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missmentelle · 3 years ago

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could you explain some of the differences between how adhd affects executive function and how depression or other illnesses do? i think i definitely struggle with executive dysfunction but i don’t have a diagnosis yet (hopefully once i can go back to my college campus in fall) and i’ve been told it can look kinda similar in this aspect

Untangling the relationship between ADHD, executive dysfunction and depression can be sort of like trying to figure out where a perfect circle starts and stops - these things often go together, and separating them is more challenging than you might think.

But let's stop for a minute and look at what ADHD and depression look like on their own.

ADHD is a neurological disorder that affects the brain's ability to regulate attention and impulses. It's a common misconception that ADHD is "a lack of attention span" or "a short attention span" - people with ADHD cannot regulate their attention spans properly. It is hard for them to stay focused on tasks they aren't interested in, but it's equally hard for them to tear themselves away from tasks they are very interested in. I have ADHD, and it's not unusual for me to work on something I'm very interested in for 10-12+ hours straight, without stopping to eat, shower or do other things that I'm supposed to do.

The most common symptoms of ADHD are:

hyperactivity - the person may be fidgety, restless, and struggle to sit still

poor impulse control - they may spend money they shouldn't on impulse purchases, drive too quickly, or otherwise make reckless decisions they wouldn't make if they were made to stop and think about it

prone to distractions or losing focus

hyperfocus - this means focusing on an interesting task for hours, to the point that other important tasks or even basic self-care are neglected

poor concentration

inattentiveness - they may be prone to spacing out and daydreaming

difficulties with planning, time management and with being on time - deadlines tend to be difficult for them

a tendency to lose things - difficulties keeping track of belongings and important documents

difficulties with organization - living spaces, offices and desks are often a disaster

low frustration tolerance - they are easily frustrated and have a hard time coping with frustration in healthy ways

difficulty following directions - they may rush through instructions and make careless mistakes

difficulty waiting their turn - in adults, this often manifests as interrupting or talking over other people constantly

People who are diagnosed with ADHD will not have every symptom, and symptoms may change as you age. Men and boys, for instance, are more prone to having hyperactive and impulsive symptoms, which is one of the reasons why ADHD is more commonly diagnosed in males - those symptoms are quite visible. Women and girls, on the other hand, are more likely to have inattentive symptoms without hyperactivity, which often leads to them being labelled as "ditsy" or "spacey" without their ADHD being recognized.

Depression, on the other hand, is a mood disorder that can affect many different processes in the brain, including executive functioning. Some of the executive function issues that you can experience with depression include:

“brain fog” - an experience where your thinking feels slow, fuzzy or disorganized

difficulties concentrating

forgetfulness, issues with short-term memory

memory loss, issues recalling long-term memories

easily distracted

delayed mental processing, slow reaction times

difficulties with problem-solving and decision-making - often manifests as the person being indecisive and unable to make up their mind

The reason that it can be tough to detangle ADHD from depression, however, is that ADHD can often be a major contributor to depression - or at least, the social impact of living with ADHD can contribute to depression. The world is simply not build for people with ADHD brains, and trying to exist in a world that’s not built for your brain is exhausting, especially when everyone around you seems to manage it so easily. When you struggle to be on time, meet deadlines and stay organized, you’re going to meet with a lot of failure in your life. The struggles often start in school - kids with ADHD have a hard time sitting still, paying attention and getting homework done, which leads to poorer grades and more school failure. College acceptance rates are lower for kids with ADHD (22% of kids with ADHD are accepted to college vs 77% of non-ADHD kids) and the college graduation rate is much lower (5% of adults with ADHD have graduated college, vs 35% of non-ADHD adults). And those struggles follow people into the workforce - 55% of adults with ADHD have been fired from a job, vs 23% of the general population.

Living with ADHD can also cause problems with relationships. When you struggle with impulse control, are unreliable about answering messages and tend to show up late to dates, it can be more difficult for you to start and maintain friendships and romantic relationships. When you struggle with basic life skills or financial management (as many people with ADHD do) that can also be a major cause of frustration for long-term partners. The divorce rates for couples with an ADHD spouse may be as much as double the average divorce rate, and people with ADHD go through more sexual partners in their lifetime (the average for people with ADHD is 18.6 partners, vs 6.5 for the general population).

It can be extremely discouraging to constantly feel like you aren’t living up to your potential and that you’re letting other people down. It can be very difficult to watch the people around you seem to effortlessly manage things that you struggle to do, no matter how hard you try. It can feel like you’re trying to climb out of a slippery well while someone has their boot on your forehead - no matter how hard you struggle, you just can’t seem to get ahead. All of these things can contribute to high rates of depression and anxiety among people with ADHD. It’s a vicious cycle - their executive function causes life circumstances that lead to depression, which leads to worse executive functioning, which leads to worse life circumstances, etc.

The good news for those of us with ADHD is that proper treatment can significantly interrupt this vicious cycle. Many people with ADHD can improve their quality of life by receiving treatment for ADHD. Getting treatment for depression can also improve your quality of life and make it easier to manage ADHD. Making lifestyle adaptations (like finding a career with flexible hours, finding an understanding partner, having a cleaning service come in once in a while) can also make it easier to manage ADHD, and to succeed while living with it. ADHD and depression often go hand-in-hand, but it’s possible to overcome them and find ways to manage them. Best of luck to you! MM

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eclecticvalor · 4 years ago

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7 Things I experience as a DID System. Mental Health Awareness Month.

In light of May being America’s mental health awareness month, I wanted to talk about something that has consumed my entire life for the past year and a half: Treatment and healing from a disorder that is stigmatised into the ground by poor representation and misunderstandings both socially and in the medical field. Those who are close to me know first hand how my symptoms and experiences have shaped the way I interact with the world since starting treatment, but aside from my closest friends and family, and the people I live with, I don’t normally talk about the fact that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and what that means to me.

Hi. My name is Atlas, some people call me Cadyn, and I am the primary host of 26 fragmented parts of my consciousness. I am not dangerous, none of my parts or alters are dangerous, and no, it is not like “Split”.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is a trauma based dissociative disorder listed in both the DSM IV and V, and is recognized as an uncommon disorder characterized by two or more distinct personality states existing within the same consciousness. These personality states come to be when natural childhood development is disrupted by severe, continued, or repetitive, trauma, the child has a natural inclination towards heavy dissociation, and a lack of adult or parental support to develop the means to cope with the things happening to them.

Unfortunately popular mental health media has seen an uptake in people viewing DID as a quirky “trait”, the ability to have functional imaginary friends living in your head... but in reality DID is a lot darker, a lot scarier, and isn’t something I’d wish upon my worst enemy. Because of this media spike I wanted to share 7 things that living with Dissociative identity disorder means to me

1. Amnesia

Living with DID means that I miss out on a lot of my life. A primary symptom of DID is amnesia. I have no solid memories before the age of 13, and the memories I do have are often skewed, incorrect, or completely false as my brain fought for a way to fill in gaps and cope with the loss of memory. I forget a lot, and not just things like forgetting where I left my wallet and keys, or forgetting the day - those do happen, but I also mean forgetting big things, important life experiences and things I wish with all my being that I could remember like my highschool graduation and my wedding reception.

I often forget important day to day things that make it difficult to maintain life as an adult, like doctors appointments, work schedules, meetings, and important daily tasks. I’ll forget that I’ve eaten at all that day and risk going days without eating, or overeating due to having no recollection of the last time I’d eaten. I forget birthdays (especially my own), anniversaries, and important holidays.

To an outsider, who has no idea what’s happening inside my head, this can come across as though I’m thoughtless or unreliable. That I am cold for forgetting an important date, or simply that I just don’t care when this very much is not the case.

2. Alienation

Oftentimes DID comes with a sense of alienation from people who you’re supposed to know. For me a really clear example of this is when I previously mentioned my childhood memories being skewed - I have a clear memory of a conversation I was having with some blood relatives a few years back in which I mentioned that one family member I had happy childhood memories of, and remembered playing together as kids, but with another family member they were practically a stranger to me. I had, and still have, no memories of ever spending time with them growing up, no memories of having any kind of relationship with them at all. My understanding of our relationship was that it was “forced” because we were family and our parents expected us to exist in the same space as we grew up, but that we never talked. But I was informed by a separate member of the family that I was very wrong, and this “stranger” was actually someone I had been close to growing up. This is a common experience with DID patients, and also a very frustrating one. It creates feelings of “You know me but I don’t know you”, and it’s extremely difficult to trust your own judgement of the people you know, because you often can’t tell if your judgement is skewed by your memories or lack thereof.

3. PTSD and Flashbacks

A diagnosis of C-PTSD (Or complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is required for a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder. This means that while the individual symptoms of DID can be frustrating, scary and sometimes depressing, the most difficult aspect of DID, and the most important to focus on in treatment is the PTSD symptoms.

PTSD symptoms in DID can be extremely powerful due to the additional dissociative aspect. This can mean that for a lot of DID patients, flashbacks can produce full blown body sensations, hallucinations and terrifying delusions. This is One thing that I find incredibly difficult to talk about, but I also believe is extremely important to understand. It can be embarrassing, shameful and while I only speak for myself in saying this, can cause a lot of guilt and grief. There have been times where I have been experiencing powerful flashbacks and did not recognize my own husband, resulting in lash outs and fear towards him being delusioned into thinking that he was out to hurt me, or had harmful intent for just existing in the same space as I was.

For me, a single wiff of a familiar smell, hearing a sound, a certain color, an idea, a name, a passing thought or comment can throw my previously stable mental state into one of pure panic, hyperventilation, hallucination, delusion, fight-flight-freeze and reactionary responses. Through treatment I’ve developed adaptive and healthy coping skills and management responses but trauma responses can be so quick, and so unexpected that I don’t always have time to process my coping skills before my body and mind respond in negative ways.

4. Decision making and skewed Behavior

Because living with DID, means living with a shared or fragmented consciousness, this often means that while I may not remember, my life is still being lived during my time of memory loss. Alters or parts will take control and operate my body, reacting to things, interacting with people, completing tasks and functioning. But oftentimes parts who take control are very different from myself, and make choices and decisions that I wouldn’t normally make, and sometimes decisions I wouldn’t *ever* make. An example of this is the fact that technically I am a conservative voter, despite myself as an individual having leftist or NDP views, or decisions to leave or apply for jobs and work positions that I have no interest in, or that I don’t even have the qualifications or physique to do, or leaving ones that I personally loved and excelled at. This also reflects a lot in everyday life in more subtle things, decisions like what food to eat, things to buy, activities to do shift between parts while they’re in control.

To outsiders this can look a lot like impulsivity, lack of self-control, or lack of a sense of identity. This is a huge reason why a lot of DID patients are often misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder because the behaviour between alters can be so drastically different that it can look a *lot* like manic or depressive states.

5. Denial and Dismissing Trauma

A very common experience among DID patients is denial and being dismissive or disregarding the things that happened to them. I often find myself in a state of questioning whether my symptoms, my disorder, and even my trauma were ever real to begin with. In therapy I find myself saying “It’s not that big of a deal” or “It wasn’t that big of a deal” more times than I’m actually saying anything productive. A huge part of this is why I wanted to make this list, because the media, and a lot of medical circles deny that DID exists or believe it’s impossibly rare and those, while both false, can cause intense feelings of “Maybe I’m just doing this for attention”. DID is a very real, very difficult disorder to diagnose, to treat, and to live with disorder, and while it is uncommon, statistics show that approximately 1-2% of western population is diagnosed, and up to a suspected 7% are living with the disorder undiagnosed because of these misconceptions. It is not common, and it’s not something that everyone is going to have, but it is a very possible response to very real trauma and is a valid diagnosis to give to those meeting the criteria.

6. Hidden Symptoms

DID is often referred to as a “covert” presenting disorder. What this means is that most commonly outsiders, friends, family, employers and even the patient themselves can have a nearly impossible time recognizing the symptoms, and it often goes unnoticed until an event destabilizes the function of the person’s life. This can lead to a lot of backlash or denial coming from peers and family close to the person. This leads to the patient hearing a lot of: “I’ve never noticed personality changes”, “You don’t act like you have it”, “You couldn’t possibly have that”, “No, I would have noticed”, “You have to be mistaken”, “There’s no way, it would have been obvious”. And so, so much more. The reality of DID is that it’s *not* noticeable. It’s a safety response that the brain created to protect the psyche from the intense damages that come with long term trauma experiences, so it’s often designed to hide itself from abusers or perceived threats as a way to compartmentalize trauma memories and maintain the ability to survive through stress and unstable situations. Not being able to “notice” is kind of the point in most cases.

7. Wandering and Dissociative Episodes

Living with untreated or unmanaged DID can potentially be dangerous due to episodes of dissociation, “wandering” experiences (where the patient will wander away from home, family, or life in a confusion, attempt to return to a perceived life never lived, or in a state of belief that their current life is unsafe). For me this took a head last year, and was actually an event that led to the solidification that this disorder was the explanation to my experiences. According to nurses and my husband, I had wandered into the emergency room of a hospital in the middle of the night, with no idea who or where I was, with no idea how to return home, or even where home was. I was wearing a t-shirt, and it had been raining, and my body was so cold they needed to retake my vitals nearly 6 times because they were unable to get an appropriate reading. After discovering my identity, my husband was called to take me home. Working with a therapist helped to develop a safety plan during events like this to prevent harm from coming to my body, or from ending up in newly traumatic environments, but I was lucky. These situations can lead to re-traumatization, victimization, it can lead to kidnapping, assault, it can lead to being injured or harmed by environmental factors and so much more and it is so incredibly important that DID patients work with their therapist to develop solid safety plans proactively to make sure that the patient doesn’t experience any worst case scenarios during episodes like this.

Conclusion

My experiences are individual to me, and to my psyche. Not everyone will experience the disorder the same way, because not everyone experiences or responds to trauma the same way. I am so lucky, and extremely privileged to be able to access consistent care and treatment, that I found a professional who trusts me, and is focused on stabilizing and supporting. Too many people living with this disorder have no access to supportive mental health care because of the misconceptions that parts of the medical field hold regarding the legitimacy or frequency that the disorder develops, and too many peers and circles of people outcast or disregard the very real, very difficult experiences because they don’t understand the disorder, or believe it doesn’t exist, or believe it looks like split. If you, or someone you know is struggling with Dissociative symptoms, or dissociative identity disorder do not be afraid to reach out to a professional for support, and educate yourself on the reality of the disorder.

#dissociative identity disorder #DID System #dissociation #mental health awareness #mental illness #mentalhealthawareness #mental health #actuallydissociative #dissociative amnesia #education #psychotherapy #experience #actuallytraumatized #trauma #actuallydid #did/osdd

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flightfoot · 5 years ago

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Divergent Points - Feast

AO3/FFN

Previous installment: Divergent Points - Weredad

Turning Points

Inspired partly by this conversation I had with @fearlessinger

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Plagg curled up against Adrien, purring. It’d taken a long time for Adrien to fall asleep.

He didn’t blame him. He’d be having nightmares himself for a long time after this.

Plagg had been separated from a lot of his cats. Most of the time, it was bittersweet. On the one hand, it’s hard to be around a person a lot who wasn’t COMPLETELY despicable and not grow to care about them, at least a little.

On the other hand…

Tikki got the “nice” wielders and the “nice” powers. Sugarcube got paired with idealistic, inventive users who would quickly become fast friends with her. At worst, they’d see her mostly as a tool.

But at least she wasn’t usually considered a THREAT.

Plagg’s wielders tended to fall into two categories; the cautious wielders and the unrestrained wielders.

The cautious wielders were usually wielders he was assigned to by some outside force. The Order of the Guardians, for example. He might get to pick among a few different candidates if the person in charge was extremely generous, but this was a rare privilege.

The most dangerous kwami were rarely allowed that kind of freedom.

And he was considered the most dangerous of them all.

Those cautious wielders were chosen for their ability to temper both their destructive impulses and his own, keeping him on a tight leash. They were rarely outright malicious about it, and if he really, truly wanted to he could probably leave… well, most of the time.

But then he’d have to leave his friends behind. And if the person was mistreating him badly enough that he was at the end of his rope and WANTED to leave…

The monk who had created the Miraculous in the first place in order to allow Kwamis to physically manifest, had also built a safeguard into every Miraculous, just in case the spirits he was trying to pull into the physical plane turned out to be malicious.

Not a totally unreasonable precaution, but it screwed him and all the other kwamis over. They’d never figured out a way to undo the compulsion, and he suspected that most of his wielders hadn’t really wanted to, either.

If his wielder was terrible enough that he wanted to bolt? It was very rare he’d be able to.

He sympathized with poor Nooroo. He’d been in that position often enough.

In those cases, he was lucky if he just wanted to leave because he felt stifled or ignored or unwanted, and his wielder was just enough of a jackass that they wouldn’t let him go or listen to him.

The unrestrained wielders were often far worse.

If he ended up with one of them, it was usually due to something going horribly wrong. His ring falling out of the Miracle box and getting lost, for instance, like what happened to Duusu and Nooroo. Or more commonly, being stolen from one of his other wielders.

With the wielder being either random or an outright thief, he’d rarely had a good time with those wielders, at least not for long. Some of them could be okay at first, giving him more freedom than he’d normally have and not treating him like he was about to launch a cataclysm at any moment.

But they were often the worst ones, because unlike the cautious wielders, they often became corrupted, if they weren’t already. The power to destroy ANYTHING, very, very easily, was a heady power, especially in the wrong hands.

He was often glad to go back to a cautious wielder after his miraculous was inevitably removed from the offender. The cautious wielders wouldn’t make him kill anyone.

Over time he’d just… tried to stop caring. Make light of destroying the dinosaurs, of sinking Atlantis, of any mistake he’d ever made, and it wouldn’t hurt as much to have it thrown back in his face.

Then he was given to Adrien.

At first, he thought this would be just like the other cases where he was assigned; given to a cautious wielder who’d be nice enough, but was ultimately there to control him. Yeah this kid was a lot younger than his usual wielders – while some of the other kwami were assigned to kids for bonding purposes, the Order of the Guardians usually assigned him to adults, who wouldn’t be influenced or persuaded by him as much – and he hadn’t been raised as a monk or even really been vetted much, but Fu had chosen him. Considering how cautious and fearful Fu was of Plagg going out of control, he doubted that the monk would’ve chosen any sort of loose cannon or free spirit as his wielder.

He’d underestimated Fu’s desperation and lack of vetting.

When Fu’d said that he’d found the right wielder for him, he’d known that Fu wouldn’t have been able to look deeply into the wielder’s background or get to know them – they were operating on only a few hours of notice. It’d made him pretty nervous about the type of person he might get, honestly. He’d seen even people who appeared nice and kind slowly become corrupted and dangerous over time.

With only having a few hours to research? There was no telling whether the wielder would be decent even at the outset.

