#I actually don’t like talking very much I find it exhausting…unless it’s someone I’m really close with I jsut don’t like it
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dreamlightofyourway · 2 months ago
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if one more person tells me to “speak up” or “talk more” I might loose it. sorry I don’t feel the need to yell or talk constantly about nothing. sorry I have a rich inner world and don’t need to yap in order to fill the void. I actually am okay with sitting in silence. and I’m just naturally very soft spoken so if I talk at a “regular” volume I feel like I’m yelling and I hurt my voice
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fierceawakening · 1 year ago
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You know, the more I think about my mom’s behavior, the more the thing Forbidden YouTube calls “vulnerable narcissism” makes sense to me as an explanation, whether or not there is such a thing above and beyond stuff this one person I am related to does.
That being that literally everything is bad to or for her. My dad got implants put in his mouth and now she struggles to hear him, but instead of “oh fuck, this is an unfortunate confluence of disabilities it’s “I can’t understand him! Fierce, can you understand him! It’s just SO UPSETTING THAT I CANT UNDERSTAND MY OWN HUSBAND clearly the guy doing the implants is a HORRIBLE RIP OFF. I tried to convince him NOT TO SEE THAT GUY but NO.”
Or worse, “WHY doesn’t he pronounce words CLEARLY,” knowing he had speech therapy. Which is just mean, and would be even if people with normal hearing struggled to understand him too. But we don’t. Or at least I don’t.
All this when he’s in the middle of a surgery procedure with stages so switching dentists is a bad idea unless he’s doing it wrong or something.
Like it’s unfair she’s hearing impaired, just like it’s unfair I have impaired mobility. But no one failed to put a curb cut in a useful place AT me. I Can be annoyed at whoever designed or built it, but I shouldn’t lament my plight in ways that make other people feel bad but can’t be solved. All I can do is decide if I want to walk around to find a cut or if I don’t.
On some level my attitude is my responsibility. I have to decide to deal, or to make a change.
Which is likely why The Forbidden YouTubes say not to try to convince your family member or partner to change. Because if they’re fundamentally convinced things are bad AT them, that’s a distortion that no one can undistort but them. By choice.
Which is a thing I did by choice when I decided to work on my own mental health. I tried very hard to ask myself what I could expect from other people and what I’d need to provide to them for our relationships to be positive, and thought really hard about how to get what I needed if I was asking too much.
It was kind of painful to withdraw when I still felt hurt, and it took a lot of getting used to. Now, though? “Hey Fierce, I feel for you but I’m overwhelmed myself/I need to go for dinner with friends/blah” “Oh okay, I’m gonna talk to another friend/play video games/exercise until im too exhausted to feel like shit. Thanks for listening.” And I still feel kinda bad but that’s not a betrayal. Friend left because Friend has own life. Which is just as scary and confusing as mine is.
When I see Tumblr saying that people just GET to not show empathy, or just GET to offer non reciprocal relationships, it really sounds to me like what’s being said is “you don’t have to bother trying not to hurt others, you poor baby.”
And I just… no. You get to think about whether someone’s demands are too much, sure. You get to decide the answer is yes.
But that may actually mean “the compassionate thing to do is cut this person off, because I’m unable to be the kind of partner or friend they need unless I become better at reciprocal relationships, which is hard for me.”
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gothfionaapple · 11 months ago
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I find it difficult to believe that new year’s day is the best time for deciding what changes to make - you may not realise, but you’ve spent the last couple months being flooded with advertising that slowly primes you for the realisation that you are indeed too unfit, too lazy, too distracted, sub-optimal, etc etc. You ate too much over Christmas, you drank too much on new years, now you might find yourself - just like everybody else - deciding to exercise more, drink less, focus on your career, be more outgoing, or whatever else it is salaried people care about. However, I - also like everybody else - rely on arbitrary markers of time to make sense of the world. And I don’t rejoice at tearing down the things that hold people in one piece, keeping everyone from crumbling at the largeness of the world. So, 2024 resolutions:
I would like to be more warm and present, less self aware. I’m trying to practice a level of genuine openness that I don’t normally feel comfortable with. Ultimately I would love to be the kind of person that people find easy to talk to - at the moment I’m aware that I have an awkwardness about me that can come across as rude or indifferent. I wouldn’t mind appearing this way if I had ever been indifferent about anything in my entire life.
