#I am fully aware and accepting of the fact that a big is better than me

[randum-famdoms]

I hate to break it to you, but all bogs are better than anyone you can find online

he loves a bog more than me

[inbarfink]

Okay, so here’s the thing….

We are still at a very early point in the narrative of ‘Fionna and Cake’ and therefore at a very early point in Simon’s character arc. It’s pretty clear that “I need to become Ice King again” is not the end point by any meaning of the word. But I am wondering where we’re going to go with this, cause… The series has yet to really tackle how miserable Ice King himself was a lot of the time. And how often he hurt people. 

Like, yes, I was an advent advocates for 'trying to bring back Simon Petrikov was a really really Bad Idea on Betty's part, it was more healthy to focus on making sure Ice King was as happy and healthy and harmless as he could be', but I am also fully aware that he started the show being both extremely lonely and extremely sad and also a serial kidnapper who was very much a danger to those around him. And as much progress as he made during the show, getting Ice King to that point was a very serious struggle with a lot of backslidings and problems.

'Friends Forever' is, for example, an episode that stuck with me for a long time as a really heart-wrenching demonstration how even in that late stage, when he has buddies and people trying to seriously take care of him - Ice King was still very capable of seriously sabotaging his own relationships and hurting others and himself.

And it does make sense narratively that, like, characters like Astrid and Fionna and Cake, all of whom lack the full context of what Ice King's life was like (Fionna and Cake really just saw Simon at his worst and only got snippets of clips of Ice King and since Astrid was born after Humans came to Ooo that means she was also born after the events of ‘Come Along With Me’) all see Simon as a downgrade. Because they really don’t understand how bad Ice King was beforehand. 

And thus is does make sense that with Simon's current mental state, and how he is surrounded lately with these kinda people who never really knew Ice King and don’t really understand how terrible and miserable he could be, and now hearing that his ‘sanity’ just took away magic and whimsy from some else’s whole universe, and how it feels like the actual gods of the multiverse are telling him that he should be Ice King, that he's supposed to be Ice King....

It makes sense that he might start kinda... romanticizing that time in his life again. 

You know, the big thing about the outlook that Betty should’ve accepted Ice King as who he is rather than basically destroy herself to bring Simon back wasn't about whatever Ice King or Simon Petrikov were better or 'cooler' than the other. It was about, like, embracing change. Not obsessing about a past where things were ‘Better’ but seeing what is the best you can do with things as they are. Moving forwards.

And we all know how Simon feels about moving forwards right now…

And obviously that's a pretty bad mindset, even if it's understandable how he got there...

And honestly, if we do explicitly acknowledge that, hey! Ice King’s life was often just as much of a depressive spiral as Simon's is right now! There might be an element of… resignation in Simon’s decision. 

Because Simon's downward spiral since getting cured is not a demonstration that he was better off under the Ice Crown's curse.... But, to him, more a demonstration that he doesn't need the Crown to screw up his own life anymore.

‘Cause as both as Ice King and as good ol’ ‘sane’ Simon Petrikov he is just as capable of being lonely and depressed.

And just as capable of losing his own identity.

And just as capable of pushing his loved ones away and ruining his own life.

And just as capable of becoming a weirdo obsessive.

And just as capable of making little girls cry.

He even started kidnapping people again! That’s the Ice King Classic!

So on some level, maybe Simon is resigned to the fact he’s always going to be SOME sort of screwed up lonely sadman who hurts others. And if that is his fate, he might as well be the screwed up lonely sadman who is mostly oblivious to how sad he really is and can shoot ice from his fingertips. And his arc is going to be about realizing that, whether he is Ice King or Simon Petrikov, healing and change ARE always possible for him.

But we’re gonna have to see where it goes…

[ashes-goin-down]

I think Cartman hates jewish people and -Kyle- too much to be vulnerable like you've depicted. No matter what level of physical attraction he might feel.

Hi there, thanks for your comment. Unfortunately I wrote a whole-ass novel in response so here's the TL;DR so you don't actually have to read all that: I agree that the comic is OOC but I don't think it's because of Cartman's hatred of Kyle or Jewish people.

Sorry for misusing your message to go on a somewhat loosely related rant but I've been meaning to write this for a while and it came as a convenient excuse lmao _

I agree with you regarding the vulnerability. I don't think Cartman would voice his feelings like that unless (he could claim that) it's a farce (e.g., Jenny Simons, "Cartman Finds Love") or the other person shows interest in him first so he feels safe from rejection (Heidi, initially - not opening that whole can of worms rn lol). For example, he treated his attraction to Patty Nelson as a big secret, apparently not even considering ever confessing to her, and that's most likely because he was expecting the reaction she did end up giving him since, beneath his self-deceit, he's excruciatingly aware of the fact that he's actually not exactly highly regarded by his peers.

It's a lot of work upholding the façade he's build for himself of being this cool, esteemed person and it cracks easily even without direct outside influence (for example when Clyde Frog or Cupid Me insult him) so he really, really doesn't deal with rejection very well. Him being this vulnerable to Kyle specifically and then getting rejected would be absolutely catastrophic for him, so I agree that he wouldn't put himself in that position. However, it's my opinion that the most OOC thing about the comic is the fact that he simply acknowledges that Kyle hates him. I don't actually think he'd just accept that but would instead convince himself that it isn't true ("Kyle has internalized homophobia" or better yet "Kyle doesn't think he's worthy of someone as cool and awesome as me") and then do some crazy shit to try and win him over.

So yeah, you're right: He Would Not Fucking Say That. I don't think his hatred of Kyle and/or Jewish people is the reason he wouldn't, though, as I believe Cartman's feelings towards Kyle and Judaism are a lot more complicated than that. It's not without reason that his relationships with both are such a big part of the show and that people smarter than me have written whole essays on the topic lmao

I feel the need to clarify that I am in no way trying to excuse any of Cartman's antisemitism! I'd just like to voice a few thoughts on its origin and evolution.

Cartman is clearly weirdly obsessed with both Kyle and his religion and obviously they are linked. While I suppose initially it might have been a bit of a chicken-egg situation ("He hates Kyle because he hates Jews" vs. "He hates Jews because he hates Kyle"), I believe originally his antisemitism may have simply been a byproduct of his fascination with the third reich, which itself I think was mostly a result of his enjoyment of envisioning himself as a dictator (i.e. the ultimate authority figure) and as such was actually pretty surface-level - as is evident from the fact that for a long time he didn't seem to fully grasp what exactly Judaism even IS (as shown when he apologizes to Kyle for calling him a Jew or when he uses the term as an insult towards Stan and Kenny). Still, I very much dislike it when people try to downplay his bigotry as naivety. That really doesn't hold any water after very early on in the show, if it ever even did in the first place, since he definitely acts from a place of malice and over time his fixation on the religion seems to have developed into something bigger. He's learnt more about it and it became much more synonymous with Kyle for him (the order of which is also debatable but I of course lean a certain way). At this point in the show I believe it's safe to say that he wouldn't be nearly as obsessed with Judaism if Kyle wasn't Jewish. While Cartman is obviously a bigoted asshole in many ways, he's not nearly as preoccupied with other minority groups as he is with Jews and he has even shown himself to be surprisingly tolerant of homosexuals and disabled people (who, of course, were also heavily persecuted under Nazism).

I really do think that "Jewpacabra" did leave a lasting impact on his character. It's pretty obvious that he was being genuine at the end of of the episode and actually did intent on self-identifying as Jewish from then on (and iirc M&T confirmed as much in the commentary to that episode and explained that they just sort of… forgot about that lol) and then in "Shots" he does claim to be Jewish and while that may have been in an attempt to get a vaccination exemption, the aforementioned commentary makes me believe it may not exclusively be that.

Notably, he specifically calls himself an "Orthodox Jew", which Kyle obviously doesn't seem to be and that ties in nicely with him becoming a rabbi in PC and making the religion his entire personality - because it's not enough to become Jewish: He needs to beat Kyle at being Jewish.

Of course, Cartman never actually stops being antisemitic before the time skip but then "Cupid Ye" implies that that isn't even a fully conscious decision that he can completely control but instead at least partially caused by whatever he has going on mentally. He even actively attempts to counteract it when he decides that it has gone too far. That's my take on the episode, at least. Obviously the whole thing with Cupid Me is kind of messy. No matter what exactly is actually happening there, I do think the his actions here prove that his feelings regarding the matter are more complex than they may initially appear to be.

Though I know it's still a point of contention for many, to me personally it seems pretty clear that him being a rabbi and a family man in PC was authentic and that he wasn't simply messing with Kyle the entire time. However, I find it extremely interesting that Cartman converted BEFORE meeting Yentl so I actually don't see any way in which Kyle didn't have any part in that and as such I don't think he would have ever become a rabbi if Kyle didn't happen to be Jewish. So my personal headcanon is that while Cartman's conversion was indeed directly influenced by Kyle, he actually did end up finding fulfillment in the faith and it ironically helped him let go of his obsession with him (which I think fits the show's style of humor).

