#I am mary

[ceebie-jeebies]

Asherrrrr

Ashes, a 17 year old Spider-Man from your hometown. Yes you. Your hometown. He will fuck you up and no one knows his real face as he is known to pass his legacy down. This is just the newest Ash, so be warned, newer, bloodier, spidermen are on their way.

[marisashinx]

Azul is on to something here...

[gatoburr0]

I HATE how this turned out WITH A PASSION.

[mari-lair]

Menu

[shadowhaert]

YELLOWJACKETS S1E01 | S3 TEASER

[gravesidepickup]

Its a weekly activity tbh. They're having a lot of fun.

[damiencrane]

Silence

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The girls are back (from the grave)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[owainigo]

..................................

[blackfire5561]

He wants a bite (of ice cream) 🍨

[mayaskribbles]

happy birthday, little brother

[boromirswife]

Boromir + arrows narrowly missing him… until they don’t 😔

[vaguely-concerned]

the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)

after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)

the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol

lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him

[thegirlwholied]

I regret to inform you that American Girl's latest dolls are from that ye olde historical setting of *1999*

i feel my sanity slipping

[mari-lair]

the 'favor tree'!

[disabled-dean]

Truly the way this scene would have hit so much harder if Mary was the right age. Like Dean, girl, you're 40! You sound crazy!! That is a truly crazy thing to say to her!! She's 29! She's been dead for decades! She was brutally murdered! Her marriage was arranged by heaven! Her babies are now fully grown men! She just learned what tiktok is!

But this dynamic also validates Dean's feelings sooooooooo much more imo. If Mary really is 10+ years younger than he is, and if she's given the internal life in the narrative to process everything that's happened to her and to grieve and figure things out on her own, then what he wants is truly something he can't have!

It's not just an issue of Mary being able to meet his needs and choosing not to or needing more time, she really truly cannot give him what he's asking for and that is so painful! And it's so real. That kind of grief and the struggle to accept that your parent is never going to parent you the way that you need them to.

Dean really did lose his mother, and even though she's back, it doesn't change or fix that, it just forces all these feelings to the surface. It's messy. It isn't fair. And it isn't either of their faults. It's that kind of family trauma that you don't really have anywhere to put, it just carves out a space in you.

Anyways stream Ten Minutes From Home: Lebanon Coda to play in the 29 year old Mary space with me <3