#I also hate the editing of this movie because they cut all the shots after two fucking seconds and I DON'T SEE ANYTHING!

[kennethbrangh]

Ian McShane in Bolden (2019)

[nightfury-2001]

also.......okay like. i really really do think this may be because of this shot not being completely finished (this post from hiccup's actor kiiiiind of supports that idea).........but do you see anything missing in the background here. like something very important. something that shows if this shot is finished/almost finished, that they cut one of the best moments from the film. one of the moments that is so incredibly important for this scene. a moment that really makes this scene work. a moment that gives a certain character so much life and personality.

there's no lines in the sand from toothless drawing.

again i do think this might just be from not every part of the trailer being 100% completed final shots - the film is over 6 months from releasing, after all - but apparently this movie isn't going to be a literal shot for shot remake and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little convinced that they either a. kept that hiccup draws toothless but removed toothless mimicking him and replaced him drawing with something much less meaningful or b. toothless still draws, however it's just him scribbling in a single tiny spot or something like that and is a much "smaller" and shorter moment and it's made to be much less important

also wouldn't be surprised if they removed/changed it simply because of his design, like can you picture live action toothless walking on his hind legs and leaping and twirling around while drawing like animated toothless? i can't. (imo his new design is also partly why they removed him sitting back like a human, which really doesn't bode well for other moments similar to it like this one.)

(also also just remembered that horrible "it's okay. i won't hurt you." line from the teaser. while i was thinking that it was just edited in from another scene (or put in just for the teaser and won't appear anywhere in the actual film).....now i'm wondering if it isn't. like if they removed toothless drawing or heavily changed how/what he draws, how does hiccup end up right in front of him? in the remake does he deliberately approach and say that stupid fucking line????????? hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it)

[violetganache42]

Highlights from tonight's watch party filled with framing, whodunnits, and mystery galore (Sorry about your laptop problems and all our lag complaints, WriteBackAtYa):

"No":

Scrooge and the triplets making an appearance

Mortimer's voice

Mickey being a people pleaser

WriteBackAtYa commenting how we love saying our favorite characters' names whenever they appear onscreen

Me: "PLUS INTEREST?!"

"Duckman of Aquatraz":

Story Blossom: "Would've been awesome if Webby kissed a shark in the new series" spamtoon: "its okay because huey kissed a worm"

ACAB!!!

Even in the original series, Louie is always trying to talk his way out of shit

The idea of Glomgold walking into court blasting Queen's "We Are The Champions" in a similar vein as the "All I Do Is Win" scene

"WHY, BEAKLEY?!"

Duckburg's court and its judge fucking suck

"NOT THE PAINTING!"

Scrooge effortlessly defeating the prisoners in arm wrestling

MORE SCROOGE AND WEBBY MOMENTS 😭💖

Mad Dog being a mama's boy

This whole episode showcasing how prisoners are people too

melcat33: "Mad Dog was like 'this is my comfort millionaire'"

The Scrooge x Mad Dog ship setting sail

This episode also reminding us on why the legal system sucks

Glomgold taking the time to hang up a painting of Scrooge

"McMystery at McDuck McManor!":

Donald fleeing to his car like:

"Literally the oldest person he knows?"

The entire table read of this episode from Disney Channel Fan Fest 2018

Scrooge being a sulking Grumpy Gills. XD

DJ Daft Duck

Godfrey and I being on the same wavelength yet again (To quote Godfrey, "Insert 'Perception Check' by Tom Cardy")

Scrooge being SO against celebrating his birthday that he straight up lagged and froze the Discord stream (Dude, WTF?)

THE BUTLER DID IT

Mist Opportunity

"I hate this already."/"OH, YEAH. :)"/"You can't get that helmet off, can you?"/"OH, NO. :'("

Black Arts Beagle is best Beagle Boy

DT-87

The stream lagging on the part where Scrooge walks into a sliding glass door 😭 (I know it's because of WriteBackAtYa's laptop, but for the sake of levity, let's say it was Scrooge's doing again and he did it because that part fucking embarrasses him.)

Mark saying Glomgold sucks at the whole "trying to kill Scrooge" thing (Rare Mark Beaks W)

THE DUKE IS BACK

"Since when did I have to become the adult in the room? I'M NOT CUT OUT TO BE THE ADULT!"

Huey doing a Scrooge impression

"Don't kill me! I barely lived! #YOLO #FOMO #AHHH"

Duckworth's reaction to seeing the axe fall down to the floor

Duckworth and Beakley's beef with each other

"Clock Cleaners":

Snoozer male stork

Learning A New Hope was paired with "Duck Dodgers in the 24th 1/2 Century" for its screenings

Realizing we were watching the edited version of the short where Donald says "Aw, nuts."

The return of Max's real mother

The Great Mouse Detective:

Me sharing which DT/DWD character would be who in a GMD-themed AU way before the movie started

Us getting excited at hearing Alan Young's voice

Cheerful music playing right after a sad moment (Hiram getting kidnapped) = Last Crash ending vibes

A new server emoji of Mark Beaks getting shot point blank for dabbing

Tokuvivor: "The world's smallest violin" Caroline: "Let me play you a song on the world's smallest violin" Me: "Basil, this is serious."

Learning Vincent Price is in this movie

Sharing a GMD Lorcana card during "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind"

"Flaversham."/"Whatever."

teleportzz: "literally every man in this is so gay so far" puffywuffy8904: "or are they just european" Story Blossom: "Or are they gay AND european?"

Basil's face when Toby sat on Olivia's command

OLIVIA SAYING UNCLE BASIL 😭💖

Hiram and Olivia reminding Puffy and I of Scrooge and Webby (I AM GETTING FUCKING EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT AS WE SPEAK.)

Ratigan upon learning Fidget's list is missing:

Basil x Dawson being the movie's equivalent of DWD91!Drakepad

Story Blossom pointing out how Miss Kitty is basically Goldie

The bar fight scene in a nutshell:

"There is no Queen of England."

Ratigan's royalty drip

WriteBackAtYa: "He's supreme like a taco from Taco Bell"

Basil trying to imprison Ratigan: "Officer, arrest that man!"

The entire Big Ben scene and how well the 2D and CGI animations blended together

Learning that the ballroom scene from Beauty and the Beast was the first Disney and Pixar collaboration

According to melcat33, Basil not skipping leg day saved his life

puffywuffy8904: "and they were roomates" Me: "Oh, my God. They were roommates."

Ratigan's "Goodbye So Soon" diddy playing during the end credits

[jupitermelichios]

I'm feeling the need to be a hater but in a harmless and ultimately meaningless way, so join me around this barrell and lets shoot some motherfucking fish

Disclaimer: I am not telling you you can't enjoy these movies, or judging your taste if you loved them. This is literally just me being a hater about movies that happen to bug me personally for various reasons.

*of these random 10 11 movies I personally really hated

** obligatory disclaimer that I did not pay to watch this movie, JKR did not make a single penny out of my morbid fascination with cinematic trainwrecks

(despite what this list suggests, I watch a lot of movies that aren't cgi-heavy blockbusters, but having a specific interest in movie adaptations of comic books means I watch a lot of really terrible cgi-heavy blockbusters)

Anti-propoganda below the cut

Spawn: this movie hurts to look it. One of the single most visually unpleasant experiences of my life, and I'm including recovering from major surgery in that.

Batman v Superman: the entire plot hinges on people believing Superman shot a man to death with a gun. A less significant but unavoidable plot point involves Lex Luthor giving someone a jar of his own piss as a death threat. Compared to that, the Martha thing barely registers as stupid.

Cats: is it as bad as the viral reviews claimed? Sadly no. Did I almost strain a muscle trying not to laugh too loudly at how terrible it was when I saw it in the cinema? Absolutely.

Fantastic Beasts: none of the FB movies could reasonably be described as good, but the third one really lends credence to the JKR black mould poisoning theory.

The King's Man: they very clearly ran out of filming time/locations due to covid, and then for some reason instead of shelving what cannot have been a particularly expensive production, they decided to edit together what little footage they had and release it as one of the most fascinatingly incoherent movies of the last decade.

Last Airbender: the very rare movie that actually is as bad as the negative hype, this may have the worst use of cgi superpowers in all of cinema.

Fant4stic: if you don't have depression, but want to know what it feels like, watch this movie. That utter emptiness you're now feeling? That's what depression feel like. You don't feel bad, necessarily. You just feel nothing.

Transformers: none of the bayformers movies are good, but Last Knight is the only one which just straight up doesn't make sense. It's like someone took the strawman 'terrible soulless entirely CGI blockbuster' movie people use in tumblr arguments about hollywood, and decided to actually make it.

Black Adam: I feel bad about how terrible this film is, because it was a genuine passion project, and it has a great cast, but it also has the worst colour-grading and some of the worst editting I've ever seen. If a group of untallented first year film students got trapped in purgatory with dwayne johnson, pierce brosnan, and manual editting equipment from the 1930s, and had to make a superhero film in order to escape, this is the film they'd make.

TMNT: this film just makes me irrationally angry. It feels like a bad youtube skit about 'what if michael bay made an animated kids movie' but it's real and it cost $150 million

Flash: this was going to be a 10 option poll, but then I remembered this movie includes CGI christopher reeve, against the express wishes of christopher reeve, and WB went ahead and released it after Ezra Miller was arrested for kidnapping, and then it had the gall to also be a terrible film in almost every way.

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

I greatly admire Walt Disney and everything he created, I consider him an inspiration to me. I don't like how people like to villainize him, saying things like that he was a Nazi sympathizer or that he was racist. I know he wasn't perfect, but the truth is that no one is, that's what makes us human. I have enormous respect for him, for Roy, Ub and other classic Disney employees. The people I have no respect for are people like Katzenberg, Eisner, Chapek and Iger. They may have done a lot of good things for the company, but they also did a lot of bad things.

Sorry this got a bit long , however Honestly the modern CEOs to me have done nothing but damage I have nothing good to say Iger is the only one I can say there is a little bit that he has done to help contribute

Eisner was only thinking about the mermaid movies

Katzenberg damn near took down black cauldron if you don't know what I'm talking about he literally hated a scene so much he tried telling these animators to edit out certain parts even though this was the 1980s and that was damn near impossible he kept on trying to pressure them into doing it Eisner basically had to pull his leash so he would leave the movie alone however they did make sure that one scene was cut down

Katzenberg is also the reason 2D animation is out of the company but I will give him the factor that he created DreamWorks out of sheer spite with Spielberg and Geffen and that still gets me cackling to this day

Eisner though is the reason Splash Mountain was named that did you know originally Splash Mountain was called the Zip a Dee ride but he renamed it to Splash Mountain after the Splash H20 movie

And let's not mention the train wreck that was the '90s Eisner was literally trying that one Steve Buscemi meme of hello fellow kids there was actual gang fights because of the Clubs for teens he made that became known to the local gangs and became hang out spots. No I'm not joking go look it up and in the parking lot of Disneyland a kid was shot and killed over these gang rivalries

I'm not even going to mention Chapek because he made Eisner look like a saint in just 2 years canceled Owl House went on a anti-lgbtq rant was quantity over quality many projects were canceled because they did not align with his values

When the board members literally hunt Iger back down because they want to boot this guy out you know he's very fucked

And then Iger started out promising he would even go to the parks and make sure everything was okay. Nobody in the CEO position had really done that just randomly like him since Walt, this is why the 2010s are seen as some of the best years because he was initially pretty damn good

But then he started slipping I don't know if it's just a fumble because he's trying to repair everything with Chapek, but he is made some condemming decisions, especially with the whole Palestine and Anti LGBTQA situation right now.

When it comes to Walt Roy and Ub, I will be the first to tell you Walt was not perfect however he definitely was not a Nazi sympathizer he in fact had Donald hit Hitler in the face with a tomato at one point in time,

And as for people saying he was anti-semite that was based on an old rumor because of the whole no beards thing of the parks

like legitimately it was rumored at one point he was a part of the Communist Party like these are very old rumors that were proven untrue.

He didn't like beards because according to people around him he was afraid women would find them intimidating you got to remember the societal side it was a completely different era not an excuse however you have to factor it in whether you like it or not.

Walt Roy and Ub were three guys just trying to make it like everyone else, that's not even bringing up what would happen with Oswald damn near brought the company to it's knees because Oswald was supposed to be the mascot supposed to be the one they made their shorts off of and just when they think they have it it's all taken away by Mintz

Left damn near penniless and with only a few sketches of what would become Mickey Mouse did they escape Universal and with hard work but also on a wish and a prayer did they manage to bring it back from the brink.

If you see the villain in up btw Charles Muntz yeah that's why they made Charles Muntz I still laugh when I watch that film because the pettiness is beautiful. Thank you to the animators at Pixar and Disney for spitting in his face over half a century later turning him into a literal Disney villain

That is still the greatest comeback I've ever seen.

[cantstoptheimagines]

just finished watching journey to bethlehem so i could see milo manheim and uhhh... here are my “train of thoughts” notes, meaning there is literally no organization here

@multifandomsimagine must hate me rn because i basically gave her a play by play of the entire movie bc it's just so campy. it's literally just a bible dcom to be quite honest. (also i am officially campaigning for milo manheim to play flynn rider and it’s all based on his role as joseph alone) 💀

They think I wouldn’t notice the inclusion of a Pair of Kings actor, but I did

Not even two minutes in, I can already tell this movie is going to be fucking hilarious

The narration sucks, it’s so bland

Why is the “Journey to Bethlehem” song suddenly a pop ballad?

