multisfabulis

[multisfabulis]

A Much-Needed Talk

Word Count: 2934

DISCLAIMER: I want to make it clear that, under no uncertain circumstances, I do not support RT. The company has committed many atrocious acts of harm, both to its employees, former or otherwise, and numerous marginalized groups that are utterly reprehensible and completely unacceptable. While I have Things to say about fans that continue to financially support RT via RWBY and RT's other IPs, this is not the place to divulge such criticism. As such, any discourse that potentially crops up under this fic will be promptly deleted. If you continue trying to create discourse or make my fic a hot spot for debate, you will be blocked and/or removed. You do not need to agree with me but I ask that you please respect this boundary. This will be posted on any and all future RWBY fics from this point forward.

I did not think I'd post another RWBY fic for a good long while yet but the autism brainrot hit back in April so I had to do it. Still, what better way to ring in Pride Month than by writing about the Bees?

So the way this came about was that I was SO disappointed by how RWBY never had a scene in which Yang and Blake talked about the events that happened at Beacon and of the aftermath that followed. I had hoped so much that Vol.6 would give me something, anything, regarding these two talking about Blake leaving Yang and the pain that caused her and I got jack. Nothing. Not even a passing mention outside of the beginning. Needless to say, I was annoyed, especially since the angst of that situation was part of what drew me to shipping the Bees in the first place! Like, CRWBY had the opportunity to have these two struggle with this massive bump in their relationship and eventually reconcile with each other and they MISSED it! Thankfully, that's what fanfics are for.

This was actually tough to write. What I wanted for this fic was to acknowledge that Blake wasn't wrong for leaving Yang and she had perfectly valid reasons for doing so but to also acknowledge Yang's pain at that and how she was completely within her right to be upset with Blake for leaving her. I wanted to show the nuance this kind of situation has and how both girls aren't wrong to feel how they did. Whether or not I did a good job at that is up to the people who read this.

I also added some things in here, like Yang and Blake having an argument at the Brunswick farm that ended with the former telling the latter something along the lines of "leaving is the only thing you're good at". I needed something that would get these two together initially and I saw the opportunity to throw in even more angst so I figured why not?

Last thing is that this fic was beta'd by my good friend, whose name I shall not say in this. I normally credit them but due to the fact I have my disclaimer at the top of this and I'm paranoid about the "fans" harassing them because of their association with me, I'm choosing to keep them anonymous (with their permission, of course). Thank you for your work, beta reader!

Read on AO3 | Read on DeviantArt | Support me on Ko-fi!

     Quiet.

     The room was so quiet. Yang could almost hear a pin drop. After the bombshell that was dropped on everyone only an hour ago, it had been unanimously decided that they all would take some time off to think. Yang had chosen to go upstairs and head into one of the spare rooms the Cotta-Arcs had. There were unopened boxes and furniture strewn about everywhere but it suited her needs just fine.

     Honestly, even after all this time, she still couldn’t quite believe it. Salem, the witch responsible for the attack on Beacon and mother to the Grimm, was immortal? And she couldn’t be destroyed?

     The knowledge of that truth drove her to despair. It made her question everything she had done to get to this point. Defending Haven, fighting her mother, taking the Relic; was it all just meaningless? Did trying to stop Salem even matter anymore if she couldn’t even die? Would it be better to just…give up? Accept that nothing she did would change anything and resign herself to her fate?

     Gods, what were they going to do?

     Soft knocking shattered the silence. Yang turned her head to look at the door, wondering who it could be. A second or two passed before there were more knocks, followed by a voice.

     “Yang, are you in there? It’s me.”

     Panic mixed with a dash of guilt ripped through her.

     What could she want?

     The last time they had talked to each other was back at the farm, that hadn’t ended well between them. All it took was one misstep for an argument to ensue and the other girl to walk out in a huff. Yang wanted to apologize to her for it once she’d calmed down enough yet the Apathy had made it so that she couldn’t find it within herself to care. Since then, the two girls avoided being alone together wherever they could.

     But they obviously couldn’t do that forever. If their relationship had a shot in hell of going back to what it once was, they needed to get over this. So, with that, Yang pulled open the door.

     Blake stood on the other side with an expression of surprise on her face. Their eyes met for a second before Blake averted her gaze, her ears drooping ever so slightly. Yang hated to see her act so meek and timid around her, though she could understand the reason why. There were still so many unsaid things between them.

     But perhaps today would be a step in the right direction.

     “Hey, I uh, I just wanted to come check in on you and see how you were doing,” Blake said, folding her arms. “Things got pretty crazy downstairs, so…”

     “Yeah, they did.” Yang forced out a laugh. “But I’m…hanging in there, I guess.”

     “That’s good.”

     “Yeah… How about you? Are you doing okay?”

     “Oh, uh, yeah. I’m…okay as I can be, given the circumstances.”

     “Good! Good, that’s---that’s good… Do you, uh…” Yang started, rubbing the back of her neck, “wanna come in? So we can talk?”

     Blake’s ears perked up as she replied with, “Oh! Uh, s-sure!”

     She walked past Yang into the empty room with slow, careful strides. Yang’s heart pounded in her ears as she closed the door. Psyching herself up, she turned around to face Blake---

     “Yang, I’m sorry.”

     Wait, what?

     “I’m sorry about what I said back at the farm. It was stupid and wrong of me to even imply that you couldn’t take care of yourself and…yeah…I’m sorry.”

     Why was she the one apologizing? Wasn’t Yang the one who blew up at her? The one who hurt her? This wasn’t right.

     “No, I should be the one saying sorry, okay? Yes, I was angry and upset over what you said but that’s not an excuse to then fire back at you, all right? I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and walked away.”

     “Well--” Blake’s lips curled up into a tight smile-- “I think I deserved it. After all, I am pretty good at running away from my problems.”

     The brittle laugh she gave did little to ease Yang’s guilt. It was hard enough knowing she’d hurt her with such a low blow, but hearing Blake basically agree with the sentiment just stung. Was it really possible for them to fix their relationship or were they destined to only harm each other even now?

     Then the smile vanished, leaving behind a frown as Blake continued on. “Still, I should’ve been more careful with my words, so I’m sorry. Truly.”

     “Listen, we both…said things we didn’t mean. Things we wish we could take back but can’t. No amount of apologizing is going to change that so…” She took a tentative step towards her. “I’d say we’re even.”

     “Even. Right...”

     Blake’s eyes fell to the floor as her ears folded downward. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what she meant by that. Sure, they were even in this situation but in the grand scheme of things? There may as well be a chasm as wide as the whole of Mistral standing between them. Yang would find this to be inappropriately comical if if weren’t so fucking tragic…

     “You know,” Blake began, peering up at her, “with how everything is right now, I think now’s a good time as any to have a talk…wouldn’t you say?”

     She didn’t know which was worse. Realizing she might die by Salem’s hand or facing the emotions she’d been burying deep down since Blake’s return? Frankly, the former sounded way more appealing to her than the latter. But this may finally be her chance to get some concrete answers, an opportunity for them to close a fraction of the distance separating them.

     This was what she’d wanted for so long. Why was she hesitating?

     Taking a deep breath in to settle her nerves, Yang replied with, “Yeah, let’s…let’s talk.”

     Using chairs they found spread out around the room, they sat facing one another, gazes locked. Time passed as both girls waited for the other to speak up and break the silence between them. Yang, in particular, wasn’t keen on going first, mainly because she couldn’t guarantee she’d remain calm throughout. She didn’t trust herself to not lose her temper as she remembered the months following Blake’s departure and the pain she’d felt during them.

     But she had to keep it reigned in no matter what. Weiss might’ve actually been right that Blake had a good reason to leave them all in the dark. Maybe she felt guilty over what happened, or maybe she blamed herself for it. Whatever it was, Yang needed to meet her halfway, to create a safe environment for her to voice her feelings without the fear of judgment.

     Anything to ensure Blake didn’t leave her again.

     “I guess I should start from the beginning.” Blake folded her hands neatly in her lap. “The reason why I left. Well, actually, there are two reasons.”

     With a deep breath in, she said, “The first was that I needed a break. A break where I didn’t have to think about the Grimm or Adam or anything else that happened that awful night, so I took the first ship out of Vale and went back home to Menagerie. It was the first time my parents and I had seen each other in years and I thought they would be mad at me for leaving them but…They just welcomed me back with open arms, and I’ve never been happier.”

     “Was your trip good?” Yang asked, catching the small smile across her face.

     “Yeah, it was. It allowed me to get my head back on straight and I was able to relax, at least for a little bit. It was good--” her mouth formed a thin line as her ears drooped-- “until it wasn’t.”

     Nothing more needed to be said. Blake hadn’t gone into detail over everything that transpired before her arrival in Haven but it was enough for Yang to understand it had been pretty rocky. She was almost beginning to wonder if she had somehow gotten lucky in having to overcome her inner demons before setting out on her journey. Compared to the rest of their team, she had it easy.

     “The other reason was…him. Adam. We fought, he overpowered me, and…” She closed her eyes, seemingly willing herself to stay calm as one of her hands moved up to where her scar was. “He threatened to destroy everything I loved as punishment for me leaving him. I knew how powerful he was, I’d seen it with my own eyes, so I knew he wasn’t bluffing. Then he heard you looking for me and…well, you pretty much know the rest.”

     The scene from that night was forever seared into Yang’s mind. The instant she saw that bastard pull his sword out from Blake’s body she wanted to tear him limb from bloody limb. It was with reckless abandon she rushed in to save her and it cost her an arm and almost nearly her life. Everything afterwards had been a blur but she couldn’t forget what he had taken from her even if she tried.

     “I thought you’d all be better off without me. I didn’t wanna risk Adam coming after any of you to get to me, especially you, Yang. It’s my fault you ended up getting hurt and I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for that.” Blake’s gaze landed on her prosthetic. “I know I shouldn’t have left you like that, I know, but it was the only thing I could think of to keep you safe. Believe me when I say that no amount of words will ever be enough to express how sorry I am for hurting you.”

     Tears slid down her cheeks before she hastily dried her eyes. Yang wanted nothing more than to comfort her in that moment, letting the things she said chip away at the walls she’d built around her heart. It didn’t erase the months of grief she endured but damn, it was a good start.

     Clearing her throat, Blake continued. “Anyway, it was during my time back home I realized I couldn’t run away from my problems forever. I had to face them and stop blaming myself for things that were out of my control. I needed to stop being a coward.” She met Yang’s gaze. “I’m not running anymore. Not from this or from Ruby or Weiss or you. You’re all too important for me to risk losing again.

     “I swear--” she placed a hand on her chest as if making a solemn vow-- “I’ll earn back your trust and your forgiveness, no matter how much time it takes.”

     She spoke with such resolve in her voice, it made it almost impossible for Yang to not believe her. She’d had people apologize to her before for leaving her and that was usually the end of it. Never once did they promise to earn back her trust and forgiveness, as if they were worth it. As if she was worth it. It was strange.

     Different.

     Yet…nice, all the same.

     Scooting her chair up a bit closer, she asked, “Can I say something?”

     “Yes, of course, go ahead,” Blake replied.

     “I won’t lie to you, I was…angry when I found out you left. Pissed off. I thought that, after everything we went through together, you’d be there for me. But you weren’t. You had just…vanished. Disappeared without a trace. It hurt, Blake. Hurt more than losing my arm did. It---It felt like a betrayal.”

     Memories of that time floated up to the surface. The moments she’d throw books across her room in a fit of fiery rage because they reminded her of Blake. The days she’d turn on the TV and see news updates about the White Fang, wondering if Blake was okay out there. The nights she’d dream of Blake, whether they were of the both of them together at Beacon or of her dead at Adam’s feet. It was truly a wonder how she got through those months without losing her mind.

     “I spent all that time thinking about you and wondering what I’d say to you if I ever saw you again. I wanted to curse you out, hurt you like you’d hurt me. I even had a list in my head of all the things I wanted to call you. I had it all planned.” Then she scoffed. “And it all flew out the window the moment you showed up at Haven.”

     “What stopped you?” Blake asked.

     “Don’t get me wrong, I was still angry and upset at you. But…seeing you there, hearing you call my name, it…it made me want to hug you and never let you go. I think I would’ve done it if we didn’t have more pressing issues at hand.”

     “Yang…”

     “Still, even then, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe you actually came back for us. I was scared, scared of getting close to you, only for you to leave again. So I kept my distance. With each day that passed, I kept expecting you to be gone. That’s why I kept putting this--” she gestured at the space between them-- “off because I wanted to just get used to you just being around again. However, I…I believe you when you say you’re not running anymore.”

     She tentatively put a hand on Blake’s knee, watching her intently for any sign of discomfort. She didn’t dare take it a step further, lest she scare her off with how forward she was being. The ghost of a smile appeared on Blake’s face as she placed her own hand down just before Yang’s. The way they imperceptibly inched towards each other wasn’t lost on her and it prompted her to continue talking.

     “I’m not mad at you for doing what you needed to do. Do I wish that you had told me? Yes! But…I get why you didn’t. I also don’t blame you for what happened to me. It wasn’t your fault. I would’ve done that for Weiss or Ruby if they were in your position so please…stop tormenting yourself with the what-ifs.” Yang brushed her fingers along the side of Blake’s face in an attempt to soothe her. “I really…care a lot about you and I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay with me. You should stay because you want to stay, not out of any obligation you feel like you have.

     “If you need some time to yourself, just tell me or anyone else here and we’ll give you it. Just don’t leave us in the dark again, okay?” She gently took hold of Blake’s hand in her own, feeling her skin against hers. “The least we can do is welcome you back with open arms.”

     They exchanged smiles, though Yang could see a hint of red dusting across the other’s cheeks. The sight of it brought forth a sense of warmth deep within her, a smoldering kind of feeling that coursed through her body.

     Thumb stroking over her knuckles, Yang spoke softly, “I also wanted to apologize for how I treated you back at Beacon. Shoving you against a desk, making those stupid jokes at your expense, it was wrong and I shouldn’t have done that.”

     “Yang, it’s all right, I know you weren’t---”

     “No, it’s not.” She grabbed Blake’s other hand and held it. “Getting physical with you, annoying you with that laser pointer, it wasn’t right. Ignorance doesn’t excuse the fact I still hurt you. That’s why, although I can’t make any promises, I’ll be more conscious in how I speak and act around you.” Her grip tightened. “I don’t want to be like him.”

     Blake’s eyes peered into hers. “I know you aren’t.”

     Hardly a second passed before Blake drew Yang into a hug, her arms wrapped tight around her. She buried her face in the crook of Blake’s neck, breathing her in. She smelled of flowers and salt and the essence of twilight. It reminded Yang of home and it made her want to bring Blake there once things had settled down enough.

     “You’re not like Adam,” Blake murmured, her fingers gripping onto Yang’s shoulders, “you’re better than him.”

     With a hand on the back of her head, she simply answered, “I’ll keep trying to be. And I already forgave you a long time ago.”

     They pulled away a moment later, bumping their foreheads together with a subdued red blooming across their faces. Violet and gold shared tender looks at each other as their hands laid entwined between them and their knees barely touched. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, letting time fly past them just so they could indulge in the luminous joy this brought them.

     It was strange. The world seemed like it was heading towards total destruction due to Salem’s machinations and the only hope it had of being saved rested on the shoulders of Hunters-in-training. She didn’t know what the hell they were going to do but she felt…hopeful. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt since before she left home to search for Ruby.

     Maybe there was a chance they could all get out of this alive.

     Now was the perfect opportunity to gather everyone up. There’d been more than enough time for them to kick their minds into gear so they needed to try and figure out a game plan. Yang wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

     So she and Blake went off to find Ruby.

     Together.

[multisfabulis]

A Common Rarity

An Icy Reunion (Chapter 1/7)

Word Count: 4378

Hello to all my readers! Yes, I am finally back to post this and I apologize for the long wait!

Believe me when I say I didn't plan on taking almost 4 months to post my first fic of the year but life has a funny way of showing how cruel it can be to me. As I explained on Twitter, my hard drive suddenly died on me way back in February and, due to me not having any backups available, I couldn't begin writing this until after I had my files recovered, which included the outline and rough draft for this fic. I literally finished writing the first chapter's draft the night before everything happened so I was doubly upset! So, after almost a month of settling everything IRL, I was finally able to sit down and do the process of editing and revising the chapter before sending it off to my beta reader and letting them do their magic. It took a while but that's how we got here!

So! This fic is pretty much Ferreth's version of TRFBD was to Ven. He's going to be confronting his abusers and dealing with his self-worth issues in this, with the help of his now-girlfriend Ven! I have been wanting to write this for so long, especially since this is taking place a couple years in the future after MZCR, the first fic to show Verreth being a couple, and I'm finally able to add more to Ferreth's character that isn't just him being a simp or being down over his perceived lack of value (Yes, I know LTL did a similar job to that but this is centered on and will be mostly written in his POV, unlike LTL, so it's not quite the same!). I can only say that I hope you all will enjoy reading this up to the last chapter whenever it is written!

One last thing is that the first chapter was beta'd by my friend rosemaryblues! They did a lot of work in trimming this down and making it flow better so please show them some appreciation! As always, thank you for helping me!

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     He could hardly believe it. He never thought he’d be here again, not after what happened seven years ago. A part of him wanted to turn heel and run while another kept him rooted to in place. It was no use. He may as well just accept the truth that was staring him right in the face.

     Ferreth was back “home” again.

     Thesriden seemed to be how he left it that night. The same cobblestone roads covered in snow, the same black lamp posts that dotted the sidewalk on main street, the same charmingly garish shops welcoming passerbys with warm glows from the inside. It was exactly like how he remembered it. Even the many paths that climbed up and around the surrounding mountains had remained as they were. Everything looked to be unchanged from his memories, to the point it was uncanny.

     His heart pounded in his ears. Shivers ran down his spine, but he wasn’t cold in the least. His vision began to fade in and out as the biting chill in the air caused the ache in his arms to flare up in pain. All the thoughts rushing through his head were screaming at him to run; to run and never look back---

     “Ferret? Are you okay?”

     A familiar voice broke through his mind’s cacophony. His eyes turned towards Ven, who appeared to be studying him. Her brows were furrowed in concentration as she stood in front of him, and she reached a gloved hand out to touch his cheek.

     “Are you with me now?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

     Seeing the worry across her face snapped him out of his stupor. He took her hand in his and tried to steady his breathing. He was beginning to understand just a little of how she felt when they arrived in Thal Esari a couple years ago. God, how did she make it look so easy back then?

     “You’re back.” Her gaze softened as the corners of her mouth curled up into a tiny smile. “I’m glad. You had that far-off look in your eyes, the one I usually get when I remember something bad.”

     “Yeah, sorry about that,” he apologized, bringing her fingers up to his lips. He didn’t want to upset her more than he already had. “I’m all right now, though, so don’t worry about me, okay?”

     “...Okay.”

     He needed to be better. He couldn’t have Ven worrying herself sick just because he couldn’t handle being back here. He either had to suck it up or deal with it in a way she wouldn’t be capable of noticing.

     “So,” Ven started with renewed vigor, “now that we’re here, what’s the first order of business?”

     “Hmm…” Despite needing to find a place to stay, he had something else in mind. “Let’s go see my old man. I wanna get this over with sooner rather than later.”

     “All right, then. Lead the way.”

     So they began the long trek up to Ferreth’s childhood home. People stared at them as they walked past, some directed at him but almost all eyes were on Ven. Vlixeoxs were believed by many Dradnach to be fairy tales, scary stories to tell to children in order to spook them into being on their best behavior. She would be the first, and likely only one they’d see in their lifetimes. Her grip on his hand tightened in response to this. It was due to this that he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her close. That sent a message and it was one they all read loud and clear.

     His mind kept replaying the events that led up to them being here today. It was only a month or so ago now Bris had flown down to Aurora Zenith to deliver some serious news to him. His father had fallen ill and it was unclear whether he’d pull through or not. Although apparently he was alive and kicking by the time Bris received word of it, he still thought it was urgent enough to tell Ferreth of it. It was certainly a surprise to hear about what had happened.

     Yet he found the whole situation strange. Why did he care whether his father lived or died? It was that man’s fault that Ferreth grew up to have such low fucking self-esteem. Both his and Kandorinth. So why did he even feel some need to care?

     Maybe raising a little girl of his own was beginning to make him see things differently.

     Whatever the case may be, here he was. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared. There were plenty of ways he imagined this trip to be going, all of which ended pretty badly for him. At least Ven was here to help him through this.

     It wasn’t even a question of whether she wanted to come with him or not. The moment he informed her of this, she was asking him when they could leave, and if they should bring Ammy along.

     It was then he understood what she meant. When she had asked him to come with her to Thal Esari for her own quest, she said it was because he gave her the courage she lacked. Those words rang out in his head and he took them to heart. Much like how he was her rock back then, she was his for the now.

     Eventually, after walking several miles up one of the steeper paths, they arrived at their destination; a quaint stone cabin on a little ledge that jutted out the side of the mountain, giving its residents a rather impressive view of Thesriden below. Black smoke billowed out of the chimney atop the roof as dim orange light glowed from within the house. The steps leading up to the front door looked like they had seen better days. This was certainly a sight for sore eyes, though it seemed almost smaller than he’d remembered.

     The stairs creaked beneath their feet as they walked up to the door. With anxiety toiling in his stomach, he rapped his knuckles against the wood one, two, three times before stopping. It didn’t take long for him to pick up on the sound of someone shuffling around inside and that got his mind racing.

     Who was going to be on the other side of the door? Would it be his father or Kandorinth? He could handle his father but if it was his brother? God, he might as well just hightail the hell outta there while he still could.

     “It’ll be okay, Ferreth.” He felt Ven squeeze his hand gently. It was only then he realized he was trembling. “No matter what happens in there, I’ll be by your side, okay? So don’t worry.”

     Cracking a smile for the first time since they entered Thesriden, he held her hand as tightly as he could.

     The door swung open. Behind it was an older man with light brown skin similar to his own, short blond hair streaked with gray, and sharp gray eyes. He had white stubble all along his jaw and mouth, a surprising change to the full beard he usually sported. He wasn’t the only one who changed over the course of seven years. Despite all of this though, Norvicross looked good for a Dradnach in his nineties.

     Their eyes met. He watched his father’s gaze shift from confusion to recognition to finally shock as he realized who was standing right in front of him.

     “F-Ferreth?” His voice sounded older, raspier. “You’re here.”

     “Yeah, I know. It’s been a while.” The words came out stilted as he struggled to find something else to say. “How have you been?”

     Clearing his throat, Norvicross replied stiffly, “Good! Good. Um, what brings you out here? I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

     “Bris told me you got sick a while back, said it was pretty bad. I wanted to come see you so…”

     “Well, I’m glad you decided to come back!” He let out a nervous laugh before falling silent, effectively bringing the conversation to a standstill.

     God, this was painfully awkward. It wasn’t like he was going to be a sparkling conversationalist throughout this meeting, but this was worse than he thought. Maybe he should’ve prepared more for this…

     “Ah, I see you have someone with you!” He felt Ven jump slightly beside him as his father grasped at a new avenue of talk. “What’s your name, miss?”

     “Oh, um, I-I am Venlithea Virthana--” she gave a respectful bow before continuing on, “--though most people just call me Ven. I’m Ferreth’s girlfriend.”

