#I am willing to answer questions relating to the situation and talk about my own experiences. I'm just tired

[antonblastdeluxe]

[persisting]

so, i want to talk about the idea that batman and/or other vigilantes within the fiction are bad for "working with cops" or that they are "the same as cops." i think this idea comes from willful misunderstanding of what batman and his associates want and are working towards. i'm someone who has worked frequently with law enforcement in my day job, so i'm going to use my own professional experiences as an example of why this idea of "working with cops = cops" is wildly off base in this fictional case. also please forgive any typos or weird sentences, i had to copy and paste and mess with this so much before tumblr would let me post it for some reason!

TRIGGER WARNING HERE: i will be discussing child sexual endangerment, and things related. i'm putting the rest of this under a cut to avoid exposing anyone to anything that might potentially harm them. i will NOT be discussing material in detail, and i will be using as many industry professional terms as i can, but please be careful for your own sakes. more below cut.

my profession is not one that's easily described. simple terms will sound horrific, and more complex terms aren't descriptive enough. i specialize in what tech companies generally refer to as "child safety" "minor safety" and sometimes just "exploitative content." what this actually means is that essentially, i am a highly trained specialist in:

-identifying Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) -identifying victims therein -investigating individuals and spaces online where this material is traded or created -investigating and collecting evidence of sexual grooming of minors -tracking these bad actors across multiple platforms -collecting this evidence and offering my professional judgment to law enforcement as to whether or not an individual should be looked into legally i spend much of my professional time looking at CSAM. i am deeply familiar with known victims of CSAM, types of potential victims and their circumstances, the different terminology that bad actors will use to "secretly" discuss their collections or victims, and everything else you can imagine that goes into that world. this means that i am also frequently in contact with law enforcement, with them both reaching out to me and me reaching out to them. i submit evidence and professional judgment calls to LE so that they can act on what's found. these judgment calls aren't made lightly: i have personally been partially responsible for more than one metaphorical (and probably literal) SWAT team breaking down a door. (these are cases where a victim is 100% certain to be with the predator, the predator has volumes and volumes of material on hand and is actively selling or trading it, or a child is self endangering to the level of "selling themself." immediate intervention types of situations.) i love what i do with all my heart. i don't need praise or "you're so brave and heroic" responses at all: i love doing this. i get to make an active, positive difference in the lives of victims and there's nothing to me more rewarding than that. but it also means that, yes, i have to engage with law enforcement. not only do i have to engage with law enforcement, i have to actively assist them in cases. i have to answer their questions, give them my thoughts, and work quickly and sometimes at strange hours of the day/night to get them something within their deadlines. i've played phone and email tag with many a detective. my personal reports have been the primary reason for legal convictions of several predatory people. everything i do to make the internet/world a little bit safer for children and people who were victimized as children (whose materials are still circulating) leads to law enforcement action.

i do not support "the police." i am about as ACAB as they come. the pigs know no peace from me in my personal life. i believe in total national police reform, in community engagement and mental health de-escalation, i do not believe that police should be allowed guns of any kind, and i am the person who stops and films when i see cops talking to anyone in public, of any color. the police are not my friend and i will go hoarse telling you they aren't your friend either. i do not believe cops inherently deserve honor, respect, or authority. i act on these things in my personal life. i will protest, i will sign petitions, i will walk up and ask police why they're harassing someone, what they're doing, and so on. i believe that the entire policing system is broken, and i believe it needs to be eliminated and replaced by something else. where i am able to do so, i put my money, and my body, where my mouth is.

but in the meantime, there are victims. in the meantime, there are people in need. in the meantime there are individuals who are causing incredible harm to others (whether or not these others are "innocent" or not is also immaterial to me.) in the meantime, it's still my job to do something now. i will still talk to that detective, politely and helpfully. i will still report these people for police action. my goals are two-fold, and the first, primary goal for me is to stop the immediate victimization first. working within the current (terrible, broken, exploitative to both victims and bad actors alike) system is the only way to immediately stop those harms. we can talk about the complexity of the rest of it when that harm is effectively stopped.

i'm not a billionaire, obviously, and i don't think anyone reading this is either. (if you are, let's chat, i'm broke and you owe us.) but batman is. batman, canonically, puts money and personal time, resources, and efforts into police reform. he frequently acts against cops who harm victims or who escalate situations. and outside of the cowl, he advocates and actively works for change. he doesn't like the system either. people like to talk shit about dick grayson becoming a cop in the old nightwing run, but they pretend to forget why he did it: because he was infiltrating them to dig out corruption. yes, these guys are also running around punching people. but they're not "propping up the system" or happily washing their hands of what happens once the criminal is arrested. they're still in it, going to trials and talking to parole officers and meeting with law makers about what would make this system better.

and clearly, in our american and police-worshipping society, the narrative is often going to be "they want to make the police better (rather than abolish them.)" but that's a product of the overall social mindset. most people aren't ready to talk about abolishing police. but just because batman and company aren't saying that exactly doesn't mean they're just complacently going along with the system. they're vigilantes because they reject the ineffectiveness of the system.

[spoiltizzy]

Aside from Izzy, Ed, and Stede, what, if any, other OFMD characters do you have an interest in seeing gain?

In addition, do you tend to favor certain branches (ik there's def a better word but I am like 3 mins away from bed so my brain is off rn) of feedism over another for particular characters, or do your interests remain fairly steady across the board (ex: prefer to see character A getting hand fed, have a thing for character b burping, seeing stretch marks on C, vs liking to see the same scenarios for a, b, and c)?

I was in the pub when I got this and I’ve been thinking about it but that doesn’t mean my answer is going to be any less rambly than usual sorry haha. I talk about dubcon scenarios in this more than I usually would, so. Just a warning. Um, I did once write sprizzy, but unfortunately at this point I’m sort of more in the Stede, Ed, and Izzy fandom than the OFMD fandom, if that makes any sense. You’d think that I’d be more interested in the heavier characters in OFMD, given my kink, I guess? Or more interested in other characters for other reasons. I mean, Fang has his tummy out all the time, and Roach seems to be quite a passionate chef. But I connected the most with Stede, Ed, and Izzy, and sadly the other characters really just do not scratch my brain, and there are some of them that I actually really dislike, like Ricky and Jack.

Jack, at least, I’d be willing to have horny thoughts about, but the situations I mentally put him in are all sort of demeaning and humiliating towards him. Sometimes worse. Maybe there’s a market for that, haha, idk. I didn’t understand hate sex until I read a CJ fanfic one time. I find him so annoying that I’d do kinky things to him but in a demeaning way, which is weird, because normally this kink is, if not always soft, usually at least sort of loving for me. It’s almost the only time that I have any interest in gaining being used in a genuine humiliation or punishment way, rather than anything of that sort being just roleplay between characters who actually love each other. Even when I think about Izzy being humiliated or feminized in a humiliating way, which is a weird kink of mine but hey, I grew up in a society full of gender roles so I’m allowed to have kinks about shit that’s been a part of my upbringing’s culture, usually I imagine that the people doing that to him have a lot of affection towards him, whereas any cuteness Stede or Ed saw in Jack in the scenarios in my head is in an actually condescending way with no respect for him. In fact the scenario sort of rests on them approaching the exchange with animosity towards him, which probably makes this my most controversial horny fantasy about pirates. Still, just because I find Jack annoying and don’t like him, I doubt I’d ever actually be able to write a fic or draw any art of this scenario or of chubby Jack or any of that. I don’t like the guy, the only satisfaction I get from thinking about him is either in this weird fucked up capacity, OR in a very very specific scenario involving Stede which I’ll get to later, because I think it’s kinda related to the second part of the question.

Given I am mostly only interested in my three favourite pirates, I can only really answer that second part of the question in relation to them, so I hope that’s ok. But yeah, there are different things that I like best for different characters.

I tend to favour Izzy in I guess what you’d describe as more submissive roles. That doesn’t necessarily always mean him being bigger. For example, the idea of a fat Stede and Ed feeding Izzy because their baseline for what he should weigh is thrown off by their own ideas of how big someone should be, given what they’ve done to themselves. Izzy also tends to be the only one who I’d put in more dubcon situations, like… force-feeding (though it’s worth noting I want him to secretly enjoy it) or weird fantasy intox scenarios where he’s being fattened up and might not be fully aware of it. He’s also my favourite pick for being the spoiled pet out of the three. In general, though I adore Izzy, he’s unfortunately the one that I tend to put in the weirdest most demeaning scenarios of the three. I have also been guilty of making him so fucking stupid because I think it’s funny, cute, and sometimes a little hot in the right scenarios. Like, if the crew realises giving Izzy food shuts him up and he has no idea why it’s happening and doesn’t realise he’s getting fat because of it, or, like I said, in weird fantasy intox scenarios where he’s just… not especially aware of what’s happening. He likes it, though. And he’s always very very loved. The only scenario I can imagine Izzy being somewhat akin to dominant in is just under the circumstances in which he’s petting Ed’s hair and saying sweet comforting things to Ed while Ed “some kind of mommy issues probably” Teach nuzzles and mouths and sucks on Izzy’s tits. Um. What can I say, dude, I’m a weirdo.

Ed’s really hot, and though he may not be suave at heart, he’s capable of acting all cool and sexy and stuff, and for some reason that kinda inspires the desire to see him be completely unabashed about his gain more than I want to see that with either of the others. Or even perhaps unaware of it, or at least acting unaware of it. Ed’s the sort of person where I can totally see him always eating whatever the fuck he wants, and then one day his metabolism really starts to slow down but he keeps eating like always and it just doesn’t occur to him that gaining weight is ever on the agenda. Sneaks up on him because he’s never worried about managing his weight in his life, so he’s not prepared for getting a little older and his sweet tooth having consequences all of a sudden. But I don’t think he’d be ashamed when he realised he was getting chubby, or at least he definitely wouldn’t if he realised Stede and Izzy liked it. And because he’s never had any shame about his food choices, he remains shameless about his sweet tooth and his appetite. That’s a specific fantasy I have quite regularly about Ed, but wouldn’t necessarily put to any of the other characters. And this is related to intox more than tummy, but this is my kink blog so I’ll just say whatever I want on it, but I also sort of like the idea of an Ed who somehow still expects his alcohol tolerance to be what it was when he was in his 20s and partying a lot— I imagine this is sort of just Ed lore in every universe, lol, in some context. Even if “partying” was just getting drunk with Jack on pirate versions of shore leave or something. So he might overdo it and then just insist, while tripping over his words a little and hiccuping, that he wasn’t drunk. But not cause he’s lying, just because he genuinely didn’t expect to be drunk already, and he’s a cute silly billy who thinks he isn’t drunk. Ed’s versatile. He can be a good kitty or a sweetheart who deserves to be spoiled or he can be the kraken demanding to be fed more with a gun in his hand. He can be using his appetite and his pudgy belly to fluster Stede or Izzy on purpose, or he can be so unprepared to have gained weight but so unabashed about his cropped tops and appetite he’s doing it accidentally.

Stede’s a funny one because I usually make him slightly more dominant than the others, in a soft way, in my head. Though that is NOT a rule. I will write flustered or submissive Stede or Stede being teased sometimes. I like a lot of things for Stede, I love it when he feeds another character or fattens them up, I love it when he has those desires and he executes them, but obviously mutual gaining is a really big thing for me so I like him to gain and/or be pudgy too. Though I always want Stede a bit chubby, and usually pudgier than he canonically is by a notable amount, I don’t necessarily feel a need for him to be as big as the others, whereas if I were writing a scenario where Ed or Izzy were not as fat as Stede I would want them to catch up or surpass Stede in weight/size. Maybe it’s because I relate more to Stede, but I tend to give him the most feedery role in my head and though I don’t mind the thought of him catching up or matching the others if they were gaining, I don’t have anywhere near as much of a desire to see him surpass the others. Ed or Izzy on the other hand I would love to see surpass the others. I know I’ve just repeated myself but oh well.

Also, though I like it when all of them burp, I have more of a thing for Stede burping. It’s odd because to me it counts as a sort of subversion of expectations that I adore applying to Stede, but it’s hard to explain exactly why. After all, Stede’s not exactly polite. I guess, though, that he doesn’t come across as gross or messy, so the idea of Stede burping aloud, or aloud in front of others, unabashedly, or letting out rather loud/big burps is kinda hot to me BECAUSE Stede… though he’s willing to pick up pickled noses in his bare hands or dig around in the dirt, he doesn’t have gross vibes, or the vibes of a man who would burp aloud.

That’s where that other Jack fantasy comes in, actually. It’s purely this: I think it would be sort of hot, if say, Jack and Ed were drinking beer and trying to one-up each other’s burps, you know, like the frat boys they were, and Stede just. Got fed up of it, and tried to get them to stop by proceeding to burp in such a manner as to win whatever silly burping contest Jack and Ed were up to. Or if Jack and Stede got catty with each other and it somehow lead to some sort of competition like that, and Ed and Stede’s crew were like “wow, ok, didn’t see that coming” about it. Haha.

