#I am not safe from revision hell

[the-weeping-dawn]

///

[glitter-stained]

I have no medical knowledge but JT had me googling the five levels of consciousness I’m like what is this some specific form of hypoactive delirium JT has going on like what is thissss is this based off the movie Awakenings

Hell yeah! I love this ask so much

Let's talk about catatonia

Could Jason's TBI have given him catatonia?

Okay so catatonia is a syndrome that can be caused by either an underlying mental disorder (best known causes are schizophrenia and some forms of depression) or another medical affection (this is what the characters in The Awakenings have!)

I'm basing myself on the DSM-5 revised text here because it's my favourite classification (as shown by the fact I talk shit about it all the time). So, in Lost Days, Talia's hypothesis for Jason appears to be catatonia caused by another medical affection, this affection being caused by the brain damage he sustained. Because this hasn't been proven (i am, btw, very intrigued: does the LOA have MRIs? We know they interrogated the medical professionals who worked on him during his coma, but we don't have any info on that... What do the images say!!! I wanna know!!! And did he have an EEG? 😭😭😭 I wish we had these images... Alas.)

Anyway, so because the medical cause isn't confirmed, the actual diagnosis would be "unspecified catatonia" but that's more of a "eh, can't know for sure" diagnosis so it's not really important.

So I asked the one of my teachers who sees a lot of children and teenagers with TBIs, and he told me that while he couldn't tell me this didn't exist, he had never seen a patient develop catatonia as a result of a TBI. Because my personal hypothesis is a dissociative episode, I also asked my teacher who specialises in trauma if it was possible for dissociation to induce catatonia... He confessed that he wasn't sure what catatonia was and thought it was an outdated category people didn't use anymore and then when I was starting to detail the symptoms he kinda ran away from me in a pretty comical manner... (I'm not kidding, it was very funny). So, safe to say that this man (otherwise a really good teacher, with a great and in-depth understanding of trauma and the psychopathology around it) hasn't seen many catatonic patients lmao. So, that makes catatonia relatively improbable in terms of etiology, but nowhere in the dsm does it say that it's impossible for a tbi or dissociation to induce it, so let's check!!!

[fanficwriterlover]

Safe With A Ghost

18+ Readers Only

Chapter 6: Gone

Summary: Ghost and his team arrive at the targets location, immediately upon arrival something feels off, he doesn't know what to expect until it's happened-

Expectations: Be Advise~ emotional trauma, military talk, guns, fighting, blood, graphic description, killing shooting, etc.

Pet-Names: Little Lamb

Word Count: 3k

════ ⋆Safe With A Ghost MasterList⋆ ════

═════════ ⋆Chapter 7⋆ ═════════

In chapter 5 I did some revising where this chapter will be focusing on after the fact General Shepherd and Shadow Company betrayed 141. This will be the aftermath of the end of CODMW2 the revised edition. This is not accurate but simply for story purposes. Enjoy !

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Finally arriving at the base Ghost felt like deja vu again getting out of the helicopter. It felt like the same thing that happened a year ago. Seeing this time new faces on the team. As he made his way down the halls of the base Price noticed him giving a wide grin. They both clasped each others forearm as Price spoke "Good seeing you again Simon, how's the little one ?" The thought of his son cooing made him smile a bit before responding gruffly "Growing too fast" Price gives a hearty chuckle "Don't they all." He could tell Ghost was still torn for leaving you as he pats him on the shoulder "I am sorry my friend. But I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't serious." This made Ghost pierce into Price's "How serious ?" He asks gruffly. Price seems to be frowning. "That last missile is in Makarov possession" this made him tense. The name was enough to clench his fist as Price nodded his head. "Especially after General Shepherds betrayal, Laswell been pulling strings with the CIA to track his ass but nothing. As of now we need to focus on finding Makarov." He nods his head for Ghost to follow. Couple months back, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Los Vaqueros, were fighting like hell to find who gave Hassan American missiles only to find out it was due to General Shepherd and the Shadow team negligence. The Shadow company was already dealt with, but Ghost was eager to handle General Shepherd. He did not like betrayal.

Following Price to the briefing room, Laswell, Gaz and Soap were waiting with Colonel Alejandro on camera in Los Almas. Once they got settled, Laswell had a screen up as she began "As of now Makarov, is in Paris. We don't know why. He was last spotted going into this warehouse-" on screen showed a security camera footage of Makarov entering the building it was a large warehouse, but it looked like a normal factory setup, completely oblivious to civilians. Laswell continued "from what we've gathered, this old factory has machines, large enough to fit a-" Soap spoke in a grumble "a Missile" Laswell nodded her head "The rooftop even had a dome so it could possibly open if a missile were to launch. As of now, we haven't seen if he's left the warehouse or is staying low within." She looks at everyone's faces "Right now, the priority is to stop whatever he's doing within. If he's in there, we got clearance to detain." Looking at the screen of Colonel Alejandro he spoke "From what we've gotten out of Valerie, it wasn't much..." He seemed annoyed with this "But she won't deny that the last missile could be in his possession. The minute I found out, I immediately reached out." Laswell nodded her head "We appreciate the help Colonel" Alejandro nodded "Good luck mi amigos" with that he ended as everyone stood silent. "You all leave within the next hour, we need to move quickly before something happens. I'll be tracking your movements and updating you whatever we get through comms. Captain Price will be in charge from here on out. " Price nodded his head gripping his vest "Alright, you heard the lady, let's move out" with that, they geared up, with all weapons possible, Ghost was loaded with all sorts of weapons on his vest and attaching some of his knives and pistols to his thigh straps.

Soap was gearing up too along with Gaz as Soap grumbles "I hope we fuckin get this shit done for once and all" Gaz nods his head curtly"Me and you both mate, this is starting to be a pain in the arse" Ghost was silent as he was looking at a printed picture of you holding Colton, was the first day they had brought him home. Ghost remembers clear as day-

You were carrying your infant in his baby chair, he was curled snuggled in it after they just got out from a long car ride. Ghost of course immediately grabbed your infants car seat from your hand as you were trying to carry it "Simon-" he looks at you with sharp eyes "Y/n, you just bloody birthed our baby, I won't have you carrying any more weight." You couldn't help but give a giggle, the whole pregnancy process was painful. Of course you had to carry the heaviest fetus imaginable, getting obviously his father's DNA as you sigh softly "Yes, still very much your fault for taking over the genes" Simon chuckles as you made your way to the door of your new house. Opening it, Simon was carrying all the baby supplies, the baby, and your bag. He was impressively strong. You couldn’t help but admire the man you’ve loved. Setting the baby stuff bag down on the counter before making his way up to the nursery. You followed him closely as he cautiously carried your infant in the car seat up the stairs. Once inside the nursery he looked to you to grab the baby. He seemed so nervous to hold your son. Only admiring him from a far. You grabbed the infant carefully as it cooed as you tucked him in your arms.

Ghost was watching you the whole time seeing you interact with their infant, it was a sight he wanted to log into memory when things got rough. You look up at Simon then walk up to him, he seems nervous but you give him a stern look "Simon, you need to hold your son at least once..." His eyes looked at the tiny bundle in your arms "I can't, what if I-" you give him a gentle look "You won't hurt him Simon...I'll show you how to hold him. Trust me." Words Simon didn't think he'd ever believe especially in his world but he relented to that word for you. You instruct him to cradle his arms which he does, even though his arms were large, you gently transfer your son into his father's arm. Carefully settling your son in his arm.

In that moment Simon was holding your son, carefully, he seemed so surprised how light the little baby was, even though your whole pregnancy, when you needed some back relieving you were (respectfully) heavy. Seeing the infant slightly squirm, you smile watching his reaction "You're doing great." You say softly then lean up kissing his cheek over his mask. He blushed then glance at you "It's thanks to you...for giving me this opportunity to be a father" his eyes soften looking at you as you look back at him "You're already a great father to Colton" looking at you surprised, it was a name he had first offered up when you both were discussing names. You truly were everything to him, and now you blessed him with a son, someone he'd protect his whole life for and want to make the world safe for him to grow up in. "I love you y/n" he looks at you as you pull down his mask smiling at him "I love you too Simon" embracing in a soft kiss with Simon holding the little Colton Riley. Simon then hands you back their son as you take him confused "Where are you going ?" Simon silently leaves the room though leaving you puzzled until he returns holding a camera. He raises the camera emphasizing that's where he went as you tilt you head more, something Simon always found cute when you were confused Cute fuckin American women he thought, then clearing his throat nervously "I want to take a picture of you two, so I can keep it on me whenever I get sent away" the idea pulled a chord with you, it was a cute idea. You smile gently "Okay, I think that's a great idea" he nods his head grateful to be wearing his balaclava still to hide his blush as he snapped the picture, as it was an old time camera that printed the picture out. He started airing it out gently, as you walk over to his side to look at the shot. Simon's heart was proud of the final results, the picture of you holding Colton was everything he needed to remind him of home.~

Snapping back into the present Ghost finished tacking up he slid the picture of you and Colton into his vest as he holds his rifle "Soap, Gaz let's go." He was ready to go. The sooner he finished this mission the sooner he could return to you and his son. Boarding the craft, along with his team and other recruits he sat at the far end with Price taking a spot across from him. Price shouts for the pilot to take off, since everyone was boarded. With a nod, the pilot his some bottom then starts going down the runway until eventually they're up in air.

