#I am a detail oriented person I need things to be as accurate as possible in my fics

[jojosgaylittleadventure]

Not that anyone cares...

But what the fuck is even the layout of the Nijimura house??? Like I know Araki has said in interviews that he usually uses actual buildings as references when he's drawing so that the spacial layout isn't too confusing/is correct, but like...wtf Araki... I have been looking at manga panels and shots from episodes and bitch this house don't make no sense. It's driving me insane pls I have pretty good spacial awareness and can regularly reconstruct buildings from screenshots and stuff I easily figured out the Higashikata house layout (granted there's a lot more of the interior shown) but dead ass I cannot figure out the Nijimura house to save my life How am I supposed to write a fic if I can't figure out the layout damn it The exterior does not match what we do see from the interior and I'm gonna fucking loose it There are too many doors in some places and not enough in others What is happening Also the staircases are in the wrong place...like the house would extend way too far for the second floor to be the way he drew it There's only one flight of stairs and it's on the far right wall when walking into the house and at the top of the stairs there's a large room right across from it. WHERE IS THAT ROOM???? The stairs needed to be spilt for that floor to make sense I just...

Anyways...

[drdemonprince]

Since autistic traits are human traits (as in "all of these are found to a greater or lesser degree in different people"), I've rolled around in my head whether some of the "black and white thinking", "systematizing", "rigidity" overlaps with our frequent interest in patterns, our OCD traits, routines, etc.

That is, I wonder if some of that is the "normal" human trait of pattern-seeking/pattern-matching, but expressing either more intensely or (as I kind of think) with less of a *filter* (perhaps a filter for relevance?) than most people get.

So some of us can sometimes make some true and interesting and even groundbreaking connections between things, but not all the patterns or connections we see are relevant or accurate.

Like the "attention to detail" thing where it often means we can't filter out the irrelevant details, we'll perceive details and connections that might not actually be connected. Which could also predispose us to cults, conspiracy theories, etc.

I also think about that stuff as possibly contributing to some of my old phobias and some of my trauma/BPD traits - "I have been hurt before in situations that looked a lot like this, therefore I need to be vigilant and protect myself (even if the actual circumstances of this situation are very different, e.g. I'm now with someone who *isn't* hurting me, or my health isn't *actually* in danger)"

Anyway. Just some thoughts. I think it all ties together into our tendency toward anxiety, our nearly universal histories of trauma, etc. so it's never just one thing.

Yep, there is no objective metric of what is OCD, what is Autism, what is BPD, etc -- and between all of those categories and just being a human.

On the whole, Autistic people tend to skew toward being highly detail oriented, and that detail-oriented style of processing is highly overwhelming and effortful -- it takes more energy than focusing on the "forest," and the ways that we systematize and streamline the knowledge we have of the "trees" can be prone to error, overcorrection, bias, etc just as much as being a big picture thinker can be prone to missing a lot of stimuli. They miss stimuli because that is the point of their processing style -- to be more effecient. And we see all kinds of things that make people assume we are crazy or oversensitive because, well, that's how a more detail-oriented processing style works by definition -- you pick up things that other's don't.

That doesn't mean we are objective. We also miss lots of cues in one direction because we are so intently focused on processing everything that's in another. I am terrible at recognizing people in public because i just can't look at faces for the most part when i'm in a crowd. i cant often tell how people are feeling. yet i can pick up on a subtle conversational tension between two people sometimes that no one else even saw. i dont know exactly what makes that happen, but it is also the same mechanism that makes me create elaborate evidence for why a person MUST be mad at me when they aren't at all.

so yeah, needless to say i relate to how you think about this! the processing style we are talking about is inherently pretty paradoxical in nature. always noticing. always missing things. always reading too much into the wrong things, always reading too little into the right ones, a superpower, a burden, a completely neutral source of random error that sometimes hits and sometimes misses, a paranoia, an oblivoiusness, all in one

[thedrotter]

Giggles and kicks my legs. Soooo .. how about YOU make a headcanon post

OKAY!!!! i actually have. like a. insanely long list for my mother headcanons and have an uncomplete Google docs document on them because im insane but i will make it as short as i can by only taking about mother 2 LMAOOO so imma just add a silly read more thingy here because i am about to info dump so hard

Imma go character by character because ITS JUST CLEANER...

first off silly baseball child ness

Because I'm silly like that I woke up one day and decided he was trans masc. if ness or just any male protagonist in media (looking at you link) could make money out of the amount of people that made headcanons of him not being cis I imagine there'd be alot of cash coming in

I like to think of him as half-latino and knowing spanish because WHY NOT!!! and since every single latinoamerican breathes and cherishes goku HE NEEDS TO BE A DRAGON BALL FAN he would not be accurate latinoamerican representation IF HE WASNT A DRAGON BALL FAN!!!

Out of the whole group I imagine he tries to use PSI as little as possible in his daily life once the whole journey is over, for he is more comfortable living as a normal kid. WILL NOT HESITATE TO USE HEALING POWERS IF NECCESARY but otherwise avoids it (except telepathy on animals because i have this funny thought where he has unintentionally used telepathy his entire life and thats how he knows what animals are saying BUT THOUGHT THIS WAS NORMAL??? once he figures out its not a normal thing he avoids doing it as much with people but he cannot live without knowing what the dawg be saying...

the airhead in the group. he is mostly gut oriented instead of going by brains his brain mgiht as well be a burger

ALSO THE LOUD ONE a very empathetic and easy going boy that gets easily excited about everything and just likes having fun. which means every time he gets a semblance of a negative emotion he will proceed to numb it down and ignore it causing him to just accumulate it😰 LIKE HOW HE HAS TO BEAT DIFFERENT CREATURES AND ENEMIES in his magicant they appear and look down at him for hurting them WHICH MIGHT BE HIM FEELING GUILTY BY THE FACT HE HAS TO DO THAT AND I IMAGINE HE CAN ONLY PULL HIMSELF TO DO SO BY NUMBING THE GUILT DOWN... he's just like look lets lets just get this done😞 what goes on with Pokey ending up on Giygas's side also applies to this but i will not go on detail. because I am writing fanfiction about it and rather not spoiil it😊😊😊😊

the baseball fan ever that practices daily without missing a single day and basically drags Pokey alongside him

and since. i am NORMAL... he's an ENTJ 7w8. i have spent endless hours doing personality tests for these kids i am so normal about them

he has a crush on Paula (which she returns) but is too flustered to admit this so he pretends he is not catching on to her VERY VISIBLE HINTS (she enjoys getting him flustered shes silly like that) because he's nervous about it💀💀💀

anyway PAULA TIME!!!! i am insane so i have provided some backstory for her

I imagine that she awakened her PSI pretty early on and is very gifted around it, and since it is so rare she became very popular in the media at a young age and is essentially a celebrity child. She thought it was very fun initially but she feels pressured to keep a perfect image of herself for she is considered to be a role model which painted an image of someone that wasn't her. She feels very upset about this nowadays and has tightly held onto what is important to her and her true self as to not lose it in attempting to be someone else. She basically has some anger issues out of this because she has gotten used to people not really respecting her boundaries and not being very interested in who she actually is

SHE'S STILL REALLY CARING SHE GENUINELY ENJOYS HELPING OTHERS AND IS THE ONE KEEPING THE TEAM MORALE IN BETWEEN THE FOUR even when she tends to forget taking care of herself sometimes

so yeah she isnt really amused when she's kidnapped SHE JUST GENERALLY HAS LIGHT REACTIONS TO THINGS GOING SOUTH BECAUSE SHE BASICALLY KINDA EXPECTS THAT? despite how much optimism she spreads around she's quite the pessimist (though never voices those thoughts) so she feels very drawn in when Ness is actually genuinely optimistic about everything

loves cute things so much she needs every single big plushie she finds IMMEDIATELY. kirby merch hoarder

generally a sweetheart but very bold and feisty not as much as Kumatora is but she is

if she was in the modern era she'd be a gamer and live breathe minecraft she would be the type of person that gently explains things to her friends on one side but yells when a random stranger in her team is playing horribly

really excited over her frying pan she would have gotten a bat if she didn't think itd be cool if she could use her frying pan as both a weapon and something to warm food up in. like SHE WILL USE IT IN ANY CHANCE POSSIBLE TO FEEL COOL like "Yeah ... give me that cold slice of pizza imma put in the pan . ..." pk fire some random oil she keeps around for thiw specific purpose and there it is it makes her so happy

AS I PREVIOUSLY MENTIONRD SHES VERY STRAIGHTFOWARD ABOUT HER FEELINGS FOR NESS EVERYONE KNOWS IT SHE IS NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT AT ALL but does not directly confess because she likes teasing Ness. she finds it amusing when he gets flustered about it and pretends he isn't catching on

ESFP 2w3 hehehehehehehe

now Jeff he's my favorite out of the four so his is probably going to be stupidly way longer because he's silly like that

not the usual type of shy who hides from people and stutters a lot I IMAGINE HE JUST GETS REALLY AWKWARD AND SPEAKS AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE AND ENDS UP SOUNDING REALLY FORMAL BY ACCIDENT. He will respond to you just in very few words if some stranger suddenly starts talking to him he basically freezes up and fights internally to even say a word because he does not know how to do conversations

He's very knowledgeable in many different things and if you ask him about anything he'll answer VERY NONCHALANTLY AND SHORTLY AS IF HE DOES NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND THE SUBJECT WHEN HE IN FACT, DOES. HE SIMPLY IS NOT INTERESTED. but then you bring up inventions and guns and he will provide you a full rambling session with visual examples test runs different things to reference to for different concepts he's mentioning and every single minute detail. THERE HE ACTUALLY GETS EXCITED LIKE HE ISN'T SHY AT ALL THERE

cannot for his life comprehend social cues or idioms he takes things very literally and doesn't assume there's any hidden meaning HE'S BETTER AT THINGS THAT ARE LOGICALLY ANSWERED THAN ANYTHING SOCIAL. so yes Tony can accidentally drop a hint that he's crushing on him and DESPITE JEFF FEELING THE SAME WAY, he'll be like hm thanks tony cool I'm sure that is a very best friend thing to say i do not think there are any romantic implications here....

has an inferiority complex over the fact people credit his skills to be coming from his father (who he basically HARDLY KNOWS OR REMEMBERS SEEING PHYSICALLY BEFORE THE PROPHECY) and not to his own efforts!!! he's constantly compared to him and is expected to have the same amount of genius he does so Jeff tends to overwork himself at times to reach this standard.

has tested million types of coffee to see which one keeps him awake at night the best— but hates coffee! he prefers tea. friends assume he likes coffee because of how mcuh he drinks it he does not

oh yeah as i implied has a big fixation towards inventions and guns. he just thinks they're inteesting as hell he wasn't one to use them he just thought they were rad as hell and he WILL recognize specific ones if shown even a peak of one. he cannot live without being 100% up to date with every single type of gun in existence he needs to know all about them and understand how they work and does elaborate dissections into how they're built

even if shy once comfortable with the rest of the team he actually is one to occasionally tease them and joke around sometimes HE HAS THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH NESS WHERE THEY ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO ANNOY EACH OTHER without actually annoying in each other idk how you call it but they just playing around they silly like that

type of person who's face turns red at even the slightest embarassment it just happrns really easily

im not even gonna lie to you he's essentially me irl i needed a character to project myself into so i dont feel bad about not being good at social cues and at anything that is not my main interest