Turns out, Fu’s actual vetting process wasn’t even THAT extensive. Wayzz had told him later that Fu had just randomly tried to walk into the middle of a busy street to see whether anyone would help him, and decided that the first person to help should be Tikki’s wielder. For finding Chat Noir, he just randomly acted like he was super frail, dropping his cane and pretending he couldn’t get up, and waited to see who’d help him. Adrien did, so Fu decided that he’d be Plagg’s wielder.

Honestly he was lucky that Adrien was as famous as he was, otherwise Fu wouldn’t have been able to find out where he lived. At least with Marinette, he’d been able to see her leaving her house beforehand.

…Okay, maybe he was being a little harsh on Fu’s vetting. He genuinely had almost no time to work with, and his tests at least established whether that person cared about the APPEARANCE of being a kind, helpful person.

Plagg shuddered. It was a good thing Lila hadn’t been around at that point. She probably would’ve passed the tests. She at least knew it was a good idea to appear helpful and kind. Made it easier to manipulate people later.

But it hadn’t been Lila.

It had been Adrien.

Even the first time he met Adrien, he liked him.

The kid was bright-eyed and thrilled to see him. Still, just because he was thrilled right off the bat didn’t mean much. Plagg had wanted to make a good first impression – they’d probably be working together for awhile after all – but also test him a bit. Feel out where the boundaries were and how controlling Adrien would be. So he gave a little test. Flying around the room trying to eat everything sounded like a great way to test his patience and his new wielder’s problem-solving capabilities.

Also it was just plain fun. He’d never have been able to get away with this in the temple!

Adrien had gotten annoyed, but nothing worse than that. Had to compliment the kid’s acrobatic skills too. The leap off his climbing wall was impressive, to say the least.

He’d given Adrien the usual spiel about not telling anyone about him, keeping his identity secret, his powers, etc. Well, maybe wasn’t fast enough on explaining his powers. Kid jumped the gun a bit on that one.

After he’d told Adrien some basics about the Miraculous, he’d gone and spread toilet paper all over his room. To his surprise, Adrien didn’t seem to care much. Around that time he’d realized that while Fu may have thought that he’d given Plagg to a cautious wielder, that definitely wasn’t the case. A cautious wielder would’ve lectured him about making a mess, probably in that calm, authoritative voice they often had. Better than the yelling he’d gotten from some of his unrestrained wielders at least.

And then…

“But I'm stuck here! I'm not even allowed to go to school! What good is a superhero who's imprisoned in his own house!”

That was the first glimpse he’d gotten of Adrien’s frustrations.

The first glimpse of the similarities between the two of them.

Their imprisonment, their caution, were for different reasons. People feared Plagg and tried to, if not imprison him, control and restrict him at least. Adrien’s father (and Plagg used that term in a loose sense) at least claimed that he was imprisoning and controlling his son to try to keep him safe. Considering how he acted whenever Adrien did something that was perfectly safe, but that didn’t benefit Gabriel and ESPECIALLY when it threatened his control? He had his doubts. Plagg had had enough wielders justify enslaving him as “keeping everyone else safe from destruction” that he knew the type.

At least Adrien had the Dupain-Chengs now. He may not have been willing to run away to stay with them permanently – yet – but they were there for him. He had a safe place to go with adults who cared about him as a person rather than what he could do for them.

Sadly, he couldn’t say that about any other adults in Adrien’s life. Gorilla came closest, but even then the most he’d really been able to do was look the other way when Adrien needed a bit more freedom than he was technically allowed. He wasn’t really able to give him the support he needed.

Plagg winced a little. While he’d given Adrien some support even early on, he tried not to give too much. Get too attached. The kid was nice and a lot more fun than most of his other wielders, but… well, he’d been burned a lot.

But Adrien had a way of worming his way into even Plagg’s cheese-obsessed heart.

He’d get annoyed with Plagg, but never in a way that suggested he was a burden or unwanted.

He genuinely enjoyed spending time with Plagg, even if most of it was just Plagg sitting around eating cheese.

Most importantly, Adrien NEEDED him. Not just for his abilities – though for that too – but as a person.

Adrien was lonely. Even when he did get to hang out with his friends – which wasn’t as often as he liked, and was prone to changing at a moment’s notice – he still didn’t feel comfortable showing all of him. He had a lot of feelings he kept repressed, that he felt like he HAD to keep repressed, because that’s what he’d been taught to do. And if he stepped out of line where his father could see… well, it wouldn’t be the first time that Gabriel had threatened to pull him from school.

Plagg had been the first person who was always there for him. Who couldn’t be taken away. Who he could express all sides of himself around. Anger, frustration, adoration… everything. Even as Chat, he mostly just let out the part of him he didn’t feel safe showing normally. He still didn’t really show every side of his personality.

Plagg had always been the one who people felt like they needed to teach and lecture.

He’d never needed to be the one to teach and provide support instead.

It made him feel needed. Wanted. In a way he’d never been before.

And this kid…

He looked at Adrien’s sleeping face as he twitched, making small distressed noises.

Plagg snuggled up against him harder. “Don’t worry, kitten,” he whispered. “I won’t leave you. Not forever. I’ll always come back.”

Somewhere along the way, Adrien had turned from just a kid, to being HIS kitten.

He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when the change had occurred. It just kind of… was. But he knew when he first suspected it.

Adrien hated being left in the dark. Feeling like he wasn’t trusted. Wasn’t wanted.

But it wasn’t Plagg’s place to bring him to Fu without a very good reason. Not when Fu could’ve gone to Adrien at any time and chosen not to.

Plus – well, there was a more selfish reason.

He was afraid that Fu would interfere in the bond he had with his kitten. Teach him about how uncontrollable and dangerous destruction was, how out of control Plagg’s powers could get, and that he should keep him on a tight leash.

Even as Adrien’s frustration grew, Plagg still didn’t give in, though he was tempted. And not just by exotic stinky cheeses, though those WERE tempting.

Then Adrien reached the end of his rope. He took off his Miraculous and detransformed, believing that it genuinely didn’t matter whether he was around or not. That he wasn’t needed, that no one would notice or care if Chat just… didn’t show up.

That’s when Plagg realized just how much he cared about Adrien. And how much his kitten needed to hear that. That HE would care if Adrien wasn’t Chat Noir. If he didn’t see him again.

I will!

Why? Because you won't have anyone to give you Camembert?

Oh, I'm sure there'll be another Chat Noir to give me cheese... but he won't be you.

That’s what Adrien needed. People who genuinely trusted and respected him as a person, and not as a tool. Who valued his feelings and opinions.

As nervous as Plagg had been about how Fu’s interference could affect his bond with Adrien, he was glad he’d showed up right then. That Marinette had cared about her partner’s distress over the seeming lack of trust – of not even having enough information to know WHY he was being left in the dark – to push Fu into talking to Adrien directly. To showing Adrien that it wasn’t that Ladybug didn’t trust him or believe they were equals, but that it was just Fu’s commands, and it wasn’t her secret to tell.

Even if it meant that Adrien might put him on a tighter leash, if meeting with Fu helped Adrien… well, he’d survived being restricted before.

But that hadn’t happened. In either sense.

Sure, Fu had met with Adrien ONCE – but that was it. Only once. And only after being pressured first.

Plagg kept on waiting for Fu to contact Adrien again. He might not be able to hand out his address – with Marinette visiting regularly, there was too much chance of them bumping into each other – but he could still drop by and visit Adrien. Or even ask Ladybug to arrange a private meeting between him and Chat Noir, if he couldn’t get to Adrien without being spotted.

But he just… hadn’t.

Plagg had entertained the idea of asking him on one of the occasions he himself went back over there, but he doubted he’d get a satisfying answer. It hadn’t seemed worth having a confrontation about at the time.

Even at that point though, he still wasn’t quite ready to tell Adrien everything. He trusted Adrien, he really did, but… well, old habits die hard. He was terrified that this would all end, and Adrien would turn cold and controlling, like some of his other wielders.

Which was why for Nooroo’s birthday, he created a stand-in and didn’t tell Adrien that he was leaving. They were already going behind Fu’s back to do this. Going behind his wielder’s back just seemed normal. Natural.

When Tikki had told him that she’d just told her own wielder exactly what she was doing, he wasn’t surprised. Tikki rarely got the controlling ones. Telling the truth rarely had negative repercussions for her.

Then the akuma happened.

And Plagg hadn’t been there.

When Adrien had needed him most, he WASN’T THERE.

And Adrien didn’t even know what’d happened to him.

He’d flown back to Adrien as quickly as he could.

Finding him imprisoned in his room, alone, desperately pulling on bars he KNEW wouldn’t bend - he’d known that Adrien feared being imprisoned. That he lived in a gilded cage, one that Gabriel would open the door of occasionally, but that Adrien always had to return to lest he lose that right.

And worse than being imprisoned? Being alone.

Without even knowing why the person he’d cared for, the person who’d cared for HIM, had vanished.

He’d felt pretty guilty after that, especially seeing Tikki and Marinette affirm how much they trusted each other.

Because honestly?

He trusted Adrien too.

He might have hang-ups about his previous wielders, but taking that out on Adrien was unfair. And that day, it had hurt him. Badly.

So when Adrien had told him that he knew what it was like to have his freedom restricted, that he didn’t need to sneak around to leave – that was when he’d decided.

His previous wielders were his previous wielders. They were NOT Adrien.

And it was high time he returned the trust that Adrien had placed in him.

Because Adrien placed a LOT of trust in him. He didn’t even fear his powers! Everyone else was always worried about Plagg going out of control and destroying everything, even his fellow kwamis.

Adrien had never doubted him.

On Heroes Day, he showed no fear or trepidation about Plagg causing a little destruction in the street to let Adrien escape from Gorizilla and transform. He KNEW he could do it. And when he did? When he managed to keep his powers in check himself, only causing as much destruction as was needed? Adrien had patted him on the head and called him his hero.

Now it was time to be Adrien’s hero again.

Carefully, he extricated himself from Adrien’s side. Now would be the WORST time to wake him. Seeing Plagg gone after what he’d just been through? Would be his worst nightmare.

But at least Adrien still had the ring this time. He’d know that Plagg hadn’t been stolen. And he trusted that Plagg would come back.

Still, best to be back before Adrien noticed he was gone.

He looked back at Adrien – his wielder, his best friend, his kitten – and flew off into the night.

Fu was sound asleep when he arrived.

Unsurprising. Feast being around wouldn’t have been conducive to sleep, even if Fu HADN’T pulled his little escapade during the middle of the night.

He was probably exhausted after the kind of day he’d had.

Unfortunately for Fu, Plagg, frankly, didn’t give a crap about that.

If he didn’t want to do this now? Tough luck.

“WAKE UP!”

Fu startled awake, flailing wildly.

“WHA-?”

Wayzz appeared at his side. “Plagg, what are you doing here? Master needs his sleep.”

Plagg growled. “Well, he should’ve THOUGHT of that before KIDNAPPING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!”

“I had to,” Fu mumbled groggily, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. “Feast would’ve eaten Adrien and Marinette otherwise.”

Plagg glared at Fu, then took a deep breath. “You were willing to put your own life in danger from Feast, but not theirs. You believed that taking their Miraculous was the only way to keep them safe. Fine. I can respect that.”

“What I CAN’T respect is everything you did surrounding that.”

Fu looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“You gave me and Tikki to Marinette and Adrien with almost no explanation, no training, and no support. And I was fine with that at first! Just sink or swim, either they’d manage or they wouldn’t.”

“But then I got to know them better. And I got to CARE about them. Fu, Marinette is drowning in her responsibilities. I don’t get to see as much of her as I do Adrien, but- well, she’s not subtle about it, and Chat’s one of the few people she can open up to about it. It’s gotten better recently since she can talk to Alya and Nino about it as well –“

Fu’s head shot up. “What! Alya and Nino know her identity?”

Oops. He didn’t mean to let that little fact slip.

“For how long?! Marinette knows the rule-“

Oh HELL no.

“THAT IS A STUPID-ASS RULE!” Plagg shouted. The shop shook slightly, his destructive energy leaking out – though thankfully not enough to actually cause permanent damage.

Still, he needed to reign himself in. Destroying Fu – or the rest of Paris – was not on his agenda.

He wanted to shake Fu and make him understand what he was doing wrong, not make him go the way of the dinosaurs.

Once everything stopped shaking, he took another deep breath and continued. “I understand the reason you don’t want anyone else to know their identities. If Hawkmoth akumatized or just had the right mind control akuma take control of that person, their identities could be jeopardized, putting them, as well as Tikki and I, in danger.”

“But you know what? NOT having anyone else know their identities is ALSO dangerous.”

“They’ve both been suffocating, Fu. Marinette in her responsibilities and the pressure to maintain her double life, and Adrien with not being able to really show all sides of himself, and of having very little stable support.”

Fu frowned. “Marinette is a bright young woman who has handled the Ladybug Miraculous admirably, and Adrien seems to have managed well enough before now.”

Plagg bit back some nasty curses. Best not to destroy the shop. Or Fu, he guessed. “Yes, they’ve MANAGED. Which is more of a testament to how resilient they are than anything you’ve done. But the point is, just because they’ve MANAGED doesn’t mean that they should be expected to! They’re only FOURTEEN. They need more support and help than you’ve given them – than you can provide. Alya and Nino give them that. They were able to take babysitting off Marinette’s shoulders, help them sneak out when they need to transform, and just generally have their backs!”

“Wait, so they know not only Marinette’s, but also Adrien’s-“

Plagg flew up to Fu’s face, an inch from his nose. “If you even THINK about taking me away from Adrien again, I will cataclysm you where you stand.”

“Plagg!” Wayzz shouted, dismayed. “How could you threaten-“

“How could I? HOW COULD I?!” Plagg screamed. Vases started to rattle.

Deep breaths, Plagg. Think of cheese. Lovely, delicious, stinky cheese.

After getting a handle on himself, he spoke, struggling to keep his voice level. “You have no idea what waking up to find me gone DID to Adrien. What that’s like for him.”

Fu frowned. “I know he’s your friend, but he survived before I gave you to him-“

Plagg growled, quivering with rage. “SURVI-“

He cut himself off as the shop started to shake again.

“PLAGG, GET CONTROL OF YOURSELF!” Wayzz yelled, positioning himself in front of Fu.

As much as Plagg hated to admit it, Wayzz was right. He needed to calm down.

Mmmm… Adrien with Camembert… Camembert bread straight from the Dupain-Cheng Bakery (seriously why couldn’t they just live there, human laws were stupid)… Marinette and Adrien kissin-

Nope. Nopenopenope. He’d seen enough of that. Those two were gross together, why would that even come up when thinking of calming things?

(He steadfastly ignored the warmth that filled his chest when he saw the two of them finally able to be together and happy. It was warmth from eating tons of cheese bread, that was all).

Ok. Back to yelling at Fu. He NEEDED to understand this.

“Do you know what his life was like before he met me?” Plagg hissed.

Fu blinked. “He’s grown up wealthy, so he’s never wanted for anything – except going to school. He models a lot, though he only started doing that in the past year, after-“

Fu’s eyes widened, realization dawning. “After his mother went missing…” he ended softly.

“Do you get it now? At least that small part of it?” Plagg asked.

“He probably had flashbacks to when his mother disappeared,” Fu murmured. “Thinking that he was losing someone else he cared about, so soon after losing a parent.”

“Yeah.” Plagg deflated slightly. “That hit him pretty hard, but he’s persevered and done REALLY well despite that. Especially considering – well, you know what you said regarding him ‘never wanting for anything’? That’s not true. At all. Him not getting to go to school? That’s the tip of the iceberg. Gabriel – that man does NOT deserve the title of ‘father’ – has kept him isolated from people for basically his whole life. Maybe his mother too, I’m not sure, I’ve been afraid to pry too much. She’s a sensitive topic, and even I know better than to stick my paw in that.”

“Anyway, Adrien’s only friend growing up was little miss cause-of-half-the-akumas-in-Paris CHLOE, and even THAT was mostly because Gabriel saw some value in having his kid be friends with the mayor’s daughter! And once Emilie went missing, he didn’t even allow Adrien to see HER! He was stuck all alone in his room with no one to talk to or support him right after losing his mother. And by ‘stuck’ I mean actually imprisoned, because yeah, Gabriel’s a DICK, and worse than that, he’s a RICH dick who can afford a security system that seals all entrances and exits in his house!

“Oh, and remember when I said Adrien was ‘alone’? Well I MEANT that. His father’s only left his house a handful of times since Emilie went missing, but does he spend any time with his son, who just lost his MOTHER? NO! He constantly makes Adrien cancel or just prevent him from making plans so they can eat together at least, but he only shows up maybe a fifth of the time! No apology, no nothing. Adrien has to drop everything to accede to his wishes, but he doesn’t even CARE enough to apologize on the few occasions when they DO see each other in person! He treats Adrien as an employee at best and an object at worst. He only holds value as long as he does EXACTLY what Gabriel says, and if he ‘fails’ him in any way – doesn’t do quite as well at a photoshoot, isn’t as perfect at piano-playing as Gabriel would like – he’s punished severely, often by taking away his ability to spend time with his friends, some of the only people who DO care about him as a person!”

“I care about Adrien!” Fu interjected, affronted.

“Do you?” Plagg growled. “You’ve only visited him ONCE, after Marinette asked you to. You’ve never asked me what his life was like or how he was feeling or doing, even though I’ve visited here a few times! So tell me, how have you showed that you care?!”

“Master was willing to let himself die to keep BOTH Adrien and Marinette safe,” Wayzz cut in. “Yes, Fu may have made some mistakes, but he DOES care.”

Plagg breathed out. “Ok, yeah. I’ll give him that. He was ready to sacrifice his life for them. But the way he did it – that didn’t exactly scream ‘I know and care about them as people’. He had you KIDNAP me ad Tikki, and he didn’t even give Adrien the luxury of knowing what was going on beyond a quick letter! The only reason he wasn’t completely lost on that was because Marinette texted him with details after talking to Fu, because she was TIRED of leaving her partner in the dark when he didn’t need to be.”

“Fu never gave me or Adrien the chance to protest or argue, present alternative plans or arguments. He never gave us the chance to decide. He just decided that that would be the best course of action, and that was that. No one else’s opinion mattered, because HE’D made a decision. If anyone protested? He shut them up.”

“Well…” Wayzz looked uncomfortable now.

“Oh.” Plagg’s voice lowered, his ears pinning back. Softly, he said, “He did it to you too, didn’t he? Shut you up when you started poking holes in his plan? When you said things that went against his decision?”

Wayzz squirmed, not looking Plagg in the eyes.

“..Yes,” Fu admitted, taking over from Wayzz. He walked over to the turtle kwami, cupping his hands, allowing him to rest in the bowl shape they formed. “I’m sorry, Wayzz. I should never have done that. I truly believed at the time that taking the Miraculous was the best move to protect them, but at the very least, I should never have tried to stop you from talking. To renounce you so I didn’t have to listen to your arguments.”

Wayzz just gave a small nod.

