#I actually have a lot of questions about fairy genetics

[genderlesssnake]

I just started rereading Artemis Fowl, and now I’m very confused about Lazuli’s genetics.

Spoilers for the end of The Fowl Twins book 3

So, Lazuli is supposed to be a hybrid of elf and pixie with a little bit of goblin, and at the end of the last book it was revealed that her mom was the fairy that Artemis gets the fairy bible from. Initially I thought this was really cool, but while rereading the first book I realized that her mom is a sprite? Does that mean that her dad is also a pixel with a bit of goblin, and Lazuli’s phenotype just doesn’t show any sprite traits?

I considered that maybe Artemis mistook the fairy for a sprite when she actually wasn’t, but that seems unlikely since she had green skin, which as far as I know is only a trait that sprites have.

[here-there-were-dragons]

i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that

[therosefrontier]

TWST Family Lore: Heartslabyul Part 1

As a fanfic writer, the family question has been coming up a lot for me with these guys, especially with me wanting to potentially actually write these unseen family members that get mentions thrown out there, so I started collecting information, and then, I thought I'd make a post about it! This first part is just Heartslabyul, about their family members and what we know about them (that I could find, anyways), plus some of my thoughts/guesses. This very well might not be exhaustive, but maybe if I see something more I'll add on!

That said! Spoiler warning! I am including info from various vignettes, card voicelines, and events, including JP server only cards, but I will try to avoid too many specific JP event story spoilers (which in this post is pretty much just a lot of White Rabbit). I include main story stuff from book 1 and also the first part of book 7 (which is out in EN), but nothing from the rest of book 7 which is out in JP. Which probably doesn't have anything Hearts-related anyways (I do not know)? I might be waiting for the rest of book 7 to come out before posting a Diasomnia edition to this, though...

So anyways! Let's get to it!

ACE TRAPPOLA

He has an older brother (seven years older than him, as mentioned in his school uniform vignette), whom he seems to be fairly close with. We also have mention of his dad, but so far, as far as I can tell, there is mention of no one else. He does mention his parents in the plural once: in his ceremonial robes voicelines, he says that "I think my brother was happier than my parents when we found out I made it into this school." We also know that his brother was a student at NRC himself and was also in Heartslabyul, which may very well be one reason for his enthusiasm at his little brother getting into the same school. At the freshmen orientation ceremony, Ace shows no surprise to getting chosen for Heartslabyul, assuming that he'd end up in the same place as his brother (Ace robes vignette).

But first, Ace's dad! He gets mentioned in his birthday boy vignette. He is not a mage (implying that, perhaps, Ace and his brother get their magic from their mom's side? As it does appear to be a genetic thing of some sort according to some mentions, but also, it can skip generations, as is seen with Epel), but he is really good at old-fashioned magic of the sleight-of-hand variety. When asked what got Ace into sleight of hand by Yuu for the birthday interview, he says it'd be his dad, who was "ridiculously good" at it.

(image credit: Songstress Studios)

Ace goes on to say that he learned the "nuts and bolts" of it from his brother, whom he believes was also inspired by their dad, and he also says that whenever he visits home, he and his brother will show off to each other and challenge each other to spot the trick!

Ace also talks about his brother in relation to learning tricks in his dorm uniform vignette. He shows sleight of hand tricks to his dormmates, and when Riddle shows surprise and awe over the 'pick a card' trick he's definitely never seen before, Ace says that he reacted in pretty much the same way when his brother first showed it to him. When asked about his brother, Ace says that he "started playing around with cards for funsies" while he was a student, and Ace later learned from him, but not directly. He never gave away the secret, but Ace learned by watching him. (And he learned well, too! Ace has been shown to be very good at this, also coming up notably in the Fairy Gala IF event, for instance).

(image credit: RedAngel)

Earlier, Cater had asked Ace to show him the secret, and Ace made a deal with him for it since he'd never do it for free, and after hearing Ace's story, Cater guesses that Ace's mentality of never giving away anything for free could have come from his brother.

It also seems that Ace's brother was absolutely the type to tease him. In his birthday boy vignette, Ace tells a story of how on his birthday, his brother gave him a box with a fancy watch inside, which got Ace all excited, but then he clarifies that the watch was *his* watch, not Ace's. Ace's gift was the box. His brother afterwards fills the box with candy, but Ace was not amused.

And in other notes:

He is bad at cooking, according to Ace, who says he "doesn't know a cake from a steak" (school uniform vignette).

He taught Ace how to "kill time in the dorms" (school uniform vignette).

He took a theme park management internship in his fourth year at NRC, and he's continued to work there after graduation (Book 7, Chapter 4).

(Also, this thing about the theme park might be a reference, maybe?? In the Tokyo DisneySea park, there was this "villain recruiters" show that ran from 2015 to 2018, featuring original minions of various Disney villains who would make a pitch to invite guests to join the "Villains' World," and there was a Queen of Hearts card soldier character named Jack Heart, whose costume design does resemble Heartslabyul's! And he does the heart thing with his hands like Ace does in his official art! So, might have been inspiration? Anyways, this tumblr post by ceeyuin666 has a nice summary of it so there).

Anyhow, back on track and back to the school uniform vignette, Ace mentions how before he came to NRC, his brother would "take him about everywhere," which does seem to imply they spent a lot of time together, and he also seems to have been a big influence on Ace. For better or worse :). In this vignette, Ace does a favor for Trey in exchange for a slice of cherry tart, when tips for the history test were what he really wanted, a second motive Trey totally expected, and when asked if he was lying about loving cherries so much, Ace said that he wasn't: his brother told him "the most convincing lies are sprinkled with a dash of truth." Knowing Ace, Trey is not surprised.

(anyways I really want to meet this guy so please Ace hometown event please!!)

DEUCE SPADE

(translation credit to Ekala on Youtube!)

He has no siblings and was raised by his single mother, whom we have actually met! In the JP server, anyways! She shows up in Deuce's hometown event, the White Rabbit Festival. So, we have a name! Meet Dilla Spade (or Dilah? Dira? Deela?)! Romanization isn't clear yet; I'll just say "Dilla" for now. Also, we find out she's a delivery truck driver for the thematically-named White Rabbit Delivery company.

Deuce is shown to have been very close to his mom growing up, noticeable enough to the point that his old middle school friends teased him for it and called him "childish" (starsending vignette). We find early on that this is an important part to his story—when Deuce was in middle school, he was acting like a delinquent: skipping school, disrespecting teachers, being reckless and getting into fights. Then, one night, he overheard his mom talking to his grandma (only mention of his grandma that I know of, but, noted that she's in the picture too!), and he could tell that she was crying. She was feeling like a failure of a mother, and said that "maybe she never should have tried to raise him herself." Deuce, however, doesn't blame her at all. Seeing her like that really shook him up, and he resolved to "never do anything to make her cry" again. This is his motivation for wanting to be an honor student; he wants to be the opposite of what he was before and prove himself. He wants to be "someone she can be proud of."

As far as I know, we don't have any mention of Deuce's father or what happened to him. From context and with what his mom said on the phone that day, she might have been a single parent from the start, with the father never being in the picture.

Deuce, in talking to Silver during Silver's Wish in the Starsending event upon Silver mentioning his father in his wish, talks about his mom and how she raised him as a single parent, saying "I know she's had her share of hard times... So I just want her to be happy now. I'd love for her to live a long life." In chapter 10 of the event, Deuce wishes to be a police officer, specifically a magic marshal, which is a hard job to get, saying that he is "sure my mom will worry a lot less if I get a respectable job." He also talks about this in his event vignette! He reveals that upon getting a bad reputation at home, people stopped trusting him, and they'd accuse him of things he didn't do, but if he said he didn't do it, there were always two people who believed him: his mom and the neighborhood police officer. The officer would always come by to talk to him and hear him out, and both he and his mom were very grateful for that. Deuce says that if he could be like that, maybe his mother wouldn't worry so much, so he decided that he wanted to be a police officer.

At the end of the event, in chapter 12, Dilla calls Deuce in excitement over the falling stars in the sky. In response to Deuce saying that yes he saw it, because he's a Stargazer, his mom replies that "Night Raven College couldn't have asked for a finer Stargazer than you." And she says she's proud of him and it's really sweet :)

And then he starts crying happy tears :)

Anyways! Deuce's character arc can be a whole essay in itself, so back to his mom! Some of the stories we got include:

"Battlefield" Sales Shopping. Dilla would bring Deuce with her when shopping limited-time sales, which she seemed to seek out actively. Deuce recounts spending "forever" thumbing through pamphlets looking for sales, and Dilla would then coax him into coming with her, saying things like "Deuce is so strong, and can carry a lot." Deuce remembers getting shoved around a lot by the other customers, and so, he takes his sales quite seriously today (school uniform vignette, new year's vignette).

Spring cleaning! Or, winter cleaning? Dilla and Deuce would go on a cleaning frenzy after the holidays and before the new year, because “if the house is clean, we’ll feel renewed too” (new year’s voicelines)

In his apprentice chef vignette, Deuce recalls how recently, his mom got sick with a cold but didn't tell him until she was better. This made Deuce sad, because he wished she would depend on him a little more when she was struggling, so he was motivated to learn to cook so he could be more dependable.

Also in his apprentice chef vignette, Deuce says that he did help his mom "a little" with cooking back home and knew how to dice vegetables, and the ghost chef was impressed by his skills! So she seems to have taught him well.

In her own words she claims that she is not very good at cooking, but she does know a lot of egg dishes, because Deuce likes them (White Rabbit, 2-4)

She would bring Deuce to the office sometimes, so her coworkers know him (White Rabbit, 3-10). In the event, they were a little nervous around him at first but then were surprised to find how different his behavior was now compared to middle school, and they complimented him on getting into NRC.

She made Deuce a bunny outfit for the White Rabbit Festival long ago, saying that Deuce was complaining over not having anything special to wear, and she didn't have the money to make or buy an outfit, but she asked her coworkers for some spare fluff and made it work. She looks back on this fondly, saying she was just happy to see Deuce having fun at the festival. (chapter 6)

She is great with cars, but terrible with electronics (White Rabbit Festival, birthday boy vignette). Deuce has to show her how to do stuff and recounts “fixing” home devices by simply changing the batteries, and he is the one to set up appliances at home, as she refuses to read instruction manuals. She only uses her smartphone for calls and pictures. Dilla calls cars "trusted partners" but says that electronics are too “self-important” (White Rabbit, Chapter 2-6).

In this scene, Dilla also praises Deuce in front of his friends for "fixing" so many electronic things around the house, which embarrasses Deuce as he does not think it was that big of a deal. She also mentions embarrassing stories like she knows full well what she's doing, teasing in a very affectionate kind of way.

I do wonder if Dilla dragging Deuce onto shopping trips all the time was in part her way of finding ways to spend time with him. She really seems to care about him a lot, and quality time is something that means a lot to her, but perhaps she also struggles with connecting and really getting through to him. In White Rabbit, she mentions sadly how she used to take Deuce to the festival every year, but then he lost interest. Deuce sees this as normal, but it seems there were some growing pains there.

Also on another note which I honestly just find funny, there is a point in White Rabbit where Dilla is worried about Deuce having gotten hurt, and he says it's fine because he's "used to it," and she's just like...I don't how I feel about this but I support you! (sorry Dilla, your son's a budding shounen protagonist and his school's a disaster magnet. He's going to get so used to this haha)

One more thing we really get to see from the event, Dilla definitely seems to have nerves of steel, too. Not revealing too much about what happens, she doesn't back down from this gang that is harassing her festival stall that her coworkers are terrified of, and then joins in with the idea to challenge them without hesitation. Deuce seems to allude to this when introducing Epel, saying that he thinks they'd get along because Epel has "grit and iron courage," as if he sees his mom the same way.

