#I am aware there is a very small niche of people that will understand what this means

[magic-multicolored-miracle]

Volo gives me strong Hugh Fitzcairn vibes.

[yermes]

You must not look externally for validation in magic when you just simply are the magic 🪄

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Pick a meme

123

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Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

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The void

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The cards

Justice ⚖️ 

I hate to be there are “fake profits” type of mf but you should know pookie: people lie about their magical and spiritual prowess. The people who talk to much have nothing to show and they string along the feeble minded enough to profit. To actually be aware of these thing you cannot get your knowledge and practice from external places for your internal ecosystem is a reflection of divinity and your interpretation is going to be the way which works for you. Theres nothing wrong with inspiration and pretty things but don’t let you get in the way of the divine vengeance that will take down these fake mf for you.

II of swords ⚔️ 

I think you aren’t very solid in yourself and your version of yourself. So finding a place to start to claim a magical stand point is difficult. I think you are putting off deep thought on this topic bc tbfh its very daunting and it is hard to know where to start. But the answer pookie? The basics you will not be summoning sezy demons day one you have to work into it. Plus the study of self and evidently the study of magic is precisely that: a study. It takes time and patience, just start small and grow you don’t have to be grand.

IX of wands 🖌️

Babe I think you are tired of the weird ass: we are the witches you cannot burn aesthetic and the mainstream popularity. I think you want a group or community of some kind which has a similar perspective and personality to you. While again, a practice is a lifestyle not an aesthetic I think we are all collectively tired of the one kind of aesthetic, one kind of thought process, and only one kind of mainstream. Why can’t more creative more niche practices be popular? I think we need to understand that creativity and beauty extends to all spaces and inspiration of the world around us is limitless

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Extras: ☕️

Story/vent:

My tests went so well stressed over nothing will take bubble bath today

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[deadguywalkin]

seb+sam+alex hcs because i am STILL gay and extremely evil + some pre t seb hcs because… sigh

( sam+alex centric!! aside from the last part )

cw: dramatic switch from ‘yeah alex and sam are traumatized’ to ‘sam likes boobs’. that pretty much sums this up. (minimal nsfw and most of it is jokey)

jewelry:

alex: minimal. no rings or bracelets because they get in the way. ‘does sam’s pick count? c’mon, i’m an edgy boy too!!’

sam: medium. face piercings and some rings

sebastian: not actually that much, but he only wears silver. gothic necklaces of dragons on swords, silver rings, and the likes. maybe even a blood vial.

hands:

alex: missing his whole index finger?? big big hands with some little scars. engulfs whoever’s hand he’s holding.

sam: calloused fingers, tiny scars from hurting himself a lot on accident. he has very shaky hands. also has his little memory bands

sebastian: thin fingers and careful, steady hands. chipped black nail polish. there is more of a reddish tint on his knuckles.

—————

sebastian carries bandaids on him because sam is an idiot and alex is also an idiot (they’re not idiots they just have 0 spatial awareness)

alex wears sam’s guitar pick as a necklace. i refuse to draw him without it

alex carries their band equipment when sam whines about being too lazy to do it

seb never gets scared during horror movies or any horror experiences. however samalex are gripping onto each other like they’re about to die

alex cannot bear to watch super violent graphic stuff for obvious reasons. sambastian will always skip those parts ahead in movies for him because they already know. not that he can’t do it himself, but it’s just a small gesture.

alex is a huge ‘i’m sorry, did i do something wrong? I’m really sorry. you can tell me if i did.’ kind of guy when the vibes are off. he just has a fear of being useless or annoying and needs to be reassured.

sam needs to be reassured that he doesn’t have to always take care of everyone or constantly be the emotional support beacon. he also needs some support and to take a break!!

sam just has his best friends memorized by heart. ‘you were gonna ask abbie to hang out..? bro, don’t you know? she’s gonna have a headache tomorrow.’

sam has a habit of biting at his lips, ‘my mouth gets bored!

samalex are insanely emotionally intelligent, compassionate and understanding even if they’re not all there. they’re more tender and sweet when it comes to someone opening up and just know exactly what to say and what they need to hear.

on sebs end, he’s pretty bad at reading people and understanding everyone even if he’s smarter than the other two are. he’s quick to get it but doesn’t know how to comfort people and is more of a chill ‘oh.. that sucks, dude. me too, anyways, wanna light a blunt and talk about it?’ kind of guy

^^ he’s only good at that stuff when it comes to understanding books/movies/music. that’s where it’s over for samalex (sam aside from the music part

“what are you watching?”

“a 6 hour commentary video about sonic.exe”

“adventure time!!”

“black mirror.”

“oh..”

(sam has a short attention span but locks in when it comes to commentary videos about random niche shit)

pre-t trans seb down here

alex to pre top surgery seb: “c’mere.. stress balls”

post top surgery seb to alex: “c’mere.. stress balls.”

sam just enjoys having his face stuffed in boobs. doesn’t care wether they’re pecs ‘boobs’ or regular boobs.

seb is confident in his gender pre t or not. he’s more of a ‘i genuinely believe and know i am a man’ than a ‘i want to be a man’

..as confident as he is and as much as he loves them, he feels a slight resentment to samalex because he just feels this hint of jealousy and insecurity around them. they’re just such big representations of masculinity. it makes him feel a little sick that he feels that way because he knows he should love and appreciate them for being patient, he just can’t help it. he will find himself comparing them to him.

sebastian randomly showed up at sam’s house on a random night when he was younger and came out to him before he asked for help cutting all of his hair off. he already had his emo shag but ended up keeping it 

seb has a hard time remembering to take his binder off.. though it makes him feel better in his skin, his ribs are about to explode.

cuddling and then a hand just reaches up and.. squeeze (seb doesn’t even question it)

this ones a bit of a shorter dump;p

[utilitycaster]

This has been a long time percolating but I want to push back on the frequent criticism (that I am almost certainly guilty of myself) that people who don't get something have never played D&D (or the game in question) or have never been a DM/GM.

I definitely think that experience playing or running TTRPGs helps with an understanding of actual play as a medium; but it takes a certain level of awareness anyway, and I think it's very possible for someone who understands the give and take of a game but hasn't played it to have a strong grasp of how it works. Similarly, I think it's entirely possible for someone who has played to not realize the intricacies of their house rules vs. how other people play the same game, or to just not be familiar with every single detail.

But I think a bigger reason why, at minimum, we should be careful about this criticism, is that a lot of the time the things people don't understand or appreciate are ultimately about narrative and storytelling in general, rather than about D&D/TTRPGs specifically. For example: I find a lot of people do not handle the fact that NPCs are generally given less agency within the story. This is something of a function of TTRPGs...but it's not uncommon for people watching scripted media to similarly fixate on relatively minor characters and fail to understand why they remain minor, and why the protagonists get all the action. Similarly, not understanding an ensemble cast and the idea that focus will not be doled out in precisely equivalent increments but is rather character-dependent is not exclusive to actual play, nor is treating things as too contrived. I think, actually, a little knowledge of TTRPGs but no strong grasp on narrative/media criticism actually exacerbates this problem: TTRPGs have a random element, so people sometimes expect randomness even in places it normally would not exist. I will say that this is a case where GM-ing experience might innoculate you, but someone who is neither a GM nor a player but has a strong understanding of how to tell stories will also probably take no issue.

I also think that understanding the rules of actual play are not the same as understanding the rules of TTRPGs - it's much more high level, especially when it comes to (for example) combat in games like D&D and Pathfinder. You do not need to understand action economy in depth, for example - it can add something, definitely, but it's not a requirement for the story on the whole - but you do need to understand that combat is an important part of this story. All of this is pretty easy for someone paying attention, even if they aren't familiar with the game. They just need to understand that the medium has specific rules, and then grasp what they are.

I actually think the above - understanding that there are rules for the medium - is something where getting too into the weeds is a detriment. This is in fact why I think a lot of discussion of scripted adaptations of things based in actual play or TTRPGs (TLOVM, the D&D movie) misses the point. It focuses too much on specific mechanics when the goal is the storytelling. This can also be true within actual play itself. Rule of Cool is very subjective, but there are fairly widespread house rules: many people ignore the fact that small races can't have heavy weapons, because this is frankly stupid in a world where the magic armor shrinks to fit you and few people bother with the details of encumbrance or size for any other strength-based checks anyway. Don't get me wrong - I love mechanics and think there's a place to debate them and talk about what one might have done differently - but that place exists outside the larger story and isn't really relevant anywhere but those niche side conversations about mechanics. I'm not really a pure "as long as we're all having fun :)" kind of person, but I also do think it's absolutely vital to understand that rules and structure exist to facilitate something, and not for their own sake; people who forget that and only focus on the rules tend to lose sight of the actual goal (which for TTRPGs as used in Actual Play is telling a story).

