#I am fully aware and accepting of the fact that a big is better than me

[randum-famdoms]

I hate to break it to you, but all bogs are better than anyone you can find online

he loves a bog more than me

[twilightofthesandwiches]

Okay, so here’s the thing….

We are still at a very early point in the narrative of ‘Fionna and Cake’ and therefore at a very early point in Simon’s character arc. It’s pretty clear that “I need to become Ice King again” is not the end point by any meaning of the word. But I am wondering where we’re going to go with this, cause… The series has yet to really tackle how miserable Ice King himself was a lot of the time. And how often he hurt people. 

Like, yes, I was an advent advocates for 'trying to bring back Simon Petrikov was a really really Bad Idea on Betty's part, it was more healthy to focus on making sure Ice King was as happy and healthy and harmless as he could be', but I am also fully aware that he started the show being both extremely lonely and extremely sad and also a serial kidnapper who was very much a danger to those around him. And as much progress as he made during the show, getting Ice King to that point was a very serious struggle with a lot of backslidings and problems.

'Friends Forever' is, for example, an episode that stuck with me for a long time as a really heart-wrenching demonstration how even in that late stage, when he has buddies and people trying to seriously take care of him - Ice King was still very capable of seriously sabotaging his own relationships and hurting others and himself.

And it does make sense narratively that, like, characters like Astrid and Fionna and Cake, all of whom lack the full context of what Ice King's life was like (Fionna and Cake really just saw Simon at his worst and only got snippets of clips of Ice King and since Astrid was born after Humans came to Ooo that means she was also born after the events of ‘Come Along With Me’) all see Simon as a downgrade. Because they really don’t understand how bad Ice King was beforehand. 

And thus is does make sense that with Simon's current mental state, and how he is surrounded lately with these kinda people who never really knew Ice King and don’t really understand how terrible and miserable he could be, and now hearing that his ‘sanity’ just took away magic and whimsy from some else’s whole universe, and how it feels like the actual gods of the multiverse are telling him that he should be Ice King, that he's supposed to be Ice King....

It makes sense that he might start kinda... romanticizing that time in his life again. 

You know, the big thing about the outlook that Betty should’ve accepted Ice King as who he is rather than basically destroy herself to bring Simon back wasn't about whatever Ice King or Simon Petrikov were better or 'cooler' than the other. It was about, like, embracing change. Not obsessing about a past where things were ‘Better’ but seeing what is the best you can do with things as they are. Moving forwards.

And we all know how Simon feels about moving forwards right now…

And obviously that's a pretty bad mindset, even if it's understandable how he got there...

And honestly, if we do explicitly acknowledge that, hey! Ice King’s life was often just as much of a depressive spiral as Simon's is right now! There might be an element of… resignation in Simon’s decision. 

Because Simon's downward spiral since getting cured is not a demonstration that he was better off under the Ice Crown's curse.... But, to him, more a demonstration that he doesn't need the Crown to screw up his own life anymore.

‘Cause as both as Ice King and as good ol’ ‘sane’ Simon Petrikov he is just as capable of being lonely and depressed.

And just as capable of losing his own identity.

And just as capable of pushing his loved ones away and ruining his own life.

And just as capable of becoming a weirdo obsessive.

And just as capable of making little girls cry.

He even started kidnapping people again! That’s the Ice King Classic!

So on some level, maybe Simon is resigned to the fact he’s always going to be SOME sort of screwed up lonely sadman who hurts others. And if that is his fate, he might as well be the screwed up lonely sadman who is mostly oblivious to how sad he really is and can shoot ice from his fingertips. And his arc is going to be about realizing that, whether he is Ice King or Simon Petrikov, healing and change ARE always possible for him.

But we’re gonna have to see where it goes…

[ashes-goin-down]

I think Cartman hates jewish people and -Kyle- too much to be vulnerable like you've depicted. No matter what level of physical attraction he might feel.

Hi there, thanks for your comment. Unfortunately I wrote a whole-ass novel in response so here's the TL;DR so you don't actually have to read all that: I agree that the comic is OOC but I don't think it's because of Cartman's hatred of Kyle or Jewish people.

Sorry for misusing your message to go on a somewhat loosely related rant but I've been meaning to write this for a while and it came as a convenient excuse lmao _

I agree with you regarding the vulnerability. I don't think Cartman would voice his feelings like that unless (he could claim that) it's a farce (e.g., Jenny Simons, "Cartman Finds Love") or the other person shows interest in him first so he feels safe from rejection (Heidi, initially - not opening that whole can of worms rn lol). For example, he treated his attraction to Patty Nelson as a big secret, apparently not even considering ever confessing to her, and that's most likely because he was expecting the reaction she did end up giving him since, beneath his self-deceit, he's excruciatingly aware of the fact that he's actually not exactly highly regarded by his peers.

It's a lot of work upholding the façade he's build for himself of being this cool, esteemed person and it cracks easily even without direct outside influence (for example when Clyde Frog or Cupid Me insult him) so he really, really doesn't deal with rejection very well. Him being this vulnerable to Kyle specifically and then getting rejected would be absolutely catastrophic for him, so I agree that he wouldn't put himself in that position. However, it's my opinion that the most OOC thing about the comic is the fact that he simply acknowledges that Kyle hates him. I don't actually think he'd just accept that but would instead convince himself that it isn't true ("Kyle has internalized homophobia" or better yet "Kyle doesn't think he's worthy of someone as cool and awesome as me") and then do some crazy shit to try and win him over.

So yeah, you're right: He Would Not Fucking Say That. I don't think his hatred of Kyle and/or Jewish people is the reason he wouldn't, though, as I believe Cartman's feelings towards Kyle and Judaism are a lot more complicated than that. It's not without reason that his relationships with both are such a big part of the show and that people smarter than me have written whole essays on the topic lmao

I feel the need to clarify that I am in no way trying to excuse any of Cartman's antisemitism! I'd just like to voice a few thoughts on its origin and evolution.

Cartman is clearly weirdly obsessed with both Kyle and his religion and obviously they are linked. While I suppose initially it might have been a bit of a chicken-egg situation ("He hates Kyle because he hates Jews" vs. "He hates Jews because he hates Kyle"), I believe originally his antisemitism may have simply been a byproduct of his fascination with the third reich, which itself I think was mostly a result of his enjoyment of envisioning himself as a dictator (i.e. the ultimate authority figure) and as such was actually pretty surface-level - as is evident from the fact that for a long time he didn't seem to fully grasp what exactly Judaism even IS (as shown when he apologizes to Kyle for calling him a Jew or when he uses the term as an insult towards Stan and Kenny). Still, I very much dislike it when people try to downplay his bigotry as naivety. That really doesn't hold any water after very early on in the show, if it ever even did in the first place, since he definitely acts from a place of malice and over time his fixation on the religion seems to have developed into something bigger. He's learnt more about it and it became much more synonymous with Kyle for him (the order of which is also debatable but I of course lean a certain way). At this point in the show I believe it's safe to say that he wouldn't be nearly as obsessed with Judaism if Kyle wasn't Jewish. While Cartman is obviously a bigoted asshole in many ways, he's not nearly as preoccupied with other minority groups as he is with Jews and he has even shown himself to be surprisingly tolerant of homosexuals and disabled people (who, of course, were also heavily persecuted under Nazism).

I really do think that "Jewpacabra" did leave a lasting impact on his character. It's pretty obvious that he was being genuine at the end of of the episode and actually did intent on self-identifying as Jewish from then on (and iirc M&T confirmed as much in the commentary to that episode and explained that they just sort of… forgot about that lol) and then in "Shots" he does claim to be Jewish and while that may have been in an attempt to get a vaccination exemption, the aforementioned commentary makes me believe it may not exclusively be that.

Notably, he specifically calls himself an "Orthodox Jew", which Kyle obviously doesn't seem to be and that ties in nicely with him becoming a rabbi in PC and making the religion his entire personality - because it's not enough to become Jewish: He needs to beat Kyle at being Jewish.

Of course, Cartman never actually stops being antisemitic before the time skip but then "Cupid Ye" implies that that isn't even a fully conscious decision that he can completely control but instead at least partially caused by whatever he has going on mentally. He even actively attempts to counteract it when he decides that it has gone too far. That's my take on the episode, at least. Obviously the whole thing with Cupid Me is kind of messy. No matter what exactly is actually happening there, I do think the his actions here prove that his feelings regarding the matter are more complex than they may initially appear to be.

Though I know it's still a point of contention for many, to me personally it seems pretty clear that him being a rabbi and a family man in PC was authentic and that he wasn't simply messing with Kyle the entire time. However, I find it extremely interesting that Cartman converted BEFORE meeting Yentl so I actually don't see any way in which Kyle didn't have any part in that and as such I don't think he would have ever become a rabbi if Kyle didn't happen to be Jewish. So my personal headcanon is that while Cartman's conversion was indeed directly influenced by Kyle, he actually did end up finding fulfillment in the faith and it ironically helped him let go of his obsession with him (which I think fits the show's style of humor).

To summarize: As a shipper I may be biased but I think that Cartman is a disturbed little boy who grows up to be a disturbed little man who fails to fully understand his feelings towards Kyle and - as an extension of that - the Jewish faith and thus lashes out into extremes regarding it.

