#But they can’t always be the source material bc duh

[stuckinapril]

I would never trust a non Iraqi to give me a rundown of Iraqi history and how the US affected it tbh

[inkvvells]

⧼ toby regbo, cis male, he/him/his / quarter-life crisis by judah and the lion + desks piled high with books and materials, always crowded but never messy; guilt and shame that eat away at him with every mention of family moments and memories he chose to not be part of; three cups of black coffee to make it through the day, four if there’s too much that needs done (there’s always too much that needs done). ⧽ ━━ hey, isn’t that PERCY WEASLEY? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the TWENTY-NINE year old pure blood WIZARD is a GRYFFINDOR alumnus who has gone on to be a MINISTRY EMPLOYEE. i’ve heard they can be quite DRIVEN & METICULOUS, but i don’t know… they came off very OSTENTATIOUS & NEUROTIC in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it? — [pinterest]

who ordered a pretentious, family-abandoning guilty nerd? no one?? guess this one is on the house then. i’m???? super inspired in writing this bio and its more of a character analysis than anything else bc he’s an established enough canon that we don’t know much about personally so i went ham but i’m not about to ask y’all to read the mess i’ll inevitablty type up for him, so here are a few brief bullet points for now bc i want this up:

learned that the best way to get praise was to do everything he was told, be as respected as bill and charlie, and look after the younger kids. he took these lessons and ran with them into overdrive because percy only knows two modes: zero or one-hundred. hence how he turned out to be a killjoy

stupidly smart and stupidly ambitious. the sorting hat considered putting him in slytherin and he debated with it until the hat got annoyed with him and gave him gryffindor instead. you can pry that hc out of my cold, dead hands

so much of him is based in guilty: for the fight he had with arthur, for putting up so much distance between him and his family for years, and for not coming back to them until the very last minute. there’s also an immense level of guilt thinking he had a part in fred’s death, because he was there when his brother was killed and he wonders if he hadn’t caused a distraction, if fred might still be alive. he’s never spoken about any of his guilt because he’s about as good at communicating as he is at having any chill (aka, not at all)

after the war (and all of the grief and pain and healing that followed), percy made his primary focus on rebuilding his relationship with his family. it’s not been easy, but if the war taught him anything, it’s that he will not lose even more time

currently employed at the ministry (duh) in the department of magical transportation because jkr said that somewhere, i’m just too tired to cite the source

i’ll make a stats page and link it later along with the rest of the finished bio, thank u and good night

BIO — under co.

Born the third son to Molly and Arthur Weasley, one of the very first lessons Percy learned was that it was easy to get lost in the crowd. In a family that finally tapered off at seven children, there was always someone crying, laughing, or making some sort of racket (sometimes all three at once). It was such a loud environment, and it was clear early on that Percy didn’t like loud. He liked things to be quiet and structured, because that made sense to him.

While all of his brothers were causing chaos, Percy was more likely to be found trailing after their mother. It was the only time when he felt like he got one-on-one time — he’s never been all that great at sharing, you see, even within his family. Even better than the time, he quickly realized that it was the best way to get recognition in a family as big as his. Rather than trying to make the biggest display for reinforcement, Percy learned to set himself apart by doing exactly what he was told. When his older brothers were away at school, and the younger kids were causing Molly to want to tear her hair, there was an overarching, sometimes unspoken (often times not) question of, why can’t you lot be like Percy? Responsible Percy, who completed all of his lessons as soon as possible and made sure to not track mud into the house and make a mess. It didn’t matter that it made him less likable to his siblings. It didn’t matter that that lack of likability sometimes felt like a lack of love, either (not that he would say that out loud). Their family was under enough stress, with seven kids and strained finances. He wouldn’t be the one to add any more stress.

Over time, it became less about being the responsible one for the sake of being good, and more so just... because that’s who Percy was. He could be overbearing to a fault, and it wasn’t helped by the fact that he sucked at communication. Whenever he scolded the younger kids for even the most minute thing, it didn’t come from a place of anger. In Percy’s mind, rules were established to keep you safe, and if his siblings broke any of the his mother’s rules, it meant they were making themselves unsafe. He may have been garbage at showing it, but Percy always has and always will love his family. The thought of something happening to them, especially something he could prevent, was not okay in his book. They needed to listen in order to be safe, and if that meant he had to act like an overbearing mother to guarantee that, then so be it.

While he was his mother’s shadow growing up, there was also a deep respect for his father. That respect greatly shifted as Percy grew up and learned their family’s status in the wizarding world, but as a little kid? He wanted so much to be like Arthur. That’s why his desire to enter the Ministry has existed as long as he can remember. Thus began a serous case of tunnel vision further fueled by Percy’s own ambition. Once he set his mind to something, good luck getting him to change it. And Percy’s mind was set on the best.