OH YEAH HE'S THE TALLEST HE'S VERY LANKY BUT HE'S THE TALLEST he's confused to be older than he actually is a lot of the time

i almost forgot— ISTP 5w4

NOW POO!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

Initially took things very seriously and remained stone faced for a while but ironically became the one that made the most jokes out of everything and has a very contagious laugh— he still takes things more seriously than the rest and is the one that keeps everyone focused when it's important but is now able to relax a lot more

REALLY CHARISMATIC. LIKE HE'S AMAZING AT DEALING WITH PEOPLE EVEN IF HE PREFERS SOLITUDE.

loves animals and animals love him once found a dog and was very sad when he couldn't take him along in the journey... HE GENUINELY JUST SITS DOWN AND SPEAKS TO ANIMALS VERY CASUALLY LIKE hello sweet little dog. how are you doing on this fine saturday. awesome😊.. AND DOES MAGIC TRICKS FOR THEM😭😭😭 He's the disney princess of the group animals will just come to him and be nice to him birds sing along to this boy existing AND HE'LL BE LIKE OH, THIS IS NORMAL, while the rest of the group is just dumbfounded by rhat

i think he'd be quite tech illiterate as he spends most of his time concentrating on his training he really didn't pay much mind to technology (he preferred putting time into working on himself instead of wasting it trying to properly understand technology). BUT HE'S DOING HIS BEST HE IS INTRODUCED TO ARCADE GAMES AND THANKS TO FRIENDS BECOMES HOOKED he was a little lost but hes okay

becomes good friends with jeff because both felt like the odd one in the team at some point and come from very different backgrounds than ness and paula did THEYRE GOOD BUDDIES

He speaks multiple languages very well, but since english is not his first language he feels a bit lost sometimes when with friends. So doing his best effort he brings A WHOLE DICTIONARY WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES like these four will find a word not a single one of them knows and Poo will be there like. dont worry guys i got this AND PULLS OUT HIS DICTIONARY😭😭😭😭 DUDE'S READING THE ENTIRE THING TO PROPERLY UNDERSTAND HIS FRIENDS😭😭 picks magazines for english so he doesn't have to ask them every single time he's lost and to keep at the same pace they do

might be noticeable already but POO'S A TOTAL SWEETHEART HE DOES NOT MIND SAYING THE MOST SWEETEST AND CARING WORDS EVER KNOWN TO MAN and is very confused when one of the 4 cries in emotion because his words are very nice. THAT'S JUST NORMAL FOR HIM HE'S JUST LIKE THAT JUST NATURALLY VERY VERY NICE AND KIND no one can beat him on being very nice

Sometimes the only sane one in the group he is silly, but he balances the silly properly he knows when to save the silly for later

talking about him being good with people if you need to distract someone NO PROBLEM and he just does it really well DOES MAGIC TRICKS!!!! he likes doing his silly little tricks it's something he learned on the side from his training he loves seeing how people react to them

oh yeah the shortest and is confused to be younger than he is sometimes when he's the oldest in the group. basically Jeff backwards but Jeff isnt the youngest

...infj 8w9

NOW YOUD BE LIKE DAMN MICHAEL THATS A LOT OF TEXT ALREADY YOU SPENT AN HOUR WRITING THIS (yes its been an hour i think i i dont know ive been writing this since you asked when was it HELP) BUT I AM NOT DONE. I AM NOT DONE!!!

JUST JUST A FEW MORE FOR OTHER PEOPLE ASIDE FROM THE CHOSEN 4 BECAUSE i need an excuse to talk abojt tony he's my favorite favorite I could make an essay on his character

I like to think Tracy is super smart and is so smart that she's a few school grades (whatever you call um idk um school years?) ahead of what she would be for her age for it. EVEN THOUGH SHES LIKE 9 she's smarter than ness thats for sure and she mentions this but he's silly so he still needs to be the cool older brother regardless so he ignores that she's smarter GIRLIE GOT A JOB AND HE WAS LIKE TRACY WHAY ARE YOU DOING ON THE ESCARGO EXPRESS LIKE YOU ARE 9😭😭😭

i dont actually have any particular Pokey headcanon besides him being interested in tech because of mother 3 BECAUSE HE FEELS VERY FLESHED OUT ALREADY AT LEAST TO ME SO I DONT FEEL THE NEED TO DO AN ENTIRE BLOCK OF HEADCANONS FOR HIM I REALLY LIKE HIS CHARACTER THOUGH best i got possibly just enters theory territory instead

AND ABOUT TONY!!! like in the game he's a very earnest and good kid. I imagine he's seen as someone very sociable and easy to get along with to his peers LIKE HE WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP EVERYONE FEEL INCLUDED and does an extra effort to get Jeff friends and for people to understand and like him like he be taking him to some of his other friends like. THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!! and theyre like Tony rhis is the sevenrh time you introduced him TONY IS THE MAIN REASON JEFF HAS ANY OTHER FRIENDS IN SNOW WOOD

tony sucks at science like really bad he's not good at anything scientific process like and would be bad at remembering them...IF HE DIDN'T TAKE THE EFFORT TO MANUALLY REMEMBER THEM BECAUSE JEFF IS THE ONE TELLING HIM. he be sitting there absorbing all that information and casually mentioning it here and there so Jeff gets really excited about it. ASIDE FROM THAT HE'S ACTUALLY GOOD AT MATH AND IT GAINED HIM A SCHOLARSHIP AT SNOW WOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE WHICH I IMAGINE IS VERY PRESTGIOUS

hes just a very hardworking kid in general THOUGH HE'S VERY CLUMSY AT TIMES. he's seen as the funny guy he cracks out jokes for everyone to laugh at people just generally like him a lot

sprta silly because lil dude is so honest and good natured he has to fight so hard to tell a lie. he's quite naive and easily forgives people WHICH OF COURSE HE'S LIKE 12 OF COURSE HE'S LIKE THAT BUT HE'S MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE

anyway im not makikg thisbany longer its already scary enough I AM SORRY. . .....I DID NOT WANT IT TO BE THIS LONG. . ..im very thankful you asked but ay the same time i feel obligated to ask for forgiveness at how long ive rambled for I just I just love this game I COULD DO MORE BUT NAW💔💔💔

[tarotwithdanise]

୨୧ 𝗌𝖾𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗆𝖻𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗎𝖾 𝗌𝖺𝗅𝖾

- 𝗉𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖺𝗀𝖾 : 𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀

- 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 #14

feedback :

So the entire first paragraph resonates with PACs and personal readings I received! They definitely sound familiar the more I read about them like I feel like I’m getting to know this person so well. Characteristics like work-oriented, childish, charismatic, and seeing goodness in everyone are all recurring messages. For love language, it’s funny that writing lovely letters came up cause I actually wrote a comfort letter to my future spouse after a personal reading told me they might be struggling with burnout. I get ‘the lovers’ card pretty often too when it comes to this person haha and I myself am a very sexual person, so that checks out. Their love language resonates with past readings I got for sure. The part about meeting them for the first time has many recurring messages like meeting at an acquaintance's event, somewhere close to water, and they’ll be checking me out from afar haha. It also resonates how you mentioned I’ll meet them soon when I move because I’m planning on moving out of state or the country in 2-3 years lol. Messages like me and them coming from different backgrounds and strong passion also resonate.

Their current energy seems quite chaotic and honestly, I’m also at a point in my life where things are just messy, so I hope things will move into calmer waters when we meet. For couple dynamics, all I can say is you have described me pretty well as a person. I do have pretty high standards and would rather choose a partner with high compatibility. I struggle with needing to have control over every aspect of my life, but I’m aware of it. Long distance relationship kind of resonates, I keep getting the message that there will be a period of separation between me and this person. How they will treat me sounds so perfect I couldn’t help but giggle lol. Mutual respect, supportive, loving, and possessive(non-toxic)? It’s exactly what I want. I am often told by friends that I give off motherly vibes lol so that resonates. And yeah their sexual inclinations sound compatible with mine so that’ll be a good time haha. I really appreciate hearing how they will treat me and how will they feel about me; because my sexual interests make me feel like I’m more suitable for non-romantic relationships but I actually only want romantic relationships. It’s nice to hear that it’s possible to have both. The next part, the plot twist, is the most accurate, down to details, message in this entire reading it’s kinda scary lol. I received this exact message from another reading before so I’m glad to hear that things will end well for me and my person. It’s normal to have ups and downs I suppose, and hearing that it will make our relationship stronger makes it worthwhile. The first celebration with them sounds like a confession scene. For past readings, I keep hearing that I’ll have a sexual relationship with this person first before committing to a romantic one so I’m wondering if this will be it. This part is so romantic omg it got me daydreaming. Not going to lie, their profession and appearance do not sound like my type so this will be interesting haha. Idk about pregnancy yet so please let me ignore this section for now. Their hobbies and interests sound fun but again not really my type at all. One of the main reasons why I’m so interested in future spouse readings is because I keep getting recurring messages and this person does not sound like someone I’d date lol. This is all fun for me. Their family and friends’ thoughts of me sound mostly positive, which is good. I don’t care too much about other people’s opinions of me but I do want to get along with my spouse’s people. And marriage is not a huge thing on my mind so I’ll probably just go with the flow when the time comes. Overall, I’m very happy and satisfied with this reading. It is so long and detailed. I love it. I can feel the dedication you put into this. I’m so glad I ordered from you since your PACs usually resonated for me. It was a pleasure doing business with you and I hope we have more chances to work together in the future!

thank you so much @alinepichi for leaving such an awesome and detailed feedback about your reading. i am happy that somehow most of them are resonates with you, glad that you'd purchase a reading with me🤍

୨୧ 𝗉𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖺𝗀𝖾 : #6

- 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 #15

feedback :

Wow, that was so sweet & straightforward <3 They were also accurate. I really appreciate you doing this, it really soothe me. I recommend anyone coming across your blog to purchase a package as well 💛

thank you so much @888-hz purchasing and encouring others to do book a reading with me, it was a pleasure to do a transaction with you🤍

𝗉𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖺𝗀𝖾 : #4

- 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 #18

feedback:

😢😢😢 this is so spot on, tbh some of these things are things i havent even realized i do im putting two and two together rn 😭🙏 and tbh i think the smile part is true bcus i cant remember ever smiling unless around friends or family but even then. didnt notice that but thank you! and the pressure part is so true 😭 will definitely purchase more in the future, your readings >>> . thank you so much!

thank you so much @kissesforpluto for this lovely feedback, i hope you will get through this part of yours. i am routing for you, don't be afraid to show the best of you!🤍

୨୧ a tons of thank you so much for purchasing and supporting my blog. May you achieve all of your dream love and dreams for life <333

[comicaurora]

Not Aurora-related, but I really like your answer in the recent OSPod about just clicking w/ the ace label but not having that same certainty about romantic orientations, because I think I'm that but in reverse-- it's only important to me that I'm aromantic.

