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woniepop · 3 years

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feel special ༉‧₊˚✧

➜ the three times you didn’t want to be Karl’s best friend any more and the one time you weren’t

Pairing: Karl Jacob’s x Fem!Reader

Genre: fluff, best friends to lovers au, enemies to lovers au

Warnings: Mentions of bullying, cursing

Word Count: 2.0k words

a/n: hi everyone! this is my first time writing for a mcyt streamer, but unfortunately I will not be writing works for more streamers anytime soon. This is for my lovely friend basil Ly and losingvienna’s follower event, which you should definitely check out of you are in to mcyt streamers!!

I highly recommend checking @basilly and @losingvienna out if you haven’t already!!

Ever since you met Karl, you’ve hated everything about him. He was sweet, he was caring, he was everything you’ve ever wanted in anyone. From the moment he stepped foot in your kindergarten your life had become a living hell. He was great! You on the other hand, had never felt more miserable in your life. It had never occurred to you that being different was a bad thing, but apparently, to your whole kindergarten class of 26 kids, it was terrible. But, somehow, amidst the screaming kids and the poorly colored art projects, Karl only saw you.

Your fellow kindergarten classmates stared at you, perhaps a bit too judgingly, as you sat down in your seat. Feeling super excited to come to school today, your grandma has recently gotten you your very own pink sundress, equipped with a pink satin ribbon to tie a cute little bow in the back. You wanted your classmates to like you, so you had to be the prettiest you could ever be.

“Why are you wearing a dress to school? Do you think you’re a princess?” one of the children say, rather, shout across the room. And with that, the whole class starts laughing, except you.

“What? Are you trying to impress someone?”

“OOO Y/N HAS A CRUSH!”

“I bet it’s Karl”

“Of course it is. She just wants to daaaaaaate him, doesn’t she?”

With tears welling up in your eyes and boogers dripping down your nose, you quickly stand up just to take the hall pass and run to the nearest bathroom. It was humiliating, feeling like you had tried so hard to make friends just to get laughed at. It felt terrible.

You were NOT excited for your first day of high school. Why would you be? It was just another year of “light hearted” jokes about you and how you were “so different.” Settling with a seat in the back, you tilt your head down only for the teacher to walk in right after.

“Good morning, students! Welcome to your first day of Freshman Year! I’m sure you’re all very excited for these next four years, but before that why don’t we all introduce ourselves to each other!” The teacher says, in a high pitch, peppy voice. You had stopped listening to her after that. You already knew what was going to happen, you were going to be paired up with some immature male football player looking for a tall, hot, and blonde cheerleader girlfriend, then he was going to say something stupid like, “Girls like you aren’t really my type.” No shit you weren’t his type. It happened every year. Feeling a light tap on your shoulder, you force your head up, preparing yourself for the dreadful introduction.

“Hi! I believe we’re partners for the All About Me project. May I sit here?” he says, pointing to the chair beside you. He, as in Karl Jacobs. The Karl Jacobs. The man, the myth, the legend, the boy that filled your entire life with “She just wants to date Karl. She’s such an attention whore.” With that, your eyes widen. You weren’t expecting him, nor were you ever this mad about anything in your life. You didn’t want to know anything about him, let alone do a whole project learning about him.

“Yeah, you can sit there.” You answer through clenched teeth.

“Thanks! I’m pretty sure we’re not going to be able to finish this within the period considering there are like 30 questions, so did you want to work on this in the library after school?” he asks.

“Sure.” You say promptly, not even bothering to make eye contact with him.

“I believe we went to the same elementary school, but I haven’t really gotten the chance to talk to you, so I’m glad we got to be partners for this project. I’m excited to get to know you.” He says, a glint of hope in his eyes. You hated it. Was he actually being nice? To you?

The rest of the period would have been answering all the questions on the list, but instead you guys had been side tracked, going off topic and talking about anything and everything. Putting aside your hatred for the boy, Karl seemed like a genuinely nice person. You had learned he loved gaming, which he was surprised you had a knack for as well.

“Well, Y/n, I’m sorry we couldn’t get a lot done this period. But, I’ll see you at the library later, and maybe we can even try out that new game you talked about tonight.” He says, standing up out of his chair and leaving the classroom. Maybe today wouldn’t be too bad after all.

ONE “Move!” you say, playfully shoving Karl off of you. It was the summer before your senior year, and you would have never guessed that you, Y/n L/n, would be spending your whole high school career with the boy you loathed most, Karl Jacobs. If there was ever anything you'd ever looked forward to, it was spending every Friday night with Karl Jacobs. That fateful day at the library was the start of the best tradition ever known to man.

“But we’re watching a movie!” Karl exclaims.

“So? You don’t need to watch it while squishing me half to death.”

“What do you mean? Have you ever heard of CUDDLING?”

“Cuddling has never consisted of MURDER.”

It was always like this. Every Friday night Karl would come to your house, your mom would gush at how handsome he was while she set a plate down of whatever food he wanted, and him telling her that she was the best cook ever. This is what you’ve always wanted, right? You had a best friend, who accepted you as you were, and you him. Despite always having heartwarming and laughter filled moments with your best friend, your heart hurt. A lot. Maybe the moment was just too heartwarming, or maybe this was the universe telling you that you didn’t want to be his friend anymore.

TWO “Hey, Karl!” she says. Ah, yes. Her. Karl’s childhood crush since what? Fourth grade?

“Oh, um, Hi!” He replies. There it was. That dreadful pain in your chest that only grew bigger as she sat down right next to him, disregarding the fact that you were sitting right there. The way she twirled her long blonde hair, the way she leaned over to show all of her cleavage, the way she wore skirts so short you could almost see her underwear, and the way it made your blood boil and your heart hurt until you couldn’t handle it anymore. You wanted to walk away so bad, but as Karl’s best friend you should support him in his romantic interests, even if you didn’t like them.

“So… I’m sure you’ve heard already. I broke up with my boyfriend.” she says, tracing her finger up and down his arm, making him noticeably very nervous.

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m always here.” You hear him say. Of course he was always here. He was there for everyone, and he would never try to exclude anyone from his kindness.

“I broke up with him because of you!”

“W-what”

“I want to be with you, silly!” she says. And with that, you felt your whole world go black and white. Did you hear her correctly? She wanted to be with him?

“I- I’m sorry, I can’t be with you.”

“WHAT?!? BUT I BROKE UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND JUST TO BE WITH YOU!”

“Well I’m sorry, but I love someone else. You should’ve consulted me before you threw away your relationship.”

Did you hear HIM correctly? He loves someone? You couldn’t take it anymore and excused yourself. Yet again, you ran to the bathroom feeling the same pain in your chest only 10 times worse. You didn’t want to be Karl’s friend anymore. Not like this.

THREE “I can’t believe you’re moving to California, Y/n” Karl says as he pushes his hair back, sighing in disbelief. “You’re really going to leave me?” He continues, tears welling up in his eyes as he turns to look at you with his signature puppy eyes.

“I have to! It’s always been my dream to go to college there!” You reply, feeling guilty for leaving behind everything for your dream.

“But I’ll miss you!” he says, fully knowing facetime exists, and you would always visit him during breaks.

“I’ll miss you too! But, I need to do this. Can you stay strong? For me?” you ask, cupping his face with your left hand. You had gone on one of your late night drives again, parking in an empty parking lot as you have deep late night conversations. Today’s topic happened to be college, and while it had been always known you were moving across the country after high school, the day was coming closer and it all felt too real.

As Karl leans his face into your hand, he lets out a yawn. “I guess it’s time to go back then.” you say.

“No, I don’t want to. I have to spend every second with you until you leave.” he whines. You wanted to as well, but then, there it was. The stinging in the back of your heart. You were tired of it. You hated feeling this way. You didn’t want to be Karl’s friend anymore.

THE END The warm summer air blew past you as you and Karl sit atop your roof, staring into the distance in the comfortable silence that was there from the moment Karl got to your house. Neither of you had spoken a word but neither of you cared. You just wanted to be with him. What would’ve made the night perfect was if you weren’t getting on the plane the very next morning, moving across the country.

Building up as much courage as you could, you said the three words you’ve been wanting to say ever since you had become friends. You were leaving, but before that you wanted more than anything else to let him know this. “I love you.” You say, causing his eyes to go wide. You… loved him? That was impossible.

“Yeah, I love you too.” He says casually.

“No. I love you more than in a friendly way.” You reply.

“Really? Why?” He asks in disbelief.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was because you were my first friend, but it’s definitely because you’re you. I’ve been bullied almost my whole life, and you know that. But, no matter how the world brings me down, and even when hurtful words stab me, I can smile again. Because you’re there.” You say, tears rolling down your face. You pause, before continuing on about how much he means to you. “I mean, my whole life, one moment I feel like I’m nothing at all. Like no one would notice if I were gone. But then you came! And I was so happy. Or maybe it’s cause you make me feel loved. But when I’m with you, I feel so special.”

And with that, Karl makes no hesitation in cupping your cheeks, silently wiping away your tears. In that moment, he decides that he doesn't want to be your friend anymore either. Leaning in, he whispers, “I love you too.” before he crashes his lips onto yours.

#karl jacobs #karl jacobs x reader #karl jacobs fic #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt fluff #mcyt angst #karl x reader #karl fluff #karl jacobs fluff #mcyt x reader #best friends to lovers #enemies to lovers #mcyt au #mcytumblr #mcyt fic

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sapphicmsmarvel · 4 years

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EP: Highschool Reunion

masterlist

It was your ten year reunion.

To say you were nervous would be an understatement.

You looked in the hotel mirror, dreading the people that awaited just down the street. You played with the hem of your red dress, the v neck in it showed off your breasts spectacularly and your legs looked divine.

Your goal was to look hot as fuck but be untouchable.

It was your way of showing up everyone, everyone who bullied you, made you feel less than them because you weren’t “traditionally attractive”. Hell, you got asked out as a joke many times.

It left its mark. You remember, when Emily asked you out you asked her if she was serious, she said yes. It wasn’t until your third month of dating did you relax fully and tell her why.

“You look beautiful,” Emily came up behind you and wrapped her arms around your waist. Resting her chin on your shoulder. She wore a black suit, her hair curled, and lips painted red to match your dress. “Are you ready to go?” She whispered in your ear.

“Is it too late to say no?” You whispered back.

“No but you’ll regret it.” “Ugh, but none of my best friends will be there.” You were still best friends with your high school friends but all of them couldn't come.

“But I will be.” She said gently, “and you can show those motherfuckers who’s a badass FBI agent.” She pulled away and grabbed your jacket, it was fall and chilly.

She held it out for you and you shrugged it on, then you helped her with her jacket. She held your hand all the way down stairs, to the school, into the school.

You sighed, squeezing her hand as you two entered the main hall doors. “I can’t remember a time where I didn’t enter these doors and nearly have a panic attack.” “How are you now?”

You shrugged, “anxious but, I have you.” You squeezed her hand again, “is it ridiculous that I feel like I’m on a case?” She shook her head as you two began following arrows that directed towards the gym. “To be fair, we’ve had a lot of cases recently revolving around schools.” You nodded, “okay, no more work talk. We’re apparently on vacation.” You sighed as she giggled.

That laugh had made everything better.

-------------------------------------------

While you were happy to be reuniting with old acquaintances, you were dreading when the “popular kids” showed up. Of course they weren’t on time, they were never on time to classes either.

You weren’t one to hate on others, but when those others had been explicitly rude to you or your friends. Or, asked you out as a joke. You hated their fucking guts.

In high school, you didn’t think you were considered a complete outsider. 99% of the kids in your grade were actually nice human beings but there was a select group of kids that were absolute jerks.

The type of kids who thought they could get away with anything. They’d bully queer kids, they’d treat girls like shit, thought disrespecting people was cool.

You had been updating your group chat all night, both the BAU one and the one with your best friends that you’ve had since elementary.

A lot of your peers had come up to you congratulating you on being in the FBI, news travels fast in small towns. Granted, your school had 1100 students but many were close with each other.

You were having a really good time, eating pigs in a blanket and cubes of cheese while laughing with them. Emily was enjoying how happy you were. Your peers had left to go find alcohol. Emily wrapped her arm around your waist.

Then you heard one of your high school bully’s laugh.

Oh, how you hated him.

Emily felt you tense up beside, “what’s up babygirl?”

“Toby.” You nodded to the failure of a good human being.

“Oh, can I try profiling him?”

You snorted, “sure.”

She cleared her throat all dramatically. “Okay, Toby, a football jock, thought he was hot shit when in reality he sucked. Thinks every single girl that smiles at him as a thing for him, asked you out as a joke?”

“Hit the nail on the head.”

“I can spot an asshole a mile away.” She said sipping her drink.

You slid closer to her, she gripped you more firmly. Her perfume caused you to feel calm.

“I’m gonna go get a refill.” Emily pecked your head and you were off to the drinking area.

It was all basic stuff. Wine, whiskey and beer. You grumbled and threw your plastic cup away, Emily and you were planning on going to a local bar later.

You turned, discouraged and found Toby flirting with your girlfriend.

Oh hell no.

You quickly walked up to her and slide an arm around her waist, “hey, they didn’t have any good selections of wine.”

“Y/N! How do you know this pretty lady?” He said, winking at Emily.

You smiled coldly, “she’s my girlfriend.”

“Oh! I didn’t know you were….well that.”

“That?” You asked, you knew what he was referencing, you wanted to hear him say it. “Into women, you know, a lesbo.” He laughed.

You clenched your jaw, “I didn’t know you were a beer belly flop. I guess people show their true colors after high school. Now, Emily and I have business to attend to.” You brushed him off without another glance and led your gorgeous queen away from that creep.

“What was that?” She asked, smiling. “Me getting back at him in a way, the girl he asked out as a joke is dating the woman he tried to ask out seriously.”

She smiled and laughed, “you are so amazing.”

You snorted, “I try.”

#Criminal Minds #jj criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x you #criminal minds x y/n #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x you #Paget Brewster #paget brewster x reader

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redworld96 · 4 years

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Nakaba Suzuki's interview from “Pair Sin: King & Diane Guidebook” talking about King, Diane and Howzer. (November 2018).

1. How did King and Diane come to be a couple?

Nakaba: Unlike Meliodas and Ban, I came up with King and Diane without planning to make them a couple from the beginning. The same Diane, for example, was at first unrequitedly in love with Meliodas. Then King appeared, and I decided that let him be unrequitedly in love with Diane, because it is interesting to look at the development of the relationship between the couple "fairy and giant". Well, that's what we came up with in the end. As you can see, these two are slightly different from the couples of previous guidebooks.

2. King is the king of the fairies, but compared to Meliodas and Ban, he acts cowardly and looks rather childish.

Nakaba: In a good way, he "didn't come out of childhood." Something like the lead of the seventh-eighth class: he seems to be responsible, and strives for leadership, but still a child inside.

3.He often suffers from doubts, I must say.

Nakaba: Of all the Seven Deadly Sins, he has perhaps the finest mental organization. Take, for example, the same Meliodas: his attitude towards his beloved and the strength of his feelings for her far exceed all reasonable limits. Well, maybe the point is that the rest of the "Sins" are just too arrogant, ha-ha!

4.Why is King showed as a fat man on the wanted list?

Nakaba: Apparently he was very nervous at first when he was in the Seven Deadly Sins. (King turns into a fat man when he's nervous)

5.These transitions from the appearance of an old man to a sweet boy are also not devoid of their charm.

Nakaba: Actually, my original idea was to make the "Sins" posters completely different from their real faces. During a discussion with the editor, there was a proposal to make his second look younger, but still settled on a fat man, because the contrast was stronger.

6.What about Diane? When I first saw her, I wondered if she was too big?

Nakaba: I decided to make her so big that she looked absolutely fantastic and unreal.

7.Her size is very noticeable when there are other characters nearby. What difficulties do you have to face while drawing her?

Nakaba: Usually, the camera angles are when Diane is looking at someone from above or when someone is looking at her from below, but there is no particular difficulty. Although it happens that another character is in the frame as a whole, and only a face from Diane, ha ha! But the same angles quickly become boring, so I introduced the shrinking pills into history. Well, a serious calm giantess would look intimidating, so I purposely gave her girly features and details in the costumes.

8.She hides her mouth with her hair very cute when she is embarrassed.

Nakaba: I remember that at school girls did the same when they were embarrassed. Perhaps, somehow unconsciously, I drew Diane with such habit.

9.Initially, Diane was unrequitedly in love with Meliodas, but were you going to make her a rival for Elizabeth?

Nakaba: The rivalry would have been if Meliodas reacted (or didn't) the same to both Elizabeth and Diane. Therefore, from the very beginning, I was not going to force Diane to get in between them - this is not a love comedy. But the unrequited love Diane turned out to be so touching and really liked the readers.

10.But Meliodas is still dear to Diane, right?

Nakaba: Yes, because he was the first person to treat her like a girl, and unfeminine girls like Diane are especially happy about that. Plus, he saved her.

11.Now tell us how Howzer came to be.

Nakaba: His best friend Gilthunder is exemplary handsome, so I wanted to do his complete opposite and gave Howzer a pompadour hairstyle and a bully personality.

12. Howzer is quite closely related to Diane, but he does not seem to show such obvious romantic sympathies ...

Nakaba: Right. Some people misinterpret his attitude. Howzer finds Diane very sweet, but even in his thoughts he has no intention of meeting her. Sometimes, looking at the merciful King and Diane, he will think something in the spirit of “Oh, lovebirds, eh!”. But his case is not at all the same as, for example, Jericho's towards Ban.