Going back to Deuce's story at the beginning...I feel like this is pretty significant, too. The impression I get from all of this is that she's scrappy and resourceful, strong-willed and vigorous, someone who'll keep an easy sense of humor and a smile in the face of a challenge... but also, she's someone who will bend over backwards to hide her struggles, such as when she hid her being sick with a cold from Deuce. Which is to say, she doesn't seem like the type to be brought to tears easily. This being just speculation on my part, but what if, that day Deuce overheard her on the phone, that was the first time Deuce really saw her break down like that? His mom, the strongest person he knows, the one always keeping up a smile? Although, in the background, she probably hid so many of the struggles she did have? Just saying, it'd have a lot of impact, I'd think...realizing the turmoil he put her through to get her like that...

But that said, I think it's important to note that she cares about him a lot, and she is proud of Deuce and who he's become, and I don't think that hinges at all on him becoming an honors student. Deuce struggles to try to make himself more reliable, but Dilla says as much in White Rabbit: he doesn't have to "go overboard." It doesn't have to be complicated. She just wants him to live life and be happy, simple as that. And also he could come home every once in a while, too :)

[yourpalmickeymouse]

Mickey helllo!! ☀️ how long has it been since I was here the last time? (The last time I asked you was… months ago haha!) I’ve been busy with my life and well, let’s just say a lot has happened to me! 😄

Okay enough about me, I wanna ask you something, it’s actually have to do about well. Your height (if that’s okay for me to ask!),

Do you get tired of being small? I can feel not many people would take you seriously for your size or would make fun of you height for laughs… (is it also a genetic thing in your family where your relatives are also the same height as you?)

But to me, I don’t think you’re small at all. Physically yes but I know deep down you have a big heart that would never stop trying to help the people they care and cherish the most! :D (that’s all I got Mickey, it’s great to be back here once again! I’ll be sure to stop by again pal!)☀️

Hiya Sunny,

It's swell to hear back from you again. It has been quite a while, hasn't it? Though to be honest, I've also been pretty busy with all these crooks runnin' around Mouseton. Sometimes it feels like they're tryin' to break a world record on the most amount of crime they can commit within a couple of months. It's real annoyin'.

As for your question... ha... I was wonderin' when this would pop up. Don't worry 'bout askin'. I love answerin' 'em all. 😊

When it comes to my height, I guess I could see why someone would see it as a flaw. To be honest, the world I live in doesn't always seem to have people of my height in mind. Outside of havin' a heck of a time gettin' a car where I can reach the pedals, I have to bring my own stool whenever I go to the market since whatever I want is always, always, on the highest shelves. It's real annoyin' at times. But there are benefits too. If anythin' I think it offers me a bit of unique perspective that not a lot of people get. Sometimes I feel like I can be a bit more agile and fit into places most others can't. Also if I can't find something I like in the men's section of the clothing store I can always go to the kid's section and find somethin' there, ha ha. The clothes are usually cooler there anyway.😉

I think with the right mindset, you can do anything no matter what size you are.

As for where it comes from, it's definitely genetic but also very random. My Uncle Jeremy is short like me and yet my sister and Aunt Melinda are tall. I guess it would seem only the men in my family seem to be short, but based on past family reunions, that doesn't always hold up. To be honest it seems to vary wildly in mice in general. Even Minnie's family can be all over the place. It kinda makes me wonder if there's a size fairy that goes around to all the baby mice, randomly decidin' whether to make them short or tall🧚. Ha ha, Wouldn't that be funny? Maybe I should see if they can make a last-minute change.

Though seriously, as I said before, my height doesn't really bother me. Or at least it doesn't now. I'd like to say that it hasn't caused me any problems outside of high shelves... but that would be a lie. As you mentioned, I've definitely been ridiculed or not taken seriously for my height sometimes. I feel like I'm constantly havin' to prove myself and show that I'm more than capable of doin' what someone a little taller can.

Sometimes there's an advantage in people's underestimatin' ya, at least when I'm fightin' bad guys. But when I was younger and had lower confidence, it would really get to me. I remember readin' or hearin' somwhere 'bout how you could grow real tall if you eat a bunch of yams. So I used my allowance to buy a ton of yams and started eatin' 'em all in one sittin'. Of course, it didn't work and all I got was really sick. But after a nice talk with my sister and my aunt, I learned that nothin' was wrong with my size and I'm fine just the way I am. A bit cliché, but a much-needed message I still keep close to my heart.

Talkin' 'bout hearts, I appreciate you sayin' I have a big one. I definitely do try my best when it comes to carin' about others and makin' the world a better place. And ya know what, I think that's what really matters. We can't pick our own size, but we can pick the size of the positive impact we make on the world.

Thanks a bunch for the questions. I hope to see ya real soon.

- M.M.

[turquoisephoenix]

Character Bios for Gallowmere's Merry Band of Doomed-By-The-Narrative Losers

This was going to be under this picture right here, but this got kinda long. Just want to reiterate that these are all just headcanons.

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Sir Daniel Wigginbottom Fortesque IV

Daniel is many things. He's the eldest son but youngest child of Lord Cedric Fortesque. He comes from a long line of knights and noblemen dating back centuries. His lineage can be traced back to 10 different European countries. And he just so happened to lose the genetic lottery in so many different ways with his awkward, gangly proportions, gargantuan height, and various "brain deficiencies" (aka ADHD and autism centuries before their discovery) that led several people in the courts to call him fae-touched or a changeling behind his back. The bad teeth is a Fortesque trait though, so at least Cedric knows that he's his son.

In a time of peace, Daniel didn't really have any pressure to make something of himself by his family and has spent most of his life jumping from job to job - from stablehand to scribe to pigeonry - in a vague attempt to appear useful. Despite having a very high education and being able to read and write, people tend to write him off as a simpleton because he has zero skill in reading social cues, especially in the courts. Many a banquet have been ruined because Daniel panicked.

He means well, but I'd be lying if I said he couldn't be bratty at times. Easy to please, but also easy to irritate. Can easily fall in love and be a loyal partner, can also easily hold a grudge and has several enemies in the court. Has a passion for storytelling and accidentally buys into his own hype because he knows enough about stories to pick up on Themes and CLEARLY he's meant for something...

Canny Tim

Once part of a relatively minor noble house that resided in the castle town of Gallowmere, Tim ran away from home to go live in a relatively non-enchanted part of the forest to work as a King's forester, rejecting both his house and his name. He has a passion for archery, and he will admit that he's partially motivated by spite after his father told him that arrows were not a pastime fitting for a lady.

To most of Gallowmere, Canny Tim seemingly popped into existence during the 49th Gallowmere Games and got top prize in all the archery categories. Sir Daniel has known him for a lot longer since they had some of the same tutors and has said that actually, Canny Tim is just so good at his job as a elite archer that he blended into the crowds and has no public records listed under a different name please don't ask me anymore questions bye.

Once went on a merry quest one summer to hunt down rare mushrooms in the Enchanted Forest for a pumpkin witch's brew to "redistribute fat in the chest area", so don't worry about him going to the Hall of Heroes in a binder, goodness no.

Wartilda, Daughter of Wartilda of the Pumpkin Gorge

As the daughter of the previous Pumpkin Witch of Pumpkin Gorge, Wartilda pretty much knew what she was going to do from the moment she was able to grow a fine gourd in the corner of her room at the tender age of two and she's quite fine with that. Pumpkins are a very agreeable population and most people tend to get on her nerves.

The witches of Pumpkin Gorge tend to marry shepherds or pig farmers, so no one knows how Wartilda managed to lure in the only son of a noble Gallowmere family such as Cedric Fortesque's son, who had to be saved after he and his horse got lost in the woods, nearly got eaten by a giant spider after bullied by a pack of fairies, and had to consume an entire pumpkin pie to calm himself down. A connection was made that day as this gangly idiot realized that he could be Himself around her away from the judging eyes of the courts AND eat steaming pumpkin pie at the same time. She thinks he's cute.

Like Dan, Wartilda has known Canny Tim for longer than the records have shown a Canny Tim living in Gallowmere. She's the one that brews his potions of masculinity, even if it means that she has to put up with Canny Tim's lame gourd-themed dick and balls jokes in the process.

Wartilda has an older sister, who has very low opinions of Dan, didn't like the fact that the two of them were seriously talking about marriage, and often says things like "he's uglier than a horse's butt" and "that loser's gonna die in the Battle of Gallowmere". They were meant in jest but that second one caused Wartilda to have a screaming match with her at Dan's funeral and it's said their relationship never fully recovered...

[starcchild]

@thenexusofsouls

Before Carter could defend her team and launch into a whole speech about how she crafted her team to have a balance between physical and special attackers, and how she had a variety of types with each having a move to cover a missing type, her father spoke again, and she immediately gave a crooked grin. A cocky glint flashing through her eyes. "Of- of course my team is- is perfectly balanced," she retorted - her grin somehow only growing even wider. "Be-because, y'know, I- I have good gen-genetics and a- a good upbringing and all." That was way too good not to toss back at him. "And, if- if Poké-Pokémon ever decides to- to allow players to- to do a spee-speech after beating the game, I'll- I'll be sure to- to mention you."

It felt good to be bantering with her father over something like Pokémon. It was fun, it was silly, and it kept him distracted by her horrible blunder of throwing herself under the bus when it came to Basch. Because anything was a better conversation than her romantic ineptitude.

However, as Tony quickly pulled FRIDAY onto his side, Carter feigned a look of shock, and placed a hand over her heart dramatically. As if actually offended the AI didn't side with her. "FRIDAY!" she whined, "c'mon, you- you gotta help me- me out here!"

"No can do," FRIDAY replied. "As Mr. Stark said, I signed an NDA--"

"You don-don't have a- a contract!" Carter pointed at her father with faux accusation - barely fighting back her laugh. "Dad, c'mon, you- you gotta give me- me something here! You- you can't let FRI-FRIDAY back you- you up all the- the time!"

But, of course, the conversation quickly turned back to Basch, and she felt her face flush all over again. She cleared her throat roughly and took quite an interest in her bracelet as she studied each planetary bead, as if it would somehow change the topic. Because-- "I'm- I'm aware," she mumbled as another rush of heat rose into her face. Yes, she was aware that Basch was eleven years her senior, and that still didn't change how she felt. If anything, admitting aloud she knew just made her all the more eager to get away. Even despite her father's insistence that their conversation needed a lot more closure. Because it really didn't.

The return to Pokémon was a welcomed relief, and Carter let out a tsk in response. "Wig-Wigglytuffs are fine, but there- there are better fairy- fairy types," she pointed out. "Like- like Sylveon. Syl-Sylveon is the best. That and- and Toge-Togekiss." And as soon as her father started to talk about his team as if they were the Avengers, she couldn't help but grin once more. "Sooo, I'm- I'm gonna take that as a- as a yes that self-de- self-destruct happened at least once," she laughed. "And I- I say mess with- with it because you mi-might find some-something better. Have you- you tried Sylveon? Because you- you should."

Maybe Sylveon was her favorite. But he didn't need to know she had one on each team she made ever since it had been introduced.

And, although Basch was brought to focus once more... Carter's flustered state wasn't enough to ruin her mood. Though she really wanted to redirect back to Pokémon. Because it was fun, and far less tease-worthy than her crushes. And a far less awkward now that Tony was trying to be helpful about it, because she could hardly admit it to herself, and really didn't want to admit it to her father. Especially not when it was someone who more or less worked for him.

Ignoring the urge to sink into the floor, Carter kept her gaze focused once more on her bracelet, and failed to come up with a way to try and stop herself from blushing still. But then her father was asking if Basch was interested in her, or if she talked to him about it, and she snapped her head up and stared at Tony like he grew another head. Her silent question coming across loud and clear: Why the fuck would I do that?