So, thank you for putting it into words ^^ Have a nice Pride Month!

Ultimately we all gotta remember that labels are tools, not obligations. If a label helps you understand your wants and needs better, fuck yeah! If the label instead feels like a prison denying you growth and possibility, it's not helpful and you can drop it!

I think our growing awareness of the diversity of human sexuality and gender identity has sort of resulted in a feeling of "everyone has a special box they fit in with a flag and a community and a predictable suite of wants and needs". The problem is, almost nobody understands themselves down to the minutest perfect detail with no possibility of error, growth or change. What is an orientation, if not a broad-strokes categorization of "what kind of relationship would make this person most happy"? How bizarre is it to try and lock down a concept THAT complicated on the first try??

There's a joy in recognition of "oh, this is ME, I didn't know it was an option but there I am." In my experience it's a sense of sudden freedom - specifically the freedom to simply exist as one naturally and comfortably exists. But trying on labels that DON'T invoke that feeling can sometimes result in the exact opposite sensation; rather than giving oneself freedom, it feels like it's cutting off possibility. For instance, "am I gay? Then I guess I can never find men attractive, that's a shame…" is an indicator that this label may not be helpful to apply. Accuracy is not really the concern, but the "everyone has a box" mindset makes it SEEM like the concern. It's not about being comfortable or fulfilled, but about being accurately categorized.

Very personal anecdote on that note: I, like many people, spent some time questioning my gender. I have been tomboyish since pretty much day one, and was frequently bullied for unladylike activities as well as broadly battered by garden-variety middle-school misogyny. I was made to feel wrong for pursuing the interests I had while being female - whether that was sports, STEM, gaming, tree-climbing, wearing unfashionable pants, or a million other completely genderless things I happened to enjoy. It made it difficult for me to tell if I felt unhappy because I was being MADE unhappy, or if it was because I was fundamentally wrong about myself and could not be happy as I was. Eventually I concluded that every time I thought "maybe it would be better if I was a boy", it was in the specific context of "so I could do <thing I wanted to do>" or "so people would stop being shitty to me about <innocuous thing>". I realized I enjoyed being perceived as a girl and I enjoyed being capable of "manly" things. I liked being strong, gruff, loud, chivalrous, reliable - and I liked being pretty and having long beautiful hair and nice boobs. Admittedly it took me having an honest to god stress dream about growing a beard to finally shake the intrusive thought of "what if I'm wrong about everything and I really CAN'T be a girl while liking these things???" Internalized misogyny can fuck you up pretty hard, but in hindsight, the gut-wrenching disappointment I felt whenever I contemplated that possibility was a good sign that it didn't personally fit me. The trans friends I discussed this with affirmed my conclusion - "dread" is not the appropriate response to self-discovery in the pursuit of happiness. In my case I had simply been told "you can either be a girl OR you can do all this cool shit you like" and all I ever wanted was both - abandoning either one felt like giving up on something important to me. I did the gender questioning, concluded I was a cis woman, and then stopped thinking about it. And that was fine.

This is why I think the label "queer" is absolutely invaluable. I may not know exactly what my romantic orientation is and I don't know what exact subgender I could be classified as with "girl but in a dude way", but I know I'm sure as hell not what society assumed I should be. I don't know what box I fit in, but I'm dead certain where I DON'T fit. Who cares about the specifics? Nobody can know me better than I know myself, and demanding categorization I can't provide helps nobody and stresses everybody. The core desire of the queer community is to be able to exist in peace and pursue happiness. If a label helps you do that - an acknowledgement that you are known, seen, and not wrong or broken to exist as you do - then that's perfect. But if you don't NEED to categorize yourself in certain ways to be happy, you do not have to. Overlabeling can stress you out, and sometimes "oh no, what if I'm <thing> and I'll NEVER be able to be happy unless I COMMIT to that???" can be a very dangerous and intrusive headspace to spiral into. Things done in pursuit of personal fulfillment can NEVER be treated as obligations. It's okay to not be sure, and it's okay to NEVER be sure.

[internetgremlin-writes]

FLAT SPIN CHAP 5 SPOILERS!!

OH MY GOD IGGY THAT CHAPTER WAS ABSOLYTELY PERFECT!!!!

The way he asked her to come to Barcelona… SO carlos of him I wanted to cry… AND THE WAY HE METICULOUSLY PLANNED EVERYTHING? I am sorry if you dont like / dont care about zodiacs BUT THE VIRGO ENERGY IN HIM JUMPED OUT, and I respect it soooo much. Everything he planned was so /him/, but also so so perfect for MC — the little gestures? Ordering for her? Translating everything for her? POSTING HER ON HIS STORY? God i literally melted

AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON HIM COOKING FOR HER… because god damn you Know how Weak I am and it was so beautiful, also the British breakfast once again just shows how much he cares for her and understands her🥹 i am just about to combust actually

AND THEN RACE WEEKEND? And everything with the green tractor and also MC and Sebs relationship? Once again nailed it sm god i love these teammates… and how she didnt want to fight Seb / come across like that because he just means so much to her????? Girl you got me on the floor rn…

What I cannot stop thinking about is how shes in for the championship, and as of rn so is Carlos… Will they be fighting each other further down the line or… 👀 Make up sex as an apology for aggressive overtaking again? Or podium celebration sex because BOTH of them ended up on the podium (Silverstone? 👀) So many possibilities omfg dont mind me

AND THEN LAST BUT NOT LEAST (thiugh i still have so much to say but my slow ass brain needs a bit of time i guess) the ending was just perfect… like am I the only one thinking Carlos didnt want to sleep with her pre race weekend bc he wanted to fully focus on her but couldnt with all the GO expectations around him? But now that it was done he could let himself fully focus on her and give her all the attention he thinks she deserves? God I love them sm… And the way you let all those emotions show through during the smut was just CHEFS KISS, the way they understand each other is just so 🥹🥹🥹 i have no words lol other than i’m SO obsessed..,

God i hope this all is legible its 4:14am now and i am prone to word vomit already when my brain is working so this may just sound like incoherent crap but i hope you know this chapter was SO GOOD, also the way you captured Barcelona imo was spot on like I wouldnt have noticed that it was all based on research and not personal experiences (though i guess i must confess i havent been to barcelona since i was 4 either… JSJDKFKF BUT YOU MANAGED TO CAPTURE THE SPANISH VIBES PERFECTLY THAT I CAN TELL YOU BC I JUST VACATIONED IN SPAIN LAST MONTH)

okay oh my god i am back from festival and i am finally going to reply to this without crying halfway through...

firstly OH MY GOD. you... you wrote all this... about my work?? I'm touched, I'm shook, I'm honoured, this is honestly the best feeling and probably as close to a "real" author with people analysing my work as I'll ever get and I am ABSOLUTELY here for it (especially as a literature nerd who loves to pick apart all of my books for fun)

haha I don't *dislike* zodiacs, I don't really follow them to that much detail but I vaguely have an idea of them. To be honest, the way I write Carlos is purely based on the guy we see as a Formula One driver and personality (but now you say that I totally see the virgo energy). ALSO I'M SO GLAD YOU NOTICED THOSE I am entirely convinced Carlos is a very detail-oriented person and especially when he is first seeing someone he would be really careful to go out of the way to do really subtle but meaningful things yanno?

As for the championship fight... well I don't want to give anything away but oh I *definitely* have a plan for MC and Carlos and the WDC ;)

Haha don't worry it all made sense! And thank you so much for the comment about Barcelona... it's a little embarrassing how long I spent on google for things to do in and around the city because I've never been to mainland Spain, so even if it's not 100% accurate I'm just happy the vibes were right!!

honestly just thank you so much for this, it means the absolute world <3 <3 <3

[6blackfilin9]

I love your Anko fanart! Tell me, what are your views/headcannons on Anko X Kazuku?

hThank you so much for the ask, finally I can answer it

here is my big thank you for the waitng

In a nutshell, the shipp was created by accident while me and my buddy were working on our first Naruto AU in 2019, where Kakuzu and Deidara survived their shitty plotholes end eventually ended up in Konoha

Yeah

so, the shipp’s birth date is july the 1, 2019

anything like classy, aristocracy kind of tension-filled passionate gothic romance with playful, psychological games & hurt/comfort vibes with slight scent of rivalry is KakuAnko

Basically, they are: a very, very old man with absolutely horrendous background who’s trying to finally have his mother*cking 10 or 30 years of peace, and a rather young lady with a rocky youth who’s being good & noble yet has very strong antihero tendencies

You know, I think they do have potential, since, in fact, they seem to be very similar, at the core

They are both very pragmatic realists, the people of logic and reason, yet if Kakuzu’s irritability doesn’t affect him a tiny bit due to his ideal self-control, Anko’s can lead her to quite bad places, sometimes. They put their interests in the first place, and even though she tries to attach them to Konoha’s, she still has ‘personal’ things (I’ll write ‘bout it lower*). Their mindsets are so complicatedly organized that, at some point & way, it prevents them from having many close people, and makes them very hard to see through and predict

Both of them are very flexible & adaptive, independent individuals with similar outlooks on plenty of things and high intellectual level. They clearly can find plenty of traits that they would highly respect and adore in each other

Here I will speak mostly for “why and how” kind of things, bc both of them are terribly tricky to accurately figure out. But there will be some headcanons too

So, there are still some odds about them, due to the strong difference in their occupation, like, in plenty of cases they are really tricky to be brought together, because:

- Of the job

In original, Anko is a Konoha’s special jounin, and she is very dedicated to serving the country. Independently of whether she likes her job or not (depends on the plot), she orienteers at the people, at society’s gain from her work. So, accordingly, in any other AU her job is somehow connected to civil service, whether it’s something police-like, connected to science, or something like CCG in Tokyo Ghoul

Kakuzu, on the other hand, is a hitman and a persona non grata in literally all the five big countries, Konoha too (which makes it barely possible to bring them together in the original universe without hard complications or heavy drama. But still possible). He orienteers on his own gain alone, but, depending on the job, it can include others’ gain, too.

This detail makes him a saint once he holds supervising position in some company or any high position in the government (the better the working conditions of the staff now- the more money in the prospective), and the sheer nightmare once he has it on the opposite side of the law. Him as a mob boss is a complete different topic for discussion, but to get the point, in this case, the trouble isn’t him increasing the level of criminality (its rather vice-versa), but taking hold of too much control in the high and underground structures. Even as an ordinary hitman he’s rather tricky, since everything depends on the case

In most of the stories, they come to some sort of compromise, and how hard it is to reach it depends on how shitty his job is and how attached they are to each other at the moment

Like, in the above mentioned Shippuden AU and Harry Potter AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) everything went like clockwork, because there they are both more or less on this side of the law, in Tokyo Ghoul AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) it is a bit more complicated, with her being in-law and him being very much outlaw, in the Avatar AU (which I also figured out with my buddy, but we never happened to write it) it is also pretty smooth, with both of them being outlaws and then jumping out to the glory after all the shit is done, but in another Shippuden AU of mine, this all would be just a motherfucking bloody disaster

- Kakuzu is actually a hard nut to get attached to anyone

He lived too long to be truly afraid of anything, though. Its mostly because he doesn’t really need to get attached to or become close with someone to satisfy his need for communication. The man can get along with anyone once he wishes to, he can have countless acquaintances and plenty of buddies, but he doesn’t have many comrades and barely can call anyone a friend. Because he is used to lose everything and everyone he ever had or happened to have, because of his inhumanly lengthened lifespan.

