#I actually have ideas I just don't have motivation

[dilfmas]

i've said it before, but i truly feel like a lot of the hate towards kant really comes from a place of people not understanding him and why he's handling everything the way he is. like i feel like at this point, more people understand his motivations and the fact that he's doing all of this to be able to raise babe, but i feel like the disconnect is now coming from the way he's handling it all.

and like, i understand that everyone has different interpretations, but one thing i have never been able to understand and get behind is the idea that kant, at any point, didn't feel anything for bison. we see before kant gets blackmailed by christ, before he is told that bison is an assassin and he needs to get close, that kant clearly felt something real on his and bison's first night together. you can make the argument about it just being because they had really good sex, and i'm not saying that wasn't part of it, but the thing is that when kant is laying there, daydreaming about bison with that silly smile on his face, he's not thinking about just the sex. yes, we get a shot of that too in his little daydream, but we also just get bison at the bowling alley. and kant tells style that bison didn't stick around as if he's disappointed, and again, sure, you can make the argument that he just wanted to make a fuck buddy out of bison or something like that, but style is teasing him about it in the same way a friend teases you about a crush - and style knows kant and his fuck boy ways better than anyone, so it's obvious this isn't just the way kant acts when he has good sex with someone.

but then captain christ calls. and kant is given this job that he has to do. this isn't an option, he doesn't have a choice here. it's do this job for captain or he brings back his car theft charges and he looses custody of babe. you can argue about his tactic in getting close, sure, but the truth is i don't think kant trying to be bison's friend would have even worked, nor would it have likely made much sense because they had already slept together.

and again, i've said it before, but a lot of the reason that kant was able to be convincing with everything in the beginning is because while sure, he was definitely playing things up, he also did always have a real interest in bison. kant isn't a good liar. we've been shown this time and time again, not just with bison, but with fadel and even with style. if kant hadn't had any interest in bison to begin with, he wouldn't have been able to fake it so easily. there's just no way to me that he didn't have some amount of interest from the beginning.

his interest has always been real. the problem has always come in with the fact that kant knows it can't be.

and i think in the beginning, it was easy for him to justify it, to brush it off. to tell himself "it was just good sex" or "it's just a crush" because as much as it may be real, kant needs to to be a lie. he needs to be faking it, be lying through his teeth, because none of this is real! he can't approach bison in a way he otherwise may, he has to be over the top. he can't win bison's heart naturally, he has to wiggle his way in, he has to lie and cheat and manipulate, he has to pay off his friends to help him and drug him to get information. it can't be real because even if it is, he has to do these things anyways. even if it's real, he won't get to keep him in the end. it's either bison gets locked up or kant does, and if he's the one in the cell, then there's no one to take care of babe.

so of course kant pushes away and ignores every bit of feelings he has until he can't anymore. of course he ignores the way he redraws bison's cat tattoo for him when he doesn't have to. he ignores the fact that maybe he does actually like it when bison hits him, that maybe they are the perfect match. he ignores the little kiss he gives bison despite him being totally out of it. he ignores the note he has in his phone of all the things bison likes, the things he dislikes.

until he's sat in bison's room and he sees pictures of the northern lights and thinks "he has dreams, just like babe does."

until bison calls him his boyfriend and he giggles like a teenager with a crush.

until he's in the shower and can't stop thinking about bison giving him his heart and the way he doesn't deserve it.

until style calls him on it, tells him what he already knows but can't be true, that bison has him wrapped around his finger.

until bison is telling him he loves every story on his body. until bison is kissing his way up his skin like he's something beautiful and precious but he's not. because bison says he loves the parts of him he thinks are ugly. but would he still if he knew? would he still look at kant with all that love, all that vulnerability, if he knew it was built on a false start? would he still find those parts beautiful, too?

of course kant doesn't think so. of course he has no reason to believe bison would forgive him. how can he expect that when he can't even forgive himself?

so it's better, isn't it, to just get it all over with? to do what he needs to and try to live with himself once it's all over? to let himself love bison for just one night because he'll lose him either way after that, won't he?

that's what it is, for kant. he can't keep bison. no matter how much he wants to. no matter how real any of it is.

[ilikekidsshows]

I've seen people said Adrien doesn't have motivation to be a hero but Marinette does, which is weird because I feel like it's Marinette who doesn't have a motivation to be hero beyond "people listen to Ladybug". Her lack of motivation is what confused me because as a protagonist, she's inevitably become a role model for the young audience and I find nothing about her is likeable, even more so after she become a guardian. It's as if being a guardian inflate her ego and she forgot that everyone else is a human with feelings, not just a pawn or a doll for her to play and ordered around.

Recently I found out a website that contain the concept plot and it confused me more because I feel like concept Marinette is a more grounded character than she is in the show.

Marinette's goal isn't just to be Adrien/Felix's girlfriend but she also need to collect the kwamis that she accidentally releases and she become a guardian not because of luck or favoritism like how it is in the show, it's because her grandfather is the guardian. Adrien/Felix doesn't even become Chat Noir because he's chosen by the guardian, it's Plagg who chose him. It's actually much better than the whole "I choose you but also I'm not going to do anything with you" that Fu pulls in the show.

i don't understand why the higher up/the sponsor reject this plot because I think this much better than whatever we have now. If they have a problem with Chat Noir being an anti-hero, then why do they accept Marinette being written like one while also hailing her as a hero?

---

“Adrien isn't motivated to be a hero” he actually likes being a hero, unlike our role model protagonist, who’d rather do anything than be Ladybug even when she's being lauded for her heroic deeds. Is this based on Adrien trying to quit when Fu or Marinette is making his job needlessly more difficult to do? Because, like, that's the only thing that he seems to dislike about being a hero, which, like, makes Marinette an even worse hero. She’s so bad at her job, she makes otherwise eager heroes lose their motivation.

I’m gonna be very honest here; Marinette becoming Ladybug because she accidentally released a bunch of magical creatures and Adrien/Félix being more of an anti-hero rival than a full-on ally would have been copied straight from Cardcaptor Sakura’s starting setup. Like, I’m not surprised that even the rejected ideas for Miraculous are copied from other properties, but it just proves that regardless of any other variables, Astruc’s creation was always going to be highly derivative. Regardless, I do feel that Fu being her grandfather instead of a stranger would have gone a long way in justifying Marinette’s special treatment both in-universe and to the audience, but that’s probably why it was rejected.

Like, we can mock the fact that Marinette isn’t actually within spitting distance of being a “normal girl with a normal life” all we like, but that doesn’t change the fact that, from a purely on-paper angle, she is pretty average. She’s a middle-schooler with pretty average hobbies who deals with normal teen problems like bullies and a crush on a boy she doesn’t know how to deal with. There’s a reason it’s the opening line for the show’s opening. It's marketable. A special chosen one from the start wouldn’t have been as marketable in the same way. Especially when we take into account how hypersensitive Astruc is to Marinette being less liked than he’d want. He’d do whatever he can think of to make sure Marinette isn’t immediately judged a “Mary Sue”.

The thing with executives is that they don't watch the shows they fund. They read the pitch, synopses, and maybe the scripts if they can find the time. And even then, they might not want to put in the money to get a script revised even if they paid enough attention to tell it was dogshit. They wouldn't be interested as long as the different Miraculous bedsheets and shampoos keep selling and as long as the show isn’t too gay to sell to other countries. Like, the show bible that Gloob leaked? The one full of inaccuracies because it was outdated? That was what the executives were most likely given when the retool went into development. In addition, corporate oversight on the show has actually decreased the longer it’s gone on, because the show’s proven itself to be a success. I’m pretty sure the higher-ups were not asked: “hey, is it okay if we make Marinette an entitled jerk who gets validated at every turn while she starts treating people worse and worse?” I’m pretty sure no one okayed Marinette’s “villain arc”, it was just allowed to pass because it didn’t make the show less marketable.

That’s the thing with any property that becomes “too big to fail”. Less oversight means less quality control. It’s like one anonymous Gamefreak employee said about making Pokémon games: “It’ll sell anyway, so it doesn’t matter if it’s bad.”

[plebbypebblepleb]

Merry Christmas to my lovely moots!!

and almost happy birthday to me~ fufu, it's the 27th if you havent heard me yapping already! :3

So, to begin this, I want you all to know how much you really mean to me. Everyone here has been a huge part of the reason why i'm still doing art. I've been working on this and hinting at it since the start of the month!

