#I am in pain and I'm going to make this everyone else's problem
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astridthevalkyrie · 1 year ago
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everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh
long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional
#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now#and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him#they're both going to the correct doctors#but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is#jokes that i'm faking it#i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself#which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't#but when i was 16 or 17???#being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too???#who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was#so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time#and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space#i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me#i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems#i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!!#and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!!#my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY#the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS#i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!!#every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind#and not awkward or mean#i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't#and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this#i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware#but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit#i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone#i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child#my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow#what the actual fuck????#my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it
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drewsbraziliangf · 3 months ago
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nothing to say when heaven falls | Drew Starkey x black!reader
summary: what can you do when the person that’s supposed to understand and be on your side chooses to doubt your fears?
Word count: 1388
a/n: not edited, we die like soldiers!!!!! pls let me know if you wish to be added to my taglist
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"How can't you see how disrespectful this is to me, Drew?" You ask with a strained voice and teary eyes. "Everywhere you go she's looming like a shadow."
"She's my friend, what do you want me to do?" Exasperated, he asks.
"I don't know. Maybe tell her that your fiancé doesn't feel comfortable with her following you around, traveling abroad to see you or fuck, being all fucking touchy and handsy with you in public."
My throat was burning as the words slipped my mouth but I simply couldn't avoid it any longer. I am so tired of this whole situation and it has been going on for far too long. I just can't hold it back anymore.
"Can't exactly tell her what to do," he rolled his eyes this time.
"Really? Am I really asking for that much?" I look at the man in front of me with disbelief, "I just want to feel like I'm not invisible in my own goddamn relationship. She sees you more than I do and I am the one with a ring on my finger. How is this fair?" 
"Babe, listen, there's nothing going on between me and her. You have to believe me," he pleads as he runs his hands through his hair.
"You don't think I'm trying to believe you? I'm in the trenches everyday telling myself this over and over again, but how can I turn a blind eye to it when the first thing I see whenever I'm online is that you're both coincidently in the same city. For the millionth time."
I know that pulling this out in the open this way isn't the best option. But how could I keep bottling all of this up when it's causing such a heavy pain in my chest every time I see their names together?
It was always clear the perks of dating a public figure and I never backed out on it. Now seeing the man who asked me to spend the rest of my life with him and have his babies walking around with the woman everyone swears he was romantically involved with is messed up.
“I don’t know what you want me to do,” he admits as he walks away from me.
That felt like a punch. Because how could I make it anymore obvious? Do I have to draw it to a thirty year old why he should respect the woman he chose to propose to? 
“Are you for real right now?” I asked as I follow him into the kitchen of our shared apartment. “Did you really just said that to me, Joseph?”
At this point it felt like there was no going back anymore, either this was going to be totally fixed here or it wouldn’t at all. The bandaid was ripped and the wound was open and burning.
“How can you be so dull? You really can’t see what the problem here is?” 
I watch as he fills a glass with water and turns his back to me. He did it twice already. The off white walls of the kitchen lacked the warm they always brought when we were in it together. It felt claustrophobic and like the roof was going to fall over our heads at any given minute.
“You’re acting like I’m cheating on you. Like this is some major fuck up. It isn’t, you’re turning it into something it isn’t.” His tone was cold but looking at his posture it was clear that he was trying to maintain his calm.
The condescending tone in his voice made me want to shrink into myself and hide away from the world.
“Oh, right. Yeah, blame it on me for thinking that my fiancé going out of his way to be with his ex fuck buddy isn’t normal.”
“Careful,” he warns once finally looks at me.
“Or what, Drew? What else could you possibly do that will make me feel worse than I already do?” I challenge, my gaze locked on him as I wait.
After a few minutes of us staring down at each other, he shakes his head and sighs. 
“I’m not doing whatever this is. I’m done entertaining this,” he declares and he leans against the countertop.
Drew and I met around two years ago through a mutual friend. We instantly hit off and after a few dates, he officially asked me to be his girlfriend - which I obviously accepted. We had this instant connection that isn’t common. At first I was terrified of it, I knew who he was and the fact that his life was always being scrutinized by thousands of people. I knew what people said online about him and as we got closer and closer I couldn’t help but lose myself in the speculations about him even more.
Our relationship was great and we always made sure that each others boundaries were respected, so color me stoked to be in this situation right now. I am not dumb and every single day there is a needle pinching me making me think of stuff and situations like the one we find ourselves right now just indulge those thoughts.
In the early days of our relationship we made sure there were no secrets between us and past relationships. I knew I was his first black girlfriend, I knew he was born and raised in the South too. So joining that and the fact that I am an immigrant did make me scared of a lot of things, the main of them being the fact that it isn’t uncommon at all for men to always find their way back to that they are used to. 
So seeing her upon him all the time while people online barely know about our relationship feels like hell. Because even though I’m in family pictures that his sisters post online, and the very visible ring on my finger I am never considered the option of being his significant other. She is. Every single time. And he never did anything about it - hell, he never even set boundaries with her and she knows that we’re together. Am I really reading too much into things? 
Being three months away from our wedding day, this isn’t the kind of thought or conversations I would like to be having. I should be fucking excited and dress hunting, but lately the only thing that I feel like doing is swallowing lumps and holding back tears, faking smiles and pretending I’m fine. I’m not, I’m fucking falling apart and I’m so tired of begging to be seen. 
“I don’t know how else to tell you that I am not comfortable with this and that you shouldn’t be either,” I point out as the first tear cross the edges of my cheeks. “I don’t know how else to ask you to respect our relationship.”
“I respect our relationship, I always did. I just don’t think that what you’re saying right now makes any sense. Whatever I had with her in the past is over.” He says as he runs one of his hands through his face.
“Drew, honey, you’re not seeing things from my point of view. Imagine if it was me catching planes every other day to be with someone that I was involved in with in the past. And all of our friends know that you and I are together. How would that make you feel?”
At that he says nothing but silence can mean many things, and in this case it means consent. 
Tired of this back in forth conversation, I reach for my phone that was besides his on the counter and as if the timing couldn’t be more right, the screen of his phone lights up with an incoming call. No surprise flashes through my features as I see the picture on the caller id, both of them in a mirror picture as they brush their teeth.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I confess watching as he reaches for his phone quickly declining the call. “Not when you’re up to your eyeballs into whatever this is. I’ll make the calls tomorrow and cancel the dates with the venue.”
I grab my phone and my purse and I walk towards the front door before he can say anything else, I’m closing it behind me. 
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idkwhatever580 · 3 months ago
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You Like Me?
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Pairings: WandaNat, WandaNatxreader (eventually)
Prompt: I decided to pair this prompt and this prompt together to create one big mess :)
Warnings: Poly couple, swearing, Nat being kind of a bitch, crying, a wee bit of angst I assume, fluff, soft Wanda, suggestive tones, shit writing, really im serious this writing is so shit, lmk if I missed any!
A/N: I really hope I did y'all justice because this is my first time writing WandaxNatxreader so please bear with me as I probably write a trainwreck of a story @sxlfishbrokenheart
Also don't ask what is going on with the povs I am clearly struggling throughout the whole damn thing T-T
Natasha's thoughts = Red
Wanda's thoughts = Orange
Y/n's thoughts = Purple
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Movie night at the Avengers' tower means cry night for you. Everyone in the tower has strict assigned seating so that nobody gets in a fight, even though it doesn't always keep the peace.
Everything seems to be great except for the fact that you have to sit beside Wanda and Natasha. Which isn't a problem for everyone else right? Wanda, Nat, and Y/N the towers' favorite trio...
Bestie trio, that is.
While Wanda and Nat are the perfect power couple, you're left as the third wheel that also happens to be pining for the both of them. So, while everyone thinks you love sitting with them on movie nights, you sit in agony while watching them out of the corner of your eye.
Sometimes Wanda, who sits in the middle of you and Nat, will pull you into her and claim that it's just what besties do. You of course, can't say no to her, so you end up running back to your room after most movie nights to cry about your wishful thinking.
You honestly can't even remember a movie night where you actually watched the movie. You usually just fall asleep in their arms trying to soak up the affection while you can.
But your dynamic has changed in the past few months...
Wanda is still super lovey and always pulls you in, maybe even more so than before, while Nat has become meaner and ruder towards you. So, you really feel like you're impeding on their relationship, which makes you get into your head.
Maybe Nat is being mean to me because she is jealous. Of course, she has a right to be jealous when Wands has been really close with me. I don't want to ruin their relationship. I'm not even trying anything. Maybe it is because they can sense that I like them. Oh my gosh, it is... Of course! Wanda is being extra nice because she pities me, while Nat is being mean because she is blunter and more obvious that she doesn't like me. I need to leave them alo-
You are cut out of your thoughts when a hand is placed on your thigh. That hand is none other than Wanda's, she leans in and says, "Hey, you alright?"
You quickly nod your head, and she visibly relaxes, but she continues, "Are you sure? Because we haven't even started watching anything and you look like you're zoned out on the tv that isn't even on."
This conversation peaks Natasha's interest, so she leans forward so she can see you past Wanda with an eyebrow raised. She is clearly waiting for you to conjure up an answer.
You quickly stutter out, "Oh- yeah, um, I am fine, I just- I just zoned out for a sec, you know how my ADHD can be."
Wanda squints her eyes and exchanges a look with Nat, but they let it slide. You still decide that you need to pull away from them, you can't be pretending like they are yours to love when they aren't.
So, you scooch over to the other side of the couch you three share, which isn't too far considering there is almost no wiggle room between the three of you. It still saddens Wanda regardless, but you don't see that it also saddens Nat.
The movie starts and Wanda tries to pull you in again, you consider letting it happen, but today is different. Today you pull away again, but the look of hurt that flashes over Wanda's face hurts you more than any sort of cuddling could ever.
Her expression pains you so much in fact that you get up and go to run off. Nat grabs your hand to try and catch you and see what is going on with you, but you are somehow swifter, so you just pull your arm away from her grasp and walk off.
Nobody saw you run off because your couch is in the back, but Wanda and Natasha exchange each other's glances and immediately jump up to go comfort you.
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Wanda's pov
Y/n just ran off after I tried to cuddle with her, so Natasha and I are currently going to find her.
We are standing in the elevator waiting for it to go to our floor which is also Y/n's.
"Wanda, why did she run off like that?"
I look over at Nat and shrug with wide eyes, "I don't know, she doesn't normally do this. She pulled away earlier before the movie started but I didn't think anything of it. Oh God she didn't want to cuddle today, and I did it anyways I totally made her uncomfortable!"
Natasha cuts me off, "Hey! You're spiraling, clearly Y/n needs us to be there for her, so we have to stay calm. I am sure there is a very good explanation as to why she didn't want to cuddle tonight."
The elevator dings and we rush over to Y/n's room and before Nat bangs on the door, I lean up and hear her sniffles.
Nat hears this too and loudly knocks on the door.
I say, "Y/n? Honey? Can you let us in?"
She lets out a sob, but doesn't answer, and I am concerned for her safety, so I say, "Okay, I'm going to come in now."
I carefully pry open the door and see her sitting on her floor in tears, so I quickly make my way over to her and sit down next to her, "Darling can I hold you?"
She shakes her head, so I sigh and stay seated next to her. Eventually though, she ends up leaning into me and I wrap my arms around her. Once her tears cease, I softly say, "Can you tell us what's going on?"
She looks up at Natasha and gets scared and shakes her head. Natasha tries to ask, "Why did you run off Y/n?"
I know that she means well when she asks this, but the way it comes out is really harsh and Y/n starts crying a little bit again, and just starts shaking her head, so I hush her and lean into her ear to whisper, "Do you not want to say in front of Natasha?"
Y/n thinks about it and softly shakes her head.
I sigh and say, "I can send her out if you'd feel more comfortable."
She stays silent for a moment, and right when I think she is going to start crying again, she nods her head into my shoulder, so I lift my head up and use my powers to silently conversate with Nat in her head.
"She wants you out..."
"What?! Why?"
"Not sure."
"Then why do I have to go?"
"I know you don't get it, but she needs to feel comfortable and if that means that you have to leave then you need to go, please, I love you baby, but we have to get to the bottom of what is going on. I'll let you know after."
Natasha huffs and nods her head without another word, and she leaves the room to presumably go lay in our bed waiting for me to come and give her an update.
Once Nat leaves I go back to tending to Y/n. "Do you want to go on your bed? This floor might hurt your back."
Y/n nods softly and I pick her up and carry her to the bed. When I set her down, she sits up, so I know she is ready to talk. "Alright, what was that whole thing about? You never leave a movie night early, and you definitely don't run off crying... Right?"
The defeated look Y/n sends my way makes me realize this crying is a normal thing for her, "Oh dorogoy, why do you do this? Why don't you come to me or Nat?"
She sighs and says, "I can't go to you because- because... I- I can't tell you."
This hits me kind of hard, I don't want the woman that we love to feel like she can't come to us for anything. "Why do you say that?"
She gets frustrated and just blurts out, "Because Wanda! I-" Her face contorts to surprise at her outburst, and she quickly tries to cover it up, "I said I can't tell you for a reason."
I sigh and secretly read her mind, She is struggling because she thinks Natasha hates her.
All I see when I subtly read her mind are flashes of Nat being a complete and utter bitch to her, and that is all it takes for me to realize that she thinks Nat totally hates her guts.
I nod and say, "Okay, well I will let you figure it out, since you seem to want to be by yourself. We're always here if you need us. I am gonna go to bed I guess, Nat is waiting in our room, are you alright on your own?"
She simply nods and I ask another question, "You'll come to us if you need anything?"
She nods again and we say our goodbyes.
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I almost run to my shared room and immediately start telling Natasha everything. "Natasha, she does like us!"
Nat furrows her eyebrows, because I only use her full name when I am mad at her. So, she looks at me and says, "That's old news, but are you mad at me? And it also doesn't explain why she was crying."
I sit down on the bed and tell her, "Nat, I am not mad at you, you are just dumb."
Her jaw drops a bit, and she says, "I'm not stupid!"
I laugh when her subtle Russian accent comes out, (she's been hanging around Yelena way too much recently, but I like it) and say, "I called you dumb, not the same thing as stupid. Anyways, Y/n was crying because she likes both of us, and she is scared she is going to split us up because you don't like her."
She frowns and retorts, "but- I do like her?"
I glare and say, "I know that, but Y/n thinks you hate her because you are mean to her! You know she is a sensitive soul; you have to try a different approach than what you did with me."
The crease across her forehead never goes away, if anything, it gets bigger, "But I am only flirting with her, you know that is how I flirt."
I laugh and say, "Oh Natty, I knew you liked me because I can read minds, Y/n cannot do that, so she can't tell that you like her if you are a bitch to her, no offense."
She looks down and realization washes over her, so she says, "So what do I do? She barely talks to me anymore, and she definitely won't let me in her room right now."
I sigh and say, "you'll have to figure it out somehow."
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idk pov (guys I can't- I seriously don't know right now)
It has been a few days since the day you locked yourself away from everyone, and you have been avoiding both of them since.
You have locked yourself up in your part of Tony's lab and you just can't bring yourself to face them. You also skipped movie night last night and everyone was trying to see if you are okay, but you just told FRIDAY to let them know you are fine.
You are tinkering with one of your suit pieces when you realize you need a tool that you don't have, but you know Tony has it on his work bench.
So, you walk over to his side of the lab and of course none other than the Natasha Romanoff is sitting at his bench looking for something. You sigh and contemplate waiting for her to leave, but you really need this tool, and you see it right on a shelf above his desk. So, you sigh and make you way quietly over to the desk, but while you reach out to grab it, Nat also reaches up for the same tool and you bump each other's hands.
Within the blink of an eye, three things happen; Nat and you bump hands, you end up hitting the shelf, and one of Tony's weird gadgets fall onto your wrists effectively locking around your wrists and binding you together.
You groan and Nat says, "Shit, I didn't see you."
You shake my head and turn away as much as you can, and you say "It's fine, I should have made my presence known."
She starts looking at the gadget and you take a second to examine it closer and say, "Oh. My. God."
Natasha furrows her eyebrows in confusion and says, "What is it?"
You groan and say, "These are the vibranium tondricuffs Tony has been working on."
She rolls her eyes when you don't explain and says, "And what does that mean? I might be a spy, but I don't know this sciencey shit you do."
You shake your head from the soft thoughts of her perfect lips and say, "Oh- uhh it is just what he calls them, but when I say he is working on them, it means that he hasn't figured them out yet and I don't think he knows how to unlock them."
Nat takes a deep breath and says, "So, you're telling me, that since Tony can't seem to put away his stupid toys, we are locked together for the foreseeable future?"
You sigh and nod your head, dropping it the second you feel heat rising to your face at the thought of all the things you might have to do with Nat. "Who do we tell? Isn't Tony on a mission?"
Nat groans even louder at the realization and says, "I guess we should go tell Wanda, and then she will help make a plan right?"
You bite your lip at the thought of facing her, and Nat sees your hesitation, "Hey, what's up with you lately? You always want to see Wanda."
You make brief eye contact with Nat and quickly look away until she puts her fingers to your chin and pulls you to look at her. She looks deep into your eyes and says, "You've been distant, ever since..."
You sigh and say, "Sorry, I guess I don't like when people see me cry."
