#I am going insane for this fic

[luckyloser555]

Lan Xichen in a collar, slightly suggestive implied (but nothing sus is happening, so I won’t hide it under a cut, but warn you here!)

Inspired by this fic!

[givemeureyes]

day 1 without ao3: i have gone through all 5 stages of grief multiple times and have invented a 6th. i will not disclose what the 6th stage of grief is.

[silvertherogue715]

Yippie more O' Medusa drawings!!

Probably one of my last big batches for a while :')

@naffeclipse, happy early birthday and i hope you enjoy your blorbos!

Previous art of these two: First - Second - Third - Bad end

EDIT: absolutely kicking my feet and giggling over every single comment/tag you guys leave THEY'RE SO SWEET THANK YOU SO MUCH

[theminecraftbee]

The problem, Grian thinks as he forelornly fills out paperwork, is that the Higher Ups have gone with a punishment that any reasonable person would find excessive and terrifying.

A rookie mistake. It doesn't help that they'd decided Cub would be the middle manager in charge of Hermitcraft, Grian thinks. Cub, of course, loves the excessive and terrifying, but he also loves the retribution of the excessive and terrifying. Grian has known this since he met Cub and visited the man's golf course. Sure, before then Concorp's truly terrifying business dominance had suggested a powerful man, but it had been the golf course that made Grian realize he was also excessive and terrifying.

(The pyramid did not change this impression. Nor did his red sand biome. Nor did Total Chaos. Nor did—well, Grian doesn't feel like he has to list them at this point.)

Scar as a voice of reason had been right out. The problem with Scar is that he doesn't know how to be reasonable. He acts like he does. In some regards, he fakes it better than Grian does. It's his face, Grian thinks. It's attractive and difficult to say no to. It's the kind of face that makes people keep assuming HotGuy was ever actually a superhero and not just an excuse to hunt people through the server with murderous intent while posing for shirtless pictures.

Scar is... a little less of the type of excessive and terrifying exile is, if it weren't for the hunting for sport bit.

So he'd been no backup as Grian, reluctantly, did his duty as an employee and tried to speak up to explain the roadblocks with the plan. The problem was that any reasonable person, he tried to explain, would both never want to be in exile and never be able to escape. The problem, he tried, is that exile isn't even all that related to permits in the first place; it will seem like an excuse to exercise outsized and overbearing authority over the other hermits.

He'd hoped Skizz would agree. He's the new guy. New guys normally agree.

Skizz had said it sounded like fun. They'd get someone to teleport everyone back after they were sad enough.

Grian threw his hands up then (although only after he'd turned off his camera; he thinks the Higher Ups can see even after he flips the plastic lid down, but he'd like to at least pretend he's being professional on their Teams calls by claiming he's had sudden, impossible-to-overcome internet problems). He doesn't care enough to explain the problem to the Higher Ups.

The problem, he thinks, is this:

Exile is a terrifying punishment to any reasonable person.

Unfortunately, Grian does not think he knows any reasonable people.

He squints at the tiny lettering on the form the Higher Ups have given him to fill out about unauthorized nether travel while simultaneously trying to explain how their highly-trained team of people skilled in being truly batshit insane have failed to hold down a single puppet.

It's not that he didn't try to warn them. He doesn't understand why this has to be his problem.

He ignores the niggling voice in his head reminding him that he'd made most of this up and was not reasonable himself. That, in fact, making up an organizational job he hates entirely for his own amusement is not what anyone would call 'reasonable' at any time of day. That doesn't matter now. What matters now is how much he doesn't want to be doing his job.

They'd better crush this exile thing quick.

...that, or it's time to resign himself to the paperwork. Maybe he should just get a new office chair instead.

[nebuladreamz]

A little different than last year's, but here we are again. To say that this past year hasn't been absolutely wild would be a lie, cause HOLY SHIT MAN

This year's birthday is. A little different for me, but you already have the silly comic to show that so I won't make like a broken record oops

But, despite the changes and hills that life's decided I should climb or throw at, it hasn't changed the fact that I'm so genuinely fucking thankful to the people that I've known since joining this fandom. I'm not even kidding when I say that being here has actually changed my life for the better. I know I said something similar last year, but this time, hoo boy it sure turned up the AMP and test how far I could go.

