#I appreciate her efforts but also that was the most pain it’s been in this whole time . So thank you Ice but you failed miserably

[ratcandy]

attempting to sleep but unfortunately my cat loves me very much and would like to heal my injuries via purring very loudly after slamming her big chunky self right on top of them

[wileys-russo]

hi! laura freigang, 'can i use a picture of you as my phone's background?', locker room please?

lockscreen II l.freigang

you woke up to a flash in your face, ducking your head beneath the covers with a groan. "go away lau!" you moaned kicking out at your best friend who only grinned, tugging the covers away from you.

"it was for the collection!" laura explained as if that was completely normal as you tiredly glared up at her. "get out of my room, its not even eight yet!" you realised with a groan, shoving her a little harder than intended as she went rolling backwards off the bed.

you sat up with a start, covering your grin with your hand as the blonde moaned clutching her head which had collided with the carpet.

"sorry?" you tried with an innocent smile as she sat up and fixed you with a venomous glare. "idiot!" she huffed unappreciative of your efforts. "in my defense i have warned you before about not waking me before nine unless its an emergency." you reminded with a shrug.

"i was waking you because i made breakfast but now i think i will go give it to that cranky lady next door, she would be more appreciative!" the blonde grumbled standing to her feet with a shake of her head, stretching out her back.

"no no, no need! thank you." you shot up from bed, kissing her cheek in thanks before racing off toward the kitchen too fast to see the way the girls face burned beetroot red at the tiny gesture of affection.

laura had been pining over you for months now, and it was painful that it was obvious to absolutely everyone but you, even her teammates teasings only causing you to roll your eyes and dismiss them with a wave when they joked you were secretly dating.

laura could only wish to be so lucky, and only wish you'd finally see that all the little things she did for you was because she was crushing on you hard.

ever since you'd moved to the club the girl felt her knees wobble a little when you were introduced to the team, the first to put her hand up to show you around and within a couple of weeks the two of you were thick as thieves and laura had offered you her spare room while you hunted for a place of your own.

it was an offer which beat the pull out sofa you were currently sleeping on in an old school friends one bedroom loft who'd moved to germany for university and just never come back.

you'd be lying if you said without laura you'd have lost your mind and probably quit to move back home. she helped you set up everything, get better at the language, offered friendship and a comfortable bed beneath your back, cooked everyday for you and showed you around new places each weekend between matches.

you hadn't realized it just yet but you were also crushing hard on the blonde, only you'd grown up with four older brothers and attributed nearly every strong feeling you had toward a woman as just a longing for friendship.

it was idiotic how blind you were really.

"so." you looked up from your spot at your cubby, training finished for the day as you were icing your ankle you'd rolled, most of the team having already left for the day laura was kindly waiting around until the physio came back to check you over, currently in a meeting.

"as you know i've been making my phone look nicer." laura started as you chuckled, amused by her sudden interest in aesthetics which was spurred on by a late night tiktok doom scroll as you lay together 'hanging out' in complete silence in her room the other night.

"i found a lockscreen-" she turned to show you a photo she'd taken at the markets on one of her film cameras, smiling at the familiar setting. "-but, can i use a photo of you as my phone background?" she asked hopefully as you groaned.

"what!" she huffed, a little offended by your reaction. "not if its one of those awful pictures you always take of me sleeping, or eating, or at that gross zoomed out angle but super close and-" you started to protest making her frown switch to a grin.

"no schatz, not a bad photo." she patted your knee reassuringly, sliding closer to you as your head fell to her shoulder, missing the way she tensed up a little, clearing her throat.

"i have nice ones. i will even let you choose!" laura promised as you hummed and she clicked into her camera roll, selecting an album with a little sun emoji.

"see? look these are all candid ones of you. at the farmers market, out at dinner, cooking at home, when we went to ikea, when we went to the night festival, getting coffee-" as she scrolled slowly through, something suddenly clicked in your mind.

in nearly all of these you and laura had been hanging out, but always just the two of you. you took turns paying for things, you were always laughing, she was always surprising you with little adventures or taking you to new places and forcing you out of your comfort zone.

but it was always just with laura, and then it clicked for you, it was laura, you loved laura.

the girl was too busy recounting the story behind one of the hundreds of photos in the album with a soft smile on her face to notice you pull your head away to look at her, finally seeing the slight blush on her cheeks and not missing the twinkle in her eye.

so maybe, just maybe, laura loved you too.

"lau." you interrupted, cutting her off mid sentence as she looked up and caught your eye, blush intensifying as she did. "was i rambling? oh god i was rambling wasn't i? i told you when that happens to snap me out of it or tell me to shut up or-" she started again making you smile.

"lau?" "yeah?" "shut up." you grinned as she did too, tips of her ears flushed pink which you found quite cute, suddenly now noticing a lot of little features you'd taken for granted.

"do you trust me?" you asked softly and the blonde nodded without a moments hesitation, but in her most wild of dreams she'd never expected what came next as your hand moved to settle on the back of her neck and you leaned in until you were barely a hairsbreadth away.

"is this okay?" you whispered, checking one last time as all the german could do was nod, dumbfounded and unsure if this was actually happening until you leaned in just that tiny bit further and pressed your lips to hers.

this was really happening, and as laura dropped her phone into her lap, tugging you even closer and kissing you back like you were her last breath of air, you realised that yeah, your laura did love you back, and this was the start of a brand new adventure together.

[russellsppttemplates]

Not anymore (Lando Norris)

Lando's determined to make you see where you belong

Note: english is not my first language. I hope this is still enjoyable to read as I really challenged myself with these pieces! I'm not sure how good this is (or how much you will want to kill me)! This is part 2 of We don't fit together ! Edit: I used a line from dumplingsjinson (they're the best 🫶✨️)

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions reader's insecurities about herself and about her relationship with Lando, curse words, bloodwork

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

Part 1

The past couple of days were strange. Lando still sent you his usual good morning and good night texts he would send whenever you didn't spend the night together, and you replied. Still, because of your schedule and his schedule, the text for the dreaded conversation came through only this morning

From Lan

Needed to get my bloods done and then Jon also needed a physical assessment so this morning was a rush, but I'm free for the rest of the day if you want to talk, lovie

To Lan

I'll be home for the whole day, you can come here whenever it's best for you!

Tidying the place up a bit, the thoughts on your head kept the same train of ideas. You didn't fit his lifestyle, and the constant doubts you felt were certainly not the way you wanted to go about your life.

There was a knock on the door when you were fluffing the pillows and you walked up to open it, see Lando with somewhat dark circles under his eyes and a bunch of your favourite flowers, "Come in", you said softly as you both headed to the living room, sitting down since you didn't know what else to do.

"Thank you for texting, there was this part of me that didn't believe you would", you admitted. This was the time to be honest, still remaining polite and aware of the words leaving your mouth.

"Of course I did, Y/N, I want us to talk this out, I want us out of this rough patch", Lando pleaded softly, "I'm so sorry for not noticing you were feeling like this", he offered, cutting through the silence when you seemed to not know what to say to kick-start the conversation.

"It's not your fault, Lando", you spoke the truth, "you have been on my mind every conscious second, every thought is about this and I- I really don't know how we will do this, how we will do that", you pointed to him in allusion to the goal he had, "I'm sorry".

Lando gulped, rubbing his hands on his thighs before speakingup, "I did too, and I want you to know I just want you to be happy, fuck, there's nothing I want more in life than to see you happy, and right now it pains me that I am the one that's making you hurt", he let his heart out.

"It's not only your fault", you whispered again, this time looking at him. Your insecurities were just that - your own - and you were responsible from how certain triggers made you feel and react, "I have to be the one to know how to deal with these".

"And I want to help you, lovie, you don't have to do this all alone all the time", Lando offered, "I want us to work and this is a conjoined effort - you shouldn't be doing that alone".

Silence filled the room as the gears turned in your head before you looked up again, seeing the broken look on Lando's face, "Do you think we should take a break? Spend some time away from eachother?", you voiced.

Lando didn't expect the option you suggested. Spending time further apart didn't seem like the right thing to do when you were obviously feeling like you didn't fit in and belong in his life, "are you sure that's the way to go? We'll do what you feel the most comfortable and happy with, but I don't want you to feel like I want you away or that you have to keep away from me - I want you with me for as much time as you can give me".

"It's silly, I know - I've never done this before, I don't know what to do", you shrugged your shoulders. Usually, by the time any insecurities shone through, your past partners had already left.

Lando sighed, "If that is what you think is going to help I'm all in, Y/N. I'll do anything to prove to you that I'm serious about this, but I'm giving up on us, I'm going to fight for you", Lando stated as tears started forming in his eyes, keeping them at bay because this wasn't the end. It couldn't be.

"I'm going to show you just how much you belong with me and how well we fit together, okay?", he checked with you, seeing a small nod, the uncertainty behind it only fueling him to put all his efforts into it.

.

"I wanted to do something we haven't done in a while", Lando said over the phone as he packed the tupperwares into the basket.

"Yes? And what would that be?", you asked. Lando kept a respectful distance but he made sure that everyday that you didn't spend together, you knew he was thinking about you and doing all these little things to remind you of how much he loved you and how you were meant to be together.

"I'm not going to tell you because it's a surprise, but I need to warn you to bring comfortable shoes, and as much as I love your little dresses, anything without a skirt would be better", you heard him smile.

"Okay, anywhere I should go to?", you wondered, "I'll pick you up in about thirty minutes if that's okay?", he quesioned, getting a positive answer from you, "see you soon, beautiful girl, I love you!".

Lando finished packing the picnic basket, getting the napkins and the drinks from the fridge so he could go to his bedroom and get ready.

He planned a fun afternoon, starting with a cycle around the city before finishing with a picnic in the park as he knew it was one of your favourite things. He had come up with many of your favourite plans to do together lately and he was feeling good about it. There was nothing he wanted more than to show you that you fit together and that both of your lives could compliment eachother if you both made adjustments. He was going out less than he used to and favouring to spend that time with you, he made sure you knew he was there and that he wasn't planning on leaving.

Finding a t-shirt and some jeans, he got two buckets hats from the new Quadrant Spring collection they would be launching soon and got ready to leave the apartment.

The drive to your wasn't long, but he never knew with the after lunch traffic, finding a good spot for his car and seeing you already at the entrance of the building, checking the street before crossing it, "hey, Lan", you smiled as you got inside the vehicle, kissing his cheek softly as he drove out of the spot once you had your seatbelt on, "hey, baby, how has your day been?".

"It's good, better now that I'm getting out of the house with some very nice company", you smiled.

The park wasn't too far, and when Lando parked near the rental city bikes with a smirk on his face, you knew what he wanted to do for the afternoon, "we're cycling?", you beamed.

"Yes! I also have some snacks here for a picnic later", Lando got the basket from the cartrunk, carrying it to the bike and making sure it was safely attached to it, scanning the code for his bike and then yours.

"Wait", he said as you were making sure the seat was at the right height, cycling around the area. Fishing out the bucket hat from the basket, he shook it a little so it would have a nice shape before putting it on your head, kissing your lips softly as he looked at you, "these are new and I needed my prettiest model to try them on first", he charmed as you blushed, "plus, I don't want the sun to blind you or burn you".

You cycled around your favourite spots in town, Lando occasionally taking pictures of the city and you with his camera and waving at the odd person who noticed and recognised it was him and you on the bikes, before you returned to the park, deciding to cycle to your favourite spot by the old big trees, blossoming from the spring sun.

"Thank you for this", you mumbled as you wiped your lips free of crumbs from the cake you had.

"Y/N, I won't stop fighting for us when we have something worth fighting for", he smiled, pulling you to lay on the blanket with him and holding your hands between your bodies, "I also got this really cool invite for the new exhibition at the museum - that one you wanted to see - and you want to know why it is so cool? Because we get the exhibition all to ourselves, no one else is going to be there which means you can take as long as you want and I can admire you all to myself and all I want too", he kissed your cheek.

"Sounds like a nice plan, thank you", you kissed his jaw.

.

You scanned your paddock pass as walked in the directions you were giving, not wanting to mess up the schedule and the lined up events everyone had.

They had been experimenting with new events to promote motorsport, adding parties and sunset events to the race weekend on order to gather all of the sponsors, famous people and fans who were interested in seeing the behind the scenes of a luxurious and extravagant race weekend.

"Everyone who still doesn't have a bracelet can come through here, please", one of the women in black suits called as you stood in that line, waiting for you turn.

"Here you go, enjoy the party!", she smiled, letting you go through and carrying on with her tasks.

The section involving the paddock, pitlane and the starting grid decorated with lights over bars serving drinks while staff went around with trays with small canapés.

You supposed this did work or they wouldn't try it out, after all it was an expensive sport and the more investors and sponsors they got, the better, so every little interaction and publicity was welcomed. You recognised a lot for the faces from Instagram and other social media platforms, along with some of the sponsors you had spent races sitting next to in the garage.

The face you wanted to see the most was nowhere in sight as you saw Oscar and Zak in the distance, talking to someone you recognised being one of their sponsors.

When you stepped closer to the area where most drivers seemed to be hanging out, you spotted Lando and he spotted you.

It had been nearly a year since you called it quits. It wasn't working for you and no matter how much Lando tried and fought for your relationship, you still didn't feel comfortable and thought you'd be better without eachother. It wasn't easy and to this day it would probably be one of your biggest regrets.

Maybe today you'd get to ease that heavy feeling in your chest.

Lando knew a lot of people would be there tonight, but your face wasn't one he expected. Last thing he heard about you was that you had made a small career switch and started working with another company, so he figured you were probably invited through one of the people with deep pockets wanting to invest in motorsport, knowing how it always looks nice on the company to invite employees to these fixtures.

As he saw his father and Max walk up to where you were, he walked in your direction, hoping to divert them so they wouldn't see you, another person pulled him with him to the side for a photo and it became impossible for him to not notice you and the other way around.

“It’s been… It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”, you spoke up when you locked eyes and stood close enough to eachother.

"Yes, it has", Lando stated, "how have you been?", he wondered.

"I've been okay, and I see you have been doing well too - the car looks great this year", you congratulated, "I've been meaning to text you because I wanted to talk", you tried.

It took you some time to work on your insecurities, to learn to feel uncomfortable in some situations and get yourself out of them, and now you felt ready to begin again, feeling comfortable in your own skin.

"What did you want to tell me? You can tell me here", he stated coldly.

To say you broke his heart would be an understatement.

Despite all of his efforts, stopping DJ'ing, being conscious of who he hung out with, making sure he spent as much time with you as he could, you still raised concerns about how you were like oil and water.

Not made to be together.

"This really isn't the best place", you looked around as he pulled you inside the McLaren garage that was just on the side, exchanging a look with the security guard that was making sure no one broke in without permission.

"Is it good here now?", he offered.

"It will have to do", you smiled, "I'm sorry things didn't work out before - I wasn't in a good place and things weren't working out the way I'd like", you offered, "and I feel better now".

"Let me stop you right there before this gets out of hand and I hurt you, because I have never wanted that and I don't want it now", Lando said sternly, catching you off guard, "making peace with the fact that we weren't going to work out together was one of the hardest things I've done - I was miserable, didn't enjoy racing or anything that I was doing because I didn't have you by my side - you left me when I needed you", he poured his heart out.

He didn't shout and he didn't yell, but every word stung. Both from how true they were and how he had hurt because of you.

"I'm sorry, Lando, I wasn't trying to diminish how you felt then", you clarified.

"I know you didn't, but this isn't how it works, fuck", he rubbed his temple, "You don’t get to just waltz back into my life and think that I’d be okay with it - I waited so long for you, and I wanted to wait longer if you had let me, but now I can't do that, not anymore", he stated firmly.

"Are you saying we don't have another chance?", you asked as your bottom lip wobbled, "I promise I'll be more open about how I feel, and second guessing wo-".

“You were it at one point, you know?”, Lando shook his head as he looked at his feet before looking up back at you, "my parents, Max, Carlos - everyone agreed with me when I said you were my endgame", he offered.

There had been a time where he wished for this. For you to come to him and tell him you wanted him back and how it had all been a mistake. Now that he was hearing it, he realised he didn't want it, not anymore.

[torawro]

WHEN BLADES CLASH, SO DO HEARTS. ( r. z. )

roronoa zoro & bounty hunter!reader.

cw ━━ ! minors, ageless and blank blogs DO NOT INTERACT. reader is portrayed as a black woman who is on the thicker / curvier side but you do not have to imagine it that way ! you are free to imagine the reader how you wish. canon divergent au (lowkey implied post-timeskip -> zoro is still a bounty hunter and never became a pirate). bc it's canon divergent, zoro will have both eyes (i know, i know). mentions and descriptions of alcohol consumption. canon-typical violence (i.e., mentions of weapons). light(ish) descriptions of blood & injuries. so much [sexual] tension between reader and zoro that it's palpable. contains sexually explicit content including smut (descriptions of it from an omniscient pov). gets kinda poetic at the end but y’all already knew that was coming. somewhat proofread.

word count ━━ ! 4.8k

notes ━━ ! my first published one piece fic on my blog . . . you'd think the first one would be about law since my current theme revolves around him but alas, this swordsman was prominent in my mind…i did lose motivation at some point but i still pushed through. this fic was originally something i drafted up to serve as the prologue for a much longer fic i'm writing (no hints, sorry < 3). and i thought writing this purely for contextual purposes would help with that longer story, but in the process it just turned into something else all on its own skskkskks so this is a modified version of that blurb. obvs this is also my first time officially writing for zoro so i’m a little nervous and to be honest, i’m not sure if i even like how this turned out…..regardless, i hope i portrayed him well enough (pls be gentle with me) >< also wanna dedicate this fic to naj, a mutual of mine who became a friend, but unfortunately deactivated her blog some time ago. she's been helping me with this drabble and the longer story i plan to write and i really appreciate her. reblogs + commentary are GREATLY appreciated ♡!!!

SHAKING OFF THE GRAVELLY SAND that haphazardly clung to the fabric of your pants, with little effort and practiced precision, you swiftly returned a large metal rod back into a black carrying bag before swinging the straps over your right shoulder. Rolling your arms to relieve some of the tension that resided in them proved to be a little painful, leading you to conclude that you most likely pulled a muscle somewhere when fighting the unknown men who had just attacked you. 

Said men were now lying unconscious on the ground, hardly breathing and within an inch of their lives. 

You didn’t kill them ━no, of course not ━ that would be a fruitless endeavor. Besides, you were well aware that your energy would be well-spent elsewhere, like searching for the next poor soul that had a bounty looming over their head. You were like a hunting dog, the scent of your next target set in front of you by the wanted posters littered around in each city or island you traveled to. Much like how the grim reaper awaited in the shadow of someone who stood inches away from the gates of death, you too would bide your time until the right moment to strike.

You took pride in the fact that the glint of your weapon would be the last thing that reflected in the eyes of your target.

The end result of your fight, if you could even call it that, was as chilling as the evening breeze that was brought forth by the wading waves of the ocean. You have made your mark on the flesh of these men, reopening some old wounds and creating new ones that would certainly scar forever. On levels of the skin and of the spirit.

With a heavy sigh, you adjusted your bag again as you walked towards the cluster of little lights nestled beyond the trees, within them existed this main island’s largest town. Your facial muscles didn’t so much as twitch as the pointed heel of your boots dug into the skin of your unconscious assailants— thinking nothing of their drowsy, muffled grunts of pain or the stark contrast between stepping over doughy bodies versus stepping on the hard earth.