     “Hmm, he sure knows how to pick ‘em. I must say, though, I don’t think I’ve seen an elf quite like you before.”

     “That’s because she’s a, um…Vlixeox.”

     “Oh. Well. Hmm.”

     He didn’t think it was possible for things to be worse than they already were but he was wrong.

     “How about you two come inside? I think we have a lot to talk about.”

     Norvicross stepped aside to let the pair in. They walked into a small (by Dradnach standards anyway) living room that felt even more cramped due to the sheer amount of things lying around everywhere. In front of the lit fireplace was an upholstered emerald coloured sofa, two similar-looking chairs on either side of it. The one on the left seemed to be extremely worn while the other was practically spotless. Above the mantel was a family portrait, depicting a much younger Norvicross. A woman sat beside him, her warm smile highlighted by the fireplace. He and his brother were seated on their laps, their smiles equally as bright.

     Ferreth’s heart ached upon seeing his mother. It had been almost a decade since her death. She had looked so healthy, and so happy back then. Visiting her resting place was another thing he needed to do while he was here. It’d be nice to tell her of everything that’s happened.

     As they all sat down, Norvicross commented to Ven, “You know, in all my years, I never thought I’d see someone like you, much less meet one. Frankly, I didn’t think your kind existed!”

     “You wouldn’t be the first to say something like that,” she remarked with a nervous giggle.

     “Forgive me if I’m asking for too much but would you mind showing me what you can do? I’m quite curious!”

     “Oh, well, uh, o-okay.” She took a deep breath in and held out her hand. Wisps of darkness trailed down her arm before forming something resembling a small ball in her palm. It then began to flicker in and out like smoldering embers in a dying fire. “Is this okay?”

     Taken aback by the display of power, Norvicross leaned in to start inspecting it from every angle. “Now that is an extraordinary power, young lady.” Once Norvicross’ curiosity had been sated, he returned to his seat. “I hope you’ll show me more of that during your stay here.”

     “Oh, I-I-I don’t know if that would be…”

     “Can you just cut the crap already?” interrupted Ferreth, who was this close to leaving the house in a huff. “Ven and I are tired, and if we’re just here to trade fake pleasantries then we might as well go.”

     “...Right.” Norvicross sat up straight and cleared his throat. “I understand you’ve come all this way, and it wouldn’t be right to just merely entertain…” The older Dradnach paused, his eyes sullen. “I know it must have been hard, just coming to face me, and well…--”

     “--Ferreth…I’m sorry.”

     He was…sorry?

     For what?

     For being a shitty father? Not loving him the way he was supposed to?

     Ferreth couldn’t remember the last time his father apologized to him. He couldn’t even remember if he’d ever apologized to him. What was going through his head right now?

     “I realize that many of the things I said and did to you as a child were just, well, completely unacceptable. I should’ve been better,” Norvicross confessed, rubbing the back of his neck.

     After letting what he said sink in, Ferreth asked sardonically, “How long has it taken you to figure that out, huh?”

     “Too long. If I really had to put a time to it, I’d say it was…around the time you left Thesriden. I’m just surprised you came back after everything.”

     “Oh, that makes two of us, believe me.”

     “Listen, Ferreth, I want to make it up to you. I know no amount of groveling or begging will erase the years of pain I put you through. You’re my son and I shouldn’t have treated you like that.” He breathed in deep before continuing on. “I want to do right by you so…would you care to tell me everything you’ve been through on your journey? I want to know what you’ve been up to since you left.”

     He sounded genuine enough. However, Ferreth knew better than to take his father on his word. Sure, he seemed to have acknowledged his wrongdoings and the effect they had on him growing up but did he really mean it? Or was he only doing this to alleviate the guilt he felt? Ferreth didn’t know what to believe.

     But there was only one way to find out.

     “I won’t force you to do that if you’re not interested, though. I’m just---”

     “All right, all right,” Ferreth stopped him from floundering any further. Admittedly, he liked seeing his father struggle with his words. “Pick a time and place, then we’ll talk.”

     “...Thank you, Ferreth, I---”

     “But I’m saying it now, if I find that you really haven’t changed over the past few years, then I’m gone. I’m not putting myself through that shit again.”

     With a slow nod, Norvicross simply said, “I understand.”

     He was drawing the line here. He already spent seventeen years being demeaned, belittled, and mocked by both his father and Kandorinth and he refused to give them any more of his time. Things were going to be different, whether they liked it or not.

     Norvicross showed them to the door and bade them farewell with promises to meet up again sometime in the near future. Then they set off for the next stop, with Ferreth feeling mildly surprised that the reunion went as smoothly as it did.

     The next order of business was checking in at the inn. It was a place that, by virtue of it being high up in the mountains and its clientele being fellow Dradnach, could rent out small cabins to visitors instead of rooms like most other inns. It gave them more privacy and space to work with, along with other little bonuses like extra storage, and a sense of peace and tranquility. Not even Thornewind had something like this during his time living there.

     With night quickly descending upon them, they needed to hurry and get themselves settled in. If he was remembering correctly, the cabins came stocked with pre-packaged meals in case of emergencies. Still, with how long they’d been traveling up till now, they were exhausted. He was almost tempted to go without dinner but---

     “Ah, I see you’ve returned, Ferra.”

     Oh.

     Oh fuck.

     Fuck, fuck, fuck!

     Memories of that night flashed in his mind. A fist flying through the air to strike, snow whipping around him, ice seeping into his veins, his slit eyes. He could never forget the sheer agony he felt as thousands of tiny pinpricks stabbed his arms, right down to the very bone. He begged and pleaded for death to take him then, all in hopes it’d stop the pain.

     Everything blurred together in a haze. He gasped for air as a dying man would, his hands clutching at his chest to relieve himself of the anguish he felt. Ven calling out to him barely registered in his mind, her voice growing more and more distant the louder his heart pounded.

     Cold.

     So cold.

     He had to run.

     He needed to run.

     Why couldn’t he run?

     Why couldn’t he move?!

     But it was too late. A hand clapped his shoulder and he knew it was over.

     Entering his line of sight was a familiar man. Striking blue eyes bore into his, disdain rising beneath with a tight frown. It felt like they were peering straight into Ferreth’s soul.

     God, Kandorinth hadn’t changed one fucking bit.

     “Are you not going to say hi to your brother, Ferra?” Kandorinth asked, his frown twisting into a dubious smirk. “It’s been about seven years, hasn’t it?”

     He tried with all his might to force the words out but they just wouldn’t come to him. It was as if someone had stolen his voice, rendering him speechless.

     “Oh, what’s the matter, wyvern got your tongue?” Kandorinth scoffed, his eyes never once leaving Ferreth’s as he took a step forward. “I gotta say, it’s strange not hearing you prattle on and on about---”

     “Ah, you must be Kandorinth! You know, Ferreth’s told me so much about you since we arrived here!” Ven chimed in, putting herself between the two men.

     As if noticing for the first time she was there, Kandorinth narrowed his gaze at her. “And who on earth are you supposed to be?”

     “I’m Venlithea. I’m Ferreth’s girlfriend,” she replied. She giggled rather uncharacteristically, angling herself to look up at him. “You’ll have to excuse him, we’ve come a long way to get here and he’s feeling a little tired.”

     Her name was stuck in his throat. He wished he could tell her to not engage with him, to not put herself on Kandorinth’s radar. He knew his brother wasn’t above using violence to achieve his goals, and she’d be the perfect target.

     If only he wasn’t so weak, then this wouldn’t be happening!

     “I see…” Kandorinth backed up a little and folded his arms across his chest, his smile only getting wider. “So tell me, Ferra.” He tilted his head towards his brother. “What made you decide to come back home? I thought you had all but abandoned us.”

     “We got news that his father had fallen ill a little while ago and we wanted to come see him. Is that a problem?” Ven tilted her own head to obscure Kandorinth’s vision, causing him to blink in surprise.

     “No…but I didn’t think he cared at all about Father. I mean, what kind of son runs out on his family for seven years, telling them nothing of his whereabouts or why he left them in the first place?”

     “Well, that’s why we’re here. Ferreth feels really bad about leaving you and he wanted to make amends for that. We would’ve come up sooner but he just didn’t know when would be the right time. He’s really sorry and he hopes you’ll forgive him, right, sweetheart?”

     “Is she right, Ferreth? Did you really come back home to make amends with me and Father?”

     “Like I said, he’s really-”

     “I’d suggest you keep quiet while we’re talking, Thea.”

     Anger stirred from within Ferreth. It was one thing for Kandorinth to treat him like crap but he had absolutely no right to even be speaking to Ven. It was this that, despite the terror currently strangling him, had him mutter through gritted teeth,

     “It’s as she said. We’re here to make amends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

     A moment passed before Kandorinth sneered. “It’s nice hearing your voice again, Ferra, especially after we exchanged such harsh words the last time we talked.”

     That was one hell of a way to put it. The ache in his arms flared up as he remembered the events that transpired that night.

     “Well, I think we’ve done enough catching up for now, wouldn’t you say?” With yet another smirk, Kandorinth took a few steps back and turned in the direction from which they came from. “I’ll be seeing you again, Ferra. I look forward to hearing about all your little…exploits. Until then!”

     With that, he turned on his heel and left. They watched him go further and further down the road till he was but a speck in the distance before he disappeared completely. It was then Ferreth dropped to one knee.

     “Fuck…” he panted, “I--I can’t breathe…”

     Ven knelt down in front of him, taking his face into her hands and asking, “Hey, hey, Ferreth, look at me, okay? Look at me, what’s going on? What do you need? Do you need to sit down?”

     A weak nod spurred her into action. After helping him up to his feet, she threw his arm over her shoulders. Finding a set of wooden benches nearby, she sat him down, brushing the hair from his face. “Are you okay now? Do you need anything?”

     “Just…stay with me, please…”

     Nothing more needed to be said between them. She simply took his hands in hers and held them while he tried to steady his breathing. He’d inhale, hold for a few seconds, then exhale and repeat the process. His heart eventually stopped racing and his mind slowly cleared.

     Winding his arms around her, he dropped his head onto Ven’s chest and murmured, “Sorry, I didn’t know it would get that bad.”

     She breathed a sigh of relief before doing the same, carding her fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture. “So long as you’re okay. What happened back there? I’ve never seen you like that before.”

     “Let’s just say the last time me and Kandorinth talked, it didn’t end so well.” He pressed his ear against her chest. Her heart rang steady, comforting, and he let out a small sigh. “It…wasn’t good.”

     “We don’t have to stay here, you know? We could just leave right now and no one would know.”

     “I don’t think that’s going to work. Besides, it took us three weeks to get here and I don’t want the time we spent traveling to be wasted.”

     “But that doesn’t mean you should suffer while we’re up here!” She lifted his face to look at hers. “You may be the strongest person I know but even you have your limits, so please--” she stroked a thumb along his cheek. “--don’t feel like you need to be brave for me, okay?”

     This brought back memories of when they went to Thal Esari for her own journey and how he was saying much the same things she was to her. The quiet resolve in her eyes, the determination she had to see her quest through to the end; they were things he both envied and admired her for. So, as terrified as he was being back here again, he was going to follow her example and face his past head-on.

     He would not let his father and Kandorinth run him out of town again.

     Pulling back, he reached a hand out to cup her cheek. “I know and I’ll be okay. So long as you’re here with me.” He gave her a small smile. “Things are different now and I’m not the same person I was back then. I’m not going to be cowed into running away with my tail between my legs.”

     “What are you going to do then?” she asked insistently. “What if Kandorinth tries to go after you? I don’t want you getting hurt because of him.”

     “Well, I don’t think he’s stupid enough to try anything. He may be an asshole but he’s not dumb. Still, I want you to be careful around him. I know you can take care of yourself and all but---”

     “Oh, if he tries anything, I will kick his ass. He may be a big, scary dragon but I’ve faced scarier things than him. He’s got nothing on me.”

     With this, his face broke into a grin. “Thanks, Ven.”

     He leaned down to kiss her before he drew her into a tight embrace, a gesture she returned by nestling her cheek into his stomach and wrapping her arms around his waist.

     It was moments like these that reminded him of how strong she was, contrary to her petite stature. She may have presented herself as this soft, delicate waif of a girl but he’d seen the tough, firm might she had underneath. She was able to handle both a glaive and heavy gardening equipment with ease, not to mention her prowess and finesse over her ability to control darkness. She was a miniature powerhouse, and that was one of the many things he loved about her.

     Kandorinth wouldn’t do anything to them, that much he knew. But if he was ballsy enough to try, Ferreth was fully confident in Ven’s ability to win. She would kick his ass six ways to Sunday and he’d revel in it.

     That’d definitely be the show of a lifetime.

     “I love you.”

     “Love you too.”

     Soon, they arrived at the inn. With a key in hand, he and Ven made their way over to the cabin they’d be staying in for a few days. The moment they stepped inside, they were greeted by a pleasant, cozy warmth the room seemed to emanate. There was wood paneling on the walls and the floor was made entirely out of a dark hardwood that creaked with each footfall. The living room, dining room, and kitchen were all in the same area, with only a meter or so of empty space dividing them into each of their own separate sections, and an enormous fireplace sat in the back.

     A narrow hallway off to the right led to a small bedroom that had a king-sized bed and an armoire. Next door to it was an equally-sized bathroom, with a large vanity that had two sinks attached to it, a claw-footed tub, and a separate chamber containing a modernized garderobe.

     Ferreth sighed, flopping down backwards on the bed. He didn’t think he’d be back in Thesriden again. On that night, seven years ago, he swore up and down he’d never return, not after all the things his father and brother did to him. Yet here he was, jumping on the meager chance things might’ve changed between them in his absence. Was he being too naive, too foolish in giving them this opportunity to prove that things would be different?

     He didn’t know.

     Whatever the case may be, the next few days were going to be interesting. Very interesting, indeed…

[multisfabulis]

Stay

Word Count: 2431

Here's my last fic of the year 2022! After the enormous trouble I had with my previous project last month, this felt like a breeze to write!

However, there is a bit of sad news I must share. This is going to be the last RLD fic I'll be posting, at least for the time being! The reason for why is that I simply don't have many ideas left to write for RLD and the ideas I do have need to be fleshed out more and given coherence. Right now, they're VERY rough and shoddy, to the point they need time dedicated to planning them out that I won't have in the near future. This doesn't mean I won't come back to RLD, though! Once things have slowed down some and I'm able to really conceptualize on what I have, then RLD will be brought back out into the spotlight. Until then, the dregs' will be going into the shadows.

Maybe it's because I knew RLD would go into an indefinite hiatus after this that I decided to write this idea out. I didn't plan it that way but it feels appropriate. This is pretty much a marriage proposal fic in all but name because when you think about it, isn't marriage just a legal way of saying you're choosing to commit to someone and spending the rest of your life with them? Of course, there had to be some angst thrown in here because these two boys have issues and it wouldn't be a RLD fic without it!

One last thing I want to say is that this was beta'd by my dear friend rosemaryblues! They admittedly had problems with this, due to it not really being their style, but they were still gracious enough to look over this and edit it so thank you!

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     Okay.

     Today was the day.

     It was a day Ravi had been both dreading and looking forward to. A day in which he’d ask Luce a question. It had weighed on his mind for years now and Ravi had finally worked up the courage to ask it.

     Sure, it took several failed attempts due to him chickening out like a pussy every time, but still!

     In his hands was a small, plain white box. He didn’t bother wrapping it up or putting it in a gift bag because it would only call more attention to the occasion, attention he definitely didn’t need. However, it was what was inside the box that gave him the most anxiety.

     Inside was a handmade gift, something he had made for Luce in only a span of a few days. Something like this was rather uncharacteristic of him, but he worried the most over whether Luce would even like it or not.

     If he did, then everything was well and good. If he didn’t, well…it would certainly make what Ravi planned on doing afterwards super awkward.

     He heaved a sigh. There was no use in thinking about it. He just needed to get it over with! Steeling his resolve, he called out, “Luce, you wanna come in here?”

     He could hear the sound of footsteps approaching from outside the room. His heart hammered in his chest as he waited. To say he was scared shitless of what would happen next was an understatement. This was a hell of a gamble for him to take. All the years he spent bluffing and charming his customers hadn’t prepared him for anything like this.

     Luce entered the room, a quizzical look on his face.. Ravi still couldn’t get over the transformation he’s had in the four years they’d known each other. Before, Luce was practically a dead man walking, with his bones threatening to split open his pale skin as his dull red eyes peered out from the shadows of his own making. Now everything about him seemed to scream that he was alive, from how he glowed in the sunlight to the way his smile looked positively gleaming with life. He was, to put it simply, absolutely and irrevocably beautiful.

     “Is everything all right? You normally don’t…” His voice trailed off as he noticed the box in Ravi’s hands. “What’s that?”

     “It’s…a present?” he replied rather comically, holding it out to Luce as he felt warmth rushing to his cheeks. “Just hurry up and take it already.”

     Luce gave it a curious glance before turning his gaze back to Ravi. “What’s the occasion?”

     “Just take the damn box, Luce.”

     Luce took the box from him with a bemused expression on his face. Ravi watched him pull off the lid and peel away the thin sheet of paper hiding within to look at what was inside. He saw his eyes widen in shock as he took out something that seemed to resemble a band of some sort. Here it was, the moment of truth.

     Wrapped around Luce’s hand was a homemade necklace. There was a simple black cord just big enough for him to put his head through since Ravi knew how much trouble he had with clasps. Next were a few small beads on either side of the cord that were deep shades of red, violet, and blue to help splash some color on the otherwise dark palette. Then there was the main ornament, a crow feather that had taken way too long to find.

     Shifting his gaze towards Ravi, Luce asked in almost breathless wonder, “What is this for?”

     “It’s something I should’ve given you a long time ago,” he replied, fixing his eyes to the ground in embarrassment. The way Luce was looking at him right now was almost too much for him to handle. “You’ve been with me and Amelia for a few years now and I figured I should welcome you into the family. Not that you hadn’t been a part of it, this just makes it official!”

     “Wow, I…I don’t even know what to say.” Taking in a deep breath, he slipped the necklace on and held the feather gently between his fingers. “Snowbird…thank you so, so much for this. It means a lot to me.”

     “It’s okay? It’s not too loose?” He stepped forward to examine how the necklace fit around his neck. “A bracelet would’ve been too inconvenient for you and I know how sensitive your ears are so that’s why---”

     Ravi found himself drawn into a tight embrace as Luce whispered into his ear, “It’s perfect. Thank you, Ravinn.”

     Ravi returned the hug with just as much strength, nuzzling his cheek into Luce’s chest. God, he still couldn’t believe a man as good as Luce would love him and want to be with him. He didn’t deserve someone like him.

     That’s what made the next part of this so nerve-wracking. It was finally time for him to ask the question.

     “There was also something else--” he pulled away from Luce, gripping onto his arms gently as he looked up at him-- “to the present. I wanted to ask you something, something important.”

     “Oh, well, okay,” Luce replied, flashing Ravi a small smile, “Um, shoot?”

     “Would you…I mean, would you want to…” Fuck, this was harder than he thought it’d be. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep, willing his nerves to calm down. Rip it off like it was a band-aid. “Would you…want to stay with me?”

     His words hung between them for a time. He could see the gears turning in Luce’s head as he tried to glean the meaning behind them. Can’t fault him for lack of effort, he supposed. The question seemed so simple at first, but Luce knew Ravi long enough to know he wouldn’t ask something like that unless there was more to it than meets the eye. He was surprisingly intuitive for a guy who spent half his life avoiding people like they were the plague.

     “I’m guessing it’s not just for now, right?” Luce asked confusedly.

     “Yeah, it’s kinda like a marriage proposal, you know?” Right when those words left his mouth did he realize what he just said. “I-I’m not asking you to marry me, by the way! I sure as shit can’t afford a wedding and I definitely don’t wanna get fucking married because it’d be way too much fucking work and---”

     “Snowbird.” Another chuckle spilled out from Luce as he held Ravi closer. “You’re rambling again. Just tell me what you were meaning to say.”

     Steadying his breathing, he tightened his grip ever so slightly, “Luce. You have been with me through both the highs and the lows of our entire relationship, seen me at my best and at my worst. It didn’t matter how many times I’d push you away, you would just keep coming back like…the annoying cockroach you are, and I hated how persistent you were. Then we started getting closer and one day…I realized I was in love with you.”

     His hands shook as he continued.

     “You…see me in a way no one else has and you make me feel happy, and joyful a-and hopeful. I never thought I’d meet someone like you in this hellhole of a place we unfortunately call home and…I honestly can’t imagine my life without you.” Ravi wasn’t used to being so vulnerable but it had to be said. Luce needed to understand just how important this was to him. “So that’s why I’m asking if you will…stay with me. Be with me until our time is up.”

     “Do I want to spend my life with you, is what you’re asking.”

     “W-well, when you put it that way…”

     “Then yes. I’ll spend the rest of my life with you.”

     Time seemed to freeze. There was no way he misheard that, right?

     Luce said yes.

     He said yes to staying with him. To being with him until the end of their days. That was what Ravi wanted. He wanted Luce to be with him.

     So then why couldn’t he accept it?

     “But…why? Why would you…”

     “What do you mean, why?” Luce asked, concern shifting across his face. He lifted a hand up to Ravi’s cheek as he continued, “I want to stay with you. That’s what you want, right?”

     “But why?! Why would you want to stay with me?!” His grip on Luce tightened like a vice as his breathing grew more frantic. “I don’t understand, why…”

     Why was he sabotaging himself like this? Wasn’t it all well and good that Luce wanted to spend the rest of his life with him? Yet he just couldn’t believe Luce would willingly choose to subject himself to such a torturous idea. After all, Ravi was too vile, too wretched, too much of an asshole for anyone to want to be with. What in the ever-loving hell was Luce thinking?

     Breathing out a sigh, Luce pressed on, “Then help me understand. Why do you think I shouldn’t stay with you?”

     “Because I don't deserve you!” Ravi pushed himself off of Luce. He couldn’t stop shaking. Everything was going to hell and it was all his fault. “Why would you ever want to be with me, knowing the kind of person I am?”

     “Snowbird---”

     “I get annoyed by you, I call you by all sorts of horrible names, I treat you like shit and you don’t deserve any of it!” His eyes burned but the words would not stop flowing from his mouth. “I don’t deserve you…I sometimes wonder if you know how much I love you and I should be better but I can’t and---”

     Luce closed the distance between them and drew Ravi into his arms, stopping him from saying anything else. Quiet sobs spilled forth from his lips as Ravi clung onto Luce with a strength he didn’t know he had. No amount of comfort would ever silence the voices in his head screaming at him the awful things he’d known about himself for years.

     Selfish. Greedy. Entitled. He never wanted to let Luce go, he wanted him to stay with him till the day he died. But he also knew that wouldn’t be fair to Luce, especially when he’d spent so much of his life unaware of the beauty that laid out there in the world beyond this city. Luce deserved someone better than a guy who’d love to chain him down to him.

     “Ravinn.” Luce pulled Ravi away but still kept an arm around his shoulders. “I want you to look at me, okay?”

     There was no doubt he looked like a downright mess, his eyes red and puffy and his makeup smudged from crying so much. It took him a moment but he slowly raised his head to look at Luce.

