#I am barely awake rn I just am posting

[moose-driving]

shh let these adult men soothe you with their whimsical silliness

[tariah23]

W-WHA……………………?

@tariah23

[everythingdenied]

stubble-matty healy

a/n: hey loves <3 idk why i'm suddenly deciding it's a good idea for me to post my writing on tumblr again (or why the first thing is i'm deciding to post is just pure filth) but here we are. i've had this in my notes for aggeess and since everyone's in their matty era rn i thought i'd feed you all. pls be nice i am actually shitting it posting this. (also apologies to all my old moots who now have matty healy in their feed when they do not want him! love u all x)

warnings: just pure self indulgent smut tbh (but it's cute, I promise!) smoking, fem!reader        

wc: 1,691

I’d never really been an early bird. The morning air was always a little too cold on my skin for my liking and I didn’t much enjoy the taste of coffee, nor the sound of my alarm, which I set each night despite knowing I’d sleep through it every time without fail. My pillow never felt quite as fluffy as it did in the evening and the noises of the bustling city I’d grown somewhat fond of only existed to annoy me as I prised open my tired eyes. And yet, with him…I was every bit a morning person.

There was just something different about waking up to him. Even at 7am, with my alarm blaring from my phone and the barely conscious thought that I had to be up for a meeting soon flitting around my brain, I couldn’t help but smile to myself whenever I opened my eyes to see him beside me. Especially on those rare occasions like today that I woke up before him, languidly turning onto my side to see the man I loved still dozing peacefully.

He was such a pretty sleeper, his face nuzzled into the crook of my neck, lips parted and warm breath tickling my bare skin with each soft snore. His curls, which he’d recently developed a penchant for flattening down with obscene amounts of hair gel, were splayed out haphazardly on the pillow and I smiled sleepily at the sight, moving to brush a few stray locks from his eyes. I pressed a a featherweight kiss to his forehead and he stirred, a contented hum slipping from his lips, but didn’t wake, much to my delight. I so wanted to bask in this moment just a little longer, scarcely having the pleasure of seeing my boyfriend in a state so unadulteratedly vulnerable.

Minutes passed and, still draped in my sheets and his limbs that he’d aimlessly tossed over me in the middle of the night, I watched Matty with a sleepy smile painting my mouth. My eyes traced his every freckle which, after nearly four years together, I thought I’d become familiar with, only stopping when I noticed his eyelids slowly flutter open.

He yawned and sluggishly rubbed a fist against his eyes, dazed with sleep as he blinked up at me.

“Morning” I smiled, finding him wonderfully endearing when he was barely over the threshold of slumber.

“Mph, g’mornin…” He croaked out lowly, eyes falling shut again as he buried his head further into my neck, placing a sloppy kiss to my jawline. “How long have y’been awake?”

“Not long. Couple of minutes, maybe.” Matty hummed, lips never once leaving my skin as he peppered a listless trail of saccharine kisses from my jaw to my neck. His two day old stubble brushed against me and I giggled at the sensation, squirming under his touch. “That tickles…”

“Sorry.” He smirked, looking up at me with a familiar cheeky glint in his eye, still managing to tease me in his drowsy state. “Need to shave."

I shook my head, scratching the light shadow of facial hair that peppered his jaw.

"I dunno...I kinda like it. You look quite fit."

"Yeah?" Matty snickered at my words, his laugh a little rough with sleep, and nuzzled his cheek against mine, intentionally grazing my skin with his stubble. I pushed him away, biting back my playful smile.

"Stop it. You're gonna give me beard burn."

"You've never complained about that before, love..." He chuckled but pulled away from me, sitting up to lazily reach for the packet of cigarettes resting on his side-table, pulling a smoke out with his teeth.

I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly what he was implying and wanting no part of it. I had work in an hour or so; choosing to engage with him and his incessant virility was a dangerous game that I wasn't too sure I had the time to play.

"It's barely seven o'clock, Matthew. Get your head out of the gutter" I chided, eyes fixed on him as he lit his cigarette, the sheets pooling at his waist and his unruly curls flopping forward.

He grinned sleepily, blowing out a thin trail of smoke from the corner of his mouth before turning to look at me, propping himself up on one elbow. "S'always deep in the gutter with you, darlin."

Jesus.

I pursed my lips, suddenly feeling restless under his half-lidded gaze. He knew it, too; more than aware of the effect he had on me, especially at times like this where the border between love and lust blurred in the hazy morning light.

"Even when you've just woke up?" I cocked a brow, stealing the cigarette from between his fingers and taking a long pull.

Inching closer, Matty smirked and slipped a hand beneath my pyjama shirt, his thumb kneading soft circles against my waist.

"Oh, that's when it's at its deepest." Claiming the cig back, he took one last drag before stubbing it out in a nearby ashtray, wasting no time in pulling me flush against his warm body. His lips met mine in a matter of seconds and I practically purred; the first proper kiss of the day far better than the buzz any amount of espresso or nicotine could give.

For a minute or so, the two of us remained locked in a kiss, a barely-awake display of affection that only turned to desire when Matty's hands fell from my waist, fingers hooking under the cotton waistband of my underwear.

"Matty..."I mumbled against his mouth, brushing away his hand only for it to fall right back into position. "Mph...I've gotta get up for work."

He pouted, pulling away somewhat breathlessly.

"Please" His voice radiated with a fervent desperation. "I'll be quick. Jus' wanna taste you before you go."

"I-I dunno. I really can't be late again."

The heat between my legs said differently.

"Please, love..." He reiterated, almost whimpering now. "Promise you won't be."

He was already practically between my legs at this point, fingers splayed out against my hips as he planted sloppy kisses to my stomach, my shirt now somehow hiked up just below my breasts.

This man was going to be the death of me (and probably my career, by the looks of things.)

"Shit, Matt" I shook my head lightly at my the love of my life as he lay at the foot of the bed we'd shared for years, gazing up from between my thighs with sleepy adoration and the morning sun on his face. I could do nothing more than sigh in defeat. "Fine. But you're looking after me if I lose my job over you."

"Always" he breathed out softly.

It took him no time at all to pull down my underwear, letting them bunch up at my ankles as he turned his full attention to my thighs, which already glistened with my own slick.

"Fuck, love" He drew a sharp breath, languidly nibbling at the skin just below my pussy, leaving lazy, haphazard marks on my inner thighs. His grip on my hips grew tighter. "So beautiful."

"Thought you said you were going to be quick." I whined, bucking my hips slightly. Matty chuckled, his warm breath brushing my bare cunt.

"God, so needy" He quipped jokingly and I lifted my head from the pillow to shoot him a look. Brave words for a man who'd just practically grovelled at my feet for a taste of me. "Alright, alright. You don't need to tell me twice."

And with that his mouth finally got to work, lapping up my dripping arousal with a fervency that let me know just how much he desired me. Matty didn't always want to admit it; sincerity was difficult for him at the best of times, but he'd crawl into my skin if he could. Moments like this, when his mouth and attention was on me and me alone were his special way of letting me know that I was all his.

The speed at which his tongue worked at grew with each passing moment, no longer idly circling my clit. I gasped, hands grasping at his curls as I felt the familiar burn of his stubble against my inner thighs, an added sensation I was rarely lucky enough to experience. Thank fuck he hadn't bothered to shave.

"Feel good, gorgeous?" I let out a strangled moan in response and Matty hummed in satisfaction against my core, the soft vibration only bringing me closer to orgasm. "Good. S'my pretty girl."

He said nothing more, the room only filling with the sound of pleasure; my desperate whimpers and the sloppy sound of his tongue as it drew shapes against my bud intermingling in one sweet sonance. With each lick, I grew nearer to release. Matty knew my body well enough to know I wasn't far from cumming, feeling me writhe beneath him, mumbled expletives slipping from my mouth as he told me just how good I tasted.

"Nearly there, darlin'. Doin' so well." He quickened his pace, breathing heavily as he coated my pussy in his saliva. "Wanna cum for me, yeah?"

I nodded, although I wasn't sure he could see me, the coil in my lower stomach tightening.

"Y-yeah."

"Thought so" he breathed. "Go on then, love."

And I did, coming apart beneath him, loosing myself momentarily in a feeling of burning pleasure only he could ever elicit from me. I sung his praises, his name falling from my lips as he slowed, his featherweight kisses to my clit allowing me to ride out my high. Matty let out a throaty groan himself, getting off on knowing he'd done this to me.

Hazily flopping my head back against the pillow, I felt Matty clamber up the bed, watching me with loving ardor as my chest heaved.

He hovered above me, his hands positioned firmly on either side of my shoulders as he leant down to kiss me, his (not quite) beard glistening with my juices and his lips slick and wet.

"How's that for beard burn, aye?" He smirked against my mouth and, despite my exhaustion, I found just enough energy to smack his shoulder playfully.

"Dickhead."

[niki-phoria]

‧₊˚✩ sweet moments with chishiya, arisu, and kuina

warnings: we deserved more kuina and chishiya in s2, as always chishiya is a little ooc, i am so close to making one of those giant YOU NEED TO REBLOG FANFICTION AND LEAVE COMMENTS posts that get shared around everywhere because my motivation is so bad rn and i love the encouragement/interaction does this sound like i'm complaining ??

gn! reader (they/them pronouns used)

‧₊˚✩ chishiya - stargazing together

(word count 246) he looks like a cat here it's so cute ksnlsknks

chishiya pauses as soon as he reaches the roof. you sit by the ledge, staring up at the sky. your jacket hands loosely off of your shoulders. 

“what are you doing?” you don’t even bother to glance back at him, still looking up. 

“i’m stargazing.” he cocks his head, silently walking over to stand behind you. he glances up at the night sky. the stars are out, barely shining through the clouds. it’s nothing special to chishiya. the stars are there every night. why bother looking at them? 