So, to everyone, both new and old; thank you for being here :D

@garbagechocolate @darkxsoulzyx @smoljeanius @bunmuffin @skizabaa

@tuzesdays @sleepykas @fernzwing @kandidandi @starsketchez

@just-a-drawing-bean @notdysfunk @ilsole @amberluvsbugs @cloudyvoid

@nomsthecat @alfinefalf @nosleepygay @theblog-with-thestuff

@cacaocheri

(Edit: ty kibbits for informing me of the. Fuck ass tagging system)

AND TAGGING OTHERS BECAUSE. POINTS. BONKS WITH HEAD. GETTING TO EITHER INTERACT OR TALK OR WHATEVER IS ALWAYS A DELIGHT

@ohno-the-sun @kibbits @ink-yy @saltyfryz @kaprisvn

@hierba-picante @sunny-sophies-garden @cookiiemancer @sneeblbop @justaduckarts

@pepethehumanz @crystalmagpie447 @woolysstuff @mocha-illustrates @duhsty1

@sanchensky @pillowspace @victarin @witherfide

[I DEFINITELY GOT SONAS WRONG AND THESE AREN'T ALL THE SILLY PEOPLE I KNOW BUT IM SITTING HERE AT 2:30 IN THE MORNING JUST KNOW YOU'RE THERE IN SPIRIT HANDING YOU ALL POPTARTS WAUGH]

[pa-pa-plasma]

[bcdrawsandwrites]

(Please reblog if you want to, don't repost! Do not post to Pinterest!)

Another silly comic! The idea of this came from @mephoj.

MePhone is a tad less impressed with Toilet's art than MePad is, haha.

[ID: A four-panel Inanimate Insanity comic, parodying the "is that your fursona" meme. In the first panel, Toilet and MePhone are standing out on the contestant grounds, where pine trees and colorful hills are visible in the background. Toilet, on the left, is drawing on a white piece of paper using a blue marker he's holding in his mouth, and is looking over at MePhone sadly. MePhone is on the right, pointing at Toilet with an accusing, unimpressed look on his face. To the left of Toilet is a zoomed-in version of his drawing, which is a crude marker drawing of a cat with stick legs and featuring a toilet lid and bowl on its face. MePhone is saying, "What is that. Is that your fursona? That's cringe."

In the second panel, Toilet looks down at his drawing, his pupils shrinking, while MePhone continues to look on, unimpressed. Toilet is saying, "...oh." The dialogue bubble is stylized to be very wobbly, drippy, and small.

In the third panel, tears are forming in Toilet's eyes, and he has dropped the marker on top of the drawing. Meanwhile, MePhone is walking away with a shrug, saying, "Anyway, for our next challenge..."

In the fourth panel, Toilet is now in a random bathroom in Hotel OJ, staring directly into a mirror and crying in an exaggerated manner, his eyes huge and wobbly with bubbly tears. Within the mirror, we can see an open door in the background, with OJ poking through the door, one hand on the frame, as he squints at Toilet and asks, "what are you doing here" in a small text bubble /end ID]

[waitineedaname]

everyone likes to characterize shou as the one climbing through ritsu's window uninvited, but I think it's important to remember that when he showed up at the kageyamas' house, he knocked on their front door like a normal person. ritsu however broke into kamuro's dirty fuckin room, presumably through the window, for no reason other than to intimidate him and be an asshole. and he still had the good etiquette to take his shoes off, while being a dick. I think we need to reevaluate which one is more likely to exhibit unhinged behavior and break into someone else's house between ritsu and shou

[sallymew4]

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOURE DOING RIGHT FUCKING NOW

EVERYBODY SHUT UP IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[avixthecat]

i sure do love mepad, and i sure do love time loops :3 you should read In Between Days by @valencrime it's really really good!!

[midnight-mourning]

Valentine's is Over! What now?

Hello! This is a bit of an update post now that DCA Valentine's has finsihed up. Feel free to read what you want (though I suggest at least skimming all of it so you're aware of what's happening with me) and make sure to vote in the polls!

