#I am in my mid thirties and this is what I now blog about

[dudeinthestacks]

I went to bed, bath, and beyond to see if there was a markdown on KitchenAid appliances (because who doesn’t want a deal on a bowl-lift stand mixer). They’d all been moved from the sales floor and the staff would neither confirm nor deny that they’d been resold back to the manufacturer.

The Pyrex and oxo containers weren’t marked down enough for my liking (but I know they’ll be gone soon).

[victoriansecret]

I need your help.

About a year and a half ago I, rather unexpectedly, contracted shingles. Being in my mid-thirties this was rather surprising, and doubly so due to it happening during a worldwide pandemic for an entirely different disease. I also had no idea what it was and was slow to go to a doctor, and only just got there in time before it reached my eye, which apparently could become extremely dangerous as that might lead it directly to the brain. My doctor outright told me that if it got worse I was to immediately to go the ER. It wiped my body out quite badly and I missed about two months of work. Even when I returned, I was still very low on energy and worn out easily. And then, about six months later, I contracted COVID and it utterly destroyed me. That was about a year ago now, and I have not been the same since. I continue to miss far more work than I have sick time for, and am potentially at risk of losing my job entirely, even though I have successfully applied for official medical leave with my doctor's approval. The point of all this is that I am deeply in debt, and I can barely cover bills and interest fees on my credit cards etc., let alone try to recover. So I am giving in and doing something I have long avoided, and made a ko-fi page. https://ko-fi.com/victoriansecret So that is one way that you can help me, if you are so inclined. And if not, that's fine too. I mostly just hope that I bring anyone who views my blog either some enjoyment or enrichment. But I also need your help in another way: to make me feel less guilty about this, and also just as an exercise to keep me occupied when I'm otherwise infirm, I want to make more original content on this blog. So please, if you have any suggestions or questions, I welcome them wholeheartedly. Feel free to ask about history, or what it's like to work in the museum field/living history, or social issues, or just personal stuff. Or just anything at all, really. And again, whether you get involved in any of this or not, I hope you get something out of my blog. And I hope you're well in general. Thank you.

[nerdieforpedro]

Questions and Confessions

Chapter Two of A Safe Place for Us

Dieter Bravo x Aisha Smith (black plus size AFAB)

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Summary: Aisha is firm on her plans on having a baby by way of a sperm donor. During a FaceTime call, Dieter is honest about what he really thinks.

Warnings: last time we're mentioning sperm donation I swear, pregnancy kink (I dunno where it came from and why it is still here, but yeah), mentions of cum, Dieter rumors

Word Count: about 1.7k

Notes: I dug in hard with the friends to lovers/idiots and love and there's one more trope we'll see next few chapters. 🤭 It starts next one.

Main Masterlist/ Dieter Bravo Masterlist/ AO3 Link

As an Oscar winner, one would think Dieter would know how to fake his way through most situations. 

“I need five shots of tequila to even entertain this conversation Aisha, especially with you calling me while I’m filming.”

“When else am I supposed to tell you? I didn’t want to tell you over FaceTime, but you’ve been avoiding me during this whole process. You said you would come with me. I’ve rescheduled twice already.”

An exasperated Bravo leans back in his rolling chair in front of the desk in his hotel room. He can’t keep avoiding it. He told Aisha he’d go with her, but has had press and such he’s been doing. Really they could have waited but in a very un-Dieter fashion, he jumped at the chance to do them. Much to his agent and manager’s surprise. That way he would have a legitimate reason for not going with his friend to a sperm bank. The more he thought about it, he can’t watch her thumb through binders of other men and pick one to be her baby’s daddy. Can he tell her that? Be honest? His therapist suggested he should be but he’s gotten no indications for Aisha over the years that she’s thought of him as anything other than a friend.

“I was doing some press stuff Ai. It’s not that I didn’t want to.” That was the entire reason, he’s lied again.

“I’m making another appointment and I’m going. I’m in my mid-thirties. I want a kid. And you just said you were filming.”

“Shouldn’t you have the kid with someone though? Like not even just for the making of, just as support for you and the baby?” Maybe he can talk her out of it, but she caught him in his lie.

“I haven’t found anyone good enough for that. That I would even want to be with long term, let alone have a child with. I’m not subjecting myself to shitty relationships anymore Dee. You know that.” He does know that, it’s why he knows in the last two years since that failed engagement, she’s dated but it’s been nothing substantial. Bravo’s proud of Aisha for that. Knowing her worth, but does that mean he wasn’t even a thought? A possibility?

“So am I not good enough? I wasn’t even considered? God I’d thought I’d been doing a hell of a lot better. Being sober and all. I could be a good father Aisha. Better then some asshole in a binder.” There was silence. Why wasn’t she still talking? Fuck…he said that aloud didn’t he? Welp, he can say he’s been honest now. He can’t look at her, she’s likely disgusted. Who thinks about putting a baby in their best friend and tells them like this?

“Dieter what do you mean?”

He says nothing. His hands are covering his face. It’s mortifying. So much more therapy. She got to hate him now.

“Dieter. Explain.” Aisha’s voice is stern. “Look at me please.”

He hangs his head as he places his hands on the desk. It feels cool, he’s not even wearing his robe and he’s burning up. Dieter feels like he’s on fire, he might be re-considering what he’s about to say, but he’s already gone this far. “I…could be your sperm donor.” He finally looks at her. She looks shocked, which is reasonable. Her arms are crossed, also reasonable. “I just don’t think you need to go through all these hoops and money when I’m right here Aisha. Ready and willing. I can give you a baby.”

She doesn’t say anything. Dieter’s scared that he’s lost her. Maybe she’ll tell him never to speak to her again. This was one relationship outside of his career he hadn’t fucked up. Now he had. He can’t come back from this.

“H-How would that work? What does it look like?” Is what he hears her ask. Timid. He hadn’t gotten that far. Now he has to improvise, is it still improv if he’s just honest? “I hadn’t thought of asking you Dee, you’ve never mentioned kids. You’re not less than. I just didn’t think you wanted anything to do with it.” Her assessment isn’t wrong. Dieter did not want anything to do with Aisha being pregnant by a sperm donor. Being pregnant by him? He wants everything to do with that. Too many dreams about rubbing her round belly and then picturing a small burrito wrapped baby on a bed between them. Him smiling because it’s better than all the blow, molly and Kit Kats. Though when able, he would have the kid start eating Kit Kats and he might even share.

“Well I wouldn’t want it to be artificial insemination. We would do it the natural way, though we’d keep track of when you’re ovulating. I could keep my schedule a bit more open or fly you out to me in case I just can’t leave. Then when you do get pregnant,” He left no room for ambiguity, his mission would be to get her pregnant. Dieter finds it best not to dwell on the getting her pregnant part. His eyes haven’t left her face and she hasn’t looked away. Maybe there is a small universe where this is okay. “We’d go to your appointments together and come up with a birth plan. You are going to need to be out of that studio apartment. I know you love it, but you and our kid are going to need more room. Maybe a townhouse or a single family home. I don’t know if you just want to have one or more Aisha. But I’ll be there through all of it. You shouldn’t be doing this alone.” Dieter pauses knowing this is a confession, but it’s gonna all spill out. “We’ll co-parent some smart goofy ass kids Aisha. Maybe they’ll even be into the arts like us. I want to give you that. You deserve the world, but I know you know that. Kit Kat.”

Aisha is crying. It had been difficult to reconcile that she’d be choosing single parenthood. But from incompatible guys she’s been meeting on apps and her traitorous fiance, it seemed like the only option. It’s not like she was blind to Dieter’s charms. They’re only friends, it’s what is best for him. When Dieter starts blurring lines, he gets into trouble. He’s healthy and she doesn’t want to take that from him. She could tell he hated the idea, but much like when she sat him down to watch Grantchester he suffered through it for her. But now he’s talking about an entire life together with her and it seems like he’s thought about it a great deal. Would she be able to just co-parent with him? And not have him to herself? She’s happy he’s willing but she can only accept him with other women now because he’s just her friend. Anything else and she wants him to have only her while he’s suppling the seed and support. He didn’t mention anything about love or a relationship romantically.