To summarize: As a shipper I may be biased but I think that Cartman is a disturbed little boy who grows up to be a disturbed little man who fails to fully understand his feelings towards Kyle and - as an extension of that - the Jewish faith and thus lashes out into extremes regarding it.

[saintsenara]

What I really struggle with in HP is JKR's shallow neoliberal world-building, and how it forces characters to navigate it quite awkwardly. As a big fan of the werewolf lore, I hate what she did there. I want to accept some of the self hatred and oversimplification of the society as complexities of the characters, but some of it also just feels like bad writing. Of course I am a bit of a Lupin stan and I'll do some gymnastics to try to make him a better man/werewolf than he'd ever be (I like to picture him as kind of a Union rep), but I don't know, I just really feel like canon is lacking. Am I just not a great reader?

no, i don't think you're a bad reader, anon.

when it comes to worldbuilding, jkr is certainly no tolkien - a lot of the inconsistencies in canon [i.e. why dumbledore flies to the ministry in philosopher's stone] come from her not having the world fully mapped out prior to writing, and, while this isn't as much of an issue as the fandom makes out [lots of authors adapt their worldbuilding as they go along!], it's definitely exacerbated by the fact that she has a tendency to claim certain inconsistencies were intentional.

the series' politics are also clearly incredibly neoliberal. and part of this [such as the fact that the order is defending the "sensible" status quo] is obviously a bleed-through from jkr's worldview, and i think it's legitimate to acknowledge and criticise that and how it manifests itself in the doylist text.

nonetheless, i think it is worth saying that the fandom has a tendency to criticise aspects of the text which ought instead to be understood as intentional spaces we can devote our energy to filling in. the genre conventions of the series require it to become an uncomplicated good-versus-evil trajectory which ends with all being well - and i do think that, when we're criticising jkr's writing, it's important to acknowledge that the ending of the series feels unsatisfactory because it does these conventions properly, rather than in spite of that fact. similarly, the reason that apparently key aspects of wizarding society [law, politics, etc.] don't get discussed in detail is because they're not the series' focus - i've mentioned elsewhere that i'm obsessed with the concept of wizarding medicine, and that i find the way this is presented in the series really shallow, but i recognise that this is because medicine isn't something the series wants to focus on. order of the phoenix is too long as it is - we don't need 200 more pages of detailed descriptions of how healers learn their craft...

and so i think it's fun for us to work in our own writing to make the worldbuilding feel a bit more cohesive.

the easiest way i've found to square this circle with the watsonian text is to recognise that harry is a partial narrator. he's someone with an incredibly self-serving, black-and-white moral code; he's incredibly privileged within wizarding society and comparatively privileged within muggle society [by which i don't mean that he isn't neglected by the dursleys, but he's also canonically white, able-bodied, cisgender, a native english speaker, well-educated, raised in a middle-class household and so on] and, therefore, never has to actually think about the politics and structure of wizarding society; and he's also a teenage boy, which explains him not being particularly observant or politically aware.

[the best example of this is, of course, that he doesn't give a shit about sirius' treatment of kreacher - because he likes sirius - and he doesn't consider his own mastery over kreacher to be a moral abomination - because he's shown to not really understand the broader social impact of slavery - but he detests the malfoys' treatment of dobby entirely and only because he dislikes the malfoys.]

his attitude towards lupin - and his attitude towards werewolves more generally - can be made sense of through this, i think. harry doesn't care about the broader state-sanctioned oppression of werewolves because it doesn't impact him, he cares about lupin's experience because it does; harry doesn't notice the imperialist overtones to lupin's self-presentation [that is, that he bears "the unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards"] and considers lupin's embrace of "civilisation" to be a good thing [in comparison to werewolves like greyback, who reject it] because it's what he personally considers legitimate; harry focuses on specific aspects of lupin's character because he's not a omniscient perspective - he's a [canonically short-sighted] teenage boy.

[thiefking]

i need to draw/speak more of my narutos. "my narutos" meaning specifically the versions of every character that exist in my head, of course. i wanna draw hinata and gaara (besties of all time) especially. because other than the fact that they have the most fully realized design changes in my head, they are perhaps the defining aspect of My narutos, as opposed to everyone else's. their friendship to me is like "ok i'm going out...! (wearing some extremely Please Don't Look At Me outfit)" "not dressed like that you're not." "better? (she is now gothed the fuck out with an invader zim handbag)" "yas bitch slay." this is how they work. to me

i want to draw Literally Exactly That what i just described there as a meme but i do also kind of want to write or draw sometjing more substantial because i am The Hinata And Gaara Understander. as individual characters and as a pair of besties. amd i need to explain to others why it makes perfect sense because i just Know that i am one of extremely few to look at these two, of all characters, and deduce that the character arc hinata SHOULD have had is one that would be so obvious to gaara & something he would encourage. or maybe the only one, but the fandom is/was so big that it feels statistically unlikely... if we're talking CURRENT fandom i may actually be uniquely insane about this. i don't know for sure i haven't really interacted with the fandom i've been fucking around in my own skull this whole time that's how i even arrived at "hinagaara bffs" in the first place

but like... listen. hinata's thing is basically (in an inconsistent, half-baked, and never fully realized form): "i can change to improve myself and finally meet everyone else's standards and prove them wrong...!" as she is trying to emulate naruto. ... "prove them wrong", but she is not subverting anything if she meets an expectation that was explicitly set. hinata is not naruto. naruto's expectations were that he is worthless and nothing and not worth having any expectations for in the first place, and basically all of konoha thought this way. if naruto accomplishes basically anything at all he proves someone wrong, even if just a little. hinata had expectations set on her, specifically by her family, that she is not meeting. even though what hinata WANTS to do is prove them wrong, what she is fundamentally DOING is trying to please them by doing exactly what they want her to do. yes, when they think she won't even meet their lowest expectation and she does meet it, she is TECHNICALLY proving them wrong... but she isn't really achieving meaningful personal growth by doing this, is she? all she has done is meet their standards and essentially fall into their evil ghoul trap and accept EVEN MORE PRESSURE as a "reward" because now that she finally met this one single goal, they can move the goalpost. she will only ever be the failure who occasionally surprises them, she will always be lagging behind the others, and every single time she fails she gets sent back to square 1 in their eyes. meeting all their expectations or even surpassing them entirely is always going to feel hollow and fragile, because in the back of her mind, if she slips even once she has to do it all over again. she deserves better than constant paranoia

gaara (and pretty specifically gaara) can rightfully point out the problem with hinata's current mindset because hinata's hardships are way closer to GAARA'S than naruto's, to be honest. it's not lacking a family; it's having a family that doesn't feel like a family, and that family isolating one child and encouraging the others to treat them like shit so that one child never has anyone on their own level when they're at home and they are constantly forced to be aware they lack some ambiguous something that seemingly everyone else has that would make them "worthy" of being loved by their own family

hold on let me put yhe rest under a readmore this post is long as fuck

the hyuugas treat hinata like shit and call her weak, and because her parents gladly and openly call her weak and because she's supposed to be heiress to the clan, her sister and neji (the only family who were close enough in age and rank to not intimidate) were made to hate her, think she is weak, be jealous of and resent her for being heiress despite her weakness, and treat her like shit like the other hyuugas do, thus completely isolating her within her family. and rasa treated gaara like shit and had given up on him LONG before he snapped (let's be fucking real here if gaara had to learn that "love" makes emotional pain feel better at age SIX... and not to mention the entire yashamaru """plan""" was utterly and blatantly fucking NONSENSE on all levels like nice going rasa you just turned your kid almost irreversibly insane... seemingly on purpose...? i can only assume it was on purpose and you just wanted to be a spiteful bitch to the kid who killed your wife because literally what else did you think was going to happen with that but that's a rant for another time.), he tacitly encouraged temari and kankuro to not even bother with gaara and to be afraid of him like everyone else is because RASA was also OBVIOUSLY SCARED and not only that he was constantly literally trying to murder gaara so temari and kankuro also had reason to believe from a very young age that associating with him might make rasa treat THEM like that too, essentially forced gaara to straight up kill his uncle who was the ONLY family member he had who talks to him like he isn't a monster (and inexplicably decided that he should also tell gaara outright that he is not and was never loved by anyone), etc etc etc; gaara was also isolated within his own family and made to be the odd one out, over and over again. naruto knows what it's like not having a family at all, but he never experienced having family— non-metaphorical, blood relation, "entire reason you were born" family— who hates you. naruto knows how it feels to be neglected and feared by an entire village, that's how he relates to gaara. hinata was hated by her own family, the people she depended on for life itself, but she was never hated by the village at large, even if she perceives herself to be. naruto can empathize with this and put himself in her shoes, but like... gaara KNOWS, firsthand, what hinata is experiencing. that is why gaara is fairly uniquely capable of pointing out the problem Very Directly because he would see it way faster than anyone else