The waxing crescent moon only slightly illuminated the dirt road as you made your way to the populated village, occasionally swatting away a fly or two. Soon enough, the mouth of the semi-dense woods opened up to reveal a wide gravel road. Across the opening was a bridge that stood over a flowing stream, and beyond that was the town. It was a cluster of buildings of varying heights lined up neatly street by street.

Lamps hung on every corner, street pole and ledge that would allow it, bathing all that rested under them in a pale yellow glow. It was quite pretty at night if you were being honest; and judging by its looks and atmosphere, you were sure that they’d have a nice inn around somewhere.

But first, a drink. And some food, you added as an afterthought, but mostly a drink. Your body could use a bit of external help to unwind after spending the last few days at sea.

It didn’t take you all that long to find out where the town’s bar was located, and you wasted no time ascending the steps that led to the double swinging doors. The clacking of your boots against the wooden floors upon entering the establishment were more or less drowned out by the chatter of the rugged-looking individuals who more or less made themselves at home.

And yet, despite the dozens of conversations that bounced off the walls of the tavern, the stares of everyone whose line of vision you crossed seemed to be louder. Much louder than any fit of raucous laughter or profane shout that surrounded you.

Your ears were even able to pluck out a few conversations. Hushed inquiries of familiarity, musings of what could possibly be in that bag dangling on your back, how the pants you wore emphasized the fat of your ass just right━ all things you let roll off your back and pretended not to hear. 

If it weren’t for your more reserved nature, you would have slashed that the throat of the man who made that salacious comment the moment it left his dried lips.

You took a random seat at the bar, not really paying attention to who sat on either side of you. Placing the cowboy-style hat you wore next to you and your belongings at your feet, you patiently awaited for the bartender to make her way down to where you sat. 

As you waited, you crossed your legs, one fleshy thigh over the other, absentmindedly twirling one of the bulky silver rings that encased your middle finger as you wondered what drink you were in the mood for today.

It wasn’t until several moments later, when your body and mind stilled enough, that you’d take notice.

Something felt . . . weird. ‘Off’ was probably a better word for the strange weight that suspended itself over your muscles. Whatever it was, whatever feeling or presence you sensed, it had your fingers twitching towards your bag laying idly against the table. And it only continued to linger in the air as the minutes dragged by.

The sound of the barkeep’s voice pulled you back into the plane of reality and away from the realm of your overactive mind. “What’ll ya be having tonight, honey?” She was an older woman, probably around the age of fifty but looked much younger, had deeply tanned skin, and peppered black and white hair that was pulled into a bun and rested at the base of her neck. 

“Hmmm . . . whatever your best cocktail is, I’ll just have that.” 

With a nod and an amused smile at you allowing her to have free reign, the barkeep turned around, set a shaker aside, and got to work preparing a drink of her choice to serve to you.

Then, something flashed in your peripheral vision.

It was so fleeting that you could have easily dismissed it as nothing had you not been on somewhat high alert already. It flickered in the reflection of the metal canisters that sat along the back wall of the bar. And whatever it was managed to startle you enough to jump start the pulse in your chest into a panicked overdrive so fierce that you heard it in your ears.

The frantic beating of your heart  never showed on your face, however━ your expression remained neutral. It needed to be for a woman in your line of work. Perhaps especially because you were a woman in your line of work.

Without any warning or indication, the cold sensation of polished steel licked and nipped at the warmth residing in your neck. The sharpened end of a blade rested on the jugular of your throat, pressed firmly enough that if you moved forward even a little bit, a stain from your blood would surely blossom on the katana.

“You…” a deep male voice spoke, sounding rough and rugged all around its edges. The rest of the pub seemed to fall silent at the man’s utterance of that one word, rather than his blatant display of threatening you with a sword. “Why are you here?”

Your eyes were the only thing that moved. Slowly, with a frosty gleam underlining your gaze, your eyes landed on the sword’s master, his name immediately flashing in your mind. His reputation as a bounty hunter sent a chill down the spines of both marines and pirates alike. Residents all over the four seas feared his name, and his name alone could cause people to question if the threads of their lives would be severed by the piercing edge of his sword.

“Roronoa Zoro….” Your tone was leveled and held an air of disinterest as you talked. You spoke as if you were tasting the very syllables of his name, taking the time to roll each combination of letters against your tongue. They tumbled from your lips with a smoothness you weren’t entirely opposed to━ it was almost pleasant, if you were being honest with yourself.

A practice you didn't normally engage in.

Upon identifying the swordsman aloud, a short wave of hushed gasps from the customers surrounding you filled the air. With speeds that almost seemed abnormal, the long metal pole resting in your black bag suddenly ended up in your grasp, one end of it hovering several inches away from Roronoa's neck; such speeds even caught the mint-haired swordsman off guard. “Getting a drink, of course. Isn’t it obvious?”

Before he could even part his lips to reply, the piercing shing! of steely iron being brandished cut through the thick tension that settled in between you. A long and heavily curved blade abruptly emerged from the blackened rod in your right hand, and oh so conveniently arced around Roronoa's neck, momentarily silencing him. 

The weapon you carried was a scythe, one with a retractable blade meant to disarm your opponent’s perception and therefore hinder their judgment. A scythe that was reminiscent of the tool Death used to carry out his grisly duties of executing souls and dragging them to hell.

In this position with the scythe’s blade practically wrapped around his throat, if need be you could swiftly behead him, or at least mutilate him; judging by how quickly he unsheathed his katana, his reflexes were pretty sharp. Still, the potential ease of killing Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro— in addition to the mild bewilderment reflecting in his eyes and the patrons’ silent gasps once they pieced together who you were— caused your lips to tick upwards, but your countenance remained otherwise stoic.

“And I’m assuming you’re here for the same reason. That, or you just couldn’t get enough of me during our last battle, and you tracked me down for more.”

Your previously dry tone had somehow morphed into one with an airy lilt, followed by a quiet chuckle that bubbled in your chest when you saw Roronoa's brows twitch and deepen with ire at your subtly teasing words.

You were referring to the last time you saw the swordsman on some obscure island that took root in the Grand Line; an island whose name currently escaped your memory. With you being a bounty hunter as well, your job was the only reason why your paths have crossed so often, and why you have come to know Roronoa on a more personal level such as this. Each time your gazes clashed, it would always result in an inevitable battle, which indirectly fanned the flames of an unspoken competition between the two of you.

If his current expression was anything to go by, this bar may very well be your next battlefield. “You lost that fight, remember?” He emphasized his point by digging the sharp edge of his blade a little further into your neck, the increased pressure causing your eyebrow to all but twitch, “Or did I hit you too hard last time we fought, and now you’re suffering from long-term memory loss?”

The edges of an insufferable smirk curled at Roronoa's lips— one that conveyed his confidence in his abilities and matched the glint in his eyes that began to grow hungry for a brawl. And now, the corners of your own lips broke into a small, amused smile— or perhaps it would be more accurately referred to as a sneer— and you responded by mirroring his earlier movements.

Pressing the sharp end of your scythe into the back of his neck, the blade was met with the resistance of the corded muscle residing there, and your gaze eagerly drank in the brief glimmer of pain that was but a ripple across his arrogant expression.

“I didn’t lose that fight. It was a draw, at best. Seems like you must not remember the excessive blood loss on your end. But anyhow, tell me something pirate hunter…” You uncrossed your legs to stand up and took one step closer towards Roronoa, careful not to let his sword further nick your skin even though it was already dangerously close to you, “How many bounties have you collected since we last saw each other? Three? Two? One?”

Your voice descended further into a teasing whisper, and Roronoa's indignation only grew with each number you hurled at him.

The samurai didn’t take your tone lightly, and perceived your step forward as something of a  challenge, one that his nerves and heart and bones pleasantly vibrated to the sound of. So he too took a step forward, away from the piercing curve of your scythe that hung behind him like a shadow.

Roronoa was a little taller than you were, so meeting his gaze meant angling your neck upwards whilst he simultaneously moved his face an inch closer to yours.  “You think you’re hot shit, huh? Try five, sweetheart.”

Your nostrils flared involuntarily at his bold claim, and something . . . something warm prickled underneath your skin at his referral to you as sweetheart. For some reason, that word━ especially coming from his lips━ was a bit harder to ignore compared to other comments about you from this bar's patrons. And what they said was far more conflicting than a simple term of endearment; even if the 'endearment' in question was so obviously meant to be condescending.

“Is that right? You think you're such a badass, don't you?"

"That's 'cause I am."

Roronoa's mocking sneer was punctuated with a step forward into your space this time; any closer and the front of your clothes might graze each other. The swordsman pushed the boundaries once more by adding a little more force onto the grip of his katana, enough to finally break the bonds of your umber tinted skin.

A barely decipherable noise of amusement and veneration rumbled in his chest when your blood dripped on the length of his sword, but your reaction was nothing more than an involuntary clench in your facial muscles.

"Yeah?" You questioned him with a glare and a tilt of your head in the direction of his blade that uncomfortably sat at the opening of your skin. The tightness in your voice was meant to goad him, but it also contained the sparks of a challenge━ and of something else you didn't want to identify━ that ignited in the pit of your stomach with an increasing amount of fervor.

"Yeah." His voice descended a little lower into a place that killed the next sentence on the tip of your tongue.

Your eyes then narrowed as you held Roronoa's taupe gaze, his overconfident words floated in the silent air between you like a speck of smoldering ash, ready to burst into something more intense and fierce the moment it touched the ground.

Then you shifted your cold gaze elsewhere, opting to let it lazily roam around the room. Everyone was staring at the both of you with uneasy expressions and anxious stares. You could tell that even at the slightest movement from either you or the swordsman would cause the panic bubbling beneath their skin to flood forth in waves.

If there was one thing about you, you preferred to be to discreet. It made your job a whole lot easier, and more enjoyable in the long run.

A hummed vibrated behind your plump lips and your glare returned to his. "Let's take this outside, swordsman. I'd hate to ruin this nice lady's establishment with scuff marks and your blood."

Roronoa huffed a scoff, the amused smirk from before uncurled into something more animalistic. "That's funny. But sure, I'm down. When I defeat you and spill your blood on the ground, it'll make perfect fertilizer for those little plants I saw outside."

You huffed at his cocky attitude and accompanied it with a roll of your eyes. Your stare pierced him for a moment longer before you rescinding it, along with your scythe that was still outstretched towards him. The mint haired swordsman followed suit after another beat or so.

"That's about as likely as a fish growing legs and walking on land." Your voice was thick with sarcasm as you fished out a cotton pouch from your bag; it was small in size, but heavy with Berry. As you slipped out a couple of bills to pay for the drink that sat idly forgotten at your seat, another hand forcefully placed several bills down on the counter.

That hand belonged to Roronoa. You had to force yourself from letting your irises linger too long, or else you'd start thinking about how rugged, calloused, and veiny it looked.

With a newfound general annoyance at both him and yourself, you proceeded to present the bills to the bartender, who looked as if she was one muscle twitch away from ducking under the table behind the counter. You offered something similar to a sympathetic smile to assuage whatever she was feeling.

"Don't bother." Roronoa called out.

When you turned around to greet his voice, he was sheathing the sword that he previously drawn and made his way to the entrance of the pub.

"What are you talking about?" As you inquired, the swordsman still allowed his back to face you, hardly pausing to properly address you.

"I said, don't bother." he repeated in a stern tone, as if that was going to elucidate exactly what he meant, "Now come on. I'm itching to cut you down so I can go lay down."

And without adding anything further, Roronoa eventually exited the bar and disappeared behind the doors.

You were starting to lose count of how many times you narrowed your eyes at the green-haired man, but your stare━ both equal parts vexed and confused━ rested on the doors he had just walked through as if glaring at them long or hard enough would summon him again.

With a sigh, you turned back to the thin stack of Berry he left on the table, eyeing it suspiciously. You weren't sure what he ordered or how much of it, but it look like quite a bit of money he'd just randomly tossed next to you.

Was he insinuating . . . . that he paid for both of your drinks? Could this be what he meant when he told you not to bother, because he already covered it? Such a gratuitous act of kindness, something seemingly so simple caused that weird fluttering to bounce against the walls of your stomach again.

Picking up your bag, you continued to poke and dissect his actions in an attempt find meaning in them as you tipped the barkeep, once more ignoring the stares of nearly every person in that building as you left.

The moment your heeled boots dug themselves into the ground, your peripheral vision was bombarded with something being swung in your direction at high speeds. Before you could even process what it was, you instinctively leapt out of the way, your neck jerking backwards to further avoid the object.

A grunt filled your ears, already knowing the origin of the sound. "Nice reflexes."

You exhaled an exasperated breath of air, turning your gaze to meet that of the mint-haired swordsman who had begun to unsheathe a second sword out of the three scabbards hanging from his hip.

"Can I at least breathe first? Set my stuff down perhaps?" You asked wryly, almost unimpressed, but you didn't waste any time removing the straps of your bag to set it down on a nearby barrel, still cursing the pirate hunter under your breath all the same.

"Didn't know you were that eager to eat dirt." The familiar hiss of your scythe's blade erecting from the rod sent a pleasurable chill up your arms. You held your weapon tightly at your side, your grasp around its length tightening ever still when Roronoa began to square his stance. Even when you were several feet away from him, you could still clearly see the crease in his brows becoming more prominent; he began to resemble some kind of beast.

But that glimmer in his eyes held no real fire in them━ at least not the one that would lead to anger; one could even say it was one of wild excitement. The swordsman already knew his thirst for a worthwhile fight would be sufficiently quenched once more.

"Shut up." With a grunt, Roronoa pushed off the balls of his feet to launch himself into a powerful sprint towards you. It was clear he wanted to close as much distance between the two of you as quickly as possible. His movements were reminiscent of his brief display of swordplay earlier in the bar, where he was one swipe away from slitting your throat.

He was fast, but the gritty and often dangerous nature of your job honed your reflexes to be faster.

Your spine bended as you briskly leaned backwards to dodge the double swipe of Roronoa's katanas. The sound of the sharp blades cutting through the very air around you. With it only inches away from your nose, it was enough to replace the blood pumping through your veins with pure adrenaline.

Using the momentum from your quick dodge, you allowed your back to curve into a bridge and kicked upwards into a backflip to move out of the way━ the corners of your lips twitched into a satisfied grin when you felt your foot collide with his jaw and chin.

Once you were upright again, you wasted no time lunging forward in a sprint, you body much lower to the ground than Roronoa's was. Your plan was to slash his legs to throw him off balance, but that plan quickly evaporated like smoke due to his quick recovery and immediate realization of what you were doing.

"Tch." Your tongue clicked against the roof of your mouth in annoyance when the swordsman was able to leap in the air in time to avoid your attack. He was high enough that you had to crane your neck to see. With that much height, the next blow was sure to be one with quite a bit of force behind it.

"Two-Swords Style, Nigiri...." The swordsman's orotund voice descended far from where he was suspended in midair, and you braced yourself for his next attack, "....Tower Climb Return!"

The following clash of piercing steel against metallic iron was deafening, swallowing up any other noise that reverberated around you. The sheer impact of Roronoa's attack created a thin ring of dust that encircled both your figures and violently buzzed against the pole of your scythe.

You gritted your teeth to remain footed into the ground, but the force was too much, and that shit-eating grin nearly unfurling at his lips was too annoying. It shook the steadiness in your legs and caused you to tumble back by several yards. By steeling your thighs and calves you willed yourself not to fall, huffing with effort and frustration.

It hadn't even been that long since you've last fought Roronoa, could he really have made noticeable improvements in a short amount of time?

Regardless of the answer, you weren't about to allow him the chance to prove himself.

The both of you then darted at each other again, your motions a bit more cutthroat this time, and a newborn determination to strike down the pirate hunter further fed the burning adrenaline that coursed through your body.

Reaching your arm backwards, you performed a horizontal slash that Roronoa parried almost instantly. With effortless control and graceful dexterity, you reached both arms behind your back and twirled your scythe between your fingers, shifting the weapon from one hand to the other, and attempted to cut him again.

He blocked that attack as well, the tip of the blade just inches away from his left eye. You saw something moving fast in your peripheral vision, and immediately jumped backwards to avoid the katana that was about to release your intestines from the confines of your stomach.

It was always a pain fighting Roronoa because he wielded multiple swords at once, which means battles with him were more drawn out than they needed to be.

You lunged at him once more, and began to administer a barrage of horizontal, vertical and diagonal slashes in rapid succession. Your constant switching from one hand to the other, in addition to its length and the impressive control you exerted over your limbs, you were able to create a variety of fluid, long and short-range attack patterns, barely allowing Roronoa enough time to parry.

The moss-haired swordsman was keeping up with the relentless flurry of your attacks quite well━ for a short while at least. Roronoa lost himself in his own inner monologue of searching for an opening wide enough to immobilize you, and before long, a red cut blossomed on his semi-exposed chest, the injury lazily drooling blood.

The amount of cuts both deep and shallow began to increase, tearing his skin asunder under the weight of your blows. Your scythe repeatedly made contact with the elongated ha of his katana as well as his tanned flesh, but it wasn't enough to deter him completely.

It should have been though, but the many encounters you've had with Roronoa reminded you that he was no ordinary man.

Within that bombardment of the numerous slices and projectile slashes of your scythe Roronoa had found a millisecond of respite, and used that brief pause to leap backwards and put some distance in between you two.

You weren't able to hear the aching cry from the muscles in your arms until after you halted your attack, but the adrenaline flickering in your gaze still raced around your irises unceasingly. Roronoa's own gaze was hard and unyielding, glistening with something you couldn't discern from where you stood. But even so, your body somehow knew to feel like malleable putty under his stare; it's as if it was instinctual.

And again your blades clashed against one another, a steady rhythm rose from the cacophony of noises that were generated from your battle with the swordsman. Your laborious breaths became synchronized with each other, heavy and full of effort. The thin splatters of blood became homogeneous with each other as the both of you took turns cracking each other's skin open. Your limbs moved about and against his in a deft fashion and every nerve in your body reacted to his.

So much so, you didn't even realize when it happened.

Your duel with Roronoa had been in the forefront of your mind entirely that you hadn't actively processed the moment when your ragged breaths turned to breathy pants. Nor did you realize the moment it was no longer a scythe and katanas clashing, but wet lips and warm extremities instead. That same glint that shimmered in your eyes all evening never faded even then; it still twinkled through the murky mist of lust that clouded yours and Roronoa's vision.

Whenever your eyes collided with that of Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro, an inescapable battle would always ensue━ it was tried and true, and it felt more like a promise. It was also true, although not externally expressed, that your fight with the mint-haired man was one that neither of you even wanted to evade.

With each brawl you learned something new about Roronoa, and you were repeatedly met with the reality and veracity of his skills, his reputation full-force. And when your brawl eventually led to the languid but hungry removal of each other's clothes, you learned more about Zoro, and the emotions hiding underneath his taut and rugged body. This learning curve was both all-consuming and tenderhearted, and you couldn't help but shiver at the fact you were the only one who could witness it.

And what good is a fight if he didn't learn from and about his opponent as well? Each new thing he unearthed about you was an incentive to further indulge your soft and fleshy curves, and observe how they seamlessly molded with firm, corded muscle. Completely unexpected, Zoro had become utterly fascinated with the warmth that resided under your icy, expressionless glare.