I've been so excited to finish this project, and I hope that this will brighten up your holidays. Keep in mind, EVERYTHING IS PLATONIC!!

also, the order doesn't mean anything. it's just random! (i didnt even finish the drawings in this order, so i have actually 0 idea why it's like this lmao)

AND NO !!! I DONT HAVE FAVORITES. PLEASE DONT BE SAD IF YOUR NOTE IS SHORTER THAN OTHERS!! I JUST INTERACT MORE WITH THEM/HAVE KNOWN THEM LONGER. YOU ALL ARE SOOO IMPORTANT TO ME!! I PROMISE GUYS 😭😭😭

✦ Find your @, and read what I wrote for ya! Then, scroll all the way down for a little surprise ;3 ☆

Without further ado, LETS GET IT STARTED! 🩷🎀

@pr3tty-0n-the-inside,

where do i even begin? through my entire time in the outsiders fandom, you've been there and encouraged me throughout it. you complimented my silly crossovers, and we've overall had the best conversations. you've encouraged me throughout the entire magical girl series, and you're a big reason on why that was finished. thank you SO MUCH for being in my life. thank you for randomly messaging me when we became moots. thank you thank you, thank you. I hope you have wonderful holidays, you deserve it.

Your humor is so amazing, and I always find myself laughing whenever I talk to you. I love your roleplay account and just how you interact with people, and I love your personality.

“my fuckass computer unplugged, kill me” poetry. Words of an angel.

also, be a little nicer to yourself :3

@qqtofu,

i know we haven't talked that much, but i really do admire your art so much! you've been a huge inspiration to me, and just looking at your art gives me inspiration to draw! rin is my favorite vocaloid, and gosh, you really do her justice! i mean, how could you not? you're so super talented! and you're super sweet as well, I hope you have a great christmas/any holiday you celebrate, and i'd love to get to know ya better! <3

@charlie-bonkerz,

we've recently become moots, I know, but you still deserve to be celebrated! you have been so super supportive and I always have a smile on my face while reading your messages!

sometimes, I'll admit, I scroll back to that one compliment you gave when I'm feeling insecure about my art. (ponyboy drawing) I keep rereading it and it's been motivating me to continue doing art. Seriously, I can't stress how much those big compliments mean. I don't receive a lot of support for my art irl and your words really do have a huge impact on me.

thank you so much for being in my life, I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything. Also you're stunning.

@deim0sdread,

DALLAS!!!! thanks so so much for being in my life, you've genuinely encouraged me so much, and I couldn't be happier that I'm your friend! your oc was so fun to draw! thank you for your requests on the magical girl series, getting requests always makes my day so much better, and I get so happy whenever people show that they like my art! especially you, when I first saw how much you liked my art, I almost cried. You're the sweetest, merry Christmas / happy holidays (I'm not sure what you celebrate, but have fun with whatever it is :3) 🩷🎀

@sugarberry-beetle,

kk!! :o your oc was so cute and fun to draw! I'm so glad you randomly popped into my messages! our conversations always make me smile, and the way you type is sooo cutteeee 🩷🎀 thank you for calling my art cool, yours is 18.52% cooler than mine!!! >:333 merry Christmas/happy holidays kk!!!! :D keep creating art, id love to see it! and never give up writing! It's so adorable! DALBIT!!!!

@eepyguy1987,

youve been nothing but kind to me in messages and in my inbox! thank you so much, you make me so happy whenever i see an ask/message for you, and you're definitely a highlight of my days! thanks for being in my life!

@magefelixir,

hey there Felix! I know we don't interact much, but when we do, it's always a blast! your compliments and you expressing how much my art means to you is such a huge push for me to keep creating. If I'm going to be honest, that mesmerizer drawing was created in my head because of you! I'm so thankful for you, mwah 🩷

@cheryyy-valancce,

Cherry, you're genuinely such an amazing person and a kind soul. Your encouraging words and just compliments overall have seriously brightened up my days so much. Our endless reblogs talking about random stuff, and our conversations about vocaloid have been soooo sweet. I love interacting with you in character and out of character, because you're just so amazing to talk with!

Being your friend has been so memorable this year, and I couldn't be more grateful. I love you, cherry! I hope you have wonderful holidays!

@greasergirllll,

we haven't interacted much as of lately, but I do remember when we did, and gosh. That was so fun. You encouraged me so much to really finish off the greasers as magical girls series! Thanks so much, really. Im so grateful for our conversations, and I hope we can talk a bit more soon! 🩷🎀🌟 Happy holidays :3

@nexternalknowsthingz,

HEY THERE NEX!!! youve been such a huge inspo to me.. I don't know if you remember but I commented on a post of yours waaaayyyayay before I even started on any outsiders works.. and you responded and called my art cutee...ababahshaba

ok maybe maybe maybe I was squealing and blushing a bit and maybe I was rereading that comment

BUT!!!! gosh, youve seriously encouraged me so much. Your art is always so fun to see, and I love being moots. Thanks so so much for being my friend, and I hope you have amazing holidays! Hope to get to know you more :3

@boxxy-roxxy,

Rui, your art is sooo pretty. I love the down turned eyes and your colors, seriously, you're insanely talented! I'm so honored to be friends with such an amazing artist, and I still cherish that art trade we did. :3 the way you draw Johnny is so cute, and I LOVE seeing new art from you! I've said this before and I'll say it again. Seeing new art from you is like opening a Christmas present! Never stop, because then I'll miss ya!! (Unless you take a break, even then, I'll support you! You're awesome!!🩷🎀)

@six-eyed-samurai,

When I first saw your tokyo rev stuff, I was like, "woah!! that's cool!" and followed you. Pretty soon after were the long ass asks for the texts and such, and I was so happy when you answered them. I'm gonna be honest, I loved reading your authors notes more than I liked reading the actual texts.

Being able to call you my friend has been such a blessing, from the times you put up with my weird requests, all the way to now. Our headcanons have been so fun to make, and yes. In another universe, we're performing APT. with rindou, ran, inupi, and koko. It's been an amazing year, and I loved every second that was spent with you.

yes. you are a masochist. I don't understand WHY YOU ENJOY GRAPE FLAVORED CANDY?! ITS NOT SANE. ITS NOT AND I WILL STAND BY THE FACT THAT YOU BELONG IN AN ASYLUM. ALSO IM NOT WEIRD FOR DRINKING VINEGAR, ITS LITERALLY GOOD. YOURE CRAZY.

im so happy we can bond over Haikyuu, Tokyo rev, and bsd, and I can't wait to see how your novel develops as you keep writing it! You'll never understand how much you mean to me because I lack to vocabulary to express it. I love you so, so much sunny. I can't wait for my next Christmas with you. 🩷🎀🌟

@redfielddoesthings,

Carmim, jeez. I've been putting off your letter for so long since I just didn't know what to write. you're one of my best best friends, and I enjoy your company so much. Talking with you brightens my day in a matter of seconds. I love the way you type, I love your humor, I love your art, I love your ocs, I love your style, I love you. please never ever change.

You've told me many times that you enjoy how enthusiastic I am, even when I ask if I should calm down around you. I never showed it but you have no clue how much that means to me. I've never really had anyone before this that enjoyed how energetic I was, and to finally know what it's like is a dream come true. Your encouraging words and just overall kindness have been motivating me to continue drawing and doing what I love.

Calling you my friend is such an honor, and I'd never trade it for anything. My life was a boring ass textbook before this, but you took some silly little highlighters in a bunch of colors and scribbled all over the pages. you've lit up my life so much and I can't thank you enough. I love you carmim, /p.

also if you ever say "my art isn't all that" ever again I'm leaking our "insiders" chats. 😋😋😋 I WILL STAND FOR NOTHING BUT COMPLIMENTS FOR YOURSELF

ALRIGHT! the final message before I let you guys go on with your Christmas!

Sometimes I forget how much I'm loved, and how lucky I am to have you all in my life. Being friend with you guys makes me so grateful and helps me realize that people DO enjoy seeing my art. I mentioned this in a few messages, but I do not get much support from the people around me regarding my art. Your compliments mean SO much to me, and I couldn't be happier that I've met all of you.

going back to "forgetting how much I'm loved," I'm sure you guys do too. Keep this as a reminder of how much I care about you and how much you mean to me. You deserve everything and more, and I can't stand to know that a world exists where I don't have all of you. I don't wanna think about the fact that you guys may feel that someone doesn't care about you, because I do. I need you to know that I do care and I will always be here for you. I love you guys so much, and I could never be happier.

AND WITH THAT, WE'RE FINISHED!!!🩷🎀

time taken (for everything combined) : ~22hrs 50m

[dontcallpanic]

I love these points SO, So much! I was sat here going yes, yes, exactly! Yes!

