#I also like that I don’t. particularly have any jealousy issues? having lots of different relationships is good for you and it doesn’t mean

[ambagelbraindump]

need to. go to work but I’m thinkin about how nice it is to be a relatively well adjusted stable adult

[kyrieeleisonelise]

Ai + Nino vs Ruby +Kana

The narrative is clearly drawing a parallel between Nino and Ai’s relationship compared to Kana and Ruby. Both involve a hardworking and talented girl (Nino and Kana) feeling growing resentment and bitterness when they are outshone by a newcomer who’s somewhat troubled, but has something ‘special’ about them, and gets favoured by others.  (Ai and Ruby). 

But how similar is the relationship? Is Ruby and Kana’s friendship just as doomed as Ai and Nino’s? 

While they are only meant to be playing roles, it’s clear that Kana does have genuine resentment and jealousy towards Ruby. The fall out between them is real. 

  It’s not touched on much, but it’s mentioned a few times that Ai was favoured by management- Ichigo saw her as a daughter. Similarly, Miyako is Ruby’s adoptive mother, so Ruby does get favoured in the group. 

We are shown just like Nino, Kana is completely outshone by Ruby as an idol. Ruby has more fans and gets more opportunities. Nino and Kana went from main-players to just backup for their more popular member . 

Nino is still fixated on Ai, feeling intensely jealous and hateful of her, but also greatly admiring her and putting her on a pedestal. Kana has been shown to relate to these feelings more and more. 

The latest chapter with Kana playing Nino and Ruby playing Ai shows how the original confrontation plays out.

Nino starts by expressing how lucky Ai is, and how much more popular she is. Nino isn’t initially overtly hostile, but is clearly upset. 

But Ai is very dismissive. It’s not clear if she’s being dense/doesn’t know how to handle the situation, but it comes across like she just doesn’t care. She doesn’t stop eating her ice cream even when Nino is clearly upset. 

Nino gets increasingly frustrated and escalated and says some awful things to Ai, but Ai seems almost completely unbothered, not even breaking her smile. When we saw current-Nino a few chapters back, this event and the following fallout has clearly still deeply impacted her. 

Nino simultaneously hates and is obsessed with Ai. 

Nino is resentful for what she feels Ai took from her, but the fact she was unable to move her emotions a little makes Nino interpret Ai as this almost superhuman infallible being. She puts her on a pedestal. 

Nino was never able to resolve her issues with Ai, because from her point of view, Nino hated and admired Ai to such an extreme degree, and Ai didn’t particularly care at all. She was just a detached being who was vaguely ‘trying to love her’ even if Nino was trying to hurt her. 

But did Ai really not care? Was she as unbreakable as Nino thought she was? Was she so detached from others that nobody could hurt her? 

Not according to Ruby’s interpretation of her reaction. 

With the latest chapter, we have the benefit of hearing Kana’s interpretation of Nino’s character. 

As Kana is playing Nino, she realises that Nino and Ai probably used to be friends. 

It could of just been an ordinary fight between girls, but because of Ai’s emotional walls the argument was never resolved and turned into a much, much bigger rift. Nino wouldn’t of been so upset with Ai if she didn’t originally think of her as a friend. This chapter seems to imply that Nino wasn’t just jealous of Ai, but also incredibly hurt when she felt she couldn’t reach her in any way. 

. 

Nino was deeply wounded by Ai’s seeming indifference to her suffering and to her vitriol. Not only does she continue to hate Ai for hurting her, she also admires her for her skill/talent and see’s her as untouchable and unmovable. 

I explored it a bit further in a previous post, but I think Ai’s handling on Nino’s emotions was due to her lack of social skills/minimising as a defence mechanism rather than indifference.

Will Kana and Ruby end the same way? 

I don’t think so. 

Although Kana is in a similar position to Nino in the recent arc and there have been a lot of parallels, she is a very different character. Nino was a rookie idol and probably much younger than Kana at the time of the argument (if she’s the same age as Ai, probably about 14?). 

Kana is a young adult whose spent decades in show biz and has more life experience than most people her age. Even though Kana has insecurities and can be impulsive/hot-headed she has   had to be resilient to last as long as she has in show biz. 

Ruby is by no means the first person Kana has had to compete against or felt jealous of. Show business is full of competition. Akane is Kana’s main rival for example. Akane has arguably more for Kana to be jealous of; she’s more successful as an actress and she was dating the boy Kana liked. 

Although she is jealous of Ruby, Kana has enough self-insight not to completely loose her mind to it like Nino. 

The only reason she originally expressed her resentment was to help Ruby act (although I believe this was a little extreme and misguided).

Kana’s maturity compared to Nino is evident throughout this chapter with her insightful analysis of Nino’s feelings/her relationship with Ai. 

 Nino doesn’t have the foresight to see how Ai’s background in a children’s home has lead to her developing maladaptive coping strategies. Kana is also able to recognise to an extent how Ruby’s difficult past impacts her behaviour, and has empathy for her. 

Importantly, it’s been established multiple times that Kana’s speciality is acting. Although she does feel jealous of Ruby, part of her knows that ultimately being an idol isn’t her dream. Being an actress is. Kana can never surpass Ruby as an idol, but I don’t think Kana’s true-calling is to be an idol. Even during her argument with Ruby, she specifies that she can’t surpass Ruby as an idol.

Compared to Ai and Nino, where Ai is portrayed as a ‘better’ version of Nino (At least of Nino’s ‘ condensed character-type’ she portrays as an idol).

And Ruby? Ruby is very different from Ai. I’ve mentioned it before in a previous post that Ruby does hide darker parts of herself to an extent, but Ruby is much more open emotionally than Ai.

Just compare their reactions to their friend telling them to die/disappear. 

Ruby does not hide that she is deeply, deeply hurt by Kana. Unlike Nino, Kana is never left feeling that Ruby never cared about their friendship in the first place. 

Ruby allows herself to be vulnerable more than Ai ever could. While Kana admires Ruby, she doesn’t put her on a pedestal, she knows she isn’t a the ‘ultimate invincible idol’. 

During Ruby’s black-star era/rise to fame she was so fixated on revenge that her friendship with Kana and Mem fell on the wayside, but it was clear she still cared about them.

The lead up to Ruby and Kana’s argument is complete different. Instead of being on completely opposite ends of the emotional spectrum, they’re both emphasising with each other; Ruby is worried how her performance will impact Kana’s career, and Kana understand Ruby’s desperation to do well in the movie.  

I don’t know if Kana and Ruby will make up in the next chapter or if this argument is going to continue on. Ruby doesn’t seem to be in the best mental state, so she may not be ready to make amends with Kana immediately. 

I have a feeling the emotions of the characters is going to continue to run parallel to the emotions of who they’re playing in the script. 

But ultimately, I don’t think Ruby and Kana are doomed to follow in Ai and Nino’s footsteps. They are both different people.

I also wonder if Nino and Ai’s relationship would of ended differently if Ai hadn’t been killed. I think Ai matured a lot from her argument with Nino (14) compared to when she had her babies (16). If she hadn’t died, maybe Ai could of matured enough to communicate with Nino and Nino could of matured enough to understand Ai.

This is pure speculation, but I think Ai’s death traumatised Nino to the extent she is frozen in time, unable to move past her childish view of Ai as the perfect idol. A former friend who you wished dead actually getting killed has to be pretty traumatic (and of course, there’s always the possibility of Nino being involved in Ai’s murder which is another can of worms/ ) 

[harryforvogue]

...Ready For It? (Harry and Fleur’s Christmas Blurb)*

HELLOOOO welcome to what i think is the best fic for the Christmas Celebration so far!!!

first things first, a few content warnings: this fic has a LOT of smut. fleur and harry are very vicious to each other sometimes through words, but they also...like..,manhandle each other. they’re spies and well trained in combat. though they can get physical, they would never ACTUALLY hurt each other. they both know the other person can handle it. so don’t yell at me about it ok

also, this fic has nothing to do with christmas because neither harry or fleur care much about it. 

5.5k words. i wrote nearly all of this in one night. HAPPY READING.

ko-fi

***

For the third time that day, Fleur has to hold herself back from punching her boyfriend in his smug little face. There isn’t any particularly annoying thing about him today, everything he’s doing has been done previously in the past, but why is it irritating her so much now?

And when it dawns on her, she only wants to press her knife to his neck even more violently. It’s because of the way he’s training the new recruits. With his hands on their waists, arms, shoulders. The way he murmurs in their ear, how he tells them to hold the weapon more tightly. That’s the issue. Fleur is jealous.

She nearly hurls at the idea. A year ago, she would have laughed in your face if you told her she’d be getting jealous over the attention her rival gives his crew. She would have probably kneed you in the guts right afterwards. She doesn’t like the feeling that travels through her body at the sight in front of her, Harry dangerously close to the person he’s training. If she steps closer, she’ll hear that Harry’s only telling the woman things about combat and the differences between hand to hand combat versus fighting with a weapon, but she’s frozen to her place off to the side in Harry’s gym.

Harry’s eyes flicker over to hers suddenly, over the other woman’s head. His eyebrows raise in a silent question before he pats the woman on the back, says something to her, and then walks towards Fleur.

He stops in front of her, rolling his sleeves higher above his bicep. “I didn’t call you over to ogle at me,” he says cheerfully, reaching for her. Fleur steps away and he frowns. “What? What is it?”

“Nothing,” Fleur answers, going back to what she was doing before she started brewing with anger looking at Harry across the gym. She’s rewrapping her bandaged elbow, the bruise from her last mission pulsing with pain.

Harry takes the bandage from her and begins to bind her arm for her. “Alright,” he says, tugging the bandage tightly so it rests snugly against her. “If you’re in pain, you don’t have to do this for me.”

“Wasn’t doing it for you,” she says, wincing when he yanks a little too hard. “I have some of my crew here too. Your gym is just bigger than mine. And it doesn’t hurt anymore. I just don’t want people asking me about it.”

Harry finishes the binding and then holds her wrist, tugging her closer. Everyone seems to look away, more interested in their workout and training than the two rivals, especially when Harry holds her jaw with his free hand, raising her head to align their eyes. “Is that the only reason you’re here, darling? I invited you over because I haven’t seen you all week.”

Her jaw tenses, eyes blazing with heat. “I’m only here for your gym.”

“You’re telling me that you’re here solely to use my equipment? Not to see me?”

“I’m not here for you.”

A small smile curves at his lips. His hair slightly falls into his eyes and it takes all her willpower not to brush it away. “You’re telling me,” he says softly, “that you’re not getting jealous, standing here, watching me train my crew?”

Fleur takes pride in a lot of her qualities. Her resilience, her stubbornness. But one thing she doesn’t have is patience. Not with Harry at least. Her hand twitches.

“Don’t,” he suddenly says, eyes narrowing into green slits. “Don’t you dare swing at me, Fleur.”

Is her jealousy that obvious? How embarrassing.

She doesn’t swing at him, no matter how much she’d like to. Instead, she breaks her wrist of his hold, ignoring the fleeting glimmer of concern in his eyes at her injured arm. “I am not jealous,” she grits through her teeth. “Go finish training.”

Harry’s eyebrows raise as he takes a step back. “Fine. Don’t strain your arm too much.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Harry’s own jaw tightens with a lack of patience and then he takes a deep breath, stepping away.

As she admires his back muscles showing through his tight shirt, she’s overcome with the emotion that she’s been trying to swallow for a long, long time. They’ve only been together for a while and she’s not ready to say the 3 words to him yet, but she feels genuine jealousy when he returns to the other woman, smiling, asking her how she’s doing with the advice he’s given her. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He didn’t have to return to that woman. At least a dozen other people are in the gym, practicing their combat skills.

Fleur turns away after that, reaching for her boxing gloves. It may not be the best form of exercise to accompany her injury, but it’ll get her to the other side of the gym, away from him.

***

Harry shows his face half an hour later, leaning against one of the punching bags.

“Get out,” she says without looking at him, removing her gloves. She’s breathing heavily having just gone hard on the bags. “I don’t want to see you right now.”

Though she’s not looking at him, she knows her words affect him, his jaw most likely tense and his eyes threatening.

She carries on, wiping her sweat and drinking water as if he’s not there.

“The training is over,” he tells her. “Let’s head upstairs.”

“Fuck off.”

There’s a bit of silence and she finally looks at Harry. His face has hardened and he looks down his nose at her with something swirling in his eyes that makes her a bit more annoyed. He looks determined.

“Come here,” he commands.

She goes to walk around him. “No.”

Harry suddenly grabs her face and pulls her in close, looping his other strong arm around her waist. He stills her in his arms with his iron grip and stares down at her, eyes narrowed again. Though this is the second time they find themselves in this position, the situation is much more intense now. Harry’s fingers are firm around her face, eyes darker. “You’re pissing me off, Fleur,” he says, dangerously quiet. “Don’t make me more mad.”

“Let go of me.” Her voice is low and cold. “Right now.”

“What’s your problem today?”

“Get. Off.”

Harry makes no effort to release her or step away. The way his eyes latch onto hers, unmoving, makes her body heat with something that she finds very unamusing right now. Suddenly, under his heavy gaze, she feels an ache between her legs, her breath quickening at the images that run through her head against her own will. She wants to be angry at him, jealousy still coursing through her body. She wants nothing more than to step on his foot and pull away from him, but another part of her wants to stay there, chest to chest with the man she’s been seeing for months. She’s enjoying his attention, but she also despises it.

Harry, ever the attentive man that he is, notices this shift. She doesn't know if it’s evident on her face or if it’s the way she goes slightly pliant in his arms, but whatever it is, she can’t tell if she’s grateful for it or not.

He loosens his grip on her jaw and instead drags his hand down to her throat, wrapping his fingers around it delicately.

When he squeezes briefly, Fleur gives herself away. Her breath hitches.

Harry’s beautiful mouth spreads into a smirk. “Oh, Fleur,” he whispers, leaning in. “You’re so impossible.”

When he kisses her, he means for it to be gentle, but she’s not in the mood for that. She throws her arms around his shoulders and kisses him firmly, her eyes closing, eyelashes fluttering against his. He lets her lay kiss after breathless kiss to his mouth, for a moment, and then he squeezes her throat again and makes her gasp.

“Tell me you were jealous,” he murmurs, biting down on her lower lip. “Tell me that and I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“I wasn’t jealous,” she growls, pulling on his curls. His eyes shut briefly from the pain.

“No? Then why are you all riled up like this?”

“I’m not riled up about anything.”

They both know she’s not telling the full truth. She presses herself harder against him, eager to feel him through his sweats, but he blocks her with another tightening of his hand around her throat.

He chuckles in her ear. “Just tell me you were jealous.”

“No.”

“But you were. You didn’t like my hands on her.”

The memory makes her grow angry again. She yanks on his hair and hisses, “Shut the fuck up.”

“Tell me you didn’t like how I slid my hands over her arms to readjust her stance.”

She’s reaching the end of her patience. She removes her arms from him, spreads her legs into a better stance of her own and throws a punch at him.

Harry’s prepared, catching her fists in his and then her other arm, twisting her over and pushing her onto the gym mats. He holds her arm behind her back and shoves her down, satiated by the sound of her grunt.

“I told you,” he murmurs, leaning down to utter the words in her ear, “not to swing at me.”

Fleur tries to turn and knee him, but he presses his own knee to her back. “Get the fuck off!”

“Now, not only do you have to admit that you were jealous,” Harry says, in an awfully smug voice, “but you’re also going to have to apologize to me.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Don’t be like that. It’s easy. It’ll be worse on you if you struggle. I know you’re smarter than that.” He presses his knee into her back a little rougher when she tries to get up. “Ah ah. Not a smart move.”

“I’m gonna drag my knife over your throat.”

He whistles. “Wow. Probably shouldn’t let you go, hmm?”

Harry suddenly pauses and loosens his grip on her arm. He stills. “Fleur. Did I throw you down on your injured arm?”

“Is the possibility of twisting it any better?”

Harry swears under his breath. He releases her immediately and takes a step back, allowing her to regroup and pull herself back up onto her feet. She makes a show of rubbing her wrists and then, before he can even blink, she tackles him, his back hitting the ground hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs.

Her knife, which has appeared out of nowhere, is pressed to his vein in his neck, her thighs straddling his torso, her entire weight on him. Her hair has unraveled out of it’s normal bun, her face tightening with anger.

Her breathing is heavy, his eyes blown wide.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Styles,” she hisses, dragging the edge of the knife slowly up to his jaw when she pricks him, just enough to draw the slightest bit of blood. Harry’s breath returns and he coughs, reaching for her wrist.

“Ah ah,” she sneers, mocking his words. “Not a smart move.”

“Fleur,” he says quietly, still reaching for her wrist anyway. She answers by throwing her knife to the side and grabbing his own wrists, slamming them to the floor.

“I was not jealous and I will kill you before I apologize to you.”

Something changes in Harry’s face. His eyes, once filled with concern, are now filled to the brim with something she’s familiar with. Arousal. And when he gently lifts his hips to meet hers, she freezes. He’s hard, heavy against her, his face expressing exactly what he’s thinking.

“If you release me,” he says slowly, digging his nails into her hands the best he can. She shifts her hands lower. “If you release me, I will go easy on you.”

“Easy on me?” Fleur growls. “You’re going to wish you begged for my mercy.”

His eyebrows raise threateningly. “Between you and I, Fleur, you are going to be the one on your knees, begging for a single touch from me.”

Fleur leans down, aware of him still pressing himself against hers. She’s well aware of the own dilemma between her legs. She wants nothing more than to press down against him, but she doesn’t want to give him that advantage. He may not be able to hide his arousal, but she can.

“You were doing it on purpose. Touching her like that.”

“I was training someone who needed training.”

Fleur is not imagining that smirk growing around the edges of his mouth. She wants to wipe it off clean.

“You didn’t need to do it that way.”

“I want what’s best for my crew. I will train them how I see fit. And I know you will too. Your methods are the same as mine. You help them form better stances, you fight with them as training as well. You are like me.” He pauses, assessing her face. “But the difference between you and I is that I will admit that I get jealous of the attention they receive. And I will happily admit it.”

“I was not jealous,” she repeats firmly with a squeeze of his wrists. “And stop smiling at me like that.”

“I can easily break out of your grasp.”

Fleur doesn’t argue with that. And before she can come up with something else, Harry proves it, flipping them over quickly, away from her knife. He gathers her wrists, pushing them together, and hold them above her head.

“I don’t want to hurt your arm even more, Fleur.”

She kicks him in the gut and he winces.

“You’re going to pay for that,” he growls. He moves around her kicking, placing a knee on her thigh at an angle that would make her cry out if she didn’t know Harry wasn’t trying to injure her. He just wants her to stay still. He bends down and undoes the wrapping around his free hand and she kicks him harder when she realizes what he’s about to do.

With a mighty shove, he forces her onto her stomach, pulling both wrists behind her back. It takes him just three seconds to secure her arms there.

“I’m going to fucking murder you,” she hisses, though she can’t do anything right now.

He rests his knee now on the back of her thigh as he wipes the blood from his jaw. “You made me bleed,” he mutters, looking down at the scarlet blood on his hand. “That wasn’t very nice of you.”

“Get off!”

“All talk, no bite.” He sighs, though she knows he’s pleased with his work. “Be a good girl and stay still.”

He stands, fixes his hair and then turns her over once more, dodging her vicious kicks as he hauls her over his shoulder.

“I get it,” he says as they leave the gym, Fleur throwing swear after swear at him. “You’re too proud to say you’re jealous. I don’t mind. I knew what I was getting into when we got together.” The gym, she sees when she raises her head, is now empty, as is the rest of his house.

Fleur bites down on his shoulder, hard.

Harry hisses with pain and then chuckles. “Come on, Fleur. You know that doesn’t do anything but turn me on even more.”

