#I always want a label on things please help... How am I supposed to talk about you?

[mrfoox]

Me: it's okay to not identify something, it's okay not to put a label on things, let them just be

My autism: -chewing own hands off-

[blueshistorysims]

“Carl’s just finished university, yes?” 

Stella nodded. “He studied business. Same school his father went. Same fucking degree. Honestly, I was worried he’d end up like him too. I liked Henrietta, but I was somewhat relieved when he broke up with her.”

“Because he broke the pattern?”

“Exactly. Whatever he saw in the war… it fucked with him, and now… I just want him to do something. Take his mind off of things. Sitting around and doing nothing is gonna make it worse. I still remember how bad your nightmares got.”

He frowned. “They never go away, but… it gets better. I don’t have one every night. Not even every week. They came back during the war… and when Simon-Elliot died.”

“My son lived and yours died. He was a nice boy.” She smiled sadly. “He hid his elopement much better than we did.”

“That he did. Though he had help from people who knew a thing or two about hiding a relationship.” He swallowed back a sob. “I miss him so much. I wish we’d been closer. That was my fault. I’ve tried to be more present for Kit and by extension Ludivine, but it won’t make up for my absence in Simon-Elliot and Amalia’s lives.”

“If you’re looking for comfort, you’re talking to the wrong person.”

He chuckled. “What would Dr. Spock think of us?”

She scoffed, waving her arm dismissively. “Praying I won’t fuck up my son any more than I have.”

“Stella.”

She sighed. “What?”

“Let me take Carl under my wing. I’m incredibly rich, and moreover, I’m white. I can get him into a job or internship or apprenticeship that he wouldn’t normal get. Let me abusive my previlges. It’ll help him get his mind off of things. Besides, thirty years ago your brother and cousin made me a similar offer and invited me to America. I’d like to return the favor.”

“You’ll have to ask Carl, Byron, and he’s stubborn.”

“Well, so I am.” 

“Oh, I know, Byron.” Her tone was sultry. 

He turned his body to completely face her and suddenly, he felt like he was in his twenties again. “Stella…”

“Sometimes I wonder when we’re alone long enough, how much more time will it be before I rip off your clothes and fuck you right on the floor. But then I remember I respect your wife too much.”

“...You don’t respect me?”

“No. No, I don’t. Do you?”

Byron didn’t answer. 

Stella sighed. “Talk to Carl. You’ll do him some good. And I’ll be grateful.”

“Do you enjoy gardening, Carl?” Byron asked, finding the young man staring at the fountain and roses.

“No,” he replied, “but I think you got a nice garden, sir.”

“Please call me Byron.”

Carl sighed. “If you insist. Though I suppose it’s hard to find a name to call the man who used to be your mother’s husband.”

“We were barely married two years. Longest two years of my life.”

“My mother says the same.” He turned to look at him. “Did she send you out here to talk to me?”

“Yes,” he admitted. “She’s worried about you. You know how mothers are.”

“What was your mother like?”

“...She never approved of either of my marriage choices. We had a falling out around ‘32. But she loved me, and we made amends in the end.”

He hummed. “And what do you have to say?”

“I have connections, Carl. I’m incredibly rich, and I want to see you succeed. I want to help you.”

“Why?”

“Because your uncles and father did the same for me, and I want to return the favor. Samson tells me you like music.”

“I’m not a musician. The minute people in the army learned I was related to Samson Gardenhouse, everyone wanted to know if I could sing or play an instrument. They were always disappointed. I do love music, I love looking for the new and bold. Living in New York is great for that.”

“So’s London.”

“What are you saying?”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I can get you any job anywhere.”

“What, are you going to bribe a company to hire someone like me?”

“Yes.”

Carl laughed. “I’m not allowed to say no, am I?”

“I’m happy to see you got the sentiment rather quickly. You like music, I could get you a job with talent management at one of the big record labels here. You already have the advantage of being related to a big jazz star. If black musicians can get signed to major record labels, I don’t see why they can’t hire a black manager. And if you get bored or homesick, you will always be welcome here at Walshstone Park.” He stuck his hand out. “What do you say?”

The younger man was silent for a minute before he sighed and shook his hand. “You would make a good businessman.”

“So I’ve been told.” 

beginning/previous/next

[chaconnehoon]

⟢ Ex Heeseung (?)

— Lee Heeseung x reader ( fem )

Genre: angst

( 📝 ) note. from chaconnehoon

Enjoy!

© All rights reserved chaconnehoon do not copy.

" dangerously yours " On Spotify

🛋️

Y.JW: I really think you both should act mature and have a conversation.

L.HS: There is no more to be said. It is final, we're officially over now.

Y.JW: but Heeseung-

L.HS: Listen to me! I am doing this for a reason...

This is for her good. Trust me

Y.JW: But you're both hurting, you can see it from a mile away. Everyone can!

L.HS: It doesn't matter, it'll help her move on. It's the best for her she deserves the best.

Y.JW: I have one question tho... why did you tell her you didn't love her?

Why did I tell her I didn't love her? Easy question but difficult answer. He loved her, she was his everything. But one thing prevented him, scratch that chained him from being with her...

Flash back *

Doctor: Mr. Lee we got your results, it's best for you to come here so we can talk face to face sir.

And this is how Heeseung came running to the hospital. Questioning what was happening with him. You see Heeseung had a cold and found it a lot hard to breathe properly lately. At first it was difficult but after some treatment it went well a little. But then it suddenly came back, and got even worse.

At the doctor’s office *

L.HS: Sir please, what is happening?

Doctor: You might want to take a seat first Mr Lee.

One second, two seconds three seconds or more passed.

Doctor: I have your examination and files and it looks like you have a unfortunate case. You have lung cancer Mr Lee and you're on the last stage.

Silence

Doctor: we guessed that you have up to 7 months before your lungs would completely give up on you. I'm sorry you have to hear this.

Before Heeseung could even notice, he was back in his apartment with dinner already cooked on the table. And your beautiful smile painted on your lips.

You came while he was out, to prepare a little something for him because he had told you he didn't quite feel well for a while.

Heeseung was speechless not only because of your kind act but also about his little (BIG) problem. He didn't tell anyone yet, what was he supposed to say even?

" oh babe, I’m dying soon! YOLO "

Who could he go to?

Is this how everything ends?

He didn't do everything he wanted yet! He was just 20!

Those where one of the millions of thousands thoughts going trough heeseungs mind. But regardless he chose to let everything at the back of his mind.

Because right now his lover is here with him and she's everything he could ask for especially that he is in his last days. You are his girlfriend of 1 year almost 2. You guys met each other when you were in college and soon started dating.

Heeseung's first impression of you was that you were sweet,kind and a softie. He really liked you! You were soft spoken had a great fashion sense and a sweetheart to everyone. Even the people that didn't deserve it, you were an angel in his eyes.

He loved the way you would smile and the way your smile was so bright and beautiful. He loved the way you liked to get to know people before putting a label on them just from what you see without facts.

And most of it all, he loved your eyes. He loved how they would sparkle a little more when you would see things that you liked or enjoyed doing. The sparkle in your eyes always brought him a big sensation of joy.

But that day, that day was dreadful for him and you. The day he unraveled the core clenching truth. Well he didn't exactly say all the truth...

She was doing the dishes happily. Her raven locks were bouncing every time she would make any movement and it glowed under the tingling lights. But there was something even brighter about her.

Her eyes, they were the most brightest of them all. Brighter than the stars, the sun. The lights. She outshined them all with only the two pairs. But soon that shine would fade.

The man went down the stairs with heavy steps. And no it is not the steps that are heavy but the words that are going to spit out of him. For one time words would be louder and heavier than action.

" Y/N... " it's already getting heavy.

" Yes Heeseung how are you? Now that I think about it you haven't told me-

" Break up "

" what happened... what? Heeseung what did you say-

" break up, let's break up Y/N " he finally got the guts to look at her. And he saw it, he saw for the first time the lights fading away from her eyes. Her eyes widening, he could see the confusion and fear in them.

" Heeseung what do you mean? This is a joke right-

" I am not, you see I used you Y/N "

Lie

" You are nothing to me. I didn't thought it was going to be so easy to get you hooked around my fingers. "

Bigger Lie

" Now please save us both the embarrassment and annoyance by leaving "

Lie

Lie

Lie

Lie

It's ALL a big lie

" okay " is all she said while taking her things and getting out.

While passing by him he could see that the lights completely faded and he could see pools of tears forming in her eyes.

Bam!

She was gone and the man got on his knees and started crying. Pouring his heart out and he kept crying. Not only for him but also for the woman who he just lost forever.

Present *

Yang Jungwon POV:

Yang Jungwon couldn't bear watching the two dearest people to him go through this. The world was a cruel place. Why does his Heeseung hyung have to die? Why is his friend, Heeseung's ex crying thinking she did something wrong.

While she did nothing wrong. It's a total different thing and the worst is she probably would not know the real reason for why Heeseung broke up with her. This breaks him.

So he did something

YJW: hello?

Beep beep beep

Y/N: Yes jungwon,hi!

YJW: Hi how have you been?

Y/N: okay, what about you?

YJW: I have been fine, it's just I lost something l...

Y/N: Oh! What is it?

YJW: well there's this letter I forgot at Heeseung's place so if you could...

He rambled

Y/N: No, sorry jungwon. Anything else?

YJW: Y/N please? I really need it right now. He has been locking himself up, he doesn't answer.

He knew it was bad to play with feelings because he knew you still cared about him. Even if it is a little bit, so he did it.

Y/N: Ugh! Fine I'll go, but you owe me Yang.

She said and hung up.

At Heeseung's 🛋️

The girl arrived and stood in front of the door of his home. It was slightly ajar. And she remembered, it was the same door she slammed shut when they broke up. She inhaled and exhaled before entering the home.

" Heeseung ? "

She repeated twice but the third time-

" Heeseung?! "

Silence

Now she was panicking. She got in deeper into the house and noticed the mess his home was in. Thousands of papers on the grounds, and trash. It seemed like he wanted to write something but ended up not finishing because he didn't like it.

She was now full on stress mode. She pushed aside the huge trash and pile of clothes to go to his bedroom that was at the end. And pulled it really hard to open it.

" Heeseung! What is happening? "

At first she didn't notice his state because she was blinded by confusion and worry. But when she got a proper look of him, she was shocked.

The Heeseung she is seeing right now is not the same as then. He was now even slimmer than normally, he was already a pretty slim man but now he was unhealthy slim.

He was very pale and the lively look in his eyes is now gone. He now had a dull look in his bambi like eyes. It was not a sight to see.

" Y/N? What are you doing here huh "

He said turning away from her. She silently approached him and took his face into her hands. " Heeseung...what is going on? " the girl questioned.

There was a lot of questions going through her head right now. Since Heeseung wasn't answering she looked around and noticed a letter. She looked back at heeseung and followed his gaze. He was also looking at the letter.

She picked it up with her right hand. It was heeseung’s medical card ( do you call it that??) she ran her hands over it and stopped at the very last sentence.

That read lung cancer…

Her eyes widened and she looked back to Heeseung her eyes searching for some answers and she silently hoped that he would deny what she just read, but no.

" omg Heeseung why? " she hugged him. Understanding things now, now it made sense to her. It was clear what was going on right now and she could only hold him close to her. Hoping it would last for as long as it could.

" Don't worry okay? I'm here, you're not alone anymore. I forgive you Heeseung " she said with sobs. The latter also couldn't help but let tears out.

He was more than happy to have her here. That she was there for him in the most vulnerable moment of his life. He truly loved her and she did too. Even after all of this happening.

In the morning *

Y/N left already because she had work. We cried,laughed and reconciled that night. It was nice to hear that she still cared about me and forgave me. Right now I'm making lunch so that when she comes back she has something to eat at work.

After I finished I packed her lunch and made a note that I put inside her lunchbox. And then I felt like my throat was dry so I went to drink water in the kitchen but before I could reach there. I felt the pit again in my stomach.

That feeling-

Oh shit!

During lunch break **

Y/N was really happy to meet with Heeseung again. She was happy she came in time before it was too late. He also told her he got a surprise for her. So she's even more excited now.

Upon entering a horrific scene was in front of her. She felt like in a movie, where the scene was playing and she was a staff watching it unfold. On the floor, was Heeseung with blood oozing out of his mouth. Some of it already dried up and some seemed like fresh new blood.

His eyes was shut and he looked terrifying, dead

Heeseung died.

Not far away from him sat a flower, with a note.

[the-ellia-west]

@ Wild

What do you think about the others? Honest opinion, but I won't tell them, promise.

OOOH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK, KIWI!!!

This is actually awesome, especially cool to ask Wild (the one who sees everything)

-

Wild: ...

Wild: They don't think I notice a lot of things. They don't think a lot of people notice things. But I do.

Wild: I may not feel much, but I can put labels on what little I can. Many think seeing who they really are means I would hate them. But that is a shallow view of a shallow mind. Everyone has some good in them.

Wild: Ronan, I like him. Underneath all that fire in his heart, he's a kind guy, fun-loving and well-meaning. He's just hurt. And I wish I could help him. He helped me.

Wild: Finn. He's a good leader. Knows what he's doing. Tries his best. He never spends time with me. But I don't mind. I know I'm quiet. I know his attention Is needed elsewhere. But I do love him. I really do. He tries to make me comfortable, I see that. He's kind and loving. I want to be just like him. Rose told me my father wasn't a good one. Is this what a father is supposed to do?

Wild: Morena, she's lovely. Reminds me of someone. But I can't recall who. She pretends everything is alright, but I can see that it isn't, she just wants to make sure we're all okay and not worry about her. She loves Finn. She doesn't see how much Finn loves her. She doesn't see how much we all love her. She's scared. Like me. She loves me more than anything, makes me feel like I deserve it. And I love her.

Wild: Rose is my favorite person. She reminds me of what I can remember of mother. She loves me, she shows me how to use my magic. She's always there for me. She makes sure I'm okay. She cares about me. About my emotions. About my wellbeing. And I care about her. I don't think she knows that I see she's running herself into the ground for us. She's smart, and strong. But I wish she cared more for herself. Her and Morena. Her magic inspires me.

Wild: Jakkon? I like him a lot. He has his own problems. I know that. But he was pleasant to me when Rose brought me to him. He looked... scared when He saw me, almost like how I felt before Father hurt me. And I can tell he's hurting himself. In more eays than one. He doesn't want Rose to know. He doesn't want any of us to know. Finn knows. Ronan has an idea. Rose knows. But not to the extent she thinks she does. He hurts. Badly. And I want to help him. I just don't know how. He talks to me like I'm grown up, and he's proud of me. That makes me feel a little warm. I like being around him. I think I make him happy sometimes.

Wild: Mangrove... I love him he's like my brothers. Only... if they liked me. He's a bit haughty and vain, but I can tell he's not really. He just pretends he is. And he has so much emotion. I sometimes mimic him. Maybe if I do what he does when he feels strong emotion... maybe I will, too. He has his own problems with emotion, though. He doesn't know how to take out those big emotions in any way that is not destroying something. He likes telling me stories, I can tell he really likes talking about this man named Caius. And I like listening. I think they're related. I admire him.

Wild: Phenik is my best friend. He doesn't know. And I haven't told him. But he is the kindest, loveliest person I have ever met. He even Rivals mother. He does his best to make sure I know he loves me and cares about me. He includes me, and asks me questions about myself, and I do the same. I am interested in everything he says, he has a fascinating life, and I can tell he's sad under all those smiles. But that's what drives him to be kind. He doesn't want anyone to be sad. Ever. And that's amazing. At least, I think so.

Bonus:

Wild: Fye is an interesting person. She is angry and sad, and happy, and excited and bored all at once. She wants to hurt, but to heal others as well, she wants to change, but she wants to please her father. There is a good woman under there somewhere. I can see her every time Fye smiles at Phenik's jokes or Morena's Compliments, I can see her every time Finn tells her she's done a good job. She just wants to be loved. Only she thinks it must be earned, or else taken.

[shoyastars]

Audrey Cinder

Hero of the Stars with a Hero of Sparks

Please remember that the fandom of Binary Star Hero isn’t for children, therefore no children are allow to interact or come in contact with the game or creator CONCRETEPARASITE. The game is intended for adults and should respect the the choices of the creator. Thank you for reading this and we can now continue.

Also:

Bold: Creed

Normal text: Audrey

Both Creed and Audrey are labeled as Pink for they’re characters are both somewhat important, yet not important to the story.

Pink: Somewhat important characters for a certain character, or certain part for the story.

“Feels like yesterday I became a hero… the times I’ve failed… the times I’ve won…”

“It really doesn’t matter!”

.

.

“But to pause for one moment in a situation of great danger….”

.

.

“Is like showing weakness…. And showing you how you aren’t ready…”

.

.

.

.

“Good thing I’m gout of that stage am I right?”

The audience would cheer or laugh after the hero Sparks answered a question upon their experience for being in the hero field for 4 years. National television always had its “flare” as people would say… for Audrey it would be a act, they learned from Binary Star himself that to keep you’re secret identity, it’s important to keep you’re personal life far away from you’re hero life as much as possible. Audrey couldn’t help but be a bit tired of acting like the go lucky hero all the time, now they knew how Ray felt… and he’s done this for years…

“Ahaha! Well aren’t you quite the wonder! Now tell us.”

“Hm?”

“What was it like being Binary Stars sidekick for you?”

Audrey could say the truth but was against it, they’d rather not use Binary Star as a tool for popularity, but the people love him, and once they hear you used to be his sidekick, they won’t stop wondering.

“Now, now. Didn’t I say not to talk of Binary Star since he’s not here?”

With that Audrey played it off in a playful tone, as to keep her cheerful act up.

“Oh we know, but the fans are just dying to know! Especially since we’re having this interview with you today!”

Audrey couldn’t help but feel a bit of spite from the interviewer, could they really not lay off? Yet again, it is their job to try and get people to talk. Especially when it comes to popular media….

“I-“

“I don’t believe that’s necessary.”

With her surprise Binary star…. Was here?? Nobody told her about this.

The interviewer smiled as he then sat down on the chair next to me, that was supposed to be empty.

“Good timing! I was just asking her what it was like being you’re sidekick for 2 years.”

He looked at Audrey with that obviously fake smile, he could read her mind. However her tone was all the more clear she wasn’t interested in talking about it.

“Now I don’t think it’s-“

“No, no! Please do tell everyone. I would like to know as well what you thought.”

Audrey felt annoyed, Ray was definitely being a pain in the ass on purpose…. Thanks a lot Ray!

Thankfully Audrey was able to survive the interview along with Binary Star’s games… She felt so tired, she gone ahead and changed out of her clothes that screamed out that she was Sparks, and changed into her usual comfort clothes of choice. Looking into the mirror however… She groans in annoyance, too much makeup… what was it with shows and looking their best? They do get it, the makeup kinda helps with the whole “keeping your identity a secret” thing, but still… there is a thing called too much…

After washing it all off she sighed, tired after a long day of work. She starts walking out the door, feeling the cool night air in the city.

“Hey Kid, think you forgot something.”

‘Great….’

With that Audrey turned to face him, not wanting to talk to him today. He handed her her phone. At least it was an important item.

“Thanks.”

The silence was thick. It’s been so long since they last talked. He was announced to be arriving in the city… but didn’t know exactly what the NAHA was up to yet again.

“Um… I’m just gonna…. Go…”

“Hold on one second.”

“Yes?…”

Audrey wondered what he could’ve wanted from her. He was never interested in talking to her before, the NAHA partially had him ask her to become his sidekick, due to other heros being occupied. It really did feel awkward.

“…”

“…”

“……”

“Have a good night.”

???

‘The fuck?’

That was weird….

Was he actually trying or was it just him chickening out?…… weird guy….

Audrey just shrugs and goes home to rest. Luckily tomorrow she has a day off.

-______________________________________________-

The next day when she woke up she was trying to enjoy her morning, She went to a small cafe, Waning Crescent. The quiet cafe brings calm, and less worry that people will recognize her. The employees are more easy to talk to, when they easy to talk to they mean don’t give a fuck what the latest new on hero’s are, except the ever so energetic Miles. Who was practically a hero loving fanboy. She enjoys their coffee, sometimes she has enough time before work to stop in and get a cup. However, today was a day they were glad not to be working to enjoy and savor their drink however long they want for today.

“Hello!”

“Hi!”

“Same as usual I’m guessing?”

“Yep, pretty much a regular here. How the job going for you?”

“It’s been a month and I’ve pretty much got things down, but Miles has not gotten the name down yet…”

“Miles… always the one to be a bit more silly.”

The cashier with the name tag labeled ‘Mistin’ let out a light laugh.

“Silly is an understatement… a bit of an-“

“Caramel Latte!”

“Oh that’s mine.”

Audrey got her drink and took a sip, as expected it was comforting as usual.

“You’re not in a rush today?”

Audrey shook her head.

“Nope, I’ve got the day off. I’ve Decided that I might as well enjoy my favorite cafe on my day off.”

“You sure it’s you’re favorite?”

Audrey rolled her eyes as she laughs a bit.

“Well unlike other cafes, you guys are more fun to talk to.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

With that the person with green hair smiles a bit.

“And you sure it’s not cause of the coffee?”

“Why can’t it be both? Having a nice chat and having a fresh coffee.”

“Is a latte even a coffee?”

The employee named miles questions as he comes out from the back.

“Hm, good question.”

“Let’s just stick to not asking questions and doing our actual jobs, Miles.”

Miles only shrugs, obviously not taking Creed seriously.

With that Audrey went to sit down somewhere comfortable. She enjoyed the somewhat peaceful atmosphere, they noticed Binary Star’s interview on the television.

‘Great…’

Audrey couldn’t help but feel annoyed anytime someone or something brought up hero’s especially out in public. She then brought out her phone trying to find some music to distract them, until they realized they left they’re headphones back home.

‘God damn it…’

Audrey then decided to try and just relax again. Until they heard Haley and Mistin talking.

“What do you think my dream job would be?”

“I dunno, a hero maybe?”

‘Them to?….’

“Pfft I really look the type huh?”

At this point Audrey gave up.

The door opened and suddenly a familiar person comes in, Audrey almost choked on her own drink seeing him.

That was Ray!

“Maybe your superhero name could be like… the Pessimist or something.”

Mistin laughed, without even noticing the guy behind him.

Audrey would’ve felt bad for the guy if only Haley didn’t make that joke, causing her to laugh a bit as well.

“Oh yeah? And what exactly would I do? Bum all the villains out so much they decide to go home?”

Mistin then unties they’re apron and mock a superhero pose. Audrey smiles a bit a light laugh coming out.

“You there, disgusting villain! Don’t you have any idea about the money you are stealing?”

Audrey tries to hold in yet another laugh. She can’t help herself.

“Inflation is on the rise! That money will be worth next to nothing in 2 years!”

Audrey covered her mouth with her arm, as to not cause Ray to look over at her, she doesn’t wanna deal with him outside of work. However the joke couldn’t help but be more than true.

“Pfft!”

Haley turned they’re back to Mistin.

“Wow you could totally go for it, you are even bumming me out!”

Even Mistin found the ridiculousness of it.

“That’s what I like about you Mistin.”

“You feel like the only other person that truly couldn’t give a shit about the heros.”

“Me and Creed both.”

“Even villains tend to have favorite heros.”

“You and Creed couldn’t care less.”

Haley seemed more interested now.

“Why is that?”

“Mom and Dad were never a hero fan household, so.. technology, like children like parents.”

“Mhm.”

“And Taxpayer money and all that…”

“Uhh… can I order?”

“HOLY!?”

Mistin jumped when they heard Ray’s voice, which surprised both Ray and Audrey. Audrey couldn’t help but giggle, causing Ray to look over to her.

Audrey couldn’t help but curse themself. They could practically feel his disappointment that she was there, Audrey only wanted to enjoy a drink at a cafe they like and this happens….

Audrey quickly gets out of there and decides to walk home. She does not want to be accused of following him outside of work, when clearly they were there first. She knows she’ll get a call later, but couldn’t care less.

After arriving at a home, Audrey laid down on her bed. Sighing as they thought about why Ray was in the cafe. He never been seen drinking coffee before. They’re phone began to ring, without looking at the caller she answered, probably the nagging old man Hershel himself.

“Ye-“

“So you go to Waning Crescent?”

“Agh!”

Audrey was startled to the point of accidentally hanging up on Ray. He never called them outside of work or called just to talk, besides he was once their boss so….

“Shit-“

‘Maybe I should call him back or maybe…. I should wait for him to call?….’

‘How the hell do I even call a guy who used to be my boss….. what if he doesn’t answer back????’

‘If he’s calling me it’s probably important, however he mentioned the cafe Waning Crescent… what could be so important about that he called me?’

Audrey’s phone buzzed again, this time she checked her phone. It’s Ray again.

‘Ok Audrey, don’t panic this time. Maybe it’s a secret mission that includes your favorite cafe. Maybe… A big criminal goes there and needs to be taken down. I won’t know unless I…. Talk to him….’

Audrey took a deep breath and answered.

“Hello…?”

“You sure hung up on me fast. Did you have something else to do?”

Awkward…..

“Um… yeah…. Totally….”

“For a hero, you’re awful at lying.”

‘Fuck……….’

“So about Waning Crescent.”

