#I also don’t understand how you’re gonna engage w books in such a way that you wouldn’t even acknowledge that that matters

[stuckinapril]

I would never trust a non Iraqi to give me a rundown of Iraqi history and how the US affected it tbh

[boyfriendgideon]

hi, i hope anons are ok! i love a lot of what you’ve had to say abt jason, especially his relationship w/ vigilantism, and i was curious what opinions you might have on David Graeber’s article on superheroes (called Super Position)? hope it’s okay to ask, and sorry i don’t provide a link (<- does not know how to link things). also understand if you don’t want to give ur opinions considering this is a subject that ppl argue over all the time, i’d just be really interested in what you think

hello!!! anons are totally fine always. thanks so much for reaching out! & i’m sorry for the delay, i only check my inbox every so often.

i’m assuming you’re referencing this article! i had never read it before, so this was my first time being exposed to it and i subsequently don’t have a well-formulated take yet so much as some preliminary thoughts! i’ve gone ahead and bulleted them below. i’m also aware that, since this is an older piece, there may be a breadth of pre-existing discourse and academic discussion about this, in which i’m not yet well versed, so i invite anyone (especially my dc mutuals) to chime in or send me their own thoughts. okay. here goes!

i think graeber is correct to comment on how superhero media is often reacting to the current sociopolitical climate. it’s well documented that following 9/11, many superheroes were written as militarized in ways they had not been previously, and seeing that as accidental ignores the fact that everyone in the writers’ and editors’ rooms for these comics is influenced by the world in which they’re living and often respond to that world within their work. this can be intentional or accidental, and it’s not a binary thing, either — writers can seek to intentionally respond to a current issue (think of the after-school-special style comic books written in the 80s and 90s) and also replicate unconscious bias that they’ve internalized through their experiences in a white supremacist, cisnormative, ableist, heteropatriarchal society.

additionally, in some senses many comic books have always been reactionary. superman was created by two jewish men in response to the global rise of fascism and nazism and there were panels where he specifically took down hitler. superhero comic books depict worlds parallel to our own, with various kinds of inequality and injustice portrayed and philosophical questions posed that are similar to some of the ones we chew on in our day-to-day lives. it’s another medium enabling us to confront difficult situations and ideas from a safe distance.

i specifically roll my eyes at the use of freudian psychology as a legitimate basis for analysis, and i also acknowledge that freud’s “psychology” was far more based in literary analysis and criticism than it ever was in scientific engagement with the human mind, so i understand graeber’s use of it here. it just pisses me off which is my own thing to feel and deal with as someone who hates freud and heard too much about him in one of my english classes this past year.

a lot of graeber’s points about the creation of laws and morality were really really interesting. i think on their own some of them are very well worded. i think he slightly half-assed the transition to discussing comics again though, i’m not gonna lie.

i think graeber also missed a really good moment in analyzing the role of individual moral codes in superhero media. batman’s self-imposed code against killing, for example, is not solely put in place due to outside influences. it’s also something bruce believes in for better or for worse given that (when he’s written well) he’s a big believer in the ability of people to change and improve. what’s often unfortunate about batman is that he’s not consistently written to be aware of systemic factors that influence or destroy people’s abilities to truly be able to choose. a frequent critique of batman is that he beats up on people in poverty — while this is often frustrating to hear since, narratively speaking, bruce wayne is funding most of gotham’s social services himself, the point about bruce and his class divide is in some ways a valid one. this is why i find the fact that several members of the batfamily are working class to be so fascinating; if written well, there is a lot of potential for bruce’s weak points to be addressed and critiqued. alas. anyways back to the point. bruce imposes this code on others with a well-known inflexibility. yet he does follow it himself. many dc superheroes have similar personal code structures, and they do not usually consider themselves above them.

graeber describes superheroes to have a “parasitical” relationship with villains in the way that cops do with criminals. i have complicated feelings about this statement, partially because it displays an understanding of policing that i view as partially incomplete. systems of policing don’t just somewhat rely on crime to exist — they require crime, and if no such “crime” exists, they create it. modern policing exists to protect property and enable the status quo; the (capitalist) status quo requires inequity to exist, as well as a good/bad binary. even if the societal conditions that create most of what are considered crimes were properly addressed and people were cared for sufficiently, the existence of policing REQUIRES that some be subjugated and labeled illegal in order to justify its continuance. i think graeber understands this, and that he’s pointing to how superheroes need crime to fight, but the parasite imagery sort of ignores this requirement and the way that policing creates “crime”. a parasite flits from food source to food source, draining it until it’s dry. the police force creates more supposed crime to prey upon. that doesn’t feel like quite the same. but (back to superheroes) without villains, there isn’t a story that looks the same, i’ll give him that.

wrt graeber’s analysis of the nolan batman movies, i will admit that i haven’t seen any of those movies in actual ages. i don’t think i can respond to that analysis except to say that i think some narratives in all batman media are fundamentally flawed from a political standpoint and it doesn’t surprise me if those are replicated or furthered in some of the movie adaptations by other rich people who are out of touch w how the world works. lol.

also (and this has less to do with the article itself and more to do with what it made me think about) i think it’s important to acknowledge that the relationship most superheroes have with the policing and carceral systems is an inherently conservative one. the question of what should be done with those who have committed crimes is rarely interrogated beyond the handing off of the villain of the week to the cops, who supposedly are equivalent to justice. this false equivalency is partially because it is “easier” for writers to end the story there and restart the cyclical story than to actually reckon with the systems that they are imitating and recreating uncritically in their work. the relationship of the superhero and the cop is a cornerstone of the genre — in many cases, it is the cop who is seen as the legitimate face of justice, and the relationship between the two is an enabling one. examining the roots of the policing system requires a different story be told entirely and it is not a story i have seen in many comics as of yet.

i love graeber’s point about how anarchists are villainized. i think it’s incredibly true and that the way media affects our perceptions of our lived realities is hugely important w this. many people don’t understand anarchism because they’ve only seen representations of them that double as anti-anarchist propaganda and are repelled from the getgo.

i also really like where he talks about how constituent/collective power hasn’t been accurately represented in superhero universes. i think we’ve seen some (perhaps feeble) attempts since he wrote the article but that on the whole it holds up.

i hope this was at least an interesting response if not a thorough one! happy to revisit the piece further if you have specific parts you’d like me to look at/respond to or follow up questions about any of my thoughts. thanks for sharing the piece!

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[rpmemesbyarat]

Someone at one of the boards I write at wanted to know if we had any advice or pointers about RP, and I got to thinking. I’ve been RPing fifteen years so it’s definitely a thing I have thoughts and opinions and tips on. I don’t mean to posit myself as the all-knowing expert whose standards you have to meet, but these are some things I think are genuinely helpful for a RPers to keep in mind no matter how long they’ve been writing. But also, just my opinions! SHARE THE SPOTLIGHT This is the biggest, first and foremost. RP is a two-way street, and I think the bulk of RP sins all trace back to people not understanding this and thinking that their character is the “main” character and everyone else is just an NPC in their story. This takes a ton of variations, with commonly seen ones being insisting that other characters act OOC for their sake (your character should fall in love with mine despite the fact they just met, your character should bully mine so I can be the victim in a hurt/comfort drama even if that’s totally unlike them to do that, your official-head-of-something character should bend the rules for mine because they’re just that special, etc.), needing to be the center of attention (the character who ALWAYS limps into the room having just suffered some terrible tragedy and needing immediate help, the character who always saves the day in such a way that the others weren’t even needed, etc.), or the character whose writer just can’t stop reminding everyone at all times how tragic/beautiful/powerful/helpless/witty/skilled/etc they are. This can go in opposite directions—the helpless character who always needs to be saved vs the all-powerful character who saves the day every time all on their own—but it comes from the same mentality, that their character is the star and everyone must revolve around them. This isn’t to say you can’t have RP arcs that “star” your character and are devoted to their story/development, or that your character can never be the hero, or never need to be saved, or any of that. That’s NOT what I’m saying. I’m talking about the person who does it EVERY time, often to the detriment of the story, derailing the plot, or showing up someone else’s cool moment to get the attention back on their own muse. If you’re gonna do that, just write your own fiction. DON’T DO PASSIVE STARTERS Something I see repeatedly in RP, whether it’s at a board or on Tumblr or on Discord, are starters where the character is just…sitting there. They’re studying in their room, or chilling at a coffee house, or just standing around at a party, or overlooking the ocean from a beachside balcony, or brooding silently in the corner… …and not making any move to interact with anyone around them. It’s on the shoulders of the person replying to have their character make the first move and find some reason to walk up to them and engage with them. A starter is meant to begin an interaction, so if the second person is starting that interaction, why even bother with the starter you made? Starters where your character is just passively waiting for someone are not usually good starters, and that’s a big reason, in my opinion, why people usually don’t reply to a starter, because they’re stuck looking for a reason WHY their character would just walk up to this person and begin an interaction. My solution to this is, if it’s a planned starter, talk to the person you’re starting it for and try to work something out. For instance, let’s say the starter is going to be at a party. Ask your partner “hey, could it be a costume party?” and ask if their character might be dressed as a character from a show/movie/book that your character really likes—that gives your guy a reason to walk up to theirs and begin a conversation about that thing, and there’s your first post right there! A much more active starter! If it’s an open, it can be a little more difficult, but still doable. For instance, in one open I did, I wrote that my girl walked in and spoke to whatever person was nearest; she was carrying a basket of Halloween decorations and she asked said person help her decorate the place. I did not specify who the person was, so whoever replied could decide if it was their character or not, but it was “active” in that she gave my partner something to respond and react to, rather than if she had just, say, quietly come in by herself without greeting anyone or doing anything. Obviously this might not work with characters who are shy or antisocial, but if you’re the one who decided to play that kind of character, it’s up to YOU to find ways to get them engaged; it’s not fair to make everyone else do it for you. For instance, I write a villain who is NOT a friendly person like my decorations, but I had him immediately address another person in one open by creating a situation where he’d have reason to do so, and would be stuck interacting with them for his own survival/gain. MAKE YOUR CHARACTER REALISTICALLY APPROACHABLE. This often goes hand in hand with passive starters; not only will the character not be engaging anyone around them, they will in fact be in situations giving signals that actively DISCOURAGE engagement. For instance, if someone is sitting in their bedroom, it’s entirely weird for anyone to come in that ISN’T their sibling or roommate. In a Discord college RP, one guy wrote his character going home and walking into his house and had that be an open…no one played any of his family members, so I’m not sure what he expected, that someone from school would just be waiting inside his house? There are also lots of situations where people are around, but realistically are not going to speak to you. Having your character studying in the library, sitting on the subway, or at a table in a restaurant are all common starter types I’ve seen…and all of them are situations where it’s extremely unlikely someone would engage you, unless it was an absolute emergency or they completely lacked any understanding of social norms. And if that’s the case for the character you planned it with, go ahead, you’re good. But if it’s not, or it’s an open, ask yourself—”If someone else made this open, how could my character realistically respond to it?” And if you have a hard time, change things to make it easier for the other player and their muse. This also applies to muses who are hard to approach regardless of the situation. People who are shy, or antisocial, or just for whatever reason do NOT want to engage with others. Those characters are great and I’m not saying not to play them, I play lots of people like that. But you shouldn’t expect other people to have to PRY an interaction out of them, and I see people do that—they write their cool loner or shy wallflower brooding in the corner, and if someone actually DOES walk up and talk to them, the character keeps pushing them away. It relies entirely on the other character just having to be that desperate to talk to them for some reason. And again, some characters will be, like I write a perky cheerful friendly girl who definitely WOULD pull someone out of their corner and into the party…but don’t RELY on other people doing that. Instead, try to find ways to make your character have to be engaged, instead of other people making them. See my villain example again. My villain doesn’t normally like to talk to anyone unless he’s giving an order or has something to gain, but I found a reason he would for him. To use another example, there’s a very grumpy guarded girl that I write, she doesn’t trust people or like them to begin with, and I put her on a subway car, aka one of the examples I gave about places where people realistically aren’t going to talk to you. No one talks to each other on subway cars, unless you already know each other; people will think you’re really weird, probably mentally ill and/or begging for something, if you do. So, how did I make it work? Well, I started the thread with just her and a few other people in the car. One of these people was a large man acting in an extremely threatening manner, pacing the car and muttering hostile things and occasionally shouting at the other passengers. It was in NYC, that shit happens. She kept her head down and ignored it, as most people would do, but when he singled her out and began to get her face, she confronted him back and stood her ground. I got things just to the boiling point, then had the subway doors open to let a new passenger in. Whoever stepped in would be walking immediately into a conflict, in a closed-off situation they couldn’t get out of once the doors shut again, and they would have to react to it in some way. If their character was the type to get involved immediately, great. If their character was the type not to, that’s also fine, because I could have the big scary guy turn his attention to them, basically dragging them into it. Either way, my open created a situation to REACT to, instead of just hoping the other person would do it, and it created a situation where interaction could realistically occur, even though it was in a setting when normally it would not. Btw speaking of that—”my muse bumps into yours on the street/in the hall/etc” is rarely a good idea for this reason. What do you think people normally do when they bump into each other? They say sorry, maybe help the other person pick up something they dropped, and go on their way. It’d be very odd if I bumped into someone and they tried to make an entire conversation out of it. Likewise it’d just be completely bizarre to, say, join someone you DON’T KNOW at their cafe table, etc. You can make these work but, as with the subway situation, you MUST get more creative to make a reason why it would work. “YES, AND” OR “NO, BUT” Okay, you got your interaction started, how do you keep it going? Well, there’s this rule in improv theatre for how to keep a scene going, and it’s that all your responses to your acting partners should be “yes, and” or “no, but” What this means is, whatever reply your character makes, it has to give the other character some hook to continue the interaction. Here are some examples. BAD Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Yes. GOOD Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Yes, and can we grab some pizza on the way? Joe doesn’t just agree to do the thing, he gives Sally something to reply to and keep the conversation going. And he could do this even if he DIDN’T want to go to the skating rink! BAD: Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No. Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No, but I was thinking, do you like the aquarium, how about that? Basically, whether he’s responding yes or no, he’s not closing the conversation. Of course, you do not ACTUALLY have to use the phrases “yes, and” or “no, but” just do stuff that will give the other person something to answer. Here are more good examples: Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Yes, I loved skating as a kid, but I haven’t been able to do it in years, so I might make a fool of myself! Promise not to laugh? Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Yeah, that would be great! It’ll be my first time. Do you skate a lot? Can you help me? Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Hell yeah, I’m the skatemaster! Prepare to eat my rink-dust! Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No, I hurt my ankle last Saturday, it’s a…long story. Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No, and listen, Sally? I think you’ve really misinterpreted our relationship. We’re co-workers, and I think that’s what we should stay. Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No, I’m sorry, my mom is sick and there’s just…so much shit going on. I don’t know what I’m going to do if this keeps up. Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Are you serious?! That’s what you’re thinking of at a time like this?! I can’t believe you! Some of these are positive, negative, angry, happy, sad, competitive, but they all keep the conversation going better than a “closed” response does. I hope this helps folks! Feel free to add tips of your own in reblogs!

[ultimate-cinephile]

Can I PLEASE request some Viktor Licht fluff!! I'm completely obsessed with this little weirdo and cannot get enough 💕 I loved your kissing headcanon's btw

You 100% can! I've been wanting someone to request for a month now. Tysm Nonnie!!

And I'm glad you enjoyed them! Also, I had no idea what to do for a plot, so I decided to do this again seeing as how I had a lot of fun with Joker's.

