#I actually think I would be a good helper for almost all subjects

[cartoon-skeleton]

I’m applying to be a substitute teacher LMAO

[queerautism]

I'm sorry if I'm bothering, but I need someplace where to vent. I'm mostly writing this in one go, may misuse therms or repeat same thing too much. English is not my mother language. I'm not spell checking.

I was gonna share here sometime about how I think my "headspace" seems to be a mix between a paracosm and a system, having a mixture between para's, imaginary friends and actual "headmates" (equivalent of alters in this situation. There's no way all 1000 (questionable number, there have been 1000 different paras here, just not at the same time) of my paras are headmates, but there's some singular individuals who are deeply intertwined with who I am, mainly my paraself/parame, who mostly works as a connection between the world outside and my head space (plus she changes behavior and morals depending on the situation, maybe like medians? I'm writing everything in one go, can't search terms) and an headmate who has a role of giving a friendly opposite view of situations, almost like a different perspective. Everyone in my head is aware they aren't real (in the sense they are mostly fictives and are part of a fictional story), but we mostly tend to avoid mentioning that.). I didn't send something like this sooner cause I was afraid I would take too long to write.

However, I felt compelled to send a message today cause my college teacher seemed to trigger some sort of depersonalization in me (and other insecurities, but it isn't relevant now). I wasn't working nor started the supposed work that most people have been middway in doing, that day I barely did anything (was working for another subject I prefered) and he asked me if I was present today or if he should mark me as absent. That lead me to basically question how I've been mentally present the past weeks, and I basically didn't remember the past month as myself (I remember partly the things I did, but I didn't remember it as if I did them. I was having very bad breathing problems caused by anxiety, so I wasn't in a very good mental space). So I was pretty out of it, to the point I never managed to answer.

This isn't the first time I've disassociated, but the other time it was mostly similar to derealization and not depersonalization. Last time it happened, the "helper headmate" (gonna change the name later, I don't want to refer to him by his actual name cause fictives) would basically ask basic questions about myself to get me focused on something. The other paras would sound very far away, but could mildly communicate with me. The diassociation would last around 2 hours (cause it was mostly caused by going to a full gymnasium to do PE and it would end a short time after the class ended). Then everything would go back to normal.

This time however, the "helper headmate" never came to help. There are times where I am free from my paracosm, but not only do I not notice those times, but when I notice what happened (after the paracosm came back), I wouldn't remember anything I was thinking during that gap, like I was going on autopilot while still interacting fine with everything. When I had that depersonalization issue, I lost contact with my paracosm. Only when I left college to go home is that I realized I couldn't contact with any of them at all. I'm currently panicking silently cause I literally haven't lived a single moment in my life without the world inside my head and I don't know how to function without it. Even if they are sort of system or not, they wouldn't leave for something like this, this would at max make them want to stay more. They're my friends, and even if they complain sometimes it's all very light-hearted and barely malicious.

I heard them for a second while I was writing this but it didn't happen again, I tried to hear one song to induce it and nothing happened. I can't have them leave me.

I'm gonna try to check context of them (they're fictives, I'll keep repeating for good measure) and listen to more songs to see if I can induce them back. Really would love advice or reassurance, but honestly writing it here is good enough for now.

|| Gaiola~Anon || He/They/She (preference in this order) ||

Hi there. Honestly it sounds like a really distressing situation, I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't talk a lot about my own paracosm but it is absolutely very much intertwined with my system's innerplace. I'm not sure how I'd cope without it all.

I think the best thing you can do is try an stay as calm as possible, get some rest, and be kind to yourself. I very much doubt this is forever. It's going to be okay.

[kris-p-banana-bread]

Here DOAFP fandom, have some organic, locally-sourced, home-grown pain. This is basically just me, a scarred older sibling, projecting on Bobby, another scarred older sibling. I really reached into my post-loss psyche for this, so I hope you enjoy the headcanons and meta (AKA I hope you shed at least one tear).

It won’t let me link it here so the post that inspired this is under the read more at the bottom ✨

- When I first watched doafp, I couldn't understand Elena's aversion to Sam becoming a prominent figure in her mom's and her life. Now I understand it almost too perfectly. There was never supposed to be someone after Robert. He and Gabi were deeply in love and happy. Robert was it; he was the first and true love of Gabi's life. Sam showing up probably felt like a huge and utterly disrespectful slap in the face of Robert's memory, because he wasn't even supposed to be there. I don't know if that's as eloquent as I wish it was, or if it makes sense, and it probably sounds really mean to Sam, but it's not even really about him. It was always supposed to be Robert; Sam hasn’t earned the right to be apart of or associated with her family

- After Robert dies, Gabi and Bobby make it a habit to find and keep photos and recordings/videos of Robert, even if the latter only has him saying one sentence. They won't make Elena join them for the search, but after they find some of those old audios of Robert, they'll sometimes play them back for little Elena

- Bobby put up the keep out sign (I credit this to a few other blogs for discussing this tho) because that's where he would cry sometimes. He actually used to be pretty close with Elena, but after he put up that sign and started distancing himself from them a bit so they wouldn't see the times he cracked, he got a little more short and jaded with her. It's that, plus just growing into a teenager and stuff. And I'm not saying that he and Elena have a bad relationship, but he's become more snappy and has more walls up than he used to

- Sometimes Elena feels bad because she doesn't always remember her dad's voice. She was pretty young when he died, so even though she recalls it a bit, and the recordings help, it's been a while since she's talked to him in person, so of course she doesn't quite remember what it's like to actually talk to Robert and she's forgotten some of his mannerisms. She likes to think she's all done (she marked the stages down in her grief journal after all) but grief isn't linear or all that rational, so it hits her hard sometimes

- I keep reading as an action close to my heart because that's a strong bond me and my mom shared. She would rec books to me, and we would joke and talk about them, or she would hint to some future event and then refuse to tell me until I caught up to that part. So Elena and Bobby do something similar in their grief. Elena has writing and words, because that's something Robert loved if I remember correctly (but if I’m not and that’s not canon, then I now declare it so) and Bobby has tennis. But besides tennis (I sent a couple anons to @freshlybakedfandoms about it but I'm not sure where she went) Bobby also was taught to play guitar by Robert (I liken it to Devi Vishwakumar and her harp) so when he misses his dad or is just sad, he'll take out his dad's old acoustic and strum

- (This next one is something I also think a lot about so this is pretty much 98% projection) Bobby thinks sometimes about the fact that he was never able to come out to his dad. He hadn't really started growing into that part of himself yet, and he never got to show it to his father. He wonders what he would have thought of him. Would he be angry? Would he dismiss him and say it was just a phase? Bobby didn't think so, but a little part of him insisted that you could never be too sure. After he comes out, Gabi and Cami assure him that Robert would've been so proud of him and would've loved him regardless (Since we know virtually nothing about him, I maintain that Robert was one of those dads who teases their kid relentlessly about their crushes and I think he would've done that with Bobby and eventually Elena)

- When Elena's quince rolls around (if she chooses to have one of course), Sam dances with her during the father-daughter dance. A part of her still hurts, still aches and wishes that Robert were dancing with her too; still knows on some fundamental level that he and Gabi had planned for this day, but he had simply never made it. But she's known Sam long enough that she feels comfortable here. Nobody can replace Robert, but Sam is her family, and it feels right like this.

- I might do some more research and deliberate, but for the moment I'm saying that Robert had cancer, I’m thinking along the lines of colon. My mom was terminal, but idk if I should make Robert terminal? Maybe towards the end. Or maybe he was diagnosed as incurable early on but Gabi kept it from the kids because, tbh, being told your parent is balancing on that kind of edge is traumatic for them. So anyways, I’m going on that assumption for this last point, and I’ll see if I can recover some of my old knowledge and talk about technical stuff later if anybody would like to hear it

- Elena and Bobby were both pretty young. Bobby understood about PET scans and tests somewhat, and knew generally what different answers from doctors meant. Elena mainly just understood what was happening by reading her parents' and brother's expressions when getting lab results in from the doctor. They both remember on some level what it was like when Gabi would leave the kids with Cami and take Robert out to the car (later she would have to help him) and they would all feel like they were holding their breath until they got back and confirmed that everything was ok (and later, the little shocks of fear when the answers were no longer as positive and there was more apprehension and risks. After all, cancer doesn’t deal in absolutes)

- Bobby can still remember Robert when he had to stop walking around a lot. He still remembers the phone call that Cami got from his mom, saying that something had gone wrong, and if this last treatment didn’t work, he wouldn’t have much time before he passed. Still remembers Cami rushing into a room when she got that call, and trying to hide what was happening until Gabi could get home and explain it; but Bobby was a sharp kid believe it or not. He heard about the treatment, heard Cami crying. He still had hope... but when Robert came home in a gurney, when he could barely stay awake sometimes, when his voice was quiet and his skin was a little jaundiced, Bobby felt incredibly empty. But Robert always had a smile for his wife and his beautiful kids, even if it was small and very tired, his eyes still crinkled the same. He always had a smile; right up until they had to say goodnight and get some sleep one night. And then... he passed.

- After he passed, the Cañero-Reeds needed help, and a lot of Gabi’s coworkers would bring food or materials if they were running low. Cami and Danielle would babysit and would distract the kids when Gabi needed a good cry.

- Like you’d imagine, and because of what is sort of implied in canon and in my own head, the kids dealt with it in different ways. Bobby put up that sign, and withdrew. He wasn’t awful, but his patience with certain people got a bit shorter and he was a bit quieter. And he was a really good helper when he had the energy and he cared deeply, but he would sometimes get physically and emotionally exhausted after helping Gabi/Elena/Cami/anybody else with something and would go into his room or mentally tap out to recharge. He took comfort in things that seemed natural and that he sometimes took for granted before, like video games and skateboarding (hehe bobby skateboards. Anybody second me on this?) and clothes etc... and other stuff. A lot of materialistic things or experiences that he would skip out on before. But they bring normalcy back to his life now so he loves them for that.

- Bobby doesn’t wanna think about big themes or anything anymore, which I can’t remember but I think it was Vi (freshlybakedfandoms, again, idk where she is and I hope she’s ok) who said he was a math and science person and I think that as much as that could transfer over to those subjects as well, it’s much harder to avoid existential and emotional themes in English and History class and Bobby doesn’t like it as much as Elena does for that reason. He had to live with the back and forth of his dad’s treatments and tests, so math and science is comforting because it’s more concrete (There could be a million arguments for why he would distrust math and science because of his dad’s passing though, I realize) Ultimately, though, it reminds him of Robert too much.

- On the other hand, after a period of shock and confusion, Elena threw herself into new things. First it was a grief journal, to make sure she was going through the motions. Then she read a lot, and when she felt too alone or like she wasn’t doing enough, like she was stagnant, she’d just find something to focus and persevere on again. That feels like her personality type to me; something is wrong so let’s fix it right away. But that could also transfer sort of negatively into “Something feels off or I’m very sad, let’s get this thing done and be productive so we can put off having to confront that but at least we get work out of it” but I could be entirely wrong (this is based off some of my family members and how they dealt with the loss.) And Elena throws herself into history and english because her dad loved it, and she wants to remember more of him. Because she believes words have power and history is a lesson and that’s incredibly interesting for her

[spiritus-sonne]

"Celesvogel"

Details about my angel 'kintype

Honestly, I expected to wait at least several weeks, if not months, before making this writing, as I figured I’d have to do so much introspection and a lot of letting the thoughts just sit and simmer for an extended time before I would feel at all confirmed about saying I have a sixth ‘kintype. But I also realized that I can trace back feelings and experiences of this ‘type for over twenty years and I’ve actually been thinking on and off for the past few months what kind of alterhumanity I experience in regards to angels, especially since angel-hearted just didn’t seem to fit enough (though I may be angel-hearted, too, or it could just fall under the larger “monster-heartedness” I experience in relation to animalistic humanoids). Once I actually stopped to question why I wasn’t ever considering myself to have an angel ‘kintype and realized my reasoning basically came down to it “being too symbolic” in origin and that now I don’t see that as a valid sole reason to exclude it as a ‘kintype, a flood of thoughts came in and occupied my mind for the better part of a day relating to this angel aspect and why it may be a ‘kintype for me.

I did question if it’s really even an integral, deep part of myself and my identity and I realized the experiences I’ve had that provide a “yes” in answer to that. This is rather different than the processes I went through to figure out my other ‘kintypes (as either what kind of animal/creature they are or in just verifying to myself whether they were ‘kintypes or something else), but I feel like I sort of ‘blocked off’ part of my angel self, I created a kind of dam from recognizing it as the level and type of aspect it now seems to have always been, or at least developed into many years ago. Sure, I fully admit I could be wrong about this and maybe months or years down the road I will change my mind and realize this aspect isn’t a ‘kintype. But for now, I feel comfortable and good about believing it is a ‘kintype.

Because this kind of angel is so different from how most angelkin describe being such, even though it does hold notable similarities to popular and historical concepts of angels, so I’ve decided to coin my own ‘species’ term for it: celesvogel (based on celestial and the German word for bird, “vogel”). Heck, I already coined a species-specific term for my vampire ‘type and theropod ‘type, so this is basically right in line with that and allows me to more easily specify what kind of angel I’m talking about in my writing. Although it does seem to be largely based on my personal symbolic associations with the concept of angels, the experience itself is more than just symbolic. I’ve put together information about celesvogels based on my experiences and on, essentially, noemata I have of them--an intuitive knowledge that I pieced together through questioning different attributes and such of them.

I read what various other angelkin described as being the main attributes of what makes angels actually angels and found that though I related to and agreed with some of it, there was a lot I didn’t. In particular, most of them I read had largely Abrahamic, especially Christian, concepts of angels which I don’t connect with. I do not view celesvogels as being “servants of a monotheistic God”, or probably to any deities--they aren’t servants, at least not as followers in service to something. They don’t act the way they do because a higher power commands them to, they do it because that is how they are mentally and instinctively wired to act. They do hold some similarities in mind to that of humans, but they are far from mentally (let alone in body or power) being humans and shouldn’t be thought of as needing to act in a way that is “more human”. Due to their total lack of want, need, or ability to reproduce (they don’t have reproductive organs, for one, nor any other means to reproduce), I deciphered that they are probably created by some form of deity or other powerful entity, but not in the sense to be servants to that entity. Rather, they fulfill a purpose intended by the deity through their acts, behaviors, and instinct because that is just how they are as creatures, even without them having any knowledge or concept whatsoever of that particular deity or any deities, let alone them having conscious knowledge that what they are doing is specifically because a deity *wills* it. They are as much servants of a deity as whatever organism, including humans, are servants to evolution. They don’t act as they do because they are commanded to, they do it because it is in their inherent nature.

This, however, makes the concept of their free will kind of grey. I feel like they do have the ability to make at least some choices freely while others they do because that’s just how they are wired and they don’t even have the want to go against them. Again, this goes back to what I mentioned earlier to not try to “humanize” them--just because extensive free will is so important to us as humans, that doesn’t mean it holds the same weight for all creatures, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. A creature doesn’t have to be oh-so human mentally and behaviorally in order to be “valid”, let alone good or even helpful. I feel that, ultimately, they still choose to make the actions they do toward or about a charge or whatever is in their stewardship--they still have to balance complex situations with questions of morals and ethics, including in ways that, honestly, I don’t fully understand right now--I feel I am part celesvogel, not fully one, when it comes down to it. Their actions have consequences, whether good, bad, or otherwise, and the actions of their charges have consequences, too, which the celesvogels have to weigh what to do or not to do. They have the ability to think and reason, and to learn from circumstances. To my understanding, they can’t “fall” since that would kind of go against what I described above.

The concept of angels as messengers of the divine doesn’t resonate to me for celesvogels, at the least not in any kind of direct sense of being messengers. Again, technically they may ultimately be tools, instruments, of a divine being to do whatever work it sees fit, and through that they could be seen as ‘delivering divine messages’ to their charges. Their duties involve things like stewardship to things, such as environments and ecosystems, as also being guides and/or guardians to charges (whether human or not), and even act as inspiration/creative muses. I also wouldn’t really call them warriors, but they can be very determined and fierce, especially when it comes to protecting something or someone. They aren’t mindless creatures of instinct either, nor are they devoid of emotion and personality--they have a spectrum of emotions, and such helps them bond further with and protect their charges, and they each have their own particular personality. I don’t think they have things like rank/hierarchy, including archangels, though they seem to have different roles based on the particular kind of duty they are doing (sentry, caretaker, guide, steward, etc.) that can vary over the course of their lives. Celesvogels also aren’t “fluffy” in what they do--they aren’t perfect beings, nor are they totally benevolent, and if anything they act as helpers and possibly balancers.

In regards to their bodies and appearance, they have incorporeal bodies rather than physical ones and have mental and spiritual abilities to allow them to communicate with physical beings. They are also capable of flight. I’m unsure what their forms would look like, beyond having feathered, bird-like wings on their backs, though I tend to think they have some level of shapeshifting ability--to what extent I don’t currently know, but their body form except for their wings seems to me almost arbitrary and not a big part of who, what, and the way they are. I think they aren’t particularly social with one another either and they are totally asexual and aromantic. Gender is also either null to them or fluid in the sense of changing based on shifting their forms. They also sometimes vocalize in what sounds like song--kind of like language-less choir singing. Perhaps they do it as one form of communication with their charges or even for the sake of self-expression.

Even though I don’t consider celesvogels to be “warriors” proper, I feel like they were still fierce protectors against incorporeal threats and with that they at times wielded swords or perhaps other melee weapons to use. I sometimes feel like I should be skilled in some kind of melee weaponry, and can feel the weight of a sword or some other weapon from my hand or sitting across my shoulder along with some objects evoking that sensation more when I hold them. I don’t feel remotely similar about ranged weapons, especially guns, and have retained a strong preference in fighting games toward using certain kinds of melee weaponry (particularly fond of the “Soul Calibur” game series). I remain unsure for now about whether celesvogels would receive any weaponry or fighting training or if they would just have innate knowledge of good ways to fight. I know when it comes to me in fighting games I am a button-masher who doesn't take time to think carefully about the opponent's moves and blocking or parrying them, but this is probably a lot because of my slow cognitive processing, so I actually can't think fast enough to react to the opponent's moves properly. I would like to think I could think and react faster as an actual-in-body angel. This weaponry aspect is also why the few original characters I have are wielders of melee-style weapons even though they live in a time similar to our modern era of technology and advanced guns. Though I don’t have the money nor great enough reason to seek out training to use some kind of melee weapon in real life.

Also on the subject of my OCs, my main one possesses some qualities of celesvogels. Actually, one of her names is “Angellore”, which was based on a Tristania song of the same name in which I first envisioned her. She’s a shapeshifter with a human, partially human, and fully nonhuman form, and she is a mix of human, domestic cat, and crow. In her partially human form, she has white (or mainly white) feathered wings on her back, a cat’s tail, claws, pointed ears, fangs, some feathers on the upper portion of her face, and solid black eyes. She wields a bladed staff and sharpened sais as her weapons. Angellore is also able to fly in that partially human form and is basically an “airbender” (to borrow a term from the “Avatar: The Last Airbender” universe). But it’s really just certain aspects of her personality and behavior, and the mix between feline, avian, and human which make her feel kind of “angelic”-based to me, especially a similarity to celesvogels in particular. My own experiences in being angel are marked by a similar such mix of avian, human, and other creature (perhaps feline--I already experience that from my cat theriotype and from my vampire ‘kintype, so it’s too hard to decipher currently); a blend of human and nonhuman animal.

Knowing all this, I honestly don’t even think these beings ever actually existed in this realm/universe, but heck, perhaps they could have or do. For me, this is a psychological experience, like my other ‘kintypes. As I have read and skimmed over various posts and forum threads about angelkin I feel a lack of a sense of belonging amongst them, for the most part. I can’t relate to the religious nor deity-based things, but even still, I’ve never actually found a notable sense of belonging in the therian and otherkin communities either, despite my care for them and irregular activity within them (I’ve always mostly lurked rather than been active). It’s interesting though that both my vampire and angel ‘types in some way keep me connected to the therian and otherkin communities--through my vampire ‘type I get times of being filled with wanting to have more of a voice and confidence in myself, and through angel I feel like trying to help others in some significant way.

[joe-maristopher]

«WandaVision»: 3. Wanda, dear, do we have a problem?

Boom! We have a mention of Pietro, Ultron, Shakespeare (ah, Vision's an ntellectual), neighbors with a slight horror in their eyes, unjustified speed of events, as well as the subtext "Wanda in her world is a king and the god". And yes, that awesome soap ads! The slogan is a reference to Wanda's newfound abilities, I think. I keep my eyes on Agnes and prepare an invitation for her to go to the evil characters' bench. You can't be sure of anything, but who knows, she is able use the situation for her own purposes and be a helper of Mephisto.

Let's talk about the kids and the speed of everything.

I've never been a fan of Billy and Tommy in the first place. I don't understand all the excitement associated with them, and I remember that everything ended after their appearence... badly. Besides. I've always wondered why Wanda rode into the magical wilds and didn't think/want to solve the problem any other way. Adoption, for example. Donor sperm. Something else. Why was it necessary to create such problems, taking pieces of Mefisto´s soul, and thereby laying a huge dynamite under her family?

Let's say, our Wanda goes with a different vector, without the insane desire of a crazy momma-wannabe, but the children are still demonic? Playing with Mephisto's shadow isn't for nothing, is it?

I can't help but notice that Wanda's pregnancy in the comics also appeared suddenly. I might have forgotten something, because I was laughing so hard while reading the pages, but it was like this, the quotes are not accurate.

Wanda: I WANT A REAL FAMILY WITH KIDS. WANTWANTWANT!

The magic poof!

And Wanda is on the eve of her confinement. I don't remember Vision's reaction...

Our Vision was as surprised as I was, because in normal life, it does not happen, even if you are a synthesoid (five points to Marvel for mentioning this term! Finally! We waited for the long time!). I felt like I was watching the Sims with their woohoo and three-day pregnancy. It was all very fast, and I couldn't even blink. I didn't like that part, honestly. Something is missing. I also don't like that Marvel didn't focus much on Wanda and Vision, and instead our characters existed for fast-paced development, plot tools for introducing the twins, and Geraldine-Monica's "deportation" beyond the bubble. In other words, long periods of time are reduced to the limit.

A small question. The child is already doing magic (and Wanda calmly allows)?

Creepy moment. Let's talk about Vision again.

I thought that my screen glitched or the cat walked on the keyboard, so I didn't notice... Wanda, we have a real problem... And a new question. In the opinion for the first two series, I posted a list of the questions and now it gonna be expanded. We're still walking in the fog.

So... Vision is an illusion? Highly likely! Who would give us a resurrected Vision, right? Marvel won't let us be happy, and neither will Wanda.-_-

But if Vision was an illusion, controlled, a Wanda's puppet, then why did he even begin to think about what was happening, to understand that something was happening? Why? And how many times has this actually happened, off-screen? Fic-writers, let's go! And I'm probably going with you.

I also remember Vision's face when their dinner went wrong. So what are you, Vision? And by the way, how much control do you have? The feelings are your own, aren't they? Yes, Marvel?! Don't mess with me here. Don't make the shippers angry, they're already traumatized by the comic book versions of Wanda and Vision.

A lyrical digression.

There is one more thing that I want to touch, connected with all above. A certain Twitter user previously guessed or knew the names by which Wanda and Vision will be in the series. Before the release of the series, I ask you to note. I'm talking about Illusion and Glamour. Back then no one took it seriously, but after the release of episodes, the account began to be studied almost under a microscope. There is a long history with the renaming of acc, creating new acc with the same info, it's not the point. The same acc wrote that what we see isn't Vision, but Wonder Man, who thinks he is Vision..

I have a confession. I can't stand Wonder Man and everything that goes with him, including his shenanigans with Wanda. I just hate this stuff. Who doesn't know: Wonder Man and Vision have a connection in the comics, Wonder Man's brainwaves formed the basis of Vision's, correct me if I am wrong. So, technically, they're kind of brothers. Difficult, you may say? It's comics, kids! In short, if it really turns out to be so — I will consider it a personal insult. I'm sorry, but I love Vision and I watch the show with him, not with someone else.

Also, in general, Marvel owed us one moment, and it's good if they remembered about it and give a serial explanation: for all the years of Endgame, you did not try to do anything with the Vision's body? Where is it? In what condition? Tony forgot and didn't remember Vision?

Screw it!

Okay, okay, I've calmed down. I return to the subject and stop burning with righteous anger.

Illusion or not, we know from the trailers that Vision will posibly receive an information about his death. I see how it can go: It turns out that Vision learns the truth, Wanda is not there to stop him, he decides to find out everything from Wanda, but the moment is not very good, because the agents of S. W. O. R. D doing their job, and Wanda is already in the berserk mode... And it ends badly.

Creepy moment. A sad moment. Give Wanda some cocoa and a warm blanket. Please.

That was full of pain. Wanda could try and run from her memories, or force herself to forget them, but they are coming back with suspicious questions from a stranger, with jewelry on someone's neck. Wanda's upset, the neighbors ara glitching (to Vision´s concern), and under the iceberg of family life with two newborns and a lullaby for them, there are the abyss, hiding... Creepy and painful.

I am kinda dissaponted with the 3rd episode, but still enjoyed some moments and still want to save Wanda from this darkness.

[multisfabulis]

Love’s Descent into Madness

Dethronement (Chapter 3/3)

Word Count: 3627

TW: Graphic depictions of violence, gore, decapitation, and major character death

Happy holidays!

I hope everyone likes the ending because writing this was suffering. Winter decided to come early this year and I absolutely hate the cold so a lot of this was written with numb fingers. The past few days have also been tiring and, because I wanted to get this out before Christmas, I had to pull an all-nighter to finish this and rewrite it to make it look pretty so this was a sleep-deprived fic.

Okay, so I have some things I need to explain:

First off, that line about Ayano needing to apply herself more to her schoolwork was actually a reference to a piece of fanart I saw of Saeru (in disguise as Kenjirou) helping Ayano with her homework and subtly taking digs at her the whole time. I just thought of it while I was writing that paragraph and thought it'd be a neat reference. I can't find the Tweet but I'm hoping someone has a link to it!

Second off, that instance of Kenjirou almost ruining Saeru's plan is a bit of foreshadowing to another Kagepro fic I'm in the works of writing. It may not be the next Kagepro fic I write but it IS coming.

Thirdly, the whole meaning behind Azami not being able to die but still being killed. I know it sounds like the "People die when they are killed" meme but let me explain. I needed to think of a way Azami could still die but without anyone telling me "She's immortal, she can't die" so the way I went about it is, the Queen Snake was what let her be immortal. Because that was the snake that, in my fic, marked her as a god, she couldn't die. Once she gave that snake to Marry, she lost her god status, bringing her down to our level. However, because she was still a Gorgon, I made it so that she couldn't die by natural causes, I.E. starvation, sleep deprivation, etc. She was now an immortal mortal, meaning she couldn't die from natural causes BUT she could now be killed. I don't know if this makes a lot of sense but this is the best way I can describe it.

Finally, the ending. It only occurred to me when I was writing the build-up to it that I wanted to make it a sort of dark twist on Kagepro's themes of moving on after a loved one's death. Saeru decides to move on after Azami's death but he regarded her as dead years ago and was the one to kill her. I don't know if it worked the way I wanted it to but I tried my best.

I'm happy this didn't take that long unlike another past project of mine and I hope everyone who's read this enjoyed it!

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     The never-ending world, or the Daze as it was now called, had undergone many changes over the years. It was only natural since it was ordered to swallow up any unfortunate souls that were unlucky enough to die on August 15th and the world needed to accommodate for its ever increasing number of occupants. Yet there were some things that never changed, no matter how much time had passed. Absence truly did make the heart grow fonder.

     He was in very familiar territory. Casually strolling through the dark woods revealed a large clearing where a small decrepit house stood. The moon’s radiance acted as if it were a spotlight, shining down upon it to let him know she was here. It may be an inferior replica but there was no mistaking it. Saeru was home.

     It had been several years since his departure from the Daze. The rest of his siblings were gone, having ventured out to the real world in their human vessels and he couldn’t blame them for leaving. Who’d want to stay in a place where the only company you had was a good-for-nothing has-been of a queen? That’s why he followed the example his four siblings set and escaped when the opportunity presented itself. He really wanted to thank them when he had the chance.

     The body he left in was a person by the name of Tateyama Kenjirou. A hardworking teacher and devoted family man, he and Saeru met when he and his wife were caught in a landslide. Saeru promised to bring her back if the man allowed him to reside in his body and he accepted his terms of the bargain. That was how their unlikely partnership began, union between human and snake.

     It felt simply amazing to have a body to control. While it had taken him some time to adapt and familiarize himself with human behavior, he nevertheless reveled in it. No longer was he a snake relegated to devising plans. He had the means to carry them out himself and no one would be none the wiser. At least, that’s what he believed before a certain idiotic girl proved him wrong.

     He had to give her some credit. Not only did she figure out most of his plan just by reading her father’s research but she learned of his existence all due to a small yet sloppy mistake. If she only applied that amount of effort into her schoolwork, then she wouldn’t have been as stupid as she led herself to believe. There was, however, one thing she didn’t take into account.

     She thought killing herself would stop him from going after everyone. What she didn’t think about was the advantage her death would give him. One less person to worry about ruining his plan and she left behind a perfectly traumatized helper. The damn brat was like putty in his hands; a few convincing threats to his precious “family” and a deal with the devil was made.

     But then the dear old professor kept butting into his business. There were several times over the past two years where he came out because he wanted to spend some “quality time” with the remainder of his family. There was one instance he could recall in which his plan was almost thwarted but Saeru was able to take back the reins. It was too easy to pull the wool over his partner’s eyes and trick him into thinking he was dreaming. It wasn’t like he was lying to him, he was just using the information he knew about humans to his benefit.

