#I ain't making no full course meal yet

[minusecko]

Really Short and Sweet Hironika Fic

I made a really really short and kinda dumb fanfic for these two because I think they're cute anyways here

it's like barely over 700 words so it's not a lot, just a cute scenario my brain blurted out

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 9

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Leaning against the hardwood, I take a deep breath and swipe across to answer. “Hey, Superstar!” I say as the call connects.

“Merry Christmas, Darlin’. I’ve only got a few minutes before my mom starts wondering where I snuck off to, so this has to be quick-”

“I ain't giving you no quickie, Ackles!” I exclaim in a hushed voice, in mock offense.

“Come on, Darlin’. Don’t keep me hanging. Since you haven’t opened it yet I wanna hear your reaction. Please.”

“Alright. But in future, I deserve more than a quickie,” I tease.

“Of course. When I’m not hiding from family, I will give you my full, undivided attention for as long as you want,” he assures with a low chuckle.

“Good. I’ll hold you to that,” I say as I balance my phone between my ear and shoulder to free up my hands to peel off the tape. “Alright, I’m tearing off the tape now. When did you send this? Texas and New York are miles apart.”

“A few days ago, express. And to pre-empt you, no, I don’t expect anything in return. I just wanted to give you something.” I finish tearing off the tape and pull the flaps open an A4 sized envelope labeled with his management address sitting on top, I pull it out and set it to the side as I look beneath it. Obviously, hearing the rustling Jensen continues, “I’ll fight for you if you don’t want to sign that, but it will make my life so much easier if you do.”

“The NDA?” I ask.

“Yeah, I probably shouldn’t, but I trust you. I’m not gonna cut anything off or get upset if you decide not to sign. It’s mainly just in case I let anything slip about Supernatural or any other projects, I have to sign them all the time, but we’re human. Things slip with those we’re close to. So it’s more for the networks than me. I’m not that secretive about my life anyway. I’ll tell you anything about me, regardless.”

“What does this all mean, Jensen?”

“I like you, Y/N. I want to get to know you better. And eventually, maybe…if you’ll have me…”

“Jensen…I…This is a lot. But of course, I’ll sign it. I don’t wanna put you in a difficult position.”

Sensing the tension building, he attempts to lighten it, “I don’t mind difficult positions…” Before I can chastise him he continues, “Hurry up, look in the rest of the box. You can read the fine-print later.”

I oblige and reach back into the box. My fingertips run along soft fabric, I pull it up and out to reveal a stunning baby-blue summer dress with thin straps and little white baby breath flowers adorning the fabric.

“Jensen, this dress, it’s beautiful. It’s much too cold to wear it now, but I look forward to summer,” I tell him in awe. What I don’t tell him is that I had a very similar style dress when I was a little girl, and it was my favourite; I wore it until it was stained and torn and my mom secretly threw it away. 

“I hope it fits, I had to take a guess. I saw it in a store in Austin and it reminded me of the shirt you were wearing under your apron that day. It’s probably not the height of fashion in New York, but I hope that one day you’ll come here and show it off in Texas. But if it’s not, you don’t have to-”

“I’ll try it on some time and let you know, but it looks like it should fit, as long as I don’t overindulge over the holidays on non-frozen meals. I can’t promise anything about Texas though…”

“One day, Darlin’. There’s no date to commit to. I know we haven’t known each other long…and infatuation or not…I just wanted you to know that I’m serious about how I feel, and about giving this…us…a shot. If you want to, too.”

“I…Jen-” I cut yourself off when you hear a female voice calling out his name and telling him to come help with grilling.

He clears his throat and says, “There’s no rush. Just take your time and if you feel the same, just sign that paperwork and send it to my management team. Merry Christmas.”

“Okay, Merry Christmas, Jensen.” I sit on the bed feeling confused by his instant change of tone. If he meant what he said, why turn so professional and impassionate? After a few minutes, my thoughts are interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. “Come in!”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt, but dinner’s,” Stella cuts herself off when she sees the dress, paperwork and my phone in my lap, and the sad expression on my face. She comes in closing the door behind her and sits on the queen-sized bed beside me. “What happened?”

I shake my head and stuff everything back in the box. “We can talk about it later. You were saying dinner is ready? Let’s not keep poor Nick waiting, it smells like he’s cooked us something delicious.”

“Fine, but you promised details. You’d better not hold out on me!” She warns, trying to lift the tension.

I stand up and lead her back down to the dining room where Nick has set the table with an array of enticing and beautifully aromatic foods. Once I sit down, I fill my plate with sourdough, roast chicken, yam, beans, mashed potato and top it all off with gravy. It’s truly a Christmas worthy feast, even though it’s only Christmas Eve. Knowing Nick though, he’ll manage to outdo himself tomorrow, somehow. We all devour the delicious feast quietly. The tension from the call slowly dissipates and I eventually fall back into harmony with my best friend and her fiance; sharing stories about our week and plans for the upcoming wedding, all to steer clear of the topic of Jensen and your potential relationship.

Once we’re all well and truly stuffed, we all help package up the leftovers and clean the dishes. Then, with a wine glass in hand – closely monitored by Nick – Stella and I laze on the couch while he plays Legend of Zelda on the TV. We’re both content to watch him while our food digests. But after a while my well-meaning-yet-nosy best friend nudges for those promised details. I sigh, but finally concede knowing I will feel better if I talk about it.

“He’s serious about us…About giving us a shot…as a couple. He wants me to visit him in Texas…” I divulge.

Stella instantly sits up straighter and claps her hands enthusiastically. “You said you feel the same right? You’re gonna go to Texas, after the wedding of course.”

“That’s the thing…He got strange before I got the chance…”

“Strange how?”

“He’s probably just nervous about how you’ll react,” Nick adds, multitasking with perfection. “This the same guy that drunk texted you?”

“He drunk texted you!” Stella exclaims with mock offense that she didn’t know the story.

“Last time I was here, after that concert. He was as drunk as we were…He sent me messages meant for his friend. And yeah, that’s the guy. Anyway, I’m probably reading too much into it. It’s just that he told me he was serious about us and then all of a sudden he turned all professional and hung up. It was like he’s hiding something from someone…maybe me or maybe his family, I don’t know. It was just weird.”

“Maybe he is. Maybe he’s not close with his family and doesn’t want any awkward questions. He’s waiting until he knows it’s real before letting anything on to his family,” Nick offers.

“Maybe…”

“Is that what you did with us?” Stella accuses as she stares at him pointedly, despite his eyes never straying from the screen.

“No, but we also moved very fast. Not that I regret a second.”

“Good, I don’t regret a second either,” Stella says happily before leaning back on the couch. “So, what are you gonna do? You’re gonna give him a chance, right?”

“...I guess I’ll do what he said…Fill out the NDA and send it back to his management team. Let him know I’m serious too. What’s the harm in giving us a shot right? I mean, apart from ending up in the media, getting hate mail online from his fans, and ruining both our reputations…”

“Y/N, he’s not Trent or Tyler, his name doesn’t even start with a T. You gotta get out there again sometime.”

“A J is just a T with a bend at the bottom…Plus, I’m perfectly content alone.”

“You’re third-wheeling our Christmas so you don’t wallow in your apartment in self-pity. You’re lonely, I can tell. Also, it depends on how you write it, leave the cross off the top and J is a completely different letter.”

“I just don’t want to rearrange my life for a guy who doesn’t feel the same again. I’ve already set myself back so far because I fell in love with guys who didn’t give a shit about me.”

“You don’t know that Jensen is the same. To me it seems like he’s chasing you. So, I think he gives a shit. look, I’m not saying to fall blindly in love with him, I’m just saving to give it a chance. Be as cautious as you want this time, just don’t shut yourself off. Also, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself…that dress did not look fit for the winter. That means he’s not expecting a visit until summer…”

“Yeah, maybe…”

“Okay, new tactic. Tell me about him, not his celebrity life, the him you know. Start with what made you text him back that first night?”

I take a sip of wine to quiet my racing thoughts as I think as reasonably as possible back to that night. It doesn’t take long for the reasons to come rushing in. I explain how I find him attractive, but not just in a physical sense, at an emotional level too. How he’s surprisingly easy to talk to, he didn’t get mad about the hot chocolate or paparazzi, how he seemed to notice me when nobody else has in a long time, how he seems down-to-Earth, how he’s willing to open up and listen. I tell her about our call when he pulled over to comfort me when I told him about the ‘T-wads’ as you unaffectionately call them.

Once I finish rambling, she brings you back to the present. “See? That doesn’t seem like a guy that doesn’t give a shit. There’s a lot of good there to work with. He could be your one, or he may not…but you’ll never know if you break it off before it gets a chance to bloom.”

I smile and nod as I think it over, considering my options. Eventually I say, “I’ll fill out the paperwork and send it after Christmas.” Then after a few minutes of comfortable quiet with just the beautiful Legend of Zelda soundtrack filling the space, I add, “And I want to invite him as my plus one for the wedding. I don’t know how it could work logistically, but I don’t want to dance alone…”

“There’s still Travis…you’ll have to dance with him once anyway since he’s my bestman…” Nick states matter-of-factly.

“What part of the ‘T-wads’ did you not understand? She’s not dating anymore guys whose name starts with that letter!” Stella retorts.

“She still has to dance with him though, even if it is just one dance…” He retorts with a shrug.

“Don’t worry, I’ll play my part as the maid-of-honor. I’ll do the formal dance, but after that…” I’m cut off by my phone buzzing. Hope bubbles up at the prospect of Jensen calling back to explain his off-behaviour but when I check the screen slight disappointment sets in; it’s my mother. I quickly brush off the disappointment and answer cheerfully.

“Hi Mom, Merry Christmas Eve!”

“Hi Honey, Merry Christmas Eve to you as well, although it would have been more merry if you had’ve come home.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but I told you, I have to help Stell with her wedding. A trip to Houston just isn’t in the cards right now.”

“You can’t avoid us forever you know? I really thought you would come back home after everything with Tyler.”

“Can we really just not talk about him right now, please? Anyway, I’ve made a life here. My best friend is here, my work is here and I told you I’m working on auditions and taking classes.”

“Not over Christmas you’re not.”

“No, not over Christmas. But I’m wedding planning at the moment.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop pestering. I am proud of you, you know? Making it on your own out there in the big smoke…Just hold on, your dad wants to say hello too,.” the line goes silent for a second and then my dad’s booming voice forces me to pull your phone away from my ear.

“Merry Christmas, Sweetie. We miss you. I made your favourite Christmas mince pie in your honor.”

“Awe, dad. I love you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”

After painstaking explaining how to put the call on speaker, I chat to both of my parents for a few minutes. I tell them little snippets of my life in New York recently and that part of me does miss the warmth of Texas. As we talk, i’m careful to leave out any details that include Jensen, not wanting them to get over excited before I know if anything will come of it. I remember how overjoyed my mother was when I first brought Tyler home – “a good Texan boy” she said – so I know that she would be excited about Jensen too if she knew. I then understand Jensen’s off behavior and change of tone.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27, @n-o-p-e-never

[rockybloo]

wait so to the characters in-universe it looks like bitterbat is just trying to humiliate/seduce sweetheart, does sweetheart reject him constantly or does she actually seem like she’s into it? because if she rejects him publicly all the time, then the fact that there’s in-universe people who still ship them together despite that kinda gives me weird vibes

of course we as the viewers know that sweetheart is actually dating him and enjoys his advances, but the fictional bittersweet shippers don’t know the full situation. did you intend for the bittersweet shippers to be seen as weird fans, or is there some lore that i’m missing?

Because this is gonna be a very long response, I will answer this two part question right now with a "She seems into it" and "Yes" in case you (or anyone who is reading this) ain't into a 10 min read

Now comes the part where I slam down my essay about my OCs and the world they live in on your desk for the true expanded response under the cut

"Bitterbat is the King of Monsters who is smitten with Decking City's Loveliest Hero, Sweetheart, who constantly rejects his advances due to her sworn oath to stand as a pillar of peace and love to protect the city from danger."

Of course, this is what they have written down in their shared notebook where they brainstorm their confrontations to make them seem more believable instead of staged. I should state now that what really goes down when Bitterbat and Sweetheart confront each other is Bitterbat going ahead of Sweetheart and tracking down a seed of corruption that is about to be awakened or hasn't awakened yet. He then wakes it up prematurely so it's in a slightly more weakened state and lures it to Sweetheart where she destroys it as Beloved weaponry is the only effective way to put down a Vent without harming the person inside of it.

SO THE MONSTER FIGHTING IS REAL-Bitterbat and Sweetheart's entire act in the public eye is fake.

And when it comes to rejection during the act, Sweetheart doesn't straight up verbally reject or voice discomfort. When Bitterbat flirts with her, she shoots him a corny one liner back and when he attempts to sweet talk her, she pulls out a good ole magical girl monologue. Sometimes they verbally bounce off one another and occasionally Sweetheart's acting face slips as she flirts a smidge back at him, dropping hints that he's "Cute but a troublemaker" or "A shame you waste your good looks on evil".

And when Bitterbat gets more physical like pinning or down or straddling her, she very obviously gets flustered as she manages to gracefully slip her away out of Bitterbat's purposely loose grip on her. There is never a struggle when he pins her down but he makes sure it's loose so Sweetheart to manifest a gun and blast him away pure and clean. Thought there have been times she has let the pin down linger a bit too long because a girl's thinking gets fuzzy when her boyfriend is looking at her like she's a 5 course meal and she has to focus on not swooning.

The two didn't plan it but they've accidentally loaded their entire act with sexual tension and the Bittersweet (the in canon ship name for Sweetheart and Bitterbat) shippers can TASTE it.

Even nonshippers crack jokes about the relationship like openly referring to Bitterbat as Sweetheart's boyfriend. Whenever Sweetheart has talk show interviews, her relationship with Bitterbat is a constant discussion topic to bring up that's filled to the brim with "Ok but what is Bitterbat to you?" type questions.

That being said, Bittersweet shippers are definitely meant to be viewed as weird by other shippers. That's mainly because all hero x villain shippers in story are deemed weirdos. It's a taboo relationship to many and there are countless forum posts, video essays, threads, call outs, cancellations, and straight up arguments about the morality of a hero and villain dating. Even a hero and villain putting aside their differences for a brief bit to work together to take on a greater good causes some civilians to voice their hot takes.

And while other hero x villain ships tend to have a relatively small fandom, Bittersweet is an outlier because of how much fuel the magical girl and her monster boyfriend add to the fire.

Freeheart, Freebird x Sweetheart, was one of the biggest hero ships before Bitterbat made his grand return and triggered the creation of Bittersweet. And it's the true "weird" ship as, while Sweetheart and Bitterbat's banter is playful and organic, Sweetheart genuinely voices her objections and rejections to Freebird's advances.

She does it professionally but she very much is blunt about her displeasure and only becomes more straight forward after Bitterbat returns.

This is a BIG contrast to Sweetheart's lighthearted and "school girl with a crush she doesn't want to admit out loud" energy when it comes to Bitterbat. And people notice this difference. The Bittersweet shippers are the biggest haters of Freeheart because it's so obvious Freebird is barking up the wrong tree but because of their title as weirdos, the masses just mark it up to them not wanting Freebird stealing Sweetheart from Bitterbat.

That's not to say everyone is blind to the lack of mutually shared feelings between the two heroes. But because Freebird isn't straight up out here being super forward and forcing himself upon Sweetheart, restraining himself to simply verbally flirting or admiring her, people just shrug it off and figure it's a matter of Freebird being oblivious the girl ain't into him, Sweetheart playing hard to get, or they just have a weird af friendship.

The twist to shippers in canon is that hero shippers IN GENERAL are viewed as weird by the average person who doesn't partake in that side of hero culture.

It's basically the equivalent of us in our reality shipping celebrities together but with an extra layer of separation to it because many heroes have secret identities no one knows. So people justify it with "Well being a hero is basically like being a different person and putting on an act so it's not that bad to say I think [hero a] should make out with [hero b]".

There's that element of striping away the humanity and filling that space with fantasy. Amara is grounded in reality and a girl anyone could run into on the street. She has her own life and private matters. Meanwhile, Sweetheart is a public and widely known face. She has abilities the mind cannot comprehend and is like a fictional character come to life.

And because many heroes don't view their hero identities as their true selves, it's easy to just brush off the shipping and laugh at it because it's just civilians having fun with what little information they truly know about their favorites.

Overall it's meant to be harmless fun (outside of the ship wars) though there's the rare case, like Freeheart, where the shipping can lead to consequences...like Freebird taking all the fans support of his crush as motivation and fuel for his determination to be with Sweetheart.

[imprettytired]

Hi! This is my mammon centered Obey Me! Fanfic

This is also a cross post on my Wattpad (PrettyTired8) and my AO3 (which I don't have yet but it will be crossposted when I get one! Update: I have one it's ImPrettyTired)

If you enjoy please like it helps me know if I should post the next chapter.

Tw mentions of disorder eating, drinking, self harm, and arguing.

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 1-

When Mammon heard someone banging on his door he knew it wasn't good. It was never good. He felt a throbbing headache as each bang only seemed to amplify the pain. Whatever was being said to him was muffled and unintelligible and yet he knew exactly what was going on.

He tried to tell whoever was outside the door to stop, though for a split second it had seemed as if he had lost his voice. The smell of alcohol hitting his nose as attempted to say something became a clear indicator that he was just hungover.

Finally after a few seconds he croaked out:

"I'll be down there in a minute."

His throat burning as he said it. He hears the footsteps fading as he forces himself off the bed. His lights nearly blinding him when he turned them on.

Mammon decided to take his sweet time. He knew some sort of punishment awaited him so why not? It would only mean less times with his siblings and is that really a bad thing? It might be better if he skips breakfast entirely.

He stood in the shower trying desperately to distract himself, he felt all the terrible thoughts he tried to erase come back to him

"Worthless"

"Greedy"

"Scummy"

Any attempt to silence the voices only made them grow louder.

"Die"

Hits his head with a closed fist a few time. It hurts but it helps him get out of his head, even if it's for a short while.

He finally gets out of the shower and begins brushing his teeth hoping to get the alcohol smell from his mouth.

He puts on his RAD uniform, and heads down stairs

He feels his brothers eyes on him as soon as he walks in. He didn't look up as he didn't want to look at his family.

