you couldn't help but notice she'd given you more than herself. She was always very kind, you'd thought to yourself, you weren't quite sure which god you had appeased to in your past life to be deserving of such a person.

She glanced back at you, with a soft smile.

" I appreciate you...cooking this for me, " you mumbled, looking at her face, but not directly making eye contact, that was too much for you. " and for staying up with me, you're a good assistant, Peko. " you continued to eat after you let a crack of honesty slip through, you weren't a very fast eater, because you felt sick too easily if you ate too much in a short period of time, so you just sat there listening to the lack of noise around you, after-all, everybody living around you was probably asleep by now, you were just weird.

You chuckled to yourself, and Peko tilted her head, not sure what you were reacting too, but she didn't ask.

" Of course, It is my job, Afterall. "

" I don't think your job contracts you to stay in my home all night and cook for me, does it? " You'd said that as a joke, before quickly realising that you could have sounded rude, so, you stumbled over your words. " but--! It can just be a verbal contract between us, then. "

Peko smiled at you, she knew you hadn't any ill intent the first time, but, she couldn't deny it was a little funny to watch you cover it up. " That sounds good to me. " she replied, her tone being more warm than motherly right now and your conversation came to a natural end, and the two of you sat and ate in silence now, a little closer together than before.

You finished, and waited until Peko's plate was empty, before you took it from her hands, wordlessly walking over to your sink, and placing them on the side next to it, before you began to fill it with water, you then moved to get the other kitchen utensils Peko had used , and put them near the plates too. You grabbed the washing up liquid, and squirted it inside of the water in the sink, and waited for it to create bubbles.

Peko was a little surprised at your sudden movement, and she followed quickly behind you. " I have all morning Peko, I can spare ten minutes or so to clean up the dishes. " You tried your best to give her a reason to let you do it, as she seemed adamant on doing tasks in your house, you were worried she thought of you as some child she had to babysit instead of an adult, well, that did explain why she was insistent on staying with you, it's not like you were strict and told her not to do anything, even if you tried, you weren't completely sure if she would listen to you.

" I made the mess, though. " She argued with you, she already had a cloth in hand, stupid Peko and her stupid shoes that always let her be one step ahead of you... You thought to yourself, you bit the inside of your cheek, and walked over to grab a towel. " Fine...I'll dry." was your reply to her, and as a response she start to wash the dishes, with you at her side, it was often the two of you would just be doing your household chores together instead of you actually being able to focus on your work, however, you were certain if not for Peko, you would live an extremely lonely life, so, even if this was all you managed to do, you weren't complaining about that fact.

She handed you the dishes after she'd washed them, and you carefully dried them off with your towel, before putting them back in the cupboard which they had came from originally, and with her cleaning skills, you were done relatively quickly, yet it felt like you hadn't worked in hours. Spending time with your assistant, sure could be fun.

You yawned a little, and Peko noted that soon she should make you some coffee, to help keep you awake, since it was your decision to be up, she couldn't change your mind, yet she could aid you at least. " Time to get back to work, " You returned back to your desk after the kitchen was all nice and clean now, Peko was emptying the remaining water from the sink. You were pretty sure you could finish at least a half of your work tonight, now that you were all invigorated.

" We've got a long morning ahead of us, feel free to go to sleep if you get tired, Peko. " you hummed, before you got started on the dress again, Peko nodded in response, although, she was pretty sure she wouldn't be going to sleep, she had stayed up many nights at your side already, never from you asking, it would always just be on her own decision.

and with that, you returned to completely, well almost, focused. Then, Peko remembered, she had completely forgot to ask what it was earlier that you were thinking about, it was too late now, she guessed she would never know.

It was around 7AM when you'd finally clocked it, you had only taken one other break the entire morning, which was to go to the bathroom, and that was only quick. It always shocked Peko how you could just sit and work for so many hours straight, she really admired that about you.

You had already turned the sewing machine off, as you could tell you were close to passing out, yet you hadn't managed to make it to your bed, instead, you were uncomfortably slumped over your desk. Peko sighed, walking over to you, and with ease, she managed to pick you up, she frequented the gym, so she was very strong, but, you were never awake to know that she would often carry you, she wasn't sure what type of reaction you'd end up having to her.

She carefully carried you over to your bedroom, and when she got there, she temporarily held you with old hand so she could pull the duvet up, and then she placed you down onto your mattress, then pulling the duvet back up, she was just making sure you wouldn't be too cold. You stirred a little in your sleep, but she knew you wouldn't wake up soon, as you'd only just gone to sleep.

She moved a stray strand of hair out of your face, and she moved to leave, walking to your bedroom door. " Sleep tight. " she whispered, before shutting it behind her. She had a key to where you lived, so, when left left through the living room, she locked the door behind her, she couldn't wait to finally go home, and rest herself, but it was worth it to stay up with you, even if you didn't say it, she knew that you needed somebody there with you.

She walked down the hallway, and up to the elevator, where she would normally leave from, yet, when she got there, there was a big " OUT OF ORDER " Sign on the front of it, which she looked at, quizzically, in the three years which she'd been coming over, the elevator had never even broken one time, this was strange.

Peko never normally saw anybody when she was leaving your apartment, so naturally, she jumped when she heard a voice coming from behind her. " Ah, you have to take the stairs, it broke yesterday. " she turned around, and saw a man, taller than her, with white hair, she had never seen him before, she was sure of it. She just nodded, and started to walk down the stairs next to the elevator, and she heard footsteps behind her, so, she presumed whoever that guy was also needed to come downstairs.

" It broke the day I moved her, I must be awfully unlucky, right? " He laughed to himself as he walked down a few steps behind her, well, he seemed friendly enough for Peko to reply, with.

" I guess this floor is full of unlucky souls, then " She said fondly, thinking about you.

" What are you talking about? " He asked her, confused, that's how Peko knew for sure he was new there, if he hadn't met the hermit herself. " Ah, it doesn't matter. ", was all she could reply, she knew you wouldn't be happy if she went around making friends for you.

It had been a while since Nagito had taken the train, normally, He'd just be driven where he wanted to go, but he didn't know how to drive himself, so he didn't really have a choice.

He walked to the station as fast as he could, it was colder in the mornings, so he didn't like to be out in them, so he'd rather be inside, his hair was blowing softly in the wind, he had to keep moving it, out of his face, it was times like these that made him consider cutting it off, however, he liked it just a bit too much to do that, and his friends told him, it was one of his " charm points " , he didn't see it, but, he guessed he thought his hair at least did look nice.

Whenever he needed to cross the road, the lights would turn from green to red, so he would have to stop and press one of the buttons on the traffic lights, he didn't mind waiting too much, since he knew he wasn't going to somehow miss the train, since he had made sure he would be early.

He was a little confused how quiet it was here at this time, back where he used to live, there would most definitely be traffic, but, that's the joy of small towns, he supposed, he was worried about something, though. He was worried he stood out, living there, as if he was too different, the stranger he'd ran into yesterday, she seemed to stare at him, and Nagito hadn't been sure what to make of it, did he look weird? Should he have not moved here to begin with, was it really that bad of an idea?

He didn't want to even be acknowledged when he was outside in public, so maybe he should make an effort to not stand out.

He laughed to himself about how pathetic he sounded, and cleared his head of those thoughts, he grabbed his earphones from his pocket, and plugged them into his phone, before deciding to play music the rest of the way, he would rather be listening to somebody else than be forced to listen to the voice inside of his head, Nagito heard it all the time, he deserved a break from it, he thought.