“stargazing,” he repeats the word like he’s never heard it before. “why?” 

you glance over your shoulder up at him. “because the stars are out.” chishiya stares at you for a few seconds. “you can join me if you want to.” 

despite still not understanding why you would sit on cold concrete and stare up at the sky, chishiya sits down next to you so close that your shoulders barely brush against each other with each movement. he stares up at the sky for a few minutes before he finds himself bored. his eyes drift to the side, entranced with how you’re so focused on the stars. the soft smile on your face is enough to bring one to his own. you look over at him, smirking. 

“like what you see?” 

chishiya rolls his eyes, shaking his head. you laugh, leaning your head against his shoulder. he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you into his chest. 

‧₊˚✩ arisu - comforting you after a nightmare

(word count 263)

you jolt awake, panting as you sit up in bed. your hands are shaky. sweat clings to your shirt as you cover your face with your hands. tears sting your eyes, threatening to roll down your cheeks. 

“y/n?” arisu’s hand is warm as it presses against your shoulder. he gently coaxes you to lean against his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist. you cling to him desperately as if he’ll disappear if you let go, even for a second. “do you want to talk about it?” 

you let out a shaky sigh, trying to calm yourself down. arisu’s hand rubs comfortingly against your back. the air is cool against your skin from the wind blowing through your open window. the music from the beach continues to blast on despite the late hour. “i just… i’m tired. of the games, and the people here, and almost dying every day.” 

“i know,” arisu whispers, holding you a little closer. his shirt is stained with your tears. you smooth your hand against the fabric of his shirt, trying to smooth out the wrinkles from where your hands gripped onto it. “i know it’s hard. but we need to keep going.” he moves a hand to your jaw, lifting your chin. he leans down a little to press his forehead against yours, big brown eyes staring into yours. “i will get us home. i promise.” you nod, reaching over to grab his hand. 

“i love you,” you whisper. arisu pulls you back into the hug, pressing a kiss against your forehead. 

“i love you too.” 

‧₊˚✩ kuina - you get jealous

(word count 332)

your nails dig into your hands as you watch the man lean over, hand resting on kuina’s shoulders. she laughs as he watches her, smirking over his drink. chishiya chuckles as he leans against the wall next to you, hands in his pockets. “jealous?” he asks, leaning to glance over at you. 

you sigh, forcing yourself to relax. “shut up.” 

“you know, if you’re so jealous, you could just walk over there and tell her.” the man’s arm around kuina’s shoulder moves to rest against her arm. she shifts a little away from him, looking away. 

you ignore chishiya’s knowing gaze, pushing off of the wall and making your way over to the beach chair they’re sitting on. “y/n!” she smiles, eagerly shoving the man’s arm off of her and wrapping you into a hug. she clings to your arm, turning back to the man. you ignore how he’s glaring at you, squeezing kuina’s hand. your shoulders feel tense as he looks you up and down with a sour look. “this is my partner, y/n,” she introduces. 

“it’s nice to meet you,” you bow before leaning down next to kuina’s ear. “it’s getting late, we should head back to our room.” 

“ah, you’re probably right,” she says, turning back to the man. “i’ll see you around,” she dismisses, letting you wrap your arm around her waist. 

you bite back a sigh of relief as you close the door behind you. kuina chuckles as she pushes you down onto your bed, moving to sit on your lap. “are you… jealous?” she teases. 

“no,” you look away, avoiding her glance. “...maybe.” kuina laughs, leaning down to lift your chin so you’re looking into her eyes. 

“y/n, you are the most amazing person i have ever met. there is nobody in the world that i love more than you,” she whispers, pulling you a little closer. “i love you.” 

you lean forwards, pulling her into a sweet kiss. “i love you too.”

[avakitsune]

Hi, it's time for vulnerability posting again, despite the fact that's all I'm doing rn. But whatever shhhh I need to whine and complain to get through all this stuff and actually it does help to just. Let it all out. And the person I want to talk to about everything is busy working, and so here I am, blabbering into the ether again.

HOWEVER ONLY 8 MORE DAYS UNTIL I GET TO MEET HIM IN PERSON SO YK THERES THAT

Today is probably one of the worst days of my life. I'm triggered and it's the nail in the coffin for any potential rekindling with my husband. And like, I know some of yall might be like, "really? The election?"

Imagine being married to someone you trust so little that your subconscious won't allow you to sleep if they're physically in your home. Imagine being married to someone who doesn't care if you live or die, so long as they get to have sex with you until you do. Imagine being married to someone who came inside you right after you had to terminate a pregnancy you wanted and he couldn't even wait 3 months to fuck you, and when you cried because you were scared? He said, "I have needs." And then remained married to him for 6 more years because this happened a month after your wedding. Imagine he's drunk all the time. Imagine he leaves you all alone. Imagine he lets you starve, chases you into the bathtub for crying, and blames you for your own illness because you failed to birth his child.

So yeah. The election makes it impossible for me to ever rekindle that flame. I'm over him. I don't want him.

But that's literally not even what I'm posting about???? Lmfao. Like forget all the sad bleh stuff. Wish tumblr posts had footnotes so that I could have put all that in the tags or smth but it's relevant.

I've had to go back and forth in my mind, feeling guilt over the new emotions that have started to grow for someone that actually really seems to see me as a person? Someone who seems to want to know who I am, other than just as a cute plaything—which I am. I care very much if he continues to like me, and I obsess over making sure not to be boring and not to seem aloof by being easily distracted.

Every conversation I have with him, every night I've spent just talking about anything, everything, and nothing at all with him has only made me feel more full and whole. I like how he makes me feel. I'm used to feeling unworthy, small, and bothersome. He doesn't make me feel that way; if anything, I feel that he goes out of his way a bit to make sure to say the right thing—because he wants to say the right thing, not because it's not on his heart. And that tears me to shreds, actually?

To think that someone, barely more than a stranger, can see straight down to my core like he can? And that he's not disgusted by what he sees? He's specifically told me that I'm a woman, not a little girl, and everyone around me has told me the opposite to keep me small. He's not afraid of me. And I don't want to walk away from a man who isn't the least bit intimidated by someone like me.

LOL ANYWAYS

TL;DR: I'm awake and autonomous for the first time in many years, and I'm finally meeting someone who seems like at the very least, makes me feel a sense of forward momentum for the first time since October of 2018.

I will be flooding my page with mini updates while he's here and posting about how cute he is because he is as adorable as he is intimidating. And I just...I don't feel guilty for this. Don't care if I should.

[againstme]

how have you been? haven’t seen you posting in a few days and i usually check on you daily to see how you’re doing. hope you’re okay and you get the apartment

hi anon, this is kind of you, i appreciate it.

i’m at a homeless shelter rn, i haven’t been able to get an apartment. i’ve sometimes had / received the money for a motel/hotel/airbnb for a day or some change, but on days when i don’t i just have to wander or loiter around until the shelter opens at 9 pm.

it’s been a lot of crying, a lot of sitting/laying on the sidewalk, a lot of being cold, and being hungry. a lot. i had my first meal at like 7 pm today, i’m surprised i made it through my shift. though i think i was just too anxious to eat, i’m still kind of like that.

it doesn’t help that i got diagnosed as prediabetic and i have that like looming over me while i’m dealing with so much instability rn, i’m worried about my health. but i don’t really have the access to change shit right now.

i’m just trying to go to work, and even that has been hard. i cry a lot at work when there aren’t customers, and it sucks because i like my job. the stress has been causing more flare ups of hidradenitis too, which has been super painful.

every day is really different and dependent on my dwindling bank account. i don’t have the physical energy to wander around town until i have to work or until shelter opens, but i also kind of have to keep moving.

i think the only good amount of rest i had was yesterday and that was only because i called out of work because i was physically unable of getting there without passing out cause i hadn’t eaten. but i took a bubble bath at the place i was at and was in bed all day. but that was only cause i was in too much pain.

i don’t know if i’ll get housed, i don’t have time for most things because it’s all waitlisted or closed. the collective that has a check for me is going to be closed multiple times this month, so my window for getting rental assistance through them this month is very short.

so i dunno. everything is hard, i don’t really tell most irl or some online people about how hard things are and how much i don’t like waking up and having this be my life. but i’m really tired of going on, i don’t know what is keeping me here and i kind of (really) hate it.

i work an 8 hour closing shift tomorrow, i just got to the shelter like 10 minutes ago, and i have to leave in less than 12 hours from the shelter. and i know i’m gonna be so tired because i barely sleep here, but i don’t have anywhere to sleep after i leave the shelter because i can’t afford a hotel or airbnb or anything. so then i just have to stay awake and it sucks so much bc i am so exhausted :/

this was a long ramble sorry, i’m at the shelter and i’m bored

[bucketofchum]

oh my godd poor Atumu..... poor baby ahh

-shy anon

Yeh the part I didn't write about (the roughly TWO years he spends bed bound and restrained, starved and dehydrated and neglected, while not knowing why or what was going on - if he did anything wrong/what he did to deserve this) were literally some of the worst thing moments of Atumu's life. It was SUCH a bad time not just for physical deterioration reasons but also bc of the mental anguish of "why is this happening? What did I do?"

It's so so so fucking miserable.

In the end, it was actually a moment when King was high (sometimes King uses opium to cope with life), and stumbles into Anhar's room and talks to Atumu/Anhar that Atumu is roused out of his comatose state. The really really tragic thing is that he would have been responsive if anyone actually engaged with him. But no one did. Radu and Dani would be the only ones who drip honey water into his mouth, or give him sugar water enemas just to make sure his body was absorbing some water and nutrients. But besides those rare minutes in the day, he had absolutely no interaction with anyone while literally being bound on the bed. If King had come in to talk to him at any point in those many many months, Atumu would have been responsive. But he didn't.

So it was only when King was high out of his mind and goes into the room and rambles, speech slurred, to Anhar that Atumu becomes responsive. He asks for forgiveness. Then he asks for death.

