#I am not in this for the exercise I am in this for skill. I want to get my skill level back up where it was
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Ruben Dias x Wife Reader
Angst
Hi!!! I really don't know if i am doing a good job or not. I just said "Why not write fanfics?" and here i am. This is my first time and English is not my mother language so if there are mistakes, pardon me :) I hope you guys like it!!!! Feedbacks are welcomed 🥰
It was a hard week that you three had. Man City lost a game, you were dealing with a toddler and a backpain cause of the pregnancy. Teo, your son, was not helping, he is clinging into you every day. You just don't have any "me time"s. Your husband, Ruben, was also nervous and a little bit impatient for the next game. Because he wants to prove everyone he is still best, a game can't define his abilities and skills. That's why he was doing a double exercise everyday. He's the gym king, always was, always will be. But after you gave birth to your first child Teo, he made some changes in his routine for becoming a good father and a caring husband. And he is doing amazing. But as you said before, he was impatient for the next game. And when you said him he is being too concerned for it, his big brown eyes found yours with annoyance.
"What are you saying?"
"I am saying you are too anxious for the game. You should be more relax, you are exercising well eating well, you will be good. Remember? You are Ruben Dias. You did your part, its time to trust God." He laughed at your words like you said something silly. You looked at him with questioning eyes. But he returned to clean his game shoes, ignored your look.
You peeked a look to your son, you can see your son playing in the living room through the door, he was happy. And then you took a few steps to Ruben, he was in the hallway. You tapped his right shoulder a little bit harsh and said "Why are you laughing at me?"
And it made him angry. He got up furious from where he sit. He opened his mouth and then he probably remembered your son was to close to the hallway so he came closer to your face.
"Don't talk like you know so much about football" he muttered with his index finger pointing at you. You were in shock. You were 6 months pregnant, hormones walking over you like a flood, crying at everything, well, you were always a delicate person so this wasn't a big surprise.
"I know nothing?! Then talk to me! I know the past match making you uncomfortable but what i am saying is, you can do better and you will be. I just trust you and want you to trust yourself-"
"Y/n, no. No okay? You can't understand me at this point. You can't understand. You are not in the football world."
This words broke your heart. Yes you are not in the field playing active football like your husband but you are in the football world. You know how hard it is, how it can be challenging for your family. You remember yourself worrying and crying about your husband what if he wouldn't come to your delivery because of his crazy schedule. You remember that lonely nights with your infant son because Ruben was at a different country cause of the Champions League. You remember the time Ruben got hit to his head, laying on the field with blood on his face. You started to shake, wondering will he be okay. This and all other stuff. You lived this things because you are in the same world with him, you got in this world because you love him unconditionally. And right now he says no you can't understand him, you are at a different world. Wow.
You shook your head, laughed ironically. "So you basically say i can't understand you huh? I know nothing? So what am i then to you?" You pointed your big belly. "Am i just a body you can fuck and make babies? Since i can't understand your world, this makes me just a body, not a soul mate as i thought, huh? Why are you staying with me then?" Ruben tried to say something but you acted fast.
"No shut up!" Your voice was raising high. "Why did you make a baby with me then? You think i know nothing about your job but you are building a family with me. As i remember i made this babies with you." You were referring your belly and Teo with your two hands. "I was not under of a another man."
He took a big step and gripped your arm tightly. You saw his veins in his forehead and neck.
"Shut up y/n! You are crossing the line. Yes i remember the nights you were under me, there is no other way around. Watch your words or this will go worse."
"Worse?! What will you do?" You looked at your arm with Ruben's hand on it.
"Mãe?"
You both turned your heads to the living room. Teo was standing in front of the door with his cute pyjama set and bare feet. Ruben let go of his hand from your arm and walked to the other direction while sighing. You walked to the your scared son, his cheeks were red. He inherited this from you. Your cheeks will turn red whenever you feel intense emotions. He was tall compared to his piers like Ruben when he was a child. Ruben approached you as you held him in your arms, he looked at his father first and said "Why are you yelling mãe?" while snuggling you. "Oh baby we are just discussing something with your father. You know adults solve their problems through talking right? But i think this time my voice was to high, you are right." You kissed his head, took him off from your arms and said "Go upstairs and brush your teeth. Its sleeping time. I'm coming after you."