It was almost empty when he'd reached the train station, there were a few scattered around, but that was it, He looked up, and saw he had ten minutes to wait before it got here, at least he was lucky enough for it to not be rescheduled without warning, he would definitely be able to go and open his shop in time, that was good. He smiled to himself, he just listened to his tunes and waited until the train arrived, he sat in the third carriage, and he was on there for around twenty minutes, before hopping off.

Nagito hadn't actually been from the train station to his shop, but, he was certain that it wouldn't be too much of a difficult task for him to carry out, he would definitely be able to find his way.

Or, he thought so, until he ended up being fifteen minutes late as he'd made a wrong turn walking there.

He had sped up his pace as he had been walking, so, now he was a little out of breath, being a florist and all didn't require for him to really exercise too much, he just didn't see how it could help, unless the flowers all ended up becoming sentient and declared war against the human race, Nagito never ruled that possibility out, however, he would probably not be the person to fight them, he may even decide to join them, if that were the case.

He was thinking about that as he hastily unlocked the door to his shop, flicking the ceiling lamps on, and adjusting the room temperature as he walked inside, the smell of flowers hit his nose as he did, he was rather fond of it.

He flipped the sign on the front of the door, so that it read " Open" , and he tied his hair up into another ponytail, so that it didn't get in his face when he was working, he supposed when he did, he sort of looked like the typical guy to be working in a florist shop, he couldn't even remember what sparked his interests in flowers, maybe it was the garden which grandma had? Or maybe it was the garden at school where he would always sit alone at, he just knew that for all of his life, flowers had been there for him, and even though there were so many, he thought each and every one was a spectacle, he hoped that the rest of the world felt the same as him.

He wouldn't expect so many customers at an early time of the day, he just liked to be there, just in-case, you never know when a flower related emergency will happen, like somebody needs to desperately apologise to a lover, or a friend, or if flowers for a venue such as a wedding, or a funeral have been ruined last minute, and they're in need of a replacement, if Nagito couldn't even be there in times like that, he thought he would be a very lousy shop owner, he'd even go as far to say worthless.

He loved to research the meanings behind flowers, he had dedicated so much of his life to that craft, he had to feel like he as good enough at something, anything to feel like he was needed in this world, and so he read, and read, and read, until he had memorised as many flowers as he could, at least half of the thoughts he ever had would end up being anything floral. He felt as if that was a little strange sometimes, but, it wasn't that huge of a deal, not really.

He walked around his shop, re-arranging and taking apart displays of flowers, making sure his carefully crafted bouquets still looked as good as new was a major priority for him, he couldn't allow for anything to be less than perfect in there, or he'd have to close the shop down as a whole. He was adding to some peonys, when the phone rang, he rushed over, with a " Hello, How may I help you? "

His shift was beginning earlier than he had thought it would today, maybe, that was a good thing.

Nagito worked alone, which, he somewhat liked, it meant that he could display everything as he wanted to, and that he could open and close at times he chose, but, it made the whole aspect of working, a lot more stressful, everything was on him. He had to talk to every customer, convince them what to buy, he had to be expert, and, as much as he was awkward in the social aspect, he wanted to change that, if it were possible. Maybe he could start looking for somebody to work with him, but, he wasn't sure if anyone would even be interesting, it's not as if there aren't funner jobs out there, Nagito, just liked his little flower shop.

He'd have to think it over, f he wanted to start looking or not, that was a big decision, and it being up to him, honestly was stressing him out.

After a long day, it reached 5PM, meaning, he could start closing the shop down.

In the end, Nagito had decided to pick up some Hibiscus flowers, to put in his apartment.

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

Wow, I barely remember writing that last post. I started to rehash my sleep pattern from the past day but nope, already blogged about that.

So it's been 8 years since the last time he won, and the day after the 2016 election was my first day back in therapy: I wore all black, and continued to see him until the pandemic made therapy virtual and that just straight up sucked, so he and I agreed to stop and I eventually moved. I still wonder if he's alive, and often think about reaching out. I'm wearing all black again today; in so many ways, I feel like a completely different person, but I wonder if I've made eight years' worth of progress. Would he be proud of me?

I have indeed been up since 0130, I took 5 around 7a and immediately logged into work, then I took another 5 after my IT call wrapped up at 1030. I had a full french press of coffee, 2tsp of matcha, two rounds of ACV tea, a mug of black tea, and plenty of water. My stomach has growled but in the satisfying way, not the craving way. I continue to read articles on protein and nutrition to support muscle growth, fat loss, etc. and I feel good that I'm on a sustainable track. I've been doing strength exercises throughout the day when I need a break but don't want to waste the Addy getting sucked into my phone; I'm slowly increasing all my maxes and yet I don't feel like I'm pushing myself to injury or even soreness. It's all good.

I wish I could do the Addy all the time - I've been incredibly productive at work, even though my anxiety and avoidance with a coworker and a few projects has tried to tug my attention away from work. I'm putting my phone on airplane mode and working for 20m to an hour at a time. I'm knocking things off my to-do list and sticking to my calendared tasks more than usual. I easily think I can make it to my 16h mark even though I ate late last night. I have until 1700 to work, and then a 2h call with Wilson and then bed - hopefully I crash so I can keep my early morning schedule.. just not 1a.

I feel how fast I'm typing, how fast I'm thinking. I've kept a notebook next to me today so I can jot down my thoughts when I have them instead of going to my phone to do whatever, or staying vigilant trying to remember the thought and creating a split-attention situation for myself. I've had a candle burning all day that smells nice. Some of it might be hypomania, I'm sure a lot of it is the Addy, and I really like it. I just wanted to record here all the interventions and results I'm experiencing today, to see if I can replicate it clean. It's also taking the edge off the booze cravings I've been having - wanting to be loose and fast and easy.

Oh God finishing the tandem read of TOG was so good this morning. I did really like that. I'm grateful for this season of life where I'm not over-scheduling myself, so that I can fully sink into my own ecosystem in my apartment. I don't think this level of control is sustainable, and I have noticed myself feeling anxious and even a smidge agoraphobic when I'm out in the world I can't control my energy or intake, but this time to experiment and fuck around and go full tilt seems like an incredibly valuable phase of growth for me that I've been craving for a long time. I'm glad a scheduled a cleaning day with ICD on Friday and I have my normal chores on Sunday+a walk with MUC, but otherwise my evenings and entire Saturday are wide the fuck open.

The quality of my writing has definitely deteriorated but I'm mostly here to free associate journey, not anticipate or please an audience. So hi, babes, it's just you and me. No one to judge, it is what it is, observe and acknowledge and accept and we can handle whatever flows from that.

Now go take advantage of your drugs and do those goddamn Q audits so you can get your email out by 5p.

[procalpal]

31 Aug 2024 | 11:26PM

Life in numbers

For many years my entire life has been revolved around numbers.

How many calories are in this? How many slices should I eat? How much weight have I lost/gained? What size pants am I now? How many days until I can binge again? How many hours since I last ate? It's only 11am, that's too early for breakfast. It's past 6PM, I shouldn't eat anymore.

Numbers mean so much to me. They are the centre of my every thought. Food following a close - almost equal - second place in my fuzzy brain.

Everything is revolved around numbers.

Today, I ate up to 620 calories of food until 7PM. Then I was out having dinner with a friend. I ordered the appetiser size of the chicken katsu, a small bowl of miso soup and a diet coke.

I thought that should be all. I may still be below 1200 calories - my daily calorie goal. But as dinner finished up, and I noticed the time, having only spent less than an hour with my friend, I knew we had to do something else. With it being the weekend, there wasn't much else we could do other than getting dessert.