13. Recently, Howzer's pompadour has become more pronounced, it seems to me.

Nakaba: At first I drew him a pompadour-like hairstyle, but then there was a moment when Howzer appeared after a long break, and it was clearly in my memory that he had a full-fledged pompadour, and that's how it happened. But now it has become easier to draw it.

14. Howzer is surprisingly judicious in emergencies.

Nakaba: This is also in contrast to Gilthunder, who is usually reserved, but is noticeably aroused in battle. As you can see, this trait was appreciated by Howzer, since he was promoted right up to the Great Holy Knight.

15.Which of the three is easiest for you to draw, and who is more difficult?

Nakaba: Not that difficult, but I'm especially careful when painting King because he chooses who to talk to. Even in the group of The Seven Deadly Sins, he hardly interacts with anyone other than Diane. He's quite secretive and introverted, so I make sure these traits persist.

16.And in terms of drawing?

Nakaba: King is the most difficult. It all falls on the shoulders of my wife, ha ha!

17.What do you think is the beauty of King and Diane as a couple?

Nakaba: I think it’s their inexperience in this regard. There is no feeling of "family" among fairies and giants, which makes their relationship special; and many people like it, as far as I can tell.

18.And the proof is the number of scenes with an embarrassed and blushing King!

Nakaba: Well, yes, Meliodas harasses like some kind of pervert old man, and Ban cannot be embarrassed at all. But King has a pure and innocent heart, like the hero of a love comedy. His kiss’ scenes in general would be more suitable for any schoolboy, ha ha!

19. Diane sometimes puts King in her cleavage, without even thinking, and this makes him embarrassed even more often ...

Nakaba: Diane just doesn't think about men's opinions. I drew her keeping in mind the image of a sort of athletic elementary school girl. And for King I chose an eighth-grader boy, because it is in high school that they begin to have an active interest in the opposite sex. I think this difference creates the desired effect.

20.And Diane, meanwhile, had to endure twice the loss of memory.

Nakaba: After the battle in the capital, Diane began to slowly regain her memories of the past. At this rate, she would remember her feelings for King, and they would become a happy couple. But with their school-level love story, they would have stood out unfavorably against the background of Meliodas and Ban, and I didn't want that. Fortunately, I was just thinking of using Gowther in the plot, so I made him erase Diane's memory.

21.Gowther's act surprised many then!

Nakaba: Gowther's moves on Diane are the most effective. If he tried to use them on Meliodas, not only would he break off, but he would also get change in addition, haha! Well, then, when original Gowther returned her memory, it was Diane who best suited the role of the character who said the right words to him. In spite of everything, I think after the events of Volume 27, Diane, King and Gowther have developed a strong bond.

22.So, then everything will be smooth for them?

Nakaba: Somehow it’s not very satisfying to mock them even more, so I don’t think you should worry.

23.Which chapters with King and Diane do you like the most?

Nakaba: Probably the scene from Volume 27 when their feelings became mutual. I was finally able to breathe easy and stop worrying about this couple, which I have been drawing for so long.

24.The scenes where King rescues Diane are also pretty good.

Nakaba: In such scenes, he is always late, and someone already becomes a victim ... I myself, while drawing him, I think "Yes, hurry up, nice!"

25.Fukuyama Jun-san and Yuki Aoi-san (voice of King and Diane) noted in their interviews that they liked how Diane made one of her golems look like King during the Grand Tournament.

Nakaba: I think it was a manifestation of her love for King, which still remained in her despite her lost memory. Diane is honest, therefore she expresses her sympathy directly and openly. And King, on the contrary, monitors the reaction of the interlocutor and behaves accordingly. There is a little humanly ugly side on him, hehe. But that's what I like about him. Meliodas and Ban don't have that, so it's pretty interesting to draw.

26.If King and Diane get married, what kind of family life will they have?

Nakaba: I think they will always be that way and will be the same innocent and homely warm. Nobody will try to take a leading position. King is the king of the fairies, so he won't become henpecked either and at the right time he will be able to take matters into his own hands. But both will respect and take into account each other's opinions. Well, King will sometimes show off in front of Diane.

27.I can't wait to find out what kind of children they will have!

Nakaba: Well, you'll have to wait a little longer here ...

28.Any future wishes for King, Diane and Howzer?

Nakaba: My advice to King is not to be late anymore and protect Diane properly. To Diane, she can safely rely on King in everything. Well, good luck to Howzer as Great Holy Knight, ha ha! He is popular among readers, but in the story itself he does not have much success with girls. Hopefully he can find his lover. Personally, I think Guila would be good for him ... but I don't even know. Let him take his time in this search.

29.And finally, a few words to the readers!

Nakaba: The ending is approaching, the relationship is finally stabilizing. Well, you don't have to worry about King and Diane, they will be fine!

Sources: thesevendeadlysins-boarhat .com & Nanatsu no Taizai | Семь Смертных Грехов

#nnt #nanatsu no taizai #the seven deadly sins #kiane #seven deadly sins #king harlequin #diane #king nnt #howzer #pair sin guidebook #kiane guidebook

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britneyshakespeare · 3 years

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at the beginning of my shift at work today, a little second grade girl who recently joined the program asked me “were you (little boy’s name)’s tutor last year?”

and i said “yes, i was. how did you know that?”

she said “he told me you were but i didn’t believe him.”

“oh, well, he was telling the truth about that. is he in your class?”

“no but he’s on my bus. and he was in my class last year” (i actually knew they were in the same class last year because i saw her on his zoom meetings)

and that’s all well and good but then she said the reason she didn’t believe him is because he was one of the biggest troublemakers, he lies a lot (this was not news to me, obviously, as i was his authority figure for almost a whole school year) but then she also said he was her biggest bully, last year and then still this year.

and i was like... :/// didn’t really know how to respond. in the moment since i felt the need to *react* to what she was saying, i just kind of muttered “little boys can be like that sometimes.” but like. i fucking hate that response. it wasn’t the worst thing i could’ve said and i didn’t say it in a way to dismiss that he did it but more in like an “i understand” sort of way.

and the thing is, even though this girl is new, she just started like a week or two ago... i don’t see her playing w the other kids a lot. i mean it’s hard to tell for certain bc i don’t keep my eyes on any one child for the whole time, and she also gets picked up pretty damn early. i’ve not spent that much time w her. but my boss made that observation to me before all the kids came down today, that the other kids don’t seem to approach her, even when you try to gently nudge them towards her.

that’s one of the worst things to see as an adult in that situation, or at least for me it is, because it’s so upsetting and i know how it is to be bullied and ignored. just... not liked or appreciated. i felt a LOT of that when i was a kid ESPECIALLY in elementary school. but at the same time if you seem like you’re trying to *force* other kids to play with the one being left out... it draws attention to it and makes it worse. it can make their rejection of that child become explicitly stated, too, which... yikes that’s counterproductive.

today i made sure that once i was done helping kids w homework that i would go over to her and make sure she’s occupied, and we mostly just played a bunch of one-on-one games. and it wasn’t that long, not for more than fifteen or twenty minutes, bc her dad came to pick her up. but normally during times where i’m playing one-on-one w someone, i still get other kids still tugging at my pant leg (so to speak) asking for attention as well. maybe it was a coincidence that i didn’t get so much of that. when im focusing on only one or a few kids at a time, ppl aren’t afraid to interrupt me, regardless of the child/ren im playing with. on that fear im probably reading too much into it actually. but yeah.

to get back to the bullying by my former pupil, i don’t know what to do about that. i don’t know what kind of bully he is, and it makes me kind of concerned, what has their bus driver witnessed? he is also not a child i regularly interact with anymore, because he’s not part of our program. i’m not in charge of him anymore. i have a whole bunch of other kids under my wing now instead. i’m not even an official employee of the school.

like... i don’t assume the right answer is to... tell his mom? i havent talked to his mother in months. i also can’t be specific about what he’s done. i know he’s gotten notes home from his teacher before, but none of the ones i’ve been informed of have specifically been about bullying. but i’m not his parents! maybe they have been told! maybe they haven’t! they have a fuller story than i do.

it is the kind of thing i know would upset his mother, because she’s a very kind person and those are not the principles she wants to raise him with. i feel like i have no ownership over this situation, though.

but just as she was leaving and i told her i had a great day with her, she asked “next time i come here, if you’re here...” (she has an irregular schedule w us) “can we play together again?” and it was sweet of course but it also made me kind of sad. i said “yes of course” though. i mean duh that’s my job but i also i had a good time and she’s a nice girl.

this is what i mean when i say working with children can be rewarding but it can also be really draining sometimes. when u see their struggles and u can only do so much by yourself it sucks. but i mean this also isn’t by far the most hopeless i’ve felt about a situation. this isn’t the first bullied child i’ve had or the most unique circumstance i’ve encountered a child in. i just hope i can get her to open up more and play well w the others. at the end of the day that’s the best thing i can do with any of them.

#im not proofreading this deal w it #tales from diana #this is about work and there's not really any trigger warnings #slight bullying mention i guess

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lillupon · 4 years

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thoughts on kmg situation

Hi everyone, your friendly neighbourhood minwon writer here! I apologise to those of you who were hoping for an update this weekend. In light of recent events, I found it very difficult to get excited about Achieving Escape Velocity. Before I can resume posting, I feel it is necessary for me to work through my own thoughts.

I am not trying to persuade people into believing a particular side. I share this with the hope that it will help others who are struggling to reconcile feelings similar to my own. I also see this as an opportunity to—with your guidance—become more passionate, and to learn how to be a decent human being, if that’s what I need to do. I recognise that I come barreling in here with my own cultural and environmental biases. Thus, anyone who understands the nuances of this situation better should feel free to educate me on the matter. If this is of no interest to you, kindly scroll on; I hope to see you when I next update. Otherwise, please join me for a few minutes.

TL;DR

I support both Mingyu and the victim/OP

I believe that people change as they grow older and become more educated and informed

I am conflicted and have my misgivings about the additional allegations (group chat screenshots + bullying a student with special needs—which has now been resolved, yay!)

I will not unstan Mingyu

I will continue to write and update Achieving Escape Velocity

I want to start by saying that I am an older fan in my twenties, and that I have been a fan of Seventeen since 2015. I have found great joy and comfort in them for many years. As much as I have tried to remain impartial, I have likely fallen short of that ideal. The truth is, I adore this boy! I admire his talents as an artist. I am charmed by the persona of him that we get to see in the media; I see parts of myself reflected in this curated persona. That being said, I tried to remain critical of the stance I am taking. I asked myself, “If this situation was not about Mingyu, and was about my local weatherman instead, would I still feel the same way?” And the answer to that was: hell fucking yeah! Don’t worry, Local Weatherman, I got your back…

Lastly, I want to say that I am approaching this from a Western point of view. I grew up in Canada, albeit with the traditions and beliefs inherited from fairly strict and conservative Asian parents. As an international fan, there will inevitably be some cultural disconnects in this thought piece.

There are three main parts to my admittedly rough and disjointed thoughts. The first part addresses the original accusations. The second part addresses additional accusations that were made against Mingyu. The final part is about the future of my minwon stories.

You may agree with all of this, part of this, or none of this. These are simply the thoughts I am trying to work through.

Thoughts on original allegations (therapy records OP)

How do I describe opening up Twitter on Thursday morning? One moment, I was reading about Mingyu drawing pubes on the classroom whiteboard. The next moment, I was reading about how serious allegations against Mingyu were. People were unstanning him and Seventeen, calling Mingyu a rapist, sending him death threats, etc. I truly did not understand how the situation escalated so quickly, and I nearly gave myself whiplash trying to follow jumps in logic.

One side of Twitter was convinced that the Original Poster (OP) was lying and doing all of this for attention; they said victims could not be believed 100%. The other side of Twitter declared that Mingyu should be cancelled, and bashed anyone who supported Mingyu or remained neutral. People were sending Mingyu death threats despite the history of k-pop artists committing suicide. All of this reminded me why I avoided Twitter for so many years: Purity and cancel culture run rampant; the mobs want blood penance for every wrongdoing without first considering the nuances of the situation. People blindly defend their ults and set aside their morals to do so.

Here is what I got out of my initial reading of the translated (version 1, version 2) accusations:

OP was shy, timid, and isolated from her classmates. When she tried to speak up in class, Mingyu would tell her to shut up. This happened enough times that, eventually, OP stopped talking in class at all.

Mingyu and his friends told sexual jokes while OP was in the vicinity. These comments made OP uncomfortable and triggered her. However, they were not directed at OP.

The sexual jokes and comments did not escalate to sexual assault or violence. OP explicitly states there was no violence or physical contact.

Mingyu and his friends drew and laughed at inappropriate pictures of body parts/hair on the board. OP is not actually sure if it was Mingyu who drew the pictures, only that he was up there laughing with the others.

OP struggles with anxiety and depression; Mingyu was not the sole reason why she attended therapy. OP mentioned that she brought Mingyu up only briefly with her therapist.

Could I believe all of this being true? Yes, because I personally adhere to two Me Too philosophies:

The first is that women almost never lie about sexual harassment, abuse, or assault. I absolutely believe that Mingyu is capable of making sexual jokes and comments. Teenage boys and girls alike are notoriously emotional and hormonal between the ages of 12 and 14. I can also imagine Mingyu drawing penises on whiteboards, complete with elaborate pubic hair. These are the antics of a typical middle school boy. For some reason, teenage boys—at least in North America—are very fascinated by their own genitalia and like to announce they have one by drawing pictures of dicks on any available surface.

The second philosophy I abide by is that men and boys in power are likely to abuse it. All men—even k-pop idols—benefit from patriarchy. They are in a position to abuse, degrade, and humiliate women (obviously, I hope none of these things happen, but I also have to acknowledge the possibility that they do). This is especially true in patriarchal Asian societies. Someone as popular and attractive as Mingyu holds great influence and power in his peer groups. Can I see a young Mingyu being a dick to a girl who is quiet and timid and isolated from her peers? Yes.

But also… Who wasn’t a dick in middle school? I feel like my classmates and I were colossal idiots back then. Was it just my school where classmates told each other to shut up all the time? Was it just my school where kids put their thumb and forefinger in an “L” shape to their foreheads and called each other losers? Everyone has a different threshold for what they consider bullying, but for me, these gestures and comments were so commonplace that I merely accepted them as part of the elementary and middle school experience. These things are mean and insensitive, yes, but it’s possible to grow out of these antics.

It is difficult for me to form an opinion about these sexual jokes Mingyu made for two reasons: (1) cultural differences, and thus my own internal biases, and (2) we don’t know about the nature of these jokes. It’s hard to determine whether these comments constitute as sexual harassment without this context. Even then, people have different thresholds of what they are comfortable with, and what they are not comfortable with.

We don’t know whether these comments were along the lines of “That’s what she said” or “You know what else is big?” or “I grow hair down there...on my toes!” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Or if they were jokes about sexual experience/performance, speculation about what someone looks like naked, the colour of their underwear, or raping a person (I’ve often seen these “jokes” directed at female streamers and influencers). In my opinion, there’s a big difference between the two.

The former, while crude and immature, is not generally said with ill-intent, nor is it generally directed at a specific person. These are jokes that teens, both male and female, commonly make in North America. (Perhaps this is part of the problem: the fact that I consider this to be standard teenage behaviour...) I would hesitate to call it harassment unless the victim made it known that she was uncomfortable, and the boys continued anyway. I also understand that the victim may not have felt able to speak out against Mingyu and his friends. In this case, the boys might not have been aware of her discomfort. Teenage boys are not particularly well-known for being sensitive.

The latter, however, objectifies and diminishes a person, and is disgusting and reprehensible. The latter is, without contest, sexual harassment. Absolutely no one should have to tolerate comments of this nature. Anyone who makes such jokes should be educated on why these so-called jokes are damaging, and how they perpetuate rape culture, as well as the sexualisation and dehumanisation of women, as well as men. Anyone who makes comments of this nature should be called out (and here I emphasise called out as opposed to cancelled) for their behaviour. It is imperative that they are educated, given the opportunity to reflect, apologise, and make amends. This is with the hope they know better in the future and do not make the same mistake again.

Now, based on what OP said, the jokes Mingyu made seem more like the first case: he made a pun about body hair. I am pretty sure if Mingyu made “jokes” of the second nature, OP would have chosen to highlight that instead of a pun. However, this is something that needs to be clarified. The content of these jokes drastically changes the severity of the allegations.

Currently, I interpret this through the lens of my uncouth Western sensibilities: what OP described sounds like typical Western teen behaviour. There are many actions, events, and experiences that take place during our formative and adolescent years that come to define who we are as adults. Personally, I don’t think that drawing hairy penises on the whiteboard—inappropriate as it is—or being an asshole in middle school are these things.

But who am I to say, “Yeah, what OP went through was not that bad”? I can’t be the judge of that, and that’s absolutely not what I’m trying to do here. I don’t know the whole story, and even then, it doesn’t matter. I am an outsider in all of this. I’m not trying to diminish the years of suffering and torment the victim went through, and I apologise if that’s how I came off. Nothing I said previously changes the fact that these jokes negatively affected the victim. Nothing I said changes the fact that this girl’s voice was silenced because of some thoughtless middle school boy’s comments. These are wounds that people carry from childhood through to adulthood.

