#I adore this video. truly! it showed what I’ve been dreaming about for the past few weeks mm

[pinkmirth]

pov: me as southern reiner’s wife! ♡︎

[whatwillyoudodifferently]

Look, Louts! Lilies! - Yuri For A Hope-Flung Present and Hopeful Future

Look, I’ll be frank. I typically try to keep to a more formal tone when I write for this blog. I’m not in a formal mood. It is June October 2020, and I, like the rest of you, have been under quarantine for a little over three almost seven months now due to the Covid-19 virus. Throw in a eensy, teensy bit of massive political movements and change in response to police violence and racism, and an increase of police violence and racism in response to those movements, and I think it’s fair to say it’s been a tumultuous couple of months. Except, strangely, it also hasn’t been, because so much of this time has been characterized by ennui and isolation. Stressful, yet soul-numbing. In short, it’s been a very weird place to be in.

So, we’ve all found our different ways to cope. My sister’s way has been getting really into succulents(?), and my way has been buying digital manga and video games. I’ve finished stuff I’ve put off for literal years and bought stuff I had heard was good but wasn’t that hyped to get into. And somehow, the one thing I’ve really gotten into has been yuri? 

Now, yuri has a very long and rich history, as well as its own sets of conventions and nuances, so it is with a great, great, GREAT deal of respect that I say that I’m going to simplify it for this essay as “Japanese media with a particular focus on romance between women” for brevity’s sake. If you want to know more, there’s actually quite a lot that’s been written about it in English, but I’m aiming this essay at English-speakers who have had at least a little experience with yuri and more than just passing knowledge.

Because you see, I’ve found that yuri fans have a lot of things to say about yuri! And a lot of those things really bug me!! “Yuri is only fetish quasi-porn written by men,” “yuri is only bland wholesome fluff,” “yuri is only high school drama,” so on, so on. It made me mad, but it also made me realize something: a lot of people simply must not know how big this field of lilies truly is! How else can we get people saying “yuri is oversexualized” and “yuri is sexless” as gospel truth? Something’s not adding up here, guys!

So, all that is to say I’m doing something different for this blog: I’m writing up a recommendation list of yuri. A large chunk of it will be stuff I’ve read and can officially give my seal of approval to, while some of them are just titles I’ve heard of that I think will interest others. All of them have been specifically chosen to counter common untrue things I’ve heard about yuri as a whole. I hope you can find at least a few things on this list that you will enjoy and help you keep your head as the encroaching darkness lurches yet a few inches closer!

1. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s the sci-fi, the period pieces, the action, the fantasy?”

Otherside Picnic

What It Is: A light novel series written by Iori Miyazawa (illustrated by shirakaba). Ongoing, four volumes at time of writing. The story is being adapted into a manga by Eita Mizuno, and an anime adaptation directed by Takuya Satou will be airing in January 2021.

What It’s About: It was on her third trip to the Otherside that Sorawo Kamikoshi almost died, and it was on that same trip she was saved by an angel. Toriko Nishina is a beautiful and confident young woman who also happens to have intimate knowledge of the Otherside, a dangerous yet captivating world that Sorawo can’t help but being drawn to. Toriko convinces Sorawo to join her on her expeditions to the Otherside, fighting off bizarre creatures that have somehow been ripped out of Japanese urban legends and finding strange artifacts in order to make a little extra cash-- all the while keeping an eye out for someone dear to Toriko’s heart.

What I Think: Otherside Picnic is heavily inspired by the novel Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky and features several creatures and scenarios from ghost stories, net lore, and-- there’s no other way to put this-- creepypasta. On paper this sounds deeply unoriginal, so it’s pretty surprising that OP has an incredibly strong identity. The idea of fusing horror with a yuri love story excited me enough the moment I heard about it, so when I finally got to read it for myself, I was delighted to find that the horror elements and the romance elements are both quite strong. 

I will say that thanks to the author’s commitment to following his sources of inspiration to the letter sometimes causes him to undercut his own writing (good example: in one arc there’s an ominous train that keeps being mentioned, causing the reader to dread its arrival with each passing page, but seeing what’s on the train will inevitably fall flat in comparison to the reader’s imagination), but those moments are made up by the more original moments-- the things that are left unseen and unexplained.

The place where the story truly shines is the relationship between the two leads. Sorawo and Toriko are great characters, both incredibly charming and deeply flawed, and they achieve a great chemistry with each other right off the bat. Sorawo is a very interesting protagonist, one who turns out to have a deeply tragic past that has made her into a reclusive, somewhat selfish young woman. What’s great is that Toriko, vivacious and confident, everything Sorawo isn’t, accepts this part of her, in a way. Toriko flat out admits she’s not looking for a particularly virtuous person to accompany her, but an “accomplice.” A big part of the appeal of OP is seeing these two “accomplices” bounce off each other, and eventually come to care about each other, all playing against a background of some genuinely spine-crawling horror. Otherside Picnic is a truly underrated series, and I deeply hope that the anime adaption next year will finally get it all the eyes it deserves (menacing phrasing very much intended).

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores. The manga will be published by Square Enix Books starting May 2021. The anime will start airing on January 4th, 2021.

Goodbye My Rose Garden

What It Is: A manga by Dr. Pepperco. Three volumes, complete. It inspired a stage play that ran for a while in Japan, but not much information is available about it in English. 

What It’s About: Hanako has two goals: to meet Victor Franks, the mysterious author who pens the books she adores, and to become a writer herself. Despite having the mettle to travel to England on her own to pursue her dreams, she soons finds that it’s difficult for a young, unwed Japanese woman to dream in 20th century London. However, her luck seems to turn around when she meets Alice Douglas, a noblewoman who offers her a job as her maid-- as well as a surprisingly warm friendship. Alice even offers Hanako a way to meet her idol… but at the price of a horrifying request.

What I Think: In the afterword of Volume 1, Dr. Pepperco openly admits that Goodbye, My Rose Garden was the result of them trying to marry all of their favorite tropes (“Victorian maids! Loads of frills! An English family manor!” are some standout items), and this is apparent in the best way possible. GMRG is a lush period piece that will likely appeal to fans of movies like The Handmaiden and Portrait Of A Lady On Fire, with loving attention paid to details like clothes and settings. 

The relationship between Alice and Hanako is quite charming, with Alice supporting Hanako as much as she can while still taking every available opportunity to tease her, while Hanako constantly surprises Alice each time she shows her moxie and strength. It’s an adorable, sweet dynamic, yet a dark, melancholy weight lurks in the background in the form of Alice’s request-- in short, it’s a relationship that feels tailor made for me. Still, I believe this “darkness” never threatens to overwhelm the story, only enhance it in such a way that the reader will soldier on, hoping for a happy ending for our two leads. With an engaging plot and gorgeous art, this is a great manga for both longtime yuri fans and newcomers looking for an introduction to the world of yuri.

Where To Get It: Seven Seas Entertainment has translated the first two volumes, with the final one coming to English soon all three volumes into English.

Seabed

What It Is: A visual novel by paleontology, a Japanese doujin circle.

What It’s About: Mizuno Sachiko is a designer who is haunted by visions of Takako, her vivacious childhood friend and former lover. Narasaki Hibiki is a psychiatrist who wants to help Sachiko make sense of these hallucinations. Takako is… confused, trying to figure out why she keeps losing her memory and why she and Sachiko drifted apart despite being so close. Seabed is a story that spans the pasts and presents of these three women as they attempt to find and understand the truth.

What I Think: At first glance, Seabed seems simple, but it’s a bit of a hard story to explain. In a way, there isn’t much to explain-- it’s a very slow, down-to-earth story that gets almost tedious at times. I think it would be a hard sell to someone who isn’t used to visual novels, but I could imagine it being challenging even for fans. All I’ll say is this: if you give Seabed a chance, it will draw you into a surreal, gentle, melancholy tale akin to slowly sinking beneath the water of a strange, yet not unfriendly sea. For its simplicity, it’s got quite a few surprises in its long, long runtime, and any attempt to explain further will just ruin an experience that’s meant to wash over the reader over time. The only thing I’ll say is the one thing I think everyone knows: the climax will make you cry.

Where To Get It: Seabed is published in English through Fruitbat Factory and is available on Steam, Itch.io, and Nintendo Switch.

SHWD

What It Is: A manga by Sono. Ongoing.

What It’s About: Sawada is one of the few women working for the Special Hazardous Waste Disposal, and the only one in her office. But that changes when the stunningly-strong yet staggeringly-sweet Koga is hired, and the two become close in no time. Sawada trains Koga and soon the two go on their first mission to dispose of the “hazardous waste” left after a recent war… the dangerous, organic anti-human weapons known as the Dynamis.

What I Think: SHWD opens with several close-ups of Sawada’s arm muscles as she works out. I have found that page alone is sometimes enough to convince someone to read SHWD, and if not, pictures of Sawada and-- especially-- Koga are often enough to do the job. In all seriousness, what I love about SHWD can be summarized by something Sono said in an interview about the manga:

‘The first motivating force was "I want to write a yuri manga featuring strong women." I was very drawn to strong female characters by watching "PERSON of INTEREST" and "Assassin's Creed Odyssey." However, I felt that I should differentiate myself by doing something other than a "strong woman" and "weak woman" dynamic. So, I thought about coupling women with different types of strength. This is why all of the SHWD main characters are "strong women."’

It’s a mindset I love a lot. Koga is remarkably strong in a physical sense, but her mental fortitude is fragile due to her past experiences with the Dynamis, and as such, it’s Sawada who uses her immense mental strength to support her. Indeed, every character in SHWD so far bears intense trauma born of the Dynamis in some way, and it’s hard to see how their pasts still hurt them in the present. But that just makes it satisfying to see these women come together to support one another. SHWD drew me in with a unique and often dark action-oriented story with horror elements, but it’s this idea of “strong women” who make up for each other’s weaknesses that really makes it dear to me. 

Also, it can’t be stated enough that Sono is so so so so so (etc) good at drawing muscular women. 

On a completely unrelated note, there’s a side story about Koga and Sawada playing sports together. This includes judo. I am saying this for no reason.

Where To Get It: The English translation of the manga is released in chapters by Lilyka Manga.

Sexiled: My Sexist Party Leader Kicked Me Out, So I Teamed Up With a Mythical Sorceress!

What It Is: A two volume light novel series by Ameko Kaeruda, illustrated by Kazutomo Miya. Possibly complete.

What It’s About: Tanya Artemiciov is an absurdly talented Mage. So why the hell was she kicked out of her adventuring party? Her leader and former friend sums it up in four words: “You’re a woman, Tanya.” In a fit of rage, Tanya channels her anger into a “venting” session that involves swearing her head of and casting a volley of Explosion spells into the wasteland… and accidentally releases a legendary sorceress! Luckily, Laplace is actually quite nice, and just as powerful as the legends say, so the two decide to team up so Tanya can have her revenge!

What I Think: So, this is a silly one, but after a couple of darker entries I think it’s a good palate cleanser. Sexiled is a loud, not-even-remotely subtle, unabashedly feminist take on the “power fantasy” light novel, especially the “revenge fantasy” subgenre-- and even if that sounds awesome on paper to you (ex. me), it will probably feel over-the-top at times to you (ex. me). But in a way, that’s actually kind of its charm. 

I like that Kaeruda utterly refuses to let up on what she wants to tell you, especially because the story was inspired by a real case in Japan. One may be tempted to think “this story is ridiculous, no one would ever be this cartoonishly sexist!” and then you read a news article about how in a famous Japanese medical university was found rigging the test scores of women, and you realize, “oh, people are still this cartoonishly sexist.” So I’m fine with Kaeruda letting it all out in this story. At the same time, I think Sexiled is best when it’s focused not on Tanya’s revenge but on her kindness, and the way her compassion, her strength, and yes, her anger inspires the women and girls around her. 

Sexiled is a fun and often very funny romp about assholes getting theirs, with some surprisingly deep and nuanced moments hiding in a very unsubtle story.

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

BONUS: Other titles with sci-fi/fantasy/action elements that may interest you!

The Blank Of Describer: A one-shot manga by kkzt about a pair of two dream-builders. They’ve taken all kinds of commissions in the past, but one job they recieve throws them for a loop: a request for a shinigami that can predict and report death. And then comes the kicker: the customer asks the two of them to give it features that the both of them “adore the most…” (Published in English by Lilyka Manga)

A Lily Blooms In Another World: A light novel by Ameko Kaeruda (illustrated by Shio Sakura), author of Sexiled, about Miyako, a Japanese wage slave reincarnated into another world based on her favorite otome game. However, she’s not interested in her would-be love interest, but in Fuuka Hamilton-- the game’s villainess! After Miyako confesses her love, Fuuka decides to give her a challenge: if Miyako can make her say the words “I’m happy” in fourteen days, she’ll stay by her side! (Published in English through J-Novel Club, available on various platforms)

Superwomen In Love: An ongoing manga by sometime about the sentai villainess Honey Trap and her infatuation with the masked superheroine Rapid Rabbit. After being kicked out of her evil organization, Honey Trap decides to team up with her former nemesis to fight evil-- and hopefully, find romance! (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in April 2021)

2. “Yuri is all stories about teenagers! Where’s the stuff about adults?”

Take a look at the previous section: there’s the stuff about adults! Otherside Picnic, Goodbye My Rose Garden, Seabed, SHWD, Sexiled, The Blank of Describer, A Lily Blooms In Another World, and Superwomen In Love are all stories with adult-aged protagonists! But if you’re searching for a more down-to-earth romance, I’m happy to report there’s quite a bit of options to look into!

Still Sick

What It Is: A manga by Akashi. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: Makoto Shimizu is an office lady with a secret: she’s a yuri fan who draws doujinshi. She’s able to keep her two lives separate, all until the day she comes face-to-face with her co-worker at a convention! To Makoto’s horror, Akane Maekawa is amused by her nerdy secret, but Akane may have some secrets of her own...

What I Think: This one was a roller coaster for me: I loved the premise of the manga, but wasn’t sure about the dynamic between the leads… that is, until near the end of the first volume, where something happened and everything changed. Without giving too much away, I implore people to give Still Sick a chance-- it has a much deeper story than one might initially guess, as well as an interesting character dynamic between the two leads with some surprising turns.

Where To Get It: The first two volumes of Still Sick are published in English by Tokyopop, with the final one coming soon All three volumes have been published in English by Tokyopop.

After Hours

What It Is: A manga by Yuhta Nishio. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: After being ditched by her friend at a club, Emi Ashiana is ready to write the whole night off. All that changes when she meets Kei, a DJ who seems to be everything Emi is not-- cool, confident… employed.... But Kei and Emi hit it off and Emi’s life changes as Kei draws her into the world of Japan’s club scene!

What I Think: It’s hard to explain exactly why I like this manga, but I reeeeally like this manga. 

There’s just something about the sleek art, the amazing atmosphere of the scenes set in nightclubs, the chemistry between Emi and Kei, the focus on more mature topics.... it’s a manga that’s remarkably magnetic for how down-to-earth it is. It’s also just interesting to read stories about subcultures that don’t normally get a spotlight in comics. To sum it up, After Hours is just a lovely manga that’s severely underrated that’s perfect for someone who’s looking for a story that’s both fun and mature.

Where To Get It: All three volumes are published in English by Viz Media.

How Do We Relationship?

What It Is: A manga by Tamifull. Ongoing, five volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Miwa and Saeko’s first meeting is… interesting. But despite that, and despite their clashing personalities, the two of them become fast friends. Well… actually, perhaps more than friends. You see, pretty soon the two of them learn that the other is into women. With that in mind, Saeko suggests they try dating each other-- might as well, right? “Might as well” seems like a strange place to begin a relationship, but perhaps even something like that could end in true love?

What I Think: “Why do romances always end when they decide to start dating?!” That’s the question Tamifull poses in the afterword of Volume 1. And it’s a great question! What makes How Do We Relationship? an interesting manga is how oddly realistic it is, highlighting things like the compromises people make in relationships, people who get into relationships for pragmatic reasons rather than love, the whole “thing” about sex… as well as highlighting the additional issues queer people have to deal with. That may sound like a heavy story, but it’s actually quite light-hearted, as well as very, very funny at times. With a cute art style and surprisingly deep premise, HDWR is a great manga for older yuri fans who are craving a more mature story.

Where To Get It: The first volume has been published in English by Viz Media, with more on the way.

BONUS: Other titles with adult protagonists that may interest you!

Even Though We’re Adults: A manga by Takako Shimura about two women in their thirties. Ayano and Akari meet each other in a bar and almost immediately feel a sense of chemistry between them. There’s just one problem: Ayano is married to someone else. (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in January 2021)

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon: A manga by Shio Usui. Uno Hinako wants nothing more than to be seen as a normal young woman, but she just can’t seem to make a “normal” romance work. But maybe Sato Asahi, a woman who works at the same company as her, can show her a new kind of normal? (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in February 2021)

Our Teachers Are Dating: A manga by Pikachi Ohi. Hayama Asuka is a gym teacher, Terano Saki is a biology teacher. One day, they come into work both looking suspiciously happy… because they’ve started dating! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

I Married My Best Friend To Shut My Parents Up: A one-volume manga by Kodama Naoko. Morimoto is sick and tired about constantly being badgered about finding a man to marry, so her kouhai from her high school days offers a solution: marry each other to make her parents back off! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

Now Loading…!: A one-volume manga by Mikan Uji. Takagi has just snagged her dream job at a games publisher, but being put in charge of a mobile game that’s barely pulling in any attention isn’t exactly what she was hoping for. What’s worse, she’s drawn the attention of her strict higher-up Sakurazuki Kaori… who also happened to design her most favorite game of all time?! (Published in English through Seven Seas Entertainment)

3.  “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s- wait, didn’t we already do this one?”

Yes we did. And you know what? I’m making a stand! There’s a lot of really, really good yuri stories set in high schools, and I think more people need to give them a chance! Here are some high school titles that I think are worth a second look for one reason or another!

Bloom Into You

What It Is: A manga by Nakatani Nio. Eight volumes, complete. A twelve episode anime aired in 2018, covering about the first half of the series. A three volume spinoff light novel series written by Hitoma Iruma was also published.

What It’s About: Yuu Koito has long dreamed of the day she’d find That One, Storybook Romance that would make her feel like she was walking on air, but the day that a boy confesses to her, her feet remain firmly planted on the ground. When she meets Touko Nanami, a girl who seems to have the same strange, distant relationship to romance as she does, Yuu feels like she has found a comrade. But what will happen when the next person to confess to Yuu… is Touko?

What I Think: What can I say about Bloom Into You that hasn’t already been said? There’s a reason it’s basically considered a staple of yuri despite being only five years old. The art is beautiful and delicate, the story has a deft mastery of comedy, drama, and romance, and the characters are deeply loveable. Really, the only reason this one is here is to tell you to get to reading this manga (or watching the anime) if you haven’t already. So get to it!

Where To Get It: The entire series-- as well as the spinoff light novel series Regarding Saeki Sayaka-- has been published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime is currently streaming on HiDive.

Yuri Is My Job

What It Is: A manga by Miman. Ongoing, seven volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Hime wants nothing more than to be adored by everyone and to someday bag a rich husband. Of course, being loved by all takes a lot of work, and she prides herself in keeping her perfect, adorable facade so well-maintained. But of course, the one time she slips up, she ends up injuring the manager of a local cafe! Hime finds herself strong-armed into working for this cafe under their star employee, a kind, graceful girl named Mitsuki. But things aren’t quite so simple-- you see, this cafe has a gimmick in which all the employees are constantly acting out yuri-inspired scenes for the customers, so in a way, the employees also have their own facades. And under her facade, Mitsuki… hates Hime’s guts!

What I Think: Yuri Is My Job is an odd duck, but in a good way. It’s advertised and initially framed as a comedy, but it becomes a surprisingly thoughtful drama about the personas people adopt and why they do so (though, luckily, the comedy never truly goes away). There’s an interesting web of relationships between the girls, and having those interactions take place in a setting where they must act out a completely different sort of drama adds an extra level of drama and intrigue. The cute, polished artwork is just the icing on the cake. YIMJ is a good manga for those who are already familiar with yuri tropes and those who are interested in a drama that doesn’t get too heavy.

Where To Get It: Six volumes have been published in English by Kodansha comics, with the seventh on the way.

Riddle Story of Devil

What It Is: A manga written by Yun Kouga and illustrated by Sunao Minakata. Five volumes, complete. A 12 episode anime aired in 2014.

What It’s About: At Myojo Private School, an elite all-girl’s academy, Class Black has a secret. Twelve of the thirteen girls are actually assassins who have been offered a dark deal-- one wish will be granted to whoever manages to kill Haru Ichinose, the thirteenth student. But there’s still hope for Haru in the form of Tokaku Azuma, one of the assassins who has decided to defect to Haru’s side-- and defend her from the other girls at any cost.

What I Think: I’m not sure… if I can say Riddle Story of Devil is “good.” It’s definitely something. Although its premise is vaguely similar to Revolutionary Girl Utena, its tone and atmosphere remind me a lot more of the Dangan Ronpa series. It’s schlocky and ridiculous and often over-the-top and at times exploitative. It’s pure junk food, basically… and I believe that’s where the charm comes from. It’s my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. It may not exactly be good, but more often than not, it’s fun. It’s hard not to be immediately interested in a yuri battle series, you have to admit. 