[arundolyn]

relevant to nothing, but i wanna hear your thoughts on the natlan archon quest. am i the only person who's kinda salty with how it ended? i know they can't kill off mavuika cause they wanna make the archon playable, but it felt a little too convenient to me that capitano was just there to solve the problem. maybe i'm just coping since i wanted playable capitano. just wish the whole archon quest was written differently cause i'm so indifferent to mavuika. i still think she's cool, but there could have been more. hoping they make the second act of her character quest a banger. eh maybe it's just a me issue and i'm just burnt out from all the dense lore bombs in natlan -🍵

see. listen. its really funny. cause im a fatuihater on principle. i just Havent liked them. this made me like capitano. i was SEVERELY not vibing with him when he showed up and literally went "fuck it we're doing my plan". that was just Typical Fatui Shit to me and i was already rolling my eyes and sick of it. capitano actually gained my respect by having a genuinely interesting plot purpose and actually having principles he stuck by. i fully did not buy into him being all chivalrous and just like his lackeys talked about him being because the thing with just about every harbinger and in general fatuus so far is we're told one thing and shown a whole nother. this is probably the first time we had a genuinely altruistic harbinger, and also the first time we're shown The Bad and then Actual Good. every other time its been either Good no wait theyre Bad or Bad and then Worse. cant stand childe. dottore is just flat and lame because theres no substance to it other than He Feels Like It. arlecchino could be compelling but its severely hampered for me by her lack of self awareness. her and wrio are interesting character foils but the fact that she Genuinely believes shes better than crucabena and doing something good for Her Children is just such a HARD turn off because functionally she's in the same boat but with worse and deeper emotional abuse rather than flat out violence. i wouldnt mind as much if she like. admitted this. but she truly does seem to believe grooming kids into being soldiers is good when she does it so its like... nooooo.. nope. its So clear to me narratively she doesnt actually care for anyone in the house of the hearth on an individual level so much as theyre Her Property. her pawns. if someone gets hurt theyre messing With Her. this is just neatly dressed as the whole idea of Being Family. anyway thats not the point

^ i said that like a week before actually playing the last bit of the archon quest and like. i live in a hole so i dont really know how everyone Felt about the ending by and large but like. they won me over big time with that! not only was the scene really cool and the entire concept of no matter what happened there it was going to be cheating death was REALLY sick. that was a satisfying narrative arc 100000% and it was pretty well foreshadowed. im a sucker and told myself when i started the game like a month after it came out i was GOING to like the pyro archon and natlan no matter what bc something something native american vibes and i do genuinely love mavuika and enjoy natlan so like. im for sure biased. and it made narrative sense for her not to die yet even if she had already accepted she would. its also a satisfying end for capitano cause he actually achieved his technically impossible goal. he won against death! by dying anyway! and giving all the souls he had inside him somewhere to rest!

im also super biased bc the way capitano tried to kick the door down and say HEY we're doing things my way and didnt look like he wanted to defer to the people that Lived There that he PROFESSED TO CARE ABOUT simply did not sit right with me. heavy colonizer vibes. ESPECIALLY after the reveal that everyone would functionally lose their cultural identity if he did what he intended. and saying he cared about the people and land in question. like that simply Did Not Track. first harbinger ever to sit his white ass down and listen when mavuika told him to knock it the fuck off and honestly that was so real. they didnt fully win me over pretty much until he showed up in front of ronova and i knew Exactly what i was about to happen. they started to get me around the time he showed up at the flower feather clan but i was still suspicious. unironically him dying made me like him so much more cause it was actually. like. cohesive and sensical. some parts of natlan felt like a slog up to that point for sure but that was an Extremely good payoff for some things set up since the beginning. kinda makes up for the gosoythoth fight being pretty lackluster. i had also figured ahead of time they were gonna subvert the mavuika death bit and this kinda feels like the only way it couldve been done without being a total cop out. but tbh i get it and i doubt youre the only one since natlan has been pretty unpopular for various reasons

maybe capitano being there was some degree of contrived and convenient but idk. to me it felt pretty well thought out and when you think back on certain things even before he flat out tells you what his deal is they did foreshadow the whole being a vessel for other souls thing. interesting foil with both ororon and mavuika that way. he actually felt like a driven and consistent character when i was instantly under the impression when he showed up and started throwing punches at a god that he was just gonna be another guy here serving his own mystery agenda consequences be damned but he did kinda actually back up the fact that he cared about natlan and its people as well as his homeland and its remaining inhabitants so i do have to give props for that. like extremely. maybe its cause hes one of the only harbingers who doesnt give a fuck less abt the tsaritsa idk lmao. it was kinda sweet that mavuika conceded to him after he died as a sign of respect. cause like clearly after they werent opposed they had a lot of mutual respect for each other as leaders! refreshing to have a harbinger capable of listening to other people idk the M.O. of the fatui is really just wreck shit in a foreign land until they comply rinse and repeat kinda nice that was Fully not what he was going for. felt organic

[thiefking]

i need to draw/speak more of my narutos. "my narutos" meaning specifically the versions of every character that exist in my head, of course. i wanna draw hinata and gaara (besties of all time) especially. because other than the fact that they have the most fully realized design changes in my head, they are perhaps the defining aspect of My narutos, as opposed to everyone else's. their friendship to me is like "ok i'm going out...! (wearing some extremely Please Don't Look At Me outfit)" "not dressed like that you're not." "better? (she is now gothed the fuck out with an invader zim handbag)" "yas bitch slay." this is how they work. to me

i want to draw Literally Exactly That what i just described there as a meme but i do also kind of want to write or draw sometjing more substantial because i am The Hinata And Gaara Understander. as individual characters and as a pair of besties. amd i need to explain to others why it makes perfect sense because i just Know that i am one of extremely few to look at these two, of all characters, and deduce that the character arc hinata SHOULD have had is one that would be so obvious to gaara & something he would encourage. or maybe the only one, but the fandom is/was so big that it feels statistically unlikely... if we're talking CURRENT fandom i may actually be uniquely insane about this. i don't know for sure i haven't really interacted with the fandom i've been fucking around in my own skull this whole time that's how i even arrived at "hinagaara bffs" in the first place

but like... listen. hinata's thing is basically (in an inconsistent, half-baked, and never fully realized form): "i can change to improve myself and finally meet everyone else's standards and prove them wrong...!" as she is trying to emulate naruto. ... "prove them wrong", but she is not subverting anything if she meets an expectation that was explicitly set. hinata is not naruto. naruto's expectations were that he is worthless and nothing and not worth having any expectations for in the first place, and basically all of konoha thought this way. if naruto accomplishes basically anything at all he proves someone wrong, even if just a little. hinata had expectations set on her, specifically by her family, that she is not meeting. even though what hinata WANTS to do is prove them wrong, what she is fundamentally DOING is trying to please them by doing exactly what they want her to do. yes, when they think she won't even meet their lowest expectation and she does meet it, she is TECHNICALLY proving them wrong... but she isn't really achieving meaningful personal growth by doing this, is she? all she has done is meet their standards and essentially fall into their evil ghoul trap and accept EVEN MORE PRESSURE as a "reward" because now that she finally met this one single goal, they can move the goalpost. she will only ever be the failure who occasionally surprises them, she will always be lagging behind the others, and every single time she fails she gets sent back to square 1 in their eyes. meeting all their expectations or even surpassing them entirely is always going to feel hollow and fragile, because in the back of her mind, if she slips even once she has to do it all over again. she deserves better than constant paranoia

gaara (and pretty specifically gaara) can rightfully point out the problem with hinata's current mindset because hinata's hardships are way closer to GAARA'S than naruto's, to be honest. it's not lacking a family; it's having a family that doesn't feel like a family, and that family isolating one child and encouraging the others to treat them like shit so that one child never has anyone on their own level when they're at home and they are constantly forced to be aware they lack some ambiguous something that seemingly everyone else has that would make them "worthy" of being loved by their own family

hold on let me put yhe rest under a readmore this post is long as fuck

the hyuugas treat hinata like shit and call her weak, and because her parents gladly and openly call her weak and because she's supposed to be heiress to the clan, her sister and neji (the only family who were close enough in age and rank to not intimidate) were made to hate her, think she is weak, be jealous of and resent her for being heiress despite her weakness, and treat her like shit like the other hyuugas do, thus completely isolating her within her family. and rasa treated gaara like shit and had given up on him LONG before he snapped (let's be fucking real here if gaara had to learn that "love" makes emotional pain feel better at age SIX... and not to mention the entire yashamaru """plan""" was utterly and blatantly fucking NONSENSE on all levels like nice going rasa you just turned your kid almost irreversibly insane... seemingly on purpose...? i can only assume it was on purpose and you just wanted to be a spiteful bitch to the kid who killed your wife because literally what else did you think was going to happen with that but that's a rant for another time.), he tacitly encouraged temari and kankuro to not even bother with gaara and to be afraid of him like everyone else is because RASA was also OBVIOUSLY SCARED and not only that he was constantly literally trying to murder gaara so temari and kankuro also had reason to believe from a very young age that associating with him might make rasa treat THEM like that too, essentially forced gaara to straight up kill his uncle who was the ONLY family member he had who talks to him like he isn't a monster (and inexplicably decided that he should also tell gaara outright that he is not and was never loved by anyone), etc etc etc; gaara was also isolated within his own family and made to be the odd one out, over and over again. naruto knows what it's like not having a family at all, but he never experienced having family— non-metaphorical, blood relation, "entire reason you were born" family— who hates you. naruto knows how it feels to be neglected and feared by an entire village, that's how he relates to gaara. hinata was hated by her own family, the people she depended on for life itself, but she was never hated by the village at large, even if she perceives herself to be. naruto can empathize with this and put himself in her shoes, but like... gaara KNOWS, firsthand, what hinata is experiencing. that is why gaara is fairly uniquely capable of pointing out the problem Very Directly because he would see it way faster than anyone else

