#I am going to Suffer
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being american means looking forward to thursday because bucktommy will finally be back on my screen but knowing that first comes the horror that is the presidential election
#i am going to suffer#i just have a bad feeling#at least i’ll have tommy kinard??? right???#bucktommy
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So... about that new Hearts' Game accomplice that uncaps the number of accomplices you can have and scales in power based on that number...
This is likely to be a mistake.
#Fallen london#Hearts' game#That's the all of the accomplices btw the normal cap is 4#i am going to suffer
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Alright, so I saw a bunch of other people doing it and I kinda wanted to do it to
10 notes: redraw ONE drawing (traditional)
20 notes: redraw THREE drawings (also traditional)
30 notes: redraw FIVE drawings (two traditional, three digital)
45 notes: redraw THREE drawings + a drawing of my OC (digital and main)
50 notes: redraw FIVE drawings + a drawing of an OC I haven't used in a while (digital)
70 notes (HOLY SHIT): redraw ONE drawing AND finish a WIP (digital and traditional (DONT DO IT))
85 notes: finish 2 WIPs + drawing of an unused OC (Traditional)
90 notes (WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME 😭😭😭): Finish ALL of my WIPs + FIVE redraws of VERY old art (digital)
At 120 notes I'll put all of my OCs (unused or not) into ONE drawing
Limit of 3 comments and 2 reblogs (yes I am making it unfair, fight me)
God what the hell am I doing
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"I'm going to bed! I will be good and get a reasonable amount of sleep!" I say before proceeding to fall into a time suck pit
#Yadda yadda#I was literally laying down#And was like WAIT THIS IS HOW THE NEXT SCENE SHOULD GO#And vomited out a blocking of that scene#Which#Was hundreds of words#I am going to Suffer#And was it worth it?#We'll see if it's any good in the morning
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I'm not playing Nightingale's run for a long while cause I have other games I wanna play but I literally just remembered that Julia is the first gym and Nightingale is a flying - dragon specialist 💀
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supposed to switch to a new phone today...
RIP my iPhone SE from 2017, you have served me faithfully through my whole MASH hyperfixation 🙃
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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#obsessed with their priorities
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#loki spoilers#it's got your shape to it... i'm sensing owen at work again 😂#banter for DAYS they're so married it's unbelievable#am i distracting myself from pain and suffering by thinking how hilarious it is loki's vocabulary now includes phrases like 'hoof it'??#maybe so maybe so :'))))#btw if anyone wants to theorize about the ep -#i'm going on record as assuming mobius getting hot cocoa on his own is the point where the timeline went wrong ;;;;#dianagifs#owenwilsonedit#marvel#loki s2 spoilers#ouroboros#o.b.#casey
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bar work is a terrible job to do with ME because of the 10-12 hour shifts, short breaks and constant standing. so guess what i'm doing this weekend!!!
#i am going to suffer#the crash was unreal last time i know what itll be like#but nobody else will offer me work so i have to do stupid temp bar shit
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The thing about being religious is you'll talk about your beliefs and/or experiences with non-religious people, and they'll sort of pat you on the head and say, "Yes, what a nice little idea, I'm glad that you have your beliefs to comfort you!" and every time you have to bite your tongue because your religion isn't just a "nice little idea" to you, it's a cosmic truth that underlies all things, and furthermore, although God Himself has comforted you, that doesn't mean that faith itself is comfortable, but if you put any of that into words, they'll look at you funny.
#and even me saying 'God is my comforter' isn't some nice pretty thing either#what i mean ultimately is 'when i am angry and afraid and suffering God is not driven away by my anger or fear or pain'#it's ugly and it's brutal And Yet 'to whom shall i go?'#christianity tag#live from the scriptorium
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Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met
#Homer!Odysseus: you sacrificed your men to save yourself? Detestable coward! How I wish I was never born if it would ensure you had not the#Epic!Odysseus: you’d understand if you *loved your wife.* But I guess a guy who stayed with Circe for a year wouldn’t know that!#H!Odysseus: do not speak of things you know nothing about! I long for my return to sweet Penelope but I have a duty to my men#E!Odysseus: A YEAR. A WHOLE YEAR. I WOULD KILL ANYTHING AND ANYONE TO GET A HOME A YEAR FASTER#H!Odysseus: that was clear when you served Scylla six men like they were cattle!#E!Odysseus: it was them or me! And don’t keep talking about my friends like you did any better. you’ll go home alone too#H!Odysseus: they doomed themselves when they ate Hyperion’s golden cattle. I am not responsible for their suffering. But you could have ens#H!Odysseus: Now Eurylochus’s body lies at the bottom of the sea where there can be no burial and no honour#E!Odysseus: AND I’LL GO HOME TO MY WIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT LOVELY LOYAL WIFE WHO’S BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOR TWENTY YEARS.#E!Odysseus: and when I go home and she asks if I came back as fast as I could I’ll be able to answer honestly#H!Odysseus: WE HAD BEEN THROUGH MANY TRIALS. THE MEN NEEDED TO REST#E!Odysseus: FOR A YEAR???? DID THEY NEED TO REST FOR A YEAR??? AND DID THEY NEED THAT REST RIGHT AFTER A MONTH’S LONG REST WITH AEOLUS??? S#H!Odysseus: IF YOU WISHED FOR ITHACA SO DESPERATELY WHY DIDN’T YOU OBEY PALLAS ATHENA AND KILL THE CYCLOPS#E!Odysseus: *drawing sword* I WAS HAVING A ROUGH DAY#Epic the musical#Epic odysseus#The odyssey#odysseus#Homer#Greek mythology#Jorge rivera-herrans#nuclear war speaks
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part 3 to my modern AU 💞🍺 (part 1 / part 2)