"Look who's finally awake." He didn't bother with a response

"Could you have taken any longer?"

It was Satan who sounded quite annoyed at Mammon's arrival

"Yes, yes I really could" he thought.

"I was just tired"

"Tired? Or hungover?" Said Asmo.

"Can I not be both?" He thought while glaring at his shoes.

"Just tired." He mumbled

"Are you hungry? You weren't at dinner last night." He looked up, it was Beelzebub, his younger brother.

"Oh fuck" he thought. He forgot he didn't have dinner last night

"Nah I ain't hungry, and I ate while I was out. You can have my food if ya' want"

That was a lie of course unless alcohol counts as a food in that case he had a full course meal.

"Thanks!" Beel beamed.

The room was filled with silence once again

"I'll see ya' later"

He walks out not wanting to make things worse for himself. As he was leaving he hears the room fill with laughter and conversation once again almost as if he was the issue.

His mind racing with only negative thoughts as he heads to school.

----

Mammon doesn't really enjoy school. He doesn't see the use and even if he did, he can't get himself to do the work.

Being hungover and hungry doesn't help much. He placed his head down as a useless attempt to relax himself.

"Mammon" his teacher calls out

"What?" He snapped, though he didn't mean for it to come out like that.

"Can you try to be like your siblings and answer this? Correctly?

He heard stifled laughter from the class

He looked up at the board. He actually know the answer but hates the snarky remark that come with the question.

So he chose to put his head back down and pretend that the teacher wasn't talking to him.

"You know that's better than most answers I get from you" he heard the teacher mumble.

Even when sitting in the back he could still hear.

He chucks the pencil and it barely misses the teacher hitting beside him he gets up and walks towards the teacher

"Say that again you piece of-"

----

Sometimes Mammon feels as though he doesn't think about the consequences of his actions

If he steals something he could get punished, if he takes out a loan that he knows he won't be able to pay back, he'll probably have to deal with someone who wants their money.

And he tries to fight his teacher for "no apparent reason" he would have to answer for it.

Mammon now stood in the student council room, looking everywhere but the two people in front of him.

"Mammon do you have anything to say for yourself" Diavolo said calmly but clearly annoyed.

"I never liked that class."

"Mammon just because you dislike the class does not give you the right to try and fight your teacher" said Lucifer, trying his hardest to not slap his brother right then.

"Maybe he shouldn't had said nothing "

"Look Mammon you seem stressed, if you truly hate the class that much we can get you placed in a different one, but I expect you to apologize" Diavolo said.

"I'm not apologizing." He watched Diavolo and Lucifer grow more inpatient at his childish act.

Mammon wanted to be anywhere but in this room

Mammon started walking away. He heard his brother telling him to come back but he kept walking out.

"If it bothers ya' that much you can say sorry for me" then he left.

----

Mammon now sat by himself on a rooftop. It was the best place to be alone with no one to bother you. He goes up here to be alone. After leaving RAD he sat up here and thought about everything. He skipped his last classes and it was now after school. There's some people leaving while others staying for club activities.

Which reminded him that he has a student council meeting today. Which only added to his growing frustration.

He should apologize to Diavolo. Not because he feels bad but he would rather avoid dealing with his older brothers anger for what he did. Lucifer will still be absolutely livid but it may help a small bit if he says sorry before he gets home.

He remembers why he was drinking yesterday. He had broken some stupid vase and while normally he he was just as annoyed with himself as everyone else

He laid down, recalling the previous day.

"Why couldn't you have just watched where you we're going you idiot" mammon thought as picked up the pieces of the vase from the floor

"Why do they keep you around if you keep doing stuff like this?" He was now clutching at the pieces in his hands. It must have been to hard though as they began to bleed, but instead of being he was quite calm. Then he decided to go out for drinks.

He then remembers how he has behaved today. Not like his usual self. He doesn't want anyone to worry.

----

He stood in the doorway and watched everyone get ready for the meeting.

"Lord Diavolo?"

"Oh Mammon I just sent Lucifer out to do something" with his signature grin almost as if he had forgotten their previous exchange

Or as if he was trying his hardest to hide his irritation.

"I'm sorry"

"He should be back soon though" Diavolo said slightly confused.

"No I'm sorry for leaving while you were talkin' and for getting so upset, I just didn't want to admit you two were right"

"Oh"

Everyone in the room seemed genuinely caught off guard by his apology. Then Leviathan began laughing.

"Are you saying this to avoid Lucifer's punishment. You know that's not gonna work right? You idiot."

Mammon caught himself before he could yell back.

"Can I not be sorry? I admit I was wrong am I not allowed to?"

The room was silent once again.

"I'll apologize to that teacher later but I don't think he wants to see me right now."

"I'll accept your apology." Diavolo said while patting his back.

Then Mammon sat down and looked around his eyes landing on Lucifer walking into the room towards Diavolo. He has no clue how long he had been there. Secretly hoping he didn't hear the apology, but judging by Lucifers eyes landing on Mammon during whatever Diavolo was saying to him he seriously doubted that.

He stared at his hands for the rest of the meeting.

---

His punishment wasn't nearly as bad as he expected. Sure the lecture was long and being hung upside down was uncomfortable but it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. Guess apology might have helped more than he was expecting.

He sat in his room with a knife in his hands he wanted the feeling he got when the glass was had cut his hands. he wants to feel happy.

Or at least he wants to feel something

"This is so stupid" he thought as he stared down at the knife. "I'm really stupid" he made three cuts: one on his palm, one on his wrist, and one on his upper arm. He had only ment to make one yet the feeling he got drove him to make more.

It hit him what he had just done as he quickly started to wash his wrist and the knife and place bandages on the cuts.

He turns off the lights and crawls into bed. He wasn't going to sleep though. He began to cry and only stopped once he fell asleep.

He forgot dinner again.

[enjomo-arch]

@chatcambrioleur , nami asked : She doesn't know how he does it. She's staring in horror as he shoves meat, bone and all, down his gullet. She'd seen him do it before, but it made her gawk at him, each and every time. "I know you were getting desperate since Sanji's been gone so long," she practically chides, setting another plate in front of him. "--- But you don't have to pretend you like my cooking that much." Overall, the crew tended to steer clear of Nami's cooking --- it wasn't that she couldn't cook, but her food always came with a price. Ace was always an exception, though. Aside from that, he'd eat anything --- even if she didn't cook it very well. Let's face it, as competent as she was in the kitchen, Nami was no match for Sanji's food. She draped her arms over Ace's shoulders and pushed his hair away from his face as he ate. "Chew. It's not goin' anywhere."

ace  was  known  for  his  rather  insatiable  appetite  and  his  rather  unique  eating  habits  and  nami,  as  well  as  the  rest  of  the  crew  could  learn  from  this  many  times  when  the  commander  only  had  time  to  visit  his  brother's  ship.  despite  the  fact  that  sanji  did  not  honor  everyone  with  his  presence  to  cook  a  nutritious  meal,  what  the  navigator  prepared  was  not  bad  at  all.  of  course,  she  was  not  a  renowned  cook  like  sanji  but  also  there  were  not  many  things  that  ace  would  realistically  not  eat.  ❝  sometimes  i  gotta  taste  my  girl's  cookin'  ain't  that  right  ?  ❞  he  simply  answered  with  mouth  full,  the  food  slipping  out  of  his  lips  between  the  words  only  to  be  swallowed  back.

the  sounds  of  sharp teeth ripping  flesh  and  cracking  bones  filled  the  air  as  ace  devoured  his  meal,  unapologetically  messy  and  swift  in  his  eating.  his  movements  were  just  as  messy,  his  hands  a  whirlwind  of  motion  as  he  tore  through  the  meat,  bones,  and  all,  in  a  display  that  would  make  most  people  wide-eyed,  just  as  nami  was  at  this  moment.  no  matter  how  many  times  she'd  see  him  eating.  ace  swallowed  chunks  of  meat  along  with  the  bones,  seemingly  without  a  care  in  the  world.  he devoured  piece  after  piece,  barely  pausing  to  breathe.  with  each  bite,  the  bones  vanished  with  almost  alarming  ease,  disappearing  down  his  gullet  as  if  they  were  no  more  than  soft,  spongy  kind  of  food  so  easy  to  swallow. 

to  no  one's  surprise,  the  food-induced  weariness  crept  over  him  as  he  found  his  fullness.  eyelids  fluttered  signaling  the  strike  of  his  narcolepsy  knocking  to  the  doors.  ace  wasn't  finished  yet,  he  couldn't  sleep  right  now.  ❝  baby,  swallowin'  is  qui  -  ❞  the  sentence  cut  in  the  mid  thought  so  did  the  world  before  the  fire  fist's  hazel  irises  that  fell  shut  and  his  face  landed  into  the  plate.  nami  could  only  be  left  with  snoring  coming  out  of  the  unfinished  food  that  served  ace  as  a  pillow  now.

[jalgajalga]

JULY

July, my birthday month, though it ain't making any different. The month i travel a lot, month that I nervously waiting as I knew would experience many new things.

July 2nd

This day, i wanna do a lot of things in my bucket lists. Watching elemental, I heard it being a good romance cartoon many people could relate. I asked my friends previously if anyone were interested, but i was being impatience, i wanted to do it immediately, so i ended up waching it alone. Not a big deal for me tho. After watching the cute movie, I eat my legendary high school dish chicken katsu noodle, also alone. At this point i must be looked very sad and lonely. But I really value my time and other's too, I don't have to wait for other when i could comfortably do it mysef. Others don't have to enforce themselves do the things they actually doesn't really interested in and spent money on it.

The-me-time day hadn't end yet. After having dinner, I went to watch artjog, anual art exhibition, the biggest and most famous one. I bought bundling ticket for exhibtion and theater stage. It would be my first time watching profesional theater performance, I was really excited. There were a lot of paintings and installation, but i was in a rush as the theater was about to start.

The artists were really cool. I could see their talents, their passions, and when all the staff were being called at the end of the performance, i was really moved. It's how art were made.

july 3rd

My birthday. Nothing different. There's no birthday present, just a little dimsum-as-a-cake surprised from my workmates. Thankyou, I really appreciated it.

July 6th, 7th I'm lucky my hometown is such a cultural city. It has a lot of culture related events. Like today, i was casualy scrolling my instagram and found an event, an opening of Kotabaru Heritage Festival, there would be a dance and orchestra performance and later, walking tour and photography exhibition. All was free, of course I won't miss it. That part of the city is realy familiar to me, my junior and senior high school located there. It's fun to know more abot its history.

July 8th First out of town trip. The closest one, 2 hours distance. It's only me and my long time close friend. First, we wanted to go by train, but then she offered to drive. That's a better idea, better moblity and these day the trains were so packed.

We don't really had a plan. We had the list but we went anywhereour moods lead. First stop, to fill our stomach we visit cute small coffeshop. The coffee was good, my friend said. I am not a coffee person, i ordered matchalatte and it was decent. The croissant was tasty also, I'm not a fan of croissant but I really like that coffeshop has.

Then we walked for little bit to Pura Mangkunegaran Palace. That palace is still functioning as residential house. My imagination flew away imagining how it was living as a nobleman, having the freaking huge house. The tour must be conducted wit a guide, and the guide war realy helpfull and informative. But they missed informing the history how this palace or kingdom (?) was form, and what's the difference between it and the other palace that Surakarta has. We looked up for that information while having dessert at the oldest ice cream shop in town. It's very famous, full of people. I wonder were they all tourist or there were some locals. Its nostalgic taste but not really special.

After the coffee, light meal, and dessert, we then heading to another famed food stall. We oredered take away so we won't coming back home empty handed. We had our late lunch almost dinner at small cute ocal steak. everything here is cute and small. The place were decorated with a lot of vintage items, a little bit random, here and there, but still cute. The food were great too. Not a fancy kind a steak, i think it was fried. But really tasty.

July 10th Asian Badminton Junior Championship. If there's a Badminton event held in town, of corse i should watch it. Young athletes working hard for dream, how can my heart not moved

July 16th After a long time, i join the weekend jogja walking tour again. I registered myself a lot, but then in the morning, i was overslept. Since my sister was home, I finally came to the tour. It's a tour of chinatown area of the city. Not much left but the story and history stayed to be told. We wanted to try the old bakery there but it hadn't open yet even after the tour ended, we had lunch and came back.

July 19th

Because of Greta Gerwig, i'm being #teambarbie haha. Second cinema this month. This time I have friend acompany me. As expected of Greta, it doesn't have to be explained. I really like it, the jokes hit me right. A lot of underlying meaning, a ittle bit too much i would say.

July 25th-28th

The very exhausting and worrying, make me nervous trip finally came. It's 4 days business trip to Bali, with car. I get dizzy easily so i'm afraid i would get motion sicknesss. Thanks god it didn't happen. actually I don't really remember how it went wkwkwkk. All I remember was I really tired and that I promise myself I woud comeback to bali and had enjoyable trip, my kinda style trip.

July 30th

This the highlight of the month. RADWIMPS CONCERT!!. I had been manifesting for about four years. Still tired from the Bali trip, i wasn't really excited at first. And also I came alone, so i'm a bit worry. I traveled solo quite often,but never to attend a concert. I literally just arrived, entering concert, jumping and singing and walking back to the inn quickly. Watching concert alone not bad, but being with friends is more fun. Inside the hall it was like magic. Wow i was reallyyyy happy.

July end. What a month. Somehow it felt restless. and I'm writting this post in a university library where i should doing my thesis. My biggest homework in life for now. Soon my post will full of library picture, me working hard on this reasearch. And by the end of the year, post about thesis defense presentation. Aameen :"))

[mayullla]

Title: Teapot meal invite [Arataki Itto ver.]

Character(s): Arataki Itto

Summary: Sagau; When you invite them for a meal at the teapot!

Note: This is inspired by one of the 2.6 events called "Spices from the west" but you don't need to play it to understand this! Diaolog is what Itto said in the event.

Warnings/tags: Gn!reader, short fluff

Arataki Itto is basically jumping off his chair when you invited him to the teapot, he heard that you were planning to feed your characters at your teapot and man is he soo excited!! A-hem! Which of course you should. When you know full when how amazing, awesome, astounding, awe-inspiring, sensational, mind-blowing amazing guy he was!! Aaaand, he is the leader of the amazing Arataki gang too! You should definitely invite him!

When you placed him on the teapot, Kuki along with Ushi had to come along hiding in the back so that nobody could see them where they had to constantly remind Itto that he should not mess it up. They cant let you know that they were self-aware, not yet anyway but what is the guy supposed to do when his good friend was making him food!

When the traveler finally showed up he almost jumped in surprise and excitement his eyes sparkled that the food that you choose for him and made for him and collected the ingredients for him is finally here! (Kuki Shinobu and Ushi mentally pray that he didn't get caught doing that.)

Like: “Hahahahahahahaha! Mm, mm, mm! I haven't eaten somethin' this good in three whole years!” Neutral: “Fine! I'll let you treat me to a meal today, but know that the Arataki Gang always pays its debts.” Dislike: “Hey, are you sure you ain't trying to poison me!? Ah!”

[thesilentgirlfromyourclass]

"I know, love..."

Member: Seo Changbin x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, comfort

TW: eating disorder, read at your own risk

A/N - Every fic that I find about eating issues is always reader not eating enough and/or starving themselves, but we don't talk enough about binge eating, that could be as dangerous as anorexia or bulimia. I know very well the struggle with overeating and I hope others, facing the same problem can find comfort in this imagine <3

"C'mon, I know you want it. One more ain't gonna hurt you. Come closer, darling. Just one more step."

No, Y/N, remember what you promised yourself. Do not look over here! Grab your water and go to your room. That's what you came for, isn't it? You were thirsty, not hungry. But... I really love this chocolate. I can take one little piece of it, then put it in the cupboard and my brain will forget later about the chocolate. Yes, that's right!

You were stupid to think like that earlier. Half chocolate bar and three cookies later you found yourself sitting in your bed, feeling so full, sick and disgusted. With one hand you rubbed over your tummy that hurted a lot and with the other you were drying the hot and salty tears that wet your cheeks and your lips. You saw your reflection on the black TV screen, let's say the view wasn't the best

"I look so pathetic right now."

It's something you got used to doing, yet you hated all these sugar cravings, your mind telling you are still hungry before you had the chance to finish your meal, binge eating every single day and so on. You hated yourself for being weak, lacking courage to change, fear guiding your daily life.

Binge eating was something you developed from very young age. It's been with you for all of your life to the point you feel weird when you manage to eat clean and healthy all day which lasted for no more than one day. After day comes night, and with night came the urge to finish the unfinished sweets. Most of the days you stopped trying to overcome it, because it was pointless.

Not until you met Changbin. He was a nice guy, making sure you were comfortable with him and he never made a mocking comment about your disorder. Of course, he was worried, tears clouded his vision each time you had mental breakdown, so he asked to help you. Changbin wanted to know everything about your condition, when did it start, what situations or emotions made you do this to yourself and he suggested to visit a professional. Later he started cooking different tasty and nutritious dishes for both of you, but he didn't forget for the emotional part of the issue. Binnie always made sure to pay attention to you, you both trying new things so that your attention was focused somewhere else, but food. But there were tough days, when things didn't go well, bringing stress to you. On these occasions you always ate whatever you saw, in quantity. That's the case today.

Whatever the reason for your uneasiness was took you three steps back from the progress you had made. Your boyfriend found you in your shared bed fast asleep when he got home after being with Stray kids all day. The digital clock on the bedside showed 5:44 pm and it was unusual for you to be asleep at that time. Then Changbin noticed traces of your dried tears and everything made sense. You had overeaten.

The boy bowed his head so that he could kiss first one cheek, then the other, and finally your lips. You moved a little and opened your eyes. Your eyes met Changbin's "i know what happened" gaze. You opened your arms, and the second your bodies touched, you squeezed Changbin as if your life depended on him. And to some extent it was.

"Binnie... " you whispered. He placed a kiss on your temple. "I know, love. Everything is okay now. Wanna talk?" You nodded your head "yes" and Changbin broke the hug to find better position. Fifteen minutes later both of you were cuddled on your shared bed with Bin telling you about a mess the boys made today at the company's building which erased the stress and your laughter echoed through the room.

[writerkatsblog]

Lyrics: There you go on sulkin', blamin' all but you. Won't admit you set your heart for failure. Should be glad I'm here awaking you.

