#I am only posting this because my girlfriend keeps being upset BY HER OWN FRIENDS

[goodness-graceous]

many zel*nk shippers when ANYONE tries to be happy about and enjoy a different ship involving Zelda or Link:

(this is about b*tw/t*tk, but can apply to any of the games if y’all wish 😌)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Someone New 3

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include angst, pining, romcom tropes, and some darker elements later in the series. Some triggers may not be specifically tagged. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This fic will contain explicit content. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You’ve had a crush on your best friend for years, but you’re slapped in the face with reality when he takes things to the next level with his girlfriend.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Thor

Note: why am I so anxious all the time?

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

If Peggy’s party promised everything would change, the ‘yes’ you give to Arturo pays on that promise. Almost at once, everything is different. Your boring, orderly life is suddenly thrown into chaos. You have a hundred worries at once and not enough times; passport, visa, packing, flights. Not too mention all that you’re leaving behind; apartment, furniture, and... friends. 

It’ll be good. You keep telling yourself that, just like Arturo, just like Sam. They seem more excited than you are. You struggle to see past the grief of saying goodbye to the life you built there; the life you built around Steve and false hopes. It’s foolish and naive but it still hurts. 

And you’re scared. Norway. It’s far away. And you’ll be all alone. You survived college because you found Steve; you could stomach the furor of the city for Sam and Bucky, but on your own, what could you do? You’re not brave or bold or anything like that. 

It doesn’t matter. You’re going to work. To forget. Focus on the dig, don’t think about everything else. 

You’ve already lost so much. Steve’s busy, you are too. Maybe that’s good. You have to condition yourself for the trip. For a new life. A year is a long time. You feel like the newly graduated teen heading off to college, the one who walked into the wrong lecture hall on that fated day, the one he picked out and put firmly in her place; a friend, just a friend. 

As you sort through your closet, tossing fabric into one pile or the other, your music stops playing and your phone buzzes loudly against your nightstand. You hurry to pick it up as that noise makes your neck bristle. You hate it. 

You pick up without checking the display. You hope it’s the visa office. No, it’s Sam. 

“Hey, chicky poo,” he chirps from the other end. 

“Chicky poo?” You echo flatly. 

“Hm, you’re right, I’ll keep workshopping,” he chuckles, “so you’re leaving in a week?” 

“As long as my paperwork shows up,” you sighs and cross your arm over your middle. You sway as you look around at the clutter of your bedroom. “And I can get all this shit out of my place.” 

“When’s your flight?” He asks pointedly. He’s not subtle. Men never are. For years, you’d hoped Steve was being subtle and look how that turned out. You know now he was so obviously not into you.  

“Thursday, 5am,” you answer. 

“Ah, that’s pretty early to be hungover but it will be worth it.” 

“Hungover?” You wonder as you slowly sit on your bed, “why?” 

“You’re leaving us so obviously, you need a final hurrah,” he insists, “I’m throwing you a going away party. Just the four of us, unless you have any plus ones?” 

“Going away party?” 

“Neither of the other jerks are gonna do it,” he scoffs, “nothing fancy, promise. Just some drinks.” 

“What about Tuesday? Give me a day to recover?” 

“Wednesday works. Steve’ll be back by then.” 

“Back by then?” You must sound like a parrot. 

“Oh, yeah, the lovers went up north to look at venues for the engagement party. Too bad you won’t make it. I’ll have to drink myself into a stupour all by myself,” he intones. 

“Yeah, sorry about that,” you grumble and pick at a wrinkle in your pants. 

“Don’t be sorry. You deserve this. I’m so fucking excited for you,” he chimes, “you have to tell me everything. I want pictures of vikings and castles and stuff. All of it.” 

“Sam, I’m just going to be digging,” you mutter. 

“And? You can’t just go over there an put your head down. Go sightseeing, go out on the town, have a wild one-night stand--” 

“Sam,” you drone. 

“You need it,” he cackles, “it’ll be a story to bring home with ya. Make us all jealous with your wild Norwegian adventure. Hey,” he pauses and sucks his teeth, “you’re like Uno reversing a whole country. Vikings used to invade others, this is your chance to go right in there and raise hell.” 

“You’re stupid,” you laugh and shake your head. 

“Never said otherwise.” 

“Hm, fine, Wednesday,” you agree, “if I'm gonna be there, I gotta get all this shit packed.” 

“Did I not say if you need anything? I can help,” he offers. 

“No, no, I got it,” you say, “really, it’s not that much.” 

“Right, well, I should get back to it and let you do the same,” he says in a resigned tone. 

You hang up and heave. You put the phone down and drop your head into your hands. You feel like you should cry. You’ve felt that tide of tears pushing on your eyes since the party but they just won’t come. All that tension is driving you mad but you just can’t dislodge the nail driven deep into your chest. 

💟

Your life is hectic but you’re not surprised Steve isn’t part of the whirlwind. Why would he be? He has so much going on. A wedding is much more important than what could possibly be the most spontaneous and naive decision of your life. Impulsive more than anything. Cowardly when you think about it. You’re running away because you can’t face the truth. Because it’s just easy to leave your emotions in New York. 

Still, you thought you’d hear more than this. More than a thumbs up emoji or hearsay from Sam. Even after your conversation on the balcony and his reassurances, you still feel his discontent. Will he really miss you that much or is he just upset you won’t be there to celebrate the love of his life? 

It doesn’t matter, does it? 

It’s gone so fast and you hope the next year goes just as quickly. That all this passes. Not just the trip but everything else. The sadness, the pain, the fear. You try to be positive. You thought college was scary and look how that turned out. 

Ugh, you’re really doing this. You're leaving is all behind. You’re leaving your friends and your family and your home. You have no one to blame but yourself. You could’ve gotten over Steve Rogers a decade ago. More than that. You couldn’t rip the band-aid off, you had to pull it slow so ever hair rends painfully from the flesh. 

The GPS guides you between the shining marquee. You can see the pulsing dot of your destination on the screen. You don’t drive towards it, instead hunting for a parking spot among the cramped lots and lined curbs. You should’ve taken a cab but you’re only having one drink and you’re saving for the inevitable expense of hurling yourself halfway across the world. 

You get out and grab your phone, your purse hooked over your elbow. You raise the small screen and get your bearings, squinting as you set yourself in the right direction. Just across and at the end. 

As you approach the bar, you stop short. This isn’t exactly the flavour. Well, not for them. You peer up at the neon light in the shape of a martini, a bright pink beacon, under which a large group of women cluster. Whoops and hollers go up as they enter and leave you standing out in the technicolour-tinted night. Did you get the address wrong? 

You check your messages with Sam. No, it’s correct. Strange. Maybe he didn’t know. 

You pull open the violet-shaded glass door and peer around as you step out of the way of the patrons behind you. You text Sam to check if he’s there already. You can’t seem to keep up with the clock hands these days.  

As you wait for a response, you glance around. It’s like a Sex and the City reenactment. The guys always teased you for your rants about Carrie Bradshaw’s selfishness. They weren’t much for the genre. With them, it’s sports bars and beers and what ball game is in season. They never notice your cute new earrings or your efforts to spruce up your work clothes with a flashy belt. 

‘Here. You’re looking cute.’ Sam’s response comes.  

You narrow your eyes and stand on your toes to look around. He’s sitting at a tall table with Bucky, the two of them looking out of place before the feathered centerpiece and glitzy wall art of high heels. You can’t help a grin. This is absolutely ridiculous. 

You weave through the tables and bodies, past the bar of gabbing girl groups and a few men mixed in. You near your friends and claim one of the tall stools around the round table. You use the bottom bar to haul yourself up onto the seat and hang your purse from your knee. 

“Hey, this place is... sparkly,” you look around with a dumb smile. You can’t help it! You never get a girls’ night. 

“It is,” Bucky agrees in a grit. 

You stop short. You look at him then at Sam. You didn’t notice before. They’re wearing bows on their heads. Sam has a head band with a gregariously big pink ribbon, whereas Bucky has a glittering purple bow pinned into his thick locks. You laugh and smother it behind your hands. 

“What is this?” You snicker. 

“We are your ladies tonight!” Sam announces and shifts to stand, bending under the table, “and you get to be queen bee!” He reaches to the floor and you lean to see the huge tote underneath, “here is your tiara!” 

He pulls out the plastic tiara with fake pink gems and white feathers. You giggle again as he places it on your head. This is too much. 

“Sam! How—this is so stupid. You didn’t have to do all this.” 

“What? It’s about time. Don’t worry about us. It’s all about you,” he snaps his finger and points at you, “we’re going to order girly cocktails and dish on the cute dudes.” 

Bucky shakes his head as he fixes the bow in his hair, “I wanted a flower.” 

You bring your hands down to your next and wiggle on the seat giddily. This is amazing. Your eyes sting and your throat locks up. You’re going to miss these idiots. 

“You guys,” you breathe. 

“No crying!” Sam claps his hand, “I already got this guy moping around.” 

“I’m not moping,” Bucky sniffs. 

“We have to decide who’s who. I know you hate Carrie so we’ll save that for Steve. He is the stuck up blond, after all,” Sam smirks, “I’m definitely Samantha, it’s already in my name. And you,” he points at you, “Miranda. The level-headed one who has to put up with our BS. That means Bucky--” 

“Charlotte?” Bucky frowns, “can’t I be Stanford?” 

You nearly gasp, “Bucky, are you a stan?” 

“I’ve seen some episodes,” he shrugs. 

“Well, that’s decided,” Sam checks his watch, “where’s that bozo?” 

You frown and look around. You look at your phone. You were just on the cusp but Steve is late. Bucky takes out his cell too and all three of you scroll through your screens. 

“Whatever, we don’t have to wait for him, drinks,” Sam blacks the screen and sets down his phone. He reaches for the pink pleather drink menu, “I was looking at the Paradise Punch. Sounds interesting.” 

“Mm, I’m just having one,” you state, “I gotta drive home.” 

“Pfft, don’t worry about it. You can get your car tomorrow.” 

“Sam, I leave at five in the morning.” 

“Fine, I’ll take care of the car. You’re storing it, aren’t you?” 

“I wouldn’t expect--” 

“Tonight is going to be fun. No arguing,” he points a long finger at you. 

The phone jitters and his phone lights up. He picks it up as your cell remains lifeless in a rare moment of peace, though it’s fraught nonetheless. You peek over at the empty fourth stool. 

“He’s not coming,” you utter. 

Sam huffs and puts his phone down, “he’s not. Peggy has a work dinner and he’s invited.” 

“Oh,” you nod and try not to deflate entirely, “that’s... that’s fine. He said he’d come to the airport but I wasn’t counting on that either.” 

“Asshole,” Sam sneers. 

“Hey, no,” you shake your head, “he’s busy. He has a wedding and all that--” 

“You’re going away,” Bucky surprises you with the emotion in his tone, “and he can’t be here.” 

“Really, it’s not--” 

“It is,” Sam insists. “How long are you gonna let him walk all over you? Isn’t that why you’re leaving?” 

“It’s work, it’s nothing to do with Steve.” 

“Sure,” Sam accepts hotly, “keep telling yourself that.” He cringes and swallows, “tonight isn’t about him. For once. It’s about you. Us. Having fun. Saying goodbye. It’s gonna be terrible without you. I hope you know that.” 

You could laugh at his rebuke. The conflict between celebratory and reproachful is amusing. You exhale and put your hands up. 

“Alright, I got it.” 

“Buck,” he gestures to the other man, “go.” 

You turn to the Bucky and he slides off his stool. He reaches down under the table and brings up a gift bag. Your mouth falls open. Your chest tweaks, a mixture of glee and guilt. You’re happy to have friends with them but you feel so bad for not seeing it earlier. For being so tunnel-visioned that you couldn’t appreciate them fully. 

“This is so—you didn’t have to,” you say. 

“We did. Obviously,” Sam scoffs, “don’t worry, my gift is the grand finale.” 

“Right,” you smile and accept the bag from Bucky. You push through the tissue paper and pull out the heavy shape inside. You reveal it and just as quickly hide it back in the polka dot bag, “Bucky!” 

You let go of the taser and retract your hand. Sam guffaws and Bucky gives a confused grimace, “you need it.” 

“What?” You hiss. 

“You’re going to be all alone over there. You should be safe.” 

“I... appreciate the thought but it’s a bit extreme.” 

“He’s right,” Sam adds, “you know, going to the land of the vikings, you can never be too safe. I’ve heard they like to carry women off in their boats.” 

“You two,” you roll your eyes. 

“My turn,” Sam says, “you’ll love this.” 

He once more searches under the table and the tote crinkle. He pulls out an envelope and you tilt your head. Really? 

“Money?” You wonder. 

“What am I? Your grandma?” He snorts, “here.” 

You take the envelope and turn it over. You pull the flap open and reveal a pamphlet within, along with a second slip of paper. A reservation... 

“I found this place over there. It’s at some coastal castle, there’s a spa and all that. They do like ancient types of treatments, hot rocks or whatever,” he explains, “I made sure you can adjust the dates too if you need. You just have to call.” 

“Wow, that’s... Sam, I’m going to be so busy--” 

“I told you not to work yourself too hard. That’s a good excuse for you to get your head out of the dirt. Literally. Just think of me when you’re in a mud bath with a glass of champagne.” 

You put the envelope next to the gift bag and drop off the stool. You open your arms to them. Sam is up first and Bucky drags himself to his feet. You wrap them in a hug and they do the same in turn. It must be an absolutely ridiculous sight but you don’t care. You tuck your head against Sam’s arm and feel a rumble in Bucky’s chest. 

“Sam, that’s my ass,” Bucky snarls. 

“I was just making sure you didn’t forget your wallet,” Sam chuckles. 

“You’re a moron,” Bucky pulls away and shoves him. 

“Peas in a pod, bud,” Sam lets you go as the hug breaks up, “now, I need a drink and you...” he points in your direction, “need a double.” 

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your thoughts on Haruaya friendship? I wish it was explored more in canon

they are so best friends and the gossipy crush talk they forced on ayano and takane in canon really truly belongs to ayano and haruka. *shakes fist* i completely agree. they deserved so much more focus together:( i understand why they didn't cuz there's a lot going on but Man what a wasted opportunity

especially post str heheheheheheheheheheh cuz i can go crazy insane in this setting god bless post str. with shintaro and takane and their fucked up insane codependency haruka and ayano understand each other's struggles a little bit. i think haruka would be the one to talk ayano into therapy LOLLLL cuz like!!! she is trying to keep herself together for her siblings bc they were alone for so long and she wants them to be able to let go and let her take care of things but girl... LIKE AYANO UM SHE IS DEPRESSED. she literally committed suicide and ya it was cuz of a plan but also *plays additional memory* and also both her parents died. like her parents are deadddd and she LOVED THEMMMM and she has to act like a big sister bc shes been away this whole time and feels like such a failure and like she abandoned her siblings and ON TOP OF ALL THIS SHE JUMPED INTO A RELATIONSHIP WAY TOO QUICKLY AND HER BOYFRIEND IS A MAJOR DICKHEAD so she kinda. feels like she has no right being upset abt the family stuff bc she truly feels like she's abandoned her siblings all this time and needs to be strong and do her part so she is like Basically the only reason i am sad is shintaro doesnt pay attention to me (it is 1000% not the only reason and she knows it). she is depressed in general, traumatized, feels like a failure of a big sister and a girlfriend. #slay

takane keeps relationship therapying her and shintaro per ayanos own request bc takane is the only one able to talk sense into shintaro when he's being a total ass which is like a weekly thing. and ayano is accidentally growing to resent takane because whyyyy is SHE the one who can talk sense into shintaro and not her. cant he see ayano is trying her best!!!!!! its not fair!!!!!!!! and she remembers all this stuff she thinks abt her being no good for shintaro bc he needs someone to drive him and how takane felt called out to the point of staying with him all that time and now it's still like this and ayanos like. ohhhh my god. what if he likes her and not me. takane is clearly better for shintaro than me. BUT ITS NOT FAIR I LIKE HIM MORE *silly girl moment* the whole thing sounds like stupid hs crush crap because thats exactly what it is minus the hs and plus the trauma so ayano also feels incredibly stupid bc she's like god there are bigger issues and im here being jealous over a boy. but she cant help it. and also its like she was rly robbed of her silly crush time because she was so busy fucking investigating her dad trying to kill her family and friends. so its like she mentally relaxed a little bit and unconsciously focusing on stupid things out of spite for this. like dammit. so what if i want to be fucking irrational and be jealous of takane. it's just such an easy feeling to feel. its so much easier to hurt over this than everything else. so she's really jealous even if its super stupid ayano is utterly jealous of takane. AND THATS WHERE HARUKA COMES IN

ayano going to haruka cuz aren't YOU jealous and haruka's like well yeah a little but lol ayano u should talk to shintaro instead of me abt this issue. and ayanos like hehe No. SIT WITH ME AND DO MY NAILS♥️ and haruka's like 😐... hehe ok😊

they kind of find this middle ground. ayano intended to go to haruka bc if anyone understands its him but haruka.... the thing with haruka is that he doesnt rly entertain the jealousy thought and he's rather like yeah this is just a very convoluted relationship dynamic all 4 of us need to work on♥️ and ayanos like EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?!?!IN OUR QUARTET!?!? AND ITS NOT ME!?!?!??!*spirals again* and it kind of. forces her to look at things differently. i dont wanna make it sound like haruka is completely out of the unhealthy bit i could go in detail for instances where haruka shows to be pretty perceptive of the ppl around him but maybe another time. so he totally realises the dynamic going on and he talks to takane abt it but he's all like. "BUT ITS OK TAKANE I UNDERSTAND WHY ITS HAPPENING AND I JUST WANT U TO BE COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY DONT WORRY ABOUT ME OKAY BABY STEPS ♥️ how about one night you sleep over with me and the rest u sleep at shintaro's. oh you also wanna bring him over when we should be alone? THATS OKAY LIKE I SAID BABY STEPS♥️(slowly going crazy)" like he's very much aware but also a little (very) spineless and like ayano well he is also jealous at the end of the day. but unlike ayano being like WHY NOT MEEEEE WHY HERRRRRR haruka is more like. terrified of takane breaking up with him. bc he knows if it came down to making takane choose between him and shintaro she would say shintaro. he'd rather have every date with takane bringing shintaro than not have any dates at all. so hes scared that if he presses the issue takane will be like byeeeee (she wouldnt but haruka is so. yknow takane is super best friends with the dan and the whole thing with shintaro and etc and harukas like what the fuck does she see in me) (harutaka are so insane they feel so undeserving of each other but ill go on abt that probably some other time)

SO yeah he is aware but approaches the situation with painful painful painful hesitance and kid gloves which. doesnt really DO that much. like he brings it up enough that takane is aware its an issue at least but shes also so much like nahhhhhhh whaaaaat shintaro and i codependentttt naaaah ur craaaazy and harukas like haha yeah it was silly. *both know its true and sit there awkwardly* and then takane can be like yeah ok sorry we'll work on it but its difficult bc she needs the help of a third to tell her what to do very firmly like she needs haruka to be like DONT bring shintaro over or else i just wont hang out with you but ofc haruka isnt gonna do that but if takane doesnt have that she'll just keep talking herself out of the problem and haruka is completely like. YEAH ITS OK IF U SAY ITS OK (DONT BREAK UP WITH ME PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEEE DONT DUMP ME) its also difficult to talk abt bc haruka doesnt wanna say it in front of shintaro and his ass is ALWAYS THERE

erm. oh yeah haruka and ayano. yeah they clearly find a bit of comfort in each other during this lol but what i originally wanted to go into before getting sidetracked with the shintaro and takane circus was that haruka kinda also talks ayano into talking abt her other issues about her siblings and parents bc he's like yeah all this shintaro stuff on top of all ur family stuff... and ayano's like MY FAMILY STUFF *breaks down*

because. no one else had pointed it out before. ayano thinks she is totally undeserving of mourning before her siblings can. idk if that makes sense. like ofc she can be sad but not sadder than her siblings, she has to be strong, and she feels like such a failure because her siblings are used to rock and rolling by themselves by now and shintaro wont open up to her and basically ayano is sitting there like. i need someone to need me so bad but no one seems to need me but in case anyone suddenly DOES need me then i am 1000% available. so i cant cry abt my parents clearly :3 and for haruka to casually bring up "yeah ur going through a lot with this and that" ayano feels so validated bc its truly the first time someone realises and says it and if he is saying that then it means she isnt selfish and a horrible person for daring to be sad. and she feels so ashamed bc haruka is someone she had also failed to protect back then but he comforts her and takes care of her and tells her its ok and everything she is feeling is completely valid. also they both cry together abt kenjirou bc haruka also loved him as a dad. *goes crazy*

anyways lol she starts therapy👍

they have 0 self confidence. they think they can smile their way out of emotional constipation. they can't bring up an issue without immediately chickening out. they are best friends forever.