A little bit of sweetness couldn't do too much harm right? I've been good all day. I've controlled my hunger and sweet cravings all day. I deserve this treat.

I will just offer to share so that I don't eat too much.

After dessert the sweet cravings would not go away. I bid farewell and we went our separate ways. I decided I deserved more sweets. I went to the closest grocery store and thought that a serving of "Hello Panda"s will satisfy and I shall make my way home.

The thing with living within the heart of the city is that venues close late, everything is within a walking distance and they are all terribly good at advertising.

I went to the store, walked through all the aisles and started my regular scan of calories, fats, carbs and sugar. Wanting to eat everything in sight, but putting everything back once I caught a glimpse of the nutrition numbers.

I noticed a woman doing the same, then it hits me that people are for sure watching me. They know I have a problem. They know why I'm checking the back of everything I pick up.

Upon realising that everything is too much, too many calories and carbs and fats and sugars. I opt for two mandarins, strawberries and a tub of zero sugar, 120 calories-a-tub ice cream.

Once I left the grocery store, I stumble upon an asian grocery store just across the previous store I was in. Perfect! They have the "Hello Pandas" conveniently displayed by the windows. I will buy a packet.

And so I do. Plus a packet of pea chips.

Making my way back home again I eat the "Hello Pandas". When I finish the snack, I think in my head that there is another asian grocery on the way, again.

I tell myself, if it's closed then it's the sign that should deter me from buying another snack.

I reach the store and it's closed. I'm disappointed, but a part of me is relieved.

But not a second longer I remember that conveniently, a convenience store is just by the crossing near my place. A packet of chips shouldn't hurt me.

So I buy some chips. Then finally I force myself to really go home now.

I shower, assemble the snacks I bought and begin a movie. In between snacks, I make a mug cake, melt some chocolate for the strawberries, grab some lollies from my pantry, eat some kimchi from the fridge. Every part of my brain is screaming at me.

Telling me just how disgusting I look. I avoid seeing reflections of my face, afraid to see that disgusting puffiness of my cheeks or the double chin adorning my already pimply cheeks and chin.

I refrain from body checking. But I still catch a glimpse. Knowing that my stomach is bloated, poking through my pajamas. I'm disgusted.

I hate the way my skin feels. The stiffness of my stomach because of how much I have gobbled down my throat. The feeling of my arms in the sleeves of my pyjama top.

I hate feeling weight. I hate feeling full.

But I also hate feeling hungry. Depleted of all energy.

There's no happy medium. I constantly think of food. Of how good a soft, sweet and moist cake would feel between my teeth right now.

I hate this. I want to have a good relationship with my body and food. I want to so badly eat, without feeling guilty after, without thinking of all these numbers that run through my head. Without thinking of how much I have to run to burn off all the calories I just consumed.

I want all of this, but I also want to be sick. I want to be sickly thin. I want people to look at me and think I'm small.

I don't want to be fat. I hate fat. I hate.

I hate telling people I don't like the taste of something, to make people think I'm a picky eater. When in reality, it's because I hate the amount of calories or carbs are in that food.

I hate ordering noodle soups just sip on the soup and leave the noodles aside. People telling me that I'm missing the best part. I know I am.

I love pasta, I love burgers, I love sushi, I love ice cream, I love pizza, I love cookies, I love cake, I love food. I love food. I love food. I love food.

But I hate weight. I hate calories, I hate fat, I hate sugar, I hate bloatedness. I hate being big, I hate not fitting into clothing. I hate. numbers.

I haven't had my period the past two months. People think it's stress. And maybe it is. But I know it's from not eating enough. While on holiday, I only ate about 1 proper meal a day. Only drinking a quarter of every drink I buy, taking about 3 spoons of food I order. And the majority of the food I ate were fruits. And now coming back home, I eat less than 1200 calories a day.

Until now, I just ate everything in sight.

But tomorrow that's changing. Even though I want a healthy body. I'm not thin enough. I'm going between 52-53kgs and I want to be in the 40s. September I am taking back control. I am going to lose that weight.

[kyetalksshit]

Another dream log!!!

I remember being in college for a lot of it even though I was also 29 in the team and it felt weird, and I acknowledged that I was living in a dorm again and about to move again (everyone else was moving out because it was the end of the semester) and since irl I know I'm not staying here long my brain decided that my place was a dorm in this dream.

A lot of that is fuzzy, I remember driving at one point and trying to hide from a cop, and I think there was a murder or something and a whole thing about a vampire? Oof I'm not sure what the plot was but I was in this big dark house locking every door and window so terrified someone would come in and the one who did was like... my vampire boyfriend or something I guess? I may also be misremembering the context because I'm awake.

Anyway, the most prominent bit that is still in my brain was at the end. It was my last day at petsmart (did not look like petsmart at all tho, I didn't recognize any coworkers, and the cage cards for the animals looked like the ones at my current job but I digress). There was a whole section of adoptable cats. And even knowing that I have a dog and two cats at home (irl AND in the dream) I was still determined to adopt one of these cats to give someone for my cats to play with, not totally taking the consequences into play such as I WOULD SUDDENLY HAVE FOUR ANIMALS AND STILL NOT OWN A HOUSE.

So at first I do the paperwork myself at the end of my shift to adopt this black cat. As we're getting him out I see that he has an ear infection and meds. I sign the cage card like I did the medication for him because I will now that I'm his new parent.

I take him home and my pets like just don't acknowledge him at all and vice verse. He is sweet and wants pets but he doesn't have the vibe I was looking for and he ends up looking entirely different up close than I'd thought. So the next day even tho I don't work there anymore I pack him up like I do, and take him with me. I quietly put him back and reverse the charge (I remember thinking he was $111 but when I was ready to adopt him saw he was $1,114 and was like uhhhhh wait I can't afford that, so my coworker at the time -- who looked like Jackie from my current irl job -- took off anything extra and just charged me like $60 for his shots and chip and stuff. So when I went to return him I expected $60 back but I got like $32 instead).

I do also remember feeling guilty about adopting and then immediately returning a cat and I rehearsed in my head what to say so nobody would think I was a bad person for it, and after I returned him and was looking back and forth for another one, my irl coworker Jackie came back and was being judgy and I said what I'd rehearsed, that he didn't really mesh or get along with my other cats, and Jackie was like ???? So???? You need to try harder! And I was like ???????? Because I don't know how to tell them I just didn't like this cat's real personality when I got it home.

I then walk back and forth and see that there are more cats today and keep almost getting different ones! I remember a little blonde cat named Nervous who ate Doritos and I was told that she was 11 years old. I met another black cat (name was like Friskie or something I don't know) with a few prominent white hairs and I wanted to take her home, but she was too much of a cuddlebug and wasn't going to play with my first cats. There were a couple times I saw a cat I liked but there was something that kept me from adopting them, or I wouldn't like any of them and keep pacing back and forth like when you expect the fridge to magically have what you're craving but it doesn't.

And then finally, FINALLY it occurs to me that hey, my cats are fine, they can play together or with me? And having 3 pets already makes it hard enough to move around LET ALONE if I had 4 and cats are expensive too so maybe I just shouldn't get a 4th cat?

And then I woke up.