So King is like sloppily making out with barely lucid Atumu, and Atumu is kissing back hard, but just cuz he's so fucking dehydrated that his throat just tastes like metallic blood and King's saliva is just about the only moisture he has gotten all day. King is too high out of his mind to realise that Atumu is actually awake and conscious, and definitely too delirious to understand what's going on and to give Atumu actual water 😭😭😭

So they have a sloppy make out session but it's just King being high and Atumu being so fucking dehydrated. And when Atumu can finally speak, his first words are an apology. "I'm sorry, Master. Whatever I have done, I am sorry." He doesn't know what he has done to deserve this fate, but he knows he must have done something. It's all he can think about, when he can think. King is still way too high to understand what's going on. Doesn't realise these are the first words that Atumu has uttered in almost a year. He just slurs a "Hmmm? Whuh--"

"I understand that I have failed you. You are in good hands with Danica and Radu. If you have no further use for me, I ask that you end my life." And King is still too high out of his mind and just falls asleep on Atumu. Atumu would cry if he had any moisture to spare. He also just like...he doesn't even know if he's still alive. Atumu also goes to sleep again after that bc he basically thinks he is dead.

The next day, King wakes up and is like..?? Oh boy wow that was embarrassing. He wakes up in the arms of his comatose captive slave, who resembles his most beloved life companion, after getting absolutely wasted on opium. How embarrassing. It's not a record low, but still bad enough that he would rather not talk about it. He mutters a soft apology to Anhar just out of reflex of politeness, and here is where Atumu actually responds.

Oh my god wait I just realized it gets so much worse before it gets better holy shit I'm about to break my own heart fuck.

Okay so Atumu responds, but just a soft exhale, mouthing "Master". And that's more movement than King has ever seen from Anhar in the past year or so. So he frantically grabs water to give to Atumu. He has to drip water into Atumu's mouth with his fingers first before Atumu can even properly drink. Atumu downs several glasses easily, but King stops because too much water too fast is also not good.

Okay so uhhhh-- I'm gonna fast forward through this bc it is still too heart breaking for me to deal with rn but I'll post about it later maybe. But uhhh. Okay so Atumu and King actually have a moment to talk. Like for real. Atumu again asks for forgiveness and death. King is entirely confused. He has never heard Anhar speak to him with such reverence. King is the only thing that matters to Atumu in his life, so if King does not want him around anymore - does not need him - he has no reason to continue to be alive. King is honestly confused by all of this.

Then uhhh the beginning of the end. Atumu calls him by his real name, which I won't write here just out of respect for King. King freezes. His mind reels. His body immediately goes into a panic attack. There is only one human being - only one BEING in existence, that he can recall telling his real name to, besides his family. And that was Atumu. King just experiences a whole array of traumatic flashbacks, reliving the pain of losing Atumu, of losing their daughter. Centuries of mourning. He staggers backwards and collapses, heaving from the panic attack.

Atumu is still bed bound at this time. Not only bed bound but literally BOUND TO THE BED. his wrists are bound to each headboard post and his ankles to the end posts of the bed. His body has been bound in this position for months. His limbs, tendons, ligaments, muscles, are dehydrated like beef jerky. But hearing his Master wheezing, sobbing, crying, screaming, wailing, calling out his name - "Atumu" - Atumu fights to move for the first time. He needs to be there for his Master.

King is knelt on the floor, wailing and gasping, trapped in his own memories. The door is locked, so even though Dani and Radu can hear their Master, they can't get in. They desperately search for the skeleton key.

Atumu screams as he rips his arms from the bedposts. The ligaments in his shoulders and elbows tear horribly. But Atumu has tremendous strength when he needs to have it, and hearing his Master in pain like this necessitates this. He pulls his arms with such force that it breaks the wooden bed posts - the rope still tied around each post, and the other end of the ropes still tied around his wrists. Neither of his arms are functional anymore - dislocated either at the shoulders or at the elbows from this horrible action. They hang limply at his side as he throws his body on the ground, crawling like a worm towards his still sobbing Master. The wooden bedposts dragging behind him.

He has no use of his arms, so he can't prop himself up. But when he reaches King, he presses his face into King's lap and whispers "Master, I'm here. I'm here, Master" in response to King wailing his name. King grabs onto Atumu and cradles his head, sobbing still. King is still fully lost in his memories, in his mind. He is not at all present, but having something to hold onto, hearing Atumu's voice, seems to help a bit.

By now, Radu has found the skeleton key, and manages to open the locked door. Radu and Danica see a horrifying scene. Their Master, in horrendous distress, and Anhar - their prisoner ward who had tried to kill them some months ago - escaped from his bindings? The splintered wood of the bed posts still on the ground. The only conclusion they could make was that Anhar had escaped from his bindings and made another attempt on King's life.

They grab their Master to help him out of the room and lock the door behind them.

The next few days are spent with Dani and Radu taking care of King, making sure he is healthy and mentally okay again. Having recovered from his opium bender and emotional breakdown, he has had a bit more time to reflect. But he has work to do, so he plungez himself back into his work. Still, he thinks about that last interaction he had with Anhar. Was it a dream?

Meanwhile, back with Atumu, it gets worse. For three days, he is left on the ground, arms all but shattered from ripping them off the bedpost. No one came to check on him in those 3 days, so he falls back into the comatose state. It's to preserve the energy he doesn't have. His organs are failing and he needs to go into the comatose state to survive. After 3 days, by King's orders, Radu and Danica put him back into bed, tie him up again, and continue caring for him in the bare minimum way that they had before. More time (weeks? months?) elapse while King is on his work trips. Atumu's condition worsens.

Finally, King returns from his work trip. He can't stop thinking about what happened that day. Was it a dream? He knows he was high, so he can't trust himself. But he needs to find out for himself.

Against Radu's warnings, King goes to seek out Anhar again. The boy is so skeletal. Just a pile of bones, barely visible on the bed, arms strung up again. It's such a sad pathetic sight. He feels so bad, partially responsible for Anhar's sad state. He speaks softly to Anhar, which rouses Atumu. Atumu gasps a breath of life when he comes back into consciousness. He tries to whisper another apology.

King has come prepared this time. Prepared with water and honey for Anhar, and prepared with questions. Mostly, he is mentally prepared. Not sure what the answers will be.

"When we last spoke, you called me a name...what was it?"

"I... apologize if I am not permitted to utter your name, Master--" Atumu quickly whispers. His entire body is in so much pain and he wants only death. He is so so so sorry.

"What was the name you said? I have only told this name to one person."

"Was he not I, Master?" Atumu is beginning to doubt himself. It couldn't be him...could it be him? He's only a slave...maybe he is mistaken. His memory seems to have a lot of holes now anyway...

"What was the name, Anhar?" King insists.

"Master *****..." Atumu whispers almost inaudibly, and winces in fear that speaking this name will call upon an sort of punishment. But no punishment comes.

"Where did you hear of this name?" This time King is calm in hearing his name. He is prepared.

"I...I don't... remember..." Atumu is speaking the truth. He doesn't know. He doesn't remember.

In fact, King had told Atumu his real name after their daughter died. It was a heart wrenchingly tragic moment, and he wanted his most beloved companion to know his true name. So that at least one other being in this world would know him.

"What do you remember?"

Atumu remembers...his head hurting. He remembers waking up, as if from a long sleep. Not knowing what was going on. He remembers the attack -- they were under attack. He remembers feeling a hot knife slash his throat -- but King was hurt too. He remembers trying to save King's life. (He would never have thought it was King who slit his throat. He knows his Master would never hurt him. The only logical conclusion he could come to was that they were both under attack). And then he couldn't remember much else. He remembered the servants, Danica and Radu. They are humans. They are looking out for King. He knows he can trust them to take care of King...if he is no longer needed...

Slowly now, King asks... hesitantly... "What is your name?"

"My name is Atumu, Master..." he speaks slowly and deliberately at first...but then interrupts himself quickly, as he has noticed his Master and Radu and Danica using another name with him. "B-but if you should wish my name to be otherwise, I shall know no other name."

King's eyes widen. If he wasn't wearing a veil over his face, Atumu would see his eyes watering. "Atumu....how can this be? You were dead, Atumu. I killed you."

"I am not, Master. As you can see, I am alive and well." (Well, not "well"). "And I know that is not true, Master. You would never hurt me."

"It was an accident...I killed you... I carried your body....for years... I have lived lifetimes without you. I have lived half a millennia in your absence."

Atumu doesn't know what to say in response. He doesn't know any of this. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember much of anything. He doesn't know what is true and what was a dream. He has no details of any previous life he had lived. "Well, I am here now, Master...in your service....if you will still have me..."

King chokes out a laugh through his tears. "Oh, Atumu, you really are as wonderful as I remember you to be."

And then they make plans for him to get better, etc, and then fun shit happens, yadda yadda yadda

I said I wouldn't get into the details, but I got all caught up with myself and this is one of the most heart wrenching moments and ahhh

Sorry again for the text dump ahhhhhh good bye

[aidtale-of]

Aidtale: Origins-Chapter 3

The same morning begins down in the Underground. Papyrus knocks on Sans’s door, calling to him.

“Sans? Sans, are you awake?”

No answer. Papyrus knocks until he’s sure Sans has woken.

“Sans!”

“What?” Sans grumbles, rolling over in bed, glancing at his clock and noting that it’s only 6 am.

“Sans, you have to get ready right now.”

“Why? It’s barely morning.”

“Because we have to be the first ones there. I heard from tv that some humans are nocturnal, so one probably fell at night. Plus, I’ve got some new puzzles I want to try out!”

Sans sits up in bed. “Alright, I’ll be out in a few.”

“Great!”

Footsteps recede from Sans’s door, followed by a door closing. Sans goes to head downstairs. He holds his foot out over the first stair, then teleports into the kitchen. He opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of ketchup from his side, ignoring the sense of deja vu. He goes to sit on his couch, taking a moment to feed his pet rock. Still tired, Sans settles further into the couch. Papyrus comes out of his room to see Sans already napping on the couch. He stands over him in a huff.

“Sans! You lazybones! Are you sleeping again?”

“Nah, just resting my eyes.”

Papyrus picks up Sans and places him on his feet. “Nice try, but I’m not falling for that one again. Have you eaten?”

“Yep.”