It requires time for him to get used to the person, and then, eventually, in some cases, spend plenty of it to get attached

Plus, for him, due to his profession, each close connection is a really great responsibility for him. In most cases, he’d think twice of weather he is ready to take it or not

Though it of course has the personal factor, too

In Anko’s case, she has a grand privilege by being a very intelligent and keen woman, not just in cognitive plane, but in emotional, too. High emotional intellect is actually a rare trait, so she automatically stands out of the crowd for him. Even though it won’t guarantee his alliance, it will grant her his high respect and some sort of sympathy

- Kakuzu is, technically, an asshole

He does have his moral compass, which includes a great amount of common social morality, but he also has that “I am working” state

Even though Kakusu has a set of professional principles, and he still acts accordingly to what he thinks is right, one and the very same situation can be solved diametrically different once the context changes from working to casual and vice versa

This, and him being very independent and quite antisocial, makes the degree of assholeness depend on various factors

This can lead to major conflicts of interests, and if they are possible to have any compromise or not is strongly attached to the circumstances. After all, both are very, very prideful and dignified people

- In other words, the only major issue for them would be morality questions. It’s possible to make the case acceptable for Anko, since both of them ain’t truly squeaky clean, along with Kakuzu being willing enough to watch his borders

- She is provident and doesn’t really need a lot of money on a daily basis, which is much of a joy to him lol

- *they both seek for the stable ground, first of all

Taking in consideration the life conditions Kakuzu had in his youth (despite war state, he still stably had family, friends, grand respect from everyone, home, warmth and food) and how terribly he was torn out of his secured social environment, I believe what he seeks through all his bounty hunt and other money-connected manipulations is stability. Sustainability he had back then. The only way to have it in the conditions of our existent world order is to have money (and a very good mind and luck)

Anko has indeed much more altruistic motives, yet it’s still not that simple. It seems to be, on the first sight, yet considering the “Orochimaru related cases” and her very wayward behavior toward them, it’s clear she keeps her own motives and needs in mind oh so well. The service she has is very well payed, it allows her to do what she likes or believes is right, and to have the living conditions she finds comfortable. And only here, relying on the made sustainable basis, she does what she does

- Thus, they both illustrate the principle “first help yourself, next help the other” just right

- She knows she can keep an eye on him, yet it’s clear for her that her influence isn’t borderless, as well as telling him off some stuff is kind of a not wise thing to do. So in the majority of cases, she never interferes

- This is not common, yet he can actually change some plans if the situation is serious and the compromise can’t be found. He is that kind of person who works on a further prospective, and in this context, this would be the relationship with his loved one

- While Kakuzu is quite conflicted and has very reserved controversial persona, Anko is both controversial, conflicted, and sort of two-faced, on top of that

She is a very sincere, cheerful and humbly honest human being, yet she has some darker natural traits of her character that became rather strong with age and traumatic experience. Cunningness, guile, ways-depend-on-the-case and a bit of ruthlessness, that is. Moreover, she has some unsolved personal issues, which makes her even more twisted.

Like, remember the time when she confronted Orochimaru during the exam? And Kabuto, on the war? Getting rid of them is indeed beneficial for Konoha, but it’s clear that for her it is personal vendetta in the first place. She wouldn’t have tried to do this alone, otherwise, because these two are rather dangerous ones, to say the least.

She uses greater good to cover her real motives (even though it is not truly complete bullshit), and seems to have a terrible habit to keep silence about really important things, which makes her quite prone to lying, in some cases

And sometimes it very badly pisses Kakuzu off, since it makes her prone to doing useless but dangerous shit too

Yet this not any kind of separate hidden side, it is integrated into her personality, and coexists with her bright one. That’s where her violent humour comes from, for example.

But Kakuzu, on the other side, is completely monolith individual, yet sometimes his mindset can create contradictions when it comes to something important to him. but it's another topic

And seeing these layered constructions, and motives, they can pretty finely predict each other’s behavior. Not super-neatly, but they for sure see the basis. This is what helps Kakuzu to prevent Anko from doing some stupid shit, sometimes

- Anko has a role of an indicator for the people who don’t understand and see the changes in Kakuzu’s mood sometimes, since she usually reacts quite openly. Yet, when she has the same unreadable mask of cold, or one of guile, it’s a nightmare for them

- They prefer the non-verbal way to show their feelings, even though Anko is obviously the more chatty one

- They don’t say things such as “I love you”, or other sensual stuff like that really often, believing it to be some sort of cherished words that shall not be spelled mindlessly

- Anko isn’t majorly into PDA, but she fancies it much more than Kakuzu does. She has her whole moments of studying something with her hands, whether it’s a hand, scar or face. He’s more into passive display of affection, like wrapping an arm over her waist or leaning to her or something of this kind; they can allow themselves to (not sexually) kiss in public though

- She knows he doesn’t like to walk hand in hand due to considering it a youthful thing, so there are times when she intentionally walks holding on to his sleeve; generally they walk separately in order not to bother each other, but sometimes they walk arm in arm (like an old Victorian couple lol)

- Being older and wiser, Kakuzu eventually upholds some kind of mentoring position, yet he never considers himself any kind of a teacher or master to Anko, believing her to have a good head of her own. He is just insightful enough to break something through to her or give a word of advise

- This, combined with his highly powerful demeanor, also makes him have the leading position in their relationship

- Anko respects him much enough to fortify this, entrusting with plenty of life questions (like organizing the family budget), even though they make the majority of decisions together. Mostly because he is truly wise and highly experienced individual.

- This makes him one of the very few people Anko would actually listen to and take their opinion in consideration

- So basically they have equal relationship with some tendency to patriarchal order

- And it is, really, mostly economically-based disbalance, with him earning much more than she does

- Yet they never have any financial-based issues, since both of them keep in mind and respect the contributions of each

- There is major power play here, too. He has the absolute might, she has seduction. Anko loves how he makes her want to submit to him, let him have all the power, so she likes provoking him. And she knows he adores it, loves the subtle control she has over him

- They don’t have conflicts in their everyday life. Each knows how to avoid pissing one another off

- He cherishes her playful demeanor, her intellect. Combined with her cunningness, it allows her to rival him, in social sphere. The way she constructs her phrases, the way she speaks, mimics, moves, how bewitchingly it suits her feminine snaky features makes his blood boil and heart melt

- Both of them, actually, have rather specific kind of dry, dark humour. Kakuzu’s is very cynical, satirical, quite often menacing and subtly demeaning; Anko’s is very sarcastic and quite dirty, even gruesome and rather violent

- Sometimes they “fight” verbally as a form of a play. In some circumstances they may sound pretty vile, so some unobservant people mistake this for display of hate

- In general, Anko is the one to heat things up with her playful demeanor, which can include provocation and rivalry, and Kakuzu is the one to keep this energy in borders, accumulating it up to much more intense states

- They both put the comfort in the first place when it comes to household. Everything must be cozy, useful, silent and super clean

- Yet they are both very unpretentious and modest, really

- She absolutely adores when he is showing his serious, severe side, or powerful demeanor. She finds it incredibly suitable for him. She also likes how his real age is sliding out in this or that way. Like, even though he has rather young face (that of 37-40 y.o.), his eyes give away that he’ve seen oh so much more than it seems; the grumpy noises and grunts he makes, the lazy attitude in movements and the way how rapidly he finds a comfy pose once he has a chance to take a seat

- They are both rather patriotic, yet while in the most stories Anko’s feelings mostly lay towards the country she lives in, Kakuzu’s more often lay towards some places, so called small motherland.

- Kakuzu actually could be a source of deep, strong admiration and delight for her, despite all of his bullshit. The unbreakable will he has, mighty burning heart, all the wisdom, talents and mind. Being sent to fight god damn Hashirama, clearly a genius of his times, financial & management genius at the least. And, still, after all the hard times he’ve been through, he maintained the very strong sense of dignity and nobility, even though slightly twisted due to the profession and abnormal lifespan

- And the very same things can serve as the source for her chagrin: with all those traits, he could have been so much more rather than a criminal. With all the gifts he’ve got, he could have been of great use to society. He’s much easier about this, since his prospective is much wider and embraces decades (and in some universes even centuries) instead of months & years, and he knows that he’d be switching sides throughout his life, being on this and that side of the law, yet he still is a bit uncomfortable once it’s brought up

- They are deeply into science, which makes them atheists. He’s into medicine and human biology, she’s into chemistry and reptilian biology; both of them are nuts for physics, history and psychology

- They solve complicated physical and mathematical problems together time to time. She is the first one to have tea-breaks due to losing her temper over it, he tries to figure things out right until you can sense the smoke coming off his head

- Actually, they do have a stumbling stone aside from job & morality complications. And this is Anko’s attitude towards Orochimaru

What she does is basically ruins her life very-very slowly, maintaining the issues she has and planning to make him pay for all he’s done

Kakuzu knows exactly what is really going on with this attitude and why, but he can’t really do anything about it. Like, he knows he can’t make her change her mind or put something into her head

All he can do is really nothing but try to explain how those things are working, and even this option is basically a landmine field for him. At some level she does understand that he could probably be right, yet she just refuses to go back on her mind. And this is actually really dangerous, so at some moments they can fight quite badly about it

- He’s scared shitless to lose her, though; especially like that, even though he knows clearly that he will, anyway, sooner or later

- he knows that losing loved ones ends up with sheer disaster for him, yet he isn’t afraid to pay such a high price for those six, five or four decades of being with her. Because these decades are that of a paradise ones for him. Wife and family, as well as stable job, incomes and life conditions, are some sort of physical definitions of sustainability he craves. Especially family, yet it’s far ahead to plan

- The fact that he will have to bury her one day makes her rather depressed, as well as the knowledge that the only thing she can really do about it is to try to bring him as much happiness and comfort as possible before she dies

thank you, i'd say more, but it's too much already

[noroi1000]

Hello!! May I request a matchup?

Gender female

Sexual orientation: straight

To start off with,  I am a scorpio, ESFJ! I may seem really reserved at first but truth be told, I am goofy and a people's person. My Friends describe me as the 'mom' friend. I am also very lethargic and tend to  procrastinate. I am optimistic and I really like that about myself :D  I am a person of simple pleasure, so that makes me easy to please. Oh and I am a dog person!

I love spicy food and my day doesn't start without a cup of coffee. I like listening to music (kpop and pop in general) and do my work.

I don't like to hurry or any last-minute plans, I like to do things at my own pace. I am not very organized but I always plan beforehand. My hobbies are Baking, Cooking, and singing (these are also the things I am very good at!) My favorite color is yellow!