Because, frankly, getting a tooth pulled sounded far better than talking to Basch about how she felt. Because, at least then, she knew what to expect. There would be a set outcome, and she wouldn't have to address the real reason as to why she was so reluctant to even entertain the idea of telling Basch how she felt. Because... that meant addressing why she was reluctant to be in a relationship with anyone. And she didn't want to ruin how much fun she'd been having with her father.

Yet, despite the knot in her chest, she did well to hide it, and simply shrugged awkwardly. Still as flustered as ever. "I- I think he's char-charming," Carter mumbled, and twisted the bracelet around her wrist as she felt even her ears begin to burn. Goddammit. As if it wasn't embarrassing enough. "He's- he's... I- I don't know. He's- he's sweet. It's- it's easy to be a-around him." Though... truthfully, she wasn't quite sure as to why she liked him as much as she did. She... didn't even realize she had been falling for him until it hit her like a train one day, and that was really only because Theo began teasing her about her crush, and she realized he was right. But she loved Basch's company. She loved spending time with him and talking to him about anything and everything. He was kind and gentle, and he had a big heart. He was always good to her, and as a bonus, Kenobi seemed to like him more than her. Which was almost insulting, if it weren't for the fact her dog still wouldn't be cooperative with Basch when it came to fetch. Though, even then, Kenobi wasn't exactly cooperative when it came to fetch with anyone other than her...

But that was beside the point. Because... she felt comfortable being with Basch. She felt safe around him, and... she wasn't sure if she could tell that to her father.

Carter shrugged again. "I- I don't know. I'm- I'm not... really loo-looking to get into a- a relationship any-anyway. I- I think it's just a- a passing crush." She did her best to ignore how the knot felt worse saying that.

@starcchild

“Balanced perfectly? Oh come on, everyone’s team has flaws. Except for mine, but I don’t expect everyone to be as perfect as me all the time, it’s an exhausting job,” Tony said. He was joking of course, but it felt good to have this idle banter with his daughter, even if it was over Pokémon. “Oh really? One go, huh? Well, since you’re my daughter, I could take some credit for that. Good genetics. Good upbringing. Really, it was my excellent parenting that led you to your crowning achievement of crushing the Champion in so thorough a manner,” he said. Now he was just flat out bullshitting. It felt really good, though.

“Hey, no, leave FRIDAY out of this. She’s… you know, she’s- I’m sure she’s signed some kind of digital non-disclosure agreement somewhere…” he rambled. FRIDAY absolutely knew about his Pokémon team. He’d asked her to calculate various probabilities of battle outcomes on multiple occasions. “FRIDAY don’t you tell her anything.”

“I’m staying out of this one, boss,” FRIDAY promptly replied.

“See? She likes me better,” Tony said tauntingly to Carter, with the air of a little child on a playground sticking it to one of his friends.

As Carter began to run at the mouth about Basch, however, Tony’s hands slipped into his pants pockets and he grinned knowingly. “You wouldn’t care so much about explaining away what I was implying if it wasn’t true,” he said, grinning even wider. “Biologically speaking, he’s thirty-six. Actually. In case he hasn’t fessed up to that. Which is… yeah, that’s a bit older than you.” Then she was saying she had to go and Tony was quick to disagree. “Ohhhh no, this is too good, you can’t just walk away. This conversation deserves a lot more closure than that.”

He nodded as she blurted out her disbelief at his team lineup. “Yes, wigglytuffs. Hey, don’t knock ‘em ‘til you’ve tried ‘em. I do teach them metronome, it’s a very effective tactic.” When she asked about self-destruct, he blinked. “I’m sorry, that’s classified information. I can’t disclose that, it’ll compromise the safety and integrity of the team…” he said, talking about his Pokémon as if they were the Avengers themselves. “You don’t need variety, if something works, you stick with it. Why mess with success?”

Tony knew he had her now. He’d given her something, and it was something she thought for sure he wasn’t going to divulge, so now she had to give a little back. When she finally gave him what he was looking for, he pointed at her in an animated fashion. “Aha! I knew it!” he said, but then he actually tried to be less gloating and more helpful. “Well, okay, so… is he interested back, I mean have you… talked to him about it? You really don’t find him kinda boring? I actually think he’s even more goody two-shoes than Cap. At least he doesn’t hound me for my use of expletives. Ol’ Lancelot seems to not even know what the F-bomb even means, so… there’s that. Anyway… so uh… how come? What about him do you like?” Tony asked, trying to be a helpful dad in getting her to talk through her emotions and sort things out a bit.

[prof-peach]

The post about Reggie raises an interesting question. How does evolution interact with disability in pokemon? Evolution involves rapid cellular regeneration and generation of mass, so would that repair a disabled pokemon? Or do they just evolve with their disability intact? Like, if a Machoke loses an arm and then evolves into a Machamp, would it regrow up to 4, or would it still have 3?

This is quite a deep topic, and the short answer is that each species will have a different amount of damage that can be repaired upon evolution. 

For example, a bug or plant pokemon, on average, will be capable of regrowing whole limbs, restoring senses, even mutating past what is common due to evolution (ie, unusual colourations, MORE legs and arms, or a heightened sense to make up for a lesser one). We see significant repair in these species due to their cell types and the nature of their species, often encasing in caccoons or sleeping through long winters to not only evolve, but regain lost strength. Just recently we’ve seen a Roselia with none of its typical roses evolve, and suddenly sprout beautiful flowers as a Roserade. Equally so, Treeko have slowly been shown to regrow limbs over time, but more prominently will replace lost arms or legs upon evolution should they have the energy and stores to do so. Usually this leaves them with some scars, or a join where the old and new tissue meets, but they do repair. As for bug types, their metamorphosis is usually a sudden burst of stored energy, and in a lot of cases the pokemon will shed skin, or literally develop a secondary body within the shell of its original one, regrowing lost parts.  

This process is however not the same for more, hm, whats the word...fleshy? no, thats not right. Mammalian? maybe. “Ordinary” isn't quite right either. However its described, pokemon with more traditional cell structure are less likely to repair fully upon evolution. With the case of Reggie, he’s a Rockruff, and pretty straight forward in terms of evolution. Theres no real regenerative cells within him, and his body is not built to hold energy long term to put into evolution in one burst, its more of an accumulative energy gain over longer amounts of time, no shedding of cells, no real ability to regrow things. Should he decide to evolve it would be highly unlikely that he would regain his back legs, BUT his evolution may have differences to help him with his balance, or give him a heightened sense of smell or hearing to give him a boost for his chances of survival. Ive also seen evolution with cases like his not regrow body parts, but at least heal nerve endings. Some loss can result in pain, damaged cells and the likes can cause discomfort. A lot of evolution can fix that, and its common to see pokemon who are uncomfortable after serious injury become less aggravated by pains and aches as they grow. When explored medically we do see a difference in those nerve endings before and after evolution, and its quite evident that they do reform and repair upon the change. 

Like i said at the start, each pokemon will handle evolution with prior injury differently. While some can lose eyes and ears and never regrow them even with the process, others will come back with a whole new set. Scars and damaged tissues do lessen and heal, but not every pokemon will lose them all together. Dragon pokemon have a habit of highlighting the scars they gain as youngsters, as an intimidation tactic. They may look larger or worse, but they are in fact better healed, just more prominent. In this typing it seems to give Dragons a meaner look, and often rival pokemon will dodge those who have taken serious wounds and survived, deeming them very strong and difficult to down.

As opposed to the dragons, Fairy types are linked very strongly to healing and regeneration, holding much mystery and beauty in their actions and appearances. Though they may lose limbs, they don’t often retain scarring, and evolving tends to repair any lost senses. 

This whole type based evolutionary healing gets even more complicated when we look at pokemon who are dual type. A grass-fairy pokemon such as Morelull can, and will regain limbs, as well as negate scars. While a Dragon-ground type like Vibrava actually heals all scars and also missing limbs, not something dragon pokemon do often. 

You mentioned Machamp and its many arms, and this is something i’ve seen a few trainers handling. They tend to have 3 arms, not 4, if they lose an arm in a prior evolution. The body they once had was hatched/born or evolved to have 2 arms, losing one doesn't change that, it simply means they lost one afterwards, but the cells at the start still generated to have a pair. once evolved they add two more arms, doesn't matter what number they had before, even if its none, we've seen Machamp with just two arms because of this. The species also can have defects upon hatching/birth, and even carry these issues on through evolution, ending up as a Machamp with no arms, who have to focus their attention to kicking and using their feet for tasks. 

Though evolution is a bit mysterious, theres definitely a pattern to it depending on a pokemons typing. some groups have a real advantage while others do not, and a lifetime of adapting and overcoming things like missing arms or legs can push a pokemon to evolve in new and unusual ways to enhance its chance of survival, and allow it to live a far more adaptive life, should its cells and genetics allow for this. We find pokemon have just as many physical differences as us humans, and can live full and very happy lives even without their standard forms. 

Its worth noting, the examples given here are averages, there is every chance that a pokemon will evolve differently based on its genetics, lifestyle, and even things like immune systems and heritage. Oddly enough though, Grass pokemon are sometimes perfect candidates for limb transplants, which seems to be something very unusual when talking about missing parts, no other group seems to share this ability.

I could just keep going on about this but honestly its so broad, with over 800 species, all of which able to tolerate and handle different things, i’d need specifics to go into further detail about an individual species ability to evolve and heal, or not in some cases. 

[jadequeen88]

Crimson Canopy

The last thing you thought you’d be doing that day was seducing a god-like, mythical creature... 

PAIRING: Harpy!Hawks x Female!Reader

TRIGGER WARNINGS: oral/penetrative sex, praise kink (if you squint), wing kink, (it’s all pretty vanilla)

AS WITH ALL MY WORK THIS IS NSFW. ABSOLUTELY NO MINORS PLS

This is an AU with no quirks. Humans live a long side mythical races and creatures that they abuse for the most part. You’re part of a secret organization that saves and protects them. 

**************************************************************

Sweat dripped into your eyes as you reached the top of the trail. Panting, you wiped it away with the back of your hand. Wishing (not for the first time today) you’d gotten your ass out of bed earlier so you’d be out of the afternoon heat, you take a long drink from your insulated water bottle. You knew you had patrol duty today, but you still thought it was a good idea to stay up trying to drown your depression with bourbon.

As your breathing slowed, you pull out your phone to see a new message.

Bre: “Done yet? It’s really hot out! Did you find anyone/thing that was injured?”

You: “Not done yet. Got a late start. No sign of any traps set off so far. I’ll text when I’m done.”

Bre: “Good news! Stay safe :)”

You slide your phone back into the pocket of your cargo pants and sit on a nearby stump. From this vantage point, you could use your binoculars to scan the wooded valley below for anyone who needed help.

As you scanned the area, a thought you’d had a million times before flirted through your brain. “I really am disgusted by my own species most days.” If humans weren’t so ruthless, greedy, and arrogant, you wouldn’t have to be out here in the first place.

You were part of a secret rescue agency that saved endangered mythical creatures and races of humanoids from poachers. Whether it was unicorns murdered for their horns and blood, wood elves captured for horrific genetic experiments, or griffins murdered just for existing, humans were relentless. Although, most of the human population grouped elves and other intelligent humanoids into basically being animals themselves. Despite the fact that these races had their own languages, customs, art, and social hierarchy just like humans. The lack of empathy on the part of your race made your stomach turn and your blood boil.

It didn’t take long to spot your first victim. But this seemed... different. The cries were not fully human, not fully animal, but completely full of rage. And the wind! It was as if a small cyclone had suddenly rose from the ground and threatened to swallow the small patch of forest in the valley. You had no idea what could be causing the commotion, but you did know it was caught and needed help. It needed help fast. A lot of poachers had cameras or alarm systems to alert them when a trap was set off. You knew you had a small window or time before things got dire.