One thing Percy has kept to himself for years is something said to him during the sorting ceremony his first day at Hogwarts. Slytherin would suit you. Percy determined that that stupid hat must be broken, and mentally argued with it for a solid minute before it put him in Gryffindor — like his parents, like Bill, and like Charlie. His only real care? That he couldn’t stand to feel more disliked in his family than he already did.

His school years were everything that he needed them to be. By the time he started, he already had everything planned out. Get top marks? Done (friendly reminder that Percy got twelve O.W.L.’s, how tf). Become prefect? Done. Become Head Boy? Check, check, and check. Of course, it was far more than just a bit stressful when the twins started school and his lecturing towards them went into overdrive. Then Ron, who’s life seemed to be put in danger every five seconds after befriending Harry Potter. And then the entire debacle that was Ginny’s first year. Needless to say, Percy got his first grey hair at aged sixteen. But he managed to deal with (read: ignore) all of his stress and worry, and left Hogwarts with Os on all of his N.E.W.T.s and a job offer at the Ministry. Everything was going to according to plan.

Everything did not go as planned. His first year at the Ministry was an absolute disaster, to put it lightly. His boss never learned his name, which was humiliating enough. But Percy knew that what he wanted involved playing along in order to work your way up, so that’s exactly what he did. And it worked! Even when most of his correspondence with Crouch was done through letters, it felt like something. Being asked to carry out Crouch’s role in the Triwizard Tournament felt like a reward. Nevermind that he was 18 at the time and that job should have been done by somebody much more established than him. So when word got out that someone had been Imperio’d for ages by someone, Percy was an easy target to blame for not noticing. He could have bit back that had barely known Crouch beforehand, why was it being put on him? He didn’t fight back though. That wouldn’t do him any good. He took it all in stride, bit his tongue, and did what he’d always done: exactly as he was told.

We don’t discuss the fight and his subsequent abandoning of his family.

Percy doesn’t like to think about the almost three years that followed. Why would he? The first few weeks were spent seething with anger, towards his father and towards himself. After the anger cooled, it was replaced with overwhelming guilt. Not for the doubt that he’d had in his parents’ side, oh no. He was still very adamant that they were delusional for trusting the word of a teenage boy and an old (though arguably respectable) man over the governing forces, those same forces that he’d been in awe of since he was a kid. No, Percy’s guilt lay in the accusations he’d shouted, and the blame he’d placed on his father for their family’s financial state.

listen i’ll elaborate on his time during and after the war later, it’s like 2am and i’ve been fighting with my laptop for hours and this is already sO MUCH THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR, PERCY IS JUST MY CHILD

[seonfhwa]

you said no one asks you about your biases so klj;alkdjfs here I am because also love when people talk about their biases!!! name your top five biases luna and why they are your biases

oh my god mini you’re enabling me ehrbjhgbek okay here we go look away folks this is gonna get annoying

edit: so i went back and slapped everything under the cut because oh my god i kept talking im so annoying

1. cha hakyeon/n of vixx

this man hits everything i love about a human being. he’s very motherly and very open about such things, he’s a true sassy diva who always wants the attention on him (i don’t blame him), he has a really big heart and always does things like donating to charity and the like, he has seen SO MANY ups and downs since vixx debuted in 2011 and honestly?? he deserves the world. he’s a really hard working leader who goes to all of his members solo activities to cheer them on and make sure they know he’s there supporting them. i have never seen anyone as beautiful and ethereal as cha hakyeon in my entire life. he’d be a wonderful dad, a perfect husband, and a caring friend. he’s loving, kind, and affectionate, and he’s the sweetest bean. though he gets bullied the most by everyone else. honestly, too, i know we don’t really know most idols’ sexuality but cha hakyeon imo is one of the strongest icons in terms of exploring sexuality and shattering gender expectations and i can’t wait for him to slay some more when he gets out of the military. also?? dancing king?? like pls stomp on me i love you. literally he’s just… his duality… he’s so soft and gentle as hakyeon but as n, he’s a fiery demon ready to go. either way he’s my number one and he will always be my number one and nothing will ever change that.