The costuming is okay, but the language is so modern. This feels like a play written by TikTok

The first song is a bop

The facial expressions so far are very bland

I feel like it’s trying to provide some feminism anecdotes, which I find very interesting. Not what I expected at all to be honest

Feels like a play you’d do in high school for extra drama club credits

Joseph is literally just Wally Clark if he were in a Bible study club

I genuinely can’t tell if this is meant to be satirical or not

I’m living for Puss in Boots as an evil king, iconic

Good to Be King is the ultimate showtime villain song. I will die on this hill

Love the choreography in this villain song. Love men who can dance in sync while stomping their armored boots

THE SNAPPER LIGHTS, I’M CRYING

Love Mary’s betrothal outfit

This dialogue is so fucking funny and for what reason?!

Office camera glance

I really like the shot of them behind the water wheel thing, it’s gorgeous

His hand is so much bigger than hers, oh my god

Gabriel. Iconic. Hilarious.

Far more Mary centered than I expected. It’s definitely her movie

Camera work during Mother to a Savior is beautiful

Love the map graphics

That cut from Mary/Elizabeth to Joseph. The editing in this movie is so smooth

Good Joseph, Bad Joseph. Why is he dressed like evil Legolas? Their outfits are giving Anakin and Padme

The Ultimate Deception is definitely one of the best songs. Joseph fighting against himself in his own subconscious, singing a duet with himself! Are you kidding me?!

Officially considering Joseph fanfiction

The Magi are everything musical theatre needs right now

The donkey as a running joke lol

We Become We is a love song for the ages, try to prove me wrong, I dare you

Dancing with the fireflies?!!!!!! When will it be my turn

The way she turned her head away, this is so funny oh my god

A prince with daddy issues?! Guess I found my husband for this movie. He has a great song, definitely one of the best but it’s probably the least promoted. I’ve never even heard it before even though it’s so good

Why wouldn’t you just lie about where you’re from lol, am I missing something with that part?

Joseph jumping into action after Mary says she wasn’t the only one chosen for this. We love a Milo Manheim character

“we’re meeting the lord, surrounded by sheep shit” lmaooo

Mary and Joseph are just the smart girl, dumb boyfriend trope and I love them for it

Joseph carrying her through the streets. He should’ve been a girl dad

Bro just got knocked out by a donkey lmao

Silent Night scene with a donkey pacing outside the barn where Mary is giving birth is honestly great

A shining light over the world with an angel choir concert glowing and sparkling in the sky, hot damn, who would’ve imagined

“I’m holding all the answers in my arms” is such a good lyric

“Mine is the kingdom, mine is the power, mine is the glory forevermore” changing into “thine” was a pretty clever idea

Joseph kissing Mary’s head!!! STOP WHY AM I SHIPPING BIBLICAL FIGURES

“One who has come to save the lost.” “Am I lost?”

“You are not your father” CALL OUT THOSE DADDY ISSUES, MARY

Damn, ok, Antipater

*finally kisses Joseph* “You’re welcome” WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN

Stay for the end credits just to hear Brand New Life, it’s a great song too. The credits also feature Go Tell It On The Mountain

Would I be weird if I wrote fics for this movie lmao

[vero-niche]

UNSURPRISING AND BORING??? HAZUGSÁG! TELL ME ABOUT IT ACTUALLY!!!

(context: this ask was sent by my dear mutual after i reblogged a post about what my special interest is, which is films and filmmaking that i called those things)

fjhfjvhnfkc im so sorry for not replying to this sooner, it's been haunting me since that day bc first i was like "i will answer from desktop bc this is gonna be a long one" and then... i didnt. anyway, im just gonna start rambling and hit post at some point when i run out of steam, enjoy 💞

edit: whoops better put All That under a read more lmao

note: by movie/film i also mean animation, tv shows, anime, etc

so, it all started when i was little.... we were living mostly in a small village in northern hungary, no access to cinemas or such but my dad started working at a tv station in the capital when i was like... idk. small

anyway, he had access to The Internet and pirated movies and brough home burned VHS tapes.... i loved fiction ever since i remember and movies were no different. saw a lot of disney and other stuff, mum says i rewatched a lot of them a lot of times.... as an undiagnosed adhd+autism kid these movies were my main source of obsession.

as many in my generation, i grew to love reading a bit later after i saw the first h*rry p*tter movie and read the book but even then and ever since as well my imagination works kinda like a movie. i imagine certain shots and angles, even tho for the most part my imagination is as fuzzy as my thoughts.

also on the part of the audhd, i was basically self medicating with movies. stressed? watch a movie. sensory overload? movie (or later on, music). feeling shit? movie. it kind of works like a factory reset of my brain if the film is good. i guess because for 1,5-2,5 hours i am completely focused on one thing in a way thats not exhausting to me.

during elementary, i was in a friend group that i got in because we were in the same not school related drawing group (rajzszakkör yknow) and basically all 4 of us were a bit too neurodivergent there i think 😄 anyway, somehow when i first got a phone with camera, we started doing little "sketches" (and me with my then best friend separately too). then two of those friends came up with a short movie idea, a mockumentary about the iconic "twin towers" of the town we lived in (and hated). the 4 of us filmed and played all parts, right there in the city, and one of us edited it. it turned out quite.... well, like a shitpost lmao. so, naturally, we got quite hooked but esp me and one other friend (who is now an acclaimed theatre director btw. lol)

anyway, so we did several of these short movies + i did several sketches and other stuff with all kinds of friends in the coming years, all through about mid-high school years...

for several reasons, despite it being the obvious choice, i didnt end up going to film major at uni but chose english studies. i don't regret it, but my place wouldve been at the film major tbh....

anyway, i decided to give up my filmmaking dreams... but yknow, special interests dont wotk that way lmao.

i kept watching movies with a critical mind, such as "oh this shot is good" or "this shot is too long, they should've cut it a few seconds earlier" or "oh, they are using xy technique here" and once you start looking at movies from a filmmaker point of view, theres just no turning back (or off). i think i majorly watch anime in my spare time now bc i analyze what i see less than with live action stuff.

so like. idk what my point here is. i listen to soundtracks of movies i loved, not just the ones with lyrics but the background music too. i love rewatching and dissecting parts. after seeing a new one that i loved i headstraight to imdb to the crew and trivia section, i watch/read interviews, check box office numbers even and stare in awe when they show a special technique or smg they used.

and i mainly always thought "well i just have a passion for it but its nothing that outstanding, right? people look these stuff up when then love smg, right?" well. 😶

then not too long ago i realized im not only adhd but autistic as well. and that the reason why this passion (and need to be involved in the making) never really left, even when i myself gave up on it, is bc its my special interest.

so now im slowly approaching crossroads bc on the one hand i have a stable corporate job with good routines at home. but on the other if i dont "give in" to my special interest i feel my soul will wither. but also im sososcared 👍

in summary:

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok first things first your Kaiser comment is really hilarious what the hell was ness thinking with that cut?????

LMAOO you’ve got this!! But honestly reading work that’s written with motivation and care is soooo much better than reading something forced so don’t sweat it too much! I sure everyone understands that writing actually takes quite a bit of effort and time and thinking and that reading your quality work will be so worth it (insert the head nod emoji here because I can’t find it fast enough) nagi vibes are so real though but trust your five shot revolver volley (or something like that name) moment coming soon

Yeahhhh idk the only conflict that really comes to mind is “aw shit I’m gonna be fired”/“im not paid enough for this shit” LMAOOO I guess that’s also the reason why a lot of fics I’ve seen are also set outside of the main events of bllk! Like usually when they’re already pro etc or for some characters who have enough backstory details about their stories before bllk then it’s set pre-bllk!

Hair down zantetsu>>>> I was actually shocked when I saw that scene of him in the movie like zantetsu pls let down your hair and take off your goggles we know you don’t need them….

The way you just so accurately described the entire Ubers dynamic LMAOO I also could not care less about sendou soooooo but it’s giving me the same vibes as the colored scene of them all helping Barou dye his hair I love the Ubers dynamic…I bet it working out gives aiku such an ego boost and he’s probably all like “see I’m right you all just don’t get bitches” completely forgetting that Niko is 15 and these are also soccer losers

Nooo because the few times I have to trek into Reddit territory to find a chapter link or something I see the dudebros collectively hating on him or using the fact that his parents trained him since he was young to try and minimize/discredit his “feats” (as they say in dudebro land)

White butterfly is just tear inducing LMAO that scene has me in my feels like bro…..the first thing he does after he goes pro and makes money is builds his childhood friend/love’s dream house SHSGSHS goodbye.

PLS you’re always on the grind omg that’s actually crazy LOL but no I think the whole fandom needs to be wiped and then shown seabird so they can ingrain this version of saw into their brains…maybe that’s the strat…right as s2 comes out we blast fwtkac bfb and lowk just your masterlist so people go “OHHHH that’s how they are” and the fanon version establishes itself as a much more accurate (imo) version that it otherwise would’ve…

AIKU WINGMEN SERIES GUYS WE WON based on what we’ve talked about this already sounds like sm fun to read I will most definitely be at the launch party…also SAE that’s crazy I lowk forgot they were on the same team for u20 for a sec but now that I realize it that makes sense LMAO

LMAOOO you’d have your own fwtkac moment where you get shown on the jumbotron and then have edits made of you and I’ll be scrolling through tiktok like guys that’s Mira…I know her lore..!!!

NOO YOU DESERVE IT honestly your writing output is some of the best I’ve seen in a while so idk what you’re talking about LOL Curious to see what even you decide on though!! I’ve seen some cute ones with like themed codes and whatnot from other writers before too so I bet your take will be fire!

- Karasu anon

no because ACTUALLY like bro was clearly not destined to be a barber 😭 honestly kaiser’s hair pre-cut when it was all shaggy and gold was rlly gorgeous i would like him more if he kept it like that or if he just tied it back or smth ☝🏻 but instead we got…wtvr the fuck he has going on 😰

HEHE no because i even have in my rules that i’ll probably take a while to respond and might ignore requests so people know what they’re getting into to but that doesn’t stop me from feeling bad yk?? sadly i am a chronic people pleaser 😓 but anyways YESS super goal coming up soon 🤭 jkjk i think the next ones are going to be short and simple because of the nature of the request so don’t expect any long ones for a bit!! but then again yk me so we’ll see (although tbf most of my requests have stayed generally within projected wc ranges the only ones to escape containment were seabird and the third part of fwtkac)

literally like it would def be a lot more comedic than anything but i save my comedy for the one shots longfics are angst ONLY /j also wait idk if you saw the most recent jjk leaks but i think i canonically killed off more characters in pomegranate ink than gege did in jjk which is CRAZYYY like i thought i was being fairly lenient 😭

hair down zantetsu is literally every shoujo male lead i need a fic where reo gives him a makeover or smth so he can truly shine LMAOAO i just know reo would have sm fun w that too

aiku’s like “all in a day’s work 🙂‍↕️😌” once barou gets a gf and then he thinks being a wingman is so fun that he tries to set up his other teammates w girls but lorenzo scares all of them away, aryu is uhh aryu and sendou is doing fine on his own so his only option is niko but niko is so introverted that he HATES “big bro aiku” helping out LMAOAOA like aiku becomes one of these rlly pushy uncles who goes up to every girl and is like “look at my nephew isn’t he so handsome” meanwhile niko is DYING of embarrassment…eventually mommy barou has to step in and tell aiku to leave niko alone 😭

on the one hand i get it because hiori is sometimes very overhyped in the sense that compared to charles and sae (and honestly even reo) he’s not the BEST midfielder oat in bllk but charles is considered a prodigy by even loki, sae is a ng11, and reo is canonically perfect so that’s not even saying much + he’s only really been active/awakened since the ubers game so with time he’ll probably improve!! he’s another one of those characters where there’s very few people who see the medium and don’t glaze him but don’t hate him either ykwim

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYINGGG IT’S DISGUSTING like wdym you finally became rich and famous and instead of reaping the benefits you move back to a random town in the middle of nowhere and build a house for a girl who doesn’t even live there anymore just because you loved her so much?? in a way i think that even if reader had moved on or never came back just having that house was how hiori affirmed to the world that he loved her if that makes sense…like it was as much a confession to her as it was him making it clear to everyone that he wouldn’t ever be taken from her again if she still wanted him 😭 bitches when reader wanted to be a bird so she could fly everywhere but instead of being a bird with her and staying by her side like he wanted to hiori realized she needed a field (a home) to come back to so he just settled down and waited for her until she did because he loved her enough not to find her when he didn’t know if she wanted to be found 😭😓😫 i’m bitches fr

LMAAOAOO the grind is too real but omg i will be so happy if bfb freaky friday fwtkac loserboys karasu and otoya become fanon even though they’re already being written mostly as fboys in other works 😩 like okay ykw i even get otoya but wdym karasu is a player 😕 my man would NEVER have a one night stand he’s way too sensitive and gentle for that

AIKU WINGMAN SERIES INDEED OMG i’m so hype the for the barou and otoya versions especially because i already have ideas for them…i think the sae one is just going to be aiku being like “bro you’re in love with her” and sae’s like “no 😒” and it just goes on and on until sae is like “oh shit i AM in love with her” LMAOAO still pondering what i’ll do for karasu yukimiya and nagi but trust it will happen and it’ll be funny

LMAOOO MIRA EDITS i’ll be in my fwtkac era but without the crow 🙁 no soccer player irl could compare to karasu 💔 it’ll just be five ways to kill a soccer player which is nowhere near as fun and exciting…oh well we sacrifice what we must

AHAHA THANK YOU SMMM i meant more that i only post fics 5% of the time the rest is me dropping random thoughts answering asks chatting w people and reblogging fanart so people who follow me off of my fics are probably like WTF KSJSKKS okay wait hear me out a bird theme could lowkey go crazy…considering i am a #birdstan…anyways we’ll see there’s still a bit until I reach that point!! although ngl it might be faster if i actually post requests 😭