Impact matters just as much as intent. I might argue that in cases such as these, impact matters even more than intent. Mingyu might have done all these things without ill-intent, but OP’s trauma is very much real. (As a side note: This is one of the reasons why I am very happy with Pledis’ official statement. Their focus on healing and reparation—without absolving Mingyu or throwing him under the bus (yet)—is the right move.)

I’ve just been seeing so many death threats and demands for Mingyu to leave the group that I cannot help but wish people would extend him the empathy that they themselves would appreciate.

People are condemning a 12-14 year old Mingyu for making sexual puns and being an asshole. People are measuring a middle school aged-Mingyu against the ethical and moral standards they hold as adults, and they are finding that this young Mingyu fell short. This should not be surprising. I know if I judged younger-me by the standards I have today, I would be left wanting.

I remember the kind of person I was as a teenager. I was hormonal. I made “That’s what she said” jokes, among others. While I never intentionally set out to hurt anyone, I know I have said crude and unkind things. As a teenager, I didn’t possess the tact I do now; I didn’t know how to self-regulate. I could be a mean and horny kid (not necessarily at the same time, haha!), but I also had parts of me that were deeply sensitive and caring and thoughtful of others. Teenagers and adults are multi-faceted. I would not want anyone to dig up these past receipts and use it as the basis to judge the person I am now. I would not want people to pick out the worst of my past actions and words, and use it to invalidate my success today.

It varies case by case, but for the most part, I don’t think people should be punished for what they did or said as children; I would have been cancelled long ago if this were the case, as would many others. People change as they grow older and become more educated and informed. It is different if these behaviours and actions persist into adulthood. Then, yes: there should absolutely be consequences. I am not saying we can just sweep all our childhood wrongdoings under the rug. It is still important for us to acknowledge and reflect upon the wrongs of past words and actions, and to offer apologies and reparations where they are due.

Should these allegations prove true, can I support both OP and Mingyu, or is that cheating? I do believe OP and my heart goes out to her. I understand why she chose to speak out. I know it must have been difficult to do so against someone who is a man, famous, well-loved, wealthy, and successful. I know it must hurt to see the whole world adore a man who has caused you pain. South Korea has a culture of enduring silently; this results in great mental strain and suffering. In speaking out, she relived past and present power imbalances. This is not easy for a victim to do, especially when you are a woman in a patriarchal society and your bully is a male celebrity.

I hope I am not invalidating her feelings when I reiterate that Mingyu was a young teenager, and teenagers can be mean and crude—intentionally or not. Mingyu is a public figure, so naturally, he is held to higher moral standards. But he is also human. He can and will make mistakes. He can and will continue to grow. I feel a lot of empathy for Mingyu, both now as he is forced to confront his past immaturities, and as he moves forward in his career.

Thoughts on additional allegations (KakaoTalk group chat + ableism)

I will not be addressing allegations of Mingyu bullying a classmate with autism now that the issue has been resolved. (Again, I commend Pledis for their response, and for recognising that the ableism needed to be addressed first. Of the three l accusations, this was the one that Mingyu would not be able to recover from. Even now, he will not emerge from this unscathed). I will only be sharing my initial misgivings about these additional allegations.

First off, this is a very nuanced and precarious topic. I don’t want to diminish a potential victim’s experience, yet I hope people understand why I am so skeptical about accepting screenshots of chat rooms as hard proof. Here are a few reasons why:

(1) Bullying scandals have been erupting left and right, especially as of late. Some of these accusations have been proved true. Others have been proved false. Regardless, there seems to be a trend of digging up past receipts—fabricated or not—of celebrities with the aim of cancelling them or undermining their success.

(2) Screenshots and chat rooms are easily manipulated and fabricated. This is different from a victim with a face speaking out against past incidents of bullying. They could be someone with malicious intent, or they could be a genuine victim. We just don’t know. And in the case of the chat rooms, it wasn’t even the victims who were speaking out.

(3) I wondered if these were antis who jumped on the coattails of the initial OP to stir the pot. These allegations (particularly the case of ableism, which has thankfully been cleared up now) are far more serious than original claims—why wait until now to bring them up?

(4) I find it difficult to trust even yearbook proof because people can and will sell yearbooks if they went to school with idols. In addition, yearbooks cannot prove interaction, and therefore, cannot prove bullying. At the same time, how do you prove bullying incidents from ten years ago? How do you disprove it? Cases of bullying aren’t often well-documented. It essentially becomes a game of my-word-against-yours.

(5) There is a pretty well-known article from 2016 where Mingyu defended a classmate with a disability. It doesn’t necessarily disprove the current claim, but the timing is important here. The classmate shared their account back in 2016; it did not just surface after recent allegations. However, if I want to believe that the KKT screenshots are false, then I must also be willing to believe that this 2016 article may have been fabricated as well.

(6) As someone in their 20s, the thought of being in a group chat with a bunch of my middle school classmates is baffling to me. Personally, I don’t want anything to do with my middle school classmates.

There is not much more to say on this; I will patiently wait for Pledis’ statement on the remaining allegations.

Achieving Escape Velocity and other MinWon stories

In a previous blog post, I stated that when I write and talk about AEV-Mingyu and Wonwoo—or other variations of Mingyu and Wonwoo—they are strictly characters that I have made up in my head, and they are separate from the real Mingyu and Wonwoo. At the same time, I do absolutely draw inspiration from the real Mingyu and Wonwoo in the creation of these story characters. It is their faces, bodies, and voices that I imagine. Thus, my current anxieties surrounding this situation make it difficult for me to write and enjoy AEV.

However, I still love this story a lot, and I love sharing it with everyone! There’s so much more to this fic that I want to show. As I mentioned in the initial author’s note, this is the first time I’m posting something of this length and I worked really hard on it. For these reasons, I have every intention of continuing to write and update Achieving Escape Velocity. Regular weekly updates will resume this coming weekend.

#mingyu #seventeen #how the fuck do i have so much to say about this topic?#this is 3k words #and i cut out 1k LOL #210225

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nagisasstunningpersonality · 4 years

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About Assassination Classroom Characters - Kimura Justice

He has the least to go off so far but I’ll try my best

Most notably, Kimura is the fastest runner in 3E. Due to his agility, he’s also the best at parkour.

The most we really get to see about him is the one arc about his name, Justice. I don’t think I really need to explain ‘kira kira names’, as they do so in canon, but it really is a highly embarrassing thing to be called. And, hey, kids can be cruel.

That entire arc leads me to believe that Kimura cares a lot about what other people think of him. I’m not entirely sure what the extent of the bullying was, but just over something like his name... it seems to me that it got to him enough for his grades to slip and land him in 3E.

Adding to this is his seeming lack of friendship. From what I can tell, Kimura is never really... seen with anyone specifically. Not really in a friendly kind of way.

My assumption is that he hangs with the ‘guys’ in general, but he doesn’t seem to have any real relationship with anybody.

For a guy who comes off as pretty insecure, lack of social relationships also makes sense to me, though I don’t think shy is necessarily the correct word.

Furthering that argument once again, there’s an internal competitiveness where Okano is concerned. Kimura absolutely wants to be the best... perhaps because what else does he have, if he isn’t?

The character book also implies that he was at the same elementary school as Mimura and Sugaya. He wanted to be friends with them, or at least coveted a close friendship, but he felt like his sports put him at a bit of a distance. Clearly he hasn’t quite find the courage to approach people on that level.

This really isn’t canon, but I think he’d probably get along with Sugino quite well, especially more towards the middle of the year. They’re both sporty, clearly, and the right level of slightly awkward. I don’t think they’d step on each other’s toes, considering different disciplines. But I don’t know, I think they’d have the potential to be good friends.

Then of course there’s justice. Kimura does have a very strong moral code, and wants to put that to use somehow.

It’s interesting to me that he was actually on ‘team kill’ during the civil war arc. I can see why, though, considering he’d been told all year that killing Korosensei was the right thing to do.

Again, not really canon, but forgive me okay there’s not that much actual content for him. A part of me kind of thinks he might have a sort of... admiration for Karma? Not in the way Nagisa did, but it still might be there. There’s a small mention in the character book that Karma accepting his weird name caused Kimura to think hard about his. It might be a stretch, but he did also side on his team. Outwardly at least, Karma has a very carefree attitude, and for someone who seems to care too much, it’s natural he might wish he could be a bit like that.

Not that he’d ever dream of approaching him for a conversation, of course. It’s still Karma after all.

We do know that he occasionally enjoys manga. It’s implied that he does talk to Fuwa about it, and her passion leads him to end up enjoying it too. Though, he never gets so invested that it really sticks with him in the same way. I can imagine them sitting together at lunch and discussing some of the recent shounen jump chapters.

He also gets along with Yada for group work, but they’re not really friends.

It’s canon that he has a crush on Kurahashi, which developed due to her very casual way of addressing him. They sit beside each other in class, and she’s a great conversationalist, so it’s natural he might attach himself to that somewhat.

MAY BE SLIGHTLY TRIGGERING: According to the character book, his father actually got into trouble at work for drunkenly sexually harassing a colleague. And the kicker is, he didn’t really actually apologise for it, even if he’s sorry. Apparently this makes Kimura doubt the world around him a bit.

I’m assuming his parents stayed together. Unfortunately, male infidelity is a huge problem within Japanese society (hi literally writing my final year essay about it), and it is kind of ‘accepted’ by the wife. However, I do think this would cause a huge strain. It must have, for him to even be aware of it (perhaps he overheard his parents argue or something).

It’s not entirely clear when this event took place, since it’s only really a mention, but it probably does impact him, and I guess therefore his confidence as a whole. I want to keep this to canon interpretations rather than strings of potential meta, but I can imagine it really sucked to have to witness that.

In summary, Kimura is kind of plain, honestly. I think if he eventually managed to get over his internal issues and insecurity, he could definitely grow into more of a personality. After his arc, though, where he accepts the name ‘Justice’, it does at least seem like his character is moving in the right direction.

MASTERLIST

#about ass class #ass class #assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #kimura justice

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ourownsideimagines · 5 years

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You Owe Me $666 for All the Sunglasses I’ve Bought (Crowley x Reader Soulmate AU)

Characters: Reader, Crowley

Requested: Yes

Requested by: Anon

Point of View: Second Person POV

Warnings: Slight angst, cursing, probably OOC Crowley

Words: 2459

A/N: For this, the reader is going to be American. And Ugh I feel like Crowley is OOC in this *cries in celestial* Also, this likely takes place after the events of Good Omens. Also did my best to keep in gender neutral, so let me know if I fucked up.

---

Golden. That was the color your right eye was. The eye that was meant to match your soulmates. It was a beautiful color you thought. Your family, not so much.

You’d been forced to wear sunglasses since the age of three. You didn’t understand why, no one would explain it to you. They simply expected you to do as you were told. For the most part, you did. But when you were alone in the restroom, or even in your own bedroom, you would take them off and admire your eyes in the mirror. One a lovely (color), and the other brilliant gold, slit down the middle like a snake’s.

When you started elementary school, your parents were hesitant. They made sure to explain to all the adults - the principal, the lunch lady, the teachers - that you were NOT allowed to remove the glasses. Ever. The other kids thought you were weird.

Some of them had already found their soulmate. Others had two different shades, some brown and green, others blue and hazel, some different shades of the same color. No one ever had a yellow snake eye.

It was the second grade that another kid finally convinced you to take off your glasses. You’d smiled brightly as you removed them, only to let it fall in utter confusion as he and his group of friends screamed.

The truth spread fast. They all called you freak, and you were a target of non-stop bullying. Even the little girl you’d managed to befriend stopped hanging out with you. The other kids would continuously try to steal your glasses, and when they did, they snapped them in half, leaving your eyes open to the world.

Within a month your parents pulled you from school and decided homeschooling was the next best idea. You were isolated. Alone. The human contact you had was short and dull. The only friends you had consisted of people you talked to online, which were few and far between. Slowly, you began to hate your eyes. Even when alone you tended to wear your glasses.

Both of your siblings found their soulmates by the age of 18. Their eyes were, as one would call then, ‘complete’. You prayed to whoever might be listening for you to finally meet your soulmate, so your eyes would be complete, so you wouldn’t be alone anymore. You would finally be able to safely see the world without a darkened filter. After a while you started to think, maybe your parents were right for making you wear the glasses, but damn, they were expensive.

By the age of 28, you still had not found your soulmate, and you’d spent more money than you could count on sunglasses. Your parents used to get upset at you when you lost your glasses or when they broke. And it wasn’t like you’d been trying to! You came to the conclusion that you had just been born unlucky.

Somehow, though, you caught a break. You’d just finished your second to last year of college when you managed to plan your first ever out-of-the-country trip to London over summer break. Your best friend, Sophie, lived there. Sophie was the only person you felt you could trust completely. You’d met her on a confession blog that she and her soulmate, Anna, ran. You knew them both well, but Sophie had been the first to see your eyes and not treat you like a freak of nature. Anna had only seen them once. Regardless, she was nice to you.

Sophie and Anna had met when they were children, and they had both recalled the moment they realized they the person across from them was the one person in their life they knew could do them no wrong. The one person they could trust completely. You wanted that. Despite everything that damn eye had done for you, you wanted that. You were just afraid of who the snake-eyed person might end up being. Lord, you hoped they were a good person.

Sophie was there to greet you when you arrived at the airport. She was in a light yellow sundress with black tights and black boots, and she held a half-assed sign with your name written on it.

When her eyes landed on you, her face split into a huge grin. She dropped her bag, and the sign and welcomed you with open arms. Despite wanting to keep your composure, you felt a few tears fall down your cheeks in happiness. You’d wanted to meet Sophie for years.

“Welcome to London,” She said as she pulled away. Without hesitation, she gently wiped away your tears. “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

“Me neither.” You smiled widely for the first time in what felt like forever. “I’m just so relieved to get away, even if it’s only for the week.”

“Well I’m going to make sure this is the best week of your life, bitch, so you’ll have to come back.” She said with a wink.

“If I can afford it.” You laughed awkwardly.

“I’ll make sure you can afford it.” Sophie held up a hand and tapped your nose gently with a small ‘boop’ before pulling you out of the airport.

The first stop was the home she and Anna shared. It wasn’t anything huge - it had two rooms, a bathroom, a small living room, and a kitchenette. Anna wasn’t home - according to Sophie, Anna worked weekdays at her father’s furniture business, and did some custom clothing work on the side (in the corner of the living room you saw her sewing supplied all piled up in the corner). She wouldn’t be home till later.

“I took the week off,” Sophie admitted. “I want to spend as much time as I’ve got with you.”

“Oh Sophie,” You gushed quietly. “Oh, you didn’t have to.”

“Nonsense! Other than Anna, you are my best friend. I wasn’t gonna let you go around my hometown all alone, I’m not that cruel.” Sophie suddenly gets very serious. “You said you’re not allergic to cats, right?” You nodded slowly and she grinned. “Fantastic!” She skipped over to the door of her and Anna’s shared room and pushed it open.

Moments later, a large, fluffy, white cat bound out, covered from head to toe in dirt. Sophie let out a squeal of surprise.

“Shit!” She said. “Shit, shit, shit!” The cat bounced up at you, attempting to climb up your leg. You jumped back in surprise, but the cat was very determined. “I forgot to put Anna’s plants in the kitchen!” Sophie sighed. “Nina’s knocked them down!” Nina let out a loud pur as you scooped her up in your arms, and she immediately rubbed her head into the skin of your neck. You ran your fingers over her gently, dislodging some of the dirt.

Sophie stormed over, pouting as she looked at Nina.

“You little brat, you fuck up some perfectly good flowers and think you deserve a cuddle?” Nina peered up at her with bored blue eyes. You snorted as Sophie took Nina. “This is why we took away your TV privileges young lady.”

“She has TV privileges?” You asked, laughing.

“Anna and I figured out pretty quickly that Nina likes to watch Benedict Cumberbatch so we usually put on Sherlock or Doctor Strange on to keep her occupied. But recently she was being a little shit so we took away her privileges for two weeks.”

“I mean, I can’t blame her.” You giggled as Sophie avoided Nina’s playful swipes at her face with her paw.

“Ugh, you’re a bastard.” Sophie groaned, setting Nina back down. The cat bolted back towards the bedroom. “No- Gah!” Sophie sighed. “I haven’t… cleaned up yet.” She wiped her face with her hands, effectively smearing dirt on her cheeks.

“Want me to occupy her while you clean?” You offered, to which Sophie was grateful. She tore Nina away from the broken pots and over to you, and you held and played with her for a good twenty minutes while Nina cleaned up the mess. It was when Nina began bapping your face repeatedly that you quickly removed your sunglasses, knowing that if you got any kind of scratches on them you’d have to buy new ones.

“Alright!” Sophie announced, walking out of her room with a trash bag. “My beautiful fiancé’s plants are trashed,” she paused, noticing that you had taken off your shades. You guys met eyes for a long moment and then she smiled. “I was thinking you and I could go to the shop to get some more.”

You smiled, or at least tried to. You set Nina down, who scampered back into the bedroom, trailing dirt behind her.

“Yeah,” you put your glasses back on and stood. “I’m game.” Sophie grabbed her purse, fishing for a moment before pulling out her own pair of shades and putting them on.

“Let’s go then.”

The drive to the gardening shop took no more than ten minutes. The browsing on the other hand, that did seem like it was stopping anytime soon.

“What about these ones?” She picked up a pot of pink tulips, bringing them closer for inspection. It was the ninth plant she’d contemplated, of which she’d only decided on two.

“I thought Anna wasn’t fond of the color pink.” You frowned. Sophie purses her lips.