[homemade-ghosts]

PWs always want to bring up that Ricky made Gina cry and didn't prioritize her in Season 2 and to some degree they're correct but it's clear that it was unintentional. They completely omit that EJ intentionally cancelled his risotto date with Gina in the S2 Finale because Jamie relayed false information to EJ that Gina liked EJ "like a brother" without even telling her why he cancelled. smh Ricky either prioritizes Nini (his gf) and not Gina or he prioritizes Gina over his girlfriend Nini.

Ricky really can’t win with #them. If he spent time with Gina, they’d say he was being a bad boyfriend to Nini — but if he didn’t pay enough attention to Gina, if he tried to soften what they have into something platonic (keyword is “tried”, that obviously didn’t work lol) because he’s doing his best to make things work with his, at the time, literal girlfriend, then “Gina deserves better.” and “he doesn’t care about her.” The textbook definition of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” (or at least it would be, if there’s a textbook that defines that phrase, somewhere out there).

Also, I’m about as tired of the “Ricky made Gina cry” argument as I am of the “Gina’s not Ricky’s first choice” argument. Ricky, like you mentioned, never intentionally made Gina cry. She didn’t cry because she felt Ricky was treating her badly or because he said or did anything in particular to her that made her upset. 

Ricky didn’t make her cry, she cried because Ricky had a girlfriend. She cried because the boy she liked, the one she felt so inexplicably connected to, was with someone and that someone wasn’t her — but her sadness didn’t stem entirely from Ricky’s relationship with Nini, either. She was also a kid living without her mom (her only close family member and, up until recently, the only constant in her life) in someone else’s house, in someone else’s room.

& on top of that, the people Gina chose to stay for, the first solid friend group she’s probably ever had, repeatedly took advantage of her kindness. Gina was guilted into auditioning for BATB with Ashlyn & Kourtney (despite the fact that she had planned & prepared for a solo audition) and, as a result, was cast in a small supporting role that she didn’t want. Carlos appointed Gina his co-choreographer, but he let her give up a dance she clearly worked very hard on in favor of his own routine without any hesitation, even after she confided in him about how much she’d been struggling since she got back to East High. He knew she needed a win and he didn’t give it to her. 

There are aspects of s2 that, in retrospect, look a lot better post-s3, but the way Gina’s friends treated her was not one of them. 

My point, though, is that Gina was left without a mom, without a home or room of her own, stuck sharing choreography duties while playing a feather duster. Gina had nothing that was just her’s. She had sacrificed so much and she wasn’t getting anything back. So, while Gina may have cried over having to see Ricky with Nini, over feeling like she couldn’t connect with him as freely as she once did now that he had a girlfriend (because she knew that their relationship naturally had a romantic undertone to it and, for the first time since they met, Gina had to be careful with that) it was never just about that.

& you’re right about EJ. When Gina cried over Ricky it was (sorry for repeating myself) primarily because it broke her heart to see him with someone else, but when she cried over EJ it was because what he did/said to her, directly, made her upset. He sees how excited Gina is for their date, and still he cancels, without offering so much as a simple explanation. &, when they’re actually together, he makes her (rightfully) pissed off by keeping secrets from her, despite the fact that she made a conscious effort not to keep anything from him. Then, he makes her feel unseen & unwanted, like a “maybe,” to the point where she breaks up with him and leaves Prom, a dance she was so excited to go to, with shaky breaths and teary eyes. (& who followed her out as she fled and asked if she was okay? Who was there to pick up the pieces — literally — while she cried at coat check? I’ll give you a hint, it sure as hell wasn’t EJ.)

[sesshy380]

Ship Ask- Longfic AU Kat x Marik edition

I had seen a ship ask game, and I wanted to be self-indulgent and just answer like 99% of the questions without having people ask them. After encouragement from others that I should just do it, I began slowly working on fulfilling my self-indulgence.

If certain things have already happened in longfic, I’ll mention the chapter where it can be found. Anything that might be a potential future spoiler (meaning it hasn’t been posted yet), I will avoid anything beyond the hinting of it being possibly explored.

Important notes for those who haven’t read longfic: Bakura, Malik (Yami Marik), and Kat (OC) are immortal elemental beings. Their canon pasts are butchered and mutated to fit my AU. Also, so people don’t freak out when reading some of the answers, the Yami’s are the biological paternal figures to their hosts. I’m not dragging out the yarn board to explain how it all works. If you really want to know, just read the insanity. It’s called Tangled Web of Fate for a reason.

Another thing to note: Kat is chronologically 5,000 years old. Physically and mentally, however, she is 16, just like Marik. I have stuck with that age for Marik since the story itself picks up one month after Battle City. If the whole ‘age’ thing bothers you, this is a good time to follow the age old art of ‘Don’t like; don’t read’.

1. Describe their first date.

Found in Chapter 11. Their first ‘date’ was the result of Kat dragging along a reluctant Marik as a distraction to calm down, and it ended with Marik being really confused about why he felt the way he did towards a girl. They both still refer to that day as the ‘not-a-date’.

2. Who wakes up early/Who sleeps in late?

Kat is not a morning person. Marik is indifferent…except when he’s up too late, as is evident in chapter 86. That happened to also be one of those times when Kat was up early…and once she’s up, she’s up.

3. What was their first impression of each other?

I know this question is meant more for the typical couple, but with these two it’s not as simple as ‘they saw the other and thought they were cute’.

Marik’s first time ‘meeting’ Kat (that he knows of) was in chapter 5 in a vision/dream…and she was a cat. He was pretty annoyed with the cat.

Kat, on the other hand, first ‘met’ Marik not long after his birth. She was more focused on her own current situation, so she only saw him as her friend’s heir and nothing more at the time.

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

They are both equal in the ‘initiates affection’ department. Kat has always been affectionate even on a platonic level, as can be seen with her weird relationship with Bakura (Marik occasionally questions if the two are really just friends, but he’s not going to be an ass and tell his girlfriend she needs to change how she acts with her bestie). Because of how affectionate Kat is on a physical level, Marik is at ease showing the same level of affection in return. He found he actually likes it.

5. Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

They’ve had a few arguments, but it’s usually because Kat has this bad habit of trying to keep herself emotionally distant (for good reason). Chapter 57 is where shit hits the fan when she confesses to having a moment of weakness and offering herself to her ex (Atem). Marik is understandably upset, and he blows up over it and storms out of the house.

6. How do they make up/apologize after an argument?

Cuddles. Because I’m the author and I am a sucker for post-argument cuddles. No other reason.

7. How often do they say “I love you”?

Marik is the only one to have said it, and he says it often. Kat has implied it, but she’s still emotionally wounded from her marriage with Atem and the fear of being hurt again is strong enough that she actively avoids saying those words.

8. What do they love most about the other? Why?

Kat- How patient and understanding Marik has been with her. Also how he is able to relate to many of the things she says and does in his own way, and it makes her feel more ‘human’ as a result.

Marik- How Kat makes him feel like he’s in a dream he doesn’t want to wake up from. He gets to explore and learn more about himself without feeling judged.

9. What do they dislike most about the other? Why?

Kat- Dislikes when Marik calls her out on some of the things she does, because she’s been oblivious to a lot of her own behavior for several millennia (too many idiots let her get away with just about everything).

Marik- Dislikes that Kat has this bad habit of doing things that benefit others at the cost of her own happiness. Too much of her personality revolves around making others happy.

10. Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

They both like to work in the garage. Kat on muscle cars and Marik on motorcycles. Their first ‘date’ took them to a motorcycle shop that Marik had been wanting to check out, where Kat bought him his first Harley Davidson jacket (it was jean of course, because he’s vegan and won’t wear real leather). They also shared their first kiss in Kat’s garage.

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way?

They both use nicknames/terms of endearment.

Kat- Was the first by calling Marik ‘Pretty One’, which quickly evolved into the Egyptian Arabic ‘gamiil’. After Marik said ‘I love you’ the first time, ‘gamiil’ became replaced with the ancient Egyptian ‘sehedj-ib’, which loosely translates to ‘the one who gladdens my heart’. This was her way of expressing that Marik makes her happy.

Marik- Since they made things official between them, he has taken to calling Kat ‘habibty’. It’s his way of showing her that he considers her someone special.

12. Do they have a difficult time when separated from each other, or are they fairly independent?

Mildly independent on both their parts, unless something happens that prompts the need for concern when apart, like Marik’s concern after the events of chapter 91.

13. How do they keep in contact when they’re apart? Do they write letters, talk on the phone, or simply wait out the time?

Their time apart is mostly due to Marik attending school. They spend his lunch period texting.

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

They have no problem expressing how they feel with one another out in the open.

15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

Blinding Lights by the Weeknd

16. Would they ever get matching tattoos? If yes, what would these look like?

So this one is a bit tricky. Kat’s body instantly heals and is resistant to scarring, and Marik doesn’t like the idea of having anything that is ‘permanent’ (for obvious reasons). They would, however, both get airbrushed tattoos. It would probably be some form of a phoenix to symbolize being reborn from their past. Plus, there has to be fire to symbolize Kat’s element, which Marik found he isn’t afraid of.

17. How well do they communicate? Are they open with their feelings/thoughts or more reserved? Why?

Marik is more open in his feelings. Kat is still reserved and has a hard time saying how she feels. This is due to the emotional trauma Atem caused her across the millennia.

18. How do they care for each other when one of them is wounded/sick?

Kat doesn’t really have to worry about wounds or illness, but that doesn’t stop Marik from trying to protect her when someone does something to hurt her, or from worrying when she’s not exactly up to par. Chapter 26 and chapters 58 & 59 are good examples of this.

When Marik was nearly drained by Kat in chapter 33 (during a moment when she wasn’t entirely in control), Kat stayed by his side. She only left when Bakura woke up so she could do some damage control with her bestie, but Malik was present and she knew he would take care of Marik in her absence.

19. Do they wear each other’s clothes/jewelry?

They do! Kat has no issue with some of Marik’s more effeminate clothing choices. If anything, she finds it cute. Marik’s only issue is when she borrows something and doesn’t put it back after. Kat has a bad habit of setting things in places she can find them later, instead of where they belong.

20. How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

Cuddles and talking. This is most effective towards Kat. Marik needs a bit more, and Kat usually sweetens the pot either with motorcycles or sex. Both are extremely effective.

21. Do they enjoy domestic life?

Domestic life is okay from time-to-time, but it’s not something they would enjoy long-term. They both enjoy the thrill of living on the edge and feeling ‘alive’.

22. Are they comfortable joking around with each other and being silly/playful?

Very much so. They were both robbed of having a real childhood, so they are basically big children some days.

23. What are the defining characteristics of their relationship?

Patience, understanding, and acceptance. Also, the exploration of an unknown future and discovery of self.

24. How do their personalities affect their relationship? Do their characteristics compliment each other, or clash often?

Both are a mix of two different eras, which makes it where they can be genuine with each other. Marik doesn’t feel he has to hide any of his Tomb Keeper past or his time running an international crime organization. Kat doesn’t have to hide that she’s an immortal being from 5,000 years ago or any of the ‘not-human’ aspects of herself.

25. Do they share a room/house? If so, what does it look like and how does it compliment their personalities?

At the moment, they live in Kat’s house, but she’s made space in her room for his stuff. Her vanity has a lot of Marik’s jewelry boxes on it at the moment, along with his makeup. Kat is often minimalist when it comes to these things, but she still owns her share of it. It should go without saying, but Marik obviously keeps his motorcycle in the garage as well.

26. What sacrifices do they make for the other?

Kat- Restricts how much meat she eats in Marik’s presence since he’s vegan (and she’s literally the opposite).

Marik- Made a deal with Apep, the Serpent of Destruction, to help keep Kat’s vampire-like nature a bit more under control (Chapter 34).

27. How do they say “I love you” non-verbally?

Have I mentioned these two enjoy cuddling and just being near each other?

28. Who’s the better chef? Do they cook for the other?

Kat is forbidden from cooking (she doesn’t have the patience for it). Marik isn’t really interested in learning. Both are content with take-out.

29. Describe their nighttime routine.

Marik attempting to remove his jewelry and makeup and getting distracted 99% of the time before he’s finished. He’s 16 and sharing a house and bed with his girlfriend. Hormones are in control come nighttime.

30. What are their respective love languages? Do their love languages work well together?

Kat- Gift giving and physical touch. This is her way of showing that she is paying attention to a person’s likes/wants/needs.

Marik- Giving affirmation and physical touch. Affirmation is his way of showing that the person is important enough to him that he understands what they need/want on an emotional level. It’s progressive on his part as well to step away from the ‘ME’ mentality he had before.

Physical touch is a big one that connects them (hence all the cuddling). Kat likes to touch and be touched. Marik allowing it is his way of showing his trust in her, and he enjoys wrapping his arms around her (she fits just right on his lap where he can rest his chin on her head).

31. Do they often go out on dates? What are these like?

‘Dating’ is still a new concept for Kat. She understands its purpose, but it’s something she’s never done before. Atem was Pharaoh, and they knew each other prior to that. There was no official ‘courting’, it was just Atem asking her to stand beside him and she had feelings for him so she said yes.

Marik never dated in a serious sense. All of his dates were purely casual flings or manipulation to get what he wanted (like with Remi, explained at the end of chapter 45 and continued in 46).

Chapter 85 kind of explains Kat’s side of things and continues for the next few chapters.

32. Do either of them drink? If so, who’s the lightweight, and how does their partner care for them?

Being that alcohol doesn’t affect Kat as quickly, Marik is obviously the lightweight in comparison. His first time drinking alcohol in general was with Kat (Chapter 18). He didn’t drink prior to that because he needed to keep his mind clear to control his puppets with the Rod. Kat only drinks when she isn’t concerned with the side-effect of it dampening her ability to use magic.

33. How do they flirt? Who’s the worst flirt?

They are equals in that area. They both love flirting with each other.

34. Do they have any inside jokes?

Mostly sexual innuendos when flirting.

35. Is their relationship a secret? If so, why?

Nope. Though it was a huge shock to Atem who was okay with it until he regained his memories and realized that his wife had moved on with an Ishtar (he had stolen her from an Ishtar 5,000 years prior, so the irony was not lost on him).

36. How do they feel about having kids? Are they in agreement?

It’s not something that’s been discussed, because Kat has informed Marik that she is incapable. She had to enlist the aid of her father, Anubis, to speak on her behalf to the goddess Meskhenet for Yugi and Imhotep to exist.

37. Who’s more emotionally sensitive/cries more often?

Kat all the way. Marik only cries when he’s emotionally overwhelmed.

38. Who’s got a quicker temper?

Kat has a temper to match her fiery element, and it manifests on a physical level. Something has to really hit the right nerve for Marik to fly off the handle.

39. When and how did they admit that they loved each other? If they haven’t yet, why?

Marik was the first, and he regularly says it (Chapter 44). Kat has yet to say it due to emotional trauma from Atem.

40. Do they have any regrets in their relationship?

In the relationship itself, no. Things they have done since being in the relationship, yes.

41. What would they do if they lost the other?

That may or may not get explored in future chapters…

42. What’s their relationship like with each other’s friends/families?

Fairly decent. Imhotep was an issue for a bit, but he chilled out after the events in chapter 91. Kat isn’t a fan of Ishizu…for reasons.

43. If they picked out outfits for each other, what would they look like?

This kind of already happened in chapter 79. Marik convinced Kat to dress in something more ‘fun and lighthearted’, instead of her usual all-black ‘doom and gloom’. Kat likes seeing Marik in his Battle City get-up.

44. Do they cuddle often? Why or why not?

If you read this far and don’t know the answer, I have to ask: Have you really read any of the previous answers?

45. How do they support each other? How do they rely on each others support?

Marik is able to take a lot of things Kat says and does and relate to it in his own way. By voicing those comparisons, it makes Kat feel understood and seen.

Kat does lean on Marik more in this way, but the fact that Kat doesn't judge Marik for things like how he dresses or his sexuality preferences, helps him feel less like a society outcast (considering he's still getting back on his feet from the whole Battle City fiasco).

46. Do they consider their relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

While Kat's original intention was to make Marik her casual plaything, he charmed her in an unexpected way.

Marik had no intention at all at first, but he found himself oddly drawn to Kat.

They both decided to take things seriously when they became 'official'.

47. Do they sleep beside each other? Why or why not?

Absolutely. Nothing like falling asleep cuddled up together (after having some fun).

48. Do they talk about their future together? Why or why not?

Both are still recovering from their past, and it's kinda hard to bring up a future when one of them doesn't age or die. It's one of those depressing things they'd rather not explore at the moment (plus they've technically only been dating for two weeks).

49. Do they keep secrets from each other?

Unfortunately, but not because they want to. Marik is magically bound to keep the secret of Apep’s current existence (first seen in chapter 34). Kat is also bound in a way as well, in that she can’t explain the true purpose of her 3D chess table (explained a bit in chapter 60).

50. Would they ever break up? If so, why? Who would handle the breakup better?

This one is kind of hard to answer, but something may be coming in future chapters that will delve into possible break-up territory. That’s all I’m going to say on this.

And that’s all 50 questions for this pair! I am going to (regrettably) do these for longfic AU Atem and Bakura next. If you love those idiots as much as I do, keep an eye open for their version in the future. I’m hoping to have it done and posted before I go downstate for Youmacon.

[sleepyezzy]

this is a vent but its incoherent probabky because its like 3 am

all i can hear is the incoherent screaming of my own thoughts that refuse to shut the hell up theyre sayinf so many things holy shit

they need to shut up i need to shut up i should be happy everything is going perfectly for me

i literally got a perfect girlfriend im getting good grades my parents arent being crazy right now i have nothing to be upset about why the hell does everything still feel like shit

all i can think about is that im not doing good enough im not good enough for her im not good enough for my parents or my friends or anything i dont deserve any of what i have

and i so desperately wish i could talk without feeling like a burden or like no one actually cares that theyre all lying that they all only pity me even though i know i dont even deserve their pity

i dont even have any reason to feel that way and i hate myself for it because so many people have it worse just because something shitty happened 7 years ago doesnt give me the right to be an ungrateful little bitch about what i have now because it "reminds me of it"

and to my family vulnerability is a weakness, crying is a weakness, emotions that are anything but positive are weaknesses

they say they care then refuse to listen to my concerns and explicitly go against PROFESSIONAL advice to keep me on meds ,to get me tested for all this stuff that i dont even remember half of them

because i cant have something unless they have it because genetics because how in the world could their perfect child have trauma? and obviously its not as extreme as it feels because its just teenage angst or whatever but. yeah

and with my partner im so scared to screw it up with them because of something i may think is normal or just forgetting something important or asking the wrong questions or even talking too much because i dont want to be a burden on her or anyone else

but thats all i can think of myself as and thats all i think anyone else could ever see me as

yeah

i dont even know why im posting this anyway

[diariesof-kg]

The Heartbreaker Continued...

Tmobile won’t let me disconnect my phone line, what a damn joke.  And IG keeps denying me of deactivating my IG.  I just came back from seeing my kids.  It somehow healed a part of me.  The innocence of children is honestly a beautiful thing.  It’s the ultimate forever love you’ll always get.

I noticed everyone was on their phones and well I wasn’t.  The consumption of social media is really something toxic.  Everyone also noticed my energy was way off even though I smiled a lot.  My best friend mom was like “...are you okay? Are you good...” I wanted to break but couldn’t.  It’s like one of those moments of do not speak about that forbidden thing.  I want to go to the beach tonight.  I feel the urgency to get there.  I am kind of glad the plans are cancelled for tomorrow.  Hearing my mom say “Be strong...” stings.  She knows I’ve attempted to take my life 3x and the next time will be the last.  The last conversation, I cried when she said “be strong Ke’Anna, you have to be...” if anything should happen to her.  Maybe that’s why she refuses to come see me?  In my dreams I see her feet never her face.  Maybe she’s scared that if I come in contact I’ll let go of this world.  I’ve been strong and I’m tired.  Everyday I wake up and I am in pain.  I swear I don’t want to be in this vessel anymore.  It’s a weird type of pain.  And look at me venting my thoughts out.  Look at me disappearing, and yet, “I am a ghoster and a bad friend” Lol.

When shit hits the fan, no one has my back at all.  I honestly DO NOT understand why I am so bothered.  That’s why I need to go away.  I am beyond vulnerable at this point.  Accountability also bothers me.  No one is willing to admit their wrongs and apologize.  I feel like once my mom died, I became very weak and everything bothers me.  Maybe I am scared of being alone for once, when at first I wasn’t because she was here.  Maybe I am scared of my subconscious?  Maybe I am seeking things to feel a void?  What if I have become broken (like everyone else) and seeking a healer?  I feel like a disease walking around infecting those around me unintentionally.  I feel ugly inside.  This friend thing boiled everything over for me.  Capricorns are the goats but we feel things too.  We have emotions too.  We hurt too.  