“Oh yeah… pretty neat place… is there something important about it?”

Audrey asked one of the important questions that came to mind.

“Do you know the employees there personally?”

That made her even more nervous. Was one of the employees suspected of being a criminal? They didn’t think one of em could be one.

“Well personally I wouldn’t say I knew them on a “personal” level but they are nice to talk to, even Mistin who works at the front, they’re pretty easy to talk to-“

“Mistin? How long have you talk to them for? How did it became easy?”

“Huh…?….”

“HUH?!”

“Agh! Don’t yell into the phone Sp- Audrey…”

“Well if you’re interested in a person I talk to on the regular, of course I’m gonna be fucking shocked! Why are you even so interest- wait…. Ray… are you…”

“Shit-“

“You like them don’t you?”

“No.”

“Liar!”

“Hey I’m not a-“

“Seriously do you think I’ll go tell on you to Hershel if I do?”

A pause comes over the phone on Audrey’s end. She sighs as she pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance.

“How were you my boss?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ray you’re the top hero of the country with multiple abilities, for fuck sake you’ve managed to bring down the criminal rate when you arrived. You really think I’d have the guts to go tell on you’re ass?”

“…..”

“God you’re more likely to think you’re inferior to a rock if possible.”

“I take offense to that…. But… you really wouldn’t tell the organization?”

“What would I be able to do? Have them threaten an innocent person? That’s not exactly hero behavior. I’m a hero not a monster.”

Somehow Audrey felt like something had changed a bit in the situation.

“So you wouldn’t say a word?”

“How many times do you got to hear me until you get it through your thick skull?”

Audrey suddenly heard a soft chuckle, surprising her a bit. She’s never heard him laugh before.

“This is actually a first. Better not have lied to me, or I might as well hunt you down.”

“Uh huh. Now you’re interested in Mist huh?”

“You’re on a nickname basis?”

“Listen!”

“If you wanna woo them over you have to talk to them, I believe you already talked to them today, didn’t you?”

Silence

“Ray..?”

“I…. Well… kinda of….”

Audrey couldn’t help but grown in annoyance, he acts as if he hasn’t dated anyone before. Does she have to go over basic steps to talk to a crush??? Surely he’s loved someone before!!??

This is gonna be a long call….

——————————————————————————

When Ray had the free time to go in to the cafe Waning Crescent, Audrey managed to get off work and meet up with him in time. Audrey prepared for many scenarios and was confident he could woo them over.

“So! You’re going in there and talking to them! You got that?”

“It’s that simple?”

“Ray I know for a fact you’re messing with me.”

“No shit.”

“First drop that, second establishing a relationship between two people is important, so that means no running away! Try starting a simple conversation.”

“You really thought I ran away?”

“Did you at least have a conversation other than you’re order of coffee?”

“….”

“Exactly!”

Audrey began pushing him towards the cafe.

“You got this! Be sure to put yourself out there!”

With that she pushed him inside. Ray glaring back and her, Audrey behind the glass showing him a thumbs up in support.

After awhile Audrey didn’t see any progress or Ray talking with Mistin, she wonders if Mistin wasn’t working today, that was until Mistin comes out with a bus tub, Ray notices them. Audrey texts him on her phone.

“Go for it!”

Ray, didn’t even look at him phone, instead he started to walk towards Mistin, Audrey was ecstatic, that was until they noticed the they saw Mistin practically getting startled by Ray because Mistin was wearing ear buds…..

Well…… at least one thing was checked off, starting an actual conversation between the two. Audrey couldn’t help but smile. Therefore she gone after and went home, even texting Ray a “Good luck at work lover boy!”

Audrey smiled knowing today was a success, and expected Ray to be leaving them alone after this.

Little did they know… they’d be signing themselves up for something more than just helping establish a relationship with a crush.

To be continued!

If you want to check of which moment I mentioned in the story, this is where you can check it out!

Thank you for reading! And if given criticism! I’ll take it to better the character in the future!

[b0mblover]

a gods confusion

(/1)

by: J

(help this is just about lopt plates and jirou being grossed out by it)

6 in the morning, not much was on the docket, the only reason jirou was up at this time anyways was because he had online classes, well just one, who decided to host a class about sewing at 6 am anyways? more importantly why would jirou join. winter classes were always hardest, it was too cold to get out of bed and everyone takes the evening classes more than in the summer, but just one class at 6 am wasnt the end of the world. it spanned for an hour, giving a ten minute break in the middle, some people worked on what they were taught, or used the bathroom or got something to eat. jirou prefered to use the bathroom and continue whatever he was working on, to not lose focus. 6:35, he came out of the bathroom, he noticed that lopt was chewing on something that had a… less than pleasant sound. Not wanting to miss class for the 5th time already, he mentally made a note to ask lopt. thankfully, the last 20 minutes went mostly smooth, since it was only the beginning of the semester, it was just mostly about how to get your ideas onto paper and whatnot. Jirou, as much as he wishes he wouldve, didnt pay much attention, his grades were mostly fine, granted a few c’s and d’s in math but over all a’s and b’s so he didnt hwve to worru about grades that much, jusy missing classes. He walked out of his room to see lopt watching some news station called “fox news”. he was aware that was an american “news” station, how the hell did they get that in japan? “hey” “oh youre done with your class already? what do you want me to tuck you back into bed?” lopt replied, with a vague british accent, lopt isnt british. “i, wha, no, i meant to ask you something” he said, vaguely confused. “which would be..?” “what the hell were you eating earlier, it sounded disgusting” “huh? what do you mean, oh those white disc thingys?” he sounded as if he were actually confused as to what jirou said. “Uh, i guess? i thought we didnt have much food.. and i know mostly what we keep.” “oh, do you not know the name either?” “i mean no? i guess not??” jirou had literally no fucking idea as to what lopt was talking about “here hold on ill show you” “um alright?” lopt walked over to the kitchen cabinets before skimming over tiny labels at the bottom, they were in braille, how was he even reading them by looking? 

(note, braille because 1. noriko has shit eyesite and its funny to imagine that she basically is blind 2. i have a parasite in my brain that makes me include some part of my life)

he landed on one, the third from the oven. opened it, grabbed whatever the hell he was speaking of and walked back to jirou. “see this!” “lopt.. please dont tell me you were eating that” “huh i was why?” lopt spoke at a rather quick pace, which is just wonderful for someone with auditory processing disorder. (sarcasm) “i, lopt, those are plates, why the hell” “oh, plates huh? they taste bland honestly, maybe they need to be heated up?” he thought to himself aloud “i uh no? lopt youre not supposed to eat those? how do you not know that..” “what do ya mean? ive heard the word but ive never seen one, must be some new day thing” he muttered the last part to himself. “lopt, what i know you know what a plate is, yknow.. a dish? bowl? salver? platter??” “Oh a salver! oh thats what this is wait what why does it look so weird?” “i what? lopt thats how plates have always looked?” “nah what no, salvers dont look like this at all!” “i, i mean maybe not? i why am i still awake, im gonna go sleep goodnight” jirou groaned and walked to his room alone. Lopt, still questioning if he really ate a “salver” decided to look for his phone, of course he had no idea where he put it, for being a god, he was awfully forgetful. 

[whsprings]

attention seeking gets a bad rep. there is nothing wrong with attention seeking and the "correct" response should not be to ignore it. i mean, reaching out for help is a form of seeking attention. it is literally saying "please pay attention to this. i need you." lots of people are prevented from recovery because their eating disorder has an element of attention seeking (like wanting to look sicker than others or have others be worried about your weight or get a specific diagnosis is seeking a specific type of attention) but it's so taboo that people can't bear to even admit it. it can be harmful and isn't always a sustainable way to get your needs met, but therapists who react to it like it's a gross thing to be ignored are just making things worse for everyone. if i were your therapist, i would have said "that's a lot less than your meal plan. it seems like you're trying to show me that you're struggling right now. i see why you included exchanges, but i'm more concerned with how you're feeling and what i can do to help. can we talk more about what your thoughts and feelings around food have been like next session? please reach out to [dietician], if you haven't already, since the physical impact of this is outside my expertise. i believe you can make it through this."

"i guess the point of that ask is. yeah, what you sent was a ploy for attention, because you were hurting and you needed the person who you literally pay to help with that to notice you were in pain. why is that bad? because you have an eating disorder and have had the treatment bullshit of "worsening eating disorder means less exchanges, prove you are sick by less exchanges" and because you have low self esteem and a lot of shame, you felt the need to prove it was "really" getting bad again that you weren't being dramatic. why would she ignore that just to rebuke you for asking for help in the wrong way, instead of pointing out what i just pointed out in a non judgmental way? how would that make you feel anything but invalidated and shamed? sorry but this is making my blood boil for you. i've seen this attitude on many therapists before and it's the most condescending paternalistic evil bullshit"

ugh yes thank you!! a response like that would have been so appreciated at the time instead of getting a lecture. I have been working a lot with my dietitian to unlearn a lot of the stuff I've picked up in various treatment places over the years like "I shouldn't purge because I am not supposed to" vs "I shouldn't purge because I find it unpleasant and it has the potential of causing me harm."

also this brings up the fact that when you're diagnosed with bpd or bpd tendencies literally everything you do is labeled as attention seeking or fake or dramatic etc etc. I have had to deal with it essentially because of my demographic (young woman who has struggled with self harm, suicidality, and attachment issues) but am not diagnosed (unless you count my idiot of a psychiatrist) and getting people to listen to you is made way too fucking difficult.

[bitchlessdino]

and they were roommates pt.2

A svt.hub collab

Pairing: camboy!chan x afab roommate!reader

Genre: smut

Word count: 2.2k

tags: pet name (kitten), oral, 34 +35, dirty talk, mentions of sex tape

Summary: Wanting sex is a natural feeling, it just so happens that gratification could be found in the next room with a shitty webcam and an infectious laugh.

author note: thank you @chogiwapadada for helping me proofread this thing and thank you guys for the endless support. the fact that this was on the top page for the seventeen tag is insane and y'all made such a big deal of this and therefore i thank you guys so much. but josh if you see this, no you don't go away, please. i am always constantly overwhelmed by the support and hopefully you guys enjoy this one too!

tag list: @sapphichui @librarian-stacks @dontflailmenow @gyuldaengie @minniemole @greysdarling @romromthedeer @yoondae @dinosbestie

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

You may be wondering, what happened that night when Chan fapped to the thought of you in front of a live audience, not forgetting to invite you when he’s made a mess of himself. Did you really take up his offer, stormed out of your room, and had the most mind-blowing sex with your roommate you ever had?

Of course, you fucking didn’t, are you kidding?

What you actually did was finish off independently in your own rooms and did not speak another word to each other for the rest of the night.

You were awkward roommates at the end of the day and who knows what kind of shit would happen if you decided to pursue these escapades any further. No matter how hot and incredible Chan/Dino looked naked, there was no way you’d potentially ruin your convenient living agreements with your roommate who obviously makes enough money for the both of you (a lot of thanks to you I guess). So, what was the tactical decision after learning your roommate is a popular and successful sex worker?

Act as if nothing happened. What live show? What’s Dino? What even is Svthub? You don’t masturbate, that’s icky.

Yeah, you’re having a hard time believing that too. But what else were you supposed to do?

You could hardly look Chan in the eye the next day. Fortunately, he paid you almost no mind being that it was his weekend too. However, last night’s show was not as easily forgettable for you as it was for him. You could still picture the momentum and force that took hold of his body that managed to power his personal gratification, killing every functional cell of your entire being. His smile was already so pretty on a normal basis but how it twists desperately when he gets closer and closer, and his whines get louder and bolder, you could just cum then and there.

It fucking drove you insane he was just sitting there on the couch, laughing at cartoons as if nothing happened. It, in fact, confused you, even more, making you consider whether last night was even a dream because of how contradicting Chan and Dino really were, but it’s him. That laugh is his, that smile is his, that body is his, and that semi-hard cock poking at his gray sweatpants was definitely his. How were you so stupid that you didn’t notice sooner?

You press your lips in a firm line when you notice him turn his head at you, urging you to swallow the built up drool in your mouth.

“You wanna go grocery shopping today,” he asks, “I think I remember there was a sale for something I’ve been needing for a while.”

Like he needs to participate in any sales from the income he grew overnight.

“We went shopping last week,” you pointed out.

He nods agreeingly, “yeah, but I think we can afford it. I kinda got a huge bonus.”

Yeah, because Chan’s horny roommate couldn’t control themselves.

“Sure. Just let me get my bag.”

He claps his hands in rejoice and waits for you on the couch. When you’re both ready, Chan grabs the house keys and you’re the first one to head to the front door. Turning the knob, you swing the door open and at your feet was a package labeled to your roommate. You curiously pick it up from the ground, “Hey, Chan—”

“Uh, that’s mine,” he snatches it, nervously chuckling, sticking it in a vacant spot on your shared bookshelf.

You narrow your eyes at him as he pushes you out of the apartment and locks the door behind you both. “What was that?”

He shakes his head dismissively, flicking his hand in feigning lack of care. “Just treated myself. Got here earlier than I expected.”

Next day shipping, hmm?

You don’t question it and let Chan lead the way to the local market to grab whatever was missing from your pantry. You push the cart as Chan fills its insides gleefully, walking around like a kid in a toy store. The scene before made you almost forget the persona that clouded your mind, especially as he grows indecisive picking between chips options. You felt a little normal about your situation again.

It was then you found smth you had been looking for. A sugar free coffee syrup collection that you’ve been dying to try and has been sold out for months; it was finally available. The problem was the shelf it was on. Higher than you admit you could reach. You stretch your toes out towards the box, desperately holding on to the whimsical domestic fantasy of flavored coffee, not even getting close to touching the box.

You then feel a presence behind you, his chest grazing your back just enough to feel the noticeable progress he’s made at the gym, and a blackberry scent that hits your nose so delightfully. You didn’t fight the urge to turn around, and you faced Chan as easily hid your body from plain sight, grabbing what you meant to retrieve.

Blinking back cautiously towards him, you see the glimpse of his alluring presence from last nice, but instead you see the full picture. He looks back at you with a taunt, his eyes weighing down to give you a playful condescending grin. In your head, you imagined him teasing you like he would his audience, calling you his little toy or kitten, but instead he says, “Here you go, little one.”

You scoff, snatching the box away from him. “I could have easily gotten it myself.”

He doesn’t move from his stance and instead rests a hand on a shelf mere centimeters from your head. He narrows bedroom eyes down at you and a smile on his face that makes thousands of people climax simultaneously. Your breath hitches as he shifts his stance, where you tighten your grip on the collection box in reassurance.

“I’m sure you think that.” He responds slyly.

You huff in disbelief, pushing past him and towards the cart, grumbling to yourself something about an annoying loser. Chan, within earshot, chuckles to himself, following behind you. Hands besides either of yours on the cart handle, he walks behind you with your back to his chest, essentially embracing you.

You feel the pitter patter of your heart as he whispers in your ear, “anything else I grab from high shelves for ya?”

You roll your eyes and elbow him instinctively, the man holds his gut, absorbing the blow of his consequences. “Please, you’re 5’7. How much help can you actually be?”

“5’8 actually! And I'm a great help!”

When you get back to your apartment, you share the abundance of grocery bags with Chan. You unlock the front door and close it behind both you and Chan. Your gaze lingers at the package left on the book shelf as you pack away the food.

“Not to pry, but what is that package anyway?”

He waves his hands dismissively, “not much, just something I’ve been wanting.”

A fleshlight? A cock ring? Or maybe, a silicone torso?

“Really, you sure seem indifferent for something you’ve been wanting,” you pointed out.

“And you’re really nosy for someone that didn’t want to pry.” He shuts the cabinet, annoyance emitting from his tone.

You feel awful about pestering him but the curiosity was killing you. You continue to light heartedly bring it up every little chance you get. To which, your roommate tries to change the subject or ignore you completely in hopes you forget. Unfortunately for him, you had no off switch.

“Ok, fine, y/n. You really want to know?”

You slightly falter. “…Sure.”

Chan takes out the keys out of his pockets and uses it to shred the box. He flips the box, one cardboard flap at a time, and reveals the excessive packing. He pulls it apart teasingly slow, offering you a slight glare, and your eyes finally land on what was inside. You peer at it confused, pursing your lips before announcing out loud, almost to come to terms with what’s inside.

“A dinosaur onesie?”

“Yeah. Are you happy? You excited yourself for one comfy piece of sleepwear,” he shrugs, underlyingly relieved.

You shake your head, “you spent your bonus on a onesie?”

“What I do in my down time is my business.”

He storms off with his new favorite form of comfort and closes his bedroom door behind him. Your body boiled over with shame, thinking to yourself how selfish and invasive you were being. What, you think because your roommate masturbates to the thought of you once during a web show means you could get in his face?

You facepalm yourself and reluctantly approach his door, a limp knock resonating off the cheap wood. “Chan, I'm sorry. I don’t know why I’m being like this, but that’s no excuse.”

Silence lingers.

“Look it’s not lame to have a onesie okay, I just thought there might be something else in that box? I don’t know, but don’t be mad at me…”

You’re basically talking to a brick wall, or in your case, a wooden door.

“I won’t bother you anymore, okay. I understand there’s some lines that were drawn and I breached one of them…Whenever you want to talk again, let me know. It’s my turn to make dinner anyway. I have to have your input if you’ll complain again.”

You unlatch yourself from the door frame and timidly walk off to your room. Hai door creaks open behind you and your head to see Chan’s head peek out. A guilty expression all over his face and a dry tongue, hesitant to bare out his thoughts. “I did something…bad. Weird even.”

Hesitation is apparent in your response, wondering if he was finally going to admit that secret of his. “okay.”

“I’m not trying to be closed off—”

“You’re not,” you interrupt, “I’m just being annoying.”

“No. No…Well—okay, a little, but maybe I feel that was because of what I did.”

“What did you do, Chan?”

“Don’t make me say it,” he whines.

“It’s okay, you can say it out loud,” you reassure him, “I will not judge.”

“I…may have a little bit too much of your body wash.”

“…huh?”

He steps out from the door. “I know how that kind of stuff does without saying, but it just smells so nice. But luckily I did grab some when we’re out, and you didn't notice, so I couldn’t handle the guilt any longer. So projected on you, got angry with you. I’m sorry.”

You blink back at him, unsure of how to respond. This certainly wasn’t something you expected to come out of your mouth and you wonder why he thought it’d be something to ponder over with your feelings in mind. “How cheap do you think I am?”

He shakes his head. “It’s not that I think that I just…thought you should know the truth.”

“It’s fine, Chan. God, I thought you were going to talk about something serious. Is that all?” You egg on.

“…yeah.” He goes behind the door and isolates himself in his room.

You couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit bothered that it was all he had to say to you. Was he really that unaffected by what happened?

You let out a huff of frustration. You couldn’t take it anymore. You had to masturbate to some random hot guy on the internet. That bad guy had to be Chan. And Chan had to masturbate to you, with you, in front of thousands of other horny people to see. However, did he seem to care? Seems unlikely.

Your fist slams his door repeatedly, desiring the closure that should stop eating you up from inside, demanding him to “admit it” and while internally feeling embarrassed that you dropped the ball so quickly. You were a horny mess.

“You have more to explain to me Lee Chan!”

That goes on for a good minute until the door swings open and the man inside pulls you by the wrist disrupting his peace. You press against him, chest to chest, his eyes narrowing at you in frustration, while you look at him like a child about to receive punishment.

“Instead of waiting for me to say something, why don’t you just ask?” He suggests with a sinister tone under his breath.

Adrenaline courses through your veins, your legs grow weak from his tense presence, and you no longer have the urge to speak. Chan’s hand places on the side of your hip, pulls you up from slipping to the floor, and his expression softens. “Are you that bothered by my job?”

Your eyes fluttered rapidly in anticipation “Y-you knew?”

“It took some thinking,” he chuckles and stops to stabilize you back on the ground, keeping his distance, “are you grossed out by me?”

You became still as a lamp post, jumping between the thought of denying everything or putting it all out in the open. He was into you, you were definitely into him, there shouldn’t be a problem.

“I found you by accident. I didn’t mean to invade a private space of yours…When I found out, it was too late at that point.”

“I see. I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable,” he scratches the back of his head with an uncomfortable grin, “I figured I’d be caught sooner or later. Just didn’t think I’d be so soon.”

“Look, you have a job you enjoy. I’m not going to take that away from you, Chan. It honestly doesn’t bother me. It probably pays more than that receptionist gig.”

“Right…So, how much have you seen?”

You sigh, approaching the cushion of his bed and making yourself home on the sheets. “More than I like to admit, especially to the star. Ha ha.”

Chan snickers, finally relaxing to see how aloof you become, and takes the spot next to you in bed. “I have time.”

You explain to him that in the past few days you’ve been in a sexual rut: not wanting do go out and meet other people, not wanting to go on apps, not wanting to make an effort, but still desperately craved sexual attention. That’s when you found Dino. Dino was alluring to you in a way that made you feel comfortable, yet wanted. Dino had a cheesy way with words, but nonetheless, he had a way with them. He feels inclusive and intimate, making you feel immersed in every recording posted on his site. He was talented in ways you could imagine with the last sexual partners you have and gave you the ultimate goal in the end every single time.

“I’m so flattered…and kinda exposed.”

You laugh quietly to yourself and pat him on the back. “You’re really good at it. I was impressed to say the least.”

“I’m assuming you caught last night's show too?”

Your cheeks began to pink. “Uh, yeah, that show.”

“I just want to say I don’t normally do that. It was a one time thing and I just…I got caught up. I’m sorry.”

“D-don’t be, I was really surprised, but pleasantly,” you let out a nervous chuckle, “but I really didn’t think I had that effect on you.”

“Maybe just a little,” he admits with a shy smile, “And I even invited you. It’s stupid. If I knew you were watching—”

“I didn’t come over because it was a live show, not because I didn’t want to…do that with you.”

His eyes lit up. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Chan fiddles with his fingers before resting it close to yours, your pinkies making skin contact. “So, you wanted to?”

You shrug, having a hard time meeting his eyes as you glowed like a fresh tomato. “I don’t know, maybe, kind of…I didn’t want to start something that could ruin what we have, you know?”

“Right,” he nods, “I get that. The last thing us roommates need is a complicated situation.”

“Exactly. It felt only right to not do anything.”

Chan piques in wonder, readjusting himself in the mattress to lean forward in your direction. “Is it though?”

You scoff, glancing at him briefly. “Of course it is…isn’t it?”

His gaze drifts off towards your lips, flickering back to your eyes. A smile that resembles a Cheshire cat forms on his face, effectively luring you without any words. If he did ever decide to show his face, his income would multiply by ten folds. There was no way someone would be able to ignore a face like that. His lips begin to part, and you follow the shapes they make until your brain processes them into words.

“Do you really think that way?”

You let out light gasp, also surprised by how similarly his tone shifts into Dino and once again you’re hypnotized by his mere presence, making you think he could make you do almost anything.

“Don’t you?”

He shakes his head confidently, a soft giggle escapes his lips. “You’re so cute.”

You clear your throat. “Am I?”

“Yeah,” his body turns completely to sit up parallel to you, “You don’t know how much I’m trying to control myself right now.”

“Then don’t,” you respond curtly, “I can handle myself.”

He nods. “I’ll take your word for it.”

His lips fit around yours in an instant. He moves with assertion. You were completely under his spell, unwaveringly in his possession. His hand moves to cup your face, his tongue finding easy entry after biting down on your bottom lips. The top of his nose tickles yours and you find yourself grasping his sides. Your legs pull up from the floor and anchor on his sheets. Chan’s free arm moves to take hold of your waist, forcing you chest to chest.

He parts from your lips reluctantly. He stares back at your half open eyes as if waiting for you to tell him to stop. When you’re the one to lean in and match his rhythm from moments before, he’s the one to give in to you. He melts into you until you’re one. You collapse underneath him and he strokes your hair so sweetly. How he kisses is between a starved man and a long time lover; comforting but exciting all at once.

His hand trails beneath your shirt, shivers running up your spine. You feel his smile against your lips as he hums to himself gleefully. “You’re so pretty underneath me, Kitten.”

“You figured that out too?” You laughed nervously.

“I had a feeling. Is that what you like being called? Kitten?”

You caught your lower lip between your teeth. “Not really, but I don’t mind it when you say it.

“Really,” he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, nuzzling his nose against yours, “that makes me happy to hear.”

His lips fall against your cheeks in peppery kisses then down your jaw, biting and sucking against the untouched skin until it glowed red and purple. His hand at the same time lands on your thigh, massaging your skin. Smoothly, his hands in a cupping shape drags two fingers over your clothed cunt, chuckling darkly into your skin as you gasp. “Fuck Chan.”

He pushes himself up and makes home underneath your pants, achingly closer to the arousal that soaked your underwear. A thin layer of it spreads on the pads on his fingers, pushing them in with the layer of underwear in between. Your abdomen tenses up, but that’s how you knew he did it right. At the same time, his hand traces your jaw before prying it open your lips with his fingers. You let them slip inside your mouth with ease, quick to close around his digits, to which Chan let them pump inside your mouth. He grips your jaw with the rest of his hand, emulating you being full in both ends.

“You like that? You like it when I put my fingers in your mouth?”