     Today was when his plan was truly enacted. All the necessary people had arrived, including his traitorous sibling. Konoha, as they were now called, seemed to have forgotten what the humans did to their real family all those years ago and had allied with them. Their compassion for them had its perks, though. It only took one well-aimed bullet to strike them down, leaving them open for a permanent takeover.

     The resulting bloodbath was nothing short of marvelous. Having a body, especially one such as his, meant much more fun and creative ways to play with his toys. Spines breaking as they hit concrete walls and organs hitting the floor with a wet slap was like music to his ears. He even ripped out a pathetic shut-in’s throat with his bare hands just because he could and it was oh so enjoyable to hear him choke on his own blood. Too bad it was over all too soon.

     The crybaby brat was left as the sole survivor. He knew what she was capable of and she was the essential component. Yet, he couldn’t help feeling a small sort of kinship with her, which he found funny. He was, in a way, her subject and she his queen but it felt as if they were equals. Perhaps, if he had her powers, he too could rewind time to the point he would’ve taken a different path. To spend more time with the one he loved above all else… That was a dream best left in the past.

     He decided to leave her be so she’d be able to mourn her losses. He needed to use the little time he had to take care of unfinished business. He fled from the scene by going through the portal she created in the midst of her despair.

     He found himself in what seemed to be a white void. The floor beneath him rippled when his feet touched the surface and he realized he was standing on water. His reflection stared back at him when he cast his eyes downward. The body his sibling graciously gifted to him allowed him to change it however he wanted and he liked the changes he made. A vessel specifically tailored just for him was such a wonderful thing and it was a shame to have to give it up.

     A pair of small black horns stuck out of long dark hair tied into a braid. Black scales painted the edges of his face and eyes, trailing down his neck before concealing themselves under the layers of clothes. He kept his red eyes and fangs from when he was a snake so he’d still be recognizable. Blood coated his hands and stained the only article of pristine white clothing he wore, which he hoped would intimidate his prey. She’d never see this coming.

     Finding an exit out of the void was simple. All he had to do was take a step and he was in an entirely different place. There were an endless amount of stairs and corridors leading to doors, most of what he could see on fire. The heat was surprisingly pleasant as he wandered around the seemingly limitless labyrinth. It was then he spotted a tangle of black hair with a sliver of red hastily entering one of the doors. With a rush of adrenaline running through his veins, he ran towards the door. It had been so long since he played his favorite game of cat and mouse.

     He chased her through many areas of the Daze. One was of a ruined city where the setting sun gave way too many shadows for her to hide in. Another was of an urban landscape, not unlike a major street intersection, where there were dozens of blood splatters decorating the asphalt. It was after he cut across a nighttime city he arrived at his destination.

     Mother was inside. The house she and her wretched human “family” lived and laughed in for the few years they stayed there. It was fitting for her and him to settle their issues in the same place their troubles began. She’ll regret leaving behind the ones that truly loved her.

     He walked up to the house. Overgrown grass crept over the foundation and ivy crawled all along the flaky walls. There were broken shards of glass inside the windows, which would make it hard for trespassers to sneak in without alerting anyone. Parts of the roof had collapsed inward and the front door was hanging on by a thread. Mother’s really let the place go, hasn’t she?

     He stopped just before the door. How did he want to approach this? She had to know he was here so there was no need in being stealthy. He then did the next best thing, which was to kick the door down till he was inside. He smashed through it, reducing it to mere splinters. That was easy.

     The room he was in now was the same room he proposed the idea of creating this world to Mother. It was empty, save for a few pieces of overturned furniture scattered about the place and debris from the roof. Moonlight shone down from above, illuminating the room, though it wasn’t necessary. He could see perfectly well in the dark, despite the limitations of his “human” body.

     There were two doors that stood in front of him. Beyond them were bedrooms, one being that brat Shion’s and the other Mother’s. It was a coin toss as to which room she was hiding in and he hated wasting time with trivial matters like this. Besides, even if he did end up picking the wrong choice, she wouldn’t get away undetected. His hearing was almost as good as hers and she knew that.

     An idea sprang into his mind to try luring her out. He stood at the wall separating the two rooms, wound up his fist, and punched it. The sheer power in the hit caused a crater to form in the wall as dust sprinkled down from the ceiling. He heard something fall from behind the left door and a sharp intake of breath. The corners of his mouth curved up as he tried to fight back a laugh. There she was.

     Keeping his excitement in check, he pushed open the door. Inside the room were the remains of a bed with two nightstands on either side of it and an empty window over to the right. He didn’t need the light coming in from a hole in the ceiling to see her. Mother sat in a corner of the room, her whole body shaking.

     She hadn’t changed at all. She still had the same cascade of raven hair tied up with a red ribbon, the same black dress. The same red eyes resembling his own were now staring at him in pure fear. It must’ve been quite the shock for her to see Saeru walking around and being able to express his moods in a more effective way. She’d finally know how much and how deep his feelings ran.

     “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, Mother?” he asked, putting on a fake smile.

     When she didn’t respond, he continued on with, “Nothing to say to me? Not even a welcome home? I know the last time we talked was years ago but I thought you’d still have some love in your heart for me. But I guess not.”

     She still hadn’t said anything. He was getting rather annoyed at the silent treatment, even if it did bring him a modicum of amusement. Does she really think staying quiet in this situation will save her? Well, he had a way of making her talk and he deserved to brag about his accomplishments.

     “If you can’t already tell, I paid a visit to the real world,” he said, noting the sudden pique of interest. “It’s changed so much since our time out there. I’ve met so many interesting people during my trip, including the kids my siblings are inhabiting the bodies of. I even got the chance to meet your successor, what was her name again? Ah, right, Marry.”

     He saw the quick flash of anger across her face as she asked, “What did you do to her?”

     “You can rest easy,” he replied, his temper beginning to flare up. “I haven’t laid a finger on that crybaby brat’s head. She’s all right, physically, at least.”

     It was then her eyes wandered down to his blood-soaked hands. Gone was the anger as horror came to replace it at the grisly sight. He wondered when she’d notice that and he was pleased to know her reaction was how he predicted it to be. Her imagination had to be running wild with all the ways that blood got on his hands. The temptation of telling her his gruesome acts was there but this was more fun.

     “Her mind, though, must be forever scarred,” he said with a dissonant smile. “I imagine her heart shattered to pieces after I killed her friends.”

     “Why are you doing this?!” she demanded, her teary eyes full of fury. “Why must you hurt me so?”

     All the fun he was having at her expense evaporated. Was she being serious? Did she really have the gall to ask why he was doing all this? Maybe it was time to remind her of the fault she held in this.

     “I think the better question is, why did you choose them over us? Why did you abandon us?” He crouched down and rested his cheek on his hand.

     “What are you talking about? I never abandoned you or your siblings! I tried my best to have the two most important things in my life get along without any issue.” She gestured to him with her hand. “You were the only one who had a problem with it!”

     His eyes narrowing, he asked in indignation, “How could you expect me to not have a problem with it? How could you forget all the pain, all the suffering, all the torment the humans dealt on to you? How could you run off with that man and bear his child after everything they’ve done to you?”

     It was at this point she stood up. He did as well, noticing the hard glint of stubbornness in her eyes. He already knew what was coming and he didn’t want to hear the same old, tired speech.

     “Tsukihiko was different. He was kind to me, he cared for me.” She put a hand on her chest, where her heart was. “He loved me. He was treated the same way I was so---”

     “So you thought you and him were the same? Please,” he interrupted, scoffing at the ridiculousness of the thought. “You and that man were never the same and you know why? He was but a mere mortal and you a god. You will never belong with the humans, no matter how much you try and forget that fact.”

     “What do you want from me? An apology, is that it?” she asked, exasperated. He wanted much more than empty platitudes.

     “What I want is for you to understand exactly how much you’ve hurt me.” He took a couple steps toward her, causing dust to rain down on top of him. “You refused to heed my warnings, took that brat’s side over mine, and you tried to leave me behind in this world. Who does that to someone they once claimed to love? Someone whose only crime was loving them?

     “You’ve become the very thing you’ve never wanted to be.” He locked eyes with her and gave voice to all the pain and scorn he felt. “You’re a monster.”

     It was as if he stabbed her through the gut with a knife. Tears spilled over as she fell to her knees, holding her head in her hands. It was bad enough for the humans to call her that when they knew nothing about her. It must’ve been like a betrayal to hear that come from someone she once considered to be her closest friend. Still, he got a dark sense of satisfaction seeing her break down. It served her right to feel only a fraction of the pain he’s dealt with for years.

     “And yet--” he paused as she looked up at him-- “despite everything you did to me, I still love you. I was created to serve you and be with you for however long you wanted but I grew to genuinely love you. How could I not?”

     She withdrew further into the corner after he stepped closer. The question he wanted, needed to ask leapt into his mind. A simple yes or no question and whatever her answer was would determine what he’d do next.

     “It’s because of my love for you I ask,” he began, paying close attention to her face, “if you still hold some fondness for the humans. Do you still love your family?”

     Without any hesitance in her voice, she replied with, “Of course I do. I’ll always love them. Tsukihiko, Shion, Marry…I love them all from the bottom of my heart.”

     That was the answer he feared to hear. Her saying that proved to him she was too far gone and needed to be put out of her misery. They took everything away from her, from her happiness to her sanity. It’s because he loved her he’d be willing to give her the sweet release she deserved.

     He started walking towards her. She tried to crawl away from him but found herself cornered with no means of escape. A wicked grin split across his face as he came into the moon’s silvery ray of light. He stopped just short of her, towering above her small, trembling form.

     “What are you going to do to me?” she asked, scared for her life. “Whatever it is, I can’t die.”

     “Oh, Mother…” He knelt down in front of her and cupped her cheeks. Her scales were smooth to the touch as he wiped away her tears. “You’re right in that you can’t die. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be killed.”

     His smile growing ever larger, he said, “You lost your immortality the moment you passed on your crown.”

     Her eyes widened in horror as his hands slid down to her neck. He could feel her pulse thudding against his palms, his slender fingers wrapped around her throat. She softly whimpered and he leaned in close. He whispered into her ear his final words before her denouement.

     “Goodnight, Mother.”

     It wasn’t hard to crush her windpipe. Her nails dug into his arms in a desperate attempt to fight back but he merely brushed them off. He knew she was close to death when her eyes started to roll to the back of her head. Then he had an idea to end this in something more similar to his style.

     Her skin began to tear apart as he pulled her head up like a weed. The sound of her neck breaking echoed in the empty house. He finally ripped her head off her shoulders, blood pouring out of the stump as he stood up. Her body slumped onto the floor, the moon’s light reflected off the crimson pool.

     Mother’s bright red eyes were now dull and lifeless. Her mouth lolled open and what little saliva she had trickled out of the corners. He could see just a sliver of her vertebrae sticking out of the bottom of her neck. He untied the ribbon holding her hair up, wiped the spit away with his sleeve, and shut her eyes. Her dark tresses felt soft on his skin as he touched their foreheads together.

     “We’ll be together forever, right, Mother?” he said with a depraved smile before crazed laughter spilled out of his mouth like a stream.

     It was only a matter of waiting now before time was reset. How far back it’d go, he didn’t know. Even if it was as far back to the beginning, he’d remember the events of this loop an do them again. He’d do them again and again to his heart’s content and no one would be able to stop him.

     The only thing he wouldn’t commit again was his act of matricide. It was a one time thing and it was done to give him “closure” or whatever the humans called it. Mother warped into someone he didn’t recognize and he needed to accept that the person he knew had died a long time ago. At least he’ll always have his memories of her kept close to his heart.

     It was time to look forward and move ahead to the future. Whatever the next summers brought, he was sure to enjoy every last bit.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

The Presence and Help of the Spirit in Prayer

by Robert Philip

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." - Romans 8:26

We acknowledge that God the Father is the hearer of prayer, that Christ is the intercessor, and that the Holy Spirit is the helper. Yet I fear we are not fully aware of its full meaning, for seldom do we pray under its sweet and solemn influence. Let us examine two causes in order that we may set upon the cure.

The first is, that we hurry into the presence of God without taking time to compose our spirits or collect our scattered thoughts. And the second is, that we do not, in general, expect to enjoy communion with God or find much pleasure in prayer.

We have heard prayer spoken of as a special privilege, and thus we imagine it must be a rare thing too. But this is a mistaken notion; and when we combine it with a hasty dash to our prayer closet, is it any surprise that our awareness of the divine presence is both fleeting and feeble? For how could it be otherwise when we expect little and prepare less? Surely the disciples could not have found it so when they entered their closets to pray after the day of Pentecost. When they truly knew that the Spirit would help their infirmities, and that the ascended Lord would intercede for them, and that their heavenly Father would hear and answer their prayers, then they could neither kneel without awe nor plead without hope. With these glorious facts before them in all their freshness, it was impossible for them to be formal or heartless in devotion.

Now the disciples did not, like us, grow up familiar with all the facts that we now have. Until the facts were revealed to them on the day of Pentecost, they had no idea of such a thing as the intercession of Christ or the help of the Holy Spirit in prayer. They were not, it is true, utter strangers to the office of the Father, Son, and Spirit in relation to prayer. They were even well acquainted with the paternal character of God and had heard much of the efficacy of the "name" of Christ in connection with prayer. So also they were not entirely ignorant of the work of the Holy Spirit. Their knowledge, however, came far short of the amazing and magnificent truth that the enthroned Savior ever lived to intercede for them and that the eternal Spirit helped their infirmities in prayer. This must have given them an almost new insight into prayer.

Imagine, then, with these facts vividly before them, with what solemnity and delight the disciples retired for the first time to pray. They could now see Jesus actually interceding for them before the Father's throne, presenting their prayers embalmed with the incense of his very personal presence. They could now rely upon help from the Holy Spirit in their private warfare against sin and Satan. How they must have prayed that first night after all this was revealed to them!

Can you see how impossible it is to pray with a cold and dull heart if the intercession of Christ and the help of the Spirit are clearly before your mind? Perhaps you may be thinking, "If I had been one of them, I too would have been amazed and melted by such a revelation." Well, the facts themselves are the same, and their value does not depend upon learning them suddenly. You have come to the knowledge of them gradually. What remains is simply to grasp their significance.

It may be, however, that the very clearness with which you now see the amazing fact that the Holy Spirit does help in prayer makes you doubt whether you have ever experienced it. You feel afraid to account your own earnest supplications to a source so high. It seems too good to be true that the Eternal Spirit should have inclined your heart to pray according to the will of God. You cannot forget how imperfect and impure your best prayers have been and thus conclude, "How can I connect them with the operations of the Spirit of God?" You imagine that if a "spirit of grace and supplication" had really been poured out upon you, you would have felt far more of it than you have. Nothing which you have experienced seems to have come up to it. The Spirit is an Almighty agent, and you cannot think that his work in the heart could be so weak as it is in your own.

This is a trying dilemma. Your mind is alive to the truth and glory of help from on high, but both the truth and glory of it make you afraid you are not a partaker of it. You are unwilling to admit you are an utter stranger to the influences of the Holy Spirit, yet you are unable to say with certainty that you are a subject of them.

I recollect being sorely pressed by this difficulty while walking in the fields one day. It was summer, when the insects were sporting in the sun. While gazing upon them, it occurred to me that each of those tiny insects was as much the work of Omnipotence as the mightiest angel, that each insect's almost inaudible hum could only have been called forth by the same power which inspires the hymn of an archangel. And then, in a moment, I saw that "small things" in the beginning of a work of grace may as truly be the work of the Spirit as the gift of prophecy or miracles. It was a simple process of thought, but it was very useful to me. I realized that nothing but Omnipotence could have created an insect or an archangel, and nothing but Omnipotence could turn the heart to seek its salvation and sanctification in God.

[youarejesting]

Quarantine.7

[Masterlist] Pairing: BTS x reader Friends2Lovers But as slow as you can go until the anticipation kills us all… Genres: friendship, drama, romance SLOWEST OF BURNS BUT IT WILL BE BURNING AN ETERNAL FLAME!!! Rating: PG-13 and above Summary: Your brother works with a few BigHit dance teams and whilst having permission to accompany him at work the city shuts down banning anyone from stepping outside for a whole WEEK while they disinfect the streets. If you step outside you might get arrested, shot or poisoned by the chemicals they are emitting through the city. Words: 2.7k Announcement: Sorry that I posted this late the reason why is I had this complete at 8:30pm but my google doc decided to take my edited version and my unedited version and layer them on top of each other so naturally, I wanted to knock myself out with a hammer. After a long shower, I painstakingly worked on it as even the google docs history hadn’t saved the edited version. 

[Part 1]  [Part 6]  [Part 8]   [Tag Yourself Here]

You had a major major breakdown. Why did it hurt so bad? Was it the disappointment on Hoseok's face? You crawled out of your makeshift tub and wrapped yourself in a towel. Slipping on clean underwear and a hoodie you trudged back into your little home if you will. Eyes which were swollen and red from your tears becoming heavy. The door to the storage room opened, there in the doorway stood Taehyung “Annyong,” his deep tone filled the room as you watched his tiny gestures. He had wrapped himself in his blanket and hugged his pillow. 

“What is it,” You were finding it hard to be blunt with him as he was so gentle and innocent. He was a fully matured young man, he had his moments of perversion or pranks but overall he didn’t have a malicious bone in his body. 

“Can I sleep beside you?” Nodding too exhausted and sad to say no. He shut the door and waddled over, laying down beside you and making himself comfortable. After a few minutes of fluffing his pillow and removing your blanket and laying his bigger blanket over you both. Despite the extra room his blanket gave, he pulled you close wrapping his arms around you. You fit perfectly in his arms, letting out an audible whine as your breasts felt so soft behind your hoodie. He tried to think about other things like his favourite painter’s while singing under his breath anything to distract from your presence. The plain vanilla scent that emanated from your skin had him pressing his nose to your neck. 

Every time you started to fall asleep he would moan your name and hug you tighter. Only settling when you wrapped him in your arms. His face up close was so inhuman, his sharp jaw and angular nose, the ratios between his eyes nose and lips were perfect, the symmetry everything. It was too good to be true. His personality was so gentlemanly as well it was like he just stepped out of a romance novel. Not the fifty shades kind where they have a haunting and mysterious backstory no this was the kind that is always there and the female lead doesn’t notice how good he is until the end and everything has a happy end.

Except this wasn’t the case, there was no love story here. People as perfect and gentle as Taehyung, they end up with; kind, generous and drop-dead gorgeous people. Even you wanted that for him. When you finally managed to fall asleep you were trapped in some romcom nightmare. Where your hunky neighbour and best friend Taehyung was trying to get you to fall in love with him. You had given in towards the end when he had saved your life in the dream. Taehyung lent in to kiss you, however, an inch away he pulled back and it was actually Hoseok. He looked at you in disgust and hurt. “I guess we weren’t friends after all”

Ripped from your dream with a jolt you accidentally startled Taehyung. It was useless to try to get out of his grip, you were supposed to be forgetting about them. You weren’t supposed to be worrying about Taehyung’s need for skinship and you definitely weren’t supposed to be hung up on Hoseok who was all you could think about. Him repeating those words ‘I guess we weren’t friends after all’.

“I missed you, why have you been hiding from us?” Taehyung hummed, finally addressing the subject of your disappearance the days prior. His hands slid up under your hoodie and his soft fingertips drew soft circles on your back. You don’t know if Taehyung knew the things he did were very romantic gestures one might do with a lover. Or if he just did whatever he wanted because it felt nice. You didn’t stop his gentle caress’ it felt too amazing on your jelly-like muscles. Instead, you pretended not to particularly enjoy the time you spent with him. Not saying anything that could ruin his innocent and happy bubble so early in the morning. 

“Tae I have to go for a shower,” You thought this time a hot shower was needed, your muscles were in quite a bad way. The journey to the bathroom and shower and the actions required to get there and undress seemed both impossible and daunting. 

“No don’t leave, I want to hug you” Did he not realise he was already hugging you? Your resolve wavered for a moment with the idea that maybe you could let him in and be nice. But the moment passed quickly and you sat up out of his arms he had rolled onto his chest pouting and kicking his legs under the blanket. His fake square mouth crying almost made you laugh and he noticed sitting up with a smirk. 

“Tae it’s just a shower”

“Take me with you,” he pinched your hoodie between his thumb and forefinger, you blushed causing him to beam a brilliant megawatt smile, maybe he knew what he was doing all along. You tried to get up eyes watering in pain, he held on firmly to the hem of your clothes. “Take me with you, it’s not the first time we have showered together” 

“Fine come on let’s shower, grab some clean clothes,” you said trying to pull his hand off your hoodie without flashing your underwear. He was frozen, his mouth falling open as he licked his lip, the idea of showering with you had been stuck in his mind ever since his drunken ordeal some nights ago. You managed to slip away from his grip and ducked quickly to the bathroom, remembering to lock the door behind you. 

You were shampooing your hair when you heard him try the door and whine “you're a liar!” His cry made you unknowingly smile from safe and unseen behind the bathroom walls. Your brassiere was still drying after you showered in your clothes. Dressing in black shorts and a white button-up you decided to go without, to be safe you threw on a black blazer. You didn’t want for any reason the shirt to become see-through and reveal your thing is if you were going without a bra it had to be a look. 

You put your hair in a business-appropriate style, your makeup was done with a dark lip tint and a slight bit of contouring of your cleavage. Adding jewellery you had found in the boxes. Simple geometric chain earring and layered geometric shape necklaces that had a chain that fell between your breasts both in silver. After slipping on some black heeled boots and looked in the mirror. 

This was the look. You were fierce and ready to take on anything. When you left the bathroom Taehyung wasn’t there. Walking down the corridor you called for the elevator checking yourself out in the stainless steel doors. You couldn’t stop the small amount of concern that coursed through you for the boys to be impressed. 

The people in the cafeteria were staring at you. Acting like it was no big deal as you confidently strode across the floor. The servers looked you over, shifting almost ashamed in their tracksuits, You made sure to be polite and compliment them. You weren’t a total bitch, nor did you think you were better than anyone here. They were talking hastily in Korean. Collecting your meal you turned to face the room. Areum waved at you from across the cafeteria. She was such a nice young woman, she had a boyfriend who face-timed her daily he was stuck in their apartment with their cats. She listened to your problems and even gave you great advice. 

Waving back, she looked pretty in the dresses you had given her which were too small for you. She looked a lot less dishevelled having access to your secret shower you had given her a time slot where she could shower, in hopes that it was never congested in the basement. You didn’t want people to start wondering why everyone was hanging out down there. For the safety of the bathroom, you removed the sign on the door. So if anyone happened to go down there it looked like just another storage room. Aiming to sit next to your brother for lunch. He had, of course, threatened you to come out of the basement or he would give your secret shower location away to all the employees. 

You carried your tray, walking slowly across the cafeteria floor. Still not spotting your brother. You ignored Taehyung's wave from their table. Someone snatched your tray, looking at them you saw Jungkook running towards the band’s table. Yoongi and Jimin wrapped their arms around your shoulders and waist, leading you without a chance to escape. Sitting you down trapped between them. Namjoon and Seokjin sat across from you both scanning your face and outfit. 

“Ya don’t pout we aren’t that bad,” Seokjin said pointing his chopsticks at you and snapping them threateningly. It wasn’t a real threat he looked rather amused, his eyes glancing to the unbuttoned section of your shirt every now and again. Hoseok refused to speak while eating his breakfast and whenever he was spoken to he merely shrugged. You ate your breakfast in mostly silence, answering them only when they asked you a question. 

Once breakfast was over you handed your tray over to the kitchen helpers and when you turned you saw Hoseok tongue pressed against his cheek staring at your ass in the shorts you were wearing. Whoever Gfriend was? They had some cute and stylish outfits. The others announced they were going to go get ready for the day, You went to the dance studio followed by Hoseok who sat at the back of the room watching you. You danced for about half an hour before the rest of the boys came in sitting beside Hoseok and cheering you on. The song you were halfway through dancing to had a lot you could relate to in your current situation. Dancing out your feelings. 

Hoseok had seen it the moment it started the regression and depression in your eyes, he knew when you stopped leaving the basement, that something was wrong. When you started hiding from them in the halls and dodging them he knew they must have said something to hurt you. He thought it showed how much they cared, how completely wrapped around your finger they were. When you came back from the supply run gasping and begging for water he was the one to get it. But hearing you say that they didn’t care because they were famous. He wasn’t expecting that at first, he was hurt and mad because none of that was true, but the more he thought about it he knew you were right about one thing. Without the quarantine, you might not have met. 

He wondered how he could make you trust them, that they wouldn’t just leave you when this was over, but he didn’t know for sure if they would even have time to hang out after. You had a right to be upset. No amount of makeup you wore could conceal the puffiness around your eyes. And here you were again a few tears falling as you put your soul into your dance. 

You spun a complete circle ready for the chorus, only to spot Hoseok in the mirror dancing beside you. Copying some of your choreography that you had been repeating every chorus and when you kicked your leg up he caught it. Pulling you forward to fall against his strong chest. They all didn’t look like much but they were all so very strong. While still holding your leg he wrapped his free arm around your back. Lifting you slightly and walking you back towards the mirror, you were both panting chest to chest your leg secure in his hand above your head. 

You felt the stretch in your hamstring and groaned. Your muscles were still sore. Turning your head away, not wanting to be a part of whatever it was he thought he was doing. He whispered in Korean his thumb brushing your cheek which you hadn’t realised was damp from tears. Pushing him away you straightened up both feet firmly planted on the ground. 

You grabbed your things and tried to leave, you were getting too emotional. They were trying to get close to you again. Didn’t Hoseok say that you weren’t friends? Namjoon stopped you grabbing your arm. “Did we do something wrong?”

“No” You refused to look at him and his grip tightened slightly as he tried to stop you struggling. “Look, I am just preparing for when the quarantine is over and we never see or speak to each other again because you boys are Korean celebrities and I am just a random foreigner who took your interest for a few days”

“Hey that’s not how we see you,” he said but you didn’t want to hear it, it could only make it worse if he actually said they thought of you as their actual friend. Because then you would get attached and when this was all over you would have to learn to cope never being able to see them again. Because of their crazy work schedule. What was the point of being friends? You knew you didn’t think this way, you would happily wait for them no matter how long their schedule was your whole life would be on pause for them. It was a dangerous way to live.

Passing Areum your head down, she called to you. Ducking into the elevator the doors closed on the shadow of a figure running towards it calling your name. The doors shut giving you a place to let your guard down, except when the door opened once more and you were met with the gorgeous sight of Kim Seokjin. He stepped inside and closed the doors. He hit the basement button and leaned back against the wall panting. 

“I got to work out more” you passed the second floor and he turned walking over. “You are right we Korean idols, we aren’t allowed to date, or hook up with anyone”

He tucked your hair behind your ear. “But that doesn’t mean our feelings aren’t real we are human” he reached up his palm covering the Elevator camera and he tilted your head up with his free hand. His face was so close and his eyes burning in anger. Anger that you could only assume was aimed at the very same idol status that was holding back from life. His breathing shook either from the chase or from the raw emotion he was feeling. “That doesn’t mean we don’t want to”

You were struck once in the chest, it was like the strike of lightning. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it once more unsure of the right words. The problem with the service elevator is it moved slower than the others, so you finally passed the first floor. And like that his lips were on yours. They were so soft and slid with such ease across yours. His warm tongue joining in and he tilted his head deepening the kiss and pressing you further against the wall. You felt helpless like Seokjin and the boys were an ocean at high tide and what was once shallow water had risen up around your knees and pulled you in. But every time it pulled you in it pushed you back. You were going to drown you just knew it. He was breathing heavily and audibly. Not wanting this to stop as he was finally feeling free, he finally was able to act on something. 

All too soon the elevator slowed. He placed his free hand on the wall beside your head and pushed against it, straightening himself back up. Looking up at him, he seemed to recall his blank demeanour now that his hand was removed from the security camera. Feeling your heart drop, disappointed eyes stinging as you tried to hold back tears. You punched Seokjin in the chest, you were too exhausted and weren’t particularly trying to hurt him. “Stop playing with my emotions. Is this funny to you?”

Storming off you went to your ‘home’ and curled up in your blanket, your hand drifting to your lips as you could still feel him there. You could still taste him. The memories wouldn’t stop replaying and you hated how it felt so good. You were having a panic attack and as luck would have it, your asthma puffer was four floors above you.

[Part 1]  [Part 6]  [Part 8]  [Tag Yourself Here]

Tags:  @bubbletae7​ @lovemusicandotps​ @taetaeb @seveniefive​ @w0lfqu33n​ @anaiss97​ @moccahobi​ @maddymal​

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Can you do a , smug and mean character of your choice, Z?

Anon, did you want me to write about Sengoku Ryouma? Because this is exactly how you get Sengoku Ryouma. (Kureshima Takatora is in here too, not that he’s at all smug or mean.) Z is my choice, so

C is for colors--and, if you’d also like musical accompaniment, M is for music and “you should see me in a crown,” by Billie Eilish, is available on Spotify and YouTube.

The first time Ryouma agrees to share a meal with Takatora, he brings a sketchbook with him. He’s drawing when Takatora approaches the table, in fact, drink in one hand and pencil in the other, intent on his work until he realizes that he’s not alone. Then the sketchbook closes, but not before Takatora can catch a glimpse of what looks like a cross-section of a plant. “What are you drawing?”

A smile like lightning--Takatora finds himself briefly wondering when the thunder will hit, and what might be burned to ashes in its wake. “Vegetation from Helheim. I’m exercising my botanical illustration muscles. I don’t imagine you’d be much interested, though.”

“No, no, I’m actually very curious. Your scientific work intrigues me as it is; I didn’t know you were also the artistic type. May I take a look?”

Ryouma gives him a look which might be considering or might just be shy; Takatora doesn’t yet know well enough to be able to tell which. “If you’re really interested...” He slides the sketchbook across the table. “Look away.”