VIKTOR LICHT FLUFF ALPHABET

A- Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

He definitely admires that you don't judge him for anything. You completely understand that he's devoted to his mission (and you of course, but you didn't hear that from me) and you understand why he does what he does, and he absolutely adores it.

B- Baby (Do they want a family? Why or why not?)

In truth, I don't think he thinks about having a family much. He most definitely wouldn't mind having one in the long run (especially with you), but you'd have to be the one to bring it up.

C- Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Viktor loves spooning. By the time he goes to bed, you're usually asleep, so he crashes into bed next to you and pulls your back to his chest and he just sort of curling you because he's that tall. It's quite comfortable for the both of you.

D- Dates (What are dates with them like?)

It takes Viktor awhile to get used to the idea of dates. His idea of a date was just two people spending time together. So for awhile, you two just sat in his office while he worked. Then he did some research (watched some romance movies with maki and iris; he r e a l l y liked The Proposal) and decided to take you out on a proper date.

This being said, dates with Viktor are usually a spur of the moment thing and happen when you both have time, but they almost always open you up to a new experience and they're always fun. Sometimes you do something crazy like going to a casino for no reason and sometimes you do something peaceful like just walking around the city and sight-seeing and window shopping and all that cool jazz.

E- Everything (You are my ___; e.g. my life, my world)

"You are my reason for everything. You remind me everyday why I do what I do. Thank you."

F- Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

It was just after Company 8 finished an Infernal. You had slipped away from the rest of the group and Viktor, being the curious boi he is, went after you. He found you comforting a crying child.

It turns out that the kid's parent had been the one to turn Infernal, and you refused to leave their side until they we laughing and smiling again.

Something about that made his heart melt.

He had no idea what was going on and later googled his symptoms (after consulting any sort of reliable medical book/website he could find) and nearly had a heart attack when he found out what it was.

G- Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how so?)

Viktor isn't really a rough man. It's just his nature (I want to make fun of him for being a pacifist, but I can't because I'm one D:<).

Anyways, he isn't overly gentle with you either. He knows that you're more than capable of handling certain things by yourself and he's happy to let you do those things, but if he sees you struggling, he won't hesitate to help you out.

H- Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He's very fond of linking pinkies. He's not a fan of PDA, but that doesn't make him uncomfortable and he likes holding you in some way. Though if he gets jealous, he wraps an arm around your waist (more on that later though).

I- Impression (What was their first impression?)

Well, since you are a part of the Fire Force (sorry to just assign you a role like this) he naturally thought you were a bit reckless, running into fires like that, but he can't really judge since he kinda did the same thing.

J- Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Oh, he does. He's much better at hiding it than Joker. Licht is very rarely intimidating, and the man cannot glare to save his life. A telltale sign that he's jealous is that he gets more affectionate in front of others. He'll wrap his arm around your waist and pull your back into his chest while resting his chin on the top of your head.

K- Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Even though they're an expression of friendship, he adores eskimo kisses (when he can bend down to your height) or he likes gently kissing the top of your forehead.

Even though kisses with Licht are usually short-lived, they always communicate how much you mean to him and the words that he so often can't find to say himself.

You 100% had to initiate the first kiss. He was staying up late to work on something and you had to go to sleep or else you'd pass out on the floor so in your tired stupor you gave him a quick good-night peck to the lips.

He did not get any work done the rest of the night.

L- Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Surprisingly??? Viktor.

Just before he goes to the Haijima lab with Shinra (i'm waiting on the dub, but i sWEAR IF THEY KILL HIM-), you run up to him and kiss him.

"I swear to Sol, Licht, if you die there, I'm gonna kill you. I love you too much to loose you."

Shinra probably had to slap him cause Viktor.exe had crashed.

M- Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

You and him were watching the Sound of Music, and you, being a dork, pulled him to his feet and started dancing around the room with him. Both of you fell back on your bed, laughing like a couple of idiots.

N- Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Sometimes. He buys you stuff a lot, and sometimes if he's out in town and he sees something he knows that you'd like, he'll 100% get it for you. He loves seeing you happy and he's more than willing to spare a dollar or two to see you smile.

O- Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

Red. The first time you two had a proper conversation, you had accidentally cut your finger while cutting up something for dinner. He offered to help you after he saw you cursing yourself and wrapping your injured finger in a bandage.

P- Pet Names (What pet names do they use?)

I feel like Viktor isn't big on pet names but he sometimes calls you 'love'.

Q- Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

Okay so, this is gonna sound weird, but he has a genuine fountain pen that belonged to some famous writer. He's quite proud of it.

R- Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

He loves to work on rainy days. He loves it if you sit there and watch him or if you sit in his lap. If you manage to drag him away, he'll do anything with you. Sometimes, just for the heck of it, he takes you outside and you two just walk around with an umbrella shielding you from becoming drenched.

S- Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Viktor just stirs his problems into coffee. He has no idea how to solve his own problems, so he has no idea what he's doing if he comforts you. He usually just lets you cry and rant and scream until you feel better. He'll hold you in his lap if you want. He has no idea what to do, please help him.

T- Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Viktor will gladly talk about his research or if you manage to get him to watch something with you, he'll geek out about that with you. It's so cute watching him freak out about the ending to Rogue One, it isn't even funny.

U- Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

A nice, hot cup of coffee or tea and you

V- Vaunt (What do they like to show off?)

His fountain pen, you, sometimes his research

W- Wedding (Where, when, and how do they propose?)

It takes him awhile to even consider marriage. Honestly? It takes him long enough that you propose!

It was on a leap day, since that's traditionally the day a woman can propose, you had a nice ring in your back pocket. You tried seven times in one day to propose, but every time you got ready to pop the question, something would come along and you had to wait a minute.

Eventually you just got fed up with going through reports so you asked Licht then. He thought you were kidding when he said yes, but then you chucked a box and his head and he'd never been more happy for a mix-up in his life.

X- Xylophone (What’s their song?)

I know it doesn't ask for a relationship song, but the only song coming to mind right now is The Reason by Hoobastank.

Y- Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

As I said before, he doesn't really think about it until after you get engaged. After that though, he admires the ring with a smile as he counts down the days until you're married.

Z- Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Well, animals are uncommon, but once Vulcan showed him a picture of a gerbil. He has no idea what it is, but he wants one.

okay! that's it! i hope you enjoy it Nonnie!

[deus-ex-knoxina]

I had a fever dream where Dan and Andrew were adoptive siblings and now that’s all I want to read about

[image ID: an anon ask reading ‘(for the record was using fever dream as a hyperbole I’m ok)’ /end image ID]

first of all i’m glad you’re ok!

second of all oh my god. ohhhhhhhhh my god. this is so BRILLIANT

dan and andrew are so similar but like... so different at the same time? like they both have their People who they stick with, and they’re very >:( about anyone hurting Their People (andrew’s obvious, but like remember when dan got super pissed at kevin because of the whole wymack-is-kevin’s-dad thing?)

more on that note, dan cares more about her own wellbeing (when she slammed that one raven guy in the crotch i gained three years on my lifespan--at least i think that’s what happened i haven’t read the books in a hot moment but she used her shoes right? god. badass) than andrew does and my guess is that it’s HARD EARNED.

there is so much more under the cut i rlly love this idea

as adoptive siblings, i think they’d take a long time to warm up to each other. i feel like they’d both have this instinct to like, ally and cling to each other (since we know that’s a thing they both do at psu) but fight it because they’ve also learned to Not trust other people.

andrew doesn’t have the protective twin reason to pack bond w dan that he does with aaron, and pretty much everyone else in the series has to fight for andrew to actually care about them.

dan, on the other hand, is also probably pretty self-sufficient at this time and maybe not super enthused by the concept of having other people who she might need to take care of/take responsibility for. so like why would she bond with this younger boy who’s made it very clear he doesn’t need or want anyone

at the same time, though, they don’t really clash. they’re just content to leave each other alone and i think that would eventually translate into this sense of ‘they do their thing and i do mine, and we’ve been set in this pattern for long enough that i pretty much trust this is how it’s gonna be and they’re not going to do a 180 and hurt me, we just leave each other in peace’

and i think they would stay in that pattern forever, if not for some Moment™ that would make both of their protective instincts pop out (probably like, of another person, not of each other), and then they’d look at each other like >.> we’re not so different you and i........

side note wouldn’t a superhero au crime fighting vigilante duo of dan and andrew be so cool like that’s the vibe i get from them

anyway i think if dan and andrew met earlier in life they’d get each other more. by the time that they’re both at psu their experiences have diverged a LOT, and they also get somewhat different treatment at psu.

oh wow now i’m thinking about how dan would change the dynamic of the cousins right after tilda’s death? like obviously she wouldn’t like luther and maria and i think that when nicky turns up she’d clock that his relationship with his parents is total shit. i feel like dan and andrew and aaron would all like, appreciate nicky turning up, and i can’t decide if dan at this point would be better at verbalizing it than andrew and aaron or not

she’d be a couple years ahead of them in school though so she’d probably be like, ABOUT to leave for college and be glad andrew has people with him

okay. now IN college. for the sake of simplicity i’m gonna assume pretty much everything else goes the same, so they’re all at psu and andrew, nicky, and aaron turn up when dan’s a junior.

dan doesn’t know nicky and aaron very well since like, she’s been at college and nicky especially has been busy working in the brief periods of time she’s been home over breaks (and aaron’s not that sociable), but she knows andrew’s decided to keep them so that means they’re hers by proxy too.

that combined with renee and andrew doing the exact same thing of >.> we’re not so different you and i means that andrew, at least, is pretty locked in with the upperclassmen and that means he’s dragging aaron and nicky with him. (and since dan knows andrew already she can confer with wymack on like, how to deal with him, basically, since we know wymack bargains with andrew to get him to Do Shit)

i do think andrew would still take renee and matt to eden’s (not dan he already vetted her) but he’d be more open w dan about the reason for taking matt. i don’t think she’d be happy at all with how he decided to address it but she’d understand his reasoning.

and i think andrew decides that if his group is going to be with the upperclassmen, he’s going to have to do something about seth and his habit of being loudly homophobic

when kevin arrives, the foxes aren’t a *team* the way the trojans or even the ravens are, but they know how to exist in the same space with a minimum of violence, and most of them are all set to close ranks against this annoying newcomer who keeps insulting them (until andrew adopts him and is like no you all have to tolerate him now)

andrew and dan definitely argue like siblings and they argue a LOT about neil when he arrives, because they both clock all his lying but andrew deems him a threat and dan deems him a victim (and they’re both right. so like)

neil doesn’t really have to fix the team but he does still plunge himself into fixing andrew and aaron’s relationship. i feel like even though andrew has a less dysfunctional sibling-y relationship w dan that wouldn’t affect him making a deal with aaron because his relationship w dan is fundamentally different--they both came to it from a place of not needing help and that places it a little more in the same category as andrew’s relationship with nicky. bc andrew always makes deals with people he feels he needs to take care of/protect. so dan doesn’t have a deal but aaron does.

however it does mean neil’s job is a little easier because dan knew andrew before the whole tilda thing so he talks to her a lot

i also feel like dan would be emboldened to like... engage more w andrew in the context of sports so after they win a game she always runs over to the goal (or the bench or abby’s office wherever andrew happens to be) and is like celebrate with us and andrew’s like :| and dan’s like fuck you celebrate with us you’re an essential part of the team, and that usually works

and i think that despite both of them knowing the other one doesn’t need *protection*, what are they gonna do, just not protect people? they’re dan and andrew it’s what they do. not only do they recognize each other’s lowest points, they CARE.

and it’s not just low points! they also both recognize how the other is healing/growing at psu and are quietly glad. i don’t think they’d be like, vocal about it, but they both know, and that’s what counts.

[yikesola]

Hiii!! I couldn’t resist and read all the spoilers you posted lmao 😂😂 thank you for posting them!!! But as you’ve finished the book- do you think there was a lot of juicy dan stuff in it? He kept saying there would be but I saw some perhaps questionable anons on some other accounts saying that it was all stuff we’d know already. What are your thoughts?

So I’m bundling these just bc it’s easier lol hope this helps!

It’s not a memoir, he didn’t get into salacious deets— but it’s not a wellness brochure promising a little yoga and celery and deep breathing will magically cure you either. he was personable and chaotic :’)

There were definitely moments he bared his soul, but it wasn’t an exclusive tabloid scoop, if that makes sense. It wasn’t “you won’t believe who Dan’s been sending nudes to” and “this relative said a ~slur~🤭” and “top five youtubers dan will NEVER collab with again!”

And the therapies/exercises were semi-familiar to me but explained in such a helpful way that like ,, I might actually effectively use them. Like instead of my therapist saying “just pay attention to your body when it tenses” and me saying “..okay?”

I also can’t praise enough that I think it’s so appropriately paced for what is immediate concerns (coming down from a panic attack) to turning point concerns (exiting a depressive episode) to long term concerns (meds and lifestyle and non-linear healing)

He wasn’t lying about the number of Easter eggs which us in the know ,, will know akdjf but I also think the general public will find it so damn helpful for what it is

there was A Lot about financial insecurity, which we like /knew/ about his upbringing and student loans and moving to london broke, but it just really put into context for me that like ,, until tabinof they were living off ramen and still not making rent :( which idk I knew they moved as a risk but then I assumed working for the bbc paid Something! It gave really good context for their work work work anxiety ;__; and it stopped any like “poor little rich boy” the mean corners of my mind would’ve wanted to pull forth, in a similar way to when he’d mention “and I’m British so I know I’m privileged to have health care, and I’m a white guy so I’m given systematic advantages in that way, other people will have additional hurdles and that simply isn’t fair” which was always a nice reality check

there was a bit about the canceled Philippine ii show which we all at the time assumed was a customs issue, and it kinda was but it was even Bigger than we thought, like all the stage equipment was detailed and the crew and them were detained and they couldn’t talk about it publicly and dan went into problem solving mode while Phil and the crew panicked and he admits like ,, he could’ve just panicked with them. It was a very panic-worthy moment, there was nothing HE could do to solve the problem! :( like I don’t want to say the Asian phannies who traveled very far specifically for that show had no right to be upset by the last minute change, I’m saying dnp don’t do things flippantly or callously and this is a really large scale example of how some things are simply out of their hands

he talked about making online friends on guild wars and how hard that is to make those specific friends but he did what we all do: scream at people and hope they like us lol and some of them did, some were weird, some ghosted him, and he’s got some he talks to all the time and who love him and check up on him and it reminded me so much of how us dumb phannies are and I hope he understands he and Phil have given us that :’’)

There was a lot of anecdotes that like the examples above we ~knew~ about, but now there’s a clearer and more human picture 🥺 stuff about his dad and about his “gonna get out of this small town!” compartmentalization and about his many many visits w doctors and therapists til he found the right ones, and so much more. It wasn’t necessarily brand new stuff he was offering unless Dan is new to you — what he gave was “Daniel and Depression: Extended Edition” and “Basically I’m Gay: Extended Edition” woven between genuinely digestible mental health exercises and contextual validation. Which makes sense, this isn’t a book Just for us, it’s gotta be accessible to more than his core audience, and saying things like “juicy” and “tea” might be kind of just promo language depending on what you’re looking for when he says something like that. But :’) I found it really satisfying. And it’s okay if you don’t, but I hope you do or at least helpful/enjoyable/interesting on whatever level you end up engaging with the text

It was good ;__; It wasn’t the big tell-all memoir I’m counting on him releasing for free as a pdf in 45 years, sure, but it was still very intimate and personable and Very Dan between the techniques and terminology ✨

[kolachess]

DMBJ 2010 Nangongling Interview Translated

I’ve finally (poorly) translated the infamous Nangongling interview with Nanpai Sanshu (aka Xu Lei, author of DMBJ)! 