I think the place this gets even more fraught than all the above is when we get into broader and more nebulous and subjective TTRPG philosophies or the limits of what stories can be told (the infamous Player Agency debates and by extension railroading; understanding what kinds of scenes a given game can support) because they are both unique to the medium but not governed by clear rules. But even then I think what's ultimately more important is picking up the type of story from a baseline, rather than relying on one's own personal positions. For example: D&D as a system has in my opinion some pretty profound limitations when it comes to heists - it's possible, but it's not designed for that to be the main story. There is absolutely a scenario in which you, as a D&D player in your home game, can run a wonderful heist. But the question is really "does this actual play tell this story well? Does the TTRPG system support and add to it, or is it merely accommodated" and answering the first question requires no D&D knowledge whatsoever, and answering the second requires a degree of compartmentalization that not all D&D players have.

So in the end - there are scenarios in which knowledge of the system an actual play is using, or being a GM, are uniquely helpful, but that's mostly in the area of mechanics. Most of the rest will be better addressed by having a strong sense of narrative structure, characterization, and how to tell a story; and focusing on tiny mechanical details can even be a detriment to understanding if one becomes fixated on perfect rules as written over, well, having fun.

[small-strong-bookish-butch]

Y'know, for being a test designed for autistic people to take and self-score, the RAADS test sure has confusing language

I thought there should be a "I don't understand the question enough to answer (because I'm taking the question and answer too literally)" button at least 8 times, and the test has 80 questions total

The test: do you use [the analogy of] a stack of notecards or a filing cabinet and flip through them to recall your memories in your head?

Me: No, I don't do that! [can't remember how I do recall memories]

The test: Do you feel similar emotions as the characters when you're watching a TV show or movie?

Me: Sometimes? Like I don't really get it when people are straight or very emotionally stable, but like, I guess I do other times

The test: I only talk to people who share my speciifc special interests

Me: kind of, but no? I like talking to people who know about brain weirdness and queerness more, but I do talk to straight people and strangers when I need to. If I only talked to people who were only interested in what I'm interested in, I wouldn't ever talk to anyone else about niche books I like

The test: how food feels in my mouth is more important than flavor to me

Me: No!! Because if it's a bad flavor that I can't stand (i.e. peppers) that's very important and I can't eat it. Checkmate ✅😎 [emoji description: green checkmark and sunglasses emoji]

The test: I get highly confused when someone interrupts me when I am talking about something I am very interested in.

Me: Do I? I don't know if I do. I guess I don't think about getting confused, because the point gets across that they're trying to talk about something else at the moment and that that means I'm supposed to stop talking about my thing

The test: I have a normal rhythm when I speak

Me: Now what the hell is this all about? Is this something I should be aware of? Is this something people comment on in normal conversation that I'm not aware of?? Do I possibly have a normal speech rhythm and no one has thought to mention it to me??

The test: I can make small talk with people

Me: Yeah I can, but like, it feels like nails scraping on a chalkboard, so does that count? I physically am able to do it but I much prefer not to

Me: Much of my experience with autism is being able to do social and psychological things and burning myself out, and figuring things out from many years of watching people, and preferring to not to do things that cause burnout, but I'm unsure how to stop doing them at this point. That's kind of my whole problem about this, actually

The test: I can tell when someone says one thing but means something else.

Me: what 👏 is 👏 this 👏 all 👏 about 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏? [emoji description: hand clapping emojis between each word and several at the end of the sentence] If this means 'I can tell when someone doesn't want to be talking to me currently', then yes, absolutely. If this means sarcasm, I can figure it out most of the time based on other context clues. If this means someone being passive aggressive, then yes, that's how I was raised. If this means an inside joke or a cultural joke about cis people's gender that everyone is supposed to relate to, then I think that's ridiculous and it has no meaning to me.

[the-anxious-skeleton]

Hi! I don’t know if this should be a question or if I just wanted someone to listen, but I appreciate you having asks open.

So I have really bad anxiety, both general and social anxiety. It’s usually manageable in real life because I have really good friends that are emotionally supportive. But this situation feels kinda stupid to bother my friends about and I was embarrassed. They also don’t use Tumblr, so it would’ve been harder to explain.

I started a Tumblr blog a couple of days ago. It was just a small thing to write about characters for games and shows I was into. I made a pinned intro including groups I didn’t want to interact with the blog. I think the exact wording included “racists, homophobes, transphobes, furries - basically anyone with anything gross / hateful / offensive to say”. I didn’t see a problem with this at the time, however, not too long ago I got an anon ask that read “Seriously? Lumping furries with transphobes and homophobes? What’s wrong with you lmao”

In hindsight, I can totally see their point. I was undermining the severity of other hateful groups because, obviously, furries aren’t anything comparable to those things and have nothing to do with them. Even if I didn’t intend that in anyway, it could still undermine those sensitive topics and offend another group of people that have nothing to do with those things.

However, due to my anxiety, I guess I got triggered and panicked. I deleted my blog not too long after I read the message. I already have a lot going on with tests and stuff and I didn’t think it through. I should’ve apologized and held myself accountable. I would say it was be removing myself from a situation I wasn’t mentally prepared for, but I feel like I just ran away from a situation even though I knew I was in the wrong. I feel guilty.

I feel that my anxiety makes it so I cannot handle an online space. I am a creative, both an artist and writer, so I crave validation for my work from a large amount of people. But if I do so much as make a small mistake or do something unintentionally, I panic and isolate myself again. And then I feel worse because I feel like I’m running away from my problems. It’s like a bad cycle.

I’m sorry if this ask is too long or rambling, but I felt like talking to someone from the same platform would make it a bit easier for them to understand. I’m probably making this a way bigger issue than it is or maybe not. I get so in my head sometimes it’s hard to tell, and I hope that makes sense. Thank you once again and I hope you have a very nice day :)

Hey. I'm so glad you reached out!

I encountered a situation very similar to this on my main blog. I basically posted something very triggering to some people and didn't tag it properly. I added broad mental health related tags instead of more specific tags that would have appealed to a niche group that would have understood what I was talking about without being triggered. Someone submitted an anonymous ask, very kindly brought the inappropriate tagging to my attention. I was wildly embarrassed and wanted to curl up and die. I deleted the post and apologized in response to the ask. This really hurt my feelings and made me feel really stupid. In retrospect, I really appreciate that person pointing out the issue in a respectful manner. It helped me become more aware of how the Tumblr community works and helped me understand that I needed to be conscious of other people's situations. The best thing you can do at this point is to rebuild a blog for your work, and if you aren't sure about something you're posting, ask a friend, or of course, send me a message and I can help. I hope this was helpful and made sense. I am very proud of you for recognizing your mistake and growing from that. Everyone makes mistakes, but not many take the initiative to grow from them. Again, let me know if there is anything else I can help you with! Everything will be alright, you got this!

[asachuu]

(3/10)

Part 2: what exactly is Rimlaine?

[List of all parts]

[Part 1]

I’m counting on the fact that some people reading this might not be too familiar with this ship, or perhaps they’re wondering why it gained some noteworthy popularity after Stormbringer’s release to a point I would find this an important essay to write, just in case. For this part, I will try to explain the very basic concept of it, where it seemed to originate and why I think it appeals to others. While detailed recollections of light novel events only come after this section, I must also give a fair warning that from this point onwards, I do expect people to have read both 15/SB novels, at least to understand the vague context of what I will be talking about, or to simply not mind spoilers.

Rimlaine, for those who aren’t that aware, is a ship between Arthur Rimbaud/Randou and Paul Verlaine from BSD. It had a fairly small, niche audience since the release of Fifteen, but has gained quite a fair share of liking compared to its early days since Stormbringer came out. Granted, it’s absolutely nowhere near the levels of ships such as Soukoku or Shin Soukoku, but it certainly is more noticeable nowadays due to SB practically introducing Paul to the story properly, especially if you enter spaces centered around these two light novels or the two characters involved.

