#I almost added a new subplot today

[mimi-cee-genshin]

So... I may or may not leave chapter 4 of my Wanderer series on a cliffhanger. I apologize in advance.

[pebblysand]

[FEBRUARY ‘22] - THE LIFE/WRITING UPDATE NO ONE ASKED FOR (AND SOME QUICK LINKS)

happy february everyone! i hope you’re all doing well. i had a very good january actually, full of skiing holidays, general catching up with friends, chilling, ect. as you’ll see below, i didn’t do much reading/writing this month, but i think we all deserve a holiday, every once in a while :)

Anyway, before diving into more life/writing updates, here are some quick links to different blog pages you might not see on mobile :

FIC MASTERLIST

FIC RECS

WRITING ADVICE

ORIGINAL PIECES

OPINION PIECES & ASKS

FINANCIALLY SUPPORT MY WRITING (thank you!)

[NOTE: i am currently not accepting prompts]

Castles (chap 11) ETA: man, i don’t know. i haven’t touched the file since putting out last chapter, sorry.

links extended a/n-s: chapter v ; chapter vi & vii ; chapter viii ; chapter ix ; chapter x

[more life/writing updates under the cut]

WHAT I’M READING:

books:

i'm almost done (as in 26-pages-left) with enfant de salaud. i considered trying to finish it specifically for this post but this little thing called time got the best of me today. i'll talk about it more at length in next month's post but generally, it's a powerful book, but not my favourite from this author. i'm aiming to finish this one and get through 1984 on my kindle this month, but as i explained in last month's post, i'm not holding my breath on my reading anymore at this stage.

fics:

i’m still reading: knowing where to look by ala_baguette and still enjoying it. aside from that, i honestly haven’t touched anything since last december, my tbr is getting longer and longer - i really need to get back into the groove. i’m currently sort of looking for some seamus/dean content, something that would be a bit deep and interesting and my vibe? if anyone has recs in store, let me know.

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WHAT I’M WATCHING:

it’s funny, after months and months of watching almost nothing i enjoyed throughout the pandemic, i’m finally back in action with tv shows. i really missed the enthusiasm that a good show can bring. also the next season of peaky blinders is coming up in february (for the love of god let them give us the release date goddamn it), so i’m very excited for that.

in the meantime, here’s what i watched in january:

dexter, new blood: forget everything i said last month. don’t watch it. no need. no fucking point. i’m so mad. i don’t even want to talk about it.

stay close: as a writer myself, i have so much love and admiration for harlan coben and for the way he’s managed to develop a style of writing and fiction that is so recognisable. i basically grew up on his crime fiction and i turned on stay close not knowing it was one of his shows, and within five minutes, i was like “oh, this was written by harlan coben, wasn’t it?” it’s a good show, the actors are good, the characters interesting. it’s not the best crime drama i’ve ever watched, but i was definitely hooked. hc has a very specific way to drop in details and clue in his viewers/readers trying to find out whodidit/whathappened and i’m usually so used to his fiction i’ve gotten pretty decent at catching the hints (hello, safe), but here i couldn’t figure it out until almost the end. overall, a very good show if you’re into crime dramas.

mare of easttown: i’d added this to my to watch list after listening to the my dad wrote a porno podcast because they were promoting it and honestly, it’s a beautiful show. i watched it with my mum and we both really loved it. kate winslet is virtually unrecognisable in it, and all the characters just have so much depth and struggle and will to live. this is also built on a murder mystery and i kind of saw the final twist coming from miles away, but i also feel like the crime story is a bit of a subplot in the show, second to the relationships and the character development, which are absolutely incredible. watch this if you like strong, atypical, female characters, faithful depictions of female friendships, and stories about grief.

rules of the game: this is for all my silk fans out there, as it’s maxine peake’s newest venture. it’s … good? fine? i watched it all on sunday evening (it’s only 4 episodes); i’d read rather bad reviews going in so i was a bit worried, but i kind of see what happened to this show, now. on the plus side, it tackles a lot of themes i’m interested in (workplace sexual harrassment, the #metoo movement, mental health, etc.) and has a lot of decent actors in it. one thing i really enjoyed was that they put a lot of attention to tiny details of women’s “everyday” lives. for example, one of the characters struggles with substance abuse following a sexual assault, and at her first na meeting, a member of staff welcomes her, says “we’re all family, and everyone’s very nice. just stay away from the old creepy men who want you to explore all the twelve steps with you alone.” and it’s very cleverly treated as a joke in the series, but there’s such an underlying theme of “jesus christ, the patriarchy really is everywhere” that i thought was very cleverly done. i also loved the way they tried to explore the idea of how women themselves, who have been victims of predatory behaviours, can also become accomplices, and hos the world’s not all black and white around this issue. this being said, as i’ve read in many other reviews, the main issue with this series is that there is a planet-sized gap between maxine peake’s acting and a) the rest of the cast and, b) the general plausibility of the plot. her portrayal of the main character is just so good, and the rest of the show is just so meh, with so many cliches and incoherences, that it creates a weird inadequacy in the story. she carries the whole show on her shoulders, but she can’t possibly fix all of its problems. there is so much struggle, subtlety, humour, tragedy in her character and her acting is just so much better than everyone else’s, that all the other characters come out incredibly bland. the general plot of the show is also rather cliche - i sort of wish they’d have done this over 6/8 episodes rather than 4, i feel like they’d have been able to explore the complexities of the themes more. overall, though, if you’re a maxine fan like me, i’d definitely give it a go.

i also watched the hp reunion at the beginning of the month which brought so much joy and fluffy feelings to my heart. i loved it. i’m also one-and-a-half series into smother, which is an irish crime show - series two is airing on rte right now so i’ll probably do a full review next month. i’ve also started euphoria and … i don’t really get the hype? like, i might finish it, i might not, and i don’t know if it’s because i’m too old for it. i’ve seen a lot of “adults” say the show had too much sex/drugs in it which shocked a lot of people, but tbh, i don’t really care about that. my main issue with this show is that the characters are so fucking bland and the plot is so fucking sloooooow. i feel like i’m literally slugging through, like every bloody episode is the exact same (though, you could make the point that teenage life is incredibly repetitive, as i remember it) and at the end of the day, i wouldn’t care much if the main character actually did od. the webcam girl plot is funny and interesting but not very new, and neither is the ***spoiler alert never saw that one coming*** secretly gay football quarterback jock, haven’t we seen that story a million times? i genuinely feel like the only interesting character (and the reason i’ve stuck with the show so far) is the trans character portrayed by hunter schafer, whose acting and complexity is so much above everyone else’s. i’m mildly interested in her and couldn’t give a fuck about everyone else, so i’m not sure how long i’m going to stick with this just for her, if i’m honest. it’s a good show to watch… while staring at your phone half the time. look up every couple of minutes and you won’t have missed much except a dick pic or two and really, i don’t need more dick pics in my life, thanks.

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WHAT I’M LISTENING TO:

i’ve been on a the kooks binge all month as i went to see their gig last saturday and wanted to remind myself of their songs beforehand. the gig was honestly one of the highlights of my month - they played all the old classics like seaside and naive, and the room was buzzing with excitement - i think it was most people’s first post-pandemic gig. i’m going to see the dandy wharols in london in a couple of weeks so i need to get onto their playlist now, haha.

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WHAT I’M WRITING:

as i said above and kind of anticipated last month, i took january off writing. i was really tired at the start of the month, then i got a cold, then went on holidays, then tried and failed to do something about one of my best friend’s asshole, abusive boyfriend, and my mental health hasn’t honestly been the best.

however, the @thethreebroomsticksficfest is having another fest in march, for which i am going to try and finish that seamus/dean fic i’ve had sleeping on my hard drive since last june. this has postponed castles plans a bit as i’m not sure i’ll have time to work on both this month, but that means you should at least see something new come out on my end soon-ish.

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WHAT I’M DOING:

man, so many things have happened/are happening this month. for one, i’ve quit my job and moving onto a different one next month, with about three full weeks of freedom in between. with that time i intend to 1) write, 2) get through my never-ending list of errands and life admin shit i’ve been putting off the past few months and 3) i need to do a lot of painting work on my apartment which definitely needs a refresh. as i’ve mentioned, i’m also going to london for a long weekend (any recs welcome!) and starting my new creative writing class TONIGHT - for which i am so bloody nervous; for real, i can’t deal. oh, and i’ve gotten totally, completely, and wholeheartedly addicted to wordle. i have a feeling this break is going to pass in the blink of an eye.

sadly, as an end note, i’d also like to dedicate this post to a kind, loving and funny french bulldog named boris, who passed away very suddenly at the age of three, just a few days ago. boris was one of my best friend’s dog, and one of the bestest boy i knew. i saw him grow up, hung out almost every day for the first year of his short life, and have remained very close since. although boris wasn’t my dog, i’m just incredibly heartbroken over this, and of course, so is his human. my little boy, i don’t necessarily believe in heaven for us humans, but i do reckon there has to be a dog heaven somewhere. you all are too perfect not to. so, i hope you make loads of friends there (don’t growl too much at the other boys, please, there’s enough girls for you all), get all your favourite beds and tug toys, and buckets of those cashew nuts you used to love. here on earth, we all miss you terribly. i know that wherever you are, you can see how sad your mamma is, and i know you wish you could cuddle in next to her. we’ll help her through this, like you helped us through so much. sleep tight my love.

lots of love,

pebblysand.

[sylvie-writes]

Fighting For You

word count: 1530

request: Hi! Hello! Hey! I saw part of your conversation with the girl that is dating a cop and I was wondering if she’s okay with it of course, if you could use the “I’m fighting to come home to you” thing in a Steve x Reader thing?

a/n: this is part 1 of (undetermined) of me trying to finish requests that have been sent in ages ago. IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT AND THE QUALITY. it’s been hard to write but hopefully these will do. this was originally at 100 words, so i added some random subplot to bring up the count and I tried to make it relevant to the story. anyways, this isn’t proofread much so please excuse any mistakes.

It had been weeks of radio silence that often left your mind pacing while you tried to go through the day. Everything was gonna be fine.

Those five words became a mantra for the time being since Steve left and while he had warned you that no communication was a possibility on this mission, you still couldn’t help but feel anxious that something had gone wrong. Steve was never one to give up. 

It was a solo mission meaning Natasha, who you trusted to babysit Steve, was currently not with him. Instead she was playing babysitter for you and had now lured you into a personal “mission” at the orphanage. The redhead had recently divulged the secret that every Thursday afternoon when she disappeared for hours on end that she wasn’t out for a workout regime, but instead visiting the angels who so badly needed some adoration.

That night Steve left for his mission, Natasha had taken you out to dinner and a few drinks led to cries of sorrow and laughter. Tears pricked at her eyes and your own, when Natasha revealed that she didn’t want these kids to have an experience such as her years as an orphan. Somehow your conversation of the awful nachos on the bar counter had transferred into what your friend did when she disappeared midweek. When the words spilled from her mouth and she immediately apologized for oversharing, you were quick to reassure her with a fast and unexpected hug that almost knocked over the unsuspecting coffee mugs that had been sitting between you both. The mugs were empty from trying to sober you both up but they seemed to be doing nothing but getting in the way. Natasha never really opened up to you about her past despite almost knowing her longer than Steve, so this little exchange was a milestone in your friendship. 

Since that crazy dinner, you have been spending your Thursdays with the kids and Nat, putting on a fake smile that would turn genuine just at the sight of the children getting excited to see you. It took your mind off Steve, albeit for a few hours, but that was better than none. The kids always seemed to know what to say to cheer you up and you did the same for them. 

Last visit, you and Nat were given the privilege of speaking with the teens and this week you were given the opportunity to visit the little ones. More specifically, it was arts and crafts day and only seconds after walking in the door were you elbow deep in macaroni noodles and colorful string. 

About ten kids clobbered to sit around Nat as she demonstrated the making of macaroni noodles when you noticed a young girl in the corner and a social worker crouched on the ground with her, a lollipop in hand to coax the child. You could see the fear in the young girl's eyes as she clutched the tattered blanket to her chest. Those sweet brown eyes were so sparkly you were sure you would’ve remembered her which drew you to the conclusion that she was new. 

You directed two other children to Nat who was currently playing art teacher as you slowly approached the scene in the corner. The social worker looked up at you with a hopeful smile and held out his arms as if saying “all yours.” He handed you the lollipop and quickly explained that she was new before dashing off to help another worker. 

“Hey girly, what’s your name?”

You opted to sit criss cross on the floor, showing the girl that you planned on staying. She didn’t speak but instead turned to the wall. Silence filled the corner and you decided to speak up once more. 

“My name is (y/n), and I come here with my friend Nat. Today we were invited to make macaroni necklaces with you! Do you like crafts?” 

Some progress was made when you said Nat’s name and pointed her out to the child who had now turned to see what you were talking about. She softly shook her head when asked about arts and crafts and you gave a soft smile. Her hand quickly reached up to brush back a strand of short, black hair and you noticed the bracelet on her hand. It was a simple multi colored beaded bracelet that spelt out “VERA✿”

You reached out to grab her wrist and she complied, placing his arm in your hand. 

“Wow, this is so pretty! Did you make this, Vera?” She nodded her head and quietly began to speak. At this you internally jumped around with joy at such progress. 

���I like to make bracelets. My mommy used to make them with me, but then she left. Now I’m all alone.”

Her happy tone had turned dismal and a few tears crawled out of her eyes. Words never seemed to mean much to you, but her story made you choke back a sob. It seemed that the young girl hadn’t intended to spill the information, but she did, and now she was vulnerable. 

“Oh Vera, I understand it’s no fun to be alone,” You squeezed her hand lovingly and offered a comforting smile, “My friend, Steve, he had to leave a few weeks ago and I feel lonely, just like you, but you know what?”

She cocked her head at your question.

“I have other friends who take care of me and don’t make me feel lonely. So Vera, why don’t we go out and make necklaces. We can go make some friends who will always be for you, hon!”

She was apprehensive to agree but slowly stood and dragged behind you. Nat saw you come over and waved you and Vera to come join the little boy beside her who looked in need of a friend.

-

Macaroni necklaces were a success and so was getting Vera to socialize. She made friends with the little boy, Liam, and the two were the chattiest out of the whole bunch. In fact, they both talked so much they tuckered themselves out that you and Nat brought them back to their sleeping quarters with the rest of the children. Natasha stood in the hallway as Vera led you to her cot and proudly showed off her teddy bear that sat in the middle. From a distance Nat could see Vera placing her macaroni necklace around your neck as you crouched down. Vera stood back and proudly eyed her creation before giving you a tight hug.

“Don’t worry, your friend will come back.” This statement caused you to be taken aback and luckily Vera was too busy climbing into bed to notice your shocked expression.  “You told me you will come back and you are my friend, so I think he will too.”  Vera continued as she pulled her teddy bear close and you covered her scrawny shoulders with the same fleece blanket that was once used as a makeshift shield. Walking out the darkened room, Vera’s words left you wondering if Steve would ever really come back. 

-

As you and Nat drove home, all thoughts of Steve had momentarily dissipated leaving you with a second of bliss. 

Not even a moment after your laughter ceased at Nat’s story of Liam trying to eat raw noodles, the ringer designated for Steve rang and your shaky hand voluntarily went to answer.

“Steve?”

“Hey, love,” Steve’s voice came out in a hushed whisper but a rough chuckle tumbled out with it, “You sound surprised to be hearing from me?”

“I thought something had happened to you. I-”

You were at a loss of words and Steve seemed to know this. 

“(y/n), I’m fighting to come home for you. Never doubt that.”

His words seemed so sweet yet cringe so you could help but make a joke, “Wow, I didn’t know you were a motivational speaker on the side.”

Steve’s familiar laugh came through the receiver, “See, that is another reason I want to come home, so I can listen to your terrible jokes!”

Playfully offended you added, “Hey! They aren’t as bad as yours. I mean dad jokes, c’mon you can do better than that Rogers.”

“Yeah, yeah. We can settle this debate when I see you tonight.” You could practically hear the smirk in Steve’s voice because he knew darn well that he had just shocked you with this revelation of information. Your silence confirmed this for Captain and he proudly continued on.

“Well, I gotta finish cleaning up here, so I’ll see you for dinner, doll. Love you!”

All you could do was return the affection before hanging up and allowing the enormous smile to finally take over your face as it had been waiting to do so for so long. 

“So, what should I wear?” Natasha took her eyes off the road and looked at you with a cheesy grin of her own. For a majority of the ride home, the two of you babbled about Steve like middle school girls on a first date.

Steve never failed to keep a promise to you and he wasn’t planning to do so now.

[goji-pilled]

welcome to part 7, where nothing from epidsode 7 is mentioned!!! now witb added romance subplot, crushed crushes, and angy blueberry!!! welcome to part 7 of "Homura Makes a New Friend!"

also this may have been longer than usual, nd has some fluff in th start. only a tiny bit tho.

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"I've gotta say, it's nice to see you making more friends as you grow up Lili. To think, it almost feels as though it was yesterday when you first came to Mitakihara."

Standing at the front door was a tall man with glasses and an apron wrapped around his body. In his arms was a little tyke that made grabby hands at the blonde standing next to Kyouko, babling about "Sisa" in the baby language kids have before they get smart.

She did not at all, in the slightest, shift her arms to open them up for a little bundle of life before crossing her arms. Don't be ridiculous.

"Now, I believe we should introduce ourselves. My name is Kaname Tomohisa, and this is little Tatsuya. Say hi Tat-kun!" The father turned himself to have the child face Kyouko, a spark lighting up in the kids eyes as he saw the redhead and heard his papa's words. Tat-kun waved a chubby fist and said "hi!" before turning back to Blondie; Kyouko waved back, not noticing Tomohisa's stare.

Be strong Kyouko. Be strong.

"Now, I know that Lili would go on an impassioned speech on who you are, but I'd like to hear from the girl herself." The man said that so casually, almost as if Blondie had that problem with every person she called a friend. Based on what happened earlier today and how said girl was blushing, probably happened often.

"Name's Sakura Kyouko sir. Just met your daughter one day and now I'm here, nothing special." Minus the whole I almost killed her and her friend deal, but what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. "She said she wanted to know each other better, make it a sleepover one day. Figured why not? Don't really have anything else to do."

Papa Kaname must've been fine with that as soon Kyouko found herself in a very clean and modern house that screamed upper-middle class. It was a lot cozier than what she's every had before, when she's been on her own for so long. It'd be nice to not hafta sneak into an empty hotel room or a dingy apartment in butt-fuck nowhere.

Just as she was appreciating the nice white and off-grey minimalist living room Kyouko felt a hand grab her own. Turning her head she saw Blondie give her a cold look before sending a smile towards her old man.

"We'll be upstairs Tomohisa-san, we'll come back down whenever dinner is ready - do you need any help tonight?" Blondie had not so subtly pushed the shorter redhead towards the stairs but waited at the threshold of the kitchen. Papa Kaname looked to be cutting up some apple slices for Tat-kun while a pot simmered on a stove.

"Don't worry Lili, I have things taken care of here. Go on to your room, get to know your new friend and gossip over any handsome boys or cute girls you saw today." That teasing tone laced in the soft smile sent to his daughter, it reminded Kyouko of the good memories she had...

"Dad!"

Blushing a cute pink that went well with the bee hairdo, Blondie started to push her up the stairs and down the hall to an end room. Once at the door the presumed owner swung the door inward and tossed themselves in, shutting the door with a soft click.

The room wasn't much to look at, standard tween girl's bedroom with comfy bed and pillows that were dressed in blue sheets. The window next to the bed held little knick-knacks and photos that belonged to Blondie, smiling faces of blue, yellow, and green facing the head of the bed. On the desk looked like some wind-up musical box that was left open upside down, the miniature dancer twirling on a stage with a gaudy dress.

Wasn't that much more than her old bedroom, but Kyouko didn't have complaints.

Taking a seat at the desk, mindful of the open notebook filled with blue doodles, Kyouko turned to face the blonde who sat on the cushy bed.

"...So, first thing's first, ya got a name or are people just calling ya random shit?" It was something that bugged Kyouko when she heard three different people who were (arguably) suppossed to be the kid's friends all call her different things.

"Oh, uh, yes I do have a name. It's just that I don't like my name anymore, so I let people call me whatever they want. Sometimes I give people names to call me, but there are only two people who actually know what my name is." The kid had hunched in on herself, pulling out the blue ribbon out from her hair and letting the mess of black and yellow flow freely down her face. Some got in her mouth and she let out a sputter to spit it out.

"Hmph, alright kid, I'll humour ya. Dunno how or why somebody would just give up their name, but I ain't one to judge. Live and let live I guess..."

Kyouko had started to lean back in the chair she sat in, balancing on two legs before twirling the entire seat to lean on the desk. She scrutinized the blonde before her, a sudden memory of Mami waking up in the morning when she crashed one night coming to mind. She shoved that memory into a barrel filled with concrete and tossed into the ocean of her subconscious.

"The next thing, Lilith," the kid perked up at the name, combing golden locks away from her face, "what was up with all that nonsense with short, dark, and edge back there? Having trouble in paradise or something?" It was an honest question, one she hoped wasn't actually accurate. She caught the tail-end of their spat after having to mask her prescence and dull her sense to hide from them, and then heard the slap all the way up top.

She stabbed Super Strong Girl and then nabbed Blondie - er, Lilith - before ending up here when her kidnappe said she wanted to talk.

Lilith stopped combing her hair back, strands tangled in between her fingers as her body went rigid. The blush didn't fade from her face yet, it actually seemed to grow deeper.

"It-it wasn't like that! Akemi-san is cool and all, and yeah sometimes I have these drea-thoughts! Thoights of her sometimes, but that doesn't mean anything! It'd be nice if she saw me as a friend but, but it's fine if she's not!" Oh boy, this girl was down bad.

"And our fight was- well..." Her eyes harden, shoulders hunched up as a finger twirled some hair. "It was about her, and my friends, and the whole thing about Magical Girls..."

"Ah, trying to keep up that stupid ideal, huh? Just like Tomoe and that Sayaka chick?" A smirk played against her lips, the Crimson Lancer crossing her arms as a smug aura enveloped her.

"Actually, it's about how they - and I guess you too - are all fighting for no reason. Witches, I mean! Fighting Witches for no reason!" Huh? The fuck did she mean by that?

There must've been something funky on Kyouko's face, 'cause Lilith started going on about how they were trapped in a cycle of endless fighting. A trap where the only escape was death, stuck in an endless battle, on a meangiless battlefield. Then she went on about how she had to live with the fact that three people she cares about are - not if, will! - doomed to die and she can't do anything about.

Then she started talking about the rookie.

"I can guess what senpai, er Tomoe?" She looked at Kyouko, an unasked question in her eyes; Kyouko waved it off. "Senpai could've wished to survive or to live, but I know what Sayaka-san wished for. Her heart is always in the right place, but it was as you said earlier, she wished to help someone else.

"A childhood friend of hers, Kamijou Kyousuke-" Damn girl, what did he do to you?! "was in an accident that caused him to lose feeling in his hands. Like, he lost his arms even though they were still attached to him. Sayaka had gone to a show where she saw him play the violin when they were young, and she fell in love with the music. But over the years she ended up thinking that she fell in love with him."

Wow, this was seriously winding her up. Lilith actually stood up and started pacing around the room, following a groove indented in the floor.

"So Sayaka-san ends up visiting him nearly every day to comfort him and help him move on, but this stupid country and its stupid- Mmm. He can't see past anything but his broken arms and doesn't even realize what he has right there in front of him! His stupid self-worth issues are hurting Sayaka-chan and she doesn't deserve that!

"I know this country has stupid ideals on self-worth and work and being not-broken, but Sayaka-chan keeps throwing herself at this boy that can't even open his eyes to see his friend trying to help him! Her kindness and love are burning her and Sayaka-chan just wants someone to love her, to be with her, like everyone else. She wants something she doesn't have but she can't see that she can have that! She can-is! Loved, but she only ever looks at that stupid boy and not-"

Lilith had been pacing around, breathe growing sharper and shallower, as her eyes wore a glistening coat. She eventually fell back on her bed and slumped herself into a ball, tears falling as she tries to compose herself.

Kyouko thought back to that journal behind, the blue doodles and that little rant she witnessed. The redhead planted the chair bavk down and stood up, taking a few steps. She sat herself next to Lilith's form and placed a hand on the girl's arm, a warmth eminating out from the palm. She should've seen the koala hug coming.

They stayed like that for a moment, Kyouko rubbing circles on Lilith's back as the lovestruck kid tried to reign her tears back.

"I-i'm sor-ry. I shou-shouldn't be rambli-ing about this. B-B-But she's my b-best friend, and sh-she helped me fit in, when I-I-I firsted moved here and-"

"Shhh... It's okay kiddo. Just let it out. It's been a freaky couple of weeks, huh?"

"Mhmm!"

"... Ya know, I get where your comin' from, a bit." Kyouko briefly thought to herself, if she was really gonna go through with this, air out her dirty laundry to a randy. Then her mind said fuck it and her conscious rose from the grave to smack her mind for even thinking of sayin' "no".

"Sayaka was- is a kinda rock for you, right? Someone you looked up to and wanted to do right by?"

"Ye-ah..."

"So ya went with the flow, started out as friends and then ended up as besties? Figure that was the highest your relationship was gonna be? Then you look at 'em one day and just..."

A memory of Mama, Momo, and Mami at a kitchen table. Smiling. Laughing. Happy.

"...yeaah..."

"Yeah... but then thinga happen, and suddenly thinga are different. Too different between then and now, and the now was having a buncha shit thrown your way?"

Lilith nodded her head, buried in the crook of Kyouko's soggy neck.

"So ya latch onto anything and anyone that you can lash out at, and hope that'll help fix things. That it'll make the pain go away?"

A bridge during winter, Mami at one end and Kyouko at the other.

A sniffle and another nod.

"Yeah... I'm in the same boat too kid... found out Mami got a new recruit and... saw too much of me in yer friend. I'm sorry, if I made the gap too wide now."

"No... don't be... it's only right and fair of us to be angry, when the people we love hurt us. We just have to do better, and be better for them. For ourselves. For each other."

"Hmph... I can get behind that..."

The two girls stayed there, clutching eavh other as the world remained silent around them. The sunset colouring themselves in reds and oranges, of the colors of passion. Eventually Kyouko decided to break the silence.

"Hey, Lilith? How about I set things right?" The crybaby had finally stopped shedding tears and lifted her head off of Kyouko's shoulder; Welp, she needed to clean her hoodie anyway.

"I'll go set set things straight between me and yer friends, try and patch things up with Mami and Sayaka. Then you find your super friend and patch things up, and make sure she doesn't snap me in two fer makin' ya cry?" Lilith let out a giggle, muttering something about "Akemi-chan wouldn't do that" before a smile bloomed on her face.

"*sniff* Deal, Sakura-san."

"Please, Lilith, call me Kyouko."

...

...

That was how Sakura Kyouko, infamous drifter and street rat of Kazamino, ended up with temporary room and board at the Kaname's. She made sure to at least earn her stay by keeping up with chores and babysitting, when she wasn't out hunting at least.

Things were... actually really nice at the Kaname's pad. Sure the entire family was always a smack in the face with how close to home they all were, but Kyouko could handle it. They were also very accommodating when Tatsuya ended up screaming during a tantrum and sent the redhead into a spiral; Tat-kun, bless his heart, even promised not to scream around her anymore.

Things were nice, they were great actually. Then the night at the overpass happened.

...

...

"What are you doing here?"

Miki Sayaka was currently stanced in front of a gate that led to a manor of a mansion behind it. The Kamijou Estate, dark except for a scarce few lights in the windows.

"Was out on a stroll, been doin' some thinkin'. Came around here when I found out the name of the guy you wished on." Kyouko made sure to make herself look small and relaxed, get it in the rookie's head that she wasn't looking for a fight.

"So... that's the guy 'eh? Not my tastes, but then again I have high standards." She strolled up to stand next to Sayaka, the taller girl befuddled by the docile act. "Gotta ask though, didn't Tomoe ever tell about how selfless wishes end up goin' bad for us? Figured, with our history and all..."

Ooo she can feel those pearly whites grinding.

"You ever thought up of any better ideas to try and get him ta look at ya, or did you actually think you wanted to help him?"

"What!? Are you seriously still going on about that?! Yeah, Mami gave me the same warning, that a wish is better used on yourself. That sort of thinking isn't right to me, though, so I used it to help someone I cared about! I bet it was a lot more selfless than whatever you wished for?"

Jeeze this girl... No, stay calm Kyouko, stay calm. You promised Lilith.

"It may not be a law, but it does sorta feel like more than just some philosphy rookie. For every act of hope there will be an equal amount of despair that'll follow it; light bigets dark and that shit." Kyouko pulled a hand out from her pocket, an open box of Pokey held out. Sayaka merely scoffed at the offer before walking away.

"Ya didn't hafta keep comin' back to him. Ya coulda just left him to cool off before makin' that wish, so why didn't you?" The taller girl stopped midstep, arching her neck back to look at the redhead. "Jus' sayin'. If I were in your shoes, even if I was head over heels for someone, I wouldn't waste my time with trying to help someone who didn't want it."

Sayaka fully turned around now, a frown marring her face. That ring on her hand, was it always sparking like that?

"Just what the heck would you know about that?! How'd you even learn about-" Sayaka pointed her ringed finger at Kyouko, question dying on her lips as she muttered something under breathe. She clenched her hand into a fist, before opening it up to cup her Soul Gem between both hands. In a flash of light and water Sayaka shifted into her uniform.