[coliviataylor]

I'm exhausted

Can we just talk about how exhausting life has become? I feel the older I get the busier and busier I get and it is exhausting. Where I forget how to relax. I told Frank today that I would relax and I feel as though I was just so lazy but I didn’t “relax”. Does that make any sense? Probably not. I am just so tired lately. Especially being back at work. I knew being off for 6 months would be a shock to the body going back to full time but damn it is kicking my ass harder than I thought it would. It doesn’t help that I am still so bitter going back and I am miserable being there. Sorta. It is a long story that I don’t feel like getting into right now, another night I will explain it. 

So yeah just so exhausted. I am also exhausted from the flood of inspiration I guess you could call it, but the lack of time. I just have so much built up that I just want to get all off my chest. Ahhhh anyways I am finally watching the Eras Tour Movie. To say I am excited to finally be watching it is an understatement. I plan to talk about more of it later, for now I will just say I wish I could talk to you about this. About you work, About your life. About how you are truly doing. It has been exciting to see your life unfold as you re-release all your work, So because I am finally watching it, all the plans I had for the day went out the window. They will be for tomorrow. Actually I should write down a plan for tomorrow so I can stick to it and here is a good place to try that out. 

So tomorrow’s goals: 

Laundry, I want to at least get all our clothes washed and ready for the workweek. Oh and a load of towels. 

Clean the condo. Mostly tidy up and then mop the floors. It has been a couple weeks and I notice the older I get the more tightened my anxiety is when I have a messy place. I am trying to embrace the keeping it clean but its hard living with two boys. 

Make a match of cinnamon rolls for the monsters breakfast for the week. Plus I will and also try and bring it for my breakfasts at the office. 

Attempt at making cheesecake cupcakes. I am craving cheesecake so I though I will just make tiny ones for easy grab and go. 

Dinner prep with a chicken pot pie noodle skillet

Dinner prep for taco night. Not sure what night I am going to do it but I think Judo night! 

Prep some banana pancakes to put in the freezer. I recently made some and really enjoyed them. Then I put them in the monsters lunch one day and he ate them! I have been trying hard to get him to eat his lunches and when something new works it works, but then he starts to not touch it. So banana pancakes is a new idea I'm running with. Plus I might steal some for myself at work also. 

Make some Christmas Crack. I am craving it a bit after eating all this halloween candy. 

Make ribs for dinner. The monster is coming back from his moms and it will be just him and me. So might treat him with ribs and let his dad have the leftover for his lunches. 

Oh the list is already exhausting me. But if I get all that done I know I will feel good. I wasn’t able to relax today because all I thought about what all the things I wanted to get done. Then I kick myself in the ass for not doing it and because of that I couldn’t relax. So tomorrow I know I will be able to feel good once that is all done! I know it will also help me cruise through the week better. I am dreading work and a way I made it a bit more tolerable is a huge decluttering, so I look forward to spending my days with less mess to endure. If I have better order in my house I will feel good coming home at the end of the day. So hopefully writing it down will allow me to stick better to my goals. 

[so-litudinal]

I ended up making them, two packs of instant ramen in a single cup..... and I didn't even feel sick afterwards, just very guilty hehe :') I could've even gone for more. my body is really deteriorating. the day after, which was yesterday, I wanted to make some again only to realise I'd eaten all of it already and put the bag back in the cupboard without noticing it was empty. anyway today I made oatmeal and it actually turned out pretty good, and it wasn't even a pain to digest for once. cuz oatmeal always sounds like a good idea in my mind but then I have it and I get an upset stomach for hours. anyway. today I added half an apple to the pot and also some speculoos spice mix and brown sugar. I used my favourite bowl, even though I didn't deserve it. I ate while watching the last few episodes of azumanga daioh. the final episode got me real emotional, though I suppose that was to be expected. I've also started to randomly crave turmeric, like turmeric infusions or even turmeric oatmeal or that persian turmeric porridge type of breakfast I used to make years ago (I remember eating some on a morning before english class while watching episodes of dragon ball—what year was that again? 2014 maybe? I'm too lazy to try and remember. it wasn't exactly a good period in my life but there were good times here and there and it was definitely, unarguably not as bad as it is now ha!) what was that turmeric porridge called again???——nevermind, I just looked it up and it's called kaachi. I could've never remembered that name, I have absolutely no recollection of it. actually, I could've sworn it was called something else.... but oh well what do I know. now that I've found it, I could try it out again sometime. anyway. yeah, turmeric. that's fall for you, I guess.

feeling reckless and dumb (not cute) and full of self-contempt, might make some instant ramen later..... two packs maybe......

[justprance]

I love bananas so much omg

[timmymyluv]

double trouble

FAKE INSTA

dad!timothée chalamet x mother!reader

hope you guys missed the twins au! this is super cute and I love this domestic soft parenting theme so please enjoy 🫂

tchalamet shared a story

ynandtimo.fansite

liked by randomuser,datuser and 1.1m others

our lovely parents out for date night without the kids after a while. 💗

tagged yourusername, tchalamet

user7 my parents I think

ynfanbase wait 🤔so if in the first years since yn had the twins they'd accompany timmy for his rare one year projects but now he hasn't accepted anything new sans the movies he's already filmed 👀

dunestimo ok you have a point 😭 word on the street says yn is gearing for her fashion comeback both on the runway and on the magazine

username972 omg what if she goes straight for vogue usa when ur that girl 😌

bestgirlyn when you comeback from ur hiatus after raising kids with thee timothee chalamet strong as ever as the fashion world's darling >>>

datuser even her maternity and post birth clothing was always on point 😭without when trying shed look so good

user789 timo house husband era soon🔜

yourusername timo male wife

ynschalamet YN??!?! WHAT ARE U DOING HERE

yourusername nothing 😁just missed u guys

ynsbulgaria miss you too angel ❤️sending hugs and kisses to the fam

datuser whens the new album? also missed u on the runway queen

liked by yourusername

ynfanbase OMG SHE LIKED WGAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?

yourusername

liked by kendalljenner, gigihadid,stevenyeun and 20.3m others liked this

back to work? missed the chaos.

user876 not yn posting an actual candid pic of her backstage

yourusername im ngl it can get real crazy backstage at fashion shows 😭😭never been one to sugarcoat

bellahadid ditto

yourusername can't wait to walk the runway again with u baby bells 🥺

bellahadid me too my butterfly 🫂💗

devonleecarlson RETURN OF THE GOATTTT

hooooooyeony never lost your spark girl!

yourusername 고마워 언니! (thank you older sister!)

kekepalmer so excited bestie!!!

yourusername me too bby ❤️

tchalzfans

liked by randomuser, user824, and 569k others

papa timmy going on a walk with the twins in central park today! everyone was fairly skeptical and wanted to give the family the space but timo offered to take a few pics to the lucky fans who were so gracious/respectful.

tagged tchalamet

tchalamet do I have a dad bod yet? *drum hits to a lame joke*

user888 TIMMY 😭😭

yourusername you ate with me during all my cravings and still built like that nothing we can do about

tchalamet I can dream

yourusername keep dreaming wildcat

sandboxuser WILDCAT THE HSM REFERENCE WKDKEK

milliebobbiebrown 🎶you may sayyy I'm a DREAMERRR 🎶🎶

yourusername 😭😭MILLSIE PLEASR

user233 see guys how being respectful to celebs pays off

fan197 when we don't treat them like wild animals and actual humans who deserve privacy like everyone else>>>>

ynsgermany omg where's yn

yn4ever she announced her comeback to the runway remember? the kids are a little older and tim is taking some time off to be with the two while mama is back, still on top of her game 😌

trolls8 he looks a little tired

usernamehere now can u stfu if you were a dad to twin toddlers you'd look tired too you old hag

user111 😭😭

usernamehere if you wanna look tired i can give u a black eye or two you punk

odessamay I was the fan who took a pic with him here! he was so nice I felt shy to ask for a pic as I was also waiting for a bagel but he so kindly offered 🥺

laurieschalamet ooh what flavour of bagels did he get?