And if it does have one undeniably good element, it’s Tokaku and Haru’s relationship. They contrast each other nicely, and while one might expect Haru to be boring and helpless, she’s actually quite proactive at times, and some of the most interesting, engaging parts of the series come from seeing how the two work together to fend off the latest assassin. It’s a short read and if anything, it’s worth it to see how each girl ends up. I recommend it for older viewers who are okay with violence and ludicrous battle scenarios.

Where To Get It: All five volumes are available through Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime can be watched through Funimation.*

*Please don’t watch the anime.**

** At the very least, please don’t watch the anime unless you’ve read the entire manga. Riddle Story Of Devil was one of those unfortunate cases where the anime adaption was produced before the manga reached its conclusion, and as such it has a very strange, rushed ending that includes none of what I enjoyed about the actual ending. Several scenes were also changed, and if I recall correctly, fanservice was added in several places where there was none previously. All in all, I’d really only recommend it for big fans of the series.

Side By Side Dreamers

What It Is: A light novel by Iori Miyazawa, illustrated by Akane Malbeni. One volume, complete.

What It’s About: Saya Hokage has been suffering from insomnia, but one day finds relief in the form of Hitsuji Konparu, a strange girl who can put people to sleep. As it turns out, Hitsuji is a person who has the special ability to move freely in their dreams, known as a “Sleepwalker.” The Sleepwalkers have been battling beings that possess people through their dreams, and it turns out they want Saya to join them in the fight.

What I Think: Side By Side Dreamers is short and… well, dreamy. I really enjoyed the premise and I think it’s a good novel for people who think Otherside Picnic may be a little too much for them. I also enjoyed each dream sequence-- I tend to find that the writing in light novels is a little dry, so the use of figurative language to describe these scenes was really refreshing and interesting. SBSD is a fun oneshot that I think is especially ideal for newcomers to yuri.

Where To Get It: Side-by-Side Dreamers is published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

Cocoon Entwined

What It Is: A manga by Yuriko Hara. Three volumes, ongoing.

What It’s About: Hoshimiya Girls' Academy is a strange, almost otherworldly paradise with a peculiar tradition. For all three years, each girl grows out her hair to absurd, breathtaking lengths, in order for it to eventually be cut and weaved into uniforms for future students. Perhaps it is these strange uniforms that seem to whisper about the past that makes the school seem frozen in another time… picturesque, yet stagnant. But one day, a shocking incident shatters the quiet peace of the academy, and the tumultuous feelings that have long been hidden in the hearts of these girls come rushing into the light.

What I Think: Cocoon Entwined is, in a word, eerie. It’s not marketed as a horror story, and I don’t think it’s intended to be one, but I’ve seen some that say they get horror vibes from it. I definitely understand that-- there’s a deep sense of unease that permeates the entire story in a way that’s a bit hard to articulate. The running thread of uniforms made from human hair definitely doesn’t hurt (it does-- I’ve seen many people understandably turned off by this element), but it’s more than that. It’s the sense that everything at Hoshimiya feels frozen and fragile. It’s the sense that everyone is burying their true feelings under countless layers. It’s the fact that in one scene, Saeki reaches out in a dark room full of uniforms and feels her arm touched by countless hands made of hair. 

Cocoon Entwined is a strange manga, and I feel it’s not for everyone-- besides the way many are put off by the central premise, the way that the story jumps around in time can be a bit confusing to follow. But in my opinion, I love it for these elements: the uniforms and their marriage between beauty and grotesque, the sense of frozen time, the delicate artwork that feels like it might be shattered by the weight of your gaze, the strange, airless atmosphere, the girls and their clear exhaustion of having to be ideal women. It’s a strange little series that I think should be given a shot, particularly if you want something a little more out there, or a darker take on Class S tropes.

Where To Get It: Yen Press has currently published two volumes in English.

BONUS: Other high school titles that may interest you!

A Tropical Fish Yearns For Snow: A manga by Makoto Hagino. Konatsu Amano has just moved to a new town by the sea, and must deal with her new school’s mandatory club policy. Luckily, she meets Koyuki Honami, an older girl who runs the Aquarium Club. Recognizing her loneliness, Konatsu decides to join her club. (Published  in English by Viz Media)

Flowers: A four-part series of visual novels published by Innocent Grey. Flowers focuses on Saint Angraecum Academy, a private high school that prides itself on overseeing the growth of proper young ladies. One notable thing about the academy is the Amitié program, a system that pairs students together in order to foster friendships between the girls. But friendship isn’t the only thing blooming… (Available in English from Steam, J-List, and JAST USA)

Adachi And Shimamura: A series of light novels written by Hitoma Iruma and illustrated by Non that has recently received a manga adaptation and an anime adaption. Adachi and Shimamura are two girls who encounter each other one day while cutting class. Little by little, the two girls become a part of each other’s lives, and feelings begin to form. (The light novels are published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, the anime is licensed by Funimation)

And there we go! 24 different yuri titles. I didn’t even go into the series that I tried but personally didn’t like that still might interest other people. I primarily made this list to gush about yuri that I liked, but I also tried to include a fairly wide range of things so that, hopefully, any random person who read this whole list could find at least one new title that interests them. And I hope that includes you!

The yuri scene is quite large and wonderful if you know where to look, and it too often gets a bad rap. I hope that this list could give you a new perspective on what kinds of titles are available, and I hope it gives you something new to try. And remember: if you want something specific, try looking for it! There’s a good chance the story you’re craving is already out there, waiting to be discovered!

[lillupon]

Hi. How are you? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve re-read chapter 13, I love it so much.

What I love about the MinWon relationship now, since chapter 12, is that now Wonwoo reciprocates Mingyu’s advances. Except, of course, the embarrassing ones, which, can’t really blame him, lol.

Even though, AEV is in Wonwoo’s POV, you’re able to describe Mingyu’s character really well. It’s adorable how head over heels and totally whipped Mingyu is for Wonwoo now. I love imagining that Mingyu wakes up quite a bit before Wonwoo when he stays over, but he doesn’t move, because Wonwoo is sprawled over him, drooling over his chest. And Mingyu has to pee, but Wonwoo was in such deep sleep, he doesn’t want to wake up Wonwoo. So he stays in that position, completely endeared by Wonwoo, until Wonwoo moves after which he runs to pee, lol.

After freshening up, our Mingoo decides to make breakfast for Wonwoo. He doesn’t know if this was what people generally do after staying over, because he’d only dated people his age before, all of whom lived with their parents, so there hadn’t been any sleeping over before. But Mingyu is a good cook and he wants to impress Wonwoo, damn it! Even though, something tells him that Wonwoo was already pretty impressed with him and he doesn’t really need to make much effort, but he still wants to. He can already hardly believe that incredible man wants him. He’s going to do whatever it takes to keep him.

When Wonwoo calls them boyfriends, and Mingyu totally loses control, I’ll bet they don’t even make it to the bedroom. Mingyu turns the stove off; breakfast can wait, he’s already spent all of his self control not ravishing Wonwoo when he saw him in his shirt. He just grabs Wonwoo’s by his thighs, makes him wrap them around his waist and just takes Wonwoo against the nearest wall. He probably makes Wonwoo keep his shirt on, while he asks him to call him his boyfriend again, like,

“Say it again,” Mingyu growls against Wonwoo’s ears as he slips in and out of Wonwoo, nice and deep. “Say what we are.”

“Boyfriends,” Wonwoo gets out, not able to deny his alpha anything. He moans, loud and clear, because he can now that it’s just the two of them in the privacy of his home.

“Again,” Mingyu straight out demands now, pounding into the omega. HIS omega.

“B-boy.. ah.. boyfriends,” Wonwoo rasps out, lolling his head back against the wall, as Mingyu hits his sweet spot. “We’re boyfriends.”

“Fuck,” Mingyu says, voice rough, before crashing his mouth against Wonwoo.

I’ve never written smut in my life, and while this wasn’t really full blown smut, it was enough to embarrass the crap out of me.

Have a great week.

UH HOLY SHIT! I combusted reading this Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→ I love the way you write whipped alpha Mingyu. 

Oh my god, drooling Wonwoo! He truly conked out after their bedroom activities lmao. I imagine AEV-Wonwoo being quite strict with his sleeping schedule. Like, In-bed-by-10PM strict. Staying up late, getting dicked dumb by Mingyu, and then spending hours whispering pillow talk to each other took a lot out of poor Wonwoo. 

So cute that Mingyu held his bladder so that he wouldn’t disturb Wonwoo’s sleep (ಥ﹏ಥ) Wow, imagine what’s going through Mingyu’s head when he woke up that morning. Part of him thought that it had all been a dream. So when he opens his eyes and sees Wonwoo’s dark head on his chest, when he feels Wonwoo’s weight atop him...  He’s in heaven. Wonwoo smells of content and satiated omega. Pride swells in Mingyu’s chest. He did that. And maybe it’s asking for too much, too soon, but he wants to share more mornings with Wonwoo that are just like this one. 

Mingyu really showed his alpha side with that little smut snip you wrote OMg!! So hot ( ╥ω╥ ) Wonwoo is still soft and ready from last night; Mingyu slips in like he belongs there. Wonwoo koala-clings to his alpha: arms wrapped around Mingyu’s shoulders, thighs tight around Mingyu’s waist and his toes curled with pleasure. The position has Mingyu hitting the deepest parts of him. He’s seeing stars, it feels so good. Mingyu’s demands of, “Say it again. Say what we are,” gets him wetter than any dirty talk ever could. That, combined with the display of alpha strength--Mingyu bears his weight so easily--has an orgasm shaking out of him embarrassingly fast.

Aww, and I bet it takes them a long time to say good-bye after! They’ve both showered. Mingyu is all dressed up and ready to go (sans hoodie, since Wonwoo has now claimed a second one for his collection). They loiter at the door, squeezing in some last-minute conversation and kisses. Wonwoo has his fingers curled loosely into the front of Mingyu’s shirt.

“You’ll text me when you get home?”

“M-hm,” Mingyu says. 

“Okay,” Wonwoo says. “Bye, then. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I’ll see you Monday.”

“Video call tonight?” 

“Yeah,” Wonwoo says. The way things are going, Mingyu might just end up spending the night again. They’ve been trying to say goodbye for the past hour, and Mingyu is still here.

[myhumanweakness]

Destiel/Cockles analysis s/p 15x18

Okay, so... This is gonna be a mishmash of thoughts, but if you stick with me maybe you’ll get what I’m saying. 

I’ve been seeing a lot of shit condemning Jensen as a homophobe because of his previous actions/statements about Destiel and also (for some ungodly reason) because of his performance during the confession in 15x18. And I have this theory that I needed to get out because it’s been there for a while, and now is the perfect time to explain it. 

This show started out in 2005 as a show about two manly, Midwestern men that  got pulled into a life of hunting the Earth’s worst creatures, tapping ass, and drinking beers (while also giving you a play-by-play on how to repress emotions), and there was also A LOT of love buried in the plot. A lot. 

The world was a completely different place in 2005. The own creator of the show didn’t expect the show to go past 5 seasons, so when the longevity came they were forced to grow. We watched this show go through a very human process/experience of growth and acceptance and evolution, and we got to grow along side it. Was it always a neat, beautiful process? Hell no. There were a lot of potholes along the way. But, growth isn’t linear. The point is that they (the writers, producers, actors, etc.) kept pushing themselves to grow year after year. 

So now, back to Jensen. Jensen has shown this fandom time and time again not only how grateful he is that we adore him and helped him to cultivate a life beyond what he has dreamed of but also that he is attentive and considerate to our feelings/thoughts. Has he disagreed with us at times? Hell yes he has. Has be bluntly stated that “Destiel doesn’t exist.” Hell yes he has. And it’s been hurtful and frustrating and invalidating. But, take a step back for a moment. 

Jensen is so connected to Dean. His friends and even his own wife has stated that he sometimes forgets that “he’s not Dean.” Dean has informed so much of who Jensen is for the last 15 years. And Jensen has admittedly seen a lot of himself in Dean. So who was Dean at the beginning of this show? Dean was the guy who made gay jokes, slept with plethoras of woman to fill a void (and also for pleasure), was so out of touch with his feelings because he was too busy being the person his father wanted/needed him to be, and had a very clear idea of what it meant to be a man. That’s the brain Jensen lived in for years while playing Dean. And honestly, it’s been speculated and discussed here, that Jensen’s brain might not have been too far off from that mindset outside of Dean. 

But just as we watched the show grow, I truly believe we watched Jensen grow. And we all know Danneel is a big part of that because she is wildly herself and big and fierce, especially about the things she believes in and loves, and she is open-minded and just pushes people to grow. And he has said those things about her. But I also think that a lot of Jensen’s growth came from Misha because as much as Danneel has influenced him over the years, I firmly believe Jensen needed to see/meet/form a relationship with someone like Misha in order to truly/permanently break down those walls about what a man should/could be. 

Cockles fans have long dissected and held up microscopes to Jensen and Misha’s relationship, so much so that there are pages and pages of theories about how their love bloomed, their break ups, their tender moments, and the growth of their relationship in general. But one thing that I think Jensen frequently struggled with is this idea that he needed to keep Dean true to who he is as a person, and that any growth and evolution in Jensen’s life (ie his relationship with Misha) couldn’t influence that. All of those moments he was denouncing Destiel seemed to be out of a struggle to keep those two people separate- Jensen vs Dean. Because in Jensen’s head, Dean was still this super straight, rough and tough, Midwestern monster hunter. 

But over the years, the Destiel fandom was comforted by Misha’s outspoken love, admiration, and agreement. Misha truly championed this fandom with reckless abandon. But while Misha was comfortable (to a degree) with himself and his relationship with Jensen, we really watched Jensen struggle. We watched Jensen grow. 

So, fast forward to the last couple of years. Destiel is subtextually canon- the writers have confirmed this at this point. Jensen is less negative about Destiel at panels insofar as to talk about their “break ups” and “domestic disputes” and “relationship” with a validating tone. Is he fervently talking about Destiel safe words and bondage and having sex/making out? No. But that’s not who Jensen is. He’s much more conservative with his emotions than Misha... at least publicly. 

This fandom has watched Jensen grow, not only in his dealings with/approach to Cockles but also with Destiel. So, while Jensen has long been adamant that Dean is not bisexual and couldn’t end up with Cas, I think there was potentially a moment where Misha (and potentially Danneel) were like, “Well, why can’t Dean be bi? Why can’t he finally realize that about himself after years of breaking down barriers and fears and conditioned notions? You did.” 

What came first, Cockles or Destiel? That’s been the debate right? The chicken or the egg? I truly think without Cockles coming first, we would have never been able to have Destiel. In fact, in my head, I can make the argument that without Jensen growing and going through the process of falling in love with Misha, Destiel would have never become canon. Jensen needed to first separate himself from Dean (which we are all privy to), grow and fall in love [again] as Jensen, and then give Dean the permission to grow and fall in love too. 

As we have seen from this week’s episode, Destiel has been there for years. YEARS. But Dean has always had to deal with two struggles: accepting himself and Jensen accepting him. We heard Jensen say at a panel that when he read the script for the final episode, he had a hard time coming to terms with what happened. People have long speculated that was referring to Destiel. Now, maybe it is and maybe it isn’t (I guess we’ll find out in two weeks), but it would make a lot of sense if it was. 

As everyone (the writers, actors, fans, etc.) has validated and acknowledged Destiel and particularly Dean’s love for Cas, Jensen has continued to struggle with it. But I don’t think it’s because Jensen is homophobic or anything like some people are saying. I think it’s because Jensen has worked tirelessly to separate the romantic lives of himself and Dean. Jensen convinced himself that Dean loving Cas and them having a relationship would be out of character, when in reality it followed this pattern of growth that both the show and bi (& LGTQ+) men/individuals around the world followed. Because Jensen is so connected to Dean, he can’t have 2020 vision until it’s hindsight because as Dean was coming out to himself and accepting himself, Jensen was accepting Dean simultaneously. It’s actually a beautiful thing. And it doesn’t make Jensen homophobic... it makes Jensen human. 

As many LGBTQ+ people will tell you, the path to realization and acceptance is fraught with struggle (internal and external) and doubt and denial and even self-hatred. There are no two characters that embody that more than Cas and Dean. So, I think that once Jensen realized that he went through a similar process as Dean it wasn’t that crazy anymore that Dean was in love with Cas. And Jensen loving Misha didn’t force Dean to love Cas- Jensen didn’t make Dean bi- Jensen loving Misha gave Dean the permission to love Cas and become one of the most human characters (especially male characters) to ever exist because we got to watch Dean find love and accept love through repression, struggle, self realization, and self acceptance. 

And for that, Jensen Ackles will go down in history as one of the best actors of this generation. Because he truly brought life to Dean Winchester.

Thank you for attending my TedTalk. I wanted to be much more thorough with this and include gifs and video evidence, but this is already lengthy and I doubt anyone even made it to the end. 

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) bonus 1/2

tbh i was very unsure if i should be doing any analysis on these pictures when am not that well aware of what happens here (i’ve never read the novels) but these pics just really deserve it. after this, i will try to return to the regular blabbering posts at some point but i hope you enjoy these in the mean time. part 2 you can find here.  

side note: the photos from the digital magazine (the ones without any watermark) belong to @/thosch3i who has been doing amazing work at keeping us all updated and translating things ♥ 

The Bazaar Photoshoot – Ideal Reality

As ppl probably know by now, the theme of this photoshoot was the Pingxie reunion that happens after the ten years Xiaoge has spent behind the Bronze Gate. I don’t have an impression of the original scene in the novels but ZSX and XYL very lovingly provided us with the most important dialogue in the video clips we got (which I will not be analyzing here bc this would become even longer than it already is), so I have at least some type of overall view through that. 

At first tho, I’m going to divide the photos into two categories which I will be labeling as “the (ideal) reality” and “the (future) dream”. In this first part I will be focusing on “the reality”. 

(more under the cut bc the pics obviously make this kinda long)

This part I called “reality” happens in the pictures with colors, where Pingxie are dressed in their more casual clothes (tho idk, who goes on a mountain in a suit? def neither of them, I bet, but it’s a photoshoot so let’s forget that). In these photos the whole reunion itself happens, concrete and very much real, easy for us to imagine. (One of the first teaser pictures we got was of this moment and it really felt like their reunion even without any context.)

They are facing each other in these photos to properly give off the feeling of them walking towards each other, meeting halfway, and finally colliding after all those years. (This also happens in the video clips so I think it really is their purpose here, to make them physically meet.) 

Wu Xie is grasping Xiaoge’s shoulder like he’s trying to make sure that Xiaoge is real. Like he’s trying to make himself believe that Xiaoge is actually there, right before his eyes, alive and healthy and for him to touch. (And I very much think that he is trying to do just that, trying to make himself believe, bc this moment is so unreal after all those years spent alone. I wonder how many times he saw mirages during the past years only to wake up and realize it was just a dream.)

In these photos where they face each other, it feels like they are looking at each other but then also kinda not? It’s like they’re looking through each other almost, seeing something more before them than just a person. Maybe it’s the future they see, or the past. Maybe it’s those both at the same time. (Maybe this is just me reading too much into them when they’re only being awkward and maybe I should stop. Maybe.) 

Then there’s also that permanent smile on Wu Xie’s face that I adore. It’s like in this reality there’s nothing that could make him happier than seeing Xiaoge again. Wu Xie seems so utterly delighted to be here (which, obviously, understandable. He’s waited a decade). His smile and eyes are so soft here. There is adoration in his look bc he’s been finally reunited with the person that matters the most to him. And Xiaoge meets him with this stoic look, this blank face we very often see but his eyes are locked to Wu Xie too. He’s glad to be there, glad to be back. (And I’ve heard that in the novels Xiaoge returns from the Bronze Gate without any serious trauma etc. but is that really realistic? I don’t think so. So only in this “ideal” reunion, neither of them carries the weight they actually do and can meet like this, happy and easy.)

Also, as a quick note, I need to mention the glasses in the photo below. It’s a cool little detail. It feels almost like a nod towards the fact that Wu Xie wishes he could change himself. That he could still appear the same in front of Xiaoge, be as innocent, be that “tianzhen wu xie” he used to be. Are the glasses his innocence then or him without it? I don’t know. 

Then let’s move to the lying-in-the-snow photos. Those seem to emphasize that, in fact, this truly is an ideal reality, a moment that’s almost idyllic to Pingxie. There is that feeling of basking in the other’s presence, the joy of closeness, the unhurried moment of pure bliss. They haven’t seen each other in ten years, Wu Xie has gone through hell, Xiaoge has been lost in darkness, and they both know the sacrifice they’ve made for the other. They are finally here after all that. They obviously want to enjoy their moment together, and I feel like these photos show how they wish for this moment to last. This moment that is still carefree and just filled with joy. Bc on that mountain, in the middle of the snow, they are not part of the cruel world quite yet. They’re away from reality even if this still is real. This is their little bubble, untouched by the life outside of this snowy scene.

After that, I gotta mention here that these are my personal favorites out of all of the photos we got. Especially the picture above where Wu Xie is smiling. He looks so content and happy in it that my heart just melts (and after knowing what happens in Sand Sea, he really does deserve happiness). 