Now, what makes this ship appealing to people? In a certain way, I don’t quite know myself. I have never even considered it might be taken this way by the fandom back when I read the first light novel and I wasn’t able to change my mind down the line, either. However, I am somewhat familiar with the “concepts” it seems to portray and have seen some similar, much more beloved equivalents to it in other pieces of media, and I’ve also heard it be discussed many times to a degree I believe I have gained some possible understanding of the community, and thus will try to assess it this way without looking at it through my own lens. A far more detailed assessment will only be in further parts, though.

From the beginning, at the time of Fifteen being the only novel featuring Arthur and a cameo of Paul at the very end in it, the main thing I noticed was that it being so close to an actual, canonical relationship made a handful of people simply accept it as such, which became quite a prevalent talking point in this topic back then. As is obvious from the start, Bungou Stray Dogs is a series with characters based on actual authors, and many noticeably take up more traits after their real-world counterparts than simply sharing a name or their abilities being referred to by titles of their books. In the case of Arthur and Paul, one of these traits could have been the real-life poets’ actual relationship, but this was never confirmed in the story itself, nor even truly mentioned to begin with besides the pair having been “partners” at one point in time. This, unsurprisingly, caught some people’s attention– a few of those simply took it as a fact regarding the BSD characters despite no actual evidence of it, all while another few have not done so explicitly, but still began thinking of it this way due to the implications it had, no matter what the story itself stated and how the characters referred to each other, even back then. Either way, from my personal experience, the vast majority of people interested in the ship at the time always brought this up in one way or another.

I should also mention that a much smaller number have unfortunately seemed to blur the lines of reality and fiction in this area to almost unsettling extents, which I will talk about in a part entirely dedicated to the pair’s real-life counterparts, as it comes hand-in-hand with this topic.

So then, if the real people were in a relationship, isn’t it only natural to assume their namesakes would be too? At least, that’s what I think some of you might be asking now. To that I say yes, but even this has its nuances. I will elaborate on it a bit further later, but the real relationship was nothing short of a toxic, abusive mess, and had the fandom at the time wanted to see something depicting precisely what it was, that would be mostly understandable and not something I would fight against, given what the BSD series is about and how it creates its characters, but I presume many people simply saw the words “were in a relationship” and thought no further of it, especially that it was a queer relationship— a thing I’ve seen a lot of folks wish for in their respective fandoms for a sense of comfort, happiness or visibility. Still, that changes absolutely nothing about how destructive it truly was, and there is nothing wrong with wishing to see the true time it was supposedly based off of, even just to some degree that would have also fit in with the actual plot of the media itself, yet it seemed to me that this was the opposite of the case. The instances I saw someone genuinely not sugarcoat anything or erase whatever information was available to everyone back then regarding both the real and fictional worlds were so rare, I could count them on one of my hands alone.

Now, our lack of canonical information changes vastly in Stormbringer, a novel following Fifteen, released three years afterwards. In it, we get an actual look into Arthur and Paul’s backstory, as well as their time spent together. Personally, this novel only furthered my own views even more, but there are now some points– or rather, fictional tropes– people are relating this ship to. In some way, they do serve as a fair summary of it. I’ve heard it be described as tropes related to a character hating the whole world, yet only loving a single person in it, or two characters who ran out of time and missed their opportunities, even a very skewed “enemies to lovers”, and so on. I suppose I can see some of them too, except only as a mere recollection of the events, nothing else. All these outlines and some more I haven’t mentioned can absolutely be done right, even in the context of romantic ships, this is not to imply something is inherently wrong with them– unfortunately, however, Rimlaine doesn’t strike me as an example of that whatsoever. For some of these, there really is a thin line to be walked between making a tragic, yet healthy friendship/romance/etc., and making something which should not be put on a pedestal in any way. I’m not quite sure where the intentions lay with this pairing as I am not the author of the BSD novels themselves, if there even were such intentions in the first place as I believe it was meant to follow its real-life inspirations, but I’d say they must have been far closer to the latter category, to which they ended up falling entirely either way.

I will add a minor side note here, one I’m continuing from the previous part, I am placing no fault on the creator of BSD nor on anyone else who happens to create this type of content, no matter what it is, as that is a thing I and many others have also done ourselves. Creating a story is one thing, and whether we like it or not, these stories do exist in real life as well and shouldn’t be a secret, taboo topic, but actively taking that story and romanticizing it yourself is another matter, that of which is the part I do not condone.

Nevertheless, following this novel, Rimlaine gained its fair share of popularity, no longer being the ship with fans so far underground one would have to actively dig to find a lot of them. Since we got their canonical interactions, at least to some degree, people could see the way they talked together, worked together and so on. For me, that’d be a major thing I’d closely assess even just thinking about it if this was a pairing that I was already uncertain about, but I don’t think that was the case for many others. I believe, or rather, wish to believe the actual point of interest from there on came from the used tropes themselves and the tragedy it all was destined to be from the very beginning, not so much from the true dynamic between the two. Now, I certainly am not opposed to reading, watching or playing things which are intended to cause nothing but sorrow and I can also see where this appeal comes from, too, but that still doesn’t quite clear everything up. It was intended to be a tragedy, and that’s about it— whether it’s “beautiful” or “lovely”, as some have called it, is solely up to the reader’s personal tastes and opinions, however I absolutely do not believe there’s anything about it to be romanticized, which is what seems to be happening instead of mere appreciation of the story or proper acknowledgement of what occurred to give inspiration to it.

With that said, all the context for my statements, if necessary for the reader, will be provided in the next section in detail. Now, let me begin talking about the novels themselves.

[Part 3, 3.1, 3.2]

[jozigist]

What does it take to stand out from the crowd?

What does it take to stand out from the crowd? Like most of us, Larry Soffer used to believe that his success both on and off the stage, was all about getting that one lucky break. But then he had a revelation – realising that success is not a one-time wonder, but a continuous process of seizing opportunities and making the most of them.

Larry's extraordinary skills have taken him from humble beginnings to international fame, performing for celebrities and royalty. But it's not just his performances that set him apart from the rest - it's his mindset.

Larry Soffer, the leading mentalist in Africa - is sharing his own life lessons and insights with the world! Whether you're a stage performer looking to make it big, an entrepreneur trying to stand out from the crowd or a small business wanting to keep your head above the competition, these five tips from Larry will help you take your game to the next level.

- Know your market Yes, you read that right. Even as an artist I study my audiences with a fine lens to better understand their likes and dislikes. That's because, just like in the business world, the principles of supply and demand are very much in play and to be successful, you need to be giving the audience what they want without stripping away your personal style and expression. I am always looking for ways to make my acts and performance more powerful and engaging for my audiences. I pride myself in having a very sophisticated brand which I have carefully curated and that appeals to my audience. When people recognise me, usually at the airport, and come up to say hello. I always ask them where they watched me perform and what they enjoyed most about the show. - Strive for perfection Life, and everything in it, is a work in progress so it's essential that we continue honing and excelling in our chosen craft. Whatever your profession, being mediocre is just not an option. To be successful, you need to be one of the best in your field, and that requires commitment and perseverance. Remember, practice makes perfect so find your niche and own it. If there are only a few people that do what you do, it immediately makes your brand unique and difficult for others to compete in that space. In the entertainment world, perfection comes in different shapes and sizes. I think it is important to be likeable, relatable, and grounded so that the audience likes you as a person in addition to what you do. The more barriers between yourself and your audience, the less likeable you will be. You must also be willing to evolve and stay relevant and consistent. - Find your why Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life. I think one of the main causes of a short-lived career is that people start out for the wrong reasons. In the entertainment world, some performers are simply seeking fame whilst in the business sector, it's all about making lots of money fast. I strongly believe that those artists who really stand the test of time are the ones that do their job because of a higher calling. Perhaps they have a message they want to share with the world, or they want to give something back. Adjust your purpose so that it focuses on what you offer others, rather than what you will gain as an individual - you will be more likely to fight harder for success. Having a big ego can easily be the death of an artist. You often see people attain a bit of success and then develop a bad attitude. No one wants to have a reputation of being a diva or of being entitled. Fame brings ease but also a lot of pressure. Once the world is aware of your established brand, then expectations are high, and it requires hard work and dedication to maintain this momentum. It is essential that you are always on the top of your game. I believe it is important to stay humble and to always treat people with respect. Good manners will get you very far in a very competitive industry. - Make your brand your business If you want to do business, you must know business. I enjoy doing courses and reading books about running a business. I manage my brand how a CEO would run a big business. I have expert service providers like accountants, and publicists to help me and I spend a great deal of my time canvassing clients and guests after the show to find out what they liked and disliked. The biggest barrier to growth is thinking you know everything. I am always willing to step out of the box and look at my business and brand from a different perspective, and then make necessary changes. I especially look at the performances from the lens of the audience. We live in a time where information is just a click away, so there is no excuse not to start learning now. Investing in your future is so important, but you need to be willing to learn and make the time for it. Reach out to people that are more successful than you, ask them questions and surround yourself with friends that also want to grow their businesses and careers. - Don't be afraid to fake it till you make it. The hustle is hard so be prepared to do whatever it takes to make your dreams a reality. When I was starting out, I was invited to be a guest on a popular TV show in Johannesburg. I was young and broke, with no money for flights or a new suit. Instead of turning it down, I took the bus to Johannesburg, and asked an upcoming fashion designer to sponsor my outfit. I also had no money for accommodation so when I arrived in Johannesburg, I changed in the bus station bathroom, did the interview, and took the bus back. Everyone must start somewhere, and it usually is not as glamorous as people perceive it to be at first. However, you must do what you can to make yourself seen, heard, and remembered. Larry inspires his audiences to believe in the impossible so that they can achieve their dreams. Follow @LarrySoffer or visit his website for more information at www.larrysoffer.com. Read the full article

