#I actually have a lot of ideas for what could have been done for 2019 but absolutely no one wants to hear that shit 💀

[moonandstarshyuck]

"Always."

lando norris x gn!bf!reader

notes: I haven’t written since 2019, so bear with me. I’ve found myself thinking about a little blurb for Lando recently (actually a lot of ideas, but this one is sticking with me more than the others at the moment).

For some context, Lando’s been receiving a huge amount of hate online (and in-person) recently. I haven’t been a fan for that long—I got into F1 this summer, in 2024—but I’ve grown to care about him. I was there for Lando losing the championship, and while I think we all knew it would come to this (Max winning felt inevitable) but I’m proud of Lando for pushing so hard this entire year.

Still, with all the hate directed at him, I’m seeing a new side of him, and I’m learning that he’s a person with feelings like anyone else. I can tell he doesn’t always have the highest opinion of himself and tends to take the blame for anything that goes wrong during his races. What struck me about this is how much I relate to it. I blame myself for things out of my control or when I mess up. What sucks with Lando is that his small, human errors are what so many people focus on to criticize him—whether it’s why he didn’t win the championship or why they think he’s a bad person (which he absolutely isn’t).

The inspiration for this came from an interview he did after the Brazilian GP. At that point, everyone knew it was almost mathematically impossible for Lando to win the championship, and he talked about struggling in the aftermath: “I literally couldn’t sleep for the first two days…So I did like, what, 36-40 hours straight. So that probably made everything worse. When you’re tired, you’re more moody, and that kind of thing…I was just sat at home alone. It probably would have been better if I had been with my friends. But they don’t live in Monaco. They also have lives and are busy doing other things. And I’m a big overthinker, so like the whole flight home, the whole week, it just played over and over in my head. What could I have done differently? Why did I do that? Why did I not do this? You start thinking of all the scenarios that you kind of blame yourself for, why it’s now not possible, that kind of thing. And yeah, because I overthink and I struggle with that kind of thing, that took a bigger toll in the days after. It wasn’t an easy time.”

And I keep on finding myself wishing someone could have been there for him in person, so that he was okay. So, I wrote this. The reader in this is dating Lando but is written as a gender-neutral character that uses They/Them pronouns. The reader also has a service dog, a Bernese Mountain Dog named Thunder, to help with their own depression and anxiety (I’m not an expert on service dogs, so this many not be 100% accurate).

They woke up that early morning to the sunlight shining on their face, streaming in from the window outside. The bliss of sleep clung to them as they lay there, cocooned in warmth, the covers snug around their body. They stretched lazily, blinking their eyes open.

Instinctively, they turned to look beside them—only to find the space next to them empty. It’s too early in the morning to be anywhere else but in bed, even for training, they thought. Lando should still be here.

The realization pulled them out of their sleepy haze. The past couple of days had been not kind to Lando. They knew that he had a tendency to keep his feelings bottled up and beat himself up over his perceived failures. They understood that feeling all too well—the guilt, the constant sense of disappointment, the nagging thought that were never good enough. They had wrestled with those feelings since they were a child.

It wasn’t something that had an easy fix. If they had found the answer, they would have shared it with Lando years ago. But they had learned that the best way to fight those thoughts wasn’t isolation. Talking to someone, writing feelings down, even simple positive affirmations—thought they might sound silly—could help push back against the negative spiral. They had told Lando this countless times.

But Lando had a problem with not wanting to “inconvenience” anyone with his emotions. No matter how many times they reassured him that they were always there for him, he struggled to let himself. They didn’t blame him—it was human to struggle against your own mind.

What made everything worse was the constant online hate. Every little mistake or sarcastic comment from Lando seemed to turn into an avalanche of criticism. They remembered the first time they’d seen him like a hateful comment about himself on Instagram—the little heart next to a cruel statement, paired with note: “Creator liked this.” It had broken their heart. How could the Lando they loved ever believe such awful things about himself?

After Brazil, it had been clear that he wasn’t okay. He’d barely spoken since coming home, choosing instead to himself. They had given him space, hoping he’d find a way to process his feelings. But by the second morning, when he still hadn’t come to bed—almost forty hours after returning home—they knew they couldn’t stand by any longer.

That morning, they rose slowly from the bed, a plan beginning to form in their mind. Lanod needed someone to step in—someone to remind him he didn’t have to face his struggles alone. They were determined to be that person for him.  They couldn’t take it anymore, seeing the person they loved so badly, punishing himself over his ‘failures.’

The first step was to confirm where he was. Grabbing their phone, they opened Twitch and navigated to Max’s stream. After a few moments of watching, they heard Lando’s voice—tired, strained, but unmistakably his. He was joking with Max, his words clipped, like he was holding himself together with sheer willpower. It was enough to break their heart. They opened their messages with Max.

Thunder's Owner

Lan’s streaming with you rn?

Sent at 7:48 AM.

After a few seconds, Max replied.

Maximilian

Yeah he’s on voice-only.

Sent at 7:50 AM.

Gonna do something about him?

Sent at 7:50 AM.

Max knew. Of course he did. He probably heard the exhaustion in Lando’s voice, the edge self-loathing that came with overthinking. They typed back quickly:

Thunder's Owner

Yeah

Sent 7:52 AM.

Going to unplug his setup and drag him out of there.

Sent 7:52 AM.

Maximilian

Lol.

Sent 7:52 AM.

I’ll keep an eye out for when he disappears.

Sent 7:53 AM.

Thunder's Owner

Thx

Sent 7:54 AM.

They quietly made their way to Lando’s gaming room and eased the door open. Lando sat at his desk, controller in hand, headset clamped over messy curls.  He looked worn down, his shoulders slumped as he focused on the screen. His voice through, muted put playful, as he bantered with Max.

For a moment, they just watched him. Even now, he was handsome, but the tiredness in his expression made their chest ache. He deserved rest. He deserved to feel okay. And he wasn’t going to get that by sitting here punishing himself.

As soon as Lando died in-game and leaned back in his chair, they seized the opportunity. They crossed the room, catching his attention when they came into view.

“Why’re you—” Lando began, frowning, but they didn’t let him finish. Reaching down, they unplugged everything from the wall.

“What the hell—” he exclaimed, spinning around in his chair.

“No,” they said firmly, cutting him off. “I’m not you hurt yourself anymore. Get up.”

Lando blinked, clearly taken aback. “You can’t just do that!” he protested, but they were already tugging gently at him arm, urging him out of his chair.

“Angel, what are you—”

“No,” they repeated, their voice steady. “Get up,”

Lando hesitated for a moment before letting out a resigned sigh and standing. They took his hand, leading him out of the gaming room and down the hall to the living room. He didn’t resist, but he followed like a man in a daze. Once they reached the couch, they turned to him. “Sit,” they said, pointing at the cushions. Lando raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to argue, but they shook their head. “Stay.”

They turned to Thunder, who had been waiting for them in the hallway, and told him, “Thunder, guard,” while pointing at Lando.

The dog immediately moved into position, standing alert in front of the couch. Lando’s eyes widened slightly as Thunder fixed him with an unblinking stare. He shifted as if to get up, but Thunder’s stance didn’t waver.

“Jeez, I wasn’t going to get up,” he mumbled to Thunder, but Thunder just sat there and watched him until he fully relaxed back into the couch.

The thought ran through Lando’s head, how he had honestly forgotten how menacing his own dog could look. He knew Thunder was trained, saw reminders of it daily with how he interacted with his partner, but he was still shocked at how trained Thunder really was at that moment.

Thunder was still staring at him when he pulled out his phone from his pocket, opening up his texts with Max.

LN

I was just dragged out of my gaming room and told to sit on the couch and like a dog.

Sent at 8:05 AM.

Not against it, but how tf did they get so determined?

Sent at 8:05 AM.

Thunder’s watching me right now.

Sent at 8:06 AM.

I forgot how menacing he could be.

Sent at 8:06 AM.

*Picture attached.*

Lol.

Sent at 8:06 AM.

Max (The 1st One)

He’s like ‘try me, I dare you’

Sent at 8:06 AM.

LN

Yeah, I don’t particularly want to try him

Sent at 8:07 AM.

Max (The 1st One)

Lol.

Sent at 8:07 AM.

They told me before they did it

Sent at 8:07 AM.

I just let them. Lol.

Sent at 8:07 AM.

LN

Helpful. What if they were trying to  kill me?

Sent at 8:08 AM.

They wouldn’t have had to if you kept doing what you were doing.

Sent at 8:09 AM.

Lando’s let out a quiet sigh, Max’s words sinking in. He glanced at Thunder, who hadn’t moved, and felt a pang of guilt. He’d pushed himself too far again, and this time it had clearly worried his partner.

A few minutes later, his partner walked back into their living room. He thought they looked beautiful, wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of boxers. They were entirely focused on the bowl they were carrying, and only looked up when they got close enough to hand it to him. He gently took the bowl, looked into it and saw it was one of his prep meals. While not his favorite breakfast, he knew he just needed to eat first, so he started taking bites.

He glanced up every so often, and each time he did, his partner was just sitting there and watching him eat. Lando almost chuckled at his own thought that they looked just like Thunder when watching him, and he smiled into his bowl at the thought. His partner didn’t see his smile, but he continued to eat until he had finished the bowl.

When he was done eating, he set the bowl down, and his partner again pulled him up by the crook of his arm. He just let them do so, having a thought of what was going to happen next.

His partner led them both down the hallway to their bedroom, and opened the door, leading him to sit on their bed, then they turned around and went to close their blinds and draw their black-out curtains to cover up the sunlight from the window. They had turned on their bedside lamp earlier, and the soft orange glow of the lamp permeated the room. They walked past him again, going to close the door after letting Thunder in, then they walked back to their side of the bed, and pulled him to lie down against them.

As he settled against their chest, he felt a bit odd, it being a bit of a difference to feel how much he was loved by them. How much they cared for him. And he finally spoke again, “Thank you.”

“Always, Lan. Always.” They replied, pressing a kiss to his hair.

And for the first time in days, he let himself sleep.

author's note: got inspired to actually write something for once...ty @koalapastries for the inspiration (unknowing inspiration but ty) (also sorry for using your layout outline

comments & reblogs appreciated

and i made the dividers :)

[downtowncannibal]

Complain about Black Chirstmas 2019 because of how bad it is, not because Billy's not in it

[82mitsu]

Previously translated pair names that had been posted to Twitter. However corrections had to be made (misinterpretations & an instance of mistranslation), so this is version 2.

Note: This is the only translated thing I will be posting, I am not off hiatus. I had been meaning to archive this before my hiatus, but I also had to fix some things, which is why there was a delay.

Please consult to this post only regarding pair name translations done by me (82mitsu), any other posts or reposts you might see of this chart is the older version. (Previous version has been deleted, but I'm unaware how far the information had spread.)

If any other corrections need to be made, feel free to contact me and I'll make them as soon as possible.

Below follows an extreme lengthy TL note breaking down some pair names, it's a lot of text, so be warned once you unfold the read more.

A lot of research went into these due to 18TRIPs tendency to mix up words, use Gen-Z slang that hasn’t been picked up by everyone yet (or limited to TikTok) and make up their own words (“Omotenashisto” -> “Hospitalister”). I used dictionaries, searched forum results, looked up how people use these words on social media, went TikTok digging, etc.

I tried my best to localize in a way that should make sense even without added context. I only explained the ones that I thought might needed some more back-up in a cultural sense or because it was a specific JPN thing. Thus, not everything has been explained. However, I hope things are clearer compared to the first version that was posted. For Renga & Yukikaze: For ぽゆぽゆ (poyupoyu) there is no definition or anything for this word, but from context clues and digging through how people used it, I deduced that it means something soft and squishy like a plushie or cheeks, so to say. For Renga & Liguang: かりそめの宿縁 (karisome no shukuen) is a Japanese saying about a fated connection of bond that only lasts for a brief moment, but leaves a deep impact on your life. For Renga & Raito: Party is mispelled in the katakana as “paachii” and not the usual “paatii”. Renga has a tendecy to say English words wrong. While “friends” is spelled the correct way, both words have been “mispelled” to drive the point home. For Renga & Kinari: なぁぜなぁぜ (naaze, naaze) is JPN Gen-Z slang from Tiktok. It’s a statement made as an act for complaining, with a bit of sarcasm and irony thrown in at times. Like, “I said I wanna diet but I ate a big meal anyway! なぁぜなぁぜ” or “I’m an idol but I get more anxious doing improv than performances! なぁぜなぁぜ”. Best way I can describe the usage in this context is Renga is throwing a bit of a self-aware tantrum as to why Kinari would correct him. (As mentioned earlier, he isn’t good at English). I guessed a close equivalent would be “nuh-uh”, since that is a dismissal of someone else’s opinion without actual good reason, even if the other person has a point. For Renga & Netaro: まんまん (manman) means “a lot” but I also believe it’s a reference to meatbuns (nikuman). For Kafka & Yodaka: Hanbei is Takenaka Shigeharu, a Japanese samurai from the Sengoku era. He was known for being Toyotomi Hideyoshi’s strategist. For Liguang & Yodaka: 闘牌伝 (touhaiden) is related to Mahjong stuff. 闘牌伝 seems to be an old timey Mahjong video game with RPG elements. Rekka is a fighting game term, and I will quote the website The Fighting Game Glossary by Infil on this: “A type of special move that has multiple stages, as long as you input more commands to continue the sequence. Not all multi-part specials can be called rekkas though; a rekka tends to have exactly three distinct parts and will move your character forward along the ground with each new input.”  For Akuta & Nanaki: They went to the same kindergarten and were grouped together in the “Oden Class”. Japanese kindergartens, from my understanding from researching, tend to have a name for their class, rather than a number. To give an idea what such names could be, in 2019 the website hyenasclubs hosted a poll of most commonly used names for classes, and the top 3 were “baby chick” (hiyoko), “peach” (momo) and “dandelion” (tanpopo). For Akuta & Muneuji: My take on はっけよい輝矢部屋 (hakkeyoi kaguya heya) is a bit of an elaborate bit joking with Princess Kaguya of the Moon (from Tale of the Bamboo Cutter) because I was wondering why they suddenly opted for Muneuji’s last name instead of first. (I might’ve also just overestimated Kaguya Heya being some joke on Kaguya Hime). Hakkeyoi is what a referee shouts at the start of a sumo wrestling match. For Akuta & Ushio: I think ポジティブに腕押し (positive ni ude oshi) is a take on 暖簾に腕押し (noren ni ude oshi) that means something has no effect or is pointless. Lit. it means “pushing a curtain with one's arm”.    For Akuta & Tao: Akuta Nine is a joke on the baseball movie Gyakkyo Nine which is an adaptation of the manga of the same series, I believe. The movie is referred to as GK9, hence I made it AKT9.  For Akuta & Ryui: The original is OYAxKOBU which comes from 親分子分 (oyabunkobun) meaning “boss and his underlings”. Akuta also calls Ryui by “Oyabun”.