naruto could see it too, and he could say all the same things, but he wouldn't do it how gaara would. and i think hinata needs to hear someone speak to her, bluntly and authoritatively, and say "you deserve better than this." because normally whenever she hears someone (her own family) speak to her bluntly in an authoritative tone they're telling her she's weak and pathetic and subpar and needs to improve, and every time she is spoken to like that she believes them and marks that weakness off as something to fix. hearing incredibly matter-of-fact validation and encouragement spoken the exact same way primes her to believe that encouragement, and now her compulsive need to please people who speak to her that way is going to force her, even fleetingly, to take it seriously. especially because gaara would tell her something she is doing wrong, which will feel familiar, but he actually has HER best interests in mind. there is no benefit or advantage for him if she succeeds. he is unaffiliated, not even from konoha, he gains nothing from it. gaara doesn't tell her to try harder nor to give up and accept mediocrity. gaara tells her it's okay to give up and try something else, and sometimes it's the people around you who are the ones who need to change, not you.

gaara looks at "i will change myself to prove myself to others", and he says instead: "you need to stop caring what other people think about you and stop morphing yourself to their perception. just because YOU aren't doing that in a 'if you all want to call me a monster then fine, i'll be a monster' kind of way, like i did, that doesn't mean that isn't still an unhealthy way to think. you should figure out who YOU are and live as who YOU are, unapologetically, until they get the point that they can either accept you as you are and realize they were wrong, or they can fuck off. this is a situation where it is Not Your Fucking Problem that other people are disappointed with you especially because of how hard you've already been working to try and meet their arbitrary standards. this isn't about talent or hard work. this is about whether you even Want to be doing what everyone else wants you to do. and it is difficult and terrifying and lonely to be the only person who knows who you really are. it is hard work to figure it out and it is hard work to convince others, and at times it will feel hopeless. so i won't let you be the alone. i won't let you have to try and fail all alone, like i did. i will be your first victory, i will give you listening ears, i will be your silent dressing room mirror while you try on different hats before you figure out which one fits, i will be here and i will not judge you or decide on your behalf who you are, and i will be your family if no one else will. literally. if they cast you out you can come home to me. temari and kankuro have already accepted me as i am, i'm sure they'll accept you as you are too"

and then with time and gentle coaxing hinata decides to stop trying to be what her family wanted her to be and starts being a goth weirdgirl and pursues her interests in mycology and psychology and entomology and starts fucking THRIVING

i could go on forever. i should stop now or i never will. some of the parallels between them or the reasons that gaara would specifically want to support her in the specific ways i envision came about entirely from headcanon (coughs. even more headcanon than... the rest of this... coughs) and i FORGET that it's headcanon. for example "gaara created his good reputation in sunagakure through brute force good deeds. like people were so scared of him that they wouldn't let him CASUALLY prove that he was trying to be better, so he basically had to scare them even more just to prove that he was no longer scary. things like using his sand to hold people in place... so that he can physically put money into their hands and say 'this is yours and you will take it and use it to pay rent and buy your child that toy he wants. i do not want anytjing in return and i will be leaving you alone now.' because otherwise people would run away before he even gets the chance to be nice. literally just has to hold them still and pointedly do something nice for them and then let them go without hurting them while they tremble in misplaced terror like he;s a wildlife vet wrangling an injured seagull". this is part of why he would say "be unapologetically you and they can accept that and realize they were wrong about you to begin with, or they can fuck off". NONE OF THAT is explicitly canon... but there is so much & it makes perfect sense to me. aauuugaghh hinata my hinata my hinagaara besties my hinata. i could go on and on and on and on. goddammit I WILL GIVE HER THE CHARACTER ARC SHE NEEDS & DESERVES... GIVE HER TO ME KISHIMOTO.... WHAT IF THE FACT THAT HINATA HAS 3 PERSONALITY TRAITS IN CANON ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING AND WASN'T JUST BECAUSE YOU, MASASHI KISHIMOTO, SELF-ADMITTEDLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE WOMEN? WOULDN'T THAT BE SO MUCH LESS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU? I CAN MAKE IT REAL! I CAN MAKE IT MEANINGFUL!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT REPRESSION!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT WORKING HARD TO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, AND SAYING "SCREW YOU" TO PEOPLE WHO TRY AND DECIDE WHO YOU ARE ON YOUR BEHALF, AND THE REJECTION OF THE STATUS QUO, AND EMBRACING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT AND MAKING USE WHAT UNIQUE STRENGTHS YOU HAVE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MATCH WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, AND HOW HUMAN LIVES ARE INHERENTLY VALUABLE EVEN IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU SAYS YOURS IS WORTH NOTHING!!! JUST LIKE WHAT NARUTO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! I CAN EVEN SPICE IT UP A BIT AND USE MY MAGICAL WOMAN-UNDERSTANDING POWERS TO MAKE IT ABOUT HOW WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY JUST REGULAR PEOPLE WHO ARE AS VARIED AS MEN AND HOW THE SOCIETAL CONCEPTS OF WOMANHOOD AND PROPER WOMANLY BEHAVIOUR ARE RESTRICTIVE AND OPPRESSIVE, AND THE MANY WAYS THAT SOCIETY WILL FORCE TOTAL CONFORMITY AND PUNISH EVERYONE WHO STEPS OUTSIDE OF THAT FRAME (AND EVEN THOSE WHO REMAIN WITHIN)!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY!!!! I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID OF GIRLS MR KISHIMOTO WILL IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IF I ALSO MAKE IT ABOUT NEJI WATCHING HINATA COMPLETELY REJECT HER CAGE AND DISCOVER HERSELF AND HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT AND MAYBE JUST COVER YOUR EARS WHEN I START TALKING ABOUT EGGS!!!!!! MR KISHIMOTOOOOOO PLEEEEEEEASE

[spotsupstuff]

Ooh, super interested in what happened to your Sun and why he went from lying to himself to becoming an apathetic brick wall lol

well! Suns was always an apathetic brick wall. because of a design flaw. Moon has already talked about this in one of the questions we've answered:

the Iterator design evolved by the process of eliminating "redundant" things, with only their capability of figuring out the Great Problem taking priority. quite literal case of putting the evolution points into a singular specialization because of outside guidance

Gen 1s are chunky and tall as they are because they physically (with their puppets) interacted with the Ancients often- either because check ups and fixing things was often required since they were the experimental Generation OR for the sake of things like school/educational trips (citizens of Gen 3s would have road trips to Gen 1s rather than visiting their own iterators). and we end up with the lanky spiky Gen 3 design thanks to this process of elimination

the official jump from Gen 1 to Gen 2 was a BIG thing. different Gen happens when a LOT of things are eliminated to the point that the base design is more cumbersome and therefore it gets revamp to fit the systems better. the jump to Gen 2 wasn't.... the smoothest one

on a physical level everything had gone absolutely swimmingly. but some dumbfuck from the big designer/engineer/programmer team fucked up n accidentally removed the One thing that ensured the Iterators could experience emotions as fully and broadly as a normal organic. and so early Gen 2s have the reputation of being incredibly dull concerning emotional matters (some were a bit spared of this when someone from the construction team on-site noticed the flaw)

this was resolved within the same Generation and pretty quickly by reverse engineering the parts of Gen 1s that made them so capable of this. NSH specifically was very influencial in this research because, for some reason nobody could ever figure out, he was more emotion capable than most of Gen 1s (this fact got boosted cuz the reverse engineering then turned into Enhancing so they could see how far they could possibly take this. NSH does the Iterator equivalent of crying when watching movies Every Time GUARANTEED)

i already have this on hand, so here's Fish (early Gen 2) and Euros (mid Gen 2) for comparison

poor bastard Seven Red Suns drew the shortest stick possible with this design flaw n has absolutely Minimal emotional understanding and capability

the Terrible thing about this is that they are Aware of this flaw of theirs and what little spark of emotion they can surrect within themselves they dedicate to either mourning or hating it. that's the subject of their depressive "pondering" in this pic

they are *trying* so hard to have emotions and feelings. they often force fake ones into their voice and it's painfully apparent cuz they always put their all into it, no subtlety about it

the pain there is faked. they know what sounding pained means to other people, so they force their voice into such form to show to Spears that they didn't mean to be so blind to its capabilities of being a feeling, comprehending creature

their ruse of charm was put in place to make themselves... well, maybe not Feel exactly but you know what i mean- to seem better, i guess. so the other Iterators would love them, so the children wouldn't be so scared of their apparent coldness, so they wouldn't hurt anyone around them because harming people will make them go away and Suns doesn't want to be lonely and Needs other people if he wants to solve the Great Problem. more heads more smarts. "look at me, i'm alright! i feel alright! i am Well! i am happy!" and if i say that to myself enough it will Have to become true

like all Gen 1 n Gen 2 Iterators could tell they were bullshitting, though. they appreciated the effort though so most of the group accepted Suns either way. Gen 3s did not recognize it so much- that's how Pebbles ended up as their mentee rather than Moon's (as he was honestly set up to be, which just made him Not Want To take Moon on as his mentor) or some other Gen 1's (Gen 3s often search for mentors cuz there's a lot of things to catch up on in the research at this point- they often go for Gen 1s cuz naturally they have the most knowledge at hand. Innocence, for example, is Nish's mentee!!! she's his shitty little student, he wants to bonk her So much for bein disrespectful to everyone and he loves her with his entire fuckin being. his lil fucklet...)