naruto could see it too, and he could say all the same things, but he wouldn't do it how gaara would. and i think hinata needs to hear someone speak to her, bluntly and authoritatively, and say "you deserve better than this." because normally whenever she hears someone (her own family) speak to her bluntly in an authoritative tone they're telling her she's weak and pathetic and subpar and needs to improve, and every time she is spoken to like that she believes them and marks that weakness off as something to fix. hearing incredibly matter-of-fact validation and encouragement spoken the exact same way primes her to believe that encouragement, and now her compulsive need to please people who speak to her that way is going to force her, even fleetingly, to take it seriously. especially because gaara would tell her something she is doing wrong, which will feel familiar, but he actually has HER best interests in mind. there is no benefit or advantage for him if she succeeds. he is unaffiliated, not even from konoha, he gains nothing from it. gaara doesn't tell her to try harder nor to give up and accept mediocrity. gaara tells her it's okay to give up and try something else, and sometimes it's the people around you who are the ones who need to change, not you.

gaara looks at "i will change myself to prove myself to others", and he says instead: "you need to stop caring what other people think about you and stop morphing yourself to their perception. just because YOU aren't doing that in a 'if you all want to call me a monster then fine, i'll be a monster' kind of way, like i did, that doesn't mean that isn't still an unhealthy way to think. you should figure out who YOU are and live as who YOU are, unapologetically, until they get the point that they can either accept you as you are and realize they were wrong, or they can fuck off. this is a situation where it is Not Your Fucking Problem that other people are disappointed with you especially because of how hard you've already been working to try and meet their arbitrary standards. this isn't about talent or hard work. this is about whether you even Want to be doing what everyone else wants you to do. and it is difficult and terrifying and lonely to be the only person who knows who you really are. it is hard work to figure it out and it is hard work to convince others, and at times it will feel hopeless. so i won't let you be the alone. i won't let you have to try and fail all alone, like i did. i will be your first victory, i will give you listening ears, i will be your silent dressing room mirror while you try on different hats before you figure out which one fits, i will be here and i will not judge you or decide on your behalf who you are, and i will be your family if no one else will. literally. if they cast you out you can come home to me. temari and kankuro have already accepted me as i am, i'm sure they'll accept you as you are too"

and then with time and gentle coaxing hinata decides to stop trying to be what her family wanted her to be and starts being a goth weirdgirl and pursues her interests in mycology and psychology and entomology and starts fucking THRIVING

i could go on forever. i should stop now or i never will. some of the parallels between them or the reasons that gaara would specifically want to support her in the specific ways i envision came about entirely from headcanon (coughs. even more headcanon than... the rest of this... coughs) and i FORGET that it's headcanon. for example "gaara created his good reputation in sunagakure through brute force good deeds. like people were so scared of him that they wouldn't let him CASUALLY prove that he was trying to be better, so he basically had to scare them even more just to prove that he was no longer scary. things like using his sand to hold people in place... so that he can physically put money into their hands and say 'this is yours and you will take it and use it to pay rent and buy your child that toy he wants. i do not want anytjing in return and i will be leaving you alone now.' because otherwise people would run away before he even gets the chance to be nice. literally just has to hold them still and pointedly do something nice for them and then let them go without hurting them while they tremble in misplaced terror like he;s a wildlife vet wrangling an injured seagull". this is part of why he would say "be unapologetically you and they can accept that and realize they were wrong about you to begin with, or they can fuck off". NONE OF THAT is explicitly canon... but there is so much & it makes perfect sense to me. aauuugaghh hinata my hinata my hinagaara besties my hinata. i could go on and on and on and on. goddammit I WILL GIVE HER THE CHARACTER ARC SHE NEEDS & DESERVES... GIVE HER TO ME KISHIMOTO.... WHAT IF THE FACT THAT HINATA HAS 3 PERSONALITY TRAITS IN CANON ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING AND WASN'T JUST BECAUSE YOU, MASASHI KISHIMOTO, SELF-ADMITTEDLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE WOMEN? WOULDN'T THAT BE SO MUCH LESS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU? I CAN MAKE IT REAL! I CAN MAKE IT MEANINGFUL!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT REPRESSION!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT WORKING HARD TO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, AND SAYING "SCREW YOU" TO PEOPLE WHO TRY AND DECIDE WHO YOU ARE ON YOUR BEHALF, AND THE REJECTION OF THE STATUS QUO, AND EMBRACING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT AND MAKING USE WHAT UNIQUE STRENGTHS YOU HAVE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MATCH WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, AND HOW HUMAN LIVES ARE INHERENTLY VALUABLE EVEN IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU SAYS YOURS IS WORTH NOTHING!!! JUST LIKE WHAT NARUTO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! I CAN EVEN SPICE IT UP A BIT AND USE MY MAGICAL WOMAN-UNDERSTANDING POWERS TO MAKE IT ABOUT HOW WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY JUST REGULAR PEOPLE WHO ARE AS VARIED AS MEN AND HOW THE SOCIETAL CONCEPTS OF WOMANHOOD AND PROPER WOMANLY BEHAVIOUR ARE RESTRICTIVE AND OPPRESSIVE, AND THE MANY WAYS THAT SOCIETY WILL FORCE TOTAL CONFORMITY AND PUNISH EVERYONE WHO STEPS OUTSIDE OF THAT FRAME (AND EVEN THOSE WHO REMAIN WITHIN)!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY!!!! I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID OF GIRLS MR KISHIMOTO WILL IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IF I ALSO MAKE IT ABOUT NEJI WATCHING HINATA COMPLETELY REJECT HER CAGE AND DISCOVER HERSELF AND HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT AND MAYBE JUST COVER YOUR EARS WHEN I START TALKING ABOUT EGGS!!!!!! MR KISHIMOTOOOOOO PLEEEEEEEASE

[spotsupstuff]

"Ah. You again."

"You hush!" Three Sparrows aggressively points towards the abnormally sized blue Iterator puppet leveling her with an unimpressed look since she made it through the chamber hatch. "You knew I was coming over before I even started packing back at Caper's. And I know for a fact that you've known about me since I got through your retaining walls."

Oh, and he has the nerve to puff unconcerned at that, glancing back to the endless neon screens displaying manufacturing demands, asking him to deal with that and that accident occuring in the multiple levels of Desaevio. He just swipes those away. Not even betting an eye at someone losing their life in a crash.

That still sends shivers down her spine and settles an uncomfortable weight in her stomach. Even though it's been a long while now, that Boreas' Blessing has accepted her into his family.

"Yes, I have. And I have attempted to prevent you from progressing further into my factories as well-," he shoots her a warning look without any threat in it over his shoulder, "-intruder."

"Ha! Please." Three Sparrows exclaims, rather directing her attention to her goal- the umbilical arm. She needs something to ground against after all, and at this point she knows better than to ask the ancient Iterator to turn off the antigravity. Blessing doesn't like doing that- the pull of the umbilical arm on his back hurts.

Not so subtly, the arm moves to meet her as she swims to it.

"You call *that* 'preventing'? You've got to be growing rusty. You gave me a harder time while trying to get to my apartment back during my school days than now."

"Hm. Yes, well... You are pulling on your 81st birthday. I have thought you would be appreciative of me being considerate of that fact." She settles on one of the last segments of the arm at its base and with the wave of the puppet's, all the screens close. "...what with being fully organic and all. Have your joints not been bothering you?"

As he brings himself closer, she pays him no mind. Rather eyeing her knee from her perch. And... yeppp, extending it properly produces a crack. It hurts a little. Blessing glares at the thing as if it just personally offended him.

"You *are* aware I could produce you a prosthe-"

"No." She quickly waves her hand in denial. "No- I mean... thank you, Blessing. For the offer. I do appreciate both it and you being considerate. I may not... like to hear it, but I guess I really am getting old. But I'd like to stay as much myself as I can the whole way."

"..." And the so-old-that-it's-hard-to-comprehend thing gives her this look. On the outside still twisted in anger- Three Sparrows is sure his face actually got stuck that way- but buried underneath... worry, pity, confusion... fear... all that plays there in the back. "...very well. I will stop asking then."

She gives him a little smile from behind her rebreather mask. "You said that last time I visited, too. You are just a big ol' carebear, B."

Huff, cross of arms. "What are you doing here this early anyway. You are scheduled to come by in a week before departing for Zephyrus."

Three Sparrows only gives him a shrug at that, averts her eyes. "I dunno. This might... be my final outing. To Zeph especially. I don't know when I'll start greying, I don't know when mom will die back home, the next few years seem..." her hands clasp each other, fidgeting, "They seem..."