I'll make a real good soul out of you. Time ain't ticking slow, yes, you're overdue. Aren't you glad to meet me?

- Meet Me by Mickey Valen ft. Noé

Character(s): Mr. Bean?

send me a song lyric and character(s)/ship, and i’ll write a minific based on it

"Rise and shine, my scaly little friend." The rusty metal door creaked as it swung open. Hannibal Roy Bean grinned, enjoying the smooth ride on Ying-Ying's back. The smell of freshly cooked dragon wafted up to him from the bowl clutched in her dangerously sharp talons. Even with the chill from the caves as they descended, the eternal heat untouched by the laws of nature given off by the soup kept the air around them warm.

Ying-Ying landed with barely a sound of metal clinking against the cold stone floor of the cave. Then immediately alighted again when the clinking of chains sounded. Bean grinned with his rotted graveyard mouth full of jagged tombstone teeth. Seeing the verdant silhouette of the once Dragon of Water slithering around the cave.

"Come on now, Chasey Boy. I left you alone for a week now, you're hungry enough by now that you'll be wanting to eat more on your own. No need to be so sulky. You don't want me to have to pry your jaw open and pour it down your throat for you again, do ya?" A great, sharp toothed muzzle approached the bowl. Gingerly sniffing at the wafting smell of magic and reptile drifting off of it. "I was even kind enough to add a little... somethin' extra to make it nice and filling. I worked hard to get that nice n fresh, ya' know." He said this with an almost palpable glee, eyeing the distinct shape of a whole human hand bobbing at the top of the liquid. So fresh it was almost still twitching.

A low, hesitant rumble sounded from a rough throat. But saliva began to drip between the sharp rows of teeth. It was as they said, hunger was the best sauce. And after so long of deprivation, any food presented would be well slathered in it.

Finally, to Bean's twisted delight, the long snout plunged into the soup. Scarfing down the long withheld meal with ravenous fury. Now confident in seeing the fury at which the meal was devoured, Bean hopped down from his perch on Ying-Ying's back, landing on the shoulder of the beast. He pressed a tendril intentionally against one of the many half-healed chafe marks criss-crossing Chase's neck near the metal collar that restrained him. It was probably near time to set him loose again. Maybe two weeks of no food would produce an extra level of viciousness. The boy could well take down a medium sized city with how far he'd come.

Chase lifted his maw from the bowl. Scales dripped with thick, green broth and slivers of flesh speared into the gaps between his fangs. Pupils slitted as they focused best they could on the small organism perched on his shoulder. Bean just continued to grin, and patted him like a dog owner praising a dog that had just performed a suitable trick.

"See now? It's just like I told ya'. Now all ya' need is a little guidance, and you'll become the evilest thing this world ever did see. Second only to me, of course," he chuckled. "Just you wait, I'll make you a proper evil creature yet, once you get over those silly lil' hangups with 'humanity' and all. Now ain't you glad you met such an excellent teacher as me?"

[tsumuniri]

━━━ Atsumu Miya is a free-loader. Living inside his twin brother's home as if it was his, he would bring home girls and annoy Osamu most of the time. Y/N L/N is quite the opposite apparently because she's a virgin loser. Being the popular anonymous BL mangaka known as Yamazaki, she stays in the homey abode of her parents and watches boys from afar for references (not for admiration sadly).

Now what will happen if fate decided to tie these two idiots together and made them live across each other in one apartment?

。m.list ❯❯ prev┃next

ONE ━━ THE TWIN BROTHER’S DECISION

"SO THAT'S THE TEA?"

You nodded dejectedly and raised the Tuna Mayo Onigiri in the direction of your mouth. You bit into the delicious rice snack, humming in delight as the saucy and sweet flavors of tuna cheered you up just for a slight bit. "They said that a girl my age shouldn't be living with her parents and should finally get a guy instead of drawing an imaginary one. You know that they're old school, Mai." You said, mouth full of rice bits and tuna.

The female ran her fingers through her short bright red hair. "Well, you are 25 now, and you haven't got a boyfriend since middle school," She propped her elbow on top of the round wooden table, resting her chin on her palm. "But they should've told you beforehand, right? How are you supposed to look for a residence in a short span of time?" She asked and watched you devour the onigiri meal with such ease. Her black-colored eyes held an uncertain expression as Mai was concerned for her colleague and friend.

After hearing the unfortunate news directly from your loving parents, your mind had to process the sudden information for two solid minutes. The first person you thought of to call is your closest friend, Mai, your roommate back at art school and a mangaka in the shounen industry. Although the two genres have completely different backgrounds, you two are stuck together like peas in a pod through the grace and glory of fawning over 2d men.

Ain't that great?

"They said I could stay back for two weeks until I could find a place to move in. I still have nine days to move out. And as for the residence part..."

You rummaged through the leather bag slung over your shoulder and took out a creased brochure of a newly built apartment based in the heart of east Osaka with its breathtaking cherry blossom conifers and pious shrines. The leaflet's minimalistic design delineated the idiosyncratic architectural structure of the tall building on the front page. Anybody could tell that this jointly owned establishment may settle for tenants with stable incomes.

For someone who changed the BL archives with her plot-driven works, Y/N could provide the fees to rent a homey room on the clabber-plastered apartment complex.

Mai shifted on her seat and studied the brochure on the table with interest— crossing her legs and leaning her torso forward to get a full view of the given pamphlet. "The building does seem promising. You could even check out your works in the Manga Shops at the city." She remarked as her eyes skimmed through the brochure, taking note of the facilities and rooms for the future tenants.

"Right? I already checked the place out yesterday, and coincidentally, the studio office is close by," The H/C-haired female pushed back the tiny strands of baby hair tickling her forehead as it was annoying her smooth skin. "They even allow pets. The apartment buildings I visited mostly don't allow pets, and the others who do, they have weird-ass tenants whom I don't really wanna be neighbors with." She ended, scratching the back of her neck.

"Soooooo, that's the apartment you're planning to move in."

You nodded your head, "I prepared the papers and told my parents about it. Maybe you can help me move my things out?" You suggested to your friend as your leg overlapped with the other, biting into another piece of onigiri from the porcelain plate.

Tilting her head to the side, Mai let out a light scoff from the BL mangaka's proposition as she gestured her hand downwards. "I'm offended, Y/N! Of course, I'll help you." She expressed her whimsical disbelief through her words. "I thought we were best of friends." The young lady teased.

"After all those collab fan arts of the Akatsuki, why wouldn't we be at this point?" You joked; however, the shinobi anime reference wasn't technically a gag as you both had a history of fangirling over the smexy criminal organization— even if you both had a peculiar taste in men. "By the way, why did you choose this place? Isn't this sort of far away from your workplace?" You questioned the red-haired female, a bit curious on why she decided to meet up with you in this Onigiri Restaurant.

Mai's lips turned up into a smirk as she motioned her finger for you to move closer. "My assistants and I decided to eat here after a hard day's work. By the time we were all seated, our eyes got blessed when the restaurant's owner catered to our table!" She whispered with excitement dipped on her tongue.

"Oh boy, if you had seen him, you would've gotten the inspiration to make a character from his well-sculpted face."

You raised a brow and let out a snortle, "We went here because a hot owner caught your attention? I should've gone with you then." You played along and couldn't help but laugh at your friend's reason for dining out a distance away from her studio office.

Like middle schoolers, you both giggled as Mai continued her story of the dashing Onigiri restaurant owner with her witty play of words. You never had any interest in dating; however, you still bid no mind to your friend's fawning over pretty men who would unlikely pay attention to either of them.

"That owner you're talking about might not visit his restaurant, Mai."

"I know, silly! But I do wonder what that work of art does outside his work."

Osamu is a very patient man. May it be through his responsibility of running an Onigiri business, or may it be just a simple waiting in line at the subway station of Tokyo, the male wouldn't lose his temper nor be frustrated over such trivial things.

But when his exhausted figure slugged inside the comforts of his home and found the living room all trashed with empty bottles of energy drinks and bags of chips, Osamu was finally at his breaking point.

"Atsumu, you mother-fucker... COME DOWNSTAIRS THIS INSTANT!" He burst out, calling out his twin brother's name as he began picking up the trashes scattered throughout his coffee table and his lawson couch. His ears caught the sound of loud footsteps thumping on the wooden-tiled floor as he could immediately tell that it was a certain someone who came down the stairs.

A bed of ruffled blonde hair popped out of the stairway as a certain setter casually jumps into the scene of the untidy crime, walking towards the other twin with open arms.

"Welcome home, Samu! Did your staff make a mistake in the newly-opened shop back at Shinjuku? You look a bit frustrated right now-"

Atsumu stopped himself once he noticed his twin brother standing over the mess he forgot to clean up. His arms dropped to the side while his chocolate eyes shifted over to Osamu's annoyed expression, "Okay. This time, I absolutely forgot to clean up." The male tried to explain himself.

The quiet one of the two shook his head in disapproval, sighing out and pinching the bridge of his nose to calm his fiery nerves. "I found this apartment, Tsumu. I think it's best for the both of us if you could finally get your own place." He stated, hearing the slight choke coming from his brother's throat.

"WHAT?! What made you think that this would be the best for the both of us, Samu?" Atsumu protested, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion as to why his brother would suggest that sort of idea.

Osamu raised his hand and lifted three of his fingers to his twin's eye level. "First, you sometimes disrupt my sleep whenever you'd bring your flings at home," He stated and didn't bother to let the other speak their mind about the issue at hand as he continued his statement of reasons. "Second, you'd sometimes forget to do your lists of chores and often lie that you didn't do them because you were tired from training." He paused for a moment, thinking of a third reason until it clicked in the back of his mind.

"Lastly, you're a 23 professional athlete, who makes a lot of money than what I usually make, and yet, you're living with your twin brother."

Atsumu stared at Osamu as he crossed his arms, "So? You'll kick me out if I don't move out of your place?" He derided, his voice mostly holding a hint of teasing as he knew his brother wouldn't act so rashly over those reasons.

Oh, was the male so wrong.

"Yes, Tsumu. I'm kicking you out."

[toukatan]

yall so excited for the long awaited em interaction, you're making me all giddy! i'm like 854% sure yams gonna drop it again like a boss just like 123 last year. remember how we're all worked up and hyped just looking at the leaks and those fake translations who rejected who then we get what am i to you 😳 aaaah, good times. good times! yams giving us a year to prepare our hearts that's why he ain't giving us any crumbs yet because we ain't gonna be ready asgdhdjsksjs

ugh we gotta hype that ish up even if it’s angsty or tension filled, you know their confrontation is 854% sure gonna slap us—

omg hell i remember the chaos november was: november 1st wit studio dropped these two offical arts and said aiyo have this and we ate that ish up

then the spoilers dropped so fast the following days. on the 6th and we were yelling about these blurry as heck ant scans like we didn’t even know what to expect but we were excited n question why they alone n mika blushin

that was such a good month like there was no stopping november. forever iconic yes. i remember the eremika tag breaking, it didn’t load for me and i was like dayum we really went that hard lads? i have a video recording of the tag being broke sjansbns ems we did that.

like you said yams is just sittin’ there waiting for the right time to throw us in the loop again and i can’t wait for the full course meal no matter what it is! we better buckle up 😤🤲🏻

[galadrieljones]

As You Were (Chapter 3)

Fandom: The Last of Us | Pairing: Joel x OC | Content: Fix-it | Rating: Mature

Masterpost

When Joel and Ellie take a wrong turn on their journey from Pittsburgh to Wyoming, they find themselves lost in a beautiful place with a dark and dangerous secret. While there, they meet a mother and son who, after a recent, tragic event on their family farm, are fighting tirelessly for survival. In an effort to find hope for the future, the two groups set out west together, growing closer over time, making choices and altering paths that will change the course of their lives forever.

This is an AU, starting after the events of the Summer chapter in the first game, and extending into the timeline of the second. Joel lives.

Chapter 3: The Driftless

“When you’re lost in the darkness, look to the light.”

After dinner, Joel insisted on cleaning up. Cici said she'd show him around the kitchen, the downstairs. The food had been really good, like way too good. Ellie had never had lamb before, ended up eating almost as much as Noah. At some point, though, while everybody was making small talk, she became dreamy. She was looking out the window, pressing her thumb lightly to the blade of her knife, finding shapes in the stars. Noah came over after everybody was finished with the meal and asked her if she wanted to come with him, out to the Crow's Nest, to help him with something.

"What are we doing?" said Ellie. It was probably about ten o'clock and full dark outside.

"It's a mess out there," he said, throwing the shotgun strap over his shoulder. "I just have to go haul some stuff out. You can come, if you want."

"Yeah, sure," she said. She smiled and closed up her blade. "Let's go."

But then, Joel said, "Ellie."

His voice was big, and deep, like space. Whenever he said her name like that, she immediately found his eyes. Something about choosing to stick together like they had. You can't really unstick.

"What's wrong?" she said.

He was standing with his hands in a basin, which was full of soapy water. The faucets didn't work anymore, said Noah. Nowhere in the whole house, or on the whole property. The running water was completely unusable. Ellie thought it was a little funny, seeing Joel do dishes. She'd never thought of him like that before. He wiped his soapy hands on his jeans, and then he looked down at them and seemed to reassess what it was he was about to say. She was listening. "Just be careful," he said, looking at her in a way that meant compromise.

"Sure," she said. "I will."

"Thanks, Ellie."

"She really listens to you," said Cici, once the kids were gone. She was taking the vacuum out of a broom closet by the front door. "Or is that just when other people are around?"

Joel stopped what he was doing, his hands back in the soapy water. Admittedly, he felt like a stranger in a kitchen like this. It had been too many years. "You mean Ellie?"

"Yeah," she said. "It can't be easy, with just her dad."

"Ellie ain't—she ain't my daughter," said Joel, remembering, suddenly, that Cici did not know. Noah knew, but the particulars of their relationship at large had not come up yet. It just wasn't important. "I'm just looking after her. For the time being."

"Oh," said Cici. She was surprised. "I'm sorry. I just figured."

"It's okay," said Joel. He started washing the plates with a sponge. "Back in Boston, there was a lot of...violence. A small group of us were trying to get out of the QZ," he said, scrubbing. "My brother lives out west, got some sort of set-up there, so that's been our plan, to find him. Some of us got as far as Pittsburgh. But me and Ellie, we're the only two made it this far." He looked down at the plate. It was like a coral color, porcelain.

Cici was quiet. When he turned around, she was just holding the cord to the vacuum cleaner, staring at it like she had forgotten what it did. "Well, we're glad you found us," she said. “Despite the circumstances.”

"Us, too," said Joel. "Y'all said you were in need of some real help. I've been wondering what kind."

She went to plug in the vacuum, but she didn't turn it on yet. Instead, she just stood, like she was piecing something together in her mind. "Infected,” she said. Then she was examining her fingernails. She had her hair braided about halfway down her back. She didn’t seem to want to look him in the eye. “They been tearing up our land,” she went on. “More keep coming, from up the river. And every time they do, they blow the mines on the perimeter. Yesterday, they brought down a tree. Noah had to rewire the entire valley and dig a whole new trench. I help as much as I can, which is usually enough, but given the volume of work, there’s only so much I can contribute these days, reasonably. I just—you coming along, it’s like happenstance.”

Joel took a deep breath, looked down at his watch. He had his sleeves rolled up above his forearms. “How many mines you got down there.”

“Over a hundred,” she said. “There’s IEDs, too. Some can be detonated remotely.”

”Who’s building IEDs?” said Joel.

“I am,” she said. She offered zero explanation. “All the maintenance, everything, it’s getting to be fucking impossible.”

“Well,” he said. “Like I said earlier, I’ll help in any way I can.”

”Thank you,” said Cici.

"Do you have any idea what's bringing them down, the hordes?"

"We got some idea," she said. She bit off a hangnail. She told him he needed to talk to Noah.

"Okay," said Joel. It was a little like she had given up. He didn’t like that. He knew she was keeping something from him, but he didn't press. "You know I thought we might be able to get to all this over dinner,” he went on, “but then the food turned out to be a little too good. I forgot to ask."

She started loosening the plaits of her braid, smiled to herself. "Thanks," she said. She was a subdued woman, at least for the time being. "I mean, I don't think I've ever seen a girl eat as much as Ellie."

"It's mostly canned rations in the QZs," said Joel. "I ain't surprised. Other than squirrels and rabbits, we ain't had real meat in some time. Ellie's certainly never had lamb."

"Was she born in the Boston QZ?"

"I guess so," said Joel, realizing he didn't really know. "The woman who raised her, more or less, she was a Firefly. You know that group?"

"Yeah," said Cici, leaning on the vacuum. "I do, actually. A couple Fireflies came through here, maybe five years ago. They were looking to recruit."

"Anybody go with them?"

"No," she said. "They were spouting off all sorts of plans. Said there was gonna be a cure. But they were focused up in Minneapolis. We had a whole community here, going strong for a while. It was safe. Nobody wanted to risk leaving, not on a lark like that."

“Well, that makes sense," said Joel. He finished the coral plate, set it on the drying rack, then set forth on a plate that was more of a custard yellow. He didn't ask what had happened, with their community, and why it was she and Noah were out here all alone. He washed the dishes.

Cici turned on the vacuum, cleaned up under the table, and around Joel's feet. When she finished, she put it away and started wiping down the surfaces with a damp towel. When the dishes were all clean and drying, and Joel was drying his hands on a linen towel, she brought out the rest of the wine from dinner and poured it into two small mason jars, one for each of them. They sat down at the kitchen table, trying to undo a little bit of their strife as they stared down at their wine, their hands, their knees. As two adults, they were somewhat unaccustomed to small talk. It was easier to hide things, for both of them. They were trying very hard though. Joel could tell that Cici was, not uncomfortable, but a little awkward. She just didn't know what to say to him.

"So," he said, after a little while. "Noah. He's what, eighteen, nineteen years old?"

"He's seventeen," she said, drinking. "He'll be eighteen in a couple weeks though."

"He's big for a seventeen-year-old," said Joel, drinking. "Pretty tall."

"His dad played football at Madison," she said. "He was a tight end. It runs in the family."

"You don't say."

She got a little red in the cheeks, and sipped her wine. "Noah is a good son. He does right by me, and by this farm."