2. no minwoo of boyfriend

so honestly, boyfriend really is my #1 group ever, but with the lack of content for the past year or so (after star they disappeared again into japan) it’s been really hard :(( so lack of content causes me to ult different groups during hard times but!! yeah. minwoo is my tsundere baby, my maknae on top, my bratty baby boy. he’s the quiet one of boyfriend who kinda just wants to kill everyone and he’s donghyun’s Baby and no one (not even jeongmin) can touch him hejhegbre he’s honestly one of my biggest sources of sunshine. he’s honestly where my type started (dancer rapper) and i love him!! so much. he’s a talented little bean, who’s super great with what’s given to him and his dancing is no joke!! i hope he can capitalize on that one day. also!! he’s a part of 95 line (jo twins, him, ricky of teen top, sungjae of btob, hyuk of vixx, and i think a couple others idk) and i literally love that friend group so much ;;;; minwoo is honestly the #1 prettiest baby boy ever, he’s got so much love pent up inside of him but being the bratty tsun introvert he is, he doesn’t know how to show it so he just hbjehbrgj suffers. but that’s why he has mama donghyun to take care of him, idk man starship is just shitting on the talent they have, pls let boyfriend out of the korean basement.

3. song mingi of ateez (duh) putting my own gif of mingi bc its my fave gif

and here she goes, gonna rant and rave forever. okay so mingi, right? you all probably already know this but he’s literally the biggest and best source of sunshine and happiness in the whole wide world. literally when i first got into ateez i was like hongjoong!! he’s my bias!! and then idk what happened i accidentally floated around for so long and it wasn’t long after say my name that i was officially attacked by mingi and i claimed him, he is my sunshine and my everything. i really thought seonghwa would end up my bias if not hongjoong but then mingi came around with his full-body laugh. i honestly figured out mingi was my bias when i was making my original blog and i was like?? softmingis?? that works!! rather than any other url (though idk i did try a couple of san urls). ever since i solidified mingi as my bias, i’ve found countless things about him that i love. his seal claps when he tosses his whole body as he laughs, his deep af voice, how th*cc he is, the way he interacts with all of the members– honestly i love this whole big baby boy with every fiber of my being. one day i wanna hold his hand and see his smile and (it wont happen ever but) give him just a lil smoochie on the cheek. honestly, he’s just ;;; so perfect. he may be a year younger than me but idc he’s the most lovely human bean i’ve ever seen ;;;; i wanna give him the world.

4. kim hosung/lou of vav

listen it took me a while to get here and it’s a struggle to stay here as a lou biased bean (yes ace i’m looking at you) but honestly ;;; i’m kinda sorta maybe in l*ve with this man. he’s a whole softie even though normally i’d look at someone like him and go “wow he looks really intimidating” but like?? he’s a big softie! like he’s all tall and deep voiced but he’s (another) introverted bubs. he’s all mysterious tbh like he’s so boring he wears all black and white and gray clothing if he’s not in stage outfits ekrhbejgh but he’s like!! a cutie. he loves his girl group dances and he can be super quiet at times and really grumpy but like?? he’s so handsome. he’s a confident chaotic gay and we love our very own confident gays. idk man he’s literally so gorgeous just look at that gif up there– okay not to mention he’s such a salty guy like never tell him someone else is your bias he’ll be all pouty pouty grumble grumble. really he needs to be babied but he’s probably the best boyfriend material he’d be so sweet ;;;; idk man like?? i honestly think about him every night he deserves the world and he may not be the most loud and obnoxious person in vav (that’s ziu) but he’s the most charming and i love him to death ;;;

5. kim jaejoong of jyj

other than gd of big bang, i think?? jaejoong is my longest-running bias. he’s had my heart and soul for so long. other than being the king of japan while sm still has him under dumb laws, he’s done so much for me as a human being. he’s really shaped how i look at the world, truly. i remember there was a fansign he had where a blind girl came to him and said that she loved him, not for his looks (although he is gorgeous) but for his music, his lyrics, and his voice. and honestly watching him go through so much over the years, watching him be shaped by all good and bad things, has made me so happy. he’s grown as a person, he’s learned from mistakes and he’s had to walk down rough roads to get to where he is now. honestly someone asked me recently who my role model is and i think?? after some honest thinking? i’d have to say it’s him. i look up to him. i admire him, everything he’s done for everyone in his life and for himself. he’s a strong man. i love him, and i want to give him everything i can, even though i can hardly even provide for myself. he can be a grumpy old man at times but i think that’s just the relatable shit, you know? he’s a grumpy old man while a heart of gold and i owe him my life, especially because 5 or 6 years ago i was in a really bad slump and it was him, his music, that pulled me out of it.

okay so now that i’ve talked so much and took so long to answer this… the end! literally there are so many more people i could ramble about but those were the top 5 that came to mind who are always super prominent in my head like… aLWAYS 

also if you read all of this… you guys are insane idk how you did it.

[hausofmamadas]

Sksksksksks and this is what I like to call our daily dose of me screaming for 15 mins about a fic.