His touch is strangely light, when his hand settles on top of hers. Hiding them both away effortlessly. He's cold.

But his voice is gentle and warm, the deep tone of it reassuring. "Uncertain."

Sigh. "Yeah... Uncertain. I'm scared." She shrugs again, trying to play that vulnerability off. "Either way, I might not see you guys in person again. I thought that was... horrible. I may have cried. A little bit." She eyes him, trying to force some play through the pain. "Only a teeny tiny bit."

"Right, yes." Blessing decides to indulge her, "Because every time I have seen you cry it definitely had not felt like I was close to witnessing a river for the first time."

That at least gets her to giggle a little. "You are the meanest person ever!"

"I will be sure to take that as a compliment, little sister." And he makes a show of rolling his eyes in total exasperation.

Through little laughs, she continues: "So I'm here to stay the week. Hang out with you a little before I'll go."

When he takes too long to reply, seemingly surprised, she adds a little unsure with one of her hands worming out from underneath his to put it over it. "You can still... send me on my way, though? If you don't want me."

Oh and there's such hurt in that statement. How could he, anyway? She's his responsibility, for the last twenty or so years. And his responsibilities are precious to him. Either by their value, as his work to manufacture parts- or by how cherished they are. How beloved they've become. And just like little Eurus, Three Sparrows has managed to become dear to him too.

With a soft squeeze of her hand, Blessing indirectly answers. "Are you going to stay here now? I shall fix the air for you, if so."

There's that smile again. So easy to paint on her features, yet not any less loved for it. "I'd like to. Thank you."

As the process starts, she tells him of her plans. Motions to the guitar case on her back, points to her media player apparently containing new songs she thinks he might like.

They shall sing, they shall watch a movie and then they shall talk some more. While Boreas' Blessing indulges her, he shall look for a place for her to stay for the week, too. It must've slipped her mind.

It's alright. He's here to look after her.

[gamerbearmira]

Mama Isa

I was rereading the first few chapters of Mama Isa on AO3, and it really made me think about the way both Isabella and Alma view themselves and their actions, they both do things "for their family" Isabella takes her kids and leaves so they wouldn't be mistreated, and Alma considers her actions of pressuring the family and serving the community as ensuring that the miracle that protects them stays strong, they are both doing extreme things in order to protect their loved ones, the big difference is Alma didn't realize she was going overboard and actually hurting her family, while Isabella is very much aware of how hard leaving the Encanto was on the others and knows her actions, even if they were necessary, were extreme. It's really interesting to compare the two in this AU, I'd love to see a confrontation between just the two of them, where these similar motivations but different ideas and actions really clash, I would imagine it would go similarly to the argument Abuela had with Agustin in canon, "you need to come home Isabella, think of the family!" "I am! That's exactly why I took them and left! I was thinking of them and their happiness!"

YOU REREAD…I’M SOBBING…THANK YOU???? 😭

Anyway yes. Both definitely are extreme. But like you said, Isabela is fully aware. That’s actually why she said that if they really wanted to, they could stay (of course, Isabela still would’ve taken up the raising them role). She knows how much it can and will affect them, and that’s why she tries to be the best moral support, even years after the fact.

Alma actually does find out where they went. She has gone to them on three separate occasions, and each time it basically turned into a screaming match, all of which Isabela won. Alma believes she knows better, and that what she’s doing is right. She first tries to convince Isabela (and probably herself, let’s be real) that if they come home, it will be way better than the life that Isabela (and Dolores) has worked so hard to build for them.

—————

“Alma, you need to go home,” Isabela said, a cactus popping up as she seethed at Alma. Why she had come back, again, was baffling.

“Isabela, you need to come home. Your family misses you, you can’t keep doing this!” Alma pleaded, though her patience was wearing then. Isabela whipped around, her eyes boring into Alma.

“Doing what? Keeping my family safe? My actual family? Because as far as I’m concerned, they,” Isabela gestured to Casita, where she knew the rest of the family had been called to by Dolores, and probably Mariano. “Are my only family. You are no family of mine. The only abuela I have is Abuela Guzmán.”

Alma clenched her jaw, her eyes widening. This wasn’t the first time Isabela had argued with her, had done this whole thing. And it wouldn’t be the last, not until she got the magic and her family back. “Isabela, this whole life you’ve made up? It isn’t real! None of this is good for you, you are poisoning them-“

“Poisoning them? Seriously? You are the one who poisoned our minds for years. Because of my decision to take my family and leave. And this “life” is not made up! It is fpvery real, and whether you accept it or not, I’m not leaving, you aren’t taking anyone from me!” Isabela yelled, stomping her foot. T more cacti sprouted and tangled vines appeared. Townspeople we’re gathering, looking upon Alma with distaste, whispering about her.

“You need to come home, Isabela, think of the family!” Alma yelled back. She had to make Isabela see. See that she needed to come home.

“I am! That’s exactly why I took them and left! I was think of them and their happiness!” Isabela said, getting in Alma’ face. “Unlike you, I put my family before a stupid candle!”

—————

Oop 🤕 the beef is REAL

Random art lol

[ihardlyknowher3139]

I feel like for a while now I’ve had this weird sinking feeling

So I’m finally an adult. That was fun.

Weirdly enough I’m not bummed about my birthday not being anything special this year. Weirdly the real thing that bummed me out was feeling like there’s a possibility that I was right about this sinking feeling I’ve been having and I don’t know how to feel.

To the void thats reading this… if you have read my other diary posts you might be aware of the fact that about a year or 2 ago I had this falling out with a best friend of mine. Eventually I decided to reach out and maybe set things right. We started talking again and to some extent realized that the whole situation was dumb and we both could’ve handled it better. And now we’re at a point where we both consider each other best friends again.

For a while things felt… good and back to normal in a way. And then college started and at some point I started having this weird feeling.

Another thing to add, when we became friends again, his friends were not fully aware of it at the time. Mostly because after we stopped talking ofc he talked about it to his other friends and expressed his sadness and his emotions about feeling like he wasn’t the kinda person I said he was and feeling like he’d been perceived differently than who he actually was. Ofc after hearing so much about it they’d be weary of the idea of us rekindling our friendship again. And thats justified, I’d probably react the same way.

Another thing to add is that a lot of this sinking feeling I’ve had and am gonna explain is based on the observation of my friend’s instagram profile. Which I know social media doesn’t reflect everything, but I also believe the way somebody posts and especially who they include in their posts may say something about how they feel about the people around them.

I started noticing something, most of the people that kept up with him through Instagram, would never notice that we became friends again unless they noticed that we followed each other again. (Or the fact that I’ll sometimes comment on his posts.)

Also one more thing to add (I am so sorry) so, he has 3 different instagram accounts, 2 for just pictures of him and one private account which posts more about friends and has more candid images. I noticed that the private account does not actually follow me. Maybe it’s a coincidence or a mistake but it’s weird cuz I JUST noticed. But yea remember this third account.

On his private account he posts more stuff related to his daily stuff, like if he goes out and hangs out somewhere with his friends he will post a picture with them. I started noticing that he would never post anything related to me, as if we never even started talking again. But not like we took a lot of pictures together…… or not like he prompted to take those pictures anyway…

I assumed that maybe he only takes and posts group pictures, thats not the case either, he’s posted pictures with just one other person before. The last time I ever appeared on his profile was more than a year ago, much before the big fallout between us.

And ofc at first his friends had no clue about us being friends again and they were maybe sometimes protective or defensive about the idea but like in a month it’s gonna be a year since we started talking again. And at best we considered eachother best friends again. It wouldn’t be so foreign for his friends to accept that things changed and we worked things out, what was stopping him to even acknowledge that?

I know that sounds entitled, I’m well aware, but I don’t think I would feel this if he hadn’t set this standard already. It’s not like he avoided posting his friends.

At some point I had this feeling at the back of my mind that he was embarrassed to admit being my best friend to other people. But I brushed it off cuz no way right?

Every time somebody he knew’s birthday came, he’d post little happy birthday stories about them. My birthday came along, I’m his best friend, he’d have something to post on his stories or something to say right? Surely he wouldn’t just message me and wish me there and thats it right?

That was kinda it tho. He messaged me happy birthday and that was it… we hung out together for the day too and part of it was fun, at the start atleast, eventually things got quieter, we got to this one recurring stage throughout most of our hangouts where somebody would call him and he’d just talk to that person on the phone for like a good 15 minutes while I sit there saying nothing, we walked for sometime and then there was some silence and he started texting somebody else, by the end of the hangout he was already talking to somebody to go hang out with them after me. And like for some reason I believe that he is embarrassed to be my friend… And for some reason the lack of the birthday story somehow made me feel like I might be right. I know I sound so stupid and probably sound a little bit entitled but like idk it’s just, sometimes you expect more…

It’s so weird cuz it really is bothering me but I don’t wanna do anything about it or like confront that part of my emotions to him. I don’t wanna feel like the reason we stop talking again.

Part of me hopes that maybe if I’m right he’ll slowly just forget about me and I’d probably still be sad but atleast I wouldn’t feel like I took a step too quickly or I made a wrong assumption again. I just kinda wish I didn’t have a reason to think that my gut feeling may have been correct.