"I can tell." Joel drank some of his wine, too. It was a little thin, made from cabernet grapes they had grown in a vineyard out back. That’s what Noah had said. Grapes don't grow in Wisconsin like they do in California, he'd said. But they do grow. "I will admit that I was a little surprised,” said Joel. “You look kind of young to have such a grown-up son. That's a compliment, by the way."

It was like she was trying to smile, but she hid it. "I'm thirty-six," she said. "I had Noah very young."

"I get it," said Joel. "You don't have to explain anything to me."

They sat for a little while, drinking their fruity wine and listening to the nature sounds coming in the open windows. The river rushing, snaking through the property like a silvery ribbon, the crickets big and deep. The clock on the wall.

"You know, I noticed, on the drive in, this place don't look like what I thought Wisconsin was supposed to look like."

"How so?"

"It's so hilly," he said. "With the stone ridges and the outcroppings, the rivers and the terrace farms. I thought Wisconsin was supposed to be pretty flat."

Cici got up then. She went to the record player, on a shelf by the TV, and she was rifling through a stack of vinyls. "Most of it is," she said. "But where we are, it's different. You ever heard of the Driftless Area?"

"No," said Joel. "What the hell's that?"

She chose one vinyl from the stack, slid the record from the envelope. "It's this small area around the upper-Mississippi, in the floodplain of southwestern Wisconsin mostly, some parts of Minnesota and Iowa. During the Ice Age, you know, the glaciers came down, flattened out everything. That's why Wisconsin is the way it is, but down here, in this tiny little corner, it escaped glaciation, somehow. It just missed us. There are no leftovers from the glaciers, or glacial deposits I guess, and so that's why the terrain looks the way it does, like the waterfalls and the cold streams, all the tributaries and big ridges and everything, the high forests. There's no drift. It's driftless." She was centering the record on the spindle.

Joel was looking down into his wine, feeling dumbfounded. "You're telling me the geography around here ain't changed in a hundred thousand years?"

"More or less," she said, setting down the needle. "It's some of the best trout fishing in the world, where we live."

"Y'all must fish a lot then. Does Noah get out there much with his line?"

"Not anymore," she said. Something about the sound of her voice, he knew that was the end of their talk on the Driftless.

The record player crackled and clicked. A song came on. The music filled the house. It was almost joyful. Joel had been daydreaming at first, but then he realized that he recognized the voice. "Is this Ryan Adams?" he said.

”Yeah," said Cici. “You know his stuff?”

“I do,” said Joel. “I saw him live in Dallas, all the way back in, what was it now, 2004?"

”Really?" she said.

”Really.”

”That's amazing. But you’re so old.”

He laughed. This surprised him, the sudden levity between them. “Well, I was a teenager.”

”What are you now, like forty-five?”

He gave her a look. "You gonna guess my age, Miss Cici?"

"I don't know," she said. "I'm sorry. Is that weird?"

”Not really," said Joel. "I'm just messing with you. If you must know. I'll be forty-eight at the end of the month.”

"How old is Ellie?" said Cici.

"She's fourteen," said Joel.

"What does she like?" said Cici. “I mean, what are her interests?”

Joel wrapped his hands all the way around the mason jar, as if to heat the wine within. "She likes comic books," he said. "I try to pick them up for her, whenever I find some. I've heard her sing, too, whenever we're on the road. She ain't half bad, and she tries to whistle every now and then so I think she likes music. But the place she grew up, it was basically a military prep school. Real stifling. She ain’t really used to having the liberty of interests."

"I thought you said she was raised by Fireflies?"

"It's complicated," said Joel. He swallowed some of the wine.

"I see," said Cici. "How long have you two been traveling together?"

"A couple months," said Joel, right away. "Seems like forever."

"I'm sorry about your people, from Boston," said Cici. "The people you said you lost. I don't know what to say."

Joel saw the shape of Tess, darkening the doorway. It seemed to drop a shadow, over the room, his insides, just for a second. He blinked. “You don't have to worry about me,” he said. Then he looked at Cici. Her face was pretty. Anybody would have noticed as much. "I'm fine."

Her eyes were dark, her braid undone over her shoulder. She drank her wine and said softly, "Okay."

Once they got outside, Ellie looked up. The sky swam darkly. The stars here were like nothing else, she thought. Maybe a million ribbons, maybe fishes in a black pool. It seemed to breathe up there, to teem. Teem. That was the word. She wanted to tell Joel. She thought it was a neat word, he might appreciate. She was used to feeling desperate, warm floods—of emotions, which she would then bury deep inside of herself.

She followed Noah, trailing slightly behind. They spoke little. He did ask her how she felt about it, out there. The farm.

"I love it," she said. "You're so lucky."

They walked back down to the gate where they’d first met. When they finally got to the crow’s nest, Ellie needed a boost up to the ladder, and then he followed up behind her. When she got to the top, she dusted her hands off on her jeans and looked around.

It really was like a little nest, she thought. It was totally his. There was an oil lamp glowing on a low table, and stacked up beside it were dozens of paperback novels. Names like Ernest Hemingway, Cormac McCarthy, Jim Harrison. Noah started cleaning up, right away. Tidying things, sweeping the floor with an old straw broom. There were a couple bean bag chairs with neat, psychedelic patterns, and a battery-powered hot plate, and some dirty plates, bottles and mugs. She could tell he spent a lot of time in the crow’s nest, alone. She could tell that maybe he liked it to be neat and clean up there at the start of each new day.

As he stacked up the plates and things and swept the floor, she flipped through some of the novels on the table. There was one book that was open, conspicuously, on top of the rest. That one, she did not touch, for fear of losing his place. “You like to read?” she said, stupidly.

“Yeah,” he said. “Do you?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Do you ever read comics?”

“Sometimes,” he said. “I have a bunch inside.”

“Sweet,” said Ellie, looking around. There were some posters on the wall, nothing she recognized. One was for a band called Pearl Jam. “I was reading this one series. It’s called Savage Starlight. I mean, it’s stupid. You heard of it?”

“No,” said Noah. “What’s it about?”

“It’s about this chick,” she said. There was a quilt, draped over one of the bean bags. The craftsmanship was very lovely. Ellie ran her hand over the soft knitting. “Her name is Dr. Daniella Star. She’s like a scientist. She invented some kind of crazy time travel, and it’s just like, her adventures in space, I guess.”

“Sounds pretty intense,” said Noah. He dumped the dirty plates into a canvas rucksack. He set the broom against the door jamb. “There’s a comic store in Viroqua. We could go pillage it, maybe tomorrow night? I bet you’d find some of them there. They have a lot of super obscure stuff. And the town isn’t too badly looted. There’s a lot left.”

“Really?” said Ellie. “Are there any people there?”

“No,” said Noah. “Not anymore.”

“Right,” she said.

They climbed back down the ladder. Noah said, "You wanna see the river?"

Ellie said yes. Hell yes. She did want to see the river. She'd never really seen a river, not a real one, not up close. Or at least she didn't feel like she had. They went along a little grass path. Ellie looked up some more, up at the stars, the Milky Way, listening to the nighttime birds and the crickets. Then they came to a river. Noah stopped, and she stopped. It was just this small thing, smaller than she had expected, maybe ten feet across, cutting through the grassy field, snaking around like a ribbon. It was enchanted, almost haunted, how it rippled. Little rapids, here and there. It was so beautiful.

“What's this river called?” she said.

"Technically it’s a creek,” he said, surveying, real pensive. “It flows out of the Kickapoo River, which is a tributary of the Mississippi.”

“Man,” she said."This whole place. It's like, perfect. Like a dream. In the QZ, we couldn't leave. We couldn't go outside the gates. If we did, and we got caught, they wouldn't let us come back. But here it’s like, you're free. Do you love it?"

“I guess,” said Noah. He’d set down the rucksack, his shotgun. “I mean, I don’t know anything else. You didn’t like living in Boston?”

“Not really,” said Ellie. “But I guess—I guess I didn’t really know that until I left with Joel.”

"Why'd you guys leave."

"Too dangerous, I guess. Some...bad stuff happened. In Boston it was pretty bad, but then in Pittsburgh...It’s a long story."

Noah waited, like maybe to see if she was going to keep talking. When she didn’t, he just said, “So he’s really not your dad, huh?”

“No,” said Ellie. “No. He’s just—Joel.”

“He seemed to get kind of worried when you left the house.”

“That’s how he is,” she said. “We’ve been through a lot together.”

“Like back in Pittsburgh?” he said.

She was watching the dark river in the moonlight, all unfolding, the tall grasses on the other side, blinking with fireflies. “Pretty much,” she said.

He took a deep breath then, which made her nervous. He got down to one knee, opened up the rucksack, and from inside, he took out a clear empty bottle from up in the Crow's Nest.

"What are you doing?" she said.

He didn't answer. He just blew the inside of the bottle dry, and then he dipped it into the river, filled it up with water. "It's not perfect here, Ellie," he said. “I know it seems perfect to you, and free, but it’s not.” He fashioned a lighter from his pocket, let it illuminate the bottle.

Ellie crouched down beside him, curious, but confused. She looked at the water in the bottle. She sensed a darkness, all around them. In Noah’s voice, hidden in the moonlight and the greenery of the terrain. But she didn't understand. "What do you mean?" she said. "Is this about what you said upstairs, how we shouldn't drink the water? What's wrong with it?"

"All the water, flowing out of the Mississippi, down from the north, is poisoned," he said.

"Poisoned,” she said, gazing into the light. “With what?”

He pocketed the lighter, tossed the bottle into the river. They watched it sink. “Spores.”

[goddessofthundathighs]

IV. ATTITUDE

Mad was an understatement. Pissed off? Infuriated? Embittered? Those were close seconds. On one hand, she had the incredibly handsome, incredibly irritating Dr. Stevens who was quickly becoming the bane of her existence with his smart ass mouth and uneffective therapy, and on the other hand, she had the equally attractive and equally infuriating Dr. Skylar Greene who seemed to be taunting her for her own enjoyment. Whatever the case was, O’Shea wasn’t feeling it and she was headed down to her favorite restaurant, Barton G, to give them both a piece of her mind. She arrived, clad in a black Fashion Nova jumpsuit, her natural hair slicked back in a long purple Thotiana ponytail, and some black and white Air Max. Today was supposed to be her chill day, but both doctors had her 50 shades of fucked up and they were about to know about it.

“About time you joined us,” Sky complained as O’Shea slid into the booth beside her. It was her lunch time and everyone knew how cranky she could get when she was hungry.

“Last time I checked, y’all were on my goddamn time and I’ll take as long as I damn well please,” Shea countered, throwing her ponytail over her shoulder.

“Yo, who the fuck you talking to?” the best friends asked in unison, a gesture that had Shea’s thighs clenching. She was used to seeing “Evil Erik” as she had started calling him, but Sky? There wasn’t a mean streak in her body, or so she thought.

“Okay Bopsey Twins, y'all ought to take this act on the road.. Answering in unison and shit,” O'Shea quipped still caught off guard by Sky's outburst. She had to say something to quell the sudden rise of whiney, bratty lust.

“You better chill with that attitude, Shea,” Sky threatened.

“Or what? We all grown. What, Mrs. Doctor Nigga?” Sky chuckled, beckoning the waitress over. She ordered double Hennessy and apple juices for her and Erik and ice water for O’Shea, in a child’s cup to be an ass.

“Why y’all get liquor and I don’t?”

“Cuz you acting like a child so enjoy a child’s drink,” Sky quipped, causing Erik to chuckle. “Learn how to watch your mouth.”

“I just think it’s funny how you referred me to this nigga, who just so happens to be your best friend, to fix my issue yet all he’s done is patronize me. It’s like y’all get a kick out of seeing me like this.”

“Girl shut yo emotional ass up. You’re a spoiled little sugar baby that’s used getting what you want when you want it and when someone deviates from that script, you wanna play victim and harp on and on about how you’re being misused and no one cares about your needs and blah blah blah.” Well damn, Dr. Nigga. Tell a bitch how you really feel.

“Nah, don't feed the troll, Erik. Let her do what she does. She'll learn. Sooner than later,” Sky spoke with a swirl of her glass.

“With all due disrespect, I'm a say this,” Erik continued stealing the floor in another rant.

“You hard-headed as fuck, disrespectful, and frankly, if it were left up to me you wouldn’t bust another nut for the rest of your bratty ass life. You had one job and you couldn’t even do that.”

“Sky told me to do it!”

“Bitch don’t lie on me. I said he wouldn’t know you used it if you didn’t turn it on. I didn’t put a gun to your head and forced you to masturbate.”

“I'm honestly feeling attacked right now and that's a problem for me because it's strictly emotional yet no hands are on my body. I take issue with this,” O'Shea said coolly eyeing the duo.

“And I take issue with women that ask me and my friend for advice, yet do the total opposite of what I tell them, so it looks like we both have some issues Ms. Powell,” Erik states, returning her stare.

“I can’t win with you two.”

“You can if you shut the fuck up and listen for once,” Sky said taking a bite of her salmon caesar salad made with kale instead of romaine.

O'Shea gasped, clutching her chest. Looking to the side, she scooted closer to Erik, placing her hand in his lap.

“Whatchu tryna do, lil girl?” he challenged, looking around at the crowded restaurant. O’Shea remained silent, letting her hand continued its quest until she reached the zipper of his slacks.

“Ah, ah, ah. This dick is for well-behaved little girls, and you don’t fit that criteria at the moment Ms. Powell. However, I think Ms. Greene has something for you.” As if on cue, Sky “dropped her napkin” and crawled under the table using her long green stiletto nails to rip the seat of O’Shea’s jumpsuit.

“Make one sound and she’s stopping, understood?”

“Yes Daddy.”

“Good girl. Eat your food and shut up.” He continued his meal as if she wasn’t being fingered like a kindergarten painting and she reached to the bread bowl to grab a roll, jamming it into her mouth like a gag. Ripping it with her teeth, her hand floated beneath the table to grab her coworker's hair, intent on taking as much of the good doctor's tongue as she wished to dish.

“Mmm, this kale shit is good Sky, but not as good as this lobster mac and cheese tho. These truffles hitting,” Erik praised with a mouth full of half-chewed food. Sky hummed her agreeance into O’Shea’s core, using her tongue like a makeshift dick, thrusting it in and out of her entrance. O'Shea wrapped her thighs around Sky's head pulling her in further as her eyes watched her surroundings. She wanted so badly to talk her shit, but she didn't want it to stop. She had received head before, but nothing compared to this experience. This wasn't your typical head, this was researched and tested head. Head that had been proven superior by 10 out of 10 test subjects. Skylar was a professional lesbian and if head was a sport, she’d be an Olympic gold medalist, having been eating pudding cups without a spoon since the 90’s. The sheer thought that the waitress could come back or other patrons could notice made her wetter than by the second and the hard stare Erik was giving wasn’t helping. He was enjoying the show, nasty ass.

“That shit feel good, don’t it?” Erik teased, those gold canines peeking from behind that thick ass bottom lip. Shea wanted to suck it.

“Who's better,” Shea challenged. If she couldn't get Erik to fuck her point blank period, maybe he could be lured through his ego. It worked, because as soon as the waitress walked away to fetch her an extra side of sour cream for her mashed potatoes, his body disappeared under the table and soon both of their tongues were fighting to wrap around her clit. She was in heaven, so much so that the faintest of moans slipped past her lips. It was meek, but he heard it and just as quickly as her double pleasure started, it stopped. One by one, both doctors reappeared from under the table as though they both weren't just devouring her pussy like starved slaves.

“She came twice for me, so I win,” Sky boasted.

“You had a head start, Princess,” Erik said, wiggling the face caterpillars he called eyebrows.

“You sound like a sore loser, Stevens. Don't forget who taught you the correct way to eat pussy.. Doctor.” Sky smirked smugly. O'Shea was still in a state of bliss having finally received her ever elusive release.

“Now that you’ve learned your lesson about trying me, we can continue this meeting. Erik has a conference coming up and he has a plus one. He wanted to ask you to be his date.”

“Of course,” O’Shea answered with no hesitation.

“Well shit, if that’s all it took to get you to chill, I would’ve let ya mind be present in my office the other day,” Erik said finishing off the lobster mac and cheese and ordering another helping togo.

O’Shea didn’t comment, her mind still stuck in the Ancestral Plane.

“How about we go shopping after lunch. Would you like that, Princess?” Sky teased, whipping out her card to pay for lunch. Erik quickly picked it back up and deposited it back into her Birkin before handing the waitress his black card.

“I ain't sell my soul for nothing. Let me get this,” he joked.

“Yes Mama,” Shea replied to Sky, catching them both off guard.

“Damn best friend. Maybe you should eat her pussy more often. She’d be much more tolerable.”