So let’s get into this shit.

᪥

Pacho interrupts him, leisurely cups a handful of water and lets it slowly flow back down into the tub.

Okay, sorry I don’t know what it is about this detail that I love but I do love it. It like really puts me there in the scene, very vivid imagery. Fucking well done.

He looks up and meets Acosta’s inquisitive stare. The old man loves doing that: not saying anything, just looking at you until you give up on your own.

I feel like possibly out of all the characters you have Acosta down to pat. Like to a fucking T. And I feel like for a side character who’s not featured a ton, that’s harder to do than with characters where you have more source material to draw from. Bc I can so fucking see Acosta just twiddling his toothpick, cowboy hat on, leaning over a wood table, beer in hand, just like studying you but not saying shit, basically weaponizing silence and lowkey using your own discomfort with it against you skskskssksk

Acosta trusts him enough to handle such an important matter alone, whatever the reason might be. That’s good, right? But why? Has he really earned it, or is it because he’s actually still dispensable? ... Or, maybe it’s because he is more like Miguel than he thinks, and he doesn’t…can’t accept that.

HOLY MF SHIT THE WAY THIS SLAPS THO. I fully clutched my chest at “and he ... can’t accept that.” Because if you think about Amado S3, like he is exaaaactly like Miguel but he’s even more successful bc he’s not playing dress up hombre de negocios sksksks. But like he becomes equally as calculating and ruthless as Miguel by the time he’s big ole swinging-dick El Señor De Los Cielos but here, he’s still just the same simple, piloto Amado who, like Acosta, prefers people over money. And it just- I can’t with the way this hits, i caaaaaabt.

“Just let me know what Juárez wants after you’re done with…whatever you’re doing.”

The way I fully snorted at this line. The lowkey shade from Gilberto like “gorl, I see what you’re game is. You think my old, shriveled ass aint payin attention but I fuckin see you.”

So the rumors are correct. Pacho really doesn’t have any sense of propriety, does he?

Snsjsjsksksksksksks duh. Ofc not.

They didn’t drive towards the skyscrapers, but rather went around them to the other side, going directly into the mountains he saw earlier from the sky. They always look different on the ground, so magnificent, so immensely peaceful. Is Miguel hiding at somewhere like this right now? Would this be the final tranquility every man longs for, before the end comes?

BRO BRO BRO SKSKSSKSKSKSKKS NO BUT LIKE SERIOUSLY THE EMOTIONAL RESONANCE WITH THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IM- the way Amado is wondering what Miguel is doing right now, like he’s embedded in his mind despite Amado’s best efforts to expel him. The mountain imagery hearkening back to that phone call with Rafa at the end of S1. It’s just truly mf chef’s kiss this is.

Nobody needs to live like this. But also, who wouldn’t want to live like this? Isn’t this why they get into the business and risk their lives?

Once again, the way this slaps especially when you think about where Amado ends up. But also interesting how this echoes the same kind of thesis of most media about the drug trade.

Amado is shocked by the deception of it all. When Pacho’s just sitting under the sun and sipping a glass of white wine, not making threats or killing people, he almost doesn’t look like who he’s supposed to be.

Sksksksksksksksksksks it’s like those YouTube videos where they give lions catnip and they all of a sudden look like house cats until you see them rough housing with each other and realize they could literally flay you alive with a swipe of one of their paws.

Maybe this is what Miguel has wanted to become, since the very beginning.

Oh, 10000000000000000% what Miguel has wanted since the very beginning. Tho he’d never admit it sry bc when did Miguel ever tell the fucking truth in his who mf life

It’s such an old but useful trick, not making things clear in order to test the other person’s intel or stir some emotions. Ironically, he’s gone through that with Miguel so many times that it feels normal at this point.

OKAY ONAY NOW. BECAUSE LIKE THE WAY THIS SPEAKS TO HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL AND SIDEWAYS-FUCKED AMADO’S RELATIONSHIP WITH MIGUEL HAS BEEN. Like mf has literally been gaslit so many times, he’s lowkey bored when the same tactics are used in a business negotiation with a potential adversary. Like poor mans has been through a lot skskskssks

“I’m not sure this counts as betrayal. I didn’t put him in this situation.”

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼way to hold Miguel accountable for his actions mmkay. We stan it. La neta es la neta.

Amado remembers that slightly sadistic smile from the meeting they had with Miguel and Rafa, and back then, he thought it had some charming thrill to it. Well, now it certainly doesn’t feel that way anymore when the cruelty is directed at him.