Starting first and foremost, thank you to everyone who submitted requests! They were all genuinely lots of fun and I hope the stories I wrote for them were enjoyable ^^ Couldn't have done the event without y'all so thank you for the lovely ideas

@rosescarletful @amarynthian-chronicles @dangerva @alynwrench

@luckyyyduckyyy @fishm0ther @juukai @divinit3a @zenkaiankoku

@starspindle @that-one-unknown-artist @milosmantis @pip-plz

Secondly, I want to give a MASSIVE thank you to the lovely wonderful amazing artists who volunteered to make doodles for the stories!! Everyone killed it and I'm so very appreciative of you taking the time to make things for my silly bits of writing shfkjsdkljflks Like seriously, it was so flattering to have people initially reach out/agree and then even more so to see the art you made as a results i just AHHHH I CANT SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH, appreciate you guys very much guhhhh <333333

@divinit3a @cozycitrus @soupdweller @juukai

HIGHLY reccommend everyone to go check out their blogs & content in general, everyone makes soooo cool art and oooo you wanna go give them some love soooo bad

Alright, with that, let's get into the meat of things; what's next?

put under the break bc there's several things happening, again skim if you want but make sure to do the poll though!

Gen writing update

I had a few requests come in after they closed (no worries to those who did so! I know it was a little confusing regarding such) so i'll be writing those when i get the chance and sending them out into the world, beyond that however, any request-based things are closed (for now) if I get any during this closed period I'm sorry but I'll have to ignore them/not do them. I'm too busy with life/other wips to add them to my list, sorry!

Holiday Spirit is going to be my writing focus for the next couple weeks! It's about halfway done and I'd like it finished so I can move on with things lol

Confused spirit is going to take a bit, as like i've said before I'm writing multiple chapters back to back for the purpose on ensuring proper flow/building my buffer back up, i know it's been a bit but believe me it's been on my mind guhh

In general i have some shorter form content/drabbles & oneshots I want to write, so be on the lookout for those >:)c

Speaking on all of the above, if you want to stay up to date with my writing, I highly reccommend joining the tag list i have! My things tend to get buried otherwise >-< Just tell me you'd like added and I'll include you :)

Poll!

I've done requests now for December/holidays, and Valentine's now too. There's no major holidays coming up for a while, BUT there is an event, in May... specifically... So,

Additionally, since the art aspect of Valentine's went so well, I'll probably look for artists again to do some drawing and will run it pretty similar to this time, so if you're interested lmk :)c

Comments & Asks

While I won't be posting/active for a few weeks, I WILL be going through and answering comments, asks, and so on from people that have been collecting in my inbox oof

PLEASE know that if you've left a comment or sent me an ask that I've seen it and appreciate it very much!!! I just have not had the time to sit down and properly answer them yet, but i will during this break!

Going Dark

I was saving this for the end just because it sounds worse than it actually is.

I'm going to take a break from posting/tumblr/etc for about a week or two and spend some extra hours doing my research stuff. I'm not behind or anything (and def always put it and school first dw) but I kind of want to try and get ahead with it just because of how strict my timeline to finish is 😅

I also just want a bit of a break from constantly writing and maybe do some other hobbies when im not on the research grind. I'll be back at it (again more casually) in a few weeks tho!

by the time you see this I have already begun lol

Leftover things

Since you're here, here's the link to my writing masterpost that includes 99% of my writing stuff!

I also realized while writing this post that I don't have an actual writing tag for non-event related writing... so i'll be fixing that as well during my break

I've gotten a question or two regarding whether my stuff is commision-based or if I have a kofi (which i'll be replying to that ask directly dw whoever you are...) and my answer to that is not currently! BUT, i'll continue to think on it for those who might be interested, if it's something I do consider doing it'll be a bit from now, but I appreciate the thought from those who asked!

I think that's all, thank you again to the requestors and to the lovely lovely artists for this event, and also thank you to those who liked/reblogged my things during this event! It's very much appreciated and I'm glad people had fun ^^ Bye!

[dramaticallycryingblood]

My friend: *infodumping about All For The Game, talking about these insane plots and trauma to convince me to read it*

Me, for some reason: I need to read this

…

and now I’m obsessed.