Arrival In Paris Airport

With clearance, they were able to land in a base to head to their targets building. Getting off the craft they were then escorted by someone Laswell knew to take some vehicles. They were bullet proof humvees, of course Soap was eager to drive "Aye ! I take the wheel LT !" Ghost gave a low grumble "Not on your life Sargent" he was already striding to the front door to get in, along with a gloomy Soap and snickering Gaz, Ghost couldn't help but think They act like a bunch of kids sometimes, once everyone was in, Price claiming "Shotgun" to sit in the passenger seat, they drove their way to their targets building. 5 other vehicles were in tow, keeping a good distance from the building they hide the humvees in plain sight, using their camouflage with the trees. Getting out of the vehicle Ghost watched everyone else get out as he began to check his rifle in hand. Something felt off, he was getting a buzzing sound in his ear. He began looking around his surroundings as Soap spoke "You good LT ?" Ghost was too busy narrowing his eyes in a direction but before he could say his next words all HELL broke loose. They were ambushed, someone ticked off their location. Quickly Ghost dropped down taking fire in the direction the bullets were coming from. He could hear some of his men were getting shot at already as he cursed "Fuck ! Price we need to retreat ! Go !" Price gave him a look "No Ghost we all leave !" Ghost gives him a glare "Price get in the fuckin car, I'll cover you all ! Go !" Price seemed reluctant but got Soap and Gaz to load up, shouting for anyone else to do the same too, there was no way they'd get out, but because they were so distracted with the people in vehicles they forgot their attention on the Ghost. He strided up to were one sniper was laying, coming behind him and slitting his throat. Another solider saw this and came at him to attack he of course out matched the man when it came to hand to hand combat. Effortlessly, pinning the man to a tree and stabbing him repeatedly. Just when he was going to pull away he felt something stung. He was shot in the shoulder looking behind another bullet hit him in the chest but he began to shoot back, until another hit his leg making him drop down to his knees. He was bleeding profusely. His eyes were blurring, just then some black boots were in his line of sight as he noticed it was a hooded man who spoke "Good to see you Ghost" with that, the man hit him with the hilt of his rifle. And that's all Ghost could remember.

Three Weeks Later

You were about to finish feeding Colton only needing a couple more bites. However your son has become a bit of a fighter to eat and often times seeming to enjoy giving you a hard time. Laughing when you take a breath. "Colton Riley, you are just like your father" you let a soft laugh after finally getting him to take the last spoonful into his mouth. You then began to wonder if Simon was alright, you knew sometimes he'd go weeks without saying anything sometimes he couldn't help it. Yet, some reason you felt he would've asked about Colton or if he missed anything. The last message you got from him was that he was at base, departing. Deep down you knew he wouldn't bring his phone on missions, mostly as he said, he didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands. Which is why sometimes he'll send a message through a different phone he buys for a new mission to keep it different. And of course remain anonymous and use it shortly. Just thinking about the pictures you had recently sent him, Colton was sleeping in one of Simon's hoodie's, one Simon would wear casually. It kept Colton calm, and you think it was because it reminded him of his father. Just then you heard a knock at the door. It was soft. You finish cleaning Colton off then head to the door, as another knock came "I'm coming" you let a soft sigh. Unlocking the door and latches, until you saw something that made your heart and stomach dropped. Price, Soap, and Gaz. You frowned confused, Where's Simon ? but nothing came out of your mouth. All the men were giving you a look, a look you absolutely hated, Sympathy "Price....where's Simon...." You mind was scrambling, you then began to process they were in military uniforms....you always heard about this when they wore their formal wear but your mind refused-no your heart refused to believe that's why they are here...Price spoke softly you almost didn't catch it "Listen little lamb, Simon...is M.I.A...." your eyes widen you were gripping the door, you began looking at each of their faces praying that it was a cruel joke. But they didn't...if anything they looked more sad, and guilty ? You didn't even feel the tears falling down "What do you mean M.I.A-" Price walked towards you tentatively outstretching his arm almost ready to give you support, you didn't even piece together. "We lost Simon....we tried but....he's gone Y/n" with that, you knees collapsed under you Price already holding you as you began to cry heavily, you even started screaming but he pressed you into his chest holding you. Gaz and Soap came in hesitantly seeing Colton in his high chair deciding to take him to his nursery so he didn't see you breaking down. In the moment you felt selfish for not keeping your composure for your son, but it hurt so much. Your Simon, gone ? It wasn't supposed to end like this.... you were wanting Simon to come home and retire and watch Colton grow up together. For over an hour you cried at the doorway in Price's arms, unmoving, broken, and distraught. He let you though even when you screamed and hit at him on his chest "Why didn't you bring him home !" Or "Simon!" Or "You fuckin idiot you were supposed to come home !" Everything that came from your heart poured out from true heartache. But Price said nothing. How could he ? He was feeling guilty for leaving Ghost, and when they tried to find him again they only found his dog tags, covered in blood. A part of Price wanted to cry to, but he wanted to be strong for you. It was something he promised Simon-

Ghost came to his office one day, it was late at night, of course he never slept. He spoke gruffly "Price." Price looked up from the papers he was filling out "Oh Ghost it's you, sit down" but Ghost didn't move he stood staring at him. Price noticed this it's when he figured it was something important he wanted to say. He sat back looking at Ghost setting his pen down "What is it you need Ghost ?" He just stared at him, processing considering it's when he spoke "I need you to promise- no swear something to me." His eyes stared at him with something Price couldn't figure out "Okay, what is it ?" He asks curiously wondering what it was that he'd ask for, he usually wasn't someone who wanted to make promises or have someone swear on something that was until he heard the reason. "Swear to me, if something happens to me, that you would watch over y/n and Colton" Price's eyes looked wide. He saw you as his daughter and Colton as his grandson the notion of Simon even asking made him more surprised. "You're not someone to easily be killed Simon, I don't think that'll -" but Ghost cut him off "I need to hear those words !" It made Price eye him intently, this was the first time Simon showed any emotional attachment, you really were special. A moment of silence filled the room until Price stood up "Simon "Ghost" Riley, I promise and swear to you, if anything happens to you, I'll look after y/n and Colton in your stead." Price could see Ghost's shoulders loosen and slightly drop, almost like he was holding weights he said nothing only nodding his head. Price grabbed his shoulder "You're not going to die on me Simon. Not ever."

Yet here Price was, holding your whimpering body, he just held you, you were becoming exhausted from crying and screaming though. Slowly, he convinced you to stand up, closing the door behind him, carried you to the shared bedroom laying you down, you didn't fight. You looked frozen in place. But he watched you slowly pass out from exhaustion. He left the shared room only to see Soap and Gaz come out of the nursery. Soap spoke in a low tone "How is she ?" Price looked in your direction "She's passed out..." No words were spoken. But the sight of you hurting made Price feel like a failed father. His eyes became cold. "I'm calling Laswell" as his mind thought but the words didn't come out I need to keep trying to find Simon, no matter the cost, dead or alive.

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Thanks for Reading !

Okay I was crying writing this chapter honestly, legit, I had to take an extra day to compose myself. I'm sorry, but we all gotta cry together....chapter 7 coming soon !

ꨄ︎Taglist: @jadama20 @lunamoons-posts @babygirl-panda19 @kat-nee @marshallowy @bi-witch-bxtch @unit-1021 @wwe1rdc0re @crazy-phan-girl13

[quills-of-freedom]

Short Story ~

Happy 💕

Female Bodied Reader X Reiner Braun

Tag list request info here 🐙

Reiner Braun is such an amazing person, inside and out. You just need to show him how special he is because he sure as hell doesn't realise it.

Themes: Praising, softness, fluff, pleasing.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff. Soft Tenderness. Smut. 18+

Your eyes close as you allow your mind to freeze this beautiful moment. To somehow imprint it into the sands of time, to last forever and be revisited at will.

Your significant other, Reiner Braun, is on top of you on your soft bed. Both are fully clothed yetfeelg nothing but connected as his thumb lazily grazes over your bottom lip. You can see his honey orbs taking in every detail on your skin. Studying you over, like he’d done so many times before. It’s like he was refreshing himself, revising every fleck in your eyes, every beauty mark on your skin as his other hand freely paws softly at your hair.

He marvels at the nebulas within your orbs as your pupils flicker and dilate; the beauty of your iris reminding him of the deep wounds that gash the heavens revealing the insides of the cosmos… Those twinkling things people call stars.

He’s trying to verbalise his feelings - his mind a clustered mess. How was it even possible to put what he was feeling into words? What words would do his heart justice? How many syllables could fill the void of his yearning body and soul? He craved you. Your smell. Your touch. Your smile… You made him excited for the future; one usually so bleak and empty, is suddenly bright and promising with you by his side. His only desire is to keep you safe and happy, to protect you with his life and to start a family with the person he loves so dearly.