“You see the problem?” Plagg asked. “You care about other people’s lives – I’ll agree with that much – but you keep on forgetting that they’re people, and that they have the right to know information that affects them, to give their input, and to make their own decisions. Yes, Marinette and Adrien are young, but they’re the ones out on the field, not you. They have the right to know whatever they need to in order to make informed decisions – BOTH of them, not just Marinette. She normally takes the lead, and she’s damn good at it too, but don’t dump everything on her shoulders. Let her have support, let her lean on other people. And give other people the ability to provide that support. Yeah, you can’t tell both of them everything – there are some things even we kwami can’t be allowed to know, in case we’re compromised – but you can sure tell them more than you have. Like for instance, what happens when a Guardian renounces their Guardianship?

Fu flinched. “I don’t know how much longer I have before Hawkmoth catches up with me. I don’t want her to worry before then.”

Plagg’s tail lashed. “Oh sure, and you don’t think she might worry AT THE TIME?! I know she’s a superhero, but she’s still HUMAN! And she’s just a kid! I understand not wanting to worry her, but when you plan to dump the guardianship on her lap, she has a right to know what it comes with!”

“And that’s another thing – did you ever bother to really ASK her whether she was okay with being Guardian? Or did you just decide she would be?”

Fu looked at the ground, mumbling. “That’s how it’s always been done…”

“Yeah, and ‘how it’s always been done’ is STUPID,” Plagg said. “Look. Honestly? You’re a decent Guardian compared to some of the others I’ve had to put up with. But that’s not saying much, and Adrien and Marinette deserve better.”

As Fu opened his mouth, Plagg hastily added, “And by that I do NOT mean shove the Miracle Box onto Marinette and skip out of their lives! –well, let’s be honest, out of HER life, you’ve never done squat with Adrien.”

“The sad thing is? I’m not sure who has it worse – Marinette for being the one you shove everything onto, or Adrien for being left in the dark.”

Fu was quiet for a moment.

After a few tense moments, he spoke. “I knew I had failed as a Guardian – that I was never even really a Guardian in the first place – but I’d never realized I’d failed these young people so badly.”

Plagg nodded. “Yeah. You have. But that doesn’t mean you can just skip out because you did poorly. You made this mess. Now, you need to fix it as best you can.”

Fu nodded, determination shining in his eyes. “What do you recommend? Beyond what you’ve already said.”

“Well for one thing, actually try to get to KNOW Adrien. Talk to him, treat him as a person, not just a tool. Let Marinette and Adrien know that the secret identity rule is rescinded, reassure them that you won’t take their Miraculous, and that you’re ok with Alya and Nino knowing.”

Plagg hesitated a moment, but then plowed on. “And… this one really IS more of a suggestion, not an order. But. Maybe observe Alya and Nino and get to know them as well? I think they might also be good candidates for permanent Miraculous, and Nino might be a better Guardian candidate than Marinette. Not because she’s not perfectly capable – she’d make an awesome Guardian I’m sure – but because that’s really too much to dump on her, and to prevent hers and Chat’s relationship from becoming too imbalanced again. Divide the responsibility, so it’s not all resting on a single person’s shoulders – especially when they haven’t agreed to it, and don’t know what all it entails.”

Fu closed his eyes, contemplating. “If you think that’s best, then I’ll follow your suggestions. If there’s one thing this incident with Feast has taught me, it’s to listen to others seriously. And honestly – you’re right. About everything. And… I’m sorry.”

“Apologize to Marinette and Adrien, and try to fix this mess. THAT, will be a sufficient apology,” Plagg said.

Fu smiled. “I will.”

As Plagg flew towards the window, Fu called out, “Oh, and Plagg?”

Plagg stopped, turning around. “What?”

“Thank you.”

Plagg grinned. “Hey, I’ll give you a kick in the butt whenever you need it. Just – don’t need it again, alright?”

He flew off into the night, back towards his kitten.

It looked like things would change for the better.

#divergent points #ml fanfic #miraculous ladybug #feast #fix-it fic #Plagg #Master Fu #adrien agreste

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ice-cream-nekogirl · 5 years ago

Photo

The Zombie Trio~!

A trio of misfit teenagers and best friends who are tired of all the bullshit in their lives and taking a stand for themselves together. They’re fierce, sassy and powerful, but also silly and love to have a good time, especially with one another and the rest of their classmates in the Hero Course.

(From Left to Right): Ashlen Kyanse (OC), Amy Martinez (OC) and Hitoshi Shinsou (Canon)

Note: This is all fiction and part of a fanfiction that my girl @ashleigh-luvs-14cats and I collab on~! And I felt like making TV Tropes for our group that we made in the fanfics with Shinsou~! :3

Adorkable: The three of them are pretty quirky and dorky in ways that make them quite endearing, especially when they start singing and dancing together or taking goofy pictures and playing games with each other.

Affectionate Nickname: They give each other a LOT of cutesy nicknames.

Amy has ‘Ames’ (by both Shinsou and Ashlen), Witchy (by Ashlen) and Dummy (by Shinsou)

Ashlen has ‘Ash’ (by both Amy and Shinsou), Love (by Shinsou) and Honey (by Amy)

Shinsou has ‘Toshi’ (by both Amy and Ashlen), Tosh (by Amy) and My Heart (by Ashlen)

All of The Other Reindeer: All three of them have experienced rejection and bullying from their peers simply for being different from other people.

Amy was mocked for supposedly being ‘quirkless’ and then later when she discovers that she’s a witch, the pro-heroes felt too intimidated to care for her so they abandoned her and left her in the care of other witches. But even in America after the coven was outed to the world she was bullied by other witches for her quirky personality.

Ashlen had no friends in her school upon being moved to America and taken in by a rich family, because her peers thought she was snobby or dangerous to be around once some of her peers pretended to be her friend and discovered her second quirk.

Shinsou’s only real friend was Amy while other kids picked on him or made him a scapegoat because they called his quirk ‘villainous’ and he was ignored by his peers, who also called him a ‘future villain’ and as a result he had no other friends except for Amy.

Ambiguous Disorder: All three of them have some variety of undiagnosed mental health issues that shows up from time to time but it’s never confirmed.

Iida believes that Amy has some sort of Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder due to her mood swings, lashing out, risky behaviors, unstable relationships and extreme fear of abandonment. However, Amy’s inability to control her emotions and relationship difficulties and triggers that come from either certain events or certain people also highly resemble Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Although Amy also shows many signs of Depression as well since she’s had moments of self-loathing, suicidal thoughts and detaches herself from loved ones when her intrusive thoughts haunt her.

Ashlen, similarly, has several moments of anxiety, self-loathing, depression, panic attacks and overwhelming emotional reactions especially when she is triggered by her painful memories to the point where she needs her dog The Colonel for emotional support and takes medication to regulate her troubled emotions. Implying that she may have some sort of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or Depression, as she, like Amy, suffers from self-hatred and also has a poor self-image that adds to her own intrusive thoughts.

Likewise, Shinsou is prone to panic attacks, night terrors and anxiety when he’s overwhelmed, has poor sleeping patterns (that may indicate some form of insomnia), poor coping mechanisms (eating and over-indulgence) and moments of self-loathing, intrusive and troubling thoughts, and anxiety imply that like Amy and Ashlen, he may have some type of Depression.

Anti-Hero Team: All three of them count, while Amy and Shinsou are straight examples of anti-heroes by being selfish and/or rude troublemakers who look out mainly for themselves but still have the goal of being heroes and do occasionally do the right thing. Ashlen is more of a Classical Anti-Hero as her insecurities are the only thing holding her back rather than a compromised morality.

Badass Crew: They’re all capable of fighting villains on their own, but together they’re quite a force to be reckoned with as their classmates each dread the idea of taking on all three of them together as a crew due to Amy’s magic, Ashlen cancel quirk and Shinsou’s brainwashing.

Beauty, Brains and Brawn: Sweet and bright Ashlen is the Beauty, sarcastic and gloomy Shinsou is the Brains while impulsive and magical Amy is the Brawn.

Beware The Silly Ones: They love to joke around with others, especially people they think are stupid, but are NOT to be underestimated.

Amy embodies this trope, as she certainly looks like a harmless and ditsy girl but she’s an extremely powerful witch who can hex, jinx and curse people, and is very easily provoked.

Shinsou doesn’t look like a silly guy, but he’s pretty deadpan, witty and can easily join in Amy’s wackiness from time to time (esp. when Panic! At The Disco is involved), but he’s still a proficient fighter and knows how to brainwash people just like that especially when angry.

Ashlen is the least silly of the three as well as the nicest, but she does have a sense of humor and can joke around just as much as Amy and Shinsou, however angering her is a very, very bad idea since she’s very good with swords and WILL paralyze your ass if you piss her off.

Birds of A Feather/Not So Different: Two introverts and an introverted extrovert, while they seem pretty opposite at first glance, the three of them actually have a LOT in common with each other.

Amy and Shinsou relate to feeling discriminated and hated by others for having ‘villainous’ powers, and they’re both equally witty and mischievous and have been friends since childhood because of this. And Amy and Ashlen are probably more different than her and Shinsou, but Ashlen has a similar sense of humor and tastes in movies, cartoons and music, as well as feelings of loneliness and isolation that enables the girls to bond. And then Ashlen and Shinsou can bond over having very practical quirks, while she’s a nicer person than he is, he gets along with her great because they’re both introverts, insecure by nature and then they also discover that they’re both pretty smart-alecky and learn to appreciate each other to the point where they start dating.

The Caretaker: They each can act as this towards one another. Ashlen is the prime example as she often plays mother hen to both Amy and Shinsou by making sure they’re both healthy and feeling secure. Shinsou also acted as one to Amy before Ashlen by making sure the witch was feeling okay and recovering from an incident. But he can also easily take care of Ashlen, especially when she is suffering from a panic attack or is in need of comfort. And while Amy is usually being cared for by either Shinsou or Ashlen, she can still play the role just as well by checking up on either one, whether it’s consoling Shinsou when he’s upset, or spending time with Ashlen and comforting her when she’s sad or overwhelmed.

Color-Coded Characters: They each have their own different colors schemes, Amy (Pink), Ashlen (Blue) and Shinsou (Purple).

Comic Trio: Downplayed due to Shinsou and Ashlen being far more level-headed than Amy.

Amy is usually the schemer who comes up with the crazy ideas, Shinsou isn’t a Fool by any means but nonetheless tends to follow Amy’s lead because he thinks it’ll be hilarious, while Ashlen plays the Only Sane Man and attempts (but usually fails) at reigning the two of them in.

Dance Battler: They’re all quite proficient in dancing.

Amy is the only one who hasn’t had any professional training in dancing, but she learns how to be quite good at it by watching videos and is good at physical comedy and making funny faces to make her dancing very entertaining and impossible to not watch. Although she does later get lessons so she can dance with Bakugo.

Ashlen is the only one of three to be considered a dancer as she has had professional training and is highly skilled in ballet, waltzing, salsa and other forms of dance, is very flexible and can also perform some very impressive flips, pirouettes and spins that make her a marvel to watch and she also can utilize some dance moves in combat.

Shinsou had to take dance lessons for a school play during the second Culture Festival, as he had no real training in dancing and merely danced along with Amy but also learned watching some videos, especially ones with Yanis Marshall and gradually became a skilled dancer.

Dark and Troubled Past: They all carry some emotional baggage from their pasts, which actually enables them to bond because they all agree that they’re each ‘pretty fucked up’.

Amy was discriminated against because she was believed to be quirkless as her powers didn’t start manifesting until she was 9 years old. When she found out her witch heritage, hunters emerged from the shadows and killed her parents by burning her mother and lynching her father, while the pro-heroes saved her from getting killed they gave her away to Fiona to live at the coven in New Orleans, which forced Amy to leave Shinsou. The coven was small but very dysfunctional under Fiona’s neglectful care and undermining Cordelia as Amy tried and failed to have her sisters get along. And then Amy witnessed several murders, bloodshed and betrayal that traumatized her into the hardened but unstable girl she is today and she still has anger and abandonment issues.

Ashlen had a normal and happy life complete with an ordinary but useful quirk, but All For One arrived one fateful night and murdered her parents right before her eyes and then implanted her second quirk in her which was extremely painful and nearly killed her. Although the Sennen family adopted her, she was ostracized by her peers at school who either thought she was a monster due to her second quirk or believed her to be snobby and entitled due to her family namesake. Then what friends she did made turned out to be fake who only used her in an attempt to make themselves look better. As a result, Ashlen grew up reserved, distrusting of others and fearful of herself due to her unstable powers and still suffers from self-esteem issues and a guilt complex.

Shinsou came from a normal family, but because of his brainwashing quirk he also faced some discrimination as his peers and even some teachers deemed it a ‘villainous quirk’ which diminished his self-esteem especially when students either bullied him or when his classmates deliberately ignored him and pretended he didn’t exist. While he had Amy to make it better, her leaving made him feel more alone than before. Without his only friend, he became much colder and more distant, which made him an easier target. In middle school, he acted out times by brainwashing two bullies into beating each other up, while he mellowed out in the 9th grade, he became much more cynical and aloof, having no desire to make friends until Amy returned in his life.

Dysfunction Junction: Despite getting along really well, they’re not immune to bickering, especially Amy and Shinsou, with Ashlen having to play the peacekeeper and break them up. And then Shinsou often acts as Amy’s enabler and lets her do anything she wants (much to Ashlen’s disapproval), particularly when the witch is in a bad mood with Ashlen uncertain of how to approach her and vice-versa, Amy can easily enable Shinsou when he’s in a bad mood. At times the three end up walking on eggshells around each other when things get tense. Which is ultimately why Amy says they’re more like family than a mere friendship because they actually deal with important things beyond school.

Exhausted Eyebags: All three of them sport them from time to time. Shinsou’s are almost always prominent, but Amy and Ashlen’s eyebags show when they’re overwhelmed or anxious. Although Amy’s are also more prominent when she’s angry or in a foul mood. In fact, this trait is also partially why they called themselves ‘The Zombie Trio’.

Fighter, Mage, Thief: Ashlen is the (Fighter) due to her swordsmanship, expert combat skills and speed she utilizes for her Cancel quirk and she’s the one who’s mostly on the straight and narrow. Amy is the (Mage) as she’s a witch with several powers and can use 6 of the 7 wonders that she uses any chance needed. And Shinsou is the (Thief), having to rely on being manipulative and sneaky for his Brainwashing quirk to work and allow him to trick and deceive opponents.

Fruedian Trio:

Amy is the emotional, reckless and borderline psychotic Id

Ashlen is the calm, collected and grounded Ego

Shinsou is the logical, deadpan and pragmatic Superego

Gasshole: They sometimes casually engage in burping contests between each other, especially Amy and Shinsou, joined by Kaminari and Kirishima, with Amy and Shinsou being quite proficient in the ‘art of burping’. But to their surprise, Ashlen herself can belt out some fairly impressive, unladylike belches when she loosens up and plays around with them.

Amy: YAY! Ash! You’re as nasty as we are!

Good Is Not Soft: Amy and Shinsou are trouble-makers but also training to be heroes and Ashlen is the nicest of the three, but neither three of them are pushovers and have no issue roughing up villains or playing dirty if needed.

Good Parents: They each have some pretty decent and upright parental figures in their lives.

While Amy had an Abusive Parent in Fiona, Cordelia is Amy’s godmother who loves her unconditionally although she is prone to spoiling her too. But she never stops looking out for her and is very supportive of her. Amy’s biological mother and father were very loving towards her and comforted her in their final moments.

Shinsou’s mother and father support and love him and always express pride in their son for getting himself in the Hero Course. They’re also Good Parents to Amy, despite her not being their biological child.

Ashlen’s biological mother and father were great parents who adored their daughter, and Ashlen’s parental figures that include her sisters and adoptive father also love her dearly and look out for her.

Heartbreak and Ice Cream: Their go-to whenever one of them is extremely depressed and upset, as Amy shamelessly drinks soda and binge-eats cookies, chocolate, candy and ice cream when she’s sad, and then she has no issue sharing her sweets with Ashlen and Shinsou. Ashlen, a sweet tooth herself sometimes may have a soda and some sweets when she’s sad, and even Shinsou has no shame in eating cookies and ice cream when he’s upset or heartbroken.

In-Series Nickname: Bakugo has nicknames for each of them, calling Amy ‘Witch Bitch’, Shinsou ‘Eyebags’ and Ashlen ‘Princess’.

Likewise, Madison tends to call Amy ‘Hermione’, Shinsou ‘Purplehead’ and Ashlen ‘Ellen Ripley’.

Interclass Friendship: A variation as each of them come from a unique background that doesn’t at all affect their friendship.

Amy, while she used to come from a normal upper middle-class family with a mother who was both a witch and a hero, she later had to move with the coven, an independent group of socialites and politically active witches who descended from Salem. Whom are also warriors who act as allies for hero society and Amy being something of an upper-class socialite and witch warrior.

Ashlen also came from a pretty normal upper-middle class family, but she was taken in by the Sennen family. A royal family that dates back to the ancient times of the pharaohs and is connected with Magic and spirit energy lead by two powerful women and Ashlen’s adoptive sisters and royal-like figures. Making Ashlen a princess of sorts, but she’s still a fighter from a high class family.

Shinsou is the only one who comes from a relatively normal family with his parents having modest occupations and his father being a doctor rather than a hero, so his family makes good enough money for Shinsou to be considered upper middle class but unlike Amy and Ashlen, his family has no connections.

Kiddie Kid: In a way, all three of them oscillate between endearing acting-their-age childishness and adult-like maturity. Although it’s Played Straight with Amy, Downplayed with Shinsou and Ashlen.

Amy’s pretty impulsive and immature, even enjoying things that would probably be more suited for pre-teens (toys, cute things, etc.) and still likes playing childish games like Hide and Seek and Tag You’re It.

Shinsou, despite being more mature than Amy, laughs at some of her childish jokes, isn’t above playing along with her games (especially Tag) and can sometimes be just as immature (if not more so) as Amy.

Ashlen is actually the most mature of the three, but she can also loosen up enough to play around and fun with Amy and she enjoys the same cute things and toys that Amy likes.

Lame Comeback: Amy, Ashlen and Shinsou are usually pretty witty but when they’re too angry they usually make some lame remarks when they’re too upset to think of anything good.

Like An Old Married Couple: At times the three resemble a family, with Ashlen being ‘The Mommy’ of the group, Shinsou being ‘The Daddy’ and Amy being ‘the Child’. Shinsou often enables Amy’s antics, but knows how to dish out Toguh Love when needed, and Ashlen, although nurturing and loving, encourages Shinsou to not be so lenient on Amy, their hyperactive, mischievous best friend. It’s even more prominent when Shinsou and Ashlen are discussing and/or arguing about Amy’s behavior as if they were parents talking about their child and even dote on her at times. Likewise, Amy at times can cling to either Ashlen or Shinsou if they were a mom and dad, and also going to Shinsou when she wants something from him, and Ashlen when in need for emotional support.

Like Brother and Sister: Amy and Shinsou are very much like brother and sister, and Amy considers Ashlen like a sister to her and all three of them function together like a family.