And when Zoro peeled back a new layer, when his lips hovered over an uncharted area of your skin━ hot, breathy, filled with groans of expletives intertwined with your name━ when the grip of his calloused fingers and his heavy cock simultaneously dug deeper into you, one leg dangling haphazardly off his shoulder, when your bodies meshed just like that, you moaned━ you knew you didn't want to stop fighting with him.

Again and again and again with each thrust, each roll of his hips, each sightless grope of your body, you knew you would gladly continue participating in this unspoken competition. You'd proudly don cuts and bruises if it meant you and you alone could have Roronoa Zoro like this. You'd keep at it with enthusiasm if it meant that your hearts would always collide so wholly with each other, not being able to tell where his ended and yours began.

( # ) @icy-spicy @godjo @tetzoro @triangularz @pookiesatoru

[worrywrite]

I am frequently amused when I see art of Ianthe post skeleton arm. Amused because almost every artist picks where the skeletal structure starts at a different point. Some go right up to the shoulder, some go just under, some go past the elbow (though I've only seen this once) and some don't even get which arm it is correct. And I'm amused because there is a fairly accurate description in HtN of where Harrow cuts off the grafted arm and begins rebuilding with bone. It's about 3-4 inches above the elbow on the right arm. You can extrapolate her height and estimate just about where it would be. And in m head it should be lower than where most people draw it.

More musings on Ianthe and art of her below.

I've met a handful of folks with a stump in about that same place and I think it's a fairly common point for amputation and so whenever I see art with the skeletal emerging higher up it seems off.

I'm not trying to shame the artists, of course. I don't think I've seen a bad portrait of Ianthe yet. I am, perhaps, most amused as a result of all this how you can tell the artists usually just want to draw a girl with a cool bone arm. And in my head, the higher up on the arm it starts the more I to it they are. After all, why no just give her more visible bones.

I wouldn't be surprised if, in an effort to seduce Harrow she slowly abandoned more and more flesh in favor of gilded bone. Sure she started with it just above the elbow, but then she stripped off the bicep. Then the shoulder. Then part of the flesh around the collarbone. And when she started encountering more arteries and organs it gets trickier but she manages to remove the flesh and grow out her osseous material into plated structures to keep the important bits covered. Then she takes off the neck and the lower jaw. Then the entire left arm piece by piece from the fingertips up, one segment per day. At that point she doesn't feel pain any more. After that, it's the whole collar bone. The face she keeps, because she won't go quite so far as to essentially wear the paint of the ninth house by making her face a mask of bone. What beauty would that leave? She'll leave her breasts too, to satisfy her own vanity and hope that Harrow appreciates it least some flesh. But then it's to the ribcage; which is tricky, but it can be externalized and most of the internal organs can be put in flexible cartilaginous or osseous chambers padded with fat. By the time it gets to the pelvis she's torn, she wouldn't dare rob herself of some of the last pieces of stimulating nerve endings she has, and yet she feels like Harrow wouldn't care much; so naturally she exposes portions but not all of the pelvis. And then it's just the legs, and that's not even a big deal by that point.

Now fully formed, Lich!Ianthe has made herself everything that she thinks Harrow would adore. She has lost her sense of pain, and also almost all of her pride as she has come to realize that she has succumbed to an obsession. She has made herself a monster the likes of which stirs fear in the eyes of God. She is asked time and again to stop, but she only does when she's taken all that she can. Now she's gilded to perfection, equal parts gaudy trophy and skeletal object of desire. And she feels more like her own person than she's ever been.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello dear witch! Thank you for all the amazing things you do <3 I have a question about vaginal health (if other people could share their experiences that would also be very appreciated) Sorry if this is too long

So from reading your replies to people on T I learned about vaginal atrophy bc of low estrogen. I am a woman(?) in her early 20s with a vagina. I went into menopause about 2 years ago bc of chemotherapy and currently have low levels of both E and T. My new "no period, ovaries empty" life hasn't really been bothering me so i've kind of procrastinated on going to the gyno about hrt (the menopause kind, i'm not planning a gender-affirming one), and now i will only get the opportunity to do so in a couple of months. So back to the atrophy - should i like, start jorking it regularly for vaginal health's sake? My libido is gone so i don't really feel like doing it most of the time, i straight up forget that it's a thing sometimes lol. Also, everywhere i see it says that penetration specifically is good for preventing atrophy - but why? Doesn't arousal from clit stimulation supply enough bloodflow? I've never done any kind of penetration - should i consider it?

Wishing you a lovely day! 🌱

hi anon,

what a great question! and not one that seems to have an easily-available answer online, I'm afraid. most of the sources I can find that acknowledge "sexual activity" as a good way to combat vaginal atrophy note that either partnered sex or masturbation are sufficient, but none of them specify whether penetration is a must. that's not very helpful, is it?

you're definitely right that any kind of sexual arousal will get blood flowing into the genitals, which is preventing atrophy. the best explanation I can think of for why penetration might be preferable to clitoral stimulation on that front would be that the vaginal muscles will get more of a workout accommodating something being inserted into the vagina, but if that's not something that's appealing to you I wouldn't force it. difficult sex after menopause can become an unfortunately self-perpetuating cycle of pain and frustration, so don't push yourself into anything that doesn't feel worth the effort.

[tonowarii]

A Life for A Life

Pairing: Lo'ak te Suli Tsyeyk'itan x Fem! Omaticaya! Reader

Requested?: Yes

Summary: “It can’t all be sorrow, can it? I’ve always been alone, so I don’t feel the lack. It’s all I’ve ever known. I’ve never experienced loss because I’ve never had a loved one to lose. But what is grief, if not love persevering?” - Vision, WandaVision.

Word Count: 7.8k

Warning/s: MAJOR ATWOW spoilers!! violence, swearing, angst to the max!! CHARACTER DEATH, hurt no comfort, just pain and suffering

Note: Now that I think about it, this may be my first time writing full on angst and having that certain tag in my warnings 👀 this piece absolutely broke me so I hope it breaks you too jk <3 Likes, reblogs, and feedbacks are most welcome and appreciated! Let me know your thoughts! And let me know if you want to see a comfort drabble for this!

GIF is mine!

You had understood Lo’ak when no one could.

Over the years growing up together, Lo’ak had created a soft spot for you in his heart, soon blooming into a romantic feeling that Lo’ak couldn’t shake, no matter how hard he tried.

At first, he just thought you were a good friend, a shoulder to lean on, but the more he stares at you whenever he finds himself ranting about his father again, he saw how your eyes held this certain look in them, how your ears perk every time he speaks a little louder because of his frustration.

Then he felt how long your touch lingered on him when you give him a comforting hug. It didn’t mean much to him at first, just an act of comfort, but when he soon realized his feelings for you, he almost wanted you to not pull away. He wanted to cling to you, he wanted to rest himself on you.

You were that person who could make his problems melt away just by the sound of your voice, and your gentle touches. He found it even easier to rest with you rather than being with his family, he liked to admit, but would never say it out loud.

Whilst Lo’ak delt with his feelings for you, you had also began to grow longing for him. Whenever he was out on a mission or just a hunt, you would find yourself worrying when he’ll be coming back, or even if he was going to comeback due to his share of recklessness.

You find yourself waiting, and when they do comeback, the first thing you wanted to see was him. Often, he’d come back perfectly fine, physically. Emotionally and mentally? Not so much as you could also feel the anger radiating off his father when he had disobeyed another rule of his.

You often get to witness how Lo’ak just looked down at his feet while he was getting reprimanded by his dad. Then when he dismisses them, you hurry off towards him.

This had been a routine for both of you, Neytiri almost thought that his son was dating you, surprising her by saying the two of you were just close friends, even if Neytiri could see how much untroubled Lo’ak was with you and how she could tell her son loved you just by her motherly instinct.

Then there was the time that came when Lo’ak finally had acted upon his feelings for you. It certainly took him a while, but every effort he made was worth it. It started by whenever he’s going to see you, he made sure to bring a little flower or two, surprising you. At first, he played it off, saying it was a sign of thanks. ‘For always listening to me complain and stuff’

Then soon it evolved into anklets made with little trinkets he found on the way to see you. You were beginning to get nervous when Lo’ak had started giving you these gifts, what could it possibly mean? And you, you were falling hard.

Lo’ak then had asked you to meet him after eclipse in your usual spot. You agreed, thinking Lo’ak just maybe needed a change of scenario.

Oh boy how you were wrong.

Lo’ak was almost jumpy from his nervousness as he was finally going to confess to you. He was already happy hen you agreed to meet him by eclipse, but that also meant his plan was a go.

“Lo’ak?” You softly called out. Then you heard a faint rustling before his voice replied. “Here.”

Upon hearing his voice, you’ve gotten the courage to stepf forth towards him. Looking around, your spot was much more beautiful at night as glowing vines hanged from trees, the ground glowed a soft green and purple, the leaves were being picked up by the breeze, sending glowing particles everywhere.

Then you spotted a kenten, your eyes widening with glee as you approached it, your hand reached out as you give it a small tap. It squeaked before unfurling its wings, glowing brightly and spinning away as you let out a loud laugh.

Then thanks to the glow of the kenten, it highlighted Lo’ak, who was watching you with a smile on his face.

You blush. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He responded, before beckoning you to come sit with him in the grass. “C’mere.”

Following, you sat across from him.

The silence had settled after a few minutes, the sound of nature was the only thing that can be heard, along with your occasional breathing.

Lo’ak then gulps, finally looking at you in the eyes and swallowing every bit of pride that he had as he softly grabbed your hand and held them against his bigger ones.

“The- the reason I asked you to see me here is because... I’ve like... No- shit... Okay, its because I love you (Y/N). Even if I tried, I can’t stop thinking of you. I always find myself picking up things to give to you, even if its just a little flower, and... Even if I know you deserve more than just that.”

Lo’ak could feel himself tense with the words he was saying, but he didn’t stop. “I don’t know what you did to me (Y/N),” He chuckles before heaving a deep breath “I just know I love you, not in that friend way... I love you as in I want to be with you, I want to provide for you, I want to be by your side, always. I’m actually getting ahead of myself- but I needed to say this to you. It is fine if you don’t feel the same way, I know I took too much time in saying this and I’m sounding very stupid right now because you are just staring... And-“

With a playful smack to his head, sending Lo’ak looking at you dumbfounded, stopping his declaration of love for you.

You laugh at his reaction before smiling widely as your heart pounded from hearing his words.

“You skxawng. It took you long enough.”

That’s when the long-awaited relationship finally bloomed between the two of you. Lo’ak couldn’t be any happier, well, the teasing of his family often makes him wanna smack his head on the tree but nonetheless, he was happy as his family accepted you, and your family couldn’t be any happier.

But every relationship has its ups and downs.

After a few years, the RDA was back and it has been rumoured that they were targeting Jake Sully again.

That’s when Lo’ak had faced the consequences of his actions when he went to the abandoned shack with his siblings. He found himself stood in front of you with the aftermath, with it being that they had to leave to get far away from the people, to protect them.

Tears clouded your vision, shaking your head no as Lo’ak pulled you in a hug as your tears rolled down your cheeks, placing your balled fists on his chest.

“No, I won’t have this, Lo’ak. I won’t. I don’t want to be far away from you.” You sobbed through, voice cracking in the process as Lo’ak frowned, holding you.

“We can’t. I can’t do anything about it, (Y/N). We leave tomorrow, dad had already talked to grandma about the next olo’eyktan.”

You sob harder, clinging onto him as his arms gave you a tight squeeze. Lo’ak didn’t want to leave you, but with his encounter with the avatars, it made him think that what if you were the one held captive?

But the way you were holding him it seemed like you had no plans of letting go.

He rubs your back as your cries slowly turned to sniffles.

“Lo’ak?” You ask, voice still shaky.

“Hm? What is it, baby?” Lo’ak’s voice answered.

“I’m going with you.”

Your parents were initially against the idea of you joining the Sully family, but they had soon agreed once Jake and Neytiri had promised that they would protect you and treat you as their own.

It was hard saying goodbye to your parents, but you had no choice, you didn’t want to be separated from him, not when you were miles away with no point of contact.

Lo’ak had then also secretly promised to your parents that he’d protect you, even if it had cost his life.

Then you had left Omaticaya.

During the long journey, you and Lo’ak stayed flying side by side on your ikrans, talking to each other to ease the tiredness.

Reaching the Metkayina clan, you were instantly curious as they had a huge contrast from your home, considering they were reef dwellers.

They had been surrounded by ocean; their skins were teal-green. They had bright blue eyes and tattoos that littered their body. Though you didn’t like the boys who made fun of your tails, sending them a glare your way when they had pointed out Lo’ak’s tail, and his four fingers.

Once the family had settled in, you were quickly advised by Jake to learn fast and to not be a burden. But the first few days were hard considering Ao’nung, the chief’s son, was being a total douche. He was always making fun of either one of you for not being able to learn fast.

Tsireya, now the chief’s daughter and sister of Ao’nung, was much more kinder, advising that every little progress is still progress. You’ve quickly found yourself befriending her due to your lessons together and Tsireya was more than happy to find a new friend.

Lo’ak however, was still finding difficulty with trying to follow due to Ao’nung and his gang’s teasing remarks. But he tried not to let his anger get the best of him. That seems to work considering you were always right there beside him when you were done with your lessons. That provided him with the comfort that you were still here, with him in every step of the way.

But at the end of every day, you find yourself and Lo’ak on the shore, talking to each other like you did back in the forest of Pandora.

“You did well today.” You smile, leaning against Lo’ak’s shoulder.

“Yeah? When I almost drowned?” Lo’ak joked making you laugh. “Maybe.” You teased and Lo’ak smiled, but then it was followed by a sigh. You glanced up at him “What’s wrong?”

Lo’ak looks at you before glancing back at the ocean “What if we don’t get used to this? What if I don’t get used to this? The people earlier… I saw them looking at me, at my hands… I hear them saying I’m not a true Na’vi, that I’m demon blood.”

“Hey, Lo’ak, no. You’re not what they say you are. You are Na’vi and Eywa has known it since the start. You,” You said, holding up his hand and grasping his pinky with your three fingers. “You are not a demon, you’re not demon blood. Your dad, he was, and I repeat, was once part of the Sky People, right? But look at him now, just doing what he can to protect his family, I don’t see any trace of demon blood in there. All I see is a good person doing what he thinks is right. Like you, Lo’ak. You are a good person, don’t let them make you question yourself.”

With a deep breath, you looked at him. “I see you.”

By the time you finished, you gave a light squeeze to his hand, finally intertwining it with yours as you showed him. Lo’ak’s eyes had tears threatening to spill out from them as he pursed his lips together, fighting down the lump in his throat. “Remember that Lo’ak, okay?” You say, facing the back of his hand towards your face as you give it a light kiss, looking at him. “I love you either way.”

“(Y/N).” He finally spoke, voice cracking. “Thank you. I love you. I see you.” He lets go of your hand to pull you in a side hug, wrapping his arms around your shoulder while your hand made its way around his waist. Your head perfectly rested against his shoulder as he gives you a kiss on the forehead.

You both had ended watching the eclipse in silence, holding onto each other for strength.

A few weeks had passed, and things was just starting to get good when you’ve heard that Lo’ak and Neteyam had picked a fight with Ao’nung and his gang.

Lo’ak had then explained that Ao’nung was picking on Kiri, calling her a freak. It made you frown while the sibling being spoken of was nowhere to be seen. You had been inspecting Lo’ak’s bruises since he came in the Marui with Neteyam, and Lo’ak was holding his arm.

You watched as Neteyam tried to take the blame again when Jake refused. You were about to wipe the blood from his nose when Lo’ak gently pushed you away, looking at you with a shake of his head. You then backed away, understanding.

“Go, apologize to Ao’nung.” Jake stared at his son. “What?” Lo’ak said, surprised.

“He’s the chief’s son, do you understand? I don’t care how you do it, just go. Make peace. And (Y/N), can you see where Kiri is?” Jake said to Lo’ak then to you.

You and Lo’ak stared at each other. You give him a soft glance as he sighed, nodding and walking out of the marui, then you followed outside to find where Kiri was.

Your worry began to grow when Lo’ak had not yet returned when it was almost eclipse. You finally had the nerve to go around and ask for his whereabouts, the first person you asked was Neteyam.

Walking out of your marui and onto the communal area, where you had stumbled upon a frantic-looking Neteyam. “Neteyam!” You shout over to him, and he spots you, jogging until he stopped in front of you.

“Have you seen Lo’ak?” He asked you first. Your brows furrowed, shaking your head. “I was about to ask you the same thing!”

Neteyam sighs in frustration, placing his hand on his head. “Where could that boy be.”

“I’m getting worried, Neteyam, he hasn’t returned yet.” You spoke.

Then as if on cue Ao’nung’s gang had passed, laughing their ass of as you were able to pick up on what they were saying, and it seemed like Neteyam did as well.

“I wish we stuck on more to see the look on his face!”

“Why didn’t you lead him even deeper down in the reefs, I heard there’s more scary creatures there.”

“Forest boy doesn’t even know what’s coming to him.”

Neteyam had acted first before you. He was already on Ao’nung, shoving his chest with anger evident in his features. “Where is my brother?”

Ao’nung looks at Neteyam, before he spots you taking the spot behind Neteyam, anger also evident on your face. Ao’nung smirks, shrugging. “I don’t know, maybe he’s past the reef, said he liked to go hunting with us. I guess he stayed back.” He said in a taunting voice.

Your eyes widened and you were about to make a move to fight the boy when Neteyam already did it for you, he shoves Ao’nung around, his hand immediately grabbing onto his hair, tightening his grip on it as Ao’nung grunted in pain, sudden fear overcoming him as he was held by his queue.

You hissed at Ao’nung as Neteyam held him in place. His friends were shocked before they scurried off after meeting your hiss towards them, not being the one next to be held by their queue.

Ao’nung has his hands up in surrender. Neteyam looks at you and he jerks his head towards the direction of your marui. “Let’s go.”

After a search party had been set out for Lo’ak, you and Neteyam waited in the communal area, your legs were bouncing in anxiety as torches had been lit around to make light in the dark.

Neteyam could sense your worry, he was too, but he offers you a hand on his shoulder, rubbing your back. The two of you had waited, every passing second felt like torture.

Then someone had sounded the horn.

“The boy has been found!”

Wasting no time, you stand upright with Neteyam following you as you hopped down onto the docks. The heavy weight on your chest disappearing once you see Lo’ak climbed on top.

You were about to approach him when he had that look of anger in his eyes directed at Ao’nung, he was about to launch at him when Jake had prevented him.

“He’s fine, he’s fine. It’s just a few scratches.” Jake said, making you sigh in relief as you moved forward, getting a clear view of him as Neytiri jumped down.

“I pray for the strength that I will not pluck the eyeballs out of my youngest son.” She snarled at Lo’ak, making Lo’ak shake his head, ignoring his mother.

“No, my son knows better than to take him outside the reef.” Tonowari, the olo’eyktan of the Metkayina spoke. “The blame is his.” He said, pushing his son, Ao’nung down on one knee.

You and Neteyam watch the whole scene play out.

“No, this is not Ao’nung’s fault. It was my idea.” Lo’ak then suddenly said, catching the two of you by surprise. “Ao’nung tried to talk me out of it. Really.”

After that whole ordeal was finished, you had decided to take Lo’ak to treat his wounds.

The following days had been a whirlwind of al sorts of things, good and bad. Ao’nung had finally made amends with the Sully family. You were still wary of him, but as time had passed, you also grew to like him as a friend. Now, all of you were spending the afternoon together, circled around as Lo’ak told the story of him coming across a tulkun.