"Can you read Portuguese stories tonight? I'm bored of others." he said. You shook your head and he climbed the stairs slowly. You both watched him.
After he left, you looked at your husband's face, his very handsome face. Whenever you look at him, you find comfort. Always. But this time it caused your tears to drop. You left him alone with his training shoes and went your son's room.
Let me know if you want part 2!
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im being so so brave but also i am gripping you by the shoulders and leaning in and letting you know i am so tired of being brave
#my job has invented new and even more agonizing ways to make itself stressful to endure#and that isn't even counting the fact that i've now seriously fucked up my wrist transporting 30lb boxes up and down stairs#or the fact that i occasionally get piercing shoulder pains if i'm not super careful about how i use the hand truck#or the fact that whenever i come home on mondays my entire lower body is so sore that i can't move beyond a weak shuffle#it's the fact that my boss has no sense of organization#so my supervisor and i are basically salvaging or starting from scratch every week#it's the fact that some of our clients are asking for things we're not even contracted to provide#like access to our company materials or additional resources outside of our scheduled bookings#and that there's this constant looming threat of 'ohhh don't be bad at your job!! or else we'll lose our contract with these people!!'#but 'bad at your job' in this case means 'not bending over backwards to accommodate the least accommodating circumstances possible'#like 'hey you need to lead this training exercise meant for 20 people except actually you only have 4 people'#'and actually none of them are familiar with the prerequisites for this training or have any experience with the skills'#'and also none of them want to be there and half of them just Don't Do These Things as a rule'#'and if you try to make them do anything they don't want to do (even if it's literally the point of the training) they Will leave'#'and then we will no longer have enough clients to pay you'#like. what am i doing. this company was not designed to work with this format. we're not an arts and crafts group or a club meeting#hi so i wrote this post before starting weekend work prep#it has been 3 hours now#im still not done#i haven't eaten and my wrist hurts so bad#i need to.................. take a break................................
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Hey y'all! Weird question time again! What's the verb for punching a punching bag that is more general so it can include things like kicks and elbow strikes? Using the punching bag sounds weird but I am struggling to come up with another verb for it
#the person behind the yarn#I don't like exercising or working out with the punching bag as the verb#because like. I guess technically I AM doing that but it's not what I am doing it FOR?#I am not in this for the exercise I am in this for skill. I want to get my skill level back up where it was#which is up there with like doing handstands in terms of 'this is a very long term goal'#but it's still a goal! which means I am going to mention it again in the future#and then I will need a verb for it#and exercising or working out with the punching bag seem more like I am using it for cardio#I mean it is cardio but only because every physical activity I do is technically cardio because of the tachycardia#idk they just seem the wrong fit. though admittedly less wrong than 'using'
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I think it's interesting that when Gandalf describes Denethor's ability to "perceive, if he bends his will thither, much of what is passing in the minds of men," he ties it less to his wisdom or general insightfulness (though he possesses both) than to his difference from "other men of this time," his near total Númenóreanness, and as bolded here, the active exercise of his will.
Tolkien also attributes Denethor's resilience against Sauron (by contrast with Saruman) to not only his right to use the Anor-stone, but "great strength of will." He notes that Sauron had no servant with greater mental powers than Saruman or Denethor, and Gandalf remarks that Denethor was "too great" to be subdued to Sauron's will.
Denethor and Gandalf have a strange and unsettling silent confrontation, carried on by their gazes, yet it strikes Pippin as like "a line of smouldering fire" and "as if reading each other's mind." Gandalf afterwards says Pippin was stuck between two "terrible old men," lumping Denethor in with himself. Pippin also sees some kind of kinship between Denethor and Gandalf, as Sam saw between Faramir and Gandalf.