So yeah, it is rather different for all the characters, and my rules do all tend to have exceptions. But in general, Izzy’s the one I’m most willing to demean, lovingly. Izzy’s not the only one I tend to make stupid or under the influence of something that makes him so so silly and dumb, but I tend to enjoy doing that to him a lot more than the others. I don’t really like Stede to be the biggest one in the endgame but he can be equal to the other(s). Also, this has nothing to do with tummy, but I like Stede to top. I think this is because Stede is sorta my projection character a lot of the time, and I have an unwavering preference for topping. I like the idea of like… force-feeding as roleplay for both Ed and Izzy but not really for Stede. I tend to like my Ed shameless and my Izzy more often full of shame but for horny reasons, though when Stede’s full of shame it’s usually for angsty reasons.

Basically, yeah, I have a set of different preferences depending on the character, but it’s all sort of weird and complicated and full of exceptions and not really following all that many patterns. I mean, it does follow patterns, but… ah, I don’t know.

SORRY for talking this much, have fun tackling this fucking CHUNK of text, lmao. um. oops.

[apriiciitty]

people of the internet,

the eighth sense has me hooked.

I literally didn’t even know what the hell it is with this bl but I feel so addicted to it.

it radiates so many common feelings and situations that seem to be familiar to todays youth. it’s so fresh, relaxing and comforting the way they portray so many common problems with which we can relate, I just love these specific details a lot.

mainly because I find my own self relating to certain points in an extrem level however, besides that, the whole series’s just so gripping?

you get sucked in it pretty quickly.

let’s talk a bit about jaewon and jihyun because I love their characters so much:

overall, I think we can all agree that both characters carry their own interesting personas right? they are very unique and carry their own stories and weight on their shoulders. they are both pretty commonly written, but also extremely extraordinary at the same time?

Jihyun seems to be a person who just goes with the flow. we saw how he directly got a job right when he moved in Seoul, he tries new things out, he’s ready to explore his environment and I believe he is willing to take chances. He seems to like quiet and peace, is very honest and curious.

I believe that, even though we are on episode 6 already, we still haven’t seen much of jihyun though. And that’s where jaewon jumps right into. I think that we will get to discover jihyun’s sides through jaewon.

as for jaewon,

well.

I think I could write pages and pages on his persona. jaewon’s character is a bit more developed because I think the series’s taking part on his point of view, current me if I’m wrong. That’s why i believe that he is the one who will unfold jihyun’s persona. His story is more detailed and -not so much but actually so much-complicated.

the fact that he wears a different mask on his daily routine in order to please everybody around him, makes me feel sick and tired, imagine being him. that’s just too much. besides that, today we came across his trauma which left many questions behind but also gave us a few answers for some specific points, mainly about jaewons behaviour.

and that’s how we stumble on jihyun again.

I believe that in this case, jihyun is the one to actually make jaewon feel like himself without having to be pretentious and pretty much fake.

both of them are like a puzzle, who only they can place together out of each other.

damn.

i don’t think that we will get a sad ending, that’s not really the vibe we get of the show. I am not very sure as to why the incident with jihyun took place, I guess this will be a break-point where jaewon will overthink their relationship and will have second thoughts? maybe because he wasn’t able to help jihyun when he was drowning and so he’ll feel like he is dangerous for jihyun OR he’ll actually save jihyun and maybe he will find peace within himself, for when he wasn’t able to help his little brother? idk

I am just mentally not ready for anything dramatical to be honest and neither are you.

twt: @o0rageade

[hidiustd]

i've had a tough week at uni, i'm still taking final papers and exams. not finished yet, but i went back and watched the series and fragments and i have a question what's going on in yargi?

i'm not taking this study out anymore, so here's a few words about what i think of the latest developments in this series.

ceylin. she is my comfortable character, my favorite character and in general i just love to think about her personality and actions. her attempt to send parla abroad and lie to ilgaz is not the best decision she could have made. but i am not going to judge her for that. i don't condone her, but i do understand. somewhere in episode 10 she talks about the way she is: choosing what seems right and beneficial to her at the time; not wanting to be judged for those choices. she thinks about the future and says something like "i won't stop, he won't change. trouble will knock on our doors again and we can't handle it". that's exactly what's happening now.

i don't agree that her character has no development. ceylin has never received professional psychological help in all her time. if you have never dealt with psychological problems, then i can only congratulate you. sometimes people cannot change just because they want to. sometimes it takes years of work with a therapist. ilgaz is very good, but he is not a universal pill that can cure all of ceylin's psychological problems just by love. that is not how it works.

ceylin has a huge amount of trauma related to family. she became the backbone of this family very early on, working 2 jobs to support inji's studies. being the sister of a mother who lost a child. replacing the mother for parla. and replacing the father for them all. she is not separated from her family. she cannot say "no" to them and is willing to give them everything, even at the cost of her own life and marriage.

her family is manipulative. aylin blackmailed ceylin with her own suicide. everyone remember ceylin's breakdown in the middle of the night when she thought her mother wasn't breathing? i was once blackmailed with the death of a family member too, it has a nightmarish effect on a person.

ceylin tried to do what she thought was right. how others react to her action is their decision. life is not a straight line. the show needed this situation because you can't hide the problem under kisses and hugs, even though they are sincere, and think it will go away on its own. they have to figure it out.

me personal opinion: teenagers should be held accountable. they are involved in drug trafficking, mafia activities, and eventually murder. it's time for them to think about what they are doing.

opinion #2: the adults should answer as well. the idiots who took the lynching. even if they went to serdar, they could have called the police a hundred times on the way. they could have called the police and ambulance later. but yes, team cleanup after the murder is clearly better.

i am sad for both ilgaz and ceylin. they are very unlucky with their families.

yekta. my favorite annoying yekta. sooner or later karma will catch up with him. he might be the victim from the 6 month arc.

yekta's son is very strange, i don't have an opinion on him yet.

pars and derya. i really liked pars wedding proposal. it's a very beautiful monologue and far from corny as i expected. that scene is very nice, really. waiting very much for their wedding.

that's it for now. i'm really looking forward to the episode on sunday and hope i can watch it live. i'll get back to writing "1095 days for you" in the new year, now i have absolutely no resources for either the fluff of the first chapters or the angst of the last one.

enjoy the show. discussions are great (it means sema and the whole team are doing a good job and we have something to discuss), but don't take it personally. i believe everything will be solved. thanks for reading it, btw.

[summonsproductions]

Drananda Summons Discusses Light

As a part of the Song of the Week, we speak to Drananda Summons to share his thoughts on Light.

You’re inspired by artists like Luther Vandross and Marvin Gaye; Can you name any bands that have inspired you before writing Light?

I could say I was more in a headspace that had seeking to develop the song based off of other inspired artists. My intentions for writing it was to relate to that sensitive intimate side of the listeners as done by artists like Luther Vandross. Even country artists such as Dolly Parton, Morgan Wallen and Billy Ray Cyrus. So, I can say that it was more of a message that I was striving to convey compared to trying to use inspirations specifically from an artist when we’re talking about that piece but on that same level as the artists that I mentioned. You know, those artists that really set an honest precedence about their music. When I wrote light, it was mainly about the message and the impact of someone’s light in your life.

Noticing how much you like experimenting with new styles of music, does writing rock/country-esque music come across as difficult?

No. Rock and country is one of the easier genres because first of all, the derivation of rock and country comes from Black America. When you think of folk, country, western sound, rock & roll, all genres from rock & roll that come from the guitar stroking to shredding, it derives from Black culture. When you think of the Black renaissance, country and rock & roll was owned by Chuck Berry, Charley Pride, Harry Belafonte, Maya Angelou, and Billie Holiday. When we’re talking authentic rock & roll, the godfathers, and godmothers of it, we’re talking about Black Americans. So, to answer your question no. It’s more of a responsibility for me to represent country and rock & roll because of the derivation it possesses. A lot of people say, “oh country and rock are more of a White Americanized” or “Europeanized genre” and that is the complete opposite. Both of the genres come from Black America and also from the south which are two solid factors of my existence to be honest. I come from the south, I am Black American, and I represent Black America. When you know history, you know rock & roll and country play such a solid part in the building of this country and the identity of Black America. So, it’s not hard at all for me to represent country and rock even though many people would say it’s an eclectic genre to work with compared to what you’re accustomed to seeing modern day Black artists working with. But it is definitely a privilege to be able to work in that genre.

We all have obstacles to overcome in a relationship, but what makes life dark and mysterious as described in Light?

When it comes to the relationship aspect, you have to be willing to first know your own light. Know your own value and truth before you just hop in and expect to use someone else’s light. I think that’s the first pause I want to take. When you listen to light you think “oh I feel so safe, so loved, feel the light of someone else.” But the core value of Light is first to understand your own light. A lot of people go throughout this life trying to find their light in something or usually in someone else. That’s not the point of this song. One of my points for this song is for me to encourage people to ignite the light in them and understand that we all need somebody. It may not be in the form of an intimate, loving, situation, but we all need people. When I’m talking about dark and mysterious, I’m talking about those moments in life where you simply don’t know. Where fear is the best option. Where doubt is your most logistical alternative. Where self-hate is even more inviting than self-love. Those parts of “dark and mysterious.” Because it’s easy to go through the experiences of life when everything is going well. But I’m not looking for someone to go through the roses, the pedals, and daisies with me. It’s not even about another person, it’s about me being able to handle these dark and mysterious things on my own to embrace and accept that the uncertainty of reality isn’t what defines life. I don’t want to be with somebody because they make me feel good, the sex is amazing, or I don’t want to be with somebody else. I want to be with you because you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. Also, we’re striving to figure out the difficult things in life. We’re not trying to be the power couple. We’re striving to figure out how we’re going to be it when you put it in the copulation of two people. When you think of just one person, will you own the darkness that we all have to face? We all have to face this shit. This is something no one can hide from. Besides thinking that you can use drugs, alcohol, or outside substances to hide from these realities or acceptances, I pose that question to the person. I even want to pose that question to them on the day that they say, “I do.” “Will you hold my hand through this dark and mysterious thing we call life.” I’m not trying to go through the good shit with you, I can go through the good shit by myself. I’m trying to go through every fucking thing with you. And that’s what I’m striving to go through.

That’s what I’m striving to interpret during that stanza of the song because you can easily go throughout this life if things are always perfect with the right person. But I want to deal with the right person who’s ready to figure shit out. That’s what separates people from willing to live in the light compared to living in the dark. We all have to face this darkness; we all have to face this unprecedented reality we call life. I want to be with somebody, surrounded by light that is able to withstand the darkness. It’s not just about intimate situations, I don’t want to be ignorant and subjective. What is love? When you take sex, attraction, and goals, what is it? My grandma loves me but that doesn’t mean she’s trying to love me the same way that maybe somebody that I went to college with that’s going to love me. So explain to me what love is. That’s up for you to answer on your own. What kind of light do you want? What kind of reality do you want? Because there’s a lot. There’s a lot of light in this world. There’s all these kinds of lights just as there’s all these forms of love. Your boss loves you in a different way that your friend loves you, and your friend loves you in a different way that your family loves you, and your family loves differently in way than your colleague loves you. They all love you in some way or the other. Just like we have to accept there’s light in every situation one way or the other. So I ask that question because I’m not trying to figure shit out on a surface note. This life is hard, scary, beyond confusing. This is honestly speaking from a perspective of a situation that I’ve gotten myself out of in the nick of time. Do I want to sit here and lie to myself and fixate myself on a relationship that doesn’t exist? Or do I want to live in the reality? I tell myself that I’m willing to live in the reality of life. If that person is not ready to live in reality with me, then I have to accept that. I ask that question because this life is fucked up. I don’t care who you are what you’re about, where you come from, this life is fucked.

Can you give a small bit of advice on how someone can bring out the best in you or them vice versa?

The short answer is you can’t. There is no way that you can bring something out of someone else. Your presence may be powerful enough to invoke them to make certain decisions that may be positive or out of their norm. The humbling reality that I would want to say as an artist on record, is that you can’t bring shit out of nobody. You can provoke, antagonize, motivate, encourage, or push people, but you can’t make anyone feel anything. That adds on to the song Light. The light comes from the source that provides light; it doesn’t come from the outside. It’s not the sky or the sea that makes the sunlight, it’s the sun. Without the sun, the ocean is just the ocean, the sky is just the sky, the mountains are just the mountains. But it’s the sun that produces the sunlight on all those things that change the entire trajectory. The sun can’t make the room bright. Windows can make the sun come into the room. I hope I’m making sense. This is something I’ve stepped away from because I’ve accepted that I can’t bring out the light in you. You’d have to want to bring out the light in you and thus bring our lights together. That’s the thing, that’s the trick because you can go out in this light and provoke and encourage people to be their best self and then you’ll find out “oh god I’m so drained, I’m so exhausted, why do I feel like this, why do feel aggravated, why do I feel like I’m appreciated” that’s where all those whiplashes will come from. When you get to a point of centeredness and balance where you know you are not responsible for other people’s light, you are able to sleep at night. In some people you see their greatness, their value, and they don’t want to step into it, to manifest, to operate in that greatness. That is completely their problem.