“Horny bastard.”

“Proud bitch.”

“Asshole!”

When they arrive at his bedroom, he all but throws her onto the bed on her stomach. The first thing he does is remove all the weapons from her. The dagger in her sock, the knife strapped behind her bra, and the one peeking out from under her legging’s waistband.

“There is no need for all this when you’re at the gym,” he says incredulously, finally flipping her over. He holds her jaw in his hand and leans on her legs to immobilize them.

“I was coming from an undercover meeting,” she hisses. “I told you four fucking times in the last week. But do you ever listen to me? No.”

She hates how vulnerable she is. She hates having her hands tied back, and hates seeing Harry’s eyebrows rise with humor. “I don’t listen to you? I always listen to you.”

“You didn’t this week. You can’t even tell me who I was undercover for and why.”

It’s in that moment that it dawns on Harry that she’s correct. Usually, he would be able to list all her missions for the upcoming weeks, but he realizes that he’s unable to even name the person she was pretending to be undercover. He’s been so invested in training his recent recruits that he’s turned a deaf ear on her. 

She’s quiet for a moment, looking away. “I thought it would just be you and I when I got to your house.”

Harry blinks. She was expecting Harry’s undivided attention, yet she saw his attention on someone else. And it was just the icing on the cake.

“Fine,” Harry drawls. “You’re right. I have been an inattentive boyfriend recently, but that’s not an excuse for why you felt the need to swing at me.”

“You were being a dick.”

“I was teasing you, Fleur. You need to lighten up.”

“I’ll bruise you.”

He can’t help but chuckle, leaning over to press a tender kiss to her forehead. “This is an apology for not paying attention to you this week.” Next, his hand wraps around her throat and chokes her lightly. She whimpers immediately, despite the cool exterior. Her brows push together. “This is for drawing my blood. Which you will pay for.”

Her eyes are wide when he leans down and lays his mouth heavily on hers, kissing her until she can’t breathe. His hands roam over her body, appreciating every curve and dip until he reaches her pants. He begins to pull them down, but suddenly he moves away, giving her a steely look.

“If you kick me,” he warns slowly, “I will hurt you back.”

Fleur’s eyes shine with interest. She raises her knee and tries to hit him in the gut. He catches her leg at the last moment and avoids the pain, but then grabs her hair by the roots and pulls her head back, baring her throat. He bites down on her neck, hard enough to make her whine and swear softly.

He pulls away and admires his work. “Well. I didn’t draw blood, but if you keep testing my patience, I will.”

“Screw you,” she whispers, watching Harry toss her clothing behind him. He lightly runs his nails over her soft skin. Then he bends down and softly kisses her thigh, dangerously close to where she pulses with need. She raises her hips slightly.

Harry’s grin is wicked. “What is it?”

“I hate you,” she says when he pulls himself away. He pushes her underwear to the side and slowly runs his finger over her.

“I can’t tell if inflicting pain turns you on or being manhandled around does.”

“Shut up,” she whispers once more, her eyelids fluttering shut when Harry pushes her legs further apart. He leans down and bites her fleshy thigh, listening to her gasp.

“Be nice,” he commands, bending her knees so her feet lay flat on the mattress. He removes her underwear altogether and spreads her knees apart, running his thumb over her clit. “If you’re nice, I’ll go easy on you.”

“Fuck you.”

Harry clicks his tongue and sighs, slowly sliding two fingers inside of her. She stills, gritting her teeth as if to keep her noises from spilling out. Another thing he hates.

Her punishment for the rude words is a slap directly above where his fingers are buried inside of her and she immediately shoots daggers at him with her dark eyes, the delicious overstimulation makes her shudder.

“I told you to be nice.”

“I hate you,” she spits, wanting nothing more than to shove him, but that would mean his fingers wouldn’t be inside of her anymore, and she needs him in that intimate way. He’s not only neglected her by not lending her an ear, but also with his touches.

And Fleur has grown quite accustomed to his touches after being with him for this long. She looks forward to the kisses brushed to her forehead and the light trailing of his hand to her ass when nobody's looking. She’ll swear at him, but he loves it just as much as she loves it.

Being away from this man’s touch has proven to be more torturous than anything and no matter how much she wants to mouth off, she can’t seem to bring herself to right now. She needs him inside of her. She needs him to move his fingers and rub her against that spot that makes her cry out.

“You hate me?” Harry repeats slowly, withdrawing his fingers and then pushing back in. Her breathing is shallow and he watches the rise and fall of her chest. “Is that so? Then why are you dripping onto my sheets, Fleur? Why are you pulling me into your body like that? Like you can’t seem to get enough of me?”

“I fucking despise you, but my body doesn’t.”

Harry feigns his hurt. He pulls his fingers out of her and turns her over, forcing her onto her knees, her face against the sheets. He makes sure to steady her before pushing his fingers back into her. The pleasure doesn’t last long, though. The sting of pain that accompanies Harry’s hand coming down on her ass makes her shiver.

“You despise me. Is that right?” he says carefully, watching his handprint disappear. He indulges himself and brings his hand down again, delighted by her groan. “Let me hear you say it again.”

“I hate you,” she whispers.

“I want you to say it after each time I hit you.”

“Fuck you.”

He smiles. “Good. You’re a fast learner.” With the last word, he delivers another slap, one harder than the previous ones. He loves the shade of pink on her, but it’s not enough. It needs to be darker.

As instructed, Fleur hisses, “I hate you.”

He reaches down and wraps his hand around her throat, raising her up. “What was that? I can’t hear you.”

“I said I’m going to kill you.”

He hums and releases her. “You know what I think?” he muses, laying another stinging slap on her. This one makes his hand ache. “I think nobody’s ever stood up to you. I think you’re used to being a terror to scare everyone into their places, but nobody has ever dominated you.”

Harry’s fingers slowly move inside of her, gliding easily with her arousal. It takes little effort to find the spot in her that she loves to have caressed, and he focuses on it as he rains down two more blows onto her backside.

Fleur groans softly and doesn’t say anything. He waits patiently and then a small, yet mighty, “I despise you,” comes out of her.

He’s happy that her hair has been tied out of the way because he can see every quiver and strain of her neck and jaw, particularly when he presses his punishing fingers into her. He smiles at the sound they create. Harry’s hard in his joggers, and he wants nothing more than to bury his cock inside of her and make her apologize to him as she comes apart around him, but he truly believes the words he’s saying and thinks it’s time someone showed Fleur that he, too, can be just as demanding as her. Just as needy.

“I didn’t like being away from you,” he says, smacking her thigh this time. “I didn’t like not being able to touch you.”

“That was a fucking choice you made,” she hisses back causing his eyebrows to raise. She has a lot of fight in her. He fucking loves it.

“You think it was my choice?”

“Your recruits do not need training 7 days a week. You should have time off. So not only are you an incompetent boyfriend, but you’re also a shit leader–”

Harry’s jaw tightens and he delivers two hard slaps this time, both that make her breathily moan. Her nails dig into her palms and she tugs on the restraints. “You know, darling, I do love it when you call me your boyfriend. It’s so endearing. And I thought you hated me. How can you hate me if you’re dating me?”

“You’re a good fuck.” Her answer is quick and biting as if she’s been prepared for it. He can’t help but laugh.

“How flattering. You’re not so bad yourself. Though what you lack,” he says, pausing to hear his hand fall down on her ass again, a pained sound coming from his girlfriend, “is discipline. Luckily, I’m an excellent teacher and you seem like a very eager student.”

“I’m going to ruin your life.”

Harry decides not to deliver anymore spanks, satisfied with the shade of her skin currently. He rubs over the tender skin instead, half as an apology. “You already have,” he admits, withdrawing his fingers from her. “Don’t turn over. Stay like that.”

He palms himself quickly as he walks to his dresser, aware of her eyes on him, and removes a condom from the drawer. He returns back to his place, pulling her body closer to the edge of the mattress so he can stand comfortably behind.

“I can’t exactly take your shirt off without untying you and I quite like the sight of you at my mercy so it’ll have to stay on.” He strips his own shirt and then tugs his joggers down, using his teeth to rip the condom packet. The anticipation is making her tremble, he notices, and he smiles to himself. Before he enters her, he leans down and presses a gentle kiss the middle of her back and another to her palm before he lines himself up. “As an apology,” he explains quietly, smile in his voice, “for what I’ll do next, though it’s what you’re asking from me anyways. Since you hate me so much, I’ll fuck you like I hate you.”

Fleur groans when he enters her, slowly filling her up inch by inch. When he rests heavily inside of her, he tilts his head back and grits his teeth, face contorted with pleasure. It’s only been a week. But he’s also been training every day and exercising jacks up his sex drive even more. He’s been waiting to fuck her, and though he imagined it a little differently, he doesn’t mind grabbing her waist firmly, pulling out and then slamming his hips against her, listening to the beautiful moan of his girlfriend as she sighs and trembles with pleasure.

“Fuck,” she draws out, her eyes shut tightly. “I’m right about you being a good fuck.”

His dimples deepen with humor. “Yeah?” He pulls out of her and pushes back in roughly.

She gives him a small nod when he immediately increases his pace, enjoying the sound their bodies make as they withdraw and come together. Harry’s loving the sight of her digging her nails into her skin desperately, as much as he’s loving leaving fingerprints on her skin.

He works her over and over, listening to her cries of pleasure and deep moans as he completely buries himself inside of her and thrusts with a punishingly fast pace. She’s told him repeatedly how much she likes it when he lets himself go and gives her all of him. From the way she’s pulling him in, eager to have him return inside of her with each stroke, he’s glad she’s enjoying it. As much as he is.

Usually, his strokes vary between slow, deep thrusts, and fast, shallow ones, but now, he’s both fast and deep, making sure he can feel her soaking every inch of his dick, and also making sure that she can feel every bit of him.

He can’t help but rain a few smacks onto her ass, groaning at her desperate moans.

“Fuck!” she cries, her shoulders trembling. “Feels so good, feels so–”

“I know, baby,” he says under his breath, licking his bottom lip. “But you hate me, don’t you? You must hate that I fuck you so well.”

He holds onto her hips tightly once her skin turns red, and he relishes her moans, driving himself into her. Though he’s meant to be fucking her like he hates her, he can’t help but realize in that moment that he’s falling in love with her instead, because there’s no way he could ever hate her despite his words. There was never a moment when he hated her. She’d always captured him in her cruel, relentless fist, but he had no plans of removing himself from her hands.

“You’re infuriating,” he hisses from between his teeth. “You piss me off. You drive me fucking insane. You make me want to kill the people who hurt you. I’ve never thought of murder in my life, Fleur, but when I look at you, I fucking know I’d do it for you in a heartbeat. And I fucking hate that, but I love it too. You’re spiteful.” He breaks off with a growl. “There’s nobody who makes me angrier than you do, but I still come back to you. I want more from you. I want to remind you who the fuck you’re speaking to when you swear at me, but I also love it when you turn your dark little eyes on me. You hate me, Fleur? Is that true? Tell me. Tell me you do.”

Fleur isn't in any position to talk right now, but he wants to hear her say the words. He repeats his order over and over until she blurts, “I hate you! I hate you! Fuck’s sake, please don’t stop. Please…please.” She’s on the verge of sobs, and Harry’s not stopping. Not even when she pulsates around him, signaling her release.

Harry grunts with approval and then walks his fingers around her, latching onto her clit. He swears tears erupt in her eyes when he begins to rub over the sensitive area quickly.

“You hate me, but you’re about to cum around me. Isn’t that funny, Fleur?”

“Shut up. Shut up. Don’t stop, Harry, don’t stop, don’t–!”

His stomach tightens, the pleasure building up and he’s almost at his breaking point. When she falls apart around him, he groans and his orgasm follows after, his fingers rubbing tight circles over her clit repeatedly. Her legs give out as she sobs, her nails nearly drawing blood from her palms, her body trembling. Her voice cracks, her chest falling to the mattress when her body goes limp. Harry carefully pulls out of her and holds onto the mattress as he removes the condom, ties it, and tosses it in the trash.

The first thing to go is the bandage around her wrists. Her arms fall to her side when he removes the cloth, and he chuckles, rubbing her back softly. He walks to the bathroom, keeping an eye on Fleur, and starts the bath water.

Her hair is in her face and after he wraps a towel around himself, he gently pushes the curls out of her eyes.

“You alright?” he laughs quietly, kissing her forehead. Her beautiful eyes flutter at the sound and then, with Harry’s help, she sits up. He lets her lean on him as he removes her sweaty shirt and tosses it aside. He hands her her robe, but since she’s too tired to actually put it on, he simply drapes it around her and then gathers her to his chest.

He rests his chin on the top of her head while she leans against him.

The first thing he whispers is, “I’m sorry for not being very attentive this week.” And then he adds, “And you’re not a bitch.”

Fleur opens her eyes and raises her head to look at him. He cups her cheek and leans down to softly kiss her mouth. Between kisses, she whispers, “I don’t really hate you.”

Harry pulls away, showing her his grin. “No? That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Not true,” she murmurs, leaning her cheek into his hand. “I…missed you.”

He can’t bear to ridicule her for that, lying his lips on her forehead again and again until she’s smiling too. “I missed you as well. At least we got a good fuck out of it.”

“Mm. We did.” She suddenly frowns. “I feel so gross and sticky.”

He nods in understanding. “We’ll take care of that soon.”

“You’re really hot when you’re putting me in my place.”

His eyebrows raise. “That’s the last thing I ever expected you to say, Fleur.”

She hums again. “I liked it. Do it more.”

“Noted,” he says, tilting her head up so he can pepper more kisses to her face. “Anything for you.”

[hmslusitania]

Buddie - 68 + 79 + 81 + 85

Don’t know if it’s allowed to ne more than two, but I thought this might make an interesting story 🤷🏻‍♂️

68. Heroic Sacrifice + 79. Anger Born of Worry + 81. The Missus and the Ex + 85. Innocent Physical Contact

half my brain: this is just 4x14!

the other half: nah, we can do something different

Also, this got kinda messy and I’m sorry.

content warning for mentions of Taylor Kelly and past relationships therein

So like, the thing is, Eddie never liked Taylor when they first met and he definitely didn’t start liking her when she was dating Buck and he really doesn’t like her now that she and Buck are broken up because even though Buck had been the one to break up with her, the failure of their relationship had somehow led Buck to conclude that he’s simply not destined to be in a romantic relationship with anyone, ever, which is shitty for any number of reasons, not least of which being that Eddie is, y’know, ass over teakettle in love with him.

whatever. Eddie tries not to think about it a whole lot. It’s fine. It’s whatever.

And he actually does a really good job of just not thinking about it, and not engaging with the thought, and like, maybe he now reflexively starts grimacing whenever a person on a call has red hair and he’s stopped watching the news, but it’s fine.

It’s fine! And if he says it’s fine often enough, he may even start to believe it!

Until, of course, the call they’re on is rescuing Taylor fucking Kelly from a sinkhole.

And he can be professional because he’s on a call, of course he can. Eddie is damn good at his job. And it’s not like Taylor was intentionally reporting on the sink hole or anything. She was reporting on, like, idk, the Los Angeles infrastructure issues -- ironically, not the substructure of the roadways -- and the ground had opened up and swallowed her.

The whole thing was on camera, she really was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and so Eddie snaps into professional mode like he’s supposed to.

Buck, of course, does not.

And in the process of rescuing Taylor -- who is barely even scratched -- Buck ends up falling into the sinkhole himself and winds up in the hospital.

Between them, Eddie, Maddie, Bobby, and Carla set up a round the clock watch. They’re visited frequently by Athena and Chim and Hen and Albert, and to Eddie’s deep annoyance, Taylor Kelly.

And Eddie’s dislike of her isn’t exactly a secret, and Taylor’s sort of the opposite of unobservant or stupid so she definitely, like, knows. Which is why Eddie is so damn surprised when she intentionally strikes up a conversation with him.

And why he’s especially surprised when she asks, completely blasé, if he’s particularly pissed at her because his boyfriend damaged himself saving his ex-girlfriend.

Which leads, of course, to the conversation wherein Taylor reveals that although, yeah, they didn’t really work as a couple -- some fundamental differences at work there -- she’s been entirely convinced that the main reason Buck broke up with her was because of how he’s totally in love with Eddie.

Conveniently, this is when Buck wakes up.

Everyone rushes in to check on him, make sure he’s doing okay. The nurse banishes everyone but immediate family almost as soon as they’ve all stormed in, and Hen gives her well-wishes, Chimney and Albert give theirs, Athena gives hers.

And then it’s down to Eddie, Maddie, Bobby, and Taylor while the nurse gives them all a narrow-eyed, suspicious look and Buck gives them all a confused, drugged look.

Eddie is half expecting Taylor to try something, but to his (...pleasant?) surprise, all she does is kiss Buck on the forehead, thank him for saving her life -- again -- and then leaves the hospital.

It makes jealousy fizz in Eddie’s stomach, but Buck still just looks confused and mumbles something about “I thought I broke up with her?”

And Eddie’s trying not to read too much into the way Buck looks at him when he says that, but then the nurse is asking the three of them to explain themselves and if they’re really immediate family and Buck, bless his drugged heart, goes “Sister, dad, partner.”

It gets the nurse to leave them be, but they don’t really have time to talk about it until well after Buck is discharged from the hospital.

And it takes them a while to actually talk about it, even when Buck is recuperating at Eddie’s house (Stairs, Buck, I don’t think so, not with your sprained knee), but eventually they get around to it.

And as it turns out, Taylor wasn’t entirely wrong about why they broke up. Because Buck does love him. And as a bonus, he’s not opposed to being in a romantic relationship -- so long as it’s with Eddie.

There are Other mashups you can read!

[jypbae7]

Im Changkyun - Natal Chart

- requested by @jookyunz

Can’t remember if you wanted the 18+ section so I included it at the bottom and marked it incase you wanna skip it ❤️

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Aquarius Sun, Aries Moon, Capricorn Mercury, Aquarius Mars

Aquarius Sun comes with lots of intrigue and lots of complexity - like the other air signs Aquarius is very adaptable and tends to prefer an “exciting life” (though earth signs tend to see this lifestyle as pure chaos lmao)

Aquarians tend to be intrigued by mystical things due to their very logical view of the world, this logical side can often lend to them coming off as cold or aloof but it’s less about that and more about their need to rule with the head and not the heart in order to avoid being thrown off the balance that they like (Aqua is a fixed sign) also they do NOT want to be hurt by people so the guard they have up towards the world is basically an iron curtain till they develop enough trust with you

Aries Moon is equally as spontaneous and adaptable but for a different motivation - Aries is bold and wants the most out of life and you can bet your bottom dollars they’ll do WHATEVER necessary to gain the lifestyle and goals they set for themselves.

But since they are naturally social butterflies and genuinely just want to have fun and encourage the people they love to reach for their dreams and have fun doing it, they tend to succeed rather easily since people are drawn to them. - All about confidence, bold styles, working hard because they NEED to be the best at whatever they do, but they definitely play hard too (as does every fire sign lmao)

As much as Aries and Aquarius like change and excitement - Capricorn Mercury does NOT. This adds a LOT of grounding and “tradition” to quick moving Aries and unconventional Asquarius.

Capricorn Mercurys are known to speak slow, quite monotonous and precise which I definitely have always felt about Changkyun. You’re not getting too much fluff or extra words from them because Capricorn finds it a waste of energy. They say what they mean when they mean it and not much else more. But this means they are good listeners and are very comfortable and unreliant on “attention” or “being in the spotlight” giving them added levels of independence. I also feel that this is why they are sooooo unbothered by other people’s opinions and friendship.