——————————————

@vikkidc @thadelightfulone @sydneebleu @trevantesbrat @monogamous-nympho @madamslayyy @chaneajoyyy @jozigrrl @thehomierobbstark @amethyst1993 @iamrheaspeaks @mareethequeen @forbeautyandlife @whatmoredoyouwantamericaa @blowmymbackout @wakanda-inspired @yaachtynoboat711 @nickidub718 @heyauntieeee @princessstevens @bartierbakarimobisson @xaviera108 @alexundefined @raysunshine78 @dameshaemonique @laketaj24 @youreadthatright @theogbadbitch @bugngiz @amirra88 @post-woke @im5ftbutmythroat66 @blackpinup22 @beaut1fulone-blog @chefjessypooh @queengidiva619 @love-me22 @pending-lostheart

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Oi Janis: I've got a great idea Jimmy: Go on Janis: If we have to go on these dates and shit to make it credible, it should at least be profitable, yeah? Janis: gotta get something out of it, aside from being left alone, like Jimmy: you offering to pay me, rich girl? Jimmy: tah very much Janis: Ha, no Janis: should've done that upfront, no hidden costs lad Janis: but apparently, if we go in these places, say its one of our birthdays, we can get free shit Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: free shit like drinks or free shit like a song? Janis: Free like you ain't gonna have to sing for your supper Janis: depends how convincing you reckon you can be Jimmy: Put upon boyfriend out celebrating his spoilt gf's birthday isn't that much of a stretch for me Jimmy: been there, worn the matching coupley t-shirt Janis: How spoilt can I really be if I'm fine with free cake and shit Janis: but alright, be my birthday first Jimmy: the free cake is a bonus on top of all the #goals shit we've been doing before & will keep doing after that we'll talk loudly about in front of our even more put upon server Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Of course Janis: definitely don't get paid enough and tipping kind of goes against what we're doing here, soz Jimmy: If they do a top job with their bit of the performance could always slip 'em Pete's number and see if he'll let 'em in band Jimmy: be classed as the ultimate gift that Janis: nice that your #solidarity extends beyond caffiene based services Janis: dunno who died and made you his manager Jimmy: gutted that you'd have to kill many a groupie to have your go Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: bitter as the CG's cup of the day you, mate Janis: Bitch please Janis: have you seen me Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: and here you are having ideas that'll mean I see more of you Janis: Erm, definitely YOUR idea Jimmy: all these dates were nowt to do with me Jimmy: I don't bother with my real birthday Janis: Nah, idiot Janis: one date Janis: hit as many places as we can Janis: see who can get the best shit Jimmy: and see who voms first Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: I'm in Janis: That's a thing you do? Janis: thanks for the warning, I suppose but not gonna hold back your hair still Jimmy: did you not get the memo about me being Mia protege? I'll resend it's a decent read Jimmy: we got jackets but I can't fit in mine yet #motivation Janis: 😂 Janis: should know she likes to leave me out as much as she thinks about me Janis: treat 'em mean is her whole #mood, obvs Jimmy: but I love to include you Judy 😍😍😍 Jimmy: must've missed that memo myself Janis: Has she not rushed to correct you and stake claims? Janis: Disappointing Jimmy: not til I reach my goal weight, dear Jimmy: multitasking uses more braincells than she's got functioning Janis: 💔💔💔💔💔 Janis: for you or for her, who knows Jimmy: sharesies 💕 Janis: 🤢 Janis: don't trigger me Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: When we doing this then? Janis: When can you Janis: I ain't eat yet Jimmy: gimme like an hour Jimmy: two max Janis: 👍 Janis: where you at or we meeting in town Jimmy: Go buy yourself a badge and party hat Jimmy: I'll meet you there Janis: 😑 Janis: really Jimmy: convincing you said Janis: I know but are we convincing them that I'm 6, like Janis: you want the kids menu you can ask Jimmy: if you wanna swap roles, say the word, Jill Jimmy: I look sexy af in a sash Janis: I'll get you one then Janis: help me win Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: You'll need all the help you can get to beat me Janis: Confident now you've secured a costume Janis: you do you, boy Jimmy: such a #hater you Janis: just a natural-born winner Jimmy: Easy to say Jimmy: We ain't hitting up your daddy's place, rich girl Jimmy: You're gonna have to do something Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah that was the plan Janis: fake meet the fam is too much Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: Yeah yeah Jimmy: save your enthusiasm for your fake birthday bash, babe Janis: You could save your tears for when they might get us more freebies too Janis: just so you know Jimmy: I thought you wanted to be the winner Jimmy: make your mind up Janis: I could heroically cheer you up Janis: get with the times Jimmy: am I meant to be crying 'cause you've survived the year 🔪 or 'cause you didn't get any hotter? 👵💕 Janis: Do you wanna survive the meal, darling Janis: that's the real question Jimmy: if the food's better than the company, might do Janis: 🖕 Janis: why I should be crying Janis: just need to be convincingly dating Janis: not old married couple Janis: much to your disappointment, I know Jimmy: yeah I've got the full orchestra playing as we speak Janis: Gonna stick with my workout playlist if it's all the same to you Jimmy: 🤤 Janis: I'm sure Janis: Like you said, those calories don't purge themselves Jimmy: Mhmm, we don't need to fake date so hard you get fat, that's #goals for nobody Janis: You ain't that fake special, babe Janis: 💔 Jimmy: Too soon for a food baby vs fake pregnancy guessing game either so keep at it with the workouts, girl Janis: You're trying to give the wrong twin a complex, boy Janis: works dead good on her though, if you wanna change your mind on how interested you are Jimmy: she free in an hour or two? Janis: ask her Jimmy: hang on then Janis: no need Janis: in the clear if you've changed your mind Jimmy: damn she's washing Mia's hair Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: you'll have to do Janis: not the first time she's let me down Janis: s'alright Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: How fancy are the restaurants we're hitting? Jimmy: [sends pic of what he's wearing with a 👍 on one hand and a 👎 on the other like yay or nay] Janis: Not Janis: so 👍 Janis: can leave the tux in the cleaners, like Jimmy: another night slumming it, eh?  can leave your 🐎 at home too then, sweetheart Janis: not setting up the world's shittest joke, tah Janis: 🐎🍻 Jimmy: You'd need a sense of humor for that Jimmy: and a better venue 🍽 doesn't have the same #bants Janis: I'll laugh at all your 'jokes' when there's people around to hear Janis: not exclusive to fake relationships that's just standard, burst your bubble Jimmy: 😍💕😍😍💕 Janis: Ugh, you're keen Jimmy: you had me at freebies 💘 Jimmy: just a poor boy pretending to love a girl over here Janis: asking her to pretend love him back Janis: seen the film, got the memo Jimmy: clocking up all the hours you won't get back you Janis: Obviously Janis: hoping god's keeping track Jimmy: you gonna make me say grace over the 🍞🍷 Jimmy: 'cause we established your sister ain't free even for 3 times and a mirror Janis: Maybe Janis: actually have to take this serious then Janis: do your homework, kid Jimmy: bubble bursting's your fave but I'll be the one to tell you he ain't #real if you need 🎅 too Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Is for rich kids, ain't you heard Janis: #blessed ain't just a # babe Jimmy: you'd know Janis: exactly Jimmy: tah for the inside scoop on what I coulda had, mate Janis: you seem very interested Janis: keep bringing it up so Janis: welcome Jimmy: in your 💰💰💰 yeah, I am Jimmy: gonna ask you to fake marry me asap Janis: soz, don't actually need a beard Jimmy: better not drop the 💍 in your dinner later then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't be discouraged Janis: plenty of others left Jimmy: 🙏🙏 Jimmy: lucky me Jimmy: You're right, Jenna, #blessed ain't just a # Janis: I know Janis: keep up Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: could use it Janis: new boy shine won't last forever Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: won't need you then Janis: 🤞 Janis: let's hope so or you'll have to think of a way to make this worthwhile Jimmy: so romantic and so threatening 💕 Janis: that's me Jimmy: 😍 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: Save the sweet talk Janis: You're gonna have to do better Jimmy: nowt better than your pillowtalk baby Janis: 😂 Janis: you wish Jimmy: I ain't wishing for owt but 🎂 Jimmy: I've not ate either Janis: you at work Jimmy: nah Jimmy: I opened Janis: bummer Janis: could've started off the freebies unofficial, like Jimmy: full of good ideas you Jimmy: you ain't tasted most of the shit in the cabinet though 💀💀💀 Janis: I ain't scared, boy Jimmy: weren't a challenge Janis: 🤷 Janis: boring Jimmy: piss off Janis: alright Janis: in a bit then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [during] Janis: socials are popping off Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: do my victory lap now, like Janis: stop by the bar on your way then Janis: 🥃 is empty Jimmy: [does but let's say he's talked his way into some kind of 🍸freebie so he's 😏] Janis: can't stop winning, like Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt girl Janis: lemme taste it first Janis: usually more sugar than booze Jimmy: I didn't make it, June, I blagged it Janis: letdown Janis: leave it off socials that there's an end to your talents, obvs Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I'll make you one in a bit if you're 💔 Janis: cool it tom cruise Janis: it's alright Jimmy: I know you ain't gutted I ain't that short Janis: [is 😏] Janis: true, way too many nice points in ignoring that and getting with you anyway Janis: not trying to be sainted for my new rep Jimmy: yeah yeah 😈 you Jimmy: [a flirty look cos we all know what's up] Janis: [returns it duh even if you're drinking that drink faster now] Janis: got to that point in the date have we Jimmy: [nods to whoever is coming to clear the plates as if he planned that but obvs didn't] Jimmy: might as well milk our last chances before we're onto the next Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [just a look like mhmm] Janis: go on then Janis: I'll go freshen up or whatever it is I'm meant to do and you try get us some doggy bags or something Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: [leans across the table & said plates which are being cleared to kiss her like they are one of those obliviously loved up couples] Janis: [being that bitch like sorry but not when you get up to go like the poor waitress is meant to be #invested 'cos you also know the type, least they are actually cute but still] Jimmy: [clearly does score something for them cos this place is extra if they giving out 🍸] Janis: I'm coming back 'cos any longer they'll think I'm taking a dump Janis: not very goals Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: time to move along anyway, my dear Janis: [comes back and has taken her hair down to show she's been doing 'freshening' 'cos I wanna ha] Jimmy: [when she looks really fucking good so he's trying not to stare at her & basically throws the freebies at her cos] Janis: [walking away lads heist of the century] Janis: s'alright, giving me your jacket is probably a bit cliche, like Jimmy: my jacket ain't got nowt you can eat in the pockets Jimmy: [waves a 🚬 at her tho cos is in there & asking if she wants] Janis: [does] Janis: you a feeder or just trying to 💀 me now Jimmy: You'll have to pay to unlock my kinks Jimmy: [lights her up though cos never can stop himself] Janis: [does a little amused lol] Janis: just saying, solid out with Mia and co Jimmy: Tah, I'll run with it Jimmy: had to break up with you 'cause you're too 💪 and won't over-eat for me Jimmy: 💔💔🎻🎻💔 Janis: and you're short and have a complex Janis: cool Jimmy: and you fancy Cruise and wish I was Jimmy: soz babe Jimmy: should've twigged when your idea of netflix and chill was so him heavy Janis: Not only are you tryna make me fat, it's you who's stopping me wearing heels Janis: out of order, tbh babe Jimmy: nobody's believing you wanna wear heels Jimmy: platform trainers maybe Janis: that's the whole point of this init Janis: new year new me 💁💯 Jimmy: [does a 🙄] Janis: See Janis: total Napolean, you Jimmy: You wish Jimmy: so thirsty for midgets you Janis: makes fake dating you easier, yeah Jimmy: [playfully shoves her as he pulls her into the next place] Janis: [maybe there's a bit of a queue so they have to stand there and wait and be gross and couply in the doorway for all to see, just leaning on him casually] Jimmy: [yeah cos then he can play with her hair when he's kissing her etc which you know is a mood since she took it down] Janis: [should defs be the place that ain't having it after waiting] Jimmy: [agreed but they ain't that mad secretly cos this wait is fun 😏] Janis: ok this waitress is immune to charm Janis: we're bailing before the bill Jimmy: yours Jimmy: if I'd have done it you'd be tucking into a sundae with a sparkler by now Janis: your delusions ain't making me feel better Jimmy: your whinging ain't doing owt for me, funnily enough Jimmy: let's do one Janis: I'm ordering the most expensive dessert on this menu first Jimmy: it'll take ages to show up Jimmy: their customer service is for shit Janis: wanna go complain to their manager, babe Janis: let it hit the table first, I'm not eating food that's been gobbed in for you Jimmy: not one of your kinks? I'll only spit in your mouth if you really annoy me then Janis: yeah try it Janis: dickhead Jimmy: I'll be outside Jimmy: find me when you're done Janis: really Jimmy: there's no need to be #goals in here Jimmy: [leaves the table without a word like a rude hoe but we know you're gonna be back cos will be ages lol] Janis: are you trying to dash and leave me with the bill Jimmy: would that be the bill you said you're bailing on? Janis: yeah but are you bailing on me first Janis: that's such bad manners Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: I've gone outside not home Janis: just 'cos you know I can run faster than you Janis: if you need a headstart, just say Jimmy: 'cause I'm still hungry, nowt to do with you, girl Janis: then come in and order something Janis: we ain't paying, remember Janis: go big Jimmy: I can't read, remember Jimmy: too northern Jimmy: order for me Janis: you sure? Janis: no need to be goals in here and pretend I know your taste so well Jimmy: not up for this specific challenge? Jimmy: losing it, mate Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Shut up Janis: I'll do it Jimmy: 😘 Janis: also you owe me 🚬 Jimmy: Come here then Janis: I'm patiently waiting for your food Jimmy: You've got time Jimmy: [waves at her from outside like come on] Janis: [shrugs like alright 'cos why not, feeling like a fool sat there anyway] Jimmy: [watching her come to him lowkey like 😏] Janis: ['it'll fall out' in ref to the 🚬 in his mouth] Jimmy: [lights her cos will until the day they both quit just facts] Janis: [nods like cheers] Jimmy: [keeping an eye out for the food they not gonna pay for 'cause looking at her would mean a LOOK and he's already done one earlier] Janis: ['Hope you're as hungry as you say you are'] Jimmy: [on his phone now like a rude hoe like we know he's checking on the kids but Janis don't 'Starved' cos lbr probably is thanks Ian you slack bitch] Janis: [when you're mad but you aren't gonna say you're mad lmao] Jimmy: [🚬 & texting looking like the rudest bitch ever when really you're promising Cass & Bobby cake cos they deserve that] Janis: ['Popular?' bit rude to say it like a question but you know he ain't] Jimmy: ['You said it, our posts are. I've got new boy and birthday boy shine combined, tah for that'] Janis: ['Frees you for your actual' shrugs 'who doesn't like free shit, come on'] Jimmy: [still glued to his phone 'Could be anywhere by then but if Mia and Co are still stalking, I'll keep the lie going, highkey for highkey'] Janis: [shrugs, 'they are pretty committed' and puts her 🚬 out on the wall as she goes back in] Jimmy: [follows her in after ignoring her cos I love a mixed signal] Janis: [food should still not be there for awks] Jimmy: [100%] Jimmy: [doodling cos art hoe forever, this time on the condensation on his glass with a finger] Janis: [pours salt on the table and draws noughts and crosses grid 'cos this place sucks so can be as messy as you wanna] Jimmy: [smiles when he notices cos that nerd & takes his go as ✖] Janis: [tie #1] Janis: [Janis win] Janis: [Jimmy win Janis: [Food finally arriving and my vibe was out of his comfort zone but something swag 'cos knows food] Jimmy: [gives a look like wtf & is ready to hate it obvs & be moody but tastes it & its clearly good so unlucky] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [flicks a spoonful at her cos not tryna start a full fight cos wants to eat it but 😒] Janis: [#outraged and gets some cream from her sundae and puts it on his nose] Jimmy: [when you scrape it off and then lick your finger in a saucy manner] Janis: [When you look bemused like 'thought we weren't putting on a show?'] Jimmy: [gives her a look like 'practice makes perfect' and then gets them to recreate it for the 'gram] Janis: ['Alright, highkey for highkey' at least you get to be 'fake' into it for the 'gram] Jimmy: [when you're so into it 'for the story' hahahaha] Janis: have you done this before? Jimmy: eaten whatever the fuck this is? Not up north, Jasmine Janis: 🙄 Janis: dined and dashed, genius Jimmy: haven't you? Janis: I asked you, boy Janis: but no Janis: who wants to be that rich girl cliche Jimmy: it's a poor lad necessity Jimmy: beg, borrow or steal your pastry based 5 a day Janis: You can take the lead then and we don't have to call it a head start or nothing Jimmy: we can call it handholding you through rich girl, 'cause that's what it is Janis: Leave now if you wanna be patronizing Janis: it ain't hard Jimmy: Go freshen up and use your athletic skills to leave out the window Jimmy: won't be hard for you Janis: Say bye now then Janis: ✌ Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [run bitch run] Jimmy: [likewise do your thing boyyy] Jimmy: piss easy when you know how Janis: alright Janis: it was fun but only 'cos they deserved it Janis: where'd you end up? Jimmy: so moral you 🙏😇🙏 Jimmy: [location which is right by the next place they should hit but he's always lost lol] ?? Janis: you already knew me and the big man were tight Janis: right, go in the pub like a few buildings down Janis: be there soon Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: missing you already 💕😍😘 Janis: 😂 Janis: drown your sorrows, babe Jimmy: 🍻 sláinte Janis: Look at you Janis: practically native Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: depressive drinking is what unites us all, tbh Jimmy: 😂 Janis: [showing up, let us assume she ran in the opposite direction] Jimmy: [when yet again you have to stop yourself looking at the cute bae but at least you got the drinks in so you can shove that at her] Janis: [IRL sláinte] Jimmy: [clink them glasses kids] Janis: [a snap/story moment if ever there was] Jimmy: [just cos she wants to make him say 🍀 with his accent lol] Janis: [still loling tbh] Jimmy: [when you then notice some food in her hair from when you flicked it at her so you get it out and there's a shameless moment] Janis: ['can't take you anywhere, like'] Jimmy: ['can fake it everywhere, though'] Janis: ['wow, pop that on your tinder'] Jimmy: [gives her an IRL 👍] Janis: [literal shaking of head, hopefully you dislodge any other food lol] Jimmy: [not into your drink tho that'd be grim] Janis: ['d'ya move 'round lots then?'] Jimmy: [his turn to shake his head 'I was born in the house we lived in before my dad dragged us here'] Janis: ['what makes you so sure you'll be off again then?' a gloriously blunt bitch lmao] Jimmy: ['got to that bit of the date now, have we?' cos word thief & gives her the same look she gave him too but a bit more 😒 cos its him] Janis: ['You'd prefer we were back playing footsie, like?'] Jimmy: [lols cos lbr yeah he would] Janis: [get a round in b] Jimmy: [they should get free shots which they then 'gram/snap for the brag] Janis: ['You're keeping up alright, lad'] Jimmy: ['You said it yourself, it ain't just you Paddys that handle their drink'] Janis: ['Not coming for your pride, but you can spare the sob story, like; 'less you wanna make it an actual story'] Jimmy: ['So chatty you. Unlocked a Juliet kink without even trying there, like' taking shots like its his job] Janis: [Punches him in the arm but gentle-ish please] Jimmy: [is all like 'oi!' so offended & playful shove & messes her hair up cos can't hit her can you lad] Janis: ['knew it'd all end in tears' and fake wipes his eyes to show his, obvs] Jimmy: [when its a playfight but also a moment cos we see how flirty af this is getting guys] Janis: [gonna have to get another punter/bartender to say something so y'all stop 'cos] Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Janis: I know Janis: I KO'd you Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You made a holy show of yourself girl, what would Jesus say? 