You are in control of your own light. Whatever response you receive from that light, is the universe that has it. Sometimes you get good vibes, negative vibes, and then a person may ask “how do I define my light?” You shouldn’t. Not based off your experiences; you define your light on every experience and then you learn from the responses of people. Maybe I need to guard my heart in this particular situation. Maybe I don’t need to be that forthcoming. You learn your boundaries. I’ve learned for example when I smile, that invites a lot for people. Some people think I’m ready to listen to all their fucking problems. Some people think I’m a naïve person ready to give them all that I’ve got. Some people think I’m a good ass person which I am. Some people think I’m a vibe. I can’t control what people interpret or receive out of this smile but what I can control is my boundaries that I set up. People have to be preserved. They’re like, “I don’t even want to speak to the people who have feelings for somebody.” If you’re feeling that person and you feel this conviction, “oh I got to bring out the light in them, I got to love, I got to show them how great they are,” that’s not the person for you. That’s not the right energy you deserve. It’s not. The truth is when you get involved with somebody, your duty is to serve them. That’s why I’m not pressed to be in a relationship. I’m really not because the real responsibility of being in a relationship is being there for them, serving them, loving them, learning them, and being open to their reality and being exposed to their transitions. It’s a lot to take on another human being’s totality. I’m 25 now I’m out the high school shit. I think to marry now. So the little puppy love stuff is kind of out. I’ve accepted that I date to marry now. I’m not trying to date just because it’s sex or anything else. I’m dating you because even if we don’t end up at the end of the hour together, I saw myself marrying you. I saw myself being with you. I’m a little bit staunch with the little old school perspective when it comes to what you’re looking out for in somebody nowadays. You can ask yourself, “are you looking for a good time, for commitment, or you don’t want to be alone?” That’s up to you and your inner thoughts. No judgement because everyone has a right to how they feel but you have to understand the power of your light at the end of the day and you’re not responsible for igniting anyone else’s fire. It hurts because when you see somebody you’re down for, that you want to love, and that you want to appreciate you’re just like, “Damn. I wish you could see what I see. I wish you could act the way I want you to act. I wish you could operate the way I believe you should operate.” But humility invokes you and reminds you that this isn’t your life. This isn’t your light. It’s like my mom says, “this isn’t your monkey, this isn’t your circus.” You don’t control the trajectory and I want to keep my fans on the real.

I don’t want you to sit there chasing somebody who doesn't deserve your light. I don’t want you sitting there hoping for someone or some situation that isn’t deserving of your full value. You have a whole idea, a whole light. If you say, “we’re meant to be,” be careful with that. If you say this person was “designed” for me, that’s a whole other level. Until you get to that point where you’re willing to compromise your light with the person, the environment, and people; it’s more than just the monogamous, intimate experience. It’s about your entire light that we’re talking about. It’s about the entire light that you provide, and you have to live in that. That’s no one else’s responsibility. There’s nothing wrong with your light but you have to get down with the person that’s ready to fully receive all of you. Not pieces of you, not junctures of you, but the totality of you. The light that’s within you because when light shines you can’t hide it or mask it unless you’re close to the source. I can’t hide the light of the lamp across the room but when I’m close to it, I can cover it up. So you got to be careful about who you surround yourself with so you don’t have people covering up your light in areas that you don’t need covered up. That concludes my answer to the question.

[rin-and-jade]

I sent this to my therapist in the middle of December and she's never replied to me. Idk if it's acceptable to reach back out?? I want to go through the process, no matter what the answer is. But my intuition always tells me I'm right with my inkling of being polyfragmented. Was my message too forward or worded improperly???

"Hi *therapist's name*,

Since leaving therapy I've done as much research as I have been able, I've joined a discord to genuinely talk to others, and I've asked questions on Tumblr from people who are either therapists with DID or have researched it for years and spend their days helping others. It has all been very validating and eye opening; I'm learning I deeply relate to other polyfragmented systems and a lot of them have related to me.

I did do a lot of research about continuous amnesia and have asked others who have researched longer than I have about it, but it's not seeming to match up very clearly. My memory seems to be more intact than that, but it is spotty, fuzzy, and not always reliable. Sometimes I can remember more clearly than other times, it just all depends.

Anyway, I am reaching out to ask if it would be possible to go through the DID diagnostic process or even the BPD with them being commonly co-morbid. Answers are not coming from within and I'm noticing it's now creating a block in life with a lot of things and I feel like having answers would be beneficial."

Thankyou for coming here and entrusting your real message that was sent to your therapist to me! Im sorry that it hasn't been replied yet and its already nearing to a month with no responses.

I have carefully read and concluded that this message had been very detailed and there is no such thing as being 'too forward' (i personally dislike people giving vague stuffs when i need to figure out their situation/problem, so yeah). You had pointed out where you learned from, added your own pov and stated clear intention that you want to be guided through the process which is already great!

Yes, you should try to reach out again since your words hinted me that its bothering your days and hoped that you can get more insights from a professional. While i worry that you have to wait longer to get a word from your therapist, how does the idea of you, being with me for a bit to gain insight from, sounds? If you are willing to accept the offer, you can instantly contact me via DMs. Though if not, i am fine with that,, and you can always update your situation from the ask box again.

I hope this had helped!

- j

[tuiyla]

How long do people hold a grudge???

Some girl hates me because of a misunderstanding and it's a constant anxiety in my life because we used to be good friends.

I'm also constantly scared that she is saying stuff about me behind my back and everyone is gonna think I'm a terrible person and then I'll have no friends left.

And it was all over nothing!! But she won't talk to me.

Ps. I know this isn't glee related, sorry about that.

I'm not sure how qualified I am to give advice but I'll try Anon.

This might be a silly question but have you tried clearing things up with her? I mean, I know you say she won't talk to you but if you approach her with "I wanna clear things up, please hear me out". I might be jumping to conclusions but she doesn't sound like the kind of person who's willing to have a mature conversation. Still, as long as you try you'll know you did your best. Misunderstandings are easy problems in that it can be solved through communication - but I know that's a lot harder than it sounds. Ultimately the best you can do to ease your own conscience is to reach out and try and have that conversation and if she's not willing then that's on her.

If she really is talking shit behind your back, that's not a good type of friend to have. Not having someone who does that in your life is far better than constantly worrying about what she's saying now. Again, I wanna acknowledge that that's much easier said than to live through. Sometimes, people just suck and upset others because they're not mature enough to discuss and move on. Any friend worth having won't blindly believe anything she has to say about you.

To try and answer your opening question, well, you'd be surprised how quickly people get over grudges. I don't know when this misunderstanding went down but if you tried talking to her and she's not having it then I'd say give it a week and try again. Most people have enough things going on in their lives that even a week's perspective changes things. A week is just a blind estimate because I don't know your situation or the people involved, but that seems like a safe bet. Again if she's not hearing you out even after that then there's not much to do - which sucks, yeah, but you've tried. Choosing not to listen is on her.

[compassionatereminders]

Please read this post before sending me an ask

I don't mind people venting to me, but I'm not a mental health professional and I am not comfortable being used as a stand-in for one, so I'm not answering questions like:

Do you think I have x diagnosis?

How do I cope with or recover from x symptom/diagnosis?

How do I deal with, escape or recover from an abusive or otherwise traumatic situation?

Anything expecting me to manage your suicidal ideation.

I am limited by my own personal experiences, so while I don't mind people venting to me about subjects I'm not educated on, you shouldn't expect me to have answers specifically relating to:

Being gay.

Being transgender.

Being asexual or aromantic.

Being intersex.

Being a person of color.

Being fat.

Studying or working. (I'm a dropout on disability benefits.)

Being physically disabled.

Having abusive parents.

Being abused as a child.

Any mental health diagnosis which isn't schizophrenia or generalized anxiety.

I am comfortable talking about my personal experiences, but this is not an educational resource and you shouldn't expect me to be willing to educate you on any kind of subject. This includes the things I do have personal experience with.

Thanks for reading! Keep in mind that if you don't respect my boundaries I will likely just ignore your ask.

[funnyexel]

Secrets Are To Be Revealed

A/n: I had an ask for anon and I accidentally deleted it (I am SO sorry!!) This is a shorter story so hopefully you like it.

Request : The reader having powers, fighting crime basically being a hero. Marrying batman when he adopted dick having twin boys with him later on, then finding out about Talia Al Ghul and Damian and the interaction the reader will have with Talia. I’m pretty sure they asked for a black reader as well. (Again I am SO VERY SORRY!!) I hope this post finds you!

Warnings : Rape, Implied Murder, Emotions

That was good, right? You’ll find more here -> Masterlist Mega List

Groaning as you put your suit away. Waving Bruce towards to come to you. You lean on a nearby table waiting patiently for him. “You seem a little off.” He stands a few inches away from you. “You were reckless tonight.” You scoff and shake your head at him. “Define reckless. Jumping off a skyscraper without a plan is reckless but jumping off a skyscraper with a plan is dangerous. I see where you’re coming from but I had a plan.” You inch in closer, silently requesting a kiss. “That plan was flimsy.” He turns away from your attempt, walking off to the bat computer. You stood in disbelief with your hands crossed over your chest. “I thought it was a pretty good plan.” You mutter, going up to the manor to check on your children.

Going into their rooms, you find them sound asleep. After changing your clothes, you go down to the kitchen for a late night snack. The sound of the television, redirecting your actions. “Dick? Why are you still up?” You lean over. No reply. “Dick?” You rush over the couch, to find him knocked out. Breathing a sigh of relief, you grab a blanket and drape it over him. “Goodnight.” You whisper, placing a feather light kiss on his forehead. Turning off the tv, you continue your path to the kitchen. Grabbing a snack from the pantry, you sit at the island. “Y/n, are you alright?” You shake your head. “Alfred, do you think I did something wrong tonight?” You glance at the moonlight, seeping through the kitchen window. “No, I think nothing of the sorts. I think you handled the situation quite well.” 

“If you’re only asking me because Bruce is distant. The answer you’re looking for is, he isn’t mad at you.” He adds given your silence. You give Alfred a smile but it slowly turns into a frown. “Who could he be mad at?” He swiftly walks away at your question. “Alfred?” You stare off into darkness, not for long as the door bell rings. Quickly, getting to the door before they make anymore noise. “Hello-” Your gaze drops to a sleeping baby. Looking out you see a figure half-way off the property. Grabbing the basket the baby was in you head towards them. “Uhm, is this your baby?” You tap them on the shoulder. They roughly turn around, grabbing your hand. “No. I do not associate with that thing.” Your jaw drops at her words. “How could you say that? If this is your baby you shouldn’t-” 

“ITS NOT MINE! KILL IT IF YOU HAVE TO! I DON’T WANT IT!” She raises her voice at you. “I-I..” You’re left speechless as she walks away. You look down to the now crying baby. Bring him inside, roughly closing the door behind you. Taking him out the basket and laying him down on the couch. As you looked at him, your eyes began to burn, tears on the brink of falling. “Y/n, put the baby back.” Bruce’s figure firmly stands at the door. “w-what?” You look to him, your voice cracking. Getting to your feet, you stand before him. “Put the baby back, I don’t want you to be caught up in this mess.” He pulls you in the hallway. “What mess, Bruce? I’d usually step back and let you handle things but a baby is involved.”

“I can’t just leave a child out in the world alone. I quite frankly can’t do that to anyone!” Tears trickle down your face. “Do you know who’s baby that is? Talia Al Ghul. Now, I don’t want to choose but if its between you. I’ll have to make a decision.” He watched as each tear glided down your face and fell on your chest. “You’re mad at yourself.” Your lip quivered. “He’s yours, isn’t he?” He was about to speak, defend himself but you cut him off. “It’s okay. I understand. I understand that I’m probably not enough for you but you know where I come from and what I’ve been through. I refuse to put a child through anything like what happened to me, when I can do something about it.” You caress his cheek and suck up your tears. “Even if that child isn’t mine. I’ll treat them as my own.”

You turn away from him and hold the baby in your arms. Taking him to your room. You rest him on two pillows. Gently playing with his hair. The tears rush down your face resembling a waterfall. You place both your hands over your eyes, trying to hide the tears but failing miserably. “Y/n, can I talk to you?” You rest your hands in your lap, looking up to Bruce. He slowly sits down next to you. “I didn’t know.” He looks into your glossy eyes and all you can sense is truth. “I didn’t want to hurt you. But I ended up doing that anyway. I wasn’t willing to have that baby...” He trails off. You get what he’s trying to say and hug him. Resting your head on his shoulder and holding him tight. “I’m not going to attempt to relate to your experience. I still love you.” You smile as you slowly release him from your hold. Your eyes widen in surprise, he kissed you. It felt as if he thought you wouldn’t love him anymore, as if you would have left him as soon as you found out. But that couldn’t be farther than the truth.

[omgitsshrimp]

[SPOILERS from Manga!] Attack on Titan Theory: The baby was NOT PLANNED.

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!! IF YOU’RE ANIME ONLY SKIP THIS POST! 

I thought I’d share my own theory on the whole situation with Eren and Historia. Keep in mind this is just my opinion/interpretation of everything so far. I just want to get my two cents in. 

I know suggesting that the baby isn’t planned sounds nuts, but hear me out. In Ch 130 we’re shown panels of Eren and Historia discussing the military’s plans for her, Eren telling her his plan, and Historia discussing a baby with Eren. 