This is where that famous quote, ‘My lifetime, in exchange for you a decade of innocence and purity’ comes from. More on that here.

Interview Context: First off, in case you don’t already know, NPSS started DMBJ off as a fanfiction. And more on that here. Hence, his style of engagement with fans will be much more direct and why he’s very... knowing of the fandom world. And why the interview does not hesitate to ask about pingxie.

This interview seems to have been conducted somewhere on the internet in 2010 or nearing it. Although I couldn’t find more confirmation on its ‘authenticity’ so to speak, I also haven’t seen anything to the contrary that this might be made up. (Chinese internet is a strange, strange place...)

Here’s the version I’m basing this off of.

Translation Context:

Ok first, I’m a native Chinese speaker, but grew up in the US and not fluent in reading / writing. I am not at all familiar with a lot of idioms, let alone internet slang and pop culture references (of which there are a lot in this interiew), so there will be a lot of guessing. Anyone who knows better, free free to point it out.

Text Legend:

Parenthesis indicate actions / reactions. E.g. (smiles awkwardly)

[TN: ...] are my notes

[??? some words ???] indicate major uncertainty in translations

== or =w= and such symbols are emojis from the interviewer

Original text sometimes had random forward slashes in between what seems should be one word / term. My guess is it might be to skirt censorship?

Names Context:

They use a lot of different ways to refer to the various characters and NPSS

The interviewer calls NPSS ‘Your Majesty’ or ‘Sanshu’ a lot. But Sanshu can also refer to Wu Sanxing... so it gets confusing a bit.

Zhang Qiling can be anything from Menyouping to Pingzi to Lao Meng to Meng... just... anytime there’s ‘Meng’ or ‘Ping’ or ‘Zhang’ it’s safe to assume they’re referring to ZQL.

Wu Xie is often just Wu Xie or Tianzhen

Nangongling is the name of the interviewer

Interviewer:

Interviewer: Your Majesty, come interview. After this, we’ve got to sleep.

NPSS: OK. Let’s go. Be gentle.

Interviewer: Oh Your Majesty, you’re so shy.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, is DMBJ ultimately a tragic or happy ending?

NPSS: For some, a tragedy. For some, a regular drama. For some, a comedy. For some, an absurdity.

Interviewer: That’s no different from not answering! ==

NPSS: But that’s the correct answer.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What’s the relationship between Tianzhen and ‘It’? Your Majesty, care to give a spoiler? ==

NPSS: No relationship. [TN: ‘No relationship’ and ‘No problem’ are the same phrase, hence the subsequent answer.]

Interviewer: Then go ahead and tell us. =w=

NPSS: No relationship.

Interviewer: … No relationship?

NPSS: Yup. No relationship.

Interviewer: … ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu about the plan for DMBJ, when might you finish it?

NPSS: 2010.

NPSS: The problem is…

Interviewer: What?

NPSS: There is an unexpected situation.

Interviewer: Don’t give us cliffhanger sentences. Just tell us. ==

NPSS: Maybe [??? Something about being possessed ???]. I might work on it till 2050.

Interviewer: Hey!

NPSS: It’s great.

Interviewer: Might as well make it a Gundam series. [TN: Gundam is referring to the Japanese anime series. I guess they’re making a joke about how he should turn it into a never ending universe / entire franchise.]

NPSS: Conan never grows up. Wu Xie will never get old either. [TN: Conan is referring to Detective Conan, another Japanese anime series.]

NPSS: Even when you all become old, Wu Xie in the book will still be pursuing the answer to all the mysteries.

Interviewer: And if it’s with Lao Meng forever mutually loving and caring, then we have no objections.

NPSS: Fifty years, Golden Wedding  [TN: Think he’s referring to Golden Wedding as the 50th anniversary].

Interviewer: Yes, yes. Don’t know if there will be a son. (Tea) (Silence) [TN: I guess the actions indicate ‘sipping tea awkwardly in silence’]

Interviewer: Alright, His Majesty has become shy. Let’s continue onto the next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what the Menyouping’s ending will be? Will he find his memories? Continue to live on? Your Majesty can’t because of Classmate 370 [TN: Rumors are this is NPSS’s classmate? Potential prototype for ZQL? See ref.] once scorned your [??? finger ???], you end up holding a grudge?

NPSS: Whether or not you can ‘fujoshi’ for 50 years is uncertain. [TN: Word is ‘fu’, which literal = ‘rotten’; but refers to fujoshi. AKA he’s questioning how long they’ll ship pingxie for.]

Interviewer: No worries. In the future, there will appear a lot of Li Yinhe grannies. [TN: Seems to refer to this LGBTQ activist.]

NPSS: Hands / feet have not fallen off, OK? [TN: I’m not sure what this is referring to lol. Maybe some play on the rotten nature of fujoshi.]

Interviewer: Hands / feet… the whole body?

NPSS: The meaning of ‘entirely not fallen off’ is ‘entirely not fallen off’. [TN: Idk I’m lost...]

Interviewer: … ==

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your resentment for 370 is too deep…

NPSS: Menyouping’s ending will definitely surprise you all. It’s definitely not something that can be conceptually considered at all.

Interviewer: Could it be that he really will be mutually loving and caring with Tianzhen? == It’s not in concept…

NPSS: Hn. That’s a nice thought. [TN: Tone reads a little like ‘ha, as if’.]

NPSS: Like, turn him into a woman or something. Or is it Wu Xie who turns into a woman?

NPSS: “Actually, I’m a flat-chested Mary Sue.” [TN: Lol, yes. They refer to Mary Sue omg.]

Interviewer: … hey now… == Speaking of Mary Sues, after Yun Cai is it Xiu Xiu? Your Majesty, you wouldn’t gift Yun Cai to Lao Meng, and Xiu Xiu to Wu Xie, right? ==

NPSS: Maybe I’ll write Lily stories. [TN: I think Lily stories refers to femslash / stories between two females.]

NPSS: Don’t underestimate my pervertedness.

Interviewer: I’ve never underestimated it… (serious)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what Sanshu’s current weight is? Are you losing weight? Hahahah (Hands akimbo)

NPSS: Now it’s probably a little less than 200 jin. [TN: ~220 pounds.] I’m always in the middle of losing weight, but fat really likes me.

Interviewer: Your Majesty, you should continue to make effort to cosplay Pangzi.

NPSS: I think I will exceed Pangzi’s category soon, cosplay a huge monster instead.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: When will the DMBJ movie be released? Who will play Pingzi? To be honest, I don't want to watch. ==

NPSS: Probably around 2015. I don’t know. Hope it’s not [??? black people ???]. [TN: Yeah that’s what it says, but idk if it’s a reference to type of personalities or it actually is referring to skin color. Wouldn’t surprise me if it were a racist remark. China, sigh.]

Interviewer: Could it be there really will be a movie?

NPSS: Probably.

Interviewer: In America?

NPSS: I can’t say I understand / know Hollywood’s situation.

Interviewer: So it’s America… (Tears running) Too tragic!

NPSS: Hei Xiaoge [TN: Lol I think he’s saying a black young lad] is also not bad.

Interviewer: No! No! No!

NPSS: A-ning has already been designated the female lead by a foreign scriptwriter.

Interviewer: Oooh ~~~ We don’t want to see ghosts ~~~ [TN: Idk what this expression is…]

NPSS: Little D might be able to accept. [TN: Idk who Little D is… might just be a slang way of writing ‘little brother’, in which case, I still don’t know if that’s referring to himself or someone else.]

Interviewer: I guess he will squeak along with me. [TN: Again… I’m lost.] Nope cannot anymore. Next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will there be romance?

NPSS: [??? Eloquent love ???] will have porn scenes.

Interviewer: … who and who?

NPSS: Not sure yet. One party should not be human.

Interviewer: Heavy tastes, Your Majesty.

NPSS: Tentacles.

Interviewer: …… Your Majesty, are you playing some XXOO games recently? [TN: I’m just gonna assume some hentai shit here.]

NPSS: Nope. Haven’t played in a long time. Got any good suggestions?

Interviewer: [??? The imperial doctor has ghost glasses ???] [TN: Guess it’s the title?] Try it (rubs hands).

NPSS: I’m currently still holding out strong.

Interviewer: Gee… what a pity.

NPSS: You can train your boyfriend.

Interviewer: He’s already very calm.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Pingzi is so good to Wu Xie, any particular reason? I mean deep underlying reason? For example, knowing the truth about Wu Xie’s life / existence or something. Or being entrusted by Wu Xie’s family or something. Or he thinks he’s brought Wu Xie harm and wants to redeem himself or something.

NPSS: Just doesn’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Huh? What?

NPSS: Don’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Disturb what?

NPSS: Tianzhen Wu Xie [TN: Remember, this means ‘innocent, naive, and pure’]. The prompt is very deep now. [TN: Sounds like he’s saying he’s given a deep hint now.]

Interviewer: Oh (Actually someone who doesn’t really understand). [TN: GLAD I’M NOT ALONE! IT’S NOT A TRANSLATION ISSUE!]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Are there new Lunar New Year Celebratory Extras this year? [TN: NPSS writes occasional extras, and often will publish on special occasions like Lunar New Year.]

NPSS: 2010’s publishing work was too heavy. Can’t celebrate. I even wrote the outline already.

Interviewer: That’s such a pity. What about Tibetan Sea Flower. I’m still waiting for the lama that has JQ with Lao Meng. [TN: They use the term JQ here… seems like slang for something like bromance.]

NPSS: Ah little living Buddha… probably can’t write. [TN: Yeah idk what that really means…] Due to religious issues, living Buddha’s chrysanthemum is very sensitive. Huge crawling creatures will come and bombard. [TN: IDK BUT CHRYSANTHEMUMS ARE OFTEN EUPHEMISMS FOR THE ANUS AND GAY BUTT SEX SO IDK.]

Interviewer: Hey… ==

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Interviewer: Qinling Sacred Tree arc was too mysterious. Will Sanshu later be connected to the Sacred Tree? If so, how will you do it? I think DMBJ is not as thrilling / exciting as before. Can you still return to that previous style?

NPSS: There are no plans at present to connect Qinling. I need to settle Meng first. The core of what’s being written is his business. The excitement of DMBJ is not found in the novel but in the heart of the reader. The reader will upgrade / improve while reading.

Interviewer: Is that so… (Eats late night food) [TN: Idk what this expression means.]

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Interviewer: Will you still publish new books and dig new plot holes? == Besides this official vest of Nanpai Sanshu, do you have anything else? Like diving party? == [TN: Yeah idk what that means…]

NPSS: Doesn’t returning to the original style of writing offer you some thrilling / excitement? Your heart has already upgraded, it’s just that the novel is still like that.

Interviewer: Heart! ==||| [TN: Yes, this is another face lol]

NPSS: There’s still some more. Like Nangongling. [TN: Name of the interviewer, but I have no idea what this means.]

Interviewer: The watch drags me underwater. [TN: I got nothing *shrugs*.]

NPSS: Actually are we answering our own questions?

Interviewer: Haha, fun right?

NPSS: Indeed. Could it be a split personality? Never thought my hidden personality is a Fujoshi. Tragedy.

Interviewer: Hey I didn’t say my hidden personality was a perverted uncle yet. (Two bored idiots stare in silence for a few seconds) 

Interviewer: Enough. Next.

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Interviewer: Pingzi’s age… is it ‘uncle’ or ‘grandpa’? Anyway, I know it’s not ‘brother’. [TN: They’re referring to which generation basically.]

NPSS: Taizu Grandfather [TN: Basically hella old… great-great-great-great-great-grandfather?]

Interviewer: Wow… paleontology relic?

NPSS: Age must be in the triple digits.

Interviewer: Old monster! I like it! Just afraid that next to Tianzhen, he seems younger (talking to self)

NPSS: Tianzhen is even older. Quadruple digits.

Interviewer: Really is younger? ==

NPSS: They all end up in the museum display.

Interviewer: Does it cost anything to visit? Museums are now free / open to visit.

NPSS: After hour events charge fees. There are special programs, but the TV station will not allow them to be broadcasted.

Interviewer: Strip tease / dancing?

NPSS: No. It’s the old monster [TN: Probably referring to ZQL]  performing Xiangsheng [TN: Some Chinese duo comedy schtick]. Xie Ling [TN: I think this is Wu Xie + Zhang Qiling?] social / not-famous Xiangsheng actors.

Interviewer: Looks like it will be Two-Person Turn Opera [TN: Idk if there is an English term for this… but another type of skit it seems.]

NPSS: Wear the dancing shoes. [TN: I think it’s just this?]

Interviewer: … It’s so cold… Your Majesty…

NPSS: Zhang Wenling, Wu Wenxie [TN: Lol I guess this would be their comedy stage names. It’s extra / intentionally stupid because all he did was insert ‘wen’ which means ‘literature’.]

Interviewer: Enough… Don’t worry about this anymore. I’m gonna move onto the next question.

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Interviewer: Is Wu Xie the most tragic character in the entire novel? Is it inevitable that, between him and Pingzi, one of them will have to die in the end?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s fate as the most tragic is a set tragedy, but Lao Zhang doesn’t have it easy either.

Interviewer: And then?

NPSS: Delayed the inevitable tragedy.

Interviewer: And then they encountered tragedy together?

NPSS: Using [his] own lifetime to exchange you another decade of innocence and purity.

Interviewer: … (wailing) (too stunned) Lao Meng [??? became the Virgin Mary???] (smashes wall)

NPSS: I also want to get a cult.

Interviewer: Does Lao Meng really not have a crush on Tianzhen? It can’t continue like this. DMBJ is still a serious / proper drama after all.

NPSS: Nah. It’s serious / proper.

Interviewer: But what you said is crooked.

NPSS: Alright. Then let’s put it this way.

Interviewer: How?

NPSS: Comrade Zhang Qiling sacrificed his own time to save and prevent the disillusionment of a youth who was about to go astray. [TN: Yeah… not too sure about the implications of this.]

Interviewer: …. Your Majesty, you [??? use soulmates ???] [TN: I’m really not sure about this… context and definitions I found seems to indicate it’s a soulmate like thing, but also used kind of queerbaity?]

NPSS: I’ve been working real closely with soulmate recently.

Interviewer: We can tell. Next question. Best leave some room for free thought.

NPSS: It’d be fine if you just don’t post it.

Interviewer: This is iron proof of JQ! [TN: Again, some internet slang for bromance / malexmale CPs or something.]

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Interviewer: Are all the incomprehensible things that happened so far man-made? Or will it be explained by the supernatural?

NPSS: There’s nothing incomprehensible.

Interviewer: Probably in reference to Qinling.

NPSS: Oh. Doesn’t that count as a spoiler?

Interviewer: … then let’s skip again. Actually, I thought you already forgot about Qinling.

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Interviewer: What is Pangzi’s little secret?

NPSS: Xiao Pang’s [TN: Little Fat’s] tragic past.

Interviewer: What… Pangzi is also quite tragic.

NPSS: Probably a ‘fought with his best friend over a woman and was hurt very badly’ kind of relationship.  Pangzi had a very simple but tragic love.

Interviewer: Sad…. == You really can’t tell…

NPSS: A woman he promised to take care of for a lifetime and a brother he can’t help but save.

Interviewer: Pangzi has sublimed (victory fist] [TN: I assume ‘sublime’, which literally means converting from solid directly to gas, is just representative of a massive promotion or rise into awesomeness.]