this ruse starts to slowly slip past Suns' fingers some years after the Ancients' mass ascension. the longer the searching for solution drags on the more Iterators start giving up, becoming desperate, negative, ...insane... Suns gets affected by both the time and everyone else around them. the ruse doesn't MATTER anymore, because everyone is damaged in SOME way at some point. everyone is a little or a lot broken, what is so bad about their flaws at This point- nobody gives a shit and they sure as fuck don't have the emotional power to give a singular fuck in the first place so why not... just let go of that if it isn't so required anymore...

and so they become an apathetic brick wall openly to the whole world, "shedding" their lies, prioritizing logic and goal chasing over others' feelings and importance of the present

that's how we got here in my take on RW

Suns is fucked up, man

[gamerbearmira]

Mama Isa

I was rereading the first few chapters of Mama Isa on AO3, and it really made me think about the way both Isabella and Alma view themselves and their actions, they both do things "for their family" Isabella takes her kids and leaves so they wouldn't be mistreated, and Alma considers her actions of pressuring the family and serving the community as ensuring that the miracle that protects them stays strong, they are both doing extreme things in order to protect their loved ones, the big difference is Alma didn't realize she was going overboard and actually hurting her family, while Isabella is very much aware of how hard leaving the Encanto was on the others and knows her actions, even if they were necessary, were extreme. It's really interesting to compare the two in this AU, I'd love to see a confrontation between just the two of them, where these similar motivations but different ideas and actions really clash, I would imagine it would go similarly to the argument Abuela had with Agustin in canon, "you need to come home Isabella, think of the family!" "I am! That's exactly why I took them and left! I was thinking of them and their happiness!"

YOU REREAD…I’M SOBBING…THANK YOU???? 😭

Anyway yes. Both definitely are extreme. But like you said, Isabela is fully aware. That’s actually why she said that if they really wanted to, they could stay (of course, Isabela still would’ve taken up the raising them role). She knows how much it can and will affect them, and that’s why she tries to be the best moral support, even years after the fact.

Alma actually does find out where they went. She has gone to them on three separate occasions, and each time it basically turned into a screaming match, all of which Isabela won. Alma believes she knows better, and that what she’s doing is right. She first tries to convince Isabela (and probably herself, let’s be real) that if they come home, it will be way better than the life that Isabela (and Dolores) has worked so hard to build for them.

—————

“Alma, you need to go home,” Isabela said, a cactus popping up as she seethed at Alma. Why she had come back, again, was baffling.

“Isabela, you need to come home. Your family misses you, you can’t keep doing this!” Alma pleaded, though her patience was wearing then. Isabela whipped around, her eyes boring into Alma.

“Doing what? Keeping my family safe? My actual family? Because as far as I’m concerned, they,” Isabela gestured to Casita, where she knew the rest of the family had been called to by Dolores, and probably Mariano. “Are my only family. You are no family of mine. The only abuela I have is Abuela Guzmán.”

Alma clenched her jaw, her eyes widening. This wasn’t the first time Isabela had argued with her, had done this whole thing. And it wouldn’t be the last, not until she got the magic and her family back. “Isabela, this whole life you’ve made up? It isn’t real! None of this is good for you, you are poisoning them-“

“Poisoning them? Seriously? You are the one who poisoned our minds for years. Because of my decision to take my family and leave. And this “life” is not made up! It is fpvery real, and whether you accept it or not, I’m not leaving, you aren’t taking anyone from me!” Isabela yelled, stomping her foot. T more cacti sprouted and tangled vines appeared. Townspeople we’re gathering, looking upon Alma with distaste, whispering about her.

“You need to come home, Isabela, think of the family!” Alma yelled back. She had to make Isabela see. See that she needed to come home.

“I am! That’s exactly why I took them and left! I was think of them and their happiness!” Isabela said, getting in Alma’ face. “Unlike you, I put my family before a stupid candle!”

—————

Oop 🤕 the beef is REAL

Random art lol

[ihardlyknowher3139]

I feel like for a while now I’ve had this weird sinking feeling

So I’m finally an adult. That was fun.

Weirdly enough I’m not bummed about my birthday not being anything special this year. Weirdly the real thing that bummed me out was feeling like there’s a possibility that I was right about this sinking feeling I’ve been having and I don’t know how to feel.

To the void thats reading this… if you have read my other diary posts you might be aware of the fact that about a year or 2 ago I had this falling out with a best friend of mine. Eventually I decided to reach out and maybe set things right. We started talking again and to some extent realized that the whole situation was dumb and we both could’ve handled it better. And now we’re at a point where we both consider each other best friends again.

For a while things felt… good and back to normal in a way. And then college started and at some point I started having this weird feeling.

Another thing to add, when we became friends again, his friends were not fully aware of it at the time. Mostly because after we stopped talking ofc he talked about it to his other friends and expressed his sadness and his emotions about feeling like he wasn’t the kinda person I said he was and feeling like he’d been perceived differently than who he actually was. Ofc after hearing so much about it they’d be weary of the idea of us rekindling our friendship again. And thats justified, I’d probably react the same way.

Another thing to add is that a lot of this sinking feeling I’ve had and am gonna explain is based on the observation of my friend’s instagram profile. Which I know social media doesn’t reflect everything, but I also believe the way somebody posts and especially who they include in their posts may say something about how they feel about the people around them.

I started noticing something, most of the people that kept up with him through Instagram, would never notice that we became friends again unless they noticed that we followed each other again. (Or the fact that I’ll sometimes comment on his posts.)

Also one more thing to add (I am so sorry) so, he has 3 different instagram accounts, 2 for just pictures of him and one private account which posts more about friends and has more candid images. I noticed that the private account does not actually follow me. Maybe it’s a coincidence or a mistake but it’s weird cuz I JUST noticed. But yea remember this third account.

On his private account he posts more stuff related to his daily stuff, like if he goes out and hangs out somewhere with his friends he will post a picture with them. I started noticing that he would never post anything related to me, as if we never even started talking again. But not like we took a lot of pictures together…… or not like he prompted to take those pictures anyway…

I assumed that maybe he only takes and posts group pictures, thats not the case either, he’s posted pictures with just one other person before. The last time I ever appeared on his profile was more than a year ago, much before the big fallout between us.

And ofc at first his friends had no clue about us being friends again and they were maybe sometimes protective or defensive about the idea but like in a month it’s gonna be a year since we started talking again. And at best we considered eachother best friends again. It wouldn’t be so foreign for his friends to accept that things changed and we worked things out, what was stopping him to even acknowledge that?

I know that sounds entitled, I’m well aware, but I don’t think I would feel this if he hadn’t set this standard already. It’s not like he avoided posting his friends.

At some point I had this feeling at the back of my mind that he was embarrassed to admit being my best friend to other people. But I brushed it off cuz no way right?

Every time somebody he knew’s birthday came, he’d post little happy birthday stories about them. My birthday came along, I’m his best friend, he’d have something to post on his stories or something to say right? Surely he wouldn’t just message me and wish me there and thats it right?

That was kinda it tho. He messaged me happy birthday and that was it… we hung out together for the day too and part of it was fun, at the start atleast, eventually things got quieter, we got to this one recurring stage throughout most of our hangouts where somebody would call him and he’d just talk to that person on the phone for like a good 15 minutes while I sit there saying nothing, we walked for sometime and then there was some silence and he started texting somebody else, by the end of the hangout he was already talking to somebody to go hang out with them after me. And like for some reason I believe that he is embarrassed to be my friend… And for some reason the lack of the birthday story somehow made me feel like I might be right. I know I sound so stupid and probably sound a little bit entitled but like idk it’s just, sometimes you expect more…

It’s so weird cuz it really is bothering me but I don’t wanna do anything about it or like confront that part of my emotions to him. I don’t wanna feel like the reason we stop talking again.