For Kiroku & Nanaki: Weebs who watch highschool anime should be familiar with this, but emergency staircase refers to the hallway stairs in a JPN highschool that are sometimes used as chilling out spots by students. For Kiroku & Chihiro: TuRyStA is the clothing brand they wear. 18TRIP has a various selection of clothing brands, which each character having a preference for one or another. For Kiroku & Yodaka: Zhao Yun, as quoted by Wikipedia, “was a military general who lived during the late Eastern Han dynasty and early Three Kingdoms period of China.” For Ushio & Raito: Some heavy freedom was taken with バスボムしゅわリスト (basubamu shuwaristo). After considering how to approach it in the most sensical way, I decided to translate it as “bubblist” due the other options being “hand sign list” or “bubble list”. I thought リスト might function as in -ist, like dentist, artist, guitarist. しゅわ comes from しゅわしゅわ which means bubbly. Although bubblist isn’t not that common, it is sometimes referred to entertainers that do bubble performances (in English). And I think it made more sense than “hand sign list” or “bubble list” to say the least. This was also taking in consideration how 18TRIP, as explained in the intro, gets very creative with its language usage. For Raito & Nagi: Mandarin ducks symbolize “soulmates” of some kind in China. In other words, Mandarin Duck Touring is more along the lines of “Motorcycle touring soulmates”. However, I find the mandarin duck reference and interesting pull compared to just “soulmates”, so it was kept as is. For Kinari & Ryui: “Super Darling Gap Inspection” is more along the original lines. “Gap” in Japanese is usually used in the context of when someone acts one way, but unexpectedly, can act a different way. Ex. A very shy person shows they can be super vulgar, that can be considered a “gap” of some kind. In English, people are more familiar with “gap moe”, thus gap moe was used. For Tao & Nagi: Might be a reference to Yokohama’s Zo-no-hana (Elephant Nose) Park. For Toi & Yodaka: The original is more along the lines of, in the most literal sense, “going around raisins circle (of friends).” Toi likes raisins, but Yodaka doesn’t, so Yodaka passes them onto Toi. I’ve turned into on a play on “sharing is caring” since that’s a common concept in English.

[laurenairay]

Lately you've been on my mind - E. Pettersson

I’m jumping in as a pinch-hitter as part of @wyattjohnston’s winter fic exchange, with an Elias Pettersson story for @typical-simplelove! I really hope you enjoy this Claudia– I had a lot of fun creating something from the prompts you gave me, and I was just so inspired that I wrote it all in one day! And thank you Demi, for being a sounding board for me as I put together my ideas.

Summary: Brock Boeser is the ultimate match maker – he knows he is. And he is determined to set his friends up.

a.k.a. you and Elias are both friends with Brock, and keep finding yourselves in moments alone.

Words: 4.9k

Warnings: idiots to lovers, self-doubt, Brock is a meddler

Title from: Adore you, by Harry Styles

~

2019 was already shaping up to be a fantastic year. The sun was shining brightly, the January air was crisp and cold, and you had Spanish Banks dog park essentially to yourself, seeing that it was excruciatingly early in the morning.

But damn if the views of the North Shore mountains weren’t worth it. Your dog seemed to agree, with the way he was running up and down the sand. You’d lived in Vancouver all your 20 years so far, still living with your parents where you’d decided not to go to university, and it was moments like this that reminded you just how fortunate you were.

Your peace and quiet lasted for all of another half an hour before you heard enthusiastic barking from behind you. Recalling your dog to your side – which only took a couple of attempts, which was an improvement – you turned your head to see what was coming your way, only to freeze at the guy you saw walking towards you.

A guy that was clearly the up-and-coming star of your family’s favourite sports team, the Vancouver Canucks. Brock Boeser, in the flesh.

“Hey, sorry for interrupting your quiet.”

His smile tightened slightly when he realised you clearly knew who he was, with whatever your face was doing, but you quickly shook your head to reassure him. No, he was here just the same as you, to walk his dog. You could be cool with that.

“It’s a beautiful off-leash park – it would be a shame not to share it,” you shrugged, smiling back at him.

Brock immediately relaxed, easy a tension you didn’t realise you had.

“Who’s this beautiful pup, hm?”

“This is Bailey. I’ve had him, like, three months now? He’s only 18 months old so he’s still learning not to jump up, but he tries his best,” you mused.

“He’s perfect…”

Yes, Brock was definitely a dog person.

“…a border collie, right?”

“Yeah that’s right. He was abandoned a few months ago at a shelter my mom volunteers at, and I barely had to beg her to let me adopt him,” you laughed.

Brock just grinned. “Coola was a rescue dog as well. I adopted him back in February last year, after the All Star Game, but he lived in Minnesota with my parents while I finished my rookie year. I know the feeling of not being able to resist a sweet little dog.”

At least he understood.

With a smile, you motioned for Bailey that he was allowed to run again, and within moments Coola was joining him, the two dogs playing in the surf.

“So, you live here then?”

You and Brock walked your dogs for nearly another hour, the two of you talking like you’d known each other all your lives, before Bailey flopped at your feet, a clear sign he was done and ready to leave.

“Looks like that’s my cue,” you said dryly, making Brock laugh.

“Definitely,” he teased, “but hey, maybe we could exchange numbers? I’d love to walk Coola with you and Bailey again, now that I know they’re friends.”

You hesitated slightly, unsure whether he actually meant that, but the earnestness in his eyes told you everything you needed to know.

“Sure, I’d like that. Bailey could use all the friends he could get,” you mused.

Brock just grinned.

“I don’t know, I have a feeling we’re going to be pretty good friends as well.”

~

Nearly five years on and you were (somehow) genuine friends with Brock. He’d been right, against all odds. There was just something about his straightforward friendship that made your life that little bit easier, knowing that you could rely on him to be a breath of fresh air, no drama. And you knew he appreciated your chilled approach to pretty much everything, never judging him, always his biggest supporter – both on the team and for him as a person. Brock Boeser was probably one of the best friends you’d ever had, and you cherished everything about him, like an older brother you didn’t realise you needed.

Brock had always insisted that you needed to be integrated into every part of his life, so you spent more time with his team than you ever thought you would (and hadn’t that been a starstruck moment, when you’d first attended a team gathering). He pretty much brought you to all gatherings, events, and anything to do with Coola (and now Milo), and while at first it had been overwhelming, you’d quickly adjusted when you realised just how ridiculous his teammates were.

So it wasn’t a surprise to Elias Pettersson when he walked into Brock’s house and saw you sitting on the sofa surrounded by dogs.

“Well this looks cosy.”

You grinned at his teasing words, waving him over. “It’s good to see you too, Elias.”

He shared a small private smile with you, lifting Milo’s legs to take a seat on the sofa next to you. The dog in question huffed out his displeasure but didn’t move, allowing Elias to settle in properly.

This guy, more than anyone else, was the teammate you enjoyed spending the most time with alongside Brock. Elias was definitely the most sane of all Brock’s Vancouver friends, and his dry sense of humour always had you in stitches. It was rare that he showed much of himself to anyone, as reserved as he was, but the more you’d gotten to know him over the years, the more you recognised the little signs of his reactions and collated them like hoarded treasure. And the more that Elias had gotten to know you, the more willing he seemed to be to share jokes and smiles and laughter with you, forging a friendship of your own.

And yes, sure, you couldn’t deny that you found him attractive – you’d be crazy or blind to think otherwise - but he’d never shown a hint of interest towards you in that way. And there was no way you’d ever say anything unless you were sure things were reciprocated (there was just no way), so you were more than happy to have him as a friend. Elias Pettersson was an unmistakeable joy in your life, and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin that.

He really was so handsome though.

“I’m surprised Brock isn’t buried under puppies like usual,” Elias said.

“We haven’t been long back from walking the dogs, so I said I’d get them settled while he showered and got ready to head out with you,” you explained, running your hand over your Bailey’s head.

“He does need to look pretty enough to leave the house, that’s true,” he mused.

You couldn’t help but laugh, the both of you knowing Brock needed no help in looking pretty, Elias just smiling widely.

It just goes to show how wrapped up you were in Elias’s attention that neither of you noticed Brock standing at the bottom of the stairs, eyes lighting up at your laughter and Elias’s smile.

~

It was early, far too early, but here you were fulfilling Bailey’s every need. You were wrapped up warm, puffer jacket, woollen hat, gloves, and scarf, walking your border collie through Hadden Park, allowing the travel mug of coffee to wake you up fully while you took in the views surrounding you. Bailey was in his element, trotting about and sniffing every single leaf and twig, and it was only your phone buzzing that broke you out of your silent contentment.

From: Brock Hey, are you walking Bailey?

To: Brock Yeah we’re at Hadden Park Wasn’t sure if you would be getting up early after your game last night so I didn’t text

From: Brock Hah yeah fair enough Do you mind if Petey comes along?

You tried not to fantasise about why Elias was so willing to join you both on a dog walk, so early on a day off. You tried so hard.

To: Brock Of course I don’t mind

From: Brock Of course?

You felt heat dancing across your cheeks. Damn it Brock.

To: Brock You know I think Petey is great.

From: Brock Well I definitely do now.

You groaned, already able to picture the smirk on your friend’s face.

To: Brock Don’t be dumb I’ll see you soon

The last thing you needed was Brock teasing you, especially in front of Elias. The last thing you wanted was Elias to feel uncomfortable around you, just because you find him attractive. The last thing you could bear would be if you lost your friendship with Elias just because Brock was reading into things that weren’t true.

But there was nothing you could do for damage control until Brock was in front of you. All you could hope was that he didn’t make you look like an idiot.

It couldn’t have been more than 20 minutes before you saw the familiar pair walking towards you, dogs at Brock’s side, and you found yourself smiling despite your trepidation. You gave them both hugs in greeting, travel mug long empty and placed in your bag, Bailey barking happily.

“What a beautiful morning,” Brock said happily.

“Cold but beautiful, sure,” you mused.

Elias nodded his agreement, thick scarf wrapped in loops around him, Brock just laughing.

“Petey, you don’t mind taking Coola while I walk Milo, do you?” Brock asked.

Elias narrowed his eyes, as if trying to read into Brock’s words, but Brock just kept smiling at him.

“Sure, I can walk Coola,” Elias eventually said.

“Great!”

The moment that Coola’s leash was in Elias’s hands, Coola darted forward, Elias crashing directly into your body. It was only through his quick reflexes that you didn’t end up on your ass, his hands clutching at your hips while you clung to his jacket.

“Coola! Chill!”

Brock’s giggled words did little to calm his dog down, all three dogs dancing around your feet as Elias steadied you. His face was impossibly close to yours, breath practically mingling. How had you not realised how blue his eyes were before this? His lips were parted slightly, as if he was still processing, but it was only when Bailey bumped into both of your legs that he abruptly let you go, and you dropped your hands too.

“Sorry, sorry,” he blurted, stepping away sharply.

“No apologies needed. It wasn’t your fault,” you said, shaking your head with a weak smile.

“Aww you can’t blame Coola for being excited,” Brock grinned, kneeling down to give fuss to both his dogs.

There was something in his smile that you just couldn’t put your finger on. Hm.

“Shall we walk then, if they’re so excited?” Elias said dryly.

All three dogs started barking at the word ‘walk’, making you laugh and nod, Brock just grinning even wider.

~

From: Brock Petey is taking the roadtrip losses really hard. Come over tomorrow?

~

You don’t know what it was that possessed you, but the moment you received those texts from Brock, you knew you had to do something. Elias was such a stoic guy, so reserved in his emotions, so the fact that it was obvious enough he was suffering that Brock asked for your help? There was no way you weren’t going to do everything in your power to ease any tensions they had, especially Elias.

There wasn’t much you could do, but you could do this.

When you arrived at Brock’s house the next morning, you were only mildly startled to see Elias opening the door instead of Brock, his eyes flashing in surprise before he smiled.

“Did Brock not say I was coming over?” you said hesitantly.