You bob your head to nod, feeling his fingers plunge harder into your core as a reward. You moan loudly around the fingers in your mouth, and feel him drag his crotch over your thigh, getting himself off. You are overwhelmed to say the least but not unsatisfied. “You look like you’d do anything I want, am I right about that kitten?”

You nod again, subtle squirming at the height of your excitement.

“Then why don’t you make yourself comfortable and sit on my face for me, hmm? And you can return the favor for me if you like.”

He pulls away from you to give you space. He undresses himself from his plain white tee down to his sweatpants and soon after you follow suit. You ogle at the appearance of his sweat glistening torso, able to trace every deep toned structure by memory, and then match the level of his cock, pointing plainly in your direction, almost screaming at you to touch it.

“Is kitten getting distracted? You need some help undressing?”

He chuckles at your speechless state and comes to your aid. He lifts your shirt from your body, his confidence faltering at your beautiful flushed skin underneath as he looks at you in amazement. His hand glides your slide, thumbing over your erect nipples to see then get harder he squeezed. Pulling away from the trance, he smiles before lowering down and pulling off your pants and underwear, unveiling a glistening beauty that was your cunt. He could feel his mouth watering already.

“I want to eat you out so bad,” he says breathlessly.

Your blood pumping at his words, making you pull Chan flat on the bed. He lays sprawled out with a smile, he beckons you with a simple gesture, and before you know it, you lower yourself over his mouth, tempted by the cock that stood tall in front of you. You feel him kiss along your inner thigh, mouthing at your folds, until that while his smile engorges on your entrance. His thumbs spread you apart and feel your heart flutter at his pace. He had yet to use his tongue but skills did all the talking. You grab hold of his strong, reliable thighs and flatten your body on his.

You hold his shaft for the first time and laugh nervously. “Wow, I’m seeing it in person.”

“I hope I can exceed your expectations,” he chuckles into your heat.

First you take in the shape with your eyes, pristine and perfect just like on screen, then your mouth. You fit half of it inside the best you could, all while drowning to the sound of Chan’s wet love making to your soaked pussy, and bob face down on his length. You lube him with your saliva, transparent ribbons stretching as you pull away. Your hand cups his balls, kneading them like dough, adjusting to his size all too naturally.

While Chan had a delicious time, he grew increasingly aware how better you were at this than he imagined. This only encourages him more, his arms loop around your legs, pulling your body toward him roughly. He flicks his tongue in sharp licks and occasionally switches to devouring its inside like a gourmet meal. His nose buried deep into you, rubbing against the bud of your clit, playful pants leaving his lips.

“Mmh, Chan. Like that please…” you plead.

His nails dig into the flesh of your ass, licking fats and harsh stripes before letting you close up around his tongue. He explores you like he would a venture, ambrosia on his taste buds. On the other hand, you feel the need to catch up. You swallowed his girth, pushing it in deeper, and grind up on Chan’s face. When you reach his base, his hips come to aid, thrusting into your mouth with no remorse. You stabilize yourself on his stomach and let him hit the back of your throat senselessly. Your eyes roll to the back of your skull, vibrating around him from your moans, tears start to swell up in your eyes.

Your muffled voice would echo from the walls, bouncing off every surface, before you came in his mouth, twitching enough that he forces you down on him. He drove you insane with what could do, driving you to pull your mouth off him to gasp for air, it all became too much, but not unwelcome. “P-please cum in my mouth, Chan. I want it so bad.”

Chan lets his mouth rest for a moment, takes the opportunity to take in oxygen and leaves you a last order before he dives back in. “Then put it back in your mouth for me, kitten.”

You do as you're told and force it down your throat, letting it hit far back in your uvula with your thrust until he pours inside you. Your eyes snap shut. You close the opening of your mouth to not let a single drop go to waste. Your cheeks inflate from lack of capacity and you're forced to swallow down what you’ve reined in. You fall to your side on the bed and Chan manages to pull himself up to lock eyes. A sweaty disheveled mess, Chan smiles in bliss seeing how fucked out you’ve become just for him. His fingers land on your lips and gently pull them apart to see your clean work. You stick your tongue plainly out in response, smiling just as bright as he was.

“Tired already?” He teases.

“Maybe, just...how do you do it? For hours on end too?”

“I just know what I’m doing, kitten. Don’t worry about the next round, I’ll do all the work,” he crawls on top of you, smoothing your frayed hair, “and while we’re at it, I can turn a camera on and we can have a little something to ourselves.”

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

I See You

Fandom: Dardevil

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Plus Size! Fem Identifying! Reader

Writer: @writings-of-a-hufflepuff​​ aka @hufflepuffing-all-day-long​

Rating: E - 18+ Only - Smut

Warnings: Smut, religious overtones, grinding, dry humping, choking/hand around throat kink, body insecurities, lots of pet names (good girl, sweetheart), slightly possessive Matt at the end? 

Summary: Your relationship with Matthew is...complicated. You’re together, but not officially. You start to wonder why he even bothers when you don’t look like the women he’s been with in the past. You worry that if he could see you, he’d have never chosen you. Matt has a different definition of sight.

Notes: This wasn’t supposed to be smut, butttttt here ya’go. 

Also before people go ‘why do people always write insecure plus size readers?? I’m not insecure!’. I’m fat, i’m a fat writer, okay and I want to explore some of my personal unresolved insecurities and have some reassurance back. No matter how confident I am, there are still things I use writing to work through. Don’t like it, look at the warnings and don’t read it. I’m too old for you to try to police what’s written, if you want something else then go write it for yourself. 

“What’s wrong?” He can hear the way you shift on his couch at the question, the way your heart rabbits, faster and faster, how your breath seems shaky, unhappy, like you might cry at any minute. Matt can hear your teeth as they scrape across your lip, the swipe of your tongue across a tooth, an anxious habit of yours. He knows you, maybe better than you know yourself, something’s off. Something is wrong.

“Nothing’s wrong, Matt…” He’s watching you, in the only way Matt can, gaze turned in your direction, eyes unseeing, yet he seems to notice everything. You’re not fine. You know you're not, but it's…it's silly, nothing he should have to be burdened with. Not when he spends his days worrying over the law firm and trying to find new clients. He’s got enough on his plate with Karen’s case, let alone you. 

“Please don’t lie to me, sweetheart.”  He can hear your heart going a mile a minute, can hear you biting at your nails, an anxious habit of yours that you’ve been trying very hard to break the entire time he’s known you. 

Your relationship with Matt is complicated. Friends first and then…and then after years of watching him pick up different women in college, charming them with just a smile, after all that, finally he seemed to notice you as more than just a friend. You hadn’t put a label on it yet, hadn’t said a word to Foggy, but neither of you were seeing other people. You spent more time at his than at your own. You slept in his arms most nights and saw him every day of the week. Friends didn’t kiss and friends certainly didn’t tumble into bed together time after time or iron the other’s suits or run them a bath when they were hurting. Friends didn’t buy each other flowers or leave hickeys on the other’s neck.

“It’s silly, Matt…it’s not something you should have to worry about. It’s okay.” It’s so stupid, so juvenile. Not something you really want to discuss with your not quite, not really a boyfriend, boyfriend who’s a lawyer and so bloody adult and mature. Who’s been with so many wonderful women before you. Who can probably do better than you…

You watch him bridge the distance between the two of you, how he knows his apartment effortlessly, navigates around the coffee table with ease before standing just in front of you. Your hands come up to stop him just short, so he doesn’t trip over your feet and Matt grabs them, uses them to pull you up and bring you close. Chest to chest, feet toe to toe. His hands are so warm, yours feel icy cold, the tips always are. 

“It’s not silly if it’s you. I want to know what’s wrong, so maybe I can…maybe I can help.” He squeezes your hands tight, three times, a ritual of his these days, “Talk to me.” Matt loves you, he knows he does. He’s liked you for years, the friend he always found too lovely, too kind, too gentle, too funny, too tempting. He’d made an effort to keep the feelings at bay, to resist that pull he had towards you, for years, too worried to lose you entirely…he wishes he’d not wasted the time, but he did and now…now he needs you to understand that you matter to him. That he’s not here for a quick fuck that goes absolutely nowhere. He’s done and that’s not what he wants from you. He wants to hear what you have to say, to ease your troubles. He wants it all.

There’s a long silence that falls between you, except it’s not really silent at all. Your heart is still pounding in his ears, your breathing still shaky and nervous. Matt rubs the back of your hands with his thumbs, rhythmic, back and forth in a way he knows is calming for you. Can hear how your heart gets a little slower, a little quieter as he does it. He’s patient. He can wait for you to tell him. 

“I can’t…I can’t help but think about all the…all the women before me.” All the women you’ve seen Matt flirt with over the years. All the women he’s charmed, taken into his bed and kicked out the next morning, or brought back to his bed time and time again. No matter how much it hurts. They were all…they were beautiful. Pretty. Tall. Slim. Model types. The sort you think should be on the cover of a magazine or acting in a movie with their perfect silky hair and their gleaming eyes and…you’re not. 

You’ve worked hard over the years to grow more confident and you're frustrated at yourself for thinking it, for doubting that he likes you, that you’re pretty enough, when he’s given you no reason to doubt him. When he tells you you’re beautiful and holds you close. When he’s stopped flirting with others and focused his attention solely on you. You shouldn’t doubt him, but maybe you doubt yourself. 

Matthew stays quiet, knowing his interruptions won’t help. He needs to hear it all, to understand before he tries to say anything. He wants to interrupt though, to get in first and tell you they don’t matter, not like you matter. That you’ve got him wrapped so tightly around your little finger, there’s likely to be no circulation there, no blood at the tip anymore. 

“Foggy…Foggy..” You love Foggy but he always talks, and talks and talks and he…he doesn’t realise that you and Matt are anything more than friends. So he makes those jokes still, when they have a pretty client or there’s a beautiful woman around. The jokes about how Matt’s probably going to charm his way into their skirts and…he never made those jokes about you… “He’s always making those jokes about how…how you always seem to pick up the hot women, the pretty ones even though you can’t see them and I…I know it’s silly, but…I…”

Matt presses forward, forehead pressing against your own, the tip of his nose pressing into your cheek, “You?”. He knows where this is going. He can’t see you. He can’t tell you how beautiful you are, not convincingly because how would he know? He’s never seen your face or your body, not with his own two eyes. 

“I’m not a model, Mattie. I’m not tall or slim or leggy like Karen, I don’t have my shit together half the time and I don’t always wear the nicest clothes and my hair isn’t shiny and flawless. I’m fat and I’m a little clumsy and I have this one spot on my chin that won’t go away. I…I don’t know why you picked me because if you could see me…” You take a shuddering breath and he has to close his eyes because it hurts. It hurts deep in his chest, what you're saying because he knows where it’s going and because the self-doubt, the negativity is painful to hear from someone he loves so much.

“If you could see me I worry that you wouldn’t have looked at me twice…and I worry that this isn’t serious for you, that…that i’m just the next thing on the list.” He’s not your boyfriend, but it feels like he is and every time Foggy reminds you that Matt goes through women like he changes shirts…it makes you question why he’s even entertaining you and how serious he even is about it. When he reminds you of the type of women Matt usually picks up, you look at yourself in the mirror and pick yourself apart. You're the biggest woman he’s ever been with and you wonder why you? Why not someone else?

“I can see you.” When he opens his eyes they’re glistening with tears to match your own, “Not with my eyes, but I can see you. I know the shape of you from my hands,” He presses them to your cheeks, finger tips roaming over your skin brushing away your tears and following your features, mapping them out to himself. The softness of your cheeks, that pudge underneath your chin, how your cheeks dimple when you smile wide, the width and tilt of your nose. The slight scar you have from running into a table corner at the age of two. 

“I know how you feel underneath me, wrapped around me. How your body dips and curves.” His hands trail down your neck, over your sides to your waist, press against the dips and rolls of your torso, “I know your stomach jiggles when you laugh, how your thighs press around me when we’re in bed.” He follows the curve of your stomach, and the width of your thighs. You’re breathless, unable to do much but watch and listen as he catalogues each part of you that he can’t see but still knows in depth. 

“I know the warmth of you wrapped around my cock when we fuck and the taste of you on my tongue.” He tugs you closer by the hips, his thigh slotting between your own, pressing against your cunt through layers of fabric. Matt presses his lips to the shell of your ear as if someone might overhear, even when he can barely hear himself, the sound of your heart beating so loudly in his ears that it feels like his own.

“I know how flushed and warm you get when I call you sweetheart and how you twist away from me when you're about to cum.” His hands stay at your hips and they rock you, back and forth, back and forth, urging you to grind against his leg like this is some perverse prayer to you. Maybe it is? Or maybe Matt doesn’t know another way to make you realise he desires every bit of you, that he hasn’t settled.

“Mattie..” You’re breathless and unsure and so confused and warmed all at once. His words are sweet and dirty and terrible, but wonderful. You feel seen, but find yourself zoning in and out of his words as he presses against your cunt and encourages you to grind back. The muscles in his thigh flex and tense as his voice grows deeper, grittier, a growl in the back of his throat. 

“I know the sound of your voice, when it's sad, happy, angry or hoarse from screaming my name. I know when you’ve been crying and when you’re starting to get sick because your voice cracks just the tiniest amount. I know you bite your nails when you’re anxious and that you constantly play with your hair. I know your toes curl when I call you a good girl and that you can’t help but dig your nails into my back…” Something you’re doing in that exact moment, your hands had found their way to the back of his t-shirt, nails digging into him like you might fall otherwise, anchoring yourself, as your clit catches on the fabric between the two of you and your whole body burns with the feeling of him.

“Matthew…Wh…” A warm, large hand wraps around your throat, it’s so gentle despite it’s placement. Just a little squeeze, just to the sides of your throat, enough to make your blood sing and your centre throb. It’s a moment of realisation. That he knows you, that he can pull and pick you apart and no amount of sight changes that. That he doesn’t need to see you to know you’re fat. To know you’re beautiful to him. To know who you are. 

Matthew's breath is warm across your lips as he stops to press a kiss to your mouth, he tastes like his particular brand of bitter coffee, and toothpaste. Teeth nipping at your bottom lip before he forces himself away with a groan at the feel of your cunt dampening the clothes between the two of you. Slick and hot and he wants to be the only one to ever touch you like this again for the rest of your life. To pledge himself to you. 

“I know the sound of your heartbeat, I can hear it wherever I go. I can pick yours out of a line-up, individual, unique, you. The same way I could pick your perfume out of a thousand others. I know you. I see you and what I see…” You can’t breathe, head tilted back by his hand, as his other rocks your hips against his leg firm and steady. You can barely focus on his words, that coil in your stomach so tight, as tight as your eyes are closed. The warmth between your thighs burning, broiling, blinding. You’re certain Matt is the only thing keeping you upright as you jerk against him thoughtlessly, seeking the orgasm you know he can always draw out of you. Like you’re his favourite instrument to play.  

“What I see I love. If I had my sight I'd still pick you. I’d still love you. Jesus…Sometimes I wish I could see because I know that I'd cherish every second of that image, burn it into my mind forever. You're my girl. You're my good girl and no one can ever compare to you.” The hand on your throat tightens, a buzzing loud in your ear as you gasp against his touch, your hips jerking suddenly at the sensation. 

“Matt…” God, he loves your whine, deep in the back of your throat like you can’t help yourself, can’t cope with all the feelings inside you. 

“I’ve got you, cum for me, sweetheart. C’mon, I know you can do it, just.” He grits his teeth and his hand slips inside your panties, deft fingers finding your clit from memory. “A little.” You try to writhe away from him at the feeling, too sensitive too much, but Matt keeps you close, fingers circling, pressing. “Bit.” Your nails dig deeper into his back, a small price to pay for the sound of your moan and the slick wetness against his fingers. “More.” The hand on your throat tightens as he twists your clit one last time, your body going boneless melting against him as you cum.

His name sounds like a song when you do, the way you toss your head back underneath his hand and gasp it to the empty air of his apartment like some sort of psalm. He works you through it, fingers careful of the sensitivity between your legs, before lowering you back onto his couch and joining you.

Matt wraps himself around you, your plush softness a balm to his soul as he presses kisses to your throat. 

You try to reach back for his cock, to relieve him of the hardness between his legs but he just takes your hand in his own, “This is about you, not me.” He lets you catch your breath again, lets you relax into him and find some semblance of sanity.

“I love you, sweetheart. Maybe, I've not been clear enough. But, I love you and I want you to be mine and only mine, for as long as you’ll have me. I see you and I think you’re the most breathtaking woman I've ever known.”

“Does this…does this mean…” You don’t want to say the words, to get your hopes up, even after he’s said the biggest three of them all. Even after he’s made it quite clear his interest is more than fleeting.

Matt can’t help but chuckle at you, hand tilting your chin to the side so you can see his face, even if he can’t see yours. His cheeks are flushed red, his grin endearing as it shows off his dimples and adds warmth to his brown eyes, “Be my girlfriend?”

“Really?”

“Be my girlfriend?” He repeats himself. More serious than he’s ever been as his thumb brushes the soft apple of your cheek. He knows he’s had a reputation in the past, relationships not really his thing but…but he wants this, wants you. 

“Yeah, of course, yes!” His nose brushes against yours, nuzzling into you, grinning wide. His fingers find the corners of your mouth and trace your own smile, the way it matches his, blinding and brilliant. Your heart is still fast, but it’s different, not the fast pace of an anxious beat, but giddy to match your grin. 

“I’ll have a word with Foggy…but I do see you. In my own way and I love everything I see, even when you yell at me for losing my cane.” 

“I don’t know how you lose so many of them…” You swear you need a separate budget just for the amount you have to replace them, you’re not sure where they end up, but they’re never found again. 

“I’m forgetful?”

“Mmm, sure you are Murdock.” You brush a kiss to his cheek, stubble scratching against your lips and Matt can’t help but lean in, press towards you like a sunflower that’s finally found daylight.  “Do you love me?”

It’s a question that makes you realise you never said back. That you’d left him without an answer for such strong feelings, but it’s an easy answer to conjure up, rolling off your tongue without a single thought or hesitation. 

“Yeah, I love you…why else would I iron your shirts? You know I hate ironing.”

You watch as Matt throws his head back and laughs, a deep rumble in his chest and you know he means it when he says he loves you, that you’re it for him.

[toothfa-1-ry]

THEY'RE THE PERSON OF MY DREAMS, BUT WAS I EVER EVEN A PART OF THEIRS? - Na Jaemin

Jaemin loved you. He was utterly inlove with you, heads over heels inlove with you. He was willing to live for you, to die for you, he was willing to do anything you wanted him to do. So why couldn't you even spare him a small place in your heart? Even when his entire heart only consist of you?

GENRE: Angst, toxic relationship

PAIRING: Non Idol Na Jaemin x toxic reader (gender not specified)

FEAT: Jaemin's bestfriend Jeno

WARNING: toxic relationship, manipulative reader, toxic reader, reader is a major asshole to Jaemin, suggestive themes, swear words

A/N: By NO MEANS am I glorifying or romanticising toxic relationships at all by this fic, rather I'm trying to show how much a toxic relationship can affect someone. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship or know someone who is in a toxic relationship please don't hesitate to get some help and talk to someone. Your worth more than those assholes who don't deserve you, your worth more that half assed apolagies.

Jaemin stares at your lips,

He's been staring at your lips for some while as his own fingers lightly glide over his own lips unaware that your silently observing him.

He wonders how it would feel, your lips against his. Those soft beautiful lips he dreamt of everynight he laid in his bed, he wonders if you ever dream of his own lips like he does to yours.

It's not like you guys haven't kissed before, because you guys have kissed eachother many times before. Sometimes in the alley behind the club you always force him to go with you, or sometimes in the middle of the night in his room whenever your feeling a type of way.

But Jaemin wants to kiss you properly, not those half drunk half sober makeouts you have with him. Not those kisses which only leave him feeling empty and broken

Actually, to be really honest,

All Jaemin really wanted was for your to actually kiss him. To kiss him like you liked him, to kiss him the way he always kissed you. He wanted you to kiss him and also feel the butterflies he felt, for your heart to also race as you kiss him. For you to feel all the things he feels whenever the both of you kiss.

At a certain point, Jaemin wonders what he is to you. The both of you never put a label to your relationship. All Jaemin knew was one day you would start ignore him. Maybe you'll ignore him for days, maybe for weeks and then suddenly your there on top of him, kissing him like there's no tomorrow as the both of you lay on his bed.

He liked you too much to stop you, fuck he was inlove with you. But were you inlove with him? Did you even like him? Did you even think of Jaemin the slightest bit of the the way Jaemin thought of you? Or did Jaemin only come to your mind when you felt the need of someone's company?

"what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Jaemin's thoughts are interrupted by your voice, your finally looking at him instead of your glowing mobile screen

"no- no it's nothing" Jaemin stammered. He always felt nervous around you, maybe even a little scared. Afraid that one small mistake, and you'll get angry. One wrong move and you'll turn cold and distant.

"huh? What's up with you? You wanna makeout or something?" You smirk, your fingers still busy on your phone

"what- I. No I mean- I don't know"

"what's that suppose to mean?"

Shit shit shit

"do you not like hanging out with me? Is that what your tryna say here Na?" You ask him, your eyebrows knit together

Jaemin feels like running away, he feels like begging for your forgiveness but he's frozen. The weird feeling he always had whenever he was around you only growing even more

"is that what your saying? I'm so boring that you can't even think of something to talk with me about?"

Jaemin's mouth runs dry as the words come out of your tongue. He blinks once, twice, thrice unable to say anything, to do anything. All he wants is for you to not be angry at him, to not scold him. All he wants is for you to love him or atleast pretend to even if it's just for a second or two

"i- that's not what I meant.. I-" Jaemin's words are cut short by your scoff, he watches as you roll your eyes in annoyance

"i- i- i- what Jaemin? Spit it out. Your being so annoying these days. Honestly I'm getting tired of you"

All the words in Jaemin's head vanishes, he feels the pool of water forming in his eyes, the lump in his throat as he struggles to think of something to say. He always ends up feeling this way with you and he hates it. He hates it so much. But what can he do? When your the one he loves so much? The one his heart aches for, the one his heart yearns for

You seem to notice Jaemin's teary eyes and the slight shaking in his body. Jaemin hears you sigh.

"Jaemin-ah seriously? Your getting upset over this? Agh this is so irritating do you understand?" Jaemin can hear that your getting even more annoyed but he can't do anything, he's afraid to do anything

"y/n I'm sorry- I'm so sorry" the words come out as a sob "I like being with you, I just- fuck I like you so much. That's all" Jaemin chokes out as he fumbles on his words, his head looking down afraid to make eye contact with you, afraid of your reaction

He's ready to hear you scold him more, maybe even threaten to leave him. Hes ready for you to go away and leave him alone for a few weeks before you come back as if nothing happens. He already hears you getting up from his bed, he doesn't want you to leave, he doesn't want to be left alone.

Jaemin probably knows that this isn't the best time to say it, he's unsure how you'd react to it, if you'd get even more angry at him but right now he's willing to say anything for you to stay

"it's just that- I love you"

There, he said it. Jaemin said the L word, he said the L word to you. A memory of him telling his bestfriend Jeno that he loved you comes to his mind. The way Jeno reacted, the way they disapproved, the way they tried to tell him that he didn't love you but he couldn't care any less, not when looked at him like that

"you- you love me?" You ask, your hand on the handle of Jaemin's door and the other hand holding your phone

"I do- I love you. I love you so much y/n"

You look at Jaemin in a unexplainable way. Your face a mixture of shock and another emotion he couldn't exactly pin point

"Na Jaemin what the hell are you saying? what the hell do you think your sayin-"

"please y/n. Please just say that you love me back. Say tht you atleast like me back y/n" Jaemin pleads, he hears the tone of his voice and for a split second he couldn't help but wonder how Jeno would react to hearing him like this

"just say it, that you like me. Even if it's only a little bit, that's all I need. Say that I have a place in your heart. Even if its only a small place I don't care-" Jaemin's eyes looked at yours "just say that you care for me"

You don't say anything for a moment and neither does he. The both of you just stay there unmoving. Jaemin remains where he is, holding his breath even, afraid that one small movement will drive you further away from him

"Jaemin-"

"y/n? I really-"

"Jaemin you fucking crazy- your fucking insane. You can't be serious right now"

Jaemin watches you, his eyes widened, mind racing, heart beating ever so fast. He watches as your face contorts into anger and disgust as you look at him in complete dislike and discontempt as if he carried a deadly disease you didn't want to catch.

"don't fucking play stupid games with me Na. I dont have time for you or the bullshit your playing with me right now- I'm leaving, for good- don't fucking call me you stupid fuck" you slam the door behind you and quickly walk out of his apartment leaving Jaemin alll alone

You leave a broken Jaemin behind, a crumbling Jaemin whose entire room began to fill up with his sobs as he began to wonder if you ever even thought of the idea of liking him, probably not.

He hates himself for thinking that you could like him, for thinking that there was something in between the both of you that the both of you mutually shared.

"you stupid fuck Na Jaemin" he tells himself as he cries himself to sleep, the bed feeling as cold as it ever did, even when you slept in it with him.