[saint-starflicker]

I think you are on to something. I wrote a long-ish thing here about Richard Stirling, character construction on a spectrum between "so relatable and realistic that real-life people that knew the author now hate the author" and "obviously in service to the narrative and obviously a fictional character" (spoilers for The Secret History by Donna Tartt and the Dead Poets Society movie.)

Obviously Richard Stirling is the latter. I did not sense any moral crisis surrounding his murder...like...everybody needed him murdered, and the only reason they're "haunted" is that they didn't do that soon enough. I read it as they're recovering from the abuse he heaped on them, not so much with wrestling with the moral injury of What Have We Done, or redefining what sort of people they are who would do this thing, or growing into awareness too late that Dark Academia Richard was a fellow human being in need of patience and understanding. No, we'll have none of that. Dance on his grave.

Maybe there's a little teeny tiny bit of "redefining what sort of person am I now; who would do this evil horrible thing?" in James and Alex.

But that all has to do with how some part of them all crumbled under the pressure of their typecasting.

With Meredith I think it intersects a lot with her gender. She has a lot in common with Ivy Robinson from Bare: a Pop Opera, including the very detailed and involved fandom reasoning for how the world's view of her gender interacts with the situation that she's in, and her internal sense of her own (sapphic) sexuality, and what she does about all of it. I'm borrowing from B:aPO discourse a lot for Meredith's characterization, (rather than Alexander Avila's video essays methods for queer readings and intersectional interpretations) but TL;DR for Read More—it's Oliver telling the story so I actually don't know, because damn him Oblivious Marks. Opposite of Captain Obvious, Marks. But the intersection of Meredith's gender in society, and the requirement to perform what's in a thespian to perform, I think does at least cast doubt on the sexual orientation that she's been performing.

Meredith got a good grade in woman. Wren found a niche in which she's safe by staying cute and small—an eternal girl, rather than doing the work of defining womanhood—while Pip is "not like other girls" but not in a bad way; Pip can delegate girlygirl tasks to the experts at femininity, they keep the universe balanced—or she can be a dilettante of femininity some days, as suits her. (By the way, "I'm not like other girls so I have to delegate these girly tasks to other girls, and consult their expertise when crucial knowledge of gender in society is lacking in me" should be more of a trope. I think the world still needs a Not-Like and Other-Girls alliance. Or the other way around, the Merediths and Wrens of the world need to consult and delegate to the Pips sometimes.)

But Meredith and her hourglass body and Jessica Keenan Wynn bone structure I think means if she had Wren's personality (sensitive, social, in want of reassurance, diminutive and quiet, here for wholesome fun) then it's unlikely anybody would give Meredith what she needs or as much of it, and it's unlikely most people would leave her alone when she doesn't want attention or interactions, and it's unlikely anybody would really believe her if she tried to tell them she was sensitive and feeling fragile—or that she's in an abusive relationship.

So she can't be like Wren even if she feels like it, and she can't do what Pip does even if she wanted to. She doesn't have those freedoms. Meredith's gender presentation has her living pretty much mostly under surveillance. She can't get offstage and out of character and be just another figure in the crowd: she's too beautiful to be thought of that way. (And as per my previous essay, Projective Identification is a big thing with this theater troupe.) She's had to grow a spine whether she was that way or not, people have probably seen her as "a big girl" since she was a very young teen.

That's a curse of beauty. She's "a big girl", a grown woman who looks like she can take care of herself, she can devastate the most warriorlike heterosexual gym bros with a nose-wrinkle and a whispered "Ew", so—the world in all its patriarchy and misogyny says—if she's getting beaten up by her boyfriend, no she isn't, but if she is, and if I remember the culture of 1997 correctly, "that would be kinda hot though".

The world tells her she's not a person, she's a sex object. She got a good grade in woman, but in a patriarchy. "If she's getting beaten up by her boyfriend, no she isn't" because people think somebody who looks like that can just sashay away and get her a relatively nicer guy...and then everybody's outraged that she actually did what was expected.

I imagine she's danced with the pressure of interacting with men in this very specific way of unspoken expectations and rules, like the rest of us lower on the optic hotness scale dance with the air when we inhale and exhale.

But so...just because she gets with guys, did she want to though? Want as in like the yearning ache that goes deeper than muscle and bone, like some sharp thing had ripped a little hole right through her chest—that kind of want?

...Or was the world telling her that that's what women that look like her are always supposed to be doing, gettin' with the manly men—and she believed that, so she did it?

She could still be straight in addition to performing as hetero. She could be bisexual. She could be ace. But it's Oliver telling the story, so with the limitations of this framework, I actually as a reader do not know.

I do think the situation does cast doubt at this juncture that what we see with Meredith is exactly what we get—because societal expectations heaped on people that look like Meredith are already contradictory and impossible, and also because she's exactly at the fissure at which the dynamics of their typecasting began to break.

And finally because nobody who had anything more to lose in 1997 is going to think about their own emerging repressed queerness...when we've got to memorize lines and wrangle funding for our final university year and suck up to the teacher...and that's just so much more work that we have to think about—and that personal work is unrewarding and that we don't need. The obvious course of action is not to think about anything about yourself or your wants that's going to complicate things in an already high-pressure situation...right? Oliver.

meredith gives off strong lesbian vibes in this essay i will

[wolfspiders-web]

Scarlet and Violet have REALLY got me thinking about a Pokemon AU I've been spitballing in my head for a long while now, so I'm deciding to write it all out finally because I realized those games potentially fit nicely into it.

Two things have plagued me about the Pokemon universe, and I wanted to come up with reasons to explain them. I wanted answers to the questions of why:

..do Pokemon listen to and understand humans on a level higher than a mere animal, yet don't try to overthrow them as the superior species?

..that for all their high technology, there are little to no robots?

The idea is this takes place in our future, but in Pokemon's distant past.

(While I am aware of Scarlet/Violet leaks this write-up doesn't have any spoilers, but I'm going to include those thoughts in an optional Part 2.)

What they could burn, they burned. What they could bury, they buried. When they couldn't do either, they left far beneath the waves or the darkest depths of space and vowed to never create any wretched machinae ever again…

The creatures that would eventually become Pokemon started out innocently enough. In the beginning, in order to fund advances in biological sciences harmless but weird pets were created. These quickly became all the rage due to their fanciful forms and "magical" powers, and owning a regular cat or dog rapidly fell out of favor.

They were highly intelligent, but genetically predisposed to listen to their owner or "trainer" and the Types available would be very basic in ability and based on things you'd see in nature (Normal, Flying, Bug, Poison, Grass, etc). The "pocket" ability that would compress them into a small area such as a hollow ball was not understood well even by their own creators, but it made transporting the creatures much easier.

Genetics wasn't the only thing advancing, robotics and AI were too. While the proto-Pokemon were created with complete loyalty to humans in mind, the machines were autonomous, both in thinking and refueling on any biomass* they can find, and designed for ever-escalating global wars.