Poor Derek not knowing how to get a house or a safe space - that really got me actually and I was wondering if it was also linked to not wanting to have too many good things. So if he has a house or a space he likes, when he inevitably looses it (in his mind) that feels so much worse than somewhere he doesn't care about so much being destroyed. Imagine getting to the point where he restored the Hale House and then it got torn down again... Ffffddd

Also Fuji your point about him having to take out Peter to protect Scott makes so much sense! But also oh god imagine having to be in that position where you have to kill your last remaining family member (from his perspective) to protect this guy that keeps getting you arrested and blaming you for literally everything! I was also wondering about it becoming one of those goals you get fixated on. Like yeah if I can only just get through X or if I can just get more powerful, if I can get stronger, if I can get better, then I can fix it all, then the problem will go away, then I can protect everyone.

Oh also - did you know there are more F's to the trauma response list - some of which I think also fit Derek. They're Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fuck, Friend and Flop. It's to take into account how we often have to play nice, or fuck or play along with perpetrators just to survive. To account for the fact that behaviour can externally look like one thing but internally the motivations are /extremely/ different. And again we don't get a choice in what our brain will select. It's just whatever it decides is our best chance of survival. And again it's definitely not going to look well adjusted, because it's not exactly a well adjusted situation. It's already deeply fucked up.

Oh and Derek having to show that he's useful just to be allowed to exist always breaks my heart. You put this SO Well. Being useful I would guess feels safe to him. You can also see him doing the needing people/pack but being so terrified of loosing them or hurting them that he pushes them away first pattern that you would totally do if you had been through all that. And then throws his own body and life around like some kind of wrecking ball because neither things are of high value in his mind.

Also your line about pleading with Stiles and Scott to stay alive by saying how useful he is totally broke me. You're spot on with that and it's just tragic.

I'm genuinely staggered by the lack of empathy and understanding but I was also thinking about what Pdxtrent said about him being one of the best representations of trauma in media (and I totally agree) and in a really awful way it kind of makes sense that he wouldn't get a lot of empathy or sympathy because real life survivors get treated this way all the time too. His response feels so True to life, it garners a true to life response from many people. Especially because he doesn't play the victim (and I love that for him) most people/survivors dont - actually! Again, you can't always tell motivations just by watching someone's outward behaviour - although you can obviously get a good idea, but there's also a whole internal world driving that behaviour that you can't see. I feel that this is where Derek is at - and at least past of the reason why he's deeply misunderstood.

There's also something there about the extreme expectations placed on young adults but that might be for another time!

Derek Hale has PTSD. I think people tend to forget that he wasn't an ass for the hell of it. He put up a rough asshole front to protect himself. He has the ugly symptoms of PTSD. Does it excuse some of his actions? No. But he does deserve some understanding and empathy.

No matter what age you see him as, he just isn't a 'grown ass man'. He had no idea how to take care of himself. He was still mentally that 15 year old who lost everything and was traumatized beyond reason.

Derek continuously kept being kicked while he was down. The poor guy couldn't catch a break. Like have a heart y'all. He was never a villain. An antagonist at one point, yes. Villain, no.

Trauma literally rewires your brain, and that poor kid got enough trauma before the first episode. Derek needed lots of therapy, he needed friends, and he needed a pack.

Derek could literally trust no one. Not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't. He tried his best with what he had, which wasn't much, and he fucked up at times. But he kept trying to do and be better.

[theamityelf]

What about the members of class 77? What if they were Kamukuras?

(Kamukura Wrangler AU Masterlist)

I'm glad you asked, because I do like to imagine that Nagito also gets tossed into a room with his Kamukurized classmates.

I'm imagining it happens long after Makoto meets his, because it would be weird for the scientists to start with Izuru (a Kamukura made from a talentless person), then make a batch of Kamukuras from Ultimates (already a potentially significant variable) and then vary it up again by giving those Ultimates a non-talented plaything.

How I'm imagining it plays out is, they made Izuru, they then made the 77th class into Kamukuras in the same way as Izuru (meaning, all isolated from each other with no human plaything), and then they made the 78th class as a more socialized version of the project, given each other for company and then Makoto for...I'm going to call it stress relief, lol.

After Makoto has had a while with the 78th class and changes have been seen as a result (positive and negative ones, in their eyes; they don't want the Kamukuras to be as emotional as some of them have become, but others of them have mainly just grown more agreeable or more motivated), they decide to try letting the 77th class Kamukuras socialize more. Not on the same scale as the 78th class, where they live together in a section of the labs and have a pet luckster, but maybe they get to visit each other, maybe Nagito is brought in to visit them individually, etc.

Quick overview:

Impostor- I think they might have fully lost him. Impostor is still in the labs, but you wouldn't know it. He hasn't been in his cell pretty much since they finished altering him. Sometimes he's impersonating one of the doctors, scientists, etc. Sometimes he's just straight hiding. They know he's around here somewhere, but they simply have no way to pin him down.

They do their best to make sure he can't get outside, wherever he is, but there are plenty of times where he has the opportunity to leave and just chooses not to. He's got to be sleeping somewhere, he's got to be eating something, he's got to be using the bathroom, but no one can ever catch him. They just sometimes find that half of their lunch was eaten from the faculty fridge, but there's no sign of him on the security cameras.

Teruteru- He submits to anyone's authority, always. All Kamukuras are meant to be receptive to command, to make them effective tools, and this shows in all of them to very different degrees. For Teruteru's part, he is indiscriminately ready to be used, so much so that it actually makes him useless. You can't trust a doctor who will do whatever anyone says. You certainly can't trust an assassin who would do whatever anyone says. They've decided that they can never let him out of his room and can only let a privileged few people around him. Nagito might not get to meet him.

Mahiru- Already got some characterization in the main Kamukuras AU.

In this scenario, she's very detached from Nagito and not especially interested in him, but she's willing to talk to him, and she'll avenge him if he's killed or Kamukurized.

Peko- Loyal to the Steering Committee, but knows she's smarter than them, so while she adopts their goals out of subservience to their will, she will disobey their immediate orders if she has a better idea. She doesn't consider herself or the other Kamukuras human in a meaningful way.

When Nagito is taken to meet her, she is 100% indifferent to him at first. She doesn't need to socialize or play or anything else. She's an instrument of the Steering Committee.

Hiyoko- She does not consider non-Kamukuras to be worth pretty much anything. Her long-term goal is to overthrow the scientists and let the lab be run by the Kamukuras. She doesn't particularly care about escaping the labs.

She calls Nagito worthless, when he's presented to her, but he agrees with her, and ultimately they're a dangerous pair. Hiyoko's plot to take over the labs is going to happen. (It can coincide with the 78th class's plot to flee the labs. One triggers the other; either the 78th class's escape gives the 77th class their chance to take over the labs, or the 77th class's takeover gives the 78th class their chance to escape. Izuru himself is somewhere in the mix, and who knows if all the 78th class makes it out.)

She also plans to make Nagito a Kamukura. She considers it a reward, an ascension for the human who knew his place. The others will stop her.

Ibuki- She's scratching the walls with her nails. She bites anyone who enters her cell. She speaks exclusively in a language that she made up. It has real syntactical rules and lots of false cognates to confuse people. (The other Kamukuras are able to figure out the rules of her language, if they're allowed around her.) Also sometimes she makes animal sounds. Her vibe is deliberately off-putting; the scientists are really unsettled by her. Scared, even. She laughs at them. The laughter creeps them out even more.

She's not interested in killing anyone, and won't. She actually likes to cuddle as much as she likes to bite. When Nagito visits her, he has to stay the night, because she won't let him go. After a few visits, she's willing to speak to him in Japanese every now and then. Not full conversations; just short warnings, like, "Watch your step," or commands, like, "More." (He's the one bringing most of them food, now, so maybe she's demanding larger portions. But he also eats with some of them, so she might be telling him to eat more.)

Mikan- She knows that she is a new person created from an existing person, and from this she reasons that she should be a baby. (Not quite literally, but something close.) So she analyzes people in silence, looking for someone to imprint on like a duckling on its mother. It might end up being a scientist, another Kamukura, a Steering Committee member, one of the lucksters. In the current setup, it could be Nagito, but if she waits long enough to have other options, then who's to say. It could just as easily be Izuru, Imposter, or even Sayaka. (Probably not Izuru, since he is focused on all of his successors, and she wants someone to be focused primarily on her. This is also why she might not choose Nagito.)