Aquarians straight up rather be alone than around fake people. They don’t care if they “fit in” with general norms because they don’t want to be like anyone else anyway lmao and they are interesting enough to keep themselves entertained. While Capricorn and Aries have places to go, people to see, and goals to crush so why the hell be worried about others???

Mixed with the other 2 placements it’s likely that his home is a serious sanctuary for him that he takes seriously. When he’s out in the world doing his busy schedules and chaotic traveling and work he’s happy and really feeding into the air and fire energy. But when he gets home it’s his Capricorn Mercury that is being nurtured and stimulated. He’s going to wanna hibernate there for a while without leaving especially if he’s been gone a long time. Could be either unbelievably messy or unbelievably neat but likely no inbetween with these placements lmao.

Aquarius Mars.... reminder that Aquarius is a fixed sign so this in Mars could mean one HELL of a temper or at least rage once he’s set off. But thankfully the Airy nature of Aqua means you’d really have to mess with him to get that kind of reaction because they generally really dislike being upset. They prefer staying content and neutral rather than having extreme feelings of any kind or it makes them veryyyyy edgy. If you can disagree with respect and if you provide logic instead of ego as your argument you’re likely to get a much better reaction from Aquarius

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships & overall communication style: Aquarius Sun, Aries Moon, Capricorn Mercury, Aquarius Mars

Boy oh boyyyyyy he takes a LONG time to open up to people - 2 Aquarius placements and a Capricorn placement screamssssss trust issues and vulnerability issues

Capricorn doesn’t wanna sulk and talk about their problems so IF they trust you enough to come to you with an issue they want solutions and practical help and support

Is really cheered up by acts of service and quality time - watching a great movie even in complete silence just near each other on the couch in sweats tucked under cozy blankets or getting surprised with their favorite dinner can boost their mood instantly

Aries Moon as I said before is a natural in social situations and tends to draw attention even when they aren’t trying so he’s bound to come off a lot more open and friendly than he actually is. The deep stuff won’t come out till he REALLY knows and trusts you and even then… in SMALL increments

That said he’s a super fun friend to have - down for adventures, actually thinks about and puts effort into doing cool stuff with friends and loved ones

When it comes to friendships he shows care through quality time and acts of service

When he buys gifts for people he cares about they are BOMB - cool as fuck and either one or a combination of the following: one of a kind, meaningful as fuck, and/ or super expensive - most likely fashion, jewelry, something music related, or super cool stuff from his travels

Romantic relationships and preferences : Pisces Venus, Aquarius Mars, Aquarius Juno, Aries Eros

Lmao even MORE Aquarius and Aries energy

Ok into the main meat - these four placements are particularly interesting combo: 2 fixed air (Aqua), 1 mutable water (Pisces) and 1 Cardinal Fire (Aries)

Aqua Juno - generally hints at a pretty unconventional relationship and this can come in manyyyyy forms for the very unique and varied Aquarians (partnership without legal marriage, mixed race/culture couple, could even mean choosing a bachelor lifestyle over any normal type of relationship, etc.) - given that Changkyun seems quite close with his parents and his interest in kids I’d say he’s unlikely to choose the bachelor route.

For a lot of Aquarians unconventional can also come in the form of a very stimulating partner, they enjoy learning and expanding their minds and experiences which is why they tend to run towards challenges that others would run from. I think someone who shares similar passions but varied skills and/or background would fulfil that for him. Aquarius, Pisces and Aries like to be stimulated A LOT.

Pisces in Venus is a tricky placement - can be pretty hot and cold, lots of mixed signals, you should be ready to be stood up or flaked on atleast once in the beginning🙄) BUT if you actually manage to earn their trust and dedication they make very caring partners.

Pisces in Venus is art gallery and museum dates, binge watching documentaries especially murder mystery, and spending most of the summer near the closest body of water.

Aries Eros fantasizes about being in a partnership that others look at as a power couple but they’ll never admit it - they dream of a partner who is in awe of them and their accomplishments but has their own big goals and successes to cater to as well. They like people they can grow with as individuals and as a couple. Push and pull works really well with Aries (and the other two fire signs too honestly) they like the cat and mouse thing and they like to have time to miss & yearn for their partner especially the men - absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Love languages in order from most to least: quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gift giving

Aries is a strong sign and they want and need a real partner who respects and supports their independence and boss energy but also can nurture their softer more vulnerable side and be the strong one for them when they need it

***** 18+ Preferences ****

Ooof this should honestly come as a surprise to NO ONE but damn placements do NOT lie...Im Changkyun is one freaky ass boy

I mean ARIES EROS???? Let me spell that out for y’all: fucks you like he absolutely fucking hates you or ties you up like a present and edges you for hours till you’re crying

LOVES, let me repeat LOVES jealousy sex - whether it’s you being jealous of all the screaming thirsting fans he has or him being jealous of guys getting too close too you for his comfort - he is allllllllll about taking that energy directly into the bedroom ASAP (or a bathroom or even closet if it locks 🤐)

Could and WOULD makeout for hours on end - especially if he’s been drinking

The more you switch it up the more excited he is - with all them Aquarius placements it should be pretttyyyyyy often

Different positions, lingerie, role play - any and all of it excite him

With a partner he actually trusts and has feelings for I can see him being extremely open minded to trying things (though obviously EVERYONE has limits and boundaries)

Toys, blindfolds, handcuffs, whip cream, hot wax, spanking - all a STRONG yes

Get the strong feeling he has strong preference to use his mouth often - lots of kissing (passionate, needy, messy - sometimes more aggressive) , likes to give and receive hickeys, wants to kiss all over his partner’s body and LOVES oral both receiving and giving (and I get the feeling he’s TOO good at that 👀)

More willing to let his partner take control than you might think - he’s not a switch but he just doesn’t think you initiating or “being in control” makes him any less dominant. In fact it’s probably the opposite; you showing your desire to that point actually makes him feel MORE dominant and masculine

Literally could find anyone and everyone beautiful - is more attracted to people’s minds, spirit and energy than physical looks (BIG Pisces and Aquarian thing)

Gets turned on every single time he sees you in the crowd at one of his shows - makes him feel like you are the only two people in the world (drives his Aries Eros INSANE - gets a kick out of the slight power play of being on stage in front of so many people, as well as the secrecy and raw passionate energy of it all)

Tattoos, piercings, colorful wigs, or even just interesting jewelry paired with the right lingerie or outfit will have him 🤯- think short black see-through lace robe with nothing on underneath except a sparkling body chain dripping from your body....yep he’ll eat you like a main dish in .00000000023 seconds

Hope you enjoyed! 💕

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk: Vlive Asks and comment/chat discussions

From @cottoncandykings​: Hello! As u probably know jimin just went live recently and again he mentioned mandaggo and discussing about doing it with tae. I just find it so weird though. I mean jimin keeps constantly mentioning it and its not like vminnies were begging or dying for a vmin live everyday even before jimin mentioned it last year. Even now most including myself dont really care that much ofc i m happy if they do one together. But the way jimin keeps mentioning it is so weird. Like surely if he wanted to do it so badly he could have talked to tae privately and arranged it by now. And if tae is the one that doesnt want to do it then idk why jimin is pushing it. But what was really weird to me this time was that he said there were lots of comments about mandaggo yesterday in zoom call and yet they didnt mention it yesterday but suddenly today without prompting he talks about it. I also hope no one spammed the zoom call chat or the vlive chat with requests for vmin live (i didnt see any) bcoz thats just unnecessary and demanding. I hope vminnies wont demand/ ask for another memeber when one of them is live. Its just disrespectful. This turned into a rant sorry. Do you think it was weird too?

Since Admin 2 can’t type their thoughts themselves, I’ll relay their thoughts to you instead, since they had more thoughts/opinions/ideas in regard to this than I do, to be honest.

Admin 2 is sure that there is a good chance that we will get a vmin vlive sometime soon, which I know contradicts their original opinion and post from a few months ago, but there’s a reason for it. During the zoom meeting between BTS and ARMY they noticed something I don’t think anyone else noticed, or at least neither of us has seen any vminnies mention it anywhere, which in conjunction with Jimin’s vlive today and saying how he’d talk to Tae about doing a mandaggo vlive again, as well as another observation a little while ago, leads them to this conclusion.

So, the observation from the zoom meeting. Basically at one point when the question of Jimin doing a vlive arose Tae looks at Jimin and then he nods while smiling which in turn makes Jimin smile as he turns away from Tae and back to face toward the camera before answering the question and saying how he’ll come visit us the next day. Which he did.

Then the other observation from a while ago, this one being from their OT7 vlive celebrating their BBH100 #1 on June 29th where at one point Jimin says something but slips into satoori after which Tae encourages him to say that again but this time in the Seoul accent, so the way they actually should speak, which Jimin says isn’t difficult but he doesn’t actually end up repeating what he said.

And lastly in today’s vlive Jimin mentioned how he’s using satoori quite often but that he isn’t all that good at doing it on command or at teaching it to others, which is something he’d have to do for mandaggo but I’m sure he’d manage just fine if the time came for it.

Based on that Admin 2′s thoughts are basically that Jimin really meant it when he said, last year, that he’ll bring Tae around for a vlive, that it wasn’t a joke or a way to tease us with something he knew he wouldn’t be able to deliver, but rather that up until this point they weren’t quite sure how to do it. Which sounds a bit odd, I know, but what they mean is that if vmin were to just sit down in front of the camera and were supposed to just talk based on what the chat would give them, it would likely just turn out awkward and weird and no one, including them, would really have fun. Even more so when we take into account how idiotic the chat is during regular vlives so now imagine if those two were to do one together that’s just a casual chat. It would likely end up in disaster and honestly I wouldn’t wish it upon them to read all those awful comments that they would likely get, even worse ones than they already get normally, to be honest.

But now that the whole satoori thing was brought up, and Jimin actually mentioned mandaggo and wanting to bring it back after so many years, Admin 2 thinks that they must’ve finally figured out a solution to their problem, if you can call it that. Doing mandaggo would basically mean they would have an activity, something to do similar to how they did those ASMR videos for the Japanese Fan Club which were fun and cute, and so Admin 2 thinks that perhaps chances are we will finally get the vlive we’ve waited for so long (though like many others I’ve long given up the idea).

Another confirmation is that during his vlive today Jimin basically said that he only came by for a little while since they are quite busy and had to soon get ready for work with the other members but that he’ll return in two or three weeks for a more proper, longer, vlive. So, he could’ve treated today’s vlive as the promised one but instead he saw it more as a bridging one between the zoom meeting and the proper vlive he wants to do, so is it the farfetched to think that he had proper plans for a vlive, like doing mandaggo, but it just wouldn’t have worked out time wise today so he moved the actual vlive he wanted to make to a later date?

One last thing (well two actually) that has nothing to do with this question but Admin 2 wanted me to include it anyway is that one, have you noticed how Tae and Jimin were both on weverse around 3 am (until almost 4am (also both of them posting a comment to some post at 03:41 am KST)) one after the other (though with one day of a break in between them) recently and then also two, that Jimin was up until like 6 am (since he posted on weverse around that time) on the 8th and then during the zoom meeting Tae answered a question by saying that he’d been awake until 6 am the previous day (also the 8th) since he wanted to see the sunrise? Which is also something an anon mentioned to us. Curious, isn’t it?

From anon: I request both admins to please post this ask. So jimin wwnt live today and one of the accounts on twt posted a screen cap of them commenting 'touch your hair if vmin is real' in the live chat and jimin's reaction to it. Now idk if it is an edit or real. No matter i just want to say its not ok to bring up ships in front of the members no matter which ship it is. We dont know the reality of their relationship so lets not make them uncomfortable. Its not a joke. Its not funny. Be respectful the members are real people.

(Admin 1 taking over from this point onward) This ask nicely ties into the last one that’ll be further down in this post since they cover a similar issue of sorts. But let’s start with this one asking about, essentially, vlive comments and the things fans ask/comment, which also ties in with the above ask as well.

The thing with the vlive chat, and especially comments/questions that are like anon said, questions or “commands/requests” about touch your hair if XYZ ship is real or cough twice if you love XYZ member or, likewise, comments such as where is XYZ member or what are the other members doing, unfortunately those have been a steady and unchanging part of the vlive chat since basically forever. It’s been an issue on and off with different intensities though I feel like it’s gotten worse again this year. Particularly if we look back at the vlive Tae did with Hobi and Yoongi and how essentially the entire chat was filled with comments related to Xkook and not much else.

If my memory doesn’t fail me we once even had a situation some years ago (2016) where the chat during Hobi’s vlive was so bad, as in so full of questions about that other members instead of him, that you could see he was upset about it and eventually he handed over the vlive to Jimin, whom the chat had requested Hobi to visit, and Hobi just left. And I can’t blame him for it since the chat must’ve made him feel like basically no one cared about him so what was even the point of him being there, right?

Personally I’ve long given up looking at the comments during vlive because they just make me cringe and feel bad for the members, especially when I think back to vlives such as Yoongi’s D2 one last year where he was so excited to talk about the songs and the process of making the mixtape and yet so many of the comments were just unrelated nonsense and annoying request like speak english or can you say my name or say hello in XYZ language. If it makes me question why the people posting those questions are in the chat, why they are fans to begin with, imagine what the members must feel like, how discouraging that must feel like. After all they are musicians and yet so rarely do they get questions about that. Or rather they do get them but they are just drowned out by nonsense. Which is a shame. And also very disrespectful but any attempts that were made to remind people to be respectful, to remember their place as fans, to focus on the member that’s doing the vlive instead of asking about the others, and to keep ships away from the members have failed because some don’t care and will continue to not care.

From anon: what are your opinions on the Qs that were asked during that zoom meeting thing between BTS and ARMY?

Now I’d like to preface my answer to this last question by saying that by no means do my grievances come from a place of jealousy or anything. I’m very happy for all the ARMYs that won their spot, that they got to participate in the event and that BTS got to see ARMYs again even if only on screens and not in person still. No, my issue stems from something completely different, and I don’t want to say that the system chose the wrong people, because that would be mean and also who even knows how the winners were chosen, if it was pure luck or there were some actual criteria that went into the process, but the fact is that only a select 200 ARMYs got that spot out of however many that applied, so basically for some this was a once in a lifetime chance, right, even just getting this close to asking Bangtan a question and have really great chances of having them give you an answer while acknowledging you somewhat instead of just seeing pure words on a screen, you know what I mean?

Now imagine you are one of those 200 ARMYs and you get the chance to fill the chat with questions along with the other 49 participants of your session and you decide that asking questions such as what it’s like for Jimin to work as angel, if Namjoon ever broke a bicycle, or why JK smells the crowns of the other members heads? Or even worse, you decide to ask about JKs shower routine and in which order he washes his body? And sure, the “fault” doesn’t fall completely on the ARMYs alone, after all it’s the members who read out those questions and not some magical off screen entity, and since I wasn’t part of the event I can’t say with a hundred percent certainty that no one asked any “proper” questions, but if those were the questions that ended up being read out loud, is it that hard to guess that likely all the questions looked similarly? 

Which brings me to my main grievance of it all: have you forgotten that you are fans of musicians and not reality TV stars or vloggers/influencers? I know there were likely no rules for what questions you could or couldn’t ask (except for probably ones that were 100% about shipping or far too personal), but really, you get to ask your favorite band a question, something you might never, ever get the chance to do again, and your first thought isn’t to ask about their music but instead about some unimportant nonsense like the angel question or if they differentiate between the clothes they wear at home and those they sleep in? Like sure the angel one was kinda funny, maybe, and Jimin handled it in a cute way, I applaud him for it, but was that really necessary?

I know someone asked JK about Decalcomania, as well as Tae about his mixtape, and Yoongi/Jimin about Tony Montana (season 2), but other than that were there any other questions about their music? Perhaps I’m overthinking things, maybe I’m exaggerating and maybe I’m the only one who sees an issue with this, but if I would’ve won a spot, I’d rather have asked something about their process when writing lyrics or creating beats or how they prepare when learning new choreographies, what it’s like to be on tour (though perhaps that would be a mean question seeing as tours aren’t really something that’ll continue being possible for a while still), you get the point.

It makes me wonder if it was just bad luck or if it had something to do with how old the participants were (I saw some being as young as fifteen), which isn’t to say that teens can’t ask smart questions because they definitely can just like adults can ask stupid ones as well, but somewhere something, in my opinion, just went weirdly. And maybe that was the point of it all, for the event to be casual, funny, lighthearted, but my question then is when is the time for music discussions? For fans to ask those types of questions that actually have something to do with the boys careers? When even journalists aren’t asking them proper questions, ARMYs aren’t either, so what is the point of it all then?

Then again, after the event concluded and Seokjin came onto vlive he seemed so happy and excited, so maybe they had fun (I mean they seemed to have fun) and didn’t mind at all that the questions were lighthearted and silly, maybe I’m the one making mountains out of molehills. I don’t know, but anon wanted to know my thoughts/opinions, and this is them. Once again, I don’t mean to be mean toward the ARMYs that got rightfully in, that won, and I don’t want to insult them for the questions they asked, perhaps I just expected/hoped for something a little different? And perhaps I’m the only one. I don’t know. 

[thenightling]

The Dreaming: Waking Hours Issue 12

Okay, let’s dive into this.  Today I just finished reading the final issue of The Dreaming: Waking Hours.  I’m still not particularly happy with how the comic handled “true names.”  I feel it would have been more respectful and empowering toward trans people to have Heather BE her true name instead of having her stop the Unseelie from saying her dead name (implying it would still count as a true name).  I know she said there’s no such thing as a true name but I think for a lot of people (trans, or just those that never liked their birth names and picked a different one later in life) it would be better to know that the name you most heavily associate with yourself IS your true name.

Batman Beyond actually handled this a little better in having Bruce Wayne reveal that Bruce is NOT the name he calls himself in his own mind, making it clear that for him, Batman IS is true name, even after he retired and passed the mantle to Terry.

The 1985 Fright Night also handled this with the has-been horror actor Peter Vincent.  He went from saying “That isn’t even my real name.”  To “I AM Peter Vincent, the great vampire killer!”  We never learn what his supposed “real name” (Read: Birth name) was because it doesn’t matter.  He became the character- the hero he had always pretended (and wanted) to be.  Peter Vincent became his true name.  

But anyway, that was all in issue 11.  The True name part could have been handled a lot better and that was my biggest disappointment for this comic.

Ultimately the story had a happy ending for Ruin and Heather realized that Faerie probably wouldn’t embrace democracy (Thank God!).  Though the anti-monarchy rantings were a bit annoying.  Who were they toward?   What reader of The Dreaming is going “Hmm.  You know, America could really use an absolute monarchy right now.”?

Nevertheless Heather remains my favorite trans character... No, correct that.  She remains my favorite original character in ANY Sandman spin-off, period. She’s well-developed, flawed, yet likable. And she’s not a flat, or boring, self-insert.  She’s actually a good character.      

I wasn’t too surprised that Daniel was portrayed as a bit of an ass here but I was still disappointed.  It seems the only writer who doesn’t make Daniel a complete ass is Neil Gaiman, himself.   I said it before and I’ll say it again . I think some authors must resent him because they’d rather be writing Morpheus but they don’t dare ask if they can out-right bring him back in the contemporary setting. 

Also Daniel’s reasoning doesn’t make sense.  Faerie and the Heavenly hosts weren’t angry because Ruin wanted to be with the man he loved. That was happenstantial.  And Heather told him that Jophiel helping Ruin find his love is what enabled him to ascend back to Heaven.  Jophiel had ot understand and learn the importance of love. That was good.  That was sweet.   

The only explanation I can give for Daniel’s behavior here is jealousy.  Daniel came off as jealous and resentful that his own romance in Simon Spurrier’s (Hiss) version of The Dreaming (which is sadly still canon...) didn’t work out.  And he did not expect Ruin to succeed so when he did find his true love Daniel got jealous and spiteful.  That might not be what G. Willow Wilson intended but that’s how it came off.  “If I can’t have love with a mortal, no one can!”   