You expertly navigated your way down the hillside, having made a crude path over time on your patrols. Within a couple of minutes, you approached the ring of trees that were being violently shaken by the forceful wind.

When you looked into the chaos, you could see enormous, crimson feathers beating wildly into the air. Your eyes widened in wonder and horror when realization washed over you.

“Holy shit.... A Harpy....”

They were so rare and so removed from human society that many believed them to be fairy tales. But what you saw in front of you was definitely real. The creature beat their wings so furiously you couldn’t even make out the rest of their body. The growls and cries of rage still pierced the air as the wretched creature thrashed against its metal wire trappings.

It never got easier seeing just how brutal these traps were. A simple bear trap would be a mercy in some cases.

Not knowing a better way to get the creature’s attention, you let out a loud, high whistle.

The massive wings froze and you were able to see flesh between them. The harpy’s skin was crisscrossed with thin, metal wires that began to dig angry, bleeding cuts all over. A pang of despair rang through your chest. You noticed a golden blonde head slowly turn to face you.

For the second time today, you were absolutely astounded by what you saw in front of you.

A MALE Harpy! You knew enough about the creatures to know that only about 1 in 20 babies born were male. You’d never in a million years expect to come face to face with a Harpy. Let alone a male.

Once the shock wore off, another realization fell over you. He was absolutely, drop dead, gorgeous.

His long golden tresses hung wild around his face and his amber colored eyes burned through you. He had the chiseled jaw line of a Greek god and you couldn’t help but stare for a moment.

You quickly snapped out of it when you realized why you were there. You had to save him.

You slowly circled around to face him, palms out showing you weren’t a threat to him. He wasn’t buying it, though. You knew if he wasn’t bound by metal wires, he’d be eating away at your throat right this second.

Once you were face to face with him, you were able to appreciate the full extent of his terrifying beauty.

His perfectly sculpted chest was bare and bleeding from struggling against the wires of the trap. His mouth was pulled into a snarl, baring sharp canines and you were absolutely sure they could slice through you in a second. The only article of clothing he wore were a pair of woven cropped pants. They were made in an intricate pattern. The anthropologist in you wanted to ask what the material was made of and how it was woven... until a half growl, half whimper brought you back to the reality of the situation.

Your eyes trailed back up to meet the Harpy’s honey-golden irises. The pain in them made your chest ache.

“H-help.... p-pl-please...”

You froze, shocked that this mythical creature was actually able to communicate with you. Most elves you came in contact didn’t speak English. How could a Harpy, an even rarer species, speak it?

You didn’t have time right now. Questions could wait until later. You quickly swung your bag off your shoulder and pulled out your wire cutters.

The closer you got to the creature, you could notice tremors through his body. Especially at the base of his large wings. His right one was bound in what looked like a very uncomfortable position.

You held the wire cutters out in front of you and made eye contact with him.

“These will cut the wires. Okay? This will help.”

You made sure to use the word “help” since he seemed to understand that.

You received a curt nod, his golden, feathery hair flopping into his eyes a bit more.

After snapping ten of the vicious wires loose, he was able to remove himself from the rest. You noticed his hands had long, black nails that were reminiscent of talons. You looked curiously at his feet to see if he had talons. You always heard that Harpy’s had long, nasty talons for feet that they’d gut their prey with. You were slightly (pleasantly) surprised to see perfectly normal feet wearing plain, deerskin moccasins.

You heard a deep, rumbling chuckle and looked up to see him laughing at you while rubbing at his sore biceps.

“You expected horrible talons that I’d use to gut you with, no?” His eyes widened and he exposed his sharp canines when he said “gut you”. Something stirred in the pit of your stomach and you stiffened with surprise.

“Oh god! I’m so sorry! I’ve just... I’ve never met a Harpy, much less a MALE Harpy and you know, we hear so many rumors. I’m just fascinated by your species and culture and-“ you were silenced when he clasped one of his large hands over your mouth. He looked around, obviously sensing something you couldn’t.

He pulled you into a bear hug. You barely had time to register what was happening when the Harpy growled “Hold” into your ear.

With one thrust of his powerful, crimson wings, you were above the tree line. That’s when you heard a gunshot. The Harpy shot forward with incredible speed and didn’t slow down his speed until you were over the next mountain. When you were well away from the danger of the poachers, his wings flapped a little lazier and you were gliding along the air currents at a more relaxing speed.

After the initial shock wore off, you became more aware of your surroundings. You clung to the male like a koala hanging onto a tree. Your arms wrapped around his back tightly and legs around his waist, linking your ankles so you wouldn’t fall.

You immediately blushed as you noticed how hot the flesh of his arms were around you. One arm was positioned under you grabbing your outer right thigh. The other arm gripped your upper back, his strong fingers digging into your ribs right under your breast. You stiffened, embarrassed at the warmth growing between your legs. It’s not like you could really pull away.

You shift your hips nervously, hoping to make your position less awkward. The Harpy caught on to this subtle gesture and you felt his chest rumble against yours. Was he... laughing at you?!

“Excuse me... umm, Harpy... sir. Is something funny?” you ask, growing redder in the face by the second.

“Hawks” he purred in your ear. This did not help the growing heat your body was producing.

“What?”

“Name. Call me by Hawks. It is easier for a human to say than my birth name.” his voice was deep and he spoke with a musical lilt to his voice that was hypnotizing to you.

“Oh...” you trailed off, losing the train of thought you’d had.

There was a long pause before he continued speaking, as if he were pondering the right way to frame his thought.

“Amusing... it is.. amusing to me how easily a human female is....” he trailed off, searching for the right word. “Aroused” the last word was purred directly into your ear.

A shudder went through you and just as you were about to unleash a flurry of curses on him, you felt a jolt as his feet landed on wooden planks.

Hawks leaned forward and let you down gently. You could see you were on a balcony in the top of a massive tree. Branches concealed any evidence that there was a structure built into the tree. You followed the Harpy (or “Hawks” as you now knew him) into a small cabin like structure. Inside was one open room set up like a studio loft. You were amazed at how human everything felt. One wall was lined with bookshelves (guess that’s how he can speak English). There was a small kitchen area and on the opposite wall, a neatly made bed. You didn’t know what to expect a Harpy’s home to look like, but it wasn’t this.

You had so many questions to ask, but didn’t know where to start.

Any questions you had fell silent as the angelic Hawks turned to face you. Two slow steps forward and he was inches away from your face. You froze as his inquisitive eyes trailed your face. From your hairline down to your collarbone. He looked very serious; like he was studying a text book.

Hawks held up one of his hands and gently ran the tip of his index finger down the bridge of your nose. His soft touch ghosted over your lips causing you to involuntarily part them slightly. This caught his attention and his head cocked slightly to the right. He leaned in and you thought he would kiss you, but his face found the crook of your neck and he buried his nose into your warm flesh. You felt him breathe your scent in and your eyes rolled into the back of your head.

“You do not stink, human.” Hawks spoke into your skin.

“Umm. Thank you?” You questioned, not knowing if you should be offended or not.

“As children... we learn that humans are vile and evil. But you...” hawks trailed off, nuzzling his nose into your neck. "You are my savior”

Warmth spread through your chest and without thinking, you tangled your hands into his golden mop of hair and massaged his scalp. You felt his hands gently touch your hips and his beautiful wings encircle you both.

“Most of us are vile and evil, Hawks,” you whisper into his hair, breathing in his woodsy scent. “But some of us try to do better.”

As you continued to massage his scalp, you could feel a humming against your neck and a slight vibration running through his chest. Was he... purring?

Now was your turn to giggle. His face met yours with an embarrassed expression this time. He pulled away and his wings drooped slightly.

You cupped his face in your hands and touched his forehead to yours to ease his discomfort.

“That was a beautiful sound...” you whisper against his lips.

His liquid gold eyes met yours and you froze wondering what would come next.

Slowly, Hawks nuzzled his cheek against yours in a tender gesture. The purring noise quietly started back up and you returned his soft nuzzling gesture.

The earthy, warm smell of his skin was hypnotic. You sighed, wondering what his lips would taste like under your tongue. As your thoughts started spiraling further into your fantasies, Hawks froze.

“Taste...” he whispered, “May I taste you, human?”

Your eyes met again.

“Yes...” you whispered, mere centimeters from his face.

Hawks planted his lips onto your collarbone. After a soft kiss, you felt a long, languid lick trail all the way up to your shoulder. You bit your lip to stifle a moan.

Hawks was obviously not concerned with you hearing his reactions, because a low growl/moan escaped his lips as contact broke and he licked up your neck just as slowly.

The second lick made you shudder and your voice escaped before you could bite it back.

The purring sound got louder and he nuzzled your ear with his nose. The grip he held on your hips tightened and he pulled you in to meet his body. You gasped as you felt the bulge rubbing against your thigh.

“CHRIST he’s huge...”

“Hawks...” you choked out his name in a whisper.

He met your gaze. He was smiling sweetly and his eyes were wide with excitement. You paused and looked from his bookshelf to his face. Then, your eyes traveled around his walls. They were littered with paintings of humans (mostly women) and a lightbulb clicked on.

You grinned slyly and he looked confused.

“You have a human fetish....” you growled seductively.

His eyes widened and his cheeks turned red. His embarrassment only turned you on more. Realizing you had an advantage over the god-like being gave you an abundance of confidence.

“Please sit,” you gesture towards his bed. Slightly confused, he follows your direction.

You walk over and stand in front of him. You hold his hands and look into his eyes.

“First thing’s first. My name is Y/N. You should probably know my name before we begin.” He returns your soft smile.

“Y/N.... I like it.” Hawks says softly.

You melt hearing your name on his lips. Still holding his hands, you place them at the hem of your shirt.

You tremble slightly, in complete disbelief. Seducing a rare, mythical being wasn’t even close to on your mind when you awoke this morning.

“You can undress me if you’d like” your voice cracks and he senses the nervousness in your voice.

Hawks grabs you around the waist and gives you a reassuring hug, burying his face in your stomach.

He pulls away and stands to face you. You raise your arms to make it easier for him to remove your shirt. First your shirt, then bra, then pants are removed. You’re standing face to face with Hawks in nothing but your panties.

He sits back on the bed studying you then kneels in front of you on the floor. Your heart does a somersault in your chest as he grabs your ass.

Hawks plunges his face between your thighs and breathes in deeply. You shudder and moan as you feel his sharp nails dig in to your flesh.

He looks up at you, pupils so dilated you barely see the gold irises.

“I will try to be gentle... human” he pauses and smiles showing canines “Y/N”

Hearing him growl your name causes your knees to weaken and Hawks is quick to hold you up in his firm grasp.

With speed and precision, he takes your panties in his mouth and rips them off, tossing them to the side. Before you register what happened, you’re tossed onto the bed and have you legs draped over Hawk’s broad shoulders.

The Harpy’s wings fly open blocking almost all the light in the small room then slowly descend to tuck behind his back. You watch, hypnotized by the beauty of them. He notices and sports a prideful smile.

“Maybe this is part of their mating ritual? Remember to ask him later...”

Your inquisitive thoughts were ripped from your mind as you felt Hawks’ tongue enter your sopping wet hole. Your hips bucked into his face as a guttural moan escaped your throat.

He begins lapping at you gently, drinking you in. Then he pulls away meeting your gaze.

He takes a finger and experimentally rubs your swollen clit. You throw your head back and nearly scream out with pleasure.

“This... is a human female’s pleasure point. Yes?” He smiles, knowing the answer by your reaction.

