#pretty sure it has . in various ways. but with nowhere near the utter desperate fervency | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

koukaaa-descent · 1 month ago

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in a weird abstract way I sort of miss when I got obsessed enough with a single media or character or topic to the point where I just got sucked into it so horrifically deeply that I'd feel like something clawing out of my own skin ripping thru ribbonflesh bone&blood utterly convinced by my fervency that I was in fact made for this, for this bloodcurdling spectacular consumption, damp in the blood it spills as I gorge myself. & then I remember that doing that was an effective method of murder. of myself or the thing I was gnawing on does not really matter

#when i say sinking into that feeling was like becoming something else utterly foreign and unnerving i mean it #it was like. being dehydrated and scared and stressed and panicked and angry #like an animal in a snare. you know that coyote skull with grooves in its fangs where the snare wires carved the bone away #sort of like being a very small thing in a very dark room. everything outside of the dark is so scary and terrifying #but everything in the dark is also scary and terrifying #but there's nothing to do. and the dark here is much more comfortable #like the gleaming of tapetum lucidum with small thin constricted pupils #this is sort of prose practice too #iam just thinking about it . the obsession was awful enough that i wonder when itll come back #pretty sure it has . in various ways. but with nowhere near the utter desperate fervency #so peculiar.....#kokadrafts #<- think of all this as prose ok. i am pondering

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