#I am desperate ok I know
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MY BOY FUCK YEAH
I know you can’t even see his face but this is the closest official art we are going to get for Quan Yizhen… for now
This is from the TGCF Season 2 audio drama preview to those who were curious
#THE CURLY HAIR#OMG PLEASE LET ME SEE HIS FACE#I AM STARVING OVER ANY YIN YU AND QUAN YIZHEN CONTENT#I NEED TO SEE HIS FACE#wait… tgcf audio drama s2 is going to cover the battle of the lanterns#WHICH MEANS QUAN YIZHEN IS GOING TO HAVE LINES#OMG I NEED TO HEAR HIS VOICE#PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU I NEED QUANYIN CONTENT#going insane over this and you can’t even see his fucking face#I am desperate ok I know#YIZHEN MY BOY I LOVE YOU#I’m going insane#yeyarants#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#mxtx tgcf#mo xiang tong xiu#tgcf audio drama#quan yizhen#qi ying#tgcf quan yizhen#just… him#I NEED SOME OFFICIAL ART OF HIM OK??#oh shit so I guess s3 is going to cover the QuanYin arc huh…#I’m going to cry when they get there#fuck#anyway appreciate this art of my boy ok
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Another Clara portrait bc I'm kind of obsessed w my new design for her :) everybody better watch out, she's busting out the Irritated Face
#victoriocity#victoriocity podcast#clara entwhistle#podcasts#her eyebrow IS raised btw. its just hard to see w the hair#it's when she uses the face of Slight Irritation that you know she's pissed. at least to me#ok yes i did use a brush on the curls and more or less trace over it. still took me forever to do#and i AM learning how to draw different hair textures and i WILL do it but for now. i will take the crutch bc i desperately need it#if anyone knows a good shorthand for those ringlet curls let me know. online tutorials that i found were not very helpful#anyways. i love her so much#art#my art#weaverofink
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#—how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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hi !!!! I am !! I am gonna take a nap ! But when I am awake I sh;l be saying hello to my new mutuals ( and my old ones too !! :3( pls pls pls interact with this if u are alr with my saying helo in ur inbox thank u and ily ♡
#「 🐈⬛ 」 strawberry.milk#I will !! be saying hi even if u dont interact but#sometimes i forget if im mutuals w someonoe on my dash or naur :((( (esp if we havent interacted much)#so pls let me know ur ok w me dropping by so that i am not wracked w anxiety when I desperately try to remember if we're moots ty#!love u !! much very tee hee mwah
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I haven't really talked about this outside of some tags, but I know those weeks(?) Rook was in Fade jail were awful for Rook and the Chucklefucks, but I don't think we really appreciate the absolute batshittery of what's going on in Minrathous.
Solas and his agents - yes game, they still exist they're just out doing their jobs - roll up on Minrathous, kick down the door of the Shadow Dragons, and tell the future Archon and the Pope that the Dread Wolf is in charge. And his fit is way better than Dorian's.
The stakes are so high which is beautiful fodder for drama. Weeks of Solas and the gang fighting Elgar'nan enough that all the Shadow Dragons are appreciative of him. And we finally get Inquisition 2.0(v.2, sorry Varric) with Solas and Dorian. For weeks. God to hear that banter.
#and you know#we saw NONE OF IT IN GAME thats fine#am i desperate to make veilguard somehow DAI 2? yes and its ok if you judge me for it. im not sorry.#veilguard spoilers#the game should have had 20% more dorian
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short comic about touch telepathy and changes
#doctor who#tenth doctor#tentoo#tencest#they are both getting different things from this#but neither will acknowledge it#because they want to pretend they’re doing it for some other reason#they are both desperate so it’s close enough#comically loud gulp.#art tag#i fixed it i dont. know why i wrote pulmonary bypass#ok i do it is because i am still awake at 8 30 am#doctorcest
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truly and literally obsessed with how advtime civilizations see their ancient founders as glowing angels
#the human founders one reallllllly gets me. like the wizards might actually have been glowing figures of light#but i know the humans were just scared refugees like everyone else. fleeing from the mutants and destruction#wizard city didnt have to go so hard on that scene of them ascending out of their bodies. its like. one second long.#ahgmeemgheme. goes crazy insane.#adventure time#not art#i feel like theres another similar instance but these are the only glowing angels i know of... the s-mos utter reverence for bmo is close#also. those.were those the founders or the usurpers. of wizard city. i get confused. how was that city built. or made. or what.#how did all that work. it makes no sense to me. she tells pep in a fit of desperation before trying to make him die to host her god.#give me more information you horrible woman.#i dont blame her. shes angry she came downstairs and found out her friends didnt clean up the dead guy they were supposed to clean up#ok stops myself from talking infinitely about nothing. i am supposed to only talk about what is relevant.#'angels' is a loose term i can apply to anyone who looks cool in adventure time including those evil lookin triangle mfers