“Shit, FUCK, yes... ahh, yes it is. But it’s very sensitive and has to be handled gently” you try to talk while he’s still rubbing small circles around your clit.

“Mmmm...” he hums removing his finger. You feel his arms wrap around your thighs then his soft lips wrapping around the sensitive nub.

Your body rolls upward to meet his mouth. This causes Hawks to resume the involuntary purring from earlier. Feeling the vibrations from it nearly sends you over the edge. His speed gradually increases as you reach your climax.

“Hawks!” You scream out his name as you come, tightening your thighs around his face.

He looks up at you, your slick glistening all over the lower half of his face. A wide grin showing sharp canines spreads across his face.

“That was.. orgasm?” He asked, massaging your thighs.

“Yes. Oh fuck yes it was...” you pant.

Hawks licks his lips proudly then pounces on top of you enveloping you in a strong embrace. You bury your hands in his hair and giggle as he peppers your neck with kisses.

You gently grind your thigh into his his crotch eliciting an animalistic growl.

“When a human female orgasms,” you purr into his ear, “it means her body is ready to take the male,” another slow grind into his bulge, “inside her...”

This sent Hawks completely over the edge. His pants were off with lightning speed and you felt the head of his swollen member at your entrance. His wings flex out again in another impressive display. As he slowly enters you, his wings draped over your bodies forming a cocoon of crimson feathers.

You writhe and moan as he plunges into you, inch by delicious inch. You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him into you. This awakens something in Hawks. He growls and plunges into you.

As he ruts into you mercilessly, you feel sharp canines begin to bite into your shoulder. The mixture of pleasure and pain causes you to cry out.

“OH FUCK, Hawks... yes!” You scream, clawing into his shoulders.

This causes him to bite hard enough to draw blood and his pace quickens. Without thinking, your hands trail inward to pet the downy feathers at the base of his wings. This set Hawks over the edge.

Throwing his head back, he growls and you notice a trickle of blood dripping down his chin. You take it as a good sign and begin massaging the base of his wings. A shudder runs through his body and his eyes roll back into his head.

Feathers trembling, Hawks cries out as he releases inside of you. Your hips roll into his as you ride the wave of your second orgasm. Your walls clamping around his cock causes him to whimper and sink into your chest.

Once you both even out your breath, you wrap your arms tenderly around his waist and massage his muscles.

“So...” you pant looking into Hawk’s golden gaze, “ your wings?”

He turns red and grins sheepishly.

“A Harpy’s pleasure point.” he whispers, gently touching his lips to yours. You realize this it the first time you actually kissed him and close your eyes relishing his velvety, plump lips.

“Mmm...” he hums before breaking the kiss, “Y/N... you are the most...” he stops to run his tongue along your lower lip, “delicious creature...”

Your smile widens as you kiss him again. This time, your mouths part and tongues touch gently.

“Hawks, you’re amazing,” you whisper, relishing the taste of him lingering on your lips.

Hawks nuzzles back into the crook of your neck and resumes his hypnotic purring.

“My... savior...” he breathes. Your hand strokes his golden locks as you feel him drift off to sleep.

A smile lingers on your lips as you drift into sleep under a canopy of crimson feathers

[black-rose-writings]

I read Ruin and Rising because I’m bored

And I also hate myself

Like with the last book, I have a vague idea of the plot and stuff from tumblr and fanfics. I will also be refering to Darkling as Sasha for most of this.

I am still Darklina trash and don’t particularly like Mal.

On a different note, I’ve finally moved for college, but the internet here is trash, so I’ll probably have a lot more reading time now, since most games I play are online and will crash without internet.

Before

Cool story. Let’s hope Alina stays a badass.

Who am I joking, I know how this ends.

Chapter 1

So far so good. I hate the Apparat, per usual. Alina’s there basically dying and that bitch can’t wait to see her do so.

Cult leader to the core this one. He probably hates that his figurehead is alive and also not brainwashed.

Cult leader doesn’t like swearing. How surprising.

My boy David is completely right. What kind of irresponsible dingus keeps centuries old books in a fucking wet-ass cave? (Or a tree for that matter *cough cough* The Last Jedi *cough, cough*).

Genya is fun to be around.

Oh, shit, let’s go.

Chapter 2

Jesus Christ, Alina, Zoya isn’t that bad.

This is one hell of a shitshow.

I live for this version of Alina. Badass. Scary. I want more of this Alina.

Chapter 3

Out of all the random little details from crappy smut fics, I did not expect Oncat to be from the books, lol.

Mal actually has a supernatural tracking ability. Like, literally, they put a bug into the pouch with gunpowder so he could make the shot. I guess this was kinda said before, but never this directly, right?

Alina’s merzost-skyping Sasha now, yay.

Alina is horny for Sasha boy. Yay.

Alina canonically has a praise kink. Nice.

I hate LB with all of my heart at this very moment. How dare she bait us Darklina people like this? How DARE she? (Shipbaiting is the worst, seriously.)

Yes, yes, yes. These two lines. That’s what their relationship is all about. They’re each others foils, the yin to the other’s yang and... ugh. I am Darklina trash to the core and this hurts.

Darklina: You have a terrible taste in men.

Alina: I liked you once.

My boy Sasha walked into that one.

Chapter 4

Alina is a Queen. And we love her.

David, my beloved, my spirit animal.

It’s surprising they can read it at all, given it’s been centuries. Have you ever tried reading medieval manuscripts?

Honestly, with a father that crazy, it’s no wonder Baghra’s a bitch. And I’ve seen it said somewhere that the books imply Ilya’s experiments are what caused Baghra to be a shadow summoner and you know what? I can see how you’d make that connection.

Why is there so few Tidemakers in the books? Waterbenders are useful. I want more waterbenders.

Alina picking up some habits from Baghra I see.

Ah, yes, we love an educated giant.

I’m starting to think Harshaw is a bit nuts.

Shut up, Hershey. Or at least share the weed with the class. I’m not here for this “He’s mean to you because he likes you”. I might believe that in like, elementary school, but yall are (more or less) adults. Jesus.

Well, that was a bombshell of a twist.

Chapter 5

Oh boy, we’ve got some trauma bonding for out merry band of misfits. Yay.

Adrik has a crush on Zoya. And she hates it, lol. Cut the kid some slack, he’s like 15 or something.

That reminds me, I have a four-leaf clover pressed in books from close to year and a half ago. Time flies.

They’re really diving into the Mal has supernatural powers, huh?

Ghosts, let’s go.

Alina “I’m so happy to be outside I start to shine like a fucking fairy” Starkov and Mal is entranced. He’s definitelly nicer now. I’m not forgiving him for all the shit he’s pulled before and for using the silent treatment way too much, but hey, at least he’s improving.

I am not a Zoyalina person, but like... gay? Please? Rivals to grudging allies to friends to lovers, 300k slowburn? Sounds more fun than whatever Mala dn Alina have going on, lol.

(I’m starting to realize I’m not as much a Darklina person as I am anti-Malina person, lol. Like, literally everyone has a more interesting dynamic with Alina than tracker boy over there. Malina is at best boring AF and at worst toxic, codependent and emotionally abusive, while also being boring AF at the same time. It has literally nothing going for it except God herself liking it).

I can see why Nadia is gay in the show. The book version of her definitelly has a crush on Tamar. Homegirl likes a woman, who can murder her with the flick of her wrist and honestly? Same.

Alina has some big “coming out of lockdown after a year” energy atm.

The cat is one of the most realistic characters in this thing, lol.

And since Tamar is also heavily queercoded, our lovely ladies make off into the night, flirting. Or maybe not. Let me dream, though.

At least Blade Boy is aware that his tattoo is stupid. To quote someone ranting about him on tumblr: He’s embracing his identity as a tool.

Oh, boy, this will be fun.

Evil soldier is horny for Mal. Saints, is there a woman in this book who isn’t horny for Blade Boy?

And here comes Niki to save the day.

Chapter 6

Niki saved the day.

Fiberglass? And David being David. Genya being in love with her nerd of a boyfriend.

Jesus Christ, this one crazy kid has moved the technology in this universe a whole century on his own. So, when is David going to propose to him?

Baghra hasn’t changed much I see.

Baghra’s about to drop some truthbombs, but no, we have to be rudely interupted because Genya’s rapist is throwing a fit.

Chapter 7

How does Mal sound? Is she gonna say the Blade boy sounds like her dad? I mean, I know voices are partially genetic, but it has been tens of generations between them, probably.

So, we’re finally taking Genya’s trauma seriously after all this time? Good. Better late than never, I guess.

I wish that regicide was already finished and I’m pretty sure that Genya does, too. Stop defending the fucking king, narrative.

David’s a nerd in all things I see.

Someone please just kill the king already. And the queen, too, for good measure.

Now that’s a romance.

Infodumping and listening to said infodumps is a legitimate love language, Alina. Let them nerd out over poisons.

Wait, has Alina never directly killed anyone before? I thought she did... hmmm.

And just like that, it should have been over. Ugh.

Somehow, Baghra is a better teacher now than she was before. She half feels like a completely different character.

Nevermind, she’s back at it.

Chapter 8

Holy shit, Nadia and Tamar are canon. They have canon gays here.

So, which one of them is gonna die?

Chapter 9

We arrive at that scene. The one, where they should have fucked.

Jeez, girl, get a hold of yourself. Life is short, fuck a villain.

In other news, Genya and David definitelly fucked.

Chapter 10

Poor David. He just wanted to know.

Damn... I never realized just how young Baghra was, when she killed her sister.

I’ve already made a post about this, but it really does strike me like Baghra has already decided to end her life at this point in the book.

Why is that whole “but what if we’re related” thing even in there?

Chapter 11

We love a suprise attack.

When did Sasha boy learn that trick?

Baghra really just did that. Oh boy.

Chapter 12

No, don’t kill the kid... ugh.

Emotiona support cat. She should be friends with Milo.

Porrige for brains. Oof.

So Nadia was the one, who got bees set on her in the book. Cool.

That’s a good question. Why was it never brought up to Alina, that other Grisha get blocks, too?

David already thinking of steampunk prosthetic for Adrik is honestly kinda sweet.

Chapter 13

Back home... kinda.

Is that really... you really care about Mal bonking the Grisha school mean girl over a year ago? Okay.

Chapter 14

Angst! Yay!

And more angst.

Chapter 15

Sasha really went “My mom killed herself to save you? Well, I’ll kill the closest thing to parents you have.”

Chapter 16

Nikolai’s alive. Kinda.

And these two have such a sibling energy, I can’t.

And then they fuck. Ew.

Chapter 17

Wait, wait wait... so Alina isn’t even the one to destroy the Fold?

Okay. That’s... weird.

Holy shit. That was...

So, Aleksander is dead. Mal isn’t. Someone else destroyed the Fold for Alina and now she has no powers.

Okay.

That’s a weird-ass ending.

Chapter 18

The gays survived, so that’s nice.

Genya made good on her promise of making Alina a ginger, lol.

After

What emotion is this supposed to give me? Cause all I feel is kinda sad.

[brotherslayer]

ohh! would kiel support athanasia in her overthrowing her father and committing war crimes! etc etc. or would he just be her consort? is he afraid of her (but also, it’s hot) or would he be an active supporter? and would she be closed off or would she open up to him?

it's complicated. In my mind Breaking Point (which I'll never write btw) is one of those convoluted plots with multiple parallel universes and literal world breaking involved.

In this AU Aeternitas is actually a terrifying villain. He kills Athy and resurrects her over and over again. His ultimate goal is to make the Obelias suffer. Just once won’t do it for him. His second goal is for Athy to reach a breaking point and make her agree to a deal with him in her desperation. In my mind possession magic follows the rule of similarity: Possession works best if the vessel and the magician in question are similar aka genetically very close (chimera!Jennette) or they share similar characteristics (Anastacius, the duke). Athy shares neither of these qualities, meaning Aeternitas has to create a situation where she has to develop similar characteristics to him in order to survive.

