#I also imagine that Clark (and the rest of JL) only stop this because Bruce is just too scary

[caffienatedtree]

Clark having a panic attack every time Batman gets any injuries, even as small as a paper cut, for the first month or so after finding out his identity. Because they all thought this insane guy throwing himself head first into danger has to have some sort of power to have survived all the insane situations. But no, he’s just a very squishy human in some pretty tough clothes.

Bruce: slices his finger on some JL paperwork

Clark: OH MY GOD YOU’RE BLEEDING-

Bruce: it’s just a paper cut.

Clark: DIANA! BRUCE IS BLEEDING!

Bruce: *glares at him and considers pulling out his stash of kryptonite* I’m. Fine.

[accursedvoid]

Okay but Bruce Wayne with the Gotham series backstory is SO funny in hindsight because this man hasn’t had a normal day in his life since he was 12 in this context.

Just Bruce peppering in the wild shit he’s had to deal with since he was a literal child bc he’s been technically batmanning even before there was a batman. this man met most of his rogues gallery as a TEENAGER, been kidnapped by them, nearly killed and kidnapped/harassed by multiple cults and enemies multiple times - he’s literally the epitome of ‘you know those days where you’re like this might as well happen’.

just casually mentioning these wild anecdotes from his early years while his kids immediately go ‘??? I’m sorry what? you were kidnapped by a cult when you were 12?’ ‘The first one yeah’ ‘THE FIRST-’ - and Alfred is here to nod in the background BECAUSE HE WAS THERE AND CAN CONFIRM ALL THIS DID INDEED HAPPEN and half the time he was running after bruce who was off parkouring around Gotham already when he wasn’t being kidnapped.

like man, no wonder he didn’t see a problem with child sidekicks with this as another added reason its just ‘well I was doing this at that age and hey at least this time I’m here to protect them’.

the JL complaining about the joker when he threw one of his schemes that wound up also involving them bc idk some fuckery and Bruce is just ‘well at least it’s only the one joker we ever have to deal with this time’ and they’re just ‘only one? was,,,was there more than one joker? BRUCE WHAT DO YOU MEAN-’ and the inevitable ‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH TWO JOKERS AS A TEEN’ ‘-wait, what do you MEAN this time?’ jerome lives au maybeee

hell no wonder he’s Mr ‘contingency plan’ given everything always seems to happen to him so much, this man is so tired, let him rest - no wonder he’s never phased by anything.

Bruce 'Clark just punch out darkseid I've gotta get home before damien converts the manor into a zoo, make sure Tim actually has rest, Jason doesn't start another turf war with the maniacs, fetch the riddler’s 30 fuckin trophies he’s placed around the gd city or else he'll blow something up, stop poison ivy from converting the park into a man eating jungle, stop the jokers from trying to kill each other and inevitably dragging half the city into hellfire with them and Ra’s is back on his bullshit again-' Wayne.

me and @connerluthorkent​ were chatting about this on discord and how Gotham Bruce’s entire existence with this backstory is just this gif and its WILD to imagine.

[godstaff]

Kent family watches the Incredibles movies

Clark: Well, guys: due to the pandemic, the JL has restricted the amount of operatives in the field, so Mommy and I will spend the day with our family. Do you know any of them? Where are they?

Aster: We’re here, Dad! We are your family!

Selene: He’s joking, you Goblin!

Aster: Shut up, “Big Larda”!

Diana: That’s enough! Both of you!

Clark: Mom is right: stop it now, or there won’t be ice-cream for anybody! I mean it. No more name calling, okay?

Selene: But, Daddy: aren’t we immune to this Covid stuff?

Diana: We are, Lena, but Dad and I have a duty to set an example to others. We are privileged, but we need to see the bigger picture.

Clark: Besides, we must not parade our immunity in front of much vulnerable people. It would seem like laughing in their faces. Even if we’re impervious, we can carry the virus with us and transmit it to the folks we come in contact with. 

Diana: We can’t deliver the wrong message.

Selene: Okay. Why don’t we end the problem once and for all?

Diana: May be we can, but we have to give humanity the chance to try and solve their problems themselves. As Daddy says: “we can’t carry them straight to the top, we can only...”

Selene and Aster: “...help them up when they trip and fall.”

Clark: Exactly. And accompany them in their journey. In this cases, we intervene when things get way out of hand, or they will start to depend on us for anything and stop thinking for themselves.

Aster: Is it bad not thinking for ourselves?