“Dieter I…It sounds wonderful but I can’t.”

“Why won’t you let me give it to you Aisha? I just said-“

She holds her hand up to the screen. “I can’t co-parent. I’d want you there. As much as I could have you. I’m selfish and using you like this would be so mean to you and to myself. I can’t. Thank you for offering it to me. Good night Dee.” Aisha says his name softly as she concludes the call. 

Turns out in all his honesty, Bravo forgot to lead with the most important part, the entire reason he painted such a picture of their lives wasn’t just because she wanted this. It’s because he loved her and wanted to share it with her. “I’m such a dumbass.” Lamenting, he calls his driver and offers him a grand to get him to her address. He needs to make it clear. Let her know why and also ask her if that’s what she meant by ‘I’d want you here. As much as I could have you.’

Aisha goes to take a shower and can’t sleep. It’s horrible. The life he mentioned sounds perfect. It’s what she would want, when she got out, she applied lotion to her sepia brown skin, curious when she rubbed her flabby belly what it would look like pregnant. “With Dieter’s kid…oh.” She felt it when he was describing their possible life, he didn’t take his eyes off her. The entire time she felt guilty for her arousal while he was talking, even before when he said he wanted to be her sperm donor. That alone went right to her clit. He’s her friend who’s trying to help her out with something she wants. Dieter’s always been generous with her. She shakes her head and puts on her nightgown and robe, normally she doesn’t wear underwear in the evening when home alone. She grabs some ice cream and plops down on the couch, turning on Dateline. It ends up just noise as her mind wanders back to less than an hour ago. 

Into part two of why this seemingly happy wife murdered her husband and ran away with his mistress, heavy knocks are at her door. “Aisha! Open up! We need to talk! Aisha!” Panicked, she rushes to the door and pulls him inside. Her neighbors like their quiet.

“Dieter you can’t just yell and bang like that?!” Aisha is now yelling and talks a moment to calm herself. “There’s nothing to talk about.” She retakes her place on the couch. Bravo sits next to her.

“There is and it’s the reason why I told you what our lives could be.” He turns off the TV and holds her hands. Aisha looks up at him, he’s making her arousal worse. “The only reason I would think this hard about having a child is because it’s you Aisha. I love you. I wouldn’t want to have a kid with anyone else. And I don’t want you having a baby with a man who isn’t me. I want to be the one to put a baby in you.”

Aisha stands, not letting go of his hands as she makes her way backwards to her bedroom. “Then we’re starting now, Dieter. You’re going to pump me full of cum. I’m ready, get those sweatpants off. I can tell you’re not wearing boxers.” If he’s willing then she’ll see if he can really have sex with her. Given the rumors about Dieter, Aisha has always been curious if they’re well founded or not. 

Now she’ll be able to find out herself if any of them are true.

Names in the binder:

@megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @rosecentaur1916 @westside-rot

@mysterious-moonstruck-musings @schnarfer @yorksgirl @guelyury @readingiskeepingmegoing

@survivingandenduring @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @gwendibleywrites @pascalsanctuary @yorksgirl

Chapter One. Chapter Three

[comp-lady]

Hi there! I’ve been admiring your blog & writing from afar and was wondering if you had any advice or tips on writing unashamedly?

What I mean is, I notice you also write Copia/Terzo or “copiiia” and your authors note in the chapter posts via tumblr are very assertive and to the point.

I would like to post some more Copiia content (as I like Secondo and Copia along with a few other blogs) but I worry about backlash or losing mutuals even though I deliberately state that they aren’t related because I disagree with that portion of the Ghost lore.

Any tips?

Thank you!!

- ✨🐀

Thank you so much!

I would say make sure you tag it as best you can. The popular ones are c1/c2/c3 or Copiiia or Copiia.

Otherwise, not gonna lie, my advice amounts to just. Not giving a fuck. I've been in fandom too long to be concerned about what is, ultimately, an extremely loud and hateful minority of people projecting their obsessions onto other people. Harassing people en masse because they dare to use their imaginations and have a bit of fun. I'm crawling towards my mid-thirties, I've been in fandom since I was roughly 12-14, I can't bring myself to care about the opinions of others. I have actual, important things to be worried about.

I mean these are the same people that would be fine if I wrote Copia as a serial killer, but if I write that he's not related to Terzo or Secondo and they kiss then that's a crime?

I write for myself, and I write for the handful of friends I talk to that are like minded.

I think I've avoided receiving much backlash because I am an active blocker. The moment I see someone dropping hateful rhetoric over fiction I block them. If I lose a mutual in the process? Oh well, that's not the type of person I want to be around. I've been friends with people where I altered what I wrote to appease them, and all that toxicity did is set me back in my writing. It hurt my confidence in my writing. I'm free of that now, and I have no intent to go slide back because some people see the Ghost lore as gospel.

Mutuals and followers and friends who don't agree, but know how to keep scrolling? Know how to be mature about it? Much more valuable than any that throw a fit.

Also the lore? The lore for Ghost has the structural integrity of a jello shot. Toby Foam is out here doing whatever amuses him, not building some grand story, and if anyone doubts that look at aNY interview where the interviewer tries to ask lore questions. Tobias always gives half answers and shrugs them off. The lore is a gimmick to him, a bit fun on the side of what is actually important. Which is the music itself.

When I started Empire I was sure that there wouldn't be a lot of readers. That I would post, maybe gets a handful of hits each time I posted a chapter, maybe the occasional comment. And yet there are plenty of people that read it. Regularly!

If you write the Copiia content there is an audience for it. There are people that will love it.

Also? There area lot of haters that just ship it in secret, because they're more worried about other people's opinions than just enjoying themselves.

This all ran away from me, go forth! Write! Have fun! Those who matter won't care that you're writing copiia. You get worried about what you're writing my askbox is always open!

[phoenixoath]

Seeking friends and blogs to follow!

Hello Tumblr!

I’ve been away for literal years. My old blog, with its access password lost to time, was a shrine to all things fandom and honestly? I’ve missed having an outlet for things like that in my life since Tumblr faded out of view. So here I am, convinced by a long time friend, back again for round three? I think it’s round three, anyway.

I’m going to mostly use this blog for blogging about Baldur’s Gate 3, Critical Role and other Podcasts, and other video games I’m partial to. BG3 has me in a firm chokehold right now though.

I’m honestly looking for people to follow and chat to like old times, so if you’re over 21 and enjoy talking about fic and OCs and how hot Gale is, I’m your man. I also roleplay and write from time to time because apparently in the past few years, (and post divorce!) I’ve happily regressed to being a teen again.

My name is Teddy but you can also call me T or Tee. I use they/them pronouns and prefer neutral or masculine words to describe myself. I’m in my mid thirties, and live in the UK, Scotland to be precise. If you want to follow me then you can do so, or like this post and I’ll follow you instead if I like your vibes and what you post, whatever floats your boat!

[plenilune]

oh my god apparently a bunch of my old x-files posts are going around again. friends these posts are ten years old but like. you know what. I stand by it. hello new followers! thank you for appreciating my deranged self from a decade ago; I am now in my mid thirties and you can see the eggshell developing hairline cracks in some of those old posts because yeah, Fox Mulder transed my gender. (I have no gender and all of them. I am Large Crow. and also a sad man sleeping on a couch.)

anyway I'm still deranged but often about different stuff these days. however I did spend this morning at a body shop reading an academic text titled Angels and Aliens: UFOs and the Mythic Imagination for fun while my partner's car got her annual checkup, so I have not actually changed that much. also I'm knee deep in Better Call Saul right now because Vince Gilligan, man. he had it then and he has it now.

anyway mostly this is a weird cityscapes, tech surreality, found objects, sad detectives, Unreal Diner Beneath The Blue Fog Of A Winter Nighthawk blog these days, but you never know. have fun, say hi if you wanna.