odessamay he got plain old cream cheese while he got some strawberry and cream bagels for yn!

ynsparadise yes I heard yn is still in nyc just having more meetings/photoshoots but she's not that far off from the kiddos

odessamay the kids are so cute clearly no one took pics of them to respect their privacy but they were so friendly and charming to the strangers they'd meet!! sometimes they were shy hiding behind their dad but they loved hugging/shaking others hands or even talking to them about anything ❤️

user87 yn and timo raised such good natured, well adjusted and polite kids

liked by nicoleflender

yourusername

liked by lilyrosedepp, noahschnapp,louispartridge and 29.3m others

first time on set since I had the twins. I admit it hasn't been the easiest and I was quieting down fears even as the cameras flashed. but to make it clear, I only look like this post childbirth bec of my genetics/natural physique, and the resources that allows me significant assistance during childbirth, running the household and a loving, dedicated staff whose main job is to keep me happy and healthy. Our bodies have done such a wonderful thing to bring a child to this world and you should treat your body kindly after, not push yourself to look a certain way after.

Your body changing after childbirth isn't a bad thing, if you don't wear the same pant size anymore, your organs rearranged differently or something changes colour or the stretch marks that form, everyone's body is different and let's celebrate that as long as it's not causing any significant harm, discomfort or illness to your lovely body.

I cannot thank the entire village who was by my side then and now when I welcomed my two little angels and the warm embrace as you've welcomed me back to the fashion world. To my muse, my partner, my other half @/tchalamet I cannot thank you enough for the love and sacrifice you've shown our family and I love love you so much mon amour.

tagged voguemagazine, tchalamet

tchalamet baby mama 💗

yourusername better be your only or else 🔪

tchalamet you can be sure of that ma'am 😁

florencepugh You better. Or Else.

usernamehere SO OMINOUS YN DEFENCE SQUAD SERIOUSLY

cher u look so sexi darling xxo 🎉💌❤️💜💙❗♨️🔊

user444 love cher and her blast of emojis wkdkdk

yourusername thanks cher!

anokyai missed you girl!!!

yourusername missed you too babes!! see you soon mwah 😘

jasminetookes amen to the message! you don't have to look like this childbirth you just delivered a baby from your pelvis that alone is so miraculous

phoebebridgers women are so powerful>>>>

liked by tchalamet,nicoleflender and paulinechalamet

emilyratajkowski love u mama

yourusername from one mama to another xoxox

[knynumber1simphere]

Muzan x Male Reader

An: This is by someone else, I just love Omegaverse, which it is by the way. Sadly it was in another language so I translated it fro ya'll. The greater is:

< @Lovetarjin > Lets Read, also I changed the prnouns because it was originally female Muzan, so sorry if I missed 1.

In the world there are three groups; the alphas, known to be the dominant group, the strongest among other things, then come the betas, common people so to speak, and finally the omegas, the last link in the hierarchies, generally mistreated by the dominant group, were considered people weak, submissive and that they only had to please their husbands, that's how it was before, nowadays many families had changed their way of thinking, at least the vast majority, _ is an omega that comes from a somewhat dysfunctional family, son of two alphas, Ryu, the father who put the seed in his birth, was raised in the old way, while Takeshi, who carried him in his womb, was raised in a liberal way, that caused you to have certain problems when raising his son , on the one hand they taught him to keep his future husband happy and on the other they taught him is to be independent, that undoubtedly only confused the minor, the child ended up being a very sweet person, by some miracle, since his parents generated They usually communicated with shouts, they had overprotected him since he was a child, that's why they didn't know when their son was already married to muzan kibutsuji, they couldn't avoid that, they let him be free, two years ago their little boy got married he had gone to live his happy marriage.

The Kibutsuji couple was waiting for the results, they needed to confirm, or deny, their suspicions

: can you stop spinning?, are you…-he didn't finish the sentence since he had to run to the bathroom, the red-eyed one took the pregnancy test, he could clearly see two lines, he was going to be a dad, he was going to be a dad!! Muzan: I'm going to be a father, we're going to be parents!-He yelled at his partner who was leaving the bathroom _: are you happy about that? -he asked hugging his partner's torso Muzan: of course, he is my son and my beautiful husband's, he said without moving away, he was going to have a family.

~•~

Muzan never expected to see his husband so changeable, in his moods, one moment he was happy, suddenly he was angry and if he answered he would start crying and go to his nest, because he already had a nest for his family , only Muzan was not welcome when his husband got angry with him. Like right now.

Y/n : muzan !!, I want chocolate strawberries, yes? -he said looking at his partner who hugged him against his body

Muzan: no, you already ate many, it's going to hurt you-he said seriously, let's say that his husband had many cravings, some fulfilled them and others didn't

Y/n: if you don't bring me strawberries with cream I'll go look for them-he said getting up with a little effort, after all a seven-month-old belly was not very easy to handle, but all his effort was in vain when his husband sat him down on her lap Muzan: you are not going to eat any more phrases with cream today-a big mistake was to tell him that, the omega began to cry Y/n: it's because I'm going to get fat, and you don't love me anymore-he said releasing his husband's hold and then going to his room where he went to take refuge in his nest, muzan let him stay alone for a few minutes and then went upstairs, when he arrived he could see his husband lying in his nest, but still awake Muzan: you're calmer now-she asked asking for permission to approach the nest, after all the omegas are very territorial when we talk about their nests and their puppies : I'm sorry for what happened, I don't know what's happening to me-he said taking his husband's hand and letting him enter his nest, they were both lying down Muzan: I understand, but we have to take care of the baby, it won't be long until it is born-he said caressing her husband's belly, they were still happy to be a family, that wasn't going to change.

Muzan knew that he had to finish once and for all with the demon hunters, if they won they would go after his family, they would not let a half demon loose in the world, for that reason, even a few days from him I give birth to his husband and decide to put an end to all this, everyone was ready to end this, thus the war between demons and demon hunters began.

~•~

They had won, after so much effort the demon hunters had fallen, the sun was beginning to rise so it was time for everyone to retire, while they were back home the demon in charge of his spurs approached him, before that he could do something to him for not taking care of his husband, he informed his that his husband had gone into labor, that made him hurry.

She arrived a few hours later, when she arrived they told him that his son had already been born, it was a boy, after all his son was half demon, he knew that his birth was not going to be normal, apparently it had been faster than expected, what They let his husband in to see her, who had their baby in her arms.

Y/n: muzan, I'm glad you're okay-he said kissing his husband -look at our little one-he said uncovering his baby's face

Muzan: he is very cute, just like his papa, we don't have to worry about the looks.

[killmongerskeeper]

Hi can I have riri with Smut #1 and Smut #6. 

Smut #1: “Don’t be a brat.”

Smut #6: “I haven’t even touched you yet.”

You heard the knock on your door and marked your place in the book you were reading, getting ready to complain to whoever it was that they stopped a good read. You pulled the door open to see your girlfriend Riri standing there with her bag over her shoulder. 

"Babe what are you doing here?" You smiled immediately reaching out for her. You pulled her in the room, clicking the lock before turning with a grin. She's the only person you'd let interrupt a good book. She grabbed your waist before kissing your lips softly. You smiled into the kiss before pulling away. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you had Micro today?" You questioned as she put her stuff down. 