(Aw, look!  Daniel’s first “You dare!”)

I do kind of like Heather threatening Daniel with the spell that was used to summon and trap Morpheus though.   There is the flaw that Neil Gaiman did repeatedly say that the spell would not if Morpheus had been at full strength.  First, the spell was never really intended for him (or Unseelie for that matter but she used it on the Unseelie too).  Second, it only worked on Morpheus the first time because he was so weakened after the events of The Sandman: Overture. 

For the sake of Daniel’s decently I’ll pretend he faked fear of the spell because he WANTED to be stopped.  He knew he was wrong to try to separate Ruin and his love but he felt obligated to try.  That sits better for me than Daniel legitimately just being an asshole and promising his family would go to war against Heather’s... again.   Umm... Daniel, your family never went to war with the Burgess family.  Morpheus cursed Alexander and you forgave him and that was that.  What war?!   

Ah, well.  At least Ruin got his happy ending.  But I don’t quite get why he needs to be mortal to have that ending.  That feels unnecessary to me.

Nevertheless, it was still a satisfying ending.  I just wish Daniel hadn’t been made a last minute antagonist just so if Heather turns up again later Dream can’t be an ally...  And I sense that was the intention.  I like Heather but this part feels contrived. 

In general it was a satisfying ending though and there were parts I loved.  I love Heather. I liked the use of the spell even if it shouldn’t really work on Daniel.  I was happy Ruin got the one he loved.  I was very satisfied and happy with how Jophiel’s story ending, that he needed to learn the importance and value of love.  

I’m glad it wasn’t cynical bitterness there but actually a show of Heaven’s sense of value on love. I was a little worried this was yet-another story where Heaven and its Angels were ultimately going to be treated as heartless jerks and I was getting quite tired of that in adult comics.   This was a nice change.   I liked it more than I didn’t.  

And this is still the best version of The Dreaming to date.  It could have stood fine on its own without Simon Spurrier’s The Dreaming.  I would have probably liked it better if it wasn’t attached to that.   But I am still happy with the outcome.  Still the best Sandman spin-off to date.  And with the most likable protagonist (Heather) and Casper the Friendly Nightmare (Ruin).   

[kafka-ish]

jealousy is a disease, get well soon | r.t.

richie gets a new girlfriend. she’s smart, popular, and pretty. but where does that leave y/n?

word count: 4,657

warnings/included: nsfw (smut, public sex), cliffhanger, kinda angsty, fem!reader

request: (from anonymous) “jealous richie tozier x reader smut?”

a/n: i feel like richie is ooc in this one but lmk what you think

-

Three months, eight days, and six hours. It had been three months, eight days, and six antagonizing hours since Richie Tozier started dating Vicki Horowitz.

At first, it wasn’t so bad. Richie would still make his usual appearance at the lunch table with the Losers. He’d crack his usual jokes, then be on his way. He’d still walk with y/n to the library after school and he’d still make googly eyes at the cheerleaders who frequented the young adult section and hadn’t bothered to change from their uniforms yet.

But as the days got shorter and the timeline of Richie’s relationship got longer, something changed. Richie’s mouth became less trashy. He found the way his hairline was supposed to part. And along the way, the graphic tees he wore were now button-ups in a solid shade.

“What are you thinking about?” y/n asked. The question wasn’t foreign to Richie, but his answer was new to her ears.

They were sitting in the school library, as opposed to the public one they’d usually go to. Richie’s head rested in her lap; his mess of hair strewn all over the skirt of y/n’s dress—but she didn’t mind. He was sneaking a smoke even though there were no windows and offered her one of his cigs even though he knew becoming one step closer to death wasn’t something y/n was particularly fond of.

y/n accepted the cigarette anyway. She didn’t light it but tucked it behind her ear for safekeeping—a souvenir. Because this was the first time they’d hung out in weeks. Just the two of them; skipping their lunch period in an empty library because who even reads anymore?

“Nothin’ I really wanna tell you about, kid.” Richie stopped calling y/n sweetheart and babe long ago. Icky Vicki—a name y/n came up with without Richie’s knowledge—had requested she be the only babe or sweetheart in his life. And that’s how it was so on and so forth.

The heart beating in y/n’s chest grew increasingly louder because Richie used to tell her everything. Her hand left his scalp which she was once massaging under the tangles that were somehow still soft and lush. His eyebrows furrowed when she started to pull away from him.

“You’re disgusting, Tozier.” y/n then realized she didn’t have to ask Richie what he was thinking about. He was thinking about his girlfriend and the nights they’d shared on multiple occasions.

“What did I do?” He was now sitting up and facing his friend. Could he even call her a friend anymore? When was the last time they hung out? Richie stomped out his half-smoked Marlboro on the rug of the library, not caring that it would leave a mark, with the brand-new sneakers Vicki bought for him. His hands dug around in the front pocket of his jeans, searching for the Altoids container he kept on him at all times. Cinnamon. He downed half the box, the same way you’d chug a beer at a frat party because I hate it when you smoke, Rich echoed in his ears everytime he contemplated the pack of Marlboros that burned a hole in his other pocket.

y/n didn’t say anything. She got up, smoothed out her dress where Richie had left wrinkles, and stalked off.

It wasn’t like y/n to be jealous. When Bill got his first girlfriend, she jumped for joy and asked for her contact info so they could have sleepovers and give each other makeovers. When Mike started flirting with the new girl who moved into the plot of land next to his, y/n didn’t bat an eye.

So what was different this time?

y/n didn’t waste her precious time thinking about it. As much as she wanted to, she didn’t let Richie Tozier consume her thoughts, at least not consciously, during her restless nights and grey days. She assumed it wasn’t worth it to let Richie and his icky girlfriend get the best of her. Because that would mean they won.

The two hadn’t hung out since then.

They weren’t in a fight, but they weren’t on each other’s good sides. Necessarily.

Richie opted to spend the rest of the week with Vicki and y/n managed to get by the way she usually had for the past three months.

“Maybe you’re jealous?” Beverly offered. y/n found herself spending a lot more time with Bev now that she marked out Richie’s name with a red marker from her list of friends.

y/n scoffed and handed Beverly her right hand for her to paint. Jealous? That’s absurd. She admired her newly painted left hand. The dark green color surprisingly complimented her undertones perfectly.

“Why would I be jealous?” y/n couldn’t bring herself to look at her friend. She didn’t want her eyes to give away a reality she wasn’t ready to face, and she didn’t want to find a look in Beverly’s that only confirmed what she was suggesting.

“Oh, come on.” Beverly’s head threw back—a sign that she was becoming annoyed with her friend’s stubbornness and groaned. “Put two and two together. You and Richie used to spend every day together.” Her hands left y/n’s to make a sort of sandwiching motion. “Now you don’t.” They spread apart. Beverly shrugged nonchalantly as y/n started to realize something it seemed everyone already knew.

“I can’t believe you think I’m jealous of Richie.” Was all y/n could bring herself to say. But her thoughts wandered exactly where Beverly predicted.

To Richie Tozier, who was expectedly hanging out with one Vicki Horowitz. They were walking the cement of the strip mall. It was something Vicki did often, even before she had a boyfriend, and something Richie did often now that Vicki had attached himself to her like a dog on a leash.

“What do you think about that dress?” Vicki stopped outside of a small boutique. Her feet were planted firmly on the ground and her right arm was linked with Richie’s left while her free hand pointed to a small, black dress that allowed for practically no breathing space.

“’S cool,” Richie said with no sign of interest. He’d sworn they passed that dress three times by now and the pavement under his feet felt like the entryway to Satan’s humble abode.

“Cool?” Richie didn’t notice his girlfriend’s trimmed eyebrow shoot up in disbelief at the boy whose arm she held onto. “Well, what do you think of the dress on me?” Her voice dipped an octave lower and her eyes had that knowing look they always did before she was about to take a standardized test. Or when they were about to do it. Maybe that’s how Vicki roped Richie into this relationship.

Four months ago, Richie would have never thought of dating Vicki Horowitz. Not because she was out of his league. Every girl was out of his league, according to the dopes he called friends. But Richie never thought about batting an eye in Vicki Horowtiz’s direction. She was a governor’s scholar and the school’s class president ever since 1990. She was also a member of the same student council y/n was on, but to think he could score both of them would be a page from a fairytale.

It was a fairytale the day Vicki Horowitz had come up to him and the Losers at lunch, asking if she could have a word with him, no not you, him.

“What’s cookin, good-lookin’?” And Richie scolded himself for those being the first words spoken to the Vicki Horowitz.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Her blazing blue eyes rolled playfully, and Richie smiled because the only other time a girl had called him anything remotely close to cute was when y/n straightened out his collar and fluffed up his hair at homecoming. Don’t you clean up nice. “I want you to go out with me.”

“What sorta charity case are you workin’ here, hot stuff?” In Richie’s mind, he had every right to be incredulous. Girls didn’t ask him out. Girls didn’t even say yes when he asked them out.

And maybe it was a charity case when, a month in, Vicki had convinced Richie to iron his jeans and wear shirts that were only one color. Maybe it was a charity case when Richie found himself eating lunch with Vicki’s group of friends instead of his—talking about scholarship programs and studying abroad instead of the new werewolf movie that somehow scared the cripes out of him and when Batman’s new comic issue would be released. Maybe it was a charity case when Richie no longer used words like fuck and shit and began popping mints like they were drugs because Vicki wouldn’t let him smoke around her.

His white lace-ups kicked mindlessly at the sidewalk he stood at. He pondered the question even though there wasn’t much to ponder about. “Then I’d say that dress just got hot,” Richie smirked, and Vicki slapped him in the side.

Of course, you would were the words he expected to hear. But as much as Richie wanted her to be, Vicki wasn’t y/n and instead said, “Did you go over the vocab packet I slipped in your locker?

“I got it.” Richie’s free hand took residence in his pocket. He felt around for the box of Marlboros there and wondered if he should light one in front of her. Three months—almost four, he’d been in this relationship, and ever since a month ago he was beginning to think it was one-sided. “I, uh, didn’t get the chance to go over it.” He coughed and looked down at her, not expecting to see her eyes burning through his.

“You smell like cinnamon,” Vicki said. Her gaze softened but Richie wasn’t impressed. What was it about her? Was it her who changed, or him? Richie’s mind couldn’t wander any further—his thoughts sliced by Vicki’s voice. “What’s up with you?” She wasn’t usually the concerned type, but Richie knew she was being genuine when her eyes started hopelessly searching his.

“I’m tired,” Richie lied. “Y’know, we’ve been walkin’ so much. Ye ole feet need a rest.” Richie laughed but Vicki didn’t. She didn’t usually find him funny. She didn’t usually find anything funny except for small dogs in purses and grammatical mistakes.

“You could’ve just said so.” It was one of the few times she let up, but she was good. She was good at a lot of things, actually.

Vicki drove him home in silence. It wasn’t a talking kind of day and the radio was left untouched since neither of them could agree on a music station.

“Call me.” Were her last words to him before he stepped out of her daddy’s Mercedes.

Richie didn’t say anything. He stepped inside his house, his back slumped against the front door as he finished his thoughts from earlier that day in the comfort of his own home.

Why, out of everyone in Derry, would Vicki Horowitz choose to date someone like Richie Tozier? Of course, he’d be an idiot—which he wasn’t (that’s debatable)—to pass up an opportunity to go out with someone as eclectic as her. His thoughts betrayed him, finding their way to Vicki’s long, blonde hair and always rosy cheeks.

Obviously, he’d miss her if he broke things off between them. But there was something else that twisted his gut, telling him to do so.

And Richie always trusted his gut. He’d trust it if it told him to pick C on his math test or if it told him to jump off the golden gate bridge.

It was Monday, in the corner behind Derry High where everyone smoked, where the breakup took place. Richie had the decency to break it off somewhere private and Vicki had the decency to not cry or beg him to stay.

“Hey.” Richie’s voice was soft. His back stabilized by the bricks behind him and Vicki didn’t need to question what this was about.

“Hi.” Her tone held the same solemnness as his. “The least you could do was invite me somewhere nicer to break up with me.” It was the only time Richie laughed at one of her jokes and the last time he would. And though he wanted to, Richie couldn’t be surprised that Vicki already knew what he called her over for. She was a smart girl with a smart mouth to match.

“You know?” He stood up straight and took a drag from his cigarette.

“If you weren’t smoking, I would’ve thought otherwise,” Vicki said truthfully. Just then, a flood of students burst through the doors of Derry High. School was out. “I’m not fond of it, but I’m not going to hold you back.”

Richie wanted to scoff. He thought of the one afternoon when Vicki spent an hour combing through his hair, so the strands laid straight and naturally began to part to the side. He thought of how she scolded his unhealthy use of recreational drugs to the point he had to live a double life. He thought of how his time was no longer spent with his friends, but with her.

I’m not going to hold you back my ass.

But this was no time to argue.

Richie put out the cigarette, barely smoked, and walked away. Away from button-up shirts. Away from vocabulary packets and the debate of the use ‘impact’ in place of ‘effect’. Away from Vicki.

His rough footsteps hit the ground under him with a thump. Richie knew exactly where he was going. And maybe it was wrong that his first instinct was to cross the path of a certain someone after he had just called things off with his girlfriend—ex-girlfriend. But maybe Richie didn’t care.

It took him approximately ten minutes to walk to the Derry Public Library and approximately two minutes for an indescribable feeling to tear through his stomach. His feet lurched forward, but Richie steadied himself by reaching for one of the wooden shelves of the bookcase he stood behind.

It was y/n. As he expected, she was sitting at one of the desks. But her nose wasn’t stuck in her chem book, cramming for tomorrow’s test. It was pointed towards Matt Brimmer, upturned, along with her crinkled eyes and dazed smile. Was Matt Brimmer really that funny?

Richie knew he could make her smile like that. He knew he could make her smile even wider. So, he didn’t know why he was having seconds thoughts right now. The other voices in his head, telling him how inferior he was to so-called Matt Brimmer. Matt Brimmer on the football team. Matt Brimmer with the golden hair. Matt Brimmer the golden boy.

Everyone knew who Matthew Brimmer was; it’d be a crime not to. Although he wasn’t the Quarterback, he was the main reason Derry High’s football team got any of the wins they had. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but his prince charming smile and locks that reminded Richie of that Rapunzel story made up for it. He got by.

Richie had two options. He could go home and feel sorry for himself or he could wait for y/n and confront her after her study session. Was what they were doing even considered studying?

He opted for the second since he had already spent enough time feeling sorry for himself. And one dreadful hour later of mindlessly picking at his shoe and flipping through various pages of children’s books, Richie caught y/n alone, about to leave the already dark library.

The lights were dimmed, and the sun outside had already set. There was no sign of the librarian or her volunteers when y/n’s worn in high-tops came into his eyeline. He was sitting cross-legged, with a book in his lap. But his mind wasn’t on the pages.

Richie’s doe eyes widened under his magnifying lenses when they trailed up the skin of his friend’s bare legs that had stopped in their tracks. y/n was wearing a denim mini skirt in the middle of winter and how she hadn’t attracted goosebumps yet was a question he’d save for later.

“H-hey!” Richie bounced to his feet, standing at his full height.

“Hi.” y/n eyed him skeptically. She was holding a book in one hand. Her other hand was attached to the strap of her backpack.

“I saw you with Matt,” Richie blurted out. His own words surprised him because although he wasn’t shy—far from it—he wasn’t confrontational either. No. That was Bill. Bill would be the type to ask about the guy you had just got done cuddling with at the football game even though he was your boyfriend. But y/n and Richie weren’t dating, and Richie didn’t like her like that. Did he?

“Okay.” Was all y/n said. Her face was blank, void of any emotion. A sign. And her eyes bore into his, the way a police car’s emergency lights catch you when you’re speeding.

She was about to leave, probably to return her book, until Richie’s hand coiled around her wrist.

“What?” The irritableness in y/n’s tone became slightly more palatable. The one word struck Richie’s core and the voice in his head telling him telling him that this would be a good idea was now making its retreat.

“Matt Brimmer, eh?”

“Please.” Her expression grew more disgusted by the second; eyebrows raised; lips puckered as if she had just sucked the life out of a lemon. “You’re the last person who gets to commentate on my love life.”

Richie’s heart panged at the last words. Love life. If this were true—if y/n were dating Matt Brimmer—Richie quite literally wouldn’t know what to do with himself. His face didn’t show it, but right now, he was a guest at his funeral. Everyone was wearing black except him and Stan was giving the eulogy.

Only Richie would do what Richie did next. It was an awful act of…whatever because this newfound feeling in his chest was too much for him to take. Both of his hands cupped either side of her cheeks which were now hot, but not from embarrassment. He dove in for a kiss, both of his lips capturing her bottom one. The quietest moan rolled off her tongue, but before any more noises could be made, she pulled away.

“You have a girlfriend,” y/n said, as much as she didn’t want to. “and I’m—”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re with Wonderboy.” Richie heaved out a sigh loud enough for y/n to forget what had just happened moments ago and raise her eyebrows, only to ask what’s wrong. In fact, she did oh so conveniently forget about his actions from earlier, and her right eyebrow quirked.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked and Richie didn’t realize how much he missed that question until now. How much he missed her.

The color in his eyes seemed to darken—like they were hooded by a shadow—and she was sure it wasn’t the doing of the lack of lighting in the room.

But Richie didn’t reply. His lips trailed back to hers again. The two melded into each other like iron being welded. This time y/n didn’t pull away. She lingered long enough to taste the cigarette he’d hardly smoked earlier and mints he didn’t swallow whole this time.

It was Richie who broke the kiss, only to press one onto her neck. The tip of his pointed nose tickled as it grazed the skin of her cheekbone and his chapped lips felt new and exciting when they left kisses below her ear.

“Richie.” y/n would be ashamed to admit this was something she’d been waiting for. That this very moment was a scene from her dreams that she hadn’t got the proper amount of time to explore because she’d awoken before the climax.

“You’ll have to be quiet, doll,” Richie mumbled against her skin. y/n could’ve fainted right then and there, but she refrained; wanting to experience this moment fully conscious. His fingers found their way to her side, gripping the fabric of her white mock neck casually as if this were something they’d done hundreds of times before. There was something about the way he handled her that made y/n insecure. Just knowing he had practiced these types of moves on girls before her had sparked a light in the pit of darkness that was her stomach. Her hands flew to his cheeks. The pad of her thumbs ran across his pale skin now blossoming pink.

Richie twisted their position, backing y/n into the case of books behind her—full to the shelf. His hands ghosted their way under her top, brushing her bare midsection. It was soft but cold, even under the sweater textile. It didn’t help that his hands could substitute for ice.

y/n giggled—a sound so sweet he’d cherish ‘til the end of time. A sound he’d never heard from Vicki’s lips. Her breath, smelling of lemon lozenges, fanned his face in a hot cloud. Richie wanted more. If he had any less dignity, he’d beg for more.

It’s not like y/n wanted to giggle during this new act of intimacy between them. To be frank, she was…upset. Who was Richie Tozier to leave her hanging for a girl who wore frilly chiffon blouses on Wednesday only to wear her jeans low rise so everyone and their grandmother could see her pink lace thong peeking from them on Friday? Who was Richie Tozier to leave her hanging at all? The late nights she’d spent at the Derry Public Library alone, in hopes the certain someone she snuck glances at during their passing period and her Pre-Calculus class only left an empty feeling in her heart and a rotten aftertaste in her mind. To let Richie know he was the reason for her pleasure and the hand between her thighs at night would be letting him win.

But what’s life without a few losses?