[captain-aralias]

life update

i'm 14-weeks pregnant 🎉

due date: 30th may

bit more info below the cut

i thought about making a lulzy WIP wednesday post (aka, "here is what i'm working on") along these lines a few times, but i didn't want to tag anyone into personal stuff they didn't necessarily want, and also i thought i miscarried almost immediately and that started me down a spiral of anxiety, so now it's not so funny. but anyway - i thought today would be a good day to tell people, since we're out the first trimester.

how:

IVF - worked first time

my partner's egg

donor sperm - man it's weird buying sperm, particularly from america, although i only browsed. i bought from the UK. i do know men i could have asked, but in the end i thought... i dont know anyone well enough i'd want to have a child with them. at all.

happy to answer questions about any of the above, if you're interested. thinking of writing a blog about it in my work persona.

how am i?

fine apart from the anxiety!

my main symptoms have been exhaustion, leading to very little writing, and some nausea but pretty weaksauce compared to some

i've told most people at work, which is a very supportive environment, so all good.

my partner's therapist said (to her) not to make big life decisions so soon after the death of my mum/her dad on the same day about a year ago, but we are both in our mid thirties and at our most financially viable, so - hopefully it's fine.

how is baby?

probably ok! we've seen them on several scans, definitely have two arms, two legs, brain, etc

still haven't managed to do the test that tells you the likiehood of Downs etc, though, as the baby has refused to move into a position where they could get a good measurement. we may know towards the end of december - so that is making me More Anxious, but it's still fine

why am i putting this on the internet?

a few reasons.

firstly - i would've told livejournal. the same thing happened when my mum died - i wanted to tell the online community i'm part of, the same way i've told friends and people from work.

but also - because i've been saying i've been tired and that i'm not writing on here, and i wanted everyone to know... this is why. i'm not sick! i'm just pregnant.

AND ... i don't know what the next six months, and then the next.......... twenty years will be like. i'm hoping to write a few more Carry On things before the baby arrives, assuming the second trimester is less tiring (which seems likely so far), but who knows? and probably less after that. BUT WHO KNOWS.

my partner is also a fandom person. i have nine(ish) months of maternity leave (thanks, britain!) and she'll be around for most of that too, thanks to working from home. so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe i'll be writing a bunch of extremely realistic babyfics or something. probably not, but you never know.

anyway!

that's the news.

it may all still go wrong, obviously. we haven't done all the tests, still six months to go.

i'll update with these same tags, if we lose the baby for whatever reason, and i'll update if we don't!

[melishade]

Attack on Prime Chapter 4 excerpt: The Courtroom Scene

(I’ve tried posting the full chapters of my doc on tumblr before but it was too large, so I’m just posting scenes that I enjoyed writing for certain chapters. Like the fight scene I wrote for chapter 52. I wrote this chapter a pretty long time ago, about 2013/14. But I hope you enjoy. And if you want the full story, the link to it is on my blog.)

"Armin," Mikasa began, "how do you think the other trial will go?"

"I don't know," Armin whispered, "they can't fit Optimus in the courtroom. We may have to go outside."

Armin noticed Mikasa slightly glaring at Levi. "Mikasa, Eren's going to be fine. Just be thankful he's not being handed over to the Military Police.”

Mikasa still glared at Levi.

The doors suddenly opened, causing Armin and Mikasa to look in surprise and confusion. They saw two people from the Military Police, but they also saw someone else.

It was a man in his mid-thirties with light skin. His dark hair almost covered his bright blue eyes. He also had a short beard. He wore a black shirt with a red jacket and fingerless gloves. Armin noticed that there was a symbol on the upper sleeve of the jacket that looked familiar. He also wore a pair of dark blue pants with brown boots.

The man looked over at Armin and Mikasa as he continued walking towards the center. Armin widened his eyes in shock while Mikasa looked in confusion.

'Those eyes, they're the same as,' Armin thought.

"It's Optimus." Armin whispered.

"What?" Mikasa questioned, "Armin that doesn't make any sense."

"I know it doesn't, but neither does the fact that he could change into some kind of weapon," Armin retorted, "It's him, I know it."

Optimus stood before the judge before looking at his surroundings. On his right he saw people who looked at him with worry, fear, and skepticism. He made a guess they were the conservatives.

One his left, he saw Erwin Smith and Levi. He also saw Commander Pixis, Armin, and Mikasa. He glanced back to see Eren kneeling down and chained his face bloody and battered. Eren slightly glared at him before Optimus turned away.

'I have to be careful,' Optimus thought, 'I do not know what happened, but I know that my fate isn't the only thing being decided.'

"Let us begin," the judge said, “I understand that you were first seen in the Battle of Trost. Is that correct?"

"Yes, your honor," Optimus answered.

"Do you understand why you're here?" the judged asked.

"I am aware that I will be handed over to one of the branches in your military." Optimus answered.

"You will be either handed over to either the Survey Corps or the Military Police." The judge explained before looking at each side, "Commander Nile, does your proposal remain the same?"

"Yes," the man known as Nile answered, "Dissection on the Metal Titan would prove beneficial for humanity. He is able to transform his body part, and it may help with the advancement of our weaponry."

"Commander Smith, does your proposal remain the same?" the judge asked Erwin.

"Yes, Zackley," Erwin answered, "We plan to take him to the outer wall and use him to help seal the breach in Wall Maria. That is all."

Optimus kept a blank expression, but he knew the man wasn't done. He knew Erwin was waiting for the right moment to say his other proposals depending on what happened right now.

"Do you have any issues with that?" the judge known as Zackley asked.

"None, your honor," Optimus answered.

"I'm glad you're being cooperative," Zackley said, "Now, as I've said before, you were first seen in the Battle of Trost. It has never been recorded that a kind of titan like you has ever appeared in humanity's history. Would you care to explain who you are?"

"My name is Optimus Prime. I am an autonomous robotic organism from the plant Cybertron. To make things simpler, I am a sentient being from another world." Optimus explained.

That immediately caused whispers to go out through the courtroom. Optimus could hear words of surprise and disbelief.

"Another world?" Eren questioned in shock.

"How is that even possible?" Armin asked.

Levi looked over to see even Erwin in shock.

"Oluo owes me big," Hanji smirked to herself.

Optimus mentally smacked himself in the head. Gaining the humans' trust probably flew straight out of the water for him. But he had to tell them the truth. He had no reason to lie and he also knew little about this world.

"Are you telling me that there is life outside of this world?" Zackley asked.

"Yes, your honor," Optimus answered.

"Zackley," Nile began, "How do we know if he's telling the truth? He was reported to be a Metal Titan, but he is standing before us as a human."

"My actual form is outside the building," Optimus explained, "This is merely a holographic form or a fake imagery if you will. The only reason I am using this form because I do not wish to cause chaos."

"Can you show us?" Zackley asked.

Optimus held out his arm before it began to shift. Everyone looked in shock and horror as the arm changed into a metallic arm.

'I knew it,' Armin thought.

"So cool," Hanji whispered.

"He's a demon!" a man with black robes and a golden necklace accused, "He's a demon who has tricked the divine wall, just like that monster!"

Optimus just gave the man a blank expression as his arm changed back. Judging by his attire, the man was probably part of a religion, but Optimus remembered people that were very connected to their religion. He was pretty sure Miko had a name for them. Oh yeah, religious freak.

"Pastor Nick," Zackley said before turning back to Optimus, "So your race is more advanced than our own?"

"Yes," Optimus answered, "My race has the ability to transform, create, and so on. We have even been able to travel beyond our world."

"But why are you here in our world?" Zackley asked, "If you already have a world of your own?"

"In all honesty, your honor, I did not mean to come here. I had no idea that a world like this existed," Optimus explained.

Optimus was technically telling the truth. He's seen a world full of humans, yes, but he's never heard of this kind of earth where the odds were definitely not in the human's favor.

"How do we know that you will not attack us?" Nile asked, "Or bring more of your race to our world?"

"I do not know where this planet is located, and I cannot contact my comrades. I also have no quarrel, malice, or reason to attack your kind." Optimus answered, "However, if my presence is unwelcome, or if I am handed over to the Military Police, I shall simply leave the wall in peace, and you will never have to see me again."

"And why would you say something like that?" Zackley asked.

"The Military Police want me dead out of their own fear," Optimus explained, "If I am handed over to the Survey Corps, I will aid them since their purpose is to fight for humanity. Either way, my purpose of fighting for humanity will not change."

"Why should we put our trust in you?!" Pastor Nick demanded, "You have already defiled our walls, our gods! What makes you so worthy of-,"

"Your walls are not gods." Optimus calmly retorted.