Nat furrows her eyebrows and says, "You're a terrible liar."
You look at her with shock and say, "I am not lying!"
She laughs and says, "Oh really?"
When you nod your head she smirks and says, "If you really didn't like when people see you cry, then why did you never shut us out before? You have cried in our arms before, and you have never done something like this."
You sigh and say, "Okay, well- maybe I have changed."
Nat rolls her eyes as you decide to continue your work on your suit, effectively dragging Nat along wherever you go, not that she minds. She keeps pressing even though you clearly want to drop the subject, "You're hiding something."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"No. I'm. Not."
"If you weren't hiding anything then why don't you tell me why you couldn't face me the other night? And why you can barely look at me today?"
This seems to break you, her constant nagging is really pissing you off and you just slam your tools on the work bench and say, "Alright fine! You really want to know why I have been avoiding you?"
She nods her head, "yes please do enlighten me."
You groan and turn to her completely and just blab everything, "Because! You clearly see that I like Wanda and you are mad so you have been really mean, which is understandable, because she is your girlfriend, but what you don't know is that I like both of you and I know you probably hate my guts even more than before, but I really needed to get that off of my chest and-"
Before you can let any more word vomit fall out of your mouth Natasha's lips are on yours in an instant. They shut you up really well.
Your eyes widen and you push her away as much as you can, given the fact that you're still handcuffed together.
"Nat what are you doing?!"
She looks at you, "Is that not what you wanted this whole time?"
"Well, yes, but what about Wanda?"
She realizes that you don't know that she and Wanda knew, "Oh! Right! Wanda knows you like her. And I knew I just didn't know how to flirt. I am apparently a really shitty flirt when I am being genuine. I can fake flirt, but when I have a real crush, I turn into an asshole. It worked for Wands, but I realized it didn't necessarily work for you huh?"
You shake your head with wide eyes. Still trying to wrap your mind around the fact that both of your crushes like you back. Before you can fall deeper into your thoughts, Nat asks, "Wanna continue what we were doing?"
All you can do is nod, but her lips are immediately locked on your own. The feeling burns but it burns so so good. You two continue to swap spit until you hear someone speak, "Am I interrupting something ladies?"
You both pull away and look to see Wanda standing in the doorway. You freeze, still unsure if she is okay with you kissing her girlfriend, and she starts to step towards the two of you.
Once she gets up really close to you, she gives you a soft look and walks by you to kiss Nat pulling away to say, "Hi baby."
They exchange some small talk, and you are really uncomfortable because you have no idea what to do. They are just acting like you're not there and that you and Nat weren't just kissing.
Then, they both turn to you and Wanda leans closer to you, "Tell me Natasha, was it your intention to keep this sweet thing from me?"
Your eyes widen as Nat shakes her head aggressively letting out a soft 'no'.
Who knew Natasha was a bottom... they even acted like she was the top around me. Impressive.
Wanda lifts your chin a bit to look at her and she smirks, "What is going on in that pretty little head of yours, y/n/n?"
You snap out of it and whine a bit, and Wanda smiles and says, "Do you want a kiss too?"
You nod your head.
"Words sweet one."
"Y-yes please."
She smiles and looks back at Natasha briefly saying, "This one has good manners. She knows her place well. We've known her for all this time and yet we're just finding this out. Oh, we're going to have so much fun with her Natty."
Nat nods her head, and Wanda turns back to you to say, "Now... about that kiss."
She leans in, and you meet her halfway to interlock her delicate lips together with yours. It is likes soft pillows meeting sparkling fireworks.
You get lost in the kiss and try to push a little more for a deeper one, but Wanda pulls away with a soft smirk. As much as you want to pout for losing contact with her, all you can do is send a dopey smile her way.
Wanda exchanges looks with Natasha and they both look back at you. Nat speaks first, "So, now that we have that out of the way, Wands and I were wondering if you wanted to be our girlfriend?"
Your eyes widen and Wanda speaks up a bit, "Don't feel pressured to give us an answer right now. We understand it's new, and you might be feeling overwhelmed, we just want to put the offer on the table."
Then she leans closer to you and speaks in a low tone, "Although we don't like to be kept waiting."
Her silky voice makes you blush a bit, but you clear your throat and say, "Date both of you? At the same time?"
They both nod their heads and you say, "Yes! A thousand times yes!"
They both smile as you kiss each of them multiple times.
Natasha sighs and says, "Alright, what do you want to do as our official girlfriend now?"
You smile and say, "As much as I would love to go watch movies to make up for the last two movie nights that I missed, I really would like to get this thing off."
You hold up both Natasha's and your connected arms up to show Wanda the tondricuffs.
Wanda's eyebrows raise, she's probably wondering what happened to get that locked onto you. Natasha sighs in defeat and says, "Oh, right... that." You softly grab Nat's hand.
Wanda is about to ask questions, but you cut in and say, "Ask questions later, find Tony now. Please."
Safe to say there was a lot to discuss, but it will all work out now that you have your girls.
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A/N: I'm so terribly sorry for how long this took me to write... I genuinely thought it would be quick and easy, but college is kicking my ass, and I really didn't want to leave you with nothing. So, it's a little shitty, but it's something!
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ohisms · 8 months ago
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↪ 𝑽𝑨𝑵 𝑯𝑬𝑳𝑺𝑰𝑵𝑮 . ( a collection of sentence starters from the 2004 film . adjust phrasing as necessary . mature themes present . )
oh , [ name ] . it's just you .
where are you going to run , [ name ] ?
what are you saying ?
why do you think i brought you here ?
you said you believed in my work .
i would kill myself before helping in such a task .
you've been so kind to me , [ name ] .
you can't kill me , [ name ] .
so , you're the great [ name ] .
we all have our little problems .
let's make it your decision , shall we ?
i wish you a week in hell .
why don't you do something about it ?
this is all a test of faith .
i can curse all i want , dammit .
you . turn around .
strangers don't last long here .
the laws of men mean little to me .
i don't need your help .
you stay here . they're trying to kill me .
nice to see you too , [ name ] .
did i do something to you in a past life ?
i hope you do have a heart , [ name ] . because someday i'd like to drive a stake through it .
your reputation precedes you .
i am hollow ! and i will live ... forever .
please , say you will not try again .
do not fear me ... everybody else fears me .
i was unprepared . it won't happen again .
do you understand forgiveness ?
i would rather die than help you .
don't be boring , everyone who says that always dies .
may he rest in peace .
how long has it been , 300 , 400 years ?
you don't remember , do you ?
what exactly is it i am to be remembering ?
it's no surprise you would know all about me .
we have such history , you and i .
have you ever wondered why you have such horrific nightmares ?
[ name ] , it's alright , i'm taking you home .
what , did you think we haven't tried everything before ?
no one knows how to kill [ name ] .
i could have used that information earlier .
would you like me to refresh your memory a little ?
allow me to ... reintroduce myself .
i think we've overstayed our welcome .
don't give me that look .
you were right . i'm sorry .
monster ? who's the monster here ? i have done nothing wrong !
look , there's still time .
you were right . i'm sorry .
do you have any family , [ name ] ?
if you value your lives , and the lives of your kin , you will kill me .
evil may have created it , may have left its mark on it , but evil does not rule it .
now you know why they call me a murderer .
oh my god ... you've been bitten .
so much trouble ... so much trouble .
now you will become that which you hunted so passionately . may others be as passionate in their hunting of you .
don't worry , god will forgive us .
how many commandments can we break in one day ?
oh my god , you should be terrified .
how does it feel to be a puppet on my string ?
neither of us has ever settled for half .
you make my skin crawl .
i'm not gonna like this , am i ?
one brief moment of pain , and we can be together forever .
you have no heartbeat .
you are nothing but damned bones , and damned souls .
well , that doesn't sound like a good thing .
we don't have a choice . just don't get killed .
you don't understand , it doesn't matter what happens to me .
god is not the only one that can create life .
you can't go until i say you can go , and i say you can go when you're dead !
you're supposed to die .
we are both part of the same great game , [ name ] , we just find ourselves on opposite sides of the board .
you are being used , [ name ] , as was i . but i escaped , so can you .
if you're going to kill someone , kill them . don't stand there talking about it .
all i want is life . the continuation of my kind .
some things are better left forgotten .
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kedreeva · 8 months ago
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After a month-long fight, Artemis' system finally threw in the towel. We put her to sleep this morning.
I am crushed, and I don't really know what else to say.
She started slowing down shortly after her last suprelorin implant, and the xrays showed something, a weird shadow or cross-peritoneal sac encompassing her heart and liver, but none of the three avian vets who saw it could interpret what it actually was or what to do about it. We started her on some painkillers and antibiotics, and tube feeding liquid chow so she would not lose condition if she was not feeling well. We changed up antibiotics, we gave her an antiemetic for nausea, we tried different pain meds...
For a little while, she seemed to be improving. Whatever it was, it wasn't as visible on the next xrays, and her bloodwork looked better. She was moving around more and sleeping less (she'd been sleeping all day at the start), she could get up and down to the big perch on her own.
And then last night, her crop was a little squishy when I gave her her evening meds. I hoped that it was just that she'd finally eaten a good meal before bed, but when I came out today to give her morning meds, the blueberries from the evening before were still in her crop. That's NOT good. Her urates were also stained yellow. I called the vet and got an emergency appt, but I knew before I left that I would probably have to make the call to end it. I gave her a little time out in the sunshine and grass while I got the car ready, and then we drove down. She sat quietly, and didn't complain during the exam, but ultimately the radiograph showed the problem was still present, and her kidneys were shining bright. Her GI tract had slowed to a stop, her heartbeat was slowed way down, and her urates were showing crystals.
So, I said my goodbyes, and the vet did as well. Everyone was fond of Artemis- she was always well behaved and sweet to everyone she ever met. She loved people, she loved cuddles. She was only 6. I knew she wasn't going to make it a full, normal lifespan, not with everything that was wrong from the get go, but I had hoped for a few more years. I got a few more than she'd have gotten with anyone else. It's never enough.
Artemis was my favorite, from the moment she hatched. She was never mean- not to humans, not to other birds. She is the ONLY bird I've ever owned that was like that. She loved Stan from the moment she met him, and tolerated his weird social habits to the end of his days. They were ALWAYS together, always sitting in the sun together, always following one another. I'm honestly not surprised she followed him to death- there are so many anecdotes from keepers who have birds that spend weeks, even months, grieving after losing a close flock mate. It wouldn't surprise me at all to find Artemis had been holding onto life with both hands for Stan, and with his passing she gave up.
I am going to miss painting with her so much. I have her first painting, and her last, in my bedroom, and I'm really glad I didn't let that last one go yet.
I don't really know what else to say, besides that she was my heart. I loved her, and I hate that she's gone. There will never, ever be another lady like her.
Sleep sweet, lovely. I'll miss you til the end of my days, and I look forward to joining you at the meadow when that comes.
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larluce · 15 days ago
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First I wanted to say hello and tell you that I love your works. They really have me on the edge of my seat every time I read them.
Second. Can you imagine that Merlin, in some new alternative universe, for some reason, upon arriving in Camelot, arrives with a baby? It's all still a Merthur ending, it should be noted.
Like, we know that Merlin was already a bit of an outcast in the village for the reason that nobody knew who his father was and even more so because strange things were always happening around him.
The situation gets much worse when he finds a crying baby in the middle of a burnt tent near the village.
Will and his mother try to help him for a while, but with the visits of the evildoers to the village becoming more and more frequent, Merlin and the baby have no choice but to go to Camelot.
And so the adventures begin!
Only now Arthur wonders if they can make crowns for babies, because he is willing to marry Merlin and legally adopt the baby as his own.
And Morgana… well, she and Gwen enjoy dressing up the baby in all the clothes from her old dolls. Not to mention that she notices that by taking naps with the baby she no longer has nightmares.
The knights become, in some way or another, glorified nannies. The servants and maids must chase after a baby who never stops causing mischief in the castle.
And Merlin just wants to survive colic season and potty train his baby… and everything would be easier if there weren't a murderer or a resentful wizard trying to kill Arthur every 3 minutes.
First, thank you so much for the compliments! 🥹🤧❤️
About the concept. I love it! I don't think going to Camelot to live would be Merlin or Hunith's first option for a baby that can't control their magic at all. So I firmly believe Hunith would send Merlin with the baby there so Gaius can take them to a druid camp so they could take refuge there.
The problem is, before Gaius can do so, Merlin is made the prince's personal manservant. Merlin can't exactly deny the king and he does need the money to take care of his baby so he decides to stay to Gaius dismay. Gaius and Merlin try to keep the baby hided at first so they take turns taking care of her (in my mind is a her) in Gaius' tower in secret. It works out for some weeks but then the plague (Nimueh's Afanc) happens and Arthur searches Gaius' tower.
Arthur: (enters Merlin's room) Merlin: (running inside) Arthur, wait! Baby: (sitting on the bed, looks up at Arthur and gives a cute giggle) Arthur: (Turns to Merlin slowly) Merlin? Merlin: Yeah? 😅 Arthur: Why is there a baby in your bed? Merlin: (in panic, shouts the first thing that comes to his mind) She is mine! Arthur: ... Arthur: What? 😧 Merlin: (repeats more quietly but more firmly) She is mine. (runs to hold her up and embraces her) She is my daugther. Arthur: (thinking) But... but he is so young. (says) Where's the mother? Merlin: (with pain as he remembers the burnt tent) She passed away. Arthur: (his heart hurting for Merlin) I'm so sorry. But Gods Merlin, why didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have given you so many chores if I knew... (thinking) And I almost sacked you. I almost sacked a single father with a baby in arms! (says) And why the hell are you hiding her? Merlin: I... wasn't sure if I could keep her. Arthur: Of course you can keep her! What kind of master do you think I am? Knight x: (from outside) Sire? Arthur: (shouts back) In a minute! (to Merlin) What's her name? Merlin: Brigitta. Arthur: (repeats softly and smiles) Brigitta.
From then on, Arthur doesn't give Merlin as many chores and raises his salary considerably. And then everybody else finds out about Briggitta and go "I've only met Brigitta for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself".
Some events would change, obviously, and some would remain the same but with a new perspective. I don't think Merlin would have time to make Lancelot a fake seal, for example, having to look after Brigitta and all. I can imagine Lancelot becoming Brigitta's first unnofficial babysiter, then Arthur makes it official so poor Lancelot has a salary and a place to stay in Camelot. The Poisoned Chalice episode would remain the same, except Arthur would be more in panic mode and desperate because MERLIN HAS A DAUGHTER! BRIGITTA CAN'T LOSE HER FATHER TOO!
I think it would be The Beginning of the End where Arthur and Morgana find out about Brigitta's magic and Merlin's magic. Not because they discovered her, surprisingly, but Merlin decided to tell them all the truth about her and himself after seeing how they saved Mordred. Also, since Merlin saw Brigitta's possible future in Mordred, he wants to leave Camelot too to keep her safe. Screw all what the dragon told him about destiny, his daugther comes first.
So Merlin and Brigitta are about to leave with Mordred with the druids. They are having a heartfelt goodbye with Arthur, who scorted them there, but then...
Brigitta: (cries very loudly in Merlin's arms and the earth starts shaking a bit) Merlin: I know, I know, baby, but we have to go. Brigitta: (cries more loudly and extends her little arms to Arthur) Arthur: (barely containing his tears) I'll miss you too, Biddy. But this is the best for you- Brigitta: ATHU! 😭 Arthur: (open his eyes wide) What did she just said? Brigitta: (still crying and making grabby hands at him) ATHU, ATHU, ATHU! 😭 Arthur: (tears roll down his eyes) She said my name... Merlin, she said my name! (grinning widely) Let me hold her one more time, please! Merlin: (gives Brigitta to Arthur) Druid leader: (urgently) We need to leave now! Merlin: (looking at Arthur and Brigitta tenderly and smiles) Leave, we'll stay.
I also can imagine Nimueh going after Brigitta's life instead of Hunith, and having to confront not only a very furious Merlin, but a feral protective prince.
That's how far my imagination can go. If you have any ideas of how Merlin and Arthur or other character would act in other episodes now with Brigitta in the equation, share it in the comments or reblogs. I'll be happy to read you 🥰
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gayf1hoe · 4 months ago
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Risking It All
Scenario - Logan joins a brand new team to Formula 1 and is finally able to showcase his true talent however his new team principal catches his eye in more ways than one. But is his team principal willing to risk it all for his new driver.
“Y/N we have been going over this you need to choose the driver line up” 
“God if I had known it would be this stressful I would never have agreed to invest in this team” 
As Haas is leaving after this season in F1, me and my best friend, which is a term I use quite loosely, decided it would be a good idea to invest in an F1 team. We have always been passionate about F1 and it wasn't until we heard about Gene Haas pulling the Haas F1 Team out of the sport we decided to shoot our shot with the FIA and for some reason they agreed. 
As I have the biggest stake in the team I'm practically in charge of everything and I have been appointed team principal because our budget doesn't extend to the stage where we can employ thousands of staff. I have also been tasked with finding our driver line up and it's harder than it sounds because every driver wants a certain amount of money we don't have or wants to know what car we will have when it hasn't even been finished yet. I currently have a wall full of drivers' faces in my office with loads of red crosses on their faces. It basically looks like a hit list at this point. 