“Well, that’s mostly true. More pink clothing and accessories. Flowers are okay, I believe.” She held the pot close. “I’m going to hand this to the bloke up front, then we can keep looking.” You nodded, and she went off. You continued to wander, gazing at the different arrangement of flowers, and succulents, and some of the larger plants near the back. You held up a rather small spider plant, and decided that when you got home you were going to spruce up your place with some nice house plants. You’d been thinking about it for a while, but being in that shop just solidified the idea.

You begin making your way back towards the flower when a man rounds the corner and you crash into each other. You stumble back a bit, and take him in. He’s tall, with short, red hair, dressed in what you could consider semi-casual clothes. His eyes are covered by a pair of sunglasses, not much unlike your own - including the side shields you sometimes had to put in yourself. He looks a bit annoyed by being ran into, but neither of you say a word because they catch in your throat.

There’s a sensation of almost burning behind your eye - nothing uncomfortable, to your surprise. But it’s enough that you have to gape, removing your glasses so you could press your hand into it. The man quickly does the same, turning away from you with a short curse.

It’s the moment you’re able to open your eyes again that it hits you. As you stare at this man, you can’t stop yourself from gently grabbing his wrist, something it seems he’s going to jerk away from until his head snaps in your direction, and a pair of brilliant snake eyes stare back at you. The same color as the eye that caused you so much trouble growing up.

You could have cried, and you probably were. The man swallowed thickly, glancing back and forth to make sure no one was around before his eyes settled on you again.

“You’re…” he paused, unsure what to say.

“I thought I was never going to find you.” You blurted out, flushing quickly. “I-I wasn’t sure there was really someone with… well, your eyes.” Hesitantly, you reach up to cup his cheeks, and he watches you closely.

“I didn’t think there was really someone out there for me.” He replied. His eyes searched your own for something, though you weren’t sure what.

“What’s your name?” You asked, pulling away slowly. You were a bit surprised when he caught your hands.

“Crowley.” He gave your hands a light squeeze.

“(Name).” You replied. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Crowley.” You saw the faintest smile on his lips as he let go of your hands, placing his sunglasses back on.

“Likewise, (name).” He looked around again, opening his mouth to speak again when suddenly he was interrupted.

“There you are!” Sophie said from behind you. “Should I keep a leash on you?” She joked. You turned around to face her, and she caught sight of your face for the first time. Her eyes widened. “Oh-” She looked at Crowley, realization truly hitting her. “Oh! Oh, shit.” She laughed, but slapped a hand over her mouth. “Holy shit.”

“Sophie,” You sighed.

“No, no! I’ll leave you be.” She came up to you, pulling you into a bone crushing hug before pulling away, her eyes going between yourself and a slightly amused Crowley. “You know how to get back to the house, right?”

“Yes?” You said, a bit puzzled by the question. Sophie smiled, turning on her heel before sauntering off. “Sophie? Sophie, what the hell.” You hissed, half tempted to follow her before remembering exactly who was standing behind you. You turned back to Crowley, an awkward smile on your face. “I’m… So sorry about her.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Crowley shook his head gently. “I have a friend who may have reacted in the same way, except, well, without all the cursing.”

“Sophie’s been my friend forever now,” You laughed. “She’s the only thing keeping me sane sometimes.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Aziraphale.” He chuckled. There was a moment of silence, but it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable. Seeing him smile made your heart feel warm and fuzzy. Was this what it felt like to be in love? To feel loved?

Lord, you’d only just met the man, but you knew there was nothing you wouldn’t do so see him smile like that forever.

“So, uh, (name),” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I know we just met and all, but, uh… Well, I was wondering if you’d like to go get some lunch? There’s a bakery a couple blocks away, and I’m… I’m sure you have many questions about…” He ran a hand through his hair, still stumbling over his words, but you knew exactly what he meant.

His eyes.

“I’d love that.” You agreed with a smile. “Seeing as my tour guide’s basically abandoned me.” You sighed. “Though, you know, my parents taught me never to accept invitations from strangers.”

“Strange? Me? No.” He shook his head, chuckling. “I think you’ll find I’m absolutely normal.” You laughed in response. Then, he held out his arm. “C’mon. I think it’s time we got to know each other. Smiling, you looped your arm with his.

“I look forward to it.”

Let’s just say, you were going to be staying in London for longer than you’d planned.

#good omens #good omens x reader #crowley x reader #crowley x reader good omens #soulmate AU #crowley good omens #anthony j crowley #crowley #x reader #reader insert #good omens reader insert #my writing #reese writes #the ineffable queue

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rankdisasster · 5 years

Text

thick as thieves

“I am going to give you angst because... let’s face it, we love it. two and five.” requested by @fortheloveofhargrove

#2: “Close the door.”

#5: “Why are you helping me?” from dialogue prompts

warning(s): swearing

a/n: takes place in California, starting as Billy being a dickish 15 y/o. it goes on from there, you’ll know when there’s a little time skip. enjoy:)

—

“Jesus, what’s it gonna take to get you to stop squirming?”

“You are about to stick a needle in my ear, I think I’m allowed to be a little nervous. Won’tchu just cut me some slack, alright?” Billy snaps back at you, no doubt getting wound up because of the risk he’s taking doing this.

Billy has his arms tightly grasped around a throw pillow he stole from the couch, bracing himself for the upcoming pain of doom. His eyes have been squeezed shut as you take the melting ice cube between your fingers and delicately hold it up behind his earlobe. You’ve yet to even puncture him with the needle and he’s already sweating buckets. The teenage boy had asked you to hurry up and get it over with three times already, not even helping you out the slightest bit by staying still while bossing you around either. Typically, your role being the ‘smart one’ in your long lasting friendship would assign you the task of talking him out of wanting to do a foolish thing like this. On one hand, he had plenty of safer alternatives as opposed to going to you, an amateur, for getting the accessory punched in to his ear.

This ever changing dynamic of your platonic relationship had been set aside by the boy since you two started high school this year. He stopped taking the bus with you to and from school since his temperamental father started giving him lessons on how to drive. Another petty example of pretending he didn’t even know you was saying nothing when he passed by you in the halls, or stopped ringing you late at night when he needed help studying or just to talk. Other small things had added up to you barely hearing from him unless he wanted something from you; in this case, a free piercing job. It was hard to deny, but you’d refused to confess how your heart jumped at the opportunity of spending an evening with him again just like old times.

Unsurprisingly, the teenage boy didn’t bother making small talk about his day or giving you virtually any clue about the trouble he had been up to during these recent weeks ghosting you. Of course Billy didn’t care much for what you had to say either, he only wanted one thing and one thing only.

“Stop being a brat for five seconds, then I’ll cut you some slack,” you bite back. He’d rolled his eyes then gasped harshly at the sight of you picking up the freshly cleaned and heated needle from the coffee table. “Want me to count to three or surprise you?”

“Uh, surprise me.”

“Kay. What is this even for, anyway? Last I checked this one’s the gay ear,” you snort, watching him freeze up and widen his anxious blue eyes.

“Wait, WHAT!” he howled in a panic, giving you the perfect opportunity to stick the sharp end right through the lobe, watching him cringe and practically catch flies with his wide open mouth. “Ow, fuck!”

“You told me you wanted it to be a surprise,” you smugly point out, wiping your hands on a napkin after finishing the favor. He sends you a glare at your trickery before getting up and going to the mirror that hangs in your living room.

“Hell yeah. Not too shabby, Y/N. Thanks,” he smirks at his reflection, scoping out the brand new element to his ‘cool guy’ image. Not taking his eyes off his appearance, the boy continues fiddling with his hair and turning his head at different angles to inspect the fresh hole in his lobe. You’ve sat back and crossed your arms, rolling your eyes so far back at his disgusting vanity. He might as well be humping and kissing the mirror right in your own damn house. After getting noticed by all of the popular pretty girls and patted on the back by all the designated cool guys, he thinks his dick grew over ten feet in size or something, and you’ve been downgraded on his list of priorities.

Being the best of buds since elementary school, Billy’s had your back along every step of the way growing up. You’d write all the answers to tests on his forearm for him, he’d keep all the bullies away from you. Each of you would take turns sharing lunch every week. His favorite thing to gobble up at any given chance was your squeezable applesauce, and your favorite snack coming from his lunchbox was always string cheese. There was barely ever a moment you’d be seen without each other.

Middle school went by in a flash of painful and awkward moments, but despite all the friends he made in Little League Baseball, he for some reason still stuck around with you. Maybe you couldn’t do the same sleepovers like you used to as pre-pubescent children, but he’d still give you your favorite string cheese and hugged you tight whenever you wore a frown.

Now, both in your freshman year of high school, things weren’t as easily labeled as black or white. There were cliques and expectations that Billy abided by, and you just didn’t fit in with any of that. Instead of letting you down easy, it was more of a hurtful shock the day he decided to ditch you at lunch for the girls that had been eyeballing him during gym class. Now, not only did he try his best to bury your friendship somewhere deep and never touch it again, you’d went great lengths to avoid any confrontation with him or his posse.

That all just went to shit for the first time today, when he approached you about said earring. You didn’t know how to say no, and you weren’t sure you could if you tried.

“Okay, Kiefer Sutherland, you got what you asked. Why the hell would you want some douchey hanging earring anyway? That a new trend or somethin’ I don’t know about?” you ask, not hiding your judgement the slightest bit. He throws his denim jacket over his bare shoulder exposed from the muscle tee he’d been wearing, then gives you a cheeky grin before answering.

“Sammy Anderson from bio said it’d look good on me. You know her, brunette with the legs. She thinks it’s pretty gnarly,” he nods his head back and forth, sucking his bottom lip with his teeth before not long after snapping out of whatever daze he had been in.

“Since when did you even give a shit what people thought looked good on you?”

“Since they started actually telling me,” he shrugs, not caring how pathetic it may be that he went through all this trouble just for one off-hand comment some girl from class made. You hide your scoff with a forced laugh, walking passed him and bumping shoulders on your way to the kitchen. Billy furrows his brows at your attitude and the diss, following you to where you’ve been preparing a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios for yourself.

“‘S the matter with you, huh? I thought you wanted to hang out again,” he asks, confused by the conflicting mixed signals you’d been sending. You chomp on your Cheerios and take your time swallowing the satisfying bite before looking up at him.

“I never said that.”

“Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but who called whose house every night then turned into a jealous bummer as soon as one of them started making better friends?” he asks rhetorically, petting his chin and pretending like it’s some thought provoking question. You can’t believe the audacity he had calling you a jealous bummer when he left you for good without batting an eye at the loss of friendship. Your chair screeched as it dragged on the floor when you stood up out of it, keeping your bowl in your arms before showing him the door. You nod your head towards the exit wordlessly as Billy stubbornly stays put, not through with his point yet.

“Well, Kiefer, this bummer is asking you to leave. I got you your stupid fucking earring like I promised, and let’s hope you know how to keep it from getting infected, otherwise I’m done listening to you and your new inflated ego.” you finished, ending your speech with a slurp of the milk from your cereal bowl, waiting for him to take himself out. Billy calls it a day, shaking his head and saying more pussy accusations under his breath before making it to the door, stopping to invade your space.

“This better not be in the fuckin’ gay ear, or you’ll be hearing from me again, just so you know—“

And with that, you slammed the door in his face and locked it before sauntering back to the kitchen, carefree as you pour yourself another bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.

—

Your freshman year went by without anything to really mark it as a special year. Maybe you met a few new faces, people a year above your grade that were kind enough to show you around and give you a better outlook on what high school could be. Billy only gained more and more followers, becoming the alpha dog at only fifteen years old with eighteen-year-old’s wanting to have him or be him.

With the new earring you’d pierced for him, Sammy Anderson was always seen pawing at him like an annoying house cat, and he’d put on a show most likely just for your eyes in particular. To make you envy the brunette, Billy would strut around the halls he knew you walked through like a catwalk, hoping you’d see and think he was all that. Sammy, for some reason, couldn’t pass any ninth grade classes although she was a junior, she still shared a few periods with a freshman Billy. She was shameless about riding the fifteen-year-old’s dick, and had been made aware of you being the prime target for where and when they show their public displays of affection.

You really could give a shit about the drama he put you through anymore. Yeah, it really hurt having someone you stood by a good chunk of your life leave, but there was nothing you could do about it. Other than just find your place and where you belong on the food chain of high school, which wasn’t much to brag about. You had your humble few friends that were loyal and been told about your past with Billy Hargrove. They couldn’t believe with your personality and his transformation that you’d ever been affiliated with him in the first place, and honestly you couldn’t believe it either.

Sophomore year was starting now, and it was getting to be the season for those annoying high school dances that every movie or book goes on and on about. Less than thrilled but obligated to attend, the dance was in full swing when you’d arrived in your outfit of choice. Dressing up wasn’t ideal, but you’d made somewhat of an effort trying to be presentable for the expectations that these gatherings hold. After finding your group and huddling close together, you’d excused yourself for a bathroom break and walked down the empty and eerily quiet hall to the restrooms. You had no idea what you were in for when you stepped on someone’s foot that was completely covered by the dark.

“Christ! The fuck is your problem, huh?” the all too familiar voice had shouted in anger before the sound of runny sniffling followed. He pulled the foot you had stepped on further away so that you couldn’t do it again and cursed again under his breath. Of course, it was none other than your long lost bestest friend Billy.

“Jeez, sorry. Not my fault you’re sitting in the fuckin’ darkness,” you defend yourself, still terrified by the disadvantage you have being unable to see a goddamn thing. As if God himself had been listening to your thoughts, a dim light turned on and illuminated parts of the hallway, as well as a disheveled and evidently heartbroken Billy curled up on the floor, holding onto his knees. The tux he wore had been loosened, and his hair looked like he’d ran his fingers through it one too many times out of stress. He looked like a fucked up mess.

Just as you were staring him up and down, a stuttered exhale had fallen from the boy’s lungs as his hands desperately scrubbed at his watery eyes. It didn’t take a degree in psychology or whatever the fuck else to gather what’s going on here.

You approached him cautiously, as gentle as approaching a frightened deer, knowing how deeply sensitive and guarded Billy is at all times. The walls he’d built while playing the role of California’s resident fuckboy. You’d seen him cry only a handful of times, and that was mostly when you were kids and had excuses to cry about everything. Kid cut him in line, or made fun of the design on his lunchbox. Basic things that children often cry at, but you’d remembered the one night you saw him fall apart right in front of you the night his mom had fled without a trace. All the questions Billy and even you had about her whereabouts were still unanswered, but that never got brought up again after the breakdown he’d suffered through while huddled up in your arms. The poor thing was was so confused, not even knowing if his mom had kicked the bucket or just wanted the fuck away from her husband, even if that meant leaving her son.

Point is, it was always a rollercoaster when Billy got emotional, and you just so happened to walk right into him while he was in the middle of one of his fits.

“Oh. It’s you,” the teen grumbled, obviously disappointed at you being the one to catch him having an episode in the dark hallway outside the school’s dance.

“Hey, uh... What’s going on here?”

“I’m a fucking idiot who should know better is what’s going on. That’s exactly what you wanna hear though, isn’t it?” he hisses, dark and twisted as he fails to hide the runny nose and tears spurting down his cheeks. Immedietely forgetting all the shit you both went through freshman year, you bowed down to his level and sat by where he layed dejected and despondent on the ground.

“Not exactly what I wanna hear,” you murmur, looking at him before touching his arm with apprehension. When he didn’t shoo away from your grasp, you thanked God that Billy didn’t snap at you and tell you to piss off. You’d been pleasantly surprised at that moment when instead he leaned further into your touch, covering his face with his palm as he sniffles in misery.

“I see you put a new earring in, pretty kickass. Bet the ladies love it,” you admire the cheesy new gothic pendant that dangles from his ears. Anything to get his mind off of what’s troubling him will count as a win in your book.

“What ladies, you mean Sammy Anderson? She just dumped my ass in there and started dancing with some other white trash asshole. Figures,” he takes a red and white box out of the pocket of his suit and you notice that it’s Marlboro Red cigarettes. You weren’t in the loop of what he’d been up to since starting high school, but smoking seemed to be new. He lights it up and puffs on it like a natural, like he’d been doing that his entire life, and it’s a sad picture for you to see. The snot bleeding from his nostrils hasn’t quit, and you snatch a back up tissue from your bag and hand it over without thinking twice. The broken boy looks from the tissue then back to you a couple times before taking it and blowing his nose. When he dunks it in the trash can and makes it in, you cheer him on and give a lighthearted high five. After the brief moment of silliness is over, Billy looks over to you with bewilderment in his eyes.

“Why are you helping me?”

“People grow apart all the time, Billy. It’s the most natural thing in the world. That doesn’t mean I can’t care for your well being,” you reason, biting your tongue to keep from saying anything more that you may regret in the long run.

“Uh, yeah. Guess you’re right. I care about your like... well being and stuff too,” he mumbles, taking another drag of nicotine before offering you a hit.

You shake your head and hold up your hand.

“No thanks. I came here to use the restroom is all,” you move to get up from the floor before Billy is quick to join you.

“Yeah, go ahead. Just one thing real quick, I wanted to say sorry. All the shit I pulled last year wasn’t cool at all. But I’m always here for you too, yeah?” he confirms, gazing into your eyes making you freeze on the spot.

“It’s alright. I’m about to piss myself right now though, so I’m gonna go,” you chuckle, pointing towards the ladies restroom. The boy is quick to laugh with you, urging you to do your business.