“Great! Let’s go!”

They leave their home. As Sans goes to lock the door, Papyrus pats his non-existent pockets.

“Oops! I forgot something!” Papyrus runs back into the house, leaving Sans outside to wait. He comes back out with a box of bones. “Ok, now we can go.”

They walk through Snowdin, saying hi to everyone as they go. They walk all the way through Snowdin forest to Sans’s station.

“Alrighty Sans, don’t forget to recalibrate your puzzles. We don’t need anything failing if the human arrives.”

“I’ll get right to it.”

Papyrus, satisfied, walks away with his box of bones. Once he’s far enough away, Sans sits at his post, pulling a hot dog from underneath. As he eats, he gets a notification on his phone. He looks, and sees that it’s a text from Alphys.

“Hey Sans, I need you to look at this.”

She then sends a photo accompanied by some text.

“I was checking on some things regarding our research, and all of this just appeared out of nowhere.”

The picture is one of her computer screen. There are diverting lines going all over the place.

“u already sent me this” Sans texts back.

“W-what? What are you talking about? This is the first time I’ve seen this. There’s no way that i’ve sent this before. Though, now that you mention it, it does seem familiar.”

“ah, its probably just deja vu or smth. why do they stop like that though?”

“Uh, well, my theory is that there’s something powerful enough to simply stop time and restart everything.”

“kinda like flowey was doing?”

“. . . .Yes? But this looks wayyy different.” She sends a video accompanied by text. “Watch.”

The video shows Alphys scrolling through the timelines. Sans watches as the timelines start to lose variation, turning from varying lengths to the same, consistent, cut-off line, then disappearing entirely, leaving a number where a timeline should’ve gone. The count stops at 570, with the 570th one showing as in progress. 

Huh, that’s weird. Sans rewatches the video in curiosity.

“where are the other ones?”

“Idk. Like I said, i’ve never seen this before.”

“hmm. maybe you accidentally deleted it”

“Maybe… I’ll check. What are you up to rn?”

“working”

“:( ok good luck.”

Sans puts his phone away and leans back in his chair. He closes his eyes to sleep, then dodges a pellet thrown at him from Flowey. He opens an eye.

“Y’know, if you wanna kill me, you gotta try harder than that.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill you, just seeing if you were awake.”

“Why? Are you looking for Papyrus? Cause, uh, he isn’t here.”

“I don’t need him. I was looking for you because…” He grumbles.

“..why? Because it looks like you’re about to say something you might regret.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Depends.”

“...I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I need your help.”

Sans is taken aback. “Uh..is this some kind of joke? Cause it ain’t particularly funny.”

“Trust me, you were the last person I’d ever even want to talk to,” he sighs, “But, unfortunately, you’re the one with both the knowledge and strength I need.”

“What for?”

…

“In about an hour or so, a human’s going to fall into the Underground-”

“Cool, thanks for the heads up.”

“No! Not cool! They’re going to kill everyone. And I mean everyone! And the only way we can stop them is if someone takes their soul for good.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.” Sans pulls his hood over his head. Flowey looks at him, displeased.

“You don’t believe me?”

“Well, I could, but even if I did,” he peeks from under his hood, “why would I help you?”

“You don’t want to see everyone die, do you? This does include you and Papyrus, y’know.”

“..Funny. I coulda sworn that that’s happened before. Though, that wasn’t because of a human, now was it?”

Flowey’s face scrunches, seething. “I thought your job was to help people.”

“My job is to watch for humans, not help weeds I don’t trust.”

…

“Fine. Don’t believe me.” Flowey scorns, his voice full of venom. “But when everyone you know and love starts to die and you wonder what you could’ve done, I hope you think about this moment and cry.” Flowey burrows into the snow, disappearing from view. Sans scoffs and pulls his hood further down. “By the way,” Flowey calls out from farther away, “at the very least, go see Papyrus before packing your things.” Flowey leaves again. Sans is left alone, so he goes to sleep.

Sans wakes up later to the sound of the door to the ruins closing. He takes a look, but can’t make out the person that just walked out, so he teleports closer. Taking a closer look, he sees it’s a human, just like Flowey said. Sans gives the same introduction and they go through the same old routine, telling the human to keep pretending to be one, then teleporting away. The day goes about as well as one could expect with trying to get a murderous child to participate in puzzles and japes. Soon, Sans finds himself in Snowdin Town, once again helping the monsters evacuate. He goes to his home and is about to pack his and Papyrus’s things, but pauses for a moment, thinking about what Flowey said earlier. Sans backs slowly from the front door and instead heads for where Papyrus was going to fight the human. Fog clouds the area. Sans can barely make out the shape of something disintegrating into the snow. He walks closer, the fog disappearing. The human walks away into Waterfall, stepping in Papyrus’s dust as they go. Sans’s mind runs a million miles a minute. How could this happen so quickly? How strong is this kid? This thing?...Why does this feel so familiar?

His phone starts to ring. Sans stares at his pocket for a moment, letting the phone ring, before he picks it up. Alphys is on the other end, yelling.

“Sans? Sans, help! I-I can’t find them! I can’t find the human!”

“They just entered Waterfall. Look near the entrance,” Sans tells her, his voice monotone.

“R-really?! Oh my gosh, they’re moving so fast! W-what about you and Papyrus? Are you two..Have you made it out?”

“No, we haven’t.”

“Where are you? Where’s Papyrus?”

“. . .”

“..Sans?”

“..He’s dead.”

“Oh. Oh god. I..I’m so sorry..”

Sans shakes his head, “It’s fine. We should focus on evacuations.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok. Get here as soon as possible.”

“I will. See ya.” Sans hangs up, staring at the pile of dust.

“Bet you believe me now.” Flowey’s voice pipes up from behind. Sans slowly puts his phone away.

“Yeah. Sure. I believe you.” Bones rise out of the ground around Flowey and lift him into the air, taking the dirt along with him. Sans turns to face him. “So tell me, if you knew what was going on, why are you helping them?”

“Ha..helping them? What do you mean?” Flowey’s voice tremors a little. 

“Don’t play dumb. Papyrus…all of his puzzles and traps are covered in vines, and last I checked, the kid’s not made of plants.”

Flowey shifts around, uncomfortable. “I was making things go faster. This timeline’s already screwed, and you weren’t going to help, so might as well let the human reset and try again.”

“Reset, huh?”

Flowey nods. “That human..they have..way more determination than I could ever hope for. That’s how they’re able to come back every time and kill everyone. If I remember correctly, they’ve reset about 570 times already.” Sans thinks for a second, then pulls out his phone as Flowey continues. “And the worst part is that no one else remembers. No one can remember. All of you just spout off the same stupid lines about ‘deja vu’ and…what are you doing?”

“Just checkin’ something.” He turns back to Flowey. “Ok, so, question. If you knew all of this was happening, why didn’t you try getting help before..oh, I don’t know, 100 runs? Or even 10?”

Flowey pauses for a moment in reminiscence. “I..thought they were…,” he shakes his head, “It doesn’t matter. I’m trying to stop it now, isn’t that enough?”

“Maybe.”

Sans looks back at his phone. The video Alphys sent earlier with the timeline list finishes playing, stopping at 570.

Flowey tries to look Sans in the eyes. “So? Are you helping or what?”

“Heh,” Sans puts his phone away, “sure. I’ll try to help… in the next run.” He starts to walk away. 

“What? Why the next run?”

“Well, it’s like you said. This timeline’s screwed, so why bother?”

“You’ll forget everything in the reset though.”

Sans thinks for a moment, then smiles wider. “Oh yeah, you’re right. Luckily, I have a solution for this. A passcode. One that only I know. I usually save it, just in case I come across a time traveler. So, next time, just pop by my window or something, tell me the code, then fill me in on everything, capiche?”

“Ok, what’s the code?”

Sans gets closer, gesturing for Flowey to do the same. He whispers the code to him. Flowey reels back.

“I’M NOT SAYING THAT! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!?”

“Well, that’s the code I have.”

“You gotta have something else.”

“Can’t. If I change it now, you’ll use the wrong code and I won’t know.”

Flowey grumbles, “You jerk, fine!”

“Cool.”

Sans recalls the bones, sending the chunk of dirt crashing back into the ground. He begins to walk off when Flowey calls out after him.

“That’s what they’re looking for, by the way.”

Sans takes a look back. Flowey continues.

“A change. That’s what the human’s looking for. So try to act normal.”

“That won’t be a problem.”

Flowey disappears into the dirt. Sans stares for a bit, then teleports into Alphys’s lab.

“‘Sup Al.”

“AH!” Alphys flinches at Sans’s sudden appearance. She readjusts her glasses. “Sans! I-I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I didn’t either, whatcha up to?”

“I, uh..I came up with a plan.”

“K. What is it?”

“Uh, well, I-I called..well, I didn’t call her, Mettaton did, b-but we called Undyne a-and told her what’s going on. So she’s going to help evacuate Waterfall and maybe, hopefully stop the human. And if..if she…if she can’t..then..uh..” Alphys readjusts her glasses, “S-sorry.”

“It’s alright. What happens if she can’t?”

“..If she can’t, then I’m supposed to call Asgore and t-tell him to absorb the human souls so m-maybe he can defeat them.”

“Ok. Where will the escaped monsters go?”

“Well, we could take them to less populated areas, or harder to access places. I-if we really need to, we could take them to places that have already been affected, considering that it’s unlikely the human would look there again.”

“Ok. Are we going to help?”

“I need to put out the notice to the other areas, and after that I’m going to help with Hotland.”

“Alright. I’ll go move some monsters in Waterfall.”

With that, Sans teleports into Waterfall. The day goes just as last time, and soon, Sans finds himself back to dying in the judgment hall, telling the human where he’s going and asking if Papyrus wants anything before dissolving into dust.