     All he saw was a tender understanding as Luce wiped away a tear rolling down his cheek.

     “Listen, I know how hard it is for you to be open and honest with me, or anyone, really. You spent years putting walls up in order to protect yourself and I get it. I do. But that's why it means so much to me that you trust me enough to let them down, to let me in. It makes me happy to know I’ve earned that trust from you.

     “I don’t need to wonder if you love me because I know you do. I see it in all the little things you do for me.” His lips curled up into a fond smile as he reflected back on the past in thought. “You always take the time to listen to me and check in on me whenever I’m having an episode. You think about my boundaries to an almost frustrating degree but I know it’s just your way of letting me have a choice in the matter. You’ve given me things I never had the joy of having as a child…So, so many things, Snowbird. But there’s one very important thing I can’t get from anyone else. Do you know what that is?”

     He couldn’t even begin to guess the answer. What could he have given to Luce that he couldn’t receive from literally anyone else?

     “It’s safety.” Luce took Ravi’s hands into his own, holding them gently. “You make me feel safe, Ravinn. I’m not afraid to be myself around you, to fall apart around you. I’m not scared of you hurting me because I just know you wouldn’t. You and the snowdove are like home to me.

     “I don’t want to go through the rest of my life without you there by my side. That’s why I’m staying with you, no matter how much you think I shouldn’t.” He gave him a soft kiss on the cheek before suppressing a chuckle. “You know, if you didn’t want me to choose, you shouldn’t have told me what I wanted mattered all those years. So this is, in a way, your fault.”

     Ravi bit down on his lip to keep from cursing him out. Just because Luce was right didn’t mean he had to go and say it! Still, that wasn’t enough to stop Ravi from wrapping his arms around him once more and burying his face into his chest. Screw it. He decided to throw something out into the air to show Luce had gotten through to him.

     “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”

     Luce felt safe around him? It was…surprising, especially since Ravi didn’t consider himself strong in any regard. Yet he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him a little happy to hear that. If only he had the courage to admit the feeling was mutual…

     Maybe he’d never fully believe he deserved Luce. Changing one’s way of thinking wasn’t exactly an overnight thing, after all. If he truly wanted to stay with Ravi of his own volition, genuinely and wholeheartedly, then who was he to deny him that? All Ravi knew for sure was that the future was looking a little brighter with the stubborn, tenacious crow known as Luce by his side.

     Softly, his voice barely above a whisper, he said, “I love you, Luce.”

     “I love you too--” Luce placed a hand on the nape of Ravi’s neck, prompting him to look up at him-- “snowbird.”

     Their promise was then sealed with a kiss. It didn’t matter to them how much time passed between now to the day they moved on from this world. They only cared that, for tomorrow, the day after, and every day since then…

     They would stay.

[multisfabulis]

Only Through Acceptance Will Love Find Us

Changes on the Horizon (Chapter 4)

Word Count: 4179

It's been over 7 months since I last updated this fic and it had to be a chapter that has given me the most trouble to write thus far!

I genuinely don't know why writing this had to be so much of a struggle. The rough draft was fine, for the most part! When it came time for the rewrite portion, I just couldn't be satisfied with anything I'd written for it, even after 3 or 4 rewrites. It got so bad that I ended up asking my beta reader/friend for help because I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong and I wanted their input on this to see if they had any suggestions. Then something akin to a miracle happened; I managed to find inspiration from an unlikely source (which I shan't divulge because it is NOT something I want to discuss on a public forum) and I was finally able to write to a degree I was both content with and found quality in. I still struggled with other parts later on but they weren't nearly to the severity the beginning was.

I don't know when the next chapter will be or whether I'll have just as much trouble with it as I did this but it'll be sometime next year! At least I can say I updated this fic more this year than I did last and that's good enough for me.

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     Several hours passed before Ven felt brave enough to open the front door. Her eyes scanned the area for any signs of Renard, hoping she wouldn’t catch a glimpse of blond hair or white clothing. He was sure to be angry with her, enraged even. People like him never took rejection well, especially after being humiliated in such a degrading fashion like he’d been. There was no telling what he might do to her upon seeing her again, which scared the utter shit out of her.

     It was only a kiss. A kiss, something she considered to be far better than whatever else he had planned for her. Yet knowing that did nothing to help calm the anxiety roiling in her stomach. The scene kept replaying over and over again in her head, forcing her to recall each and every disgusting detail. The way his body felt atop hers, how his eyes looked when they met her gaze, the warmth of his breath as their lips were about to touch, it…it made her sick.

     What was she supposed to have done? Should she have tried to fight him off or let him have his way with her? Was living in fear of retaliation better than living with the shame and guilt of allowing him to do that to her? Could she have done something differently to avoid either outcome? What was the right answer here? Was…was there even a right answer?

     She wanted to bash her head against the nearest wall. What was the point in asking herself all these questions? No amount of what-ifs, could haves, and should haves would change what happened. The only thing she could do now was learn from it. Ready herself so she wouldn’t be caught off-guard again. That meant keeping her dagger on her at all times just in case.

     Her mother wouldn’t be home for another few days yet so Ven was determined in holding the fort down until then. Once Mother made a safe return, they would pool their money together and leave Belleurseul at first light. She didn’t know where they would go but anywhere was better than staying here.

     For now, however, she had pets to feed. She walked out to the stable with tentative strides, peeking over her shoulder every so often to see if Renard was waiting for her when she looked back. Thankfully, she reached her destination with little to no issue and she was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

     The animals brayed and clucked at her arrival. She gave them all a smile as she filled one of the troughs with hay for the cows and sheep to munch on before turning around to scatter seed for the chickens. They dug in straight away, acting as if they’d never been fed a day in their life while Ven took the liberty of refilling their water. Then she sat on the stool Mother often used when she’d milk the cows and watched them eat. At least they were happy.

     It wasn’t long before her mind began to wander. What was she going to do about Renard? Dealing with him herself was out of the question since he could easily overpower her if she made any attempts to fight back. That left asking someone for help but who would want to help her in bringing the golden boy of Belleurseul down? That wasn’t even taking into account whether or not anyone would believe her in the first place. She’d be inviting hell to come to her doorstep if she came out about this. Was this what they called being stuck between a rock and a hard place?

     Maybe a walk was in order. A dusky stroll around the woods might do her some good, help clear her mind of things. So she quietly stepped out from the stable and made her way towards the forest that surrounded her house. It may have been stupid to go traipsing through the place so close to nighttime but she knew nothing dangerous lurked in there. She would be all right.

     The sky was streaked with shades of red, orange, and violet as the setting sun cast its golden rays across the land. She walked through the woods with leaves of similar color crunching beneath her feet and a chill beginning to seep into her bones. Some of the trees had already lost their dressings with the coming of winter, which meant the others were sure to follow not long after. She and Mother would need to start stockpiling food soon if they were to survive while on the road.

     Memories of the time she spent here flooded her mind. She remembered how she’d crawl into bushes or climb up trees to hide from imaginary monsters and how she’d dig into the mud after it rained to find and catch worms to bring home. Then there were the days where Mother played with her when she felt well enough to do so and hadn’t had work to do. Those Ven looked back on fondly. She was really going to miss this forest when she and Mother left.

     There was one spot in particular she’d hate to leave behind. Other people would regard it as nothing special but not her. To her, it was her safe space, her home away from home. It was a place she could go to for some peace and quiet when life became too much for her to handle sometimes. She wasn’t sure if there’d be anything like it again outside of Belleurseul. Knowing her luck, the universe would take it away from her just as she found it so she wasn’t feeling optimistic.

     Her heart stirred upon arriving at a familiar clearing. What greeted her first was the hill with its tall grass that stopped at her knees as she passed through. Then it was the climb up to the top of the hill. Awaiting her there was the rolling countryside bathed in light and the multicolored expanse looming above it. Seeing that in all its glory always brought about a sense of wanderlust, a desire to go and explore everything the view had to offer. This was why she loved coming to this place.

     She sat down amid the grass, basking in the fading sunlight. The wind ruffled her hair and clothes as she drew her knees up to her chest to keep herself from shivering in the cold. The sight was as beautiful as always to behold. Yet looking far off into the distance did little to quell her mind.

     What laid beyond Belleurseul’s walls? What was the world like outside the confines of her cage? It all seemed so grand and vast to her that she wondered if she’d ever see only a fraction of what there was. She longed for the call of adventure, yearned for it with every fiber of her being. However, there was one thing she wanted more than anything else, something she coveted with her very soul. When would they finally come into her life to rid her of her loneliness? When?

     Her gaze wandered over to a lone dandelion standing beside her. She thought it strange to find one blooming out of season here, especially with it being so close to winter and all. It was then she remembered an old superstition she heard about them way back when she was a child. If one were to blow the seeds off it, it would make their dreams and wishes come true. It never worked for her in the past but she had the urge to try it again, if only for nostalgia’s sake.

     Plucking it out from the ground, she held it up to her face. Was she really going to do this? Was she really going to rely on an old fairy tale to help bring her happiness? God, it sounded so stupid, so childish, so embarrassing to trust in something like this but it was the only thing she had left at this point. So, with reddened cheeks, she closed her eyes and made her wish.

     ‘I wish to meet my prince.’

     Thus the seeds were scattered to the wind, carried off in the direction of wherever it blew to. She watched them vanish from sight, hoping someone out there in the great beyond heard her and granted her wish. Maybe, just maybe, this was the way to go about it. Only time would tell if it worked or not.

     Then there was what sounded like clattering behind her. She hastily rose to her feet, her hand going straight to where she had her dagger sheathed on her thigh. Her heart pounded in her ears at the thought of facing Renard again but she wasn’t planning on going down without a fight. She would scar the bastard right where it hurt the most so everyone knew of what he had done. She waited in anticipation for his arrival, her eyes trained on the opening she walked out of not too long ago.

     However, her would-be intruder wasn’t Renard. It was Dahlia, trotting out of the forest with Mother’s cart still attached to her. There was still cause for concern, though, when her rider appeared to not be in the driver’s seat controlling her. That sent alarm bells ringing throughout Ven’s head.

     “Dahlia?” She stepped forward to hold Dahlia’s face in her hands. “Dollie, what happened? Where’s Mother?”

     The horse only pushed her muzzle closer to her. It was times like these Ven really wished animals had the ability to talk. Quick glances over at the cart revealed mud caked on the wheels and marks resembling scratches along the sides of the wood. Were they attacked by a pack of wild animals on the road? Whatever the case may be, she needed to get to the bottom of it.

     Detaching the cart from Dahlia, Ven climbed up on her saddle and ordered, “All right, girl, take me to where Mother is! Quick!”

     With that, Dahlia galloped back in the direction she came from. Ven’s mind raced a thousand miles a minute as they hurried to wherever Mother was, wondering just what happened to her yesterday. It couldn’t have been anything good, judging by the marks left on the cart. Still, now wasn’t the time to be thinking of the worst-case scenario. She needed to remain calm and focused on finding Mother. She was going to bring her home safe and sound, despite her intrusive thoughts saying otherwise.

     Night descended upon them right when they reached yet another forest shrouded in darkness. Dahlia slowed to a walk as she sniffed along the ground in an attempt to find and track Mother’s scent. Wolves howled in the distance, scaring Ven more than she had been previously. So they were the ones responsible for attacking the cart, she thought with a grimace as her grip on the reins tightened ever so slightly. Suddenly, the horse let out a whinny and broke off into a trot.

     It was a short time later they stumbled across it. A large castle with a moonlit veil stood before her, everything except its shape obscured in shadow. She could just barely make out its arched windows set in the walls above and the chiseled stonework that gave this building its form. She would’ve doubted Mother being here if it weren’t for the odd lack of sentries keeping watch at the front gate. A noble wouldn’t leave their home unguarded for no reason, right? Was it possible then Mother took shelter here, believing it to be empty?

     Slowly but surely, they walked through the gate. Shivers ran up her spine at the idea of entering this creepy place alone but she wouldn’t be deterred. She came here with a goal in mind and nothing was going to stop her from returning home with Mother in one piece. Climbing off of Dahlia, she approached the set of heavy-looking doors that laid up ahead of her. When a couple knocks earned her no response, she decided ‘to hell with it’ and headed inside by herself.

     She stepped into what she presumed to be a foyer. The door slammed shut behind her with a loud thud and she nearly jumped out of her skin in fright. She waited for servants to accost her, question her on who she was and what she was doing here in the middle of the night. Yet no one came, leaving her to wonder if the castle truly was abandoned or if she had just caught a lucky break. Either way, it certainly made it easier for her to try finding her mother in this place. Steeling her nerves, she ascended up the grand staircase.

     “Mother?” she called out, her voice bouncing off the walls and high ceiling. “Mother, are you here?”

     No answer. Whether that was good or bad, wasting time around here wasn’t going to prove anything. She stopped upon reaching the landing and looked up at the darkened hallways on the second floor. She didn’t want to be here longer than was necessary so picking the right way to go was key. Deliberating on it for a few moments, she chose to search the east wing. Her footsteps echoed all throughout the room as she climbed the stairs and entered the left corridor.

     She was terrified. She wasn’t one to believe in ghosts and such but the creaking of wood underfoot, noises she could swear were whispers, and the feeling of eyes drilling into her were making her think otherwise. The suits of armor she’d occasionally pass by didn’t help matters, either. Still, she continued onward, determined to be brave in the face of potential danger.

     “Mother? Mother, are you here?” She turned round a corner and found herself in another dark hallway. “Mother, if you’re here, please answer me. I…I need you to say something.”

     “Oh, are you with miss Ravavyre?” a voice replied to her left.

     She stopped dead in her tracks. There weren’t any doors she recalled walking past so who did that voice belong to? She looked in the direction of where it came from, spotting a lone candelabra sitting atop a nearby table. Nothing seemed to suggest the presence of another person but she was sure she didn’t hallucinate that.

     Retracing her steps, she answered, “…Ye-yes but who are you? I ask that you show yourself.”

     “I’m over here, miss!” They sounded closer but she still couldn’t see them.

     She decided to approach the small end table. There wasn’t anything on it to indicate someone was talking to her through it, like a loudspeaker or a similar device, yet she was sure this was where she heard it from. Then it hit her. Was the candelabra itself speaking to her?

     “H-hello?” she quietly called. She waited for an answer, something to prove to her she wasn’t crazy. Nothing happened. “Of course, what was I thinking? Random inanimate objects don’t speak, Ven, what were you---”

     The candelabra sprung to life and excitedly replied, “Hello, miss!”

     She screamed as she jumped backward and fell to the floor. Okay, scratch what she was thinking earlier, she had to be going mad because there was no way in hell a candelabra just talked to her. It hopped down from the table and started making its way toward her with its wicks brightly lit. She needed to run, hightail it outta there, but she was frozen. Crap, crap, crap!

     “Calm down, miss, you’ve nothing to be afraid of!” it said, waving its arms in a motion that was meant to be nonthreatening. “It’s all right, I won’t---”

     Remembering her dagger, she whipped it out from its holster and pointed it in the candelabra’s direction, ordering, “Stay right there! Don’t come any closer!”

     “All right, all right!” It did as it was told, keeping its arms up. “Listen, miss, my name is Fria, okay? You’re looking for your mother, who happens to be miss Nithenoel Ravavyre, correct?”

     She eyed him suspiciously. He knew who her mother was and he didn’t seem to be harboring some hidden agenda or ulterior motive. After having her dagger trained on him for a few moments, she breathed out a sigh and dropped her hand. He had information she needed so she had to play ball with him. The second he tried anything, though, she wouldn’t hesitate to punt him across the room.

     “Yes, that’s her,” she answered, sheathing her dagger. “I apologize for my rudely behavior, I’m not used to talking candles and---”

     “It is quite all right, miss,” he assured her with a smile. He hopped up to her and took her hand between his to kiss it. At least he was a gentleman, if nothing else. “Would you like me to take you to her? I’m sure she’d be quite happy to see you.”

     Forgoing any pretense of subtlety, she said, “Yes, please, I…I was so worried when our horse came back home without her and I just wanna know if she’s okay.”

     “Aside from some minor injuries, she is all right, I promise.” Fria turned away to face the darkness up ahead. “Come, follow me. I’ll take you to where her room is.”

     “R-right!” She rose to her feet and fell in line behind him. “Thank you, Fria, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

     “It is all well and good. By the way, might I ask you for your name?”

     “It’s…Venlithea but I prefer to be called Ven.”

     “Ah, pretty name for a pretty girl.”

     The corners of her mouth curled up into a tight smile. He only said it to be nice, not because he actually meant it. Besides, even if he did, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to take it as a compliment after the day she’d had today. Renard thought she was and that turned out so well, didn’t it? So she decided to just brush it off as she followed after Fria down the long corridor.

     The glow from the candlelight made venturing through this a little easier, which she was grateful for. She could see windows that were as tall as the ceiling with their curtains drawn to her left and large portraits hanging on the wall to her right. The people shown in them were from a family she didn’t recognize and their name didn’t ring any bells in her memory. What were they like? They had to be interesting folks if they had someone like Fria as one of their servants.

     “So, tell me, miss Ven--” Fria started, breaking Ven out of her reverie-- “how did you find your way here? I’m curious to know if you happened upon us by accident or if you knew of us beforehand.”

     “Oh, no, I didn’t know anything about this place. When Dahlia, the horse I mentioned earlier, came home without Mother, I simply asked her to take me to where she was and I guess she tracked her scent and led me here. This is actually my first time ever leaving home so this is all new to me.”

     “Ah, I see. I must say, you’re very brave for going through that dark forest all by yourself. At your age, no less!”

     She resisted the urge to trickle some bite into her words as she corrected him with, “You appear to be mistaken, Fria. I only just turned 18 a few months ago so I’m not as young as you believe me to be.”

     “Ah, I apologize, miss. Regardless, I commend you for your effort. It must not have been easy for you.”

     They fell silent shortly before arriving at their destination. The anticipation was killing her as Fria knocked on the door several times to see if the person they were here for was behind them. A voice that sounded similar to Mother’s answered and he announced he had a visitor with him. It was at this point Ven couldn’t wait any longer. She took hold of the handle and swung it open.

     The first thing she saw was her mother, who was in the process of getting out of a king-sized bed. Then her eyes laid on the bandages wrapped around her arms and the parts of her legs that were left bare. Her clothes were different from the ones she was wearing yesterday and her hair was tied back into a singular ponytail as opposed to the usual four braids. Finally, there was the simple cane she grabbed on to help her stand as her eyes widened in surprise at Ven.

     “Thea, when did you---”

     “Mother!” She all but tackled her into a tight hug, burying her face in her chest. “God, I was so worried about you! When Dahlia came back home alone, I thought you had---”

     “It’s all right, sweetheart, I’m okay.” She felt Mother return the hug with just as much strength as a hand stroked her back. “It’ll take a lot more than that to knock out this old woman.”

     Tears sprung to Ven’s eyes as Mother let out a hearty laugh. Having her in her arms again like this after worrying over whether she was dead or not caused the dam she’d been building since Renard’s assault earlier to burst. Sobs wracked through her body as she cried like a child in her embrace, much to her mother’s bemusement. She needed this, especially with everything that happened today.

     Pulling away to dry her tears, Mother asked, “Did you really miss me that much, Thea? I said I’d be back!”

     “...Yeah, I did,” Ven replied, hoping she didn’t hear the hesitation in her voice.

     “Well--” she wiped away another tear as she chuckled-- “I know I shouldn’t say this but it does warm my heart to see how much you love me.”

     Ven choked back a laugh. She hated lying to her mother but she couldn’t bear having her know the truth. She’d feel so guilty for leaving her there alone to be taken advantage of and that was the last thing Ven wanted. They just had to pool their money together, then they’d be gone from Belleurseul sooner rather than later. They wouldn’t have to put up with Renard ever again.

     Their happy reunion was briefly interrupted by Fria telling them Ven was free to stay the night and dinner would be served shortly. There was just the matter of letting the Master know about the new guest but Fria was able to ease their fears with assurances of him being fine with it. The Master, known as Ferreth, seemed like a decent enough person if he allowed her mother to stay here free of charge. Ven wanted to thank him for taking care of her before the day was over.

     Still, today was…a lot. The pain of losing her dear friend still lingered but having her mother there to comfort her made it easier to handle. They were planning to return home tomorrow so as to not be a burden on the people living here. They were the kind to not overstay their welcome. As much as she dreaded the possibility of facing Renard again, she’d be brave and prove she wasn’t scared of him. She would just need to act the hell out of it.

     Tonight, she would rest. Reality could wait.

[multisfabulis]

Resonance

Word Count: 1274

TW: Incestuous undertones, strangulation, and major character death

This is my first attempt at writing horror so I apologize if it's not particularly scary!

God, I've loved this series since I was in middle school. While the second game isn't my favorite among the original trilogy (that goes to 3), it's definitely the most memorable due to the setting, the villain, and its ending. I know this fic is going out to an inactive fandom but sometimes you want to write something just for the heck of it!

One last thing! This work was beta'd by my good friend rosemaryblues! They don't really know much of FF outside of the little I've told them about it so they were kinda befuddled with a lot of what happens here but they still tried their best to beta this so thank you!

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     Mayu woke with a start. How much time had passed between now and when she had dozed off? The soft breeze flowing in from outside and the rhythmic clacking of pinwheels tempted her to lull back off.

    ��She was so, so tired. Her trips all around the village had rendered her legs sore as her mind struggled to stay focused on the task at hand. She was basically running on fumes.

     Her head flared in pain. The migraines had started appearing after she had seen that mysterious woman wearing a blood-stained kimono. Nothing she did was able to soothe the aching. They were eating away at her, eroding her sanity little by little. She needed to get out of the village as soon as possible; lest she’d lose herself completely.

     Memories floated up to the surface. Some were happy; ones of her playing with her sister and of the festivals they went to together. Others carried with them feelings of regret and sadness – The accident that left her with a permanent limp, her and her twin fleeing from the villagers, discovering the body of her friend hanging in the storehouse.

     Wait, that wasn’t right. She hadn't been chased, she didn’t know who that boy was in the jail. Or did she? Which of these memories were hers and what were hers? What was happening to her?

     There was a shuffling beside her. Her heart stirred in her chest as her eyes landed upon the form of her beloved Mio. Mio was working on something, something that was said to help them escape from the village if they could figure out the puzzle's solution as well.

     Mayu was just happy to have her back. The time they had spent apart from one another hurt her more than the migraines. It seemed her brain could only settle when Mio was around. She neither needed nor wanted anything else.

     A sound, like a mechanism opening, could be heard in the distance. Mio stepped back and turned towards her with a tired smile on her face. Mayu quickly closed her eyes once more. A hand grasped onto her shoulder and gently shook her. Mio called her name in soft whispers. She wished to hear her utter it more when they returned home together.

     They were almost there. All they needed to do now was through to the secret passage and never look back. A part of her was happy to see how close they were to freedom yet another felt hesitant in following through on this plan. Something was telling her to stay in the village and complete the ritual. They couldn’t, it wasn’t their job to succeed where the villagers had failed. Her voice begged her, pleaded with her to finish the ritual. It was only through taking Mio’s hand she managed to force the beckoning voice out of her mind for the time being.