(you might think I snagged this from the Horizon: Zero Dawn series, but this article about people being concerned of a robot self-feeding on biomass has been stuck in my head before that game was ever thought of, the difference is we just didn't listen)

This is where it all went horribly, horribly wrong. Singularity was reached and an AI took control of nearly all technology, creating a robot hivemind that desired to replace inefficient organic life. The last of the megafauna goes extinct and ecosystems collapse, only to be replaced by robots, and humanity teeters on a razor's edge. In a desperate bid a handful of Pokemon Centers started to modify their cute companion creatures into weapons in their own right, creating offensive Types like Fire, Electric, Steel, Dragon, etc., and work on the Mythicals and Legendaries (sans modern ones like Mewtwo, Genesect, Type: Null, etc.) starts.

These Pokemon are functionally immortal with extremely long lifespans and high intelligence. Even so even they must eventually die, being reborn with their memories passed on to a sole heir; the parent doesn't survive long past this parthenogenesis. Some were designed to terraform and purify war-ravaged areas, others to lead, and others were simply biological nuclear bombs meant to level entire armies of robots.

Desperate humans also inject themselves with Pokemon strains which eventually turn them into proto-Ghost, Fighting, and Psychic types, and the first Humanshape Pokemon appear. Mew, the first prototype and a living bank of all Pokemon genes, was modified into a Mythical with the help of a strain pulled from one of these early Psychics.

Months turn into years but finally, the war is won and the master computer is destroyed. The earth will never be the same ever again; old maps are useless, the scars of war still linger, and Pokemon begin to fill empty ecological niches. The Legendaries and Mythicals, their purpose fulfilled, are left with a bitter taste in their mouth over humanity's mistakes and their purpose as mere weapons instead of companion creatures. They peacefully retreat to remote corners of the earth to be left alone, deep space, or sleep between the layers of our reality and the next. Though they remember, even for creatures as powerful as they it was immensely traumatizing and so they Do Not Speak of the times of smoke, metal, and blood.

Humanity begin to rebuild but not without some tension between "pure" folk and the modified ones. Eventually most of these modified humans slip into the wild, while the least mutated/most "normal" ones stay to pass down genetics that give their descendants minor powers (Psychics). And many Pokemon went wild or feral, but never completely lost their ability to obey humanity.

Thousands of years pass, and the scars have long since gone. Pokemon no longer resemble their original forms, having adapted to their environments over the centuries or from selective breeding by humans. No written records survive of the Great Robot War, and the unchanging and ever-remembering Legendaries and Mythicals aren't speaking of those times.

Perhaps this is for the better. But without knowing the past, history may eventually repeat itself one day..

[deadendtracks]

we feel like we're this small niche subculture that no one pays attention to -- or at least that was what my mindset was, because that used to be true.

but fandom has been coopted, manipulated, etc by propagandists of all sorts. used in their wars without your necessarily understanding that's what's happening. we're the testing ground for propaganda. where do you think whoever it was that started Q-Anon got the idea?

someone has studied us. i was a little worried about this kind of thing when fandom studies became big, to be honest, but it felt paranoid at the time. and i'm absolutely not blaming fandom studies for this; i am saying that i do think it contributed to people realizing the power of fandom and deciding they can use it.

but Q-Anon has so much in common with the stuff that went down with LOTR RPF and SPN_gossip etc etc etc, with the anon drops and signalling through totally random everyday objects. someone realized that people will believe this stuff and even act on it.

and now fandoms are being used to test and implement new fascist purity culture ideas of degenerates. this really is evil because they're using the very spaces that used to be a refuge for weird people and weaponizing those spaces against us.

someone noticed and now we're both a target and a weapon without us even being aware of it.

[rmenvs3000w22]

Blog 2: My Ideal Role in Environmental Interpretation

Hi everyone!

As you know, this weeks task was to “describe your ideal role of environmental interpreter”.  What a task to do when you’re in (what I like to call) a not-quite yet quarter life crisis! I have absolutely no idea what job I would like to have next week let alone long term. But that’s okay. I tried to start writing this post almost every day this week, and each time I wrote something completely different, decided that wasn’t quite it, and deleted what I wrote.  But this post is due tomorrow, so instead of continually trying to identify this mysterious role, I am instead going to write a list of things I like and we’ll see where that takes me.

Things I like:

1) Being kind to the Earth

This was the first thing I thought of when I started trying to write about an ideal role, so maybe this one has more weight behind it. I really love advocating for the Earth and am constantly trying to make eco-friendly changes that reduce the impact I have on it. Being waste free is something that I have always aspired to do. I love that being eco-friendly is rising in popularity, and my biggest wish would be that it could become a trend that is cool to follow. I think in little niche communities it is, but I’m talking a trend bigger than obsessing over Justin Bieber in 2010. I also really love the idea of trying to mitigate the impact that I do have by cleaning up what other people have left behind. I think I would really like to do things like beach or ocean cleanups. If that could be a good paying job, I would never turn back.

2) Wildlife animals and conservation

I have always had a passion for caring for animals and would love for this to be a component of a nature interpretation role. Specifically, I really love studying unique species and understanding the adaptations and conditions that have allowed them to get to where they are now. This links in with my previous point of caring for the environments around us, but I would love a role that highlights and brings awareness to the negative impact of human existence on the animals that live around us.

3) Developing genuine human connection + meeting new people

I really like deep and profound conversation. This is something I’ve only recently noticed about myself, but I now value it like nothing else. I really hate small talk and awkward interactions. I would rather introduce myself and be able to have a conversation like we’ve known each other for a decade. We all have so much to learn from one another. We have all lived such different lives and we all have unique passions and opinions and experiences that make us who we are. Why wouldn’t you want to want to be able to view the world in as many ways as possible? I think a position where I have opportunity to meet all kinds of new people would be incredible.

4) Awareness + Growth

I live very intentionally and really love using nature as a tool to help me do that. I really love practicing awareness by focusing on how the environment around me makes me feel. I have always been a very emotionally grounded person, and I think practicing gratitude and awareness in nature is the best way to figure out what makes you happy. Once you practice awareness in a very physical sense, I think it starts to get easier to become aware in the other aspects of your life. I also think that ability to reflect on how things in your daily life make you feel can completely change your life. Everything from the people you surround yourself with to the food you eat or the items you own can have such an impact on your life – be it negative or positive. Once you notice how the negative things affect you, you can begin to cut them out and start to surround yourself with only the positive things. I personally think that’s the best way to work on being happy. My ideal role would physically be in nature so that I am able to keep growing and working on my awareness every day. I would love to help others do the same.

5) Science

Of course, this can be expected as I’m about to graduate with a biology degree, but I would really love an interpretation role where I can apply scientific reasoning and data to my interpretations. I love having a deeper understanding or explanation as to why things are the way they are. I love being able to look at landscapes and understand how they were created, even if it’s just a rough idea. A lot of things in the universe are still unexplained by science and theories are just theories, but I love having the knowledge to evaluate different explanations and I love trying to find which ones I agree with or don’t. I also love the possibility that everything we know is wrong. At one point, people were being taught that the Earth was flat (and also the center of the universe). Even though they were confident everything they knew was right, it simply wasn’t. There are incredible discoveries being made every day, theories that are proved wrong, and things that still have no explanation. I love it all.

So in summary, my ideal role would be one that uses scientific reasoning to interpret nature in a way that promotes or contributes to the mitigation of environmentalism, brings attention to anthropogenic effects on wildlife, allows for good conversation and genuine human connection, and promotes self-awareness and growth in both myself and everyone involved. I’m not quite sure what that role is, but if I find it, I’ll let you all know.

Cheers,

Riley

[ailuronymy]

I doubt you'll remember this, because it happened such a long time ago, but it's been bothering me for years now and I wanted to get some closure on it. Many years ago, when I was 14, pretty new to roleplaying and completely new to Tumblr, I sent you an anonymous ask laughing about ridiculous unrealistic things that people were having their cats do in a roleplay I was in. Building blanket forts, among other things, and being transgender. At this point in my life I thought transgender only meant someone who had undergone gender affirmation surgery, and the idea of cats doing surgery on one another was hilarious to me. I shared it with the hope that other people would find it hilarious too. Instead, you told me that I had said The Wrong Thing and called me a bigot. I was confused, I was horrified, I didn't understand at all, and I more or less fled from tumblr for about two years. It was a formative experience for me.

Hello there. I do actually remember that post, although obviously since you were anon then as well, I didn’t remember you specifically. But I do remember. 