Next---https://www.tumblr.com/ask-aidtale/723938110179803136/aidtale-origins-chapter-4?source=share

Previous---https://www.tumblr.com/ask-aidtale/723937991398162432/aidtale-origins-chapter-2?source=share

[glam-hutchence]

This jsnt the post you want to read but.. tonight was not good :(

I have currently been awake for 37 hours (minus a barely half an hour sleep before I had to get up)

The queueing was fine, I made some friends and we played many games of uno, and they were so nice and caring (suggesting I put sunscreen on bc I'm so pale but I thought I'd be fine. I wasn't. At all. 😭😭 I am very burnt on arms/legs/NOSE 😭) I Forgot to put it on this morning big sad

Waiting to be let into the venue was fine, getting to the barrier was fine

Jimmy eat World were great again, got excited for the middle bc it's the only one I know, and another one it sounded like I knew it but idk the name rn

I was having a good time with the ppl around me while we waited, we joked and played 20 questions but guessing an animal

MCR came on. So excited, so ready for night 2. But hard to see but I was managing during foundations.

Sigh.

But as soon as na na na started, ppl went fucking feral. Like full on purposely pushing and shoving to the point where no one could move or even fucking breathe properly. It was so dangerous we couldn't keep both feet on the ground firmly.

I couldn't even focus on the music, I just was trapped in between ppl and couldn't move. This vile person behind me said "I'll make my way to the front and I'll take you with me" so she was basically thrusting and pushing hard and it was so horrible. I didn't want to get out bc I didn't want her to get to my place, but I couldn't take.it anymore. I lasted maybe twenty minutes to half an hour at best and I just had to fucking get out of there.

There was this kind and sweet soul who asked if I was okay before I left and when I had enough I tapped her shoulder and pointed out and she got securitys attention. It was hard to get out, I couldn't even turn around for them to grab me :( and the same girl literally grabbed my leg to help lift me up bc I just couldn't jump. I know it's their job but the security leading me to the chill out area, and the lady there were so nice. When she asked if I was okay I just couldn't stop crying. Tears had come out in the pit and when I was getting out bc it was just too much. I was all hot and shaking and she kept giving me water and offer first aid stuff if i wanted them to come.

I know how pits are. I know they can get rough and ppl get pushed around. But not like this. Even the ppl in the discord group said so many ppl were dangerous and horrible and that tonight was rougher than last night.

I stayed in that area for twenty minutes and I missed four songs. I was so upset and cried half bc of what happened and half bc of missing out. When I did leave the room, she gave me double the amount of water in the cup and I went to the back of the pit. I think the Panadol I had helped calm me down (she had also offered me some)

I was so sad bc I was barely meters away from my favourite band, to being on the other side. I couldn't focus properly on the songs after that. There was half an hour left and I tried taking photos. I just wasn't into it like I wanted to be, like yesterday:( I rmr Helena and the kids from yesterday most properly if I have to be honest. I can't rmr much at all which is so fucking disappointing. This would have been the only show I would have gone to if I didn't get a seat for last night. Fucking lucky I did bc that was the best night I could have asked for. I'm just sad. Tonight didn't go as I hoped it would and I deserved so much better. :( </3

Also, side note: this is the third time I've smelt weed. First was rhcp night 1, and once during the lining up today and again in the pit. And for me, it smells bloody awful. I don't ever want to try it at all. (fucking disclaimer bc idc if you love it and have it all the time and that it helps you. It's very clear that it is not for me based on this).

After it ended as I was walking to the car I saw a doughnut truck and got six chocolate sprinkle ones and it was so yummy and slightly made me feel better.

When I told the discord frens what happened they were so nice and supportive and understood bc they experienced the horrible-ness as well. I tried to stand my ground but it was too much for me. 8ve never had to leave general admission before, I feel like I failed myself, even tho I literally did the right thing to protect myself. I did notice a small cut on my forehead. So that's all you need to know.

When I got home, I ate (got some maccas on the way) and then I had a quick shower to wash away those bad vibes. Now I'm going to go the fuck to sleep

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

LMAO I had a feeling it was you! When I wrote the ask I was like "wait, am I quoting them to themselves rn? I am, aren't I?" I found the source of wise words 💪

Thank you for your kind words?!?! It means a lot to hear that from you 🥲 there's a special place reserved in heaven for those who give positive feedback to (new) writers 🫶

Speaking of my fic ('s theme): do you have any personal faves among your writings that are a well-fitting for the "fuck the sad away"- fans? 🥺 I'm feeling very sad baby today (the dom badge was left on the counter this morning)

My previous partners never really "got it", though I will NEVER blame anyone for not getting hot and bothered when your partner is unwell 🥲 Understandable. Green flag. Not everyone fancies a "I know I'm crying rn but can you dick me down"- request (a type of Peak Intimacy when done right imo 💔) but NOT to be confused with dacryphilia. Do I make sense? I'm barely awake atm.

OMG BABE!!! BABY *CLAP* *CLAP*

@ddeonghwassimp

My favourite theme and half of my fics are where the idol 'fucks the sad away' in fact!

It is one of my favourite things to read and write and OMG DO I HAVE A SHIT-TON OF RECS AND FICS I HAVE READ AND WRITTEN FOR THIS POST.

I totally get what you mean, there is something very sensual and intimate about being completely vulnerable in front of your partner and having them just 'take care of you'.

I find that more sexy and a turn-on than most physical kinks and instruments i'll be honest.

Anyway! Here are my fics with this theme:

Mommytober: Day 31 w Mommy!Seonghwa

Daddy!January: Edging w Bang Chan

10 Days of Pyeonghongnovember: Red Eyes & Warm Touches

First!Time February: Praise w Lee Know

Other Fic Recs:

Please, let me in by @ateezreactionsandscenarios

Yandere!Lee Know pt.4 by @whatsk-poppinhomies

Painkiller by @chvnnie

Mommy knows best by @hueningchu

Extra shout out too 'Barely Concealed' by @sometimesiwritethings because it includes gender!neutral reader

AND...

My 'Soft Touch And Gray Days' fic with Ace!Jongho

Please read them and let me know how you like them :)

[lucdied]

Random rant with no clear topic (I'm bored). Also, I won't bother to separate paragraphs. Inclides delving into some of my mental health stuff.

Anyone else ever just be awake really late, don't want to go asleep even though they should, and then debate over it for some time? Personally, I have the problem of not being able to fall asleep without melatonin, but at the time of posting this, it's 1am, I haven't brushed my teeth, I haven't taken a shower, I haven't taken my iron supplements, allergy meds nor melatonin. Because I don't live alone and I technically have a bedtime (midnight), I can't go do these things rn without either waking someone up or getting caught past the time I'm supposed to be asleep. I have to leave home by 9:20am (ik, i love my schedule) so I won't be late, and the logical answer would be to go take a nap once I get home a few hours later. But the problem is that I do twitch streams and have a planned stream only a couple hours after I get home, and unlike before, when I was constantly missing my streams due to passing out in bed, I don't want to cancel my streams over things like falling asleep. I was so close to fixing my sleep schedule, but here I am again after just a couple of weeks. I'm not very active on Tumblr and never have been, but I'll probably just show up to rant here like I'm doing right now. I'm literally just typing everything that comes to mind because I'm actually afraid of my own thoughts, which is why I've been going to see the only professional I currently can see (a psychologist) and slowly try to sort stuff out. It was barely half a year ago that I kind of had my two closest friends on speed dial (more like instant discord msg) because I was terrified I'd actually harm myself or somth. I've gotten better, but the jokes still show up in conversations once in a while, and thoughts still come along. I usually don't rant like this, but it sort of is helping keep my thoughts under control, but either way, I really should get to bed, even if it's without putting on my retainer, brushing my teeth, taking my supplements and meds, without showering... without anything I should be doing.

[adepressedartist]

For fucks sake I can't calm down from it.

What was supposed to be a great night (which it overall was) that i tell my fiancé and bestfriend about after turned into a fucking nightmare in which i tried to convince myself that someone secretly gave me Bromo dragonfly or some shit and I'm in a bad psychosis since I'm in a coma. I tried talking myself into it multiple hours because i couldn't fucking understand how me sleeping is a reason to get fucking forcibly sent to a ward. I don't get hangovers from substances but for fucks sake after over 48hrs of being awake i wanted to sleep. And without context, just "yeah what u posted on the gram seemed sewerslidal" i couldn't get it. Because omfg. When i cried and begged for help fuCKING EVERYBODY. Ignored me. But then I have an absolute amazing mood, and my mental health is good again, it's taken away from me, i get fucking screamed at by someone i once trusted which she fucking destroyed as well with that because lord forbid how often I told her how badly this fucks my trust up. I'm not getting triggered by it anymore, that was years ago. But as soon as someone starts, in a serious manner screaming at me, it's over. She can be fucking lucky there were cops keeping me from breaking the law. she can be glad I was so tired and exhausted. She can be glad I was moments before in such a good mood.

But for fucks sake. When i begged for help, i got ignored, i got a "lol same haha", i got belittled with a "yeah turn it down i have it harder rn, you don't even have a job". BUT WHEN I FEEL GREAT MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS RUINED AND I GET SENT TO THE WARD?

I don't get it tbh. Absolutely not.

Like, after having some godforsaken context the next day which she didn't even tell me but my fiancé did. I understood where this all came from. But from her i only got "you acted weird". Great. I have DID/MPD. Surprise surprise, you know barely nobody in this system because nobody wants to talk to you. If i act "weird", you probably just forgot that i exist with other people for fucks sake. And it made me even more angry in the moment because her only reasons were that i didn't pick up my phone. Didn't open up my door. And was weird.

And the best thing is. I had this happen with her multiple times now. She did something shit. We talked it out more or less. I ignored that she's victimising herself. Said alright. Let's got over this.

But she fucking continues.

I told her multiple times to not fucking do this because no, it does not make me feel bad, i actively choose when to feel empathy. But I know that it will have legal consequences if she's not stopping because she's making me fucking aggressive. So i tried to not fucking snap at, or hit her a couple of days ago and told her to fucking stop it and she felt like it was fucking funny.