The last thing you wanted was to intrude.

“He said we were going for brunch, but this is a welcome surprise,” Elias said, smiling softly.

Oh. Now you felt stupid.

Wait, a welcome surprise?

“I don’t know what is making your face do that, but I’m not lying when I say it’s good to see you,” Elias said firmly.

“Alright, I believe you,” you mused.

Elias just grinned, walking over to the bottom of the staircase.

“SHE’S HERE!”

“GOOD! YOU’RE COMING FOR BRUNCH, RIGHT?”

You rolled your eyes fondly at Brock’s assumptions. It wasn’t like you had much else planned for today, but still!

“YEAH I’LL COME!”

Elias laughed at your matching volume, making you smile back at him, a light flush dusting across your cheeks. His laugh was magical and you weren’t going to shame yourself for liking it.

“Brock’s just finishing his hair and then he’ll be down. That’s what he said anyway,” Elias explained, sitting down on the arm of Brock’s sofa.

“He’s got an image to maintain, can’t be looking anything less than perfect,” you teased, the familiar joke making you smile.

Elias just snickered, shaking his head. You leaned up against the back of the sofa, standing close enough to Elias that the blue of his eyes was almost hypnotising, before you remembered why you came over in the first place.

“It feels a little silly now, but I heard from a little bird that you were taking things a little rough, so here’s a little something,” you said.

“Brock needs to keep his mouth shut,” he grumbled.

You just laughed, reaching into your bag to pull out the gift. But as you placed it in his hands, Elias froze.

“What’s this?” Elias said, eyes wide in shock.

You bit your bottom lip, before letting out a shaky breath. Here goes nothing.

“You were having a bad day. So I made you a hat,” you said simply, trying to keep your voice light and airy.

“You made me a hat? You knitted this?”

Elias stared down in wonder at the soft light blue woollen bundle in his hand, a look of pure astonishment on his face. It was only then that you realised how close it was to the colour of his eyes.

“Uh, yes, I did? I got back into knitting recently, so it’s nothing fancy, but I just wanted to make something to cheer you up?” you said, trying not to cringe at yourself.

“No-one’s ever done anything like this for me before.”

Your lips parted in surprise at his soft words.

“Really?”

“Really really,” Elias nodded.

“I’ve never had a hat made for me either.”

You flinched at the sound of Brock’s voice coming from behind you, Elias immediately scowling over your shoulder.

“Wouldn’t want to cover up your Prince Charming hair,” Elias grumbled, shoving the hat into the pocket of his hoodie.

You didn’t mention the dark blue hat you’d knitted for Brock that was tucked into your bag. Brock pouted as you snickered, slinking into the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone again.

“Look, I know it’s not really my place. And that we’re just friends because of Brock. But these losses were just a bad blip – you’re going to get over them in no time at all, and be back to destroying the other teams like you were born to,”

Elias smiled wryly. “It doesn’t feel like that right now. But thanks.”

You pursed your lips briefly before huffing out a breath. Telling him what you really thought was hardly the most embarrassing thing you’d ever done.

“You make me so proud. You know that, right?”

“What?” Elias frowned.

“You go out there, every single day, and give this team, this city, your all. Your pour yourself into everything that you do, always give 100%, and as your friend, as someone who has known you for years…I am so proud of you.”

As your cheeks heated from your words, Elias swallowed heavily, a flush dusting across his own cheeks.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve this, to deserve your kind words, but I appreciate it. Thank you,” he murmured.

Your heartbeat raced at the intensity in his eyes.

“Brunch? Can we go?”

Elias scowled again at Brock’s grinning interruption but walked away towards the front door. You were read to grumble at Brock yourself, until you saw Elias pull the knitted hat out of his pocket and slide it on over his hair. It looked…perfect.

“Are you good?” Brock asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I’m great.”

Your voice was far breathier than you would ever admit.

*

Another month, another team event. This time Brock had invited you to be his plus one to a formal gala, hardly the first time he had asked and yet this time he practically begged you to come along. You didn’t need him to beg, you could admit that much – the events were always fun and hey, you got to dress up nicely – but his behaviour was strange, even for him.

Either way, Brock had looked ecstatic when you said yes, even going as buying you a gorgeous midnight blue evening gown, sleeveless and high-necked, as classy as it was beautiful, so you were going to complain. He could have his secrets – you knew you’d get it out of him eventually.

He picked you up after you’d gotten your hair and nails done, make-up subtle but elegant, wide smile on his face as he drove the two of you to the event. You didn’t have time to be suspicious about his good mood as the two of you greeted his teammates and their better halves, your attention consumed by all the cheek kisses and compliments, but you should’ve known he was up to something. Because the moment that the two of you joined Elias at a table with a few chairs around it, Brock all but disappeared, leaving the two of you completely alone.

“Hi Brock. Bye Brock,” Elias said dryly.

“I have no idea what’s gotten into him tonight, I am so sorry,” you sighed.

“Hey, no, don’t apologise for him. I’m sorry that he’s abandoned you already,” Elias said, frowning.

“Well at least I’m near a chair,” you said, huffing out a laugh, “High heels are not my friends.”

Elias immediately pulled a chair out for you to sit on, and you felt a gentle heat brush across your cheeks at the gentlemanly action.

“Thanks Elias,” you said, more shocked than anything.

Not too shocked to smile at him as he sat down right next to you, after picking up a couple of flutes of champagne from a passing waiter. If he wanted to join you…well, you weren’t going to complain. Not if you got his attention all to yourself.

It can’t have been more than an hour before Brock wandered back over, but by the flush on his cheeks and the glassiness of his eyes, he was more than a little tipsy. Damn it Brock.

“You’re not going to ask this beautiful woman to dance, Petey?”

Elias immediately blushed furiously, eyes narrowing at his friend, making you want to die a little inside – but also to shield him.

“Oh no, these heels are killing my feet already. Elias is just being kind enough to keep me company,” you said sweetly.

Brock snickered, shaking his head, but walked away without any further pestering. You both sat there for a moment in silence, reeling from the short conversation. What the hell was that, Brock?

“You didn’t have to make up a lie to defend me,” Elias said, finally looking at you again.

“I wanted to.”

The mortification that filled your body upon your blurted words was immediate and all-consuming, especially with how surprised Elias looked. How could you save this? How the hell could you save this?

“Besides it’s the least I could do for Brock dumping me on you in the first place,” you said coolly, shrugging, trying to calm yourself down and failing miserably.

Elias hesitated before something flashed across his face, and he looked at you with an expression you’d never seen from him before. It made you shiver. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Oh.

Oh.

He…really?

You’d spent so long convinced that he didn’t see you that way, that he wasn’t attracted to you in the slightest, and now that he’d said this? Giving you enough to let yourself hope, to admit to yourself that your sweetest daydreams and deepest fantasies could actually be reality?

While your mind raced, full of swirling realisations that perhaps things weren’t so unrequited after all, Elias just watched you, expression just as intense as before. It wasn’t until you let out a shaky breath, smiling a tiny smile at him, that he nodded, clearing his throat.

“Another drink?”

“Yes, definitely.”

*

Movie nights were sacred. It didn’t matter who they were with, not really, but now that you had your own tiny apartment, a night in watching your favourite movies and eating your favourite snacks was always the best way to unwind. Usually Brock was your only companion, or Brock with a few of his teammates, and that was the plan tonight. Brock and Elias were both joining you for a movie night and you couldn’t wait to have a chilled night in with two of your favourite people. Even if your whole world had been shaken up only last week at that eventful team gala.

The pizzas you’d ordered hadn’t long arrived before Elias arrived at your door, beers in hand, and you let him in with a happy smile.

“Thanks for inviting me,” he said, smiling shyly back at you.

Your breath caught in your throat at the sweetness in his face, and you found yourself just nodding.

“You know you’re always welcome. Come on, pizza just got here too.”

Elias all but raced you to the kitchen, making you laugh as he opened the cardboard lids. But your phone buzzed before you could reach for a slice.

From: Brock I can’t make it tonight. Have fun. Both of you.

You heart started racing at his implications, knowing deep in your bones that Brock never intended to come this evening. Had he known all along, how you felt about Elias? And how you hoped Elias felt for you too?

Surely not.

But then again, Brock always surprised you. You had always tried not to underestimate your friend, but it appeared that you’d fallen for that sweet innocent smile just the same as everyone else.

“Is Brock on his way?”

“Brock isn’t coming.”

“Oh.”

Elias seemed to hesitate, making you inhale sharply.

“Did you want to reschedule?” he asked, wincing.

You could be brave, right? Or at least take a step towards bravery?

“You’re already here…so we can still have our own movie night?” you suggested, unable to stop yourself from chewing your bottom lip.

Elias’s eyes flickered down quickly towards your mouth, before he cleared his throat and smiled softly at you. “Yeah, of course we can. Also means we don’t have to listen to Brock whining that we aren’t watching one of his rom com choices.”

The dryness of his tone made you giggle, immediately cutting through the lingering awkward tension. You could absolutely do a movie night just with Elias. You could absolutely handle being alone with him like this.

Absolutely.

The two of you ploughed through the pizzas while you watched one of you go-to action movies, laughing and talking all the way through, even finishing the popcorn and a couple of beers each by the time the credits were rolling. Bailey had happily sat by your feet the whole time, actually behaving himself for once, and you couldn’t remember a time when you’d felt so content. So relaxed and happy. Brock had always brought that out in you, and now that Elias had too? It just filled you with butterflies in the best way.

“Shall we watch another?”

“Definitely,” you nodded, smiling up at him.

Elias smiled easily back. “You choose? I’ll clear up.”

Before you could protest or even help him, Elias had picked up both pizza boxes and all the empty beer bottles, leaving you alone on the sofa. You heard him opening the trash can, snapping you out of your surprise, so you started scrolling through Netflix again, eventually deciding on a light-hearted comedy just as Elias re-entered the room. Bailey had trotted out to his own bed when Elias left, so it really was just the two of you now.

Something that made your breath hitch in your throat was the way that Elias sat down closer to you this time. Unmistakably closer, close enough to feel the heat from his body and to smell his cologne. He did that on purpose, there was no doubt about it. But his face gave you no answers, nothing more than his usual smile around you, so you let it go. Overthinking things was definitely not the way to go, you knew that much.

It didn’t make your heartrate calm down at all though.

You pressed play to get the movie started, lightly tossing the tv remote onto your coffee table before settling back into the sofa, letting the familiar introduction wash over you.

It took ten minutes for everything to change.

Elias wasn’t a big hugger. You knew this. Brock knew this. The whole of the Vancouver Canucks knew this. So when you felt a pressure along your shoulders, you tried not to flinch, realising it was his arm stretching across the back of the sofa when his hand lightly brushed your opposite shoulder. Elias…Elias had put his arm around you. He’d put his arm around you? You glanced up at him, trying to get any sense of his thought process, but his eyes were resolutely glued to the television, his body a frozen line of tension. All over again, your heart started racing. You were right after all. Maybe…maybe Elias really did have feelings for you, just as he’d finally hinted at the team event, and now he was making a gentle move in the most Petey way ever.

The ball was in your court.

Ever so slowly, you relaxed against under his arm, sinking into his side, head resting on his chest. You could hear just how fast his own heart was racing and it made you smile, feeling giddy that he was just as affected as you were, even more so when his arm draped around you properly. This was really happening. Elias Pettersson had really instigated snuggling with you on the sofa. This was better than any dream you could’ve imagined.

The next thing you knew, you were blinking your eyes open. The sky outside was pitch black, the curtains still wide open, and the Netflix landing page was glaring bright. But the main thing you noticed? You were curled up against Elias’s side still, head resting on his chest, his arm having fallen down to your waist and his head lolling back on the sofa. You’d fallen asleep together? Was there anything more cliché than that? Still, it felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest with how right it felt to be in Elias’s hold. His hands were so large and so warm, the heat spreading through the contact on top of your sweatpants. His chest was so solid and calming under your cheek. And as you lifted your head, ever to slightly to look at him properly, even just through the light from the TV he looked so handsome. Beautiful and peaceful. But there was no way that could be comfortable for him, and the last thing you wanted was for an aching neck to put a damper on what was the perfect evening.

So you lightly rested your hand on his chest, shaking him gently until you heard him grunt in displeasure.

“Hey, Elias, we fell asleep on the sofa,” you murmured.

He immediately groaned, making you laugh softly, smiling at him as he finally lifted his head.

“I was having such a good dream,” he grumbled.

Then he seemed to freeze as he realised where he actually was, taking note of how you were still tucked into his side, and where his arm and hand were holding you.

“Damn it, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Hey, no, we both fell asleep eh?” you said, interrupting with a smile and a shake of your head, “It’s fine, Elias. We were both cosy.”

He swallowed heavily before nodding.

“I don’t think I’ve ever fallen asleep on the sofa with someone before,” he mumbled, “It was…nice.”

You felt your cheeks heating up with the gentle compliment, your smile letting him know you felt the same.

“I should go,” he said softly.

No!

Well, now was your moment. Now was the time to be brave where you’d never needed to be so brave before. After everything that had been building between the two of you…now was the moment.

“Or, maybe you could stay, and we could talk in the morning,” you offered as calmly as you could.

You felt Elias inhale sharply where your hand was still resting on his chest.

“The kind of talk that I’ve been wanting to have for a while?” he asked, hope evident in his eyes.

Oh wow.

For a while?

You felt like you were floating as his words sunk in.