They end up losing half of lunch to Ryouma’s drawings, Takatora turning pages in rapt fascination as he examines the fractal layout of crystalline seeds within those ever-dangerous fruits, the labeled diagrams of alien plants, the beautifully watercolored illustration of a Helheim vine overtaking a maple tree. Ryouma is delighted to explain them, his soft voice making it more an intimate conversation than a lecture. One pen sketch is so shockingly realistic that Takatora nearly reaches for it, wanting to see if he might pick a fruit directly from the page, only to pull his hand back before he can risk smudging the ink. “I think these might be almost as dangerous as the real thing, Dr. Sengoku.”

“Oh, please.” The lightning smile comes back, and this time Takatora is certain he can hear the rumble of thunder in the distance. “I may not have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have all call me Ryouma.”

--

Ryouma’s insouciant smile and elaborate courtesy tend to strike others as at least mildly disrespectful, if not outright rude. Takatora, of course, knows that it’s just how he is, that he doesn’t mean anything by it. The sketching during R&D meetings is a little irritating, but after the first couple of times it comes up he finds that the scratching of the pencil is oddly soothing, enough that finally he gives into the temptation to ask again, “What are you drawing?”

One of the other researchers rolls her eyes when she hears this, but Ryouma just smiles. “Lockseeds, of course.”  He holds out his sketchbook for Takatora to take. “I think I’ve designed, hm, at least fifty at this point.”

The sketchbook is open to an exploded mechanical diagram, far more complicated than Takatora is prepared to try to make sense of. He tries anyway, nodding absently as the other researchers start to trickle out of the room, squinting at Ryouma’s tiny labels. “Fifty? Do we need to many?”

“Well, Takatora--” the last researcher heading out the door huffs irritably at Ryouma’s casual tone, “I don’t know about you, but I certainly can’t live on oranges alone. And they’ll do different things, of course, once I’ve perfected the driver designs. What’s your favorite fruit again?”

Takatora blinks. “Melon. I really only eat it at breakfast, but I do like it best.”

Lightning strikes. “Wonderful, I did remember correctly. Turn back a few pages--yes, there.”

“This is...a Melon Lockseed?”

“Yes, do you like it?”

The sketch is colored in with pencils, and it’s--beautiful, in the strange way that all of Ryouma’s creations are beautiful. “It’s lovely.” Takatora reads over the notes along one side. “I...’authorized by providence,’ Ryouma?” He raises his eyebrows. “What is?”

“You are.” Ryouma bows, one hand on his heart and a mocking smile on his face. “You’re the prince, aren’t you? I thought perhaps you deserved the reminder. And I am merely your humble advisor.”

“I don’t think there’s ever been anything humble about you, Ryouma.”

“Maybe not. I am very good at what I do, I don’t see any reason to lie about it.” A pause, and then Ryouma cocks his head to one side and the smile goes from mocking to teasing, sly and friendly. “I may have some melon at home, if you’d like to come over.”

“...for...breakfast?”

“Well, yes, eventually.”

Takatora feels his face go hot, and hopes he hasn’t turned too pink, and then furthermore hopes that no one else is lingering outside the conference room door as he says, “That sounds very nice.”

--

There are more armor designs than will probably ever get used, and Takatora says so. “Why so many?”

"I enjoy designing them. Although of course most people won't get to see more than the very basic one." Ryouma is settled comfortably against his shoulder, sketchbook balanced on one pulled-up knee. "I'm not going to share my best art with just anyone, you know."

"Oh, no?" Takatora cranes his neck to see the sketchbook over the top of Ryouma's head. "How are you going to manage that?"

"A series of if-then statements in the Sengoku Driver. They have to be able to scan the user's body and brain, you know, to do what they do; I don't see why I shouldn't have them test for particularly desirable personal qualities at the same time." Ryouma's pencil dances over the page. "For example, if it were to detect, say...hm." A sly glance upward at Takatora. "A noble soul, a cutting intellect, clarity of purpose, and oh, let’s say an offensively nice ass, it might produce...something like this."

He holds up the sketchbook, so that Takatora can finally get a proper look at it--a samurai, sleek and elegant but with a science-fiction edge. “This is...armor for me?”

“Roughly, this is a preliminary.”

“It’s beautiful.”

The smugness radiates from the line of Ryouma’s back against Takatora’s arm. “Thank you, I’m very pleased with it.” The sketchbook and pencil go on the bedside table, and then Ryouma turns around looking even more sly. “Of course, I’ll need to tailor the design to suit you better. I think I’ll need to make some figure studies, you’ll have to pose for me.”

Takatora raises an eyebrow. “Naked, I’m sure.”

“Oh, naturally, I’ll want to make a detailed study of your best qualities.”

“I think you said something about an offensively nice ass?”

“I am an artist, I want to display my subject to best effect.”

“So I’m your subject now.”

Lightning-flash smile, and Ryouma runs his fingers down the side of Takatora’s face, tips his chin up as if to study his profile. “No more and no less than I am yours. I ought to draw you with a crown on your head.”

--

When Takatora wakes from the coma--is woken from the coma, by the grace of a power he suspects he may never entirely understand--it still takes another two weeks before he’s discharged from the hospital and declared fit to go about whatever business he may have, and one of the first tasks that confronts him is the disposition of Ryouma’s notes. He can’t possibly ask Mitsuzane to take care of it, wouldn’t even want to mention the man’s name in his brother’s presence. Ryouma was, in the end, his fault and his responsibility. This is his cleaning up to do.

Mostly it’s straightforward. The laboratory equipment has already mostly been confiscated or destroyed; researchers and technicians have already scoured his computer files. It’s just the actual papers that are left to take care of, organized by some system that only Ryouma himself and perhaps Yoko ever understood, box after box of them. Takatora embarks on the project with four helpers--two from the Ministry of Internal Affairs, one from the Ministry of Health, and a man from the Ministry of Agriculture who seems to have an unwholesome interest in the actual growth capacity of Helheim plants.

“He didn’t go into the most technical details of his work with me,” Takatora says after the third question about what a particular notation might mean. “He was an...idiosyncratic man, to say the least.”

And then, near the back of the room, one of the Internal Affairs people says, “This box seems to be full of artwork.”

Takatora only freezes for a moment before saying, “Yes, Professor Sengoku was very passionate about the design aspects of his work. I’ll come over and take a look through them, there may be sketches of interest to more than one of you.”

Unlike most of the other papers and boxes, the sketchbooks are mostly clearly marked. Lockseeds, Vol. 1, says the label on one; Sengoku Driver Preliminary Sketches, says another. A third is, Armors, and Takatora recognizes its blue cover and thinks, suddenly, I never did ask him how he intended to have the Drivers identify desirable qualities in people, or why. That should have been a warning sign by itself.

Near the bottom of the box, though, is a sketchbook marked, Personal, and Takatora picks it up as quickly as he possibly can while still looking casual. He recognizes that cover too, and would rather not have people from the government seeing some of the drawings in it. “I’d like to keep this one, actually. I assure you, there’s nothing dangerous in it.”

The man from the Ministry of Agriculture says, frowning, “You’re familiar with the contents of this one?”

“I’m familiar with most of them, actually, the professor was very proud of his design work and shared it with me frequently.”

The sketchbook goes into Takatora’s briefcase, and he waits until he’s home and in his own bedroom to open it, because, yes--there, three pages in, is the first of several drawings of him. Most of them, as he flips through, are unremarkable, but a few are of an intimate character that he’s glad he wasn’t forced to share publicly. One in particular brings a blush to Takatora’s cheeks as he remembers the night it was drawn. On the facing page of the sketchbook there are a few lines scrawled in Arabic, a language that Ryouma read excellently and spoke passably, with a translation underneath:

He is a veiled one; but were he to pass in a darkness black as his forelock, his blazing face would suffice him light.

So if I stray for a night in his black locks, his brow’s bright morn will give guidance to my eyes.

Which does nothing but make Takatora’s blush much worse.

Of course, there aren’t only nude drawings of him, which is something of a relief. There’s a self-portrait on one page, a few sketches of Yoko on another, drawings of the various Beat Riders in a set near the back. It almost brings a smile to Takatora’s face, seeing how Ryouma managed to capture Yoko’s solemn resting expression and the angry twist of Kumon Kaito’s mouth. Sketches of animals, of plants, a cartoon of Oren that actually makes Takatora laugh.

Near the middle of the sketchbook, not far past the most memorable “figure study” and its snatch of poetry, is a drawing of the Yggdrasil logo. Or at least, Takatora takes it for that at first, but when he reaches the end of the sketchbook he realizes that something about it bothers him and has to flip back and look more closely. It is the Yggdrasil Corporation tree, but with grasping roots growing down beneath it, crushing something that Takatora realizes after a moment is the Earth.

Beneath it, in Ryouma’s neat, precise handwriting, is a note:

Unfortunately it has become clear that Takatora’s desires and mine are no longer in alignment.

Takatora shudders and closes the sketchbook, and when he finally manages to fall asleep, much later, he dreams of being struck by lightning.

[taerseok]

↬ pairing:. badboy!Jungkook × childhoodfriend!Reader

↬ synopsis:. ❝ Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don’t forget me, I beg. I remember you said; ‘sometimes it lasts in love. But sometimes it hurts instead.’ ❞

Or, alternatively:

↬ synopsis:. ❝ you and a handsome prince from a neighbouring kingdom team up to spin the worst fairytale the lands have ever laid their eyes upon. ❞

↬ word count:. 15.5k

↬ genre(s):. modern royalty!au, fake dating/fake marriage!au, childhood friends!au, angst, fluff, attempted humour

↬ rating:. pg-15

↬ warning(s):. cheating, suicide, language, alcohol, comatose, mental illness, disturbing scenes, rebounds, e.t.c.

↬ playlist:. play here!

▪ note:. this is a part of the royalty!au collab with my good friend, Addison @aesthetical-witch and I was very inspired by Tae’s cover of someone like you to make this!

CREDITS:

• Thank you soo much to Maggie @kimtaehyunq (requested from the BHQ Request Board) for the wonderful header!

• Thank you to my good friends Ruby @rubinora and Addi @aesthetical-witch for helping me edit and providing me with feedback!

Putting your phone next to you, you sigh and turn to lay on your stomach, your cheek against the soft mattress below you. You had just seen an exhausting text message from someone you did not want to meet right now. You’d be lying if you said Jungkook didn’t still get on your nerves for something stupid he did the last time you had a ‘get-together’. The boy, who you were friends with since you both came from a royal background and your kingdoms were basically next to each other, had drunk your last carton of banana milk. 

Naturally, you both had taken a liking to the same drink, and as of currently, most of your ‘wars’ were a result of taking each other’s things and of course, drinking each other’s banana milk. Yes, it is quite idiotic to lose your shit over someone else drinking your milk, but you had every right to be mad at him and more. 

 In the text that he had sent you just a few minutes ago, he asked if you could meet him in your castle’s garden in a few minutes. You were feeling lazy as always, sitting in your bed, doing nothing, but you could not help but snicker that the guy had the audacity to ask you that when he took your banana milk. In fact, you believe he should be treating you, not asking you for any more favours than he already has. What would poor Jungkook do without you, you shake your head.  

Getting up, you take off towards the gardens of your castle. Oh, and it wasn’t much of a castle in your opinion. It did lack some of the things a normal castle would have, like large towers. But you did consider it a mansion. Most called it a castle though, mostly because royal matters were handled here. Or so you thought, anyway, you shrug. You didn’t waste your time and as soon as you got out of your room, you rush down the halls, down the stairs, and through the large doors. 

“Now where is he?” you frown. The garden was larger than one could imagine. In front of the gate to the inside of the ‘castle,’ your mother had decided to have a fountain built, and to the right and left, green, lush grass spread over quite a large chunk of land. You opted to go for the more secretive places. The boy must have driven off without his parents’ knowledge and decided to come here, and as far as you knew, if anyone would have seen him, you would have been informed. 

You looked around, running in the gardens and squinting your eyes at every shadow you saw, then sighing because none of them belonged to Jungkook — they were mostly trees, occasionally some maid working here or there. But you did find the male soon enough. He was hiding at a corner of the garden where bushes surrounded almost every point. If you didn’t know Jungkook good enough, you would have guessed he was smart. 

You run up to him, making sure no one saw you since that would likely be bad news. Whatever it had to be, Jungkook didn’t call you here for something good because it wouldn’t have to be this secretive. “Right,” you catch your breath, panting. “You better tell me something worth it because I feel like I just ran a marathon.” Running around your garden wasn’t easy, in your opinion. It took great will, certainly. “So I was right when I said that you’re just a pillow princess.“ 

You glare at Jungkook, brows furrowed. You had a bad history with him, you won’t lie. Yeah, he appeared to be quite handsome and even charming. Many girls would swoon over his gorgeous hair, his pretty face and his adorable dimples, and you wouldn’t even be surprised if he was ripped as hell. Being royalty and crown prince was just an added bonus, to be honest. But he was a brat with one big ego, and you knew that fact like the back of your hand. 

The way he teased you made blood simmer in your veins. It made you go crazy. You felt beyond helpless when that happened. And you reminded yourself over and over again not to compliment him or his ego would only inflate more. And you considered that wasn’t healthy for him, even though he really did look good. 

“Shut up and tell me what you want.” Maybe it was the fact that he spoke something really true and maybe you were a pillow princess so you wouldn’t even deny it, but it still offended you nonetheless. The nickname had been given to you when he had came over once and your mother had mentioned how you never leave your bed. Your mother really knew how to throw you under the bus, didn’t she? He chuckles, then begins to speak. “I have a request for you,” he says. You stop him right there, raising your hand in the air, gesturing him to kindly shut up. You were so done. “For fuck’s sake, Jeon Jungkook. I am not about to go through hell again just for you. Don’t you think you should act a little more independent, maybe? Maybe treat me to dinner first? I am not a 24/7 helper,” you frown, crossing your arms. 

“Who taught you to curse?” oh. You might have gotten a little too angry. But who could’ve blamed you? Jungkook wasn’t your responsibility. You didn’t have to help him and you wouldn’t this time. You just had to make it clear and may have gone a little too far. You had tried to stop yourself from cursing in front of him so you’d keep your status, but of course, that didn’t mean that you didn’t actually curse. 

“I am an independent adult. I can curse. Meanwhile…” you sigh, “you aren’t. You constantly need help from me. You’re crown prince, Jungkook! You’re supposed to be a little more mature than this.” He didn’t take any time to retort back. “Look who’s speaking. You’re not mature at all,” he says, and though his voice reflected anger, his expression remained calm. 

“We’re not talking of me here! You’re the one who came here with a request!” you exclaim, turning your back to Jungkook. You had enough of helping Jungkook over and over, you were so tired of picking the pieces of his life back up and putting it together. He had to understand that you had a life too. You had your own problems to take care of. Any time he messed up, he’d have to come to you for help. 

Like that one time, when he and some of his friends got drunk and you had to help them clean up even though none of it was your fault. And that one time when he had driven a little too fast when you were over at his ‘castle’ and then he crashed into that one shop in town. And to top off the humiliation, since he was too much of a pretty boy to own up to his mistake, you had to hold a conference to explain the situation to the media and paparazzi. Of all the people, you. 

It was getting ridiculous at this point and your head wouldn’t wrap around it. You knew he was irresponsible and maybe even careless, but still! He was going to become the next king and the kingdom depended on him. The future of his subjects depended on him. How could he risk being so careless? 

“I’m leaving if you have nothing better to say,” you sigh and take a step to leave, but he catches your wrist, pulling you back. You groan. “Jungkook, I’m a person with my own problems. I can’t always be helping you,” you turn around to look in his eyes. You could see stars in them if you gazed deeper. 

“I get it. But I trust you enough to let you know that mother is planning an arranged marriage for me,” your brows furrow at his statement. “What… do you—?”

“But I’m dating someone already.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. You take a moment to let yourself digest the new information. He was dating someone? 

Okay, you two were close but never tried to get into each other’s love lives, and in addition, the man in front of you didn’t look innocent whatsoever, so he must’ve at least dated someone. But for him to tell you like this, it hurt a little.

It reminds you of how you were growing up and leaving your childhoods behind. You two had known each other for quite a long time and gotten so comfortable with one another. But to think that someday, you’ll be standing beside a man and him beside some woman of his liking, and the fact that, that one day was coming very soon — it hurt. It hurt to lose your friend over some stupid thing like marriage. 

“But she’s a commoner. You know mother is strict about that stuff and…” he bit his pink lip, “I need you to buy me some time.” You raise a brow, and his hand finds yours. He looks at you, his eyes searching for confirmation. “You need me to buy you time? How?” you frown, your feelings conflicted. You wanted to help, this was some dire situation and if he got married to someone he didn’t love, then… it wasn’t worth it. 

At the same time, this proved to be very hard. His mother, though a fun one similar to yours, was stern when it came to relationships. Her trust was especially hard to earn. But she did grow affectionate towards you since you had been with Jungkook since you were little. 

“I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend and slow things down a bit.“ 

You look at the man in disbelief, motionless. Did you hear correct? Yes, maybe your mother teased you about being married to Jungkook for some while now, and maybe it did sound reasonable, but why of all people, did he want you? Multiple girls were dying to be his girlfriend already, should he not give them a chance? 

“But why me?” you finally ask, looking at him with mixed feelings. “You’re the only princess my family knows and trusts. It wouldn’t be weird if I was dating you at all.” You roll your eyes at the last statement. “Jungkook, it would be weird if I was dating you,” you correct him. “Well, to you, yeah, but I don’t consider it impossible,” he grins. You pull your hand away from his, punching his arm. 

“You’re dating someone already, you idiot!” you exclaim, frowning. He chuckles. “I’m not cheating on her. I already told her, and she’s not on the best terms with it, but she agrees,” he says. “So you can date me.” You huff at his arrogance, crossing your arms. “You know this is trouble, right?” you furrow your brows. “Yeah, and I’m up for it. So are you up for it?” you roll your eyes at his reply. 

 "I think you just want a chance at fucking me if I’m to be completely honest with you.“ 

“I like your honest side.“ 

“You’re in a relationship!“ 

“With you, yeah.“ 

“Oh my God…” you sigh. You wondered who would date such an idiot. Then again, he is really handsome. Maybe you should be grateful for the opportunity. 

——— 

You didn’t know when you agreed for it, but you just did and now you are dating Jeon Jungkook. You decided to tell your family about it that night at dinner, after discussing the details with Jungkook. Hyun-ae, who is his girlfriend as of currently, was a commoner he had met at an expensive club he had gone to.

She had garnered his interest and the two began dating in secret. They have been now dating for two years, though in private. Neither of them have shown any sign of getting the relationship to a different level, and they both need some time to relax and think of ways to finally bring the truth into the light without any prejudice taking place. 

That is where you come in. You will pretend to be Jungkook’s girlfriend so his mother can stop finding suitors and give him some air to breathe, simultaneously giving him time to think of a plan. You will need to slow down the process as much as you can, making excuses to make sure that the wedding day does not approach. Because in the end, it’s not you who is going to get married to Jungkook. It’s Hyun-ae.

Or that’s what he told you about the plan. 

It was wrong on many levels, and if you weren’t as dear to your families as you were, you both would receive great punishment for it — maybe even death. But it wasn’t going to go that far. It would be done in a few months at most. Or that’s what you told yourself, anyway. 

Taking a seat at the dinner table, you smiled at your mother and father, and then looked towards your cheeky older brother, Seokjin. You liked to call him Jin for short. He is likely going to go ecstatic over the fact that you were dating someone and you didn’t tell him, and going to go absolutely feral when he hears that it is actually Jungkook who you are “dating”. He was quite the overprotective brother. You turn to your father, taking a deep breath, you begin to speak. 

“I wanted to… talk about something important to me,” you try sounding like you are authentic, and you seem to be failing badly, but you keep on going, mustering up all the strength. You forget even eating your food for a while, instead, turning to look at your three family members one by one. 

 "I am dating someone… with whom I want to take my relationship to the next level.“ You were inexperienced and stupid for doing all of this. Multiple times you thought of backing out, but this was for Jungkook. You felt bad seeing how far you were going for him but he never even returned it. Or sometimes he did. But this was a big favor you were being asked. Your mother and father look at you with wide eyes, though Jin continues to eat, making sure to look up at you once in a while — making sure you know he’s listening too. 

“I’m very sorry I didn’t mention him before,” you look at all of them one by one, “but I am in a serious relationship,” it hurt to lie to everyone like this. What fool would fall for your dramatic acting? Who knew… but you certainly had all of their attention now. 

“Who is it…?” your mother asks very quietly, at least they weren’t objecting to it. You sigh heavily. 

“Jungkook.“ 

Their expressions were something you couldn’t analyse. They were thoroughly surprised, yes, and at the same time, another emotion you couldn’t quite grasp — approval? You couldn’t put your finger on it, but maybe that was it. Jin stops eating to look at you instead. 

”Jeon Jungkook? That one Jungkook you’re friends with?” you feel bad for playing like this, but what was done was done and you were doing this for Jungkook. “Which other Jungkook would I know?” you don’t know how exactly to react so you smile lightly at Jin, then look back towards your parents, who are still staring at you. “So… Jungkook recently told me that his mother is picking a girl for him…” you bite your bottom lip, “but she doesn’t know about us and—” you begin to speak, but your mother cuts you off. 

“I’ll talk with her.” And what you don’t expect is the smile that’s on her face. Did you really just fool them like that? They believed you so easily. Was it this easy to lie? It left you with chills. 

“In fact, you and your mother can leave for their kingdom in the morning. Make sure to tell Jungkook about it,” your father spoke up. Everything seemed to be going to plan. Jungkook did say he wanted you to visit the castle and that he’d tell his parents all of this too. So you supposed your job was done. But to think that you were fake-marrying your childhood friend, it all felt so wrong. 

“I will…” you respond quietly and continue to eat dinner as nothing had transpired. You felt so bad for doing all of this. Seeing the smiles on your parents’ faces, the laughter of Jin — they didn’t think it was weird at all for you to marry Jungkook. So he was right. Maybe people could see you and Jungkook together. Childhood sweethearts, mayhaps? You still didn’t know how. 

As soon as you finish dinner, you turn to leave to your room and tell Jungkook about everything. 

[Y/N]: I told everyone. We’re coming tomorrow. 

Your kingdoms were right next to each other. It was very easy to reach to his by car. Yes, it would take some hours but you considered travel fun. And you’d probably fall asleep in the car anyway. You thought about packing your things and decided to do that while you waited for Jungkook’s message. 

 You were done pretty quickly, you didn’t need to pack much. Some clothes here and there, and some other things you thought you’d need. You didn’t know how long you were staying there for, but if anything was needed, you know they could provide it for you at his place. You sank down on the bed and picked up your phone, which lit up while you were closing your bag. He was calling you. 

“What is it now?” you ask, a little annoyed as you put the phone to your ears. “Are you mad because you have to actually work now, pillow princess?” you could practically hear him grinning. It wasn’t very nice. “Be grateful. I’m helping you. No one could do this,” you roll your eyes. He chuckles lightly, changing the topic. “How did your parents believe it though? You’re such a bad actor,” he queried. “Well, I’m not as bad as you think. Somehow. I did make them believe it.“ 

“Jungkook, you know this is trouble. What if they find out…? What if we get into trouble?” you frown, but he doesn’t seem to think of it in that way. You aren’t surprised. “It’s fine! Lighten up, pillow princess.” You huff, feeling anxious about the situation. Your mother and father — even Jin. They would all be so disappointed in you. You helped Jungkook marry a commoner. 

“That’s because you get something good from this if it works out! You get to be with the love of your life while I get scarred forever,” you say hotly before your voice turns meek. You won’t be able to sleep tonight, thinking of all of this and freaking out over it. And Jungkook knows that fact too, knowing you well enough to pick up on it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think of that.” Of course, he didn’t. 

“Because you’re a self-obsessed bloke,” you reply dryly. He snickers a little, making you smile ever so lightly. “I guess I am. We’re in this together, Y/N. I never want you to be alone.” It was moments like these when you questioned why Jungkook made your heart skip a beat. Or why he even said things like these. Maybe he knew his words mattered a little more to you than you let on. Or perhaps he simply wanted to pull at your heart. 

“Yeah, right,” you say quietly, “tell that to me when you get married to Hyun-ae and I still don’t get a boyfriend,” you smile despite your words, wanting to relive these moments when you grew older. 

Time just passed so quickly. You never noticed when you became a teen, and then an adult, and now you’re supposed to get married soon — well, not really. You’re just faking it. But still, the actual day isn’t that far either. You’ll find someone soon enough. Or so you hoped. 

“Anyway… I better get my beauty sleep now,” you hear him laugh into the phone. “What’s so funny with that?” you frown. “It’s nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Good night.” You smile. 

“Okay… Goodnight.“ 

“Yeah, goodnight.“ 

“Mhm, goodnight.“ 

“Goodnight.“ 

"God, just hang up already!” you exclaim, making him shout even louder. “You hang up!” that one hurt your ears badly. You groan. “Fine!” giving up, you end the call. Jungkook was the most annoying human being you had come across, but that didn’t mean you didn’t care for your friendship. 

He was just a tease and a knuckle-head sometimes. Though you appreciated him for exactly that — being stupid. After getting ready for bed, you try to calm down your nerves and prepare yourself mentally for pretending to be Jungkook’s girlfriend. The words tasted bitter on your tongue. 

It didn’t feel right to pretend like this, but you couldn’t do much than just following Jungkook and praying that everything will go well to a God you didn’t believe in. 

Closing your eyes, you began wishing for a better tomorrow.

———

You didn’t even notice how you got into the car next day to drive away to Jungkook’s, but you simply guessed you did, and the next thing you knew was that you were approaching the borders of the ruled land. It was beautiful, just as thriving and prosperous as the last time you had seen it. 

From the window of the limousine, you could see the merchants and traders, the millions of shops that lined the roads. Even the townspeople were friendly, you had known since they were always very sincere and understanding of Jungkook’s mistakes. 

The residential area was your favourite. You loved seeing their green gardens even though they were very small in comparison to the one you knew. The colourful roofs of the houses always brought a smile on your face. The rule was well-established under Jungkook’s parents, and you just hoped he could continue it. You had high hopes for him. 

The car steadily made its way to the castle, prior to stopping a little way before it. You got out of the car alongside your mother, slightly nervous. You had almost forgotten what you were here for. Some guards made sure of your identities before they escorted you to the door and took your luggage inside, while Jungkook, his younger brother, Junghyun and his parents were standing in the foyer. 

Your father hadn’t come, for he had some important businesses to take care of. You didn’t think ruling was easy, so he was justified. Jin stayed behind too, accompanying your father like the crown prince he is and learning the art of kingship. 

Meanwhile, you were agreeing to be fake-married to your childhood friend. You sigh, then help yourself to a plastered smile as you approach the family. You and your mother curtsy and you let your mother do the talking. You weren’t here to embarrass yourself, that’s for sure. You look towards Junghyun and Jungkook, who are both looking towards you. You give them a light smile, but your eyes just seem to be moving back to Jungkook. You do hope what you’re doing is right. 

“Ah, Y/N, why don’t you and the boys talk for a bit while we do too?” Jungkook’s mother addresses, making you nod furiously. You are guided inside by the two brothers while your mother and their parents walk towards the living room. It dawns over you that you’re supposed to act like a couple since Junghyun is here and even he doesn’t know of the truth, so your hand just finds Jungkook’s. 

Holding your hand, Jungkook leads you towards his bedroom gently. Junghyun follows alongside you, apparently just as fooled as his parents, talking of all the memories you three had made. He wasn’t wrong; certainly, you had spent your childhood with Jungkook and Junghyun. Junghyun wasn’t much younger than Jungkook, but a difference of some years still remained, though most went unnoticed, seeing as Jungkook was just so unexplainably youthful. 

“Or that one time when Jungkook stole your chocolate and you started crying?” Junghyun chuckles, but you need not be reminded of the moments you had cried. All for some chocolate and all because of a bratty Jeon Jungkook. You roll your eyes. 

“Please~! I don’t want to remember that. I cried for this jerk—” you catch yourself just in time before you say something else. Junghyun looks at you, a bit startled. But before you say something to justify yourself, he simply laughs again. 

“It’s good to see that you haven’t lost your fun relationship with him. You’ve just made it stronger.” You nod wearily at his words, smiling while your heart wrenches at seeing the world be fooled. “Tell me, how did you fall in love with my dimwit of a brother? He really is lucky to have you—" 

"That’s enough, isn’t it, Junghyun?” for the first time in a while, Jungkook spoke up in the conversation. “But I do want to know!” Junghyun frowns. 

You laugh at his adorable expression. When you were near a cute Junghyun, you doubted anyone could ever reject his request. You begin to speak, even though you held no particular feelings towards Jungkook himself in that way. “I’ll tell you,” you smile, “your brother,” you hold onto his hand a little tighter while you think. 

“Your brother is a softie. Even though he looks like the type of person to fight you if you wake him up when he doesn’t want to be.” Junghyun chuckles lightly at your words. “Is he? He’s never that way towards me,” you felt how Jungkook’s fingers intertwined with yours. Was it a signal to stop, or maybe keep going? Or did you really say something true? You didn’t pick up on that one. 

“He is,” you reply with a quick smile, before Jungkook stops in his tracks, making you stop too. “We’re here,” the male speaks and then turns around to Junghyun. “Your job is done. Thank you for accompanying Y/N. I’ll be taking her now,” the grin on Jungkook’s face did tug at your heart, you weren’t going to lie. Junghyun did protest like a little child, but he left soon enough. 

 By that time, you were sitting on Jungkook’s bed, waiting for Jungkook to close the door so you could talk to him about the whole situation. 

“You okay?” he asks, coming to sit down next to you after closing the door. “I’m fine. Just…” maybe it was for the fact that you were pretending to be Jungkook’s girlfriend. Maybe that’s why you flinched whenever he came close to you, maybe that’s why you felt so different being in his room, despite being here countless times before. 