I find it kind of symbolic in these photos how Wu Xie is the one with his eyes closed, basking in the moment, while Xiaoge is looking into the distance. It’s like Xiaoge is already being pulled away a bit, even in this ideal reality of theirs. He’s always away, not completely there. Even he himself doesn’t know who he is, like XYL said in their interview for the magazine. He would be the one to move first, if they had to.

But then again, in the picture below where Wu Xie has his eyes open, Xiaoge is turned towards him. His focus is solely towards Wu Xie while Wu Xie looks into the camera with eyes that could be almost seen as angry. And all of this feels like some type of new resolve, like things really have changed.

With this, it’s interesting to note that the photo above is, besides being the only one where someone is looking at the camera, also the only one where the snow isn’t falling. This makes it feel like some type of turning point, the crashing of reality. It’s like they have reached what they were looking for and now this is where we will move forward. This is where they have become something new. This is where and how they meet the world again. 

And how does that happen? With the new roles they have taken in each other’s lives. Wu Xie has come to protect Xiaoge, wishing to keep him safe from all those ppl that try to use him when he’s vulnerable. Wu Xie’s look in this feels almost like a warning to those ppl. And then there’s Xiaoge, finally in touch with his humanity despite of being so far away from it for a decade. He’s accepted that he can be someone that feels, who needs ppl beside him. He’s curled on his side here, looking very soft, almost fragile – and that’s what he can be now, with Wu Xie. (And we really gotta thank XYL for giving all of this humanity to Xiaoge bc now he feels real, and I always break when I think about the affection and understanding he has towards his character, it’s truly amazing). This is the photo where things have changed and we return closer to the “true” reality. 

So, in the end, this “ideal reality” consists of the actual reunion scene – which feels like the realest or most realistic part of the photoshoot – and then these other moments that follow, these brief happiness indulged dreams that probably only appear in their minds. (These feel a bit like those extra sappy scenes you get in romance dramas where a short moment suddenly turns into a pastel pink hued musical number, just saying.) This is Pingxie’s romanticized reality. It’s what they wish could happen – and maybe it does in some ways, tho I doubt they really go rolling around in snow like that. But I still wish they both can truly smile and be happy and forget about the world for a bit. The reality is harsh – let them dream a little. 

(more about those dreams in the next part!)

[kpop---scenarios]

One Of The Good Ones

Pairing: Kim Jaejoong x Reader 

Warning: Fluff 

Word Count: 2k 

Commissioned by: @jaejoongs-nipple-piercing​

"It turns out it was the burning of debris that sparked the now large flame, in which now has gotten out of control. It is responsible for the beginning of the fires that are now spreading across a few acres. The once small fire caught onto dry grass it was burning next to, it began to quickly double in size. Firefighters are working hard to put out the flames." 

The TV switches off. You turn around and see Jaejoong with a sympathetic look on his face and the remote in his hand. He knew you shouldn't have been watching that. Hell, you knew it too but you can't help it. You need to know things, even if it does spark your anxiety. 

"Baby." He starts, giving you the look. "That is on the outskirts of town. It's nowhere near us, so try not to worry about it, okay? Everything is fine." He says. He knows you'll still panic about it. There is absolutely no going back on it now.

"You're right, I know but I can't control my anxiety." You pout. 

"I know love." He smiles. 

Over the next few days, you could feel your anxiety building as you watch the news that's been talking about how dry Oregon was. You knew it was dry, but you weren't aware of how bad it actually was. Every day you went outside, you hoped that it would rain but like always, the sky was blue and cloudless. 

"I don't like this." You sigh, leaning over to snuggle into Jaejoong. "I have such a bad feeling about this weather." 

"Don't worry, my love. Everything will be okay. Let's not worry unless there is actually something to worry about, okay?" Jaejoong whispers, placing a soothing and much-needed kiss on top of your head. 

"I'll try." You sigh. "It's just hard to relax, knowing what this drought can bring. Fires terrify me." 

"I know baby. But look." Jaejoong says, pointing to the TV. "They're calling for rain tomorrow. Be optimistic." He smiles. 

When you woke up in the morning, you looked outside, desperately hoping to see a great sky and a downpouring of rain. Hell, you'd even welcome a thunderstorm if the sky was so pleased. But when you pulled back that curtain, you were instantly disappointed, seeing the bright blue sky, the sun shining and a record high temperature for today. 

A few days later you came home from work, your anxiety still high and not a cloud in sight. You were exhausted. You unlocked your front door, your eyes heavy, your feet dragging. You slipped off your heels at the front door, dropped your purse as you shuffled to the kitchen. 

"Babe?" Jaejoong calls out. 

"Here." You sigh, grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge. 

"Ah." He says, taking the wine from your hand. "I've got a surprise for you." He smiles, placing the bottle down and grabbing your hand. He pulls you out of the kitchen, through the living room, heading right for the bathroom. 

He opens the door, and you see it. Rose petals scattered around the tub and inside, candles surround the tub and on the counters, bubbles in your already run bath, along with a nice big glass of alcohol waiting for you. 

He helps you undress, holding your hand as you climb into the bath, melting into the warm water, your sore muscles finally loosening up. 

"What would I do without you?" You sigh, sinking deeper into the tub. 

"I don't know, probably suffer." He laughs, winking at you before he pours you a glass of wine, handing you the large, full glass. 

"Thank you." You pout, taking a large sip of the bitter beverage. 

"Anytime babe." He smiles. "Do you want to talk?" He asks. 

"I just can't shake it." You sigh, sinking into the tub a little more. 

"Anxiety?" He asks. 

You nod your head. "I just know something bad is coming. I hate not knowing what exactly or how to prepare for it." You sigh. 

"Come find me when you're done in here. I have something to show you." He smiles, leaving the bathroom to let you unwind in peace.

He truly was the best.

You really did try to enjoy your bath, but your brain won't shut off long enough to let you enjoy it. You needed to know what he had to show you, and you needed to know now. 

You climbed out of the tub, grabbing your robe and speed walking to the living room where Jaejoong was sitting on the couch, Flipping through the channels. 

"Done already?" He chuckles. 

"I need to know." You pout, which makes him laugh harder. 

"Follow me." He says, walking towards your shared bedroom. He lays on his belly, pulling out a large black duffle bag. "This." He pauses, patting the bag. "Is my emergency bag, Well, our emergency bag." 

He looks at you as you feel the tears well in your eyes. "I know your anxiety about fires, earthquakes, or whatever unpredictable natural disaster is bad, so I'm hoping this might help ease it a little." He smiles. 

"What's all in it?" You sniffle. 

"Clothes for you and I for a week. Cash, copies of important documents, important photos. There are water and non-perishable snacks in the car. We're set baby, just in case." 

Right then the tears pour from your eyes. How did you get so lucky to be with someone so caring? He seemed to always know just the right way to ease your fears, you truly were the luckiest. 

** 

"Due to unusually strong winds, the fires have begun to spread, making their way across fields and heading into the cities. Firefighters are working diligently on containing the blaze and in trying to put it out. Please keep updated on the situation. This is your 1 o'clock update." 

You click off the sound to the tv, your hands shaking as you pull out your phone, calling Jaejoong. 

"Hi baby." He answers, calmly. 

"They're coming into the city Jae." You whisper.

"Take a breath baby. Give me a second." He says. You can slightly hear his voice muffled as you chew on your nails, something you did when your anxiety was getting the best of you. 

"Baby?" He asks.

"Yeah." You respond, your eyes watching the videos the new channel was playing of the fires. 

"I'm on my way, okay?" 

"You can't.. you have to work." You whisper. 

"You are more important. I know your anxiety baby, I'm on my way." He says. "I'll be home in 10 minutes." 

**

Over the next few days, Jaejoong stayed home with you, doing what he could to try and ease your fears but it wasn't easy. As the fires rapidly spread, your anxieties seemingly got worse. Your biggest fear of having to evacuate and leave your house and all your items was not something you wanted to have to do. 

Yes they were all material and could easily be replaced but it was the fear. The fear of leaving and not knowing whether or not you were even going to have somewhere to come back to. 

That night you and Jaejoong went to bed with your go bag ready, just in case you needed to leave in the middle of the night.

When you woke in the morning, the two of you sat on the couch, watching the news, watching the fires burn all the houses, shops and farms. You watched as you saw your neighborhood flash across the screen, telling you to prepare to evacuate, that if they cannot contain the flames, one of your worst fears is going to come true. 

You burst into tears, the fear was just too much. Jaejoong pulls you into his arms, cradling you as you whimper into his chest. 

"Shh, love. Shh." He tries to sooth you. "Whatever comes, we will deal with. As long as we're both healthy and together, we can overcome anything." 

You try to take a few deep breaths through the tears, trying to compose yourself. "I know.. it's just so scary." You whisper. 

"I know but we can do this. We will come out stronger than ever." He soothes. 

For hours, you lay in his arms, waiting for the knock on the door telling you to leave, but it never comes. You had fallen asleep on Jaejoong who had eventually softly woken you up, whispering that the firefighters had contained the fire. 

"We're safe now." He whispers, as you doze off again with a smile on your face. 

**

A few months later, everything in the past had just seemed like a very bad dream. You and Jaejoong were as strong as ever, and you hadn't ever been so happy. 

"It was all very cliché." You laugh, looking over at Jaejoong. You were at a dinner party with some old and new friends who had asked how the two of you met all those years ago. It was one of your favorite stories to tell. You loved to reminisce about the day you met the man you were planning on spending your life with. 

"I got into the cab and he slid in at the same time on the other side." You smile. "We both laughed and offered it to each other. Then he asked me where I was going and it just so happened that we were headed near each other. So we both took the cab to the middle point between our destinations." You say. 

"I asked for her number before she walked away. I was wanting to take her out that night." He laughs, shaking his head, embarrassed. "But she rejected me for that night. She gave me her number and told me to call her the next day because she needed to think about it." He laughs. 

You put your head in your hands and shake your head as you remember the encounter like it was yesterday. 

"You really had to think about it?" A woman laughs, looking at Jaejoong. 

"He was a stranger! I couldn't just say yes, he might have wanted to just kidnap me." You laugh, along with everyone else. 

"You two are adorable." Someone huffs." So how long have you been together?"  

"Together for 6 years." You say, with a smile, looking over at Jaejoong who was now rolling his eyes, with a smirk on his face. 

"Any plans to get married?" Someone asks. 

"You'll have to ask him, he's the one who's gotta do the proposing. I'm always ready." You say, patting his back. 

"I plead the fifth." He jokes. "I will, sometime. That's all I can say for now." Jaejoong smiles. "If there's one thing I know in this life though, it's that there is no one i would rather face my fears with, than this woman right here." He finishes, leaning over to kiss your head, placing his hand on your knee and squeezing.

That was a signal from him, one that the two of you had come up with some time ago to tell each other you 'I love you' without saying it in so many words. 

Jaejoong made your heart skip a beat, even though the two of you had been together for so long. Sometimes relationships can fizzle out, the spark dies or people lose interest but neither of you had. You both only had eyes for each other. Yes you may have little arguments sometimes, but he was never one to go to bed angry, or without a kiss. He will never leave the house without telling you he loves you at least once, or telling you how important you are to him. He was always there through your tough times, your fears and anxiety and never once does he complain. Instead,d he does whatever he can to soothe you and calm you down. You never knew men like him existed, but they do and you were so lucky you managed to get one of the good ones. 

[popculturebuffet]

Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life Review

Happy Birthday To Me, as I continue my birthday celebration by taking a look at comics that have a personal connection to me.. And for our main feature, i’m taking a look at the first volume of a series that was vitally important to a teenage me, Scott Pilgrim. 

Scott Pilgrim is the brainchild of Brian Lee’O’Malley. O’Malley came up with the concept from a number of things. Being a fan of the band Plumtree, O’Malley was curious about the name of their song “Scott Pilgrim” and wondered who this Scott Pilgrim guy was. So over the years he slowly built the guy up in the back of his mind using bits of his life and what not. As for why he ends up fighting 7 evil exes, that came from a discussion with his then girlfriend, later wife and currently ex-wife Hope Larson, where he threw off the joke that her exes should form some kind of League. After finishing his first solo work Lost at Sea, O’Malley decided Scotty would be his next project and the rest is history. To date while O’Malley has written two works since, Seconds which is delightful and Snotgirl which didn’t grab me but I intend to try again, Scott remains his most popular work, in large part due to it’s SUBLIME video game and movie adaptations, the former of which is finally getting a rerelease next month. 

The series charm is in it’s style: A manga styled comic that combines two desperate kinds of story: Shonen Fight Manga and Slice of Life Indie Comics. The story shifts from Scott going through normal life stuff while trying to make his new relationship work and get his shit together and Scott getting into big bombastic fights with his new sweetie’s exes for the right to keep dating her and to you know, stay alive. The series effortlesly blends a video game like world with real grounded characters and is wonderful for it.  As for where I came in, one Free Comic Book day I found a little comic named Free Scott Pilgrim, which I genuinely loved and was instantly charmed by it’s humor and well done art. So I picked up the second and third volumes of the series proper and the first once I could find it and the rest ,as they say, is history. For my high school life, this was one of hte most important things in it and I wrote fanfiction, which I thankfully never put online and in general enjoyed the hell out of the series. Then I just kind of.. let it sit on my shelf for a while. It wasn’t BAD, I just never got back to it and as the franchise went dormant I just sorta slept on it and the movie and that part of me...

Cut to a few weeks ago, when Comixology did a massive sale for black friday that marked a ton of Graphic Novels down to just 1 buck each, and the color editions of Scott Pilgrim happened to be part of this, though only volume 1 was that cheap. But thanks to my best friend micheal and an early christmas/birthday present I got the rest and got to revisit the series as a whole, with me rethinking my previous thoughts of volume 1 and thus.. wanting to review it and share both why this series is so damn special and what’s good, and what’s not so good about it. I’ll also be covering the game, once i’ts re-released, and the movie once i’m finsihed with the comics so look out for that. And get ready to take a trip to the glorious land of canada... 

As a heads up and as you can tell i’ll be using the color version as while I could get scans of the black and white, I prefer the color version. While the black and white was fine and always will be, I think the impressive coloring job really adds to thing and makes the already great fight scenes pop more, as well as making certain background elements stand out a bit. While it does negate the black and white gags, the tradeoff is more than worth it. That being said either version is fine so if you can get the black and white cheaper that’s fine and i’ve kept my original copies, with volumes 4 -6 having been picked up as they came out. 

So as our story starts we meet our hero: Scott Pilgrim Age 23, a charming but jobless and kind of sketchy possible college graduate whose really been adrift in his life since a breakup about a year ago. And when our story opens he’s taken a turn for a worse and decided to date sweet but naive and inexperinced Knives Chau, a 17 year old girl. And why yes the power dynamics there are messed up and why yes Scott is pretty damn sketchy in this moment in time, and while yes I am aware the age of consent in canada is 16, it dosen’t make this any less greasy and the story knows that.  And how it knows that MOST of his friends aren’t on board. The only ones who seems to is Stephen Stiles, leader of Sex Bomb-Omb, the band scott’s in with one of the best names ever and even then it’s hard to tell if he’s being sarcastic or just a total douche. The other, Young Neil Nordgraf, Stephen’s roomate, is well 19 or 20 and kind of a dipshit so we just ignore him. I used to use him as kind of a projection, to put myself in the adventure when I was younger as Neil kind of lacks personality in the comics but in the comics.. he’s not hte best or most complex character. He is great in the movie though and Edgar Wright did an amazing job fleshing him out.  The rest of his circle are .. not so permissive. His best friend, roomate and king of all gays for all time Wallace Wells very much does not want to come with Scott to school to pick her up because every part of that sentence after hurt to type. Granted Scott gets him to come with him with promises of boys, but frankly knowing wallace he was probably just playing along/wants to protect this poor child. His ex and fellow bandmate Kim is clearly bothered by it and is flat out worried Scott is taking advantage of her. Kim and Wallace are easily my faviorites both for personality and because I have a massive crush on both. With Wallace it just didn’t manifest till the reread. Finally Scott’s kid sister Stacey chews him out over it before genuinely wondering if he’s gone insane or he’s actually happy. For my two cents: he’s not. He WANTS to be, but he dosen’t know how. And as someone whose both neurotypical, which given Scott’s troubles with empathy and relating to people like yours truly I strongly suggest he is, and has struggled with depression I can relate to that. He wants to move on but he just.. can’t, he just wants to get past the haze he’s been in since Envy dumped him.. but he dosen’t know how. So instead of doing someting constructive or finding a job or anything .. he just took the first and easiest way out of his depression he could. I’ve done that with video games and stuff. Scott did that by entering a relationship that’s really easy, requires only so much effort, and is with someone who utterly adores, looks up to him and will never expect better. Being with Knives makes him feel better.. but it dosen’t MAKE him a better person. As i’ve made clear dating someone just for a boost makes him actively worse and had fate not intervened, I shudder to think what Scott might have become. That being said his actoins are still creepy and since Scott has a habit of landing ass backwards into being an asshole here’s a counter to track that. That’s 2 for doing this overall, one for tleling her to be good, and 1 for trying to ply wallace with underage boys. 

Your the Scum of the Earth Scott Counter: 1

Thankfully fate does and Scott’s dreams, ones of him crawling through a desert alone, are interupted by a mysterious pink haired girl on skates. The next day he’s just sort of in a daze, kind of confused, and even more so when he sees her IN REAL LIFE, while at the library with Knives. He’s understandably frazzled but ends up finding out he’s not hallucinating when talking to MIcheal Cormeau. Micheal is a minor character and another artist and friend of o malley’s who represents that one guy in social circles who knows everybody. And indeed he knows the mystery girl, Ramona Flowers and that she’s there. Scott TRIES talking her up but just creeps her out, so Scott goes with plan b and decides to ask around about her. Enter Sandra and Monique, two college aquantinces of Scott, who just sorta show up at major events and aren’t that developed or intresting. They turn him to Julie who forbids him to date her. To which I say. 

Naturually we’ll aslo be needing a counter for this. 

Shut Up Julie Counter: 1

Scott however did find out she’s a delivery girl for Amazon Canada, and thus orders some CD’s on Wallace’s Credit card to hopefully see her. And while his behavior IS obessive.. it’s understandable. I’d be weirdly obessed with finding someone too if they showed up in my dreams every day and were apparently a real person. I’d probably play it cooler but still i’ts kind of understandable. So after a day with knives in which he’s clearly checked out she kisses him, he freaks out and it’s very clear that while Scott’s good at attracting women he’s just.. not good with his emotions and has finally woken up to how messed up this is, but has no idea how to get out now he’s intrested in someone he actually has a future with maybe.  Speaking of Scott’s package and Ramona finally arrive. Scott’s move is to.. ask her out abrubtly but after he mentions her Dreams, Ramona finally puts two and two together and explains things: She’s been using Subspace, a seris of highways connected by the subconcious and apparently more common in america, though it’s later revealed she was taught this but being the first book with a lot of the lore and what not ironed out this is fine. Point is she was just using his dreams as transit and didn’t mean to get him obessed. Scott continues to try his schtick and eventually gets her to agree to hang out with him. Why she does I generally do not know, as SCott basically fell ass backwards over himself conversationally, but whatever. If he didn’t succeed we wouldn’t have a plot. 

That being said things pick up a bit with the date though. The scene is really good and simply just the two.. talking. Having plesant conversations getting to know one another. That good stuff. it’s just really nice to read and it’s hard to explain why. Highlights include Scott’s x-men patch, Ramona not wanting to talk about her last job and Scott admitting he hasn’t been obessed in a long time.. and it comes off sweet rather htan creepy like that sounds. It just means he hasn’t fell this head over heels felt like this. As I said Knives was easy.. but this is hard.. and this.. feels right. So as things Snow Ramona yanks scott through subspace to escape the blizzard. 

So we end up back at Ramona’s place and she offers some tea which leads to one of the best gags of the volume as she lists them off: 

So Ramona goes to get Scott a blanket, Scott ends up following finds her changing, and she decides to warm him up another way.. by embracing him... cue.. the inevitible really. 

It feels organic though: The two are clearly attracted to each other and while Scott came on as strong as freaking colossus, he still rebounded well once they hung out and he could relax a bit and show the scott underneath the lairs of dumbass. The two end up cuddling in bed and Scott seems..genuiley happy saying he needed this... awwwwwww. They part the next morning with him asking her to his band’s performance. 

So Scott finds Wallace  at home who says what Scott needs to hear “You need to break up with your fake highschool girlfriend scott’ Granted the entire first 40 pages could’ve been titled that but now he’s actively cheating. He’s also got a letter. 

It’s a death threat Scott barely grazes through, just like an email earlier. 

But scott’s more concerned with his emotional distress.. i.e. the consequences of his throughly shitty actions finally hitting him in the face. 

Scott heads to practice for his gig and can’t bring himself to break up with knives, but does find out about the opposition: Crash and the Boys, based on an NES game title because of course it is. Crash, their leader, Joel their baseplayer who scott hates because he hates all other baseplayers (”I don’t hate myself kim) and Trasha, an 8 year old progedy they found playing Drum Mania. Don’t ask me what that is, i’m not going to get every refrence. 

So at the show Scott runs into Stacey and her new boyfriend Jimmy  with Stacey being supportive. And then Knives shows up and then RAMONA SHOWS UP. Oh no scott’s cheating might be discovered! 