This is like the grown up version of Amado laughing at Rafa falling and breaking his face bc the school bully tied his shoelaces together but then when the same school bully ties Amado’s shoes together, as he’s going down, about to break his own face, he has the clarity of like “prob shouldn’t have laughed at that kid cause it turns out breaking your face does hurt(?)like a mf.”

If he isn’t completely loyal to Miguel, isn’t completely loyal to himself, who the fuck is he loyal to? When was the last time he was certain about anything?

Gorl, like .... same asf.

Wrong in All the Right Ways

Chapter 7: The Mystery of Certainty

Amado arranges a meeting with Pacho, but it doesn’t go the way he anticipated, in more ways than one.

Rating: PG13

Paring: Amado/Miguel, Amado/Pacho

Words: 3,553

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34735498/chapters/98714280

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3   Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Pacho receives the phone call during his daily morning bath.

“Hola, buenos días.” The melodic northern Mexican accent is always amusing, but what makes him smile is the slight nervousness in the other man’s familiar voice. “It’s Amado, um, you remember?”

Oftentimes, Pacho doesn’t mind Manuel being here and listening in, but sometimes, like right now, he would prefer to have the conversation alone. Lucky for him, Manuel has gotten so good at knowing what he wants, that he doesn’t need to say anything at all.

“Of course I remember. It’s been a while though, right?” Pacho takes a lingering glance at his younger lover’s naked body as he gets out of the bath, still not tired of the beautiful sight after all these years. “So you opened my gift after all.”

“Yeah, things have been a little crazy here. Maybe you already know that…”

“It’s hard to not know, when it’s all over the news.” Pacho interrupts him, leisurely cups a handful of water and lets it slowly flow back down into the tub. “Listen Amado, we both know what this is about, so why don’t you just get to the point?”

“Alright.” It’s silent for a few seconds on the other end, then the voice becomes deeper, more serious. “It’s better to discuss this in person. Do you think we can meet? I can fly to Cali, if you want.”

“You mean that’s what you want,” Pacho scoffs lightly, making sure Amado can hear it, “but yes, I should be free tomorrow. Let me know before you take off. I’ll have someone pick you up at the airport.”

“Yeah, that’s great. Gracias.”

“See you soon, and…” Pacho gets distracted for a second looking at the young man bringing his shirt. What’s his name again? He’s new.

“And Amado? Come prepared.”

*

Amado slowly puts down the phone, unable to hide his confusion. Come prepared? Why did Pacho even feel the need to say that? Of course he’ll be fucking prepared! This is going to be the most crucial meeting he’s ever had in his life!

He looks up and meets Acosta’s inquisitive stare. The old man loves doing that: not saying anything, just looking at you until you give up on your own.

“You’re really not coming?”

“You know how I feel about these Colombians.” Acosta blows out a puff of thick smoke. “Besides, what do you have to worry about? If your story was true, I’m sure he’ll be nice to the guy who saved his life.”

“Don’t give me that! You still think I was bullshtting, right? That’s your problem!”

“I didn’t say that,” Acosta shrugs, “I wouldn’t send you if I think you’ll get your ass killed in Colombia.”

“Alright, so you’re saying what? You trust me to handle the meeting with Cali, and go behind Tijuana's back, all on my own?”

“You’re just like him. You know how to deal with this stuff.” Acosta lifts his hat and looks directly into Amado’s eyes, so serious that it almost feels accusing. They don’t need to clarify who he is. There’s a reason his name is unmentioned.

“If I leave Juárez, words might get out, and that will make others anxious. No one needs more of that shit right now.”

That actually makes a lot of sense, so Amado’s not going to argue. Come to think of it, he doesn’t know why he’s unhappy at all. Acosta trusts him enough to handle such an important matter alone, whatever the reason might be. That’s good, right? But why? Has he really earned it, or is it because he’s actually still dispensable? Or maybe he just doesn’t know if he’s ready to take on Pacho alone, and that stresses him out. Or, maybe it’s because he is more like Miguel than he thinks, and he doesn’t…can’t accept that.

“Look, dopey.” Acosta pinches the bridge of his nose, now looking a little annoyed. “This is your fucking idea! You don’t want the Arellanos to be the big boss; you got the number from Cali, so what the hell are you throwing a fuss about?!”

“You’re right, you’re right!” Amado puts up his hands, knowing it’s time to concede. “I’m just not looking forward to meeting the Colombians again, that’s all.” That’s a lie, but the truth at the same time, depending on how you look at it, but Acosta doesn’t have to know the context. “I’ll just go home and get a plane ready for tomorrow, yeah?”

Acosta just nods, and gives him a grunt that counts as a goodbye.

*

Amado calls Pacho’s number again the next morning at the small private airport in Juárez, but Navegante is the one to answer this time.