Living Emotional Crutch: All three of them function as this to each other in some way.

Amy says that Shinsou’s the only reason she came back to Japan and doesn’t know what she’d do without him as she suffers an emotional breakdown at the thought of not having him in her life because he was her first ally from the very beginning and best friend from the start. However, because she cares about him so much she nearly cuts off ties with him again just to protect him from her. And as she befriends Ashlen, she admits to feeling closer to her than anyone she’s ever met, feels comfortable around her but also greatly fears her leaving her the most which is why she had another mental breakdown at the thought and went back to her mansion for a time, and then she confesses that she probably would have gone on another homicidal rage if not for Ashlen’s influence.

Shinsou feels closest to Amy overall since she was his very first friend the best friend he’s ever had, and when she left to New Orleans, he took it badly and broke down hard, becoming more distant from others. And he nearly breaks down when Amy lied by saying she didn’t want to be his friend anymore after she went on a rampage at UA. He also at times clings to Amy because he knows that no matter what, she’ll always support him. Also, as Ashlen enters the picture, because she’s the first person to ever show him any true, intimate love he feels especially close to her, adores her and takes any argument they have hard and admits that while she’s his first and only girlfriend, that he couldn’t love another woman the way he loves her, because she’s the only one who can make him feel loved and secure.

Upon meeting Amy, Ashlen loves her very much and sees her as her very best friend and a true friend, even nurtures her because she grew to love her so much. Even as Amy starts to show her true colors and deeper psychological issues, Ashlen’s love doesn’t fade, but she does fear the thought of losing Amy more than anything, and at one point pleaded with her not to leave her alone without a best friend. Finally, when she finds love in Shinsou, she feels safe, warm and loved by him, and not unlike him, takes their arguments extremely hard, even taking all the blame because she fears losing him just as much due to her unconditional love for him.

Nice, Mean and In-between: Ashlen (Nice), Shinsou(Mean) and Amy (In-between). However Shinsou and Amy can switch the roles where Amy is acting as the crueler one and Shinsou can be more laid-back and decent, but Ashlen is almost always the Nice on.

Odd Friendship: These three make up a pretty odd but nonetheless very close friendship.

First you have Amy and Shinsou, a chaotic girl with energy for days and a low-key, apathetic guy who doesn’t care about much things, but they’re best friends and have been since childhood.

Then Amy meets Ashlen, a sweet but shy girl who became very close and best friends with the much more outgoing and obnoxious Amy.

Then there’s Ashlen and Shinsou, she’s much more of a sunshiny optimist while Shinsou’s more of a cynical pessimist.

Positive Friend Influence: When they’re not being bad influences or doing mischievous pranks, each make each other happier and better people overall.

For Amy, Shinsou reminds her of her humanity and all other better memories before the coven. Shinsou also can at times be able to reign her in when she’s upset, and enables her to think before she acts. And then Ashlen’s influence is what allows Amy to be much more reasonable and gentler, as her friendship helps Amy learn more lessons in being kinder to people and to forgive the people she felt hurt by.

For Ashlen, having an outgoing and supportive friend like Amy made her much more confident in herself, allowing her to be more assertive, proud of who she is, and she also learns to see her own beauty and even gains a newfound wild side. Likewise, Shinsou encourages her to loosen up a little bit and his endless attraction and devotion to her also adds to her confidence and boosts her self-image.

For Shinsou, Amy’s fun-loving and cheerful personality makes him laugh and allows him to have fun and get a little bit goofy as he humors her and can join in on her antics without letting life overwhelm him. And then having Ashlen as his friend and girlfriend makes him want to be more compassionate and he also learns to be less envious of others, more secure in himself and she also helps him boost his own self-image as well.

Power Trio: Together they’re a ridiculously powerful group of fighters who are even stronger together.

Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: They’re a group of friends made up of a witch, a trained fighter and a world-weary cynic trying to become heroes. Together the trio consists of.

A loud-mouthed, hyperactive Cute Witch who grew up in an infamous coven of powerful witches. Who happens to have a wide array of powers and is a little bit unstable to boot.

A skilled but troubled Warrior Princess with two quirks, one being highly unstable and dangerous. But she still has a strong sense of justice even if people haven’t been kind to her.

A curt and surly Deadpan Snarker with the power of Mind Manipulation and a less than approachable demeanor. However, he still wants to do the right thing, even if he is a bit of a Troll too.

Red Baron:

Amy: “The Coven Heroine: Tricky Witch”

Ashlen: “The Neutralizer”

Shinsou: “Mindjack”

Red Oni Blue Oni: Amy is the Red Oni to both Ashlen and Shinsou’s Blue Oni, although Ashlen can also be the Red Oni to Shinsou’s Blue Oni.

Serious Business: Four Words: Panic! At The Disco. Amy and Shinsou take Brendon Urie very seriously and take any ill remark against him as blasphemy and they manage to get Ashlen on the bandwagon.

Socially Awkward Hero: They’re all pretty socially awkward in their own ways.

Amy is overwhelmingly cheerful and over-the-top for most people, vulgar in speech, has no sense of personal space (as she constantly touches and hugs other people randomly) and usually unintentionally makes people uncomfortable by talking about inappropriate things that really shouldn’t be discussed in public, but she is generally friendly and does mean well.

Ashlen has the best social skills out of the three, but is still pretty shy, awkward by nature, prone to social anxiety, and gets nervous around people she doesn’t know, and is also easily flustered around boys she likes.

Shinsou is aloof, rude and snarky, and doesn’t go out of his way to befriend anyone except Amy, but is also pretty awkward when someone is being genuinely nice to him, and then he gets extremely nervous and flustered around Ashlen, to the point where he resembles Midoriya when he speaks to her.

Superpowered Evil Side: All three of them have superpowered sides or experienced power highs that enabled them to go berserk, lose control of their powers and even made them turn homicidal, even towards allies.

Amy’s Sentio Compassios can turn into Sentio Furia when greatly provoked. Already legitimately insane, she easily gets drunk on her magic and loves toying with her opponents, and when she’s that angry she freely lets go of all control during a rampage to unleash her power and destroy almost everything and anybody in her path, friend or foe.

Ashlen’s second quirk Dark Manifest is what makes her go berserk, even though she’s level-headed by nature. she has issues controlling her second quirk as when she’s pushed to the brink, it causes Dark Manifest to overwhelm her right mind and turns her into a bloodthirsty murderer and makes her lose her morality and kill whoever provoked her and anyone else who she feels like purely for fun.

Shinsou developed an alter-ego that Amy calls ‘Control Freak’. He wanted to get stronger and took up a training session with Amy’s friend Nan, and she and Madison give him a potion to amplify his brainwashing to make it more like Concilium. However, as his quirk’s power was amplified, the potion cost him his sanity and he lost himself momentarily and attacked even his friends and forced them to fight each other because the power high gave him an overwhelming sense of control over everyone regardless of who got seriously hurt..

Sweet Tooth: Amy is the most obvious one with a sweet tooth, but Ashlen also very much enjoys sweets and while Shinsou says he doesn’t love sweets, he’ll still eat them, especially when upset.

Token Trio: Amy (witch), Ashlen (two quirks) and Shinsou (single quirk)

Toxic Friend Influence: Downplayed, at least with Ashlen. Amy and Shinsou are toxic friend influences to each other to begin with and bring out each other’s bitchy side, but they can also sometimes be able to encourage Ashlen to indulge in wild and crazy antics such as drinking Amy’s infamous Magic Juice at a party or pulling hilarious pranks on other classmates.

!Tres Amigos!: Duh.

True Companions: They all came together recently, with Amy and Shinsou being Childhood Friends and later meeting Ashlen, but the three of them are very close, tight-knit, love each other’s company, comfort each other when upset and always support each other and have each other’s back no matter what.

Two Girls And A Guy: Amy and Ashlen are both girls with Shinsou as the sole guy of the trio.

Underestimating Badassery: Since Amy and Shinsou often bicker or make crude jokes with Ashlen having to look after them like a babysitter, people often take them at face value... until all three of them start beating the living hell out of villains and showing just how powerful they are.

Weirdness Magnet: They’ve all been exposed and/or attracted to some of the craziest supernatural things that are weird even by hero society standards.

Amy, being a witch, gets exposed to all types of weird and magical happenings with witches, vampires, demons, ghosts, a minotaur, voodoo queens and the Anti-Christ so she claims ‘nothing shocks her’.

Ashlen’s family actually overlooks several different supernatural things that include ghosts and demons, and so Ashlen is no stranger to the supernatural and is unsurprised by stranger things.

And because Shinsou’s close to Amy and Madison, he knows many things about witches and has become less and less fazed when something strange happens.

With a Friend and a Stranger: The whole set-up of the dynamic with Amy and Shinsou being childhood friends and Ashlen being Amy’s new friend who instantly gets along with Shinsou, and later, becomes his girlfriend. Unlike many examples though, these three are NOT a love-triangle, but DO involve one or two different love triangles OUTSIDE of the the trio.

You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry: Angering either three of them equals big trouble.

Amy is very easy to provoke and she’s The Dreaded in her class for a reason as she will start screaming, destroying things and fly into a rage if angered. And should you push a major button, it was nice knowing you.

Ashlen is actually quite slow to anger, but when she’s angry she gives a fierce glare and ALWAYS delivers righteous punishment to the one who angers her. And this is scary even when her second quirk isn’t awoken yet...

Shinsou is usually pretty levelheaded but when he gets upset, he gets upset, becoming both irrational and aggressive as he will attack the person who pissed him off, and play dirty as well just to let them feel pain.

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soncfseed · 4 years ago

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reposted from my old blog

i want to post some links so people can better understand what bpd is and what a personality disorder is and is not. then, i’ll do a quick rundown of the 9 bpd symptoms and which ones ethan has/displays and how they manifest for him.

here is a quick ref of some common misconceptions about the disorder. tldr version: a lot of people think bpd isnt real, or that people with bpd are just crazy assholes but its a legitimate mental health problem that has multiple factors including ones that seem to be genetic and environmental.

a personality disorder is defined by the mayo clinic as: “a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This causes significant problems and limitations in relationships, social activities, work and school. In some cases, you may not realize that you have a personality disorder because your way of thinking and behaving seems natural to you.” basically, its not that a person has a bad personality in terms of poor character or is intentionally acting in a way that may seem irrational or explosive, but rather that the person has functional differences in how their brain reacts to things. personality is defined as: “the combination of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that makes you unique. It’s the way you view, understand and relate to the outside world, as well as how you see yourself.” it isn’t just behaviour nor is it something people consciously control 100% of the time. borderline personality disorder has been linked to physical differences in the brain and its functioning, particularly of neurotransmitters and brain chemicals similar to mood disorders like depression. it is a type of neurodivergence, not a skewed moral compass, a choice, or something that people with bpd typically enjoy. the symptoms are very stress inducing and cause a lot of turmoil for the affected person, and when poor coping skills have been ingrained and then create further stress or complications in the person’s life, particularly in interpersonal relationships.

ok now we’re gonna hit the 9 symptoms and 4 domains of bpd and how ethan fits into it. the dsm-5 requires 5 symptoms out of 9 for a person to be diagnosed with bpd. ethan displays, in my opinion, 8/9 symptoms and would be a candidate for diagnosis in my experience.

domain a - emotional regulation 1) “Affective (emotional) instability including intense, episodic emotional anguish, irritability, and anxiety/panic attacks” ✅ generally, this is episodes of intense sadness, anger, irritability, insecurity and self doubt for ethan. he doesnt usually have anxiety or panic attacks, but he has had a few in extremely stressful situations. his symptoms of an anxiety attack tend to lean more towards irritability and emotional outbursts.

2) “Anger that is inappropriate, intense and difficult to control” ✅ while ethan does become rightfully frustrated when the captain returns the book, the fact that he has what seems like a minute long complete meltdown including hitting/smashing objects, that would be a good example of the kind of situationally inappropriate anger and displays of temper ethan has. his anger spikes rapidly and it makes it hard to control his actions at times.

3) “Chronic feelings of emptiness” ✅ while we don’t necessarily see this explicitly in game, i’d argue that’s part of his experience of bpd. he often feels a lack of purpose, a lack of self, and substitutes that with his role as the leader of new eden.

theres additional symptoms described as such: “In addition, if you suffer from borderline disorder, you may also experience emotional hyper-reactivity (“emotional storms”), or emotional responses that are occasionally under- reactive, and frequent episodes of loneliness, and boredom. “ ethan definitely experiences emotional storms, and episodes of loneliness particularly. thats amplified by the fact that hes not particularly close to anyone in new eden besides maybe the judge. between a lack of substantial interpersonal ties with his community and his disorder, his episodes of loneliness are often very intense and distressing.

domain b - harmful impulsive behaviors 4) “Self-damaging acts such as excessive spending, unsafe and inappropriate sexual conduct, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating” ✅ ethan deals with this to an extent, but not these specific self damaging behaviours. for ethan, its usually not eating or not sleeping for periods of time, or going on particularly dangerous missions to find the book. hunting also serves as an adrenaline rush, but because it sustains new eden its less impulsive than it is an acceptable way of spending a day

5) “Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-injurious behavior such as cutting or hitting yourself.” ❌ ethan has suicidal ideations, but doesn’t have a history of engaging in self harm or suicide attempts.

though not an explicit symptom, dangerous impulsivity that affects the self or others is a common symptom, and one ethan does deal with. his decision to turn new eden over to the highwaymen was in part spurred by his impulsive thinking and behaviour.

domain c - perceptions of self and others 6) “A markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of yourself (your perceptions of yourself, your identity)” ✅ ethan definitely experiences shifts in this realm. this is part of why he ties himself so strongly to his identity as the leader of new eden in light of his poor relationship with his father (which will come up again). when that is threatened, it sends him spiraling because of his unstable self image. this applies to ethan’s image of himself as a person morally, his worth relative to others, and even how he feels about his body and appearance.

7) “Suspiciousness of others thoughts about you, and even paranoid ideation, or transient and stress related dissociative episodes during which you feel that you or your surroundings appear unreal.” ✅ ethan is absolutely suspicious of others and it goes beyond his learned suspicion of outsiders that all of new eden seems to have. he is particularly suspicious of his father, and of people within his own community. some of this is completely rational, but it often extends beyond that. he experiences, in my hc, dissociative episodes and bouts of depersonalization where parts of his body don’t feel real or don’t feel attached to him/belonging to him.

“Other symptoms in this Domain include split- or “all-or-nothing” thinking, difficulty “pulling” your thoughts together so they make sense, and rational problem solving, especially in social conflicts.” ethan deals with all of these issues generally speaking. this is in part why his decision to burn down new eden was so extreme; he has difficulty at times with regulating what is rational and what is not (and making nuanced decisions), particularly when under extreme emotional duress like during an explosive emotional episode or mood swing.

domain d - unstable relationships 8) “You may engage in frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.”✅ this is part of why he looked so hard for the book, why he pushes himself so hard to be the leader of new eden and why he turns on them so aggressively at the end. sometimes this can manifest as lashing out, a way to “get them before they get me” mentality. he has particularly strong responses to feeling abandoned or ignored.

9) “Your relationships may be very intense, unstable, & alternate between the extremes of overidealizing and undervaluing people who are important to you.” ✅ this is definitely something ethan struggles with, especially with his father. this is also why he was willing to let new eden burn and its people suffer with it. he had swung too far back from feeling rejected that went completely into “new eden bad”, undervaluing everyone there to the point that he was able to rationalize destroying the place at the expense of the people who lived there.

none of this is meant to excuse his poor decision making, but in the context of my hc for him, it explains why he can act so irrationally at times, and so extremely. in reality, people with bpd are more likely to hurt themselves through self harm, suicide attempts, impuslive behavior, and self destructive behavior. ethan seed is 1) not a real person and 2) living under some very intense and unusual circumstances with probably the WORST person to parent someone with bpd, joseph “i talk to god and he says your soul is tainted” seed. he also doesn’t know he has a disorder and doesn’t have the knowledge or resources to get mental health treatment for his disorder. as it stands, however, he’s made some pretty bad and pretty horrible decisions, and at times can be a bad person. this doesn’t mean, however, that he is 100% bad or always awful, or that bpd is the sole cause of his behaviours. it isnt. lots of people (including myself) have bpd and we haven’t been directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of anyone; we’ve never burned down our hometowns or tried to get our fathers killed. ethan’s display of bpd is more of a tool to explain and contextualize his behavior and character rather than to condemn him, condone him, or excuse his actions.

tldr ethan has bpd and so do i thanks 4 listening to my ted talk

#hc #long post #repost from old blog

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dixbolik-lovers · 5 years ago

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Anooooooonnnn I love you!!!! ;w; This is the first Girls of Virtue ask I’ve gotten in ages and now I really just want to hug you,,, I’m working on the story more too!!! I wanna get three more chapters out this month, and just to remind everyone, I have a link to the full story in this blog’s links.

And as for what you’re wanting to know, ramblings below! Some of this is repeated info, but it’ll serve as a good compilation. :3 Thank you again for asking about them!!! I’m very very happy now!!!

Selfishness:

-She’s the tallest of the Girls at 5′9, and her horns add a good five-ish inches to that. She aggressively lords this over the others at every chance she gets, and loves using her height to push people around, but isn’t quite stupid enough to point out that she’s got three inches on Judgement herself.

-She has absolutely no volume control when it comes to her voice, which is very arrogant and booming. She also tends to shout when she’s excited or angry, and can work up quite the racket when she tries.

-She adores heights and tends to jump or climb up to the highest places she can find just for the fun of it. Power lines and tall buildings are her favorites, but she’ll take just about anywhere that puts her above everyone else. She likes feeling literally above the people around her, and she’s more than agile enough to get up and down from just about anywhere with grace.

-Because of her claws, she’s ridiculously clumsy. It’s hard for her to grip objects properly, and she struggles with anything small or delicate. Her hands are big, her claws are long, and everything just gets in the way. She hates things with little details because she gets frustrated. She has a bad tendency of breaking the things she touches because she’s stronger than she can control, and all-around way too rough with things.

-That said, her body is very nimble and graceful. She’s athletic, with a lot of agility and skill. She’s good at complex maneuvers and staying on her feet, and outside of her clawed hands, she’s extremely coordinated.

-Physically speaking, she’s among the strongest of the girls. Her body is powerful and she knows how to use her strength well.

-Intelligence-wise, she’s very, very stupid. Her intelligence is among the lowest of the Girls, and it shows. She’s poor at complex thinking and making difficult choices, and this stands out greatest in her just... not understanding how to think ahead. She gets taunted a lot for being stupid.

-She absolutely never thinks of how her actions will affect other people. As in, the thought never enters her head that others have feelings she can hurt. She doesn’t care what happens to anyone around her– she just does what she wants no matter what. Even when she’s not actively trying to be mean, she usually winds up hurting people out of sheer ignorance as to other people having feelings.

-The closest thing she has to a home is what appears to be an abandoned power plant a ways outside of the main town. She likes it because of all of the high-up wires and towers she can climb on, and spends her time practicing acrobatics out there. She considers the area to be her personal territory and guards it viciously against the other Girls.