That’s it

“I am hopelessly in love with you, y/n.” The words breeze from his mouth. So simple yet the only possible way he could tell you how much you mean to him.

Your heart melts, his large form ever so gently holding you in the safest place on earth - his arms.

“I love you too, Reiner.” You reply with such intense honesty, his lids close and his lips curve into a smile.

What did he do to deserve to have you? Nothing, he was sure. He felt like he was cheating the universe in some way, stealing a pure godess from the heavens with his dirty and tainted hands. Hands unworthy of you.

You could read it in his face. His usual thoughts of inferiority and unworthiness. A parasitic idea that had latched itself into his consciousness and refused to let go. Only you would ever make him feel like the Helos he was. It’d be a long road, but you were more than willing to hike it to make him feel whole again.

You press your lips to his, your hand reaching down and tugging at the bottom of his shirt. He helps you remove it, unveiling the perfect body beneath - his large pectorals and solid abs moving along with him as he now nuzzled his face into your neck, inhaling your intoxicating scent. The warmth of his body rolled off him, coating you in his essence, every fiber of your being is screaming at your body to allow this man to father your children.

His large paw slides under your shirt and onto your breast, his deep, ragged breathing in your ear making you want to just inhale him into your entirety.

So you do.

You turn your head and catch his mouth into a kiss, your tongue entwining with his as he pulls at your nipple with his large fingers, thumbing it and rolling your breast, a deep groan unintentionally escaping him.

He sits you up and removes your shirt, his mouth trailing kisses and nips down your body as you lie back down. You jerk and laugh softly as his teeth graze down your ribs, tickling you along with his facial hair grazing against your sensitive skin.

He laughs softly with you, that jovial gleam in his eyes as he continues down, hands now pulling at your pants, his mouth following them down your legs and to your ankles. He holds your now bare calf up in his hands his face furrowed and desperate while his mouth caresses your leg, moving up the inside as he leans down towards your bloom.

He starts with a soft kiss, his thumbs running up just on the outside of your lips and up to your groin, the warmth of his fingers so close to your entrance makes you gasp.

He worships you as he begins to work you with his tongue. His thumbs rubbing circles into your inner thighs as his tongue tastes your nub again and again. This pussy is the gateway to feeling as close to you as possible - to meld yourselves into one and for him to be encased so lovingly by you. This pussy was worthy to be worshiped. The gateway that would one day bring his and your children into the world. The part of your body he knew he could make you feel amazing, even if his words had trouble forming. He could always show you how much you mean to him by now he fucks you.

Your back arches as he teases your entrance with a finger; stroking it ever so gently while continuing to drink from your clit. Glancing down you see his eyes piercing yours, his head between your legs and his eyes pleading.

His finger slides inside, your moan sweet and longing as his large digit instantly begins to coil and spring at your G-Spot, the mapping of your body all too familiar for your lover.

Wait.

You want to make Reiner feel special. To feel even the smallest amount of the overflowing love you have for him.

“Come here…” You whisper, holding out your arms.

He tears himself away from you, his the back of his hand rubbing his mouth dry as you sit up and turn him, laying him onto his back.

His trousers are bursting with the shape of his large, solid cock; so you set it free, removing his clothes and putting his large sex into your dainty hand.

His breathing is deeper now - quivering with anticipation as you bring your face closer to it, your tongue running from the base, right to the very top. Reiners toes curl as you do it again, tasting his sweet pre cum that flowed from his head as you slowly swallow down and push him as far as he’d go down your throat.

“Sh—it…” He gasps, his hands aimlessly circling the sheets beneath him, eyes shutting at the constriction around him. You hum in response to his joy, sucking and bobbing your head, making sure that seal around him was tight - your cheeks hollow and eyes close as you devour him little by little.

As you attempt to suck him dry, his hands fumble around for something - anything to grip on to, not one for pushing your head down. Instead he settles for just holding your hair, gathering it in his hands to make sure it isn’t bothering you by falling onto your face.

“Y/n… Shit…” He breathes, his legs tensing and relaxing with every stroke of your tonsils against his pipe.

He lets out a long groan, eyes closing and head throwing back, his large adams apple bobbing as he gulps in more air, the veins in his arms protruding up from his skin as he hisses your name under his breath newest clenched teeth.

“You’re so good at that, baby…” He comments, your pace remaining painfully slow.

He looks down to see your beautifully tragic eyes, streaming with water and blinking up at him. The dark side of Reiner Braun estatic that his dick is the thing ruining that pretty face of yours.

You hold in your wretches, breathing deeply from your nose but your throat still spasmed around him, his shaft now coated in your saliva as you now pick up a little speed.

To your surprise he pulls up your head, his longing cock fit to burst as he rolls you onto your back, fingers lacing into yours as he slowly pushes himself into you with a deep groan.

His hands then cup your face, his broad back and shoulders hunched as he slowly thrusts into your smaller form.

“Reiner… You’re so perfect.” You whisper from hazed eyes.

His heart swells at those words, his nose rubbing against yours.

“You’re so brave. And funny.” You whisper, running your fingers through his blonde strands. “Kind. And loving. Interesting. …Smart.”

His eyes look pained with every word you utter, his internal wounds and doubts may take a lot to heal, but your loving words definitely began the process. He holds your hand, pulling it up to his chest over his thudding heart, keeping himself propped up on the other as he continues to melt into you.

“You’re amazing. You’re so so loved. So special. I need you…” You begin to get desperate, your hips starting to buck with his thrusts as your insides begin to clench.

“Y/n…” He groans, his eyes begining to water both from the intense pleasure and how great you were making him feel. “Fuck…y/n… I love you, baby.”

He falls down back into your neck, his hands re-tying into yours as the wet sounds of his large length shucks in and out of you.

“Do I feel good inside you? Huh? Do I fill you up nice and good?”

“y-yes…Reiner!”

“I love this pussy. Urgh.. ah… It’s so… tight and.. umph”

His vocals waver as his pleasure ascends him higher, his drool begining to cover your neck.

“You take me so well, princess.” His grip of your hands tighten as your cunt snaps the tether that keeps you in reality, you orgasm exploding around him, insides dancing and flexing, clamping him in place when you feel his thick seed shoot against your cervix.

“Reiner!” You cry, back arching as he grunts loudly.

“fuck! Tss ahh… Lemme fill… you up!” He groans in your ear, his eyes crossing as you cling onto one another for dear life.

You weren’t sure how long you’d both been undone. But from the sheer amount of white liquid Reiner had unloaded in you, you’d guessed it was for a while as he holds onto you for dear life, peppering you with kisses, already sliding into needy and clingy mode.

“You make me so happy…” He whimpers helplessly, rubbing his face over yours.

And really… That’s all you’ve ever wanted.

[swifty-fox]

Send me a fic of mine and I'll answer...

A Kingdom for a Kiss?

THIS GOT SO LONG I AM SORRY

My favorite scene

oh god that is so hard to choose.

I think honestly chapter eighteen/the second sex scene is my favorite scene. It is the culmination of so many issues in Gale's psyche, especially around John and Gale's perception of their dynamic. Taking all that and flipping it right on its head.

Previously in the story Gale is so obsessed with the ways he is not like John in terms of his masculinity and terms of how he expects John to be in bed. Every fantasy of his is tinged with shame and twisted in terms of gender and role because Gale cannot picture himself as an active participant. It doesn't feel safe for him because it feels too unrealistic for John to ever want him as a man, so he pretends to be a woman in his fantasies to ground him (comphet is a hell of a drug)

We do see briefly in one fantasy that Gale does want to take charge in bed but it scares him, feels too close and too real so he shies away from it. Chapter Eighteen is all about him coming to terms with his own desires. And also John is a really fun bottom to write

My favorite chapter (if it's a multichapter)

Lmao the book fingering chapter. It was fun to just let loose and do something really unhinged. Plus any scene/chapter where I got to write Gale and John Sr. interacting was just really fun they had a ton of chemistry as characters and were just a blast to bounce off of each other.

Hardest scene to write

Honestly the whole story flowed relatively easy. I think my biggest struggles were the James chapters just because I wanted to get the tone/intention and dynamic exactly right between Gale and James. I needed to make it clear that Gale was willingly putting himself in a situation that was going to trigger/mentally harm him. He was committing an act of self harm, just with sex instead of some sort of physical wounding. And that while James was not a great guy he was as far as he could tell, receiving full consent from Gale. So that chapter went through a couple revisions and was sent to a lot of people for review

Favorite character to write in the fic

John Sr.!!!! I think he's a delightful foil to Gale and John. I think he can be very easy to hate and be angry at because we care so much about John, but when you get into his head a bit you see a man who was making harmful choices but was doing what he thought was best because he is also deeply traumatized and hurting. He Is John and Gale, in essence. He's them twenty/thirty years in the future and he's them if they were not able to find community and safe space to talk about their experiences in the war. His brothers were killed, his parents died/killed themselves he left for war with a full family and came home to just a wife and a young son who didn't recognize him.

I have so much love and empathy for him and it was totally unexpected. Does he make great decisions? no. Is he trying his best to not just be a father to John but also to Edie and a good husband to his wife? Absolutely he is.