Thank you! Hope you have a great day!!

A/N: Sorry if it's too short.

I think your Jujutsu kaisen matchup is

Yuji Itadori

You both act typically human. You don't have a problem with loneliness because you have a good relationship with your friends. Everyone's mistakes happen, and in fact every person has his own stupidity and madness.

Look after others and see that whatever has to be done is done. So that nothing happens. But you can have fun yourself and you need someone who can calm you down. Your favorite things are basic. Little things are enough for you to be happy.

Yuji is often a cheerful and positive person. He sees something positive in everything. Well, almost everything... Sometimes he doesn't want to be hurt and he likes to laze on the bed.

Do nothing, sleep, lie down... And then do everything as fast as possible because it has little time.

He sees something positive in everyone and also sees himself as a positive person. Except for some times he feels like shit...

At any time, he is able to cook something tasty that you would like to eat. He can cook and can even do it with you.

You could say he has no plans at all. He does what he thinks he can do now. Basically, he is also not an organized man. Sometimes he has something ready, but mostly he is preparing for the last minute. That's why he doesn't like to do everything at once. Even though this is often the case, he doesn't like something like that. When he organizes something, he sticks to it, but when he is in no hurry he is often late with the deadline.

Being his girlfriend is something anyone could want.

Headcanon:

• Your behavior is so similar that you are close.

• He likes it when you worry about him. You are careful that nothing happens. You give him different things. He can really call you mom. Which he never had, but you make him feel loved.

• You can spend time together without even paying attention to the others. He is one of those people who can cook well. Therefore, it is good for you to spend time together. You can cook whatever you want together.

• Singing, dancing. That's all he would do with pleasure.

• He always wanted you to dress similar to him. He wears yellow, and he likes the color. So if you like him, matching yellow clothes is something he can always wear.

• You do what you want together and at your own pace. It may not suit someone, but you do it as long as you need to. No rush or sudden decisions.

• He really doesn't like to rush, but it is also not in his nature to leave something until the last minute. Even if he starts doing something sooner, it can take a long time. For you, he will do everything as accurately and perfectly as he can. No matter how long it takes him. I'll take care of every detail to see the smile on your face. He will do it all for you.

• You could do anything together without rushing. You do one thing, and you need nothing else. It's best to focus on one to finish this. But who would like to end the game? Or end a nice hug. After all, it's so hard not to like being pulled by strong arms. He's so warm. So what if you will be late. The plans will be for everything and you will come out of it somehow.

"Hey~ I have no plans for later... Do you want to do something? Yes... I finished it all. Yes. You don't have to finish this quickly. You try your best and I will think about what we can do! You're the best. Thank you, for being with me. No matter what I am asking for. I want to be next to you..."

[headlesstypo]

I am sure of my tritype: 584. However, I hesitate between 5w4 and 8w7. Do you perhaps have any suggestions as I am still unsure of my type?:(

There's a couple directions you could go in trying to figure that one out, I always tend to gravitate towards looking at the triadic relationships and pushing definitions to the extreme to see where you fall out. 8w7 in combination is arguably one of the most action oriented and impulsive types in the enneagram, even with a 5 and 4 fix, 5w4 is one of the least even with a 8 fix involved. A big indicator between one or the other is definitely going to be how quickly you go into action and how much you actually care about the consequences of those actions.

As a double withdrawn type, 5w4 in core position has a strong tendency to fall into analysis paralysis in the sense that 5 feels unconfident working and moving forwards without as much information as possible and often won't without a plan behind it. This is emphasized by being a head type, since all head types are oriented on their lacking of footing in the world, with 5 particularly so in its indulgence in research. While perhaps having more energy and willingness to push because of the 8 fix, 584 is still doubly withdrawn, which means the position of the observer will still be preferenced over the catalyst. Catalytic action will almost always come with a detailed plan. In addition to this, 5 core is a competency core. While 4 might add more comfort within the emotional well and personal dealings, 5 is by nature a type that compartmentalizes it's life and distances itself from being effected or involved rather than pushes forward and does the "offence is the best defense" thing that 8 tends to do.

While a 8w7 (854) would be the most introspective of that core and would make for a more "balanced" 8, 8w7 itself is still more externally than internally oriented and action oriented unlike the 5w4 who will live in their minds. Rather than being fixated on security, 8w7 is gluttonous and fixated on getting what it wants and is almost never willing to settle for anything less, even if it is a bit strategic and planful in getting there with the 5 fix and 7 influence, and as a gut type is far more comfortable with impulse and working on their feet. 8w7 has the pitfall of denial (specifically that of weakness and restricting factors), hence would be far less willing to acknowledge and indulge in especially restricting weaknesses whereas the w4 influence would almost romanticize them (even if in the negative). 8 also has less of a fear in getting involved than 5 in the sense that if they think something is a problem, they don't mind getting their hands dirty or risking hurt because they have the mindset they won't be effected.

Another way to look at this is by trying to analyze how you relate to the core fears and mechanisms and seeing if they are filtered through the mindset of the other type you are considering. How does your fear of influence manifest? Are you more focused on removing bias, reliance, and needing to being able to make it on your own (which I'd argue would be 5 core with 8 influence) or are you focused on dismantling limitations, making sure there is always room to move forward without other's influence, and getting what you want in the end (which would be the opposite)? By deconstructing fears and mechanisms in this way, you may learn a lot about yourself and which type would fit better.

As a final note (which I'm hoping doesn't come off too rude, since I do think it'd be helpful for this combination), the core pitfall of 8 is denial and a double 4 influence will mean that the self could potentially be viewed from both an idealized and depreciated lens. To add to that, the 458 tritype tends to be incredibly self trusting and insular, which implies that self image may not be viewed 100% accurately. I don't actually know where you fall into that, but polling those who know you irl about which traits you exemplify may also be helpful in figuring out where you fall between those two categories to ensure you aren't over or underestimated which traits are present in you.

[meili-sheep]

Hating the fact i got hit with more busy stuff and art block during DILUCS BDAY OF ALL TIMES!!!!

Smh

anyways here's the Leyline Boy!!!

He, by default has his eyes closed

Eyes open ^^^^ tinted by the blue of irimisul trees and leylines and the triquetra symbol in he eyes

Time for expanding stuff!!!

Leyline!Diluc keeps his eyes closed because he's more prone to sensory overload that way, so he "sees" through the Leylines around him, if he wants to see more accurately like a person with sight does, then he uses the leyline flowers on his head to see through.

Keeping his eyes closed also helps him relay and get info from the leylines, also, through the leyline flowers on him he uses to see, he feels the elements instead of fully seeing them

HOWEVER! thru his eyes he can see the elements fully like everyone else! however it comes with the added detriment of feeling it at the same time and so getting sensory overload.

and lemme go with the elements in diluc's body thing again

as I said B4 he basically partially becomes the element itself, and to add another detriment to the double wielding elements thing-

he can't use any element combo at once(save for Anemo and geo as a duo) or else he'll trigger am elemental reaction and greatly harm himself

Unless it's a high stakes situation then he will use and combo two or more elements(amount of elements used also depends on the situation's severity)

Also! Lisa said something about the leylines somewhat fraying her skin or smth during the storm terror situation... and she's a very talented witch that knows some intricacies of the leylines

So maybe when she first meets Diluc she can immediately tell he's apart of the leylines? or be somewhat shocked bc a human basically being a walking irimisul tree? i do not Know- anyways!!!

also i think Leylines also have a thing with Alchemy! and what's apart of Alchemy? Khemia! Ohhh BOYYY, the Albeluc potential for this ... esp the angst... them bonding over knowing alchemy and then the angst of Albedo finding out Diluc fully knows his origins and can make another of his kind if he wanted... huhuhuhuuuu wish I could write proper angst tho :') I'm still tryna settle into writing fluff for now

There's also Mona and constellations and the huge possibility Celestia doesnt have control over the Leyline's

So going with the latter thing... Celestia finding out that a whole human is basically wholly a part of the leylines would be a pretty damning thing, especially bc they seem like they wish to erase events and things like Dragonspine/Sal vinangdr and Tsurumi Island(I'm bad at spelling things :'')

Also to say more details about Leyline!Diluc's clothing:

He basically has a royal robe thing over him and the thing he wears under is basically just pajamas. not really clothes but leyline blossoms and irimisul tree branches grow on him naturally, just that Leyline blossoms grow nearly everywhere on his skin and the Irimisul branches grow on two specific spots on his head.

and sun little details: He really likes gardening, y'know that Cecilia garden Diluc has in the manga? Basically take that but make it more diverse, like, there's flowers and plants from all over Tevyat growing there, not just Cecilias.

And because I would die for Diluc having a Rifthound as a pet, Leyline!Diluc has three of them! they're very nice and just like pet pets and would sleep on Diluc

-Leyline! Anon, I have been so damn busy these days while i struggle with art block, dear lord, also, wanna read the oc fic i made? It's sadly not diluc or genshin oriented, I'm more comfy writing ocs bc i don't need to put the ooc tag

You hit a weak point of mine with that albeluc remark. Because this feels like it would be such a good AU for that. With them both looking human but just... not. And just they live in totally unique and different circumstances and could just bond with that feeling of displacement. Like they are not where they are supposed to be. The feeling that no one will ever be able to understand them.

Also as for the rift hound. I always imagine the Abyss being like the realm that fills in the gaps between the other realms. something that tries to expand to fill every nook and cranny. So I see it as something that parallels the leylines. And Rifthounds being a sort of natural creature of the Abyss it sort of feels natural it would run alongside a leyline Diluc in a sort of natural balance of the world.

As for OC stuff sure. I'm happy to read it. Though I warn you my editor's brain tends to come out a little more when I'm given original content. It's a habit and sometimes people don't want feedback they just want to share! Which is totally fine! I just got self-criting habits that tend to expand.

[psychicdreamfriendoperator]

When Yahya Courts Someone

Possible Triggers

homophobia / mentions of homophobia

transphobia / mentions of transphobia

racism / mentions of racism

anti-miscegenation / mentions of anti-miscegenation

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I am very sorry to the anon that sent in the first ever ask of this blog (which was something along the lines of “How would Yahya court a romantic interest?”)

I accidentally posted my reply before it was finished, and in my haste, I deleted the post, not realising that also deleted the ask itself

Once again, I apologise, mystery anon :'D

Though the ask specified Yahya courting someone . . . I couldn't resist adding some other things.

In any case, I hope this is what you wanted— if not, feel free to resend the ask!

— Psychic

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Things to Note

he is honestly very bigoted— no amount of love will change that so easily, if at all.

It's unlikely that he will court any member of a different species, the opposite sex, or even a carnivore.

His view of Beastars society is very warped, and at times, it will seem as if he is projecting those views onto you.

Likewise, the walls he’s put up around himself are difficult to penetrate, which may leave a prospective S/O wondering if the relationship is one-sided.

He does love you, though— he simply isn't very affectionate at first, second, or even third glance.

All in all, both parties will need to put in work if this relationship is to be a healthy one.