In his letters, Tolkien said that the ancient Númenóreans became barely distinguishable from Elves in appearance and in their powers of mind. In Unfinished Tales, he notes that they loved their horses, and when a Númenórean had a strong bond with a horse, it was said that the horse could be summoned "by thought alone."
In LOTR, Faramir—who has inherited Denethor's Númenóreanness/wizardliness—has a reputation for command over both animals and men. When everyone else is thrown by their horses upon being chased by five Nazgûl, he not only keeps his seat, but mysteriously gets his horse to ride back towards the Nazgûl. And during the retreat across the Pelennor, the soldiers in the city conclude that Faramir must be with the men who are managing to retreat in order, repeating Beregond's remark that he has some undefined command over both men and beasts.
Gandalf suggests that this is a result of Faramir pitting himself against the effects of the Nazgûl in some way, but his abilities (whatever they are) are outmatched. In the event, the effect of Faramir's Aura of Courage commanding abilities remains until he's shot and finally falls to the Black Breath.
Faramir also makes repeated references to perceiving or reading things in Gollum's mind. At one point, he describes Gollum's mind as dark and closed, yet unable to prevent Faramir from detecting that he's holding something back about Cirith Ungol specifically. Noticeably, this only happens when Faramir orders Gollum to look at him (which Gollum does "unwillingly"), and the light drains from his eyes as he meets Faramir's. It seems decidedly reminiscent of the later Gandalf vs Denethor duel-by-eye-contact.
Faramir's exact words about Gollum's secrecy are "That much I perceived clearly in his mind," in reference to his earlier questioning of him. He says that he can "read" previous murders in Gollum and Gollum cries out in pain when he tries to lie to him.
When Faramir gives staves to Frodo and Sam, he says that a "virtue" of finding and returning has been placed on them, with zero explanation of what he means by that. He adds a hope that the virtue will not altogether fail under Sauron's power in Mordor. He describes the people who did the woodwork but not who placed the virtues (it doesn't seem inherent to the wood itself, given his phrasing).
We do know that Dúnedain can potentially embed enchantments into items. The Barrow-daggers carried by Merry and Pippin are specifically enchanted against the Witch-king of Angmar by an unknown Dúnadan of the North, and when Merry stabs the Witch-king, the dagger breaks enough spells for Éowyn's ordinary sword to finish the job.
Meanwhile, Aragorn uses his healing powers to help the city, wishing for the presence of Elrond, because he is their eldest of their kind and more powerful. Aragorn, also, has at least some part of this ability to actively exercise his will and mental powers, perhaps an equal share, though he uses it less often.
In the book, he doesn't physically attack the Mouth of Sauron, but instead holds his gaze (again, eye contact is important!). There's another silent struggle that involves no weaponry or any other contact.
He prevails in some way over the Mouth of Sauron (not a warped creature of Sauron in the book, but a cruel Númenórean who has "learned great sorcery"). The Mouth indignantly says he has diplomatic immunity and can't be attacked like this.
But, I mean, maybe they're all just smart and perceptive, it's really unclear.