"What?" Pastor Nick demanded.

Levi quirked an eyebrow in curiosity.

"A God is a being more power than a human or even myself," Optimus explained, "A God is a living being who suppose to be compassionate, kind, and loving his creation. What have your walls, your 'gods', done for you besides keep a barrier between you and those creatures, you call titans? Also, when I first arrived here, I saw a breach in your wall caused by the so-called Colossal and Armored Titan. And I'm going to make a guess that this has probably happened before. Your walls are not invincible, neither are they gods. It is simply a fortress created by your kind. So tell me, Pastor Nick, do you really think your walls are gods?”

Pastor Nick gritted his teeth as he glared at Optimus.

"The guts with this guy," Riko muttered.

Optimus still looked at Pastor Nick. He knew very well what a God was. He was practically chosen by the God of his world to carry the Matrix. He even fought the god of destruction and chaos. And the humans created these walls, so why would they consider them gods? He was going to have to find a way to look into this if he ever got the chance.

Zackley raised an eyebrow as he saw a symbol on Optimus' sleeve.

"What does the symbol on your sleeve represent?" Zackley asked.

Optimus looked to see the Autobot symbol on his sleeve. "It is the symbol of my faction during the war for my home world."

Mutters began to go across the room once again.

"He's a soldier?" Mikasa asked herself.

"It makes sense," Armin told her, remembering how Optimus killed the titans when they first met.

"You are a soldier?" Zackley asked.

"Yes, your honor," Optimus answered, "I was the leader of a group called the Autobots."

"Hm, is Armin Arlert here?" Zackley asked.

"Yes, that's me," Armin answered.

"You were the first soldier to see Optimus during Trost," Zackley began, "Did he ever show odd behavior?"

"No," Armin answered, "Optimus is very intelligent. He managed to stop Eren from hurting Mikasa. Also, his fighting skills are far stronger than any elite soldier I've seen. He's even saved me from getting eaten twice."

"Is that so?" Zackley asked before looking back at Optimus, "Would you care to show us your fighting skills then?"

"I have no problem with that," Optimus answered.

"Wait," Nile began, "Do you really think it's safe to let him do this?"

"I don't see an issue with this," Levi spoke, "It was reported that he killed over a hundred titans, and possibly more. I want to see him in action."

'A hundred?' Eren thought.

"Nile, send three soldiers to fight him," Zackley instructed.

Nile was hesitant, but had to agree. Three soldiers from the Military Police walked towards Optimus and surrounded him while aiming their rifles.

Optimus just narrowed his eyes as he began to analyze them. There were two in front of him and one behind him. They all had eyes full of fear. Their stances were poor. He could even tell that one of the soldier's legs was shaking. They didn't even notice the slightest scuffle of his foot or the movement of his hands.

They were all fueled by their own fear. They were all bark and no bite, but if he showed all of his fighting skill it may cause more fear than necessary. He made a decision: he had to disarm them and knock them off of their feet.

"What's he doing?" Riko asked, "He's just standing there."

"He's analyzing them," Armin realized, "He's trying to find out who to attack first."

The world seemed to go in slow motion as Optimus began to move. Armin widened his eyes as Optimus kicked the rifle out of the hands of the soldier behind him. One of the soldiers in the front was prepared to fire, but Optimus ducked and kicked the soldier off of his feet. Optimus grabbed the rifle out of the soldier's hands before he hit the ground. Optimus then used the hilt of the rifle to knock the weapon from the last soldier. He caught the rifle before aiming both of them at the two soldiers that were still standing.

The whole courtroom was stunned at the sight before them.

"Whoa," Hanji breathed.

Eren looked in pure horror. This titan had more power and more skill than he ever did. He was probably even more skilled than Annie.

"Optimus wasn't even trying," Armin spoke, causing Mikasa to look at him in confusion.

"I could tell," Armin began, "Optimus was holding back by a lot. Also, if Optimus really was trying or not he could've killed Eren without any problem whatsoever.”

However, the next action confused everyone. Optimus just lowered his arms before handing the rifles back to the two soldiers. Optimus then walked over to the soldier on the ground and held out his hand towards him.

The man reached his shaking hand out after what seemed to be an eternity. Optimus took his hand and pulled him up to his feet. He then picked up the rifle that was on the ground and gave it to the soldier.

"Like I have said before, I have no reason to attack your kind," Optimus stated, "however if the human race is being threatened, I will not hesitate to pull the trigger."

"Sir, I have a proposal," Erwin said as he raised his hand, "Since Optimus' origins or capabilities are rather a mystery and that he is also willing to cooperate, he may be willing to tell us about himself and his race.”

"Are you willing to do that Optimus?" Zackley asked.

"I have no problem with sharing any information about my race," Optimus answered, "And depending on the resources here, I may be able to help you create new weapons to fight the titans without dissecting my body, if you are even capable of doing so,"

"Also," Erwin continued, "It was mentioned before that Optimus was able to restrain Eren in his titan form. If Eren was to lose control, Optimus may be able to stop Eren rampaging without killing him."

Eren immediately stiffened at that. That titan was going to watch him? Were they crazy?

"Before I make my decision, why do you want to help the human race so badly?" Zackley asked.

There was silence before Optimus spoke up, "Freedom is the right for all sentient beings."

Everyone widened their eyes in shock.

"I will help the humans win their war against the titans, even if it shall cost me my life. This I vow," Optimus said as he did their salute, "with all my spark."

Zackley was silent for a moment. "I've made my decision."

[anewbrother]

What?

Freemasonry is a group of good men who come together to make good men into better men. As well as collecting conspiracy theories like a white shirt attracts red sauce. They also donate enormous amounts of money to charity, and have an impeccable sense of style. I'm an FtM man in my mid-thirties who is probably finished with the medical parts of my transition, I work in the community (meaning, my full-time job, my colleagues, all of our customers and most of the contractors are all queer), and I dabble in writing and painting and fibrecraft.

For convenience, I and everyone else will be pseudonymous, so get ready to meet Brother Dude, Brother Fellow, Senior Warden Tish and Junior Warden Tosh, Worshipful Brother Ignotus, Master of this Lodge, etc, as I set my left foot forward on the way to joining the Lodge Of Anonymity.

For now, I'm Chap, hopefully soon to be Brother Chap, Entered Apprentice, and eventually many years down the line Brother Chap, Master Mason.

Why?

A little bit of a lot of things. I want to have ritual in my life, which has meaning to other people and isn't just something that I do alone. I like the idea of knowledge being paced out over months and years and decades, rather than binged when the whim takes me, and of being knowledge which is attached to people, where someone teaches me and imparts their own ideas and nuances rather than just reading from a cold book. And related to that, I would love to have some formal moral instruction, to not constantly be poking at my ethical gag reflex alone to work out where the line lies between something that is morally wrong and something that just irks me. I want community, especially with people who aren't immediately similar to me, and paradoxically with people who share more literal landmarks with me - Having more friends who go to the local pubs, walk on the local lanes, shop at the local shops, rather than all my friends being a train ride away. I am hugely enthused by the idea of a place where I CAN NOT talk about politics, and anyone bringing up politics to me will be censured for it. I want to take on a responsibility that isn't life-or-death for my community, but that still feels more grounded in other people than my gym routine. Also, the Masons make better men, and I would love to be a better man.

So where are you now?

I'm not a Mason yet. I had my first meet and chats in November and will have my interview in February, and between November and now me and another few prospective new brothers have been coming down to the Lodge every other week to start to get to know the Brothers. I've been told to expect to be Entered around St George's Day if I pass the interview. But first... The interview, and I must admit I am nervous.

But Why Blog About It?

Because there's a lot of talk online about trans people. A lot of Masons in the States insisting both that no trans man would be able to have the character to become a Mason, and would always be blackballed even if their Grand Lodge technically admits them, and that no trans woman should ever be allowed to stay a Mason, because the simple fact of transitioning is unmasonic conduct.

But, the United Grand Lodge Of England says;

A candidate for admission to Freemasonry under UGLE must be a man. Should a person who has undergone gender reassignment and has become a man apply to become a Freemason then his application must be processed in the same way as for any other male candidate.