Diana: Thinking for yourself is the best way to really learn. Let you to think for yourself is the best gift anybody can give you. Daddy and I can teach you a lot of things, but it is up to you and your analysis of those things to create your own personality and knowledge. Imagine your head is a library and Dad and me are filling it with books, all kinds of books: if you can’t think for yourself, there won’t be any organization. You are the librarian who organizes everything in your personal order, to connect those books with others of the same content. So far, you need guidance. The day will come when you get good at it, and won’t need any help. When people learn to think for themselves, it will come a time, perhaps, when they won’t need our help.

Clark: It doesn’t matter if you don’t completely understand all this right now: just remember what you can. In time you’ll find out the meaning.

Aster: I’ll try, Daddy. Lena: did you find out yet?

Selene: What I’ve found out so far is it takes a lifetime to do it. The important thing is keep on trying. It’s like having a baby brother: it sucks, but you get used to it. You may even enjoy it sometimes.

Clark: Enough with the learning moment. What you say we have a marathon of movies and junk food?

Diana shot a disapproving look in Clark’s direction.

Clark (with an apologetic tone): Just for today...?

Diana: Just for today.

Clark, Selene and Aster: Yaaay!

Clark: What do you want to watch?

A battle of propositions and rejections followed, from “that is too childish” to “ugh! That’s a girl’s movie!”. Until Clark said:

Clark: What if we start with “The Incredibles”? I’ve heard it’s funny and not entirely for kids. Besides, they could be us.

Selene: I’ve seen the first, I was your age back then, but not the sequel. It’s truly funny, and realistically shows the pain of having two baby brothers, emphasis on “baby”. Count me in.

Aster: I’ve seen both, but I don’t mind watching them again. 

Diana: All set, then: “The Incredibles” 1 and 2 it is.

Clark: I’ll make the popcorn. Lena: a hand, please?

Selene: Sure, Dad.

Aster: Bring me a soda!

Selene: Of course, “my Liege”. Move it and get it yourself!

Aster: Mom!

Clark: C’mon, Len, we’re already here. Let get sodas for everyone.

Selene: Ugh! I swear I’m gonna kill him one of these days!

The movie started and Clark asked:

Clark: Do I look like that?

Diana: Don’t be so self aware: it’s a cartoon. Besides, you’re not blond, thank Hera!

Clark: I’ll double my workout routine, beginning tomorrow.

Selene and Aster: Shhhh!

Diana (whispering in Clark’s ear): Please tell me I don’t have that enormous ass.

Clark (also whispering): Of course not!

Selene and Aster: Shhhhhhhhhh! We still can hear you!

Diana and Clark: Sorry!

Selene (pressing pause): Doesn’t the villain remain you of Luthor? Minus the hair, that is.

Clark: Believe it or not, Lex had red hair too before losing it.

Aster: Dad: what do you think of capes?

Clark: I’m in favor, of course. It’s not that terrible, once you learn to deal with them. And they look majestic while flying. But you will have to decide for yourselves. Granddad Jor wore capes, and so did the fathers of aunts Karen and Kari, my uncles Zor from both Kryptons. It’s tradition.

Diana: And Grandmamá Lyta wears one for ceremonial purposes

Aster: And masks? What do you think of masks? They look cool.

Diana: Your Dad didn’t wear them because he wanted people to trust him. It would be a pity to cover that handsome face (smiling at Clark)

Clark (smiling back at her): When  Mommy and I got together, the double personality made no sense anymore. We were not hiding our love to the World, and, if we did, Superman and Wonder Woman and Diana Prince and Clark Kent were two very similarly looking couples: tall, black hair, athletic build, etc.

Diana: People are not stupid: they would’ve connected the dots in no time, so we came clean. And it was a good thing to do: now we have time for our family, instead of wasting it in a job or trying to make another life as a civilian. 

Clark: In fact, it’s very liberating not to hide half of the time, although I miss the office sometimes. 

Diana: Look at uncles Bruce and Richard and the Robins: all, except Jason, have to work twice as much, and none of them have a real job.

Clark: Besides, just look at your sister: blue hair, 6′7″, a complete and total Kryptonian Amazon...and, before you say a word, you’ll be no different: as tall as her, if not taller, and the same build. You only lack the blue hair.

Aster: Why does she have...?

Selene: Are we done? Can we continue with the movie?

Aster: It was you who pressed “pause”.

Selene: Well: I’m done. Are you?

Aster: Yeah.

At the end of the first movie, everyone stood up and went to do their things.

Clark: Okay, people, the intermission is 15 minutes. Stretch your legs, if you have to.

Aster: It was very cool. 

Selene: See? It’s not important how much we squabble, if we’re united when it matters.

Aster (coming back from the bathroom): Mom: Why does Lena have blue hair?