We have one driver confirmed and that's Pietro Fittipladi who was a reserve for Haas and we have decided to give him a chance in a full F1 seat. If he's shit then it doesn't matter because it's our first season so we can all blame the car. 
I'm down to my last 2 options and they are Kevin Magnussen and Logan Sargeant. I can't decide which one I want but they are our only options as they are the only 2 people not trying to bankrupt us with their salary requests. Kevin is a good driver however his fines and penalties he likes to get from the FIA could be a problem but Logan is also a good driver but I fear what he may do to the car. 
“We need a decision,” my friend presses on.
“Listen Jarno I will give you an answer soon don't worry, but the more you press on the more it pisses me off” 
“Oh and by the way the new race engineer contracts are on your desk” 
That's another thing that has been a pain some of these Engineers have been asking for more than the drivers themselves but we eventually managed to get Pierre Hamelin who is Danny Rics engineer at VCARB and Steven Petrik who is Valtteri Bottas' engineer at Sauber. 
I stare Intensely at the photos on my wall of Logan and Kevin and make a decision like the responsible team principal I am going to be, I will make my decision by inputting their names into a random generator and choosing whoever it lands on and when people ask me how I made my decision I will provide them with some professional bullshit lie.
I press generate and look away from the screen and when I spin my chair around I see Logan written in capital letter on my screen so I pick up the phone and dial. 
“Is that Logan's manager” 
“It's Y/N L/N team principal of Apex Racing I was just calling to confirm logan as part of our driver line up for next year” 
We spent about an hour on the phone and when I left the factory it was pouring down with rain. 
Everyone else left to leave me to do the breaking stuff which is no surprise. I feel like it was a bad idea to create an F1 team with an Esports driver. Me and Jarno have been friends for ages but I was always into what I call “proper” racing not racing on the computer but the past year we have grown closer I mean we have had no choice we have been up until 2 am trying to find sponsors because there is no way either of us has the kind of money to spontaneously invest in and start an F1 team unlike some people cough cough Lawrence stroll. 
I go home and collapse on my bed ahead of tomorrow when we announce our driver line up. 
“Y/N maybe you should stand in the centre” 
“Maybe you should hurry up and take the photo” 
Who knew the media could take so long like it's just taking a photo? Why do I have to act like a model and do all these weird stances and things with my face which apparently is called smiling? I haven't done that since I set out to make this team. I mean there's not been a lot to smile about late night meetings, early morning meetings, travelling, emailing. I think I've forgotten how to sit down without doing some form of work.
Logan and Pietro are coming by to the factory later to finish signing their contracts, the current F1 season isn't finished yet and technically a team wouldn't be allowed to start manufacturing their car now but the FIA gave us permission as we have had to make major changes to the factory. We brought it from Red Bull it's one of their old factories and I guess they felt bad for the new guys so gave us a good price, well a good price for an F1 factory I guess, because I have never seen that amount of zeros on a price tag and been told “that's actually reasonable”. 
The first thing I notice about Logan is his smile and calm demeanour. He's had a tough time of late so it surprises me because I have had a tough time and I am probably the last person anyone wants to piss off. As I'm also team principal I will be seeing a lot of the guys at the track so it's imperative we get along, but the two drivers seem to get along. But it's how they get along on track I'm more focused on. 
Just because they are besties off track it doesn't mean they will be like that on track and I don't want any Hamilton Rosberg or Verstappen and Ricciardo situations because it will kill me and my bank account. 
We give the drivers a tour of the garage and I get talking with Logan as up until this point everything has been done through his manager. 
“So are you looking forward to joining the team?” I ask. 
“I am but I must ask how did an Esports champion and a former racing driver start an F1 team so quickly as well”
“It's a long answer and quite painful”
After a tour of the factory we get to singing contracts and doing the media posts and stuff. No one is surprised that Logan is leaving William's given they literally announced Carlos Sainz a week ago but I'm sure everyone thought he was done with F1 given his 2 year stint at williams has been far from extraordinary. 
Pietro I guess is a bit of a shock as well as he's been on the sidelines for a while he only really made an appearance after Romain crashed in Bahrain a few years ago but he's been pretty active in indycar and not been doing too bad.
“I will see you in Melbourne next year” I say closing waving logan off. 
I'm going on a long break and any issues Jarno or someone else can deal with. 
Pre Season testing was nothing to write home about, we had a few minor issues but I would be more concerned if everything was working fine because then we would have done everything right and not even teams like Ferrari can do that. 
Now FP1 is in session I'm looking to see what the two guys can do against the clock. 
We have a pretty decent car and by that I mean we are ahead of Sauber, Alpine, VCARB, William's we are sort of fighting between the Astons and Mercedes cars. 
“Let's do a simulated quali run on logan” I suggest turning to the race performance engineer. 
Logan comes in and puts on a fresh set of tyres and heads back out. I wish I could say I'm not sitting here thinking “please don't crash the car’ but I am. I mean Logan hasn't given me a reason not to think that my opinion of him is based on what he was like at Williams. But I'm not letting him know that as that would ruin his confidence. We have given him our full support and let him know of that. He has been told he will receive upgrades as soon as they are made he will never be sacrificed for his teammates mistakes and its seemed to improve his morale. 
Logan crosses the line and goes up to P4. It's not P1 but I will take it nonetheless and Logan's elation over the radio tells me we are in for a fun year. 
I'm on the pit wall with Sky Sports so after Logan's run I get the joy of talking to Karun Chandhok in the commentary box. 
Karun: Y/N first weekend as a team principal and a team owner of a new team and you have a driver in P4 and P6. It must feel pretty good right?
Y/N: Of course we have worked hard to put ourselves in a strong position and we want to give our drivers a car that can showcase their abilities. 
Karun: Well a question everyone is asking is why logan? His career at Williams surely couldn't have been the reason to choose him. 
Y/N: Well what I told Logan was forget William's ever happened or existed whatever happened or was said at Williams is the past. We have faith in him and we know what he can do with a good car and he showcased that to us on his simulated qualifying run. 
Karun: Lastly Y/N what is the goal for Apex Racing both this weekend and for the end of the year where do you want to be? 
Y/N: Ideally and realistically with the car we have we would like to finish P5 in the constructors with our main rivals being Aston Martin however with Mercedes taking on a rookie driver maybe we could capitalise on the lack of experience at the team as we have two experienced drivers. We haven't told the drivers where we would like them to finish in the standings, it's just go out race and have fun. 
At the chequered flag of FP1 I head up to the engineering office in preparation for the debrief, that's when I hear someone calling my name. I turn around to see Logan doing a light jog over to me. 
“Is everything OK?” I ask. 
“Yes i just wanted to say thank you for giving me such a good car and having faith in me I guess it was really nice to go out and show my full potential to everyone” 
“You're more than welcome Logan” 
He embraces me in a hug and as an automatic response I hug back not contemplating the implications of a team principal being this affectionate with their driver. But surely this won't come too much. Engineering meetings to someone who doesn't understand half of what they are talking about are quite boring. I mean I haven't got the first clue about the brake shape setting into turn 1 but I just nod as if I do. 
Throughout the whole meeting every time I look up I make eye contact with Logan. It's kind of like when you're in school and look at your crush and they are looking right back at you, not that I have a crush on Logan. 
Most of the day is spent doing admin stuff, things are still all over the place and we are just seeing how we function as a team. Most of our team is from Haas and we have taken on a lot of staff from F2 as it seemed the most economical way, as people with less experience don't cost as much. 
Qualifying. 
“OK before we go out I want to just say that this is our first weekend and anything above P20 I will be grateful for but we know what the car and both drivers are capable of so let's work hard and show to everyone we are not a joke” 
Both drivers hop in the cars and we time it so that on both drivers flying laps they get a tow which will gain us a few vital tenths. Logan's first lap puts him in P8 and Pietro’s P6 so they will definitely have to go out again.
We send both out at the same time and by now I have no nails, my eyes are just fixated on the live feed and sector times and as they cross the line Logan shoots up to P4 and Pietro P5. 
I can hear the team cheering behind me as the chequered flag waves on Q1. Q2 was just as successful with both drivers making it to Q3 knocking out the likes of Stroll, Piastri and Antonelli. 
Now the pressures on I can see the live telemetry showing how much Logan is pushing his car and I quite literally can't watch. And I don't look up until I hear the ecstatic cheer from being. 
Pietro P8 and Logan P4. Not bad for a new team I guess and a driver people had written off ages ago. 
We may be the only team happy with not being on pole but this is a great start in comparison to other teams when they first joined. 
In the team meeting later that day I don't have much to say other than “That was fucking exceptional”. I have never seen Logan smile so much. 
We are using Honda engines which are known for being quite powerful and the drivers are constantly praising the amount of power they have. It was a great day and I can't really fathom how any of this is real. 
As I'm sitting in my office writing a press statement about our first day there is a knock on my door. I get up and open the door revealing Logan standing there. I motion for him to come in and he takes a seat at the table so I pull out a chair and sit next to him. 
“What can I do for you?” I ask. 
“I was wondering if it would be possible to go out for dinner one night this week”
“Sure I think that would be a great idea, allow everyone to get to know each other it will be good”
“I sort of meant it as just me and you”
I don't really know what to say. I don't want to ask if it's a date because that makes it weird but then if I don't ask I will be left with this looming question of what does it mean. 
“Why do you look so confused?” Logan asks. 
“I'm just wondering why a driver would want to go out for dinner with their team principal”
“Well because I would like it to be a date” he declares whilst rubbing his hands together.
I stutter for a moment and Logan's face flushes with a pale red colour of embarrassment. 
“Sure I would love to go on a date with you” 
I haven't even been a team principal for one race weekend and I'm going on a date with one of my drivers that surely goes against every professional standard ever. I know that if I end dating Logan I will never hear the end of the fact that I am ‘biassed’. 
I spend ages looking through my limited outfit choices, I mean 85% of my clothes are work clothes and the rest are beach clothes. I eventually settle on a pair of light blue shorts and a white shirt that doesn't look too formal but also looks like I made an effort. 
Apprehensive, I open my hotel room door and make my way down to the car where Logan said he would meet me. It's kind of awkward as I'm just stood by his car whilst everyone looks at me weird or that's what I think they are doing I could just be very paranoid. When he finally turns up he already has an excuse ready. 
“Sorry I got held up by Alex who wanted to show me photos of his new cat” 
Dinner goes well, I mean we don't get spotted and the food is nice, the waiter did refer to Logan as my boyfriend although we booked a table for two at a romantic restaurant it's understable as to why he would make the assumption about us. 
Being on the pit wall before the race is a strange alien feeling. I mean sure I've been sat here for testing, free practice and qualifying but there's a completely different atmosphere today. Both me and Jarno are intently staring at the screens and both drivers know it so the pressure is on. 
Before the start of the race I make sure to give the drivers a few last words of encouragement over the radio and then I sit back and close my eyes for the next 2 hours. 
It's a fairly good start if you minus Lando’s jump start and Ocon nearly taking out Gasly. Logan gently introduces his tyres which will give him the edge on other drivers later. Today I'm not worried about gaining places or getting a podium. I would be happy with P9 and P10. 
There is a brief problem with Logan's car but the engineers give him some sort of code that fixes the issues, how that works I do not know but if I could fix my car with a few numbers I would have saved a lot of money. 
Pietro is first to pit and all attention is on the pit crew for their first Grand Prix pit stop and it goes fairly well being a 2.6 second stop. It's not as good as Red Bull and McLaren but we have to start somewhere. Logan's next and as he's coming down the pit lane William's release Albon way too close to Logan and he enters the box, it's almost as if they are jealous of the unlocked potential Logan has. 
5 Laps to go. I begin to see everyone's faces become more focused in the crucial last laps. Logan is in P6 Pietro P9 if they could just hold on to this I can cancel my meditation class. 
2 Laps to go. Yuki has been lapping on average a 10th faster than Logan each lap and is within attacking distance. 
“Tsunoda 0.8 with DRS” I hear the engineer say and this is when I spin my chair to look in the pit lane. 
Last Lap. Logan manages to fend off Yuki each time and they are approaching the finish line. All the team members are stood up out of their seats and are cheering. 
Anyone who said Logan was talentless must be regretting their words now. 
There's a firm knock on my door. 
“hey” I say looking up to meet a smiling face.
“hey, I just wanted to say thank you for allowing me to prove everyone wrong I never thought I would get P6” 
“You are welcome logan” 
“How about I show you how grateful I am” 
“How will you do that?” 
He pushes me against the fibreglass wall and pulls our faces together. I can still see the shimmering layer of post race sweat on the bridge of his nose. He inches closer making a firm connecting between our lips. Edging his tongue out of his mouth to connect with mine. Then the moment of pure euphoria is disowned by the sound of the team obnoxiously singing in the hallway. 
“I guess we will have to continue this later” I say with a suggestive smile whilst opening the foot to be greeted by the entire team in a small corridor. 
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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 months ago
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I wonder what would happen if the Glorious Masquerade gang and the PlayfulLand group swapped places 🤔
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I've previously speculated on what Rollo's interactions with Ace, Ortho, Lilia, and Leona would be like! However, those were written under the pretense that there would be an event directly following Glorious Masquerade in the in-game timeline (so the other 11 NRC students would walk in already knowing what went down the first GloMas). The Anon above seems to be asking for a slightly different scenario in mind: what if the Playful Land attendees went to the Glorious Masquerade and the Glorious Masquerade guests went to Playful Land to begin with?
Instead of linking you to those old posts (since they're running on a slightly different premise), I'm going to present you all of my thoughts in this post that you're currently reading!!
Please note:
I will assume the same major story beats play out. The focus of this post is how Rollo, Fellow, and/or Gidel would interact with a different cast of characters, as well as how the NRC boys would react to the new circumstances they are in.
For simplicity’s sake, I will also assume the same SSR trios (even if I think other characters could be as meaningful in those roles); this means SSR Ortho, Ace, and Kalim vs Rollo and SSR Malleus, Idia, and Azul vs Fellow and Gidel. There will be a more intense focus on the interactions between these characters over the others, as well as how they problem solve.
The same rarities apply for everyone else. That means Floyd stays a SR in GloMas, Silver stays a R for Playful Land, etc.
I won’t be talking about Yuu and/or Grim’s roles in these events since they’re present in both and don’t play a large part in the conflict and its resolution. (The latter also applies for Trein.)
Technically I believe only the SSR trio of GloMasq learned about Rollo's motivations in detail, but 🤡 I think it'd be so fascinating if other characters knew and reacted to this knowledge too, so I will be writing my thoughts about that.
Are you ready? Then… Let’s go to the Glorious Masquerade/Playful Land!!
Glorious Masquerade:
Lilia
Gramps would have so much fun exploring the city and learning about its history! He'd be especially fascinated by NBC, since he hasn't had the chance to visit its campus before.
Praises Rollo for being so young yet so knowledgeable and respectful of the City of Flowers' history. It has changed so much since Lilia was last here! They're... amicable enough at first, but Rollo doesn't care for Lilia's penchant for surprises and sometimes juvenile proclivities.
Aggressively cuddles the community goats. (“They’re almost as cute as I am!”)
Of course, Lilia will have to pick up souvenirs for all of his children back home.
Lilia quickly becomes chums with the gargoyles as soon as he realizes they’re alive. He’ll talk about wanting to bring Malleus next time to see the talking gargoyles, which evokes a dark chuckle from Rollo.
Lilia would probably also be busting a move and spamming so much fun magic during the Festival of Fools/Topsy Turvy Day celebration (and make Rollo so mad in the process).
I like to imagine that Lilia, in his old age and wisdom, is the one that identifies the fire lotuses/crimson flowers right away and exposits to everyone else about what they are and what danger they pose to the world.
One of the first to volunteer himself as a sacrificial pawn to let the youngins charge ahead. After all, that's his duty as the oldest in the group 🎵 (but he actually ends up being one of the final ones to stay behind instead of the first; Lilia's just too strong of a card to play right away!)
Assuming that Lilia learns about Rollo's motives in the end, I feel like he'd give Rollo a verbal smackdown (similar to how he went after Leona's ass in book 2). Though Lilia understands the importance of family and the pain of losing loved ones, he'll never agree with, nor stand by, Rollo when he's taking such extreme measures to reconcile with his guilt. He’d probably lecture him at the masquerade too, trying to get Rollo to understand the positives of people opening up and coming together instead of living in isolation and narrow mindedness.
Like Trein, Lilia might keep himself open or make an effort to keep an eye on Rollo following the events. You never know when he might need advice or a mentor figure. What the not attempted was awful, but Lilia won’t allow hate to win out in the end. What he most desires is a world where everyone—even Rollo—can live in harmony.
Jack
Gives Rollo his utmost respect—after all, he’s an upperclassman and a representative from another school!! He tries to smile and listen attentively when Rollo speaks, though it’s hard for Jack to sense much of anything from him. Jack defers to Leona for his opinion, then marvels at his dorm leader’s wisdom.
He’s really impressed by Rollo’s discipline, from his detailed schedules to his exact meals every day. It’s not that different than following a strict training regimen!
Jack is the strong, silent type that just goes along with whatever the rest of his tour group wants to see and do.