In my defence, she sent me this

She should be on their payroll for marketing fr

[suusoh]

would be funny, if Nina had a gf, and due to Johan's tendency to see him and nina as the same, he'd drop by casually, disguised or not, while nina is away. What's wrong? Nina is him and he's Nina! There's no complications with kissing him! You're basically kissing his sister! (Eaten ask)

your brain anon...........like EXACTLY. exactly. God this is sooo hot and weird which is johan's brand. He is karl marxing the fuck out of his sister's girlfriend. What do you mean "meet my girlfriend"? You mean meet OUR girlfriend. right? (tw: nonconsensual kissing, yandere)

Could you imagine bidding your girlfriend, Nina, goodbye after she spent the whole evening at your place? You whine and beg her to stay longer, clinging onto her, but she rolls her eyes playfully and insists she has to go.

She gives you a loving parting kiss on your lips, then plants even more– on your nose, cheeks, and finally your forehead– before she reluctantly pulls away. Any more, she jests, and she won’t be able to leave.

"You know I hate leaving you like this," she laughs softly. "But don't worry, I'll make up for today once my exams are over. Okay?"

She gives you one last final kiss before finally leaving, waving at you as she walks down the street.

You sigh and close the door, already missing her.

You really love Nina, but sometimes it feels like she doesn’t have much time for you. You understand she has her exams, a part-time job, and aikido training, which doesn’t really leave much left for you. Still, you can’t help but feel a bit greedy, wishing she’d at least dedicate a part of her to you. You're her girlfriend, after all.

You sigh one last time. No use.

She’s already spread too thin, and you know if you tell her your concern, she’ll worry and try to double her efforts to make time for you. No way in hell are you going to give her any more stress in her life. Although today was just half a day together, you're grateful. Even if it left you unbelievably craving, aching for more…

You hear a soft knock on your door. Is it Nina? Did she forget something? Oh, your prayers have been answered. You just wanted one more second with her. You open the door immediately, an excited smile on your face.

"What did you forget this ti-"

"Missing me already?"

You freeze, standing dumbfounded. In front of you is not, in fact, your girlfriend, but a tall, blonde man smiling softly at you.

"I'm… I'm sorry. I don't— Do I know you?" you ask, trying to stay cool. He must have the wrong house to ask something like that so proudly. You’ve never met him before.

His smile doesn’t falter at your question. He continues looking at you, his eye contact unwavering.

"You do." he answers, calmly leaving no explanation, still smiling softly.

You’re getting nervous. He keeps staring and smiling at you. You try to get a good look at him. Is he a mutual friend? An old classmate? A person you pissed off once? You’re at a blank. Though… the more you look at him, the more you notice how similar he looks to… to your… what the hell.

Why does he... look... a bit like Nina?

No. You chalk it off. He just has blonde hair and blue eyes, and the fact you’re missing your girlfriend terribly doesn’t help. But even then, their facial features strike a matching resemblance. It’s a bit uncanny.

You let out a nervous laugh and smile sheepishly at him. "Look, I’m really racking my brain here. Have we met before? I’m really sorry if I can’t recall…"

You give him his cue to introduce himself, to remind you who he is, to be offended at you forgetting—anything! He’s just standing there, staring down with that same smile. Your eyes dart around, seeing if this is a prank. A small uneasy pit forms in your stomach.

A beat passes by. You still wait for his reply.

You can't help but start feeling creeped out. Stupid. Always ask who’s there before opening the door. Just ask him what he wants with you and get it out of the way.

"Hey uh, I-"

He kisses you, his lips softly crashing against yours, hands gently cradling the back of your neck. He’s not forceful, but his hold is steady. You squirm and try to break free, but he quickly shushes you and holds you closer, entrapping your lips in another long kiss.

You think of quickly think of biting him, but he gently pulls away right before you can go through with the thought. His hands come up to tenderly cup your face, his thumb softly brushing against your cheek as he looks at you.

Your vision begins to blur from your tears, your legs wobbling from the fear of the situation.

"I don't know you!" you practically scream out. Your desperation kicks in as you continue to panic. "P-Please. please. please. I'm sorry. I don't know you. I don't… I don't… please… I-."