-She loves violence in general, but especially the idea of killing humans. Hurting people gives her a thrill like nothing else– but less because of their suffering and more because of how powerful it makes her feel. She feels like killing enough humans will make sure she’s remembered in their world.

-She can’t stand being seen at anything less than perfect. She’s the strongest and the biggest and the best, and having anyone see her at anything less than that is a wound her ego can barely take. She’d die before being seen in tears.

-She’s dimwitted and self-centered to the extreme. She barely remembers the names of the other Girls (aside from Judgement) and honestly doesn’t care to try. In her mind, everything revolves around her, and she wants it to stay that way. Other people don’t matter, especially not to someone like her. She’s strong enough that she doesn’t have to care. Everyone else just thinks she’s stupid and annoying, though, something of which Selfishness is barely aware.

-She’s a bit of a sadist and enjoys seeing other people squirm. She likes to be intimidating, and having people afraid of her makes her very, very happy. She’s a cruel person who takes pleasure in getting her way– no matter what the cost to anyone else.

Cruelty:

-Surprisingly, she has an amazing memory and good attention to detail. The reasons behind this are mostly relating to her remembering how to hurt people the most, but the fact still stands that she’s got a knack for remembering things. Her attention to detail is downright impressive, and she’s naturally very good at things like puzzles and memorization problems.

-Adding to that, she’s a lot smarter than most people give her credit for. Despite her... everything, Cruelty is actually very intelligent, especially when it comes to people skills. No one really expects her to be so smart either, so she gets away with a lot just because people don’t see it coming.

-She’s bitten the majority of the Girls before. And not gently. With her mouth, that is far from a pleasant experience. The only real reason behind this is that she just likes to see people in pain.

-Speaking of the unpleasant disaster that is Cruelty’s mouth; it stretches up to her ears, slit, but not an open wound. It’s filled with sharp, awful teeth, and she can unhinge her jaw like a snake. Blood drools out of her mouth when she talks, which makes for an awful mess, and everything she wears gets absolutely covered in it. Of course, Cruelty has no problems spitting blood all over the people she talks to, and talks through the bloody mess without a care in the world. She lives for making people uncomfortable.

-Her hair is also a disaster. An awful, matted disaster that a brush would probably stick in. Her hair is short, white, and choppy, ridiculously tangled up, and thick enough that untangling it would be one impressive feat. She also tends to have quite a bit of blood in it.

-Even though she’s one of the smaller of the Girls, her strength is above average. Her body is strong, especially her legs and large, clunky hooves, and she greatly enjoys using her strength to push the others around. She’s very physical and touchy, likes getting in people’s space, and bullies anyone weaker than her. If she did try to show affection to someone, it would be through rough, physical means like biting them or shoving them.

-Despite her intelligence, she’s very, very impulsive. For all she’s capable of thinking through things, when she starts getting excited, she doesn’t really use her head. She’s prone to making stupid, violent decisions on impulse that get her into a lot of trouble later, like pissing off the wrong people, or far too many people at once for her own good.

-Her personality is high-spirited and intense. She’s filled with wild, strong emotions that consume her entirely but never seem to last for long. When she does get upset, it’s a messy occasion, but for the most part, nothing ever seems to be able to keep her down for long.

-Judgement is the only thing she’s ever found that legitimately terrifies her. Cruelty isn’t really one for fear, and generally remains remarkably resistant to panic, but Judgement scares the absolute life out of her.

-She has no particular love for herself or anything else. While she certainly doesn’t hate herself, there’s not a lot she really cares about in the world beyond hurting people. All that matters to her is having fun– she simply doesn’t have it in her to think introspectively or look at herself carefully enough to find any real love or hate. She’s far from arrogant, and really just amounts to a person who loves hurting others more than anything.

-She’s very rough and crude, from her actions to the things that come out of her mouth. While she’s not too much of a curser, she manages to say some pretty horrible things without so much as a swear word. Almost everything that comes out of her mouth is hurtful, hateful, or somehow offensive. There’s really no way to keep her from saying the worst things she can think of.

-Her laugh- a high, shrieky, braying sound– is considered to be remarkably annoying. No one really likes Cruelty to begin with, but her laugh is one thing that everyone can agree is downright aggravating.

Negativity:

-She’s very clumsy and accident-prone, for no real reason beyond being Like That. She shouldn’t be trusted with anything important, partially because of this and partially because she just doesn’t care if she breaks stuff.

-She has a bad habit of biting her nails. It’s not exactly a nervous habit, but one that she picks up when she’s bored or frustrated. She’ll chew her nails down to the point of blood more often than not, completely uncaring of how she’s tearing up the skin. Her sense of pain is pretty dulled in this regard... but she’ll still vocally complain at the slightest injury caused by anyone else.

-She holds long, one-sided conversations with herself when she’s alone, mostly because she finds it weird not to actively have something to complain about. She’s not above talking to herself but gets sort of flustered if anyone else hears her. She’s not exactly a lonely person, but she needs to always fill the silence.

-She has a love of order and organization and likes coming up with complex systems for keeping things organized. She enjoys systems, plans, and careful details, and is surprisingly good at putting things in complicated orders and patterns. She likes having things in their proper place, and would greatly enjoy cleaning and organizing things– the more complicated, the better! Messes get on her nerves, and she tends to start messing with things without really thinking about it when she’s stressed or anxious.

-Her hair– sleek, black, and thigh-length– is long enough that it tends to get tangled up in things. She’s used to getting it caught in branches and sharp bits of debris, and is well-accustomed to having to rip chunks out. The other girls like pulling it too, something which Negativity despises.

-Her eyes are a brilliant red with no distinct sclera or iris. They glow in the dark– something which sort of freaks out a lot of the others. Many times, her eyes are the first thing people will see coming.

-She spits up thorns when she talks. The vines are long, black, and resemble barbed wire. They’re remarkably painful, tearing up her throat, and she’s very used to the pain of it all. She always has some blood around her mouth and down the front of her dress, and she’s ready with a snappy comeback for anyone who tries to insult her for it. She’s well aware that it’s gross.

-She’s extremely skinny and gets cold easily because of it. Her body is petite and her build is slender, but she’s also bordering on emaciated. She’s not very strong, as much as she resents this, so her verbal beatings are kind of her only means of self-defense. She tends to carry herself hunched-over and huddled in on herself, and her posture is downright terrible. Deep down, she’s kind of trying to hide... not that she’d ever admit that.

-Her entire personality is pessimistic and bitter. She never has anything good to say about anything, and only knows how to spew negative remarks no matter what kind of situation she’s in. She’s disdainful towards herself and everyone else, and is never without some awful comment to bring people down. She tries to drag people down with her because she always feels miserable and alone, hating seeing others with the happiness that she can’t have. The only joy she gets is from seeing someone else feel as bad as she does.

-One of her talents is making people cry. She’s good at personalized jabs against people– not to Cruelty’s level, but relentless enough that people have trouble keeping up. Her sheer barrage of pessimism is enough to make most people feel bitter and depressed. This is something she’s proud of.

#Girls of Virtue

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tidesreach · 6 years ago

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are there any hints early in the season that you'd say pointed to nico having bpd?

There are quite a lot, yes! I will try and note some down off the top of my head (I say as if I don't have the entire season constantly playing on a loop in my head). So, a list of hints towards Nico's diagnosis leading up to the end of Episode 8:

His lack of a smartphone probably

His subtle little dig at Marti being on his phone (I love that Nico's thought process on this was, "he's not paying enough attention to me so I'm going to put honey in this pasta. That'll show him!" Oh, darling boy)

Physically putting himself in between Marti and Emma (and then making a sly dig at her). Only to be left alone looking sad and regretful. *pets him* It's okay, love. Marti only has eyes for you

When he says "I can't leave her" about Maddalena. The reason he gives may have been entirely made up but his fear of leaving Maddalena is very real. Maddalena has stuck with him despite his illness and everything it entails and someone like that is a terrifying thing to lose, even if the relationship isn't working. I've been there. Maddalena is safe. Marti is not. He is a such a risk

Maddalena berating him for drinking too much alcohol (likely because excessive alcohol is a common impulsive and self-damaging behaviour associated with BPD), which then makes him feel smothered and controlled and leads to him--

--impulsively ditching her to go break into an abandoned swimming pool with the love of his life his crush

His quick mood shift when talking about being alone in the world re: the last man on earth scenario which hints towards his fears of loneliness and being abandoned. Note how Nico immediately involves Marti in his last man on earth scenario ("I'd run around naked. With you.")

Ignoring Marti's texts because he needed some time alone and then asking to meet him seemingly out of the blue. I feel this on such a deep level

Freezing Marti out and getting back with Maddalena after Marti's comment about people with mental illness inevitably triggered his abandonment issues. Like I said, Maddalena is safe. Nico has years of proof that she won't abandon him. Marti -- especially after that dumb comment -- is just *ALARM BELLS* "HE WILL LEAVE YOU! HE WILL ABANDON YOU! YOU ARE A BURDEN!"

(Also the wording of the text he later sends Marti: I know it's my fault.)

The push-and-pull of isolating himself from Marti but still trying to hold onto him, e.g. his roundabout way of inviting him to the terrace, giving Marti the little flip notes after being rejected by him. "I'm out looking for the virus." I'm trying to sort my head out

The little vial for his impossible personality (*wails* if only Marti knew how literal that comment was, gosh). "You can use it on the virus or on my impossible personality." He gives him a choice and hopes that Marti will prove him wrong and not abandon him, that Marti will validate him and think he's worth it. You can go back to living your life problem-free without me or you can take a risk on me and my impossible personality. My baby boy *sobs*

Literally showing up at Bracciano unannounced after Marti's text to prove to Marti that he wants to be with him because he can't lose him. The threat was real. Go big or go home. He just loves Marti so fucking much???? My whole heart hurts. Niccolò, darling. I imagine that whole day was a mess of conflicting emotions for him--which is probably why it took him a while to finally get there

"I want to figure out what I feel for myself." Just let him be happy and in love, people!!!!!! But for real, if I had a £ every time someone dismissed my feelings and chalked it up to something imagined by my BPD I'd have bought a villa on a Greek island by now and be sipping piña coladas on the beach

Throwing bits of paper at Marti because please!!! pay!!! attention!!! to!!! me!!!

His mum's reaction to Marti and her concern that Nico and Marti are "always together" and his subsequent mood change from giddy throwing-things-at-my-boyfriend to literally devastated :(((((((

Impulsively fucking off to Milan with Marti to escape everyone who is smothering him (what a whole mood) and to just be with the boy he loves. He just wants to be with Marti. That's all. He's just in love. Honestly if people were less judgmental and actually took the time to listen to him in regards to his own fucking illness his episode might not have been so extreme. Or triggered at all. Yells in frustration. I feel your pain, Niccolò. I really fucking do

There's a whole lot of impulsive behaviour in regards to Milan. A lot of impulsive spending. Obviously the going there in the first place. But also, the super fancy and clearly expensive apartment with the skyline view? All of that sushi? Sushi is not cheap, my friends. Also Marti implied that they'd been off galavanting and sight-seeing earlier so god only knows how much Nico spent that trip. Looking at his finances after Milan would have been decidedly not fun. I have been in that situation far too many times. A moment of silence for Nico's bank account please

Obviously his later episode goes without saying

PSA: this illness sucks. But it sucks a lot less when the people we love acknowledge our emotions. Poor Niccolò's being pushed and pulled in so many different ways its no wonder he reacted the way he did. People think that our actions and emotions should be dismissed because they're just a by-product of our illness. When that's not the case at all. We act and react in certain ways because we experience our emotions much more intensely than others. Emotional extremes. Not because they're not real. Because of this we're often made to feel like our feelings aren't valid. Which is damaging because we already have trouble sorting through our emotions as it is without other people trying to tell us how we feel. People place far too many neurotypical expectations on relationships.

God bless Martino Rametta for acknowledging Niccolò's feelings and being willing to alter his expectations and learn. What a wonderful boy. ♡♡♡♡♡

#this got long #story of my life #skam italia #aela answers things #skam italia: thoughts

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lastoneout · 6 years ago

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so, quick question... how did you know you had adhd? i've been relating a lot to the stuff you've been reblogging about it, and i honestly can't tell if that's coincidental or if i should look into it more... but like, i'm an adult and female so like, i hesitate to say i might have it. could i hear some of your thoughts?

Yeah of course!

So first of all, its a very common misconception that ADHD is just a thing that little boys get and then grow out of. It affects all kinds of people, and female/afab adults are hardly ever actually diagnosed because their symptoms present very differently due to societal treatment and other factors.

ADHD is divided into three types, the Inattentive Type, the Hyperactive-Impulsive Type, and Combination. Women and afab people are more likely to have the ‘inattentive type’ of ADHD, which means stuff like:

Loosing track of time

Forgetfulness

Being very easily bored

Zoning out even in the middle of something important

Having trouble following directions

Hyper-focusing on things you find interesting to the point of not doing anything else

Jump from task to task without ever finishing one

Finding it almost impossible to focus on things that you find ‘boring’

Missing important details and making seemingly obvious mistakes

Executive dysfunction(Not being able to start or complete tasks for seeming no reason even when you really want/need to)

Having a hard time organizing and keeping things clean

Just stuff that would get you pegged by others as a daydreamer or ditsy. Most people do display both kinds of symptoms, it’s just about which ones are more prevalent. So you might also do things like:

Constantly fidget with pens, clothing, basically anything you can get your hands on, bounce/jiggle your legs, or even do self-destructive fidgets like picking at your face or chewing on your nails. Essentially you constantly need to be doing something, sitting still is hard or impossible

Have extremely poor impulse control, interrupt people or finish their sentences, just do things without thinking

Have no patience, and get very annoyed or upset when things take too long

Talk a lot

Need at least two sources of stimulation, such as watching Netflix up also being on your phone, or not being able to concentrate on something like reading or chores without music in the background

I don’t know which I am, but I do display a lot more of the inattentive symptoms than the hyperactive ones, as do most adult women and afab people.

Looking back now it seems kinda obvious that I had it as a kid, I was always drawing in class or fidgeting. I found it easier to focus when there was music playing since the quiet was too distracting. I always forgot stuff even if I made a note so I would write important things all over my arms because then I couldn’t forget. I had fantastic in class participation but could never bring myself to do my homework even when I wanted to or it was easy. Coffee and other things high in caffeine would make me tired and calm instead of hyper. I would hyper-fixate on whatever book I was reading to the point of completely ignoring everything around me and would get unreasonably upset when people would interrupt me.

And while I don’t have to worry about school work anymore since I’m 23 when I started living alone I began noticing other issues I had, and the more I read about ADHD and people with it I began to suspect that I had it, since I displayed so many of the symptoms, especially the ones more common in adult women and those afab.

I noticed how coffee still didn’t really wake me up, just kinda centered everything, and found out that stimulants work differently on the brains of people with ADHD, usually having the opposite affect, and that most adults with diagnosed ADHD self-medicate with coffee. I realized that even today I had a lot of trouble focusing on stuff I found ‘boring’, and would constantly miss tiny details or completely forget to do really, really important things even though I knew they were important like pay rent or call a repairman. I would hyper-fixate on drawing or video games and not get up to eat or use the restroom for like 5-6 hours. Being bored was excruciating. I had severe executive dysfunction, and it could take me hours to just get out of bed and take a shower and eat.

I also have what is called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is common in almost all people who have ADHD. Essentially, it causes you to be hyper-sensitive to any kind of rejection, to the point of a full nervous breakdown. For me, the best example is once my boss needed to talk to me because I had done something wrong, and while he was right that I had messed up, I ended up spending the next hour crying nonstop and had to go home. When people say I did something wrong or make fun of me or even just point out a small mistake I made it can ruin my mood for days and cause me to fall into depressive episodes or cry or start thinking about how worthless I am. The worst part of RSD is that most people who suffer from it develop a fear of trying anything new becuase what if they mess up. They also tend to turn into people-pleasers because if even one person around them is upset they view it as their fault and fall into that cycle. Something like that is a big red flag for ADHD.

I also read how that un-diagnosed ADHD in adult women/afab people can lead to depression and anxiety because they constantly perceive themselves as failing at simple things that other people find so easy, and end up never getting treatment because it doesn’t even occur to them that they could have ADHD.

As for how I got diagnosed, I had recently started getting help for my depression and anxiety and so I asked my doctor about it and she had me explain everything and answer questions and she eventually agreed that I did have it and gave me adderall to help. It still isn’t perfect, the meds do a lot of good but sometimes they are too much and I end up jittery and start disassociating because the balance of sugar/caffeine/stimulants can get too much especially if you have anxiety, and you may have to try different dosages and types of meds before you find the ones that really work. And meds aren’t the be-all-end-all of treatment. You still need to find ways to manage and work with your symptoms, just like with any other mental problem.

So, this got really long but essentially if you think you might have ADHD you should look into it and try talking to a doctor. For me, finding out I had it and getting help was so liberating. I almost cried because I finally knew that I wasn’t just stupid or broken or useless, I just had a disorder and there was something I could do to get better.

If you want to read more about all this you should check out ADDitude Magazine because they have tons of free articles and resources for learning about ADHD and ADD written by and for people with those disorders. and its a really good place to go for info.

I hope this helped. Sorry it got so long T_T

#adhd #adhd help #Anon #Asked And Answered

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vogavogavoga · 6 years ago

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All my childhood I was a restless kid. Never sitting in a one place for more than five minutes, never sitting in a chair properly — crossing and clamping legs, twisting hands. I could start running in rounds, jumping and pulsing with energy minutes before I was supposed to go to sleep. Oh… if only you’d know how I myself wished to be calm and to be able to sit still. Though that active, I’ve been shy and a socially awkward child — I can`t say that friendship and contacting people was easy for me, it was pretty hard to communicate with other kids and grown ups and to understand and maintain appropriate group clues and norms. Kindergarten was not so easy, but not that hard, ‘cause it’s easier to deal with the little children and I was under the watch of my grandmother who was working as a schoolmaster in the kindergarten I’ve been attending. Or more correctly, I was attending kindergarten where my grandma was working.

It really became tough in school since the day one. Sit quiet for a long time and keep the constant focus. If you’re not able to do it — it’s all your fault, why do you do it? From slight questions and disturbance of more experienced teachers to a quite hurtful and dumb humor of the young ones. One crazy episode which I will never forget was getting some young girl as an arts teacher who thought that I WAS SUPPOSED TO DRAW GOOD, when I simply couldn’t often maintain an attention span to draw a straight line. Bad marks, criticism, self-deprecation… Gosh, somehow, maybe thanks to my late grandma, I’ve found an activity to direct my energy whilst overcoming shyness and showing that there’s a thing I could do good, somehow I was in a drama class since 3rd to 8th grade approximately. It helped a bit.