His face normally makes people wary or feel intimidated. Since it’s Topsy Turvy Day they celebrate and laugh with him instead of shying away.
The goats try chewing on Jack’s tail, then they get skittish and scatter when he growls at them and tells them to cut it out.
When magic isn’t an option, leave it to Jack to be the raw physical powerhouse that buys the group time to ascend the bell tower!
Jack can't say that he understands Rollo's motivations, but as a big brother himself, he knows he'd be devastated to lose his siblings in such a way. Even so, he can't accept this--no, he swears to protect that which he loves. "Let's see whose will persists over the other's."
Trey
“It's nice to meet another Normal, Totally Sane, and Responsible person you,” Trey says, shaking Rollo’s hand. (Boy has no idea wtf is in store for them later.)
He unnerves Rollo by asking him how often he brushes his teeth and flosses after a single croissant. (Trey should compare his eyes to grapes too :3)
Very interested in sampling the local goods and pastries. He chats with the bakers about their techniques and specialties. Trey will try to recreate them for Heartslabyul since he can’t bring them back fresh for his dorm. Maybe he could try presenting Riddle with a grape tart instead of the usual strawberry?
He makes a dad joke about candying the flowers and eating them like sugared violets. No one laughs so he has to explain he wasn’t serious.
Like Lilia, Trey feels compelled to step up to the plate for his juniors when push comes to shove. “Riddle will kill me dead if I don’t make sure our dorm members are safe.” And with a solemn tip of his hat, Trey’s off to do battle with the deadly blooms.
Trey would feel bad for Rollo once everything comes to light. Of course it’s not easy for an older brother to lose their younger sibling—Trey’s an older brother too. There’s a guilt mixed with his sorrow, a part of him wondering if Rollo would still feel this way had someone been there to emotionally support him. It reminds Trey of his own complicated feelings when he didn’t deescalate Riddle’s rage. Who here was really responsible: Rollo, or the world he felt had failed him? That’s the question that Trey asks himself.
Jade
Jade immediately tries to flatter and befriend Rollo. (It pays to have friends in high places, no?) He makes it known that if Rollo ever needs any help, he’d be more than happy to assist. Rollo assures Jade that he doesn’t, he prefers to work alone—much to the eel’s disappointment. “Well, the offer is always on the table,” he says hopefully.
He'd be fascinated by all of the flora unique to the City of Flowers thanks to the Bell of Salvation's magic. Probably stockpiling stuff to bring back home and cultivate for personal projects such as his terrariums or various potions.
Jade stops by almost every food shop or stall to sample the local wares. He has a very healthy appetite (plus, Azul sent him on a mission to scope out the flavors of the city).
He’d love the glass mobiles—they remind him of the trinkets the Mermaid Princess of old would collect in her treasure trove.
Jade’s at first amused by the idea of flowers that fight back and actually pose a formidable threat to mages. Damn, it should have been him, not Rollo/j It’s so out of the ordinary—how could he not be entertained? It’s not every day that you face the end of the world as you know it.
He still helps in the battle to the bell tower, but he won’t automatically put himself in danger if others are willing to first. Jade has to preserve himself first and foremost! He’d probably try to manipulate NBC mob students to be his human shields before directly fighting the flowers.
Every so often he will drop an ironic comment like, “How dedicated Rollo-san must be to cultivate such beautiful and rare flowers.” (“Don’t act impressed by this!!” his classmates shout back.) Jade reassures them he’s taking this seriously, he’s just stopping to smell the roses along the way 😌
When the truth comes out, Jade claims that Rollo is a “poor, unfortunate soul” and offers nothing but pity for him. Internally, he’s marveling at the turn of events—surprised that the SSR trio would stoop to peeking in Rollo’s diary for information that’s something Jade would do himself www, chuckling at Rollo’s desperate struggle for salvation. It was well worth coming on this trip just to witness this all play out himself.
Cater
He’s his usual friendly, bubbly self around Rollo. The problem is that Rollo doesn’t reciprocate any of Cater’s attempts to socialize—he keeps things curt and professional.
Pulls Rollo into selfies and tells him to smile. Rollo doesn't.
Shocked when he learns Rollo prefers letters for texting or email. Rollo is just as appalled by Cater’s phone addiction.
Loooves the of and breads the city has to offer! The wide variety is aesthetically pleasing and keeps his camera sated. Plus, he doesn’t mind eating them instead of the sweets being offered.
Constantly snapping pictures to post on Magicam, cooing about how he loves "the vibes". (He also has documentation on his phone of the whole "wow, the city is infested with flowers" incident, but had to purge them when the group decides to let Rollo live with the guilt to himself.)
Cater would rely on the others to volunteer as shields first before he gets involves with the battles. He’d probably be one of the students to be forced into a situation where he has to fight the flowers (similar to how Jamil and Ruggie got cut off from the group and were forced to stay behind).
He could use his UM to make Cater copies that help to distract the flowers. I’m not sure how he could be impacted as the caster or if magic would still be absorbed if the flowers got to the clones and made them dissipate upon impact, but it’s worth a shot.
Despair is an emotion that Cater knows well but doesn’t show. Seeing that in Rollo strikes a nerve in him. His own loneliness and hopelessness is an echo of Cater’s. “Do you think this could have been avoided if someone had just been there for him?” Trey asks. (“I don’t know,” Cater replies, feeling as though he’s been punched in the gut. “It’s still totally not cool what he did though!”)
Vil
Cordial introductions and polite conversation are in order. Vil has no trouble navigating the city, nor dealing with Rollo. He’s had plenty of experience with stiff perfectionists in his industry (and it helps that Vil is one himself).
He compliments the NBC uniforms for being humble yet stylish. Rollo isn’t sure what to make of the comment (his face is blank) but he thanks Vil anyway.
Being a celebrity, Vil turns heads during his city tour. Rollo frowns in disapproval as fans swarm him, regarding Vil as a diva that promotes the sin of overconsumption. It doesn’t help his opinion that Vil often presents in an extravagant manner, full face of makeup, high heels, and all. It’s too much for the man to handle without his handkerchief.
Vil demonstrates an interest in the City of Flowers’ flora, just like Jade does. He’d love to preserve some for potions and his homemade cosmetics, but alas! They wouldn’t last the trip back. He’ll settle for other items: grape infused skincare and prank handkerchiefs—the latter, a bit juvenile, he confesses, but they’d make for excellent props for his Film Research Club.
When disaster strikes, Vil’s ready for action. His elegant, lithe form allows him to tuck and roll out of narrow scrapes with the flowers (all that work he does for doing his own stunts pays off here).
He can’t help but scoff at the irony of Rollo’s predicament. It’s a cruel twist of fate, but he cannot overlook Rollo’s actions. “You stand before a burning city and still call yourself its savior? Nothing could be so sad as a villain who has deluded himself into believing he is a hero. You’re rather full of yourself, aren’t you?”
Leona
Leona doesn’t care for kissing up to others, but he’ll do the bare minimum of greeting Rollo in his “royal persona” before going back to his usual rougher, less polished attitude. He has no one to impress, nor does he care enough to (even with Vil and Rollo chiding him).
He languidly strolls through the halls of NBC as if he owns the place. When his eyes pass over the mob students, they seem to straighten, standing at attention.
Leona doesn’t seem all that thrilled to see the gargoyles around. He gets this scowl on his face and mutters something about how they remind him of a certain lizard who won’t shut up about them. “Lizards, yes,” Rollo mysteriously agrees. “Such despicable, vile creatures.” Leona eyes him—sure to keep that in mind.
He susses out Rollo. Leona has a keen sense for ill intent and stays wary. He might not know what specifically drives Rollo, but he’ll at least as a sneaking suspicion like, "oh, [Rollo] is putting on airs/this isn't his 'true self'," etc.
His heart isn’t in the tour. Leona’s already familiar with the history and culture here thanks to his tutors. As Trein lectures, he’s yawning and thinking about being anywhere but here. Still, Leona doesn’t miss a beat when Trein surprises him with a verbal pop quiz. Sharp as a tack, he responds with a correct answer and a smirk.
He finds some Bibles ancient texts to read later. They came on a strong recommendation from Rollo, who says he and the other NBC students read and recite from it on Sunday mornings. “This had better be good,” Leona grumbles.
The local goats really REALLY like Leona for some reason. They gather at his knees, forming a weird fluffy fortress around him. He growls and tries to shoo them off (their horns are too Malleus-like for his liking), but they keep bleating and bothering him throughout the day. A goat comes to his rescue from the crimson flowers/fire lotuses, just like the legends of foretold—
His strong magic won't do him any good when the flowers reveal themselves. It's a good thing he's got physical strength and flight abilities too, he'll distract the flowers while the others go on ahead! (He'll insist the others will only "weigh him down" to save his pride.)
At the ball, Leona isn't one to mingle. He stands off to the sides, in the shade of the pillars, watching the others dance while he mulls over his power, Rollo's power, that burden of powerful magic they must bear, the scars left from their pasts. "Hmph, how useless," Leona thinks. Struggling against a fate set in stone... He knows that story all too well, and where that story will end: in ruin.
Floyd
Does and says what he wants when he wants, not caring how much Rollo is glaring at him. “Mm? You got a problem with me? Stop hiding behind your handkerchief and say it to my face then.” Floyd’s had too much experience with Jade and Azul’s two-facedness to be patient with Rollo’s bullshit.
Bored with all the historical info being dumped on him (his interest actually flits in and out at very inconvenient times). He sometimes glances away, changes the topic, or runs up to stalls and touches things. Basically, annoying Rollo the entire time.
Buys a bunch of random stuff, whatever catches his interest. Floyd loves the handkerchiefs and their prank potential (he'll startle Azul with them!), and the glass mobiles remind him of all the treasures he collects from shipwrecks back home.
He also gets a bunch of snacks to chomp on as he walks along and peeks at the vendors' wares. Floyd scarcely picks up after himself though, so that leaves Rollo to grumpily follow and pick up the wrappers.
I'm sure he'll come up with some nickname for Rollo (which will annoy him), but I'm not too familiar with marine life so you'll have to do the imagining for a suitable nickname for me lol. Maybe some kind of a jellyfish (since it would resemble the shape of his hat and has stingers despite how demure it looks).
Floyd is eager to fight the flowers once they sprout up. He's never tried punching plants before, but now is as good of a time to try as any! (He has to have a partner that keeps him under control or can compensate for his recklessness, or else he'll just indiscriminately fire off magic...)
When the conflict is all said and done, Floyd is totally chill with having a blast at the party. Rollo's trauma? Who cares? Now's the time to dance and have fun...! Floyd might even pull Rollo in for a dance during the ball, much to the latter's chagrin.
Ace
Riddle gave him a good, long lecture before Ace is allowed to go off to NBC. He gives a perky enough of a self-introduction, but can't maintain that squeaky clean student facade all the way. (Ace makes it clear among his peers that he's excited about this trip only because he can skip his regular classes and party at the masquerade.)
He's not all too thrilled about Rollo. A lot of his demeanor reminds Ace of Riddle (but if Riddle were much more emotionally repressed). "He's gotta unclench his ass and learn to have some fun for once!" Well, whatever, Ace thinks--all he'll do is just play the part of a good little boy, and as soon as Rollo looks the other way, Ace will let his mischief loose! (Like with Floyd, Rollo feels the need to keep Ace in line.)
When Trein starts giving the verbal pop quizzes, Ace zones out and pays zero attention.
He takes pictures of all the cool stuff he's experiencing to share later with the students not picked to go (ie to rub it in their faces). "Man, you guys are missing out~ Sucks to suck, I guess!"
Ace buys a souvenir but if you ask him who it's for, he'll get defensive and claim it's "definitely not for Deuce."
Ace likes to show off his magic to the townsfolk, though his level isn't that proficient yet. Making little fireworks is easy and gets eyes to light up though, so that's what he provides to liven things up! Rollo scolds him and tells him to "put it away", but Ace only rolls his eyes and hypes up the gathering crowd more.
When you need a verbal smack-down or a call-out, Ace is your guy. He's the first to point out Rollo's hypocrisy, and he does so loud and proud. "Rollo-senpai's a mage too, right? Releasing these flowers on the world means he'll have his magic taken too. Does he really hate himself this much...? Yeah, well, he's about to hate himself a whole lot more once he loses to us!"
When the situation seems dire, it's Ace kicking people into gear. He doesn't encourage them, but rather irritates them so much it grants them the strength to keep fighting just so they can live long enough to get their revenge on Ace.
He calls Rollo out to his face too--there, atop the bell tower, Ace confronts him, throwing accusation after accusation. His pointed words infuriate Rollo, who is still in denial about the true motivations behind his actions. "Admit it," Ace tells him, "you're doing this for yourself. Not for your brother, not for anyone else. It's just you projecting to stomp out your own guilt."
Being a first-year student, his magic is clumsy. Rollo easily overpowers him--but it's okay! Ace doesn't fight will the full force of his magic, instead relying on simple diversions with light, sound, and sleights of hand to distract Rollo.
It's Ace who suggests hiding the truth of Rollo's actions when they've defeated him. "How else is he gonna learn? He should reflect on his actions by himself, cuz 'sorry' alone isn't gonna cut it."
Ace wants that masquerade party to go on, to which Rollo reluctantly obliges. (According to Ace, "Losers don't get the right to say no to the winner's demands!") Thanks to him, the party's on, and he's going to enjoy every last second of it.
Ortho
... Couldn't Ortho just lifehack the situation and save everyone the struggle of trekking up the bell tower by just flying up there and sniping Rollo with a laser beam????? I guess let's just say that the fire lotuses/crimson lotuses drained the technomantic energy he runs on and thus limits his capabilities. Either that, or maybe the Masquerade Gear he changed into isn't equipped with strong combat functions.
Idia begs Ortho not to go and socialize because "it'll turn you into a normie", but Ortho's so eager to go to this symposium! It's a great chance to exchange knowledge with fellow mages. He promises his big bro he'll be extra careful and will record all the cool new sights so Idia can vicariously experience them through him.
Rollo's confused as to what Ortho is--he's certainly not living, is he? There's a part of Rollo that is disgusted and appalled at the inorganic nature of Ortho. He's an artificial being, an affront to nature, proof of humans playing god.
Even so, there is an odd atmosphere around Rollo, a hesitant curiosity. He's oftentimes spotted eyeing Ortho or extending a helpful hand to him in particular, though he winces at the child's touch, as if Ortho is diseased.
He nabs some of those intricately detailed wood carvings for his brother. Rollo asks him why those caught his attention, and when Ortho mentions Idia, Rollo's eyes darken with quiet understanding.
As promised, Ortho goes around filming everything. It's so different than looking up facts about the City of Flowers online! Ortho senses Rollo following at a distance--almost like a guardian, trying to make sure he stays out of trouble.
Rollo never thought he would experience guilt--but the moment the flowers come alive with fire, he feels it when he sees Ortho surrounded by the lotuses. The red spilling over his small form... it gives him traumatic flashbacks to the origin of his hatred for magic. But his will is strong, and Rollo pushes down the bile rising in his throat and continues with his plan.
With his magical reserves down, it's hard for Ortho to fly, or to move much at all. He's conserving his strength for the final battle as he drags himself up the stairs. When his peers ask if he wants to rest, he frantically denies it. "We need to hurry," Ortho insists. "We must save Twisted Wonderland, the city... and Rollo Flamme-san himself!!"
He sees a lot of Idia in Rollo, and it's perhaps this perception that drives Ortho so hard to stop Rollo before it's too late. Ortho has lived through grief, has seen how it can twist someone beyond recognition and set them on a path of destruction. Not again. Never again. He won't allow for it.
There's not much "juice" left in Ortho by the time they make it to the top of the bell tower. He knows he can't haphazardly fire a laser beam and call it a day, so he'll instead use fake tears (knowing that Rollo has a soft spot for him). Putting his acting chops to some use, Ortho pretends to sacrifice himself to get Rollo to lower his guard, allowing his two less magically inclined allies to get the jump on him.
After the battle, Ortho still can't help but empathize with Rollo. Unlike Idia, Rollo didn't have people there for him in his time of need. Ortho bashfully offers emotional support and invites him to hang out with him and Idia ("Maybe you and my nii-san can be friends? I can pass along his contact info to you!"). Rollo refuses--but that door is always open for him.
Kalim
I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT KALIM WOULD BE THE HERO OF THIS STORY AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE
His extroversion is Rollo’s kryptonite. Kalim just bombards him with smiles and chatter, it bears Rollo’s patience thin quite rapidly. He basically has his handkerchief out at all times trying to covert his disgusted frown.
Kalim’s super into exploring the town!! He stops by all the stalls to stock up on tons of gifts for his dorm members back home. (Rollo is appalled by his extravagance.)
Big fan of the festivities too; he grabs Rollo and everyone else by the hand, encouraging them to join him in a big group dance. (Think of the town dancing scene from Tangled!!) It’s hard not to grin and clap along to the good vibes he brings!
When all hell breaks loose, Kalim’s still the one to beg everyone else to give Rollo a chance, to hear him out. (They all think he’s INSANE for asking this.)
He’s absolutely heartbroken to learn about the fate of Rollo’s younger brother. As an older brother himself and someone who has been on the receiving end of many assassination attempts, Kalim can’t imagine losing one of his own siblings to Death’s cold grip. Snot dribbling out of his nose, tears streaming his face, he’ll insist that Rollo’s about to make the biggest mistake of his life. They have to stop him.