“I’m just tired. There’s no good ending to this, Jungkook… I’m tired,” you look towards him, suddenly tears flood your eyes. You don’t know why you are suddenly on the verge of crying. Maybe it’s because you were pretending? 

“I see those happy expressions on my parents’ faces… they don’t fake it, Jungkook,” his expression softens at your words. A little part of you knew that your tears were Jungkook’s weakness. Whenever you didn’t feel good, he’d get incredibly worried. You didn’t cry as much in front of him anymore, but you hoped that he didn’t change. That he still cared for you, even if a little bit. That’s what you hated about growing up, you would have other people in your heart, and Jungkook would have others. You wouldn’t care as much for each other anymore. And that fact scared you. 

Seeing you act so small, Jungkook couldn’t believe his eyes. He puts your head against his chest, hugging you side-ways. He didn’t know you were so pressured by his request. It wasn’t something small and he wouldn’t trust anyone but you with it. He did care a lot for you. And he wanted you to know that, even if he acted like an imprudent, idiotic friend sometimes. He had asked a little too much of you and he was coming to understand that. But the damage had been done. 

How could he reverse the action? There was no way. You were stuck with him till he revealed the truth, and the mere thought of you crying hurt him. It was painful to see you cry, even for an over-confident, cold person like Jungkook. He had made you cry, just because he was too scared to tell his family the truth, and he was scared he might not be accepted for dating someone that wasn’t of a noble or royal family. 

 He would try to tell the truth very soon, he promised to you mentally. He would do anything, to tell the truth when the right time comes. He just hoped you were willing to wait for that long. 

“Shh,” he hushes, running his hand through your hair in gentle strokes. You smiled a little. At least you had someone. It was better than being alone. “I know that. I know and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for asking you something like this. Hyun-ae and I just weren’t ready. And what I did makes me look like a complete idiot, so I’m very sorry for being so inconsiderate towards you. I really… appreciate that you’re going this far for me." 

Your efforts, at least, were recognised. That is what made it all the better. The door was being knocked on. 

While you made sure your make-up was intact, Jungkook opens the door. It’s Junghyun’s voice from what you can hear. "Fine,” Jungkook says, closing the door and turning to you. You raise a brow, wondering what’s the problem now. “Mother wants us to talk to the media and announce our marriage. They agree with it." 

The way he spoke the words made your cheeks taint with pink. You weren’t expecting it to be so soon, but your families knew each other very well, so it was no surprise. You were really going to fool the world now. It was happening, and the nerves instantly came back from last night. 

Taking a deep breath as you fixed the last of your make-up and took a final look in the mirror after your breakdown, you turn towards Jungkook. 

"Okay. Let’s go.” 

By the time you were standing in front of the crowd of reporters and paparazzi, your nerves had taken complete control of you. 

Jungkook’s and your mother explained the situation to the media while you stood a little to the side, your hand in Jungkook’s. He said it would emphasise the relationship, but you weren’t very sure of that. You just wished he knew the risks. 

“When are you planning to hold the wedding?” one reporter asks, his voice ringed out the loudest. Sometimes, when they thought you weren’t looking, the paparazzi would take a picture of your intertwined hand with Jungkook. Everyone’s eyes turn expectantly at his mother at the question. 

“I’m scared,” you whisper to Jungkook, hoping he hears.

It wasn’t like voicing out your emotions rid you of the situation, but it did make you feel better when Jungkook squeezed your hand. “It’s okay… calm down.” Jungkook’s mother thought quietly for a moment. 

“The wedding date hasn’t been decided as of yet, but it will take place as soon as possible — it depends on the preparations. But I’d say very soon.” You didn’t know what very soon meant, but you doubt it was good for the plan. 

“Could we have a picture of the couple?”

Your cheeks turn pink at the word, flustering you. Maybe you’d never get used to this till it ends. 

You did find the idea of having a partner nice, but Jungkook as that partner? You had never thought about him that way. But then again, you guess it wasn’t that impossible to think of your relationship accelerating. The way he genuinely laughs, the smile on his dimpled face, the fact that he does care for you — it all ignited this small fire inside you. Maybe being his partner wasn’t that far off. 

Jungkook’s mother nodded to the question, and all the cameras had turned towards you and Jungkook before you knew it. “Are we going to pose or—?” you ask hastily, making him look to you with a light smile. For the first time, you hope that the smile meant something more than just a mask. 

Putting his arm around your waist, his lips catch yours unexpectedly. For the sake of the plan, you close your eyes and try not to act surprised, but you didn’t deny the fact that your heart was racing. His soft lips, and the way he smiles ever so sweetly while kissing you, it all starts to become so precious to you. You were wrong when you thought about who’d want to be his girlfriend — who wouldn’t want to be his girlfriend? 

The kiss, gentle and at the same time, passionate, lasted longer than you had expected it to. Probably because there were a lot of cameras and he wanted to make sure they all got a picture. You didn’t mind it at all though. Dare you say it, you loved it. It was like a little taste of something you had never tasted before. It left you wanting more, even if it was only a little bit you’d receive. But you were going to hold a grudge against him and yourself for this one. He had a girlfriend, already, for God’s sake. 

“Do tell us what it is you love about princess Y/N?" 

The question must have caught both of you out of the blue, because you turn to each other at the same time. Everyone turns to you two, and in the heat of the moment, Jungkook decides to speak up. "I love Y/N. We’ve had so many memories together. Spent our whole lives next to each other, basically,” you had been freaking out on the inside till he had started speaking. Thankfully, no one seemed to get that from the plastered smile on your face. 

“I love us. I love how she is so caring and helpful. She might be a bit annoying at times,” you elbow him, “but I love that side of her too. She’s the most precious to me.” You couldn’t help but take the words to heart. Now you desperately wanted to hear “I love Y/N” from his lips over and over again — but that would never happen. You were just getting your hopes up, and Jungkook was practically begging you to do that. 

“What do you think about the crown prince?" 

You start to fluster, trying to think of words. Why did they have to know all of this? You were going to make sure that on your real wedding announcement, these questions would be banned — why did it hurt when you labelled this relationship as fake? You were only taking this logically. The heart was naive. 

 "I think that Jungkook is great.” You try to come up with more, turning quiet. Jungkook’s hand finds yours again, intertwining once more. But why did it matter so much now? “He’s funny and energetic. He helps me loosen up. I…” you bite your lower lip, not able to say what you thought of. If you said “I love him,” would it stand out to him like it stood out to you? 

“He’s the… most amazing person and I couldn’t ask for anyone better." 

———

You slump down on the bed on your stomach as you reach Jungkook’s room after the horrible announcement, him following behind you. "You’re that tired, pillow princess?” you hear him say, and even if you can’t look at his face, you’re so sure he has that grin on his face like always. 

You groan, turning to lay on your back. “I’m not tired. Do you know how horrible it went?" 

"It went perfectly. Everyone thinks we’re dating. Now what you need to do,” he says as he leans down on the bed alongside you, “is to keep it going. Mother is really keen on having me take over the throne this year. Which, I suppose you know the rules, but you have to have a queen for that. Hence the rushed wedding. She says the engagement isn’t very important." 

"But it is—” you cut in, though Jungkook doesn’t acknowledge the sudden interruption. “I agree with her. Do you want us to be legally bound before the wedding? Did you forget the actual plan?” you sigh. He was right. In the end, it wasn’t you who was going to get married to him. It was Hyun-ae. 

“Right. You’re right. Why did you need this time anyway?” you ask, turning to Jungkook. You had totally forgotten about the kiss, but now remembering it, you couldn’t just pretend that it didn’t happen. 

You were going to ask him about that too. “Hyun-ae needs to talk with her family about everything. I have to, too. I don’t know how to approach them right now… you know?” he answers calmly. “I almost feel like I’m being used." 

Jungkook looks at you, then sighs. He pulls himself up to look over you. You feel a little exposed, but if this plan were to go smoothly, you had to be a good sport about it and help Jungkook. Even though he didn’t do anything back for you. If not for Jungkook himself, then for the bond you shared. It had to go this way. 

"I’m sorry again.” The simple apology made you feel a little sad. “Not that I mind being used,” you laugh, sitting up. You realise how weird it sounds and shrug a little. “I mean… it’s good to be of use, right…? Help your friends?” you smile lightly at him, making him shake his head. “You’re too nice for your own good,” he says quietly, making you giggle. “That’s the first time I’ve heard it from you. Glad to know my efforts actually matter!" 

"Your efforts do matter. Yes, maybe sometimes, I’m ignorant of the fact that you’ve saved my ass countless times, but I appreciate you. Please know that,” he smiles a little your way, making you smile back. Your thoughts wander back to the kiss, which still makes your heart race. Maybe it’s because you have never kissed Jungkook. Whatever the reason, your mind couldn’t wrap itself around the way his lips felt on yours.

A little part of you wanted to experience that feeling again, but that was wrong and you weren’t asking a taken man to kiss you. That was stupid, not to mention, awkward. 

“So the kiss… Jungkook,” you can see how he tenses up at you bringing up the topic. It worries you. “You have a girlfriend." 

"I know.” 

“But you still kissed me." 

"I know.” 

“Why?” you ask bleakly, looking at him and hoping to receive the same back, but he doesn’t turn towards you. The air just gets a little chilly. It makes you nervous. “I had to make them believe us. Hyun-ae will understand. I know you hated it. I’m very sorry for that too,” you shake your head at his words. Choosing to ignore that he said you hated the kiss, you sigh. 

“It’s fine. But you should check up with Hyun-ae. She’d feel very bad if you didn’t approach her about this." 

You’d feel bad if you saw in the news that your boyfriend had kissed someone else and they were going to get married soon — even though it was fake and you knew. You’d still want your boyfriend to tell you about it, reassure the fact he still loved you. Hyun-ae was the victim in this situation, not you — having seen her boyfriend kissing someone she didn’t know all over the place, hearing it from everyone in town, yet still being able to do nothing about it, because she was not in the position to. You felt bad for her. 

"You’re right… I’ll call her,” Jungkook gets up, taking his phone and leaving the room. 

It felt a little empty without him, especially as it was his room. You had been here multiple times, but maybe it was his presence you wanted most. You shake your head. If you pretend to fall for Jungkook, maybe it will happen. And you didn’t want to fall for someone you couldn’t have. 

Someone, who is so dear to you. It would just put both of you in trouble. And you wanted him to be married to someone he loved — that someone wasn’t you and you had to accept it. 

——— 

Before you knew it, it was dinner time. 

Jungkook had talked with Hyun-ae, and initially, she had been a little angry, but thankful that Jungkook had talked it out with her, so things were settled soon enough. Or that’s what you were told, anyway. 

 You sat down at the royal table to eat. It was a little larger than yours back at home, but nonetheless, the food looked delicious and you couldn’t wait to dig in. Midway through the dinner, Jungkook’s father spoke up. 

“I believe that it would be good if you two spent more time looking around the kingdom together. Jungkook could show you the famous sites,” his father turns to you, and you give him a slight nod with a smile. Wonderful — more time to spend with the annoying Jeon Jungkook. You turn towards the said boy, who seems to be eating his dinner quietly. Very unlike himself. 

“That works… and about the rooms,” you say, starting to play with your food out of nervousness. “Where will I sleep?” you ask quietly, though everyone seems to hear it loud and clear. Jungkook turns to you instantly, and you could see the worry in his eyes. Worry for what, you did not know. “Room? Won’t you sleep in Jungkook’s room?” his mother speaks, making you bite your tongue. You shouldn’t have said that. But you didn’t want to share the room with Jungkook. That would be awkward. 

“I was thinking of that, I just—” you bite your bottom lip, then shake your head. There was no explaining it. If you didn’t shut up now then everyone would catch on. “It’s fine, I’ll share the room with Jungkook,” and you supposed the bed, but you hoped it wouldn’t be the case. “Anywho, when are we going to visit the sites?” you change the topic abruptly, mustering a smile. 

You did not dare to look at Jungkook. 

After dinner, you opted to spend time in Jungkook’s room. Clearing your head, you stood at the balcony near the railing. Jungkook’s father had decided that you’d be going to visit the famous sites tomorrow. It was certainly going to be interesting, seeing as Jungkook showed no liking to things like that. He’d probably take you to a fun ride instead. Or so you hoped, because you had no interest in seeing famous sites and learning their names either. 

 Sometimes you and Jungkook were two peas in a pod, and sometimes he felt like your polar opposite. 

Everything was so hard to digest. Why were you agreeing to his plans, you didn’t even know the full tale. In the end, you knew it would give nothing but pain. So why did you agree? 

You thought it was because you were trying to be a good friend. You had known Jungkook for so long. You appreciated whatever you had with him, and you supposed that was why. You wanted him to marry his love. And at the same time, losing him to Hyun-ae felt like hell. 

Ultimately, that was his happiness. So you wanted him to marry the love of his life. The thought brought a smile to your face. But still, your heart wrenched. It was melancholic — you loved the thought of it, but you couldn’t see him getting married. Because that meant you were growing up. You wouldn’t be around each other anymore. Responsibilities would be burdening you. And in the end, the ties would be cut. 

Well, not cut. They’d fade away. Time took everything from you. From everyone. But especially from you. You didn’t want to lose your friend to something as idiotic as marriage. You were surprised initially that he was even settling down — Jeon Jungkook was settling down for someone. Out of all the things you expected, that wasn’t one of them. He must really love her. 

You wished you could experience that kind of feeling. Unconditional, pure love for someone. Wanting to be with them so bad. But whenever you thought about that, you’d just feel lost. There was no one you felt something like that for. 

 "What are you thinking of?“ Jungkook’s voice rings in your ear, making your thoughts disappear. "Just the… whole thing. About you marrying Hyun-ae,” you wonder if it came out wrong. If Jungkook would be mad at you for putting it that way. If he was offended. But he wasn’t. Instead, he approached you quietly, now standing alongside you. 

“What do you mean?” you sigh at his question. “I meant… This is stupid,” you groan, unable to put your thoughts into words. “What I mean is… I don’t want to lose my friend. I am scared that… when you’ll get married… you’ll leave me. And seeing how things are going, I don’t think our kingdoms will be friends for much longer. We’re fooling everyone, Jungkook. They believe our lies,” you turn to him. It wasn’t a frown that you had on your face, it was fear for the future. 

It was like a river was rushing through your head and heart. A bunch of emotions colliding with each other, washing away your comfort and peace. You were beyond scared. You had always imagined spending the rest of your life with Jungkook — but that was always as friends. Now, you weren’t sure what you were anymore. 

“Imagine the chaos and betrayal. Everyone will lose their trust in us. They will make fun of you. Fun of me. Fun of our families. And you’re doing this just because… what? You want a common girl?” the sentence came out harsher than you wanted it to be. Jungkook turns his head to you. You could feel poison seeping out of his eyes for a moment. It hurt you more than it should’ve. 

“Don’t speak of Hyun-ae like that.” You sigh, nodding sarcastically. “Right. And you tell me who should I speak of like that? You or Hyun-ae? You’re both behind this! You’re ruining everything. You’re ruining your life, you’re ruining your future rule, and you’re ruining my life too!” you exclaim. “Keep it down or they’ll hear us,” Jungkook mutters. 

“I’m a victim in this situation!” you speak even louder. “I’m scared for my life! I deserve to speak as much as I want. However loud I want. Do you know what you’ve put me through?! What I have to do?! All this pretending, these lies,” you stop to catch your breath, hands trembling. “It’s not going to end good, Jungkook. It’s not going to end well. Your plans are bound to fail, like always.” You were initially surprised that you spoke this far without getting interrupted. Jungkook didn’t speak up. 

“You’ve ruined me. For once, at least once… be my saviour like I’ve been yours.” 

You didn’t speak to each other that night after that. 

He was your ride or die. He had never put anyone above you. But now it was clear. It was clear that he didn’t care for your life anymore — he had Hyun-ae now. He had her love and he didn’t mind whatever happened to your friendship. With those thoughts, you cried yourself to sleep that night on the bed. 

———

It was day one of sight-seeing. Or more like, site-seeing. Jungkook had made himself comfortable on the floor last night. You woke up to find him laying on the ground, sound asleep. At first, you were shocked, but remembering the events of last night, the sorrow and tension just returned to you. 

You shook him awake, and he retorted at first like he always did, but in the end, he did get up. 

He was now going through his closet, trying to pick an outfit. It reminded you of how you still hadn’t unpacked. Your luggage had been put in Jungkook’s room and looking over your shoulder, you could see the two bags you had packed. They were small and cute, pink in colour. They stood out in the room, which was mostly of golden and brown hues. 

The truth was that you were afraid of talking to Jungkook. Seeing as he didn’t care enough to initiate the conversation, it made you nervous. Had he really taken all of those things to heart? More importantly, you were asking yourself if you really did mean everything you had said. 

Were you mad at him or was it the frustration of pretending to be something, someone you’re not? 

Mentally telling yourself ‘screw it,’ you turn to Jungkook and clear your throat to gain his attention. He doesn’t stop looking for clothes through his wardrobe, but you saw him flinch ever so slightly when you did make a sound. You were going to say sorry. But was it really your fault? 

You wondered why you were even saying sorry when it wasn’t even your fault. If anything, it was Jungkook’s. And Hyun-ae’s, someone that you hadn’t even met yet, but still she was ruining your life. You dismissed yourself again. You had to be a good friend. 

“…I’m sorry about last night…” you begin speaking, making him stop in his actions. His face was hidden behind his arm, so you couldn’t see his expression. You were feeling really sick now. “I’m sorry about whatever I said,” even though it was all correct, “it was very inconsiderate of me,” it was very inconsiderate of him to ask you to do all this, “and I’m really at fault. I mean it.” You didn’t mean it. 

He turns to you with a sigh, then sits down next to you on the bed. “It's… it’s fine. I know you wouldn’t mean those types of things, I just…” he bites his lower lip, clearly confused about his own emotions. “You just got defensive?” you ask bitterly, making him frantically shake his head. He stayed quiet for a moment. “Maybe you’re right — yeah — I guess…” he gives in, nodding lightly. 

You click your tongue, “you know fights aren’t worth it. Let’s just… forget it, ‘kay? That never happened, okay?” you smile at him, he looks at you with uncertainty before he gives you a bright smile back. Bright just like himself. That’s one thing you loved about your friendship: you made up quickly. You loved that smile. You loved his laugh, the genuine one. 

He was sarcastic and stupid, he did things that were, otherwise, outright reckless, but you loved that too. It was what made him… well, him. 

That day was spent around the popular sites of the kingdom — he showed you a clocktower that was made by his great-grandfather. It reminded you of Big Ben, which was in England. 

Next, you were shown the royal museum that held the edicts and some artefacts, which were used by the royal family. Some were swords used in ancient wars, some were cups of gold used by the previous kings, and the proclamations of some rulers were inscribed on scrolls.

You were shown around a lot of historical monuments too. It was quite boring, to be honest, and Jungkook’s father had one of the noblemen show you and tell you everything, so you couldn’t even do something fun. At least Jungkook’s snarky comments saved the day. 

——— 

Day two had been switched up by Jungkook. He had told his father that ‘enough was enough’ and he ‘wanted to do something more fun’. So you guessed that’s how you got to the amusement park you were at now. 

It was the largest one in his kingdom, no doubt quite expensive, with the rides you had seen. It was nicely decorated, with banners and streamers. Almost like a birthday party. But maybe the sight would’ve been more colourful if the paparazzi hadn’t swarmed you, shoving the cameras in your faces. 

You held Jungkook’s hand tightly as you ventured through the crowd. You never knew Jungkook was good at archery. But apparently, he was. It was a little minigame and if you could hit all the points on the several boards, you could choose what prize you wanted — they were all plushies. 

When he did hit all the points, he offered you to choose the prize for yourself. You knew exactly what you wanted. The cute pink bunny, which in the end, was named Cooky by Jungkook. Ironic. 

You went on a rollercoaster next. It would be an understatement to say you were screaming all the way. Jungkook was surprised that your voice could even reach that high. “Only if you put me on a rollercoaster or put a cockroach on me,” you had replied, making him laugh as he dragged you to the next ride. 

 But you wished you had known that one ride could make you scream like no other. 

It was a ship. A ship dangling in the air. Now you were told that it would swing forward and backward in the air, but that didn’t explain the horror enough. 

“Jungkook, for the love of God, I swear I’ll give you all the banana milk you want, please don’t let me go, please don’t let me go, I’m gonna die—!” maybe you had forgotten to mention that those kinds of rides made you sick. Any time the ship swung forward was the mania. You felt like it would throw you out of it. You were clinging to Jungkook for your dear life, with him holding Cooky alongside you. 

You felt like you’d die. Any time it swung backwards, you’d get the time to breathe and calm down, then prepare yourself for the next forward swing, but of course, you could never be prepared enough. In the end, you’d always scream your lungs out. Thankfully, Jungkook held onto you securely the whole time. 

 "It’s okay, it’s okay!” you heard his laugh follow. Your arms were around his thin waist, making sure you wouldn’t fall off. You felt like you were flying but it was worse. You were just praying you wouldn’t fall out and die. 

At least Jungkook managed to whisper affirmative words, and you were able to catch a few in the loud wind. “It’ll be fine, I’m with you, it’s okay… I’m with you,” he kept on repeating. You were glad when the ride was over, and you had to be supported by a laughing Jungkook as you were quite dizzy after all that. 

Your brain was buzzing and you couldn’t even see properly. In fact, you were shaking in your boots. That was the worst time of your life. And you never wanted to experience it again. 

 To calm things down a bit, Jungkook decided to go on the Ferris wheel next. Cooky was given to you and you hugged it the whole way to the ride. Getting into your cabin, you were finally able to take a breath of relief and organise your thoughts. Your hair was a bit of a mess, so you fixed that as best as you could. You still hugged Cooky tightly though. You were scared. 

 "The sunset’s pretty,“ you couldn’t believe the day had gone so fast as you spoke. Sunsets were always pretty romantic, so mentioning that just made you nervous. Jungkook smiled softly, nodding to your words. Seeing that smile on his face, it just made you feel all giddy. 

At some point during the ride, the question turned from ‘why could everyone see you as a real couple’ to ‘who wouldn’t call you two a couple?‘ 

 You were falling deeper and deeper into the abyss that was Jungkook. Yes, he was foolish and he made decisions even if he knew that they would result in bad things happening. He wasn’t the smartest, but his smile was adorable. His laugh was adorable. The way he held you was something you had started to like a lot more. You really did love everything he did — so were you in love? 

No, of course not… or you thought. He had a girlfriend and it was stupid to be in love with a taken man. But he did ask you to act like his soon-to-be wife, so you were just going to use that to your advantage. Maybe you couldn’t be with him, but the moments you two had were precious to you. 

And if you could have more of those, then you were satisfied. Love hurt and it didn’t always work out. And that was fine, so you wouldn’t try to make him fall for you. 

You were sure that if he was meant to do that, then it could’ve been done a lot more sooner — before Hyun-ae had come into the picture. 

"I really like it too.” His reply made you lose your train of thought. You smiled at him as he stared in the distance, looking a lot calmer than usual. Maybe the possibility of falling in love with your childhood friend wasn’t that low. 

The kiss came back to you, memories of his soft lips flooding your mind. Heat rose to your cheeks, so you opted to conceal your blushing face by hiding it behind the giant pink bunny that was Cooky. 

Maybe you wouldn’t mind falling for Jeon Jungkook. 

———

Each and every day, you felt like you were falling more and more for his beautiful smile. His oblivious laugh. His sparkling eyes. He may have been intimidating, but he was the softest person you knew. He was caring and gentle.

He was protective of those he cared for. Just like you. Just like Hyun-ae.

At one point, you had told yourself to stop falling for him. Like it was even possible. But still, you distanced yourself from him. Or you had tried to. You had told yourself that he was taken, it was stupid to fall for him, you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t bear being hurt. But the heart never listened to anyone. You just felt yourself wanting more and more from him.

You had always thought that your ‘soulmate’ must be out there somewhere, just waiting for you to come along. But now that you were falling deeper into the spiral, it eventually changed to ‘my soulmate lives in the kingdom next to mine and we’re ‘best friends’.’

But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It hurt. It hurt so much. It killed you inside when you realised you couldn’t be with him. It absolutely devastated you. You hated it. But at the same time, you were happy. Wasn’t that love? Being happy because your loved one is. Smiling because he smiled. Laughing because he laughed. Living because he did. That was certainly how you felt.

"Tonight, we’re going out,” Jungkook says one unexpected night. You look at him with furrowed brows, confused. You had been continuing the site-seeing but you hadn’t been out at night. “Why? Where?” you blurt out, caught off-guard by the sudden exclamation.

Jungkook shifts closer to you hastily. “We’re alone, Guk. Seriously. No one is going to overhear you. We’re in your room,” you roll your eyes, but you don’t forget that your heart is racing because of how close he is to you. “We’re going to the club tonight.”

The seductive whisper wasn’t even the thing that sent chills down your spine. It was the fact that you were going to the club. And if you didn’t know better, you would’ve asked which club, but you knew it was the one Hyun-ae worked at. You felt a little unready for the whole occasion, to be honest.

“I— but what about your parents? What will we tell them?” you ask nervously, making Jungkook chuckle. Who were you kidding, he had probably taken care of that. He was just the best when it came to the worst things.

“Junghyun will take care of it. I told him to make up an excuse. He doesn’t know which club we’re going at anyway. Neither does he know about Hyun-ae,” you couldn’t ignore how sweetly he pronounced her name. Like she was something so precious, just an absolute treasure to him. You wished he called you like that.

“Okay.”

So that’s how you got to the club. It was jammed with people. You guessed that common clubs would be even more jammed. You saw people of high status dancing to the beat of the music on the dance floor, some had their lips on others’, some were downing glasses by the second. The overall situation was just sensual.

“This way,” with your hand in Jungkook’s, you were led to the bar where Hyun-ae worked at.

“Jungkook!” she was beautiful. In the dim lighting, you couldn’t see her especially well, but she was drop-dead gorgeous from what you did see. If you weren’t aware of her social status, you may have thought she was a princess working at a bar or something. Her voice was soft but clear, it was like music to your ears.

You were taken to a more secluded corner of the club, where Jungkook’s hand left yours. You felt yourself missing the touch instantly. He stood next to Hyun-ae now. Of course, she was his main priority. You were guessing the night was going to be a long one.

“So you’re Y/N?” you nod to her words, before realising that she probably couldn’t see that well either and decide to speak up. “Yeah,” you say. A little piece of your heart was on fire right now. It was hurting so much. This was the girl he was going to marry. After everything, she was the end goal. You bite your lip in an effort not to break down. You kept telling yourself you were happy for him.

But you weren’t. You were hurt. You wanted him to always be there like he had. You were being selfish and you hoped he’d forgive you for it. “It’s great to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you from Jungkook,” Hyun-ae giggled afterwards. “Thank you for being a good friend to Jungkook,” you could see her outline move closer to Jungkook’s. She wrapped her arm around Jungkook’s affectionately. You nodded slowly, then sighed.

You wanted to cry. Why did you agree? Jungkook’s adorable laugh as Hyun-ae put her arm around his — it was contagious. That was how you knew it was real. “I-It’s nothing, really. I appreciate Jungkook as a friend too…” you say quietly. Even your words were like a dagger to your heart. Your poor heart suffered too much.

You excused yourself as they started to say their ‘I love you’s. You didn’t want to hear it. You didn’t want to suffer more than you already had. Trying to hold back your tears, you blamed yourself for falling too hard, too deep. Your heart was pounding against your chest. You just wanted to hold him. You just wanted him but even that seemed too much to ask for.

You can barely stand up yourself, so you take support from the counter of the bar. “Some long island iced tea, please,” you mutter to the person at the counter, who prepares you the glass and you gulp it down within a matter of seconds, hoping it would ease the tightness of your chest. You knew you were going to get badly drunk, but it didn’t matter anymore. As long as you didn’t have to be sad today. It certainly did help.

You felt better. The liquor was washing away your sorrows. Your mind felt a little fuzzier. You order one more glass. Just one more couldn’t hurt. You drink that one down too, but this time leisurely, feeling a lot more free and careless.

The surroundings were becoming more blurry by the second. You felt light-weighed. Your tipsy self walked over to the familiar corner of the club, where you saw Jungkook and Hyun-ae on their own. Tugging on your friend’s jacket, you try to balance yourself with his support. “Y/N? Are you already drunk?” he asks, but his voice seems so distant that you just want to be lulled to dreamland at this point.

“No, of course… I'm… not drunk… not… yet?” you say, more as a question than a definite answer. Jungkook sighs. Well, this was bound to happen. He knew you didn’t handle alcohol very well, but how bad exactly, he wasn’t sure.“What did you have? Are you okay? Should I take you home?” you nod slowly to his words, but your brain didn’t register anything. “Two… iced teas… the long island ones…” you take the moment to appreciate the way Jungkook’s hands kept you up. You’d slide down to the ground if it wasn’t for him. 

"Seriously?“ he muttered something to Hyun-ae afterwards, but you didn’t catch it. "Let’s go… and sleep, I’m really tired…” you hadn’t even been there for half an hour. Yet still, you couldn’t keep yourself up anymore. "And let’s sleep on the same bed… okay? Don't… sleep on the floor this time… I’m worried you might catch a cold…” 

“I get it, let’s go,” Jungkook’s frustration was clear. But your drunk self didn’t seem to mind it all. He said some more things to Hyun-ae, whose distorted expression was something between concern and jealousy. Or so you hoped it was jealously, because you hated her. You absolutely loathed her. Everything about her. 

You were finally taken back to the castle unnoticed. 

“Why do we lie, Y/N?” Jungkook asks, you’re almost asleep but his question wakes you up. As he had said, he was going to sleep with you tonight. Every other night, you kept on switching between who’d take the floor and who’d take the bed. He was the one who mostly took the floor, but this night, things were different. 