"Like I need to attend." She spoke in a cocky attitude and you laughed. "Okay. So what's up?"

"Just came to see you is all. Haven't seen you in awhile." She grinned holding your waist. 

"You saw me last week." You retorted with a smirk. "Too long ago." Her lips found yours in an instant and you wrapped your arms around her shoulders. Her hands rested on your ass before you jumped on the bed. She wasted no time following you watching intensively as you shed your clothes, leaving you in nothing but your bra and panties. She was right. The last time you two had sex was a week ago. Now you longed for her to touch where you craved the most and you were content that she seemed you out for just that. The noticeable spot in your panties was enough to fuel her already large ego. 

"I haven't even touched you yet. Yet you're so wet right now." Her fingers delicately slid past the hem of your underwear. The place you desperately needed her to be. Be it with her fingers or her mouth you don't care. As long as she makes you feel good. Her thumb rubbed along your slit as she watched your face contort. She did nothing more than that and you let out an impatient whine. "Come on ma. You know I like to hear you."

You rolled your eyes playfully and she squeezed down on your clit. "Don't be a brat. I can leave and my vibrator can finish the job for me." You grabbed her wrist and shook your head.

"No. Touch me Riri." She smirked at you before her thumb pushed into you. You leaned your head back as you held onto the belt loop of her jeans. She brought her lips to your stomach and left lingering kisses along your skin. You felt her pull your panties down your legs before spreading you out like her last meal. You went to call her name but a long moan was as you could manage as her tongue flicked your clit to taste you. Your hand went to the back of her head as she held your thighs apart. You felt the coil tighten as she ate you out and you earned nothing more but to cum. She felt the way your walls clenched around her finger before she completely pulled away. You whined at the loss of pleasure and she slapped your thigh.

"Don't be a brat. We're not done." She quickly got undressed before moving to straddle your leg, letting her own pussy rub against yours. With your combined wetness, she ground her pussy into you and watched as you gripped the sheets. She lifted your leg so it was over her shoulder by the calf before kissing your ankle. You moaned out as her clit rubbed against your own leaving you panting and sweating. Fuck did it feel good. 

"Ugh fuck." You gripped her thigh as you felt yourself about to come undone under her. She threw her head back as she tensed, her own release drawing closer. She grinded against you in an unforgiving pace before leaning down to kiss you. "Cum with me." As if on command you tensed as your orgasm washed over you. She followed immediately after and moved her hips to coax you both through your high. She moved off of you before falling on top of you. You both laid there to catch your breath as she left small kisses on your chest. "You good?"

"More than good. I'm fucking golden." You laughed as you pulled the sheets over your bare bodies.

[arlecchno]

mission accomplished [ scaramouche x reader ]

five | sunshine & city lights

prev masterlist next

you and scaramouche have been avoiding each other for the past few days, until you’ve had enough and confronted him about it. things drastically changed when scaramouche finally opens up and lets you in more into his life, giving you more perspective on how he truly feels after the incident. will things change between the two of you too?

warnings: swearing, mentions of death (no worries no one’s dead), hurt and comfort i think

a/n: and chap 5 is here! i'm finally done with midterms, which means that i am gonna start updating regularly!!! i came up with the title while i was listening to sunshine & city lights by greyson chance on repeat (give it a listen pls), and i think this song fits scaramouche's and y/n's relationship perfectly. this chapter goes in more depth to scaramouche’s mental health, so happy reading!

grammatical errors may occur so please let me know if i've made any mistakes!

for the next following days, you never discussed about scaramouche’s recent behaviour. you never even bothered to ask him on his whereabouts after that.

things became slightly awkward between the two of you because of it. you and scaramouche barely talked, only on the occasions where either of you ask about leads on viktor’s case. scaramouche seems to be unbothered by all of this.

but you? you weren’t having any of it.

you barged in scaramouche’s room. “i’ve had enough of this. we need to talk.”

scaramouche was sitting cross-legged on his bed, laptop on his lap and files scattered on the bed. looks like he's working on the case.

scaramouche looked up to your form at his door. “you could’ve knocked, dumbass. ever heard of privacy?” he jabbed.

“i honestly don’t give a single fuck about that. we need to talk, now. whether you like it or not is not up to your choice. we’re gonna do this now or everything is going to get worse.” you seethed, closing the door and marching up to the end of scaramouche’s bed frame, crossing your arms.

scaramouche scoffed, taking off his glasses and placing it on his nightstand. “what is it that you want? stop wasting my time and get to it.”

you sighed, taking a seat at the edge of his bed. “you’ve clearly been avoiding me for the past few days now. i want to know why.”

“...avoid you?” scaramouche questioned. “y/n, do you hear yourself? scaramouche let out a half-heartedly chuckle. you raised a brow, confused.

“you’re the one that’s been avoiding me. hell, you never even ate the food i’ve made these days nor do you even bat an eye at me whenever we went pass each other in campus. you should be the one asking that to yourself.” he said, looking at you.

you looked back at him, even more confused.

“huh…?” you were stunned, thinking that if you’re the one that’s been avoiding him.

tuesday

“why didn’t you eat the food i’ve made for you? i thought i texted you about it.” scaramouche asked, looking at the untouched food in the fridge.

“'m not hungry.” you mumbled from the couch.

wednesday

“are you really not gonna eat first before your class?”

“ah, no. i’ve already eaten at the campus cafe, and i'm already late for class.” you said to scaramouche, leaving the dorm.

today, thursday

“what the hell do you think you’re doing?” scaramouche asked, slightly annoyed at how you’ve been avoiding from him these past few days.

you were eating takeout food on the couch while finishing up your work.

he's already cooked something for dinner.

“…takeout? i just haven’t had them in a while and i was craving for one.” you muttered, looking back to your laptop screen and continuing your work.

guess you were the one that was avoiding him all along.

as silence hits the room, scaramouche sighs.

“look, it is true that i've been kind of avoiding you lately, but you were too. i did try my best to fix this by cooking up food for you, but every time i offer them to you, you refuse.” scaramouche said.

“ah... guess i have been kind of a bitch to you these days, huh?” you murmured, fiddling with your hands.

“you have.”

you slouched your form on the bed and darted your eyes to the floor. “i— i'm sorry, i didn't realise i was being an ass these days. it was just... you shut me out last time. i thought you needed some time to yourself so i tried my best to leave you alone. i wasn't aware that it led to me completely avoiding you.”

scaramouche was silent. he probably doesn't know what to say about his behaviour from last time, you thought.

“scara, it's okay if you don't want to tell me what you were doing outside of campus. it isn't any of my business and you don't owe me any explanation. i just hoped you'd at least be a bit... nice about it. you didn't have to snap and slam the door on me.” you said, looking back up at him.

he had his eyes on his lap, not even trying to meet yours.

“i know. it's still hard for me to control my emotions around people, but i have been trying. i know i was being a dick and... i'm sorry.” he mumbled, finally looking at you.

you smiled. “it's fine, i understand that it's not easy for you to sort out your feelings. i've known you for all of the years i've been in the precint, and i never say this but...” you trailed off, standing up and making your way to the door to give him space.

“i'm glad that i'm one of the only few people that you've allowed to be in your life, even if we treat each other like shit." you finished.

you turned the doorknob, about to leave his room before hearing the ravenette mutter something.

“...rapy.” he mumbled lowly, only enough for you to hear.

you turned back to look at his form on the bed. “huh?”

“therapy. that's where i've been going to these days.” scaramouche opened up, his indigo eyes still plastered on his lap.