😱😱 Janis: He likes 'em feisty Jimmy: code for down with a toe in the mouth that Janis: [lols] Janis: That's blasphemy Jimmy: let him KO me then Jimmy: you missed your chance, mate Janis: If you're asking to get hit by lightning, wait 'til I'm gone Janis: not going down with you, mate Jimmy: So fake Juliet 💔💔💔 Jimmy: am gonna cry now, like Janis: Poor boy Janis: you didn't get the memo Jimmy: You know I can't read Jimmy: 😭😭😭😭 Janis: I'll get you an audible account as a parting gift Jimmy: tah Jimmy: that really softens the blow of you going Janis: mhmm Janis: listen to all the great love stories you like Jimmy: [is literally graffiting their initials in a love heart somewhere rn excuse him] Jimmy: You're the great romantic, load up my queue so I know it's real 💕 Janis: [just 😏] Janis: sure Mia comes here all the time, like Janis: can see it now Jimmy: I get that vibe from her Janis: packet of pork scratchings and she's yours Janis: deffo Jimmy: 🤤 Janis: [ripping up a beer-mat] Janis: she don't do boyfriends, you know Janis: you should just bang her, keep the others away Jimmy: [does vomming sounds dramatically] Jimmy: she'd be into that but I don't wanna know her kinks either Janis: [shrugs but is shamelessly pleased] Jimmy: [throws some of the beer mat pieces up like confetti] Janis: Subtle Jimmy: [is 😏] Janis: Maybe you can change her, boy Janis: [making casual mosaic with some pieces] Jimmy: I owed you a 🚬 not a life changing favour Jimmy: [takes a pic of it cos art hoe] Janis: would it kill you Janis: come on Janis: wife her Jimmy: might do Janis: I'm willing to take that risk Jimmy: if I wanted to get married underage I'd have stayed with my ex Jimmy: claimed her kid Janis: [does 😬 face] Jimmy: [drinking away the mems] Janis: [awkward drinking] Janis: reckon that's worth more free drinks, I'll go see Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [does and succeeds, this place is obvs about them] Jimmy: [more drinking] Janis: did you think it was yours for a bit Jimmy: [gives her a look like oh okay are we still on this] Janis: [puts hands up like sorry and is genuinely] Jimmy: [shakes his head though cos no he didn't it was obvs that friend of her dad's #goals ] Janis: [nods but doesn't comment 'cos you know lesson learnt] Jimmy: [does another cheers glasses clink cos thanks for dropping it] Janis: 🍻 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [just on ya phone, reading the comments] Janis: think we're splitting couples up left and right with our #goals Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: [shows her a Mia 'birthday' message in his dms with the most disgusted facial expression anyone has ever worn] Janis: 🤢 Janis: Disappointing Janis: I thought her chat would be better Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos she's rode bare lads Janis: gotta be some reason Jimmy: she don't do boyfriends, there's one Janis: Shoulda opened with that Jimmy: Common knowledge, there's no need Jimmy: 🍆🐍 Janis: how dare you 🐍 shame her Jimmy: [little lol] Jimmy: You wanna reply to her? Jimmy: [throws his phone to her like] Janis: [raises eyebrow like 'risky' but challenge accepted duh] Jimmy: [drinks while she works her magic on that] Janis: [when you make it obvious it's you 'cos omg phone trust lol] Jimmy: [when you put your head on her shoulder so you can read it even though you could just wait until she's done, we see you boy] Janis: [takes selfie to send too] Jimmy: [suck it Mia] Janis: [looking so couply without even trying lmao] Jimmy: [when his phone rings and they lowkey shit themselves cos love to ruin a moment but its Ian so he ain't answering it begone bitch] Janis: [when you know all about ignoring 'rents so standard] Jimmy: [ooh let's say there's a table football table like in sims so they can play] Janis: [when you forget and are just having a good time now] Jimmy: [#mood] Janis: [let the boy win] Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: 😒 Janis: fluke Jimmy: play me again and I'll beat you again, babe 🥇 Janis: [sticks tongue out 'cos mature] Jimmy: [her tongue is whatever lurid colour the shots were so 📷 cos nerd] Janis: Insult to injury Jimmy: nah look it's #art Janis: [🙄] Jimmy: [sends it to her but has done some artsy shit to it] Jimmy: 🎨🎨🎨🎨 Janis: Look less cringe than the cake social, I suppose Jimmy: so complimentary you Janis: you really got that temperament, yeah? Janis: no one's doubting you maestro Jimmy: answered your own question there, girl Janis: get you a beret too Janis: when I go Janis: sorted Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [goes to get more drinks even if he has to pay for them, you gonna be wasted lads ayyyy] Janis: [when grace is probably hitting you up for deets, everyone getting ignored lowkey] Janis: get shots whilst you're up there Jimmy: [does and they a different colour for the fun] Jimmy: 💔 we'd get booted out for body shots, the fans would've loved it Janis: can call it a hate crime Janis: 🌈 Janis: you're just being a good ally Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: with that foolproof excuse, we've got none not to do it then Janis: [a look] Jimmy: [returned obvs as he's taking off his doughnut sweatshirt which isn't thank you cos not a fashion mood] Janis: [a moment] Jimmy: [downing the rest cos you know when you take your tshirt off and do this you're gonna get thrown out and not cos you need dutch courage for this moment nope] Janis: [another pub you can't go back to lads] Jimmy: [setting his phone up cos its only for the 'gram/snap guys duh] Janis: [obvs, deffo need to go this hard] Jimmy: [like on the one hand yes cos fuck you Mia but also you really don't] Jimmy: [doing the thing when you maintain eye contact the whole time you take your top off & get in position somehow I'd fall over & die so call me offended boy] Janis: [Just trying not to look like you're looking and getting down to business] Jimmy: [at least he can pretend how shamelessly into it he is is only for the recording but bitch we know you ain't acting that well] Janis: [no taking your top off for insta or for this pub so just give him that collarbone sharpish like Jimmy: [when that's hotter though so bye] Janis: [you're welcome everyone but also buhbye] Jimmy: [when you gotta run again but this time together awwh] Janis: [such a mood, end up in a park, blatantly] Jimmy: [yaaaaaaas drunk and alone in a park is our fave] Janis: [just laying on the grass, it's April, it's fine] Jimmy: [we all know he should go home but he's right there next to her instead] Janis: [actually looking at him, what is she thinking, who knows] Jimmy: [looking back cos of course he is] Janis: [makes a face to break the tension] Jimmy: [throws some grass at her cos always throwing things at her] Janis: [grass fight like you ain't alone who's gonna stop first idiots] Jimmy: [we can have his phone stop them cos let's say a text from Cass so he wouldn't ignore it & also that looks really sketchy like imma just stop flirting immediate to look at my phone] Janis: [silently fuming and gets up to go on the swing or something] Jimmy: [stays put texting & 🚬] Janis: [when you should just leave but you ain't] Jimmy: [when you go over and put your jacket over her shoulders but bitch it ain't cold you just needed an excuse to be there] Janis: want me to snap it or what Jimmy: [when you just blink & shrug cos you weren't even thinking about or like that] Janis: [when you gesture that you wanna twos on the 🚬] Jimmy: [sitting on the swing next to hers so you can pass it back & forth & you do] Janis: [just swinging as one does] Jimmy: [oh so casual just sneaking looks at her like] Janis: ['What?'] Jimmy: ['What?'] Janis: [😑 and swinging higher like fine] Jimmy: [this boy ain't even swinging he's obvs too 😎] Janis: [jumping off and wobbling 'cos if you weren't dizzy before] Jimmy: [if you don't hold her up boy who tf are you] Janis: [swatting him away like oi] Jimmy: [stepping away soooooooo dramatically] Janis: [when you're like 'Imma go for a run' like no] Jimmy: [a look like wtf] Jimmy: ['calm it down, pisshead' tryna steer her back to the swing to sit like shh] Janis: ['why?'] Jimmy: [Raising both eyebrows at her & sitting her down like ummm 'Why can't you go running late at night after shit loads of shots?'] Janis: [looks at him like um yes] Jimmy: [shakes his head but in an amused way this time] Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: ['I can handle myself, boy, you go home if you're scared'] Jimmy: [when you're just standing there holding the chains of her swing so it stays still 'If I wanted to go home I'd be there'] Janis: [trying to swing 'cos can't be tamed, 'where do you wanna go then?'] Jimmy: [when you're standing even closer like if you wanna swing you're gonna have to kick me bitch but you're trying not to smile now cos she cute & stubborn 'where are you going?'] Janis: [when you jokingly aim for the crotch but obvs don't #justgirlythings 'very goals; but rude as you're holding me park hostage'] Jimmy: [extending a hand like on you go don't let me stop you babe but v amused] Janis: [gets up with purpose but just standing even closer to him like challenging like now what boy] Jimmy: [when you pick up your jacket up off the floor cos it weren't on her properly so wouldn't have necessarily stayed when she jumped off before & put it back round her shoulders but your hands stay there just lingering cos] Janis: ['do me up then' just moving his hands to the buttons/zip or whatever like you can't do it yourself/you need to] Jimmy: [casually dressing the bae nbd such a moment] Janis: [does another jump to show it's staying on now] Jimmy: [lifts her hair out cos you just wanna touch it always bye but then you calm the fuck down & do an 👌 IRL cos all set] Janis: [does it back with a lol like okay dork] Jimmy: [tells her to piss off but is smiling] Janis: ['no'] Jimmy: [when you have to go back to the swing and sit because you can't address that no and what it might mean] Janis: ['want me to push you?' and is coming over like obvs you do lol] Jimmy: ['do you wanna?' cos always a question] Janis: [just starts in response] Jimmy: [don't go too hard tho him vomming ain't a mood lol] Janis: [when you just lol like what the fuck are we doing rn and stop, going to lie down again] Jimmy: [when you say you should go but lie with her instead cos obvs] Janis: [turn on your side and look at him 'go on then'] Jimmy: [getting comfy on the ground really close to her like you never said it] Janis: [puts head on his shoulder 'cos throwback to earlier] Jimmy: [when you do a happy sigh but you don't realize you even did] Janis: ['I might just stay out, like, not that bad when it's not freezing or pissing it down' 'cos a bitch never wants to be home] Jimmy: [getting even closer to her cos same tbh 'here?' cos he ain't know places] Janis: [looks around 'cos she's really pondering like a nerd 'it's a pretty good spot, you don't wanna be in the centre of town but you don't wanna be in the middle of nowhere either so, yeah, here would work'] Jimmy: ['Alright' cos lbr anywhere's better than home] Janis: [nods like that's that then] Jimmy: [the awkward moment when you promised your siblings cake & now you ain't coming back rude bitch but he's drunk he aint thinking] Janis: ['You gonna get cold, though?' when you're unbuttoning the jacket like it's big enough to wrap around you both] Jimmy: [buttoning it back up on her like its a speed game lol cos priorities gotta look after the bae, goes without saying that you're northern we don't need to say it boy] Janis: ['Don't let anyone see how badly you want me to keep my clothes on, boy'] Jimmy: [such a genuine lol 'I want you to keep MY clothes on, girl, that's goals'] Janis: [is like valid and snuggles into the jacket/his side more] Jimmy: [when you do the thing where you rub up and down her arms like she's so cold but it's just so you can keep them there after and basically hug because you're a soft boy] Janis: [just allowing it even though you're so #confused like what are we] Jimmy: [king of the mixed message] Janis: ['Jimmy?] Jimmy: ['What?' but in a soft way not like ???!! aggressively] Janis: ['Are we mates now?'] Jimmy: ['do you wanna be mates?'] Janis: ['Come on, answer my question' and punches his arm like before but more gentle] Jimmy: [is giving her a LOOK 'answer my question'] Janis: [quiet af 'why do I have to be the one?'] Jimmy: ['Why are you asking?'] Janis: ['cos I wanna know' gives him a look like duh, that's how questions usually work but it's playful not rude] Jimmy: [Gives her a look like well there's your answer of why you should answer me] Janis: [makes ugh noise 'cos awkward egg but drunk enough to do it so now or never 'well, yeah, you're alright, you know'] Jimmy: [is 😏 smug bitch 'you're less of a dickhead when you drink an' all'] Janis: ['fuck off, dickhead' pushes away] Jimmy: ['no' cos his turn for that] Janis: ['why d'ya think I didn't wanna go first'] Jimmy: [gives her a look as if to say if you wanna be mates you're gonna need thicker skin] Janis: [🙄 like oh please] Jimmy: [returning that eye roll] Janis: ['how dare you' rolling away like okay girl lmao] Jimmy: [gets up like he's gonna go but we know he ain't even] Janis: ['I want more drink' opening her phone like what's nearby lads] Jimmy: [we know he's gonna follow her anywhere] Janis: [just looking at him from where he is] Jimmy: [when he walks back over to 'help her up' which is the most thinly veiled excuse yet boy she don't need you like that she's stronger than you] Janis: [allows it again 'cos you wanna be near him rn even though that cleared up so little lol] Jimmy: [when you haven't let go of her hand after & are just messing around with her fingers but being gentle af like stop being so blatant but also don't ever] Janis: [thumb war obvs] Jimmy: [she should so win we all know he's distracted] Janis: [get to be the 😏 one now] Jimmy: ['where to then?' cos shamelessly change the subject/distract her from the win] Janis: ['Depends, are you gonna get us kicked out again?' and a LOOK 'Maybe I could just get someone to go in and buy us a bottle'] Jimmy: ['Have you checked the view count?' cos obvs that's the only reason he'd do something we see you boy ugh. 'Maybe I could steal us one' with a look cos always up for the challenge we know] Janis: [shakes head 'walk and talk, boy then walk the talk after you've shown me' when you wanna see 'cos shamelessly a mood and a moment we all know] Jimmy: [we strutting] Janis: [when both their phones must be blowing up constant rn] Jimmy: [you know he drunk cos he's totally ignoring his] Janis: ['you really gonna stay out or what?'] Jimmy: ['are you?'] Janis: ['course, I've done worse'] Jimmy: ['Yeah? What've you done, rich girl?' when you're not even taking the piss you just wanna know and also flirt] Janis: [nudges him whilst they walk 'You don't even wanna know'] Jimmy: ['I just asked' nudges her back 'you don't want me to know'] Janis: ['Oh, now he knows how questions work' but smiles not being confrontational with it, then shakes her head 'nah, the more salacious gossip you can spread about me post fake breakup the better, make me sound mega slaggy, standard'] Jimmy: ['Oh the old northern lad is well thick gag' reaches out like he's gonna shake her hand well done but likewise isn't being a dick for once, shakes his head too because hasn't thought about this being over yet but already don't wanna thank you] Janis: [lols genuinely and shakes his hand like the nerds they are, all the lingering always] Jimmy: ['You're alright too, you know'] Janis: ['Thanks' when you say it in the best nbd way you can but you mean it] Jimmy: [adjusting your jacket on her cos TOUCH boy I can't with you stop] Janis: ['you gonna let me keep it?' 'cos if you don't joke rn like what will happen] Jimmy: ['Need a new jacket, do you?'] Janis: ['If I did, I'd steal one, or get daddy's credit card out, wouldn't I' taps his head like remember 'it's #goals ain't it'] Jimmy: ['There's your answer then, ain't it?'] Janis: ['Yeah, but we can just fake it, obviously'] Jimmy: [a v helpful shrug] Janis: ['let's try and buy it first, I don't need garda after me, or me getting in shit with your da, like'] Jimmy: ['my dad ain't bought or bothered about my clothes since I started school, reckon you'll be alright, mate'] Janis: ['I mean the drink, you donut, where am I getting fashion at this time of night? Keep up'] Jimmy: [does a little 'run' to 'keep up' cos he's a nerd throwback to the runner emoji when she said it before but looks back at her seriously cos challenge accepted and he can do it & gonna prove that asap] Janis: [is just loling at the whole charade, what are y'all doing] Jimmy: [when he's like omg you're soooo slow as an excuse to drag her along by the damn hand MORE TOUCH we see you] Janis: 'Boy, you said I couldn't run, make up your mind, like' tutting and smh dramatically] Jimmy: ['I didn't reckon on you only having the two speeds, did I, dickhead?'] Janis: ['You just don't wanna lose, which you would'] Jimmy: ['I don't wanna be vommed on which I would 'cause you would'] Janis: ['Psh, baby; I'm no amateur, alright'] Jimmy: ['you got dizzy off a swing, alright. Leave it out, pisshead'] Janis: [😒 'you are rude'] Jimmy: [does the facial expression equivalent of the sarcastic 💔] Janis: [is now being really slow to be annoying] Jimmy: [knows & fireman lifts her over his shoulder because problem solved] Janis: ['I get it, you 'DON'T' wanna be vommed on, kink unlocked. Also drop me and die.'] Jimmy: ['throw up down my back and I'm dumping you, Joanna'] Janis: ['stop talking about puke or I might'] Jimmy: [when you just walking and carrying the bae you gonna feel this tomorrow boy you're not strong] Janis: [what a sight like hey world lmao] Jimmy: [at least she's not a dress wearing bitch that'd be worse] Janis: [didn't have to go that hard for these establishments lol] Jimmy: [put her down boy ffs but we know he won't unless she actually did feel sick] Janis: [tapping his back when they get near a shop like okay act sober and mature now lol] Jimmy: [thank god we're not letting that doughnut top be a thing haha] Janis: [a lewk] Jimmy: [we all know he's stealing shit to impress the bae #facts] Janis: [just loitering outside, looking so nonchalant] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: 🍾? Jimmy: you don't wanna put much of an order in then Jimmy: 👑🐎💰 Janis: I don't think they sell ponies in there Janis: maybe in a readymeal but I'm alright, tah Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'm hilarious, I know Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: gonna have to stop laughing at you or you won't fit in frame to #pose with me Jimmy: brought this on yourself, bighead Janis: Are you calling me FAT?!?!! Janis: 😱😭💔 Jimmy: Am I registered blind? Janis: Don't make me say that'd explain your fashion sense Janis: trying so hard not to be funny here Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 😘 Jimmy: I get it, you miss me Jimmy: Hang on Janis: Yeah, let's go with that Janis: not that I want the bottle or nothing Jimmy: And your plan is to fight me for it, yeah? Jimmy: alright Jimmy: playing nice is fake even for us Janis: Can't decide if kink unlocked or you're just that stupid Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: if yours is insulting lads you're deffo not that into me Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: fake dating is a fate worse than the friendzone, mate Jimmy: not how you do it baby 💕 Jimmy: [comes out cos how long do you need to be in there like, bought 🚬s so its less suss and throws the pack at her cos always throwing shit at the bae] Janis: [good thing she's sporty so she can catch lmao, taking one out immediately 'cos standard, 'where to?'] Jimmy: [takes the mystery bottle out, opens it & takes a swig, giving her a look like you tell me cos don't know where to go & always gets lost lol] Janis: [🙄 but nice so 😏 too, pondering 'we really committing to drinking in the park as well as sleeping there, like' shakes her head like what is life] Jimmy: [swaps the bottle for her 🚬 cos sharing is caring bitch, you could've just got your own but alright be gay] Janis: [walking and dranking and smoking 'cos living your best life obvs] Jimmy: [#goals] Janis: [doing that thing where you keep shoulder bumping each other as you walk Jimmy: [always gotta be touching we see you both] Janis: [back at the park, get under that slide/climbing frame moment 'cos shelter/privacy] Jimmy: [doodling another JJ heart under there like he did earlier but like nobody's seeing it you blatant nerd] Janis: [love that for you, 'they let you do foam art at CG?'] Jimmy: [shows her pics on the CG insta of the hipster bullshit they do, like if we wanna call that art] Janis: [nods like fairplay] Jimmy: [don't worry boy you can live your best art hoe life at the next place but for now he gives her the sharpie so she can write/draw something if she want] Janis: ['no pressure' 😏 but pondering 5eva with the pen in your mouth like a cute ass hoe] Jimmy: [sneaky 😍 cos she's so cute bye] Janis: [draws the hearteyes emoji then does some graf slagging of Mia and co for the lols] Jimmy: [then he draws a skeleton with daggers coming from the eyes cos dats Mia's reaction to the heart eyes] Janis: [lols and draws a herd of sad cows behind her for the squad] Jimmy: [adds like you know when its a ufo and the beam stereotypically but it's a coffee cup with coffee spilling out if you get me] Janis: [draws him in the ufo/coffee cup window like hey] Jimmy: [lols cos the little him & adds her running away with a smoothie in hand but obvs blowing him a kiss as she goes with the other cos] Jimmy: [when you're just passing the pen & bottle between you how coupley af] Janis: [tries to look unamused but fails, draws an OTT sexy Pete with his arms open waiting for her] Jimmy: [tries not to look jealous af but is 😒 cos drunk & no way to control it but draws the band mates in a van HONKING at Pete like get in loser we're famous & changes the open arms to waving bye with dem movement lines haha] Janis: [draws broken heart emoji over her chest and puts devil horns on him and an evil laugh bubble] Jimmy: [draws a little orchestra like the instruments with legs chasing her and one of them has an umbrella open cos there's a sad raincloud over her head now] Janis: [draws her hair even crazier 'cos rain and puts some headphones on 'cos can't hear you beech and does like dust clouds behind her 'cos can't catch me either] Jimmy: [draws a horse shitting money just behind her following cos always taking the piss that she has one] Janis: [draws one of the cows tryna hand him loads of money 'cos grace soz gurl] Jimmy: [puts a ✖ through Grace how rude] Janis: [puts a question mark next to the extra tall one like hmm] Jimmy: [turns it into a little 🐍] Janis: [turns one of the other cows into a skeleton cow with heart eyes like pls] Jimmy: [draws the gun thing they use to kill cows in an abattoir coming for the Mia cow] Janis: [draws a burger that looks so mad to be a burger about to be nommed by a really fat person] Jimmy: [draws a pie next to it waiting to be eaten cos #northern bants] Janis: [draws angel of the north on top but makes her look more like that northern lass stereotype] Jimmy: [draws his dad flirting with the angel but has to draw a dad name tag cos she don't know Ian yet] Janis: [draws christ the redeemer and her having a moment] Jimmy: [lols and another ✖ haha] Janis: [draws zombie jesus coming for him] Jimmy: [Twix has stolen zombie jesus' foot in his addition] Janis: [lols but can't think of anything else so puts a little crown with a poo emoji on him] Jimmy: [draws another cloud but instead of rain it's smoke cos lighting up a new 🚬 IRL] Janis: [writes whatever warning label is on the pack in the cloud] Jimmy: [draws a 🚬 crying cos the haters] Janis: draws them group hugging it and is also like pass me that tah IRL] Jimmy: [draws the 💕 cos true love & obvs does pass her the 🚬 #alsotrueloveamIright] Janis: [when you're just spinning the sharpie now, smoking, thinking] Jimmy: [when you're drinking & looking at her and trying to think about spin the bottle comparisons lol] Janis: [when you go to pass it back so you look at him too like oh hey eye contact] Jimmy: [having a shameless moment cos add to that touching her way more than you need to when you take it] Janis: [taking the bottle when you do for something to do] Jimmy: [casually asking her why she's not in his art class like the nerd he is] Janis: ['don't take the piss!' 