Once she decides who she will deliberately imprint on, she gives them her obedience and expects care in return. She'll be very clear about what specific ways she expects to be cared for; she'll directly say, "You need to tell me what to eat," or "You need to decide how my hair should look. I will let it grow until you tell me otherwise," or "You need to soothe me until I fall asleep. Do you want instructions as to how I am to be soothed?"

She will kill or maim, very casually, if it ever becomes necessary.

Nekomaru- Ngl, I feel like Nekomaru might die during the procedure, but assuming that doesn't happen, he aligns with Hiyoko. In-grouping hard. Kamukuras should band together and act in their own interest. He's protective of all Kamukuras, and it's more pragmatic than emotional, but it still causes him to act very loyally toward all the other Kamukuras. (He treats the lucksters as their pets, to whom he is indifferent but with whom he remains careful and protective.)

Unlike Hiyoko, this is purely an in-group thing; it has nothing to do with normal people being worthless. This means he doesn't care about which Kamukuras are more successful than others. Hiyoko would be very dismissive of someone like Taka; she would consider Taka a botched trial. Not as lowly as a normal person, but still a lesser Kamukura. Nekomaru doesn't feel that way. Any Kamukura is in the in-group.

Gundham- They don't know what to make of him. When they take him out of his cell, he's always staring at them and saying vague, ominous things. In his cell, he's often circling the space, trailing his fingers over the walls, or standing still in the middle of the room with his eyes closed. He usually ignores people when they walk in, whether they're bringing his food or sticking a needle in his neck.

At seemingly-random times, he actually reacts when someone walks in, instead of ignoring them. When he takes an interest in someone, he gets very close to them, examines them (like, lifting their arms and turning them around and generally handling them a lot like the scientists handle the Kamukuras), and perhaps sniffs them. This is how he treats Nagito the first time he visits. In subsequent visits, he usually ignores him. But he enjoys his company.

He's proficient in pressure points. And he's vicious when put in a position to defend himself or his interests. He feels some solidarity for other Kamukuras, but he's very solitary by nature. If pressed to express allegiance to anything or anyone, it would be Trial 1 (Izuru).

Chiaki- I just see her lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, reciting prime numbers or capitol cities from the moment she wakes up until she goes to sleep. It's a game. Legit, if you handed her a video game, she'd rather recite the hexadecimal color of each pixel than actually play it normally. Some of the scientists theorize that the video games are too easy for her; others theorize that she's using repetitive behaviors to self-soothe.

She won't kill anyone. She can't be made to do much of anything. She likes Nagito. He's good enrichment, and he feeds her.

Akane- She's silent and fluid. She's just in her cell doing weird contortions or dangling from the ceiling or both at the same time. She doesn't like to be touched; whenever someone tries to approach her, she slips through their fingers and settles in a different part of the room. When she eats, she's often hovering over the plate, doing one of those push-up handstands with just her forefingers.

The scientists (and Nagito, tbh) believe that she is more inclined to engage with her physical talents than her mental ones, because she doesn't talk to them or answer questions and she's always doing strange new things with her body, but really the contortions are just kind of a means of stimming, for her, while she reflects philosophically on everything and everyone. She doesn't find it natural to sit (or stand) still while she's thinking deeply.

She will very seldom speak, but when she does, her words are impactful. The first time she speaks to Nagito, after several visits in which she's said nothing, she will shatter a lot of what he believes to be true. (And he regrets underestimating her.)

She doesn't have any particular esteem for Kamukuras or talent. In her reflections, all of that stuff has stricken her as insignificant. She's as likely to kill a person as she is to kill a fly– which could be good news for flies or bad news for humans, depending on where her meditations have taken her. Probably just good news for flies.

Fuyuhiko- He has no esteem for Kamukuras as an end product. All he sees is an experiment that, in a just world, wouldn't have been done. It's not about the perversion of nature or any of the things Taka is disgusted by; Fuyuhiko is more focused on the established ethical rules that humanity claims to value. The regulations for human experimentation that were violated, the laws that were broken, etc. Mankind has been debating what should and should not be done for centuries, and when it comes down to it, no consensus they reach matters. The powerful will violate anything sacred. It's disgusting.

In the labs, he's very despondent and resigned. He's willing to talk to Nagito. He's resigned to the fact that Nagito will probably be killed at some point soon. He's not making a move of his own until something external changes– such as the other Kamukuras taking over the lab.

Once that happens, honestly, he might go a similar direction to Mahiru: a vigilante with a drive to fix what he thinks is wrong with the world. (Which could lead to a situation where Peko has to protect the Steering Committee from him.)

Kazuichi- His surface-level goal is to be a success in the scientist's eyes, and the Steering Committee's. To be excellent and useful. Deep down, he really wants to impress the original. Trial 1. Izuru Kamukura. He's always fixating on how his performance in the various tests compares to the original. He often thinks about whether Trial 1 notices when he improves. Does Trial 1 think about them? About him?

He has an initial interest in Nagito that he quickly discards when he learns that Trial 1 has not been given a luckster to socialize with. If Trial 1 doesn't need this, then neither does he. He will be their predecessor's equal.

Sonia- Similar to Peko, she is loyal to the Steering Committee while also aware that she's smarter than them. Unlike Peko, she does not adopt their goals as her own. She considers their goals to be as much a product of their flawed minds as their orders, so she acts how she thinks will actually benefit them most, not in accordance with what they think will benefit them.

So basically, if the Steering Committee were to say, "Do this thing so we can have this outcome," Peko would do a different, smarter thing to get the outcome, while Sonia would get them a different outcome that turns out to be better. Which could be a good thing for the world as a whole. Imagine someone telling Sonia to help them take over the world and she signs them up for therapy and fixes a gas leak in their house.

This isn't to say Sonia has an intrinsic sense of morality or emotion. What she thinks is best can be based on all kinds of things.

She is politely disinterested in Nagito.

[some-bi-mess]

I love how I said I'd draw some Saw fanart and then disappeared off the face of tumblr for a bit. (It logged me out sadge) Maybe it'll happen over the winter break. I gotta finish my Gravity Falls fanart first though.

In other news, I'm at Saw VI now :]] I love Strahm so much. (I know he's dead shhhh)

[serpentface]

Do you conlang? I was wondering if you had naming languages (or possibly even more developed ones) for pulling the words you use. I tried to search your blog but didn't find anything, wouldn't be surprised if the feature is just busted tho. Your worldbuilding is wonderful and I particularly enjoy the anthropological and linguistic elements.

Ok the thing is I had kind of decided I was not going to do any conlanging because I don't feel like I'm equipped to do a good job of it, like was fully like "I'm just going to do JUST enough that it doesn't fail an immediate sniff test and is more thoughtful than just keysmashing and putting in vowels". And then have kinda been conlanging anyway (though not to a very deep and serious extent. I maybe have like....an above average comprehension of how language construction works via willingness to research, but that's not saying much, also I can never remember the meanings of most linguistic terms like 'frictives' or etc off the top of my head. I'm just kinda raw dogging it with a vague conceptualization of what these things mean)

I do at least have a naming language for Wardi (and more basic rules for other established languages) but the rudimentary forms of it were devised with methods much shakier and less linguistically viable than even the most basic naming language schemes, and I only went back over it LONG after I had already made a bunch of words so there's some inconsistencies with consonant presence and usage. (This can at least be justified because it IS a language that would have a lot of loanwords and would be heavily influenced by other language groups- Burri being by far the most significant, Highland-Finnic and Yuroma-Lowlands also being large contributors)

The 'method' I used was:

-Skip basic construction elements and fully move into devising necessary name words, with at least a Vibe of what consonants are going to be common and how pronunciation works -Identify some roots out of the established words and their meanings. Establish an ongoing glossary of known roots/words. -Construct new words based in root words, or as obvious extensions/variants of established words. -Get really involved in how the literal meanings of some words might not translate properly to english, mostly use this to produce a glossary of in-universe slang. -Realize that I probably should have at least some very basic internal consistency at this point. -Google search tutorials on writing a naming language. -Reverse engineer a naming language out of established words, and ascribe all remaining inconsistencies to being loanwords or just the mysteries of life or whatever.

I do at least have some strongly established pronunciation rules and a sense of broad regional dialect/accents.

-'ai' words are almost always pronounced with a long 'aye' sound.

-There is no 'Z' or 'X' sound, a Wardi speaker pronouncing 'zebra' would go for 'tsee-brah', and would attempt 'xylophone' as 'ssye-lohp-hon'

-'V' sounds are nearly absent and occur only in loanwords, and tend to be pronounced with a 'W' sound. 'Virsum' is a Highland word (pronounced 'veer-soom') denoting ancestry, a Wardi speaker would go 'weer-sum'.