A Freemason who after initiation ceases to be a man does not cease to be a Freemason. We expect that Freemasons will act with compassion and sensitivity towards their fellow Freemasons.

We hope that no Freemason would engage in unwanted conduct relating to another Freemason’s actual or perceived gender reassignment or gender transition.

No candidate should be subjected to questions about their gender which could make them feel uncomfortable.

The full text is here, but the gist is: Trans people of all stripes are welcome in the Grand Lodge Of England, and being hostile towards them is unmasonic. https://www.ugle.org.uk/gender-reassignment-policy

There aren't many examples of trans Masons online, and all of the ones that I've seen have been already Master Masons before transition, so I thought I might as well share my experiences as they happen, for good or ill.

Also, if you are trans and a Mason, please drop me a message, I would love to have more Brothers and maybe we can visit each other if I pass the interview and am entered.

[againstthegrainphoto]

…wasn’t going to….but now it’s after 3 am and I can’t sleep….so long winded rant it is.

Today was a really rough day. My moms best fren passed away at the beginning of this month….and today was her memorial. Which in and of itself is sad and difficult. But also she was in her mid 90s, so it wasn’t completely unexpected….ya know? She wasn’t even sick or anything.

But having to go to her memorial was, I guess, triggering for me. It was like attending a church service. Which I haven’t done in like over a decade…..because we are extremely strong atheists on this blog. Religion is poison. And the whole thing made me feel things I didn’t want to feel while grieving for my mom and loss of her bff. Things like anger and the hatred of white saviors. One of the speakers spoke at the room as “all of us here as Christians” and went off about how Christians have such hardships. FIRST OF ALL. Speak for your self. Second of all, could you imagine the amount of good this lady would have done if it weren’t all done in the name of Jesus. Like, what if you just did good things because it’s the correct thing to do?? Not to force feed your bullshit god downs someone’s throat.

So many many many times people would say “she was a wonderful ✨servant✨” “such a great ✨servant✨ of the lord”

…..if anyone refers to me as a fucking servant at my fucking funeral I will literally pop out of that fucking grave and haunt their ass…..

And it was literally every single person in the room. It’s so absolutely demoralizing to me to encounter such large groups of cult worship. They made everyone sing worship songs and pray and stuff. It’s so hard for me to stomach any of that.

And I guess it makes me also feel bad for my mom. She so badly wanted the daughters that have stark white walls in their 5 bedroom suburban house with live laugh love hanging on them while they over cook unseasoned chicken in the kitchen. Married with 4 children while being worship team leaders and Sunday school teachers. I know she looks at her frens grandson and his “perfect” family and wishes that was hers. Not a happily single blue haired anti-religion atheist who hates children….or a multi-colored half shaved head who’s riding out the consequences of alcohol well into her thirties and whose significant other is not of the male gender. I think she’s come to terms with the fact that we will not be reproducing. So at least there’s that.

Another thing that bothers me, is going on about how they could never survive hardships without god. And how god is so great and loving and gave them the strength to work through the loss of a child and husband……I’m just like, no. YOU are the strength. YOU got yourself through that. There is no god here. If god did anything in that scenario, he’s the one who allowed your child to die in your arms. He’s the one who allowed your husband to be lost at sea. Because HE didn’t save them. So don’t start with the bullshit. I can’t stomach it.

And what really just got me, like just to put this in perspective, my mom had the audacity to tell me that I was a god send for being able to take her to this funeral. I’m like…no. I’m not. I chose to spend the entirety of my only two days off for this week entertaining you and having you stay at my house while driving you 9 hours in one day so you could attend your frens funeral. ✨I✨ did that. Because ✨I✨ knew it was the ✨right✨ thing to do, because I couldn’t sit by and have you miss your best frens funeral….and then let my sister pull an all nighter to drive you home after she got off work……only to drive back to Seattle to work her next shift with no sleep. God did not send me. I fucking sent ✨myself✨ and now I’m dealing with the emotional, psychological, and physical consequences of doing that.

And the black void of tumblr is where I’m going to shout about it.

[siriuslythatbitch]

I posted 3,175 times in 2022

That's 2,697 more posts than 2021!

140 posts created (4%)

3,035 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fuckboyregulus

@elder-millennial-trash

@dontbeanassbutt

@zackisontumblr

@classicdaisycalico

I tagged 265 of my posts in 2022

#sirius black - 91 posts

#remus lupin - 90 posts

#wolfstar - 87 posts

#marauders - 58 posts

#thank you for the ask! - 55 posts

#hp marauders - 51 posts

#remus x sirius - 44 posts

#marauders era - 35 posts

#my friends are so talented - 33 posts

#james potter - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 77 characters

#i came out to have a good time and i'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I see it's time for our semi regular 'hey minors could you fucking not' chat. So Miss B is gonna have to school you again apparently.

JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT LIKE SOMETHING DOESNT MAKE IT BAD

Read that, repeat it, internalize it, fucking live it. You do not get to dictate an authors right to write what they want. That is not your prerogative and quite frankly it's disgusting for you to do. You wouldn't pull this shit with a GoT book. You don't care about the fact that there is teenage rape in that and teen pregnancy and incest. But because these authors are 'accessable' you decide to attack them. No that's not gonna work bud.

Fun fact teenagers fuck. I fucked as a teenager and I damn well know my friends did. It's not a secret and I wish to fuck there had been someone to write a queer sex experience when I was growing up. You should be bowing down to these authors for providing you with something we never had at your age instead of trying to shame us into not writing.

Now I know it's hard for you to understand but life doesn't just end when you become a parent or turn 30. We have liked this series our entire lives. You weren't even a twinkle in your parent's eyes when this Fandom started. You do not get to claim it as yours. This is our baby. We nurtured and tended to it until it became what it is today and like fuck are you going to take it from us.

Speaking of being an adult an adult is an adult period. The age doesn't matter. You are 18 congrats you're and adult now. You're 45 or 89 or 19 it doesn't fucking matter. You are an adult. And funny thing, adults fuck other adults. That's how the world works. As long as it is consensual it's none of your concern how "adult" you think they are or aren't.

Honestly for every whiney post I see about an age gap im adding a year to the gap in my next fic between the pairing. Just fucking try me bitches. I am so done with your filtering bullshit. Fight me I promise I'll win.

29 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

#4

Send Up a Signal, I’ll Throw You a Line

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37354114

It was three on a Tuesday and Sirius was near comatose at the counter. They’d had one customer in the shop all day, a fifty-something bloke looking for a Jefferson Starship record. Once found he proceeded to lecture Sirius on classic rock for the better part of an hour. Apparently, the man thought him completely ignorant of any bands at all. Despite the fact that he was wearing an Eagles t-shirt and worked at a bloody record shop. Not that he was surprised. Every man over thirty-five came in to see a man in his mid-twenties and assumed he must know nothing but Green Day and Foo Fighters. At this point, he was used to it, but that didn’t mean it made his exasperation with it all lessen.

“How’s it going down there, Black Dog?” His uncle called down from the upstairs that doubled as the man’s apartment and employee break room. Sirius couldn’t keep from grinning at the familiar nickname. Alphard had been the one to introduce him to classic rock in the first place. When his parents had been too busy to deal with him and his brother they’d come to the record store to spend time with their uncle.

He couldn’t have been more than four when he began grabbing records from the man’s collection upstairs, choosing them by the pretty art at first. The blond man, who he later learned was his uncle’s partner Nicholas, was always all too happy to man the shop for a while as he indulged his nephew’s newfound love for the music of their youth.

Nick had always found the fact that they were all named after constellations fascinating. It was that connection and Sirius’ particular fondness for Led Zeppelin that had dubbed him Black Dog. A name that stuck well through his teens and into adulthood. Black Dog was as much his name as Sirius at this point. It never failed to make him smile.

“I’ve seen legislation passed faster.” He groaned. The other man laughed at his joke. It was well known that their family had a distaste for both his and his Uncle’s career choices. Blacks were known for going into politics or becoming solicitors at the very least. His mother, father, and brother were all involved with it in one way or another. Fortunately, the idea of having a son without a uni degree compelled his parents to pay for it regardless.