Originally the au started as the idea that Athy overthrows Claude and takes Ijekiel as a political hostage/consort. While Ijekiel isn't happy about his situation, he still sees Athy's point. This Ijekiel loves her and knows about her abusive family situation. This Ijekiel stays voluntary with her, he serves as her moral compass and tries to do damage control.

But then I got two anons who expanded on that idea and it got significally darker. In the new version Athy doesn't kill Claude. She tortures him. Athy got a lot of pent up emotions. Killing him wouldn't satisfy her. I guess we could also go the route that Athy still craves Claude's attention (though she'd never admit it). When she keeps him alive and forces him to witness her ascension to the throne, she’s essentially saying "look at me" I'm worthy of the throne, I'm better than Jennette, are you proud of me?. Athy wants a validation of her trauma. In some ways she still wants to connect to him. But every visit in the dungeon will just lead to nowhere. It's a torture for them both. This is their definition of family.

Now what about Ijekiel? Even though Athy tries to keep it hidden Ijekiel suspects about Athy's darker hobbies, but he is too afraid to confront her directly about it. Too afraid to destroy the illusion of a perfect fairy tale romance and see what lurks underneath.  Ijekiel got more or less coerced into the relationship. He is unaware of Athy’s many reincarnations and at times confused by her obsession with him. Yeah, he still loves her, though if  he clings to the image of her innocent past self and keeps making excuses for her current self who would kill people without batting an eye, does he really? (Eventually he wouldn’t be able to see past her crimes and it won’t end well)

I have 3-4 timelines where Athy overthrows Claude:

1. Ijekiel’s family supports Athy’s coup against Claude and he becomes her guard after she has ascended the throne. She uses him to execute the people who have wronged her and it really damages him psychologically. He dies before they could ever act on their feelings.

2. Athy takes power at age 15 while Ijekiel is away in Arlanta and makes quite the name for herself as the tyrant Princess. Ijekiel only knows about her from letters and is understandably creeped out by her obsession with him. The anti Emperor faction from the current timeline joins with the resistence. Ijekiel is aware that Anastacius has ulterior motives, but choosing between Athy and Ana is kind of like choosing between pest and cholera so he chooses what he presumes is the lesser evil: the anti Emperor faction. After Ana’’s death, Ijekiel becomes the head of the resistance. Like in any other universe Ijekiel is bound to fall for Athy but in this life he's disgusted with himself and his feelings for her.

3, this AU

The more power Athy gets the less agency does Ijekiel have. I imagine dark!Athy wouldn’t be able to relax if she’s not fully in control in the relationship but this has got to do with her powerless childhood + abandonment issues. She craves power, knowledge and wealth cause they are the only means with which she can protect herself against the world.

Athy and Ijekiel's relationship is dubious...at best. Especially in the latter timelines where Athy has had killed off her emotions and overthrows Claude. The AU is only an Athy wins AU at the surface. In reality it is an Aeternitas wins AU underneath. True Athy got everything she wanted: power, wealth, love but deep down she is emotionally broken.

The real cruelity behind Aeternitas revenge isn't that Athy dies and gets resurrected but also the emotional toll it takes on her mind. The futility. The fact that everything she has worked so far gets reduced to nothing (including the relationships she has build up).

I can imagine for example a timeline where she and Ijekiel died together (a la Romeo and Juliet), and Athy reincarnates. She wants to start where they left off, but the thing is: they don't have any basis to their relationship. In Ijekiel's mind Athy is practically a stranger to him to whom he was nice once. So when Athy suddenly starts to talk about true love he is weirded out. When she starts to murder people he thinks she's crazy because he doesn't know the context of her actions. He'd try to talk sense to her in the way you'd only talk to crazy people which would only anger her more.

[foxymoxynoona]

Foxy, up till now all your oc have been white/european lol, how about a Mexican or Latina gf for JK next 🥺🥺🥺

I know you asked a sweet short question, but I have a long answer so you can see how very deeply and to heart I take your request:

These requests both flatter and stress me out! I absolutely want to continue to diversify my characters. I also am aware of the ways I can fuck it up as a white writer, particularly when I'm writing FFs where sure, it's not like I don't research and often have friends I can discuss, but it's not the depth of critique something I wrote would go through for official publication (ideally...) I put a lot of effort into my stories, but it's also fanfiction I'm writing for free on the internet, so I just can't put the depth of research and review in that I would for like, a book I'm officially publishing where I have greater money, time, and resources.

For example, in my Nurse Tae story, Sydney is black. I've already had someone ask me why she doesn't "sound black." That is a very loaded and complicated question to receive about her that I, as a white person, am not appropriate to engage with. But arguably, as the creator of that character, I also do need to be able to answer for the choices I make. I don't find it difficult at all to write genetic diversity or characters who are not white but also not deeply tied with a culture that isn't one I’m personally in or close to, but when I start getting deeper into cultural diversity, that's when there should be more scrutiny and also when I can get it very wrong as someone not writing from within that community, if that's the expectation of that character. 

There's this tricky reality (that actually was one of the main reasons I stepped away from real-world writing) where we can and should have MUCH more diversity in leading characters in all forms of media. But that also should come from more diverse voices, not just white people writing more diversity. And while I do have a very diverse family and friend group, I'm still white. So it sends me down this spiral of: should I just shut up and get out of the way? should I stop putting stuff out that's easy because it's familiar even though it would slow down my output and significantly alter the stories I want to tell because of the additional layers that race/racism in my country add to understanding a characters' situation like Isabella or Sasha? I'm not deeply anxious about whether I offend a Scottish person because of the way I portray Iain in Meadow, but I would absolutely feel like an asshole white person if Dominique felt like an offensive portrayal of a Puerto Rican woman.

One thing though that I do want to bring up is that I am learning a lot about what codes characters for readers, even in fantasy/hybrid worlds where "real world" rules don't necessarily apply. I'm definitely continuing to learn and grow outside of my own experiences and bias about accidental ways I inherently code a character because of assumptions/language that are inherent to me and I appreciate everyone who pushes me to do that! I also am learning that even in fantasy worlds, in the absence of explicit non-white coding, people will code a character as white with the slightest nudge. Pippa and Marguerite were two examples of this, where I tried to actually leave their appearance mostly up to the reader until late in the story where it was clear through comments everyone had coded them as white anyway. They both came from places where they could be any skin tone and "our world" expectations for their names don't necessarily apply (ie, there is no France in Thedas, and Orlais is not a homogenously white country) So when Zoe entered in Sugar Fairy, I more explicitly coded her as bi-racial. Pippa's blue eyes are because she's a leopard, not because I saw her as white (her name Philomela is ancient Greek mythology; I've seen plenty of non-white characters with Greek names and did not consider this as inherently white)(also same with Bronwen's silver eyes, those were omega silver eyes, not European). Isabella has come across as entirely white to readers it sounds like, even though she and JK both mention her skin is "tanner” than his, her kids are the light coloring of their dads, and we don't know anything about Isabella's dad's race or ethnicity.

This will all continue to be interesting in my next two long stories. In both stories, the OCs are non-white (and one is actually Latina in my mind!). But in one, it's a fantasy historical world where I can't rely on any quick-cultural references to establish that (as in, I don't know if you'll read her and be appeased that she's Latina because it's not a 1:1 with our world) and in the other, there's a split between the characters heritage and her lifestyle, how she relates to that culture.

Another interesting aspect of all of this is that there is no easy answer, which makes me feel a little better about spending so much time thinking about it. I have non-white friends who very much encourage me to write non-white characters and insist I shouldn't worry so much about cultural differences, that people will understand my intentions if I get things wrong as long as I'm not "straying too far out of my lane" and fix it if I fuck up. I also have non-white friends who flat out tell me I should not do it and should just point people to non-white writers (this was specifically when talking with a group of friends about Sydney). If I can't even get consensus in this among my friend group (who are all people who know me and my good intentions), imagine my anxiety about opening myself up to scrutiny of the internet. EEK.

I realize this is a looooong response to probably what you meant as a very simply and straight-forward question! You just want to see me write characters who you can identify more with or who show a broader range (whether that means physically, culturally, etc.) I just wanted to answer again that I think about these things a lot, very seriously. I'll definitely continue to try and expand my character portfolio. But I also very much encourage everyone to find, support, and promote writers of color. I learn so much from reading characters written by writers of color, and while I want to write the diverse worlds I want to see, I also don't want to be part of a system of privilege that makes it so much more difficult for creators of color to get attention for their work.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph, you’re amazing at what you do. I just want to know from a true connoisseur, which 3 fics do you think you’ve read and re-read the most number of times? As in, 3 ultimate comfort fics.

Hi Nonny!

Ooof, I’ve been asked a similar question here a couple weeks ago, but hmm, this is actually something I never really had to think hard about! EXCEPT CAN I GIVE YOU 5? Because 5 immediately came to mind. Is that okay?? OMG I’m so sorry. Plus 5 is a number I like better than three, sorry :P Another weird tic of mine. 

No surprise which is my first, hahah:

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

It’s just such a joy to read every single time, and I never skip any parts at all. Start to finish EVERY TIME. 

Next:

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

This was my first Parentlock fic I read and it’s why I now do read Parentlock. Still one of my favourites, and it’s short enough to read in one sitting. It’s just so sweet, and Sherlock is SO precious, and GAH I LOVE it. Another start-to-finish. Which then brings me to this one:

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

I REALLY like this fic because it’s Sherlock POV and it’s him learning about his feelings for John. THOUGH I feel bad admitting that lately, rereads usually start around Ch. 30, because I love John showing up all BAMFy in Ch. 34 and essentially tells the social workers to piss off. And Sherlock is RIDICULOUSLY adorably in love with John so much in this fic. I’ve reread the whole story enough to know what happens before Ch. 30, and all the smoopy stuff happens after that. BUT DON’T think I don’t love this story. I DO. A LOT. I just... Sometimes need certain parts of a story RIGHT now, and that one singular scene is one of them, and I always just keep going from there. :P

Next:

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

I just really love this one. It’s painfully sweet and OH GOD I love how much they fall for each other and HARRY IS TWINSIES AND SHE’S AWESOME. Love it. It’s such a feel-good fic with a great ending. Love it.

And:

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

THIS FIC. GUH. Just, the way John pieces together how much Sherlock pines for him is ACHINGLY beautiful, that all comes together in a really tender scene in a pool. It’s the pool scene we should have had. UGH. AND SHAMPOO. And best friend Lestrade essentially telling John he’s a moron, LOL. LOVE this fic. I’m SO glad I finally remembered this one was the one with the Shampoo and the spa day.

-----

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY not my only always reads. In fact:

Top 30 Read-Again Fics (March 2019)

Top 30 Read-Again Fics Pt. 2 (Sept. 2019)

And I could TOTALLY do another 30 EASILY. The second one, I remember whittling it down quite a bit, LOL. These are just the first five that came to mind right away. I could also add these five:

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w., 26 Ch. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Frottage, Nightmares, Sleepy Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Humour, Fluff, Dancing, Cooking, Happy Ending) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Perdition's Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., 21 Ch. || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w., 19 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate's charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

---------

OKAY I NEED TO CUT HERE or I will go on and ON and ON. Hope this answers your question alright <3

[rexcoatlarchive]

Welcome to chaldea

Time to explore how the hell Rex even got to chaldea in the first place.

*in a suburban home somewhere in Kansas, laying in his bed was the man who would eventually be thrown into some magical bs*

*phone rings*

Me: *picking up the phone* hola?

Gramps: Hola mijo!

Me: oh hey gramps

Gramps: how are doing today?

