#I actually have a draft to this but I'm too lazy to edit it or finish writing it

[anakinsbunniee]

Babydaddy!Anakin who still comes around your house sometimes to see you and your baby. He ultimately always pays your bills and gives you money when you need it for the baby or maybe even yourself. He even promised himself that there would be nothing sexual between you both anymore after your babygirl was born but he can't deny that he feels some heavy chest pain whenever he sees you, wishing that he would have never broken up with you:(

[tealvenetianmask]

Blitz is dyslexic (petty post about why I'm right with proof from recent episodes)

Disclaimer: I don't have dyslexia, so I can't speak from personal experience, BUT neurodivergent people tend to find each other, and I've been very close with a few people with dyslexia, to the point where I've extensively edited their writing. I've also learned quite a bit about dyslexia while working in the education field. Okay- let's go.

I hear way too often (yes, I'm referencing a certain youtuber here) that Blitz can't have dyslexia because we sometimes see him reading and we sometimes see him writing without errors. So when he shows spelling and grammatical errors in his texts and notes to self, that must just be him being rude/trying to be cute/being lazy.

And if the errors were just slang and abbreviations, maybe the people making those arguments would have a point. But they're not. And I'm convinced that he has dyslexia. So what gives? Why the inconsistency (assuming it's an intentional choice on the part of the writers)?

Most dyslexic adults CAN write correctly with extra effort. It's just harder. In the learning disability world, we sometimes call it self- accommodating. With any disability, that means doing work that neurotypical people don't have to do in order to overcome the obstacle that the disability poses- and often, no one else sees that work or understands that it's necessary. For people with dyslexia, that often means that they have to check and double check their writing.

When YOU AND I (if we're both non-dyslexic people) write casually and don't put in effort, our spelling is going to be mostly correct. And if we use slang and abbreviations, it's a choice. When someone with dyslexia shoots off a quick text, it's going to look messy, and they'll probably only do it in a text to someone they're comfortable with. THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE.

Let's look at some recent examples from Helluva Boss.

Blitz is writing notes to himself here, so he doesn't have any need to make them presentable. Cute inside jokes with himself are possible (i.e. the horses and nicknames that we sometimes see), but the spelling mistakes here don't really make sense as jokes. They also wouldn't be easier to write than the correct words for someone who isn't dyslexic. Mok(backward S)ie isn't shorter than Moxxie, and remembr isn't much shorter than remember. The spelling is also phonetic, which fits with how many people with dyslexia spell in initial drafts. He just isn't watching for and correcting his mistakes, because why would he in this situation?!

Okay, different situation . . . the apologies. I would argue that Blitz IS putting in physical effort here, even if it's not emotional effort. He brings entire gift baskets full of his favorite foods for the people on his apology list after all. Here's what he writes to the DHORKS:

I think "sowy" IS meant to be cute here. It's not phonetic after all. He put a little effort into drawing them a cute little horse too. And then the cherubs . . .

I think this is pretty interesting. Blitz actually bothers here to fix his spelling mistake. He spells everything right on the inside too, even though he's telling these guys "fuck you." Notice that he runs out of room and has to write sideways. And notice the nice block letters on the front. In terms of why he's trying so much here, well, it's to prove to Stolas that he can put effort into apologizing to people, isn't it? And that means that the unintentional errors get fixed!

Now, Blitz tries to text an apology to Stolas (and obviously stalls for emotional reasons), and we see him typing it in real time,

Yeah . . . it's a combination of shorthand and just plain old misspellings. He's focused on choosing the right words, not on getting the spelling right, and it's impossible to say he doesn't care at this point. Someone who has an easy time writing correctly spelled text might use some shorthand, but just like we saw with Blitz's notes to self, they wouldn't likely intentionally misspell completely unnecessary things, especially when trying to come off as genuine.

Sigh. I rest my fucking case.

If you'd like to see my thoughts on that text conversation from Western Energy, go ahead and click on the link- it isn't really about dyslexia, and I do actually think that Blitz is pretty literate in spite of his disability and limited education, but it does explain why I think the conversation goes the way it does.

[sovonight]

drafting radri's mage dress

i started with a shoulder princess sloper—it actually takes cup size into account, which was a big selling point for me, and the bust fit perfectly with no adjustments! i still had to edit it though ofc, the waist was too low and i took it in a bit

i made a first draft with most of the actual features of the dress, in red flannel because that's what i had lying around lol. i french seamed everything (i wanted to learn how to do sleeves & slits with french seams), but my final fabric is on the heavier side of lightweight so i'll have to stick with regular seam finishes for the real thing

the hemline does lift a little in the front when i belt it bc extra fabric has to go under the bust, and i'll be adjusting the princess seam just a liiittle bit, but i don't wanna take the princess seams fully in towards the underbust or anything because then it wouldn't look right if i didn't have a belt on. and anyway the lift isn't that bad either because this'll be ankle length, so 1) who's really looking down there and 2) if anything it'll help me not step on the front hem

oh and the left and right cuffs are different bc i didn't know if i wanted to stick with the pointed cuff i drew. i knew i'd have to add a little loop to the pointed cuff in real life if i didn't want it to shift around, and didn't really wanna do that so i was prepared to just go with the regular non-pointed cuff, but then the regular cuff kept rotating willy-nilly too and i got annoyed at that, so. pointed cuff with a little loop it is

in the drawing i closed the cuffs with ribbon ties, but in real life i uh. can't imagine being able to tie those cuffs closed alone. so i just put buttons there 🤷 which will be a little annoying if i have my wrists down against a surface, like if i'm typing or something, but i kind of feel like i won't be typing in this garment (if i even wear it at all after i finish it lmao). i did think about migrating the button closure to the outside of the wrist, like suit jacket placement, but i feel like it'd look a little weird on the pointed style cuff 😖 and anyway suit jacket sleeve buttons bother me when i leave my wrist against a surface too lol so it wouldn't be a huge improvement

i used this method to attach the collar and sleeve cuffs, which i like the result of but never like executing. it wasn't as tedious on this muslin since i was lazy and didn't baste or press anything, but on the final i'll have to do everything i skipped 😣

anyway the next step is to tweak the pattern a bit and make it ankle length, then make another muslin in my semi-final fabric (semi-final bc it's the same as my final fabric but just in a different color). i'm actually pleasantly surprised that this hasn't felt like a ton of work yet—probably because it doesn't need a lining lol

[yeyinde]

I found your COD works on ao3 and there is quite literally NOTHING else that makes me ascend higher than your writing AAAAHHH your prose is incredibly seamless and blends so beautifully together that i find myself on the ground afterwards because EXCUSE ME?? They didn't tell us you could do that with words?? (youre the reason im researching a game ive never played before in my life at 3 am) how you are real

Anyway!!! I dont know if this was already asked, but i wanted to know about your writing process and how you got to where you are now

Thank you for always giving us your best work!! 🩷🩷🩷

it's only Thursday and here i am. just bawling my eyes out. this is incredibly sweet, and you are being way too nice to me, honestly!!! 😭 thank you so much!! and i'm so glad you've been enjoying what i write so far 🖤

i did my best to actually answer this in a way that was somewhat coherent but it's really hard to type through the tears.