Richie’s movements never stopped—they were quick, but enough to send sparks to the one place y/n needed attention the most. His hands traveled lower, eventually reaching the hem of her skirt that ended just four inches above the knee. Distractedly, he pinched the thick material between his thumb and index finger. The roughness of the denim somehow satisfyingly scratched the edge of his fingers—drawing him out of his trance.

He lifted her skirt—revealing y/n’s ballerina pink underwear Richie only got to see at the quarry. There was no time for them to completely undress—and if they did, it’d be far too scandalous (as if what they were doing right now wasn’t already sinful).

Richie’s head whipped away from y/n’s neck; his eyes frantically darting around the space around them, seeing if anyone was nearby. y/n’s hands once again took his face in them, directing his attention back to her. Richie smiled as soon as her features came into view: black mascara smudged on her bottom lash line and the lipstick previously on her lips found a new home on her frenulum. She was mind-blowingly good looking even in a disordered state.

His hands left her upper thigh—where he had been leaving feathery strokes. y/n presumed he was about to unbuckle his belt. But he didn’t. He stood there, silently appreciating the scene displayed before him, and also wishing they had more time or had a setup more comfortable. His hands rested at the silver clasp of his belt, daring to make a move but also frozen in time.

“What are you waiting for?” y/n sniped, and Richie’s confidence level was found through the roof; like the green health bar when you first slip a quarter into the Street Fighter machine.

Nimbly, Richie’s fingers went to undo his belt and slip off his jeans and boxers underneath. It didn’t take long for his lips to crash against hers. A bruise would be left later for memories’ sake. His tongue swiped her bottom lip, tasting birthday cake in the process.

y/n’s own hands were small, but they made an effort to run through his hair, feeling the left-over gel from yesterday and the abnormal amount of times it had been brushed through. She tugged at the roots, eliciting a groan from him that was luckily muffled by y/n’s mouth.

His hands found their original place on the curve of y/n’s hips. But first, he made quick to strip her of her undergarments. An innocent shade for a not so innocent act. Richie was fast to slip in—not giving y/n the time to adjust around him. She whimpered and he swore he could feel a tear against both of their cheeks.

“You’re dripping.” Richie didn’t address the quiet tears that rolled down the slope of her face, too concentrated on the feeling of something else rolling against him. y/n’s hips perked up, a desperate attempt to meet his; ardent and needy. He took it as a sign. His thrusts sped up, coated in her silk.

The substance shared between them was like glue holding their bodies together. Richie’s hands surprised y/n when they squeezed the back of her legs, urging her to jump up, and stabilizing her when she did. Her legs coiled around his, allowing for Richie to find a deeper spot none of her other hookups could.

“Can Matt Brimmer fuck you like this?” Despite the shivers his words sent down her spine, y/n finally knew what this was about. She had her suspicions, but his words only confirmed them.

His voice was hushed, only for her to hear, but she supposed if he screamed it no one would hear them in the seemingly vacant building.

y/n didn’t reply. She felt her eyes roll back and his hips snap in unpredictable paces against hers. It was rare—exceptional, even—that y/n found release this fast. She could blame it on the thrill of potentially getting caught. Their bodies covered yet splayed out inappropriately for anyone to walk in on. She could blame it on Richie; that she was finally attached at the hip, literally, with her lifelong best friend and not-so-guilty pleasure fuck whenever Beverly and she ran out of sleepover games. Her grip on his hair tightened as well as the walls around him. The prolonged whines she had been biting between her teeth turned into heavy pants—her breath mixing with his.

Miraculous, it was, that Richie was able to remain noiseless when he came. He stayed inside her for a second more, dwelling in the ecstasy the two had shared for as long as he could. It was only until y/n’s eyes greeted Richie’s when he pulled out and redressed his half-naked body.

She wasn’t glaring this time, but she didn’t look happy either. Usually, girls were supposed to be happy after sex. Second thoughts started to litter his mind. Richie couldn’t help but think he came short. But he was relieved when y/n spoke up.

“Can Vicki Horowitz make you feel that way?” Her skirt was now properly covering her thighs and she must’ve pulled her underwear up and Richie hadn’t noticed. y/n left him with a quick peck to the lips, smirking into it as she did. It was dominant. Possessive. The last of what Richie saw of her was the back of her now messy hair when she picked up her backpack and walked out—through the maze of books and out the glass doors.

Richie was in awe. Still in a post-orgasmic condition, his fingers ran to his neck, tracing over the newly forming blemish y/n left as a trade for the dozens he gave her. Richie stood there a few minutes more. His palm pressed against the mark only to leave so his index finger could trace his lips that a gracious residue of berry lipstick and saliva mixture tacked onto.

He’d catch her tomorrow.

[katsukari]

hiii !! i don’t know if anyone asked for that before, but i’d love to request J, N and X for bakugo, shoto, kirishima and denki (i saw that you already did denki for the jealousy one so for him just N and X) if it’s okay ofc. thank you so much, have a nice day!!! <33

Hello!!! No one has asked for these yet!  I hope you have a wonderful day as well! Let’s go!

Bakugou, Shouto, Kirishima, and Kaminari Fluff Alphabet: J, N, X

Bakugou Katsuki

Jealousy-Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I’m a little mixed on him, to be honest. Part of me wants to say he’ll become confident enough and secure enough in himself to not become jealous, at least not very easily. But there is another part of me that feels he’s just insecure enough inside that jealousy could be something he struggles with.

So I think, to be honest it will be a journey as you two grow in your relationship. He probably struggles with it more at the beginning than he does, say two, three years into it. 

So, for a while, when someone looks at you in a way that skeeves him out, or is just blatantly flirting even though he’s literally right there, he may have to fight with himself to not be an entire asshole about it. He’ll settle for a snarky comment, a quick kiss, or flirtations of his own to show that he’s the one with your attention. 

I would love to say that he learns how to walk away and talk about it with you, and he does talk to you about it don’t get me wrong, he just doesn’t really do the whole walk away thing. But he never is as confrontational as he was in the past, it’s more understated. 

When he’s more confident in himself he’ll just ask you if the man is bugging you, and then and only then, after making it a point of showing you were uninterested, did he walk away. 

Nicknames- What do they call their s/o?

BABE. He is 100% a man who calls his s/o babe. There is no discussion here. I will not take criticism or comments. 

Will also do princess/ prince/ your highness esp when he’s being sarcastic. Can be used when he’s being sweet though.

Jackass, dumbass, etc. If you have a problem with these nicknames tell him and he’ll do his best not to use them, but he uses them with everyone that he cares about (at least that’s my observation)

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Yes. Plain and simple. The man is a sucker for affection. He’ll try and play it off as all you, you’re the one who always wants the affection, you’re the one who wants the kisses and cuddles, but he wants his fair share. 

He becomes more comfortable with it as the two of you grow in the relationship. By the end of the first year he has no problem demanding cuddles when he gets home from work. He’s by no means cute or sweet about it, (99% of the time) but he’ll just flop on the bed and open his arms saying “C’mere,” 

Same goes for kisses. Though those weren’t much of something he struggled with. Not big on kissing in public though.

Todoroki Shouto

Jealousy-Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I think he’s a medium level jealous guy. He’s not going to lose his mind if someone looks at you, but he’s not not going to get jealous. 

He understands the difference between politeness and flirting, so he’s not going to have any issues with that. But when someone is expressly flirting, or trying to touch you is when he starts having problems. And like all of the guys I think they all have things that are not necessarily healthy that they get jealous over, and they know it, and they try not to be jealous over those things. What can I say, no one is perfect.  

He’s for the most part, probably going to make a snarky comment, and then walk away with you holding his hand. I can see him being kind of passive aggressive about it. It would take a lot to make him angry enough to go off on someone, so that doesn’t really happen. He’ll probably then check and make sure you’re okay and then he’ll move on. 

He may want some extra attention when you get home, but I think that other than that he should be fine. 

Nicknames- What do they call their s/o?

Love, I think this is a big one for him. Just for everyday use, whenever he feels like it, on special occasions, you name it. 

Dear, for the simplicity of it. And that’s what you are to him. One of the most dear and precious things he’s ever had. 

Will call you babe when he is feeling particularly flirtatious. It doesn’t happen often, so it’s a special nickname that he pulls out when he wants to make you go weak in the knees. 

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He is! I think once he gets a taste of affection he just can’t get enough. 

Like I’ve said before, he’s all about tender touches, and he loves kisses and he will give you lots of them (just not in public). He will kiss you whenever he gets an excuse to, and will eventually learn he doesn’t need an excuse. 

Not very cuddly in public, and doesn’t often start cuddles at home, but he’s never one to turn them down. Nor is he quick to leave them once they start. Loves to hear the quiet rhythm of your heartbeat and to feel the rise and fall of your chest. He finds a great deal of comfort in cuddling.

Kirishima Eijirou

Jealousy-Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I do not see him getting jealous easily, if at all really. It would take a lot, like you actively giving someone some kind of special attention. (He wouldn’t blame you for his feelings though, just to be clear.) 

He just really trusts you and I think he takes it to the realm of not worrying about where the two of you stand or feeling the need to get jealous just because you were nice to someone other than him. 

You’re a nice person. It’s as simple as that to him I think. 

When he does get jealous, the first time he really feels it, I can’t really see him “doing” anything about it. Because once it crosses that line I think we’ll see some of those negative emotions from middle school come out and I think he’ll just bottle it up.  

Of course, you notice and get him to talk about it and that kind of clears the air. He feels better after that. From then on, when he notices those feelings he’ll just take you aside and talk.

Nicknames- What do they call their s/o?

Once again, babe. 

Not really a nickname, but will constantly call you whatever the title of your relationship is in conversation with other people. Like “Hey, look what my girl/boyfriend/partner did!” Just all the time. 

I know I call him sunshine, but I think he would call his s/o something cute like that too. That or some other nature related nickname like buttercup. 

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Hell yes, he is affectionate! He is constantly hanging on you, holding your hand, dancing with you, giving you kisses. He loves it, can’t get enough. Doesn’t care when or where. 

He will do anything to make you smile. Doesn’t hurt that affection makes him smile too. So it’s a win win.  

Cuddles are one of his favorite things about coming home. Though be warned he will try to tickle you. Even better than cuddling though, is kissing while cuddling.

Kaminari Denki- J is in another post

Nicknames- What do they call their s/o?

Another babe. Though I think he likes it because of the classic romance tropes behind it. He tries to be smooth. 

Sweetheart, for when he’s feeling sweeter than normal, but as the relationship goes on I think this becomes more common. 

I can see him throwing in the occasional baby too. 

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He is a sucker for love. In any capacity. So affection is a yes for him. Dancing is a big form of affection for him, and he’s big into cuddles.

Anything that has you close is good. He likes the fact that he can smell your shampoo and feel your warmth when you cuddle. Holding your hand and spinning you around then pulling you in close while dancing in so much fun to him. 

And kisses are always a go, let’s be real. He loves everything about them and the fact that there can be such a range of emotion behind them. Will shower you with kisses at any moment, so be prepared.

[recurring-polynya]

What’s your opinion on pre-canon Renruki?

I think that they already had a romantic or almost romantic relationship back in the Academy, maybe even back in Rukongai, and the reason it wasn’t explicit is because firstly it would have spoiled the endgame couples, and secondly it’s a shonen, so it’s implied.

I think they fooled around when they were orphans in Inuzuri. They grew up together, they were always together in their “teenage” years (however adolescence works for souls😅), I think it’s not impossible that they had their first experience, if just their first kiss and make out session, with each other. When they joined the Academy, they spent less time together due to their different courses, and I think Rukia’s sad expression when Renji leaves for the mission in the real world depicts that (along with worry for him, and maybe even jealousy for his achievements compared to hers). By then I think they were quite intimate, they fooled around sometimes (with the little time they had) and knew the other’s and their own feelings, but never said anything like “I love you”, or talked seriously about the depth of their relationship. If they were “just friends”, as some antis like to claim, they wouldn’t have been so heartbroken, have so many regrets and felt so guilty during their separation. And why that separation in the first place? It’s not a matter of class difference, because Rukia did talk to people of inferior status, like her Squad mates. What’s actually forbidden to people from different classes is relationships. If Renruki was just a friendship, there would have been no problem, but their bond was beyond that. Rukia wanted Renji to tell her to stay with him, but his feelings of inferiority and belief that Rukia deserved better (maybe even better than him) prevented him to do it. Their separation doesn’t feel like an end to a friendship to me, it feels like a breakup. They avoided each other because it hurt so much, and they couldn’t bear to have any relationship other than a romantic one, which was impossible once she became a Kuchiki.

After the Soul Society arc, they got back together. They were physically too comfortable around each other to be just friends, like when he basically hugged her to encourage her to go back to Soul Society when Orihime is kidnapped (and maybe he was also comforting her), or when, during the fight with the Fullbringers, he casually placed her head resting on his thigh. By then they were secretly dating, in my opinion. In the last arc they were always together, it’s so easy imagining them as a couple.

What do you think? Is my interpretation far fetched? I’d like to hear your theories about their feelings, when they blossomed, when they confessed, if they had something going on during their Academy years…

Thank you if you decide to answer!🤍

Well, as you say, Bleach is a shounen, and also I don’t think Kubo was particularly interested in including romance in the story, so I don’t think there is a correct or incorrect interpretation. It’s left to the reader to imagine what they like. I don’t think “spoiling the endgame” has anything to do with anything.

I don’t think your interpretation is “too far-fetched,” although I don’t happen to agree with it. There’s very little to go on in canon, people can fill in the gaps in whatever way makes them happy/makes sense to them. I have exactly 0 interest in arguing with people on the internet about stuff like this. I enjoy reading fanfiction that has wildly different interpretations from my own, I generally love to hear a variety of ideas, although I generally prefer the format of a narrative over Tumblr posts (funny, since I do seem to write a lot of them).

Anyway, here are a bunch of opinions. This is way, way too long, so I'm gonna throw it under a cut.

That being said, you have some really amatonormative ideas in there that I do take issue with. Friendships absolutely can be as deep and important as romantic relationships. I categorically reject the idea that a romantic bond is stronger than a friendship one or that acts of physical affection necessarily imply a romantic relationship. I actually have no beef at all with people who want to read Rukia and Renji’s story as a very strong friendship. I do think it was still reasonable for Renji to avoid her during their separation, even if his goal wasn’t romance. He wanted to see her live a better life, and didn’t want to drag her down. Yeah, sure, if he just wanted to be a casual workplace friend, he probably could have joined Squad 13 and seen her once in a while. But, especially in the early days, it would have been a bad look for Rukia to continue socializing with people deeply below her station, and I feel in my heart that Byakuya would have forbidden her from seeing Renji if he found out she was hanging out with someone from her Inuzuri days, even if it was just casual. Yeah, there exist people who say Rukia and Renji are "just friends" for the sake of other preferred ships, but also, like, so what? Who cares? That’s a lot better than making Renji out to be a bad person or trashing his character. To be honest, I am generally happy to read a fanfic that had some other Renji or Rukia pairing if it actually contained some solid Renruki best friend content (I have found a few 369 fics that do this, and maybe also in the little bit of RenIchi content I have read, so, uh, good job, my gays. This is sometimes touched on in ByaRen fics, but usually not as much as I want, althought I also tend to hold these to a high bar, because if I have to deal with Byakuya in my fanfics, they should have to deal with the Rukia-Renji friendship 😂)

Anyway, you asked for my interpretation, so here it is . These are all just, like, my opinions, man:

Life in Inuzuri just really, really, really sucks, and Rukia and Renji both have a lot of trauma and emotional hang-ups from that time. I think they forged a deep emotional connection during this time that was probably a little too codependent to actually be healthy. They had no models of healthy families or relationships. I also think they were incredibly close to Fujimaru, Kosaburou, and Mameji, and that even if they wanted to have a romantic relationship, they wouldn’t have, at the risk of ruining the more important bonds of the larger group.

In my fanfic, in their last days in Inuzuri, I do have them fool around for a brief period. It coincides with the deterioration of the bond with their last surviving friend, leading to his death. I did this for trauma reasons, because that’s how writers are.

“Communication” is probably the most important theme in my writing, and a thing I bring up all the time is that young Rukia and Renji had a thousand ways of communicating survival-based things between each other, and 0 ways of communicating how they felt about each other.

I did a post on this recently, but their whole gang was incredibly powerless in Inuzuri. They lived on the fringes of society and stole scraps to survive. I think that their number one duty to one another was to survive. In the anime, Rukia swears that she will never leave Inuzuri, that she will always stay with her friends. I think the reason she does an about-face is not just because their friends are gone, but because she realizes that she will lose Renji next, and the only way to prevent that is for both of them to get stronger. Neither of them actually wants to become a soul reaper. They do it for each other.

I think that Renji would have remained in Inuzuri and tried to make a life as best they could, but Rukia knew this was futile, and where Rukia goes, Renji follows.

I think they purposely maintained distance at the Academy. Just as in Inuzuri, their primary duty to one another is to survive and thrive. They were rejected and mocked for their low origins, and hanging out together would have made this worse. I think it hurt Rukia that Renji made new friends, but on the other hand, they were exactly the sort of people who would help him get a leg up in the Gotei. Rukia’s Academy days were very painful because she saw Renji succeeding, just as she wanted, but leaving her behind in the process. Conversely, Renji got super focused on doing well, with the idea that he could pull Rukia up behind him, except for the part where he never actually told her that.

I feel like I’m in the minority here, but so much fanfic focuses on Rukia and/or Renji being “wrong” in the scene where he tells her to go to the Kuchiki, but I disagree! Everything they have done is in order to get to a better life! It is Renji’s duty to encourage her to leave him behind. He doesn’t want to be an anchor holding her down. Likewise, Rukia knows that if she doesn’t go, she’s just gonna be a burden on him. Their relationship has always been about each of them surviving separately over having happiness together. Up to now, they’ve always managed to find each other again, although this kinda looks like it might be it for them. Do these kids need to go to therapy? Yes! Did they do anything wrong? No!

I think about this a lot, but even if Rukia had turned down the adoption (which… I’m not actually sure she could have), even the offer would have ruined their relationship. Imagine that Renji asks her to stay, and she does. Maybe they even get together at this point. Every rough patch, every time there’s money troubles, this spectre of “Rukia could have been a Kuchiki” is going to hang over them. In fiction, there is often an idea of sacrifice being a one-time romantic gesture, but in my real life experience, this sort of thing hangs around like an unwanted ghost. I can, in fact, envision a scenario where this is exactly how Aizen manages to get his hooks in Renji, by offering Rukia an unseated spot in Squad 5, even though she “isn’t really good enough to deserve it” and “taking care of them.”

I am really fascinated with Rukia’s crush on Kaien/Miyako. Bold proclamation here, but I think there is something developmentally healthy about young people having crushes on the older people in their lives, provided that said older people treat them with respect and dignity and don’t take advantage of it in any way. Crushes are, by their nature of being unreciprocated, a safe way for young folks to imagine the sort of people and relationships they want to have in their lives. I headcanon Rukia as bisexual, and maybe also a little bit genderfluid, and she had these two extremely cool people in her life, whom she maybe wanted to be and maybe wanted to kiss and maybe to have a marriage like that some day. I… like to think that their role in her life healed some of her trauma before their death caused even more.

Fully into headcanons now, but I like to think that Renji had a parallel experience, with, of all people, Ikkaku and Yumichika. Like him, they came from the ass-end of Rukongai, but they stuck together instead of bowing to the social mores of the Seireitei. It is critical to note that they were able to do this through strength. This is literally not a thing that Renji and Rukia could have done, but at the same time, Renji sees this as the kind of relationship he wants to have with a partner. He doesn’t want to look after Rukia and protect her, he wants to fight back-to-back with her and then make out afterwards. He’s still convinced that he needs to go through the proper class channels to see Rukia again, but without their influence, I don’t think he ever would have been able to say “fuck it” and turn on his captain during the Soul Society Arc.