“Wait, Y/N,” he calls out, standing at the end of the hall by the entrance to where the dance is still being held.

“Yeah?” you shout back, bladder close to giving out as you stand by to watch Billy fumble from the end of the hall before hushing:

“You look really beautiful tonight. Whoever you’re with is lucky as hell.”

—

Junior year comes, and you and Billy haven’t properly spoken since the dance when you’d caught him crying in the dark and accidently stepped on his foot.

He hadn’t calmed down on his ruthless antics, but they’re not directed towards antagonizing you, so that’s a plus. You had accepted that he just wasn’t apart of the path you’d been on and you weren’t apart of his. How the circle of life goes, or whatever.

Billy had found himself yet another new beau, Ashley something, her last name had escaped your mind. He’d still been just as obnoxious with his frequent PDA tendencies at school and elsewhere. You had shared a class with her last year, so you know at least this time she’s his age, but you don’t know anything deeper than that. He wouldn’t ignore you when you passed by each other in the halls, giving you a pointed look and a little wave, which you returned every time. Unbeknownst to you, his group that ruled the whole school always wondered how the hell he even knew you and why he’d never forgot to acknowledge you if he saw you anywhere. The blomde would just tell them to keep their fucking noses from his business and never mess with you or any of your friends.

On this night, for the first time in three years, Billy had invited you to come over, insisting actually. Over the phone he made it clear he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He chewed on his fingernails while anxiously chainsmoking, his leg tapping up and down so fast it might as well fall off. He’d been waiting for your arrival the last fifteen minutes, counting the minutes and even the seconds until you finally show up. It was a hasty knock on his bedroom door that made the boy throw himself out of the chair he’d been seated in and take a deep breath. Temporarily setting his smoke down on the window sill, he raised his voice when telling you to come in.

You’d opened the door and walked in like you’d never been here before. It was difficult for Billy to see, remembering all the days you used to come in and make yourself at home in his room. All the toy cars and dinosaurs he’d collected had disappeared, now replaced with various colognes and mountains of hair gel, as well as more jewelry strung around every surface. You were astonished seeing a set up of heavy weights in the corner too, but you’d neglected to notice him grow bigger and bulkier as he matured.

“Close the door,” he whispers, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans as your eyes got bigger at the serious tone the boy had used. You softly shut it all the way, unsure about what it is Billy wanted from you this time.

“So uh, you want me to pierce anything else? A nipple maybe?” you joke, trying to ease the unbearable tension that’s making the bedroom seem claustrophobic and stuffy. Billy doesn’t laugh, feeding more into the uneasy feeling stirring in your gut and instead sits on the edge of his bed and pats right next to him, signaling for you to take a seat. You swallow audibly before doing as you were told, crossing your arms and legs on the firm mattress, thinking it’ll somehow soothe how frightened you are of whatever he’s about to tell you.

“You want one?” he offers you another one of his Marlboro’s, this time a blue pack as opposed to the red’s he smoked at the school dance.

“No. I told you I didn’t smoke,” you remind him, which he nods in understanding.

“You don’t mind if I smoke in here though, do you?“

“Fucking A, just tell me what this is all about, Billy! You invite me over for the first time in years and you’re acting real fucking weird, so if you would just... just spit it out already—“

“I’m moving outta California.”

You pause, needing to get a better grip on your rapid beating heart that’s going as fast a drum solo from some rock band tune. Billy stares at you intently, waiting to see what your reaction will be like. When he receives nothing but a gawking expression still smothered on your face, he goes on to give you more details of his departure from California.

“I’m uh, I’m leaving. Overheard my old man talking on the phone, we’ll all be outta here by the end of the month. He wasn’t even planning on telling me until the day of,” Billy explains, his lip trembling up and down at the thought of leaving everything, his home, and especially you behind.

“W-Where?” you choke out, not knowing what the fuck to even say besides spouting the endless questions swarming your mind. Billy looks at you and copies what you did the night of the school dance when he was the one in pain, touching your arm and wrapping it with his palm. He rubs his thumb in circles there for a bit.

“Some shithole town in Indiana,” he answers before going on to the reason why he had invited you here other than just giving you the news. “I um, I wanna ask you to do something,” he stutters, one dramatic tear dropping down a cheek from his right eye as he holds your arm tight as if you’ll flee away if he ever let go.

“Sure, Bill. I’ll do anything,” your hand reaches to cup his cheek to comfort him, learning that touching him when he’s in distress always helps more than it hurts.

“Come with me, please,” he invokes, leaning further into your touch as the bridge he’s spent years building keeping everybody out shatters, leaving him wipe open and terrified of being left alone. Starting all over again his senior year in some dried up small town, without his childhood best friend roaming the same halls as he will. “I’m serious. You’ll... we can do it together. Just like old times, right?” he asks, pulling what looks to be your infamous favorite snack, a cheese stick from his back pocket and handing it over to you, hope in his eyes.

“Are you fucking insane?” you withdrawal from him, not taking the stick of cheese and waiting for the punchline of some sick joke he’s pulling. Billy cannot possibly be serious, his only bribe for you to come with him being some snack he used to give you as a kid. He had the balls to think he could perfectly replace your family and your friends just for his own selfish needs and a stick of cheese.

“No. Right now I’m sure as shit making way more sense that I ever have in the past three goddamn years, Y/N. I fucking love you, and the thought of being away from you is making me fucking sick,” the boy grimaces, wishing he could pull you close to him again but the chance of getting your permission isn’t likely.

“You.... what?”

“I know. But you love me too, I can see that you do.”

“Dude, your shroom dealer is amazing. Wanna hook me up sometime, or—“

“Stop fucking around and be straight with me, okay! There’s no way in hell any of this was friendly from the start, you don’t cheer up your cryin’ ex-best friend on the floor just because you’re some goddamn saint. You did it because that’s love, alright?” he stands up, pointing his finger at you as tears stream freely out of his broken blue eyes.

“This is a joke, right? I gotta be dreaming or something,” you squeeze your eyes shut and try pinching your arm in an attempt to wake up from alternate reality you’re helplessly trapped in. Billy gets down on his knees and grasps both your wrists in his heads, staring at you dead in the eye.

“Sammy Anderson didn’t mean fucking jack to me, okay. Same goes with Ashley, too. You’re it for me. Don’t you understand?”

“No, I don’t. You aren’t supposed to ditch who you love just to chase some tail! You left me, only coming to me if you needed something from me; now you want me to take some big leap of faith for you? After all you’ve done?”

Billy hangs his head in his hands in agony before pacing around the perimeter or his room back and forth. He doesn’t know what else to say, so logic has officially left the building. Now he’s receded to throwing up all his deep secrets hoping it’ll have some affect on you or make you do something, anything.

“Y’know, when I lost my virginity to Sammy in the chick’s bathroom at school... I thought of you the entire time. She didn’t even fuckin’ blink twice after I said your name instead a’ hers, she just kept going—“

You plug your ears, desperate to tune out the boy’s filthy story telling, throwing his own pillow at him to get him to knock it off. He catches it with a stealthy hand, keeping his grip on it as he listens to you whine and moan.

“Aw, c’mon man! we could’ve easily kept discussing this without any of your dirty—“

“Stop it. Stop stalling and give me an answer right here, right now. Tell me if you love me too.”

You scrape your scalp, dreading having this painful conversation, dreading giving him the ugly truth. Once upon a time if he would’ve done this sooner, your answer would’ve been different.

“I... I just can’t keep this up, Billy. I can’t do it anymore. I gave so many parts of myself up for you, but it’s too late now. I won’t throw everything I have here away just so you can use me when I’m convenient, alright? Fucking...” you look up, watching as your childhood best friend crumbles to the floor and hugs the pillow to his chest, eerily similar to the time you pierced his ear for him in the ninth grade. You swiftly sit up off of the bed, going down to his level again, just like the night of the school dance. Getting ready to give him more soothing, encouraging words, something like ‘it’ll be alright’ or a promise of visiting him in the near future, all of that gets ripped away from you when he makes his next move.

Without any warning whatsoever, Billy takes your jaw and smashes his lips to yours, forcefully pressing you further into him. The pillow he’d been clutching had fallen to the ground between the two of you.

This was the last fucking straw, and you’re exhausted to shit now.

You shove him off of you with a hundred percent of your power, wiping his saliva from your mouth with disgust and backing up to the other end of the bedroom, as far away as possible from the weeping boy.

“Stay the fuck off me. And have fun in Indiana, I’m sure you’ll be missed by all your fans at school.”

—

Billy is equally as antsy as he is pissed off when the Hargrove family makes their way to the airport, the boy staring out the window with a permanent worried look in his eye at how he left things with Y/N.

As he boards the plane, giving his younger step sibling Maxine a death glare for the window seat, he holds his gaze out the little window at the clouds surrounding the wing of the plane. When they land in Hawkins, Indiana, he’s still filled to the brim with regret at everything he’d done. He thinks of all the what if’s, like what if he hadn’t cared so much about his reputation, what if he’d kissed you sooner, what if, what if, what fucking if. The list goes on.

“People grow apart all the time, Billy. It’s the most natural thing in the world. That doesn’t mean I can’t care for your well being.”

He’ll hate himself for along time after using you, ignoring you, and ultimately abandoning you at the beginning of the hell that is high school. But that’s just the way it goes for guys like Billy. It could’ve gone the other way, too, such as following him to Indiana and loving him back after all. But that version’s just a figment of his imagination.

—

and then they all lived happily ever after and stuff. what I was trying to pull off was showing a meaningful friendship that started dying out and Billy’s transformation to douchebag was the perfect pitch for it. then for the tables to turn on who wants to be with who in the end was also what I wanted. I’m still working on more prompts and requests and stuff as usual ! thank you for everything:)

#billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things #billy hargrove

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keepyourpantsongohan · 4 years

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Ayesha Liveblogs Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card S1

Not to be someone born in the 90s but wow this is a change from the more simple animation style new anime truly likes things shiny, intensely bright and round lmao

Ah I guess the prologue is just a reanimation of the original anime finale? That’s fair it helps you reintegrate if it had been nineteen years for you

“That way, you’ll realize who you consider to be your Number One” Eriol’s advice has gotten less cryptic since he stopped lying

“The person I love the most... is you” Lmao didn’t Syaoran ALREADY do this confession in the final battle this is like in Naruto the Last where Naruto just forgot that Hinata had already said she loved him

Fdshkfjhkjdfhksjhfkjh wow Yukito appearing with a flower background and shine effect and softened face is this a style choice or is this just Toya Vision™

I think Toya’s voice IS different rest in pieces I still respect u bro

“How do I feel about Syaoran” [Pan across Syaoran in floral background] It is a style choice how very shojo manga of you

I’m really very confused by the references to Tokyo Tower bc I’m pretty sure they were battling at Tsukimine Shrine did I miss something??

No I just checked it was definitely at the shrine in the anime did THEY not check or were they like ‘hmmm not enough drama only Tokyo Tower for our battle backdrops pls’

This is the third or fourth flower backdrop in the first ten minutes jkhkdjhg the floral effect artists said ‘I WILL BE SILENT NO LONGER’:

I DO NOT understand the chronology of this the bear exchange was the last scene in the anime is this before or after the finale???? If it’s after then why is Syaoran still in town

Rjhkjhgkj is the entire point of redoing this episode so Sakura could also give Syaoran a bear

“Toya was too embarrassed, so he had me bring it over and went back to his room” Lmao @ Toya sending his boyfriend to be nice to his sister in his place

If this show does not stop the floral cutaways I will not be able to take it seriously it is Ouran High School Host Club levels of intensity jdshfkjshdfkjhsdk

“Will you wait for me?” “Yes! I’ll wait! I’ll be waiting!” I think they threw out all continuity just so they could establish that these feelings were for sure mutual for the setup of the sequel series

That, or the original series so heavily discarded manga continuity that they are trying to walk it back to something more accurate without any real explanation

Rffkghkfghkdfhgkj if they’re referencing the original anime bear scene what was the point of that stupid prologue SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH

“My name is Mike. I’m from Portland” LOL references to Americans in anime are always so funny

“Now I can stay in Tomoeda forever” did u bring ur mom and sisters orrr

Gosh I’m actually quite thrown by how quickly this romance escalated it took them 57 episodes to just use each other’s first names and now it’s taken them one (1) episode to Commit 4Ever At Age 13

HAHAHA do they have smart phones now? Always on the cutting edge

“I Am a Stuffed Animal” some of the quirky captions ARE worth it

“Make sure you tell him... even the smallest things” Yue has become more of a romantic since he got closure and a part-time boyfriend

“I never knew! Thanks for telling me!” “Never change, Li-kun” kjhgkjhdkj STILL MY GULLIBLE BOY some things don’t ever change

Is that a dragon?? They are really expanding this magical universe

It bears repeating the polar opposite levels of pacing from the two shows it’s only episode one and they’ve already established so many new rules and powers

I don’t blame them for it though bc they have to put forward some kind of plot progression

There were so many visual effects in that scene I couldn’t even tell what was happening lmao it’s like reading manga battles

“But why are these things happening in Tomoeda again?” I mean not to point fingers but Syaoran’s arrival is fairly recent

“Did Wei-san come back with you” “No, just me. But he said he’d come to check on me in a while” HE’S 13?? CHILD. WELFARE. LAWS!!!!

“I wish that I could’ve used it as a reference” “For what?” “To make something that would look wonderful on you” LMAO now that Syaoran and Sakura are a thing He is Included in the outfits

“’Great to have you’ so you can do what?” don’t bully ur sister Toya, u r both happy with your respective relationships now

WHAT ARE THE STAKES OF KERO PRETENDING TO BE A PLUSHIE TOYA IS LITERALLY DATING THE MOON

I understood “Gale” but what exactly is a “Siege” card this feels a little abstract

“We managed to keep him in the dark” did u tho? Again. Moon boyfriend

“So it happened in her room” Did u put a protection spell on that bear or something Syaoran

I genuinely do not tire of Syaoran and Sakura’s shared gullibility this couple is morosexual solidarity

How convenient that Sakura’s new key just announces whenever there’s a new clear card to collect lmao

I meant what I said about Toya’s love language being touching Yukito somewhere above the shoulders

“You’ll find out when the time comes” Dfddjhfjkdhf Toya what are you going to DO

Two cards in one episode is quite a bit for ep 3 I guess they’re trying to give her some more fighting options lol

Is the implication of the way Sakura just happens to be coming across magical phenomenon that Clow Reed didn’t make his cards but just harnessed magic that existed in nature

For no reason other than my own suspicion I think that something funky is going on with Syaoran’s powers

“That person was almost the same height as me” I mean so was Eriol

“Sakura and the Lovely Transfer Student” we know by now transfer students mean that shit’s about to get real

“And then you slept with your belly uncovered” “I did not!” Toya’s gentle bullying to distract Sakura is always weirdly sweet

“Your brother is so funny Sakura” CHIHARU’S RIGHT STAN TOYA

SHINOMOTO ARE YOU SHITTING ME JHDFGHDGDFDD WHY DOES IT RHYME

“I hope we can be friends” if I know anything about this show this means she’s going to do something very shady immediately

I wonder if this will be the season that Tomoyo’s filming of everything Sakura does finally becomes plot relevant

I do think it’s weird that Sakura trusted a new key without questioning it

“I’m changing back” LOL @ YUE TRANSFORMING INTO YUKITO JUST TO AVOID PEOPLE I’M STARTING TO REALLY LIKE HIM

DGSJGSJDGDJGSFFSJDHJS YUKITO APOLOGIZING FOR YUE LEAVING RUDELY THAT’S MY POLITE AND HANDSOME MAN WHO HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE

I KNEW Syaoran was being suspicious!!! Talking about Sakura with Eriol in secret phone calls

“I came here to be ready for that time, when it comes” current theory is that Syaoran has NO powers and that’s why he is not running out of his classroom for teenage battles with the Forces of Nature

“How much has Yukito-san been eating?” “Not as much as he did when you were in elementary school, but he still eats a lot for his size” This must be a strange conversation for their dad to listen to but I like how this is code for Does Yukito Have Magical Chakra Exhaustion

“Um, I just... Phone call” said Sakura, as she was forcibly moonwalked away right in front of her friends’ eyes

LOL is Tomoyo being unable to film Sakura going to be a recurring joke

“Don’t worry about it” “I have to, when it’s about you” Syaoran really going Full Boyfriend Mode huh

I’ve never questioned it in until precisely this moment but who pays Kero’s phone bill?? Is it Tomoyo? Who is the account holder for this stuffed animal did she establish Kero as a legal person

“Momo-chan, let’s be friends okay?” I feel like this has to be immediate foreshadowing for Momo being alive

[Cucumber cut incorrectly] “Gotta show Yuki” hjkfhksjdhfkjhd rude of Toya but the caption kills me

Ddjkhfkjdhfjkdhfkjh the pure juxtaposition of this energy:

Tomoyo: They have other things to do

Chiharu, thinking that it’s a romance thing: [Winks]

Syaoran and Sakura: [In the shadows while threatening music plays]

“I didn’t feel... anything” oh NO why r their magic senses NOT tingling

I feel like I have been had, they had an episode called the “Song of the Moon” and Yukito didn’t even show up?? Rude

SCREAM this magical FaceTime call is much funnier than I could’ve imagined

“Yukito is in a recitation club, which he takes very seriously” GDGJFGJGJHGDG Yue very respectful of not occupying Yukito’s time with magical shenanigans LMAO

“And we’ll make them the cutest oxygen masks you’ve ever seen” Tomoyo, like the background effects artists in this anime, will not be stopped

Well colour me inaccurate I guess Syaoran can use his powers and he can do a fancy new sword thing

I like this flying scarf it’s the first of the new cards with a personality

Poor Syaoran always so serious to being a Teenage Wizard is hard

Wow I bet there’s NOTHING weird about the fact Akiho lives in Eriol’s house it’s just pure happenstance (said no one)

“Could we um, go out together?” I think this is the first time someone has explicitly scheduled a date in all 80+ episodes

I really do enjoy Toya’s never-ending list of temp jobs lmao

“Still going on, huh?” Toya’s older brother senses are unparalleled

LMAO IS THIS A 15 YEAR OLD BUTLER

Ghgjhfjfjhfjh what is the scale for these heights why is Kaito twice the height of these 13-year-olds

Unsubtle shot of this man’s pocket watch echoing Sakura’s dream

I’ve never seen a more Rich Person Reaction than Akiho getting upset that Katio, a service worker, stated that taking care of her was his job hfkjdhfkjh

“I came to Japan because there was a book I wanted”

1. VERY Rich Person thing to say

2. Wow I wonder which of you has a MAGICAL BOOK that’s been doing weird things lately

“What language is it” “I don’t know, but I’ve learned to read it” me when I hear people speak South Asian languages LMAO

Why does everyone keep referencing the Time That’s Coming? Toya, Syaoran, Eriol... they’ve all caught Mizuki’s affliction of vague and unhelpful prophecies

*One more go to jail Mizuki for the road

I hope that these stupid FaceTime calls with Yue are in EVERY episode from now on

Does the fact that he’s listed as Yue-san in Sakura’s phone mean that there’s a phone for each personality omg

OMG I just realized the ep title (Sakura’s Thrilling Aquarium Visit) must be a throwback to “Sakura’s Heart-Racing First Date” which was not a date but took place at an aquarium. Cute!!