i don't have much of a writing process, tbh! i mostly just shape things around a concept or a scene i want to write about, or one that i kinda picture in my head. the rest is mostly just filler to get us there.

i think i spend the most time on words—the placement, the meaning, the sound, and the way it looks/flows with everything else. i'm very particular about the ones i pick. i know a lot of it might seem like regurgitating a thesaurus (which it def is, tbh!!!), but i really love etymology. everything has a purpose. even though a lot of what i write is just gratuitous smut lmao

i also really love scripts. i don't write multiple drafts. what i end up posting is usually the first draft with minimal editing (because i am egregiously lazy and also hate re-reading my own work), but as i write, i like to make the outlines for scenes in the same style as a script. i think it gives me more flexibility to really dig down into what i want from a particular moment by framing it like a beat from a movie or play. it might not be for everyone, but it helps me focus on what i need to do—especially with dialogue.

as for how i got to where i am now: i definitely got much more confident in my particular style, which i think is obvious if you read my earlier stuff to now. i was very worried about how i came across in writing (like using rare words, dabbling in wordplay, going on very obscure tangents and making strange metaphors), but i'm a lot more willing to experiment with things than i was before. i also don't take myself seriously at all. everything i do is for the fun of it, so i've never felt pressured to stay within a certain genre or style. i just do what i want, mostly!

[teeth--thief]

I would be interested in so called “hater diaries”.

- Rodka

[Referencing this post] Of course you would, you absolute angel... Imma tag you now that you have a blog @atomshchik ☆

The channel I was talking about is Chernobylite (yes, as in the Chernobylite - the game one). Listen... if anyone should be able able to criticise this guy, I think it should be me. Pole on Pole violence 👊💥👊💥

Let's get cracking... under the cut.

One thing you have to keep in mind when watching anything on the internet about Chernobyl: if they bring up HBO's show as a credible source, quote it, use mostly stills or photos of the scenery or actors instead of of the real stuff etc etc - that is a flag more red than that of the Soviet Union, okay? HBO in thumbnails? Unless it's a "this show is extremely inaccurate" kind of video, that's most likely due to a) the lack of knowledge about actual credible sources or b) need for profit (monkey sees, monkey does clicks - the show is incredibly popular, putting imagery related to it means a higher chance people will choose your video).

To keep it short and (not at all) sweet: this guy is like the evil brother of That Chernobyl Guy. This is That Bare Minimum Chernobyl Man, though. He uploads a video at least once a week and they always JUST BARELY hit the 10 minute mark. But they always do. Hm... I wonder why... I sure do wonder what the number 10 and YouTube have in common... oh. Oh yeah. It starts with MONETI and ends with SATION Need a hint? Mhm, I didn't think so. Speaking of time, the intro is usually almost 2 minutes long, the outro a minute and, there you go, suddenly there's actually even less content than expected.

He has some genuinely bad takes sometimes, too. I don't know if I'm just sensitive about Toptunov specifically (I very clearly am) or if his video on him is just especially offensive to me... and it's 12 minutes 😍😍 two more than usual! And so, I'll use this video as an example. (edit during drafting: he had just released a video on N.M. Fomin which... I'll watch once I'll have some time to waste and we'll see how bad that one is...)

>Not even 20 seconds in and he just HAD TO hit us with that ThAt Is ThE cOsT oF lIeS, of course, you know it brother 💯🔥‼️ Oh get over yourself. Find another quote. And stop putting pictures of my favourite operator next to his blonde twink counterpart from the show. I'm offended on his behalf.

>I like how he just takes random pics off of Google Images or something. The photo he uses at 2:00 is from a Reddit post on r/chernobyl, and it's a picture of a picture - didn't feel like looking for a better one, huh? Someone's a little lazy?

>The video ACTUALLY starts at 2:30. Girlllll (gn) you are so slowwwww, pick up the peace, we're all getting old waiting for you to start.

>The picture slideshow we're getting is almost never relevant to what he's saying. He's saying where Toptunov was born and all we see is the reactor after explosion. Like, okay brother, I didn't know that's how SuMY, in BuRYN, as he says, looked like then. A map from Wikipedia wasn't available? That's the best you can do? Not to mention a few of his videos literally have the same b-roll. It feels like the same video over and over again.

>He claims that "his father's connection probably were useful" when it came to him pursing a career in science... would you like to show me when exactly they could have been useful? When he was taking an entrance exam for uni just like everybody else? Or was it when he had to work his way up from the very bottom of the NPP food work chain? Unless you were a child of someone real high up and wanted to pursue a career of doing fuckall then your nepo baby status wouldn't help you all that much. Your party connections would help you move up faster, sure, but you wouldn't be able to not pass the necessary training and/or exams.

"(...) no good scientist could dream of a good job in a nuclear programme without being somewhat involved in local politics." We don't even know if Toptunov himself was in the party. We know that Akimov was quite the dedicated party man, sure. But Stolyarchuk wasn't in the party at all and Dyatlov wasn't cool with the party and the party wasn't cool with him. How many more times can I say party? Too many parties. I hate parties. He also goes on to say that, after graduation he could only get an entry level position because "He would need really good connections to acquire higher ranking job without any previous experience" I am very sorry to inform you but that's just not how real life works. Maybe if you have a good degree, you can immediately become the CEO of all the janitors in the building but that's about that when it comes to the seriousness of the job.

>Now, the part that made me audibly GASP starts at 6:30:

(...) many power plant staff were dismissed, including those from the night shift at unit 4. Including Toptunov, many were labelled non-essential personnel and sent home. That was probably a part of managing the disaster from a propaganda perspective. Fewer people on site, fewer witnesses.

This is an actually DERANGED take. This was my breaking point... like, you cannot be serious right now. Not the evil Soviet scientists and their evil propaganda...! The evil propaganda of safety...! I'm sorry to inform you but ever single person in charge there wasn't immediately thinking "By Lenin, how can we ensure these horrible bottom feeders, also known as our colleagues, we're employing at our power plant don't say a word to anyone outside?" They were most likely thinking "If this part of the personnel is literally useless, why would they stay in this potentially dangerous zone? Let's get them out - for their safety and liquidation organisation's sake."

>"As he later stated (...)" We don't know what he stated. We don't have a single word that came out of his mouth recorded anywhere. It's all they said that he said. Or the authors of books want to show how much they think they know (look no further than Medvedev's "acording to Toptunov..." yes, I'm sure you know exactly what he thought about everything. Surely. You must have spoken to him. Through a Ouija Board, clearly). We'd need the statements from the KGB and whatnot to actually determine what any of them said or thought.

>"(...) During that time when he felt better, he had spoken multiple times to both Akimov and Dyatlov (...)" Acording to some book, I'm sorry, I don't remember which one, he was one of the few people that actually didn't get up from his bed to participate in the discussions, probably because his legs were already in a bad shape. Take this with a grain of salt, though. Nobody explicitly said he NEVER hang out with anyone at the hospital. It's just that worth noting that there's a possibility he at least didn't do that as much as the rest of the guys.

Overall grade: read a book. Change the boring ass b-roll shots. Change the stock sounding "creepy" music. Put some effort into everything. Stop relying on HBO's Chernobyl.