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Newt moms makes me soft because... Marcy being adopted by two adults who love her and want her safe and happy after being so horribly abused by her previous parental figure(s)... literally everything I wanted at her age 😭 the wish fulfillment is REAL
#bonus points of Olivia has mommy issues#like ''hey. hey. i know how guilty you feel. i know how desperately you want to forgive them#i know how much you hate yourself for not being able to. it's ok''#my posts#am i projecting too much#who cares. i dont#(says while asking people if im projecting too much)
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i can't come up with headcanons for siffrin's parents bc it would make me too sad- shit i just realized i basically have to for my settling down fic. screaming, crying, pounding on the ground, rain pouring down my face, etc
#if i'm gonna have them instinctually remembering some bits of their childhood i do gotta come up w the childhood#at least a little bit#😭#tbh i do just imagine that the island people are gone entirely rather than a simple barrier of forgetting around it#even though that's theoretically more tragic#it just makes me less sad personally#ijust cant imagine sif's family missing/forgetting them it's too sad :(#for them to all still be THERE just incidentally divided#all desperately missing each other not in so many words but in the heavy weight of absence#or even worse not missing each other#I CANT DO IT i'm too parentpilled 😭😭#I AM NOT LOOKING!!!#i can deal with the hole ok i don't want to know what used to fill it#silverstarschat#isat spoilers#isat#WHOOPS.. forgot those at first;#thoughts#thoughts about siffrin
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https://x.com/d3kutism/status/1741579841764475157?s=46
it should be illegal to be this fucking stupid so loudly and confidently omg..
mfs on the internet preach about "media literacy" yet they completely gloss over the fact that the only damn things that kusuo "canonically" is are a tsundere, an unreliable narrator, and a fucking liar LMFAOOO.. babe thats like basic reading comprehension, im sorry..
EDIT: it should go without saying not to send a person hate just because of a silly post like this one(+i dont have any reach anyway so im sure it wouldnt happen, but i wanna say this nonetheless lol) but i would just like to say that i just checked and realized that this person is 15 years old, so like... yeah, too young to be arguing with grown people on the internet. dont take this too serious or send this person hate pls lol..
#nobody who isnt aroace is allowed to tell ME what character has to be aroace#yall forget that we aroaces (+ESPECIALLY autistic aroaces) dont want or need your ugly white knight savior bs#'oh but im aroace n i also think hes aroace🤓' ok?? should i care about your hcs?#have your projection hcs or your regular random hcs- i literalky DONT care#but it becomes an issue when u try so desperately to defend it like this#like babe u sound so dumb☠️#its so confusing to me how u chronically online weirdos insist on making ur hcs canon#i promise u guys ur hcs dont have to be canon for u to enjoy them#its a VERY popular hc too like tf more do u want#im autistic and aroace and i say kusuo is demi and autistic#i am him and he is me so i know factually/j#so still on the aroace spectrum but either way i dont force my hcs on other people like u selfish weirdos do LOL#also this person and the replies being like 'just cuz not all autistic ppl r aroace doesnt mean none can be' YEA OBVIOUSLY?#UR ARGUING WITH THE WALL AND ITS CRAZY CUZ NOBODY EVER SAID THAT#literally not one fucking person said he cant be aroace- just that it isnt canon#do u even fucking hear urselves.. YOURE the ones saying he cant be anything other than aroace.. so YOURE the one doing the forcing..#u guys love pushing ur stereotypes on others and then defending it to high fucking hell#anyway sorry i dont have a public twitter so im saying my piece here#the link looks suspicious as hell twitter pwease give me a better link#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post
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since we all appear to be talking about izzy 'calling the police' on stede id like to offer my silly little two cents:
its not like the navy wasn't actively looking for him anyway??????
at most, izzys actions sped up badminton catching up with stede, but its made very clear that badminton wanted Stede dead well before this, and was willing to use whatever he could to find him- whos to say jackie wouldnt have cut a deal on her own? that any other pirate thats seen them being unsubtle in a port wouldn't take the opportunity to make a quick buck over a guy who is Nobody and holds no influence that could lead to any consequences for them?