"We're settling this, now! For everything you said and did that day!" God dammit, this girl... the hell does Lilith see in her?

Kyouko didn't say anything to the instigator. The Crimson Lancer merely shrugged her shoulders, she gave it a shot, and started walking down the estate path.

"Fine then rookie. Follow me, wouldn't want anyone to see you get yer ass kicked now would you?"

It wasn't long before the two combatants found themselves on an empty overpass, the freeway so far down below them that any drivers wouldn't be able to see the flashy stuff up above. Sayaka had already fell into a ready stance, cutlass held in a fierce grip as she stared at her prey with murder in her eyes. It'd be scary if Kyouko didn't already know that the rookie was still a bjt green. The redhead had pocketed away her snacks in her hoodie, hand grasping for her Soul Gem.

"Sayaka-san!" / "Sakura-san."

The hell? Glancing behind her were the owners of the two recognizable voices. Lilith was currently tugging back a very peeved Mami by the puffy sleeve, the rifle the Sharpshooter carried looking more intricate and detailed than the mock ones from their fight. Why the hell were they here? How the hell did they know where to look?

"Stay outta this Errika!" The fuck, aren't they supposed to be besties?!

Facing forwards again Kyouko saw a look of utter betrayal and hate being sent through her. She heard a cross between a gasp and a cry come from behind her; since when were Lilith and Sayaka not on speaking terms?!

"Sakura-san, I had hoped that after our prior engagment that you would leave things be. How unfortunate to know that you've sought out to harass my pupil once more." And Mami is still bitter 'bout that, this is just great.

"Believe it or not Tomoe-san, I didn't instifate this fight. Your student over there challenged me after I tried to have a diplomatic conversation!" What was the point? The damage had been done, but she at least could put the idea that she was telling a truth, if not the truth. It must've worked 'cause Mami seemed to at least stop approaching, even if there was still doubt in her eyes.

"It may be difficult to comprehend, Sakura Kyouko, however you're actions have left us little reason to believe you." Oh for fuck's sake! Sure enough standing behind Sayaka was a decked out Akemi Homura, teleporting next to the Knight when the rookie swung behind her.

There was a tense silence as the four left themselves in a standstill. Sayaka was still poised to attack, likely itching to swing at both Kyouko and Akemi. Mami had shifted her grip to be ready to fire at a moment's notice, potential targets and weak points charted out for her pea shooters and rifles. Akemi was stock still as she stood in full garb, wind blowing her hair back as she stared disinterestedly at the others; she'd probably be able to obliterate them all in the blink of an eye.

Kyouko was still in her civi clothes, and while she may still be more durable than the average human, she very much liked these clothes.

"... Fine then, I'll make the first move!"

And that's when it all happened.

Kyouko swung her hand out of her pocket, Soul Gem in hand. Sayaka launched a blade from her hilt before the Lancer finished speaking. Mami had lined up her shot and preemptively fired to disarm her ex-partner.

Kyouko's hand was cut clean off from the wrist by a blade, and her dismembered hand was shot off into the air.

Akemi gasped and the teleported as she saw the hand, the Crimson Soul Gem, fly off the bridge and into the freeway. Lilith screeched out a heartwreching "No!" before trying to fling herself off the edge to catch the gem.

Then Sakura Kyouko passed out, life fleeing out of her body, as she became nothing more than a corpse.

---

ain't i a stinkah? tune in to part eight, the part that is supposed to be this AU's version of episode 8. th epsiode known as "I'm Such a Fool". r u excited?! just three more or so after this nd th AU will be complete!

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

if im excited for "episode" 8 they ask, as if you dont already know that its gonna fucking break me on every level imaginable-

also.

[mego42]

hi! a song inside the halls of the dark is an absolute masterpiece of plotting and pacing (and prob my fave fic I’ve read for the show so far), so for the ask a writer meme, I’d love to hear about your planning process(es). the idea of even plotting out something like that, let alone actually finishing it, just breaks my brain lol. do you do a lot of outlining? how much does the outcome end up looking like the ideas that sparked it?

adsfghgsj okay well first off, thank you! that is unspeakably flattering and i don’t know how to cope! my weird robot emotions are misfiring! but also, thank you for this question bc this is the kind of nerd shit i LIVE FOR and up until, idk, 5? 6? months ago my answer would’ve more or less been ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but sometime in between now and then i leveled up how much of a nerd i am.

okay so, the short answer to your (first) question is yes, i do a lot of outlining though the scale of outline varies based on the complexity of the story. in song’s case, how i outline actually evolved significantly over the course of writing it (see that level up) and if i were to outline it today, it would look very different from what i originally started with.

the short answer to your second question is in song’s case, the original idea was a v short, almost fluffy stuck in a hotel room for a night one shot i daydreamed up while listening to a halsey song (is there somewhere, if you were wondering). obvs what it turned into was uh, v different.

digging into how i outline is going to get long, excessively nerdy and borderline terrifying so i’m hiding the rest of this under the cut, read at your own risk.

I preface everything here with a couple of reminders:

1. i am a crazy person who straight up does not know how to have hobbies like a normal person

2. i am actively trying to push myself and grow as a writer including developing new skills and training myself to practice certain habits bc at some point I would like to push myself out of the nest and try my hand at original fiction one day with a vague goal of maybe seeing if i could get it published. idk if i’ll ever actually do that BUT in the meantime, i do stuff like the nightmare that follows to myself

initial outline / what happens next list

okay so the most basic of my outlines (and how i originally outlined song) are p much just lists of what happens next. i do them as bullet lists bc my brain finds them less intimidating and i just start with one and then ask myself what happens next. sometimes the bullets are v vague, sometimes they get so specific i end up writing what becomes dialogue, i try not to think too hard about it, i just keep asking what happens next.

it’s really specifically about what happens next, not asking myself what i want to happen in the story, bc next implies the bullet before informs the one after, so you end up with an overall picture of what you want with a base level of causality built in. it also gives you room to surprise yourself (i think literally every what happens next outline i’ve done has had me going oh, okaaaaaay at some point).

sometimes, this is all you need. for trade my heart for honey, i started and stopped here bc at the end of the day, the skeleton for that fic is super basic: beth and rio attempt to play pool without tripping over their horrendous sexual tension. they fail. the end.

for your monster looks like mine, i did a version of the what happens next list, but i brought in some of my tricks from the pace structuring method i’ve been honing for the multi-chapter i’m currently planning. instead of mapping tentpole beats by story pace, i mapped tentpole beats for what points i wanted beth and rio to be scoring against each other and then mapped out the lead-up and fallout to connect the two and also what they were doing to each other physically at the same time so i could see how it all played together so the conversation supported the smut and vice versa. it was a TOTALLY normal approach to writing pwp. not over the top at all. 

song’s original outline was basically a SUPER long what happens next list and if i could go back in time i would slap myself upside the head like bitch you have no idea what you’re getting into and you are WAY TOO COCKY ABOUT IT, but it’s okay i learned.

the spreadsheet method

somewhere around when i was in the middle of i want to say ch 9 of song, @pynkhues posted about her outlining process including a super awesome spreadsheet she uses (i cannot for the life of me find the original post, forgive me but know that it was hers) and i immediately jacked a version of it to use as my own and oh my god it changed my whole life. 

iirc hers was a bit more in depth but since i was sort of baby-stepping into it, i stripped it down into the following and did a sheet for each of the remaining chapters (well, ch 10 and ch 11, ch 11 ended up getting wildly out of control so i split it in two and mushed the epilogue i’d been planning onto the end of it as a closing breakout scene:

plot

character

it’s a lot of repetition, tbh BUT once i started using it, i found the repetition was incredibly clarifying and by making myself take the time to go through each column and go through the same stuff over and over, it honed in on the strongest, most relevant bits of what i was planning and helped me see patterns and connections i maybe hadn’t been thinking of on the onset.

when i outlined swear i used this method and added a layer to my chapter overviews where i track the lies and corresponding truths worked into the chapter narratives (bc that’s a key theme of the story), and color-coded the beats that corresponded to the main plot vs individual character arcs vs foreshadowing so i’d have an at a glance visual reference to make sure nothing was getting lost and all of the characters (even minor ones) had stuff happening to them and didn’t just feel like cardboard cutouts coming in and out of the story as i needed them

pace structuring

these are all fine and dandy but one thing they’re missing is pacing! for song’s pacing, i will be real with you, i v much went a lot with my gut. i’ve spent most of my life consuming and paying a lot of attention to stories. i’m fascinated with how they come together and literally cannot shut off the part of my brain that likes to pick them apart to examine the pieces to see how they all fit together. as such, it’s left me with a p instinctive grasp for how a story should feel when it’s working which is fantastic when it is, but really useless when it isn’t bc i struggle to identify where and why sometimes so i can fix it.

for the buffyverse, once i started to realize (with no small amount of horror) the scope of what i wanted to write, i realized p quick i needed some kind of tool kit to help me figure out the arc and pacing bc this was going to be a lot closer to trying to plot a whole novel from the ground up (which is great bc one of the things i want to practice is pacing and plotting out novels from the ground up, hahaha)

i’ve been working with a two main docs (and neither of them are spreadsheets, yet, bc one thing the spreadsheet method taught me it’s that while i find them very soothing, my brain works in bullet lists so i’m starting with bullets and then i’m gonna strain it through a spreadsheet):

1. Thoughts:

just a doc where I word vomit out anything I’m thinking, I don’t worry about keeping it organized, I just throw whatever I’m thinking in there so it’s memorialized and I can sort through it later.

2. Act Timelines / Scene Breakdowns:

basically, i have a basic three-act story structure with tentpole story beats broken out by general ballpark percentages of how far into the story/act they should occur for the pacing to feel right. i use that as the framework i run my plot and character beats through and do it in a couple of passes:

high level: i go through and break out what’s happening in the story for each tentpole beat (what the specific story and plot focus is)

by character: i go through and fill in (at least) one sub-bullet beneath each plot tentpole beat with what’s happening with each main character in their individual subplot, how they got there, what their general feelings and mindset is, if they’re having any revelations, etc (one thing i fucked up with song is not making sure i had stuff going on for all of the characters, the plot was super focused on beth and while i generally knew what rio was doing and why, ruby and annie more or less floated in and out of the story at whim and i hate that, so i’m trying to be better about it going forward)

by relationship: now i go in and fill in a layer of bullllets with how the plot and character beats are shaping relationships and how they’re progressing through each tentpole beat

at this point i’ve got a pretty fleshed out outline hitting on plot, character and relationship development at least in broad, general terms. i can look at it like a map and see how characters are growing and changing throughout the story and look for areas where the plot is pushing the characters vs the other way around and places where it seems weak or poorly connected/supported and i tinker with that for awhile until i feel like it’s in good shape.

next step is applying the what happens next approach to the scene by scene breakdowns. i’m trying an experiment with this one where instead of breaking the fic into chapters first, i’m breaking it into scenes and working out the beats of them so they incorporate all of my outlined stuff and then i’m gonna go back and see where the chapter breaks look like they fall.

I’m like, 75% of the way through my scene breakdown for this particular fic and once I’m done with that, I’m going to take everything and plug it into the spreadsheet I worked with for the last couple of chapters of song and highlight/color code like I did for swear to make sure my chapter breakdowns align with everything I’m trying to do and I’m tracking all of my themes and details and setting things up to pay them off later.

so, you know, an absolutely normal amount of planning for a hobby i do entirely for funsies in my largely nonexistent spare time. 

(sorry this was i am assuming WAAY MORE INFORMATION than you ever wanted or needed to know but once i started i couldn’t stop)

(and seriously, thank you, am truly verklempt that you love song like that 💖)

bts fic writing q’s IF YOU DARE hahaha

[captainsolare]

Summary: Hitoshi Shinso, manager of Open Mic coffee shop, is part of a Lonely Hearts Club, a club where you place ads in the newspaper to meet potential partners. You and Shinso have been corresponding via letters for months, falling for each other even though you have never met, nor have any idea as to what you look like. When you walk into the very coffee shop he works at, looking for a job, will you find a rival, or a soulmate? 

Word Count: 8,921

Tags: SheLovesMe AU , Coffeeshop AU, Quirkless AU , f!reader, enemies to lovers 

Characters: Y/N, Shinso, Midoriya, Denki, Mina, Hizashi Yamada (Present Mic), Shouta Aizawa (Eraserhead)

A/N: This was a huge labor of love for me, I adapted my favorite musical into a BNHA Coffee shop AU and I enjoyed every second of it. I decided to post this today (Oct. 6th) to celebrate my 5 month anniversary of becoming a writing blog. I hope you enjoy it! This is not a direct copy of the musical, I took a lot of the plot points out of my adapted story line and added things of my own of course. There are a few direct quotes from the musical embedded in here! 

TW:  If you watch the original musical, there are mentions of attempted suicide. In my written adaptation, that is not included because it is a subplot and irrelevant.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did creating it. Special thanks to @library-of-grimoires​ for helping me brainstorm ideas for which BNHA character I chose. 

--------

The air was warm with the last dregs of summer, a slight breeze stirring the air. Mina and Kaminari were outside the Open Mic coffee shop, getting ready to open up for the day. A delivery boy sped past on his bike, ringing the bell with a wave. Mina waved at him, taking a break from cleaning the outer windows. Denki was sweeping the sidewalk, but stopped to wipe his brow. “You know, we should totally skip work today and go on a picnic or something.” Mina smiled and stretched, “I know right! The weather feels amazing today.” 

Shinso and Midoriya came strolling up, overhearing their friends’ conversation. Shinso chuckled, “Too bad Aizawa would kill us if we did.” Midoriya nodded in agreement and Denki hung his head, “Yeah, you’re right.” Shinso went inside, surveying the progress Mina and Denki had already made. The chairs were placed at the tables, the counter was clean, the fridge was stocked, Midoriya flipped the sign on the door to, “Open,” and they braced themselves for the morning rush. 

When things finally slowed down, Shinso leaned on the counter, being the manager of this shop wasn’t easy, but luckily he had something to get him through the tough days. He absentmindedly brought his hand to his apron pocket, the letter from his “Dear friend” was there, its presence almost comforting. “Thinking about your, “friend” again?” Denki asked, the air quotes conveying exactly what he thought of the situation. Shinso smiled lazily at him, “And if I am?” Denki frowned, “Did she at least include a photo this time? Have you set a date to meet yet?” Shinso stood up, “No. And no.” 

Aizawa came down from the upstairs loft with a frown, “Less chatting, more coffee making!” He yelled, before strolling out the front door. “Yes sir!” Everyone called after him. Hizashi padded down the stairs after him, “Oh ignore him, he’s in a grumpy mood today. The man never gets enough sleep at night.” Hizashi soon directed his attention on Shinso and he cringed, knowing what was coming. “So, Hitoshi, when are you going to settle down? You’ve been a bachelor for way too long.” Shinso stammered out some excuse, but luckily a delivery boy arrived, interrupting the awkward conversation. “Ooh! They’re here!” Hizashi exclaimed, clapping his hands excitedly. 

“What’s here?” Midoriya asked, observing the piles of boxes arriving that they’d need to unpack. “Why, only the best thing ever!” Hizashi exclaimed, opening one of the boxes and pulling out a black leather box. He opened it and a happy little tune played, Hizashi’s smile widening as it played. After the tune stopped, there was silence, “Okay, that’s great sir. But what is it for?” Denki asked. “To hold things!” He exclaimed, as if it were obvious. “But, will anyone buy them?” Shinso asked. 

Hizashi laughed outright at that, “You’ll see! These will be selling like hotcakes.” He caught sight of Shinso’s quirked eyebrow and smirked. “I’ll make you a bet kid, I bet we’ll sell our first one within 1 hour.” Hizashi emphasized one by sticking a finger in his face, Shinso backed up, hands raised in defense, “I really don’t want to take your money, sir.” 

“Oh I see, the coward doesn’t want to lose his money.” Mina teased, piping up from where she was restocking the cabinets. Shinso bristled at her comment, “Alright, you’re on!” One by one customers trailed in, and each time, Hizashi tried to get them to buy his musical “holding boxes.” Each time, he was unsuccessful, leaving Shinso with a big smile on his face. 

Hizashi had to go to the upstairs loft for a moment, and Shinso checked his watch. Only 10 minutes left. The front door chimed and Shinso stood up straight, “Hello ma’am, can I get you anything today?”

You glanced at him, a nervous expression on your face. “No.” You said. Shinso was slightly taken aback, “Uh… Okay.” You stood there, a blank expression on your face for a moment, Shinso started to turn away, needing to attend to something when you seemingly snapped out of it. “Oh actually yes.” Shinso smoothed his apron and turned back to face you, plastering a smile on his face, “Okay, would you like a tea?” “No.” You replied. 

One by one he went through all the items on the menu, and you said no to all of them. “Pardon me, but that’s,” Shinso paused awkwardly, “everything on the menu.” He shot a glance at Midoriya, hoping his coworker could offer some semblance of help, but he only shrugged his shoulders and began helping the next customer that came in. “Is Mr. Aizawa here by chance? Or Mr. Yamada?” You asked, gripping the handle of your bag with what looked like white knuckle strength. 

Shinso cocked his head, “Maybe, I think they’re upstairs.” You looked hopeful at his words, standing up a little taller, but your hopes were dashed when he finished, “But, they’re both very busy today.” “Oh,” You said, crestfallen, “I don’t mind waiting!” You said, striding over to one of the nearby tables and sitting down, Shinso came out from behind the counter to follow you. “May I ask why you need to speak with them? As the manager, I can take a message.” You shook your head adamantly, “I’d rather speak with them directly if possible.” You clenched your hands together awkwardly, playing with your fingers. Shinso let out a small, almost inaudible sigh, “Okay, can I ask your name at least?” “L/N! Y/N L/N.” You replied. “Okay Ms. L/N, I’ll go tell them you’re here.” 

Shinso started to leave, motioning to Midoriya that he’d be back soon, but you stopped him by tapping his shoulder. He stiffened at the sudden contact but turned to face you with a smile on his face, Oh the joys of customer service. “Yes ma’am?” He asked. You cocked your head to the side, demeanor as awkward as when you first walked in, “One more thing, you’re still, hiring right?” You asked. Shinso narrowed his eyes, “Are you… looking for a job?” 

You put your hands up, “Guilty as charged!” You admitted, chuckling a little. Shinso pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, Seriously? I’m not even in charge of hiring. A job? In this economy? Shinso began to walk away once more, as more customers were entering the shop and he needed to actually do his job. “I’m a great barista!” You called after him, there was no way you were missing this chance. “I know coffee like nobody’s business! I even have a letter of recommendation.” Denki made eye contact with Shinso, gesturing that he had the new customers covered and so he turned back to you. “A letter of recommendation? For a coffee shop gig?” He asked. You nodded, muttering to yourself as you rummaged around in your bag for your letter. You kept putting item after item into his arms, only serving to get him even more annoyed than he already was. What the heck is this girl’s problem? Suddenly it was like a lightbulb went off as you remembered where you had actually put the letter, you reached into your back pocket and pulled it out, “Aha! Here it is!” You looked at Shinso and seeing his look of irritation, sheepishly held your bag open so he could put your things back inside. He unceremoniously did so and gritted his teeth, “Look, I’m sure you’re wonderful. And I’m sure that letter is really something, but the truth is, we aren’t hiring right now.” 

Your face fell, “What? But I saw on the website that---” At that moment, Aizawa appeared, “What’s going on here Shinso?” He asked, eyes flicking between the two of you, “Perhaps I can be of assistance.” Shinso put his hand on his hip smugly, “She wants a job.” He said, gesturing towards you with his thumb. “What?!” Aizawa exclaimed, taken aback, “Out of the question.” He began to walk away from you, people seemed to be doing that a lot to you lately, but you followed him, trying to stand up for yourself and give him the letter. 

You looked around desperately, looking for any chance to prove yourself. Your eyes zeroed in on the back wall display, a woman was looking at a leather box. You strode over, confidence renewed, “Aren’t these just wonderful?” You piped up, smiling at the woman. She glanced at you, “I suppose so, but what are they for?” You sent Shinso a panicked glance but he simply shook his head, not willing to help you in this situation. You shake off his rejection and turned back to the customer, stretching your hands out to her. She placed the box in your hands, watching to see what you’d do with it. 

You opened the box and the tune began to play, “Why, it’s a musical jewelry box of course!” You said with a smile. Shinso blinked, A musical jewelry box? Seriously? The woman tipped her head, “A musical jewelry box? Why would I need one of those?” You studied her for a moment, eyes drawn to her engagement ring. “Pardon me for asking ma’am, but do you by chance have a partner at the moment?” The woman nodded with a smile, glancing down at her ring. “And you like jewelry?” The woman nodded once more. Your face brightened with a smile, “Well, this is perfect for you! If you buy this box, your partner will have no choice but to buy you jewelry to put in it.” 

Shinso watched this exchange with a roll of his eyes, shoving down the fear that maybe he’d lose his bet. “And the tune?” You continued, “Whenever your partner hears it, they’ll know how much you appreciate the gifts they gave you. Just imagine the smile on their face, all because of this box.” Hizashi came downstairs near the end of this exchange, watching with a smirk on his face. “I’ll take it!” The woman says. Shinso chokes as Hizashi practically cheers at the sale. He rushes down the stairs grabbing your hands and saying, “You’re hired!” Shinso’s jaw drops, “What?!” 

Shinso stood there, dumbstruck at the whole situation. Hizashi snapped him out of it with a tap to his shoulder, “Now Shinso, if you please.” He said, extending his hand. Shinso grumbled while he fumbled in his pockets for the money they had bet. He watched you conversing with your new coworkers and he grumbled once more, the irritation bubbling within him. “I’m taking my break.” He muttered, strolling out the front door and heading to a nearby bench. He wasn’t one to smoke, but if he was, there would definitely be a cigarette in his hand. 

His sun was dulled by your shadow as you stood in front of him awkwardly; he lazily opened an eye and looked in your direction. “Can I help you?” He asked, coming off a little harsher than he intended. You rocked back and forth from your heels, to the balls of your feet, “I’m sorry for making you lose your bet.” He cocked an eyebrow, “That’s all? I don’t care.” He stood up and smoothed his apron, then returned to the coffee shop, leaving you standing there alone. You clenched your fist, Ugh! The nerve of this guy! 

Fall came, and with it a sense of new opportunity, and more letters. You had yours tucked in your pocket, ready to be taken to the post office after work; you walked in the door with a smile, “Happy October!” Midoriya groaned, “October? That means our seasonal drinks will be here soon.” Mina seemed to be getting a flashback to some terrible event as she shuddered, “Pumpkin Spice season.” 

You soon learned just how terrible ‘Pumpkin Spice season’ truly was, those days you could never quite catch your breath. Your relationship with Shinso was still rocky, but during the hectic days when he could see you were struggling he seemed to be a bit kinder to you. You went to a nearby restaurant on your lunch break and pulled out the letter you had received from Dear Friend, you felt your heart skip a beat as you held it, you had only picked it up this morning so you hadn’t gotten the chance to read it yet. 

Dear Friend, 

I hope this letter finds you well, you are my only source of peace these days. Everywhere I look I find something else that annoys me, and work is as hectic as ever, it’s always worse during this season, but things just feel harder. I find solace in your letters though, I can always count on you to bring a smile to my face. I’m glad to hear that your new job is going well, I hope that one coworker you’re having issues with sees how wonderful you truly are. 

Talk soon, 

Your friend. 

You felt your heart swell as you read it, and you sighed dreamily as you held the letter to your chest. There was something familiar about the scent coming off of the pages, but you couldn’t quite place it. Denki joined you at your table, jolting you from your daydreaming and you jumped. “What’s that?” He asked, curious as to the papers you were holding. You quickly tucked them away in your bag, “Oh it’s nothing! A friend of mine sent me a letter. I love getting letters, don’t you?” Denki shrugged as he took a bite of his sandwich, “I guess so, but isn’t it easier to send a text message?” 

November was soon upon you, and there was tension in the air. Shinso had been even more on edge than usual, and your fighting was worse than ever. You were on your lunch break with Mina when you decided to bring it up with her. “Hey Mina?” You asked, looking across to the pink girl. “Yeah, what’s up? Something on your mind?” You leaned on your elbow and sighed, playing absentmindedly with your straw wrapper. “I just, I just feel like Shinso just doesn’t like me very much. Ever since I came here, he hasn’t been nice to me at all.” You lamented. Mina chewed on her lip thoughtfully, “Well, if you want my opinion on things, from an outsider’s perspective, it seems like you haven’t been very nice to him either. Have you considered his feelings about it? Whenever you see each other it’s like two magnets repelling.” 

Her words stung in a way you had no idea they would, she was right, you really hadn’t considered his feelings about your treatment of him. You tapped your finger on the table, considering her words and what you could do to be the bigger person in all this. “Thanks Mina, that’s very helpful.” 

The next morning, you arrived to work early and helped Shinso without being asked. Shinso was surprised at your behavior, he supposed he should have just accepted it as kindness but there was something in him, the suspicious part of him that made him feel annoyed instead. First, you were helping him sweep, then you were sorting things that he normally sorted, then you were offering to stay late so he didn’t have to. Finally he’d had enough, “Do you think I can’t do my job or something? What’s your problem today?” He asked, words injected with venom, hands on his hips. Tears burned in the back of your eyes, “I-I didn’t think that at all. I just thought--” 

“Thought what? That I needed your help? Even though I’ve been at this job way longer than you have?” He interrupted. You didn’t bother to reply, just grabbed your bag and stormed off into the night, not willing to let him see your tears. Midoriya and Mina stared. “That was, highly uncalled for man.” Midoriya said, before returning to sweeping. Mina walked out after you, but not before sending a scathing glare Shinso’s way. Midoriya finished sweeping and left; Shinso was still frozen in place, left alone in the empty coffee shop.

The next day, Shinso received your letter and it felt like he had failed you, well, Dear Friend. As he read it, he replayed the scene of you walking out into the night, and was filled with regret. I should, apologize. 

Dear Friend, 

I think this week I will try to be kinder. Too often I have not considered the consequences of my words and actions and as a result, people I care about have gotten hurt. So this week I am going to try on kindness. I challenge you to do the same.

Talk soon,

Your Friend  

December came, and like the cold weather you met his apology with stony silence. As time passed, you retained a professional work relationship, though barbed words were still tossed between you, they were less sharp than before. Shinso was outside, reading a paper of some kind when you walked up to him. “Good Morning Shinso!” You said, warmly. Shinso glanced at you and made a big show of checking his watch, “Ah, Ms. L/N, I see you’re on time today. Congratulations!” He replied, a fake smile plastered on his face. You returned his fake smile, “So sorry to disappoint you Shinso.” 

You headed for the door but he put an arm out to stop you, “Oh but I’m not disappointed, far from it. Let’s call it… surprised.” He chuckles and you chuckle too, but yours served to mock him. Instead of gracing him with a reply, you entered the shop and slammed the door before you could follow him through it. 

Denki and Midoriya were sweeping the walk and cleaning the windows, watching the exchange with a mixture of confusion and amusement. “They always argue, why is that?” Denki asked, looking up at his coworker. Midoriya glanced down at him, “Oh it’s simple really. Sometimes when two people like each other very much---” “Wait wait wait! They like each other?” Midoriya nodded, “I think so.” Denki cocked his head to the side, “Well don’t you think we should tell them?” Midoriya stepped off the stepladder with a laugh, “Trust me, they’d never believe us.” 

A week passed, and you were at home, reading and rereading your letter from Dear Friend.  

Dear Friend, 

Have you set your calendar for Tuesday? I can��t wait to meet you, I feel as though I already know your soul, and I can’t wait to match a face to what I already know.

See you soon, 

Your friend 

You squealed and held the letter to your chest, collapsing back on your bed. I can’t believe I get to meet him tonight! You rolled over and glanced at the clock, Perfect, still plenty of time to get to work. You got ready for the day, nervous as you had ever been, you changed outfits dozens of times, wanting to look perfect for this life-changing date, finally you settled on an outfit, dressy but not too dressy, but it still looked good as hell on you if you did say so yourself. You glanced at your clock, “Crap! I’m late.” 

Shinso sat in the upstairs of the coffee shop, reading your letter over and over. 

Dear Friend, 

I’m waiting warmly for our date, even though it’s quite cold out these days. Until then, I count the hours until I’m with you.

See you soon, 

Your friend 

His heart was nearly beating out of his chest, and he had a goofy smile on his face. “Hot date tonight?” Aizawa asked, causing his cheeks to turn a deep shade of red. “Th-that’s none of your business sir!” Aizawa chuckled, “So that’s a yes then, it’s about time. I hope it goes well.” 

You rushed into the shop, smoothing your clothes once you were inside. “Good morning Y/N!” Mina said warmly, smiling at you. You waved breathlessly, “Am I terribly late? Has Shinso noticed yet.” “No and no. He’s upstairs right now.” You felt yourself instantly relax, having him lecture you on a day as important as this one was something you didn’t think you could handle. “By the way, you look stunning today babe!” Mina said, wrapping her arms around you for a quick hug. You smiled and took a step back, doing a spin for good measure. “You really think so?” “We do! Right boys?” She said, gesturing for Denki and Midoriya to compliment you as well. 

They chorused their agreement and your smile grew wider. “Thank you all, I was so nervous it took me forever to get dressed this morning. Which is why I’m so late.” You grimaced. Denki surfaced from behind the counter. “Oh? I know what that means. Our little Y/N is in love. And you’re meeting with them tonight!” Denki said, elbowing your side and waggling his eyebrows. Midoriya rolled his eyes, “And how would you know that?” Mina looked at him with wide eyes, “Oh didn’t you hear? Denki is our resident expert in love. Which is quite remarkable considering that he’s never been in it.” Mina teased, sticking her tongue out at the blonde. 