If she will do it again, i will fucking try to yeet myself out of protest. Or push her down a huge flight of stairs. Nobody is fucking listenign to me, i am repeating myself so fucking often and I'm tired of it. She fucking destroyed the weekend by screaming at me that even the cops looked scared at her. By screaming at me she made my neighbors look outside their apartments. And so fucking muvh more. And tHEN SHE FUCKING ACTS LIKE THE VICTIM LIKE FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU MAKE ME WANNA KILL EITHER YOU OR MYSELF. FUCKING STOP I WAS SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVE AND TRIED TO JUST BREATHE IT AWAY BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT WAS ILLEGAL. AND FOR FUCKSSAKE WAS I HAPPY THE CURSE I DID IN YHE WARD FOR HER WORKED BECAUSE GOD WAS I ANVRY AND STILL ARE. SHE FUCKING ACTS LIKE A SMALL CHILD OVER AND OVER.

Yeah so that I calmly talk to someone, is not showing what i feel towards them in any way. Iget it. It was a big misunderstanding. It led to many bad things, but that is fine. I am an understanding person.

But i am angry at one guy. Because if i hate something, is when "friends" lie to your fucking face.

And i am angry at her for being an ignorant bitch that only sees herself. Idk where the friendship is going after all the shit she has generally done in the last 5-6 months, but i will definitely cut contact a bit now, because hell nah. I'm not her therapist anymore, and if she just wants to sit at my home all day watching tiktok with me she can also fuck off.

Will i tell her all of those things politely without hurting her feelings while all the way manipulating her? Yes. Why? Because i know exactly there are people in this head that unlike me now, still hold her dear.

But she played all her chances. I forgave her multiple times, but i never forgot. I'm so fucking fed up with humanity.

[reki-of-the-valley]

1. I have terrible friends.

2. I regret everything.

3. At least I'm not too hungover?

4. I. Am too competitive for my own good.

Moral of this is once again: don't do drinking games kids. They're awful and you end up saying and doing really stupid shit that you will regret (more or less)

[ankylosaurusthesaurus]

im having the worst week it’s tech week and i’m sick and my ed deadline for college apps is november 15th which is also the last day of the show my school’s doing and im head of sound which i love sound but my crew is not reliable at all and our directors are so overbearing and they expect so much from us and i literally am so exhausted and on sunday night i had a dream that i watched my pets die right in front of me and that really threw my entire week off so i’m doing so great

[tonberry-yoda]

I Remember You - Saïx

Pairing - Saïx x f!reader

Warnings - none!

Word Count - 899

Notes - i am currently in a kingdom hearts brainrot rn, i dont know if anyone reads kingdom hearts fanfics, but i dont care, this is for me lmao. i think it's super cute and it's really making me wanna replay the whole series lmaooo

And don’t forget, REQUESTS ARE OPEN! So if you want to request any writing, please don’t hesitate to ask, but please read my pinned post before requesting! Please enjoy!! Don’t forget to stay hydrated! <3

Saïx jerked awake in a cold sweat. He had that dream again. The one that always had him shaking in the dead of night. He would forget it by morning, though. He always did.

---

“Woah, Saïx, are you alright?” Axel giggled, throwing his arm around his best friend. “I'm fine.” “You look like shit!” “You say that every morning.” “I mean it this time though. Did you get good sleep last night?” “Do I ever?” Axel thought for a moment, pulling a random ice cream bar out of his pocket. “Good point. Bad dream?” “I don't remember.” “Sounds about right. Get it memorized, dude,” Axel tapped the side of Saïx’s head. “Well, Xemmy has decided to send me out on a couple missions today, so if you don't mind holding down the fort, that would be great. Though, I've heard Vexen’s cooking up something super fun in his room today, so I would avoid that entire hallway. Hell, block the damn place off. See you, Saïx. Take care, okay?” “Sure.”

Axel teleported away, leaving Saïx alone. Just like always.

---

“Holy shit! Coinkydink, much?!” Axel had a huge smile on his face, seeing Saïx teleporting right where he was doing his job. “Did Lord Xemnas send you here?” Saïx nodded and got ready for battle. “Boss had a good call, this is a group of a bunch of little assholes. Thanks for the help, buddy.”

Even if Saïx was working there in Twilight Town, he couldn't help that his brain felt miles away. It's like he was on autopilot. Just fighting. Always fighting. It felt like it was getting them nowhere, but he just had to believe. He had to believe that he could one day… feel something again. He wanted to smile like Axel did. He wanted to be like the people he couldn't be around. He wanted to… remember.

“Good fight, dude!” Axel ran up, giving Saïx a high five. “I think I'm gonna grab some ice cream. Want some, Saïx?” “I'm okay.” “I'll take that as a yes then! I'll be right back.” Saïx sighed and slumped down on the ground, hugging his knees, squinting at the bright sun peeking through the trees above him.

“I already told you guys no!” Saïx immediately looked up to find a girl being trailed by a bunch of teenagers. “Oh, come on!” A boy with curly hair and a vest ran up and grabbed her shoulder, turning her around. “Just a couple bucks. Please!” “Hayner, Pence, Olette,” The girl put her hands on her hips, turning to the kids. “You know I would love to give you a couple of bucks so you can go to the beach, but I need you to listen. I’m going to college soon. It's my sophomore year and I really need to focus on my funds for the upcoming year. I cannot spare anything, alright?” The kids looked pouty, but understanding. “Well, thought we’d ask. Thanks anyway.”

The kids ran off and the girl giggled to herself, walking towards where Saïx was. She gasped when she saw him, taking a step back. He looked up at her and tilted his head. “Can I help you?” She took another small step back, tears forming in her eyes. “Y-You’re dead.” Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. “Do I know you or something?” “I-Isa… you died.” “I- I don't know what you’re talking about.” He stood up, taking a step towards her. She stepped back again, almost as if she had seen a ghost. “Isa…” “Who are you talking about?” His voice was shaky. He obviously knew what she was talking about. Memories were slowly and surely coming back, but they were stuck in the back of his head, barely visible.

She took a small step forward and Saïx felt a memory hit him like a brick. The dream. She was there. She was always there. He took a big step back, grabbing his head. “Isa?” He fell to the ground and she ran up, but quickly stopped herself, not wanting to overwhelm him. He sat up swiftly, his eyes misty. “Y-You’re here.” She kneeled down next to him, immediately being pulled into a hug. She quickly wrapped her arms around his shoulders, melting to his freezing cold touch, while his tensed shoulders immediately relaxed the moment her warm hands touched the back of his neck. “Isa, I've missed you.” “I looked for you everywhere… I just… forgot what your face looked like.” Saïx began to sob audibly, breaking down in her arms. He was hurting. He doesn't remember the last time he had felt so… full of emotion.

“Isa,” she cupped his face, smiling into his tear filled eyes. “I can't believe it's really you. I thought that you and Lea had died and-” “I'm here now.” He held her tighter, his lips curling into a small smile as he pressed his forehead to hers. “Please don't leave me again, Isa.” “I'll try.” “I wish we could stay like this forever.” “We can for now… if you’d like.”

Bonus:

“Saïx! Look, I finally managed to get your favorite! Rocky Roa-” Axel paused himself, finding Saïx fast asleep with a very familiar looking girl in his arms. Axel smiled softly, sitting next to the two sleeping souls, eating his ice cream, waiting to surprise Saïx with a Rocky Road ice cream covered in his favorite toppings.

[emmyhem]

everything you’re missing (c.t.h)

a/n: hi everybody, i’m back with another post. this is my first calum piece and i’m so excited to finally get it up. this is once again unedited, i’m way too tired rn. it’s also the second smut i’ve posted so that’s pretty exciting as well. yeah i don’t really have much to say right now because i’m literally exhausted, my classes are really kicking my ass. anyway i hope you all enjoy this bff!calum piece. feedback and comments are always appreciated. hope you all are doing well and are being safe. thank you - emmy <33

pairing: bff!calum hood x fem!reader

summary: a drunken text meant for your ex shows up on calum’s phone and leaves him questioning everything he’s missing out on with his best friend.

warning(s): talk of a previous bad relationship, y/n’s ex body shamed her, mentions of alcohol, insecurity, smut, cursing

word count: 4.7k

You’ve decided that 3 glasses of wine is your happy medium, but even a sip into the 4th and there’s no telling what you’ll do. 

So, naturally you were finishing up your 5th glass on Friday night while angrily scrolling through your exes instagram when you got what seemed to be an incredible idea. It was simply too tempting not to, your mind was feeling hazy which made your confidence skyrocket, and you truly did just look good. 

A day of pampering had left you in a black floor length silk robe with nothing but your favorite deep cherry red lingerie set underneath. Your face was bare and glowing after a refreshing and illuminating face mask, and your lips were left glossy and plump from a new scrub. 

You had posed in front of the floor length mirror in your living room, giggling between snaps until you had taken the perfect shot. It was classy but provocative, the dressing gown slipping from your shoulders exposing the lace of your bra and a tasteful amount of cleavage. You had also left the bottom open, allowing a clear shot of your thighs and the curve of your ass from where you sat on your knees. 

With a mischievous glint in your eyes you selected the picture into a message, typing a cheeky, “take a good look at everything you’re missing”  and sending it off to your ex (or so you thought). 

But you really couldn’t be blamed for your mistake, Cam and Cal were far too similar for your drunk brain to decipher the difference. You also couldn’t be blamed for the fact that you dozed off on the couch immediately after sending it, before you even had a chance to recognize your humiliating mistake. 

You were awoken by the ringing of your phone at around 9:00 am, way too early for your liking. Before even registering who it was, you brought the phone to your ear and groaned a sleepy, “hello,” 

“At your door.” a voice you recognized as your best friend responded. 

“M’coming” you said, scooting off the couch. On your way to the door you registered that you were still scantily covered, the robe falling off of you as you walked. You clutched it around you as you swung the door open to a wide eyed, Calum Hood. 

“G’morning.” he smirked, looking you up and down. 

“Shh” you hushed, pulling him in by the arm. “Why in the world are you here so early?”

He lightly laughed while taking a seat at the kitchen table, eyes following you while you moped over to the fridge and pulled out two water bottles. 