'cos when people in your fam can art really well, you wouldn't reckon you were any good even if you're pretty solid] Jimmy: ['I weren't' cos genuinely isn't 'be a laugh if you were there, that's all'] Janis: [shrugs 'bet it already is, like, you must be one of the few lads that does it?'] Jimmy: [shrugs back cos we all know the kind of peeps that take art, not a mood for him] Janis: [let's say they're sitting opposite and taps him with her foot like come on] Jimmy: ['what?' but again not said in a mardy way] Janis: ['I dunno' 'cos truly] Jimmy: [playfully taps her back with his foot] Janis: [footsie moment] Jimmy: [a LOOK because we all know what's up] Janis: [hits hit back with a what but with feeling] Jimmy: [when you're just looking at her lips shamelessly like] Janis: [crawls forward so she's up in his face like 'WHAT'] Jimmy: [pushing her hair out of her face so you can REALLY get that good eye contact cos two fave things] Janis: [just a staring contest rn] Jimmy: [he's gotta kiss her cos there's no way that's not a thing don't smack her head off the slide or anything please] Janis: [so that's happening bye] Jimmy: [when you've wanted to do that this whole night so it's just intense af] Janis: [you're gonna have to stop this at some point girl but not yet 'cos as into it] Jimmy: [enjoy your make out session kids] Janis: [when you have to stop 'cos your phone will not stop blowing up now it's late late] Jimmy: [awks cos boy how are you gonna just go back to chilling like you're not still breathing heavily and feeling all that] Janis: [angrily telling your dad to go away lmao] Jimmy: [soz caleb but when that reminds you that you have siblings that need you, welcome to his guilty mind] Janis: [when the moment has been murdered so you get out of your love nest to pace and light a new 🚬] Jimmy: [when you have to go but you don't wanna just leave her here alone so you sit on the slide & chug so much of the booze that you lowkey feel sick] Janis: [when you give him a look like wtf but you don't say anything 'cos mewd tbh] Jimmy: [when you also don't 100% know the way home either awks] Janis: ['you can go, like'] Jimmy: [when you start walking in the wrong direction cos always lost] Janis: [shouting 'd'ya want a cab or?'] Jimmy: [waves her off like nah 'leave it out, rich girl' also loud] Janis: [when you don't wanna leave it but also what do you say 'cept 'don't die'] Jimmy: ['you ain't getting rid that easy, Juliet'] Janis: [laughs] Janis: text me when you get home safe babe xoxo Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: if you're getting murdered, probably go 999 straight away Jimmy: nah, I'll give 'em your number Jimmy: I know you don't wanna live without the love of your life 😘 Janis: or I just want the nutter caught 'fore he makes his way down here, like Janis: either or 😘 Jimmy: 🥔🍅 Janis: 😂 Janis: how did you find them in this state Jimmy: what state are you on about? 🤐 Janis: alright Janis: just weak at the knees for me then Janis: wobbling off Jimmy: Yeah 💕 Janis: funny Jimmy: Are you still there? Janis: yeah Jimmy: alright Jimmy: where the fuck am I? Janis: Oh great Janis: well where are you trying to be, first off Jimmy: where do you think? Janis: obviously but I don't know where you live, idiot Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend Janis: shut up and send me your location Jimmy: [does] Janis: k, do you know your address even a little or Jimmy: Am I 5? Jimmy: lived here for a month, you know Janis: alright, don't get defensive Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: well send it to me then or am I meant to guess Jimmy: you're enough of a know-it-all I'm surprised you already aren't taking guesses Janis: stay lost then dickhead Jimmy: 👍 Janis: see you when you circle on yourself, like Jimmy: looking forward to it 😍😍😍 Janis: 😏 Janis: such an idiot Jimmy: such a flirt you Jimmy: trying to find my way home if you don't mind Janis: like you said, if I was flirting with you I'd call you much worse Janis: and like I said, give me your address and I can direct you so Jimmy: come with me Jimmy: not a castle or owt but a sofa's better than a park bench Janis: You're alright Janis: I'll be good here Jimmy: There ain't a puppy here Jimmy: Use your big head Janis: Is there really Janis: 'cos you just sounded like a massive creeper tbh Jimmy: [sends photographic evidence of Twix's existence and the fact she's obvs his] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's accidentally also sent random pics of him cos drunk] Janis: 😍😍😍 Janis: well throw in some free sweets and I'm yours, obvs Jimmy: I'm well photogenic me, you should know that by now, mate Jimmy: and yeah, our kid is 6, sweets I can do Janis: Better behind the 📷 Jimmy: when bae backhands you a good one 💕 Jimmy: so complimentary Janis: overarm ain't bad either Jimmy: duh such an athlete Jimmy: you gonna run to me or what? Janis: 💪 Janis: if you ain't gonna tell me where you live I'll have to, like Janis: can't let you go missing on my watch Jimmy: not while you still need me Janis: Would be potentially awkward explaining the whole fake dating deal to another lad at this point, yeah Jimmy: and that you didn't murder me Jimmy: she caught feelings so 🎯🔪🔪 Jimmy: 👻👻👻 RIP northern lad Janis: might be into that Janis: #kinkunlocked Janis: and *he Janis: drunk texting Jimmy: Nah, I meant you little miss knifeplay Janis: shut up then Janis: and you don't have a knife, just a sharpie Jimmy: just pleased to see you, babe Janis: 🙄 God Janis: drink MUST be wearing off, you're getting annoying again Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: next time I'll swipe you two bottles Janis: n'awh Janis: it was very impressive Janis: and there's no hiding two bottles down your trousers, like Jimmy: #savage Jimmy: I get why you 💘 Jesus, give then take away as quick, you Janis: Oh, I thought we were gonna speculate on Jesus' massive dick Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'm sure it was Janis: your own da ain't gonna do you like that, is he Jimmy: Mine would if he could Janis: Luckily designer babies are still unethical/he ain't god then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not that we're here to talk about yours Janis: thanks Jimmy: weren't volunteering Janis: Good Janis: 👰🏽 of christ and only interested in his Janis: don't spread that about though Jimmy: But I want everyone to know my girlfriend will only spread her legs for her imaginary friend, like Jimmy: Tweet's already been sent Janis: such a way with words Janis: don't think anyone could blame me 😒 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: if you actually roll your eyes rn you'll never get 'em back Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: have fun Janis: loser Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: done, what else you got, knobhead? Janis: wait and see Jimmy: ⏲🏃 Janis: [give her a min or two to run up on him like boo bitch] Jimmy: [you know he's gonna be shook lol when you have to act like you didn't just shit yourself] Janis: [lols and turns him 'round like first of all] Jimmy: [when you trying to be grumpy but you're shamelessly happy to see her] Janis: ['thought I'd never see you again' but 🤞 with it obvs #bants] Jimmy: [an IRL playful eye roll like see I can do it and also shhh] Janis: ['impressive'] Jimmy: [gives her a flirty look that's meant to be be a pisstake like you ain't seen nothing yet vibes but we all know is serious] Janis: [shakes head like disgusting but clearly not over that kiss/ it ain't forgotten yet like and it shows, 'focus, boy'] Jimmy: [when you had the bottle with you so you finished it and that shows because you're standing way closer to her than you need to] Janis: [more eye contact, 'do you want me to come back with you or not?'] Jimmy: [you know he's drunk cos he's gonna answer a question omg 'I want you to come back with me'] Janis: ['come on then' and gestures like where we going boy] Jimmy: [tells her where he lives cos we ain't getting very far otherwise] Janis: [maps that out and starts walking in the opposite direction he was of course, taking his hand 'cos necessitiy duh] Jimmy: [it's ONLY so he don't get lost okay nothing to see here] Janis: [obvs, don't read anything into this people] Jimmy: [just walking & hand holding] Janis: [when you've gotta swing it like he's a child so this isn't too serious] Jimmy: ['thought we'd covered I weren't 5' but again no real pisstake happening] Janis: ['what are you then?'] Jimmy: ['what do you mean?'] Janis: [shrugs, 'vague for a reason, meant to interpret, artsy boy'] Jimmy: [shrugs back 'I ain't in art class now and you ain't signed up to it'] Janis: ['alright, comfortable silence it is then'] Jimmy: [more walking and hand holding nbd] Janis: ['can't believe you drank it all though, twat'] Jimmy: ['sorry' but 😏 'you can have more when we get back' not soz about sacrificing your stash Ian 'can't knock drink & a puppy, mate'] Janis: [lols and nudges him with her shoulder 'stop being so fucking creepy!'] Jimmy: ['only way to keep you at arms length that' but a LOOK cos we all know he don't wanna and hasn't gotten over the kiss yet either] Janis: ['oh, please' rolls her eyes but is 😳 'I'm only walking you home to be a gentleman, you're the one inviting me in'] Jimmy: ['I reckon its pretty gentlemanly of me not to leave you to sleep in a park, but if you wanna go back that bad, go on'] Janis: ['It's not a big deal, like' looks at him like he's being so drama but still amused enough 'let's get you in first, yeah'] Jimmy: ['I can get myself in, not that pissed, girl' starts walking ahead like he's gonna prove himself with that, okay boy] Janis: [catches up easily, obvs, 'yeah I walked all this way for you to strop off, come on'] Jimmy: ['why did you?'] Janis: ['what do you mean?'] Jimmy: [I mean what I said, why come with me?'] Janis: ['cos you were clearly lost and I'm not that much of a dick that I'll just let you wander 'round 'til morning, like'] Jimmy: ['it's not a big deal, so you reckon'] Janis: ['Well, I weren't lost, it's different'] Jimmy: ['you weren't no safer, same bollocks really'] Janis: ['Yeah I was, I know my way around here, who to avoid, all that'] Jimmy: [lights a 🚬 cos letting that drop when you know you can't win 'do you even wanna come?' needy boy alert] Janis: ['do you want me to?' when he's already answered this and you're suddenly him like ???] Jimmy: ['do you wanna?'] Janis: ['I mean, yeah, if it's alright, why not'] Jimmy: [when you just pass her the 🚬 cos yeah its obvs alright with him] Janis: [big ole drag] Jimmy: [when you've got no reason to go back to hand holding but you just wanna so you take hers this time] Janis: [looks but doesn't comment] Jimmy: [we walking lads] Janis: [please try to be quiet when you arrive, like] Jimmy: [they so shouldn't be though cos then Bobby can wake up & cockblock them lol] Janis: [good idea, let that happen] Jimmy: [start as we mean to go on cos he's always doing it down the line] Janis: night Jimmy: I don't get a good one then? Janis: probably not Janis: not got loads of youngers but that's how that goes, yeah? Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: lullabies work better Janis: even I know that Jimmy: Pete ain't here to sing for us and I'm not looking to traumatise the kid Janis: 💔 Janis: we all wish Pete was here Jimmy: Slide into his DMs Jimmy: sure he'd pick you up, mate Janis: at this o'clock Janis: and this wasted Janis: rather hit up the park again Jimmy: Go on then Janis: rude Janis: you said i could crash here Jimmy: you can Jimmy: you're the one 💔 by your lack of better offers Jimmy: I already knew it was shit here Janis: tonight is just like any other night Janis: nothing personal Jimmy: alright, rich girl Jimmy: got it Janis: what do you get Jimmy: your bollocks little memo there Janis: I dunno what you're chatting Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: helpful Janis: night then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what times your dad likely to get up Jimmy: what time is it now? Janis: [some late into the AM time] Jimmy: you might get 7 hours Jimmy: if you piss off to sleep now Janis: we'll call it 6 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: longer if he's got a mrs in there Jimmy: probably will do Janis: well don't reckon I'll stay around to say hello to her either, like Jimmy: I've got work in a bit, go when I leave if you want Janis: long as its you that wakes up to me here I ain't arsed Jimmy: 👌 Janis: sorted Jimmy: 😘😘😘😘 Janis: Piss off 😏 Jimmy: say the sweetest things to me, you Janis: you want sweet I'll go public, like Jimmy: on you go then Janis: [posts something cringe-inducing on his timeline] Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: [replies obvs but there's a flirty undertone that's real af] Janis: [just lowkey flirting this is why y'all get confused[ Jimmy: [stop but don't ever thank you] Janis: how did you do this for real Janis: it's so gross Jimmy: I didn't do all the #s and bollocks Jimmy: It weren't like this Janis: Fair Janis: you don't have to be this level of cringe, I guess Jimmy: you wanna scale it back? Janis: nah Janis: what we need to do Janis: playing to a dense audience Jimmy: 👍 Janis: it ain't real if you don't shove it down everyone's throats Janis: and even then Jimmy: how you paddys do it Jimmy: well #extra Janis: dunno about that Janis: maybe Jimmy: everythings !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: even speak like it Janis: fuck off do I speak like that Janis: just 'cos it takes you 10 years to finish a sentence Jimmy: that's just me Jimmy: don't wanna talk to none of you, like Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: nowt personal, as you said Janis: what do i care Janis: don't speak to anyone either if i can avoid it Jimmy: I noticed Janis: and what Jimmy: why I picked you for this Jimmy: one of the reasons Janis: gwan then Jimmy: ? Janis: don't pussy out Janis: what are the others Jimmy: to be unlocked Janis: ugh Janis: fuck off Jimmy: alright Jimmy: in a bit Janis: 🙄 Janis: okay Jimmy: isn't Jimmy: #obvs Janis: is Janis: you got to sleep Janis: just didn't know you were such a cocktease Jimmy: could be a kink for all you know Jimmy: which is nowt Janis: no, I'm a know-it-all remember Jimmy: that's how you reckon you are, not how it is, Jillian Janis: bollocks Jimmy: you've got my name and where I'm from 'cause my voice fits Jimmy: nowt else Janis: if you want people to leave you alone, drop the fit and mysterious bit Janis: everyone knows my business and no one fucks with me much Janis: easy Jimmy: yeah so easy you've had to get me to be your fake love interest Janis: no one knows everything they reckon they do Janis: just straightening some things out, literally Jimmy: Punny Janis: Hilarious too Janis: I remember, even if you're hazy Jimmy: vaguely threatening, who said romance was 💀💀? Janis: you will be tomorrow Janis: not a threat, literal facts at this point Jimmy: I'll live Jimmy: there's your day's disappointment ✔ Janis: sweet that you're getting a head start there Janis: but whether you live or die has no influence on me either way 😘 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: cute tho Jimmy: so everyone keeps telling me Janis: 😂 Janis: loving the confidence Jimmy: I got that from you, yeah Jimmy: love you too, girl Janis: that's a photo caption if I ever heard one Janis: remember Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: [comes to get a glass of water as if that's remotely gonna help & you aren't shameless boy] Janis: [casual hissing like 'you could've fucking warned me' 'cos died thinking it was someone else lol] Jimmy: ['You had me topless earlier, I didn't reckon you'd need one' such a dickhead and so 😏 sipping his water thinking about those bodyshots] Janis: [throws a pillow at him like this isn't someone else's house have some manners] Jimmy: [is all faux offended like oi rude but comes and puts the pillow back instead of throwing it like it's not just a shameless excuse to sit down near her] Janis: ['you got manners now?'] Jimmy: ['now?' an eyebrow raise 'I got you a bottle when you wanted one, what's better manners?'] Janis: ['STOLE but you know, guess you've got me there' 😏] Jimmy: ['Duh, got you right where I want you, that creeper, me'] Janis: ['said that was to keep me away so piss poor job, if you ask me'] Jimmy: ['I also said there'd be a puppy but do you see her? Nah, full of shit this dickhead'] Janis: [gasps dramatically but quietly lol] Jimmy: [when you're trying not to smile cos she a cute nerd but you fail cos you drunk and amused] Janis: ['did you lie about the sweets too?'] Jimmy: [gets up, gets sweets and throws them at her but more softly than usual like into her lap as he sits back down cos be quiet boy] Janis: [looks at him like okay 'one outta two ain't bad, like' and offers him some] Jimmy: [shrugs 'if you want me to wake my sister an' all, I'll get the dog' takes a lollipop cos 1. they take ages to eat and he wants to stay 2. he's a saucy bitch] Janis: ['nah, you're alright' 'when you now distracted af, 'scuse you] Jimmy: [when you're trying to give her a look like yeah I knew you didn't want Twix that bad but you're just giving her a LOOK cos blatant] Janis: [when you take the lolly like you really wanted it okay bitch] Jimmy: [when you should care but you're the one who's distracted af now] Janis: [pass it back like it's a smoke or a bottle] Jimmy: [these flirty nerds] Janis: [ze tension] Jimmy: [so much eye contact when he's not shamelessly looking at her mouth, boy please] Janis: ['what?' 'cos always] Jimmy: [repeats it back cos always] Janis: [she can initiate it this time] Jimmy: [give them some good making out time before I ruin it like a rude bitch] Janis: [then you gotta run girl run[ Jimmy: [my vibe is like he name drops cos he wants to slow things down cos SO INTO IT & fucking on his sofa rn having to be really quiet in the dark is not an ideal mood for many a reason so her name comes out cos that whole relationship was hot mess express full of mistakes not cos he's still really into that northern lass but obvs not getting the chance to explain cos it looks how it looks] Janis: [I feel it] Jimmy: [you better hope she don't remember this boy cos it seems like you were really into it and wanna get back with your ex] Janis: [mhmm but she won't obvs just remember she left for a reason so awks] Jimmy: [take that over calling her the most northern name ever that don't begin with J, no styling that out as bants] Jimmy: [when you can't even go after her or make the attempt cos what are you gonna say?] Janis: [that's that on that, like to think mcvickers live nearby so she doesn't need to stay out/go home home rn] Jimmy: [I'll allow it, stay safe thank you children]