I also want to use my phone, namely social media, more. I think I might be the only person with this resolution. I’m so bad at replying to people or knowing what’s going on at all. I think it’s currently a disservice to be so unaware of my larger social world.
Lastly, I hope to get more of my thoughts out of my head in a clearer way. I cant help when using this page to be so grossed out by my self focus, which is odd because I decided to use it like a diary rather than focusing on the idea that anyone might read anything here (which realistically isn’t going to happen unless I let it). So the fictional reader might notice that I’m writing poorly and with lots of “I”. But I’m trying to get comfier with just letting things go somewhere else so I don’t have to think about it anymore, and so that when I do write I can dump and edit rather than begin at a high standard that I cant actually maintain. I’m also forcing myself to be okay with writing in this sort of crap first person stream-of-consciousness way so that when I write in a more separated way I can place myself in there more, and find a way to express my position on it all. Does it make sense? Not really. You, the fictional reader, might find that all of these resolutions come back to me struggling to exist within rather than outside of. As someone who loves art that is contextual, and who loves their own context, I struggle to actually see myself in that context. A drunk friend a couple months ago said my greatest weakness (after I asked) was that I need to see that I also have what I admire about the world. If he ever reads this and thinks that’s not what he said, please correct me because I was pretty drunk too. But I’ll take it as I remember it! I think he just meant that I seem to observe a lot more than I exist. I’ve had that pretty confirmed in other ways.
So, the goal is to try and be in the world, somehow. It’s exhausting dumping these kind of feelings onto a keyboard. Do I need a sign off? Maybe. I’ve never been very good at concluding things appropriately.
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writing-ardent · 1 year ago
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So I hit the apps again today
I used to be alone. It’s not that I didn’t have friends. I had plenty of those. All kinds of friends. Cool friends, scared friends, sad friends, party friends…you name it. I guess there were a lot of people in my life. A lot of numbers in my phone’s contact list.
But for some reason, it wasn’t enough. Maybe I’m selfish. Maybe I don’t appreciate them for who they are. I don’t know why but, I always feel so empty, even when I’m around the people I care about the most.
That’s why I spent the entire day on dating apps. They’re what everyone seems to be using now a days to find friends, lovers, and a nice quick fuck. Man, I wish I could find any three of those. Whenever I get lucky enough to find one it always turns out to be the things I don’t want at the time.
I really don’t see what’s so good about these apps. Sure I get a lot of hits on them, but they never mean anything. I’m not exactly self conscious about my appearance above the belt, but you know that problem I mentioned before? Yeah. It’s a frustrating numbers game I’ll never hope to win no matter how low I can force my expectations with a few drinks.
I guess this one is a little better. More friendly to pansexuals my friend said. I guess she has a point, but it’s still not really going to get a gold metal from me just for being mediocre instead of outright bad.
It was swipe after swipe. I tried to be optimistic. There were a few cute people here and there. Maybe I’ll finally have a decent conversation that isn’t just a copy paste of the exact same one I had the last time I was on one of these apps.
It’s boring. I really hate it and I don’t even feel excited anymore when I see someone I want to swipe. I guess I’m smart enough not to get my hopes up anymore on a subconscious level.
I decided to take a break and prod around on some other things I have on my phone. Probably not the ibuddy app though. That was one of the biggest wastes of time you’ve ever tried. It felt like you were talking to a brick wall. Advanced robot my ass. You would have a better time talking to the guy on meth that likes to roam around your street at night.
Time to go on the forms you like to surf. Forms isn’t really accurate though. It’s just a subsection of Paradise, which is one of those big companies that used to be a bunch of small ones. Ive lost track of how many are left now. The last time I checked there were three I think?
The forms were much more interesting than the dating app. This was much better. The kind of thing to finally bring my mood up after an exhausting day. Some memes usually cheer me right up. Or they at least come about as close to it as I’m going to get on a REALLY bad day.
There were a lot of good anime ones this time. They aren’t as good as the cute animal videos, but they’re still pretty nice I guess. At least when it’s for a fandom I’m part of and actually know about. If it’s not I have to sit there quietly and pretend like I didn’t see it. It’s pretty rude to like something for a fandom you aren’t in.