[trueshredguitar]

things about the hunger games movie i appreciate more as i age, as the film ages, and having read the ballad of songbirds and snakes:

in 2012 hollywood was in a bleak era for action movies where most movies that came out of it looked the same. we were in grey/teal/orange no-white-balance shakycam jump-cut hell for a long time — thg was not an exception to this. and i side-eyed it for not doing much of anything different. HOWEVER, coming back to it i think this is a rare example of the style actually working with the source material and the stylistic choices being justified rather than pushed onto a script because it was the look of the era. do i think it's perfect? no bc god there are so many scenes in this movie that look genuinely terrible thanks to Ultra-Cyan Color Grading™️! do i think i was harsh on it being too grey and shakycammy. yes.

james newton howard has a very light touch on the scoring and i think the man's very talented. i'm unsure how much of the movie being largely unscored is his choice and how much is gary ross's choice but kudos to both of them. and the sound department (for giving us the classic EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE) for letting digetic sound really shine through and make the movie that much more impactful

josh hutcherson looks like a BABY.

everyone except jennifer lawrence is perfectly cast. not a stinker among them except jennifer lawrence.

that being said the scene where katniss watches peeta confess his crush to caesar flickerman backstage and having a pall of rage form on her face was acted very well and it made me laugh lol

snow originally didn't appear for much time at all in THG, but got little additions in the movie adaptation, so seeing the little rose garden scenes between him and Seneca Crane had me like OUGH THAT'S MY UNHINGED LITTLE GUY. MY UNWELL BOY. and it does beg the question: how much did donald sutherland's performance here and in the other films end up informing what Snow's character would be for TBOSAS?

there is a lot a lot a lot from the trilogy that feels genuinely richer now that i've read TBOSAS. and the worry i had about it being an unnecessary addition; i am so glad it ended up unfounded.

the barnes & noble exclusive edition of TBOSAS has a q&a with suzanne collins at the end of it where she elaborates more on the epigraphs she includes at the beginning of the novel and i HIGHLY recommend people find the edition and read that q&a because not only does it very clearly state her intentions and inspirations for the novel and for Snow's character work but it also gives more context in the form of the classical philosophical literature collins used to write all four of the novels. and it makes going back to any of them that much more interesting because it gives me more to chew on.

watching the matter-of-factness that everyone reacts to all the facets of the hunger games and Capitol control has a lot more impact on and reality to me now after having seen the inception of a lot of those facets in tbosas

"have you ever been to the districts? ten, eleven, twelve?" "no" "i have." Oh I Bet You Have You Motherfucker

the final shot of THG being of Snow.

i live for a good dose of recontextualization in my media so being able to rewatch everything with basically completely fresh eyes has me salivating

taylor swift jumpscare in the credits but i kind of get it now. at least i get putting 2012 tswift onto the soundtrack.

things i HATE about the THG movie as i age:

CENTURY GOTHIC? YOU USED A FUCKING WINDOWS DEFAULT FONT FOR YOUR CREDITS AND OPENING TEXT? CENTURY GOTHIC?

[adamwatchesmovies]

Shaolin Dolemite (1999)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

If Shaolin Dolemite had any decency, it would’ve jumped into a volcano and incinerated itself before the editing was done. You can’t make a movie that’s “so bad it’s good” on purpose and if you’re going to try, don’t make it last nearly two hours. For fans of martial arts films, it has nothing to offer. The plot is incomprehensible. It has no stakes, no characters, and a structure so wobbly the slightest breeze would topple it. Even for the most generous admirers of Rudy Ray Moore, this is painful.

When Tupac (Eugene Thomas), steals the Wu-Tang clan’s Dolby Digital death bell and joins forces with a group of evil ninjas, his mentor, Dolemite (Rudy Ray Moore) disowns him. As the villains attack a Shaolin temple, a new student of its master, Japanese Prince Sanada (Alexander Lou), two members of the Shabazz clan (Toby Russell and John Ladalski), Davey Crockett (Silvio Azolini) and a Shaolin princess (played by Mandy Pang - I think; more on that in a moment) team up to stop them.

Someone could put a gun to my head and I still wouldn’t be able to tell you the name of any of this film's characters except for the “joke” ones. Firstly, because it’s a struggle to stay awake during this film. It’s little more than a lame redub of the 1986 Taiwanese kung fu film Ren zhe da (known in English as Ninja: The Final Duel) with about 15 minutes of new footage spliced in (this is where you get your Rudy Ray Moore). All of the characters receive ridiculous names, lame racial jokes are inserted throughout and when writers Robert Tai (who also “directs”), George Tan, Jimmy Lynch, and Rudy Ray Moore couldn’t think of anything, they just inserted a bunch of obscenities to pad out the dialogue. It’s impossible to remember who’s who thanks to the utter lack of characterization.

There's more. After Tupac steals the bell, the movie is non-stop fighting. That might sound good, but here’s the thing: you never know who is on who’s side, what the stakes are, who’s winning or losing, or what anyone is fighting for or about. It’s just people in silly costumes jumping around, mock-punching and kicking. The stunts might be better than you’re used to if you’ve been following Moore’s filmography, but not by much. Your eyes quickly glaze over the mind-numbing display of athletics from people at a dojo who had nothing better to do with their weekend than shoot this movie. Then, we get to the second reason you won’t be able to remember anyone’s name: the ending. It’s so abrupt you’ll wonder if you dozed off and then halfway through, the names stop scrolling and the movie cuts to black. Who played who? Doesn't matter.

I can’t say for sure, but I’m about 99% certain Ninja: The Final Duel is awful. The special effects are never convincing. The picture quality, cinematography and performances are trash. You can tell the performers are no good even though you can’t hear their dialogue and what they were originally saying has been covered up by Shaolin Dolemite. Essentially, this is like watching a bad movie on mute while a bunch of unfunny people subject you to their comedy act. While a broken clock is right twice a day, you could be having just as much fun tracking down the original Ninja: The Final Duel and doing the same thing because it would be 15 minutes shorter.

Anyone who speaks enthusiastically about this rusty bowl of dog butter covered in bad ebonics will talk about the topless female ninja. BiG dEaL. The shots of uncovered nipples last about 15 seconds. It’s hardly anything to get excited about and in a movie featuring Rudy Ray Moore? that’s an insult. Wait. That's the perfect word to describe this movie! I hated Shaolin Dolemite. (July 30, 2021)

[dragon-of-the-night]

OK, so only six of them are continued from TOS with the original actors playing the original characters, three are "new" (the first one came out in 2009, which I count as new, but I guess they're getting on in years now) films about the TOS characters, but played by different actors and four of them are about the TNG characters (I won't talk about them, because I haven't watched any of them yet). So, the original TOS movies...

Star Trek: The Motion Picture - This is a bit of an odd one - some people like it, some people don't. I wasn't really sure what to make of it when I watched it. The plot is a bit odd, way too many minutes of the film are dedicated to long shots of the Enterprise, which can get a bit boring after a while, and the outfits are weird, to say the least. But overall, I think it's a good film that's underappreciated (and the director's cut is supposed to be better, however, unfortunately I don't own that version and haven't watched it :(). If you want to skip any of the Trek movies, I'd say this is your one to skip, it doesn't really add to the characters or later plots that much (but as a hardcore Trek fan, I think it's worth watching all of them, if anything just to make up your own opinion on the lot :D).

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan - What most people consider to be the absolute best out of all of them. It's not my favourite, personally, but I understand why it's considered one of the best. For one thing, it brings back an old TOS antagonist and not only that, the actor who originally played him! There's lots of drama in this film and an ending that will leave you shocked, speechless and heartbroken. Definitely worth a watch. If you watch this one, however, it's crucial to watch the next two films, as they make up a sort of trilogy inside the six movies.

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock - My personal favourite of the lot. The emotions in this film are intense and so real you feel them along with the characters (which is perfect for me, as someone who loves angst). The plot isn't nearly as ludicrous as you might think after watching the ending of TWOK - it does actually make some sense. This is also the film that makes me really love Kirk as a character, as I usually prefer the other characters to him. But in this film, Shatner plays him perfectly. Also, Doctor McCoy gets a decent part in this film, which is always a bonus for me, as he's my favourite character ;)

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - Goodness, where to start with this one? TVH is the comic relief movie after the intense drama and emotions of TWOK and TSFS. Not only is it hilarious and enjoyable to watch, but it also works climate change and anti-whaling messages into the plot. Basically, the plot is about saving a couple of humpback whales. A perfect movie with zero flaws!

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - The one everyone hates! The worst Star Trek movie of all time! Ironically, and perhaps unsurprisingly, I love this movie. Sure, it's bad - the plot is awful and there are some terrible writing choices, but it's such a fun movie to watch, I genuinely don't understand the hate it gets! The first time I watched it, I kept waiting for it to get worse, but it just didn't. Perhaps it's because I had already seen the worst bits in edits and a few movies clips, but I just couldn't hate the film. It might also be because I'm a hardcore McSpirk shipper that I love this film - all three main characters get pretty much equal screentime, which makes a very welcome change. We get to see triumvirate go camping, roast marshmallows and sing Row, Row Your Boat together! Kirk nearly dies from falling off a vertical rockface he was climbing for literally no reason! Spock has rocket boots that are never seen again in future films! Scotty and Uhura hook up, which is also never mentioned again! I didn't even hate the character of Sybok as much as I thought I would (although I really wish they hadn't given him that character twist near the beginning - whoever had that idea should have gotten fired). You don't really need to watch this film in terms of plot continuation, but it's a really important piece of Trek history, so in my opinion, it's a must-watch.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country - This is a film I never really see anyone talk about. I hope you like Klingons, because this one's got lots of them! I kind of have mixed feelings on this film - it's definitely not my favourite, but I in no way think it's a bad film - the tone is pretty melancholy throughout, as they knew it was to be the last TOS film. My favourite part of this film was having Kirk and McCoy stranded together. McCoy was always an underused character even though he was one of the main three and it was nice (as much as I love Spock) not to have the generic Kirk and Spock pairing in all the dangerous situations. You don't really need to watch this one either, but as the very last film with the entire cast of original characters left, I wouldn't skip it, personally.

Star Trek AOS, AKA New Star Trek TOS, AKA JJ Abram's Star Trek - The new-ish movies. I have mixed feelings on these to be honest. There's only three of them currently. I enjoyed them when I watched them, but I have a lot of problems with them collectively. For starters, I didn't find the characters nearly as compelling as the TOS versions. Even in the third film, I didn't really feel like the character relationships had developed properly. They bring back Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness (the second film), but while I like Benedict Cumberbatch overall as an actor, he definitely was not the right person to play Khan. They totally whitewashed a Mexican character. If you skip any Star Trek movies, these are the ones to ignore. They don't really bring anything to the Trek timelines (apart from Leonard Nimoy appearing in two of the films, that was pretty epic).

I hope that my accidental-Star-Trek-essay helped! I personally wouldn't skip any of the films, but if six feels a bit daunting, just prioritise watching TWOK, TSFS and TVH - they're the best and I think the most universally-enjoyed. I hope you have a fun time watching them!

I've finished star trek TOS!!! It was fun, but I think the movies will be better, at least I did until I found out there were like 13 of them! Which ones are good/ important to understand the characters and which ones can I pass? Or are all of them good??

[theharpermovieblog]

#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2023

I watched M3GAN (2022)

It's like the new Chucky reboot, but with a girl instead of a boy and more personality.

After losing both her parents, a young girl moves in with her toy making aunt and is gifted a dangerous robot friend.

I'll start by saying, almost every movie critic liked this movie, and I'm pretty sure that's because they walked into it expecting to absolutely hate it, but ended up pleasantly surprised. This movie isn't the amazing piece of perfection it's 93% Rotten Tomatoes score would have you believe it is. There are plot holes and logic problems and it's extremely predictable top to bottom.

That all being said, this is a fun little surprise of a Horror/Comedy.

Director Gerard Johnstone is pretty good at making a fun creepy little ride. He directed Housebound which is also pretty damn good and pretty fun.

Here, Johnstone has made something very accessible and watchable. It's a simple straightforward script, which pulls us in with a lighthearted tone rather than with real horror. I watched the Theatrical version by the way. There is an Unrated version with more violence, but I figured I should watch the version people paid for in the theaters. I'm assuming you'll wanna watch the unrated cut instead, because the theatrical release is lacking in fun gore. This movie should have been released as an R horror/comedy.

Despite it's lighthearted and comedic approach, the titular doll is a tad bit creepy. Especially when she moves all weird and jerky. M3GAN is a fun villain and since the movie doesn't take itself too seriously, M3GAN doesn't wear the audience out. She's interesting and has a personality, which I'm glad will return for the sequel.

The cast here is good, the movie looks fine and it's paced perfectly. I can't tell you how happy I am that this didn't try and overstay it's welcome or leave me bored and waiting to hop to the next scene or act.

Johnstone is fine at directing the action scenes, but they aren't really anything great. Choppy editing and quick shots do most of the work. It's all flash, which once again, is fine if not extremely engaging.

Like I said, there are plot holes concerning how the prototype of M3GAN is handled. The relationship between the Aunt and the Niece is played for emotion, but the characters never really connect, it's a very shoehorned plot device. They're problems are all solved by one small conversation, which does little for the audience. The kills, even without the gore, are fun and creative enough to keep us happy.

This is an extremely predictable movie. Every jump scare, every beat, every moment is one you'll see coming. The first act is just obvious setups that'll be paid off later in the film. There's nothing new or amazing here. But, the movie does it's job of being fun and entertaining. Honestly that comes down to M3GAN being a good villain and the world in which she inhabits being comically tinted.

The 93% is definitely way too high. This movie isn't a masterpiece by any means. But, it's not garbage like Annabelle or The Nun.

I liked it.