You cry softly, pleading with him. He just continues cradling your face in his hands, looking at you with that godawful eerie smile. He leans back in, slowly murmuring,

"Shh…"

He continues peppering kisses all over your wet cheeks. "You do know me," he whispers, kissing your nose. "And you know I need to make it up to you," he says, kissing your forehead. He hums softly and leaves another final chaste kiss on your lips.

"And you know I hate leaving you like this."

[respawningjupiter]

Never running to AI for fic ideas again.

[aesthetic-bbyg]

he’s fine asf but y’all are not ready for that convo.

[novantinuum]

Reformation ref sheet for an AU Steven (named "Astra") who's been invading my brain since like,, April. It's VERY wide, apologies. There's a lot going on here because this man is incredibly old and has poofed way too many times for varying reasons. (See This post for how I headcanon that Steven can poof and still be considered a hybrid being.)

While I will not talk in huge length about certain aspects of his AU on this blog due to some of it involving strong NSFW themes, there is a ridiculous amount of other lore I've developed over time for Astra, and I love him to death. He is my sad, lonely mans who I metaphorically hurl against the wall like a sticky hand when I need to feel something.

This version of Steven will likely never have any kind of full ass fic or comic made about him. Despite that, I do enjoy sharing some art and fun character lore for him from time to time. So, I might as well finally give followers like... literally ANY context for him. I've had this ref sheet for a while and just have never gotten around to throwing it on here, LOL.

Ridiculously long dump about my guy under the cut.

Subnote, this was supposed to be a quick post but I can't help myself and wrote you a fucking BOOK under the cut because I love my guy so much UWU

(Content warning I guess for like, extremely vague mentions of Steven/Steven later on.)

-

The huge tl;dr of Astra is as follows: he's a version of Steven who exists for SO long that he basically transforms into something of an ancient, lonely god.

He's outlived every single person he once knew as a child, and so as a result is starved for affection. At the same time, being vulnerable is the absolute scariest thing for him and he's really shit at navigating relationships, F.

The guy is THE most powerful living creature in his entire universe by the end, and yet remains a soft-spoken, (generally) benevolent soul. He dedicates himself to acting as caretaker for the vast, populous world he exists within, and to maintain the continuing legacy of Gemkind. A big discovery that occurs in this AU is that Gems are in fact susceptible to entropy over the span of millions of years and will eventually fall "inert," (but not him because of weird hybrid biology stuff he honestly sees as more of a curse than a blessing) so a huge plotline early on in Astra's lifespan is trying to either find a "cure" for this issue or to develop a means by which new generations of Gems can be created without the reinstatement of Kindergartens so Gemkind doesn't overtly go extinct.

-

But, to start... this Steven diverges off a point in canon- this is the timeline where he actually takes up the Diamonds on their offer of the throne in the movie, believing he may have a better chance of heralding true societal change working from the INSIDE rather than stepping away. Because he pours himself so thoroughly into his role on Homeworld and his mind is continuously occupied by this purpose, he never experiences the events SU: Future, nor does he develop his "pink mode" (yet...) or corrupt at all.

However, he's also so engrossed in his work that he's... kind of a shit boyfriend to Connie as years go on. (In that he's not terribly attentive... always super busy... their visits are often cut short, or few and far between.) Their relationship never really goes anywhere as a result, though Connie wants it to. To be fair so does Steven, but he's so scared that everything he's worked so hard to organize and set up in this new era will fall apart if he steps aside from his role for even a moment that he can't allow himself to follow that want.

At some point here he learns he can poof through a complete freak accident, and that's where things really begin to change in this timeline.

It takes a good few months for him to reform, but once he does he's back at it with all his work on Homeworld pretty quick.

The thing is... he doesn't have an innate physical need to eat or drink or sleep anymore, because he now consists of entirely hard light. It mimics human biology to an insane degree, so he COULD do all those things, but he doesn't need them to persist. So... he kinda takes this as an excuse to cut those activities out of his schedule entirely so he can spend more time focused on his duties as a diamond.

Connie is NOT a fan of this, and this leads to some debate and tension within their relationship. That being said, they remain an item...