Meeting Ichigo and dealing with his unreasonable need to protect everyone he cares about, personally, was also a huge blow to Rukia and Renji’s “I cannot allow the other person to take any risks for my sake” hang-up. Ichigo has his own traumas, which are entirely different from Renruki’s, but the one thing he had was growing up in a loving family. (Isshin has his problems, but I feel strongly that he always made his kids feel like his love was unconditional). I’m not saying that making friends with a shounen protagonist is a good replacement for therapy, but it does have healing properties.

Entirely off-topic, but I feel like Ichigo is incredibly selfish in the way of Terry Pratchett’s witches: “All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!

Where were we? Oh, yeah. I honestly think that it is unknowable when in canon Rukia and Renji confessed. I already covered this pretty thoroughly in this post. I hate the idea that they were secretly dating. Renji worked incredibly hard to get his post and I think that both his job and Byakuya’s respect are very important to him. I do not think he would put either of those things at risk like that, nor would Rukia want him to. I tend to prefer a slow-burn approached, and I honestly think they got together during the 17-mo timeskip at the earliest, and more likely post-canon entirely, although I think them confessing in the Royal Realm is the spiciest possible outcome, so that’s what most of my fanfic cleaves to.

[thelittlequeerpumpkinwitch]

Oh, for the ship ask, how about 💖 and 😒 for roloceit?

Hello this came out absurdly long. Also I started, stopped, and forgot this twice because I had to go out for dinner, and then the new Asides dropped.

💖- How do each of them feel about pet names?

I think it goes without saying that Roman is just about the biggest fan of pet names and quirky nicknames there is. He probably dedicates an entire journal to lists of nicknames for each of the sides, and makes little marks and notes to indicate which ones got particularly strong reactions. This one made Janus laugh, use again. Logan was frustrated he didn't understand this one, do not use. He's a dork, is what I'm saying.

Janus gets a lot of snake and scale themed nicknames still because Roman actually thinks his scales are lovely and wants him to know that, always. References to musicals, plays, and mythology are common place in his nicknames. Space themed nicknames are Roman's favorite for Logan, because they're romantic and fit so well, and he loves when Logan reacts to a new nickname in a way that lets him go off on a passionate ramble where he compares him to the sun and the stars until Logan is beet red and mumbling for him to please have mercy and stop his gay heart can't take this?? His nicknames are often themed around novels, sci-fi, science, and also mythology. Roman will also add specific references to Logan's current hyper fixation.

When it comes to simpler, more common terms of endearment Roman's favorites are things like my love, my treasure, my heart, my muse. Sweet and classic, and letting his loves know in a casual way that they're important and beloved and invaluable to him. As for being called pet names? Roman loves it. He's weak for being given affection in any form, honestly, but pet names give him this warm wobbly feeling in his heart. Janus's casual endearment, like loving Roman just comes so naturally and effortlessly to him, makes him melt. Logan's carefully curated nicknames, that he puts so much thought and effort into because nicknames don't come naturally to him but he loves his boyfriends so much that he wants to try anyway, always leave him beaming.

Janus is the second biggest fan of pet names here, because of course he is - he's just as much of a dramatic flirty theatre boy as Roman is. His arsenal of affectionate nicknames is smaller than Roman's, because he doesn't really plan them out like Roman often does. He'll make them up on the spot most of the time, just say whatever comes naturally at the moment. He's made up plenty of little situational nicknames that are almost forgotten as soon as that situation passes, until he says it again like four months later and it immediately reminds Roman or Logan of that exact situation and they start yelling (affectionately). He has a set of favorite nicknames for each of the sides, though, that he uses most often. Roman is his Prince Charming, his Braveheart, his ... terms themed around royalty, bravery, creativity, and charm. Janus is good at this, I am not. Logan can expect to be flustered with My Starlight and My Night Sky fairly often, and also Sherlock Holmes and references to his curiosity, because Janus finds that particularly endearing about him.

Janus's favorite pet name is darling and he uses it constantly, but he can also frequently sprinkle in terms like my beloved, my sweet, dearest, dear, dove. A lot of classic and sweet nicknames, which again, he uses often because terms of endearment just kind of come naturally to him. As for being called pet names, he's fond of it, and certain ones can fluster him, which his boyfriends love. Mostly he enjoys the simple reminder that he's cared for.

Logan's thoughts on pet names are a bit more complex but hey, he's a complex side. He's not good at nicknames, and he admits this. He's not that much better at terms of endearment in general, really. That kind of thing doesn't come as naturally to him, and he tends to express his affection in other ways. He knows, though, that Roman & Janus both enjoy them, so he does make the effort to use them every once in awhile, to cheer them up or just to see them smile. Because he thinks he's bad at them, Logan puts a lot of thought and genuine research into a nickname before he'll use it, because he wants it to be accurate and expressive and liked. Roman & Janus appreciate the effort he puts into them, especially because he doesn't really have to.

Logan always considered himself fairly neutral on the idea of nicknames and pet names, maybe even leaning towards dislike. He has a perfectly acceptable name and there's no reason not to use it, thank you. But that changed pretty fast when Roman & Janus started flirting with him. It flustered him for awhile, because there's a world of difference between pet names and the kind of mocking nicknames he's used to, but once they're all together they just kind of ... make him feel a bit warm and fuzzy.

😒- Who is more protective/gets jealous more easily?

Well, I can tag Logan right as the least protective and prone to jealousy. Not that he isn't protective at all, because he can and will shutdown anyone upsetting his boyfriends, but he has confidence that they can handle themselves and he's pretty good at being level-headed when he's not, you know, angry. He doesn't get jealous often and when he does it's mostly that insecure type of jealousy where he turns it in on himself.

Janus is very protective once he's attached to someone, and obviously his boyfriends are at the top of his list of attachments. He's protective in the way that he won't let anyone talk shit about them, only he can do that, how dare they? And he's very protective of like ... their excitement? If something is really important to them, Janus will bend over backwards to make sure no one else fucks it up, or he'll ruin their lives. He's like ... moderately prone to jealousy? He doesn't particularly like anyone outside of the circle flirting with his boys, and if he spots it he'll usually sweep in and out-flirt the offender and offer some scathing sarcasm and passive-aggression. Sometimes he gets caught up in the fear of being pushed out again and left alone, and he gets snappy and defensive.

Roman is a lot more protective in the physical ways. He's the one that would start a fist fight in public because someone got handsy with Logan or said something especially nasty to Janus. If someone or something is a threat to either of them? Roman will throw down at a moments notice. He'd take a bullet for them, but he's also definitely jumped in front of frisbees and tackled a wild Remus for them. Jealousy ... that's a bit of an issue for him. We all know his self esteem is in tatters, and that can get in his head and in the way of his relationships. He can caught up worrying that Logan & Janus love each other more than they love him, or that they're interesting in someone else and want to replace him, and why wouldn't they, he's so easily replicable-- Roman has definitely cried over his jealousy before, and him starting fights because of it is definitely a bit of a problem early in the relationship, though it is one that's eventually dealt with because of healthy communication and also therapy.

Uh, final verdict is Janus is the most protective but Roman is the most insecure, and Logan loves these fools.

BONUS HEADCANON.

Logan & Roman both own an absurd, insane amount of notebooks and journals dedicated to a vast variety of topics, including nicknames and relationships and random interests. Janus finds it such an amusing thing for them to have in common, and starts keeping a little relationship journal of his own where he keeps notes of all the little things and moments that made him think "wow, I love this person" and presented it to them on their anniversary. They loved it.

[matbarzyy]

Impossible

A/N: If you follow me on main you might know I’ve been obsessed with Impossible by Nothing But Thieves, so I tried to use it to write a fic. It definitely deserves a listen if you wanna have that playing in the background while you read. This is a best friends to lovers fic starting off a lil angsty but it ends well.

Word count: 4358

.

Love it stings, and then it laughs

At every beat of my battered heart

.

Something was wrong.

You couldn’t tell what it was just yet, but the way Mat was texting you wasn’t normal. He wanted to talk, he tried to keep the conversation going, but the texts were empty of content. It was so unlike Mat that you didn’t realise how worried you were until you tasted blood in your mouth from the way you bit your lip.

He was a ray of sunshine and a dork, always throwing jokes around and acting like an idiot. Seeing Mat sad was a rare occurrence.

You didn’t know what put him in that state but you guessed he needed something to distract himself, so you decided to call him.

“Alright, what’s up with you?” You spoke as soon as Mat picked up the phone. There was a sigh on the other end of the line and a ruffling noise before you heard him.

“Nothing,” He replied weakly, trying to hide a sniffle by putting the phone away from his face. You picked up on it anyway.

“Mat?” Your voice softened and your heart squeezed. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” He admitted, unable to give you a better answer as he lay on his bed without moving, tears streaming down his cheeks.

You took it as a clear no. The only times Mat ever called you to cry were after hockey games he lost, and that was only if he was too far for you to be with him. Whenever he played at home you came to see him and stayed to celebrate or cheer him up depending on the outcome.

“Where are you?” There was no need to ask if he needed you, the answer was obvious, you just had to ask where you had to go.

“Home,”

“I’m coming over, hold on, okay?” You slid into your sneakers as quick as you could, too rushed to undo the laces and put them on properly.

“Okay,” He whispered so low you barely heard him.

He went quiet on the phone and you hung up after promising him you’d be there in no time. You lived close enough to him that you could walk, driving was pointless unless you had a lot to carry. Mat had made you pick this apartment on purpose when you moved to New York, he argued that he’d be close if you ever needed anything, and you had never been more glad to be there.

He was your best friend in school when times were simpler, and he somehow remained your best friend when his hockey career began. Things were different with the distance, but you were the little bit of home he could stay attached to. He had been ecstatic to find out you were joining him in New York after your degree so that you could work on a masters.

Anthony had quickly become one of your best friends too, and you all got along well with Mat’s girlfriend. Lena wasn’t as part of the group as you thought she would be when you first met her, but you didn’t mind it too much. You liked spending time with just Mat and Tito, she was nice but always calm and calculated. It didn’t fit with the spontaneous crackhead energy you shared with the boys.

You often wondered why Mat always reached out to you rather than her. You could understand when he went to Tito, he understood him when it came to hockey and guy things you couldn’t wrap your head around, but you spent endless nights questioning where you fit in the middle of that. Mat never let you feel left out, no matter how invested he was in his relationship he always made time for you.

“I’m here,” You called out when you unlocked the door. You had a spare key from the moment you arrived, officially because he needed someone to have it in case he got locked out, unofficially because he wanted you to be able to come over whenever you wanted. “Hey,” You found him in his bedroom, dried tears on his cheeks as he looked at you with heartbreak written all over his face. “What happened?”

“Lena’s been cheating on me for four months,” Mat whispered, his eyes falling shut as he dug his teeth into his lip to stop himself from crying again. He had been rehearsing the words in his head since you called so that he could tell you, but they still tore at his heart.

“Oh my god,” You sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over to engulf him in a hug. That at least explained why he called you. He needed comfort, and as sweet as Tito was he was also fiercely protective, you knew he’d go rip her apart if he found out now. Mat’s chest shook with small sobs while one of his arms wrapped around you, clinging to you for dear life. “Shit Mat, I’m so sorry,”

“I was- I was just going to surprise her,” He cried against your shoulder, tears beginning to soak your shirt. “And I found them,”

“Come here,” You breathed out as you slid onto the bed more comfortably, letting Mat curl himself against you. You had held him while he cried before, but you had never seen him look that small. “You deserve so much better,”

“I just-” He hiccuped. “I can’t believe she’s been doing this for so long,”

“I know… I don’t even know what to say,”

“Four years,” His words were so choked you barely understood them. He was the most broken you had ever seen him and your heart fell apart for him. No one should have to go through that, but it angered you more than anything that someone as sweet as Mat had to be the one to suffer from it. “I trusted her,”

“I know you did,” You nodded, gently running your fingers through his hair in a way you hoped would soothe him. On some particularly quiet nights at home when you were drunk with no one but him and Tito he liked to rest his head in your lap to make you play with his hair. It wasn’t something Lena really did for him, he had told you one day, but he never let himself be that close to you when people were around in case pictures circulated and she became unbelievably jealous again.

They had a fight about it once, and you wished you realised how horrible she was back then. She played it off on insecurities when it was pure misplaced jealousy, and you could now add hypocrisy to that. Mat was a good boyfriend, reassuring her and talking to you about it to make sure you’d know not to be too touchy when she was around.

It should have clicked in your head that she didn’t belong with him at all when he was forced to hide his affection for you and any other woman in his life. Tito might have been a bit smarter than you about it, he never even tried to take a liking to her while you made efforts to get along with her for Mat’s sake.

“I don’t want to fall in love ever again.” He sniffled against your shoulder, only calming down for a second before his sobs became louder.

There was nothing you could do except hold him through the rest of the night.

.

Somebody told me and I think they’re right

There is a change on its way tonight

.

It took a few months for Mat to feel better. He kept blaming himself, trying to find where he went wrong, and it took many pep talks from you to remind him that he was worth more than that. None of it was his fault, Lena was a heartless liar using him, and she didn’t deserve all of the tears he shed over her.

Tito helped too, joining your efforts as soon as he found out. Between the both of you Mat got plenty of encouragement and love, it was at least enough for him to appear fine to everyone else around him. Only you and Tito got his late night phone calls and texts when he got in his head and began blaming himself for everything that ever went wrong in his life.

Girls were still flirting with him, some of them asking him out on dates, but he turned them all away without a care. You thought he might get into a bit of a fuckboy phase to take his mind off things, but even that didn’t happen.

Neither you or Tito pushed it, he needed patience.

“You’re in love with him,” Tito accused you one night. He was the only one still sitting at the table you had secured in the bar for the rest of the team and their significant others. There was enough space that everyone was standing and mingling around the room. You were practically filling the whole bar anyway, there weren’t many other customers.

“That obvious, uh?” You gave him a weak smile, glancing in Mat’s direction.

“You’ve only been giving him all of your time and attention for the past year,” He shrugged. “I figured it out after I saw you turn down three dates the first month you were here,”

“Nice catch, I barely had it figured out for myself then,” You admitted, taking a weight off your shoulders. You had never been able to confess your feelings for Mat to anyone before. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Tito was the one to figure it out. “I just don’t want him to know yet,”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s too scared to fall for anyone again, or I would have told him already,” You saw him down the rest of his drink and laugh loudly at something one of his friends said, and that sound alone made a smile appear on your lips.

“He trusts you though,” Tito brought you back to the conversation. He had spent enough time with you to know, and he wished the two of you could see things as clearly as he did.

“Not to let himself love me as more than just a friend,” You sighed, your heart squeezing at the thought. “I know what he’s going through, well, not to that extent, but yeah, I know the kind of trust issues that come with it,” You had spent a long time getting over an ex who only cheated with a kiss, and you had barely been with him for six months back then. You could only imagine what it did to Mat to find out his girlfriend of four years lied to his face for four months straight.

“I honestly believe he already has feelings for you, he just won’t act on them just yet,”

“Maybe… Either way, all I can do is wait until he notices,” You could still give him time. You didn’t blame him for keeping his distance, as much as it hurt you had seen the damage his last relationship had done to him and you were willing to wait. You couldn’t see yourself falling for anyone else, Mat was the only one in your heart.

“Mat might act like an idiot all the time but he pays attention to people, he knows how much you care about him,” Tito assured you. You didn’t see it, but Mat was always looking at you and turning to you for everything. You were more than just his best friend and it was painfully obvious.

Mat wasn’t doing it subconsciously either. He was all too aware of your feelings for him, and he fought with himself trying to repress his own for a long time.

You were his best friend back home, but ever since you came to New York you had become so much more than that. Even when his relationship still held up you were the person he shared everything with. You and Tito were his favorite people, he constantly hung out with you without realising what you truly meant to him. Tito was like a brother but it was different with you.

Accepting his feelings for you while getting over his ex was a lot to handle, but he eventually got there. There was only so much patience you could have, he was scared it would wear off before he grew the balls to jump in and tell you the truth.

He could see you sitting with Tito while he was out there drinking, and he couldn’t help but walk over. There was no way for him to enjoy his night unless you did too.

“Come on, you’re missing out on all the fun,” He cheerfully grabbed your hand and pulled you up from the table, motioning for Tito to join.

“Someone’s drunk,” You chuckled when he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you into his chest. Drunk Mat was always extra needy.

“Only a little,” He grinned down at you.

His loud laugh echoed through the room when you took the opportunity to tickle his sides, and he jumped away from you with a squeal. It was the most beautiful sound, one you had missed for a whole month when he never let himself be truly carefree.

“See! This is why I can never bring you to work related stuff!” He tried to retaliate but you blocked his hands, wriggling around until he gave up and put his arm around your waist.

“Why, because I always make sure we have a good time when we’re out?” You laughed at the memories of all the stupid things you had done together when he was supposed to act professional. Granted, trying to see which one of you could catch the most olives in their mouth while the other threw them hadn’t been your smartest idea, but that dinner had been boring and the backlash had been worth it.

“More like because he can’t focus on shit if you’re around,” Tito muttered and you bit your lip in response, wondering if that was really the case. Mat was just Mat around you, but was he different when you weren’t there?

“Something like that,” The brown haired giant remained oblivious to his best friend’s words, too drunk and excited to notice. “But now you need a drink!”

“I’m driving you home, dumbass,” You laughed and resisted his grip while he tried to drag you towards the bar.

“We can uber!” Mat’s face lit up like the idea made him a genius, and you had a hard time not turning into a puddle at the sight. He was so cute it was unfair.

“And leave my car here? I don’t think so,”

“Tito, help me,” Mat looked to his friend, puppy eyes at their finest, to convince him.

“I only had one beer, I can drive,” The man sighed, rolling his eyes at Mat’s behaviour. It was the best compromise so that you wouldn’t have to leave your car and Mat could get his way.

If he could anything that might finally get you two together he’d do it. He was sick of watching you like this when you should obviously be a couple. As stupid as it was, he hoped the alcohol would help you loosen up and get closer. Mat hadn’t been with anyone in a long time and he was obviously lonely, there was a solid chance you’d at least be cuddling by the end of the night.

“You don’t have to,” You tried to ignore the hand that tugged on your arm, making sure Tito was okay with not drinking for the rest of the night. You promised you’d drive, you didn’t want to ruin his fun.

“I don’t really want to drink more, you’re good, go,” He gave you a gentle push, and a second later you were stumbling after Mat because he often forgot how strong his grip was.

“Two shots of tequila and a rum and coke please,” He asked a little louder than he needed to, but the bartender clearly didn’t mind. The guys tipped well when they were out, and since the whole team was filling the bar you knew the whole staff was happily making more money than on regular nights.

“You really think you should be drinking tequila?” You laughed at his state, knowing he was only about to get worse. You didn’t mind it, he was always closer when drunk, clinging to you like a baby, and there was nothing you craved more than his hugs.

“Nope, that’s all for you,” He handed a bill to the bartender to pay for the drinks. “You need to catch up,”

“You’re going to be the reason I die one of these days,”

“Promise I’ll make sure you get home in one piece,” His lips pressed against your temple and you melted into him. He’d always make sure you were safe.

You didn’t know what to do with the mixed signals you got from him. Tito was right, you were almost sure he had feelings for you, but you wondered if he would ever act on them or if he would only want to keep you as a friend. You could only have your hopes up for so long.

The shots were placed down in front of you before you could let yourself overthink things more, and you took both with a grimace under Mat’s stare.