“Well,” he sighed as you handed him one. “I got a very interesting text last night and I figured I just had to come over and see, y’know everything I was missing.” he spoke in a teasing tone as he gestured a hand down your body.

You tugged your eyebrows together in confusion. There was something familiar about what he was saying, but not familiar enough for you to put the pieces together. 

“What are you talking about?” you questioned bringing the water bottle to your lips. 

Calum shrugged his shoulders, a smirk still glued to his face as he took out his phone and began looking for something. After a few seconds he extended his arm to hand you his phone. You accepted it and glanced down absentmindedly as your body slumped against the counter.  

The second your eyes hit the screen it all came back to you, your mouth fell open and you straightened out, suddenly very awake, not to mention very mortified. 

Calum on the other hand was buzzing. Actually, he had been ever since his phone dinged last night awakening him from his sleep. Well, buzzing and extremely, extremely sexually frustrated. 

When he first opened your message and saw the picture that would now be making a regular appearance in his wet dreams, he had nearly choked on his own breath. He knew that it was most likely a drunken mistake, and while that slightly saddened him it didn’t stop his dick from plumping up at the sight, straining uncomfortably against his boxers. He seriously debated wanking to the tempting image but decided against it, thinking it would be a gross violation of your privacy since it wasn’t even meant for him. Oh how he wished it was. Unfortunately that meant he had been sporting an exceptionally sensitive halfie since then. 

“Oh my god.” you groaned, sitting the phone down on the counter and covering your eyes in humiliation. “Cal I’m soooo sorry, I was drunk, and overly confident, and I meant to send this to Cam and now I’m just, I’m sorry.” you reiterated. 

‘Hey, don’t apologize on my account.” he countered. “Plus, you should be thrilled you sent it to me and not that asshole, doesn’t deserve ya.” 

“I know, you’re right. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m mortified though. S’bit ridiculous, get a little alcohol in my system and I have a god complex all of a sudden” you rambled, running your hands through your hair nervously. 

Calum stood and pulled you into his arms, resting his chin on the top of your head. 

“You think too much, y’know that?” he quipped. 

You turned your head, pressing a cheek against his sweater clad chest and mumbled, “Yea I’ve been known for that.” 

Calum softly chuckled at your words before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head and pulling apart. 

“S’really no big deal, y/n.” a teasing grin plastered on his face. “Besides I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”

“Calum!” you scolded, swatting a hand at his arm. 

He dodged your hit just in time and held his hands up in surrender before taking his seat again. 

“Why'd you let that dick bother you anyway? Y’know you’re way out of his league.” 

Your jaw clenched at the question, your mind wandering to every time you had come to Calum crying after your ex had done something to hurt you. Everytime he commented on your “stomach pudge” as he liked to call it, when you wore a tight dress to go out. Or when he would ask if you were really “that” hungry, even if you hadn’t eaten much at all. And each time you would feel absolutely wretched and end up sobbing in Calum’s arms, but refusing to tell him why you were so, so sad. 

“He texted me the other day y’know?” you muttered under your breath, while fiddling with the coffee machine. 

“Really? What’d he say?” Calum responded, watching your back with narrowed eyes. 

“Uh, he saw me the other night, when we were at that bar with the guys.” you said, shaky fingers pulling out a mug. 

“And?” he spoke flatly. 

“It’s stupid really,” you sniffled, willing your voice not to break. “He said I put on a few pounds, that he was glad he got out when he did.” your bottom lip traitorously jutted out as you turned to face him. 

“Fucking dick.” he hissed. 

Calum wasn’t necessarily proud of the violent images that flashed through his mind at the thought of that asshole finding yet another way to hurt you but, the sad little quiver of your lip allowed him to reason without a doubt that they were fair. 

Before you could even blink he was holding you again, arms impossibly tight around you. . 

“He’s wrong, y/n. Fuck, I don’t know how to even...he’s just so wrong.” he said softly, his hand rubbing your back reassuringly. 

“I know.” you whimpered, holding tears back. 

He pulled back enough to look you in the eyes, arms still firm around your waist. 

“No you don’t. It’s...It really fucking pisses me off that he makes you feel like this. It’s like-fuck you’re just like-” he moved his hands to cup your cheeks. “You really are gorgeous.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words, and your whole body felt warm as you stared at his big brown eyes. His words felt sincere, everything about him felt so sincere. 

“Thank you, Cal.” 

He pulled you back into his chest, “Really wish I could just, like hug away all his bullshit.” 

“M’used to it.” you mumbled. 

“You don’t deserve any of it.” 

“Yea, well what can you do.” you sighed, moving out of his embrace. 

Calum’s eyes were still glued to you as you stirred a spoonful of sugar in your coffee. 

“I hope you don’t let anything he says get to you.” 

You let out a breath of exhaustion. 

Confidence wasn’t something that you used to struggle with. I mean sure, there were spouts of insecurity here and there but you knew your worth, and you considered yourself pretty, hot even. That had all changed a few months into your latest relationship. First it was the backhanded compliments which quickly turned into passive comments, and then outright cruel insults. People really underestimate the toll their words take on others, especially when the person that’s making you feel so ugly and worthless, is one that you adore and who’s supposed to adore you right back, no matter what. 

“I try but, he can’t just be making it all up.” you were ashamed. When did you become the girl that lets a guy affect how she sees herself? That just wasn’t you. 

“He is. He’s insecure and a douche. He was probably trying to destroy your confidence to the point that you felt like you couldn’t leave him.” Calum assured. “But you’re way too strong for him, dumped his sorry ass anyway.” 

You smiled gratefully at his words, taking a seat next to him. 

“Yea, so strong I tried to send him half naked pictures for reassurance.” 

Calum shook his head, “I wish you could see how hot you are.” 

Your eyes widened at the compliment, your head dropping to avoid his stare as blood rushed to your cheeks. 

“I’d be happy to reassure you whenever you want.” he continued, bumping his knee against yours under the table. 

“Doesn’t count.” you dismissed, before sipping your coffee. “You're my best friend, you’re obligated to tell me I’m pretty.” 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.” he muttered back quietly, his expression dropping slightly. He hated when you deflected his compliments. All he ever wanted to do was make you feel good, and you made it very difficult for him when you blocked every swing he took at the wall of insecurity that Cam had built around you. He would kill Cam if he could. 

You let out an apologetic sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder. 

“M’sorry, you’re right. I love you for that, the only thing keeping me sane.” 

Your heart squeezed as he hugged you back. 

Calum was perfect, he was sweet, and funny, and quite literally your favorite person on earth. Not to mention you had been hopelessly in love with him since practically the beginning of your friendship. But as his best friend you had heard over and over just how uninterested he was in a relationship. Everytime you would ask about his love life he would just respond, 

“I’m just not the boyfriend type, m’not cut out for it.” shrugging nonchalantly. 

Which you thought was laughable because anyone would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend, in fact sometimes you would let yourself pretend he was yours. 

Like,in a busy club with his hands on your hips, guiding you through the crowds. So close behind, you could feel each exhale on the back of your neck, as his eyes darted around the room to ensure there weren’t any potential threats to your safety, in the form of drunk overzealous flirts. Or after a night out when he got cuddly and clingy, and would find his way from the couch into your bed. You’d wake up with his cheek pressed against your chest and his arms snaked around your torso as he released soft breaths that caused goosebumps to rise on your exposed skin. You’d let yourself imagine that you had this every morning and that he would wake up any minute to smother your face in kisses and tell you he loved you. And of course, here he was again this morning being so thoughtful and kind and everything you wanted in a boyfriend. And here you were again swimming in his praises and physically having to restrain yourself from kissing him. 

Begrudgingly, you pulled away and stood up. 

“Gonna get changed.” you spoke. 

“I’m making us breakfast.” Calum called as you walked away. You hummed in response and slipped into your room. 

Once in the privacy of your own room you quickly pulled on a pair of leggings and a hoodie before scurrying to the bathroom sink and splashing cold water on your face in hopes of ridding yourself of any romantic thoughts towards your best friend.

Although you weren’t aware, Calum was doing the very same thing just a few feet away. Internally reminding himself repeatedly that it was never gonna happen with you. He wasn’t good enough to be anyone’s boyfriend, let alone yours. You didn’t want him that way and he could almost trick himself into believing that he was okay with that.

You hastily finished brushing your teeth before returning to the kitchen. You were greeted with the sight of Calum’s back, he stood over the toaster cutting an avocado and humming a song you didn’t recognize quietly to himself.  He looked over his shoulder as your footsteps approached. 

“Hungry?” he questioned. 

“You have no idea.” you affirmed, as he fixed a plate for you both. 

“Good. I was thinking we could watch something while we eat,” 

“Fine with me.” you responded, hoping he wouldn’t notice the distraction laced in your voice. Your focus had easily been stolen from the conversation to how easy it was to see his back muscles flex through the thin material of his jumper. 

But of course he did, it was Calum after all. 

“Y’alright?” he said, handing you a plate. 

“Uh, yep.” you rushed out. 

“Not still thinking about Cam, are you?” 

“No, not at all.” you answered honestly, walking to the couch, Calum trailing closely behind you. 

“Then what’s got you all flustered?” 

“You” you thought, taking a seat in the furthest corner. 

“I’m not flustered.” 

“Bullshit” he countered, sitting practically on top of you. 

You let out a huff, and motioned to the other  completely empty side of the couch. 

“Is there a reason we aren’t practicing personal space right now?” 

He laughed softly at your question and nuzzled closer into your side. 

“Yea, you’re all pouty, looks like you need a cuddle.” 

 “I’m really fine Cal.” you shoved him lightly but saw no results, he just scooched in even closer and bit into his toast. 

The two of you sat in silence while some newly released action movie played on your TV. Calum’s arm was wrapped around your shoulders keeping you tight to his side, and although you could’ve sworn that you had been in this exact same position hundreds of times, you felt as if this were the very first time. Every single one of your nerves were on fire and the warmth that had flooded your body was making you antsy. 