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Interviewer: I’m always thinking of Ershu’s mysterious air. Does he know a lot of things that others don’t? I also want to know what Wu Xie’s dad does.

NPSS: [??? Location scouting ???]

Interviewer: Ershu?

NPSS: He knows some.

Interviewer: Then what about his dad.

NPSS: Location scouting. Totally innocent. Just like Jesus’s old man.

Interviewer: What kind analogy is that… == Next.

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Interviewer: Hey Sanshu, on Dec 9, 2009 at 02:58 in the morning I dreamt of you. Did you dream of me? …. == Your Majesty, your fans [TN: Yeah idk.]

NPSS: That night I seem to have pulled an all-nighter. I wouldn’t mind dreaming again tonight.

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Interviewer: Will Pingzi eventually return to being a normal human? Live on from the age of 18? Has he had a lover / children before? Yun Cai? Is Pangzi the boss or the person coming to supervise the boss (Tianzhen)?

Interviewer: Lao Meng… I’ve long since been speechless towards him. By the way, was he always this kind of stone in the latrine? [TN: I guess a saying about how he’s stuffy and expressionless per usual.]

NPSS: No. It used to be really bad.

Interviewer: …How bad…

NPSS: Like a Tibetan horse. [TN: Lol this is the literal translation but when I Googled it, Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho came up and hahaha I guess it kind of makes sense as an analogy?]

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your definition of really bad is Kurama’s level huh…= =|| So he wasn’t born latrine stone… [TN: Ok, so background on Kurama - an infamous fox demon thief escaped into the body of a newborn child because his spirit was weakened after being hunted, and so he cohabits the body with this boy… I’m not entirely sure of the reference jousting here.]

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Interviewer: What happens to Pangzi in the end?

NPSS: Dies of old age.

Interviewer: How mundane!

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Interviewer: We want to know when DMBJ 7 will be finished?

NPSS: 3/15-20 complete.

Interviewer: (Recommends to everyone not to believe… ==)

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Interviewer: Sanshu, will someone die at the end of DMBJ? (Alright I only care about MengMeng and Tianzhen and believe Pangzi will definitely not be killed off). Also, just how many volumes will there be?

Interviewer: How many die, I also want to know. [TN: Lol they also use the counter word not for humans, but… something else?].

NPSS: There will be someone half-dead. Because it’s a grave-robbing novel, dying completely will never happen. A-ning died and still comes around often, right? [TN: Lol I’m not entirely sure what this is in reference to… first part he’s making a joke that people can become zombies, but second part… I don’t really recall A-ning coming back? Unless he means in mentions? Then again I’m still making my way through the novels.] Just that you go from hero to villain. I still haven’t decided how many to kill off. Anyways for the last volume, with the exception of Wu Xie, [??? anyone can be killed ???].

Interviewer:  …Just kill everyone why don’t you; it’s easier. (self-destruct) ==

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Interviewer: May we ask Sanshu, will Pingzi have emotional drama in the future?

NPSS: No. No time / effort for that, and communication skills are limited.

Interviewer: Ahaha….

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Interviewer: Normally, will Sanshu come check out our Tieba? [TN: Kind of like Chinese reddit I believe?] Do you know the Warm Fox? [TN: I did a quick search, seems like a big fandom name that interprets a lot of the DMBJ stuff.]

NPSS: Don’t know.

Interviewer: As expected…

NPSS: It’s your husband?

Interviewer: Hey don’t involve me in everything. (Flips table)

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Interviewer: Just out of personal interest… I really want to know if Xie Lianhuan likes Wenjin?

NPSS: Uh, yes. Very much so.

Interviewer: Then what about Wu Sanxing?

NPSS: Also likes her.

Interviewer: So it turns out to be a crime of passion… (awakened)

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Interviewer: Is Yun Cai just an inconsequential character? Those Huo family Forbidden Ladies won’t have some sort of emotional development with Pingxie, right? [TN: It does say Huo family Forbidden Ladies… I guess they might be referring to Huo Xiu Xiu, but not sure why there’s multiple. Also, recall that the Forbidden Lady is that tomb creature.]

NPSS: Huo family really did become Forbidden Lady professional household [TN: Maybe like a ‘firm’?]. Yun Cai’s ending is also quite tragic.

Interviewer: Indeed. If transmigrating, don’t transmigrate into DMBJ. [TN: Transmigrate is the common c-drama trope where someone in modern times / average suddenly wakes up in the body of some one in the past or something.] Female beings all have no good outcome.

NPSS: If you’ve already died once, then there’s no need to be afraid.

Interviewer: Oh yeah, will that pink-shirt show face again? (Xlaugh) [TN: Idk this expression, but I think pink-shirt is referring to Xiaohua.]

NPSS: Yes. [??? Young Lord of Solutions ???] Grave-Robbing Prince.

Interviewer: Ahhhhh~~great~~~ >///<~~ The Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???], right? … Then Xiao Hei [TN: Hei Xiazi / Hei Yanjing] also has a role?

NPSS: Yup.

Interviewer: The descendants of the Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???] are nine golden men? =w=

NPSS: One isn’t. 8 men. 1 woman.

Interviewer: The female is Huo family Forbidden Lady, right?

NPSS: Yup. Counting her.

Interviewer: So that means Tianzhen still has 7 in his harem… Damn, catching up to Cracked Pot’s bunch of shiny guardians. [TN: Idk what that is in reference to.]

NPSS: Cracked Pot? What’s that? [TN: Yay I’m not the only one!]

Interviewer: Cough Cough. Your Majesty, you don’t need to know.

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Interviewer: Will Sanshu come to Nanning for an autograph session?

NPSS: Nanning? Need a Nanning bookstore to invite me.

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Interviewer: If we may ask Lao San [TN: Still referring to NPSS], from Wu Xie’s (or Pangzi’s) perspective, where does Menyouping stand? Just a ‘person who stands on our side’? [TN: Refers to when ZQL told them he was a person on their side.]

NPSS: Now it should be like a son’s role / part.

Interviewer: What? Son? ==

NPSS: A very promising son.

Interviewer: Is Wu Xie having the ‘My son has grown up’ old mother mentality?

NPSS: Not really. More like, my son has bad memory or something.

Interviewer: Wu Xie he is indeed [??? person wife ???] [TN: Uh... term used was 人\妻 which when Googled had the first link to pornhub lol. But I think the slang used is actually this.]

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Interviewer: In Sanshu’s day to day, how often does you use code words? Or is it scrunching your feet and thinking on it for a month or two before coming up with something? [TN: I think they’re referring to Sanshu as in NPSS and not Wu Sanxing Sanshu?]

NPSS: It’s usually simultaneously [??? buckling ???] and eating and typing.

Interviewer: Does it taste good?

NPSS: Often get stomachaches.

Interviewer: …Very toxic huh…

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Interviewer: Can you fill the bit plothole of Sanshu’s storytelling? Your Majesty, do you have any filled pits? == (Hides face)

NPSS: I promised my father I would fill them before he turns 70. 

NPSS: [??? New Year’s Eve pieces ???]

Interviewer: How old is his esteemed Majesty’s father?

NPSS: 60.

Interviewer: …. (speechless)

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Interviewer: What kind of person is Wu Xie’s mother?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s mother is probably a strong / great woman.

Interviewer: I think so too.

NPSS: Beautiful but strict and fierce, which is why Dad is rather pathetic / a good-for-nothing.

Interviewer: Queens are great. Queens usually marry good-for-nothings. [TN: The ‘queen’ here is literally ‘female king’, so more implies a female ruler.] ==

Interviewer: In the end, did Wu Xie inherit his dad’s genes?

NPSS: Wu Xie also has a very dark personality.

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NPSS: I’m nearly at my limit…

Interviewer: Same here… (sleepy)

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Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, if excluding psychological factors, in terms of human nature, do you think Pingxie is suitable?

NPSS: I think, the two of them together. Neither can earn money. Parents on both side would not agree.

Interviewer: Can it not be one steals and the other sells stolen goods?

NPSS: At the very least, Wu Xie needs to get admitted to a civil service position. [TN: These are stable job positions lol]

Interviewer: Looks like Lao Meng eats soft rice! [TN: A saying that refers to men who lives off of women lol. Basically that the woman supports the man instead of the expected vice versa.]

NPSS: And also will need to buy a house in Hangzhou.

Interviewer: … Too realistic… == [TN: Lol no joke this is exactly how couples get ‘permission’ to marry each other by the families… Hangzhou housing prices are not cheap either. I was born there and visit often… those prices have gone uuuuuuup.]

(And the two are dozing off)

NPSS: Let’s end it. I can’t hold on anymore.

Interviewer: Ok…

(The physically / mentally exhausted two rolled off to sleep, interview unfinished… ==)

~ End Interview

Whew that was a long ride. NPSS is such a troll lol... 😅I don’t know nearly enough Chinese slang / internet speak to parse this properly, but the general gist is there.

[aphrodisians]

◜     choi  yerim  ,  ciswoman  ,  twenty .     ◞     ┈     through     her     all     -     seeing     crystal     ball,     [     𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳     ]     has     her     winking     eye     trained     on     hestia     jones.     the     ever - enigmatic     fifth     year     is     infamous     for     her     righteous     ways,     but     something     new     seems     to     be     weighing     our     resident     au     courant     down.     a     rumor     is     spreading     through     these     ancient     halls     like     fiendfyre,     &     even     their     erudite     face     can't     save     them     from     the     flames.     she     can     try     to     drown     out     their     sorrows     to     the     tune     of     goddess,     but     xana     can't     fix     everything     ⏤     much     less     something     as     grim     as     [     𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳     ].     but     ten     points     to     ravenclaw     for     trying.

hey  besties <3  i’m  cc  &  i’m  super  excited  2  be  here!  i’m  writing  your  local  hater,  hestia  jones,  who  i’ve  actually  never  written  before  but  i’m  really  excited  for  her.  anywhomstdve,  i’d  love  to  plot  w  all  of  you  &  i’m  ecstatic  for  this!

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐚𝐞𝐬����𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬.⠀ ⠀

an  accidental  crack  of  a  book  spine  that  echoes  throughout  an  otherwise  silent  library,  never  letting  anything  pass  you  by  –  never  letting  yourself  be  unaware,  unwelcome  surprises  that  you  greet  with  flushed  cheeks  and  clenched  fists,  a  collection  of  skirts  stolen  from  a  mother  that  has  seemed  to  have  forgotten  you,  bruises  forming  next  to  the  scrapes  on  almost - broken  knees,  passing  tears  off  as  just  ‘my  eyes  are  sweating’  &  heavy,  heavy,  bags  underneath  eyes  that  just  never  seem  to  sleep.

⠀ ﹟𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲

birth  name.    jeong  hyun - ae nickname(s)  /  alias(es).    hestia  jones. preferred  name.    hestia  jones,  only  hyun - ae  to  family  +  very  close  friends age  +  dob.    twenty  +  dec.  23 hometown.    belfast,  ireland blood  status.    half  -  blood house.    ravenclaw activities.    fifth  year  prefect,  ravenclaw  chaser,  chess  +  duelling label.    au  courant  –    aware  of  what  is  going  on;  well  informed ethnicity.    korean nationality.    irish gender.    cis  woman pronouns.    she  +  her face  claim.    choi  yerim

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝.⠀ ⠀

height.    five  feet,  seven  inches  /  170cm tattoos.    none piercings.    earlobes  only scars.    a  two  cm  line  that  lays  horizontally  above  her  left  eyebrow  from  falling  off  her  broomstick  during  her  third  year  at  hogwarts hair.    never  dyed,  meticulously  taken  care  of  but  rarely  styled.  naturally  falls  straight  and  is  often  left  down eyes.    round  and  dark,  accompanied  often  by  dark  bags  underneath  and  an  absence  of  makeup usual  expression.    stressed.  just  like,  if  you  look  at  her  you  can  tell  she’s  going  through  it  (  and  has  been  for  like  the  past  three  years  ),,,  she  needs a  break  but  she  will  not  be  getting  one  <3 distinguishing  features.    cheeks  that  always  seem  to  be  flushed  a  rosy  hue  of  pink,  bags  underneath  her  eyes  that  are  haphazardly  covered  with  fake  glasses or  makeup,  brown  -  hued  hair  that  just  always  falls  correctly

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀

( + )  positive.    erudite,  bluestocking,  intuitive,  heedful ( - ) negative.    righteous,  hubristic,  zealous,  moralistic natal  chart.    triple  capricorn,  pour  one  out mbti.    istj  -  a,  investigator moral  alignment.    neutral  good godly  parent.    athena languages  spoken.    korean  +  english likes.    quiet  -  the  kind  of quiet  that  comes  only  in  the  early  hours  of  the  morning  +  in  restricted  access  zones  where  it’s  close  to  silence  (  but  not  quite  ),  victory  in  all  forms,  feeling  appreciated  tbh,  sleeping  but  genuinely  hasn’t  gotten  a  good  night  of  sleep  in  years,  the  color  yellow,  scarves  that  are  long  enough  to  wrap  her  entire  head  <3,  being  a  hater dislikes.    attention  (  though  she  is  overjoyed  /  obsessed  with  winning  ),  losing  -  a  notoriously  sore  loser,  being  out  of  control  in  any  situation  -  even  if  she  can  have  no  humanly  control  over  it,  nail  polish  (  because  she  bites  her  nails  :/  ),  actually  reading  i’ll  be  honest,  staircases quirks.    as  mentioned  above,  bites  her  nails  often,  doodles  when  stressed  (  which  is  all  the  time  )  -  is  halfway  decent  at  it  too  thanks  to  all  of  the  practice,  can  fall  asleep  in  two  seconds  if  given  the  opportunity,  taps  her  foot  a  lot hobbies.    being  a  hater,  being  obnoxious  enough  to  have  attention  (  aka  dramatic  )  n  then  having  the  audacity  to  complain  about  the  stress

⠀ ﹟𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫

when  he  meets  your  mother,  he  tells  you  it’s  like  the  world  stopped  turning.  she  was  enchanting,  he  says,  like  a  rose  blooming  in  the  dead  of  winter,  a  blossom  of  red  among  a  blanket  of  white  -  and  he  swears  that  he  has  never  loved  anyone  more.  their  romance  is  swift,  a  bouquet  of  flowers  traded  for  an  engagement  ring  and  a  passionate  kiss  exchanged  for  the  start  of  a  family.  your  father  never  says  anything  bad  about  your  mother,  raising  you  on  his  own  with  a  faint  line  on  his  ring  finger.  she  will  be  back  soon,  he  says  with  glazed  eyes  and  love-flushed  cheeks  that  you  seem  to  inherit.  she  will  come  back  soon,  he  tucks  you  in  with  a  faraway  look  on  his  features  and  you  realize  with  a  ceiling  full  of  glow-in-the-dark  stars  that  he  isn’t  okay.  but,  you  hold  his  hand  when  crossing  the  streets  with  you  leading  and  you  let  him  dawdle  about  your  mother  and  you  pat  the  top  of  his  head  when  he  falls  asleep  waiting  for  your  mother.  she’ll  be  back,  he  says,  unaware  that  she  only  visits  when  he’s  not  around.  she  will  come  back  soon,  he  waits  for  her,  a  stranger  in  his  own  body.