[mainfaggot]

aug. 20th '24

Good evening oomfs,

It is 6:11 pm as i begin to write this journal entry—i spent the last 6 hours outside of my house. i bussed, walked, sat at a coffee shop, had a nice meal with a friend at said coffee shop, walked on the beach with this friend, sat on a big rock by the river with them, listened to music as we sat, then returned to the shop to order a cold brew, and i am now on my way home. my face is warm from both fatigue and the rush of caffeine that is attempting to revive my spirits.

So far in the day, i have experienced various emotions. there have been moments of static emptiness, familiar melancholy, mild anxiety as well as some prominent feelings of casual contentment in spite of everything that swims within. #deep (sorry cannot take myself seriously sometimes...) Anyway.

While bussing to meet my friend, i realised i was alone with my thoughts without any distractions; the music blaring in my headphones was only a reminder of my internal monologue, and the anxiety of being in a public space fed into my emotional state rather than taking away from it. i was yet again immersed in a well known masquerade—pretending to be calm, cool, collected while internally fearing the eye of the Other and objectifying myself through it. truly, what a pretentious way of saying that i was on edge because i feared judgement from others due to coming to hasty conclusions on my own (by assigning meaning to every little gesture and facial expression). i think it was ridiculous that i was trying to be something i did not feel i was, and i think the cracks in my performance were becoming obvious. i have always had a frighteningly expressive disposition along with difficulty maintaining an unaffected appearance (much to my mother's chagrin... "when you look so obviously upset in public i cannot stand to be seen with you!"). i was deflating like a balloon on public transport: a twenty year old Nothing dressed up in their best slacks, staring out the window wondering what the damn point of it all was, while trying not to feel too upset by feeling so very phony (fucking holden caulfield got me... ugh).

Conversation was clunky at first: i hadn't seen this particular friend in around 15 months. yes, i was counting.

She kind of snuck up on me back in high school... if i allow myself room to be a little more cliché, i could even say that it was fate in itself disguised as a surprise. i noticed her on the first day (?) of grade nine. she invited me to eat lunch with her since she already had a group of friends from middle school attending our high school, whereas i knew absolutely no one. i lost her in the hallway traffic. i ended up sitting with a handsome twelfth grade boy and his good-looking friends who took pity on my tragic freshman self. i was kind of awestruck by two things: her outgoing personality and the nice seniors with pretty faces. fast forward a couple years, a few of her friends were my friends, but the two of us were not close at all. at this point, i knew of her and thought she was incredibly intelligent and kind (she goes to Yale now by the way, and she's on her pathway to law school...!). however, i had no interest in becoming friends with her because i already had three people that i considered close enough. by the start of junior year, we were talking and getting to know each other better. by the end of junior year, we texted and called frequently. i was close friends with her and her friends. it was weird because from age 16 onward, i felt weirdly distant from her. perhaps it was that she was on student council, the head of the debate team, acting in musical productions, and dancing outside of school all while managing a 90% average that intimidated me. eventually, her acceptance into Yale sort of reinforced the thought in my head that i was a stray cat she picked off the street to play with for a short while before moving on to bigger, better things. i was insecure and fully aware of this fact, but i was never jealous. i knew she deserved everything that she worked for and i admired her deeply. i think i just hated myself for being so Nothing next to her, and i believe i couldn't even begin to understand what she saw in me to keep me within her inner circle. i just didn't understand why i was chosen to take up that position. i should've appreciated it more though because then she left for Yale, and then she took a break from school and left for England, and then i was on my own and no longer special to anyone for a long time. she has always been an honest and genuine person, and i was always insecure. im not exactly like that anymore, although i do feel weird about her liking me enough to keep me around. i don't really know what i have to offer to anyone as a friend, but im grateful that she thinks im worth staying in contact with. it's true that she was too busy to text or call for months on end at one point, but i assume that that was the result of working 60 hours a week as a 20 year old paralegal in a different country, in a different time zone, all while living alone. i don't blame her for that period of time. who am i to do so, anyway?

Back to the present, we discussed school and third year plans, we talked about masters degrees and settling in different countries in our twenties, and we talked about music and books. she's such a consistent person... even when she changes, it's like she's simply evolving into a better or more experienced version of herself. she's not like other people i went to high school with, people who did a 180° once university started. maybe im idealising her excessively... i never really viewed myself as her equal in the first place (probably a bit of a problem... self esteem issues chronic clinical depression blah blah we know). it was nice to see her. ultimately, it was nice despite everything. i was afraid of meeting, i was afraid of talking about my emotions and constantly fluctuating mental disorders, i was afraid of feeling detached as i do in general, but we settled into each other's space without too much difficulty and we barely touched the subject of my mental well-being. i also only felt detached half of the time, so there's that.

Side note: my face is so fucking warm right now... also it's 7:23 right now because I got sidetracked while writing this. i forgot to hit send post at 6:30 when i initially thought i was done writing (because i was chatting with my younger sister), and when i returned to my phone, i realised i wanted to write some more. now look at the time!

Yours truly,

zay mainfaggot

p.s. songs of the evening below <3

[xxx-theartofsuicide-xxx]

hi, i just wanted to send this as a way to clear my conscience. you don’t owe a response and certainly not any sort of absolution (not that i have to tell you that, lol).

i was in your server a long while back, i think i was around 15-16ish. i was even more spastic than i am today, and trying to compromise the repugnancy of proshipping that had been drilled into my head with the fact that i liked everything i’d been told not to. it was very token anti-type cognitive dissonance. i’m almost certain i sent you hate mail (i know i definitely typed it up)— if i did, i can’t recall exactly what i said, but i’m sure it’s exactly as choleric and unscrupulous as you can imagine a fat asocial loser being lmao.

anyway, to cut a long and very predictable story short, i want to apologize for sending you all that garbage, and generally being a two-faced bitch. in a twist nobody could ever suspect, i was just envious of how confident and unabashed you were. i was embarrassed about my own shipping tastes and took it out on someone who wasn’t. i know that you eat anons like this for breakfast and are already fully aware of that fact, but i feel the need to say so anyway. i was a jealous cunt.

in spite of my own douchiness, though, you genuinely helped me come around to accepting my own desires, feelings and code of ethics. your server provided a sense of competence and neutrality, i loved making art without the need to be “unproblematic.” i want to thank you for that, alongside the apology. you’re confident, and open, and successful. you helped encourage me to make and seek art that i enjoyed, and not what was palatable to the fucking internet of all places. i’m still trying to be (and look) better, and i hope that one day i can love myself like you do.

Hurt people hurt people. It's okay, I forgive you, and I'm proud of your growth. Thank you for being brave enough to own your past. It's very big of you. Some people go their entire lives without ever becoming self-aware. Go forth knowing that I don't bear you any ill will, I only grew from my experiences with antis, and you can repay me by being kinder to yourself which will have a rippling effect of making you a kinder person for others.

[glitchdollmemoria]

lots of thoughts with yom kippur approaching and not sure how to organize them. thoughts about the fact that i try to be a good person who doesnt harm others and apologizes when i do, thoughts about having low empathy and reduced remorse and not always being able to tell whether i actually was justified in doing something that hurt someone else or whether my own ego is clouding my judgement, thoughts about how my memory is so poor that i struggle to think of instances where i might have hurt people because i struggle to think of anything really that isnt within a very narrow timeframe but then when i can remember it loops back around to me justifying it. thoughts about not even trusting my own judgement on whether or not ive hurt someone because i think i tend to assume wrong in either direction, either assuming i matter more to someones happiness than i do or not recognizing how much i matter to someone else. i am a self centered person although i try not to be, and i will continue trying not to be but i also dont know if ill ever fully erase that from the core of my being, and so all i really can do is keep trying. maybe i have to spend the coming year trying to be more aware of whether or not im hurting people, and trying to be willing to recognize when i really am in the wrong instead of writing off my behavior, and trying to still be discerning as to when i AM justified in. idk. being a bit of a cunt to assholes. but also still trying to show restraint and not take things too far. trying to strike a balance and just be aware and careful.

i remember when i told my father i was interested in judaism, he said people shouldnt need religion to know how to be good people. and i do think on the whole thats mostly true, at least in the sense that religion isnt a requirement in order to have good morals. i think its important to have motivations to be a moral person beyond just "my religion says so". but at the same time, i personally do rely partly on religion for that sort of thing. its not like i was a horrible person before deciding to convert, ive always had at least a part of me that does genuinely want to be good for the sake of goodness, and thats part of WHY i love judaism, because of the emphasis on making the world a better place and treating people kindly, on the idea that this planet is HaShem's creation and all people are made in His image. but i also still need guidance. and maybe thats not so unique after all, maybe im not all that special for struggling so much with morality and selfishness. i dont know. i just think maybe instead of fretting about trying to remember specific instances where ive acted hurtfully, and trying to figure out whether or not i "should" feel remorseful, maybe i just need to accept that i have a lot of issues currently (but hopefully not permanently, or at least not always to this degree) interfering with my ability to figure all that out, and i need to focus on the big picture and recognize that surely, at some times, i HAVE hurt others with my own selfishness, and i need to be aware of that and keep trying to reduce how often that happens, and recognize when it does so i can make things right. i need to be aware of the fact that my moral compass isnt perfect, and i need to be willing to acknowledge when i make mistakes instead of trying to maintain my own self image as the most morally superior person in the room. and thats difficult and painful because its a complete gut punch to my own narcissism, because my instinct is to view that sort of vulnerability as an opportunity for others to paint me as inferior, and to safeguard myself against inferiority however i can. but the vulnerability is an absolute necessity if i want to ACTUALLY improve as a person. do i want to protect myself by insisting im a morally perfect person, or do i want to actualize my desires for moral perfection, or at least get as close as humanly possible? am i ready to grapple with the fact that growth involves admitting my flaws? am i capable of looking directly at my imperfections, or will i let my refusal to look at them become just another flaw on the pile? i think all of this is more useful for me to focus on this year. there are a couple specific memories of hurting people that i want to focus on too, but by and large with my own brain ill get more mileage out of looking at the big picture for now. and on the one hand hopefully i can focus more on specific instances next yom kippur, but on the other hand id like to try to avoid as many as possible in the first place.