When Ace, Ortho, and him arrive atop the bell tower, they’re all shocked that Kalim takes the initiative. Still sobbing, he calls out to Rollo, begging him to see reason, letting him know that he understands how he feels. Rollo, of course, doesn’t listen and only becomes increasingly angry.
A unique use of Kalim’s UM! 👀 Oasis Maker summons a ton of water at once and seems to have a large AOE. I wonder if this could confuse or temporarily delay the crimson flowers???? Because the water would technically be magic, right? Except it’s everywhere (and pretty evenly distributed). It could also wash away the magic traces of other mages, so the flowers wouldn’t know which direction to go. Oasis Maker is also a thematic opposite to Rollo’s fire, a perfect visual representation of fiery hate versus purifying, cooling love.
DBHLFADYUVAFP9A9 KALIM JUST. TACKLING ROLLO IN A TIGHT HUG AND ROLLO NOT KNOWING HOW TO REACT... IN THE RAIN... DO YOU SEE THE VISION.
Kalim’s also the one to suggest forgiveness and giving Rollo a second chance after his defeat. Ace is super against it and wants to blab about his misdeeds to the world, but Kalim manages to convince him to keep it under wraps through sheer charisma alone.
At the masquerade, Kalim approaches Rollo and offers to be his friend. Though Rollo briskly refuses, Kalim won’t give up! Kalim tells him that he has a friend back home (Jamil) that hates him, so Kalim’s gonna work hard every day to be someone worthy of his friendship. So… he’ll do the same for Rollo too!!
Stage in Playful Land:
Silver
Silver's probably one of those people who hears about Playful Land and comes along to help protect his liege and peers.
Somehow dense enough to think that Fellow and Gidel AREN'T suspicious (when they clearly are????). He just kind of tilts his head to one side and smiles, saying that these two seem really friendly.
At first he thinks the park is a little odd because there aren’t any wild animals—not even birds—there. But he soon forgets his worries and is caught up in the magic of the amusement park. Silver thinks of it like an extensive obstacle course for his training! He’s especially interested in tests of strength (he and Sebek got competitive about some of those games).
Thinks the park's mascots are cute. Picks up a souvenir that features them (maybe a keychain or plush toy) for Lilia and Malleus.
Not much for performing. Silver's facial expressions are stiff and he can come off as scary without meaning to--but on that stage, he comes alive and all his muscles move in perfect unison to execute a dance. How invigorating...!
Gets puppet’d for falling asleep in an area he shouldn't be loitering in? Or maybe he leaps in the way to protect someone else. He can’t help it!! Gallantly shouts at the others to run and leave him behind—what a noble sacrifice!
Tries to talk some sense into Fellow. The only one who gives him the benefit of the doubt and sees the good in him.
He commends Fellow for ultimately "making the right decision" and freeing everyone at the end. Tells them he hopes they'll meet again someday, and he's eager to hear about the success of his school.
Epel
Peak of his rebellious kid phase. Decides to sneak out just to stick it to his dorm leader (who nagged him very recently for something). Does not realize Rook followed him all the way to the pier until Rook greets him.
Completely fooled by Fellow's friendliness. Epel's used to this kind of attitude back home in Harveston. Because the community is so small, everyone knows everyone and they're pretty closely knit. He figures Fellow and Gidel are the same way!
Totally hype to take everything in! Makes everything a competition (and unfortunately gets smoked by his peers in most of them). Drowns his sorrows by eating tons of the apple (core) flavored foods offered in the park.
Really put off by the invite on the stage. He's reminded of when Vil voluntold him to perform for VDC/SDC. Tries to weasel out of it, but Fellow won't be having any of that! Epel's suddenly filled with a light heartedness and fond memories of his month-long training with friends. He lets his instincts take over and relives those times on the grand stage!
LHFLIDFPIEIFEQFQEFJA I THINK IT WOULD BE FUNNY YET SUPER STUPID IF EPEL GOT PUPPET'D FOR EXCESSIVE PROFANITY... and he continues to swear after he's been caught by the magic. This is a family friendly PG clean place, Epel 😤
How dumb would it be if Fellow told the caged boys stories about his travels while they waited for the others to be captured and as he's listening to these stories EPEL REALIZES FELLOW AND GIDEL ONCE STOLE CROPS TO EAT FROM HIS FAMILY... Boy starts hooting and hollering all over again.
Joins Deuce in stomping around the park and bashing it up. They're a real pair of delinquents... Maybe pops a squat and asks Deuce to take a "cool pic" of him posed by some rubble.
Tells Fellow that folks might be more willin' to help him and Gidel out if they were more honest with their intentions. Epel's not entirely sure if his words got through to him though...
Ruggie
He heard the word "free" and he was instantly in. Leona-san's been working his tail off lately, a hyena needs a break every once in a while! Who cares how shady the offer is? Free is FREE, isn't it? He'll worry about the details later.
Pals around with Fellow and Gidel, talking about their odd jobs and old bosses. They get along swimmingly (which gives everyone else Bad Vibes).
Ruggie thinks the park is like paradise! All you can eat food? And for free? No work, all play?? Cool! He runs around collecting freebies, stuffing his face, and prowling around at the game booths racking up prizes. He plans to resell all of this stuff at a mark-up once he gets out of the park!
He's not all that eager to get on the stage (if he's gonna sing and dance, you better compensate him for it!). But what's this? Why's he suddenly feel eager to join in? Well, he supposes it seems like fun, so he might as well jam out too.
"Whaaat?! I knew this was too good to be true!" he laments when shit goes down. Ruggie holds out pretty well, but he eventually turns into a puppet cuz his greed got the better of him. Most likely stole a baton or something off of a fallen puppet to use as a makeshift weapon (which violates a park rule about stealing from staff).
Can't even be mad when he's captured and stuck listening to Fellow ramble about money. I mean, yeah, Ruggie doesn't WANT to be a puppet, but he sympathizes with Fellow's poverty and lack of education afforded to him in a "No, no... Let him cook" way.
Listening to Fellow vent reminds Ruggie of how lucky he is that he managed to find a meal ticket and a way out of the slums. He wonders if he'd have ended up like Fellow, had he not met Leona.
Really eager to bust up the park. It's not every day he gets to do this kind of thing!
When it comes time to part ways, Ruggie has a few words for Fellow! He doesn't think that his idea of a school is half bad--but he also tells Fellow to pick a less sketchy employer for his next gig.
Rook
Pulls up to watch out for Epel. He knows just how furious Vil would be if he found out their freshman wasn't getting his beauty sleep, so Rook has come to implore him to return to his chambers!! But--oh la la, he can't help but be intrigued at the idea of exploring uncharted territory, and so Rook comes along to Playful Land.
He keeps a close eye on Fellow while playing the part of an oblivious bystander. Rook does all of the right things: shaking Fellow's hand, chattering about how excited he is. The more Fellow underestimates him, the more taken by surprise he'll be when Rook unleashes the full brunt of his strength against him.
Nickname for Fellow might be "Roi du Renards" (King of Foxes) or maybe "Roi du La Scène" (King of the Stage). For Gidel, maybe "Monsieur Muet" (mute) or some equivalent like Calme (quiet).
I feel like Rook would love seeing the variety of attractions the park has! The stroll along the seaside has him rattling off about the majesty of the ocean deep. He would kill at a lot of the games but is most interested in the thrill rides and the pictures that come out afterwards. Rook marvels at everyone's unique expressions! (He looks pretty normal and is smiling wide in the pics.)
One of the first to hop onto that stage when the offer comes up. Rook has a flair for the dramatics and would love for nothing more than to be one of the performers he adores watching.
Becomes a puppet because he's one of the first to attack the gate or the staff (before everyone figures out that breaking the park rules results in the puppet transformation). What can he say? The huntsman is a man of action! Dramatically begs everyone to flee like how the huntsman in Snow White does.
Weirdly okay with (even excited about???) the cage. Don't ask why.
Laments having to destroy the dear park where they had such fun and made so many happy memories. Gleefully delights in the destruction too though.
Touched by hearing Fellow's hopes and dreams. Rook takes his hands, and, with sparkling eyes, encourages him to continue following them, to never give up!! (He barely seems bothered by the fact that Fellow almost sold them off.)
Riddle
Absolutely refuses to go at first and only shows up at the docks because he had a sneaking suspicion that some students would try to sneak out and defy his orders anyway. Fellow then enchants Riddle with Life is Fun and convinces him to try it out since "you broke curfew and came all this way anyway!"
Points out that Fellow is "a highly suspicious individual".
Riddle didn't have much in way of a traditional childhood; the most entertainment he had was doing crossword puzzles in his home. He's hesitant and wary of all the park's attractions and has to be persuaded to try them out.
He keeps worrying about skipping school, so Fellow has to really stack his spell on Riddle. Eventually he, too, gets lost in the sauce and thinks about how he, Trey, and Chenya would have liked this park as kids... and how he wants to have that childhood he missed out on. When he's caught laughing on the merry-go-round, teacups, or bumper cars, he denies it.
Needs that extra push to hop onto the stage. Riddle's stiff with his movements--he basically only knows how to do formal dances--but he gets the hang of it with some help from Fellow. Soon his troubles melt away and he doesn't recall what he was so worried about before.
Since Riddle closely observes the rules, the only way I can see him getting puppet'd is either the park rules and the Queen of Hearts' rules clash somehow and he cannot decide which to adhere to, OR he breaks a park rule he wasn't aware of. Maybe a hidden rule???
When he's caught, he pops off on an angry rant about how they all deserve this and he KNEW this was a bad idea, what will his mother think, etc. (Fellow has to put ear plugs in.)
Vents his anger by firing off tons of magic and destroying a lot of the park. (Has to be reminded to stop and take breaks or he'll exhaust himself.)
Before parting ways with Fellow, Riddle clears his throat and gives him a thorough lecture on the importance of having a clear conscience. Tries to be nice by wishing him luck on his educational endeavors--after all, Riddle is also someone who values a good education. Fellow scoffs at his advice and tells Riddle he's gotta get more street smart if he wants to survive in "the real world". (That's his tsundere way of saying "thanks for that, kid.")
Deuce
The idiot child who decides to sneak out cuz Ace told him they should. (Ace got caught early and didn't end up meeting them at the rendezvous point.)
A little dense, but his heart is in the right place. Thinks Fellow is a respectable adult that can be trusted because "do you really think people just go around and lie like that?!"
Loses himself pretty quickly in the park. He loves the adrenaline rush of the thrill rides. Competes with Epel to see who can handle the most consecutively without throwing up. Also takes some pictures to send to his mom!
Feels sort of bad for leaving Ace behind so he picks up a Playful Land deck of playing cards as a gift for him.
Even stiffer and more robotic than Riddle when he's ushered on stage. Continues to fumble and trip over himself, but Fellow assures him it's okay as long as he has fun!
Picks a fight with a puppet (he goes delinquent mode) and breaks it. Profusely apologizes to Riddle as he's hauled off.
Gets super into smashing up the park. At one point, he forgoes using magic and starts destroying stuff with a bat or a metal bar he picked up somewhere.
Not very good with parting words, but he manages to wish Fellow and Gidel luck. He sees a lot of himself in them and doesn't want them to stray from their path. Trying to summon the same vibes of the understanding policeman that helped him turn his life around, Deuce lets them know that it's not too late--they can change for the better.
Jamil
Absolutely no way Jamil would have gone had Fellow not cast his UM on him. He entices Jamil with a break from work and the wonder of the stage, preying on his secret desire to stand out and to have his talents noticed. His, not Kalim's. Jamil cannot explain to himself why he goes out that night, his feet carry him there as if acting on their own.
Of course he thinks Fellow is conspicuous. There's no way he isn't. But Jamil doesn't think of him as much of a threat with how simpering and pathetic he acts. What a fool, Jamil thinks, so servile, like a dog. True hater energy. Still, he plays along since Fellow is his ticket into the park and it's best to keep in the manager's good graces.
Jamil's used to lavish trips and amusement parks thanks to having to babysit and follow Kalim around whenever his parents rent entire venues out for him. Nothing surprises him anymore--though he does enjoy the food and tries to pick apart their recipes as he tastes them.
He ends up having to babysit some other students (mainly the first years) anyway. Jamil groans... even at Playful Land, there's no rest for him!!
Lives it up on stage. Forget Kalim, forget Vil--HE'S taking command of the spotlight and he's loving every second of it. Jamil throws his heart into his singing, his dancing. The audience's eyes are all on him, and it all serves to feed his starved ego.
Gets thrown off his game by a bug and accidentally damages park property. Shrieks as the bug crawls all over him and he’s unable to fight back once he’s petrified. (Fellow points and laughs at him as Jamil seethes.) Vows to kill Fellow dead in revenge.
Like Ruggie, Jamil comes from a place of understanding where Fellow and Gidel are coming from… Stuck in some lower social status, forced to suck up and be humble. He just doesn’t sympathize because they’ve cause a significant inconvenience to him. All bets are off now.
Shit talks Fellow for being slimy and underhanded while conveniently ignoring the fact that he, too, is slimy and underhanded.
Surprisingly very into venting through destroying the park. That deranged look of his appears as the man relishes in setting tent ablaze and decimating the local bug population. You feel like he’s five minutes away from an evil villain cackle.
Holds a grudge against Fellow for the bug-induced trauma he went through. Shakes his hand and sees him off, but swears if they cross paths again that he will end him. Has vicious and vengeful thoughts about Fellow's downfall but says good-bye with a neutral expression.
Sebek
(Loudly) insists he is too mature and has better things to worry about than having fun at a park. (He’s secretly very interested in it and gets goaded to attending thanks to being taunted by his fellow freshmen + learning that Silver is trying to protect them; Sebek doesn’t want them to outdo him!)
Constantly gives Fellow lip. It’s a real struggle for Fellow to keep a smile and an upbeat attitude when dealing with Sebek’s brazenness.
Checks in frequently with Malleus to ensure his liege is making the most of his park experience! Every time Sebek wins a game, he looks to Malleus for approval. Whenever he finds an interesting attraction or ride, he’ll excitedly tell Malleus about it. Cherishes the pictures he takes with his prince, keeps them safe for his Malleus shrine when he gets home.
Fanboys for Malleus to go up on stage and “show those pathetic humans what-for!” Sebek is humbled to be able to stand on it beside his young master—he’ll do what he can to support him and make his skill truly shine!
His anger for their actions surpasses any sympathy he might feel for them. A good education is something his grandfather highly values—and he of course would be devastated if he were unable to read and enjoy all of his favorite books. But Sebek isn’t in the business of fraternizing with those who deceive and besmirch his master’s good name! Have at them…!
Probably violates some park noise regulation or simply gets too rough beating down puppets. He bellows that the others better do a damn good job of protecting the young master in his absence! Nearly weeps when Malleus thanks him for his loyalty and service.
Gives Fellow (and the other puppets) an EARFUL. Fellow tells Gidel to slap tape over Sebek’s mouth to get him to shut the hell up. This is only mildly effective.
Applauds Malleus as he rains destruction down upon Playful Land. Competes with Silver to see who can cause more collateral damage.
Gives Fellow and Gidel a second earful before the two depart on their own travels. Sebek says he hopes they’ve learned the error of their ways and will repent! He doesn't believe in them, but at least knows they're annoying enough that they'll keep surviving out there.
Azul
Under ordinary circumstances, Azul would absolutely not consider accepting a free ticket (what if Fellow demands repayment?!) or a deal that seems too good to be true. But something about this Fellow man is agreeable—perhaps scammers call out to scammers. He figures it would be fine to investigate what methods this illusory theme park is employing.
Azul and Fellow have an unsettling air about them as they converse. They're both all smiles, but it feels like there's a dark tension hanging around the two. Even Gidel seems nervous and fidgets as the two older men talk business and entertainment.
This dude has a little writing pad out and is actively taking notes on the things he sees around the park. He's thinking about how these could translate into his own financial ventures. ("Are you seriously working at Playful Land?! What a studious scholar!" Fellow simpers. "But there's no need, really! Put your mind at ease! Kick up your feet! Relax!") Needs more of Fellow's UM to keep pliant.
Also keeps track of the games, foods, attractions, and rides he partakes in. That way, he can whip out his sheet at any time and quote the value he owes back to the park. Azul doesn't want to give back more than he was given!
Humbly says that he couldn't possibly get on the stage--but oh, if you insist! (He was humble bragging, his voice is amazing.) Not much in the way of dancing though, he prefers to stand to preform, as he has insecurities about being clumsy thanks to his childhood experience being bullied for his bulky tentacles.
... Probably gets caught by Fellow and gets his ticket torn up because Azul's not athletic. Resents that Fellow calls him a stuck up and out of shape brat, maybe if he didn't sit on his ass all day he'd be better at practical things; fires back by going, "ACTUALLY, I am quite accomplished, I assure you! I don't just sit around on my laurels and let my minions rake the money rake in, I EARN every thaumark I'm worth!" (Azul's soooo offended OTL)
His mouth still works, even if the rest of his body doesn't. Azul tries all kinds of tactics to try and get Fellow to let him free. Flattery, bargaining, threats, asking if he can speak with his boss, etc.