-'Ch' spellings almost always imply a soft 'chuh' sound when appearing after an E, I, or O (pelatoche= pel-ah-toh-chey), but a hard 'kh' sound after an A or U (odomache= oh-doh-mah-khe). When at the start of a word, it's usually a soft 'ch' unless followed by an 'i' sound (chin (dog) is pronounced with a hard K 'khiin', cholem (salt) is pronounced with a soft Ch 'cho-lehm')

-Western Wardin has strong Burri cultural and linguistic influence, and a distinct accent- one of the most pronounced differences is use of the ñ sound in 'nn' words. The western city of Ephennos is pronounced 'ey-fey-nyos' by most residents, the southeastern city of Erubinnos is pronounced 'eh-roo-been-nos' by most residents. Palo's surname 'Apolynnon' is pronounced 'A-puh-lee-nyon' in the Burri and western Wardi dialects (which is the 'proper' pronunciation, given that it's a Kos name), but will generally be spoken as 'Ah-poh-leen-non' in the south and east.

-R's are rolled in Highland-Finnic words. Rolling R's is common in far northern rural Wardi dialects but no others. Most urban Wardi speakers consider rolling R's sort of a hick thing, and often think it sounds stupid or at least uneducated. (Brakul's name should be pronounced with a brief rolled 'r', short 'ah' and long 'uul', but is generally being pronounced by his south-southeastern compatriots with a long unrolled 'Brah' sound).

Anyway not really a sturdy construction that will hold up to the scrutiny of someone well equipped for linguistics but not pure bullshit either.

[tricksterringmaster]

Reblogging, since I mostly have the same feelings about the ships, although I'm personally not interested in Mulciber one, because people mostly make him into some kind of a Perfect Boyfriend for Severus, and I just don't think it what would actually happen. It can be interesting, though, but I guess it needs more time for fandom to come up with more interesting personality for the character.

Sn*gulus, I think, has many options of exploration, from Regulus being too deep into pureblood mania to see Severus with his origins as something actually worthy to them actually finding common ground because they both can't stand Sirius, with Severus admiring Regulus' status and seeing him as something he desires to become and be close too and Regulus admiring Severus' skills. To be honest, from all of these ships this one seems the most normal and realistic, lol.

As a Sn*rius shipper, absolutely agree on Severus' trauma being quite often extremely underexplored and forgotten in Sn*rius fanfiction. For my taste, people focus too much on passions of their arguments and sometimes downplay Severus' trauma or even use it as a point of sexual awakening for the ship. Sometimes it all boils down to "Hey, I fucked up, I'm kinda sorry-ish, but I want you, and I know you want me, let's go!" and Severus says "no" a couple of times best and then it all nice and well. And I understand a lot of it comes from "old man toxic yaoi" trend and "we are actually both awful people, so let's have our awful relationship", but for me it's just tiresome and unispiring. I genuinely want to see more of Severus saying "no" not because he suppresses his desires to fuck Sirius, but because he is actually disgusted by the idea, and Sirius for him isn't a pretty face, but the face of the person who made his life hell. And I want to see Sirius having to actually question his own motives and to have troubles with it, then to change and do things accordingly to these changes. Like, for me the most interesting thing in this ship that can be done is this enourmous work to build the bridges between them, and if there is no work - for me it doesn't feel real and like them. What is interesting also is that actually most of the authors perfectly understand Severus' trauma and what comes with it, but it rarely translates into work, so I just don't know if it's the problem of depicting it or just desire to focus on/rush into romance and sex more than to focus on realistic character development (sometimes it all takes dozens of chapters, but still turns out unsatisfying; these two are frustrating, and, I guess, sometimes authors just get tired; making this ship go in the healthy direction isn't for the weak, ngl).

Also about Sn*pin, yeah, I think I don't have this idea of Lupin being particularly heterosexual, but what I see is that he is not the most reliable person who is ready to do the work in relationships. People have to do the work themselves to build relationships with him, and he, with all his trauma, easily jumps into the idea that it's easier to remove himself from the situation. It was like this with Harry, it was like this with Tonks. Harry didn't do the work, so Lupin didn't even write to him. Tonks did the work, and she just had to do it again and again, sometimes not without the help of others, because you need to have a whole choir of people backing your opinion for Remus to hear you sometimes. And I just don't see Severus running after him with these loud speeches about how he is actually a good person who deserves love and attention like Tonks did, especially if he is rejected again and again.

And J*verus is just Sn*rius Light for me too. The same trope, but with seriously less depth.

P.S. Sorry for the long comment, these frustrations have been boiling in me for a while. And for whoever reads it: ship whatever you ship, it's all personal feelings and views.

Sev's fandom is so vast that it’s incredibly rewarding to feed my obsessive hyperfocus on him. I discovered that he has many ships, which was surprising but not unpleasant. Snulciber, Snegulus, and Snetunia were the ones that caught my attention the most as a newcomer, especially Snegulus and Snulciber. I love the idea of chaotic Slytherins starting a relationship based on mutual misunderstandings and actually gaining something meaningful from it, but unfortunately, I’ve never found anything along those lines.

What do you think about Severus and Regulus or Severus and Mulciber? Do you think there’s good potential there or not?

I also came across Severus ships with the Marauders, and although I don’t personally like them, I still find them unsatisfying. I hate how, in long fanfics, Severus’s trauma is never properly explored. It feels like he always has to swallow everything that happened to him in favor of the couple’s development. I wish there were more angst, self-hatred, and revulsion, both from Severus and his chosen partner. It feels unrealistic when they don’t allow his character to carry his trauma and deal with it at his own pace. Not to mention the half-hearted apologies I’ve seen from the Marauders in some stories. What do you think about that?

I also came across fem!Severus tags, and I must admit I’m hooked. It’s a shame I haven’t found any good fanfics about it. What’s your opinion on that?

As I said, the fandom and the ideas people have surrounding him are so fascinating to me. There’s so much potential to explore.

The Severus/Mulciber ship is as old as the creation of the continents hahaha. Look, I’ve always been fine with bisexual Severus, especially with that line Rowling mentioned about Severus wanting Lily but also wanting Mulciber. It has potential, and canonically, they got along, and Severus saw something in Mulciber that he desired — however you choose to interpret that. So, honestly, I don’t think it’s a crack ship at all!

I find it curious that people in the new Marauders fandom assume Regulus would have gotten along badly with Severus, when it’s far more likely they had a cordial relationship. Maybe Regulus was even nice to him just to spite his brother. Honestly, I can totally see a scenario where, after Sirius ran away from home, Regulus confronted him at some point when he was bothering Severus — just for the sheer pleasure of annoying him. I’m pretty sure nobody could handle Sirius Black, but if his brother stepped in, Sirius might think twice, simply because Regulus would know all his weaknesses.

It’s not a pairing I’ve thought much about, but hey, why not? It makes a hundred times more sense than Jegulus, and in the end, they were only a year apart, shared the same house, and probably had mutual friends. And Sirius would have had an aneurysm if he ever found out they were or had been involved — which is a bonus for shipping them, hahahahaha.

Severus pairings with any of the Marauders seem problematic to me for obvious reasons, since shipping a victim with their bully isn’t something I’m particularly fond of. That said, I understand Snirius because they have a lot in common while having diametrically opposed personalities. They love in very similar ways, and both have explosive tempers in their own ways, so the dynamic could be really interesting if handled well. My issue with Snirius is that the fics I’ve read don’t really explore Severus’s trauma or the consequences it would have on a relationship. If I were to write about that pairing, it would be a long fic where 60% of the plot is pure drama about how Sirius’s past as Severus’s bully is the main problem in the relationship — because it should be. The few fics I’ve read have left me pretty unsatisfied in that regard because Sirius repents way too quickly, and everything is resolved as if nothing happened, or the issue isn’t even properly addressed. Sorry, but that’s just not realistic.

I can’t see Snupin, though — I have something personal against Lupin, ironically, because he’s the one people have been headcanoning as queer since the dawn of time. But to me, he’s the most straightforwardly, absolutely, and completely heterosexual character because there’s nothing more straight for a man than leaving a pregnant woman and running off. For that reason alone, I can’t see him with anyone but a woman. Sorry, he’s the Ted Mosby of the wizarding world.

And with James, it’s just a no. Like, absolutely not. If you want an enemies-to-lovers dynamic, you already have Sirius, who’s at least mentally unwell and deeply depressed. James and Severus have nothing in common personality-wise — they’re completely incompatible.