Shinso came down the stairs and you stiffened, bracing yourself to be yelled at, but he simply said good morning and walked right past you to go behind the counter. Your eyes widened and you leaned in close to Mina. “He didn’t yell at me. What’s wrong with him today?” You whispered. Mina shrugged, “Dunno. He has seemed pretty preoccupied by something today though.” 

“Dammit!” Shinso yells as he spills whipped cream all over his shirt. Denki quickly heads back to where he is and helps him clean up. “Dude, what’s up with you today? You’re so nervous I can feel you vibrating.” Shinso’s hands shake as he wipes off the whipped topping, “Well, you know, big day haha.” Denki quirks an eyebrow, “Big day? What’s up?” Shinso wrings his hands nervously, “Well, I’m meeting her tonight.” Denki gasps, “The letter girl!” Shinso claps his hand over Denki’s mouth and nods, looking around and praying that no one heard his outburst. 

The two headed upstairs where they could speak more privately. “So… Face to face at last.” Denki says, a lazy smile on his face. Shinso nods as he paces back and forth. Denki sighs, “Well, I tell you what, I hope she’s everything you’ve dreamed her to be.” Shinso leans back against the railing, looking up at the ceiling, “Can I be honest with you Denki? I hope she isn’t.” Denki looked up sharply, a judging look on his face. “Because,” he continued, “If she’s as beautiful, or as smart, or as funny as I think she is, then what will she think of me?” 

“Can I be honest with you? I think it’ll go just fine; because you’re smart, and you’re funny and handsome, not as handsome as me of course, but still handsome. And if she can’t see that, it’s her loss.” Shinso shot him a look at the handsome part but still let a small smile cross his face. “Sorry man, I’m just nervous and upset. We’ve never met and I get to meet her, tonight, at eight.” He kneaded his forehead, “Geez, I can already feel how much of a nightmare today is going to be,” He looked at his watch, “Oh lucky me, 3 more minutes, 2 more seconds, 10 more hours to go!” 

Downstairs, you and Mina were stocking the shelves with holiday items. “So... “ Mina nudged you. You hummed in response,” Your hot date tonight, what’re they like? I want to know everything!” Your hand came to a stop near the shelf, “Well, the truth is, I’ve never met him.” Mina gasps, “Never? So this is a blind date?” You shook your head, “No. I know him, we’ve just never met.” You and Mina continued to stock the shelves as you talked. “How can that be?” She asked. 

You turned to her with a smile, “Letters, so many letters.” Mina widened her eyes, “You belong to a Lonely Heart’s Club?!” You closed your eyes and nodded, embarrassed. “To be perfectly honest with you, I was just as surprised as you are. But, I saw his ad in the paper and we started talking.” Mina looked at you skeptically, “What if he’s like old?” You shook your head, “Don’t be silly, the advertisement says ‘young man.’” 

“You haven’t even asked for a photo?” Mina asked, flabbergasted as you shook your head once more. You sat back on your knees and looked at her, “I don’t know his name or what he looks like, but really I don’t need those things. I know what he looks like on the inside and that’s what's important. I know that he’s kind, and soft-spoken, and nice, and terribly well-educated. And he was often the only thing that made me smile on the hard days. That’s what matters to me,” You stretched, “I wasn’t sure about this whole thing at first, but somehow, somehow he made me fall for him through words alone.” 

Mina smiled as she stood, “Well I hope things work out tonight.” She helped you stand, and you stepped back to admire your work. You were in the middle of high-fiving when Shinso came down the stairs. “Hey everyone! Aizawa wants us to stay late to put up Holiday decorations.” Your heart dropped, “Um, Shinso? I can’t.” He gawked at you, “And why not?” You put your hands up, “I have a date, you know that!” Shinso made a face, “I know no such thing.” You placed your hands on your hips, “How can you say that? Why do you think I dressed up today? For my own personal health or something?” 

Shinso shook his head, not in the mood to argue. “Honestly, I have no idea why you dressed up. But either way, I’m just following Mr. Aizawa’s directions.” You leaned against the counter, “Why did he have to pick this one night?” You gasped and looked at Shinso, “Unless it was you who picked it! Because you knew that I had plans.” Shinso stared at you in disbelief. “You know, it’s depressing to know that you hate me that much.” 

He narrowed his eyes, “I do not hate you!” He objected, then he sighed. “Look, can we have a truce?” He extended his hand to you. You took it with a smile, “Of course Shinso, anytime. After all, it’s always you who starts these things.” You start to walk away but he pulls you back at your words. “Oh I’m the one?!” He raised his voice, offended that you would say such a thing. You nodded adamantly, “Yes! Admit it, you’ve resented me since the moment I got here.” He scoffed and let go of your hand like it burned him. “For the record, I don’t resent you.” 

The two of you began to walk in opposite directions but suddenly Shinso whirled around, causing you to do the same. “But if I did!” He yelled, “I would have good reason to!” You looked at him indignantly, “Is this about that bet? The one I made you lose? Because that’s a petty reason to resent someone.” “I already told you I don’t!” You rolled your eyes and stormed away from him, straight outside to the bench, you needed a moment to cool down. “That must be the rudest, most difficult, worst-tempered girl in the world!” Shinso yelled.  

The rest of the day passed without much incident; in the end, you did get to leave as you planned. It began to snow as you walked to the restaurant, each step growing more hesitant. You gripped your copy of Little Women tighter in your hand, praying that the night would go well. Will he like me? You wondered, Will I be what he’s imagined me to be? Can I live up to the expectations I set in the letters? The restaurant was on the corner coming up, you reached it, and paused at the door. There would be no hiding behind your paper and pen tonight, he was going to see the real you. You were jostled by a couple walking past you to enter the building and snapped out of it. He must be in the same boat I am. I’m sure he’s just as nervous as me. 

You shook off your nervousness and gathered the courage to walk inside. You greeted the host, and were seated at a table, your date was nowhere to be seen yet. Tapping your foot anxiously, you set the book on the table sitting up where it would be visible, and you pulled the rose, the other calling card of your correspondence, from your bag. 

Back at the coffee shop, Shinso was barreling in through the door. Denki looked at him in surprise, “Why are you back? Didn’t you have a date like now?” Shinso nodded breathlessly, “I do. I was almost there but I got nervous and ended up running all the way back here. Will you go with me?” Denki nodded, untying his apron quickly and hanging it back on its hook. Once they were outside they could talk more freely. “So… why did you want me to go?” He asked. Shinso sent him a nervous glance, “I’m too nervous to look first.” He admitted, “I need you to look. She’ll be sitting alone, with a red rose and a copy of ‘Little Women’. And I have my rose, I’m going to tuck it in my breast pocket.” Denki smiled, “Oh I see. You want me to do a little surveillance, ease your nerves a little bit.” Shinso nodded, they would be approaching the restaurant soon.  

You sipped your water nervously as the hour grew later. Has something happened to him? Is he not coming? Did he already come and leave? The waiter came by once more, “Can I get you anything ma’am?” You shook your head politely, “Not yet. It should only be a little longer.” I hope.   

The boys entered the restaurant, Shinso trailing behind. Once they were inside, Denki elbowed him. “Where’s the rose?” He asked. When Shinso didn’t answer, he was smacked on the arm. “Oh, um, here.” Shinso pulled a wilted rose from his pocket. Denki made a face that was a mixture of pity and confusion, but he didn’t vocalize his thoughts. “Give it to me.” He said, pulling it from his grasp. He neatly tucked it into his breast pocket, then ran his fingers on Shinso’s hair, smoothing it. “Okay deep breaths buddy, I’ll go take a look at your future wife.” He said, tapping the front of his friend’s shoulder lightly. 

Denki awkwardly weaved through the tables, scrutinizing every guest for the items he needed to look for. Each person he made eye contact with looked extremely uncomfortable by the situation but he brushed it off. I have a job to do. One table near the wall, the person had the menu in front of their face so he stood precariously on his tiptoes to peer over it. Instead of a pretty young girl, he was met with the face of an elderly man, “Oh, I’m sorry sir. Have a nice meal.” 

He was nearing the last table, in the corner of the restaurant. He gasped when he saw the occupant, it was you, dressed up with a book on the table, a rose tucked in as the bookmark. He froze and did the only thing he could think to do, he ripped the scarf from his neck and held it in front of his face as he made a hasty retreat back to Shinso’s side.

Shinso saw his friend’s pale face and his heart dropped, eyes wide with concern. “She’s old. She’s old and ugly and has no teeth? That must be it.” Denki shook his head, “I… wouldn’t say that.” Shinso hit his fists together, “Well there must be something wrong! You’re terrible at hiding things Denki.” Denki grimaced, “Well, she’s actually very attractive.” 

Shinso felt his cheeks warm, “Really?” He hesitated, “Will I think so?” Denki shrugged, “Beauty’s a subjective thing, but I think so. She looks like…” Shinso interjected, “Some famous person! Right?” He started listing off names but his friend shook his head at every one. “Someone from our shop.” Denki finished. Shinso gave him an incredulous look, “Our shop? The coffee shop?” 

Denki put his finger up, as if to reply, but he hesitated. “Just spit it out already!” Shinso snapped. “Well, she looks a little like… Miss Y/N.” 

“Wait wait wait, Miss L/N Y/N? Our L/N Y/N?” Shinso asked, his heart beating a million miles an hour. What could this mean? Denki nodded and his heart dropped again. “No no no, that’s not right. You’re joking.” Denki shook his head adamantly, “No I’m not. This girl is the spitting image of our coworker, and your nemesis.” Shinso shook his head, there was no way this was true. It just wasn’t possible, you were abrasive and sarcastic, there was no way you were the girl from the letters. “Take a look for yourself, last table in the back corner.” Denki said. 

Shinso did an almost identical repeat of Denki’s path a few moments ago. He weaved through the tables, and there in the corner, just as Denki said, you were. Shinso froze, then bolted, almost running out into the night, but Denki grabbed him. “You are not going to just leave her there. Go over there like an adult, and figure things out. I expect a status report in the morning. Good luck comrade.” Denki gave Shinso a mock salute and left, leaving him alone at the front of the restaurant. 

Shinso reluctantly made his way to the back of the restaurant, mind running at a million miles an hour. He was in love with you? No way, it was all a mistake. It had to be. Shinso shoved the rose and book back into his bag, unwilling to give himself away. He cleared his throat and you looked up, nearly falling out of your chair. “What the hell are you doing here?” You hissed, anger starting to bubble up inside you. Shinso clenched his fist, bouncing it in the air, “Just out for a drink. How about yourself?” You stared at him, “I’m waiting for someone.” You replied, as if it were obvious. “Anyone in particular?” He asked. 

“Obviously,” You replied flatly, “Like I said before, I didn’t get dressed up for nothing.” “Well, I could keep you company while you wait.” He offered, moving to sit down. You put an arm out to stop him, “Absolutely not. I told you that seat is reserved for someone very important.” A look of disappointment crossed his face, “So you won’t let me stay?” You weren’t sure what made you cave, but you relented. “Fine. 30 seconds.” 

There was silence for a moment, when a thought hit you. “Shinso, are you spying on me?” You asked suspiciously, frustration welling up. “Didn’t believe me when I said I had a date so you have to come see for yourself?” Your voice rose, you were practically yelling. Shinso snorted, “Miss L/N. Who would I be spying for? Mr. Aizawa? Don’t be ridiculous.” You met his excuse with a glare, “Shinso, your time is up. If you don’t leave immediately I will have you thrown out!” 

The waiter appeared, “Excuse me miss, I hate to be a bother but could you and your husband either quiet down or fight elsewhere?” Your jaw dropped, “H-h-husband?!” You exclaimed, flabbergasted by the notion, “This man is not my husband. This is a business associate.” “Oh well pardon me. Either way, you will need to quiet down for the comfort of our other guests.” Shinso stifled a chuckle as the waiter left, leaving you with a seething look on your face. 

Shinso leaned forward on his elbow, “So. Have you known this person long? The one you’re waiting for?” You turned your seething glare on him, “Frankly, that’s none of your business.” A thought struck you that sent pangs of panic through your body, What if he’s already come here? What if he saw us together and left? “Can you just leave, please?” A wave of panic washed over you. “Now why would I do that? It’s not proper for a man to keep a lady waiting. Even if they are an old friend, a dear friend.” 

You sighed, “I really don’t want to discuss this with you Shinso.” The song coming through the speakers changed, a classical song came drifting to your ears. “Ahh I love this tune.” Shinso reminisced, “My mother used to sing it to me when I was a kid.” “Mine to you replied.” Shinso gasped, “Miss L/N! Do you realize what this means? We have something in common!” “Hmm.” You hummed, “Well, it’s too bad I was the only one who grew up.” You replied, a fake smile plastered on your face. 

Shinso met your smile with a fake one of his own; he knew this was wrong, playing with your feelings like this, but he couldn’t resist. He had no intention of telling you tonight, he wanted to test the waters first instead of shocking you with the news. “Ahh I see what’s going on here. You’re nervous because you’ve never met this person before!” You tensed at his words, confirming his suspicions.

The minutes passed, Shinso kept telling you horror stories he’d seen in the news about Lonely Hearts Clubs. You’d had enough of his nonsense for the night. You clenched your fists, and hit them on the table. “If you don’t leave right now, I will scream.” Shinso tried to interject, but your rant had begun, and it was an unstoppable flood. “You know? Dante once described all the depths of Hell. Maybe after this you should go there, you’d fit right in!” “Miss L/N---” 

You stood, “Shinso! You are easily the most insufferable, insensitive man I have ever met.” Shinso scoffed, “I’m surprised at you.” but he made no move to leave. You gritted your teeth, “Fine, be that way. I’m sorry to have to do this.” You screamed, and before you knew what was going on, you and Shinso were out on the street in front of the restaurant. “Oh no.” You whispered, tears pouring down your cheeks. Shinso stood in front of you, he hadn’t meant for things to happen this way. You hit your fists on his chest as you cried, but it didn’t hurt him. “I’ll never forgive you for this.” 

Shinso led you to a nearby bench, and you sat in silence for a long while. You looked up at him with tearfilled eyes, your eyes met his purple ones, ones filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite name. “Haven’t you had enough? Are you happy now? You got your revenge on me?” You sniffled sadly, “I genuinely don’t understand you, Shinso.” Shinso snorted, “How could you Miss L/N? You’ve never taken the time to get to know me.” You chuckled darkly and wiped the tears from your eyes, anger washing over you once more. “I know you plenty well. I know you’re just a not very smart, not very handsome man with the personality of a python.” The words stung Shinso, even though he probably deserved them, and he stood. 

“Have a good night Miss L/N.” He said, voice tinged with a sadness that made your heart sting. “Wait!” You yelled as he walked away, “Oh Shinso, I didn’t mean all those things.” You reached after his retreating form with a futile hand. Soon he disappeared from view, leaving you alone in the chilly night. You waited on the bench, tears hot against your cold skin as you waited. You weren’t exactly sure what you were waiting for, for Shinso to come back?, for your mystery friend to arrive? You weren’t hopeful for either of those things, and yet you waited. Of course, it’s snowing. You thought to yourself, chuckling at your circumstances. “Oh well, I’ve been waiting for this person my whole life, what’s a few more hours?” 

Somehow you made it home, but you didn’t care how late it was; no way in hell you were going to work tomorrow. You wouldn’t give Shinso the satisfaction of seeing you this way, you felt defeated, and you blamed him. You got into your pajamas, and slipped into bed, cursing the whole day. 

The next day Shinso arrived at work, and you were nowhere to be found. “Miss L/N is not coming in today. She texted me.” Mina told Mr. Aizawa. Shinso overheard this and his heart clenched, he had royally messed up last night. “Hey Mina, what is L/N’s favorite food?” He asked awkwardly. Mina gave him a strange look, but gave him the answer. He made some excuse for leaving and headed to the corner store, and then to your place. He hesitated before knocking, would you be upset I came here? He wondered. 

There was a knock at your door, “Who is it?” You asked hoarsely. You dragged yourself out of bed and to the front door, “Miss L/N? It’s me.” The voice sounded familiar, but with your pounding head you couldn’t place it. You opened it to find Shinso, “Oh, it’s you.” You slammed the door in his face, wincing at the bang. You grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around your form, then opened the door. 

“I was--- in the neighborhood.” He said, awkwardly. You gestured for him to come inside and sat on the couch. “What do you want? If it’s about last night, just spit it out. I’m not feeling well today.” “So I heard.” He replied, setting the corner store bag on the floor. “You knew I was sick?” You asked, surprised. “I overheard Mina telling Aizawa about it.” “Oh.” 

Suspicion welled up within you and you narrowed your eyes at him. “So, you decided to come here, and make sure I was really sick. You thought I was faking it!” Shinso shook his head in protest, “No! Believe it or not, I was actually worried about you.” You stood up suddenly and retreated to your room, rummaging around in your closet. Shinso followed you and stood in the doorway, “Um, what are you doing?” 

“What does it look like? I’m getting ready for work, obviously.” You said, tossing a shoe haphazardly over your shoulder. “That’s not a good idea.” Shinso said. You scoffed, turning over your shoulder to look at him. “And why not? Because you don’t want me to go to work?” Shinso grimaced at you, “No, it’s not that. It’s the fact that you’re obviously ill and we work in a coffee shop.” You stopped abruptly, “Oh. That’s a good point.” 

You sat on the edge of your bed, feeling utterly defeated. You couldn’t even bring yourself to be mad at this man, the one you felt like you hated as he stood in the doorway of your bedroom. “Wanna tell me what’s on your mind?” Shinso asked quietly, he knew he couldn’t fix everything, he did leave last night without telling you the truth after all, but maybe listening was a start. You sighed and somehow slumped even further. 

"It's just--" you hesitated to finish, but there was something in Shinso's face spurring you on, "I love him, y'know? And last night was so awful I just, I don't even know if I can face him." You heard a sharp intake of breath that was quickly disguised as a cough. You began to cry, and Shinso felt his heart sink, he had really done it this time. He made a move to sit next to you on the bed, to try and comfort you, but hesitated. When you didn’t object, he tentatively sat next to you and brought his arm around to pat you on the shoulder. “Miss L/N, I don’t know if I could ever forgive myself for last night at the restaurant. I’m so sorry I ruined the night for you.” 

You shook your head, “No! Because honestly you were right, I hadn’t met him before. He was just someone who was writing letters to me--- such wonderful letters.” Your voice broke a little as you said the last words. “He never showed up?” He asked, though he already knew the answer. You shook your head, “No. I waited and waited but he never came.” Shinso grimaced and looked away, “I feel very responsible for that, I’m sorry.” 

You laughed and it was the first smile he’d seen you crack all morning, “Well, it was kind of your fault that we got kicked out of the restaurant, but even so… If he had cared at all, he would have explained.” 

Shinso stood up suddenly and you thought you had offended him somehow, but he came back with a paper sack in his arms. "Well," he said, handing you the convenience store bag, "I'm sure he'll reach out, maybe he feels the same way. I hope you feel better, I’d better head to the shop now since we’re understaffed. I’ll send the others your best!” “Hey Shinso?” You asked, not wanting to leave your thanks left unsaid, “I really appreciate you coming here today. Spending time with you has made me, like you.” 

Shinso smiled and ran his fingers through his hair in that way he always did, “Thank you Miss L/N, goodbye now.” And with a click of your front door, you were alone, you took a moment, for some reason you were already missing his company, but you didn’t let yourself dwell on that notion for too long; You reached into the bag to examine its contents. 

A smile was instantly brought to your face, the bag contained all of your favorite snacks. I wonder how he knew… Mina maybe? That would make sense. You opened one of the snacks and looked around your room, eyes landing on your paper and pen that lay on your desk. You decided that it would be a good option to reach out to your Friend first, and apologize for last night. 

Dear Friend, 

I am so sorry about last night, it was a nightmare in every way. But together you and I can laugh at last night someday 

You tried to finish the letter, but kept getting distracted by thoughts of Shinso. The way he smelled, the way he was so nice to you this morning, the snacks he had brought, that he had cared to come here at all after the way you treated him last night. You grimaced at that last thought, I was so nasty to him. Well… he certainly deserved some of it but even so. 

Things went on like this for a while, you would write, then a thought would intrude. You know what? We were together this morning, and for the first time, we didn’t fight! Well, miracles do happen I guess. Oh wait, where was I? 

Dear friend, blah blah blah blablah, 

The more you let the incident with Shinso this morning stew in your mind, the stranger you felt about it; It was like he had become a totally new person overnight. Not that you were complaining, he had brought you food, and he smelled nice. Oh no, you stiffened, am I starting to have feelings? For him?! You waved the notion away with your hand, Nah! This isn’t some enemies to lovers romcom! 

Shinso was trying his best not to be giddy. You loved him?! Surprisingly, that was the best news he had heard all day. He shook his head in amazement as he walked back to the coffee shop, How could I not have seen it before? It’s so obvious she’s the person from the letters. And she loves me! And I, I think I love her too. He walked into the coffee shop and Denki immediately picked up on his emotional state. “Something good happen today?” He asked, giving him a sly smile. Shinso shrugged, “Maybe. I’ll tell you over lunch.” Denki nodded, and they got to work. 

Lunchtime came quickly, and Shinso breathlessly told Denki the story. Denki hung on to every word, and had a smug smile on his face at the end of it. “See? What’d I tell ya? Everything turned out fine.” Shinso laughed, “I suppose you’re right. Forgive me for not always trusting your judgement.” Denki put his hands up, “No harm done man. So, when are you going to tell her?” he asked, leaning forward. Shinso took a sip of his drink thoughtfully, “Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready yet. She doesn’t love me persay, she loves the man from the letters. I’m not just going to tell her outright that it was me the whole time, then she might feel betrayed. I want to earn her love, as the real me.” Denki smiled, “Hitoshi, you are really cool sometimes.” He snorted in response, “I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear that ‘sometimes.’” 

The days passed rather quickly after that, the holiday rush was upon the coffee shop and things were as busy as ever. “Care to grab lunch with me today Miss L/N?” Shinso asked, of course you agreed. This became a new ritual for the two of you, and soon he was walking you home from work as well. One winter afternoon it was snowing as you walked to grab lunch together, and you kept catching the snowflakes on your tongue. “You know that’s childish right?” He teased. You turned and stuck your tongue out at him, “Don’t. Care.” 

Things had changed between you, you weren’t sure of the exact moment, but it had perhaps gone by without you even noticing. One day Midoriya brought up to you just how much it had changed, but you waved him off. “It hasn’t changed that much.” You said. You received a skeptical look in return, “Have you not noticed you’re on a first name basis with him now?” You blinked, then thought back to this morning, when the name Hitoshi passed through your lips as  easy as water. “Oh.” 

Mina was the one who brought this up to Shinso, and he was also taken slightly aback. Oh. I guess things really have changed. “I don’t mind the change though,” Mina continued, “I think it’s great you two are finally getting along! Someone had to get through that stubborn personality of yours.” “Oh quit teasing him Mina! You know he can’t handle it.” You interjected as you walked by, presents in your arms. “Oh! Are those for the party tonight?” Mina asked. 

“Yes! You’re going right?” You asked, smiling at your friend. “Obvs! I’m so excited, presents and food with friends is the best part of the holidays.” You chuckled at her reply, “What about you Hitoshi? Are you coming?” You were painfully aware of the way his name felt in your mouth, it was almost too comfortable. He nodded, “Yes, I have some things I need to take care of here first though.” “Oh really? I’ll stay and help!” he tried to object, but if there was anything he had learned about you, it was that you were far too persistent to argue with. 

And so you were left alone in the shop with Hitoshi Shinso, everyone else had gone on ahead to Aizawa’s house. “Are you excited for tonight? Your mystery man is coming right?” He asked, leaning the broom against the wall. “Of course! Excited, nervous, all of the above. And oh goodness, I am very nervous about that. You have so much in common with him, I’ll surely need you to help keep the conversation flowing.” You were facing away from him, straightening the shelves. “Yeah, about that…” His tone seemed off so you turned to face him, a questioning look on your face. 

Shinso cleared his throat, “I am so sorry about last night, it was a nightmare in every way, but together you and I can laugh at last night someday.” He said quietly. You gasped, tears coming to your eyes. I’d only written those words to Dear Friend, so that must mean… “It was you? You were Dear Friend all along?” You asked breathlessly. He barely managed a nod when you were throwing your arms around him. “Hitoshi Shinso, you are a devil of a man you know that?” You laughed, and kissed him on the cheek. 

“You’re not mad?” He asked, cheek warm at the place your lips had touched. “Of course not. Actually, I couldn’t be happier.” You replied, smiling as you watched your not-so-secret secret lover’s face light up with a beaming smile. “Well, that’s great. I’m glad I have you as my Dear Friend.” He said, slinking his arm around your waist. You walked to the party hand in hand, laughing about how you didn’t know sooner and how you had hated each other at first. 

You rang the doorbell and Aizawa opened the door, an uncharacteristic smile on his face. You and Shinso looked at each other in confusion but you saw Hizashi standing behind him, pointing up. Mistletoe. You internally groaned, of course Aizawa would pull something like this. To your surprise, Shinso whirled you around and pulled you close, giving you a breathless kiss in front of all your coworkers. “I KNEW IT!” Midoriya yelled. Through fits of laughter, Aizawa invited you in. “Took you long enough, crazy kids.”

[some-dr-writings]

Gundham Tanaka x Reader One-shot: First Date

Winter always had this captivating beauty about it. A lonely kind of beauty, so distant yet distinct. Nothing was quite like just looking out the window at the snowy mountain forest off in the horizon. Winter break had come and most life fled from the place, returning to their families or simply hid in their dens, like you. With a mostly empty cup of hot coco in hand you looked out that open window as if in a daze. A breeze flew past making the sharp contrast between the cool it brought and the hot cup more apparent. Without realizing it you pulled the mug just a bit closer to your chest, wishing for more of that warmth.

Taking a sip from it, something caught your gaze. Out in the white that distinctive berry purple scarf and long black coat leaped out, like adding a drop of lemon juice to a mild milk tea. “Ice Lord Tanaka, returning to the dorms already?” It was odd for the man to be returning to the dorms in the morning hours. It always took so much time and effort to properly tend to his creatures that he hardly had time for much else. “Ah, so the watcher of endless shadows has risen to search this low domain for a change. The demon beasts have taken to laying dormant in the new creeping polar environs that all but consumed this land.” “Huh, I guess you don’t have much to do with most of them hibernating.” Gundham simply nodded drawing your attention to his scarf. There was no movement whatsoever. “Even the Dark Devas?” “Indeed, they have too.”

“Hey, Dark Lord, want some hot coco?” “Hmm, I see no reason to decline such an offer.”

Gundham leaned against the wall beside your window as you prepared him a drink. At first glance not many would assume the Super High School Breeder and Super High School Level Astronomer would be friends but you two were. You both were very introverted, not finding much stimulation from being with too many others or in loud situations, you two kept to yourselves. Ironically that’s likely what magnetized you to one another. You didn’t need to talk to enjoy the other’s company. There was no need to fill the air with meaningless noise. You never had ‘how’s the weather’ kind of conversations, when you spoke there was always a specific purpose behind it.

Funny thing, the first time you two met you never spoke. You had set up your telescope and were star gazing when you heard an owl. Not thinking much of it you looked though that telescope, having an uncharacteristically difficult time finding Saturn. Moments later you heard some rustling. Finally taking a look behind yourself you saw a man you’d come to learn was called Gundham, wearing a big, thick glove with an owl perched on it. Minding your own business, you went about readjusting your telescope. And there you two stood, Gundham tending to the owl and you internally cheering having finally found that planet. Hearing another hoot, you were surprised it was so close. The man was beside you and the owl perched on his arm kept looking at you. Cautiously the bird was held out to you. Confused yet intrigued you gently held up a hand and pet the bird on the head with the back of your fingers. It’s feathers seemed to fluff out making the creature look even softer than it actually was. Gundham’s eyes slightly widened in surprise seeing the creature’s reaction before pulling his arm back. Facing out into the distance Gundham then threw up his arm, sending the owl flying, never to be seen again. Reaching into a small bag you had beside you, you pulled out a pair of binoculars and passed them to Gundham so he could watch it leave just a few moments longer, even in the far distance. After some time of looking through it, Gundham passed the binoculars back to you. Placing them away you took a few steps back and gestured to the telescope. After a moment of hesitation Gundham looked through it. Much time was spent showing him a few more planets a couple of stars. Soon though you and Gundham parted ways the same way you met. Wordlessly as you looked to the sky and he the horizon.