“I don’t know… why are you asking me… I don’t lie…” you mumble through your sleep, eyes shut gently. “Everyone lies,” hearing Jungkook’s statement, you snicker. “I don’t, suck it up…” you reply. “Right. So you don’t. But why do others lie?” he repeats. 

“Because… hmm… depends…” you shift a little in the warm bed, blanket over your body. Jungkook was sitting on the bed, his back supported by the pillow as he didn’t feel the need to sleep just yet. His phone was in front of him. You wanted him to play you some melodies but that was probably too much. Enough destruction had been done today. 

“Sometimes we lie… because… we want to make others happy…” you pause, drifting more into sleep. “And other times?” Jungkook beckons you to continue. “Well… other times… we lie because… we don’t want to get into… trouble.“ 

"Oh,” Jungkook blurts out, making you reach out absent-mindedly, and punch his arm. Or it felt like his arm anyway. “Like you do. But there’s one other time we lie…” Jungkook’s eyes were on you. You could feel them. “When we… want something from someone else. When we are using them." 

"Now play me some music, please… some soft… sweet music." 

"I’ll sing for you." 

"Yes please…" 

"And you bless me with the best gift, that I’ve ever known, you give me purpose.” 

——— 

Lately, things had been very hard. Jungkook’s mother wasn’t joking when she had said that the wedding would be held as soon as possible. You were hogged with what to wear, make-up, hairstyles, and everything. 

You told her to take it slow as Jungkook had advised you to do, but she was very keen, just like you had thought. Side by side, your mother was in favour of everything too. 

To calm things down a bit, you told your mother and his mother that you and Jungkook would be going sightseeing again. It was the only way you could get out and breathe some fresh air. Most girls would be excited for their wedding day, but you wanted to postpone it as much as possible — well, it wasn’t yours, to begin with. 

The crowd was really bad this time. You were visiting the statue that Jungkook’s grandfather had apparently built. It was a man, young from what you could see, made of some sort of metal, maybe bronze or gold, but you weren’t sure. He held up a sword in the air, which reminded you almost of winning a war and doing your victory pose. Or maybe you had been playing a lot of Overwatch with Jungkook. 

News of your wedding was all around the kingdom now, you guessed it was like that in yours too. 

Jungkook’s hand was holding yours. But perhaps not as strongly. Everyone kept asking questions and screaming names, you may have heard some death threats too. Possibly fangirls of the prince, you guessed. The crowd’s force was so strong, even the few guards you had brought weren’t strong enough to hold them back. Should’ve brought more guards, the same thought recurred. 

Your hand left Jungkook’s in the midst of all the shouts and screams, and pushing and pulling. You were drawn back in the crowd, with no one noticing that you were outside the swarm now. 

Frantically, you ran around the circle of people, trying to get in but everyone was so used to forcing their way through, you couldn’t even get back to your friend. The word tasted bitter on your lips. You sigh, hastily running to another side before your eyes settle at the cafè that’s beside the other shops in the area. 

Hyun-ae. You could recognise her in the bright daylight. She was there with someone. A man, a man whose face was half-covered by the mask that he was wearing over his mouth. One you didn’t know. 

You step closer to the window, where their seats were at. Maybe you could hear them? Who was he? You didn’t want to jump to wrong conclusions, they could be siblings or cousins… or maybe even friends, who knows? But the sick feeling that you get at the pit of your stomach tells you something else entirely. 

Your breath is basically non-existent as you step closer, and the two don’t notice you. You stand next to the glass window, your back supported by the wall. You hope no one is recording you. You hope you don’t turn up in the newspapers, accused of eavesdropping. But you have to do this for yourself. For yourself and Jungkook. Besides, the reporters were a little too biased towards Jungkook and what he did rather than your doings. 

“I asked him for some more time,” her voice was just the same you had remembered it. It was still beautiful, and while you had only met her once, it was short, and days have passed since then, you could still recognise it. The only difference was that now it was infusing with your blood like poison. You hated her voice, her being. 

Your stomach started to churn and do back-flips. Your insides were burning. You felt almost bad for Jungkook. Was she the only one who needed time? Was that why you were dragged into this? 

“I don’t want to marry him. But I need to become queen,” you hear her whine. “Ah, Jagiya~ it’s okay,” the male’s voice was indistinguishable. You didn’t know who he was. “But I want to marry you! But you’re just not… enough. You’re not as rich. You’re not a prince,” she frowned. 

What was more stupid was that she was right near where Jungkook was. Did she expect him to show up and break up with her? How’d she ever become queen then? You wondered what her motive was. 

“Plus, I hate that friend of his. He’s always talking of her and she seems to be the type of person who talks all about him too.” That wasn’t a surprise. While it did make your heart flutter when you heard that he was talking of you to his girlfriend, that wasn’t what mattered right now. What mattered was that Jungkook was dating a cheater and it was stupid of him to waste his energy on someone like her. 

Tired and obviously angry, you give Jungkook a message to meet you at the car. Your anger was beyond measure. Feeling like you heard something you should not have, you didn’t know how to feel. You were scared, most of all. You finally find the car and get inside, tapping your foot with irritation. 

The car door opens and Jungkook sits inside. The driver starts up the car and you’re taken back to the castle. 

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks you when you get to his room. You avoided all of his questions in the car. You didn’t want to speak of the matter in front of the driver. 

"Hyun-ae is cheating on you,“ you say, and while you aren’t even the one in the relationship, your eyes flood with tears. You’re worried about Jungkook. You love him. You love him and you don’t want him to be heartbroken. 

"What?” he blurts out, turning to you with surprise. You lock your tear-filled eyes with his blank ones. “Hyun-ae is cheating on you. I saw her. I saw her, she was with another man… she’s…” you bite your lip, looking away. You felt pity above all. Pity for Jungkook. 

And here you thought you were the victim. That you were being used. But it was all along Jungkook, controlled like a puppet, the strings in Hyun-ae’s hands. 

“…she's… u-using you.” Jungkook stays still at the words. He didn’t want to speak. His heart fell. “You must have seen someone else,” he replies, plastering a smile. “There’s a lot of people who look like Hyun-ae." 

"But she sounded like her too." 

"She couldn’t be. She loves me,” you walk closer to Jungkook, shaking your head. How badly you wanted to scream that she didn’t love him like he thought. “How do I tell you…? I should’ve recorded it… I should’ve taken pictures… I know… but… I was too shocked… I’m so sorry,” you look deep in his eyes. For once, you don’t see twinkling stars. You see darkness — emptiness — and that spoke a ton about how he felt. 

“T-Tell me you’re lying. Hyun-ae… she couldn’t do that.” You sigh heavily, and it still isn’t enough to let out the frustration you feel. “I’m not lying. She’s cheating on you. I swear I’m not lying,” you say meekly. “I wouldn’t ever lie to you." 

"But you did.” 

You stare at him, eyes wide. “What do you mean?” you ask, brows furrowing.  "You meant everything you said that night. You said it was stupid of me to marry a commoner. I thought you were my friend…?“ your eyes widen more. 

You shake your head in denial, but your voice doesn’t come out. "Friends support friends." 

"I am supporting you! I’ve always supported you. You’re just blind in love,” you bite your lip, afraid you’d start crying. Jungkook turns quiet. “You can believe whatever you want to. Just know that I told you the truth. It’s Hyun-ae who—" 

"Don’t speak in that way about Hyun-ae!” the loud shout shook you. You take a deep, uneven breath, sniffing. “You picked Hyun-ae over me again. Even if I’m not lying,” you wipe the tears in your eyes. “This was what I was afraid of.” Your heart hurt. It hurt like it never had. You felt like your breath was being taken away, like you were suffocating. 

"I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s a lost cause.”

———

It had been days since then. Jungkook and you had separate rooms now. You had requested that of Jungkook’s mother and she agreed. Everyone could sense that something was wrong, because you both kept shut in your individual rooms. Though no one would mention it. There was no sightseeing, no communication between you and Jungkook.

You’d go to give him food but he’d never open the door. In the end, it was left at his doorstep.

"Y/N, darling, we should go shopping for your dress, no? The wedding is real close,” and did you forget to mention that the wedding was coming really fast now? Unlike yourself, Jungkook was in his room all day. He didn’t get out of it for a single moment. You sometimes got up to go out because your mother told you so.

“Sure…” the wedding was supposed to held in a wedding hall, and you had decided upon going for a more western style. A white dress, made to perfectly suit you. It all felt a little useless now. You weren’t even going to be married to Jungkook anymore. There was no point, but the others didn’t know.

Jungkook didn’t know.

As your mother would show you pretty dresses and awe over them as they fit your wedding theme, you’d think of what Jungkook would be doing. Was he crying? Was he sad? Or was he happy? Was he playing Overwatch, or maybe he was talking to Hyun-ae. Maybe that last thought wasn’t as soothing as the rest. At least every time you gave him food, he’d take it inside. Hopefully, he was eating well. He’d never open the door to anyone though, not while they were standing there.

You sigh, pick any dress that comes to mind and show it to your mother. Your mind just kept zooming back to Jungkook. He hadn’t taken his attire yet, had he? A little part of you felt disgusted because while he was heartbroken, or so you thought anyway, you were picking out a dress for the wedding. And while you did love him, you just wished you could fix everything.

Maybe in another universe, in another world, some other time, you could be with him.

Getting back to the castle, you took the food tray you were offered from the kitchen and took it to Jungkook’s room. This was every day’s routine.

You knock on the door, taking a deep breath. You know he won’t open it, but a little part of you still thinks he considers it. He probably hates you though, no matter how much you deny the thought. “Jungkook… I brought food,” you say quietly, hoping he’d be able to hear it from the other side. Your heart was begging to just see his face again. He felt like a distant memory.

“Jungkook,” you knock the door again, but then stop, giving up. Putting down the tray, you hope he’ll take the food you left and leave.

You needed this to stop. You wanted him to hear from you again. You wanted to see his pretty face again. You wanted to hear his sweet voice again. Taking out your phone, you quietly muttered ‘screw it’ and texted Junghyun to tell him to meet up with you. You decided upon going to a cafè — not the same one as Hyun-ae’s, though. Just a random one that Junghyun recommended. You knew it wasn’t the same one as you entered. You didn’t want to confess in the castle. You were afraid someone would overhear. Plus it felt a little too confined. You wanted to get out and try to be a little happy for once. The castle felt like a jail of lies at this point.

“I want to tell you something…” you couldn’t believe you were doing it. “What?” you knew you could trust Junghyun. But to what extent? You were scared he might tell his parents, and then the news would quickly spread, but you had to do it. You knew you didn’t have Jungkook’s permission. But you weren’t going to back down now. For one, you didn’t need his assistance. You knew the truth. And secondly, it was far too late to turn back now.

“Promise me you won’t freak out,” you look at him with furrowed brows, and he nods slowly. “Okay… but… what are you—?”

“Is that princess Y/N?” you freeze. The news reporters. You could hear them approaching you. And for once, you felt frustrated. Why this place, of all of them? You get up, taking Junghyun’s hand, you get out of the cafè, where the swarm of reporters is already gathering. “Why are you holding prince Junghyun’s hand?” one asks. You take a deep breath. “I—”

“Are you cheating> on prince Jungkook?” your eyes flood with tears. You wanted to scream, you wanted to tell them the truth. But you were the antagonist. You always had been. You were set to be the jealous person that fell in love. You were never the princess you truly were in real life. You could never even think of cheating on Jungkook. But with the way you held Junghyun’s hand, it was clear to the crowd.

“Can you explain your relationship with prince Junghyun?” another asks. “Are you cheating on prince Jungkook with prince Junghyun?” one more question came. You were deaf to all of them. You wished you were. You wished you were deaf to the accusations. You bite your lip in an effort to not break down, tearing at the seams. You were tearing at the seams.

Grasping Junghyun’s hand even tighter, you walk away from the crowd, pushing and making your way back to the sanctuary you once had.

———

“They blame me, Jungkook…” your lip was quivering as you spoke to the door. It was late at night. No one was roaming the corridors at this time, and it was dark. But you hoped, you hoped that Jungkook was hearing you. “I never cheated on you… I swear…” you break down. “I wish you could open the door. I hope you can hear me… but I never cheated on you…” you felt like you were going crazy.

You were desperate to shout out the truth. You were done living a lie. Living as a lie. “Please… Jungkook… we were in this together… you told me that I was never alone…” but you were alone. Alone and so much more. The cheating accusations had spread like a wildfire. But you weren’t cheating. You were telling the truth. You were trying to tell Junghyun the truth so he could help you. He was like a younger brother to you.

“Please open the door…” you sniff, breaking down more. Tears wouldn’t stop falling down your cheeks. “Everyone’s really worried for you too… I wish we could escape this. I wish we really could. I hope you’re okay…” you sob. You had a headache from crying. “I really hope you’re okay…” you bite your quivering bottom lip, “I care for you a lot. A lot. I really do.

"I love us too, Jungkook. But you’re making it hard for me to hang on.”

———

The castle was sombre. It had been like this for a while now. The royal families were trying to handle the situation, but the media had everyone fooled. Jungkook still hadn’t come out of his room, he’d never even take the food anymore. Junghyun had taken refuge in his room, he sometimes would come out. But whenever his eyes met yours, you could see the uncertainty they held.

You had given up on trying to tell anyone about the truth. You couldn’t do it without Jungkook. You wanted to die. You weren’t even living anymore. Just hanging between life and death. The food tasted stale because Jungkook wasn’t there. The room looked darker because Jungkook wasn’t there. Your heart always fell when you saw that the food tray hadn’t been taken inside by Jungkook.

His hands had held you. His arms had protected you. His eyes had made you smile. And his smile had made you laugh and feel all giddy. You couldn’t even blame yourself for falling for him — who wouldn’t fall for him? He was perfect, even with his imperfections, he was perfect.

Maybe the problem was Hyun-ae. Maybe it was her selfishness that led you all to this hell-hole. Or maybe it was you, caring a little too much for your own good.

It was the night before the wedding. You stopped in your tracks in front of Jungkook’s room. The door was as closed as it had ever been. The tray wasn’t touched even a little. You put the food aside.

“Jungkook. Tomorrow’s the wedding,” it wasn’t that late. He should’ve been awake. “Our plans have failed. I’m so sorry.” You turn quiet for a second. “I know you really wanted to marry Hyun-ae. You wanted to marry Hyun-ae and you loved her. You still love her,” it hurt to even say that, “but I failed you. I’m so sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.” Your head perks up. Did you hear his sweet voice? It was him. Meek, but you could still identify it. “Why are you sorry?” you ask, trembling. You just wished he’d open the door and let you see him. It had been weeks. You couldn’t do it anymore. You couldn’t go by without seeing his beautiful face, his shining eyes.

“You were right. Hyun-ae was cheating on me.” You stare expectantly at the door, waiting for it to open but it didn’t. “How did you find out…?” you ask again. At least you were true. “One of the noblemen told me. His name’s Taehyung. We’re quite good friends. I told him to follow her. He saw it with his own eyes,” he answered. While you did feel sad that he didn’t believe you but he did believe Taehyung, you couldn’t blame him. He really did love Hyun-ae.

“What about… the wedding now?” you ask weakly, afraid to approach the topic. “I don’t know anymore. I gave you so much pain. I put you through so much. You agreed. You deserve a much better friend, Y/N,” you shake your head at his words. “You’re my best friend. And…” you bite your lip. Something in you told you that you weren’t as scared to say it now.

“And I love you.” There was silence on both sides. It was understandable. You wished you were less selfish. He was still going through a break-up, you should’ve been nicer and save it for later. But you had come to realise that later wasn’t a thing anymore. Whatever was going to happen, it had to happen now.

“I loved you too.” Your eyes widen. “I did. I thought you saw me just like a brother… so… I… I went to the bar. I saw Hyun-ae. She helped… she was like a rebound. I hate to put it that way, because I did like her too… but I don’t even deserve you after what I did. I realise now that I’m selfish. I’m self-obsessed. I shouldn’t have asked you such a big favour. I mean… I loved you. You don’t do that to the people you love.

"When I spent time with you, I felt like I was with my soulmate.” You didn’t speak. You were too scared to. “I felt like I was on cloud nine. You made me so happy, Y/N. I laughed the hardest when you were around. You always seemed to put a smile on my face. You really did. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”

———

The wedding day, you sigh. “Where is Jungkook?!” the queen exclaims, furious. Since he had locked himself in his room, she had bought his attire for him. But he was nowhere to be seen.

You had talked to him last night, but after he confessed, he had turned quiet and eventually you were just talking to yourself.

Your mind did not focus on her though. It was somewhere else. “Love like the one between you and Jungkook can’t be faked, dear. You’ll be very happy with him,” your mother had said as you were being ready for the big day. You couldn’t explain the heartburn you felt when you heard her words.

Now everything was in chaos. No one knew where Jungkook was. You suggested checking his room, but it was locked. A locksmith was called immediately and after he had worked his magic, the door opened.

You were scared. But even more so, worried. Jungkook wasn’t in his room. Opening the bathroom door, Jungkook’s motionless body was found to be in the bathtub.

The rest was a blur. You vaguely remember freaking out, Jungkook’s mother’s screams, and the people who came to pick up the body. You couldn’t stop crying as you reached the hospital and Jungkook was taken straight to the ICU.

Your mother came to sit down beside you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” she hugs you, while you sob into her shoulder. You were still in your wedding clothes. “He wasn’t even supposed to be my husband, mother.”

“What?”

“It was a lie…” you admit. “He wanted to marry a commoner. She asked him for time, so he asked me to play along so he could get some more time for his real soon-to-be wife. But she cheated on him. Only wanted the money and status. I wasn’t his wife, mother.” You look at her, her unwavering eyes making you break down even more. “I wasn’t dating Jungkook, mother.”

———

Since then, you’d visit Jungkook every day. He was diagnosed to be in a coma because of the lack of oxygen his brain had received after he tried to suicide by drowning himself.

Your mother had told his parents the truth, and thankfully, even if they were angry for some time, they let you see him again. You’d always bring Cooky with you. It was the one thing he had left you — along with countless beautiful memories.

The first year was heartbreaking. You’d come to visit him and cry every time. You’d tell him how much you love him and that you miss him and his jokes. That everyone misses him. Hyun-ae had come to visit too, and the visit had been short and silent. She told you that she was deeply sorry for what she had done. You fucking hoped she did.

The second year was when most people had forgotten he even existed. The hype had died down, but you still visited him. You told him about how you had spent your day, and that you had met someone promising. You always made sure to kiss him goodbye. You didn’t cry as much now. Sometimes you did, but most of the time, you made jokes. You told him about how people were making fun of you for fake-dating someone as amazing as Jungkook. It hurt, but you felt like Jungkook’s mere presence was enough to make you feel calm.

The third year came and went just as quickly. You told Jungkook about how you had started dating someone for real now. The promising person was by the name of Namjoon. He was another prince you had come across, from a nearby kingdom. Smart, humble, and sweet too. You told Jungkook of your adventures with Namjoon.

The first year that you didn’t have even one day to spare was the fifth one. You and Namjoon had decided to get married. And the preparations had you very busy. You felt bad for that, but you had no other choice.

———

Six years had passed. Going down the aisle, being wed to Namjoon reminded you of your precious friend. He was still in deep sleep, unaware that his loved one was going to get married. Even if he didn’t know Namjoon, he would’ve been the best man at the wedding.

Or wouldn’t it be better if he was the groom himself? You were not going to make the mistake of treating Namjoon as a rebound. It was wrong and he deserved more than that. You had seen how wrong that could go. But there was just something Jungkook had always made you feel that Namjoon just… couldn’t.

He was intelligent, his dimpled smile was adorable. But Jungkook made you feel elevated. He made you feel so incredibly special. And you knew fully well that you couldn’t ever really move on.

You knew that there may have been someone like him out there, but no one was Jungkook. Namjoon was everything Jungkook lacked — he was a planner, he cared for the consequences, and he didn’t take risks. But you just did not feel the way you felt with Jungkook. You wished you could’ve walked down the aisle to Jungkook, but that was wrong to think. So you shook your head and smiled even if your heart was unwilling.

There was no one like Jungkook. He was one of a kind and no one could compete with him. That was a simple truth. You just hoped your dear friend would wake up. There was so much to catch up on. There were so many things you wanted to say to him.

In the place that he would’ve sat today, sat another faithful, dear friend of yours — Cooky. A symbol of your lost love.

[valkyrieofthehighfae]

Chapter 1

Alright guys I’m dropping the other series I’ve been working on alongside Eternally Yours! This one touches on some serious subject matters, so I will ask that if you are under 18, you skip this particular series! Summery:  Valkyrie has lived a tough life on the streets on the lower levels in Coruscant, working as a dishwasher in a club known as The Crypt. She’s promoted to dancer on her seventeenth birthday where her life begins to spiral into a host of problems: drug use, plastic surgery, alcohol abuse, and an unsavory relationship with the owner of the club’s son, Grave. She manages to partially pull herself from the darkness to become a medic with her brother’s help, wanting to make something of herself. She finds herself falling for her best friend, Fives, the realization of her feelings sending her down a rabbit hole she never thought she’d find herself in again. Valkyrie has to decide what she wants out of life and it may not be an easy decision for her to make once feelings get involved.

Warnings: Drug use, mentions of plastic surgery, potential alcohol abuse, and some brief smut

Join my taglist here Tagging: @mcu-padawan​ Word Count: 2.6k Also, if anyone catches the references I make to a certain movie throughout this series, you are awesome as hell!

“Astrid Valkyria Nightdancer, where the hell do you think you’re going?”

The sound of my brother’s voice booming in our apartment had me jumping a foot into the air, my bag slipping from my hands and hitting the ground in front of me. I quickly picked it up, clutching it to my chest as I scuffed my foot across the tile flooring, not meeting Ivar’s stern gaze.

“Koyi invited me to sleepover tonight for my birthday. Her mom and dad said it was okay. I… didn’t think you’d mind since you know them.” I mumbled. I could practically feel the anger radiating off of my brother in waves, flinching as he stomped over to the door and locked it again.

“You know you’re not allowed out without someone with you! What, were you just going to walk to Koyi’s apartment building alone? At night? Do you not remember what happened to mom and dad? And the rest of our brothers? You’re only ten, you shouldn’t be out there alone!” The anger in his voice died away to a quiet pain that he tried to hide with a stern glare, but I could see it in his mismatched eyes, a slight glimmer of tears there.

“It’s not like they live that far! I can handle a five minute walk, Ivar!” I snapped at him, shouldering my pack and glaring at him angrily, my arms crossed over my chest. It wasn’t fair, I didn’t get to do anything normal kids my age did; I couldn’t go to school, I wasn’t allowed to go out and play, I couldn’t even walk five minutes to my best friend’s apartment. “Those stupid cartels aren’t gonna come here! Stop treating me like a baby! It’s not fair! I can’t do anything!”

“This isn't up for debate, Astrid. You’re not going and that’s final. Go to your room.” Ivar snapped back, a scowl darkening his face again.

“I hate you. This is the worst birthday ever!” Tears burned in my eyes as I ran past him to my room, throwing my pack onto my bed. It just wasn’t fair, all I wanted was to go have fun with Koyi. I worked hard to get perfect grades with my tutor, I always followed the rules even though I hated them, and the one time I wanted to do something just for me, I was told no. Again. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and after a moment of standing in the middle of my room, I grabbed my bag, stuffing as much stuff into it as possible, and went over to my window, pusing it open and slipping out into the cover of darkness, running as fast as I could away from this prison of a home.

                                                            ~*~*~

[2 years later]

I stood up on a small ladder so I could reach the sink, frowning slightly as I scrubbed plates and silverware clean, placing them into large racks while I waited for the dishwasher to finish up with the first load of dishware so I could get a second load going.

“Valkyrie! Doing good work there kid. Keep it up and you’ll get a small raise from the boss.” Rokra, a burly looking Togruta who ran the kitchen I worked in, barked at me, a grin lighting up his scarred face. Rokra had found me scavenging for leftovers in the alleyway almost six months ago and brought me in for a proper meal. I hadn’t been doing too bad for myself out on the streets since leaving home, but some days were harder than others to get actual food and not just scraps or even nothing at all. When Rokra stepped in, I was going on nearly a week and a half with nothing to eat, so I jumped at the chance to get something fresh and hot in my belly, scarfing my meal down like a rabid lothcat.

“You really think so?” I lit up at the idea of getting more credits, even if it was just a small amount. I got paid under the table in Rokra’s words, so it was all in actual credits at payday. I kept them hidden away in a small jewelry box Delphine had gotten me as a little gift for being a good helper around The Crypt. When I wasn’t washing dishes, I was helping the dancers like Delphine keep their things cleaned up and organized, and Delphi was my favorite of all the girls; she reminded me a lot of my mom, so I stuck close to her whenever I could to find some comfort and affection. She and Rokra had taken on the role of parents for me, both of them teaching me when they could and making sure I was well taken care of.

“Absolutely, little one. You’re a hard worker and have proven that time and time again. Now go on, I think Delphine’s got some new books for you to read.” He laughed, ruffling my hair. I made a face at him, reaching up with a small hand to push my hair out of my face so I could see where I was going.

“There you are! Come here, let me do your hair.” Delphine smiled when I peeked into the dressing room, motioning for me to enter. I bounded over to the red head, taking a seat on the stool she pulled out for me and waited impatiently as she ran a brush through my too long and tangled hair. “I’m going to braid it back, alright? Where are your rings and beads?”

I fished out the traditional rings and beads my mother had crafted for me out of durasteel, carving runes of protection into the metal, and put them carefully into Delphi’s outstretched hand. “Delphi, you’re shaking. Are you okay?” I turned to crane my head so I could look at her, brow furrowing as I really looked at her. Her honey colored eyes were dull and listless, dark circles blemishing her pale skin, giving her an almost haunted look to her thin face. Something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what it was and that scared me.

“I’m alright sweetheart. Vados has some medication he’s going to bring me in a while that will help. Now turn around so I can fix your hair,” She sighed, motioning for me to turn around. I made a face at the mention of Vados; he was the head bouncer of The Crypt, a big Zabrak with a terrifying scowl on his face at all times of the day and night. He towered over me and while he didn’t go out of his way to scare me on purpose, he didn’t exactly do anything to try and not scare me, either. I didn’t like him at all, avoiding him as much as possible.

“Are you sick?” I wanted to turn around to look at her so badly, but I knew I had to wait until she was done with my hair.

“Sort of, yes. Once I get that blue medicine, I’ll be okay.” Delphine’s voice was soft, soothing. I knew what medicine she was talking about, it came in a little glass vial and was a bright electric blue in color, and it made the dancers act strange whenever they got it.

“Oh, okay. Rokra said you got me some new books! When can I read them?” I could finally turn around so I could look at her, eager to see what she’d found in one of the little shops here on the lower levels of Coruscant.

“Come on, let’s get them now. You can read me a story tonight after my set.” A smile bloomed on Delphine’s thin, gaunt face as she got to her feet slowly. I was practically quivering with excitement as she lurched towards her locker, opening it to reveal three small books with beautiful covers made of leather and gold lettering painted on the front of them.

“Delphie, these are beautiful! Thank you so much!” I hugged her tightly before carefully taking them in hand. Books were a rare thing to find for people like us, so I made sure to take very good care of the ones Delphie was lucky to find, especially with how expensive they are. I knew she would use most of her paycheck to get me these amazing little trinkets and books and clothes, telling me to save my credits so I could make something of myself when I got older. “Delphine? I… thank you. I really appreciate how much you and Rokra have done for me since I arrived here.”

                                                        ~*~*~

[5 years later]

Nervousness bubbled in my stomach as I knocked on the door of the bosses office, waiting for him to respond before entering the plush room, cigar smoke floating towards me, making my nose burn from the acrid scent that had me wrinkling my nose in disgust for a very brief moment. Grave, his son, was lounging in one of the overstuffed chairs, a very slight grin tugging at his black painted lips as he looked me up and down in interest.

“You wanted to see me sir?” I cleared my throat, biting my lip anxiously, wondering what I could have possibly done to warrant getting called into his office.

“Yes, that’s right my dear. Today’s your seventeenth birthday, isn’t it?” His voice was rough, gravelly, and carried a strange lilt to it as he questioned me about my birthday.

“Yes sir, it is.”

“Well happy birthday, my dear. I have an offer for you; how would you like to move up from being my hostess to my newest dancer? Since Delphine... left, I’ve been one dancer short for our VIP guests and you’ve grown up to be quite the looker. You’d make far more credits and I think you’d make a fine addition up there on stage.” Golden eyes gleamed and I beamed excitedly at his words.

“Really? You want me to be a dancer? Yes! I’ve wanted to dance since I was a dishwasher!” I squealed, clapping my hands excitedly. This was so unexpected but I couldn’t be happier about the offer.

“Excellent. Grave, why don’t you get our newest dancer set up?” Boss man dismissed us with a wave of his hand, going back to reading through his datapads. Grave got to his feet and motioned for me to come with him, taking my hand in his when he didn’t think I was coming along fast enough. My cheeks flushed when he glanced down at me, grinning flirtatiously as he twined our fingers together.

“Come on Baby Doll, let’s get you taken care of,” His voice was husky, his dark eyes gleaming with a mischief that matched his tone so well. “I’ll take good care of you.” His words had my heart fluttering in my chest, that smile making me weak in the knees. I tilted my head curiously when he led me into his room, motioning for me to sit on his bed while he dug around in his desk for something, muttering under his breath before finding whatever it was he’d been looking for.

“What’s that?” I tried to get a good look at whatever it was but Grave only shook his head in response. “Fine, don’t tell me then. Are you always this secretive?” I couldn’t help but pout a little, wondering just what it was he was hiding behind his back.

“Maybe. Come here,” He held his free hand out to me. “I’ll let you see the surprise in a moment.” I took his hand, gasping when he pressed his lips to mine, one hand on the back of my neck while the hand that had been behind his back came up to my inner thigh, a sharp, stabbing feeling followed by a quick electric jolt hit me. A sudden rush of numbness coursed through my veins, sending my body into a sort of state of shock from how quickly my limbs went limp and felt as if they weighed a ton. If Grave hadn’t of been holding me up, I would have hit the floor like a sack of duracrete blocks. Whatever he injected me with, it was fast acting and left me in an almost drunken state of being, and I quickly found myself blacking out.