#eldritch dúnedain WHEN#because i am very aware that this could be deeply unsettling if presented just a bit differently!#but it is wild to me that tolkien can outright say 'this guy is a númenórean who learned sorcery'#and people are still like 'but can númenóreans use magic. i guess we'll never know.'#or have faramir give his whole speech about what gollum's mind looks like to him and what he can see clearly in it#fandom: idk it's just really unclear#gandalf: denethor can see what happens in other people's minds if he exercises his will#fandom: a great mystery ... maybe he's just very wise and insightful???#tolkien: the dúnadan who enchanted the daggers would be happy to know his spells worked and helped defeat the witch-king#fandom: númenórean craftmanship is /skilled/ of course but how can we make this about elves#honestly it seems like people don't /want/ númenóreans to have supernatural abilities and i'm not sure why#humans who have elvish-style powers and appearance yet can never escape their humanity is SUCH a concept#(yes i will harp on this until the end of time)#anghraine babbles#legendarium fanwank#legendarium blogging#long post#húrinionath
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Anyway I once again feel that if I have to fight my advisor at every step on this dissertation. It's worth it
#sir i AM NOT TRAINED AT OR SKILLED IN WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME#and i'm not going to buckle! i'm going to fight#i don't think it's purely a spiritual issue. like i could buckle and it would just be cussedly hard and annoying#with no glimmer of pride in the work or satisfaction and honestly my committee wouldn't like it very much either#but it's still something where i think i can reasonably exercise my courage and stalwartness#the dissertation
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from now on I think I might embrace a slight linguistic shift and stop saying that I want attention or special treatment and instead say that I want glory and honor.
meaning I want attention (glory) and special treatment (honor), of course, but said in a way that makes me sound like more of a man's man
#I dunno maybe I should be more of a dick swinging asshole#start leaning into the fact that I have three sons#a pretty wife#a house#a doctorate#and am a skilled artist and musician#and what the fuck are you doing with yourself pleb?!#I just have to exercise more#and make more money#should dust off the machining skills and get better at working on cars#and then#die of cancer at an early age#and all of it will have been for nothing#not that dying old would therefore make it worth it#mm#it is all vanity after all#what would I do if I could just do whatever
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Endless list of things that annoy me about psychotherapy trainings, but at least it being virtual means that I can turn my camera off during all the meditations and clean my office until they're over.
#personal#advocacy#this does not help with the practice exercises where i am supposed to let fellow trainees interact with genuine vulnerable parts of me#but we'll take what we can get#grateful for my acting skills
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(finally) learning how to draw hands! :)
#I did a bunch of other exercises before these but I'm not posting them cause they're just some boxy figures that kinda look like hands#also WHY AM I ABLE TO DRAW THEM ON PAPER AND NOT DIGITALLY 😭😭#like. these ones actually look good?? but the moment I turn on my computer all my skills go on vacation#my art
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also GOD my BOSS wants me to PRESENT SOMETHING during a MEETING as a stupid STRETCH GOAL. like ma'am. please. i'm dying here
#also she's continued her longstanding habit of telling me what she thinks my face has just done#she thought i rolled my eyes when she said i should do that. and i was like i didn't! i wouldn't do that!#she was like well your eyes went here then here then there#and i'm like. boss. i was looking away not in annoyed exasperation but in mild panic#it's fucking stupid like#my job does NOT require verbal communication skills. or presentation skills. or leadership skills#i'm not in a management position i'm not in a client-facing position i am JUST a little monkey banging on a keyboard that's it#i wasnt hired for my social skills i was hired for my fucking attention to detail#let me fucking play around with google sheets all day and leave me ALONE#thats what you pay me for why are you so OBSESSED with my social skills & lack thereof like christ#she saw me get embarrassed & panic & lose my words in ONE meeting when i was addressed unexpectedly and she keeps bringing it up#and it makes me want to scream#and now she wants me to do what would be - for me - basically a therapy exercise#this woman is not my therapist shes my BOSS#and again theres no fucking reason i should have to work on Speaking To People bc my job doesnt REQUIRE it#it's STUPID#i hate it here it makes me wanna quit
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first baldurs gate character for my first time digitally rendering :D (timelapse under cut)
#my art#baldur's gate 3#half orc wizard#learned so much during this exercise#starting in greyscale opened my third eye i get it now#plan to use these skills for evil (more dennis art)#extremely addicted to this game btw expect more baldur posting#d&d is one of my longest running special interests so i am hyped about it having a surge of popularity
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Hey y'all! Weird question time again, this time about push-ups! So I have a weird assortment of health issues, which makes most exercise in general somewhere between difficult, impossible, and inadvisable, but back before I got sick I was learning to do handstands and I loved it. Long story short, my new meds are helping, but it's been more than a decade and I want to work myself into being able to do handstands again without my arms collapsing and landing on my head, so I've been trying to strengthen my arms a little at a time So far, that's mostly been pushups*, but today I tried pushups with my feet elevated and that was significantly easier than normal pushups??? I'm pretty sure it's working different muscles, but it's also closer to a handstand, so have I been doing pushups wrong this whole time if my goal is handstands??? Also, are there other exercises you'd recommend if my goal is handstands? I want to really overprepare my arms in particular, because sometimes when my blood pressure is wonky my muscles are weaker than they should be, so I can't rely on them reacting correctly and I really don't want to fall on my head