     Their hands stayed entwined as they made their way to the shrine. Her head was pounding but she soldiered on, keeping herself sane by thinking of her sister. Dear, sweet Mio had done so much to protect her and always came to her beck and call whenever she needed her. The thought of drifting away from one another was an ache she couldn't describe. They’d been together for so long that a world, a life without Mio by her side terrified her more than death itself. Were these feelings truly hers or were they hers? Why wasn’t she able to tell anymore?

     It was at the shrine they were ambushed. The villagers were able to separate them and trap her within their little circle, cutting her off from Mio. They led her to the place she was meant to be at, the place that would soon become her tomb. If she was fated to die, then she had only one wish.

     She wanted Mio to stay away, leave her behind. She wanted her to kill her, let Mayu become one with her. Which was it? The result would remain the same, the only difference was if she’d die alone or die with her sister. No matter what happened, she’d forgive Mio for her choice.

     She felt herself fading. The last vestiges of her consciousness was spent calling out for her sister.

     A scream bounced off the walls as Mayu collapsed. Thankfully, her sister was there to save her from falling to the ground by catching her in her arms. It almost felt like an embrace. Mayu smiled through the exhaustion seeping into her bones, happy to have her beloved Mio back by her side. She was content in knowing her face would be the last thing she’d see before her death at her hands. All she wanted now was to become one with Mio.

     She lied back, guiding Mio’s hands up to her neck. This was her destiny, her fate, the end of her story. They may not be able to spend forever together but performing the ritual would allow them to be one. She’d rather live on as a butterfly than go through life separated from her sister. She waited in anticipation for Mio to choke the breath out of her, squeeze until her heart stopped beating in her chest. Oh, how she wished she could convey the joy it’d bring her.

     Then Mio backed away. There were whispers of how she couldn’t do it, how she didn’t want to hurt her, and that killing her would be wrong. Mayu knew this, of course. She admitted as much; Mio wouldn’t dare cause her pain, no matter how much she begged and pleaded for it. Something within her gave way. Tears began rolling down her cheeks as crazed laughter spilled from her lips.

     If they weren’t able to become one, then she didn’t mind staying in hell. Mayu would be okay living in the dark so long as Mio was there with her through it all. That would be better than Mio moving on without her. Mio was her whole world and she’ll be damned if she let anything get between them.

     Mayu crouched down in front of Mio. She cupped her face, watching her eyes widen in fear as the realization of what was happening dawned on her. There was no need to be scared, not when they would be together forever. Mayu’s hands slid down to her neck, her slender fingers wrapping themselves around her throat. Then she began to squeeze, firmly, thumbs stroking as if to comfort her.

     A voice in the back of her head was telling her to stop. It sounded oddly familiar but she couldn’t figure out why. Anguish flashed across Mio’s face and Mayu’s heart broke a little at the sight. If only she could assure her that the pain would last but a moment before fading, that it would all be over soon…

     As her chest heaved one final time, a whispered “I love you” was spoken into the wind.

     They were in the Great Hall. Mayu sat among the cut-up corpses with Mio laying across her lap, moonlight showering down on them from above. Her fingers carded through dark tresses lovingly, reverently. Was it possible for Mio to feel her tender strokes and caresses? It’d be a shame if she couldn’t.

     A crimson butterfly fluttered into the room, settling onto Mio’s shoulder. Mayu paid it no mind as she continued brushing sister's hair.

     The ritual hadn’t gone through so the chances were low yet not impossible. Mayu was almost inclined to believe this to be better than being one with Mio.

     They were in hell but they were, at least, together at last.

[multisfabulis]

The Mage and his Apprentice

Word Count: 7692

TW: Past childhood abuse

This fic was a surprise in more ways than one. I never thought I'd write another DazAtsu fic so soon after my last one (9 months is early for me when it comes to fanfics), especially one with an AU. Usually, it's me throwing my OCs into an established universe and making up little scenarios in my head like the 16 year old I haven't been in almost ten years but this was special. I can't remember exactly what it was but someone made a Tweet talking about Dazai and Atsushi's dynamic and how there wasn't really a similar one between other characters in other series way back in March and my brain was like "What about Elias and Chise from 'The Ancient Magus Bride'?". One thing led to another, I went nuts, and that's how this fic came to be.

So two things! One was that I kept Atsushi's age as 18 instead of aging him down to 15 like Chise because I personally would've felt uncomfortable writing 15-year-old Atsushi eventually ending up in a relationship with Dazai, who's significantly older than him and does some things that are...questionable (nothing sexual, I promise!) towards him. The other thing is that I removed the "buying your future spouse" element entirely. Even if I did like the trope, I just don't think Dazai would buy someone for the purpose of marrying them. I mean, it's kinda hard to vow "till death do us part" when your husband's actively trying to kill himself every other day. Not to mention removing this from the plot, I feel, makes the romance more...organic? if that makes sense.

I do plan on making this a series of sorts! There are a lot of chapters I wanna adapt from the AMB manga to fit this AU and trust me, I've got some ideas on how to handle some parts! However, I'm only doing the chapters I want to do and have thought a lot about, meaning the next fic in this will likely be an adaption of chapter 6, which is a big jump from chapter 1. At the very least, they will be posted in chronological order so there's that!

One last thing, this was originally going to be beta'd and it still will be! It just came down to a scheduling conflict between my beta reader and I due to circumstances out of our control so this fic will be beta'd and edited to match sometime in the near future! Once that happens, I'll be sure to credit them in this section so you know who to thank for this!

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[multisfabulis]

Through Loss Comes A Second Chance

Word Count: 4433

TW: Mention of suicide

It has been a hot minute since I last wrote anything, especially for the Kagepro fandom. The last fic I wrote was "Love's Descent into Madness", where its last chapter was posted almost two years ago in December. At least I can say I posted this on the tail-end of August!

So I've had this idea floating around in my brain for a few years now. I can't remember exactly what brought this on but I do know I hadn't seen much of anything for Momo and Ene and I wanted to rectify that. I just chose to kill Shintaro off since I feel like that would've been the most likely scenario for how these two would've come together and become friends. I'm becoming yet another pioneer for a dynamic I think the fandom has slept on!

One last thing I want to mention is that this was actually beta'd! I normally don't let others touch my work because I'm kinda a control freak and the very idea of having someone come in and make edits of my work is extremely terrifying but my friend, who is one of the very few people I WOULD trust with this, offered to beat read this and I took them up on it. They ended up doing such a good job, I decided to post it! They deserve credit for this so thank you, rosemaryblues!

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     Weeks had passed since that day. Just how many, Ene wasn’t sure. Honestly, if it weren’t for the clock in the lower right-hand corner of the desktop screen, she wouldn’t have even known a day had gone by. Time stopped mattering to her the moment her reason for living in this world left her behind.

     What point was there in being alive now? The one person that gave her a shred of purpose in life was dead, along with everyone else she knew. What was she supposed to do? Was she to waste away in the confines of his computer until its power supply shut down permanently? Or go back to cyberspace and let the guilt consume her there? She didn’t care either way.

     The room felt like it had been frozen in time since his death. His bed was still unmade from when he’d woken up that morning, the piles of trash forever on the floor he never got around to picking up; even his desk had stayed littered with his beloved soda bottles. Ene hadn’t found the strength to put his files back to how they were originally. She was afraid of touching anything in fear she’d accidentally delete it and destroy what little remained of him. They may all have just been code but they were as real to her as the world on the other side of the screen was.

     She never imagined a day like this would come. A day in which she’d lose everything she’d worked so hard to regain. She felt so lost without him here. Her whole world practically revolved around him, from talking with him throughout all hours of the day to playing pranks on him in the hopes it’d get his full attention. He was her only source of companionship and now he was gone. Maybe she was just doomed to live alone for the rest of her life.

     There was a noise at the door. It was a sound she hadn’t heard in quite a while. Taken aback, she hid automatically behind one of the folders on the desktop screen. There was only one person she knew who would come in here. Her hunch was proven to be correct when a familiar teenage girl walked in.

     It was Momo, his little sister. She looked positively awful, and it wasn’t hard to guess why. Her hair looked like it hadn’t been brushed in days, her clothes as if she had slept in them, her eyes with heavy shadows under them. It was heartbreaking seeing her like this, not at all like the perfect idol Ene usually saw plastered across the various corners of the web. Momo crossed the threshold into his room and closed the door behind her, her gaze fixated to the ground.

     The two of them were acquaintances at best. Ene had first met Momo weeks into her stay here and they’d occasionally talk here and there. It was shocking to see just how alike the siblings’ were to each other. Yet, unlike her brother, she had been doing far better for herself. Balancing the work she did as an idol while also attending school to the best of her ability was more than any 16 year old girl could reasonably handle but she did it all with a bright, cheerful smile.

     But that was before. Her talent agency had put her on a leave of absence once word had reached them, giving her time to mourn and recover from her loss. Ene remembered reading the article about it when it came out and a minuscule seed of relief had bloomed within her. She may have been grieving over him as well but he was Momo's family. She only knew him for a year while Momo grew up with him. There was no telling how badly this was affecting her.

     The siblings’ relationship was…complicated, to say the least. Momo could hardly stand to be in the same room as him and he generally kept to himself just about all the time. However, there was no doubting his love for her. He wasn’t very loud or showy with it but Ene knew him well enough to see his own way of expressing it. She wondered if Momo had any idea of it beneath her disdain for him.

     Ene watched as Momo slowly made her way towards the bed. Her fingers brushed over the sheets before she decided to sit down on the edge. Her head had been bowed the entire time, seeming to have not noticed Ene’s presence. She had to strain her ears to hear what Momo muttered under her breath:

     “What am I doing here?”

     She was taking this hard. Losing a relative was never easy but this was her second time now losing someone close to her. Ene didn’t know much about their family history but she knew the siblings’ father died several years ago while visiting the beach with Momo. Their mother had also ended up in the hospital after nearly overworking herself to death to care for her two children. Such things is why Momo decided to try and bring in an income herself. Oh god, had she been trying to handle this all by herself?

     Momo rose from the bed. She walked towards the nearest bookcase where his books and manga sat. Her hand skimmed over the spines of each one on the shelf closest to her before she plucked a thin, paperback novel out from it. She flipped through the pages, sighed, and put it back in its place, repeating this process with several other books.

     Ene slowly approached the front of the screen, her activity bringing the computer out of its weeks-long sleep. It lit up the room where it was facing and it caught Momo’s attention. She turned to greet her. “Oh, Ene-chan. I forgot you were here.”

     Her voice sounded weak, fragile to the point where she seemed to be only one second away from falling apart. That listless demeanor of hers didn’t suit her at all. It was too familiar to her brother’s and it made Ene worry.

     What was she to say here? She knew Momo wasn’t okay and she had just as much right to be in his room as she did, maybe even more so. Dumbfounded, she decided to ask, “Is there anything I can help you with?”

     “Could you--” her voice cracked, prompting her to clear her throat-- “could you…tell me what he was like?”

     “Huh?" Ene was a little taken aback.

     “What was my brother like? I figured, since you spent more time with him than anyone else did, I might’ve…” she paused, her head turned back to face the bookcase, “gotten to learn about him.”

     So that was it. The siblings’ relationship was complicated on both sides, that much she understood, but was it really that strained? Sure, they argued and fought with each other like most siblings did but was that all they did? If so, then it was no wonder why Momo was asking this of her. In her eyes, a virtual stranger like Ene had seen more of her brother in a year than his own sister had throughout their whole lives together. It was enough for Ene to pity her.

     If telling her about him was what she wished, then Ene would oblige. “Master was…a stubborn man. It was always his way or the highway on most things and it’d take forever for him to see things from my perspective. He also never listened to me, it was in one ear and out the other. Whenever I’d ask him to clean up around here or eat something that wasn’t junk food, he’d either brush it off or get mad at me! Me, someone who was just looking out for him when he couldn’t do it himself!”

     That earned a snort from Momo. “That sounds about right. If even you couldn’t get through to him, no one could.”

     “I felt more like his mother than his servant at times.” She let out a heavy sigh, despite the smile growing across her face. “I know waking him up wasn’t what I signed up for but him sleeping in till noon was unacceptable! That’s why I’d turn the volume up and scare the crap out of him on some mornings!”

     “That’s what that noise was?!” There was more emotion to her voice now. “I just thought he forgot he wasn’t the only one living here…”

     “Yeah, it was so funny watching him jump out of the bed and beg me to turn it off,” she answered through fits of giggles. “And he was never grateful for it! Trying to get a thank you from him was like pulling teeth!”

     Momo burst into laughter after that. It felt good to see her smile again, especially since she looked like a zombie when she crossed through the door. Ene was happy she was able to bring some comfort to her. Sharing the memories she had of him lessened the weight on her shoulders and kept the pain of missing him at bay. It was a nice respite from the heavy toll the past few weeks took on her.

     Then Momo fell quiet. Maybe she thought it was inappropriate to be even a little joyful so soon after his death, or her grief became too much for her to hold back any longer. Whatever the case may be, her shoulders drooped as she went to pick out another book. A few moments of silence passed before she spoke, breaking the lull in their conversation.

     “Ene-chan…do you know why my brother became a shut-in two years ago?”

     The question blindsided her. Of course she knew why he spent every waking hour in this tiny room. His guilt in how he treated Ayano before her suicide was the main contributing factor, though Ene supposed her and Haruka’s deaths didn’t help matters either. It was through her showing up when she did that delayed what might’ve been his inevitable end. There were too many things she couldn’t tell Momo about, if only because there was no easy way of explaining it.

     Their story was too interconnected. It was too full of pain, sorrow, and regret and Ene had no desire to talk about it. She could lie to her but Momo deserved to know the truth. Or something resembling it at least. She settled on the omission of certain facts, ambiguities that would serve their purpose well enough.

     “Master was very…troubled.” She clasped her hands. “A lot went on in his head, things I can’t say I was ever privy to. There were times he’d say or do something that set alarm bells off in me but I’d just brush it aside and try to help him in the best way I knew how.” Yet it wasn’t enough. “I can’t speak as to why he shut himself up in here but I’m sure he must’ve had a good reason to not tell you why.”

     Momo’s body stiffened as she whispered, “I see.”

     Ene could tell she was gutted by her answer. The past two years had to be both hard and frustrating for her as his sister. There was no doubt she loved her brother but his general apathy and their similar personalities had made communication between each other difficult. Momo must’ve been so desperate to help him out in any way she could, she just didn’t know how. Why did he have to leave her alone to clean up his mess? Ene thought bitterly.

     “It’s just like him,” Momo muttered derisively. It was a tone Ene heard him use against her all the time but never from Momo. It was at that point she turned around to face her, holding a thick, heavy-looking book in her hands. She began walking towards her, saying, “It’s just like my brother to not tell me anything. After all, it’s not like he ever cared about me.” Momo’s eyes had tears threatening to spill over at any moment. “He probably thought I would just make things worse.”

     “That’s not it, he---”

     “So then why?!” She suddenly threw the book across the other side of the room. It hit the wall and landed on the floor. “Why did he have to go and do this?! Did-did he ever stop and think about what would happen if he did this?! What about me, what about mom?! It was bad enough losing dad and now he’s gone too? Didn’t he know that…” Her voice cracked as tears rolled down her cheeks. “-that I would’ve helped him? He may have been weird and creepy and gross but…he was still my brother, so I…” Sobs wracked Momo’s body as she hugged herself tight.

     “I can’t claim to know what went through Master’s head when he…” Ene paused. A small flash of sorrow pierced her heart. She swallowed it with a heavy breath. “But what I can tell you is that he may not have wanted to burden you with his problems.”

     Sniffling, Momo wiped away her tears as she asked, “B-burden me?”

     “You already had school and idol work to deal with y'know? So he probably didn’t want you stressing yourself out even more by worrying about him.” Another sadder possibility crossed her mind. “Maybe…maybe he thought you’d be better off without him.”

     “I…” She sniffled again, taking a step forward. “I don’t know what to believe. He just never showed any sign of caring about me and---”

     “He did, I can attest to that.” Ene flitted over to a folder in the upper left-hand corner and peeked into it. “Here, I’ll show you.”

     She threw several files out across the screen, some of which were images and videos he downloaded off the Internet while others were of MP3s he had bought. Whether it was promotional material, clips of her concerts, or songs she released on streaming platforms, he archived everything he could of Momo. This was the one folder Ene had never touched because she knew how important it was to him. She was an only child in her past life, so she was almost envious of the other girl for having an older brother who was so supportive of her.

     Approaching the desk, Momo’s eyes flickered over all the windows popping up and asked, “Are these…of me?”

     “He may not have expressed it but Master loved you very much,” Ene replied, tucking herself into the corner so as to not block anything. “He listened to and shared your music whenever a new song would come out, read every article you were in, and watched clips of your concerts from fans who’d record your performances and post them up on social media.”

     “Why…didn’t he ever mention this?” She pulled the chair away from his desk and sat down in it. “Why did he keep this secret?”

     “I don’t know. But he never stopped supporting you, even when things got…too difficult for him.” She floated as close to the screen as possible, keeping her face hidden from view. “Don’t ever doubt how much he cared about you. Please, for his sake.”

     Rolling up to the desk, Momo took hold of the mouse. She clicked on one of the many windows displayed; a picture of her striking a pose she had done on the cover of a magazine. She closed it and clicked on another; a clip of a recent concert she had done. The corners of her mouth curved up slightly as she watched herself trip and face-plant in front of hundreds of people live on stage. Ene observed this all in rapt silence.

     Fresh tears slid down her face as a pained smile stretched across her face, saying, “God, it’s just like him to keep track of me like a weirdo…”

     This was only a glimpse into what their dynamic was like during the rare times they interacted with each other and she was sure Momo missed those days. She must’ve wanted that sense of normalcy back so she wouldn’t face the reality of his death. Ene knew what that was like all too well.

     “Is it weird to miss him if I didn’t know him that well?” Momo asked as she wiped away her tears with her arm. “Sometimes I wonder…if I just reached out to him, if I said something to him, would he still be here?”

     “You couldn’t have known.” Ene wished she could pass through the screen at that moment. “It’s no use thinking about what you could’ve done differently.”

     “But if I had just tried harder, if I had just pushed him to tell me…” She hung her head as she stifled a sob. “What kind of sister am I?! He supported me all this time and yet I couldn’t do the same for him! It’s my fault, it’s---”

     “Momo!” She hadn’t meant to shout but it was the first thing that leapt into her head. The other girl snapped to attention. “It’s not your fault. If anything, it’s mine because I’m the one he talked the most with, he spent time with. If I hadn’t pulled that stupid prank, if I had just come back sooner, he’d…”

     It was then she noticed it. It started off with one or two droplets before the dam burst and she was suddenly crying. She dropped to her knees, covering her face with her hands as her chest constricted in agonizing pain. He wasn’t coming back, she knew that. But did she really? No longer would he be upset at her for playing her practical jokes on him, pleading with her to not post his embarrassing pictures online. He was gone and it was all her fault.

     She couldn’t save anyone. Not Haruka, not Shintaro, not even her own damn self when it mattered the most. They were all dead and nothing was ever going to change that fact. What was she to do now? The only person left that seemed to care for her was gone because she wasn’t able to get through to him. The sin of his death weighed down on her like a rock as she sank further and further into---

     “Ene-chan!” Momo’s voice broke her out of her downward spiral. Ene looked up to see her face super close to the screen. “It wasn’t your fault! It’s like you said, we couldn’t have known so please…” She lowered her head, tears falling onto the desk. “Please don’t blame yourself for what happened. I…I forgive you!”

     Momo, someone who had all the right in the world to blame her for her brother’s suicide, forgave her? She wasn’t one to say things without meaning them so she had to be for real…right?

     Wiping her face with her sleeve, she said, “I don’t know what I did to deserve such a thing but…thank you.” Then she smiled as the realization hit her. “I bet Master would’ve loved having two girls cry over him like the creep he was.”

     “Oh god…” There was some semblance of a laugh in her voice at the joke. “He would, wouldn’t he?”

     They spent the next few minutes in near silence. Ene gave Momo some privacy to recompose herself but couldn’t help glancing her way every so often. She had a feeling she’d be okay after this. Even if it took time still, there would come a day where the guilt of living would subside and she’d be happy again. Ene believed that was what Shintaro would’ve wanted for her to.

     “Hey, Ene-chan?” Momo called out. “What are you planning to do now that my brother’s gone?”

     That was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? She didn’t dare tell Momo about what she thought of doing before she had entered the room. It wouldn’t be right worrying her over such depressing things. She did, however, know she did NOT want to go back to cyberspace again. She already spent one year in that goddamn lonely place.

     “I don’t know,” Ene replied, looking down at her hands to avoid Momo’s gaze. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

     “Maybe…” A pause, then an exhale. “Maybe this is the chance for you to live your own life from now on.” This made Ene lift her head. “I mean, you spent a lot of time with my brother, right? So I was thinking this might be a good opportunity for you to do that since you don’t have anyone to look out for anymore.”

     She had a point. It wasn’t like her days with Shintaro weren’t some of the most fun and happiest she had since becoming Ene. Many of the skills she learned were for the purposes of fucking with him so she didn’t know how useful they’d be outside that periphery. Not to mention the lack of a physical body limited her options as well.

     “I was also thinking…” Momo’s voice broke through her reverie. “Well, I know it’s selfish of me to ask this but…would you be okay with staying here for a little while longer? With me, maybe?” Ene was taken aback by her proposition. Then the other girl grew flustered, clarifying, “Only if you want to, though! I didn’t wanna make it seem like I was kicking you out or anything, that’s why I was asking and it’s fine if you don’t, I just---”

     “Yes! I’ll--” she cut in before Momo lost her mind-- “I’ll stay.”

     A moment passed for her answer to sink in and she said with a smile, “Thank you, Ene-chan. I think if we stick together, we can help each other out so…let’s become good friends, okay?”

     For the first time since that day, she felt hopeful for the future.

     After traversing through what seemed like rows upon rows of graves, they finally arrived at their destination. It had taken them a while to figure out where it could have been, not helped by Momo’s terrible sense of direction. It was when they were deep inside the cemetery Ene was able to read the familiar characters inscribed on the stone monument to realize they had found it. So there, standing just before them, laid the final resting place of Shintaro Kisaragi.

     Months had passed since his death and the two girls were still adjusting to a life without him in it. However, the burden that had been weighing heavily on them since then had lessened somewhat. The pain was easier to manage now. Ene was taking steps to venture outside of his PC with every new day while Momo had gone back to work better than ever before. Most of all, their relationship had blossomed beautifully to the point where they considered each other to be best friends.

     Today was special. They both felt emotionally secure enough to come here, which was saying a lot after those initial few weeks. They wanted to let him know, wherever he was, how they were doing and what their plans for the future were. The most important thing they wished to convey, though, was that he needn’t worry over them. They had each other to lean on now so they were going to be okay. They were going to live out their lives and meet him again when it was their time to go, he just had to be patient until then.

     Momo placed her phone, which held Ene, down beside the grave. Then she set the two incense sticks in the holder, lit them up, and clapped her hands together. Ene did the same, closing her eyes as they paid their respects. Luckily, they brought enough supplies with them for the next two graves they were planning to visit after they finished their business at Shintaro’s. It was only fair for Momo to meet Haruka and Ayano as well.