Me: I'm fine, and you?

Gramps: bien , muy bien. Hey, you think you can come over? It's kind of important.

Me: uh sure I guess I could.

Gramps: and make sure you come alone

Me: oh... OK.

*later on right outside a pretty dingy looking house*

Me: *driving up to the building*

Me: here we are. Wonder what he needs

*enters the house*

Me: gramps! You in here?!

Gramps: *from another room* over here mijo!

*Rex walks to a room that looks a bit like an office. And there at a desk sat an older kinda short looking Mexican man*

Rex: hey Gramps. You wanted to see me?

Gramps: si mijo! There's something I need to tell you about.

Me: uh sure thing, what is it?

Gramps: ...you ever heard of magic mijo?

Me: *already concerned* uh.... yeah.

Gramps: you think it's all just nonsense and fairy tails don't you?

Me: well all evidence I and the world at large have seen points towards it being bs, yeah.

Gramps: well what if I told you it was all true, and all magic users have been keeping it a secret from the rest of the world?

Me: what like Harry Potter? Well first off I'd be concerned about your mental health somewhat.

Gramps: hahaha, yeah I imagine that's an appropriate reaction. But what if I showed you this *just fucking makes fire appear out of his hands*

Me: .....well then. Is it real?

Gramps: course it's real. Try to feel it

Me: *reaches hand out, it's actually warm* ...how the fuck?

Gramps: like I said, magic! Well we call it thamaturgy, we don't consider it true magic.

Me: then wtf is true magic?

Gramps: the stuff of dreams! The things some true magicians can do are beyond imagination and even comprehension!

Me: well then... why are you telling me all this now? Who else knows?

Gramps: no one else in the family. I've kept this a secret for ages.

Me: ages?! How old are you?

Gramps: oof! I don't even remember! But I will say my earliest memory is of some Spanish fools asking about a golden city. And even then I wasn't exactly a spring chicken

Me: *thinking about how old that could be* holy... so you can keep yourself young with magic?

Gramps: yeah, most mages don't but a few dabble in it.

Me: why keep it a secret for so long? And why start talking now?

Gramps: well to answer your first question, it's because most of mage culture is horrible and lacks morality almost entirely.

Me: ...huh

Gramps: and almost all mages are fools, refusing to adapt with the times. They're obsessed with the old ways, it can get downright pathetic honestly!

Me: interesting... again why now?

Gramps: well I figure it's time to stop extending my life so damn much and open the way for the next generation, as in you!

Me: Me?! You want me start doing magic?

Gramps: yup!

Me: why me? Why not dad or mom or someone?

Gramps: because I've been specifically getting you ready for this. Your magical circuits are the best in the family, the only ones that compare to mine.

Me: ...my what?

Gramps: they're called magical circuits. It's the part of the body that allows people to practice thamaturgy in the first place.

Me: so it's genetic?

Gramps: yeah, almost every generation after me had subpar circuits. Slowly over the generations I did small experiments to ensure that eventually I will have a proper successor. Nothing too bad, no one would've noticed. And you are the culmination of that work.

Me: feels really weird to be called the culmination of your work.

Gramps: yeah, that's an understandable reaction. Don't worry, I never needed to do anything to you. You were born ready to go. I just needed to wait until you were old enough.

Me: alright. So how do we start this? You start teaching me how to do this?

Gramps: early on I did have that in mind, but then a friend of mine starting working on something that I think would be better. You see, in the world of magecraft I'm actually kinda infamous. I'm a bit of a black sheep compared to the rest of magus society. Instead of focusing on 1 type of magecraft I decided to travel all around and learn as much as I could.

Me: so you're a bit of a jack of all trades?

Gramps: yeah, that's a good way to put it. I made many friends and enemies in my travels. And many want to know all the secrets I have, because I know forms of magecraft that many would love to get their hands on. For example, I'm ages old but don't look a day over 80 right?

Me: yeah.

Gramps: usually for other mages to achieve this many sacrifices are made, like sanity or their bodies start to deteriorate. But not me! I have access to magecraft that's long since died out.

Me: damn

Gramps: and all those secret will go to you. Or atleast most that I can give. And automatically once I die, all my enemies will be your enemies.

Me: WHAT!?

Gramps: but! Then I heard a friend of mine, from the animusphere family started working on something called the Chaldea security organization. And he needs mages, I talked to him and ensured that you'll join. And in return he'll ensure no one can get to you.

Me: so I'll go their to learn instead of you?

Gramps: yup! Soon enough I'll transfer my crest, which what'll you need to get started, you'll receive a phone call to confirm your participation. Then eventually someone will come get you, and you'll get started from there.

Me: so it's like a job? And is it OK for them to get someone so new to this?

Gramps: they just need bodies, and yeah it's basically a job. But you'll be staying there. So I'm basically forcing you to finally be independent and move out of your parent's home

Me: I'm only 20, it's not that bad.

Gramps: still, this has been set in motion. Are you prepared for what's coming?

Me: not even remotely! But I have very little say do I?

Gramps: nope!

*eventually after a few days, Gramps transfered his crest over to Rex. Eventually Gramps passes, and Rex just waited*

*phone rings*

Me: hello?

*a female voice is heard*

Olga: hello, this is the director of the chaldea security organization. I have a note from the previous director to call this number on this day. Are you the successor of that... unique magus who passed recently?

Me: yes I am.

Olga: and am I correct to assume that you've been informed of your involuntary recruitment into this organization?

Me: yup

Olga: ok, I'm not going to force you to join but I will say it is in your best interest to join. Once other magus find out about you, and they will, you will likely not be safe.

Me: yeah, he made that clear. I've already prepared myself to join

Olga: excellent, a car will be coming tomorrow to take you to a plane. From there you'll be taken here.

Me: alright then. Is that it?

Olga: that's all, see you soon enough

*the phone is hung up*

Me: kind of annoying being thrown into this. But from what I've heard it could be worse. *looks at an envelope left by gramps*

*on the envelope it says "don't open until you get there, and make sure to bring the feather"*

Me: *holding said feather* he gave me this thing ages ago. So I guess this was him getting me ready for all this? Wth does a feather have to do with magic anyways?

*the next day on the plane*

*Rex is seated next to a pair of twins*

Rikka: *trying to start conversation* hey there!

Me: hi

Rikka: what's your name?

Me: you can call me Rex

Rikka: well hey there Rex! You can call me Rikka, and this is my brother Rikko!

Rikko: *is sleeping*

Rikka: *elbows him* wake up bro!

Rikko: huh? What?

Rikka: so why'd you decide to join up?

Me: was kinda forced into this by gramps

Rikka: your grandpa forced you to join?

Me: oh, he's not actually my grandpa. Everyone in my family just called him that because he's older. And yeah I was forced essentially, because a lot of magus don't like him apparently. And as his successor I'm apparently going to have a target on my back. But he said the director would promise my safety if I joined so... yeah

Rikka: well that's kind of messed up! But that's mage culture for ya!

Me: man every time I hear about mage culture, it's non-stop misery and dread

Rikka: do you not know much about mage culture?

Me: no! Just a month ago, magic would've been considered fairy tale nonsense to me! But now I'm being thrown into something I barely understand to stay safe from who knows what!

Rikko: that's very weird. Normally it's driven into your head from birth

Me: but not me! Even the rest of my family knew nothing until I showed them some of the basic spells gramps taught me! He's left me with very little while throwing me into this crazy world. It's kind of weird because he was always that cool relative that was a blast whenever he visited! But now he's the man who threw me into this magic hell and then died! All he's left me with is this journal to figure out basic magecraft and this bite and feather

Rikko: feather? Why the feather?

Me: good question. The note might explain but it says to wait until we get there.

Rikka: well when you do open it can you tell us?

Me: sure I guess

Me: but I've gone on long enough, why are you guys joining?

Rikko: well we just needed some work and independence, and our parents heard about this place and said we should join up

Me: that's it?

Rikka: yup!

Me: huh, ok then

*eventually once at chaldea and after the huge presentation at the beginning the 3 are walking towards their rooms*

Me: man you two kept falling asleep, if I weren't there to keep you guys awake who knows how the director would've reacted. And also thankfully that Mash girl told us the right way to go to our rooms

Rikka: *still sleepy* yeah, thanks for that. And thanks Mash

Rikko: *also sleepy* so where's our rooms anyways?

Me: *stopping at a door* right here it seems

Rikka: cool! Let's get in to read your note already!

Me: don't you want to get into your rooms first?

Rikka: that can wait! I'm too curious right now!

Me: alright then

*the door opens and sitting on the bed is a man with long red hair tied in a pony tail is seen eating cake, along with him is a dark skinned woman with dark purple hair*

Me: uh...

Rikka: hey there?

Rikko: did you get the wrong room?

Me: no... it says right on the paper

*the two on the bed stand up*

Romani: oh sorry about that we were just kind of taking a quick break, this room had been empty for so long we just used it to hang out.

Me: huh... well sorry but I've been assigned to this room.

Rikka: who are you guys anyway?

Romani: I'm Romani Archaman, the head doctor around here though most people call me Dr. Roman. And this lovely woman is my wife, and assistant

Mrs. Archaman: hello there

Me: oh the head doctor huh? Interesting

Rikko: nice to meet you doc

Rikka: ...you guys both have fluffy hair

Roman: yeah we get that a lot

Mrs. Archaman: mostly me though. People always want feel my hair

*out of nowhere comes a little white animal*

Roman: oh is that the fabled mystery creature Mash told us about?

Mrs. Archaman: oh how cute!

Me: wtf is he?

Rikko: squirrel?

Rikka: cat?

Roman: no idea, my first time seeing him

Roman: come here little guy, I'll give you a treat

Fou: fou fou!

Roman: wait a minute, what's with the pitying look in his eyes!?

*all of a sudden the lights go out, thanks to the explosion*

Well that's the pretty much the story

Really wanted to finally show how Rex got into chaldeas in the first place.

Tagging some folks @panyum @grievouslyxorvia @gxymlky @hasereshdoneanythingwrong

Kinda wonder if people will realize who the mysterious wife is

[softlass27]

Flufftober Day 7 – Stop hogging the blankets

AO3 link here

“Stop hogging the blankets.”

“You stop hogging the blankets. You’ve already got more than me!”

“I’m taller than you, there’s more of me to cover.”

Aaron snorts and yanks as much of the blanket as he can without disturbing the small, sleeping figure sprawled out on top of their torsos.

It’s a Friday night, and they’d agreed to take Eve off Chas and Paddy’s hands for the weekend. Leaving them to… fight, talk, not talk… in peace. They’re going through yet another rough patch; Chas sick to death of Paddy and wanting more than what he can offer, Paddy sulking and snapping and refusing to admit to anyone that something’s seriously wrong.

Not that he needs to. The whole village knows the state of their relationship these days; it’d been aeons since they’d bothered trying to keep their arguments private, no longer bothering to confine them to the back room or after closing hours. They’d snipe and shout at each other in full view of the bar, whilst customers looked on with discomfort or interest, depending on who was watching.

It’s unfortunately become a regular cycle over the last few years, one that Aaron wishes to God they would break by ending things once and for all and putting everyone out of their misery. Mainly Eve.

She’d been quiet and withdrawn when Aaron had picked her up and brought her to the Mill, barely answering any of his questions about her day at school or how she wanted to spend the weekend. Even her favourite tea of pizza and chips (finally, someone who appreciated Aaron’s level of culinary skill) hadn’t cheered her up.

Aaron could guess the reason for her low mood, but he didn’t know what to do about it, how to bring her out of her shell. Seb was visiting Rebecca for the weekend, so they didn’t even have him to distract her with his toys or games.