Feeling overwhelmed by your senses, you allowed your eyes to flutter close with a deep inhale. 

“You okay?” Calum whispered, dipping his head down slightly to reach your ear.

You opened your mouth to respond but didn’t trust your voice to protrude through your shaky exhales, settling for a subdued nod instead. 

“You sure?” his words were long and drawled out, despite your eyes being closed you knew his proximity from the feeling of his breath just behind your ear. 

Before you could speak up his hand secured itself just above your knee, and your muscles flexed involuntarily at the contact. 

“Relax, y/n” he continued, his thumb beginning to run repeatedly over a spot on your inner knee. 

Everything in your brain was screaming at you to excuse yourself, maybe even kick him out, anything to gain some space and hopefully some clarity from the cloud of sexual tension that was looming over the two of you and blurring boundaries at lightning speed. But you were essentially frozen in place, petrified that any movement would alert Calum to the way he was affecting you. 

Your head lolled back to rest on his forearm which was lying behind you on the couch and finally peeled your eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. 

He watched you from the corner of his eye, taking note of every rise and fall of your chest, every thick swallow of your throat. 

If there was one thing Calum was well versed in, it was his ability to read you, he liked to think he knew you better than anyone else in the world. He could tell exactly how you were feeling just by watching you, your face, your breathing and he was more than shocked when he started getting the feeling you were no longer upset but something far more appealing. 

Were you turned on? Right here in his presence? The thought made blood rush to his dick, which twitched in his pants when another breathy sigh passed your lips. 

“What’re you thinking about, love?” 

Everything in you urged you to answer honestly, just tell him the truth. “You, I’m thinking about you. I’m always thinking about you.” But you couldn’t do that, so instead you deflected. 

“What’re you thinking about?” you countered, meeting his eyes. 

Calum questioned his next words very carefully, debating whether or not he could recover if he was wrong about what you were feeling and you shut him down. It was pointless though, he knew he would never recover from your rejection. He also knew that spontaneous combustion wouldn’t look very good on his tombstone and that’s exactly what would happen if he spent one more minute not kissing you. 

Fuck it. 

“That pretty little set you had on last night.” he confessed. 

That you weren’t expecting. 

A quiet whine rang from your throat and you were far too affected to feel embarrassed. 

And that did it, Calum was now impossibly hard in his pants, no doubt leaking precum onto his boxer briefs. He needed to get his hands on you, now. 

His hand started to slowly travel up your thigh, goosebumps rising on every centimeter they passed. 

“So gorgeous in red, aren’t ya y/n?”

“Cal,” you hissed when his thumb brushed the sensitivity of your inner thigh. 

“Mm.” he hummed. “It’d be pretty hard fo’me to stop right now, but I will if that’s what you want. Is that what you want, love?” 

He was sure he’d cry if he had to let go of you now, but he needed to hear you say it. 

“No, don’t wanna stop.” you whined, turning your body flush to his.

“Whaddya want then, baby? Hm?” You could feel his every word on the flushed skin of your neck as he leaned into the crook.

“Want you.” 

He could’ve came then and there. 

“Then I’m all yours.” he admitted before crashing his lips on yours. 

Your heart was in your stomach as his tongue entered your mouth, explorative and eager. He was too busy memorizing your taste to notice your fingers tugging at his sweater. You attempted to push it up desperate to feel his skin under your hands. You were able to pull the fabric up about halfway before they were blocked by his arms that were holding you close against him.

Calum laughed when you pulled apart from the kiss, giving him a disappointed look. 

“Want it off?” he teased. 

You couldn’t bother to be embarrassed when you nodded eagerly in response. He didn’t waste any time peeling the fabric off of his skin, and you were quick to lightly run a finger across the ink feather just below his collarbone. 

Now it was his turn to tug on your clothes, “Level the playing field?” 

You nodded, lifting your arms and allowing him to lift the sweatshirt over your head leaving your chest completely bare. Calum groaned at the sight of your tits, his hands quickly finding your waist and tugging you down to lay on your back in one swift motion. 

Once you were laid out in front of him he took the opportunity to explore the new skin. His hands left a lingering warmth as they dragged across your stomach and despite the kind words and endearing demeanor that he always upheld with you, you found yourself shying under his gaze, wanting to curl away from him. As your hands began to wrap around your stomach in an attempt to cover yourself up he quickly pushed them away, locking them in place on either side of you. 

“Wanna see everything baby, all of you.” he cooed in your ear before nipping at the lobe. 

His kisses began to travel down your neck, sucking a few marks to your collar bones and the surrounding areas. When his fingers grazed over a fresh bruise in the dip just between your neck and shoulders you hissed lightly. 

“You look so pretty marked up for me. All mine, aren’t you baby? Not Cam’s, mine. Say it.” 

“Yours, Cal.” you admitted, feeling your body sink further into the couch. You had never felt drunk off of someone’s words before and the experience was leaving you sputtering, completely compliant to your best friend. 

He hummed contently at your confession, his large hands gripping at your hips, before slowly peeling your leggings off.

“Y’feel so good in my hands, like you were made for me.” his thumbs poking at the soft skin, just beneath your panties. 

The feeling of his hands so close to where you needed them, but not quite there was driving you crazy. 

“Cal, please.” you begged. 

He groaned before tugging at the cotton covering you. “Cam’s a fucking idiot, y’know that? He had the prettiest girl in the world and treated her like shit. I’d never do that, wanna worship you baby.” 

It was ridiculous how overwhelmed his words were leaving you, all desperate and squirming. As his fingers met the soaked expanse of your cunt you couldn’t hold back the throaty moan it elicited. 

A pornographic sigh followed close behind, one that made Calum want to pinch himself to ensure he wasn’t in the midst of a haunting dream. 

“Soaked f’me darling.” he mused, running his fingers up and down your folds to completely coat you in your arousal. You whimpered at the feeling, bucking your hips up desperate for friction. 

Tutting while shaking his head, he used one hand on your lower stomach to press you back down to the couch. 

“Stay still for me won’t you, love?” he cooed, continuing to run his fingers over your core lightly. 

When you bobbed your head up and down in agreement he lifted your leg to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your calf. 

“Hm, good girl.” he praised, softly laying your leg back down. 

Calum hovered above you, dipping his head down every so often to peck at your chest, his fingers still unrelenting. The knot in your lower stomach tightened every second that passed and you felt like you could scream at any second, yearning to be full. 

Calum felt like he could burst any minute himself but was determined to make this experience the best of your life. He wanted to give you something to remember, a reason to want more. 

Your soft moans and frustrated grunts alerted him to your neediness and he was just about ready to give in for the both of you. 

“What do you need from me, baby?” he said against your shoulder before peppering kisses across your collar bones. 

You could only respond with an airy moan when his fingers found your clit. 

“Hm? My fingers?” You shook your head aggressively. He knew exactly what you wanted, the tease. 

“No? Want my mouth?” he teased further, leaving an opened mouth kiss in between your tits. 

“Cal,” you sighed. “Fuck me, please.”

He groaned at your words, nipping lightly at the skin before ridding himself of his pants. 

“You’re a fucking dream, y’know that?” he praised, desperately searching for a condom in his pants. When he finally located one he held it up to you as if it were a prized possession, smiling proudly at his own preparedness. 

He hastily freed himself from the constraints of his boxers and rolled the condom on, never once taking his eyes off of the blissful expression on your face. 

“Ready?” he questioned, his tip lightly pressing at your entrance. You nodded and sucked in a breath, bracing yourself for the stretch, your eyes falling closed in the process. 

When a few seconds went by and nothing happened you opened your eyes to find Calum staring down at you in awe. 

“Cal,” you whined. “what’re you doing?” 

Your words seemed to break him from his trance, he shook his head and muttered an apology to you. 

“Sorry, fuck you’re pretty. You’ve got no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” 

“Then stop waiti-” your words were cut off by a sharp hiss that couldn’t have been prevented as his length finally pressed into you. 

“Fuck.” Calum groaned his head falling back. You felt too good around him, seriously he was fucked, completely ruined for you. 

You felt the exact same as your silky moans filled the room. You had never been filled this good and you questioned how you had gone so long without this. 

“M-move” you sighed, clenching around him. 

You could hear his breath catch at the feeling and he grunted out a strained, “Need a minute.” 

He held himself in place for a few more seconds until his breaths began to even out once again before pulling nearly all the way out and slamming back in. 

You yelped, pulling your lip between your teeth in hopes to drown the sound. 

He continued slamming into you at an unrelenting pace, taking notice of each time your eyes would roll back when he brushed against your g-spot. He could write a book about how good you looked all fucked for him. 

As his thrusts grew closer together you could feel your release creeping up on you.  

“Cal, need’ta cum.” you stuttered out. 

His hands tightened around your hips, pulling you even closer to him as his head poked at that spot again. 

“Go on baby, let go.” he encouraged, willing himself to hold out a little longer as your walls fluttered around him. 

Once you had came it only took him about three more thrusts before he was painting the condom with his release, groaning your name as his hand searched for yours to intertwine them as he came down from his own high. 

  His body flopped next to yours on the couch, both of you struggling to fit next to each other in such a small space, not that either of you minded the close quarters. 

Your fingers remained laced together as you caught your breath, Calum peppering kisses to your shoulder and mumbling praises into your skin. 

“You’re an angel. God, I just- I love you.” he said, causing your head to snap in his direction. 

He looked like a deer in headlights when you asked for him to repeat himself. 

“I love you?” he obliged.

“Is it a question?” 

“No, I’m just not used to saying it.” he admitted, vulnerability clear in his eyes. 

You wanted to kiss away the worried crease in his forehead but instead pressed your lips to his, pulling apart a fraction of an inch to speak after a few seconds.

“I love you too.” you ensured. 

Calum eyes widened, not expecting you to say it back, at least not so soon. He had so much he wanted to say to you but figured all of it could be summed up by another kiss to your soft lips. So he closed the distance once again, using a bit more force this time in hopes it would convey the strength of his feelings for you.