I do be use to people’s actions, but a person can only handle so much.  The fact that my sister came and was so busy visiting her friends was hurtful.  I was only allowed two days and that barely worked.  I wanted to have lunch with her and my girlfriend but my sister schedule just didn’t allow that and she wasn’t going to readjust anything.  *tears* Maybe I’m too sensitive?  I get everyone has their own life, but the fact my own sister spared me 2 days, real life hurts.  I have to take care of everything regarding our mother and my brother, meanwhile she has no responsibilities.  That’s why I always question, what am I doing here?  I am here to do what others are not willing to do.  Then she poured the drama on me and didn’t pour back into me at all.  It’s like Ke’Anna why are you even upset at this point, you should be use to this.  I shouldn’t be use to anything at this point, I should be respected and appreciated.  So many things bother me at this point, I just want to disappear.  My feelings are always denied and never heard, that’s why I don’t speak about them, I’d rather write them out.  I feel like as a child it’s always been this way, but then once I interacted with other humans, it’s still the same, friendships, relationships, family.....

I wish people would stop seeing me as a sexual object.  I can’t even begin to express those thoughts.  I’d never forget when, this chick my friends named her Candy Cane was so upset, and said “you could get it, aint no way no one is fucking you...”  that’s for a different blog post, but I’ll gather those screenshots from my old phone.  Some random number, sent nudes, asking me to eat their p*ssy.  Anyone would be delighted to have things like this happen, but if you knew what happened to me as a child, you’d be a bit more respectful.  Plus the other chick sexually assaulting me (for another blog).  Phew....there is so much bottled up it’s starting to leak.  I enjoy intimacy with love making with the person I choose to be with.  I am not interested in having sex with random folks or be enticed by inappropriate comments that come from people I am not in a relationship with.  The sad thing about is, I can’t ask no one I am friends with who liked me to stop by, because I am too scared of being touched on and not knowing what to do.  I can’t even hug folks without them being turned on.  It’s a sick world seriously.  Although I’d never let these people know where I live, it be the thoughts sometimes, I just be needing a friend, not to be fcked on.  I can’t deny how people feel, but I wish it wasn’t towards me, this is why deep inside I just want to be loved properly.  I wish people would stop having sex dreams about me and telling me, I gag every time.  And the reason I don’t reply, because when I tell people, its inappropriate it turns into this big deal and I am the bad guy.

I stopped posting on social media, because I don’t like the comments or DMs sometimes and I know that’s weird, but for some reason compliments make me feel weird.  

To end this blog ----

I wish I wasn’t as weak right now.  Feeling numb, is like not caring if you live or die.  Not caring about eating, just existing at this point.  I need to go to the beach, but I can’t see at night.  I want to be loved properly.  I think that’s why it’s hard for me to say, “I love you...” because I know I mean it, but others may not.  “I love you so much...” she said just to tell lies on me and become the victim.  “I love you key...” just to accuse me of messing with your best friend, and interfering with your baby daddy.  Can someone please say, “I love you” without the bullshit being attached.  

[katmoonz]

Depression

Pairing: Wolfstar x Fem!Reader

Word count: 3034

Includes: TW suicidal thoughts, depression, mentions of missing meals, crying, fluff, hugs, angst to fluff, comfort

Do not post any of my work anywhere else!!! I’m fine with reblogs but not with people stealing my work. 

Notes: I have depression, this fic is kinda based off of my experience with depression. I wanted more than anything for someone to notice how badly I was struggling and I was in desperate need of a hug. I can’t change the past but I can write down my thoughts, feelings and what I needed at the time.

Thank you @quindolyn for helping me to fix a couple bits and for helping me decide on the ending xx

Depression is completely unpredictable. You might feel on top of the world one minute and suddenly feel miserable the next. You smile around your friends and family hoping that they don’t notice that anything is wrong but deep down you just want someone to notice, to care, to ask you how you are or just hold you while you cry it all out. You want to die yet you can’t bring yourself to do the actions that would end it all because that scares you even more than living.

Lately, you had been feeling very happy. Remus and Sirius were wonderful boyfriends and would do everything they could to make you laugh or smile. Your favourite moments with Remus are the ones where he decides to cuddle with you, there is nothing more relaxing than just resting your head on his chest and listening to the thump of his heart and his steady breaths.

The best moments with Sirius are when he tries to make up his own jokes, most of the jokes he tries to tell aren’t even funny but that somehow makes it funnier when he tells you a bad one-liner whilst in detention. The sweetest thing about Sirius is that when you least expect it he curls up on the bed and sleeps next to you as Padfoot. It’s the sweetest thing ever waking up in Remus’ arms to Padfoot lying across your chest, Remus just watches over the pair of you with a smile upon his face at seeing his two lovers sleeping so peacefully.

This morning you had woken up and felt like crap, you couldn't quite place it so you skipped breakfast and had a lie-in instead. This caused you to miss your first lesson and most of lunch. You managed to go to your next lesson though which was Charms with your boyfriend Remus.

At first, you tried to concentrate but you felt like a cloud had settled itself over your head causing you to struggle with your work.

You’d been feeling better for a while now but for some reason today had just left you feeling miserable. For the rest of class, you sat with your head in your hand gazing out the window.

Remus could tell that you weren’t paying attention to the class and was starting to grow concerned. “y/n, you okay?” He whispers in your ear.

Not wanting to draw any attention to yourself or bother him, you just nod and force a smile in the hopes that you could pretend that everything was fine.

The bell rang a few minutes later signalling the end of the class period. You had History of Magic next, Remus wasn’t in that class with you but Sirius was. Remus walked you to your next class observing your behaviour.

You weren’t smiling and didn’t speak at all on the way there simply looking at the ground. Remus stopped with you at the classroom door and gave you a soft kiss on the cheek. “Are you sure you’re alright love? You know you can talk to me if something is wrong.”

Looking up at him you sigh. “I’m fine,” you say quietly before turning around and walking into the classroom.

Remus was growing very concerned with your behaviour, something was clearly wrong but you weren’t telling him.

Just then Sirius walks down the corridor. “Moony, decided to switch classes have you?” He jokes.

Not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation Remus grabs his arm and pulls him over to an empty classroom shoving him in the door.

“I need a favour,” said Remus in a serious tone.

“What Moons?” replies Sirius, confused at the sudden change in Remus’ behaviour.

“I need you to watch y/n for me and make sure she’s alright. Something is wrong and I want to help her but she won’t tell me anything.” blurts Remus.

Sirius pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry Remus, I’ll keep an eye on her.” Sirius leaves the empty room and proceeds to walk into the History of Magic classroom.

Sirius seats himself beside you but you don’t notice at first because you are spaced out not paying any attention to the lecture being given by Binns.

You felt like crap to put it simply. You wanted to focus on your classes so badly but your brain was just telling you no.

Your brain is running at a hundred miles an hour making you feel even worse. *I’m going to fail all of my classes. Why am I so useless? Do the boys love me or do they just tolerate me? Nobody loves me, not really. I wish I was dead, why can’t I just die?*

You feel slow tears make their way down your face. You sniffle softly not wanting to bother anyone.

Sirius quickly notices your tears as you sniffle next to him. *Moony is right* thought Sirius *something is very wrong.*

Sirius reaches a hand out to yours underneath the desk and gives it a gentle squeeze as a reminder that he is there for you.

Finally, you have enough of your self-deprecating thoughts and abruptly stand up, grab your things and leave despite only having twenty minutes of class left. Sirius gets up and follows you, grabbing your hand as you leave the room.

The pair of you walk silently through the castle until you get back to the Gryffindor common room. Sirius seats you at the couch in front of the fire before grabbing your bag and chucking it aside.

Sirius sits down next to you as you stare into the ornate fireplace with tears still slowly rolling down your face. “Y/n love, what’s wrong?” He softly asks.

Instead of answering him, you rest your head on his shoulder. Sirius brings his arms around you to pull you into a hug. The pair of you sit like that for a while, listening to the crackle of the fire and your sorrowful sniffles. Sirius simply holds you whilst tears slowly roll down your face.

“I'm sorry, I’m just tired. I think I’m gonna go have a nap” you say softly.

“Alright doll, I’ll see you at dinner then?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you tell him knowing full well that you wouldn’t be in the mood to eat.

Leaving Sirius in the common room you walk up to the boys dorm and throw yourself down on Remus' bed. Grabbing a discarded sweater from Sirius’ bed on the way. You curl up in a ball under the covers on Remus’ bed before letting the tears fall down your face again *why can’t I just feel happy for once in my life? I always fuck everything up, I want to die*

Sirius watches you walk up the stairs to the boys dorm before letting out a sigh and putting his head in his hands. You had never been like this, you were usually so bright and cheerful something bad must have happened because Sirius hadn’t seen even the slightest smile all day.

The bell for the next lesson rings and Sirius remains sitting on the sofa in the common room contemplating what he should tell Remus. He didn’t want to make his friend even more alarmed but he couldn’t hide his feeling of concern for your breakdown in class.

Remus enters the common room behind a babble of second years who were complaining to each other about their homework.

Spotting Sirius on the sofa before the fire he rushes over to sit next to him.

“Where’s y/n? Is she alright?”

Sirius takes a deep breath before sitting back on the sofa. “No, I can see what you mean Rem, she’s very upset.”

“What do you mean?” replies a panicked Remus

Sirius turns to face him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Look mate I don’t want to worry you but in class, she just sat and stared into space, then she started crying and walked out.”

Remus let out a pained sigh and ran his hands down his face before clasping them in his lap. “Is she okay? where is she now?”

“I walked her back here, we had a cuddle for a while then she said that she was just tired so she left to have a nap,” replies Sirius

Remus stands up from the sofa and brushes his sweaty palms off of his trousers, “let's go and check on her.”

Sirius rises off of the sofa too, he turns around and looks around the common room before turning back to Remus. “Maybe she just needs space, she told me she’d come down to dinner so let's just give her some time alone and if she doesn't come to dinner then we can go and check on her.”

Staring into Sirius’ stormy grey irises Remus stays standing for another minute before nodding and sitting back down.

The boys study in the common room for an hour in complete silence, both of them preoccupied with thoughts of their distressed girlfriend. Sirius and Remus then head down to dinner, sitting down at the end of the Gryffindor table closest to the doors so that they could spot you as soon as you walked in.

The boys sit and pick at their food mindlessly for ten minutes continuously watching the door in hope that you’d join them for the meal.

Sirius lets out a deep sigh and drops his fork on his plate rubbing his brow before looking at Remus. Remus looks up at him offering a small smile before standing up. “Come on Pads, our girl needs us”

Sirius quickly stands up and grabs Remus’ hand dragging him out of the great hall. The boys briskly walk hand in hand back to the Gryffindor common room and quickly ascend the stairs to the dorm.

Remus opens the door quietly in case you are sleeping and peers in, he feels his heart break as he catches sight of you. You are lying in his bed fast asleep with puffy eyes from crying.

Remus approaches the bed and sits down on the side closest to you. Gently he starts to stroke your face with his hand whilst gesturing for Sirius to come over to the bed with his other hand. Sirius kneels on the bed next to Remus, reaches out and starts playing with your hair.

Remus watches as you slowly awaken, your eyes fluttering as they adjust to the light in the room. “Darling are you alright?” He asks you softly while rubbing his thumb over your cheek.

You feel your eyes fill with tears but don’t want the boys to see them so you roll over and put your face in the pillow hoping that they leave you alone so that you can compose yourself again.

The boys look at each other trying to figure out what to do next. Remus nods at Sirius gesturing for him to try and get a response from you.

“Baby, why didn’t you come to dinner?” You still don’t respond, making Sirius panic. “Please talk to us, we want to help you.” This makes you feel even worse, they just wanted you to be happy but instead, you’d caused them to leave dinner to look for you.

Your body starts to shake as the tears start rolling down your face. You keep the sobs in not wanting to make them even more worried.

Remus carefully runs a hand over your back worried at the lack of response. “Y/n please talk to us, we love you baby we only want to help you. It’s killing me that you are this upset and we want to be here for you.”

This is the last straw and you lose control of your crying, finally letting out the sobs that had been building up all day.

Remus’ heart breaks even more “Oh baby, come here”. Remus turns you over and carefully pulls you into his lap.

You press your head into Remus’ neck and let out all of the emotion that had been held within you all day.

Sirius sits down next to Remus and yourself at the head of the bed, he runs one hand soothingly up and down your back. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay.”

Your entire body shakes with sobs, tears soak the front of Remus’ sweater whilst the boys continue to make attempts to console you.

Remus rocks you in his arms carefully trying to calm you down. “Shh darlin’ it’s okay”

You start hyperventilating from the force of your sobs, Remus pulls you back from his chest slightly brushing hair away from your face.

Sirius reaches out to you and picks up one of your hands, he brings it up to his chest so that you can feel his steady heartbeat. “I know you're upset baby but you’ve got to breathe. Can you do that for me?”

Sirius breathes in and out slowly emphasising each breath for you to follow. “In...and out, in…and out.” This continues for a few minutes as you try to regulate your breathing.

“Good girl, you’re doing such a good job baby”

The sobs slow down slightly as you regain control over your breathing, tears still fall down your face but not as quickly as before.

Remus cups your face in his hand wiping away stray tears with his thumb before pressing a solitary kiss to your temple. “Y/n, what’s wrong? Please tell us” he begs.

You let out a sigh, opening and shutting your mouth a few times trying to come up with something to tell them.

Sirius notices your hesitation and gives you a reassuring smile. “It’s okay love, you can tell us anything. I promise you that we’ll try to help you and nothing you say can make us love you any less.”

Looking into his eyes you see nothing but love and concern. You sniffle and wipe one of your sleeves across your face. “I don’t know, I just don’t feel good”

Sirius runs a hand through your hair before giving you a sympathetic smile. “Is it that time of the month baby? You feelin’ sick?”

Tears well up in your eyes again. “No” you reply softly “I don’t feel sick”

“Then what is it babe?” asks Sirius with a small frown on his face.

You consider lying to them for a moment not wanting to burden them with your thoughts and emotions but in the end, it’s the pleading expression upon Remus’ face that makes you give in.

You take a deep breath, “sometimes I just feel really sad, like nothing will get better. I feel like no one loves me. I don't want to bother you guys because I don’t want you to leave me.”

The tears fall down your face again as you turn around and put your face back into Remus’ sweater, your fingers have a firm grasp on him as if letting go would make him disappear.

“Please, please don’t leave me, I’m sorry” you beg them as you cry into Remus’ chest.

Remus feels tears well up in his own eyes but swallows them down in order to comfort you. “No no no, sweetheart, it's okay. I promise that we aren’t leaving you.”

Remus holds you even tighter in his arms “I wish you’d told us that you were feeling like this sooner darling. We love you so much”

Sirius sits in silence listening to Remus comfort you before lifting a hand and rubbing your back. “Look at me baby,” he says with a stern tone.

You look up at him, he has a more pronounced frown upon his face than what was there previously but it softens slightly when he realises that you are watching him.

“You need to tell us when you feel like this okay? You aren’t bothering anyone, we just want to help you and we would never leave you over something like this.”

You remain silent looking away from him, the tears slowing down again so all that remains are the odd couple every few seconds.

“Promise you’ll tell us when you feel like this baby?” He asks, holding your face in his hands.

You sniffle softly before agreeing “m’kay, I promise”

“Good girl, you’re such a good girl for telling us baby,” he says fondly before placing a soft kiss on your cheek. As he pulls away from your cheek he gets a mischievous look upon his face. “Hey babe, what do you call a cow with two legs?”

You look at him confused for a minute before saying “I dunno”

He leans in towards you with a grin upon his face as though he is telling you a secret “Lean beef”

This causes you to giggle, Sirius smirks whilst Remus chuckles. The boys are pleased to hear you laugh after having been deprived of such beautiful sounds for an entire day.

“Good one wasn’t it?” He asks with a cocky smirk on his face.

“No” you reply, still slightly giggling.

“No!” He repeats back to you in disbelief. “What do you mean no? I thought it was a good one”

Remus raises an eyebrow looking at Sirius “c’mon Pads, you can do better than that”

“Fine, I’ve got a better one” huffs Sirius. “What does the perverted frog say?”

“I dunno” you reply again trying to keep a straight face.

“Rubbit” he replies.

This joke was much funnier than the last and you burst out in laughter. You have joyous tears of laughter pouring down your face as you giggle until your sides hurt.

After a while you yawn and rub your eyes, Remus smiles affectionately at you before moving you off of his lap changing positions so that you are laying half on Remus’ chest with Sirius spooning you from behind.

“C’mon darling, let's get some sleep,” he says quietly.

Sirius buries his face in the back of your neck before mumbling out a quick “I love you”

You settle down into their embrace, relaxing all of your muscles and just as you are dozing off to sleep you feel Remus run his hand through your hair as he whispers “I love you darling, more than you will ever know.”

[ohbuckie]

from the mind of bucky barnes;

blog posts & journal entries

series

❝ I have been single for eleven days. ❞

❝ I have not spoken to my best friend—my ex-girlfriend, a term which makes me want to throw up—in nine. I haven’t showered in three.

I have never lived by myself before. There were always parents, or roommates, or alleged live-in life-partners. Now, only I exist in the liminal space that is the apartment we picked out together. We searched for weeks to find the perfect one. We had an extra bedroom, because, she said, “you never know what might happen.” I guess you really don’t.

I am bored, with all of this new-found free time. It feels like my plans have been cancelled, only I didn’t actually have any—I just figured that they’d happen. I figured that I would marry her and that she’d pop out a kid or two, but I guess I missed my chance.

I’ve written almost an entire album, and recorded about half of it entirely on my own. I will never release it, because the thought of composing myself for long enough to play these songs live fills me with incomprehensible dread. I will listen to my home-recorded demos and pick them apart and re-record them until I can think of another hobby to pick up (I’ve been told that doing lines off of my nightstand in the dark by myself doesn’t count).

I am hungry always, because I can’t think hard enough to know what I want for dinner. My eyes and nose are red and raw, because when I venture too far onto her side of our bed—my bed now, I guess—I can smell her and I am hit by a wave of sadness that paralyzes me and takes control of my body, forces me to cry and forces those sobs to destroy me physically and leave me weak and sore and exhausted when it’s all over.

I am packing away my life currently so that I can move back in with my mom and sister. I’m embarrassed that they’ll see me like this, because I’ve never been this bad.

I keep thinking of the tattoo of my initials that exists on her left hip, and the spot on her ribcage where my right hand would always end up when she was in my lap. I think of the clothes of mine that she would wear, and the makeup that she would leave on the bathroom counter, and the way that she would play with my hair absentmindedly whenever it was available to her.

I don’t know where to find drugs in New York. My townie friends sell weed, I know that, but that’s not what I’m looking for.

I wonder if I will bump into my ex-girlfriend or old hookups from high school—at the grocery store, or the pharmacy, or the gas station. I think that if I do, I’ll make some unhealthy decisions.

Once I close my laptop I will pack a bowl before tucking away now-empty picture frames and throwing boxes of tampons and packages of cotton rounds into bags for donation because I can’t handle feeling her presence, especially not while I’m sober.

My sister is upset with me because she’s gone. My mom is too, but she won’t say it. My friends have all tried desperately to get me to leave my house. My flight is in three days and I’m not even close to being finished packing my apartment to put into storage for God knows how long. I can’t wait to leave this city. ❞

[captains-simp]

@tomy5girls

Fhskdhwksnsns I accidently posted this before I was done writing it 🤡🤡🤡

I love Wanda so the first part took me ages to write but writing soft Carol made this either the messiest or best fic I've ever written

"Do I mean that little to you?"

"Was it all a lie?"

"I think I'm inlove with you."

Warnings: cheating and me fucking around with the MCU timeline regarding when characters are introduced

6.7k words

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your relationship with Wanda had always been far from perfect. It was evenings like that difficult one that made you reflect on just how many red flags you had ignored. You had chosen to live your life with her in blissful ignorance, thinking it would work out.

But as time went on there were things that were harder to ignore. Things that hurt you to notice, both about Wanda and yourself. You thought they would go away. They only ever got worse.

That night was the final straw. You couldn't deny the issues that had been growing like weeds in your relationship for a year when you walked into your appartment to see Wanda's head between another girl's legs.

You didn't feel mad. Or upset. You felt empty. Empty at the long awaited realisation that you had committed to the wrong thing.

