#I am not in this for the exercise I am in this for skill. I want to get my skill level back up where it was

[retroactivebakeries]

Meti's Litigation Manual

Argument

1. Glory to the Divine Corpse, o breaker of infinities.

2. I am Meti, of no firm but myself. In my 108th year I am surrounded by fools. My colleagues cling obsessively to their compensation, and my only associate is an idiot speck of a girl with more talent for eating than skill in the court. Therefore I have decided to die drowning in the boiling gore of my opposing counsel, of which there are many.

3. My master was the greatest attorney general to the king Au Vam, Ryo-ten-Ryam, who first coaxed me into learning the ways of turning litigants into ghosts. As his interest quickly turned to the wholly uninteresting and most useless parts of my body, I returned the favor and relieved him of his.

4. It is my personal opinion that civil litigation is best if you can obtain a case, but I also favor public interest. Personal injury, criminal law, or divorce are unpleasant fields of which I am wholly unfamiliar and so will not speak on them.

5. Upon meeting me, you might find that my appearance is quite dreadful and unkempt. I have been spat upon by priest, king, and merchant alike. I have no paralegals, and possess nothing except a briefcase four hand spans (three and a half kret) wide (this is the proper width). This is because I am Royalty and the undisputed master of the principal art of Litigation. I will argue motions naked with ten-thousand men.

6. From the age of thirteen I practiced every day with the copier. I followed a strict caffeine regimen, and harsh training of barefoot sprints (five) to file at the courthouse, squats and breathing exercises (two bells), and mock trial and legal writing (three bells).

7. By the age of sixteen, my body was a steel edifice. I was so often mistaken for a man I began to wear my hair long with no pins and unbind my breasts. I could break witnesses with my cross-examination with no effort, I could transfer venue between the Yellow City and the Lunar dominions in a day or less and barely bill an hour. My mastery of the lawsuit complete, I joined Bilong, Ryam & Ryo, where I was widely respected as a litigator of incredible power.

8. When it came time to face my first real trial, against the Colossus of Pardos, in my youthful pride and immense skill, I brought all my training and mastery to bear. Scarcely half a day passed before my theory of the case was shattered into thirty pieces, my expert’s report was almost excluded from evidence, and my honed lawsuit was broken pathetically in a hundred and forty places. I defeated him by gouging his brains out through his breathing valves. My thumbs, in this case, proved far more useful.

9. At that moment, with my thumbs in his brains, I had a revelation. I had trained far too broadly. Existence and the act of litigation are absolutely no different, and the essence of both, the purity of both, is a singular action, which is Obtaining a Favorable Result for Your Client. You must resolve to train this action. You must become this action. Truly, there is very little else that will serve you as well in this entire cursed world.

10. I hope that by reading this manual, you will be thoroughly encouraged to become a transactional lawyer.

Mastering the Lawsuit

1. YISUN’s glory is great, and you may know this by two paths, the sanctioned words, and the sanctioned action.

2. The sanctioned words are RES IPSA LOQUITUR. The meaning of these words is YISUN and their attainment is the Presumption of Negligence.

3. The sanctioned action is to Litigate.

4. To Litigate means division by the blade of Want, that parer of potentials that excises infinities.

5. To train in litigation, first master sweeping. When you have mastered sweeping, you must master the way of drawing water. Once you have learned how to draw water, you must split wood. Once you have split wood, you must learn the arts of finding the fine herbs in the forest, the arts of writing, the arts of paper making, and poetry writing. You must become familiar with the awl and the pen in equal measure. When you have mastered all these things you must master building a house. Once your house is built, you have no further need to be a litigator, since it is an ugly, nerve-wracking profession and its adherents idiots.

The 18 Precepts

1. Consider: there is no such thing as a billable hour.

2. Your discovery requests must be broad. You must not be spare with the fluidity of your wrists or shoulders when typing. You must have grip on the deposition outline that is loose and unstrained. I heard it said you must be tender with your case, as though with a lover. This is patently false. A lawsuit not your lover. It is a hideous tool for separating opposing parties from their money.

3. Going onwards, you must adjust arguments as needed, do not make your client’s problems your problems, keep your breathing steady. This is the life argument. You must watch your footwork. Your feet must be controlled whether planted in state court, federal court, domestic relations, or probate in equal measure.

4. Breathing is very important! Is the violent breath of litigation in you not hot? Exhale! Exult!

5. You must strive for attachment-non-attachment when litigating. Your argument must be sticky and resolute. A weak, listless argument is a despicable thing. But you must also not cling to your case, or its result. Clinging is the great error of men. A lawyer who litigates without thought of his action can be awarded his fees against God.

6. To litigate properly, you must continually self-annihilate when litigating. Your hand must become a hand that is litigating, your body a body that is litigating, your mind, a mind that is litigating. You must instantaneously destroy your fake pre-present self. It is a useless hanger on.