In one panel, Historia is standing in front of the wooden fence, on the left side of the panel; then in a later panel she’s standing in front of the wooden fence on the right side of the panel. 

I don’t think this is by accident. This implies that Eren and Historia met up more than once, which opens up a strong possibility of them meeting up several times in the past. So when Historia asks Eren about having a baby, we don’t know if she said that in the same conversation as the earlier panels. It could have happened at a completely different time. We only have a close up of her face when she says it, and we dont see the whole convo, which means we don’t know the full context around her bringing up a baby to Eren.  

*Assuming they have met up several times, it begs the question, why does Eren even meet up with Historia? In my opinion, it’s because he has feelings for her, and they might be involved romantically.

 We know that the songs for AoT can allude to or foreshadow events in the story. I feel like Eren and Historia’s meet ups were alluded to in two songs (that I know of) in AoT OST, “Zero Eclipse” and “Yuugure no Tori” (ed3).

Zero Eclipse (only later part of the song is related to Eren):

“Make a promise that I cannot regret, As long as I can see you but in secret”

Yuugure no Tori:

“I’ll sing out with my girl, Go to the meeting place sing alone”

If the Baby was Planned, It Would Contradict Eren’s ideals/motivation

Another reason I don’t think the baby is planned is because if the point is to not produce kids just for a strategic purpose then why would Eren and Historia make a plan to do just that? (ie having a baby to put off Historia eating Zeke). Having the reason for making a child be reduced to convenience/serving your plan doesn’t sit right with me. It doesn’t align with Eren’s beliefs, in my opinion.

Assuming that Eren and Historia are romantically involved and have been physically intimate for some time, I think its fair to consider that this baby was conceived by chance (as well as love) rather than some sort of necessity brought on by a situation. I think upon hearing what the military was planning for Historia, Eren decided to make plans for another way that wouldn’t sacrifice her. I don’t think that involved making a child. I think the child came about by chance and the panel of Historia asking Eren about a baby was maybe part of a longer conversation where she was telling him that she was pregnant. I know I’m making a lot of assumptions, but I don’t think its impossible. 

I think from there, Eren and Historia came up with a plan to hide the pregnancy in order to protect Historia from being connected to Eren, since he knew he was going to start going against the military and wanted to protect Historia from any association with that. And also, kept it secret because if Zeke some how found out, it would compromise Zeke’s confidence in Eren and mess up Eren’s plans. Eren and Historia’s plan to keep the paternity a secret involved lying about the due date and using the Farmer as a cover. I suspect the farmer guy agreed because he really did feel guilty about bullying Historia as a child. The fact that he felt guilty enough to work there for years opens the possibility of him willing to go along with Eren and Historia’s plan, so he can make up for everything.

Paneling Choices

Now I want to talk about Isayama’s choices when it comes to the panels in ch 130, specifically in regards to the scene of Eren making his plans, Eren and Historia talking, and Eren and Zeke discussing Mikasa. How Isayama chose to order these panels seemed to me, very intentional and meticulous. 

In the previous panels in the same chapter we see Eren refusing to allow Historia to be sacrificed and we see him willing to go against humanity for her (and Paradis as a whole). Isayama decided to shows us the process of Eren deciding to carry out this plan through his interactions with Historia, as if to convey that she’s a big reason for why he’s doing all this. He’s emphasizing her importance in how Eren came to start this mission by positoning her front and center. This sequence ends with Eren telling Historia that she saved him, paralleling Mikasa in a big way.

Then, we go to a conversation between Zeke and Eren about the Ackerman bloodline. Zeke is clarifying to Eren that there is no ingrained behavior and that Mikasa does all these things for him because she loves him. And right after Zeke says that, there is a panel of Eren and Historia. I feel like Isayama gave us an explanation of Eren’s actions right here. A discussion about Mikasa’s affection and devotion juxtaposed with images of Eren and Historia right after we saw several panels of Eren doing exactly what Zeke described Mikasa does for Eren, in my opinion, was meant to indirectly allude to why Eren is doing this and how he feels about Historia. Isayama doesn’t want to give it away just yet, but is giving subtle breadcrumbs. Using Mikasa’s feelings to juxtapose probably threw people off too.    

It’s my opinion that Eren loves Historia. There’s other evidence that people have pointed out that I also agree with, but I won’t delve deep I’ll just mention them here:

 -Hanji noticing Eren smiling at Historia and defending her wellbeing, then asking Eren about it. Eren snaps at Hanji when she brings up Historia.

-Historia getting teary eyed when Eren defends her in the meeting. 

The only person Eren has been consistent with protecting this whole time has been Historia. His desire to protect her never wavered. He’s been talking about protecting her since the end of season 3. The only person we’ve seen Eren confide in (about his plans etc.) is Historia. She’s clearly significant to him.

What Eren Kruger Said to Grisha

Another reason I think Eren loves Historia and is romantically involved with her is because of what Eren Kruger said to Grisha. The Attack titan shifter can see future memories as well as past ones. Kruger told Grisha to “love someone in the walls, build a family. If you can’t do that, the same cycle will repeat itself. If you want to save Mikasa and Armin, carry out your mission to the end”. I think Kruger was also talking to Eren here, OR Isayama was alluding to what Eren will need to do in order to save everyone. In the anime, they added a line for Kruger, he says “someone in the future might see this [moment/memory of their conversation]”. I think it was added to establish that there may be a link between what Kruger said and what Eren is doing. Afterall, we know Eren saw this conversation. 

I think Eren did fall in love, with Historia, and is building a family (conceived a baby by chance), and something about the experience of love and impending fatherhood has played an important role in Eren carrying out this mission and ultimately saving Armin, Mikasa and Paradis, while also ending the cycle of hate.

In Ch 130, we see Eren saying that he has to do the rumbling in order for the cycle of hate to end. Similar to what Kruger said. Everything is happening exactly as Eren saw it, we saw that with that little boy Halil (or was it Ramzi?). The future memories were all correct, so if Kruger was speaking based on future memories then what he said about love, building a family, saving Armin and Mikasa, probably had truth to it.

 Eren’s Talk with Mikasa in Ch 123

A lot of people see this as an ErenxMikasa moment but since Eren and Zeke’s conversation in Ch 130, I don’t think that’s the case. In Ch 123, Eren asks Mikasa “what am I to you?”. Mikasa flusters and says “family”. I think Eren asked her this because he was suspecting that her Ackerman bloodline was influencing her decisions. This probably worried him because he didn’t want Mikasa to be a slave to her bloodline. Mikasa’s answer didn’t clarify anything for him. He was left ambivalent on the subject and that’s why he asked Zeke about the Ackerman bloodline. 

Mikasa says in Ch 123, that maybe if she gave a different answer things would have happened differently, but Zeke did give Eren a clear answer about how Mikasa felt. Eren knew how she felt and it didn’t change anything. Eren was concerned about the Ackerman bloodline influence because he wanted Mikasa to be free, not because he’s romantically interested in her.

I do realize I could be dead wrong. I know suggesting the baby wasn’t planned is a huge stretch but I just thought I’d put it out there. I just want it to be true so badly lol. Even if the baby is planned, I think there’s still some truth to some of the other things I pointed out. This was just a fun thing for me to do. I normally don’t write long theory posts, but I figured why not since it’s so close to the end and everyone is speculating. Why not join in?

I think that’s it. I hope I’m not missing anything. As for how I think the whole story will end? I think because Eren freed Ymir, titan powers might cease to exist. But I don’t know how that’ll affect the 13 year Ymir curse if that does happen. So I guess we’ll see. 

Feel free to share your thoughts. I’m not AntiMikasa or anything. Please be respectful! Thanks for reading!

[laundryandtaxes]

i've been following for a long time, and i really respect your point of view, so i ask this as a friend seeking guidance, and i hope that its okay that i ask, how can you tell that what you're feeling is gender dysphoria exactly? I've always felt uncomfortable in my body but that is due to a number of things but some things ive been feeling lately, i've been wondering, is this dysphoria im feeling something more than i've realized? I used to have a lot of dreams of my body having different organs but i've never really talked about it with anyone. I have trouble being perceived as masculine or feminine, i didn't like choosing either and it brings up insecurities either way, but i'm still pretty in the closet about my sexuality so i really feel nowhere near comfortable playing with my gender in my house with my family, even though i really want to deep down, idk im sorry im just confused and only getting more so and im a little scared if im being honest and im mad that im scared like.....

I don't think it matters what you call the distress, to be honest, so I think "How do I know whether I'm experiencing gender dysphoria" is basically the same question as "How do I know whether I'm experiencing anxiety or depression," which is to say it's a question that you're better suited to answer than anyone else alive, since diagnostic criteria are not matters of scientifically verifiable facts of experience but human-created ways of categorizing human experiences. Whatever you call it, it sounds very clear to me that you're experiencing some anxiety around your own way of interaction with gendered rituals, clothing, etc, and if your family is likely to judge you very negatively for experimenting with a different way of presenting yourself, it makes a lot of sense to me that you would be very anxious about the desire to do so. It's fully normal and healthy to be scared about the prospect of doing something major in your life, like coming out, or about the prospect of changing something major in your life, such as how you dress. I cannot help you resolve your family situation except to say that a time will come, hopefully, when your parents are dead and you are still alive, and when that time comes I personally think you would very likely regret having lived your life in a way that was meant to make now-dead people happy rather than a way that was intended to bring you joy and peace. That is my personal opinion and my personal set of values- I do not keep anyone in my life that is not willing to/capable of showing me basic respect, which to my mind includes not making snide comments about who or what I am and how I look. I think that is a good way to live one's life, but only you can live yours and some people just value the approval of their family more than I value the approval of mine and more than they value their own sense of wellbeing, and I understand that that's just another way a person can live a life. But I think that any anxiety you feel around messing with the way your dress and generally present yourself is going to necessarily be partly due to your family situation, and if you leave it addressed the anxiety will therefore continue to hang around.

That being said, inasmuch as you can overcome your anxieties related to family acceptance, it's still extremely normal to be scared at the prospect of trying something new. That does not mean you shouldn't try it out, but it means that if you commit to trying something and freak out in the first few days that is not necessarily a cue that you're doing something wrong, it's a normal reaction to major change. You can take two approaches to mitigate this very normal reaction- one, you can move very slowly, introducing maybe small elements to your wardrobe that are a departure for you in the direction you think you'd like to head, like a couple of new shirts or a couple pairs of shoes that feel extra-specially good in the way you're hoping they'll feel good. This approach also allows the people in your life time to adjust, as it is also entirely normal for the people in your life to be jarred by sudden and major changes in what you look like and how you act. Another approach you can take is to go all in on whatever you want to do, with the understanding that (so long as we are not talking about medical interventions) you can literally just stop at any point if you decide you don't want to continue. If you buy one suit and really give it a fair shot, really try to get used to wearing it, and it just never grows on you, you can simply stop sell it and move on. If you get a haircut and you hate it, your hair will simply grow back at some point. People change over the course of a lifetime- that is absolutely guaranteed- and there is very rarely any real need to do any particular thing at any particular moment. Maybe you try something new and you hate it. That's fine, and not at all a problem in and of itself. I hope this helps some and makes sense, but if not feel free to shoot me another message identifying yourself. As you may be able to tell from the fact that I answered this two weeks after you sent it, it is likely to take me some time to get to it but I will really do my best to get back to you. I wish you well!

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

Hi, first off I ship Zutara and I come in peace. I was pointed your way by a friend when I asked for people who ship kataang who are nevertheless willing to hear different views. I have lurked on blog a week and finally got up my nerve to ask how you or any other Kataang can deny that the last part of book 3 was completely Zutara but then stopped abruptly with no buildup? You can finesse tone on text so I'm not being sarcastic or bitchy, it is a serious question (1/5)

In The Southern Raiders, Katara realizes she has been wrong about Zuko. In Ember Island Players, she realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was, and in the finale, Katara does not care a whit that Aang is gone. I am serious and as someone who is no Aang stan but likes him, I’m actually annoyed by how little anyone cared about his disappearance. It went from “Aang’s gone!” to “Okay whatever, let’s find Iroh so he can kill Ozai.” (2/5)

Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic. I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed. (4/5)

And then literally at the end, Mai shows up after Zuko not talking about her at all for six episodes and declares herself Zuko’s girlfriend. And Katara kisses Aang after being annoyed with and by him arguably since The Southern Raiders. I get that Kataang “won” and I’ve made peace with that, but ... I can’t understand why Kataang shippers are okay with such a crap story. I swear on my gmom [sic] if they’d done this for [Zvtara], I’d be mad as hell. So I don’t understand, I really don’t. (5/5)

As always, I shall begin with a disclaimer: anon, you do not have to agree with this post. No one has to agree with this post, as it is strictly my own thoughts on the subject matter raised here! As per usual, I will not be putting this in the main tags - much less the Zvtara tag! - because I have basic fandom decency, lmao. If you (the general you, not anon specifically) do disagree with this post, that is totally fine, I simply ask that you are polite in expressing your disagreement (if you choose to do so at all! no one is expected to, lmao. i promise).

Alright. Formalities are out of the way!