in reality izzy is probably the only person who would receive negative repercussions to selling out stede, given his personal connection with ed- any other pirate would probably have gotten away unscathed, anonymous. they likely wouldnt have even been present like izzy was. izzy had personal stakes, anyone else would have taken the money and ran
the way i see it, with or without izzy the events of episode 10 probably would have happened in some degree, izzy just expedited the timeline
#like ok. i dont exactly support izzys actions but i honestly dont see it as that big of a deal??? to our characters i mean#idk i just. its a dick move!! but i struggle to see it as any more than that#its the actions of a desperate man who made a stupid decision to get his.... ed. out of what he saw as a bad situation#whether it is or not i cant say! but you cant deny ed drastically changed in the time he was on the revenge#in a way that could be concerning from the outside#(i saw a good post kinda comparing it to your friend ending up in a cult and. yeah. excellent description from an outside perspective)#idk theres a lot of. undertones in the way people say 'calling the police' and also they always say ed too and its like. no! izzy tried to#get ed out of there! he set the navy on everyone BUT ed. and its not like the navy really cared about the crew. only stede#i am not the person to talk about why 'calling the cops' is a bad take but the posts are out there. ive seen them.#izzy did what hundreds of pirates did to save their own hide- including hornigold himself (but honestly that was worse because he actively#turned hunter. not just a guy with a tip)#also side historic note that uhh. the navy was casually in Nassau. what exactly was the situation there??? was shit occurring. w#we know it did in history#idk#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzy hands#israel hands#spanish jackie 🤝 izzy: girlbosses for selling stede out to the British/Spanish for their own gain#idk i think thats the one thing he did 'wrong' but ita still very sympathetic to me#its not like izzy dibbed in a guy nobody cared about#'hey hey ill sell you information about this pirate please let me sell you information' ' i mean i guess we are supposed to be doing that'#badminton had an active vendetta against stede and kinda seemed like. he would stop at nothing to get him???#given. the whole 'id rather let blackbeard go and kill Stede than take a huge pirate into custody' thing
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completely unable to be casual about my dnd character despite being in a casual campaign with casual players. can i tell you guys about my characters jewelry choices and the history of each piece and why she wears them and how it relates to her family. no. okay
#respectfully i’m struggling. genuinely just not compatible with the goals of most of the people in this group#which is fine! but i don’t know anyone else to play with#so i am just sitting on lore that i have no use for#does anyone want to know about how my character is desperately broke and while her motivations are to help people they’re also to get payed#and how she attempts to balance the undercurrent of debt anxiety by valuing her individuality and sense of self#hence caring deeply about her jewelry. can anyone hear me#ok whatever i’m going to take a nap i’m getting too worked up#orating!
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for a webbed site that claims to love rehabilitative justice tumblr sure has a love of vengeance huh. somehow we’ve created a digital atmosphere where literal murder is less bad than (checks notes) not emerging from the womb with a perfectly calibrated moral compass and the Correct Political Opinions
I’ve seen people on here say that, not only can people Not Change, but that people who try to change are a) lying b) manipulative and c) undeserving of the chance to change. besties…becoming a better person isn’t about whether or not you deserve to become a better person, it’s not even about becoming 100% perfect, it’s about doing damage control after you realize you fucked up. like yeah people you’ve hurt aren’t obligated to like you/forgive you/interact with you, but tumblrites seem to think that anyone who’s ever made a serious mistake should be exiled from society and/or guillotined. we’ve gone from reasonable and correct takes about how people change (ex. “it’s not my responsibility to teach you”— yes! of course it shouldn’t be up to underprivileged random people on the internet to educate the uninformed!) to utterly deranged ones (ex. “nobody with privilege will ever realize that they’re doing harm and the ones who claim to be in the process of learning are just virtue signaling and should be punished for it”— a take I’ve seen applied to men learning about feminism, cishets becoming allies, white people learning about antiracism, relatives of shooters who go on to advocate for gun control, etc)
you do realize that people can genuinely change for the better, right? I’ve seen my parents un-transphobia themselves firsthand, going from thinking that my sibling came out “for attention” to wholeheartedly believing in trans rights. my grandma’s father was every kind of asshole imaginable and she grew up indoctrinated, but as an adult she broke away from him and has spent the rest of her life working on unlearning stuff. my cousin grew up in the rural south and parroted his rural southern dad’s opinions until he was thirteen and started actually thinking for himself, at which point he did a total 180 and is now studying history with a focus on the evolution of the rights of the underprivileged
so when I see people on here say that people shouldn’t change because they don’t deserve to change it rubs me the wrong way. cause at that point it sounds like you’d rather have that person stay harmful so you can stay mad at them, instead of letting them change and gaining yourself an ally. again, you don’t need to interact with them, but. at this point it kind of feels like you care more about hating The Oppressors than about protecting The Oppressed.