*I also have a weird headstand trainer contraption thing that's basically like a shoulder rest so you can be upside down, like a headstand, without putting all your weight on your head? idk how to describe it but it helps practice the "being upside down" and "various torso muscles keeping you balanced while upside down" parts of handstands. I have no idea what it's called my mom was thrilled I wanted to do handstands and sent it to me
#the person behind the yarn#tj asks weird questions#I'm not interested in an exercise routine in general I have to have a skill to work towards#or a game to play or else it's extremely difficult for me to focus#but handstands! handstands I want to work towards!#and a better roundhouse kick but that's a longer term goal#I want to go back to being able to kick head height again#back when I was sparring once a week I could reliably kick several inches higher than my own head with a lot of force#which was good because I am short#but now I can pretty much only kick chest high :(#and it's not like I spar anymore or have any need to have that skill but like#I WANT to. I want to be able to do handstands again#I want to be able to do high kicks#and the cool weird flat on the ground to entirely upright in one weird twist kick jump move#I also want to be able to do pull ups and chin ups but that's not really a thing I was good at before#that's just 'my brother has one of those door frame pullup bars and I want to'#anyway first goal is handstands!#I am going to start slowly working towards pull ups though
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I have to learn business management from scratch while studying supply chain analytics and i don't want to leave classics behind so im at the very least trying to keep up with translation (and failing actually) and i have to work on my personal skills so im looking for a theatre class (social anxiety is absolutely not helpful) all the while running and exercising cos i've got a lot to be angry about. So YEAH ✌🏼✌🏼
#personal#looking at it like this. i DID pack my day super well w studying. but also i get tired. ninety minutes a day on exercise is Exhausting™️#i do need interaction. i need to improve my people skills 😭😭 i hate people#what am I trying to do? fuck knows#i thought consulting. but now im just. scared?#huh. am i tho? or do I just not know enough?#maybe if I studied a bit more. it wouldn't be so terrifying
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#another hot tip for recovering people pleasers / codependents is#actually talk to people about what they feel and like and want and do the same in return about your own feels#because mind reading can actually be both creepy and annoying to people who have developed those communication skills#and sometimes it can seem like youre not even actually in a relationship with them but just treating them like an npc#with a mysterious riddle you have to solve when you can probably actually just be like 'hey do you like this?'#or maybe they've already been trying to tell you what they want but you're still acting like you have to read between the lines#one of the issues codependents have is not being able to identify their own feelings desires or opinions because#they spend all their time trying to figure out and understand other people's intuitively#and are probably mostly spending time around other codependents who do the same for them#probably because they spent time in a toxic environment where that was a survival coping mechanism for them#or the only way everyone got their needs met#so at first it can be rough and embarrassing to be like#omg i don't even know who i am when im not trying to please somebody else#but start with really basic things like#do i actually want to eat this for dinner?#and try to be true to what you feel#and the more that you practise that the easier it gets to quickly identify your own needs and feels#and eventually be able to identify and express very nuanced ones as well#it is like exercising a muscle you havent worked out in years it takes reptition and time#p
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So do you have an example of how us peasants could catch out terfs without shinigami eyes or are we all supposed to be as psychic as you lol
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#what are you even referencing. what year was the post that made you mad written in.#also i do not expect you to be psychic i expect you to hone your observational skills outside a realm of blind trust in highlighters.#i expect you to be able to read URLs and i expect you to be able to think critically about the content of a post.#i expect most of all that you don't see using filters as an exchange of systems from highlighter to blotting a page out.#and that even without highlights and filters you should be able to exercise observation and critical thinking skills.#i read posts all the time that come off as strange in either contents or OP and they have no tags to them. use your brain.#answered#i cleared out all my filtered tags to show only these. appreciate the laboriousness of it.#i don't know how to explain what i mean here.#as i said i can think and observe for myself. these days it is mostly just alarm of seeing a post filtered under a mutual's reblog.#and then finding out it is a mundane tiktok of a woman in a countryside or something.#i don't think i ever mentioned that now that i think about it.#and before the high IQ misinterpreters log in i am not saying that a tag on an innocuous post alone makes it 'dangerous' and scary or such#i am saying that it makes the OP undesirable to platform further.#i don't know how many tags out of 30 i have left and i think i got my point across. end transmission.