“So, what are you going to do now?” “That, in fact, was what I was pondering myself till you summoned me.” “Huh… Well, if you have nothing better to do, why don’t we go on a date?” Suddenly loud stifled coughing erupted from Gundham as his entire face flushed such a velvety rose pink. Perhaps you should not have asked that as he was mid-sip. When his coughing fit was over you simply passed him a handful of napkins in case he splashed hot coco on himself in the momentary chaos. “You okay there, buddy?” “I, t-the Supreme Overlord of Ice, am fine! I am unflappable!” “Uh-huh, suuuuure.” “Don’t take such a dry tone with me!” “Okay, okay. Sorry.” A light chuckle bubbled up from deep in your chest seeing a light steam radiate off the Dark Lord’s still flushed face. “But, seriously though. Let’s go on a date. It seems neither of us have anything better to do today, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t mind the idea of being partners. You’re my closest friend, we get along great, any good romantic relationship needs a stable base, I can’t see a more stable base than being good friends, and you’re cute. But if you don’t want to that’s A-Okay.” “Seeker of the Void, you should not speak of partaking in courting rituals so lightly! You do realize you are speaking with the one who shall soon rule this world, Gundham Tanaka, the Overlord of Ice!” “Yeah, I realize that.” Gundham simply stared at you, his mind momentarily blanking. “C-courting me shall be no easy task! Do you truly wish to even attempt such an endeavor?” “Well, if the date doesn’t go well or feels like every other time we hang out, we can just pretend this never happened.” “No. If you’ve the courage to face me and say such things you shall not yield! Prepare you soul for the clash of a lifetime! If you’ve the power to see through your words and fight to the end, I shall await for your challenge at the gates of this confined land.” With that said he placed his mug on the windowsill and walked away.

“… huh.” After placing the mugs on the small coffee table in your room you shut the window… A bright red dusted your cheeks as the situation really sunk in. Flopping onto your bed you buried your face into a pillow. Yes, you had a crush on the Dark Lord for a long time, but you didn’t think he’d accept! You were just saying it casually to test the waters! Oh, curse how you always got so fixated on things and just can’t let go! You weren’t mentally prepared to already be doing this! You didn’t even have a plan! What were you going to do!? A movie? Shopping? What!? What do people do on dates anyway!? You never dated before, the only things you knew about dating were the little you heard from your classmates and the romantic subplots you’ve seen on T.V. shows and movies!

The icy wind blew past causing Gundham to tug even more at his scarf.  A tinge of pink still softly dusted his cheeks since that proposal was made. A ‘date’… Even just merely thinking of that simple word forced his heart to pitter-patter faster and faster. How pitiful that a mere word could draw such a reaction from him. He was Gundham Tanaka and…. and… a-and… he had no idea what he was doing! But it was fine, it was going to be just fine. He was just going to hang out with you! It was fine! Right!? Maybe!? Like, sure, Gundham often found himself wishing you were by his side almost all the time, and the thought of going on simple little adventures like a date were all he dreamed of as of late, so doing for real should be fine, right!? He was getting the chance to do something he wanted! “BE STILL MY FLUTTERING HEART!” Who was he kidding, he was an absolute mess.

The sound of speeding foot falls crunching against snow rang out as you raced towards the breeder. “H-hey, Tanaka. So, is there anything you want to do?” “… You are the one who initiated this, I assumed you would have provided the ideas. Though, your consideration for my thoughts are appreciated.” “Well, if you don’t have any, I was thinking we could go for a walk at a park, maybe go shopping and watch a movie, take a nap, whatever we feel like really, oh and if we’re somehow lucky enough and the weather clears up, we could see a comet tonight! It’ll be extra gorgeous since it’s winter! In winter there’s less moisture in the air so the sky is more crisp and clear than at any other time! Though there are often clouds obscuring the view in this area so, it’ll be a gamble if we get to see much in the first place.” “Ah, go with our instincts and let the universe decide our fate, you’re saying. Very well then! I shall follow your lead.” “Alright, I guess we’ll just start walking and see where out feet take us!”

The pair of you walked in a comforting silence with your cheeks still red, but from the cold or your welling up feelings, neither of you knew. Having gotten to a park you found your gaze wandering around, lingering on the bare, spindly trees and that wavering gray lake. Glancing up at the sky you realized just how dark those clouds above were. Perhaps it would snow soon. The wind quickly picked up, constantly swirling and dancing about you two. It even threw up the long ends of Gundham’s scarf, whipping it around causing a crisp, sharp snap sound to occasionally ring out. With the noise neither of you noticed the similar clicking sounds that began to surround you till something hard hit your head. “Ouch! Wait, hail this time of year, or is it graupel?” All too quickly those ice chunks came raining down faster and faster as the wind grew more violent. “Or would this be sleet? Maybe we should ask a meteorologist. Is there a Super High School Level one at the school? But they’d li-” “Seeker of the Void, it matters not what it’s called. These are small, hard, painful attacks from the heavens. We must escape!” “Ah, you’re right! We can figure that out later!”

As you two ran with your arms covering your head, you raced to the small temple just ahead. “Well… at least we have shelter.” Gundham didn’t respond, just stoically looked out at the precipitation. “… Maybe going on a date today wasn’t the best idea. At least we got some exercise out of this.” You wanted to try seeing the bright side of this, but you could only find that one reason with your usual pragmatic approach. As you were searching through your coat pockets for your phone to look up if a Meteorologist went to Hope’s Peak, you suddenly heard foot falls. “Huh? Wa- Tanaka! Where are you going!?” “Wait here!” Gundham ran and slipped through the wind and hail not looking back. “… Tanaka you idiot! You’re just going to get hurt! What are you even doing!?” Seeing his form retreat off into the distance, a sigh escaped your lips. As much as you wished to chase after him, he specifically told you to stay put, so he clearly had some plan, but a plan for what? All you could do at this point was simply wait for him.

And so, you waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Perhaps it was your unsteady mind making the time feel like it was ticking away at such a slow pace, perhaps he truly was taking so long, but that time waiting for him to return felt like a thousand days. It was certainly not helped by you constantly looking down the white covered path the man had left on, but you couldn’t get yourself to do anything else, you were much too antsy. Then finally you saw a figure. Not even giving it a second thought you raced to it. Surely enough it was- “Tanaka!” You managed to stop yourself in time to keep from crashing into him. Absolutely out of breath, Gundham rested his hand on his slightly bent knee trying to catch his breath. His scarf hung loosely around his neck. “A. There is no Super High School Level Meteorologist. B. Were you running this whole time!? In THIS wind!” It was then you suddenly noticed what Gundham held towards you. “I-I have procured the best charm I could find in the cl-closest marketplace.” “An umbrella! Thank you Tanaka. Though, we could have just stayed at the temple for a while. You didn’t have to go to this much trouble. You must have gotten pelted by the hail or whatever this is. It must have hurt.” Straightening himself out, he looked you directly in the eyes. “I am the Overlord of Ice; these mere pellets can do no such harm to me! I was the only one who could salvage this date. Even if the heavens try to disrupt this union, this ritual, no such thing as fate shall stand in my way!” The softest, most tender of smiles formed on those lips of yours even in that harsh wind, sent the Ice Lord’s heart a flight faster than the flutter of a butterfly’s wing. “… o-oh. Thank you, that’s so sweet.” “S-sweet!?” As you took a step closer, he could feel his entire face igniting in that familiar heat. How were you able to do this to him without even trying?

Wanting to just momentarily hide away to compose himself he tugged up on his scarf. Just as he did so, more wind came thrashing about, stealing the garment. “Your scarf!” You immediately chased after it, leaving Gundham to run after you, desperately holding the umbrella just out far enough to cover you. Zipping from left to right to any direction it was thrown higher and higher. “I think it’s gone into the street!” “Void Seeker! You don-” “Rental bikes!” Dashing out of the park you smashed some yen haphazardly into the slot and took out a bike. You were already riding away when Gundham managed to hop on the bike stand pegs on the back wheel before you left without him. Gripping your shoulder for balance he used his other hand to hold the clear umbrella before you, acting like a windshield of sorts.

You certainly never thought you’d ever find yourself peddling on a bike so fervently in a storm before but here you were, fighting against the wind, suddenly swerving around the few cars that passed your way, making sharp turns when your balance was tossed off, desperate not to crash! The ice certainly didn’t make things any easier, causing the ground to be slippery and bumpy at the same time making control almost near impossible. Despite Gundham’s best efforts those ice chunks crashed into you, and even almost into your eyes at times.

Sliding down a steep hill you had to take your feet off the pedals fearing the overwhelming speed would break your knees. Everything was but a blur as you zipped down faster and faster. “Wait!” You looked over your shoulder to see Gundham, hoping being just a bit closer would make your voice a little more clear even in the thundering clicks and howls. “We might be fast enough now!” “What!?” “Tanaka get your scarf! It might be our only chance!” Understanding, he gave you a firm nod. You tried keeping the bike steady for Gundham, who had to stand on his tiptoes reaching out as far as he could. It seemed each time the scarf was within reach it slipped from his fingers. Every single time! “Tanaka!” You were already speeding all too closely to the bottom of the hill, and you had to make a sharp turn.

…

With a groan you slowly pushed yourself off the ground. “Y/N!” “Huh? Who is-… Tanaka?” He was absolutely unrecognizable. Never before had you seen him so close to you. Never before had you seen him look so worried, scared even. Never before had you heard him call you by your first name. “Where are you hurt? How are you feeling? Do I need to summon healers?” “Did you get your scarf.” “… Seeker of the Void! Now is not the time to fret over such things! What is most important is your wel-” “I see it, your scarf!” You hopped to your feet, quickly racing to it before it got uncaught in the fallen, dented bike. “I got it!” Immediately Gundham was at by your side, dropping the broken umbrella. “You appear well enough.” “Ah! Sorry! I just wanted to get it before it was blown away again. As for me… very sore, maybe some bruising, but nothing bad. I think I more rolled than crashed. What about you?” “Heh, a pitiable attack such as that is no match for me!” “Good!”

A deep sigh escaped you as you picked up the bike. “That was certainly more than enough excitement for a week.” “Let us take shelter there for the time being.” He pointed toward a little café nearby. “What about the bike? I don’t think we can take in it in with us.” “Leave it out here. Look around, other than us no others dare to brave this treacherous terrain. Though should our transport be taken, I’ll pay the price, this is done on my suggestion after all.” Though a little hesitant you decided to go along with that plan.

Stepping into the café was like entering another world. So peaceful, so calm, it was absolutely lovely! When you and Gundham sat down you realized just how exhausted you felt. You simply let yourself sink into the seat. “… Maybe I should have thought this out more. It was awfully spur of the moment asking you out.” You looked out the window to the chaos that dwelled outside. “It was cloudy, I should have had the forethought to check the weather at least.” “Seeker of the Void.” “I mean, I was actually awake in the day and not napping to go stargazing tonight because I knew the weather wasn’t good.” “Void Seeker.” “Maybe I-”

Your thoughts suddenly came to a halt feeling your foot being nudged. “Huh?” Gundham sat there with his arms folded. His gaze seemed to bore holes into your figure, focusing solely on you. “The past matters not. You may dwell on possibilities all you like, but that will not change it.” “Yeah, you’re right. We’ve just got to make the most of this moment, right?” “Exactly.” Seeing that small kind smile curl on his lips set your mind at ease. It was then you remembered something. “Oh, and since in this moment we’re inside I can give your scarf back without it blowing away!” Not wanting to accidentally touch Gundham, knowing he didn’t like contact, you opted to place the garment on the table and slide it to him. “I thank you.”

After that not much was said. You two just enjoyed the quiet. This was just what you needed. Yes, the other patrons were a bit too noisy for either of your liking, but it was nice getting to rest after the hectic time before… It wasn’t that bad in the café either. The floor and walls were soft, light tan, wooden boards, and the furniture were a wooden dark reddish-brown. It was all so mild and warm. The other patrons mostly kept to themselves. The sounds of the creaking of wooden seats, the light thuds of foot falls against the wooden floorboard, the clinking of silverware, and the soft playing of piano music filled the air. The food was good too. The flavors like the café were mild, but comforting. Could use a little something to make it pop, but you were an astronomer, not a food critic, so you didn’t care all too much. It still tasted good.

Soon the music had changed. Still piano, but it was up-beat or at least faster paced. Jazz perhaps? Whatever genre it was, it got your foot tapping to the beat. It was a rather catchy tune too. “Hmm?” Then something got caught under your toes. Wanting to continue your tapping you decided to nudge whatever the object was out of the way. Instead it lightly nudged back? You nudged it with your other foot, which was immediately tapped against by something else. Looking up to the man who sat across from you, you saw he had his eyes closed and arms crossed. Curiously, you lightly kicked forward getting caught on something. A small huff escaped Gundham before you felt the bottom of your foot being lightly pushed back.  

Continuing to tap, nudge, kick, and push one another you were desperately trying and failing to hide your ever-growing enormous grin as Gundham looked to be perfectly stoic and composed, not even flinching. You were now determined to get him to crack. You couldn’t be the only one smiling like a little child. As you were pondering on what to do, your foot slipped when pushing back, kicking the leg of the table sending all the silverware clattering for a moment. Without thinking you clamped your hands over your mouth, not wanting to burst out into nervous laughter and drawing more attention your way. At least you got a reaction from Gundham, who genuinely looked surprised. “Geez, Tanaka. You need to be more careful; we were almost caught.” You spoke just under your breath, not wanting others to hear. “Me? What could you possibly mean? You’re the one who kicked the table.” “You’re the one who started this.” “I, Gundham Tanaka, the Overlord of Ice, would never kick off such a childish game.” “’kick off’?” You desperately tried stifling you giggle hearing the Great and Mighty Gundham Tanaka of all people make a pun. In your little fit of laughter, you missed the tinge of pink which dusted his cheeks and his gentle smile which stretched from ear to ear.

Neither of you were willing to give up your little game, you both wanted to get the last hit in and be the winner. As the game continued you got lost in your own world, all composure thrown out the window, both giggling messes. Your fun was soon interrupted though as an employee came telling you, you were starting to disturb the other customers and that you had spent far too much time loitering around, not having ordered anything else in over an hour. Gundham abruptly stood from his seat, slapping some money onto the table. “You mortal believe you can tell me, the Overlord of Ice what to do!? Though bold you are quite foolish. Come my companion! Let us take flight as to not allow these fiends to humiliate themselves further!” He then gently tugged on your coat. “… Sure, but I must add, you’re really freaking cute Tanaka.” “Cute!? P-preposterous!” Then you zipped past him, lightly kicking his foot. “You fiend! You managed to pull off such trickery! Not that it will matter for long though, for I shall be the winner!” He swiftly made chase after you out of the café.

You ran up and down the streets with the bike in hand trying to avoid Gundham’s attacks while hitting back with your own counters. Only the laughter you two shared could be heard in the calm desolate white world. It was gently carried along by the breeze ushering the peace that now existed. You noticed a glint in the Ice Lord’s eyes, as smirk formed on his lips. Suddenly white ice was kicked up distracting you from your advance and you were counter attacked! Loud, cheerful laughter erupted from deep within Gundham, and continued to do so as he spoke. “Oh dear, sweet, Seeker of the Void! You are in my domain now! There is no hope of your winning this match, for I am Gundham Tanaka, the Overlord of Ice!” “Ha! I bet you can’t get the last hit before we get to the park!” “Hah! I’d like to see you even attempt such a feat!”

The closer the two of you neared the park the more heated the battle became. You felt your heart pounding as you ran. You got the last hit, you just needed to keep dodging and you’d win! Though constantly running and laughing was not a good combination, you were so lightheaded you were likely a little delirious. Gundham was in the same position believing he was winning. Whatever the case was, neither of you could care at this point it was too fun. After placing the bike back in the rack, you leaned against it, trying to catch your breath. “Oh boy, I-I’m exhausted.” “Hmph, t-though you spend your life still and gazing, you put up quite a fight!” “Well, I guess that’s what you get for hiking up mountain peaks for the best view!”

As you made sure the bike was properly secure, Gundham’s gaze shifted towards the heavens. “Void Seeker, do you believe the winds shall grant us a clear view of you comet?” “… You remembered that? I just mentioned it off hand, didn’t I? Or did I start rambling again?” “That matters not, you spoke of it, and it’s your passion. I would never forget.” Your eyes sparkled with delight. “Well, the sky is starting to clear up so there might be a chance! Though obviously checking the weather report is the best, but I’ve found that so often it can be wrong that I just use it as more of a guideline. At this point I just go with my instinct and knowledge of the weather since I have to deal with it so much, I’ve learned a thing or two about how it works, and I think… I think we might have a chance!” “So, we are too rest now?” “Yeah! If we wanna stay up all night stargazing we’re gonna have to sleep now! Aw, I hope this works out!” Giddily you skipped into the park, twirling and spinning around as you took out your phone, setting an alarm.

“This looks like a good napping spot!” Kicking your feet up, you fell onto the ground. “Out here and not the dorms? I assumed you’d wish to quickly collect your tools.” “We’ll have enough time to get to the dorms later! Right now, I’m tired from all that running so we’ll just nap here!” Not questioning your reasoning, Gundham simply shrugged his shoulders and fell onto the ground beside you. Curling up into your coat and closing your eyes you swiftly fell asleep, just barely registering the single light nudge against your foot.

With a yawn and a stretch, you awoke to that dreaded, awful, blaring siren. “… not a cloud.” Gundham slowly sat up, grunting as he tried rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. Standing up you lightly nudged Gundham’s foot. “We need to get going if we wanna get the shopping done and get back to the school by night fall.” “Shopping?” “Yeah! We’re going to get hungry staying up all night.”

There was a spring in your step as you merrily walked along the sidewalk, occasionally playfully kicking at your companion’s feet to which he’d return the favor. The sun had yet to set but it was close to doing so. You watched as each of your breaths froze in the air before dissipating into mist and gently swirling away on the wind. The soft crunching of the ice beneath one’s footfalls was absolutely delightful on the ear.

Quickly you spotted that small neon sign flash on in the distance. Your pace slightly quickened, daydreaming of the delightful treats that awaited you and your companion inside. Arriving at the tiny convenience store you went straight to a specific aisle. “Hey, Tanaka pick out whatever you want, alright? I’ll pay!” Then you zipped around already knowing what you wanted. The elderly man behind the counter smiled and lightly waved as you passed by for a moment. “Ah, Y/N going out on another trip?” “Nope! Staying at school this time. Sorry I won’t be buying as much because of that.” “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ll be fine. You’re not my only customer you know. Now, who’s this fellow here?” “He’s my date.” “Oh, a date. I see I see. Wait… is this the great Gundham Tanaka I’ve heard so much about?” You froze for a moment feeling a blush cover your entire face. “Y-yeah. And I haven’t talked about him that much!” The man chuckled seeing Gundham’s cheeks flair up. “Ah, youth.”

The place was filled with brands and treats Gundham didn’t recognize. All the packaging was quite colorful too, a stark contrast from the simple, calm store. He meandered around looking for some treat as you chatted away with the man behind the counter about the comet tonight. Soon something caught the Ice Lord’s attention. It was but a plain blue box, a single side was see-though allowing one to spot the dull gold orb inside. “Chocolate Orange” was all that was written on the lid. After taking a few more moments to see if anything else caught his fancy he made his way for the counter, sliding the box to you.

“Huh? Aren’t you going to scan the items?” The man lightly shook his head. “You finally gained the courage to ask the young man out. I’m not going to have you worry over payment.” “What? No! I have to give you something!” “Alright, alright. Take your friend out on an out of town date some time and buy some extra treats for the road. Now get going, I’m sure there’s more exciting things to do on a date than speaking with an old man.” He laughed once more seeing how you and Gundham so easily blushed at his comments.

“Sorry about Mr. Sato. He’s a good acquaintance of mine who I end up rambling to when I go to his store. It’s always my last stop before I go on any trip stargazing, his place has the best snacks that can last for a long time!” The sun was just beginning to set, casting orange, purple, red, and yellow hues across the sky. “So, what did you get? Something new to try or an old favorite?” “Something new. Should the mere thought be tantalizing enough we could try it now.” “Oh, good idea! We can see if it’s good or not now and not have to deal with it later when the comet arrives if it’s not.”

Quickly sifting through the small paper bag, you took out the small box and held it out to Gundham. “Oh! Uh… Should I place it on the ground, or…” Your words trailed off seeing Gundham hesitantly hold up his bandaged hand. Ever so gently he took the box, his fingers brushing against yours. You swore your heart skipped a beat in that moment. Playing footsies was one thing it wasn’t really touching, but this… Neither of you spoke of it, there was no need. Words simply would have muddled the message that simple act conveyed. A simple act that meant everything to you. Getting so absorbed in the moment you almost didn’t notice how the now empty box was held out to you. “o-oh, Oh!” With a shaky hand you took the box back.

You watched as Gundham simply held the orb for a moment. The sun was directly behind him, casting his figure in a bright glow, simultaneously as a long dark shadow trailed from him. Unwrapping the gold foil from the treat, the chocolate inside was revealed. The chocolate was clearly cut into many pieces yet, still held it’s shape. After a moment of struggle Gundham managed to snap an orange segment shaped slice out… Then he held it out to you in his open bandaged palm. You heard your heart pound in your ears. Your mind sputtered to a stop just staring at that hand. All you could do was keep walking. Hesitantly that hand loosely closed and retracted, falling to Gundham’s side. You were suddenly snapped back to your senses when you felt something shaking beside your hand. Still trembling it slid into your open palm. As your fingers curled around the slice your hands parted.

The milk chocolate was mild with an orange zing that spread through the entire thing.

Gundham stood before your dorm room as you came out with your disassembled telescope in it’s case. The pair of you quickly climbed your way up to the rooftop of the dormitory. Once there you set about preparing and reassembling the telescope. You then spread out a blanket and laid atop it, simply waiting for the show to begin. After an hour or so of occasionally nudging the other’s feet with your own it finally happened. A streak cut through the sky quickly dissipating. Then another, and another till those streaks filled the sky. Confused, Gundham turned to you. “Do you know how the phenomena of meteor showers or shooting stars happen? Most often they occur when a comet passes by. The comet leaves a lot of stuff behind in it’s travels, that stuff getting pulled in by a planet’s gravity. As it enters the atmosphere, it burns up, disintegrating before it even gets to make impact, that’s why it’s so bright.”

Your eyes always seemed to be fixed on the sky, it was rarer your gaze shifted to anywhere else. Gundham used to wonder why that was. Was there something up there you longed for that was out of reach here? Did you just like marveling at it’s beauty? Quickly after meeting you, he stopped questioning it. It didn’t matter really. It just meant that if you even did pay attention to anything else, it must have been quite special indeed. So, when you turned to glance at him, to him, the world stopped. Being with such a person, a person who only dedicated their time to things they cared about and nothing else. It made him feel like he meant absolutely everything… that must have been why the simple word ‘date’ could send his heart aflight. It was because YOU said it. You asked him, not the other way around. You really wanted to be with him.

You shivered as that cold wind brushed past. As you hugged yourself you noticed Gundham had scooted closer to you. Undoing his scarf, he rewrapped it around himself but with only one end, the other was gently placed atop your shoulders. A content sigh slipped from his chapped lips seeing you so tenderly wrap the garment around yourself.

Though that night felt to be an eternity the sun still rose. Neither of you dared move as it climbed higher and higher into that brightening sky. Gundham tried stifling it, but you still caught the yawn that managed to escape him. You gently tugged on the scarf, signaling Gundham to stand up. You slowly set to disassembling the telescope, collecting your trash and rolling up the blanket. The whole time you were tied close to one another, not willing to loosen the scarf even a little.

All to soon you found yourselves standing before your room. Gently you untied the scarf. “… Void Seeker. I… I wish to continue this ritual. This ‘date’ was but the first step after all. So… would you have me? To keep close…” He feared his heart was going to burst from his chest as he spoke. He found he couldn’t look you in the eyes. “… Want to stay up all night for New Year’s Eve and day, but that’s a few days from now… Well, it’ll take a day to readjust our sleeping schedule. I’ll be up for being awake in the day, day after tomorrow!” “Y-yes! Certainly! A-and I, Gundham Tanaka, shall plan the date this time! Come and reunite with me at the same place and time from our date yesterday!” His strangely excited yet nervous laughter filled the air as he practically sprinted away.

Dashing into his room he slammed the door shut. He took deep breaths trying to steady his racing heart. Leaning against the wall he slid down, just letting gravity take him. Lightly chuckling, he smiled, it sinking in that he got another date! Wait- were you two going steady now? Were you partners!? Then that familiar pitter patter of feet filled the air. “My Devas, you’ve awakened!... You sensed the Void Searcher’s presence on me, no doubt…” The four hamsters quickly, yet sleepily scurried towards Gundham. “Y-yes……… I- N-NO THEY ARE NOT MY MATE, WE’RE STILL COURTING!... well… not at the moment, I believe? M-maybe…” Of all beings, Gundham never thought his loyal Devas would be teasing him about his crush… or would it be his partner? He burrowed his face into his scarf, desperate to hide… The scarf you also wore… So much for trying to slow his heart! “It seems these affections for Y/N will be the end of me.” Hugging the scarf close, he smiled, day dreaming of what to do on your next date.

[night-dragon937]

workin on a big project... it will be canon to the giant project that @genesiscaveat and @derpyhawker and us have worked on, dating back to... 2012?? somewhere around there i think. gen has posted some stuff about characters from this. (explaining below cut for those who care!!)

anyway, we're going to tell the main storyline through an interactive medium. i'm not gonna say what, because as far as we know, no one has thought of using this medium to tell stories. it will be a cross between an arg, an ask blog, and a fic but in a new medium!! we're planning so much stuff for this... big canon lore, canon characters chatting, more arg type stuff online (if we can get the funds to pay for and maintain custom domains--) and---- we're all so excited for this!! this has been a project long in the making, but neurodivergency says No Novel Work so we're doing it differently!! we still have A Lot to do and then we're going to do some beta testing/pilot episode or whatever (prob inviting members from the witch hat cult discord server (join today!! it's a fun public server where we hang out and chat and mess with bots!!) before releasing it to everyone)

there's a lot of work to go into this but we're so excited!! these almost decade old stories and characters can see the light of day!! we can share our main passion with everybody!!!! (this has literally been a hyperfixation for YEARS for us-- )

it will be a lot bigger and a lot different than it first seems. we'll introduce it slowly so no one is thrown headfirst into lore we've spent almost a decade working on--

it will be about a pg-13 rating, or YA thing. some crude jokes, some gore, angsty/bad situations, and language. big mental health triggers will be avoided to the best of our ability, but the story may reference characters' backstories that DO have big mental health triggers. that's just the nature of our writing, we tackles big issues. we will put tws before each thing!! so one will know beforehand, but there shouldn't be anything too horrible in most of the chapters.

selling points: - representation!! diversity!! we're doing our best!! i don't think there's a concise way to list all of the different representations we're trying to include.

- tackling rw issues- this can be a trigger but it's also important to us to address.

- literally canon subplots that only exist bc we were bored and were like "what if" that are not at all related to the plot but it's too funny for us to not include

- superpowers!!

- occasionally references that aren't always intentional bc we have been raised by the internet

- it will be live things, somewhat scripted rping between characters

- lots of characters!! all with their own stories!! no token characters!!

- there will be a lot of random side development lore that will only be discoverable by digging through stuff! not necessarily vital to the plotline, but fun stuff we've thought of and development we've done!! (geared towards those who hyperfixate and feel the need to dig up Every. Single. Detail. because that's how we all are.)

- tws and cws before anything that involves common triggers- we care

- super interactive community!!

- literally an area to discuss stuff and share clues and ask questions if you're confused!!!!

- catch up thingeys so that people can get caught up as they join!!

- more to be added!! the server was created like maybe 40 min ago lol

:D literally happy stimming over this i can't wait until we can publicize this!!!!

[that0negayslytherin]

What would you change on Love Victor exactly? Asking as someone that likes S1 and wants to understand what are the problems some have with it.

OK buckle in because I have so many thoughts on how I would change S1. Granted, this is all based on personal preference so like if you disagree please feel free to do so!!

(As a disclaimer, I really love this show. I love the characters so much and I think the cast brings such life to them. Most of my problems are more on the writing/structural level when it comes down to it. Just want to make it very clear that I’m not trying to tear the show down. We should be critical of the things we enjoy!! Ok, so without further ado,)

Things I would change about Love Victor S1:

First of all, the timeline. There...isn’t one LMAO. This is a gripe more from the fanfic writer’s perspective as well, as it just makes it difficult to know where they’re situated in the school year, when important events happened, etc. Timeline is a mess! But also, how long were Victor and Mia together? How long was he at Creekwood before things started happening between them? We can speculate but it’s all very vague.

BENJI. We know hardly anything about him?? And he’s supposed to be like Victor’s gay awakening in some ways and the major love interest for Vic? And by trying to make him this like mysterious but magnetic beacon of gayness they lso sort of stripped him of a personality.

ALSO Victor never shows interest or attraction to literally any other male (my friends and I joke that maybe he’s not even gay he’s just Benji-sexual) and that’s something that could’ve been remedied so easily with like a single line of internal dialogue or something.

Which brings me to Derek, who I do think is an interesting character but also just sort of exists to act as a barrier between Victor and Benji, which is...unnecessary imo because Victor is already putting up barriers himself (dating Mia, namely) to avoid coming to terms with things. One thing I will say is that through his relationship with Derek we learn things about Benji, but I also think it’s a problem that a lot of what we know about Benji is only in relation to how he functions in his romantic relationship. Anyway I would’ve preferred just to learn more about Benji and cut the character of Derek altogether.

I understand this would cause issues for the birthday party episode and they would’ve had to change a lot of what happened there, but getting Victor to a point where he confronts his grandfather for being homophobic could’ve been done another way without making a weird example of Derek and Benji.

AND ANOTHER THING, Benji’s insistence on being super open about their gayness even though Victor tells him that his grandparents aren’t down with that is. Not realistic from my perspective LOL like most queer people would be like oh shit ok gotchu I would very much like to not be attacked for my identity today! That’s a more specific thing but yeah that didn’t make any sense to me.

Victor’s parents. GOD, I do NOT think we needed as much of their storyline as we got. I understand wanting to provide valid reasons for them to up and move in the middle of a school year, but I just think the season spent way too much time on it as a way to parallel Victor’s cheating, which just felt really extraneous to me.