Conclusion: you'll never be That Chernobyl Guy xoxo That Chernobyl Guy for the president

[zepskies]

Hey Zep!

I love your writing, especially been enjoying the Soldier Boy series stuff and the latest with Smoke Eater!

(Btw are you taking inspiration from One Chicago (Fire, PD, Med) with it? If so kudos and I love it, big fans of those series myself 😊)

Anyway! I’ve really been enjoying your works, been pouring through them and the stuff you have on AO3. I also thought your tips for writing were super helpful!

I’m back to writing myself after a long ass break, but always struggle keeping inspiration so a lot of my work sometimes goes unfinished. I’d like to ask how you keep motivated and continue a fic even if sometimes you’re not into it? Do you have any tips or tricks?

Thank you and again, love your work!

Hey there, lovely!! ❤️

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked Break Me Down and are enjoying Smoke Eater too! ❤️‍🔥

(Oh yes, indeed I am! 😊 I love all things Law & Order and One Chicago. I based firefighter!Dean on Lt. Matt Casey in Chicago Fire, with a little Severide flair lol.)

Thank you again for reading my work, both here and on Ao3!! I'm also glad that my writing tips have been helpful to you in any way. I came back to Tumblr and writing in general after about a year break myself, so I feel you there.

I absolutely LOVE your question though...

Because it's something I still battle with myself. I think all of us writers and artists struggle to stay motivated, no matter how much we love our craft. I do, however, have a few tips that help me immensely.

5 Tips to Stay Motivated to Write:

Be organized. Create a realistic, attainable schedule. ✍️

My brain works in checklists, bullet points, very methodical. I can't write chapter five before chapter 1. I can't write a series (even a mini series or a long one-shot) without outlining first.

So my first step is creating a schedule for myself: from sketching the premise, to bullet points/outlining, to actually sitting down to draft, to then editing. When I'm working on a series, I write the first 3 to 5 chapters before starting post it.

This means I have a head start. I commit to writing a chapter per week after that until the series is done. This give me lots of time and wiggle room for editing before posting each chapter afterwards. For example, I wrote the first 5 chapters of Smoke Eater before I started to post. I'm now in the middle of drafting Part 19 out of 20 even though I just posted Part 11.

Now, this doesn't mean I don't slack off lol. If I don't follow these steps I lose my discipline. I can get lazy. (We won't talk about And So It Goes. 😅 I've been sitting on writing the last 5 chapters for a painfully long time.)

But I have other tips that help me get my head back into the game.

2. Revisit the thing that gave you inspiration in the first place! 🍿

Rewatch, reread, revisit the episode, movie, book, story, artwork that stroked your muse and had you daydreaming and brainstorming about the WIP you're working on. That can be a good way to revitalize you when you feel your motivation lacking.

3. Create a music playlist. 🎶

I love doing this, especially for a series. I often create a playlist of songs that remind me of the setting, the characters, the romance I'm trying to create. Whether it's the words or the tone/rhythm that get me going, music inspires me greatly.

(For Break Me Down, for example, I listened to songs like "All My Living Time" by Radio Company for the vibe of the plot, and oldies like "If I Didn't Care" and "You're Getting to Be a Habit With Me" by Mel Torme for nostalgic 40s vibes/the romance.)

4. Go for a walk. ☀️

I walk for exercise, but it also gives me time to daydream and run scenes in my head while vibing to my music (sometimes looking like a crazy person as I nod and make hand motions lmao). This helps me clear my head, get some fresh air, then come back to my laptop with a little more pep in my brain, ready to write.

5. Encouragement and feedback from others. 💞

This really helps, of course. Whether it's someone you trust to read over your work, or seeing how people react to your initial chapters after you post them. Both can be very motivating to keep going, at least for me!

And I'll be transparent, I've gotten a bit fatigued while writing the back half of Smoke Eater. I have a lot going on at work and my personal life at the moment. But seeing how people have been commenting and giving feedback on each chapter -- the mystery, the connection between Dean and the reader, the various storylines happening -- it's been incredibly motivating for me to read those back and remember that people are enjoying what I'm coming up with. It helps give me the push I need to get the rough draft out.

And a rough draft doesn't have to be perfect on the first try. That's why it's rough. I call it the "throw up draft." Just get it on the page. The editing process is where I truly find the nuance in the dialogue, refine the plot, exposition, etc.

Anyway. I'm long-winded again, as usual. 😂

I hope this helps you! If you have any other writing questions just let me know. I love talking about this stuff! 💕

[luminousalicorn]

hey there, i've been following your work for years and i really love your stories! out of curiosity, have you ever considered submitting any of them to SFF magazines? they're definitely good enough for it!

I've thought about it! I have actually been published in a magazine; a Russian publication printed a translation of "Earthfic". But they came to me, and were like, "we want to give you a hundred dollars for no further work on your part, we'll send you a free copy" - and that's how I like it. I am frankly far too lazy and easily frustrated for any part of the process of writing-as-a-job that isn't writing, and at times I'm too lazy and easily frustrated for that!

The process of submitting to agents, dealing with editors, editing as a whole process *at all* as opposed to just slinging really good one-and-a-halfth drafts? This I do not yearn for. All the alternative formats my stories are available in, like the Kindle editions and the couple that have been recorded as read-alouds, are volunteer-produced by fans. If I'm that good, eventually an agent will show up and be like, hey, I want to give you agenting services for no further work on your part, I think we could make some money like that. And I will be like. Okay. But I'm not actually sure anyone could make any money like that. I release all my stuff under Creative Commons.

I am blessed with not needing to hold down a day job and getting to be home with my kids. I write when I'm up late with a baby, or in between making my children wear clean clothes, and stop shoving each other, and sandwiches. I don't have a part of my schedule I want to turn over to anything so annoying and, by base rates, unlikely to produce any results, as navigating trad pub.

But if you're trying to say you want to be my agent, let's talk!

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

OUT TAKES FROM 2800ft

NORMALLY I JUST DELETE THESE ENTIRELY but in the directors commentary for 2800ft I make a lot of references to the BDSM draft of the fic and I FOUND SOME OF THEM so here they are entirely unedited because it felt like a waste, a thing I have LITERALLY NEVER THOUGHT BEFORE IN MY LIFE

I'm still so sad the BDSM didn't end up suiting the tone of the fic, but I am glad I removed it. There was going to be a whole bit where Hux reached into his pocket to feel the key for bens collar as the plane when down, but i think the fic stands better on it's own

HAVE THESE ANYWAY FUCKERS

(edit: I'm going through my document conflicts on scrivener and I found a few more so I'm pasting them at the bottom but ur not getting fomating on these bc I'm lazy)