“I wish I had been there. The ocean blessed you with a gift, brother.” Kiri said, smiling at Lo’ak while you sat beside him, listening.

“The tulkun have not returned yet, and- anyway, no tulkun is ever alone.” Ao’nung said, gesturing.

“Well, this one was,” Lo’ak started. “He had uh- um a missing fin. Like a stump on the left side.”

“Poor Tulkun.” You could hear Tuk say before Tsireya spoke. “Payakan. It’s Payakan.”

You tilted your head, looking at Tsireya. “Who’s Payakan?” You asked her.

Rotxo was the one to answer. “A young tulkun who went rogue. He is outcast, alone, and he has a missing fin.”

“They say he is a killer.” Tsireya told all of you.

“No.” Lo’ak muttered. “He killed Na’vi and other tulkun.” Ao’nung said, looking at Lo’ak. “Not here, but far to the south.

“No, he’s no killer.” Lo’ak looked down. “Lo’ak you are lucky to be alive.” Tsireya said.

“I’m telling you guys; he saved my life!” Lo’ak turned to you, hoping you’ll believe him as he held your hand. “He’s my friend.”

“My baby bro.” Neteyam piped up, standing behind him to place his hands on his younger brother’s shoulders. “The mighty warrior, who faced the killer tulkun, and lived to tell about it.”

Lo’ak grunted in frustration, standing up, letting go of your hand. “You guys aren’t listening.” He said, he spares one last glance at you before he was walking away.

“Lo’ak!” You called out to him, but he was already gone.

The next few days, Lo’ak had been spending more time with Payakan rather than with you, or his family. It made you miss him, of course. But there was nothing you could do as you knew Lo’ak could be quite stubborn himself. So you had busied yourself with the others, including Tsireya.

You had just reached the surface, holding onto your ilu as Tsireya smiles back at everyone. “We are here.”

You moved forward to see the absolute breath-taking view you’ve ever seen. You feel a smile creep up to your face as you breathed out “Wow.”

“This is the cove of the ancestors.” Tsireya spoke, out from the corner of your eye you could see Rotxo smiling at your reactions. “Our most sacred place.”

“Eclipse is the best time of day to be here.” Tsireya explained as you hid your face using your hand from the blinding light. Tsireya urged you all to move forward, before stopping as she extended her hand out. “This is it; this is The Spirit Tree.”

Hopping off your ilu and diving down, you were met with The Spirit Tree. Your eyes widen as you inspect it. You were beside Neteyam and Tuk while Rotxo signalled for you to attach your queue towards it. You three looked at each other, before you were grabbing onto your queue, softly placing it against the tendril.

Your mouth formed a small ‘o’ as you were overcame with the voices of their ancestors. You smiled along with Neteyam and Tuk. It truly was a beautiful thing to hear and see.

But all of that would end as the Spirit Tree begins flashing, making you look around to find Kiri’s body spasming underwater. Taking off your tsaheylu, you nudged Neteyam and pointed at her.

All of you swam towards her, both you and Neteyam grabbing a hold of either arm of hers as you swam her back up to the surface.

Neteyam lifts Kiri’s faint body on the ilu while you surround them. “Kiri!” You tried shaking her, but it was no use. “What’s wrong? What is it?!” Tuk asks, alarmed. “It was a seizure.” Neteyam answered, providing her CPR.

“Is she breathing?” Rotxo asked as you had the idea of gathering the ilu already. Once you hear Kiri’s gasp of breath, Tsireya spoke up. “Get her back to the village!”

Kiri was still unconscious and that led Jake to call on Norm and max to check upon her. It seems like Neytiri also had the same idea as she brings Ronal, the tsahik of the Metkayina towards their Marui.

You, Neteyam, and Lo’ak were stood outside, giving them room. But you couldn’t help but question Lo’ak.

“Where were you?” You asked Lo’ak as he stared at the ground. Neteyam could sense an argument coming just from the tone of your voice, he knew better than to interfere, letting you talk to his own brother as he excused himself to go inside the marui to check upon Kiri.

Lo’ak doesn’t answer. “Lo’ak.” You spoke. “Were you out looking for Payakan again?” You questioned. “I was, so what?” Lo’ak finally snapped, looking at you and standing straight, making you look up at him.

That didn’t deter you. “Lo’ak, you’re no longer spending time with us, you’re always out there!” You say, pointing towards the ocean. “You forget you have a family back here; you forget that you have me here.” You said, frowning at him. “Something worse could’ve happened to Kiri and what- you’re out there bonding with an outcast!”

You didn’t mean the words you said, and you rarely ever argued with Lo’ak. You tried to understand him, but he needed to understand you too. Lo’ak sneers at you, shaking his head “I thought you’d understand.” He said before walking off. “Lo’ak, Lo’ak!” You called out to him.

The tensions grew after a few days of not speaking to him, but Lo’ak seemed to get things together as he finally ended up apologizing to you one day as you were wrapping food. You forgave him, saying that he needed to understand where you were coming from. He realized it.

Your relationship with Lo’ak, even if it did sometimes cause arguments, it always ended up with you opening up to each other about what he or you did, or what he and you didn’t like. You were happy you got it sorted out, you didn’t want to be another thing that Lo’ak stressed about. You wanted to be there for him.

But one day, it surprised you when the horn sounded, and you could hear Tsireya’s voice. You, Lo’ak, Neteyam, and Tuk raced out the marui, wondering what was going on.

“The tulkuns have returned! Everybody! Our brothers and sisters have returned!” Tsireya waves. Then all of you stood mesmerised as groups of tulkun had entered. Your smile widened as the people raced to jump out in the water with cheers.

You gasp, looking at Lo’ak before grabbing his hand, tugging him towards the ocean. “Let’s go!”

You ended up riding on Lo’ak’s ilu behind him, an arm wrapped around him as you pointed at the many tulkun underwater. Lo’ak followed your gaze as he drove his ilu. His hand carefully placed on your thigh so you don’t fall off. He occasionally taps it to make you look where he was looking at.

You smile, seeing the Metkayina greet their brothers and sisters, making you appreciate the beauty of it all as you lay your head on Lo’ak’s shoulder. You even spot his siblings holding onto the fins of the tulkun as they swam around.

But alas, all good things must come to an end.

One day, Tsireya and the others, including you, had decided to follow Lo’ak on one of his trips to Payakan.

You swam closer until Tsireya stops you, holding onto a stem to steady yourself.

There he was, the love of your life, Lo’ak, in front of who you deemed was Payakan as you got a good glance of his stump on his fin. You watched as the tulkun, or Payakan, open his mouth widely, making you furrow your eyebrows and look at Lo’ak.

You saw him contemplating, making you question if he was really going to go in there.

He did. You watched him as he swam inside Payakan’s mouth.

The next seconds made your heart spike. Payakan closed its mouth, completely swallowing Lo’ak whole. You and Neteyam were just about to go over him when Ao’nung held you back, as with Tsireya and Neteyam. You looked at Ao’nung and he signed ‘Wait’.

You look at him, shaking your head, wanting to go but his firm hold doesn’t make you budge. You look over at Neteyam, making him shrug. You could tell he also wanted to go to his brother.

But when Lo’ak comes out from Payakan, still in one piece, it made you relieved. But then that led to Lo’ak seeing all of you.

Unfortunately, that also led to unfortunate events as the other Metkayina hunters had spotted you outside the reef. Then it led to a lecturing by Tonowari and Ronal, furthermore, having Jake hover over Lo’ak and his actions.

But that wasn’t all, you had received the news that Ronal’s spirit sister, had been hunted and left floating in the ocean. This had angered the Metkayina, now pushing them to engage in Jake’s war.

“My spirit sister, and her baby have been murdered by Sky People!” Ronal shouted.

“This war has come to us. We knew about this hunting of our tulkun people, but it was over the horizon far away!” Tonowari said. “Now it is here!”

You frowned then felt a hand on your shoulder. Looking to the side it was Lo’ak. You hugged his side as Jake’s voice intervened. “You gotta understand how the Sky People think! They don’t care about the great balance.”

That only let the Metkayina exclaim out in anger as Neteyam spoke. “Listen, listen to him!”

“The Sky people are not gonna stop. This is only the beginning. You gotta tell your tulkun to leave, you gotta tell them to go far away!” Jake explained.

“Leave?” Ronal spat back at him. “You live among us, and you learned nothing!” Her voice breaking sends you to grip a little tighter against Lo’ak.

“We will fight to protect our brothers and sisters!” A Metkayina warrior announced, earning the praise of people as they agreed. Jake shakes his head, “If you attack, if you fight, then they will destroy you! They will destroy everything that you love!” Jake shouted. You breathed out, looking back at Lo’ak to find him looking at his father.

The people wouldn’t listen as Jake began to get frustrated. He looks for something and plucks it out of Neteyam’s grip and he presents it to the people. You tilt your head, seeing a needle-like object covered in red. You stared at it. Then silence came.

“You tell the tulkun, if they are hit by one of these they’re marked for death… call for me. I’ll silence it… saving their lives, that’s all that matters, right? Saving your family.” Jake finished.

Tonowari and Ronal looked at each other before the decision has been made. “Tell the tulkun. Go.”

Everyone had scurried away, and you could feel Lo’ak slipping from your grip as he turns around. “Lo’ak!” You called out, that gathered the attention of Tsireya, Kiri, Tuk, Rotxo, Ao’nung, and Neteyam as they followed you.

“Lo’ak, what are you doing?” You asked him as he placed the saddle on his ilu. “I have to warn Payakan.”

“No, Lo’ak, you’ve got to stay here.” You said sternly at him. Lo’ak shakes his head. “He is outcast. There is nobody to warn him but me!” Lo’ak defended.

Then came the footsteps of the others, Neteyam stepping right beside you as the others watched.

“Bro, why do you always have to make things so hard?” Neteyam said. Lo’ak then glared at his brother, sneering.

“No, you mean why can’t I be the perfect son like you?! The perfect little soldier- well I’m not you!” Lo’ak shouted at him.

“Lo’ak!” You scolded, looking between him and Neteyam. Neteyam exhales, frowning at his brother.

“I’m not you! Okay? He’s my brother. I’m going!” Lo’ak said.

“No, I’m your brother.” Neteyam said, gripping Lo’ak’s arm. “Get off me!” Lo’ak said jerking his arm away from Neteyam’s grip to jump on his ilu. You gasp, “Lo’ak!”

“Go, go, let’s go, he’s going to Payakan!” Neteyam pats you on the shoulder as the others nodded. You called for your ilu before jumping and making tsaheylu.

“Come back, Lo’ak!” You begged. Lo’ak doesn’t look back as he dives in the water, speeding up. The rest of you followed as you tried to fight the heavy feeling in your heart.

Reaching Payakan, you had seen Lo’ak pulling out the same tracker that Jake held earlier. Your eyes widened as you tried helping Lo’ak pull it off. “Hurry, the ships are coming! They’re over there!”

You tried to pull but it wasn’t budging. “Call dad, go! Just go, do it!” Neteyam shouted at Lo’ak. Lo’ak follows, trying to contact his father as the four of you tried to pull the tracker out of Payakan.

“It’s getting closer!” Tsireya exclaimed as you tried pulling harder, grunting. “I know!” You said, quickly diving down underwater to grab a vine, tugging it and swimming to the surface, you hand it over to them.

“Here! Ao’nung, Neteyam!” You shout. They quickly got the idea as you tied the other end of the vine to your ilu. “Go, go, go!” Ao’nung said as you mounted your ilu, commanding it to pull as hard as it can as you scream.

“Pull! Harder!” Tsireya shouted as you tried. Then it finally gives up as it was finally removed.

You tug the vine, reaching the tracker as you held it in your hands. “Go! Go with them, I’ll hold them off!” You shout. Lo’ak looks at you with uncertainty in his eyes as the others moved quickly. “Go!” You shouted at him with a hard gaze.

He nods slowly before catching up with the others. You tried to move as farther as you can, holding the tracker in your hand as you dove in. But a shockwave near you almost dismounts you from your ilu, but you kept going. Once you had deemed it was far enough, you let go, letting it drop to the ocean floor.

Now your problem was going back to them. To Lo’ak.

Your eyes scanned everywhere for any sign of them, but you couldn’t find anything. You moved up to the surface just in time for you to see two banshees carrying a net that held Tsireya and Tuk on the inside, while Lo’ak was fighting to get them out from the outside.

“Fuck!” You exclaimed. You then had to look for Neteyam, hoping he wasn’t captured as well. Then you heard the wailing of the people arriving on their skimwings. You bit your lip, looking around. Your breathing ragged as you prepared to let your ilu move. But something appeared from beside you, making you gasp but it was only Neteyam. “Shh!” He said, placing a hand on your mouth. He then lets you go when you calmed down. “Neteyam, they- they’ve got them.” You spoke. “I know. I saw.” Neteyam sighs, thinking of a way to get his siblings back. “We try to-“ Neteyam was cut off as you saw Payakan in the distance launch himself onto the ship.

“Holy shit!” Neteyam exclaimed. You then saw a bunch of boats headed at Payakan.

“That’s us, let’s go, let’s go!” Neteyam said to you as his ilu raced to the demon ship. You follow, racing beside him.

You watched as the war waged on between the Metkayina and the Sky People. Then you saw the demon ship caught on fire as it began moving in full speed towards a rock, launching itself up in the air before landing against it, slowing down to a halt.

“Follow me, alright!?” Neteyam looks back at you. You nodded frantically as you watched him dive, tagging along as you steered your ilu underwater.

Then Neteyam charges upwards, hopping off his ilu and he climbs up towards the ship, you copied his movements, landing on the ship with a loud thud.

“Neteyam! (Y/N)!” Tuk exclaimed in joy. “(Y/N)!” Lo’ak said in surprise, looking at you. “Hey there baby brother, need some help?” Neteyam chuckles as you cut off the bands of Tsireya, then Tuk with your own dagger.

Neteyam was left with Lo’ak. “Get Tuk out of here, Reya.” You said to her, patting her back as she nods, taking Tuk’s hand before jumping in the water. You then waited for Neteyam to free Lo’ak.

“Who’s the mighty warrior, hm? Come on, say it!” Neteyam teased Lo’ak who rolled his eyes, he was now cut free. You sigh in relief as you ran to embrace him as his arms wrapped around you tightly.

Resting your head on his chest as Lo’ak kisses the crown of your head.

“Come on, let’s go you two, move!” Neteyam said, chuckling. You pulled away from the hug with a chuckle. As you were about to jump off with Neteyam, that’s when Lo’ak stopped in his tracks and goes the other way, making the two of you look at him.

“Lo’ak!” Both of you shout. He picks up a rifle on the ground, cocking it. “They’ve got Spider. We’ve gotta get him, come on.” Lo’ak said, looking at the two of you. “Come on, (Y/N)?” Lo’ak looks at you when Neteyam doesn’t respond. As far as you knew, Spider was Lo’ak’s brother too, even if he was human.

“Okay, I’ll come with you.” You said, nodding. Neteyam smacks his fist on the ground before following the two of you.

Sneaking in the ship wasn’t easy, there were a lot of humans evacuating as their urgent voices filled the ship. You, Lo’ak, and Neteyam used your skills in climbing to climb upon the metal ceilings of the ship.

Then you spot the group of humans who were escorting Spider as you silently landed on a platform, sending a signal to the two of them, pointing down. You waited until you strike.

Jumping down on the ground you stuck your dagger in one, before grabbing one and flinging him to the side on the wall as Neteyam dealt with the others. You had grabbed another one and flung them out the edge, letting them fall in the ocean. Lo’ak grabs a gun, this time as he turns around, he spots another one gaining consciousness, reaching for the gun and aiming to shoot at you.

Lo’ak had acted before he thought, finger curling around on the trigger, sending bullets flying towards the human and upwards the ceiling until he lets go, the human falling limp on the ground. You flinched at the sound, turning to see Lo’ak holding a gun and the human in front of him dead. Lo’ak stared down at the human, then at his gun.

Neteyam and Spider looked before hurrying to leave. “Let’s go.” You hold Lo’ak’s hand, grounding him for a moment as he nods, running over towards the open water.

But before you could leave, one of them had already spotted you, leading you to be pushed to the side as bullets were fired. “Go! go!” All of you huddled against a corner.

“Give me that!” Neteyam snatches the gun from Lo’ak’s hand before firing at the enemy. “Go go go!” Neteyam still fired at them while Lo’ak and Spider took the opportunity to sprint and jump in the water. Due to your sudden fear creeping up in your veins, you had lagged behind.

“(Y/N), go!” Neteyam shouted at you, but you knew better you weren’t leaving Lo’ak’s brother. You knew how much Neteyam meant to Lo’ak.

Once they had stopped firing, you grabbed Neteyam with all your might, pushing and making him jump into the water as you joined him behind as another round of bullets were fired.

Jumping in the water with them, you swam under the ship before you reached the surface outside, gasping for air. “Woah! That was insane!” Lo’ak laughed, high-fiving Spider as Neteyam laughed with them.

“You are such a skxawng, brother!” Neteyam said.

You laughed with them, seeing Tsireya approach you with her ilu out from the corner of your eye. “Come on.”

“(Y/N), let’s go!” Lo’ak looked at you with a smile while Spider and Neteyam grabbed onto the ilu.

You still held a wide smile, until it quickly faded.

A sharp searing pain suddenly burrowed its way into your chest, crawling all over your torso like you were on fire from the inside. Your brows furrowed as you gasp, hand reaching over to your chest, the pressure of your finger touching the wound only adding more fuel to the fire inside of you. “Huh...” You breathed out. Tsireya, Spider, and Neteyam look over to you as what happened finally registered in Lo’ak’s brain as he saw your expression drop.

You were shot.

“Shit!” He exclaimed as he pulls you close towards him, with Neteyam helping out. You could feel them helping you up, but the burning sensation was still there as you didn’t know what was happening. “Keep her up, keep her up!” Lo’ak shouted as you felt yourself being submerged under water then you were raised up to the surface. You glanced up and was met with the ilu as you wrapped your arm around it. You were then finally hoisted upon the ilu, you figured.

You gasped again, feeling the air hit you. “Hold her up!” Lo’ak said as Neteyam pulled you up against him as your head hung low as you tried to focus on breathing. You wanted to breathe, but why was it so painful? You looked up, your vision slowly spinning. Lo’ak goes in front of you, manoeuvring the ilu.

“I got you; I got you, alright (Y/N)?” Lo’ak said, trying to find a shore he can land you on. You held your hand against your chest, retracting to find blood covering your whole palm. Your blood. You furrowed your eyebrows. You didn’t know what was happening around you and Lo’ak could only try so hard not to panic. The love of his life had just got shot. You had just got shot.

“Dad! Dad! Help! It’s (Y/N)!” Lo’ak screamed at his father. Jake hurried over as Neteyam carefully held you with Lo’ak. “It’s (Y/N), she’s hurt. Dad-“ Lo’ak explained.

You gasped and gasped, coughing as more blood seeped out from your wound. Then you found yourself being laid down, somewhere. You didn’t know. You looked to the side and saw Lo’ak.

“Lo’ak…” You gasped out. “(Y/N), (Y/N) stay still alright? We’ve got you, I’m here.” Lo’ak looked panic-stricken, Neteyam looked at his brother when Jake turned you to your side, then both Jake and Neteyam’s eyes spot the continuous blood leaking down from the exit wound on your back as you coughed out.