He was trying his best not to let himself ruin a potential relationship with you. He knew he loved you, but getting with you before he was ready would be a mistake. You were more than a rebound and you deserved to be treated right. Mat couldn’t be the one for you until he fixed himself, but knowing that gave him the energy to be better. He let himself slip into the depth of the love he felt for you, allowing himself to fall a little further every day until he was so in love with you he knew he could never go back.

The night ended as predicted, you and Mat were so drunk you laughed constantly and could barely walk, Tito tried his best to be patient as he helped you both to the car.

“Guys,” He groaned as you stopped once again, doubling over into a fit of laughter at something he didn’t understand. He was mostly amused but had to act serious for either of you to listen to him. “Come on, hop in,”

“Thanks Tito,” You gave him a big hug while Mat opened the car’s door.

“Yeah yeah,” He rubbed your back with a chuckle. “Get in there and hug Mat,” He guided you to the backseat where Mat already was, leaving the passenger seat empty.

“Tito said I should hug you,” You leaned over to him and rested your head on his shoulder as you did so.

He only hummed in response, wrapping his arms around you while Tito started the car. It would be a short drive to Mat’s place, and the three of you knew there’d be no need to drive to yours. Tito’s car was at Mat’s because you had picked them up there to come to the bar, so he’d be able to drive home and leave your car where you’d spend the night.

Getting up to Mat’s apartment was surprisingly easy. Your energy had died down in the car and you were both just dying to get in bed. Tito had to fight a little to get you both to drink water while you complained you were hungry, so he promised to make you food if you both just went to bed.

“Alright, everyone comfy?” Tito had to stop himself from rolling his eyes when he found you settled under the covers together. Mat was shirtless and you were in one of his t-shirts, you couldn’t look more like a couple. “Here,” He let you both sit up against the headboard before handing you plates.

“You’re ‘e ‘est” Mat dug in and spoke with his mouth half full of his sandwich. You nodded after him, looking up at the blue eyed man.

“Drink some more water before you fall asleep, okay?” He chuckled as he thought that soon enough all of your nights would look like this. You might have thought that Mat needed more time but Tito could see he didn’t, he had already let himself fall for you, you just had to let it happen.

.

I could drown myself in someone like you

I could dive so deep I never come out

.

Dinner at Mat’s was common, but a homemade dinner at Mat’s wasn’t. You didn’t hide your surprise when you smelled chocolate brownies baking in the oven as you walked in on a Friday night. Mat rarely went through the trouble of making food himself when he could get it cooked by someone else who would know how to prepare it right.

He had texted you to come over early during the week, so you knew he had this planned and it wasn’t just another spontaneous night you’d spend together.

“You cooked?” You took a look at what was in the oven while he stood by the stove.

“Um, yeah,” He scratched the back of his head nervously, moving a pan off the heat while you smiled.

“It smells good,” You reassured him and earned a relieved sigh. You had teased him about his cooking skills hundreds of times, but he really had tried tonight.

You sat with him like everything was normal although the dinner and bottle of red on the table told you it wasn’t. Mat was a nervous wreck, glancing at the candles he had left unlit on a shelf because he knew it’d be too much to add them to the table.

You carried the conversation easily through the beginning of the meal, giving him some more time to say what he needed to. You could see he had something to get off his chest, but you didn’t try to push it until dessert. You could barely believe he was serving you a homemade brownie with freshly cut strawberries and your favorite brand of vanilla ice cream.

He was slowly turning quiet, obviously thinking too hard.

“What is it?” You bumped your foot into his to get his attention.

Mat finally looked up from his dessert, taking a deep breath in before letting the words flow out.

“I’ve fallen for you so damn hard,” He put his spoon down, looking at you with a slightly awkward smile. Mat was rarely shy around you, but there he was, knee bouncing under the table and running his hand through his hair too many times.

“The feeling’s mutual,” You abandoned the rest of your dessert to focus on him with a soft smile. You thought you’d feel butterflies or excitement when it finally happened, but Mat’s confession only brought warmth to you. It made you feel like everything was finally falling into place.

“I know,” He breathed out, reaching for your hand across the table. It wasn’t the first time he held it, but it was the first time he let himself get amazed by how small it was in his. “I just… I thought it was impossible, I didn’t want that again. But you’ve got more patience than anyone else I know and… and you made it all possible,”

“I knew you’d need time to come around,” You ran your thumb over the back of his hand, looking straight into his eyes. Mat felt his heart melt at the sight, it was like you had known this would happen all along while he wondered if he was meant to be single for the rest of his life.

“I didn’t think I would,” He honestly answered, knowing he could voice his insecurities around you without fear of being judged. You had been his rock this whole time, his steady while he was a mess. “And I probably wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for you. You’ve pulled me out of my head so many times, so thank you,”

“Come here,” You pushed your chair back and got up while Mat mirrored your movements.

He pulled you into a tight hug almost instantly, placing a soft kiss on top of your head while you rubbed soothing circles on his back. There wasn’t a lot you needed to say once you were there, holding each other.

“I love you,” He gave you a gentle squeeze, the words floating in the air for less than a second before you replied.

“I love you too,” You pulled away to look at him, cupping his cheek and feeling him lean into your touch. “And I know how much it takes for you to say that, so thank you, for trusting me,”

“I’ve always trusted you,”

The tip of his nose touched yours and you both smiled, letting your eyes fall shut before your lips finally met.

In all of the years you had known Mat you had never exchanged a kiss, not even during a dumb drinking game. You had only imagined this moment a million times, and now that it was finally happening you could barely think.

His lips were soft, the stubble growing on his face tickled your skin, and it all felt like perfection. Nothing could have ever prepared you for what it’d be like to kiss the person you were in love with.

“Wow,” Mat whispered as he pulled away, his hands trembling slightly.

“Yeah,” You chuckled before a frown appeared in your face. “Hey,” You got him to look at you rather than his feet. “What are you so nervous for? It’s just me,”

“Sorry, I’m, uh, all out of practice when it comes to that stuff,” He admitted, his hands coming to your waist to hold you.

“How about we clean up and get on the couch so you can get practice again, mmh?” You kissed his cheek and instantly got a smile back on his face.

“That sounds perfect.”

.

Please reblog guys! Feedback and comments are always super encouraging and help me write more

[abirdonalilactree]

First gay ship I watched that actually became canon. (kinda toxic tho-)

Y'all remember the first time you saw your gay ship become canon? I suppose for many of you it was Supernatural. 

For me it was back in 2013 when the series finale of Rules of Engagement came out, which is pretty early if you are talking about gay stuff. Not only did we get a slowburn spanning over several seasons, it also ended in a gay wedding.

In this essay I will talk about why this ship is so important to me and why it also was toxic as feck.

The show is about two couples and their single friend, all at different stages in their relationships, deal with the complications of dating, commitment, and marriage. From season three on, there kinda is a slow burn until season seven ends with the two unmarried couples getting married as well.

What started as a horrible boss messing with his assistant turned into a surprising love story.

 I'm not sure why I came back to this series after so many years in the first place. Some of the jokes are quite offensive so here is a warning for that. But on the other hand, all episodes are up on YouTube for free soo… Right now, in the September of 2021 we have exactly 20 fics on Ao3 by amazing authors. We are a really small fandom. The show ended in 2013 but like three or four people are still here.

Let me introduce the main characters:

The married couple consists of Jeff and Audrey Bingham. Jeff has been a financial manager and husband of Audrey since 1995. He has a rather deadpan, cold and sardonic personality and sense of self, particularly when dealing with Russell and Adam, but he is not sadistic or unkind, thereby rendering these traits as merely ironic and biting humor. He loves sports, shuns anything that might resemble sensitivity and often views his marriage as a competition or war, refusing to let Audrey "win" the upper hand at anything.

Audrey is an editor at Indoor Living magazine before later resigning and the assertive, modern wife of Jeff. She tolerates her husband's insensitivity because she knows he is not malicious and will do whatever it takes to make the situation right once he realizes his mistake. As a couple, they both can be very condescending and manipulative towards each other, in order to gain the upper hand, and typically don't like to concede to the other that they were wrong.

Adam Rhodes, a sensitive and well-meaning, but extremely naive and super extremely stupid, co-worker of Russell and Timmy, and Jennifer's fiancé throughout the series until they are married in the series finale. He is a neighbor of Jeff and Audrey, looks up to Jeff, and often acts on Jeff's relationship advice -This usually results in making the situation worse for himself. Jennifer Morgan is the fiancée and eventual wife of Adam, who endures his faults because of his good looks. She is very self-conscious of him, and will often try to spare him from embarrassment.

Timir "Timmy" Patel was introduced in season 3 and became a season regular from season 4-7. He first appears when Russell hires him as his assistant.  Although he is fluent in seven languages and holds an MBA, Timmy is often forced to do menial work or to solve Russell's trivial problems which often annoys Timmy. While many of Russell's schemes disgust him, Timmy will often see them through so that he can enjoy Russell's deserved penalty. 

Russell Dunbar on the other hand is wealthy, only due to his trust fund, which he uses to impress and seduce women. He is presented as a seedy and sleazy man who only cares about how many women he can get. However, it is shown that he has a softer side. His relationships within the group are seemingly conflicted, many of the group dislike his behaviour and mock him, as they do everyone else, but it seems that he expresses just as much distaste for them as he does not choose to invite them places unless he needs them to. Through Timmy, he is analysed by a psychiatrist to have sociopathic tendencies which explains his destructive behaviour.

He is also self absorbed and immature.

...But the thing is sometimes he isn’t.

While all three relationships show a lot of signs of toxicity, Timmy and Russell’s relationship is certainly the most destructive one. Which is mostly Russell’s fault.

But let me show you.

From a psychological point of view, their relationship ticks most of the boxes of a toxic relationship.

Toxic communication

Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of their conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. Yet sometimes kindness is in fact seeking through.

Jealousy

There is so, so much jealousy going on. Russell really does everything to not allow Timmy to get together with a woman. Although only as the show goes on, it becomes clear that Russell is jealous because he has fallen for Timmy.

Controlling behaviors

Russell is questioning where Timmy is all the time or becoming overly upset when he doesn’t immediately answer texts are both signs of controlling behavior, which can contribute to toxicity in a relationship. And it gets so much worse than that. But more to that later.

Resentment

Yes.

Dishonesty

Yes. ALL the time.

Patterns of disrespect

Being chronically late, casually “forgetting” events, and other behaviors that show disrespect for each other's time are a red flag. This makes it red flag number six. 

Constant stress

A normal amount of tension runs through every relationship, but finding oneself constantly on edge is an indicator that something’s off. Yet another red flag.

This ongoing stress can take a toll on the physical and emotional health of a person. Which is one hundred percent happening.

Ignoring needs

Going along with whatever one partner wants to do, even when it goes against the wishes or comfort level of the other one. From his first episode in the show on, Timmy is forced to do absurd stuff he doesn’t want to do and honestly no one should do for their boss.

Lost relationships

Stopping to spend time with friends and family, either to avoid conflict with a partner or to get around having to explain what’s happening in the relationship.

Hoping for change

One might stay in a relationship because they see the other person’s potential or think that if they just change themselves and their actions, their partner will change as well. And it’s the little moments when Russell shows for only moments the tiniest bit of being a good person that make Timmy stay with him.

Walking on eggshells

One worries that by bringing up problems, they’ll provoke extreme tension, so they become conflict avoidant and keep any issues to themselves.

Lack of support however is arguably not always one of their problems. But we’ll come back to that.

And still, they share their sweet moments.

The following clip, made by CBS itself shows really well how it is for them to work with each other.

https://youtu.be/GfPI3HgMYoI

And then there is character development. Here the group of friends talks about Jeff lying to his wife about another friends bachelor party because he doesn’t want to spend time with her aunt.

https://youtu.be/LQPIFcrBltQ

Russell doesn't want to get married, clearly. This clip also conveys pretty well how horrible those people are. 

There is this tension and the gay jokes. This clip also shows really well how manipulative Russell -tries- to be.

https://youtu.be/XkdycXzX4ag

And then there are moments like these: In season 6 Timmy wanted to impress a woman who only wants to date singers so Russell teaches him how to play the guitar with the ulterior motive of Timmy embarrassing himself in front of the whole company. This idea backfires when Russell realises that he can’t watch Timmy suffer like that and he joins on stage and they start this duet that’s like super gay.

https://youtu.be/UH3P_LfBBQo

To be with you by Mr Big is an interesting choice of song. -Not only because it’s quite romantic but also because the lyrics seem to be surprisingly fitting at second glance.

Let’s analyze it because Music is an important aspect.

“One of the great unrequited love songs, "To Be With You" has a true story behind it. Mr. Big lead singer Eric Martin wrote the song when he was still a teenager - 16 or 17 in his estimation. The girl was Patricia Reynolds, and he had it bad for her.

"We were really, really good friends," Martin said in a Songfacts interview. "I was totally enamored with this woman. She was beautiful. Smart. I mean, brains, beauty, break down the walls, made me crawl on my belly like a reptile!

I just loved this woman, but she just wanted to be my friend. She'd have tons of boyfriends, and maybe she misconstrued promiscuity for love. But I wanted to be the knight in shining armor. That's what I was, a knight in shining armor. But basically, I didn't get my feet wet. I wrote it about how I would have done anything to just be more than a friend and a confidante."”

-https://www.songfacts.com/facts/mr-big/to-be-with-you

So much to the history of the song. Do you see the parallels? Do you see them? Do you?

Anyway. When Russell joins Timmy on the stage, he starts with the lines:

Build up your confidence

So you can be on top for once

Wake up, who cares about

Little boys that talk too much

I think this has to be taken literally. Not sure how much I should go into detail here. 

This however brings us back to the point of support from our list earlier.

I've seen it all go down

The game of love was all rained out

So come on baby, come on over

Let me be the one to hold you

I'm the one who wants to be with you (I'm the one, yeah)

Deep inside I hope you feel it too (feel it too)

Waited on a line of greens and blues (waited on a line yeah)

Just to be the next to be with you

That’s kinda Gay.

There are jokes all over the seasons that Timmy and Russell are gay but it becomes most clear that Russell is in love with Timmy, in the last season, when Timmy leaves to go on vacation and Russell misses him so much that he gets a girlfriend and turns her into a copy of Timmy.

Things get worse when Timmy finds out that Russell completely lost his marbles and chipped him to always know his whereabouts. This finally makes Timmy leave the company and get a new job where he finally gets treated with respect. It is shown how they miss each other despite everything. But then Timmy loses his work Visa which turns out to be completely Russell’s fault.

Right after Jenn and Adam marry in the last episode, Russell proposes to Timmy so he can stay in America but it becomes clear that there is more than his conscience that made him do this.

Russell turning his girlfriend into Timmy. (There is no heterosexual explanation for this):

https://youtu.be/sX1xTybc6vI

Timmy finding out how much Russell really stalks him. (like. he is totally in love with him):

https://youtu.be/jPWKdwpXCLU

Their Wedding (seems pretty gay to me):

https://youtu.be/Ymp-zaTmnD8

 You need to see the whole show as it is. A bunch of horrible people that are made fun of.

Furthermore you could argue that they don’t actually kiss. But maybe marriage is even more meaningful. 

I suppose that since we get so little representation, we like to clasp onto everything we can get. Because when I watched this I was too young to understand how offensive the shit they talk about really is. But after all it meant a lot to my gay little heart.

So many years later I gotta say that it needs to be said that it’s a toxic relationship after all. Don’t try it at home. Don’t try it with your boss or assisstant.

In the end it’s a green card marriage. But there is this whole arch of Russell falling in love with Timmy. Most clearly in the last three episodes but also starting a lot earlier. It’s a slow burn after all. It’s never said out loud but we got two bisexual characters right there.

Now I’m asking around my friends what their first gay ship was that became canon. The results really show that we don’t get enough representation in series. Just wow.

Hannigram became canon. kinda. They jumped off a cliff together instead of kissing. That one dude from supernatural you guys keep talking about got sent to super gay hell after confessing.

What I want to say is I just wanna see a healthy gay ship become canon some day.

Thanks for reading!

...So what was your first gay ship that became canon? 

[partnersatfazbear]

Fazbear Frights: What We Found Analysis

Here’s my analysis for What We Found, the third story in Gumdrop Angel. I wrote this as I read so it may be a little different than my previous analysis where I read the story first and went back.

If you’re a Michael Afton fan I highly recommend this. Also, there’s possibly some insight into William Afton, Mrs. Afton, and Henry too, so it’s worth a skim.

Pg 144 '...a place thirty-some years forgotten' Just reconfirming FNAF 3 is 30 years past *one* of the FNAF closings, presumably FNAF 2 location.

Pg 145 "The whole building was giving him [Hudson] a headache." FIX THE VENTILATION BRUH

Pg 148 '...they were able to use salvaged derelict equiptment original to the old pizzerias.' Another confirmation of something we heard from Phone Guy.

Pg 147 "How old are you?" "Twenty-three, same as you." I think this gives us Michael's age during FNAF 3.

EDIT: This kept me awake last night. Obviously this is impossible because he has to be alive for at least 10 years before 1983, BUT maybe its just reconfirming FNAF 3′s year? 2023?

Pg 149 "Hudsan's dad died and his mom married Lewis, a ridiculous balding man who wore plaid vests and smoked a pipe" Did... Did this book just seriously imply Mrs. Afton left William for Henry? Really? (Yes, there's differences; the husband is dead and the man wears plaid 'vests' but it seems very odd to include that detail. This could just have been the writer's own imagination, though.) I have seen this as a fan theory and 100% explains the jealousy aspect of William, but I can't help but kinda hate it. I think this is very important, though, and probably Scott's intention. "This horrible little man [Lewis]... would make Hudson's next ten years a living Hell" This REALLY intrigues me given the context I just went over. The text implies Lewis was fairly neglectful to our main character / Michael stand-in Hudson. Maybe I'm wrong and for some reason Mrs. Emily left and went to William? XD Haha, I'm reading too much into this page. Maybe I'll come back to this later. I figure it's more of Scott possibly including double-details (contradicting stuff with the same character that really applies to two, which has been something I heavily pointed out in previous anaylsis on this blog) Having said that, I'm going w/the former because I can't imagine Henry being abusive (neglectful yes, abusive no) and he's never been portrayed that way in official works like William has in the novels.

Pg 150 "Hudson began to screw up in class...a product of spending the night in fear that his stepfather [Lewis]... [would] beat him just for the fun of it." Ooof. Big confirm on William actually being abusive. Unless we stick with the Henry theory for Lewis (combined with Midnight Motorist Henry theory / alcoholic). "...near-daily beatings..." "his mom started taking pills to get through the day..." So, whoever Mrs. Afton is, she was definetly not paying attention. But then, most people married to serial killers either don't notice because of denial (like this) or because the killer is so manipulative / careful they can't notice.

"Barry, who had red hair and freckles..." Yo?! Is that a description of Fritz?! These friends in the story could be the other kids Michael knew's stand-in's, aka the two gravestones with names he used (Fritz and Jeremy), as shown in the checks for the games and FNAF 6. I've long figured Michael was probably friends with the victims--it makes them easier, although riskier, targets [for William]. The two friends are male, too, like Fritz and Jeremy. If you're curious about Duane's description (our stand in for Jeremy), it's "tight black shirt... muscles... black hair long enough for a glossy ponytail..." I'm not sure if this matches anything found in the novels or contradicts them, though. (The novels = TSE trilogy)

"And so it went... until the night of the fire." For context, this is before FF burns down. We're learning of Hudson's life from his close friends in childhood, his father's death, his mother remarrying, to his abusive stepfather, to his grades slipping to this line. This would be a new fire not seen/mentioned in the games...