It looked like there was a new format I wasn’t aware of. It was little icons of characters sending people text messages, but with some logo in the corner I didn’t recognize. I thought that maybe this was one of those new surreal ones where it looks like it’s normal unless you get the very specific niche joke. This was something I had to look up right away so that I could start spamming all my friends with them. Well, the ones that like these kind of memes anyway.
That was when I got a phone call from my uncle David. David is a nice guy, but he’s pretty out of touch. He’s from the olden days back before we had things like self driving cars and self serving plates. It’s nice though to talk to him sometimes. My friends all think I’m crazy because I still grow my own plants and eat parts of them. He might be a funny guy that doesn’t know how to text, but I love him and he’s great.
“How’s it going Tripp? Did you get that email I sent you?”
“Fine. And yeah, I did.”
This was a lie of course. He sends me so many emails with random articles about things like climate change and animal facts. It’s almost always something I already know and am bored by, but I know it would break his heart if I told him that, so I just go along with it since it’s usually something I’m already aware of anyway.
“Wonderful! I know it’s hard to get a job these days. Hang in there.”
I was about to start my new business this week actually, but that’s not exactly something I talk about in polite company, especially not in front of uncle David.
“Thanks, that means a lot. It’s really hard, you know?”
There’s a pause before he speaks again.
“I know it too well. Did I tell you the story about the strike of twenty thirty five?”
“You did. And it was a really good story. I’m glad you got heating and cooling back. You probably saved a lot of people by doing that.”
“I’m glad you remember it. Listen, I just want you to be ok. Your generation is out future you know.”
“I know.”
He’s said that a thousand times now. Everyone his age is always saying things like that. I’m surprised I didn’t end up seeing one of the thousands of memes about the kind of things old people say before I picked up the phone actually.
“Did your kale grow any bigger yet?”
“Yeah, I can’t wait to eat it! That shit is so good!”
“I have another plant for you if you want it.”
Oh no. Not another plant. I have so many of them that I don’t have any room left for another one. This was something uncle David is known for. While I love to learn about plants from him, he also seems to have an endless supply that he won’t stop giving people. And the worst part is that I can never stop myself from saying no to another one because god damn it, I just love plants ok?!
“Oh damn, that’s great! I’m free Tuesday if you want to bring it over!”
“That sounds great. I’ll talk to you later. Murphy wants to play.”
“Please let him and throw a frisbee for me!”
“I will. Talk to you later. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hung up the phone and sighed. It was nice talking with uncle David, but I always just feel so drained after I do it every time. I’m not really sure why. I love him and he really shouldn’t be this hard for me to talk to, but he just is.
God damn it, I was going to need more coffee. I pull up a delivery app on my phone. The nearest place was probably be the quickest. I typed in what I wanted on my phone and went to my porter. It’s actually a porter printer hybrid, but I don’t use the printer part of it very often because art just isn’t really my thing and those machines are way too complicated.
It didn’t take long for the coffee to show up. It’s pretty easy to port things when there’s nothing organic in them. It’s why most foods are synthetic now a days. This way we can have something delicious whenever we want it. If you ask me, that is an amazing invention.
I sipped the coffee. It was burned. But that’s pretty much what I would expect from a fast food place. They aren’t exactly known for being quality, but the upscale franchises are too far away and I was kind of lazy that day.
I looked out the window. It’s was a nice day in the ocean. That’s the window I picked out. It was either that or the neon pink one with the anime girl on it. I figured I would go for the more tasteful option even if it was kind of surreal. Oh who am I kidding. I was drunk when I picked it. Still one of the best decisions of my life.
I finally remembered what I was going to do before uncle David called. I was going to finally look up what that weird as fuck meme was about. I can’t believe it slipped my mind so easily on that day. I guess I’m just easily distractible like that.
I decided to check out the Paradise page of the one who posted the latest version of the meme. That’s usually the best way to find out what an in joke is if you don’t have enough information to search an actual archived wiki for it. Paradise always loads faster anyway because they shell out the big money to ISPs that nonprofit archives can never even hope to scramble together.
They were talking about how they made it using this new app. It was called DJINN. Weird name for an app. Kind of made me think of the genie from Aladdin or something out of an RPG. That was a weird name for a shitposting app, but hey I’ve seen weirder. Penguin was definitely an experience.