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In General

Yahya isn't the type to date around blindly— he may sleep around, however, he doesn't consider that to be as personal as actually courting someone.

Still, if he's attracted to you, you must have caught his attention in some way.

Perhaps you were a carnivore nearly died defending your herbivore companions?

Maybe, you were rescued by the Black Devil after being attacked by a vicious carnivore?

It's also possible that you used your talents to highlight or solve an important issue in society, and was rewarded by the Sublime Beastar himself.

In any case, if you know that Yahya is attracted to you and vice versa, it's best to tell him directly

An antsy Yahya is a destructive Yahya— something that the carnivores of society know all too well.

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Same-Sex and/or Non-Genderconforming S/O

you will know when he becomes interested in you, because then he will make a serious effort to understand you.

Eventually, he is able to rationalise your orientation and gender identity— it’s not the same as absolute acceptance, but it is a start

He is still very ignorant about the finer details of everything, but he is very receptive to feedback.

After all, he's going to all this effort in an attempt to know you — the real you.

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Carnivore S/O

even if he’s dating you, don't expect his attitude towards carnivores to shift overnight.

If anything, you're one of the few “interesting” and “good” ones

Still, the more time he spends with you, the more his horizons broaden and the more he understands just how horrid his previous views were

You more than likely know all of the rumours about the Black Devil, and you may be curious as to how accurate those rumours are

Yahya is more than willing to keep you in the dark about his less than . . . honest activities

You'll have grown on him, and he doesn't want to end up scaring you away

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Different Species S/O

while he would prefer to be in a relationship with a member of his own kind, he doesn't mind being with a herbivore of another species

You may share some of his views regarding certain topics, or, you may not.

Herbivores are very varied in their thinking patterns— and so, it's possible that you may subconsciously affirm Yahya’s beliefs that herbivores are superior

Though, that isn't a fair comparison.

As his S/O, you are already superior to everyone.

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Interaction

No matter your sex, gender identity and species, you’re very wary of Yahya.

Although herbivores treat their Beastar with the utmost respect . . . even they know how terrifying Yahya is— he’s able to hold his own against several carnivores his size with ease.

As you date, this wariness lessens until it is virtually non-existent.

Instead, the wariness is replaced by an odd sense of comfort.

Your S/O is the Beastar — you have nothing to worry about, and you can just sit back and enjoy life.

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Dating

Yahya prefers not to show himself to the public unless it is absolutely necessary.

I hope you don't mind staying indoors . . . you will be doing it a lot.

You may be able to convince him to take you out — but even then, Yahya is able to pull rank, leaving the both of you very isolated from others.

You want to go out to eat? Fantastic choice— so fantastic in fact, that Yahya’s reserved the entire venue!

Want to go to a theme park? Would you look at that— all of the rides are free of charge, and the place is practically a ghost town except for the theme park staff!

Disappointed that all the tickets to a certain movie are sold out? Don't worry— Yahya managed to save the both of you VIP seating.

This being said . . . material gifts are nice and all, but they are no substitute for the emotional part of a relationship.

Yahya isn't too sure he can give that to you.

Your attempts at flirting fall flat more often than not— similarly, Yahya’s double entendres go right over your head

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Issues You Face As A Couple

As stated above, Yahya will sooner show his affection through gifts rather than words.

But, being on the receiving end of expensive gifts all of the time can make anyone feel like a free loader.

Sometimes, you just want to cuddle and be close to the one you love.

That's a seemingly impossible request at times— Yahya loves you, but he has his duties, as well.

You will have to accept that his role as Beastar comes first.

If you're a carnivore and it's discovered that the Sublime Beastar is courting you, you can expect your fellow carnivores to treat you with suspicion.

This alienates you further— even if you were to break up with each other, you won't ever be able to rid yourself of the “Black Devil’s Lover” label.

Still, the both of you know that you want this relationship, and that makes it worth it— even if everything takes a while to get used to.

[thequietdiviner]

Learning Tarot is complicated

It was exciting but also overwhelming at the beginning.

There are up to 78 cards. Not only that, to be on the same level as those amazing readers on YouTube, I should learn Astrology, Numerology, Pendulum, Mythology, working with Angels and Guides, and other Spiritual stuff like Crystals, Reiki, Kundalini, etc. My God! I feel the pressure already while listing those subjects here.

And meditation? Some say it’s compulsory for anyone working in the spirituality industry. So ridiculous.

I hate it the most. Doesn’t work for me. I felt so uncomfortable doing it. Forget it. I never meditate.

…………

So,

Why was I in the rush?

Because I wasn’t a teen or 20 something when I started learning Tarot. I had to work and other boring duties and chores to do. I had to take good care of my lovely children (meaning, my 3 cats). I had to master it as quickly as possible.

I enrolled in a 10-hour long online Tarot course. But I knew that much wasn’t enough.

I, then, did more Tarot courses, read articles, watched free YouTube tutorials, bought books and e-books, etc., and most importantly, watched tons of YouTube Tarot videos.  I wanted to become pros like them so bad: having big beautiful crystals and sage around, owning hundreds of Tarot decks and working well with all of them, giving amazing accurate messages to viewers they haven’t even met.

But, then…I felt exhausted, stressed, confused, and overwhelmed.

Still, I continued to learn.

And, it took me over a year to realize that most of the things I had learned didn’t align with me at all.

And, I am me. I don’t have to become someone like them.

It’s quite painful to realize that those YouTube videos and Instagram posts are nothing but something that put me, and other Tarot beginners in a mental trap that we have to master many spiritual subjects, owning lots of cleansing tools and crystals and candles and tons of decks, and acting mysterious to be called a Tarot reader, a mystic, or whatever. Those things are just a show-off to fool people’s eyes. The truth is, a realistic mature client just wants to receive clear guidance and see where they’re heading. That’s it. They don’t care about those colorful crystals, candles, and other stuff. Those things are just tools to attract young clients or people crazy about fashion and trends. A real authentic reader just needs to dress clean and neat. A tidy desk, 1-2 decks, and something to cleanse the working space. That’s it. They don’t need to try so hard to prove anything.

……………..

I felt so angry and disappointed in myself.

I had wasted so much time, money, and energy on so many videos and courses.

Here’s the lesson I learn about learning:

“Understand who you are and understand what kind of mentor or material you’re learning from”

I’m a detail-oriented, realistic, simple, organized, minimalistic person. I don’t like drama. I want to know what the exact problem is and what the specific solution is. I see things as black and white. It’s a yes or no, no maybe for me. Therefore, I should learn from people who have the same personality and see things as I do.

I’m also a loyal person, which means I’m loyal to a few decks. The other decks keep resting in the cabinet.

I’ve learned that

-          I only need 1-3 decks to look into matters, seek guidance and predict the future.

-          Oracle Cards deliver beautiful messages, but they’re not necessary. They don’t add much depth to the reading. They just help to relieve the pain in your heart.

-          Essential crystals: Clear Quartz, Rose Quartz, Amethyst, Selenite. Amethyst is the most important one for boosting psychic abilities and predicting the future.

-          Cleansing tool: Palo Santo. It’s clean, safe and I can take a piece of Palo Santo anywhere without being afraid it may break or make a mess in my bag. Also, it smells good.

So, how do I learn Tarot now?

-          I rarely watch Tarot YouTube videos nowadays. The messages seem not to resonate with me much. Besides, I want to hear specific messages, not general all the time.

-          I only use 1 Tarot website and 2, 3 Tarot books for reference. I read and re-read the card meanings from those materials.

-          Sometimes, I write card meanings for myself. It’s nothing serious. I just look at the cards and write what comes to mind.

-          I do readings.

The key point is: Less is More.

[doomedeternal]

The “Counterphobic 6″ vs. 8 Conundrum

So this was the thing I wrote after a typing session that finally cleared my accurate Enneagram type. Basically this details the key distinctions between Type 8 and a more “counterphobic” variety of Type 6.

Let’s get all the introductions out of the way: I’m an SP/SO 6w5 with 683 fixes, which puts me in the same caliber as dickheads, douchebags, and dictators.

I also happened to mistype as an 8 (which wing depends on the time of day) for a while until I swapped that card over for a new, shiny 6w5 card.

With this humble piece, I hope to share my story of mistyping, clarity, and in the end, shed some light on the differences between 6 and 8 from the point of view of someone who has fallen into that very same mistyping trap.

MY MISTYPING HELL

I got into the Enneagram through a friend and after a few attempts of testing and conversations with a couple of friends to gauge some observations, I typed myself as an 8, and off I went (I swung between both wings but I didn’t understand why at this point).

As I went deeper into studying the Enneagram, I came across the concept of “phobic” and “counterphobic” when it comes to Type 6. At some point in my deep dive, a lot of the “counterphobic” descriptions hit a nerve a little too close for comfort, and started having doubts about my core type.

That’s where I hit Google and attempted to seek answers to my little conundrum. Unfortunately, instead of finding answers, I found mostly the following:

Half-baked descriptions of both 6 and 8 that never got to the core of either type

Circlejerk threads of 6s (mostly men) posturing themselves as Eights and digging their heels when questioned about the possibility of mistyping

The branding of 6 (especially those who lean towards counterphobia) as “Wannabe 8s”, which has some anecdotal origins, but it loses the essence Sixes have that’s unique to the type.

And many others…

Yet despite all that, I held on to my 8 typing for dear life, while still open to the possibility of mistyping. It’s a walking contradiction of sorts, but such is the life of a Six.

FINDING CLARITY

During my time studying the Enneagram, I came across this site called Enneagrammer, and along with it the Big Hormone Enneagram podcasts. As I pursued all this information, I’ve gained even more clarity about the various types and their relationships with each other in a way I’ve never understood it before.

Despite all that, the question remained: Am I a 6 or an 8?

In a last-ditch attempt to find answers, I caved in and purchased a typing video reading. Unfortunately, I submitted mine during a time where a lot of people did and ended up swapping it with an hour-long typing session with Emeka, one of the ad.

I’m glad I did.

Fast-forward to the 30th of October 2020. I had a difficult time sleeping the night before due to a mix of excitement and anxiety. Thankfully it was first thing in the morning so once I got up and freshened myself up, we started the typing session.

Not even 15 minutes in, the distinction was clear as day.

Emeka explaining how 6 operates, and how my wing, fixes, and stacking interacted to form the full picture of my type felt like someone read my deepest, darkest secrets. It’s like when you’re on stage and your pants fell off in front of an entire audience, but at the same time, it’s in a way validating in an “I feel seen” type of way.

My full type from my 5 wing, assertive fixes, and self-preservation stacking makes for a more “grounded”, earthy flavor of the 6 (as opposed to many type 6 descriptions which appear to have 6w7 in mind). Unless people know what to look for, I can look like a gut type at first glance.

Despite what appearances and first impressions show, the “counterphobic” 6 (who are probably likely to be 8-fixed 6s) have some significant key differences that distinguish them from true 8s.

AGGRESSION AND REACTIVITY

Both 6 (especially 8-fixed 6) and 8 can be aggressive and territorial. As both types reside on the Reactive triad, they’re both intense types who aren’t afraid to let other people know about how they feel about something.