GJHGSHJGFSGH Yue is me whenever people talk about video games:

Kero: Hey, Yue, play an online game with me

Yue: [Hangs up immediately]

“I made you wait” “Nah, I got here too early. It’s still twelve minutes before our meeting time.” I think she and Yukito had this exact exchange in that early ep

“She doesn’t have magical powers, but she’s oddly perceptive” I hope that Meilin’s one and only magical power is precognition lmao

Omg every time someone in this show speaks English I am so thrown

“I wasn’t sure how I should look at him” awww Syaoran trying to re-establish himself in the family

I guess this aquarium HAS changed in that it developed a security system for when the tank breaks [youknowwhathatisgrowth.gif]

LOL I guess it’s convenient to have an invisibility cloak when ur breaking and entering I was wondering how they were going to deal with their criminal behaviour in the age of cameras

Ep 10. Sakura’s Unbelievable Juvenile Detention Centre

Weel weel weel looks like Sakura isn’t the only one with new powers nice ice Syaoran!! I missed their tag team fights

OH MY GOD IF THIS PHOTO ALBUM ACCEPTS THE CONTINUITY OF THE SECOND MOVIE THEN SAKURA AND SYAORAN HAVE ALREADY! DONE! THEIR! CONFESSIONS! WOULD YOU PICK A LANE

“You want the person you like to eat good food” Besides the fact Kaito is twice your height and therefore probably an adult... u should not make advances on people u employ - this is all very bad-vibes-no-jutsu

I am shocked that it took this long for Sakura to notice that her new cards paralleled the old cards

Syaoran is staring at Kaito like he murdered his spouse in a previous life

“So he has Moon magic too?” UHHHH WAS SYAORAN’S MAGIC ALWAYS MOON-BASED I FEEL LIKE THAT’S NOT CLEAR

Also very unclear why Eriol keeps leaving her on read if he’s talking to Syaoran what

I love how Kero has independent friendships and communications with both Yukito and Tomoyo lmao

How many times has Penguin Park been destroyed by now

“Perhaps your dream is gradually progressing” Progressing into what exactly the Battle of the Nice Thirteen-Year-Olds

Why is it that magic in this universe comes with above-average athletic ability LOL

Once again, without a body/personification, these cards seem harsh

Kaito seems like too much of a red herring a la Mizuki so I’m going to assume the other presence we see is someone we either haven’t met yet or smth really fucked up with the rest of the main cast

I’d lose my mind if it was Toya but I genuinely hope not he’s too nice

I honestly missed Meilin ever since she chilled out a bit she’s very fun

“The emoji in her message definitely looked thrilled” [Bob Dylan voice] For the times they are a-changin’.....

“I don’t know when it’ll happen, but when it does you’ll know” Toya.......

Toya’s absolutely nonplussed reaction to his Moon Boyfriend never ceases to amaze

Yukito: [Sighs and floats into the air to wrap in a wing cocoon]

Toya: [Sitting and staring unfazed]

Also am I crazy or was that transformation on purpose bc it really had the energy of ‘Fine if you won’t talk to me maybe you’ll talk to Rude Magical Me!!’

“Did I change again?” GUESS NOT LMAO

Also it’s fun how as different as Yukito and Yue are, their shared brain cell says ‘TOYA COMMUNICATE WITH MEE’

“But ever since Syaoran came back, he’s had something important on his mind” People don’t give Sakura enough credit for her emotional intelligence

Can we take a minute to appreciate Sakura’s outfit fashion ICON

What is this Furry card that makes u dress up in ears and a tail lmao

“I’ll treasure [these cookies]” “I’d rather you ate them” LOL

My Furry card prediction gets more and more accurate with each passing second (even a broken clock’s right twice a day)

Uhhhhh Syaoran what did u sell to the moon devil to be able to cut through the space-time continuum

Sakura: NO THAT’S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SYAORAN

SCREAM this family and their circle of hair cutting (also if Yukito cuts Toya’s hair, does Toya cut Yukito’s? Or does it not grow bc magic jfhkfh)

“I’m pretty sure that was middle school English” Sakura hearing English is me hearing French LMAO

“Sucks, doesn’t he?” MEILIN PLS

Djhfjkdhkjfhjk Tomoyo’s immediate rage at being the centre of attention

SAKURA DOING MAGIC RIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE OMG

“Surround the entire mansion” Very subtle Sakura I’m sure no one in your whole town will notice

“I hear her father specializes in archaeology, so he might have some interesting books” “Have I mentioned Sakura-san’s father to you before?” [Dramatic cut in music] WELL

Oh my GOD did Kaito just turn back time bc he regretted what he said immediately? Honestly a mood

Also: BITCH

“You’re so alike, and not just because of your names” I have to say I’ve been thinking since her first appearance that Akiho looks like Nadeshiko so if they’re not related I will be surprised

“Sometimes watching good people makes me feel sad” well damn Meilin

I’m going to guess this Teenage Robot is the equivalent of the fight card that Meilin fought upon her introduction

Aw HELL YEAH SAKURA AND MEILIN TAG TEAM FIGHT WOOOO

“Aren’t you and Syaoran doing too much for those you care about, and forgetting to care about yourselves?” WELL DAMN MEILIN U R THE NEW TEENAGE SUPERHERO THERAPIST

“Can I call you ‘Sakura’ from now on, too?” AHHH THESE KIDS

LMAO AMAZING IT TOOK 13 STRAIGHT EPISODES FOR MOMO TO EVEN TWITCH

“We are indeed progressing... toward that time” I feel THREATENED

Once again I cannot stress strongly enough how much I love physical comedy

Sakura: They don’t seem to be causing any harm

The dessert rolls:

GOD the roll cakes eating each other to form one giant monster Babushka doll roll cake jhfjkdhgkdjhgkj incredible

EXCUSE ME MA’AM WHY WAS THERE A DEMON GIRL IN THE REFLECTION OF THIS SHATTERED CARD

“Please laugh again” Akiho is v nice I really hope Kaito isn’t mean

“Once a magical contract is formed, it can’t be broken, unless something really serious happens” [Quirrel voice] Can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is?

“What do you feel” “I think it’s a card” Very observant Sakura I think they gathered that

When Sakura gets all four of the base elements is Momo going to turn into a 200 pound giant rabbit

I like that every time Toya is concerned about Sakura, Yue appears suddenly to discuss the matter seriously with him [Gay and Wondorous Life of Caleb Gallo voice] He’s in this relationship!!

“When you’re angry or upset, it shows on your face, even if you don’t say it” Yue IS in this relationship woooow

“When humans realize they’re talking to a fox, they won’t sell you mittens. In fact, they’ll catch you and put you in a cage.” UH who is the fox in this metaphor not Sakura I hope???

Years later Syaoran is still winded if Sakura makes too much eye contact khgkghkjg

The fact that Yukito reads at a children’s hospital... truly one of The Nicest Not-Humans On Earth

Well with each passing episode we have less and less reasons to trust these cards and Kaito the Young Magical Butler

Ever since Kaito reversed time, I cannot shake the persistent thought that Akiho IS Nadeshiko. That’d be weird but u know... I’ve seen this show do weirder

“Your sweets look better” “No, yours!” Grandpa witnessing this date

“Also if Sakura-chan goes to college or wants to do something else, he wants to help” TOYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Any further, and you won’t be able to return” NADESHIKO BE MORE SPECIFIC

“It was my robe” Wait what ur family is a magical society or smth and somehow u don’t know Akiho??? How in the whomst

Everyone in this anime is like, ‘Haha Yue looks mad’ as if Yue does not look mad every second that he’s alive

KHKJHKFJHKJFHJ GRANDPA MASAKI REALLY GONNA GIVE SAKURA A HOUSE AND TOYA NOTHING LMAO WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE THE LEAST FAVOURITE GREAT-GRANDCHILD LOL

“Nadeshiko would talk to things that weren’t there, and try to reach an understanding with things that couldn’t talk” 91 EPISODES LATER AND MR. KINOMOTO FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGES MAGIC?? OKAY

AND HE KNEW BOTH SAKURA AND TOYA HAVE HAD MAGICAL PROBLEMS FOR 3 YEARS!!! MR. KINOMOTO WHAT KIND OF HANDS-OFF PARENTING

“I want me to tell me [about your pain] too” wow this is the CALL-OUT EPISODE

“The house they live in was once torn down and replaced with an amusement park” were the continuity errors of accepting the second movie... A PLOT POINT?!?!?!

DAMN U KAITO I REALLY WANTED THINGS TO BE OKAY FOR AKIHO

“But I’ve got a great poker face” “Yes you do. But Yue does not” JKHDKJGHKJSHGKJHDKJGHSDJGHKJH BY DIALOGUE ALONE IT’S LIKE WHENEVER ANYONE SEES YUE’S FACE TWITCH IT MEANS HE’S HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN

Yue: Evil magic looming overhead is bad for your wifi signal actually

“I will obtain these new cards. So I can use the relic I took from the association to activate that magic spell” Kaito really laying out his motivations out loud in a library. Insensible. Vague and probably misleading. 1/10 villainous monologue

Sakura’s powers are WILD she can duplicate the strength of her magic

“Power that’s too strong will bring unhappiness to its owner” SYAORAN :((

I feel like the only way this can end is Toya giving Sakura magical noogie so she doesn’t have to carry all of her powers like the reverse of what he did for Yue-kito

THERE IS TOO LITTLE TIME LEFT IN THIS SHOW FOR ALL THE ANSWERS I NEED THERE’S ONLY 20 MINUTES AHHHH

THERE ARE 12 MINUTES LEFT AND STILL NO ANSWERS!!! WHAT HAPPENSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I GOT ABSOLUTELY NO ANSWERS OH MY GOD?!?!?!?!

#ayesha talks anime #ayesha liveblog ccs #liveblogging #long post

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art-thropologist · 4 years

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Portfolio of Recovery Part 3

If you’ve been following my entries, you’ll know that I recently had to go through some medical treatment. I am at a point now where I am willing to share some of the products of the art therapy that went along with that process. With each piece I’ll explain the prompt or the intention behind it and how I interpret the visual cues.

Please note that I will be talking about eating disorder behaviors, body image, and trauma. I use vague terms, but if these are triggering topics, then do not read. If you are in need of help with an ED, NEDA can get you support.

“Living Room Table” (2020). Poster-board, string, sequins, ripped magazine, yarn, tissue paper, glue, and oil pastel. Prompted.

“What is creativity?”

I usually take a while to wrap my head around prompts. But this one I went ‘I got this’ with zero hesitation. At the house I grew up in we had a low wood table in the living room. It was where we had to do any and all crafts in the house because that was a way to contain the chaos that was my sister and I. We left our marks on that table: glitter, yarn, burn marks. This is that table. This is where creativity happened.

“Untitled” (2020). Ripped magazine, glue, on canvas board. Prompted.

“Make a rip collage.”

I decided to try a different type of collage by weaving the pieces together. I think it worked.

“Shell study” (2019). Watercolor and crayon on paper. Prompted.

“Choose an object from the basket and create something from being mindful of your interaction with it.”

I chose a shell and spent 40 minutes trying to recreate the coloring on the inner lip.

“Strong Enough” (2019). Colored pencil on paper. Unprompted.

I was told by the art therapist that I should try experimenting outside of my usual style (Which you can see the first sketches of still). So I tried a more figural style. The title references the lyrics from “Eight” by Sleeping At Last; I was just a kid who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up and suddenly it fit. It resonated with me because that was what my childhood felt like. I tried to represent that with the figures surrounding the hollow form that is me in the present. Like the Timeline, the colors correspond to emotional stages. Blue is hopeful as an open sky, elementary school. Grey seeped into my chest as I start building up armor to protect myself from that hurt. Green is middle school when I started using clothing to make myself pretty. I thought that if I was pretty then the bullying and torment would stop. Given that this figure is crying, clearly that wasn’t the case. Red is anger, and I used lacrosse as a way to make myself more intimidating, tell of a target, less vulnerable. But I wasn’t confident at all, that’s why the posture is closed off, hesitant. Finally is the stage where my ED was in full control. It was the armor I was conditioned into believing would help, would make me perfect, better. But it was just protecting the trauma, not healing it.

I’m all in, arms out. I’m at your mercy now and I’m ready to begin. Show me how to lay my soul down long enough to let you IN. is another (misquoted) lyric from “Eight” and is representative of the present moment. I am deconstructing all the armors I’ve put on and get better.

“Promises” & “Reality” (2020). Oil pastel on canvas board. Prompted.

“What did your ED promise you and What did it actually give you?”

I was that girl in health class that thought ‘That would never be me’ when it came to an eating disorder. Well...I was wrong. Ana (what I call my ED) is deceptively kind. She lures you in with promises of control and exceptionalism. ‘If you can control your hunger then you are better than other people’ and other promises just like it. I thought if I was thinner that I would be prettier and it would be easier to like myself. Ana promised a brighter future, she promised fulfillment.

Ana lies. I became a ghost of myself. Frail. Weak. Breaking down. The white figure is my own body collapsing; arms thrown forward in submission, hair covering my face. I had nothing more to give other than tears and sadness. i was still alone. I was still hurting. On top of the emotional distress was physical distress. My body was, essentially, eating itself to survive. I had headaches that lasted for days, dizzy spells that left me on the floor (see the radiating red halo), a body that had one foot in the grave (which I represent with the brown-black background).

“Shattered Glass” (2020). Tissue paper, oil pastel, and pencil on paper. Unprompted.

I often feel like I’m nothing but pieces of jagged glass. Broken. Sharp edges. There is still color and beauty in that. It’s how we make stained glass and mosaics after all. But I also carry a lot of hurt and trauma to get that way. I went with the obvious Atlas metaphor. Braids being pulled. Tears. People constantly watching. People constantly leaving, again and again. Being shunned for things out of my control. Struggles with faith. Bearing the name ‘Bitter Little Bird’. I’m learning how to lay those burdens to rest. It is a process.

“Outline Self Portrait” (2020). Colored pencil on paper. Prompted.

We were given the outline of a person and told to fill it in how we wanted about body image.

The colors are familiar by now. Purple for justice and hope. Orange for creativity. Red for anger. Blue and Green for growth. My head is always a mess of all these feelings, that’s why it looks like that. the stronger lines indicate where I feel the emotions. It’s usually a tightness or an ache.

I remember being that kid - who was small. Who wanted to run before I could crawl. That changed with the start of an education in Shame. It started with my name. I was always caught between being seen and hiding Away. Maybe it was just easier to be nothing than to be something wrong. I was just a kid who had to wear this Armor too long. So I kept these shattered pieces inside a thick skin. It can tear me up inside but, no, I wont let you In. I’ll keep these bits of broken Hopes Inside of this chaotic body. I’ll rage inside my Skull if this is the way to cope. I sill sing the songs when I am ready to be. And shine myself not for you to see. This Lux Aurora in lead lines.

“Untitled 1″ (2020). Colored pencil and pencil on paper. Unprompted.

I tried to reduce myself down to schematic pieces. Red lines to convey gestural forms, blue ribs. This was me when Ana was in control. I was blind. I was hollow. I was barely able to feel my heart beat. Most of all, I was exposed.

I added the lyrics of Words Fail from Dear Evan Hansen because they felt like they fit. “'Cause if I just believe/ Then I don't have to see what's really there/ Yes, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts/ Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am/ Because then no one gets to look at it/ And I don't have to look at it”

“Untitled 2″ (2020). Colored pencil and pencil on paper. Unprompted.