Favorite dynamic to write in the fic

Aside from Clegan obviously, It's Gale and John Sr.

I think like John says in the opening theme they're very similar men deep down. I think they're able to communicate in ways the more emotional Bucky is not able to with his father. While they always loved each other I think there was always this slight issue of communication between them where they just don't quite get one another.

Gale, with his observational ability and honestly, some level of fear of John Sr. (older fatherly men etc.) he's very attuned and attentive not just what John Sr. is saying out loud but also what he is not saying. There's a lot of nonverbal communication between them that is fun to write between the lines.

Why I chose that title

My body turns

And yearns for a sleep that won't ever come

It's never over

My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder

It's never over

All my riches for her smiles

When I've slept so soft against her

obviously pronouns changed, but this is the part of the song I pulled the title from. The song is just all about yearning and a missed opportunity which is I think a very central theme to Kfak. Obviously it works out for them too but god it took a second to get there!

A fun fact about the fic

Fun fact ooo lets see...

John calls his dad Pops because it's time period appropriate but also that's what I called my grandfather! It feels like a nice little hello to him every time I write it and it's a fun way of keeping my memory of him alive and fresh. John Sr. is not like my pops at all but either way it makes me smile to type

[vizishereig]

10 and 33? any ship you want :)

omg, I am so sorry this took so incredibly long nini ;-; spent too much time waffling over what I wanted to write wah. can't remember exactly what prompt list this was from, but I do know it was something like 50 prompts to show affection or smth.

(takes place in a Beauty and the Beast Au, but with some differences. the rose is a crystal, and everyone in the castle is infected with some form of the Mold. the crystal keeps the infection at bay)

10 and 33, Lingering Hugs and First Dates

After all is said and done, Leon feels light. No more threats hung over their heads, no secrets being kept from him. He feels surprisingly okay, given the events that occurred.

The castle is a mess, doors splintered, tapestries ripped, furniture broken. Blood stains the once pristine halls, but it doesn’t matter because everyone is alive.

Alive and no longer able to be controlled by Miranda, because ding dong, the wicked bitch is dead.

Leon snickers at the thought as he wanders the halls, steps light, shoes catching on broken glass and crunching. Everyone is holed up in the library, tending to wounds. He left Sherry there with them, trusting Claire to take care of her.

Well, let’s revise that. Almost everyone is there. Except one recently beast turned man.

Crunch, crunch, crunch. Glass crackles and breaks under his feet as he heads to the room.

The door is open, just barely. There’s more glass on the floor, some of it dimming from a vibrant green to black. The crystal that had kept the residents of the castle sane, despite being infected.

There’s a silhouette of a person in the door leading to the balcony.

“Chris?” Leon calls, more glass crunching underfoot. A hum answers him, the sound tired. Leon frowns a bit, finally coming up beside him.

“You know you don’t have to guard here anymore. It’s over,” he tries, gently prodding his arm.

He makes a small noise of surprise when he’s brought into a hug, but is quick to get comfortable, slotting his head into the crook of Chris’s neck. Chris mirrors him, nose poking the nape of Leon’s neck as he takes measured breaths.

Now Leon is a bit concerned.

“Chris, c’mon. What’s wrong?” Leon asks, and something must bleed into his tone, because Chris huffs, warm air fanning out against his neck.

“Nothing. It’s just. It’s over,” Chris says, the sounds slipping out like a gust of air, relief evident in his voice. Chris suddenly stiffens, pulling away from the hug, looking Leon over.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, big guy,” Leon says, trying not to laugh as big hands gently pat him down. Chris sighs his relief, tipping his head forward to press a kiss against his forehead, then moving on to pepper his face with kisses. Leon’s

“I think I’m always going to worry about you after that stunt you pulled. Leaving the walls? You had to have known that Krauser was lying to you,” Chris scolds, but he sounds tired. Tired and a little scared, even though it’s all over.

Leon shrugs, bringing his hands up to hold Chris’s face, thumb brushing under deep eye bags, from years of guarding the one place that kept him and his family safe. Leon hadn’t been here for long, but he had a taste of it. The unending loyalty and love that each person in this castle shared.

“I was willing to take that chance. What I wasn’t willing to have happen was the crystal failing and everyone here getting turned into the things out there,” Leon replies with a little shrug. Chris opens his mouth, to argue probably, but Leon shuts him up by brushing his thumb over his lips, which are chapped to hell and back. “C’mon. You can argue later, when everyone is better rested and not riding the high from surviving the night.”

Chris rolls his eyes but leans forward to press his lips to Leon’s. “Fine. And when we’re done with that I’m taking you on a proper date. Not that whole… skirting around each other thing we did before.”

Leon quirks his lips into an amused smile. “Yeah? A proper first date?”

Chris nods, pressing one last kiss to his mouth before they exit the room. That warm feeling is back, lingering as they walk through the ruins of the castle, towards the library. Their hands clasped together, glass crunching under their feet. Reaching in front of the library, opening the door.

Everyone is inside, all of them more or less safe. Leon feels whatever tension that’s left in Chris drain away as he walks towards them, bundling Claire up in his arms. She melts into the hold, the two of them murmuring to each other. Sherry is asleep behind them, probably exhausted from the day’s events.

He looks around the library, also relaxing. Carlos and Jill are in one corner, chatting with each other as Jill wraps Carlos’s arm with gauze, tending to the cut. Rebecca is watching them from the bench by the windowsill, looking ready to fall asleep. Karl, one of Miranda’s old charges, has an arm slung over Ethan’s shoulder, face buried in blonde hair. Rose is babbling in Ethan’s arms, reaching for the man’s fingers as he dangles them in front of her face, keeping her occupied.

Everyone is safe and tomorrow, they’ll deal with the damage. But right now? Right now, they’ll rest.

[lotusmi]

lotusmiii.. i really need your help. so a few weeks ago while i was in a mental hospital my mom went through my phone, my room and literally anything i owned (because they are required to do that without your permission sadly…) as she saw my manifestation list which was literally everything that was going to be in my dream life (and basically i planned on being a whole different person (from past, to parents, to my physical looks, my personality, where i live- you name it) and im guessing she showed the staff and my mental hospital doctor too and while i was there they were giving lessons based off of the things that were on there (“insecurities”, “learning/forgiving mistakes”, even some of the mental health numbers i texted in a crisis) cause they also do that.. but the problem is everytime i think of my dream life list or whenever i see something that reminds me of what i wrote (ex. my desired body) i cant stop thinkin about them seeing it.. like i tried to revise it but i failed on changing self because i couldn’t stop thinking about it and feeling all type of emotion (like guilt, embarrassment and so and so).. idk it really makes me feel hopeless of manifesting my dream life just thinking about them seeing it all. idk i just really need help and this is fucking up my mental health even worse when it comes to terms of manifestation

kind long post, read it fully to know one of my success storys! :)

Look, I used to be completely afraid of my parents discovering things about me. I would keep imaginating what they would thought or if they would punish me. The fact is, always when I was doing something I did not wanted to be discovered, I would be thinking like "oh so certain they seeing, I am so sure they will discover" etc. And hmm.. What men gives in their imagination is always reflected, right? They always discovered, I always was punished. They discovered about my previous sub channel, my mom read all my manifesting lists too. She thought I was part of a cult. It was hell like. I was so afraid of her.

The point is, as I learned the law and I learned everyone is me pushed out. I learned I could change their behavious towards me by changing their behaviours within me. So i stopped wondering "what if they discover, what if this that..."

”Don’t hold onto anything on the outside; hold on only in your imagination. If something is taken from you, it is because at one time you assumed its loss and for a moment wondered what you would do if it were. You forgot the thought (the assumption made and felt real), but its message had already been released to fulfill itself." - Neville Goddard

By constantly assuming my mom would discover and punish me. By constantly imagining how would she punish me, I was always and always punished, humiliated, etc. It was depressed by daily hearing my mom joking aroud saying stuff like "Oh is my skin more white? i just listened to a biokinesis video". I was literally obligated to confess "my sins" becaus of this "whichcraft" and the "cult". Literally, she wanted even to follow my thoughts, I was obligated to be catholic etc.

✉ So my advice IS do not re-think and remember, or even wonder if a person discovered something or if a person will punish you, judge you. DON'T EVEN WONDER. Why? because you will start feeling worry and afraid, and because you feel this emotions, you would start thinking that that you are imagining will manifest, and I know exaclty how it feels. That's why I am saying this. So if the thought of "oh but they saw", or even "oh but what she is thinking of this" cames, tell yourself IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, IT IS DONE. I AM SAFE. And ignore those thoughts, thoughts don't manifest, states do. What is a state? A state is what you indentify yourself having or being. So tell yourself that those things will not happen and they won't, since what you do in imagination is reflected! What they doing, thinking? WHAT YOU WANT. They don't know it! Black point!