     She told her about them a month or so ago. There were some details she left out, mainly regarding her actual connection to Shintaro and his ties with their former friend group, but everything else was the complete and utter truth. There may come a day where she’d reveal everything, but this was fine for now.

     Once they were done, Momo proceeded to tell him about everything she had been up to lately. The staff assigned to her had been understanding of the way her loss affected her and her fans sent lots of love to her during her hiatus. It’s because of their kindness that it made her want to try even harder to repay all of them for all the support they’d given her throughout her absence. She was still having a hard time in school but she was proud to admit her test scores had improved somewhat, going from single digits to doubles. Of course there was also mention of her and Ene having grown closer, which she imagined Shintaro was despairing over.

     “I also wanted to say that--” Momo’s expression turned serious-- “even though we never really talked, we just argued all the time…I never hated you. I know I said I did a lot but I never meant it.” She took a deep breath in, then out as she calmed herself. “At the end of the day, you’re still my brother and…I love you.”

     Then it was Ene’s turn. She followed the same routine as Momo’s, albeit with some careful wording so as to not throw suspicion onto herself. She still messed with his files here and there and she kept the cheek he got aggravated with on a daily basis. Nothing between them had to change that much after his death. However, there was one thing she wanted to say, without any jokes or backhanded remarks.

     “In all seriousness, I know I teased you a lot back then but I hope you know that that was my way of showing how I cared about you.” Her eyes wandered down to the bottom of the grave. “The year I spent with you was some of the most fun I ever had. It had its ups and downs but I don’t regret meeting you, not one bit.” Then she looked up with a firm resolve and hoped that what she said next would reach him. “Thank you for being my best friend.”

     With that, they bid farewell to him. It was never easy moving on but Ene already did it once, and she’d do it again. She had no idea what the future had in store for her and Momo. What she did know was that they would face it together, with their heads held high and his memory in their hearts.

[multisfabulis]

A Night for Revelry

Word Count: 6670

This is quite possibly the fluffiest thing I've ever written and that's saying something after almost 5 years of being on this site and writing some pretty fluffy fics. It was actually a challenge writing this with no angst (among other things) but I managed to get the hang of it after a little bit! I also didn't expect this to be this long but it was when I was writing the in-universe reason for why this became a thing in the rough draft and I saw it was about 1.4K words in that I was like "Oh". I originally thought it was going to be half this.

Anyway, how did this come to be? Well, I've shipped ChuuAtsu for about as long as DazAtsu (since 2016, so pretty long time) but I don't think it was until a couple years later I kinda came up with this cute scenario of Chuuya using his ability on Atsushi and being generally fluffy together, akin to the classic scene of Howl and Sophie from "Howl's Moving Castle". It wasn't till 2020, I believe, I finally developed further on this and I decided to write a date fic. However, there was one problem with this. It's a little embarrassing to admit but I've never been on a date so my experience with this kind of thing was nonexistent. Because of this, I apologize if some of this sounded too...normal or out of place, I was working off of my old perceptions of what a date is like.

Last thing I want to say is, I know there may be some issues regarding characterization here and there, along with some possible misconceptions with the restaurant scene. I tried my best with both of these and I hope reading this will be enjoyable for you!

(Below the Read More is the synopsis. I refer you to this post for why I chose not to post the full fic)

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[multisfabulis]

Overindulgence

Word Count: 3165

Wow, an RLD fic early in the year and so soon after the last one? It's almost like I plan out an itinerary of what I write when I put my mind to it, especially since I made it a goal to post two RLD fics this year instead of one!

So this is something? of a sequel to "Something Found and Welcomed" but you don't need to read that one to understand this. I wouldn't necessarily call this a "Love Epiphany" fic because while Ravi has realized how deep his feelings for Luce go, he hasn't yet figured out or refuses to believe he's in love with him. It's pretty much a combination of his insecurities, his fear, and the timing of it all that has Ravi not want to challenge the status quo, so to speak. Obviously, things get better as evident by the other RLD fics set after this but it's still a matter of getting to that point, you know?

Also, here's a fun fact. As of this day, May 20th, yesterday was my birthday! I didn't plan on posting a fic around this time but I managed to write this a couple weeks ago and, disregarding the week long break I took last week, it just happened to line up! It's a nice coincidence too, since I love writing RLD but I just never have the time for it in-between my other projects so this doubles as a good birthday present!

Read on AO3 | Read on DeviantArt | Support me on Ko-fi!

     It was half past 11 in the morning. Rock music blared in Ravi’s ears as he went about folding laundry, plucking hangers out of his closet and hooking them around the bedpost to grab for later. Before he could think to stifle it, a yawn broke free from his mouth and he felt fatigue seeping into his bones once more. God, he was fucking exhausted. After spending over two hours in the basement washing a week’s worth of clothes, he wished he could just sleep the rest of the day away. However, his days off were the only time he could do this so that took priority. At least with Amelia off at school, his attention wouldn’t be split between her and this.

     He added a pair of denim shorts to the pile sitting to his left. His bed had been divided up into three sections, each one corresponding to whose clothes went into which area. Any bright and colorful shirts and skirts went to Amelia’s. The mix of men and women’s clothing were his. Anything that wasn’t either of theirs, like towels, washcloths, and linen, went into the miscellaneous area. Then there were the multiple versions of the same outfit belonging to Luce.

     Ravi didn’t consider it strange for his clothes to be in the basket. If anything, it’d be weirder if they weren’t in there. With how often Luce had been staying over lately, it was only a matter of time before his clothes found their way into the laundry. At least he threw them into the basket instead of leaving them lying around the apartment. Luce may be a lot of things but he wasn’t rude.

     He pulled out a large black shirt. It was Luce’s, seeing as how it would completely engulf him if he were to put it on. He folded it, placed it atop the stack of his other shirts, and reached into the basket to grab another article of clothing. It was a pair of brown cargo pants that were beginning to fray at the bottom. Those also belonged to Luce and he folded them to put with the rest. This process repeated several times before he emptied the basket.

     He counted how many shirts and pants there were for Luce. Two, four, six, seven, a whole week’s worth of the same outfit. If if weren’t for the evidence right in front of him, Ravi would swear Luce only had the clothes on his back and nothing else. Why the fuck was most of his wardrobe here?

     Taking out his phone, he paused his music and shouted, “Hey, Luce, you wanna come in here a sec?!”

     There was no answer but he knew Luce was on his way. He unplugged his headphones, setting them down on his bedside table while shoving his phone back into his pocket. As he waited, he dropped the basket onto the floor and began organizing all the clothes left on the bed. Shirts were to be hung in their respective closets and everything else was to be put away in dressers. The only exception to this was Luce’s pile, which was sitting off to the side.

     The door opened and he turned around to face Luce. Any questions he had for him died in his throat when he saw him. Luce was wearing his typical black shirt and brown cargo pants but he also had on Ravi’s apron and his dark hair was tied back in a messy ponytail. It was a look Ravi hadn’t seen on him before and it stirred something within him he couldn’t quite identify.

     “What happened? Is something wrong?” Luce asked, scanning the room for any possible signs of danger.

     “Uh, no, nothing’s wrong,” Ravi replied, pushing whatever he was feeling deep down as he continued on, “but why the hell are you wearing my apron?”

     Deciding that it must be safe, he answered with, “I was going to try cooking lunch, keyword try.”

     “You’re normally not one to cook so--” he stopped himself, realizing he was forgetting why he called Luce in here in the first place-- “wait, before I say anything else, what the fuck is half your wardrobe doing in my laundry basket?”

     “Isn’t that where dirty clothes are supposed to go?” He didn’t quite understand the question, which is something Ravi didn’t need from him right now.

     “But why are they there, is what I’m asking.” He breathed out a sigh. Maybe he should try to approach this from a different angle. “When’s the last time you’ve gone home?”

     “Hmm…” Luce crossed his arms and tilted his head in thought. “I think, maybe…a couple weeks ago?”

     That didn’t sound right. “No, you’ve been here longer than a couple weeks, you left around…”

     Then it dawned on him. He couldn’t remember the last time Luce went home or even when he’d left the apartment. He hadn’t paid much attention to it since he’d been juggling between work and taking care of a kid but he genuinely couldn’t remember a day in which Luce wasn’t here. The fact that Luce was wracking his head over this as well only strengthened Ravi’s suspicion. That, of course, brought with it ramifications he was beginning to realize.

     If Luce had left, Ravi would’ve been wondering where he went. He would’ve found it odd Luce was gone when, in actuality, he didn’t live here. He wasn’t obligated to stay, he was allowed to come and go whenever the hell he pleased. Yet Ravi got so used to seeing him around in the apartment everyday, it would’ve been weird to not have him there. When did Luce become such a fixture in his life, to the point Ravi was starting to consider him a part of his home?

     “Snowbird, are you okay?” Luce asked, stepping over to him. “You’re kinda staring off into space.”

     Backing away almost instinctively, Ravi replied with, “I’m fine, look, just go back to the kitchen, all right? I gotta put laundry away.”

     A moment passed before Luce breathed out, “…Okay.” He was worried but he also knew not to pry any further. “I’ll come get you when it’s time to eat, that sound good?”

     “Sure, just don’t burn down my fucking kitchen.” He really didn’t need a fire to add on top of the other shit on his plate. “I’ll throw your ass out if you do.”

     With a smile and a laugh, he retorted, “I’ll try my best not to.”

     Then he gave Ravi a kiss on the cheek. His heart skipped a beat as he felt heat rush to his face in shock. It was a good thing Luce walked back to the kitchen after doing that because Ravi wasn’t sure if he could handle him being here any longer. Everything was making him think too much on their relationship. What he needed was a distraction, something to help get his mind off it. Putting away his and Amelia’s clothes would be suitable enough, he figured.

     So he did his pile first. Shirts were hung up in the closet, forced to share room with his parents’ because he couldn’t bear to throw them away. Pants, skirts, and shorts were stuffed in the bottom two drawers while underwear, socks, and binders were put in the top one. Next up was Amelia’s. Before he moved on to her pile, however, he glanced over to where Luce’s clothes were sitting.

     What was he going to do with them? He couldn’t shove them into the dresser, it’d only cement the fear that had already taken root within him. Yet it would feel wrong to leave them laying out there in the open like that. They weren’t supposed to be here, just like how he and Luce weren’t.

     It wasn’t meant to be a serious thing. It was supposed to be a “no strings attached” arrangement they agreed upon for the express purpose of indulging in the attraction they had between each other. Emotions shouldn’t have gotten involved, developing genuine feelings for him wasn’t part of the plan. He thought it’d only be a couple weeks before they broke it off but they were still here several months later. How did he fuck up this badly?

     Maybe he was always meant to fail. Sure, Luce was an asshole who loved annoying the shit out of him, whether it be by teasing him or flirting with him in the hopes it’d leave him flustered. However, Luce was also someone who made him laugh, who didn’t beat around the bush when it came to his feelings for him, and saw him as an actual person instead of a sex object he could gratify himself to. Was it any wonder then why Ravi got so attached?

     Running away from his issues wasn’t healthy but it’d work in this moment. He didn’t want to think any more on this. He picked up Amelia’s clothes, dropped them into the basket, and headed towards her room.

     It was the epitome of what a little girl’s room should look like. Pastel pink and white walls were decorated with foam stickers that were easy to peel off, toys were scattered around on the carpeted floor, and her bed had all sorts of plushies sitting around her pillows so she wouldn’t be alone while she slept. Her dresser was an old, faded white chest that had dark patches where the paint flaked off over time with a small oval mirror on top. He made sure she was able to live somewhat like a princess, even if it meant buying most everything in here from secondhand shops.

     As he was putting her clothes away, he came across a piece of paper. Amelia was the kind of kid who loved to draw so it wasn’t strange for one of her drawings to be left lying around. It was what had been on the paper that caught him by surprise. There were three stick figures standing together in what he assumed to be the living room, smiling and holding hands. They each had names floating above their heads and he could tell the one with the dollop of black hair was Luce.

     Fuck. How was he going to explain their relationship to her and its subsequent dissolution? She already viewed Luce as another older brother and he knew damn well the feeling was mutual. Why didn’t he think about the possibility they would last beyond his time frame so this wouldn’t have happened? One thing’s for sure, she was going to be heartbroken when Luce inevitably left them.

     The urge to smash his head against the wall was getting stronger. He walked back to his room, his mind racing a thousand miles a minute. There was no use in denying it any more. Somehow, some fucking way, Luce managed to worm past his defenses and into his heart like the cockroach he was.

     Luce truly saw him. He understood him, his circumstances, why he had trust issues, and why he was so adamant in not letting anyone in. No matter how many times Ravi tried to push him away, no matter how abrasive he acted towards him, Luce’s persistence broke through his barriers. Ravi caught a glimpse of it the first time Luce stayed over but now he was starting to believe Luce might really care for him. He wanted no part of it nor did he ask for it.

     He couldn’t allow himself to imagine a future with him. He should never have gotten so close to him, knowing they’d part ways one day. Luce should’ve stayed out of his life because now his very presence was complicating everything. They weren’t supposed to be anything, why did it all change? Did this mean he had finally, in this cesspool of a city, found someone he could---

     “Fuck…” Warm tears rolled down his cheeks before he even realized it.

     He hadn’t done anything. He absolutely refused to finish the thought, much less voice it. If he did, it would mean it existed, make it real in a way he couldn’t refute and that he didn’t want to have happen at any cost. So long as it never lingered in his mind, it would remain abstract. He planned on keeping the truth locked away for as long as humanly possible. Whether an event so great he was forced to tell Luce were to occur or his early death, he’d leave that up to the cruel game master.

     He wiped away the tears. He was only hurting himself at this point by thinking about it and he couldn’t risk Luce or Amelia seeing that he was in pain. Crying was a sign of weakness, he needed to be strong for them. So he exited his room in search for the one thing he knew would bring him comfort to ease the ache. If the last several months had taught him anything, it was that he was prone to making bad decisions.

     In the kitchen, Luce was standing over a steaming pot on the stove. He was boiling something, most likely pasta. He’d been learning how to cook lately and that was a meal he’d have no trouble with, due to how easy it was. He dipped a plastic spoon into the pot, stirring its contents around before leaving it alone again. If Ravi didn’t know any better, he’d believe Luce belonged right at home.

     There were two things he noticed about him. One being that Luce wasn’t wearing his heavy parka jacket, which meant his bare arms were out on full display. They were severely scarred, some of them coming from his own hand while others had no such explanation. What little Luce had said about his childhood, Ravi was inclined to believe they came from his parents. Maybe it was the thought of someone purposely hurting a child that made him walk over and hug Luce from behind.

     He tensed up upon contact, prompting Ravi to quickly say, “It’s just me.” Luce then relaxed and continued on with what he was doing.

     The other thing was that he gained weight. When they first met, Luce looked like he was practically on death’s door, his skin stretched thin over his skeleton and his color a sickly pallor. It was after he sobered up he began eating healthier so now he had some meat on his bones and he wasn’t as pale as before. He still had a ways to go but he’s improved considerably since then. Was that because of his influence? The implications of that had Ravi tighten his arms around Luce’s waist.

     “What’s wrong?” asked Luce, reaching over to grab something. “You’re normally not this…affectionate, I think the word is.”

     “Oh, shut it,” Ravi replied with none of the usual growl in his voice, “I just wanted to do this, is that so wrong?”

     “No, it’s just…” Luce put a hand atop Ravi’s, pressing into it with his palm. “It feels nice.”

     The touch sent jagged shards of pain into Ravi’s heart as he buried his face into Luce’s back. God, this was going to make their eventual separation all the more harder if they kept this up. Why was he still entertaining this? He needed to end this right now, especially since it was becoming clear how unwilling he was to let go. Feelings didn’t matter, this was necessary.

     “Luce?” He couldn’t waver, not when it was here.

     “Yes?” He wondered if Luce was aware of what was going on as well and decided not to bring it up or if he was genuinely oblivious to it. Knowing the kind of person he was, it was likely the latter. “What is it?”

     Would it be better to wait for Luce to talk about it? They both agreed to this, it wasn’t like Ravi coerced him. Still, Luce had as much of a right to break off their arrangement as he did so… “Never mind.”

     He couldn’t do it. If he did this now, Luce would be gone, out of his life like he’d never made an impact in it. No longer would he see him when he came home from work, no more gestures of affection that vaguely hinted at reciprocation, there would be nothing left. Home wouldn’t be home without him. So he decided that, no matter how much it would hurt when the day came, Luce would stay.

     Ravi had tasted the forbidden fruit known as happiness. He knew now what it was like to have someone there for him, to support him and give him comfort whenever he needed it. He was too much of a greedy, selfish man to want to let that go. He never wanted Luce to leave because it’d mean he’d be losing the first person he’d been happy with in so long. He had gorged on the apple so this was a fitting punishment for committing such an act.

     He wouldn’t dare challenge the status quo. All he desired now was for this moment, him holding Luce in his embrace, to last. He could pretend the domestic bliss he stumbled upon was real for a spell longer before its inevitable end. He would be okay with that.

[multisfabulis]

Only Through Acceptance Will Love Find Us

Hopeless (Chapter 3)

Word Count: 3361

DISCLAIMER: This chapter contains a sexual assault scene that may be potentially triggering. While it is only an unwanted kiss, it is still abundantly clear that it is non-consensual and the imagery used can be considered as too graphic; thus, the reason this disclaimer exists. If you are not comfortable reading that, feel free to skip this chapter. Otherwise, please exercise caution and take care of yourself.

Oh, look! Another chapter that didn't take almost a year to come out! I'm getting better at this!

Seriously, though, I'm glad there wasn't too long of a break between chapters this time. This was originally going to be super long but I decided to cut it into two because there would've been too many things going on in this chapter and I thought it would be better story-wise to end this with Ven lamenting over the state of her life in despair. Next chapter does get better but we'll have to wait till then!

As for the Scene between Ven and Renard, I hope I did a good job in conveying the horror being in that position brings. It's a situation that, while I'm thankful I've never been in and hope to never be in, many people unfortunately have experience with. This kind of disgusting behavior doesn't discriminate and it brings trauma to the people who have been in Ven's position. At the very least, I believe this may be my only time writing any thing like this because I don't like putting my OCs into this kind of situation. It makes it too real, in a sense.

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     “All right, that should about do it!”

     Standing up straight, Ven wiped the sweat off her brow as she looked upon the fruits of her labor with pride. She had just finished planting seeds in the garden and the pansies were sure to start sprouting in a few weeks’ time. She couldn’t wait to see her mother’s reaction when she returned from her business trip and was greeted by an iridescent sea of flowers throughout the homestead. It would be a nice reward for all the hard work she’d done over the last year.

     She glanced up at the sky. It was only a little past noon, with clouds drifting to and fro as the sun beamed down upon her. Her stomach growled seemingly right on cue and she realized just how hungry she was. She had gone straight to her garden after coming home from work today so she hadn’t eaten anything since this morning. Now was the perfect time for a break, she thought.

     She walked inside and to the kitchen with purpose. Humming a little tune to herself, she took out the footstool and put it in front of the counter to reach one of the cabinets above her. Inside was a mason jar full of blackberries she’d been wanting to eat since around lunchtime yesterday. Dinner wouldn’t be for another few hours yet so these would be a good snack to help tide her over till then. With that out of the way, she hopped off the footstool, unscrewed the lid, and popped some of the delicious berries into her mouth.

     What else was there to do on her checklist? She fed the animals their breakfast, headed off to work, gave the other half of bread she baked to the bookshop owner, and tended to her garden. As far as she knew, the only task she had left would be to feed the animals their dinner in the evening, which meant she had the rest of the day to do whatever she wanted. Realizing that, she had already decided how she was going to spend her newfound free time.

     She walked over to the table where her book was lying. There was a folded up piece of paper slipped between the pages, acting as a sort of bookmark since she didn’t own a proper one yet. She picked it up and brought it with her to her chair, opening it to where she last left off at. With all the preparations complete, she began reading, feeling herself being sucked into the fantasy world once more.

     It was the climax. The heroine and the beast had been reunited, only for it to be tragically cut short by the villain before falling to his doom. Despite doing everything in her power to try and save him, the beast succumbed to his mortal wounds in the arms of the woman he loved. Ven’s heart ached for the heroine as she grieved over the loss of the one person who truly understood her. Then, by her declaration of love, a miracle was brought about, restoring both the beast’s life and his humanity. Ven read on with bated breath, waiting for the two to finally kiss when---

     Loud knocks broke through her reverie. Were those from outside or was there someone at her door? She strained her ears for a minute or two, listening to see which of the two was correct. When she heard her answer by the door, she let out a low groan in annoyance. It was one thing to be taken out of her immersion while reading but did it really have to come at such a climatic moment? Regardless, it meant she had to go see whoever was here. The sooner she helped them with what they needed, the sooner she could dive back into her story.

     As she hastily tidied everything up, there were even more knocks, leading her to shout at the door with, “I’m coming, just hold on, please!” Whoever they were, they sure were impatient.

     Then it hit her how strange the whole situation was. People normally never came to her house, whether it be out of fear or for some other reason. Both her and her mother’s reputations made it near impossible for them to have customers come visit so who could possibly be at their door? She needed to exercise caution here; she may have been acting paranoid but it was better to be safe than sorry.

     She tiptoed over to the window, pulling the curtain back just a sliver to see who her mystery visitor was without alerting them to her presence. She grimaced upon finding out their identity. What the hell was he doing here, she wondered as she begrudgingly went to answer the door. She had an idea of what his reasons for being here were and she really hoped she could somehow convince him to leave her be. The last thing she wanted was to upset him, especially after what happened yesterday. Steeling her nerves, she opened the door to greet him.

     Forcing on the friendliest smile she could muster, she asked him, “Renard, what brings you by today?”

     “Oh, Thea, you can’t even say hello to me?” He put a hand over where his heart was, as if to say she had wounded him. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Well, no matter. You see, I have come to apologize to you.”

     “...Really?” She was taken aback by this development. Of all the things she expected him to be here for, that wasn’t one of them.

     “Yes, I realized yesterday I may have been too harsh with what I said about your mother. I should’ve reserved my judgment instead of lashing out like I did.” He seemed sincere enough but it was hard to tell whether it was real or not. “I see how my words have hurt you and for that, I truly apologize.”

     After ruminating on it for a moment, she said, “Well, thank you, I appreciated that. On that front, perhaps I should’ve held my tongue as well before letting my anger get the best of me so…I’m sorry.”

     “I accept your apology.” Maybe she was wrong about Renard. There was still something off about him but she was willing to dismiss it as her being overly suspicious of anything that might give her trouble. Then he immediately disregarded any good will he could’ve had by asking, “Anyway, can I come in? I also wanted to make good on my promise.”

     Renard all but barged in, practically shoving her to the side as he slammed the door shut behind him. Panic bubbled up inside her, realizing how quickly the tables had turned on her. How was she going to get him out of her house? While she wanted to believe he wouldn’t dare hurt her in her own home, she definitely didn’t want to test that theory in case it was proven to be false. There was no telling what he’d do if he desired something badly enough.

     As he walked about the living room, she asked in a nervous voice, “Um, if I may, uh, what did you mean by ‘making good on your promise’?”