Up until out of nowhere, Connie dies in an accident on Earth while Steven is off planet in a place where he doesn't have any contact with them for a few days. By the time the Gems are able to get in touch with him, it's far too late to resurrect her.

The kicker? In the autopsy it's discovered that she was a few weeks pregnant when she died.

Steven is emotionally gutted by this... and the thought of what could have been... and poofs.

The guy is understandably destroyed when he comes back in his next form, and his form reflects that- his gem flips as a sort of metaphorical severing from his own humanity.

He spends a long while in a deep depression at the loss of his childhood sweetheart... at the loss of any potential for (as far as he sees) a "normal" human life. There's a part of him that resents the choices he's made to end up in this present, but like, there's still work to be done.

And as the years move on, a LOT of that work is mitigating the growing relations (for better or for worse) between Gems and humans as humanity stretches their legs and reaches out into the stars. Humans kinda get... really aggressive in their expansion though, and quite territorial, and it leads towards some inevitable conflict between them and Gemkind. This time, with them more at fault. Things get so spicy that some groups of humans and Gems go to war.

Steven tries to mitigate one of these situations at the front lines- and gets poofed by a disgruntled Gem, speared straight through the back because she (kinda wrongly) assumed he would take the humans' side due to his ancestral ties to them.

When he reforms this time, he is glowing a perpetual pink. The Gems don't really know what to make of this, but he seems to be in perfectly fine health otherwise, so they assume it's just a normal aspect of this new neutral form.

And while this isn't something Steven has context to figure out until like... billions of years later, what's actually happened is that he's entered a permanent pink mode, pretty much. Guy's just got that much bottled up, unaddressed trauma.

He spends a long time in this form, and over all these thousands of years oversees the slow return to peace between Gems and humans... their marriage as a space age federation... and their deeper exploration of the galaxy. Beyond their home solar systems exist a bounty of alien species they've yet to meet... some friendly, some less so. There's definitely some conflict that crops up amidst the local galactic neighborhood when Gems and humans show up on the playing field here, lol.

But all-in-all, Steven develops a fairly peaceful and predictable routine during this reformation- living more like a Gem than ever before. He's still got the Crystal Gems at his side through all of this, and they are some of his greatest confidants.

And then... without any warning... Gems begin to go inert. Amethyst is among them.

Some of them simply stop reforming after they poof... especially those who were older Gems, or who have been cracked before. Steven and the other Diamonds using their powers together are able to "fix" this at first and "jumpstart" their reformation, but it's just a bandaid of a fix- these Gems will fall inert again pretty soon. And the longer they persist without poofing from alternate causes, the more unstable their form, power, and memory becomes. (Think of this as Gem dementia at its late stages,,, oof.)

The bottom line? Just like organics, Gems aren't immune to the forces of entropy. Sooner or later, their gemstones will decay from the inside out. Stubborn to find a way to save the ones he loves as he watches them slowly deteriorate all around him, Steven dedicates himself to trying to find a cure. But deep down, a part of him recognizes the futility of this. What he believes Gemkind actually needs to do is to develop a means of rebooting Gem incubation that doesn't destroy planets, so they can rebuild their quickly dwindling population and keep their legacy alive.

The big problem with this is that Gems take a SHIT load of energy and resources to properly incubate, so that puzzle will take a long ass time to sort out. There's kinda a lot of chaos that happens during this time. The reality of their own blunt mortality freaks out a bunch of Gems, and Steven has to do damage control with the heads of state for a lot of other alien species.

In the interim, all the Crystal Gems and some of the Diamonds (White is still in the picture, though) end up falling inert. Pearl is the last of the CGs to do so.

Steven is understandably SUPER gutted about this, and poofs yet again. (Lol notice a theme? Poor mans keeps poofing from friggin' anguish. Help him.)

After reforming with barely any changes, it's right back to work for this guy. He and the rest of his team of researchers are unable to find any cure for Gems decaying and falling inert, but they do end up making huge leaps and bounds in other kinds of tech. One of these advances allows Steven to finally deep-scan his own gemstone down to the atomic level to check for decay- this was previously a process that was very invasive, and came at the risk of irreparably damaging a Gem, but not anymore.