The pieces are a diptych. This side is recovery. The stance is open, embracing. But the back is turned; rejecting Ana. I used the same colors but attributed them to new facets. Instead of being blind I am now covered. My hair is growing again. The fundamental building blocks are still there, but I am no longer standing rigidly. I wanted to mirror Rebecca Belmore’s sister.

The poem “Ascending” is my own creation. “With arms outstretched/ Wide like wings, like a martyr/ I will fly beyond the confines of/ my Nature./ I can touch eternity with my fingertips”

Part 4 coming soon

#art-thropologist #a portfolio of recovery #art #my art #tw ed mention

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italianstoryteller · 4 years

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“How Did You Not Know?”

Recently, I had the pleasure of reading a fellow schoolmate’s story about coming out. I read about their struggles, their hardships, and their acceptance of who they are. I have touched on this subject myself with close friends, but never to great extent. I feel this is something I need the universe to hear, but I didn’t know where else to turn. Thus, I created this account to tell my stories as they are, or as they were, or as they will be.

In July 2019, only a few weeks before my 19th birthday, I came out as gay to my mother. She was very accepting, but there’s more to her story, put a pin on that. Over the following weeks, I slowly started coming out to my friends however I felt fit. Whether it be walking down the street with my best friend, dropping it nonchalantly in a group setting, or simply making an Instagram post that would lead people to asking me so I could come out like that.

What followed has been one of the most difficult repeating question that I have ever had to explain my way through: “How did you not know you were gay?” Many factors went into my “confusion” if you want to call it that, but we need to start way back in my roots to truly understand how I didn’t know.

In elementary school, around the age of 7 or 8, I knew pretty quickly that I did not like boys on a whole. I thought they were annoying, immature, stupid, and just overall not good people, so I spent all of my time around girls. It wasn’t until I was 9 or 10 that I actually had a male identifying friend. I would get teased a lot for only playing with girls and whatnot but I never thought anything of it. I would play make believe with the girls and boys would call me gay without calling me gay if that makes sense. I never had the word “gay” used as an insult on me before, and I really didn’t think much of it. Partly because I didn’t understand how the word “gay” WAS an insult (that and f*gg*t, which as an adult I finally understand how disgusting that word truly is, but that’s besides the point).

That’s basically how my life operated for many years. I was never like other boys. I was much more invested in the arts, and I hated sports with a passion. Around 8th grade, my parents started asking me “are you sure you’re not gay?” This was, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the worst things my parents could have done. Now, don’t get me wrong, my parents are the most supportive parents a kid could ask for. They are total progressives, they love looking to the future, and they have been LGBT+ allies since before I came out. However, in that prime age of 12-14, my parents practically urging me to come out as gay meant I wanted to defy them and prove to them I wasn’t.

Enter high school. I was still on that prime “boys suck” mindset which was actually another major factor in my confusion of sexuality. I thought to myself that I didn’t want to be around boys, which meant that I wanted to be around girls for the rest of my life, which must mean that I want a wife. At the time, it seemed like simple logic. When I was 15, I started becoming really good friends with one of my female classmates and thought to myself “I’d love to spend the rest of my life with her”. So, age 16, I asked her to be my girlfriend. At the time, it seemed like a great relationship, but looking back, it was horribly flawed. She and I entered the relationship under the pretenses that we were “friends first, dating second”, because we believed that our friendship was worth more than an extra title that society was going to put on us. However, that meant we really continued on just as friends during the entire relationship. We graduated high school and began a long-distance relationship freshman year of college. Being away from her helped me finally understand what it meant to be sexually attracted to someone. When I was with her, I only had eyes for her. But once I stopped seeing her for 6-10 hours a day every single day, I realized what it was that I actually wanted. Our relationship did not do well as it was long-distance, and it came at a perfect time for us to end things mutually. May 2019, we broke things off, and less than two months later, I came out.

Society has this whole stigma of “hetero is the norm” and in a society like that, how can we expect people to truly know who they are? When your family and friends always say how cute you are when around another girl, you eventually just roll with the punches because that is all you CAN do. When I did come out, like I said at the beginning, my mother was incredibly supportive of me. My father needed a little bit of time to “wrap it around his head”, but within probably two days he was fully on my side. The thing that sucked the most was that because I came out at such a “late age” and following a nearly three-year hetero-relationship, I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I didn’t come out sooner, that I had this “fake version of myself” that I was parading around because I just truly didn’t understand myself and what I wanted.

After I came out, I received bullying in the most twisted way imaginable for a gay boy. And the bullying was the question this is all prompted on: “how did you not know you were gay?” Apparently to other people, it was very obvious that I was gay. It was clear that I was putting on a show. People genuinely found it comical that I came out so late and after such a long hetero-relationship. I get some snide comments from my friends of like “hey look, penis, you like that, right?” which I’m sure is all in good fun, but it comes to this unnecessary beating of the dead horse that yes; I’m gay. There doesn’t need to be more discussion on the matter. It’s not even a discussion, it’s just a statement.

At the end of the day, here’s the thing: we all grow up in a heterosexual-driven society, where being homosexual just isn’t normal. In a world where I have to please my grandparents talking about all the cute girls from school, where it was genuinely an annual tradition to go through my school yearbook so my family could circle all the cute girls they think I should date. A world where we played a game about which celebrity crushes you would like to date, and me saying anything besides pretty actresses would be considered weird. A world where once it’s known that I am who I am, that belittlement and mockery will ensue. People always ask me “how did I not know”; well now you know.

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masterthespianduchovny · 6 years

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The Identity Politics of Snape

Years ago, I read an opinion that part of Snape hate is because he was largely believed to be a pure blood for years. Although we all know by now that this isn’t the case, I firmly because that, despite his half blood identity, people still subconsciously view Snape as a pureblood.

Now, many can and will deny it, but if we knew that Snape was halfblooded from the start, would we still be talking about how he’s a wizarding nazi? Would we still loathe him because of the decision he made as a teen?

I get it, he’s a teen, he should know better than that, right?

But, it’s more complicated than someone needing to know better. People often forget how casually racist the wizarding community was on the ‘GOOD’ side. For comparison, in the USA it’s like the North v the South. Yea, at a point in time, the South was straight up blatantly racist (and, in some parts, they still are), but they North is racist in a not-in-your-face type of way. And, at times, they can be more racist than the South. They may be “kinder” about it, but it’s still there.

So, when it comes to the wizarding world, we’re simply condemning Snape for siding with the blatantly racist side opposed to the casually racist people. Hell, it’s like the U.S. TODAY. It’s wrong to say you hate minorities, but it’s okay to make stereotypical statements to be prejudicial against them.

I’m simply framing context here because this race conversation in the HP fandom is so basic and elementary that it’s laughable. Seriously.

How so?

For many years, the muggle prejudice has been compared to the U.S. brand of racism, which is an important distinction (and nazism). As an American black person, that comparison isn’t one to take lightly or casually overlook that significance of said comparison all to shit on a character other dislike because it’s cool and trendy. That’s a serious and multilayered comparison due to the complexities and long lasting effects of racism in America beginning with slavery.

For those who don’t understand what being biracial means in America, which many do not, it’s an ugly double edged sword. Some white people will treat you better because you have white blood, but you’re still a nigger. Others will treat you like shit because you have “nigger blood.” That’s why the phrase “nigger lover” exists--proximity to blackness or the defense of it is unacceptable to some; being partially black or full white is irrelevant is you look black or you’re okay with blackness.

To argue that since Snape is biracial he gets the full benefits of his wizarding side is fallacious, especially when comparing it to American racism. Actual biracial people have flat out said the white side of their family either treated them differently due to their blackness, including their parents, and/or said racist shit to them about black people. Some of these biracial people internalized those hateful beliefs because they didn’t have anything to counter it OR the white part of their family was more influential.

Furthermore, prejudice like this especially wins out when the SOCIETY and CULTURE you live in is racist as well. Snape developed his prejudicial beliefs before he came to Hogwarts*, but the racism in his society already existed before he got there and that was even from the “good” side. It also wins out when it’s unchecked. Bullying Snape isn’t checking racism--confronting his beliefs does.

Some will argue, “Well, being half blood isn’t like being biracial--they don’t know he’s a half blood” and this is where I say, “you’re wrong.”

Chicago is a big city--like the third largest in the U.S (I’m not 100% sure). But, it’s pretty freaking huge. Those who have lived there for decades can tell you stories about their community and the history of the city. My brother told me the story about two competing grocery stores with similar names. My mother had stories--hell, my aunts and uncles too--about people from their neighborhood who went on to be famous. The details that they know and the intricate story that they can tell about a city full of millions of people is fascinating.

The wizarding community is small--dangerously small--the idea that Snape could pretend to be a pure blood is ridiculous in a society that cares about blood purity. You think he can just say his mom is Eileen Prince and not reveal his father? You think they won’t ask about his last name and have small talk about this kid Severus Snape with the mysterious wizarding father?

Do you all honestly believe that?

Many of you probably do and that’s because you all don’t understand racism, despite trying to use this against Snape as to why you hate him and why he’s evil.

Do you know how many racist people have black spouses and black children and fuck black people, but fucking LOATHE black people? You’d be surprised. There is a severe cognitive dissonance going on with them. Hell, some fucking Neo nazi literally befriended a black man in prison and trusted him to tell his life story, then some grand wizard or some shit SIGNED a fucking KKK chapter over to said black man RECENTLY. I mean within the last year or so.

But, they’re RACIST!

Right???

Racism is illogical, so racists behave illogically.

Voldemort is a freaking HALF BLOOD and these pure blood wizards are following and worshipping him. Voldemort literally tried to recruit Lily--a FUCKING muggle into his cause. LMFAO.

Where is this going?

Wannabe DE’s befriended Snape because he was a half blood, but also, that doesn’t mean he was fully accepted. It means that he shared their beliefs to an extent, but he was also half them, so they were okay with that.

But, on Snape’s end, being a “minority” or “biracial” is a lifetime of navigating identity and the politics behind it. And people forget that he’s half muggle just because he was accepted. They could’ve easily turned on him in a heartbeat without a second thought. They had no issues with full bloods being killed--hell, even family--but, y’all think that somehow Snape is exempt because he was a half blood???

Snape had to live with those niggas--he literally only had himself, but we expect him to make a noble decision at 15, despite almost everyone else making selfish and fucked up decisions at his age.

People conveniently gloss over that Snape was literally fighting for his fucking life as Lily fought against an abstract threat while at Hogswarts. Lily never got bullied--”But, other muggles did.” AGAIN: Lily never got bullied OR threatened. Snape was bullied, sexually assaulted, and almost fucking killed all while being threatened into silence. You expect him to put her life over his? Seriously?

What makes this dynamic even worse is that James literally has no place telling Snape anything about race or identity and that’s on that. Especially when James is one of his bullies. Neither does Sirius or Remus. None of them motherfuckers have any right or moral ground to say shit to Snape when they could’ve easily spoke to Snape opposed to bullying him or standing by as it happened.

*Snape’s prejudice against Muggles was born from the hatred of his father, a muggle, who he was powerless against. This isn’t to excuse his behavior, but contextualize it. Abuse victims want to feel powerful (read: in control of their life). Magic gave him that power. When being in the wizarding world, he learned that having magic wasn’t enough so he sided with a group that “supported” him and would give him power. Even though people will argue that this is head canon, the text supports this better than Rowling say post books Snape joined to impress Lily. Snape was already on the path to joining unless he’d be always trying to impress Lily.

Furthermore, I’d argue that Snape’s prejudice was more complicated than “hating muggles.”

His prejudice was largely tied to hating his dad and the fight for power. Besides rumors, which it’s called rumors for a reason, there is no definitive proof that Snape actually hated muggles. If Snape was this flat out “racist” person, he would’ve been open about that. “But, but....Lily.”

Again, y'all don’t understand the nuances of racism. There was a viral story about how this white man was in a full blown relationship with a black woman and went on a racist tirade about black people TO HER. Then, in her face he said that she was “different.” Straight up racist people do not hide that they are racist. They make exceptions for the minorities who are “different” from the group that they hate. The idea that Snape would put on this whole charade to make Lily believe he isn’t racist is hilarious.

“But, he called her a mud blood!”

Yes, he did. Snape was complicated and had complicated and confusing feelings as a child/teen. BUT, someone who is a full blown racist doesn’t do what Snape did. Snape had prejudicial beliefs, but he, like his beliefs, were more complicated than simply hating muggles because he was half muggle himself and his relationship with muggles weren’t clear cut either.

We’re also assigning power to Snape that he didn’t and never had.

Think about the power Omarosa had in the White House and look had easily that was taken away. For minorities, power can be taken away with a snap of a finger. Look a Brett Kavanaugh...despite his bad behavior (in school and during the hearing), he was given a lifetime position with great power as SCOTUS. That should tell you all you need to know about power.

Must we forget that many of those Death Eaters didn’t even trust Snape and he was only protected because Voldemort slightly trusted him???

Also, people’s insistence to call Snape a racist as an adult is utterly ridiculous, especially when they say James and Sirius were reformed bullies. James “magically” changed over a year, but a man who spent 18 years undercover and checking a fucking picture about using mudblood is STILL a fucking “racist?”

FrFr?

I know people like to argue that he was playing both sides to see who won, but that literally doesn’t make any sense.

Like, AT ALL.

Why?

Because, he had the whole thing in the bag with old VOLDIE. Because of Snape’s love for Lily (however you read that), HE was the reason the war went on as long as it did. If Snape kept his mouth shut, “Happy Voldemort Day!”

If Snape had a change of heart AT ANY POINT DURING THE SERIES, “HAPPY VOLDEMORT DAY!”

I don’t think his detractors understand how pivotal Snape was in Harry’s success--all of the way to the end. Even to Snape’s dying breath he was important to Harry defeating Voldemort.

But, he was playing both sides to see who won???

Lastly: Snape was also coded as jewish.

In Snape, Rowling has created a angry villain who has a hooked nose, greasy dark hair, sallow skin and glittering dark eyes, an inscrutable, sneering, untrustworthy double agent – who hisses.

https://sabbathmeals.typepad.com/sabbath_meals/2005/08/i_am_going_to_t.html

People have also touches on Snape’s hygiene, his lineage stemming from his mother side, and many other things people are more familiar can touch on.

The fact that he can be read and coded as marginalized and demonized groups is incredibly telling considering how demonized HE is. Snape is also very queer coded as well.

Others can go into more length about these other two identities since they aren’t my own, but it’s fascinated that someone coded in such a way is the most demonized and polarizing character--more so than the actual villain.

I wonder if it’s representative of people who take offense to complex minority characters with complex goals who aren’t pure and good, but only serves to prop up others. White are the characters who are white can make morally grey or reprehensible decisions and behaviors be excuses, but Scape’s behavior cannot be contextualized even though it isn’t justified. People will bring up bullying, which is a valid issue, but they often steer into Fanon interpretations, which are often fabrications based on nothing and feel justified in their hate.

I wonder if these are the same people who defend Liam Neeson’s behavior from the past, yet condemn a fictional character in the same breath?

Gosh, this isn’t touching on how fucking poor Snape is.

@halfbakedsnape

#Severus snape #pro snape #snapedom #snape

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #255

“who gives a fuck if they hate you; you’re the god that they pray to.”