6/9/22 St. Louis, Missouri The Organa-Solo Residence

"You're insane," Ben says as the front door closes behind him. "You know that, right?" "I see you got my request," Hux replies, looking up from his book. He's been reading on the couch since he got home, waiting for Ben to land. "Tell me you didn't actually get this notarized." He holds up the piece of paper Hux slipped into his bag a few days ago, in anticipation of the event. "It's a remarkably cheap fee," Hux tells him, setting his book aside. "There's a limit on how much notaries can charge in Missouri, if it's a financial concern." Ben stares at him before reading the paper aloud. "A formal request of Ben Organa-Solo, made by Armitage Organa-Solo, to be fulfilled on June 9th, 2022," he starts. "If both parties are amendable, and schedules align, in celebration of the national holiday, Mr. and Mr. Organa-Solo will-" Ben stops, setting the paper down on the entryway table. "A formal request for sex?" Hux takes in the flush of Ben's cheeks, the hand toying with his hair. He's not furious, he's just embarrassed, but if the pace of his breathing is any indication- He stands, coming to meet Ben at the door. "You don't know what to be mad about, do you?" Hux asks, loving how Ben's head tilts downward, his eyes half-lidded. "You weren't expecting it, but it's within all out limits, and-" It comes to Hux, then. "You're not upset at all, you're just surprised." His hand comes to Ben's neck, pressing his thumb into the tense muscles and letting his fingers dig in between vertebrae. "Do you need a moment to adjust?" Ben shakes is head, so Hux steps closer, putting himself firmly into Ben's personal space. A soft hand on Ben's chest is all it takes to have him against the door, strong hands clenching at his sides listlessly. "You can touch me," Hux tells him, and his hips are held in a loose grip. "I'm sorry I surprised you. I thought we had done enough things similar, that it wouldn't be too much of a shock." Ben mutters something, and Hux uses a finger to tilt his chin up. "What was that?" "I thought you had a lawyer write it," Ben admits. "It sounded more formal than you normally are, in these things. I-" Words seem to fail him as his flush moves from his checks down to his neck. "The notary on top of that was a lot of strangers knowing I was going to suck your dick." "I tried a new style," Hux says. "I've been reading a few books on contract law in my spare time, thought it would be fine to try out. The notary was a half-asleep woman at the post office, she didn't even bother to read the document. Just had me sign it and her coworker witness it." He pauses. "Did you like that they might know?" "Didn't like it, how much I liked it." Ben draws a breath, letting his head roll back against the wall. "It's infuriating, wanting people to know what you do to me, all while refusing to let them see." "Private exhibition," Hux says. "Well, theoretical, more like." He pauses, wrapping his arms around Ben's shoulders. "I'll keep that in mind, but you haven't submitted a reply to my request." Ben laughs, leaning into him. "Request approved," he says. "Although I refuse to grant it holiday status." "National Day of Sixty-nining is sacred," Hux replies, pulling Ben from the door to lead him towards the bedroom.

-

10/07/22 St. Louis, Missouri The Organa-Solo Residence

"And he has no idea?" Hux rolls his eyes at Poe, taking the cake out of the freezer so it can thaw on the counter. In their small living room, most of their friends are gathered, drinks in hand and broken off into conversation circles. Phasma is asking Rey about Charlotte, Mitaka is meeting Finn as someone outside of the airport, and not just another employee he passes coffee to, and Han and Leia are having an unsurprisingly delightful time telling stories of Ben as a teenager to anyone who will listen. "I told him I was working, and that we were booked on fights, so I wouldn't have time to come down and see him, but I gave him specific instructions, and-" "I can't stress how much I don't need to know about your sex life," Poe says, cutting him off. "They weren't sexual," Hux huffs. It's an absolute lie, though. The instructions were incredibly sexual, but they were also meant to start the party a few hours later, and instead everyone started showing up early. Hux will just have to make up the disappointment to Ben later. It wouldn't be the longest Ben has handled social interaction with a cage on. Besides, Ben has his own key to it for emergencies. If he wanted, he could take it off while he changed, and Hux would understand. "I hate you so much," Poe whines, pulling Hux away from his thoughts. "Both of you, honestly." Hux shrugs. "Not my fault you're boring in bed." They leave the kitchen and the conversation behind as Hux hears a car door slam outside. "All right, I'm gonna meet him outside, everybody hide." And he does, steps onto the porch. He's supposed to be at work, but he's not so cruel as to allow Ben to completely embarrass himself. He's just smart enough to do it without a paper trail. "You're-" "Act surprised," he whispers. "They all thought this was a great idea, and showed up at our house without consulting me, but your parents flew in, and you know I feel bad saying no to them." "I hate surprises," Ben mutters, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I know, but I couldn't get away to call you. It was supposed to start at six, I was going to tell you when you got home, after-" he looks down, and Ben curses. "Up to you." "Not in front of my parents," he says. "Jesus, I'm gonna need a second." "Buying you time won't be hard, I haven't pulled the cake. I'll vamp." And then Hux is opening the door, ushering Ben in and watching as someone turns on the lights and their friends and family pop out from behind pieces of furniture. They sing happy birthday, and then Hux sends Ben to the bedroom to change and asks Han to tell the story of when Ben broke his window trying to move his bed. It's at least a ten minute story, and a good one, so no one will notice if Ben takes a moment longer to change than strictly necessary.

It's not until later, when guests are shooed away and they lay in bed, covered in sweat and fluids, that Ben curls into his chest. "I love you," Ben says, pressing idle kisses to his skin. "I just- Used to have to deal with their terrible ideas for my birthday alone. They'd get a cake everyone liked, instead of the one I wanted, they'd try to make me invite the whole class. I know they just wanted me to have friends, but it was awful. I didn't stop hating my birthday until I moved out." "It's the least I can do, given your agreement to entirely ignore mine." He runs fingers through long hair, pressing lips to the top of Ben's head. "Next year, I'm just forcing them to bend to my will, but I thought one year in was too soon to become your controlling spouse." Ben laughs, breath warm against his skin, and the arm hanging over Ben's shoulder pulls him closer. "You've always been controlling," Ben tells him. "Luckily for you, I'm pretty into that."

-

Smaller outtakes:

From the scene where they're heading to ikea:

“It should be the Malm,” Ben insists, because apparently, their earlier discussion about which bed frame to buy wasn’t finished. “It’s not practical,” Hux says, and then lowers his voice, “there’s no place to tie on that headboard, and I’m not buying under the be straps.” The red tinge that takes over Ben’s cheeks is well worth his own discomfort at bringing up their sex life in public. “So not the Malm,” Ben mutters, and Hux smiles into his drink. “You’re both gross,” Mitaka yells across the empty Starbucks. The early flights are only just starting, the line for security not yet backed up by the entrance. Hux flips him off as Ben’s skin returns to its normal color.

This scene was replaced by 5/30/21 take 2, which i think was a better scene because 'airport might get a bird dog' felt too on the nose

His feet are tucked under Ben’s thighs, still freezing despite the chill outside. It’s the start of a long weekend for both of them, three days where neither of them have any reason to be at the airport. Normally, this was cause for a trip, but spring cleaning had overtaken both of them the last few days. Now, with the last cobwebs and remnants of winter cleared from the apartment, they settle into a calm evening. “I heard the airport is thinking about getting a bird dog,” Hux says idly, not looking up from his tablet. Ben’s eyes are closed, his head lolled onto the back of the sofa, but his breathing is still relatively shallow. “If nothing else, the social media team is excited to have someone who won’t say no to their ridiculous video ideas.” Hux may still be bitter about being asked to join a group photo for Saint Patrick’s Day, even after he told the man three times that being ginger did not automatically make him Irish. “A dog on the ground isn’t going to prevent bird strikes in the air,” Ben grumbles, sitting up and blinking his eyes open. “I’m not sure it’s the best way for the airport to spend it’s money.” “Studies say otherwise,” he retorts, but lets the matter die. “And what would you have them spend money on?” Ben laughs, some joke Hux isn’t privy to. “No, really, what can they buy for the cost of a dog that would make you happier?” “They could just give you that money, and I’d be fine.” Rolling his eyes, he closes out of his email and sets his tablet aside to crawl into Ben’s lap. Any edges of sleep vanish, as do conversations of work.