He expects to find evidence of the same micro decay that's been slowly eating away at the rest of Gemkind within his OWN diamond, but the thing is...

He just... ISN'T decaying at all? Even though the sheer age of this gemstone itself should suggest otherwise? As it turns out though, his existence as a hybridized being makes him kind of... an anomaly. When he first reformed all those thousands of years ago, all the data within his gem- data that would otherwise be susceptible to decay- was translated into genetic material. DNA that's woven entirely out of hard-light... but, DNA that has also been constantly regenerating itself thanks to a combination of all the intricate biochemistry surrounding the human telomere and his healing powers.

In other words, he is incapable of falling inert from natural causes, like micro decay. He's functionally immortal. Unless someone shatters him (or... heaven forbid... he shatters himself) he simply can't die.

Which, all of a sudden, makes his race to save Gemkind from their quickly approaching extinction all the more personal. Because if he FAILS- then he'll be the very last of Gemkind. There will be no one else left in this world who is even remotely like him. (Humanity has mixed and mingled with the galactic locals so much by now that they're very much unrecognizable from what they once were.)

His spirit is very nearly broken by this discovery, and he is severely tempted to throw all his own principles out the window and just sanction the construction of new Kindergartens again, if only to keep the dwindling Gem populations up and birth new generations. Perhaps surprisingly, it's White Diamond- the last Gem left who Steven actually knew since the very beginning- who urges him to reconsider. To not give up on his own morality, to not revert all the miraculous changes he's worked for these long few million years.

The big shift in the tides is when he discovers the means to jump to alternate timelines, and thus the existence of the greater multiverse. This allows him to gather intel and ideas from a far greater spectrum of sources.

And eventually... it's with the aid of many alt versions of himself from other lines across the multiverse that leads to him finding a suitable, eco-friendly solution to his Gem incubation problem. (This is the aspect of this AU I cannot discuss in length for discretion's sake. Use your imagination. Or don't, I don't care.)

The following two sections, I'll be talking more about the broad thematics than anything else. At this point, know that there are now new batches of Gems being created all the time. Gemkind is no longer at risk of any extinction, but now- like any stable organic species- new Gems are made at the same rate that they fall inert.

So, the BIGGEST thing here with this reformation is that this is overtly where this guy picks up the name "Astra." Why a name change? Well, after White finally went inert, leaving him the last Diamond in existence within this line, it basically just felt... upsetting to him, to continue to go by a name that every person he ever loved used for him. Thus, the new name is overtly a means to distance himself from that past, and from that pain. (It's also a name he chooses while thinking back to a meaningful conversation he had with White, back before she went inert, oOF. I'll probably yell about that at some point in another post.)

So, too, is the lack of any tangible facial features. He HAS a face, but others just can't see it. He subconsciously obscures it from almost everyone's sight as a means of avoiding vulnerability. One might also have noticed by now that this guy's proportions have gotten like, really strange and sorta "stretched out" over time the larger he becomes... and this is intentional, as it's yet another way he's just becoming more inhuman in form, yet another way he's internally separating himself from those humble human origins of his.

But here's the thing, though.

Deep, deep down, to be human and to live a simple human life is basically all he's ever craved. It's everything he feels he's lost forever, with the death of his Connie. And instead, he's kinda stuck in a hellish sunk cost fallacy of his own making, acting as eternal caretaker for this world that- no matter what he does to try and make it a better place- will never quite be PERFECT. Thus, in his mind, even though he's literally fixed Gemkind's BIGGEST problem, he can't Stop. He can't Rest. He simply can't allow himself himself to lay down and Sink Away into the unknown.

And even if he could allow himself to do so, he is so, so scared of walking that path alone.

If he's going to die... he wants that end to be at a lover's side.

How, though, is someone who's basically a god supposed to find anyone in this multiverse with experiences they can remotely relate to?

Well... ultimately, Astra finds that it's far, far easier to build up a close relationship with varying versions of himself than anyone else. He's... kinda trash at it, though. This guy has so much bottled up Gunk in his head and is so starved for any form of affection that he has a habit of throwing WAY too much of himself into the relationships he engages in, and expecting that same level of commitment in return. There's one relationship with an alt Steven he's in for a while that ends up pretty unhealthily co-dependent before it fizzles out, and then another where he assumes the individual is committing to this partnership for the long run, but then no... actually Astra was always pouring more into this dynamic than he was receiving in return.