“therapy...? scara, what do you need therapy for? i don't think you—” you stopped yourself, realising the actual reason why he's been going on one.

“it's still not easy for me to forget what happened, so i thought seeking therapy is gonna at least help me a bit with coping.”

“does it?”

scaramouche lets out a faint laugh. “surprisingly, it does. i wouldn't be able to even be on this case if it weren't for the appointments i've been going to. it helps me a lot.”

you made your way to his bed again and changed your position on the bed from last time, sitting beside scaramouche instead. you brought your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, making sure you were comfortable enough on his bed to continue the conversation.

“you know, we've never really talked about the incident.” you said.

“yeah.”

“do you want to talk about it?” you asked, resting your head on your arms and looking at scaramouche.

“i'm not sure. it's still hard for me to talk about it so i don't know if this is gonna overwhelm me.” scaramouche said, avoiding your eyes.

“it's completely fine, i'll just ask you one question though. it's okay if you don't want to answer.”

“fine. shoot.”

“are you doing okay?” you asked softly.

scaramouche quickly turned his head over to you with widened eyes, slightly shocked with your sudden question. he took a few moments to find the words, moving his gaze to his bed sheet and scattered files instead of your face.

“honestly, i'm trying my best, but i'm not doing okay.” scaramouche finally looked up and turned his head to your direction, his voice slightly strained.

you frowned, darting your eyes to his empty hands that are visibly shaking, he’s definitely not, you thought, contemplating on your next move.

“you know... i still don't see the reason why the incident impacted you so much. i was the one who was hurt, dummy.” you said, changing your sitting position into a cross-legged.

ah, fuck it.

you took one of his hands from his lap, bringing it over to you. scaramouche was frozen for a few seconds, but didn't bother to pry his hand off yours.

you played with it to ease off his nerves, tracing your fingers over his palm.

his hand is surprisingly soft, with a few tinges of caloused fingers and scarred knuckles, probably from the police work he does on the daily.

“you got shot on the shoulder, you broke your leg, oh and most importantly—you almost died, y/n, just for some undercover case. how are you still asking me such a stupid question?” scaramouche scoffed.

he doesn't know why you're so unaffected by everything that's happened a year and a half ago.

you flashed a smile at him. “for someone who shits on me on a daily basis, you sure do act like a mom, caring and all. i assure you, i am fine. i've been going to physical therapy for almost a year, scara. i’m basically good and healthy now. you don't need worry about me.” you said, rubbing his knuckles with your thumb.

“it's my job to ensure that snezhnaya is safe. i knew what i was getting into the moment i stepped foot in the police academy. i knew that my life would be on the line the moment i got my gun and badge, and i know every single thing i'm doing here has it's consequences, whether it's done right or not.” you tugged his hand, making him look at you.

his eyes were glossy, he looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“i'm fine, really. i've been on this job for half a decade now. i'm basically used to these kind of stuff while working, you know. it's only a matter of time until i get more scars from my job. it's a normal thing for the both of us, and you know that yourself. so you shouldn't worry about me, okay?” you reassured him, just like you once did back at the grocery store a while ago.

scaramouche was at lost for words. he looked down to his lap, unknowingly shedding a tear or two, letting his tears fall before him.

he tried to hide them from you, but you were faster than lightning.

upon seeing him crying, your hand quickly left his. you brought his head back up to you and wiped his tears away with your sleeve. his indigo eyes were staring at you, and you tried to stifle your laugh. he looks exactly like a baby.

you giggled, one hand still on his cheek. “don't be such a crybaby dude, i'm genuinely fine. there's nothing to worry about me, seriously. stop carrying this burden all by yourself, we're both involved in the same incident, at least let me carry it with you.”

now, it was scaramouche's turn to laugh at your words. “you're such a sap, it's crazy.” he rasped, giving you a small smile.

he never gives you one.

sure, he's given you the smirks and snickers whenever he teases and makes fun of you but other than that he's never really genuinely smiled at you, until now.

he has a sweet smile, you thought.

“you should smile more often. it's a good look on you.” you mumbled, caressing his cheekbone with your thumb.

“really?”

“yeah, really.”

at this point scaramouche was grinning up at you.

only for you.

because of last night, you both were late to your criminology class, resulting in the two of you walking into the class hall with your heads down to hide the embarrassment.

you didn't do much in class except for listening to a lecture about criminal law theory, in which you've already learned years ago.

it was one of the easiest topics for you back when you were an undergrad, so it won't really give you a hard time now, you hoped.

the campus cafe was filled to the brim with students getting their meals and drinks. you and scaramouche decided to get a couple of snacks and head down to the campus park instead to avoid the big crowd.

“viktor's party is tomorrow, right?” scaramouche asked, taking a seat on a small picnic table under a tree.

you took a bite of your bagel. “yup, 'shtarts at 'leven.” you muffly said, food still full in your mouth.

a disgusted look is framed on scaramouche's face. “ew, gross. finish the food in your mouth before talking, idiot.”

you glared at him, but obliged anyway. after taking a moment to finish up the food in your mouth, you continued.

“starts at eleven, but it'll probably start getting full by 10:50, so we might need to come early. we need to take note of the surroundings before it gets packed with students partying their asses off.”

scaramouche hummed, drinking his tea. “sure, just give me the location later. i'll drive.”

“let's just hope you don't crash into something and leave me to die.” you bashfully said, looking at the campus park filled with students taking a rest.

scaramouche brought a finger to his chin, acting out like he's thinking about it. “that's not exactly a bad idea, i'll keep that in mind.” he smirked, looking over to your slouching form.

“of course you would. ugh, you really are the worst.”

“and i couldn't be more proud of myself.”

friday went by quickly, and before you know it, you're in scaramouche's car, heading to viktor's frat party.

scaramouche turned to a corner, one arm to the steering wheel, the other resting by the closed window with his head in hand.

“is it still far away from here?” he asked, glancing at you from his car seat.

you checked the map on your phone. “nope, we'll be there in about 5 minutes. it's not that far from campus.”

the car was silent after that. none of you bothered to cut off the silence, instead enjoying the calm music from the radio of scaramouche's car.

after what happened last night, you and scaramouche barely had any childish banters and stupid arguments today.

well, there were some bashful words thrown around here and there, but never to the point that ends up with the both of you being frustrated and pissed with each other.

after awhile, scaramouche pulled up to a big house.

“we're here.” he said. you moved your attention away from your phone and to the house on your right instead.

the house is painted light gray, with a touch of dark gray and white on some parts of the exterior. the porch lights were on as it was getting into midnight, and several indoor lights were on too, probably for the party that's about to start in a few.

10:45 pm, the time says on your phone. there were some people that have arrived, but still pretty empty for it to be called a party.

you thought there'd be a lot of people by the time it was 10:45 pm, but it looks like you were proven wrong.

well, nothing wrong with being early, you guessed.

scaramouche took off his seatbelt and leaned back to his seat, letting out a sigh. he takes a moment before speaking up, “i've never been to a frat party.” he admitted.

“me neither.” you added, staring off at the frat house that's starting to fill with students.

scaramouche chuckled. “huh, i guess we were boring students back in the day. my nose was only buried in studies when people were out partying left and right.”

“me too. i was too busy with wanting to graduate fast than enjoying my campus life back then. i missed out on a lot of fun stuff.”

scaramouche looked at you. you were donning a white turtleneck and a plaid skirt, pairing with black tights. you probably don't look like you're going to a party, but the autumn weather hits you like a brick, so you wouldn't want to die from the chilly weather.

scaramouche was wearing a simple outfit, a windbreaker with a plain white t-shirt and a pair of pants.