[kalofi]

zl fic idea

hii everyone i wrote something yesterday about an au idea i had for zolu and. i thought i'd share it here since its a bit too messy and disjointed in places to post on like. ao3 or something.

4.7k words, warning for temporary major character death but do not worry all will be fixed in due time. i'll put the rest under the cut

ok i have an idea for an au thats like kind of reincarnation but like reality displacement but like. okay just listen.

so we start at laughtale. its a couple years into the future from where we are in canon the strawhats are achieving their dreams luffy is about to find the one piece theres a big battle happening between them and the blackbeard pirates and whoever the fuck else is there idc. the rest of the strawhats are fighting the bb crew while luffy and zoro head off to find the one piece and also end up fighting black beard himself. luffy and zoro atp r like basically a thing but they never talk about it cuz theyre luffy and zoro and they kind of just exist with each other but like. theyre basically in love and everyone knows it. anyway they go off together luffy has the one piece almost in his grasp blackbeard attacks they fight its a big battle blood is shed bones are broken uumm in my mind luffy and zoro are like teaming up against bb bc his devil fruit is lowk broken and op and like ok theres gear5 too but i didnt rly consider that so lets just assume bb’s devil fruit can negate gear5 somehow or luffy exhausts it before bb is fully defeated. 

finally theyre able to knock bb down and hes out and theyre both tired and worn but they DID IT and the one piece is luffys and theyre facing each other grinning ear to ear and zoros saying “you ready, king of the pirates?” and luffy laughs and goes “not just yet zoro, i still gotta-“ and then theres a spear piercing right through his chest. and in the next moment its gone. 

theres a gaping hole through his captain and theres blood, theres so much blood and luffy’s still smiling like he hasnt realized it yet, like it hasnt even registered. zoros ears are ringing and he doesnt know what to make of whats hes seeing because its just not real, it CANT be. 

he looks over luffy’s shoulder and blackbeard is on the ground with his hand outstretched , black energy coiling back into his form and he’s laughing and laughing with bloodstained teeth. hes fucking laughing. one moment zoro is still standing parallel to luffy and the next hes in front of blackbeard and the mans head is rolling through the dirt and gravel, wado dripping crimson, a terrible gap toothed grin still stretching the man’s cheeks. 

zoro is breathing heavy, hes trembling and hes almost mesmerized by the blood pooling around a lacerated neck— then he’s remembering luffy and turning around and calling his name and he can see right through him theres a HOLE right through him and he chokes and stumbles and rushes to his side right as luffy starts to crumple to the floor . catches him and lowers him gently and doesnt know what to say. 

hes still shaking but cant move his mouth and everything is muffled, the sounds from the battle outside are distant and they dont matter but what does he do. what does he do. 

he snaps out of it when luffy gently calls his name. a strong “zoro,” like hes not fazed at all. like there isnt blood soaking into zoros clothes. 

his brain kickstarts and he’s speaking. saying things like “youre ok you’ll be ok” and “choppers right outside i’ll just call him and he’ll fix you right up” and “you always bounce back, right captain?” and hes thinking “dont die please dont fucking die. not now, not when we’re this close please dont fucking die” and hes silently praying to all the gods he doesnt believe in but luffy calls his name again and his mouth clicks shut. luffys saying it’ll be fine, that he had fun. that hes proud to have made it this far with all of them. and those sound a lot like parting words so zoro’s shaking his head no but luffy is still smiling. hes saying that hes glad he had zoro, that he made him happy. hes saying to tell everyone he’s glad they met, that hes glad they all had each other, that he knows theyll be just fine . 

zoro wants to say that luffy should tell that to them himself, when hes wrapped up and recovering and alive but his mouth is glued shut again and he feels that interrupting luffy now would be cursing him to death, like his words are the only thing keeping him tethered here, he just needs to get him to keep talking to stay awake. 

he tries to smile but it comes out ugly and wrong and he feels his lip wobble so he drops it. he settles on rubbing his thumb on luffys shoulder. something to keep him here. 

so he rubs and luffy talks little things until he cant anymore. until his eyes grow dull and his skin loses its warmth and still zoro rubs and he rubs.

—

thats how law finds them. zoro hunched over a body that should never be as still as it is. and its really no surprise hes there, hes been gunning for the one piece since the time he could captain a ship (or a submarine) but it all feels so wrong. 

zoro either doesnt notice him or doesnt care, but either way the man doesnt acknowledge law until he’s right behind him. its not like law can say anything to announce himself either, not after seeing the state of the body that zoros currently holding. the body that used to be luffy’s. hes still processing it all when the other man(the one whos alive) finally speaks. 

zoro asks if hes got a devil fruit. less of a question and more of a statement, but he should know anyway since theyve spent considerable time together and hes literally seen him use it. law cant unstick his jaw so he hums in affirmation. “and you can switch stuffs’ places?” another hum. “what about time.” 

that makes law pause. “what?” his voice comes out stronger than he feels. 

“what about time? can you switch things in time?” by this point law has awakened his devil fruit or some shit dont sweat the logistics but hes never tried anything of that sort so he kind of stumbles “im not- maybe? ive never attempted-“ zoro interrupts “send me back” 

“what?” 

“send me back so i can fix this. you can do that, right.” it clicks. law would pity zoro if he didnt know any better, instead he just feels mounting despair and resignation. 

he may not be crew, but he knew luffy too, he was allied with the man for fucks sake, and this just feels- wrong. he sighs, a tired, heavy thing. 

“what about your crew?” its useless. zoros as stubborn as his captain, with arguably a handful more screws loose. “it wont matter. they’ll never know because i’ll make sure this doesnt happen.” he still hasnt turned around. law doesnt know what expression hes making and hes sure he never wants to find out. 

hes ready to deny it, cut his losses and head for the one piece himself (hes not heartless, but if he stands here any longer and has to look at. well. he think he might never be able to move again) but then he really thinks about it. could he? would it even be possible? surely this isnt the way things were supposed to go, surely this isnt right. luffys never been one who was supposed to die just like that, like this, law knows that much. he thinks hes going to regret this, but he counts it as one last thank you for everything luffy did for him. 

youre gonna owe me big time strawhat-ya. if i even remember this, that is. 

he puffs a breath “i can try. i cant- promise anything but. i think we both know this,” he makes a vague, weak gesture, “isnt right.” 

zoro doesnt say anything, law didnt expect him to. he just bows his head slightly and law takes that as the acknowledgment it is. 

he brings his hand up, “dont do anything stupid, zoro-ya. or, at least, make it stupid enough to bring him back.” 

he positions his fingers in way so familiar, but the weight of it now is nearly unbearable.

room.

shambles

—

zoro’s world shatters, differently than before, and then theres nothing.

—

he wakes up in bed, bleary eyed and a pounding headache assaulting his senses. his alarm clock is going off which only adds to the drumbeat against his eyes. he grumbles and whacks around aimlessly to shut it off. the silence lasts a moment before his eyes fly open and he jolts up, sheets pooling around his waist. luffy. where was he? where was zoro? did the crew find him and take him back to the ship? did law fail? but this didnt look like chopper’s office.

he looks around to find hes in a room hes never seen before in his life, yet he instinctively knows is his. it all feels so wrong, like he doesnt belong in his own skin. he scratches lightly at his arm. he needs to go to work. 

work?

what the fuck is happening. 

its like his mind is at war with itself, one truth trying to dominate over the other. he trained at sensei’s dojo. he aged out of foster care. he was a swordsman, he was the first mate of the strawhat pirates. he didnt go to college, hes working construction. he made a promise, and kuina died. kuina…died. huh. his captain, his luffy, someone he knew so intimately and who knew him in turn. hes never met someone with that name his entire life. he needs to go to work, he needs to find his crew. 

he doesn’t understand what the fuck is happening. 

without his permission his legs stand him right up and he moves confusedly, surely, to the bathroom he didnt know he had. his reflection stares back at him in the mirror and its him, of course it is, he doesnt know why he expected someone else, but hes also…different. he has both function of his eyes, first of all. a scar in the same place as before but its light and healed over and doesnt seem to have blinded him like it once did. his hair is green, sure, but black roots peek out from underneath the familiar shade. hes grown stubble, he should shave. he needs to go to work. 

hes so confused, but his body moves like its been doing this its whole life. as far as zoro knows, it has. 

he continues getting ready, mind still at odds, and makes himself a cup of coffee (in his own kitchen. his own kitchen? the state of it leaves less to be desired. sanji would surely skin him alive) before tucking into his shoes, grabbing his wallet and keys and heading out the door. he seems to live in a single room apartment, and a crummy one at that. his legs move him faster, he has to go to work, he cant be late again (again?).