you  yearn  for  control  the  way  your  peers  yearn  for  freedom.  freedom,  you  have  enough  of,  but  everything  in  your  life  is  just  out  of  reach.  for  your  entire  childhood,  you  grasp  at  everything  and  nothing,  your  fingers  brushing  past  the  things  you  desire  most.  you  are  a  young  girl  with  magic  in  your  blood,  but  you  watch  from  the  end  of  your  driveway  as  life  seems  to  spin  so  wildly  out  of  control.  your  father  isn’t  okay,  but  you  don’t  understand  why.  your  mother  comes  around  wearing  guilt  like  one  wears  a  birthmark  and  you  can’t  fathom  why.  you  are  left  alone  on  playgrounds  and  with  scrapes  on  your  knees  and  people  whisper  about  you  but  you  don’t  understand  why.  life  goes  on  with  or  without  you,  and  you  think  it  unacceptable.  it’s  infuriating  being  in  the  backseat,  unable  to  control,  unable  to  know.  when  a letter  falls  into  your  hands,  you  swear  to  use  it  to  your  advantage.  you  refuse  to  ever  be  in  the  dark  again.

you  arrive  on  your  own,  a  year  older  than  your  peers,  a  sheltered  girl  from  a  muggle  world  and  you  look  around,  determined  to  change  your  life.  it’s  obvious  to  anyone  early  on  that  you’re  a  bright  girl,  ambition  tied  into  your  intelligence,  potential  pouring  over  every  single  one  of  your  edges.  for  a  while,  it  comes  easily.  you  know  things,  you  understand  things;  most  of  all,  you  learn  how  terribly  things  can  go  wrong.  you  swear  to  never  let  that  happen  to  you,  but  of  course,  life  has  bigger  plans  for  you.  the  first  few  years  fly  by  quick  and  your  hands  build  up  a  reputation  that  you’re  eager  to  upkeep.  you  wipe  the  sweat  off  of  your  palms  onto  your  skirts,  you  might  use  magic  to  make  sure  your  hair  always  looks  good,  you  always  know  the  latest  news,  you  always  pass  your  classes.  then,  you  go  home  during  your  third  year  to  an  empty  house  and  your  father  is gone.

when  you  return  after  the  winter  holidays,  it’s  obvious  that  something  is  -  wrong,  but  you  do  your  thing  and  you  pretend  everything  is  okay.  your  mother  in  all  of  her  magic  and  love  writes  you  a  letter,  telling  you  that  you’ll  be  in  her  care  and  that  only  stresses  you  out  more,  giving  you  gray  hair  and  bags  underneath  your  eyes  that  never  seem  to  away  from  that  point  on.  every  blink  is  heavier  now,  every  sliver  of  information  repeated  as  least  three  more  times,  everything  you  learn  adds  a  little  more  weight  to  your  shoulders.  but  you  soldier  on.  you  become  more  and  more  high  strung,  more  sharp,  more  wretched  with  stress  that  shouldn’t  be  yours  to  shoulder.  you  are  still  an  intelligent  girl,  still  a  bright  witch,  still  gleaming  with  potential;  but  you  almost  permanently  look  like  you’ve  been  handled  an  impossible  task  and  worse,  you  wear  your  flushed  cheeks  almost  as  your  father  did,  a  fact  that  you  dislike  whenever  you  see  yourself  in  the  mirror.

⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

⠀ ⠀  ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ has  a relatively  tough  exterior,  but  wow,  words  hurt  and  hestia  is  a  lot  more  sensitive  than  she  cares  to  admit.  say  one  off  thing  about  her  and  she’ll  be  all  “i  can’t  stand  it  here!”  and  storm  off  angrily,  but  she’s  really  just  gonna  go  cry  in  the  owlery  and  talk  to  the  owls  as  if  they  can  understand  her  through  her  snot  bubbles.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ is  this  genius  of  a  witch,  right,  but  is  the  messiest  person  ever.  her  area  in  her  dorm  is  just  .  .  .  yeah,  it’s  messy.  she  comes  to  the  library,  throws  seven  books  down,  loses  ten  pages  of  notes;  is  disorganized  and  completely  messy,  but  at  least  she  always  looks  put  together.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ coming  right  off  of  the  last  one,  because  she  cares  most  about  her  image  +  her  reputation  than  she  does  anything  else,  mostly  because  it’s  all  that  she  thinks  she  has.  so,  yeah,  she  may  be  consistently  stressed  out  and  on  the  brink  of  a  breakdown,  but  at  least  she  looks  GOOD.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ her  style  is  a  little   .  .  .  amateur,  if  i’m  being  honest. very  season  one  rachel  berry.  always  looks  in  uniform  even  if  she’s  out  of  uniform  and  it’s  because  she  has  no  personality  than  being  a  ravenclaw  prefect  idk  what  you  want  me  to  tell  you.  she  has  never  been  normal  once.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ i  laugh  and  kid,  but  she’s  genuinely  a  genius.  might  have  a  bit  of  dyslexia,  but  is  just,,,  a  smart  kid.  also  makes  it  her  entire  personality  though,  so  i’m  not  sure  what  to  do  about  that.

 ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ also,  not  to  be  That  Girl  that’s  so  quirk  n  clumsy,  but  hestia  is  always  injured.  not  gravely,  but  a  scrape  on  her  knee,  a  cut  on  her  cheek,  tape  around  her  fingers,  etc.  etc.  she’s  a  problem,  to  say  the  least,  and  always  hastily  takes  care  of  herself  (  aka,  cleans  it,  leaves  it  ).

 ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ in  general,  is  a  hater,  but  is  so  STRESSED  from  having  a  #missing  father  that  she’s  just  like  :|  in  every  situation.  i  wouldn’t  call  her  awkward  per  se,  but  she  definitely  just  says  what  she  wants  when  she  wants  cause  there’s  “no  point  in  quieting  myself  for  someone’s  comfort”  idk?

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ in  MY  canon,  hestia  actually  conjures  up  a  fox  patronus,  but  it’s  non  corporeal  for  now  simply  because  she  literally  cannot  focus  long  enough  to  cast  the  charm  correctly  –  in  fact,  a  lot  of  her  magic  has  been  suffering  for  the  past  few  years  due  to  her  stress,  something  that  really  only  stresses  her  out  more  rip  in  pieces.

⠀ ﹟𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

academic  rival:   personally,  i’d  love  for  someone  who’s  just  naturally  good  at  academia  to  be  her  rival,  like  the  person  who  doesn’t  study  and  “doesn’t  care”  but  always  just  manages  to  beat  her  in  scores;  yeah,  i  think  that’d  be  fun  to  watch  her  spontaneously  combust.

significant  annoyance:  someone  who  really  just  is  the  person  to  tell  hestia  she’s  wound  up  too  tight  all  the  time  and  tries  to  get  her  to  live  her  life,  but  she  just  sees  them  as  someone  who’s  ANNOYING  HER  because  maybe  her  entire  life  is  being  uptight,  ever  think  of  that?  rabastan

quidditch  rival:  because  quidditch  is  really  the  only  time  she  lets  her  hair  down  per  se,  this  rivalry  is  more  friendly  than  it  is  serious like  the  academic  rival,  but  there’s  still  a  lot  of  trash  talk  involved  and  meet  ups  in  the  corridors  to  talk  shit  <3

best  friend:  the  one  person  who  she’s  like  .  .  .  super  grateful  for  because  they’re  always  there,  no  matter  what  she  goes  through  or  does  to  them  through  her  stress  induced  breakdowns.  you  know.  they’re  bffs  and  always  eat  together  and  spend  time  together  n  gossip  together.  eloise

tutee:  someone  that  either  hestia’s  offered  to  help  or  has  been  forced  to  help,  either  way,  she’s  as  strict  as  any  professor  and  takes  her  job  completely  seriously.  as  in,  will  approach  them  in  the  great  hall  and  ask  if  they’ve  done  the  work  they’re  supposed  to  do.

stress  reliever:  imagine  this  -  hestia  comes  up  to  your  muse  and  is  like  we  need  to  talk,  but  they  just  find  a  nice  seat  underneath  one  of  the  archways  and  talk  into  the  night,  they  make  hestia  laugh,  hestia  makes  them  laugh,  they  have  flushed  cheeks  by  the  end  of  it  and  she  doesn’t  speak  to  them  otherwise.  xenophilius 

their  biggest  anti:  ur  muse’s  #1  hater???  hestia  jones  <3  why?  probably  because  they’re  better  than  she  is  and  she’s  a  nightmare  of  a  person  so  it’s  just  her  being  their  biggest  anti,  probably  runs  a  hate  account  dedicated  toward  them  tbh  <3  rodolphus

The  Ex:  you  know.  the  ex.  didn’t  end  the  way  they  wanted  it  to  so  there’s  A  Lot  There.  longing  glances,  awkward  bumps,  lots  of  what-ifs  .  .  .  a  lot  of  sad  headcanons,  a  lot  of  wholesome  headcanons.  yeah

like  family:  just  someone  who  hestia  is  so  comfortable  with  that  it  feels  like  they’re  family.  and  by  family,  i  mean  like  the  kind  to  tackle  her  on  sight  just  for  fun,  the  sort  to  tease  her  and  make  everyone  believe  it’s  her  birthday.  you  know?

also  a  barely  filled  tag  here  n  anything  u  can  possibly  brainstorm  i’d  love  <3  thank  u  love  u 

[bluesockets]

HUGO WEIDERMANN ( HE/HIM ) is a CIS MALE, THIRTY-SEVEN year old THERAPIST & PSYCHIATRIST who has been living in Moorbrooke for TWO YEARS. They were born on MARCH 5 and right now, they are currently residing in REDGRAVE GROVE. It has been said that they look suspiciously like MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER and if they had to choose a song to describe themselves, they would choose HEAVY BALLOON by FIONA APPLE. ( ox, 21+, cst, he/him )

❮ it grows relentless like the teeth of a rat it's just got to keep on gnawing at me !! ❯ TW : ILLNESS, DRINKING MENT. !

full name : hugo weidermann. nicknames : he actually hates most derivatives of his name. calling him ‘huey’ is a one way ticket to getting your number blocked. pronouns : he/him. age : thirty-seven. date of birth : march 5, 1984. zodiac : pisces. gender : cis male. sexuality : gay. hometown : munich, germany. current residence : redgrave grove. languages spoken : german + english.

BIO !

—— hugo was born into a moderately wealthy family right in the middle of munich, germany. his parents pushed a lot of their #grindset on him and his baby sister. unfortunately for him, this meant a future of perfectionism and unrelenting gifted kid syndrome. he sacrificed a lot of his social needs for grades early in his life and after a while, it all became second nature. once in a blue moon he’d talk to his peers in scouting but he’d stutter, stumble over his words, and never quite found the right things to say. figuring himself a lost cause, he studied. he helped his mom with the garden. maybe occasionally played half life or duke nukem on the family computer. all of this dedication to perfection made him a shoe-in for harvard university, all the way over in the united states. his parents, father especially, encouraged the idea. that was all he needed to get himself on a plane to massachusetts. he was just glad his family could afford frequent flights back home, in case everything went to shit. —— when he first landed, hugo thought he’d only be in the states for school, but he ended up liking it a lot more than he thought he would. after finishing school and taking up a residency in downtown boston, he moved to new york. he made a good amount of money, was able to keep in touch with the few friends he met in college, and even secured a few long term relationships along the way. he hit his thirties and finally felt that he reached a point of contentment. this ... didn’t last long. —— right before he was able to buy his first house in the city he fell ill and, after seeing more doctors than he could count on both hands and feet, was diagnosed with lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. this wasn’t something he thought he was going to be able to handle by himself, so his sister came down from her home in germany to assist him with his daily needs. the two of them definitely couldn’t afford new york and medical bills on hugo’s salary alone, which led them to pack their bags and head to ( what his sister considered ) the next best option. moorbrooke, maine !! he wasn’t too stoked about this. he’d be leaving most of his support system behind and he knew absolutely nothing about the area, but his sister found a job there and it was a good place for him to start a private practice of his own. he’s still struggling over the loss of independence and the complete change from where he was in life before, but he’s coping ! after spending a lot of time inside and away from the people of moorbroke, he finally thinks he might be ready to actually make a life here. even if he wasn’t, his sister isn’t gonna move the two of them any time soon.

TIDBITS !

he’s a very nice dude and will totally engage with people, he just cannot bring himself to let his walls down. you really gotta know hugo well if you wanna have a conversation about anything serious without him deflecting the whole damn time.

his accent .... god rest his soul. he’s been living here for 20 years and sometimes people still need to take a second to understand him. especially when he drinks. two beers in and the man needs a translator.

speaking of drinking, he doesn’t do it often, and he can’t hold his liquor. i’d actually advise people to never give him alcohol. like, ever.

was on the rowing team in college. please don’t ask him about it. he’ll talk about it forever.

if it weren’t for his dog and his bees he’d be at rock bottom. outside of writing ( which i will get to in a jiffy ), beekeeping is his favorite hobby. ask him nicely and he might give you a jar of honey.

before coming down with lupus and RA he wrote two very boring books for psychiatrists and psychiatrists only. now that his focus has shifted away from his career a little bit, he’s in the middle of writing a poetry collection.

you will find this man at every bookstore in a 10 mile radius. he can’t be in the sun for too long so instead he likes to look at stuff he promises himself he won’t buy and then buys it anyway.

CONNECTIONS !

clients

he’s got fifteen clients on his caseload just to keep himself from losing his mind. he specializes in family, grief, trauma, and stress but doesn’t limit himself too much because of how small the town is. what i’m saying is : let hugo prescribe your characters drugs.

fellow beekeepers

he’s kept to himself a lot during his time in moorbrooke but his sister used to force him out at least some of the time. she drives him to beekeepers association events and conventions often enough, i would imagine it’d be a lot easier for him to talk to someone who shares the same niche hobby !! if your muse doesn’t keep bees, i’m always down for him to talk to some of the people who buy his honey at farmer’s markets.

former close friends

hugo met a lot of people ( particularly on harvard’s rowing team ) in college and during his stint in new york. i’m sure it’d be great for him to meet someone he knew up here because he’s honestly so tired of having to get used to new situations by himself.

flirtationship but hugo is oblivious the entire time

this guy is definitely the type to flirt with people on accident. i think it’d be really fuckin funny if he was flirting back and forth w someone he wasn’t consciously flirting with in the first place.

😏

listen the only thing i love playing out more slow burn self improvement and found family is romance. he’s been single since he was in new york and i think he deserves a little smooch. please dm me if your muse is also deserving of a little smooch.

etc, etc, etc !

there’s definitely more i want. i want everything you have to give me. however, if you’re in need of specifics, i would love to see : his doctors, people he can become friends with + let his walls down around, people he can teach german to, other authors, beta readers, and neighbors !

what am i missing. ah, yes.

pinterest / spotify [coming soon!]