Fellow seems to have a bone to pick with Azul on account of Azul being a successful guy from a successful family (Azul mentions his successful mom and dad willing to pay for his release). He never got any of that support when he was a kid, and Gidel never will, so Fellow's real bitter about it. He takes it out on Azul by kicking his cage and telling him to "shaddap" already.
Agonizes about being charged for any damages he incurs while tearing up Playful Land. Azul comes up with a contract on the spot and demands that Fellow sign it to free him of any liabilities before he joins in on destroying the park.
Azul begrudgingly wishes Fellow luck in his own endeavors--oh, and if he's ever in need of a small loan of a million thaumarks (with a frightening amount of interest), please feel free to reach out to him! He says it with a smile, but his intentions are far more malevolent.
Fellow laughs it off and says he and Gidel can do fine without a snot-nosed punk's help. As soon as he's out of sight, Azul turns to his classmates and huffs. "Well, I NEVER! Such a rude man could never hope to make it in the world."
Idia
Bro didn't want to go in the first place, he HATES crowded places full of outgoing people. Ortho guilt trips him into it, saying that "Nii-san needs to touch grass!!" Ortho even assures him that he'll come along too. So Idia shows up, but there's no Ortho there... turns out it was a trap to force him to socialize without his little brother's support!
He tries to keep his distance from the rest of the group and sneak back to Ignihyde, but Fellow unfortunately strolls right up to him, wraps a hand on his shoulder, and starts smooth talking. Idia freezes up and wonders if this is what shoujo protags feel like when sleazy guys come up to them on the street and try soliciting them for dates before the male lead (Silver lmao) steps in to help them out.
He feels a little more comfortable around Fellow when he's paired with Gidel. Something about their dynamic reminds Idia of himself and Ortho. At some point, Fellow mentions that though they're not technically related, he thinks of Gidel like his dear family. Idia finds himself nodding along to that sentiment, even smiling a little at that. "... Yeah. Family's family."
Drifts around like a ghost, not wanting to get involved in anything. The others boys have to drag him onto the rides (Idia leaves them practically foaming at the mouth and on the brink of death).
Loves the arcade area. He gets the chance to show off his mad gamer skills and clears the shelves of all their prizes. Excited to have earned some cool merch and to be able to have something to share with Ortho when he gets back.
WANTS TO PERISH ON THE SPOT when he's invited up on stage. Fellow has to drag him there kicking and screaming. zilfbdifbabia Funnily enough, I feel like Idia's panic and gloominess would override Fellow's UM but he gets peer pressured into performing anyway... so he hangs out in the corner like a banshee and half-heartedly mumbles the song lyrics and kicks at the ground to "dance".
When things start taking a turn for the worse, Idia tries to cope with his anxiety by relating their situation to some of the classic horror films he has seen. Maybe he uses some of that knowledge to advise their next moves? “N-Normally I wouldn’t want to stick with you normies, but splitting up’s always the wrong move in the horror movies…”, “Wh-What’s next?! Is Fellow-shi going to chase us down with a chainsaw?!”, etc.
His stupid blue fiery hair always gives them away in the dark 😭 The boys force Idia to hood up to avoid being a beacon.
Probably also gets caught because he’s out of shape and gets his ticket torn up. Rages when he turns into a puppet, saying that no one EVER reads the terms of service, so why punish them for it?! (Azul starts to argue with Idia on this.)
Proceeds to whine about all the games, manga, and anime he won’t be able to finish. Gidel seems curious about what those are, but Fellow keeps him away from Idia.
Fellow hates to admit it, but he feels a little sorry for Idia when he mentions not being able to ever see his little brother again. He pulls up a crate and sits on it, listening to Idia talk about this Ortho kid.
Ironically, it’s Idia that starts to make him reconsider his own conscience—but ultimately, the need for money has Fellow turning away and steeling his heart. He has to look out for number 1, he has to do this for his own little brother.
Is weirdly gleeful about the park’s destruction. Happily firing laser beams off with his little skull device. (It’s like one of his shooter games!) Wishes Ortho was here to participate.
Declares that this is the last straw for him once the ordeal is over. Idia claims he is NEVER stepping foot outside of his room again, terrible things always happen when he does!!
Fellow laughs at him and tells Idia to take life in stride. Closing those doors to opportunity might cost him in the long run! Idia shoots him a glare. “Y-You’re the last person I wanna hear that from!!”
Malleus
So pumped that he actually got invited to go somewhere. Doesn't care how sketchy it is (he can easily decimate any troubles), he's so hype about just the idea of being included in a gathering.
A little oblivious to Fellow’s shadiness. He greets the man cordially and thanks him again for the invite with all the dignity and grace of a royal. Asks many questions of Fellow as well; Malleus wants to know more about the history and the magical construction of the park!
He experiences many of his firsts at Playful Land but has a hard time wrapping his mind around some concepts. Why would you ride a ferris wheel when he can fly up and see the entire park that way? Do humans really get a thrill from getting splashed with water as they descend on roller coasters...? Here, he can summon a pillar of water and drench you right now. Oh, the game is to knock the pyramid of bottles over? He can easily do it with a blast of magic.
Apples are a common food and flavor in the park? Malleus thinks they taste better roasted. Let him demonstrate, he'll use his fire breath to--
For some reason, Malleus is really into the mascot characters of the park. He doesn't think they're cute or anything "normal" like that; he just has this weird respect for them as the "guardians" of Playful Land. They're basically gargoyles in his mind. Gets super invested in this game of pointing out all the "hidden foxes" he spots.
Malleus has attended balls and other formal gatherings before, but he has never been in a show. Everything there shines, and then there's him... a dark, foreboding presence sucking up all the light on the stage. Though he moves with elegance and joins in on the singing, he strikes terror and sends shivers down the audience members' spines. (Fellow quickly ushers him off.)
Explodes when he learns he has been tricked. (Let's uh... assume they're in a wide-open area when his lightning strikes out of anger, because otherwise he'd for sure take down some attractions and would instantly get puppet'd; let's also assume the park's magic is somehow strong enough to resist his own magic.) Malleus is determined to storm right up to Fellow and give him a piece of his mind!!
After Idia and Azul are captured, it's down to only him and the sly fox that started this all--and it's not even a competition. Fellow poses no threat, Malleus takes him down without even batting an eye. I can see Fellow pretending to beg for mercy and grovel, hoping to trick Malleus into lowering his guard so he can spring a last-ditch trap on him, but it doesn't work since Malleus is so OP.
I like to imagine there's a scene where Malleus has Fellow in tears when he realizes the true disparity between this FAIRY PRINCE and him, the haves and the have-nots. And Malleus is about to blast him, but holds off after seeing Fellow being a mess Not out of actual sympathy, but out of a sense of noblesse oblige (a duty that the elite have to help the less fortunate). Fellow's probably really bitter about it too, seeing it as Malleus looking down on him and pitying him.
"Perhaps life has chosen to be unkind to you. However, that does not preclude me from pardoning you." (Sebek shouts something about how Fellow should be grateful for his liege's magnanimity!) "Rise, Honest. You will live to see another day--but be certain that you make that day an honorable one for yourself and your ward, lest you incur the full extent of my wrath."
In a climactic moment, Malleus flies high above Playful Land and lets loose a flurry of magical explosions. It's a magical way to close out the closing of the park. Rides collapsing into rubble, fireworks in the sky. A performance worthy of a standing ovation (if you ignore his classmates screaming as they bolt for the exit before the falling buildings land on them).
While his classmates are clamoring to get back to NRC, Malleus finds himself glancing back at Fellow and Gidel, who are packing it up. He approaches them (Fellow jolts back) and politely wishes them safe travels--a small blessing. "And may all of your dreams come true," Malleus adds (ominously).
It might be interesting to see Malleus question the resource disparity in his own country at the end?? Fellow wasn't able to study and be a mage because he was born in the wrong social standing, so he had to resort to unsavory action to scrape by. This would sort of parallel what we eventually see in book 7 (ie the human invaders taking resources from the fae) and could lend him a unique perspective + give him a lot of things to consider for when he will eventually ascend to his throne. What about his citizens with little or no magic? The destitute? How will he, as king, ensure that his people have what they need to be happy and fulfilled, so that no one ends up like Fellow?
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airbendertendou · 1 year ago
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I'M IN RUINS! ♡ mitsuya takashi
synopsis : maybe he really is just that nice to everyone. | inspired by the cdrama hidden love
song inspo ; going dumb by stray kids, alesso, corsak
cw : baji!reader ; reader has their period, but no pronouns ; baji is referred to as your brother, but looks aren't stated ; more of a college-ish au ; kazutora favortism briefly got the best of me
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if you have a blank blog [no bio, no user, no header or profile pic, nothing reblogged, etc] do not interact with my content. you will be blocked.
It's so unfair, you think. Being so close to him, yet not allowing to linger — it's disheartening. You ache ; suffer and beg and cry, thinking of your brother's friend.
Baji sighs as you frown at him. "Do you really need to go?"
"Why am I not allowed to?" You reply. You'd put on your cutest outfit and your favorite shoes. After hearing Mitsuya was tagging along to this little get together, how could you not? "I'm hungry and you're going to eat."
"You never want to go," your brother argues. You cross your arms and tilt your head, raising your eyebrows to look stern. It's the way your mom looks at him ; the way she gets him to listen. Keisuke clicks his tongue, "whatever. Come on, then."
——♡——
By the time Chifuyu pulls up to the meeting area, your stomach is aching. You shuffle where you stand, sending a meek smile to Draken when he looks your way. Kazutora is distracting your brother, giggling together as you wait for the last guest to arrive.
A rumble hits the wind, covering the chattering of the other guys and numerous shoppers. Lilac hair shines in the light and you hold your breath — he's here.
"Boys," Mitsuya grins as he parks his bike. His eyes slide to you, smile growing gentle, less teasing. “Hey, trouble. Make a last minute decision to come?"
You nod silently, holding your stomach and trying to hide your grimace. Mitsuya tilts his head curiously, but gets taken into a conversation with Draken. You tug on the end of Baji's hair, "I'm going to the bathroom really quick."
A chest is pressed to your back quicker than you can think. A hand — gentle and firm simultaneously — leads you to the left. Mitsuya clears his throat as you scowl at him. "I'll show you where the bathroom is."
You want to cry. You're absolutely mortified at what you discover. Your pee is red — the reason behind your stomach pain is clear. Your favorite bottoms are stained and you're unable to wear them now. Having your period is natural, nothing to be ashamed about.
But, Mitsuya noticed. He shielded your backside so that no one else would see the splash of blood.
Leaning against the stall's wall, you sniffle as tears drip down your nose. You'd texted Draken about your current problem — Keisuke had broken his phone just yesterday. The blond was your only hope at this point ; you hoped he'd read your text soon.
"[Name]," a knock to the bathroom door startles you. "Here. I'll wait for you, okay?"
Humiliation — Mitsuya had taken it upon himself to get you supplies. Taking in a stuttered breath, you fought to make your sobs unknown. You dab your face with toilet paper lightly before opening the door. Quickly, you snatch the bag you see and ignore the one standing in the doorway.
He'd gotten you a new outfit, too. The same color as your previous one, so that no one else would notice what happened. Your tears fell again as you situated yourself.
Once out of the bathroom, you sniff and avoid Mitsuya's gaze. Draken is leaning against the wall across from you, looking over you quickly as you walked to him. You brush your bottoms lightly, head to the floor as you stand in silence.
"No big deal," Draken reassures you. He pats the top of your head with a grin, "let me know if you want to go home, okay?"
Your nod is stopped by an arm wrapping aound your shoulders. Mitsuya squeezes you close to him, trapping you in the smell of his cologne. "S'all good, trouble. Tell us if you feel unwell."
The light catches through a window, shining on Mitsuya like a hidden halo. His eyes light up, his eyelashes curving against his cheek as he smiles. Mitsuya's nose scrunches as laughs at something Draken says. Peeking at you with his peripheral vision, he tilts his head.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re so nice to me.” It's said before you can even think. Because he is nice to you — kind, welcoming and warm. Mitsuya squeezes you a bit closer before letting go of you completely. Chifuyu waves your way excitedly. Your small, "thank you," is covered by the noise of the restaraunt.
——♡——
Mitsuya had left the table not long ago. Keisuke shoves your shoulder, causing you to bump into Kazutora. The dual-haired boy gasps dramatically before shoving into your right shoulder, bumping you back into your brother.
Your giggles are drowned out by the sight of Draken shaking his head. Chifuyu speaks through his own laughter, "where's Mitsuya?"
"Flirting," Draken says with a roll of his eyes. Your smile fades, falling from your face slowly at the words. Draken lets out a loud sigh, "can't take him anywhere."
Baji grumbles into your ear, "I'll say."
Kazutora snorts, covering his mischivious grin with his hand. He lays his head on your shoulder, "oh, whatever shall we do with such a pretty boy?"
Your grin inflates again at Kazutora's casual teasing. You ruffle his hair, scrunching your nose as he scowls playfully at you. "You're a pretty boy, too, you know."
Kazutora's eyes widen, his cheeks pinkening at your words as he sits up straight. Your eyes slide across the table. "So is Chifuyu, honestly." You look to your brother and grimace, "don't know what happened to you."
Baji clicks his tongue before shoving you again. Kazutora catches you in a backwards hug, his forearm settling across your collarbones. "Be nice to [name], Baji!"
"Jus' cause you were called pretty..." your brother grumbles to himself.
The chair across from you is pulled out, a loud screech hitting the area you're in. Mitsuya plops down with a stone-faced expression, his eyes focused solely on you. "Enjoying ourselves, are we?"
"Like you can talk," Draken teases. The tall blond flutters his eyelashes and clasps his hands together. "Oh, it's you! From class! The fashion designer!"
"Can't talk to my classmates now?"
Chifuyu snickers, kicking your foot under the table as he does. You shake your head, sinking your chin below Kazutora's arm to hide your grin. Mitsuya eyes your position idly before tilting his head, "you both look comfy."
Kazutora pulls you closer, "[Name] thinks I'm pretty."
"I said Chifuyu was, too!"
The dual-haired boy hums into your ear. "But, you thought of me first."
"As fun as this is," Draken looks up from his phone. He sighs before pocketing the device. "Mikey is calling for us. Want me to take you home, [name]?"
"I'll do it," Mitsuya interrupts. He lets out a sigh, gaze drifting from you and laying on the table. "I'm going to check on my sisters, anyways."
You're waving to your friends as Mitsuya leans against his bike. You can feel him watching you, but you ignore his eyes to grin gleefully at Kazutora.
"He your recent crush?"
"What?" You blink, turning to face the lilac-haired boy. Mitsuya shrugs, making no move to leave as he gazes at you. "Kazu? He's not my crush, why?"
"But, you do have one," he steps closer to you. "A crush."
Gulping, you move away from him and to the back of the bike. "Maybe."
Mitsuya hums, "your brother know?"
"Why would I tell Keisuke about a crush?" You lean beside him now, frowning to the ground. Kicking at the sidewalk with your foot, you scrunch your nose. "He's horrible at keeping secrets."
He nods and you're hyperaware of the way his arm brushes against yours. It's like he's doing it on purpose — moving closer to you. "I'm not. You can tell me who it is."
"No thanks!"
"Why not?"
You grow silent, even as Mitsuya gets closer. His arm is behind your back at this point, his hand sitting on the seat of his bike. "You don't need to know."
"I want to."
"Do you have a crush on anyone?" As he doesn't answer, you finally look his way. Soft, dreamy eyes are looking at you. His gaze feels heavy ; heated as he stares your way. "Mitsuya?"
He blinks and looks away, "maybe."
"Would you tell me who it is?"
"Well, that's not fair," he leans closer, his lips brush against your ear, "is it, [name]?"
You freeze, eyes widening as Mitsuya tilts his head at you curiously. Staring at the ground, you think about it for a second. You think maybe I should tell him ; maybe it's time. Then your mind flashes back to before — to when Draken said he was flirting.
"Oh, is it someone from your class? The one Ken was talking about?"
Mitsuya doesn't answer — that means yes, you think. Downhearted, you frown and scoot away from him, leaving room to breathe. He doesn't allow that, though, scooting until your arms are pressed together once again.
"It's a friend," Mitsuya speaks up. He leans more to the left, his chin almost resting on your right shoulder. "A close friend."
You gasp dramatically, hoping to interrupt the intense atmosphere. "It's Chifuyu, isn't it? Knew it — he's irresistible."
Mitsuya snorts, rolling his eyes. You smile at the sound, oblivious to the way he gazes at you. He bites his lip, hesitant, but nudges the tip of his shoe against yours anyways. You meet his gaze — his eyes flicker from yours briefly before he smiles tenderly. "I'll tell you who it is. Eventually."
You trust he'll keep his word.
——♡—— idk abt a part two for this one... tbh i like how it ends. if youd like to b tagged / untagged in any tokyo revengers content, let me know! ♡
🍓FOREVER TAGS : @straysugzhpe ♥︎ @star2fishmeg ♥︎
🍓 TOKYOREV TAGLIST : @thatpoindexterpixy
airbendertendou © do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate my content on any platform. if you see my content under any other name than my own, let me know. i only have this tumblr and an ao3 account under the same name.