Speaking of his family, I feel like we get almost ALL of their religiousness in the first episode or so and then it sort of gets dropped for most of the season? Which doesn’t make sense because that seems to be a pretty big factor in Victor struggling to accept his sexuality so I think that could have been more consistent.

This is more of a minor thing that comes down to personal taste, but some of the dialogue is...not great? Just a little cringey and trying too hard to be cool I think? But some of it IS good which sort of makes the bad dialogue feel worse like we know you can give us good dialogue so the awkward moments seem magnified I guess.

Ultimately, my biggest issue is that they structured the show as more of an ensemble show but then didn’t give it the space to actually be that. Ten 30-minute episodes was not enough time to cover all of the storylines and subplots they created, which is a shame because I really like a lot of the characters. For instance, I do sort of like Felix and Lake, but for a show that’s supposed to be about a person of color figuring out that he’s gay, there was way too much focus on a white cishet couple. I also thought that a lot of Mia’s storyline was really interesting but, again, there wasn’t enough space in the season to really do it justice. I really hope that season 2 is structured a little differently (longer episodes, maybe) because they’ve already revealed a SLEW of new characters, and while I love the idea of adding more queer characters and expanding on the world, I also worry that the main points (namely the fallout of Victor’s coming out and the start of his first gay relationship) will get a little bit lost in all of it.

At the end of the day, like I said, I really do love this show. Victor is such a relatable character for me and I think Michael does an incredible job playing him, and the whole cast really is just phenomenal. One of the reasons I enjoy the show is because of choices the actors have made, little moments that could be nothing but take on an extra life because of things like body language, inflection, etc (e.g. I personally think a lot [most?] of the Venji moments are only as good as they are because Michael and George have such great chemistry). Also, it’s a very cute show and it’s a lot of fun!!! My hope is that some of these issues are more or less remedied come season 2 <3

I also recognize that the switch from Disney+ to Hulu may have had some bearing on some of these issues so I don’t want to 100% fault the writers, but I do think that there’s just way too much going on in the first season relative to the collective runtime.

Finally, I’m going to take this opportunity to plug the LV Fic Lovers Discord server because we talk a LOT about our S2 wishlists, critiques and praise of the first season, and stuff about new cast information in addition to talking about fanfic, so if you’re into the show and want a space to talk with other people who enjoy it, I highly recommend checking it out!! :)

[danwhobrowses]

Why ‘The Karate Kid Part II’ Deserves More Respect

So guess what film I finished watching today? Of course, the Karate Kid franchise is considered iconic mainly for its first entry; Wax on Wax off, Skeleton fights, Sweep the Leg and the Crane Kick all cemented its legacy that allowed Cobra Kai to also be such a success. But imagine my shock when the approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes for Part II is 45% - 21% lower than the Jaden Smith ‘The Karate Kung Fu Kid’ version (and Part III is scored 15%, which is also super harsh but hard to debate outside of the magnificence of Terry Silver). Originally this was just gonna be a general post of how much I enjoyed retreading Part II, but upon seeing that score I had to give it my ‘Deserves More Respect’ posts.

It is an off-chance, but if you haven’t watched this film there will be spoilers within, I encourage you to watch it before reading, and maybe watch it again if you have so it’s fresh in the mind

Let’s start with a controversial point shall we? There are several parts where Part II is actually better than the original. Now I know! There’s a lot about the original which is iconic, but nostalgia does blind you to other shortcomings and while it’s easy to sell the first part because of its mystique, a sequel has the added pressure of rising above and developing on old and new themes set by the predecessor. The Premise In case you decided against refreshing your memory. Karate Kid Part II starts with a recap of Part I, a bit of content that was meant to be Part I’s final scene (in the script, not for filming) and then a timeskip. Ali with an i is gone - brutally dumping Daniel for some Football Player before Senior Prom and after crashing his car, Daniel’s mother is in Fresno for work and Miyagi has received a letter from his home Okinawa in news of his father’s fading health. The stage is set for Daniel and the audience to learn more about the iconic Mr. Miyagi and the life he left behind. Okay, so there is bad in this film Part II deserves respect, but it’s not perfect. It definitely gets messy near the end with Daniel’s antagonist Chozen, he mainly took beats from Johnny Lawrence in physically confronting Daniel when he could with a bunch of no-named goons and he fought pretty similarly to Johnny in catch counters and leg strikes. The opening recap did take a lot of time too, while the ending remained somewhat abrupt having just beaten up Chozen to embrace Kumiko (who had a delayed recovery after being punched once). While not bad, a fair amount of retreaded content felt like downgrades of the original; Chozen and Sato lacked the charisma of Johnny and Kreese, the crane kick was far more impressive than the drum technique and the Tournament setting was grander than the O-Bon festival. But, there are Iconic Moments in this film too Part I may have the Crane Kick and the Skeletons and the Training and Sweep the Leg. But people may forget that Part II had awesome moments too.

Like Daniel chopping through 6 Sheets of Ice! If that isn’t one hell of a power play I don’t know what is. It is a moment genuinely impressive in and outside of the 80s cheese universe of Karate Kid, and it gets referenced in Season 2 of Cobra Kai.

Also referenced in Season 2 is Miyagi vs Kreese. While this is the intended ending for Part I, it certainly acted better at the start of Part II, especially given that is foreshadows the situation Daniel finds himself in at the end of the movie. This moment is equally iconic as it completely encapsulates the character of both senseis - Kreese the confident brute brought to a sniveling mouse when size and power failed him and Miyagi the cool-headed and vastly more intelligent fighter still with the cheeky prankster lightness to him as he honks the scared shitless Kreese on the nose. Perfect.

While I did want to cite the Tea Ceremony as well I think the more iconic moment for Part II had to be Miyagi chopping the log during the storm. The storm itself is a very well-done scene which unmasks several characters in the face of adversity. True tension, worry and stakes are sold as the village are in danger of the cruel whims of nature, an act which is all too real for Sato when the house he’s in collapses on him in the calm before his scheduled deathmatch with Miyagi. Not only is this again some great foreshadowing by the rule of three (Daniel asking if Miyagi can chop a log like Sato is doing with a banner and then Miyagi and Sato meeting and seeing Sato fail to chop a log) it proves a pivotal point where Sato turns from aggrieved antagonist to repenting ally. A great show of power and friendship as Miyagi metaphorically breaks the rift between their friendship that weighs Sato down. Okay, we hear you, but how is it better? I do have to preface that I do still love Part I, I have to because in pointing out where Part II is better I have to pick at Part I’s faults. While the ending is messy Part II definitely has much better pacing, until the skeletons scene Part I doesn’t really pick up because it has to set up, Part II while it does recap doesn’t need to worry about it. Giving Miyagi the main plot was definitely Part II’s strongest suit. Part I profited from Miyagi being the ‘mysterious old teacher’ but learning a lot more about his humanity and history was engrossing and it allowed positive development for Miyagi and Daniel, especially their bond as a surrogate father and son when Daniel personally goes out of his way to support Miyagi on a very personal matter. The main characters maintain their charm as well, still a lovely array of life lessons in Part II more than just finding balance, Miyagi teaches Daniel through words and action on taking time to breathe, to refocus when imbalanced, to forgive rather than to harbour hate, mercy, selflessness and humbleness

“never put passion before principle. Even if win, you lose.” - Mr. Miyagi

The scenes involving Miyagi and his father were some of the most deep and emotive of the series up until Cobra Kai, some still haven’t been topped such as Miyagi’s dad’s first words to his son or when Daniel talked about when his father died.  And say what you will about Chozen, he does have a lot of Johnny vibes but a lot of the character we believed was Johnny due to nostalgia goggles was more fitting of Chozen’s manner. The story did a great job in making sure Chozen was always an asshole, at times Johnny did at least display honour and grace but Chozen was always sore about stuff and quick to claim dishonour even when he was in the wrong. Contrary to Johnny it’s more about his family than it is about a girl, which allowed a lot more freedom in the plot. Whether you felt Elizabeth Shue’s Ali with an i was prettier than Tamlyn Tomita’s Kumiko is up to personal preference, but the messy-haired Kumiko definitely had a slightly improved presence in Part II than Ali did, with actual focus on her own feelings outside of attraction to Daniel, her ambition to become a dancer directly linking to the O-Bon Festival - which in turn related to the Drum technique - as well as the delicately beautiful Tea Ceremony scene and actually contributing to the final fight (granted Ali wouldn’t be allowed to). Also Daniel didn’t try to eat her face which is a general improvement to the romantic subplot, extra applause has to go to Tomita here too because this was legitimately her first role - Shue had her second so that’s impressive too - and both women had good careers going forward. The increased stakes definitely worked in the favour of Part II as well, as sequel culture is forced to do, but by moving to Okinawa (actually filmed in Hawaii) we opened the door to better suit Miyagi’s world while keeping Daniel the fish out of water. I can’t speak too much for appropriation because there is still kinda some ‘white saviour’ undertones but I didn’t feel like Japan was treated negatively in this light, its culture of the O-Bon Festival and the Tea Ceremony was treated with the utmost respect and explained without pandering, the flute music had definitely stepped up its game for the soundtrack as did the imagery. Can also appreciate that Daniel does go for the Crane kick when fighting Chozen but is parried. Added hat tip has to go to costuming too. A lot of costumes would have to have distinct Kamon such as Sato’s twin fish and Miyagi’s bonsai on a lot of their clothing

Between Sato and Miyagi the colours of their clothes often code their emotions towards each other, with Sato usually in grey and Miyagi in white or cream, when Sato and Miyagi prepare for death they are in black and when Sato wants forgiveness he moves to a lighter shade. While Part I also used black and white to differ Johnny and Daniel, Part II put Chozen and Daniel in the more Japanese-themed Red and Blue. While both men wear red, blue and whites at time, Chozen’s clothes almost devolve from the white he debuts in as his darker side comes out before flat out embracing yellow after his chance to prove his honour in the storm is refused (and he’s in white then), while Daniel often moves to Red or red tones even in his blue shirt. Kumiko also moves from white to blue, sometimes even purple, in set up to the final fight to have the primary colours stand out in the colourful crowd of the O-Bon festival, but even in the blue Kumiko had red to pair her connection with Daniel. Also her Yukata at the festival is just stunning, the Great Wave off Kanagawa print is a nice touch.

Anything else we should know? It might not be much else about the film itself I can tell you, but I do appreciate something I’m starting to call ‘The Rocky Connection’ when it comes to Karate Kid. Like Part I’s ‘You’re the Best (Around)’ was shortlisted for Rocky III, Part II’s song ‘Glory of Love’ was shortlisted for Rocky IV’s theme, losing to ‘Hearts on Fire’, Bill Conti also chose to score this film instead of Rocky IV. I like to pair this with Daniel’s Rocky-esque character, he has that same kind of swagger but a lot more naive and childlike. Martin Kove also gets a nod because those bleeding hands were legit, he had an accident on-set and the footage was kept for the final cut. Tamlyn Tomita wasn’t the only film debut for Part II, B.D. Wong of...well, several famous roles including but not limited to Shang in the animated Mulan, Dr. Wu in the Jurassic Park franchise, Hugo Strange in Gotham and many more, also had his debut here in a minor speaking role when he’s handing out flyers for the dance party to Kumiko and Daniel before the Ice Chopping Scene. So, why does it deserve respect A film that adds to a beloved character in a respectful fashion without having really any god awful moments does not deserve a 4.5/10 rating. It may not have as emphatic an ending or as great a villain but it has a captivating plot and a good pace, better stakes and much more emotionally driven and responsive scenes. A lot of effort and dedication went into this film to explore new dimensions of the main characters in a fashion which was enjoyable and at times heartwarming. And characters are given human moments, even Miyagi confesses himself not to be perfect and it keeps each character grounded. Even to this day parts of Part II are remembered fondly rather than the campness that Part III had outside of Terry Silver and his magnificent ponytail, the fondness also continues to reflect in Cobra Kai with homages and fan theories of Daniel going to Okinawa again and even re-encountering Chozen. Not to mention it grossed $113m on a $13m budget and got nominated for a Best Original Song Oscar (losing to Top Gun) Part II was a good and enjoyable film which deserves far more credit than to be rated this low, for that it deserves respect.

[theastrophilearchitect]

A new project.

Because the first one wasn’t working. Writing journey #3.

Tue 30/03/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ Word Count: 42,150 07.27 Hello! So I established in my last writing update that I was taking a break from my WIP ‘Bay Tree’, to return May 10th, and even though I’m not writing today, I just wanted to say that taking a break feels amazing. I’m focusing on reading (granted, I’ve been reading House of Earth and Blood for like two weeks) and it’s really helping ideas for edits develop. 

In my draft, I got to chapter 13 (I think) of twenty-something (because I didn’t fully outline the climax, so I’m unclear as to how many chapters there will ultimately be) but I just don’t think I can get all the way through a draft without first doing some developmental edits. So, for the next few weeks, I’m going to note the changes I think I could make, then figure out which ones I won’t implement, then how I will implement the others on May 10th.

In the meantime, this Thursday, I’m going to start working on a new WIP, which I have quite a clear idea for, but obviously need to develop the plot. So that’s it for today, and I’ll update again for my new project on Thursday April 1st.

Thu 01/04/2021 09.54 It is Thursday! I’m free for a couple weeks! Which means it’s time to start working on a new project. My goal for the day is just to compile some of the various ideas I have into something vaguely cohesive, then I’ll develop it tomorrow, and hopefully make a skeletal outline on Saturday, scene block on Sunday... I’m going to shut up before I set myself a thousand insane deadlines, but I’d like to have started a draft by the end of my free time. So, let’s go.

Wow. Blank documents really are intimidating, aren’t they?

13.04 I already had my core concept, but now I have almost a justification for it--why it happens, and I think I want to build up my world first, then characters, because knowing the world and its various peoples will allow me to figure out how exactly they fit in and develop their motivations, then finally do the plot. I’ll only work out the three characters I’m currently certain will be integral for the plot, because I don’t want to waste time on developing characters who are ultimately unnecessary, like I did in the earliest days of Bay Tree. 

Basically, with a world, I can work out motivations; with motivations, I can work out characters, and with characters, I can create a character-driven plot. I want to focus on creating both lovable characters and a memorable plot--I know all my favourite books have memorable characters, but the ones I enjoy the absolute most are the ones where it doesn’t feel like the plot only exists to drive the characters into relationships (I’m looking at you, Cassandra Clare. Seriously, I love Shadowhunters books, but the technically ‘main’ plots always feel second to the subplots).

Fri 02/04/2021 08.16 Honestly, didn’t get too much done yesterday. Mostly because I ended up down a rabbit hole of researching (though I do think what I learned will help me to form my world), and I was busier than I expected to be. Regardless, I think I want to make this a series. I have a feeling Bay Tree is also going to become at least two books when I revisit it, but I’m going to go into this one with that intention.

Obviously I don’t know how long it will be right now, but I think I’m going to aim for three books, then let it shape itself.

12.25 I just spent an hour writing out a history of the world and how it got to where it is. This is really fun, but really intense.

16.36 So, I have a rough plot in mind. I have an ending, a catalyst, a backstory for the world, and a few characters. And a lot of things that need names. I waited a really long time to name my characters in Bay Tree, thinking they’d be easier to name when I had then conceptualised, which makes sense, but I’d given them numbers with which to refer to them until that point, so it was a long time before my protagonist became her actual name instead of just ‘3′, despite the fact she technically became 2 because I had to cut 1.

Anyway, going to pick names, then let nominative determinism do its thing.

Jesus, I have no good male names. I keep a list of names, first and last, I like for use, but I have so many more female ones than I do male.

In Bay Tree, I used MBTIs as a starting point for personalities, which I’m planning to do here, especially since I know the types so much better now, but I want names first.

Maybe I just ought to choose this specific character’s surname first. Maybe he goes by his surname, or some variation thereupon (like how Daniel Arlington from Ninth House goes by Darlington).

Maybe he doesn’t need a name. Maybe we literally just call him Hero Guy.

God, screw this. He’s Hero Guy until either it comes to me, or I have no choice but to name him.

Sat 03/04/2021 11.15 I feel like crap today. I’ve been doing nothing for three hours, and I, quite frankly, need to get something done. So I’m going to write.

12.41 Wow, initial development really is the hardest bit of the process, huh?

Sun 04/04/2021 08.04 I’d really like to do more worldbuilding first, and character development, but it’s difficult when I don’t know the different parts’ roles. So, today, I’m going to attempt to outline the primary plot points of the three books. Attempt being the operative word here.

13.41 Honestly, yeah, I’m struggling with the plot. I think I managed to get Bay Tree’s plot so fast when I sat down to actually write it because it had been on my brain for a couple weeks, whereas I literally started this project three days ago.

Maybe that’s how I’ll handle this--when I hit a wall with one project, I work on the other to give myself some distance. Working on Bay Tree requires less thought anyway, because that plot’s already mostly figured out. Yeah. I think I’m going to revisit Bay Tree, but for reference’s sake, I’m going to dub the new project... eh... the first thing that came to mind was ‘Feather President’ which is more related to the actual content than ‘Bay Tree’, but it sounds so much crazier. I want to dub it something that actually could be a title, even if it definitely won’t be the final title, because I don’t want people to look at my blog, see ‘Feather President’ in the pinned post and immediately assume I’m insane.

Could always just use an acronym. Let’s go with FSB; those are one of the character’s (also the only character who so far has a name) initials, which may ultimately change, but it works for now. Bay Tree and FSB.

I’m going to end this particular writing stint here and come back in a couple hours, at which point I’m going to switch back to Bay Tree.

I should really stop planning so far ahead when my plans will inevitably change.

15.40 So here’s the plan I currently have that I definitely won’t stick to: at the start of each week, I’ll determine which project I work on (operating Monday-Sunday; if you think the week starts any day but Monday, you’re wrong, and I’m not sorry), and only work on that project throughout the week. So I’ll work on Bay Tree this week, and FSB next week.

I’m going to let myself work on a project for more than one week at a time, but I think I’m going to say I can only work on one for three consecutive weeks before I have to switch to the other. This seems like a good way to stay excited. Yes.

This second? Not completely sure. Might just go read and deal with it tomorrow.

Mon 05/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 11.37 Actually really glad I just sat down and read--I read about 200 pages yesterday in total, which meant I could easily finish the last 100 pages this morning. So I finished Starsight (the recent reads post will probably be up by the time this one is)--was anyone aware the A Court of Silver Flames paperback is £24 on Amazon? Anyone?

Anyway, we’re returning to Bay Tree today, after nearly two weeks (I know that’s not even long), and I’m going to attempt to implement my edits, by which I mean I’m going to put scene changes at the bottom in brackets, then technically implement them when I redraft.

Tue 06/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 09.11 I didn’t exactly accomplish much yesterday. I spent a good few hours just watching YouTube, because I didn’t have any motivation to do work, which screwed up my schedule, and I did no writing aside from transferring my list of edits from my phone to my document. I started reading Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater, but didn’t get very far in--I’m obsessed with Stiefvater’s writing style; it’s the perfect mix between typical prose and fairytale-style storytelling. Anyway.

I’m going to switch to a new Scrivener project for the sake of cleaning it up--Bay Tree is a hot mess right now--and hopefully begin to implement my edits--maybe not today, but certainly this week.

Thu 08/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 16.53 So I haven’t yet had a day where I’ve done nothing (since my break finished), but the last couple days I’ve just been doing tiny amounts of what I’m calling ‘reference pruning’, where I’m just editing and clarifying character, worldbuilding and location documents. I’ve ‘pruned’ five character references, and I hate it. It needs to be done, but it doesn’t need to be done now. I’ve decided I’m just going to completely clear out the new Scrivener project I started for Bay Tree, and add stuff to it as it becomes necessary. I’m going to make notes of overarching edits (stuff I can’t just note at the bottom of a scene), and just get started with draft 1.7, adding and editing references as it becomes necessary. I’m also going to say I just need to spend an hour writing a day, rather than a word minimum.

Okay. Edits established. Things to bear in mind established. I need to go through the character profile for the POV character in chapter one, then we can get started. Or rather, I’ll get started tomorrow, because I need to go cook soon, and even if I do have time after dinner, I’m not going to, because I’m going to read then. Okay. Character.

I’m getting excited again!

Oh, and the setting. I need to do the setting document.

I’d like to draw attention tot he fact one of my character documents describes her as having ‘black upturned gold eyes.’ 

Clearly I couldn’t pick a colour, but now I’m inspired to give her heterochromia.

Character done, and setting undone, but I need to go cook now, so I’ll pick this back up tomorrow, when I may also do some actual work.

I just hope these posts give someone security in that writing is a messy process, and you don’t have to be perfect all the time to be a) competent, and b) a writer. I’m a competent writer, and I’ve only ever written about 60% of a draft. But I’m still going, still trying, and that’s the point.

Fri 09/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’: 484 words 09.15 Okay. So we’re redrafting, and this is like my fourth draft of the first chapter, so let’s just go.

Sun 11/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’: 576 words 09.01 Yeah, I missed yesterday. Ironically, having time off seems to be making productivity more difficult, despite the fact I actually have time for it. 

09.19 I feel like this project is making me stagnate. I think what I have is almost subconsciously tying me down, preventing me from improving, but I don’t want to just restart, because I want my bases, and it’s so ingrained in my head, I can’t physically start from scratch. Crap.

I think it needs to sit for longer. Crap.

It’s alright. I mean, it sucks, but it’s alright. It’s not like there’s any ideal age to become an author anyway, and I’m a long way off the average. I have time, and if it takes shelving projects now to complete better ones later, so be it. Maybe I’ll return to Bay Tree in a few weeks, or a few months, or a few years, or never, but I’ve learnt a lot from it.

So we move on.

Mon 12/04/2021 - FSB 08.05 This post is such a mess. I’m a mess at the moment. Today, we’re just continuing to work on FSB’s plot, and I think I’m already going to change the name of the character whose initials are FSB, so its nickname will probably change, too.

I had a trilogy in mind, but looking at it now, I think a duology will be best to convey the arc I have in mind.

21.51 I’ve actually accomplished quite a lot today--I’ve mostly been doing character profiles, but that helps me form tidbits to add to the story, which I can eventually string together. We’re progressing.

Tue 13/04/2021 - FSB 08.37 Hello! I think I can safely come to the conclusion I prefer development to actual drafting. Anyway, today I’m going to focus on completing the character profile for my other protagonist and do a little more work on another important figure. Then, I hope to be able to figure out the drive of the main plot in book one.

On another note, I am debating whether to plan out two books or three. Mulling it over, I think three books would give a more fulfilling arc, but it depends if I can work out enough content for the main plot. We’ll see.

Yeah, it’s going to be three. Two just can’t carry the impact I want.

20.00 I made pretty good progress today, but I just wanted to make the point I’m a lot more confident this project will hold my interest for longer than Bay Tree. This was something ruminating in the back of my mind for weeks, that I was desperate to write, where Bay Tree was very much a ‘sit down, make something up’ process at the beginning. Anyway, I think I’m done writing for the day, and I’ll get back to this tomorrow. (Because unlike most writers, I have a functional sleep schedule)

Wed 14/04/2021 09.19 Honestly, my head is empty right now, so I really need to open my project before determining what I want to do today.

Okay, so we’re basically just going to continue filling in holes.

14.50 Working out the plot, I’m pretty confident I’ve got the A plot covered, which the B plot will fit into, but I need more subplots.

Thu 15/04/2021 10.12 I want to work this one out mostly on the fly. I have nearly the whole of book one plotted out, but I want to work out the fine details as I write it; as I go, I’ll add more detail to my outlines of two and three. But for now, book one.

15.28 I’ve got basically the whole of book one covered; there’s just a gaping hole in act one, that I’m not sure I can fill. I mean, I can fill it, and I will, but I don’t feel like it’ll be that intentional of a thing. I think it’ll be more of an accidental idea that happens to flourish, but I’m going to keep working nonetheless.

Fri 16/04/2021 14.08 Good afternoon! I would’ve started writing earlier, but I wanted to catch up on the reading I didn’t do yesterday to make sure I finish A Court of Silver Flames within a week, so I can return the ebook and get a refund, because, despite being £6 cheaper than the paperback, it still cost me £8, and I want my money back. (Seriously, the paperback is fourteen pounds on amazon. Which is nearly twenty dollars. Which is pretty standard for a hardback, but it’s the paperback.) I’m about ten pages off meeting my minimum for the day (though I need to surpass that if I do want to finish it within a week), but it’s writing time.

14.37 I’m still establishing how, exactly, it applies, but I think I’ve solved it!

Definitely happy that as I’m planning, all I want is to make the characters happy, because I already love them so much. But they don’t get to be.

I have a section on a Pinterest board that’s just called ‘Simping’, and is just pictures of couples doing cute as shit things, and I literally just want my characters to dance together. Always. In Bay Tree, in FSB. Just dancing.

15.04 I have book one covered. It still needs development, scene development, but I can now move on to outlining book two, during which I’ll continue to develop one, integrate themes and such. 

Honestly, the plot falling into place is absolutely the most exciting part of writing. I get an adrenaline rush (yes, while sitting in a chair, typing), I start to love the characters, the world, the story... ahhhh.

I’m actually really satisfied with how the plot seems to be going.

16.44 The word ambiguous has too many Us in it. Three vowels in a row??? And the vowel sequence is a palindrome?? Don’t want it. 

I’m just sat here discovering new music. And it’s all so good and so dramatic and so perfect.

Okay, why do I have to come up with ideas so easily when I don’t need them? Then when I do I have nothing?

17.51 And just to clarify now, this post will actually end with Sunday the 18th, because after that I’m going to take three weeks completely off writing (aside from noting ideas), because I have a lot going on, then I’ll return on May 10th.

Note to self: develop a character who isn’t one of your two protagonists.

Sat 17/04/2021 10.23 I’m thinking I ought to do a more in-depth outline of book one before doing the basis of book two. Help me set up subplots and so on. Yanno, because other characters need some kind of agency, and I currently basically have two characters.

Sun 18/04/2021  08.52 I managed to plot out Bay Tree so fast because I’d already done so much development--plot was the only thing I was still missing. Anyway, I’m having a minor crisis. I think I’m a plotter, but I’m not entirely certain. It clearly didn’t work for Bay Tree. I think I may just start a draft of FSB now, and hope that lets me work out the other two books as I go.

In one of my excessive plans I will probably fail to stick to: I think I’d like to write a draft of the whole trilogy, all the way through, before even editing book one. I’ll obviously make notes of edits as I go, write as if I’ve already made them, eg. if, while writing book two, I have an idea for a book one edit, I’ll write book two as if I’ve already implemented it, which means I’ll have a little less editing to do of book two.

I have this all planned out in my head, but I’m probably being overambitious. We’re staying optimistic, though. I don’t believe in manifesting, but we’re manifesting.

14.23 I want to say I tried. I got a few details for the first couple chapters, but when I opened a doc to actually write it... nope. I need an outline to have a starting point. I just need detail.

Scene blocking sucks. But then I can’t write without it, so what can you do?

And I guess that wraps up this update. Writing this section, I’m about halfway through the writing break, and I have so many more ideas for this project. I was excited for Bay Tree because it was the first time I really made progress, but I’m excited for this one because I genuinely love this story. This post is going up May 14th, at which point I’ll be back to writing, and the next update should come mid to early June. 

And that’s a wrap.

[ty-talks-comics]

The Boys Season 1 Review and Comparison

This was so cathartic.

In an age where we’re inundated with superhero media on all fronts with their bright colors, cheery jokes and positive outlooks, it’s easy to slowly become sick of it, feel the “superhero fatigue” as it were. Where Marvel ruins some stories with far too many jokes (looking at you Thor: Ragnarok) and DC is far too dreary and serious for its own good with a lack of levity, where can one turn to for a GOOD happy medium?

Well, in comes Seth Rogan and Evan Gold, the brilliant minds behind the amazing adaptation of Preacher with yet another brutal and slightly more cynical series. The Boys absolutely stuns not only by being a genuinely compelling series, but also by being one of the few adaptations that improves on the original medium in a few aspects.

Story

The story centers around Hughie Campbell and the titular Boys as they work to expose the horrific deeds of The Seven, a collective of the world's greatest superheroes, and the company that sponsors them, Vought American.

In this world, superheroes are everywhere. They're on breakfast cereals, TV shows, movies, pretty much every piece of media and entertainment imaginable while also protecting America from crime. Sounds familiar, huh? The kicker here is that, much like every asshole celebrity that lets the fame and fortune go to their heads, these heroes are massive cunts. They take performance enhancing drugs, routinely cause accidents that hurt or kill people, sexually harass people left and right and just lie to their adoring public like they’re children.

Unlike the books, however, The Boys team isn’t the well oiled machine that’s been taking down and blackmailing superheroes for years and the first four episodes are spent introducing the different team members.This is likely due to wanting to give people time to care about them individually and the limited number of episodes in the season. This definitely works in also retooling the characters themselves for TV since they may not have seventy-two issues of character development ahead of them

For the most part, the show follows the initial story beats of the comics with a few select differences before splintering off in an entirely new direction. Hughie’s girlfriend still gets blown apart by A-Train, he denies Vought America’s hush money which draws the attention of Billy Butcher and Starlight joins the Seven after the “death” of the hero Lamplighter. 