As heavy rain had begun to pour from the sky, loud taps thundering on the roof and windows, Robert had gotten to his feet and declared it was the perfect night to build a blanket fort. That had finally gotten a reaction out of Eve, her head shooting up instantly.

“Mummy never lets me make forts!” she’d cried, smiling for the first time that night. “She says it’s too messy.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about mess here,” Robert had said with a wink. “We can just make Aaron tidy up later, can’t we?”

“Oh, charming,” Aaron had grouched, but he’d started shifting chairs around without protest.

“And – and can we stay in it all night?”

“That’s the idea, short stuff,” Aaron ruffled her hair. “No point in a blanket fort if you can’t sleep in it, is there?”

Eve had gaped at him, eyes wide and excited like it was the best thing she’d ever heard, and Aaron was really starting to wonder just how miserable things were for her at home.

The three of them had gathered every quilt, blanket and pillow they could find, and in just twenty minutes they’d managed to construct a pretty impressive fort, if Aaron did say so himself. Robert had dug out some of their Christmas lights from the messy cupboard and strung them up across the roof before flicking off the main light, creating a cosy little cocoon for them to crawl into.

It was a bit of a squeeze, but they’d made it work, and spent the rest of the night watching films on Robert’s laptop and drinking hot chocolate in their pyjamas. Eve had cheered up quickly, her mood doing a total 180 from the second they’d started gathering fort-building supplies. Still a little quieter than usual, perhaps, but for the most part she’d been all smiles for the remainder of the night.

Now she’s passed out on top of them, head and arms flopped on Robert’s chest while her legs spread across Aaron’s stomach, well and truly crashed out from the sugar and excitement. Neither of them had the heart to move her, so they’d made themselves as comfortable as they could and settled in for the night, listening to the soothing sound of the rainfall outside.

“My back’s gonna be screaming at me by morning,” Robert grumbles next to him.

“This was your idea, mate.”

Robert huffs but quirks a smile at him. “Not my worst though, was it?”

Aaron tilts his head to face him and smiles back. “Nah, one of your better ones actually. For a minute I was scared she’d be gloomy all weekend.”

“If having an eight-year-old kid’s taught me anything, it’s that forts make everything better.”

He’s not wrong, blanket forts are probably one of Seb’s favourite things in the world.

“How were they when you picked her up?” Robert asks tentatively. “I didn’t get to ask before.”

“Oh y’know, the usual. Barely lookin’ at each other, snarky comments, one leaving the room as soon as the other comes in. Eve sat on the sofa stuck in the middle of it all. You could’ve cut the tension with a knife.”

“That explains her being so down, then.”

Aaron glances down at Eve, double-checking she’s actually as dead to the world as they thought.

“I wish they’d just call it quits – for her sake as much as anythin’.”

Kids aren’t stupid – Aaron knows that better than anyone. The back of the pub isn’t exactly spacious, only a few small rooms with thin walls, and he has a feeling Eve’s seen and heard a lot more than she’s supposed to. It makes his blood boil.

He knows what it’s like to grow up in a home with parents who spend every day either fighting or ignoring each other (of course, what came after was worse, much worse, and he’s forever grateful that Eve will never know that kind of pain, at least). He could kill his mum for putting another child through it all over again. She was supposed to be better this time.

He can still remember the unhappy way she used to look at him when he was a kid, that horrible feeling of just knowing that she’d rather be anywhere else than at home with him. That she wanted something different, something more.

“I know,” Robert says quietly next to him. “Me too.”

“Part of me wishes I’d never pushed them to be together in the first place.”

“You didn’t push them.”

“I sort of did, though. I wanted them to get back together so badly all those years ago, I thought they’d make each other happy. And all it’s done is make them miserable.”

“Well, maybe,” Robert sighs and bumps his head gently against Aaron’s. “But if they’d never gotten back together, we wouldn’t have ended up with this one, would we?”

He nods down at Eve, who shuffles slightly and very nearly kicks Aaron in an area that he’d really rather she didn’t. He carefully rearranges her so her feet are safely out of the danger zone, and shoots Robert a grin.

“You mean you wouldn’t have your little admirer?”

“Give over,” Robert rolls his eyes, but Aaron knows just how much he and Eve adore each other.

Aaron’s little sister had been smitten with Robert since before she was even walking, clinging to him like a tiny shadow – much to Chas and Paddy’s displeasure.

“Guess you were bound to be her favourite,” Aaron muses. “She’s related to me, after all.”

“Can’t argue with genetics, I suppose. Would explain why Seb does every chore you ask him to while I can barely get him to pick up after himself.”

“That’s because he knows you’re a soft touch, got nothin’ to do with biology.”

“If you say so,” Robert sighs contentedly, eyes drifting closed.

They lie in silence for a few minutes, Aaron staring up at the fairy lights twinkling above them.

“I just wish there was something I could do,” he whispers. “To make it better for her.”

Robert cracks an eye open and shakes his head at him. “You’re already doing it, you muppet.” He presses a kiss to Aaron’s cheekbone. “Whatever happens with your mum and Paddy… as long as we’re here, she’ll be okay.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

[nookishposts]

Managing Messages

It would appear that there is a sea change going on in my brain. Self-reflection seems to be a mid-life given and I believe that has ramped up for many of us during restricted pandemic conditions. Once we tired of bread making and Netflix binges and being unable to wear anything but buffet pants, many of us got contemplative; involuntary monks in retreats that needed dusting.

As a storyteller I listen a lot and try to see the funny in the foibles and fairy-tales of everyday living. We tell ourselves whatever we need to in order to get from place to place,between frustrations and surprises, for better or worse. Case in point : “I will eat this last cookie, in addition to the two I just had, because it would be silly to put the bag back in the cupboard with just one cookie left.” Please tell me it’s not just me....

Rules of comportment have changed a lot in the last year and we have been more often confronted with the quirks of our own company.  We examine the world through a lens of a necessarily more domestic perspective, noticing the dust dinosaurs under the bookshelf from our horizontal couch-lolling, seeing the cobwebs near the ceiling, remembering that we’d promised to freshen the cupboards with a coat of paint, and scrolling, scrolling, scrolling the hours away.

There are things I promised myself last November that I would spend the Winter doing; among them squats my own personal elephant-in-the-living-room; the actual work of assembling/organising some of my writing for publication. I have promised myself this every Autumn for the last 4 years, maybe more. Not following up has absolutely nothing to do with the pandemic and everything to do with the mixed messages in my early brain-wiring that I have managed until now to avoid reconciling. No, I am not blaming my parents for my failures; but I am finally acknowledging that they inadvertently gave me a puzzlement of fears to figure my way through. Analysis paralysis. That particular writing assignment is way overdue. I guess I have to start somewhere. 

My parents, both born pre-Depression grew up in financial poverty, in families that strove to keep them fed and sheltered rather than striving for the sake of striving itself. Neither finished school because it was just not a priority next to taking on some responsibility for keeping the families basic needs of living met. They were taught to keep their heads down and noses-to-the-grindstone, to never think of aspiring beyond their “station” in life or if they did, to keep it to themselves. Which I think they did. I don’t recall either of them ever talking about having dreams for themselves except in the most self-deprecating or pipe-dreaming kind of manner, as if dreams were to be sloughed off, abandoned to the past, along with childhood.

So I grew up the eldest child of two very hard-working people whose attitudes combined in a united defensive front against those they’d been taught to believe were their “betters”; people like academics, doctors, and politicians. People of means, likely inherited. People of power and influence, genetically programmed to screw the little guy. Seriously. 

I was a dreamer from the get-go. I had a hearty imagination fuelled by a belief in magic and a natural disinclination to follow the rules, a deeply curious little kid who had a knack for remembering and a sense of wonder at the world itself. My parents, like most of their generation were more concerned that I be prepared for harsh reality than for questioning the status quo. I too was to work hard, keep my head down, and not entertain any real ambition for fear of life beating it out of me. They both knew how to laugh and were not without creativity, but all of it was directed and drained off in matters of pure practicality. 

Mixed messages have dogged me ever since, though I have long been of an age where I know it is my responsibility to  unravel things for myself. Distilled, the messages that I carry are as follows: from Dad it was “who the hell do you think you are with your book-learning and big words? You think you are better than us? The hell you are!” And from Mum it was: “Well, good for you, but don’t get used to success because it doesn’t ever last.”  Both attitudes came from fear, his from being usurped or found wanting and hers from being afraid of serial disappointment. Translated in my brain, those echoing, looping messages have kept me from believing it is okay to just take a grand leap of faith in myself. Good lord, what if I fail and embarrass us all?! The child in my brain wrestles with the adult who logically knows there are no guarantees either way, but that to do nothing is also futile.

I am a storyteller. My maternal grandparents were too. I read from a very young age and made up my own stories, even inventing a couple of imaginary friends to take along on my adventures. In school, I loved to read and write and went through systematic progressive phases of writing poetry and one-act plays and folk songs and short fiction. As an adult, I have written as therapy, for myself and for others of my generation who can relate to the things we all go through but I am willing to write and often laugh about. Writing is confession, and community, and collective consciousness. For me it’s most often spontaneous, off-the-cuff riffs about flushed car keys and public prat falls. Stories are how I make sense of the World, as well as the world of possibility. I write, I send it out like a flimsy paper airplane and hope it doesn’t crash too soon.

This past Winter I was all set to organise the many musings that I have blurted out on Facebook, in my blog, as a result of writing groups and workshops and the encouragement of kind readers. I wanted to prepare for publication a collection of mostly lighthearted observational spit-takes and rim-shots. But I didn’t do it. Every time I sat down, I would find a distraction to wander towards instead of the focus I needed to cobble my pieces (literal and figurative) together.  I have watched friends publish works over the past two years and been so very proud and thrilled for them, admiring of and inspired by what they have done. Yet, I seem paralyzed in my own attempts.  They tell me this is quite normal, this abject terror of imposter-ing, of discovering that I am just not any good at what I love so much that it is a significant part of my identity and therefore too personal to withstand the possibility of repeated wounds of rejection.

Possibility. It’s a double-edged sword  of a word if ever there was one. We could fall. Or we could fly. The net between the two is full of holes.

I hear the words again; “who do you think you are?” and “don’t get used to it” and they stop me in my tracks, they burst the shiny pink bubble of joy that comes with delicious combinations of sounds and ideas, and I drop to the ground in a heap, feeling simply foolish, embarrassed to be caught dreaming. But I am a big girl, and I know full well that the real joy is in the doing, and the real fear is in the letting go...in sending those bubbles of joyous play and pondering out to fend for themselves in a world where most are shot out of the sky with a sharp stone from the slingshot of publishers simply trying to dig through a constant avalanche of submissions to find their own diamond..a money-maker that will keep the rent paid and the doors open. It’s really  just a different degree of striving isn’t it?

I don’t ever expect to make much money from writing, although between copy-writing and biographies, I do make some. I would like to find the guts to write one really good book made up of many quirky little parts, something that other people could enjoy and relate to. (Yes,I’d settle for a bathroom book.)The very best part for me about telling a story are the stories that other people tell in response..that lovely, luscious, leveller of hearing “me too!” makes me feel like I’ve accurately described our human-ness. It’s that thing connects us all.

I’ve read lots advice from writers I admire...all the bits about getting my ass into a chair and just DOING it, letting a good editor chip the mud away from the motherlode, and suspending self-criticism in deference to those people paid to do it as their part of the journey toward publication. I have researched the publishers who accept the kind of work I think I write (that definition is hard!) and I have several versions of my elevator-pitch all ready to go. I have a ton of material to be shaped, and another ton in my head yet to be written down. What I am currently working on, the linchpin to all the rest, is courage. And perhaps a refresh button on my discipline. I really want to do this in spite of and perhaps to some degree, because of those old worn thin mixed messages. Wish me well.