[lizardsarecute]

Made a lot of comic progress that I've been really proud of, but it's more on the technical learning side lol

Clip studio has some really seamless comic workflows built into the program, it's really nice

re-organized the Chapter 5 file from group folders to CSP's webtoon template. I can swap pages around freely, batch save and export all the pages at once. Copypaste elements between pages with ease. so fucking good ugh. It takes more time to set up, but the payoff is incredible and I'm so glad I caught it this early. Plus the vertical overview makes planning compositions to the script so much easier, because it will be an accurate reflection of the comic when posted on ao3. Looking at the old group folders again and man. This was definitely a pain. Fucken...hiding and unhiding folders and trying to imagine pages in a vertical layout. how tf did I live like this.

csp has a dialogue balloon tool that can automatically link the bubble to text where you can edit them together and separately. I took some time copying my cleanup pen's settings to the freehand balloon pen so it looks more in style

Also made a font for my handwriting, so it would match the style from earlier chapters. Just cleaner and more editable. Don't have to erase and rewrite so the hands get more drawing time. Nice.

I've had Lazy Nezumi for *checks notes*....almost 3 years now. It's a windows app that's for line stabilization but it's my go to for perspective rulers since it's so robust. I haven't actually used it as much until now. And learning how to do perspective manually actually helped a Lot in deep-diving into this program. So yeah, spend a week making boxes and cylinders with this app in csp and building things. (if you made it this far here's a bonus wip pep workshop. She had me watching a lot of interesting videos of things I did not understand)

Setup a whole bunch of auto actions for repetitive tasks. We'll definitely continue to add onto this as we go.

I'm also continuing to build up my reference library from the models in-game. There's so much and I am so thrilled about seeing all the models and bg assets in detail.

on the writing side, I've pretty much laid out the whole plot line and the important beats out. Have several pages of first draft dialogue for all of them too. I am having such a good time! I love learning shit like this!! This year has probably been the most fulfilling year I've had artistically in a long long time--Thanks game!!!

(me getting lost in the sauce of detail work. "ah yes, THIS is my happy place")

[voxofthevoid]

Hey, I actually don't know if you've ever answered the question I'm going to ask (I'm like 90% sure you did lol), but you're very active on Tumblr, so I couldn't find an updated direct response 😅 - have you ever considered to post more often on ao3, not just one chapter for each work you're currently posting? From my understanding, all JJK and Marvel works you have on a current schedule are finished? And don't get me wrong - of course you have life and I don't mean you SHOULD post everything all at once, but as a fic writer myself - I do not have a patience to sit on my works for long! Like I need to share my obsession I have with certain ships ASAP. For example, your Shibuya Swap fic - someone already picked on that too - will take 2 years to post! That's insane, I don't know if I would like my own stuff in 2 years enough to not feel embarrassed about it and delete, and you will be coming back to it on a monthly basis for 2 years at best, 2.5 at worst, if something will not change the schedule by that time.

Or could it be, that those works aren't actually *finished* it's just that you have a general idea or "drafts" how will it start, progress and end?

I really admire your consistency though, but sometimes can't help myself, but think "Man, I wish you'd post *that* fic more often, it's SO good!" Or post like one fic, just 3-5 chapters of it in a month or sum. But alas, I will restrain myself from begging on my knees in the ao3 comments, because I can understand how annoying it can get, FAST (I dealt with certain people there, too).

Have a great day and please don't take this question as an attack, I'm just a desperate fan of yours, who can't even mind my own business most of the time due to being an ANNOYING person with ADHD lmfao🙏

You WILL see me generally commenting *OMG SO GOOD WOW HOLD UP* gibberish on your works, though (it is a threat).

Haha, don't worry, I won't bite your head off for this. No offense taken or attack interpreted 💜

I have answered a few versions of this question before, twice in relation to JJK and at least once in relation to MCU. They're all somewhere in this tag (link only works in browsers), and the former two will be more recent...but well, that tag has 127 pages of results and Tumblr search sucks balls; even I can't find my posts most of the time, so I definitely don't expect others to. But I did hunt down the most recent one: https://voxofthevoid.tumblr.com/post/746745605036064768/hey-i-was-wondering-why-you-post-one-chapter-a

As for stuff you've asked that's not covered in that answer—

My works are all finished, not just drafts. The "plot bunnies" I talk about are outlines of varying detail, but the fics I'm posting to Ao3 as well as the fics I've posted in previous WIP Wednesday installments are all complete. They need editing, but my first drafts are essentially my final drafts. I proofread to catch typos and grammar errors and to generally polish the phrasing. My day job is editing, which means I'm extremely lazy about editing my leisure writing, but I manage a decent pass.

Regarding how I feel about my work years down the line: I've more or less settled into my writing style. It's still changing and growing, and I enjoy experiments and challenges, but the base quality is at a level I'm content with in terms of both prose and mechanical elements. I'm not embarrassed by anything I've written after 2018, and I don't really see that changing. I will always see the flaws prominently, both objective and subjective ones, but I'll also see the strengths. The older fics (2014–2018) are of significantly poorer quality as well as clumsily executed in many, many ways, but I'm still proud of my ideas and absolutely delighted by how they still entertain so many people. Regardless of my personal feelings toward my writing at a given time, I won't delete my fics.

As for patience, I am indeed patient 🤣. Well, for a year or so, I've been posting snippets from whatever I'm currently working on as WIP Wednesday posts, so I am actively sharing the pieces that I'm working on, but I'm pretty comfortable with sitting on the full stories for months or even years. It just doesn't bother me.

The only issue with how I build a backlog is that once I lose interest in the ship/fandom, my posting slows down, and I get 100 times lazier about editing—to the point I'll likely post the rest of my MCU and Bleach works all raw and dirty. One of the reasons I'm posting as much as I do for JJK is that I'd like to avoid a similar fate in this fandom. Fool's errand with how my inspiration and writing function, but hey, no harm in trying.

And, in line with the post I've linked above, even if I had fewer fics on the roster, my pace would remain a chapter a month per fic. Let's say I suddenly stop writing and also whittle my backlog down to only 2 fics: That won't mean I'll post 3 chapters each for those 2 fics every month; I'll still only post twice a month in total—one chapter from each fic.