This also means that there's less time to focus on smaller plotlines and teams that are referenced to in passing dialogue like the Teenage Kix, a pastiche on the Teen Titans, or Payback, the number two group of superheroes to The Seven. While seeing the team take these guys down on the small screen would have been fun, I like the idea of keeping the plot focused on just the core group of antagonists. This way, we don’t have to slog through three or four seasons of small fry and get the big bads in the last few.

After the first half, fans of the comic may start to feel a little bit of the familiar, but then things start to take a drastic turn when Billy's pride and the rest of the teams sloppiness gets them all burned and branded wanted criminals. This never happens in the books because The Boys are funded and protected by the CIA, but here they’re just another group of concerned citizens that are completely in over their heads, adding to the tension and keeping everyone guessing as to what will happen for the rest of the season and in Season 2.

Themes

The original series was written during the latter years of the Bush Administration. Tensions were high and America was still embroiled in the Iraq War. The president was a simpering fool and companies were fucking people over left and right in the name of patriotism. Reality TV and the awful personalities on our screens were on nearly every channel and all of this only fueled the anger that is Garth Ennis’ pen and Darick Robertson’s pencils. It was a product of its time and it was perfect.

We’re now in the Information Age where superheroes and social media are the only things that matter in everyone’s mind, where women’s empowerment is stronger than ever and our leaders speak bombastically with shit eating grins full of lies. Rogen and Goldberg have kept the series modern and take everything to task.

Media. Marvel and DC are everywhere nowadays with some indie companies managing to scrape up their own part of the pie. The Boys makes fun of the seemingly endless cycle of sequels and the goody-two-shoes images of America’s favorite heroes. Everything is carefully managed and curated by a media team, similar to how Disney micromanages even the smallest details of their properties to make everything so sickeningly squeaky clean. 

Not only do the heroes stop crime, but they star in their own movies about themselves as well, some have sponsorships for shoes and have to compete with each other for everything. Almost everything is done for the cameras, even intimate moments whenever Vought can find a way to make it work. The heroes are never too far from the spotlight even when they want to be and oftentimes their acts can go viral without them knowing.

Sexual Assault. In the comics, Starlight is sexually assaulted by Homelander, Black Noir and A-Train in a gross scene to establish that there’s nothing good in that world. It was good for its time in its own dark way, but today there are absolutely consequences to such things as there should have been back then. In the show, Starlight is assaulted by The Deep, her childhood crush, alone. 

It’s dark and makes use of the imbalance of power as The Deep threatens to have her kicked off of the team. Soon after, Starlight comes forward with what happens to her, not allowing herself to let what happened stand and unlike in the books, The Deep gets his comeuppance. Though this also unfortunately leading to him getting assaulted as well. It’s powerful and allows for Starlight to move what could have been an image of weakness, though Vought uses this to their advantage as well, painting her a feminist icon. Best for business right?

Politics. While not everything has to be an allegory for Trump, it’s hard to say that Homelander isn’t just that. He’s what the president thinks he is, a strong, blonde haired man that the entire country loves. Homelander has the people eating out of the palm of his hands and he’s only feeding them shit. He hates the common man and will just as easily let many die if it can somehow serve his interests. He’s not above a little sexual harassment himself and he is just an evil bastard.

There’s also a subplot of military application of superheroes that I feel mirrors the discussion on the use of drones in war. Drones are absolutely deadly and have caused the deaths of hundreds, even innocents when things have gone really wrong. Even President Obama was criticized for how reckless and dangerous their use could be. The world could only imagine the hell that would rain down if superheroes were allowed to duke it out over national security.

Characters

The Boys as a comic series was an unrepentantly cynical take on the superhero genre in an established universe of heroes. The creator, Garth Ennis, didn’t grow up with many superheroes and actually felt disrespected by a few of them, like Captain America. He brought on the amazing Darick Robertson and other artists to realize this horrid world of drugs, hardcore sex and brutal violence. Many of the stories are fun and hilarious, but with the unfortunate feeling of a lot of them feeling one note due to the one dimensional nature of a lot of the “heroes” and the ever escalating level of black humor to the point of being cartoonish.

Our main character cast is absolutely fantastic. Jack Quiad’s Hughie is much like his comic counterpart, aside from being like six feet tall and not Scottish. He’s surprisingly smart with a lot of awkwardness about him. He has a good heart and doesn’t see ALL superheroes as being evil, but does have a slight sense of justice that wants to see The Seven and Vought taken down. 

Karl Urban’s Butcher was the absolute perfect casting choice. He’s got that wry British wit, the fury to capture Butcher’s rage against supes and can play a manipulator like nobody's business. His character arc is one of the few regressions that I can actually appreciate for how it's done, especially as things become more fucked because of him and how he chooses to blame everyone else.

Everyone else is a slight bit of an improvement over the comics versions. The Frenchman, played by Tomer Capon, is similar to his comics counterpart, but we’re given reason to care about him and The Female. In the comics, Frenchie and the Female knew each other prior, but I don’t think it’s ever revealed how they met or became close. In the show Frenchie frees The Female, played by Karen Fukuhara, from thugs that had been keeping her prisoner and he slowly gains her trust over the course of the next few episodes after her introduction. We see their friendship grow, learn a little bit of her backstory and get a better understanding of what she wants versus just following Frenchie around and being terrifyingly adorable.

Annie January aka Starlight, played by Erin Moriarty, is probably the second best change in character in the series. She starts out as a bright eyed, bushy tailed hero looking to do good, but after being sexually assaulted on her first day in The Seven, decides that it will never happen again. In the comics, Annie stays around in The Seven and takes the abuse for a little while before speaking out and fighting back against the rest of them. What makes things even better, not only does she challenge her uber Christian beliefs during an event sponsored by Vought, but she does so while also getting Vought to force her abuser into giving a public apology at the mere thought of her causing their stock prices to crash.

Consequently, Mother’s Milk, portrayed by Laz Alonso, one of the most layered characters in the comics isn’t made better, but the more ridiculous aspects of is character have been toned down. We don’t hear of his disabled mother and his addiction to her breast milk that fuels his own superpowers, nor is his wife a crack addict that makes pornos with their daughter. He’s simply a reliable member of the team that loves his wife and will give Butcher the truth when he’s acting like an asshole.

The series actually brings a lot of grey to most of these characters. A-Train never once shows remorse for his actions in the books, but in the show he's painted as kind of sympathetic, while still being seen as a monster for what he does and the reasons behind them. The Deep could go either way after his actions with a redemption arc or a full turn to villain, but is shown to be knowingly aware of how little regard there is for him. He calls himself a "diversity hire" and acknowledges his own ineptitude, but he's still an absolutely terrible person.

Queen Maeve may be one of my favorite changes that manages to be even more sympathetic than her already pretty great comic counterpart. She, much like Starlight, did want to change the world, but she let the apathy and jaded nature of the job take her over. She's an alcoholic that sees a bit of herself in Starlight. The change comes in how she reacts to what I think might be Homelander's most heinous act in the show. She shows far more remorse and guilt over what happens than she does in the comic, showing us a side of her makes you want to root for her and to see her get better.

The best character… dear Lord, is Homelander, played by Anthony Starr. Homelander is a bastard. The worst thing imaginable because of his sheer strength and power. He’s a sociopath with all of the powers of Superman and none of the goodness. In the comics he’s simply just another asshole. 

He’s the most powerful of the Seven and absolutely revels in the hedonistic lifestyle that he’s accustomed to while also hating being under the rule of Vought. In the show, he’s shown as being supportive to Vought, especially it’s current Senior VP of Hero Management, Madelyn Stillwell. He has something of a mommy fetish as shown with his interactions with her and later in the series actually expresses emotions over learning of his own tragedies, but instead of trying to change for the better, he doubles down on his hatred and anger to become an even bigger monster than before. 

In the comic he just wants all of the superheroes to conquer the world, but here, he just wants to hurt everyone who hurts him. He plays games like a child, threatening and revealing secrets to toy with people before absolutely breaking them. He's horrible in a very personal way and his sneering smile only makes him so much more hateable. He knows there isn't a damn thing you can do to stop him and he revels in that fact, I love it.

Pacing and Direction

Coming in at an hour for each episode, the first two to three can feel a bit slow. Getting all of the story elements to sit just right can take time, especially as new things are introduced every few minutes. This slow burn approach easily helps to build the tension before things get really crazy by episode four. By that point, the story is unfolding at a perfect rhythm, the team is mostly together, they’ve made their plans of action and it’s all so smooth.

Thankfully each episode is directed by different people to avoid each feeling so similar. The common humor and tone is kept the same, but some episodes are very hopeful almost before being met with one that absolutely makes you hate certain characters and the actions that they take. In particular, the episode where Hughie and Butcher visit a group therapy session and Butcher flies off into a rage about the weakness of the attendees as they basically lick the balls of the heroes that have maimed them was amazing. The director pulls so much emotion out of that scene and continues on as the episode moves along in a far more dramatic fashion than some of the others.

Some others lean heavier on the debauchery such as the episode where Hughie and Butcher venture into a superhero sex club and watch as these guys do some pretty amazing feats with their abilities in some really gross ways. There’s a good balance of levity and drama that makes neither feel too overwhelming.

Overall

With a great cast, impeccable acting and an unpredictability that I actually enjoyed, The Boys absolutely blew me away. I was wholly prepared to rip it apart if I felt like it didn’t do the story justice, but Rogen and Goldberg are fans and knew what we all wanted. It’s unabashedly a comic book show, but still has enough to it that people who have never heard of the series will be floored by how much they can find to enjoy.

It’s for the nihilistic and jaded comic book fan. It’s for the casual watcher who’s gotten enough of Marvel’s colorful displays of happiness and it’s absolutely for the happy person who just wants to have some fun with what they watch. 

I thoroughly enjoyed this season of The Boys. So much so that I’m aching with anticipation to re-read the comic series in preparation for Season Two. It’s unlikely that it’ll follow the plot much, if at all after the ending, but with Stormfront (as a woman) being announced as the new Hero joining the Seven in the next season, I’m excited as to who else they might pull. This first season absolutely earns a high recommendation from me.

[sleepykittypaws]

The Christmas House

Original Air Date: November 23, 2020 (Hallmark) Where to Watch?: Hallmark will replay it multiple times this season, and for every season in perpetuity

It's impossible to review Hallmark's The Christmas House without noting that this time last year, then-Crown Media CEO Bill Abbott was personally taking phone calls from a SPLC-designated hate group, and pulling a Zola ad showing two brides chastely kissing from his network, at that hate group's behest. The ensuing firestorm of well-earned criticism following Abbott's bad judgement, is, without question, what brought us to today, with Abbott ousted, a woman of color, Wonya Lucas, now at Hallmark's helm, and a still totally G-rated holiday lineup that now regularly features former Hallmark no-gos like, interracial romance and LGBTQ+ inclusion, improving Hallmark's abysmal diversity record, one movie at a time. 

So, even though Hallmark had to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century, it's still hard not to be at least a little emotional that they're finally joining us here. The bigots are still having online temper tantrums about losing their all-white, all-straight safe space, but Hallmark's holiday ratings are up 7% year-over-year—a significant jump in a world where cable subscriptions are declining by 10-15% annually.

Now, what that progress looks like on a network known for being “clean,” conservative and about as unwilling to take risks as any channel on the planet, is another story. Frequent Hallmark star, and out gay actor, Jonathan Bennett, has been tirelessly talking about The Christmas House, since the day it went into production. And Bennett brings a lot of energy to this ensemble story, written by co-star Robert Buckley, of a family getting together to decorate their home one more time before it's sold. 

Buckley and Bennett play the sons of Sharon Lawrence and Treat Williams, a recently retired couple struggling with that fundamental shift in their relationship. Buckley is the star of a ridiculous court show, Handsome Justice, of which we luckily get to see a clip, and Bennett, a baker, and his husband, played by Brad Harder, are waiting to hear about an adoption, after several previous disappointments. 

Bennett and Buckley bring more humor than is normal for Hallmark to their portrayal of loving, competitive brothers, who clearly enjoy ribbing each other.

How conservative was past hallmark, you ask? Well, that Buckley's girl-next-door love interest is divorced, not widowed, is still a somewhat shocking twist in that world, as is the fact that both Buckley and Bennett are "allowed" to sport some facial scruff, rather than be clean shaven. Oh, and that the family next door is (gasp) Latino, is also something we likely wouldn't have seen in the Hallmark of yore. All of which is just mind-blowing, since those “days of yore” for this TV network were [checks notes]…2019, not 1968.

Lawrence and Williams are believable as a long term couple, and their life-change struggle to re-center their relationship feels real, but the way it's revealed is almost as anti-climactic as its resolution. The movie laid very unsubtle hints along the way—all storytelling progress aside, Hallmark movies are still written so you can half watch and not a miss a thing, allowing folks to join 20 minutes in, or do the dishes and come back without being confused—that Williams and Lawrence's wanting to have "one last Christmas" was about more than just downsizing in retirement. 

When Lawrence told the story of the clearly-actually-brand-new-and-from-Homegoods Santa pot, and what it meant to her, I thought Williams was going to later accidentally break Checkov's sentimental teapot and, in her anger, Lawrence would blurt out something about that's why they were separating, shocking their grown sons. 

And, honestly, as predictable as that would have been, it would probably have had more impact than what did happen…Lawrence just casually telling Buckley while stringing lights, and then nobody really mentioning it again, excepting oblique references during a single conversation between the brothers, and then Lawrence just announces at breakfast that they're not doing that after all.

Definitely feels like Hallmark's aversion to conflict in its stories is one of those provisions that is still firmly in place. (We saw a similar unwillingness to commit to actual marital difficulties, despite that being the central plot point, in Cranberry Christmas.)

Which is too bad, because Lawrence and Williams being much better than the actors usually used for these parent roles, could have handled a more realistic story well, and brought some real emotional beats to the movie.

As expected, Buckley's romance with Ana Ayora was the definite A-plot here, but why did their memory lane rekindling catalyst have to be close-up magic, the worst of all entertainment options? Was there no mime troop they could have been teenage members of? When it comes to magic, and jazz, I'm like Indiana Jones and snakes…Why'd it have to be magic?

Also, no way that 29-year-old guy they have playing "teenage" Mike grows up to be Robert Buckley. Nope! They definitely had to soft focus all the mostly unnecessary flashback scenes so that those actors, easily less than a decade younger than our leads, didn't quite look their age. 

And, c'mon, Buckley, who, again, is the star of his own TV show, gives the love of his life a necklace he bought…in high school? For real? I'm surprised we couldn't see her neck turn green in real time. At least get a gal a little upgrade. Sheesh! 

The whole rival real estate agent thing went nowhere. And what was that subplot even supposed to be about? Would have much rather seen a scene from the Handsome Justice episode where Buckley's character defended a dog accused of murder, than that whole waste of time. 

On the other hand, loved the Grift body spray mentions, and so glad we go to see that ad. Hallmark doesn't do subtle—"But will they get it?" is basically the network's motto—but this is one case of subtext just being text that worked.

Oh and, how did his parents buy a house on the Hudson river just by selling a nice, but fairly average, suburban home? Sure, they said it was a fixer upper, but anything on the water is gonna be way more pricey than where they were, and you've still got to have the cash to do the fixing. Also, you know the old adage about how nothing soothes a struggling marriage like a whole house renovation project, amirite?

Speaking of money…Why didn't Buckley just buy his folks the house right away if he didn't want to see it go? I mean, even if he's only a mid-level TV star, this wasn't some extravegent manse, and certainly wouldn't be an unusual thing for a well-off child to do for their middle-class parents. Why all the rigamarole with the weird guy and the rescinded offer? And, like, what was that all about? So many stories I'd have rather seen from this talented cast than some of the filler we actually got.

Harder didn't get nearly enough to do, but he and Bennett had decent chemistry and they got most of the best lines. The joke about "Will we decorate like this for our kids," and Bennett's emphatic, "No," cut the tension of an emotional scene well, with perfect timing, making it actually, laugh out loud funny—a Hallmark rarity. And when Harder appears in doorway after hearing from the adoption agency, and Bennett knows just by looking at his face what the call said, I got emotional.

That all the couples in this one got to kiss, including Bennett and Harder, is important. With the specter of last year's Zola debacle absolutely lingering over the entire movie, it's hard to think of a better, actual example of #LoveWins, than that moment.

I also teared up when we saw Bennett and Harder's family at the end, not only because it was a long overdue Hallmark milestone, but also because Harder's real-life son, Kael, played he and Bennett's on-screen adopted child, and is just so stinking cute.

Am I giving this bonus points for finally having an LGBTQ+ storyline, even if it was pretty far from the foreground? For sure. But Buckley and Bennett also brought humor and heart to this one, of a variety not usually found on Hallmark, and Lawrence and Williams also upped the ante on the quality here. Notable that Hallmark also sprung for two actual, name-brand holiday songs, so they were willing to spend a little bit of extra cash on this effort, which says more about their “commitment to diversity” than years of empty promises ever did.

Would have liked House even more, if Hallmark had been brave enough to swap the storylines; Bennett falling in love the boy next door, and Buckley and his bride waiting to hear about adoption, but barring that, do wish it had been bit more of a true ensemble (i.e. all three love stories had equal weight).

Despite quibbles, I'm still putting this on top of the 2020 Hallmark heap, at least for the moment, because I laughed, I cried and I felt good about the progress that has been made, no matter how long overdue it is.

As I've said so many times, representation really does matter, particularly on a channel like Hallmark, which caters to exactly the audience that most needs to see LGBTQ+ people laughing, living and loving, just like every other family.

Representation really can change lives. It opens hearts and minds. It can help those struggling within themselves feel seen and worthy. Really can not underestimate how transformative these normalizing glimpses can be, particularly for a network like Hallmark, with a large "conservative" audience. 

"Conservative" is in quotes, because there's nothing genuinely conservative about human rights, and respect for those unlike you. Empathy and acceptance for others should be a baseline standard for living in a society—not a political statement. 

No one has the right to deny someone else's humanity, and someone's choice to hold hate in their heart deserves no respect from Hallmark, or society at large. Really hopeful that some kid out there who feels excluded and awful about themself because their family and upbringing has told them everything they're feeling is wrong and sinful, can now see representation like this on their family's safe space TV channel, and know it's going to be OK.

It's a small step, but it's definitely a good one, and I'm really looking forward to the actual lead LGBTQ+ holiday romances coming soon, like Hulu's Happiest Season (Nov. 25), Lifetime's The Christmas Setup (Dec. 12) and Paramount Network's Dashing in December (Dec. 13), and hoping Hallmark joins that club in 2021.

Until then…

Final Judgement: 3 Paws Up

[breaniebree]

Can you share your journey as a writer? How the idea of writing fanfics came into your mind? Do you have other own fiction too? Also how do start a particular fanfic? As in do you make notes, timeline or character sketches and stuff or do you just go ahead and write and then make notes on facts?

What an interesting question -- thank you for asking!  This is literally going to be a novel response (letting you know in advance LOL)

My journey as a writer... I guess I always wrote things down, started as a child when I wrote in a diary and then as I got older I wrote a little poetry, none of it very good (though I wrote a poem when I was twelve to describe the loss I felt when my Nana, my great-grandmother died, and my aunt read it aloud at her funeral).  I wrote a few short stories, just little things, prompts from teachers in school and such and then one day I decided I wanted to write my own story.  But funnily enough, it actually came about through fan fiction.  

I used to love this book series back when I was ten called Trash by Cherie Bennett, and I was completely in love with the characters Chelsey and Nick, and when Jazz claimed that she was pregnant and Nick was the father and it did ended on a cliffhanger and I didn’t have the next book, I remember writing my own version of what happened next -- God, looking back, it was probably terrible, I definitely don’t have it anymore.  Pretty sure the book series isn’t that great looking back at it now, but when I was ten, it was great! LOL.  I also wrote a side story for Demetrius and Karma, so even then I guess I branched off into subplots.  When I was fourteen, I started my own original series, which I am still currently working on and probably will be for the rest of my life if I’m honest -- it’s changed over the years, but the characters and my ultimate goal have stayed the same.

How did writing fanfiction come into mind?  

Well, with Harry Potter, it was because of my friend Chris.  We used to talk on the phone every single night after school for hours on end and after HBP came out and Harry and Ginny were FINALLY together only for him break up with her, I was so livid that I had to wait to find out what happened!  I remember Chris and I debated what would happen in the last book for ages and one day I must have ranted too much because he told me to go write my own story if I didn’t want to wait, so I did.  

I was seventeen and it was Harry Potter and the Prophecy Fulfilled: Which looking back at it now, I think it’s not exactly the greatest story lol and you can definitely see where I’ve improved since then.  After finishing HPPH, I ended up still having different ideas, all Hinny, and went on to write a few one-shots: Almost Too Late and Beautiful Mess.  Then I started writing A Different Beginning, which turned into my Beginning series: A Different Beginning, A New Beginning, Why Don’t We Just Dance?, Life Is Fickle Like That, Graduation Party, and The Reunion.  Those of you who have been reading my fanfiction since the beginning know that I originally posted the above stories on SIYE between 2005 and 2007 and had then completed (except for the second half of Life is Fickle onwards before Deathly Hallows was published).  I didn’t start posting on fanfiction.net until 2008 and only recently on Ao3.  Somewhere in between writing the Beginning Series, I also wrote a few other Hinny one-shots including The Greatest Gift, She Never Lets It Get To Her Heart, I Loved Her First (actually Arthur POV, which I later incorporated into the Beginning Series), The River (which is a standalone but also can be read as part of the Beginning Series), When the Sand Runs Out, and then the mini-series Padfoot’s Advice (Late Night Talks with Padfoot 1 & 2, Padfoot’s Advice, and Secrets from the Past).  Then I wrote the short Hinny/Romione story: The Trouble With Secrets and was inspired to write a Jily series, which I did with Crazy Little Thing Called Love, which could technically be a prequel to the Beginning Series as I kept some of the story similar.  I also wrote a Jily one-shot called Flowers and another Hinny one-shot called I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend.

I didn’t plan on writing any more fanfiction as university became busy, but then in 2017 I started writing these little Missing Moments for Harry and Ginny both before HBP and then during, and then after.  I just sort of compiled them on my computer for a while, wondering if it would turn into a story or not and then the idea came to me one day for A Second Chance after seeing some fan art of a five-year-old-Harry in sunshades and a leather jacket while riding a child’s motorbike next to Sirius in the same outfit and the next thing I knew, this story just pored out of me in February of 2018, I had the first twelve chapters written by March and another five by April.  I started posting the Missing Moments compilation, added a few more things including the Remus and Petunia scene from ASC and kept writing A Second Chance and in May, decided it was time to share it and uploaded the first twelve chapters.  

By the time I realized it was going to be a long one, I knew which characters I would sacrifice and how it would end, but how I was going to get there I still have no idea.  I’m not a writer who methodically plots.  I have a few general bullet points at the end of my current WIP chapter and that’s really it.  I add to it occasionally as I go, but mostly, I just write as I go along.  I can’t tell you how many chapters it will be or how long it will take me to get to the next section because frankly, it’s constantly changes.  I do not write in chronological order, which means I am often writing anywhere between 2-6 chapters at the same time depending on what scene has drawn my attention.  I might write something today that fits in the chapter I am currently working on and then by the time I finish writing other stuff, I realize that it doesn’t really fit there and stick it ahead into the next chapter or ten chapters from now.  I write where my heart takes me and where my creativity flows.  

I rarely ever work on more than one story at the same time, though I did write the short Newtina one-shot for my friend Heather as a Christmas present in 2018.  She requested it and I couldn’t write it, I found it so hard as I like them but it’s not characters I loved enough to write so I did it with a Luna spin-in, which I found helped.  I never take writing requests so this was very different for me, but I think it turned out cute: Say Love, ‘Cause We Got All the Time in the World.  I only recently uploaded it a month or so ago because I found it on my computer LOL.

Do you make notes, timeline or character sketches and stuff or do you just go ahead and write and then make notes on facts?

Once I am into the story, my notes are EXTREMELY detailed.  I do have a time line and separate documents for the following:

Character lists and family trees

General notes on: Political stuff, bills I’ve written, the sacred 28 document I wrote, tattoos mentioned, important dates, moon cycle dates of Remus’ life, classes I’ve invented (what they are about, who teaches them etc), textbook list per school year, notes on each Animagus form and information about their animals, actual time tables I wrote up Monday to Friday for Harry’s third/fourth, and fifth year, details of Zee and Tonks’ engagement rings, history and outline of Dante’s circles of hell with notes on how to incorporate into story, notes on pregnancy, character’s wands, geographic locations of characters, and any other little notes I think are important but don’t belong in the bullet points at the end of my current WIP chapter

History and ancestry of each family (from Harry Potter Lexicon, Pottermore, Harry Potter wiki, and my own personal creations).  This also includes manor information for Potter, Black, Longbottom, Nott, and Malfoy.

Hogwarts lay-out including stuff I’ve added or made up

Ministry of Magic departments and people (known and created)

List of spells (including ones I’ve made up and which chapter and which character introduced it to who)

List and pictures of Sirius’ motorbikes with information on each one

List of Pensieve memories and marauder moments (crossed out which ones I’ve shared already, some are written and waiting to be used and others just a general idea)

Terms and phrases from different languages I’ve used in the past

My playlist of songs I have mentioned in the story

An entire document dedicated to Operation FUVP including a Voldemort timeline which I have now shared in the story itself (also includes when and where each character found the Horcruxes)

A list of some of the recipes I mentioned, and 

I have a 72 page document that is literally just detailed chapter summaries to help me remember what the hell I’ve written LOL (also highlights introductions to new characters in a different font colour to help me find out when people were introduced).

Hope this answers your question -- thank you again for asking!

[misharuu]

All You Had To Do Was Ask ; Part One/Four

Fandom: Naruto Shippuden (you only need basic knowledge of the fandom to enjoy this story; only the subplot mentions the canon!)

Pairing: Jiraiya x Naruto

Warnings/Tags: NSFW ; yaoi in future chapters, sickfic, emeto, depression, mental illness, self harm/suicide attempt in future chapters.

Summary:  Naruto and Jiraiya have set out on another training journey together. Jiraiya returns from a recon mission to find Naruto sick and injured, slipping deep into the grasps of depression. Emotions are kindled and their dynamic begins to shift and change; can Jiraiya save Naruto before it's too late?

Word Count: 11,218

A/N: so this fic follows the canon storyline up until when Naruto begins training with Jiraiya for the second time, before learning sage mode. rather than having a second, shorter spurt of training they set off on another two year long journey. Naruto is 19 and Orochimaru took on a different vessel which gave them more time to prepare while the Akatsuki focused on the other tailed beasts. Naruto is being tormented by the Nine Tailed Fox and slowly falls into a pit of crippling depression. he stops taking care of himself and has to deal with the consequences once Jiraiya comes back from a 'research' session. drama ensues and eventually Jiraiya and Naruto realize they might need each other more than they had ever expected.

please like, comment, or reblog if you enjoy this fic c:

AO3. FF.

PART ONE: BLOOD

"You're weak. You're a monster. No one could ever love you. Not after what you've done. Not with what you are. You're a fucking disgrace. Jiraiya is just using you. He wants your power. Why do you think he's always off 'researching'? You disgust him. He can't stand being in the same room as you. You killed his prized student. You're a murderer," the Fox snickered, chakra glowing a deep dark crimson. Naruto sat in the shallow water, his hands pressed over his ears. He wouldn't listen. He wanted to tear out his eardrums so he couldn't listen. Even now he knew he was dreaming, but it stung the same because he knew the words were true.

———————

Naruto's eyes snapped open, waking with a start. A dull throb formed behind his eyes and he let out a shaky breath. A cold sweat coated his body and a chill seeped up his spine. He shivered and pulled the covers closer to his neck, wrapping himself up tight. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the pressure in his head away. Suddenly a sharp pain spread throughout his stomach like a wildfire, deep and twisting. He winced and rolled onto his side, but the sudden movement caused his vision to swim. He groaned and fought back the bile rising in his throat, swallowing hard. Just as he thought he was about to lose control the door slammed open. Jiraiya cheerily walked into the room, loudly dropping his pack next to the door. He stomped through the room and stopped at the window next to Naruto's resting spot. He flung the blinds opens and spun on his heels to face his student. "Rise and shine, kid! It's nearly noon!" he beamed, giving Naruto a light shake with his foot. Naruto pulled the covers over his face as the sunlight assaulted his eyes.

"S-Sensei -" he started but his voice betrayed him. He cleared his throat and tried again, "Sensei, I don't think I can train today."

Jiraiya let out a hearty laugh, "come on kid! I didn't think you'd quit that easily!" he made his way to their closet and pulled out Naruto's clothes, spreading them on the bedspread over his feet. "You've been resting all night, time to get a move on!" he smirked, looking at the lump under the blanket. "Plus!" he added happily, "my research is done for now. I'll tell ya what; I'll watch you train," if that's what it'll take to get you out of bed, he finished in his head.

Naruto perked up at this. He'd been begging Jiraiya to watch him train for weeks. Months, even. Before he even started his sage training. Truth be told he was starting to feel hurt. He'd been alone his entire life; shunned and outcast like trash due to the fact that he was the Nine Tailed Fox’ vessel. That wasn't anything new. But Jiraiya filled a spot in his heart that had been missing. He made Naruto feel like he wasn't so alone. But as soon as they left to train for the second time Naruto felt like Jiraiya quickly grew tired of him. Naruto wound up spending most of his time training alone, and Jiraiya was usually off ‘researching’. Sometimes he'd train so hard that he'd pass out and his teacher wouldn't even notice, leaving him out overnight in the cold and rain. Naruto was beginning to feel more alone than ever. His heart constantly ached, but he kept pushing himself. He wouldn't stop until he was strong enough to bring Sasuke home. But the current pressure and stress was taking it's toll. The Nine Tailed Fox chakra was healing him slower and slower; at this point he felt like he was healing even slower than a normal person would. And his mental health was struggling. He felt himself slipping into the void of depression and anxiety, desperate for some real human interaction. He wasn't going to let a stupid headache ruin his chance to make Jiraiya proud.