The key difference between both is the motivation behind the aggression.

For starters, the 8 brand of aggression focuses on creating their reality through action and expansion. This makes for a calmer, more deliberate, more shameless type of expressing themselves due to the lack of superego influence.

6’s aggression, on the other hand, happens as a response to the swinging pendulum in their head (or “splitting”) and is usually a cover for deep-seated anxiety. The thing with 6 most of the time is that we don’t even know that we’re anxious – the underlying anxiety is the baseline.

As a 5-wing, my way to seek certainty is to hoard information and devise structures to give me that map. Sometimes it gets to a point where I haven't taken certain factors into consideration (especially because...people are people, and can be unpredictable). When surprises happen, my first instinct is to push on as a reaction to those surprises (because reactive type), which is where the aggression comes from.

It takes a lot of self-reflection and insight to get out of this trap, but with some work and self-reflection, it can be done.

HEAD VS. GUT

All Head types attempt to find a way to orient themselves, frame reality as they know it, and concoct a narrative that makes sense to them, as distorted as the result would be. For the 6, this comes in the form of “what ifs” and worst-case-scenarios.

The 6 is most especially in tune with the nuts and bolts of the systems that matter to them the most. They would be the first people to spot if something is off, which makes them excellent troubleshooters, problem solvers, and project managers.

6’s signature ambivalence leads them to find rational ways to prove a point. For one that’s mistyping as an 8, this can look like trying to create scenarios and reasons to convince others that they’re an 8, which is even more proof of the mistyping at hand.

8s, on the other hand, are the system. They would just chuck everything out, push their way into things, and rewrite reality as it suits them regardless of health level.

INSTINCTUAL STACKING MYTHS

There’s also a pervasive myth in online typology circles that “counterphobic” 6 can only be sexual types. As a self-preservation 6, I can tell you off the bat that this couldn’t be way more off-base and is one of the primary reasons I mistyped as an 8 for so long.

“Counterphobic” 6s can be of any instinctual stacking. The notion that they can only be sexual types can only operate under the assumption that 6 can only be phobic or counterphobic, which is counter to the signature duality of the type.

6 phobia and counterphobia lie on a spectrum. How an individual 6 reacts depends on the person and situation. What the stacking tells you is what instinct this duality is most especially apparent.

For me as a self-preservation 6, this happens when self-preservation issues of health, finances, and lifestyle are at stake. This especially makes me extremely controlling and territorial of my space and any “intrusion” will send the alarm bells.

The main distinction with the 8-fixed 6 brand of boundary defense compared to that of the 8 (which is a more offensive-centric type) is that we tend to be much more vigilant of the boundary and pre-emptively strike before you even cross the line.

ATTACHMENT VS. REJECTION

The final key difference between 6 and 8 lies in one being an attachment type (6) and the other a rejection type (8).

6 (even with assertive and rejection fixes), for all their bluffing and blustering, are at the core attachment types. Whether we’re aware of it or not, as attachment types we have the need to be connected to “The Grid” (whether it’s people, systems, or anything that connects us to the world at large).

This gives us 6s a “testy” quality. We test and probe the people we interact with and change course depending on their reaction. Kind of like how our image-focused 3 siblings do except the reason why we do this is to help us orient the compass rather than craft the best image for the job (that is get the most value).

Meanwhile, 8s, their forceful action is a form of separation and dissociation from “The Grid". As rejection types, they assume right off the bat that they’re going to be rejected and thus offer their strength and willpower as they reject their vulnerability.

THE POWER OF WINGS AND FIXES

Like all attachment types, a 6 core is a “blank canvas” that gains its color and shape based on the wing, fixes, and instinctual stacking.If the core type, wing, and stacking are the main colors, the gut fix are the shadows, and the heart fix are the highlights.

6w5, specifically (due to the influence of the withdrawn, competency-focused 5) tend to be more private, cynical, and “grounded” than the 6w7 and can look like an 8 at first glance. This could all be just me projecting my experiences on to you, but that’s for you to decide.

A 6w7, on the other hand, tends to have more scattered energy due to the 7 mix. This makes for a more optimistic, emotional brand of the type that tends to mistype as 2, 4, or 9.

The narratives of “fighting for the underdog” and “toughening themselves up” usually attributed to 8s are more appropriate to the type 6 (I mean, 6w5 specifically is named The Defender, for God’s sake). More so because we have the hardest time accessing our courage.

Because how do we do the thing when we don’t know what the thing looks like?

What gut fix the 6 has adds striking color to the type: 9-fixed and 1-fixed 6s deal with underlying anxiety by mostly withdrawing from the source (9-fix) or contorting themselves to a standard in the attempt to quell the fear (1-fix).

8-fixed 6s? We just huff, puff, and take action to get it over with.

An 8 fix gives the 6 the license to “be” a 6 and wear the "ping-pong" game on their sleeve. The 6 “Inner Committee” (as Riso brands it) has a meeting every single time we make a decision, and for those of up with 8 fixes, it’s like telling them to shut the fuck up and stomping out in a huff to do the damn thing.

Because of this, an 8-fixed 6 will look more like the 8 stereotypes than an actual 8. 8-cores tend to be much better at picking their battles and knowing when to drop it when something is not worth it to them.’

The heart fix adds yet another dimension to the 6. Adding a 4 heart fix will make the 6-8 even more reactive and “raw”, whereas a 3 heart fix gives the 6-8 stem more tact and an emphasis on “reacting to get a certain reaction”. A 2 heart fix makes for a more people-focused, overbearing parent-figure type of quality.

The 6 can be many things, but “mediocre” and “same-y” is definitely not one of them.

WHY THE CONFUSION AND WHY ADDRESS IT?

Now that we have the differences out of the way, it’s good to ask, “If the differences are clear, why are people confusing the two types anyway?”

The distinction between 6s and 8s has been a subject of online debate since time immemorial. Based on my observations and experience, this is due to several things:

Confusing descriptions that end up adding more questions than answers. We’ve seen this happen with type 4 vs. 9 (another common mistyping), and unfortunately, some discussions blur the distinction for 6 vs. 8 even further.

A society that reveres certain types of strength more than others. This is how many (mostly male, based on observation) 6s posture themselves to the idealized, “powerful” version of the 8 without taking into consideration the dark side of the type.

The bad rep attachment types in general get. For all the pitfalls of 6, they also have their own strengths other types can learn from like loyalty, insight, and anti-elitism.

Defining the distinction between types helps people genuinely see themselves for what they are, warts and all, and helps lay the foundation for fruitful, meaningful inner work that gets us out the trappings of type and connect in a truly authentic way, no matter what type you are.

It gives the space to respond instead of reaching for the first instinct without a care for how it affects the big picture, and for the 6, it serves as the orienting needed to set the course and open up to other possibilities.

[yukusaki]

Hi I've been trying to learn the Japanese language for quite a while, I've been using Memrise and NHK Japan but i am having trouble with their grammar and I'm not sure if I ever made progress. Now, I don't know what's my next step to improve. Do you have any recommendations? I hope u had a good day :>

And to no one's surprise. I wrote an actual novel on the topic.

I'll give you some resources but I recommend trying out different kinds to see what works for you. Learning about your own learning style may also help--for example, I'm a very hands-on learner so I can read about grammar rules all day but until I actually try to put together my own sentences using those rules and get some feedback on what's right and what's not, I Will Not be able to use those rules effectively. Also I have no motivation so I don't study on my own unless I'm working towards a goal (such as the JLPT or answering an ask)

I started with the Pimsleur program, recorded audio lessons that were at my library to check out. You'll learn phrases mostly, but it does not go into detail about grammar and you will learn nothing about writing. If you're mostly concerned about grammar you can definitely skip this one. You can try programs and apps like Duolingo, Rosetta Stone. etc. Duolingo is a bit better about grammar rules and stuff but depending how in-demand the course is, it might not explain anything (try the PC version if it doesn't). I personally think apps like this are good for basic grammar and stuff but once you get more advanced you need More.

Textbooks are actually not a bad way to self-study. I used Genki in my first 2 years of Japanese at university and it's supposed to be one of the best. There's also so so many resources online now. Follow some blogs and get bite-sized tips during your leisure time.

Now, for how I like, Actually learned a lot of my Japanese before I started learning it in organized classes. Listen to music, look through the lyrics, pick out some words you hear a lot and look them up. Watch drama/anime/movies/etc and do the same. Or just put on the subs and don't really pay attention to the audio. I generally have a pretty good ear for pronunciation and intonation already but I attribute how often I get comments on my pronunciation to how much time I spent in my weeb days just hearing naturally-spoken Japanese even if I wasn't totally paying attention. I always recommend exposing yourself to as much content as possible, even in the early stages of learning.

I've got some general study tips on my blog (search studytips) that should help. If nothing else, remember to not burn yourself out. Learning vocab for 5 minutes a day is better than studying 2 hours one day ond taking a 2-month break.

One thing I might not have mentioned in those tips that I feel like more people need to be aware of: a lot of programs are like "learn naturally by immersion like you learned your native language! Just hear phrases and you will Understand the grammar eventually!" okay but like your brain goes through a critical period for language learning when you're like 2. You are (presumably) no longer 2. Your brain is not the same as it was when you were 2. You should not expect to learn the same way as you did then. I read somewhere that being able to learn rules is the one advantage the adult brain has over a child's brain when it comes to second language learninp. So what this means in practice is: when you come across some grammar thing you don't get, don't let people tell you "oh you'll get it in time, you'll just Know." Look that shit up! What's the difference between は wa and が ga? There a literal list of rules you can memorize! (I don't have a link, it was a handout from one of my classes, sorry!) Familiarizing yourself with English grammar even helps to learn how to apply those rules to a new language. Learn the difference between a subject and an object and all that good stuff. You have different resources now as a not-2-year-old so use them!!

Finally, some resources I personally use:

Kanji draw (app): https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.lusil.android.kanjidraw.jlpt5 (not sure if there's an IOS version sorry)--like flashcards for kanji but makes you actually write it, and with correct stroke order which I promise makes them easier to remember (and this was the only app I found that actually checks you for accurate writing). It has some algorithm for how often you see each character that is fantastic for memorization--more often when you first learn a character and after you get it wrong, less often once you know it well, introduces new characters gradually but keeps the old ones in rotation for a while so you never get thrown into a set of 20 completely new kanji.

find you a good dictionary app--I can't find the one I use on the app store but I can search in kana/kanji or romaji or English, any conjugation of a verb or adjective, and find what I'm looking for. Also has a kanji lookup tool with radicals.

Google translate--yeah, for real. I use this one when I want to scan a large section of text for something specific. Or when I'm writing a long sentence that I want to doublecheck. Also has a kanji lookup tool you can handwrite in, and of course don't forget the camera translation tool.

honyakustar (website)--a website with a lot of sentences in both Japanese and English. I use it All The Time to figure out how a word is actually used in practice--what particles it uses, if it's formal or informal, if it's stative or dynamic, collocations, etc.

Hellotalk (app)--it's super well known, just google it. A social app for chatting with native speakers of your target language.