I’ll admit I giggled a little bit when you say you lurked on my blog for a week, because I’ve actually talked about this subject numerous times in the past! I just found it funny you hadn’t stumbled across any posts about it yet, lol. So, as a heads up, know that I will be providing several links in this post since - again - this subject and related subjects have been analyzed a multitude of times before. I highly recommend reading them all! Mostly because I don’t intend to spend forever restating what’s been said over and over and over lmaooo. I will provide the resources, but it is up to each individual to take advantage of them.

To begin: your ask actually contains a few logical fallacies, anon! I do not mean this as shade or to belittle you - I fall victim to this issue all the time myself. Anyone who writes analyses or participates in debates does! Humans are imperfect and often like to cut corners to reach a conclusion. It is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about because - as the existence of your ask in inbox indicates - you are willing to learn more. So kudos to you, my friend!

Alright. So what logical fallacies am I talking about here? (For the record: specific definitions of logical fallacies were taken from here.)

1. Hasty Generalization.

“A hasty generalization is a general statement without sufficient evidence to support it.” Numerous claims are made in this ask that I have absolutely no doubt you believe to be true, anon, but there really isn’t any concrete evidence to support it! I will go into more detail later, of course, but let’s quickly look at one example:

“In Ember Island Players, [Katara] realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was…”

For the time being, I will ask but one question: from the show itself, not fanon, how do you know this?

2. Causal Fallacy

Ah, this guy. My own worst enemy, tbh! “A causal fallacy is any logical breakdown when identifying a cause,” of which there are several types. “One causal fallacy is the false cause or non causa pro causa (‘not the-cause for a cause’) fallacy, which is when you conclude about a cause without enough evidence to do so.” In your ask, you claim:

“I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed.”

Again, for the time being, I will ask only one question: from the show itself, not fanon, what led you to believe this statement?

“Another kind of causal fallacy is the correlational fallacy also known as cum hoc ergo propter hoc (Lat., ‘with this therefore because of this’). This fallacy happens when you mistakenly interpret two things found together as being causally related.” In your ask, you claim:

“Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

I will ask one question: from the show itself, not fanon, why would you believe these are indicative of romance? (Consider the context the show is situated in, too - e.g. the war, Katara being Azula’s only available match in skill, etc.)

The reason I bring up the issue of logical fallacies is again not at all to make you feel bad, anon!! You were simply trying to express your point to me and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to do so. See, your ask actually presents a larger fandom trend:

Misconstruing fanon as canon.

What you have offered to me, anon, are fanon conclusions. To clarify: there is absolutely nothing wrong with fanon. I adore fanon interpretations (an example I have used in the past is Kuzaang - like, I don’t care that there’s no canon basis! I do what I want lmao!), but a line has to be drawn between exploring fanon interpretations and expecting everyone to take that fanon as canon. Again, anon, this is not your fault! It is not any one person’s fault, lmao. It is an issue of fandom as a whole, and all of us fall victim to it.

With that in mind, I will break down the different components of your ask. I will also do my best to be brief - as aforementioned, I and others have analyzed this issue numerous times before, lmao. To avoid confusion, it would be best to read through each or at least most links as they are provided!

Firstly, there are two posts I have made in the past that almost directly answer your overarching question here in this ask. Please read them prior to continuing, as I will occasionally reference them:

This post explains how Zvtara was not built up from TSR/EIP-onwards, and how their supposed “canon enemies to lovers arc” is a completely fanon construction.

This post explains the issue of the “canon Zvtara” rhetoric from rabid zkers (and you, anon, are absolutely NOT one, in case you were worried).

Alrighty. With that out the way, let’s get into it!

“In The Southern Raiders, Katara realizes she has been wrong about Zuko.”

Gotta start by saying that TSR is not about Zuko. TSR is, first and foremost, about Katara. Katara does not realize she was wrong about Zuko, because here’s the truth - she wasn’t wrong about him. Zuko did horrible things to the Gaang. Katara was not wrong to hold him accountable for that. What Katara does realize is that holding such rage so close to her chest is bad for her. This rage was not solely anger against Zuko, either; it was of course about Yon Rha, too, but it was also anger towards Kya and Katara herself. Essentially, TSR is where Katara realizes she has to forgive herself. Zuko is only one part of her journey (similar to Aang’s role in the episode, if a different end of the spectrum).

This post explains how TSR was fundamentally about Katara.

Additional resources about TSR:

This post explains Aang’s comments to Katara in TSR and how Katara herself recognized their validity.

This post explains why both Aang and Zuko were important to Katara in TSR.

This post is an extensive breakdown of Aang and Katara’s relationship within TSR.

“In Ember Island Players, [Katara] realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was…”

You provide no context for this claim, so I’m going to work with the assumption this is about their reactions to the play itself and the infamous kiss!

There is something important we must keep in mind when discussing EIP: the play they watch is literally imperialist propaganda. It is meant to demean the entire Gaang, and indeed it does exactly that. You mention Katara and Aang specifically, so I will recap what I have explained before about their depictions in EIP: Katara, an indigenous woman, is hypersexualized and portrayed as overly emotional (and thus “irrational”). This reinforces the Fire Nation sentiment that women of the Water Tribes are less intelligent and less suited for “responsibility” than Fire Nation women. Aang, a pacifist and the sole survivor of genocide who is also canonly the male character most comfortable with femininity and spirituality, is portrayed as a flighty, airheaded woman (this is a well-known imperialist tactic meant to emasculate the target, seeing as masculinity was often equated with power in fascist regimes; thus, they effectively belittled Aang before the FN audience). This reinforces the Fire Nation sentiment that the Air Nomads were foolish, weak people who deserved to die.

In other words, of course Aang and Katara were upset about how they portrayed in the play. It is understandable that tensions would be running high and consequently that mistakes (we all know the one) would be made.

This post explains how EIP belittles each member of the Gaang (and why the play is not indicative of Zvtara).

This post talks specifically about EIP and their portrayal of Aang and Katara.

Now onto the kiss. As everyone knows and no one has ever disagreed with, Aang was wrong to kiss Katara. Point blank!

But what people do misunderstand is Katara and Aang’s feelings regarding the kiss. Given your above quote, I assume you believe Aang kissing Katara supposedly made her realize that Aang wasn’t as mature as she once thought. On the surface, this seems like a logical conclusion! But digging deeper reveals… well, there’s nothing that indicates this conclusion at all. Even jumping ahead to the finale, when Zuko has doubts over Aang’s return, Katara demonstrates her faith in Aang (although of course she’s nervous - I won’t deny the obvious, lmao) as she says, “Aang won’t lose. He’s gonna come back. He has to.”

In other words, nothing in canon suggests that Katara believes Aang is immature because of what happened in EIP. She still trusts in his return, as she did even before she knew him (and arguably is more confident in him now, given the 60~ episodes of them growing closer). Furthermore, when Aang does disappear, Katara doesn’t have an outburst about how “immature” it was for him to “run away again.” The viewers know Aang didn’t run away, of course (fans who insist he did are not worth arguing with, anon - they don’t understand the show, rip), but that is a luxury the rest of the Gaang is not afforded. And yet even though Aang has vanished off the face of the planet, Katara still believes he will save the world. If anything, that signifies the utmost confidence in his skill and maturity!

To go back to the kiss itself, this post explains the true source of Katara’s conflict in turning down Aang (hint: she says it herself in the episode! you know, the whole war going on) and why the EIP kiss did not sink Kataang’s relationship.

Additional sources about EIP:

This post explains how the EIP kiss was resolved through narrative parallels.

This post explains how the EIP kiss is so often blown out of proportion.

“… and in the finale, Katara does not care a whit that Aang is gone. I am serious and as someone who is no Aang stan but likes him, I’m actually annoyed by how little anyone cared about his disappearance. It went from ‘Aang’s gone!’ to ‘Okay whatever, let’s find Iroh so he can kill Ozai.’”

As I already touched upon, Katara didn’t need a soliloquy to emphasize her connection to Aang once he disappeared. She trusts that he will return. She says so herself. I guess I just don’t understand how you got from Point A, Katara has consistent faith in Aang, to Point B, Katara and the rest of the Gaang didn’t care about Aang’s disappearance. It’s honestly a bit more like Point A to Point Z, lmao! If you would like to expand on your logic here, I would love to hear more!!

There are a few specific aspects I want to note about your rationale, though. You argue the Gaang moves from ‘Aang disappeared’ to ‘let’s find Iroh,’ but the Gaang actually went from:

1. Aang disappeared!

2. They search the entire island for him.

3. Okay, they couldn’t find him, so they track down June and have her try to find Aang.

4. June says to them, “No, I mean he’s gone gone. He doesn’t exist.” (And she clarifies to Sokka that she doesn’t mean dead, either - she means Aang has totally blinked out of their world.)

5. Only after all of this do they decide to track down Iroh.

The Gaang cares immensely about the fact that Aang is gone, and you could actually argue they waste time by trying to track him down. They don’t give up until June essentially tells them that some Spirit World shenanigans were involved. Even if you don’t think they reached that specific conclusion, I have to ask: What else were they supposed to do? They were told Aang didn’t exist! How are they supposed to fix that?

Well, they can’t. So they do the next best thing: they find Iroh, the man who knows Ozai better than anyone and is also one of the most talented firebenders in the world. In my opinion, that’s a very logical step to take.

“Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

I’ll be blunt here, lol: in my opinion, nothing of what you listed in your ask is inherently romantic.

Okay. I am going to assume you’ve read the first two posts I linked earlier (“Zvtara did not have an E-L arc” and “the ‘canon’ Zvtara of rabid zkers has issues”), because I do not intend to rehash everything they contain, lol. Consequently, I presume you realize by now that there was no canon romantic interest between Zuko and Katara.

And as I always say, just because there wasn’t a canon romance doesn’t mean people can’t take fanon routes! Of course they can! That’s the entire point of fanon! But fanon is not canon, and I am strictly referring to canon in my discussions.

You claim Katara was all over Zuko, which in itself I don’t think is an accurate assessment, because she doesn’t really do anything with Zuko outside the three points you bring up (other than the June gag, which I addressed in one of the aforementioned linked posts). So I’ll go ahead and break down each instance you provide!

1. “[Katara] was giving [Zuko] a pep talk about Iroh”

Katara asked Zuko if he was okay. She asked him if he was genuinely sorry. She reassures him that Iroh will forgive him. That’s… all. Not to diminish the significance of this conversation, but it’s not exactly an intimate, romantically-charged discussion (unless fanon-ized). But on that note, let’s tackle the canon significance of this moment!

Katara knows firsthand the challenge of forgiving Zuko. And she knows that Zuko understands how hard it was for her to forgive him (note: Katara’s anger was totally justified, and anyone who disagrees is probably a rabid Zuko stan lmao). She also recognizes that Zuko is terrified it will take Iroh the same struggle to forgive him that Katara went through. This scene is not related to romance at all. It’s about compassion. It’s about Katara and Zuko’s friendship having progressed, slowly but surely, to the point where she’s not afraid to extend empathy to him anymore (seeing as the first time, beneath Ba Sing Se, did not go so well; you know - Aang died and all). It’s about Zuko recognizing his own fallibility (and the audience recognizing how much he’s grown). He questions how he can even face his uncle after all he’s done to the man, which is a far cry from his entitled attitude in TSR, where he demanded to know why Katara didn’t trust him when everyone else had forgiven him.

To make this moment, this moment about Zuko’s relationship with his uncle who is all but a literal father to him, this moment of vulnerability, of guilt, of remorse, of growth, to claim this powerful moment is about a nonexistent romantic relationship? In my opinion, that is incredibly reductive to what this scene is supposed to signify. And again, there is nothing wrong with people exploring such a possibility in fanon, but in canon? Nah. It doesn’t track.

2. “[Katara] was going with [Zuko] to Azula”

Don’t forget that at first, Zuko planned to take on Azula alone. He doesn’t request Katara to accompany him until Iroh tells him that he’ll need help. As such, Zuko’s immediate agreement with Iroh is reflective of his personal growth (Book 1 and 2 Zuko would have argued and insisted he didn’t need any help). It also demonstrates, however, that Katara was not obsessively on Zuko’s mind. He doesn’t choose Katara until Iroh points out that Zuko will need assistance in taking Azula down. This means that Zuko’s choice of Katara to join him is a tactical decision, not an emotional one. And by all accounts, it’s a damn good decision! Zuko witnessed firsthand beneath Ba Sing Se a) how powerful Katara was (e.g. that wave after Aang died) and b) how Katara was the only one who could take on Azula*.

Of course, besides the fact that Katara was the only match for Azula, who else was Zuko going to choose? Sokka and Suki, while talented in their own right, were no competition for Azula. Toph, while the greatest earthbender in the world, was needed to metalbend the airships. Katara was the only (and the best!) option.

Also, on their trip to face Azula, the only thing they talk about within their three lines of canon conversation are Azula and Aang. Not exactly a romantic flight, lmao.

*Zuko never saw Aang fight Azula on the drill.

3. “[Katara] was healing [Zuko] and saying he saved her not the other way around”

Actually, this is what the transcript says:

Zuko: Thank you, Katara.

Katara: I think I’m the one who should be thanking you.