[spotsupstuff]

Ooh, super interested in what happened to your Sun and why he went from lying to himself to becoming an apathetic brick wall lol

well! Suns was always an apathetic brick wall. because of a design flaw. Moon has already talked about this in one of the questions we've answered:

the Iterator design evolved by the process of eliminating "redundant" things, with only their capability of figuring out the Great Problem taking priority. quite literal case of putting the evolution points into a singular specialization because of outside guidance

Gen 1s are chunky and tall as they are because they physically (with their puppets) interacted with the Ancients often- either because check ups and fixing things was often required since they were the experimental Generation OR for the sake of things like school/educational trips (citizens of Gen 3s would have road trips to Gen 1s rather than visiting their own iterators). and we end up with the lanky spiky Gen 3 design thanks to this process of elimination

the official jump from Gen 1 to Gen 2 was a BIG thing. different Gen happens when a LOT of things are eliminated to the point that the base design is more cumbersome and therefore it gets revamp to fit the systems better. the jump to Gen 2 wasn't.... the smoothest one

on a physical level everything had gone absolutely swimmingly. but some dumbfuck from the big designer/engineer/programmer team fucked up n accidentally removed the One thing that ensured the Iterators could experience emotions as fully and broadly as a normal organic. and so early Gen 2s have the reputation of being incredibly dull concerning emotional matters (some were a bit spared of this when someone from the construction team on-site noticed the flaw)

this was resolved within the same Generation and pretty quickly by reverse engineering the parts of Gen 1s that made them so capable of this. NSH specifically was very influencial in this research because, for some reason nobody could ever figure out, he was more emotion capable than most of Gen 1s (this fact got boosted cuz the reverse engineering then turned into Enhancing so they could see how far they could possibly take this. NSH does the Iterator equivalent of crying when watching movies Every Time GUARANTEED)

i already have this on hand, so here's Fish (early Gen 2) and Euros (mid Gen 2) for comparison

poor bastard Seven Red Suns drew the shortest stick possible with this design flaw n has absolutely Minimal emotional understanding and capability

the Terrible thing about this is that they are Aware of this flaw of theirs and what little spark of emotion they can surrect within themselves they dedicate to either mourning or hating it. that's the subject of their depressive "pondering" in this pic

they are *trying* so hard to have emotions and feelings. they often force fake ones into their voice and it's painfully apparent cuz they always put their all into it, no subtlety about it

the pain there is faked. they know what sounding pained means to other people, so they force their voice into such form to show to Spears that they didn't mean to be so blind to its capabilities of being a feeling, comprehending creature

their ruse of charm was put in place to make themselves... well, maybe not Feel exactly but you know what i mean- to seem better, i guess. so the other Iterators would love them, so the children wouldn't be so scared of their apparent coldness, so they wouldn't hurt anyone around them because harming people will make them go away and Suns doesn't want to be lonely and Needs other people if he wants to solve the Great Problem. more heads more smarts. "look at me, i'm alright! i feel alright! i am Well! i am happy!" and if i say that to myself enough it will Have to become true

like all Gen 1 n Gen 2 Iterators could tell they were bullshitting, though. they appreciated the effort though so most of the group accepted Suns either way. Gen 3s did not recognize it so much- that's how Pebbles ended up as their mentee rather than Moon's (as he was honestly set up to be, which just made him Not Want To take Moon on as his mentor) or some other Gen 1's (Gen 3s often search for mentors cuz there's a lot of things to catch up on in the research at this point- they often go for Gen 1s cuz naturally they have the most knowledge at hand. Innocence, for example, is Nish's mentee!!! she's his shitty little student, he wants to bonk her So much for bein disrespectful to everyone and he loves her with his entire fuckin being. his lil fucklet...)

this ruse starts to slowly slip past Suns' fingers some years after the Ancients' mass ascension. the longer the searching for solution drags on the more Iterators start giving up, becoming desperate, negative, ...insane... Suns gets affected by both the time and everyone else around them. the ruse doesn't MATTER anymore, because everyone is damaged in SOME way at some point. everyone is a little or a lot broken, what is so bad about their flaws at This point- nobody gives a shit and they sure as fuck don't have the emotional power to give a singular fuck in the first place so why not... just let go of that if it isn't so required anymore...

and so they become an apathetic brick wall openly to the whole world, "shedding" their lies, prioritizing logic and goal chasing over others' feelings and importance of the present

that's how we got here in my take on RW

Suns is fucked up, man

[gentrychild]

Hi! I'm not exactly a fan of BNHA and most of my knowledge about it came from fics and your blog. Curiosity about Bakugo's "death" led me to read the last 3 chapters, and the newest one confused me. I'm hoping you could shed some light on it?

Why is it important to the heroes that Bakugo lives? To the point an older, more experienced hero is prepared to sacrifice himself to revive Bakugo? Does he have some kind of secret weapon the heroes can use? What makes him /that/ important and vital to the current crisis?

Thanks for the help. I hope you have a fabulous day! (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

I think you already know the answer to your question.

More seriously, I have waited quite a while before answering this ask because I wanted to see what the next chapters would deliver and also so I was sure not to be instantly proven wrong after unleashing a vast quantity of salt. But I don't want to wait longer so here are the usual warnings: this is going to be a salt post, this is my opinion and not some absolute truth, and I accept the risk of being disproved.

Bakugou's death and everything that happened afterwards was pointless and cheap.

I personally found Bakugou's "death" very underwhelming because, especially for such a popular character, there are far better ways to bring one incredible death scene. The manga tried to show us that he went Plus Ultra and how much he had changed but the way it was brought made it underwhelming. His death could have brought more damage to Shigaraki. Or, one could have gone in the opposite direction and shown that yes, he didn't stand a chance against ShigarAFO but put more emotion into it to show that he fought for every additional second. Or he could have "died" protecting someone, which would nicely tie-in with his character arc of learning to be a hero who saves people.

Instead, the result was lukewarm. And the fact that pretty much everyone knows he isn't really dead doesn't bother me. But the last chapters did, especially when Bakugou already got seemingly killed by ShigarAFO during the war arc (and got away with only a couple of cool scars).

But what was a "Ah! That happened! Pretty cool quirk application moment and I like the change we see in Bakugou once he is waiting in purgatory with Flame Might!" moment because a clusterfuck of epic proportion with what is done to try to bring Bakugou back.

The asspulls of all asspulls. The most "WTF" moment of the entire manga and I am saying that while fully aware that Mirio twerked in front of Shigaraki one chapter later.

Edgeshot decides to kill himself on the off chance of bringing Bakugou back to life. He intends to fold himself à la Plus Ultra to become Bakugou's new heart, performing one of the most WTF open-heart surgeries ever on the middle of the battlefield while ShigarAFO is stomping on the remaining members of the Dream team.

How does he know how to do that? Is that how one of his parents die? Why is he doing that? Because his generation failed Bakugou's so he must atone and as an adult, he must save the kid.

The sheer troll logic one must attain to decide something like that is beyond my comprehension.

Edgeshot isn't dying at the time. It's not a "At least, my death might save him" moment. No, this is a top hero, who decided that he had to die to save one kid while the Big Three are fighting for their lives. In the time it took him to pull that not-so-life-saving procedure, Miruko has now lost all of her limbs, now channeling the Dark Knight of Monthy Python but hey, at least, she is certainly doing a better job than Edgeshot at trying to stop Shigaraki from killing them all and destroying UA, which is, in case I need to remind someone, FULL OF PEOPLE WORKING TO KEEP THAT THING IN THE AIR.

To answer your question, not only was "saving" (because, again, Edgeshot doesn't even know if it will work) Bakugou detrimental to the whole operation because they sacrificed a top hero during a situation where all hands on deck were required but it might have been for absolutely nothing.

Even if Bakugou, now part jeans and part ninja, starts breathing again, no one sane of mind would expect to get back to his feet and to fight again. 

Now, I will hazard a guess as to why this so-called death was necessary. I could be wrong. But I feel that this was a desperate attempt for Bakugou’s character to have an excuse not to do anything while Izuku is fighting Shigaraki.

Because there has been kind of an elephant in the room for several arcs now.

The manga doesn’t want to outright say that by now, Izuku is stronger than Bakugou. Not just stronger, as in “in a fight, Deku would win”. I am talking about Izuku being in a league on his own by now.