So Scott books it while we’re introduced to Crash and the Boys. Wallace heckles them, to the band’s annoyance, until they eventually get fed up and we easly get the best gag of the volume. I was wrong this clearly tops the tea thing. 

So Crash and The Boys continue to play their set, including a song that supposdely kills the audience but really knocks them out.. which of course bothers kim because they play next. Meanwhile Ramona and Stacey meet and the two really get along.. and come back to find the audience ko’d and Wallace Making out with Stacey’s boyfriend. Oh no! Which is a dick move, no question. But Stacey’s next move is questionable even for a 19 year old: She says “You won’t steel another guy from me and tells wallace to sit over there”. Okay Stacey even if he is bi, and this series has trouble with the concept of bisexuals we’ll get into that later trust me, he made out with someone else entirely while on a date with you. Wallace is still an asshole, it’s part of his charm.. but it dosen’t change the fact your date kissed someone else seconds after you were gone and has been eyballing him all night, as seen even above. He’s not into you as you thought, just accept it, move on, and kick Jimmy in the balls and then wallace like a proper lady. So Scott prepares to play and this happens

And it’s here, at the very end of the comic the series main premise finally kicks in and the world takes it’s true shape. It’s a world where an indie comedy about a mess of a being putting his life together after finding his dream girl.. also has said mess being forced to get into fist fights with wizards, movie stars, vegans, half-ninjas, twin roboticists and a katana wielding douchenozzle record exec in order to continue to have the right to date his girlfriend. 

It’s where the series charm comes from and really what made it a huge sucess so it’s no suprise this volume perks up immensley for the climax. I’ll get more into it’s pacing problem at the end. For now it’s fight time and as we find out in a hilarious and awesome turn.. Scott is the best fighter in toronto.. which just makes me REALLLY want a Scott Pilgrim version of letterkenny. I mean who wouldn’t want to see wayne fight some guy who can turn his hands into dragons or see Squireely Dan do E.Honda’s hand slap move from streetfighter or see the skids all fuse into one mega emo. It’s just.. the possiblities are as endless as they are wonderous and I want this now. 

But yeah as Patel is both the first boss and Scott’s first real opponent Scott.. handles him really easily. This was by design as O’Malley wanted a shonen progression to the fights.. and honestly it’s a great way to do things. Since the fights are styled after shonen and video games, and both have power based progression in bad guys and threats, it just made sense. Patel.. is just pathetic even with his magic powers, and his habit of sending letters and emails just pounds it in. Though he is right to be a bit pissed Scott didn’t read a letter he hand delivered in a snowstorm. That’s just a tad rude. 

Mid-Fight, Scott, now he knows the whole evil ex boyfriend thing, wonders what Matt and Ramona’s past is and while Matthew refuses to tell.. Ramona spills easily. It was midddle school, all the jocks wanted her for whatever reason, likely because from experince in high school, guys really like indie girls. Matthew was the only non-white non jock, so they teamed up and with her strength and his mystic powers they beat them.. but since his use had dried up, she flipped him off and left.  Matthew dosen’t take this well and summons demon hipster chicks to fight while Scott and co, minus ramona, fight back with a finger gun routine and block his fire balls before propelling Scott into matthew somehow, and landing the KO Evil Exes Left: 6 Matthew bursts into coins though fun fact, O’Malley says the Exes all respawned back at home afterwords and learned their lesson. With Pattel I genuinely don’t think he did... but clearly given his penchant for formality what with the letters and emails, he probably felt it’d break protocol to attack before the rest were done. He probably jsut formed a hipster emo band and found more sucess using his magic for that instead and just forgot about the whole thing. Could be wrong but that’s what i’m going with.  So Scott asks Ramona to go out with him then make out with him, both of which she says yes to. Nice one scotty boy. Ramona then explains the whole evil exes thing: He’ll have to defeat each one as they come after him, and while Scott wonders if they’ll come one at a time Ramona’s not sure. As time will bear out, Scott is MOSTLY correct as most exes take him one on one, with the exception of the twins. But since as I said earlier the twins are basically one person, and as we’ll find out by choice, so it’s an exception. Plus their the last step before the final boss, so by that token it’s a bit fairer to have the penultimate boss get an unfair advantage. Scott is fine with that, he and Ramona share another moment and a kiss.. but Scott makes the mistake of asking if gideon is one and Ramona’s head starts glowing with her dodging the subject, though still going out with SCott and him worried.. it just feels.. off. not a bad ending but the only one of the series three cliffhanger endings that just dosen’t work for me, especailly since it is a bit before the Gideon mystery really picks up steam again. But with that we close this chapter

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Precious Little Life is a decent start to the story.  While Scott is loathsome at first, he’s still a compelling character and does get more likeable as things go, the humor when it is there shines and is one of the series best assets and while the fight is short and only at the end, it is oh so glorious especailly in cover with the impacts taking cues from the movie. It’s a good intro to Scott’s world and ther’es a reason the movie adapts this book the closest as it sets up the cast and premise well, with only Stephen Stiles feeling a bit off and ONLY for the first few chapters.  The volume is only really held back by it’s pacing, as before Scott runs into ramona in his dream the story feels a bit sluggish as we’re just watching some douche date a high school kid. While it is necessary to set up the world, it just dosen’t have the snappy pacing the series would be known for and that makes the rest of the series more charming. it’s nto BAD.. but it’s not FANTASTIC like the series would become. What keeps it from being bad is simple: These aren’t general badness signs but more just O’Malley coming into his owna nd getitng better and better as the book goes, to the point that by the next book the pacing is much better and by book 3 onwards he has it down pat.  Overall not a BAD volume but certaionly the weakest of the bunch.. which given it’s still really good says something about the ride we’re in for. I’ll be back sometime in the future, likely january. Yup i’m taking on YET ANOTHER PROJECT. but since this one, while clearly exausting and time consuimg, is much shorter in overall length, and i’m still proritizing the three I have running over this, I think i’ll be just fine. Until next time, have a happy holiday. 

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

~Jungkook Scenario~

You were pacing back and forth in the studio, feeling quite nervous to meet all of the boys. When they asked you to collaborate with them on a song on their new album, you honestly thought you had been dreaming. The biggest band in the world wanted your vocals for a song? It almost sounded too good to be true. Your manager had worked out all of the details and now here you were, at their company waiting in their studio to meet all of them and go over the details of the song. 

You could hear voices from the end of the hall and excited yells. Well it’s now or never, you think to yourself. The door opens and you are first met with Jungkook and Taehyung stumbling through the door. Your eyes widen in shock as they both almost go tumbling onto the floor. 

“Ah can’t you guys just behave for two seconds?!” Jin is right behind them and scolds them for wrestling with each other. 

“Sorry hyung. We were just really excited to meet y/n.” Your eyes widen in surprise. 

“Me? You were excited to meet me?”

“Of course! I’m a really big fan of yours, I love your music. Your voice is beautiful.” Jungkook smiles sweetly at you and holds his hand out to introduce himself. “I’m Jungkook.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Jungkook. Um, I am a really big fan of you guys and I really like your voice too. It’s really healing.” You smile back at him and swear you see the tips of his ears turn red as he shies away at your compliment. 

The others all come up to you next and introduce themselves. And you shake each one of their hands, giving a friendly smile to all of them. They all seem very eager to work with you over the next few days. Even though you are only singing the chorus of the song you still want to see the whole process from start to finish. You are genuinely curious about how everything comes together for them.

“So y/n would you like to get started on everything tomorrow? This first day was just kind of a chance for us to all meet each other and go over the details of the expectations for the next week to come.” 

“Oh sure that sounds good to me! It’s still early in the day though don’t you want to get started on anything?”

“Nope! Take a day off and explore the city! Go get something to eat and just relax today.” All of the members start to leave the room except Jungkook who remains standing and fidgeting with his hands like he’s nervous to ask you something. 

“Are you alright, Jungkook?”

“Um.. well I was just thinking since you really don’t know your way around or anything maybe we could um.. I mean I could show you around and take you out to eat somewhere. Not on like a date or anything we just met- ahh, just as friends? Fellow artists?” You can’t help but immediately find him adorable. That confidence he greeted you with earlier was gone now that he was alone with you, and you found his shyness incredibly endearing. 

“I would really appreciate that. Thank you!” 

“Okay! I'll take you to this really good BBQ place, we go there all the time!” 

“Should we see if the other members want to join us?”

“Um.. If you want I can ask them.” By the way he’s nervously shuffling his feet you think maybe he would prefer it to just be the both of you. 

“Actually no, that’s okay. They seemed pretty tired and like they wanted to go home. We can just hang out the two of us.” His eyes light up at that and you realize you’re in big trouble when you see how doe like his eyes are. You knew you wouldn’t ever be able to say no to him and would probably give him your car if he asked you for it.

You two go out together and have a really good time. Jungkook orders almost one of every thing he possibly can so you can ‘really experience Korea through the food’. You won't lie, everything tasted amazing and you probably ate more than half of it. Although he was a little shy at first, Jungkook quickly opened up to you and you two were talking to one another like you were friends your whole lives. You stay in the restaurant and talk and drink until it’s starting to get dark outside. 

“I should probably head back to my hotel now.”

“Oh. Do you want me to walk you back? Or call a cab for you?”

“I think I got it, but thank you. You go home and rest. We have a busy day tomorrow.” You smile at him and give his hand a squeeze where it’s resting on the table.  “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See you. Be safe getting home!” You nod and exit the restaurant, not able to see the absolutely smitten expression he has on his face as you are walking out. 

“You are whipped for y/n already and you just met.” Jungkook startles out of his daydream-like state to find Taehyung and Jimin are sitting at the table right next to him. 

“When did you guys get here?”

“We’ve been here for the past hour you just didn’t notice because you were busy making lovey eyes at y/n.”

“I was not!”

“You totally were.”

“No I wasn’t!” 

“Stop fighting you two everyone is staring at you.” Jimin whispers harshly. They quiet down immediately and Jungkook stands up to leave. 

“Kookie, just be careful, okay? You get attached to people really easily and y/n isn’t going to be here for long. I just don’t want you to get hurt if the feelings aren’t mutual.”

“I won’t hyung. I don’t even have feelings that way we’re just friends. I’ll see you tomorrow at the studio.” And just like that he’s out the door. Taehyung and Jimin turn back to each other both with contemplative looks on their faces.

“Are you thinking what I am thinking my dear Jiminie?”

“Should we?”

“Maybe try to get them together?”

“He won't get hurt if y/n falls for him too.” 

“That’s a great idea. We shall put our plan in effect tomorrow. Operation make y/n fall for Jungkook is a go.” 

You arrive at the studio and see Jimin and Taehyung snickering amongst themselves and you are immediately suspicious. Even though you just met them yesterday, from being a fan of BTS for so long now you knew they were plotting something. 

“What are you two doing?”

“Nothing y/n! Hey did you know Jungkook has moved some people to tears with his vocals?”

“And he always gets the choreography down by like 2 run throughs and he has it completely memorized.”

“He’s called our golden maknae for a reason.”

“But don’t let that baby face fool you underneath that soft exterior is a body sculpted by the Greek Gods.” You furrows your brows at them.

“I am aware of this I saw the fake love performances you know.” You chuckle at their expressions. “Now what are you two up to? Seriously?”

“Nothing! I swear! I just wanted you to know how amazing of a guy our Jungkookie is.” 

“Yeah he’s also really gentle and soft too. And he’s such a sweetie! Like, really when he was younger he used to come into both of our rooms at night and want to cuddle it was the cutest thing! And also-” Jungkook arrives at this point and Jimin and Taehyung quickly go silent. 

“What were you guys talking about me or something?”

“No! No we were just trying to get to know y/n a little bit better that’s all.” 

“Hmm, sure you were. You know I’ve known you guys for nearly a decade I know when you’re lying, but I’ll let it slide.” Jungkook looks away from them and his eyes meet yours and he smiles at you. 

“Hi y/n.” 

“Hi Jungkook.” The other members arrive right after that and you soon get to work on recording the song. They already had the lyrics written and the melody. All you needed to do was record your part. When you finish your vocals all of the members are clapping and cheering loudly for you.

“That was perfect y/n! This is going to take a lot less time than we thought because you are perfectly on key.” You blush at their praises and thank them. 

“Hey maybe Jungkook and y/n should sing a harmony together for the chorus. Their voices sound really lovely together don’t you think?” Jimin offers. The other seem to think this over and Yoongi hums in agreement. 

“I agree. Jungkook go into the booth and record with y/n.” He walks in and you both sing the chorus together, this time with Jungkook harmonizing perfectly with you. He truly has the voice of an angel and you forget to keep singing halfway through it due to how mesmerized you are by his voice, making you have to start over and record again. When you both are finished Jungkook smiles at you. 

“You sounded perfect. Really your voice is amazing y/n.” Your own smile widens in return. 

“Thank you. You did too but, you always sound amazing. I could listen to you sing for hours.”

“Quit flirting and get out so the rest of us can record our stuff too.” Yoongi says in a teasing way. You both hastily look away from each other and walk out of the booth, allowing the rap line to go in and record their parts next. You are left with the vocal line. Jimin has a cup of coffee in his hands and every time he laughs he comes dangerously close to spilling it on Jungkook with the way he throws his whole body into it. After one particularly funny dad joke Jimin laughs hysterically and let’s the coffee spill out onto Jungkook’s shirt. You swear he did it on purpose.

“Ah Jimin! My shirt is gonna be ruined now. Damnit this coffee is so hot it’s burning my skin.” 

“I’m sorry Jungkookie! Take your shirt off before it burns you!” Jungkook immediately complies and you can’t help but let your eyes drift down to his stomach. Seeing him in person is nothing compared to the music video, you think to yourself. Jungkook wipes the coffee of of his stomach and turns to you before his cheeks become bright red when he notices you staring. 

“Um.. sorry I’ll just go grab one of the hyungs’ hoodies and put it on.” He quickly scurries away from you into the recording booth. Namjoon lends him his hoodie but before he can put it on, you find yourself staring at the way the muscles in his back and shoulders move as he puts the hoodie on. 

“Hmm, see? We told you.” Jimin says with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Are you guys trying to set me up with Jungkook or something?” Their eyes widen for a moment and you know right then you had caught them, no matter how much they vehemently tried to deny it. Jungkook comes back into the room with the rest of you and sits down on the couch.

“So um, what are we doing tomorrow then?” You ask Jin. 

“Practicing the choreography for the music video.” 

“Oh? I’m going to be in the music video with you guys too?!”

“Yeah of course! You deserve to be seen for your hard work too.” 

“That would be so cool! I can’t wait!”

Now that you were aware of Taehyung and Jimin’s little game they were playing with you and Jungkook you couldn’t help but completely give in to whatever they were trying to get you two to do. Whether it was adding in more choreography parts where you and Jungkook danced together, accidentally bumping into you during practice so you’d run into him, or making him wrap his arms around you to steady you.

It was the end of the 3rd day of your dance practices and the others are getting ready to leave. You are still standing in front of the mirror trying to get the one part of the choreography down still. Dancing isn’t really a part of what you normally do and you find yourself falling behind the others who have been doing this for so long.

“Y/n are you coming?” Jimin asks. 

“I think I’m going to stay here and keep working on this.” 

“Oh? I can help you!” Hoseok offers. But Jimin and Taehyung are quick to shut him down. 

“No no hyung! You always help us maybe let someone else help y/n so you can get a break.”

“Yeah maybe Jungkook could help?” 

“But-” Hoseok is suddenly being dragged out the door by the two of them with a confused look on his face. It’s just you and Jungkook left in the studio now. You notice the way his chest is heaving up and down and see how tired he looks. 

“You can go if you want, Jungkook. I can keep practicing by myself, it’s okay.”

“It’s okay! Really,  I’d be more than happy to help you.” You continue to practice as Jungkook observes you. He has this professional air about him as he watches you, and you know now he’s taking this seriously. 

“Ah, hang on you aren’t moving your hips right that’s why.” He demonstrates for you and you try it again but still just can’t get it quite right. “I’ll show you.” He walks up to you and places his hands on your hips showing you how to move them. He’s being strictly professional right now but your heart is racing in your chest at the feeling of his hands on you. You didn’t need Jimin and Taehyung’s help to like Jungkook, you started developing a crush on him the moment you saw him. But the more time you spent together and the more you got to see the real him you started to develop feelings for him. 

“Y/n?”

“Huh?” You are snapped out of your daze by his voice.

“I asked if you were ready to try yourself now.”

“Oh yeah sorry.” You attempt the choreography again and judging by the smile on Jungkook’s face you must have done it right.

“That was perfect. You’re a fast learner.”

“Well I have a pretty great teacher.” You say with a smile. Jungkook thanks you and smiles back. An idea suddenly pops into your head as you walk over to the speaker and hook your phone up to it.

“Y/n what are you doing?”

“We’ve worked hard the past few days I think we deserve to just let go and have fun.” You put on Anpanman much to Jungkook’s surprise. 

“Waiting for your Anpanmaaaan.” You shout. When the beat kicks in you start dancing around like you would if you were home alone. But you find you can just let go and be yourself around Jungkook without fear of being embarrassed. He immediately bursts out laughing but not in a way that is meant to make fun of you, he is completely amused by you singing along to one of their songs in broken Korean and trying to dance their choreography. He gets off the floor and soon joins you, grabbing your hands and dancing around the studio with you and singing along loudly and badly, not even trying to sound good. It feels nice to just let go with you. The joyful smile on your face and seeing you laugh and have fun with him was what sent his heart into overdrive. He realizes in this moment that he really really likes you and that honestly scares him a little bit as he remembers what Taehyung and Jimin said. By the end of the song you both collapse onto the floor together, breathing loudly but laughing to yourselves. 

“That was fun.” He turns to look at you and you turn your gaze on him too. He’s absolutely beaming at you and his nose is doing that cute thing where it scrunches and before you can stop yourself you scoot over to place a peck on his lips. When you pull away his mouth is hanging open in shock. He says nothing, as if his brain has stopped working for a moment. 

“Jungkook?”

“D-did you just kiss me?”

“I did.. I’m sorry should I not have? Am I reading this all wrong?”

“No, God no I just can’t believe you kissed me.” After he recovers from the initial surprise he leans in and presses his lips to your own. You roll over onto your back and he chases after you, never letting his lips disconnect from yours. You both are completely lost in one another and don’t hear the studio door open. 

“Ah, Taehyung that fool forgot his phone and made me come back here to get- OH MY GOD YOU TWO!” Jimin yells. Jungkook slowly breaks away from you and glares at Jimin. “Our plan worked! HA!” 

“Plan? What plan? What’s going on?”

“Taehyung and I tried to get you two together and it worked!” 

“We just kissed Jimin it’s not a big deal.” Your heart sinks at that and Jungkook hears the breath leave you as if the wind was knocked out of you. “Oh gosh no I didn’t mean it like that y/n. It’s a very big deal to me and it meant a lot to me.” The smile returns to your face hearing that. 

“Uh, I’ll just grab Taehyung’s phone and go then sorry!” Jimin runs to the corner of the room and quickly grabs it and leaves. All of the stress and tension leaves your bodies as you both start laughing. 

“I had a feeling those two were up to something.” You say.

“I did too. It was so obvious I just didn’t think it was.. this.” He rests his forehead against your own and you both lay there for a few moments letting your breathing calm down. 

“I really like you y/n.” He says against your lips before kissing you again.

“I really like you too.” 

“So what does this mean then? You’re leaving after the music video shoot is done aren’t you?”

“I mean.. I can stay longer if you want me too. I don’t have anything scheduled until next month. I was taking some time off for myself so... Maybe an extended vacation in Seoul?” 

“That sounds perfect.”

[eeveedel]

Hi all, I haven’t recced some fics in awhile but...today is fic writers appreciation day! And there are so many fics that I love so very much and have brought so much happiness into my life. 

And it just so happens I have a personal document where i’ve kept track of fics I’ve read for the past 3-4 years, categorized by tropes. So I thought it would be fun to rec you my all-time favorite fic from each of my personal categories! There are so many good fics so I hope you enjoy. And if you want a full fic rec list for any of these categories, please tell me! 

And a big thank you again to all of the lovely authors out there, I hope you have a lovely day and now how valued your work is. 

A/B/O

Sisterwives by jaerie

This was it, the moment Louis had been waiting for his entire life. Giddy excitement bubbled up as he held hands and stared up at his soon-to-be alpha and husband and grinned. The ceremony was small and simple, but Louis didn’t mind. Fresh flowers pinned into his hair and a brand new outfit was all he needed to feel special in front of their few witnesses. It was just some members of his family and a few of the church elders in attendance as was customary for any marriage beyond the first wife within the faith.

First wives were the ones to have elaborate weddings with the whole community involved. An alpha’s first wedding was a celebration of an their coming of age, his first steps into fulfilling God’s prophecy. There were many glories for an omega that came with being a first wife but also many responsibilities. Louis had never aspired to be a first wife or even a second. He wasn’t experienced enough to be the leader of an alpha’s many wives and children and he didn’t think he’d be up to the task.

Louis was just fine in the position he was stepping into as the seventh.

Or Louis thinks he's getting everything he's ever dreamed of. Harry helps him find what makes him truly happy.