The further it went, the harder it become. Adolescence, you know. Did I mention an important detail, that I was not much of a strong kid too? Combine that with an emotional instability, social awkwardness and so on. Somehow I managed through it. Thanks to my then only big friend and a classmate (with whom we’ve been classmates in a university too) who is still my good friend — he was teaching me how to behave and approach the society of teens and sometimes ready to stand for me physically. And then there was a very shiny period with a small break, which all is an achievement of one of the two great teachers I had. Some people never have one, I guess. I was a happy kid.It was an English teacher Svitlana Zelenskaya, who were also responsible for our class in the 6th grade, as far as I remember. I don’t know were she, how they write — “the kind of person who enjoys their work”, but I can definitely say, that she is a kind of person who does it real good. We were all friends in our class. No bullying. No major problems. Everyone is interested in something. Lot of activities. Forest walks. Who do you want to be when you grow up?I liked learning English a lot, and I don’t know where I’d be now without it. Thank You So Much, Svitlana Volodymyrovna.

The most strange thing was, than on the start of peak of all of this teen blast in 9th grade, 13-14th years old, it was the best time in school. We’ve had another homeroom teacher, not so young and enthusiastic, but somehow we all were maintaining good status. It was friendly, it was interesting.

Then, when I was 12th or 13 years old, there were computers. First at home and father’s job and then on some kind of courses for kids ran by then colleagues of my brother. It was very important to see that there are a lot of kids like me. I waited for these Sundays as for the one real holiday, to hop on a trolleybus with my friend, ride to the Aerospace University, quickly finish the assignments and chat and play computer games and exchange oddball humor remarks.

Now I understand that, probably, something happened in a school structure, which caused a lot of people to leave after 9th grade to some kind of university pre-schools and some teachers left too and then it became real bad.Idea of mixing together quite different kids from established class environments in their 14th-15th looks to me now as an idea to splash some fuel into a running heating chemical reaction and stiring it a little bit.There were good persons who were friendly, smart and open and there were not so good persons, who were angry, stupid and lazy. I have the right to write that about those people. And nobody at school gave a shit about it. Somehow I managed through all of that. Sure, my parents always have been concerned with all of that and when I was 15 years old I got diagnosed with ADHD. The thing was, nobody quite explained what it is, and I obviously didn’t pay much attention to it and soon forgot about it.

University could’ve been good, unless all my problems which I brought with me for years have finally started to reach me and I got into a terrible episode of depression in the middle of my first year. Had a fun time with neuroleptics. Somehow I managed through all of that.Then I became interested in sports, especially martial arts and found that it helps me to focus, to relax, and in the same time gain control of myself. Also, in the beginning of second university year I started working part-time as a programmer, and I still can say it was the best job and one of the best people I’ve ever met. In those years my young radicalism and search for communication and involvement brought me into some regretful activities, but I was socializing with other people. That’s how desperate this could be. Do I feel sorry for that? A lot. Do I regret about it? Nope, what’s done is done.

Finished the university, found the love, started to live together. One day I came home after work and she said that it’s finished. I’m still sorry for that — other person should not pay for my unawareness of myself with their stability and happiness. I was a hell to live with — impulsive, often grumpy, extremely picky, forgetting to spend time together and remembering bad things for years.Those were circa two years then with post-break-up recovery and strange relationships, which was my turn to end then. Which turned-up into a summer depression.The thing that I want to write down in scripture is Many Thanks To Tetyana, if not you, I’d not probably made it that time.

And then there were job problems too. I mean I’ve always been a good worker in sense of performance, if I loved it, but if I didn’t love it — I really did not love it.And then I started to hate everything about my profession. Looking for something I didn’t know I want. Frustrating. Thanks to my wife, we had an ability for me to spend almost two years not working. It helped. I had a structure and plan after that.

Things followed, and then was the major depression (summer again) which peaked before my 30th birthday last year. Things were really bad. I started to attend psychotherapist and somehow it worked for me. Not only this though, also some medications, exercise, meditation and other things big and small. But now I feel much better. Last year my mom said to me, that she’s wondering that I made it past 30. I made it again and with the G-d’s help suppose to make it again and again. Now, after almost 14 years of neglecting, I’ve finally returned and admitted who am I, and I’m learning how to live with that, I’m feeling proud of myself.I’m feeling disturbed about the situation with mental specifics, particularly how most of the people don’t know about that and how neurodiversity is still a new and exotic concept. And how it’s hard if people just think you are “weird”. I hope it will be better.

I was a happy kid.

I don’t blame my parents for anything and I’m really thankful for everything they did for me, they did all what was possible and even more in realities of being something of a poor family in Ukraine, in the 90’s. And no one knew what is ADHD and how to deal with it, even therapists.

I’m thankful to all of my friends for cheering me up, listening to me and being with me.

I’m thankful to my ex-partners for being with me and I’m sorry that it didn’t work out. But it is how it is.

I’m thankful to my therapist for working with me.

I’m thankful to my wife for being with me through all of that and I’m sorry for all the bad moments we’ve had because of me.

I’m thankful to myself.

Love, Voga.

#writings #mental health #mental health awareness #adhd #add #neurodiversity #neuropride

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ellana-ravenwood · 7 years ago

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“Car sex looks so much easier in the movies.” - Jason Todd x Reader (silly erotica)

Summary : The title is pretty self-explanatory. Erotica with feeling yo.

IMPORTANT WARNING : THIS IS EROTICA ! THIS IS NOT FOR YOU IF YOU ARE UNDERAGED, I GODDAMN MEAN IT. Like there’s cute and sweet feelings in the mix, but also...smut, so if you’re not 18 or more, or if you’re not comfortable with that sort of things etc etc, this story ain’t for you. I have tons of other very SFW story, for averyone to read, and if you wanna check those out instead, it’s right here, on My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives.

________________________________________________

Being Jason Todd’s girlfriend wasn’t exactly an easy “task”.

Firstly, there was the fact that he was a night vigilante and that it was a never-ending time of worries for you when he was out. You could never fall asleep when he was fighting in the streets of Gotham...And oh mornings were difficult when you had to go to work and he came home late, or didn’t come home at all...

Secondly, he had an infinite amount of issues, and though you were always his cure, the person that’d made him feel better...it wasn’t always easy to deal with his past traumas. Especially since more often than not, he would refuse to talk to you about his feelings and such... You spend countless hours trying to reassure him, to help him go through a panic attack or anything. The Red Hood wasn’t as invincible as he’d like to lead on. But only you saw his “weaker” side, only with you was he able to let go. And he would be forever thankful for that.

Thirdly, Bruce Wayne. Oh man, Bruce Wayne was a huge problem really. When it started to really get serious between you and Jason, his adopted father decided to take you as a messenger. Like, whenever him and your boyfriend would get into a big fight or something (which happened more than you wished), Bruce would tell you to tell Jason things and vice versa and, frankly, sometimes, it was just extremely annoying and stressful.

Fourthly, you didn’t always have time for each others, both being rather busy. Or actually, being busy when the other one was free; he was mostly working nights and such, and you were working days.

Oh and there were countless other reasons as to why it wasn’t always easy to be Jason Todd’s girlfriend, small and big things, but those were the main ones that you could think about. The ones that were always at the back of your mind.

The main reasons that reminded you constantly why you were so in love with Jason Todd. Because it could only be true love, for you to deal with such a troubled man who sometimes had the emotional capacity of an oyster.

And oh, the way he acted around you was proof enough that the feeling was mutual. That he loved you so much it hurt. That he would die gladly for you, relive all his traumatisms for you...your presence, and people noticed it often, soothed him greatly and blahblahblah all that cheesy shit you really weren’t into ! Uh. It’s like sometimes, you couldn’t help yourself, like your loved rendered you stupid.

You adored that feeling, but also, some of your thoughts almost made you vomit because it was too damn cute and...A hand that you recognized instantly laying on your shoulder distracted you from your thoughts. You turned around and here he was.

Jason Peter Todd.

-Hum excuse me, I’m looking for my girlfriend, (Y/N), have you seen her anywhere ?

You smile lightly. Every time. Every single time. A long time ago, you made a little contract with each other, that you’d go out on dates AT LEAST twice a week (it was often just twice a week...busy people...well, for actual dates, just cuddles on the couch though ? You often had times for that). And every time he came to pick you up from a place you said you’d meet each other at, he would say something like that. With a shrug you point in the distance and say :

-I think she ran that way, told me she didn’t want you anymore because of reasons, apparently your snoring at night is insufferable though. But hey, I’m here, and my name is (Y/N) too, what a coincidence right ?

He smirks and, oh damn this sexy face. And you don’t need another word to know it’s your queue to go on your tip toes (that man was a giant, especially compared to you) and for him to bend down, and kiss you softly.

It’s short and sweet, and when you pull away, your arms stay around his neck, and his hands are comfortably settled on your waist. With another smirk he says :

-I don’t snore.

-Oh yes you do Jay, oh yes you do.

-Only when I’m tired then.

-You must be always tired.

-Which is why I go to bed..

-And snore.

-I don’t snore.

-Just admit it Jason.

-I snore because you tire me out with your incredibly huge libido.

You blush and look around you, a slight panic in your eyes. This was a public place for god’s sake, and oh if even just one paparazzi had heard him the news about “Bruce Wayne’s perverted son” would be all around and...

-Relax (Y/N). I don't think anyone is paying attention to us. And paparazzis are more interested in snatching pictures of Dick and Babs who just got marries, or of Damian and Tim, because they’re in appearance the perfect boys. No one cares about me.

-That’s not true. I do. And Bruce does too. Your brothers, even Damian do as well, and oh man Alfred definitely does too. And fight me on that Jay.

He smiles weakly at you, and you know he only said that because he needed confirmation that yes, he was loved. Oh that insecure cutie of a man. You pull away slightly and shake your head before saying :

-And anyway, I’d rather our private life stays private. So please, no more comments about my libido in public places. Especially since I’m not the one who...

A flash of a camera cuts you right in the middle of your sentence and you turn your head towards it. Looks like Jason was wrong about the lack of interest paparazzis had in him.

When you see him narrow his eyes at the photographers, who was half hiding behind a bush in the park you two met up, you knew it was time to move on. You take his hand and pull him away from the photographers...but Jason’s eyes are still fixed on him, and you can smell troubles.

This was something else that made it difficult to date Jason Todd. He would often get into fights because of his short temper and poor impulse control...And you knew he was going to go ahead and punch that guy, destroying his camera, and make another scandal.

Oh you hated when the press called him the “black sheep of the Wayne family”, you knew it made him feel like shit every time, and that he wished he could control himself more but...He hated when people thought they could do whatever they wanted.

Just like paparazzis. Photographing him and, worst, you, as if they owned the place...It always made him so angry when someone dared disrespecting you, and he thought that taking your picture without asking, even when he wasn’t with you, was disrespectful and...You don’t really think about it.

It’s something that was at the back of your mind for a long time, but you never really dared to ask him. You knew he’d be super into it, because he was always willing to try new things but...you were a bit shy sometimes, when it came to it.

But there, in that instant, you knew it was the thing to do. To take his mind off of that paparazzis, to make him want to leave without any punch and police, and so you go on your tip toes and whisper in his ear :

-My insatiable libido, as you call it, wants to try something new. You. Me. Naked. In your car. In a quiet place around Gotham. On one of the hill. Beautiful view, awesome sex. What do you say ?

You cringe a bit at the way you put your words, always thinking that you were just TERRIBLE at any attempt of dirty talk but...the way he stiffens next to you, how the hand that’s clasped around you squeeze yours, and how his attention shifts from the photographer to your face...Yup. That did the job.

There’s a few seconds of silence, of neither of you moving, the flash of the camera still blinding you...but then he’s in movement, and it’s so resolute that you know you’re in for a lot of fun.

************

You were wrong. This wasn’t fun. This wasn’t fun at all.

Maybe it was because the car Jason had to come pick you up for your bi-weekly evening date was a damn lamborghini and that it didn’t had much room to have sex in ? Like with his 6′4″ Jason was already taking almost all the front seat to himself and the headroom was so low that it was awkward to straddle him...

Or maybe it was because it took you two damn hours to find a spot on the hills that was hidden enough so that you wouldn’t get slap with a public decency fine, but still romantic enough and...well, two hours or driving kinda killed the mood ? There’s a point where you want it so much that not getting it is so frustrating, you end up not wanting it anymore...

Or perhaps it’s the fact that his damn leather jacket won’t get off easily, or that your belt resists his hands ?

In any way, this isn’t going the way you imagined it at all.

Jason was starting to think that he SHOULDN’T have listen to his sixteen years old brother that said “lamborghinis are always classy for a date”...Like why did he even ask Tim what car he should take ? He knew you, he knew you didn’t care about a damn car...And his little brother’s argument about you maybe wearing a dress or a skirt so taking his motorcycle wasn’t a good idea was so stupid ! Because you were (almost) never wearing dresses and skirts and OH MY GOD WHY DID HE LISTEN TO TIM ANYWAY ?

He knew you. Why, sometimes, did he suddenly doubt his ability to please you while he knew you by heart, you what you liked and what you didn’t, knew that you didn’t care about wether his car was a lambo or a honda civic, knew that...Oh but the answer was easy. You drove him crazy, and sometimes, he was attacked by a surge of self-consciousness, thinking about how he wasn’t good enough for you, and he would ask his brothers for ways to impress you...They always had the worst ideas ever.

Like now.

A Lamborghini was definitely not a fitted car for the date you two started to have. Granted, when he asked Tim, he said he’d take you to a restaurant and then to the movie theater, so maybe he couldn’t blame the boy for suggesting the red Gallardo Lambo...But for what you were doing right now ? Terrible choice.

Then again, making love to you in his car wasn’t really something he had plan...thought about ? Yes, plenty. Planned ? Definitely not. He wasn’t sure this was something you’d be into...

And now, he was pretty sure it would never be your thing ever again.

It started off so nicely though. You had pulled over after a long drive (resisting to grope each other on the way because...Well, road heads sounded nice in theory, but Jason didn’t really fancy crashing with his dick in your mouth), in an amazing spot.

If there was a Heaven somewhere, it would surely look like that.Quiet, with a beautiful starry night ahead, and Gotham’s light down there...perfect.

As soon as he pulled over, you had make a move to grab his cock but...he was too impatient. Foreplay wasn’t in question, he waited two hours, listening to all the things you would do to him, and that was definitely enough.

He had grabbed you by the waist and brought you on him, trying to shift his seat all the way back and recline it...but didn’t succeed in doing so, which resulted in you getting rather squashed between your Jason and the wheel. Besides, when he grabbed you, you had forgotten that that damn car had such a low roof and you almost knocked yourself out by bumping your head harshly on the roof...But it was still fine.

It was still hot. It was a tight spot but hey, Jason was reaching under the seat to recline everything, and the bump ? Well, his soothing kiss on your head made everything go away.

Only him counted. And you reached down but...Yeah ok, your mouth couldn’t reach his in that position, he really needed to recline that damn seat.

But it was still fine. You could still unclothed.

Your hand went to his leather jacket and he tried to lift himself up a bit from the seat to allow you to take it off but...realized he was hurting you because he was pushing you too much against the wheel by doing so. And so he leaned back into the seat, making it impossible for you to take his top off...

His free hand, the one that wasn’t trying to find the seat recliner, was trying to undo your belt...without much success. Well, since you couldn’t take his jacket off, you might as well help him and boom, off was your belt.

This was an improvement. You smiled at him and he couldn’t help but smile back, and the fact that you couldn’t reach his mouth was pure torture but...no matter how you’d twist your body, there was just not enough place. And going back in the passenger seat ? You couldn’t, it would kill the mood you knew it, and you’d just go home to have normal sex.

Not that normal sex was a problem, it was always great and you were both always willing to try everything at least once ! But this...this was exciting !

The fear of getting caught, the novelty of the place, the sight seeing...

Jason tried to open the door to leave you some space, but you almost fell out of the car and he quickly gave that idea up. You guys were still in a public place, and there was always a chance that someone would walk by for some reason..Neither you nor Jason fancied getting caught in the act (which is why you overruled the “let’s have sex on the hood” thing...Maybe later, when you’d be back in the garage).

And so he was back at trying to get rid of your pants...with one hand, as he was still fumbling around to find that damn lever.

-Where the fuck is that fucking recliner ?!

You hear him mumble but...you’re too distracted, because you grinded against him and felt his length and...You want it. So bad. Something have to be done about this all awkward situation.

With your help, he manages to get your pants down to your knees, and your panties quickly followed, but right as he was going to go and touch you where you were already so soaked for him...He found the seat recliner, but he pushed it so suddenly that it went down violently fast, and you went flying off of him, face first in the back seat, your most intimate area right on his nose and...

-Jay, this...this isn’t working.

-Yes, I noticed...

You straightened up, and, pulling your pants back up (disappointed that he didn’t even try to swipe at your clit while it was literally in his face), you went back to sit in the passenger seat. Mood : killed.

He reaches for your face because he can see a little bit of blood but you reassure him quickly. It’s nothing, you just bit your lips lightly as you fell face first in the back of the car. No big deal, and he’s instantly reassured.

His childish pouty face made you smile lightly, and, as he puts his seat back up, you landed a small kiss on his cheek, pulling away from him once more, and appreciating that in that position, on the passenger seat, you could finally reach his beautiful face. He turns to you and says :

-Car sex looks so much easier in the movies.

You laugh and the sound of your childish giggle makes him smile. He can’t help it, it’s just so pure and...Oh you can make him smile so easily.

-Right ? I don’t know how Jack and Rose did it in Titanic.

-I hate that film.

-I do to.

-I know, I remember on one of our first date, I thought you’d think it romantic that I’d take you to the movie theater to watch it...

-Yeah, we left after ten minutes when you realized I fucking hated this movie too haha. But hey, you achieved the romantic thing, I thought it was really cute, that you’d endure watching a movie you hate just for me.

You smile shyly and he melts next to you. He shifts closer, and his right arm go around your shoulder, as he bend down to kiss you. You kiss back and one of your hand go rest on his thigh. You pull back again, and he says :

-I’m sorry.

-Don’t be sorry Jay, it’s ok. We tried. We failed. It’s fine, it’s ok to fail sometimes, you told me that yourself.

-Yes, but I...I really wanted it.

-I did too. Maybe we should try again another time...in a limousine ? We’d be sure to have enough space.

He chuckles once more and rests his forehead on yours lightly.

-I love you (Y/N).

-I love you too Jay. Sorry I’m not flexible enough to bend my body at your will and be able to fit in this fucking car.

Oh only you could make him laugh that many time in that short span of time...And then his eyes are lost in yours, and you approach him once more for a kiss.

It’s a sweet and soft kiss. Even as you nibble at his lower lip, it stays tender and slow. And things happen naturally...His hand reach under his seat and the lever he struggled to find minutes ago is in his hand in less than a second, as he shifts the seat all the way back and reclines it.

You straddle him and this time, the wheel doesn’t hurt you, you have enough space. His hand are on your thighs, fingers digging lightly in your skin and it’s as if your tongue was made to dance with his.