-

It's going to be a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a few months later when Jaemin would receive a message from you again. He'd completely ignore everything that happened before, all the things you said before and go out to meet you. Craving your touch even more, your affection even more

By this point he knows something is wrong and whatever he has with you isn't healthy, it isn't even safe but he can't stop himself, especially not when you call him in the middle of the night begging him to talk to you. Not when you whisper those sweet words in his ear which he knows you don't mean.

It would take a year or two, maybe even 4 years, maybe even 6 but one day Jaemin would let you go, actually let you go.

And one day Jaemin would find the love he has been giving others, he'll find the same love he always gave you. One day someone will love him like how he loved you.

But this is the future we're talking about, not the present.

For now, Jaemin is going to lie down next to you as you fill his head with pretty lies, he's going to hold you in his arms as you kiss his face with empty kisses, as you break his heart. For now Jaemin is going to continue wishing that you'll learn to love him, that maybe one day you'll love him. That maybe you do love him, you just don't know it yet

For now, he's going to let you continue breaking his heart again and again until there are no pieces left to give you. Until the cracks fill his heart up that there's no space left for you in it.

For now he's going to pretend he has a place in your heart, even when he was never even there in the first place

[bad-luck-clover]

SPOILERS FOR STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 VOL. 2

Okay I haven’t posted in forever but but I was literally crying this morning over the Stranger Things Finale before I even watched it so here are my two cents:

Why the fuck is the message of season 4 “don’t be honest about who you are or what you’re struggling with or it’ll hurt/kill you no matter what you do?” Because that’s the point this finale seemed to make.

Will started to open up to Mike about his feelings, albeit in a very indirect way, and that just resulted in Mike pursuing El even further. And even after all of that Mike and El still aren’t actually talking and Will has still been demoted from main character and plot catalyst to the sad gay side character that’s sometimes a monster detector??? So I guess Will just has to continue hiding who he is while he watches his sister and friend/crush continue their codependent and ultimately stagnant relationship and he’s once again being tossed aside in favor of a character that was supposed to die season 1. I mean I love El, but come on, they’re treating Will like he’s completely irrelevant now.

Max started coming to terms with her trauma and mental health, started opening up to her friends finally and was rekindling her relationship with Lucas. She was obviously hurting after Billy died and it was even mentioned that she was suicidal, but she fought to stay alive and get back to her friends who she loves. It was such an obvious metaphor of battling mental illness and Max’s character arc in the first part of the season was so amazing to watch. But no, apparently it doesn’t matter if you fight through the struggles of mental illness and seek help from your support group, the trauma monster is just gonna torture and literally break you anyway, sorry.

And Lucas, despite finally standing up to Jason after trying so hard to fit in and be part of his group, got beat up and then watch the girl he clearly loves be mutilated right in front of him and then put into a coma.

I mean even Robin, who’s still understandably deep in the closet, started to open up a tiiiiiiny bit and had hope for her potential relationship with Vickie and then immediately saw her kissing a guy. But the second she gives up on that and steps a bit further back in the closet? Oh, Vickie broke up with him, thanks for not coming out Robin, you get a cookie.

And Eddie. I do not understand how they could kill the one character who was always 100% unapologetically himself the entire time we saw him. He was labeled a freak and later a psychotic devil-worshipping murderer and yet he never changed who he was to please anyone or even lashed out at the people who wanted to hurt him. Not to mention he’s queer-coded as hell and I seriously doubt that was unintentional. I mean if you’re writing a period show and you do research about 80s culture and especially subcultures and outcasted groups for Eddie specifically, why would you give his character a black bandana in his back pocket if you’re not trying to imply that he’s queer? He was always true to who he was, he protected the kids who reminded him of himself when they were lost and being picked on. He was nice to everyone as long as they weren’t an asshole and he ultimately fought to save his friends and all the people who hated him. And what did he get? He got brutally, painfully killed while the entire town still believed he was a monster and no one besides Dustin and his uncle, not even the other people he fought with in the upside down, mourned or even acknowledged him.

It’s so infuriating that Max and Will (and Robin and Lucas to a lesser extent) suffered and were hurt because they were beginning to open up. But Eddie has always been open and nothing was going to make him start pretending to be someone else so he just straight up died. The one person who was always honest and never lied about who he was and they killed him for shock value. Like am I just reading into this too much or does that literally send a message of “if you start to open up you’ll get hurt. And don’t even try to fully be your true self, because look what’ll happen”

And yeah, sometimes life is cruel and you get hurt unjustly for just being who you are. But this is a fictional tv show where children fight off monsters. A show who’s main audience are the very outcasts they’re now sidelining and killing off in favor of more conventionally “typical” characters. I relate to Will, Robin, Max, and Eddie the most out of all these characters and now I’m being made to watch them suffer for all the reasons I relate to them so much.

Mike and El are still in a pretty unhealthy and unbalanced relationship and they’re fine. Jonathan and Nancy are still lying to each other and refusing to communicate and they’re fine. Steve, as much as I love him, is still pining after Nancy without actually directly talking to her (which, sidenote, is just a huge disservice to his otherwise fantastic character arc imo) and yeah he’s hurting seeing her with Jonathan again but he’s ultimately fine. The only people who really suffered are the only ones who have stopped lying about who they are or what they’re struggling with or who never did so in the first place.

How can you write the line “Forced conformity, that’s what’s killing the kids. That’s the real monster” and then punish the handful of characters who are trying to break away from that conformity? Why the hell, in a show that used to be all about outcasts forming relationships and fighting monsters against all the odds not in spite of being different, but because they’re different, are those very characters being hurt and punished for not being like everyone else?

Like, I’m just so fed up and tired. This show is legitimately ruined for me now, and it’s not because a character I liked died or the ship I was rooting for didn’t happen. It’s because I look at these characters I relate to being tormented and hurt for being queer or neurodivergent or having trauma, things that I experience/struggle with myself, and the message I hear is “What you are is wrong and bad things will happen to you because of it. You deserve to hurt because of what you are and you will never be safe or happy.” And that fucking kills me, especially since this was a show I loved so much just yesterday and now I can’t even stand to watch it.

[glystenangel]

Come home, I miss you

Nanami x Afab!Reader Oneshot

tags/warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, phone sex, praise kink, voice kink, slight dom/sub, dirty talk and swearing, unsafe driving practices hinted at (don’t do this irl), established relationship vibes but I didn’t put a label on it lol (((((nanami gives me big fiancé energy tho boyfriend seems too juvenile for him)))))

summary: Nanami’s working late, so you give him a call

~1.1k 

“You know, when I hear your voice, I can’t help but want to do things to you. Keep talking.”

You bite back a smile as silence fills the other side of the line.

Nanami’s pause finally ends when he sighs, “How am I supposed to keep working if you say that?”

Tonight he's working late and you had initially called just to check when he would be coming home, but the deep hum of his voice in your ear is giving you other ideas.

“I don’t know, how are you supposed to keep working?”

Another sigh, “I have to finish this. Be good.”

The soft command in his tired voice only makes you want him more, and you’re sure he is doing it on purpose. You hadn’t heard the shuffling of papers or his pen scribbling down calculations in minutes. Nanami knows exactly how easily he turns you on, though you’re fairly certain he’s no better than you are. He was probably already hard from what you said, imagining you waiting for him with your back arched against the edge of the couch and wantonly pressing your hips into your fingertips.

You were actually doing just that, tugging down your pants and massaging the damp arousal building between your thighs, “You can go faster if you like.”

“Now you’re just teasing me.” He gripes, voice low and making a shiver go up your spine. Rustles of fabric come through the phone as he leans back in his seat to palm a hand over the tented cloth of his suit pants. Your heart swells at picturing the blond man with stern features ignoring his work just for you.

“I’m sorry, was that mean of me?” There’s a coy whine in your voice, and you lean harder into the pads of your fingers swiping at your slippery folds.

“Yes, especially since I know you’re touching yourself.” You can hear the strain in his voice, how irritation and want are clenched in his jaw.

“I would never try to distract you like that.” You effortlessly insert a couple of digits into your slick pussy, holding back a gasp at the heady sensation.

Nanami’s cadence is laced with a slight pant, “Liar. How does it feel?”

You can make out the subdued sounds of him starting to stroke his cock, the squeak of his chair and his breaths forming a consistent pattern.

“R-really good.” You confess, beginning to fuck yourself in earnest. You tuck the phone between your ear and shoulder, using your remaining hand to eagerly play with your perked tits.

“Hm, being honest now?” He’s breathing harder now, and you love the grit of his voice as he gets more worked up from listening to the wet sounds of your deprived pussy.

“I like to be good for you.” You concede, letting out an involuntary mewl when you hear him curse under his breath.

“You always are. Always feel so good. I can never get enough.” 

“Really?”

At this point, you want to kiss him so badly that you feel like you’re going to go crazy.

“Yes, the absolute fucking best. What are you doing now?” He asks, and you almost forget to answer him, too distracted from visualizing him feverishly pumping at his cock.

“Two fingers.” You quickly say, fastening your pace.

“That’s cute, you know that’s not enough.” He scolds, and you readily insert another finger at his words. However, it’s still not enough, even as your pussy greedily squeezes around them.

“Nanami, I can’t- need your dick.” You plead, “I’ve been thinking about you all day. I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” He instantly replies, groaning at your desperation.

“Come home, please.”

“I’m almost done. Besides, aren’t you doing a good job all by yourself?” A throaty chuckle weaves itself into his speech.

You smirk, slowing to slap your fingers against your dripping entrance, “Are you?"

“Fuck.” He nearly growls and you notice his rhythm is thrown off from your taunt.

You begin circling your clit with fervor, bouncing against the couch cushions, “Admit it, you’d rather be here with me, warming your cock in my pussy. Isn’t that right Nanami?”

You know you’ve made him snap when his voice comes out eerily calm, firm, and filled with insatiable rage, “As soon as I get home, I’m going to fuck you stupid.”

You slide your fingers back into your dribbling pussy, breathlessly fucking yourself with renewed vigor, “Mhm?”

“Can’t wait to feel you soaking my cock and whining in my ear.” He almost chokes on the words, and your stomach flutters at the crude noises as he furiously fists at his cock.

“Nanami please-” You whimper, plunging your fingers deeper and drenching them in your excitement.

He interrupts you with impatience, “And you’re going to take it, exactly like you should. Like you deserve. Aren’t you?”

“I deserve it. I’ll take it.” You can already feel him pounding into you, pressing you down and stuffing you so tight that you lose the ability to speak or think.

“Yeah? Are you going to be good for me?” He rasps.

“Fuck-hah, Nanami-” You’re deliriously rutting into your fingers now, eyes rolling back.

“Answer me.”

“I’m good. I’ll be good.” You promise, feeling your inner thighs begin to shake.

“You’re close aren’t you?” He grunts, and you can tell he’s done holding back as well.

“Yes!” You wail, tears brimming in your eyes.

“Come for me, want you nice and wet when I come home.”

You can hardly reply, too lost in his rich voice and the intense urge to cum.

Nanami’s mutters wash over you as you reach your limit, “Shit, I can hear everything.” 

“Nanami, I’m coming! I’m-”

“Me too, oh fuck-”

You cry out incoherently as the ecstasy shoots through your body, Nanami’s moans and your unrestrained whimpers passing through the phone until your respective orgasms fade away.

You wince as you pull out trembling fingers, your release staining the fabric beneath you, “Nanami?”

The noticeable effort it takes to steady his breaths isn’t lost on you, “Hm? You made a mess of yourself didn’t you?”

You stay silent and stretch your fingers out, watching the cum glisten in threads before leisurely running your tongue over the milky fluid.

Nanami can’t seem to take the almost imperceptible sounds of you licking at your cum, “Hold on, I’m coming home. stay right there.”

The crinkle of papers as he packs and the clink of his keys brings your attention back to him.

“Are you really coming?”

“I’m in the car now.” He reassures you, and a grin stretches across your lips.

“Nanami?”

The rush of his tires and turn signal clicks echo in your ear as he huffs out a response, “Yes?”

“Do you think you can make me cum one more time before you get here?”

________________

End Notes:

oY OY NANAMI OY OY OY OY~ everyone’s favorite Businessman™ and one of mine😮‍💨🤌💞💞 had him and phone sex on the brain lately, sooooo ya

hope you enjoyed! thanks for reading<3

[gingersnaaps]

too much of a good thing

he's so sweet, so kind, so dumb - is bokuto really capable of anything besides the best intentions?

wc: ~2.7k

tags/tw's(PLEASE READ): explicit n*fw, dubcon sex to noncon creampie, manipulation, lovebombing and then neglect, overstimulation, cunnilingus, fingering, penetration, a lil angst, timeskip!bokuto, fem!reader with inner genitals

i don’t want minors interacting with my content

Being subtle was never really Bokuto’s thing, not even in the beginning.

In some ways, you suppose that you’re lucky - that you’re better off than your friends who you would always hear complaining, muttering about boys who didn't like to commit, didn’t like labels, who didn’t like texting first or buying gifts or putting in any effort at all.

Barely a week into your relationship, you come home from work with your head dizzy and feet aching from exhaustion, and discover a dozen bouquets of roses on your doorstep. Crimson petals are littered everywhere, strewn against the grey concrete of the steps, and although you feel your neck and face heating up with embarrassment at the grand gesture, you can’t suppress the smile that tugs at the corner of your lips.

He really was so sweet. Who cares if he wasn’t exactly shy about expressing it?

None of the other guys you’ve dated before had sent you good morning texts quite like his, filled with exclamation points and emojis, and none of them had tried nearly as hard as Bokuto does with his breathy, eager i love you’s, his frequent hugs whenever he gets the chance to see you, or even his phone calls that come twice, three times, even four times in the middle of the day.

But the more days that pass by, the more intense it gets.

He picks you up after work all the time, cupping your face in his hands, eyes gleaming almost unnaturally bright. “I love you,” he’ll whisper. “You’re so wonderful, baby. You’re perfect. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”

You can’t help but think that these are the sort of words that come months into a relationship, if not years, but… there’s nothing really wrong with what he’s doing, is there? There’s no reason you should be uneasy, no indication of even the slightest hint of trouble on his part.

You’re probably just paranoid.

Bokuto doesn’t stop at words, though - he earns a good sum of money from his job playing professional volleyball, and he’s never hesitant to use it on you. A week after he leaves you the roses, he asks you out on a date to a restaurant you know is ridiculously expensive, and the uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach grows as you scroll through pictures of the establishment on Google Images.

“I don’t think I can afford it, Bo,” you tell him, voice hesitant and crackly over the phone. “If we go, I won’t be able to pay my share.”

“So?”

It’s just a word, but the implication isn’t lost on you. And if he’s fine with paying for you, if he’s okay with the hundreds of dollars you’ll be owing him, well - there’s no good reason to turn him down, right?

During the date, you talk with him as you spoon bites of delicate food into your mouth. The restaurant is too lavish, the plush velvet carpeting and crystal chandeliers almost a parody of luxury. You’re pretty sure the utensils are half the price of your rent.

He leans over in the middle of the meal, expression suddenly serious. “You’re enjoying this, right?” he asks.

“I am. I’m kinda lucky, aren’t I? Being spoiled like this.”

“Yeah,” he replies, his grin so bright it could rival the sun. “You really are.”

And suddenly - just for a moment - you catch a glimpse of something slightly off about his whole expression, as if it was a mask waiting to be ripped off to reveal something much, much different underneath, but the fleeting moment is gone so quickly you convince yourself that it’s just your eyes playing tricks on you.

Bokuto has been nothing if not perfect, after all. If you’re uneasy, it’s probably just because you aren’t used to being treated like this, aren’t used to someone that lavishes you with constant gifts and praise and displays of affection like he does. On the way back in the taxi, he whispers everything he loves about you softly in your ear, his arm snaking around your waist as his thumb rubs tender circles into your skin. His body is pressed so close to yours, his breath gently tickling your ear, warmth radiating out from his firm, muscled body.

He’s so good to you.

-

It doesn’t last forever.

Bokuto’s affection dries up slowly, but his presence has been such a constant in your life that it’s impossible for you not to notice.

Some mornings, you find yourself waking up to a hollow feeling in your chest as you check your message notifications and find nothing - no late night rants, no funny pictures, no enthusiastic, joyful good morning texts. During the day, the silence now stretches on for hours too long, uncomfortably empty and devoid of the persistent calls that you used to get every single hour.

When he does see you, he’s remarkably reserved - eyes always downcast, fingers fidgeting incessantly, clearly disinterested in what you’re doing, what you’re saying - in fact, disinterested in all of you.

Maybe he’s just busy with volleyball, you rationalize, but your stomach churns with anxiety and deep down, you know that something’s changed.

You try and ignore the dull ache inside of you that seems to follow you around wherever you go, a little voice inside your head constantly reminding you of what Bokuto used to do. Two months ago, he would’ve picked you up. He would’ve sent you flowers today. He would’ve taken you out to eat.

It builds up slowly and steadily, a crescendo of pain that grows in volume the longer he’s gone, like a tidal wave of confusion and hurt that swirls around inside you - until one day, you’re sitting by yourself in the car, sobbing quietly in the cramped darkness.

At least he doesn’t turn you away when you show up on his doorstep.

Your eyes are rimmed with red, streaks of eye makeup running down your face as a frown twists at his features. “Please, Bo,” you whisper. “Let me make it up to you.”

And you’re not exactly sure what you did, but you want to fix it, want him back in your life, want to wake up to his smiles and his laughter and his incessant, boundless energy, and you know you’re willing to do anything to get that back.

“Really?” he asks, eyes glimmering faintly with hope.

You nod almost imperceptibly, about to reply yes, yes, want you back so bad, when he grabs your waist with his hands and pulls you in for a kiss so passionate it borders on harsh. It’s a whirlwind of teeth and tongue, a mix of sucking and licking and biting that leaves you gasping for breath, your red lips swollen and slick with spit.

He pulls you inside, his hands roaming all over your body, groping and squeezing at your supple flesh, goosebumps running down your spine as he brings a hand up to brush against your nipple. For the first time in weeks, you see excitement on his face, and his voice trembles as he leans close in. “Let me take care of you,” he says. “Wanna make you feel good.”

And even though there’s apprehension crawling under your skin at his sudden mood swing, you’re so, so glad this version of Bokuto is back that you brush off that hesitation, the mixture of happiness and anticipation overwhelming every single thought in your mind.

As his fingertips graze the soft skin of your torso, his hands - so much larger than yours - maneuver your body around with such ease and grace that you barely notice when you end up on his couch, legs spread wide open as he looks up from between your thighs hungrily. “I - fuck, I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he says, out of breath, eyes running over the swollen outline of your cunt.

You whimper softly as his nose brushes up against your clit, his piercing, golden eyes still gazing intently up at you.

He doesn’t waste any of his time teasing you, his flat of his tongue sliding up along your slit with the perfect amount of pressure to leave you squirming. It’s almost as if he knows exactly where to lick and suck, eagerly pressing his tongue up against your clit in insistent circles, lapping at your dripping pussy until your juices are running down his chin. He’s so eager in between your legs, and everytime he finds a spot that makes your legs tremble needily, he gives it so much attention that you already start to feel that wave of pleasure building in your core.

“Don’t stop,” you pant, your hands sliding into his hair as your hips thrust upwards. “Please.”

Bokuto doesn’t need you to tell him that. Shouldn’t have wasted your breath, he thinks idly, diving in and eating you out with renewed vigor.

When his tongue glides around your spasming cunt and dips in briefly, you can’t stop the moan that tumbles from your lips. His tongue is so stupidly long and flexible, sliding inside and licking at your sensitive walls, curling up and brushing against your g-spot until you start to shudder and tremble under him.

You cum embarrassingly quick, your hips jerking and stuttering wildly as he finishes you off. He fucks you through your orgasm, sucking gently at your clit until the border between pain and pleasure starts to blur and you’re moaning so loudly he thinks the neighbors will have complaints for him the next morning.

“Feel good, baby?” he asks, voice sending vibrations through your pussy.

“Yeah,” you mumble.

“How about another?”

Your eyes widen. “W-what?”

“I think you can handle it, right?” a huge grin splits his face as he spreads your pussy apart with two fingers, looking at your swollen, spent cunt. He barely gives your chance to respond before he trails his fingers against your lips, fingers teasing in and out of your slick entrance.

This time, Bokuto uses his hands to stretch you out, inserting his digits one by one until three of his thick, long fingers are nestled inside of your pussy. He thrusts them languidly in and out, his fingertips caressing your nerves until you’re tense and wound up for him again.

“Come on,” he encourages. “You can take it.”

Your brain is hazy from the stimulation, barely registering anything but pleasure as his fingers search and probe like they have some sort of job to do. You feel damp with heat and moisture, the pulsing, burning need in between your legs insistent and demanding.

“Almost there,” he breathes, voice raspy with arousal. A fourth finger brushes up against your lips, and the thought of more stretch, more stimulation, more pleasure, has you clenching desperately against the ones that your cunt is already spread out on.

You sob, your body strung out and wrecked, suspended on the tipping point of another orgasm.

As you cum again, the feeling of relief - white-hot and blinding - rips along your core. You’re not sure you’ve experienced anything quite so intense before, and as you look down at him, hands still manipulating your cunt so expertly, you don’t know if he has the intention of stopping anytime soon.

He stands up and your eyes drift to his cock, flushed purple and almost painfully hard, dripping with precum. His hand strokes along his shaft, soft curses muttered under his breath, but he opens them wide again and looks down at you sadly. “I’m so sorry,” he says, voice pleading. “I don’t have any condoms.”

Bokuto sounds so genuine, his tone kind and filled with regret, and guilt begins to sting at your conscience. He’s made you feel so fucking good, given you the best orgasms of your life - is it really fair if you leave him wanting and unsatisfied?

You’re fucked halfway out of your mind when you answer, eyes still fixated on his cock, head swimming with thoughts of how much you want to please him.

“It’s fine,” you say, your words slurred and hesitant. “You can.. you can use me. Use my pussy to get you off. Jus’ pull out at the end.”

Ecstasy flashes across his face, and he looks down eagerly. “Fuck, babe. You’re so perfect. I love you.”

You hadn’t heard those words for weeks.

His strong arms pick you up easily, maneuvering you around until he’s the one sitting on the couch and your cunt is positioned right over his dick. His hands grip tightly at your waist, fingertips pressing so insistently that you’re sure you’ll wake up the next morning with bruises dotting your skin. He lowers you down slowly, carefully, groaning as he fills you up and the warmth of your cunt envelopes him whole.

He already looked big, just from the cursory glance you’d taken earlier, but as you feel the tip of his cock shove against your cervix, your breath almost catches at how you feel your walls expanding to accommodate all of him.

The drag of his curved cock up against your sensitive walls leaves your legs trembling and squirming, but he holds you firmly down as he thrusts up inside over and over. “Stay still,” he coos. “Let me take care of you.”

Bokuto starts off gently, fucking you with shallow little thrusts that have you panting with desperation. He can tell by the way your cunt is fluttering that you're craving more, that the two orgasms he gave you earlier just wasn’t enough for a greedy girl like you, and he relishes the way your small hands grip desperately at his shirt.

He raises you up off his cock, running the tip up and down your slit until your pussy throbs, and slams you back down again. The rhythm he maintains is steady and even, bouncing you up and down on his cock like a ragdoll, whispering stuttered curses and phrases of endearment against your ear, making you shiver from the overload of stimuli.

“Feels so amazing,” he moans. “Gonna.. Gonna cum soon.”

The heat in your core grows intense at the thought of his orgasm, involuntarily whining, and you start to rock your hips back and forth in an attempt to search out more friction.

Bokuto knows he promised to pull out. He knows that it wouldn’t be right if he stayed buried inside your cunt. But how is he supposed to stop himself when you feel this good, wrapped so obediently around him like a perfect little fuck doll? And the heat of your cunt is gripping incredibly tight all around his length, your little squirms and shivers so adorable as he uses you to get himself off.

He can’t help himself.

With one last, desperate thrust, he lets go, thick spurts of cum filling you up until he’s sure your insides are dripping white, and he caresses your stomach where your womb would be in satisfaction. It feels so good to cum inside of a tight cunt, much better than it would’ve if he’d forced himself to pull out, he thinks. And you look so pretty all full and leaking with his seed.

It takes you a moment to fully register the warm, wet feeling pooling inside you, your brain too fucked out, too stupid from the constant stimulation to truly understand what exactly dripping from your slit is.

When you do realize - oh god, he came inside me - panic starts to grip at the edges of your frayed nerves, your vision tunneling as the magnitude of what had just happened hits you. Tears start to blur the world around you, the dim lighting of his living room merging the furniture and warping the walls, and you faintly register the feeling of arms wrapped tight around you, a hand reaching up to caress soothingly at your cheek.

“You know,” Bokuto whispers, face lit up in wonder. “I think we’re soulmates.”

[enthusiasticharry]

Lonely this Christmas

summary: you and Harry broke up earlier in the year, but at Columbia’s Christmas party you see each other again, and you both realise just how much you miss each other

author's note: ahhhh i don’t think i've ever been so excited to post one of my works as i am this one and i hope you all enjoy my baby. the reader in this is musician!yn and i have so many other ideas for the little story line, so if you'd like to hear them, please let me know!

word count: 11k of baso angst, really fluffy fluff and some of the best smut I think i’ve ever written. there’s deepthroating... face-sitting... really just the whole shebang. 

masterlist    |   please speak to me about LTC here! 