As long as no one's being rude or entitled (I've seen some asinine takes about prewritten fics being posted slowly), I consider people wanting more of specific stories as a compliment! However, you'll have to be patient right along with me 😂

And that's a wonderful threat; I look forward to it 🥰

[tasteleeknow]

hey jade! i recently became active on tumblr again and I saw that you've started a new job!!! congo!!! (also yaas the adhd meds woke a new version of me when I first started them lolll. never knew I could be so productive tbh)

i remember sometime ago you said that your basic outline for hello stranger was for like 10 chapters?? do you feel like that has changed over the progress of the fic? i wanna write some things for myself too but I'm terrible at planning :( do you feel like you have changed significant plot points or character traits instead of how you initially envisioned them??

im sorry but i just love the way you write and I'm soo curious abt the brainwork that goes behind it

(im sorry if the tone of this msg comes off as pushy. I'm on laptop and I'm feeling too lazy to copy/paste emojis because my laptop doesn't support them :(( )

hi! (the adhd meds have allowed me to accomplish things ive been putting off for actual years, its insane)

its def longer than 10 chapters at this point yeah. i'd say maybe 15 but again i dont know bc i end up adding scenes as i go, beyond my outline.

planning sucks and you dont need to do spend ages on it if you hate it (like me). i use a method where i brainstorm at the very start like super super vague basic outline of my idea and how it will progress as a story (start/status quo, external/internal obstacles or conflicts, dark moment, final conflict, closing). then i just say fuck it and see what happens as i go. it usually ends up completely different than the starting outline. i often edit the outline as it changes with each chapter.

THEN i draft without editing bc editing will keep you (me) stalled forever. just write the chapter/one shot without intending for anyone to read it at all. the first draft is just for your eyes. the sentences can be as ugly and as grammatically incorrect as you want.

like im serious, no editing. aim to not go back and edit at all just word vomit into google docs or whatever until ur brain is empty. pretend you cant move the cursor. you are using a typewriter (with a really fancy backspace feature that you get to use sometimes, so lucky and spoiled). NO REREADING AND OBSESSING OVER PHRASING AND VOCAB AND DIALOGUE AND SENTENCE STRUCTURE. attempting to perfect every part as i write it..... worst possible writing method.

then when ur empty and ur ideas are out of ur head... u can begin editing. which is my least favourite part of the entire process. read it over and over and stew and think abt how u could be better and then remember its just for fun and then stew some more and second guess everything and never write again (until u do).

that's my process.

thanks for asking, i love talking abt writing!!

(and it doesn't come off as pushy at all, ur all good!)

p.s i often just give up on editing and let it be bc i will stew forever (i'm a struggling perfectionist) so yeah editing can die

[droughtofapathy]

I'm too lazy to get my phone out and scroll through emojis, which I know you'll appreciate. "what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?" "share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on" "what's the fastest way to become your mutual?"

And because I know this is going to cause internal bleeding: "give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing"

Thank ya, love.

Oh thank god, I don't have to go scrolling back to find the post. Big fan of no-emoji asks.

"what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?" Essays. I'm lucky enough to have many beloved mutuals who will show up on the doorstep of my works with lengthy analysis, discussion, and favorite lines all ready to go. I'm a writer who wants to discuss the work in intimate detail, so these comments are like catnip to me.

"share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on" Stop giving a fuck. Do what you want and what you like and to hell with what others are doing or thinking. Having confidence in yourself is the easiest way to deal with problems. I have always been an extremely confident person, but as a kid I still had a lot of stress and anxiety, and though even at such a tender age, I was still doing what I wanted, I was also doing it with a lot more neurotic energy. I had panic attacks semi-frequently, but (and this is really bad advice from a professional mental health perspective because I'm realizing how trivializing it sounds) I got rid of all the stress and anxiety and neuroses by just...not having them. It sounds absurd, but I'm living the high life with none of the mental health issues so many of my friends have because I just decided to stop being anxious and stressed all the time, and more importantly, I'm so fucking sure of myself. This is not something most people are able to do. Proper treatment is important: I just... didn't need it. I looked at all those reasons I was stressed and upset and just said "who cares? So what? What's the worst that could happen and what am I actually going to do about it if it does? Nothing matters. I'm fantastic. So why am I wasting my time and energy being so worked up about everything?" And that's kind of just how I live my life. Nothing matters, things happen, life goes on. I know I'm a fucking delight. (And yeah, it's probably really aggravating to hear someone just say stop having anxiety, because it's not that simple. But it was for me.

So that's my advice: be confident. Be apathetic. I'm sure of what I think and what I do. Have trust in yourself. Just do whatever it is that you need or want to do.

"what's the fastest way to become your mutual?" Barrel into my DMs with lengthy rants/discussions at the ready. Talk to me about my writing or the theatre. I'm actually not great at fast-tracking mutuals. I know all of my current beloved mutuals can attest to the fact that it did take time for me to follow back. Just stick with me. I'll get there eventually if I like what's on your blog and I connect with you personally.

"give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing" Me talking to myself: Jesus fucking Christ, why won't you take some goddamn time to edit your work? Would it kill you to take a breather in between finishing the last sentence and putting it up on the archive with barely a cursory reread for typos (especially given how they keep slipping by anyway)? Why must you be so stubborn? It's not admitting incompetence by doing a second draft. Try it out sometime and see what happens. You might even like it.

(Unfortunately, I am cursed with a staggering amount of confidence--bordering on arrogance--and my first drafts are pretty damn fantastic. I never had to try very hard to get top marks for school essays, so I was stuck in this no-edit lifestyle from an early age and just never bothered to get out. It's working for me.)

[lux-scriptum]

🌸 wip you've been working on the longest

I just answered that, but I'll throw u an offering instead: the other two are the ones i've worked on the longest, but my oldest finished project is actually the book I'm too lazy to figure out how to take off of Amazon. It was a draft zero I finished for the hs version of NaNo, and no one told me to get it edited, so it's still out there. Often weirdly jacked up in price from scammers LMAO. I think I sold like, seven copies, to family members and friends of family. I could fix the links but that would take as much time and effort as taking it down. I have a lot of pride and fondness for that book, as the series would have eventually explained how my own personal multiverse exists (just so i can put Amara in every book I ever write)

[atrial-ofhorror-if]

This is gonna be a long one yall, so feel free to skip and just send asks about my progress if you don't wanna read through it. Otherwise...

So, I didn’t really have much of an update for you all in February. Reason: it is my birthday month, and I was being a lazy little hedonist, teehee 🤎

In hindsight, February/March has also been one of the most rigorous months for my workplace as well. We have about 33 contracts that we have to get out to the organizations that we fund and unfortunately our legal department, our comptroller's office, and our commissioner has been H-Town stomping on our balls for the past 3 months.

Needless to say, ya girl is tired lol.

I am, of course, pushing through it because I promised this update a LONG time ago, and whenever I don't deliver I feel as if I age 20 years. I know technically I'm running myself ragged again but I can't bring myself to worry about it now. Especially, when I'm the reason why I'm working like a Yorkshire pig.

Clerical Update

Mostly just playing around in Twine, and answering asks. I wanted to do something for February cause it is the month of love, but I think I ended up getting overwhelmed with real life and other shit so that went to the gutter.

I think I'm gonna hire someone to make a special UI for me... I'm tired of fighting with twine, and I really just want to focus on writing, so if anyone has like recommendations for twine/tweego wizards or thinks that they can take a crack at it, let ya girl know.

I am paying.