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#so I was reading up on bipolar disorder#and apparently it’s one of the main leading causes of disability worldwide#2 out of every 3 people with bipolar disorder end up on disability#and given the fact I’ve been struggling so much with episodes where I just like… can’t do anything#idk that’s terrifying to me#I LOVE to work and feel accomplished#I’m not saying others who have to take it don’t but that it would be a massively destructive blow to my self identity to not be able t work#I think I’ve done really good work so far getting things sorted out#I’ve been compliant with meds and am almost finished with my year-long intensive outpatient therapy#the stress of the strike that started really threw me off and has made the last month pretty unbearable#but I’m learning and adapting#this just feels like it lit a fire under my ass that I really need to work overtime to fight this diagnosis and get back to healthy#there’s no putting things off like I need to get shit done#and if things aren’t working then it’s time I find another way#bc I can’t let myself just give in to the symptoms and let them dictate my life#really coming up with a game plan for 2023 to make it my year and I genuinely feel confident it will work out#2021 I wrestled control of my life back and got semi functional again. I sought help#2022 I found that help and got diagnosed / found the right medication balance / completed intensive outpatient therapy#2023 I use all this to make behavioral changes that help me regain control of my life#specifically tons of exercise / more social interaction / practicing hobbies and skills#I think it’s pretty achievable and I’m excited about the results
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local man once generously described as “a new accordionist in town” by local klezmer musician kinda fucking bad at accordion
#in my defense it's not like i've ever had formal training (or any training at all lol)#my accordion has one button (middle c) marked out so you can use that to orient yourself#accordion is arranged in the circle of 5ths -- so F C G D A E...etc#the thing that's giving me a lot of trouble is going from Fmaj to Amaj#i had a stroke of using my brain and put tape on the a chord so i would be easily able to locate it by touch#and that def helps!#the other thing is that i have absolutely zero hand independence -- as in i can't play with both my right and left hands simultaneously#this hasn't been a problem with any other instrument -- though with string instruments it's not like your hands are rhythmically unsynced#i never played anything super complicated on piano but i didn't have trouble playing like quarters with my left and eights with my right#bc that's a very simple rhythm -- but on accordion i basically can't do it!#idk if it's a specific quirk of the accordion -- there's def a lot of differences#you can't see your hands for one. also on the left hand both your fingers and your wrist is moving#though literally in just one smooth motion lol -- but nvtl it's an extra variable#it's also possible the necessary skills were damaged in a seizure#it might be a combo of both factors! but i am doing exercises to try and desync the hands#also to clarify this isn't self-deprecating or anything i'm upset about#i would definitely like to develop my accordion skills but this is just for fun -- i have no goals of being a professional accordionist lol#i just think it's kind of funny -- people are always like 'wow it's so cool you play the accordion!'#and i'm like Yes i ''play'' the accordion. revel at my coolness#tomorrow i'm playing my first klezmer concert! excited :)))
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