Pain was the first thing I felt when I finally came to who knows how later, the burning and aching radiating from my chest and the injection site, bringing tears to my eyes as I lay in a bed that I knew wasn’t mine. My mouth was drier than Tatooine, my head pounding horribly when I tried to open my eyes, wincing at the light shining down in my face.

“What -?” I croaked out, holding a hand up to try and block the light some. “Where am I?”

“Easy, you had quite the surgery Baby Doll. You need to take it easy,” A voice I sort of recognized murmured in my ear. “Let me get you a drink.”

“Grave? What happened?” I blinked a few times, trying to clear my vision. Grave came back over with a glass of what I hoped was water, carefully helping me sit up so I could get a drink. I took a large gulp of the liquid, coughing hard at the vile taste, shoving the cup away from me. Whatever was in that cup, it definitely wasn’t water.

“You need to drink it, Baby Doll. It’s going to speed up your recovery.” Grave insisted, forcing the cup back to my lips to make me drink. Once he was satisfied that I’d finished it, he set the cup aside with a smile and reached out to stroke my cheek tenderly. “Good girl babe. Come on, let’s get you back to sleep.” He soothed in the honeyed voice of his, his hands easing me back against the mattress.

“Grave, what did you do to me?” My voice was barely above a whisper, pain making it hard to talk. It was then I noticed my chest felt heavier and I looked down to see I had wrappings around my breasts. “What did you do?”

“It’s nothing to worry about, Baby Doll. It’s just a simple breast implant surgery. You need to rest babe, let’s get you a dose of Zydrate to help you relax.” Grave got up and pulled out the familiar glass vial and gun that I’d seen used on the other dancers, placing it against my other thigh and injecting me again. That same rush of numbness flowed through my entire body once again, the pain vanishing completely. This time, though, I felt a strange heat fanning out from my belly down to my feet and up into my throat, an all too familiar pulsing between my legs catching my attention. Grave leaned down to catch my lips in a heated kiss that I found myself returning eagerly, twining my fingers in his long, soft, chestnut colored hair. His hands slid up my thighs, fingers deftly removing my pants, tossing them aside along with the lacy, lavender panties I’d been wearing, his thick fingers exploring my folds, sliding along my clit, drawing a moan from my mouth.

“Grave, wait, I’m… I’ve never slept with anyone.” My voice went hoarse when I felt him slide two fingers into my hot core.

“I’ll take it nice and slow, Baby Doll, don’t worry.” He groaned into my neck, placing an open mouthed kiss onto the hollow of my throat. “You’re my girl, I’ll always take care of you.” I closed my eyes, sinking down into darkness.

[chocochar]

Dabi with an s/o that’s badass on the outside, soft on the inside? Vigilante, lots of scars and stuff? Powerful??

(AN: I hope this is okay, I think I went for more of a tough on the outside, soft on the inside... lol 

Anyways, hope you like it eue Thank you for the request!)

        (F/n) first encountered Dabi about a month ago when they were on their patrol around the city and happened to come across him when he was heading for the hideout. Being a vigilante they wear a mask whenever they go on their rounds, and disregarded the law back then to fight him with their quirk to take him down. Their quirk was an even match, the power giving them the ability to control elements (but only one at a time and when focused on said element).

        "Heh, so you can control my fire, huh?" He asked, hiding behind a car when (F/n) shot his fire back at him. 

        "Technically, I can control elements, so fighting someone like you is a piece of cake!" They shouted, pressing their hands to the ground and causing the ground under him to lurch, sending him into the air. They dodged right away as he summoned a large ball of fire and threw it at the vigilante. What they weren't expecting is him landing and flicking his wrist causing it to completely change direction flying their way again, (F/n) back on their feet and throwing out their hand. The ground lifted up and blocked them from the attack, the ball of inferno blasting against the asphalt and dispersing.

        "You're fun, at least, but I haven't seen you around, you a new hero or something?" He asked after the ground returned to it's previous state. (F/n) narrowed their eyes and stood, keeping distance and watching him carefully in case he threw a sneak attack their way. 

        "I consider myself a helper, I guess. I don't believe you need a license and all that to save people, plus," they get back into a fighting stance, prepared to capture Dabi here and now. "They're too wrapped up in their fame, I prefer taking the problem out and moving onto another without the interviews and the like in between."

        (F/n) proceeded to slam their foot down and suddenly the ground again rose beneath him to send him flying their way. Wasting no time in rushing forward the (hair color) haired vigilante had him in their sights and just as he was preparing a flame attack they were about to use it against him. But things never go as planned. 

        (F/n) jumped out of the way of his flames and looked to the right hearing people shouting a hero's name. And they're close. Cursing they look to find Dabi already about to make his escape, waving at them with a smirk.

        "Maybe next time, 'hero'.~" He mocked before disappearing into an alley, (F/n) considering going after him but knowing if they're caught, even if they helped catch a League of Villains member, they'd still be arrested and possible jail time. So escaping themselves they sigh, hiding and taking off their mask. Staring at it in their hand the vigilante goes and finds their bag hidden under some boxes behind a shop; slipping their clothes on over their suit (F/n) leaves quietly.

        Getting home (F/n) changes completely out of their suit, hiding it and going to the bathroom to check themselves over. Scars line their arms and they have one large mark down from their right eyebrow to the right corner of their lip. Touching them they sigh before going to find something to eat; sometimes they wonder why they wanted to become a vigilante. Sure, heroes don't have a glamorous lifestyle like they try to play off, but it would be better than hiding behind a mask hoping you won't be arrested at any moment for helping people.

        Sometimes, they even wonder about leaving the life, and going to join the League. But then again, (F/n) doesn't fully support their methods either. So stuck in a rut again the (brunette, blonde, etc) sighs and focuses on their TV.

[X][X][X] 

        Week after week (F/n) somehow kept on Dabi's trail, although after some time it almost felt like he was purposefully getting caught, like he was looking to face the anti-hero. And the more and more they'd have these encounters it started to show he wasn't taking the fights nearly as seriously as (F/n). He stopped attacking as much and seemed almost amused at their attempts to capture him. He'd egg them on with teasing or mocking, but once in a while their shell would nearly break and they'd stop to catch themselves.

        Things took a turn when he was suddenly outside their apartment door as they're getting home from grocery shopping one evening, and he saw them... Without their mask.

        "I happened to catch you coming home one day, just thought I'd give my little stalker a visit," he said, hands stuffed in his pockets and the ravenette standing straight and facing them. "Although can't say I'm not surprised you look different than expected." (F/n) stared at him in shock, as well as silence falling over them when they have nothing to respond. This was bad... This was very bad. They could try to run, but he's already attacked in the middle of streets of people before, so simply torching some apartments isn't something he wouldn't do. No, (F/n) has to play this smart, and getting an idea the vigilante realized something: Maybe they could get close to him and the League. Catching them off guard from the inside.

        "Heh, I'm the stalker here? I'm not the one showing up at someone else's house," (F/n) joked, putting on an act and smirking. It's just like the hard outer shell they wear, acting strong and unbreakable on the outside while very much soft and sweet on the inside. Approaching him they stepped past him and started unlocking their door. "And I'm not what you expected? What were you expecting?"

        "Well, can't even really tell you that. You're cuter than I was expecting," he replied, not commenting on the scars although he probably was the type to understand it wasn't an easy subject to discuss. But getting called that (F/n)'s cheeks lit up and they stopped looking at him taken aback. 

        "M-Me?? Cute?" That was something (F/n) was not used to hearing, too accustomed to getting referred to as a 'brawler' or 'stone faced'. And unfortunately this broke the shell they had, their normally poker faced expression a little flustered. He cocked a brow and snickered under his breath, rubbing his neck.

        "Oh wow, didn't think you'd react that way, but that was cute too," he teased, (F/n) growing more red and looking away. Lifting their hand trying to hide their face the vigilante shakily tried to get their key into the locks to get the door opened. With their hand trembling so much it's quite the task, but they freeze when he's suddenly behind them and takes their hand, helping them slip the key into the hole and get the door open. "Didn't expect you to be so soft underneath all that attitude, I'm actually kind of surprised you hide it so well," he comments, stepping into their home uninvited after them.

        "Get out," (F/n) snaps, glaring back at the ravenette. He doesn't look afraid, even as the (brunette, blonde, etc) glares, instead just looking around the place and acting calm the whole time. "What do you want? Or are you just here to gawk at my things?"

        "You're pretty fiesty, guess I like that too," he nonchalantly admits, (F/n) once again flustered and turning red. "I'm here to give an offer, since I like ya I decided to give it in person."

        The vigilante narrows their eyes suspiciously, arms crossed and furrowing their brows. An offer...? That can't be good. "Okay, what is it then?"

        He looks back to them and putting his hands into his pants pockets he simply answers,"Join the League of Villains."

        At first (F/n) is reasonably taken back, joining a group of extremely dangerous criminals is not what they were expecting for an offer, but scoffing they shake their head as their expression turns to an incredulous one. "You're out of your mind if you think I'll join you people. I may not see eye to eye with law enforcement most of the time but I'm not evil."

        Dabi stares at them, shaking his head, and sitting on a chair in their living room he replies,"I think you got the wrong idea about us, (F/n), see we're not exactly evil, just... Looking to get our points across-"

        "By kidnapping, stealing, murdering?"

        "-to show we're just looking to reform this broken society." He finishes, ignoring how they interrupted him. "We've done bad things, true, but... Have you ever thought about why we do them, or if we've dealt with the same level of shit?" He asks, his eyes sharp and (F/n) feeling weak for once under his cerulean gaze.

        "... To be honest, no, I just assumed you were all evil, I guess..."

        "Everyone assumes that. Let me ask, (F/n), where did you get your scars?" The question makes the normally tough anti-hero flinch and they rub their arm, trying to hide how uncomfortable they are discussing them.

        "Fights, mostly, some came from my past," they answer, not looking to go much more into it that. "... What about you?"

        "Mine are I guess you could say one of the main reasons I'm doing what I'm doing," he rubs his own arm, looking over the purplish hue of his arms. "Heroes today are all just fakes, and they don't care what they do to get that fame and money. You're telling me you've never thought this?"

        (F/n) is surprised, although doesn't ask further about what caused the scars lining his body, instead feeling sympathy for the villain. They can see the way he stares at the marks, a lot of pain hides in those wounds and in his eyes and they almost wonder what sort of hero would cause so much damage. They have a few ideas, but letting them go for now his question catches their attention immediately. (F/n) became what they are because of those reasons, so being asked it their face gives them away.

        "Even if you don't join, we can still help each other out," he continues after a few moments of silence. "Help us with info and whatever you can bring to the table, and I'll figure something out to pay you back."

        (F/n) feels uneasy about this, but they don't say no to the offer, needing more time to figure out what they want. The hero system is corrupt, they know this, it's full of problems, but helping people like the League... Is that the right course? Meeting Dabi's eyes they walk up to him as he stands and holds out their hand, the ravenette looking at it with a cocked brow.

        "For now, hold up your side of this, and I'll hold up mine," they tell him, Dabi losing his own aloof mask for a moment to look surprised but soon he smirks and takes their hand, shaking it.

        "I'll let the boss know then," he leans close to them and says, turning and heading for the door. (F/n) follows to lock it behind him but before they can shut the door he stops them saying,"Oh, but to seal this deal completely...." The (brunette, blonde, etc) is confused for only a second before their mind goes blank as lips meet theirs. The bottom is rough due to the scars; it deepens for a few moments before Dabi pulls back and leaves like nothing happened, hands stuffed in his pocket as he calls back,"I'll be in touch, 'hero'." 

        (F/n) meanwhile is frozen in place, face erupting in a blush before the vigilante slams the door and leans against it, heart beating fast and their hands pressing against their hot face. "Wh-What kind of a d-deal did I just make??!"

        From then on the two became friends, in a way. (F/n) assists the League when it's not anything overly illegal or over the top, and they come to help if (F/n) is hunting a criminal and having difficulties. Although as the group works with the vigilante Dabi has taken a specific interest in them, always managing to find some way to touch them, whether it be grabbing their hand, kissing them unexpectedly, or linking an arm around them. (F/n) tries to hide how much this affects them, but soon enough they're returning that same affection, even showing him their softer side by petting his hair, kissing his face like his nose or forehead, among other things. All in private. (F/n) is not risking it.

        Twice and Toga tease them, asking if they're a couple with how much they're together, and while it's never outright said the two share knowing glances, and (F/n) hides their face and ears.

[thewritingstar]

Sleepover Secrets

This is my first commission and its for the wonderful and the lovely @gytech !! Thank you so very much for trusting me to write such a cute and lovely fic for you. It means a lot and it was super fun to write. I hope you enjoy and like this piece!!!!! -Star

Pairing: Jiroumomo (Jirou x Yaoyorozu) 

Fandom: My Hero Academia 

Rating: General Audience 

Word Count: 4313

-------

Jirou closed her locker with a hard thud. She didn’t mean for it to be that loud but today's hero training lesson really shook her up. She thought she was getting better with her technical moves but she had been beaten in nearly every match today and all she wanted to do was lock herself in her dorm room and busted out her newest cd of a rock and roll band she had been dying to listen to too. That's all she wanted. 

“You were really strong out there today.” Of course Momo would complement her. She could see how flustered she was and now Jirou had to keep her face cool enough so the gorgeous goddess like figure that was Momo Yaoyorozu didn’t see the blush forming on her face. 

“Oh um thanks.You were amazing, naturally.” She smiled back. 

Yaoyorozu finished hanging up her outfit all nice and neat. It always made Jirou laugh as she would tuck her scarlet red suit inside her locker while Uraraka would simply cram hers into that small space before running to the bathroom to empty her stomach. Yikes. 

“So Jirou.” Momo trailed off. “Do you maybe want to have a sleepover? I overheard some of the boys talk about having their own and I thought I would like to give it a try.” 

A small laugh came out of Jirou’s mouth. “Give it a try?’ She was met with a simple nod as they both finished smoothing out the skirts of their uniforms. “Wait. Yaoyorozu, have you never been to a sleepover before?” 

The much taller girl turned bright pink as she began to pack up her things. Momo was one to get flustered or overthink everything constantly but this seemed more, embarrassed? She began to fiddle with her hair tie as she began to pull back her dark locks.

“It's not like I haven’t been invited to them as a child, I just don’t think that maids pampering the guests and I really count as the true experience, yeah know?” It was almost comical of how rich Momo was and how often her class forgot it. It made a little bit of sense that she hadn’t had the true experience, after all living in a mansion was kinda like a permanent fort. 

“Well luckily for you. I am an expert. I’ll turn my room into a kick ass pillow fort and we can watch movies and have snacks.” 

“Pillow fort?” She turned her head almost like a cute puppy dog who just got offered to go on a walk. 

Jirous smile fell. “ Please tell me-” Another shrug and slightly embarrassed smile. “Alright, that's okay, it will be better this way. More of a surprise. My rooms a bit small but we can probably squeeze some more girls-”

Momo held up her hand and looked around as the other girls were starting to head out. Her voice was much quieter this time as if she didn’t want the others to hear. 

“Actually. I was wondering if maybe it could just be us?” Momo asked shyly. 

No matter how hard she tried, Jirou would not be able to contain the flush of red that spread across her cheeks. She didn’t know why she was slightly panicking. They were friends, best friends even and have hung out alone many times before. They studied, listened to music and occasionally fell asleep on the common room couch together, but for some reason, Momo asking it to be just them felt different. It was odd and was bringing up feelings she wasn’t sure she could handle right now. 

“Oh yeah of course.” Deep breath in. And out. “How about tomorrow?” That should be enough time to emotionally prepare. 

The bell rang through the locker room signaling it was time for them to head to their next class. 

“I’ll bring snacks.” Momo said happily as she took her bag and headed out. 

Jirou smiled to herself while poking her ear jacks together. Behind her she heard a coo and a giggle. Her eyes widened as Mina was practically glowing from hearing other conversations. 

“You two are super cute!” The pink alien giggled which made her face redden further. “Don’t be such a bashful doll, Momo is super into you!” Mina always knew the drama and could sniff it out like a little piggy with truffles. Of course she had seen through her face. 

A small pain of sadness ran through her. “She's not-” Jirou frowned but dropped the subject. Mina could sense the shift in mood and laced her arm through hers as they began to walk to English. 

“Well you still want to give her the best slumber party ever. I’ll help you set up tomorrow.” 

“Thanks Mina.” 

--

It was Saturday which meant no school and most importantly, the smartest and cutest girl would be coming over to spend the night. Jirou was bright and early to make sure she turned her room into a pillow wonderland. She began by stripping her bed clean and pulling all the extra blankets and pillows she had. 

The pile of supplies seemed small and weak. She remembers being able to create amazing forts with her cousins back home. The hallways would be lined with chairs as sheets were stretched and taped on while they crawled underneath. 

But now this was just plain sad. How was she supposed to impress her with just four blankets and five pillows? She couldn’t. 

A knock from her door interrupted her thoughts and she opened it while rubbing her eyes. “Mina.” She had almost forgotten that her friend offered to help her and with the way things were going, she was relieved to see the extra support. 

The bubbly girl, honestly who has this much energy in the morning? Came bouncing in with her hands full of blankets followed by a mound of pillows being carried by Hagakure. Another stack of blankets had fallen into the floor as Tsuyu dropped them off. 

“We are ready to help you throw the most amazing pillow fort party ever! Sucks that we can’t come but nonetheless, we shall be your faithful helpers!” Mina cheered and the door shut as the four girls got to work trying to figure out the best way to configure this. 

After a few hours of planning, blankets falling, pillows being thrown, a whole box of juice boxes and instruments being smacked down from the walls then shoved into her closet, the maze that was now a pillow fort was complete. 

The girls stood back and admired their work. A low whistle came from Mina as she patted Jirou on the back. “She’s going to love this!” Tsyu said as they began to leave just in time for the queen herself to arrive. 

Jirou sat in her new arranged room on the floor waiting and the realization that she was about to have the prettiest girl in her room by herself was kicking in. 

“What if she doesn’t like it?” Her eyes widened. “What if she doesn’t have fun and wants to leave?” All these thoughts began to corrupt her mind as she was playing out the worst case scenario. 

A polite knock at the door came and she picked her head up from her knees. She crawled through the massive fort, as massive as it can be in this cramped dorm room and answered the door. 

“Hey.” Momo said with a bright and beautiful smile. She was wearing a simple tank top and bottom set but Jirou knew it was made from imported silk. The light pink looked really good on her skin and she had to stop herself from checking out her best friend. Her dark long hair was falling freely on her shoulders. It was rare for her to not have her hair up but Jirou thought she looked really pretty with it down. 

She looked down at her own outfit. An over sized hoodie with her favorite bands logo and black fuzzy shorts. 

“Come on in.” She said casually and moved down to the floor to crawl. Momo followed and soon they were sitting in the middle of the pillow fort. 

“Wow, this is amazing.” Momo looked around. It was such a simple concept but she adored the domestic feeling it provided. She was used to the finer things in life but moments like these made her wish she knew more about the freedom of playing than learning about business trades. 

Momo was in awe as she saw the layers of blankets being taped to the walls and hung from the furniture. There were pillows everywhere on the floor providing them with a mass amount of seating options and she couldn’t believe she had never done this before. 

“It's really not but I hope you will have a good time.”

“Any time with you is good.” 

Jirou swore she saw a dust of pink on Momos cheeks. It was faint but the hope of her feelings died quickly as the other girl turned and pulled some items out of her back. 

“I brought some snacks!.” She laid them in front of her as well as two very expensive looking tea cups. She almost didn't want to touch them. 

Momo pulled out a thermos and began to pour. “I decided to go with a green tea and raspberry blend, something light but full of flavor. It comes from Spain back when my family visited there and the family that grows the tea leaves only makes ten batches a year because it's so hard to grow.” Momo stated and Jirou laughed as the dark red liquid filled the cup. 

Momo opened a small tin of cookies which she informed her were from Scotland and an assortment of chocolates and mixed nuts that came all the way from Belgium and different regions of South america. 

“Sorry if it's not enough.” she shuddered as Jirou bit into one of the chocolates and almost moaned at how creamy and delectable the taste was. 

“Are you kidding? These are amazing.” She said as she popped another in her mouth. “I only have some chips from the kitchen and you brought the entire world into my room.” 

A giggle came from Momo's mouth as she took a sip from her tea. Even in her pajamas, she still looked fancy.  “So lovely host, what are the activities for tonight?” 

“Well my lovely guest.” Momo laughed at this. “I thought maybe a movie or show, some card games, possibly a pillow fight if we don't take this all down with us and of course some gossip and girl talk. No particular order.” 

“Let's start with a card game.” Momo clapped her hands together before rummaging through her bag and pulling out a brand new set of cards. “I made these yesterday! I’ve been practicing on simple items and I hope they have the same texture as a regular set.” 

Jirou took the deck and began to shuffle. They looked like regular cards and had the same lightness as well. She always became amazed whenever she witnessed her quirk in action. She began throwing the cards back and forth until they had a good amount then set the rest in the middle. 

“Alright Yaoyorozu. Got any 2’s?” Jirou asked and a competitive game of Go Fish broke out.

After about six rounds of Go Fish, which Momo complained she only won two games and an unsuccessful round of Poker on Jirou’s part, the deck was tossed back into Momo’s fancy bag and ready for another time. 

“Whats next?” Momo asked and Jirou shrugged. 

“Your choice.” She gestured to her laptop that was ready to stream a movie, all the pillows and even a few coloring books that Mina had brought her. 

Momo thought for a second before looking around. “It might be a little too early for a movie.” The sun was beginning to set and Jirou agreed. 

“So what are you thinking?” She leaned back on her elbows and watched Momo’s ‘thinking’ face appear. 

Her eyes widened with a spark as a grin appeared. She crawled through the small opening on the other side. Jirou popped in another chocolate candy as Momo had disappeared, she could see her shadows moving and heard a bit of movement. 

“You know what I’ve always wanted to see?” Momo called out and even though it was a small room, it felt like she was miles apart from her. 

“What's that?” Jirou answered as she ate another one. Gosh these were amazing. 

Momo's head popped back into the fort and she scooted backwards towards her as she held something in her hands. 

“Oh come on.” Jirou laughed as she wiped her fingers clean. “Really?” She smiled as she took the acoustic guitar from her. 

“I’ve always wanted to see you play. Ever since the room tour I've been intrigued by your musical talents.” 

Jirou never thought that being able to play an instrument was something super special. Anyone could really do it and it wasn’t exactly the hardest thing to learn. The fact that Momo sat tapping her fingers in anticipation waiting for her to play and actually wanting to hear her meant a lot. 

She began to tune the guitar. She hadn’t played this particular one in awhile and she was thankful that she had soundproofed her room so that none of the other girls would hear her practically serenading Momo. The familiar strum of the guitar string brought her back to the days she would sit in her backyard and practice. She had always had a soft spot with the instrument. It felt the most personal and could help convey her feelings better than her other instruments could. 

“Any particular song?” She asked and Momo looked up and tapped her chin. 

“What about an original?” 

That wasn’t what she expected. It took her back as she nervously strummed. She wanted to protest and tell her that she doesn’t write her own songs which would be a lie because mom has caught her writing before. 

“Maybe the one you wrote in the park?” Momo added. 

Jirou has written many songs before, most rock and roll songs and occasional pop songs but that one, that particular one was a love song. The only one she had written. She didn’t know that Momo was standing behind her that day as she was busy scribbling down her thoughts. 

“I didn’t know you knew about that.” Jirou muttered as she hugged the guitar close to her chest. She was nervous to sing the song. It was personally and she was scared that momo would realize it was about her. But she shook off that thought and Momo settled down and stared at her like she was the most important thing. 

She began playing the song, the words flowing along like a river. She kept her eyes shut as she played and began to lose herself in the song. If she wasn’t striving to be a hero, she probably would have studied music instead. The thought of writing songs for someone or performing them herself was something she had always dreamed of doing. Maybe once she becomes a professional hero, she might also part time as a musician. 

She ended the song and opened her eyes. She was met with a small round of applause from Mom who looked like she genuinely enjoyed the performance. 

“That was beautiful.” She commended her and Jirou brushed back a piece of hair before setting her guitar behind her. 

“Thank you.” She replied. “I’ve never played any of my songs for anyone before.” 

“Well thank you for letting me be the first one then.” 

Jirou found herself blushing more today then she has in her entire life. She grabbed her laptop before flipping it open. “Movie time?” She asked as she tried to calm her rapidly beating heart. 

“Sounds good.” 

--

The movie ended and the girls decided to sit in a comfortable silence as they checked their phones. Mina had been texting her, asking her how it was going and telling her to relax. She turned off her phone before relaxing again and just enjoying the presence of her friend. 

“Who do you think would win in a fight? Denki or a jellyfish?” Jirou asked and Momo let out a  loud laugh and covered her mouth. 

“Denki.” Momo stated. And Jirou giggled. 

“I’d pick the jellyfish.” 

“That’s so mean!” But she continued to laugh anyways. 

“No different then when you asked if Kirishima could beat a shark.”

“Which I think he can.” Momo added and their giggle faded off. 

Jirou laid on her back facing the makeshift ceiling of the blankets and somehow began to count the number of dots on the pink blanket. Next to her was Momo who was laying on her side, finger toying with the frizz of the carpet. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Momo said out of the blue. Her tone was different from the previous rounds of asking. It was soft and hesitant as if she was running it over and over in her mind. 

“Yeah of course.” Jirou responded but never took her eyes off the blanket. So far she had counted twenty six dots. 

“Why didn't you go out with Denki?” 

She stopped counting and felt her body tense up. “I know he really liked you and you two seem like such good friends that I was surprised when you turned him down.” She continued. 

Jirou felt the fears she desperately wanted to avoid surface and she tried to keep counting. She was at thirty seven now. 

“ I liked someone else.” She said honestly and she heard Momo hum beside her. “Why do you ask?” She was met with silence. She took a chance and rolled on her side to face her. 

She was met with a pair of eyes that seemed to hold an uncertainty as she looked at her. Momo's mouth was slightly parted open as if she wanted to say something but she didn’t trust herself. A silent tension was formed as the pair looked at each other. 

“Jirou can I tell you a secret?” She asked and the other girl swore they could see tears forming in her eyes. 

She felt worried seeing her friend like that and moved closer. “Of course.” 

“Promise me whatever I say you will still be my friend?” Her eyes were now boring into hers. Almost like a plea. 

“Momo, you can tell me anything.” Her voice was softer than anything Momo has heard before. 

She turned her head and a single tear slipped down her cheek. “I’m gay.” Her voice was on the verge of breaking and she was terrified to look back at Jirou. She was scared that she would yell and be ashamed to be her friend or be mad for not telling her sooner. That fear of rejection played over and over in her mind and she was afraid that she made a giant mistake. 

Instead she was pulled into a hug. Her arms immediately tightened around her frame as the other whispered how proud she was into her ears and she finally let all the tension and fears flow free in tears. 

“Momo.” She pulled away and looked at her. “I will always be your friend, you never have to worry about that. You being gay wouldn’t make me care for you any less, plus I’m bisexual so I understand your fear of coming out. It can be scary but hey, I'm here for you.” 

Momo wiped her tears away and her lips curled up. 

 “Are you okay?” 

Momo only nodded. “Yes.” She took in another deep breath, calming herself down. 

“Can I tell you a secret now?” Jirous said cautiously and Momo shook her head as the other girl began to lean in closer. “I was afraid to tell the person I liked how I felt.” 

“I don’t think you should be.” The other girl whispered. 

They were meant with another silence as their noses touched and their eyes met with a secret plea from each of them. A small smile appeared on Momos lips as she nodded and felt a soft pair of lips touch her own. It was hesitant and slow. Almost like testing the waters before diving straight in. She responded to the kiss and accepted it as she kissed the other girl back. 

Jirou felt tears wet her cheeks as arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her impossibly closer. There was a rush of excitement as their lips parted and they each caught their own breaths. 

“Wow.” Momo whispered and Jirou nodded. 

“Wow indeed.” She laughed. 

“Want to know something else?” Jirou turned her head. “That song was about you.” 

“You, you wrote a song about me?” She asked and before she could respond, Jirou was pulled into another hug. “That makes it even more amazing.” 

They each could barely contain their smiles until Jirou suggested that they watched another movie. Their fingers slowly entered as the movie played and every so often one of them would kiss the other girl's cheek, making them blush profusely. 

Of course they had chosen a romantic love story and normally that wasn’t Jirous type of movie, she preferred action or even musicals, but as she watched the two characters fall in love on screen, she wouldn’t have chosen anything else. 

It was well late into the night as the credits began to roll and a yawn escaped both of their lips. They fluffed their pillows before laying their heads down and faced each other. Momo brushed a piece of hair out of Jirous face and kissed her hand. 

“I’m really happy you invited me over.” She said quietly. 

“Me too.” 

----

The sun came shining in and even with the mass amounts of blankets blocking the light, Jirou woke to a bright room. She rubbed at her eyes and looked to see a snoozing Momo. Even in her sleep she looked perfect as she hand her hands under her head and lips pushed slightly out. She reminded her of a sleeping princess, of course Momo was delicate and refined in every way of her life and it made jirou laugh a little making sleeping beauty flutter her eyes open. 

“Good morning.” Momo smiled at her. She sat up and rubbed away the sleep before stretching her arms out and tried to not knock the blankets down. They were both thankful her hair was down because her massive ponytail would have taken the fort down the moment she got in. 

Jirou grabbed her phone before looking at the time. “Wanna grab coffee?” She asked and Momo nodded quickly. They locked eyes for a second before the memories of last night came flooding back. 