Sirius didn’t regret his choice in the slightest. Music had always been his passion, and one his uncle had always indulged. Alphard was peering at him from the stairs. He’d moved just low enough to keep him in his line of sight.

“Nick is whipping up a batch of cinnamon scones now. I’ll bring you a few when they’re done.” In his younger years, his partner had been the pastry chef at multiple Michelin star restaurants. They often benefited from his penchant for baking when bored.

“Life may be worth living,” Sirius responded, completely missing the tinkling of the bell from the front of the shop. His uncle hadn’t. A sly smile crossed his face as he glanced across the room. Eyes flicking back to his nephew he replied.

“Perhaps there’ll be another soon enough.” The man winked, familiar grey eyes shining with mischief before disappearing back upstairs.

“Wha?” He tried to ask, shaking his head at his uncle before turning back to the store.

Sirius wasn’t sure what he might have expected to find when he glanced across the space, but this wasn’t it. A man in a dark brown cardigan had his back to him. His hair hung in sandy brown half curls that looked soft in the warm light. Even from across the store he could tell the man was a virtual giant. Sure, Sirius was shorter than your average bloke, a fact his best friend James loved reminding him of, but this man had to be well over six foot tall. He wanted to get a closer look though. It took him far too long to remember he worked at the bloody store and had every reason to approach the man.

“So… Do you come here often?” Sirius said, mentally berating himself for the cliché pickup line.

“Uh no, actually.” The other man laughed. His head was still downturned, long tan fingers rifling through the albums in the centre rack. The dexterity with which he did so did very unfortunate things to Sirius. Especially since he was at work, in the record shop, where his uncle was currently upstairs and well within earshot. “I had a friend tell me about this place, and I thought I’d check it out.” Finally, the man turned to glance at him. Sirius’ eyes went wide at the sight.

His lips were plush and a deep pink, one corner cocked up in amusement. His nose was almost button and utterly too adorable for Sirius’ good. The silvery band of a scar that ran across it just added to the urge to know this man inside and out. It was his eyes that were the real knockout. They were a shade of dark green, the kind of green that reminded him of warm summers spent in the countryside or his favourite jumper. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw flecks of gold or perhaps amber filtering through them. It was as if they glowed in the light and Sirius was desperate to lean in and examine them closer. Swallowing hard he attempted to cover his instant attraction to this man.

“Is there something I can help you find?” Sirius could tell his voice was a bit strained. Fortunately, the other man didn’t seem to notice, or perhaps he didn’t care. Sure, he had no doubts that he was attractive, but there was no guarantee this guy was into blokes. He prayed to deities he had never been certain existed, that he was though.

“Yeah, actually.” Fuck. He’d been so distracted by the man’s appearance that he hadn’t really registered his voice. It was a smooth baritone that flooded his senses in the way that Alphard’s records had when he was a child.”I was looking for a Steve Miller Band record.” He had the faintest Welsh accent, the vowels leaving his tongue like music. Sirius was reminded of a much fitter Tom Jones.

“Oh, yeah, no, you’re in the completely wrong place for that.” He said, whipping around and making his way deeper into the store. “That’s where we keep all of the newer albums, anything from the naughties onwards.”

“Ah, well that would make sense.” He laughed behind him. The sound sent shivers up his spine, and he was glad he could play it off while walking.

“This is the section you want.” Sirius came to a stop in front of an enormous back wall. There were framed and signed classic rock records hung above a multi-tiered record holder. It ran from the staircase to the wall, wrapping around toward the counter. They truly did have the best collection in all of London, a fact his Uncle, and okay maybe Sirius too, was proud of.

“Woah.” The man’s eyes went huge as he took the setup in. “That’s quite the inventory you have here.”

“This isn’t even all of them.” Sirius laughed, thinking of the storage room where they kept the particularly expensive records. It took Sirius by surprise when the other man smiled at him. Not the half-smirk before, but an actual grin. His abdomen fluttered in a way he decidedly was not letting happen. Instead, he did his actual job “So do you want a specific album, or..?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He could have sworn he’d seen a slight flush to the man’s cheeks, but put that down to wishful thinking. “I was hoping you’d have a copy of “The Joker”.”

“I know we have at least one copy, but my uncle stocked it so we may have to dig for a bit.” Sirius fought a smile at having an excuse to spend more time with the mystery man. “You take that line, and I’ll look through this one.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He put on a jokingly solemn expression that had Sirius laughing despite himself. The other man let out an amused huff but turned toward his stack of records.

Unfortunately, or if he was honest with himself, which he steadfastly attempted never to be, quite fortunately, the two lines of records were quite close together. It was great for someone browsing alone. For two, however, it was close quarters. The cardigan covered arm of the other man brushed lightly against his bare one. At first, he’d assumed it was an accident, but then it happened again, this time staying in contact in some way. He bit his lip trying to keep his focus on the records and not the slide of the other man’s arm against his. Even through the garment, he could feel the radiating body heat and Sirius wanted to roll around in it like the dog his uncles had nicknamed him. This close he could smell the woodsy scent rolling off him. There was a faint hint of books, but the exceptionally old kind his parents had kept in the library of his childhood home. Somehow for once, the reminder didn’t make him want to bolt for the nearest exit. Contrarily, it made him want to press as close as possible, to claim the smell as his own. Christ, maybe he was a dog.

Sirius concentrated on the records instead, flicking past the Sex Pistols, The Smiths, and Stereophonics. At least he was at the st’s.

See the full post

34 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

#3

Wolfstar

Accidentally married

Intimate Artistry  

You spoil me so, Marigoals! I'll make this EXTRA special for you, babby<3

Remus opens up a tattoo parlor in Diagon Alley. He's done some research on basic charming for the designs, but has some he doesn't want to try out on his regular clients just incase. Sirius loves being his tester, which has resulted in quite a few tattoos (That Remus would love to trace with his fingers, tongue, and well anything Sirius would let him really). It's great, but it also means he's running out of room. Remus has come across some odd runes that he is pretty sure are meant to make the tattoo guaranteed not to fade, but he's not positive. Sirius decides he wants a wolf and dog baying at the moon on his hip, which means he has to take off his pants and use towel to try and cover. There's a lot of fumbling trying to keep from touching Sirius' cock, which just so happens to be making itself more obvious with each touch of the needle. (What can I say, he's a masochist and it's Remus afterall.) Both men are panting by the time he finally finishes tracing the last rune in invisible ink, but it doesn't have the effect either thought. A quick burst of pain has him gripping his own hip, working down his bottoms just enough to see the top of the very same tattoo he's just inlaid in Sirius' pale skin. Sirius, who has always been better at runes than Remus looks over the book and realizes the tattoo wasn't bound to his skin permanently but bound them to each other. And well, was that really so bad?

36 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

#2

Innocent Physical Contact and I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On Perciver (Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood)

Ooookay. First time thinking about this ship, but I'm excited so let's go. It's their 5th or 6th year and they've been the only two sharing their dorm just them since their first year, but things have gotten tense. Percy has tried to stay out of the dorm as much as possible and Oliver can't figure out why. He comes back from quidditch practice one day early because there was some issue or another and surprises Percy who had memorized his schedule. Percy has gay panic and makes to leave but Oliver stops him in the doorway with his hand on his chest. He demands that Percy tell him what's going on and after some very intense yelling Percy finally admits that he's pretty sure that he has a crush on him and the sight of him in that Quidditch uniform does things to him. Oliver definitely didn't think about what his uniform might do, but is very pleased with this revelation so takes it as a win and just kisses him. There's delightful frottage, Percy makes him keep the uniform on while he blows him (Because it's hot that's why) and it's just a lovely smutty time.

50 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Okay we're gonna have a fun time today because I am fucking enraged. It's clear that people have no clue what polyamory actually is or how a HEALTHY poly relationship works. I'm not just talking a triad, because outside of fiction those are fairly rare. Since apparently the cishets control the narrative I think it's about time I cleared some shit up. The key to polyamory is communication. THAT DOES NOT MEAN CHEATING AND SAYING IT'S FINE BECAUSE "Hey I'm poly"! There's a certain fic that tries to excuse this behavior and honestly I'm disgusted that it's so fucking glorified. That is NOT polyamory. That is cheating, plain and simple. If you want to write that that's fine, but call a spade a fucking spade. Don't you dare use a healthy and valid relationship choice to excuse your character's bad choices.