“Are you flying by yourself?”

“What?” Amado frowns, honestly confused by the question. Did he think they had no other pilot? “No, not this time. Why?”

“Just asking, doesn’t matter. Anyway, someone will be here. Safe travels, Señor Carrillo.” Then he hangs up before Amado could say thank you or goodbye.

Weird motherfucker.

“All ready to take off, sir!” Manny calls out from the plane.

“Did you bring the gift boxes?”

“Yeah we did.”

“Both the white one and the black one?”

“I have them right here!”

“Bueno.” Amado puts on his sunglasses. He doesn’t really need them since he’s not the pilot, but at this point it’s more of a psychological ritual. It makes him feel confident, prepared. It makes him feel like himself.

“Vamos!”

*

“So Felix isn’t even dead yet, Tijuana and Juárez are already fighting for the scraps?” Gilberto lets out a sneer. “Some Federación he has.”

“It’s good for us. More offers, more choices, play them against each other.” Pacho tries on a pair of obsidian cufflinks on his purple jacket. “Do you want to be at the meeting?”

“No, you can handle it. You always know how to deal with the Mexicans.” Gilberto glances at dozen pairs of cufflinks laid out on the wooden table. “Those silver ones work just fine. No one actually stares at your sleeves!”

Pacho laughs at the older man’s tease, but picks the silver pair anyway. “Don’t judge me. What’s the point of having nice things if you don’t enjoy them?”

“Wait a minute.” Gilberto freezes for a moment, and then his eyes light up like they always do whenever he figures out the key piece of a puzzle. “This is that fucking guy, isn’t it?! The one Félix sent to go to the club with you?”

Pacho sighs. Why is Gilberto always so fucking sharp on the worst matters? He’s not sure how exactly his face betrayed him, but Gilberto bursts out laughing at his frustration.

“You said someone gave you a call directly, right? You don’t give your number to random people.” Gilberto gestures at the extravagant display of jewelries in front of them. “Also, you never even tried that hard when you met with Félix, so if…”

“Por favor Gilberto.” Pacho breaks into a smile, shaking his head defeatedly, knowing he doesn’t stand a single chance with his older friend. “You’ve made your point clear.”

“But regardless,” Pacho closes the silver button around his sleeve, “there’s no need to be concerned. Business is business.”

“Of course I’m not concerned, hermanito. It’s interesting, that’s all!” Gilberto looks at his watch, “Well, I’m off to have lunch with some senators. Just let me know what Juárez wants after you’re done with…whatever you’re doing.”

Pacho smartly decides to let that one go.

*

The flight to Cali is not very long, but it feels dreaded out with conflicted feelings of nervousness and anticipation. This could turn out terribly. Why would Pacho accept a proposal from him? Sure, being the number two leader of Juárez is a big deal, but compared to a Godfather of Cali? He’s nobody. But this could also turn out great. This could be the kind of big break everyone in this business can only dream of. Maybe this is it; maybe it’s happening for him. But then there’s also something else, something completely irrelevant to business and it’s too dangerous to even let his mind wander there. Amado looks down at the white gift box sitting on his lap, still so flawless, so exquisite, just like its owner…well, previous owner. He’s kept it for so long but only took it out a few times, never dared to try it on. So why did he bring it back to Cali now?

The plane shakes a little as they start to descend, preparing for landing, pulling him out of these useless thoughts. Amado looks out the tiny window, and the scenery is simply breathtaking: bright sunlight reflecting off the dark blue ocean, and on the other side, mountains extending into the edge of crystal clear sky. It’s so much more beautiful than the boring desert in Juárez, just the perfectly fertile soil for the sinister coca plant. They come to a smooth landing, maybe not as well as Amado could have done, but someone who isn’t a pilot wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. After all, when it comes to flying, he only wants the best.

This airport in Cali doesn’t look so different from the one they have in Juárez, both small and private. Nobody’s here beside the two black SUVs waiting by the end of the runway. Amado takes a deep breath and stands up from his seat, putting his sunglasses back on.

This is it.

*

“Bienvenidos, Señor Carrillo Fuentes.” A young man steps out of the vehicle, greeting him with a bright smile.

Amado nods at him and glances around: there are only two of them, one driver for each car, the bare minimum. Honestly, he doesn’t know what to make of that: it could be a great sign, or a terrible one. Also, he can’t help but notice both of them are extremely good looking. So the rumors are correct. Pacho really doesn’t have any sense of propriety, does he?

“Excuse me, do you mind?” The other man approaches Manny and gestures at the two boxes he’s holding.