A blush spread on Jirous cheek as she remembered their kiss and soon she felt those plush lips on the corner of her mouth. “You are so cute when you turn pink.” She barely heard Momo as her brain was trying to register what was happening. 

She grabbed the tips of her ear jacks and began tapping them together, a nervous trait she's had since she was a child but Momo thought it was quite adorable. “Um Yaoyorozu?” She asked. “Are we-”

“Oh.” Momo understood immediately. She picked up a brush and began to comb the ends of her hair. “I mean, I would love to. As long as you do that is?”

“Yes!” Jirou said maybe a little too fast for her own liking. “Coffee at ten?” She said before being met with a nod. 

Momo leaned in and kissed her again and jirou swore she saw stars. She never thought that all this mushy and gushy romance stuff would be up her ally but she was finding herself enjoying it with each press of the lips and the giggles that followed. 

Momo grabbed her bag before leaving to get dressed. “See you then.” She winked. 

Jirou heard the door close and grabbed her pillow before doing a mix of a scream and a cheer into it. She never felt this light and happy before and maybe she was still on the first kiss bliss from last night but she never wanted that feeling to go away. 

She got up and began to get ready, making sure she looked decent enough for her girlfriend. Girlfriend. The thought of holding her hands on their way to class and going on dates while they tell each other all their secrets and stories from their childhoods made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

She finished lacing her shoe before grabbing her phone and leaving her dorm room. 

“So how’d it go?” Mina had bombarded her right as she closed her door. 

Jirou couldn’t contain her smile as they walked down to the common room and told her everything, well mostly everything that happened. They entered the elevator and she swore Mina’s screech of joy could be heard all the way across campus and she made her calm down before the doors opened. 

They found the other girls sitting around a table and Momo was sitting next to an empty chair. Jirou sat next to her and Tsuyu smiled. 

“So Yaoyorozu, how was your first pillow fort sleepover?” The frog hero asked and Jirou could see her holding back a wide smile. 

“Amazing.” She said before pecking Jirou’s cheek with a kiss making the girl turn beet red. 

The other girls began to congratulate them and swoon over the fact that they were gonna be the cutest couple ever. Jirou met Momo’s beautiful brown eyes as they shared their own private moment and wrapped their fingers together. 

“Best sleepover ever.” Jirou whispered to herself as she joined back into the conversation. 

“Okay who would win in a fight? Bakugou or Godzilla?” Mina said as the table busted out laughing. 

--

I hope you enjoyed this! It was a pleasure writing and working with you!

Commission info here

[softweebqueen]

3 AM (Part Five)

~ I bet you guys thought I was never going to post any more content. Well, here I am with a big serving of feelings. This is brought to you by my brand new editor/proofreader/friend @megakawaiicuddles. I love them with all of my heart for all the help they gave me willingly. ~

Part One ~ Two ~ Three ~ Four ~

You returned back to the dorms a week after you spoke to Bakugou and Todoroki for the last time. Class, however, was a different story. For the first two weeks back, you were practically on house arrest. Well, more like dorm arrest. You were unable to do much by yourself so while everyone was at school, you spent your time in your dorm. You were grateful when you were finally allowed to go back to class even if you had to be pushed around in a wheelchair by your friends. 

Ochako and Iida were your saviors. They helped you with almost everything, including pushing you around in the wheelchair. You appreciated all of their help yet you felt awful for being such a burden. Even now as you sat in the common area with the two of them, who were helping you catch up on your missed classes. You couldn’t shake the feeling that it was bothersome for them to be using their person time to help you study - surely, they had to have had much better things to do.

Training was probably what you missed the most. You wouldn’t be able to train for a while with a cast on your leg. In fact, you could barely move on your own. You had to rely on someone to push you in a wheelchair if you didn’t want to take twenty minutes to get somewhere. Your arm was still weak from being broken in multiple places, so pushing yourself around was tedious. You’ve been trying to switch to crutches but it’s taking a lot longer than you thought it would. Due to your lack of mobility, all you could do was sit and watch as everyone else trained. You wanted to be out there, sparring with your classmates. You wanted to spar with Bakugou like you used to, though you wouldn’t admit that to his face. 

“Tenyaa..” You whined and tossed your pencil onto the table in front of you, “Please, just let me copy it. This is actual torture.” At first, you didn’t mind when he said he would help you instead of just letting you copy his work. Now, you just want to get it over with. You had already asked, well, begged him to change his mind. It would be easier for both of you and until he caved, you would continue to annoy him. There was always the option of annoying him so much that he would leave so you could copy Ochako’s. Usually, you wouldn’t be one to copy someone else’s work, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“That’s it.” Iida let out an exasperated sigh as he closed his textbook. “Until you decide that you actually want to be a good student and do your own work, I’m not helping you.” he said, as he got up from his spot and began to gather his papers and books. If there was one thing that pushed his buttons, it had to be a slacking student who didn’t uphold his standards of what a model student at U.A. should be. You glanced at Ochako with a devilish grin. She was trying her best to suppress her giggles as he walked away. She slowly slid her notes to you as soon as he was out of sight. 

“I’m going to take a snack break, do you want anything?” Ochako has been your number one helper since you got back. You love Iida and his help but there’s only so much a boy can do for you. You shake your head to answer her question. Your attention was on her notes and trying to copy them. You hated how behind you were but still, you were unable to focus on anything. Your mind would wander most of the time. Well, almost all the time. Thoughts of spending time with Shoto ran through your head. You really missed being around him. Of course, you were still mad at him yet you couldn’t help but ache for his presence. You had spent so much time with him that it was hard to go without talking to him. There was also the fact that you craved to finish your conversation with Bakugou that started at the hospital. You wanted to get closer to him even if he did push your buttons. 

There was just something about the hot-headed boy that enticed you. You know you had serious feelings for Shoto but Bakugou was increasingly finding his way into your thoughts recently. You were being torn apart by these boys. Shoto was always so sweet and being around him gave you butterflies. You thought that spending time with him made you happy however looking back at it now, you’ve come to realize that there had been many times when he has made you cry and feel awful. You loved him because he was just like you. Maybe that’s not what you need though. 

On the other hand, Bakugou pissed you off when he was around you but yet, he would make your heart would skip a beat. When your name rolls off his lips, your heart immediately melts. The two of you never spent much alone time together but whenever you would train with him, it felt like you were the only two people in the world. The other good thing about him was that you knew exactly how he felt. He didn’t actually hate you, he just didn’t know how to deal with his feelings for you. You thought you had gotten over your feelings for him but when he said that he loves you, every single emotion ran through your body. All of your feelings for him rushed right back to your heart. 

“_________, can we talk? For just a moment.” The low voice was familiar to your ears. You had heard him speak to you a thousand times before. 

“I’m listening…” Your eyes focusing on the notes strewn about on the table. You were unable to look at the boy who was standing at your side. “But don’t waste my time.” 

“I don’t know what I did to piss you off…” Shoto sat down next to you, fidgeting with his hands. How he didn’t know what pissed you off astonished you. “But I’m really sorry. I miss you. So will you at least tell me what I did so I can fix it?”  

“You can’t be sorry if you don’t know what you did.” You tossed your pen onto the table. You didn’t dare look at him out of fear that you would start crying. You’d cry because you really did miss him. Because he was still managing to piss you off. Because his eyes would pull you in and make you forget why you were even mad in the first place. 

“Then tell me what I did wrong.” 

“No. Come talk to me when you figure it out for yourself.” Your voice cracked as you spoke. You were getting frustrated with him. To make matters even worse, he grabbed your face and forced you to look at him.

“I miss you. I miss having you around. I miss hearing your voice. I miss having someone to talk to. I miss everything about you. I can’t handle you ignoring me anymore. Just tell me what I did wrong so I can get you to stop ignoring me.” His hands slowly dropped to your lap, taking your hands in his own. It felt wrong to have his soft hands holding yours. It felt wrong to be sitting here alone with him. Everything felt wrong.  

  “Am I just a play toy to you? Is that why you think you can screw around with my emotions? Is that why you think you get a say in who I talk to? Who I see? Do you think you can just claim me as your own without my permission? Do you think it’s fun to watch me fall for you, only to have you continuously break my heart?

“______ what the hell are you talking about? You’re acting delusional right now.” 

“That day while I was in the hospital, you told Bakugou that I was yours. You told him to never speak to me or see me ever again. You have no right to claim me as yours. I am not a toy that someone gets to claim. I am my own person. I choose who I get to see, who I talk to. I can spend my time with whoever I want, wherever and whenever I want.” 

“You can’t really be upset about that… Whatever. I’m sorry. I was jealous. I wanted to be there for you but you only wanted to see him.” 

“You know why I wanted to see him? Because he saved my life, dumbass. Is it not okay for me to thank someone who saves me? And you jealous? You don’t deserve to be jealous about me spending time with another guy. Not if we’re just friends.” 

“We are not just friends and you know it.” 

“Then what are we? Please tell me because I really want to know. Right now, it seems to me like you don’t care about being more than a friend. Anytime I would try to bring it up, you’d change the subject. Then for the next few days, you’d act like I didn’t exist. You are literally so confusing. You treat me like a queen and spend all your time with me one day and the next, it’s like I’m the plague.” You were struggling to hold back your tears as you studied Shoto’s face for any sort of emotion. His expression stayed flat and he didn’t say a thing. That was the only answer you needed. It was the same as always. At any mention of the two of you being more than friends, he’d shut himself off from you or make an excuse so he could leave. “Shoto, I can’t do this. Not anymore. I love you and it’s hurting me. Being your friend is hurting me. I think it’s best that we don’t talk to each other for a while. At least until you can give me a straight answer and decide what you want. Hopefully, by then, I’ll sort out my own thoughts about you.” 

“I can’t be more than friends with you… But don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.” Shoto reached out to grab your hand but was stopped when Ochako grabbed his shoulder. He glanced up at her. His eyes narrowing in a glare when she shook her head. 

“You should go. Now.” Ochako’s voice was gentle but Shoto listened to her. He got up and left without a single word to you. She took his spot, resting a hand on your knee. Her touch made the tears that were welling up in your eyes to finally fall down your cheeks. “_____, I know that was hard but it was probably for the best.” Her arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a tight hug. She held you tight as your tears fell onto her shoulder. 

“I want to go to my room.” Your body shook as you tried to hold back the sobs. You pulled away from her hug to grab your crutches but they had been moved to the other side of the room. “Help me.” You whispered and looked down at your lap. Ochako sighed softly before getting up to get your crutches for you. You weren’t sure if you would even be able to make it to your room in the state that you are in. You could barely see due to the tears and your body shook from holding back sobs. On top of that, you were still unsteady on the crutches. Before Ochako had the chance to bring you your crutches, you were scooped up by a pair of strong arms. You didn’t have the chance to look at their face but the sweet familiar scent of caramel filled your nose. You buried your face into his chest. A few sobs finally escaping your lips the second your face was hidden.  

You were still mad at him nevertheless his presence was comforting. You were even thankful for him carrying you to your room. When he laid you on your bed, a whimper left your lips. The cold air was a shock to your warm skin when he stole back his warmth by putting you down. He pulled your blanket over you to keep you warm before sitting on the edge of your bed. While you appreciate him being here for you, you couldn’t bring yourself to face him. You kept your body turned away from him to hide your red puffy face and tears. Your mind was racing. All you could think about was Shoto. 

You could only think about how he broke your heart. You put so much time and effort into him only for him to continue to reject you. Even after he acted like he was your boyfriend, he didn’t care to be anything but friends. He kissed you, held your hand, took you on dates and got jealous over Bakugou so why couldn’t he be more than your friend? Your relationship with him was so confusing. Sometimes you were friends. Sometimes you were more than friends. One minute he’d be showering you with affection, the next he wouldn’t dare hold your hand. He loved you when it was convenient for him. You couldn’t keep chasing after the boy who couldn’t make up his mind. It was going to hurt you more than cutting him off. 

Though you hated to cry in front of people, you couldn’t hold back the sobs that kept slipping past your lips. Your throat ached from trying to hold back your tears. The lump in your throat made it almost impossible to breathe. This past month has been hell for you. Everything that could go wrong was going absolutely wrong. You didn’t get time to recover from the last incident before you were hit with another once again. You were slowly being torn apart. 

“Hey, you don’t have to be afraid to cry in front of me.” Bakugou’s fingers ran through your hair, smoothing it down. His touch broke down the wall that you had built up. The dam that held back all of your tears. You began to cry harder than you’ve ever cried in your life. You cried because your body was broken. Because your mind was an utter mess. Because of how stressed you were from all the catching up you had to do. Because anytime you would close your eyes to sleep, you’d be woken up by nightmares full of your bones being snapped in half. Because you felt like a burden to all of your friends. Violent sobs shook your entire body as hot tears streamed down your red puffy cheeks. 

Bakugou had no idea someone could physically cry this much. It broke his heart. This was almost as bad as the night you were put in the hospital. He couldn’t do anything then and he can’t do anything now. Dealing with emotions like this, or any emotion, was not his forte. He did what he thought would help. He laid down next to your shaking body, pulling your body close to his own. His hands rubbed gentle circles on your back as you began to calm down. He was a little shocked when you turned to face him. Tears were still streaming down your cheeks from your red puffy eyes. 

“You’re a fucking mess,” He cupped your cheeks in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. “And you’re kind of disgusting right now. Like do you not realize that you have snot all over your face?” You probably would have kicked him out if he hadn’t continued. “I hate seeing you like this. But you’re being really stupid right now. Why are you even crying? He doesn’t care so why are you wasting your time being sad? Are you really going to let him ruin your day? You’re smarter than that.” A smile formed on his lips when he noticed that you were crying anymore. “Now suck it up and show me the real ______. The stubborn, snotty girl that I know. The one who doesn’t give a damn about if a boy likes her or not.” 

You used your sleeve to wipe your eyes, sniffling a few times before you spoke. “You’re right. I am being stupid but it really hurt.” Your voice was hoarse and quiet. It was painful to speak and you were worn out. Everything hurt. Your eyes, your chest, your broken limbs, and your head ached. You closed your eyes with a deep sigh. All you wanted to do was sleep. You had no desire to deal with anything more. 

“You’ll get over it. For now, go to sleep.” Bakugou pulled you as close as he could to his body. You buried your face into his chest, taking in the sweet smell of caramel. His warmth and the way he rubbed soothing circles on your back was enough to put you to sleep. However it was a peaceful sleep, nothing like you had been experiencing for the past month. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Being pushed off the bed on to the floor is the worst way to wake up. Anyone would be upset by it but when Bakugou realized he wasn’t in his own room, or on his own floor rather, he kept in his anger. He hadn’t planned on spending the night in your room but it just sort of happened. His eyes traveled to your sleeping face as he sat up. He studied your face for a moment. You looked so peaceful as you laid there. It was pleasant to see you so calm. He slowly reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. When you didn’t even flinch, he figured you weren’t going to wake up for a while. Taking this as an opportunity to check out your room, he pulled his self to his feet. Your room was as simple as he thought it would be. You didn’t have much besides the huge bookcase that lined the wall and the pile of books on your desk. His fingers brushed across the spines of the books which looked like they had been read the most. He couldn’t help but find your nerdiness a little bit cute. He just loved how passionate you were about books. He pulled a book from its spot on the shelf. The pages were worn out from being turned over and over again. 

His attention shifted towards you when he heard you yawn. You were sitting up in your bed with a blanket draped over your shoulders. Your hair was a disaster, standing up all over the place. Bakugou didn’t even mind that you were watching him snoop around because you looked so adorable. 

“Katsuki… I need my crutches.” You rubbed your eyes, making his heartbeat quicken. How someone could be as cute as you are astonished him. “You left them downstairs. I need them so I can get up. Please.” 

“Oh yeah… I’ll be right back.” He muttered and slid your book back into its place. Right now, he was beating himself for leaving them downstairs. It would have been fine if he hadn’t slept in your room with you but he did. So now he has to sneak out of your room without being spotted by any of your floormates. He would just have to book it to the elevator and hope that no one was in it. His plan, however, no matter how good he thought it was, failed horribly. He didn’t really plan on people being in the hall. So when he stepped out of your room and took off towards the elevator, he was shocked when he ran straight into Ochako and Mina. He knocked both girls onto their asses causing the things they were carrying to clatter to the floor.

“Watch where you’re g-” Mina looked up at the ash-blonde who was towering over them. “What the hell are you doing up here so early in the morning?” She raised her eyebrow questioningly, a grin threatening to form on her lips.

“Well that’s none of your damn business now is it?” He folded his arms across his chest. His eyes moving to the pair of crutches that Ochako was picking up from the floor. Had they really gone all the way downstairs just for your crutches? He turned back to Mina, just now noticing that she was covered in food. “What are you guys doing?” 

“Well, we were bringing _______ some breakfast and her crutches. That was until you ran into us.” Ochako sighed and helped Mina up, brushing the food off of her. “However we should be the ones asking you what you are doing up here. This is the girls’ hall and you’re never up this early. So, I’m going to guess you took advantage of her broken heart and slept with her.” 

“Tch. It wasn’t like that at all. Yes, I spent the night with her but nothing happened.” Bakugou huffed and rolled his eyes. He could see it written across the pink girl’s face just how much shock and excitement she was trying to contain. He knew what the situation alluded to but thought it was ridiculous if it sparked that much interest. All Bakuguo hoped for is that something like this wouldn’t end up being the talk of the class. “If either of you say anything to anyone, I will end you.” He glared at them and snatched your crutches out of Ochako’s grasp. He turned his back to them and made his way back to your room. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bakugou had thought he gotten away with only those two girls knowing but he was very wrong. He noticed that everyone was staring at him during class but he waved it off as jealousy. After he yelled at the whole lot of them, no one dared to say a thing to him. At lunch, his suspicions began to rise more every time that damn red-haired extra would nudge him when he’d glance over at you. It finally hit him in the face while everyone was training. His eyes had been focused on you rather than watching his classmates sparring. It was obvious that you had been crying earlier but you were hiding your face behind a book. He was trying his best to figure out if you were still crying until Mineta elbowed him roughly, snapping him out of his thoughts. His head adjusted to look at the class pervert. 

“How is it sleeping with a broken girl? Did you go easy on her? She looks a little rough today.” Mineta’s words lit a fire in Bakugou. Without even thinking about, he punched the small boy square in the face. The whole class stopped what they were doing to look at the source of the shriek of pain. It was loud enough for even you to look up from your book. Not a single person dared to say anything. No one even moved to help the smaller boy. 

“I don’t ever want to hear or see you thinking about anything like that, anything involving her.” Bakugou held Mineta up by the collar of his shirt. He didn’t give a damn that Mineta’s nose was gushing out blood everywhere. He was going to teach him a lesson about respecting women. However, Aizawa stepped in before any serious damage could be done. No one mentioned the incident or asked Bakugou questions for the rest of the school day. Most of them were afraid they would end up like Mineta. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bakugou sat in the common area along with the rest of the Class 1-A boys. Though everyone sat in their own personal groups, they were all still close enough to hear each other’s conversations if any of them had been talking. The air was thick as they sat there in silence. Everyone was scared to mention what was on all of their minds. They prayed that the girls would come to get them for dinner soon so they could be free of this awkwardness.   

“Bakugou, did you actually sleep with _______?” Kirishima’s curiosity got the best of him. He had to break the silence just so he could know the answer. All of the boys including Shoto turned their heads to see Bakugou’s reaction. 

“Tch. As if.” He spent the night in your room, yes. But slept with you, no. Bakugou leaned back on the couch, crossing his arms across his chest and closing his eyes. “I spent the night in her room but nothing more happened. You guys are just pervs.” He could feel the intense stare of Shoto which only fueled his fire more. Every single boy in the room had questions but before anything could be asked, Mina pranced into the room. You hobbled in behind her on the crutches that you were still unsteady on.

“Time for dinner!” Mina twirled around as her sing-song voice filled the room. She pointed towards you, waiting for you to lay down the law. 

“But before any of you are allowed to eat, you have to wash your nasty hands.” You sighed as the majority of the boys began a chaotic trip to the restrooms. You flashed a small smile at Bakugou before you hobbled into the kitchen again. Neither Bakugou or Shoto moved from their spots on the couch.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay away from her?” Shoto’s cool voice filled Bakugou’s ears. He remained nonchalant, not so much as bothering to make eye contact with him  

“You aren’t her dad nor do you own her. You broke her heart and she’s been crying ever since. So now the ball is in my court.” Bakugou stood up from his spot to face Shoto. “I don’t plan on breaking her heart.” He looked towards the kitchen where you were standing in the doorway before turning his attention back to Shoto. “I’ll make sure that she’ll forget all about you.”

~Tags: @queenoflevia , @moramortar , @snazzysickly , @thecryingsombra , @ileftthestoveon , @sinful-b1tch , @karlitabi-rrito , @xxsatansxcrushxx ~

~ I may have forgotten some tags but also I can’t read my own handwriting so I am so sorry. ~

[monstersandmaw]

Male hermit crab mer x reader (nsfw). Mermay story #3

Edit which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

Eep, sorry it's a bit later than I wanted, and it's technically not May any more, but I got sick, and I'm still writing those last few hand-written stories for you.

This story got a great reaction from my Patreon supporters, and he’s been a subject of discussion over on my Patreon discord server too! I’m really excited to introduce him to you folks now too!

***

To say that you’d needed money was an understatement.

You’d quit your job at the supermarket because of your arsehole manager, and your bank account was down to single digits as the start of the summer rolled by. You realised you had to do something before you starved to death and couldn’t make your rent. As if by divine providence, your eye caught an advertisement in the window of the local newsagent’s as you went to buy a pint of milk on evening.

Yours was one of the parts of the city that was less populated by humans and more by non-humans, and as such, you’d become a familiar face to the minotaur who ran the shop. With a soft smile, he watched you staring wistfully at the advert on the back of the door, and when you’d not moved for a good few minutes, he said in his big, deep, gentle voice, “You thinking of doing it?”

“Hmm? Oh…” you said, startling and glancing round at him before letting your eyes return to the poster.

With a picture of a wide sandy beach, the “Starfall Springs’ Summer Kids’ Activities Camp” was advertised in bold colours, promising ‘activities and games for all abilities, treasure hunts, learn to swim, surf, snorkel, and even ride, play a variety of games, music, and take part in story telling, basic survival and outdoor education courses, and art classes’.

“I’m not a kid,” you snorted playfully, and the minotaur laughed.

He flicked his white ear and said, “If you’re looking to get involved though, my cousin is running one of the outdoor classes and he’s one of the organisers. He said they’re kind of understaffed this year.”

“Oh man,” you groaned. “I could use the money, for sure, but I can’t teach swimming or bug hunting or whatever…”

“You could take the art classes, or just help out with some of the other activities?” he suggested. “I actually did it a couple of years ago, and it was really fun. They focus a lot on breaking down barriers between the species, and trying to get everyone involved. I think you’d be great at it. Let me give you my cousin’s number…”

He scribbled down a phone number and the name ‘Dane’, and handed it to you on a scrap of paper.

“Thanks,” you said, gratitude swelling inside you, and no small degree of hope.

With the final pay cheque that came in from your former job just in time, you payed your rent for the month and bought a ticket to Starfall Springs. You’d negotiated free accommodation in conversation with Dane, by agreeing to take on two more activities than would be normally expected of an employee. He actually agreed to pay you for the additional activities, so you were more than willing to do it. Dane seemed like a nice guy too, and he said he’d meet you at the train station and drive you over to the camp.

When you got there, you found a huge, white minotaur with a traditional ring through his black nose, wearing a baggy t-shirt and baggy football shorts, his massive hooves clopping noisily on the concrete of the station as he stepped forward to help you with your bag.

“Here, let me,” he grinned, holding out his other hand for you to shake it. “I’m Dane,” he added.

You introduced yourself and thanked him for his help.

“No problem!” he laughed, shouldering your massive sports bag as if it weighed nothing at all, and leading you out towards the station exit where a huge pickup truck waited in the sunny parking lot beyond. He set your bag down in the bed of the truck and opened the passenger door for you to climb in. “I need to do some food shopping on our way back; I hope you don’t mind? I thought maybe you could pick some stuff up for the week too…”

You nodded and settled in as he fired up the truck and drove from the station on the outskirts of the old town towards the centre. He explained where things were and pointed out some landmarks, and before you knew it, he’d pulled to a halt in the little car park at the back of the grocery store in the centre.

You followed the massive minotaur inside, his shock of thick, ice-white hair gleaming in the mid-afternoon sun, and the moment the quaint little bell above the door dinged at your entrance, he waved merrily at the gnoll behind the counter.

“Hiya, Sorrel,” he called and she beamed him a toothy grin. To your surprise, he introduced you as well, and added, “We managed to get ourselves another helper down at the beach camp.”

“Oh brilliant!” she said. “I’ll be bringing Ginger over for her first day tomorrow. She can’t wait to get involved in the sports, and honestly, the little scamp is climbing up the walls… I can’t wait for you lot to tire her out for me!”

You chuckled awkwardly, feeling a little knot of apprehension starting to form in your gut. You'd never done anything quite like this before, but you were pretty confident you would do alright. How hard could it be after all?

You knew that the camp provided lunch every day, but you’d have to get your own breakfast and supper, so you stocked up, and when you were both done, you and Dane headed over to the coast.

A gasp of awe and surprise left you as the pickup rumbled down the track and turned the corner to reveal the wide, sandy beach stretching out for miles before the softly lapping waves just kissed it at the shore. The tide was out, and wading birds dabbled at the far off tide line.

“Holy…” you breathed, and Dane chuckled.

The camp’s headquarters were set back from the beach itself, and it appeared to have been the old coastguards’ station before it had been converted into the activity centre. Not far off was a ramshackle old beach hut, rather larger than you were used to and painted in faded pastel colours which looked like the paint had seen one too many winters before being refreshed.

Outside the hut was the most remarkable merfolk creature you’d ever seen.

With a large, vivid orange shell that shimmered like mother of pearl, was what appeared to be ostensibly a hermit crab, except that he had the torso of a human man. His skin was pale, his body slim, and his hair was a brilliant, flaming red, tied up in a scruffy bun with sections flopping about in the stiff breeze that blew in off the distant sea. He seemed absorbed in the humble task of hanging shirts up to dry on a little washing line which was attached at one end to his wooden shack and at the other to a small pole driven into the sand a short distance away.

“Ah!” the white minotaur chuckled as he parked up and saw you staring at the hermit crab mer with astonishment written clear across your face. “That’d be Leo. He’s the camp organiser, and the one who started it all off five years ago.” Dane continued to watch your face and laughed again. “Never seen an arthropodal mer, I take it,” he snorted.

“No,” you said. “I haven’t. I didn’t even know that they existed… I mean… that’s really cool?”

“I’ll tell him you think he’s cool,” Dane said as he hopped out and closed the door. “He’ll love that.”

“Oh god, don’t embarrass me on my first day here…”

Dane’s booming laughter made the merman look up and tilt his head curiously to one side.

You saw as he turned that he had two pairs of rather chunky, armoured, articulated legs which supported most of the weight of his shell, and two larger, clawed legs which he used to propel himself forward. In the same way that a drider’s upper body began at the hips, so the ‘arthropodal’ crab-like mer’s human torso rose from the hips to reveal a lean upper body that made you want to bite your lip and look away. Or maybe just keep staring.

He waved and a broad, almost goofy grin split across his face. “Hey!” he called towards the pair of you.

“Alright?” Dane bellowed at him across the distance.

Leo nodded and then turned his gaze to you.

“You wanna go meet him now while I take the stuff into the house?” Dane asked, already with his huge hands around the handles of about six grocery bags.

“Um… sure?” you said.

Trotting down the little boardwalk path through the narrow, grassy dune, you felt a bit silly, but the movement burned off most of the adrenaline and by the time you’d reached him, you felt pretty confident. “Hi,” you said as he turned to face you, and you realised as he did that actually he was quite tall.

He stuck out his hand and grinned, revealing little dimples in his pale, immensely freckled cheeks, and, craning your neck up, you shook his hand. “I’m Leo,” he said. “You must be the extra helper that Dane said he’d managed to rustle up from the city?”

“Yeah,” you said, awkwardly tacking your name on the end.

Leo released his grip on you, and at that moment, his hair came loose from the bun and blew right across his face. The hair-tie fell to the sand a little way away, and as he swept his hair back off his sharply handsome face, you both bent to pick it up at the same time.

And inevitably, you cracked heads.

At the impact, you toppled backwards onto the hard sand, and he yipped in embarrassment, darting forwards. “Oh gosh!” he gasped. “I’m so sorry. Are you alright? Here…” and he held out his hand to you again. “I’m sorry,” he said.

As you laughed it off, rubbing your forehead, you looked up at him and saw that his pale skin had flushed a dark red, and that his rich brown eyes were shining almost to the point of tears. “It’s fine,” you said. “Really, I’m fine.”

“Let’s hope I’m less clumsy tomorrow,” he said. “I wouldn’t count on it though,” he added. “Ugh. Anyway, I should let you get settled in and stuff… you know.” The blush darkened even further, and you had to chuckle.

“Sure, ok. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said, deciding to cut the poor guy some slack. For what was essentially an armoured tank on legs, he seemed surprisingly awkward and shy.

He nodded and as you walked away and turned to glance back once you hit the sand dune, you saw him smack his own forehead with the palm of his hand and shake his head, muttering, “Idiot!”

You pursed your lips and suppressed a good-hearted snicker, heading into the former coastguards’ headquarters to unpack and start thinking about some supper.

Next day saw the arrival of the first groups of children, and before they got there, all the staff for the camp assembled over breakfast to talk through the last minute details which required attention.

You would be helping in the first week of activities with the children who wanted to learn to ride, and the four centaurs who had volunteered their services for the project told you what they’d need from you. As it turned out, they wouldn’t need much, just help with tacking them up and getting the kids sorted at the start and end of the hour long lesson. You’d be needed to put out cones and poles for them to walk around or over, but other than that, you got to sit on the side and watch for a while.