Jake turns you back, a knowing look on his face as he and Neteyam glanced at each other. Jake then looks at his youngest son. “Pressure, pressure! Keep pressure on it!” Jake said, placing Lo’ak’s hand on your gunshot wound. Jake seeing you in this state felt like he was losing a child of his own as your young eyes glanced everywhere.

Lo’ak pressed his hands further down your chest, making you scream out, but all that came out was sharp gasps as you tried to pry his hands away, it was too painful. You couldn’t take it. “N- No, s-stop. Stop it- p-please.” You gasp out. “No, no (Y/N). We have to keep this on here, alright, kid? Yeah? Stay with us.” Jake said. Lo’ak’s heart pounded in his chest and in his ears. It was deafening as he looks at you.

Neytiri then arrives, seeing the scene in front of her makes her rush towards you. “(Y/N)…(Y/N)!” Neytiri shouted. Neteyam looks at his mother then at you. “She- she’s been shot.” Neteyam explained.

Your chest heaved with every pressure Lo’ak kept on you, you were gripping onto his arm with the strength you have left, but it feels like every ounce of your energy was being pulled out of you.

Lo’ak’s other hand goes up to your cheek as he gulps down the lump in his throat. “(Y/N), look at me… look at me, please.” Lo’ak begged and you followed him, looking at him, your mouth agape as you still tried to catch your breath. “I- I-“ You gasp, frowning as the pain was beginning to become unbearable.

You glanced around to find yourself surrounded by the Sully family, including Tsireya, who was sobbing.

“Lo’ak, I- I don’t know what’s happening… what’s happening?” You asked urgently, tears rolling down the side of your face as you are looking around you, soon training your eyes on Lo’ak.

“W-w- what’s happening, Lo’ak?”

“Hey, hey, you’re fine, we’re going to get you some help, baby, okay? Stay with me, please, just- just keep your eyes open for me, don’t sleep, don’t sleep.” Lo’ak said, stroking your cheek. Neteyam rubbed at your arm as your chest rose and fell rapidly.

You nodded, trying to keep your eyes open for Lo’ak. For him. You could make it, for him. You were going to make it for him. You will try.

You gasp, forcing a smile your face as you reached your hand up to Lo’ak’s cheek, him instinctively leaning into your touch, Neteyam’s hands replacing the pressure on your chest as Lo’ak held your hand in his as he finally sobbed, voice breaking.

“Lo’ak..look- look at me.” You gasp out loud. Lo’ak shakes his head no. “No, no…” Lo’ak closes his eyes, afraid to open them to find you laying there, with your blood coating his hands. You look at the others, who were trying their best to keep you alive, then back at Lo’ak as you feared you were running out of the energy you had left. “Look at me..” You managed to speak calmly, finally making Lo’ak look at you, rubbing his eyes so he could see you clearly.

“G-good person, okay?” You start, your hands moving to his hands to grasp his pinky. “You are a good person… d-don’t forget.” You smile at him through blurred vision. You then coughed, still trying to catch your breath as you could taste your blood accumulating in your throat, making your words gargled. You push through as blood seeped out from the corner of your mouth due to you facing him. Then with the last bit of energy you had left, you spoke your last words as you had finally made peace with what was about to happen.

“I-I see you, Lo’ak.”

Lo’ak’s heart drops as your hand fell limp on his, your eyes who stared back at him slowly became distant as the life had been drained from you along with your smile. Lo’ak then had a blank look on his face as he started to shake his head, using his hands to cup your cheeks, wiping the blood away on your lip using his thumb.

“No... Hey.. (Y/N)… don’t do this to me (Y/N)… (Y/N)! Don’t do this to me, come on please, hey.” Lo’ak shouted, now trying to shake you awake as your hand fell limp beside you. “No no, wake up, wake up, wake up.” Lo’ak said, trying to shake you awake again before grabbing your hand and placing it against his chest.

“Wake up.” He whispers, squeezing your hand, yet you didn’t squeeze back. Jake stared at you, then at his son as his heart felt like it was being torn apart. Neytiri had stared before she cried out a scream of agony, clinging against Jake.

Neteyam looked at your lifeless form. He slowly retrieved his hands from your chest, looking at them, palms smeared with your blood. He frowns, dropping and leaning against his dad as he allowed himself to silently cry for you. Tsireya shakes her head, holding onto your legs, trying to shake them, hoping that you would still respond as sobs wracked her body. Spider stared at you, gulping as his tears still came out, feeling sorry for his brother.

Lo’ak looks up at the sky, almost wanting to curse every being that took you from him. You didn’t deserve this. Lo’ak fights with himself to look at you once more. His eyes meeting your face, pale and blank. Lo’ak shakes his head, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault, I’m sorry. I’m so-“ Sobs were ripped out from him as he cried onto you, lifting your limp body up his arms as he hugged you. All he felt was your lifeless form, as he was taken back to the times you’d respond with hugging him back.

Lo’ak swallows down another lump down his throat as he shakily presses a kiss towards your forehead.

He had lost you, his life. The one who truly understood him. The one who eased his worry and pain ever since he could remember, now being the one who caused it tenfold. He wanted to scream, he wanted to go berserk.

Lo’ak still hugged your lifeless body against his, forehead leaned against your cheek as he muttered apologies.

“I’m sorry.”

[sufferu]

Did you read that WHDAAA spin-off fic by Vyazov23 called Watching Arc 4 in The Theater of Despair ? Any things you liked and have problems with?

I did! I appreciated that the guy managed to actually FINISH a react fic lol: I’m realizing more and more that these things are a pain and a half to actually write. SERIOUS props to the one who actually managed to pull it off, I’m not even being sarcastic.

Though, to be entirely honest…I disagreed with the entire main premise regarding how the characters would react, lol. I actually don’t want to shit on a singular work, though — especially not one that had so much effort put into it, like goddamn the guy actually FINISHED that one — so I’m gonna go ahead and use this as a segway to talk about the most common usages of this trope that I disagree with in this fandom.

The idea that anyone would learn about Return By Death and go “Okay! This is a good thing, and Subaru is a hero!” — I feel like it goes against the themes of Re:Zero, as well as a lot of established characterization. (And also the harem subplot that often seems to go alongside that idea, lol.) And I feel like a react fic that goes over the experiences of Return By Death, furthermore, should be centered around the characters coming to terms with (or grappling with, anyway) the fact that they FUCKING KILLED HIM. Like, SOO many times. Rem and Ram, in particular, should be characterized as absolutely, irreconcilably devastated by what they did in Arc 2. In fact I actually have a lot of criticisms about how these fics tend to characterize a lot of these characters in general, especially Julius, Ferris, Wilhelm, and Rem. Rem is simple — I don’t agree with the idea that she is actually a good influence (or that the other characters would see her as such, more on that in a sec) — but for the other three…I think a lot of these fics tend to twist themselves in knots trying to make them approve of Subaru’s self-destructive behavior, despite all three of them having canon moments contradicting it.

Julius’ first appearance was him desperately trying to save Subaru from getting slaughtered and most of the subsequent scenes with him have included something about him either trying to be a good role model (that will help Subaru Not Die Horribly) or taking some step to actively keep him safe (whether that be going out of his way to teach him a hands-on lesson about self-awareness the moment they meet up again post-Whale or quietly sticking Ia on him without letting him know). Hell, it’s heavily implied that he associated Subaru with his beloved, sickly, baby brother pre-Gluttony. The knowledge that Subaru has apparently been not just getting regularly put in mortal danger, but not even getting out of it ALIVE in a lot of cases — I think he’d have a way worse reaction to that than is normally shown.

Wilhelm, too — not enough focus is given to the fact that Subaru’s situation is basically just a worse version of the one that Theresia was forced into by being the Sword Saint. Wilhelm went and dueled his wife specifically to free her from the shackles of being forced to wield a sword when all she really wanted to do was care for flowers. Hell, in canon he already has a scene where he refuses to keep training Subaru because he realizes that Subaru has no actual interest in the sword and does not want to facilitate that kind of self-destruction. Wilhelm would have a fucking seizure if he learned that his beloved not-grandson was being forced to die repeatedly in order to keep his loved ones safe. And he’d probably have a really horrible reaction to the idea that some of those loved ones were straight up RESPONSIBLE for some of those deaths. This is the man who spent 14 years hunting the White Whale, he’s second only to Otto when it comes to revenge schemes (and even then it’s debatable who comes out on top over there).

Ferris, though, gets it hands-DOWN the worst. First reason is that the fact that he would almost certainly have the absolute worst reaction to the PREMISE of Return By Death out of the entire cast (due to his strong value of life and pride as a healer) is — often completely glossed over. This is the same guy who grieved suicidal Witch Cultists, was referenced as one of the two bleeding hearts of the Witch Cult elimination squad (the other being Subaru), who (in the LN) had what sure looks like a breakdown at the idea that Subaru wanted to die during that one Arc 3 loop where he went into shock, to the point where Crusch had to step in and speak (even joke) on his behalf as he basically sat in the corner with his head in his hands, cursing Subaru for not valuing his own life. If Ferris ever finds out about RBD he’s gonna fucking kill himself. But then, on top of that, he so often gets reduced to this — purely antagonistic force that just hates Subaru for no reason, who needs to learn to respect Subaru as a hero for his sacrifices, in a way that just — not only is kinda mean spirited, but completely glosses over some of the most fascinating parts of his character.

Also — I feel like a lot of these fics have the characters reacting like Subaru is an anime character to them rather than their friend, if that makes sense. Like, some of the reactions we see end up being like…the typical fan reaction to scenes? Instead of how someone would react if that were a Real Person up there doing that shit. Rem, in particular, is cut WAAAAY too much slack in most react fics, with everyone pretty much losing their anger towards her after hearing her tragic backstory and then glossing over everything she does in Memory Snow and Arc 3 with “Hah, that’s cute.” Like — I’m sorry, I think there should be a bit of a reaction to the revelation that the person who tortured Subaru for HOURS on end spent the next month sneaking into his room to watch him while he slept, following him around constantly, and enabling all of his bad behavior (which is now very obviously just a collection of trauma responses) like the world’s most dedicated Yes man (with the singular exception being the “From Zero” speech). Also, so much of what she does to him pre-Gluttony is just — horrible? And would be seen as such by the other characters, who do not have the same sense of naïveté/love of waifus/lack of self-preservation instincts that Subaru does to prevent him from seeing Rem for the danger that she is.

And well — I don’t think there’s enough consideration given to the fact that, most of the time, these characters already know how things are going to end, since they have their own memories to use for reference. Most of the time, they already KNOW whether Subaru is gonna survive or not, and that should impact how they respond to what they see next.

[candycandy00]

Little Miss Nobody Part 3 - A Gojo x Reader Fanfic

You’re a weak, lowly sorcerer who barely qualifies as an assistant, but you get the opportunity to work on a mission that includes THE Gojo Satoru. Unbeknownst to you, he finds you incredibly attractive despite privately looking down on you as a nobody. On the last night of the mission, he invites you to his hotel room. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Any feedback or comments whatsoever is greatly appreciated! Thank you to @doumadono for the name Mystigram!

Smut. 18+. Gojo x short/thick/curvy fem Reader. Rough sex, oral sex (69), implied bondage/use of toys, mention of Gojo being bisexual. Just pretend the Shibuya Incident never happened!

You allowed yourself to grieve for one week. You took time off from work and spent those days crying, yelling at no one about how much of an asshole Gojo was, and eating ice cream from the carton to numb your pain. Once the week was over, you cleaned up, went back to work, and returned to your normal daily life. 

It still hurt to think about him, and despite your best efforts not to, you did still have the occasional intrusive thought. Sometimes you wondered if he regretted anything he said to you, or if he simply regretted ever meeting you. Sometimes you wondered what kind of mission he might be on and who was in his hotel room with him. Sometimes you dreamed about him, dreamed of his hands gripping your hips, his cock rough and powerful between your thighs. 

In a weak moment you decided to check his page on Mystigram. A few particularly tech savvy sorcerers had made a social media site just for Jujutsu sorcerers. It began as a way for sorcerers to stay connected to their coworkers and share information, but it had grown to be something used for networking, planning social outings, and getting to know sorcerers from different branches.  

You’d looked at Gojo’s page before of course, back before you met him, when you were just a curious fan. He mostly shared memes about Jujutsu society, pictures from the places he’d traveled for work, and photos of the various treats and desserts he discovered at different restaurants and shops. There were occasional selfies, almost always with his sunglasses rather than his blindfold, and a few photos of him with friends. He often had his arms casually thrown around Ieiri Shoko and Nanami Kento, with both of them generally looking annoyed. 

You scrolled through his page, feeling desperate and pathetic as you searched for any sign that he felt anything at all about what happened between you. Even him sharing a vague, sort of sad quote or meme would have satisfied you. There was a four day period immediately following your last encounter where he didn’t post anything at all, but he could have simply been busy with work. 

One of his most recent posts was a selfie of him pulling down his shades and looking at the camera with gorgeous, bedroom eyes. It was the first one you’d seen with his eyes clearly visible, and it made you ache in more ways than one. The caption read, “The real reason I keep my eyes covered is to keep the whole world from instantly falling in love with me!” What a Gojo thing to say. 

His students had responded with laughing emojis (and in a couple of cases, barfing emojis). Ieiri Shoko commented with only a gif of a woman dramatically rolling her eyes. Nanami Kento commented with one word: “Disgusting.” You found the interactions charming, but also felt sad when you realized you’d never be a part of that group, a part of Gojo’s life. You’d never be able to casually talk and joke with him like the others did. 

Just once, during a night when you couldn’t sleep, you actually wondered if you should have just let him keep using you for sex. You thought about the “weekend of debauchery” he’d mentioned and imagined what it would have been like. Did he really want to tie you up in his basement? And why did the thought of that make you wet? 

You finally fell asleep right after thinking these things, and had a nightmare in which he kept telling you how unworthy you were to be his girlfriend, as he walked off with a glamorous, powerful woman on his arm. 

When you awoke, you had renewed resolve that you made the right decision to walk away from him.

Nearly a month after your second time sleeping with him, you crossed paths with him on the street. He was wearing his blindfold, but he pulled it down as he stopped in front of you and asked how you were doing. 

You wished he hadn’t. You didn’t want to see his eyes. You gave a vague, cordial reply and continued walking down the street, taking deep and steady breaths to keep yourself from bursting into tears until you could get far enough down the street to dart into a cafe. You bought a coffee just for an excuse to be there, but left it untouched on the counter and instead rushed into the restroom to cry in private. 

Seeing him hurt. Hearing his voice hurt. The fact that he didn’t seem bothered at all, that he had absolutely no hesitation in speaking to you, as if you were just friendly acquaintances, hurt. Deeply. But you pulled yourself together, dried your eyes, and walked out of the cafe with your head up. 

It would take time to fully heal, as all wounds to the heart did. 

Three weeks later, you met a grade one sorcerer on a mission who asked you to have dinner with him sometime. His name was Haruto, and he was kind to you. Handsome in a completely different way than Gojo, he was respected and liked among the assistants for his down to earth attitude. You accepted the dinner invite, and soon after, the two of you began dating. 

You liked him, but so far you hadn’t fallen in love with him. You kept waiting to feel that burning passion you felt for Gojo, that ache to be in his arms, but it hadn’t happened yet. Still, a slow burn romance might be a better fit for you, and you enjoyed Haruto’s company enough to date him a while longer and decide how you felt. It was clear that he wanted to be intimate with you, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do that yet, not so soon after your experience with Gojo. But Haruto was patient, never pressuring you. 

As time passed by and the season changed from autumn to winter, you thought less and less about Gojo.

****************

Gojo wasn’t dealing with the fallout from his last hookup with Little Miss Nobody very well. He’d went through several different reactions, from anger at her for saying the things she said to guilt for saying the things he said to her. At first he tried to convince himself that he’d done nothing wrong. He’d been honest with her about the sort of relationship they could have. His only mistake was in telling her that after fucking her again. 

Just like before, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Despite being busier than ever with missions and his teaching job, his mind kept wandering to her. He worried she would do something reckless on a mission. She wasn’t a fighter, but she clearly wouldn’t hesitate to endanger herself to save someone. He admired the courage that took, but he found himself wishing she would just be a coward from now on. She didn’t have the strength to back up that desire to protect. 

Sometimes he laid awake at night, jacking off while remembering their encounters. It was almost too easy to get off, picturing her with her hands tied behind her back, her face pressed into the pillows. Every time he wore his blindfold, he remembered how it had looked around her wrists. 

Then, he saw her on the street one day. He spotted her from across the road, but she hadn’t noticed him yet. She looked like every wet dream he’d ever had, jeans tight over her perfect ass, a form-fitting sweater with a cutout right over her ample cleavage. She looked soft and squeezable. Pliable. His first thought was that he wanted to pull her into his arms and just hold her. His second was that he wanted to hear her voice. 

He crossed the road and approached her, trying to act as casual as possible. When she looked at him, there was an instant where she looked stunned, but she quickly covered that up with a pleasant smile. He pulled his blindfold down and said, “Hey, how’ve you been?”

It was petty of him, he knew, but he knew she liked his eyes. He wanted her to see them again, perhaps to make her want him again. There were plenty of hotels in the area and-

“I’ve been good,” she said, her face frozen in that same mild expression. “Thank you for asking.”  

And then she was gone, walking away quickly and then going into a cafe down the street. He thought briefly of following her, trying to talk to her again, but abandoned the idea. She clearly didn’t want to talk to him, and he wouldn’t press her into a situation that upset her. 

He’d left feeling frustrated, in several different ways. Finally, he grew desperate enough to talk to his friend about what was going on. But when he’d gone to Shoko for advice, she had been blunt with him as usual. 

“Are you a fucking moron?”

He gaped at her. “Huh?!”

Shoko took a drag of her cigarette and regarded him with a withering stare. “You find a girl who’s sweet, brave, laughs at your shitty jokes, who fucking bakes, and likes it rough? And you manage to screw it up? You’re hopeless.”

Gojo was sitting on a bench in the outdoor area of the high school, near some vending machines. He leaned back, slapping his forehead as Shoko stood beside him. “I don’t know where I screwed up,” he said, “I just told her the truth.”

“You told her she wasn’t good enough for you immediately after fucking her. Do you think anyone wants to hear that?”

He glanced up at his friend. “I didn’t say that to her.”

Shoko met his eyes. “Did you deny it?”

He sat there silently for a moment, thinking. “I didn’t know how to respond to that,” he finally said. “I don’t think she’s not good enough for me. If anything, she’s way too good.”

“Then what’s the issue?”

“It’s not about her as a person, or even me as a person. Maybe I’m being a narcissistic asshole. But I feel like I should be with someone closer to my level in terms of status, you know?”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t know.”

Gojo sighed. “I just… can’t imagine myself with an assistant who can barely use cursed energy. She’s weak. She’s not from a sorcerer family…”

“Geto wasn’t from a sorcerer family,” Shoko pointed out. “That didn’t seem to bother you.”

Gojo looked at her suddenly. Shoko rarely mentioned their departed friend. “Suguru was strong. At one point as strong as me,” he replied. 

“So?” Shoko asked. “A lot of people would call me weak. I sure as hell can’t fight.”

He stared at her, realizing she was making excellent points. Why did it matter what someone’s status was? He never cared about status when it came to picking friends, so why care now? Maybe he had to face the fact that he’d gotten too full of himself over the years. He’d started looking down on those who were weak within Jujutsu society, even if he felt no ill will toward them. 