Action/Adventure 

The Dead of July by whimsicule

Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

Age Gap

White Pages, White Lace, Big Hands, Pretty Face by thechesirepussycat

“He touches his sides, his neck, his lips, all the places Harry has just been, all the places that still tingle from Harry’s touch. Such a strange feeling Louis has, so unreal and nerve-racking. He can’t begin to describe what Harry has done to him, what about Harry makes Louis want to call him… Daddy.“

Or, a gratuitous Sugar Daddy!Harry and Student!Louis AU.

Angst

Bot by tomlinsunshine (11k)

Zayn builds robots; Harry is a big fan of his latest model.

Break Up

got the sunshine on my shoulders by hattalove

five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn't have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he's rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he's forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who's spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.

(or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

Canon

nonstop earthquake dreams of you by lumineres

And there's heat behind it, blazing, plasmatic, like stars crashing together, like an explosion in space, like a supernova, like a black hole--everything else sucked out of existence. There's no bed and there's no pillow and they're not lying down, just floating somewhere, somehow, and there's no room and there's no X Factor house and there's no Niall snuffling or Liam's deep, even breathing and there's no wind or traffic outside and there's no hum of the heating unit and it's all just Louis. All encompassingly Louis.

or, harry falls hard and finds louis already at the bottom

Classics

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy and gloria_andrews

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

College/Uni 

Could be Kissing My Fruit Punch Lips by thechesirepussycat

Harry happens upon a porn site that specializes in live videos and sort of falls in love with the cute boy he only knows as Kitty.

And then he gets the surprise of his life when he finds out Kitty attends his university...

Crime

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by haroldslouis 

1997 AU where Harry is a bank robber and Louis falls in love with him

Dom/Sub

No Control Club series by SadaVeniren

Harry, a popular BDSM blogger, writes a negative review about Louis’ club. Louis wants to have a chance to make it up to him.

Dunkirk/Alex

Poison & Wine by tilthesundies

Alex comes home from the war to find a stranger living in his flat.

Dystopian/Apocalypse

things have gotten closer to the sun by starseas

when a solar flare is announced to end the world in twelve days, harry reunites with the people that he used to know better than the back of his own hand.

Enemies to Lovers

you flower, you feast by stylinsoncity 

He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.

(Despite not having a soul.)

And along came "Harry"

Established Relationship

I Only Ever Want You by itsmiz

Louis and Harry's relationship goes through a series of changes while Liam and Zayn discover new things about themselves, as well.

Or: Louis & Harry and Liam & Zayn begin to have sex in front of each other and a lot of kink-discovery results from that.

Fairy Tale

Red by frosteddream 

Shockwaves were sent through the village after the McPherson family was savagely killed. There were people who feared the beast that did it, and then there was Louis, or, as most people liked to call him, Red. (Little Red Riding Hood AU.)

Fake Dating 

And Then a Bit by infinitelymint

Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.

Famous (non-1D AU)

a million roses (bathed in rock n roll) by deLILah 

au. harry sings in smoky dive bars; louis misses his flight home. they go to coney island in the morning.

(aka - harry is lana del rey, and louis makes him a star.)

Fashion

Just my style by thoughtsickles

Harry is sick, and the only thing that might help him is the pheromones from his mate--problem is, he hasn't got a mate.

Louis' just been disowned, and taking part in a medical study where he has to cuddle with some strange alpha seems to be his only option for earning a bit of cash.

The hippies and Omega Rights campaigners are busy changing the world--but all Harry wants is a chance to live.

Fluff

Dreaming of You by velvetoscar

The Begrudging Starbucks AU.

The world is winter and steamed milk and creamy espresso shots. The world is a never ending queue. The world is a Starbucks logo and a pink-cheeked smile from Niall and a bored scowl from Zayn and the world is Louis watching his best mate, Liam, fall in love with their newest customer, Harry. Who may or may not be in love with Louis. The world is cruel.

Frat

Soft Feet, Fast Hands, Can’t Lose by dolce_piccante

American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

Friends to Lovers

OmegaVision by jaerie 

Tomlin Networks Presents: OmegaVision starring Louis Tomlinson! The world's first 24/7 reality channel available in over 150 countries worldwide following the life of the first male omega born in over a century. Follow Louis through his daily routine, the ups and downs of growing up or just leave him on for comfort. There are many reasons to tune in but, no matter what yours may be, there's always a part of Louis that is just like you!

Or a Truman Show au that nobody asked for where Louis is Truman and Harry just wants to be his mate

Girl Direction

Never Enough by idekboo

Louis couldn't get enough of Harry and that gorgeous body of hers. She wasn't shy about letting her know.

High School

I found a love (darling just dive right in) by wonderlou

Louis, an omega with very little control. Harry, an alpha with a lot of emotion. Neither of them have any idea what do to with this little thing called love, but they'll be damned if they don't put up a good fight.

Historical

Coax the Cold by MediaWhore 

England, 1897.

English Professor Louis Tomlinson’s passion for the occult has been a source of mockery and derision for most of his life. When he hears whispers of a travelling freak show newly established in London claiming the existence of a monstrous sea hybrid, half-man, half-fish, Louis sees it as his ticket to credibility amongst his peers. The summer he spends undercover working on the show, however, gives him much more than that.

Miscellaneous/Unique

the impossible now by stylinsoncity

A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction.

Mpreg

The Things I’d Do to Wake Up Next to You by dirtymattress (36k)

Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

Mythology

Say Hallelujah, Say Goodnight by alivingfire

Louis is an angel who is just a little too bad to be good, Harry is a demon who is just a little too good to be bad, and they're both a little too in love to be impartial when angels and demons go to war.

PWP

mr. tomlinson by iwillpaintasongforlou

Louis is a billionaire CEO who makes grown men cry and rival companies crumble. He's also an omega. Harry is the quiet cupcake of a man he calls his alpha and the only one who gets to see Louis as anything less than fearsome.

Roommates

streetwise hercules by bottomlinsons

Uni AU, where Louis pretends to be Harry's boyfriend to scare away his one night stands.

Royalty

feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream by togetherwecouldbealright 

Harry is a journalist with a lot of secrets and Louis is the future king of the United Kingdom; they live together for 60 days.

Spies

never gonna dance again by togetherwecouldbealright

Louis is a spy and Harry is a dancer. The only real thing they know is each other.

Soulmates

Nameless Night by green_feelings

For their 18th birthday, every person receives a letter that reads a simple date. That is the date you'll meet your soulmate.

Harry and Louis have different beliefs, live in different worlds and have different dreams, hopes and fears. Yet, they're not so different from each other when it comes to love. When their paths cross, there is no doubt they belong together. Except for that one, essential difference: they didn't receive the same date.

Or, a fic about differences that make no difference at all: Harry and Louis are soulmates. In every way possible. Featuring Niall as a role model, and Liam and Zayn as a different kind of role models.

Summer Romance

Rivers til I Reach You by embodied

AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

Supernatural

Howls Like a Beast (You Flower, You Feast) by indiaalaphawhiskey (16k)

France, 1754. Château de Versailles.

“You don’t love me,” Louis had said, utterly blasé as he callously fractured the heart of a Harry that was just barely eighteen.

“I do,” Harry had insisted pleadingly, green eyes already watering.

Louis had rolled his eyes, exasperated and flippant in the way only beautiful, young boys could be when faced with the affections of a baby prince. He had run his finger down Harry’s cheek then, had forced him to look into his eyes as he delivered the final blow.

“You’ll change your mind once you’ve seen more of the world,” Louis had teased, pressing a brutally delicate kiss onto Harry’s lovely, pure cheek. “Once you’ve been properly defiled.” He had whispered filthily, delighted by the gasp he heard, the frantic pink blush that had rested high on Harry’s cheeks, the power he had felt at knowing he could make the Crown Prince squirm.

[nobodyfamousposts]

You know I was watching a video by overly sarcastic productions and I’m pretty sure that from that definition Adrien is a Mary Sue. The episode was Trope Talks: Mary Sues.

Pretty much Adrien is this to a T.

I hear people throwing the term around a lot and complaining about the term being thrown around a lot but I think what ends up being missed is what actually constitutes a Mary Sue in the first place.

A Mary Sue is not a character who is overpowered or “too strong” like the complaints about Captain Marvel. If that was true, then literally every anime protagonist or super hero that exists is a Mary Sue by default. Every one. Ever.

Nor is it someone with a tragic backstory like Batman or any other long line of superheroes or anime protagonists. Whether it’s dead parents, a past trauma, abuse, bullying, or just a conga line of horrible circumstances, plenty of characters have had bad things happen to them. That’s kind of part of life and what makes them relatable and sympathetic.

It’s not even someone who is loved by many people. Or is a good judge of character. Or whom manages to talk someone into a heel-face turn. Regardless of what claims may come, these are not what make a character a Mary Sue.

What makes a Mary Sue—the central core aspect of what makes a character problematic all boils down to how the narrative itself treats the character.

The narrative is generally indicative of the author’s own preferences or leanings. We see it all the time with stories that create straw characters to symbolize people the author doesn’t like or things the author doesn’t agree with in order to belittle it. The opposite can just as easily occur where a character or position is hyped up to look better or promote what the author wants promoted.

Those previously mentioned tropes are a sign of that. For a Mary Sue, everything from powers to past traumas to relationships are all just “things“ for the character to have. Whether to emphasize their importance or to highlight their greatness. While they’re not necessarily what automatically makes a character a Mary Sue, they are often utilized as tools by the narrative for the sake of propping the character that is a Sue. That’s why they’re easy to pick out and attribute to a Mary Sue as well as used to claim characters are Sues. Because they are tools used to try to make people support a character instead of actually making a character people can like and WANT to support.

A Mary Sue is given powers for the sake of making the character awesome without the character actually doing anything to be awesome. A Mary Sue is is given a tragic backstory for the sake of making the character sympathetic without the character actually doing anything to warrant sympathy. A Mary Sue is given relationships for the sake of being the center of attention and adoration by other characters to shell how awesome they are without having to do anything to show how or why anyone would or should actually like them. Any relationships a Mary Sue has are NOT legitimate connections between two or more people, they’re just labels to slap on the Mary Sue to make the character seem more relevant and important.

Ultimately, a Mary Sue supplants the story for the sake of having this character BE the story, and it’s a major reason why they are despised in most fandoms. A reason that, sad to say, was actually deserved in the early days of fan works.

That said…

Adrien IS a prime example of a Mary Sue because of the way the narrative is going out of its way to portray him. Even the creator has come out and said he is “perfect” and that any flaw he could have isn’t actually on him so much as an indication of something being wrong with the world around him. Anything bad that happens, even as a direct result of that character’s own actions, is portrayed as being the fault of anyone and everyone else but that character, in this case Adrien. That, RIGHT THERE is pretty much the epitome of what a Mary Sue IS.

Some call it an ego trip. Some call it a power fantasy. Many consider it as a sort of reality warper. It’s ultimately the case when the story is being turned in on itself to make this character look good without the character actually DOING anything to BE good and even when the character is specifically doing things that AREN’T good.

This is why Bella Swan from Twilight is a certifiable Mary Sue.

This is why it can be argued that Rey from Star Wars is a Mary Sue.

This is why Anita Blake is definitely a Mary Sue.

And this is what separates Adrien from Marinette. And Adrien from pretty much everyone else in the series.

It’s not that he has superpowers—if anything, I think he got cheated in the powers department, all things considered. No, it’s the way he doesn’t seem to take those powers or the responsibilities that come with them seriously. Given that he has had THREE instances already in which he threw a major fit in the middle of an akuma battle because he wasn’t happy about something only for him to be shown as being RIGHT to do so even to the detriment of his partner, his Miraculous, and ultimately all of Paris.

It’s not that he has a missing mom and a neglectful dad, it’s how the narrative keeps emphasizing how sad Adrien is without actually DOING anything with it so they can milk the “Sadrien” angle. Because let’s face it, seeing Adrien looking sad sells.

It’s not that he has multiple girls who like him. I mean, he’s a model, and is rich and famous. I’d be surprised if he didn’t have multiple girls who were into him.

No, it’s in the over the top emphasis of his supposed greatness. It’s in this consistent impression the narrative is giving that the female lead we are supposed to be rooting for—whom we all KNOW has gone well out of her way to do things for him, try to make him happy even to her own detriment, and has struggled more than any rational person should be willing to just to try confessing to the guy is somehow the one side of the love square that “isn’t trying hard enough”.

It’s in the way he is always portrayed as being the “moral voice” and the one in the right in any situation regardless of how little he’s involved or even understands what’s going on. Whether it was lecturing people on how to deal with a bully or for being happy when their bully was leaving (when he was never actually a target of that bully). Or lecturing people on how to deal with a liar (when again, he wasn’t the one being played or threatened). Or threatening to quit when Paris was flooded by an akuma all because he wasn’t being told secrets that he wasn’t showing he was ready to know and that his tantrum CERTAINLY didn’t show he was ready or mature enough for.

It’s in the back and forth on whether he is supposed to be the epitome of “perfection” and the wise person everyone should listen to only to suddenly be made out as the innocent victim of everyone else when his less than noble or heroic behaviors are pointed out in order to excuse or justify his behaviors. (I call it the Standard Adrien Defense and it follows this trend each time.)

It’s in the clear and blatant double standard between what Adrien/Chat is allowed to do and get away with vs what is allowed from anyone else. It’s in the way that Adrien can do things that anyone can agree is wrong without getting so much as a lecture but anyone else in his place will—and have been raked over the coals by the same narrative that gives him the equivalent of a pat on the head and a cookie.

It’s in the way he’s just…there. He has the plot connections. He has the relevance. He has the position of being at the center of quite literally everything from the villain’s plans and motivations to the adoration of the female lead…and he does NOTHING with any of it.

And it’s in the way that no matter what he does or what side he takes, the narrative always ALWAYS frames him as being the one in the right when there’s a conflict, the one to sympathize with when he and another character are hurt, and the one we as the audience are supposed to agree with and support more in any situation.

And the truly sad thing is that Adrien as a character has potential. From a humorous character to a serious one, from the wise and introspective person to the wide-eyed innocent being thrown into the hero job, there was SO MUCH that could have been done with his character. Instead, Adrien is reactionary. Anything involving him is less a matter of what he personally is doing and more about what is being done to or for him. He has no dreams or aspirations other than being with the main female character, has no interests to speak of, and his other relationships actually seem pretty lacking—again, based less on what HE’S doing and more on what other people are doing to and/or for HIM. He somehow has a wide-ranging impact without actually taking action.

As it stands, Canon Adrien is about as real as the cardboard cutout or wax statue of him. To the point he might as well be either for all that he actually seems to accomplish. Because nothing annoys fans or creates salt quite like wasted potential, and that’s all canon Adrien is at this point.

That’s why Fandom Adrien is awesome, whether he’s portrayed as being dense as a brick, showing a polite exterior while internally screaming, acting like a massive dork, or just acting passive aggressive in how he deals with his father and people like Chloe or Lila. Because however way he’s being made to deal with the crazy situations the fans put him in, he’s at least doing SOMETHING besides standing there and looking pretty for people to fawn/fight over.

Strangely enough, this may be the first case I’ve seen where fans have taken a Mary Sue and made him a real character rather than the other way around.

[kingneptunesthinninghead]

How much do you weigh? what a weirdly personal question

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? sitting in the shade reading a book

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? yes but not in a way that will ever be truly fulfilling

What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? i live in a very rural area so i grew up with hunting for sport extremely normalized but once i actually developed and used my critical thinking skills i realized how morally reprehensible it is. literally just begging these people to use their brains.

Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? eh its pretty fast

Have you ever been someplace tropical? florida lmao

Are you sensitive to caffeine? somewhat. i dont really consume it that much

How do you usually get around? driving myself

Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? no bc i’m generally pretty independent unless i reallyyyy like someone

What do you think about Kim Kardashian? neutral

Can you speak any French? je parle un peu français

Favorite yogurt flavor? i’m lactose intolerant so i recently tried dairy free yogurt and i hated it sooo i guess none

How much money do you have in your wallet right now? i dont have any cash in my wallet rn lol

What bottled water brand do you like? deer park or aquafina

Your favorite way to eat chocolate? brownies

How often do you listen to country music? sometimes.

Linkin Park or Avenged Sevenfold? neither

Last surgery you had? my wisdom teeth surgery

Have you ever played guitar? no but i wish i could

Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? um i dont think so

What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? a little more confidence

Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? maybe

Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? i dont have very many online friends anymore but when i had a bunch i loved talking to them

Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? only for something i really like.

Do you have any stickers on your laptop? a bunch

Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? early in the morning so then i have the rest of the day to myself when i get off

Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? i have a workout app but that’s it.

Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? my mom, sister, and my 2 best friends

If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? probably the women’s suffrage movement or the civil rights movement

Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it?i want to tell him how i feel but i’m afraid i’ll ruin the friendship

What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? wear a tampon i’m sorry but i can’t do it

Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever come to your door? no

Are you well-known by people in your area? eh somewhat

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no and i dont want to

What's your favourite type of bird? owls!!

What tv show(s) have you been watching currently? i’m watching loki, hsmtmts, planning to watch s2 of never have i ever, and i started one piece but i haven’t watched in a while

Have you ever dated a smoker? no but that might change😳

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? no

Have you ever been a member in a band? No.

Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No.

Do you have separate emails for personal and business? i have my school email and personal email

Have you ever missed a flight? no

Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? i think so.

Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? i literally rode in my best friend’s convertible last night lmao

Why did you last need to use a band-aid? i dont remember

What fruit do you eat most often? bananas and clementines

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? maybe my great uncle?

Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? no but i’ve been in a few on insta and twitter.

Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? i don’t straight up drink milk but i love things made with almond milk.

If you could experience life as a Disney princess for a week, which princess would you pick and why? elsa i want ice powers

When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? sometimes but normally during the day i’m in the living room with my family

If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No.

Do you find piercings attractive? Yep.

Do you like potato chips? Loooove 'em.

What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? i’ve looked up a few people’s houses on zillow in my day.

Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? absolutely, you shouldn’t hit anyone

What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? my top 3 are princess and the frog, tangled, and frozen 2. i also love the little mermaid

Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. idrk

“Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? it depends on what it is. it should also be mixed with some loving or praise talk imo

What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? i LOVE italian food specifically fettuccine alfredo and i also love asian food such as general tso’s, sweet and sour chicken, lo mein, shrimp fried rice, LUMPIA 🤤

How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? i’ve always liked my hair color and thickness. i always go back and forth between growing it out long and cutting it short bc i can never choose which i like more also it has lots of red undertones so i’m thinking about dyeing it a deep red

How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? hypothetically it would be a red flag to me. a clear sign they haven’t moved on from the past

Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? a good smelling cologne on a man will quite literally make me bust a nut.

Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? i’d want them to unless it didnt fit or something

What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? i’m very close with my family so i’ve always loved the idea of having one of my own with my future spouse

Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? i definitely have ideas for my wedding and i would want it to go a certain way according to our plan but in the end if things go wrong or plans change it wouldn’t matter as long as i’m marrying the loml.

Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? i wouldn’t consider it cheating if he was just watching but i would be angry that he hid it from me

How old is too old for trick-or-treating? i dont think it matters unless ur posing a danger to little children

Do you sleep with your arms over or under the covers? depends but mostly under

Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band? i have nsync and harry styles shirts but thats it

Fries or onion rings? Fries.

True/False: you’ve had an odd dream this week. all the time but most of the time i forget them right after i wake up

Do you find tattoo sleeves attractive? depends

Do you like carving pumpkins? Yeah.

What’s an animal you want to have as a pet but can’t? i think raccoons are adorable but its kindaaaa hard to domesticate them

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? no bc my parents let me drink in the house and i’ve told them abt every time i’ve drank at college

How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? i would absolutely piss and shit on myself.

Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? no

The person you have a crush on is drunk and goes to kiss you, you know they don’t realize what they’re doing, but do you kiss anyways? i would stop it even if i want to bc i don’t want them to regret anything and i wouldn’t want them to kiss me if they don’t like me bc it would hurt too much.

What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? i would love them all but something abt a guy taking the time to write a poem for me makes me melt

Do you any shirts with any kind of images of food on them? no.

Which holiday is the most fun to decorate for? halloween

What was the first website you had an email account on? gmail

Have you ever written a fanfic? YES AHSHDH.

Tattoos or piercings? tats for sure.

What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? the scene where alexei breaks the inmate’s wrist in black widow is SO GROSS i cringe every time

Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? definitely a little cozy one

Do you have a tutor for anything? No.

Who’s the best kisser you know? i’ve only kissed one person.

Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. I'd like it to stay that way.

(If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? no and i hope they dont

Do you have a deep voice? not really

Do you play games with boys/girls, like 'hard to get’? no thats dumb

Is there a Sonic where you live? yes i’m a whore for sonic

What do you like on your pizza? pepperoni or sausage

[inforapound]

Emboîté - Epilogue

A/N - Posting this feels a little trivial with what is going on out there in the world but I hope a few of you enjoy it. It's terribly fluffy and indulgent with a splash of angst. This series is dedicated to my friend @youbloodymadgenius​

Pairing – Ivar and Sarah  (Aethelswith)    Words – 5,600 approx

“Are you ready?”

“We don’t know that they are here for me,” I replied over my shoulder from where I sat at the end of the bed.