You truly believed that Christmas was the best time of the year. 

You loved everything about the festive time of year. From decorating the house, to listening to the music. From spending time with your family, to cosying up on the sofa and watching Christmas films. It was a special time of year, where everyone seemed to relax and walk around with joyous looks on their faces because no matter the year they’d have, it was nearly over and it’s finally time to celebrate the best aspects of the time that had passed. 

You found yourself thankful for the year, but also thankful that it was over. This year had been one of the best, but also one of the worst years of your life. The thing that caused the year to not be the best that it could was the split you had with your long-term boyfriend. It was messy, and absolutely heartbreaking on your side and because it was such a big part of the year, it became one of the memories that you wished to ignore but you found yourself struggling too. On a brighter side, you had won your first Brit award this year for Best New Artist. It was a turning point in your career, for certain. 

One thing that you’ve never enjoyed about Christmas is parties. You would much rather stay within the walls of your own house and spend your evenings alone, but being in the industry that you are it becomes a little harder. The Columbia Christmas Party happen’s every year, but this was you first year signed to the Record Label, so the first year you had been invited. You were shocked to be invited, but found yourself to be excited and dreading the experience all at once. 

The thing that you found yourself thinking and worrying about the most was what you were going to wear. You wanted to impress everyone there, since you had found this new stardom for yourself and you had created this name for yourself which you hadn’t had before. After consulting with your stylist, you settled on a custom Gucci dress that was made for you to wear specifically to this event. The dress itself was a Christmas-green velvet material, which landed to about your mid-thigh with a square neckline. Attached to the square straps of the neckline, were tulle sleeves of the same colour that bunched at your wrists. It hugged your curves perfectly and once you’d added your black scrappy heels you really felt beautiful. Your natural features are accentuated, and you, for the first time in a long time, feel beautiful within your own skin. 

That all changed the second you walked into the party. 

You felt as though all eyes were on you, as though everyone was watching every step that you took to see what you’d do. It made you feel uncomfortable and immediately feel as though the dress you are wearing wasn’t right, it was too short and you needed to cover up. You were maybe 98% certain that they weren’t thinking about what you were wearing, but more so who you’ve just clocked eyes with. 

You knew he was going to be here, and you had prepared yourself for the inevitable, but seeing him stood there completely changed everything that you had prepared for. You both were signed to the same record label, years after the two of you had met though, so it was no surprise that he was sat at one of the tables with a group of people around him as he spoke and laughed at what they were all taking about.

You tried to ignore the pinch within your heart, but it was hard. You weren’t the one who broke it off, and if things had gone according to your plan, you would still be together right now. 

You had met Harry a few years ago, when you had first moved to London and you were bar and pub hopping, singing and hoping that you’d somehow stumble upon someone who could help you start your career. It was completely by accident that you both had met, and looking back at it quite embarrassing on your part. You were in the middle of your set when he walked in, as well as Mitch and Sarah, but you hadn’t seen them at that point. You had recently learnt how to play Sign of the Times on the piano and you had purposely brought your small keyboard out with you so you could play the song. Looking back on it, you probably wouldn’t have sung the song if you did know that he was there, but you didn’t know so you sung it. It was a little shaky at the start due to your nerves about playing the song for the first time out of the comfort of your room but you quickly found your groove, and you finished strong. Harry had later told you that, after a little bit of teasing from Mitch and Sarah, he knew that from how in awe he was of you he just had to speak to you. He walked up to you whilst you were in the middle of throwing your celebratory shot back that you always take after finishing your set and the first thing you ever said to him was, “Fuck!” 

You always thought that would be a story you’d be able to tell your grandchildren, and you both had even spoken about it, but it just hadn’t worked out. 

He seemed okay, which you were happy about. His new album had just come out, and you don’t think you’ve ever cried at a record as you did at that one. You knew it was about you, it was hard not to. All of the little hints that he left throughout his songs would blow over anyone else head, but you knew the true meaning of them and you think that’s one of the reasons you found it so emotional. He was smiling as he spoke to the people, briefly taking sips of his drink every now and then, which was only water so you wondered whether he’d drove there. You both would be flying home soon, but this would be the first time in three years that you’d be flying home alone. 

To stop yourself from crying, you quickly make you way over to the bar. After running your eyes over the cocktail menu, your eyes immediately pricked at the sight of one, and you could stop the words as they left your lips: “A cherry bomb fizz please.” 

You watched as the bartender added a cherry and some maraschino liqueur, before topping the drink off with Champagne. The drink was quite sour, but you quite liked it. It caused your lips to purse and eyebrows to widen, in a good way you must add. 

“Could never handle your alcohol, could you?” 

You could feel him before you heard him, but you didn’t want to turn around. Why he felt it okay to come up and talk to you were unsure about, but at the same time you had been hoping that he would. Why you were hoping that he would you were also unsure about, but you’re certain it had something to do with the fact that you weren’t quite over him. 

“I think you’re mistaken.” You say, taking another sip of your drink, “You were the one who could never handle your alcohol. And this is just sour.” 

He hums, as though he isn’t believing a word that you say, “If you say so, love.” 

“Love?” You say, raising your eyebrow at him whilst throwing back the rest of your drink, “Thought those days were well over.” 

“Force of habit, ‘suppose.” He shrugs, “I have a few of them when it comes to you.” 

“You grew out of them.” I shrug, “Can’t remember the last time you called me love whilst we were together.” 

He drops his eyes to the counter, and you know you’ve done what you’re supposed to. This is the first time you’ve spoken to since you broke up, and you can’t believe that it’s at a Christmas party of all places. He also had the audacity to call you love, something that you couldn’t believe he had the balls to do. The last few months of your relationship you were lucky if he even looked at you, and here he now was calling you love as though it’s totally okay to do so.

“I’ll always call you love.” He says, lifting his eyes up from the counter to look at you once more, “I’ll always care about you.” 

“Where was this five months ago?” You ask, unable to stop yourself. 

Your break up, in your opinion, came out of nowhere. You knew something had changed in your relationship, since he hardy had the time for you at the end of your time together. He’d get up in the morning and wouldn’t touch, or even kiss you. Then, when he’d come home it would be the exact same thing, he’d slip into bed and to stop yourself from feeling as though you were going to cry, you’d pretend you were asleep and hope that you’d actually fall asleep. He never told you a reason for breaking up with you, apart from that he needed space and that he couldn’t be with you. That was probably the thing that hurt you the most. He broke up with you, but you never really had a real reason why. 

“I just needed to leave.” He says, “That was my main focus.” 

You try to ignore your heart breaking all over again but it’s hard to, when it’s the only thing you can think about. 

“Why now?” You say, “Why are you doing this now?” 

“YN—”

You shake your head, “I don’t think I want to hear it. I’m going to go.” 

“Don’t—”

“—YN!” You feel an arm thrown around your shoulder, one that you immediately realise is Jeff once you register his voice and his face once you turn to him, “I haven’t seen you in months! How are you?” 

You can immediately tell that he’s drunk. From the slight slurring of his words, to the smell of alcohol on his breath as he speaks. You’re just as shocked to see him as he is to see you. 

“I’m good, Jeff, thanks.” You smile, at him, trying to push the conversation you’ve just had with his friend out of your mind, “How are you?” 

“I’m drunk.” He laughs, squeezing your shoulder slightly, “But! I’s nice to see you two together again!” 

The whole ignoring the situation doesn’t quite go to plan. Once he’s said those words you immediately draw your eyes towards Harry. You’ve never wanted to leave a conversation as much as you did this one. You look at Harry, but he isn’t looking at you. 

He gasps, “You should come over to the table! We’re all here and it’ll just be like old times.” 

“I couldn’t possibly. . .” You shake your head.

“You can!” He says, “Come on, I won’t take no for an answer! And H, hurry up with those drinks.” 

Jeff walks you away from the bar and towards the table that you noticed earlier when you noticed Harry for the first time this evening. Glenne, Mitch and Sarah are there, as well as Kid and a few other producers that you recognise from working on Harry’s album, as well as a few songs from yours also. You knew that just because you and Harry broke up you couldn’t expect the friendships that had formed because of you two to just stop altogether. 

“YN!” There’s a course of cheers and Sarah’s the first to stand up and wrap her arms around you. Out of everyone, Sarah was the person who you were closest with out of Harry’s band. She had joined Harry’s band after you and Harry had been dating for a year or so when Sarah joined the band, and you two instantly clicked and became the closest of friends. You had spoken a few times with her since you had broke up, but nothing compared to what you used to. You weren’t surprised though, she was Harry’s drummer first and your friend after — or that’s what you told yourself to make you feel slightly better. 

“Hi.” You smile, dropping down into the spare seat next to Sarah. Words are thrown around the table of glee that you’re there, as well as questions as to why you haven’t been in contact. You know they’re drunk, and you suspect that is why they’re saying all of the things they are. You were quick to fall out of the conversation as it moved onto the show that they did the day prior to celebrate the release of Harry’s album. You suppose the reason your feelings were so heightened today was due to your hearing the album for the first time yesterday and then replaying it today.

It was completely different to Harry Styles but still so Harry. You hated how his music made your feel, the sad and the happy ones, as well as all in between. Harry returned to the table shorty after clutching drinks in his hands, and under his arms. Why he didn’t just make two trips, you would never know, but it’s lucky that all the drinks made it without any spillages. 

“We were just talking about yesterday.” Glenne says, taking a sip of her drink as she does before turning towards you, “Have you heard the album, YN?” 

“You don’t have too—” Harry turns to your briefly. 

“I have.” You nod, “It’s good, a masterpiece even. You should be proud of it, H.” 

You can see his shoulder tense, and from knowing him as well as you do, you wouldn’t be surprised if his heart just sunk to the bottom of his stomach. If you’ve listened to the album, it means that you’ve heard the song that Harry hoped you hadn’t. 

“What would you say is your favourite?” 

You look directly at him as you say the next words, and you hope he listens to them, “Probably Cherry.” 

The other’s carry on talking as though you hadn’t said anything at all, but Harry doesn’t open his mouth again. He doesn’t stop looking at you though, and the way you look gorgeously defeated. A part of him wondered whether he was the one who caused you to be this way. About a month ago he asked some producers he knew that were working on your album with you how you are, and they said that you just seemed sad. It broke him to hear those words, just the words he had said to you all those months ago had broken you. Out of the blue, probably not but due to you not paying any attention, the group all move in, including you and Harry to have a reminiscent group photo.

He does open his mouth again when the group disperse to the dance floor, leaving the two of you all alone at the table.

“I’m sorry.” 

You don’t lift your eyes up from the end of the table cloth you’re messing with, an exasperated laugh leaving your lips, “What for? Breaking up with me? Taking everything from me? Or, I don’t know, using that in your song?” 

“I thought you wouldn’t mind.” 

“You thought I wouldn’t mind.” You shake your head, completely baffled at his words, “Why would you think that? I trusted you with that, and now it’s on the end of one of your songs.” 

“I’m sorry about everything, but especially that.” He says, and you can tell he’s being genuine with the look in his eyes. He looks as though he’s about to cry. 

“Why did you do it?” I asks, “You could’ve asked me. I would’ve said yes, I swear to you.” 

“I was nervous.” He says, “We didn’t leave on the best of terms, and I felt as though asking would’ve have been the best.” 

“So you decided to do it anyway?” 

“Will you forgive me, please?” He asks, and you can tell his voice is about to break, “Please.” 

“That’s it, Harry.” You say, “I don’t think I can.” 

The next morning you awake with a slight hangover, which wasn’t surprising because once you’d left quickly after saying your last words to Harry, and opened a bottle of vodka that you had in your cupboard. That bottle now sits on your bedside table, three-quarters of it drunk and the cause of your hangover. You were thankful that you hadn’t gotten too drunk before you left the party, due to the wraths of paparazzi that were there as you left. You remember leaving with your head down, ignoring their calls and questions, as well as their their cameras flashed at you. You had gotten into your car, your driver had smiled at you and the second the car started moving away from the club you found yourself unable to stop the tears that streamed down your face. 

This wasn’t the first time that you’d done this since you’ve broken up with Harry, but this was certainly the worse you’ve felt since you’ve done so. Your head had its own heartbeat, and you felt as though your were stable on your feet as you trudged towards the kitchen to have some orange juice, your remedy for your hangovers to say the least. It was always something that Harry thought ahead about when you were together. If he knew that the two of you were going out he’d always stock up the fridge. The amounts of time since that you’ve gotten drunk and not had any orange juice within the house is quite atrocious and he knew from experience that they never ended well.

You drink your first glass of the drink quickly, and pour your second one before making you way back into your bedroom. Due to the amount of time you spent in LA, you had purchased your second apartment here, your first being in London. It wasn’t the nicest ever, but it was good enough for you when you were here, and something that you were thankful to have when you woke up from nights like these. 

You fall back down upon your bed and the first you think you pick up is your phone, shocked at the thousands of notifications your found on it. You’re still slightly asleep so you rub your eyes a few times before clicking upon the instagram app. The thousands of notifications are dm’s and comments upon your photos. After clicking through the notifications, you find the culprit sat with a lovely love heart emoji on Glenne’s story. 

At some point that morning, probably whilst you were growing your sorrows away with vodka, she had posted the photo of you all on her story with the caption ‘the band’s back together,’ a heart emoji and tagged you in it. All the messages were asking whether you and Harry were back together again, not because you’d ever gone public with your relationship, but Harry had gone public with your breakup in his interview with the Rolling Stones and with Zane Lowe. He was very respectful in the way that he spoke about it, which was all you ask for. You hadn’t actively gone out to watch and read what he was saying, but your manager had warned you about them before you had done some interviews and you were curious to say the least what they were about. 

In the photo you could tell that you and Harry were the only ones who were sober. Everyone else had drunken grins on their faces whilst you and Harry, to say the least, had very uncomfortable smiles across both of your lips. It annoyed you slightly that the two of you couldn’t even be in the same place anymore without having messages upon messages about whether or not you’re back together. Anyone with a brain could see that you certainly weren’t just by the expression on both of your faces. 

You weren’t annoyed, or angry that the photo had been posted because you wouldn’t have taken the photo if you didn’t want it to be posted, but you did take the photo. You were always taking photos together before the breakup, and photo booths were you speciality. It’s another thing that you had hardly done since the breakup, so it was nice to see the photo but deep down a part of you wished that it hadn’t have been taken. 

It’s all over all of the social media’s, and you decide that it’s probably best if you just put your phone down. You’re about place it on your bedside table when a notification pops up on the top of your screen, and without thinking, you tap on it, sending you straight to the messages app and to who had sent you the message.

Harry: YN? 

Why he was sending you a message in the first place, you had no idea. Why he was messaging your so early in the morning was also something that confused you even more. 

Harry: I know you’re reading this. 

Harry: Your read receipts are on. 

You curse yourself for being so click-happy when you see a notification, and more so for having your read receipts on because you know you can remove them but you don’t quite know how to. You contemplate for a few seconds what to say in your drunken, tired haze, before typing out the message: 

YN: Can I help you? 

His reply comes in a few seconds later. 

Harry: Are you free? 

YN: Why? 

Harry: Meet me at Beachwood. Usual time. 

YN: Why should I? 

Harry: Just be there. Please.

YN: I will. 

When you walk down the pavement towards the Beachwood Cafe, its as though you’re doing so without actually thinking about it. When you and Harry were together — this was your place. You can’t even remember the amount of dates the two of you have had here, tucked away in the corner whilst the music played, chatting away endlessly about things that popped into each of your minds. It got to the point that when you two were free, and managed to get to go, you had been that much that the waitresses knew your order by memory. The first time they had done it, you remember the way you both smiled sheepishly at each other and back at the waitress. 

It was decorated for Christmas. You could see a tree in the corner of the cafe, as well as lights and tinsel across the windows. If you weren’t so nervous you probably would have smiled at the sight of it. 

You push the door open and hear the familiar ding of a bell that rings whenever someone walks through, and you’re catapulted back to last year when you did the exact same thing but with a smile on your face from your excitement of seeing your boyfriend, one who you cared and loved very much. 

The low hum of Mud’s Lonely this Christmas fills the room, very apt for the current situation and you’re guessing the mood of the conversation you’re about to have. It was late, close to closing time but you and Harry found that to be the best time to come, because hardly anybody else did. 

He’s already sat at your usual table, the one in the corner because the two of you often liked to people watch. It had started off a silly game once when you were both tired and didn’t really want to talk about your lives, so you started brainstorming what other people’s were like. As much as you hated to admit it, Harry’s stories were always the better of the two of you but you didn’t mind, because you could little to the words he spoke to you for every minute for the rest of your life and you wouldn’t mind. 

He’s already gotten your drinks, you can see the two glasses upon the table in front of him. You pull out the chair, making him look up from his phone at you. You can see his features immediately soften at the sight of you stood there. 

They always used to do that. 

“I thought you weren’t coming.” You don’t reply, “I got you a peppermint hot chocolate. I know It’s one of your favourites.” 

It was one of your favourites, and you haven’t been able to have one in a while because, surprise surprise, they remind you of Harry, and the time you used to spend together. 

“Thank you.” You say, picking up the drink and taking a sip of the hot liquid, dropping it back down and looking at him directly in the eyes, “Why did you invite me here?” 

He clears his throat, and the movements of his elbows suggest he’s wiping his hands upon his trousers. 

“I want to apologise. For everything, this time.” He says, and you watch as he places his hands back upon the table, messing with the rings on his hand. He still wore the one you got him for your anniversary a year ago, “For how I acted yesterday, the day we broke up and the months before hand. I was a dick, and there’s no excuse for it, but I just hope that you accept my apology.” 

“I do.” You say, after a couple of seconds of contemplation, knowing that there was no point to having this dragged out for any longer than it already was, “I just want to know why, that’s all I want.” 

“I.” He stops and lets out a shaky breath, “I don’t know, if I’m honest with you. I was just so investing into getting the album finished, and for some reason in my mind I thought that it would be best if I was single to do that.” 

“Why would you think that?” You ask, the tears brimming on your waterline. 

“I don’t know. The second I watched you walk out of the door, and when you didn’t turn around to look again but just drove away, I knew I’d messed up.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You choke back a sob, trying to be quiet to not draw attention to the two of you, “You should’ve stopped me. Explained. I love you Harry, I would have done anything to help you. You needed space, I would’ve given it to you. You needed me, I would’ve been there.” 

He drops his head, “I know.” 

“Then why didn’t you?” You suck in a breath and bite your head to stop anymore sounds from escaping, “You let me leave. You watched me leave. Why didn’t you stop me?” 

“I felt guilty. I’d just broken up with you, love, do you really think that it would’ve been a good idea for me to all of a sudden say I wanted you back?” 

Silent tears stream down your face, “You had months to, Harry. Months. You did nothing.” 

“And it’ll be the biggest regret of my life, YN, I promise you.” He says, and you can tell that he’s trying to stop himself from crying, “It will be. I’ve been a mess without you.” 

You still love Harry, and you know that you do, and you hate seeing him so upset. You believe that’s why you reach forward to take his hand in yours. 

“I have too.” 

Somehow, you and Harry had been booked on the same flight home, and you managed to get seats next to each other. Spending that time next to each other was good, you believed. It gave you the opportunity to properly speak and catch each other up on everything that had happened. Harry had apologised, yet again, for everything that had happened and you had too. You gushed over his album once you had done, and that was when he invited you to the Secret London Show he was holding at the Electric Ballroom. 

That takes you to now, stood in front of your mirror looking over your outfit to make sure that it was presentable enough. You knew you had to look presentable, but it wasn’t as fancy as the Christmas party. You dressed yourself in a long sleeved black lace top, and paired it with some black jean flares and your docs. Simple, yet quite effective in the grand scheme of things.

You were nervous to say the least about what what the evening was going to hold, especially since Gemma and other people who you hadn’t seen since the two of you broke up were going to be there. You weren’t exactly prepared, and if they asked you any questions you’d have no idea about what to say, but once you had brought that up with Harry, he said to just answer with the truth, which you were going to. 

The entire way to the electric ballroom you were nervous, your heart was beating out of you chest and you felt as though you shouldn’t have been going. You thought that up until you arrived, when you walked backstage to see Harry and Gemma stood talking whilst Harry was getting ready. Once he saw you, his features rose into a smile and yours did too, and you walked over to press a kiss to his cheek in greeting. 

“YN!” You could hear the shock in Gemma’s voice as she noticed that it was you and she immediately stood up and wrapped her arms around you, “I haven’t seen you in so long. How are you?” 

“I’m okay, thanks Gem.” You smiled, pulling away and tucking some of your hair behind your ear, “How are you?” 

“I’m amazing.” She says, “I certainly didn’t expect you to be here. Are you two back together? Please tell me that you are.” 

Instead of answering straight away, you turn to look at Harry briefly. You both knew exactly what was running through your brains, and the way you both smiled at each other made that completely obvious. He nodded, and then you knew exactly what to say. 

You grin and turn back to Gemma, “Trying to.” 

“Oh, I’m so happy for you.” She wraps you in another hug, “He was a mess without you, and I know you were a mess without him. You’re soulmates. I can’t believe he even did it in the first place.” 

“I think we all couldn’t.” You laugh.

“Hey!” Harry whines from the chair beside the two of you, “I made a mistake, we all get it.” 

You and Gemma laugh and from then it’s like the past six months hadn’t happened and you were still the best of friends. That was one thing about being with Harry, you loved his family just as much as you loved him. Gemma was like a sister to you, and she was even when you broke up but you just hadn’t seen her. Anne, well she was like a second mother to you. She always made sure to make you feel included at family gatherings, and she even came to stay with you sometimes when Harry went away for a while and you couldn’t go with him. You had missed Harry the most during this time, but Anne and Gemma were two people that you had also missed more than anything. 

The majority of people make their way to where they’re watching the show soon after, but you tell Gemma that you’ll meet her on the balcony later because you wanted to have a quick word with Harry. He was in the middle of shrugging his jacket upon his shoulders when you walked through the door, and he immediately stopped his movements and turned to look at you.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Everything okay?” 

You shrug and bite your lip, stepping for arms a few steps towards him, “Just wanted to see you.” 

You find your eyes flicking up and down his body, taking in the monochrome yellow suit he had on with a black tie. You always loved and supported Harry’s wardrobe choices, and you had missed in the time you hadn’t been with him picking them out with him. You felt as though this was an excellent choice. 

“You look amazing.” He says, taking a few steps forward so that you’re directly in front of each other. You watch as he lifts his hands up, about to place them on your waist but he stops himself and drops his arms back down. Without hesitation you grab his wrists and place them upon your waist. His eyes widen, but the second he feels your skin underneath his hand, just separated by the thin material of your lace top. 

“Thank you.” You bite your lip and wrap your fingers around his tie, lightly picking up the material, “You look so handsome, H.” 

He almost lets out a sob at your words, but he quickly stops himself and smiles at you. Without thinking, you lean forward and press your lips upon his. They feel so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. You want to cry. You’ve dreamt of this for months, the feeling of having him this closer to you again, and from the way he wraps his arms around your back and pulls you even closer to him, so that your body is fully flushed against his. You pull away with a smile and immediately drop your head to his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist under his jacket and hugging him close to you. You finally feel a tear escape from your eye. 

“I’ve missed you so much, H.” 

“I’ve missed you too.” 

He sings the entire Fine Line album from start to finish, and from how much you’ve listened to the album you actually know the majority of the words. You sing and dance away with Gemma, posting instagram stories of the two of you, and then one of how proud you are of Harry. You don’t need to explain yourself, there certainly isn’t a need to so you do so without any hesitation. You realise you’ve missed watching him perform, the way he can entertain a crowd with his talents has always been something you’d been jealous of. You’ve done shows here and there but because your album isn’t due to be out until the start of next year, when you plan to do your first world tour, and even though you try your hardest, you don’t feel as though you’ll ever be able to work a crowd the way he does. Where Stormzy came from, you still have no idea, since you hadn’t seen him downstairs but all of a sudden he’s singing Vossi Bop with Harry and your watching with your mouth dropped open in shock as he does so. 

You and Harry make the executive decision to go to Harry’s house after the concert. It’s how you both found yourselves sat on Harry’s sofa, a glass of wine in each of your hands. You head is leant against the back of the sofa, whilst Harry’s hand leans upon the back of it, running his fingers through your hair. It’s comforting, and the smile hasn’t left your face since he started to do it. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, moving his hand from your hair to run his finger along your cheekbone, then down until he’s running it across your lips, “I can’t believe I ever pushed you away. You were my girl. I was going to marry you, I needed to marry you, still do.” 

“I’m back now.” You whisper back, lifting your hand to place on his cheek, “And I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard you try and push me away, I’m not leaving.” 

“I don’t want you too.” He shakes his head, “I’ll never want you too again.” 

Without really thinking, you take the glass out of Harry’s hand and place both of yours upon the table in front of you, listening to the sound as glass meets glass. He leans back on the sofa with a puzzled look, immediately realising what is happening when you move to straddle his hips, placing your hands upon his shoulders to steady yourself. His hands fall upon the small of your back, his hands dragging up and down to tease your skin. 