♡ My SUCCESS STORY DOING THIS:

Back at december, I really wanted to have Neville Goddard books. I really wanted. So I have a kindle (it's like a tablet with ebooks), and I found this ebook with all Neville works, so I downloaded. I was really afraid my dad would saw it since of all shit I had to deal in past, but I was assuming he won't see. The problem is, It was a free sample of only 20% of the ebook, and as most of you know, amazon has this BUY WITH ONE CLICK option, and I BOUGHT BY ACCIDENT! That's when I got super anxious, I BOUGHT THE E-BOOK! It was kinda of expansive in my country coin and I know my dad would question me about it, he would receive the email and see the book.. He would ask me about it! I was so worried!!! But then I put myself in track, and even doubting, I told myself he won't see and he won't bother me. I kept telling this to myself and affirming to keep myself in the state that I was safe. I control my reality. I sent amazon a return request but it occoured an error, I was so worried at this point because i was afraid he see that.

At the end, he saw. He really did. But he only said "did u buy this ebook?" i said "yea, it was by accident, I sent the return request". Then he ignored and never talked about this anymore.

The SUCCESS part is: I STILL HAVE THE EBOOK. I have the ebook with all Neville works and all lectures (more than 400) FOR FREE! So that's most it! We are the power and we decided what will happen to us or how people will treat us. :)

[gaslightgallows]

September 2023 Writing Round-Up

I just checked my tags, and I haven't done one of these since… three years ago. Exactly three years ago yesterday (9/29/20), to be precise. Which was pretty much when my mental health and my personal life started to crumble in earnest, and it took my desire to write for public consumption along with it.

Most of what I did for the rest of 2020/2021 were either struggling to finish works in progress (and largely failing) or archiving stuff from my LJ days. I didn't post anything in 2022. I was still writing (a lot) but it was either for Patreon (…fuck, right, I have a Patreon) or it was personal, not meant to be shared.

And then Good Omens came back and ended up being really fucking relevant to my life, and @meldanya44 was there urging me to get back into writing for other people besides her. I think it was a good idea, over all. ♥

So… yeah. Thanks, Good Omens fandom, for reminding me that writing is meant to be shared, and that I am a prompt-based lifeform. (I'll be putting up a new prompt list tomorrow, if anyone wants an artisanally crafted bespoke ficlet of their very own.)

Anyway, here's what I did in September:

Authorial Intent (G, one-shot): Michael’s plan to erase Aziraphale from the Book of Life has certain… flaws. A revision of the final season of S2 Ep6, where the Metatron does not make an appearance. (Actually posted at the end of August but this is my list and it counts. Written very shortly after I finished S2 for the first time. Effervescing with joy.)

Put Out the Stars (T, currently a one-shot, planning to continue): Crowley stole the photo of himself and Aziraphale from the shop a long time ago. (Inspired by one of @fellshish's asks. Angst angst angst… with more to come!)

An Invisible Wound (T, one-shot): “I almost killed you tonight.” “I almost got you killed tonight.” Their first kiss, soft and futile, is in 1941. (Bittersweet canon-compliant 1941 truthers unite.)

After the Rain (T, one-shot; for @meldanya44): The Second Coming has come and gone, and Crowley was calling him ‘angel’ again. (Wonderful quiet post-series fluff.)

Like Petals in a Storm (M, currently a standalone but working on a sequel; for @meldanya44): Between the discorporation and the almost-execution, Aziraphale’s having a bit of trouble keeping body and soul together. (My reputation-mandated 'one partner helps another bathe' fic.)

The Taste of Salt (G, one-shot; for @iamhisgloriouspurpose): The lingering taste of ox ribs are bitter and rich in Aziraphale's mouth, and he isn't sure what he believes anymore. (Continues the 'I'm not taking you to Hell, angel' scene in the Ep2 minisode. Nice and angsty. No one seems to like this one and I'm not sure why.)

Pipe Dream (G, one-shot; for @unwholesome-gay): All Aziraphale has ever wanted is to give heaven back to Crowley. (Domestic fluff about Aziraphale buying the South Downs cottage for Crowley. Fun fact: I struggled to write this and finally posted it in dismay and tried to forget about it. And then my inbox exploded with HEARTS, so I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought.)

The Patience of Angels, Chs 1-4 (M, multi-chapter WIP): An old enemy is on the hunt for the demon known as Crowley, and it will take all the powers of one very protective angel to save him. But in keeping Crowley safe, Aziraphale will uncover more of the terrible truths of Heaven than he ever wanted to know. (The longfic I first conceived of in 2019 and then never got around to finishing enough to post, and am now trying to revise the HELL out of in real-time because the original version doesn't work anymore. I love this fic with a burning passion and hope it finds an audience someday… which it probably will if I can update it, y'know, more often than once a month…)

Fics Posted: 8 Word Count: 28,182

I'm never going to be as prolific as I was when I was in the MCU fandom and had a much less-hectic job, but I'd call that a decent comeback. Thanks, everyone. ♥

[alesyira]

'tis but a scratch

this spoilery bit of content happens much later on in villain, and by the time we actually get there, that whole story will have been revised a ton to correctly align with the prequel content i've been working on lately.

I'm quite mad that i cannot figure out how to format this like i want to, so extra spaces it is.

With all the destruction i'm writing this week with Mirio's prequel oneshots, there was a joke about how he'd need to retire and run off to hawaii when he eventually gets rid of OfA, and I made the offhanded comment that he'd better run before Hitoshi catches him after Mirio hurts Izuku ...

look if you've seen half of the painful content i've been shoving at the server you'd totally understand why people were like OH NO IZUKU

look, here, he's fine(ish)

The beginning of the end, for Izuku, occurs on a sunny afternoon. 

Or is it the end of the beginning?

With his hand tucked into the crook of Hitoshi's elbow, he hangs on with a quiet sort of joy at being escorted to the market for groceries. The tail end of his capture weapon clings to the back of his neck and trails beneath his shirt, smoothing over his skin in a slow pattern that never stills. They are in the middle of a quiet discussion about what they might make for dinner when Izuku notices the scent of ozone. 

And then,

nothing.

He isn't usually lucid for these strange daydreams. 

snips of screaming

 

blankness

overlapping voices

hey, look

come with us

warm 

cold 

wet 

nothing

home

destiny

When he rouses from his moment, it turns out it wasn't a moment. He aches from head to toe. His mouth is like a desert, parched and dry. There's a vague coppery taste in the back of his throat. His eyes feel like they've been glued shut.

He has no idea where he is. Things are fuzzy around the edges. There's a quiet beeping from his left, and on his right...

the warm slide of Hitoshi's capture weapon drifts along his arm. His hand twitches, wanting to grasp something that he knows is safe. If that's here, then-

"Izuku," Hitoshi whispers. 

The knot of stress in his chest loosens minutely. He's here. 

"Stay still. I've got you."

He'd really like to know where he is and what's going on, but Hitoshi's fingers pressing against his palm will suffice for now. 

"You were nearly crushed by a hero crash-landing right next to you."

He quirks an eyebrow. Hitoshi correctly interprets it as a request for more information. "Hero's okay, probably. At least, they're fine from that impact. Whatever's wrong with them otherwise is a different story."

His brows scrunch low. His lips twitch into a frown. 

"Lemillion."

The word is enough to make him choke on his next breath. The last time he'd seen that hero in person had been a terrifying day. 

Twice now, though.  Twice he'd had an encounter with the hero, and twice he'd had - well... apparently a rough day. 

His lips part. He wants to ask for water, but no sound escapes. 

What the hell happened to me?

An ice chip sweeps slowly across his lower lip.

"Ah, don't cry," he hears Hitoshi gently admonish. "You're already dehydrated enough." 

Water drips between his lips, terribly slow. He wants to suck down an entire gallon of water, but he doesn't think he'd be able to lift a cup, let alone swallow right now.

"You've got an IV in with some fluids. It should help."

Where the hell am I?

He manages to crack open his right eye, but his vision is blurry. 

Gentle whispers echo in the farthest corners of the room, so vague he's not sure he's understanding the words.

homesafehereours

[ladysomething]

The most recent chap of where you go, I go was incredible, you are truly the most talented!!!!! I could literally fill up your inbox talking about this fic, I love it so much and I literally don’t have all the words to express how obsessed I am with it!!! And your other f1 fics!! Everything you write is so amazing!!

I love how much tension/suspense there is in wygig, and I’m having so much fun trying to figure out what I think is going to happen later in the fic based on the hints (or at least what I think are hints lol) you drop in each chapter, and just based on how each new chapter unfolds. Like, in the most recent chapter, Max made the comment about how he’s seen an omega go through mate withdrawal before, and I think that tells us a bit more about what Kelly was going through. And the way Christian seems weirdly informed about Max’s plans and intentions with Charles’ could just be Max being close to his boss, but combined with the clear distaste and distrust Max has for Charles’ current team, I am incredibly excited to see what’s going to happen once they make it to a racetrack. And then in chapter 3, Charles’ dad told Charles that alphas presentation can be triggered, and then in ch4 Max says that his path to this moment started when he was 13 and presented as an alpha? Did Charles’ trigger Max’s presentation 👀 I can’t wait to find out! youre so good at weaving in hints, that I never actually know when something is a hint though, it’s never obvious and it keeps the fic so exciting.