“These are just gifts!” Amado interrupts immediately, which makes it even more suspicious, but he doesn’t care. If they open the boxes right here and take out that silk bathrobe, he’d get right back into the plane and fly his ass back to Mexico. “Better leave them unopened, no?”

“Of course.” The man takes the boxes from Manny’s hands, never breaking the polite smile, yet his eyes speak of indisputable insistence. “We will return them to you with the same packaging. This is just our standard security measure. Please understand.”

Amado hides his frustration, knowing he doesn’t have another option here. He wonders if this is what they were specifically instructed to do. Maybe this is precisely the point Pacho’s trying to make, to show him who has the upper hand the second he steps onto Cali’s territory. Either way, there’s no point wasting more time here; he hasn’t even reached his final destination yet. Amado gets in the car that’s been held open for him, letting silence be his defiance.

*

Amado thought they would drive into the city. He doesn’t know why; maybe because he’s still used to Miguel’s hotel in Guadalajara, but apparently the Godfather of Cali has a different kind of taste for luxury. They didn’t drive towards the skyscrapers, but rather went around them to the other side, going directly into the mountains he saw earlier from the sky. They always look different on the ground, so magnificent, so immensely peaceful. Is Miguel hiding at somewhere like this right now? Would this be the final tranquility every man longs for, before the end comes?

They pull into a driveway hidden behind thick bushes, where several guards approach them. Their driver rolls down the window and exchanges a few rounds pleasantries with them before driving through. The trees gradually thin out, revealing a horse ranch. Navegante is waiting at the end of the road. Of course he is.

“Welcome, Señor Carrillo.” He briefly pats Amado down, “please follow me.”

One of the drivers gets out of the car with the two gift boxes, “Sir, do you want to take these with you now?”

Amado turns to look at Navegante. What if he’s going to be at the meeting too? That makes sense, right? He’s the security. Amado imagines this weirdo smiling creepily when Pacho opens the gift boxes…oh no fucking way!

“No, you can leave them with the luggage. Thanks.”

*

Navegante leads him through a pebble road in the middle of a beautiful garden, where a nice little greenhouse is sitting, surrounded by exotic flowers. It’s actually not little at all, bigger than many people’s entire apartments, but it appears small compared to the main structure of this mansion on the other side of the garden.

Nobody needs to live like this. But also, who wouldn’t want to live like this? Isn’t this why they get into the business and risk their lives?

Pacho looks up and smiles at them as they enter, and for a brief moment, Amado is shocked by the deception of it all. When Pacho’s just sitting under the sun and sipping a glass of white wine, not making threats or killing people, he almost doesn’t look like who he’s supposed to be. There’s no malice, no violence on the outside, just pure elegance and charm, like a prince in his royal castle.

Maybe this is what Miguel has wanted to become, since the very beginning.

Navegante nods at Pacho, and walks back out of the door. So they are meeting alone after all.

“Have a seat. I know you like whisky, but I thought Chardonnay would be more suitable for today’s weather, right?”

Amado literally doesn’t even know how that’s spelled, but he just nods and takes a sip.

“It’s very good.” Refreshing, fruity, a little sweet, exactly the type of drink Pacho likes.

“Nice to know. I was hoping it would set a good mood before we get into business.” Pacho taps his long fingers on the wine glass. “But I have to say, I wasn’t expecting you to bring business at all.”

“How come?”

“Well, to start off, I was under the impression that your entire organization had already reached a consensus.”

Amado almost wants to smile at the ambiguous wording. It’s such an old but useful trick, not making things clear in order to test the other person’s intel or stir some emotions. Ironically, he’s gone through that with Miguel so many times that it feels normal at this point.

“We know Tijuana already spoke with you.”

“But apparently, they haven’t spoken with you.” Pacho slightly tilts his head like he’s genuinely lost in his thoughts for a second—— if that’s an act, he’s a damn good actor. “Or have they? Maybe they just didn’t speak very well.”

“Look, it doesn’t matter what Tijuana said to whom.” Amado puts up a hand to mellow his seemingly aggressive tone. “I’m here because whatever Tijuana offered you, Juárez can make you a better one.”

“Why would that be, Amado?” The way his name rolls out of Pacho’s lips in that smooth, deep voice sends chills down his spine. “The product that goes through Tijuana is almost twice as much as the amount Juárez transports.”

“That’s true, for now. But they’re building three runways in Juárez right now as we speak, and there will be more once we get those three running.” Amado takes a large gulp of that sweet white wine. He honestly doesn’t understand why anyone likes this stuff; it doesn’t have the kick of liquor, and also not as refreshing as beer.

“Planes are the future, Pacho. Juárez is the future.”