You lean forward, moving so that your faces are inches apart. You knock his nose slightly with yours, causing his cheeks to curl upwards with a smile before you capture it with your lips.  immediately responds by kissing your back, pushing his body so that it’s placed even closer to yours if it’s physically possible. 

Without a warning you pull away from him, slipping off his lap so that you’re on your knees in front of him. His eyes never leave yours as you so, and he immediately opens his legs so that you can slip in between them, his finger running over his bottom lip as he watches you. 

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Want to feel you.” You reply, resting your hands upon his thighs, “Want to feel you in my mouth. Can I?” 

“Go ahead, baby.” 

You feel excitement bubbling in the pit of your stomach, and with shaky hands you move to unfasten his belt, and unbutton and unzip his trousers without much struggle. He lifts his hips up so that you can manoeuvre his trousers down and off his legs, leaving him in his black boxers. You bite your lip at the sight of the tent within the flimsy material, already growing and ready for you. You feel slightly overwhelmed that after so long of waiting, and wanting him to be in front of you again, he actually is. 

“Already so hard for me, H.” You say, running your hand over the fuzz upon his bare thighs, “Have you thought about this as much as I have.” 

“I thought about it everyday.” He replies, quickly at that, “It’s etched in my brain, the sight of you on your knees for me.” 

You bite your lip as your grin, leaning to press a kiss to his stomach, just above the happy little trial that slips underneath the hem of his boxers. You feel his stomach tense underneath your lips, especially when you hook your fingers into the hem of his boxers, wiggling the material down until you can completely take it off once he’d lifted his hips again. He’s fully hard for you, and you can feel your stomach doing little flips in excitement for what is going to happen. 

Sex, as it is in most relationships, was a big part of yours and Harry’s. It’s important that couples are comfortable with each other when revealing such intimate parts of themselves, and you and Harry were. If any of of you wanted to try anything, you could do so because of how comfortable you felt with each other. Whenever the other wanted to try anything, you’d do so without any hesitation and in such a way that you both enjoyed it. You both had your kinks, and your shared ones, and over the courser of your relationship you both explored those feelings. You were just happy that even though you had spent such time away from each other, you could still feel that confidence bubbling between the two of you, and those feelings bubbling between each other. Harry made you feel a way no other human being has ever been able to, and you were thankful because you felt as though you’d never be able to find that with anyone else, and now you didn’t have to worry because you were back together. 

“You ready to take me in your mouth baby.” He says, placing his hand upon your cheek, “Ready to take me the way you used to.” 

“Always, baby.” 

Your tongue slips from between your lips and you lick a stripe up his throbbing cock, causing a low groan to escape through Harry’s lips. You can’t help but smile at the sound, knowing that you had caused that. Another groan escapes his lips once you wrap your lips around his tip completely, taking it into your mouth and you can help but giggle slightly. He smiles down at you and pulls your hair up so that it’s off of your face, making a makeshift ponytail to help move you up and down his cock. 

“Look so good with my cock in your mouth.” His tongue slips out of his mouth to wet his lips, “Always could take me so well. Show me, baby, show me how deep you can go.” 

You comply, taking him as deep as you can until you can feel him in the back of your throat. You eyes start to water, and you look up at him through your eyelashes. You hold for as long as possibly can before he lightens his touch and allows you to pull away. A string of saliva connects you two together as you and you wipe your lips with the back of your hand to remove it. 

“Can you do it again?” He asks and you sheepishly nod, flicking your eyes between his throbbing member and him a few times before wrapping your lips back around him, “Fuck, baby, no one can do this like you can. No one.” 

His words spur you on and you deep throat him as far as you possibly can before you need to gasp for air, taking a few seconds before starting to bob your head again, taking a few seconds at each time to run your tongue over his throbbing tip, collecting some of the salty pre-come that had started to bubble there. 

“So good to me.” He lets you stop for a minute, and you place your head upon his thigh so that you can catch you breath. It was almost as though he knew that you needed to take a breather. You had the slight problem of always trying to do more than you’re able too and you almost always end up loosing too much of your breath, “Even though I’m an absolute twat. You’re always so good to me.” 

“You deserve it.” You say, your throat a little coarse from your actions before. 

“I don’t.” He shakes his head, “I broke your heart.” 

You hesitate for a few seconds, “But you’re fixing it.” 

“I shouldn’t have broken it in the first place.” 

You move so that your higher up and able to place a kiss to his lips, whispering against them, “You’re fixing it.” 

He kisses you back with more passion than before, moving his hand to grip under your thighs so that he can pick you up and place your on his. His fingers tug at the hem of your lace shirt, so you detach your lips so that you can pull it over your head. He groans at the sight of your bare chest to him, your nipples hardening into stiff buds at the feeling of the cold air immediately on your skin. 

“No bra?” He presses a few open mouthed kisses to your neck, “You’ve been with me all evening, and I never even fucking noticed that you didn’t have a bra on.” 

“You used to have a special talent for noticing when I didn’t have a bra on.” You giggle, sighing slightly at the feeling of his lips on his neck, and then the subtle feeling of his teeth grazing your skin. 

“I must’ve lost my touch. But don’t worry.” He pulls away and looks you directly in the eye, “I’ll soon get it back.” 

“Of course you will.” You laugh, but he stops it with his lips. The first time you and Harry kissed, you were so nervous. You felt as though you were going to mess up and he’d never want to kiss you again. You were completely wrong, and he actually ended up saying that it was one of the best kisses of you life. You couldn’t believe his words, and since then you completely found yourself wanting his lips to be on yours. Just as they were now, his tongue slipping between your lips and the feeling always transporting the two of you to where it’s just you, and you have the time in the world to kiss as much as you want to. 

He moves his kisses down your neck, leaving sloppy ones against your skin until he was at the curve of your breast. Harry was a boob man, you knew that for a fact. As much as he loved to hold onto your ass every now and then, you always noticed that he spent the majority of his time focusing on your boobs. Whether it be sucking blemishes into the plushly skin whilst you fucked, or laying his head on them as you both calmed down from your activities, he always, without fail, focused on your boobs. 

He knew that if he attacked your nipples skilfully with his tongue, he could have your dampening your panties and clenching your thighs together so much that he couldn’t resist it. He starts by wrapping his lips around your right nipple, tugging on the flesh slightly with his lips before letting it go with a pop. 

“Fucking love your tits, love.” He sighs and you giggles slightly before gasping at the feeling of his pinching your other nipple with his fingers, “Fit in my hands, and in my mouth, so nicely.” 

You moan in response to his words and throw your head back as he wraps his lips around your other one, sucking and sending flutters all the way down to your core. You wanted him, yearned for him, and you were beginning to grown inpatient. 

“Can we go to your bedroom?” You run your fingers through his hair and pull his head back so that he’s looking at you, “Bedroom.” 

“Is that where you want it?” 

“Want it in your bed.” You say, placing your hand upon his cheek, “Our bed.” 

He stands up with you still on him, your legs wrapped around him as he carries your upstairs. You rest your head upon his shoulder so he can look over yours and direct you safely to the comforts of his bedroom. 

This place didn’t hold the best of memories from the last few months of your relationship but if you ignored that and focused on the positives, you had some of your best times in this room. It was a place where the two of you could completely be yourselves, and have a place to call yours. The pillow talk that occurred in this room was out of this world, and it was where you planned your future. One that was put on hold briefly but now seemed to be ready for the two of you again. 

“Will you strip for me?” He asks as he places your down in the room, “I want to watch you slip out of those jeans, baby.” 

You nod but at first undress him. You slip the jacket from his shoulders, skilfully loosen his tie and pull it over his head. Next is his shirt which you start to unbutton, but Harry grows impatient and rips it off, the buttons flying in all sorts of directions. 

“Harry!” 

“Oops?” He laughs, sitting down on the bed. 

You had given Harry one strip tease before, for his birthday a year ago and it had gone down a treat. You had dressed up in your fanciest lingerie, which happened to be a black set that he had bought specifically for you for your birthday with ‘Styles’ embroidered on the inside. There was something, for the both of you, that you loved about seeing his name all over your the undergarments you wore. Whenever you wore them out in public, the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, as though you were hiding a naughty secret that you didn’t want anyone to know about. 

“Are you going to?” He urged, not taking his eyes off you’re, “I’m waiting.” 

“Might make you wait a little longer.” You smile, running your fingers along the hem of your jeans, “Seeing as though you left me waiting for how long?” 

“Don’t tease.” 

“Why?” You shrug, “That was your speciality, wasn’t it?” 

He had a love for teasing you, always had done. From the first time the two of you had sex, you knew he liked to tease. He liked to tease you all over, having your body withering under his touch until you couldn’t help but beg for him to touch you. You had a slight suspicion that he enjoyed hearing you beg for him, whimpering under his touch until you were crying for him to touch you. You remember that once, he had been teasing you all day whilst you had been out and about, but once you had gotten home he was teasing you so badly, overstimulating you over and over until you were crying for him to make your come. 

“Just strip, my love.” You laugh and his words and unfasten the button to your jeans, turning around so that your ass is facing him, pulling your jeans down to reveal your black lace panties to him. You’re not surprised when he smacks his hand to the flesh of your ass, causing you to turn around with a gasp.

“That wasn’t nice.” You move so that you’re straddling him again. 

“When have I ever been nice?” He raises his eyebrows, “I don’t think you want me to start now.” 

He leans forward and places his lips to yours again, his body falling back upon the bed so that you’re hovering above him. His fingers run down from the small of his back, to her ass again until he’s gripping the flesh between his fingers, quite harshly you must say so which goes straight to your core. You know that the front of your panties are ruined by your wetness, and you know for certain that Harry does also. 

“Sit on my face.” He mumbles against your lips.

“What?” You whisper back.

“Sit on my face.” He places a kiss to your jaw, “Wanna eat that pretty cunt, want to have you trembling above me.” 

You would squeeze your thighs together, but you can’t because of his body between yours. You nod your head and clamber off him, pulling your underwear down your legs quickly. You move up the bed until you’re next to his head, spreading your legs and placing your knees on either side of his head. His hands grip your thighs, dancing his fingers along your thighs. 

“Please, H.” You say, pushing his hair off of his forehead as you look down at him.

“Didn’t think you’d be begging so soon, baby.” He chuckles, pressing a few kisses upon your cheeks. 

“I’m doing no such thing.” You shake your head, “You’re just being slow.” 

He certainly isn’t being slow when he leans his head forward and starts to attack your clit with his tongue. You have to quickly lean forward also and grab the headboard to steady yourself, a moan escaping your lips as he does so. He attacks your clit quickly, and you can’t help but grind your hips forward at the feeling. He curls his hands around your thighs, stopping you from moving anymore. You cry out as he doesn’t slow down, and you pull his hair slightly. It emits a moan from him which vibrates against your clit, creeping your closer and closer to your peak.

It becomes a cycle. As you pull on his hair, more moans and groans tumble from his lips again sty your clit. He knew the more that he focused upon your clit, the closer you’d find yourself to your orgasm. He had learnt this, and he certainly hadn’t forgotten it. 

You bite your bottom lip and close your eyes, rocking your hips back and forth against his tongue. He knows your close, due to your thighs clamping around his head. He doesn’t slow down, but instead he flicks his tongue even quicker. 

“Fucking hell.” You moan, your body starting to shake as you feel your orgasm wash over you. He continues to attack your clit, coaxing you through your orgasm until you’ve finished and catching your breath. 

“You taste so fucking good.” He says, dancing his fingers upon your thigh, “Missed your taste.” 

“Fuck me, H.” You say, breathlessly.

He doesn’t hesitate. You manoeuvre yourself off of his head and lay so that you’re head is rested upon his pillow. He leans to open his bedside drawer but you stop him, grabbing his arm and pulling his back to you.

“Did you sleep with anyone else?” You ask, knowing that this could make or break whether you were going to be fucked or not at this moment.

“No.” He says, immediately shaking his head, “I didn’t. Did you?” 

You also shake your head, “I wanna feel you, H. Want you to come in me.” 

He groans without even touching you yet, or you touching him. He immediately drops his lips to yours, and you can’t help but giggle and smile into the kiss. You wrap your arms around his back and pull him closer to you. He pulls away slightly, just to grip his cock, running his thumb over his tip a few times. 

“Are you sure?” He says and you nod, threading your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Please, H.” You nod, hips bucking towards his, “I need you.” 

“Need you too.” He kisses you again, “Always need you.” 

He leans forward, looking down between the two of you to line his cock up with your entrance. He runs the tip over your clit for a second before pushing into you. Your walls immediately envelope him, tightening around him with every inch that he moves in. You sigh against his lips, wrapping your arms around his back. He starts to move in and out of you, your walls clenching around him as he tries to find his rhythm. 

“Fuck.” You can’t help but moan that into his ear. 

“Taking me so well.” You drop your hands to rest on your pillows next to him, to which he takes your hand in his as he starts to quicken his pace, “Missed your pussy so much. Never leaving again.” 

Instead of replying, you place your lips upon his again. From the way his eyes are screwed closed, you can tell that he’s close. If it’s possible, he starts to thrust his hips harder towards you, hitting a point so deep into you that causes a whine to fall from your mouth. 

“You’re gonna come, aren’t you?” He says against your neck, moving in and out until your thighs are shaking beneath him, “Can feel you, fuck, can feel you clenching around me. Milking my cock, aren’t you?” 

You hum, “Feel so good, H. I’m so close.” 

When you do come, you see stars. You clench around him, and profanities escape your lips. The feeling is completely how you remember it. You hadn’t been completely celibate since breaking up with Harry, since you do own a little bullet vibrator that had been your friend. You had it for years before you met Harry, and you used it whenever he was away or if the two of you fancied spicing it up every now and then.

You come down from your high just as Harry is catapulted into his, coating your walls with his as does so. His body collapses on top of yours, his head rested at the side of yours. He’s still inside of you, and both of your chests are rising up at down at a quick pace. 

“Fucking hell.” He laughs, and you turn your head to look at him. He has a grin upon his face and you lean forward to kiss his dimple, “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.” 

“I know.” You smiled, “You’ve told me multiple times. I’ve missed you to.” 

He finally pulls out, and you immediately felt empty. You whined slightly and he moved off of you, dropping down upon the bed next to you. You take this as the opportunity to slip from your bed. Due to not having sex in a long time, you flip your legs over the edge of the bed and prepare yourself for having to take a few steps. Taking a deep breath, you stand up and waddle your way towards Harry’s bathroom, scooping up Harry’s shirt on the way. 

You know the way like the back of your hand, and it’s oddly comforting to you. Once you’re in the bathroom, you clean yourself and do your business. Once you’re satisfied, you shrug Harry’s shirt on and do up a few buttons so that you’re covering at least a bit of yourself as you do so. 

Harry’s underneath the covers as you return to his room, smiling at you with dimples and all as you walk back through the door. He’s on his side of the bed, and you clamber into yours. The feeling of having someone in bed next to you makes you happy inside. You lay upon your side, with one of your hands beneath you head and Harry copies your movement. Your faces are close, and he leans forward to place a kiss to your nose. 

You smile, “Hi.” 

“Hi, love.” 

“Are you okay?” You ask and he nods, “Do you think we’ve rushed this?” 

“No.” He’s quick to say, “I don’t think we have. We needed this. I’ve never felt closer to someone as I do to you right now.” 

“Me neither.” You smile, moving to grab his hand that was rested upon his side, “And I don’t think I will again.” 

“Darling.” Harry says, pointing his finger in the air as he does so. 

Chloe hesitates for a second before letting out a, “Ding!” to say that he was right. 

It was Boxing Day, and after spending Christmas Eve and the majority of Christmas Day with your family, you had driven from your family house up to Cheshire to spend the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with Harry’s family. You were all sat in the living room playing a game, sporting glasses of wine and basking in the Christmassy feeling of being together again. 

After Harry’s show on the nineteenth, and the acts that happened afterwards, you and Harry had many conversations. There was a few tears from the two of you, and the conversation got heated in some aspects but you were together again, and that was the main thing. Originally, you had decided to spend Christmas separate, without each other’s company just because it was such a sudden change and you wanted to make sure that you fully weren’t rushing into things. Then, whilst sat on the sofa after devouring your Christmas dinner, with Mud’s Lonely this Christmas playing through your speakers that you realised that you missed Harry, and a Christmas without seeing him now was a Christmas that you didn’t want in your life. 

You had contemplated surprising him and just turning up, but you felt as though that wasn’t fair on the rest of his family, and that’s why you messaged and asked him. He replied asking whether you were certain that you wanted to do this, and you said yes and he said that he’d have a cup of tea ready for you whenever you arrived. 

He did have one ready for you, and it was everything you needed to warm yourself up after the long journey. 

Anne, Gemma and Michal asked no questions to you, but you had no doubt that they had asked Harry some on your journey. Anne had welcomed you with a hug, and so did Gemma and once their prying eyes were away, Harry kissed you as though his life depended on it, pressed against the staircase of his mother’s house whilst fairy lights twinkled around them. 

Anne’s next to go, hoping that her answer of, “Sweetheart,” was at the top of the list. 

Chloe replies with, “Uh huh,” to which everyone “Ooo’s” in response at.

You’re rested upon the back of the sofa, with a flute of Champagne in your hand. Harry, in his flat-cap almost breaking your hear with how handsome he looked, turned around and pointed his finger at you. 

“Come on, now.” He says, “Be smart with this. It’s sticky stuff.” 

“Babe.” You immediately reply, knowing that was one of pet names that Harry called you the most.

People around the room laugh at Harry’s phrase of ‘sticky-stuff’ but that doesn’t mask Chloe’s exclamation of, “Ding!” followed by, “Top answer.” 

You smile at the knowledge and Harry turns to you also, holding his fist up for you to fist bump which you both laugh at. He holds his hand out and you pass him your drink, which he takes a sip of quickly before returning it to you so you can carry on playing the game. 

Michal is next, and for some bizarre reason to all of you he says, “Cutie-pie,” which certainly isn’t on the list. The room chuckles around you, and Harry says something about him “returning to the mines’’ which you all laugh at, but you specifically roll your eyes at. 

The game soon wraps up, and you have your meal. Harry sits next to you, and had his hand upon your thigh the entire way through. The table around the two of you chatted about all sorts, many of the questions being about when your music was coming out which you certainly didn’t expect. You started to feel as though your album, when it came out, wouldn’t be very complimentary of your relationship with Harry, and you were starting to regret it slightly, but you loved all of your songs and you hoped that when you showed Harry, and the world for that matter, that they would too.  

You and Harry, after the meal had finished, had offered to be on washing up duty. You had been given the task of washing up, whilst Harry dried because he felt as though his skills were better there. You let him believe that and carry on with drying all of the special Christmas cutlery that didn’t go in the dish-washer. 

Once you had finished, and you were drying your hand upon the towel, you felt hands upon your waist, more specifically, Harry’s. He place a kiss to your neck and you giggled, turning around so that upon were facing him. He immediately captures your lips with his, and you wrap your arms around your neck to steady yourself from the attack of his lips. His hands immediately again go to your waist, slipping his hand underneath the material of your jumper to rest upon your skin. Once you pull away, you look at him with a smile upon your face. 

“What was that for?” 

“What?” He shrugs, “Can’t I kiss my girlfriend?” 

“Girlfriend?” You ask, unable to hide your smile.

“Girlfriend.” He nods, “That’s what you are, aren’t you?” 

You nod your head and place another kiss to his lips, the feeling running through the two of you without really knowing how significant he really was. 

“If you want me to be. I want to be.” 

He lifts one of his hands and places it upon your cheek, running his thumb ever so delicately along your skin.

“I love you.” He says, with no hesitation in his voice, “I know I’ve been shitty, and I probably shouldn’t be saying this to you, especially not in the way that I am, but I do love you and I never stopped. I swear to you, that from now on my love for you will be the most important thing, and I won’t ever, ever make you second best again.” 

“That’s all I want.” You reply, leaning forward to place a kiss upon his lips, “I love you too.” 

With the year that you had, and the feeling as though you’d never be with this man again, you couldn’t believe that here you were with him. He was with you, and he was yours and there was no doubt in your mind that what happened earlier this year will never happen again. It was almost as though this was something that your relationship needed to grow stronger in itself, and it surely was now.

He wraps an arm around your neck and pulls you onto his chest, “I’m never letting you go again. I probably won’t let you out of my sight again.” 

“I can’t say that I’d ever complain.” 

[redhoodieone]

His Girl

Plot: Dick Grayson has a type in women: athletic, feminine, and classy. However, the reader is completely different as she is plus-size, tomboyish, and spontaneous. But a conversation about Y/N between Dick and the batboys takes an unexpected turn one night.

Warnings: Language, Sensitive topics, and Fluff.

“What the hell’s up your ass?” Jason asks Dick, as he hands him a bottle of beer from the refrigerator in the Batcave. It was only until last week that Bruce gave in and allowed a refrigerator to be down there after the boys begged him for one.

As long as it was only for beverages, of course. Bruce had mentioned the boys have been eating too much junk food lately, but the boys knew deep down that his rule is simply for him, because of his age, and maybe for Y/N, too.

Y/N has only been with the Batfamily for a year since her family died at the hands of Two-Face. She had only started training with Bruce for two months now, and the two of them have been working out quite a bit.

Which makes sense of Bruce’s one rule for the refrigerator, though. But that hasn’t stopped Jason from sneaking in food anyways; mostly pizza and lunch meat and cheeses for sandwiches.

But now, Dick’s distant and silence is unbearable since the circus descent acrobat is usually excited and rambling about anything and everything.

“Uh, nothing! I mean...” Dick stutters. His behavior tonight was questionable to say the least. Usually, he would be on his game and even throw some wisecracks but he’s been awfully quiet, nervous even.

“Uh-huh, sure. Whatever you say,” Jason scoffs.

Dick sits on top of the hood of the Batmobile while he peels the sticky label from the beer bottle. He notices Tim and Damian walking out from the showers and are already dressed in sweatpants and t-shirts. Bruce is seated at the Batcomputer, still in costume but minus the cowl. Jason sits at the small table and sips from his beer and snacks on a triple meat and cheese sandwich he must have made quickly.

And Alfred had long gone to bed after Bruce forced him to get some rest since they’ve returned home and are not dead.

Dick suddenly notices Y/N must still be in the showers, on the other side of the cave for privacy where the guys can’t bother the girls.

“Fine...I’ve been...having these thoughts and dreams about Y/N lately,” Dick confesses. He notices Jason staring at him with a confused expression.

“Yeah, and…?”

“Well…lately, I’ve been thinking about her as…more than a friend. I’ve been seeing her in a new light. And you know I’ve always thought she was cool, and funny, and incredibly smart,” Dick continues, with a small smile. “But…I’ve never been sexually attracted to women like her before.”

Jason purses his lips and appears to think it over. “So, I don’t see the problem.”

“I just told you I’ve never felt this way about Y/N or any woman like her before.”

“Because you’re shallow.”

“I’m not shallow,” Dick argues, suddenly feeling defensive at Jason’s attack. “I just…I’ve never seen heavy women as hot, you know?”

“You can try to justify all that, but the point is, you’re shallow.”

“Have you ever slept with a heavy girl before, Jason?!” Dick snaps.

Jason chuckles and grins. “Actually, I have.”

“Bullshit,” Dick scoffs.

“Yeah, I have Dickie-bird. It happened three years ago, when my Outlaws and I kicked Black Mask’s ass. We went to a bar to celebrate in downtown Gotham. Roy and Star left early to go fuck or something. I was left alone and I was about to call it a night until this smoking hot woman took a seat next to me. She had long dark hair, tan skin, and curves that made my mouth water and my cock hard enough to pound nails. She was gorgeous, but there were these assholes around her and were calling her fat and telling her to leave because no one here would take her home. And do you want to know what I did?” Jason asks.

“What?” Dick asks quietly.

“I took her home, after I broke all those guys’ jaws. She was fucking amazing, man. She had a magnificent ass that she actually allowed me to spank. Her curves were endless, and after I fucked her good three times, cuddling and falling asleep with her was probably the best part of the night. I’ve never felt so…comfortable and felt warm, because I actually felt someone beside me,” Jason admits.

Dick raises an eyebrow at him. “Wow, I didn’t think something like that could happen to you, Jason. If anything, I thought you were shallow.”

“I used to be, until I realized I was judging others, when I was actually trying to have others not judge me. Alfred actually helped me with that. I don’t remember every word he said exactly but he said I wasn’t trying all the ice cream flavors out there. Like, I was always sticking to a certain flavor of ice cream, and I wasn’t trying other kinds, meaning I should be looking at all types of women. And after my one night stand with that magnificent woman’s ass, I realized bigger girls aren’t deal breakers; they’re just more to love,” Jason admits, and shrugs with a smug smile.

“That’s…I don’t even know what to say. But Y/N’s different. She’s someone we know and it makes it harder. And my problem isn’t that I’m shallow, it’s how I’m supposed to handle my feelings about her.”

“Yeah, you are, Dick. Y/N’s literally the best woman we’ve ever met. Hell, the best woman I’VE ever met. She’s fucking funny, she’s so caring and kind, she’s smarter than Timbo when it comes to common sense,” Jason lists off his reasons.

“That’s true! I’m not going to lie about that!” Tim interrupts from the distance.

“Y/N’s real, she doesn’t bullshit about anything like other girls. She’s honest, and that’s a rare thing to find nowadays. And fuck…she can really handle her alcohol, she can down shots of Fireball like it’s water,” Jason adds.