You didn't say anything, too shocked to know what to say and not knowing if you would even be capable of stringing a sentence together.

The woman's eyes flickered open and met yours and in that brief moment you saw the familiar look of lust before it turned to fear. She roughly pushed Wanda away as she looked anywhere but you and moved away from your soon to be ex girlfriend.

Wanda gave her a questioning look before whipping her head around to see you after following the woman's uncontaminated glances. She stood up instantly and straightened her shirt while the woman on the couch got dressed.

"You're home." Was the first thing Wanda said. Yeah. You were definetly done.

"I am." Your mouth was dryer than sandpaper but you somehow managed to say that.

"I should..." The woman muttered as she awkwardly glanced between you and Wanda before rushing past you and out the door.

Neither you nor Wanda spoke for a while. You were still looking at her, searching for any signs of...anything. She didn't meet your eye. She made no attempt to defend herself. To defend your relationship. It was downright heartbreaking.

You needed to sit down, but there was no way you were sitting where Wanda had just been. Not that knowing what Wanda had done on that couch had bothered you before.

You left the hallway to wander aimlessly towards your bedroom, knowing you weren't the only one Wanda had fucked in that bed, but you had never had to see that.

She followed you into the room, more trailing really. There was no urgency to her pace and she still didn't speak. Did she really not care?

You sat down on the bed and stared at the floor, mot knowing what to feel. Wanda didn't sit next to you. She made no move to comfort you. You didn't need comfort, not from her. You needed an explanation.

"When did it start?" You wanted to ask how many, but you already knew the truth would hurt too much. The ones you knew about were enough.

"I don't know." Wanda huffed. She sounded frustrated, as though you were wasting her time. That finally pissed you off.

"I deserve an explanation, Wanda." You said clearly, keeping your voice surprisingly steady as you looked up at her. She still didn't look back.

"What's done is done." She said simply.

"Do I mean that little to you?" Tears sprung to your eyes as you said that. Wondering for the first time if Wanda had really ever cared about you.

When Wanda finally looked at you you wished she hadn't. Her eyes were full of pity, watching you like a stray puppy in the rain. She moved forward and sat down next to you on the edge of the bed.

"I loved you." You didn't fail to notice the past tense, it cut through you like a knife. "But I wasn't ready." You had started dating so soon after Ultron. At the time you knew Wanda was grieving badly, you had questioned if it was best for her to dive into a relationship the way she had in that state.

Her self-confidence and driven nature always put your mind to rest. There were red flags before the relationship had even started.

"When you realised that...you didn't have to stay." Your voice wavered slightly.

"I know that." God the pitifulness was even in her voice.

"So why did you?" You held your breath waiting for that an answer. Wanda took a few seconds to consider that, like she wasn't quite sure herself.

"I like being around you." She sounded truthful, but you didn't allow yourself to believe her.

"When you weren't around them." You couldn't help the bitter tone that crept into your voice. Wanda didn't like that. Thinking she actually had any right to be mad at you.

"Oh for the- we had fun, didn't we? It's not like it was a complete waste of our time!" She exclaimed, standing up to face you.

"I wasn't dating you for fun, Wanda. It was so much more than that. I wasn't just someone for you to fuck like all of those girls, I was your girlfriend!" You felt proud at what you had said. You were right. About all of it. You were especially right to use the past tense. Something you didn't think you could manage to do. But that pride was short lived.

"You were a distraction!" You froze. Every fibre of your being turning ice cold from her words. You and Wanda stared at each other for felt like an eternity. She didn't take it back. There was an unreadable expression painted on her face. You knew it wasn't regret.

That's all you ever were to her? A distraction? Everything you thought you had...

"Was it all a lie?" You whispered. You hated the question. You would hate the answer. But you had to know.

Wanda's expression faulted and for a second the pitifulness returned. It was quickly pushed to the side when she spoke again, remaining stoic.

"Call it what you want." You bit the inside of your mouth in an attempt to stop your bottom lip trembling as you finally looked away.

"I'd like you to go. We're done." You whispered, turning away from her.

She left without another word. Her boots thudding against the floor as she walked away in the purposeful way she failed to show you that night.

The door to your appartment clicked shut before you broke down into tears.

*

You had gotten a hotel room that night, unable to stay in your own home. You couldn't lay in your bed without wondering how many people had been in it. Wondering how fewer it would have been if you had just confronted Wanda about it when you first knew. But you didn't, and those months of heartbreak were finally coming to the surface.

You arranged for time off of work once you got back to your appartment. Once that was done you flipped over the couch cushions, retrieved your toasted pop tarts and sat down to watch your comfort show under a bundle of blankets.

It worked for a while. The plates (yes plural) full of pop tarts and the hours of TV took the edge off of the numbness you were feeling. That was until a text from Carol brought you back to reality.

Care Bear: you okay?

You smiled a little. Carol was definetly something that would provide you with comfort, living up to her nickname as always. But she worked with Wanda, and the last thing you wanted was to make her life awkward.

Carol was your best friend. She was Wanda's friend too. That was how you had met. After Ultron Carol had introduced you to Wanda at one of Tony's parties. She had even been a wingwoman for Wanda, you pondered over what Carol would do if she knew Wanda had cheated.

The blonde had always been protective of you. It was sweet. Especially the small acts she never even noticed she did. Like standing closer to you when you were in a room full of self righteous jerks. Always being the one to catch you when you tripped over thin air, even if she was preciously on the other side of the room. Knowing when you were uncomfortable in social situations and casually taking you away from them in the most subtle manner that didn't cause a scene. You had never been able to confide in anyone like you could with her. Not even Wanda, although that was probably because she never shared either.

You: 👍 :)

Care Bear: --_--

Care Bear: Wanda's here

You bit your lip as your thumbs danced over the keyboard; evaluating the best response. You were surprised Wanda was even at the Avenger's headquarters. You had assumed she would be spending her nights with random hookups for a while rather than just one night. She finally had the full freedom to do that but she went back to the Avenger's Headquarters instead?

You: she okay?

Care Bear: I haven't seen her since she went to her room, doesn't seem to be in a talkative mood

Care Bear: you guys okay? 👀

Carol never liked to pry into yours and Wanda's relationship. She always let you confide in her. But in the cases where it was obvious something had happened between you, she checked in on you in the least subtle ways. Carol was smooth in a lot of way, but that was not one of them. It had become a joke between you and Carol ended up embracing it.

You: we broke up

Care Bear: CHSKSBSKSBAMZBMZDBAL

Care Bear: I'm on my way!!

Care Bear: or I can give you space to mope?

You couldn't help but smile at Carol's messages. Your reply was instant. You would love to have Carol binge shows and eat trash food with you.

You: come mope with me :(

Carol confirmed she was on her way less than a minute later and you got up to toast the last of your pop tarts and get a drink.

You weren't sure how soon Carol arrived on your balcony. You were sure very few things had made you happier than the sight of your goofy friend proudly holding up a multipack of poptarts while dressed in her sweatpants and goose t-shirt. The shirt was one you had gifted her for Christmas one year and if she wasn't wearing her Captain Marvel uniform, she was most likely wearing that shirt.

You got up to open the sliding door for her as you suppressed a chuckle. Carol appearing on your balcony without warning had stopped scaring you around the ninth time it happened. That was about the time you stopped trying to convince her to just use the stairs like everyone else.

As soon as she was in your appartment she threw the box to the couch and enveloped you in a bear hug. You wrapped your arms around her middle and closed your eyes as you held onto her. You smiled at the familiar smell of vanilla and cat hairs, being so easily comforted by it.

"Are you okay?" She muttered into your shoulder.

"I am." You said truthfully. You hadn't slept well the previous night, even at the hotel. You had cried for a while. But the next day you had felt better, as though a weight had been lifted from.your chest. You were still hurting, but you would be just fine.

Carol pulled away and rested her hands on your shoulders as she studied you, trying to find any evidence of a lie. Upon finding none she nodded and smiled at you kindly. That was something you loved about Carol. She never pitied you, even when the worst happened. She was sympathetic and supportive and never condescending. 

"What are we watching?" Carol asked as she picked up the box on the couch and took it over to your toaster. She knew you wouldn't want to talk about Wanda yet. She would wait for you to bring it up. Until then, she would act as though you were moping because you were sick rather than the reality.

You replied to her with your comfort show that she had grown familiar with and sat back down on the couch with the blanket over you. Carol soon returned with two plates of pop tarts (it wasn't like you had eaten anything else) and two hot chocolates. What you really craved was some alcohol but you decided to leave that till later on.

Your blonde friend sat back down next to you when you lifted the blanket for her. She instantly brought her legs up under her and put her arm around you. You easily leant into her and rested your head on her shoulder before she leant her own head on yours.

Neither of you spoke for a while. Carol occasionally laughed at something on the TV and you found yourself smiling at the sound of her laughter more than the show. It had always been contagious.

Wait. Should you of been smiling that much for someone who had walked in on their girlfriend cheating less than 24 hours prior? Probably not. But then again. You had seen it coming. All the signs prior had softened the blow.

"You alright?" Carol asked again as a whisper as she pretended to keep most of her focus on the show.

You hummed in response and fiddled with the edge of the blanket for a while until you spoke.

"She cheated." You muttered. You could feel Carol freeze. Her whole body tensed up making her as stiff as a plank. Her shoulder wasn't as comfy when that happened. "But it's okay." You assured.

Carol took ahold of both your empty plates and placed them on the table before turning her body towards you so she could see you better.

"That's never something that can just be 'okay', y/n." Carol said in a gentle tone.

"I know but...I already knew before... before I saw." You could hear Carol breathing heavily as you avoided her gaze.

"Christ, y/n." She whispered. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I don't know I just...I guess I thought if I ignored it it would go away." Upon reflection you really weren't sure why you never addressed it.

Carol didn't say anything at that. You glanced up nervously to see her looking deep in thought, trying to understand what you meant. Carol was never one to hope things would go away. Her life as a hero had taught her to comfront every obstacle she faced.

"And you saw her..."

"Yeah, I did. I thought I could handle knowing what she was doing behind my back but actually seeing it...it was hard." Carol breathed out hard as though she had been holding her breath and pulled you into another of her infamous bear hugs. You wrapped your arms around her again and squeezed your eyes shut.

The blonde gently stroked your back in soothing circles until you moved away, not wanting to but knowing Carol wouldn't move away first and Lord knows how long you would have ended up staying like that.

"And you're really feeling okay about it?" Carol asked with a slightly furrowed brow, reading your face for any trace of a lie as you spoke.

"Yeah." You smiled assuringly. You didn't feel like telling Carol the rest. About how you had only ever been a distraction to Wanda. But there was something else you wanted to admit. "It was for the best." You started. Carol could tell something more was coming so she sat up a little straighter to show you you had her full attention. "Even before I figured out I what she was doing things just didn't feel entirely right with Wanda. She was great, but it always felt like something was missing." Carol didn't show any reaction to that. She seemed surprisingly stoic, like she was trying to suppress something. You figured it was probably just that she was thinking about what you had said.

"Enough about all that though." You said when Carol hadn't spoken. "You never got to tell me about your super amazing mission last month." Carol's eyes lit up at the mention of her successful mission.

There were some missions she wasn't allowed to talk about. Some she could. And some she could eventually talk about. Her last one was the latter and once she was clear to tell you about it she did, in great detail and the most animated way. It had been one of her best missions and you were incredibly proud. But you were interrupted by a false alarm at the Headquarters before she could finish.

You loved hearing about Carol's work that she was passionate about. You loved hearing how she could handle herself out there. Recalling some of those missions put your mind to rest when you hadn't heard from her in a long time. And you needed the distraction. Carol knew that.

You listened to Carol intently with a smile but the stress and upset of the previous events had you suddenly feeling very tired. Your eyelids began to feel very heavy and your head became empty as you felt yourself drifting off to sleep.

*

You woke up in your own bed, beyond comfused. You couldn't remember getting into bed or falling asleep. Still in a half asleep state, you tried to recall the events of the night until you remembered Carol. Had she carried you to bed? Had she left?

Your heart ached at the thought that your best friend wasn't there. Refusing to believe it, you wrapped your duvet tightly around you and trudged out of your room.

She was sleeping soundly on your couch with the blanket you had been curled up together under. You smiled at the sight of her looking so peaceful, taking a moment to consider yourself the luckiest person alive to have a friend as caring as Carol.

You came back to your sense when you realised how creepy it felt to be standing over your best friend and staring at her sleep, not to mention how freaked out she would be if she awoke to your duvet covered silhouette. But you didn't want to leave her side.

Carol stirred when she felt you kneeling on the couch. Countless nights of sleeping next to her had taught you she was a fairly light sleeper. You were thankful that she wasn't startled by you kneeling over her as you adjusted your blanket.

"Y/n?" She muttered as she rubbed her eyes to try to see you better.

"Go back to sleep." You murmmered back before laying down on her stomach and holding the duvet over you both.

You felt so at home in her arms. She didn't protest to you and instead wrapped her arms around your back and closed her eyes again with a content smile.

You rested your head in the crook of her neck and soon drifted back to sleep. Carol, on the other hand, struggled to sleep for a while. You had slept in the same bed before, countless times, but you had never been so close together when you did. It had never felt so intimate.

It was making the butterflies that had started arriving years ago whenever you were around dance around happily. As much as Carol tried to ignore them, her feelings for you only ever grew.

*

Over the next few days Carol visited you a lot. You had always been happy to spend time with your friend, but in those days you appreciated her company even more. In fact you were pretty sure you craved it.

She checked in on you often and stayed the night when you asked her to. You tried not to be too clingy with your friend, knowing she had a busy life and a lot of responsibilities to take care of and you didn't want to keep her away from her hero life.

It made the moments you could spend with her even better. You had always had that thought process with Carol, but it was enhanced since the night you slept ontop of her on the couch - something she never commented on.

You mainly spent your time together in your appartment, but on that day Carol had another idea.

"I promise it's safe." Carol grinned at you as you looked over your balcony for the umpteenth time in the last five minutes. You never really realised how high the sixth floor was until your friend was encouraging you to jump off your balcony with her.

"You need to get out of that appartment." Carol insisted.

"I could go on a walk to do that! You know...like a normal person." Carol laughed at your defiance to try what she had offered.

"Just five minutes, you'll love it." Carol said genuinely as she took ahold of your hand. You had never realised how her hands seemed to fit perfectly in your own before. You smiled at the sensation of a slight tingling in your hand upon contact with Carol's.

"Ease off." You giggled, shaking Carol's hand.

"I'm not doing anything." Carol protested earnestly, giving you a comfused look. You gulped and tried not to think about what the feeling was. "If you don't like it I'll bring you right back, you're safe with me - the Strongest Avenger." She said with a cocky grin, she had heard someone say it once and it went straight to her head. You rolled your eyes at her with a smile then paused, biting your lip as you considered the offer properly.

"Okay." You breathed out.

"Okay?" Carol asked with an excited grin.

"What the hell, sure!" You exclaimed. Carol chuckled and went to stand behind you. The material of her suit pressed against your bare arms and made you shiver slightly, you assumed from nerves. Carol had told you you didn't need to wear a jacket or coat, claiming her powers would keep you warm.

She wrapped her arms around your waist to hold you tightly against her and you gripped onto her forearms, not being able to stop yourself smiling.

"You ready?" Carol asked as the yellow swirls started to surround Carol and heat up your back and stomach. Blue and red glimmers occasionally appeared amongst the swirls and you tried not to get too distracted by the beauty of Carol's powers.

The next thing you knew your feet were slowly leaving the ground until the tips of your shoes were an inch away from the floor. You felt weightless and couldn't help but laugh a little at the absurdity that you were floating on thin air.

"Okay?" Carol checked.

"Okay." You confirmed.

As soon as the word left your mouth you felt like you were being catapulted through the air. Wind whipped your hair across your face and everything was a blur. All you could focus on was the whirling colours and Carol's strong grip on your waist.

You were going directly upwards for a few seconds until Carol eased you both forwards slightly, angled so you could finally take in your surroundings.

The speed at which you had been going to get so high in such a short amount of time was insane. It was impossible to know exactly how high up you were, all you knew was the faint clouds in the nighttime sky were closer to you than the ground. A lot closer.

The small gaps amongst the thin layers of clouds gave a glimpse at the stars that shimmered above you. The view below was just as breath-taking.

The city was lit up by the lights emitting from each building, each playing a part in the beautiful display. The lights shimmered and twinkled just as the stars did, the two very different worlds having the same beauty from such a height.

As Carol leveled herself out more you felt your legs drop infront of you and away from Carol. Your grip on the hero tightened in response to the new position.

"Do you trust me?" Carol asked carefully. You nodded, not knowing what your friend was planning but knowing you would go along with whatever she had planned.

One moment Carol had her reassuring grip on your waist, guiding you through the night air, and the next she was gone. You plummeted through the air in an instant, a silent scream escaping your throat. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly, not wanting to see the world spinning as you fell, but as soon as you were falling you were safe again.

You landed on Carol's back surprisingly lightly. You blinked a few times in shock, not understanding what had happened until you realised that Carol was flying horizontally and the position allowed you both to have a much better view and in a better position.

You sighed with a grin as stared down at the city in awe, your eyes occasionally flickering up to the dark sky. You rested your head in the crook of Carol's neck and wrapped your arms around her front, easing into her as easily as you had that night on the couch.

It was the happiest you had felt in such a long time. You felt safe with Carol, even from such a dangerous height and the whole event had you feeling more relaxed and content than you could ever remember.

A warmth spread over your body as the pair of you gently flew over the city. While you wanted to believe it was from Carol's powers, you knew deep down that that wasn't it. Because you had had that warmth for Carol on the coldest nights, you had had it when she was on the other side of the room, it had been there for as long as you could remember. And it was only getting stronger.

*

It didn't take anymore encouragement to get back into your usual way of life without any issues. Thanks to Carol there didn't seem to be much difference. The times that you would have been spending with Wanda you spent with Carol. She knew you were okay and that you didn't need her to mope around with you anymore - not that you had really ended up doing that together much. But you wanted her with you; she seemed to want to be with you too.

While you had slept in the same bed multiple times since you had on the couch, you never cuddled close to her like you did before. You knew that if you did that warmth would return. You knew, deep down, what it meant. However you had no idea if Carol's feelings for you were anything more than platonic, it was a line you weren't willing to cross, so you pushed those feelings to the side as much as you could.

Despite your efforts, those mornings you woke up next to your friend you found that you had your head resting on her shoulder or an arm hooked around her waist or one of your legs tangled with hers. She never seemed to mind, in fact one time you could have sworn you saw her eyes drop when you separated yourself from her. You told yourself you were just seeing things that weren't there.

So one night when Carol casually invited you to an Avenger's party you almost choked on your popcorn. You had always gotten along with the team - ever since the mix up on the mission that had led you to meet them and Carol. You had been to a fair few of those parties in the time you had been friends, but that party would be different.

Carol had assured you that no one else on the team knew exactly what had happened between you and Wanda. Your friend knew you didn't want people knowing and Wanda wasn't about to announce it, all the team knew was that you had broken up.

"You don't have to." Carol said quickly. "Wanda will be there." She informed in unimportant fact kind of way. "I just thought it would be nice for you to see everyone again. They miss you."

"They do?" Even thought you had known the Avengers for years, you still couldn't help but be a insecure before seeing them. You didn't have any powers or training. You always wondered what you could possibly bring to their table. Those worries were always put to rest once you were settled in, the smiles on their faces and laughter they emitted when you saw them was hard to fake. Besides, it wasn't like they had any reason to fake it.

You very quickly stopped being insecure when it came to Carol though. You had spent so much time together and knew each other so well that you never worried what she thought of you. She reminded you often of the traits she loved so much, it had been something you had started.

"I'd love to go." You smiled at Carol then went back to the screen. You never liked to make things awkward with exes. It wasn't like you and Wanda were going to become best buddies any time soon, but you were determined to be civil. You just hoped she would be too.

"Great." Carol concluded after studying you for a bit, wanting to be absolutely sure that it was what you wanted. "I'll pick you up at eight on Saturday."

"It's in two days?" You exclaimed, turning to Carol with a horrified expression.

"It is?" Carol confirmed in a not-too-sure tone, not understanding what the big deal was.

"Jeeze, Carol, give a girl a better warning next time." You huffed as you leant back against the couch. The blonde chucked next to you and muttered an apology.

Carol continued watching the film she had put on while you planned when and where you would get an outfit. You knew the dress code of those parties, that wouldn't be an issue, but part of you wanted to match with Carol.

"What are you going to wear?" You asked casually.

"Haven't decided yet."

Damn. You would just have to wing it.