his car is parked outside the building, he has no fucking clue what it is but he unlocks it all the same and settles in. he feels like he shouldnt be operating this sort of machinery. franky would know better than him how it must work. he starts it up and backs out. trusting his gut to get him where he needs to be. he should be more concerned, he should be frantic and inconsolable, his captain was dead in his arms and now hes? what? going to lay some bricks or some shit? but he finds that part of him dulled in favor of following whatever mundanity this body is pushing him towards. 

uumm whatever whatever he arrives at work eventually i dont know how construction jobs work are there offices or something. idc thats not the point. johnny and yosaku are there and zoro is surprised to see them since, as far as he knows, the last time they were with each other was at arlong park which was years ago for him. but the two greet him like this is a daily occurence, like theyve been working together for years. and zoro thinks, knows, they must have. but this is good, this is great fucking news actually because until now theres been no confirmation if zoro was here alone (wherever “here” is) but now his proof is right in front of him because if johnny and yosaku are here, and they exist the same as from before, then that must mean everyone else is here too right? he clings onto this hope with both hands trembling. 

nami, usopp, the cook and chopper and robin and franky, brook, jinbe and fuck. fuck, luffy. theyve got to be here somewhere, zoro just has to find them. hes not sure if they remember things like he does but hes got to try because they are his as much as he has always been theirs and they should all exist together as it has always been. 

so then yeah he finishes his shift because its what hes ‘supposed’ to do but he doesnt go home. he drives around aimlessly before pulling into a random lot and pulling out his phone (theres no snail attached to it. weird.) he doesnt even know where to begin. hes not usually the one coming up with plans, he just goes where theres blood need to be shed. but no one seems to be in any danger here except for maybe himself, and its not like he has his swords anyway- shit. fuck did he still have wado? he must have right? he knows there was a kuina that existed here too, he knows because he remembers. and she, well she wasnt around anymore so he must have wado. he must. with shaking fingers he pushes that aside for now, though barely. he needs to find luffy, but he wouldnt even know where to start. luffy could probably find the rest of their crew by simply wandering around and happening upon them, thats how he did it before. but zoro has no idea where he’d be, he doesnt even know where he is. nami or robin would be a good bet to at least form a plan, but he wouldnt know how to find them either. 

is there even a coco village here? would robin still be part of baroque works? he needs someone who has a defined location that he could google or something (what the hell is google?). usopp would be at syrup village right? shit. is there even a drum island? these are all too broad, he needs something specific. specific…..a place with an identifiable name, somewhere smaller that would be easier to stake out…

a lightbulb goes off. 

fucking shit he thinks. of course. of fucking course it would come down to the cook. 

he types in “baratie” to his maps and a location pops up, just 27 minutes from where he is now. he hasnt eaten yet either, so he figures thats killing two birds with one stone. he taps the address, backs out of the lot and drives. 

(if it takes him nearly an hour to get there thats nobodys business but his own)

he pulls up to the building about a quarter after 7. it seems packed enough already, but if memory serves him right then that was just par for the course for baratie. he parks, gets out and locks his car, then shoves his hands in his pocket and resigns himself to another oncoming migraine hes sure to get upon interacting with the man hes certain is waiting somewhere inside. 

the tables are full, the host tells him, he slips a 20 from his wallet and suddenly (of course) theyre more than willing to serve him. 

he gets settled in a far and somewhat isolated booth and a waiter comes up to him, but he cuts the man off as hes introducing himself and says “you got a blonde working here? stupid ass side part with a weird eyebrow? goes by sanji” the waiter looks shocked and put off by his rudeness but quickly collects himself and says “we might. depends on whos asking” zoro snorts “just tell him hes got someone who wants to talk to him,” he cringes at this next part, tries to smile but knows it comes off as a sneer. hes not sure if he still has conquerors haki wherever he happens to be now, but he tries to channel that energy the same way he would if he were in battle and says “tell him im a fan.” the waiters eyes widen, in fear or surprise zoros not sure (most likely a mix of both) before he nods and scurries across the floor, weaving in between patrons and coworkers alike until he disappears behind the double doors to the kitchen. 

zoro sits with his arms crossed and skims through the menu out of boredom and impatience. its a couple minutes before he sees a familiar head of blonde hair emerge from across the way. a smile climbs onto his face despite himself. sure, the guy annoyed him to hell and back and their…friendship (if you could really call it that) was a tumultuous one, but it was good to see someone familiar nonetheless. he schools his expression before the blonde can spot him. a few moments pass before hes standing right in front of zoro, his stupid suit primped and pressed as always, and a cautious look on his face. 

“you asked for me?” his tone is the one he only reserves for men who he deems not worth his time. zoro grits his teeth but says “yeah, theres something ive gotta discuss with you.” 

hes never been one for tact, forever blunt unlike his swords. 

sanji quirks a brow “i dont plan on talking about anything with anyone unless theyre a paying customer” zoro feels his eyebrow twitch but grabs his menu nonetheless and points to a random item without looking “i’ll have this then, and whatever booze you got.” sanji leans in to see what hes pointing to before his one visible eye widens and a grin slowly overtakes his previously unaffected face. 

he speaks condescendingly. “wonderful choice sir, coming right up.” before zoro can get another word in he grabs the menu out of his hand, spins on his heel, and marches back to the kitchen. 

zoro clenches his fists and does his best not to grind his teeth into a fine dust. no matter where they are or what displacement in time the fucking curly brow never fails to be absolutely insufferable. at least this way though, zoro knows its him for real. 

its another 20 minutes before the shit cook reemerges from the back with a platter and a mug in his hand. he steps up to zoros table and places the plate and cup down in front of him with a smug look. zoro has no idea what the fuck hes looking at on his plate. he doesnt have time to question it before sanji plops down in the booth seat across from him, disregarding all previous faux-professionale and asking “so what do you want” zoro tears his eyes away from his plate and looks into sanji’s, trying to convey as much emotion, as much urgency as he possibly can. 

“luffy needs us. and we have to find him” whatever the cook was expecting him to say, it definitely wasnt that. the other man regards him more warily now, looking him up and down with a tense frown before replying “i dont know what the hell youre talking about. and i dont appreciate being mocked or having my time wasted” he goes to stand up but zoro grabs his wrist, yanking him back down unceremoniously. 

he blinks before rounding back on zoro, flaring his nostrils in a way zoro knows means hes about to get himself in deep shit “oi, what the fuck do you think youre-“ he doesnt let him finish “im not mocking you. this isnt some stupid prank or whatever youre thinking. and despite how much i would enjoy punching your teeth in right now im not looking for a fight either.” 

the cook still looks affronted but seems to actually be listening. zoro continues “look, i dont know what the fuck is going on. i was at laughtale with you and the others, with luffy, and then i woke up and now im here and i dont know how but this is all wrong. its all wrong but i need to find luffy and fuck, i cant do it alone. i need your help to find him. find everyone.” the blondes eye is wide, but he blinks and its gone. he looks more tired than zoro has ever seen him 

“im not paid enough for this shit. i dont know why i even-“ he looks like hes getting ready to leave again but zoro is desperate at this point so he blurts out whatever he thinks will convince the other man hes not bullshitting.

“we met you here, at the baratie. me and nami and usopp and luffy. luffy busted through one of your walls so your old man punished him by making him wash dishes. i dont, i dont know what luffy said to you, or how he convinced you to join us, but he changed your life like he did mine. we sailed together, and we had each others backs no matter how much we got on each others nerves. you were our cook. i was our swordsman. luffy was our captain and youd do anything to help him, i know you would, same as me. youre a pervert and an asshole and a damn annoyance, but youre strong. i could still kick your ass though” if the cook’s eyebrow could go any higher hes sure itd be clear off his forehead by now. 

“and you- your dream. you wanted to find the all blue.” he stalls there, engine sputtering. zoro doesnt know what else to say, so he snaps his mouth shut. 

the blonde is still gaping at him like a fish, but he mouths the phrase “all blue” like hes been searching for it his whole life, like he always knew but just never had the words. 

he blinks. 

then he blinks again, rapidly. there are tears pooling in his eyes. his mouth flaps for a moment before he seems to finally be able to push out words. 

“you- zoro?” he sounds small. he sounds hopeful. zoro grins. 

“yeah, yeah its me.” sanji stares at him a moment, then looks around, as if hes seeing everything with clear eyes for the very first time. zoro figures he might as well be. 