“You don’t think I know all that? Of course, I do! That’s why I’m having such a hard time dealing with my feelings for her. I’ve only ever been with tall, athletic women, who wear skirts and dresses, eats healthy, and are…well, feminine,” Dick confesses. A guilty expression shows on his face. “And Y/N’s not any of that. She’s really short, kinda chubby, and she’s more of a tomboy type, who’s loud and rambunctious, and eats like a man.”

Jason snorts. “And that’s a problem why? That’s why Y/N’s fucking awesome, man! I actually really like how she’s not afraid to be herself. She’s not fake. Do you know how long it took for her to be comfortable with all of us and be who she is rather than how she thought we expected from her? And I don’t know about you but I love how she eats, whenever we go out to restaurants, I actually like how I can eat the way I want and not feel like a fat ass because I know her and I both love what we love and fuck all who have a problem with that!”

Bruce turns around in his chair and gives both boys a warning look. Even Tim and Damian silently take a seat and watch closely.

“Fuck…Y/N is the perfect woman. She’ll always be in my eyes,” Jason admits, looking down at his beer longingly before taking a sip.

“If you feel so strongly about her then why haven’t you tried to go out with her or sleep with her?” Dick asks angrily.

Jason’s pause takes everyone by surprise. “Because she can do better than me.”

“You-you actually tried to get with her?” Dick stammers.

“Oh, yeah I definitely did. I think about a year ago. I had spent the summer with her here while everyone was busy with the whole Justice League and Superman bullshit,” Jason explains. “You were with the Titans with Tim and Damian. It was just me and her.”

“Alfred was there as well,” Bruce mumbles.

“Anyways, call it cheesy as hell like those romcoms, but we actually got really close. She’s a spitfire for sure, but she really knows how to get under your skin,” Jason chuckles.

Tim and Damian nod their heads in agreement with that.

“And I obviously made the whole situation uncomfortable as fuck because when I told her how I felt, she rejected me. She said we were too alike, we’d butt heads all the time. And after that, I never brought it up again.”

Jason’s confession gives Dick a sense of confidence.

“Look, if you want to ask her out and do all that then I support you. Just know if you fucking hurt her or do anything wrong, I’ll slit your throat even if you’re family,” Jason threatens seriously.

“I wouldn’t even know how to bring it up with her,” Dick says.

“Well, don’t bring up how her weight and appearance bothers you,” Jason says seriously.

“It doesn’t!”

“Okay. How did you ask Barbara, Star, Zatanna, and-”

“I get it, Jason. I’ll just talk to her and tell her I have strong feelings for her,” Dick interrupts him. “I’ll just tell her the truth.”

“You already did.”

That voice belonged to none other than Y/N. All the guys in the Batcave jerked their heads to the top of the stairs where Y/N stood and looked down with tears running down her cheeks. She was wearing her plaid pajama pants and a loose black t-shirt she stole from one of them a long time ago, she doesn’t exactly know who though.

Dick and Jason slowly stand up. Dick carefully walks over to the stairs while Jason cautiously follows.

“Y/N…” Dick whispers, already feeling guilty and nervous that she had probably heard everything. “Please listen to me…”

“WHY?! So, you can tell me you didn’t mean any of that, when you actually did. I thought you were different! I didn’t know you could judge someone like that! Especially someone like me!” Y/N yells. “I thought you were my friend!”

“I am your friend! Y/N, please give me a chance to explain! I really like you, and-and I was just trying to ask for help so I can talk to you!” Dick pleads.

“Don’t lie to me! You were only asking for help because you didn’t know how to deal with me being fat and manly! I’m sorry I’m not like Barbara and Star! I’m sorry I’m not beautiful and thin! I’m sorry I’m not perfect for you!” Y/N cries out and runs up the stairs.

“Y/N! Wait! Please!” Dick shouts for her. He chases after her.

By the time Dick reaches Y/N’s bedroom door, it’s locked. He can hear her crying, automatically feeling like shit for being the reason why she’s hurt.

“Y/N, please…” Dick tries again.

“Leave me alone, Dick!”

Dick swallows hard and forces himself to move away from her door. There was no use for him to stand there; he’d already broke her trust and possibly ruined their friendship. He might have even ruined his chances with her.

Jason approaches Dick. “Is she crying?” he asks.

“Yes,” Dick chokes out. He runs a hand through his dark hair. “Fuck, Jason…I don’t know what to do. She won’t even talk to me.”

“You should go, Dick. I think you’ve done enough.”

Dick was a little taken aback by Jason’s command. He pushes himself to walk away anyways.

“Bruce wants to talk to you. You should go find him before he finds you,” Jason adds.

Dick exhales heavily and leaves. Jason shakes his head in disappointment at him. He takes a deep breath and knocks on Y/N’s bedroom door.

“Doll, it’s Jay. Please let me in,” Jason says softly. “I just want to talk to you.”

He didn’t think she would open the door for him. He didn’t think she would want to talk to him even though he hadn’t pissed her off or upset her in any way. But Y/N unlocked her door and even opened it for him.

Jason was deeply heartbroken to see Y/N; her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks were wet, and she had the devastating look on her beautiful face. He quickly walked into her room and shut the door, quickly locking it.

He had to be cautious though. He knew couldn’t say or do the things he wants to do with her right now. Instead, he slowly and carefully approaches her. She allows him to wrap his strong arms around her, bringing her closely to his body to hold and protect her from everyone and everything.

“Shh…it’s okay, sweetheart. I got you. I’m not going anywhere,” Jason whispers into her hair. He tries desperately to not inhale the addicting scent of her shampoo and lingering perfume so much. “You’re okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Y/N lifts her face from Jason’s chest and gazes up at him. The sight of her glistening eyes makes him draw her closer to him.

“What did I do wrong, Jay? What did I do to deserve all that? Is everything about me really bad?” Y/N asks softly, on the verge of tears again.

“No. No, don’t say that. Don’t say any of that! Nothing is wrong with you. You’re beautiful, Y/N. You’re perfect just the way you are,” Jason admits.

Y/N shakes her head in disbelief. It breaks Jason’s heart more when she tries to pull away from his embrace, but he refuses to let her go. His grip tightens and he holds her as if she’d disappear and leave him all alone.

“That’s not true, Jay,”

“It is true. Hell Y/N, you’re the most badass woman I’ve ever met. You don’t take shit from any of us. You’ve managed to stay here even after all the bullshit everyone has put you through,” he explains. He even chuckles at a memory. “You’ve even made Bruce cry, remember? Remember you called him out on his bullshit when he refused to train you? You’re almost a savage like Alfred, you even make Wonder Woman and Catwoman look like dollar tree prizes, and that’s no lie.”

Y/N looks down at her feet. Jason knows she still doesn’t believe him.

“You’re always perfect in my eyes, Y/N. There isn’t a goddamn thing I would change about you,”

“If I’m so perfect, then why does Dick think so low of me?” Y/N asks. She sniffles adorably and looks back up at him.

“Because he’s a fucking idiot who can’t see the best thing that’s in front of him,” Jason answers, and looks into Y/N’s eyes before he looks at her lips. “But his loss is my gain.”

[jenohi]

stranger

PAIRING ▸ Watanabe Haruto x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ pining, high school au, lacrosse au, I’m not really sure what genre this is lol

WARNINGS ▸ traumatic events?

SUMMARY ▸ When Haruto moves halfway around the world the last person he expects to see is you. His former nemesis...or so he thinks.

PLAYLIST ▸ Still Don’t Know My Name by Labyrinth

WORD COUNT ▸ 9626

UNIVERSE ▸ YG High; Treasure Lacrosse Team

A/N ▸ I’ve decided from here on out all my stories will probably fall within the same universe. I only really have like 4 universes in mind so I’ll label them just so you know. Also, I’m looking to add some art to my stories to bring them more to life but I am useless at graphics/edits, so! If you’re really into making graphics/edits and you enjoy my work please please PLEASE reach out to me!!! I would love to work with an amazing artist! <3 <3 Plz enjoy.

A/N 2 ▸ This story is like a lot of crossover with Jeongwoo’s story but I hope I was able to bring justice to Haruto’s character and bring his story to life. :P ok now enjoy for real realz.

You were the prettiest girl Haruto had ever known in his life. But to him, you were also his rival. You always managed to score just a few points higher than him on each exam, each quiz, each assignment. To him it always felt like the teachers liked you more, so he made sure your classmates liked him more. The thing that made him really mad was that you were so unbothered. You were ambivalent to him and you didn’t even know his name. If you really were strangers and never sat in the same class he could understand. But you had been in the same classes for years. Each time you spoke to him, you politely asked for his name. As if you were strangers.

When his parents told him that his family was going to move to another city, far enough that he would have to transfer schools, he had mixed feelings. This was his last chance to confront you. To understand why you’d never bothered to remember his name, but each time he approached you he found you furiously scribbling in a notebook. Although he resented you for not knowing his name, he could never get himself to disturb you when you looked so stressed scribbling whatever it was in your notebook.

What Haruto didn’t know is that you did notice him. You noticed the handsome, tall, skinny boy that was always in the corner of your line of sight. But you had no idea what to say to him. So you never approached him. He was a stranger.

Haruto wished he could forget you. He was a bit uncomfortable transferring to a new school at first but thankfully, three other boys had transferred with him. Asahi, Mashiho, and Yoshi had become literal brothers to him. The school also had a transfer students program and he made a new friend, Hanbyul. She was a chatterbox and sometimes she could literally chat his ear off, but she was also sweet and helpful. But she wasn’t you.

But that didn’t matter because Hanbyul had another guy on her mind all the time anyway. “You know we’ve just been friends for such a long time and lately, I’ve started to...I don’t know. I feel different. Nervous. Is it normal to feel nervous around your best friend?”

“I don’t know. Is it?” Haruto responded.

“No, I suppose it isn’t. But he probably doesn’t feel the same way. I doubt he’s ever even thought about me in that way.”

Haruto felt someone nudge him, he turned to see that it was Asahi. Haruto leaned over to hear what he was going to say. “Is she talking about Jaehyuk’s brother?”

Haruto nodded.

“Jaehyuk talks about his little brother and this chick all the time. She’s so off the mark. The little brother definitely has feelings for her if Jaehyuk is anywhere near the mark.” So both parties had feelings for one another but both parties were too chicken to say anything to each other. And for no good reason.

In a way that reminded Haruto of himself and it pissed him off. He knew that spending so much time with his new friend would raise suspicions but he didn’t care. He knew that spending so much time with her pissed Jeongwoo off. It didn’t take a genius to recognize it when they went to the Big Bang Concert together.

Haruto thought he was going crazy when he spotted you a few spaces over at the concert. He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times to make sure it was really you. Haruto stormed over to you once he decided that it was in fact you. He had spent months thinking about what to say to you if he ever saw you again, he wasn’t going to miss this opportunity. Haruto didn’t even think to tell his new friends where he had gone.

You saw a tall, handsome figure approaching your direction. You took a second to check him out, but then turned back to the performers and continued to enjoy yourself. Your parents were reluctant to let you go out to this concert on your own but it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you wanted so badly. You smiled sadly at what might happen when you woke up tomorrow.

“I didn’t know you were a fan of Big Bang.” You heard a voice from behind speak into your ear. You jumped in surprise and turned around to see that it was the handsome stranger you saw sauntering your way earlier.

“Hi, what’s your name?” You asked with a polite smile on your face. This is probably exactly what your parents were worried about, creepy men that would try to approach you. You started to think about the best way to remove yourself from the situation safely. The now unamused expression on his face alarmed you.

“When are you gonna cut the shit. You know who I am.”

You looked at him puzzled. “I do? How? From where?”

Haruto felt something in his chest crack. “I used to go to school with you. You’re Y/N right?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s me.” You furiously racked your mind trying to remember what you had read but your memory came up blank. You couldn’t help but cringe and turn away. This is why you tried your best to keep to yourself and away from people. You looked up to see Haruto staring down at you with a curious expression. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you. You said you used to go to school with me? You don’t go to school with me anymore? Can I get your name again? I’m really sorry. I’ll try and remember.”

“My name is Haruto. I don’t go to school with you anymore. I transferred to a new school a few months ago.”

“Oh, I see.”

Haruto wasn’t sure how to feel when he realized you actually had zero recollection of him. For some reason seeing you up close and seeing you really trying to remember him made him feel a bit sympathetic. He couldn’t understand why. It still totally irked him that you didn’t know his name. But something told him to sit down with you and get to know you.

“Well, do you like your new school?” You asked, looking up at Haruto. Your heart was beating hard and fast. You prayed that your face wasn’t flushing.

“Why don’t we just enjoy the rest of the concert for now and we can grab a late night meal after the concert?” Haruto proposed. His own palms were sweaty and his heart was beating fast.

You thought about it for a second, then nodded and smiled. Haruto felt like the world had a glittery filter for a second. He’d always acknowledged that you were attractive, but up close smiling at him, you were drop dead gorgeous.

“Awesome.”

After the concert, the two of you walked side by side as you left the crowded venue. You noticed Haruto took a second to text someone on his phone. He caught you snooping and laughed as you turned away. “It’s fine. I was just letting the friends I came with know that I was gonna head out with you.”

“Oh, if you need to get back with them it’s fine.” You said, maybe hanging out with Haruto was a bad idea after all.

“Not a chance, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I’m honestly curious to know how you are and how things are back home.”

Your face flushed at his words. You couldn’t remember the last time you had spent time with a guy like this. Was this a date?

“Alright. Then what are you in the mood for?” You asked, pulling up a list of restaurants that were still open at this hour.

“What’s available now? What are you in the mood for right now?” Haruto looked over your shoulder at the menu as he asked.

“Um, what about McDonald’s? I’m not that picky and there’s not that much open right now.” you said.

Haruto stared at you with wide eyes, were you always this cool? So the two of you made your way to the closest McDonald’s and debated which was better, Coke or Sprite. To Haruto, Coca-Cola was non-negotiable.

“How is your new school?” You asked Haruto, munching on a few of your fries. “Do you like it?”

“What are you doing here?” Haruto interjected.

“What do you mean?”

“We’re not in Japan. This is far from home. Why are you in America?”

“Oh, I’m uh- I’m visiting family. I’ve actually transferred to a school around here for the time-being as well.” You jumped in surprise when Haruto shrieked.

“You’re here now? Like for good? Like you go to school here? Where?”

You giggled at the questions he rained down on you. The way he asked you with his cheeks full and eyes wide was rather endearing. “Yes I’m here now. I’m actually, uh, home schooled for the time being.”

“Oh, interesting. Why are you homeschooled? I remember you were always really good at school.” Haruto said before he shoved another chicken nugget into his mouth. The irritating thought that you were always better than him at school, just by a little popped up in his mind but he pushed it away. That didn’t matter anymore. He had your attention now.

You felt your face flush. Even with your condition it was true that you maintained your good grades. So Haruto must have actually known you back in Japan. You eyed him again, when he caught you staring at him you turned away. Haruto smirked.

“Enough about me. Tell me about your friends. You said you came with friends from your new school right?”

“Well I’d say one of them is actually who I’d consider a friend. The other one is a mutual friend. A childhood friend that has feelings for her.”

“Her?” it slipped out of your mouth. Haruto’s smirk reappeared and his eyebrow jumped up when he looked at you. You looked away, what was this funny feeling in your chest? It was weird.

“Our school had this transfer student program and she just happened to be assigned to me. She’s really cool, I’m not into her like that and she’s not really into me like that. She likes her friend.”

“How do you know?”

“She told me.”

“Oh. That feels like something important. Like a secret.”

“Well, I told her a secret as well.”

You stared at him. He didn’t indulge in the secret. Haruto was wholly focused on sipping the last of his Coca-Cola before putting it down on the table and letting out a sigh.

“Well so what’s going on with them now?” You asked.

“Hopefully, they both pull their heads out of their asses tonight. I gave them time alone so the best case scenario is that they just talk it out. The dude, Jeongwoo, I actually met him for the first time tonight and he’s a cool dude. It would be nice to have more dude friends around here.”

“You don’t have any guy friends?”

“I do. There are 3 other transfer students from Japan and they’re all dudes and I’m friends with them. Actually, Americans like to play this sport. Lacrosse? My friend told me to try out for the team and I think I might. Mashi, Asahi, and Yoshi agreed to try-out as well so it’ll be fun.”

You nodded, you had no idea what lacrosse was and you didn’t think you would be that interested to learn either. “I should get home.”

“Right of course.” Haruto said, getting up. “Where are you headed? Let me call you an Uber.”

“No, it’s okay. I can actually walk back home from here.”

“Oh really? Well, at least let me walk you back.”

You hesitated for a second. Would it be smart to show this guy where you lived? But then you shook it off, he seemed pretty harmless throughout the night and you trusted that he knew you from school in Japan. So you agreed.

“Do you have to be home-schooled?” Haruto asked.

“No, I don’t think so.” you answered.

“Would you be interested in attending school in person again?” Haruto could feel the devil on his shoulder kicking him. What was he doing? He had already gone to school with you before and the fact that you always did just a smidge better than him drove him nuts.

“Um, I haven’t really thought about it. Why?”

“You should consider transferring to my school?”

Your eyebrows shot up. “What?”

Haruto stepped back a bit and raised his hands. “It was just a suggestion. Honestly, I struggled a bit when I first came here. I can’t imagine how lonely it must be to be here and just be home-schooled so I figured it might be nice to have some sense of community.”

“Um, I’ll think about it.” You weren’t going to think about it. You looked up and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the familiar apartment complex. “This is me. You don’t have to walk in with me. I’m gonna go now.”

“Wait.” Haruto said. You turned around to look at him, a thin smile on your face. “I, uh, I had fun.”

“Yeah, this was nice.” You said truthfully.

“We should do it again sometime.” Haruto said. You stared at him, he looked perfectly composed to you. But his heart was practically beating so hard he thought it might fall out of his chest.

“Honestly, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

Haruto felt a heat and anger flare up in his chest. But he did his best to tamp it down and get it under control. This was literally the first time you had acknowledged his presence. He put a smile on his face. “Well, then maybe we’ll just run into each other again sometime.”

“Maybe, it’s all up to fate now. Good night Haruto.”

“Good night Y/N.”

The second you made it back into your room you pulled out your diary. You scribbled the notes you had logged into your phone throughout the day as quickly as possible. Briefly reliving each moment as you wrote them down. By the time you had gotten to the end of the list and began to recount the concert you could feel your eyelids getting heavier and heavier and your hands writing more and more frantically until suddenly, you crashed.

The next morning you woke up and read your notes. You squinted at the last thing you had written. Your handwriting became illegible near the end. ‘Haruto?’

The next morning Haruto woke up and smiled at the memory of you. Asahi and Mashiho eyed their roommate as he pranced around the living room and kitchen smiling and singing. But nothing could bring Haruto down. Well until he saw his friend looking depressed as hell.

“Dude what’s up?” Haruto asked. “Did you and Jeongwoo figure your shit out?”

“Uh, about that. Well, no.”

“No? What do you mean no?”

“Well what about you? Did you run into her?”

“Nuh uh, this isn’t about me. You literally had the perfect opportunity to make something of it. To make a moment! Did you guys have a moment?”

“Yes, I think we did. But I got scared. I don’t want to lose Jeongwoo as a friend, but at the same time I don’t think he has any feelings for me like that. I just, I think I need space. Maybe if I just distance myself from him a bit then I can get over my feelings and…”

“No offense, but that’s the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Well I don’t care if you think it’s stupid. This is my decision and my decision is that I don’t want to see Jeongwoo for awhile. Ok? I’m not ready for the conversation. So you better get used to seeing me more often!”

Haruto sighed as he watched his friend storm out of the room. He turned around and exchanged looks with Asahi. “Did I say something wrong?”

Asahi shrugged. “Honestly, I think you’re valid. I think her logic in avoiding Jeongwoo is pretty dumb. The dude’s in my gym class. Honestly, he’s chill. I don’t think he’d react badly to her if she confesses regardless of how he feels.”

“I should probably find her and apologize anyway.” Haruto said, exiting the room. Eventually he found his friend and they sat together in the cafeteria.

“Sorry about what I said earlier. I’ll admit it was kind of harsh. But honestly I can’t say I understand your logic at all.”

“It’s fine Haruto. You seemed extra happy when you walked in this morning. Who was the friend that you saw at the concert?”

“It was her. Y/N.”

“No way! Isn’t she in Japan?”

“That’s what I thought too. I was so shocked to see her.”

“What did you say to her? What did you guys talk about? Did she recognize you?”

“That’s the thing. The best part of it all was that I actually had her attention. You remember I told you about how she never acknowledged anybody right? She was always reading her notebook in the hallway. In the past when I spoke to her she never even knew my name! She had to ask me every single time. But this time, there’s no way she wouldn’t remember me!”

“Your relationship is weird. But I guess that’s sweet. What does she write about in her notebook?”

“I don’t know. Why does it matter? She knows my name now!”

“That’s another thing. You went to school together for years and she never remembered your name? Why?”

“I don’t know.” Haruto said. Now he was grouchy. All the questions that had been brought up to him were valid, but these weren’t things he wanted to think about.

A few weeks before the lacrosse tryouts in the spring Haruto went to the hospital to get a physical done.

Once he was done he stumbled into a small cafe right next to the hospital. When he saw who was manning the cash register he rubbed his eyes and looked away and looked back a few times to make sure he wasn’t being deluded. When he was confident that he wasn’t going crazy he stood up and walked over to the register.

You saw a tall, handsome, and skinny guy walk up to the cash register. You cleared your throat and stood up straight. “Hello, what can I get you?”

“Y/N! It’s fate. We ran into each other again!”

“Again?” You put a smile on your face and thought of a response. “Hey, it’s so good to see you! How have you been? What’ll you have?”

“Do you...remember my name?”

You felt your heart picking up speed and your palms beginning to sweat. But you kept your composure. “Of course, let me take your order and we can chat for a second.”

Haruto beamed. “Okay, then I’ll just have an Iced Americano.”

“Okay, that’ll be $3.30. The ice machine is in the back so I’ll be right out in a second. You rushed to the back of the cafe and pulled out your diary and flipped through the pages, reading the entries as quickly as possible. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed a torn piece of paper that had slipped out of your bag. You picked it up, it matched the paper in your diary. You flipped it over to see that it had a name written on it. Haruto.

Was that this guy’s name? Who was he to you? Darn it, why hadn’t you written more?

You quickly filled the cup with ice and walked out filling the cup with cold brew. You grabbed the marker and scribbled Haruto on it. You walked back over to the cash register. This guy’s eyes were practically glittering in anticipation. Was it normal for someone to get this excited over a coffee?

“I’ve got one iced americano for Haruto?” you said.

If his eyes were glittering before, they were practically flashing light strobe lights at a nightclub now. A matching beaming grin on his face. “Yes! Y/N it’s fate. We ran into each other again!”

“Right. Yeah, of course. What are the odds.”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Um, I’m working right now. I’d rather not get in trouble. Maybe another time?”

Haruto swiveled around, eying the cafe. “It looks pretty empty to me. I don’t think you’d get in trouble if you came out for a second just to keep me company.”

“Still…”

“Is your manager even here right now?”

“No.”

“Then come on. Just come out for a second.”

You looked around the cafe, cursing at how vacant it was. You tugged at your sleeves for a second before answering. “Fine.”

You followed Haruto out from behind the counter. He walked over to a table and pulled a seat out from underneath the table. He smiled as he waited for you to sit down. You walked over to the table and turned around. Haruto slid the chair underneath you as you moved to sit down. Once you were seated Haruto ran around to the other side of the table and sat down.

“How are you? How have you been?” Haruto asked.

You stared at the boy sitting in front of you. He was so handsome. “I’m doing well. How about you?”

“I’m good. I was in the area because I needed to go to the hospital.”

Your ears perked up. “Why were you at the hospital?”

“Why do you wanna know? Are you worried about me?”

You didn’t say anything. You just stared at Haruto. Haruto cleared his throat and looked away for a second. “I’m just playing with you. I went to get a physical.”

You nodded, tracing the patterns on the tablecloth.

“I needed one for lacrosse tryouts.”

“Lacrosse? What is that?” you asked. Haruto thought the way your nose scrunched in confusion was adorable.

“I told you about it last time! Remember? It’s this sport that Americans like to play. I had never heard of it in Japan either.”

You didn’t remember. “Right.”

Haruto couldn’t understand the dynamics of the conversation. He watched as you avoided eye contact with him and intensely focused on tracing the pattern of the table cloth. Then you would stare out the window of the cafe, it almost appeared as if your eyes were glazed over. “What are you always writing about in your notebook?”

Your head spun over to look at him so fast, you thought you might have gotten whiplash. “What?”

“Your notebook. I remember in school back in Japan I always saw you either writing things down in a notebook or reading the same notebook. What’s in it?”

“Um, nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Why? It can’t be that bad. I promise I won’t laugh no matter how embarrassing it might be.” Haruto said. Leaning forward over the table so that he was in your face.

“Forget it.” You said, leaning back and looking away. You glanced over at your bag that was perched far back behind the counter and breathed a sigh of relief. “Look. I gotta go. I’m supposed to be working right now. I think you should go now as well.”