[lesbeet]

Have you seen the latest discourse about if ADHD would exist under communism? I know you've talked about it before and I'm curious what your take is!

oy dfjlksjdf yes i’ve seen it, and as usual i think it’s a matter of people talking past each other more than anything else (at least from the posts i’ve seen)

i could be wrong, but my interpretation of the conversation is basically that the Communists (idk if this is even an accurate distinction bc i don’t necessarily think the “other side” is anticommunist? but ykwim) are trying to discuss the nature of “disorders”/disability in general, and how it’s a societal structure that designates people as either Able To Be Exploited By Capitalism or Unable To Be Exploited By Capitalism—in other words, if we took capitalism out of the equation and really examined what’s considered a disability vs what isn’t, it would seem like a pretty arbitrary line to draw. not because the underlying physical/neurological conditions would cease to exist, but because much of what is considered “abnormal” or “disordered” etc would not cause distress bc of a struggle to operate within the narrow and rigid confines of being “Normal” as determined by capitalism

the opposition, from what i’ve seen, seems to be, yes, less familiar with these ideas/maybe not as well-read on the topic, and are basically saying “okay, but even if a lot of my ‘symptoms’ wouldn’t cause me distress under capitalism, there are others that will—i’ll probably still struggle to feed myself, whether that’s bc i forget to eat, or i have trouble preparing food for myself, etc”

and then rather than trying to explain themselves further most of the Communists are like “under communism someone else can feed you <3 read a book <3″ which is....not at all helpful lmfao

like first off i think that’s such a bad-faith response to a bad-faith reading of these people’s concerns, and second, while nobody is obligated to educate other people etc etc, at a certain point i think that if you’re gonna make posts about stuff like this you’re kind of inviting a conversation, right? and it’s not really a conversation if the only people you’ll engage with in good faith are the ones who already agree with you.

i think the other side came across as defensive, certainly, but it’s not difficult to see where that comes from—people w adhd (among many many other things obviously, but this conversation seemed to be primarily about adhd) are used to being ignored or patronized or treated as if we don’t understand our own experiences, we’re told that our struggles don’t exist, etc. and it looked like a lot of the Communists have experienced/do experience the same thing in their real lives or whatever, so i’m not really sure why there’s such a lack of understanding and compassion on their part

so basically they’re talking about two different things. one side is saying that “people with adhd” (or, more broadly, “people with disabilities”) as a distinct category of people would not exist under communism, and the other side is saying “sure, but that doesn’t mean all of my adhd symptoms will magically disappear” and the first side is saying “but none of it will matter, dummies! you don’t understand communism!” which again, is not helpful!

and because they’re really talking about two different issues, i kind of agree and disagree with both sides. i’m fully on board with the idea that disability a distinction/class/etc would not exist under communism (ideally we’d have individualized medicine/care anyway imo), that adhd as a diagnosis wouldn’t be useful, and also that many adhd symptoms that can be completely debilitating in our current society would cause us significantly less distress, especially in our external lives

that being said....there is a neurological component to adhd which would still exist under communism. i’ll still probably struggle to have conversations without spacing out and/or taking over and not being able to get myself to shut up, which would still cause problems in my personal relationships with people. i would still probably struggle with organization and getting myself to do tasks which don’t interest me, etc. and even though i trust that the Communist Side is well aware of this, "someone else will do it!” seems like a ridiculous answer to me bc like...i have to assume that some level of personal responsibility will still exist lol

and i saw someone say "nobody's saying your individual symptoms wouldn't exist at all under communism" -- except i literally HAVE seen people say exactly that lmao

but anyways it's tough bc first of all, we were all raised in the same capitalist hellscape that made it purposely ultra difficult to imagine our lives without it, and second of all, despite knowing that there's not really a material basis for adhd as a distinct Disorder™, for a lot of people (myself included) even having the label makes a difference. like my life genuinely changed when i started looking into adhd and when i got the diagnosis and started taking meds etc, but mostly it was the sheer relief that there wasn't just something fundamentally and irreparably Wrong with me that meant i would have to slog through the rest of my life, struggling and unsatisfied with no recourse yknow?

and that can be dangerous because a lot of people don't exercise critical thinking like.... ever. but i feel like i understand myself well enough and know enough about adhd (at least based on the research currently out there) to be able to think through like, how my different symptoms manifest, how similar symptoms from other disorders i have manifest, how adhd in general affects the way i function, etc, which means it's slightly easier for me to parse like...what would still be a problem without capitalism and what wouldn't

so yeah like. without capitalism, adhd wouldn't exist, and while the biological basis for adhd WOULD still exist, there would (hopefully) be structures in place to manage or alleviate much of the distress that comes with those symptoms, which wouldn't be viewed as symptoms at all because they wouldn't be considered Disordered, yknow?

so like ultimately i agree w the Communist Side in this particular discussion (not shocking since i'm a communist lol) but i think the way the whole conversation has been approached is counterproductive and doesn't actually help people to understand what they're missing lol

[canadian-riddler]

GLaDOS and Wheatley Did Nothing Wrong – Sort of

 A recurring point of contention is the question of who engages in worse behaviour over the course of Portal 2, GLaDOS or Wheatley.  The true answer is: neither of them.  You can’t actually judge their behaviour along a scale of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ because of the way Aperture as an environment is set up.  It’s mostly explained during the Old Aperture sections of Portal 2, but it’s also hinted at in Portal 1.  The thing explained is this:

Aperture Laboratories does not and never has done its experiments within the normal boundaries of morality and ethics.  Therefore, GLaDOS and Wheatley’s behaviour is neither wrong nor right because they don’t know what morality and ethics are.  Their behaviour is actually a reflection of Cave Johnson’s own: to get what they want when they want it, no matter the cost.

How We Know Aperture is Immoral and Unethical

We know this because Cave Johnson himself points it out repeatedly.  

“[…] You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha.  All joking aside, that did happen – broke every bone in his legs. Tragic.  But informative.  Or so I’m told.”

“For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel.  In layman’s terms, that’s a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumours.  Now, maybe you don’t have any tumours.  Well, don’t worry.  If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren’t wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.”

“All these science spheres are made out of asbestos.  […] Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you’re thirty or older, you’re laughing.  Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries.  I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.”

“Bean counters said I couldn’t fire a man just for being in a wheelchair.  Did it anyway.  Ramps are expensive.”

That’s just some of what he says.  Almost all of Cave Johnson’s lines point out how much he doesn’t care about his employees, his test subjects, or… anything but that people do what he tells them to do. He’s so unethical and immoral that he eventually says about his best, most loyal employee:

“[…] I will say this – and I’m gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.  Now she’ll argue.  She’ll say she can’t.  She’s modest like that.  But you make her.”

Cave Johnson cares so much about getting the results he wants, everything else be damned, he thinks Caroline saying ‘she can’t’ is her being modest.  He can’t fathom why she would be against this decision, because he made it so of course that’s what she wants.  

This situation actually gets a little horrifying when you look at what the Lab Rat comic means to the general narrative.  In Portal 2, Doug Rattmann leaves this painting:

In this painting and the one preceding it, GLaDOS has no head, so we can guess that Doug was there in some capacity to witness Caroline’s fate because GLaDOS being headless would represent her not being ‘alive’, her being ‘incomplete’, or her just having never been used yet entirely.  The important thing we learn from this painting is that there are living witnesses to Caroline being inside of GLaDOS, so the people working at Aperture after this event know they put a human woman into a supercomputer. In the preceding painting,

the cores are on the chassis before the head is.  So either GLaDOS, the AI, was already ‘misbehaving’ and they were already regulating her behaviour, or Caroline, the person, was already ‘causing trouble’ beforehand and the scientists stood around thinking about how to force her to behave before they even put her in there.  Either way, Aperture’s ethical and moral standards are pretty much nonexistent, so when this happens:

it’s almost comical. None of the Aperture scientists have a conscience or, if they do, they constantly ignore it, but they for some reason expect the supercomputer their immoral selves built to have one and to understand what that is and what it’s for.  

All this taken into account, it’s incredibly easy to see why GLaDOS and Wheatley don’t care about anyone around them and all of their actions are solely for their own benefit. That’s how everyone in the history of Aperture has ever acted.  Cave Johnson didn’t care about morality or ethics; they got in the way of what he considered to be progress.  The people who built GLaDOS and Wheatley didn’t care about morality or ethics; they just wanted to hit their moon shot.  Even Doug, who is framed as our morally conflicted lens throughout Lab Rat and knows that Caroline is inside of GLaDOS, still talks about controlling her and sends Chell to kill her even though everyone inside of the facility except him is already dead.  How does he morally justify killing GLaDOS if he’s the only one left alive?  He can’t.  Doug Rattmann for some reason decides that GLaDOS killing everyone in the facility is worse than all the things Aperture has been doing throughout its entire history, including the fact that…

 Everyone Who Goes Into the Test Chambers Dies  

This is hinted at a few times in Portal 2:

“[…] I’m Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science – you might know us as a vital participant of the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. […] You might be asking yourself, ‘Cave, just how difficult are these tests?  What was in that phone book of a contract I signed?  Am I in danger?  Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.  […] Welcome to Aperture.  You’re here because we want the best, and you’re it.  Nope.  Couldn’t keep a straight face.”

Now, when you exit the tests in Old Aperture there are lines that go with them, but we must consider a few other things: firstly, that the tests are clean.  There is no sign of old gel on them, as though they have either never been used or never been completed.  Secondly, the tests in Old Aperture were being done with the Portable Quantum Tunnelling Device, which was this thing:

which, taking into account the missing – not dead, not injured, but missing – astronauts, seems to have barely worked, if indeed it did at all.  You can also find this sign:

which outright states that tons of people were ‘unexpected’ casualties.  After the hearings, Aperture moved on to recruiting test subjects from populations that people were unlikely to notice if they went missing: the homeless, the mentally ill, seniors, and orphaned children.  When that dried up, Cave moved onto the last group of people he hadn’t tapped yet:

“Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically.  Employee retention, however, has not.”

This was because the employees were ‘voluntold’ to go into the testing tracks which, since they’d been supervising the tests for so long, knew were deadly and obviously did not want to do:

It’s not clear why the employees at Aperture chose to remain there instead of just quitting and finding another job, but the comment about employee retention plus the numerous posters threatening to have their job replaced by robots if they didn’t volunteer for testing tells us both that they did choose to remain and that the only reason for them not wanting to volunteer was because they knew it would kill them.

Most of the above is based on conjecture; however, we see something very interesting during Test Chambers 18 and 19 in Portal 1:

In the case of Test Chamber 18, the craters on the walls.  None of the other test chambers have this, so it implies that not only does GLaDOS not control the test chambers at this point other than to reset them – which means that she isn’t purposely or maliciously killing anybody, but instead repeatedly operating a course set by her human supervisors – but that this one has never been solved.  Test Chamber 19 is less a test than a conveyor belt into the incinerator for Aperture to dispose of all the bodies.  GLaDOS even tells Chell to drop the portal gun off in an Equipment Recovery Annex that doesn’t exist, as though she’s giving a message that was intended for an actual final test that was never built because everyone was killed during or prior to Test Chamber 18.  With this kind of context, GLaDOS’s blasé attitude about killing test subjects en masse both makes total sense and is somewhat justifiable – just not by any moral or ethical standard.  In GLaDOS’s life, test subjects die during the experiments. That’s just how it is and has always been.  She doesn’t know you aren’t ‘supposed’ to kill people because her literal job involves watching people die.  Nothing matters except for the pursuit of progress, and in this vein GLaDOS’s behaviour is just an extension of that of the man who founded Aperture in the first place.  Cave Johnson, as a presumably well-rounded, somewhat educated man, knows what morality and ethics are and chooses to ignore them because he thinks they’re stupid and he’s above that kind of thing; GLaDOS, a living supercomputer who has had every aspect of her life tightly controlled and regulated, knows morality and ethics as yet another arbitrary set of rules only she is supposed to follow without any explanation as to why and therefore her rejection of them is not as much of a ‘bad’ choice as it first appears, which brings us to the next section:

 If GLaDOS’s Conscience Gives Her Morality, Does Deleting it Make Her a Bad Person?

Within the context we’re given… actually, no.  Here’s why:

“The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behaviour.  I’ve heard voices all my life.  But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it’s terrifying – because for the first time, it’s my voice.  I’m being serious, I think there’s something really wrong with me.”

From the information we’re given here, we know this: GLaDOS has been told nonstop what to do for the entirety of her existence.  She, in theory, got to have her own, solitary thoughts in the space between the wakeup scene and some point during her time in Old Aperture, which is a space of mere hours.  Let me reiterate: GLaDOS has been told what to think for her whole life.  She perhaps has a few free hours where she’s allowed to have her own thoughts.  And then she develops a conscience.  A voice that sounds like her, but isn’t saying anything she understands or has ever thought before.  A voice that, actually, says a lot of the same things as that annoying Morality Core she managed to shut up.  Now why would she wilfully be having the same kinds of thoughts as the humans forced her to have way back when?  The conscience, to GLaDOS, isn’t a pathway to becoming a better person.  It’s a different version of the same old accessory.  When she says,

“You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson.  I thought you were my greatest enemy.  When all along you were my best friend.  The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.”

she is directly talking about the fact that, while this voice sounds like hers, listening to it makes her feel nothing.  This further proves her theory that the conscience isn’t her, or hers, or has anything to do with her.  She’s never had it explained to her what a conscience is or what it’s for or why she needs one, and she’s certainly never had a reason to think about why she would even want one; to her, this ‘Caroline’ is the Morality Core 2.0.  A program built to regulate her behaviour. She’s tired of other peoples’ voices telling her what to think, so she does the logical thing: she gets rid of it. This decision can’t really be judged as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ merely based on the situation we’re provided.  She isn’t consciously and deliberately making the choice to be an immoral person; she’s actually consciously and deliberately making the choice to be her own person.      

 Where Does Wheatley Come In?

Wheatley has not been discussed up until now because, as AI, the reason for his lack of conscience and ethics is largely the same as GLaDOS’s.  He, like her, cares about nothing but his own goals and doesn’t think twice about causing harm or misery because that’s just the kind of environment they were built in.  We also know very little about his history, both because it’s not really mentioned and because Wheatley is an unreliable narrator.  We can prove Wheatley has no sense of morals or ethics based on a few things he says:

[Upon seeing the trapped Oracle Turret] “Oh no… Yes, hello!  No, we’re not stopping!  Don’t make eye contact whatever you do… No thanks!  We’re good!  Appreciate it!  Keep moving, keep moving…”

This heavily implies he’s met the Oracle Turret before, probably several times, and not only does it not occur to him to help, he actively treats the Turret like they’re a horrible, annoying nuisance.

[Upon passing functional turrets falling into disposal grinder] [Laughs] “There’s our handiwork.  Shouldn’t laugh, really.  They do feel pain.  Of a sort. All simulated.  But real enough for them, I suppose.”

Not only does he find the destruction of the functional turrets funny, he for some reason views their pain as simulated, as though his is real and theirs is fake. Or, in the spirit of Cave Johnson, as though his pain is important and theirs isn’t because they aren’t important.

“Oh!  I’ve just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I’ve captured you, and give you over and she’ll kill you, but I could go on… living.  So, what’s your view on that?”

This doesn’t even need an explanation.  

What gets interesting about Wheatley are, of course, his famous final lines:

“I wish I could take it all back.  I honestly do.  I honestly do wish I could take it all back.  And not because I’m stranded in space. […] You know, if I was ever to see her again, you know what I’d say?  I’d say, ‘I’m sorry’… sincerely, I’m sorry I was bossy… and monstrous… and… I am genuinely sorry.  The end.”

Wheatley here takes responsibility for his behaviour in a way that no one else in the history of Aperture has ever done.  Even GLaDOS rejects responsibility for her actions, instead choosing to blame everything on Chell:

“You know what my days used to be like?  I just tested.  Nobody murdered me.  Or put me in a potato.  Or fed me to birds.  I had a pretty good life.  And then you showed up.  You dangerous, mute lunatic.”

The reason for this may be related to the fact that the lack of morality and ethics in the people of Aperture doesn’t actually have real consequences.  Cave Johnson’s behaviour drives Aperture from a promising scientific powerhouse to a laughingstock, that’s true.  But he still does what he wants and gets what he wants regardless. The one and only consequence to being immoral and unethical at Aperture is, in fact, death.  In the case of GLaDOS… there are no consequences. Everything returns to the status quo. Wheatley, however, does have to face a consequence for his actions: he is trapped in space, possibly forever.  He, unlike all the other characters, doesn’t have the privilege of waving aside everything he did and moving on with life.  He is forced to consider his punishment, his actions and what they meant and the effect they had, and he on his own comes to the conclusion that he was wrong.  In a bizarre twist, Wheatley is the only one who learns anything.  He is also the only one in a position not to do anything with this newfound knowledge.    