And I also love the way seemingly tiny details show up again (like in chapter 2 when Charles throws the flowers over the balcony and max makes note of the empty vase in ch4), it just makes your writing seem so thoughtful and cohesive.

and I’m not a writer at all, but I love learning about the behind-the-scenes process. So I’m v curious if you don’t mind sharing some details about how you keep track of everything you have/haven’t revealed, how you decide what hints to drop or details to mention, how far advance do you plan all of it, etc.? And it’s probably way too early to share anything about wygig, but if you have any fav bits of foreshadowing or tiny recurring details from any of your other fics then I’d love to know what they are!! Only if you don’t mind sharing ofc <3

this ask got way out of control, i am so sorry, I just admire the hell out of your talent and cannot contain my excitement for your writing

this was the best thing to wake up to this morning.

I'm going to answer below the cut so I don't clog people's feeds because I want my answer to be as long as your beautiful ask!

firstly ... there are a LOT of hints, even in the first four chapters. you can probably safely assume that if it made you go "hmm" then it's going to come up again at some point.

I love the examples you came up with! I will confirm that they are all hints, however .... the conclusions you drew were not all correct. some were, but some weren't. you'll just have to wait to find out which is which 😊

I LOVE that you noticed the vase thing! whenever I read stories I'm always so bad at picking up on those details, but when I write them they're all so deliberate so I'm always amazed and delighted when people see them.

in terms of how I keep track of everything ... well for this story I have the amazing and gorgeous @saiyanwitcher helping me. this story wouldn't be half of what it is without her. I would say like 1/4 is me remembering details, 1/4 is her remembering details, and then 1/2 is the very detailed outline we have. it's 10 pages long.

here is a heavily redacted screenshot of ch 1 in the outline.

from there, I just kind of ... put it together and write. and then make a note of little details that need to be revised.

in terms of how I decide what hints to drop when, I would say there's a mix of reasons. some of it is just what the plot and characters demand, but then other times it's just my instinct, and other times it's just sheer experience. I've been writing for a long time - you kind of learn along the way what makes sense and what doesn't. but I also read a LOT, and when I read I take fairly extensive notes of things I liked and didn't like, and that always informs how I write, too.

in terms out far in advance things are planned, I would say it really depends on the story. WYGIG for example has been quite meticulously planned since SaiyanWitcher came to me with the idea of an omegaverse fic. so we know pretty much everything there is to know about the fic and how the plot progresses.

I like to have written a few chapters before I post, because sometimes when I start to write the vibe changes and I need to be able to go back and adjust little details. It's also why I don't like to immediately post what I've written and instead like to have a few chapters in the can - it means I can go back and add in more/less foreshadowing, depending on how the later chapters are playing out.

but also, sometimes things just happen. I'm writing ch 8 at the moment, and only yesterday SaiyanWitcher and I were like "hey what if we do this for ch 9" so now there's a new extra chapter bc we had an idea and it fits and we want to do it. so that wasn't planned in advance at all haha. sometimes you've just gotta go with the flow!

ok now ... in terms of fave parts of foreshadowing for WYGIG. unfortunately it IS too early for me to share most of them.

BUT! one I've only seen a couple people bring up is Max's aversion to Charles reciprocating the bite - I love that one.

I also just asked SaiyanWitcher what hers are and she said the Mercedes mechanic (a great choice), and Pierre (another GREAT choice). Though he's less foreshadowing and more of a recurring plot point lol.

from my other fics ... tbh I don't think I've ever really done as much foreshadowing in them as WYGIG.

in saying that, one really does stick out .. minor spoilers for if you haven't read Give Me That Fire but I LOVED dropping all the hints about "the final night" that happened that broke Max and Charles up for good. I knew from the first sentence I wrote for that fic that it was all leading up to that reveal and how careless Max was about Arthur, and seeing people theorise about what had happened and then being horrified that the truth was so much worse than what they expected was so bloody satisfying.

also there weren't really any major plot twists in the brocedes fic that had foreshadowing, but the slow reveal of their backstory juxtaposed with cutting forward to lewis at the lestappen wedding was also a personal favourite. that fic was by far the hardest thing I've ever written, and took one of the biggest emotional tolls. so the slow build of the horror at the piece by piece reveal of what lewis and nico had done to each other ended up being a very big personal achievement. I adore that fic, even though it's devastating.

now, I think I've yapped enough!

thank you so much for your beautiful and thoughtful ask, it's made my weekend. I'm so delighted that you're enjoying WYGIG so much and I hope that you continue to love it!

[bakersfield-row]

Am a Windows user, have never used anything but windows, am comfortable with windows.

Convince me to linux. Explain

I’m going to keep this short because I could make this infinitely long.

In a world where you really cannot trust big companies, windows has gotten very self conscious that they could track and sell every piece of data from their customer and add unnecessary features and no one would notice it, even though it actually makes the user experience worse. If you don’t have a key, you probably also have to over a hundred dollars just for some basic amenities, like changing a wallpaper.

Linux, in the other hand, is free and open source software (FOSS), which, in its simplest form, means that all the code is there for you to change and revise. Because of this openness, most Linux distros usually never have features to sell your data, and if they do, someone’s bound to make a patch to have that not happen. This means that Linux is much more safe and secure than windows by a long shot, and you really don’t have to worry about your information being sold to dubious companies.

Linux, with all its FOSS-ness, also allows anyone to make theirs distro look anyway you want. For instance, I personally prefer the look of MacOS to Windows (I know, probs controversial opinion). On windows, it’s be a pain in the ass to get it that way, especially without a key, while in Linux you can easily do that with relative ease, as long as you have a guide. Linux is just more freedom, something probably over said but still very true.

There’s other reasons why people would want to switch to Linux to. I didn’t really note that it’s less “bloated” than windows, which means that it has a lot less unnecessary features and thus will run way faster on any computer, especially old ones. Bloat has been kinda a controversial word in the community, since people like to argue that some distros are worse because they have more features. However, no matter what you choose, it’ll probably be better than windows.

The biggest drawback to Linux, in my opinion, is obviously app compatibility. I’ve mentioned gaming before, but that’s something that’s seedy vastly improved over the years. However, some popular apps are just incomparable with Linux, most notably the entire adobe suite and (unsurprisingly) Microsoft office. There’s a couple other things you can do to circumnavigate this.

You can try to find alternatives. GIMP works as a nice alternative to photoshop, Davinci Resolve has native Linux versions, and libreoffice is probably capable enough to replace word or PowerPoint.

You can try to install wine and pray to god it’ll work (though it probably won’t).

You can run a virtual machine and run windows with that, thought that’s not GPU accelerated and thus might be laggy.

OR, and this is the best option in my opinion, you can dual boot windows along side linux, so if you really need to use it, it’s there as an option. If you’re going to do this option, make sure to install windows first before Linux (because of some stupid thing where it erases it in grub or smtn) and that the two operating systems are on separate drives. Also try to debloat windows though guides on YouTube, but know that it won’t be as private as Linux.

Honestly, that’s as much as I have to say about the subject matter. Others are free to add on, since I probably missed a few things. You might not like it at first, but I do encourage you to at least try it. Hell, you might even like it so much that using windows is now alien to you (like me, lmfao).

Hope this helped, and remember, never type “sudo rm -rf /” in the terminal. (Aw fuck, I forgot to explain the terminal. Oh well, I hope someone can explain it to you, and if you get stuck on it there’s always guides online)

[untruthsteller]

A Plea for Help (So close!)

It's time for that one kind of post, you know the one. It starts with "I hate to have to do this but..." And it ends with a G/F/M or someone's cxshxpp.

If you're broke as hell, me too bro, keep scrolling. But if you're setting aside for mutual aid every month, we’d love if you'd hear us out. Under a Readmore.

tl; dr: I can’t afford my bills this month due to chronic unemployment and waiting for a response from the SSA about disability. my payment info is at the bottom of the post, as well as information about art commissions. As of Feb. 23, I'm only $43 away! I really appreciate all the help i've gotten so far.

I'm Clyde. Nice to meet you. I'm a 24 y/o white transman. I go into it more below, but I deal with depression, anxiety, a possible dissociative disorder, and psychotic symptoms. I also had a spinal fusion surgery when I was 17 which had to be revised twice and never healed quite right, giving me some serious chronic pain. Let me tell you about my situation a bit.

Last year, I had to leave the longest job I've held to date. I liked it, but between my own paranoia, physical issues, and moving out on top of it, it was impossible to keep working there. Since then, not only has my car become undriveable, but my mental health has continued to decline.

Last July, I filed for disability. They said it takes ~8 months. I'm expecting a response in March or April. I'm also expecting a denial. I can only work a maximum of 20 hours a week and have a lifting restriction of 35lbs. I can't do call center work, I'm unskilled, got my GED and didn't finish my associates. I also experience migraines and vertigo that make me a working liability, since I might fall over on the job. But as we all know, that doesn’t mean I can’t work!