I thought about how to answer this ask for a few days. I’m not sure exactly what it is you’re looking for from me, but I’m going to give you the best reply I can and I hope that’s good enough for the both of us. 

When you wrote in to me, about eight years ago, I was younger than you are now. I was nineteen and I’d only been on tumblr for a bit over a year at that point, I think. I’d never had social media before, of any kind. It was all pretty new to me as an experience too, and I’d never expected this blog to get the attention that it did. I never even imagined that was a possibility. But it happened and I learned how to run a relatively popular ask blog on the job, as it were. 

There’s a lot I regret when I look back on that early era of this blog. The humour and jokes I allowed and sometimes encouraged and said myself here was often not kind, and that’s something I really regret. Eventually, I put an end to that because it just wasn’t the kind of thing I wanted any of us who have fun here to be doing. But I absolutely allowed it to happen for a long time first, and that’s on me. 

Also at that same time, there was a particular way of interacting on tumblr that was very popular. It was a lot of exuberance and hyperbole and insults, and being rude for fun, and overall very over-the-top and often harsh or just plain uncaring that there was someone else at the other end of the message. For everyone who was here in 2012, I think you can probably remember what it was like. It wasn’t a nice mode of communication, but it was popular and got great responses and a lot of people found it fun to read. For a couple of years after I started Ailuronymy, I was absolutely guilty of buying into it and acting this way, until I finally hated it enough to stop. It wasn’t who I wanted to be, in general or on this blog specifically. It felt mean and inauthentic and I wanted to be better. But I did act like that for a long time, and that was a choice I made. 

I’m not saying any of this because I want to make excuses for myself. I’m more aware than anyone else of the problems early on in this blog’s history, and it’s something I regret and wish I could go back to do differently with the knowledge and experience I have now. Unfortunately, I can’t change the past. I can only own up to it and do better going forward. 

I’m sorry for the tone I often used, including to you in that post, and I’m sorry that because of that behaviour, you felt scared and unwelcome here. That’s a failure on my part. I shouldn’t have used the tone I did, or assumed I had to take a defensive, intense stance the way I did. It’s very sad to me to know that because I did that, you were frightened and decided to leave. 

However, I would like to share my context too. Because at the time, I was nineteen years old (which I know probably sounds ancient to younger teens, but it’s not, really), and a bisexual guy (which I still am, obviously), and Ailuronymy was already a place that people (especially queer people) in the fandom were looking to for support and education. Insofar as this blog was developing a niche, that was it. I felt a significant amount of responsibility to champion and defend the people this blog was made for. 

2012 was also a time when the Warriors fandom on tumblr was genuinely very homophobic, and also quite volatile. It was common for people to be very angry (in general, and often at me) for saying that ableism isn’t okay, or that Warriors characters can be trans, or sometimes just “canon naming doesn’t make much sense.” I got quite a lot of hate mail--also sometimes just... confused, angry mail, for this naming system or any of the political things I talked about--and I was doing the best I could with what I had to give. A lot of what I learned during my years of running this blog came from making mistakes, but I always did my best.

The reason I’m bringing this up is because what you actually said was: “these cats can be homosexual, asexual, bisexual, pansexual, and transgender--don’t even ask me how that’s possible. I don’t want to know.” You came to me, a queer man, running a blog that in no small part is about how queerness is allowed to exist in this fandom and is in fact not implausible, during a time when the fandom as a whole was solidly anti-queer, with something like that. Like you said, you shared it with me--and the readers here--because you hoped we would find it hilarious and unrealistic too. 

But I didn’t, because, to me, that’s just what a lot of the fandom already was. It was a hostile environment that regularly argued that queer characters, or people, had no place here. That was the kind of things people on anon fairly often came to yell in my inbox about how I’m wrong, etc. etc., and how I’m bad, etc. etc. 

I reacted defensively, which I wouldn’t do now, because I’m much older, and I have experience and confidence I just didn’t then. At the time, though, what I heard in your ask was “queer characters are absurd and don’t belong here, don’t correct me,” and that is what I reacted to. I’m sure for you, it felt scary and disproportionate, and as I said before, I wish I had handled things differently, and gentler. 

But I don’t disagree with what I said. The points I made weren’t wrong. And my response--although not how I would respond now--was not wrong, even though it hurt you. It genuinely is horrible to know that because of my lack of tact, you were scared. It was also horrible to receive your ask at the time, just like many of the rest. It wasn’t hypothetical to me, because I’m queer. It was about me, and other people I care about very much.

The fact I’m queer is probably news to you, and you were new tumblr and probably didn’t know what was going on in the fandom, and maybe you would have said something different if you knew all this. 

Likewise, though, you were on anon and I didn’t know who you were. I didn’t know you were fourteen. I didn’t know you were asking in good faith, and not just another one of the homophobic fans thinking you’d found a friend in me, which frankly felt a bit insulting. I didn’t know you were and, again, although I wish I did more back then and was kinder in my approach, I didn’t have insight into your intentions. I also didn’t have the maturity for that not to matter.

That said, even in my very imperfect answer I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I specifically said:

“Before you think I’m victimising you - I’m not. This is not personal right now; currently, this is a mistake on your part, and I understand that mistakes are incredibly easy to make. If, by the end of my post, you get where you went wrong here, then it will be like this ask of yours never happened and I will forget you ever said it. I don’t like to hold any kind of grudge if there’s any way to avoid it, and an acknowledgement of where you went wrong here would completely fix everything about this.”

&

“So what you’re saying when you say that you don’t believe that “homosexual, asexual, bisexual, pansexual, and transgender” cats are possible in the context of Warriors is, basically, that you’re a bigot. I am really sorry to say that, because the chances are - I sincerely hope - that you aren’t. You’re a good person. You’re a good person who said something bigoted by mistake. And if you don’t believe what you’ve said is a mistake yet, let me show you some interesting true facts about our world.“

Because I know how easy it is to make mistakes and how hard it is to get everything right all the time, and know everything, and never do something dumb or hurtful. It’s easy to fuck up. I’ve done it a lot. The answer I gave you back then is just one example.

That what you took from my answer was only fear and confusion isn’t something in my control, however. I hate that that’s what happened, and I regret not being who I am now back then, but even though I did fuck up back then, I still did what I could at the time to mitigate the damage and reassure you that a mistake doesn’t define you. I am sorry it wasn’t enough for you to feel okay coming back. But I can’t say I’m sorry for telling you that coming to me on my blog with that kind of mentality is something I’ll tolerate at all. 

Ultimately, I’m sorry that our experience of each other was not a good one. I’m sorry that your memory of me is someone scary and mean, and that you felt you had to leave this site entirely for two years because of it. I regret that my actions left you with such a negative experience, because that was never my intention, even though the way I handled things with you was very poor. 

I hope you’re able to find the closure you’re looking for and I genuinely wish you all the best. 

[alisarb]

the nature of frenchie and kimiko’s relationship

in every frenchie-kimiko video about their relationship there’s always someone commenting how much they ship it and there’s always someone else pointing out that their relationship in the comics is like father and daughter

so, being the obsessive shipper that I am and weirdly overthinking everything about a tv show because i can’t enjoy things like normal people, i decided to write this post to defend why I think their relationship in the show (and even a bit in the comics) is anything BUT paternal, and why their relationship in tv vs. comics is so different

(please bear in mind this is my opinion and in no way i wanna force ships onto anyone, you’re free to interpret stories and ship characters however you want!!)