#also for the love of god this is about politics not fandom.#TO BE CLEAR I do also believe in rehabilitative justice for literal murder whenever possible as well.#i think that the vast majority of humans would be ok people if not for circumstances#(ex indoctrination trauma desperation externalized-self-hatred ignorance etc)#and that rehabilitation/change isn’t about whether or not you ‘deserve it’ but about whether or not you’re making an effort#because either we punish people for ever and ever Or we gain allies. and one option is more tangibly beneficial than the other#standard disclaimer: I am white and therefore probably verbalizing some of this in a wrong or questionable way and/or have holes in my logi#because I have blind spots due to privilege. I know. Nobody’s obligated to tell me where they are or how to fix them#but I don’t hold it against you if you read this and think ‘yikes. (x) sentiment is kind of questionable’ and inform me if you so choose#so long as you don’t literally want me exiled and/or dead it’s chill. to be clear. calling people out/pointing out bias is one thing#calling for their head on a platter is another
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guys i decided to succumb to the demons. getting back on the instagram grind to get popular so i can make friends. in good news this means i will finally make drawings to post again. in bad news this means i will have to use instagram
#TUMBLR WILL ALWAYS STAY MAI HOME THO OKAY GUYS#THIS IS MY TRUE PERSONAL BLOG#update for all you who dont know. cowboy robooty empire originally was instagram blog i ran because i desperately needed friends#and im incredibly socially inept so the only way i can make friends is if im popular so then people will ignore how bad of a texter i am#im just shy af for literally 18 months and then i suddenly am comfortable and can be normal ok#but yeah i quit bc i started drawing danganronpa and hated all my fans and realized i had enough friends#but now i want to go back hunting once again. viva la swag!
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im so sick of embarrassment and anxiety being kind of in control of ?my entire life? at this point
#when someone maturely points out a behavior of mine they are politely asking me to stop doing or is even just checking to make sure im ok#i burst into tears#and no one is more bothered about that than me IM SO SICK OF CRYING OVER NOTHING#IM SO SICK OF MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL#IM SO SICK OF BEING COMPLETELY UNABLE TO REGULATE MY FEELINGS#Is it repression when i try to cheer myself up or is it wallowing in self pity when i just let myself cry#is it proof of decent willpower and self motivation skills that i can and will make myself do something i Don't Fucking Want To Do#or am i just not taking care of myself#secret: its the second thing but the REAL problem is that i need to be okay with it#it needs to not be a problem#i love doing mock trial but all the stress around it makes me want to quit but we're so close to regionals and i cant do that to the team#and i hate that i want to quit and i hate that the reason im not quitting is because im afraid of being embarrassed by doing so#and i hate myself andmy feelings and my irresponsibility and im still just half-assing my assignments#and i have a lot of casual friends but i know for a fact im not anyones best friend im not anyones favorite friend and#i want people to ask me to hang out but im worried that if i dont then it looks like im not interested but im worried that#if i do it too much i look desperate and like im imposing myself and like im . well this phrasing is painful for other reasons but#im scared of acting like im closer friends with someone than they think we are#and i dont know where the line is and i dont know what to do or what to say all i know how to do is make small talk and#exaggerate my facial expressions and tell a stupid fucking joke every 3 seconds#i like my life but im so fucking sick of the fact that *im* the one living it#i dont even want to be someone else i just want to be a version of myself thats not a fucking loser#who can actually put effort into assignments without wanting to throw my laptop out the window#who can be normal about other people#who doesn't have the dumbest fucking anxiety disorder ever#who consistently memorizes the stuff i need to know and can improvise on the fly#who's not an embarrassment to my team and also That One Guy They Keep Letting Hang Out With Us For Some Reason to my friendgroups#who can answer questions in class without looking like a suckup and also does it the right amount to make an impression but not enough to b#embarrassing#who can FUCKING talk to someone instead of making a vent post on *tumblr dot com*#for fucks sake i even wish i didnt use tumblr so much. maybe if i could get into a different social media that's normal i wouldn't be so
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in a weird abstract way I sort of miss when I got obsessed enough with a single media or character or topic to the point where I just got sucked into it so horrifically deeply that I'd feel like something clawing out of my own skin ripping thru ribbonflesh bone&blood utterly convinced by my fervency that I was in fact made for this, for this bloodcurdling spectacular consumption, damp in the blood it spills as I gorge myself. & then I remember that doing that was an effective method of murder. of myself or the thing I was gnawing on does not really matter
#when i say sinking into that feeling was like becoming something else utterly foreign and unnerving i mean it#it was like. being dehydrated and scared and stressed and panicked and angry#like an animal in a snare. you know that coyote skull with grooves in its fangs where the snare wires carved the bone away#sort of like being a very small thing in a very dark room. everything outside of the dark is so scary and terrifying#but everything in the dark is also scary and terrifying#but there's nothing to do. and the dark here is much more comfortable#like the gleaming of tapetum lucidum with small thin constricted pupils#this is sort of prose practice too#iam just thinking about it . the obsession was awful enough that i wonder when itll come back#pretty sure it has . in various ways. but with nowhere near the utter desperate fervency#so peculiar.....#kokadrafts#<- think of all this as prose ok. i am pondering
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