“Why else would the poachers of the Paris Ballet be sitting in on rehearsal?”

“They are not poacher,” I smacked my lips. “They attended the performance last night, so the company invited them as a courtesy.”

“Did they sit in on Giovanna’s practice?”

There was a lift to his voice. The same rise in tone he had whenever asking a question he already knew the answer to.

Clearing my throat, I threw a t-shirt on over my head, pushing my arms through the holes.

“Yes...”

“Hmm.”

Swiveling I looked at him. God, he could be smug….and sexy, lying in bed, propped up on pillows. The cover was tossed across his lower body shielding only part of his nakedness. For a man who worked out maybe three times a week, his body was a freaking work of art.

“What?” I asked as he caught me ogling his toned flesh, with a fat smirk on his face.

“I think you should just quit the ballet and... sit on my face professionally.”

“Oh yeah?” I flashed him a smile. “You, Ivar Lothbrok, couldn’t afford it.”

“Come here,” he smiled sitting up, motioning like he was going to reach for me.

Grimacing, I looked away, “I’m still feeling crummy.”

“Shutting me down twice in a row?” he groaned pretending to be defeated.

Glancing back, I shot him a look which turned his smile downright bratty. Standing, I headed to the dresser and opened the drawer, grabbing my dance gear for the day.

“Sarah?”

The pensiveness in his voice made me stop and turn back to him.  

“If you get an offer, how long before you leave?”

The muscles in my stomach knotted. Of course, I had been thinking about it as well, as much as I tried not to. Inhaling quietly, I noticed him working to keep his expression neutral, but I knew he was panicking inside. It was so endearing; it made my heart ache.

The past seven months of living together had been amazing… and accepting a dream offer, if one came, would be bittersweet. Spending Christmas, our birthdays, quiet evenings together, it just kept getting better and better. Yes, there had been hiccups and situations where we had to figure shit out but he had given me the space he promised. It was hard on him, the long practices, nonexistent weekends, rarely eating supper together, however, moving in and letting my apartment go, without question, was the right choice. Knowing I would always come home to him gave him a sense of relief and he relaxed with that feeling of security.

Watching him now, his eyes drifting from me, scanning the bedroom, biting his tongue at the state of his formally pristine apartment. My clothes and shoes were exploding out his walk-in closest, my makeup spread out over the top of the dresser, two, no three, half-empty glasses of water in this very room, my already swollen heart was about to rupture. How he opened his world to me made me cling to him even more, my level of sucky affection finally matching his. We were smitten, grotesquely in love, and living together felt so easy.

But now..... this... Paris...the possibility of it being real was confronting. Standing across the room, I could hear the gears in his head turn. God, I loved him.

“If I get an offer, I’m assuming I would need to be there in a few weeks.

Nodding he acknowledged what I said but remained quiet. His throat dipping noticeably with his swallow.

Looking down, I ran my toe over the callus on the inside of my other foot. “Would you come?” I glanced back up.

“Come?” He sat up from the pillows, his forehead scrunched in question.

“With your work and everything here, would you be able to move with me? To Paris? I know it’s asking a lot.”

“Really?” His smile broke, stretching across his bright face. “You want me to come?”

I nodded, my own smile mirroring his. “I didn't know if you’d be able to with work and... brotherly dynamics.”

“Fuck them,” he scoffed. “I work from home mostly and when I do go in, I feel like I want to murder everyone.”

“That’s normal,” I laughed, rolling my eyes.

“I could work remotely and just fly back once or twice a month. God, I’ve been stressing about this for months,” he groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. “How little we’d be able to see each other.”

As run down as I felt, I needed him. His support and sweetness reeling me in. Sparkling with excitement, his eyes landed on mine again and by the look on his face, his brain was racing through the logistics.

Stepping forward, I crawled onto the bed, climbing on hands and knees up his body as he flopped back into his pillows with a grin. Opening his arms, he beckoned me close and I lowered down onto his front, his arms folding around me, my face hovering over his. The elation and relief radiated off him like a fever and it only fuelled the warmth spreading through my body.  

My eyes roamed his perfect skin and refined features, vivid eyes, and smooth lips. Gah, over a year together and his handsomeness still made my stomach flip-flop. Reaching up, he swept the hair hanging against my cheek back, tucking it behind me ear, his hand lingering in place. Shutting my eyes, I leaned into it, my entire body beginning to wake. How? How could this man create such yearning? Satisfy me so intensely, every time.

Stroking his fingers across my jaw, he slid his palm under my chin, gently squeezing my throat before wrapping his large hand around the back of my neck.

“Baby,” his eyes flitted down to my parted lips. “Nothing can part us,” his words and breath danced across my mouth.

The muscles in my jaw and shoulders, back, and thighs relaxed, taking solace in his words. He must have felt my strain release, as his hold around me tightened, pulling me even closer, my face dropping down beside his head into the pillow. The long hours rehearsing six days a week and performing Thursday to Sunday had taken its toll. I was worn out and feeling vulnerable.

“You are working yourself too hard,” he spoke softly, the sound of his voice humming through his cheek into mine. “I can tell you need rest.”

“Just two more days and I can take all of Monday off. Maybe we can go somewhere.”

“Or... we can pretend we’re sick and camp out on the couch. Order food and play video games all day.”

Snorting I lifted my head, looking at him, “You mean, you will play video games and I‘ll sleep on the couch beside you.”

“Fuck yeah, sounds amazing,” he grinned again, showing his straight, white teeth.

“Hey,” my tone steadied, sounding serious and I watched his smile fade, his eyes searching mine. “I love you, Ivar.”

Tilting up, he kissed me. His warm mouth as soft and welcoming as always. His tongue skimmed across my lips, retreating and calling me to deepen the kiss. How easily his tender lips could sweep me away.

“Hmm,” a sound escaped me as I shifted the position of my head, my lips taking the lead. Having not made love in nearly two days, I felt starved for him to be inside me.

Breaking away, I lowered my face under his chin and gently sucked and kissed the skin of his throat. Dropping his hands to my ribs, his fingers dragged down my sides, his fingers exploring my panty-less skin. Moaning from the feel of my mouth on his collar bone, he grabbed the bottom of my shirt and started tugging.  

“This can go,” he said as I straightened letting him lift my shirt up over my head and arms, tossing it onto the floor.

His blue eyes scanned down my front, clearly adoring the features of my body. God, I needed him. Every part of him. He made me feel so beautiful.

Not waiting any longer, I dropped forward, pressing my breasts against his smooth broad chest, the sensation making me squirm. His mouth was hungry and when I brought my lips back to his, he held the sides of my face, devouring me, kissing with an edge of arousal that only stoked the fire between us.

Rolling my hips, I rubbed my tingling core along the length of his hardness causing him to hiss against my lips. Rocking upwards, he growled, the vibration rumbling up into my chest. Without breaking our mouths apart, I lifted and reached down between us grabbing the base of his cock and lined the tip up with my slick entrance. Gradually lowering down, his thickness and length spread my walls, pushing up to the back of my womb. Christ, it felt right, and we moaned into each other’s mouths.

As if sensing what he needed, I lifted, allowing him to rock up into me, slowly, languidly, driving his cock in and out. Breaking his mouth from mine, he closed his eyes, seeming to savour the feel of his steady strokes.

“Fuck,” I breathed, tipping my face up, my chin resting on his cheek.

Bending his legs, he dug his heels into the mattress and continued slowly pumping, every inch of his gorgeous cock, grating my sensitive insides. There was no roughness, no race, just slow rhythmic movements.

“My love,” I murmured, tilting my mouth toward his ear. “Just like that.”

“I know what you need,” he whispered sweetly, his hands running up and down my back.

“You do,” I closed my eyes knowing there was no truer an answer.

Over the months of living together, his touch and love-making had changed. There was an ease to it now. A contentment. His kisses were softer, more appreciating. Gone was the frenzied claiming and possessive handling from before. He loved with this new sense of trust, knowing that he truly held my heart.

His movements picked up speed, his hands sliding down to the cheeks of my ass. Gripping, he pulled me harder against him, spreading my bottom apart, the cool air hitting the back of my wetness as his shaft slid in and out. Squeezing harder, his hips began to snap against me, forcing me to curl my hips digging my front into the bone above his cock.

“I love you so much,” he murmured with shaky breath as he pressed his face into my throat, his breath hot on my skin.

“God,” I whined, feeling my stomach begin to tighten, my clit itching for more friction, my insides aching for the next thrusts. “I’ve got to move,” I cried as I straightened upright, plunging down hard onto him, driving him deep inside.

Leaning my hands on his chest, I rutted fast, my eyes squeezing shut, knowing I was seconds away from breaking.

“Do it, baby,” he urged, tilting his pelvis up, clutching my hips hard, guiding me back and forth. Reaching up he cupped and kneaded my breasts, my nipples sharp and sensitive, the skin on my chest and back rising in goosebumps.  “Yeah, do it. Ride me,” he urged in a growl, “Cum, baby. I want your sweetness all over me. You’re so fucking perfect.”

Small whimpers escaped us both as our bodies' need for the other took over. Rutting, fingers clawing, he tilted forward licking and sucking my nipples and every part of my flesh he could reach. The sensations were intoxicating, charged with devotion and need.

“Ivar,” I cried, my head dropping back. “Ivar!” I whined again as my orgasm hit, my walls clamping around him as I compulsively ground down, grinding my clit, the head of his cock stroking back and forth inside. My pussy thrummed, tightening on his shaft, my thighs trembled, and my upper body began to shake.

Grabbing me by the arms, he yanked me down to his chest and began pounding up from below. Our lips connected roughly, and we panted against each others’ mouths. His hands bracing my body as his hips relentlessly drove up into me feeling intense and electric. My orgasm rolled on, throbbing and quaking around him, his rocking pressing perfectly on my front. My breath was ragged as he grunted wildly with each thrust.

“I’m gonna fill your pussy baby. RIGHT. NOW.” Gritting his teeth, he drove up one last time, growling louder than I had ever heard and emptied his seed inside. Pumping slowly a few more times, he shivered before slowing his movements to a stop

Slumping, his head flopped back to the pillow, his legs flattened to the mattress as he sighed with sweet exhaustion. Resting my face against the side of his neck, I gripped his body like a sloth, nearly giggling at the feeling of our juices working their way out.

“My love,” I whispered feeling grateful for everything we had endured to reach this very moment, believing there wasn’t a thing that could ever tear us apart.

“Me sweet,” he whispered back, pressing his lips to my temple, nuzzling his face into my hair. I had never felt so loved or so excited about the future.

----

*Ringing*

Rushing back to my bag on the wooden table, I picked up my phone not checking the ID, assuming it was Ivar calling to wish me luck. Bringing it to my ear, I glanced back at the directors sitting on the far side of the room, chatting with the visiting man and woman. Both were impeccably dressed and looked like they fed on bowls of talent for breakfast. God, Paris must be fierce.  

“Hello.”

“Ms. Pearson?”

“Yes.”

“It’s Ida from The Oslo Medical Clinic.”

“Yes?” I tried to not sound impatient.  

“The doctor has asked that you make an appointment to come in, as soon as can. Not to panic you but something has come up with the results of your pap screen.”

“Oh! That’s okay, don’t worry.” Turning back, I again checked the chatting guests sitting to the side of the dance floor. “All the women in my family have funny tissue. It often comes back as suspicious but it’s always fine.”

“Sarah, the doctor would like to see you. Can you come today?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I just don’t have time this week. I’ll call after the weekend and maybe set something up.”

“Ms. Pearson, your pregnancy test came back positive.”

“Ah, there’s been an error. I didn’t take a pregnancy test.” The pianist entered, catching my eye, heading for the piano. “Sorry, I really need to go.”

“Sarah, we dipped your urine. It’s part of the standard check-up. You are pregnant. I dislike discussing this over the phone. Can you please come in after work?”

“What?”

What! I screamed in my head. This can’t be real.

“Sarah? Ms. Pearson?”

“I can come at 5. Will anyone be there at 5?”

“Yes dear, see you then.”

How did this happen, I asked myself, tossing my phone back into my bag? I had only ever had spotting while with Ivar. God! Pins and needles began to spread across the skin of my face and I instantly felt cold. I couldn’t think about this now. I had to dance. I had to dance for Paris.

——

Unlocking the door that night, I walked in with a white paper bag in hand given to me by the doctor at the clinic. Inside, were details on nutrition, a list of OBGYN’s in the city, a sample bottle of prenatal vitamins and a dark purple pamphlet titled, Unexpected Pregnancy - Now What?

Literally, like a fool, I had sat in front of the doctor and at age twenty-seven, cried, asking how this happened. The poor woman, no wonder she included the pamphlet.  

Now, frozen like a statue in the front entrance, I listened to Ivar’s cane clicking toward me from the kitchen.

“So?”

Bobbing around the corner, I could tell by his pinched face that under his excitement he was annoyed I hadn’t returned any of his texts.

“I got an offer,” I said in a voice completely void of emotion. “Paris. Starting in four weeks. Decent money. Everything.” I sounded like a fucking robot.

“That’s great!” Smiling, he straightened, but his brows furrowed as he looked at me.  Scratching behind his ear with his thumb, he dropped his head to one side. ��Isn’t it?” 

“And... I’m pregnant.”

I have never seen a person’s eyes grow that large in my life. His head shot back like he’d been punched in the face. Dropping his gaze, he first looked down in the direction of my non-existent stomach, hidden by my oversized coat, then glanced over to the white bag in my hand.

“Is it for sure or…” he stopped, staring, frozen like I felt.

“The doctor’s office apparently checks as part of a regular screening and they called me today. I went there on my way home and... I definitely am.

“But I thought…”

“I guess… I don’t know anything.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” I whispered, my eyes lowering to look at the rug on the entrance tile floor.

“Are you...okay?” His voice was quiet. Unreadable.

I could only shrug. I didn’t know. I felt so disconnected.

“Let’s sit down.” Without waiting, he turned and moved in the direction of the living room, glancing back to see that I was coming.

Side by side we sat, me in my coat, the white bag still in my hand, neither of us saying a thing. He was silent. I was silent and it was starting to get dark. We must be broken, I thought, screwed up by our families. This isn’t how normal people react. Glancing over at him, I quickly looked away, staring at the fireplace and vase of silk peonies on the mantle.  

“Paris…. I can’t dance pregnant,” I exhaled, my breath sounding shaky.  

It wouldn’t wait. How long until I could return after having a baby? How much time would I be out? Oh right! You fucking idiot, I blasted myself. I wouldn’t just be pregnant and then return to my life after giving birth. There would be a whole human at the end of it. What would I do with a human? I was potentially going to be a mom at twenty-seven and I still felt like a child! Yes, I knew tons of people younger than me with kids but…. that was them. Paris. It was my dream. My life’s passion. I was so close. Not even close, I was there. I would be trying to get back into prime condition, training eight hours a day with a baby and still likely never be given another shot. My mother! My poor mother. Is this what she was faced with? Would I too resent my own child?

Jolted from my thoughts, Ivar straightened his cane with his hand and pushed himself up from the couch. Without a word or a second look, he walked toward the kitchen.

“Ivar?”

“I can’t be here right now.”

“What?”

“I’m leaving.”

“What! We haven’t even talked. What are you doing?”

“Sarah,” he spun around, his eyes strange. “I can’t...” shaking his head as if baffled, he squinted at me. “You don’t fucking get it. I can’t be around you right now.”

My mouth dropped. I was gobsmacked. Grabbing his phone from the bar, he walked straight out the front door, closing it behind. Gone. Just left me alone, upset and..... pregnant.

---

9 pm came and went. 11 pm, midnight, nothing. No call, no response to my texts or voice mails. My emotions ranged from angry and confused to hurt but mostly worried. Where was my Ivar and what was going on in that head of his? Is this what I had put him through all those maniacal weeks leading up to the start of the season? Christ.

The room was too quiet, and I felt like I had been in a car wreck. Exhausted, sore and strangely crampy but perhaps that was in my head.

At 1:30 am, I had to sleep. I didn’t know where he was or what was going on, but I had to stop my mind from spiraling. All the possibilities filtering through. Wondering if he was afraid that his condition might pass on. Was he upset that I may have misled him about my period? I believed in my heart that he loved me but perhaps he just didn’t want a child with me.

Having to be at the theatre for 7:30 am, I turned off the light. Obviously, he wasn’t going to respond. Closing my eyes, the first tear slipped out from under my lids. I must have been too confused or in shock earlier but now I couldn’t stop crying. Were we over? Was he done?

In seven months, I had not once slept a night without him and here I was, a single knocked up ballerina, just as my mother had been. Perhaps, given everything… maybe my mom had done her best.

It felt like five minutes later but glancing at the clock as I reached for my ringing phone, I saw that it was just after 5 am. The room was still shaded, and it appeared I hadn’t moved an inch in my sleep.

“Hello.”

“Sarah”

It wasn’t him. Why wasn’t it him?

“Yes.”

“Its Ubbe.”

“Hi.”

“Look, Ivar’s fucked up.”

“We both are but I didn’t walk out.” My venom shot out before I could stop it.  

“Yeah, I get it. Well, you know what I mean, but listen, he’s in bad shape. He’s finally fallen asleep upstairs.”

“I don’t know what to say Ubbe. This is really messed up.”

“Sarah! Fuck, you’ve got to give him a chance to explain everything. When Ivar turns to his big brother, you know its serious. Please, just come and talk to him. Let him sleep a few hours but he needs you.”

“I have to be at work this morning. Umm... tell him, I’ll be home for 5 pm.

“Work?”

“Yes,” I answered defensively.

“Okay,” he sighed.

What did Ubbe know about my life?

“I’ll make sure he’s home at your place for 5.”

“Okay.”

----

Ubbe was right. Rounding the dining room table to take a chair adjacent to Ivar, it hit me in the guts how aweful he looked. Pale, sweaty, dark circles around his eyes with an expression like he’d been staring at a fuzzy tv screen for a week.

“Hi,” I whispered sitting down, awkwardly pushing the chair out to give myself more room. This was all so strange.

“Hi,” he nodded, his eyes jumping down to his hands fiddling with a pen on the table.

Had he been writing me a note? There was no paper there. Home early, had I surprised him halfway through a goodbye letter?

“You’re off early.” Clearing his throat, he attempted to…. I don't know, make small talk. This was uncomfortable.

“I called in sick today.”

“Are you sick?” His eye flashing back to mine.

“No. Well, I’m tired.”

“Where have been? I got home a couple of hours ago.”

“I don’t know. No where. Everywhere. I rode the bus for a couple of hours.”

Frowning, he continued to look at me.

“Ate a falafel on a bench in a park. Watched seagulls. I don’t know,” I shook my head.

Nodding, he looked down into his lap and I knew he had been on his own journey the past however many hours.

Lifting a small black velvet box, he placed it on the table between us. There was no doubt in my mind as to what was inside. I wanted to cry. My sweetheart looked so broken.

“You don’t need to purpose to me because of this?” I said in my most gentle voice.

“Nope.” Shaking his head, his eyes stared at the box. “This has nothing to do with that.”

“Did you go out and buy it today?” I wanted to reach over and grab his hand or sit in his lap and hug him. Ease whatever was going on in his head but the look of determination on his face stopped me. “Ivar, I think you are upset and…”

“No, Sarah,” tipping his head forward, he silently asked me to listen. “I,” he cleared his throat and I could see his emotions building. He looked down at the box. “I bought this ring three weeks after I met you. Just after we got together.” Looking up, his tears spilled down his cheeks and my eyes instantly began to water. Swallowing, he cleared his throat, quickly brushing his eyes dry with the back of his hand.

“I… fuck,” he swore under his breath, clearing his throat again. “I have always known I wanted to be with you. No matter what. You’re it for me and I know you aren’t traditional and don’t believe in marriage or whatever, but I am giving this ring to you. You can wear it on your finger, or a necklace, even throw it in a drawer, that’s up to you. What I want you to know is that I’m all in. Whatever you decide.” Clearing his throat, he nearly choked, more tears spilling over the rim of his eyes, “And…that I love you.”

And I loved him. I had loved him since the start, but I had never loved him more than I did at this moment. Beneath the table, my hands gripped together, my nail dug into the inside of my thumb as I struggle not to reach for him. My touch would have burst him wide open.

“I couldn’t be around you last night,” he continued. “No matter what I would have said, I would have fucked everything up.”

Dropping my head to the side, I scrunched my forehead, not understanding.

“I couldn’t show you how happy I was because I was terrified that this baby, our baby, meant that you would have to walk away from your dreams. From Paris. The whole thing and I nearly lost you over that before. I want a baby with you so badly, I could,” he shook his head, “scream. But I know that I can’t ask you to give up your life....” his voice cracked and he stopped and took a deep breath. “And I couldn’t,” he closed his eyes and I could see the agony in his face. “I could not stay here if there was a possibility that you were going to tell me that you weren’t....going through with the pregnancy.”

That was it. My tears fell. Thick and hot like lava down my face.

Reaching forward, I pulled the black box, sliding it closer to me. Popping it open, I wasn’t surprised in the least. It was perfect. Gorgeous. The quintessential engagement ring. A massive diamond, prong-set, brilliant cut, with a simple white gold band. It was stunning.