“Yeah I think we’re on the same page,” you murmured, your blood thrumming with possibility.

The smile that spread across Elias’s face made your heart soar, and you found yourself smiling just as widely back. And when he leant forward to press a soft kiss to your forehead, you’d never felt more alive.

You could only imagine Brock’s satisfied grin when you told him.

[funnycreatortimetravel]

Small rant about Sans' character that no one is ever going to read and is probably kind of inaccurate, but I'm going to scream into the void nonetheless because why the hell not and I'm kind of bored.

I feel like the concept of Sans as a whole has been so utterly gutted by the fandom and not in the way you'd think. Not because of the AUs which are all so oddly Sans-focused (but at least we have Underverse which is actually pretty good) but in the sense of the people who claim to "actually understand Sans canonically" and "try to stay as canon as possible" while also equally missing the point sort of. Hence, why we have this long and overplayed image I'm sure everyone has seen a billion times:

If I could lay some groundwork down, Undertale came out in 2015, nearly a decade ago. The internet was a different time and place then and fandom creativity reached new peaks that no one had ever seen before, and as a result, a lot of Undertale was exaggerated, changed, cut up, and then put back together. Why? Because in all honesty, Undertale was a really simple game with a simple premise. Sure there were bits and pieces scattered throughout, parts like who Gaster was, who Chara was when they were alive, who Sans is in general; all the typical fandom theory shenanigans we've come to expect in the recent years. And in that excitement, Sans became the staple of Undertale pretty much, or at least everything it represented. This macabre, yet adorably misleading game with funny moments and interesting think pieces that people are still speculating about. That's pretty much the basis of Sans. So I get why Sans became the quintessential poster child for such a subversively ambitious game. I get why, then, people try to showcase Sans as this badass God character who knows and remembers all of resets and cries over Papyrus and is just an edge lord in general. It doesn't mean it's accurate in the slightest, but I get the idea of it nonetheless. In the absence of content, and there's a lot of it in Undertale, (I mean, it took me 4 hours to 100% it in the Pacifist and Neutral Routes, and 5 hours to beat Genocide, including the times it took me to beat Undyne because she thoroughly kicked my ass and Sans as well) the fans filled those gaps with what they saw fit and what they saw fit was so wide and diverse that the gap overflowed and the game pretty much became unrecognizable.

And I (except for the truly questionable and gross stuff, you know what I'm talking about) love the fandom for that, I truly do. Just the sheer number of comics, spin-off games, AUs, art, and fanfiction that answered every question I had and more was and is impressive, but even so, there's only so much that can be done with the context Undertale provides us before the content gets...stale. Hence my point on why Sans' character was so exaggerated is because Undertale as a whole had been exaggerated and oversaturated and overplayed and generally...not what the game or Sans was originally. But that was peak 2016-2019, though, a few years ago. And the interpretations and eras, like everything, have changed.

Now back to my actual point. It's now 2024. The fandom has noticeably slowed down. All of the AUs and theories and fanfictions that were popular have either been forgotten about over the years, randomly rediscovered or still ongoing, or just abandoned entirely. The game has been pretty much combed through until every file has been cracked, every document leaked, and every secret discovered. It's like a picked over turkey at this point and a lot of the old creators have indeed left behind the game in pursuit of newer things, which is understandable. It's not the center of attention it once was and in that wake, we don't really have a lot of the same pillars in the Undertale community that we used to. And in this transformed community, we have the left over children, now young adults and teenagers, to pick up the pieces. And in that, Sans' character, as well as Undertale itself, has again, been reformed.

That was a lot of words. But I hope I at least set the center stage. My issue, pretty much, is that the leftover fans deem themselves as "above the cringe" the old fandom left behind, which, is fair enough. And in doing so, a lot of the foundation of the 2016-2019 Undertale fandom was kind of overwritten. No, now Sans is no longer this edgy, overpowered God figure ready to right the wrongs of the player, no, now he's this apathetic guy who doesn't care about anyone, including himself, and is only powerful because he cheated. And to be fair, I see some merit in this interpretation. Sans is in fact, a pretty morally ambiguous guy. He doesn't even attempt to stop the player during the genocide route until there's nothing left. He threatens the player on the pacifist route even when we pose no threat. He makes so many allusions about himself not caring about anything. So I get it. Everyone is tired of everything Sans-related. I was too at one point. But in trying to counteract this fanon interpretation of Sans, I feel like this new one is also semi-inaccurate. This new interpretation of Sans is meant to be seen as "mature" and "not cringe" when in fact, Undertale is and always will be sort of cringe. And that's OK! That's why I and others love the game so much, because it's not afraid of being anything other than what it is and what it claimed to be. It had a story in mind that it wanted to tell and it did so unabashedly. The need to separate Undertale and Sans itself from the cringe is so pointless and almost a little juvenile. And imo, even ruins the character of Sans himself.

Sans does care about Papyrus, so so so much. He reads him bedtime stories. He plays along with his illusions of grandeur. He calls out the player when he's killed, despite Sans having to remain objective as a judge. I feel like Sans not intervening in Papyrus' death isn't because he doesn't care, it's because his entire job is to act as a judge and in a position where he's mostly neutral. He knows the player has powers to redo and undo things, so thus, he gives us room to make those choices, for better or worse. He's like, the anti-toriel. He refuses to hold your hand. He tells YOU to make the right choice, and by you, I mean the player. And in that sense, I feel like that's not something a completely apathetic guy would do. Someone like that wouldn't even see the point of choices, of having an option. Someone like that wouldn't care about getting out of bed in the morning, getting several jobs, or telling a person with higher power to just engage with your brother.

Like come on, don't say he doesn't put effort into anything, like he went out of his way to make sure Pap's Holiday party went perfect. He's constantly going above and beyond for his brother.

Sans has emotions and they're so complex and so well-written, but I feel like this counter-cringe culture of the fandom wants him to be this guy who's either too depressed or too lazy to engage with others, or someone who would simply shrug off the death of loved ones when we have proof that Sans does indeed try hard for Papyrus in the ending where everyone dies but his brother. It's an "oh shit" sort of moment when he realizes that Papyrus is the only person he has left and thus, he puts in the effort to be better for him. It's not that he doesn't care or see the point, he's just kind of numb at this point. If Papyrus dies in the neutral routes, you don't see Sans again until the judgment hall and he'll call you a dirty brother killer and tell you to go to hell. That's something someone who at least cares a little would do. He's not above insulting the player and he's not above getting pissed. I've never really seen him as a, "well that's that then," character when it comes to Papyrus dying, for me, it's always been, "I'm angry, but I can maintain my composure and still do what I have to do."

Even in the genocide routes, Sans wants to give up and do nothing. He wants to let himself die without much thought. But he knows that he has to stand between you and oblivion. It's another, "Oh shit" moment, but in the opposite way. He knows he's gonna die. But he still has hope. Not necessarily that you'll be a good person, but that you can try another way and make better choices. He embodies the same mentality Papyrus did at the beginning of the run, believing there's a better chance for another future where everyone can be happy.

Sans isn't a nihilist, not all the way. There's still a chance, still a part of him that has hope for everything, regardless of the route. And should the Pacifist route be completed, you'll see that he's genuinely happy. He DOES care, or at least he's beginning to know that caring about things is ok and healthy even.

Ex 1: If you go to Sans' lab after completing a True Pacifist Route, you get this bit of dialog:

Ex 2: Sans and Papyrus talking about a Christmas party they had on the Newsletter of the 5th Anniversary of Undertale.

The strongest, yet most complex example of this that we see is that he upholds his promise with Toriel and will continue to do so until the genocide route at the very end because he wants to at least give us, the player, a chance. And even if it was a cop-out for being lazy, I believe that Sans legitimately believes there's a chance for us to turn around and be a better person, or at the very least, make better choices. We know that Sans is a person who doesn't like making promises at all, and even though he said that his threatening to kill Frisk is a joke, had he not made that promise to Toriel, I can't 100% say that he still wouldn't intervened in the genocide and neutral routes.

And if you think about it, Sans upholding that promise just makes me question him even more. Like, even if you kill his brother, so long as you don't kill everyone, he won't kill you just because of that. He sticks to his promise and his morals so much, even if it costs him everything because well, what type of judge would he be if he didn't stick to his moral code?

"If you have some special power, don't you think it's your responsibility to do the right thing?"

And by that logic, if he made a promise with someone, don't you think he'd feel he'd have the responsibility to uphold it?

We also know that he makes an effort to give us updates on the Underground after we leave in the neutral routes because he still wants us to know, at least, the consequences of our actions, so it's not like he's just lazily letting us get away with anything with do (even if he does physically.) He still holds our actions above our heads. He still keeps his promise. He still knows that we can make a better outcome. And if that doesn't say anything about him, I don't know what does.

Even in the neutral route endings where things are objectively going terribly for the monsters with Frisk killing Asgore and taking the souls to leave the barrier, Sans still never gives up. Sans, of all people.

And sure, Sans isn't a saint, not by a long shot, but he does have some moral weight in the long run, and by playing the part of a judge, he has a certain level of disattachment that's necessary when it comes to doing his job. Nowadays, I don't see the "fanon" sans that everyone loves to rag on, the one that's overly emotional and jarringly out of character, more so, I see everyone ragging on that interpretation, and then coming up with an equally inaccurate interpretation of Sans just not giving a shit and letting Frisk get away with everything just because he's "not emotional and only wants to be lazy, blah, blah, blah, nihilism, existentialism, it's more canonically accurate, unlike that CRINGE FANON SANS!" /or being a total unserious prankster with no other personality traits, and that's equally as jarring for me.

So in conclusion, I feel like "Fanon" Sans, the one where he's breaking down and sobbing over Papyrus and holding his scarf is just as inaccurate as the "more canon one" where he's apathetic and simply just not caring about his death, or at the very best, says "it is what it is." Sans is a character whose emotions aren't apparent, but he still does care in his weird philosophical way. He loves Papyrus and genuinely thinks he's cool. He's a jokester character who loves a good laugh and being laid back. He doesn't like putting in effort, but he will if he has to. He wants the player to make good choices, so he generally tries to stay out of the way to give us that freedom. Not because he knows we're gonna kill Papyrus, but because he knows we have greater power and wants us to use it to do the morally right thing. He isn't above doing morally grey things either, like threatening to kill Frisk in case they pose a threat to monster kind, but I believe even then, his hesitation to just accept a human in the underground is somewhat understandable given the oppressive tension between humans and monsters. Additionally, he does put in effort when it comes to caring about monsters other than Papyrus, Toriel, and even Alphys and Asgore, he cares about them all: (it's implied that he feeds the amalgamates in Alphy's old lab as proven by the same dog food we see in the lab being in Sans' house and Alphys even calls him a good guy because he helps her in the aborted genocide route ending, him telling jokes to Toriel and genuinely trying to bring some joy in her life even though she's a stranger and doesn't have an obligation to, even staying with her in the Ruins after she's dethroned in the Queen Undyne ending, him acting as the judge before Asgore and even being in such an important position requires you to have a solid sense of morality and conviction, his respect for Undyne as a warrior/leader depending on the ending and in the Undertale Newsletter, he makes an effort to score a goal for his team in Hocky, and Undyne of all people seems proud of him, and pretty much everything that has to do with Papyrus he's at the very least involved or interested in.)

My words don't have a lot of merit. I'm simply saying how I interpret things. But as a big sister, I see Sans as a good big brother who's not too involved, but also deeply cares about his younger brother and his friends. I get that stoicism and being "logical" and "cold" is the new trend and whatnot with all these edits of badass characters and longing for a time when everything was less...emotional, but in doing that, it shuts a lot of discussion about Sans as a person and his complex emotions as a whole. I feel like it's too difficult and kind of silly to chalk him up as either one or the other. I feel like there's a nice middle ground between the "cringe" fanon sans and the "cool, apathetic" canon sans that a lot of fans either go one or the other on. Anyway, that's about it for my rant. It's kind of nonsensical and a little hard to follow, but I hope I was able to get my thoughts across nonetheless.

I guess it was a big rant after all. Oh well. It is what it is.

[jesncin]

Are you at all excited for the upcoming Absolute Martian Manhunter book later this year? It'll be the most high-profile launch J'onn has been a part of for a long while, being DC's attempt at an "Ultimate Marvel" line. Given how the approach seems to be defined by removing elements of the characters' status quo - Superman has no Krypton tech, Batman is not a billionaire, Wonder Woman is the last of the Amazons etc. - I think there's a very real possibility that for J'onn they'd pivot in the opposite direction and give us a living Martian society. If only because J'onn has so little anyway, there's not as much to remove as with other members of the League, so the logical thing would be adding something back in to shake things up. I'm personally hoping for some combination of Weird and Noir.

I'm absolutely (heh) excited for it (because a new refreshing change even in an elseworld story is exactly what J'onn needs right now!) but also cautious and,,, concerned. DC's revealed the Absolute gimmicks for just about all the other solo supers but J'onn is essentially still a rumor? What's going on there? I was also concerned when Superman's Absolute gimmick was supposedly "he'll be more alien than human" "he doesn't have a fortress of solitude, no Kents, etc" which,,, sounds a lot like J'onn tbh but we'll have to wait and see. Sometimes writers do this thing where they try to do something new with Superman and it's just re-worked J'onn lore. And J'onn lore is fundamentally flawed so in turn that take on Superman doesn't work, but that's just me with early concerns.