[edsloveydove]

I Have Always Seen You

pairing: eddie munson x chubby female reader

summary: of course the boy i've known since 3rd grade, the one i've loved since 7th grade, would be the one to break my heart. i never thought he would be the one to fix it too...

warnings: bullying, fatphobia, use of the word pig towards reader once, falling off a bike, blood and cut knee from falling off said bike, self-doubt and sort of self-hate i guess, cursing, mentality that reader wouldn't be 'missed' (idk if thats a warning but just in case), no use of y/n, underage drinking, reader has an older brother for sake of the story (i gave him a really basic/common name), thoughts and flashbacks are in italics!! nickanames/pet names (shortcake, princess, honey, sweetheart), reader is at least a bit shorter than eddie, very poorly edited, talks of the demobats and upside down, again like very badly edited, lemme know if i missed anything, i'm sure i have!

word count: 9k+

notes: my first fic guys and it turned into this 9,000 word monster! wild! anyway, this might be trash i honestly don't know, i have no perception of it, pls let me know what you think!! also, this story is told in first person point of view so it uses 'i, me, myself' and all that, idk how i feel about it though tbh. uuuuh, enjoy!!

DON'T REPOST MY WRITING OR SHARE IT TO OTHER PLATFORMS (including mentioning it in tiktok comment sections and stuff like that pls) THIS IS MY WRITING, DON'T STEAL IT PLEASE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sweltering midwestern heat was hitting Hawkins, Indiana early this year. School had only been out for a few weeks and it was already hot enough to have the city pool passing the max capacity damn near every day. 

Luckily for me, I had been able to successfully avoid going every time my friends have asked me to join them. Until now. 

“C’mon, it’s gonna be so much fun! Steve’s parents are gone again, like usual, so it’ll just be us and a few other friends!” Robin tries to convince me through the phone.  

“Robin, I never believe ‘just us and a few friends’, because it is ne-”

“It’s never just a few friends, I know. But this time it really will be just a few people. Like, actually just a few people. After everything that happened during spring break and all that, Steve really just wants the main guys there. There’s not gonna be any crazy partying, we’re gonna swim and relax, that’s it.”

“I don’t know, I might be busy tomorrow,” I attempt an excuse. 

“Then we’ll move it to when you’re free. We really want you there, you haven’t gone to any of our movie nights or other hangouts yet,” Robin points out while saying my name softly. “Is it something else? Is there someone you don’t want there?” 

Robin isn’t entirely wrong, there is something else that’s keeping me from joining my friends. And technically it does have to do with someone, but not in the way she thinks. And that someone happens to be none other than the Eddie Munson. 

I’ve known Eddie for many years. My older brother was one of his best friends while growing up having met in elementary school. James was in the grade above Eddie, and the one to introduce him to D&D, eventually passing on the title of Hellfire Club President to him as well. I was always in the background, hoping my brother would let me learn how to play just so I could impress him and his friends. 

While they were occupying the basement, getting pizza and bottles of Coke every other Saturday for their stupid role-playing game, I was in my room reading trashy romance novels and out riding my bike to the library in hopes to seem cool when I came back late at night. 

By the time I got to high school, it was James’ second to last year before he went off to college in Chicago on his big-shot football scholarship he managed to snag before he was even a senior. And yes, James was a Hellfire nerd and a star-athlete, so no one messed with their little club while he was there. Eddie was in his sophomore year, already antsy to graduate and move on to greater things. 

I was just the outcast that didn’t even have a group. It didn’t matter that I was the captain of the football team’s little sister, I never made any friends because I never tried to. 

Needless to say, yeah, Eddie and I had some history and maybe things got brought up when Vecna was trying to take over the world that might have been better left untouched. And maybe the idea of seeing him again brings butterflies to my stomach while also making my gut sink. 

“No, it's not that. I just…I guess I just haven’t been feeling it since…since yanno,” I say, half heartedly. 

Robin voices her understanding and tells me to just call back when I make a decision on if I would go or not. I promise her I will and hang up the phone. It’s not like I didn’t want to see them, because truly I did but it also wasn’t a complete lie when I told her I hadn’t been feeling quite right since the Venca situation. 

It was a really traumatic and horrible experience for everyone involved, and really astonishing that everyone made it out alive. 

‘Maybe I should just go…but what if it’s horrible? I know none of my lovely friends would ever say anything to me about it, but I just can’t stand the thought of them seeing me in a swimsuit, especially Eddie.’ I shake my head at the thought. ‘What a stupid thing to think, god, we all nearly died and I’m worried about my stomach in a swimsuit, how shallow is that? I guess some things just never change, no matter the life threatening situation…’

I go about my nighttime routine, washing my face and making sure no lights have been left on around the house. I say goodnight to my mother and fall right asleep. Or, I try to at least. 

But my mind keeps me up for much longer than I would have hoped. 

‘It would be a good time, though. Have a couple of beers, spend the night in one of Steve’s nice guest bedrooms. I wouldn’t even have to swim, I could just say I’m on my period or something. Ugh, but Robin knows that I always swam even on my period when we were younger. I’ll just wear a suit under my clothes and pretend the water is too cold even though it’s the peak of summer? Yeah, that should work. I can’t imagine anyone will care that much anyway if I’m not in the pool with them. I really do miss my friends.’

~ 

The next morning I call Robin and tell her I’ll be there tonight. She squeals in delight and tells me how happy she’ll be to see me.

Now it was just time to pick out an outfit, should be simple enough, right? 

Well, after leaving it to the last second and now only having about 15 minutes to get to Steve’s when it’s already a five minute drive, having half of my closet strewn about my room doesn’t seem like a very good place to be at. 

I finally sigh and opt for a swim suit from the summer before that I never wore, a green one piece with a wrapped sort of style for the top portion, and black cut off shorts and an old t-shirt that fits comfortably loose over it. 

I grab my keys and kiss my mother on the forehead, reminding her I wouldn’t be back till the next morning. 

Several shouts of my name reach my ears once I reach Steve’s backyard, it does bring a small smile to my face knowing I’ve been missed just as much as I’ve missed them. 

“You’re actually here, I’m so happy to see you!” Nancy says pulling me in for a hug, Robin joining on top, squishing us all together. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry.” 

“No, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s been a really hard year,” Nancy says sincerely. 

Steve comes up for a hug next, squishing me for dear life, I could feel him about to try to lift me up and spin me around so I pull away rather abruptly. 

“Alright, alright, it’s nice to see you, too, Steve.”

He answers with a kiss to the cheek and makes me promise that I’ll come to the next hangout and every one after that. I see Jonathan and he waves with a small awkward smile. 

Finally my eyes meet Eddie’s. 

~

“James! James! C’mon, come outside and play with me!” It was nearing the end of summer before James would go back to school for his 8th grade year and I would be going into 6th grade. 

“Not right now, can’t you see that I’m busy? I’m too old to play outside anyway,” my brother rolls his eyes. 

I hop down the stairs so I can see the basement fully now. Spotting all of my brother's friends huddled around our dinky old card table while he has books and notepads sprawled on his end. 

“Well, can I at least play your game with you guys? I’m sure I can learn it fast!” I beam, faking confidence in hopes to sway them. 

“No offense, shortcake, but it’s probably too confusing for you. Besides, we’re right in the middle of a campaign, it would be too hard to add in another character out of the blue right now,” Eddie says with a chuckle, like the idea that I could play is too amusing to even consider. 

Naturally, I take full offense. 

“Fine! You’re all so annoying, I didn’t even want to play with you anyway. Especially not with someone who has a buzzcut!” I stick my tongue out at them and run away, but not before I can hear them laughing. 

Sitting alone in my room I know it was childish of me, especially for my age. James was probably right, he was too old to be outside playing tag with his sister. I was too old to be throwing a tantrum like this over some friends wanting to spend time with each other without one’s little sister hanging around. 

~

“Hey, Munson.” 

Eddie nods his head in greeting and goes back to talking with Jonathan. Well, that’s honestly about as much interaction as I expected to get from him tonight. 

“Alright, let’s get this party started!” Robin exclaims, dragging you toward the cooler filled with ice and drinks, I grab a Sprite to start with. 

2 hours later and my Sprite is still mostly untouched and it’s now gone lukewarm. The others are in the pool splashing and playing chicken, I sit on the side with my feet dangling into the shallow end, watching as they fool around and laugh. Giggles and quiet laughs leave my lips on occasion with them. 

“You should get in, the water’s really nice!” Nancy says. 

“Yeah! Strip for us and get in here,” Robin adds, making everyone laugh. 

“You guys just want to get me out of my clothes, don’t you?” I play it off, shaking my head slightly. Giggles erupt again. I excuse myself to the bathroom after pulling my legs out of the pool. 

Closing and locking the door behind me I look at myself in the mirror.

‘I should just get in the pool, shouldn’t I? I do feel like I’m missing out on what could be a lot of fun. And it wouldn’t hurt to wash all this sweat off of me. I could just keep my shirt on, I have an extra change of clothes as backup anyway.’ 

I finish my business and leave the bathroom. 

After turning the corner to go back to the pool I run straight into something firm, nearly being toppled over before hands are at my forearms to keep me from doing so. Seeing dark curls fanning across this “something’s” shoulders and several patches of dark ink on its bare skin, I immediately know I have just run head first into Eddie. Great. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” I murmur, keeping my eyes pointed down. 

“It’s alright, shortcake. No harm done right?” he says, adjusting his head to try to catch my eyes. 

I nod my head and pull away from his hands that still rest gently on my arms. 

“Hey, hey, what’s up? You’re so quiet tonight, is everything okay?” 

I nod again and pull away harder, rushing out the door to get back to the pool, ignoring his call of my name and a request to “just hold on a second.” 

Pulling my shorts off quickly, I step up to the pool and begin to wade into the water before Robin stops me. 

“Your shirt! You don’t want the chlorine to ruin it!” 

My heart thumps, thinking of how I can handle this. My mouth opens to say something but before I can, Robin cuts me off. 

“Just take it off, no one’s gonna make fun of you for being in your swimsuit and if they do I’ll beat them up for you and then we’ll all collectively agree to throw them out of the group. And don’t try to tell me that’s not what it is, I can see it all over your face. You’re allowed to have fun and go swimming, I don’t like to see you excluding yourself, no matter the reason,” she says. 

Of course she would see right through any lie I could throw her way. That’s just how Robin is. No matter how clumsy she can be, she really is observant. Not only that, but she’s right. Nobody cares and if they do, that’s their problem. 

I rip off my shirt and dive into the pool trying to minimize the time in which people could see me without it. Immediately finding Steve’s legs I yank his ankles so he falls backwards into the water with an unnecessarily loud screech. 

It makes the rest of us laugh loudly until Steve comes back up for air with a thirst for vengeance. He chases me around the pool, not for long considering he’s such a strong swimmer and I’m really not trying very hard to get away from him, and catches me easily. His arms wrap around my waist and I cringe as his hands nudge my stomach, scolding myself for the action right after. Steve doesn’t care about my stomach, if he did, he wouldn’t be my friend. 

“That really wasn’t very nice,” Steve says and starts lifting me out of the water. 

“Steve, hey. Steve! Steve, no, I’m too heavy! Stevie, no! Bad Stevie! Bad!”

I’m thrown in the air as far as he can get me and I splash back down. 

I come up spluttering for breath, “Oh, you are so dead, Harrington!” 

All at once the rest of us are splashing and dunking him over and over, until he pleads mercy. Shrieks and squeals of glee and what might be considered laughter fill the air as everyone gets their turn being thrown into the water. 

Eddie comes back out from the house and cannonballs in the middle of our ‘hate on Steve’ fest. 

Eventually I end up back on the side of the pool in my shirt with just my feet in, this time so I can enjoy a fresh soda and mellow out a little, not to make myself smaller. Nancy and Jonathan have called it a night already, leaving Steve, Eddie, and Robin in or by the pool with me. 

“I never noticed this scar? Where did you get it?” Robin points to my knee. 

~ 

The nice old librarian put a hand on my shoulder gently to get my attention, telling me the library would be closing soon and it was best I head home, I hadn’t realized how late it already was. I pack everything together as fast as I can, quickly saying goodnight and unlocking my bike, trying my hardest to race home before the sun sets. 

The wheels of my rickety bicycle pump faster and faster and in my haste I bump over a high curb without realizing, flying off and onto the pavement. 

Tears spring to my eyes as air is sucked in through my teeth. I take a look at my knee and see a small dribble of blood seeping down it, my hands have little scrapes all over, spotted with little beads of red. 

Not the worst I could have gotten from a bike incident, but bad enough to keep me from being able to ride the rest of the way home. It’s not far, but so much for getting back before the street lights turn on. 

About 15 minutes later I make it into our backyard, dropping the two wheeled contraption from hell into the grass and stumbling through the door, all while sniffling back sobs. 

“Oh hey, shortcake! James was starting to get worried about you, you really shouldn’t walk alone at night yanno? Next time ju-” Eddie cuts himself off after seeing the state I’m in. Of course he had to be the one to see me like this. Anyone else could have been sent on snack duty tonight, but it just had to be him. 

“Oh my god, what happened?” He walks up to me. 

I shrug my shoulders and look away. I catch a glimpse of how bad my knees and hands have gotten on the walk home. Blood drips down both knees, my left knee looking significantly worse than the right. Dirt and pebbles cover my palms along with streaks of crimson. 

“Don’t do that, sweetheart. Tell me what happened? Please?” 

I still don’t say anything, fresh, hot tears welling up and already spilling out. I refuse to let stupid Eddie Munson see me like this, all it would be is more leverage to make fun of me with. 

He pulls my hand gently until I’m sitting down. Eddie appears in front of me with a first aid kit a few seconds later, carefully cleaning the gashes on my knees and scrapes on my hands with alcohol wipes. 