“What a delightful speech.” Pacho puts both his arms on the table and leans forward, brown eyes shining with mischievous curiosity. “But I do wonder, whose future are we talking about here? Yours, or someone else’s?”

Amado’s mind goes blank for a split second. He was hoping the meeting wouldn’t come to this, but who was he kidding? How could it not?

“It was Félix’s plan, originally.” Amado decides to admit the truth. The only possible reason that Pacho might know about that is Miguel once told him when they were negotiating, so there’s really no point in denying it now. “But that doesn’t matter, does it? It was a good idea, and we’re in charge now. We’ll make it happen, make it better.”

“And you’re ok with that?”

What? What does that mean? Amado tries to look for clues from Pacho’s stare, but there’s nothing besides amusement and challenge.

“Am I ok with what?”

“You’re a trustworthy guy, aren’t you? You said it yourself last time.” Pacho shrugs, “Félix trusted you, but I guess betraying him isn’t an issue for you after all.”

“I’m not sure this counts as betrayal. I didn’t put him in this situation.” Amado’s quite impressed at himself for coming up with a response on the spot just like that, considering his heart just skipped a beat out of shock and stress. He forces himself to remain calm. He thinks about Neto’s words, Miguel’s own words. “It’s…over. It’s over for Félix, but the rest of us still need to do what we have to do.”

“Is that so?”

Pacho’s stare softens, the harsh challenge turning into inquisition, and Amado’s amazed by how the same pair of brown eyes can display such a variety of unsaid emotions.

He swallows, making up his mind. “It is.”

“I’m very happy to hear that.” Pacho picks up the wine bottle and refills both their glasses. “Then I suppose you wouldn’t mind hearing my condition.”

“Amado raises his glass slightly. “I’m listening.”

“Félix knows a lot about our business, cierto ? The transportation routes, our warehouse locations, that’s too much information if you ask me.”

Pacho leisurely shakes his wine, lips curved up like he’s talking about some harmless gossip. Amado remembers that slightly sadistic smile from the meeting they had with Miguel and Rafa, and back then, he thought it had some charming thrill to it. Well, now it certainly doesn’t feel that way anymore when the cruelty is directed at him.

“If the Americans capture him alive , who knows what he will say in exchange for his life? So if you’re going to be in charge…” Pacho reaches forward to click their glasses together, as Amado’s heart slowly, torturously sinks to his stomach. “We will need you to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“Um…” Amado tries to ease the tension in his throat with wine, but it’s barely helping. “Is that a good move? I mean, the military’s looking for him right now. If we get involved, we might all get fucked over.”

“Then don’t get involved, just make the military do it for you.”

“You’re sure that’s necessary?”

“It could be, and I need to know that I can count on you to take care of it if needed.”

“So Tijuana also agreed to that?”

“I thought it doesn’t matter what Tijuana said to whom.”

Pacho leans back with a scoff, all traces of warmth disappeared from his eyes. “You know, I do respect loyalty, but only when it’s certain.”

Amado winces, feeling like he just got punched hard in the stomach. Only when it’s certain…even the sound of that word is strange to his ears. If he isn’t completely loyal to Miguel, isn’t completely loyal to himself, who the fuck is he loyal to? When was the last time he was certain about anything?

“I told you to come prepared,” Pacho pours himself another glass of wine, casually adding salt to his injury, “and you didn’t, so now you’re just wasting my time.”

Amado sighs, not even trying to hide how awful he feels at the moment. Some ancient person once said it’s good to know when you’re defeated. Well, whoever that wise man was, he must be so proud now.

“You’re right,” He stands up, doesn’t bother to reach for an awkward handshake, when Pacho clearly doesn’t have the intent, “thank you for taking the time.”

*

“Navegante will show you to your guest room.” Pacho calls out just as he turns to leave.

“What?”

“What, you forgot what I said last time?” Somehow, the Colombian is acting all friendly again all of a sudden, as if the last few minutes didn’t happen. “If you ever fly to Colombia, I know a few places where people don’t shoot at you.”

“Oh, I thought since we didn’t…” Amado tries to find another way to say since our meeting was a disaster, but can’t come up with anything better. “I mean, you still want to do that?”

“You don’t?”

Maybe? No, he does. He’s just so fucking confused right now.

“Great, I will see you in a few hours then.” Pacho seems to take his silence as a yes. Frankly, even if he said no, he doubt it would even matter. “You might want to dress for the occasion.”

Amado really doesn’t know if that’s a subtle insult on his style or not, but he’s too tired to care right now. He just wants to go lie down for a few hours before whatever crazy party scene Pacho drags him into.

“Sure. In a few hours.”

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