Progress Update

So... Not a lot of progress was made in February month lol but again. The laz was real~

March was MUCH more progressive, (probably cause I ended up stressing myself out about getting the game out by Summer (June or July ???) Tentative of course 🥴🥴🥴)

Overall, i am at 80k+ words!

Progress for Routes

Search and Destroy: <1%

Interlude (TBA): 5%

To be well: Completed

Yes, you read that right... I have officially finished writing to be well and have transitioned into draft editing for that route🎉🎉

Writing the final part of that route has inflicted psychological and visceral damage to my soul 💀 I thought I would be ok honestly like I just knew I was gonna be able to keep chugging along, but it hurt a little more than I imagined.

I'm ok tho, and I promise y'all will be ok too! I think? So don't worry too much!

Now I plan on pushing this draft through editing at least 3 times. The first time will be solely for missing scenes, evaluation of scenes, and then re-working them. The second time will be more focused on the characters and how they feel in the game. I'm aiming to flesh them out, and add breath to their actions and words. So fingers crossed I'm successful 🤞🏿🤞🏿

The third and final draft will be solely grammatical. If I catch anything funky in there, I'll patch it up but the goal is that for the third draft the number of mistakes are gonna be few. Heh, like that will actually happen.

After this is done, I'll go ahead and plug it into twine, test out the codes, and then send it to beta testers.

I also want to talk about beta testing for a minute too, cause we are getting into that hour.

its gonna be SUPER important that I get a good portion of beta testers due to the variability of this update. (If y'all think this current update is bad just wait 🥴🥴) Like, I'm only one person, and unfortunately for me, there are only so many errors I can catch.

I'll be releasing a survey again for people to fill out if they are interested. It'll be open for a month, and then decisions made in the following two weeks.

Next Months and Remaining Month Plans

Edit, edit, edit!!

Finish the touches on the Interlude.

Technically the piece of that is going in the update is gonna be significantly smaller than what I intended. Which is ok, cause ya girl was gonna lose her mind 🥴🥴

Start Search and Destroy

I think that's it? Again if you have questions, please let me know! Love y'all 🤎🤎

[masterwords]

Ok, so I’m so hyped for May and all the domestic Hotchgan! And you said blow up your ask box, so….

I would love a fic about Derek and Aaron taking a cooking (or baking) class together! I just think it could be so funny and sweet. (And probably more messy than they think it is. Maybe a little competitive 😅)

Turns out...I am not good at writing cooking classes. LOL This idea was one of my absolute favorites and I found it to be incredibly challenging. I had three different drafts, none of which were good, so I set myself a 30 minute timer this morning and just went to town...landed here. It's better than the others, but not great. At least it's coherent! I didn't edit it, just skimmed...so if there are horrific embarrassing errors. I'm sorry please forgive me. We're in the thick of baseball and getting ready for tournament season and end of the school year stuff so my time isn't as plentiful as I'd like but we're getting there! Doing the thing! (Not on AO3 yet...I'm being lazy.)

Words: 1.7k

Warnings: food, it's all food based.

** hey shorty **

“You should take Penelope,” Derek muttered, one last attempt at salvaging his Saturday afternoon. “She would love this.”

“She bought the gift for us, Derek. To do together.”

He’d forgotten that part. Maybe not entirely, but he was clinging to some thread of hope that maybe she had wanted to go to the classes too. And if she did, he wouldn’t have to.

“It’s just gonna be a bunch of nerds…” Now he was whining. He wasn’t proud of it.

“It’s an hour, Derek.”

“An hour I’ll never get back.”

In the end, it turned out to be two hours...but two hours Derek was glad to have been present for. The instructor, an old woman with a thick Scottish accent and a frown that could rival Hotch’s any day of the week got right to business. No jokes, no wasted time.

She started by explaining the history of shortbread, and Derek breathed an audible sigh of relief. His ultimate fear was that they were going to be making something awful...it was described by Penelope as a “historical cooking class” and she gave him no more information. Hotch knew but refused to divulge – so he’d looked it up, and it turned out there were three possible classes it could have been given the time and day. One of them was making something called a medieval beef pie and something about the thought of that made him feel ill. Shortbread he could do.

Or so he thought.

“Pilcaithly Bannock,” she said and Derek couldn’t help glancing around the room to see if anyone else was as lost as he was. Turned out, he was not alone. “It’s a traditional shortbread made with the addition of almonds and a few flavors you may find intriguing. The recipe we’ll be using comes from a cookbook written in 1861.”

At her direction, everyone filed up toward the front of the classroom where she handed them a bin full of ingredients and cooking utensils with a photocopy of a recipe taped to the top. Hotch and Derek glanced at one another thoughtfully, both impressed by the instructor’s organization. Suddenly Derek, who had never considered himself much in the kitchen, felt like he might actually be able to do this.

Hotch baked. He loved to do it. His insomnia sometimes led to incredible pastries, flaky dough and sweet treats that helped him ease his troubled mind in the wee hours of the night. He would come back to bed around 3am with the house smelling like a bakery and a little flour in his hair and Derek would wake up starving and salivating. But him? No. He could grill, and he could do that with the best of them...and he could eat, boy could he eat...but baking required so much precision, measurement, time and patience. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do it, it was that he didn’t want to. Nothing about it was appealing except eating the end result.

They were not supposed to talk while they worked, but everyone seemed to want to chatter a little. The instructor poured herself a mug of coffee and stood in a corner observing for a long while. Surrounding them was the chaos and clatter of a kitchen, mixing bowls and whisks and spoons and running water.

“What does it mean when it says to beat the butter to a cream?” Derek whispered, leaning over close to Hotch. “Isn’t that already what it is?”

Hotch tipped his bowl in Derek’s direction and showed him the thick peaks of creamed butter with a smirk. “Just use your whisk and whip it.”

“Too bad we don’t have stand mixers in here.”

“Seems like a good time to put those muscles you work so hard on to good use…” Hotch muttered and Derek, under his breath, called him a shithead.

“Mine’s gonna be so much better than yours.”

“Keep dreaming,” Hotch replied so quietly, so sure of himself that it became Derek’s entire mission in life to do this one thing as perfectly as he could. So, stepping back, he read the entire recipe top to bottom and then again, closer, before he set to whipping the butter. He was a little behind the rest of the class, they all looked like they were adding in the flour and sugar and almonds, but he wasn’t concerned. He could take his damn time.

And he did. He chopped his almonds into fine little bits, he made sure there were no clumps in his dough that he would definitely classify as a “paste” in accordance with the recipe, and when he scored his final product before taking it up to the oven he was...well, he was proud.

Until he saw Hotch’s, which looked borderline professional. His heart sank. The students all piled their trays into the waiting preheated ovens and set to their next task...cleaning up while the shortbread did its thing.

“If mine is better,” Hotch said while he scrubbed his countertop, “you take me out to lunch at Shake Shack.”

Derek scowled. It wasnt’t that he didn’t like Shake Shack, but he wasn’t in the mood for greasy burgers and milkshakes. “And if I win, you take me down to Così.”