[seekandsekkle]

Happy Full Moon in Sagittarius Family.

The Moon: This energy is like walking into a ratchet reality tv episode. We got this Sag Moon lounging around complaining and worrying while doing nothing and everything is due. Then Gemini walks in doing so much talking without looking and gets knocked head first into a wall. While the Sag Moon looks on and laughs then the Eclipse slides in and steals the show with some knock down drag out display of fuckery that won't allow you to do anything else but get tight and right so your life is not this shit show episode. Lunar Eclipses bring chaos into the universe. The purpose of that chaos is to shake you out of the complacency you tend to fall into when you get too comfortable with the bullshit. We ain't got time for that so that means we get this all star lineup. Sag the Archer is getting its bow and arrow ready to deal with all the old shit showing up due to the retrograde, then you have Gemini the grand communicator cooking up conversations that need to be had so healing can occur or freedom can be obtained. Mr. Eclipse is pulling you and your emotions to the darkside so you can get to the roots of some of your core issues...or at least look at them....acknowledge them at the very least cause you could easily get dragged for taking your shit out on everybody because you refuse to do the work on yourself. All funny bits aside we gotta pay attention to the feeling coming up but wait to react. Some of these feelings are parts of old stories we created about ourselves that are not true or they are old paradigms that have shifted on their side but you are still on the previous page. You will never know what people are currently thinking or feeling if you haven't asked. Assumptions get us in a lot of trouble. This is a rough time for everyone in some way or a challenging time. You have no idea what someone is struggling with so be mindful and compassionate about that. Hell be compassionate to ya' got damn self. You've been struggling too, sad too, fucked up in some way too. How would you want folks to respond, how would you like to be cared for?

The Ritual: This Moon and Eclipse ask us to honor the divine feminine. We are still in the mode of honoring the sacred mother, the mothership, the portal of life, the vagina, the womb, the creatrix that gives us access to this world. She is divine and she is worthy of honor and praise. If you are bleeding we honor you and thank you . If you are ovulating we honor you and thank you. If you are deeply emotional we honor you and thank you. If you are activated and excited we honor you and thank you, If you are conceiving we honor you and thank you. If you are in the middle of birth we honor you and thank you. We honor the divine feminine within us regardless of identity. It is the energy of this earth and we must recognize ourselves in her and honor what is sacred. Light a white or pink candle for her, state what you want to release. Breathe in and exhale deeply holding your womb or your belly and feel the energy of the great mother. Thank her humbly.

The Tea: (read the sign for your sun, moon and rising to get the most out of this tea)

Aries - You ready for something new...life, job, career, path, religion, teacher...something ain't been working and you are finally ready to make it happen. You wanna feel good, feel like you are progressing at something. Now is the time. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on your fears,especially when it comes to your fame or lack thereof. You are afraid to get under that spotlight due to the past. Just know things can be different this time, believe in yourself.

Taurus - Being avoidant won't make the things go away, it just makes a bigger mess to clean up later. Lets get ahead of the shit this time and just face it all head on. I know this ain't how you like it but trust me its better this way. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on beliefs. Everything you have understood to this point could be actually different and you may begin to see the truth for the first time on some things and this may shake you up a bit. You will really see how truth can set you free on ideas and beliefs that no longer serve you.

Gemini - You have been everything for everybody and now you need the care you give, the love you give, the service you provide. You are gonna sit this one out and go inward yet again. Have several seats and get your list of boundaries so you are not overdoing and hurting yourself in the process. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on personal power or lack of thereof. Somewhere in there you forgot who the fuck you are. It's time to remember you are a dynamic, divine being. Accept your greatness and move on.

Cancer - This moon energy has thrown a wrench in all of your plans. The goal was to help you see that you can be your biggest enemy. You make choices sometimes that pull you away from all the blessings you have in your hands. You may lose some things so that you may learn to appreciate some things. I know it feels frustrating because everything was going so well and then it all derailed....Let this be looked at as divine intervention umkay. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your relationships how you manage them and who you have them with. You may have a hard time listening to your gut during this cycle. Get some guidance for once you could gain some insight that gets you back on track to winning.

Leo - Trying to create with others is not the way to go this moon cycle. You will have miscommunications and misunderstandings and who knows what else. You got some good ideas but at the wrong time. Wait it out and once Mercury goes direct try again. This Eclipse is casting its light on ya mouth. Watch what you say and to whom. Don't get caught up in drama or gossip it will backfire yo ass so swift you will think you got hit,

Virgo - The world is trying to tell you to slow and steady wins the race but you ain't been listening. Do you okay but just know that this tendency to think you know better will show you exactly where you went wrong when it's too late. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on the details. Make sure you check your mail, email, messages, schedules so you don't overbook, underbook or double book ya self. Be extra Virgo about all this stuff so you don't have too many "Doh" moments

Libra - You trying to fly out the nest but you need to settle for a Staycation cause this retrograde energy will mess up all your plans. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your temper. This is a great time for breathwork, grounding and following the way of the peaceful warrior cause you aint gon' win none of the fights you find yourself in.

Scorpio - Hold on to ya coins. This ain't the time to sign the deal. This retrograde energy will have you regretting all the decisions you make right now, While you wait you can use this time dreaming, creating, or making money instead of spending money. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your feelings. Ima tell this heaux to leave you alone and let you be. It's too much for you anyway. This is not a time when I'm gonna tell you to go deep into that scary darkness. This time ima let you turn a night light on while you focus on some unexpected blessing falling out the sky for you.

Sagittarius - Out with the old in with the new. New you boo boo. Since you are changing and growing, so are your needs, hopes and dreams. This could also factor in your need to change you who fucking with.  Everybody can't come where you are growing, they won't fit in the car nor the life you are dreaming to have. It's ok you won't miss them when you're happy doing something or someone else. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your communication especially with people you're romantically connected to. If you are booed up check in on thangs so you stay that way.

Capricorn - Hey Cappy this moon will have all your shit fucked up...ok that was dramatic as hell and you didn't deserve that but if I said it nicely you wouldn't take me seriously.  You can be practical and go over all meeting details 100 times. I say surrender to the bitch and just blame everything on the retrograde. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your transformation. You've been doing some work on yourself, now it is a good time to do an assessment of these changes and chart your progress. Shift somethings if its needed

Aquarius - Your path is the way of the solo wanderer. Your best magic is done in the privacy of your own space, cooking up a good meal and spending time with the emotions no one knows you have.  The Eclipse is casting its shadow on the drama brewing with the comrades. Your job is to whistle and walk on by when the bullshit starts flying around. You can try some comic relief to lighten up the mood or you can simply let the bomb go off after you have left the building of course.

Pisces - Playing small won't get you nothing at all. You are a Boss so embrace it. This is a great time to release some old feelings of worthiness, imposter syndrome of just lack of confidence. You got this, believe me. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your homegirl/boy crew.  Some people aint gon' make it on your new team and let that be ok. We tend to grow apart from folks when we start doing the work. Misery wants company but evolution wants the light.

Extra Tea 

Weed Strains for your sign. Puff Good

Make yourself some good ass Moon Water. Set a full jar of spring water (lid on) in the Moon light and let this energy charge it up. Harvest before daybreak. Drink it for a charge, bath in it for a cleanse, give it to your plants for a blessing.

This is a Super Moon and this Eclipse has taken the energy to another level. We could use some help so I recommend charging up your Blue Lace Agate. This stone will help you manage the Geminis Sun and Sagittarius Moon energy since together they could have you combobulated. Blue Lace Agate is good for helping you get your thoughts together, it will help you pull those repressed feelings to the surface so you can release them. I appreciate the way it helps me stand firm in my truth...whatever truth that is in the moment. This is a perfect stone to use when you need help activating your throat chakra. If you don't already have some now would be a good time to getchoo some.

Created for Moon Tes Subscribers. Get the tea in your inbox twice a month. Send me a message and ill sign you up.

Bushmama Africa

Multidisciplinary Artist, Curator, Workshop Facilitator

Spiritual Life Coach, Intuitive Astrologist

Culture Preservationist, Sex Trafficking Abolitionist

[punkscowardschampions]

Tess & Ali

Tess: I need you to look after your brother this afternoon. A few hours max. Ali: Can't Bea and Fraze do it? Where's Ro? Tess: They could but I'm asking you. Ro can help if you insist Ali: Fine, how long do I have to get back Tess: How long do you need? Ali: An hour should do it Tess: You've got 30 minutes Tess: Nowhere you should be takes longer than that Ali: I mean, you're the one asking me, mama Ali: leave the key in the plant pot if you must, I wouldn't trust him unattended personally but Tess: You and I both know I'm not asking, Ali. Tess: Be home in 30 minutes or less if you know what's good for you Tess: I can't leave until you show up Ali: I'll bike as fast as my little legs can carry me Ali: Sir yes Sir! Tess: Get your girlfriend to give you a lift if you're that far from home Tess: She can come in, she knows she's welcome Ali: About that Ali: I've gone solo ✌ Tess: Alright Tess: Anything we need to talk about? Ali: How to get rid of a body? Tess: Good one Ali: Thank you thank you very much Tess: Ain't mad you're single, but I did like her Ali: Aww, she liked you too, dollface Ali: Single, mingling, living the dream Tess: You'd bike faster if you stopped taking the piss Ali: ain't how I was raised babe Tess: Not your babe Ali: I get it, you only got eyes for Marlene Ali: bit rude but there we go Tess: You've done worse, kid Tess: Weren't gonna have eyes for Ronan, was I Ali: Its the shit ink, ain't it? Ali: Art snob 😉 Tess: 'Course Tess: What other complaints could a mother, or self respecting woman, have, like Ali: are you accusing me of having no self-respect? Ali: i'll have you know i think very highly of myself Ali: too highly if you ask my teachers Tess: Hence you had your own complaints about him Tess: Your da is gonna wanna give you a chat now you're single again, hurry home so you don't miss that, yeah? Ali: maybe I'll bring my new squeeze to meet the parents Ali: shut him up, have you pining, polishing a picture of Lene like Tess: You reckoned you were solo a minute ago Tess: How long's this ride home? Ali: You know Ali: I work fast Tess: Anyone I'm gonna to need to run checks on? Tess: Or do more than stare daggers at Ali: 🙄 That's illegal, or at the very least, highly frowned upon Ali: Don't you love the surprise? Tess: I'm joking, bab Tess: And you know I ain't loved a surprise since Rocky Tess: Especially yours Ali: 😘 its not Ronan doing a rerun Ali: everything's coming up roses, yeah? Tess: I'll take that Ali: high five Ali: just finding my shorts Tess: I'm not asking why you need a full scale search Tess: I'd rather not know Ali: Your loss, s'a great story Tess: Save it for the next bonfire Tess: Your da would love that Ali: 💚 Someone in this fam needs to appreciate my comedy genius Tess: Your little brother will if you ever get your arse here Tess: Do you want food ordered before I go? Ali: Can always rely on his toilet humour Ali: Hmm Ali: Hold on Ali: Get us pizza, pleaseeeeeeee Tess: your new love ain't veggie are they? Tess: Rock wants nothing but meat and cheese, of course Ali: Nah Ali: 1 meat feast for the carnivore kids, me and Ro can share a veggie Ali: assuming she's there Tess: She is, but she said she didn't want anything Tess: Save her some though Ali: 👌 Tess: Whoever you wanna bring is fine, but check in with her, yeah? She's quiet even for her this summer Ali: Duh, of course Ali: Maybe we'll go out Ali: on the town, see a show Tess: I'd love to see your brother last 5 minutes Tess: Won't even go cinema when its 3d Ali: 😂 lock him in a cage and call it a night Ali: well, I'll think of something fun for all the fam, Ro included, don't worry Tess: Thanks Tess: I'll leave extra money in the hiding place he hasn't found yet Tess: You remember which one, yeah? Ali: trade you a clue for a song Ali: or anything else within reason Tess: Do you actually need a clue? Ali: I'm not on my best alright Ali: was a night Tess: Then you're fine to stay in with Ro tonight Tess: She'll be chuffed Ali: are we not asking again mother? Ali: sounds good though Tess: Not as much of a slug as you reckoned Ali: just using my allotted half an hour effectively Ali: only 10 mins away, like Ali: do I know how to misdirect or what haha Tess: Do you want me to make myself scarce when your soon to be ex comes in or what? Tess: I can use the 10 minutes to hide and sneak Ali: How rude Ali: This is so serious Ali: pick out your fanciest hat Tess: I'm not trying to be accused of being the one to scare them away Tess: Alright, but none of the beanies of my youth were in a fit state to be kept boxed up the loft so I'm gonna need more warning Ali: Yeah, don't actually tah, kill my street cred stone cold with your hilarious parent antics 🙄 Ali: ooh, we can go hat shopping, fun, won't that be a treat for you mumsie? 😘 Tess: That's what Ro's for. I ain't trying to break my no shopping with you rule for some sham marriage Ali: 💔 Ali: I know you're hurting but there's no need to be cruel Ali: Wish I was bringing back some 50 year old biker with a beard and tats now Ali: your 1950s housewife brain is gonna be so underwhelmed Tess: Well I wish you were in your room all summer like your sister but we can't always get what we want Ali: Preach it, Mick Ali: but you know you don't really Tess: I know I just said it Tess: Already wasting my breath don't need to waste my words like Ali: 🤐 Ali: you love the drama Ali: where would you be without me Tess: I know if you were here I'd be out of this house already Tess: I'd love that Ali: I'm coming Ali: keep ya wig on Ali: I'm within the time limit still Tess: keep it moving and you will be Tess: and put your bike away for Christ's sake Ali: 😂 Ali: i reckon if it was my bike vs your tin wagon, my bike would come out on top Ali: like my odds Tess: In a race, probably, in a game of chicken, nah Ali: the way you drive, you'd probably miss 😉 Tess: Good thing you've got your bike and your two feet then, ain't it Ali: So mean Ali: how are YOU more capable of operating a motor vehicle than me? unfair Tess: You'll get your shot soon Ali: can't wait Ali: then you'll never know where i am 😈 Tess: Watch it, kid, that's a while off but my wrath need not be Ali: yeah yeah yeah Ali: hope the pizza gets here first Ali: hank i am Tess: as a death row meal goes you could've been more extravagant Ali: you know, thinking of the mess when i exit my bowels Ali: always thinking of you, ma Tess: Cheers Ali: prepared some cracking final words tho Ali: 'course Tess: Expected nothing less like