*

Carol knocked on your door at exactly eight o'clock on the night of the party. You were startled at the sound of it at first, not expecting her to actually use the door for once.

You opened the door with a wide grin on your face but felt as though you had the breath knocked out of you when you saw your friend. She was wearing a tailored dark y/f/c suit with a neat white blouse. Her hair was slightly tossled and hung loose around her shoulders. It all went perfectly with her familiar warm smile. She looked beautiful.

Carol's outfit was strikingly similar to your own y/f/c dress that was a much lighter tone but the similarity was still there.

"H-hey." You stuttered as you continued to take in her outfit.

"Hey yourself." Carol grinned smugly, not oblivious to your stare.

"You look...really...amazing." You couldn't help but say. It was the truth.

"You look really amazing too." Carol said a lot more easily than you did. You giggled and stepped out of your appartment and locked it.

"Milady." Carol said in a terrible English accent as she offered her arm for you to hold.

"Milord." You went along and put your arm easily through hers before you started walking down the hallway, unable to contain your smile at the childish and loveable act.

*

When you arrived at the party you were bombarded with people wanting to talk to Carol. You had grown used to that, but it was still a downer when you wanted to stay by Carol, at least for a while.

Eventually, you were summoned away from your friend by the Avengers who were eager to catch up with you after so long.

"How've you been?" Nat asked with a welcoming hug as she outstretched her arms I'm an open hug.

"I've been pretty great." You replied honestly as you hugged her tightly. There was no one you were closer to than Carol, but Nat was someone you considered a friend without a doubt.

"What about you?" You asked genuinely as you pulled away.

"Same old." Nat smiled in her familiar way she saved for those she knew rather than the strangers in the room she had to play nice with.

You talked to Nat for a while as though nothing had changed. You hadn't seen Wanda and you had no idea where she was and no one mentioned her. You were thankful there wasn't any tension around the group. They all talked to you in the same way they always had with the exception of them asking about Carol more. You kept missing their knowing smiles hidden behind their drinks.

After a while you and Tony had your own convosation and it seemed as though being around the others was the only kind of self control he had when it came to refraining talking about relationships. As soon as you two were left alone he didn't hesitate to start saying what he had been thinking.

"Hey, don't get me wrong, you and Wanda seemed great, but I always thought it would be you and Carol who would end up together." Tony said as though he was voicing a passing thought.

"Me and Carol?" You tried to ask smoothly. Admittedly you had been thinking a lot about what it would be like to date Carol. You couldn't seem to stop your mind wandering at night to imagining scenarios with her in which you were dating. It always made you smile so your cheeks hurt until you reminded yourself it wasn't real. Carol would never see you that way, would she?

"Well I didn't see it until Nat pointed it out. Then we actually all kind of assumed you were dating before you and Wanda became a thing." Tony continued in his casual manner before taking another sip of his drink.

"Really?" You looked over at Nat who was talking to Carol. Nat seemed as though she was trying to convince Carol to do something because the blonde had the conflicked look upon her face that always appeared when she had been thinking long and hard about something.

"You certainly acted like it." Tony snickered as he followed your line of sight. As if on cue, Carol and Nat glanced your way and a heat began to grow along your neck at the feeling of embarrassment at being caught staring.

Nat had a small smirk playing along her lips while Carol mirrored your expression guiltily.

You missed Tony and Nat exchanging knowing smiles. You missed the way Carol's cheeks became tinted pink too.

"Excuse me." Tony said as he put a hand gently below your shoulder before walking off in the direction Nat had also departed too.

You smiled at Carol and wandered towards her place on the balcony, glad that she turned around entirely to face you. Unfortunately the blush on her cheeks had faded by the time you would have been close enough to spot it.

"Enjoying the party?" Carol asked as you stepped out onto the balcony and leant against the railing.

"I am." You said certainly. The blonde turned to copy your position so you could both gaze out at the buildings below you. The view you had gotten with Carol was undefeated, but the Avengers tower provided something special too.

"I told you they missed you." Carol grinned as she nudged your side with her elbow.

"Yeah." You blushed and peered down at the railing.

"I don't know about you but my shoes are killing me and I think I've talked to enough of these guests to bore me to death twice over." Carol sighed with a childish smile. You grinned back and nodded.

"You want to stay at mine tonight?" You asked hopefully.

"I'd love to." Carol's smile grew as you held her arm out for you to link your arm through again.

"Milady." The hero said with the same terrible English accent.

"Milord." You mocked as you put your arm through hers easily.

Maybe Tony was onto something.

*

That night when Carol took the same place she always did in her home that was as much hers as it was yours, you couldn't focus on the movie playing on the screen. You couldn't focus on anything except the blonde beside you.

You had your head resting on her shoulder and everytime you moved to get your drink and turned back to her your eyes instantly strayed to her lips, images of kissing her filling your head.

You remembered the night she moped with you after your breakup and how she had been the best friend you could ask for. Except you didn't want Carol to be just your friend. You wanted her to be more.

Your mind had been racing since since party, considering what Tony had said to you and how true it was. You and Carol really had always acted like a couple. You had never thought anything of it, even when Carol did it considerably less when you were dating someone.

Because you had been in more than just one relationship in the time you been friends with Carol. None of them ever felt right. You always thought there was something missing. Something that the next person would fix. No one ever could though. Because what you had been looking had been right infront of you the whole time.

All those feelings that had come bubbling to the surface the couple of weeks prior, they had been there all along. Christ, you were such an idiot.

"Carol..." You whispered, more afraid of what you were about to say than anything before. You wanted to back out. You didn't want to mess up what you had with Carol, but you had never been so sure of something than you were for your feelings for Carol in your entire life.

"Yeah?" She said softly.

"I think..." You held your breath and you could have sworn Carol did too. "I think I'm inlove with you." The blonde froze for a solid minute. Neither of you spoke. Tears threatened to come to the surface as you realized what you had done.

Eventually, Carol put her bowl of popcorn down and slowly turned towards you. You didn't dare meet her eye, instead playing with the edge of the blanket over you both and hoping it would trigger a sink hole beneath you.

"You do?" She whispered. You nodded and bit your lip in an attempt to hold back your tears. Carol lifted your chin gradually so you were looking at her. She had an unreadable expression.

"I love you too." You half laughed half sighed in relief as a smile spread across your face and the tears finally sprung free.

"Yeah?" You choked out. Carol instantly cupped your face and wiped your tears off of your cheeks as she smiled back at you.

"Yeah!" She giggled. "I've wanted to say that for so long." She admitted in a rush.

"Why didn't you? It could have saved us so much time!" You exclaimed and gently punched her arm.

"I was scared, even with Nat trying to convince me to say something." Carol explained, it was her turn to look away in embarrassment but you quickly pulled her back the way she did.

"That's really sweet, I'm here now." You assured genuinely.

Carol smiled back at you as her eyes glanced down at you lips. You grinned at the obviousness of what she was thinking and bravely closed the gap between you. After that prompt Carol eagerly met you half way and smiled into your long overdue kiss. Her lips were so so soft and moved against like a perfected dance. When you pulled away for air you rested your forehead against hers and breathed heavily with a heart filled smile.

"We have to do that more often." Carol said as her hands landed on your waist.

"We absolutely do." You agreed before pulling her into another kiss, engraving the memory of that night into your mind forever.

[peridot-dreams]

beautiful people | shawn mendes

Shawn sees a familiar face at the awards show, and learns the value of realness.

The setting sun leaves the Hollywood sky pink and full of possibilities. Shawn finds himself looking out the window at it, still in a daze after the events that had unfolded that day. He’d won several awards for a song he was proud of. He thinks of the look on his parents’ faces in the audience when his name was announced and smiles. That’s who I do this all for, he thinks to himself.

His limousine rolls up the venue. It’s already teeming with people, Lamborghinis, and cameras. Shawn is used to such commotion, but the second he opens the car door, he’s bombarded with excessive noise - noise so loud that he can barely hear himself think.

He’s still riding his post-awards high when he walks in, still dressed in the same red carpet outfit as before. He has a girl on his arm, but not by choice - rather, an unfortunate PR stunt planned terribly and executed even worse. He greets his celebrity friends as he passes by, offering a small smile and a thank you when they congratulate him on his win.

He’s just about to ask the girl on his arm if she’d like to come with him to the drink bar when he sees a flash of silver in the corner of his eye. Shawn realizes who had just walked past him; he feels his heart began to pound in his chest and his breathing gets shallow. “Sorry, can I go to the bathroom?” he tells the girl on his arm, not bothering to wait for a response. He detaches himself and follows the silver blur, around a corner and into a dark hallway.

The silver blur is standing in the dark, scrolling aimlessly on her phone. Shawn sighs and takes in the sight: the silver dress on her is absolutely stunning. Her hair and her makeup is perfect; he feels lost in her presence, stunned by her beauty. He’s never seen her like this, and it only adds to the pain of it all. His mother had once said that losing a best friend is worse than a break up and right now he completely understands what his mother meant.

“Y/N,” he breathes. When she looks up, he feels like running away - she’s looking at him as if he’s the dirt under her silver heels. He wishes she would stop, that she would run to him and hug him and make everything alright between them again. She’s standing right in front of him but he misses her, misses everything about their friendship and support for each other.

“What do you want, Mendes?” she mutters under her breath. She turns her attention back to her phone, tapping her toe incessantly. Shawn can’t stand the sound of her heel hitting the ground because he remembers that she tends to fidget when she’s upset; the clacking sound is only a reminder of their friendship that had crashed and burned for reasons Shawn still fails to understand.

“Why do you hate me so much?” Shawn blurts out. “I don’t get it, Y/N. We used to be best friends, and one day you just started hating me and I still don’t understand why.”

“Because,” Y/N spits, shoving her phone into her bag. “Because you’re like them now.”

“Who’s ‘them’?”

“All those fake people out there!” Y/N exclaims, her eyes glancing over to the party-goers with a disgusted look plastered on her face. Shawn feels her gaze coming back to him, judging and critical. He feels like he could wither under her stare like a plant in a drought. “Shawn, you’ve changed. You used to be so down to earth, so genuine, but now you’re caught up in the money and fame and corporate bullshit.”

“Am not!” Shawn crosses his arms as he unconsciously clenches his teeth. “That’s such bull-”

“Shawn, you’re the epitome of fake. You’re in a fucking PR relationship.”

“W-What-”

“Don’t even try to argue. It’s so obvious and even your fans know what’s going on.”

Shawn closes his eyes. He wishes that he could argue with her, but arguing in the dark hallway outside of an after party wasn’t the ideal setting to do so. From the outside looking in, he knows it looks like he’s changed but he needs her to know that it’s not true. He needs his best friend back in his life again.

“Look,” Shawn speaks, taking a deep breath. “Let’s ditch this party. I know you don’t like these kinds of events anyway, so I don’t even know why you’re here…”

“My manager made me come.”

“Right. Whatever, let’s just sneak out. Let’s hang out like we used to, okay? I’ve missed you.”

“Don’t you need to get back to fake-dating your ‘girlfriend’?” Y/N snaps, giving Shawn the most sarcastic air quotes she can muster.

“No, fuck that,” he says. Against his better judgment, he takes her hand in his. He’s relieved when she doesn’t try to yank her hand back. “Let’s just go.”

✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Thirty minutes later, Shawn finds himself sitting across from Y/N at a dingy old diner on the other side of Hollywood. He watches as she twirls the straw in her chocolate milkshake. She hasn’t said more than three words to him since they left the party, and Shawn feels like trying to salvage their friendship is pointless at this point. Shawn knew from their now-dead friendship that Y/N was a champion at holding grudges - he just never expected to find himself at the other end of one.

“So how’ve you been?” Shawn asks softly. He wants to kick himself for how awkward and nervous he sounds, but he hopes that Y/N will take his nerves as a sign of his genuine interest in rekindling their friendship.

“Fine,” she mumbles. She takes a tiny sip of her chocolate shake. “Slow year.”

Shawn knows that isn’t true. He Googles her name every few weeks and watches every single interview she appears in on YouTube. Y/N’s acting career had taken off in the past few years, and she’d been getting tons of lead roles in TV shows and movies lately. He always gets a pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach when he sees pictures of her with friends on Instagram, because he knows full well that it could have been him travelling the world with her, experiencing new things with her.

He doesn’t tell her that he’s been keeping tabs on her. “Yeah,” Shawn mutters. “Okay.”

The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. It doesn’t help that the diner is completely empty, save for the old man who owns it and is busy complaining about how “millenials are killing the restaurant business” under his breath. Shawn tries to focus on the owner’s mutterings, desperately wanting to think about something other than the fact that Y/N is totally not into him or the conversation that he’s been trying to keep going.

“I don’t hate you, by the way.”

Shawn’s head snaps up to look at her, eyes wide with shock. “Well, you stopped talking to me out of the blue, so I just assumed you did.”

“Well, I don’t.” She stops twirling her milkshake straw and drops her hands into her lap. She meets his gaze, eyes still hard and lips pressed together in a straight line. “You’ve just...changed.”

“I think we’ve both changed.”

“No.” She shakes her head, letting out an indignant laugh. Shawn winces at the sharpness of her tone. “You’re the one who started doing brand deals, ripping off fans with overpriced tickets and merch, signing PR contracts and betraying your fans…”

“Y/N.” Shawn’s hands are starting to shake; he rubs his thighs over his jeans in an attempt to calm himself down. Her words are cutting deeper than a knife; he can barely stand it.

“You’ve completely betrayed your fans, Shawn. You’ve sold them out to every company that has approached you, taken advantage of their trust. Damn it Shawn, you’re even endorsing overpriced water now, like how stupid is-”

“That wasn’t fucking me!” Shawn slams his hand on the table. The old man stops mumbling about millenials and looks in fear at the angry boy. Y/N is barely fazed, her hard glare still targeting Shawn.

“Oh really?” She narrows her eyes at him. “‘Cause your ass is everywhere these days, every time I turn on the TV-”

“Do you remember how my career started?”

Y/N stops for a second, but rolls her eyes immediately after. “Yeah, at some overpriced convention marketed towards prepubescent teenagers.”

“Before MAGCON,” Shawn interrupts. His eyes plead with her to understand, to see where he’s coming from. “I was just a kid, sitting in my room with a guitar. Singing cover songs and making six second videos even though no one was listening. Because I felt like it. Because it made me happy.”

“Yeah. I remember.”

“Yeah. That’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.” A sigh leaves Shawn’s mouth; his eyes drop to his lap as he tries to calm his shaking hands and voice. He’s never felt so heated in his life, like every emotion is about to burst out of his chest. “And then everything just took off and suddenly I was signing with a record label and being thrust into the public eye. I was just a small town kid from Canada, but suddenly people were starting to expect things from me.”

“Shawn-”

“No, please. Hear me out.” The suit on his body was tailored to be comfortable, but in the heat of his rant it feels like it’s suffocating him. “It all went so fast. It was just one song after another and interviews and TV shows and concerts and tours. Everything was just going by so fast and every day, I lost a piece of myself. I was on autopilot, and my team was just signing me up for everything and I would let myself be led by them. Even now, I just sign contracts without thinking and allow myself to be molded by people who only care about money.”

“Shawn, why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” Y/N’s eyes are soft now. She suddenly notices how tired he looks under the makeup that he was forced to wear to the awards event: his sunken eyes, the dark bags under them, the lines that furrowed into his skin between his eyebrows. He looks like he’s barely hanging on to life, like the walls are caving in and he’s been trying to hold them up. She wishes she would have noticed earlier how lifeless he looks. “We were best friends, you could have told me about this.”

“Because,” Shawn starts, holding back the sob forcing itself up his throat. “I can’t ever tell anyone because I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I’m grateful, I really am...I’m lucky to have my passion be my career. But I’m so tired, Y/N. I just want to go back to being that kid in his bedroom, playing guitar because he feels like it, not because he signed a contract or because someone else wants him to.” He closes his eyes, sighing, letting his head fall back slightly. He reminds himself to relax his shoulders and take deep breaths. “When I’m on stage, I get to go back to being happy for just a moment. I get to forget about everyone’s expectations, about contracts and brand deals and PR and all the bullshit. I get to be me. Completely free.”

She’s stunned and he knows it. He’s just unloaded all of the burdens he’s been carrying; Shawn doesn’t know how Y/N is going to react, but he feels lighter, he feels better. He just hopes, so desperately, that she’ll understand his brokenness and the wreckage that has been left in his mind as a result of the stress and anxiety of the last few years. He hopes that she’ll understand him for what he is, not what he appears to be.

“So I haven’t changed, Y/N. I’m not like them; I’m like you. Money and fame, it’s just not who we are.”

“Shawn, I’m so sorry.” Her tear-filled eyes move in a frenzy as she realizes the falsity of her words and accusations. “I should have realized that you felt this way and that you were struggling. I’m so sorry for severing our friendship and for not knowing what was going on.”

“No, it’s not your fault. I just…”

Shawn groans as he sees the group of people that have congregated outside the windows of the diner. They both gaze into the parking lot, bombarded by bright flashes and deafened by the sound of cameras shuttering.

“Fuck. It’s the paps.” Shawn groans again, head rolling back in frustration. “How did they find us?”

“They were following your famous ass,” Y/N says, laughing. Shawn smiles; he resists the urge to point out that she’s famous too, and has more followers than him on Instagram.

“Should we leave?” Shawn asks.

“Hell no. They want pics, let’s give them pics.” Shawn watches in awe as Y/N stands up on her seat despite the loud protesting of the owner. She starts waving at them crazily, her peace signs occasionally replaced by a middle finger.

“Fuck you!” she yells in between her laughs. Shawn grins; he finds himself copying her and standing on his own seat. He starts waving at the cameras, reveling in the flashes and dancing like an idiot to the music inside his head.

“Fuck you!” he yells. He’s never felt so liberated in his entire life. He starts posing with her, each pose more ridiculous than the prior. They pretend to tango on the table, screaming when they nearly topple over the edges. He twirls her around, smile growing bigger and bigger with each giggle that leaves her mouth. “It’s been two years and you still suck at dancing,” he cackles. She pretends to gasp, then sticks her tongue out at him and at the paps outside.

Before he realizes what he’s doing, his lips are on hers. She doesn’t kiss back at first, shocked, but when Shawn is about to pull away he feels her hands on the back of his head pulling him closer. Suddenly, there’s nothing else in the entire world besides her; they’re not standing on top of a diner table anymore. It’s like they’re floating and Shawn’s body is leaning into hers and he’s never felt so complete before. The smell of her conditioner makes him forget his own name and he realizes that her lips taste like chocolate and friends aren’t supposed to know how each other taste but he doesn’t care because it’s her and it’s always been her.

When they finally pull away, Shawn’s gasping for breath and Y/N’s eyes are as wide as saucers as she realizes what has just happened. “S-Shawn. Your PR contract…”

“Fuck the PR contract. Let’s give the world something real.” And their lips connect again, for the paparazzi cameras and the whole world to see.

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

Hi, first off I ship Zutara and I come in peace. I was pointed your way by a friend when I asked for people who ship kataang who are nevertheless willing to hear different views. I have lurked on blog a week and finally got up my nerve to ask how you or any other Kataang can deny that the last part of book 3 was completely Zutara but then stopped abruptly with no buildup? You can finesse tone on text so I'm not being sarcastic or bitchy, it is a serious question (1/5)

In The Southern Raiders, Katara realizes she has been wrong about Zuko. In Ember Island Players, she realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was, and in the finale, Katara does not care a whit that Aang is gone. I am serious and as someone who is no Aang stan but likes him, I’m actually annoyed by how little anyone cared about his disappearance. It went from “Aang’s gone!” to “Okay whatever, let’s find Iroh so he can kill Ozai.” (2/5)

Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic. I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed. (4/5)

And then literally at the end, Mai shows up after Zuko not talking about her at all for six episodes and declares herself Zuko’s girlfriend. And Katara kisses Aang after being annoyed with and by him arguably since The Southern Raiders. I get that Kataang “won” and I’ve made peace with that, but ... I can’t understand why Kataang shippers are okay with such a crap story. I swear on my gmom [sic] if they’d done this for [Zvtara], I’d be mad as hell. So I don’t understand, I really don’t. (5/5)

As always, I shall begin with a disclaimer: anon, you do not have to agree with this post. No one has to agree with this post, as it is strictly my own thoughts on the subject matter raised here! As per usual, I will not be putting this in the main tags - much less the Zvtara tag! - because I have basic fandom decency, lmao. If you (the general you, not anon specifically) do disagree with this post, that is totally fine, I simply ask that you are polite in expressing your disagreement (if you choose to do so at all! no one is expected to, lmao. i promise).

Alright. Formalities are out of the way!