Part of me hopes that maybe if I’m right he’ll slowly just forget about me and I’d probably still be sad but atleast I wouldn’t feel like I took a step too quickly or I made a wrong assumption again. I just kinda wish I didn’t have a reason to think that my gut feeling may have been correct.

[mainfaggot]

aug. 20th '24

Good evening oomfs,

It is 6:11 pm as i begin to write this journal entry—i spent the last 6 hours outside of my house. i bussed, walked, sat at a coffee shop, had a nice meal with a friend at said coffee shop, walked on the beach with this friend, sat on a big rock by the river with them, listened to music as we sat, then returned to the shop to order a cold brew, and i am now on my way home. my face is warm from both fatigue and the rush of caffeine that is attempting to revive my spirits.

So far in the day, i have experienced various emotions. there have been moments of static emptiness, familiar melancholy, mild anxiety as well as some prominent feelings of casual contentment in spite of everything that swims within. #deep (sorry cannot take myself seriously sometimes...) Anyway.

While bussing to meet my friend, i realised i was alone with my thoughts without any distractions; the music blaring in my headphones was only a reminder of my internal monologue, and the anxiety of being in a public space fed into my emotional state rather than taking away from it. i was yet again immersed in a well known masquerade—pretending to be calm, cool, collected while internally fearing the eye of the Other and objectifying myself through it. truly, what a pretentious way of saying that i was on edge because i feared judgement from others due to coming to hasty conclusions on my own (by assigning meaning to every little gesture and facial expression). i think it was ridiculous that i was trying to be something i did not feel i was, and i think the cracks in my performance were becoming obvious. i have always had a frighteningly expressive disposition along with difficulty maintaining an unaffected appearance (much to my mother's chagrin... "when you look so obviously upset in public i cannot stand to be seen with you!"). i was deflating like a balloon on public transport: a twenty year old Nothing dressed up in their best slacks, staring out the window wondering what the damn point of it all was, while trying not to feel too upset by feeling so very phony (fucking holden caulfield got me... ugh).

Conversation was clunky at first: i hadn't seen this particular friend in around 15 months. yes, i was counting.

She kind of snuck up on me back in high school... if i allow myself room to be a little more cliché, i could even say that it was fate in itself disguised as a surprise. i noticed her on the first day (?) of grade nine. she invited me to eat lunch with her since she already had a group of friends from middle school attending our high school, whereas i knew absolutely no one. i lost her in the hallway traffic. i ended up sitting with a handsome twelfth grade boy and his good-looking friends who took pity on my tragic freshman self. i was kind of awestruck by two things: her outgoing personality and the nice seniors with pretty faces. fast forward a couple years, a few of her friends were my friends, but the two of us were not close at all. at this point, i knew of her and thought she was incredibly intelligent and kind (she goes to Yale now by the way, and she's on her pathway to law school...!). however, i had no interest in becoming friends with her because i already had three people that i considered close enough. by the start of junior year, we were talking and getting to know each other better. by the end of junior year, we texted and called frequently. i was close friends with her and her friends. it was weird because from age 16 onward, i felt weirdly distant from her. perhaps it was that she was on student council, the head of the debate team, acting in musical productions, and dancing outside of school all while managing a 90% average that intimidated me. eventually, her acceptance into Yale sort of reinforced the thought in my head that i was a stray cat she picked off the street to play with for a short while before moving on to bigger, better things. i was insecure and fully aware of this fact, but i was never jealous. i knew she deserved everything that she worked for and i admired her deeply. i think i just hated myself for being so Nothing next to her, and i believe i couldn't even begin to understand what she saw in me to keep me within her inner circle. i just didn't understand why i was chosen to take up that position. i should've appreciated it more though because then she left for Yale, and then she took a break from school and left for England, and then i was on my own and no longer special to anyone for a long time. she has always been an honest and genuine person, and i was always insecure. im not exactly like that anymore, although i do feel weird about her liking me enough to keep me around. i don't really know what i have to offer to anyone as a friend, but im grateful that she thinks im worth staying in contact with. it's true that she was too busy to text or call for months on end at one point, but i assume that that was the result of working 60 hours a week as a 20 year old paralegal in a different country, in a different time zone, all while living alone. i don't blame her for that period of time. who am i to do so, anyway?

Back to the present, we discussed school and third year plans, we talked about masters degrees and settling in different countries in our twenties, and we talked about music and books. she's such a consistent person... even when she changes, it's like she's simply evolving into a better or more experienced version of herself. she's not like other people i went to high school with, people who did a 180° once university started. maybe im idealising her excessively... i never really viewed myself as her equal in the first place (probably a bit of a problem... self esteem issues chronic clinical depression blah blah we know). it was nice to see her. ultimately, it was nice despite everything. i was afraid of meeting, i was afraid of talking about my emotions and constantly fluctuating mental disorders, i was afraid of feeling detached as i do in general, but we settled into each other's space without too much difficulty and we barely touched the subject of my mental well-being. i also only felt detached half of the time, so there's that.

Side note: my face is so fucking warm right now... also it's 7:23 right now because I got sidetracked while writing this. i forgot to hit send post at 6:30 when i initially thought i was done writing (because i was chatting with my younger sister), and when i returned to my phone, i realised i wanted to write some more. now look at the time!

Yours truly,

zay mainfaggot

p.s. songs of the evening below <3

[notmoreflippingelves]

Esteban, Victor, and Shuriki for the bingo?

Esteban, my beloved <3

Unsurprisingly a double-bingo for the blorbo. Clarification for a few of the points.

I am mainly being hyperbolic when I say Esteban has never done anything wrong in his life. I am fully aware that he has done some very bad things. However, I still maintain that he has still done less wrong than the narrative thinks he has and that he had already been more than punished enough by the time his actions come to light. 40+ years of isolation, a guilty conscience exacerbated by survivor's guilt and the responsibility of being the only thing standing between your country and a ruthless tyrant. Adding to that the fact Esteban was at most 18--frightfully naive, very scared and lonely and extremely young--when he made the worst mistake a person can make and had to live with the consequences for decades. Yeah, he was definitely punished enough long before Elena banished him.

I am also being a bit hyperbolic when I say that "no one understands Esteban but me." There are actually a bunch of people in the fandom who understand him pretty well, though overall, there are even more who don't understand him or who misinterpret crucial aspects of his character. A big thing for me is that there's a lack of recognition that a lot of Esteban's supposed "arrogance" is a facade and defense mechanism. He hates himself far more than he loves himself--and a lot of fans seem to miss that. On a much smaller note, when "Wizard School House" headcanons were still socially acceptable to make, I notice that Esteban was consistently placed in the "snake" house, supposedly because he is cunning and ambitious. However, this has never seemed right to me. He's never really sought power in and of itself, but more as a means of self-protection and/or because he feels it's what he's "supposed" to want/ a decent enough alternative if he can't have what he really wants (love and belonging). This sets him apart from Shuriki, Paloma, and the Delgados--who I see as more "natural" Slyther*ns, since the power in and of itself is what they seek. Imo, there's a decent case to be made for Esteban in any of the other houses, but I'd put my money on the "bird" house personally.

"Suck" is wayyyyy too strong a word, but Esteban/Paloma is by-far the most popular ship for Esteban in the fandom, and I don't much care for it.

When I say that Esteban is done dirty by the creators, has wasted potential, and has not enough screen time, I am primarily talking about the "Shuriki Returns" arc in S2 as well as a general lack of exploration as to the impact that the Dark Times™ had on Esteban. Now I fully understand why this is the case. For better and for worse, Elena of Avalor is a kid's show, and therefore, it is difficult to fully-present a character's decades of untreated PTSD in a way that is both appropriate and comprehensible for the eight-year olds watching. That being said, there was still much more that could and should've been done with Esteban especially during the Shuriki returns arc. They could've had Esteban speak more in a somewhat vague sense about how he has personal knowledge of just how dangerous Shuriki is and that he can't allow his familia anywhere near her. Or there could've been a moment where someone checks in on Esteban and lets him know that they are aware of how hard this must be for him and that he isn't in this alone anymore. But instead, we got next to nothing during a part of the show which should've been just as emotional and meaningful to Esteban's development as it was for Elena.

My opinions about Esteban that would likely cause concern for most of the fandom are primarily in reference to some of the people that I ship him with and/or some of my darker headcanons about what exactly the Dark Times™ might have entailed for him.