He looked at Shoko, who was a precious friend, and couldn’t imagine looking down on her, even though she was exponentially weaker than him. Then he remembered Little Miss Nobody’s crying face, and he realized how monumentally stupid he’d been. 

“I seriously fucked up, didn’t I?”

Shoko exhaled, smoke drifting around her face. “Sure did.”

He leaned forward on the bench, resting his hands on his thighs. “Any ideas on how to fix this?”

“For starters, you better be damn sure of what you want,” she told him. “I’m serious, Gojo. Don’t toy with her again. Don’t contact her, don’t stir up her feelings, and for God’s sake don’t fuck her unless you’re sure you want to start something serious with her.”

Gojo nodded. “I’m sure.” He’d never felt more certain of anything. He saw her face everywhere he looked. He heard her voice in his dreams. He hadn’t even been able to fuck anyone else since her. He’d tried once and couldn’t finish, and boy was that embarrassing. 

“Then call her,” Shoko said. “Apologize, tell her you were wrong.”

“I don’t have her number,” Gojo said, remembering with a small degree of shame how she’d shyly offered it to him after their first time together and how he’d rejected it. 

“We can probably find it,” Shoko told him, digging into the pocket of her white coat for her cell phone. “I have a couple of friends who work at her branch.”

Gojo perked up, listening as Shoko called someone and made a bit of small talk before asking if they knew Little Miss Nobody. Shoko gave him a thumbs up, and asked the person to text the number over. Then he heard Shoko say, “Oh, she is? Right now?”

After the call ended, Shoko said, “They’re sending the number over but they said she’s in Tokyo right now. She’s supposedly meeting some friends for drinks at that bar for sorcerers in Ikebukuro.”

Gojo stood up. This was the perfect opportunity. He could talk to her in person, apologize properly and see if this could be fixed. He knew exactly where the bar was, having gone there to hang out with Shoko and Utahime just one week prior. He thanked Shoko for her help and hurried over to the bar. 

It wasn’t very crowded yet when Gojo arrived. It was late afternoon, and customers wouldn’t start pouring in until at least seven. He scanned the room for her when he first walked in, and quickly spotted her sitting amongst several other sorcerers in a corner booth. She was smiling, and he was glad to see her happy. 

He took a seat at the bar and ordered a soda, then tried to keep from attracting any attention. It didn’t happen all the time, but occasionally people recognized him and acted like they’d seen a celebrity. He supposed he was the closest thing Jujutsu society had to a celebrity, and while he usually found it flattering to be approached in that way, today he hoped no one noticed him. He planned to wait for her to go to the rest room or even to the bar. He didn’t want to approach her when she was surrounded by people. 

So he sat, and waited, and watched. After several minutes, he noticed that the man sitting to her right was a little too handsy with her. The man kept touching her arm and subtly leaning closer to her. Gojo didn’t like that, but she didn’t seem to mind. She was a little naive about things like that, so maybe she didn’t even notice. 

But the more he watched and listened, the more a knot tied itself together in his stomach. She was also leaning toward the man, giggling at something he said, playfully slapping his arm. Then, the man threw his arm around her, and she smiled, doing nothing to push it away. 

The realization hit Gojo like a punch to the face. She was with this man, romantically. Gojo was too late. He’d spent too much time being an egotistical jackass, and now she’d moved on. He couldn’t blame her. She had the right to pursue happiness with someone else. But where did that leave him? He sighed and lowered his head. For the first time in his life he considered trying to get drunk. 

He heard chattering from her table and glanced over. Little Miss Nobody, as well as the rest of the women in the group, were leaving together. Something about going to see a movie together. Gojo moved to the other side of the bar before they got near, making sure not to be seen. He watched her walk out, and it felt like she was stomping on his heart with each step she took. 

The thought occurred to him that he could potentially take her away from the man. If Gojo talked to her, maybe she’d decide she liked him more. But should he do that? She seemed happy. What right did he have to burst back into her life and possibly screw it up?

While he sat there, deep in thought, he almost didn’t notice the man she’d been with coming to sit at the bar, just a few seats down. But he did notice, and he couldn’t help paying attention to him. 

The man’s friend, the only other man who’d been at the table, sat down next to him. 

“Any luck yet?” the friend asked. 

The man shook his head and took a drink from his glass. “Nope. She’s still holding out. I think she’s hung up on some ex boyfriend or something, but she won’t say it.”

Gojo’s ears felt like they were on fire. His full attention was now on this conversation, but he sipped his Coke and pretended not to be listening. 

The friend laughed. “Sucks to be you, dude. You score a hot girlfriend and can’t even fuck her.”

The man laughed too. “I’ll wear her down. She’ll be sucking my dick soon enough.”

Gojo’s hand gripped the glass so hard, he had to force himself to calm down to avoid shattering it. 

Then the friend said something else, and Gojo felt his skin prickling with rage. 

“Don’t forget to record it when you finally get her naked. You promised you’d show off the goods.”

The man nodded. “Don’t worry, I’ve got cameras hid around my bedroom already. She doesn’t have a clue.”

“Good,” the friend replied, “cause I’ve been dying to see those tits for months.”

They both laughed, and Gojo stood up from his seat. He walked the few steps over to the two men and stood looming over them. He was wearing sunglasses instead of his blindfold, but he was still recognizable to most people who noticed him. The man she’d been with gaped up at him. “Gojo?”

Gojo grinned widely. “I couldn’t help but overhear you guys,” he said in a friendly tone. “Can you share those recordings with me when you make them?”

The men glanced at each other, looking like students who’d been caught smoking by a teacher who then asked for a cigarette. 

“You… want me to send you recordings? Of my girlfriend?”

Gojo’s grin was probably becoming more frightening as the moments passed. “Well you’re sharing them with your buddy, right? What’s one more?”

The man shrugged, still looking a little uneasy. “Sure, why not? Give me your number.”

Gojo kept staring at him. “So she has no idea you plan to do this?”

The man must have mistaken Gojo’s slightly unhinged expression for perversion. He laughed and said, “She’s clueless. Totally naive. Wait till you see her! Huge tits, fat ass, cute face. She’d be a perfect porn star.”

The friend chuckled and added, “Hell, I guess she will be after this. We could make a fortune selling the videos!”

That was enough. That was all Gojo could bear to listen to. He’d let the guy dig a big enough hole for himself. “Call her,” he said in a low voice, and both men looked at him with confusion. 

“What?”

Gojo’s smile was gone. He pulled off his shades and glared at the man. “Call her. Tell her you need to see her in private. It’s urgent.”

The man didn’t move, he just stared up at Gojo as if he’d sprouted another head. 

Gojo leaned down. “I think she has the right to know about this, don’t you?”

The man looked positively horrified. A bead of sweat ran down his face. “You want me to tell her? I can’t do that! She’ll-“

Gojo looked at the man the way he would look at a curse that had just attacked him, and the man’s words died in his throat. Gojo put one hand on the man’s shoulder. “I said call her. Right fucking now.”

The man’s fingers were trembling as he pulled his phone from his pocket. As he began dialing, Gojo pointed at the friend. “And you, if you ever so much as glance at her again, I’ll rip your eyeballs out of your fucking head.”

****************

You were standing in line with three of your friends to buy tickets for a movie when one of them asked how things were going with Haruto.

“Okay I guess,” you answered. “I’m still not sure how I feel about him. I like him, but I don’t think I’m in love with him.”

Your friend Sumi smiled reassuringly. “Give it a little more time. You guys are still getting to know each other.”

Aiko, another friend that you had been on many missions with, sighed and patted your back. “You’re still holding out for Gojo Satoru, aren’t you?”

Sumi and the third friend Keiko looked surprised, and you instantly reddened. “Huh? Gojo? What do you mean?”

Sumi asked, looking from Aiko to you. 

“They hooked up,” Aiko said, “twice.”

You looked at her with wide eyes. You’d never told her about that. “How did you know?”

She grinned. “Actually I just suspected it, but now you’ve confirmed it.”

You winced, but she laughed and went on. “The first mission we were all three on, you left the sushi joint with his arm around you on the last night. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened. Especially with his reputation. Then the second time, you two disappeared together in the middle of a mission.”

Sumi and Keiko stared at you for a moment. When you didn’t deny anything Aiko said, they launched into a string of rapid questions. 

“How was it?”

You shrugged. “Uh, nice?”

“Is he good in bed?”

“…. Yes.”

“Does he really have a huge dick?”

You blushed, but nodded, and the girls made a squealing sound. 

“I heard he keeps his sunglasses on during sex. Is that true?”

“I asked him to take them off,” you answered. 

“Can’t believe you scored him twice,” Aiko said, interrupting the interrogation. “From what I’ve heard, he never sleeps with the same person more than once.”

You blinked. “Really?”

Aiko nodded. “Yeah, he’s a one and done kinda guy. Guess he doesn’t want to get serious with anyone. Speaking of which, you should be careful. Don’t get too involved with him. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy to settle down, from what everyone says about him.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks.”  You gave a vague answer. Aiko had no idea what had really happened between you and Gojo. You hadn’t realized that being a repeat lover for him was so rare. You wondered what the girls would think if they knew he’d invited you to spend the weekend at his place. 

But all that was over, you reminded yourself. You and Gojo were over. You had more respect for yourself than to be flattered by a guy, even one as amazing as Gojo, wanting to use you as a sex friend. 

Your phone suddenly rang, and you fished it out of your purse to see who the caller was, thankful for the distraction. It was Haruto, and you felt a little guilty that you’d just been talking and thinking about another man. You answered, and his voice sounded strained on the other end. 

“I need to see you,” he was saying, the words coming out a little too quickly. “It’s urgent.”

“Right now? But we were just together,” you said, confusion building in your mind. You hoped he wasn’t just trying to get you in bed. His attempts had started to feel a little pushy lately. 

“It’s important,” he said. “I’ve rented a hotel room near the bar so we can talk privately.”

“Haruto, I’m really not comfortable going to a hotel with you.”

“It’s not what you’re thinking, I swear,” he told you, his voice sounding frantic. “I just… need to talk to you. And it has to be in person. Okay?”

You sighed. “Alright. If it’s just to talk.”

After you ended the call, you got a text from Haruto with the name of the hotel and the room number. You told your friends what happened and waved goodbye to them before heading back to see what was so urgent. 

As you walked down the carpeted hallway of the hotel, you felt a faint feeling of panic, like something might be very wrong. Had Haruto received bad news? Or perhaps he’d grown tired of waiting and had decided to break up with you. The thought made you feel relieved rather than worried, and you thought that was a bad sign for your relationship. 

You reached room 404 and took a deep breath before knocking. A few seconds later, the door opened, and Haruto stood on the other side. He looked terrible! His face was damp with sweat, his skin was pale, his eyes darted about like a frightened animal’s. “Haruto?” you asked. “What’s wrong?”

He stepped back and motioned you in without a word. When you stepped through the door, your breath caught in your throat. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed was Gojo. No blindfold or sunglasses, which was rare, and his face looked deadly serious, which was even more rare. He stood up as Haruto shut the door behind you. 

“Gojo? What are you doing here? What’s going on?”

Gojo’s expression softened when he looked at you. “I overheard your boyfriend talking to his buddy at the bar after you left. I think you deserve to know what he was saying.”

You looked curiously at Haruto. He wrung his hands nervously and looked at the floor. 

“Haruto,” Gojo said, and there was a coldness to his tone that you’d never heard before. It was like that one word alone was the most terrifying threat in the world. 

Haruto nearly jumped at the sound, then he finally looked you in the face. “Alright! Fuck it, I’ll admit it! I have cameras hidden all over my bedroom. I was gonna record us whenever I could talk you into sleeping with me!”

You stared at him, hearing the words but not processing them. “Record us? What are you talking about?”

“I was gonna make videos of you without telling you,” he said. 

Gojo chimed in. “Tell her what you were gonna do with the videos, Haruto.”

Haruto was avoiding your gaze again. “I was gonna share them with my friends. And maybe sell them online.”

Ah. So that was it. He didn’t like you. He didn’t care about you at all. He just wanted to sleep with you, just like Gojo. Just like all the guys who approached you in high school and even now. Only this was much worse. He wanted to share your intimate moments with others against your will. Thank god you hadn’t slept with him. 

You glared at him, your face feeling hot with humiliation and your eyes becoming wet. All this had to happen in front of Gojo! Haruto took a step toward you. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t-“

“Stop,” you said, cutting him off. “I don’t want to hear another word. Stay away from me.”

He must have known you were serious by the look on your face. His expression changed from guilt to annoyance. “Fine. Whatever. I was only interested in you for your tits anyway. Not like you’ve got anything else I want.” 

Gojo stepped over to Haruto and shoved him toward the door. “Alright, you can get the fuck out now, you useless piece of shit.”

Haruto flinched at the harshness of Gojo’s voice, and was out the door in seconds. Now alone in the room with Gojo, you turned your back to him so he couldn’t look at your face. You were already embarrassed enough. 

“Thank you for warning me about him,” you said, trying and failing to keep your voice steady. You wanted to leave, but you also wanted to give Haruto enough time to be gone by the time you got down to the hotel lobby. You definitely didn’t want to run into him again. 

You heard Gojo’s footsteps coming closer to you, then his voice, so much softer than before, asking, “Are you okay?”

Wiping your eyes, you turned to face him, surprised that he was already so close. “I’ll be fine,” you said with a fake smile plastered on your mouth. Then you stepped toward the door to leave. 

Gojo suddenly grabbed your wrist. “Wait,” he said, “I was at the bar tonight because I knew you’d be there. I wanted to talk to you.”

You pulled your hand free of his gentle grip. Tears were still burning your eyes. “Please, I can’t handle this right now,” you told him. 

“Handle what?”

“You telling me again how I don’t meet your standards but you’ll lower yourself enough to fuck me sometimes. I get it, okay? Just please leave me alone.”

Gojo just stared at you, a hurt expression on his face. “I guess I deserve that,” he said. “But no, I came to apologize. I was wrong. I was an idiot, a dumbass, whatever you wanna call me. I said a lot of stupid shit that hurt you, and I’m sorry. If it’s not too late, could we start over?”

Your heart was doing flip flops. You’d longed to hear him say those words, but… after what just happened with Haruto, you had to be more careful. 

You looked away from him, not wanting to let him charm you with those beautiful eyes of his. “Do you want me as a sex friend?

Or something more?”

He moved closer, close enough to put his hands on your shoulders. “You’re all I can think about when we’re apart. I miss the way we talked during that first mission, the way you laughed. I want us to go back to that. I want to see where this goes. So I guess I’m asking if you’ll be my girlfriend.”

You turned away from him. “I’d love to, but I can’t be a secret, Gojo. If you can’t tell anyone about us-“

“I’ll tell the whole world!”

You looked at his face. “What?”

He looked totally serious. “I’ll tell everyone. I want everyone to know.”

You almost dove into his arms, but something held you back. “It’s easy to say that here, right now, in a hotel room. Will you still say that in the morning?”

He hesitated for a moment, and you felt that familiar sense of dread. But then he pulled out his phone and closed the distance between you. He wrapped one arm around you and pulled your face closer to his, then he kissed your cheek. At the same time, his other hand held up his phone and took a selfie of the two of you.  

He pulled away and began tapping on his phone, leaving you stunned into silence. Then, your phone chimed. You pulled it out and found a notification that you’d been tagged in a post on Mystigram. With trembling fingers, you opened it to see. 

Gojo had posted the picture of him kissing your cheek to his page, and tagged you in it. The caption read: “Me and my hot girlfriend! Try not to be jealous!”

Your eyes flew back to his face. He was grinning at you. The post started getting comments immediately. 

Itadori Yuji: Congrats, sensei! 😁

Kugisaki Nobara: Ugh, she’s way too pretty for you! 

Ieiri Shoko: Try not to fuck this up.

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. But you had one more question. 

“What made you change your mind?”

Gojo was laughing as he read over the comments pouring in. “Oh, it just took Shoko talking some sense into me. I was going crazy, worrying about you being on missions, wondering what you were doing, craving your homemade sweets… so I went to her for advice. She’s always had a way of making me see logic.”

“You told her about me?”

“We’ve been friends since high school. Of course I told her,” he said. Then he laughed again. “I told Nanami too but I don’t think he was paying much attention. I was mid sentence when he said, ‘Please stop telling me about your sordid escapades. I’m going to vomit.’ And that was all he had to say about it.”

He’d told his friends about you. He’d been worried enough about this situation to consult them. And he didn’t mind those closest to him knowing about you, even before realizing he’d been wrong. Those thoughts warmed your heart. 

Before you knew it, you were crying again, so overwhelmed with emotion. Gojo dropped his phone on the bed and wrapped his arms around you. “So? Are we a couple now?” he asked. 

You nodded against his chest, and his arms tightened slightly. “Great,” he said, stroking your hair. “Want me to fuck you?”

A laugh escaped your lips, and the tears stopped. You pulled back and looked up at him. “So romantic.”

He leaned down and kissed you. “I’ve been dreaming about rearranging your insides,” he whispered, his voice tingling in your ear. “Have you been dreaming about me?”

You kissed him back, tasting his lips. “Yes,” you breathed out. 

“What were you dreaming?” he asked, his voice turning husky as his hands began to roam over your body. 

“Ahh,” you moaned as he kissed your neck. “It’s… embarrassing…” You had been dreaming about him. A lot. Most of it had been quite filthy.

One of his hands slipped under your dress, rubbing up your bare thigh and then squeezing your ass. “Embarrassing? Heh. I’m gonna have to fuck that shyness out of you.”

That sounded fun, you thought, raising your arms to allow him to pull your dress over your head. You unzipped his jacket, your hands desperately trying to get his clothes off as fast as possible. 

The jacket discarded, he pulled his black T-shirt off next, then stood back to look at you in your silky black underwear. “Seriously,” he said, “tell me what you want. I’ll make it happen, whatever it is. Any fantasy, any dirty idea that pops into your head. I wanna hear it.”

You looked at the floor and muttered something. 

“What was that?”

You stepped closer and met his gaze. “I said… I want you in my mouth.”

His beautiful eyes widened, and there was a glimmer of excitement in them as he grinned and said, “Holy fuck, I hit the jackpot!”

***********

Gojo was lying on his back in the bed, completely nude, his naked girlfriend halfway across him, her warm, wet mouth greedily sucking his cock. He raised his head up to watch. He couldn’t imagine a more lovely sight than her soft, full lips sliding down his shaft. 

He moved one hand down to touch her hair, just happy to have her within reach. She glanced sideways at him, her face tinted pink. How cute of her to be shy even while deep throating him. 

He’d had plenty of blowjobs in his life, even given a few, but this… this was different. Was it because he’d formed an emotional connection to her? He felt so much affection for her that simply being touched by her at all felt far better than anything he’d experienced with anyone else. 

Well, with one exception, but he wasn’t ready to think about that, to compare them. He’d tucked those memories into a neat little box in the back of his mind where they could remain untouched and protected. 

But this wasn’t enough. He wanted to taste her too. He grabbed hold of her legs and swung them up and over him, so that she was lying face down on top of him, her head at his groin and his at hers. She gave a little cry of surprise and drew her knees forward to lift herself off him, but that only spread her thighs apart and gave him easier access. 

“G-Gojo, what are you doing?” Her voice sounded so flustered. He could practically hear the embarrassed arousal. 