Ooh! That's a good point actually! That feels like the most logical shakeup they could do, and YJa helped warm people up to the idea of a living Mars (which I also agree would spice things up and differentiate J'onn from Clark more). And I'd absolutely (heh) love more supernatural-weird-noir for J'onn! We finally had J'onn play into being a martian detective in the 2019 Identity run, but it was more cop drama than detective noir which I would love to see. My only addendum to the idea of a living Mars as an Absolute gimmick is, since YJa popularized this already, what else will this take do to innovate on that idea? My personal wish list is:

Revitalize J'onn's cast system (a mix of old and brand new characters. Don't just make him watch tv to care about humans. Give this martian relationships!!)

Figure out his themes outside of grief!! (I love sad Martian man but he needs to do more than that! It's been stagnating his character)

No Justice League stuff or other superhero cameos/team ups. (J'onn NEEDS to prove he can stand on his own as a solo character so he can stop being pigeonholed as the League's heart or therapist.)

Fresh new take on Martian world building (please get rid of Martian racism, it's dumb and never made sense. It's a shapeshifting society and the idea of characters like M'gann essentially "greenfacing" to "pass" is so weird)

Critical reimagining of J'onn's relationship to justice (we need to get rid of or critically examine his relationship to copaganda.)

Integrate Blackness more thoroughly into his character (CW Supergirl and that one Nubia Coronation special comic are still the only takes that have done this. Come on guys!!)

More thorough reflection of J'onn's multiple identities (undoubtedly what makes J'onn special. But the comics rarely dig into what it means for J'onn to be multiple people. I would love it if his identities [especially the racialized ones] weren't treated as so,,,disposable.)

Ma'alefa'ak please (I just want to see him again I don't even care if they do a bad job. However all I ask is he be a green martian and J'onn's twin again. And a slutty design.)

The last time we saw a big overhaul to J'onn's character was the New 52, and the major flaw of that run was that it had no clear thematic intention to how it interpreted his character. So we ended up with just a bunch of references and a convoluted edgy story that doesn't help J'onn become a self sustaining solo character. The Absolute line is the perfect platform to revitalize him as a character, but I hope the writers can think in the long term to combat his foundational issues.

[sysmedsaresexist]

As someone with OSDD (if I’m right) what’s the worst misinfo about DID that us endos discuss in our spaces? /genq

JCYDJFCYS I love this question, I want my mods to jump in, too, but I'm going to spice it up with the worst misinformation from both sides.

For me, Dude, the worst I've seen in endo circles... is that DID is the same thing as mediumship. This is going to seem like I'm vagueing one of two people, but it's not you two (you'll know who you are). There's actually someone from before them that gave me the worst taste for that discourse, and probably made me a lot more angry about it.

In anti circles, it's got to be that dissociation is solely trauma-based. It's the most fundamental misunderstanding that leaks into everything else

I think those are my two biggest peeves.

-

Mod Quill here to say FFFFFF I HATE MISINFO. Gosh it really is in all the communities, too.

In endogenic spaces, it’s hard for me to decide, but I think it’s the idea that the ToSD is ableist because “it supports final fusion” (which is its own can of worms, which I think Mod Robo might touch on, if my guess is correct). The ToSD doesn’t even fucking mention final fusion get off it. I hear about the ToSD being ableist constantly, and genuinely, it seems like just being medical at all in any way is considered ableist…

Meanwhile, anti-endos? Good lord. The worst misinfo I see is the gatekeeping of trauma. “You can’t develop DID from XYZ” — congrats! You’re a fakeclaimer who doesn’t understand how trauma works. I pray no newly discovered systems find you.

-

Mod Robo here! Oh gosh, what misinfo haven't I seen? I swear I've seen the wildest shit!

Some of the worst stuff from pro-endos was them claiming or implying that CDDs are just the "broken" versions of endogenic plurality. I've seen people claim that DID doesn't require trauma, that the DID diagnosis only exists to stigmatize endogenic plurals, and that CDD systems who use terms like "parts" or "alters" just want to dehumanize ourselves and others.

Around 2019, a pro-endo started spreading a rumor that MPD was renamed to DID in order to stigmatize plurals which is just so horribly incorrect. Multiple dissociative disorders were renamed at the same time to have the word 'dissociation' in them, and it was done by a team of researchers. The pro-endo used the previous DSM chairman's ableism to spread lies and drag innocent DID systems into discourse.

Like mod Quill said, there's been a ton of misinfo from pro-endos over ToSD (theory of structural dissociation). I've seen people claim that it's completely bunk because one of the researchers who worked on it (there were multiple) lost his medical license for abusing a patient. I've also seen pro-endos try to apply ToSD to endogenic plurality and conclude that ToSD must be bunk because it doesn't fit? It just makes no sense to me because the theory was created to explain trauma-related dissociation caused by disorders like PTSD and DID, etc... It has nothing to do with plurality.

I've also seen tooons of horrible shit from pro-endos AND anti-endos about final fusion and fused alters/systems. I've seen people say it's comparable to grooming or suicide, or that these systems are just secretly "pluralphobic" and trying to become singlets. Honestly, the hatred and misinfo I've seen people say about fused systems is some of the worst.

As for anti-endos, I've seen lots of bad misinfo too... One of the worst things is gatekeeping common CDD things based on trauma type. For example, saying that nonhuman alters are only possible in systems who experienced ritual abuse. Other common CDD things I've seen anti-endos say can only happen due to ritual abuse: gatekeeper alters, subsystems, polyfragmentation, alters with number names or color names, switching due to triggers, alters who feel loyal to their abusers, alters that other alters can front through, certain headspace stuff like checkered floor tiles, having a headspace in general, etc.

I could say more but my reply is already longer than both Dude's and Quill's combined. I'll just leave it off here!

-

Mod Signal: I like this ask a lot lol. It shows genuine curiosity and a desire to improve spaces. Misinfo collects like dirt around syscourse. We all have to sweep regularly to make sure that shit gets thrown out.

On the pro-endo side, the worst I've seen is endo systems attempting to lean into the fantasy model of CDDs to support their own plurality. That model has been debunked for quite a while, and it has hurt so many goddamn people. CDDs are trauma-based, we don't have to reverse scientific progress or fakeclaim some of the first cases of recorded CDDs to support endo systems.

On the anti-endo side, my least favorite bit of misinformation is the idea that the TOSD shows how different people's trauma ranks in the trauma Olympics. The idea that someone with polyfragmented DID must have had things worse than an OSDD 1B system who must have had things worse than someone with BPD, etc. The level of dissociation required for each label in the DSM relies on so many more factors than just "who had it worse". There are biological dispositions to dissociation to take into account, there's the reminder that what's traumatic to a child isn't always considered traumatic to an adult, there's attachment styles to take into play. There is so much more to the science than "I had it worse than you and I have the diagnosis to prove it".

--

Everyone is welcome to reblog and add their own. This could be a good learning opportunity for people to go, "wait, that's not true??"

[janetkwallace]

Gutsy doesn't have the guts, or how to screw up a season finale

(Warning: Spoilers of Moominvalley Season 4 ahead)

The hell was that ending.

How come no one at Gutsy, from the storyboard team to the artists to the 3d animators to the writers to the editors to the directors to the executive producers looked at the Comet in Moominland episode and said "that ending could be better" or something, or actually anything, did they just nodded in approval as it was done?

It baffles me that they thought it was a neat idea and didn't question how odd of a choice it was to end the series that way. So, In case you don't care about spoilers, well, here it goes:

A big comet approaches Moominvalley, oh no! Everyone (with the exception of a few characters who never appeared again, like Emma, Misabel, Ninny, Fillyjonk's nieces, Teety-Woo, to name a few) goes to Sniff's Cave.

Moomintroll is like: "We must face our fear instead of hiding from it!", despite said fear being a freaking comet that will fry everyone as soon as it reaches Moominvalley. They leave the cave so everyone can die together, which sounds silly but whatever.

Not even once they contemplate their mortality, despite the episode pretending they are. How do you expect the audience to care if not even the characters show any concern to the looming threat on the horizon? Is it too much for children to experience the fear of death or any existential thoughts? I mean, this is Moomins, a series with frozen squirrels, Fillyjonks craving all sorts of disasters and sad pinwheel on the beach episodes. Oh, and a story about child abuse and how we need to listen to the downtrodden to aid their healing, but the 2019 series somehow found a way to screw that up, and I'll probably talk about it later.

What matters is that the Groke appears, and like a fly attracted to a bug zapper, she heads towards the comet, something happens (I don't know exactly what, did she froze the comet, did she ate it, did she explode, it's unclear), but everyone is happy.

Really, everyone just leaves and goes to a party. The comet, as it seems, was just a fleeting glimmer. And the best part, the one that made me laugh to myself because of how dumb it is in retrospect: The Groke dies for everyone's sins and becomes a force ghost that only Moomintroll can see.

The end.

I'm not kidding. This is the season finale's final act. This is how the 2019 Moominvalley series ends. Moomintroll looks at the viewer and we hear the Groke's moan off-screen. She is okay! But where is she? Is she alive? Is she dead? Is this a Schrodinger's Groke? Are we, the audience, supposed to be the Groke? Nah, that would not make any sense.

The Groke, of all characters, sacrificed herself for a bunch of people and it has no impact whatsoever. Like, do you expect everyone to know the symbolism behind the Groke, how she represents loneliness and a desire to feel something she can never attain? And that symbolism isn't even properly established in the series, to begin with, so what's the point of getting rid of the Groke? And she isn't even dead because Gutsy won't say that, and if you can't do something that Shin Moomin did five decades ago and better, then something is wrong. If you can't do something Tove herself did in one of the novels, then something is utterly wrong.

Although, to be fair, why the Groke? Is it so the comet would be gone? How does "the Groke freezing a comet" (I guess) is a better option than "the comet is about to hit the valley but it changes course"? This is like Moominvalley attempting to be its own unique adaptation by taking choices and u-turns in the narrative in order to stand out from the rest, but the result is this convoluted mess that either gets unnoticed or is just strange.

Overall, it was an okay episode. As someone who has seen the worst of humanity through MST3K, Comet in Moominvalley is mostly competent. Eh, at least the music was nice, but the episode could have been a lot better, and who knows, someone may have liked it as it is. I did not, and that's why I wrote all of this.

[prof-peach]

Bit ooc but I have a question. How you do go about planing out your PLA comic? Like how do you actually turn your ideas/ storyline into comic form? Is it chapter to chapter or do you have the whole idea already planned out? Trying to find my own way in comic making so I’m just wondering if you could give any advice. Feel free to ignore if you don’t feel comfortable answering

So, at first this was al i could think to send.

because its incredibly accurate to my process.

Jokes aside, a lot of how i work is back and forth chaos, fighting with ideas until im happy with them. I will start with a list (usually not written down because im unhinged and keep a ot of it in my brain) and organise it in a way that makes sense to the situation, in this case workign with a game with an established plot...not that its a very strong one.

with a set of ideas, and a game to work around i will ramble and rant to a few choice people who i bounce well off, and also stare into space for hours on end building the ideas. This process can be days, it can be years. For context, i have some notes from 2019 about things i wanted to include that are still relevant. I have been scheming how to break and rebuild this OC for ages. Theres no correct time frame, so long as you simply do the work.

Once i have a fairly loose plan, i start to solidify the benning and the end. What is required to make a character compelling, what makes them believable, what makes them human in a way that we recognise. this isnt always a positive thing, people like to call characters who do bad things problematic, but its human nature to make mistakes and be damaged or difficult, the process of the story is not always rainbows and sunshine. For me, this hits even harder, as im trying to tell a story from the perspective of someone fundamentally broken, so showing those breaks and cracks has to be done wisely.

This is the point where i make notes about things that need to change from the start to the end. And ill say one thing, this story in particular, I have not solidly planned the middle. I am allowing space for me to come up with new ideas at points. Being locked into a dead set of ideas can be quite limiting, and as creators we consume and process things constantly to generate new stories. Id be a fool to make a plan and stick to it. everything i do is vague guidelines.

However, I know exactly how the story ends in Hisui, and where it goes to from there. And i think me personally knowing the end goal makes it easier to plot steps towards that, and some of those steps are anything but progressive.

If nothing else, the end was the only thing i saw clearly, and it has only become more complex and loaded and emotional as the rest of this has fallen into place. If you can see the goal, you can work out how to get there with time.

Regarding the chapters, i tend to draft plan up like 3-4 of them at a time, and then go in order to sketch out one after the other, so i have plenty of time to change things while i adjust. its constantly a process of seeing what you make, seeing issues, and scrapping whole parts just to redraw something better or new, unique even. I dont think a single page ive posted has resembled the very VERY first draft thumbnail ive made, and thats just how i do. Every panel, how big they are, the angle you hand the viewer, the way you light things, the expressions, this all dictates SO SO much.

Taking time over it is kind of the job, and let me stress, this is normally a job done by a team, especially the highly popular comics. one inks, one colours, one shades, one handles text, one edits, theres so many people behind it, so dont be bothered by the pace at which things are made if youre working alone like i am. One person means longer production times, if you can, spread the workload out, but its not required. Its why i always say it doesnt matter how long it takes to make, so long as youre still making.

I think its also worth noting, comics are consumed quickly, the bakcgournds and small details can be lost in the ace of the storytelling, pick and choosing your battles is wise, save your time on panels where you want the reader to shift along quicker, keep that pace high, and add in more detail and depth to panels you want to champion or get the viewers to hang around on more. its ok to let go of a "perfect" image in favour of getting content out, if youre being driven nuts by it. Again, time be damned, be happy with it. And if you can let go of petty details, id suggest doing it when possible, so long as it doesnt effect the storytelling.