Diana: Dad and I are the first couple of our kind, therefore, you both are the first of your species. It was predictable you would have some genetic peculiarities. There was some magic involved in your conception, don’t forget Daddy is from another world. Don’t get me wrong: we made sure you two will not come out as strange beings, with two heads and all that.

Aster: It would have been cool to have two heads!

Diana: Mmmmno. We’d had love you all the same, though. Anyway, Lena was the first, and her hair is proof of that. You two are special, only in her case, she showed it immediately. Don’t sweat: you can still grow a second head.

Aster (enthusiastically): Really?

Diana (throwing herself over her son): Naaah!

Selene: Don’t talk about me behind my back! It’s not polite. I can hear you, you know?. Superhearing, remember?

Diana: I’ll have to teach you both sign language, so we can keep some secrets in our family. 

Selene: You know sign language?

Diana: And Braille writing and reading. So does Dad. There’s also a language based on small taps on the other people’s hand, for those unfortunate who lost both, sight and hearing, called Tactile Signing. If we want to help, we must be able to communicate with everyone, back and fore.

Selene: I want to learn! I’m starting tomorrow!

Diana: How about you, Ast? Your sis is giving you the chance of starting early.

Aster: I would hate she talking to you and me not understanding it. I’m in.

Clark: Two minutes and the show will continue!

Once everybody was sitting, the second part began. Half way to the projection, it was Aster who pressed pause.

Aster: Mom, Dad: do you need to have a job?

Clark: We don’t really need it. Mommy and I can get anything we need, and so will you someday. We could have one, if we want it, but our work protecting humanity and raising you takes precedence.

Diana: Dad and I can find all kinds of minerals men consider precious and extract it with our bare hands.

Selene: If they want it, they can be richer that Luthor, Mr. Terrific and uncle Bruce combined.

Clark: But the pursue of riches is not a priority. Some time back, Mommy and I designed the basics for nuclear fusion based energy supply, which is sustaining our home, the rest of the Fortress and some parts of Themyscira. We gave the blueprints to Mr. Holt and uncle Bruce, so they could adapt it for human usage. Mr. Holt wanted to make it into a business, but uncle Bruce and I prevented it. It wasn’t an evil thing what Michael wanted to do, from a mundane perspective, but if the whole planet was going to benefit of the findings, we better let corporations and businesses out of the picture, We convinced him with only two words: “Fair Play”. 

Diana: Lex hated us: he lost a ton of money and four of his energy corporations rolled the curtains down definitely. We made sure the employees left without a job, were absorbed by Wayne Enterprises and Holt Industries.

The movie continued. At some point, Selene interrupted it.

Selene. Mom, Dad: is it so easy to take over somebody’s mind, like in the movie?

Diana: Depends on whose mind. If the person is in need of something or lacking other things, like Elastigirl here, it’s easier to invade someone’s mind, the invaders has to take advantage of the weaknesses of that person. If Dad or any of you are in some peril, my state of mind will be compromised and I would constitute an easy target.

Selene: How can we prevent that kind of happenstances? Specially in our particular situation.

Clark: Being very careful, knowing all the time the others are safe. That’s why is so important to be always in communication with each other.

Diana: It’s not invasion of privacy, it’s just caution. We won’t stop you from living your life, we won’t use tracers or any kind of location devices: we are asking you to keep us informed. You’ll understand when you have children of your own.

Clark: There are individuals with immense power no mind can resist, like Maxwell Lord...

Selene: Who is that?

Diana: No longer a problem.

Clark: ...in those cases, we have to be patient and look for an opening. There’s always a mistake these people make: too confident and underestimating their opponent. There’s always, in the back of your mind, a vestige of consciousness. And Mommy’s Lasso of Truth will protect its bearer and it can reverse the process in others.

Selene: I see. But there’s always a risk.

Diana: Our occupation is always a risk. We must be prepared. Even if you don’t want to follow our steps, problems will reach you because of who you are, I’m sorry. It’s like being the offspring of someone very rich: there’s always a virtual target on your backs.

Clark: But life is beautiful and worth living, don’t let potential dangers take that away. People in other situations than ours are also in other kind of perils. Is a constant no living being can escape.

Diana: Animals in the wild are always at the mercy of predators. 

Clark: Ours are just another kind of predators.

Selene: I think I get the idea, but I have to ruminate on it.

Clark: Sure, baby. Take your time.

Diana: We are here for any question.

Selene: Thank you. Let’s finish the movie, please. Hey, Astroboy! Wake up!

Aster: Uh? Are we done?

Selene: Welcome to the land of the living.

Aster: Can we finish the movie now?