Victor

In terms of wasted potential and not getting enough screentime, I think Victor and Carla should've joined Team Avalor midway through S3 as opposed to only a few episodes from the end. I also think Elena, Esteban, and Victor's characters would've all benefitted from another flashback episode set just before Shuriki's initial invasion and allowing us to get a better handle on the characters, their relationships, and their states of mind just before their lives were irrevocably change. It's also a bit of an overstatement to say that I "don't think about Victor much." The truth is that I don't think about Victor as an individual entity much (especially in comparison to some of the other characters), but I do think about his relationships with and to other characters (especially Esteban, Carla, and Elena) a good amount--and these are the specific "dynamics" in question that I particularly enjoy Victor as part of and of which I wish that I could see more. I am also aware that Victor/Paloma never interacted in canon, but the potential (shippy or otherwise) of their interactions lives in my head rent-free. Yet another reason that we were robbed of the Delgados getting redeemed earlier in S3.

Shuriki

I'm a bit conflicted regarding Shuriki. I actually mostly like the way that she is utilized in the work as is. I actively don't want her to get more complexity/a sympathetic backstory the way that some others do. She works best as an ominious, omnipotent presence haunting the characters and the narrative (Esteban and Elena in particular). That being said, I do think that the Shuriki returns arc was shorter than it needed to be and that crucial aspects were missing from it. (As I had already mentioned, we were owed more Shuriki & Esteban interaction post-Secret of Avalor. We also should've seen more about how her return impacted the characters other than Elena herself.) I also think that during parts of the return arc, she was taken a bit less seriously than warranted. It became harder to view her as intimidating, insensate evil when she's complaining that her cringefail minions Victor and Carla just burst into song.

[xxx-theartofsuicide-xxx]

hi, i just wanted to send this as a way to clear my conscience. you don’t owe a response and certainly not any sort of absolution (not that i have to tell you that, lol).

i was in your server a long while back, i think i was around 15-16ish. i was even more spastic than i am today, and trying to compromise the repugnancy of proshipping that had been drilled into my head with the fact that i liked everything i’d been told not to. it was very token anti-type cognitive dissonance. i’m almost certain i sent you hate mail (i know i definitely typed it up)— if i did, i can’t recall exactly what i said, but i’m sure it’s exactly as choleric and unscrupulous as you can imagine a fat asocial loser being lmao.

anyway, to cut a long and very predictable story short, i want to apologize for sending you all that garbage, and generally being a two-faced bitch. in a twist nobody could ever suspect, i was just envious of how confident and unabashed you were. i was embarrassed about my own shipping tastes and took it out on someone who wasn’t. i know that you eat anons like this for breakfast and are already fully aware of that fact, but i feel the need to say so anyway. i was a jealous cunt.

in spite of my own douchiness, though, you genuinely helped me come around to accepting my own desires, feelings and code of ethics. your server provided a sense of competence and neutrality, i loved making art without the need to be “unproblematic.” i want to thank you for that, alongside the apology. you’re confident, and open, and successful. you helped encourage me to make and seek art that i enjoyed, and not what was palatable to the fucking internet of all places. i’m still trying to be (and look) better, and i hope that one day i can love myself like you do.

Hurt people hurt people. It's okay, I forgive you, and I'm proud of your growth. Thank you for being brave enough to own your past. It's very big of you. Some people go their entire lives without ever becoming self-aware. Go forth knowing that I don't bear you any ill will, I only grew from my experiences with antis, and you can repay me by being kinder to yourself which will have a rippling effect of making you a kinder person for others.

[seiwas]

hello!! i just devoured col and i adore the way you write gojo in it 🥺 i was wondering if you had any specific song you’re particularly fond of that inspired (or just makes you think) of that series??

augustine!!! 🥹🥺 omg that is such a compliment coming from you!!! i am so giddy rn!!! ❣️ thank you so much for taking the time to read it and for leaving such lovely things about it in your tags 😭

i am also so so happy that you asked this question!! bc i have a whole playlist!! 🫣

i'll put it under the cut bc i put some links n lyrics + explanations ! i'm sorry in advance augustine 😭😭 playlist making is part of my writing ritual 😭😭

for 'do you believe in love?':

ozone - chase atlantic "i wish i was more of a man oh, no, you don't understand i neglected you again"

the meaning of the entire song doesn't exactly fit but those lines kind of capture gojo's stance on love when he tells reader 'not for me'! i think he's really aware that it's just not something he can give at that point in time even if he wants to 🥹

.

for 'tell me about love (show me how)':

turn to you - the careful ones "'cause i will always love you and i will always want to give you a reason in me to hold on to"

this song is my ultimate comfort song ☹️ i see this as coming from reader's perspective more than gojo's! it speaks a lot to the enduring love reader has for him, especially since they've known each other for so long and the feelings have always been there, growing.

in a lot of ways, i tried to make reader embody all the good, all the hope, all the kindness and purity that gojo doesn't think he can have (idk if that makes sense) but deep down really believes in. and it's important that reader embodies these things because it balances gojo out and grounds him in a way.

have you ever been in love? - the ivy "i never wanna do this alone have you ever been in love? 'cause i don't think i have, i don't think i have."

this one inspires the confrontation scene (when gojo says 'show me how') & the second half of tmal! represents when gojo makes baby steps towards all this love stuff and when he realises that he really doesn't know anything about it 😭 (and is kinda scared bc of that).

devotion - emotional oranges "and i'm ok with i'll be patient just take as much time as you need no more pain from my past to hold on to me & you we're so connected, you affect me"

this one splits into reader's perspective (first chunk of the lyrics) and gojo's (second chunk), and is pretty self-explanatory! throughout the entire tmal, reader's really given him all the space and time he needs and as a product of that i think it does something to gojo that helps him warm up to everything much faster, more organically (because there's no pressure or anyth!).

.

for conversations on love #3 (coming soon, title tba!):

yours - maye "and maybe i'll surrender 'cause loving you is better it's not worth it to fight it i'm giving up"

lots of lovey stuff!! the entire song really reminds me of them honestly, especially for a stage in their relationship when gojo's accepted all the feelings fully and grows into all of it in his own way!!

sanctuary - joji

this one's mostly here to convey feelings of ~safety and ~peace that make up a very big chunk of col gojo and reader's relationship! if anything, it's probably the foundation of why they work 😭

bloom - the paper kites "oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness and you fill my head with you"

this song is my ultimate falling in love song AAAH and i love the allusion to sweetness too (bc i love playing around with the fact that gojo has a sweet tooth!). this song is very much gojo in love!!

sugar - alayna "woke up in paradise found myself in your eyes baby i think we made it, we made it we were loving in lowercase but now we're seeing better days you're the sugar that my body craves (mm, mm) you're the reason i don't go insane i'm realizing more everyday i really need you and that's okay (mm, mm)"

another one that shows gojo very much in love!! (and alludes to sweetness again!!) except this is a lot deeper 😳 and more intense 😳 gojo getting really serious in his feelings!! the lyrics here inspire some scenes in col #3 so the song might make more sense when the fic comes out hehe.

tú - maye

more for the ~very loved up kinda whipped~ vibe hehe the song is in spanish and i searched the eng translation and think it conveys the same thing too! but the sound itself is really sweet and captures what i think it would feel like in that stage of their relationship! even tho i've written col gojo as primarily shy and hesitant when it comes to love, i do think that when he warms up there's no stopping him 😭

slumber - lewis watson, lucy rose "only you who can calm the thunders only you who can steal the colors oh"

this one inspires one of the scenes in col #3! that's all i can say 😳🫣🫢

i feel like the songs for col #3 already give hints on what the fic's gonna be like dwjebgd

@exatse also so sweetly sent me 'i just couldn't save you tonight' - ardhito pramono, aurélie and said that it reminded them of tell me about love 🥺 and the lyrics really do remind me of col gojo so much!!

but yes, thank you so much for asking this question augustine omg i really love talking abt things like this!! it's still so surreal that you enjoyed reading col and that you're asking me this now asfsaf i'm so sorry it's long hfbhd i blabbered so much 😭😭😭😭

[naamahdarling]

Misconceptions about farming are so widespread.

Vegans. I hear you.

You can argue that we do not have the right to use the bodies of animals in the way that we do, and you can make a morally sound argument out of that. I fundamentally agree, I agree more with every passing year, and would be happy to back you up in a lot of arguments to this effect.

I don't think the way you regularly get attacked is fair, I also see the holes in many of the arguments made against you. I know that a lot of you are perfectly reasonable, knowledgeable people that I would be glad to know. I probably know a lot more of you than I think I do, because it's always the worst people who are the loudest.

But to the rest, if you have to use lies to prop up your moral stance, your moral stance is going to be perceived as fundamentally untrustworthy and dishonest, because that is how you have been acting.

If you lie, people are going to be very reluctant to publicly throw in with you or defend your moral positions because they do not want to be seen as associated with anybody who would spread absolute nonsense.