Jiraiya watched as a puff of yellow hair began to emerge from the blanket. His smile faded slowly as he got a full view of Naruto. He was as pale as a ghost; his hair was limp and stuck to his forehead with sweat. His red rimmed eyes were glazed over and unfocused, and he looked much too thin.

"Really? You mean it?" he asked weakly, pulling himself up. He staggered a bit but was able to steady himself. He couldn't let himself ruin this. Not now. Not for some stupid cold. Jiraiya was prepared to tell Naruto to get back into bed, but with the way he cheered up at the mention of watching him train he knew he couldn't pull the rug out from under the kid. Jiraiya huffed, tossing the clothes on the bedspread into Naruto's hands.

"Yeah, I mean it. But first we're going to get some food. With all the growing you've been doing you're starting to get a bit thin, you look like a twig," Jiraiya masked the worry in his voice with a joke. Naruto let a small smile grow on his face as he gripped his clothes in his hands.

Jiraiya looked around the room nonchalantly. He admittedly had been quite busy lately; he told Naruto he was 'researching,' but in reality he was trying to gain intel on the Akatsuki. It had been at least a week since he'd slept in on actual mattress, let alone checked up on Naruto. He knew the boy always pushed himself to the limit but his optimistic nature and sticktoitiveness kept him going, and tough love was Jiraiya's signature teaching method. He was starting to think that method wouldn't be as effective for someone like Naruto, but the kid needed to grow up. He was almost twenty and was still constantly seeking approval from anyone who would give him the time of day. He had to learn how to satisfy his own needs. But as Jiraiya looked around the room he didn't see the usual litter of snack wrappers and ramen containers that he'd become accustomed to. All he saw were scrolls, blood stained clothing soaking in a soapy basin, and... was that sake?

Jiraiya let out a heaving sigh, "c'mon kid, lets get some food into you."

The thought of food made Naruto's stomach turn. He had to fight down a gag that threatened to escape his lips. He covered it up by clearing his throat and plastering on a hollow smile. He gripped the clothes in his hands tightly and made his way to the bathroom to clean up. He let the door click behind him as he gingerly lifted his night shirt over his head, wincing as the dried blood on his ribs stuck to the fabric of his shirt. He knew he was training too hard, pushing himself to the limit every day. Each day he seemed to have less and less energy, and it took less and less time for him to become exhausted. He had started to become sloppy, getting injured more often than not. He let out a shaky sigh as he turned to face the sink. Naruto almost jumped when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He had dark bags under his eyes that were accentuated by the pale sheen of his skin and he could see his ribs beginning to poke out. He frowned at himself, looking away with shame. Naruto discarded his shirt into the corner and pulled on his fresh one, zippering his jacket slowly. As he bent down to pull up his pants a sudden wave of dizziness threatened to knock him on his ass so he quickly leaned against the wall and slid down, allowing his head to rest on his knees. He took a few shuddering breaths, trying to steady the clenching pain in his stomach. 'Useless. Dirty. Unclean. Monster,' the voice in his head teased, sending his heart rate skyrocketing. Naruto bit his lip in an attempt to stop the tears. He was sick and weak. Usually he could keep the intrusive thoughts in his head at bay, but in his weakened state he was having a hard time suppressing them. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled himself up using the bathroom counter, turning on the cold tap. He splashed his face with water, allowing his mask to slip back on, cementing his mental walls firmly in place.

While Naruto was in the bathroom Jiraiya took a moment to do a more thorough search of the room. He couldn't find any evidence of food wrappers or take out boxes, but he tried to humor himself by thinking that his student was just eating out a lot. The scrolls spread across the floor detailed some advanced techniques; additional chakra natures and expert chakra control. Techniques Naruto should have waited for Jiraiya's help with. The older man frowned as his eyes slid over the sake bottle. He quietly picked up the bottle and gave it a gentle shake; empty. As he stood in the empty room curiosity got the better of him. He sneakily padded over to the bathroom door, hovering his ear against the cool painted wood. At first he only heard silence, but suddenly he heard short, shallow, uneven breaths followed by what sounded like a choked off sob. Jiraiya's heart jumped into his throat and he raised his hand to knock on the door to check on Naruto. Just as his knuckles were about to rap against the door he heard the sink turn on. He leapt back from the door in time for it to swing open, having just enough time to spin on his heels and act as if he was thumbing over a scroll.

Naruto glared at Jiraiya suspiciously before slipping on his sandals.

"Alright, kid, lets go," Jiraiya swung the door open and held it for Naruto as he exited. Naruto looked up at his teacher and gave him one of his trademark boyish grins. Jiraiya felt taken aback about the fact that Naruto was able to hide his emotions as well as he could; after he cleaned himself up he almost looked normal, if not for his puffy eyes and lean physique. Normally he'd brush that off as a long night of training, but today, this time, he knew that thinking that would be wrong. Something was up, and he wasn't going to give up until he got to the bottom of it.

———————

Lunch was uneventful. Naruto tried to act normal but with his watchful eye Jiraiya noticed him expertly pushing his food around on his plate to make it look like he'd eaten most of it. 'How often has he done that without me realizing?' the guilt and worry were eating away at him inside, 'and when did I start to care so much?' So lost in his deep introspection Jiraiya didn't notice Naruto sneaking into the bathroom until a few moments had passed. Naruto's plate was already gone and his utensils sat neatly on his folded napkin. Jiraiya narrowed his eyes and waited a minute before trailing him, trying to be sleek. He pushed the door open slowly and was greeted by the sound of Naruto coughing; a dry, deep nagging cough that sounded painful.

"You alright in there?" Jiraiya asked from outside the stall, trying to hide the concern in his voice.

Naruto cleared his throat and forced out a nonchalant laugh, "y-yeah, just allergies! You know me, sensei, nothing can keep me down for long."

He flushed the toilet and staggered out of the stall, joining Jiraiya at the sinks as they both washed their hands. As much as he wanted to take the kid back to their room and drill him about his odd behavior, he wanted to give Naruto a chance to come to him on his own. He didn't want to pry; in reality it was none of his business. He was Naruto's teacher, not his dad and not his best friend. But something about this was different and Jiraiya couldn't quite place his finger on it; all he knew was that the sudden concern he had for Naruto made him unseasy. He wasn't one to invest so much into his student's personal lives, let alone their mental health. But the alarm bells were going off in his head and he couldn't quiet them. He needed to get to the bottom of this; whether Naruto wanted to do this the easy way or the hard way was up to him.

"Lets get a move on! We only have so much sunlight left," Jiraiya placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder as they headed towards their training spot.

———————

Naruto had certainly been training hard. By the amount of fallen trees, scuff marks, and rasengan impact points in the area Naruto had certainly been training hard in Jiraiya's absence.

"Been busy I see! Happy to see you haven't just been slacking off while I've been away," he jokingly elbowed Naruto in the ribs, gauging his reaction.

Naruto winced but tried to play it off as a chuckle, "well yeah sensei, I couldn't just sit around waiting for you to get back. Besides, I'm used to training alone since you seem to have little interest in helping me train anyway!" he glared up at his teacher with a smirk on his face, "plus, Ero-sennin, I've been doing just fine without you!"

It was Jiraiya's turn to glare at Naruto, "I thought I told you not to call me that. And I'm here now, aren't I? So show me what you've been working so hard on." Jiraiya dropped his pack onto the ground by a tree and rolled up his sleeves. He needed to feel for himself just where Naruto's skills had increased to, and what a better way to do that than sparing?

Naruto rolled his eyes as he jumped into position, "you sure you really want that old man? I don't want to hurt you," he giggled childishly, reaching into his pouch for a kunai.

"Just come at me," Jiraiya chided, watching for Naruto's move, his patience wearing thin.

As usual Naruto didn't try to make a calculated move, he ran straight for Jiraiya while pulling the kunai from his pouch, throwing the knife as a distraction while raising his leg for a kick. Jiraiya easily dodged the kunai and grabbed his foot, giving it a light twist to throw off Naruto's center of gravity. He noted the ease at which he was able to dodge him and throw him off balance, something which was usually quite hard with Naruto. The twisting of his leg made Naruto divert his attention, but he took advantage of the movement by reaching out his hands towards the ground. He used his palms to redirect his energy, pushing up off the ground and aiming a kick straight at the back of Jiraiya's head. Jiraiya bent forward a bit, causing Naruto's foot to just barely graze his mane of silvery hair, and he reached out his arm and gently pushed Naruto's hip while he was still upside down trying to regain his footing. The move made Naruto stumble a bit, giving Jiraiya time to spin around and grab his student by both arms, getting him in a headlock.

"C'mon kid, is this really the best you got? If this is how you've been training then I really haven't been missing much," he teased, trying to rile his student up enough to bring out the fight in him. That pissed Naruto off. The first time his sensei comes to watch him train in weeks and this was the best he could do? The pain in his head slowed him down and made him see double, while the unending stomach cramps made it difficult for him to stand up straight.

He took a moment to catch his breath and will his stomach to settle. He smirked, "I was just warming up!" Naruto jumped back and prepared his hand signs.

"Shadow clone jutsu!" he called out, spawning ten clones of himself. A few ran forward to engage Jiraiya in combat while he hung back with the rest, preparing a rasengan. He focused his chakra on his palm, finding it exceedingly difficult to draw enough out to make an adequately sized ball. The change in chakra form was enough to almost completely exhaust him. The feeling of disappointment rose up and crashed over him in waves. Talentless. A waste of space. A waste of air. A waste of life. He growled and sprung into action, launching himself into the air to gain some speed and momentum. "Rasengan!" he snarled, aiming straight for Jiraiya who was able to easily dodge Naruto's attack. Naruto landed on the ground and felt the shock waves of pain ricochet up his arm as his hand collided with the ground, a deep indent scarring the earth. The pain seemed to go straight up to his temples, the dull roar of his headache spiking up to a splitting pain. He winced and rested on his knee for a moment while Jiraiya grinned down at him.

"Come on Naruto, how do you plan to get Sasuke back with that crap? You can't even put a scratch on me! When did you get so weak?"

Weak. The word bounced around his head like a boomerang. You're weak. Naruto's face scrunched up into a sneer. He got up to his feet so quickly that all Jiraiya saw was a blur. The only still image he was able to catch was Naruto's eyes slitting dangerously. In his state Jiraiya knew Naruto couldn't handle a surge of the Fox's chakra - he was trying to avoid hurting the boy but he needed to put a stop to this. Naruto snarled as he launched himself into the air and quickly descended upon Jiraiya, a harsh blow landing across his teacher's face. Jiraiya slid back a few feet and had just enough time to block his head before Naruto landed another blow. Before he could get a defensive hit in of his own Naruto was already spinning around, dodging Jiraiya's first while also aiming a hit of his own at the older man's ribs. Jiraiya jumped up and dipped behind Naruto's back, moving quickly enough to slide Naruto's feet out from under him. The younger man hit the ground with a thud, all the air in his lungs painfully rushing out in a whoosh. He gasped as the pain shot through his body like lightning, setting every nerve ending ablaze. He managed to turn onto his side as he fought to regain the ability to breathe, coughing and spluttering. Jiraiya narrowed his eyes, 'he should have recovered from that by now; I've seen him get flung halfway across a forest and get up as if nothing happened. This isn't good.' He sighed as he reached down to offer Naruto a hand, but quickly jumped back when he saw clawed fingers swat his hand away. 'Shit, the transformation has started, I need to end this before he takes on the Nine Tail's cloak.' Jiraiya balled his hands into fists and watched as Naruto struggled to his feet, pausing for a moment with his hands on his knees.

"You alright over there?" Jiraiya asked cautiously. All he got in response was an animalistic growl, red cat eyes meeting his gaze.

"Stop going easy on me, old man. I'm not a fucking child!" Naruto snapped, jumping into action.

The two spared for a moment, hands and feet flying in a blur. Naruto caught Jiraiya in the jaw, sending his teacher gliding back. Jiraiya spat out blood that was gushing from his bottom lip as he waited for Naruto to make his next move. The boy dashed towards him with a snarl, clawed hand raised and ready to strike. 'This needs to end. Now!' Jiraiya balled his fist and hit Naruto full force in the stomach as soon as he was about to get slashed. The blow sent Naruto flying back, a crack echoing around the clearing as his back connected with a tree. Jiraiya held his position as the dust settled, waving his hand back and forth in front of his face as he attempted to get a glimpse of Naruto. He took a few hasty steps as Naruto's silhouette began to come into his line of vision. He saw Naruto struggling to stand, using the tree trunk to steady himself. Once the dust settled and Jiraiya was able to get a real look at his student he noticed that he was shaking all over, strong tremors rocking his whole body. He back was pressed against the tree and his hands rested on his knees, his face blocked by hair and shadows. His claws and fangs had retracted so Jiraiya felt comfortable getting closer.

"... Naruto?" Jiraiya asked gently once he was about halfway across the clearing. Naruto's face slowly turned up towards his teacher, a stupid grin plastered onto his face, but the tremors revealed his true pain.

"I-I'm fine, sensei; that was a good hit you got in but it won't happen again!" He reached up and brushed a hand through his hair, freezing when his fingers reached the back of his head. Something slick was coating his fingertips; something warm and sticky. Blood. He shakily pulled his hand away from his head and stared at the blood dripping from his fingers, snaking it's way down to his elbow.

"Naruto!" Jiraiya sprang into action as his student's eyes went wide with shock before rolling into the back of his head. He reached his arms out just in time to catch Naruto's limp body before he landed in a heap on the ground.

———————

Inky darkness spread around him, swirling like smoke. He felt the uncomfortably warm waist deep water surrounding him; caressing his skin, it's putrid odor making his stomach turn. Somewhere close behind him he heard an insidious chuckle and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. 

'Weak. You're still so weak,' the voice boomed. Naruto shuttered as a rotting smell reached him; a smell of death and decay. The air was thick with it, assaulting his nostrils whenever the voice spoke. 'You're pathetic. Why do you even try? Just give up. Give in to me. I can make you strong.' A cold chill ran up his spine as he pushed himself up onto unsteady feet. He looked around frightfully as he tried to get his bearings. He reached his hands up to try to wipe the sweat off his forehead but somehow it made his skin feel slicker, stickier, warm... Naruto looked down at his hands and gasped, falling backwards into the water as he realized his hands were covered in blood. He desperately tried to scrub the blood off his hands as another snicker exploded into his eardrums, 'see what you've done? See what you've become? You're a monster, whether you give in to me or not. I will overcome you. I will wipe out your village; I'll kill each and every friend you've ever known while wearing your face. You'll feel their bones break beneath your fingers. You'll taste their blood.'  Images of death and chaos flashed before his eyes; The Hidden Leaf Village burning to the ground, all of his friend's bodies scatted over rubble, Kakashi's decapitated head on a stake. Naruto sobbed and squeezed his palms onto his eyes.

"No! That won't happen! I won't let you!" he cried, whipping his head back and forth trying to find the source of the voice. Finally he saw an ominous crimson smoke billowing from the darkness, a pair of gigantic red eyes peering at him from the void. The voice laughed heartily, causing the walls and ground to shake. 'Don't you see, you stupid boy, you already have.' Naruto plunged his hands back into the water, struggling to see through the tears in his eyes.The blood wouldn't budge; each time he tried to wash it off it just grew and multiplied, coating his arms up to the elbows. And then he saw it; the water he was sitting in was a river of blood. Fresh and hot. Naruto sobbed, broken in half and hollow. 'Why am I alive?'

'Naruto. Naruto!' A voice was calling out to him from the darkness, a pinprick of light appearing above him. He stood, wanting to reach out and grab it, follow it out of this Hell. But he couldn't move, those eyes had him paralyzed. 'Naruto!' The voice called out again as the beam of light grew. Naruto reached up his hands, jumping into the beam of light and letting it envelop him. The ominous voice screeched ferociously and Naruto felt a clawed hand try to grab him, but the darkness was already receding and he was pulled fully into the light.

———————

Naruto awoke from his nightmare, colors and sounds rushing back to him in a blur. He felt hands on his face, rough and calloused, pushing back his hair and gently slapping his cheek.

"Fuck, you're burning up!" a voice growled as he felt his body being shaken. "Naruto, wake the fuck up!" the familiar voice barked. Naruto seemed to come back down into reality as he heard his name. The voice was Jiraiya sensei! A sick groan escaped Naruto's lips as he attempted to roll on his side, but he found himself firmly held in Jiraiya's lap. "Naruto! Stay with me now," Jiraiya exclaimed, his forehead creased and his mouth pressed into a thin line. Naruto went to rub his eyes but caught a whiff of something metallic - blood! His eyes flew open and he stared at the blood coating his hand. He wriggled free from Jiraiya's grasp just in time to roll to his side off his lap, landing on the ground hard, a pain surging through his chest from the impact. His fingers clenched into the dirt as he gagged, a rush of stomach acid burning his throat. A wave of vomit splashed onto the ground as Naruto choked and retched, involuntary tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. Suddenly he felt a hand on his back, rubbing in circles. 

Jiraiya helped Naruto to his knees so he wasn't laying in a puddle of his own vomit, leaving a strong hand on the boy's shoulder to help hold him steady. Naruto hissed in pain as his body betrayed him, spluttering and heaving over the ground as his stomach refused to settle. He coughed up a dribble of bile, a long string of saliva hanging from his lips. Jiraiya pushed back Naruto's hair, hushing him and gently whispering reassurances and encouragement; you're good, I've got you, I'm so sorry. Jiraiya's heart broke in two as he watched his student struggling. The back of  his head was coated in blood and dirt, 'because of me,' and Naruto was puking in a field - 'even though I knew something was up and decided to push him to his limits instead of forcing him to take it easy,'  Jiraiya thought to himself bitterly. He wasn't used to the feelings he was feeling. He wasn't sure if he should stick to his old ways or model and change his tactics to Naruto's needs... to his own needs. He felt Naruto's breathing change below his grip; quick and unsteady, gasping, hyperventilating. He gripped Naruto's shoulder and smoothed the boy's hair back. "Breathe, kid, you need to breathe. Steady, now. You're okay. I'm here," Jiraiya murmured, letting his fingers linger over the back of Naruto's head, trying to gauge how bad his injury was.

The gash was deep with ragged edges but the bone was undisturbed. Naruto dry heaved one last time before sliding his feet underneath him, settling his ass on the ground, arms cradling his head against his knees. He broke down into tears, gasping for breath between sobs, his chest clenched tight. "It's all my fault!" he finally managed to choke out. Jiraiya scrunched his eyebrows together and reached out to wrap an arm around Naruto's shoulders, but the boy quickly flinched away. His head whipped up as he held an arm in front of him, "g-get away from me! I-I'll only hurt you!" he sobbed, delirious with fever.

"Naruto... what are you talking about?" the older man murmured as he tried to approach Naruto again, letting a hand rest on the boy's knee.

Naruto hiccuped and coughed, shrinking away from Jiraiya's touch, tears streaking his face. "Their blood," Naruto cried, holding up his hands as if to prove his point, "the blood of The Village is on my hands. I'm a monster - there's a monster inside me. If you don't get away - i-if you stay here... I'll kill you." Naruto pitched forward involuntarily as his stomach clenched, forcing up a painful dry cough. He struggled as he dry heaved repeatedly, his entire body shaking violently.

"Easy, easy..." Jiraiya soothed, slipping behind Naruto and placing a hand on his back, rubbing in light circles. Naruto's body was utterly exhausted; nothing left to throw up and no energy to resist the unending sickness in his stomach. Once he was done Jiraiya pulled the boy closer to him to examine his wound. His powers of healing were rudimentary, but he had picked up a few pointers from Tsunade over the years. He concentrated his chakra and held his hand over Naruto's wound. The healing was slow and painful, the Fox clearly wasn't even attempting to heal Naruto this time around. 'That explains why he's so sick. In all my years of training with Naruto I've never seen him have more than a slight sniffle. The Fox isn't healing him; whether he's unable to or just rebelling is something I'll need to figure out,'  he thought to himself as Naruto's gash finally started to knit back together.

The boy sat in his lap, sniffling and coughing, shaking miserably from the pain coursing through his body. As soon as the cut was healed Naruto slumped backwards into Jiraiya's chest. Jiraiya sighed and scooted Naruto fully into his lap, using his sleeve to wipe off his face. A move like that would usually have Naruto calling him a pervert, but for now it brought him comfort. Naruto's hands clutched onto the front of Jiraiya's vestments, snuggling his face into the fabric. 'He must be sick to be acting like this,' he frowned, sighing as he began to push himself up, cradling Naruto to his chest. The sudden movement made it feel like he had the spins, wincing as he squeezed his eyes tight. "Just hang on," Jiraiya adjusted the heap of a boy in his arms before leaping off into action, rushing them back to their room.

———————

Jiraiya placed Naruto onto the couch, keeping one hand firmly planted on his student’s shoulder so he wouldn’t fall over. Naruto was slipping in and out of consciousness; his high fever intermingling with his concussion, creating a deadly combination. Jiraiya unzipped Naruto’s jacket and gently slid the sleeves over his shoulders and down his arms. He slid his pants down and then removed his undershirt, leaves his boxers for dignity’s sake.

“Alright, up ya go,” he muttered as he picked Naruto up from under his arms, carrying him into the bathroom so he could get him in a cool bath. Even without being a medical ninja Jiraiya could tell Naruto's fever was reaching the danger zone. He flipped on the taps and then settled onto the floor, cradling Naruto’s broken frame in his hands. Other than his blatant sickness and concussion Jiraiya was able to detect multiple cracked ribs in various states of repair, multiple strained muscles, a snapped ligament in his left knee, and a litany of bruises and cuts. How Naruto even managed to pull himself out of bed that morning was a miracle.

Once the tub was full Jiraiya turned off the taps and gently placed Naruto into the tub. As soon as he was in the water his eyes flashed open.

“C-cold! L-let me out of here!” he struggled to get out of the tub but was too weak to put up much of a fight. Jiraiya grabbed both of Naruto’s wrists and tried to hold them down, so Naruto used his feet as leverage to try to slide out of the tub.

“Damn it Naruto, stay still! If I don’t cool you down your brain’s gonna fry!” Jiraiya exclaimed, struggling against Naruto’s constant wriggling. Finally he heaved a sigh, “shit, you owe me one, kid,” he glared at the boy as he stood up and stepped into the tub, a quick shiver making its way up his spine as the lower part of his pants got soaked. He slid down into the lukewarm water, wrapping his arms around Naruto’s chest, forcing the boy’s arms still as he straddled his back to keep him from bucking out of the tub. For a moment he just held him, waiting for the harsh shivers to stop shaking Naruto’s thin frame, and especially for him to stop resisting.

As soon as Naruto relaxed Jiraiya took the washcloth from the towel rack and wet it, squeezing out the excess water. He wiped the dirt and blood off of Naruto’s body and neck, pressing gently as to avoid hurting him (even more than he already had). Naruto’s head lolled back into the crook of Jiraiya’s neck, snuggling his face into the crazy mane of silvery hair, seeking warmth. Once Jiraiya was done with the washcloth he rinsed it, squeezed it, and folded it in half, laying it over Naruto’s forehead and eyes. Jiraiya grabbed a cup from the side of the tub and filled it with water before dumping it over Naruto’s hair, gently massaging the dried blood and dirt from it. As he massaged his scalp he couldn’t help but notice Naruto’s toes curling, a barely audible moan deep in his throat. The older man couldn’t help but chuckle lightly.

“You’re never gonna live this down, and you’re never gonna call me a pervert again,” he smiled to himself as he washed the last of the blood away. It was the first time in weeks that he’d seen Naruto actually relaxed and he felt guilty taking it away so soon, especially after he’d injured him so badly, so he kept massaging his scalp. He grabbed the shampoo from the rack above him and squirted some into his hand before lathering it in Naruto’s honey yellow hair. He noticed Naruto begin to shake again and he stopped, reaching to grab for the cup so he could wash the shampoo away and get them into some warm, dry clothes.

But as Naruto spoke he froze in place; “p-please don’t stop.” He wasn’t shivering, he was crying. Naruto had never been shown this amount of affection. He didn’t have parents to take care of him as a child, having to rely on trial and error, mostly error at that. The most he’d get was a side hug from Sakura every now and then, a ruffle of his hair from Kakashi, maybe an arm around his shoulder. Whenever he was injured or sick he’d be healed and that would be the end of it - once his physical problems were gone no one was there to clean up the rest of the mess; no one to comfort him or make sure he was coping well. He was always the one being relied on for the comforting. It was taxing, Naruto constantly was the one who needed to swoop in and save the day. No one ever considered that he was the one breaking apart and needed saving. To be honest, Naruto had never felt this sort of closeness with someone; he’d barely had any physical interactions with people period.

Jiraiya frowned deeply, his heart breaking for the boy. “I won’t,” he whispered, continuing to rub the shampoo gently into Naruto’s scalp. Naruto tried to pull himself together as his fever broke and he was pulled back down into consciousness, but he was overwhelmed with anxiety and gratitude. No one had even attempted to show him this amount of kindness. It had been so long since he’d even imagined being this close with someone; he’d blocked even the possibility of feeling this way out of his mind. Now that it was actually happening he was stuck in a stunned stupor, not even attempting to fight back the tears on his cheeks. He wanted to thank Jiraiya but a part of him was terrified that speaking would break the spell; that Jiraiya would realize what he was doing, who he was doing it to, and leave him again just like all those months ago after their first training session when he wouldn’t even give Naruto the time of day. So much had changed since then. No matter how much he felt like he pushed himself he felt like he’d just wind up taking two steps back. He perfected the rasenshuriken and then had it banned from his repertoire due to the collateral damage. He was quickly running out of time to get Sasuke back, only a few months remaining until they’d set out again, and he couldn’t even look himself in the mirror. He knew he’d fail. Jiraiya must have known too considering the fact he wouldn’t even be in the same room as him.

Jiraiya rinsed Naruto’s hair and placed the cup on the floor, pausing for a second as he waited for Naruto to move. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. This might be the last time he’d feel like this again. At that thought Naruto broke. He ripped the washcloth off his face and replaced it with his hands, sitting up in the tub in a feeble attempt to distance himself from Jiraiya. He couldn’t handle being rejected again so he figured it would hurt less if he did the rejecting. But he was too weak to run and his attempt to get up ended in him slipping back down into Jiraiya’s strong hands.

“Naruto, stop,” he demanded a bit harder than he meant to, “you’re going to get hurt,” he added more gently, getting a grip on Naruto’s upper arms to hold him firmly in place. Naruto gave up his struggle and pressed his palms into his eye sockets.

“It already does hurt,” he cried, allowing himself to collapse upon Jiraiya���s chest. Jiraiya stayed silent for a moment, letting Naruto cry, fighting the urge to soothe him because he needed the kid to talk. He could feel how tense he was, it hung in the air like an all consuming smoke.

“You need to talk to me, I need to know what’s going on,” Jiraiya pressed, hugging the boy close to him. It took Naruto a minute to regain his composure.

“I-I can’t, you’ll just leave... You’ll just leave like everyone else...”

“I’m not going anywhere. But we do need to get out of this tub. I’m turning into a prune,” he joked, trying to lighten the tension.

Jiraiya helped Naruto up, wrapping a towel around his shoulders before guiding him back into their room, sitting him on the couch as he went to retrieve their clothes. They both dressed in silence - Jiraiya contemplating his next move as Naruto just wished he could disappear; get as far away as he could before he was rejected. Naruto sat on the couch sniffling, trying to ignore the pain exploding in his temples, exacerbated by his stuffy nose and tears. Jiraiya grabbed the blanket from his futon before wrapping it around Naruto’s shoulders.

“You’re my comrade; we eat together, fight together, live together, train together... I need to know what’s going on with you. You need to let me help you,” Jiraiya took a seat next to Naruto, staring at him patiently. Naruto just shook his head, hiding himself beneath the covers. He couldn’t face him; not while he was bearing his soul.

“If I’m honest you’ll just leave... N-no, you’ll leave regardless... just like everyone else. I’ll serve whatever purpose you have for me, and then I’ll be discarded with all the other things that have lose their usefulness,” he started, “I’m just a tool. Just a stepping stone in everyone’s journey. Once I serve my purpose I’m thrown aside. I save the girl, then she’s gone. I train with Sasuke and then he leaves to pursue power I can’t offer. I make promises and can’t keep them,” Naruto cried, shoulders shaking, stomach twisting into knots. "I-I'm a monster, people just use me for the power that I have and then they leave. I'm disgusting. A reminder of a past that everyone just wants to forget. A reminder of death," Naruto felt anger starting to bubble up in his chest. "I took so much from everyone... from you... the Fourth Hokage... All I do is cause pain... I shouldn't be alive," the last part of his sentence was said in a whisper so quiet that it was barely audible, but Jiraiya felt as if it was screamed directly into his ears.