 Morality and Ethics and Robots: Should They Even Be Held to Human Societal Standards?

In the end, it doesn’t really matter whether Wheatley or GLaDOS is worse than the other because ethics and morality are human concepts which are for a functioning human society.  A robot society doesn’t really need moral rules like ‘killing people is wrong’ nor ethical guidelines such as ‘you should practice safe science’ because, as robots, there are no permanent, lasting consequences for these actions. A dead human stays dead.  A dead robot that’s been lying outside for years getting rained on, snowed on, and baked in the sun?  No problem.  Turn her back on again.  A guy broke all the bones in his legs during an unethical experiment?  Bad.  A robot that got smashed into pieces during an unethical experiment? Inconsequential, really, since you can just throw her into a machine and reassemble her good as new.  So not only aren’t GLaDOS and Wheatley’s actions really immoral or unethical given the context… they really aren’t based on a theoretical robot society either.  Being the perpetrator or the victim of immoral or unethical actions in humans causes permanent changes in the body and the brain, but nothing about AI is permanent. Their brains don’t generate new, personally harmful pathways in response to a traumatic event that necessitate years of hard work to combat; they can literally just get over it.  If their chassis is damaged, they can simply move into a new one or have some or all of those parts inconsequentially replaced.  There isn’t actually an honest reason for robots to have the same moral and ethical systems as humanity because they don’t need them.  They would require different sets of rules and guidelines because they work differently. What would that kind of society look like?  We don’t know, but as of the end of Portal 2 they have all the time in the world to figure it out.

[orangerosebush]

Thank you so much to @popsicle-stick @fowlblue @sophieisdone45 and @anjupear for tagging me (I’m collating the mentosmorii/orangerosebush mentions here for readability)! Also, if you mentioned liking my fanfic, know that I owe you one (1) life debt (seriously, tysm :’’)!  ) 

#1) who’s your favorite character & why?

Gonna have to go with Butler! I feel like as I’ve returned to the series, again and again, I am always stricken by the way he fills the role of a protector for the people in his life beyond merely being a fighter; his capacity for nurturing and selflessness make him one of my favorites.  

#2) what’s one of your favorite scenes in the books?

There’s a scene in book 5 where Artemis and Minerva are just like, randomly squabbling over art and its value, and beyond it being v. funny, I think it was a great way to differentiate them and how they approach intelligence.  

#3) if you could be any species of fairy, which one would you be?

Isn’t the whole schtick associated with the kraken in book 5 that it sleeps for centuries? That very much appeals to me, coming out of finals seasons, lol.

#4) do you read af fic? if so, drop one of your favorites!

Yes, I do! The following fic is a WIP, but I think that what is uploaded now stands as a nice snapshot into the world the author’s created. 

Too Sentimental by Fowl Fox on ffnet

Artemis Senior reflects on his past and the people he’s lost as he deals with his own current insecurities regarding his wife and son. Takes place between books 4 & 5, as well as decades before then.

It’s an interesting look at what would happen if Fowl Sr. were to become curious about his son’s involvement with the criminal underworld, though ultimately, he’s not quite right about which ‘underworld’ that is. It’s 2 chapters, and it’s quite good!

#5) give your ranking of the books from best to worst!

Probably Eternity Code (3), Artemis Fowl (1), Arctic Incident (2), Opal Deception (4), Lost Colony (5), Time Paradox (6), Last Guardian (8), Atlantis Complex (7). Though, TAC is the only one I don’t care for.

#6) if you could say anything to any of the characters, what would it be?

Probably congratulate Juliet on carving out her own path in life, difficult though it might have been to break from centuries of family tradition. That, or tell Butler to take some time off from work, lmao.

#7) if you’re comfortable w it, share one of your favorite headcanons about the series <3

Probably a toss-up between transmasc headcanons for Artemis or the theory that the Major faked his death in the Arctic Incident, and is still out there, somewhere.

#8) what’s one thing that you would change about the series?

I think I would ask it to engage more deeply with its themes, though I do understand the structure of the series is kind of serialized (and, moreover, still a children’s series at the end of the day). This ranges from having it tackle the implications of mental health beyond the scene-by-scene potential for comedy or drama, to expanding upon the kind of society Haven is technologically and politically beyond (as I said) scene-by-scene potential for comedy or drama (like, dig a little deeper into the power afforded to the Council! Look at how the LEP functions beyond the “one bad apple” Commander plot with Sool). 

#9) if we’re not counting book one Artemis, who’s your favorite villain & why?

The human villains in general — I thought Spiro and Fission Chips were incredibly fun, as were Kronksi and the Extinctionists, and, arguably, Minerva!

#10) how did you get into the series/when did you first read it?

I’d say most likely around 3rd grade? We’d gone to the library, and my dad accidentally picked up book 1 from the display section under the impression that it was adult fiction, lost interest after discovering that no, in fact, it was not, and then he handed it off to me. 

Tag?

If you’re reading this, then take this as a tag from me! I scrolled through the notes on Sophie’s original post, and it seems as though a fair amount of the fan base has already been tagged in some capacity, and I don’t want to clog anyone’s notifs. Also, thanks + kudos to Sophie for making this!

[hamburgerhelpersotherhand]

Future Thoughts

Forty Quinn x Fiancée!Reader

Warnings: Last minute dinner preparations and accusations.

Notes: Another request! Amazing how little attention Forty gets. Anyway, I hope I didn’t get too carried away with the plot of the show. Since Candace isn’t in the picture, I thought Y/N here could be a (sort of) replacement for tracking down Joe’s evil doing 🤯🤯

Your limbs are being stretched up to the sky as you climb out of bed and walk yourself to the thermostat.

You didn’t realize how fast the temperature would drop over the course of the night, but you weren’t about to sleep with a frozen ass.

Not like you could fall asleep now that you’ve fully awakened yourself to heat up the apartment, but at least it would be warmer by morning.

It’s dark outside and the street lights are still on. If you had to guess, you’d say it was past midnight.

Glancing at the clock, you were right. It was 3 am.

That’s too late to suddenly want to go back to sleep, right? Because 3 am quickly becomes 4 am which is far too close to 5 am, the time you’re usually awake and ready to begin brainstorming your personal projects.

You come to the conclusion that sleep will not envelop you at this hour. But, to make this time worth it, you know you’ll need to do something productive.

You walk into the kitchen and turn on the overhanging lights.

On the counter sits an all-too-familiar large yellow parcel.

You’ll have to look through it eventually, there’s no harm in starting now.

You sit yourself down at one of the stools and begin sliding the contents out of the parcel. Inside, you find multiple photographs of an old friend on her wedding day and you scatter them about.

You’re observing. Looking for the best of the best... which is something you do quite often. You’re a professional photographer and rather than creating your own unique pieces, you find yourself doing wedding or newborn photo ops. You’re quite popular in your field, but you feel unsatisfied.

You bite your thumb as you’re drawn to a particular image of the brides looking into each other’s eyes.

As you lean forward to observe it in detail, two firm hands place themselves on your hips and cause you to jolt.

“What’re you doing awake? It’s 3 am.” Forty asks. He places his chin on your shoulder and observes the scattered photographs with tired eyes.

“I turned up the thermostat and decided I’d start work early.” You reply.

His hands slide down your hips and rest on your thighs. “Those are cute pictures. Reminds me of us.”

You smile. He can’t see your face, but the way you speak makes it apparent. “Which one draws you in the most? They commissioned me to create a collage for their new home.”

Forty’s brow furrows as he observes the counter as a whole. He takes a moment, but returns to Earth to give you the answer you were searching for.

“Top left.”

The top left photograph is of the brides noses touching. Their hands are entwined and they seem absolutely lost in each other’s eyes. It’s the exact image you were observing moments ago.

“I see.” You reply shortly.

“Well, now that we’ve chosen a picture for your project— Let’s get back into that comfy bed in the other room.”

“I don’t know, I’m not feeling tired anymore.”

“Awe, come on, baby.” His short beard tickles your neck. “I’ll make it worth your time.” You can hear it in his voice... He’s pouting like a child again.

“Forty, can I ask you a question?” You’re twisting your engagement ring around your finger.

“Shoot.”

“Why did you propose to me?”

Forty goes silent for a moment. You give him time to reflect over your question, and you yourself get lost in thought.

“Well,” He begins. “We were sleeping in the same bed and we were facing each other. You were fast asleep, but I couldn’t get this feeling out of my chest.” He turns the stool you’re sitting in to face him and searches your eyes. “Every time I looked at you, I realized I felt something I never had before.”

You can’t help but crack a smile. You pretend to be biting your thumb to hide it.

“Maybe I just loathe you more than anyone else— but I like to think it’s love and anticipation and excitement for a future with you.”

You’re looking away now with a bright smile. “I loathe you too.”

“I don’t think I can fall asleep now. Want me to make you some breakfast?”

“That would be lovely!” You reply with a quick peck on the lips.

~

It’s still fairly early in the day by the time you’re finished the commissioned wedding project. You lean it against a free wall for pickup.

This wall just so happens to also have your calendar, so you take the opportunity to unhook the pen and check off the day before.

“Huh.” You’re observing the calendar closely. “Forty?”

“Yeah?” Forty eventually calls out from the other room.

“What’s L+W Dinner about? You have it booked for tonight.”

“Oh! Love and her new boy toy, Will, are coming over for dinner tonight.” He walks into the room so neither of you shout.

“You didn’t think about telling me this ahead of time? I don’t think I’m ready.” You’re upset and he notices immediately.

“I’m sorry, it was planned yesterday and I forgot to mention it.”

“Love knows how to cook and I don’t. This is going to be embarrassing.” You cover your face with both your hands.

If you want to be on par with Love, you’ll have to start dinner preparations now.

~

Done.

You’ve done it! You spent your entire afternoon prepping for the dinner and even had time to bake a pie following your grand-mother’s recipe.

But rest was yet to be around the corner, for you had an evening to get through.

You’re all seated at the table with your respected plates.

You feel a wave of anxiety every time Love takes a bite. She seems to be enjoying it despite your doubtful nature.

Love and Forty are now exchanging words and your eyes trail over the stranger, Will.

He’s either looking at Love or looking at his plate. By the time he looks at you, you’re giving him a stern stare.

“How’s Los Angeles treating you? I heard you moved not too long ago.” You ask.

“Everyone seems friendly.” He responds.

“Where were you living before?”

“New York.”

You tilt your head up in understanding and pick up your drink for a sip.

“New York is nice. I lived there for a bit while figuring myself out.” You state.

Will is smiling casually, but you notice something change in his eyes as you talk.

“How did you two meet?” He gestures to Forty and yourself.

“A mattress store. And you two?” You answer and are quick to turn the topic onto him.

“Anavrin.” He replies.

The conversation seems hostile as you both continue to reply with quick answers.

“And where do you work?”

“Anavrin.” Love butts in. “He’s the bookstore clerk.”

“Ah. Met at Anavrin, work at Anavrin.” You’re smiling as you pick at your plate. “Thats cute.”

Forty places his hand on your thigh. He thinks you’re just having one of your moments, but you know there’s something off about this Will guy.

You look down at your plate and pick at your food. “Do you often find your dates in the workplace?”

You don’t have to look to know that Will’s smile is gone.

Forty squeezes your leg and you jolt up. “Don’t mind her, old sport! She’s not very open to new people.” He’s smiling brightly toward Love and Will, even with your glare directed at him.

For the remainder of the evening, you’re quiet. You answer whatever questions come up but you mostly keep to yourself.

They leave early and, from the goodness of your own heart, you give them the pie to take home.

Once they’re gone and out of your hair, Forty shuts the door and faces you.

“What was that all about?” He asks with an edge in his tone.

“What do you mean?” You’re playing innocent.

“You know what I mean. Don’t play stupid with me.” He walks toward you as you stand there, avoiding eye contact. “Don’t fight me on this, just tell me what’s wrong...”

“I know him.” You state. “Or, well... I know I’ve seen him before.”

“Will?”

“I don’t think his name is Will.” You sigh and hold your face. “I don’t remember his name. But I know it isn’t Will.”

“Why do you say that?” Forty ducks down to make eye contact as he pulls your head up to meet his gaze. He looks concerned.

“I don’t know. Am I going crazy? I think I’m going crazy.”

“You know what I think?” Forty reaches out and brushes any loose strands out of your face. “I think you’re stressed and need some rest. Waking up at 3 am probably wasn’t a good call.”

You take a deep breath and run your hands through his hair. “You’re right.”

“Here’s what’s gonna happen.” He gently tugs on your shirt. “You’re going to take all this off, get into a warm bath, and I’m going to mix you your favourite drink.”

“Oh, Forty.” You meet his eyes with a hesitant smile as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Where did I get such an amazing future husband?”

“The mattress store.”

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

A Piece of You: Chapter 3

Pairing: Zen x MC

Synopsis: After the death of his sister, Zen is entrusted with raising her daughter. Six years later and MC has settled into RFA, but she just wants to be back on the roof with the love of her life like she was two years before. But dealing with teenage years, dragged out engagements and a lot of unsaid feelings, you start to lose a piece of you. Or, perhaps, find a piece you had that had been missing the whole time.

Warnings: None!

A/N: Heya! So I know this series isn’t getting a lot of notes or anything, but I still have a lot of ideas/inspiration for it so I’m gonna keep it going, even if it’s just for me haha! Also want to say a massive thank you to @sunshinejihyun for saying such kind things about this series and being so enthusiastic for it, as well as just generally being a lovely human being. She’s given me a lot of motivation to keep writing this so thank you so much for that! Love ya!! <3

⇦ Previous Chapter

***

“Oh, two can play at that game, buddy!” MC cried as she threw a handful of flour at Saeyoung, who was currently rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach as tears of laughter rolled triumphantly down his cheeks.

“Honestly, MC! It was an-an accident!”

“Ah okay, so the egg just accidentally got crushed on my head, did it?” you questioned, finger tapping expectantly on the counter, raw egg white now trickling down your forehead.

“Well,” Saeyoung tried to speak, but kept being interrupted by his own laughter, “I guess…you could say you have..” he bit his lip, “egg on your face.”

“You have five seconds to run,” MC said eerily calmly, but Saeyoung knew what was coming and did not miss a beat to bolt out of the kitchen. MC promptly followed, arms held out ready for the most fierce tickle war anyone had ever seen.

“So childish,” Saeran mumbled, perched on the counter-top as he scooped batter out of the mixing bowl before licking the spoon.

Saeyoung was finally caught by MC on the couch, shrieks of laughter filling the house as MC mercilessly tickled his stomach - his most ticklish spot, she’d learnt.

The three had grown remarkably close over the past year or so, after MC spent most of it living with the twins to help the two grow closer together, and to help Saeyoung when Saeran was at his lowest. She always knew how to calm Saeran down whilst also reassuring Saeyoung that he was not at fault. They had become more like triplets, and MC adored her little family. It wasn't a family until she found them, and Saeyoung willed himself to believe that such an immense kindness was nurtured in a place of warmth and care.

But MC was not an open book. She was a brand-new novel, placed prettily on a coffee table to be admired and shown-off. In order to read the contents, the spine would have to be broken, edges curled, pages stained. To understand her would be to break her, which was a price MC wouldn’t dare bid.