You especially need to be aware of wider environmental and social issues surrounding the food you propose as alternatives to products that involve using animals. There are times when you have to take the L because the alternative is worse, just easier on the conscience. Vegan leather and agave nectar come to mind. You need to push for better alternatives, that are cheaper and safer and better for animals and people and the environment. You can't just look at the fact that there is such a thing as vegan leather and say that the problem is solved. It hasn't been. Vegan leather is actually worse. They used your moral stance to make something worse, and to profit from it, and that actually should make you sick.

You need to intimately familiarize yourself with farm workers, and people who are trafficked or forced into that sort of labor, and work to make sure that shit stops happening. Humans don't deserve to be abused anymore than animals, especially not if they're working to grow the vegetables that you say people should eat in order to keep from being cruel.

You are not immune to propaganda, and if you are going to present proof of your claims, you have to be absolutely certain they are valid, and if you are going to take something that you are told or shown at face value, you actually do have to do the research and make sure that you have not been lied to. It sucks, but that's what activism is like. If material is shocking or off-putting, claims to come from a secret source, claims to be revealing the truth about some big lie or conspiracy, you really, really have to do your homework. That means reading stuff from the other side and doing your research. Sometimes it really sucks, I know.

You also have to accept that for some people, a vegan lifestyle is not feasible. Fully, I am not kidding you, genuinely, totally not possible. You have to acknowledge and trust those people when they tell you their barriers and their needs. If you can work to help, help. If you can't, be polite and let them manage their own lives. I am one of these people, the situation is incredibly complicated. It really pisses me off when I see people deny that what I experience is valid and say that I don't deserve to have accessible options that don't make me sick. We are not the only animals in the world who for some reason do not deserve to have dietary needs met in a way that is safe and sustainable. If you really want to help people like me, advocate for much higher SNAP benefits and Social Security benefits, and send somebody to my house to fix my stove and my sink for free, because neither are currently working. If all of that were done I could make a start. I still wouldn't be able to eat most vegetable matter without being in a lot of pain I don't deserve to be in.

And if you compare animals to humans in the context of slavery or trafficking or anything like that, I really think you deserve the shellacking you're going to get when you say that shit out loud. That is fully indefensible.

Also, please please please get rid of PETA. They're horrible people. And don't feed your pets vegan pet food unless they are animals that naturally eat only vegetable matter. That's abuse.

Sorry if any of this is weird I am using speech to text.

This is an opinion brought to you by a rancher, who knows quite a few other ranchers and dairy farms.

I recently watched a documentary called Earthlings, which gets praised on a lot in the Vegan, animal rights, and animal welfare tags.

This documentary is complete, biased, exaggerated, and twisted bullshit (At least when it comes to beef and dairy, which is what I’m talking about)

It opens on beef with branding, showing an animal being hot ironed on the face. In my state, you cannot register to brand a cow on a face. In fact, the face is the least common branding site available, as it can damage the cow’s jaw and make it difficult for her to eat. The most common branding site is the hip, rib, and shoulder, but the documentary simply says, cows are branded on their face.

Does it say why? No. Because obviously we scar our animals for fun, right? Cattle don’t have microchips like a dog. If your dog gets stolen, you can usually find it because of it’s Microchipped. Cows don’t have that. Cows are so expensive, they’re like gold, so often Ranchers brand their cattle. If a cow has a brand, she cannot be sold without the brand owner’s authorization, meaning, someone can not steal young, healthy animals from my pasture, and sell them for slaughter.

Next they go on to dehorning, stating that it is cruel, painful, and often done with simple pliers. HAaha.

If I have an animal, I don’t want to ruin it by painfully tearing off it’s horns. This animal will never let me touch it again!

Most cattle, and I DO mean most, are dehorned either as calves (Less painful, not remembered), or have a shot to numb the area at the base of the horn before it’s CUT off, not YANKED off. This way, the cow can still be handled.

Does the documentary say WHY cattle are dehorned? Does it mention that a cow with horns is a danger to itself, humans, and other animals? No? Of course not!

Beef cattle are not stuffed into trailers until it’s so full the animals die. This makes absolutely no sense. If the animals die before they reach the sale ring or slaughter house, no paycheck for you! You make less money if the animals die before slaughter.

Nothing the documentary covers is explained why. WHY do they do that? It’s biased. It makes it seem like ranchers and farmers WANT to hurt their cattle. They don’t. Most of us get attached to our cows. It exaggerates EVERYTHING

Dairy

According to the documentary, Dairy cattle are CHAINED to their stalls, in their own feces, with no water or food, pumped full of hormones to make them milk more. Wrong.

A dairy barn consists of a long isle down the middle of the barn, with a large alley on each side for the cattle. The cattle can walk down the main alley, or lay in a padded stall. They can stick their head through railings to eat food specially mixed to meet all their needs, or drink water. Dairy barns, because they produce milk that MUST be clean, cannot milk a cow pumped full or hormones and chemicals, and clean their barns daily to avoid bacteria. WOW! It’s almost like we take care of our animals so they produce! WHO KNEW?

Most dairy cattle are allowed to graze in a pasture with their calves, until they’re milked in the morning and the evening. Others keep their cows in a well airated barn. Calves are removed to avoid injury! Calves are often kept it smaller pens, with calf huts, pads, soft bedding, and even blankets! It is counter productive to not care for a calf. A calf is your future cow! Dairy farmers feed them the highest quality milk so the calves grow into strong, productive animals.

Dieing cows are not left in the isles. If a cow begins to appear sick, a vet is called. Simple as that.

The documentary states that a cow’s lifespan can reach 20. WRONG. at the age of 8 or 9, a cow starts to lose her teeth. If you kept a cow alive until 20 she would be malnourished and miserable, unable to eat. The average cow lives until 8 or 9, at which point they are sold. It would be cruel to keep an animal who cannot eat or fulfill it’s own needs.

Cows do not, on average, die at FOUR YEARS OLD because of exhaustion! Four years, at almost any dairy or ranch you visit, is a cow in her PRIME! We do not run our animals to death. We do NOT torture them.

You don’t eat meat? Great! Do your thing! Eat your veggies! That’s fine! But don’t make me out to be devilspawn if I eat meat. Don’t make me out to be cruel, (As stated by the documentary, as cruel as hitler to the jews), because I raise cattle. Fuck. You.

The shit thing about that documentary is it preys on people who have never been on a farm or dairy. If you’ve never been to one, it’s easy to believe things like this. If I made a documentary about how vegans grew their food, and showed it to people who have never met Vegans, or seen how crops are grown, I could easily exaggerate and make Veganism seem horrible, like this documentary does to livestock owners.

Please stop hating on ranchers and farmers. Please?

[glitchdollmemoria]

lots of thoughts with yom kippur approaching and not sure how to organize them. thoughts about the fact that i try to be a good person who doesnt harm others and apologizes when i do, thoughts about having low empathy and reduced remorse and not always being able to tell whether i actually was justified in doing something that hurt someone else or whether my own ego is clouding my judgement, thoughts about how my memory is so poor that i struggle to think of instances where i might have hurt people because i struggle to think of anything really that isnt within a very narrow timeframe but then when i can remember it loops back around to me justifying it. thoughts about not even trusting my own judgement on whether or not ive hurt someone because i think i tend to assume wrong in either direction, either assuming i matter more to someones happiness than i do or not recognizing how much i matter to someone else. i am a self centered person although i try not to be, and i will continue trying not to be but i also dont know if ill ever fully erase that from the core of my being, and so all i really can do is keep trying. maybe i have to spend the coming year trying to be more aware of whether or not im hurting people, and trying to be willing to recognize when i really am in the wrong instead of writing off my behavior, and trying to still be discerning as to when i AM justified in. idk. being a bit of a cunt to assholes. but also still trying to show restraint and not take things too far. trying to strike a balance and just be aware and careful.

i remember when i told my father i was interested in judaism, he said people shouldnt need religion to know how to be good people. and i do think on the whole thats mostly true, at least in the sense that religion isnt a requirement in order to have good morals. i think its important to have motivations to be a moral person beyond just "my religion says so". but at the same time, i personally do rely partly on religion for that sort of thing. its not like i was a horrible person before deciding to convert, ive always had at least a part of me that does genuinely want to be good for the sake of goodness, and thats part of WHY i love judaism, because of the emphasis on making the world a better place and treating people kindly, on the idea that this planet is HaShem's creation and all people are made in His image. but i also still need guidance. and maybe thats not so unique after all, maybe im not all that special for struggling so much with morality and selfishness. i dont know. i just think maybe instead of fretting about trying to remember specific instances where ive acted hurtfully, and trying to figure out whether or not i "should" feel remorseful, maybe i just need to accept that i have a lot of issues currently (but hopefully not permanently, or at least not always to this degree) interfering with my ability to figure all that out, and i need to focus on the big picture and recognize that surely, at some times, i HAVE hurt others with my own selfishness, and i need to be aware of that and keep trying to reduce how often that happens, and recognize when it does so i can make things right. i need to be aware of the fact that my moral compass isnt perfect, and i need to be willing to acknowledge when i make mistakes instead of trying to maintain my own self image as the most morally superior person in the room. and thats difficult and painful because its a complete gut punch to my own narcissism, because my instinct is to view that sort of vulnerability as an opportunity for others to paint me as inferior, and to safeguard myself against inferiority however i can. but the vulnerability is an absolute necessity if i want to ACTUALLY improve as a person. do i want to protect myself by insisting im a morally perfect person, or do i want to actualize my desires for moral perfection, or at least get as close as humanly possible? am i ready to grapple with the fact that growth involves admitting my flaws? am i capable of looking directly at my imperfections, or will i let my refusal to look at them become just another flaw on the pile? i think all of this is more useful for me to focus on this year. there are a couple specific memories of hurting people that i want to focus on too, but by and large with my own brain ill get more mileage out of looking at the big picture for now. and on the one hand hopefully i can focus more on specific instances next yom kippur, but on the other hand id like to try to avoid as many as possible in the first place.