I mean what else can i even say. This work is a passion project, I love it, more than i can even put into words, and i think you kind of have to, to make comics without monetary motivation. sure you can get lucky and find ways to make it big, but for most of us, its the love of the story. So maybe try not to be your biggest hater, its easy to slip into the behaviour, so try be gentle on yourself and the process. I should take that advice myself haha! but i really do mean it. This is HARD work, so be kind to yourself over it.

anyway, with a rough idea, a bunch of sketches, and time, they get inked and fussed over, i make a billion changes to layout and story, and eventually posting can happen but not after fighting with the monster that is creating. Idk what else i can say. This is not work for the feint of heart, but anyone can learn to do it.

Good luck, comic artists can always use it!

[hkthatgffan]

The fanmade Gravity Falls episode called Return to the Bunker is now out!!

I'll give my 2 cents below so, spoiler alert from here on out!

I loved how the episode was done. The artists did some amazing work with the animation and storyboarding for it. It surpasses in many ways even the work on Deep Woods. The VA's all did an awesome job too, with all of them being very close in getting to the voices of the original characters. I think the story was also really creative, fun and lore/character building. I've always longed for an episode diving into Mabel and Ford's bond and this episode did a great job with it. I also loved stuff like Stan and Dipper bonding, Wendy having more than just a background character role for once, how it explained stuff like the rift crack and especially that insane ending that makes it feel almost like a canon episode.

I have heard some negatives in regards to stuff like how Ford was handled by a lot of the Ford fans in the community which isn't too surprising given his character's love. I will admit personally that I felt Ford could have been handled better and as a retired fanfic and episode idea writer myself, it's not how I would have handled Ford, but I don't think for a sec it was unsalvageable. I think it would have worked better if Ford had more reasoning to why he was acting like that beyond trust no one, or that the end had him perhaps do what he did when they all were asleep so we wouldn't see the heartbreak in Mabel over that, but it is a fan episode. It's not how I would do it or probably Alex Hirsch, but that's us. I also feel there were plot holes here and there that were a bit hard to ignore that made the episode feel a bit clunky compared to how it was advertised.

But truth be told, the effort to put something like this together outweighs the flaws in it and I mean, it's fanmade so it's not actually canon or going to affect the show overall. IMO, Lost Legends had a lot more problems in how it handled the Mabel situation in ways (though that may be a bit of my left over Ford critic speaking from my younger days in the fandom when I was getting into all sorts of arguments over the Mabel issue with Ford fans on GF Amino but that's a tale for another day).

All in all, it was a great episode. If I had to give it a rating, I'd say 7.5/10 or 8/10. A huge congrats to the whole team for finishing it and releasing it. I know from speaking to Deep Woods members just how long and difficult these things can take to make and no matter the story, I'll always have respect for the artists and VA's who bring fan projects like this to life. What other cartoon has a fandom as dedicated as this one? Gravity Falls fans are one of a kind and 11 years on, we still show our love for this show in a greater way than other fandoms ever can.

To sum up, I have my pluses and minuses with this episode. Some are ones most fans will agree on and others will likely be a bit harder to do which I get. But my overall final take on it is good and my final rating out of 10 is a firm 7.5-8. I will agree though that Ford could have been handled better. Even back in 2018-2019 when I was writing fanfics and a bit more..."aggressive," in my stance of Ford to say it lightly, I did my best to write him in a way I felt was more aware and compassionate than RTTB Ford was. I am happy with how the episode handled Mabel however. I was so afraid they'd pull a Don't Dimension It type pattern but it was way better and I felt it was a decent step towards a Ford and Mabel like story. Still a way to go but not horrible.

But those are my two cents on Return to the Bunker.

[mediawhorefics]

i dont know if you've already answered this question before, but what inspired you to write tts? was it a trip to scotland/lighthouse?or the isolation of the pandemic? or something else?

i personally believe both, since you've so beautifully crafted the backdrop of the story, i wonder if one could do that without a visit to the isles? a pandemic retreat to the scottish isles to bring out the best writer in you? and i kow this is assumptious of me since i dont even know where you are from haha.

i also dont really know if i want an answer to that tbh, cause in my head thats how this story was birthed, so if the reality is something different i'll probably ignore it and go believe my version of reality XD

but couldn't stop myself from asking the question regardless. haha.

hiii, that's a great question. i don't know if you actually want the answer, you don't seem too sure yourself dkjfvbjhdf but i'm happy to provide some context ? whether you choose to integrate it into your belief system after that is your decision lmao.

so, i actually wrote/published the story in 2019 before hs2 came out and before the pandemic. so i can't claim that as inspiration for the isolation in the story, though i do find it really interesting that for people who are reading it post-pandemic, it might resonate in completely different ways now.

in terms of the inspiration, it's a little mix of many things? it started as a prompt from an anon in my inbox and substance abuse wasn't necessarily a subject matter i wanted to touch upon, but the idea of a vague coastal b&b as an isolated retreat to heal spoke to me and i wrote a drabble outlining what kind of story i'd write with the prompt and where i would want to set it. i was living in scotland at the time (on a working holiday visa) and while it wasn't on one of those isolated islands in the north, i had done research on fair isle for a different writing project that ended up not happening so when the prompt appeared in my inbox, it was the first place i thought of to set that kind of story.

then people really liked the drabble and it snowballed from there. in many ways, it ended up being my love letter to the place where i was living and to my time there, filled with little easter eggs about my experience there that only i know about. and i think, living by myself in a foreign country at the time and being so so so so so in love with the place where i was living while being so far away from everyone that i knew best, i was really interested thematically in the idea of the differences between loneliness and solitude. and what they mean to me? cos i knew people over there, i had my little found family, but i was alone a lot and not unlike tts!louis, who is based on me in many ways lmao, i fucking loved it. and so, i think that's what sparked the themes of isolation in the story and how it can be a relief sometimes and painful other times and how can we deal with that/articulate that/etc.

so yeah, idk. it is a very personal story. just maybe not quite the way you thought haha.

also, anyone who knows me irl knows that i am obsessed with lighthouses. i have always been. my dream would be to live in a decommissioned lighthouse. so i gave that dream life to tts!louis.

[accio-victuuri]

“big name bxg c-fans earn a lot because cpf give their money to them instead of xz and wyb.” 💀

I wanted to address this comment i saw yesterday but I had to organize my thoughts first as best as i could. I also knew GRA events are gonna take up a lot of my time so i had push it back. However, i want to post about it here even if the topic associated to this didn’t blow up that much (thankfully) cause it irritated me. I’m very used to certain fans having a skewed view of bxgs. I understand that no matter what we say, the prejudice is too heavy to even see reason.

So this is more of to explain to bxgs how this statement is completely wrong and why it shouldn’t even be said in the first place.

Let’s start with the context.

On 11/2, when there was supposed to be an entertainment ban, a few hot search tags popped up. The boys’ name or even BXG was not on it but it sort of involved the fandom. The gist is this person is a former big name BXG account back in 2019 who is now a yxh. They earned a lot from that work and was able to buy “ 8 houses”. That was actually what got on HS, the idea that someone who is working as a yxh can be that rich.

I guess people missed the fact that this person earned the money from yxh “work” and not being a BXG account. Some just saw “bxg” so they made a connection and so the comment i posted above was a common statement. The fact that XZ and WYB are top stars too added to the conversation.

First of all, being a big name account that posts about XZ and WYB back in 2019 isn’t that hard. Untamed was at it’s peak that time and so were the active fans. The drama was airing. They had appearances and were practically everywhere. It would not take that much to get the likes, follows and engagement for 2 people that had a lot of content going on. After that, when 2020 rolled in, I understand how some people on the c-side of things will fall off. They probably had new interests and I think the same goes for that account. They were there at the height of it and learned how being a profitable blog works. So I wanna say that this fan was seasonal. To say that they “represent” all big name bxg blogs is totally unfair.

Next i wanna address the concept of profit and “cpfs giving money to big name accounts”.

The easiest way is engagement to a blogger’s post. It may not be me giving the money in my pocket to them literally but they get earnings from engagement & through ads/ affiliate links. This concept is not new to BXGs. It’s the same as any other influencers out there. So the accusation of spending money to big name accounts instead of supporting the boys — in this case is misleading.

You can argue that a regular person, even so/os fall in this trap when they engage with blatant anti accounts. When they comment and share those posts, they give them the engagement.

Now there are two other ways that bxgs give their actual money to these big name accounts.

1. Fansites. Those that share HQ photos and videos of them during events. How they make money aside from engagement is selling photo-books. What’s important to remember tho is there is an unspoken rule among these sites ( not just bxg ones ) that a huge part of the earnings will be spent on charity and buying endorsements by the boys. they post receipts. Not everyone of them is perfect and some have their own issues and closed down but that’s just how it goes.

2. Fan artists. The concept of fan art & merch have long been alive and is honestly one of the best things about fandom. It gives a chance to artists to make something and earn from it. I have to say that this is the more lucrative one cause the really popular ones have their products ( usually the dolls ) sell out so fast and have months of waiting list. The same fan sites, there is a rule for them to use the money for charity.

Here is a post I made before about some of those charities but that’s a very small list compared to the actual initiatives that were done for years.

As for supporting the boys, these accounts buy endorsements, magazines of them in the cover ( in bulk ), organize LED ads for their birthdays or fandom anniversaries, sponsor peripherals for bxg gatherings, host block screenings for movies etc.

Lastly, however someone spends the money they earned is none of anyone’s business. These people on the internet thinking it’s okay to gloat about how they are the “best fan” out there because of how much they spend on a celebrity is so crass. It’s like giving Yibo a gift and leaving all the tags on cause you want him to know exactly how much you spent on him.

I appreciate fans that do spend. I really do. It helps alot with their brand value and career. I personally buy merch and watch content on paid platforms. However it should not be a way to measure someone’s worth as a fan. There is no need to shame people who want to spend their money elsewhere and not XZ or WYB. This kind of toxic mindset is largely prevalent in c-ent fandoms that some international fans are adapting. If there is something that the CCP and I agree on, it’s that this practice shouldn’t be demanded of fans. The idea of “how dare you spend on something you like” ( whether it’s a product from a big name fan or whatever ) exposes whoever is saying it as that kind of brainwashed fan.

So anyway, participate in the fandom in a way that you are comfortable with. We all have different approaches on how we take part in it and there is really no need to keep receipts. ✌🏼

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Thoughts on Taskmaster s18e08, written as I watch it:

- Babatunde's got me with the commitment to the bit there. Even one moment of explaining that paper plate would have ruined it. With no explanation... I mean, it's lazy and low effort. But not a bad idea, given the remit. I can see why he didn't want to go first.

- It's the detail of Andy's prizes that gets to me. The amount of detail is great, and has been all the way along. He could have just thought of the idea for an aftershave made of mosquito bites, told the production team to make a sign or something that says this, and been done with it. But he came up with an actual way to distill the sensation of mosquito bites, using their saliva. And then put all kinds of extra jokes on the packaging, calling it "malaria-free" and things. And, along with the extra jokes, added extra stuff that makes it fit the prize task remit even better, since the task said something that makes Greg scratch his chin, so Andy added packaging that says this thing is specifically for Greg Davies. And, with this being Andy Zaltzman, obviously he had to throw in a lie that's there for absolutely no reason, calling Greg the 2019 Wimbeldon champion. And threw in a pun, Mosquit-eau. A ludicrously literal interpretation of an instruction, a lie, a pun, unnecessary detail. A very Andy Zaltzman prize.

- Jack explained the only chin-scratching bit of his prize, exactly what would have ruined it for Babatunde. And that has ruined it for Jack.

- So Emma had the same basic idea as Andy, go physical and literal, but she called it "fake chin acne", and fake acne won't make anyone scratch. For a start, she should have just called it "chin acne". Also, scratching acne is quite painful, no one's going to do that for long.

- Everyone has gone very on-brand with this prize task, haven't they? Babatunde does something extremely low-effort but with a decent justification. Emma does something clever but the cleverness falls apart a bit in the execution. Jack is kind of annoying. Andy goes with an unnecessarily detailed literal interpretation, with a pun and a lie thrown in. And Rosie made a sex joke. Well done, everyone.

- I agree with most of that scoring but Andy should have had five. Greg answered Rosie's question almost immediately, that's hardly a cause of chin scratching.

- Hey Alex, how about you leave Andy and his helmet alone? I don't see you being concerned about concussion safety out there.

- Puzzles are fun and all, but I think it would be quite funny if this task were just who can do best on a basic eye test. It would be a creative way to discriminate against disability, but not Rosie Jones'.

- This probably isn't the answer, but I'm not sure how Emma found the word "cheesed" and didn't immediately go into the kitchen to check the cheese. I'd at least have a look there.

- I was surprised that Emma and Baba got grouped on a puzzle task, as they tend to do things very differently from each other. But I see they both found the second clue in on-brand ways. Emma figured out the clue that it's written backwards, Baba wandered around the house and stumbled upon it.

- I speak French quite well, not fluently but I did ten years of French immersion in school and live in a place with a lot of Francophones so I hear it spoken a lot, and I don't know what "socle" means. That's a hard word to put in there for them. Especially since it's the most important word, as without it the clue just tells them to look inside something, and that could be anything. You can't guess the last word from context.