You’re right about how their lines refer to them saving each other, but you posit it as a romantic moment, when the lines are actually pretty straightforward. Zuko thanks Katara as she heals him from the partially-redirected lightning strike, and Katara thanks him for trying to redirect the lightning away from her and in doing so saving her life. In terms of canon, there’s nothing romantic about this, lol! (Which I talked about extensively in the E-L post, if you need to reference it again.) The reason being is that you have to take the show itself into context when you do analysis. If there was no canon romantic buildup between Zuko and Katara, why would these lines in canon (not fanon! fanon is free rein, lmao) be interpreted through a romantic lens?

Well, they wouldn’t be interpreted as such. Plain and simple.

“I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

Because looking through a canon lens, they aren’t romantic. That’s all. You are of course welcome to view them as such through a fanon lens!! It’s just about recognizing the line between canon and fanon.

“I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed.”

I asked earlier what content in the show itself led you to believe. I have wracked my own mind, and I cannot think of anything that would point to this conclusion. Zuko was in Katara’s good graces for 5 episodes. That’s 8% of the show. Not exactly a lot of time for Zuko to start believing his life would be pointless if Katara was killed, is it?

This post explains the improbability of Zuko having a crush on Katara within canon.

This post explains how Zuko’s racism towards the Air Nomads in TSR and the finale is, well, exactly that - racism (and not a sign of a crush on Katara).

And, of course, as has been said a million times, Zuko taking the lightning for Katara out of romantic interest would completely undermine his redemption arc. Since it has been said over and over and over, I will be brief: Zuko taking the lightning is significant because it is a selfless act (one of his only in the series), and it directly parallels his selfish act of choosing not to intervene when Azula killed Aang with lightning beneath Ba Sing Se. This moment demonstrates Zuko’s growth, how he has learned to accept unconditional love from Iroh and the Gaang and Mai and even Ty Lee and sure, even from Appa and Momo, too. To make this moment of pure selflessness about a nonexistent romance? To force a fanon romance in replacement of canon redemption and canon platonic significance?

Such a decision speaks wonders about a person’s priorities, in my opinion, as well as how amatonormativity impacts them.

Furthermore, Zuko’s choice cements Katara’s position as his surrogate sibling, as she is Azula’s primary foil. Zuko chooses the sister who heals over the sister who harms. I won’t go too much into it here, because it has already been talked about extensively before! Thus, I offer you this post that explains how Zuko and Katara - in canon - are positioned as surrogate siblings as well as Azula’s role in this matter. I also offer this post that lays out through screencaps how Zuko and Katara - in canon - treat each other like family.

Additional sources about the final Agni Kai:

This post in part discusses fanon misinterpretation of the final Agni Kai and why such a lens is not true to canon relationships.

This post explains why the final Agni Kai is not intended to be romantic.

This post explains how the final Agni Kai is primarily about Azula and how reducing it to be a big Zvtara moment is detrimental to both her and to Zuko and Katara themselves.

“And then literally at the end, Mai shows up after Zuko not talking about her at all for six episodes and declares herself Zuko’s girlfriend.”

This point could probably get a post of its own, lol, but fortunately I and others have already written a few! I will link them below - first, however, I question your choice of “declares.” Technically, yes, Mai does say outright that it doesn’t hurt how the new Fire Lord is her boyfriend, but your phrasing implies Zuko resisted her proclamation. When… he doesn’t. In fact, he embraces it, asking if that means she doesn’t hate him anymore (read: he asks if they’re back on good terms again). Zuko clearly doesn’t have a problem with the girl he loves wanting to be with him again - so why do some parts of fandom so adamantly insist he does? (Not you, anon - I am referring to the rabid fanoners, lol.)

Also, regarding how Zuko hasn’t talked about Mai for six episodes, we’ve gotta be realistic with this assessment in terms of canon:

1. It was the crux of the war. They were either going to live or die. There was no time for romance at this point! Sokka and Suki weren’t professing their love on the battlefield, lmao, so it’s not exactly strange that Zuko didn’t bust into a monologue about how he missed Mai. I think they were just a little bit distracted by the possible end of the world, lol, and all that jazz.

2. Zuko probably thought Mai was dead. He knows what Azula is like. He knows his sister doesn’t have time for people who get in her way (Aang can testify to this, lmao). So can you blame him for not wanting to think about how the girl he loved had died (to his knowledge) to save him?

You gotta cut the kid some slack, lol. Anyways! Additional sources about Maiko:

This post breaks down the notion of Maiko and “deserve.”

This post rationalizes through a canon lens why Mai’s arrival at the palace surprised Zuko.

This post is the mother of Maiko metas, explaining in tremendous detail why their relationships works, is relevant to canon, and was well-implemented for what its role was.

“And Katara kisses Aang after being annoyed with and by him arguably since The Southern Raiders.”

What in canon has led you to the conclusion that Katara was annoyed with Aang? What specific moments from TSR to the finale made you think Katara was annoyed with Aang and remained annoyed with Aang? Are there any, or are you thinking about fanon interpretation? (Canon vs fanon strikes again!)

In TSR, Katara explicitly thanks Aang for understanding her perspective. Nothing there is indicative of annoyance (and as in the links provided earlier, she was not angry at Aang/Zuko/etc. so much as she was at herself. well, she was a little bit angry with Zuko, lmao). In EIP, Katara is understandably angry at Aang’s decision to kiss her, but Aang completely backs off, and we see in the part 1 of the finale that there are no hard feelings or weird tension between them. Katara in fact actively expresses concern for Aang after Zuko sporadically attacked him when she demands of the firebender, “What’s wrong with you? You could have hurt Aang!” Even when Aang and Katara do butt heads later in the episode as Aang tries to think of a way to defeat Ozai without killing him, Katara doesn’t stay frustrated. Like I said - when she and Zuko are flying to Azula, she demonstrates her unwavering faith in Aang through her belief that he will return. So… where is the annoyance that you feel was present?

With all this mind, i.e. looking strictly at canon, Katara wasn’t annoyed with Aang during this time. Thus, Katara kisses Aang because she loved him. Because he backed off and gave her the space she needed to make a decision about if she wanted to be with him (hence Katara being the one to initiate the kiss). Because the issue was never about if she reciprocated his feelings (they both knew they loved each other) but rather it had to do with the war. At the end of the finale, the war is over, and there is nothing that prevents them from being together. Simple.

This post explains how Katara’s feelings for Aang develop throughout the series (and were not neglected, as rabid zkers like to claim, for some reason? again - you are not one of them, anon).

This post also covers Katara’s interest in Aang throughout the series.

“I can’t understand why Kataang shippers are okay with such a crap story.”

I mean, you definitely don’t have to ship Kataang. It may not be your cup of tea, and that’s totally okay! But as the above links demonstrate, Kataang was a fantastic story. It was well-implemented into the narrative from Day 1. The soulmateism is unparalleled!

Also, it’s worth noting that A:TLA itself was essentially pre-written. The writers knew how the story would end from the get-go, including that the show would end with Kataang. A few Zvtara gags were thrown in to add a sense of “who will Katara choose?” drama as the show aired, but Zuko and Katara were never planned to end up together. One reason so many newer fans are fine with Kataang from the start is that there’s no tension of waiting a week for a new episode when you can watch all 61 episodes straight through on Netflix, lmao. It’s even more obvious now than when A:TLA was airing that Aang and Katara will end up together, if that makes sense. (Although I talked about this in the E-L post linked earlier, so you probably understand this point already, as it was explained in detail there!)

All of this is to say that Kataang is not a “crap story” in terms of writing (again, personal taste is a different matter) because it was woven in from the beginning and had powerful narrative significance! (Kataang represented numerous complementary components of the series, such as yin and yang, push and pull, air and water, Oma and Shu, etc.)

Now. If you really and truly want to understand why Kataang shippers like Kataang, anon, consider reading some Kataang fanfics or exploring some Kataang headcanons. I read fics involving Zvtara more regularly than you might think, lol, because… well, it’s just a ship. I understand the appeal of romantic Zvtara and I can actually appreciate it when it’s well-written! I’m sure if you’re willing to put in just a little legwork (you don’t need to go the whole mile, lmao - ‘tis just fandom), you’ll realize why people like Kataang, even if it isn’t exactly your thing. You have the range, anon!! You got this!

I hope I managed to answer your questions, my friend! As always, you do not have to agree with anything I have said here. It is totally fine if you and anyone else disagrees! Everything above is simply my own perspective on the matter. Thank you for taking the time to read my response and all the different links I provided! I hope it has expanded your understanding of the subject at hand!

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Intrinsic: Jameson in Therapy

Prompt from Anon:  If you're still taking prompts... "Have you tried NOT doing that?"

CW: Noncon survivor discussing future consensual spice, Jameson’s masochism, frank references to noncon and pet whump, brief internal victim-blaming, world-building detail about WRU

Dr. Berger tucks a bit of graying hair behind one ear, smiling slightly at Jameson from her place in the soft armchair she uses during appointments. “Well,” She says, thoughtful, “have you tried not doing that?”

He looks up at her from where he sits curled up on the long sofa, knees to his chest, picking absently at loose threads across the knee of his baggy blue jeans. As always, she is careful not to let her eyes move to the places where hair is slowly growing back in over bald spots where the straps of a leather muzzle had rubbed, careful not to look at the scars he wears on every inch of exposed skin - she’d made the mistake of being caught looking, however briefly, and had discovered that the newest of her clients was deeply insecure about the visible evidence of his captivity.

She’d apologized, but it had taken time to develop enough trust to come back from her initial mistake. She would not jeopardize that now, after they’ve made so much progress and she’s begun to see a shift in how he talks about and relates to his new life, his world.

He even told her the name he chose for himself, and that he’s been telling the others in the house, one by one. Accepting that it won’t be taken from him like his original name was - that it belongs to him, and is his to share or not. 

She would never, ever admit it, but... Jameson is one of her favorite clients to work with. He’s working so hard, every week that they meet he trusts more and more that the path he’s on is one that will move him forward. 

“What?” 

His voice is slightly rough - someone who has screamed enough to have permanent vocal chord damage, she thinks. She makes a note to speak to Jake Stanton about having a physician check on the potential for nodes or other issues that might pop up later. She’s not a medical doctor, but… well. She’s had a lot of clients with vocal chord damage in the sixteen years she’s been working in the pet lib movement, and you start to pick up on the little signs and symptoms they don’t necessarily declare out loud.

“My question is really just me being a little facetious, I won’t lie, but I do want to talk through the spirit of the question. When you mention feeling guilty that you are having a physical response to your housemate, that you are attracted to them and have been struggling with... well. I’d like to really dig in to where that guilt comes from. Now, I am aware that adjustment houses tend to discourage relationships between household members during their time in residence to cut down on the chance for conflict, but that’s not where your guilt lies, is it?”

He goes back to picking at the hole slowly wearing through his jeans. Dr. Berger waits, giving him the silence and time he needs to think his way through the question and the possible answers. After a long time, he says softly, “No. It’s not. I don’t give a fuck if Stanton wants me to hold somebody’s stupid hand or not.”

She has to force her smile not to widen, wondering if Jameson is aware of just how like Jakob Stanton he really is. No wonder they don’t always get along. “Okay. So can you talk to me about just what you sense of guilt, this worry you feel, is rooted in?” 

She watches with some small surprise as the angry, defiant recovering Box Boy who has spoken frankly and openly to her about being maimed, injured, treated as an object, referred to as an animal... blushes.

“I want-... It’s not the, um, the response. That I hate.” He won’t look at her now, and he’s one who loves to stare her down whenever he thinks she’ll be shocked or disgusted by what he has to tell her. But this… this, he’s ashamed or embarrassed to say. “They’re fucking gorgeous, that’s... anybody would like them. It’s… it’s what I want from them that... scares me.”

“You are accustomed to a certain level of unwanted physical attention, it’s not at all uncommon in Romantic rescues to continue to feel sexual attraction and desire after freedom-”

“No. It’s. It’s not that I-... I know that’s normal. It’s… I want…” He shifts, uneasily. “I want… I want Allyn to hurt me.”

The last sentence is whispered. It’s not sharing a thought, it’s confessing what he feels is some kind of sin he is committing or intending to commit. Dr. Berger sometimes feels like a priest in a confessional booth, although she’s never been one to suggest atonement - no, fear of oneself is where the core of most of her clients’ pain lies, in her experience. Instead, she works on reconstructing the impulse or fear from its foundations, breaking apart the horror of its weight and reconfiguring it so it’s easier to understand. 

To take control of, to direct.

She helps them to own themselves, not to fear the prospect but to see in it freedom they have always deserved. 

Fear is the absolute last thing any of her clients should ever have to feel again. They have been taught to devalue and debase themselves, to fear what their bodies can be made to do. If she does nothing else, Dr. Berger hopes she is able to help them be just a little less afraid of the bodies they live in.

“You want your housemate to hurt you?” She asks, gently. “Do you mean in the sense of a serious injury, or…”

“No. Um. No, I fucking… I think about them, um. Hurting-... like… like they used to do. Biting me, or... or scratching... I th-think sometimes about Allyn h-holding a... never mind. Just. Hurting me. I’m-... made to be hurt.”