I’ll admit I giggled a little bit when you say you lurked on my blog for a week, because I’ve actually talked about this subject numerous times in the past! I just found it funny you hadn’t stumbled across any posts about it yet, lol. So, as a heads up, know that I will be providing several links in this post since - again - this subject and related subjects have been analyzed a multitude of times before. I highly recommend reading them all! Mostly because I don’t intend to spend forever restating what’s been said over and over and over lmaooo. I will provide the resources, but it is up to each individual to take advantage of them.

To begin: your ask actually contains a few logical fallacies, anon! I do not mean this as shade or to belittle you - I fall victim to this issue all the time myself. Anyone who writes analyses or participates in debates does! Humans are imperfect and often like to cut corners to reach a conclusion. It is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about because - as the existence of your ask in inbox indicates - you are willing to learn more. So kudos to you, my friend!

Alright. So what logical fallacies am I talking about here? (For the record: specific definitions of logical fallacies were taken from here.)

1. Hasty Generalization.

“A hasty generalization is a general statement without sufficient evidence to support it.” Numerous claims are made in this ask that I have absolutely no doubt you believe to be true, anon, but there really isn’t any concrete evidence to support it! I will go into more detail later, of course, but let’s quickly look at one example:

“In Ember Island Players, [Katara] realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was…”

For the time being, I will ask but one question: from the show itself, not fanon, how do you know this?

2. Causal Fallacy

Ah, this guy. My own worst enemy, tbh! “A causal fallacy is any logical breakdown when identifying a cause,” of which there are several types. “One causal fallacy is the false cause or non causa pro causa (‘not the-cause for a cause’) fallacy, which is when you conclude about a cause without enough evidence to do so.” In your ask, you claim:

“I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed.”

Again, for the time being, I will ask only one question: from the show itself, not fanon, what led you to believe this statement?

“Another kind of causal fallacy is the correlational fallacy also known as cum hoc ergo propter hoc (Lat., ‘with this therefore because of this’). This fallacy happens when you mistakenly interpret two things found together as being causally related.” In your ask, you claim:

“Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

I will ask one question: from the show itself, not fanon, why would you believe these are indicative of romance? (Consider the context the show is situated in, too - e.g. the war, Katara being Azula’s only available match in skill, etc.)

The reason I bring up the issue of logical fallacies is again not at all to make you feel bad, anon!! You were simply trying to express your point to me and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to do so. See, your ask actually presents a larger fandom trend:

Misconstruing fanon as canon.

What you have offered to me, anon, are fanon conclusions. To clarify: there is absolutely nothing wrong with fanon. I adore fanon interpretations (an example I have used in the past is Kuzaang - like, I don’t care that there’s no canon basis! I do what I want lmao!), but a line has to be drawn between exploring fanon interpretations and expecting everyone to take that fanon as canon. Again, anon, this is not your fault! It is not any one person’s fault, lmao. It is an issue of fandom as a whole, and all of us fall victim to it.

With that in mind, I will break down the different components of your ask. I will also do my best to be brief - as aforementioned, I and others have analyzed this issue numerous times before, lmao. To avoid confusion, it would be best to read through each or at least most links as they are provided!

Firstly, there are two posts I have made in the past that almost directly answer your overarching question here in this ask. Please read them prior to continuing, as I will occasionally reference them:

This post explains how Zvtara was not built up from TSR/EIP-onwards, and how their supposed “canon enemies to lovers arc” is a completely fanon construction.

This post explains the issue of the “canon Zvtara” rhetoric from rabid zkers (and you, anon, are absolutely NOT one, in case you were worried).

Alrighty. With that out the way, let’s get into it!

“In The Southern Raiders, Katara realizes she has been wrong about Zuko.”

Gotta start by saying that TSR is not about Zuko. TSR is, first and foremost, about Katara. Katara does not realize she was wrong about Zuko, because here’s the truth - she wasn’t wrong about him. Zuko did horrible things to the Gaang. Katara was not wrong to hold him accountable for that. What Katara does realize is that holding such rage so close to her chest is bad for her. This rage was not solely anger against Zuko, either; it was of course about Yon Rha, too, but it was also anger towards Kya and Katara herself. Essentially, TSR is where Katara realizes she has to forgive herself. Zuko is only one part of her journey (similar to Aang’s role in the episode, if a different end of the spectrum).

This post explains how TSR was fundamentally about Katara.

Additional resources about TSR:

This post explains Aang’s comments to Katara in TSR and how Katara herself recognized their validity.

This post explains why both Aang and Zuko were important to Katara in TSR.

This post is an extensive breakdown of Aang and Katara’s relationship within TSR.

“In Ember Island Players, [Katara] realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was…”

You provide no context for this claim, so I’m going to work with the assumption this is about their reactions to the play itself and the infamous kiss!

There is something important we must keep in mind when discussing EIP: the play they watch is literally imperialist propaganda. It is meant to demean the entire Gaang, and indeed it does exactly that. You mention Katara and Aang specifically, so I will recap what I have explained before about their depictions in EIP: Katara, an indigenous woman, is hypersexualized and portrayed as overly emotional (and thus “irrational”). This reinforces the Fire Nation sentiment that women of the Water Tribes are less intelligent and less suited for “responsibility” than Fire Nation women. Aang, a pacifist and the sole survivor of genocide who is also canonly the male character most comfortable with femininity and spirituality, is portrayed as a flighty, airheaded woman (this is a well-known imperialist tactic meant to emasculate the target, seeing as masculinity was often equated with power in fascist regimes; thus, they effectively belittled Aang before the FN audience). This reinforces the Fire Nation sentiment that the Air Nomads were foolish, weak people who deserved to die.

In other words, of course Aang and Katara were upset about how they portrayed in the play. It is understandable that tensions would be running high and consequently that mistakes (we all know the one) would be made.

This post explains how EIP belittles each member of the Gaang (and why the play is not indicative of Zvtara).

This post talks specifically about EIP and their portrayal of Aang and Katara.

Now onto the kiss. As everyone knows and no one has ever disagreed with, Aang was wrong to kiss Katara. Point blank!

But what people do misunderstand is Katara and Aang’s feelings regarding the kiss. Given your above quote, I assume you believe Aang kissing Katara supposedly made her realize that Aang wasn’t as mature as she once thought. On the surface, this seems like a logical conclusion! But digging deeper reveals… well, there’s nothing that indicates this conclusion at all. Even jumping ahead to the finale, when Zuko has doubts over Aang’s return, Katara demonstrates her faith in Aang (although of course she’s nervous - I won’t deny the obvious, lmao) as she says, “Aang won’t lose. He’s gonna come back. He has to.”

In other words, nothing in canon suggests that Katara believes Aang is immature because of what happened in EIP. She still trusts in his return, as she did even before she knew him (and arguably is more confident in him now, given the 60~ episodes of them growing closer). Furthermore, when Aang does disappear, Katara doesn’t have an outburst about how “immature” it was for him to “run away again.” The viewers know Aang didn’t run away, of course (fans who insist he did are not worth arguing with, anon - they don’t understand the show, rip), but that is a luxury the rest of the Gaang is not afforded. And yet even though Aang has vanished off the face of the planet, Katara still believes he will save the world. If anything, that signifies the utmost confidence in his skill and maturity!

To go back to the kiss itself, this post explains the true source of Katara’s conflict in turning down Aang (hint: she says it herself in the episode! you know, the whole war going on) and why the EIP kiss did not sink Kataang’s relationship.

Additional sources about EIP:

This post explains how the EIP kiss was resolved through narrative parallels.

This post explains how the EIP kiss is so often blown out of proportion.

“… and in the finale, Katara does not care a whit that Aang is gone. I am serious and as someone who is no Aang stan but likes him, I’m actually annoyed by how little anyone cared about his disappearance. It went from ‘Aang’s gone!’ to ‘Okay whatever, let’s find Iroh so he can kill Ozai.’”

As I already touched upon, Katara didn’t need a soliloquy to emphasize her connection to Aang once he disappeared. She trusts that he will return. She says so herself. I guess I just don’t understand how you got from Point A, Katara has consistent faith in Aang, to Point B, Katara and the rest of the Gaang didn’t care about Aang’s disappearance. It’s honestly a bit more like Point A to Point Z, lmao! If you would like to expand on your logic here, I would love to hear more!!

There are a few specific aspects I want to note about your rationale, though. You argue the Gaang moves from ‘Aang disappeared’ to ‘let’s find Iroh,’ but the Gaang actually went from:

1. Aang disappeared!

2. They search the entire island for him.

3. Okay, they couldn’t find him, so they track down June and have her try to find Aang.

4. June says to them, “No, I mean he’s gone gone. He doesn’t exist.” (And she clarifies to Sokka that she doesn’t mean dead, either - she means Aang has totally blinked out of their world.)

5. Only after all of this do they decide to track down Iroh.

The Gaang cares immensely about the fact that Aang is gone, and you could actually argue they waste time by trying to track him down. They don’t give up until June essentially tells them that some Spirit World shenanigans were involved. Even if you don’t think they reached that specific conclusion, I have to ask: What else were they supposed to do? They were told Aang didn’t exist! How are they supposed to fix that?

Well, they can’t. So they do the next best thing: they find Iroh, the man who knows Ozai better than anyone and is also one of the most talented firebenders in the world. In my opinion, that’s a very logical step to take.

“Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

I’ll be blunt here, lol: in my opinion, nothing of what you listed in your ask is inherently romantic.

Okay. I am going to assume you’ve read the first two posts I linked earlier (“Zvtara did not have an E-L arc” and “the ‘canon’ Zvtara of rabid zkers has issues”), because I do not intend to rehash everything they contain, lol. Consequently, I presume you realize by now that there was no canon romantic interest between Zuko and Katara.

And as I always say, just because there wasn’t a canon romance doesn’t mean people can’t take fanon routes! Of course they can! That’s the entire point of fanon! But fanon is not canon, and I am strictly referring to canon in my discussions.

You claim Katara was all over Zuko, which in itself I don’t think is an accurate assessment, because she doesn’t really do anything with Zuko outside the three points you bring up (other than the June gag, which I addressed in one of the aforementioned linked posts). So I’ll go ahead and break down each instance you provide!

1. “[Katara] was giving [Zuko] a pep talk about Iroh”

Katara asked Zuko if he was okay. She asked him if he was genuinely sorry. She reassures him that Iroh will forgive him. That’s… all. Not to diminish the significance of this conversation, but it’s not exactly an intimate, romantically-charged discussion (unless fanon-ized). But on that note, let’s tackle the canon significance of this moment!

Katara knows firsthand the challenge of forgiving Zuko. And she knows that Zuko understands how hard it was for her to forgive him (note: Katara’s anger was totally justified, and anyone who disagrees is probably a rabid Zuko stan lmao). She also recognizes that Zuko is terrified it will take Iroh the same struggle to forgive him that Katara went through. This scene is not related to romance at all. It’s about compassion. It’s about Katara and Zuko’s friendship having progressed, slowly but surely, to the point where she’s not afraid to extend empathy to him anymore (seeing as the first time, beneath Ba Sing Se, did not go so well; you know - Aang died and all). It’s about Zuko recognizing his own fallibility (and the audience recognizing how much he’s grown). He questions how he can even face his uncle after all he’s done to the man, which is a far cry from his entitled attitude in TSR, where he demanded to know why Katara didn’t trust him when everyone else had forgiven him.

To make this moment, this moment about Zuko’s relationship with his uncle who is all but a literal father to him, this moment of vulnerability, of guilt, of remorse, of growth, to claim this powerful moment is about a nonexistent romantic relationship? In my opinion, that is incredibly reductive to what this scene is supposed to signify. And again, there is nothing wrong with people exploring such a possibility in fanon, but in canon? Nah. It doesn’t track.

2. “[Katara] was going with [Zuko] to Azula”

Don’t forget that at first, Zuko planned to take on Azula alone. He doesn’t request Katara to accompany him until Iroh tells him that he’ll need help. As such, Zuko’s immediate agreement with Iroh is reflective of his personal growth (Book 1 and 2 Zuko would have argued and insisted he didn’t need any help). It also demonstrates, however, that Katara was not obsessively on Zuko’s mind. He doesn’t choose Katara until Iroh points out that Zuko will need assistance in taking Azula down. This means that Zuko’s choice of Katara to join him is a tactical decision, not an emotional one. And by all accounts, it’s a damn good decision! Zuko witnessed firsthand beneath Ba Sing Se a) how powerful Katara was (e.g. that wave after Aang died) and b) how Katara was the only one who could take on Azula*.

Of course, besides the fact that Katara was the only match for Azula, who else was Zuko going to choose? Sokka and Suki, while talented in their own right, were no competition for Azula. Toph, while the greatest earthbender in the world, was needed to metalbend the airships. Katara was the only (and the best!) option.

Also, on their trip to face Azula, the only thing they talk about within their three lines of canon conversation are Azula and Aang. Not exactly a romantic flight, lmao.

*Zuko never saw Aang fight Azula on the drill.

3. “[Katara] was healing [Zuko] and saying he saved her not the other way around”

Actually, this is what the transcript says:

Zuko: Thank you, Katara.

Katara: I think I’m the one who should be thanking you.

You’re right about how their lines refer to them saving each other, but you posit it as a romantic moment, when the lines are actually pretty straightforward. Zuko thanks Katara as she heals him from the partially-redirected lightning strike, and Katara thanks him for trying to redirect the lightning away from her and in doing so saving her life. In terms of canon, there’s nothing romantic about this, lol! (Which I talked about extensively in the E-L post, if you need to reference it again.) The reason being is that you have to take the show itself into context when you do analysis. If there was no canon romantic buildup between Zuko and Katara, why would these lines in canon (not fanon! fanon is free rein, lmao) be interpreted through a romantic lens?

Well, they wouldn’t be interpreted as such. Plain and simple.

“I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

Because looking through a canon lens, they aren’t romantic. That’s all. You are of course welcome to view them as such through a fanon lens!! It’s just about recognizing the line between canon and fanon.

“I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed.”

I asked earlier what content in the show itself led you to believe. I have wracked my own mind, and I cannot think of anything that would point to this conclusion. Zuko was in Katara’s good graces for 5 episodes. That’s 8% of the show. Not exactly a lot of time for Zuko to start believing his life would be pointless if Katara was killed, is it?

This post explains the improbability of Zuko having a crush on Katara within canon.

This post explains how Zuko’s racism towards the Air Nomads in TSR and the finale is, well, exactly that - racism (and not a sign of a crush on Katara).

And, of course, as has been said a million times, Zuko taking the lightning for Katara out of romantic interest would completely undermine his redemption arc. Since it has been said over and over and over, I will be brief: Zuko taking the lightning is significant because it is a selfless act (one of his only in the series), and it directly parallels his selfish act of choosing not to intervene when Azula killed Aang with lightning beneath Ba Sing Se. This moment demonstrates Zuko’s growth, how he has learned to accept unconditional love from Iroh and the Gaang and Mai and even Ty Lee and sure, even from Appa and Momo, too. To make this moment of pure selflessness about a nonexistent romance? To force a fanon romance in replacement of canon redemption and canon platonic significance?

Such a decision speaks wonders about a person’s priorities, in my opinion, as well as how amatonormativity impacts them.

Furthermore, Zuko’s choice cements Katara’s position as his surrogate sibling, as she is Azula’s primary foil. Zuko chooses the sister who heals over the sister who harms. I won’t go too much into it here, because it has already been talked about extensively before! Thus, I offer you this post that explains how Zuko and Katara - in canon - are positioned as surrogate siblings as well as Azula’s role in this matter. I also offer this post that lays out through screencaps how Zuko and Katara - in canon - treat each other like family.

Additional sources about the final Agni Kai:

This post in part discusses fanon misinterpretation of the final Agni Kai and why such a lens is not true to canon relationships.

This post explains why the final Agni Kai is not intended to be romantic.

This post explains how the final Agni Kai is primarily about Azula and how reducing it to be a big Zvtara moment is detrimental to both her and to Zuko and Katara themselves.

“And then literally at the end, Mai shows up after Zuko not talking about her at all for six episodes and declares herself Zuko’s girlfriend.”

This point could probably get a post of its own, lol, but fortunately I and others have already written a few! I will link them below - first, however, I question your choice of “declares.” Technically, yes, Mai does say outright that it doesn’t hurt how the new Fire Lord is her boyfriend, but your phrasing implies Zuko resisted her proclamation. When… he doesn’t. In fact, he embraces it, asking if that means she doesn’t hate him anymore (read: he asks if they’re back on good terms again). Zuko clearly doesn’t have a problem with the girl he loves wanting to be with him again - so why do some parts of fandom so adamantly insist he does? (Not you, anon - I am referring to the rabid fanoners, lol.)

Also, regarding how Zuko hasn’t talked about Mai for six episodes, we’ve gotta be realistic with this assessment in terms of canon:

1. It was the crux of the war. They were either going to live or die. There was no time for romance at this point! Sokka and Suki weren’t professing their love on the battlefield, lmao, so it’s not exactly strange that Zuko didn’t bust into a monologue about how he missed Mai. I think they were just a little bit distracted by the possible end of the world, lol, and all that jazz.

2. Zuko probably thought Mai was dead. He knows what Azula is like. He knows his sister doesn’t have time for people who get in her way (Aang can testify to this, lmao). So can you blame him for not wanting to think about how the girl he loved had died (to his knowledge) to save him?

You gotta cut the kid some slack, lol. Anyways! Additional sources about Maiko:

This post breaks down the notion of Maiko and “deserve.”

This post rationalizes through a canon lens why Mai’s arrival at the palace surprised Zuko.

This post is the mother of Maiko metas, explaining in tremendous detail why their relationships works, is relevant to canon, and was well-implemented for what its role was.

“And Katara kisses Aang after being annoyed with and by him arguably since The Southern Raiders.”

What in canon has led you to the conclusion that Katara was annoyed with Aang? What specific moments from TSR to the finale made you think Katara was annoyed with Aang and remained annoyed with Aang? Are there any, or are you thinking about fanon interpretation? (Canon vs fanon strikes again!)

In TSR, Katara explicitly thanks Aang for understanding her perspective. Nothing there is indicative of annoyance (and as in the links provided earlier, she was not angry at Aang/Zuko/etc. so much as she was at herself. well, she was a little bit angry with Zuko, lmao). In EIP, Katara is understandably angry at Aang’s decision to kiss her, but Aang completely backs off, and we see in the part 1 of the finale that there are no hard feelings or weird tension between them. Katara in fact actively expresses concern for Aang after Zuko sporadically attacked him when she demands of the firebender, “What’s wrong with you? You could have hurt Aang!” Even when Aang and Katara do butt heads later in the episode as Aang tries to think of a way to defeat Ozai without killing him, Katara doesn’t stay frustrated. Like I said - when she and Zuko are flying to Azula, she demonstrates her unwavering faith in Aang through her belief that he will return. So… where is the annoyance that you feel was present?

With all this mind, i.e. looking strictly at canon, Katara wasn’t annoyed with Aang during this time. Thus, Katara kisses Aang because she loved him. Because he backed off and gave her the space she needed to make a decision about if she wanted to be with him (hence Katara being the one to initiate the kiss). Because the issue was never about if she reciprocated his feelings (they both knew they loved each other) but rather it had to do with the war. At the end of the finale, the war is over, and there is nothing that prevents them from being together. Simple.

This post explains how Katara’s feelings for Aang develop throughout the series (and were not neglected, as rabid zkers like to claim, for some reason? again - you are not one of them, anon).

This post also covers Katara’s interest in Aang throughout the series.

“I can’t understand why Kataang shippers are okay with such a crap story.”

I mean, you definitely don’t have to ship Kataang. It may not be your cup of tea, and that’s totally okay! But as the above links demonstrate, Kataang was a fantastic story. It was well-implemented into the narrative from Day 1. The soulmateism is unparalleled!

Also, it’s worth noting that A:TLA itself was essentially pre-written. The writers knew how the story would end from the get-go, including that the show would end with Kataang. A few Zvtara gags were thrown in to add a sense of “who will Katara choose?” drama as the show aired, but Zuko and Katara were never planned to end up together. One reason so many newer fans are fine with Kataang from the start is that there’s no tension of waiting a week for a new episode when you can watch all 61 episodes straight through on Netflix, lmao. It’s even more obvious now than when A:TLA was airing that Aang and Katara will end up together, if that makes sense. (Although I talked about this in the E-L post linked earlier, so you probably understand this point already, as it was explained in detail there!)

All of this is to say that Kataang is not a “crap story” in terms of writing (again, personal taste is a different matter) because it was woven in from the beginning and had powerful narrative significance! (Kataang represented numerous complementary components of the series, such as yin and yang, push and pull, air and water, Oma and Shu, etc.)