I took a deep breath. “I walked around all day today by myself. Before you, I had always been on my own. So, I had this picture, this clear picture in my mind of who I was and what I wanted for myself. I want to dance, Ivar. I am a dancer.”

Glancing up, I saw his eyes were closed, his jaw tight.

“Ivar,” he opened his eyes and looked at me. The guarded look of the man I first met was back, his body tight, his shoulders tense. “I am a dancer and I will not, cannot, give that up and so I won't.” Leaving the ring box, I finally reached out and grabbed his hand. “But I won’t give you or this baby up either. Not a chance.”

Blowing air out his mouth, his eyes flashed wide.

“Yeah,” I nodded, knowing he needed more assurance.

“We are doing this?” he leaned toward me, his eyes large and hopeful.

“Yes, Ivar. We are doing this,” I smiled, the tears blurring my sight, “and I’m not going to marry you, but I will wear your beautiful ring. Proudly.”

“Sarah, I fucking love you.”

Both pushing back our chairs, we rose at the same time, rushing into an embrace. His large, strong arms wrapped around me; my face pressed into his chest where it belonged.

“I love you so much, Ivar.”

Tipping my head up, he kissed me and kissed me, pulling his hands back to reach up and cup my face.  

“Come,” he took my hand pulling me from the dining room. “Lie with me, okay? I need to feel you beside me after last night... and I barely slept. I want to make love to you and then sleep.” Stopping he glanced back, his expression looking worried. “Carefully. We’ll do it carefully.”

Snorting, I laughed at his earnest face. “Ivar, I can have sex.”

“No more on top though. That can’t be safe. I read half the goddamn internet on pregnancy last night. I can’t remember what it said about sex on top.”

Here is comes, I thought, he’s going to manage and research every detail during this entire pregnancy.

Turning back again, he drew his eyebrows together. “No more sushi or coffee.”

“Please!” I scoffed.

“Nope,” he shook his head. “No soft cheeses or long hot baths either. Nothing that could harm the baby. That’s my child inside of you Sarah. Shit,” he stopped, scanning the walls of the hall, “Maybe we should buy a house...,” he seemed to be talking more to himself.

Smiling, with my heart full of love, my mind swirling with questions about the future, I followed him to our bed.

---

Had I given up on my dream? Possibility. I think my dream changed though. I realized it that day sitting watching families in the park, playing, kids racing back to their moms or dads with a daisy, calling to be watched going down the slide. Yes, dancing in Paris would have been amazing, but what could possibly be more fulfilling than that. Us. A family together. I had sacrificed so much for ballet, but I would not sacrifice them.

After Alice was born, I stayed home and when she turned a year, I took a chorus position dancing again with the company.  I was never away from her longer than four hours at a time and it was only three days a week. Not that Ivar ever put her down long enough for me to get my hands on her. I was even worried she’d be late to walk because of how much he carried her. I would joke that since her arrival, I was purely the maid.  

He was a good dad. A great one. Hands-on, doing it all. Buying far too many pairs of shoes. She was two years old now, fierce and sharp as tac with more pairs of shoes than I had owned in my entire life. That was the problem with leaving her with her father while I was dancing. She got anything she wanted. He’d say, “But she wanted them. How can I deny her? And their patten, Sarah. Red patten.”

Sure, I had moments where I felt the loss of what could have been watching Nicole dancing lead. But nothing, absolutely nothing beat walking in after a performance to a dark apartment, stepping over various toys and books and finding Ivar and Alice cuddled up in bed, a wall of pillows built along the side where I would slip in. Yeah, nothing beat that. This was my dream. This life. The three of us together.

“Hi,” he whispered, lifting his head, as I settled into the eight inches of room left in the bed.

“Hi.”

“How did it go?”

“Good.”

His eyes held mine for a moment. “Just good?”

I laughed.

“Shhh,” he hushed. “Don’t you dare wake up my daughter.”

Rolling my eyes, I smiled back settling into the pillow, Ivar’s face just visible above Alice’s wild blonde hair.

I shrugged, “I might be ready to leave the theatre.”

Surprised, he lifted his brows but waited for me to continue.

“They’ve been great these last months but...I think it’s time. I had to go back for a while to see what it was like but, I’m missing out on so much here. I hate not having supper with you guys on show nights and not kissing her goodnight.

“I know babe, but we do okay.”

“I know you do but I’ve been thinking about teaching again. Making my own schedule.”

“Didn’t that little place close?”

“It did but what do you think about the sound of The Pearson School of Dance?”

“Oh!” he smiled, “you have been thinking about this.”

“Yeah, here and there. She won’t be little forever and what if we have a second?”

“True,” he grinned, his eyes gleaming.

“So, what do you think?”

“Honestly?”

“Yeah,” I lifted up, resting on my elbow.

“I like the sound of The Lothbrok School of Dance better?”

Glancing down, I looked at Alice. Her sweet cherub face and her puffy upper lip swooping out from under her little nose. God, she looked peaceful when she slept.

Smiling, I looked back up. “Okay.”

“Okay? Yeah?”

“Let’s do it.”

“The school?”

“All of it. I want to be a Lothbrok too.”

Lifting his head off the pillow, he squinted his eyes. “You’ll marry me?”

“Yes.”

Smiling, he reached his hand out and I grabbed on, awkwardly holding it above our sprawled out toddler.

“Want to meet me on the couch and talk about it?” He bit his lip, his eyes sparkling with his smile.

Laughing lightly, I squeezed his hand. “You mean, meet on the couch and start on baby number two?”

“Fuck yeah, sounds amazing.”

  @youbloodymadgenius​ @naaladareia​ @funmadnessandbadassvikings​ @redama​ @mdredwine​ @didiintheblog​ @yourpurplequeen​ @londongal2810​ @fields-and-fields-of-poppies​ @hexqueensupreme​ @littlecarolina94​ @oddsnendsfanfics​  @youbelongeverywhere @blonddnamedhandz​ @waiting4inspiration​  @zuxiezendler​ @heavenly1927​  @jzr201​ @hecohansen31​

[zabreti]

the time has finally come for me to start expressing what i have been overwhelmingly feeling for the past week, since i started to properly listen to this sunshine of a woman named joanna newsom. i want to- actually, i need to vent a little about the album ys, since it’s the one i first listened to. plus my initial contact with joanna’s work and thoughts that came with it

even though i only found out about her a few months ago, i guess everyone knows her(?); if you don’t, you should. there’s not one single moment in which i’m not mad at myself for not finding her sooner. so fyi, she’s a harpist, pianist, singer and songwriter from nevada. according to some sources, she may be the most famous harpist alive today; i really don’t know about you, but it really sounds quite badass for me.

i started searching for her stuff after watching her husband’s - andy samberg - multiple interviews, where he would be sometimes asked about their marriage. i’ve been binge watching random interviews with people i like for the last weeks, and i found myself actually watching some interviews of hers before i even got to listen to her music.

btw, look at this fucking adorable couple. just look at them for a second.

first of all, what a lovely woman! each answer, each laughter, each little thing she did on camera caused an admiration for the idea of andy and her together to grow strongly; i wasn’t even sure if it was ok for me to feel so strongly about someone else’s relationship. my curiosity grew when i started to read the comments on these videos on youtube, pretty much 100% of them being about her intelligence, her talent and how her music sounds angelical, mystical and perfectly constructed. (let it be said that it only grew more and more as i watched every single interviewer asking both andy and joanna about how different their works are, and how different they appear to be as individuals; not only was suggested that andy would probably not rise up to such an intelligent, serious taste as to fall in love with her (he doesn’t even need to say a word for anyone to realize how passionately in love he is with joanna and her entire work), but also said that no one could believe she was actually able to be a goofy, easy-going, good-humored person because of the lyrics she writes. ok, i could spend hours listing the unnecessary questions i identified in these interviews, and how i get easily annoyed by these famous hosts assuming stuff or trying to create an uncomfortable environment; and don’t even get me started on the fact that most of the interviews she was invited to would revolve around her relationship with andy. i’m choosing to let this feeling pass for now, since it’s not my focus today.)

i couldn’t help but start by saying all this since i truly adore andy’s works, and nothing feels warmer than realizing two amazing people are in love and have a family together by choice.

i mean..... ??????? c’mon. greatest couple alive. try and fight me on this.

another interesting thing i found out was that she dislikes streaming platforms similar to spotify, which probably (?) justifies the fact that i never came across her songs, since i use spotify on a daily basis and have been using it to find new artists for the last years. call me ignorant, it’s fine, truly; but i haven’t heard of similar opinions coming from artists, and it made me even more curious to know what this woman was expressing, creating, thinking. she actually told larry king: 

“spotify is a business model. it’s not good. it’s based on the idea of circumventing the payment of artists. (...) i’m not opposed to streaming. i understand that the world is shifting and that the way music is valued and monetized is shifting, and i’m ok with that. and i’m even ok with people not paying for music (...), i just wish that there was a better way to do it that didn’t only pay a company. (...) i haven’t heard of one [alternative to spotify] that seems built the way that i would prefer it to be built.”

one of spotify owners (owners or directors, idek and idec) even replied to her many critics, but she never changed her mind or retreated from defending even her honest, harsh comments about how spotify is “like a villainous cabal of major labels”. for me, that’s a badass woman. not only for expressing herself without giving a damn about anyone who might be offended in this process, but also for choosing the path that felt ethical and worthy, and being recognized all over the world for her talent while following her own ways. i know, right? simply awesome.

there i was, reading the endless comments on her interviews’ videos and wondering what the fuss was all about. there was nothing left for me to do other than to actually start listening to her songs. i could have done it by looking up her discography and starting from her first project, but somehow i stomped into the ys album, which was released in 2006, in youtube itself.

first of all, would you look at this freaking cover?

i found it absolutely gorgeous in each detail; in fact, i really wish to know if there are meanings in the little specific parts of the painting. maybe there aren’t any and i’m just trying to create a more complex joanna in my mind? sure, sounds like me. or maybe there are lots of ‘em and she already said it on camera and i simply missed this video? sure, sounds possible. i won’t lie, i spent so much time thinking about this cover... maybe way too much time. alright, on we go.

there are 5 tracks on the album: emily, monkey & bear, sawdust and diamonds, only skin and cosmia.

at first, i didn’t quite understand what i was listening to. and i’m not talking about the lyrics, i’m talking about the whole idea of the album, the artist, the genre. the conjunction formed by her high pitches and soft, delicious vocal variations, surrounded lovingly by the harp and the violins was very mysterious to me. at first, i wouldn’t be encouraged to keep listening to her. but something kept me there, seated, staring at the screen and paying attention to each second of it. it was an experience. a real transportation. i searched for the lyrics on genius, and anyone that would pass by my bedroom’s open door would see me completely enamored by what i was listening to, like a concentrated kid being told an epic, adventurous, huge, beautiful and complex story. that is exactly how i felt: in the middle of a field, picturing each image she described in the song; each figure, each feeling. she described it all in a way that made me wonder how can someone describe a dream so vividly, how can someone describe anything so perfectly, so fully, and not sound redundant, not sound at all boring. the way the melody and the lyrics fit together, as a gift perfectly wrapped and tightly involved in the most beautiful way. i repeat: it was an experience. it is an experience. this is not something you can listen to at any given time, at any given place; i would not dare to not pay attention each time i would plan to listen to it. this is how seriously submerged i felt by joanna in that moment; in that entire day.

all of this, all of this immersion, all of this dream-like state in which i found myself in, kept growing its roots in me throughout the entire album, in a way i needed to show someone - anyone - joanna before i even got to finish the five songs; and the first one that came near me happened to be my mother. while listening, she actually found it quite pleasing, “like some old movie’s soundtrack” when listening to emily, “like an 1960′s melody” when listening to sawdust and sand, and on she went about the entire album. and this got me thinking about how i would describe her genre; of course, after following her on bandcamp i found out i was actually listening to some folk/pop/avant-garde/baroque pop/chamber folk/indie stuff. sounds about right, but at the same time not right at all, for some reason. i believe it’s fair to say that joanna has a magical, rare quality to her music that makes it different to each one listening to it. i’ve said it too much and i’ll say it again: it’s an experience, a complete, true one. it ressonates with deep, personal places. and, strangely, it makes many people describe the feeling that urges to grow inside their hearts as “home”; and i share this exact same sensation.

i really don’t know if it makes any sense, but see: i cherish my alone time probably more than anything in the world. i have learned to be my own best friend in many ways, and being by myself in some quiet days, at my house, reading, listening, watching and creating is when i can truly be myself. with that said, listening to this album, i felt at home. it made me feel even more alone, and i mean it in the most loving, warm, hypnotizing way. 

the ys album is a relatively quick production to be heard, even though it feels like you’ve been gone for hours, days, weeks on end while listening to it. the amount of literary, historic and philosofical references in the lyrics is magically overwhelming; i simply wasn’t able to snap out of it for a long time, and i have, to this day, re-listened to the album about 5 times. still reading the lyrics again and again, still grasping at some expressions faintly but amazed, still finding out about hidden and not so hidden meanings behind each track. still defining it, every single day.

i hope for the great discoveries i feel like pursuing from her work, and the diverse new singers, song-writers, harpists, pianists, violinists, chellists and musicists in general i’ll try to find, understand and support from now on. i’m thankful for finding out how much i love the mix between an orchestra-like atmosphere and a sweet, honest voice ringing in my ears; and how the words assembled together feels like a psychography.

i thank the universe every single day for the opportunity to discover people like joanna newsom.

[craftypeaceturtle]

Sanders Sides- Am I Original? Analysis

General:

This one I’m kinda a bit lost on if I’m honest. I don’t have many points which is weird because it feels like this should be one of those videos where I have a lot to say. But I kinda don’t... Anyway! Here’s what I’ve got!

ANOTHER NAME REVEAL! Welcome Roman/Creativity! Roman’s name reveal I feel is both very suitable for him but also weirdly uncharacteristic. It makes sense for Roman to reveal his name so to have a more serious conversation with Thomas. Roman had yet to have his proper one on one moment with Thomas and so it makes sense for him to want to take this seriously and honestly. But... I also feel like a character as egocentric and gloaty as Creativity would make a very big deal out of his name. But it’s just... “My name’s Roman... right moving on”. 

The idea of giving a side complete control is established in this video but I feel like this later gets confusing when partnered with the idea that the sides have rooms. Spoiler Alert for oncoming videos I guess? Giving Creativity complete control is when you’re just sitting there day dreaming- that makes complete sense. But that then raises the question of what would it look like if the other sides had full control? Would giving Logan full control be like going into that intense sense of concentration you get when you write in an exam? Would giving Anxiety complete control just be a panic attack? Or maybe just a fight or flight response? Interesting discussion but I feel like giving complete control seems really similar to focusing on an aspect so to gain access to their rooms. 

No real point to be made here, but I do think it’s weird that Thomas just doesn’t trust his Creativity. Excuse my nightmare quality pictures:

Like that’s a good point. He has a career focused on creativity but doesn’t trust his own ideas? It’s just such a weird point of contention. I can’t think of why Thomas would feel this way. (SPOILER ALERT for future episodes) Like maybe you could justify this as the split between the creativities? Like Thomas is worried of having a ‘bad creativity’ and so just avoids creativity all together? On this subject though, do you think giving full creative control to Roman here then makes Remus powerless for the next few minutes? 

Characters:

Logan- I found it funny how he rejects to the idea of being involved when Thomas is in day dream mode.

 I feel like that shows how proud and important Logan views his role as logic. He sticks to his job and intends to do it well and therefore shouldn’t be involved in anything else! Also him being good at rapping I feel kinda works for the idea of logic in general. Like rapping has a lot to do with quick thinking and also keeping track of the beat and is just weirdly technical. So it makes sense for Logic to then appreciate and be good at it! 

Roman/Creativity- I’m just going to say this now. I don’t really like early on Roman- he’s too egocentric and we don’t see why he thinks so highly of himself so he comes across as just obnoxious and lying. Like Logan can be pretty egocentric but we see how important his role is so it feels less gloaty and almost justified. But this could be resolved later as he’s only recently been given some semblance of a character arc, so maybe this will change or at least we’ll see why Roman is justified to seeing himself like this. Right now his emphasis on being the grand and amazing Creativity just feels like gloating- which is weird because none of the others really react to it? So who’s he gloating to? A certain other side of Creativity? A “hey look, I must be important because I’m here and you’re down there”? But, in all seriousness, as much as I like linking Remus to this, it feels a bit cheap. At this point in the series, he doesn’t exist and even his idea doesn't exist in the series so to say he was foreshadowed that EARLY on feels... iffy at best. They’ re fun points to make but don’t think that I seriously absolutely believe these points. 

Morality- Quite a small role in this video. He’s more just an adorable side kick intended to make the audience laugh in this episode. Nothing wrong with that! Obviously to have a 10 minute episode focused equally on all four characters would just be a headache. 

Anxiety- Not much new to say here either, still taunting and shooting down ideas while suggesting sleep. Nothing really worth dissecting here! BUT! There’s a point to be made here that will then link to the theory section! This moment here when Logan calls Anxiety a defeatist:

This won’t really make sense by itself but partnered with the next episode, this moment gains significance. In the next episode, Anxiety remembers and brings up the fact that Logan called him a defeatist. Added also is the fact that we see Anxiety’s response to that insult which hasn’t been done before so the fact that Anxiety is insulted clearly matters! Thomas in editing is clearly shouting “LOOK HERE!” So that means that, no matter how light hearted the comment was, these sort of labels truly get to Anxiety. The fact that this one was so just thrown out there, no bite behind it, shows off how insecure or fragile Anxiety truly is. 

Theories

1) So to further the point above, this makes the other’s treatment of Anxiety just plain really mean and abusive. Every off handed insult thrown his way by Roman must’ve stuck just as much. In my opinion, this is a weird realisation as it does make the other’s treatment seem really unjustified and harsh. Like, there’s now so many moments that I wrote off as funny bickering that are now implied to be scarring. But there is a point to be made as to how harsh this was. Maybe I’m just wanting to see the best from these characters, but I think that if any of them knew how much these comments meant to Anxiety then I believe they would stop. Throughout even just this episode, Anxiety and Logan have had their little moments of bonding and sighing at the others- so to suggest that Logan then wanted to truly hurt Anxiety in this moment feels off. It wasn’t Logan’s intention to hurt him. Morality doesn’t really make these sort of comments but does come across as patronising towards him and again I’m not sure how either character feels about that. I have no idea if Morality is juts dismissing him or genuinely believes the meaningless compliments he throws his way. Roman’s treatment of Anxiety can’t be argued this sort of way. While I don’t think Roman is harsh enough to truly want to hurt Anxiety, he’s not an idiot. He can't expect bluntly saying he hates him to go by fine. He must know he’s hurting Anxiety to a point. An argument could be presented though that he’s still caught up in the idea of being a prince and Anxiety is nothing more than the villain (last episode showed that as well). We saw that in the Valentines episode where he thinks slaying a beast is a reasonable flirting tactic- it’s clear that Roman isn’t very realistic or aware of himself. But, I feel iffy on that too. Roman has never been presented as an idiot so to suddenly state that as fact feels weird. I get that you could argue that if Thomas wanted these moments of bickering to be serious then the editing would draw attention to it, just like how he did with the defeatist moment here. He didn’t draw attention to it in the past so surely this is just a moment where Anxiety WANTS to be accepted and so this hits much harder? Maybe it’s the fact that it’s Logan who insulted him- someone who doesn’t really let himself get that emotional to insult people? But then again, he’s also insulted Roman before so! My take on this is that it’s a weird moment that redefines a lot of the series’ interactions. Due to how HUGE this changes the context of Anxiety and even the series, that kinda makes me believe that Thomas didn’t intend to suggest the others were abusive. I think he was trying to show that Anxiety is more emotionally involved with the sides and to help sympathise Anxiety ready for his redemption arc coming up! Maybe that’s me trying to be optimistic and missing all this, but! This series is fun for me! I don’t want to hear that the characters are all assholes. I get that trying to guess what Thomas intended for the series is an endless impossible chase but I think it’s still a point worth making in my opinion because that’s what's going to stop completely unreasonable huge theories. For example, thinking about what Thomas intended stops me from thinking this episode then foreshadows Remus. 

[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, EMMA! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF DMITRI.

Admin Cas: There’s something so tragic about Dmitri that I love: everything about him is a contradiction. Yet, for all his love and light, he’s also really quite terrifying, and the way you balanced both of those aspects of their character was truly breathtaking, Emma. I thought your reflections on the idea of Dmitri as a sort of wingless angel was especially impressive. In spite of all the things that make them angelic, they can never truly be one with God’s angels. That, after all, is what sets him apart from their brethren; where they are ruination, he is its saving grace. I put this golden prince in your hands without fear that you’ll do wonderful things with him, and I can’t wait to see the directions you’ll go together! Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Emma.

Age | 21+.

Personal Pronouns | She/Her.

Activity Level | I’m able to get a reply or two out at least once daily; depending on length, it could potentially be more or less than.

Timezone | Eastern.

Triggers | REMOVED.

How did you find the group?  | LSRPG tag.

Current/Past RP Accounts | I delete my character accounts to create a blank blog for my next character account. I save snippets of threads I adore, so I’m so sorry. RIP - xoxo

IN CHARACTER

there is a swelling storm and i'm caught up in the middle of it all and it takes control of the person that i thought i was the boy i used to know.