“Did,” he lets out a shuddering breath, “Did someone hurt you?” 

“No, god no Eddie, I just-, god this is so embarrassing, I just fell off of my bike is all,” I mutter, not really wanting him to hear the words as they come out. 

“S’ not embarrassing, stuff like that happens. I just wish you would have told me, here I was thinking the boys and I were going to have to band together to cause hell for our favorite little goblin,” he says. 

“You’re just trying to make me feel better, you guys wouldn’t really do that, I guess James might. Most of you guys don’t even really like me that much anyway, you don’t have to lie,” I whisper.

“That’s not true! Of course we would stick up for you!” he says like he’s shocked that I would think the opposite. 

I just shrug my shoulders again and wipe my eyes, still avoiding looking him in the face. 

“Here, let me help you up to your room. That can’t feel good to walk on,” he pulls me up from the chair and goes to lift me into his arms. I jump out of his reach before he can. 

“It’s okay, I got it. Just- you better get back downstairs before they start worrying. I’ll take care of myself.” 

“What? No, you’re basically limping just standing here, shortcake, let me carry you, it’ll only take a minute?” He phrases it like a question. Asking but also sort of demanding. 

The idea is actually really nice, and I want to say yes to it. It would be like when the prince finally gets the princess in all those books I’ve read. Eddie could sweep me off of my feet and whisk me away. 

But I know better, I know that he wouldn’t be able to lift me. Even if he could he wouldn’t so much as glance at me, again, I’m just his friend's little sister. Here only because this is where she lives. 

“No thank you, I’m okay. Go ahead and go back to your game, I’m sure they miss you already. Nobody would even notice if I were gone, but they’ll practically riot without you,” I try to cover how deeply I believe those words with a laugh as I wobble away and halfway up the stairs before he can stop me. 

~

“Um, I guess I don’t really remember. It’s probably just one of those super old scars you forget are even there,” I say, even though I recall the night I got it vividly. 

Eddie’s eyes meet mine from the other side of the pool and they look almost…hurt at the possibility that I might not remember that day. Well, he didn’t get to feel hurt about it. He made it clear that he doesn’t care how I feel when we were in the upside down. 

“Hmmm, yeah, I have, like, tons of those actually,” Robin says, “This one is from my cat, Steven, and this one-” 

“You have a cat named Steven?” I cut her off. She gives me a look that says ‘duh’. 

“But what about Steve? Like human Steve? Was this before or after you became friends? And how has this never come up before?” I practically shriek. 

“Believe me, it has come up before. And yes, before she tells you otherwise, it was after we became friends,” Steve says, settling down beside me while throwing his arm around my shoulders. 

“That is not true! I found him outside the mall before we became friends! We may have been working together at that point, but we were not friends yet!” Robin shouts. 

“We were friends, she’s just embarrassed that she named her cat after me,” Steve whispers in my ear, making me giggle like a schoolgirl. 

Even though I’ve never seen Steve romantically, he still had the ability to reduce me to feet kicking and hair twirling. 

“What’s wrong with you, Munson?” Steve asks, noticing the scowl covering his face that usually carries a bright smile. 

Eddie shakes his head, “Nothing man, just thinking about how I don’t have a beer in my hand right now.” 

~ 

A call of my name breaks my gaze away from the mirror. 

“You almost ready? It’s time to go!” James yells, entering my room. “Hey! You look great! It almost feels like I’m sending you off to prom already,” he says wiping fake tears from his cheeks. 

I shove him in the chest and readjust my hair and the straps to my dress for what feels like the millionth time. It was a rather simple looking thing considering I had to sew it myself since the only dresses even near my size were too far out of theme for the 8th grade Winter Snowball or they were simply just ugly. 

Light blue and white fabric lays delicately across my shoulders and down to my knees, matched with white slip on shoes and silver snowflake jewelry. 

“You look really nice, seriously. I know how nervous you are, but it’s gonna be okay, I promise,” my brother assures me, slapping my shoulder much harder than necessary to push me towards the door, “Now it’s time to get your butt moving, let’s go!” 

When we arrive at the dance I immediately catch eyes with Robin and speed walk to her. James goes wherever he's needed for volunteering. 

After about 45 minutes the first slow song of the night comes on as I sit contently by myself at the far end of the bleachers. I wasn’t sad to not be dancing with anyone, I was honestly sort of relieved that I hadn’t had to dance all night. But watching all the couples on the dance floor does make my heart ache just a little. 

“I haven’t seen you dance all night, what’s that about?” 

“Why are you here?” 

“Ouch, shortcake, I don’t even get a hello? And what, I can’t come volunteer with your brother?” Eddie says, fake hurt painting his face. 

“It just doesn’t seem like you, I guess.” 

He sits down next to me leaving at least enough room for another person to sit between us. He hands me an unopened juice box. 

“Seriously though, why aren’t you out there? You don’t have someone you wanna get cozied up with on the dancefloor?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me in his typical annoying Eddie way. 

I roll my eyes, as my stomach twists with shame. He’s mocking me, isn’t he? 

“Nope. I’m okay with it though. Honestly I was perfectly happy just sitting here. Until you showed up that is,” I say with a shrug. 

“Oh really? Well, gosh, who made you such a sour fart?” he laughs as I push him in the arm. 

“Alright, c’mon then. Pity party is over, let's go do this,” Eddie holds out his hand and raises a brow when all I do is look at it confused. “Let’s go dance, shortcake, you should at least once before it’s over.” 

“Um- I-” I’m at a loss for words. There’s no way he’s being anything but friendly but my stupid heart skips too many beats to count. 

“Here, I need to go check on James and see how the other volunteers are doing. While I take care of that, I want you to sit here and decide if you want to dance with me or not. Of course, I won’t make you do anything you don’t wanna, but if you’re up for it, I’m here,” he says, bouncing back to the drinks and snacks table. I smile giddily at his back and stay sitting. 

By the time the last song of the night played I was still in the exact same spot I had been for nearly 2 hours, waiting for Eddie to come back. 

Immediately after he left, I knew I wanted to dance with him. Of course I would. I’ve known him since I was in 4th grade and have had a crush on him for a year now. All I had to do was wait a few minutes and I would get to live out a fairytale dream. Dancing across the room in a flowey dress with the guy I liked. Of course it would be strictly platonic on his end but it could mean something more to me silently. 

So there I sat, with my empty juice box, tapping my foot in excitement. The first slow song ended and there was no sign of Eddie, but I was sure he just caught up with volunteer work. After the next 3 songs played I began to doubt myself slightly. 

‘Maybe he hadn’t actually wanted to dance like it had seemed. But he looked really sincere when asking me. Yeah. And even if Eddie is just a regular teenage boy, and he can definitely be a jerk sometimes, he’s much sweeter and kinder than most. He wouldn’t leave me hanging like that. He’ll be back any minute now, I’m sure.’ 

By the time 11 more songs had played, I knew he wasn’t coming back. Tears were smearing my mascara while I sat as still as possible on the bleachers, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.  

Of course he wasn’t being serious. He just wanted to tease me like usual, the only difference was this time it went too far. This time he was cruel about it. He could have just told me he didn’t mean it. Instead he strung me along and had me sitting here like a lovesick puppy for an hour straight. 

Who was I kidding? Eddie couldn’t be interested in me. He was my brother's best friend and had seen me grow up. I was just his friend’s chubby little sister. Wearing a dress that doesn’t sparkle and shine like all the others’, sitting alone and pouting like a baby. 

He probably thought I would crush his feet if I accidentally stepped on them. 

After persevering through another hour of horror, James finds me in my corner ready to head home. 

“All ready to go?” he asks jovially like he always seems to be. 

“Yes.” 

James picks up on my mood right away, but I’m already halfway to the car before he can say anything. 

“Okay, uh, I gotta clean up some stuff still but here,” he throws me his car keys when I turn back around, “Go get the car started yeah?” 

I nod and head out to the car when I see Eddie jogging up to the doors after me. My steps speed up hoping for all hell to avoid him. He calls my name but I don’t look back or slow down, in fact, the only thing it succeeds in doing is making me walk faster. 

My hands shake as I try to slip the key into the driver’s side door handle. Warm hands settle on my wrists. 

“Holy shit, I am so sorry, shortcake. I was so excited to dance with you, I really was, I just got caught up in helping another volunteer with something and lost track of time. I didn’t mean to forget you there all alone, I swear on everything. I know how excited you were for tonight and I am so sorry. I didn’t realize how long I had been gone until everyone started leaving and then I saw you get up and realized what I’d done, please forgive me,” he rambles off almost too quickly to understand. 

I expect tears but all I get is a deep rooted feeling of shame and anger. Ashamed by the fact that I thought he would come back and angry at myself for sitting there hopelessly when I could’ve danced with Robin at least. 

“Please, look at me. Please tell me you at least got to dance with someone else, right? You had a good time? Please tell me you at least had fun,” he pleads. 

A scoff escapes me as I whirl on him. 

“No, I didn’t dance with someone else, I sat there and I waited for you. I waited for you the whole time, and I guess that was my first mistake wasn’t it, huh? I believed you. I really thought you meant what you said to me.” 

I rip my arms out of hold. 

“You know what’s funny, too? I was actually having a really good time before you showed up. I told you as much earlier, even. I was perfectly happy to sit by myself, considering that’s how I spend most of my time anyway. I was really enjoying just watching the lights and the twirl of dresses, alone. I was overjoyed to just sit and watch Robin dance with her friends. And you had to come and- and lie to me! You made me feel special for fuck’s sake.” 

His eyes flash with guilt and he must have finally realized how much he hurt me. 

“I get that I’m not the prettiest and skinniest girl and I know that most of those kids don’t even know my name, but you do! You know me. You know me and you still forgot about me,” I pause and take a deep breath, “Do you remember what I said that night when I fell off my bike?” 

Eddie shakes his head.

“Nobody would even notice if I were gone. Nobody, not even you, I guess. You forgot about me not even 5 minutes after making me feel like the most special girl in that whole damn room. And that was really mean, Eddie. I hope you, at least, have a good rest of your night,” I step into the car and start the engine.

~ 

Steve plops down next to me holding 4 cans of beer, one for each of us. 

“I’m really happy I came tonight, thank you, for inviting me and not forgetting about me after I kinda disappeared,” I say quietly. 

Steve pats my back while Robin says something along the lines of ‘duh, of course we would never forget about you.’ 

Eddie stays silent, watching me closely. 

I put my drink on the ground beside me and lay on my back, pulling my shirt down to make sure it covers me still. I start to count the stars, just to keep my brain occupied. My eyes drift shut, my mind choosing to visit yet another memory tonight.  

~ 

It was James’ graduation party. All we had were a couple tables set up with snacks in the backyard and a bonfire, nothing too fancy. I made a simple ‘Happy Graduation!’ banner to hang across the gate for everyone to see, too. 

I’m wearing a plain white sundress and converse, I knew I would be running back and forth from the backyard and the kitchen too much for heels to be sensible. Making sure there’s enough drinks and food and ice for everyone was my job tonight. The sun is still up, melting the ice and warming every drink out here. 

James calls my name softly, “You can quit running around and tending to every little need. Come hang out with everyone for a little bit. Please?” 

I set down the metal tub where drinks are kept and walk over to sit around the fire with him and his usual friends. New faces have popped up over the years, but many stayed the same. Danny Williams, a junior who may or may not have been my first kiss when we happened to both show up at the same party and ended up playing spin the bottle together, Jason Carver, a freshman who appeared promising on the football team before switching to basketball instead, Michael Brown, a senior who’s been in the little Hellfire Group since the beginning. There are several others I don’t recognize and even more that I do. 

Of course, Eddie is there too. I just haven’t really…acknowledged him in…in a really long time. 

I haven’t necessarily been giving him the silent treatment, but I stopped entertaining the conversations he always seemed to start with me. 

Danny greets me with a smile as he sits down next to me. He even pulls his lawn chair a little closer towards mine, grinning slightly while doing so. 

“What can I do for you Danny?” I say. 

“Oh nothing. I just wanted to come sit by you, is all.” Huh. That…that sort of stumps me. 

I didn’t think Danny would even recognize me at the party, and I’m honestly even more surprised that he wanted to talk to me after kissing me. We make small conversation, butting into the rest of the group's discussion once in a while to add an opinion. 

Night had fallen and marshmallows and graham crackers were brought out for s'mores, as well as a couple of 12 packs of beer that someone had brought with them. 

I knew James had gone to several parties to celebrate winning a football game where there had been alcohol, or even just little get-togethers where it was provided. I guess now that it was only soon-to-be seniors and high school graduates, minus myself, left at the party it was time for that portion of the night to begin. 

I stand up to go in and let the others have their fun. 

“Where’re you going?” Danny asks, grabbing my hand lightly, looking up with wide puppy dog eyes. His eyes are a pretty green color. Brown eyes have always been my favorite, though. 

“Oh, I was just going to head in and call it a night. That way you all could have your fun without worrying about me dragging you down.” 

My comment makes his brows furrow, his mouth opens to say something, but he’s cut off. 

“You can stay out here, you know. No one minds having you here and I’m sure dear old James doesn’t care if you partake in a little drink, do you?” Eddie states. When did he get so close to us? 

“Even if I did care she gets to do what she wants, man. As long as you're safe about it, go for it,” James says, patting my back and taking one for himself. 

I’ve never drank before, but what the hell? James was leaving in just a few weeks now and this might be my only chance to try it. It’s certainly one of my last chances to hang out with everyone like this, at least for a while. 

After just 2 cans my tongue had already loosened significantly. Danny and I had been talking and giggling the whole time until he had gotten up to go home since his designated driver was ready to leave. 