Now. If you really and truly want to understand why Kataang shippers like Kataang, anon, consider reading some Kataang fanfics or exploring some Kataang headcanons. I read fics involving Zvtara more regularly than you might think, lol, because… well, it’s just a ship. I understand the appeal of romantic Zvtara and I can actually appreciate it when it’s well-written! I’m sure if you’re willing to put in just a little legwork (you don’t need to go the whole mile, lmao - ‘tis just fandom), you’ll realize why people like Kataang, even if it isn’t exactly your thing. You have the range, anon!! You got this!

I hope I managed to answer your questions, my friend! As always, you do not have to agree with anything I have said here. It is totally fine if you and anyone else disagrees! Everything above is simply my own perspective on the matter. Thank you for taking the time to read my response and all the different links I provided! I hope it has expanded your understanding of the subject at hand!

[extremelyblackandwhite]

innocence - 29

PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader

WARNINGS: smut (18+, underage DNI)

A/N: its angst season again!!

NEXT CHAPTER

Bucky held the old phone against his ear as he waited for Natasha to pass the line onto Steve, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Once again, there were no news coming from them. There’s not enough evidence for us to even make a guess, he’d tell him every time he called the super soldier. It did not matter how many hours he spent on the phone, a team of synthesoids, witches, spies and super soldiers couldn’t bring upon themselves to figure out who was threatening his girlfriend. His mind couldn’t stop going to the worse places. If he didn’t figure it out, who would?

   - Buck, we can go through the record off people who got into her building but do we even know if it’s the same person? 

   - It has to be, Steve. Go through the records, check for anyone who isn’t from the building.

   - Have you asked Y/N who she thinks might be? 

   - No, I didn’t tell her. - he gulped. - I promised her she’d be safe. I’m not gonna tell her. 

   - That is a ter ... - the line broke down and before he could call out for Steve’s name again, he heard Y/N’s voice right behind him. 

   - When were you gonna tell me? - she held up the letter in front of his face and he swore all the colour drained from his face. - Bucky, when were you gonna tell me? How long have you known? Where did this come from?

Bucky dropped the phone to the holder, visibly gulping at the sight of his girlfriend holding the letter he had sworn not to let her see. However, except of seeing the fear she had displayed the first time it happened, she was upset, mad even with that hidden type of serene look which he was sure would scare any army. She put the letter on the table, crossing her arms at him. 

    - It came yesterday. I don’t know if it actually arrived yesterday but that’s when I got it from the post box.

    - Why didn’t you tell me? - she sighed looking down at her feet, one hand holding her weight on the table. Bucky’s jaw locked, eyes moving from side to side before he wrapped his hand around her forearm and led her into the bedroom. Last thing he needed was for her whole family to know not only was he terrible at his job, he was also terrible at being her boyfriend. First fight in her parents’ home ... you can’t fuck up any further Barnes. - James, I’m not toying around.

     - I thought it wasn’t important. - he lied. 

     - They found my family home, James. It is important and you hid it from me. Why did you even open my mail? 

     - I hoped to be able to find who did it before I told you. I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas. - he put his hands in his pocket. She narrowed her eyes at him, arms crossed over her chest. 

     - Is that why you don’t wanna kiss me or touch me? You ... Do you ... You agree with they called me? - she frowned, her own anger replaced by her own insecurities. Bucky blinked slowly as if he was processing what she had said, not believing the words which had came out of her mouth. - I ... I didn’t mean to be too forward, I jus ...

     - No. No, no, no, no ... - he walked so fast he was almost running, holding her by her arms. - No. I don’t agree with them, I would never agree with it.

   - Then ... are you really not in the mood and I just made a complete idiot of myself?

   - I don’t, no, I just feel like I failed you, failed my job. - he cupped her face in his hands, trying to find her gaze but she refused to look at him. - I don’t want to fail you, everyone but you. I’m sorry I kept it from you, I thought that you’d feel safer if you didn’t know.

    - So you thought keeping me in my own delusion was the best thing to do?

    - I’m sorry. - he leaned his forehead against hers. She looked up, into his baby blue eyes as her hand hoovered over his arm. - I didn’t want ... I didn’t mean to delude you. 

    - You didn’t fail me. - she brought his hand up to her lips, kissing the back of it before leaning her face against it. - It is not your fault that letter came in.

    - But I should know who it was ... or at least Steve should. He’s proving himself to be quite useless ... - he grumbled on, which made her hold in her laughter by biting the inside of her lip. - I’m sorry, dollface. I really am.

     - If you ever kiss my head when I’m trying to kiss you ever again, we will have severe problems. - she pointed her finger jokingly at him. 

     - Heard it loud and clear, princess. - he pulled her arm so she was chest to chest with him as if they were about to dance. - Just so we’re clear, I do not agree with those letters. 

      - Please don’t hide things from me. - her ring finger traced his cheekbone softly. - I can’t stand it from everyone but I personally can’t stand it coming from you. You’re the only one in my corner.

     - I’ll always be in your corner but I will want to protect you and I will sometimes do something stupid. 

      - Why do something stupid when you could do me? - she looked at him with that little shy grin which was just always so endearing to him. Bucky chuckled, leaning down to kiss her. It was a short kiss, broken by him merely to look at her pout.

     - You’re getting frisky, princess? 

     - Well, you did lose your chance to see what’s under my robe. - her fingers slightly rose the hem of her robe to show a bit of her lace garter before dropping it to grab her dress. - But I do need to grab some takeaway.

    - I’m going with you. - he followed into her own ensuite bathroom, but she stopped him, holding the door edge in her hand. - You were going to show it to me anyway. 

     - Next time don’t hide stuff from me. - she smiled before locking the door leaving him alone while she got dressed in a jumper like dress. Bucky leaned his forehead against the door, his mind going haywire as the minute she was gone he immediately started thinking of how he hadn’t found who was sending those letters. How come no one had figured it out? Surely whoever had done it couldn’t be that  good at covering their tracks unless they were a professional. Y/N exited the bathroom in her jumper dress and put her hands on the nape of his neck. Bucky took that opportunity to rise up the hem of her dress, watching the soft white stocking reach its end where it connected to her garter. - No, Bucky. No. 

     - When did you have this? I’ve never seen you wear it before. - he tried to pull it upwards a bit more but she stopped him by merely wrapping her hand around his wrist. - Did you buy it for me, princess?

    - Oh no, I wore this when I was 20. In front a 150 people audience. 

    - What? - he looked as confused as the day someone explained what the internet was to him. - Someone else has seen it? Why can’t I see it?

    - Because you’re not in the mood. - she walked away to grab her coat and her scarf. - Are you coming?

    - Oh, in more ways then one, princess. - he too grabbed his jacket, following her down the stairs.

He held her hand as they stepped outside, going into a mode he wasn’t used to going into very often. Everything and everyone was suspicious to him and at any moment, he felt like he was ready to kill someone with only a snap of his fingers. Bucky wanted that and at the same time he didn’t want it. It was a hard duality, that of wanting to defend her at all costs and ensure she was the happiest and that of wanting to just bask into how it felt to be hers, because, god, did it felt god to be hers. It was like waking up in spring mornings and all his mistakes seemed to fade whenever she smiled, the way her nose scrunched up and she hide her mouth with her hands, saying her smile was much to ugly for him to see it. Of course she was lying, her smile was the cutest thing. Yet, he wanted her safe, he wanted her to be endlessly happy. He could never get rid of his demons, of what they had done to him, but he could make sure no one hurt her, no one treated her like a commodity because she was everything but that. 

    - Claire said Aunt Petunia corned you about babies. - she spoke out as they waited on the line. - I’m sorry, I keep telling her not to but I think she’s in competition with her friend about it. 

     - It’s okay. - he chuckled. - Do you want one?

     - Baby?

     - Yeah, do you want a kid someday?

     - I do but only one. I think my mum and dad lost a pound of hair each time me and my siblings bickered. Besides, Colin almost made me believe you were cheating on me.

    - What?

    - Yeah. I was desperate, I called Chuck for help. Chuck. Also, I think he’s dating.

    - Circling back to the baby question ... would you consider a baby, maybe you and me have one, someday?

    - You want to have a baby with me? - she peered up from looking at her shoes to look at him. Bucky immediately regretted the question, she was young and probably not thinking about kids. - Buck?

    - Forget it.

    - No, Bucky. I didn’t mean it like that ... I just thought you wouldn’t want to have kids. 

    - I don’t know. - he scratched the back of his neck. - I mean, I don’t really have much family left and I’d like to think, maybe someday, we could have our own.

    - Bucky ...

    - I’m freaking you out.

    - No. I’ve thought about it too, buying a house, having a baby, but ... everything I do is controlled and scheduled and tight lipped so I tend not to day dream about it. 

    - Hey ... - he hooked his arm under her waist, pulling her close to him. - You still have agency and besides, I’m really good at going undercover if you need to. 

    - You always know what to say. 

    - That’s because you’re predictable, princess.

    - I am not. - she retorted, pouting as she crossed her arms. 

    - Yes, you are, princess.

    - Really? - she cocked an eyebrow at him, before standing on her tip toes to whisper against his hear. - I’m not wearing any underwear. 

    - What? - he blushed as Y/N smiled before stepping forward to collect the takeaway bags from the customer assistant. Bucky cleared his throat as the two of them walked outside. - I thought you had something to show me.

    - I did but then I realised it is really uncomfortable to be in that lingerie, so I took it off.

Bucky felt most of his blood travelled south as he looked up and down her body. Damn it, suddenly her home felt so far away from the restaurant. He couldn’t help but stare at her body as  they  walked down the street, the way her dress draped over what he now knew was her naked body. Part of him felt jealous that she was in such a state in front of everyone else but the other part, the most overwhelming one, wanted to push her into an alley and take her right there and then and maybe he would’ve done so if he hadn’t seen a few paparazzi trying to appear invisible. He put himself on her left, mostly covering her, wrapping his hand around hers as he picked up the pace to get to her place. Once again he stood behind her as she opened her door, so close her could smell her daisy perfume and if he were a bit younger and lacked self control, he would’ve drowned her neck in hickeys. However, he thought seeing himself display some strong PDA with his girlfriend on the next morning’s paper. She took her jacket off, hanging it on the hooks by the door.

   - We’re going. - he whispered against her ear as she placed the takeaway bags on the kitchen. She opened her mouth to protest, wanting to defend her right to have the yummy food she had just bought but Bucky gave her no chance to do so, instead holstering her upon his shoulder and climbing up the stairs.

Y/N waved at her younger brother who stopped in his tracks as Bucky passed through him and straight into her bedroom. Before she could protest once more, he laid her on her own bedroom, climbing on top of her and started to kiss her neck which replaced the half done protests with small moans. His hand slide up her left to her tight, rising the dress in the process and sure enough, she had not been lying about not wearing any underwear. Other than the garter which held up the sheer white stockings, she was a bare as the day she was born. Bucky took a moment to appreciate it, the bare woman laid on the bed under him, looking at him as if he were the only man in the world.

   - I must say, princess. Whatever you had to show me can’t be better than this.

   - Maybe my food downstairs is better. 

   - You’re not walking down any stairs anytime soon, after I’m done with you. - he leaned down to kiss her, a harsh full of need kiss as if he hadn’t seen her in decades.

She smiled through the kiss, hands held over his neck as he placed kisses and sucked her skin in places she was sure to get a hickey the next day, but it didn’t matter. In all honesty, nothing really mattered when he kissed her. Y/N held her hands up as he took off the dress and basked in her nakedness. Screw all the women he had ever slept with, no one compared to her. It didn’t have to do with beauty or even seduction. She was just her, just herself in her own naked glory standing under him, eyes shining with a naive like lust as she awaited his next movement. Bucky should’ve done something else but he decided just to kiss her, fingers caressing the soft skin of her face.

    - What is it? - she asked as he interrupted the kiss once more.

    - You are the most wonderful thing in my life, Y/N. - he kissed her once more, one hand coming to remove his own trousers. 

Her lips stretched into a small smile as she rose her forehead to press it against his. She mumbled a small I love you, kissing the side of his lips as he pushed his cock into her. Her lips stretched into a gasp as he grunted once he shed himself completely inside her, eyes closed as he let the feeling of being inside of her take complete hold of him. She continued mid gasp, not a single thought forming inside her mind rather than how good he felt, how full she was. 

Bucky opened his eyes, baby blues almost navy coloured as his hand pushed some of her hair away from her face, kissing her to silence her little gaps and moans which came out in such meek tones, it made him even hard just from listening to them. The kiss was forceful, his lips  swallowing all her sounds as he slowly circled his hips against hers, one hand holding the side of her hips with a vice like grip. He pushed his hips back, removing himself from her only to thrust back into her, establishing a slow and delayed pace, grip strong enough to leave a bruise the next day. She whined, nails dug into the fabric of the sleeveless tank top he had not taken off. 

   - Bucky, please ... - she pleaded, tears pooling in her eyes. - Faster.

   - No, princess. You’ve been so bad lately ... what should I do with you? - he stopped moving, stilling inside of her.

   - Move? Please?

   - Giving me handjobs in a plane, pouting when you don’t get attention, walking around without underwear. That’s not good girl behaviour.  

   - Bucky ... - she tried to rock her hips against his but he stopped her, hand firmly pressing her against the mattress. - Bucky, please.

   - I don’t know, princess. - he leaned into the crook of her neck, playfully bitting her  sensitive skin, before kissing it and doing it again. - You look so pretty when you’re begging for my cock. I almost want to see it more. Maybe leave you like this all night, what about that?

   - Please, Bucky. Please. - a tears rolled down her cheek as she tried once again to rock her hips against his into a pointless effort. - Please, please, I need it.

   -  I know. You got so upset when I didn’t fuck you last night, dollface. - he moved out and into her in a long, slow motion, earning more moans from her. - You’re just becoming so needy for me, princess. 

   - Please. - she pouted, raising up to kiss him, her hands moving up to try and take off his shirt but he refused, shutting her actions by starting to relentlessly thrust in and out of her as if he had been possessed by mere lust. Y/N threw her head back as his hand grabbed her breast harshly and he continued to relentlessly fuck her.

Her  legs trembled as he went back to paying attention to her neck and jaw, the mix of all the emotions chasing her high. She whined, trying to deal with all she was feeling from his lips against her neck, his hand massaging her breast and flicking her nipple every once in a while as well as his cock veins against the walls of her channel.  She managed to open her eyes for a few seconds and swore she could cum merely at the sight of him as he moved away from her neck to thrust faster into her, head thrown back, pink reddish lips opened in a circle, sweat forming in hairline. She had done that, she had gotten him to look so lost in pleasure and that was as stimulating as something could get. 

His hand left her breast to start circling her clit, slowly and painful, a harsh contrast with the fast pace. Her own hand replaced the place that had once been occupied by his hand on her breast, biting her lip as he continued with his motions. Bucky did not stop until she reached her orgasm, the tight feeling in her lower stomach exploding into a particular high pitch moan which he silenced by kissing her, reminding her her parents were still downstairs after all. He didn’t take long to reach his own orgasm either, continuing to thrust quickly into her until ropes and ropes of cum painted her walls. The orgasm weakened his hold over her for a few seconds, leading to him collapsing to her side, pushing her along with him. Bucky slipped out of her, reaching up to kiss her lips followed by a small kiss to her nose. 

   - Hi. - she said shyly,  cuddling against his chest as he pushed a cover over her body. - No more secrets, promise me.  

   - I can’t promise that. I can promise that whatever I do, I do it because I love you and I want you safe. 

   - Buck.

   - I will try. - he kissed her forehead. - Good?

   - Good.

She remained in his arms, cuddling against his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beat softly against his ribcage. It felt good, it felt good to feel loved, to hear the heartbeat of someone who loved her, someone who existed, someone who she had only dreamed about and now existed in real life and loved her. The two watched the old clock on her table turn to midnight. Christmas day. She looked up to him, extending to give him a quick kiss.

   - Merry Christmas, love.

   - Merry Christmas, princess. - he kissed her nose. 

   - I thought we could trade presents between us. Make it special. 

   - Me first. - he said and before she could ever argue, he was rolling out of bed with a small blanket covering his nudity to grab a present wrapped in festive wrapping paper with her name written on it. He sat on the bed, next to her, pushing the duvet to cover her so she wouldn’t be cold. - I hope you like it.

   - I’m sure I will. - Y/N smiled at him before proceeding to unwrap her present. It was a book and one she recognised very well from seeing pictures on Google whenever she looked around jokingly for first editions on Ebay. - Buck, it’s too much. I can’t.

   - It’s mine. Well, it used to be mine but now it’s yours. 

   - How do you even know I like the Hobbit?

   - Chuck told me.

   - You and Chuck talk? - she giggled, unable to picture her best friend having a conversation with Bucky who was always brooding.

   - We don’t but whenever we’re on set, he just keeps talking. He said you liked it, so I thought it would be fun if you had the one I read when I was what? About your age?

   - Oh okay, grampa. - she poked his chest jokingly before handing him his present.

Bucky kissed the side of her temple, opening the package to see an album like photo with his name written in gold. He gave her a confused look but she merely nodded her head, telling him to open the book. Once he did, he saw “All the times Bucky Barnes was a hero” written in her handwriting followed by pages and pages of articles calling him a hero, the saviour of the day and other words he did not equalise with himself. 

   - I know you don’t believe you’re a good man but I do and it’s not just me who thinks it. There has been darkness in your  life but the way you continued onwards, doing good to the world which hurt you ... that’s noble. - he heard her voice almost in a echo like fashion as he moved page after page. It did not only ranged from his time in the Howling Commandos but even til now, with recent missions and facts. Everything was there, different journal cut outs, different testimonies. Everything. 

Bucky looked to his side, looked at her who was smiling at the book in his hand which she had put together and he knew. He just knew.

   - Y/N?

   - Hm?

   - Marry me. 

taglist: @disasterbii @lookiamtrying @buckysteveloki-me @americasass81 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @lostinthebeans @mariahthelioness29 @bbabysbaby @peaches-roses-sins @theadorasabditory @sipsteacasually @saiyanprincessswanie @booktease21 @noiralei @learisa @everythingisoverratedbutgreat @uglipotata72829 @naturalthrone22 @husherstan @mandiiblanche​ @vicmc624 @newyorkgoddess @itsallyscorner @chipilerendi @emzd34 @writerwrites​ @bluevxnus​ @that-girl-named-alex​ @captnrogers​ @nsfwsebbie​ @sarge-barnes-sir​

[txdoroki]

mina, jirou, momo relationship hcs

a/n: i feel like there isn’t enough wlw writing content at all on tumblr ... so have some mina, jirou, and momo relationship hcs :)

also i don’t expect this to do well, but there is a huge lack of wlw content, so i wrote it anyways for the ppl who struggle to find wlw stuff. cuz i get it i had to search far and wide for literally any wlw mha stuff :/ it’s the worst bro

also happy international women’s day! be sure to appreciate women and everything they’ve done for society :] (which is a lot!!)

genre: fluff

fem reader | warnings: none | words: 930

unedited

mina

-if you’re more introverted, she’d try and get you out of your comfort zone more often

-would always invite you to hangouts with sero, denki, bakugou, and kirishima

-at restaurants she’d love to order for you :]

-shows you off to people and is like “this is my girlfriend, she’s very fun!!”

-would love to make tiktoks with you. her followers love seeing you in her tiktoks

-she always smiles harder when you’re around, or at least that’s what denki and sero tease her about the most

-absolutely loves hugging you. her love language is touch

-always has a hand somewhere on you. your thigh, your arm, your stomach, your hand. she always needs to be touching you somehow.