“I thought I told you to call me Satoru,” he murmured, pressing his lips ever so gently to her heated, quivering flesh. She jerked, but he grabbed her hips and held her in place. He waited, feeling her taut legs relax slowly, giving her time to get used to this extremely intimate position. 

“Don’t stare at me,” she said in a shy voice, then he felt her lips around his cock again. 

“Oh I’m gonna do so much more than stare,” he said back, using his fingers to open her folds. “I’m gonna do so many embarrassing things to you…” He ran his tongue over her open slit, tasting the plentiful juices. She was drenched, and deliciously sweet. He felt her body twitch nervously, but her mouth never slacked off. He felt her tongue lapping at his tip, her soft hands squeezing wherever they could. 

Her clit was so cute, sitting there so glossy with his saliva and her fluids, completely defenseless to him. His thumb rubbed over it, then he prodded it with his tongue, drawing circles around it. 

She shifted, her mouth leaving his dick long enough for her to moan out, “Satoru… I’m… I’m about to…”

He licked her clit again, slowly. “You can cum first,” he said.

She wiggled a bit in his grasp, but then took him into her mouth again, stifling her own moans. She took him so far in it felt like he was being swallowed, and the little gagging sound she made sent shivers through his entire body. Now it felt like a competition, and Gojo never lost. 

His tongue was on her clit again, and he pushed two fingers inside her, curling them in a way that made her thighs tremble on either side of him. He felt himself slide out of her mouth, and then her tongue was gliding over him from base to tip. He could feel his cock twitching under her touch, but he kept himself under control. Then, he heard her sweet little voice say, “Satoru… cum in my mouth… please?”

Fuck, she wasn’t playing fair! His breath hitched in his throat, a shudder rippling through him, but he wasn’t defeated just yet. He leaned up and lapped at her clit again, gently, slowly, feeling her clenching his fingers, and then he grazed his teeth over it, lightly pulling on the tiny nub. 

She moaned around his cock, her legs shaking, and he knew he’d won. He kept pumping his fingers into her as she rode out her orgasm, her lips still around the base of his cock. With no more reason to hold back, he let the feeling of her hot mouth overwhelm him, and he came straight into her throat. 

He let his head fall back onto the pillow as he panted, and she took the opportunity to turn her body around so that her legs fell off the side of the bed, her face still buried in his crotch. She waited until he was completely empty before she removed her mouth, but a few strings of cum were drizzling down his cock. He held his head up enough to look down at her as she licked him clean.

When finished, she straightened up, sitting on her knees beside the bed. She looked like an angel, or a goddess. How could he have ever thought he was out of her league? How did it take him so long to realize how amazing she was? He’d been a fucking fool. 

He sat up in the bed and smiled at her. “Take a shower with me?”

She blushed. “A shower? I guess so.”

He laughed. “How are you shy after everything we’ve done? I had my face shoved in your pussy just now.”

She turned beet red. “Ahhh! Don’t say that! I was trying not to think about it!”

He stood up from the bed and pulled her into a hug, their naked bodies pressed against each other. “Do you still doubt how hot you are? You can’t even imagine how many times I’ve jacked off while thinking about you.”

She looked up at him. “Really?”

He gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “Really.”

She smiled then, and took his hand as they walked into the bathroom. 

**************

You were still nervous about showering with Gojo. It felt like such a private thing to do, but he seemed really into the idea, so you agreed. He joked around as he turned the water on, pretending he didn’t know how to work the knobs and “accidentally” spraying himself in the face. He was trying to put you at ease, and it was mostly working. You found yourself giggling at his antics as you both stepped into the large, walk-in shower. 

Before you could even reach for the small bottle of shampoo sitting in a tiny corner shelf, Gojo suddenly shoved your back against the glass shower door and kissed you passionately, his mouth overtaking your own. The steamy water was spraying both your bodies, soaking his shiny hair, running down his torso. Without even looking, you knew he was hard again, the large erection pressing against your stomach. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and his hands slipped under your thighs, lifting you up so that your legs could wrap around his body. You were pinned against the shower door when you felt him push inside you, deeply, roughly, the way you loved it. Your back collided with the glass with every powerful thrust, an ache you’d been craving building between your legs as he pounded into you. 

You were going to be covered in bruises after this, but that thought only turned you on even more. Gojo had that wild look in his eyes, the one that almost made you cum on the spot. You wanted him to break you. It wasn’t that you were a masochist. It wasn’t pain that excited you, but rather watching him lose control, seeing that unhinged expression and knowing you had that effect on him, that you could drive him mad with your body. The pain, the bruises, they were just the evidence. 

Burying your face in his neck, you tried to muffle your moans, your breaths shuddering. He was making such lovely grunts and growls, his fingers digging into your soft thighs. You chanced a peek at his face, and he looked like an entirely different person from the man who’d just been joking around with you. His wet hair was partially covering one eye, the other practically glowing with uncontrolled lust, his lips parted, teeth showing as ragged breaths pushed through them. 

God, he was beautiful. Frighteningly so. Inhumanly so. For the second time, you wondered if he actually was a god that had been banished to earth. He certainly fucked like one. 

Your legs slipped from his waist, the water making it hard to keep your grip, and they dangled helplessly above the floor. He didn’t even seem to notice that he was holding more of your weight as he plowed into you, every thrust feeling deeper than the last. Your arms were still around his neck, but your strength was failing you. You clasped your hands tightly and leaned your face up to kiss him. His mouth was hungry upon yours, his tongue shoving its way in. 

When you came, your arms fell to your sides and your body went limp in his arms, quivering with pleasure as he kept fucking you. His grip on you tightened, and after several more minutes of being slammed into the glass door, you felt his whole body stiffen. Then, you felt hot cum shoot deeply inside you as Gojo groaned. 

He stayed inside you for several more minutes, even after he’d finished cumming. It was like he didn’t want to separate from you, but eventually he pulled out and set you back on your feet. You legs gave way immediately, as if they were made of spaghetti, but Gojo caught you. He held you gently until you regained your strength, then he reached you the soap with a grin. 

“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine,” he said. 

You laughed, taking the soap from him as he turned his toned back to you. 

An hour later, you were both dressed and sitting on the bed in the hotel room, talking about what each of you had been up to lately. During a lull in the conversation, you leaned your head over on his shoulder and whispered, “Is this real?”

“Hmm?”

You hesitated, then said, “I keep waiting for you to say this won’t work out.”

He wrapped an arm around you. “I’m not gonna lie and say this will be easy. I travel a lot for missions, and my teaching job is important to me, but we can make it work. We’ll spend time together whenever we can. Speaking of which… wanna come to my place next weekend?”

You laughed, feeling the tension dissipate from your body. “For pancakes? Sure.”

“And debauchery,” he said. “Don’t forget the debauchery.”

****************

Epilogue:

The first thing you thought when you arrived at Gojo’s house was, “Holy shit, it’s huge!”

Gojo stepped up beside you and gave you a peck on the cheek. “That’s what she said.”

You giggled at his silly joke and let him lead you inside. The house was of an old fashioned design, with a closed in yard, sliding doors, tatami floors, the whole works. It was a sprawling estate that looked as if it would have dozens of servants roaming the halls. 

“You really live here all by yourself?”

He shook his head as he laid out some slippers for you to change into, then pulled off his own shoes. “I have an apartment near the school that I use most of the time. I don’t use this place often, but this is a special weekend.”

“It’s beautiful,” you said, looking around. Despite the classic design of the structure, it had modern furnishings. You were admiring a lovely vase on a glossy wooden end table when you noticed a large cardboard box sitting just inside the living room. It looked totally out of place, and Gojo noticed your interest. 

“Go ahead and look inside,” he told you, a strange smile on his lips. 

“Okay…” 

You approached the box and pulled the flaps open, squatting down to get a good look. Inside was an assortment of items you couldn’t quite identify at first. But as you began pulling them out and looking more closely, your face began to burn. 

“Are these… all sex toys?!”

Gojo laughed at your reaction. “Well, not all of them. There’s some costumes, handcuffs, edible underwear…”

You grimaced as you pulled out what appeared to be a riding crop, then the biggest dildo you’d ever seen in your life. There was also a skimpy maid costume, among other bizarre garments. “Why is all this stuff just sitting here in a box?”

Gojo rubbed the back of his head, messing up his hair a bit. He looked oddly shy. “I ordered it all. I figured we could have fun trying a bunch of stuff, see what we like.”

That did sound like fun. You examined each item, sometimes having no idea what its function was. 

Gojo sat down on the floor beside you, watching your face as you looked though the box. “If there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable, just put it back in the box and I’ll toss it. Or better yet, I’ll have it delivered to Nanami’s place.”

You laughed then, imagining the strait laced-looking man you met a few days ago opening a box full of items like these. 

When you were finished sorting them into piles of “will definitely try”, “might try”, and “hard no”, you and Gojo both stood up. “So, are you going to give me a tour?” you asked.  

Gojo gave you a somewhat menacing grin, his dark sunglasses blocking out your view of his eyes. “Sure. Let’s start with the basement.”

The End. 

Tag List:

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[sarahreesbrennan]

sorry if you have already answered this, but are we getting any queer rep in Long Live Evil? 💕 i am super excited to see what you've cooked up for us either way!

I came back after I'd gone off on one, seeing the post had struck a chord and being thankful but fearful of my inbox. Let me say with delighted surprise that all the asks are very kind.

Thank you for this one, sweet anon. I am so excited and so nervous about my best beloved, Long Live Evil, and about coming back with a new book of my own after so long, when I believed for a long time it was hopeless.

I'm really grateful to find readers waiting for me. But I know readers are naturally more invested in characters they know: I extremely appreciate you taking an interest in the future.

So, short answer: YEAH you are!

Long answer: Long Live Evil wouldn't exist without its queer narratives.

C.S. Pacat and I were talking in our virtual Brookline Booksmith event recently about our favourite Disney villains. C.S. Pacat picked Maleficent, a fine choice. I picked Snow White's Evil Queen. We agreed we loved most of them.

Here's the relevant excerpt I was quoting in my last post from Carmen Maria Machado's In The Dream House, saying 'I think a lot about queer villains, the problem and pleasure and audacity of them.' Well... me too.

I think many of us have experienced feeling made wrong in some way - for not wanting what society said we should or being what we were expected to be - and that one step along that journey of discovery is going 'Okay, if it's wicked, I'll just BE wicked.' And that's part of why those characters appeal - because they seem free, and free of pain.

But modern storytelling isn't confined to coding, and audiences can now feel free to expect, not the certainty, but the possibility characters who aren't introduced as such still might actually turn out to be LGBT+. The essays I've read about Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Sherlock, Ted Lasso, Fox 9-1-1... I think the latest argued Jaime Lannister was bisexual. (Pretty persuasive.)

I remember reading the Raven Cycle going 'oh? OH.' I remember being at a writing retreat in 2013 and running through the halls screaming about Nico diAngelo. Ten years later we got a Nico diAngelo book co-written by Rick Riordan and the amazing Mark Oshiro. I watched Red, White and Royal Blue with a friend and she said 'honestly I hope the guys get together, but...' and I (having read the book) silenced myself with a herculean effort and watched her hopes come true. I didn't know about The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and almost dropped the book in a swimming pool. But I've also read and watched many things thinking, just maybe... oh, no. Still that hope existing is meaningful, the thought that if the story had gone differently, if this revelation had happened, if this realisation had happened, if, if, if...

Long Live Evil is a story about the story going differently and asking yourself questions about your own nature, and the escape to fiction of those who really need escape. The book is based on that 'if,' and the 'if' itself is joyous, and brings me back to the idea of gleefully transgressing the narrative that much villain love is based on.

It's also an ensemble story with a rogue's gallery of characters and multiple PoVs. (I was much inspired by the Six of Crows ensemble.) So it isn't about any one character's romance, and by the book's nature there exist many possibilities. A critique partner read and said 'I didn't know you were going THERE' and I responded 'Should I?'

I've never been one to confirm where stories are going, and I won't do so now. I'm not talking about any one character or telling you a direction.

I'm just saying yes to rep. It's baked in.

[lady-hammerlock]

I've been having thoughts about Mouthwashing (as tends to happen once you've played or watched it) specifically about the third act (so please stop reading if you want to avoid spoilers.

Even more specifically about Jimmy's guilt and the way it's portrayed, and how the game deals with and depicts his relationship with the rest of the crew and his attempts to find redemption. The writing is so tight and well done in this game that it's only on reflecting on it after two watches that I can really appreciate everything this game did.

This rant can also be summed up as 'Why Jimmy can't fix shit.'

So we all know Jimmy has this whole 'I can fix it' attitude to his fuck ups. He doesn't actually fix anything though, not really, even in the early game. Not in the long run. The game sort of tricks you into thinking you're helping and accomplishing things because you're switching between being Jimmy and being Curly. But anything that is actually helpful in the long run is being done by pre-crash Curly.

Making the cake, getting the axe, saving Daisuke, doing the psych eval with Jimmy, comforting Anya - all Curly.

Even when he's completing seemingly helpful tasks Jimmy's efforts get them nowhere. Jimmy does get the cargo open, which gives them the mouthwash, which ultimately doesn't help anything. He also gives Curly the painkillers a couple of times, but an argument could be made as to whether even keeping Curly alive at that point is the right thing to do. There's definitely a potential metaphor in there with the forced auto-cannibalism, that Jimmy is only able to keep Curly alive by sacrificing parts of Curly in the process (like his autonomy and dignity as well as eventually his flesh).

But yeah. He's FIXING things. Like when he got that extra medicine, which ultimately allowed him to er... (checks notes) knock out and almost kill one crew member, start a chain of events which directly results in the death of a second crew member and allows a third crew member to commit suicide.

Speaking of Anya's suicide, I have been wondering whether she had already committed to it when she locked herself in that room, or whether Jimmy's yelling pushed her over the edge. The fact that the gun is already kind of out makes me think there was a lot going through her mind in that moment that we never got the chance to fully understand.

Because here's the thing about Anya and the way the game portrays her that I find so fascinating, and I have only really been able to appreciate upon reflection. There's a lot about her that we don't get to see.

I think I've already seen a couple of posts floating around that talk about how Jimmy is essentially dismissive of Anya and rude to her, but the game goes even further than that. We see, in graphic, gorey detail, the results of Jimmy's mistakes when it comes to his male crew mates. The game lingers on the tragedy and pain of Curly, who Jimmy is most concerned about, but the game doesn't even openly acknowledge what happened to Anya. There are hints and whispers, and if you join the dots, the fact that Jimmy raped her becomes pretty obvious, but it's never directly acknowledged, and I think that was a deliberate choice on the part of the creators, not because they were squeamish about that concept over all the others this game portrays, but because it is the one mistake that Jimmy made that he refuses to acknowledge himself, even mentally.

Even in the later part of the game, where Jimmy is plagued by guilt and looking for some form of redemption, it's the one act of his that he refuses to face. We see him accept responsibility for what happened to Curly, and to Daisuke and Swansea to some extent. When fighting Swansea the trick is to turn around and face what he's done. He walks towards axes as a motif. He looks directly at Swansea when he kills/remembers killing him (however you want to interpret that scene.) There's a memorial for Daisuke in the Swansea fight too, some part of Jimmy acknowledging that his role in Daisuke's death might be why Swansea wants him dead, but never any acknowledgement that what he did to Anya (which Swansea is confirmed to know about at this point) might also play a part in Swansea's anger.

In contrast, when the game asks him to Take Responsibility, the answer is to back away and not turn around to face what he's done. When confronted with that monster thing that symbolizes Anya's (and his) baby, your best bet is to avoid it and not look at it or examine it too closely. When travelling through the hallway with the ID cards, Anya's face is always covered by other cards. Even when he is learning to face what he's done, Jimmy fails to acknowledge or examine what he did to Anya, let alone 'fix it' or 'take responsibility', to the point that the game itself refuses to focus on it for too long.

And when, in the end, he does decide to face what he's done and take responsibility, he does it in the completely wrong way. Like at every other point during the game, his focus is on fixing what he accidentally did to Curly, rather than taking responsibility for what he did to Anya, and not wanting to take responsibility for what he did to Anya (when the ship docked and he maybe had to deal with rape charges on top of the unemployment) is how they got into this mess in the first place!

Anyway...

That was a bit of a ramble, but I have a lot of Mouthwashing thoughts in my mind right now. Urgh. The writing is just so fucking tight, and somehow subtle despite the over the top nature of it all. I have some thoughts regarding Swansea and Daisuke that I might post at some stage, but they'll probably be a lot more light-hearted and less rambly than this.

[howi99]

A story of a Knight and a Yokai (part 4)

RK: *looking around the gardens* The red king would have been jealous, seeing how well kept this place is.

???: *appearing behind him* Thank you. At least someone is appreciative of my hard work.

RK: *turning around to see a woman in a maid outfit, with silver hair* ... *Sigh* I assume you must be Sakuya? Your boss told me that you would probably be here at this hour.

Sakuya: And here i am. *Looking at him* You don't look like the kind of person my master would take interest in. Can i ask what you might be doing here?

RK: I'm searching for a friend, or at least what i think is my friend. Remilia said you might have seen her yesterday.

Sakuya: Ah yes, the "creature" who keeps eating my rose. *Sigh* I wouldn't mind it so much if it wasn't such a pain to tend.

RK: *chuckle* If it's any consolation, she wouldn't eat them if you were not tending to them properly.

Sakuya: *chuckling too* Well, at least i'm getting complimented for my efforts. Though i would still prefer that she wouldn't destroy hours of work.

RK: *nod* Don't worry, once i find her she will not be a problem. In fact, she probably already moved on from here. She prefers forested areas.

Sakuya: *almost laughing* Pfft, the way you talk of her, she sounds more like an animal then a yokai.

RK: ... She is? She's a Jackalope.

Sakuya: *round eyes* ... Eh?

RK: A big rabbit, with antlers? You never saw one?

Sakuya: *questioning look* N-no? I knew the thing i saw had antlers, but i assumed she was a Yokai of some sort. *Thinking* A Jackalope... That would explain the strange marks on the ground i saw yesterday.

RK: Can you show them to me?

Sakuya: *shaking her head* I'm afraid i already took care of them. But i can give you a description of them.

RK: I see... *Nod* That will have to do.

Sakuya: They were near the fountain, they didn't look like rabbits footprints, but more like trails.

RK: *sigh* She must be suffering from that damn poison... *Shake his head* Have you seen where the trace where going?

Sakuya: *thinking* If i remember correctly, they were going east of here. On the other side of the lake lay the forest of magic. I... *She looks at him* Wouldn't recommend a human to go there. Or anyone, for that matter.

RK: Hm? And why's that?

Sakuya: The forest is dangerous. Hallucinogenic mushrooms, powerful ones at that. They are very dangerous to inexperienced explorer.

RK: ... And?

Sakuya: ... Uh? I don't think you understood what i just said.

RK: *shaking his head* I lived most of my life in a place where nothing made sense. Hallucinogenic mushrooms? At worst, i'll feel like home and at best, they won't even work against me. Or Juniper, for that matter.

Sakuya: ... *Suspicious* Are you... Human?

RK: *shrug* Maybe. I can't be sure, since i should have died long ago. *Smiling* I'm probably more dead than alive, since i'm pretty sure my semblance is all that keeps me alive.

Sakuya: ...?

RK: To simplify, let's say it's my innate ability. I think? *Scratching his head* Your world is so different than mine.

Sakuya: Your world? Aren't you from earth?

RK: *look at himself then back at her* with what i have gathered, do i look like someone from the 21th century to you? *Hit his plastron* That's made of metal that doesn't even exist in this world or earth.