As a member of the queer community you should fucking know better. You wouldn't say being Bi or Pan is a reason to allow cheating, and if you would get the fuck out. I am tired of putting up with bi and pan phobia in the queer community. The hets fuck us over enough as it is, why the hell would you add to it?

I am polyamorous. I am in healthy and consenting relationships. I am fucking valid and am not a cheater or greedy or any of the bullshit that you all seem to perpetrate. I am so fucking done with you using my life as an excuse for your shitty writing. Don't pit partners against each other, don't make them keep from working out their normal feelings so it's healthy, and for fuckssake DON'T TRY AND COVER INFIDELITY WITH POLYAMORY!

Have a fan-fucking-tastic day, and think about what you say before you say it next time.

81 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[enchantedmirage]

Therapy Appointment Thoughts

(Doc said I should go start an online blog and journal my thoughts there and I was too afraid to tell her I already had tumblr....)

It was disappointing, she's just mitigating my symptoms than addressing anything. Only had an hour to talk

"It's normal for teenagers to have mood swings"

(Threatens me with going to a psych ward) "Do you know what that is?" (I answer how it keeps the patients /safe/ and monitored)

"Okay let's go over that because you have the misconception that it's pleasant."

UHM???

Well yeah I know that psych wards are an absolutely horrendous place to be, where it's a prison but you have no autonomy at all there now.

"I'm saying this because with your outbursts (that my MOM described, which happened two years ago)— you are a danger to yourself, your family, your friends and classmates."

"You have to learn how to be human."

HELLO???????????

Like there was no mention at all about evaluating how my symptoms could be co-morbidity or that I get depressed because there's an underlying issue that hasn't and still isn't being addressed.

I'm not that upset with her though because of course, this comes with the industry and dealing with personal or deepseated issues like these can suffer in a systematic industry based on "taking care of it".

And also she has a right to deattach herself from her patients as that can also affect her mental health, for someone who appears young as her (like mid to late 20s) she seems to have a lot of experience on her belt, and also really professional about it.

She positively reinforced me when I raised my hand to ask for my turn talk!!

My mom was complaining about her secretary being money hungry www, like how I asked to throw some trash and she said "oh it's outside" but after I bought some confectionary she offered to throw the waste I got.

BUT she seemed nice and I don't want those worries to taint it.

She did witness me pace around the room all anxiously while my mom was left alone to tattle about my former violent self to the therapist.

Like yeah I understand why she said that I'm a danger.

For context when I was 14 I had a breakdown, made a mess of my room and got into a struggle with my mother who I almost stabbed <- I am aware that this is a public space but like, it happened quite a long time ago

But I was thankfully stopped and got to cry it out with my friend over call who suggested I get help (cue my very first attempt at professional help getting thrown in the dumpster because my mom didn't see any improvement ww)

No but like my violent self stemmed from my mother also being violent towards me (she did grow milder as my brothers were born)

(cw: mentions of violence, I'm basically just dumping here because I'm salty that my mom got like thirty minutes to talk to my therapist while I had FIVE— ??@?? Ten if you count the time when my mom was also present with me)

She hit me with coathangers all the time, threatened to use my dad's belt, made me kneel on both peas and then rock salt.

When she caught me on my phone she doesn't remember that she almost threw a laptop at me and would have blamed the damage on my behaviour, threatened to stuff a phone into my mouth and almost was successful with it.

Oh hey! Repressed memories bubbling up, no thank you!

She doesn't remember stuff like calling me a piece of garbage and that I should tattoo it on my forehead so people would know (it was ~sarcasm~) or taking a picture of my knees after I kneeled on the peas/salt and saying how embarassing it would be to post online (oh but she didn't go through with it, did she?)

And those are just the physical things, all the little dismissive and blatantly derogatory comments she said to me just pile up eventually.

But she's changed a lot now, and doesn't do it much anymore.

You know what I take from that? Cycle of abuse, because my grandma did that too to her. It's hard for one person to be able to break from generational abuse after all.

[boujeebardienvythisplease]

ayeeeee ! heyyyy dolls n gents yasssss...

Ok so im baq... baq ... baq, baq blogging again: I had to take some time off n get baq n2 school n blog. Now that I actually know what I am doing with this whole radio college life shit I am like omg no wat! abbreviate that O.M.G... dolls! I am like almost about to be n my mid thirties and this business of mines we have 2 " TURN things around and turn it up 2 get people attention 2 where you guys can buy my soon 2 b products coming soon n the website u cannot get ur eyes off of my products like u just want 2 steal them off the shelves if I have a store that's n the future the long run. And ummmmmmmmmmmmmm. The birthday tradition go 2 a mavs game with my mom n just have fun lol. I dont know ? yet what I wont 2 do on my birthday after graduation I plan on going to the houston and the Mavericks dallas texas basketball game . But look down below when that time comes I will take a picture when I am at the arena by myself n Just wild the fuck out okay. N oh yeah happy birthday mom she something this old like up there with Opera but she getting 2 the point she can just b sickness n2 she die type of stuff n u know the type old people set n there rocking chair looking out the window . N yeah i might have 2 say I have a 12 step confession 2 make : i AM addicted 2 my social media sites I be on 4 this business people r just getting me feedback like good vs. the bad ... vs the " UGLY " so I will be in business another year I mean since 18 people I be like the song by now " It's getting hot n here r was it the other "( NELLY)" SONG ummmmm shhhh lol. I dont know i didnt write the song I do not own the song. I just like the song. Okay..... Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it might b on my throwback playlist off of youtube yassssssssssssssssssssssss n im out .

Bye .

Upcoming DJ/Podcaster/Blogger& Youtuber : Im am gonna b insta famous one day reach my goal of 10k n then let it grow n b known through out the whole texas n make the morning news one day. Like oh u guys stole the words right out of my mouth can I get a discount on cable bill or at a local family dollar store so I can watch u guys every morning at 5am at 12pm and at 4pm so I can stir behind my crush baq when he not looking at the Dallas Mavericks Basketball team n pretend like I got wedding bells ding donging n my head all day.

Lol .

Ok look at what's new n my blogs.

Yassssssssssssssssss the hastag bitchies.

Bye.

Upcoming : Dj/Podcaster/Blogger/Youtuber & Cartoonist/ Animator I am blog host, your host " Tha _ Bardi Oh with the $ . N I use that to make my community feel happy like they belong . I dont wont to end up somewhere n someone says if I ever end up on the news that I never serve the community ... Will bitchies here your cup of tea on informational stuff that needs to be put out there for you to take an advantage of n use it your full advantage I say fight and be brave n encourage to yourself 2 live life 2 tha fullest.

Bye okay im gone im still on hold from waiting 4 customer service 2 pick up the phone.

Okay enjoy playlist I know I will.

The playlist is on youtube link coming soon: Will u ready here it is :

---> The youtube playlist link are : YouTube Music ---> THATS COMING SOON.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Licht Regen

In this, the year of our Lord 2022, we have BLEACH and, my goodness is it the glory! I don’t know if it’s a leak or if it’s a preview or whatever, but i was able to catch the first episode of Thousand- Year Blood War and it is EVERYTHING to me. I often wondered what BLEACH would look like with modern techniques, that good-good animation, and i was not disappointed. Studio Pierrot is really pulling out all the stops for this thing. I mean, so far. Literally one episode in so we’ll see how the quality goes from here on about but, goddamn, was that first episode gorgeous. It’s not UFOtable levels of breathtaking but it absolutely puts to shame anything I've ever seen these cats so, outside of proper theatrical production. Seriously, the first Getsuga was so much. I damn near wept.