Common Japanese Collocations by Kakuko Shoji (book)--collocations are words that "go" together naturally. We say "take" a bath, Japanese says "enter" a bath (お風呂に入る). This book is a good reference for looking up these collocations.

The Basics of Japanese Grammar: Verbs (book)--I downloaded this on my nook in high school for like 2 dollars and 50 cents give or take and it pleased my rule-oriented brain greatly. just has like all the verb conjugations with short explanations and example sentences and stuff.

Thanks for your question! Feel free to ask me anything!💕

[thebibliosphere]

Hi! Feel free to ignore this if you don't have the spoons, it's a question about ADHD. I'm tempted to get tested for both ADHD and austism bc I feel like I have a lot of those symptoms. But how do I tell the difference? There seems to be a lot of overlap and I have no idea if I have one or the other or both? Every time I see those "this is an ADHD experience" or "this is a ASD experience" I seem to relate. Some friends think I have both, others say because I can drive I can't have ADHD? thanks

Apologies if this is a messy ramble, I’m a bit out of it right now, but let me just start with this:

“others say because I can drive I can't have ADHD”.

That is just an inherently untrue statement. There are plenty of people with ADHD who drive, my husband is one of them, as is my best friend, and several other people I can think of right now. Some folks with ADHD might not feel able to drive, but that is not the blanket “norm”, because no one person with ADHD has the exact same life experience and capabilities. Statements like that come from a place of ignorance, and lets be honest here, a little bit of ableism.

I also get people telling me all the time that I can’t actually have ADHD cause I’m an editor, and editing requires detail orientated work and “hyper just means you’re a scatter brain right? it’s not like you have the attention span for that”, to which I reply: have you ever met anyone with a hyper fixation? Some of us can channel that shit.

Of course that’s not true for everyone with ADHD, cause ADHD as we are coming to realize, is also a spectrum disorder.

Some people will swing clearly to one “side” of hyper, while some people will struggle with inattentiveness. Some others, like myself, have a combination of both, because although the sliding scale analogy can be helpful, it’s not entirely accurate. My exact diagnosis is combination ADHD with emphasis toward hyperactivity and rapid cycling thoughts combined with inattentiveness. Physically I’m not hyper, but mentally my brain is always “on”, which y’know, if you follow my blog it’s pretty evident I’m always going a mile a minute inside my own head, but outwardly? I’d pass for neurotypical because I’m not what ADHD “looks like”.

You are also right in that there is a lot of overlap between ADHD and ASD, and it is entirely possible to have either one or the other or both, and chances are if you are relating to those posts? There’s something there worth looking into.

I always used to find ADHD posts relatable, but just assumed everyone did on some level. Turns out not so much... turns out some people don’t have executive dysfunction problems... turns out some people can go to sleep at a regular hour and fall asleep within minutes, or finish a thought through without jumping onto a next one, or don’t find boredom so excruciatingly painful it can hurt like a physical ache or make you want to scream... seems fake I know, but apparently it’s a thing.

For the longest time I beat myself up for not being smart enough, for being lazy, for not being able to do such basic every day things. I hated myself for it. I despised what I perceived as personal and moral failings on my part, because I could not do supposedly easy things in the way people said I ought. Turns out there was a reason for that. And I am smart, I’m not lazy, and I can do things. I just needed a better level of support than I was getting.

If you want to get tested for both, get tested for both. I did on the advice of my therapist. It was enlightening and really helped me realize how much my ADHD actually affects my every day life, which in turn has helped me start to make it a lot, lot better.

I hope some of that was helpful to you, and I hope you find the help you need

[blindprof]

It’s Complicated

When people first hear me say that I am blind or severely visually impaired (B/VI), the most common reaction is surprise…followed by sympathy…followed most often by awkward silence. This is totally understandable. Unless you are regularly interacting with differently abled people, disabilities are uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable and awkward around people who live with other forms of disability.

Heck, I’m still awkward around other people who are B/VI. And even this is understandable. Because each person is unique. Each manifestation of visual impairment is unique. Each path to and with B/VI is unique. Each person has unique life experiences, coping mechanisms, support networks, etc. We are all strangers in a strange land. I’ll have other posts dedicated to the whack-a-doo personal and social psychology of B/VI. For now, the focus remains on the physical, or rather the perceptual.

The second reaction is usually a question: “How bad is it” or “What do you see?” And my answer is “It’s complicated.”

In my first post, I laid out some more technical details: I have a visual field that is less that 10 degrees, night blindness, color blindness, uncorrectable myopia, light sensitivity, etc. But it’s not apparent how these details really affect what I see and how that impacts what I can do. This post will go into greater detail into what and how I see. Later posts will focus on how I (try to, with varying levels of success, stupidity, and hilarity) cope with these limitations.

It probably makes sense to start with my visual field, as this is the aspect of my vision that “qualifies” me as legally blind. However, before getting to that, we really need a basic understanding of how humans see. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it short and simple.

It may be easiest to compare the eye to a modern digital camera. A camera lens gathers and focuses light; it also constrains the amount of light passing through by altering the size of a mechanical aperture. In the human eye, these functions are performed by the lens and the pupil, respectively. In a digital camera, the lens focus light onto a CCD or CMOS sensor, which is a dense grid of light sensitive “pixels,” each generating a small electrical charge proportional to how much light (within a certain wavelength) is hitting it. The human retina is the biological, electrochemical equivalent. Finally, a digital camera has wires that transport these electrical signals to a computer, which then interprets the signals to create a digital image. Here, the human analogues are the optic nerve and the visual cortex within the brain.

As I noted in my first post, I have Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), which primarily impacts my retina. Due to the wonders of genetics and epigenetics, other parts are impacted. But for now, I’ll focus on the retina. Characteristically, people with RP find that their retinal “pixels”—millions of light-sensitive “rod” and “cone” structures, as well as protective retinal pigment epithelial (RPE) cells from which the disease gets its name—stop functioning from the outside in. We don’t know the exact cause, nor is there yet any proven way to slow, much less reverse the process.

Of course, this is a biological process that is unique to each individual. For me, it has progressed relatively slowly from childhood. I can recall early symptoms as far back as age 6. I’ll have a separate post at some point talking about progression. But it is notable the process is neither steady nor predictable. I’ll have periods of relative stability followed by periods of perceptible loss. It’s rarely like a light switch, but rather more like a dimmer. Each area of loss will appear darker with less usable information until it is just “clicked off” by the brain, presumably redirecting its limited processing resources to doing something other than trying to interpret shotty data from dying cells. For me, the progression has also been very spotty—for example, I retained some usable vision in the extremes of my left-right periphery until just a couple years ago, despite progressively losing most of my peripheral vision between there and my center.

The result today is that I have very little of my retina remaining that pretends to function “normally.” I can detect very high contrast light vs. dark in some of my periphery, but nothing there that you would qualify as usable sight. My central vision is still somewhat functional, but has been fading rapidly of late. As I said, it’s spotty, but on average in good light I have maybe 10-15 degrees total horizontal vision and less than 10 vertical. And much of that is probably equivalent to what most would consider to be peripheral vision. To help better “feel” what this means, here are a few examples of how this manifests itself in my day-to-day life.

When I’m sitting across a table from you, I can see your face but not your hands. If I’m not socially distant, I might be able to see your eyes or your mouth, but not both at the same time. I often creep people out during a conversation because I’m constantly losing eye contact and moving my eyes to different parts of their body. I promise, I’m not “undressing you with my eyes”—people talk with their entire bodies, and I’m simply trying to catch as many visual cues as possible.

When watching TV from 10 feet away, I can “see” my entire 55-inch screen. But less than a quarter of that is in my central vision. I have to move my eyes to see detail or read signs or captions. Sports and fast action scenes are difficult to catch. A fast action, dark scene with subtitles…oy…the Battle of Winterfell may as well have been a BBC Radio broadcast.

I can read, though usually only slowly and for short periods, especially if it is paper and ink. I see only a few words at a time, so my eyes have to constantly move. This causes a lot of eye strain, and I have trouble keeping both eyes properly oriented and occasionally have periods where one eye twitches uncontrollably—obviously I’m channeling my inner Mad-Eye Moody.

And of course, navigating unfamiliar or unpredictable environments is very difficult. I navigate by moving from waypoint to waypoint, and if I don’t know the waypoints or if things jump in my way, well, bad things happen. Or maybe funny things.

More on all of these and their many repercussions in future posts.

People ask, “What do you ‘see’ in the places where you have no vision? Is it blackness? Emptiness? Blurry?” Again, it’s complicated, but for the most part, my brain has just removed those areas from its visual processing “algorithm.” So, I see the same thing that you see when something is beyond your peripheral vision…just nothing. There are long periods of adjustment as I lose sight—kind of like losing a limb and still expecting it to be there. But eventually it’s just not a part of the picture that my brain paints of the world around me.

Unfortunately, that’s not all. Night blindness is often the first detected symptom for folks with RP. What is left of my retina doesn’t detect light well, so I need much more of it. The result is that I’m totally blind in low-light situations. I need direct light to see any kind of detail. I carry a flashlight everywhere I go and use it regularly day and night.

So, I need bright light. But it is also my nemesis. My eyes compensate like one would with a digital camera…by cranking open the aperture (pupil) and turning up the gain on the sensor. This does allow me to function semi-normally in certain situations. But it also results in severe light sensitivity. As with a camera, the wider pupil also results in loss of detail, and bright light can almost entirely wash any other visual information. To make matters even worse, although my pupils do function, they are VERY slow to adjust.

The results of all of that are varied. I’ll post more details in the future. But for example, I am no longer able to read a computer screen for any length of time without inverted colors. It’s like trying to read while staring at headlights. I truly need dark mode on all of my devices. Also, changing lighting conditions are challenging, especially when they are extreme. When I come in from outside, my eyes can take many minutes to adjust. And bright light sources like sunny windows in otherwise moderately lit environments can really cause havoc.

Finally, a common comorbidity with RP are cataracts, which cause hardening and blurring of the lens. Of course, this one hit me, as well. A number of years ago, I had cataract surgery. It was great. I was the youngest patient in the surgery center by like 30 years. The process involves using a magic wand to dissolve your natural lens and replacing it with a plastic one. This gets rid of the blurring, but entirely removes the ability to focus. As a bonus, I did go from needing coke bottle glasses to just needing a couple of diopters of correction. But this further complicates reading, and means I’m constantly donning and doffing my specs or having to look below them to read. Minor in the big scheme of things, but it does make me look and feel like a damn old fart.

Okay, if you made it this far, you deserve to be let off the hook for now. There’s more like the fact that my corneas—the eyes’ (usually) clear “lens caps”—now seem to cause my sight to remain blurry for the first couple of hours of each day. Or that the eye strain can sometimes get so physically painful that I have to close my eyes for long periods during the day. But this is a mostly complete and accurate snapshot of what I’m currently living with physically.

I guess I didn’t present too many funny or uplifting or forward-looking things in here. Truth is, you kind of have to muddle along with me through these sewers to eventually find the humor and hope in all of this. Because it’s complicated. But I’ll get there if you’re patient.