Sakuya: ... Are you insane?

RK: Honestly? Probably, yes. Just... Not the same "insane" as you think. I saw many things, including but not limited to an evil immortal witch, a not so evil ghost who keeps changing body without his or the host consent, creatures made of pure darkness and malice and a bunch of talking animals, dolls and whatnot... I also fought a dragon.

Sakuya: ... *Sigh* I shouldn't believe you. But you sound so certain of yourself, i know what you are saying is true.

RK: So, any recommendations? A map of some kind?

Sakuya: Well, i don't have a map, but if you follow the paths inside the forest, you should be able to find an antique shop owned by a man called Rinnosuke Morichika.

RK: The clients must be plenty.

Sakuya: *chuckle* It is a weird place for a shop, yes. Now, will that be all? I need to get back to work.

RK: *smiling* I should be good to go. Can you tell your master that Juniper shouldn't be a problem anymore?

Sakuya: *inclining her head* I shall tell her when my work is done.

RK: *nod* Thank you *leave*

Sakuya: *thinking* Now that i think about it, didn't one of the fairies say she saw glowing red eyes?

_________________

Meanwhile, at the hakurei shrine

Rumia: *looking at the strange creature in front of her* Now, what might you be?

Juniper: 🐰

Rumia: Hm....

Juniper: 🐇 *approach her, sniffing her clothes*

Reimu: *point to Juniper* Jackalope! It's a jackalope! Like the one from mister knight stories!

Juniper: *tilt her head, seeming to recognize what she was talking about*

Rumia: *crossing her arms* Now that you mention it... He said her name was Juniper, right?

Reimu: *Nodding her head excitedly* Yes! He said Juniper was a good girl!

Juniper: *seems to appreciate the kind words*

Rumia: *scratching the back of her head* Jeez, sorry but the knight left this morning. He's supposed to come back later, would you like to stay with us in the meantime?

Juniper: 🐰

Rumia: I'll take that for a yes.

As she said that, a portal open near them, letting out Minako and Yukari

Reimu: Mom! *Hugs Minako's legs* Look look! It's Juniper!

Minako: *taking Reimu in her arms, hugging her back* Ah ah, yes! Then i assume the rusted knight is back, yes?

Rumia: *shaking her head* No? Wasn't he supposed to be with you?

Minako: Weird, he was supposed to go find her at the manor. They said they saw something with antlers near it.

Rumia: *looking around* Well, either he's the best player of hide-and-seek, or she came here by herself.

Yukari: Oh my. And here i thought i could talk with the man i saved. *Sigh* Had i known, i would have stayed home.

Minako: *smiling* As if you had anything better to do! *Thinking* But if Juniper is here then what was at the manor?

Yukari: *looking just a bit worried* I know that something else came through the barrier at the same time as those two. However, it didn't come from the same place as both of them. I simply assumed it might have been a lost soul, but now that i think about it, the timing is off.

Rumia: And you didn't take the time to go check it?! What are you, senile!?

Yukari: *pouting* I'll have you know that i'm a perfectly healthy young maiden! I do NOT suffer from any kind of memory loss!

Reimu: *starting to get teary eyes* D-does that mean mister knight is in danger?

Minako: *panicking* N-no! Of course not! Remember those stories he spoke of? He's gonna be fine *look at Rumia* Right?

Rumia: *nods* Y-yeah! No way he's in danger!

___________________

Return to Jaune POV

RK: *looking at the marking on the ground* ... Tsk, there's no way that's Juniper. Stupid false hope. *Look at the forest* Then again, i did say i was going to fix the problem. And whatever it is *look at a broken tree* It's bigger than a deer. *Sigh* What a pain...

As he enters the forest, a black feather falls behind him. Dissipating as soon as it touched the ground.

[shortstrawberry]

This line stays in my head rent free. So here's sexy doctor Bela Dimiterescu headcannons.

You have been suffering with knee pain as of late. And headaches. And a constantly clogged nose. Okay fine, your body is doing shit right now. So you find yourself at your most hated place: the hospital.

Last time you visited a hospital, you had to deal with a middle aged dude drolling away his prescription at you. Thankfully this time, you got a young and daresay beautiful doctor, Dr. Bela Dimiterescu.

Unfortunately, Dr Dimiterescu was as mean as she was beautiful. She proceeded to scold you for ten minutes for your lack of vegetables in diet. Hey, it's not your fault vegetables suck. She also proceeded to scold you for drinking only 2 glasses of water per day.

"But I drink 2 big glasses!!"

"Not enough! You need 2 LITRES to live a functional life! God, I don't even want to imagine the smell of your toilet!"

That was a low blow. You'll let it go though. Only because she is such a beautiful blondie.

Dr Bela handed you a two page long prescription, mostly filled with supplements and diet regime instructions. She also insisted that you give her biweekly visits for the next 6 months so she can "monitor" your progress.

"Monitor me, huh? You don't need to invite me to hospital for that, Doc."

You were expectedly kicked out of her cabin for that.

Nevertheless, like a devoted patient, you visited her without fail for the next three months. In the first month, you noticed that Dr Bela barely has any food herself. Being a doctor is hard, considering hospitals often run understaffed. Not to mention, Dr Bela has a habit of taking on work upon herself so that her juniors and colleagues can take a break. Who knew such a hardass can be such a softie?

So for your next visit, you make sure you bring a packed lunch for your favourite blonde doctor. This time, you were the hardass one and refused to be kicked out until she finishes the food that you cooked for her. You know you make a mean adobo, and seeing her moaning reaction at the first bite (hot), you know she agrees.

After this first time success, your audacity to keep Dr Bela Dimiterescu well-fed quadrapled. You visited the hospital again next day but this time dropped the lunch to Dr Bela's nurse. Next day you visited again with lunch and asked the nurse if your favourite doctor ate the lunch or threw it away. Your heart glowed when the nurse said Dr Bela ate the lunch with the grumpiest smile on her face.

In your next visit to Dr Bela, the blonde snappingly asked you to deliver the lunch to her personally if you're so insistent on this "useless endeavour". You wanted to digress about the useless part, seeing how Dr Bela seemed to be less pale then before. But you let it go. You tease the blonde too much and she'll make your next blood test painful.

(She never does. Dr Bela always holds your hand gently when she draws out blood)

In the third month, you find Dr Bela absent in the hospital for your appointment. You get to know that she is visiting her family back in Romania and won't be back until your next biweekly check-in. Disheartened, you turn to walk away, but the nurse has already called in a substitute for you. The replacement doctor was was polite and appreciated your efforts to stay healthy. But it hurts when the new doctor drew out blood.

Next appointment you dutifully show up again, excited to see your grumpy doctor. However, today Dr Bela was decidedly more grumpy then ever. Her jaw was tight and her fists clenched, as if someone has taken away her morning coffee.

"Did you see another doctor last week?!"

You could only blink owlishly at her, nodding in yes. What else are you supposed to say to your regular doctor who is decidedly jealous? Even when you try to explain that hey, "you were not present that time", the blonde doctor snapped even more at you.

"Doesn't matter! Damnit, you could have called me! We could have done a virtual check! You have my number, don't you? You didn't call me, not even once!"

"Wait, I'm allowed to call you?"

"Of course you are! Why else did I give you my personal number for!"

Oh. You did wonder why Dr Bela didn't give you her professional card. Now it makes sense. And now you suddenly feel like a idiot. Thankfully, Dr Bela just rolled her eyes at you, called you a idiot, and demanded to know if you're free this weekend.

Suffice to say, from now on you both have regular checkups outside the hospital.

Got any ideas you want me to write on? Just drop me a request and I'll write it!

(Also a Donna fanfic is in works. Yes, it's the Professor one!)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for getting upset at my best friend for calling me a hoarder in passing?

My (29NB) best friend (also 29NB) have been going through major crises lately at the same time—we will call them Sun. So, yesterday, they sent me a text, when we weee talking about how they haven’t wanted to be over at my house for a while, mostly bc they don’t like my partner…although the subject was in discussion bc my partner and I are splitting up, and I will be living alone again in a couple months. At some point in this discussion, they mentioned the more pressing matter that’s caused them not to be over as much is that they are very allergic to one of my cats—but only the one I just adopted a couple years ago, they’ve had no allergy issues w the other one and they love her very much, she is their niece.

However, at one point, they mentioned that a few years ago, when I was using drugs a lot more irresponsibly than usual—to the point where I got injured from falling down the stairs—they had been speaking to my other close friends. Which is appreciated, and I knew about this already obviously since there was an intervention that happened around that time…the way they mentioned this was upsetting. Specifically, they mentioned that “they approached [other friend of mine] about my drug use bc they thought I was becoming a hoarder” and that MAJORLY triggered me—specifically the hoarder comment. The woman who gave birth to me/raised me is a hoarder, which is a well known fact to just about anyone who is close to me irl, especially anyone who’s known her irl, and ESPECIALLY Sun, who worked as her caregiver for quite a while. Also being compared to/told I am just like my abusive egg donor is the thing that will hurt me the most, bc she is the most cruel, manipulative, abusive people I’ve ever had in my life.

So the thing is, my house is indeed very messy…I have too much junk around, and it’s very difficult for me physically to keep anything clean. It’s actually one of the reasons I’m separating from my partner, and as ashamed as I am about it, I understand. However, it’s not a hoarding disorder at all—I don’t hold onto anything I don’t need out of sentimentality, and if I could wave a magic wand and simply get rid of all the extra shit I don’t need/make everything nice and clean, I would. Unfortunately, I am very disabled with too many chronic pain/fatigue conditions, and actually cleaning the house/sorting through shit to get rid of takes immense physical effort. But whenever someone offers to help me, I jump at those opportunities! I take things to be donated all the time (if I’m able to sort through the stuff that needs to go) and it’s entire worlds different than my egg donor refusing to give up several bins of my baby clothes bc she can’t bear to part with them, despite them never seeing use in her possession ever again.

So, I responded to Sun’s mention of a past conversation thinking I’m a hoarder, with offense and saying it hurt me. We had been discussing just downsizing and how we will be going through my stuff as we pack for the new place, and had mentioned that I should make sure to get rid of certain clothing things if they have holes/are worn out/whatever, which to me, sounded like they think I have a hard time throwing clothes away even if they’re not even wearable anymore. With that and the hoarding accusation in mind, I told them I was very hurt by this. I made sure to be respectful and kind yet assertive, but after explaining how this was an unfair assumption/description of me, they got upset and said I should’ve asked for clarification before coming at them.

Now, do me, I wouldn’t have even considered they meant anything other than how I interpreted it, so it would never have even occurred to me to ask for clarification if I’m not even aware there’s a miscommunication. Apparently, the reason they mentioned getting rid of clothes that have been too worn out is an issue they have themselves, but this isn’t anything I was ever aware of, and once again never would’ve thought was referring to anyone but me. They also say they’re aware that it’s my physical difficulties that make cleaning physically painful for me…but honestly, that’s not anywhere near the same as having a hoarding disorder, which is indeed what they’d accused me of.

Of course, I know the both of us overreacted—me, being offended about being accused of being a hoarder (especially since my immense difficulty cleaning the house is part of why I’m separating from my partner and is therefore something I’m incredibly sensitive about right now) and them, being offended that I took what they said wrong and being upset over some things they didn’t actually intend w what they said…but I’m just not sure if maybe I AM in the wrong here, for expressing being hurt by being called a hoarder here, or if I really am making the entire thing a big deal out of nothing.

So, AITA for voicing my offense at being called a hoarder?

What are these acronyms?

[bookishjules]

what do you think Izzy was like post cohf but pre tftsa? bring on the angst

okay i can't promise this will be coherent, but..

the first thing that comes to mind is angry. like.. i don't think i need to contextualize this for you, but just to get us in the headspace.. she really just gave her heart away. put the emphasis on any word in that sentence and it not only makes sense but just feels heavier and heavier. she fell in love in spite of herself, in spite of her fears and insecurities, in spite of her efforts and determination. and why would that not make her feel like the biggest fucking idiot?? she knew. she knew that falling in love would only result in pain and heartbreak and that that was a life she didn't want to live. and yet she did all that anyway. she put trust in simon, trust in the universe, and of course men and the universe will do what they do.. so can she really fault anyone but her own naive self?

she externalizes that anger too, snapping at her family, being especially brutal when she comes across demons during patrol etc. and the worst part is, that that anger doesn't take the other emotions away, it doesn't eradicate the love she felt for simon, that she still very much feels for him. she thinks of him and her heart hurts and it only makes her all the more angry. i think she waffles between being glad she never truly said the words "i love you" and regretting it. because now those words are just curdling inside her, a constant reminder of what she had and lost, and it makes her sick. like no, she never gave them away, but that also means she has to harbor the truth of them in her stomach. the truth of how much she's come to need him, of how every time she feels herself breaking down because of the heaviness of reality, it's his arms she craves.

she tries to forget. tries to move on like she's always been able to, tries to deny him like she's never been able to, but it doesn't work. of course it doesn't work. she tries to go out, to kiss boys, but all it does is pull her closer to tears. and it feels a little like she's the one being disloyal. because her heart still belongs to simon. because she never actually broke up with him. he may not remember that they are still together, but it's not like he wanted to ghost her. he loved her. and if he knew her.. he still would. but physicality has always helped her forget, helped her push those strong emotions deep inside. so she trains and she goes dancing, and she even lets a couple guys take her home. but no matter how intense the physical side gets, the emotions just rear their heads even stronger.

she's changed so much since meeting simon, since falling in love with him. and suddenly she isn't satisfied by hookups and bandaids. she wants someone to listen to her, to see her. someone to protect, someone to hold her hand. someone worth fighting for. she wants simon. she worries she's ruined. she worries she'll never be satisfied if he isn't simon. how could she find that again? would she even want to?

and i say she wants someone to talk to, but she definitely is not opening up to the people who are trying to be there for her. she closes herself off until she can properly mask her emotions, but her brothers aren't fooled by her act. clary has the best success when talking to izzy. not because she can offer consolation in any way, but because she gets it. because they can comfort each other in the loss of this person who meant the most to both of them. and when starving out the emotions doesn't seem to be working, izzy decides maybe .. maybe she should try the opposite. so clary starts to tell her stories. she talks about simon the way she grew up with him, talks about his favorite subjects in school and how he cried at his dad's funeral and the day he came home from his first guitar lesson. and izzy knows it helps clary too, to have someone who will appreciate these stories as well. who will appreciate a glimpse into the world clary lost.

but of course that also makes izzy feel even less deserving of the sense of absolute loss she feels when it comes to simon. like she had this guy in her life for what.. four months? why is she reacting so strongly?? why must this love have such a chokehold on her?? but the way she opened up to simon was something so unique and new that.. it wasn't just losing him. in a way, she'd lost a piece of herself too, the piece she'd never thought she'd give away. and fuck. it had felt so good. in all the anxiety.. it had felt good to be vulnerable with simon. it had been a piece of her that she'd relented. not freely given at first, but by the end.. it was absolutely his. and he took it with him. there was no getting that piece of her back.

no matter how hard she'd tried, she ended up with a man who hurt her, just like her mother warned. but she doesn't want to be like her father, either, marrying someone he doesn't truly love, mistreating them in that apathy.. not after what she felt with simon. not now that she knows what true love and heartbreak are. so she thinks well.. i guess i'll have to live off sex alone.

but like i said before, sex doesn't work. alec says she'll find someone, jace tries to distract her, any effort her mom makes is completely brushed aside.. and eventually she finds herself hoping. it's naive. its fucking dumb. but she starts.. stalking simon. just a little. she attends his shows, and she pays attention. she talks to people who have interacted with him since edom, and she pays attention. is there a piece inside him that's broken too? could he remember me? remember us? how bad would it be to just approach him. to kiss him and remind him of the truth.

she expresses these thoughts one night, after having had a little too much to drink at one of simon's shows and going to crash at magnus and alec's place. and magnus listens. he doesn't want to give her false hope, but he also doesn't want her to sink so far into this train of thought that she ends up approaching mundane simon in such a self-destructive way. so he tells her that if they found enough proof, they could try to jog his memory.

then izzy find the poster days after the band changes their name to the mortal instruments and the rest is history..

[kamomillee]

Trauma and Protectiveness in Wish and Encanto

So, I watched Wish...

I don't think Wish needed a villain. In fact, I would have liked the film to follow the approach of Encanto (which I loved very much) because they both have points in common.

Yes, I will compare Abuela and Magnífico, two characters who, despite their differences, share similar problems.

Abuela went through a deep trauma in which she lost her home and her husband and had to raise her triplets alone while guiding her community as the bearer of the candle with the miracle that saved them, which originated from the sacrifice of her husband.

This trauma left her afraid of losing everything again, her family and her home. For her, the miracle was what protected them from doom. Therefore, she saw the miracle as the most important thing of all. She also saw it as her responsibility to serve the community with the magic of the miracle.

This made her become very strict and demanding, putting a lot of pressure on her family to be perfect and to serve the community with their abilities at all times.

What they could do became more important than who they were.

This is what caused the destruction of their home and their family relationships.

Magnifico also suffered a trauma, losing absolutely everything — his home and his family. However, he decided to dedicate his life to helping others and preventing them from suffering the same as he did. So he works hard to learn magic and build a kingdom from scratch with his own hands where everyone is welcome and he was very successful at it.

(yes, this is a very good character we have here)

His trauma, like Abuela's, made him afraid that tragedy would happen again.

His way of dealing with it was to take all this responsibility and pressure of caring and protecting and put it on himself and no one else. Carrying it all on his shoulders.

He will only do what he thinks is safe. And since we have trauma involved, he has his own safety measures. He becomes overprotective. (I can talk more about this in another post haha)

He would do everything he could for them because he didn't want them to feel pain and sadness. That was his motivation.

And that's not healthy either.

He sounds a lot like a family man who lost everything when he was young, someone who grew up in need and had to work hard to create a successful life. A story of overcoming.

So he starts a family. He wants them to have a good life and not suffer the pain he suffered. He protects them. He gives them everything he can. He does everything for them. Everything he didn't have when he was younger he will give them. Because he knows the pain of lack.

But then he ends up spoiling his children and being overprotective.

There are many parents like that.

The tendency is for the children to become spoiled, ungrateful and dependent.

They will not appreciate what they receive because they do not have to work for it. Everything was handed to them on a silver platter without effort. They also start to think they deserve to have everything handed to them just because yes. So they expect to get more and more. Give me! give me!

That's exactly how the people of Rosas were.

They expected their king to give them everything and more because, well, he did.

For them, the most important thing was what the king could do for them.

I really wish they had gone the route of Encanto.

At the end of the movie, when the house falls down, Abuela acknowledges her mistakes and Mirabel shows empathy by acknowledging her pain and all her work. She says something like “Nothing is so broken that we can’t fix it, together” and they reconcile. It was beautiful. After that, everyone comes together to rebuild, with the help of the community as a gesture of gratitude for everything the family has done for them.

If the ending of Wish had been one of understanding, reconciliation and respect, it would have been so good.

And it would have achieved the production’s idea that you should work for your goals.

The people of Rosas would have learned gratitude, respect, and to work and strive for their goals alone.

Magnífico would have learned to take a step back and let his people try to achieve their goals alone. Let them succeed on their own, let them feel the sadness and pain of failure because that is part of the process and part of life. And don't carry everything on his shoulders.

Of course, he can still help, but in a different way depending on each case.

He is a wise king after all.