Look, i love BLEACH. It was my chosen series of the old Jump Big Three. I’ve written at length about it on this blog and i how much i hate Jump for killing the creative drive and distinct passion Kubo had for that world. You can see a stark decline in his art and story telling as the series progressed. I mean, those first two arcs, Substitute Shinigami and Soul Society, are Shonen classics. Those two narratives are better than anything the other two of the big three, have ever printed. Well, i am partial to the Arlong and Cipher 9 arcs in One piece but, i mean, Pirate Goku is an institution. Thong has been in continuous print for almost thirty years. There’s bound to be some solid stories in there somewhere, but i digress. BLEACH was so much of my anime world back in the mid to late Aughts. I was so into what Kubo was doing, I altered my own art style to kind incorporate his take on anatomy, into my already heavily Toriyama influenced technique. Imagine my absolute disappointment when it got the ax and all of the groundwork laid for TYBW was thrown out the window for a quick finish. That sh*t was bogus so this adaption is the end BLEACH should have gotten.

I can’t wait to see all of the the dope sh*t Kubo has in store. I mean, Yamamoto’s Bankai, the Sternritters and their ridiculous abilities, Squad Zero, Kenpaichi’s Bankai, F*cking Yachiru Unohana; Bro, the sh*t is about to be sheer, unbridled, spectacle and i can’t wait! AND that’s just the sh*t he got on paper! As i understand it, this anime adaption is the true ending to BLEACH as a whole. This adaption is Kubo telling the story he wasn’t allowed to tell, because Jump forced it to end prematurely. Bro, what the f*ck else did he have up his sleeve? Will the Witches show up? I mean, Yhwach is a threat to all of Soul Society and Reverse London is just the Western version of that so are there Quincies f*cking that up, too? Will Dragons come into play in some form? Is there just some random sh*t that we didn’t eve get a hint toward that is going to be thrown into this thing? I didn’t even read the novels. I have no idea what the f*ck went on in there so all of that might be on the goddamn table, too! I am so f*cking excited right now and it’s only been ONE episode! God, i hope this sh*t doesn’t suck. I need me some real closure, man.

[smokeybrand]

Licht Regen

In this, the year of our Lord 2022, we have BLEACH and, my goodness is it the glory! I don’t know if it’s a leak or if it’s a preview or whatever, but i was able to catch the first episode of Thousand- Year Blood War and it is EVERYTHING to me. I often wondered what BLEACH would look like with modern techniques, that good-good animation, and i was not disappointed. Studio Pierrot is really pulling out all the stops for this thing. I mean, so far. Literally one episode in so we’ll see how the quality goes from here on about but, goddamn, was that first episode gorgeous. It’s not UFOtable levels of breathtaking but it absolutely puts to shame anything I've ever seen these cats so, outside of proper theatrical production. Seriously, the first Getsuga was so much. I damn near wept.

Look, i love BLEACH. It was my chosen series of the old Jump Big Three. I’ve written at length about it on this blog and i how much i hate Jump for killing the creative drive and distinct passion Kubo had for that world. You can see a stark decline in his art and story telling as the series progressed. I mean, those first two arcs, Substitute Shinigami and Soul Society, are Shonen classics. Those two narratives are better than anything the other two of the big three, have ever printed. Well, i am partial to the Arlong and Cipher 9 arcs in One piece but, i mean, Pirate Goku is an institution. Thong has been in continuous print for almost thirty years. There’s bound to be some solid stories in there somewhere, but i digress. BLEACH was so much of my anime world back in the mid to late Aughts. I was so into what Kubo was doing, I altered my own art style to kind incorporate his take on anatomy, into my already heavily Toriyama influenced technique. Imagine my absolute disappointment when it got the ax and all of the groundwork laid for TYBW was thrown out the window for a quick finish. That sh*t was bogus so this adaption is the end BLEACH should have gotten.

I can’t wait to see all of the the dope sh*t Kubo has in store. I mean, Yamamoto’s Bankai, the Sternritters and their ridiculous abilities, Squad Zero, Kenpaichi’s Bankai, F*cking Yachiru Unohana; Bro, the sh*t is about to be sheer, unbridled, spectacle and i can’t wait! AND that’s just the sh*t he got on paper! As i understand it, this anime adaption is the true ending to BLEACH as a whole. This adaption is Kubo telling the story he wasn’t allowed to tell, because Jump forced it to end prematurely. Bro, what the f*ck else did he have up his sleeve? Will the Witches show up? I mean, Yhwach is a threat to all of Soul Society and Reverse London is just the Western version of that so are there Quincies f*cking that up, too? Will Dragons come into play in some form? Is there just some random sh*t that we didn’t eve get a hint toward that is going to be thrown into this thing? I didn’t even read the novels. I have no idea what the f*ck went on in there so all of that might be on the goddamn table, too! I am so f*cking excited right now and it’s only been ONE episode! God, i hope this sh*t doesn’t suck. I need me some real closure, man.

[jmdbjk]

Rated R for adults:

My anon asks are fixated on who is racking up Instagram interactions and our mens are out here killing us with their sexy. Saddle up people! Chapter 2 is upon us! Get ready to ride! 

I am pretty stoked for this Chapter 2 stuff. Between naked Jimin, Tae, Jungkook and Jin, tattoos, Tae jetting off with other pretty people and partying it up with wild people humping couches in Paris, and now Mr. Sunshine with this dark creepy thing goin’ on...I am on edge waiting for whatever Jimin unleashes on us. 

Some Armys are shocked at what they are seeing at that after party in pictures and video when in my opinion they’re not that big of a deal. Save Tae’s virgin eyeballs! Send out the chastity brigade! 

People think the members have lived this pure life all this time. Have y’all seen that full sleeve of tattoos that Jungkook has? And his piercings? That sort of thing is not something a pure as driven snow South Korean would sport. 

Granted, the fandom is so diverse. Many people from many walks of life are BTS fans. What is mild to me may be extremely pornographic to someone else in another part of the world. Those who live a very sheltered life from all this vulgarity are probably in for more shocking things to come...so to speak.

I know many of you who read my blog think I am joking when I talk about the little hints of bondage fetish we see here and there between Jimin and Jungkook. I’m kinda not joking. Catch those eyebrow raises and those innuendos... “be honest you enjoyed it.” The first time I caught notice of that I had to rewind a few times to make sure I saw what I saw and heard what I heard. Jungkook had to stifle himself here....

However, one of the things that drew me to BTS to begin with was their wholesomeness. I loved that about them. It was so refreshing after seeing naked body after naked body and hearing lyrics about putting my dick in your mouth or my wet-ass pussy or whatever. I mean...where’s the anticipation and titillation if you’re just gonna go straight to the climax? There is no more shock value. WHERE’S THE FOREPLAY IN THAT?

So now, we’ve been told they want to show something more raw, more explicit, as Jimin has stated. Maybe he meant “more straightforward” and not “explicit” as we may interpret it in meaning a full frontal nudity kind of way but I’m game for straightforward too. I like explicit all different ways. This was kinda explicit:

Hobi is revealing this dark aesthetic. The preview pics are interesting, a little unnerving, definitely not the Hobi we’ve come to know up to this point. We will see and hear Friday this new side he wants to show us.

I want to see Mr. Cutie Sexy Lovely come out with something very LUSTY because I know he can pull it off. I want to see all the sides of Jimin, male and female. He’ll have the whole world on their knees panting. If that’s what he wants to do of course. We all know he’s been trying to get naked for us for a long time now.

I want to see more of this Jimin (maybe with less clothing...we can dream right?):

I want the individual members to be able to express anything they want and to any extreme they want. We went from screaming and flailing on the ground when we caught a glimpse of a bare shoulder and now we are seeing bare chests, belly buttons and full naked backs and it’s great because these men are in the prime of their lives and if they want to, they should be able to flaunt everything they have while they have it in tip top shape. 

Perhaps this is the game plan all along. BTS as a group is more wholesome and accessible to a broad audience. The individual members, maybe not so much. But they are in their mid to late twenties and two are about to cross over to thirty. GROWN ASS MEN. 

Oh, I can’t forget pretty JK in his pink and gay Left and Right:

FYI, If you sent me something prior to me posting this that involves Instagram...I deleted it. I’m tired of seeing the words of the erroneously self-righteous and the insecure. If you need attention, please come up with something else more interesting and I will consider it. If you come thinking you are going to prove something, newsflash: I deleted your ask, my time is valuable, use it more wisely. If you just want to talk about Jimin and Jungkook or the other members, I love that, but I’m not gonna re-hash Instagram faux-reality anymore.