Might as well check it out. I decided to just click the link directly. It probably wasn’t a virus if this many people were using it and I was way too lazy to try to dig up the wiki. Sponsored links didn’t have the same lagging problem because Paradise got money from it if you clicked.
When the page finally loaded, I almost spat out my coffee.
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chocolate-terminal · 2 years ago
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Clarity Shortcut
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I’m sorry for all the confusion, for making you feel hurt and possibly even humiliated. I never meant to do that. You’re precious to me.
I’m sorry for communicating so terribly. I wanted to keep a boundary for a few months until I completed what I wanted to complete and had a clear idea of were I wanted to take things. Even if it was just an abstract distance. (And it definitely exists, that’s where the frustration comes from)
It was sort of a loyalty thing.
I was gonna explain it all very carefully so you would know my exact perspective, but clearly this was taking too damn long.
And I wanted to meet you in the meantime, because I still felt that for all the love I did not know you enough.  
Until another time, if you want it.
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in everything but EXTERNALITY. Fucking hell. Obviously I can’t be meaning in externality only since we don’t really have that. Still. “It’s important not to hide the madness’. So I’ll let it up. Anyway, the picture below basically explains it.
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A moment?
‘But it wasn’t just a moment!’. Yes. But how much time have we actually spent together? There’s a reason I kept on inviting you! It’s easy to spiral into a person when you can build amazing fantasies out of what they give you. The love is real, but are we good together? 
And besides I still I didn’t have that talk, so the time elapsed isn’t the problem really.
Hot’n’Cold
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So far, it’s been a rollercoaster, and in many ways it’s great.. but.. it’s exhausting, isn’t it? We’ve been kinda like addicts. We both know it’s true.  We need to spend some time apart. What then?
For once, no pronouncement. Let’s just find out. ... ... ... Ok, 1 pronouncement. Never forgotten! 
Of that you can rest assured.
..You’re too weird! :D
(Unless I have to do it to save someone soul or something. You wouldn’t hold that against me, right? :p) (Fantasy scenario of course.)
Now about that question:
It’s not like I’m actually expecting an answer.
It’s more for you to reflect on your real desires even as we stand now.
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mercurytrinemoon · 4 years ago
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Another post on Moon signs you can drag me for
Before we get into the actual thing, I'd like to say this post initially started as something else but ultimately, what I tried to put across is, sometimes Moon signs aren’t that easy to decipher. It’s easy to grasp overall characteristics of the signs and then learn how to identify their specific traits. But what people seem to forget it that Moon represents the deepest side of us & our inner world - it’s uncommon to really see someone’s side of it unless you really pay attention. Sometimes I’m surprised to see what someone’s Moon sign is even if I know this person well. Meaning, people usually hide that part of them - or they just simply process it internally and others can’t see their emotional reactions. It’s also uncommon for folks these days to fully express their emotional needs so it gets even trickier to pin-point their Moon characteristics. I don't think I have to mention this but, of course, your entire chart should be taken into account, as well as house placement, aspects. Personally, I like to also look at Moon's dispositor.
Let’s start from my friends, Gemini Moons, who, I feel, get a bad rep for not showing their feelings and scanning every emotion like an AI. Nah-ah. I know this one Gemini Moon whose immediate emotional reactions aren’t very cerebral in the sense of processing everything in the mind and intellectualizing it aka, what people like to label as being un-emotional. Instead her reactions are often fast (air energy) but physically expressed through Mercury (Gemini Moon’s dispositor) and Sun (overall identity) – she has them both in Aries. She’s a crybaby who can burst into tears in a matter of seconds. So she’s not something that would stereotypically be assigned to a Gemini Moon. But what I did notice is that all Gemini Moons tend to have this weird look on their face when they’re processing stuff. As if they were about to have a brain malfunction; they stop and have that specific worried look. They also like to either gossip or tell stories (either real or made up lol); they’re great with words - they can talk for hours if they feel comfortable with you. They just crave interaction and mental stimulation. Their quick reactions tend to make them effortlessly witty. Even if they’re a withdrawn Gemini type, they make up for it through social media and technology or just a quiet exploration. My shy Cancer pal with Moon in Gemini is now a brand/website designer and an instagram queen who travels the world. This is great energy for content creators in general. And don’t forget that Geminis need to have their fingers in many pies. It’s because they always have a backup plan… and they get bored easily so they need that chaos around them to feel at home. They like to have options in everything, which is kind of funny cause it’s hard for them to make up their minds and actually choose something. And they store a lot of information in their brains… I feel like it must be exhausting, no? 