Because here is the thing: you have Bakugou who is a really popular character, who rose to the rank of deuteragonist, and who is defined by two things: he never stops fighting and he never loses. And now that he is fighting the big bad (well, one of them), it’s a problem because if Bakugou wins, that means the entire hero society is incompetent, so is the villain (since he got beaten by a first year) and the MC and OFA is useless. But if he loses or just shown not to be able to keep up with ShigarAFO and Deku and has to stay on the sideline, it’s almost out of character for him because one of the things he keeps repeating to Izuku is “Don’t try to do things alone.” (The Jakku battle and the solo arc, in case you’re wondering.)

I disgress but that’s another thing the solo arc could have been useful for. Really setting up the fact that Izuku can fight with Shigaraki on his own and that he was now in a different power category than his classmates. Instead, we got the “This is the story of how we all become heroes” and the plot must now bend over backwards to justify it.

Also, there is a 75% chance that Bakugou wakes up at some point, with Edgeshot’s quirk, and helps finish ShigarAFO.

So, to answer your question, no, there was no reason for Edgeshot to kill himself over the possibility of reviving Bakugou. Bakugou and Edgeshot had no prior interaction that could justify this. And if Izuku arrived ten seconds later, this sacrifice would have been for nothing.

[myimaginarywonderland]

Dream should just not be able to participate in the next 2 or 3 MCCs.

This isn't even about him being a top player this is about him, time and time being an immature person.

Yes you are allowed to feel certain ways. No, it was the right decision. No, you can't even begin to some how try to make a metaphor comparing it to Covid.

This man is an adult that constantly has to complain about anything that could go wrong which in itself is fine even if annoying .

It's the fact that he has such a big platform with such a well, immature/naive/young audience who follows him like lap dogs and barks at everyone that comes into their way. I know that's it not a big part of the fandom but it's still bad enough that so many just blindly follow what he says.

Another player should not expect hate when he does better.

The people who are responsible for organizing the whole thing should not be getting death threats over a silly little video game competition.

And most importantly Scott should not have to expect slurs when he makes any decision regarding games when there is trouble.

You know how fucked up this is?

And Dream knows it. I am tired of pretending like Dream isn't aware of the huge big part of his audience that always seems to resurface in these moments. He's aware of what they do.

So no, there's no excuses. He knowingly said all those things aware of what his fans will do.

I am tired of pretending like he doesn't know or isn't responsible. Every time he chooses to rant on stream for a long amount of period than he chooses to accept any consequences with it.

I have watched many people have bad MCCs before (which this clearly wasn't as he still won) even with some decision they thought unfair yet there has never been any backlash expected the way it is when it's Dream.

He's an adult. He is aware of his words to choose from. He knows the behaviour that his fans often times show. He fully understands the consequences that his action can and will have.

And yet he has shown no signs of improvement, learning or even understanding what's wrong with his behaviour.

So benching him or rather deliberately excluding him from MCC is a completely acceptable option.

[ohnominamino]

An Essay on Love in Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a movie about love in all its forms. From the love of family, friends, and neighbors, to the compassion we feel for people we have never met. The movie reminds us that love is something we continuously gain, lose, and choose, again and again. Which love is greatest? In my opinion, the answer to that question is left up to interpretation. In this essay, I will give my own personal interpretation on certain character interactions and what I believe we are meant to take away from their Rebuild portrayals. 

The character I will start with is one I’ve noticed the most outrage over from people who haven’t seen the movie and read out-of-context spoilers: Kaworu Nagisa. 

Kaworu is a beloved character among many Evangelion fans, especially those who are members of the LGBT+ community. He is a canonical love interest of Shinji Ikari and I want to reassure people that this final movie does not change that fact. However, it does not make the couple blatantly endgame either. This skirting around the couple might make some fans upset, and while their feelings are completely valid, I do not think they fully understand the difficulties faced by LGBT+ people in Japan, nor do they understand the way that romance is typically conveyed in Japanese storytelling. (I recommend watching “Is ‘Yuri On Ice’ Good Gay Representation?” by James Somerton for more about storytelling nuances.) 

What have we been shown about Shinji and Kaworu’s love? The good news is, anything you read into the original TV series and End of Evangelion is completely true for the Rebuilds— because Kaworu is the same Kaworu. This movie proves Evangelion is a single universe set on repeat, and that Kaworu and Shinji meet each other every loop, and in each, Kaworu is trying to make Shinji happy. Within the final movie, Shinji becomes aware of the loops and chooses to break the cycle and free Kaworu from his pain. 

What does the relationship between Shinji and Kaworu teach us? I believe the purpose of their love is to show the audience that first, in the words of Kaji, “love has no gender.” Second, I believe Kaworu’s love in particular is a warning about basing your own happiness solely upon another person. There are parallels drawn between Gendo/Yui and Kaworu/Shinji. Gendo could not exist without Yui, and so he was willing to destroy the world to be reunited with her. For Kaworu, it was not the destruction of humanity, but the destruction of himself that defined his tragedy. What’s important within the final movie, in my opinion, is that Shinji does not reject Kaworu’s love. With the insight he’s gained from remembering past loops, he sees Kaworu’s love and appreciates him, but he also sees his suffering and wants to ease it. He helps Kaworu into a new world where he can seek his own happiness and find balance in his life (something his father did not have). 

While Kaworu and Shinji are not seen as an explicit couple at the end of the movie, it’s significant to note that, when he sets Kaworu free, Shinji holds out his hand to Kaworu as a promise to stay together. Over the course of the movie, Shinji comes to accept his connection to others through accepting touch (in the form of hand holding and hugs from Rei, Misato, and Gendo); however, Kaworu is the only character in the movie who Shinji initiates physical contact with and that speaks to how much Kaworu means to him. This simple gesture, in my opinion, keeps the door open for Kaworu and Shinji to be a couple one day, after Kaworu has found more balance in his life. 

If I were to write an entire essay about Kaworu, it would be titled, “Out of the Coffin: How the Resurrection of Kaworu Nagisa Buries the Tragic Lovers Trope” because this movie truly does just that. 

Another potential love interest for Shinji for many years was Asuka; however, unlike with Kaworu, the nature of this relationship is not left up to interpretation by the end of the movie. Before her big final battle, Asuka tells Shinji, “I think I loved you back then” (regarding their time in middle school) and Shinji, during Instrumentality, tells Asuka, “Thank you for saying you loved me. I loved you too.” It is past tense. 

What does this relationship teach us? It’s a beautiful way of showing that we can love people, and grow and learn, and let go when we no longer fit each other. Letting go is an integral part of life. Whereas other Instrumentality scenes involve touch, Asuka’s, mirroring the ending of End of Evangelion, has a distinct lack of touch. Shinji sits with his arms around his knees and Asuka turns her body away from him. He gives her his thanks and he sends her off to find her peace. Asuka and Shinji teach us that it’s okay to grow out of relationships. You can appreciate what they were to you at the time they happened and move on. 

What about Rei? To be honest with you, this movie is less about Rei’s relationship with Shinji, and more about her relationship with the world. Rei teaches movie viewers about the simple pleasures of living. While Shinji is in mourning for the first quarter of the movie, Rei (as “Sokkuri”) is learning about crop growing and community, the wonder of babies and kittens, the joy of the bath after a long day of fruitful work, and the power of words and picture books. At the end of her life, she only regrets not having more time to spend with the people she loves. In Instrumentality, Shinji accepts her hand when it is offered to him, which I hope signifies he is ready to see life as she had come to during the final movie. 

Rei teaches us that we can love living and to not take our limited time for granted. 

Next, we move on to parent figures: Gendo and Misato. I think they both represent people ill suited to the role, who do the best they can despite it. Gendo, as mentioned for Kaworu above, is a warning about defining yourself by your relationship to another person (Ikari, afterall, is Yui’s name). He is also a lesson in how people mourn and how they can lash out. Misato, like Gendo, felt herself a poor parent, and while mourning the loss of Kaji, she gave up her child to be raised by other people, but, unlike Gendo, went forward to put all her energy into protecting humanity. Both of them reach out to hug Shinji within the movie and he accepts them where they are. 

While I wouldn’t say the movie shows that Shinji forgives Gendo, it does show his making an effort to understand and make peace with what others have done. For Misato, it is fair to say we can still hope for a better future, even when it feels like everything is crumbling around us. Her self-sacrificing love for her son and the whole of humanity is what enables Shinji to then save the people he loves (via the spear of Gaius). 

In the movie, we are also shown friendship. Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke are important members of their community who maintain open communication with those around them and respect others’ boundaries. They are patient and kind and represent the importance of being present. They teach us to meet people where they are and support them how we can, whether it’s giving them a warm meal or giving them space when they need it. 

There are many more characters that could be talked about, but today I am going to end on Mari. Mari’s love is physical. She enjoys being in people’s personal bubbles. She cuddles Asuka and helps trim her hair, she gets into Gendo’s space at college, and at the end of the movie, she reaches out her hand to Shinji to help him stand up from his seat. Upon first glance, some viewers might take Mari and Shinji’s final scene to be romantic, but the reality of it is this: We do not, and cannot, know what kind of love she is meant to represent in his life.