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alipeeps · 3 months ago
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Hah!! I knew it!! (I'm onto your storytelling tricks now GJM!!)
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Yeeeah you coulda acted a little quicker though Zhuo Yichen... like before Pei Sijing got thrown into a pillar... (although on second thoughts, no, fuck her traitorous ass, as you were Zhuo Yichen, you're good....)
Oh god, the angst of it all...
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If he were to die, the burden would just be passed to someone else. He would be condemning someone else to the pain and self-loathing that he feels.
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Oh dang, the bottle he drinks from all the time is a liquid that helps suppress malicious energy!! He's literally dosing himself all day every day to try and stay in control!!
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Shit, he is visibly shaking with effort, struggle to keep even a smidgen of control, and begging Ying Zhao to kill him before it's too late
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Wait, what's grandpa gonna do? Why's he telling Ying Lei goodbye?!!
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Did he... did he just fucking sacrifice himself to help suppress Zhu Yan?! Did he put his... spirit?... into Zhu Yan to help suppress the malicious qi?
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That might save everyone's lives but jfc that is NOT going to help Zhu Yan's guilt/self-loathing problem!!
Oh GOD the usually carefree and silly Ying Lei outright SOBBING over his grandpa is fucking killing me!
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Good god, his FACE. He looks happy at first... I guess that the blood moon is over and he is in control? But then he looks up and sees... sees the aftermath... of what HE has done...
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My poor fucking boy. He is so tormented. 😭
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He is indeed grandpa
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So they've got a month where the malicious qi won't affect him...
I'm still not sure I understand what it is he's done to himself to get those scars? Was he being literal about lightning strikes? And secluding himself *after* the blood moon... why? To let the malicious qi levels lessen?
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God the visuals of this show!!
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Sure ya do buddy.
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Why are you no match for Li Lun? I thought you were badass demon? Oooh wait up though... the subs on iQiyi said "I'm no match for Li Lun"... but the subs on the my downloaded file say "I can't kill Li Lun". Which is it? Because one is can't as in not able to... and the other might mean can't as in can't bring myself to...
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Oh wait what? It can?
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Oh god Ying Lei's grief has me genuinely crying.
No she hasn't, they're having to take turns at the scenic moping spot and Zhu Yan had it most of the night...
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Yeah you DESERVE to be hated girl cos Zhu Yan didn't have a choice... you did. He was literally being controlled by malicious energy. Regardless of what Chongwu camp used to get you to spy for them, you made the choice to.
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WHO? Who should have almost completed his great mission by now? Cos that did not sound like you were talking about Zhao Yunzhou there...
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I STG if you fuckers pull the rug out from under me by making Xiao Bai be a fucking spy too I will cut a bitch...
Aaaaand the next scene jumps straight to Xiao Bai. Don't you do it. Don't you fucking dare!!
Oooh they've somehow all magically got furry winter clothes now...
Oh dang, my boy's had a mountain god makeover.
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Awww he's leaving the gang to stay there?
Oh god damn don't give the magic travel device to the fucking spy. She'll land you all straight into the middle of Chongwu camp instead of where you want to go...
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Yeeeeeaaaah that ain't all it means mate... 😂
They're all having protracted heartfelt goodbyes... and where is my poor Zhu Yan?
Group hug!! For everybody except the Great Demon Zhu Yan... 😭
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Ugh that was an emotional rollercoaster and I am exhausted.
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beesmygod · 2 months ago
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navel-gazey retrospective: man my pain is like truly almost entirely gone. i had allergy and effexor woes for like 2-3 years and then the last 2 years overlapped with the terrible mysterious joint disease+effexor tapering (AAH!!!! my back is only just starting to feel truly free!!!!!!) so its extremely welcome to only experience like a weird 1-2 pain scale achey hour or two a day at worst. it was so bad. i'm still not 100%, im still so tired all the time, but much, much better than i used to. things are looking up and im slowly getting back in the saddle. it's slower than i want, but it's at least trending upward.
sorry for being completely unhinged for several years. thank you for being patient with me if you could stomach it, because it is only in hindsight that i realize how caustic and vile it could be. i am pretty ashamed of my behavior during this time. knowing this can and will happen again if there's a pain flare/weird med issue is making me hyper-vigilant about my behavior to prevent this from just playing out over and over for the rest of my life, forever. im going to keep doing what im doing now, which i hope is unobtrusive and respectful. i was a miserable jerk and i am sorry i made it everyone else's problem.
sincerely, if it were not for several things i think i would have been completely fucked: medicaid, being able to do comics for a living, and adam. if not for the flexibility of the work i do, i would not be able to have taken all that time off to try to at least inch toward an understanding of what was going on with me and take long periods of time to recover from it. people were endlessly kind with me and the sporadic update schedule that crept up on me in the previous years and i appreciate it. my life was improved by your support directly and it continues to be improved by it. it helped a lot.
but i was only truly able to have that incredibly loose schedule because of adam, who worked his ass off not only at his job, but also by picking up my slack around the house (there was a point where moving dishes from the table to the kitchen became "impossible" ?? and i'd have to wait until morning to do it??), cooking dinner every night, helping with laundry, demonstrated endless patience and respect for me when i spent an extraordinary amount of time sitting on the couch staring at my phone, covered bills when i needed the months off, and really just stepped up and showed up when i know he's exhausted too. thanks adam love you...!
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bbq-potato-chip · 1 year ago
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if Bleach characters had tumblr
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🍰lovergirl Follow
I just think that love and friendship are just so important i think we all should talk about this more
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#{textpost |♥*♡∞:。.。}
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🤬murderpanther Follow
MURDER KILLING I LOVE KILLING SOME ONE ILL KILL ANYONE ILL KILL I LOVE KILLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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🍍the-red-pinapple reblogged frostbunny Follow
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🌸senbonzakurakagiyoshi Follow
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my oc
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🐰frostbunny Follow
OMG THIS ART IS SO GOOD EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS NOW!!!! HE'S THE COOLEST EVERYONE FOLLOW THIS ARTIST NOW!!!!
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#mutual art
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😏supercoolsupermanlordaizen reblogged
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captain-niceguy-deactivatived7581497147687
I'd just like to say that I appreciate all of my squad members and fellow captains. I am truly honored to work with such talented individuals
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🎇hina-mori Follow
Awwww taicho <3 this is so nice
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shinigami748258711-deactivated65782991376
captain aizen is like so totally sweet i wish i could be in his squad
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😏supercoolsupermanlordaizen
suckers
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4️⃣nihilistic-hater Follow
who keeps putting positivity posts on my dash i'm trying to think about how great it would be to be in a void stop it there is only hatred and darkness
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❄️hitsugayathecoolestcaptain reblogged
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😏supercoolsupermanlordaizen
me and my underlings are about to kick yall's asses. be prepared
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❄️hitsugayathecoolestcaptain
AIZEN WHEN CATCH YOU ITS SO OVER
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❄️hitsu-gay-a
"aIzEn WhEn I cAtCh yOu ItS sO oVeR"
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❄️histugayathecoolestcaptain
istg if this is aizen on another account i'm going to kill him extra
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🍓ichi-go-1 reblogged
🏹shinigamihater
anyone else have a terrible dad or is it just me
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#ugh same my dad is terrible
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🍓ichi-go-1 reblogged
🍰lovergirl Follow
yet another great day of eating lots of bread and loving my friends \^w^)/
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4️⃣nihilistic-hater Follow
friendship isn't even real the only things that exist are pain and suffering
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🍓ichi-go-1
what is your like actual problem like chill man shes literally just eating bread calm tf down make your own post
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🙍‍♀️shinigami465871157905 Follow
look i know he's problematic but aizen is kinda fine w/o the glasses fr
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💁‍♂️shinigami648525691 Follow
um...aizen stan anyone? this is super problematic thinking i don't care how hot he is (he's not btw) but you can't just say these kinds of things!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!1!!!!!
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#imagine being an aizen stan in today's world omg 😂 #he's literally a traitor to the state
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🔪kenpachithekiller Follow
IF I DONTKILL SOME ONE RIGHT NOW IM GONNA KILL SOMEONE ANYONE WANNA FIGHT TO THE DEATH HEEEEYYYYY
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👨‍🔬evilscientist Follow
doing unethical experiments
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🏹shinigamihater
OH MY GOD STOP IT??? THEY"RE LITERALLY UNETHICAL STOPPP
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👨‍🔬evilscientist. Follow
heehee doing unethical experiments again
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🏹shinigamihater
STOPPPPPP I'LL KILL YOU
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🍓ichi-go-1
just block em man he's not worth your time
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shinigami6371928103912-deactivated47928039410
wow what a great day i sure hope i dont get killed by a hollow today
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🍓ichi-go-1
murderpanther asked ichi-go-1: FIGHT ME FIGHT ME FIGHT ME FIGHT ME FIGHT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
🍓ichi-go-1 responded💬
NO??? I DON'T WANT TO?? STOP SPAMMING ME THIS IS LIKE THE THIRD TIME YOU SENT ME THIS
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🍰lovergirl reblogged tatsukithechamp Follow
🤜chad-the-man Follow
👍
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# so true like im always saying this #[✧・゚: *✧・゚*I'll always love queue✧・゚ *✧・゚:*] #fav
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lynzishell · 4 months ago
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The Past 💛 Atlas
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I was over an hour late for the gym tonight, spending the better part of the day in bed staring at the ceiling, and occasionally typing out an apology text to Ash that I would immediately delete.
I had hoped that everyone else would be gone by the time I arrived, but Dawn and Phoenix were still lingering by the climbing machines when I walked in, so I tried (and failed) to avoid them by sneaking up the stairs to the treadmills. Dawn caught up with me before I even reached the first step and knew immediately something was wrong. She insisted on waiting around for me so we could walk home together.
I was annoyed at first, wanting to be alone, but by the time we’re throwing on our sweaters and beanies, I’m glad. Afterall, I’m getting nowhere on my own, just spinning myself in circles. Talking to Dawn is one of those things I avoid until I can’t, and then always wish I’d done sooner.  
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“So, what’s wrong?” Dawn asks as soon as we step outside. It’s dark out, making it feel much later than it is, and I can already feel the weight of the season settling in. Winter is always the hardest for me, and Spring is still so far away.
I’m not sure where to start so I just blurt out, “I screwed things up with Asher yesterday.”
“What happened?”
“Apparently, he’s tired of my mixed signals.”
“Have you been giving mixed signals?”
I give her a guilty look as I nod solemnly.
“What haven’t you told me?”
Everything. But it’s too much to get into, and the details aren’t important, and she knows me well enough that I'm sure she can fill in the blanks, so I tell her, “It doesn’t matter,” to which she gives me an annoyed look but let's me continue, “But he got pissed and stormed out. I can’t blame him. I don’t know what my problem is.”
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“Do you want my honest opinion?”
“Please.”
“Have you ever heard the quote, ‘A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it’?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“I get that you’re tired of losing people. And I know that causes you to keep most people at arm’s length. It may feel like you’re protecting yourself, but you’re not. You will continue to lose people if you keep pushing them away.”
“Maybe. But it will hurt less if they leave without getting too close.”
“That’s not true and you know it.”
“Do I?” It feels true.
“Did it hurt when Asher stormed out yesterday?”
Point taken. “Like I was being ripped apart.”
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“So, why are pushing him away? You’re only causing the pain you’re trying to avoid.”
“I don’t want to. Not anymore. But it’s like, I don’t know how not to. I can’t explain it. Just, the idea of taking that step, I feel like it won’t take long for him to see that I’m not who he thinks I am, that he’ll realize I’m not someone he can…” My voice trails off, unable to finish the sentence.
“Love?”
The mere mention of the word causes my chest to tighten. I feel my mind wanting to shrug off the very idea of it. So impossible that I feel silly even considering it.
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“Oh Atlas. It’s not true,” she insists. “That was the kind of shit mom and dad put in our heads. And I get it, I felt like that too for a long time. I just handled it differently. I chased love as if someone else could come in and take that feeling away. But that just made me toxic and clingy and insufferable. It was my own version of pushing people away. And every time they left it felt like proof that I was right, that I wasn’t worth loving. But it wasn’t true, was it?”
“No.”
“It’s not true for you either.”
I understand what she’s saying, and logically I know she’s right, but there’s a part of me deep down that rejects it.
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When I try to continue walking, she stops me, placing a hand over my heart, “I love you, Atlas. And not just because you’re my brother. Because you are caring and kind and gentle and loyal and supportive and I could go on forever. Not only are you worthy of love, but it is impossible not to love you.”
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I don’t know what to say to that. It’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me, and I can tell from the look on her face that she’s sincere. “Thank you.” I reach out and give her the biggest hug I ever have. She’s surprised at first, but hugs me back, squeezing me tight. I don't think either of us realized how much I needed to hear those words. We don't say them often, it doesn't come naturally to either of us, it's usually just implied in the ways we support each other, but maybe we should be saying the words more often. "I love you too."
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“So, what am I supposed to do?” I ask as we step apart and start walking again. 
“Do you want to be with him?”
“Yes.”
“Then go talk to him. And be honest.”
“What if it’s too late?”
“Then I’ll be here for you. But there’s only one way to find out.”
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Prev // Deja vu // Next
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furiousgoldfish · 9 months ago
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I had a conversation the other day, with a person who seemed to have some respect for me, but couldn't understand why I'm still having trauma symptoms, and can't be normal already. I took it as a chance to try and explain my symptoms, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears;  I was told I just needed to tell myself that 'I am a new person now', and forget about the past. The person then explained to me how they weren't always the same person either, and they would sometimes cringe at their behaviour in the past, but then they would be proud of themselves for being smarter and more reasonable today. I couldn't quite explain to them that my situation was not the same.
They gave me various suggestions like 'just don't think about these things anymore', and 'these people are not going to hurt you anymore', which I strongly doubted was true. I tried to explain that I am not purposefully thinking about it; in fact, I was doing everything to avoid it. But with intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, and the symptoms of the dissociative disorder, I had no control over it, the past was at my throat, holding me and unwilling to let go. I could tell that they still believed I was doing it on purpose, holding on and refusing to stop living in the past.
I very rarely get a chance to talk to someone about anything trauma related, so I was originally grateful that anyone was even showing an interest at 'attempting to help me', but later when I thought about the entire thing, I got pissed off.
Firstly it doesn't make any sense for me to be 'normal', in any timeline, regardless of how much time has passed. You can't have a person living first few decades of their life in belief that their life is worthless, in environment where they're getting locked up, beaten, humiliated, tortured, threatened with death, brainwashed to believe they're not human, severely neglected, and without any kind of genuine caretaker or a parent. And then leave it to this person to 'deal with it alone', never getting any help, never even getting reassured that what happened to them was wrong. That is complete abandonment by human society, and I find it sick and twisted that this person should be expected to adhere and integrate into society afterwards, for what? This person will logically feel betrayed, untrusting, bitter, feral and unnacepting the society's standards, especially their standards for victim blaming and ignoring abuse. Society continually fails these people expects them to 'fix themselves' so nobody would feel uncomfortable about it.
Secondly why is it up to me to change as a person? I am not like this because 'I was not a good enough person', I am not the one who needs changing. I am good as I am. It's worse that after being failed in every aspect, I am now being seen as the one in 'the need of change', for not acting normal and being haunted by my past. I am not hurting anybody! I am the only one suffering from this. God forbid my reality leaves someone uncomfortable, I better try to hide it better. Which I actually do unless sometimes is actively asking me about it.
And the last bit of my anger is about making it seem like the actual problem is 'me holding onto the past', and not my life being severely different and harmful in a way that isolates me from other people. I don't have the same formative experiences other people had. I don't remember being cooed at and hugged, I don't have endless experiences of being taught that I'm important, that someone will care and intervene when I'm in pain, that the figures of mother and father are safe, warm, comforting and reliable. That childhoods are a positive and fun part of life. That families work as an environment for children to be raised on. I don't have the experiences that formed all other beliefs that this culture holds, I hold nothing sacred that is sacred to everyone else, I don't believe in the authorities, I don't believe in family, I don't rejoice with holidays, I don't want children, I don't trust religion, I feel contempt towards capitalism, I don't relate or connect to people who are receptive to any of it.
And it turns out I'm right to feel as I do. Because people in this society will actively come to me asking me to 'stop being like that', while never asking any abuser to 'stop being like that'. Victims who make them uncomfortable can be spoken down to, should be told to stop being traumatized, even in private, while the abusers just need to be 'ignored' and 'hopefully they stop doing it'. What a great plan. Surely it will fix everything.
Humane thing to do would be to approach me with awareness that I've been treated like a worthless creature and address it and allow me to act genuine about it. If I'm still feeling betrayed, abandoned and outcast from society, I should be able to express that. I deserve to react with genuine responses rather than this insane preformance art I have to do every single day to make sure nobody else is aware or uncomfortable by my peril.
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xetlynn · 1 year ago
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Twilight- Unknowing- Book Three: Chapter One, Transformation
(Alice x Reader x Jasper)
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[Thirteen] [One] [Two]
I couldn't hold on much longer, the pain was getting more and more excruciating after the blood settled in and we were getting to the point that if I didn't do the transformation now, my body would do it on its own.
Something I don't know if I'm ready for. Originally it was for everyone else, I didn't know if I was going to be dangerous or not.