     “Exactly what I meant, Thea.” He sat down in her mother’s chair, casually reclining back to cross his legs. “I wanna take you out on a date.”

     “Oh, that’s…” she paused, scrambling to figure out how she should proceed onward, “sweet of you, Renard, but I’m afraid I must decline. You caught me right when I was about to get back to work and---”

     “Come on, it’ll only be for an hour, I promise. Let me make it up to you.”

     “Again, I must decline. I have chores to take care of, what with my mother not being here for the time being, and I simply can’t leave them unattended. You know how it is, I’m just too busy!”

     God, she hated being on this invisible tightrope. Her mother always told her to be careful when it came to men who were either too slow on the uptake or too stubborn to get the hint. She needed to let Renard down gently but make it clear she held no romantic interest in him. She had hoped she’d never find herself in this position but the universe seemed to love tormenting her. Of all the times this could’ve happened, why did it have to be now?

     “All right, I’m giving you one last chance to answer me.” He stood up from the chair, the lit fireplace casting his tall shadow across the floor. “Will you go out with me?”

     “Now’s just not a good time.” He was starting to get annoyed, she had to defuse the situation before it had a chance to ignite. “I have work to do and…” She gulped, her eyes flitting around the room for anything to help her out of this.

     “And what?”

     “And…” She glanced towards her book currently lying in her chair. That’s when she had an idea. “I have to return my book soon! I told the bookshop owner I’d give it back to him today so I would really appreciate it if you could please leave.”

     The silence was deafening. It wasn’t the best lie she could’ve fed him but she was desperate. Every second that passed felt like an eternity and she prayed to whatever god there was to make Renard leave. Then he breathed in deep as if mulling over what she just said, giving her hope he finally got the message.

     “You know, Thea, I really don’t like it when people lie to me,” he said, sending shivers down her spine. “I’d rather you tell me the truth instead of beating around the bush.”

     Even if she dug the hole deeper, she attempted to save herself by stammering out, “B-but I swear, I’m not---”

     “As much as I admire your learnedness, it’s becoming quite the detriment for you now.” He picked up her book and held it, causing fear to wash over her like she were taking an ice cold bath. “You seem to believe this piece of trash will give you everything your heart desires when that will never be the case. I can give you more than whatever this garbage can.”

     “Renard, please, we can talk about this,” she begged, her voice rising in pitch.

     “It’s because I’m looking out for you--” he turned slightly towards the fireplace and her eyes widened in realization-- “I’m doing this.” Then he threw the book into the fire without any hesitation. “You can thank me later.”

     The world seemed to be going by in slow motion. She watched as her beloved book, her dearest companion, was set ablaze and reduced to cinders in her fireplace like it was simply nothing. She wanted to scream, cry, hurt Renard just as he hurt her. Instead, she clenched her hands, met his gaze, and gave him a glare that had risen from the very depths of her rage.

     “I will say this once and only once.” She took a step forward. “I am never going to go out with you. Whatever you think is going to happen between us will never happen, especially not after what you did. Do I make myself clear?” She pointed a finger towards the door. “Now get the hell out of my house and don’t come near me ever again, you stuck up son of a bitch.”

     The room fell into silence. How she wasn’t beating him senselessly right now, she had no idea. The only thing she was focusing on was not letting him see the tears brimming her eyes over the loss of her most valuable treasure. She vehemently refused to give him the satisfaction of being able to break her down. After the weight of her words appeared to have sunken in, he responded.

     He advanced towards her slowly. There wasn’t a hint of emotion present on his face, weakening her resolve. It was then she became acutely aware of the sheer difference in size between them. He easily dwarfed her in almost every physical quality there was, from height to weight to even strength. He could do anything he wanted to her and she would have no chance in hell of fighting him off. That little epiphany scared her more than death itself.

     “You know, Thea, I don’t think you understand the position you’re in. Do you even realize just how many people would kill to be you right now?” She backed away from him as he continued to approach her, trying to create as much space between them as she possibly could. “You’re either too dim or too naive to see and I know you’ve got a brain inside that pretty little head of yours.” She hit the front door and he put both arms up on either side of her, effectively trapping her. “I must say you’re even more beautiful up close like this.”

     Her heart pounding against her chest, she fought to keep her voice steady as she said, “W-what are you going to do, hurt me? I’ll scream if you do.”

     “Oh, I have no doubt you will but the real question is--” he leaned in, looking down at her-- “would anyone believe you?”

     “W-what are you talking about, of course they would!” she exclaimed, feeling a sense of dread building within her.

     “Are you sure about that?” He sounded almost gleeful in the face of her growing fear. “Think about it, if I did anything to you and you came out about it, would anyone really believe you? Believe that I, Renard Géroux, the savior of Belleurseul, hurt you, the local witch?” He scoffed. “I don’t think so.”

     He was right. His words shook her to her core, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over as the floor felt like it had gone out from underneath her. If he attacked her, she wouldn’t be able to tell anyone. It’d be her story against his, she’d draw the ire of the whole village down upon her with her accusation. Any strength she had in her legs vanished and it was only by her leaning on the door she stayed standing. She wanted to throw up; no one was going to save her.

     “You’re trembling like a scared rabbit.” He raised a hand to cup her cheek but she recoiled away from it. “Truly a shame you think I’d hurt you.”

     Gathering her courage to speak, she asked him, “Wh-what do you want from me?”

     “I think, since you seem to be on the verge of a fit, all I want is a kiss.” He brushed a thumb across her bottom lip. “I trust you know what I mean. We’re both adults here and I believe we should act as much.”

     This was hell. Everything was just getting worse and worse and she wanted nothing more than to die at that very moment. Renard had her in his grasp, free to do whatever he pleased with her. Her first kiss was going to be with a man who only saw her as a trophy he felt entitled to if she didn’t stop him here. She may not have been strong enough to push him off but she had to do something.

     He leaned down as her hands searched for anything that could help her. Her fingers swept against a metallic object, cool to the touch. She realized it was the knob to the front door. Now all she needed was to wait for the right opportunity to show itself so she could free herself from this position. She couldn’t afford to waste what could be her only ticket out.

     His lips were nearly upon hers. She could feel his warm breath fanning out over her mouth and she knew then it was now or never. A split second before they were about to kiss, she twisted the knob to thrust the door open. She pressed herself flat against its surface to avoid flying out, which was exactly what Renard didn’t do. He stumbled forward with such force, he ended up tumbling over the stone half-wall outside and falling into the small, murky pond below.

     She had just enough time to head back inside and lock the door. If Renard decided to retaliate against her, she wasn’t taking any chances. Minutes passed as she stood mere meters away from the door, unsure on whether she should run upstairs to fetch her dagger or not. When it became clear he wasn’t going to do anything to her, she breathed a shaky sigh of relief. Her reprieve was short-lived, however, once she remembered about her book.

     She rushed over to the fireplace. A part of her clung to the hope her book could potentially be saved but it was all for naught. The once small yet exquisite book was no more, its burnt remains a gray ash spread amongst the firewood. She dropped to her knees in despair. Her one ally, her source of comfort in a cruel world, was truly gone, never to be seen again.

     A broken sob slipped out of her mouth as tears slid down her cheeks. The pain felt insurmountable and she could do nothing except scream at the top of her lungs till her throat was hoarse. She wanted so many things yet what she wanted most of all was her mother. She wished she was here to console her instead of being on a business trip to god knows where. Grief then gave way to anger.

     She hated this. She hated Belleurseul, hated living in it, hated the villagers, hated everything that had to do with this horrible hellhole. She wanted it all to disappear, to drown in the deepest bowels of hell where it could never hurt her again. She hated herself the very most, for looking the way she did, being the way she was, for even existing in the horrid life she had.

     She asked herself, why couldn’t she be normal? Why couldn’t she have looked like other girls and not stand out? That way, no one would hate or fear her and Renard would be some other person’s problem to deal with. Why was she cursed to be like this, what god did she unknowingly offend, was she put here just to suffer? No matter how much she begged, her questions would never be answered. She had gone through her whole life without them, why not the rest of it then?

     She sat in front of the fireplace, mourning the loss of her only friend all the while wishing for a new life.

[multisfabulis]

Land’s Trust in Light

Another Stray (Chapter 6/6)

Word Count: 5504

After a year and almost two months, "Land's Trust in Light" is done! It felt good to be back writing Eric after years of sidelining him and it's been fun writing his and Ferreth's friendship, how it came to be, and how Ferreth came to Aurora Zenith. Admittedly, I didn't really have their dynamic figured out when I began this, I'd just been writing it as I went and I think that's kinda helped it. At least I now have a reference for when I inevitably write these two again...

Anyway, we finally see how Ven and Ferreth meet! I had a lot of fun writing their first meeting, if only because I got to write Ferreth, normally someone who always knows how to keep a conversation going, completely stumble over his words as he's talking to Ven. I've had this planned out for a WHILE so I hope this was well worth the wait for the Verreth shippers!

Lastly, we also got to see the seemingly elusive Alek. He's been a background character for most of CS's run up to this point, which is a travesty because he's fun to write as and he's supposed to be a main character as well but he just hasn't had much of a part to play as of yet. The good thing is, after the Ferreth backstory fic, I'll be able to write him and his dynamic with Eric more in the Mapleshear fic! Their backstories are intricately linked with each others' and I'll be dropping tons of hints throughout that fic so keep an eye out whenever it comes out!

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[multisfabulis]

Wish for Oblivion

Word Count: 1100

TW: Depiction of self-harm, suicide, and major character death

Oh boy, this fic... I'm honestly a little scared of how this will be received, due to how depressing it is and how it has Chara, probably the MOST divisive character in the Undertale fandom, as the main focus. I've been wanting to write a Chara-centric fic for so long and I finally found some downtime in-between writing other fics to do this but I didn't think it'd come out like this. I blame recent world events for how they influenced this.

On the off-chance someone reads this and gets worried, I'm okay. I have the privilege of not being super affected by everything going on at the moment but it's times like these idealism takes another hard hit from reality and you kinda have to take a moment to breathe and vent your emotions. This allowed me to have an outlet and I hope that, if and when I decide to write another Undertale fic, the next one will be happier.

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     In the void lied nothing. No crumbling ruins, no white snow, no whispering blue flowers, no scorching hot magma or flashing lights, and most certainly no monsters to be found. All that remained in the darkness was dust being blown away by howling wind and a lone human child. In their hand was a bloodied knife and they held it above their arm, reciting a number in their head before slashing themself open.

     Chara felt nothing as they carved a line into their flesh, adding yet another body to their tally. Blood flowed freely down their arm and onto the ground, leaving a small red puddle pooling beside them. From their wrist to their shoulder were cuts, each and every one representing a monster that had died. There was no need to count them all, Chara already knew how many there were. Just like before, the denizens of the underground were all accounted for.

     How many did this make it now? They were definitely in the double digits but it was hard to determine whether they were closing in on triple or had already reached that threshold. Everything began blurring together once they looped for the 50th time in a row so they couldn’t tell. The person behind all this, the entity responsible for orchestrating this, was a sick and twisted individual. Chara would know since those same words could be applied to them.

     They were a monster. The true and worst kind of monster, the one where they’d annihilate an entire race of beings as well as the only family that actually gave a damn about them. It didn’t matter whether it was by their own accord or a demon forcing them to, dust was on their hands. They crossed a line and had walked down a path they’d never return from. They were a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a wolf who slaughtered everyone in their way in a conquest for power.

     All that was left to do now was wait. This was something they became accustomed to after the first several loops, once sitting in the remnants of the world they destroyed was established as their new normal. The entity that pushed them to commit vile, heinous acts would stop by and Chara would offer them a choice. They could either recreate the world with help from the entity’s soul or refuse them. The demon always chose to deal with the devil, but only after foisting all the blame onto Chara’s shoulders like it absolved them of any wrongdoing.

     Humans were all the same. They carried no kindness, no love, no mercy in their pitch black hearts. They only held contempt and hatred towards others, especially those who don’t fit in with their society. It was ironic how monsters, creatures they looked upon in fear, showed more humanity to Chara, a child born from their oppressors, than any human ever did.

     Humans only cared about themselves, throwing anyone they deemed “weak” out to the wolves like the Darwinists they were. There was no good to be found in mankind and anyone who believed otherwise was either too stupid or too naive. They glorified murderers, calling them heroes for the cause when no such person exists. They put each other up on pedestals, idolizing them while secretly praying for their downfall. They loved to expose those that engage in loathsome behavior yet indulge in the same things as if they were above the consequences. They loved to declare war on someone over a simple disagreement and only cease fighting when victory was within their grasp. Was it any wonder then why Chara hated humanity?

     This entity, this demon that Chara regarded them as, had succeeded at turning them into their scapegoat. They were able to walk away from everything they’d done unscathed while Chara was left to receive the guilty verdict. The court of public opinion was nigh impossible to sway once they settled on a ruling. At least Chara could own up to what they did, unlike some people. Justice didn’t exist and that was because corruption protected those in power.

     What point was there in arguing it, though? The damage was done, Chara was forever branded as a monster, and there was no coming back from that. What little soul they had in life vanished the moment they died, never to be seen again. They were a hollow vessel now, as empty as the void they sat in. The only thing they desired at the world’s end, above all else, was death. Not a death they made others meet but a final death, one that resulted in their utter oblivion.

     They caught their reflection on the blade of the knife. Dark reddish-brown eyes stared back at them amidst all the blood, as if they were gazing into the abyss and waiting for it to do the same. It was then they had an idea, something they genuinely hadn’t thought of or realized up till now. If they were able to cut themself with the knife, why hadn’t they gone further? Was the answer to their prayers in their hand all along and they didn’t know it?

     They sensed a familiar presence within the void. Their puppeteer was back, ready to prolong the death game with another loop. Chara knew they had no time to waste, they wouldn’t let this rare opportunity slip out of their grasp. It was worth a try to see if this incredibly risky gamble would work. They didn’t know what laid beyond this purgatory but they didn’t care where they ended up at. All that mattered was that they would cease to exist in this world.

     With the knife raised high, Chara closed their eyes. There would be no goodbyes, no parting words, no requiems. Then, with one last breath, they thrust the blade deep into their chest, right where their heart would be. A fitting death for a child whose “love” brought about the apocalypse.

     In this world, it was kill or be killed. Happy endings didn’t exist. Now nothing would exist for eternity.

     In the void lied nothing. No crumbling ruins, no white snow, no whispering blue flowers, no scorching hot magma or flashing lights, and most certainly no monsters to be found. All that remained in the darkness was dust being blown away by howling wind and a bloodied knife.

[multisfabulis]

Land’s Trust in Light

Past and Future (Chapter 5/6)

Word Count: 4121

The penultimate chapter!

Obviously, Ferreth was going to choose to come to Aurora Zenith by virtue of all the Verreth fics that exist but this was more showing the "how" and "why" he came. Speaking of Verreth, next chapter will be their first meeting! Finally, after almost 3 years since these two were seen together, I'll be able to show how they met!

Moving away from that, this is a very dialogue-heavy chapter! We get some more info regarding Eric and Ferreth's backstories, another lore tidbit drop for my dragons, and a VERY small hint of a story element that'll be brought up in the next big project! I think most of the people reading this will have already guessed what the deal is with Eric just going by all the hints I've dropped throughout this fic but I wonder if anyone will figure out the true extent of it? Guess I'll see when we get there!

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     Today was the day, the day in which Eric would depart from Thornewind to return to his home of Aurora Zenith. The thought of leaving such a beautiful town behind after spending so little time there saddened him but he’d be okay. After all, there was nothing really preventing him from visiting the place whenever he wanted to so he’d only be saying farewell for now. The journey ahead was long and he would be ready and raring to go…if it wasn’t for a certain dragon’s absence.

     Ferreth still hadn’t gotten back to him about his proposal yet and he was starting to worry. While a decision of this magnitude would obviously need time to think on and mull over, Ferreth was cutting it way too close. If he didn’t tell him his answer soon, Eric would be forced to go on ahead without him, despite his reluctance in doing so. A part of him, though, believed Ferreth had already made his choice by virtue of him not being here and it was something that gave him conflicting emotions.

     After he saddled up onto Asha, he was exiting the stables when a voice called out to him, “Good, I managed to catch you just in time.”

     He turned his head to see Bris approaching him from where he was leaning against the stable wall. He greeted him with, “Morning, Bris, what brings you all the way out here?”

     “Just thought I’d come say goodbye, though--” Bris’ eyes scanned the area and Eric clearly knew why-- “I see Ferreth’s not with you.”

     “...No, he’s not.” His grip on Asha’s reins tightened ever so slightly. “I told him what happened yesterday and he either hasn’t decided yet or he’s…staying.”

     “Well, he came by to see me and boy, was he pissed.” Eric perked up upon hearing that, wanting to know how the whole situation went. “We managed to talk it out and I think we’re cool now but I’m not sure.”

     Eric breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good, I was honestly worried that I might’ve driven a wedge between you two.”

     “Believe me, it wouldn’t have been your fault, I should’ve talked to him about this way before I ever got you involved,” Bris assured, running a hand through his hair. “It certainly wasn’t one of my better moments but I’ve learned my lesson.”

     It was hard not to feel sorry for Bris. The guilt was written plain across his face and Eric didn’t want him to keep kicking himself over making a dumb mistake. It happened, it was over, and he was now taking the necessary steps to correct it. Only time would tell if he’d done enough to rectify it.

     They continued to chat as they made the short trip over to the entrance. Eric did, however, keep an eye out for Ferreth while they walked. The probability of him staying grew larger and larger with each passing second and it would admittedly suck if he chose to remain in Thornewind. Eric had been looking forward to developing their friendship further if Ferreth decided to come with him to Aurora Zenith, something that would only work if he actually did. Sure, there were still letters to fall back on but it was different being able to hang out with him, a feeling words on a piece of paper didn’t have the capability of capturing. Even so, it was Ferreth’s decision to make and he was going to respect whatever he chose.

     It was when they arrived at their destination they heard it. A voice shouting for them to wait, getting closer and closer until Ferreth appeared not a moment later. He looked about ready to collapse, no doubt from running all the way here, had dark shadows under his eyes like he hadn’t slept the night before, and was carrying a cream satchel on his person. That last bit seemed promising.

     “Jeez, did you seriously have to wait until the last minute to get here?” Bris asked sarcastically. “Eric was ready to leave your ass behind!”

     “Oh, shut it…” Ferreth fired back, panting, “I just got…caught up in something and…I didn’t realize how much time had passed.”

     Eric turned Asha towards his general direction. “So I’m guessing you’ve made your decision?”

     “Yeah, I have.” Ferreth stood up straight, having caught his breath. “I’m coming with you.”

     He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy with the outcome. This was proof that he, and subsequently Bris, were able to get through to Ferreth. He may not have faced an eventual eviction or threats to his life if he stayed but it did mean that, with multiple avenues now available to him, he could reach his potential. On the plus side, it also meant less letters to keep track of.

     “So you’re really going, huh?” Bris sounded as if he was in disbelief. “Didn’t think I’d see the day.”

     “Well, you know, figured I’d go out and travel the world, see what opportunities might be lying in wait for me,” Ferreth retorted with a teasing smile on his face, “especially since this air-headed dragon I know all but pushed it onto me, even roping a cute and kind human into his plan!”

     “God, you’re never going to let that go, are you?” Bris put a hand to his head and wearily sighed. “Look, I said I was sorry, what more do you want me to say?”

     The pair continued to engage in some more banter until they both burst into raucous laughter, effectively ending the “fight”. He could honestly watch them go at it all day long if he wanted to and if there was time to be spared. Joking aside, it was good to see that their friendship managed to overcome the obstacle Bris inadvertently threw at it and come out the other side stronger than before. However, Eric knew the true test was just up ahead.

     Once they calmed down, Ferreth took a deep breath and said, “Ah, I’m gonna miss you, brother.”

     “...Same here, Ferreth.” Bris sniffled and Eric saw tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

     “It’s gonna be weird, not seeing you everyday.”

     “We’ve gone through it once, we’ll get through it again.” Ferreth held a hand out to Bris. “I promise I’ll visit often.”

     Bris grabbed it, gripping it firmly. “I know you will.”

     They pulled each other into a tight hug. There were sniffles and murmurs to be heard from them and Eric couldn’t help feeling guilty for separating them like this, despite it being through no fault of his own. It hurt to part ways with someone you were close to, especially if it was necessary for one reason or another, but this wasn’t the end. They had many more opportunities to see each other again so it’d be wrong to consider this a goodbye. It was more of a “catch you later”.

     With a couple pats on the back, they pulled away. It was then he noticed something different about Bris. His eyes, while still brimming with tears, had changed, specifically the shape of his pupils. They had narrowed to slits, similar to a cat’s or snake’s, and no amount of blinking from Bris was changing them back. It ultimately wasn’t a huge deal but it wouldn’t hurt to ask Ferreth about it, regardless.

     Clicking his tongue, Ferreth said jokingly, “Hey, I thought I was the crybaby here, not you.”

     “You still are!” Bris gave him a playful shove. “I just have something in my eye, that’s all!”

     “Uh-huh, sure you do…” He chuckled before smiling warmly at him. “Love ya, brother.”

     “Right back at ya.”

     So Eric and Ferreth bid farewell to Bris. Thornewind was a nice town to stay in for a few days but Eric was all too eager to be going home. This trip proved to be miles better than his visit to Brinegarde, even if it did end up following some of the same beats the previous one had. At least there was no pompous jackass or swarms of people acting like bloodhounds to wade through. With one last look at Thornewind, burning the image of it into their minds, they took their leave.

     They crossed the tulip fields as they had before and it occurred to him this would be his last time seeing them for a long while. He was almost tempted to ask if he could take a tulip home with him but it may have been against the rules and he’d no idea how to care for it over the next two weeks. Maybe the sketch he drew of Thornewind would be enough to satiate Ven until she found the time to come up here herself. For now, it’d just have to do.

     Wanting to make the first leg of the journey more bearable, he attempted to start a conversation by asking Ferreth, “Did you notice something weird about Bris’ eyes before we left? They looked different, like they had slits or something.”

     “Oh, right, you wouldn’t know about that,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “Sometimes, when us Dradnach feel an emotion strongly enough, our bodies change. We usually have our eyes turn into slits or our teeth sharpen but I’ve heard of some Dradnach having their scales or tails pop up out of nowhere. It just depends on the person and what they’re feeling.”

     “Huh… Is there any way you can control that?” It sounded like a pain in the ass to have your body transform unexpectedly, especially if you were unaware of it. “I mean, it’d be pretty weird to see you change all of a sudden.”

     With a scoff, he replied with, “There’s only so much we can do that doesn’t involve becoming masterclass actors. We can’t help what or how we feel.”

     “If that’s the case, then--” Guilt began to bubble up inside him at the realization about the scene from earlier-- “that means Bris was really upset over you leaving, huh?”

     Ferreth breathed a heavy sigh. “Yeah.”

     Now he felt really bad. Whether Bris was truly trying to hide his sadness or not, his own body, blood, or whatever determined that aspect of the race, would’ve betrayed him, no matter what. Ferreth had to have seen it too, which meant he must’ve felt awful over what happened as well. It made Eric almost glad to be a mere human. If he had that kind of ability, if he found himself unable to lie about his feelings, then he most likely wouldn’t be here today.