“You are made only to be yourself,” Dr. Berger reminds him, her voice low and without any hint of judgement. “We’ve talked about your captors before and how you were held. You believe that you were made into a masochist as part of your training, and so you’re frightened that your mind is thinking about your housemate in ways similar to how you were once forced to think about your captors.”

His nose wrinkles - he’s more dismissive than most of the language she uses, and early on delighted in insisting on using words like owner, handler, master. Things he thought might shock her. But Dr. Berger has heard nearly everything she thinks there might be to hear, by now. She only smiles slightly at his expression, jotting quickly down on her notepad a few notations. 

Finally, he offers hesitantly, “I-I guess. Allyn is… good. They’re soft, and nice, and they’d never-... but I want them to. And it’s-... it would make-... them be like Robert, or… wouldn’t it? It’d be… treating them like… I don’t ever want to be what I was again, so why the fuck can’t I stop thinking about it?” 

He is so rarely vulnerable. Dr. Berger doesn’t take for granted the gift he gives her by letting her see past the wall of anger and derision he has built to keep himself safe. In many ways, he reminds her of when she saw Jake Stanton after his own brush with WRU’s handlers and their methods. Bristling, defensive, and with wounds that cannot be bandaged. They instead need to be exposed to the light.

“Intrusive thoughts that contain elements of your captivity are absolutely normal. You are still in the early stages of making progress, and progress is never linear, Jameson. There is no starting line, no ribbon at the end of the race. There is only moving forward, bit by bit, even if sometimes we move back.”

“You mean I move back,” He says, sullen now. “You don’t do shit. You’re already fine.”

“Mmmn, that’s not… quite accurate. I actually see someone myself, you know.” Dr. Berger smiles at his obvious, visible surprise. “My mentor once told me he never trusted a provider of therapy who did not themselves seek it out. I have my own progress to work towards, just as you have yours.”

“Problems are probably real fucking different, though.”

“Well, that’s true.” She allows herself a warm laugh - and is rewarded when he doesn’t bristle or assume mockery like he used to, but relaxes and even gives her a very small smile in return. “But I would advise you not to compare yourself to others. Your situation, while not unique in some ways, is still unique to you. You’ve been through a kind of horror that no one else has - even if others have experienced some similarities, the traumatic events they experienced will never be entirely like yours.”

He nods.

“But-” She holds up one finger “That doesn’t mean we can’t use what we know as a framework, a foundation you can build your own way on. Think of an ancient Roman road paved into a highway in modern Italy, for instance. The foundation was there, a path laid by people who came through before. But you can take what you need and use it to find your own way. I know that you’re scared of your thoughts, I know that you are frightened of wanting to find gratification or satisfaction in pain because you think it means a return to how you were treated before, or that you are inherently changed in damaging ways by your captivity, but…”

When she trails off, he leans slightly forward “But?”

She chooses her words carefully. “Jameson, would you be willing to consider something that may make you a little uncomfortable?”

He looks at her, depths of feelings in his brown eyes, and slowly nods. “Why not? I’m already fucking uncomfortable. All the time.”

His thin shoulders under the oversized band shirt he wears make angles under the fabric as he shrugs, although in the time she’s been seeing them those sharp edges have already begun to round out, the lines of his jaw and cheekbones are softening.

She’s seen it over and over again, the physical changes reflecting the rebuilding of an entire life. It never ceases to amaze her, how hard each and every one of them works. 

“Okay. This may be hard to hear at first but I think it will help you.”

Eventually he nods. “Yeah,” He half-rasps. “Yeah, okay. Just say it. Everything… everything else you’ve said has helped. Go ahead.”

“Okay. So, what I would like you to consider… perhaps what you see as an enforced flaw, a crack that was put into you, a danger you present to your housemate due to your conditioning and mistreatment… it might be in fact an intrinsic part of your sexual expression, and simply an aspect of your attraction to them, and the wish you stated to me to perhaps escalate your current relationship.”

He swallows. The color drains from his face, except for two spots of bright red high along his cheekbones. “What?” His lips barely move. 

“Jameson…” Her tone dips, reassuring and soothing. “I know what you were told. I know you were likely given a series of half-truths and whole lies designed to engender dependence and teach you to loathe yourself and therefore disconnect from your body. But… that body? It’s very real, and it’s entirely yours. I think that we need to look into the possibility that you already had certain tendencies that were exploited and twisted. Those tendencies are not inherently unhealthy or damaging if you learn to pursue them in a safe environment.”

He blinks, once, twice, his eyes glittering. 

She’s made a misstep and she knows it immediately, clear as the tears Jameson never allows to fall. She didn’t time it quite right. They should have spent more time working up to it…

“Are you saying I’m just-... like this?”

“Not the way you are suggesting,” Dr. Berger says softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t express myself clearly enough. Please let me elaborate a little.”

“I fucking hope you d-didn’t mean that I’m-... that I’m just fucked up,” He says, looking away from her, down at the floor. She pretends she doesn’t see one hand go up to curve around the side of his neck, recreating some of the weight of the collar they are so often taught to rely on for a sense of safety.

“I absolutely did not mean that. One thing WRU excels at - one of the reasons they have been so successful - is that they utilize very effective techniques that encourage a sense of complicity and responsibility in the people they abuse and violate. I’m going to hazard a guess that you were told that you chose what happened to you.”

“I signed up for this,” Jameson whispers automatically, rote and robotic, without hesitation. At least, Dr. Berger thinks, she’s been doing this job long enough that hearing that no longer gets to her like it used to. “I wanted to be some rich asshole’s-”

“Yes. That. One way I think they are able to convince so many individuals so thoroughly isn’t only because of the standard methods of sleep and nutritional deprivation, the repetition, memorizing, the mistreatment… no, I think one thing WRU does is find in each of its victims a core truth they can exploit and cause you to fear in yourself, making you more vulnerable to the idea that this company is somehow saving or helping you by ‘making use’ of it. They find your weak point and use it to shatter you, but what WRU never realizes is that the very weakness they exploit is also often the same piece of you we can recover, that we can reclaim. In your case… Jameson, have you ever heard of consensual masochism?”

He’s hooked, she thinks, on this line of logic. On the lifeline she’s thrown him, something to grab onto. A way to begin to believe, in some small way, that he isn’t ruined. They all think they’ve been ruined, by the time she meets them.

None of them is.

“No, I-I haven’t. Does this mean… there are people like me who aren’t, you know, fucktoys-”

“Recovering Romantics,” She corrects, gently. “And yes. Masochism is a not-uncommon mode of expression that many people engage in consensually in the context of healthy sexual expression.”

He swallows, hard. She watches his throat move. Sees the look in his eyes, the minute changes in his expression. The hand pushing against the side of his neck slowly drops. She can see the gears turning within him, a shifting point of view maybe. She can see what he doesn’t want to speak out loud.

There’s another silence. This one is more comfortable, and as always she gives him all the time he needs. 

“How-” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat, blinking rapidly again. His knees slowly uncurl and his feet, clad in old hand-me-down sneakers, find their way to flat on the floor. Without his ever-present scowl, he looks years younger. Terrified.

Hopeful.

“How can I-... how do I-...” He takes a deep breath. “If it’s just… part of me… how do I make it safe?”

-

@astrobly @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @whump-tr0pes @raigash @moose-teeth @orchidscript @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @eatyourdamnpears @boxboysandotherwhump @vickytokio @whumpfigure @outofangband @downriver914 @justabitofwhump @thehopelessopus @butwhatifyouwrite @yet-another-heathen @nonsensical-whump

[yoshikoooo]

Yan Reader x Childe

Warning: Contains material that may be harmful or traumatizing to some readers ⚠️❗❗

Synopsis: Basically You ravaging on some poor guys who happened to hurt Childe.

♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“Childe!”

You called in concern unto the mans name as You saw How bloody mess was he again.

"I.. I’m fine"

He weakly said as He leaned at the wall and eventually Sat down. You had many questions to ask, Yet you know its not the time for it, You quickly run to get The first aid kit and ran back to him who was Still on the entrance of your home.

You rushed to open the box and started treating his wounds. You took a deep sigh before talking.

"What happened?"

You Looked at him, A Dangerous smile Curved up your lips, It did sent shivers to the mans body, but he also loved this side of you, Ah~ how he wished you could be more rough with him-

You asked, the tenderness and care present as you tried to be careful with his new wounds, careful enough not to hurt him.

"Nothing much-"

"Darling~ I'm asking you a Question~"

Despite Your Wide smile, The voice within it was scary, It was intimidating, as if a black aura would surely appear behind you, ready to devour the man alive if He dared to lie once again. The ginger man just sigh deeply as he knew You were not going to give up until he spoke the truth.

"I was just killing some Ruin guards on the way, When I got ambushed by some Fatui, They were definitely the traitors That I heard From la signora. At the same time, I was on the mission To also get rid of them, but They weren't that easy to catch since they had visions with them too. When I got them cornered up, Ruin guards suddenly Popped up and Went after me, it was chaotic that they even took that chance to run away... Tsk, I'll make sure to really kill them later. "

He said as His eyes darken at the thought of Killing them. He surely won't just give them death Easily, He's surely going to toy with them until They themselves beg for death like a Damn Worm on the ground, Begging to be stepped at and be crushed to death, Well you would surely do the same.

although, You on the other hand, was furious and enraged at hearing at the news.

'huh? Who dares to touch what's mine?'

You thought as You gritted your teeth, Childe didn't know this side of you, and Surely, You Only have this side For childe. If the brunette man knew this side of you, Oh boy, He would surely love to see the scene wherein you spout sweet, crazy nothings such as claiming him as yours and that no one would touch him and only you, Although hidden in the dark, He Know nothing About you being such a psychotic woman that would crush and smash every being that dared to come in between you both. He only knew you as the Kind and adorable you, one that would be afraid to point a knife to someone nor even dare kill an animal without hesitating. It wasn't his fault for not knowing the other side of you, after all It was your choice to hide it, as a ugly part of you was afraid to show him such Dirty side of you, You were simply just too good with hiding things, Too good that felt like you were trained professionally.

"So.. You're heading out again..? With these injuries..?"

You asked innocently as you poked the wound on his chest softly.

"Haha, I know I'm pushing myself, But there's nothing to worry about, cause Once I finish my business with those guys, I will surely take a Rest!"

He tried to reassure you, and you just nodded, playing along with him.

"Sure, But at least eat before You head out, And I'm not done bandaging your arms since We runned out of bandages, I'll just head out and buy more."

You said calmly as you placed a kiss on his cheeks and he did the same.

"Be fast~"

He said with a cheeky smile making your lips curve upward unconsciously. After that, you head out, The smile on your face faded as you looked up to see the dark sky, wherein the moonlight blessed the land with its light together with the stars, You went to the pharmacy and bought bandages as you told him you would, you also added some other things, But you didn't head straight to home, You Headed straight to a building, A tall and Guarded one at that.

Masked mans Walked up to you.

"Miss Y/n, Do you need something?"

They asked as they bowed to showed respect.

"I Need to talk with la signora, Is she busy~?"

You asked and gave a soft and intimidating smile, as if taking a "No" would surely be the end of them, Making it hard for the Fatui infront of you to talk.

"Hm~? Y/n, Do you need something?"

A woman's voice asked as you looked at the right side to see La signora walking towards you while her platinum blonde hair sways and smile.

"Ah~  signora~ I apologize for the sudden visit" You politely said as You smiled at the tall and fair lady Infront of you.

"It's fine, Lets take this to my office"

She said as she started walking ahead, Letting you follow behind.

The trip on your way to her office was quiet and tense.

She opened the door and the both of you went inside.

"Go ahead and take a seat"

She ordered as she went to her own sit. You Obediently followed.

"Now, State your business"

She sternly said, making you gulp hardly.

" The mission Childe took, Mind If I take over it?"

You headed straight to the point making signora Look at You for awhile before A small chuckle came out.

"Eh? Was The mission too much for the Ginger boy?"

She asked as she leaned her chin on the palm of her hand.

"Of course not, He could Slice their throat in one go If some pest didn't dare to intervene."

You said as you tried defending Your lover, You can't possibly let his fellow harbinger look down on him. only you are allowed to do that to him-

"Yes, of course he can, I heard Ruin guards Suddenly entered the scene and that's where It went All Astray from the plan the Boy had."

She said as she seemed to know the whole situation. She paused as she think about your Question again and smiled as she made the decision.

" Its Fine If you take over, although, I wonder if That childe would Even Allow you to take over~? "

She asked as her light gray eyes sparkled with amusement. She was definitely enjoying this.

"Of course, he surely won't...But in the first place , I wonder if he would even Know about it"

You smiled making the woman Chuckle.

"Ain't you such a Bad girl? letting your boyfriend be in the dark, making a fool out of him?"

She suddenly said making you  look at her, displeased at what she said. as if she didn't do the same-

"I'm simply protecting my Beloved childe from the impurities this world has to give."

You said and gave a smile in the end, she just laughed softly.

"Should I send some backups?"

She Asked as she looked at her nails, You stood up.