It's also not the most fair clue, as it doesn't really reward creative or intelligent thinking, just whoever happened to study that language in school.

- So, what are the rules with phones? Katherine Ryan has done this before, when she called Sofie Hagan to translate Swedish in season 2. Obviously, Katherine could have just brought up Google translate on that phone. Baba's pulling out his phone, using it to call Eddie Kadi, instead of just translating it online. And obviously there are lots of other times throughout many other tasks when a phone would be helpful, for internet or for other things, and they don't normally use it because that's not in the spirit of the game. Ed Gamble sometimes mentions on the podcast that using phones isn't in the spirit of the game, even though Ed is one of the few people who has used a phone in a task, when he took pictures of the canvas, to his great advantage in a drawing task once.

Anyway, have they been told that they're allowed to take phones out, but only if they call other comedians to translate foreign languages? Or to ask their agent to get them out of a field, obviously.

- Okay, it's pretty funny to listen to Babatunde try to pronounce French words. Slightly annoying clue, worth it for that.

- Well, I paused the video, wrote that whole point about cell phone used, played the video, paused it again to make fun of Baba's inability to speak French, played the video, and saw Emma just Googling it. So Baba could have done that too, he just chose to call his friend instead. I mean, obviously, in the real world, I understand why he did that. It's funnier to call another comedian than to Google it. But in the context of the game, Googling is faster, Baba's made an error.

- Oh, base. Well I wouldn't have got that. No one knows that word. I know plenty of Francophones and I bet lots of them don't know that word.

- Oh dear. Greg has just said that Emma and Baba were grouped because they both found the special glasses, and Andy and Rosie are next. This wouldn't be the first task where Andy just gives up without solving it. Tell me he doesn't do that here. We're getting late in the season now, with Andy going into this episode only a few points behind first place. A high-scoring episode eight could pull him into the lead with only two episodes left. A low-scoring episode eight would be hard to come back from. Come on, Andy. Surely you understand some French. You created an entire cryptic crossword, you can read backwards.

- In the first task where Andy gave up completely, he put his hand almost into his pocket right at the beginning, and then proceeded to not find the locket in there by the end. In this one, he has nearly taken the top off that thing right at the beginning, and then didn't. Please do not have this be another "You almost got it right away but then failed completely".

- God damn it, Andy. Just open the thing up.

- I like Rosie trying her hands as circles to be glasses. It's worth a shot.

- And they've got it! Oh my God, that was unnecessarily stressful. Come on, guys. I'd have been furious if Andy had missed that. I mean I'm glad Rosie found it too, I'm just at this point invested in the idea that Andy could win the season. Much less likely for Rosie.

- "It depends on your attitude to flamingos." Andy saying that has reminded me: Alice Fraser is currently in that weird limbo that all Australian comedians seem to do eventually, where she's maybe sort of moved to the UK but hasn't quite done it yet. Meaning she's probably eligible for the UK or AU versions. I'd be happy to have her on either. Having worked with Alice for so long, Andy is, of course, quite familiar with varying attitudes toward flamingos.

- It was funny for them to show the attempts in that order. If we'd seen Andy and Rosie first, then Emma and Baba would have looked very stupid, taking all those clues to find what was obviously right next to them. But because we saw Emma and Baba first, they seemed reasonable at the time, and then Andy and Rosie recontextualized them to make all the other clues seem silly. Good editing decision, that order.

- Hey, Alex managed a bit of French! He did private school and then Cambridge, you'd think he could manage one French sentence.

- Okay, we need Jack to fuck this up here, as he's leading with the points. I'd love for Andy to win the season, I'd also really like for anyone to beat Jack, as I dislike him and just don't want to see more of him. He's been isolated because he was very fast or very slow, let's hope for the latter.

- Oh, bullshit. First of all, I don't like Alex helping Jack once again. He's been helping Jack a lot throughout this season - I thought I was imagining it at first because I don't like Jack, but Ed's been pointing it out on the podcast too. And it makes sense, as Alex had wanted Jack on the show for ages. Stoic, "all the information is on the task" Alex, giving Jack a look when Jack said the glasses might be in the lab. And it still didn't help.

Anyway, bullshit. The task said "the special glasses". Not some, the. The ones that Alex intended. If you could use just any special glasses, even if they're not technically glasses (because things Jack found were goggles), then they should accept the other contestants using their fingers or the eye test thing.

I've not seen the post-task studio bit yet, that is just my opinion on the task itself. I'll be annoyed if they allow this.

- Thank you, Emma. Those are goggles. Not glasses.

- Thank you, Greg! I'm fine with the sympathy point, fair enough. One could definitely argue that Alex screwed Jack over there by stopping the clock when he hadn't completed the task, and if Alex had given Jack more time, he'd have found the real glasses eventually. Oddly, in this case, Alex's sycophantic attitude toward Jack worked against Jack, as Alex just sees anything Jack does and says "Yeah, cool, you're great." So fine, give him one point with the assumption that he'd have completed the task at some point.

- Adorable that Emma heard the whistle and immediately started running toward the task. She's great for this show.

- I 100% believe that Emma Sidi dreams about admin, and Andy Zaltzman dreams about running Olympic events while riding animals.

- Okay, that's fucking funny. By setting a task that penalizes those who speak faster, they managed to find a way to discriminate against the four non-Rosie contestants, for not having cerebral palsy. Well done.

- My pedantic thought #1: It says they can move to the next barrel after completing a challenge, it doesn't say they have to go in one direction or the other, they could go from 1 to 9 and then stop. Pedantic thought #2: it says they can only move to "the next barrel" after completing a challenge, it doesn't say there are any restrictions on when they can move to the barrel after that one, or after that one, or any barrel besides the next one.

- When Emma began her explanation of bed socks with the words "when women...", I immediately pictured various things she might say next - she's very young for menopause (I fucking hope so as I think she's my age), but there are certain points in a menstrual cycle when body temperature regulation can fluctuate wildly, there are various reasons why cis women might be more likely than cis men to need to frequently switch between socks and bare feet. I... I assumed she'd say something about that. Was extremely caught off guard by what she actually said. Well done to Emma, Greg, and Alex for all being quite comedically quick in the scene that followed, that was very funny, but... I mean, it didn't answer the question. Is that real? I'd never heard of that.

- "Lobsters are biologically immortal" is a Zaltzman-level lie. Rosie, you've fallen for a Zaltzman-level lie.

- Ah, I see how this task works. One of those ones where you're best off just getting somewhere, I probably wouldn't try for going past five, and then quitting while you're ahead. The penalties for fucking it up when you try to go farther are too great, going back to the beginning for two mistakes or getting disqualified for an even-numbered barrel.

- And just after I wrote that, Rosie did exactly what I thought, got to barrel 5 and stopped. Good job.

- God, it is adorable how eager Emma is on these. I like how she leans forward, in the task and in the studio, when she's really into something. Jumping to the next barrel without waiting to hear how the question went. Emma Sidi is not here to fuck around.

- "Predict which hand Alex's whistle is in - your right!" Yelling that at Alex before he even put the whistle in in a hand. She's great. She and I shall have a spring wedding. Or whatever season she wants, really, I'll leave it up to her.

- Oh she's done so well but she's flying too close to the sun! Slow down, Emma!

- ...And right after I wrote that, back to the beginning. Especially disappointing as she messed up on the coin, which she could have easily got right if she'd taken half a second to think. Like with the dice, it does not say they can't just carefully put it down with the side they want on top. But that is Emma in this whole season, very eager and very clever, but mistakes in the execution.

- Oh my God, Emma. Nearly disqualified from a task for thinking that lobsters are biologically immortal. Amazing. That was great fun and also unnecessarily stressful. But she scraped by to three.

- Well, Andy and Jack have been grouped. That probably means they did similarly well, so either way, neither's pulling significantly ahead of the other in points on this one.

- And yep, that went exactly how I said. There were multiple bits there where I thought Andy was flying too close to the sun, but I shouldn't have doubted his ability to work out how a lemon feels. You live to fight another day, Zaltor.

- Hot dog! Hot dog time! Hot dog on Emma, so Andy's the only one who's still saving it. I've still got my theory that Andy's going to use it in the studio.

- It would be funny if just once, they gave out a task like this one, that's obviously part one to a larger task, and then that turned out to be the whole thing. They're all trying to work out what to label and what noise to make and stuff, according to what will be most useful in the main task. And then Alex just stops the clock and Greg judges them on who made the best noise.

- Andy. Andy, who are you? TV's changed you. You are a respected satirist, Andrew. And now you have labelled your balls. Well done.

- And Emma immediately assumed this task will be exactly what I just suggested it might be, as a joke. That that was the entire task. She's great. We can get married in the winter, if she wants to.

- And now he has to label his balls over and over.

- Okay, so I'm at my parents' place at the moment, and my dad's just come in and said he'll watch the last bit of the episode with me. So I'm going to stop pausing it to write stuff down every few seconds, and just post this now and watch the rest right through. I hope everyone's having a good time.

[seasidewanderers]

How Did I Even Get Here? Or As I Like To Call It, How I Became Syscourse Informed

I've been meaning to make this post for a while. I've been in syscourse for years now, more precisely from I think it was 2019. So for those curious of how even does one get into syscourse... Here's all the lore and backstory.

I'll put it under a cut. Read with extreme caution if you choose to, it's... gonna get ugly in here

Warnings: long ass post; talking about trauma, drug and alcohol abuse, self harm/suicide, psychosis

I had just started university and everything was going to shit. Yeah, I like cold opens alright. You should read my stories. A-hem. I had just started university. I was struggling to make friends - I never had friends before university - I had just shaved all of my hair off. New beginning and all that. My grades in high school weren't stellar but I was managing, while in uni it went all down the drain within the first month.

Living alone meant I could be doing everything I could ever dream of! Getting blackout drunk almost every night. I was buying a bottle of gin and a pack of Monster Ultra White cans to mix in my personal gin and Monster tonic every other day. I was an already psychotic teenager fighting regular psychosis with alcohol induced psychosis, having so many nightmares I was consuming the equivalent of 15-20 espressos a day just to stay awake. The only times I managed to get more than 3 hours of sleep I was near comatose. I wish I was misusing the word.

I was near constantly actively delusional.

(I've talked about it once or twice in here in the context of delusions related to trauma and DID, my most prominent delusion is related to survivor's guilt and early infancy medical trauma. I still get episodes, though now it's more chronic bizarre thoughts and sporadic psychotic depression)

In a year, I left my dormitory room to be with other people in the dormitory exactly once.

I also got to know a guy who turned out to be a drug dealer. I mean, a really nice guy otherwise. He never got me on hard drugs (it was his personal policy to not start someone who has never done hard drugs on hard drugs, and I had mad respect for that lad); he did otherwise just give me stuff if I asked for it. Mainly it was sleeping pills.

I was minding my business with a mix of alcohol, tranquillisers and caffeine up until a point where I took a little too much, fell asleep in class, and couldn't wake up no matter how much my friend was trying to get me awake. I got rushed to the ER and now I'm banned from taking sleeping pills again. Somehow my liver is intact though! Yay

So... what does it have to do with syscourse, you might ask. And you'd be absolutely right to ask.

Nothing and everything. I discovered my system eventually in university. I started noticing that even when I was not drinking, I wouldn't remember shit anyway (which only made me drink more, if I'm not to remember anything, why bother staying sober?)

I then started noticing that I didn't remember anything. About anything. My childhood is a blank. Middle and high school is so fragmented I have no idea what happened, and the few memories I have I'd rather forget.

So what does a 19-20 years old with no friends, almost always drunk, lots of the time high as a kite, forgetful and incredibly depressed, do with their free time?

Tumblr. I started out with looking up people who were talking about ADHD, thinking my forgetfulness was poor attention; then nothing really clicked, so I moved on to mood disorders spaces, thinking it was just depression; then again, yes I do have depression, it's been terrible for many years now, but stable enough, so the sudden heightening of forgetting and not being "really there" didn't really make sense to my depression.

By the end of the school year in June by means that I don't fully remember, I landed in system spaces. First just people talking about being plural, then I discovered the pit full of burning acid that is syscourse.

It actually wasn't so bad for me at first, but I was having a nice time online because I was just following that handful of blogs that I liked, and also I wasn't active in syscourse, just lurking around like a bog creature.

When I started expanding my niche of syscourse blogs, it was... something for sure though. I didn't understand why people were fighting. I didn't understand why everyone is so awful all the time. I get that spaces filled with trauma survivors are bound to get emotionally charged, and as the old adage goes, hurt people hurt people. I get that rationally, I get the anger, sadness, and grief, but I wouldn't imagine taking my frustration out on a passerby who's not the cause of my trauma. I don't get being mean on purpose.

At some point a few years ago I stumbled upon @sysmedsaresexist and @thecircularsystem (or rather, circulars-reasoning and circular-bircular)

If I remember correctly, they were both anti endo when I got to their blogs, and I was very pro endo. I didn't, and still don't, have any reason not to be.

I started reading everything they were putting out. Every little link and file they shared got under a microscope by my part.

Part of it was just paranoia - I know they're saying something terrible. There has to be something in there that says endos are all murderers or something and I'll be in so, so much trouble for being pro endo.

Part of it was just curiosity - what do they have to say? Let me take a look at that.