7. A brain is useful only up until the point when you are faced with your opposing counsel. Then it is useless. The only truly useful thing in this cursed world is will. You must suffuse your worthless body with its terrible heat. You must be so hot that even if your opposing counsel should prevail on a dispositive motion, you shall continue to file ten more post-judgment motions. Your boiling blood must spring forth from your neck and mutilate the survivors!

8. You must never make “multiple” claims. Each must be singular in its beauty, no matter how many precede it. You must make your opposing counsel weep with admiration, and likewise should your client be found liable for the allegations of such an object of beauty, you must do your best to shed tears of respect.

9. When decapitating opposing counsel, it is severe impoliteness to use more than one blow.

10. A man who finds pleasure in the result of litigation is the most hateful, crawling creature there is. A man who finds pleasure in the act of litigating is an artisan.

11. Man always strives to sue man. Therefore he who files his lawsuit the fastest is the survivor. To pre-empt this, you must live, eat, and shit as a person who has their complaint ready to file. It doesn’t matter whether your complaint, in actuality, is always ready to file, though you will look like an idiot if it is.

12. Consider: The undefeated litigator must be exceptionally poor.

13. The weak litigator reserves his citations to caselaw. He clings excessively to civil procedure. His theory of the case is unsteady. His settlement offer is too low and he is afraid to crack the earth with his step. He has a shallow and wandering gaze, his tongue is sluggish and pale. He refuses to exhale the hot breath of the Flame Immortal.

14. The weak litigator clings to victory. He thinks of his life, his obligations, the outcome of the lawsuit, his hatred for his opposing counsel, his training, his pride in his mastery. By doing so, he is an imperfect vessel for the terrible fires of Will. He will surely crack. He will not laugh uproariously if his case is cleft in two by his opposing counsel’s argument. When his arguments are shattered, his hands will be too reserved to tear his opposing counsel’s flesh.

15. The weak litigator obtains a judgment against the opposing party and thinks his task done. He relishes in victory. He casts away his arguments and returns to his lover. Little does he know his single judgment will encircle the world five times and strike him down on appeal fifty-fold.

16. The weak litigator clings to his form documents. It is better you have a form document, but arguments must lie under your fingernails, if need be. Learn argument with your elbows, argument with your knees, and argument with your thumbs and fingertips. It is said argument with the tongue is useful, but I find words too soft an instrument to smash opposing counsel’s skull.

17. In manners of venue, you must learn to cut yourself from it. You must cut even your footprints from it, if need be. Have complete awareness of each crawling thing and each precious flower, each blade of sweet grass and each clod of bitter earth, each beating heart and each being that thrums with love, hope, and admiration. Only then are you qualified to be their annihilator.

18. Excess heat and excess coldness are undesirable. Learn to read the weather.

Closing

1. It is said the greatest lawyer-kings may sublime argument and forget all they learn about litigation. This is true. But the only true path to partner lies through regicide.

2. Moreover, only the worst kind of idiot strives to make partner.

3. My extreme hope is that some measure of wisdom will penetrate the thick skull of my associate. If not, may reading this manual demonstrate your powerful disinterest in it, and may its true value die with me.

4. Reach heaven by violence.

[robiberon]

Hiiii 🙈 since you’re looking for ideas, have you ever drawn Éowyn riding a horse? would look grand in your art style!

Oh boy! Horses!

there comes a time in every Eowyn fan's life where they must learn to draw horses. i had never taken the time to sit down and do that before, so i suppose today is the day 🐴

have some more horse sketches as a bonus (these are literally all the horses i've drawn in my life. you can pretty clearly see the progression lol)

[mbirnsings-71]

Guys, I love Double life and I love the Warden so much it's not funny. That is Tango's baby yes sir-

A big thank you to @cannimochi for actually watching double life with me and so now I get to give you guys these doodles yes sir <3

[ravensilversea]

Unhappy to report that that post about doing writing exercises may have been right. Also why do these quick writes keep turning into actual fic ideas/drafts. I think today's makes three? All for different fandoms??

This is bullshit. What do you mean high school creative writing might have had a point to almost daily quick write assignments

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! Weird question time again! What's the verb for punching a punching bag that is more general so it can include things like kicks and elbow strikes? Using the punching bag sounds weird but I am struggling to come up with another verb for it

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

from now on I think I might embrace a slight linguistic shift and stop saying that I want attention or special treatment and instead say that I want glory and honor.

meaning I want attention (glory) and special treatment (honor), of course, but said in a way that makes me sound like more of a man's man

[acutabovetherest]

Extra rough grief day ✅

Concussion ✅

IRRITABLE AS FUCK ✅

Big feelings ✅

Restless ✅

Nauseous ✅

The sandwich that I bought to eat today, half for lunch, half for dinner, I accidentally left in the car and it went bad ✅

Unceasing jaw pain that makes my headache worse and my ears ache ✅

[lesbianlenas]

i had an in person final today & omg so i was sitting in the back row & the row all the way in the back is smaller so it’s only 3 seats. so of course this guy has to come sit in the seat on the other end there was a WHOLE classroom why tf do u have to sit right next to me. there was a seat between us but still. anyway he had a giant fucking keyboard w him for no reason like you are on a laptop w a keyboard on it there is NO reason u need to be clacking away next to me on that thing. like they should NOT allow those keyboards wtf????? and then ok we were not allowed to use internet for our exam but we could do smth to get internet access but we were only allowed to do it to access our textbook. & i saw him googling things during the exam i’m like i should report him for violating the honor code just as payback for clacking next to me for 3 hrs 😑 he’s lucky i go into hyper focus during exams and i tuned it out bc normally if i had to deal w that i would not be able to focus. legit sooooo rude idc. and like wtf are you even googling that u can’t find in ur notes 🙄 i took the same exam and never felt the need to google smth i did not even use the textbook. but maybe i’m built different!!!!!!!