Okay, the first thing we learn about frenchie in the show is that he is a man of many skills: in his own words, a gunrunner by trade, but with a very particular niche. we also learn he used to be a hitman, probably, and then he talks about his victims like scars he has to carry forever. he’s the first character apart from hughie that expresses some kind of remorse in the show about killing someone up until that point in the show (and i know it’s only the second episode, but by then we’d already seen quite enough violence)

he’s a layered character from the beginning, going from what looks like a man who likes his pills way too much and who seems dangerous to someone who actually has more to offer. still, he has other personality traits that differentiate him from the rest: frenchie describes himself as a womanizer in a conversation with m.m, who he mocks for being in a loving relationship with his wife. he “goes to sleep every night next to someone different.” we’ve met cherie by then but we can assume they are not really in a relationship by this statement, more like a casual lovers situation

and then, like a joke from fate, he meets kimiko. and from the very beginning they form a connection like no other. one can argue that their earlier interactions are kinda sweet and tender and not romantic at all, but from what i see, they share the kind of intimacy that most tv couples wish they could convey without even touching. their chemistry is undeniable 

on top of that, as their relationship progresses, kimiko begins to return the affection. she goes from this killing machine that can’t stand to be touched to initiate contact with (and only) frenchie, because he’s her source of comfort and reassuring. at mesmer’s, kimiko looks at him because he’s the only person that she can trust and the first one to show her kindness in who knows how long

the rest of the group is understandably wary of kimiko, as she has proved to brutal and ruthless. frenchie is the only one who understands her, and that’s why he frees her that first time: to give her a choice 

in exchange, when they are at mesmer’s,he asks her to show them what he sees, and she complies. because she doesn’t trust the rest yet, but she trusts frenchie. and even with that first vision he doesn’t doubt for a second that she can’t be just a terrorist. so kimiko shares with them and relives her trauma: the murder of her parents, being removed from her home and sent to a camp with her brother, being forced to become a soldier, being injected with compound v and becoming a supe with a talent for mass murder just to be locked in a cage like an animal... 

the look they share after that revelation is anything but platonic and/or paternal:

LOOK AT MM AND BUTCHER. BUTCHER IS LIKE WTF AND M.M SHRUGGED LIKE “NOTHING TO BE DONE HE’S IN LOVE YOUR HONOR”

sorry about the excitement this scene makes me wanna squeal with delight

shortly after, kimiko is watching shark week again and frenchie comes up to her to talk about vought and how they’re hurting people like they hurt her, how she could help them stop it. at first kimiko keeps staring at the TV and looks defensive, but the moment he says: “it’s your choice, if you wanna go back and look for your brother i’ll take you to the airport” she looks at him, surprised. 

because he keeps giving her a choice, which is the core of their relatiionship

and, as another user pointed out in a post a while ago, if you watched the show with the captions on (as i did bc english is not my native language) as she holds his hand, you can hear and read that shark week talks about mating and how if a female shark returns the male’s feelings will make some sort of move. one could think that this was accidental but c’mon, this show doesn’t leave anything a coincidence 

it’s clear from the beginning that frenchie is completely smitten with her. in fact, we see small glimpses of him literally OBSESSING over her from the beginning: he meets with cherie to get the gas to sedate kimiko and we learn he hasn’t been with her in a while. i’m sure he was plenty busy with the whole vought + kimiko situation, but at that point they were all living separately and they returned to their places even if it was less frequently than usual (and cherie seemed to spend a lot of time in his place, if not even living there)

he cooks for her when she’s chained and then later on he teaches her HOW TO BAKE my heart 

I could keep listing every moment when Frenchie looks at Kimiko (because his eyes inevitably follow her at any scene) or how the rest of The Boys is so aware of what they are (”you’re dating a terrorist”/”your crazy ass girlfriend”), and (SPOILERS SEASON 2 STOP READING FOR A SECOND) in the s2 we see how Frenchie is dog tired, probably angry and frustrated, and his face automatically changes when Kimiko goes to show him the origami piece. He smiles sweetly because she makes him happy, and amidst all the chaos they are going through one of his main worries is still Kimiko and how to understand and communicate with her.

END OF SPOILRS SEASON 2 

One of the last moments is in the finale, when Kimiko is finally pulling herself back together after years of abuse and mistreatment by brushing her hair, wearing pretty clothes or painting her nails. Simple acts that make her feel like she’s a person. When she comes out of the bathroom, he looks at her with pure AWE. He even says “look at you, mon coeur”, because it’s like she’s the prettiest thing he’s seen. When the gas comes into the room he pushes her into the bathroom first thing. 

M.M’s face at the end when they’re surrounded and he sees Frenchie hitting his head against the wall because even though he’s been shot he only wants to go get Kimiko, I think it says everything. His face when he talks about Kimiko and how she made him a better person. The way he pulled the hair out of her face. 

I really love how everything is coming together this new season, so now I’d like to address the main issue of this post: the nature of their relationship and how it’s nothing like the comics. 

There’s a very basic reason to why I believe their relationship is romantic, and not only by the actors’ interactions in Instagram, or the way Amazon promotes their relationship, but because the comics are so different from the tv show. 

Every character’s background story is changed, and so are their motivations, personalities and, as far as we’ve seen, their storylines. In the show they’ve made it pretty clear that Kimiko and Frenchie share a connection that resembles that of a soulmate. 

And even in the comics, (spoiler) when they’re about to die, Frenchie turns around and tells her that he’s loved her since the beginning. I don’t think that’s very father-like. 

In conclusion, it’s likely that they’ll make us wait for a long time before we get more romantic interaction (especially since Kimiko is growing as a character and that might mean she might need to grow on her own, which I think is great), but it’s been clear since the beginning that they are meant to be. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL 

[buckysbitch107]

Chris Evans with a girlfriend that has a really bad stutter like me. Like it may take about 5 mins for me to get a full sentence out. Thank you!

Sentences | Chris Evans x Reader

Summary: Yes, you have a stutter. So what? Just because it takes a little longer for you to say a full sentence, doesn’t mean people need to be rude. Chris has always been the person you go to when you feel down or insecure, even before the two of you started dating. So when an interviewer asks a question that hits a little too close to home, Chris is right there to defend you.

Warnings: SWEARING, Angry Chris, A Small Bit of Fighting, Little bit of fluff at the end

Word Count: 1.5K

A/N: This is my first time writing a stutter, so I hope I got at least some of it right! The person I used as a reference was Drew Lynch (One of my favorite comedians). I know there are different types of stutters, but his is the one I was most confident writing. I’m aware there are a lot of dashes in the dialogue. That’s the way I write stutters. I really hope you enjoy this one! Sorry if it’s bad or inaccurate!

“Thank-thank you M-Mr. Evans. I’ll see you tom-tom-tom-tomorrow.” You speak, pacing back and forth in your hotel room as your best friend sits on the bed. Her eyes widen as you end the phone call, dropping your phone on the bed before moving your head to look at her.

“And?”

“I go-go-got the-the pa-part.” You whisper, looking up at her with a surprised look on your face. 

~~~

“Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh my god.” You mumble to yourself, pacing back and forth in the dressing room. You just finished up the last scene of the day, a very important scene. The kiss scene. It was going great, and then the next part of the script came up. The part that had Chris’s character, Nick, step closer to yours and take your face in his hands before leaning in and kissing you. The part that the two of you did perfectly. It felt so real… almost too real, and Chris hasn’t talked to you since that scene unless it was for acting purposes. You continue to ramble random points to yourself until a knock sounds at the door, distracting you for a bit. “Come in!”

“Hey, I heard you- oh my god what happened?” Scott asks, closing the door behind him as he steps inside. You turn towards him and sigh, your hands still doing the weird flappy thing they did whenever you got anxious.

“We-We did the-the-the, the scene.”

“What? What sce- oh. OH. OH MY GOD! THAT SCENE?!”

“Yes, that sce-scene!” You exclaim, continuing to pace back and forth.

“I know this is gonna sound weird. But thoughts?” You turn to look at him, the look on your face making him unconsciously take a step back. Your face remains in a state of rage until you actually begin to survey your own thoughts, and your face drops.

“It-It was-s great. Dammit, Sco-ott! It fe-fe-felt so-so real!” Your hands migrate to your forehead, pushing your hair back before running to sit on the back of your neck. 

“Well, why don’t you ask him?”

“He’s-he’s been av-avo-avoiding me all d-ay.” More tears stream down your face as you continue to hyperventilate. You wouldn’t usually react like this, but the biggest crush you’d ever had in your entire life was possibly rejecting you, and you couldn’t even talk to him about it. 

“I’ll go talk to him. Why don’t you grab a bottle of water while I go find him, okay?” You nod as Scott gestures to the minifridge in your dressing room. He walks out and you sigh, grabbing the water and chugging most of it. Meanwhile, Scott wanders around the set, looking for his younger brother. He finds him soon enough, talking with a coworker about something to do with directing. Scott motions to his brother and Chris nods, finishing up his conversation before walking over to his sibling. 

“Yeah?"  Chris asks, putting his hands in his pockets.

 “You need to talk to Y/N.”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

“She thinks you don't like her.”

“What? What do you mean? Of course I like- oh. OH!”

“Yeah. Now please go fix it before she digs a hole in the ground by pacing that much.” Chris’s eyes widen a little more before he nods, running off in the direction of your dressing room.