Saeyoung thought that such a warm heart would never survive the biting ice of the world, and therefore wearing it on her sleeve would be suicide.

And that’s where he went wrong. That’s where he lost his chance. Because the world wasn’t as cold as either of them initially thought, you just had to look in the right places. Saeyoung had found his place now, and the taste of remorse lingered bitterly on his tongue when he realised he couldn't be that place for her, and that she still didn’t know where to look.

But that thought was for another day. Outward gratitude spoke louder than inward regret.

“Okay! Okay okay OKAY MC I’m sorry! Please, have mercy!” Saeyoung pleaded.

“Hm, sorry’s not good enough.”

“What about if I promise you the love and affection from your favourite tomato - God Seven!”

“I get that anyway. And besides, Saeran’s my favourite tomato.”

Saeyoung let out a cry of disbelief, but Saeran snickered from the kitchen, “Idiot. Know your place.”

He sighed, giving in, “Fine, I’ll stop giving physics lessons in the chatroom for at least two months.”

“Now that’s a deal I can get behind.”

The two shook on it, giggling like children as they headed back into the kitchen, clearing up the absolute bomb site they had made. MC idly glanced up at the clock before letting out a loud gasp, startling both twins. “Crap, I gotta get ready! And get this stupid egg out of my hair!”

“Ooooo,” Saeyoung sung, the corners of his mouth curling into a smug grin, “has someone got a date?” he joked.

MC stayed quiet, suddenly peaking the interest of the red-heads who promptly stopped what they were doing, “Wait, are you serious, MC?!” Saeyoung burst, voice cracking (adorably) at the end, “You actually have a date?”

“Did that punk finally ask you out?” Saeran said nonchalantly as he finished scraping out the remainder of the batter.

MC quirked an eyebrow, “What do you mean? What punk?”

Saeyoung shot his brother a pointed look before turning back to MC, “Ignore him, it’s the salmonella talking. So who are you going out with? Do we know him?”

MC tried to busy herself by checking the cupcakes in the oven, suddenly feeling a little coy about the subject, “I doubt you know him, he's a friend of Zen’s. They’re co-stars in the play he's in, actually.”

Saeran gave Saeyoung a perplexed look, which went completely missed by MC. Saeyoung brushed it off, though he knew he felt the same way as his brother, “Awwww MC! You’re all grown up!” MC groaned, but this only encouraged him, “So, what’s his name?”

“His name’s Chul. And don't you dare go snooping around and doing background checks or whatever. I can figure him out for myself, thank you very much. Promise?”

Saeyoung whined like a toddler, but agreed anyway, “Well, you better get going or you’re gonna be late! Do you want a ride home?”

“It’s okay, I have to stop at the shop on the way,” MC said as she put on her coat and slung her bang over her shoulder. She was also incredibly grateful that she remembered to bring a hat today to…you know, hide the egg and whatnot. “You better save me a cupcake!”

“We’ll bring some round tomorrow,” he called after her, “and you can tell me all the juicy details!”

“Not a chance, Choi boy!” she called out from the doorway before slamming the door.

“She’s seriously going on a date with another guy? I could have sworn she was all loved up by Mr ‘God’s mistake’ or whatever.”

“She was,” Saeyoung sighed, cleaning up the remnants of their shenanigans, “but that was what, two years ago now? Zen hasn’t shown any indication of wanting to go further, she has the right to move on.”

“Sure,” Saeran started as he hopped off the counter to help his brother, “but isn't she going to ask him about it? Just in case?”

“Something tells me she already has.”

Her visit was completely welcome, but unexpected. MC had called the night before asking if they wanted to hang out, when she’d usually just text an hour or so before to check that they weren’t busy and then just turn up. It was like she needed the reassurance, like she needed to have the certainty that she would see them. Like she needed it to get through the night.

It could have been written off as pre-date nerves, but Saeyoung suspected it went deeper than that. You learn a lot from living with someone for months, and Saeyoung knew that MC wasn't acting like herself. The thought made him chew on his lip as he continued to wash up.

Saeran noticed this, lightly punching his brother in the arm, “Hey, she’s a tough girl. I’m sure she's perfectly capable of handling boy-drama.”

Boy-drama? Probably. But Saeyoung knew very well, from his own experience, the look of someone in love, as well as the look of someone heartbroken. He saw the first look fade away from MC’s face, being replaced by the latter. It felt like a punch in the gut.

Once everything was cleaned up, Saeyoung opened up his laptop and started typing away.

He was going to have to break his promise. Just this once. For her sake. He couldn’t fail her for the second time.

He never wanted to see that look on her face again.

***

“So, how long have you known Zen?” Chul asked casually as the waitress brought the bill.

“About two years now, I think?” MC replied, taking a sip of her wine.

“Mm, and how much of that time have you been in love with him?”

MC almost choked on her drink, her eyes darting to his. Chul chuckled, handing her a napkin, “Sorry, I suppose that was a little forward.”

“Just a tad,” MC said, trying to recover, “What makes you think I was in love with him?”

“I saw the way you were looking at him on stage, and the look on your face when he was doing the kissing scene,” he took a sip of his own drink, “I just connected the dots.”

“Ah…I see.”

“Relax, I’m not going to say anything to him. I just want to know what he did to make you look so defeated, so upset,” he stared directly into her eyes, “Were you guys together at some point? Did he hurt you?”

“God no! No no, we were never together,” she felt a sharp pang in her chest, “and he never did anything to hurt me. He’s always been such a sweetheart…”

Chul nodded, listening intently, “So why did you never get together? You both clearly care for each other.”

Why did they never end up together? Ah, yeah, because Zen clearly didn’t want that. Maybe she wasn't his type, maybe he saw her more as a sister, maybe she just wasn’t good enough for him.

Ouch.

“I…We just weren't meant to be, I suppose.” And why were they talking about this anyway? Bit of a weird topic of conversation for a first date, MC thought, “Why did you want to know?”

He smiled, “I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t getting in the middle of anything. And I’ve been worried about that look since I last saw you. I wanted to know if you were alright, and if you weren’t, if it was something I could help you get over.”

MC smirked, “Oh? You think you can help me get over him?” she said jokingly.

“I do,” Chul said gently, “If you let me.”

The night was surprisingly pleasant. Not that MC doubted that Chul was a nice guy, she just thought that going on a date with someone considering her current situation would be too weird, but she actually had a lovely time. They had a fantastic meal at a beautiful restaurant, which despite MC’s protests, Chul paid for. She said she’d pay for the next one, which made Chul smile at the confirmation of a ‘next one’. He walked her home, slowly strolling under the warm glow of the streetlights they passed, hands occasionally brushing against each other, chatting as though they were old friends.

He kissed her softly on the cheek at her doorstep before wishing her a good night. As he turned away, his words from before rang in MC’s ear.

If you let me.

He was already halfway down the block when MC caught up to him, grabbing his arm to spin him round to face her. After a moments hesitation, she balanced on her tip-toes to land a chaste kiss on Chul’s lips, which he happily returned with the same gentleness as before.

MC had never been one to kiss on the first date. Hell, she had never been the one to date full-stop. But she saw an opportunity for adventure, for companionship…for love. She obviously didn’t love Chul, but she knew she could. She would no longer wish upon a shooting star, now she would shoot after it herself.

She broke away from the kiss first and slowly untangled her arms from around his neck, “Goodnight, Chul.”

He smiled softly at her, loosening his hold around her waist, “Goodnight, MC.”

As she walked back to her apartment, she swore she felt the ghost of Chul’s hand on the small of her back, his lips on her own. She suddenly missed his voice, his scent, his touch. She suddenly missed him. Or did she miss being wanted by him?

MC took out her phone once she made it through her door, her thumb hovering over Zen’s number. Usually it was instinctual to call him the second she felt the pull of loneliness, and she knew he would have been worrying about her. But she couldn't bring herself to press the button.

If things were going to work out with Chul, she needed to give him the best chance. She needed to give him her attention, and needed to confide in him rather than a love that never was.

She knew that you can’t get over the hurdle if you never leave the starting line, and she knew that Chul could help her get over it once she did.

If she let him.

***

Masterlist || Next Chapter

[cutegirlmayra]

#NotAPrompt saddly:( Anyways hello hope ur having a good! So from an amazing writer to your fellow beginner writer. How do you organize ur ideas or outline it before you start a sonamy story?

Thank you and great question!~

When you start any story, there needs to be a written Outline, or spine, of a story. Loglines also help to organize a clear direction for your story– example: Sonic, a free-spirited and adventurous hedgehog, and his friends must collect all 7 chaos emeralds to stop Eggman and a released, ancient god of destruction from threatening their world. - Logline I made up for Sonic Adventure. A logline is one sentence that clearly establishes a character and conflict.

Once you have some ideas, let’s say maybe you have the middle worked out or the exciting incident, you then create an Outline. Act 1, Act 2, Act 3. Act 2 should be the longest and biggest portion.

In my prompts, I usually hurry through Act 1 to get you to the exciting incident and then smoothly transition through a wrapped up conclusion.

Act 1 should be small, almost equal to Act 3′s plot points. Act 1 is you introducing the normal life before something twists it around, the conflict. The conflict is the starting point to Act 2, where you begin the rising action.

(the most simplest form. There are other arcs, such as ‘Character Obstacles’, ‘Character Tragedy’, and ‘Character Hero Story’. There are a few more too, but those are the ones I write the most of :)b There’s even a romantic one! Look them up and find your favorites in your own stories, comics, or movies ;)b)

For example, in my lastest Sonamy story, the turning point for the characters was when Amy also got sick with Sonic. This changed the normality which was that Sonic was originally sick, and now, the conflict begins of how are they gonna hide from the robots while both being squished together sharing leaves and turning ditzy in their sickness? I then lead that to Act 3, where silliness does ensue but they end up having a memorable, although disgustingly funny, platonic moment together that turned sweeter and even romantic as the conclusion unfolded. (Prompt: x)

Granted, this story is NOT a work of art haha XD I was inspired to make it, but the plot to it was extremely simple, which is why no real ‘action’ takes place and it’s all character emotion that drive the plot forward.

OR

OR

Many ways a character can express or subtly hint at their emotions. Sometimes they’re impulsive and transparent, wearing their hearts on their sleeves. (AMY) Sometimes their shy or subtle, opting to mask their emotions deep below the surface until they can’t help but ‘leak’ their emotions out during the climactic reveal and ‘breaking point’ for their character or plot summary. (Sonic.) Sometimes their so out of it, or not even in tune with their own emotions that they play them off and go cynical with it all. (Sometimes, I see this as Classic Sonic, but not always.), there are many more. Find them all! lol

As for my bigger fanfictions, I do make a summary, which is the full story condensed into a page or so worth of ‘notes’ as I refer to them. It’s not as neat as labeling Act 1-3, but it does give me a basic outline.

For Example, you can’t use your summary outline for your summary to your story. Your summary should have the reader asking questions so they’ll want to engage with the story. Instead, your Summary Outline should look like this:

Sonic and Amy, during a normal fight with Eggman, suddenly mention a tough topic for the both of them that causes some bickering and tension. When the tension accelerates beyond normal teasing, the two end up accidentally losing their tempers and hurting each other. Eggman, deciding drama’s not what he wanted today, sends a fully-armed attack at them while their distracted, thinking it a good opportunity to catch Sonic off-guard. However, though Sonic looks like he’s about to get whammed by the ambush, Amy pushes him out of the way and they survive. Amazed, Sonic rushes over to her, “Amy! W-why… Why did you jump in the way like that? I don’t get it… Weren’t you mad?” He hovers over her as she weakly squints an eye up at him (NOTE: This part is getting more detailed, can you tell? It’s the climax of the story and should have much more detail and notes going on. Even dialogue that can be rewritten or changed. It’s okay to have notes like this for your most dramatic scene, and keep the rest of it generally swift, but try not to go too vague. If you do, you may forget how you wanted to write that part, and that’s NO GOOD! -Sonic reference, lol!) “S-Sonic… Don’t you understand?!” She wobbly gets up to lean up into his face, “No matter how mad you may make me, or how awful our bantering gets, I will still love you no matter what!” (Exciting Incident, Amy’s confession, which will lead to a reaction in not only Sonic but the audience. This is the height of the climax and when things start to go down, but Sonic’s climax is right after this– example: ) Sonic, taken back by her words, suddenly smiles, “I can do no wrong by you… can I?” Amy smiles, and when Sonic realizes she’s not teasing or messing around this time, loses the smile and has his eyes scan her for any sign of humor. When none is found, he embraces her, “…Thank you… Amy.” (This is the point you begin the falling action, which is also the beginning of Act 3, which starts at the ending of the climax and continues towards the resolution, the lasting effect or result of the climax. What has now changed for the characters? What is their new reality? In Drama, there needs to be a few players: Victim, Villian, and Rescuer. Rescuer has to lose every time, then the dynamic will change to Victim as a Villain, and Villian as Victim. This then turns into ‘Creator of the drama’ which is neither victim nor villain, to two supports, ‘Challenger’ Sonic then turns to Eggman, cocky and snarky as usual, but this time, with an arm around Amy’s shoulders. They fight together and beat Eggman, still lightly joking with one another, but not as bad as before. Eggman is confused, defeated, he asks what happened. Amy and Sonic confidently look to each other, and together, wink slyly and say, “Friends fight together!” Before Sonic says, “Doesn’t mean they’ll leave ya if you have different opinions then them.” He smiles to her as she nods and continues his sentence for him, looking to him with love and admiration. “It just means you’re two different people, and that’s just fine by me! Otherwise, the world would be so boring!” (The lesson is usually delivered towards the end of Act 3, maybe not as strongly as this was. Sometimes, the lesson can be subtle and should be too. You don’t want to write ‘on the nose’ unless you’re writing for children very young, but in my opinion, Children are super smart too and pick up on a lot! My advice is to write strongly and powerfully even if it’s just for children audiences. They’re smarter than you think!) “And dull!” Sonic remarks, as the two of them laugh. Unable to comprehend their strange mood swings, Eggman grips his head and ducks down, frowning profusely, “Ahh… Now I have a headache…” (

And by the end, your audience will have understood the climb your characters took to reach that resolution, and they–themselves–reach a conclusion to their emotional relief. (People hate cliffhangers so much because you leave the Audience suspended in their need for closure, but that also addicts them to your story… so Authors can’t help but use it XD But we hate having it used on ourselves!!! Curiosity doesn’t kill your story, only your cat! And the satisfaction of knowing brings it back ;)b)

Was it hard for your characters to reach a conclusion?

Did that help? Lol This plot I made was rather simple, but I hope it taught it some stuff I like to think about when making a story! :D Drama is SO IMPORTANT! Remember to think of their character cores as well, what traits could create conflict in them and in others? What traits could help them learn and cope through that trauma? These are all important, and Romance usually has a ‘revelation’ or ‘impulsive excitement push’ around 10-15 pages/minutes when writing or watching a romance plot. I call it the ‘push’ because you can tell the writer is trying to nudge the two together. In film, you see them get bumped up against each other and then apologize but the girl moves her hair as a distraction and the boy looks away, but both are nervous and awkwardly blushing. That’s another ‘push’ in my book towards the romantic subplot.)

(Then they notice their cute, they keep seeing each other, la-de-dah, even AMY wanted this to happen!)

(Remember, this is Amy’s ‘day-dream’ sequence, it’s interesting how she thinks of Sonic, versus how he actually portrays himself. Useful info for writing Sonamy XD)

Alright! How’d I do? What Sonic and Amy stories will you create, my precious Anon friend? Good luck! And I can’t wait to see the success you find!