“So, you and Danny seem pretty close suddenly?” Eddie phrases it like a question, wanting more information on the subject. 

Usually I would just hum in what could be taken as agreement or disinterest but my mind was running a little slower than normal. 

“Yeah, he and I kinda ran into each other at a party that I kinda crashed with Robin and we ended up, like, kissing and stuff,” I giggled. “But shhhh, don’t tell anyone else.”  

Eddie’s eyes widened, but that could have been a trick of the light. 

“What, uh, what do you mean by ‘and stuff’?” 

“Oh nothing. We just had one teensy tiny kiss because we were playing spin the bottle,” I say, not really thinking about it. 

Now I really know my brain is playing tricks on me because for a second I think Eddie looks pleased with this new knowledge that it didn’t really mean anything. 

“I feel like we haven’t really talked in a long time. What’s, uh, what’s been up, lately?” 

The question itself is awkward, but the way he struggled through it made it even more awkward. 

“I’ve been regular old me, Eddie. Nothing new or exciting. Although I did finish a book last night that really threw me through a loop. Oh! Actually there is something exciting! Do you wanna hear it?” 

He smiles, “Of course I do, shortcake.” 

“Well,” I take another sip of what is now my third beer, “William Gillar and Stacy Johnson have finally graduated!” I let out a squeal. 

Eddie just looks at me confused. 

“Do you have any idea what this means, Eds? I am finally free of those two asshats for the rest of my high school experience! Isn’t that amazing! I mean, it was easier to ignore this year than last year, but god I am so thrilled! No more mean notes from them calling me a pig in my locker and book bag, I can even finally find a table to sit at for lunch instead of hiding in Mr. Steerwell’s class,” I sigh happily. 

“Do you wanna know what else they did? This is so silly! They used to catch me on my walk home from school and steal my library books. How stupid is that? Why would you steal someone’s library books, right? They would run around with it so I would chase after them and then laugh at how my body would jiggle. How funny, right? I am so happy they’re gone, Eds, you have no idea.” 

Eddie has his mouth halfway open, anger flaring in his eyes. But that couldn’t be right, why would he care about a couple of high school bullies. 

“No, that’s not funny or silly. That’s been going on this whole time? And you didn’t tell anyone? God, why wouldn’t you tell someone, sweetheart? That’s horrible,” he says. 

“Meh, it’s just normal high school bully stuff.” I wave my hand in dismissal. 

“No, it’s not. Bullying shouldn’t even be considered normal anyway, but what they did to you? That goes far beyond normal, shortcake. I wish you would have said something. You know James and I would’ve taken care of them for you, right?” 

“Well, it doesn’t really matter now, does it. It’s too late,” I dismiss him and his misplaced worry. Honestly, it was nothing I couldn’t handle. He must have sensed how much I didn’t want to talk about it anymore because he dropped it. 

The night moves quickly after that, people say their goodbyes as James takes over clean up duty, considering I can barely stand up without nearly falling asleep. 

“Eddie, will you take her in and make sure she gets into bed okay?” James asks. 

That’s how I find myself being semi-dragged up the stairs to my bedroom and thrown on the mattress like a sack of potatoes. I don’t think Eddie was half as rough as my brain made it seem, to be honest. 

“Eds?” I whisper looking down at Eddie who’s kneeling by feet, gently taking my shoes off. 

“Yeah?” 

A couple beats of silence pass where I try to figure out how to word what I’m thinking. 

“I forgive you.” His movements stop. “I hope you know that. It’s probably such a silly little thing to even remember but I forgive you for forgetting to dance with me. I probably would have forgotten me, too. And…and I am sorry. I really am, for pushing you away so hard after. It was really stupid of me and I wish I hadn’t. Robin is a good friend, but you’re kind of the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend, I think. And I threw that all away over hurt feelings. Puberty, am I right?” I giggle. 

“S’ not silly to remember that. And you weren’t being stupid, sweetheart. You were hurt, you were protecting yourself and I don’t blame you for that. I should never have even walked away from you that night, but I did. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness for it,” Eddie says. 

More words mumble out of his mouth but none of it registers. Soon the noise stops and I feel Eddie’s warm hands pull my shoes all the way off, pushing my legs onto the bed and turning me to lay comfortably on my stomach. 

He must remember that’s my favorite way to sleep. 

My mind must really hate me because I swear, right before I fall asleep, I feel lips pressing gently to my forehead while a guitar calloused hand pushes hair away from my eyes. 

Of course, that didn’t actually happen because that’s not something Eddie would do. Right? Yeah, he wouldn’t…

~ 

A timid shake to my shoulder pulls me from my dozing. 

“Hey, shortcake, it’s time for you to go in.” 

There’s only one person who’s ever called me by that nickname. 

“Hm, it’s been a while since you’ve called me that…Eds.” 

I don’t know what made me decide to use his nickname. It never seemed right to use it after we drifted so far apart when James left. 

Eddie helps pull me to my feet. 

‘Hmmm, he’s always been a lot stronger than he looks. I barely even lifted myself up for him.’ 

“Oh, now you wanna be all friendly again? Using a nickname and everything? What’s this all about, huh?” Eddie says, steadying me with his calloused hands when my legs wobble.   

My brows furrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Earlier, when we were in the house. You practically ran away from me. I mean, it’s just that we…we haven’t seen each other since we went into the upside down. I thought maybe,” he lets out a long breath. “Maybe things had changed or something, I guess. I was hoping we could talk about it after we all got out but you’ve been avoiding everyone.” 

“And why is that? Why do you think things would have changed Eddie?” 

~

“No! No, no, no! Edward Munson, if you cut that rope, so help me god!” 

“You know I always love when you use my full name.” 

And the bastard cuts the rope. 

The next thing I know, he’s out of the trailer doing something entirely too heroic and the exact amount of stupid he always is. 

Before I can think I shove Dustin out of the trailer, the one not in the upside down, and send him to go help Lucas. 

“No! We need to help him! Can’t you see that he needs help!” 

“I know Dustin, I know. That’s why I’m staying here. But I need you to go find Lucas and Erica and check on Max. There are others who still need our help, Henderson. Please, listen to me and go help them.” 

I turn back into the trailer before he can disagree again, locking the door to make sure he doesn’t follow. Without second guessing, I jump through the portal, landing somewhat safely on my side. 

I manage to find a bike and just a few minutes later I’m riding as fast as I can towards the bat tornado that Eddie stands in the middle of. 

“Eddie you dumb jerk, you better not be getting yourself killed!” I scream at the top of my lungs. His eyes catch mine as a look of horror crosses his face. 

“Why the hell did you follow me? I specifically told you not to!” 

“Yeah, well I specifically told you not to cut the rope!” 

We fight off the bats as best we can until they all suddenly drop to the ground. 

Eddie and I stand breathing hard, our brains trying to catch up with all of what just happened. Eddie turns to me, a grin beginning to form. 

I punch him as hard as I can in the chest. And then I do it again, and then again and again, until I’m pounding my fists against his chest over and over again. 

“What the hell?! Honey, stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself!” 

I choke on hiccupping sobs as hot tears overflow past my lashes. 

“Don’t you ever do something like that again! Ever!” 

Eddie grabs my wrists to keep me from hitting him anymore. I keep trying until I realize his hold on me is too strong. 

“Princess, you gotta stop. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore, please stop.” 

He wraps his arms around me, stroking the back of my hair, pressing soft kisses to my forehead. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’re okay, I promise.” 

“That was not okay, Eddie. Not okay!” I tell him looking up into his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I really am. But look, we did it!” 

He looks down at me thoughtfully. His eyes flit down to my lips. My breath catches. 

He couldn’t possibly be… 

His lips are on mine. And Eddie Munson is kissing me. 

Both of his hands are on the side of my face, rubbing his thumbs softly across the apples of my chubby cheeks. 

I pull away, “What do you think you’re doing?” 

“Kissing my shortcake,” he says with a smirk while I grimace at the phrase. He laughs at the face I make and kisses me again. 

I kiss back harder this time, getting lost in all things Eddie. The way his hair feels soft even despite being so dirty. His lips are somehow minty. He smells like smoke and old books. 

My heart soars. This has to be proof, then. Eddie must think of me the way I think of him. I can’t imagine ever kissing someone with this much passion if it didn’t mean something more. I smile into the kiss.

Footsteps sound behind where we stand and Eddie pushes me off of him, placing several feet between us. I look at him confused and hurt by his sudden change in behavior. He refuses to meet my eyes. He even wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, looking straight ahead at Steve, Robin and Nancy appearing in front of us. 

Oh.

He’s too embarrassed to let his new friends see him with the big girl? Is that what it is? Does he suddenly regret kissing me? Was it just a heat of the moment type of deal, then? I was the closest human thing, so he settled on me for a little ‘yay the world didn’t end’ kiss?

In my whole life, I don’t think anything has hurt as much as that did. 

~

An uncomfortable amount of silence fills the air.. 

“Things got weird after James left, but you know that. We both felt it, even though we tried to ignore it. Jason started to act like he ran the damn school even though we were friends at one point. I never saw you because we were never at your house anymore. Then I got held back and we basically had every class together. Then I got held back again and you graduated. I missed you. I really, really missed you,” he says the last part quietly. Almost like he was afraid for me to hear it. I hold back a scoff.

“I missed you so much, it’s ridiculous. I just wanted my shortcake back. My sweetheart, my princess, my honey,” he laughs to himself, I stay quiet. “God, I was such a jerk to you growing up. And not because ‘I had a crush on you’ because that’s bullshit, guys shouldn’t be allowed to be mean to girls with the excuse of it being ‘romantic’. I wish I had treated you better, been a little friendlier. I never realized how much you meant to me until your brother’s graduation.” 

He takes his eyes away from his feet to glance at me. 

“Do you remember that night? It was your first time drinking and you got so sleepy I had to tuck you into bed. You had told me about you and Danny at that party and it made me jealous. I’d never really felt jealous before, certainly not like that at least. It made me realize how deep my feelings for you went.” 

I remain silent, partly because I didn’t want to interrupt him when this is the most honest and vulnerable he’s ever been, out of respect, and partly because I was utterly confused and angered by what he was saying and claiming.

“You forgave me for leaving you alone at the dance, even though I never deserved to be forgiven for that. I didn’t even know how badly you were being bullied at school until you told me, that’s not a person who deserves to be forgiven.” 

A soft laugh and a pause. “I guess what I’m saying is…is I wish things had, in fact, changed after Vecna. And I know, that’s probably not something you want to hear because I know it’s not the same for you but I figure if you’re not gonna talk to me anyway, I may as well tell you, right?” 

He takes a step towards the house but I don’t let him get far. 

“What do you mean it’s ‘not the same for me’?” 

“Well obviously you’ve been ignoring me since I kissed you so, clearly it wasn’t something you wanted.” He shrugs his shoulders. “And that’s okay. I’m not saying you have to be with me or anything, I’m just saying…I don’t know what I’m saying.” 

“I’ve been ignoring you?” I ask, dumbfounded by his idiocy. 

“Well, yeah. You haven’t even been answering the walkie.” 

“And you think that was because I didn’t want to kiss you? Not because, oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that the second Nance and the others showed up you shoved me away from you? It couldn’t have been because it was obvious you couldn’t stand the thought of being seen with me?” 

Eddie’s face drains of color. 

“I can’t help but see now that this is all you think I deserve. A quick kiss when no one can see, right? A little making out before someone can figure who you’re with, huh?” 

“No! That is not at all what that was! I can’t believe you would think that. I pushed you away so you wouldn’t be seen with me!” he shouts, cutting me off. 

“What?” 

“The whole town wanted me for murder! Murder! They thought I was running a cult that killed my friend as a sacrifice! My friend! I didn’t want you to be tied to that anymore than you already were, so I pushed you off before the others could see. If someone, somehow went yapping about a girlfriend of mine and things went sideways when we got out of the upside down, you might have gone down with me and I couldn’t let that happen. I just couldn’t. I was going to tell you all of this as soon as I could but you never let me get the chance, and I see why now. I am so sorry it looked like I was embarrassed to be with you, but that will never be the case with me.” 

He takes my face in his hands and looks me directly in the eyes. 

“You are single-handedly the most beautiful person I have ever met. Inside and out. You have always cared for me and the old Hellfire Club. Don’t think I didn’t know it was you sending cookies on our campaign nights, even after graduating. I remember when I showed up at your house looking for James because some older kids had taken my lunch money in middle school, little you went after them yourself and did one helluva job doing it. You sat me down and cleaned me up. Gave me peas to put on my forehead.”  

It was like a forgotten memory was just pulled up by his words, I did remember that. 

“I could never be embarrassed by you, ever. I don’t care what people think. I…I love you. And I love your hair, and I love your eyes, and I love your laugh, and I love your stomach and your thighs, and I love your mind. I love you and I hope you can see it. I hope…I hope you can see me,” he finishes off in a very quiet whisper, tilting his head down and away from my eyes. 

I place my hands over his that still hold my face. 

“I have always seen you, Eddie Munson. Always.” 

His head jolts up to look me in the eyes once more. 

“God, Eddie, I’m so sorry. I know you’re not a horrible person, I should have known, I’m so sorry. God, you were literally being hunted for murder and I was crying about you being embarrassed by me? I’m so fucking sorry.” 

I shake my head and take a deep breath. 

“I love you, I have for so long. I love the way you smile, I love the way you’re not afraid to take up space, I love the way you’re there for Dustin, the way you were there for me countless times. I love you and your horrible music.”

“Hey, now. Watch it.”

I laugh, “I love you and I see you and I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re forgiven, I promise. You didn’t even really need to apologize in the first place.” 

“Yes, I did. Because none of that was fair to you.” 

“And none of that was fair to you, shortcake. It’s okay.” 