CHARACTER 

Dmitri , the Horsemen of Conquest

DRAW TO CHARACTER

I’ve never been the type to write a sample for a character before fleshing out the other bits first, but Dmitri’s voice whispered, begging to be explored as soon as I read their biography. The first sample you’ll read below was the initial picture I painted and kept throughout this application because Dmitri resembled that of a poor Icarus, who simply overindulged in something not meant for him to enjoy. 

I imagined Dmitri in the seconds after creation gasping at the sights of Heaven, reaching back for white wings — only to be met by their bareback. Shoulders aching for the flight of angels, the purity evident in their veins to be his own, God’s presence given at a moments notice.

Yes — I very clearly drew these small, delicate details from a few lines, but Cas wrote this character in such a way I felt the weight of Dmitri’s needs as if they were my own to be met. The biography held me captive to do whatever would be in my ability to give this character justice for what they were never gifted. I still get butterflies reading over the biography and couldn’t stop what followed. 

This application is my confession of love for Dmitri, and I would even offer to say this could be read as a fever dream because isn’t that what God would want? His beloved, lastly mad Horsemen to be written in a state of complete and total euphoria for conquest and recklessness… but more importantly, I hope to show how beautifully flawed this character is to desire to be loved by a dead God, and the journey I would take them on to realize their purpose was never tied to God’s needs.

FUTURE PLOTS

SUMMARY: I’ve written these in a format of progression based on what I think could occur first in-game based off of current connections, and Dmitri’s direct link of being a Horsemen, making it far more likely to push said plot first. Each builds upon the other in a sense of a video game character skill branching system. As in, I’ve written some answers or may propose them in a way, which would directly change a plot below it. Hope this helps explain the mess which is about to occur below!

FUTURE OF THE HORSEMEN

what happens to those who were meant to end a world already destroyed?

Their purpose set forth to them by God has come to no fruition as the world destroyed itself, at least in a way. Each Horsemen dealing with their new identity as a mercenary in their own way, but I can only speak from the perspective of Dmitri. When it comes to them, the Horsemen are family. They came from the same Gos as them, shaped from different moments but important just the same. Their future as a whole could be explored by each Horsemen’s motivation. For Dmitri, the idea of leaving them to go elsewhere seems far-fetched at first; a type of daydream when the cleanup after a job is too heavy to stay focused on. If given a bigger glimpse at something else, something Dmitri could find himself desiring to do, I imagine the Horsemen could find a strain.

FUTURE OF THE HEALING

what is the purpose of being one of healing if you watched the wounds be inflicted?

Building upon a strain forming within the Horsemen, Dmitri would first need to experience something so terrifyingly out of character for them to do, which could trigger a wave of events to follow. The concept of using their healing ability seems to be the “fun” direction as this golden boy not being able to save someone caught in the crossfires would be an angst ridden thread to experience. I want to shape his tenderness in a way to correlate with his healing. Dmitri’s process of healing someone is something I haven’t ventured much into yet — but I imagine the sight of it to be something beautiful, almost too beautiful to fully understand what you’re looking at. This light bringer among those who only bring darkness is the difference enough to push the first plot and this one forward.

FUTURE OF THE LOVED AND WORSHIPPED 

what does one do with love and praise when all they expected was hate?

Imagine the first time someone witnessed Dmitri healing a mortal. Who was it? What occurred? No one who lives now among the mortals knows, yet their growing affection towards him makes me feel as if he’s gotten his own personal tale passed between them. Here in this new found love among men, I think Dmitri sees what he’s always wanted out of life, rather existence. It’ll be such a wild ride of secret trips to different parts of the world to see if he finds this love and praise everywhere. He’d be drunk over this, but there also comes the dark side of being given something kept from you for so long. Yes, I would love for this beautiful, precious Horsemen to ride happily off into the sunset… but there’s definitely some trauma left from God. Here within this, I find Dmitri’s breaking point could take place and all of the above could shatter.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | yes — given a month’s notice and option to decline? i feel as if the answer would be different depending on how they were to die and character development, if this makes sense.

IN DEPTH

but there is a lightin the dark, and i feel its warmth

in my hands and my heart why can't i hold on?

CHARACTER MOTIVATION

It’s unknown at first- their motivation. Perhaps, God always intended the existence of those who were meant to cause the end of the world to possess no motivation. Life to them, the Horsemen, was simply a story already written down in the stars, yet Dmitri walked out into the New World with the story finished and no part to play in it. Purgatory had warped their glowing essence, satisfying God’s need to prevent prayers said to Conquest over the God of Creation. 

Yet motivations can still be rather fickle when they were never intended for you. Dmitri’s creation came from the infinite love God felt for man, yet they were never meant to have this (this being love) as their backbone. No, they were to indulge their fellow Horsemens’ wrath by mending the blows they were destined to cause. Their gift, their healing, their voice. All things given by God to serve a purpose not their own. Somewhere between all of the havoc and chaos of this world, there had to come a time where Dmitri sought to figure it out. 

Their motivation laid rotting within the crevices of darkness and filth they called home all these centuries. Purgatory did it’s job more so than God could have ever intended because Dmitri struggled with purpose outside of God’s. Sunshine filled his veins in a way the darkness fed off of and merely left the Horsemen of Conquest bare. So walking out of, rather escaping from, Purgatory to Dmitri awakened this desire for answers. With the death of God, Dmitri discovered their rebirth into something rather ungodly as he wanted to become everything God never intended on him to be: loved. 

From this death, Dmitri has discovered a solace with mortals he’d never found with the fellow Horsemen as there’s something to be said in regards to being made last. He didn’t resemble the others completely as he felt a mirror to man more so than his Horsemen. I imagine actions and motivation for him to be teetering currently as his own questions in the regards of ‘what’s next?’ as having a calling as a mercenary never sat well with him. He wants to be loved in a way God had left unspoken between them over the possibility of competition.

SUMMARY: Throughout interactions and inner thoughts expressed throughout this roleplay, I would love to dive into the future plots tying into Dmitri’s motivations above with the balance of being deemed as loved or worshipped. Dmitri needs to be loved, yet I think if it ever rocked towards him being worshipped, it’d be a nice little shift of what truly motivates him. Overall, I find my motivating factor to be Dmitri’s voice and relationships with the Horsemen due to my overall understanding of how much he truly values them. Yes, he’s always wanted more for himself, but there’s always going to be the glimpses of why he is among their ranks. He isn’t pure as the angels or as mischievous as the demons, but I find Dmitri’s complexities something of value as a character in a world without restraints.

IN-CHARACTER PARA SAMPLES

i. DREAMS AND THE HEREAFTER

‘Icarus, my son — your wings are too brittle for the warmth of light. Now, I shall watch you burn with the rest.’ Or was the name spoken across the lips of God dmitri? Did he curve the appetite of man’s undeserving love of their creator by existing? Were his screams - for more - not enough to make the tear from God’s eye a regret? 

‘But father, I shall fly with you. We can escape together. No mortal shall ever have to look upon our faces again. We can finally be--’ Scorned brow silenced all of his pleas, bringing the truth to the forefront. Dmitri dreamed before the tear was ever caught and molded into the literal form of his being. They knew of themself from the perspective of God’s eye and convinced themself of something which wasn’t there. ‘Am I never to be free of this burden then? Am I to suffer?’

They painted a world where they crawled from the depths of Purgatory, where their strength came from the purity of man, where God Himself welcomed Dmitri back into Heaven as if he’d never gone. In this recurring dream, God would realize the mistake to tuck away his most prized creation. 

The final Horsemen did not deserve the caverns of impermeable darkness Purgatory supplied them because somewhere in the infinite of his existence, he truly believed himself to bare wings. 

‘Suffer? Suffer! You are the brilliance of life; my creation. Do you wish to know what I plan to do with you? Follow me, Conquest. Your domain awaits.’ 

Their eyes open with horror, memories of a man - rather a god who loved him less. A god who created him by mistake. An outstretched arm from active slumber finds its way back onto their chest, an unsteady rise and fall of breaths lost. His own torment from sleep a self-given punishment as he allowed himself to fall into the corners of his own mind. The hidden doors which locked memories long forgotten as he believed himself to be more than he was. 

God regretted shedding a tear for out came the brightest of shadows, the technicolor snake of dispute in the form of a golden angel. They were truly no closer than their brethren to bearing wings, but if one deserved them, Dmitri would declare themself so. 

Instead of wings, however, cascading down their back, you would find a seeping hole of nothing; a hollowed out mine of what could have become of them. It is the wickedness they hide beneath enchanting smiles, minor suggestions, and lack of resolve which will keep their back bare. Denial being a sort of game which they’ve mastered over the years.

Once, one might have spotted the prospect of gold, sinless existence within them, but they were not created like the other angels, the other horsemen, the other fallen. They were made as the result of emotion, and one knew what followed closely with emotions — mistakes or rather the sins of man.

They were the rotten cavities created over years of divulging in sweets, buried in the crevices of newborn teeth who hadn’t the taste of sugar.

And in their devastation, Dmitri destined themself to find the answers which God withheld from them.

 ii. DENIAL IN THE FORM OF SINFUL BEAUTY

“You’re late — again.” A simple nod towards either Nerissa or Viktoria felt enough to find his place among his family, his fellow Horsemen.

One thumb found its way to his temple before releasing a heavy sigh. “Dreams haunt me recently. 

“You mean nightmares.” Nerissa could never resist correcting him over something so miniscule as words, yet this simple exchange caused a growing irritation to sprout wings and turn into complete rage.

His temples tensed, nostrils flared with fingernails already cutting at the skin of his palm. “You honestly think I’m mortal enough to switch the meaning of two words, War?” Tongue pressed against the back of their teeth, Dmitri allowed their body to sink into their assigned chair, of sorts. Each had a place within the others home as if each home belonged to all four of them collectively. 

“Someone woke up feeling out of place again.” Always Ryuk with a quick word before letting the storm brew on.

“It’s the dreams — I wake up in horror over...” Their eyes, washed in an array of gold, scanned the softness of their palms, the lack of scars on their flesh, the harrowing displacement of havoc in their words, and the deficiency of darkness their fellow Horsemen possessed. “...for it is the dream I can never grasp.” 

With the unblemished palm, he wiped away at both of their eyes, trying to remove the hints of sleep behind them. More importantly, he wanted more than anything to remove any attempt of truth being proven by Nerissa’s words.

Harsh snarled laughter came from the corner of their domain, mocking their spiral for something less than what it was. To Dmitri, they saw these dreams as something more of an awakening, uncovering their last moments with God.  

“What is the point of man if not to suffer, dear Dmitri?” 

“But I am no man!” Fists shattered the monotony of the discussion, calling in the last ounce of sanity any of them could take as they stood from the table.  “I am no god.” The once golden irises, which mirrored the glory of the sun’s warmth,  now mimicked the lava spewing from a devastating volcano. “I am Conquest, and I shall suffer no more!” 

Here in the brilliant, pure light of their anger, their risen voice, the very might of their denial gave birth to something else. 

A soft chuckle from the other side of the room destroyed any build up between the others as Viktoria waltzed over to them. 

“He’s not wrong… None of us are man, so none of us shall suffer.” Viktoria’s hand draped over theirs with a tenderness they’d only felt from the mortals, but it was enough to show Dmitri the horsemen had the ability to give him what he wanted.

[twiceblackvelvet]

im the person who asked for the 10th emmber reaction!!! thank u omg i loved it and u did so fast it's great!! can i please request a reaction based on that prompt but for jeongyeon??? thank u so much!!!!

A/N; hope you enjoy anon, thank you for both requests🖤

Being a member of the nation’s biggest girl-group comes with immense pressure. If there isn’t a camera in front of your face like there is currently, it would be unusual. A lot of that time is spent with a smile convincing enough to please your adoring fans, however, the nine girls you share the stage with know that it isn’t the real you. Truthfully, your journey to becoming a member of TWICE was rough. The rules against what you can and can’t do, the constant training and evaluations almost shattered your spirit, confidence, and dream to even potentially debut never mind make it as an idol. 

Amazingly, all of those things are not what has caused you to often lock yourself inside your room in the dorm. You don’t avoid people because of your experiences from before your debut. It’s because every day you’re reminded by one member in particular that you’re not wanted. Of course, it’s never been said to you with words but you’ve always believed that actions speak far louder. 

Your audition process was fairly simple, you recorded two videos of you singing and one of you dancing and sent it off to the company after having been spotted at a fan meeting for a rookie group your friend liked. You were invited to the company for an evaluation and the next thing you know, you’re signing a contract and your training soon began. At first, it was all a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. You were in awe of all of the talented people you’d casually bump into every now and then. But all of that changed when you met her. 

Jeongyeon was already a trainee when you entered JYP but the two of you had never met until a few months after you had signed. The dance studio was always where you felt the most comfortable, whether it be to let loose yourself or watch the other trainees work on new choreography. The world must have been out to get you the first day you met her though as it’s by far the most embarrassing moment of your life thus far.

Your hand gripping a reusable coffee cup being knocked by Jeongyeon’s body as she entered the studio door you were exiting and spilling over the both of you is not the first impression you’d wish to make on anyone, yet it’s what both of you are stuck with when thinking back to your first meeting. Even thinking about it now makes your toes curl and head pound in frustration because that split-second moment of stupidity has led you to be stuck in this current position of Jeongyeon seemingly hating your entire existence. 

Your relationship with the other members of TWICE is strong. The bond you hold with each of them is so special to you that you can’t imagine ever doing anything to jeopardize that. They’ve all always made sure to reassure you whenever you’ve had second-thoughts or doubts about your talent. But the more you think about how Jeongyeon will avoid all conversations with you or refuses to spend longer than three seconds alone with you, the more frustrated and angry you become. But now is not the place or time to be thinking about the fact that you’re deeply disliked by someone you’re supposed to be close to and who fans call one of your ‘sisters’. 

So, as you sit and listen to the interviewers’ questions about what you’ve all been getting up to lately and asking you to offer compliments to each of the members one by one, your brain turns back into work mode and throws out the easiest lie you can think of on the spot when you finally reach her name. 

“Jeongyeon has a wonderful voice.” Your own ears pick up on the bluntness and forceful way the words fall out of your mouth, luckily the interviewer doesn’t and moves on to asking Tzuyu to compliment you all. 

It isn’t a lie, you think, Jeongyeon does have a remarkable voice that if it came from anyone else you’d love to listen to for hours. However, over the years, her voice simply reminds you of all of the times she’d point out your smallest mistakes, tell you that your issues are not her concern whenever you’d try to speak to her or simply throw out sighs whenever you’d enter the same room as her in the dorm. You don’t want to hate Jeongyeon but she makes it very difficult for you not to. 

The rest of your day consists of an appearance on a popular new variety show, filming an ad for a music streaming app to promote your new album and finishes with a photoshoot with both group and solo shots. By the time you’re in the van to head back home, the sun is rising and your eyes struggle to remain open. You can hear Mina in the front seat playing video games on her phone, Momo is passed out beside you with Nayeon draping across her body like a koala. Sana is seated behind you quietly eating snacks and scrolling through her phone peacefully. 

At the very back of the van, Jihyo and Jeongyeon are seated beside each other engaging in a hushed conversation that you’d struggle to hear under normal circumstances but even more so with the bickering of Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu as they discuss the latest drama they’ve been watching. Your head perks up slightly when you hear a faint whisper of your name but you’re unable to figure out which of the members have said it. Sleep takes over your body preventing you from overthinking and you put to rest another busy day. 

When you awake several hours later you’re inside of the dorm resting comfortably on the large sofa with a blanket draped across your body. One of the managers must have carried you inside so as not to disturb your sleep. As you slowly raise your body to head towards your shared bedroom, you notice the kitchen light is still on with a shadow of a seated body on the wall. Curious as to why someone is still awake your feet carry you towards the only source of light available. 

Regret immediately fills your body as Jeongyeon’s back comes into sight. She hasn’t noticed you yet as you mentally curse yourself for inquisitive. A thought pops into your head about how angry and annoyed you were earlier in the day and you notice you may not get another opportunity like this to confront her and try to find out why her behavior around you is so different compared to everyone else.

“Can I talk to you?” You can visibly see Jeongyeon’s body tense up with your words. When her decision to seemingly hate you first began, you may have apologized for startling her like this but you’re past the point of caring now. She releases a deep sigh but nods her head in response. 

The tension between you both is suffocating and you worry about just how often the two of you have made the other members uncomfortable with this unspoken feud you have going on. You decide to put an end to it once and for all here.

“Look, I know that you know there’s something weird between us. I’m not blind or stupid. I can see that you rush out of any room I’m in. You snap at me all of the time even if I haven’t done anything to bother you. You’re so caring towards the other girls and yet you make me feel so small and unimportant. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve considered giving everything up because you’ve made me feel worthless or have refused to just put aside whatever pettiness you’ve created so we can be a stronger group. I want you to tell me honestly what your issue is so we can either fix this or I can decide once and for all if I want to continue to be around you as a member whilst making myself depressed in the meantime.”

Your eyes focus entirely on the sleeves of your sweater unable to look Jeongyeon directly in the eyes as your deepest and darkest thoughts brim to the surface and spill out in front of you both. The dam you built around the floodgates of your feelings has well and truly been broken. Her eyes, however, are staring a hole into your own as she watches you silently explain just how difficult she has made life for you the last few years. 

“I’ve tried so hard to just ignore you whenever you’d make me feel like this but it’s so hard when you’re around me constantly with this invisible barrier preventing us from truly being present and real with each other. I can’t do it anymore, I just… I can’t. I’m fed up of being your punching bag without you giving me a valid reason for your actions.”

The silence that fills the entire dorm once you’ve finished speaking almost makes you get up, walk out and likely never return. You just want an answer and she isn’t even willing to give you that after you’ve very clearly explained the toll all of this has taken on you. As you stand and turn away from Jeongyeon, panic begins to rise inside of her and her voice breaks your concentration on how you’re going to explain leaving TWICE to everyone you know, your fans and the members.

“I love you.” It’s your turn to be startled now at the sudden words you’ve heard from Jeongyeon several times for other members but never yourself. “Please, stay. I love you. Let me explain everything, please.”

She rises from her own seat and moves towards where your body is frozen in place unable to move, unable to breathe and unable to think about anything other than the three words she’s now repeated twice. Her arms slowly turn your body to face her and your eyes find her own. There are tears streaming down both of your faces and Jeongyeon slowly wipes a few of your own away with the pad of her thumb. 

“I love you y/n. I know it doesn’t look or feel like I do, I’ve acted like the biggest idiot in the world. But, you have to know that all of this was to protect both of us.” Your face contorts into a confused expression and Jeongyeon realizes she’s going to have to explain things from the beginning.

“Do you remember the first day we met? You spilled your coffee on us both and practically ran away from me just saying sorry over and over again? I remember thinking you were the cutest person I’d ever seen. I asked some of the other trainees about you and they told me you practically lived in the dance studio. So, I started to watch your classes whenever I wasn’t training myself. You became my escape from all of the pressure of debuting. I’d watch you dance and become inspired, you truly are amazing.” 

The words don’t feel real as you listen to them. All of the times you’ve recalled meeting Jeongyeon it’s been to scold yourself and remind you that first impressions are important and a bad one can ruin things more than you know. 

“You know that Jihyo and I are close, right? She’s my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I told her all about you, how you danced so elegantly, how you’re by far the prettiest person I’ve ever seen, all of it. You can ask her if you’d like. But she made me realize that if I were to tell you all of this, you might be uncomfortable around me. So, when the managers finally told us the final line-up for our group, I knew I had to prioritize that over what I thought was just a small crush.” 

For a second you consider pinching yourself to check all of this is real. For years you’ve fought so many mental battles over the thought of Jeongyeon hating you. Yet here she is revealing that it’s all been over her attraction towards you. She doesn’t allow you to dwell on it for long as she continues speaking.

“It turned out to be much more than a small crush. I thought if I pushed you away, refused to be around you or to accept you that I’d get over it. But my heart simply won’t let me ignore you. You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to tell you all of this but I was so scared you’d hate me, tell the others and then they’d hate me too. The possibility of you ever feeling the same way just wasn’t something I felt was going to happen. I’m not saying that now it will or that I’m going to suddenly pursue you, I just need you to know that I don’t hate you. The problem has always been that I’m very much so in love with you and I’ll never ever be good enough for you.” 

There’s a deep feeling of conflict inside you upon hearing Jeongyeon talk about her fears. Despite it all, you’re proud of her for finally finding the courage to let all of this out. You desperately want to believe her and let this silliness go, but your mind which has been through so much hurt doesn’t wish to forgive her yet. 

“Please say something. Anything. Even if it’s that you don’t want to speak to me ever again.” She begs. 

You turn away from her and the action alone is enough to break her heart, but your words stop the cracks from forming.

“I can’t say I forgive you for everything, nor do I at this moment feel the way that you do. But I’m willing to put all of this aside and move forward if that’s something you want too. No more avoiding each other or being unkind to one another. Let’s try to be friends first and we’ll see where that leads us.” 

Jeongyeon extends her hand towards your body, when you don’t react she grabs one of your own and places it into hers. She shakes your hands together lightly. 

“Hello, I’m Jeongyeon and I’m very silly. It’s nice to meet you.” 

For the first time in years, you think everything will be alright.