-i feel like you both would finger paint together. she’d always badly paint ocean scenes and you’d paint whatever

-loves to put flowers behind your ear and take photos of you

-her lock screen is a photo of you both

-whenever you swap clothes to wear, she kisses the shirt/hoodie you gave her goodnight if she misses you a lot

-often texts you huge paragraphs at like 4 am confessing how you’re her greatest motivator and stuff

-she stays up so late just talking to people and watching tv, only goes to bed early if you say you’re worried about her sleep schedule

-teases you about silly things you say

-is extremely good at comforting you when you’re upset, although not the best with advice. she’s more good at empowering you to treat yourself how you should

-you guys are on facetime most of the day whenever you aren’t at school tbh. you guys talk about anything you think of.

jirou

-whenever you’re sad, she writes you a short song and plays it to you

-common dates are you both hanging out in an empty parking lot, sitting in one of your cars, blasting music that you both know all the words of, and scream-singing it

-ceo of nose kisses

-comes to you whenever she’s stressed and she just asks to hold you/for you to hold her. she loves both

-her comfort scent is roses, so if you wore a rose-scented perfume she’ll adore it

-literally buy a rose perfume and spray it on one of your hoodies and give it to her

-not one for a ton of pda, but will still hold your hand, or whisper little things in your ear about how pretty you look in what you’re wearing

-adores how wowed you are whenever she plays you even the simplest song. it kind of reassures her that she doesn’t have to work super hard all the time

-teaches you how to do your eyeliner rlly cool

-yk that one vid of that one girl laying on her girlfriend doing her makeup? you guys have done that before

-i feel like if you were into cosplay she’d cosplay with you

-is the best at advice. she’s been through a lot that she doesn’t speak of, so she knows how to help you with problems

-you guys have plans to own a quaint bookshop in a foreign country with cats

-you guys love to shop together and get matching outfits even if they’re “cringey”

-buys you a headphone neck pillow and says it’s to ‘remind you of her’

-you both simp for band ppl together

-you guys take so many photos in front of her instruments pls lmao that’s like half of her insta feed

-and the other half are songs she wrote. most of them are about you

-honestly she prefers keeping things private between you both, so unless you’re the one that wants to post a ton of stuff about your relationship, the outside world doesn’t know many details

momo

-always texts you goodmorning and goodnight. spells “i love you” out as well

-even when she’s sick she spells everything out. not exactly perfect grammar and everything, but she isn’t about to type a simple “ily”

-really appreciates whenever you take your time with her and allow her to be a bit anxious about stuff, especially if you tell her she’s not ridiculous for going slow and steady

-makes you small things with her quirk, loves seeing your bright smile whenever she makes you a small dinosaur or a heart frame or whatever it is

-often overworks herself trying to make you as happy as possible, so you try and remind her that she makes you happy even without effort, and it isn’t her job

-you’ve really helped her become more confident with her quirk, always calling it cool and stuff. it means the world to her

-likes having her arms wrapped around you, makes her feel like she’s your hero yk?

-your little words of encouragement motivate her to keep trying

-loves dressing up in fancy dresses with you and having tea parties

-favorite kind of tea is chai. also makes cookies and cupcakes for you both to eat at the tea party

-you often have to tell her that she doesn’t have to be the therapist friend always

-her hugs are warm and cuddly, and she often melts into your arms, especially if you both had a rough day

-she made you a huge chunky yarn blanket that was your favorite color for valentine’s day (not with her quirk, she handmade it)

-you knit toys for the animal shelter together

-she had to convince you not to adopt a kitten one day

-THEY WERE SO CUTE YOU WANTED TO SO BADLY

-whenever you’re sick with anything contagious , she buys an n95 mask just so you both can cuddle because she can’t fall asleep without being near you

taglist : @honeykami @frxggie @definitelynottrin @kiribis-confesion-page @thegayrubberducky

wanna join the taglist? click here!

[troubatrain]

afterglow - k. hayes

a/n: a repost from my old blog!

You were having the day from hell. You were late for a work meeting, which only ended in being berated by your boss for the third time this week. You were positive she was just trying to push you to quit, which is just wonderful. You’d barely been working there a year, and the thing that you sacrificed for that job was one of the hardest decisions you’d ever made. Then, in true New York City fashion, you were six blocks from a subway station and it started to downpour on your walk home. You finally walk into your apartment, kicking off your now soaked beyond belief heels, walking into your kitchen immediately and grabbing a bottle of wine out of your fridge. You sigh, pouring it and taking it into your bedroom.

The worst part of your day was still looming. You pull out a box, filled to the brim with the memories of your past relationship. You called Kevin a week ago, after running into Mika at the Starbucks a few blocks away from MSG. You remembered you had a box with his, and you offered it to him when he came to play the Rangers. You didn’t think you would even get an answer, and you knew Kevin left things everywhere and he’d just replace them like it never happened. You couldn’t even remember how many ties of his would go missing by the time he would come back from a road trip. But, Kevin answered that he would swing by and grab them after his flight landed. You hadn’t seen Kevin since the night you kicked him out of your apartment, far too livid at him to form words.

February 25, 2018

You were on edge all day. Kevin had mentioned to you when you started dating that he might not be in New York all season. You both decided to ignore that, pretending like it wasn’t happening until it was. You had only been seeing each other for a few months, but with Kevin, you knew it would be him forever. 

You stared at the TV in shock, mouth hanging open at the news.

Kevin Hayes traded to the Winnipeg Jets

You didn’t care what the Rangers had gotten in return, you didn’t care about how far away Winnipeg was, you cared that your entire world was just torn apart. You hadn’t been dating long at the time, a mere six months, which put you in a bizarre position about what the future would hold for the two of you. You sat in your apartment in the West Village, waiting for Kevin to make the short trip from Chelsea. 

“Babe?” You hear him unlock the door with the key you’d given him a month ago.

“You’re leaving,” You whisper lowly, not wanting to admit to yourself.

“Y/N, it’s going to be okay, we’ll work it out. You can come with me, in the off-season I’ll sign a new deal and we’ll start making a new home for ourselves,” Kevin says softly, baby blue eyes looking into yours as he kneels in front of you on the couch to get eye-level with you. 

“Kev I can’t just pick up and leave, I have work and a life here,” You tried to explain, you’d moved to New York when you were 18 and headed to NYU, bright eyed and full of hope, and stayed after graduation, building a career for yourself in the city. You loved New York, the culture, the atmosphere, and on most nights the people. You’d just taken your dream job, and you weren’t in any position to give it up.

“I can take care of you, come September we’ll be able to settle down somewhere else,” Kevin whispers, resting his large hand on your thigh.

“I don’t want that Kev!” You shout, not realizing your voice had risen, “I did all of this on my own, I’m not going to let you just take care of me, you know that.”

“Y/N what am I supposed to do? This my job, I don’t have a choice, I told you this might happen,” Kevin shouts back. 

He was right, he told you after your first date that he wasn’t sure if he would even be a Ranger for the rest of the season. His contract was going to expire and the team was in a rebuild, he knew if he had a good season he would be gone by the deadline.

“Kevin, I’m not that girl,” You start, you were upset and you were lashing out at Kevin for even asking you to leave New York, “I’m not going to follow you around and give my dreams for your job.”

“I’ve never asked you to be,” Kevin shouts back, “Can you be the kind of girl who’s there for me?”

“I’m sure you can find her in Winnipeg,” You deadpan, crossing your arms at him. It was the first time you’d ever fought, and most definitely the first time Kevin’s ever raised his voice at you. His face was red, veins popping out of his neck. He was mad, and you were mad that he couldn’t understand where you were coming from. Kevin was more traditional than you, and while it made him a gentleman, it made it hard for him to get that you liked to work.

“You want me to go off to Winnipeg and find another girl?” Kevin asks, his tone harsh, “It would make road trips fun again.”

His last words were muttered under his breath, but that didn’t mean you didn’t hear them. The second the words slipped out of his mouth, you both went silent. His sentence rocked your world. You never thought Kevin would cheat on you, he’d always made it clear to you that he was yours and you were his. But, the way the words fell out so easily made your skin crawl. You wanted to scream, cry, and fight with him for the next day - but you weren’t being given that time.

“Kevin, just go, I’m sure you need to pack,” You say, tears threatening to spill. 

He stands in the doorway, debating whether or not to leave, he looks at you defeated and walks out of your apartment. You sat on the floor of your apartment that night, tears flooding out of your eyes while you wore Kevin’s too big Red Sox hoodie that you loved so much.

--

You wipe a little dust off the box, it's been almost a year since that night. You’d seen Kevin, on the internet at least, not being able to stop yourself from Instagram stalking your ex-boyfriend. You unfollowed all of his friends, and most of his family - only following his sister just because you liked to see pictures of his niece. Which was fine, until she posted a video of Kevin trying to braid her hair when they headed to Winnipeg to visit, and you cried in the bathroom at work. You opened it, trying to even remember what was inside.

You pulled out a few of his hoodies, because his clothes were always thrown around your apartment. You laugh, pulling out the Patriots hoodie you’d borrowed after the first night you crashed in his apartment. You wore it on the walk back, ignoring hollers about the sports team on your chest while you weaved through the streets of Manhattan while you took a walk of shame back to your place. You hold the gray fabric in your hands, remembering the way it felt - soft like Kevin always was with you. You pull out a couple of his beanies, remember how many he would leave at your house and then just buy another because he forgot about it. You pulled out a few ticket stubs, random concerts you’d both been to that you tossed in there when you broke up. Then you hit the two small velvet boxes that you never stopped thinking about.

You pulled out the first box, opening it to reveal the necklace Kevin had gotten you for Christmas. It was so perfect, you were positive Brady’s girlfriend had to have helped him pick it out. You only tried to wear it once after you broke up, but the memories that flooded back when you put it on was too much. Then there was the other box. Kevin had gotten you the most beautiful ring you’d ever seen in your life for your birthday. He claimed it didn’t mean anything, but when his eyes sparkled when you slipped it on your left hand, to try it on in the restaurant you were in, you thought it may mean more than he was leading on. It was your favorite piece of jewelry, the ring was dainty and small just the way you liked it. You were surprised Kevin even picked it out, considering he lived by the motto that the bigger the better, but he told you he knew you needed it when he saw it in a shop window on a roadtrip in Chicago. You drop the box, hoping maybe he would give it to someone else one day, if there wasn't someone else already.

You hear your someone try to buzz into your building and you knew it had to be Kevin. You carry the box with you in the living room, buzzing him in and dropping it on the island in your kitchen. You sigh, hearing his heavy footsteps come down the door, opening it and letting himself in.

“Hey,” You say, your voice small.

“Hey,” Kevin breathes out, you were both nervous which you guess could be a good thing. He looked different, his hair was a little longer and his beard a little fuller. 

Suddenly, as if the universe decided to lay it all on you today, the power in your apartment shuts out, a loud crash of thunder following. You jump, feeling Kevin’s large hands on your shoulders when you do.

“Fuck, give me a minute,” You mutter, running into your room to grab some candles. You spread them around your apartment, lighting them until your apartment wasn’t completely dark.

“All of downtown is in a blackout,” Kevin says, reading the news on his phone, “Like all of it.”

You bite your lip, debating your options. You shouldn’t let Kevin go back out in this weather, and with no power on one half of Manhattan, it wasn’t a great idea. 

“You should stay, til this all blows over,” You offer, gesturing to your island where the box sat.

“That’s my stuff?” Kevin asks, opening the box and smiling at the contents. You watch them sift through the box, a wide smile on his face that could barely make out in the glow of the candles that littered your apartment. His hands gripped the same velvet box you dropped in just before he arrived.

“You should keep these,” Kevin says, “They were gifts.”

“Give them to someone else one day,” You whisper, sitting on your counter while you watched him, “That’s what you wanted right?”

You didn’t realize the words came out of your mouth. You’d been harboring this feeling of resentment for so long, your entire world was crushed in a matter of a night and you just wanted some closure. You thought you could get it by just giving him his stuff back, but it still wasn’t enough.

“I didn’t want that,” Kevin says back, “You said it first!”

“You asked me to be someone I wasn’t Kevin,” You say, your voice rising, “That wasn’t fair to me!”

“It wasn’t fair to me that I had to leave, but I did,” Kevin shouts, “And all I wanted was for you to come with me, because I love you.”

“Do you think that it was fucking easy to let you go? Or that I didn’t spend months of my life regretting it? Because I did,” You yell, tears welling up in your eyes, “Congrats Kevin you win, I was fucking miserable without you and the reason I stayed in New York isn’t working out.”

You stomp into your room, slamming the door and sliding down it. You finally just let yourself cry. About that fucking night. About losing the love of your life for some job that isn’t working out. About ruining your own happiness because you could just compromise once. Kevin knocked lightly on the other side, finally giving up after what was probably his hundredth time, sliding down the other side of your bedroom door.

“It was really lonely up there” Kevin whispers, loud enough for you to hear through the door, “In Winnipeg.”

Kevin talked for an hour. He talked about Winnipeg, how no matter what he did he couldn’t stop thinking about you. How he wishes you could have been there. He talked about his summer in Boston, mentioning how his sister got married and he wished you were there. He talked about how his mom asked about you all summer, but he just kept brushing it off because he couldn’t tell her it was his fault. Which leads up to now, where he is finally getting to the new city he set roots in.

“-I like Philly,” Kevin whispers, “You would too, everyone there is great. You’d love my teammates, and they’d love you.”

“Kev?” You finally say, your voice still trembling, “What happened to us?”

“I don’t know,” Kevin says back, his head tapping the door, “I didn’t mean what I said, I don’t know why I said it, but I didn’t mean it.”

“We were both upset, about everything,” You say back, standing up and opening the door, “I’m sorry for telling you to go find someone else.”

Kevin stands up, his hands finding both sides of your face to wipe away the stray tears that were left, “I’m never going to find someone else.”

“Kevin, I can’t pick up and run off with you,” You say, repeating the same thing you did a few months ago, “Just not right now.”

“Philly is barely three hours away,” Kevin counters, “I’m willing to do it if you are, because I can’t walk out of here without trying.”

You finally place your lips on his, soft and slow at first. But when your hands found the back of Kevin’s neck, playing with the hair that was starting to curl, you could feel him grunt into your mouth and you smiled against his lips because you knew it drove him crazy. That was the point, you knew everything about him because he was yours, and you were his.

[spookysmujer]

Mi Hombre, O. Diaz

Summary: You overhear Monse trash talking about Oscar and you’ve had enough of him being painted as the villain. 

warnings: monse being a hater!, cute s h e t, freak s h e t  👅

word counter: 1.5K

requested by: @un-poetryy​

A/N: I always give the “bad” guys the benefit of the doubt because my attraction to toxic men began with Damon Salvatore LOL. Thank you for requesting, I love trying new things when writing for Spooky, this was fun! SEND ME ASKS/REQUESTS! I finally turned on the Anon option, heh. And don’t forget, please: follow, heart it and leave some comments, reblog and also turn on the notifs for when I post! Lots of love!!

taglist: @clemmingstylins0n​ @fairygardenss​ @firebenderwolf​ @spookysnena​ @princesstiffxoxo​ @mbaku-babygirl​ @chellybear98​ @multiyfandomgirl40​ @i-just-wanna-live-gc​ (please let me know if you wanna be added or removed!)

(Gif doesn’t belong to me, owner unknown!)

The sun is warm against your skin and the slight breeze is adding to a perfect summer day. Now that school is out, the public pool has extended it’s days of operations and hours, so here you are out with you boyfriend’s little brother and friends, tanning and having a relaxing day.

Oscar called you saying to meet him at the pool since he’s really trying to avoid spending any alone time at home with his estranged father. As you await his arrival, you’re laying back and letting the sun fill in the paler parts of your skin due to your bikini straps. And it’s been lovely but you’re starting to lose you’re patience as Monse, Cesar’s toxic ass girlfriend, keeps talking ill about Oscar.

You sigh once more as you try to zero out on the things she is saying about him but it’s getting real hard to bite your tongue the more she goes on. It’s Oscar “Spooky” Diaz and of course everyone has an opinions about everyone. And rightfully so but Monse only says bad things about her boyfriend’s older brother. Every single time it’s something negative. And granted you don’t spend much time with her, it’s sad that she can’t say one good thing.

It’s also when Oscar is never around and the devil is prying to get out of you to say something. Oh, please say something. But you keep your eyes closed and pray that your boyfriend arrives soon. The last thing you want is to cause a scene in a family area.

“I mean he’s been hanging around a lot and it’s just annoying he gotta bring his gang tendencies when it’s been clear as day you don’t want nothing to do with it. Doesn’t he have drugs to sell? or other people to jump into the gang?” Monse says and you huff audibly.

Though you got your eyes closed, you could feel her gaze move to you briefly.

Cesar only sighs as Monse kept on going and that was the tip of the iceberg for you. How can Cesar not defend is older brother? You know the shit the Diaz brothers have been through but to not defend someone who has defended you on countless occasions?

“Seriously? You really going keep talking shit, Monse? I’m convinced you’re obsessed with Oscar since all you ever do is talk about him,” You’ve had enough, you get up and say to her as you stand above them,

Both she and Cesar look up at you, surprised. “I-I, uh, was just saying th-”

“No, you weren’t just fucking saying nothing. You’re trash talking his brother and my boyfriend and it’s shit on me to have waited this long to say something but you’re such a pussy for only knowing how to talk smack when he’s not around.”

She tilts her head to the side and stands to cross her arms over her chest, “I have no problem saying this to his face as well. He must have you whipped if you are too blind to see that all he is is trouble, Y/N. You’re a smart girl, you deserve someone better than Oscar.”

If you could see the world in a single color right now, it’d be red and for Monse it’s about to be black considering you want to pop her one right in the mouth. You’re at a disbelief that she can’t give Oscar the benefit of the doubt considering he has done a lot for his brother and group of friends. Everytime there had been an issue that they couldn’t solve, which was 99.9% of the time, Oscar came in with the save.

You see your boyfriend walk through the gated entrance of the public pool. He makes his way over to the food stand and you smile to yourself, the sight of him always making you melt, “ I am a smart girl, thank you. I’m smart enough to know that no one in this world is perfect. We all have flaws, Oscar knows it too. But you’re quick to forget that if it weren’t for him, you all would probably be 6 feet under next to Lil Ricky, who isn’t even 6 feet under might I add!”

She laughs a little to herself before continuing, “And we wouldn’t have gotten in those situations had Oscar not jumped his little brother into that stupid gang of wannabes anyways! Who does that? Forces his own family into something he didn’t want to be apart of? That’s messed up! And you the complicit one that stands by not saying anything!” Monse says loudly, now catching the attention of those around you. Even Oscar is now looking your way, you and Monse in each other’s faces. 

You weren’t planning to make a big scene about this, you just wanted to call her out on her bullshit peacefully, if that is even possible. But if the shoe fits? You lace that bitch up and wear it.

You scoff and step closer to her face, “Cesar grew up in this life, wake the fuck up, Monse! It looks like a duck, it quacks like a duck, it’s a fucking duck! Think this lil duckling was gonna join the rabbit family and live a peaceful life? That is how the world revolves, that is how people like us survive. Whether you like it or not. Yes, it is messed up. And I can promise you, Oscar never wanted this life to begin with, not for him and definitely not for his brother, whom he raised. Was it a perfect life? No. But it was and still is enough.

“So I swear to God, if you can’t say anything nice please shut the fuck up. Don’t say shit. Because if you wanna point out flaws, let’s all do it, hm? Gather around family and friends, “ You look around and say, “We’re gonna play the What’s wrong with Monse game I’ll start, she’s toxic as fuck! She loves to play the victim, she’s dating a freshly jumped in Santo, which she claims are wannabe gangsters!”

Everyone’s attention is on you now, Oscar is trying his best not to laugh at the situation but when you get argumentative, it’s a damn good time. You have valid points and Monse knows it. The people with the most problems never like to admit them. She has a look of embarrassment plastered on her face.

“Y/N...” Cesar speaks up, also with a look of embarrassment on his face. He scratches the back of his head as he looks around and spots his brother in the distant. Oscar raises his water bottle in the air as a notion of, Salud. 

You cross your arms and wait for him to say something but he only looks down at his feet and rocks on his heels. Monse’s mouth agape at his lack of input, “What’s wrong? You upset he’s not defending you? That’s how complicit ones are, sweetheart. They see the problem and let it go on so long as it’s not personally affecting them. Which means you probably just a piece of culo. And also means he’s a little puto for not defending his brother. A little bitch! Both of you!”

“Hey, hey mamas. Calmate, com’n. Let’s go get some food, hm?” Oscar appears and starts to pull you away as you spew out the last of your words. He can feel your skin is warm to the touch and it is not from the tanning either.

He is smiling like a fool once you two make your way to the stand, “Wow, my lady defends my name even when I’m not around.”

You shake your head and cross you arms, exhaling a much needed breath through your nose. Monse is collecting her things, angrily and storming out to the parking lot. A frantic Cesar following, you look back to Oscar and both laugh.

“Was I too harsh?” You ask him, he shakes his head in disagreement.

“Nah, bout time someone tells her off and you did just that. It’s hot, y’know? Calling them out for talking shit.” You look to him and whack your arm on his stomach, he wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of you head. “What else would my lil traviesa do for me?”

As you tip your head back to answer, Jasmine walks towards the two of you blasting music from her phone.

I don’t wanna spit, I wanna gulp

I wanna gag, I wanna choke

I want you to touch that lil dangly dang that swang in the back of my throat

You look to Oscar and wink at him, feeling the hardness in his swim trunks as you lick your lips. He clears his throat looking at Jasmine that means to leave. She snobs you two and walks off.

“Aye, you gotta walk in front me. He won’t let up.” You look between the two of you and see his boner. Laughing away, you let him trail very close behind you.