I look at his lips, and that’s all the cue Eddie needs to kiss me. Finally. We put our hearts into it, getting lost in each other. Getting lost in our sudden understandings of the other.  

“We’re both really kinda stupid aren’t we? Stupid and oblivious,” I say, chuckling quietly. 

“Oh, definitely. I mean, we’ve known each other for, what, at least ten years and we couldn’t figure this out without a bunch of drama?” 

“It seems very on brand for you actually, you’ve always been one for the dramatics.” 

“I love you.” 

“And I love you.”

[doctorofmagic]

No Way Home Review By A Strange Stan‘s POV

Spoilers under the cut

WHAT A MOVIE, MY FRIENDS, WHAT A MOVIE!!!

Before we start, I just wanted to say that I hate, HATE, the person who edited the trailer. You can rot in Mephisto’s realm and no one, not even Stephen, will save you. You baited me into believing Stephen would go against Wong, that he’d be the one to mess up the spell, that he’d be cold and uncaring. YOU BINCH, YOU DARE PLAY WITH MY HEART LIKE THIS? I had to endure Wendy stans for weeks ughhh.

Okay, now back to the real deal. I’m not focusing that much on Peter(s) because this is a Stephen blog, but rest assured, I’ve never screamed so much in a theater before. Fanservice at its finest *chef’s kiss*

First thing that I loved is how Wong and Stephen are still keep bickering at each other married even though Stephen was blipped. And speaking of which, I also love the fact that Wong, THAT’S RIGHT, WONG IS THE SORCERER SUPREME, AS HE SHOULD BE!!! I just think he deserves more than Stephen when it comes to the MCU, ngl. And this is also important for representation so let’s keep it this way, shall we? It doesn’t change a thing for Stephen, he’ll still be the sassiest and more depressed one, as he should.

Next, Stephen totally asks permission to Wong to perform the spell. AND WONG JUST MELTS TO HIS PUPPY EYES AND SAYS “Okay, fine,” BEFORE LEAVING. HE’S SO AOHDOHFEWOG I LOVE THIS BASTARD SO MUCH. And then he winks, VERY DIFFERENT FROM THAT THE TRAILER SOLD US, I’LL INSIST ON THIS MATTER BECAUSE I’M OUTRAGED.

Another important thing is the fact that Stephen did nothing wrong. He had Wong’s permission (Sorcerer Supreme),  AND he was performing the spell correctly until Peter interrupted him and tampered with the spell SIX (five) TIMES. He did what he could to prevent the spell from collapsing reality but of course there would be side effects. It’s magic, after all. I do not blame Stephen for being mad at Peter, he even realizes Peter is still a teenager and has much to learn, but he’s right. I’m sorry, MJ, I love you, but that was not on him. And I still don’t like the “Scooby-Doo this shit”, it feels so OOC lmao. But okay, fine.

Now, one thing that made me a little.... wary and iffy is how Stephen didn’t give Peter a shot at trying and changing the Sinister Six (Five?). 616 Stephen would totally agree with Peter on this matter because he believes in people’s inherent good. Hell, he has been given a second chance, it’s too much of arrogance and lack of empathy to believe others can’t have that too. Also completely convenient how Stephen loses the battle to “science” when it’s ALWAYS the other way around haha. I didn’t catch how he remained trapped in the mirror dimension for twelve hours if he could, you know, get rid of the webs and teleport back even without the ring? But I don’t mind that because it was important to bring TOBEY FUCKING MAGUIRE AND ANDREW FUCKING GARFIELD to the movie, so I pretend I do not see it.

And speaking of which... I don’t mind Ned learning magic that easily at all. Many magic users are more intimate with magic than others. Also, the most important thing to perform magic is to believe. That plot in Fantastic Four v1 #500-501 is amazing to show how Reed, a man whose most fundamental trait is his love for science, can learn magic in a day if he truly believes in it. Besides, Ned’s magic is not perfect, for he accidentally brings the “wrong” Peters to their universe. I’d love to see Ned as a magic user, ngl.

When Stephen finally rejoins the drama, the multiverse is collapsing. Can I just say how heartbroken he looks when the sky is cracking? And then, when Peter asks him to erase everyone’s memories, you can just see in his eyes that he’ll miss Peter. When he says “we” instead of “they”, it means that he also cares for Peter. He almost ruined his eyeliner there with a tear, I could tell heh (beautiful makeup btw, I need more. Make it more evident please?)

And lastly.... THE LEAKED TRAILER WAS ACTUALLY THE LAST SECOND CREDIT SCENE AFTER ALL. I already watched it and ngl, the leaks I read are turning more and more real. Something went haywire with the spell, OR it’s all planned. I’m still cautious with the movie because 1) too many characters and 2) fuck Sam Raimi, but the trailer brings a little bit of relief. AND GODS, Y’ALL KNOW I DON’T SIMP FOR BENEDICT BUT HE’S SO DADDY AND STEPHEN IN THAT TRAILER, WHAT THE HELL. Also, if the leaks are real, I’ll be SO satisfied. And oh, that’s right. EVIL STEPHEN!!! I mean, he didn’t sound as the What If? version of him, he was kinda scarier and creepier? But maybe it’s just the trailer baiting me again for I know he won’t be the main villain.

But hey, Rintrah confirmed! And hopefully Clea as well. Some of the other toys, by the way, are not part of the movie, like Sleepwalker and D’yspayre. Shuma-Gorath is confirmed, tho. And if you ask me if I understood the plot... I’ll answer: NO, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON. Christine getting married finally gives me room to breathe. I mean, she still could become Clea, but then she wouldn’t be Stephen’s love interest, unless they go for “sudden realization I love him more than my actual husband”, which will make me SO SO SO enraged. Just let them be two different characters, please? I can’t talk about Mordo without spoilers within spoilers so I’ll keep that to myself. Same goes for Wanda.

Lastly, imagine feeling like the ultimate clown for believing Stephen was Mephisto HHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU’RE ALL SO OUT OF YOUR LEAGUES, PLEASE. Perhaps allow the actual fans to elaborate theories next time? The embarrassment will not be that overwhelming, I assure you. #notmystephenmyass

PS: I’d love love love to talk more about the Peters and the Sinister Six, honestly. I’ve always believed Otto would still be alive somehow when I was a kid, and against all the odds my dream came true? I’ve always manifested the F4 to go back to Marvel as well so they could have a decent movie and honestly, after this experience, I trust the director. The emotional burden Holland’s Peter has been through in this movie is just SO on point. I cried with him, and I cried with Andrew’s and Tobey’s. And speaking of Andrew, I was just SO happy for him. You could see the bright in his eyes, and that cannot be faked. He was genuinely so happy for being there and he has all my support and love. Also they actually used the Sinister Six in a way that you could see character’s development, especially Otto and Norman. Max was a delight as well, and the little tease about Miles Morales made everyone in the theater scream, me included. Only thing is, I’ll definitely have to watch Venom now because I haven’t yet lmao.

AND HOW COULD I FORGET? MY BELOVED MATTHEW MURDOCK, MY SWEETEST LITTLE MEOW MEOW, PART OF THE MCU??? I just feel Punisher will be around after that. The Midnight Sons project is slowly taking shape. Blade, MK, Ghost Rider, I need y’all to manifest!!

And that’s it. I just really loved this movie and I’m so grateful Stephen is there to be part of this incredible experience, and he’s on point too! Not the best Stephen’s characterization in the world but it’s decent, it’s valid. Top 5 easy!! I’ll definitely rewatch it asap to catch more details and easter eggs, for sure!!

[good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic]

I can fill in some more of these blanks and add in additional context for some of the others that were looking a bit sparse.

(I've used black, purple and orange to colour text in decreasing order of certainty. Green is for ones that were already explained but I'm adding more context.)

Glenn Howerton Burnout no. 1 was actually way back in season 6 and then the big one we all know about was in season 11 which is why they wrote him out at the end of season 12, and he had a much better time filming season 12 because he knew he was done.

**Wrexhamgate refers to how Glenn still hasn't watched WTW, Rob hasn't watched past ep 10 of AP Bio and Glenn hasn't watched past ep 7 or 8 of Mythic Quest.

**Not sure what Irelandgate is? The fact that they didn't actually film season 15 in Ireland because of covid, maybe?

Rob NFTgate extended edition includes him starting an Adimverse company to encourage some kind of virtual crowdsourced writers room but it was really just another NFT crypto scheme. And worse, it came out after general public opinion on NFTs had started to sour.

Glenn Poppersgate is about him announcing in the live shows that he's done poppers and going off on them as soon as the topic came out. And ofc poppers are gay af. Apparently some of that content as well as other drunk Glenn gems were cut out of the podcast episode. He's never beating the allegations.

Glenn Spotify are his three public playlists, Moody Mood 1, Moody Mood 2 and Rocky Rock, released back in 2018 or so.

Glowerton antivaxgate is based on a few tweets he posted advocating for parent's choice in vaccinating schoolkids in 2014-2015 in the aftermath of having watched a scare-propaganda antivax "documentary". Unclear whether his opinions have changed, but he seems to not be antivax on covid based on the podcast and s15?

*Rob Rosell Fruitgate... do you mean Scott Marder fruitgate about how he'd never eaten blueberries, pears and other fruits and that made it into Hits the Road when Mac buys Charlie a pear? Meanwhile he was an expert on smelling salts.

Rami Malek Hate Train could've also been about Jared Leto according to the two options r/iasip deduced back in the day based on the criteria (from Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad)

Glenn Homewrecker Redditgate is a story from an old reddit post, possibly from one of his AMAs, where someone posted a long story about how he'd shown his longtime girlfriend Sunny and she then messaged Glenn on MySpace and cheated on him with Glenn way back in the day, and now he could never go back to being a Sunny fan because he couldn't watch it anymore. Not sure if this was a true story though because the username made it seem like a copypasta.

Fred Savage who directed much of Sunny S3-5 was accused of assault, harassment and other misconduct at shows he worked on both in the '90s and around 2015.

**Sunny intern replying to Anna and Rob liking Nat's tweet both sound like sunnytwt events. There were screenshots of some thirst posts getting interaction with the official Sunny account going around sunnybr last month, so probably that?

*Rob Gay Podcast might be the episode he did on Dax Shepard's pod where he talks about enjoying the male form and wishing he could feel about it in a gay way

*That 80s Show Cancellation... not sure what this is specifically about, but without it we wouldn't have Sunny. Glenn and Charlie's first real significant meeting was after auditioning for this show, the actress who plays Carmen met Glenn on this show, and the money from this show helped pay for the cameras they shot the Sunny home movies with.

Stephen Collins who played Bruce Mathis aka Mr Save the Children turned out to be a creep who sexually abused minors, and his career ended when he admitted it in 2014

*Glowerton Wikifeet might from the Paddy's Pub ep of the pod where he reads a creep comment on having seen all the guys' ankles. Rob suggests they do an episode without shoes. Glenn mentions that he has very long toes, with his middle toe being as long as his pinky finger. In the aftermath, people tracked down screenshots of Dennis on the show and the home movie showing off his toes.

Baby Bird! Kaitlin fed Glenn jerky or smtg similar mouth-to-mouth like a momma bird. Glenn posted two pictures of them doing this on insta or twt before deleting them quickly. Too late. Tumblr has them forever.

Jordan Reid Firing was partly due her and Rob breaking up in a bad way, but also involves some stuff about the top-level executives at FX seeing the young woman as more replaceable than the guys. She was also betrayed by her agents and managers who never fought for her to get a producer credit and left her as soon as she got fired after they shot the FX pilot.

AI Gate 2023 were last month's posts of "Glenn" on a podcast (that the real Glenn actually went on once) saying Dennis loved Mac back except this clip was ai generated.

Rob Dick Pic Gate come out of the 2016 Sunny gang at LA pride photos going around here earlier this year, when someone spotted Rob adjust his massive hog through his trousers in a video from that event. It led to many "hog watch" posts where ppl would post screenshots of any outline you could see of Rob's hog in and off the show.

Glob Showergate came out of a podcast run by some horror film actresses talking about their experiences at a party when two of them ended up in a shower with Rob and Glenn and how it was weirdly normal. The story was about how she later went out once with Glenn when he took he to see Saw and was way more awkward then than he was in the shower.

*The number of asterisks indicates the degree of uncertainty.

If anyone can help us figure out Glowerton Femalegate, Private Schoolgate and Glenn Howerton Dead Prophecy, that would be much depreciated. More clarification on the Sunnytwt events would help too because I don't know who Anna and Nat are.

Also, does anyone have the homewrecker glennjamin reddit post and the Kaitlenn momma/baby bird post?

idk if anyone’s done this before but sunny lore iceberg🙏🙏

[sofoulandfairaday]

The ultimate How I Met Your Mother Finale rant

I know this has been done before, and I know I'm several years late to the party, but I don't care, so IN THIS ESSAY I WILL tell you about why this finale takes the spot as the second-worst finale in TV show history (because Game of Thrones is still, to this day, unbeatable, and it will probably stay like that forever). 

But first, a little context: I've just finished binge-watching HIMYM. This binge has been going on for three days straight (my final exam of the semester is in a week and I should be studying, so the fact that the last few days were a partial waste of time makes me so mad). Second thing: I already knew how it would end, and yes, kids, it does ruin the show for you. It ruins the show so much it makes your blood boil when you rewatch certain scenes, but I will get to that. 

You might want to make yourself a drink because this is a complete list of all the reasons why HIMYM's finale sucks - I'm warning you, it's gonna be looong.