“you okay?” he asked you out of the blue. you moved your gaze to him, raising a brow at his question.

“yeah, why? are you not?”

“i’m just... a bit nervous, i guess. i don't really know what will happen in there.” he paused. “but also please refrain yourself from getting insanely drunk. i really don't want to drag your intoxicated ass back to the dorms.”

you frowned. “hey, i told you that was a one time thing! i know i'm a lightweight and all, but i'm pretty capable of holding my liquor, especially when i'm supposedly undercover, thank you very much.” you fought.

scaramouche turned off the engine of his car. “sure you can.”

he suddenly leaned over to you to get some stuff in the glove compartment, his face just inches away from yours.

the smell of his cologne made your breath hitch. he smells so good, what kind of overly expensive cologne does he even use for it to smell this good and strong?

it only takes a few seconds before he moved back to his seat, opening up his door to get to the party.

“you ready?” scaramouche turned over to you.

“yeah.” you confirmed.

“then let's get this stupid party over with.”

when i end this series with angst then what

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[itsdanii]

Hurting his s/o’s feelings pt.2

genre: slight angst to fluff

ft. tsukishima kei x gn!reader

throughout your 8 months of relationship, you've been nothing but patient to your boyfriend but sometimes, you wish that he'd show you more affection.

ushijima’s part

People often describe your boyfriend as cold and mean but you never minded them. After all, why would you listen to other people's unwanted opinion if you knew Tsukishima better? You were his girlfriend, not them.

You love Kei. In fact, you learned to love him more than you expected. The playful banter between the two of you, the sight of his flushed cheeks everytime he was embarrassed and even the smirk he always had when he was flustering you. Everything about him made your heart flutter.

But sometimes, Kei's lack of affection towards you made you feel sad. No matter how much you tell yourself to be patient because you knew that it's hard for him to open up to other people aside from Yamaguchi, you can't help but crave his touch.

Maybe it was because you kept seeing couples holding each other's hands when they walk, or the sight of other girlfriends wearing their boyfriend's jacket when they're cold. You don't know for sure but it was there - the feeling of insecurity.

-

Despite the lack of sleep, a smile was present on your face as you made your way to the gymnasium where you knew your boyfriend was currently practicing.

Packed in the bento you were holding is a combination of riceballs and some strawberries, knowing how much your boyfriend loved them. You also brought some fresh strawberry milk that you made yourself to warm him up for the cold weather.

You sneezed as the wind blew, your thin uniform the only thing covering you from the cold. You were quite in a hurry when you left home, making Kei's breakfast and forgetting to set an alarm last night.

The consequence? The dark circles under your eyes that you tried hard to cover with make up. You even forgot to bring your own jacket.

As you entered the gym, Hinata was the first one to spot you, jumping and squealing your name as he rushed towards your direction. You can't help but giggle at the adorable tangerine boy.

"Hey, Sho. Is Kei there?" You asked, looking behind him to spot your boyfriend.

"He went to the restroom, I think? He was grumpy this morning!" Hinata complained. "Well, he's always grumpy...but extra grumpy today! Like super grumpy grumpy!"

"Grumpy? I wonder what happened," you said with a small pout.

"Oi, Hinata-boke! Stop bothering Tsukishima's s/o and finish your lunch!" Kageyama scolded.

You could only giggle as you watched the two start to bicker among themselves.

When Tsukishima arrived, you immediately stood up and held out your arm, presenting the bento you made for him. "I made you lunch!" you said happily.

"I thought I warned you not to visit me during practice," Tsukishima said while looking at you with a small scowl.

Your confidence immediately deflated at his tone and choice of words. You knew that he often tells you not to visit practice, claiming you as a distraction. "Sorry, Kei. I just wanted to surprise you with some food. I even made strawberry milk for you! It's warm and-"

"I didn't tell you to make me lunch though. I already ate with Yamaguchi."

Yamaguchi's eyes widen at the mention of his name. "O-oh...right. I didn't know you were coming so I invited Tsukki to have lunch with me at the cafeteria. Sorry, y/n."

You gave Yamaguchi a small smile and looked down at the bento you were holding. "Is that so? Then...maybe you can eat this with me? I'll have the food and you can have the milk. I promise it's good," you said hopefully, fingers fiddling with the wrap covering the bento.

You heard your boyfriend sigh and you immediately looked up.  "I don't want it. What part of I already ate can you not understand?"

"Oi, Stingyshima! I think that's too much!" Hinata interrupted, "I'll eat it for you, y/n!"

You ignored the orange head and gripped the bento tightly, your lips becoming wobbly and tears starting to gather in your eyes from the humiliation. "I shouldn't have come here."

You turned around and ran out of the gym, ignoring the shouts of the volleyball team.

-

When the classes ended, you felt like a literal zombie. Maybe you should've just slept more this morning instead of making your boyfriend's bento. After all, your efforts were not appreciated.

You exit your room and made your way to the school clinic, hoping to get some medicine for headache before you go home. Your head was pounding that you think you won't be able to make it home without taking any medicine.

As you entered, you were greeted by the nurse who immediately went to get the medicine you requested.

The door then busted open, revealing your boyfriend who was a bit sweaty and panting. "Y/n, what happened? I was waiting for you but one of your classmates said that you were at the clinic." He made his way to you and cupped your cheeks, his eyes widening at the feeling of hotness enveloped by his hand.

"I'm fine, Kei. It's nothing a medicine can't cure. I was just up all night is all," you mumbled and took his hands away from your face. You took the medicine from the nurse and walked out, leaving your boyfriend.

You knew that you were being petty, but with the way he acted awhile ago, you think that it was only right that you act like this.

As you reached for your water bottle from inside your bag, you felt your surroundings swaying, darkness starting to cloud your vision. You tried stilling yourself by holding on the wall for support but the pounding headache seemed to overcome your senses.

"Y/n!"

The shouts of your boyfriend were the last thing you heard before you completely passed out.

-

You woke up at the feeling of someone caressing your hair. A cooling sensation could be felt on your forehead as if someone had put a cold towel on it.

When your eyes fluttered open, you let out a small sigh. The headache you were experiencing awhile ago was not as painful but still there. "Kei?" you whispered as you allowed your vision to adjust.

"Take it easy, dumbass. You still have your fever," Tsukishima muttered as he supported your back when you sat up.

Remembering the fight that occurred awhile ago, you averted your gaze from him and looked down on your lap. You started fiddling with your fingers as your eyes started to water once again. "Kei, I'm s-"

"I'm sorry," Tsukishima cut you off. He took your hands in his and rubbed soothing circles at the back of your palm. "I'm sorry for acting hostile on you awhile ago. I knew you were only looking out for me and I took it for granted. I'm not the best boyfriend out there but..." he brought your hand on his lips and gave the back a kiss. "I promise that I'll try. Be more patient with me, love, please?"

The pleading look and vulnerability shown by your boyfriend made your heart ache. You knew that what happened awhile ago isn't something you should forget easily but the reassurance and love you have for your boyfriend was overcoming your insecurity. "No more pushing me away?" you said with a hopeful look.

You brought your hand on his face, cupping his cheek. "Open up to me, Kei. I love you. I don't want to lose you but if you keep pushing me away, you might be the one to lose me."

He gave you a small nod, hand moving on top of yours as he leaned to your touch. "I promise. Thank you for loving me and being patient with me."

Tsukishima scooted closer to you and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Giving your forehead a lingering kiss, he whispered softly against your skin, "Now, let me show you how much I love you."

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