We do not know Mari’s relationship with Shinji because they hardly interact in the movie. She clearly cares about him, but in my opinion, it comes from a place of duty and compassion— Mari was friends with Gendo and Yui. She has been there since he was born. (If we take the manga to be canon, then Mari even had romantic feelings towards his mother. Her hairstyle and glasses are from Yui. At the end of the movie, Mari has changed her hairstyle, which to me implies she has moved on, and “getting” with Shinji would be a thematic break.)

Additionally, their conversation, while flirty, is very much one that implies they haven’t seen each other for a while. Mari is someone who is very physically affectionate. With everyone. If someone ignores that and focuses on the fact she gets into Shinji’s space and claims that’s romantic, they better acknowledge it’s possibly romantic with Asuka, who we see far more intimacy with. When Mari flirts, Shinji flirts back and her initial reaction is surprise, “Wow, you’ve learned to talk back!” Her purpose is clear. She is there to remove the DSS choker from his neck. 

Personally, I love that Mari is the one to close the movie, for the exact reason that we do not know her relationship with Shinji. For Mari to have an assigned role would be to say, “This kind of love is most important,” when the entire movie was spent showing us each love is of equal importance in the balance and building of our lives. (It’s wonderful to see those types of love embodied across the platform from Shinji at the end of the movie: Rei and Kaworu, who, just like in End of Evangelion, could signify the ability to connect with others and be loved.)

If you view Mari as a romantic love interest, then I think it speaks to the value that you as an individual give to romance rather than what the characters themselves are feeling. To me, Mari, the character who was created to “destroy Eva,” is a symbol of all love. When Shinji takes her offered hand and then pulls her to run into the new world, it’s a symbol of balance. The give and take of any kind of relationship. 

We are the product of every relationship we have ever had, from our parents to the people we once loved, from our friendships to any other person we want to stay connected to. Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a story about these relationships. It is a story about love. 

[mbti-notes]

INFJ. Processing past Fe failures. Want to get better at socializing / having deeper relationships/friendships. Muddling through Ti development - desiring to get better at self-awareness + communication. A lot in my brain and it'd be a lot to share the entirety of recent exchanges that have ended up in failed relationships, so I'll try asking this and hope it's enough to get critical thinking help from you, thank you much in advance. (1/2)

[con't: I notice a pattern of me trying to communicate and express myself to be understand by, or be emotionally met by Fi users, and them responding by saying things like "I don't know what you want from me", "I don't know how to help you," "I'm sorry you feel that way" or them even saying variations of "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" (ENTJ) if I express that I feel dismissed, uncomfortable, or disrespected.

This isn't ALL Fi users thank God & I'm in therapy now to address my downplaying of my emotional needs, being willing to work through anything even though the romantic relationships I'm attracting are woefully incompatible or unhealthy. But I want to get better at doing my part to increase the chance of relationships building. What am I doing/expecting/judging in my communication with Fi users so they respond that way or has me feeling being unseen/misunderstood? Is it the basic INFJ recs?]

You point to Fi specifically. Fi doesn't require outside validation, so perhaps what you're encountering is their lack of concept of outside validation, in the manner that you're seeking it with Fe.

All of those example statements sound like they could be taken sincerely. "I don't know what you want from me" could be an opportunity for you to better explain what you need/want. "I don't know how to help you" could be an opportunity for you to provide better instructions. "I'm sorry you feel that way" could be a helpless admission that the two of you don't see things the same way. "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" could be an indication that there is a need to investigate the big gap between what was perceived and what was actually intended.

Not everyone is going to see eye-to-eye with you, not everyone is going to agree with your version of events, not everyone is going to care about your needs and feelings enough to address them kindly and patiently. This should all be okay with you unless you were walking around expecting everyone out there to have the capacity to meet you emotionally or validate your emotions (unhealthy Fe)? That's simply not gonna happen, so it's an unreasonable expectation. That's why it's so important that YOU be the first to take care of yourself and own your emotions, set proper personal boundaries, and navigate interpersonal boundaries more gracefully.

If you feel someone has violated your boundary (i.e. you feel hurt by them), the answer isn't to violate theirs in return. You're trying to fix a problem in the relationship, so further damaging the relationship isn't going to help. Whether you are right to feel hurt is not the main issue. Feelings themselves are always true and tell you something true about you. However, what you DO about the feelings isn't always right. There are two main ways people deal with negative feelings: 1) bottle them up, which amounts to self-harm, or 2) express them, which opens up the possibility of doing harm to others, if they don't have the means to process your feelings. Neither way is ideal.

If your main approach is to expect people to change (when they can't or don't want to), expect them to give you more than they are capable of giving (due to not having the means or resources), expect them to understand something that they are not really capable of understanding (when they just don't think in the same way as you), etc, your expectations are easily perceived as "demands". You're essentially pressuring people to be what you want them to be, which amounts to dishonoring them and violating their boundary. This approach is usually met with submission or resistance. If they submit to you (because they care for you), they will be unhappy for having allowed you to violate their boundary, and the problem will recur because it was only swept under the rug. If they resist you, conflict ensues, and the relationship bond will be tested and possibly threatened, especially if the conflict recurs without resolution.

There is a way to honor your feelings while also honoring others' feelings. It requires you to have good emotional intelligence and be a good communicator. Good emotional intelligence means respecting your feelings and taking full responsibility for them. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim (i.e. "you made me feel this way"), you see yourself as an agent with the power to decide what is best (i.e. "I feel this way and this is what I should do about it"). Positioning yourself as a passive or helpless victim means that you cast blame and eventually demand reparations. Positioning yourself as an active and influential agent means that you survey the situation objectively and then try to act in the best interests of everyone involved. This is what healthy and confident Fe should look like.

For example, when you feel dismissed, maybe you bottle it up for awhile, until you can't take it anymore (because the problem remains unaddressed). Then you confront people and say, "I feel dismissed". This implies that the other person has done something bad to you. You are the victim, which puts them on the spot, feeling like the bad guy, and then they can't hear you, due to becoming too preoccupied with not wanting to be the bad guy. Communication is likely to stall there, unless they have the wherewithal (emotional intelligence) to keep their focus on you and your concerns.

Instead, you could say to yourself, "I feel dismissed". You take full responsibility for your feelings and validate them for yourself. When you are good at validating your own feelings and emotions (something you admit you really struggle with), you'll eventually find that you won't need to rely on others to do it for you.

What does it mean to feel dismissed? It means that you believe you're not being taken seriously, or something to that effect. Not very difficult to understand. What to do about it? The feeling of disharmony is a message to you that you have to do more to advocate for yourself and make space for yourself within the relationship/group (it is good Fe advice). There are many ways to advocate for yourself without stepping on others. If you choose the right way, in terms of honoring everyone involved, the feeling of being dismissed will dissipate naturally. If you choose the wrong way, in terms of honoring yourself but dishonoring others, you'll encounter the problem again, because you haven't addressed the underlying problem of you positioning yourself as the victim in every relationship conflict. Chronic victim mentality is often an indication that you depend too much on outside validation of your self-worth.

Unless you are stuck in a very toxic social environment, the majority of people are not malicious for no reason. Before accusing or blaming, are you absolutely certain that they INTENDED to dismiss you? If not, wouldn't it be wise to gather more info? For instance, you could ask something like, "Have you had the time to give my idea serious consideration?" No blaming, no battling, no victim-victimizer dynamic. Do you understand how communicating without blame, through genuine inquiry, avoids trapping the both of you in a vicious cycle of seeking emotional reparations? You give people the benefit of the doubt. You give people the chance to clarify or explain. You give yourself the chance to grasp the FULL picture so that you can make a more informed decision about what to do (based on their response to your question). But this presence of mind isn't possible when you can't accept your feelings/emotions and they run wild as a result.

One common misapplication of Ti is the tendency to jump to illogical conclusions or make up illogical stories about what is motivating people's negative behavior, all the while believing that you're being completely logical. It's a destructive way to deal with negative or disharmonious feelings. Once the false narrative infects your mind, you can't help but perceive the person as attacking you, even when they're not. This misuse of Ti is a major impediment to relationship building.

The problem with victim mentality is that you are hyperfocused on your perspective only, so you only have half the picture, which means making ill-informed decisions. If you are prone to Ti loop, you need to get to the bottom of why you're so quick to position yourself in the passive position of victim. A healthy relationship should be an equal partnership based on trust, which means that you should always try to 1) give people the benefit of the doubt, and 2) gather the facts of the situation before drawing a conclusion about what they intended or what kind of character they are.

If the fact of the matter is that the person really doesn't care about your feelings, then you know not to seek validation from them, and perhaps distance from them for your own good. Don't play around in toxic or abusive relationships. If the fact of the matter is that your perception of the situation doesn't match up with what they intended to say/do, then it's up to you to straighten out the situation in your mind before proceeding.

Trust your feelings, validate your feelings, but don't act blindly on them (i.e. without fully grasping what's happening with the other person). Figure out why exactly you're feeling what you're feeling, then take it up with the person in a way that addresses the root of the problem and in a way that doesn't immediately put them on the defensive. Conflict is sometimes unavoidable, but being more skilled at communicating your concerns will certainly reduce the amount of pain required to reach a resolution.