     Desperate to lighten the mood, he switched gears to ask, “Moving on, I think if I recall correctly, you mentioned something about having a brother, right?”

     “...Yeah, I do.” It was like a shadow came over Ferreth when he said that. Why did he feel as if he just made things worse? “I have an older brother named Kandorinth and he’s…an asshole. A straight up prick and I’d prefer if I never saw him again.”

     He definitely struck a nerve. He followed up with, “Then, if it’s not too intrusive, what about your parents? I know you said you ran away from home due to some familial issues so you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to.”

     “My mom, she…she was great. Sweet, loving, hella strong too, just the best mom anyone could’ve asked for. She fell ill when I was a kid and just…deteriorated until her body couldn’t take anymore. I was 14 when she died.” His voice held so much sadness when he spoke and it was clear to see he still missed her. Then it shifted to bitter resentment as he continued on, “My father’s not much better than my brother. I haven’t talked to him since the day before I ran away and I could honestly care less if I had the chance to or not.”

     “I…understand,” Eric said quietly, troubled by how close to home it was.

     “What about you? Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about your family.” If only Ferreth knew the Pandora’s box he just opened…

     “Well, um, I am an only child. I didn’t get to grow up with any siblings because my mother also fell ill rather quickly, though it didn’t take quite as long for her to die. I was only 7 years old. Then my father…” Any words he had left to say disappeared. Asha stopped walking, no doubt sensing her owner’s distress. He muttered an expletive under his breath before brusquely going, “Can we change the topic, please? I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.”

     It wasn’t just the memories of his father that scared him. Sure, it hurt to remember that the man he once looked up to as a child had grown into a cold, heartless villain but that wasn’t all. It was the fear of saying anything, any accidental slips of the tongue, potentially ruining the future he and Alek were building for themselves. There was no way of knowing how much information he could safely share without the risk of outing himself as someone he wasn’t. It was simply too dangerous, especially since they didn’t want to be found.

     He was eventually able to get Asha moving again. Whether Ferreth had anything more to say, he didn’t make it known, which Eric was thankful for. Maybe it was because of how he reacted or Ferreth somehow understanding the anxiety even talking about his father brought him but he certainly wasn’t complaining. It was when they were further down the mountain the conversation picked up once more.

     “Did you ever plan on this?” Ferreth asked, gesturing vaguely at him. “Being a lord, I mean.”

     “In a way?” he replied confusedly. It wasn’t too far from the truth but he still needed to exercise caution here. “I mean, to be honest, I was always expected to be in a position of power someday, ever since I was a child. I was given the best tutors there was to learn from and it’s thanks to their teachings I actually know what I’m doing. But…” A sad smile rose to his face. “I never really wanted this, you know?”

     “So you were thrust into this, is what you’re saying?”

     He breathed in heavily. “When you’re a kid, you’re taught to believe your parents will always know what’s best for you and support you, no matter what path you choose to take. Then you get older and realize it’s not like that. Your parents don’t always know what’s best for you and they’ll only support you if you choose what they set out for you, even if you know in your heart of hearts it’s not right for you.

     “Everyone, including my father, expected me to succeed him when I became of age and as a kid, I never questioned it. As I grew older, though, the more I realized I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to continue walking down the path he laid out for me, stripped of my choices, my dreams, my life. When the pressure eventually got too great, that was when I decided to run away and so…I did.”

     That was something of an understatement. Everything had gotten to be too much for him to handle and being criticized by both his father and tutors for being too sensitive or kind or soft did a number on him. It was truly a miracle how he hadn’t broken under the weight. A teenager still coming into himself, being forced to carry responsibilities he didn’t want or ask for, it was awful. Running away, while a coward’s way out, saved his life, in a sense.

     “So why become a lord then?” Ferreth wondered. “What’s the difference between this and what you ran away from?”

     “I had a choice.” Eric thought back to the beginning of this year, when he and Alek first arrived in Aurora Zenith. “The town welcomed us into their home, a couple of vagabonds wishing to settle down somewhere after traveling for about two years at that point. When Emory, a guard who stepped up to become lord after their official one vanished one day, found out about my education, he offered me the position and I just couldn’t say no. It was the least I could do for them after all they had done and at least I had a choice in the matter. I didn’t have one back then.”

     “Man…” Ferreth sighed, scratching the back of his head. “We have more in common than I thought we did.”

     He chuckled before adding on, “Well, I don’t plan on doing this forever. I’m not looking to quit this job anytime soon but I do want to pass the torch on to a worthy successor someday. I haven’t quite figured out what I want to do after my tenure but what I do know is that I wanna spend my life doing what I love with my beloved standing right beside me.”

     Ferreth fell silent and Eric believed he knew why. Ferreth was coming to Aurora Zenith because he wanted to know what his purpose was. Being a handyman was fine and all but it wasn’t something he saw himself doing for the rest of his life. He wanted to be more than that, he just didn’t see how he could rise above that yet. Eric hoped he knew he didn’t need to worry so much over it. He had plenty of time to figure it out so it was okay. Ferreth, being the kind of person he was, may not even take long in finding his calling so he would be all right.

     Several hours later, the day came to a close. They were still miles away from the nearest inn and it was too risky continuing on in the dark so they decided to bed down a little ways off the side of the road. Ferreth went to work on setting up the fire while Eric searched for a place to settle Asha at for the night. This wasn’t the first time he’d roughed it in the woods and he knew it would certainly not be his last. With bedroll laid out on the ground and dinner cooking by the fire, he took his seat across from Ferreth, ready to relax.

     Once they ate, he laid beside the fire, reading a book. He glanced up at Ferreth from time to time, wondering if he wanted to talk. It wasn’t like the conversation died after discussing their plans for the future but it didn’t quite regain the momentum it had at the start of their journey. Then again, they had both traveled a long distance since early this morning so that might explain why as well.

     As if sensing the tension hanging around them, Ferreth suddenly said, “By the way, I wanna show you something.” He dug into his bag, pulled something like a statuette out, and threw it to him. “Here, catch.”

     Even with his slow reflexes, Eric was able to catch it. A close examination revealed it to be a small wooden windmill, seemingly handcrafted with lots of little details carved into the wood. It wasn’t perfect, as evident by the rough patches of wood sprinkled all around it and the overall lack of polish, but it was still better than anything he could possibly do. Was this why Ferreth ran late this morning?

     “Wow, you made this?” he asked, marveling at the craftsmanship.

     “Yeah and I’ve got another one like that in my bag.” Ferreth nodded towards the direction where he set his bag down. “I figured since I was leaving home, I’d carry a little memento of it with me.”

     “And you wondered what you had that others didn’t.” He found it strange that Ferreth had forgotten to mention this to him when they talked yesterday. “Have you always been into woodwork?”

     With something resembling a tight smile, he replied with, “Yeah but I’m obviously not very good at it. I’ve spent years improving my skills and it’s pretty clear that I just suck at this.”

     “Hmm…” He put the miniature windmill away as an idea struck him. “I think if you had more time to dedicate to this, you could get better at it! You seriously have a real knack for this kind of thing and I can talk with some people back home to see if they can teach you some things and---”

     “Eric.” The harsh tone of Ferreth’s voice cut through him. What fun there was between them vanished as the mood darkened, becoming replaced with a looming feeling of unease. Did he say something wrong? “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, all right? I’m getting tired and I wanna sleep, is that okay?”

     He replied with a shaky “Yes” and mumbled that he’d take the first watch. Whatever Ferreth did afterwards, he hardly noticed. He’d seen him angry before but this seemed like he was genuinely upset over what he said. Maybe he could smooth things over between them with an apology in the morning. It’d have to be enough for inadvertently prying too much.

     It was a couple hours into his watch and Ferreth slept with his back to the fire. They had a long two weeks ahead of them. What would life be like for Ferreth once they arrived in Aurora Zenith? Would he truly be able to find something that’d help him reach his potential? Eric pretty much knew he’d work as a handyman again to make ends meet so there was no need to worry on that front. Still, it might be good to talk with Alek on what Ferreth could do as a push in the right direction.

     Home wasn’t just a place. Thornewind and Aurora Zenith couldn’t be any more different but maybe Ferreth would consider them home all the same. Knowing the kind of person he was, there was hope yet.

[multisfabulis]

Only Through Acceptance Will Love Find Us

Of Beasts and Men (Chapter 2)

Word Count: 5889

Wow, it's been a while since this fic updated, huh?

I'm sorry for how long it's taken me from adding another chapter. I've explained this before in other things I've posted last year but long story short, a combination of writing other fics and my own procrastination kicked me in the ass and that's why it's taken so long for me to write and post this chapter. Honestly, I planned on posting this chapter last week but January hasn't been a good month for me. From a family emergency to catching Covid to even burnout, the rewrite for this chapter sucked. I even thought about posting the rewrite of lesser quality just so I could be done with this, move on, and never look back but I didn't feel right posting something like that when I've always wanted to post my fics in the best quality I can provide so I took last week off to rewrite the rewrite to make it better. I hope I succeeded in that regard!

Another thing, I don't want this fic to have only yearly updates. Believe me, I know how much it sucks to have fics you really liked reading and then waiting months to even a year for another update. I'm not trying to throw shade at anyone but I still understand the struggle. That's why I made a New Years' resolution to try and get the third chapter out by the end of this year. The good thing is, the third chapter shouldn't be that long so it shouldn't take me a year to write it AND I started on it this weekend so, while I can't guarantee when it will come out, you can have it in good faith that it's being worked on!

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[multisfabulis]

Worldbuilding Part 2

Finally, after 3 years, I post another worldbuilding thing! This has been a long time coming, I just finally got the time to sit down and write this.

So some things to say! The calendar is pretty much an exact copy of our calendar, just with different names for the months that I came up with, mostly! Outside of that, nothing is different; we still have 30/31 days in a month (with exception to Favelitime), 4-5 weeks in a month, and 12 months in a year! Secondly, the reason why there are ?'s scattered about is because those are characters we haven't met yet, such as the other town leaders and other important characters. Once we officially meet those characters, then this will be updated with their names! Speaking of which, I'll also be updating this post to include any important events or holidays that are celebrated throughout Caelura once I think of them. I wanna incorporate holidays such as Halloween and Christmas and maybe add some original ones as well, just to throw some flavor into the mix, so keep a lookout for that!

One last thing, what is "Caelura"? Well, it's the name I came up with for the land in which Corona's Shadow takes place in. I literally had no name for it for over 3 years until yesterday. It sounds nice and rolls off the tongue well, doesn't it?

The Calendar of Caelura

Jeneviary

14th - Orion's birthday

Favelitime

2nd - ???'s birthday

Marquinox

19th-21st - Spring Equinox

20th - Lianthorne's birthday

22nd - Ammy's birthday

23rd - Miranda's birthday

25th - ???'s birthday

Amrylith

12th - ???'s death

Mylunaeia

1st - Ven's birthday & Thessalia's death

6th - Thessalia's birthday

24th - Ferreth's birthday

Jurivya

20th-22nd - Summer Solstice

27th - Eric's birthday

Julaesius

16th - Astra's birthday

26th - Alek's birthday

Augvesta

???'s birthday

Strya

6th - Kandorinth's birthday

20th - ???'s birthday

21st-24th - Autumn Equinox

22nd - Fenrir's birthday

Ovoxia

N/A

Noctovka

N/A

Drairc

7th - ???'s birthday

9th - ???'s birthday

16th - Bris's birthday

21st-22nd - Winter Solstice & Solstice Ball (Aurora Zenith)

[multisfabulis]

Death’s Hypocrisy and Life’s Antithesis

Word Count: 3636

TW: Discussion of death and suicide

I can feel my soul wanting to leave my body as I type this out because I'm super nervous over how this will do. Not only is this the third ship fic I've written this year, this is both my first BSD fic (a fandom I've been in since 2016) and my first DazAtsu fic (my OTP since my foray into BSD in 2016) AND it's the last fic I'll have written and posted for 2021. At least I fulfilled my promise of writing more than two fanfics this year!

So how did this idea come about? Well, I've had this HC scenario of Atsushi being in a suicidal state of mind and Dazai helping him out of it while making himself out to be a hypocrite since 2016 (I believe) but I never thought I'd turn it into a fic due to lack of confidence in my abilities and not knowing how to flesh it out beyond the bare bones. Then, over the course of time as I worked on my confidence and my skills, I eventually came around to the idea of turning my HC into a fic. Then Wan! happened (Episode 11 or 12, you know which moment I'm talking about specifically) and I stewed around for months until this fic came into existence earlier this month.

I didn't even plan on this being my first fic in either category! I planned on my first BSD being a SigAtsu fic because I enjoy living in rarepair hell and my first DazAtsu fic was going to be a Kagerou Days fic with death and tragedy but then Wan! happened and I postponed both. That was honestly for the best.

I want to apologize for the philosophizing, Dazai and Atsushi possibly being OOC, and for the pacing. Although I wrote this with the purpose of posting it once it was done, I also wrote it with the intent of indulging in 19 year old me's HC and I'm fully aware this would never happen in canon as it stands now. Still, I hope this fic is enjoyable to read, despite its issues!

One last thing, I do plan on writing more BSD fics! Some of them are DazAtsu while others are for other ships and a couple are even crossover fics! Those will be posted sometime in the future but this is me testing the waters for now!

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     What is life? A question humans have asked themselves dozens upon hundreds upon thousands of times throughout their existence and it was a question that seemed to have no “correct” answer. If you were to ask ten random strangers plucked off the street what life was, they were bound to give you wildly differing answers. A person’s interpretation of the concept relied on a multitude of varying factors, such as their past, their present, and what they believed would be their future. They also didn’t remain static; they could change due to any number of reasons and in a matter of years, months, weeks, or even days, depending on what happened. The answer was ever evolving, making it unlikely, if not impossible, to ever truly know it.

     For Dazai Osamu, his answer was this. Life was dark, full of death and despair with no end in sight, no hope of it ever getting better. It was hard to tell when it began or even if it “began”, suggesting the possibility he’d known of a life without the perpetual feeling of emptiness within it. Sure, his life went from absolute certainties to hypothetical implications over the past few years of his existence but it didn’t erase his insatiable desire for death. It always followed him, whether in the world of the living or in dreams, it stuck to him like a second skin. Life, as it stood now, was tortuous torment, something he became accustomed to long, long ago.

     The question he sought the answer to was, what was death? It was the end of life, the state of being dead. Children could understand such a concept once it was explained to them in easy and simple terms. However, what he really wanted to know was “What is death?” Would it give him the peace he lacked? Would death be able to fill the void that was inside him? Did death really mean the end of someone’s life or was it a term people used to describe the process of a soul leaving its mortal vessel to move on to the afterlife to exist for however much longer? Then there was the belief that someone was never truly gone if they lived on in others’ memories of them. It’d be just his luck to die only to realize a facsimile of him was still alive by that method. He’d never receive any rest, if that were the case.

     It was another one of those moods again. The ones where he pondered on the meaning of life, death, and other abstract concepts before coming to the realization they’d never be completely understood. Usually, when he found himself thinking such things, he’d stow himself away in a secret place for some time until he was done. Today, it occurred during work so he naturally snuck out while no one was looking and came up to the roof, with mostly everyone none the wiser. Ranpo knew because he was Ranpo and Kunikida tore the place apart trying to find him till he eventually checked the roof. As disruptive as these moods were, they did get him out of doing work and they had the added bonus of pissing Kunikida off so it was a win-win scenario.

     Everyone should’ve already been on their way home by now. However, he still had to finish his case reports and send them out before the day was over. He played around with the idea of doing work for a moment. He could write up his reports and be on his merry way but procrastination’s always been a hard habit to break and putting them off for another day was so tempting. Oh, what was he to do?

     Yokohama was just as lively today as it was every other day. Cool air came to chase away the late summer heat as night crept ever closer. Down below were the sounds of people walking and talking and traffic, the typical ambiance of a city. The clear sky above was streaked with vivid hues of red, orange, violet, and blue as the sun set over the horizon towards the west. It was an all too familiar yet still comforting sight to see for a dead man walking.

     He heard the door behind him open with a loud creaking of its hinges. Just by the process of elimination, there were only a handful of people who knew he’d been up here today. He turned around and was greeted by---

     “Atsushi-kun.”

     Atsushi didn’t say anything. It wasn’t surprising, since Dazai noticed he hadn’t been acting quite like himself over the past few days. He still had his snark and was keeping up with both work and Dazai’s antics but it was easy to see he was half-assing it so as to not worry anyone. Whatever was going on, Dazai figured it was nothing too serious and wanted to give Atsushi some time to work through it on his own. Now he was wondering if, perhaps, that was the wrong thing to do.

     “Did Kunikida-kun ask you to come fetch me?” he asked before letting out a fake exasperated sigh. “I swear, it’s like he has no trust in me at all!”

     Instead of beating around the bush or try his hand at lying, Atsushi replied with a simple yet curt, “No, he hadn’t.”

     That was a tad concerning. He said nothing more and stood beside Dazai, resting his arms and head down on top of the railing. He hadn’t seen much of Atsushi today so he wasn’t sure whether something terrible happened while he was out working on a case or if his childhood decided to rear its ugly head up again. There was a good chance it was either-or. Regardless, now was most definitely the time for him to step in and give his lovely kitten some help.

     Before he could open his mouth, however, there were a couple things he saw that gave him pause. Atsushi had an almost listless quality about him, like it took everything he had to just stand there and do little else. Then there were his eyes, which were setting off alarm bells in his head. They looked darker than usual, the violet and gold muted to the point they seemed lifeless. They never lost their light, even in the worst of situations, so Dazai was really starting to worry over what was happening with Atsushi. Panic was a feeling he hated having.

     “Dazai-san, can I ask you something?” Atsushi called out, motionless.

     Despite his gut instinct telling him it was a bad idea, Dazai replied with, “You know I’ll always answer your questions to the best of my ability so ask away.” This might give him a clue as to what was troubling Atsushi so he decided to indulge him.

     “Do you think--” he stood up straight, keeping his eyes transfixed on the city before him-- “if someone were to jump from this height, they would--” his grip on the railing tightened and he swallowed nervously-- “die?”

     Okay, that was very unsettling to hear. Atsushi would never ask such macabre questions, much less entertain the thought of them. He was someone who fought to survive, to live life and see all it had to offer. To listen to a person who enjoyed even the smallest pleasures of the world wonder if a fall off of a building would kill someone went against his character.

     Slipping the mask on, he attempted to brush off the question as a morbid joke with, “Why, Atsushi-kun, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were asking that to see if you wanted to try it for yourself!” It was meant to be a chance to prove him wrong, even in the vain hopes he wasn’t. “But I know you’d never---”

     “And what if I did?” Atsushi asked, cutting him off mid-sentence. “What if I said I did want to try it?”

     “Well, it’s only a hypothetical scenario, isn’t it?” Dazai smiled uncomfortably, growing increasingly disturbed by how the conversation’s going. “It is hypothetical, right?”

     An agonizing moment passed by before Atsushi answered, “…Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.”

     “Atsushi-kun, you--” He placed a hand on his shoulder to slowly turn him when---

     Atsushi shook it off but it was enough. It was only a glance yet what Dazai saw struck fear into his core. What little light there had been in his eyes previously was completely gone, replaced with a dead hollowness. They were too similar, too close to the ones Dazai remembered staring back at him in the mirror during his days in the Mafia. It was an uncanny resemblance and he needed to do everything in his power to right this wrong, because it didn’t fit sweet Atsushi.

     “What happened? Can you tell me?” He thought if he approached this gently, it’d coax an answer out of Atsushi. It didn’t work. “I’m here to listen if you wanna talk about it.” More silence. “Atsushi-kun, I want to help you but I can’t do that if you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

     He let out a sigh. “I thought you of all people would understand this.”

     “I do but that doesn’t mean this is the right way to go about it. What you’re thinking of doing isn’t going to solve everything, it’ll just make it worse.” God, he sucked at this. Not only was he the absolute worst person for this, it was his darling Atsushi he had to talk back from the edge. Anyone else would be better suited but it was just his luck to get caught up in this.

     “You think I don’t know that?” He turned away from the railing to face Dazai. “That’s all I’ve thought about over the past few days and I still feel like this. If anything, it’s only made me feel worse.”

     There was one tactic left he hadn’t tried yet. The very thought of using it was contemptible but desperation called for drastic measures. “Think of all the people that’d be affected by your passing, Atsushi-kun. Think about how Kyouka-chan would feel if you were to die.” He felt like scum for bringing her into this. “You have so much to live for so that’s why---”

     “Don’t give me those empty platitudes, Dazai-san, we both know you don’t believe in what you’re saying.” There was barely restrained anger in his voice and he glared at Dazai with heated intensity. “How can you ask me to live when you don’t even give yourself the same courtesy? You’re-you’re a hypocrite, Dazai-san!”

     He deserved that, especially for trying to manipulate him. Atsushi was right; Dazai was a hypocrite. How could a man like him talk someone out of committing suicide when he couldn’t extend the same mercy to himself? He craved death like it was his life’s purpose; he wasn’t qualified for this.

     Yet, because it was Atsushi, Dazai had to help him. Whatever was making him think he should die, he needed to be convinced it was only temporary. A proven hypocrite’s point still stood.

     “I may be but it doesn’t make what I said any less true.” Atsushi averted his eyes, most likely ashamed of his earlier outburst. Dazai’s voice took on a softer, kinder cadence as he said, “You can choose to believe what I’m about to say next, all I ask is for you to listen, okay?”

     Gently, he grabbed Atsushi’s hands and held them in his own. It was clear to see the difference between them in how they viewed life. Dazai’s were stained in so much black blood, they showed naught a trace of the “human” underneath. Atsushi’s, meanwhile, were pure white with only a splash of scarlet. He couldn’t stomach the idea of killing someone while Dazai felt the countless amount of sins crawling up his back. They were life and death yet the reaper was giving his antithetical partner the encouragement to keep going. How paradoxical.

     “You’re right, I’m a hypocrite. What right do I have telling you to live when I don’t tell myself the same?” He stroked the back of Atsushi’s hand with a thumb. “But it’s because you deserve to while I don’t. You’re a good person, Atsushi-kun, and I’m a poor imitation of one. You want to save people, you have saved people, and it’s because you are and choose to be a good person.”

     Dazai, in a rare moment of candidness, cast his gaze down to their conjoined hands before continuing on. “In some ways, you’re what I strive to be yet I know I can never reach you, no matter how hard I try--” his grip tightened ever so slightly upon sensing Atsushi’s incoming protests-- “and that’s okay. I’ve committed far too many crimes to ever be redeemed, I know I’m destined for hell but you still have a chance.

     “The world will always be a dark and harrowing place but--” he looked up and took a deep breath in-- “you, along with everyone else in the Agency, fight to make it less so. If you were to die here and now, the world would lose that little bit of goodness, that little bit of light only you have.

     “That’s why I ask--” he cupped Atsushi’s cheek, peering into his eyes that seemed to be regaining their natural brilliance-- “for you to live. Don’t die, not yet, not until it’s your time to go. Live, Atsushi.”