Other factors keeping me from employment:

agoraphobia

chronic pain due to a spinal fusion surgery that had to be revised twice

my car is broken down and it costs ~$650 to get it operable again (keyword operable. Not safe-to-drive.)

i have to bike to and from work, which cuts into the 20 hours a week I can work and causes me significant pain

I'm in the process of talking to a therapist about a possible dissociative disorder and being plural.

dissociation makes me fuzzy (i don't experience full blackouts, but i have to search for memories and sometimes it feels more like I'm watching from a different perspective)

I'm in a pickle because I need *$730 a month* to make rent and bills. I don't qualify for SNAP in my state because my roommates make too much money, regardless of how much food they're willing to share with me in a month. *The $730 doesn't include food money.* Ideally I'll be able to take a bus to a food bank, but given how often I'm able to leave the house and the fact I can't make the fare means that not only will the trip take ~4 hours, but I also can't afford it.

I do have some things going for me. I'm still on my parents insurance, they pay my phone bill, and occasionally they're able to send me money. They're in debt though, and they really can't afford to be supporting me like this.

So let's put it on the table.

This month, I've made partial payments on things. I still need $453.98 to pay my bills. I am begging you to consider sending even a little my way, as every bit helps. I'm willing to talk about my experiences with you further if you reach out.

Lastly, my art blog is @tellerofuntruths

I have old commission rates up there, but ignore them. I'm doing special discounted rates, shoot me a message to this blog, untruthsteller and we can work something out.

Thank you very much,

Clyde (and company)

$410/$453

Vxnmo: untruthstell (without the cat icon)

Cxshxpp: clythomas

Chime: (ask)

Zxllx: (ask)

[wajjs]

BLOB'S MILLER TIME: BATMAN: YEAR ONE #1

Originally published one year after The Dark Knight Returns. Written as an attempt to revamp Batman's origin story after the event that was Crisis on Infinite Earths.

For an initial approach to the comic, you can check out the wikipedia page here.

Batman: Year one. Chapter one: WHO I AM / HOW I COME TO BE

Before delving into the comic itself, right from the start we are told the nature of the story that will be told. It will be a revision of a life that's been lived. The initial quote promises a story of greatness, of a hero who overcomes hardship and forges himself anew to fulfill his purpose.

Yet in the title itself of this first issue there's a dichotomy present: the different states of being bring forward the undercurrent of energy brought by the winds of change. The self of "who I am" has the potential to turn into the self it "comes to be".

Even when we are static, we are always changing -- even if in this case the character may be anything but static. This can be reminiscent of the philosophical debate about the nature of the being: is it endless and unchanging at its core (what changes is only the appearance), or is it in a state of permanent change that maintains the dynamic equilibrium of all beings?

The comic itself starts in media res. It begins with the end of a journey, having the incipit be the time and place of the story. And right off the bat (pun intended), we are already told that going to Gotham, being in Gotham, is akin to being sent to hell as punishment. It's what one deserves. It's self torture.

Aside from this, we are presented with the comic's binary pair: Jim Gordon / Bruce Wayne.

I say binary pair because they're both connected, and replacing one with the other would result in a simple inversion of the roles in their status quo. Their stories are also set up in a way that they complement each other, the actions in one serving as backdrop to the happenings in the other.

Aside from that, we are also presented with the idea of Gotham being smokes and mirrors, from afar offering an illusion of civilization and order. Meanwhile, from up close, traveling through it, what can be seen is the true nature of it: the chaos, the danger, the possible enemies that lurk around its streets, hide among the crowds.

The differences in their arrivals to Gotham don't end there. Bruce is native to it, while Jim is moving into it for the first time, and thus he experiences its gnarly nature as a newcomer. While Bruce is composed and arrives with perceived calmness to the airport, surrounded by glitz and glamour and paparazzi, Jim arrives to a packed train station while holding on for dear life to his luggage.

It's a pretty unsubtle nod to their differences in social classes, but the good thing about easy visuals is that they drive the point home faster.

After this, we immediately follow Jim's meeting with the police commissioner, a sketchy man named Loeb. We immediately know he's sketchy because we are treated to a single panel of a tv news show talking about Harvey Dent withdrawing conspiracy charges against Loeb, all after a key witness "mysteriously" disappears.

His corruption is hammered home in obvious ways via having him talk about keeping mistakes away from the media, or not worrying about police (in this case, Jim's) honesty.

As a side note, how many easter eggs/references are in this office? And what fucking kind of office is this?

There's a clown painting. A wine bottle shaped like a penguin, or a bird with a top hat. A traffic stop sign, with a fire hydrant right next to it. A sculpture of The Thinker, but sitting on the toilet. A SNOOPY LAMP.

What's most poignant, however, is the mirror and its shatter pattern that resembles a gunshot, placed right besides/behind Jim's head. This immediately lets us know that, even though he's a cop, Jim is not safe here. He has entered the viper's nest. It's not subtle, but it is still a good visual.

After the meeting is over, we get to see Jim being driven by a fellow coworker named Flass. And, in typical Miller "I do not know how to be subtle" fashion, we are now treated to the comic's first depiction of police brutality:

Here we are privy to Jim's impotence and his reluctance to get involved beyond being a witness to Flass' actions. He knows he can't act just yet. He's biding his time, learning the lay of the land. We are also given an understanding of his standing with the police force and the delicate position he's in: he has moved to Gotham because his past mistakes involved jumping the gun too soon without having enough information.

He knows he can't make the same mistake twice. This time, he's willing to bide his time, even if he does not like what comes with that.

Visually, and in stark contrast to Gordon's colorful and packed scenes, we are given in juxtaposition single panels showing Bruce's side of this story. They all lack color and action, and the rhythm of these scenes are significantly slower. This is the most poignant in this single panel that comes right after the scene of police brutality:

Bruce, alone, kneeling by the place where his parents lay in their final rest.

-

Time skip: it's now one month later in the story. February 12.

Jim's a Lieutenant now. The panels start with harsh action lines, with Jim and Flass inside a police car while they're speeding towards a crime scene. The dialogue shows the changes to how things were a month before: Jim is, from what we can tell, no longer a witness to the things that happen around him. He's cranking down on those around him, showing his teeth, so to speak, and thus jeopardizing his position.

Flass warns him that he needs to relax. It is pretty easy to infer that what Flass is telling Jim is that he needs to stop working so hard, or that he needs to start looking the other way.

Seeking actual justice may not be the way of Gotham PD.

There are three other time skips, the first two within the same month:

February 21: we are shown a short training montage, Rocky IV style. Bruce's appearances are still in juxtaposition to Jim's. Though this time they have color, they're still limited to one panel per action. This makes it so it looks like Bruce is moving slower, like he's taking his time to develop. And, narratively, that is exactly what's happening: while he's training, Bruce recognizes that there's something missing. There's something he has yet to obtain. He's not quite ready yet to make the jump into becoming Batman.

February 26: the build up of tension between Jim and Gotham PD is reaching it's zenith. Now, the corruption of Gotham's police force is in plain view, completely exposed for the viewer to see. The breaking point shows itself when Flass complains to the commissioner about Jim refusing to accept bribes and, instead, suspending other cops for accepting them. The commissioner asks Flass to wait before attacking Jim, to wait two weeks when he'll be gone for a conference.

March 11: Two important things happen:

Bruce makes his first moves into what will later allow him to become Batman. He assumes his first fake persona, dons his first mask.

Jim gets ambushed by the other cops and beaten up by them... as a warning. He sticks out like a sore thumb among the corruption of Gotham and its police force, and he has made a bigger target of himself by refusing to adapt to his new environment, by not letting himself become corrupted as well.

After the scene of the cops attacking Jim, and in something that's a first in this issue, we are now no longer shown all of what happens to Gordon, instead the story switches focus to Bruce and him making his way through the slums of Gotham.

The way he describes everything, it is easy to infer mild disgust coming from his character, as well as there being a clear view of "us" versus "them". Bruce is an outsider to these parts, and even when he tries to fit in, he still sticks out (he gets mistaken for a cop). He can't understand them. He sees them as completely different from what he is.

After getting propositioned by an underage prostitute, Bruce fights her pimp, defeating him easily while Selina Kyle watches on from her window right above the street. The fights, compared to Gordon's scenes, all seem to be moving in slow motion, matching the rhythm of Bruce's thoughts and how he's constantly in deep contemplation. Like he's viewing the world and what's happening around him through a glass that keeps him at least a degree detached from it all.

In the fight, he ends up bringing more attention to himself, failing his initial plans of just getting information and not getting involved in anything. He's attacked by the prostitutes, and he ends up breaking the wrist of the underage girl. This makes it so that Selina jumps from her window and intervenes, and Bruce still tries to reign himself in but ends up making a bigger mess of things:

While fighting with Selina, the cops get there. Bruce gets shot by one of them and he's bleeding severely, while the other cop complains that Bruce was following their order to 'freeze'. This is yet another scene in which we see cops represented in a less than good way, abusing their authority and being too trigger happy.

He's cuffed and shoved in the back of a police car, disoriented by the way he's losing blood fast, until he manages to break out of his handcuffs and attacks the cops from behind, making them crash. While the car is going up in flames, Bruce manages to escape, noting that the fire will reach the gas tank in seconds and only in passing thinking "they probably have families".