~~~

“Oh go-go-god, you were ho-ho-hori-horrible at playing that-that trumpet.” You giggle, trying not to pee yourself in the passenger seat of Chris’s car. The man next to you scoffs, rolling his eyes as he turns the steering wheel.

“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

“You-you-you-you sounded like a, like a, like a dying pi-pi-pig.” You continue to laugh in your seat as he pulls the car into an empty parking spot.

“That’s a little harsh.” He responds, turning his head to glare at you playfully, resting his hand on your thigh.

“I had-had to p-p-p-play it for-for-for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Chris turns off the car and leans over, pressing a kiss to your cheek before opening his door and stepping out. You open your door and step out as well, Chris walking around the car to grab your hand. He links your hand with his and slowly pulls you along, walking to two of you into the shooting studio. As the two of you enter, the studio’s cat steps into your line of vision. You gasp quietly, picking up the tabby before sitting in a chair behind the camera, set up on the small couch with some snacks and the cat. You barely pay attention as Chris sits down in the interview chair and the cameras start rolling, too distracted by the cat sitting in your lap. Zoning out, you don’t pay attention to any of the questions until you hear your name come into the mix.

“Now you met your wife on the set of Before We Go. Was it hard to make her stutter a part of the character?” Jason Nichols questions.

“Most people assume that it would be hard to incorporate a stutter into a character, but Y/N was actually super flexible and would sometimes even ask if we could do some more takes because she didn’t like the one we had. It was amazing what she did to make the movie an even bigger success.” Chris answers, causing a small smile to rest on your face.

“Now there are many eligible women in Hollywood, so why Y/N?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, she’s already paid less than you, and I don’t imagine that stutter of hers makes it any easier to land roles. I would have imagined you would go for someone in your pay grade.” Ouch.

“Alright, we’re done here.” Chris says, cutting the interview short by standing up from his chair. They quickly cut the cameras as your husband nods to you, telling you to pack up.

“I’m just saying-” 

“You aren’t saying anything.” You can visibly see Chris getting more pissed off by the second. You try to pull him away from the scene, but the interviewer keeps trying to insult you. It’s all a blur before Chris finally snaps, punching the interviewer and knocking him to the floor before storming out of the studio. 

“I-I am so-so-so sorry.” You whisper to one of the producers. She brushes it off with a quick “he deserved that.” before walking over to the interviewer and talking his ear off as she hands him a couple of tissues. You stand there silently, wondering what you should do when one of the producer’s assistants ushers you out.

“It’ll be fine! We’ll call back to see if Chris wants to reschedule, with a different interviewer of course.”

“T-Thank yo-u.” You whisper, offering him a small smile before walking over to your car, your fuming husband sitting in the driver’s seat.

~~~

“Darling? What’s wrong?” Chris asks, standing in the doorway of your bedroom, his bandaged hand brushing up against the door frame. You look up from your spot on the bed, giving him a small “mm” before looking back at your latest read. “Okay, what is up with you?”

“No-othing.” You mumble.

“Well it’s obviously something. You’ve barely said a word since the interview and you didn't even finish your dinner! Did, did I go too far at the interview?”

“W-What?! No-o! Not at-at all! It’s ju-ust-”

“Just what?”

“Do you-you think Nich-ichols was-was righ-t?” You question, finally deciding to look up at your husband. The look of confusion on his face would have made you laugh if your heart wasn’t silently ripping apart in your chest.

“What?! Of course not Y/N!” He exclaims, taking a mere four steps across the room to sit in front of you, Chris quickly taking your hands into his. “Why would you ever think that?”

“I-I don’t kn-kn-know…” You’re about to continue speaking when Chris starts moving, and it’s only a quick second before your husband has you sitting in his lap with his arms wrapped around you.

“Everything that man said today was bullshit Y/N. I chose you for so many reasons, and I don’t regret a thing, you understand?” You nod, slowly tucking your face into the crook of his neck. “I love you. So damn much baby.”

“I lo-ove you t-too.” Chris smiles at you once again before softly kissing you, pulling back just slightly to look at you.

“Why don’t we head to bed? It’s been a long day.” You nod and Chris stands up, walking out to call Dodger into bed and returning quickly with the dog and his lion. The two of you were already in your pajamas, having decided to change when you got home. Chris turns off the lights and slips into bed next to you, his arm immediately taking its designated place on your side. You cuddle into him and sigh, feeling comforted by your husband. Dodger sits on the edge of the bed, laying almost all the way over Chris’ feet. The three of you fall asleep like that, the hours before having worn you out, finally feeling at peace.

Permanent Tags: @wintersoldierslut​ @breakmy-bedbarnes@stuckys-hot-dogs​ @andreasworlsboring101@yaxamarvel @donutloverxo​

Just a reminder that all requests are open! My masterlist is in my bio, so you guys know who I specialize in, but really I do anyone y’all request. As I’ve mentioned, nothing is too fluffy, angsty, smutty, or gorey for me. I mainly write Marvel and its characters/actors. I can also write some characters from other things, you just have to ask! Also please let me know if you want to be a part of the Permanent Tags! But please, for now,

Call me Emily

[shinesurge]

A quick announcement regarding the shop!

We made a business decision and bought a Glowforge in 2019, which was pretty spooky but has been INCREDIBLY helpful with the variety and sheer amount of Things I've been able to make for comic merchandise.

Unfortunately, Glowforge has done the predictable thing and now charges people for using the machines they already purchased. I bought mine before this idea was even suggested so I was SUPPOSED to be grandfathered into, like, retaining basic functionality for this item I paid 3,000 dollars for, but apparently they're not very organized over there since my entire design library cleaned itself out a couple weeks ago because of the new "designs that aren't opened in more than 30 days are deleted" rule.

All the items I designed for conventions and the online shop over the last two years are gone! I do save the actual art files myself of course, but Glowforge doesn't allow users to keep any of the data like cut settings or piece sizes outside their online program, so I'm basically going to have to start completely over doing all the testing and polishing I do to make Everything.

I know the audience for these messages is incredibly small (people who spend money on my comic or people who could afford to even consider buying a goddamn home laser cutter) BUT I felt like I should say something about this anyway.

First: Everything that involves the cutter that I don't already have some stock for has been taken out of the shop for now, but they'll be back! At Some Point. If you wanted one of the little Lucky Noons or the traveler tokens you'll still be able to get one as soon as I'm able to do the work involved in redoing fucking everything lmao

Second: Glowforge isn't unique here. I and many many other small business owners who handmake all our merch use Cricut machines to do damn near everything and they pulled the same shit recently. I know I'm an old man yelling at a cloud about how I don't trust any kind of service that doesn't let you hold the product in your hand, or in this case keep it on your own computer rather than logging into an online system, but this is exactly why. They WILL fuck you over if it makes them more money. There isn't a whole lot we can do in cases like this since the whole reason indie creators invest in these kinds of things is BECAUSE we can't afford to go through mass production options, this is the only way we can do it ourselves alongside all the other jobs we do. I don't make enough profit to afford to regularly stock fifty sticker designs with a minimum order quantity of 200, but I CAN drop a chunk of money on the means of production One Time and be able to make any stickers whenever I need them, you feel me

We're such a tiny outlier group that, understandably but frustratingly, nobody is really talking about these niche issues or advocating for us. When I looked around the Glowforge community the response to the completely disastrous premium model was mostly positive because the only people buying these machines are rich dads who can afford to drop thousands of dollars on a hobby; I went around in circles with tech support for two weeks and they still don't understand what my issue is with suddenly being unable to stock two years' worth of items.

But there aren't a lot of other channels to go through ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It's still pretty new to have fabrication options at home that are accessible to people who aren't already familiar with specialized equipment, there isn't any legitimate competition out there and that's why the two or three options we DO have are able to pull shit like this. Out of that already small user group, people like me who are using the equipment for producing our own things for business purposes are an even smaller subset. But I would just like to suggest, if anybody out there is working on fabricating their own Stuff for conventions or comics or whatever, please be very very aware that the companies making our equipment are not our friends, expect anything you NEED an app or something to use to disappear at a moment's notice, and make sure to keep as much data (art assets, dimensions, any tiny weird setting you can think of) in offline personal files you manage yourself. Whenever you can, make sure you can find the raw materials outside of the company itself so when it stops being profitable for them to make it available you can still make things.

in conclusion I Am Tired thanks for reading all this and for your support i will have the anime trinkets back up as soon as i can