"No thank You... But a help From you would be nice"

You said and smiled innocently. Making the Lady Look at you, as if she knew What you were asking her for help.

"Do I need to bring their Heads for proof?"

You asked and tilted your head onto the side.

"Their mask and vision is fine"

She answered and sigh deeply before she continued.

"Sure, I’ll help to cover up your involvement in this, You can leave now"

She stated making you smile widely.

"I appreciate it... then This humble one shall excuse herself."

You said as you bowed politely, then you went out as you heard a soft chuckle from the Lady. You thanked the archons as she was willing to cooperate, Your relation with La signora wasn't that bad, It was somehow sort of like a big sister and sister relationship. Although the difference was the Danger lurking behind your backs.

You finally Headed straight home to see your Lovely Childe.

A smile Reached Your lips as you simply thought about childe , You twist the doorknob open and went in, Closing it afterwards.

"That took you long~"

You saw childe pouting on the couch. You placed the things you bought on the table.

"Sorry~ I also looked into some Ointments that would surely heal your wounds faster"

You said as you kissed his cheeks and sat beside him. He slip his arm to your shoulder making you look at childe who was already staring at you, sorrow and mournful feeling evidently filling his eyes.

"Am I really allowed to be with you..?"

He suddenly asked as His beautiful ocean eyes stayed lifeless, Lips curved down. Your  heart quickly shattered as you looked at how the air of melancholy surrounded the Man in front of you. You didn't like how his lips would turn downward and the light on his eyes would just disappear like a  trace of smoke. This state of him makes him vulnerable, yet you knew, He too only has this side for you, knowing that, A whole sense of relief filled you and your eyes soften.

"I love you, Childe, only you and always you.."

You said genuinely and lovingly, it was short yet his lips finally curved upward making him smile in satisfactory as if It was the right words he wanted to hear.

"I love you too"

He said as he kissed you passionately and deeply, You knew where this is heading, Yet you guys can't possibly do it when he's injured so You pushed him lightly. Once you pulled away he seemed kind of disappointed, You chuckled lightly as how adorable he is.

"I Hope you're not forgetting something."

You said and pointed at the bandages and poke his chest again making him pout like a cute little puppy, You love him so much, Too much that You can't resist the feelings of Killing someone whenever They try to harm or converse with Your Beloved childe.

Once you finished bandaging his arms, You mentioned to brew him some Chamomile tea which he agreed to drink before leaving.

"Chamomile Will help you calm down, Since I know You might push yourself again and Make more wounds"

You nag softly and gave him his drink.

"Yes, Yes~ I'll be careful~"

He playfully said making you nod as if You didn't knew He would literally Injure his self more but you know, That won't happen tonight. You were literally at your limit. Almost every week, he would come home to you with a new wound, and Sometimes You saw How some Fatui talk behind His back, It irritated you. You were itching to Kill them all this time. It was as if those feelings were a a Festering Poison twisting everything Your humane features were.

You patted his head as he drink the tea. Then you drank yours as well.

"wah~ This taste Good~"

He said as leaned back at the couch making himself more comfortable. You smiled as the medicine is working, you actually put some soporific drugs in his tea. You noticed how His eyes seemed to fight his eyelids back from closing.

"Childe? Are you sleepy?"

You asked as you feign ignorance, Your tone never changing, He nodded in response.

"then, take a nap, I'll wake you up after an hour then"

You innocently said as you smiled and caressed his face, You can hear him humming in response as He fell on the pillow. You took a blanket and placed it on him, carefully tucking him in.

You knew the medicine won't work That much for childe, so you decided to work fast, You kissed his forehead and Putted on your coat, Heading outside to Find those Bastards.

"Time to hunt some animals"

Signora Gave you The latest information They have on The Traitors and you quickly went To The place. It's been awhile since you've been active so You felt Excited.

═════════•°•⚠•°•═════════

You smiled and Looked around the area.

'Where are they..-"

You grinned ear to ear as You saw a small camp With some fatui who was gravely injured probably due to Childe.

You walked towards it and they began to be alerted.

" State Your name! "

They shouted as You saw their visions glow while they quickly went to a awkward fighting stance.

" I was right.. These sh*ts really doesn't deserve his time.."

You mumbled as Your vision glow, without even them processing what happened, Their Toes Was already frozen, and You took that chance to take their Vision. Protest and resistance were heard from the two.

‘Hydro.. pyro..’

"heh...So You're the Dogs who Tried to kill MY Childe right..?"

You asked as you tilted your head on the side, making the both man Tremble in fear, They didn't bother to speak a word nor even Move.

That ticked you off. The forest around you started to froze, The green leaves turning Icy Blue, Their brown trunks are now Frozen, the ground getting covered in ice as if you turned a part of the forest into a part of dragonspine.

"Hey, Who do you think you guys are? You're both just some useless sh*t who was given a vision. That's all. Nothing special. Yet I, myself don't understand your idiotic actions that led you to Infiltrate the fatui and even dare to Touch What's mine."

You said while Playing with their visions.

"who would've thought You guys were just some spineless bastard who just got lucky By scratching My beloved childe"

You went to them and took their Mask Off.

Tsk.

"Now, I know what's the use of this mask for"

You disgustingly looked at them and started to back away and sat on a Chair.

"Y-You.. Y-You Monster!"

One of them shouted as He tried to Devour you with his Hydro, but within a snap of fingers it all got frozen, making the man Look at you with horrified eyes.

"eh.. If You want to live, Then try harder with that pea brain of yours. At this rate, A damn hilichurl might be stronger than you despite the both of you having visions. Tsk.. in the first place why the F*ck does someone like you deserve a vision?"

You said while you brush the Imaginary dirt on your coat. You looked at them sternly, as they just Tremble like a damn mouse who got trapped.

" Ah~ This is boring"

You yawned as you looked at the Beautiful moon.

"I'll be kind enough to Teach you guys a lesson before getting rid of you both."

You stretched and summoned 5 Cryo swords, flying around in a high speed as they purposely Miss and Scratch the two fatui.

"aagh!"

"N-No!- Ah!"

Groans and hiss of pain Are heard and You just watched them cry and beg for you to stop.

"What do you mean 'stop?' you Disreputable creatures dares touch what's mine with your dirty hands. you even dared scratch it, You must have wanted to die badly right? Its alright, I'm here, I'll give you all the pain and death you want~!”

You laughed as their groanings continued, Blood Staining the ground and even splashes as they get Scratched deeply. The cryo sword were like dancing waltz, it was beautiful, Every Turn and moves would have red Staining The beautiful color of Ice.

Looking at the scene, Anyone would describe you as a psychotic woman who enjoys Gore and violence. Well they might not be wrong about that since you are actually enjoying the gore scene in front of you, Those thugs that dared to scratch Your one and only childe, Are now screaming in pain, and begging you to stop.

'Ah~ how pleasurable to the ears.'

'Maybe if they didn't bother touching what's mine, They wouldn't have ended up like a damn dirty Pig.'

Minutes passed and it suddenly started to dull you out.

"Speak"

You demanded them as the cryo swords stopped dancing, as if the music on the background Finally ended.

"P-Pleas...e.... K-Kill.. Me! Kill me!"

One of them pleaded as Blood Continued dripping down on his body. You laughed.

"pfft...Don't you know that You look so Pathetic Right now?! Are you guys really the said traitors that even a harbinger had a hard time catching? HAHA! I bet if childe saw this, he would be laughing till He's on his knees."

You said as you hold your stomach trying to gain your Posture back.

"Fine~ since I'm now in a good mood , I'll give you the death you want~"

You simply said as the other person smiled in relief.

You snap your fingers and suddenly, Cryo swords began forming ontop of them, 10....15....26....30.. 37...40...45 and it continued.

You could see how their eyes widened in horror once again.

“W-Why..?! W-Why are you D-Doing this?! We’ve d-done nothing wrong..! “

One of them suddenly asked a question as he screamed in despair making you smile widely.

"hmm..? What do you mean? This is entirely all for love~”

You said and chuckled slightly as You saw how The life in their eyes seemed to fade and perish in an instant.

You snap your fingers once again and one by one, the swords began falling. It was as if Raining swords. What a sight to behold indeed.

You saw how the 2 figure in front of you get stabbed every second, Blood beautifully staining the frozen ground again but harshly this time, and their screaming joining in, making You smile in satisfactory.

You stood up and decided to go back. You called the fatui who was definitely spectating from the orders of La signora down.

"At your service!"

He bowed on one knee.

"The mission is finished"

You said as You handed the Masks and visions to the man.

"I'll relay the Message"

He said and disappeared. You started sprinting back to your house. Throwing the coat away somewhere.

Once you opened the door slowly, You got greeted by childe who is barely standing up on the entrance of your house. He looked confused and hurt, and it sort of pained you.

"Y-Y/n...? Why..?"

He asked as there was confusion evident in his voice. Is he suspecting you? No way. Before he say another word, You cupped his face, as you smiled softly

"A fellow subordinate of yours came to report, Since I felt bad waking you up, I decided to go instead-"

You were cutted off when he took your shoulders, gripping it tightly, making the both of you fell down, despite the medicine working, he still had this enormous strength within him.

"Did Those Sh*ts touch you?"

He asked in a stern voice, A voice that would literally murder anyone. It surely send shivers down your spine, and you clearly liked it.

You smiled to reassure him.

"No, Actually he reported that, Those guys you were after, was found dead, It seems their injuries was so deep that They probably died of blood loss"

You patted his head and he sigh out of relief, leaning towards you as he felt his legs giving up.

"That's good to hear.."

He said as he digged his head unto your neck. you nodded and caressed his head. The warmth Of his body seemed to calm you down too.

" Shall we head to the bedroom? you seem tired."

You concernedly asked as you help him stand up, walking towards the bedroom you both share. once you placed the man on the bed, you joined him as well.

"Rest well, Childe~"

You Whispered and kissed his forehead.

"I love.. you too.. Y/n"

You heard him mumbled  sleepily as his eyes finally closed, drifting to dreamland. You stared at childe, The only man that would make you go Crazy If someone dared to steal him from you. He was precious to you, enough that You would surely damn the entire world for him just to make him happy. you would surely despise the Gods and resent destiny If that is what makes him happy. If ever he wanted to burn Liyue, crush mondstadt to pieces and Turn Inazuma to nothing but specks of ashes, You would love to stand beside him and see the artwork The both of you made while Satisfactory pasted on both of your faces.

 "You're only mine childe... After all... No one else will ever love you as much as I do. "

You mumbled and gave another peck on his lips and closed your eyes to drift to sleep.

⚛》》»»»◈«««《《⚛

Hi~ It's been awhile, I had aLoT~ of fun writing this, and I hope You did as well in reading it..

I'm so awkward sh*t.

Well, Anyways, You can't spell slaughter without any laughter ~

[ask-the-lgbtqs-of-lovestruck]

To the beautiful ladies of L&L, I was wonder if I could ask you about something I've been struggling with for a while. I've been struggling with figuring out if I'm asexual or not (I would still like to have a romantic relationship but...). Whenever I try to talk to my parents about it, they always shut me down. Sorry if this is too much, feel free to ignore.

“I am disheartened to hear that those who are raising you will not listen. They may not be ready for such a discussion now, but I do hope that will change. As for this struggle you describe, please know that it is not unusual to question one's sexual identity. It is also not uncommon for one without sexual desire to also have loving, romantic relationships. Whatever questions you may have, I would urge you to share them with a close, trusted friend, or a mentor. You may, of course, ask any of us as well, if it better suits you.”

“Sorry I got this message late, but the shop has kept me busy. It isn’t unusual to question your sexuality. I went through a period where I thought I was lesbian, then straight, before I realized I was bisexual. Thankfully my mother was supportive. I suggest you talk with a close friend or perhaps an old teacher. Of course, you can ask us or any of the others here, not just us Legends ladies.”

“It is never too early or too late in one’s journey in life to question things like attraction and romantic relations. I knew fairly young I was drawn to women, and even lacking experience did not change that truth for me. Take however long you need, my friend. There is no need to rush these things. With lots of exploration and research, you could come to your own conclusion. Best of luck!”

“It’s perfectly normal to question where you fall in terms of sexuality, gender, and/or romantic relationships. Sometimes you have to be comfortable enough to live in uncertainty until you figure out what is right for you. There are lots of online resources you could look up. I know for myself, being able to talk to MC about being Pansexual meant so much to me. I also joined a few groups on social media to find other people I could relate to and was lucky to find many people willing to answer my questions. They also shared their own stories, which made me realize how similar and different all of our situations are. The beauty of finding what suits you, is that there isn’t a right or wrong way to go about it. There is also the comfort of knowing that you can always change your mind and find something more applicable for you over time. It’s your life, find what fits you best, even if that changes or evolves into something else.”

“I am sad to hear that your parents aren’t receptive to your request of their support. My child Imohn had discovered many things about themselves in their adolescence. They identify not only as Nonbinary, but also as Aromantic and Asexual. I supported them every step of the way, as I do with all of my children. I hope that you can find the answers for yourself and have trusted companions or perhaps another member of your bloodline that might be willing to help along your path. If your parents continue to not support you, know that I support you as a fellow Mother. Come to my kingdom anytime you need a reminder of that.”