This second relationship, when it ends, is pretty devastating to him- since it was one that lasted for like, a LONG ass time. Unimaginably long. We're talking billions of years, here.

Uh-oh! And now he's even more distanced from other people. Folks can't even parse his actual chosen name at this point- except he isn't really consciously aware of this for a while?? It's yet another silent cry for help, yet another internal defense mechanism specially intended to keep others from truly getting to know him. Because every time he does... stars. No matter what he does, he keeps getting hurt. Almost everyone he knows and loves is torn from his life eventually... if not by death, then by some form of tragedy... and he's just so, so tired.

He wants literally ANYTHING to change in his life. He craves some new form of purpose. He craves the attention of someone who might love him as passionately as he loves them.

For a while, he almost believes he's found that- in yet another close relationship he forges with an alt version of himself- but while this other Steven does care for him immensely, it's only as a friend. Which kinda kills Astra, because he's like, lost in the sauce levels of In Love with this guy. There's a LOOOOOOT of story I have here with this, oh my god. If I am thinking about this AU I am usually thinking about this Old Man Yaoi. The great bulk of it is very NSFW themed though, so y'all getting the cliff notes.

The MOST important thing to know though, is that Astra both makes intense leaps and strides in once again allowing himself to be vulnerable with this man, and ALSO kinda intensely fucks their whole mutually agreed situationship up. It's messy. I am crying and wailing at these two old dumbasses. Jesus fucking christ.

But then, it's in the aftermath of this whole deal that an individual named Orion comes into the picture.

Orion quite literally falls into Astra's world by complete accident, but it's a very lucky accident- because she is a diamond hybrid version of Connie from another universe who- beyond a few differences- has a strikingly similar history to his. The big difference, though? She never found a means to create new Gems without Kindergartens, so she was the last of just a few thousand Gems who existed in her entire line. Part of a deeply endangered species.

This version of Connie arrives in some very deep mental turmoil, and so Astra does his best to give them a stable home and a place to heal. And while a past version of him might've been tempted to throw way too much of himself into the slow building rapport they have, he's blessedly Learned a thing or two from the past few major relationship experiences he's had... and chooses to like, ease up. Just offer himself as a friend first and foremost, should they care for one. Man learns restraint, lol.

And it's a damn GOOD thing that he does, because out of the genuine friendship they foster, Orion is the one who ultimately falls in love with him first. The relationship that's established here is one that's balanced, a true partnership where they simply make each other better people. It's through Orion's encouragement that Astra eventually reconnects and makes up with that last person he had an intense relationship with, even.

In time, Astra truly grows to thrive with Orion in his life. He becomes a far more open, vulnerable person, someone who feels safe to truly exist as who he is, to bare every complicated, battered facet of his past to those he trusts. While he may have taken the LONG road to get here, he too heals. And as a result...

One day, Astra simply stops glowing entirely. Shrinks down to more reasonable proportions. He stops hovering around on automatic, stops subconsciously scrubbing the memory of his face or name from people's minds. He stops denying his truest, deepest self- the reality that he was born an organic being, and raised as a human.

The burred reality that all he's ever truly wanted since the day his first lover died is to be a father.

To live a quiet, simple life with the people he loves.

For so long it was a mirage of a future he thought he'd never chase down, but for how much he made all the wrong choices the first time around, now he has a second chance.

And so in my brain, that's exactly what happens. Astra and Orion start a family together and continue to act as guardians over this universe for many years to come, until- after they are satisfied with the long life they've lived together, and their children have moved on to start forging their own paths- they eventually pass Beyond at their own will in each other's arms, ending their impossibly long godhood at peace.

I really don't know how to end this post lmafo, so I will simply say: if you somehow read all of this, holy shit you are so brave. Thank you for engaging with my insane ramblings. Have a nice day LOL FUIHSNUFSJG

This man haunts my brain so much I missed two off ramp turns on the highway the other day while thinking about him. Help me.