     Atsushi stepped back, turning away from Dazai, who was unsure on what he should do next. He felt too exposed standing out here but he didn’t want to run and hide again until he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Atsushi would be all right. The mask had a tendency to slip whenever they were together but this might’ve been the first time Dazai let Atsushi into his walls, if only for a moment. It was strange and not at all appropriate with the kind of relationship they shared. Yet, if his precious Atsushi was ever in this situation again, he’d bring them down without any hesitation.

     Each and every word was said with the utmost sincerity. He spoke out of the depths of his heart, even if he was a demon masquerading as a human. He wanted to believe he got through to Atsushi, stopped him from potentially going through on a mistake that’d cost him greatly. He held on to hope like it was a lifeline.

     They may have been on the side of light but they were there for very different reasons. Dazai only wanted to fulfill his dear friend’s dying wish of becoming a good man in spite of all the atrocities he’d committed. Atsushi wanted to do good, whether it was by helping people or doing the right thing, which was more selfless and noble than Dazai could ever be. The world could care less if another monster like him were to die but if it were Atsushi? It’d be worse off.

     Several minutes went by as he wondered if he had possibly crossed his boundaries when he heard it. A quiet sniffling, followed by a shaky intake of air and a soft whimper, like someone was crying but trying to hide it. It was a sound he recognized, having listened to it many times before.

     Tears threatening to spill over filled Atsushi’s eyes. His shoulders trembled as he bit down on his lower lip to keep himself from sobbing. As sad as the scene was, it brought Dazai some much-needed relief. Atsushi was going to be okay.

     “D-dazai-san…” A tear rolled down his cheek before he wiped it away. “I’m sorry for… worrying you and for yelling at you earlier.” Then, as if he couldn’t hold it any longer, the dam burst open as a myriad of tears fell to the ground. “I’m sorry that I let you down, that I’m just a disappointment and---”

     Maybe it was from hearing the absolute pain and guilt in his voice or the pitiful way he looked at him. Whether it was one or the other, it didn’t matter. It was enough for Dazai to grab Atsushi’s wrist, draw him into his arms, and just hold him for however long it took till he stopped crying.

     Atsushi didn’t return the sudden hug, likely too shocked to do so. This was very much out of Dazai’s comfort zone and it wasn’t like him to make spur-of-the-moment decisions based on pure emotion. However, what Atsushi needed right now was an equal, not a mentor, and Dazai hoped he was filling in that position somewhat. If this left Atsushi feeling better after everything, it’d be worth it.

     “You could never disappoint me,” he whispered, smiling fondly. “You always manage to find a way to surprise me, even exceed my expectations.” His arms tightened ever so slightly around him. “You’re more than you think you are.”

     Dazai gave Atsushi one last squeeze before pulling away a moment later. Atsushi stood stock still, no doubt stunned from everything that just happened, and he had a flush of embarrassment on his face. Knowing he was going to be all right, Dazai felt confident that they had nothing left to discuss.

     Atsushi called out in a meek voice, “Dazai-san, I---”

     “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, Atsushi-kun.” Dazai walked past him towards the direction of the door. “Kunikida-kun will kill me if I don’t finish my work and I’d rather my death be at my own hands.” He opened the door, the creaking of its hinges echoing from inside the stairwell. He turned back to Atsushi. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

     Before more could be said, he went inside and descended the stairs. He made it down one flight, deciding to get off on the floor above the Agency. Going home sounded appealing but he’d be risking bumping into anyone from there and he really didn’t want to deal with them after what happened. He walked further in, wanting to ground himself back to reality.

     That was… a lot. He was used to high-pressure situations, fights where his life could be snuffed out by a split-second decision but this was different. Dazai, a man who yearned for the sweet release of death, had to talk down Atsushi, someone that lived life to the fullest, from suicide. Not only was it a complete reversal of some of their earliest interactions but he opened up to him. He was a former Mafia executive that kept even those closest to him in the dark about his intentions yet he bared just a piece of his soul to save his protege. How things change over the course of 4 years…

     Atsushi was special. There was no other way to explain it; Atsushi had endeared himself to Dazai with his honesty, his faith, his loyalty. He deserved the right to live, the right to exist. He may be young and inexperienced now but there was nothing stopping him from reaching his potential if he continued on this path. Dazai was sure he’d get there in a few years’ time, even if he wasn’t there to witness it someday. Maybe he should try to stay alive until then, if only so Atsushi wouldn’t be sad over him not seeing how much he’d grown.

     Dazai let out a sigh and leaned against a nearby wall. When had Atsushi become so important to him that he was considering prolonging his tormented existence? It was made in jest but it was still a joke he’d never think about normally. He would be the death of him, either metaphorically or by his own hands. Honestly, if Dazai were to die via murder, he’d like his beautiful tiger to be his killer.

     How cruel yet fitting it is for death to love life.

[multisfabulis]

Land’s Trust in Light

Brothers in Land and Sky (Chapter 4/6)

Word Count: 4663

Finally, after who knows how many months, we get to see what Bris has been wanting to talk to Eric about since the second chapter!

There's not too much to say about this chapter. I started work on it during the week I was posting the RLD fic on other platforms and it took me less than a week to have the rewrite finished, which is good since it allowed me to post this earlier than I originally thought!

Other than that, this is the last you'll see of this fic in 2021! Depending on when I'll finish the next two projects in my docket, I'd say to expect the next chapter either towards the tail-end of February or sometime in March!

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     Today was the day. Eric stood outside the door, waiting for Bris to answer as he stewed in his anxiety. He came by as soon as he woke up and dressed himself, forgoing breakfast yet again in order to save time. This was too important for him to miss even a second of. What did Bris wish to speak with him about and what did Ferreth have to do with any of it?

     There were some theories floating around in his head. Maybe his and Ferreth’s budding friendship is something Bris is concerned about or Bris needs someone to confide in that isn’t Ferreth for some reason. Or maybe he’s completely misread the whole situation and is jumping to conclusions again. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time he gave a complex solution to a simple problem because he thought the obvious answer was too much of a red herring. Well, whatever the case may be, he’d face it head-on like he always did.

     The door swung open, revealing Bris on the other side. He had shadows under his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept well last night. Was he just as nervous about this as he was? “Good morning. Thanks for stopping by.”

     “I got here as soon as I could.” He decided to put a pin in it for now, wait till after they started to ask about it. “So, shall we head inside? I’m curious to know what you have in store for me.”

     Bris chuckled. “Straight to the point, huh?” He smiled but it was easy to see how it didn’t reach his eyes. “Come on in.” He stepped aside to let Eric through.

     Aissyl regarded them with a small nod as they walked past. Bris’ office was the same as usual, the only exception being that a white cup sat on the desk with a familiar scent emanating from it. They each took their respective seats and Bris sipped from the cup, which seemed to perk him up some. The little Eric knew of him, Bris was very casual, bereft of seriousness. Seeing him like this meant that, whatever their talk was about, it carried weight. That didn’t help his anxiety any.

     “So,” Bris began, putting his arms up on the desk with his chin resting on interlocked fingers, “how much do you know about Ferreth?”

     That caught him by surprise. He wasn’t expecting Ferreth to be brought up right outta the gate like that. “Well… I know he’s something of a handyman around here. Uh, he likes to help people, I don’t imagine he’s that much older than me, and he’s very popular, if what happened yesterday morning was any indication.” He let out a nervous laugh, his answer clearly showing how unprepared he was.

     “What about his background? What’s he told you about that?”

     “Uh, well, he said that he came from a town called Thesriden and, due to some familial troubles, he followed you all the way here just before his 18th birthday. He’s stayed here ever since.”

     “He’s been here for a little over five years now and I’ve enjoyed having him around.” Bris leaned back in his chair, sighing. “Which makes what I’m about to say hard to understand.”

     Dread and a sense of déjà vu crept up as Eric asked, “What do you mean?”

     “Long story short--” Bris stood up with both hands face down on his desk, looking him straight in the eyes-- “I want you to take Ferreth with you back to Aurora Zenith tomorrow.”

     That was the final nail in the coffin of hope. That was precisely what he didn’t want to happen today. Still, it was out in the open now, so he may as well hear what Bris has to say. If there was one thing he was glad for, it was that Bris was nothing like the pompous jackass in Brinegarde.

     He breathed in deep before responding. “Why? What’s your reasoning?”

     “How should I put this?” Bris took a step back and crossed his arms. “When Ferreth first came here, I told him he could take as much time as he needed to, to sort his life out and all that. He was barely an adult at the time, I knew it’d be a while before he could start putting things into place.”

     “It’s rare for someone to have their whole life figured out at that early an age.” He did the same, along with his legs. “However, this is a problem now?”

     “Not a problem, per se, but…” He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled. “A lot of time’s passed since then and he still doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. I know he’s fine with where he’s at now but I’m afraid of him missing out on some great opportunities because he doesn’t try to go after them.”

     “Have you tried bringing this up to him? I understand where you’re coming from but I have to ask.”

     “Yes but it ends in us arguing about it until I decide to drop the matter entirely because I don’t wanna fight with my best friend over something like this.” He went over to one of the walls and leaned against it. “I know he can do something great with his life, I just don’t want him to regret wasting his youth doing menial labor when he’s got the makings to become somebody.”

     Eric stood up from his chair at this point and walked around the desk to face him. “I may not have known Ferreth for very long but I’d be lying if I said I disagreed. He’s got a lot of potential and it’d be a shame to see it squandered before it was even given the chance to grow.”

     The corners of Bris’ mouth curled up into a small smile. He meant it when he said he believed Ferreth was capable of becoming something great. He was strong, outgoing, and, most importantly, had people skills. Almost any job he might have wanted would be easy for him to get and succeed at. It was just a matter of what his life goals were and how he would go about accomplishing them.

     “Why me, then?” he asked, tilting his head. “What do you think I can do to help?”

     “He’s taken quite the shine to you, so much so that--” Bris stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder-- “he’s willing to take the fall for what happened yesterday.”

     He tensed up. “You knew?”

     “Ferreth’s not a klutz and, truth be told, you weren’t exactly being subtle about it. He doesn’t do that often and it’s because of what he did I realized I could trust you with this.” He took his hand away.

     Eric’s brows furrowed in thought. He obviously knew what his answer was but he wondered if it was the right one. This wasn’t like Brinegarde, where Lianthorne all but threatened Ven’s safety if he didn’t take her back with him. Bris seemed to be genuinely worried about Ferreth’s future and he was doing this out of the kindness and care he had for his friend. Even so, it was wrong of him to go behind his back like this, despite what good intentions he had. Eric didn’t feel comfortable making such a huge decision on Ferreth’s behalf.

     “Does he know about this?” He felt as if he already knew the answer.

     Pushing himself off the wall, Bris replied with, “No, he doesn’t. I haven’t spoken a word of this to him.”

     “Then I’m sorry but he deserves to know.” Ferreth wasn’t even aware of what was going on behind the scenes, which was disappointing but not surprising. “This is his life we’re talking about here and I absolutely refuse to choose for him what he should do in regards to it.”

     “I understand. Just know that I won’t kick him out if he decides to stay here. It’ll probably lead to a fight later but--” Bris stood up straight and met his gaze-- “he’ll always have a place here in Thornewind.”

     Eric was about to cross the threshold when he stopped. This was most likely the last time he’d be seeing Bris before he departed from Thornewind tomorrow. He turned around and saw him sitting at his desk again, eyes fixed on a particular spot that had nothing on it. Maybe it would be better if he left him with some parting words to alleviate the mental and emotional strain he was under.

     “Bris, I may disagree with how you went about this--” he watched as Bris lifted his head-- “but I know you were only looking out for him.”

     There was a ghost of a smile on his face and he exhaled. “What kind of friend am I if I can’t tell my best friend that I’m worried about him?”

     “Someone who wants the best for his brother so much, he’s willing to risk everything for him.” That could’ve been worded a tad differently but it worked all the same. “You screwed up but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix it.”

     “...I just hope I can.”

     Those were the last words he heard before exiting the windmill. What greeted him outside was a bright sun, the noises of the afternoon crowd milling about the place, and a nice, summery breeze. However, he wasn’t up for partaking in the scenery. There was a lot going through his mind right now.

     The main goal would be to talk to Ferreth. He needed to be made aware of what Bris had planned on doing with him. Considering how he’d been curious to know what Bris was keeping secret about as well, Eric could kill two birds with one stone here. The only thing he was unsure on was how to break it to him. Would he have to sell Bris out or was it possible to tell him without making it seem awful? Was there even a way to do it that didn’t mean potentially ruining their friendship?

     In any case, he needed to strategize. Even if he managed to think of the perfect solution to his problem, he still had to find Ferreth, which was going to be difficult, to say the least. Due to the nature of his work, he could be anywhere within Thornewind and Eric simply didn’t have the time to search through every nook and cranny the town had to offer for one man. With any luck, Ferreth would stop by the inn to check in on him and they’d proceed from there.

     As he walked back to the Dravitae Inn, he studied his surroundings. People were smiling, talking with one another, having fun, just being happy. They all had stories he wasn’t aware of, lives that were nothing more than a tiny blip to him, but they still held meaning and value. How many of them did Ferreth know? How close was he to them and did he make their lives better, even in the smallest of ways? If he did decide to leave Thornewind, would they be sad in knowing he was gone? Ferreth was a popular man, as Eric noted yesterday, so his departure could possibly affect each and every life he’s touched in some way. Would it be right then to ask that of him or would it even be right at all? He didn’t know.

     Soon after he arrived at the inn, he went straight to an empty table in the common room. Lunch was a few slices of bread topped with a dark brown, sugary syrup he recognized as treacle and a cup of tea off to the side. He didn’t have much of an appetite but he needed to eat something if he was going to be having a serious discussion with Ferreth about his future.

     God, how was he going to do this? It had only been months since he was last in this position yet he was still clueless. He didn’t even see Ven that day, which he really should’ve in hindsight. He certainly didn’t want to throw Bris out to the wolves for making a stupid mistake but he still made a stupid mistake. There really was no way to salvage this wreck, was there? Why did Bris drag him into business he had no right to involve himself in?

     Nothing to do about it, then. He was just going to be straightforward with Ferreth, tell him everything while hammering in the fact Bris did it out of the kindness in his heart, even if the way in which he did it was pretty dumb. The road to hell was paved with good intentions, after all. It was worth a try.

     It was still early in the afternoon. If he had any chance of finding Ferreth, now would be the best time to go. He stood up from the table and strode towards the entrance, leaving behind his empty plate. He only got past the threshold when he ran into someone, which almost sent him falling back before he caught himself.

     What little confidence he had evaporated upon realizing it was Ferreth. He had a hand up in greeting him and a bright smile plastered across his face. Oh, how great being as blissfully ignorant as he was would be, Eric thought.

     “Hey, I was just coming to see you!” If only he could share in his merriment…

     Fighting to keep his voice steady, Eric answered him with, “Hey, um, so I talked with Bris this morning…”

     “What did he say? I’ve been dying to know.” Here comes the anxiety.

     “Well--” he clapped his hands together-- “let’s talk about that in private, actually. Maybe out in the tulip fields?”

     “Uh, sure, is there something wrong?” Ferreth asked, looking at him confusedly.

     “No! No, I just, I think this just deserves to be said without any prying ears listening in, you know what I mean? I swear it’s nothing bad!” This was turning into a shitshow with how shoddy his performance was.

     A moment passed between them before Ferreth acquiesced. “Okay, whatever you say.”

     So they journeyed to the tulip fields. Anxiety continued to simmer in his stomach as they neared ever closer to their destination. With the moment of reckoning practically here, he found that the already difficult to navigate situation had become damn near impossible to even cross because the man was walking right beside him without a care in the world and he was going to ruin him. How he wasn’t setting off any alarm bells, he had no godforsaken idea.

     They finally arrived at the tulip fields. Clouds were lazily rolling across the sky, casting shade over the town with bouts of sunshine between. The warm breeze from before was still there, ruffling the flowers and cooling the sweat off his body. What was the best way to start this awkward conversation?

     Ferreth took a seat on a patch of grass in a nearby empty field. “So, what happened with Bris that’s got you so spooked?”

     “Well, uh…” He gulped, knowing he needed to choose his next words very carefully. “Yesterday, when Bris told me to come by his office, I kinda noticed something odd.”

     “Odd? Like what?”

     “Like the timing of it. Bris said that right after you took the fall for me for what happened at the windmill. That was when I realized you were a deciding factor in that.”

     “That’s weird. Like, I can’t see how I’m a part of this when I’ve got nothing to do with your lines of work.”

     “That’s because it’s not work-related.” Eric breathed in deep, clasping his hands together tightly. “Bris asked me to take you back with me to Aurora Zenith.”

     Silence fell around them. He chanced a look at Ferreth, since he kept his gaze averted from him the whole time, and his heart dropped. It was as if he’d been stabbed in the gut, the shock and bewilderment clear as day on his face. Then his expression twisted, his eyes squeezed shut and teeth grounded together. This was anger brought on by a perceived betrayal, which wasn’t pretty.

     “What the hell, Bris?” He pounded a fist into the ground next to him, causing it to rumble beneath Eric’s feet. “He’s kicking me out? And he didn’t even have the balls to say it to my face? Seriously, what the hell, Bris?”

     Oh, he was pissed. “That’s not what he said. He just wanted to see if maybe putting you in a different environment would help you reach your potential.”

     “Oh god, he’s still on that?” Ferreth groaned, standing up to face him. “Look, whatever happens between me and him is our own business, he had no right dragging you into it.”

     “I agree!” Thank god he wasn’t the only one who felt that way. “But I’m in this now, whether we like it or not, and I can understand why he did this. He’s just worried about your future.”

     “But why does he think it involves him? What I want to do with my life, regardless of it being now or later, is none of his damn business! I’m a grown man, not some child he needs to coddle!”

     “I understand but I’m saying to please consider where he’s coming from on this. He doesn’t want you to waste your life away.”

     “Again, I ask, why does it matter? It’s my life, my decisions, and how I wish to live it has nothing to do with him!”

     This was about what he expected. In truth, he could see both sides of the argument, though he’d never admit it in fear of sounding like he was siding with one man over the other. Bris shouldn’t have tried to go behind Ferreth’s back and taken away his right to choose for himself while Ferreth seemed to be adamantly refusing to look at the situation from Bris’ point of view, painting him out as the unequivocal bad guy. At this time, it may be best to offer an outsider’s perspective.

     “...You have every right to be angry with Bris for what he did.” He forced Ferreth to meet his eyes, cutting off whatever else he had to say. “I’ve been in your position before, having someone close to me do something they knew I wouldn’t approve of because they thought they knew what was best for me.” Memories of his father and the night he and Alek decided to run away floated up to the forefront of his mind. “However, unlike what happened with me, Bris only did this out of concern for you. He was willing to risk losing you if it meant you’d have the best possible future.”

     Perhaps from the intensity of his speech, Ferreth appeared to have calmed down somewhat. “I just don’t get why he feels that way. It’s not like he’s going to be affected in some way if I don’t ‘reach my potential’ or some other shit he says to make me feel better. I know I don’t have any.”

     He was utterly floored by that statement. It wasn’t just shock he felt upon hearing the sincerity in which he said it. There was also sadness at Ferreth’s apparent belief in the idea of him having no potential or even the lack thereof within himself. He wasn’t that much older than he was so someone must’ve instilled that backwards line of thinking into him when he was young enough to need the opposite. Who could be so cruel towards an impressionable child?

     “Well, I disagree.” He took a step forward. “While I don’t condone Bris’ actions, he’s not lying when he says he sees potential in you. We both think you can be something, carve out a very promising future for yourself.”

     Ferreth scoffed at that. “I highly doubt that. What do I have that others don’t?”

     “Not just anyone has the strength, the patience, or the charisma you possess. You like to help people and they seem to really like you in return.” Eric huffed out a laugh. “That’s something I envy you for. I had to learn how to be good with people but you’re a natural at it. You think that’s not a benefit?”

     “Let’s just say that--” his eyes narrowed as his lips curled into a tight smile-- “I’ve been told I’m not worth much in my life.”

     “Well, whoever said that to you was wrong and, if they were here right now, I’d tell them they could go fuck themselves.”

     Ferreth broke out into laughter, effectively lightening the mood. Eric may have been taught proper etiquette when he was a young child but that didn’t mean he had to hold his tongue in every situation. Who was going to reprimand him for slipping into vulgarities every once in a while? He managed to lift Ferreth’s spirits up some at the very least so that was good.

     As Ferreth’s laughter died down, he cut in with, “Anyway, I’m not going to force you to make a decision now. I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning, which means you have until then to tell me if you’re staying or coming with me.”

     “Would it really be okay if I came to Aurora Zenith?” Ferreth asked with uncertainty. It reminded him of Ven when he brought up the same proposal to her back at the forest in Brinegarde. “If I left, that is.”

     “Yeah, I mean--” he chuckled at the incredulity of the situation-- “this honestly isn’t the first time this has happened. It’s just my terrible luck at getting involved in something like this yet again, especially since it’s only been a few months after the last.”

     “Right… Well, I need to go talk to Bris.” Ferreth walked past him in the general direction of town. “You didn’t deserve to be dragged into this.”

     He grabbed his arm before he left, forcing him to stay for just a little longer. “When you see him, go easy on him. He just didn’t want to fight the man he considers to be his brother.”

     There was a sigh. “Unfortunately, even brothers fight sometimes.” Those were the words he parted with.

     He watched Ferreth’s figure shrink the further away he got till he was no longer in his line of sight. He figured he may as well stay in the tulip fields, since it was too early to go back to the inn and he needed someplace quiet. Taking Ferreth’s seat, he laid back and looked up at the azure expanse above. He saw several small, shadowy figures fly across the sky, although it was hard to tell whether they were birds or dragons. His childish past self hoped it was the latter.

     God, did he ruin Bris and Ferreth’s friendship? While Ferreth deserved to know what Bris was planning, it didn’t mean he should be crucified over making an egregiously stupid mistake. There really was no way for someone to come out of this unscathed by the end, huh? He still had a lot to learn when it came to people and relationships so this was, in some regards, a learning experience.

     It was then he remembered he had his bag on him. He brought it with him to Bris’ office and he hadn’t had a chance to take it off since he left this morning. He pulled out his sketchbook, flipped to a blank page, and began drawing. It was more of a doodle than a full-on sketch but it gave him something to do other than think, even if it was only for the sake of venting.

     His idea of dragons came from the illustrations he’d see in the books he’d read as a child, which were large, scaly beasts with hungry eyes and sharp teeth that had the ability to fly and breathe fire. Whether fantastical dragons and Dradnachs were much the same or not remained to be seen. The two creatures he drew circling each other looked better than he thought they would, despite the wonky anatomy.

     One of the dragons had bandages on its legs and tiny stones floating in its space while the other had a scarf tied around its neck and a pair of great, big wings on its back flapping to keep it aloft. They were meant to symbolize Ferreth and Bris reigning over their respective domains but he figured the sketch could also work as a gifted child’s doodle of their favorite story. Looking at the finished product gave him a bittersweet feeling in his heart.

     He didn’t know what the answer would be. Obviously, he wanted to believe Bris and Ferreth would reconcile and put this whole thing behind them but reality often wasn’t so generous. He could only hope their bond was strong enough to withstand this hurdle, to not let it tear them apart.

     It didn’t matter if Ferreth stayed or left Thornewind. What truly mattered was that land and sky would continue on as brothers.