And then... There was absolutely nothing that made me believe they hated me specifically (more broadly, nothing in their resources that disproved the existence of endogenic plurality, but at the time that to me was equal to "if you're pro endo I hate your face and I'll be stabbing you in a dark alley first chance I get")

And... I loosened up a bit. I still didn't properly talk to them until this year, after SAS' Changing Mindsets post, and I can say I regret not reaching out sooner. I kept reading everything they were putting out, laughing at memes, and asked lots of questions. I tried going at it with more and more curiosity and less and less fear of stepping out of an imagined line.

It didn't always go well. I am very paranoid and it takes very little for me to retract into my shell like a turtle. But! I made a lot of progress with that, too. I also learned that a) I don't have to immediately respond to asks, comments, etc out of impulse or anger, I can actually take my time! and b) I don't have to reply at all if I don't want to!!! How great is that!!!!!

I don't know why people keep saying that you can't be friends with pro/antis. That's what I needed to do! I needed to get the fuck out of my own head, get to know other people, talk to them, see where they're coming from.

Though I wouldn't say I'm friends with them exactly, simply because friend to me has a specific connotation, but they are nice people who I love talking to. Who'd have thought the Scary Anti Endo could be *reads notes* a person with their own interests and hobbies?? Oh SHIT this is NEW.

Enough talking about my background, over to the thanks, like it's my wedding day and y'all are my best men.

Circ, Dude (and all other SAS mods, though I know half of you half as much as I would like), thank you. You've done a lot for me even if you didn't know who the fuck I was until two or three months ago. You threw some PDFs and links over to my general direction and, man, I needed that.

I've been very bad. And then I've been slightly better, and then very bad again, and I'm better again. This time I don't plan on going very bad again though. I hope I can get better every day.

[stephstars08]

Better Than Him

Gunnar Henderson x Reader

Warnings: Some Adult Language, Depressed!Reader, Anxiety, Mention of Bad Break Up, Alcohol, Mention of Drunk Reader, Angst with Fluff at the End, and Possible Grammar Errors. (Let me know if I forgot any!!)

Summary: Y/N and Gunnar grew up together and lived in the same state till their senior year in high school but they eventually got reunited after just a year apart. When they reconnect old feelings came back for Gunnar but before he could tell Y/N she once again got together with someone else. After the boy breaks Y/N’s heart Gunnar hopes and prays that Y/N will realize that he is way better for her than her ex.

Word Count: 1,764

Author’s Note: My first Gunnar story is finally here! I am so happy that baseball is back since I’m getting all kinds of story ideas for Gunnar and Adley. Now this story is actually based off a country song that I don’t think a lot of you know. The inspiration is from the song He Ain’t Worth Missing by Toby Keith. I grew up listening to country music and my first ever crush was Toby Keith who sadly passed away in February and it really crushed me because he was a big part of my childhood so of course I’ve been listening to his music a lot lately. Gunnar actually reminds me a lot of Toby Keith. I really don’t know what it is. They are both country boys since Gunnar is from Alabama so they had similar accents. And maybe it’s because they had similar hair and when Gunnar has facial hair he looks like him! Idk what it is so don’t be surprised if I write another Gunnar story based off a Toby Keith song! I’ll leave the link to song here if you all want to listen to it! You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Sorry for the long Author’s Note and I hope you all enjoy this story!!

Y/N and Gunnar grew up together in Montgomery, Alabama and were really close to one another since the day they started school together. Well, that was till Y/N moved from Alabama to Maryland her senior year of high school.

Y/N has a lot of family in Maryland so that was a big reason why her and her family moved there. It just really broke her heart to move away from Gunnar. It was so hard for both of them to not see each other everyday. They did their best to stay in touch with each other by texting, calling, or even FaceTiming.

After they both graduated from high school they thought that they were still going to be separated from each other since they were going into different directions but to their surprise they were going to be reunited. Y/N got accepted into the university of Maryland and Gunnar got drafted by the Baltimore Orioles in the 2019 MLB draft at just seventeen years old. They are so happy to be back to living in the same state as one another again. Even though they won’t be able to see each other everyday but at least they were just a car ride away from each other again.

When they started hanging out with each other again a lot of old feelings were returning especially for Gunnar. Gunnar started to develop a crush on his best friend at the end of eighth grade into their first year in high school. Gunnar will never forget the day he realized that he’s falling head over heels for Y/N. Gunnar always wanted to ask Y/N out but she was always with someone else. When he reconnected with her he was hoping he would get a chance to confess to her his feelings but again Y/N got the attention of someone else.

______________________________

Now into the Present. Gunnar is entering his third season in major leagues after winning AL Rookie of The Year the season before and Y/N is almost done with her final year at Maryland University. Y/N hasn’t just been stressed out because of school but also has been stressed because she just had a bad break up with her on and off again boyfriend named Brad. He’s your typical fuck boy frat boy in college. It always drives Gunnar fucking crazy when Y/N goes back to that asshole so he’s hoping and praying that this break up is the end.

Since Y/N has been depressed from the break up Gunnar and a couple of her friends she goes to school with got her to agree to go to a bar and have some drinks since it was Friday. Since Gunnar’s opening day for his team was a Thursday he didn’t have a game that night. Once everyone arrived at the bar everyone walked into the bar together. Right away Y/N wished she didn’t walk inside. She just froze in her spot. The only person who noticed that she just stoped was Gunnar. Before he could ask what was wrong he saw what Y/N was looking at. It was Brad sitting at the bar with a girl who was obviously his date. Y/N knew who the girl was. The girl is the person Brad dumped her for. It hurt Gunnar to see the hurt in Y/N’s beautiful and soft eyes. “Y/N.” Gunnar said putting one of his hands onto her shoulder which got her attention. “Ignore him. Don’t let him ruin your night.” Gunnar told her. Y/N just gave him a nod and let Gunnar take her to where their friends were sitting which was a table in the back of the bar.

Right when the waitress came to their table Y/N ordered some shots of Tequila for herself. Gunnar’s worry returned since he was worried that Y/N was going to get completely wasted. It’s never fun taking care of a drunk Y/N since she can get really crazy when she drinks too much.

As the night went on Gunnar would notice Y/N glance over at Brad and his date. When Brad leaned over and gave the girl a kiss on the lips Y/N has enough. “I can’t fucking do this!” Y/N hissed as should stood up. She grabbed her purse and made her way out of the bar. Her friends kept calling her back over the music but she just ignored them and kept on walking. When Y/N walked out of the bar one person followed her. When the person grabbed her hand she knew the person who followed her was Gunnar. Y/N let out a heavy sigh. “Y/N-“ Gunnar started to but Y/N immediately cut him off. “I’m not staying okay!” Y/N told him with a mixture of frustration and sternness in her voice pulling her hand out of Gunnar’s. “Listen I know you can’t go back in there but you still deserve a night out. We can go somewhere else.” Gunnar told her but she shook her head no. “I just need to be alone right now.” Y/N told him and turned away from him to walk to her car. Gunnar wanted to go after her but no matter what he says to her it isn’t going to change her mind.

Y/N has gone through many break ups but this is the first break up that has left her completely broken. No matter how sad Y/N got from a break up she never shut Gunnar out. Her telling him that she just wants to be alone is a first.

Once Gunnar watched Y/N drive away in her car he let out a heavy sigh and walked back into the bar.

______________________________

A couple days have pasted and Y/N hasn’t contacted Gunnar which made him even more worried about her because it’s not like her to ignore his texts and calls. He feels like she is isolating herself from all of her friends which is really out of character of her. He knows that she’s hurting but she shouldn’t be by herself right now. She’s vulnerable and when you are vulnerable being alone is a big red flag. He knows that she’s hurting but she shouldn’t be ignoring the ones that love and care for her. The only time Y/N has left the her apartment is to go to her classes.

Y/N was sitting in her living room watching TV. She was wrapped up her in her fluffy blanket eating her favorite snack while watching her favorite and comfort show. This is all she does when she is home. There was a knock on the door which made her let out a big groan. “Go away!” Y/N called out. “Y/N, it’s Gunnar.” She heard him say on the other side of her front door. “I told you that I want to be alone!” Y/N called back out to him with frustration. “Y/N I just want to talk to you.” She heard Gunnar say. She could hear the concern in his voice. “I’m not going to leave.” She heard him add in.

She let out a sigh in defeat as she pulled her soft blanket off her body. She stood up from the couch and walked over to the door. She opened the door to see her concern best friend. “Are you going to let me in?” Gunnar asked her. Y/N stepped to the side so he could walk into her apartment. “Is your roommate here?” Gunnar asked her in a curious tone. “No, she’s in class right now.” Y/N answered as she closed the door. “Have you been going to class?” Gunnar asked her which made her let out a groan. “If your talk is a lecture you can just leave.” Y/N told him in annoyance.

She walked back towards that couch and flopped down onto it. “Y/N you shouldn’t be depressed over a stupid fucking frat boy.” Gunnar told her in a stern tone. “You can find a guy that is ten times better than Brad.” Gunnar added which made her let out a scoff. “Oh and who could that guy be?” Y/N asked him folding her arms over her chest. “Me!” Gunnar blurted out which took her by surprise. “What?” Y/N asked in shock looking up at him with wide eyes. “Shit!” Gunnar hissed as he ran a hand through his curly blonde hair.

This isn’t how he wanted to tell his best friend that he has feelings for her.

“Gunnar!” Y/N said as she stood up from the couch. “Do you have feelings for me?” Y/N asked him. “Yes I do.” Gunnar answered which made her heart skip a beat. “How long have you felt this way?” Y/N asked him. “Since the end of eighth grade.” Gunnar answered her. “You’ve had these feelings for that long.” Y/N said still in complete shock. The couldn’t believe what was happening. “I wanted to tell you but you were always with someone.” Gunnar told her with frustration in his voice. “Gunnar.” Y/N said but he ignored her since he started to ramble. “I wanted to tell you when we reconnected here but before I could get the chance you got with Brad.” Gunnar explained to her. “Gunnar.” Y/N said again but again he kept on talking. “When you two broke up I was hoping and praying that you would realize that I can be better than him for you.” Gunnar told her. Y/N knew he wasn’t going to listen to her and that he was going to keep talking so she walked closer to him.

Before he could get another word out she grabbed him by the arms and connected her lips with his lips. The kiss took Gunnar by surprise but since this has been a moment he’s been waiting for he immediately returned the kiss. When they released from the kiss they had to catch their breaths.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N said in a soft tone which confused him. “Sorry about what?” Gunnar asked her in confusion. “I’ve had feelings for you too but I always thought that you only saw me as your best friend.” Y/N told him. “Don’t be sorry. I’m stupid for hiding my feelings from you.” Gunnar reassured her. “I think we’re both done with be stupid.” Y/N said with a giggle which also made Gunnar laugh.

“Well since we’re done being stupid how about I take you out to dinner after my game on Sunday for our first date?” Gunnar said as she smiled up at him. “That sounds like a good date to me.” Y/N said wrapping her arms around his neck as he smiled down at her.

[libra-stellium]

no bc I have beef with Uranus omg

this whole time I've been like saturn saturn saturn meanwhile uranus has been sifting through my life with her dirty little fingers!!

Once upon a time on March 6, 2019 Uranus entered Taurus and took a vow to be a nuisance in my life for the next 6 years!

Tomorrow Uranus is going to be exact on my 3H until June 15 and I'm expecting something to happen with my neighbors that is going to be the most annoying thing I've ever dealt with. Now I could be right or it could be something worse because i'm expecting the neighbors issue and uranus is unexpected shit smh

ALSO on May 21, 2024 I started my Uranus trine Uranus transit and one of the things for it is "you may be inclined to throw over an existing personal relationship in order to liberate yourself from the restrictions it imposed" and I feel like I'm gonna have to go no contact with my aunt as well bc she's making the choice to be on my mother's side. Literally on May 21 she shared pics of my trip with my mother without my consent and I specifically told her multiple times don't talk about my business with this person i'm no longer in contact with and now my mother knows where I was, when i was there, what i was doing, who i was with like what the fuckkkk??? and my aunt had the nerve to be like "oh I'm tired of lying to my sister she was sad and asking for you so i showed her" YOUR SISTER IS A MANIPULATIVE NARCISSITIC BITCH and you can get cut off too!! Her and her sister with their aqua moons in my 12H are probably gonna be completely out of my life next year and that's insane to think about!! I literally won't have any immediate family in my life after that......bc they cannot stop themselves from fucking me over.....just wow

But Uranus isn't done with me!!! I've got a lovely (derogatory) Uranus opposite Pluto transit June 25 2024 - November 10 2024 and what can I expect??? "Change may come through persons with upsetting surprises" G R E A T bc my birthday is right in the middle of that with all the Libra transiting my 8H

It's not all bad (I guesssss) bc I just finished a Uranus sextile Saturn transit from April 14, 2023 - May 18, 2024 in my 1H and it was:

opportunity to make creative changes through a system

I tried many different routines during this time to work on my physical body and my mental health

superiors will be impressed with innovative ideas, you may be rewarded with a higher position in that particular system

Stuff at work came pretty easy and they did end up seeing me like someone the other staff could go to for questions

I also have a Uranus trine Neptune transit right now ending July 1 and that one is cute it's about being more involved in spiritual studies, working hard with others to actualize beliefs about how the world should be and try to help loved ones grow and that's honestly the norm for me lol I'm always looking up something for astro and tarot or literal religion, telling people what I think of the world events (free palestine) and telling friends what they can do to improve their lives!

I still want to throw hands with Uranus bc this is still ridiculous! I have 5 Uranus aspects in my chart I never paid attention to but they would explain a lot!!! I would like a surprise birthday party not surprise traumatic events lmfao