Now it's because I'm scared of how long it's going to last. I knew I was frustrating everyone.
They needed me to do it. So, since my dad thinks I'm sick with something mysterious, Carlisle told him I need to see a doctor he knows for two weeks in Alaska, so I can finish the transformation. Now here we are.
"[Name] are you sure you don't want me to go?" He questions me, I hum, nodding my head as I pack my bags.
"Dad, it will only worry you even more, think that I'm on a trip at mom's house or something." I told him. Alice and Jasper were in my bedroom with me, helping me since I got too weak to really hold anything.
Jasper takes my bag, putting it over his shoulder. "I just, I feel like I need to be there." He frowns, leaning against my doorway.
"I would like it if you stayed here. I don't want you to see me in a hospital bed. Also, you need to be here to make sure Bella isn't with Edward the whole time." I tease him, knowing how much he dislikes Edward. He's actually pretty cordial with Jasper and Bella compared to him.
My partners didn't leave me out in the woods like he did with my sister. He thinks we had a mutual break up when in reality it was pretty similar with Bella only I'm not a human. I had the choice to leave with them. She did not.
"Don't remind me." He lets out a strong sigh, Alice and Jasper quietly snickers. I smile at them, then back to Charlie.
"And another thing, you used all your pto with work so you wouldn't even be able to get out for two weeks like I am." I add on to the trying to explain why it's best to let me go to Alaska for two weeks by myself to a doctor.
"Okay, okay, I get it. You don't want me to come. I understand. Just please update me." He comes over and hugs me. I feel my bones crack from the hug since I've barely moved and this transition is making me more and more human. Weak, very, very weak.
He lets me go, backing away to look at me. His face was saddened. Probably by the lack of color in my features, my eyes sunken in, and cracked lips. "We should probably get going, Chief Swan." Jasper speaks up, his hand finding the small of my back, Alice smiling politely in agreement at Charlie.
"Right," he backs out of my room, moving out of our way. "Right, I'll see you  in two weeks, [Name]. Thank you guys for taking her, Alice, Jasper." He nods his head at them. "See you." I wave to him.
"Of course, sir." Alice pats his shoulder in passing. "It's no problem." Jasper adds in, leading me out of the door. My dad watches us leave from the window of the house.
I notice in my peripheral vision as Jasper helps me get into his car. Alice sits in the back with me. Jasper is driving and Carlisle is in the passenger seat. Carlisle looks back to me as I lay my head down on Alice's lap.
"You know if this takes longer I think he will push on your boundaries and try to come to the hospital." He tells me, I scrunch my nose. "I know." I close my eyes, feeling the pain start to kick in.
The bumps on the road really bring out more discomfort. I feel Jasper repeatedly trying to take away my pain, it's subtle. He takes away the anger and confusion I have, which helps.
The anger triggers more pain so it really, truly helps when he does it. Even if it's for ten minutes or shorter. I know they're trying to help me be as comfortable as possible before the worst of it.
Originally we were just going to have me do it at their house but we thought about hikers. If they hear my screams and animalistic noises they could call authorities so we're going to Alaska. Thankfully and this shows how rich he is, Carlisle got a private jet so if I do scream he's the one piloting.
No outside people.
"What if I do it accidentally on the plane?" I ask him, now worried. "We'll figure it out." Alice pets my hair back, playing with it as I look up at her. "Just like Alice says, that's not something you have to worry about." Carlisle assures me.
I feel bad now, knowing they have to go through all this trouble just for knowing Bella and I. How much trouble we've brought them. I just wish if I could I would've never brought myself into their lives knowing what I know now.
I would've loved the wolf that originally imprinted on me and NEVER spoke with Alice or Jasper.
The incarnate bullshit would've never happened.
I groan from the pain of Jasper turning the car, now gripping onto Alice's knee. Letting out a huff as we come to a stop. "Are you alright?" He questions me, turning to look at me. We are at the airport now.
"Just certain movements, it hurts." I truthfully say, Alice helps me sit up and we get out of the vehicle. Jasper gives his keys to the valet.
Carlisle takes my bag from Alice and both she and Jasper treat me like a glass doll as they help me up the stairs of the private jet.
"I can do it, you know?" I timidly snap at them, not meaning to but due to my emotions being all over the place and this being my situation it's bound to happen.
It's been happening numerous times and every single time they apologize to me knowing I don't mean to do it to them. "Just be careful." Alice whispers, watching every step I make nervously. Once I get inside the plane I feel my knees want to give out so I take the nearest seat possible. Esme was already inside to greet me.
"Hey, sweetheart." She smiles, giving me a small hug. "Hi, Esme." I weakly hug her back with one arm. She was Carlisle's co-pilot, as if he needed one.
"Alright," Carlisle pretends to struggle with the door, just for the people outside who's watching him. "Let's get this going. We have a 4 and a half hour flight." He informs us, I put a thumbs up. Alice and Jasper acknowledge it before he goes into the cockpit.
The plane ride was smooth, Alice and Jasper pampering me religiously. Giving me blood bags that they hid in cups just in case I needed one in public. Covering me in blankets when I have cold spurts. Then putting ice on my forehead during the heat ones. I feel like a sick dog that the whole family makes sure doesn't die in his last years even though they really need to put him down but they can't give him up just yet.
Luckily I didn't start the transformation, but the pain was like it knew we were getting closer and closer. Tanya met us at the airport with a large car, big enough for me to lay a little bit in while putting my head on someone's lap. She greets me with a smile.
"It's nice to finally meet you." She says with a grin, opening the door for us. Jasper  and Esme climbs into the back so we can be in the middle seats and I have that room to lay down.
"You as well." I mutter through gritted teeth as the pain still was there. "I wish it was under better circumstances." She quietly says as I get into the car, Alice following behind. "Thank you for doing this, Tanya." Carlisle thanks her, she bows her head in response.
"Irina's not too happy but it will be okay." She tells him and then I remember. Irina was the one who was courted by Laurent. Flashes of his death settle in my head and I frown.
"I appreciate it, we'll be out of your hair when it's over." Carlisle then gets in the car, Tanya walking to the drivers side and doing the same thing. I let my head fall to Alice's lap during the fast car ride.
Thankfully the faster the car the less I feel the bumps so it hurts less. I feel Jasper's hand finding mine over the seat and I open my eyes to look at him, his head resting on the seat in front of him, looking down at me. I smile at him, he does it back.
Pulling up to the house was the most painful, the bumps into the driveway. "We have a cottage in the woods, it's even further from the house and nothing for miles." I hear Kate say as we're getting out of the large car.
"Thank you." Carlisle thanks her just like he did with Tanya. I can feel myself getting hot. I stop walking and take a breath. "I can't move." I grunt, holding myself.
Alice comes over to me lightning fast. Jasper was already behind me. Jasper hands Alice the stuff he had in his hands and lifts me up carefully bridal style. The coldness he gives off helps, I immediately lean against his chest trying to breathe it out.
"I can feel it starting." I tiredly mumble to Jasper. I feel him panic. "We need to get to that cottage.Now." He tells everyone, the sisters lead them to the cottage, using the vampire ability to go fast.
Getting to the small cottage Jasper lays me down on the bed that has everything off of it. Which I'm grateful for because I probably would've destroyed it. "Alright [Name] you need to let go now, you need to let it happen." Carlisle instructs me and I squeeze my eyes.
"I'm scared." I cry out, not even wanting to open my eyes. "Lovebug, just get it over with." She whispers to me, moving my hair out of my face as I grip onto the mattress. Sweat trickling down my face. "It's going to hurt." I whine.
"Darling you've been hurting for almost a month now. You can get it over with and never deal with pain again." Jasper jumps in.
I start breathing fast and heavily, getting myself ready and when I do it was like a pain I've never felt before.
Worse than the first time I transformed into a vampire. The burning sensation feels like thousands of people using hot irons on my body at the hottest they could be.
As when I was turning into a vampire it was more of a fire sensation. I try to hold in my screams, muffling it by biting my own hand. "[Name] it's okay to scream." Esme says to me, I try to say something but I can't, it comes out in a loud noise I never thought I could make.
It is ten times louder than any loud noise I've ever heard. I even saw Tanya or one of the sisters, I can't tell with my blurry vision, plugging her ears. After that I wasn't able to hear anything around me.
Not even the own noises I was creating. Not knowing if I was screaming or grunting. Anything. No voices made sense, they were muffled.
"She- I'm- Why!?" I heard Alice's voice. I gripped onto the mattress, on my stomach as I brought my knees to my chest.
The insufferable pain is only getting worse.
(Change of point of view)
"What do we do!?" Alice questions even though she already knows the answer herself. Of course she knows but hearing her girlfriend's screaming  and groaning in pain. And knowing the fact that it could last up to three weeks. "Alice, I think it's best for you to leave the room for right now." Carlisle places a hand on her shoulder, he watches the girl stare at [Name], looking like she wants to do something, ready to kill something to stop her girlfriend's pain.
Jasper was trying to attempt to take her pain, even though that has nothing to do with his ability he wants to try for her. At Least before he was able to take her anger that stunted some of the pain. Now they're both just standing there useless.
Carlisle was the one to give the updates to Charlie. After the third day of updates, Charlie was getting antsy wanting to just hear his daughter's voice. So, of course Carlisle had to make up a believable lie coming as a doctor.
"She's been vocalizing her pain a lot more, causing her to lose her voice. She's going to go into surgery to take out her appendix and tonsils. Those are what have been making her sick but due to the extremity of it and the infection it could put her in a medical coma that will last two weeks. When she wakes up we will call you to come see her. The hospital is not letting any visitors due to an illness going around. We have cousins here and when she's out of the hospital if you'd like or we'll take her straight back home." Carlisle explains to him.
"Just take her home right away please." Charlie pleads, his voice breaking. He doesn't understand what Carlisle is saying but he tries his best and just believes him.
By day seven [Name] was making animalistic noises, growling at some points. Her thrashing got to the point where they had to tie her down so she doesn't hurt herself more than she already has.
They won't hold her for long so every six hours they have to change the ties. "She's transitioning a lot faster than I've seen before, especially for someone who has waited this long to even transform." Carlisle observes her, you can barely tell but there's little changes.
When her eyes open you can see them being a more golden color. When the sun shows, which is rare for Alaska but when it does the shine that vampires normally have, isn't there on [Name].
"She ripped a little bit of the mattress." Alice motions to the bed, kind of tuning out the noises [Name] has been making. "We'll replace it." Carlisle says in a bored tone. Not that he is bored. Just feeling all the emotions they have been these past days has been overwhelming.
Esme walks over to him and holds his hand, knowing he's taking this on himself, already caring for [Name] like another daughter. He technically did die at 23 but his mind is way older. Being over 3 centuries old.
Going into day 12, they're all hoping the transformation is almost done. [Name] has calmed down, finally able to talk but her pain is still unbearable.
Coming in waves just like it did beforehand. Blood doesn't even help make it a little better.
Day 14 is going into the second week. [Name] looks exhausted. Her arms tied up on either side of the bed frame due to going into wolf episodes. Soon enough she's going to shape-shift so they take off the ties. She rubs her wrists, throwing her head back.
"I think the worst of it.. It's over." She huffs, then looks around her, the bed ripped up, the stuff inside of it coming out.
"You just have to turn into a wolf to finish it off." Carlisle tells her. Her eyes widened.
She was never going to use that ability. It was something that her and her lovers talked about. [Name] didn't feel comfortable doing it infront of vampires. Especially Irina.
"We'll take you out further into the woods to do it." Jasper tells her, already sensing her discomfort with the idea.
Esme helps Jasper with getting [Name] out of the bed. Getting her outside was a little difficult, her legs being weak from the transition.
But her senses her stronger than before. Her eyesight heightened along with her hearing and smell. Alice and Carlisle followed after them, the Denali sisters stayed behind but watched them go. "It's a quick transition and right when you're done we have clothes you can change into." Carlisle tells [Name], trying to make it a little easier and better for her to do.
"We'll be right at the cottage when you're done." Alice smiles at her once they get to the place she can transition at. "Leaving the clothes on this tree." Esme places clothes on a fallen tree.
[Name] keeps herself up against a tree. Taking energy from around her to help herself. Something she wasn't able to do before. Feeling herself get stronger she glances down at herself. She feels different, she didn't understand what it was though.
Not wanting to waste time at that, once she hears the cottage door open then close she focuses on transitioning.
At first nothing happened. "Wolves are emotional." She reminds herself. Wolves are emotional... She begins to make herself angry.
The fact that she is what she is right now starts to hit her. Having to be different from not only her sister who is a human, her lovers who are vampires and now her childhood best friend who is a wolf. She's both, stronger than all of them. She didn't want this. She didn't choose this.
She feels the same tingle she's felt before but instead of warmth it's just a tingle.
She sees the steam emit from her body then her clothes begin to rip and her body shifts into a large wolf.
A large, white/tan wolf with bright red/gold eyes. She howls in the sky, letting them know she transitioned.
After a few moments she shifts back into her normal form. Quickly she changes into her clothes. Picking up the ripped ones off the ground and racing back to the cottage.
When she slams the door open she runs straight into Jasper and Alice's arms. "I did it!" She laughs excitedly.
They hold onto her tightly, happy to see her in a semi-normal state and not in pain at all.
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genderqueerdykes · 13 days ago
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Another weird thing about the TME/TMA thing is that the people who push it often believe that any suffering or bigotry we face for being transmasc is by nature lesser. When like I can list on and on the social alienation and violence we face and have faced myself as a transmasc person.
And also it doesn’t fucking matter what intent a bigot has behind their violence, if they’re pointing their violence at me I’m still a victim of that violence! I had a friend almost got attacked while walking down the street cause he’s a trans dude who was wearing drag. Like aw man sorry you got attacked by violent bigots, it seems however your labels don’t match up with that bigots intent. Guess what happened to u doesn’t mean anything!!!! What a weird concept.
i'm sorry you experience it as well. it sucks ass, i'm so tired of people trying to weigh transmasculine oppression vs. transfeminine oppression on a scale to see which one's heavier. like stop that, why are we trying to compare situations to see who has it worse? why are we telling people who are also oppressed that their struggle is "lesser"? what does that accomplish? all it does is hurt the person being downplayed. it doesn't uplift trans women to put other people down. that's not how this works.
i really don't fucking understand this current mindset of "person who has it The Worst gets to talk all the time forever for as long as they want and be as rude as they want and everyone who has it Less Bad has to shut the fuck up and sit with rapt attention and listen and never speak or comment or have an independent thought of their own on what they got lectured on." those people still have problems even if they're ""less"" bad, why do only certain groups of people get to talk about them? everyone in the queer community has problems, it doesn't matter the "severity," they all deserve to be discussed. and yet.
i'm really sorry that happened to your friend, holy shit. that is terrifying. but it happens. you're dead on the money. it doesn't matter what their intent is. they committed an act of violence. it does NOT matter what was going through the attacker's mind. they chose to commit an act of violence. sitting there on your petty ass high horse going "well akshually, i have a transfem friend who got attacked by TWO bigots and it was way worse so be grateful and shut up," isn't helping a goddamn soul. please stop shutting people up when they talk about their pain and trauma.
i don't know how else to tell every other transfem and trans woman on this website that we are not the only trans people who suffer. like i really need every single one of us to step down off the damn horse already and admit that we aren't the only fucking queers that suffer because we're not. we can't keep controlling the narrative like this. that's what we're doing at this stage. we are COMPLETELY controlling the narrative, making it ENTIRELY about us and our suffering and how we have it bad. we DO have it bad. but other people do, too. y'all GOTTA accept that other people suffer. y'all GOTTA accept that trans men are assaulted and killed every single day for being trans men. y'all GOTTA accept that most trans men don't and will never benefit from patriarchy. y'all GOTTA accept that transmascs and trans men have it really, really damn bad too.
i am honestly just so sick of the victim complex already. can we finally discuss how these currently emerging transfeminine and trans woman victim complexes are just out of fucking control at this point. i've wanted to talk about this forever and it's just getting worse right in front of my damn eyes. i've been in transfeminine spaces for a long time, but lately i just don't have a single desire to spend time in them. way too much arguing. way too much hostility. way too much anger directed at the wrong people. yes we are miserable, yes we suffer, yes we are heavily oppressed, yes we ARE very much victims. but so many transfems and trans women make that their entire ass personality and it's gotta stop.
womanhood isn't about being a victim. i don't know if i like the idea of making "woman" and "victim" synonymous. that's not empowering. that's not feminist. if you only see yourself as a victim, that's what you'll be. you will never progress to being a survivor if you keep thinking like that. you can't turn being a victim into a personality. it's a state of being, but it's not an identity. you are relinquishing power when you voluntarily identify as a victim. you are surrendering your control voluntarily if you keep throwing your hands up in the air and giving up like this.
someone else talking about their suffering doesn't diminish ours. someone else talking about their pain is not somehow an attack on you. trans men and transmascs talking is not an attack on you or transfemininity or trans womanhood. trans men existing are not an attack on you! stop with the victim complex already! it's not empowering! not everything is an attack! the world sucks but not everything is an attack on trans women and transfems!!!
i don't fucking care how much it offends you that people other than you suffer, but they're not talking about their suffering to make you feel like yours is lesser.
so why are you doing it to them?
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