You push back a little and he groans in displeasure, but when he realizes you pulled away to get rid of your shirt ? Oh he groans in agreement and straightens up to catch your mouth back with his right after. Your bra is unhooked expertly by BOTH of his free hands and it’s suddenly much easier to take your pants off.

His leather jacket, as well as his shirt are off too rather quickly, and you deftly undo his belt as he smiles in the kiss.

You can’t help but smile back, and you just have to pull away for some air...giving him the perfect excuse to attack your neck with open mouthed kisses that will certainly leave bruises there. You don’t even care.

When you grind purposefully on him, his audible little whine kinda drive you crazy and you gotta get his pants off...It’s still a bit awkward and not that easy, as you raise on your knees to allow him to get his pants down to his ankle, and you don’t let him leave his boxers on...enough with all this wait, you don’t have time to be a tease, off with the boxers too, his cock springing free. Finally.

Oh it’s like that eh ? His mouth latch at one of your breast as he plays with the other one, making you gasp as you weren’t waiting for him to be that “aggressive” all of a sudden...You love it.

You’re still straddling him your weight resting on your knees when you’re panties are off in a matter of seconds as well, and why wait some more ? As you get back down on him, you help him, after a few strokes that made him shiver (payback for him sucking on your tits like that), ease himself inside you and you both let out a long sigh as his length fully sheathed itself deep inside you.

You still for a minute, your thighs on each side of his waist, waiting to adjust to his size, and he takes advantage of that to sneakily swipe his thumb on your clit...making you gasp once more.

Oh you hated this, when he could take control like that that easily. But you also loved it...

You laid down on him, your boobs against his pecs, your belly against his abs, and he automatically wrapped his arms around your torso. Grabbing the headrest for some leverage, you started to slowly rock your hips up and down.

Breath mixes with breath, sloppy kisses and caresses...this is more like you envisioned things. You set a slow pace but...well, you love when he’s being dominant, and you let him accelerate his movements, knowing exactly how to take you to make you whimper in need.

He knows your body by heart, he knows that if he pinches your nipple like this, you moan. And if he bites right there on your pulse point, in your neck, you sigh deeply. If he thrusts his hips harder upward as he takes you down on his dick, you scream. His name, mostly.

And oh your sounds combined with the pleasure of feeling you all around him ? It never fails to make him utter those sexy noises of pleasure you love so much.

You pull away from his chest, and he lets you, curious to see what you have in store and...oh. Oh !

You angle the automated mirrors on the side of the car just right so he can get the perfect look of your ass and how your back muscles languidly roll and...his piston like thrusts into you convince you you did the right thing. It always turned him on so much to be able to look at all of you.

Your face and how it contorts in pleasure isn’t enough, he needs to see...everything. The way all your muscles move. The slight twitch you make at all of his touches...

And it suddenly occurs to you that you might be too loud. You can’t help it, he knows exactly which spots to hit inside you to uncurl you, and you know exactly how to make him groan loudly and such and...Well, again, a public indecency fine isn’t really what you want. So. Music ? Music.

You turn the radio on, and turns the sound a bit louder than you should really, not even thinking about how this could attract cops more than your love making sounds.

The sound of skin slapping skin, as you bounce on him, slowly subside for one of your favorite song ever : (your favorite song). And because you put the music so damn loud, the car starts to vibrate from all over and...it brings you a new set of sensations you never even thought existed ? The way the car starts thumping all around, and the feel of his body beneath you...It’s a new kind of pleasure really.

You fall back on him, but not fully, as you try to hold your weight on your arms, your hand on his pecs. His hands are on your waist by now, helping you going up and down on his length, and making them roll a bit for maximum pleasure for you. And oh the way your hair starts to go all disheveled and how sweat forms on your body...He impales you even harder and faster. Which is exactly what you wanted.

Because all the windows are hot, steam starts to form on the windows and, as a joke, you wink at him and put your hand on one of the window, making a handprint and dragging it all over the window imitating with exaggeration that Titanic scene. He laughs and it makes his chest vibrates, and you can’t help but bend down to kiss him...

But of course, things aren’t that smooth and you slip and fall on your side, on the car door, his cock slipping out of you and...Oh you did it didn’t you ? You just ruined the mood ? But car sex started to be so awesome !

He laughs some more and straighten up, helping you getting back on him only...He spins you around and you find yourself on your hand and knees. You barely have time to register what he’s about to do before he pushes into you once more and oh...He never fails to drive you absolutely nuts as he makes love to you.

He always knows, somehow, what you need, even when you don’t know yourself and oh, doggy style ? Definitely what you need.

He drives into you, jackhammering against you as you push back on his length and it’s just perfect synchronization of both your bodies. It’s too good and perfect and you slowly slip on your arms, your belly is now almost touching the seat and...

He puts his arms around your torso and puts you back up on your knees, and, without loosing the connection, turns you around to face him once more, and you’re straddling him again. He spins on his knees and he’s now sitting on the edge of the driver’s seat, rising your legs on his shoulder, and flushing your back against the steering wheel, his arms on your waist, your hands clasping his forearms as he push back inside of you and oh...oh this new angle is pure bless.

You’ve been with him for quite a long time now, but oh you’ll never get tired about how his abs and pectorals move as he pumps into you, how his hair get all messy and sweaty, how he holds onto you for dear life, how in his eyes, behind the lust and passion, there’s so much love for you...It wasn’t always easy to be Jason Todd’s girlfriend, but for moments like this ? Oh for moments like this you’d live through every trouble ever in one sitting, just to see him like this. To see him completely carefree, and happy.

At first you didn’t think you would be able to do it. He had gone through so much that, how could you ever save him from his sadness and...A rather hard pumps of his cock inside you makes you loose your breath and your thoughts and you know he did it on purpose.

He dislikes when you think to much about him when he makes love to you. Of course, he loves being on the receiving ends of things but...sometimes, like right now, he wants things to be all about you, and he just reminded you of that with an expert roll of his hips into you.

Your scream of pleasure makes him smile, and as he lets out small moans that are absolutely sexy and hot, he makes you scream over and over and over again. But it’s only when he starts to play with your clit, brushing his thumb on it furiously, that you loose it completely.

He can feel you loosing grasp on his forearms and slipping down but...Oh he’s so strong, he catches you back and holds you all by himself.

It feels like your ankles were made to fit on his shoulders and as he thrusts you can't help but bringing him closer and...he manages to kiss you, and the position is oh so pleasurable and...it comes without warning.

Or rather, you come without warning. He can feel you shiver against him and the moan you lets out is longer, more drawn out and much intimate than before and the way you clutched around him...There’s not a doubt that you just came. Hard. And it drives him over the edge too, not even feeling you clutch around his dick like that, but to see your “o” face, to feel your body shiver, to know it’s because of him...His pace becomes more erratic and as you come down from your highs he pulls out of you and ejaculate right below you, on the fucking steering wheel.

You slide back into his laps, and you stay like that for a long time, naked skin against naked skin, sticky with sweat and bodily fluid...It’s only when you shiver again, but from cold this time, that he starts to move.

He manages to lift your boneless body on the backseat as he grabs some tissues and a bottle of water to clean you and himself up...He then joins you, and takes a blanket that he always have in his car for emergencies (though this wasn’t really the kind of emergencies he had in mind) and goes behind you to lovingly spoon you flat against him.

He breathes in your hair and...you’re asleep before you know it, completely exhausted.

************

Hours later, the night is still there when you open your eyes, and you know he’s awake as he caresses your side up and down with the tip of his fingers. You twist your head around and he lands a sweet kiss on your nose.

-Hey there. I was about to wake you up, we should probably get a move on before anyone actually get too curios about this lambo parked on a hill like that...

You nod and yawn loudly, the cute sound making him melt, but before grabbing your clothe, you remember something important :

-Say, Jason.

-Yes love ?

-This was all great, even though it started awkwardly but...You know what will be even more awkward ? And totally not great ?

-No, what ? If it’s about how small the space is, if you want, yes, next time we’ll do it in a limousine and...

-I’m not talking about that babe.

-What are you talking about then (Y/N) ? The awkward spooning position we’re in ? Like how you could fall any minute and ruin the cheesy mood all over again ?

You laugh lowly and shake your head, pointing to a place in the front seat. The place where Jason...Oh. Oh he suddenly understands. His suspicions are confirmed when you say, half-giggling :

-...How are you going to explain to Bruce the stain you just made on his car ?

Fin.

______________________________ Awful. Sorry. It’s very late...And I haven't wrote erotica in so long I visibly forgot how to do it :/. Uh. Like I ever knew. Anyway. Boom. Sorry.

#Jason Todd x reader #Jason Todd imagine #Jason Todd reader insert #Jason Todd #Red Hood x reader #Red Hood imagine #Red hood reader insert #Jason Todd fanfiction #Red Hood fanfiction #Jason Todd x you #Jason Todd x y/n #Red Hood x you #Red hood x y/n #batfam #batfamily #batfam x reader #Batfam oneshot #batfam imagine

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fourplayergame · 7 years ago

Text

An Analysis on Jason Dean

Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of othersI’ve wanted to make a post on this ever since I watched the musical + movie a few weeks ago. I want to make a disclaimer before I get into the rest of the post, however: Just because I’m making a point about this obviously horrible person, that does not mean that I believe that people with the disorders that I will be pointing out are bad people.

The case of Jason Dean is simply me throwing headcanons, and using logic to back these headcanons up. If you don’t agree, then that’s your opinion that you are more than welcome to.

This post also does not serve to justify his actions in the movie and musical. Jason Dean is a horrible, horrible person. No mental illness or diagnosis can change or justify his actions.

With that out of the way, I’ll start my analysis under the cut.

From my research of different disorders, Jason Dean shows very obvious signs and symptoms of two Cluster B personality disorders: Borderline Personality Disorder and Anti-Social Personality Disorder. In this post, I’ll be going in-depth with my reasoning as to why I feel that these two disorders fit Jason Dean as a character... Without including the murders that litter the plot of Heathers. They’re self-explanatory, and I feel that including them would be in bad taste, and there’s plenty of other subtextual things that prove my headcanon without the outright implication of “he murdered three people, that’s more than enough proof he has these disorders.”

I’ll start with Borderline Personality Disorder. The list of symptoms that I will be using for this post can be found [here]. I’ll be going down the list and pointing canonical facts to support my claims.

Efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as rapidly initiating intimate (physical or emotional) relationships or cutting off communication with someone in anticipation of being abandoned

This one is fairly obvious, considering how he’s very quick to get upset over the idea of Veronica leaving him. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep her from leaving, because he needs her. See his promise to change in Seventeen, as well as his reaction when she breaks up with him after McNamara’s attempted suicide.

The attempt to bomb the school falls under this, due to his views of the school + student body “taking” her from him, and causing her to abandon him.

Also, see his warning to Veronica in Freeze Your Brain:

But the sky’s gonna hurt when it falls So you’d better start building some walls

A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)

Four words: Meant To Be Yours. He’s so mood-swingy about Veronica in the song, and it’s one of the things that makes it so amazing to me. He goes from sadness to anger in a split second, and then back again.

Not to mention the very beginning of the song!

You chucked me out like I was trash, For that you should be dead-- But! But! But! Then it hit me like a flash! What if high school went away instead?

It’s also important to note his views of the Heathers and the Jocks: they’re all terrible people who deserved to die. There’s no gray area when it comes to people for him. People are either good or bad, with no in between.

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self

His entire identity, throughout the musical, revolves around Veronica’s love for him.As long as Veronica loves him, he’s... Okay. Ish.

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.

I know that I said that I wouldn’t use the murders to prove my point, but I feel this is a necessary place to: his decision to kill Heather Chandler is impulsive. A spur of the moment thing, and something that he obviously doesn’t think through very well. He’s very aware of how risky the situation is, yet he continues to not tell Veronica that she grabbed the wrong cup.

Also in the movie he rides his motorcycle without a helmet.

Self-harming behavior, such as cutting

The entirety of Freeze Your Brain.

Also, in Meant to Be Yours:

You left me and I fell apart I punched the wall and cried BAM! BAM! BAM!

Recurring thoughts of suicidal behaviors or threats

Once again, look at Freeze Your Brain and the fact that he??? Literally kills himself at the end.

When the voice in your head Says your better off dead Don’t open a vein Just freeze your brain!

Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days

Again, I would like to point you to the entire end of the musical, where his mood is changing rapidly. Not just in Meant to Be Yours, but also between Dead Girl Walking (Reprise) and Damaged.

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger

Once Again, see Meant to Be Yours. Also, in general, how he gets incredibly angry over little things throughout the musical. Especially when he points the gun at Veronica, even if it is an accident.

Difficulty trusting, which is sometimes accompanied by irrational fear of other people’s intentions

Freeze Your Brain’s beginning:

Don’t learn the names Don’t bother with faces

Now, for ASPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, I will be using the symptoms listed [here].

Antisocial personality disorder, sometimes called sociopathy, is a mental condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others. People with antisocial personality disorder tend to antagonize, manipulate or treat others harshly or with callous indifference. They show no guilt or remorse for their behavior.

Individuals with antisocial personality disorder often violate the law, becoming criminals. They may lie, behave violently or impulsively, and have problems with drug and alcohol use. Because of these characteristics, people with this disorder typically can't fulfill responsibilities related to family, work or school.

Disregard for right and wrong.

I feel that this one is fairly obvious. JD doesn’t really care if what he’s doing fits into society’s definition of “right” and “wrong.” He’s doing his own thing, and that’s all that really matters to him.

Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others.

Did you meant: The Entire Musical and Movie? JD consistently lies to Veronica to get her to go along with what he wants to do. He purposefully doesn’t tell her that she grabbed the wrong cup, and also the whole “Ich Luge Bullets” lie. Both to exploit Veronica into helping him achieve his less-than-morally-sound goals.

Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others.

He has no respect for most other people, especially not the authority figures in his life. Veronica is an exception, in some ways. But even then?

He’s a very callous and cynical person, and for fuck’s sake. He shoots a gun in the house just to piss his dad off.

Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure.

Again, please see literally the entire musical. The Ich Luge Bullets scene comes to mind again, as well as his manipulation of Heather Duke to get those signatures for the note. He’s a manipulative person who’ll go to the extreme to accomplish what he wants.

Arrogance, a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated.

“Our Love is God.” JD has a severe God Complex, labeling himself as the Judge, Jury, and Executioner of all those who had done terrible things at Westerburg.

His opinions are really all that matters to him, and let’s take a look at the movie for a lovely example. In the scene where he takes Veronica away from the pasture? When he’s pissed about her spending time with another Heather?

“Sorry, I’m feeling a little superior tonight.” Followed by the iconic: “Our love is God, let’s go get a Slushie.” quote.

Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior.

Ignoring the murders? There’s still the fights that he gets into.

Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonesty.

Meant to Be Yours. Just, the entirety of Meant to Be Yours. He’s intimidating Veronica because he wants her back, not caring about how she feels about the situation. He’ll do anything to get her back, because she makes him feel loved. It’s not really about how much he loves her-- He loves the fact that she loved him. And he wants that back.

Impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead.

Admittedly, this entirely describes Musical JD. Movie JD is quite the opposite, however.

Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence.

JD is snappy and violent throughout the entire musical. The scene where he pulls out the gun to shoot the TV? And then points it at Veronica by “accident” when she breaks up with him?

He’s a very irritable and aggressive person, especially if he doesn’t get what he wants. Not to mention, again, violence.

Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others.

He doesn’t show any remorse after the murders. At all. He doesn’t show any legitimate remorse throughout the musical. Not even in “I am Damaged.” He’s simply parroting the things that Veronica had said during Seventeen, proving his feeling that he deserves to die over her.

Though I suppose the entirety of “I Am Damaged” proves BPD, more than anything.

Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others.

I don’t think that there’s any canon evidence for this, but I can still see it.

Poor or abusive relationships.

His relationship with his dad! His relationship with Veronica!

How can anyone look at JDRonica and say that it isn’t toxic as shit? Because it is. Sorry guys, I love the ship? But it’s toxic as fuck, and I really wish that people would portray it as such.

JD isn’t good for Veronica. Their relationship is toxic and unhealthy.

Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them.

Seventeen happens, and then what does JD do after the Shine a Light incident? He suggests killed Heather Duke. He learned nothing from what he and Veronica talked about during the song.

He thinks that Veronica will still love him, even though she made it clear that he needs to stop. Thus she breaks up with him, because he doesn’t know right from wrong. He doesn’t consider that his actions have consequences, and he oversteps the very clear boundary that was set in Seventeen.

To conclude? JD is mentally ill and unstable as fuck, and needed serious help that he didn’t get. Things could have ended better if he had gotten the help that he needed, but he didn’t. And so everything went to shit.

Please stop ignoring how unstable he is just for your “Cute” and “pure” ship. Learn to actually look at a character, instead of turning them into something that they’re not.

#jason dean #jd #heathers #heathers the musical #meta #headcanons #heathers headcanons

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nighttimefjaeril · 7 years ago

Note

Jyoan and Houmei for the send me a ship thing~~

Omfg I had a feeling this was gonna get asked, I wonder why… ; D

Well dear, you’re in luck ‘cause, as expected, I have a lot to say about this particular pairing~

Who said “I love you” first

That’s a little tricky, because to be honest, I’m not even sure that they would ever dare saying it straight out to one another? Because… one is too proud for such passionate declarations , the other, well… let’s say that he’s afraid of commitment, and those three words definitely scream commitment, so. But… I guess that they would get there at some point. Eventually. It’s definitely not an everyday thing for them.But for the sake of the question… I like to think that Jyoan would say it first. Probably during a heated argument. Or perhaps if drunk (see more of that below). Either way, it has to be in a situation where he’s not in full control of himself and able to let his guard down.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

Houmei used to have a rare picture as his phone backround, in which Jyoan didn’t turn out… exactly great (he’s usually very photogenic but hey, everyone has their mishaps!). He of course was the one who took it, but as soon as Jyoan found out he made him delete it, so ; D Now Houmei has something random, probably a cute animal, while Jyoan has a picture of himself of course! But they take lots of pictures together, so I’m sure they both have a specific folder with pictures of each other…

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

Houmei of course! He’s the type to write random shit and maybe draw butts and penises? ; D And even though Jyoan low-key finds it funny (he wouldn’t admit it though), it still drives him mad ‘cause he has to clean it (he’s definitely the neat-freak of the two).

Who buys the other cheesy gifts

Houmei purposefully tries to find the most awful, tasteless and cheesy stuff ever for Jyoan as joke gifts, it’s like a tradition for them! That’s because they always butt heads when it comes to aesthetic: Jyoan has great taste and is extremely particular about everything, while even though Houmei can tell good from bad taste, he genuinly loves trash and camp, so whenever he sees something tacky he can’t help but being drawn to it. Of course, a second serious gift always comes along with the first, which proves that Houmei himself can have good taste, if he wants to.