"Don't say that. That isn't true. You aren't a monster. And you didn't take anything from anyone. You saved the village. The Fourth Hokage did what he needed to do to protect the Village and he was damn proud to do it. Don't tarnish his name by saying that he was murdered; he sacrificed himself to save his people. To save you also, Naruto," Jiraiya clapped a hand down on Naruto's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "Fuck what anyone else says, what anyone else does, I need you and that isn't going to change. I need you to be alive. You're my student and I'm going to protect you with both arms. I'm not going anywhere, and that's a promise. You're the strongest, hardest working, most incredible shinobi I have ever had the honor to train. Even stronger than the Fourth," Jiraiya tried to get a peek at Naruto's face but he was so tightly wound up in the blankets that all he could see was yellow hair. "Fuck those girls, fuck Sakura, fuck the Village, and honestly, fuck Sasuke," Jiraiya spat angerly, "what matters is you. You're incredible, and you're going to be hokage one say. I swear on my life. I will help you reach that dream. You aren't a tool and you aren't worthless. The village needs you. I need you," Jiraiya started to pull the blankets away. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised, finally finding Naruto's face among the duvet. Naruto looked up at him with his tear stained face, all puffy and red, but he could see the hope glimmering in his eyes for the first time in weeks. Naruto couldn't find the words to speak, he just threw his arms around Jiraiya's neck and allowed his teacher to hold him as he cried, short bursts of anguish and anxiety purging from his body. He sniffled weakly as the tears finally stopped, allowing himself to rest against Jiraiya. He wouldn't admit it, but Jiraiya's arms felt safe - they felt right.  He didn't want to move, not yet. He needed to relish this moment as long as he could because he knew he'd likely never feel this safe again.

Jiraiya just sat there, thoughts zipping through his mind too quickly to really hold on to any of them. He'd never let anyone bring out this side of him, let alone one of his students. Not even his old girlfriends had seen this side of him. But something about Naruto was different, especially when he was in such a state. For someone so optimistic and strong to fall this hard, something must seriously be wrong and it broke Jiraiya's heart. He needed to do whatever he could to help Naruto. He wasn't surprised that he'd pushed himself hard enough to break his own ribs, but he'd never expect a mental breakdown of this magnitude. However, with the way Naruto had been treated his whole life, he knew it shouldn't have come as a surprise. He knew he should have been helping him train mentally as well as physically, and he cursed himself for not noticing the signs sooner. 'And now he wants to die,' he thought to himself bitterly, subconsciously gripping the boy to him even harder. 'That won't happen, not to him, not while I'm around,' Jiraiya promised himself, allowing his eyes to close for some much needed rest.

They sat that way for a while before Naruto started to stir, swinging his legs over the side of the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. Suddenly he groaned, shivers traveling along his spine, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck.

"Naruto...? You alright, kiddo?" Jiraiya asked lightly, placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto groaned again, an arm wrapping around his abdomen defensively.

"I-I’m so nauseous," he choked out, wincing as his stomach felt like it was being stabbed by white hot stakes. Naruto had never really been sick like this due to the Nine Tailed Fox's healing abilities, so he wasn't coping well. The pounding pain in his head was blinding and he didn't know how to handle it, his stomach joining the revolt. He didn't know how to ease the pain, how to help himself to make it end. Naruto fought back the tears forming in his eyes, astonished that he even had any tears left to cry. Another searing cramp shot through his stomach and he gasped, bending forward into his knees over the edge of the couch to try to subdue the pain.

"It's alright, I've gotcha," Jiraiya soothed, gently rubbing Naruto's back.

"M-Make it go away," Naruto cried, fingernails digging into his side, trying to claw the pain away.

"I would if I could, kid. You just need to ride it out. I'll get you some water," Jiraiya offered, getting up from the couch to fill a glass with water from the bathroom tap. Naruto took the glass from his hand but just held it for a moment, contemplating.

"If I drink it I'll just throw up again," he muttered.

Jiraiya frowned and sighed, "that may be true but you need to try. You're definitely dehydrated and that'll make the pain worse," he plopped back down on the couch beside Naruto. The boy eyed the water suspiciously before taking a small sip. The water soothed his abused, dry throat and he started chugging large mouthfuls. "Not too much!" Jiraiya exclaimed, grabbing the cup from Naruto before he downed the whole thing. Naruto jumped a bit when Jiraiya took the cup from him, but he quickly understood what he meant. He felt the water flow into his empty stomach which promptly clenched, sending a torrent of pain through is abdomen. Naruto winced, folding back down into his knees in an attempt to squeeze the pain away. "Told ya," Jiraiya said sadly, pulling the blanket up around Naruto's shoulders to try to ease his shaking. Naruto felt a cold sweat breaking out over his body, his mouth filling with saliva.

“Ugh, I’m gonna puke,” a hand flew to his mouth before he gagged emptily over the ground between his knees.

“Shit,” Jiraiya sprung into action, grabbing the metal garbage can in the corner of the room with lightning speed, shoving it into Naruto’s hands as he dry heaved. Naruto swallowed compulsively, fighting the bile attempting to crawl up his throat. He groaned sickly, trying to avoid the unavoidable. “Don’t fight it, you’ll only make it worse,” Jiraiya coached, “just let it out.” Naruto coughed and gagged, holding the can in a death grip as a stream of water and bile splashed into the can, the unmistakable sound of liquid hitting metal. “There ya go, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya soothed, brushing Naruto’s hair out of his eyes. Naruto’s stomach kept twisting, seemingly unending dry heaves wracking his body. He retched before burping up another wave of water, gasping for air between gags. Jiraiya waited a few moments for Naruto to calm down before reaching out for the can, “think you’re done?” Naruto spit into the can and then reached up and wiped his face on his sleeve, sniffling miserably.

“N-No,” he choked out before retching painfully.

“You’re all cleaned out, there’s nothing left. Sitting over it won’t help; I’ll wash this out, the smell is definitely not helping,” Jiraiya stated as he took the can from Naruto, carrying it into the bathroom. He emptied the can into the toilet and then washed it out in the sink. He reached for a washcloth and wet it with cool water, squeezing out the excess water so it wouldn’t drip. He placed the can next to Naruto on the couch just in case he needed it again and took back his spot on the couch. Jiraiya pushed Naruto’s hair off his forehead, sticky with sweat, and placed the washcloth on his fever-hot skin. Naruto signed in relief, allowing himself to sink into Jiraiya’s lap as he tried to rest his exhausted body. Naruto fell asleep in Jiraiya's arms, nestled in his lap on the couch. 

Jiraiya held Naruto for an hour, trying to last as long as he could before his shoulders ached and his legs were cramping. His body was begging to move but he didn't want to disturb Naruto. He held his breathe as he started to lift himself up off the couch, sliding the boy onto the cushions. Thankfully Naruto didn't wake up and he was able to replace his lap with a pillow. Jiraiya sighed as he made his way over to his futon, grabbing the blanket from Naruto's half of the room as the boy was currently cuddled up with his. He laid down and began to let his mind wander. The way that Naruto was talking shook him to his core. The last person he knew who was talking like that wound up sacrificing themselves on a mission. 'Over my dead body,' Jiraiya hissed to himself, squeezing his eyes shut to try to make the thoughts stop. 'I need to do something about this, I need to help him.' With that he started drifting into a dreamless sleep.

———————

Jiraiya woke up some time later with a start, his eyes snapping open as some unknown noise awoke him. Something was wrong, alarm bells were going off in his head. He laid silently as he scanned the room for any danger. They were still alone but something was clearly amiss. “Naruto...?” he whispered sleepily as he glanced at the couch he’d left the younger man on; it was empty and the blanket and pillow were gone. He looked to Naruto’s futon and saw that empty as well. Instantly on high alert Jiraiya jumped up, prepared to put his shoes on to go looking for the boy. Just as he was about to throw his scroll onto his back he noticed the shine of light under the bathroom door. He padded over to the door silently, gently knocking against the wood. All he got in return was a series of violent dry coughs; deep and hacking, tearing and searing. “I’m coming in,” he announced as he turned the knob, taking in the scene in front of him. 

Naruto had made a makeshift bed on the bathroom floor, his pillow and blanket sitting on a few laid out towels. Naruto was on the ground in front of the toilet - his legs were bent on either side of him, sitting on his feet for leverage, one arm draped over the toilet seat as the other clutched his stomach. His head hung over the bowl as he struggled, so exhausted he could barely hold himself up. Jiraiya’s heart jumped into his throat as he stared down at the boy, wishing he could take away his pain. Just then Naruto let out a choked off sob, grimacing as a tearing pain ripped across his abdomen. He subconsciously pressed down a hand over the pain, crying out as the pain increased. Red flags were waving in front of Jiraiya’s eyes; ‘a regular upset stomach shouldn’t be this painful. I’ve seen him break almost every bone in his body and still pull himself up, this isn’t right.’  Naruto glanced up at Jiraiya, his big deep blue eyes were glassy and filled with tears, his pupils slit like cat eyes, desperation obvious on his face as he clenched his fanged teeth. ‘The Fox is clearly trying to heal him but it doesn’t seem to be working, this isn’t good,’ Jiraiya thought as he knelt down next to Naruto, one hand pressing back the sweaty hair on his forehead to gauge his fever as the other went to his stomach. As soon as his fingers pressed down on Naruto’s stomach the boy cried out in pain, rolling up onto his side to escape Jiraiya’s hand.

”Where does it hurt?” Jiraiya pried, letting his hand linger over Naruto’s too hot forehead, trying to comfort him however he could. Naruto groaned, struggling to straighten out his legs, his hand lingering over his left side.

“M-My stomach,” he hissed.

Jiraiya’s brows furrowed as he examined Naruto, concentrating chakra in his palm to prepare his basic medical ninjutsu, “that’s not your stomach, that’s your rib cage.”  Jiraiya hovered his hand over the lower left side of Naruto’s ribs, quickly pulling his hand back. ‘All that coughing and puking must have disturbed his healing ribs; the bone is fractured and piercing his stomach,’ he thought to himself, the situation instantly becoming dire. “Naruto, this is going to hurt like a bitch. Please try to stay still, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya murmured, concentrating his chakra to his hand again. His medical ninjutsu skills weren’t advanced enough to fix all of the damage that had been done but he could at least try to correct the bone fragment piercing Naruto’s stomach. As soon as he laid his hand down on Naruto’s rib the younger man yelped in pain, shaking violently as he tried to restrain from moving away from Jiraiya’s hand. Jiraiya cursed to himself as he healed Naruto; it was taking way too long. Normally it would take only a few quick moments to heal Naruto due to his natural healing abilities but now he was healing even slower than the usual person would, slower even than a person without any chakra control at all. “I’m so sorry, Naruto, just a little longer,” he promised, gripping his free hand down on Naruto’s shoulder to try to help hold him still. The pain was blinding, like his ribs were being shattered with a hammer as his stomach twisted into knots, it felt like his entire abdomen was being filled with liquid fire. ‘The bone is back in place and the hole is closed but I can’t do more. The bone is still broken and I can’t heal viral illness or heal the damage that has been done to his stomach other than repairing the tear, he’ll need to heal in his own time,’ Jiraiya sighed with exasperation as he pulled his hand away.

As soon as Jiraiya removed his hand Naruto quickly shot up from his spot on the floor, grabbing the toilet seat with both hands. He retched violently and then followed it up with a painful fit of coughing. His stomach rebelled and clenched, forcing Naruto to gag up a dribble of bile. He sobbed silently as he clung onto the toilet seat, waiting for the next round of dry heaving. Jiraiya stood and grabbed a cup from the counter, filling it with cool water from the sink. He knelt down next to Naruto, placing the cup beside him as Naruto got sick. He rubbed the boys back gently. “I know you’re going to hate me for this, but you need to drink this water. It’ll hurt less to have water in your stomach when you get sick rather than  leaving your stomach empty. You’re going to hurt your ribs,” Jiraiya said seriously, picking up the glass and holding it out for Naruto. The boy reached out a trembling hand, carefully taking the glass. He held it to his lips and slowly took a few sips before setting it down on the floor. He laid his head down on his arm over the toilet seat, waiting for the inevitable. His body allowed him to have a few moments to rest before it forced him to pitch forward, violently vomiting up the water. “You’re okay, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya encouraged for the nth time. Naruto coughed and retched miserably, feeling like his stomach was being torn to shreds, a string of saliva clinging to his lips. He heaved forward as another rush of liquid splashed into the toilet. Naruto coughed harshly as the heaving started to ebb. He spit into the bowl and then reached up to wipe off his mouth and stared at his sleeve with shock; blood. “Fuck,” Jiraiya spat out as he glanced between the blood on Naruto’s sleeve and the bright crimson liquid in the bowl.

Naruto stared at his sleeve, unable to move his gaze, his eyes frozen wide. “Naruto? You with me?” Jiraiya asked at the boys sudden silence.

Blood. Blood on his hands. Everyone’s blood on his hands. All the people he couldn’t save, all the people he lost, all the people he killed. Visions of death and destruction flashed before his eyes; the Nine Tailed Fox taking over his body, absolute chaos, killing everyone he had ever cared about, chewing on a dismembered arm. Naruto screamed, hyperventilating, eyes wide with panic. Everything went red, drowning in the metallic liquid.

———————

The next thing he knew he was laying on his futon, a cool washcloth over his forehead and eyes. He groaned as he reached up to remove the cloth from his head but his hand was quickly swatted away. He shifted the cloth higher up so he could see, immediately coming face to face with Jiraiya who was sitting on his bedside. “You scared me there, kid,” he forced a smile, “you had internal bleeding from your rib piercing your stomach. I’ve fixed you up as best as I could but you need to stop puking so much; you’re gonna kill yourself!” Jiraiya tried to lighten the mood with a joke, but Naruto didn’t find it funny. He winced as he rolled onto his side away from Jiraiya.

“Yeah I wish,” he muttered, closing his eyes, wishing himself asleep.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jiraiya spat, gripping Naruto’s upper arm and forcing him to face him.

Naruto looked down ashamedly, “nothing. Just forget it, it doesn’t matter...” he whispered, ripping his arm out of Jiraiya’s grasp.

“What are you talking about? Of course it matters. We’re going to talk about this. Now,” Jiraiya demanded, moving to the other side of Naruto’s bed to force the boy to face him.

Naruto sat up with a wince, “no, it doesn’t matter. What do you care? All you care about is me doing my job. Well I’m done doing what other people want me to do. Just leave me alone,” he hissed, wrapping his arms around himself defensively.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Why do I care? Why do I care?!” he said harshly, anger boiling inside of his chest. “If I didn’t care would I have been sitting here all day playing nurse? Does that seem like a role I’d usually play? I’ve been up here all day taking care of your sorry ass. Look at the position you’ve put yourself into; you need to take better care of yourself. You need to get your shit together. After everything we’ve worked so hard on you want to just give up? Throw everything away?” Jiraiya noticed his voice rising but he was too angry to control it. “And what about Sasuke? Let me guess, fuck that too, right? The Akatsuki? You’re just going to ignore them and let them take all the other Jinchuriki? Like Gaara? You’re just gonna drop everything so you can wallow in your shit? Not gonna happen. Not while I’m around. When did you get so weak?” Jiraiya hissed, seething with rage.

Naruto laid back down, pulling the covers high up around his neck. “Yeah, fuck Sasuke. Fuck the Akatsuki. Fuck you,” Naruto growled, hiding beneath his covers. Jiraiya couldn’t help but scoff, a sneer spreading across his lips.

“Alright, fuck me. Without me here you’d probably be dead, bleeding out in the bathroom, or puking yourself to death. No rasenshuriken. No sage training. No work on becoming hokage. No nothing,” Jiraiya felt his hackles rising, his hands balled into fists. At this point he was standing, towering over Naruto’s small frame. “What the fuck is wrong with you? What happened? When did you become like this? What happened to that optimistic, energetic, head strong kid I used to know?” Jiraiya asked sadly.

“He grew up,” Naruto stated blankly.

“Yeah well if this is what growing up means to you I don’t like it. Since when have you been fine sitting by as people died? What about Sasuke? You’re just done trying to save him?! You’ll let Orochimaru use him as a vessel?! And what about the Akatsuki!” Jiraiya growled, “and you’re just done with your dreams of becoming hokage? You make me sick.” Jiraiya turned on his heels and plopped onto the couch with a huff, crossing his arms with anger.

“Join the club,” Naruto’s voice was muffled by the blankets. His complete lack of emotion and nonchalance really pissed Jiraiya off. He stood back up, face red with rage.

“I can’t with you. I’m done. I can’t speak to you when you’re like this. I... I just don’t get what happened to you,” Jiraiya scrubbed a hand over his face, preparing to grab his pack and leave the room.

“What happened to me? What happened to me?! What happened is that I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. Why do I need to stop the Akatsuki? Why do I need to save Sasuke? Why do I need to save everyone? Why does no one give a fuck about me - ?” Naruto’s voice cracked as he choked back a sob, curling up under his blanket. He cleared his throat and tried again, “I just... I’m just so tired... I-I can’t do it... I can’t save Sasuke. I can’t stop the Akatsuki. I’m too weak. I’m useless. The Fox... the Fox is just going to wind up taking control of me anyway. He told me - “ Naruto sobbed, sniffling, “he told me he was going to take over my body and kill everyone I’ve ever cared about... he’d kill you while wearing my face, making me watch... he said he’d make me feel your bones crack.” The confession had Jiraiya floored and he felt guilt sweep over his body. “If I d-died... if I died he wouldn’t be able to... it would be on my terms. I can’t deal with the constant nightmares and flashbacks.. I-I can’t do it anymore,” at that Naruto broke, squeezing his eyes closed to try to stop the tears. He quietly sobbed, digging his nails into his palms. He was uncomfortable; he didn’t want to talk about this with anyone. It was his own issues, it no one else’s job to fix him. He didn’t want pity. He’d had enough pity growing up. He just wanted to be left alone. Jiraiya was stuck in a stunned silence; he felt like a complete piece of shit for what he had said. He had no idea how deep the issues went. All he knew was that something had to be done about the Fox. He knew the seal was weakening, but for the Fox to have this much control the seal must have been at its breaking point.

Naruto’s sobs quickly devolved into a round of lung burning coughing, his ribs feeling like they were set ablaze. His hand flew to his mouth as his coughing turned to gagging and Jiraiya quickly crouched beside him, “let me help you,” he urged but Naruto was too upset. Naruto jumped up and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it before falling to his knees in front of the toilet. Jiraiya just sat on the floor stunned, his heart aching and racing. He stood up and followed Naruto to the bathroom, frowning when he found the door locked. He knocked gently, “Naruto, please, let me help you,” Jiraiya urged, talking about both his current illness and also with the torment he was dealing with inside. The only answer he got in return was an awful, painful sounding retch followed by the sound of liquid hitting the bottom of the toilet. “Naruto, if you don’t answer me I’m going to assume you need help and kick this door down,” Jiraiya warned, anxiety spiking high. He heard Naruto sniffling before flushing the toilet.

“J-Just... just l-leave me alone...” Naruto’s voice wavered, unsteady from the tears threatening to stain his cheeks.

“Naruto...” Jiraiya started gently, but he was quickly cut off.

“No! J-Just leave me alone! Just get the fuck out!” he spat angrily before hissing as the pain flared up his side. He scooted backward and leaned against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut against his racing thoughts.

”Fine,” Jiraiya stated, turning on his heels as he reached for his pack and scroll. Just as he was about to leave he heard the bathroom door creak open. He turned around as Naruto stumbled out of the bathroom on shaky legs. He couldn’t hold up his weight anymore so he sunk to the ground, feeling like a helpless child. He stared up at Jiraiya, his face red and his eyes puffy, hair sweaty and disheveled, but all Jiraiya could see was his sad deep blue eyes, making Jiraiya's heart skip a beat. Jiraiya dropped his pack and stood next to Naruto to offer him a hand, but instead Naruto reached out and clung to his shirt.

"P-Please don’t leave me,” Naruto squeaked out, staring up at Jiraiya desperately, “not you too.”

Those eyes staring up at him, so sad and tormented, searching his own for some sense of comfort; craving a connection and love. That was it. That was all it took. Jiraiya knew in that instant that his heart belonged to Naruto. He vowed to himself to never let Naruto hurt like this again. He was going to take care of him regardless of the cost; they would get Sasuke back, they would defeat the Akatsuki, and Naruto would become hokage regardless of the sacrifices he'd have to make along the way. A sad smile spread across Jiraiya’s lips as he hugged the boy to his chest.

“All you had to do was ask.”

Jiraiya took Naruto’s hand and helped him to his feet, guiding him to his mattress. Naruto slid under his covers, shivering violently as he pressed his face into his pillow. He wanted to apologize but he couldn’t muster the words. He felt the mattress dip next to him, turning his face up to see what Jiraiya wanted. Jiraiya slid under the blankets next to Naruto, wrapping his arm around the younger man’s waist. Naruto bit his lip and froze, afraid to move.

”I’m not going anywhere,” Jiraiya whispered into Naruto’s hair, holding him close as they drifted to sleep.

part two.

[goingoverthegardenwall]

Chapter 3: Schooltown Follies

Since there have been stories, there have been stories that anthropomorphize animals. Folks have imagined creatures behaving as humans in every corner of the world, in myths and fables and fairy tales from ancient cultures to today. So by the turn of the 20th century, when a mycologist known for painting incredibly detailed images of fungus decided to instead write and illustrate stories about animals in contemporary clothes, it wasn’t exactly a new idea. But perhaps that makes it more impressive: despite the multitude of animal books for children that have been published in the last hundred and fifty years, the work of Beatrix Potter still stands out.

She’s not alone, of course: no good conversation about humanized animals in Western kid lit can last long without mentioning Richard Scarry or Margaret Wise Brown or Arnold Lobel. And Peter Rabbit’s extended family is quite British, which puts it at odds with the nostalgic Americana of Over the Garden Wall: it’s not for nothing that our assortment of animals in Schooltown Follies includes a raccoon and an opossum. But the timeless quality of Potter’s work is still felt in this episode in two ways. First, while the show has a cartoony lens, the school animals are far more anatomically accurate than Beatrice or the frogs of Lullaby in Frogland, evoking Potter’s signature field guide style. And second, there’s a mischief to Potter’s animals that makes them feel more like real children than the cute but bland residents of Scarry’s Busytown, and mischief is the name of the game when Greg comes to schooltown.

Schooltown Follies is full of clever tricks, but perhaps its most clever is introducing animals with human qualities (they wear clothes, play instruments, and walk on their hind legs) but not giving them voices. It’s generally great comedy fuel, showing the inherent ridiculousness of a school for sorta normal animals, but it more importantly allows the episode a silent movie feel, with plenty of physical humor enhanced by characters without dialogue. That style completes the episode’s subversion of Beatrix Potter’s oeuvre: she wrote stories about naughty animals learning that they should behave, but in this vaudeville version, the only way to save the day is by misbehaving.

“Then I’ll do what I need to do, I guess.”

Despite being one of our three main characters, Greg trades a full character arc for a comic relief role. At the beginning of Over the Garden Wall he’s a chatty kid who never gives up and loves fun, and at the end he’s a chatty kid who never gives up and loves fun. This doesn’t mean he’s fully static, as he matures enough to accept some responsibility to others instead of seeking entertainment for himself: he abandons a potential happy ending to try to save Wirt with the Beast, and returns his stolen Rock Facts Rock in the last shot of the series. But even this obligation to help out is present early on: Schooltown Follies is the first of his two focus episodes, and the foundation of his eventual heroism is established right here.

And frankly? I think it’s okay if he’s not that dynamic. Greg doesn’t change as much as Wirt or Beatrice because he doesn’t have nearly as much to overcome, and he still contributes to the show without forcing the crew to juggle three distinct arcs. Our older kids are on a shorter timer to grow up, and have clearer negative traits (Wirt’s got no confidence, Beatrice is a jerk), and while we can accuse Greg of lacking social cues, he’s so young that it’s not indicative of a larger problem. He’s just acting his age, albeit in a heightened way for entertainment, and to lose that innocence this early in his life would make this show a serious downer.

“Heightened” is the general mood of Schooltown Follies, where Greg’s less realistic behavior fits much better than The Old Grist Mill’s bottom-of-the-barrel aside. This is an episode where Two Old Cat, an old-timey bat-and-ball game that evokes a similar old-school era as our old school, involves searching for actual old cats, somehow finding them immediately, then realizing one is too old to play and must instead be taken care of by a raccoon in a newsboy cap and overalls.

While there’s plenty of humor to go around in Over the Garden Wall, this is the only fully silly episode. Our other lighthearted outings come with dark twists: Songs of the Dark Lantern introduces the Beast, Lullaby in Frogland reveals Adelaide, and Babes in the Wood turns out to be the most somber episode of the series with context. Here we almost get a parody of such a twist, with characters repeatedly mentioning a wild gorilla on the loose apropos of nothing, then revealing that the gorilla is Miss Langtree’s paramour trapped in a suit. It’s a ridiculous setup to a ridiculous punchline, aided by casting Thomas Lennon for a few lines of dialogue (his read for “I. Was. The gorilla” was worth every penny), so there’s never any sense of danger. Jimmy Brown and Enoch are equally harmless in the end, but I doubt any little kids watching are gonna get nightmares about the ape suit.

This mood is enhanced with song, but among the many musical moments in the series—Mad Love is the only episode without singing in some form—Schooltown Follies stands out by not letting any of the numbers finish. We begin and end the episode in song, but Greg doesn’t have the last lines for Adelaide Parade figured out, Langtree’s Lament faces numerous interruptions before being cut short by the bell (they actually did a full version though!), and Potatoes and Molasses gets stopped first by Mr. Langtree, then by the end credits. Even Miss Langtree’s piano rendition of last episode’s Patient is the Night halts when Greg mashes the keys. It’s the perfect atmosphere for an episode about a kid who loves fun, but is easily distracted and hasn’t developed good planning skills.

Which isn’t to say that Greg is dumb, but that he’s prone to winging it in a way that sets him apart from Wirt. While Wirt rambles his thoughts aloud, Greg takes action without telling anyone why, making his decisions appear random in a medium that often explains motives concretely to young viewers. Wandering in his own direction has become a running gag by now, and while he sets off to make the world a better place, he instead plays outside with animal truants. He’s jolted back to his quest by the bland food and dull atmosphere of lunch hour, and his irrepressible energy lightens everybody’s day without much effort. When Mr. Langtree steps in as an antagonist, Greg decides once again to do something about it, this time saying explicitly that he has no plan, but everything works out again. We get an excellent joke from his decision to rob Langtree right after he becomes sympathetic, but as usual, Greg has bigger ideas behind the humor that he just hasn’t articulated. 

While Greg is busy delightfully saving the day, Wirt and Beatrice ease into a sniping side story that establishes their relationship for the next few episodes. They got off on the wrong foot in The Old Grist Mill and twisted that ankle in Hard Times at the Huskin’ Bee, so by now Beatrice doesn’t even try to hide her disdain and Wirt gets fed up with it. This is the perfect type of subplot, one that develops our characters and fits into the theme of the episode—Wirt’s rebellious obedience bounces off Greg’s rebellious call to disobey—but doesn’t distract from the main story.

Beatrice is helpful in opening up Wirt’s snotty side in a way that allows us to cheer for him. Until now his biggest conversation partner has been Greg, and it’s tough to side with Wirt when he’s mean to Greg, but Beatrice is an equal in terms of sparring, and her rudeness is a more understandable motive for Wirt to be obstinate than Greg’s playfulness. Our last episode had him aimlessly suggest staying in Pottsfield, and he’s similarly bound to this new location, but his different attitude changes the entire story. After two episodes of dithering, it’s nice that they let Elijah Wood play a character who’s funny on purpose for a spell, reveling in annoying Beatrice.

And even though he doesn’t know what to do, we actually get our first heroic moment from Wirt here. Greg saved the day in Grist Mill, and the situation resolves without much issue in Hard Times, but Jimmy is saved from the gorilla costume because of Wirt. True, he only interferes after being commanded to by Mr. Langtree, and he clearly has no idea what to do, and he trips over his shoelaces rather than contribute in an intentional way, but it sets the stage for his rescue of Beatrice in our next episode. Deep down, when he’s not overthinking it, the kid is capable of bravery when it’s asked of him. And it’s wonderful that for all his differences from Greg, both share an impulsive approach to heroism when they decide to help others. It’s almost like they’re related.

Beyond getting a few good digs in at Wirt, Beatrice extends her meanness to Miss Langtree, which makes her pestering of the boys feel less personal: it’s not that she hates them, she’s irritable with everyone. But we also get the first hint of her warming to our heroes, letting Greg have his fun at the concert and telling Wirt to finally tie his shoes with just a tiny speckle of fondness. While she gets a bigger friendship moment in Mad Love, when she’s essentially forced to get to know Wirt better, it’s neat to see Beatrice gradually come around instead of flipping a switch after a major story event.

We’re about to get our next big Plot Episode, introducing the Beast and adding new doubts about the Woodsman, so a silly episode is just what we need. It’s our third in a row where something sinister turns out to be okay: obviously the gorilla is an example of this, but Mr. Langtree is similarly an intimidating presence who ends up being a regular man. Even the creepy squirrels from the opening shots of the Unknown’s dangers in The Old Grist Mill return as comic relief. We’re fully primed to look for goodness where we see wickedness. Just in time for us to learn to fear merry opera echoing from the woods.

Rock Factsheet

Greg’s spiel on hot dogs might not summon the Rock Fact Rock, but it certainly evokes the stone’s spirit.

Where have we come, and where shall we end?

Adelaide Parade and Potatoes and Molasses will both get dark reprises, and the former also gets the rare jolly reprise as well. But we unfortunately don’t get a harrowing future scene featuring Langtree’s Lament.

Two Old Cat is part of a list of bat-and-ball games mentioned by a rambling background teen in The Unknown.