(The cops survive.)

He manages to get back to his car and drives away back to the Manor. This is when the point of view changes yet again, using the car as transition. From a closeup of Bruce's bloodied hand turning the key in the ignition to start the car, we are then immediately shown a beaten up Jim driving his police car with a baseball bat in the empty seat right next to him. He's asking about Flass' whereabouts using the police radio and confirming that he was indeed part of the group that came to "soften him up".

Interestingly, this is when Bruce and Gordon's paths actually cross for the first time:

This is also when Bruce finally finds that thing that he's been looking for, the final missing key to his mission:

The next following scenes are the culmination of the buildup that has been laid out throughout the entirety of this issue.

Jim gets his revenge. He waits patiently for Flass to come out of the house he's gambling in, lets him drive away until they're in a lone patch of the road, with no other cars passing by. Jim makes himself known, lets Flass know who he is, and then fights him, knocks him down quickly and efficiently, leaving him injured just enough to make him feel it while keeping him out of the hospital.

He then leaves him naked and cuffed by the side of the road, knowing that Flass won't report him. Knowing that he can count on Flass' pride for that part, and with this done they won't come for his wife, who is pregnant.

Jim now knows what he must do, and what it takes to stay alive in Gotham. What it takes to stay with his head above water in the middle of the corruption of the police force.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Gotham, we have Bruce who finally made it back home, who made it into his father's study and is now bleeding out in his father's chair. In the final scene of this issue, we are finally reaching the crescendo of Bruce's quest for his sense of self and sense of duty. He's finally hitting head on the questions he's been asking himself: what is he, what is he missing, what must he become in order to carry out his mission?

What is his "self"?

This is when we get a first answer to the question posed by the very title of the issue: who am I? How I come to be?

Aimless, without direction, what Bruce needed was a harsh impact with reality, with real life, outside of his contemplative thoughts and solitary training. He needed to almost fail -- no, he needed to be afraid to realize that fear is precisely the element that he's been looking for. That it is the key to the puzzle of who he's meant to be.

And, like this, Batman is finally born.

-

All in all, I think that this first issue is a good attempt at revisiting Batman's origin story. Having the point of view change from Jim to Bruce lets it become more agile to read, while also presenting interesting parallels: either new to Gotham or native to it, the city itself bares its teeth without discrimination to anyone. It's a dangerous place to be in, it is ruled by fear and corruption. And because of it, the self is challenged into either becoming complacent or refusing to become one with the nature of things.

Both Jim and Bruce refuse to give in, to give up on those things that form who they are, their convictions and beliefs. They both now fight an uphill battle. They believe that a change can be made, and so they will cling onto that thought come rain or come shine.

It is also refreshing that, as far as origin stories go, the death of Bruce's parents is only shown in quick flashbacks. Even if Bruce's narration is charged with melancholy and a constant contemplative state, he's moving forward. The past has helped define who he is now, but it does not trap him. He is who he must be in this present.

[lyraeon]

I cannot exaggerate the number of my problems in the last decade (possibly longer!) that have stemmed from me being entirely certain that someone is mad at me, if not outright hates me - not out of any fault or actual feeling of their own but because my anxiety has me assured that if I am not perfect forever then they all rightfully should - and treating them with mistrust or outright avoiding them out of shame and to hide from backlash that I saw as inevitable and deserved.

and naturally, when you do that to people long enough, they snap and actually do go off on you, or they decide you must not like them because you avoid them and move on, or they argue with you about why the hell you keep screwing things up for them, when in your mind you're just trying to cause as few problems as possible.

or you start trying to anticipate what will help them so you can "redeem yourself" but it's all just so in the way because it's not what they need, because you didn't ask what they need because you think they won't tell you (because you won't tell them, because you can't make them feel obligated because oh my god guilt is the worst emotion get it out get it out) or that they'll feel bad that you're doing it because they'll feel like they made you feel obligated, but you've guessed wrong and made things worse now.

that kind of bullshit. that's the shit that's been ruining my life, is the utter certainty that everyone hates me, and the pain it puts people who care about me through because it paints them as liars and manipulative and because they get stuck with help or gifts that don't actually benefit them, and the fact I can't drag myself out of it far enough to be emotionally available to others in the way that I still see as a core piece of who I am.

and I am working on it. I am pushing through and learning because I'm finally fucking aware, FINALLY, that this is something going on, that the ire I sense towards me from friends is by large a fitment of my imagination and/or trauma. I have therapy and medication and revised diagnoses and a support structure that feels too small because I am used to spreading myself out across 30+ people so no one person "has to deal with me for too long", which makes a small back of people who earnestly make me feel like they want me around the scariest goddamn thing some days.

and the hardest part is not just defeating the entire point by getting consumed by guilt and thinking I'm a horrible person for having gotten here to begin with. not to say there aren't things I earnestly do and should regret, but when opening the microwave at 1am or sending someone three messages in a row feels like it merits the same punishment as something extreme like gambling away the rent money would, it's pretty safe to say something's fucked in those priorities.

and I post this publicly for the same reason I do so many other stories about my life: as a cautionary tale in hopes someone may see themselves in my experiences and learn sooner and easier than I did.

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Incident in Doctor Gears' Office, or How to Lose a Hand in Five Minutes

We all know Jack Bright loves a good prank. Doctor Gears... does not. Doctor Bright learns the hard way: do not mess with Gears' coffee.

Typical start to the day at Site (REDACTED). I report to Dr. Gears for my assignments of the day. We're just getting to the revised procedures for some of our... more problematic residents when Doctor Gears notices something important is missing.

"I swear on 343, I just set my coffee down for two bloody seconds, and... it's gone. A fresh cup of dark roast, gone. I know this is by no means a normal office, but that mug is no anomaly. So... where is my coffee?"

"Beats me, but I can send up fresh coffee, boss."

"Perhaps, but it's more about the mug itself. My brother gave me that before his accident. I was rather fond of that stupid piece of videogame gimcrackery." He sighs. "Granted, in the grand view of things... it's just a shaped lump of glazed microwave safe clay. Still... my coffee."

As he laments his lost beverage... I spy the number one suspect, talking to a new arrival, Doctor Rose. Funny, normally it's Clef making the new female hires nervous. She's arguing with Bright.

"I am telling you, messing with your boss's liquid motivation will never end well. I know I have zero authority here... but you should put the mug back, Dr. Bright."

"C'mon, Rosie... it's just a prank. Lighten up."

"Coffee is no joke, Doctor. Put. It. Back. For the love of 343, put the mug back." At this point, I pipe up.

"Really should listen to Doctor Rose, Bright. You know Dr. Gears had his sense of humor amputated long before we arrived here. And... while you can't exactly die, finding a new body may be problematic as our supply of potential donors is running very low."

"Ah. Excellent point, Agent Rabbit. But... I can't do that yet."

"Why the hell not, Jack?" Oh shit... Dr. Gears is really mad. I've never seen him actually angry before. Hate to say it, but Dr. Gears is way more frightening like this than even our big cranky lizard denied a new chew toy.

"I uh... dropped it. I was going to wash it, seeing as it was kinda gross, but it slipped out of my hands and shattered in the sink."

"Then what is that in your hands?"

"An illusion?" I take the mug from his hand.

"Feels and smells like a real mug of coffee to me." I hand the mug back to Dr. Gears. He deathglares at Bright. Then, calls security.

"I've had it with your bloody nonsense, and it's not even ten am. Take Doctor Bright down to 076-2, maybe a little chat with our favorite permanently angry anomaly will remind Bright stealing coffee isn't funny. Tell Abel I want Bright to suffer, but leave him alive. As Agent Rabbit mentioned, new bodies are harder to come by. Oh, and before you drag him off, break his left hand."

"Gladly, Doctor Gears. I don't care for Doctor Bright anyway." Doctor Rose grabs Bright by his left hand, places it just inside a desk drawer, and slams it hard. Twice. Bright screams in pain.

"Maybe now you get the message, coffee is serious business. And I take business deadly serious. Stop it, or next time you really will lose your left hand." The guards show up. "On second thought... 076-2 already hates you enough to ignore orders and kill your body on sight anyway. Since you're so... fond of 106... take Dr. Bright to see Corporal Lawrence."

"No, not Larry!"

"Stop plundering our coffee mugs, then!"

[lotusmi]

hello lotus I need some guidance, I hooked up with a friend which led me to so much depression and anxiety and health problems. It also caused the other person lots of issues too since we were constantly fighting. We lost our other friends and life just became hell. I want to revise as if it never happened and that we’ve been just friends this whole time. can I revise just the very first experience that started the relationship and that will get rid of the whole thing or do I have to revise every single experience with them?

Also when I revise that we have been just friends all this time, would the health problems that arised from this relationship go away completely for us both? Or do I have to go back and revise our health and our doctor visits too? and would we both get our other friendships back once the revision is successful? thank you so much for your help ❤️‍🩹

i am so sorry for that angel :( but yes you can revise it completely!! you can write a scrypt with the new story and just assume nothing happened and thats it!! i hope you are safe 💕💌