You stood up from the table so quickly that the chair you were sitting on toppled over. You didn’t bother to turn around and pick it up. You walked back towards the counter without looking back.

Haruto watched you as you walked away. He narrowed his eyes when he saw you grab your bag and walk to the back of the cafe. There was only one thing on his mind as he walked out of the cafe. Your notebook. What was in the notebook?

You frantically flipped to today’s page in your notebook. In all caps with your boldest, darkest black marker you wrote at the top of your notebook. ‘Beware of Haruto. Tall, Handsome. Asked about notebook.’

Then you shut the notebook and exited the back room, breathing a sigh of relief when you noticed that the cafe was vacant once again. You walked over to the cafe table where you had previously sat and picked up the chair that had fallen over when you had left the conversation.

The next day at school Haruto was deep in thought. What could possibly be so important about a notebook? When Hanbyul shoved him, Haruto shrieked as he fell out of his chair. “Dude, what the hell is your problem?”

“What are you thinking about? You look like you’re thinking so hard that your brain might break.”

“Do you have an important notebook? Is that like something girls do?”

“You mean like a diary?”

Haruto snapped his fingers and looked up. “Yes! Exactly like one of those. Do you have one of those?”

“I did when I was younger. I don’t keep one anymore though. Why do you ask?”

“My friend. The one from home, Y/N? I think she has one. I asked her about it yesterday and she got all dodgy and weird.”

“Ah, well. Back when I did keep a diary it held all my dirtiest secrets. I don’t think I would want to share it with anybody or for anybody to know about it. Not even now, and as an elementary schooler I really don’t think I had any secrets worth keeping.”

“It was so weird. She got so defensive over it. I didn’t realize bringing it up would be such a touchy subject.”

Hanbyul shrugged. “Different things matter to different people. Are you ready for tryouts? They’re coming up soon aren’t they?”

Haruto nodded. “Asahi, Mashiho, Yoshi, and I have started going to that gym that you recommended. Lacrosse is actually pretty fun. Mashiho is the best though. Are you coming to tryouts?”

“Of course I am. I’m practically making you go so it’s only fair that I be there to see how you do. I reserve the right to totally make fun of you if you embarrass yourself though.”

Haruto rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”

Soon enough it was the first day of lacrosse tryouts. Haruto had frequented the cafe that you worked at in hopes of getting the chance to speak to you again. Unfortunately, what he didn’t know was that you had quit the job and diligently stayed home and studied.

Haruto was agitated at the thought of not being able to speak to you again. When he tried to sit down and rationalize it himself he couldn’t make sense of it. A year ago he despised you for not knowing his name. You know his name now, right? What more did he want from you?

“Haruto? Haruto! Hello? Are you even listening to me?”

Haruto turned to look at Hanbyul. “Honestly no, sorry. What’s up?”

“I feel bad for how I treated Jeongwoo. You were right, avoiding him was not the right thing to do. But why hasn’t he said anything to me?”

“Look I can’t tell you what’s going on between the two of you any better than you can. My assumption is that he’s a bit hurt and confused at the moment by how you’re acting and he doesn’t want to make things any worse than they are.”

“Can’t you say something to him?”

“Me?” Haruto looked up from his stick that he was re-taping. “What do you want me to say to him?”

“I don’t know. Just...just get him to react.”

Haruto scoffed. “If you want me to do that I can but again I feel like it’s not going to produce the results that you want. Like I think if I say anything things are gonna go really sour so I think you should think long and hard about this.”

“Haruto!”

“Look, I gotta go. Tryouts are starting.” Haruto said, turning away and walking onto the field. He didn’t miss the hard stare coming his way from Jeongwoo. Haruto ignored them and focused on his gameplay. Lacrosse had actually become really cathartic for him and he found that he really wanted to make the team.

Haruto noticed that the coaches seemed to be reacting favorably to how he was playing. He also realized that Jeongwoo was also really good but he played really aggressively, like he had something to lose. At the end of practice Haruto figured his hunches must have been correct because the coaches called him over to speak with him.

“I’m sure you know Varsity tryouts were this morning, all of your friends from Japan did great as did you and so we’re thinking about pulling you up to varsity. So tomorrow I want you to come early and try out with the varsity team, alright?”

Haruto beamed and nodded.

“Good work son.” The coach slapped Haruto on the shoulder. He did his best not to fall over. Thankfully the coach didn’t notice.

Haruto walked off the field and headed towards the school parking lot. Just as he pulled his phone out to call someone for a ride home his phone pinged, he tapped on the notification to see that it was a message from Mashiho.

Mashiho: Haruto have JV tryouts ended?

Haruto: Yes, I just finished

Mashiho: Cool. Have you found a ride home yet?

Haruto: No, do you know anyone who can come get me?

Mashiho: Ya, a lot of the guys on varsity can drive. Junkyu is over now but he offered to come pick you up.

Haruto: Junkyu?

Mashiho: He’s trying out for the varsity team. He’s cool. Kinda goofy but cool. I’ll come by with him.

Haruto: Alright, thanks dude.

Mashiho: Np.

Haruto checked the time on his phone before putting it back into his pocket. 6 P.M. Would you be at the cafe? The last few times he had gone by he hadn’t seen you. He put the thought away when a car appeared in front of him. The window rolled down and Mashiho cheered when he saw Haruto. “Get in the car! You smell!”

“Shut up and unlock the door Mashi.” The car door clicked open and Haruto hopped into the backseat. There was a large dude sitting in the driver’s seat who kept fidgeting with a bunch of random controls.

The guy turned around with a giant grin on his face. “Hello! I’m Junkyu. You must be Haruto! Nice to meet you!”

Haruto bowed. “Hello. Yes, I am Haruto. Nice to meet you as well.”

“Ruto! How were tryouts?”

“They were really good. Coach pulled me over at the end of tryouts and told me to come early tomorrow morning and try out with the varsity team.”

“Damn! You must be so good!” Junkyu said from the driver’s seat. Haruto tried not to be concerned by the way Junkyu was driving. His head kept swiveling from left to right. “Did you guys play sports back in Japan? All of you were insane at tryouts today!”

“We all played football. I think Mashi and Yoshi played basketball as well.”

“Football? Do you mean football football or soccer football?”

“Eh?”

“Do you kick a ball or do you carry a ball?”

“You kick it. Duh. Why would you carry a ball? That’s just dumb.”

“Americans call a totally different sport football. Don’t worry about it too much. But it’s awesome that you guys are so good.”

“Well to be fair, we were told about that Lacrosse Club and we had a few training sessions every week leading up to try outs.” Mashiho said.

“Ahh! How’d you hear about that? A few of us have been playing on their club teams for a while.”

“My friend told me about it. She’s the person responsible for me in the foreign exchange students program. Hanbyul?”

“Oh! I know who you’re talking about. Her brother was a legend at this school. He was a top recruit since his sophomore year here. But right before the most important game of his senior year he tested positive on a drug test and he couldn’t play. It totally turned him, his team, and the school around. He got dropped by the college that was recruiting him. But I heard he struck a deal with a pro-team and I guess he’s been training with them. The dude was in a league of his own.”

“Damn. That’s insane.”

“Yeah, our school takes lacrosse pretty seriously. The best players at our school get recruited to some of the best schools so it’s a great opportunity.”

Haruto knew there were probably more important things to be thinking about in this conversation but he couldn’t help but wonder if he could get you to come to one of his games.

The second day of tryouts Haruto was absolutely on fire. His shorts were shart, his passes were quick, and his steps were light. The varsity team was definitely of a different caliber but Haruto found the challenge fun. It was nice to be able to play with the rest of the Japanese boys as well.

At the end of varsity tryouts the coach pulled him over, “you were great out there today. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling alright coach.”

“Up for a few more hours?”

Haruto paused, but then nodded. He wasn’t in a place to argue with his coaches. “Sure.”

“Great. Then I want you to continue through JV tryouts. Grab some water and then head back out onto the field.”

“Alright coach.”

Haruto jogged out to the edge of the field. He was surprised to see Hanbyul sitting at the edge of the bleachers. “What’s up?”

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I came to watch your second day of tryouts.”

“Are you sure you’re here to watch me?”

“Shut up. Why are you all sweaty already?”

“Coach had me try out with the varsity team today.”

Hanbyul’s eyes widened. “Dang, you must be awesome. The last two boys that made it onto the varsity team as sophomores were my brother and his best friend Bobby.”

Haruto shrugged. “The game is fun. It would be awesome to play on varsity.”

The coach blew his whistle, signalling all the players to come back out onto the field. Haruto turned around and gathered around. Every so often throughout the day Haruto ran back to the bleachers where Hanbyul sat. His bag was stowed away there as was his secret stash of Coca-Cola. It probably wasn’t smart to be drinking Coke in the middle of tryouts but every so often he needed a pick-me-up.

“You need to quash that habit.”

“Yeah yeah.”

At the end of the day the coach told Haruto to wait for him inside his office. So Haruto did just that.

“So what’d you think about tryouts today?” Coach asked.

“It was intense.”

“Yeah, what did you think of the way the varsity team played?”

“They were quicker, sharper, and more nimble.”

“Good observation. Do you think you were good enough to play on their level?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then answer me another question. If you had to pick another player from the JV tryouts today to pull up to Varsity who would you pick?”

Haruto thought about it for a second. The answer was obvious. The only other person who seemed to put up a fight with him was “Jeongwoo.”

“Good guess.” The coach laughed. “I don’t know what they feed you kids in Japan. But all four of you are good.”

There was a knock on the door. Haruto turned around to see Jeongwoo. He smirked when he saw the sour expression on Jeongwoo’s face. But it was gone once he had walked into the room and stood adjacent to Haruto.

“The two of you have demonstrated amazing capabilities and I am considering pulling one of you up to the varsity team. Take this opportunity seriously. Tomorrow is the last day of tryouts.”

The last place Haruto expected to run into you was at the hospital. The last thing you were expecting at the hospital was for a dude to come up behind you and scare you. It was horrible, you can’t remember the last time you screamed so loudly, let alone at a public place.

“What are you doing here Y/N?”

“Uh, I’m-” you hesitated, trying to craft an answer that was vague enough that you wouldn’t have to tell the whole truth but not vague enough that he wouldn’t continue to ask questions. But thankfully Haruto seemed to take it upon himself to fill the silence.

“Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I totally misjudged you when I first met you? In fact, I thought I hated you.”

Alarm bells went off in your head. Was it normal for a person to come to you and tell you they hated you? “Uh, thanks?”

But Haruto continued. “But I wanted to say I totally read you wrong. You’re actually really cool. And I wanted to say thank you. For remembering my name.”

That was the first time someone had ever said that to you. You stared at him blankly unsure of how to respond.

“Haruto! Haruto! Haruto! Please report to waiting room 105, the doctor is ready for you now.” The voice over the loudspeaker belted.

“Well, that’s me.” Haruto said with a soft smile on his face. He got up and waved goodbye to you before heading to the back of the office.

Once he was safely out of sight you pulled out your notebook. Your face paled once you flipped through it a few times. You thought about what to do. What did this guy want? You wrote out all these questions in your notebook. Then you came to a conclusion of what to do and wrote that down in your notebook as well.

You ripped out a piece of paper from your notebook and scribbled your number on it. Then got up to the receptionist desk. “Hi, I don’t know if you’re allowed to do this. But when that guy Haruto comes out. Would you mind giving him this?”

You handed the sheet of paper over to her, the receptionist gave you a look and then a wink before accepting the sheet of paper. You figured that meant she accepted, so you waved goodbye and left the hospital.

“Excuse me sir!” The receptionist lady called out to Haruto as he was about to head out of the doctor’s office. What felt and looked like a nasty possible sprain on the lacrosse field just turned out to be a measly bruise.

Haruto approached the reception desk. “There was a young lady earlier. She asked me to give this to you before you leave.”

Haruto looked at the slip of paper. His eyes widened into the size of large gumballs when he realized what was on it. He felt like his heart would explode. But then his mind pumped the brakes, he wasn’t ungrateful, but why did you give him your number?

On the way back home you second guessed your decision at least 30 times. Why did you give him your number? The only reason you could think of was that you didn’t want to not know the guy. Contrary to what your mind and your diary told you. Your heart didn’t want to give him up. Maybe it was selfish and confusing, who knew? But who cared?

Haruto’s excitement was cut short when he finished punching your number into his contacts. Before he could even send a message to you, his phone rang. Hanbyul.

“Hey Hanbyul, what’s up?”

Haruto became alarmed when he heard a sniff and a muffled sob. “Haruto, I miss him.”

Haruto sighed. “He’ll come around soon.”

“Is there nothing you can do to make him come around sooner?”

“Hanbyul. If all goes well he’s going to be my teammate. Plus, what could I possibly say to change things?”

“I don’t know. He probably thinks there’s something going on between us.”

Haruto paused. “Is that why you’re friends with me?”

“No, no I swear it’s not. You’re an amazing person and you’ve been an amazing friend.”

“Hanbyul.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t like what you’re asking me to do. But you are my friend. If you’re really sure this is the way you want to go about it.”

“I’m- I’m not sure. I just need things to change.”

On the third day of tryouts Haruto was in a funk. And it showed. The events of yesterday night haunted him, he was happy to see you but he was sorry for Hanbyul. Haruto didn’t really like to fight with anybody, but he found her requests unreasonable and the questions she asked about you probing and uncomfortable.

It seemed as if Jeongwoo was the same way. Haruto gave into the niggling voice inside his head and said probably he shouldn’t have said. “You’re gonna lose your girl to me and now you’re gonna lose your spot on the team to me?”

It pushed Jeongwoo off the edge and the two of them went at it. Haruto played ferociously and aggressively. As did Jeongwoo. The game ended when Jeongwoo illegally body checked Haruto.

“Dude what the hell is your problem?”

“No, what’s your problem? Your comment back there? Absolutely uncalled for.”

Valid. But Haruto wasn’t going to admit that. “Please. Pull your head out of your ass. You’re hurting your friend. Talk to her.”

Haruto stood by as he and Jeongwoo got scolded for their behavior. Eventually, tryouts ended with neither one ending up on the varsity team. Haruto knew he probably should have been more bothered but he wasn’t. He had other things on his mind.

When Haruto exited the office he saw Hanbyul waiting outside. She turned to look away from Jeongwoo back to Haruto. Tired and hopeful that their saga would end, Haruto smiled and jutted his chin out towards Jeongwoo. Hanbyul smiled and ran after Jeongwoo.

Since the fateful day you have Haruto your number. Whenever he had a free moment he would ask to see you. After each time you saw him, you thoroughly wrote down everything that had happened in the day. You didn’t want to forget.

A few Mondays ago, you went to get ice cream together. “What’s your favorite food, Haruto?”

“Me? Anything unhealthy.”

You whacked him on the arm for that.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For being a stupid teenage boy. And because I’m jealous of your metabolism.”

A couple Thursdays ago, Haruto asked you if you wanted to go watch a movie with him. The Uber and the weather didn’t quite work out. “Sorry we missed the movie by 45 minutes. But on the bright side, it’s not raining anymore!”

You laughed. “I guess you’re right. What should we do instead now that we’re here?”

Haruto looked around. He pointed at the grassy meadow. “We should just lay down on the grass and look at the stars.”

“The grass is wet.”

“Look, they're selling plastic tarps over at that convenience store. Let’s just buy one.”

“Okay.”

Haruto paid for a plastic tarp and spread it down out on the grassy meadow. The two of you laid on the ground parallel to one another. Until Haruto turned to you “can I hold you?”

You felt your face flush and you looked away. You hesitated for a few moments but eventually Haruto smiled when he heard a soft “yeah.”

So he moved his arm as you lifted your head to rest on top of it. You curled into him as his arm wrapped around your upper body. Haruto’s stomach exploded in butterflies. Your face was on fire. But the two of you were happy, blissful.

Last Friday night Haruto asked you to come to one of his lacrosse games. “Y/N, this is my friend Hanbyul. Hanbyul, this is Y/N.”

“Y/N?” Hanbyul stared at you eyes wide. Like she knew something. She looked like she wanted to say something but she held it in. You wondered what it was, but decided not to think too much about it.

Hanbyul was sweet. She kept you company throughout the game. But she was an aggressive cheer-er. Most of her attention was spent yelling at the field. Her energy was contagious and by the end of the game you were standing on the bleachers cheering “Go Haruto!”

Now it was Saturday and the two of you had finally gone to see the movie that you had meant to see a couple Thursdays ago. You clasped onto the arm that Haruto had held out for you as you exited the movie theater. “That movie was so good! It was so crazy!”

Haruto laughed. “Yeah it was okay.”

“Just okay? You didn’t like it?”

“No, I liked it. It wasn’t bad. But I feel like there were better movies from this cinematic universe you know?”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Which one was your favorite?” Haruto asked.

“Huh?” You looked up at Haruto to see him looking down at you. You turned away. “Um. Would you wanna come back to my place?”

“Huh?” Haruto wasn’t normally caught off guard but this time he was.

“I mean. Not like that. I just, I don’t know I’m not ready for the night to end and I figured since my place is close by we could just go back and chat.”

Haruto smiled. “Yeah, that sounds nice. Let’s go.”

Soon after the two of you arrived at your place, Haruto got situated on the couch and after making sure he was properly settled in. You had gotten up to go fetch your drinks. Haruto spotted your notebook sitting on the edge of the coffee table. He glanced over to see that your attention was fully occupied on making your drinks. Haruto turned back to stare at the notebook. No. The notebook was staring at him. Haruto knew it was wrong. He knew he shouldn’t peek.

But he couldn’t help it. Every time he saw you he either saw the notebook with you or he saw you writing the notebook and every time he even remotely looked in its direction you guarded it with your life. This could be his only chance.

And so, Haruto grabbed the notebook. He flipped through it and saw that it was very meticulously dated. Upon closer inspection he noticed that each entry was timed as well and every timed entry had extensive details about what you saw, what you talked about. Then he flipped backwards and found one page not like the others.

This page wasn’t dated. Instead, it was titled. Haruto. Haruto’s eyes widened. Every line of his designated page was filled. There were things about him on there that even he hadn’t realized he had said. Why had you written all these things down? All these details didn’t seem that important to him. They were like things that were probably easily remembered. Or things you could ask him about, he’d answer if you ever asked him about.

Just as he was about to continue flipping through the pages of the notebook. “What do you think you’re doing?”

An index card fluttered out of the notebook right at Haruto’s feet. Haruto bent down to pick it up. But in a panic you kicked his shin and as he howled and grabbed onto his leg you snatched the card. “What the hell Y/N?”

“No. I should be asking you that. I’ve made it abundantly clear that this notebook is not to be touched. It’s incredibly private to me.”

“What is it? Why is it so important? I asked Hanbyul what it might be and she just said it was probably a diary. What is so special about yours?”

“What is so special about mine?” you were so angry you felt like your head was about to pop. While your head didn’t pop. Your mouth certainly did. “What is so special about mine? This notebook? This notebook. Is my memory. I don’t have a memory.”

You tossed the card at Haruto. He picked it up and read the words on the card as you spoke.

“At age 13 you were involved in a very traumatic car accident. The accident left you in a coma for two weeks. After you recovered from your coma you were diagnosed with anterograde amnesia. From that day on, you no longer have the ability to make memories. The memories you make within a day will only last until you fall asleep wherein your memories of the previous day will be wiped. Use your notebooks to keep track of your days. Use these notebooks to help you remember.”

You could hear your voice waver as you finished reciting the contents on the index card.

“Y/N, I-” Haruto said. The world seemed grayer and grimmer. Everything made so much sense now. Why every time he spoke to you in school you had to ask for his name. Why sometimes you looked confused or blank when he mentioned something or attempted to crack a joke.

“So now you know.” You whispered. You could feel your body start to heave, your breathing became heavy. The gravity of what you had just exposed started to weigh down on you. “You need to leave. You need to leave and never come back.”

“Y/N. I wish you would have told me.”

“Why?” You snarled. “Why would I tell you that? Each day I wake up I can’t even remember who you are. Why would I have told you anything? Just so you could go around pitying me? Telling everyone else about me? Absolutely not.”

Haruto started to feel tears well up in his own eyes. He felt trapped in his own body as he watched your body fail yours. When he saw you collapse something snapped in his head and he got up and picked you up. One arm held you under your shoulder blades and the other below your knees.

“Get. Out.” you said in between wheezes.

“No. Y/N. I’m sorry. I don’t want to. Let me help you.”

“Get. Out.” you said, barely conscious.

“Y/N. You’re scaring me. What do I do? How do I help you? Let me help you and I’ll leave you alone.”

Your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. Honestly, you weren’t even sure what exactly was going on. Maybe it would be smart to have Haruto call your doctor before he left. “Emergency Numbers. Notebook.”

Haruto placed you down on your bed just as you had passed out. Haruto immediately ran back to the living room and grabbed your notebook that had fallen onto the ground. He flipped through it frantically. What page were the emergency numbers on? He saw them scribbled on the inside of the back cover. He grabbed his phone and dialed the first number listed at the top.

“Hello? Is this Y/N’s doctor? She’s just passed out and I don’t know what to do. I’m in her apartment right now. Someone please come help me.” Haruto hadn’t even realized that tears had been streaming down his face until he saw wet splotches appear on the notebook. He wiped them quickly and sniffed. “This is scaring me.”

“Yes, this is Y/N’s doctor. I’m on my way over. Who is this?”

“Haruto. I’m a friend of hers.”

“Haruto. You did good, son. Just wait. I’ll be there in a second.”

“Doctor. Is she gonna be okay?”

“Honestly I can’t tell you right now. I have to check up on her. Right now I’m in front of her door so you can let me in.” The call ended and Haruto opened the door.

“Is she in her room?” The stout man asked.

Haruto nodded and followed him back into your room. He tried to help the doctor but eventually the doctor turned to him and said “son, just relax. Give me some space. She should be fine. She had a panic attack, something must have worked her up. But she’ll wake up. But, it might be better if you aren’t here by the time she wakes up.

“I understand, doctor.”

The doctor took a good look at him. Then nodded grimly before turning his attention back to you. Before Haruto could leave though he saw a stack of index cards, a roll of washi tape, and a pen sitting on your desk. He was still holding your notebook from earlier. He grabbed the materials and headed back out to the living room.

Before he left he scribbled out a note. Then pulled something out of his wallet and taped it to the back of the index card. He then taped the index card to the inside of the front cover before shutting the notebook and leaving it in the middle of your coffee table. He held in a sob as he got up. How had things gone so sour so quickly?

Haruto walked back over to your room and peeked in. Your doctor was still busy doting on you. So he turned around and exited your apartment. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Junkyu. “Hey, can you pick me up?”

“Yeah of course. Send me the address.” Junkyu said, trying not to be too alarmed by the tone of Haruto’s voice.

Eventually, you woke up. After reading the note that your doctor had taped to your hand explaining the situation you took a deep sigh. What a shit show. You needed to find the notebook your doctor had mentioned in his note.

It was sitting in the very middle of your coffee table. You flipped through the last few pages to read your entries. Your eyes started to water and you felt yourself get emotional. You could sense that you had grown close to someone. You read about yourself and how you felt about Haruto, but who was Haruto? For the most part you had made peace with your situation but for the first time in a long time, you began to feel frustrated. Angry. Cheated of a normal life that other 16 year old girls got to live.

Just as you were about to shut the notebook you noticed there were two index cards taped to the inside cover. The first one explained your situation. It was more or less what your doctor had just explained to you. But the second one was new. You lifted it up to your face and began to read it aloud.

Y/N,

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are the love of my life. My name is Haruto Watanabe and I am 16 years old. I met you for the first time in our freshman year of high school back then when we lived in Japan. We were only 14 years old. I used to be jealous of you, how you beat me in school every time even if just by a little bit. I also resented you because I thought you never bothered to remember my name.

By some stroke of fate, we both ended up in America. Whether by fate or not we saw each other a few more times and met up with each other and I really began to fall for you. You are the kindest, most beautiful, and genuine person I have ever met in my life.

I want you to know that even with your condition. My opinion and my feelings towards you have not changed. I want to be honest with you and tell you what I did and I hope in time you can read this and not feel angry.

Y/N, I did something bad. I invaded your privacy. You see, every time I saw you you fiercely guarded this notebook. Everytime I asked about it or possibly glimpsed at it you would react so strongly so eventually the curiosity of needing to know what was in the notebook killed me. And one day when your attention was occupied elsewhere, I read it.

It seemed like a regular diary to me but you caught me in the act and got upset with me. You explained to me your condition and I want you to know I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry I behaved so insensitively. If I were a more selfless man I would have left your life for good. But I am not. I’ve attached my school I.D. to the back of this card. On it has my name, my picture, and my phone number.

If you ever find it in yourself to forgive me. Please give me a call. I will always love you.

Love,

Haruto Watanabe

You flipped the back of the card over. Sure enough there was a school I.D. taped to the back. You pulled the card off and stared at it. The boy in the picture was handsome. He was tall. His height was 6’2”. You scoffed, at least you had good taste.

You saw his phone number at the bottom. You pondered over whether or not to call him, what would you even say to him? Where would he even fit in your life?

These were the questions that ran through your mind as you pulled your phone out and dialed his number. You stared at the numbers as you recited them aloud again. Your thumb hovering above the green button.