It completely invalidates the entirety of season 9

This is one of the complaints people most often have with this series, and I have to agree. It would have been so much better if the last two episodes never existed, and they just showed Barney and Robin dancing at the reception after walking out of the chapel, Ted noticing Tracy and then the platform scene. "And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother". Cut scene. Honestly, I don't get the hate people give to season 9, barring the last 2/3 episodes, especially since season 8 was so much worse (except for a few honourable mentions, like The Robin). S8 was slower, less funny, and less deep, and while the authors took a risk by making s9 happen in the span of a weekend it paid off: they took their time introducing the character of the Mother to the gang and fleshing her out. They make sure to highlight all the little ways in which Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other, and even tie up loose ends, like with the Slapsgiving episode, that was a filler but it wasn't boring to watch (although it may be problematic for different reasons, I'm not Chinese, so I can't say for sure if it's cultural appropriation or just the authors making fun of a particular movie genre). 

Some episodes were arguably great: "Daisy" was amazing, and that whole fight between Marshall and Lily was so realistic and well thought out, "Sunrise" was extremely important for Ted's character development, same goes for Tracy and "How Your Mother Met Me", "Bedtime stories" was impressive, "Rally" was incredibly funny and proved once again what a beautiful character Barney Stinson is, so much so that even Robin never has doubts that he (the guy with the biggest commitment issues on the planet) will bail on her before the wedding, and says to Ted that "he always comes back". Daphne's character is super funny and the right amount of annoying, the shenanigans of the gang are well thought out and all of the characters (not just Barney) complete their arc in this season. The last two/three episodes butcher that.

Marshall and Lily

Marshall and Lily, arguably the world's most solid couple, are the only thing this God-awful finale gets right, especially Marshall, who is my second-favourite character, that finally gets everything he deserves. But what about Lily? They never mention her career after Italy, and I refuse to believe she goes back to being a kindergarten teacher as if her year in Rome meant nothing. I also refuse to think she becomes nothing but a political wife, the equivalent of Zoey, but without saving the world. We know she has three kids, but her postpartum depression is never really talked about much and they definitely had the screentime to delve into it. 

Barney

 Where do I even begin? Barney Stinson is, without a doubt, the best character in this series, the glue of the whole gang. I think the message they were trying to give is that, since his trauma stemmed from the absence of a father figure in his life, he could only truly heal by becoming a father as well. People also say that n°31 had to stay just a number, because who could match up with Barney Stinson? First of all, I call BULSHIT on that last point, because Robin wasn't the only girl Barney could have ended up marrying. I used to think that too, but it's just not true: that is the equivalent of saying that Barney was incapable to truly love a woman and commit to her, even after all the development he got, and that he only got one shot at love in life, and that's it. This goes against the point the showrunners try to make by having Ted and Robin end up together AND by having Tracy get with Ted in the first place: "it's never too late, you always have another chance at love, etc." And, let's face it, Barney and Robin are legendary, but Barney and Nora (hell, even Barney and Quinn!) were pretty good together too. 

Second of all, if they wanted to give Barney a kid, they could have easily done that, before Barney married Robin. Barney's "redemption" starts when he gets with Robin the first time, hell maybe even when we meet James for the first time: Nora, Quinn, finding out who his father is, the episode dedicated to the lies his mum told him/finding James' father, him getting to know his own dad, etc... those are all steps along the way. The s9 episode where Barney accepts the relationship between Loretta and the reverend proves how far he's come. So why not give him a daughter BEFORE he proposes to Robin? Have him cheat on Nora/Quinn with n°31, giving him a relapse, and having him get closer to Robin while struggling to be a dad to Ellie. That would have been great. 

Or, you know, don't give him children. What's the point of burning the Playbook if you're going to have him write the second edition? What's the point of having him do a complete 180 in the last few scenes and acting like having a kid is the only thing that makes him change? What's the point of doing that when the show spends entire episodes berating Marshall and Lily for "changing too much" when they have a kid?

Also, Barney is the "challenge accepted" guy. He loves his wife so much, he spent years wanting her, and then he gives up because there is no WiFi in his hotel. How does that make any sense at all? This is Barney Stinson, the "I will fly out to San Francisco and buy Lily a plane ticket", the "I will steal every girl from my best friend just to save him for Lily", the guy that wrote the Playbook (it takes effort to pull those plays off), the guy that planned for weeks his proposal, the guy that waited years to get back at the man who stole his first girlfriend, the guy that makes every night legendary... are you telling me that that guy becomes the equivalent of a bored housewife instead of living his best life while travelling the world? Come on. They don't even try to make it believable.

Ted

While watching seasons 7 and 8, I felt that Ted was becoming the worst character on the show: he was boring, depressed, basically had no good storylines, the whole thing with Victoria was pointless and inconclusive (and the whole "stop being in love with Robin" was completely out of character for her), but whatever, we could have accepted that because it passed the message that two people could be good together, without being soulmates - which, by the way, renders the TedxRobin ship pointless, because they were right for each other, but Ted and Tracy were soulmates. Him being hung up on Robin in the latter seasons is almost pathetic, and the thing he does with the locket is insane, not romantic - BUT I will say this: it can be seen in two ways, depending on who's watching. I personally like the two as friends, so I see the whole thing as a "Dahmer" situation, but I get the people who see it as a "Dobler" one and see what he did as a grand romantic gesture. 

The problem, though, is that the whole TedxRobin ship gets pretty old, pretty fast: it's an annoying on-and-off thing, that should have ended with the locket. Because, yes, Ted was in a dark moment, yes, he was probably depressed, yes, he thought Robin was his only shot at happiness, but he changes during season nine! He spends entire episodes letting go of Robin, including the one where she transforms into a balloon and flies away. Ted is the good guy, ultimately. He is the guy that is genuinely happy for his best friends. In one of the deleted scenes from the finale, he meets Robin years later and says that he's so happy with Tracy he never thought about Robin in that way anymore. All of that gets thrown in the trash. Why do that? To use a Harry Potter metaphor, Ted is Severus Snape, while Barney is James Potter: the former loved the girl of his dreams with all his heart, even to the point of creepiness, but they weren't meant to be together. 

Robin

This, along with the next point, is the worst of all: Robin is the worst character of the entire finale. Her relationship with Ted in season 2 is wonderful, and I say that as a full-on Barney/Robin shipper. There was never a problem in their relationship, apparently, but they then break up because they have an "expiration date" and ultimately want different things in life. Except that Ted is not her soulmate. The only times when Robin wants Ted are the times where (1) she can't have him because he's either trying to move on or (2) the times where it's convenient, for example when they become roommates again and they solve their disputes again. Around that time, we see perfectly that Ted had moved on and that the person getting hurt was Barney. It's one thing to see Ted and Robin in the finale as two people picking up where they had left off after they dated. But this is not the case. 

In season 7, we have the exchange that should have put an end to any and all TedxRobin drama, and that completely invalidates whatever the writers wrote after that about the two of them: Ted declares his love - "I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time's gonna change that. Just tell me: do you love me?" To which she answers "No". And Ted also says later to Marshall, that he's "happy because he can finally move on". 

What a load of crap. 

Getting over someone is hard, believe me, I would know. And, oftentimes, it doesn't happen until we find someone else to love (and from the moment he meets Tracy, there is no one else for Ted). But by giving Ted feelings for Robin after this moment, it takes away from the beauty of it- because it's one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world when you declare your love to someone and they don't love you back. Ted and Robin were both honest at that moment, and it was the last genuinely good exchange between them. After that, during season 8 they try to show us Ted trying to get over her (and failing) and in season 9 Ted getting over her completely. This is also weirdly paced because at the beginning of s8 both are in happy relationships with other people and there's no jealousy (which is good, because at least they weren't toxic) and they seem just friends (when Robin leaves Nick to go see him in the middle of the night, she implies that she would do it for any of her friends), but after Ted breaks up with Veronica because of Robin everything is weirdly coated in this sort of tension between the two: first Ted loves her, but she doesn't, so when he helps her by taking her to Barney's proposal ("which means my best bro in the world has given me his blessing"). 

And, by the way, every time they try to paint Ted as the guy that comes through for Robin after this moment, they dumb down Barney's character. And still fail to make Ted a better guy than him (see: the carousel in Central Park). 

Yes, Robin and Ted have some chemistry, but it is nothing compared to what Robin and Barney have. Every time Robin is jealous of Barney, it doesn't seem like a stupid whim, just because some other child is playing with her toys (except, perhaps, during The Robin). Robin and Barney's relationship would need a whole other post, and the next time I rewatch the series I will write down all the things that make them perfect for each other, but, to me, the biggest difference between the two relationships is this: in season 6, when she's not dating either one of them, Ted accuses Robin of never making him feel needed while they were together, whereas Barney praises her for it. Those are elective affinities: that's what Barney and Robin have, and what Tracy and Ted have. 

Barney and Robin have more or less the same arc: they both get over their fear of commitment and they do that with each other. Time and time again, we are told that if they're ever going to settle down, it would only be with the other. The first time they break up is honestly so stupid, and even when they are broken up, they are the best of friends, which also makes Robin's behaviour in the finale look so stupid. The way the two of them fit together is unparalleled, both in a romantic and a platonic way. 

Think about it: Robin makes Barney a better man, while she makes Ted a worse one. 

Also, the whole point that there are different seasons in life for everything gets thrown out the window: apparently, Ted and Robin (that were a couple that ultimately worked in their young twenties) are the same people in their forties.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that the two final episodes butcher Robin's arc as well: episode 23 starts with Lily saying "I want this girl to be in our lives" and we know Robin never made other friends outside of the gang, because she didn't need to, and now she walks away from everything because of fucking Ted?? This is saying "hey, Robin was only in the group for Ted, who brought her in, and now she leaves because he's not her puppy anymore". Robin was the one that was eternally indecisive between Ted and Barney and you're telling me that three years and many many life experiences later, she's still not sure? 

The point of her story is learning how to get over her fear of commitment, learning how to be there for her friends (there's an entire episode dedicated to that, and it's the one where Lily's pregnant and we meet Robin's ex-best friend in Canada), and how to balance her job and her life. Also, the way her character is treated is un-feminist and un-progressive: she becomes Ted's consolation prize. She is passive throughout s9. She cannot, ultimately, win the modern-day struggle most women have and balance out career and love life, so her true life, her "happy chapter" begins after she has already accomplished everything she wanted to and she's free for Ted. She doesn't even go back to him, she just the prize the main character wanted for all his life and only got in the end because his wife died (ONE SCENE, people, ONE SCENE!). Also, this makes Tracy the "broodmare" that gives him the kids he wanted, and his "happy family" experience before he goes to be with his one true love. 

The mother

This. This makes me so mad. One whole season spent on building up Tracy's character, just for it to go to waste. It would have been so easy to screw her up, but she is hands down the best thing about s9. She's the perfect woman for Ted and the episode shot through her perspective is the sweetest. By the end, I liked her more than Robin and Lily. She was the perfect addition to their group, she fit together with them in a perfect way, and they show us the biggest moment of her and Ted's life... for what? To have her die in a few sentences? And I don't care if they shot a funeral scene, I don't care if the finale was supposed to be 40 minutes long, because, in the end, it wasn't. The scene where Ted meets her is the second most beautiful one (after Barney's proposal to Robin) and the climax of the whole show, but they ruin her... and for what? The chemistry Ted has with her, he has with no one. The joy she brings him, the way she understands him, is unlike any other. I am sure that one of the reasons they killed her off was the shock value and I hate it. 

I cannot stress this enough: Tracy makes Ted a better person. When he's with Robin, Ted is "the nice guy" in the most selfish and narcissistic version of the trope. When he's with Tracy, love comes easy to Ted. Also, the scenes between the two of them are arguably the best Ted scenes of the show.

The kids' reactions (ugh)

It's not really what they say- it's the way they say it. The end of HIMYM was not supposed to be funny, even though the show is a sitcom. It was supposed to be bittersweet and beautiful, because it's the end of an era, and the writers must have known that. So, Ted finishes telling his story, reveals to the audience that their now-beloved Tracy is dead, and the reaction is: "No, ahah, you totally have the hots for Aunt Robin" (their words, not mine). Like, what the actual fuck? I cringed when Penny said that. It's tasteless and not fun at all. Even if it has been six years... It's still your fucking mum, show a little bit of sadness at the thought of her. 

The reason the show ended this way

What makes me especially mad is that I know for a fact that the reason they went with this ending is that it was the original one, always intended for the show, from season 2 onwards. And, if you watch it right after s2, it makes sense. But if you consider the eight years that passed and the massive character development, then no, it's not the best possible one. So many things hadn't been decided yet back in s2, especially about Barney, Ted, and Robin, and I hate that they didn't dare to scrap their work. This ending probably had sentimental meaning to the writers, but authors have to do what's best for their characters, not themselves. It's like with GoT, in a way: I think that the authors were all too aware of the impact of HIMYM and didn't believe that their finale would live up to the expectations... which compelled them to make the worst decision possible?? Every single character is OOC during the episode. Oh, and Marshall and Lily moving in the last episode is a ripoff from Friends (or maybe a tribute? Idk). Anyway, I believe that the authors were too attached to their sentimental version of "what should have been" and didn't give the characters the endings they truly deserved.

"Life works this way" // "Life only moves forward"

Some people say that the show is realistic because that's how life works. But I call super-BS on that. That might be true, and yes, people do get sick and die (Max, Marshall's dad...) and life does go on. But then, you don't frame it the way they did. It's just bad storytelling if you do it like that. And the problem is not the structure of season 9, because the characters develop in that season. The problem isn't even the mother's death. The problem is Ted ending up with Robin because that's not life moving forward for him, that's him, doing the same thing he did in 2005, 25 (twenty-fucking-five) years before! 

In conclusion, this finale is incoherent and inconclusive, and not satisfying at all. The only character that gets a good ending is Marshall: why is that? What makes his ending great? It's the fact that his character arc is respected and he finally gets what he's been working towards for more than ten years.