Pg 151 "...go to Charlie's for a sundae..." Really. Really Scott. Just gonna use this name again. OK. I'm not even gonna discuss this because it's probably irrelevant. *This is confirmed on pg 158 to be an ice cream shop. No lore relevance aside the annoying name coincidences Scott loves to troll with.

"This is not... an advance into enemy territory, a fight with demons, or a descent into Hell..." Uh, what? What is Hudson talking about? XD I'm only noting it because it seems so out of place. He's probably talking about video games or something.

Another note, although I don't have a specific reference since it is mentioned off-hand many times, is that Hudson keeps referring to his "history" which is implied to have kept him from getting a well-paying job and a girl he's crushing on doesn't know this "history" which is good for him. Seems good old "Michael Stand-In" has done some jail time or something. Edit: On pg 154/155 the girl asks Hudson, "Did you do it?" Seems he may have killed his stepfather or been involved with something else just as bad. Edit 2: No, I was thinking too deep into it. This probably refers to Evan's death at Fredbear's. DUH.

Pg 156 describes an actual "prize corner" in FF! What am I even reading? IIRC this is in FNAF 3, too. So they just hand out these scary gift boxes to people that complete the attraction? (Hudson says he *would* have fun handing out the scary toys to kids when this location opens--kind of a bully thing to do, eh?)

"[Hudson] avoid[ed] glancing in any of the mirrors..." I'm only pointing this out because it could be reference to one of two things. 1) We know because of one of UCN's music tracks, William has a fear of his reflection. Michael probably shares this trait, especially since 2) after Ennard and all... and later on pg 157 it also says, "he never wanted to face: himself" Sounds like guilt, my guy.

Pg 157 "blonde hair... blue eyes..." Hudson shares an eye color with Michael. It's possible Michael had blonde hair as a child and it changed to brown (it's common, something I personally went through being technically blonde/ blue eyed myself)

"He [Hudson] knew from personal experience that toys could turn from fun...to torture ina heart-beat" Fairly self explanatory. Either Hudson's worked at a creepy location before or he doesn't like remembering Fredbear's.

*checks how much is left.* There's still 35 pages (not counting back/front) left of this... This is gonna be a lot of notes.

Pg 158 Hudson doesn't have a car. Poor Mike, probably having to walk everywhere. Especially as a corpse.

Pg 160 This page describes many physical issues Hudson has that prevents him from entering the Navy, all from the abuse of Lewis. Obvious paralell to Michael becoming an undead [because his father sent him to CBPR indirectly causing his condition]

Pg 161 "How's your granny, Hud?... ...Is she still alive?" "I don't think she can die." Does anyone in the Afton family really 'die'? XD

Pg 162 These few pages discuss Hudson's grandmother. She's described as "a seer who claimed to know the future... ...wore big men's plaid flannel shirts with baggy jeans" Um, more plaid / flannel? AGH. STAHP. Lowkey, I would totally headcanon my Aunt Jen like this, though.

Pg 163 "Hudson's mom... the way she was before Hudson's dad had died... never... particularly warm and fuzzy... but... effiencient and responsible..." More about Mrs. Afton, so that's kinda neat.

"Hudson's dad was fun and attentive." There's a good Dad in this series?

"Unfortunetly, he also struggled with mental illness." "invisible low points" (Pg 164) Kinda reminds me of how Henry is described after Charlotte's death in the books.

Pg 164 "When Steven got himself into a bad deal that cost him his small business... he'd taken his life." Oh, it is Henry! SMH. Way to use confusing paralells. So, from our understanding thus far, Hudson's real father, Steven, is our Henry stand-in. His step-father despite being described similar to Henry, is actually our William stand-in. Fair game, Scott.

Pg 164 "...he [Hudson] was locked into a supply closet..." Oh shit, you guys. So, let me go on a tangent here, because this IS important! I just watched a retrospective on Sister Location and FNAF 6 earlier and one theory for Midnight Motorist was the person in the chair was the mother and the kid was Michael. I think this little line may confirm that. In fact, the story may be the key to figuring things out. Obviously, the line is a paralell to FNAF 4's scene in which Crying Child was locked in the supply closet of Fredbear's. I know some people, including Matpat, believe[d] CC was Michael, and in this book's context, it sort of works. This does contradict Step Closer and 1000 other things that make Michael the older brother, but maybe it's hinting at MM? Abusive stepdad (possibly Henry... maybe William is gone at this point), checked out Mom (hey, grey couch lady with Foxybro's font). IDK, but its definetly something to think about.

Pg 165 Lewis is mentioned as calling Hudson "nothing" and saying "you're nothing" on several occasions on this page. Just more abuse, for those accurate fanfic writers like me. Also I kinda wanna watch Morel Orel again. Yall know my fav character is Clay. Yall know.

"You're smoke." <-- Lewis / The text later reads, "...there was some irony, given what eventually happened." BRUH. Why did your stepdad die in a fire? :V TELL ME.

"When his family's house burned down at the end of his senior year..." Huh. Is there a fire we don't know about in the game-verse? Could this explain what happened to the FNAF 4 house before MM house?!

"...it purged Hudson of Lewis and his mother." MRS. AFTON BURNED ALIVE, TOO? Bruh. I can't with this story.

The text later describes the fire is concluded to be man-made and Hudson was blamed for it. Can't say if this ties to Michael, but it IS interesting... TBF, there is a small paralell to draw between Henry in FNAF 6 and his history of suicide in the books, too.

Pg 166 "...this place's [FF] busted thermostat.." I just find this line funny.

Pg 167 "...after three weeks of keeping an eye on the place" Some more timeline context for FNAF 3. We know that Michael worked there a little while before we start playing the game thanks to one of the phone calls, IIRC, so this makes sense. If Michael was accused of [something] and also wanting to hunt down his father, then it makes perfect sense why he's working a dead end job at Freddy's over and over and over. Fun fun fun.

Pg 169 "He hated to think about a functional character [Foxy]" This line is in regards to Hudson not liking the set up of Pirate's Cove and Foxy's hook to scare people. Sounds familiar, don't it? (For Michael anyway.)

Pg 173 "Some big find is arriving tomorrow." SPRINGY BOI! COME ON BOOK, get on with the show?

Pg 176 "Granny was wearing a red-and-green plaid shirt and her baggy jeans." Nothing special, but it was specifically brought up twice. I'm kind of racking my brain trying to understand what the point of this character is outside of "woooo everything is haunted don't you know that" kind of character.

Pg 180 "...dropped the crate on the linoleum with a resounding thud." HEY. Poor Springtrap, just gettin' tossed around like the trash he is.

Pg 186 "If you weren't so stupid, I'd tell you more about it." Springtrap bringing the burn. =:)

"A voice with a burr-like rasp...hint of a Southern accent" I'm going to assume this is because it's Lewis probably in the suit in this story and not our old British lad.

"It's was Mr. Atkin's voice." THE MATH TEACHER? *goes back to check* 'The algebra teacher'. Okay...

Pg 190 Okay, so Hudson hear's Lewis' voice this time. Okay, I get it now. Springtrap in this kind of imbodies all of Hudson's old bullies, including the teacher. He also has PTSD, just FYI. IDK if anyone finds that important, but it's fairly obvious by the line "He wasn't in his bedroom. Lewis didn't just slam his head into a desk; his head had been slammed into the [arcade] game."

"Why did he hallucinate a scene from his childhood?" Oh, it's not PTSD, then. It's just the VENTILATION ERROR. lol Okay.

Just a note, as I'm reading through the more action-based stuff, I kind of feel bad for Michael if he had flashbacks like this guy. They're intense.

So, Lewis' voice finally comes out of Springtrap on Pg 213. There's that.

Pg 220 "You can just stay there [in his room]" Kind of a paralell to Midnight Motorist. Lewis is saying it to Hudson. I really feel like the kid in the MM game is Michael because of this story...

Pg 223 "Heat purges. Fire heals." I'm sure that's Henry's life motto.

The ending was stupid, but most in these stories are. Hudson is hallucinating and is implied to have burned himself alive in FF's oven. Meh? The first half of this one is A TRIP and a little insight into what I 100% believe is Michael's childhood. I think the saddest part of it all is that we never got Springtrap speaking to Michael in FNAF 3--and if it's ever remade I hope we get more of them interacting.

[bookofmirth]

Hi!You wanted to talk about Mor more often and I so happen to be quite confused about her.

I liked her character in the first books. But in ACOSF she simply disappeared. I can't remember any significant scenes or chapters with her in it. She has a great friendship with Cassian, they used to go out till the death of night often according to the previous books. Suddenly she doesn't even have a private conversation with Cassian at all throughout a whole massive book with Cass' POV too? I'm not sure if i'm right about them not have a single conversation on their own. Nonetheless their friendship feels nonexistent in ACOSF.

Is it because SJM is anticipating Mor's own book? But that wouldn't explain why their friendship suddenly changed so much? I understand she's off to other lands to do whatever it is she is doing. I only remember Mor eating with the IC once I think. And some dance classes.

Her absence made me think it was just a convenient timing thing. No Mor/Nesta/Cassian altercation. Even during the dance classes scenes there is not really any growth between Nesta and Mor, they are simply civil. Nothing more nothing less. As a good friend/almost family of Cass I'd expect there to be more, atleast trying to get to know eachother for the sake of Cass? Does that make sense? Idk it felt strange that Mor had no growth in either relationships.

Secondly do you think she's leading Azriel on by not telling him for 500 years that's she is not interested in him? Is she so scared of his reaction? Feyre is the only one who she explained it to. I also kinda find it ridiculous that as a Spymaster he hasn't figured it out yet. She also sleeps with Helion to make it clear to Az that she's not interested in him romantically. The sadest part is that she said she doesn't quite enjoy it entirely.

I think she needs tons of healing still too. And things are going on on that other continent (Hybern? Vallahan? ) and i'm confused it feels like she is not succeeding at all with negotiations. And it's just a vague plot point imo that will lead to war, just for the sake of having some more stories to be told.

Thank you for reading my chaotic thoughts :)

Okay I am finally getting to this, thanks for being patient!!!

So for background, Mor has always been one of my favorite characters in this series, and I am not a huge fan of what has happened to her past her coming out in acowar. Her brotp with Cassian is one of my favorite things ever to headcanon. I had written fanfic with her and Az, her and Nesta, her and Elain. I think that's it.

But yeah, to have a whole book where Cassian was a major character and to hardly get any Mor content, it's weird??? I can see it being an issue if Nesta was jealous, but now that I think about it, Nesta never displayed any jealousy toward Mor in all of acosf, not where Cassian was concerned. I think that Nesta did regret not being closer to Mor when she first got to the Night Court, because she sees how everyone else treats Mor like she is kindness personified and so Nesta reflects on how she treated Mor. But people in the fandom have had the impression that Mor was in the way between Nesta and Cassian, which I never understood, and which acosf proved is incorrect, even from Nesta's POV.

The only conversation I can think of Cassian and Mor having was when he thinks about how she is as beautiful inside as out and how he thinks she doesn't know. (Sidenote, my heart, he is so precious.) But there was nothing of substance. WHYYYYY. I would rather have had zero stupid plot and 800 pages of character development than what we got.

I think that, besides the pregnancy plot, the thing that bothers me most about acosf is the fact that Mor not only disappeared from the narrative, but that her queerness is basically erased because it's not relevant to the plot. And queerness is not a plot device. It's not a "gotcha" moment to change who the fandom ships.

Nesta and Mor did get to know each other a bit, like you said with the dancing lessons, but it was super minimal. I would expect that Nesta's relationship with Mor would have grown in the same way that her relationship with Azriel did, because Azriel and Mor are arguably Cassian's closest friends. (Besides Rhys, but Nesta and Rhys had their own issues.) So why didn't it? I'm trying to be generous with sjm on this one, but I think that it again comes down to Mor not being useful because her queerness wouldn't be useful to the acosf plot. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope that I am.

The one thing about Mor in acosf was that she kept leaving and when she returned she was upset about something, which you mentioned. I assume we will find out what this is all about eventually? Because we got Mor's POV in acofas too, and even then she was off on her own and there was something watching her from the woods, and a lot of people think it was Bryaxis, but we haven't had confirmation. Plus, we have the whole deal with Keir coming to Velaris. She has stuff coming up for sure, and so maybe Mor, like Elain and Lucien, have been put on the back burner because other stories are coming first.

The thing with Az - I don't think that she has been leading him on. She tries to tell him in her own way, without having to come out, that she isn't going to be interested. I wish that she felt safe enough just tell Azriel, but there is a combination of things keeping her from doing that: the homophobia of the Court of Nightmares and her family, her desire to keep that part of herself sacred, and maybe (maybe?) Azriel's reaction to that discussion. I think she knows that Az is particularly fragile and they have gone so long without talking that at this point it's just festering. Ugh, when they finally do talk it's going to be intense. But I do hesitate to say she is scared of his reaction because...

I don't think that Az really loves her the way he seemed to in acomaf. After seeing how he has treated her and now how he treats Elain, I think that Mor (and Elain) are actually convenient people because his "infatuation" with them keeps people from looking too deeply at what Az is actually doing - or not doing. So if anything, Mor and Azriel having that conversation would be a huge relief where they could both stop having to pretend around each other all the time. I'm torn because I think he does have a temper and he has a history of not thinking about how that temper impacts Mor, but I also don't think that, ultimately, his feelings are deep enough to make him react that way. The only reason he would do that is a cover for the things he is really afraid of. Which I have a whole different ask about haha.

Okay, number three in my acosf pet peeves is that there was NO HINT that Rhys, or Cassian, or Azriel know that Mor is queer. I was CONVINCED that we would find out in acosf that at least one of them knows. It doesn't make any sense for them to not! After all this time, and them supposedly being so close. I hope that it's not being reserved for plot reasons because EW. Like, there is a reason that sexual assault shouldn't be used for plot or character development, right? It's the same thing with queerness and I hope that that is not what is coming.

It might all come down to the way that as the series progresses, sjm seems incapable of thinking about a character if they aren't on the page at that moment. It's why Elain seems to have been held in suspension since the end of acowar. And now Mor does. And honestly Lucien does too. Amren just never changes because she's so old. I think she's ready to break Azriel out of the cryogenic ice stuff now but I don't really like this style of writing where characters' motivations are completely hidden just because they aren't the main character.

[emiefaunwrites]

I'm having a bit of trouble with my partner can I project onto the boys and have them working through things like how they communicate when they have conflicts and how they communicate when they have bad mental health impacting their relationship? Sorry for such a big ask but these boys are the source of so much of my seroronin

Hey there anon.

I'm really sorry to hear you're having those problems. I've come from a series of unhealthy (and damaging) relationships myself and I hate knowing that others suffer in relationships. I don't know what problems you're having but I hope you remember how important you and your feelings are.

And it would be my pleasure to write something for you. Say the word and if it's within my power in the AU, then I'll write whatever you want.

I hope that things get better for you soon and I hope this helps, even just a little ❤

********************

• In general, Taka and Leon's relationship is great.

• Especially the longer they are together - they've learnt how the other communicates and are able to deal better when the other is upset.

• But as with all relationships, they hit some bumpy roads.

• It's mostly in their first few years together, once the 'honeymoon period' has worn off.

• They're both very similar in a lot of ways, but they're also incredibly different.

• And their communication styles most definitely clash.

• Leon is more of an emotional person - he gets wound up fast, wanting to vent his frustrations out and have someone agree with how shit whatever it is that's annoyed or upset him is so that he feels cared about.

• But Taka, despite crying easily, is very logical in his approach.

• Yes, he will cry over the smallest thing, but he quickly recovers and plans the best course of action to resolve the issue.

• As you can imagine, these two ways of managing anger/upset are not the most compatible.

• Taka loves a good snuggle at the beginning but he quickly wants to talk it through and have Leon offer advice.

• And when Leon's mid vent, the last thing he wants is for Taka to challenge his thinking to offer solutions.

• It leads to conflicts - both boys not understanding why the other doesn't seem to get what they need.

• And so what is meant to be comfort leads to more anger and upset.

• It takes one big heart to heart after a particularly big argument for them to finally air it all out.

• 'Why aren't you listening?!'

• 'I AM listening! Would I be giving you advice if I WASN'T listening?!'

• 'I don't WANT advice! I want you to LISTEN!'

• It's a hard thing to change when a person is so set in their way of communicating - it's hard to see another point of view.

• So even after that conversation, it was really hard work.

• Leon would misunderstand a situation and be hesitant to offer hugs, jumping straight into harsh advice while Taka was still in the heat of his upset.

• And Taka would remain silent, coming across unintentionally cold when he wouldn't ask about what was upsetting his partner, thinking that Leon would come to him.

• This was when the peak rocky patch hit during their first year at University.

• After so many failed attempts at communicating, they had bocame frightened to talk about their feelings, bottling up issues out of fear of getting it wrong.

• Leon's self-esteem spiralled downwards, jealousy and paranoia knawing away at him and he withdrew further and further away.

• And Taka misunderstood, thinking he was being childish, and so let the anger simmer gently under the surface.

• They would spend their time together as normal - good days being good days as if there never were any problems.

• But once there was a hint of any trouble it was tense - their unresolved issues hanging thick in the air and it just built and built and built.

• And one night it all became too much - a night where Taka was going to go out with his theatre club for a social.

• At one mention of a certain member's name - a beautiful, intelligent, kind and caring female - Leon's entire body deflated and he tucked himself under the covers, ignoring Taka's questions.

• And that was it. Taka just couldn't take this anymore.

• He confronted the jealousy, calling it childish and accused him of not wanting Taka to have friends.

• And Leon countered miserably - of COURSE he wants Taka to have friends, he's not an asshole.

• 'You won't talk to me! You've been pushing me away ever since I joined the damn club! What am I supposed to think?!'

• Taka's right. Leon HAS been pushing him away. He's seen how happy he is and thinks he doesn't belong in his life anymore. That there's someone better out there for him - this female club member. And that'll mean Leon will be alone again.

• But how can he say that? How can Leon possibly tell Taka what he's frightened of?

• He curls himself into a balls, squeezing his eyes shut and tries not to cry, tries to just ignore the ache in his chest and the screaming thoughts of Taka finally seeing how terrible a person that Leon is.

• And Taka stands there, angry and confused, trying to understand what's happening.

• His boyfriend is being unreasonable. Pushing him away for seemingly no reason. What on EARTH could logically...

• Then it hits him.

• But Leon ISN'T logical with his emotions. He's reactive. He lets them all take over and consume him.

• Okay. Let's try something new.

• With a deep breath, Taka sits in down on the floor next to the bed and takes his phone out.

• He's cancelling...and it's all Leon's fault. The emotions start to well up, the guilt and the shame and the self loathing becoming to much.

• 'No, just go...'

• 'I don't want to go.'

• 'Yes you do...'

• 'There's more important things than a club.'

• No. No no no, this isn't fair. Taka should...should be with better people. He should...he should FORGET all about Leon. Leon isn't...he isn't WORTH IT. Taka deserves someone so much more...so much more...

• Leon doesn't realise that all of this is said out loud, doesn't see the pained look on Taka's face as his heart breaks in his chest.

• All Leon feels is pain, pain and misery and hopelessness and...

• ...and a warm palm against his cheek.

• 'You're worth EVERYTHING to me.'

• It's a long, emotional evening and there's a lot of tears on both sides.

• A lot of talking, a lot of apologies, a lot of love and endless forgiveness.

• And with words whispered against each other's skin as they cling together desperately, they promise not to ignore their feelings again.

• It isn't perfect. No relationship is.

• But Leon learns to walk away from an intense debate and to calm his thoughts enough to logically talk them through without bottling it up.

• Taka learns how to actively listen in times of frustration - waiting for the signal to offer advice and seeing signs of deteriation in advance.

• And they both learn every day how happy the other makes them, how proud every day they are of the other, and how strong they have become.