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed? It would suck. What was the last song you listened to that made you cry? I didn't like, sob, but "Another Life" by Motionless In White does it. Your ex REALLY needs you at 3am and you have a way to their house would you go? Well, I can't with Sara considering she lives two hours away, and that's by plane. If she lived here, duh. For Girt or Jason, yes. Without saying any names what is one thing that you would like to say to someone(s)? I'm sorry. Would your parents get mad if you got drunk while they were present? No. Would you date someone who lived in another state? Eh, maybe. I don't know if I want to do long-distance again. I mean I probably would, but idk. Are you friends with your ex? Sara and Girt, yes. Who is the person you last texted? Sara. When’s the last time you told people you were fine, but really weren’t? I dunno, I honestly don't lie about that often. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Months back when I found out the shit my therapist said about me and disability. Not only did I want to knock her jaw off, but I sobbed for like, a long-ass time. Who did you spend your summer with last year? Just Mom, really. ... Or wait, maybe that was the summer Sara was here??? My memory is such shit, idk if that was last year or the one before. What’s bothering you right now? Stress about dropping out. Have you lost friends in the past year? I don't think so, at least. Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out? We did date. If the person you’re dating said they were falling in love with you, what would you do? I'm not dating anyone. Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Sara. Do you have a secret life? RP stays a pretty big secret. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yes. Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No. What are you watching? Nothing rn, surprisingly. I'm listening to music. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yeah. There’s a serial killer in your house, what do you do? Jump out the window. If the last person you kissed went back to their first love, what would you do? I think I am hers. Do you own any bug spray? No, not currently. We need some damn wasp killer. Every spring/summer, they build a nest literally right above our back door. Are you a good gift giver? Honestly think I'm really good at it. I always try to put a load of thought into it. What's the longest trip you’ve ever been on? The drives to either NY or Florida. I can't remember which is further. Are you a daughter or son-in-law? No. Do you know anyone in the military? Multiple people. Do you like your significant other's siblings? N/A Have you ever received a singing birthday card? Yeah. Those always suck when you open them and boom, loud singing to an obnoxious song. Do you own anything made by APPLE? My iPod. Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? Yeah, that was a semi-frequent dinner as a kid. I never liked it that much, though. What was your first car's color? N/A Do you have a best friend? Ye. Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? I do. Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? No, considering I don't know enough about any and their policies. Can you french braid? No. Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? I was as a tiny kid. I met my first best friend that way. What's your least favorite color? I'm just gonna use the very basic colors: yellow or green. Do you know anyone in jail? Not currently. Do you have kids? Ew. What's the strangest name you’ve ever heard? Apples. Yes. I'm serious. How old were you when you learned to walk? Idk. Do you own anything made of lace? Yeah. What's your favorite football team? Idc. What kind of bubble gum do you chew? Just about any. Fruity is my favorite. Do you wear a one-piece bathing suit or two-piece, a speedo or trunks? NOBODY needs to see me in a two-piece. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. Do you support a charity? Well of course. I used to give coins to those super-old charity things for sick kids back in the day, but I can't remember the exact charity it was. I also donated hair to Children With Hair Loss a couple years back. I haven't donated to any other that I know of bc no personal income and I don't ask my parents for money really, but boy have I wanted to. I always use that Facebook feature where you pick a charity to share and ask for donations for your birthday, though; I've done the Trevor Project and one for pancreatic cancer in honor of my grandmother. I don't remember the others. Do you pop your knuckles? EW no please don't in my presence @ Sara. Do you scrapbook? No. I just don't have the creative drive and dedication to. If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? A much brighter blue. Have you ever had braces? For a long-ass time because we couldn't afford to take them off. One tooth is pushed too far back because of it. Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? No. I want to live in the woods where *that's* my yard. When were you the saddest in your whole life? 2016 OH WOWIE WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen a ghost? I definitely believe I have. Are you a virgin? No. How many books do you read a month? I like, just started reading again, so I can't say. Can you type fast? Very. In school were you bullied? I'm extremely thankful I wasn't. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I love it. Do you own a boat? Not me myself, no. Dad does. What about a camper? No. Do you read the newspaper? No. Are you on any teams? Team Mystic in Pokemon Go *waggles fist @ criticism* If you died today where do you think you’d go? Idk. Who really knows what happens when you die. I hope it's some serene existence, but, *shrugs*. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Ummmm I don't think so. Who is the first contact in your cell phone? Best friend! :') What color are you bed sheets? The one I'm using now is light blue. Do you use online dating? I cannot FUCKING believe I was briefly on Christian Mingle I would actually rather die- How often are you sick? Extremely rarely. Did/Do you miss a lot of school? Eh. I had my mental health days and had to leave early a lot. Do you like scented candles? Yeah man. When was the last time you were told you were pretty/beautiful/gorgeous? When I recently changed my FB picture after forever. Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with? No. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Roman being silly. If someone were to ask you out right now would you say yes? I don't know. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yeah. Name four things you want right now: My fucking tattoo updated laksjdlflw, a healthy goddamn weight, my laptop, and a tarantula omg. Do you prefer to hold or be held? I mean, it depends on who we're talking about. I guess generally held? Are you currently wanting any piercings? You have no idea. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. What was the last thing that made you feel like your life was complete? lol I've never felt that. You ever slept on the floor with someone you liked? Yeah. Do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school? Off the very top of my head, no. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? One of my favorite pictures of Teddy, because I adore and miss him. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? Plaid. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I mean, not especially. They're crowded and it's a bad association anyway since it was the last time I hung out with Jason. The cake is indeed the best part, lmao. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? American. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? Red, yellow, and blue. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Very rarely. I'm not all that tall. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Carpet. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? No. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? As someone who is bipolar, very much so, yes. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I was fine. Do you like those "end of the world," "Armageddon" movies? Not especially. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? No. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, by far. Strawberries and broccoli. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: This is not intentional or meant to be discriminatory of those with 'em, but penises literally repulse me visually. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Yeah, even though I'm scared. I think I say "hi" or "hey" most. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? Extremely heteronormative. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? HA no. I'm an anxious mess that is not fast or nimble in any way. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I like the reddish/yellowish ones. Do you live anywhere near a mall? Maybe like, 15-20 mins away. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? My mom. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? NO. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? Honey ham. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pencil, by far. You can erase. Scibbling stuff out looks messy. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I am NOT kidding: one of the motivating factors of me going back to public school after 8th grade was the idea of making new friends and maybe making a band to be the guitarist lmfao. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? I have multiple for different reasons, but #1's gotta be Mark, man. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was a really friendly kiddo. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? I don't think so. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? Idk who that would be. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? I don't believe we have. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Jesus fuck, I wouldn't wish having an infected cyst drained without NEARLY enough numbing medication on the goddamn devil. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Yeah. I like the chocolate sundae one most. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? MMMMMMMMMMM cool ranch. Usually soda with chips. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Ozzy. *shrugs* I like my online nickname and the "y" added sounds kinda affectionate ig. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? I don’t plan my outfits. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? No. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2017. SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND HEALING!!!!!!! Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No.

#survey #quiz #questions #personal

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considergoldenkamuy · 5 years

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calloused hands

i tried to make this good bc i love my son but it isn’t as serious or impactful as i would have liked. also, we’re pretending he came back to japan halfway through high school

BORDERLINE SEXUAL HARASSMENT, SHORT DESCRIPTION OF SEVERE BULLYING - READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

"Good morning, Genzo-kun." The man offered the elementary schooler a grin, who nodded in return. "What brings you here this early in the morning?"

"Oh. I just wanted to get some green tea since we're out at home."

"You're in luck, we just got a new shipment." The man smiled, before standing up. But just as he was about to go to the door, a girl around Genzo's age walks in, holding a heavy-looking crate with bottles inside. "Ah! I told you that you didn't have to get it."

"But you're tired!" She frowns at her father, and Genzo suddenly can't move.

She's really cute, with nice brown hair, tied up by an orange elastic with a cherry blossom charm, warm chestnut eyes, pale skin, and a kind face. She's wearing a tee shirt, but it's smudged with dirt, and a pair of shorts. The girl looks oddly masculine, but he feels his heart stop.

"You're just on time, actually. Could you give one to the boy over there?"

When she notices him, Genzo's shoulders raise, a little pink tinting his ears when she beams at him.

"Hello!" The girl walks over to him and offers him the box. "Here, pick one! They just got here so it doesn't really matter which."

"O-Oh..." He stammers awkwardly, not having expected her to be so forward. The boy takes one carefully. "Thanks."

"Sure!” She sniggers, introducing herself before asking for his name.

"Wakabayashi Genzo. I live next door."

"That's weird, I've never seen you before." She frowns, but smiles again. "Okay! Nice to meet you! I have to put these away now, bye!"

He stares after her in confusion and bewilderment, making her father laugh.

"Don't try anything weird, okay?"

"W-What?"

"Nothing, nothing." The man chuckles as he goes back to the counter. "Take it, it's on the house."

"Oh - thank you!" He smiles, waving as he leaves and runs back home. The store owner is still grinning a little.

"Looks like our daughter's already got an admirer, honey." He hums, glancing at the portrait of a woman next to the cash register. The man smiles nostalgically. "Looks like he's a good one."

"Ah, Wakabayashi-san!"

Genzo almost flinches at the sound of her voice, the entire team turning toward the voice.

"She's pretty..." Someone murmurs but he doesn't have the time to snap at them. A familiar girl comes into view, stopping her bike and taking the large bag from the back onto her shoulder, looking like it weighed nothing at all.

Genzo says her name as a greeting with a friendly smile. "Did you come all the way here just to deliver?"

"Of course I did, no one at your house ever comes to the door." She huffs lightly before seeing everyone else. "Oh - I'm sorry, did I interrupt practice?"

"No, it's fine!" Tsubasa chips in. "We just finished a practice match."

"Good." She looks relieved as the girl quickly makes her way down the small incline over to Genzo. "Should I put them by your bag?"

"Oh - no, it's fine. I'll take them."

The boys watch with curiosity as the girl takes a small box from the bag and hands it to him.

"I'm glad I ran into you, otherwise you'd have to pick it up tomorrow - see you later!"

"Bye!" He waves after her and she grins, waving back before she's at her bike again and off in the distance.

"Who was she?" Kojiro asks, raising a brow.

"Oh. She and her father run a small store next door to my place."

"You've got a girl that cute living right next to you?!" Ishizaki exclaimed.

"Er..." Genzo's expression turns awkward, not really sure how to respond. "Yes...?"

They refuse to leave him alone after that.

"Wakabayashi-san!"

"You're here too?!"

They stare at each other in surprise. They're in the same high school homeroom.

"Eh?! You know Genzo-kun?!"

"Mhm, but I haven't seen him in a while."

"You gotta to introduce us some time, he's super cute!"

The girl shifts awkwardly as the girls in her class interrogate her.

"There you are."

Her expression brightens, hearing a familiar voice. She's saved. Her classmates look moonstruck and shocked when the Wakabayashi Genzo, the school's male idol, walks over to her with a casual air. He's smiling.

"Wakabayashi-san." The girl greets him warmly, standing.

"Come on, I promised you that you could watch practice when I got back." He notices the other girls staring at him. "Can I help you?"

"O-Oh, uhm," they all start stammering nervously.

"C-Can I have your number?" One manages, making him blink. Genzo stares for a moment before smiling sheepishly.

"You're Sakamoto-san, right? Sorry, I don't know you very well, so I'm not very comfortable with..."

"N-No, it's fine! I'm sorry!" The girl stammers. "I shouldn't have asked so suddenly!"

"I'm sorry, again." Genzo chuckles awkwardly before seeing his friend walk up to him. His rather impressive height makes her look small in comparison, but neither seem to be acknowledging it. "Let's go?"

She nods, and the two leave the room without another word.

"Where's that bruise from?"

Genzo perks when he hears the store owner ask his daughter a concerning question.

"Oh. It's nothing, I got hit by a basketball during gym today."

"You need to be more careful!"

He knows that's not why, Genzo knows it. She's been getting a lot of bruises and cuts lately, but she refuses to tell him how - she's been avoiding him, even. He's getting worried.

"You need to stay away from Genzo-kun, stupid bitch. He's ours, not yours!"

The girl flinches when she gets kicked again, curling up in a ball as her vision begins to grow blurry. She's tired of this, but she can't tell anyone. Her dad would beat the girls up and she doesn't want Genzo to know. She chokes, a little blood dripping from her lips as she lays still. The girls scoff at her, ramming a foot into her side again. She cries out weakly, back slamming into the all of the school and crumpling onto the floor.

"Maybe we should just find some other boy and have him teach you not to fight back. Maybe he can play with you a bit."

"But we can just do that, can't we?" One of them asks, a wicked grin on her face. Fear flashes in the girl’s eyes as she struggles to back away from them, but the leader is already smirking and holding her down. She tries to scream, but her voice is almost gone.

"S...Stop it....! Don't touch me - !" The teen tries to wrench away from them, but they've already yanked off her blazer and ripped open her shirt. Tears start spilling down her face as she weakly attempts to fight back, but her body is too tired and hurt to do anything.

"Look at the poor thing, she's sobbing." One mocks her, yanking her head up by her hair before slapping her across the face. They pull her skirt off with a bit of trouble. "Shut up, unless you want us to make this worse."

"Are you in here?"

All of them freeze when they hear their very Genzo's voice calling out to her from outside in the gym, calling the girl's name. There's a few other pairs of footsteps behind him.

"Are you sure she's still on campus?" It's Kojiro - the girls all pale. If he finds them, they're done for - his reputation as aggressive is by no means a secret, nor is it false.

"Can we check the closet?" Tsubasa's light voice reaches them as well.

Two girls go to the door and make sure the lock is done from the inside. It clangs a few times.

"Huh? That's weird, it's locked."

"Locked? That's impossible, the door can't be locked unless it's from the inside."

"Wait." Genzo walks up to the door, looking a little worried. He calls her name carefully.

"There's no way she's - "

The sound of struggling followed by a chair toppling over is all the three need to get a deathly clear idea of what's going on. Genzo's worried face turns into one of dread and panic. He calls her again, louder this time. "Are you in there?! Say something!"

"Wakaba - stop it! Get away from me!"

The three of them all look horrified before Hyuga shoves the other two out of the way and readies himself before kicking he door down. There's several squeaks and the three teammates are almost too shocked to move by what they see.

The very one they've been searching for is cowering on the floor with maybe three or four girls on top of her, her clothes almost entirely ripped to shreds and removed with bruises and gashes all over her body. There are seven girls in the room in total besides, and they all look panicked.

Genzo is the first to recover, uncharacteristically shoving Tsubasa out of the way and rushing over to the young woman fallen on the floor. His eyes are full of pure and chilling rage, a snarl on his face that makes them all cower.

"Get the fuck away from her before I kill you."

They all shiver in fear, but one steps forward.

"We were just trying - !"

"To what? Bully her? Harass her? Sexually assault her? Because that's exactly what it looks like."

Kojiro growls, even the usually calm Tsubasa looking furious. Genzo makes a beeline to the girl’s trembling form, her assailants backing away from him like he would burn them. He kneels by her side, looking worried out of his mind.

"Did you guys find her?!" Misaki calls from the gym door.

"Call the teachers or police and an ambulance here. Now." Kojiro's demanding voice doesn't leave space for argument. They all seem to get the basic idea and immediately get to it, the assailants seeming to suddenly realize how deep the shit was that they were in.

"N-No - !"

"Shut up!"

Kojiro's shout quiets everyone in the gym and closet, save Genzo, who is taking off his sweater and carefully pulling it over the girl's head so she has something to wear other than her underwear and unclasped bra. This situation is too mortifying to be worried about getting flustered.

"You think you can fucking talk your way out of this?! You have no god damn idea how worried we've been because of how many injuries she's been getting recently with no explanation! Something has been wrong for weeks now, and you think we're actually going to fucking let you off after seeing you ripping her fucking clothes off while she's screaming?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Genzo just wraps his arms around the girl, letting her sob quietly, shaking and sucking in unsteady breaths. He murmurs to her softly, reassuringly.

"It's okay now. It's okay. I'm here."

Trembling, her fingers grasp onto his shirt as the girl tried to choke down the whimpers. He ignores the blood from her cuts and nose that are staining his shirt - they don't matter. What matters is arresting these psychopaths and getting her to a hospital.

"The police and hospital are on their way here." Matsuyama steps forward. He already figured out what happened from Kojiro's outburst. "You can try escaping, but all of us are stronger and faster than you are. Stay still and things will be easier for all of us."

The girls are quiet and stunned as they're brought into the cars, the team making sure that Genzo and his friend got into the ambulance safely.

"I hope she's going to be okay," Ishizaki murmurs as the red and white vehicle drives off. No one speaks, but everyone knows they all agree with him.

Her father is absolutely livid when he gets the news, but when he sees his daughter and only living family on a hospital bed with an IV and more bandages than he's ever owned, all of it is replaced with worry.

"Thank you, Genzo-kun. I mean it."

"Don't thank me. I'm just glad she's safe." He murmurs, eyes never leaving the girl's face. The man watches Genzo's expression before a bitter sweet smile crosses him.

"You really love her, don't you?"

The boy looks a little surprised before he smiles sadly in return.

"...I guess I really do."

"Usually I wouldn't allow dating or anything, but try talking to her when she's ready for it. My daughter's liked you for a long time, she's never wanted to be a bother, either. That's probably why she never told you about this."

Genzo stares at the man for a moment before nodding.

They sit in a comfortable silence.

"Oh. Hi, Wakabayashi-san." Her voice is scratchy as she smiles tiredly and hesitantly, feeling him holding one of her hands in both of his. Genzo feels himself freezing, so many emotions flooding through him before he smiles, even if there's tears beginning to flow down his cheeks.

He whispers her name so softly, with a relief and revering typically reserved for prayer. It takes him a moment to speak, but all he can manage is a lame: "Hi."

Neither of them say a thing - her room is dead silent, but the air is warm. She wants to say she's sorry, and they both know that he knows it. So she doesn't speak. He wants to say he's so glad she opened her eyes and that she's steady on her way to recovery, how worried he's been, and they both know that she knows it.

So Genzo presses his forehead against her knuckles, and cries.

He cries, and cries, and cries, the guilt overwhelming. And yet he finds himself in her loose embrace once more, the girl sitting up slightly to wrap her arms around his form.

"It's okay, Wakabayashi-san. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame yourself."

She's so kind, she forgives so easily, giving him forgiveness he damned well knows he doesn't deserve. No, he doesn't deserve anything she gives him. He doesn't deserve her forgiveness, her warmth, her kind words, nothing.

"I'm so happy." Genzo's voice was soft and trembling, almost cracking as he holds her tightly. "I...I just..."

"What's wrong?"

She waits patiently for him. Even when the girl presses her lips to his forehead, he can't choke out the words he's wanted to say for years. Because he doesn't deserve to know what her answer would be. Even when he tries to speak, that simple phrase is mangled in his mind, shaped into something his skewed logic considers safer, when what would truly save him would be to just tell her.

I love you, Genzo wants to say, and yet it comes out so wrong.

"I don't want anything like this to happen to you again."

But the girl merely chuckles, petting his head.

"It won't. I promise."

The air is thick with tension, but he has to tolerate it. He can't confess to a girl he so strongly believea would never return his feelings. Her warmth is so comforting, he selfishly wants it all for himself. So Genzo nuzzles a little closer and falls asleep, the girl's calloused hands combing her fingers through his hair.

Maybe one day, Genzo Wakabayashi will be good enough for her.

But today is not that day.

#captain tsubasa #captain tsubasa imagine #wakabayashi genzo #wakabayashi genzo imagine #wakabayashi genzo scenario #triggering content

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