“holy shit. holy shit.” 

zoro laughs, a rough thing. theres a ball in his throat that he cant seem to dislodge. “nice to have you back, curly brow” sanji’s gaze snaps back to him before he scowls and tries wiping away the tears that are now streaking down his cheeks. its useless though, it seems they cant stop. zoro laughs again at the sorry state of the asshole in front of him, this time more full and genuine. he feels so relieved he doesnt know what to do with himself. 

“yeah yeah, whatever dick head.” sanji grumbles. zoro quiets down, glances away, lets him have his moment. “fuck, mosshead, im still on the clock and you unload all this on me? how the hell am i supposed to finish the rest of my shift?” his words are sharp but he doesnt sound angry at all. in fact, when zoro turns back to look, hes smiling. 

“you remember now though, dont you?” he has to be sure. 

“what does it look like, dumbass? think im tearin’ up cuz of pollen or some shit?” the cook rolls his eye. theyre both silent for a moment, trapped in their own heads, before he speaks up again. “so, what now?” zoro doesnt even have to think before he answers “we find everyone else, obviously.” “well no shit, but how?” zoro glances to the side. “i was hoping youd figure that out” sanji stares before bursting out laughing. zoro scowls and hunches into his shoulders. 

“of course!” sanji cackles “of course your dumbass wouldnt know what to do! you probably just typed in the most recognizable place you could remember and hoped one of us would be there!” zoro doesn’t answer, because yes thats what he fucking did, but it worked didnt it? he doesnt see whats so funny. 

“fuck you.” 

he wants nothing more than to bash that smarmy mouth in, but the familiar egging settles something in his soul. sanji gasps a few breaths before calming down, now wiping tears from his eyes for a completely different reason. 

“alright alright, well lets figure this out then, yeah? we figure out how we got here then we can figure out how to get back right? simple enough” 

zoro nods, “law was-“ he stops. remembers dull eyes and clammy skin and wrong wrong wrong. he shakes his head, “no, no we cant” sanji looks at him confused. 

“we cant go back,” zoro presses, “not until i fix things. i promised i would” the other man seems to pick up on his panic and his mood dampens, becomes more serious. “promised what?” 

zoros never been one to sugarcoat, but now he wishes he could find a way to soften the blow hes about to deal. he inhales, pushes the breath out. says, “luffy died, sanji.” the fact the hes actually using the other mans name seems to fly right over his head in favor of the first part. “what?” zoro huffs, is he really gonna make him say it again? “luffy di-“ sanji interrupts, angry now, fists clenched and whitened from the pressure “i heard what you said. but what do you mean.” 

he doesnt want to have to tell sanji what happened, doesnt want to talk about it at all, wants to slice it up into small enough pieces that it very well may have never existed.

he told law the others wouldn't have to know, that he would make sure of it, but he's realizing now just how unrealistic that is. as much faith as zoro places in his own abilities, he's aware he's only one man.

and, he figures, if there's anyone i can trust enough to share a burden heavy as this with, might as well be the one who's strength i'd count on just as much as my own.

sanji cant help if he doesnt know what went down once they got separated at laughtale, so zoro sets his shoulders, clenches his fists, prepares himself like hes riding into a battle he knows he has no chance of winning—hes the first mate for fucks sake—and resigns himself to filling the other man in on every horrible detail

by the end, the cook looks much the same as zoro feels, pale-faced and shaky. he runs a trembling hand through his hair and clenches his eye shut. “fuck mosshead, thats…” he doesnt bother finishing, and zoro stays silent—already knowing just how much of a shitty situation it is that theyve found themselves in.

—

(btw the reason sanji was so smug about what zoro randomly chose on the menu is bc its one of their most expensive dishes. even upon regaining his memories he still makes zoro pay it cuz hes an asshole like that. business is business 😁)

uuummm i dont feel like detailing the rest basically my idea is that they work together to try and track down all the members as well as law, since hes also a part of this. i dont know how or when or in what order but i do know finding luffy would come last. so yes its zolu but for a majority of it more in spirit than anything. maybe i can throw in some luffy pov of him living with ace and sabo . he knows something is off but cant place his finger on what. he knows something is missing but hes got his brothers with him so what else could he possibly need? etc etc. you get the idea

[tinyfantasminha]

👍

[can-of-slorgs]

Finished the Seashells collection a couple of weeks ago, so I drew my girl who did it all possible.

[moe-broey]

Doodles

Low-poly Thing

Have you ever sat in a chair before.......

+ Other doodles on the same page

[halojalex]

the more i read multi-chaptered fics, especially slow burn ones, the more i feel like i lose faith in my own chaptered fic that i have yet to even start

like i don't mean this in a self-pitying way, i just feel like i don't have enough motivation to write it as well as some of the other slow-burn fics i read. it's not even like i don't like the premise, like i feel as though it could be really good if written well, i just don't have the motivation to even start it

[kikuism]

@ writer mutuals who are actually finishing their wips HOW??? what's your secret???

[katyspersonal]

I had a weird dream tonight about D fdhfdhsd

Well, as usual, my dreams are a mess of many things, but this one stood out the most. I kind of got to know him a little better and before long, I learned from him how to apply holy light to my sword to kill Those who Live in Death! He basically became my mentor figure somewhat

There was also this whole spiel about how the undeads are themselves not quite happy living like this; they lacked souls as much as the cause of their existence, but without his drive to exist. Basically, disturbed from their rightful rebirth or eternal rest, aimless. However, one undead stood out, being quite sentient and having nefarious purpose, and we were fighting him with a whole team of others! A team that'd all die if it was not for the skills D taught me earlier! And I after that searched D again to apologise to him. I clearly recall saying something like "Sorry, we were all thinking of you as just another fanatical psycho (?) revelling in "righteous" murder, and laughed at you behind your back, but I can see Those Who Live in Death are unhappy too and what you do is akin to mercy-killing". And he was actually confused because not even he quite realised until I spelled it out, but also was a bit bitter that I was speaking so lowly of him despite learning from him. He has forgiven me though but the feeling of shame was intense in the dream and I still remember it.

There was also more 'wholesome' time, closer to waking up, where we went to his "home" to have dinner and I've met his brother! The thing is, I was never able to tell them apart fdshhd I can only assume the one training me was Darian all things considered, but... you have no idea how identical they were. xD Absolutely the same. They were even pranking me using my inability to say who was who ;-; The 'one person, two bodies' effect was absurd and I basically reached the level of tossing a pillow at them in that 'stop already you guys!!!' as they were giggling at my confusion fhsdds

[torgawl]

i keep thinking about how “is this what justice means to you, answer me neuvillette”, despite having been used in a case all those hundred of years ago, was probably a question that haunted - and still haunts - neuvilette during the entire time he has been chief of justice. i keep thinking about how they highlighted his struggles through time with both carole and wriothesley's trials. how guilty and powerless neuvillette must have felt for not being able to support and save those he recognised as vulnerable and victims before a system that corrupted their fates but that he wasn't able to change despite his position. the theme of being a casualty of a system no matter if you're the victim or the perpetrator in its eyes. the way neuvillette took, in both cases, things into his own hands. even if it was too late to fix the hurting carole and those who cared for her went through, even if it was too late to save her life; even if it was impossible to change wriothesley's past, his verdict and subsequent imprisonment; neuvillette went above and beyond, making use of his influence, to allow both melusines and wriothesley the opportunity of a better future - to melusines by making sure they weren't discriminated, to wriothesley by supporting his attempt at a second chance in life. i think part of the reason he's so intriguing is our awareness that this internal conflict he's bound to have is so complex. you have a chief of justice, or a judge, that is supposed to be imparcial and follow the law stictly confronted with situations of social injustice, unable to protect those who rely on him. you have someone who understands better than anyone what it means to be an outcast, being able to relate to those who are ostracised and have their pain weaponise against them. you have, in vautrin's case, a friend who cannot even showcase his own pain and is still expected to fullfil his juridical duties despite being personally related with those involved in the case. someone who people constantly turn to but whom he feels like he has no right to turn to himself. it's about the conflict between his feelings and his duty, between what's expected of him and what he can actually do. i think that's why the end of his story quest is so emotional and why it's so heartwarming to have him realise he isn't an outcast anymore, that he has a community there for him too. because a system is a system and he will probably never be able to save everyone, because yes he isn't human, but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to belong or that an active demonstration of love towards individuals and people he can relate to rather than the theoretical concept of humanity isn't meaningful. in fact, i'd it's a lot about that, about finding ways to be kind and how community gives meaning to life; how personal relationships and targeted kindness can shape society, or at least i think so