When the timers began going off, the instructor pulled them out of the oven one by one. She inspected each tray before handing them off to their owners to begin cooling. The look she gave Derek was impossible for him to read, but he could see the admiration on her face when she looked at Hotch’s perfect little slab of shortbread. He began mentally preparing himself to eat at Shake Shack, to watch Hotch with his mushroom burger and frozen custard quietly gloating over his perfect performance. He realized in that moment that while he loved Hotch, he probably would have hated him had they met in high school. That smug look on his face was getting Derek all sorts of riled up and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to kiss him or smack him. Maybe both.

“How are they?” he asked when Hotch broke off a corner to try. He just shrugged and looked...disappointed.

“I could have done better. They’re a little tough.”

Derek stared at him agape. “They look professional, man.”

“I over-mixed the flour. They’re not bad but they don’t crumble the way they’re supposed to.”

Derek, horrified by what his own creation must be like in order for Hotch to be disappointed in his own turnout, stared down at his slab. They were darker than Hotch’s by at least one full shade, and a little extra even on the edges. Slowly, he reached out and broke off a corner of his to try and it crumbled in his fingers.

Hotch was watching him closely with a sweet smile on his face. “That’s perfect, Derek.”

“What are you talking about? It fell apart.”

The instructor made her way to their counter and peered at both of their creations. First she looked at Hotch’s, broke off a corner, and Derek saw the same look of disappointment on her face that Hotch had.

“They taste incredible,” she started with a smile. “But you’ve overmixed a bit, haven’t ye?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Give it another try at home.” Hotch smiled and nodded at her encouragement, proceeding to clean up the rest of his station and package up his failed attempt at shortbread. He could turn it into ice cream topping or something else at home at least. It was salvageable. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the instructor inspecting Derek’s.

“Nice color,” she began before grabbing a bit and watching it crumble in her hands. Her smile, once somewhat timid, widened. “Ahhh. That’s perfect.” She snapped off one whole cookie and held it in her hands reverently before snatching a chair, dragging it over to where Derek stood and stepped up on top of the seat. She stood now beside a very confused Derek, her hands still cradling the cookie.

“An old Scottish tradition is to break a slab of shortbread over a bride’s head. If it crumbles, the marriage will be good and fruitful. Shall we give this young man’s shortbread a try?”

The class erupted in laughter and applause, so she held her hands now over Derek’s head and snapped the cookie. It barely took a second before it crumbled to bits and fell over Derek’s head and shoulders in cookie dust. He shut his eyes and laughed along with everyone.

“Ahhh. Well, if that’s any indicator of the strength of your marriage…” she said, doing her best to get safely down off of the chair with Derek’s help. “Job well done.” Derek glanced at Hotch and shrugged, thinking he would find the man looking jealous or disappointed in himself...but all he found was Hotch with tears in his damn eyes and a smile on his face. The big softy.

In the car afterward, Hotch sitting in the passenger seat with two takeaway containers of shortbread on his lap, Derek poked the bear. “Did you hear her say mine was perfect?”

“I did.”

“She used the word perfect. Not good or great...perfect.”

“I heard.”

“Just makin’ sure. I know your ears don’t work so good, shorty.”

"Derek..." Hotch mumbled, giving him the side-eye. Derek just smiled broad and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Whassup shorty?"

Hotch had no response, but he couldn't help the ghost of a smile that ticked up at the corner of his mouth. Being called shorty was probably the least of his concerns. Derek was about to be insufferable over this shortbread ordeal for the remainder of the weekend and he would just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Derek, with a wicked little grin on his face, drove them straight to Shake Shack, bypassing Così on the way. He won the competition in class fair and square, but the instructor was right. He did have a pretty damn good marriage, and part of what made it so good was knowing when his partner might need a little pick-me-up...even if he did make the superior treat. He won cooking class.

But Hotch needed that frozen vanilla custard for his wounded pride and Derek was going to make sure he got it. (But if he crumbled a little of his perfect shortbread on top...well, could he really be blamed? It was perfect.)

[squadrah]

Any way we could get a comprehensive list of all the conditions, allergies etc. that you HC Melone with? Your characterization of Mel is my absolute favorite!!

First, thank you for the kind words, I'm very happy you like my characterization so much! <3

Your ask made me realize that I actually had something from my CuriousCat, so I will put that whole thing here! I also found some other drafts of mine that hinted at Melone stuff, so I will look those over and add anything that isn't here (and after that I will hopefully also finish up and queue those drafts just to stay on topic!)

From My CuriousCat

"What are all your medical HCs for Melone?"

The first time I discussed Melone's potential health issues was when I listed some conditions for him in my La Squadra headcanon/drawing meme, the full version of which is here. For this post I'll include my original portrait of Melone separately since it demonstrates some of what I'll be talking about:

(For the meme, I listed the following conditions: comorbidities, amblyopia, allergies.)

Originally I didn't think a lot about medical conditions, but after listening to some friends talk about potential clues to Melone having poor health (his mask hinting at eye problems, the fact that his Stand works remotely so he doesn't have to engage his targets directly, and even things like his stiff gait in the now-defunct JoJo's Pitter Patter Pop mobile game), I decided that this reading of Melone made sense, and started thinking more about it. That said, since I'm not chronically ill and have little experience with chronic illness in my everyday life, I can only talk in vague terms.

As mentioned above, I had amblyopia listed in the drawing meme, meaning one "lazy" eye that Melone might also be mostly blind in. I've seen others say that his covered eye could be an implant, which is also interesting! In the end I went with amblyopia for the aesthetic.

By comorbidities, I was thinking an autoimmune disorder and some comorbid conditions exacerbating it and causing symptoms like joint pain, chronic pain, or insomnia. My portrait shows Melone with vitiligo both as an aesthetic choice (adding even more visual interest, which makes his portrait one of my all-time favorites I've done) and as a way of reflecting this condition, and an added motive was that I just feel like these little things make a difference and might make people with vitiligo feel more seen. Basically Melone is usually in mild to moderate pain, and on his bad days, it gets progressively worse, so he takes a lot of medication and indulges in hot baths. I would also add in retrospect that I could see him having occasional seizures, which tend to land him in the ER from time to time - along with stuff like minor accidents, having alcohol too soon after taking medication, or allergy flare-ups.

Speaking of allergies, my headcanon came from talking to a friend and joking about Melone figuring out through trial and error what he can and cannot have. Lactose intolerance is definitely among those in my land, so Melone has to take his lactaid if he wants a milkshake. Other allergies that I can remember later thinking about were to gluten, possibly sea food, and maybe even stuff like latex.

I didn't go into more detail in the original draft because it sometimes makes me feel sad to think about these things (and as I am editing this, the sentiment holds true), but because of Melone's general design and Stand design, these do make sense to me and honestly, it also helps to flesh out other aspects of his character. Thinking about potential medical conditions for him led to my absolute favorite headcanon for Melone, which is him taking ER selfies of himself and with friends, so for every trip to the emergency room, he has a few photos of himself flashing a victory sign while hooked on an IV, etc. It's funny and eccentric but also heartwarming and heartbreaking in a way: he is just making the most out of his condition and he has friends to help him and make the journey feel less harrowing.

I hope this answers your question, and thank you again for your kind words! It always makes me so happy when people enjoy my version of the characters! <3