Who initiated the first kiss

Oh man… there are so many ways in which this could happen, to be honest I can’t decide! I wanna say Houmei, ‘cause he’s definitely the most forward of the two in this sense, but at the same time I could totally picture Jyoan acting out on impulse, especially if emotions like anger, frustation etc. come in play. I would picture Houmei doing it as in a way of cutting the tension and going with the flow, but the idea of Jyoan kissing Houmei on impulse and hating himself later is just too good… >:)

Who kisses the other awake in the morning

Houmei and Jyoan’s usual response is “Yeah no… let’s brush our teeth first and then I may consider it.“

Who starts tickle fights

Needless to say, Houmei, and needless to say, Jyoan hates it :’ D He’s extremely ticklish so he reacts pretty violently too, but Houmei doesn’t mind, he just has too much fun with it, despite the fact that he ends up beaten up in the process (not that Jyoan’s hits do much in terms of pain for him, but still~)

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

Well…while Jyoan may be reluctant to morning cuddles due to morning breath, I could see him try to make up for it in the shower perhaps :’ D In general, I could see both of them spending a lot of time in there, and not just for sexual stuff; because they’re both pretty vain (YES, Houmei too, even though it’s probably partly Jyoan’s doing :’D) they would definitely enjoy taking long baths together with matching face masks and coconut oil in their hair! So yeah, if Jyoan asks Houmei to join him in the shower it could either mean “Hey come in the shower and let’s fuck” or “Hey come in the shower so we can try this new body scrub together!” ; D

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch

Houmei would bring his homemade meal for Jyoan to taste (he’s definitely the cook of the couple, even though he always makes a mess in the kitchen), also as an excuse to check on him and make sure he eats enough (I can picture Jyoan skipping meals and eating very little in general, but that’s for a completely different headcanon thing).

Who was nervous and shy on the first date

Hahah well, in Ibun-verse they wouldn’t really need to go on a date together, would they? But speaking in general, Jyoan would definitely be the nervous one! Being a perfectionist he would obsess over making a good impression, wanting things to go as smoothly as possible etc….I wouldn’t go as far as to say that he’s the type to bring a list of topics to talk about, but he would definitely plan and overthink everything so much! Luckily for him, Houmei is the complete opposite, he just goes with the flow and would make Jyoan feel at ease, being a brilliant speaker and bringing up interesting topics naturally. I would say that their first date would go pretty smoothly with a little bit of awkardness and tension thrown in there… :3

Who kills/takes out the spiders

Surprisingly enough, Jyoan. He’s less squeamish that it seems, and has no qualms in killing bugs; Houmei would start acting over-the-top disgusted/scared on purpose, he could probably take care of spider just as easily, but he’s simply too lazy for it and would rather have Jyoan do it. Also, he would half-jokingly make a fuss over killing the insect instead of taking it out, saying things like “You’re so cruel! That poor spider still had so much life ahead of him… think of his wife, his children…”, to which Jyoan would just roll his eyes and call him a wimp.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

As stated earlier, I could picture Jyoan getting… very impulsive in a situation where he’s not in full control of himself, such as when intoxicated. As headcanon I think he can hold his alcohol pretty well, but he still doesn’t know his limits and when it happens, whell, drunk!Jyoan is probably pretty fun to witness…Houmei, who holds his alcohol better, definitely thinks so too :’D But yeah, I imagine Jyoan getting emotional and clingy when shitfaced, and it would one of the rare occasions where he’d be honest with his feelings towards Houmei, without his ego getting in the way. And when it happens, Houmei makes sure to have a phone with him to record the happening :‘3

Whoa, that was the last question! As always, I wrote so much heheh… but I have so much to say about these two, I could go on forever really! And thank you so much Kima for giving me the chance to, hope you’ll have fun reading them… and perhaps you should do the same with Koumyou and Ukoku… ;)

#ship meme #long post #watch me gush over the rarepair that ruined my life #houmei/jyoan #lunar butterfly #houmei #jyoan #askestuffedbunny

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some-cookie-crumbz · 8 years ago

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Thoughtful Impracticality

Title: Thoughtful Impracticality - Kidge Week Day 7 Prompt Fill Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender Pairing: Keidge Summary: They say the best gifts come from the heart, right? Standard Disclaimer: If you read and enjoy this, please give it a like/ reblog so I know if I should write more. AN: Just call me Chester, because I’m a filthy cheetah. Anyway, same forewarning for the other two fics; read through once for problems so be aware.

She wasn’t really expecting to be so completely blindsided by him.

She knew that Keith was smarter than some people they knew – Lance – gave him credit for. She’d spent enough late nights talking with him and too many hours bonding through training exercises for the improvement of their teamwork to not know a great many things about him; all these facts ranging from being trivial to important. The two most important – in her expert opinion – were that he was a sentimental soul who actually called his Lion partner Rose in secret because it made her feel special, and that he could be quite clever with his tactics when devising an attack plan. He was pretty good at stealth, sneak attacks, and was extremely observant, so his being a great strategist wasn’t too terribly surprising. The only person more observant than him on the team would be Pidge herself, or maybe Shiro.

Keith had a bad tendency at being impulse and stubborn, though. He’d charge in like a starved wolf without thinking over current risk factors or later consequences, focused only on taking down his opponent and the victory closest at hand. She didn’t have too much room to talk, seeing as she herself could be just as impulsive and brazen as him, but she still found herself floored by his thorough planning and ability to lead when he actually took the extra time for strategy.

Perhaps that was why she fell for him as hard as she did.

They’d been on Team Voltron for three years and had been dating for nearly one year. They hadn’t told the rest of the team about their relationship, though, due to fear of the reactions they’d receive. They knew they really shouldn’t be keeping secrets and that, when the mechanical cat was inevitably let out of the castle-sized bag, there could be terrible repercussions for their deceit. They felt awful about it and were dreading the day, but they also knew that they were professionals at this point and didn’t want to get lectured about fraternizing being a risk to themselves and their teammates. They’d proven time and again over this last year that their personal feelings for one another could be placed to the side when it was necessary for the safety of the team. Pidge feared the others not seeing it that way, and Keith knew that Shiro would have quite a few examples on hand of how it could all go down the drain.

They had docked on their most recent exploration planet only a few hours ago, with the planet’s night cycle on the horizon. Allura and Shiro agreed that exploring would be something best done in the daylight and suggested the others spend the time getting some well-deserved rest. Pidge, thinking the idea of sleep actually sounded pretty good for once, had headed off to her own quarters and dozed off near immediately after swapping into an oversized green tunic that functioned more as a nightgown for her. After only a few hours of slumber, she’d been poked in the nose, causing her to scrunch it up and groan loudly.

Her response was an all too familiar voice, cooing teasingly, “Aw, poor sleepy bird.”

“Go. Away. Sleeping,” She grumbled, turning so her back was facing him and nuzzling deeper into her covers. She let out a contented sigh as well, hoping that it would be enough to coax him into leaving.

She had forgotten who she was dealing with, apparently.

Keith felt a grin turn up on his lips, seeing the challenge and feeling pride that he knew how to approach it. Whether by design, a sense of necessity, or simply her own preference, Pidge spent most of the time she had to herself working on decoding this or programming that or preparing this upgrade for that lion and so on. It made certain tasks easier – such as rounding her up for training – but on the flip side, she was an absolute workaholic whom would occasionally skips meals from being so focused on her work. On days where she was so engrossed in her work that meals and hygiene fell to the wayside, Shiro would be sent in to peacefully extract her. But on days where Shiro was preoccupied helping Coran and Allura with battle plans or navigations or something of that ilk, the other three paladins would typically draw straws to see who would have to find a way to coax the aggressive pigeon from her perch.

Years of being selected as the unenthused bird keeper most often had prepared Keith Kogane for this moment.

Their being in a relationship didn’t necessarily mean he would be spared from taking pointed elbows and surprisingly forceful kicks to the shin; Pidge Gunderson showed no mercy when it came to getting her way. Her fortitude and refusal to give up were admirable qualities but when those same qualities were applied to her temper tantrums, it was far from charming. He tended to be the best at coercing her to deviate from her own plans – second only to Shiro, but he understood why and took no offense to that fact – because he could be just as bombastic and stubborn and just plain mean as she would be.

Her attempts to shove him out of the hanger would typically end with him throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He would retaliate to the jabs and blows she’d dish out in her indignation at being carried with small pinches to the backs of her knees and rounding a corner quick enough to clip her foot or shoulder. And, the cherry on top, was that Pidge herself had taught him how to hack into the controls on the bedroom doors once when they were pulling a prank on Lance. He very rarely ever made use of the skill, but it had occasionally come in handy during spats or disagreements between them.

Keith leaned over and pinched at her side gently, knowing all too well how ticklish she was there. She yelped and shot upright, shifting to try and dig an elbow into his side. He anticipated that move, however, and side-stepped smoothly. She tumbled over the side of her bed and hit the ground, her equilibrium still drastically skewed from her being half-awake, becoming a mess of flailing limbs and tangled covers. She scrambled to sit upright, the blankets pooling around her, and blew a few strands of hair out of her face. “What do you want, Keith?” She growled through clenched teeth.

He squatted down so they were eye level - Pidge noting that he had changed into his Paladin armor - and flashed a huge, proud grin. She’d seen this grin on his face before; he usually sports it right before flipping his opponent flat on their back during combat training. The expression caught her interest, cooling some of her fury with a balm of curiosity. “Get geared up, grab your bayard, and meet me in the hanger. I’ve got a little surprise for you,” He said.

She hummed quietly in thought before getting up. “Alright, alright. But if this isn’t worth it, I’m volunteering you to help Lance practice new pick-up lines,” She warned, scooping up her covers and tossing them into a heap on the bed.

He rolled his eyes and headed to the door. “Whatever you say, Katie,” He hummed before disappearing out the door.

She waited until she could hear his footsteps echoing down the hallway before putting herself back together. She contemplated going back to bed out of spite but she knew that he would just come and wake her up again; or, even worse, he’d find some other thing to do for vengeance. On top of that, the use of her actual name had her especially curious.

It was only in their most quiet and intimate moments that he ever called her Katie. Only Shiro and Keith were aware that Pidge wasn’t her actual name – more because neither Hunk nor Lance had seemed particularly interested in that information – and while she’d gotten somewhat used to hearing Shiro call her as such, whenever Keith called her, it still left her heart skipping beats. She changed into her armor as she was told, grabbed her bayard and a hair tie, and headed out.

She walked into the hanger to find him leaning against one of Red’s paws and checking a stop watch, the hanger doors already open for take-off.

“Okay, what is this oh-so-phenomenal surprise you felt the need to wake me up over?” She asked while setting her helmet down on her make-shift desk at her work station. She then started to comb her fingers through her hair to tie it back. Since revealing herself to her team, she’d decided to grow her hair out again, having honestly missed having long hair to play with.

Keith made a small noise in the back of his throat as he approached her, swiping the hair tie from her grasp and taking over working on her hair. “Why didn’t you tie this back before you even got here?” He asked.

In all honestly, she’d done it because the feel of his fingers combing through her hair and gently working the tresses into quick buns or French braids was relaxing for her; however, she wasn’t going to tell him the whole truth. “Because it’s more fun to make you do it for me. A small price you have to pay for waking my happy ass up. Now answer my question, you dodgy jerk,” She hummed back.

He smirked a bit as he finished up the quick bun for her, flicking the little knot of hair lightly. “First, get in Green. Then follow me, and I’ll show you,” He said before retreating to climb into Red’s cockpit.

She scowled and made her way to Green, tugging on her helmet. “That boy may as well be a damn ballerina with all those fancy moves,” She grumbled bitterly. She could feel Green’s amusement as she headed in to Green’s cockpit as well. She flopped down in her seat and reached for the controls. “Did Red give you any hint as to what exactly he’s got up his sleeve?” She asked as she watched the other metal feline shift and walk toward the exit

Green laughed lightly. “Sorry, little one, but I’ve been sworn to secrecy. Lion’s honor,”

“Well aren’t you just helpful today?” She sighed before Green lurched forward, following their comrades out.

Once they were a good distance from the castle ship, they went by the mechanical beasts’ paws instead of relying on their flying capabilities, much to her surprise. But then again, that was probably part of his plan too; the planet was certainly a gorgeous one. Red and Keith led them through rolling hills of what she assumed was pastel orange grass, halting at pools of some kind of liquid – or so she hoped, given past experiences they’d had over the years – gleaming a deep, rich purple hue with glittering silver and gold stones of some sort at the bottom. Keith hadn’t said anything over the communicator to her – only pausing at certain points to wait for her to catch up and gawk a little – before he and Red would charge ahead again.

She was left in their dust and in awe at one trail they cut past in specific.

The trees on the planet reminded her of an odd hybrid between birch and weeping willows; pale, alabaster trunks that stretched out high and wide, but their leaves dangled far off the branches like wisps of unruly hair. The leaves were the real game changers, though; they were translucent and came in various shades of yellow, orange and red, catching in the light like stained glass and casting colorful shadows along the ground in the rising light. She felt her breath catch as she looked around, wondering how long Keith had been milling around exploring earlier, before she pulled him up on the communicator. “Keith, this is amazing!” She said excitedly as he appeared on the small holographic monitor.

He flashed a small smile. “I’m glad you’re enjoying, but this isn’t the surprise,”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Wait, what?”

“I mean, I’m glad you’re enjoying the sights, but I had no idea it looked like this. It was really nice at night, though, so I should have figured it would be pretty during the day too. Consider this a happy accident, I suppose,” He explained with a small shrug, guiding Red further into the thicket of trees to settle underneath one. She had noticed he was starting to pick up her habit of occasionally rambling when answering question, though he didn’t do it for nearly as long and he typically stayed relatively on topic. “No, what I wanted to show you is just up ahead, in a ravine, but we need to leave the Lions here to make sure we aren’t detected.”

She wanted to ask why they didn’t just come in one Lion if he was concerned about being spotted – especially since Green could cloak for short bursts of time – but decided not to argue. She supposed he was thinking it’d be better to have two Lions if they did end up in a fire fight with any unfriendly faces. Green sidled up beside Red and settled comfortably for Pidge to disembark. Keith was waiting a few paces ahead for her, smile still in place and his bayard already pulled out.

She slipped her own bayard into her grip as she fell in step with him, matching her footfalls to his. He had helped teach her how to walk more quietly, move more carefully, shift her weight to make her movements a bit more graceful; a skill that was useful for missions and sneaking back and forth from his room when her nightmares made sleep near impossible. “So, were you just out exploring instead of sleeping, then?” She asked.

He hummed lightly. “When we landing I thought I saw something. Allura said to leave it be for now, since it seemed to be a ways off and hadn’t noticed us yet, but it was bothering me. I figured it’d be a good idea to get some intel on whatever it was,” He said calmly, shifting a bit closer to her as the mouth of the ravine came into view. When they walked, his hand occasionally bumped against hers, the soft clack of their armor creating a surprisingly comforting background noise.

As they peered over into the large, deep ravine below, she was stunned.

It was a Galra camp of some sort, but she wasn’t entirely sure at first. There was a huge hole carved into the side of the gorge – or, she reasoned, perhaps it was the mouth of some sort of cave – and that seemed to be where all the action was taking place. There were sentries posted here and there but there were two actual Galra guards standing watch by the entrance. There were two large buildings – windowless, dilapidated husks more than buildings, really – and two small shacks positioned in between the two buildings. Both buildings were in just as sad a state of repair but one of them had a hanging sign above the door; a wooden sign, hanging loosely from chains, with a red cross painted on it. A sick bay of sorts, she assumed. There was a Galra ship settled to the far left of the ravine and a few more guards and sentries were exiting the ship.

As one of the Galra headed toward one of the larger buildings, a blaster and megaphone clutched tightly in his hands, it dawned on her what they were staring at.

“I’ve been observing this place ever since I found it,” Keith supplied, taking her slack-jawed expression for the epiphany that it was. She flinched at the sound of his voice then turned her head to look at him with wide eyes. “I caught them toward the end of the day before, so I didn’t get a good look at the workers, but one of the few I saw looked a lot like you. Did… Did your brother walk with a limp?”

Your father was sent away to a work camp.

Matt and I were sent to the arena.

Matt was scared.

Grabbed a guard’s weapon and struck Matt.

Take care of your father.

Despite how long ago the conversation had been had, she could still remember it clear as day. Shiro had saved her brother Matt from dying in the arena by injuring him. Shiro assumed that the Galra would heal Matt’s leg – they had the technology to do that much, he was sure of it – but assuming that they opted not to, it could make sense. Shiro admitted that it had been a deep cut he had inflicted. If the Galra had only given him basic treatment to get him work-ready then he could have suffered after effects. “You found him,” She finally wheezed out, her breathing starting to pick up and her eyes watering.

He settled one hand on top of hers and squeezed gently. “Happy anniversary, Katie,” He said simply.

She broke down, letting out embarrassing little sob-giggle hybrids as tears started to fall. “You… You found my brother as an anniversary gift?” She blubbered, squeezing his hand back as tightly as she could, but she was smiling.

“Well, I found this place while I was just trying to find a nice spot for, like, a picnic or something. I mean, Lance has raved about how that’s a great way to woo a girl,” He said with a small laugh. He held up his free hand and held out his thumb and index fingers as he ticked off two points. “But then I realized that we don’t exactly have a lot of options for picnic-y foods – because I still barely understand how to cook half the stuff Hunk has found that’s edible – and also that I doubt we could bluff our ways out of it if we got caught on the picnic. So I thought that, as far as woo-worthy gestures go, helping you spring your brother from an intergalactic concentration camp might be a nice alternative.”

She stared at him before she squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard to fight back more hiccups and laughs and tears. Of course Keith would be the one to find something like this and put the knowledge to an oddly impractical use. “I feel like such a smuck now! I was just going to upgrade your bayard so that you could alter the length and curve of your blade however you wanted!” She choked out lightly.

He laughed, clinking their helmeted heads together lightly. “Are you kidding me? That sounds like a kickass anniversary gift! Lance will never win another sparing match again,” He beamed, eyes shining in enthusiasm and delight. He gave her hand one more squeeze before looking back down at the ravine. “So, from what I’ve seen, we have about ten minutes before they’ll start sending the workers into the camp. You should get Green and go into cloak mode; you could plug up the cave hole and deal some damage to the ship to prevent an escape. I’ll jump down and keep them from getting back to the ship until you can take it out.”

“They have a decent amount of troops, though; should we call for some reinforcements?” She asked while taking a shuddering breath to collect herself.

“I already got that covered; once you get in Green, Red’s gonna send a distress signal to Black, Blue and Yellow. If my timing is right, then they should show up in time to help finishing taking out the Galra and start the job of taking care of the workers,”

“Shiro’s gonna be so pissed at us,” She said, shifting to slide farther back down toward the Lions.

Keith flashed her a smirk. “He’ll get over it once he sees it’s for a worthy cause,”

She felt her heart beat pick up and she nodded, blinking back a fresh wave of tears. “God, I love you so much,” She whispered breathlessly before darting back to Green.

#Voltron legendary defender #Keidge #Kidge #Peith #Pidge Gunderson #Keith Kogane #my fics

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