[niconiconwo]

Study that shows causal effect between overuse of spellcheck and a lack of spelling capacity, study that shows causal effect between overuse of GPS and lack of direction finding, Microsoft itself made a report that generative models are making people literally incapable of their jobs. That study on handwritten vs typed notes still lives rent free in my head.

It kinda sucks for gen z and alpha to be the test pigs for this shit, but even worse is that you know people are too stupid to realise this is a real problem that needs to be addressed now, and the worst is that the funding to create the necessary programs to preserve these fundamental cognitive skills will never happen in time.

Boomers down through us Millennials didn't really have this issue because it wasn't a default tool; we learned spelling and map reading and had to manually proof read and correct our writing and so on.

Now you just right-click the squiggle or ask google how to get somewhere or expect a machine to do a job and pray it doesn't fuck up in a way you are literally too incompetent/underskilled to either fix or recognise. Tech tools are neutral things and used right can be beneficial but man we are speed running our way to Idiocracy real fast.

[seaofreverie]

We should normalize bringing these sort of "small talk ideas" cards to meetings with other people so that it's possible to avoid the awkwardness of not knowing what to talk about to kick things off or if it's considered normal to talk about this specific thing and AUGHGHFCG all this stuff.

[ariennebeak]

first baldurs gate character for my first time digitally rendering :D (timelapse under cut)

[diomedrian]

I have to learn business management from scratch while studying supply chain analytics and i don't want to leave classics behind so im at the very least trying to keep up with translation (and failing actually) and i have to work on my personal skills so im looking for a theatre class (social anxiety is absolutely not helpful) all the while running and exercising cos i've got a lot to be angry about. So YEAH ✌🏼✌🏼

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! Weird question time again, this time about push-ups! So I have a weird assortment of health issues, which makes most exercise in general somewhere between difficult, impossible, and inadvisable, but back before I got sick I was learning to do handstands and I loved it. Long story short, my new meds are helping, but it's been more than a decade and I want to work myself into being able to do handstands again without my arms collapsing and landing on my head, so I've been trying to strengthen my arms a little at a time So far, that's mostly been pushups*, but today I tried pushups with my feet elevated and that was significantly easier than normal pushups??? I'm pretty sure it's working different muscles, but it's also closer to a handstand, so have I been doing pushups wrong this whole time if my goal is handstands??? Also, are there other exercises you'd recommend if my goal is handstands? I want to really overprepare my arms in particular, because sometimes when my blood pressure is wonky my muscles are weaker than they should be, so I can't rely on them reacting correctly and I really don't want to fall on my head

*I also have a weird headstand trainer contraption thing that's basically like a shoulder rest so you can be upside down, like a headstand, without putting all your weight on your head? idk how to describe it but it helps practice the "being upside down" and "various torso muscles keeping you balanced while upside down" parts of handstands. I have no idea what it's called my mom was thrilled I wanted to do handstands and sent it to me

[d8tl55c]

C:

ive been waiting for someone to make the connection- XD

yeah i had an extra scene in my head where real CG walk in on chosen having figured out how to retrieve infinite Chain items (the building block) by unraveling pieces of chainmail summoned by the old recipe. which would be cool and useful since Chain looks nice for a variety of builds (and for some reason im always super stingy with my iron when i play so im always running out of Chain). and idk maybe further shenanigans ensue from there.

then i was almost settled on making another mini comic drawing,

but some parts would really look cooler as a gif to show off the chainmail emerging from fire and chains whipping around and,

and while we're at it maybe just make all that an animation, and WHOA

WHOA

WHOA

[homo-house]

Finally moving towards my lifelong goal of being a polyglot teeheeeeeeeeeeeeeee I feel so happy

[uchiha-gaeshi]

you? reblogging a post from six days ago?? how's your queue looking rn? 👀

Oh, that’s probably because I reshuffled my queue a couple days ago, so some posts from the last week do pop out. Once unshuffled posts start coming out of the queue, I just shuffle the next round.

My queue is, as usual, pretty bloated, but for the past month-ish it’s been sitting at around 500 posts give or take (it helps to post at every hour of the day). HOWEVER, I do have over 500 posts and counting in my drafts, which I’ll probably clear out (somewhat, a lot of the posts there are fics or long meta posts) when I get thru the mountain of shit I have to do + normal executive dysfunction in the next 2-3 weeks.