After that, you would be heading over to help Leo with some of the treasure hunt and beach activities.

Your first morning passed in a whirl of activity, but luckily none of the children fell off the centaurs, and you made a particular friendship with a very cheeky and very tiny Shetland centaur named Sinnavo. She pushed her bushy blonde hair out of her face at the end of the class, once her rider had dismounted and headed over to her next session, and hissed, “Bloody hell; that human was a right little shit!”

“So much for improving inter-species relations…” you muttered out of the corner of your mouth and she snorted in delight, pawing the ground.

“Yeah, right? Anyway, that’s me done for the day. Enjoy your afternoon, my lovely! And do me a favour?”

“Sure?”

“Count how many times Crabcakes over there blushes, will you?”

“‘Crabcakes?’” you asked, eyebrows skyrocketing as you followed her gaze to the hermit crab mer who was currently corralling children of all races and species into a tight bunch so he could explain the rules of the treasure hunt.

The tiny, sassy little centaur grinned. “Well, it was that or ‘Leonardo da Pinchy, but he really hates that one.”

“Oh my god,” you muttered, stifling laughter behind your hand as Leo looked up at you, a clipboard in his hands and a suddenly suspicious look on his handsome face.

As you said your goodbyes to her and headed over, he pouted. “She called me Crabcakes, didn’t she?”

“Maybe?”

Blush one.

He rolled his beautiful eyes. “She knows I hate that, but I call her ‘Haystack Hair’, so I guess we’re even.”

“Does none of the species here get along?” you asked, only half joking, and he laughed.

“She’s been helping out with the Summer Camp since the very beginning, and she’s one of my dearest friends. Don’t worry. It’s… It’s just this ongoing thing we have. Ignore it. And… please don’t call me Crabcakes.”

You crossed your fingers over your heart, and the grin you got from him in response was enough to stall its regular rhythm.

The more time you spent with him, the more fun you seemed to have.

As he worked with the much younger children, he became bubbly and animated, and all his awkward nerves seemed to melt away. It was a delight to watch him working with them, encouraging them, emboldening them, and making them laugh with his silly expressions and goofy behaviour. He was always supportive and attentive, but he brooked no nonsense either. The group you had towards the end of the week had a gnoll with cerebral palsy and a young lizardfolk child who needed a special beach wheelchair, but he made sure they were included in every activity, and from the looks on their faces as he took his time with them, you knew they were having the time of their lives.

Human children and half-bloods, avians and felines, orcs and werewolves, disabled or not, were all allowed to be themselves, and for the most part, everyone got along. It was amazing, and you’d never seen or heard of the likes back in the city, and it gave you a thrill that seemed to set the marrow of your bones alight every time you woke in the morning and got ready for a new day.

You had Friday afternoon off, and as the last of the children left, one writhing and screaming and begging to be allowed to stay for the next week, you saw Leo stagger slightly where he stood on the beach.

Frowning, you stood and went down to meet him. “You ok?” you asked.

He laughed nervously. His cheeks were now a little sunburnt, and you'd lost count of the blushes by Tuesday morning, but you thought he looked a little pale underneath the pinkish tinge. “I… I feel a bit squiffy, that’s all… I’m good. I think… I think I might need to eat something though. Or drink.”

“Too much sun? Maybe drink first then eat?” you suggested. “You stay put and I’ll grab you a lemonade and one of those seaweed and fish snacks.”

His answering smile was so sweet that you almost reached up and kissed him, but you stopped yourself in time. You didn’t know him all that well, despite hanging out almost every lunchtime. At the end of the day he was always the last one packing up and the last one to go home, but when he did, that was it. He seemed intensely private and quiet, valuing his alone time as much as the time he spent entertaining the kids in the Summer Camp.

And you admired that about him. He knew when he had reached his limits and, shy and retiring though he was, he was not afraid to say that he needed to head off and recharge. To your relief, the other camp staff respected that too, and wished him a goodnight, but you secretly wished each time that he’d stay for just a little longer, so that you could see him out of the context of the camp’s structure.

Returning with the drink and snack, you found that he’d made his way a little further down the sandy beach towards the shore, his shell leaving a deep furrow in the hard sand as it dragged behind him. You wondered suddenly if it was particularly burdensome for him.

“Leo?” you called and he stopped, just with his pointed, crablike toes dipped in the shallowest of the calm waves.

He turned, the wind tugging playfully at his auburn hair, and your feet faltered. He was beautiful, in an androgynous, fairytale kind of way. “Thank you,” he said, taking the bottle from you and draining half of it in one go. He looked at the snack and said in a slightly vague voice, “My favourite…”

You grinned. “I noticed you always pick them at lunch time,” you admitted.

He smiled and said, “Thank you. I’m… I’m…” and then he tailed off with a sigh, turning to look back at the sea without finishing his sentence.

“Leo?” you asked after a long pause.

With his crab legs as they were at the moment, he towered over you at maybe seven or even eight feet tall, and the only part of him that you could reach was the ‘shoulder’ of his crab’s body where it joined his human torso. He was wearing a plain red t-shirt that day and the breeze made it ripple softly, revealing the pale skin of his upper half every now and again.

As you touched him, he jumped slightly, and then laughed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m… I’m not very good with people…”

“I think you’re amazing,” you blurted. “I mean, you’re so good with all the kids and stuff, and they all loved the activities you organise…”

His smile was sad this time, and it made something crack inside you to see it on his handsome face which, until the end of the week’s activities, had so frequently been illuminated with his brilliant, happy laugh.

Leo swallowed nervously, turning the wrapped snack over in his hands without opening it, toying with it as if maybe you’d forget about him if he stayed like that long enough. Eventually, however, he huffed a shy laugh and said, “I mean… outside of that. I ‘get’ kids. I know how to make them happy. I know what to say to them. They’re simple. It’s the adults I don’t understand. I get…” he tucked his long hair behind his freckled ear and flushed. “I get nervous. I say stupid things…” He shot you a look and added, “I crack heads with them…”

You had to laugh, and at the sound of it, the nerves seemed to dissipate a little. “I think you’re doing just fine, Leo. And you get me, anyway. Although I’ve always been told I’m a bit of a child still…” you added playfully.

He laughed. “Thank you.”

“Listen, I know you tend to keep to yourself in the evenings, but are you coming to the barbecue tonight? Dane said it’s gonna be on the beach…”

Leo looked at you and licked his lips. “Are you going?”

You nodded.

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll come for a bit.”

Impulsively, you reached and took his hand, giving his fingers a squeeze before letting go and turning away. “Looking forward to it then,” you said as you left him in the waves to recharge a bit.

The torches which Dane had stuck into the sand flickered and blazed in the wind, and the tide, which had crept up the beach as the evening had slunk in, formed a beautiful backdrop to the party. The other camp staff were all there, from the centaurs to the drider and werewolf who had taken the outdoor and wildlife activities, to the naga who had led the more arty classes, and, lastly, Leo arrived just as the food was deemed ready.

He snuck in at the edge of the group and touched your shoulder lightly.

“Hey, you made it!” you grinned, and he nodded bashfully.

“Leo!” the naga yelled, raising his beer over the flickering flames in the pit at the centre of the ring of eclectic stools and stumps for sitting on.

“Hey,” Leo mumbled, and then to you he hissed, “Any second now, someone is going to make a ‘coming out of his shell’ comment, I bet you.”

“What do you bet me?” you countered playfully, and Leo blinked.

“What?”

“What are the stakes?”

“Uh…”

You chuckled and said quickly, “Ok, if someone says it, I’ll come for a walk with you along the beach to get you away from everyone. How does that sound?”

Before he could respond, the werewolf on the far side howled, “Look who's come out of his shell for the evening!”

And you and Leo burst out laughing, much to everyone’s surprise.

“You’re on,” Leo said. “Let me grab some food first, ok?”

You watched the strange way he moved, his heavy claws tugging his body and shell forwards, and a million questions burned in your mind: what did his body look like inside the shell? Did he ever leave his shell? Did he spend more time in the sea than on land normally? Did he have gills to breathe like other mer, or could he hold his breath like a selkie for ages? Where did he get a shell that big from?

You were still pondering your questions when he returned with a fish finger sandwich in one hand, and he cocked his head curiously in the way that he had which reminded you of a little puppy. “Everything alright?” he asked.

“I…” you faltered, and now it was your turn to be awkward. “I was just thinking, I guess…”

He snorted, the gesture accompanied by a lopsided smirk, and he said, “You’ll have to share some of those thoughts on our little walk, I suppose. Do you want to go now?”

“You don’t mind eating and walking at the same time?”

“Nope,” he said.

And without really excusing yourself from the milling group of other camp staff, the two of you headed down the beach together.

“So…” he said after a little while of walking in silence while he ate. “What got you so curious?”

“Oh…” you said. “I… I guess… I mean… I’ve lived in the city most of my life and while my two best friends are actually non-human, I… I’ve never actually met a merfolk before this week.”

He looked down at you and shrugged. “Makes sense. And you’ve got questions, right?”

“Yeah…” you muttered. “But I don’t know what’s, like, rude to ask or not.”

To your surprise, he barked a laugh, tossing his head back so that his long red hair fell down his back and caught in the wind. “Ask away. You can’t be more awkward than me, or even some of the kids for that matter. Unless it’s about my junk, I’ve probably heard it before from the kids.”

“Oh my god,” you blushed. “No, it’s not… I mean… I hadn’t thought about…” But you definitely had…

He raised an eyebrow at you, and in that moment you saw a whole new side to him. Mercifully, however, he let it lie.

You began your tirade of questions, and it turned out that his body under the shell was soft. Since his kind used the shells as protection, he had no need for armour plating like he had on his legs. Sometimes he did leave the shell, but mostly he had no need to.

When it came to asking about time spent on land or in the sea, he smiled wistfully. “I love the land,” he said. “Well, I mean, I love the beach. I’ve never actually been into town or anything.”

“Really?”

He grinned. “You try dragging this shell up the cliff path and see how far you get… and I’m not going without it…”

“Naked, you mean,” you laughed, and despite the way the moonlight washed most of the colour away, you could see the blush very clearly.

You paused, nearing a pile of rocks at the furthest end of the crescent shaped beach, and picked up a tiny cockle shell, rinsing the sand out in the water. Leo watched you and when you turned to look up at him, he frowned slightly, curiously.

“Where do you get your shells from?” you asked, turning the tiny shell over in your hand. “I can’t say I’ve ever seen one like yours before…”

He smiled. “There are some big creatures out there,” he said, staring at the blackness of the water, the tips of the waves silvered by moonlight.

“Yours matches your hair and your legs,” you said, eyeing the orange of his armour plating.

Leo’s flush was so deep that you almost felt the heat of it radiating out from his cheeks, and he turned away.

“What?” you said.

“It’s… Nothing…” he mumbled.

“No, go on,” you insisted. “If I said something wrong, you should tell me…”

“You didn’t,” he said, still looking away, the curtain of his hair half hiding his face. “It’s…”

“It’s what? Is it super personal to comment on someone’s shell? Is that it?”

He nodded.

“Ah. Well,” you breezed, “I do like it. I can’t hide that I think it’s beautiful, and it suits you, so… yeah.”

Leo turned back to face you and you saw something glinting in his eyes. “I’ve never met a human quite like you.”

“Is that good or bad?”

He swallowed, throat bobbing. “Good. Well, it’s bad for me because it makes me even more of a klutz, and I… oh dammit,” he hissed as his cheeks continued to blaze.

“Hey,” you said softly, reaching for his hand as it hung limply at his side. “I like that you’re so easy to read. Your reactions are honest, and that’s… refreshing, you know? There’s nothing wrong with it.”

He brought his other hand up to his face and rubbed briefly at his eyes.

“What’s really bothering you?” you asked after a moment.

Again, he chuffed an awkward laugh and dropped his hand and turned to look at you, eyes gleaming. “I don’t… I don’t know how wise this is.”

“‘This’?”

He tilted his head knowingly, and your stomach lurched.

“I like you. A lot,” he said, voice thick. “And I’m scared that it’s not appropriate or something. And… I don’t have a clue what I'm doing. My kind are rare enough, so I hardly see someone of my own species to interact with on this level, let alone a human. I don’t… I don’t know what I’m doing.”

You squeezed the hand that you were still holding and said, “It’s ok.” Plunging guilt and disappointment filled your chest though. You’d not realised quite how much you’d come to like him in this first week until then, and the Summer Camp still went on for another two. “Why don’t we just… hang out over the next couple of weeks? And at the end, if we want to take it somewhere, maybe we can explore that then. But if we decide not to, then we don’t have to. I can go back to the city, and that’ll be that.”

You didn’t miss the way his fingers clenched suddenly at that, but he nodded.

The next two weeks were honestly torture. By the middle of that second week of the three that made up the entirety of the summer camp, you were convinced that you really, really liked him. He kept looking at you after the classes were over; he came to almost every evening meal now; and he found every excuse to touch you - even just the briefest and most chaste of touches - whenever he could.

Dane didn't miss a trick either, and he hauled you off to one side at the end of the second week of camp and gave you what was probably your first ‘Talk’ ever. “Look,” he said. “I don’t mean to be a dick, but Leo is one of my best friends. If you fuck around with him and hurt him, I swear to god, it will not end well for you.”

“Whoa,” you said, taking a step back away from the enormous minotaur. “Dane…”

He stared you down, but seemed to realise he’d overstepped. He let out a puffing breath and sighed. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t actually, you know, hurt you. It’s just that Leo is… he’s kind of innocent, you know? He’s never had a partner that I know of. This summer camp is literally his whole life, and what he does in the winter months is a mystery. He just disappears and comes back with the spring.”

“Really?”

Dane nodded.

“He must be so lonely.” You looked into the minotaur’s dark eyes and said, “Dane, the last thing I want to do is hurt him. We talked about it on that first Friday actually, and we decided to put our feelings - whatever they are - on hold til the end of camp. Then we’ll see how things are.”

Dane nodded slowly, and the matter seemed closed, though he still kept an eye on the pair of you from a distance.

The celebration of the end of the first of the summer camp sessions - there was a week’s gap in between the first and the second one to let the staff recover, restock on things and prepare for the next session - saw you and Leo seated by the fire, closer than any other folks were.

His shell was huge, and it made for the perfect leaning post. You rested your weight against it, and sighed happily, drinking deeply from the little plastic tumbler in your hand.

“You alright?” he asked, looking down at you. His long, red hair slid over his pale shoulders and he looked even more beautiful than ever as he gazed down at you.

“More than,” you grinned. “You?”

The handsome merman sighed, and you caught a distinct tinge of sadness in his warm eyes.

“Leo?”

He sighed expansively. “I… uh… Do you want to go for a walk?”

You pouted thoughtfully. “Sure,” you said, smiling and began levering yourself upright with the help of his curling shell. “I need to walk some of that amazing food down.”

He smiled in agreement and held his hand out to help you up. His skin was cool and his palm smooth. You tried not to take too much notice.

No one really commented on your leaving together, but Dane cast you a severe look that was definitely a warning shot across the bows, but you smiled and nodded sagely, and he backed off with a shy and apologetic smile. You tried to take it as a good sign that Leo had such good friends looking out for him.

The two of you made your way down the beach, Leo dragging his shell behind him, and eventually you blurted, “Isn’t that heavy?”

“Hmm?”

“Your shell?”

“Oh,” he blushed. “I mean… I actually found a pretty light one…”

“Do you ever leave it?”

“Rarely,” he hedged. “Why?”

“Just curious,” you smiled pointedly, and he blushed. “Have I asked something very personal again?”

With a playful smile, he nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Leo paused, the hiss and breath of the water on the sand beyond forming a quiet backdrop to your conversation. “As I told you before, you can ask me anything at all. I don’t mind.”

“Alright then,” you said, feeling uncharacteristically bold. “Since we’re technically not working tonight, and there are no more activities til next week, can I kiss you now?”

His breath caught and his chest heaved once. He was only wearing the loose-fitting t-shirt of the summer camp uniform, and it hung baggily over his shoulders, revealing the chiselled lines of his pale, freckled collarbones. “Yes,” he breathed, adding hastily, “But not here.”

He took you by the hand and led you towards the rocks that formed a breakwater not far from the retreating tide. Showing his strength in a way he’d not yet done, he put his hands on your waist and heaved you up onto a smooth, dry boulder so that you were at the same height as him. He kissed you then, with all the reverence and hesitation you’d expected from the shy merman.

His hands found their way to your hair, while your own landed at his waist and his body inched closer to yours. After a few moments, he pulled back, breathless, eyes glinting in the dark, and he rested his forehead against yours. “I’ve never… I mean… not for a human… gods…”

“Leo?” you asked, risking a glance down his body.

A moment or two later, he abandoned his shell in one swift movement, revealing a slender, curling tail and a bright red, ridged cock that was already weeping and fully erect. “I want you…” he rasped.

You nodded, and he exhaled in relief, shuddering violently as your nails raked eager, red lines down his pale torso. He gently removed your clothes, reverence still in every touch, until you were lying naked on the smooth boulder, and he parted his lips and stared hungrily at your bare, beautiful body. His hands traced the contours of your sides and hips, working their way up your torso, pinching your pebbling nipples until you arched your back and groaned with pleasure.

A sudden pressure around your ankles made you gasp, and you opened your eyes to find his crab’s claws closing around the ankle joint, locking you in place as he reared up and brought his cock between your thighs. The slick heat of it made you buck wildly, and he moaned as he began to fuck the space between your legs. His head bowed forwards, his long red hair trailing along your torso in tantalisingly soft tendrils, and his breath began to come in ragged draws the faster he worked his hips.

He lost himself in the feel of your body against his own.

“You’re perfect,” he gasped, grabbing you by the shoulders and hoisting you into the air.

He supported you all the while he continued to thrust upwards between your thighs, thick and hot and slick, and you gasped and cried out at the sensation. His claws were still clamped like cuffs around your ankles, keeping your legs tightly together as he rutted into you, thrust after thrust, gaining momentum until he began to shiver and pant wildly.

“I’m…” he warned before suddenly his whole body tensed and he began to spasm, thick ropes of come spilling between your thighs, slicking your skin with hot release as he came over you, his body rearing up with pleasure and his arms holding you tightly to his chest.

“Leo…” you gasped as his wild, clenching orgasm began to recede and he lowered you down onto the rock with shaky arms.

You leaned back and he followed you as if drawn by a magnet, draping himself along your aching body as the aftershocks of his release shook him to the core. His cock wept and drooled still across your thighs, twitching and spasming, and your legs were covered in him.

Eventually he looked up at you and pressed his hands against your hips to push himself unsteadily upright. “Are you ok?” he rasped, his legs spreading wide, struggling to hold himself upright.

“Yeah…” you said, looking ostentatiously between your legs. “But you’re now one ahead of me…”

Catching his breath, Leo smiled. “Can’t have that,” he said, and he licked his lips before lowering his face between your legs. “Here…”

And the moment the heat of his mouth closed over you, you were lost to the sensations of him; the sounds, the feel, the pleasure of him.

It wasn’t long before you too were howling your release to the empty night sky above.

---

I really hope you enjoyed this one! I’m working really hard on finishing the rest of my Mermay stories. Don’t forget to let me know if you did enjoy it by leaving a reblogging it!

And definitely don’t forget to check out some incredibly gorgeous artwork of Leo by the immensely talented @ilustrariane

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Untapped Abilities

Untapped Abilities-- Chapter Loki Fic. 

Loki x Reader 

Since your ex left, you’ve given all your attention to your career. The hard work you had put in earned you a major promotion. Your friend and you decide to go out for the night. She has hopes that you will meet someone to at least take you home for the night, maybe more.... you just want to get drunk. After all, being a college professor is a lot of work. 

Chapter 1: New Things

The last month and a half has been busy for you at work. Honestly, your carrier as a theologian has been quite dry. There aren’t many new things to be discovered and many of the new theories that get published are typically discredited. Still, the stories that you’ve read a thousand times still excite you. The tales of love and woe excite you; and to be quite honest set the bar for any men in your life too high for any mortal to meet. You’ve always been enamored with Mythology in every culture from Chinese to Greek, but the one that you hold closest to your heart is Norse. Because of your extensive knowledge on the subject, you were selected to steam-head the curriculum for the new Theology degree course being offered at the college next semester. Of course, you would be teaching and heading the department, hiring professors, writing curriculum, etc. Working late has become the new normal for you; but not tonight. You have some serious plans for tonight. You need to get out. You haven’t been out with your friends since your ex left. 

Setting up your new office takes most of the day. It is nearly four and you were expected to meet your friends at 7. 

“Let’s get some computer work done.” You say to yourself. “Then I am leaving. Definitely.”

You have such a hard time breaking your focus from your work. You are the youngest college professor in the area and the youngest in the world to design a curriculum for any school. That wasn’t what kept you working so late, however. You were writing the curriculum for the Norse classes. 

****

The keys on your computer clack rhythmically to the pace of your writing. Of course you had lost track of time. “Shit.” you mutter quickly gathering your stuff. You did this so often, you wonder why your friends even put up with you in the first place. You rush through the doorway of your office only to be greeted by your closest friend.

“I knew you’d still be here. Don’t worry. I brought you this.” She hands you a short black dress with emerald embellishments across the cleavage area, replacing fabric and a pair of thin black stilettos. “Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without you. You know what, I do. I’d be a loner who reads fantasy all day.” you say as you grab the dress and spin around heading back into your office to change. “You already do that.” Your friend snickers as she follows you into your office. “Promise me something, please.” 

Here it comes again. Meet someone, it’s been too long since you and the giant asshole broke up. It would do you some good. 

You can’t help but mock those words in your head, as you’ve heard them a thousand times. Or, perhaps those words were true. It has been so long since you’ve felt the touch of anything other than your own fingers, or silicone.

“Yeah, I know… meet someone… get out there. Try to find the fire again. Just because you went through a bad breakup doesn’t mean you have to be alone forever.” I sigh, zipping the dress up my side. “If you can introduce me to Loki…. That’d be great.” 

Your friend sighs heavily. “Oh, come on! Loki is a fairy tale and you know it. Besides, why in the whole world would you pin the trickster god as your ideal mate?” 

“Because he is most written about. His accounts range from being a trickster, a helper, a friend, an enemy. He had encounters with every god in Asgard. I’ve read about him so many times, I feel as if I know him.” You pause for a minute, remembering that Loki is just a myth and no mere man could ever be as cunning, mischievous, sinister and honest. “The few accounts on what he looks like might hint to him being the most beautiful god to ever exist, too.” you wink at your friend as she rolls her eyes. “Lets go, you goof.” She takes your hand and rushes out the door. Trailing behind her, you pray to the gods you know aren’t listening. Please, help me find someone to try with again. Someone like you, Loki. 

****

“Brother, this is it! We are long overdue for a trip to Midgard.” Loki says as he pushes the doors to the great hall open. “I’ve been called upon.” 

Thor looks at his brother in disbelief. “Called upon? Brother, no one calls us from Midgard any longer.”

“Ah, needn’t you worry, Brother. It is true. I heard a voice. Calling me to help find love.” Loki extends his arms at his sides and bows slightly, not removing his gaze from his brother. 

“No.” says Thor. “You are not the god of love, brother, you are the god of tricks. You must be mistaken” Loki purses his lips in frustration. “I know that, but this human spoke my name. I heard it just as I hear you now.” Loki’s eyes fixed on Thor’s with burning intensity. He doesn’t know why, but he has to answer the call. Even if it isn’t specifically meant for him. 

“Let us go then, brother.” Thor places his hand on Loki’s shoulder. He worries his brother has actually lost his mind this time. “I could use a night out myself. One with you at my side will be filled with mischief.”

****

The music at the club is radiating in your chest as you dance with your friend in the middle of a crowd, drink in hand and hair flipping to the beat of your movements. You are hot and sweating. Maybe this urge is enough to satisfy the cravings for a different physical activity. As the song ends you and your friend step outside for some much needed fresh air. The crisp air feels good on your flushed cheeks. Your friend lights a cigarette. “Did you see anyone in there who looked like they might be in need of an all night history lesson?” She nudges you, playfully. A smile forms between your lips. “No. I haven’t been looking. I have been focusing on my dance moves. Moving my hips might attract a man worth my time.” 

“You’re so dramatic.” Your friend sighs, looking around her. She stops moving and grabs you by the arm. “Major hotties 12 O’ Clock.” Your eyes wander over to two men approaching the club entrance. The beauty of these men is astounding. Never before have you seen men look the way these two did. One man has shoulder length blonde hair, bright eyes and a chiseled physique. He is dressed in stone washed jeans and a tight fitting shirt. This man is handsome, but the other with him was more your type. 

More like exactly your type. 

His pale skin almost glows in the light and his dark hair matches the night sky. Their swagger is confident and almost regal. He is dressed in tight fitting black slacks and a black button up shirt. Both men are taller than the other men they pass by. Time feels as if it slows. The closer he comes to you the harder it is for you to look away. Soon, his pale blue eyes lock on yours. You can feel the heat in your cheeks return. There was heat building between your legs, too. The man offers you a crooked smirk and he walks by you, never breaking his eyes from yours.

 Holy. Shit. 

Your friend looks at you with a smile. “You showed interest in him. You absolutely cannot hide that.” She throws her half finished cigarette away. “We are going back inside to snag us some hunks.” 

Once inside, you see the men at the bar waiting to be served. Your friend grabs your hand pulling you toward the empty space at the counter next to them. Slipping a hand at your back, she pushes you next to the dark haired man and takes her place next to the blonde. “Hey, there.” Your friend shouts over the music placing a delicate hand on the blonde man’s bicep. “We’ve never seen you here before? Are you from around here?” 

Your friend knows exactly what buttons to push to get a man to crave her. You on the other hand, not so much. You look up at the dark haired man noticing his eyes are fixed on you with Interest. Your cheeks get hotter. “Hi, uh, sorry. My friend is quite bold.” You offer your hand and give your name. The man’s expression fades from attraction to amusement. He takes your hand and touches your fingers to his lips. “Great beauty is bold.” His ice blue eyes peirce yours. Your lips part to talk again, but you quickly retract… not sure how to carry on the conversation. 

You peek at your friend, who is naturally chatting up the blonde man. You have to have her teach you how to not be awkward. 

Staring at you still, the dark haired man leans his face close to yours. Your eyes meet again. “Would you like to dance?” 

You? Dancing with him? Grinding your body against his tight black pants? Absolutely. 

You smile and head towards the dance floor, not sure what has come over you, grabbing his arm. He spins around with a smile on his face to follow you. He gives a quick glance to the man who came with him and winks. You and the man reach an empty spot in the sea of people. You realize you left your drink on the bar, but you don’t care. Both of your hands are free and you feel the unstoppable urge to touch this man. Your hands reach out for his hips and you pull yourself closer to him, matching his movements. He is much taller than you, but you feel a slight twinge against your lower abdomen.  

Is that… what I think it is? You think to yourself, still matching his pace. My god he is hot… no… sexy. I wonder what is under there… your thoughts are interrupted by his thin although muscular arm wrapping around your waist, pulling your bottom half closer to his. You bite your lip and grind harder against the man, causing your heartbeat to quicken. 

You have to take this man home. 

Rhythmically, you work your hands up his sides to his chest and then you touch his neck, breathing in his beauty. His gaze moves from the ceiling to you. His eyes look dark and mysterious in the low light of the club, but you can tell he is looking right at you. The arm that is around your waist moves to your ass, and the other soon follows. 

Normally you don’t tolerate this sort of behavior,  but you can’t stop him. You don’t want to stop him. You feel both hands squeeze on your ass.  Biting your lip, you push your backside into his hands, inviting him to continue. He leans close to your face. “Your dress is ravishing. My favorite colors.” Through the darkness you see the man’s white teeth revealed through a devilish grin. Your heart stops for a beat. Fuck. 

The music pumps on and you start grinding against him harder, in sync with the beat. This is so out of character for you. Maybe the cause for your actions is an untapped libido, or perhaps that this is the first man you’ve seen since your ex that you’re attracted to. You’re more than attracted to this man, is almost as if you tapped into your animalistic side. The music ends, but the two of you are still locked in the same position. His lips are incredibly close to your face. You didn’t notice that until now, when he spoke. “You, my dear, are an impeccable dancer. However, would you care to step outside to chat for a moment?” you nod your head and remove your hands from his body. Your hands want to betray your brain and touch him more. Your hands want to rip his clothes off, actually, and feel the skin that lies beneath his clothing. You surprise yourself with the thoughts in your mind. 

His hands slide back on your waist, he drops one to his side as he ushers you from the building. “I need to let my friend know that I am stepping outside. We have this deal. If we can’t see each other we call.” you say to him as you exit the venue. 

“She is enjoying herself, also” He remarks. “ In fact, he seems to be quite pleased with your friend. I’m sure they will both be joining us outside here in a moment or two.” 

The two of you walk farther away from the crowd outside the door and stop to lean against the building. “I never got your name.” you say to the man. A smug grin appears on his face as his eyes scan your body. “Sweet darling, my name is not important right now. I am eager to know about you. You look as if you could use some fun. Tell me.” 

You pause for a moment. Heat fills your cheeks once more. Could this be an answered prayer? No. That isn’t possible. The only thing that heard your prayer is you. The gods aren’t real. They  never were, people used mythology to explain the things they didn’t understand. This is too good to be true though. Just as you start to speak, your friend and the blonde appear. 

“Brother, you were right.” The blonde man exclaims. “We were long overdue for this trip.” Your friend smiles and puts her arm around you. “The two of you seem to have hit it off.” She says pointing her finger and the dark haired man. “Gentlemen, A club is no place for conversation. We have plenty of refreshments back at our place. It's just a couple of blocks from here, we could walk.” She smiles and returns to the blonde man’s side, slipping her arm through his. You feel those cold eyes on you again. As you look up to meet them, the dark haired man leans closer to you, almost touching your ear with his lips “I would be delighted to see your house.”