#u just know seb ended up carrying her home in the end anyway BAHHA if u read my fic u already know im weak for bridal carries#fun fact the blurred party backgrounds i used are screenshots from diary of a wimpy kid rodrick rules. aka the pinnacle of cinema#and its only fitting since i base my modern seb very largely on rodrick bc I STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON RODRICK...rodrick heffley my beloved#yall also already know i love guard dog seb (especially combined with drunk clora BAHAH) so ofc i had to do the modern au ver#i just make clora the type of drunk i am... aka drunk after 2 and sometimes even 1 drink and then i get super affectionate with everyone#which would make seb seethe if it were clora BAHAHAH omg i love imagining his suffering😇😍😍#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#clora clemons#also wahhh i can feel my HL brainrot fading a bit...🥲probs bc my fic is now complete... might make a post abt it soon#im not ready to let go😭😤#choccyart
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all i have left
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#yuuji#megumi#hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst#u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much#theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright#had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane#miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly#i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant#but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c#gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion
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mild spoilers for chapter six for my series again &. again, but i really feel the need to ramble about this, and i'd love to hear anybody's opinion on this hehe.
as i write outline chapter six (and write for chapter five), i'd like to say i couldn't wait to write the reader's face reveal in bruce's perspective. and it's not just angst, for me, this plays a very pivotal turn for the series— because bruce will spiral to insanity.
to never once see a single portrait of your second youngest child, whose presence has long been erased from the manor, not a single image, nor trace of you is sickening to the heart, even if he scours through the internet day and night for a single memoir of you, nothing— but to find your portrait in alfred's living quarters and seeing you for the first time in forever? graduating a milestone no less?
god, he's in for a ride just analyzing every aspect of your physical appearance.
the color of your eyes, the shape of your nose, the quip of your mouth, the fat in your cheeks; even the length of your lashes! god, does he brand it into the deepest parts of his mind to never forget you anymore. his pearl, his treasure.
the longer he stares, the more he notices and gazes even more, obsessive as he stands lonesome in the room with every bone in his body locking up, his eyes unable to look away from the portrait that showcases his baby child.
and there, there it is that he concludes a detail so small it's unrecognizable for someone who's seen it for his entire life; yet it's all the same triggered deranged emotions deep within him.
— you don't just share him and your mother's traits, no, your smile is also reminiscent of his mother's.
martha wayne, who'd died in his arms, laying in a pool of her blood with a bullet grazed deep inside her body. his loving mother, who caressed his face whenever he'd cry from his nightmares, who'd shown him motherly love that until now he still craves.
she died with her pearl necklace that once decorated her porcelain neck spilling to the ground and stained with crimson.
you wore pearl earrings on your graduation.
the thought alone is enough for him to just snap.
this? this is the child that he's been neglecting far too long? who shares the same, loving expression of his mother's? his child? not even a single memory could be conjured with you but fantasies now do. if your happiest moments were within the picture frame that he holds with shivering fingers at present; could your smile be any wider if you'd be with him?
how come he never once noticed? why is bruce always destined to fail left and right? why, just why is he brimming with jealousy for all the people who must've seen your smile before him, and contempt for himself that he was never there to pick you up from the police station beforehand?
bruce isn't a heckler for favoritism, but a darker part of him is motivated to take you away from wherever you are, and to never let anybody else witness his beautiful, little treasure.
he's gotham's knight, first and foremost. but he's a father, too, with goals to protect his children just like a father should.
and the things he'd do for you, his child, now? anything.
if it means he has to see that smile, then he'll turn the world upside-down.
he has to protect your smile.
#🧁... yael's misc.#series: again & again#yandere dc#yandere dc comics#yandere batfam#yandere batman#yandere bruce wayne#yandere#platonic yandere#male yandere#yandere x male reader#yandere x you#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere x gn reader#soft yandere#ngl my stuff has felt like it's been flopping lately#that i've been getting demotivated again#i love writing but i sometimes just can't!!! am i even doing good enough#i feel like such a failure every time i write something and it doesn't go in the direction i want it to#like i want to write but i might just end up being in another hiatus the longer i suffer through imposter syndrome#ignore this short rant i love angst GRAHH !! 🔥🔥🔥
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finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using
#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for?#open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer)#maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel#once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs#i respected their commitment to the theme#but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities#dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton#ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered#i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it#aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment#honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet#letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already.#really i've put off my responsibilities long enough#(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings)#(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time)#(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.)#(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)
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"Draw me like one of your French girls"
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#elf senshi#Pls check out the comments y'all! lol#Just realised he looks so much paler lol I thought I took the colours from a screenshot-#Anyway he's a beautiful man#I am so going to suffer from dunmeshi withdrawal next week
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