[justana0kguy]

2023 JUNE 12 (PH Independence) Monday

GAMON 1'23 #3 ~ Patience, my love

Quarrels of late with the people I love have once again brought up long kept issues I've had with circumstances in the past, to which I've tried (and failed) many times to be more patient than I would like. More often than not, I'd find myself losing patience especially when the crux of the problem is one that we had encountered before and had supposedly addressed, or worse, didn't even bother to.

I am the type of person who fully commits to a person when I love them, and not just during moments when the feelings are at their happiest or the circumstances are at their easiest, but also through the times when it's not because I understand that it's not always going to be that way and that doesn't change how I feel for that person. Which is why a big part of the way I think and the way I love is influenced by looking towards the future that I am fighting for.

Many times that involves looking at the root cause of common (recurring) issues in the relationship, be it from incidental misunderstandings or personal differences, and giving the time and effort required to fix or mitigate these core problems so that we can better handle similar situations in the future. But I've found that most people (even the ones I love) do not give the same importance or see the same benefits and it leaves me frustrated many times, especially when the problem rears its ugly but familiar face time and time again.

And the worst part is when they can't seem to recognize similar patterns in problems nor understand the reason why I get frustrated, even when we may have already spoken or resolved these issues in the past. Granting that having done that doesn't mean that it won't happen again, but causing it to happen and to not even be aware that this is something we've been over with tells me that they either don't care or weren't really listening or paying attention anyway.

But now the question becomes, if we really love a person, and if our love is inspired by the one true love that God has shown and demonstrated for us, and follows the very first line as defined by Paul in the famous part of his letter to the Corinthians: "Love is Patient..." ~1 Corinthians 13:4, shouldn't we be always patient enough to still not be frustrated at that person no matter how much they don't care or how many times they don't listen?

And that in the end is what I want to challenge myself with starting today, which I have to practice and commit to each and every day. To exercise the kind of patience that is rooted in love, empowered by love, for the sake of love, and only in love; not with any other motivation such as hoping (or guilt-tripping them so) that they will eventually change or correct their ways.

I want to be patient because of my love for that person, which should include an acceptance of who they are as a whole, regardless of what they do (or fail to) because what I failed to mention so far but I accept as a fact is that I too am only human and have more than my share of shortcomings towards the ones I love. I too, intentionally or not, have made them feel like I'm not listening or just don't care.

In the same way that God loved all of us and continues to be patient with us even if we are unworthy, so should my patience not be counted as a benefit to give only to those who I think are deserving according to my standards, but share it completely and wholeheartedly as a kindness to the people I love because that is how love and patience should be according to God's standards.

And so I call myself to the higher standard of being more patient with the ones I love, knowing that I am equally imperfect and problematic, and yet still receives the grace of true love and patience from God. I know it's not going to be easy (hard headed as I am) but I'm going to give it my best day by day, moment by moment, clear and confident in my intent that it's not for me but for God and for the ones I love. And if I fail, I'll try and be more patient with myself too.

[spotsupstuff]

"Ah. You again."

"You hush!" Three Sparrows aggressively points towards the abnormally sized blue Iterator puppet leveling her with an unimpressed look since she made it through the chamber hatch. "You knew I was coming over before I even started packing back at Caper's. And I know for a fact that you've known about me since I got through your retaining walls."

Oh, and he has the nerve to puff unconcerned at that, glancing back to the endless neon screens displaying manufacturing demands, asking him to deal with that and that accident occuring in the multiple levels of Desaevio. He just swipes those away. Not even betting an eye at someone losing their life in a crash.

That still sends shivers down her spine and settles an uncomfortable weight in her stomach. Even though it's been a long while now, that Boreas' Blessing has accepted her into his family.

"Yes, I have. And I have attempted to prevent you from progressing further into my factories as well-," he shoots her a warning look without any threat in it over his shoulder, "-intruder."

"Ha! Please." Three Sparrows exclaims, rather directing her attention to her goal- the umbilical arm. She needs something to ground against after all, and at this point she knows better than to ask the ancient Iterator to turn off the antigravity. Blessing doesn't like doing that- the pull of the umbilical arm on his back hurts.

Not so subtly, the arm moves to meet her as she swims to it.

"You call *that* 'preventing'? You've got to be growing rusty. You gave me a harder time while trying to get to my apartment back during my school days than now."

"Hm. Yes, well... You are pulling on your 81st birthday. I have thought you would be appreciative of me being considerate of that fact." She settles on one of the last segments of the arm at its base and with the wave of the puppet's, all the screens close. "...what with being fully organic and all. Have your joints not been bothering you?"

As he brings himself closer, she pays him no mind. Rather eyeing her knee from her perch. And... yeppp, extending it properly produces a crack. It hurts a little. Blessing glares at the thing as if it just personally offended him.

"You *are* aware I could produce you a prosthe-"

"No." She quickly waves her hand in denial. "No- I mean... thank you, Blessing. For the offer. I do appreciate both it and you being considerate. I may not... like to hear it, but I guess I really am getting old. But I'd like to stay as much myself as I can the whole way."

"..." And the so-old-that-it's-hard-to-comprehend thing gives her this look. On the outside still twisted in anger- Three Sparrows is sure his face actually got stuck that way- but buried underneath... worry, pity, confusion... fear... all that plays there in the back. "...very well. I will stop asking then."

She gives him a little smile from behind her rebreather mask. "You said that last time I visited, too. You are just a big ol' carebear, B."

Huff, cross of arms. "What are you doing here this early anyway. You are scheduled to come by in a week before departing for Zephyrus."

Three Sparrows only gives him a shrug at that, averts her eyes. "I dunno. This might... be my final outing. To Zeph especially. I don't know when I'll start greying, I don't know when mom will die back home, the next few years seem..." her hands clasp each other, fidgeting, "They seem..."

His touch is strangely light, when his hand settles on top of hers. Hiding them both away effortlessly. He's cold.

But his voice is gentle and warm, the deep tone of it reassuring. "Uncertain."

Sigh. "Yeah... Uncertain. I'm scared." She shrugs again, trying to play that vulnerability off. "Either way, I might not see you guys in person again. I thought that was... horrible. I may have cried. A little bit." She eyes him, trying to force some play through the pain. "Only a teeny tiny bit."

"Right, yes." Blessing decides to indulge her, "Because every time I have seen you cry it definitely had not felt like I was close to witnessing a river for the first time."

That at least gets her to giggle a little. "You are the meanest person ever!"

"I will be sure to take that as a compliment, little sister." And he makes a show of rolling his eyes in total exasperation.

Through little laughs, she continues: "So I'm here to stay the week. Hang out with you a little before I'll go."

When he takes too long to reply, seemingly surprised, she adds a little unsure with one of her hands worming out from underneath his to put it over it. "You can still... send me on my way, though? If you don't want me."

Oh and there's such hurt in that statement. How could he, anyway? She's his responsibility, for the last twenty or so years. And his responsibilities are precious to him. Either by their value, as his work to manufacture parts- or by how cherished they are. How beloved they've become. And just like little Eurus, Three Sparrows has managed to become dear to him too.

With a soft squeeze of her hand, Blessing indirectly answers. "Are you going to stay here now? I shall fix the air for you, if so."

There's that smile again. So easy to paint on her features, yet not any less loved for it. "I'd like to. Thank you."

As the process starts, she tells him of her plans. Motions to the guitar case on her back, points to her media player apparently containing new songs she thinks he might like.

They shall sing, they shall watch a movie and then they shall talk some more. While Boreas' Blessing indulges her, he shall look for a place for her to stay for the week, too. It must've slipped her mind.

It's alright. He's here to look after her.