On the other side of the axis, whenever I see someone with a Sagittarius Moon, I can immediately say “yup, a Sag Moon indeed” (probably thanks to my Sag stellium), meaning, they all seem the same to me. Sag Moons often find comfort in exploration - best if it’s literal travel. They always seem to need to free themselves from their surroundings, family, roots or their own culture to discover something new and exciting, even if it’s only in the imaginary words - through books, movies and other medias. Their happiness always lies somewhere else from where they currently are. Like, I think all Sagittarius Moons that I know have left their parents and went their own paths early on. And they have this yolo attitude. Just like Sagittarius Suns, they’re massive dorks, probably also obnoxious… sometimes in a REALLY annoying way. They’re either a) very wise and curious b) lil preachy and stuck up c) just plain dumb clowns with no filter. But they’re all funny. And they take things lightly, with a natural ease. This means sometimes they may offend other people just because they assume everyone’s as chill as they are; „relax! I was just kidding!” - that’s a phrase you’ll hear from them often… I mean, unless you’re a jokester yourself and you’re unmoved by their sarcastic or teasing words. They have somewhat spiritual or philosophical nature so besides making you laugh, be prepared for deep monologues. They want to believe everything will eventually fall into place. It’s also hard to bring them down - or I should say, it’s hard to make them acknowledge that they're feeling down - they always try to distract or cover it up with a joke, usually a self-depricating one. If Sagittarius Moon (or Sagittarius in general tbh) is telling you that they’re unhappy, then it’s serious.
I’ve noticed there comes a point in life for a Libra Moon where they just have enough. They’re too nice for everyone and one day they wake up and yell about how they have to do everything for everyone and everyone wants something from them and bLah bLah. Makes me think of when Bieber was this overly nice kid and then he was like “I’M NOT TAKING PICTURES WITH FANS ANYMOREEEE AAGhJFJFUWIUq”. Yup, a Libra Moon, everyone. They know how to charm and appeal to people, I think overall they’re easily liked by others. Sometimes it’s simply because they like to kiss people’s ass just to avoid being rejected. That’d be a Libra Moon’s nightmare. They like other people’s company too much. And they thrive in relationships and in a big circle of friends. What they hate is confrontations (like every other Libra placement omg). They may be good mediators when it comes to other people but if they’re involved in an argument they get sooooo passive aggressive. They just don’t know how to handle conflicts - it’s as if their nervous system wasn’t designed for emotional outbursts (because, you know, everything needs to be peaceful and harmonious Venus-style). A fussy or angry Libra Moon will suddenly get loud as they blame someone for something… and then they’ll leave the room cause they’re scared to even hear the other side of the argument. Or, alternatively, they’ll make a doormat out of themselves just to stay quiet and avoid causing any rift. And making decisions? I think it’s common for them to have two different romantic interests and feeling so dramatically torned between them *Alexa play Agony from Into the Woods*. Then when they decide, they have problems breaking the bad news to one of them.
On the other end we have Aries Moons. *deep breath* Listen, I think I’ve said enough about having Moon in Aries (or rather purely dissing it) but last time it made a bit of controversy so why not wreak even more havoc. I have a good description for this one: I will punch you but be gentle with me cause it’s easy to break my fragile heart. So basically, imagine putting Buttercup and Bubbles into one person. And honestly, I need to say this, women with this placement are just hot badasses, look at friggin Angelina Jolie. The queen of badass. The queen of hot. People say because Aries folks move quickly (literally and figuratively lol), they often get bored with whatever got them excited last week... or yesterday. Ha, yeah, right. You get their heart to open up and they’re going to have their eyes for you ONLY, like a lil puppy. Give us treats and we’ll build our world around you. But NOT in a clingy way by any means, we need our space and independence after all. My lil niece is an Aries Moon and ever since I started playing guitar with her, she became my #1 fan or something. That’s the energy. But we get easily bored with day-to-day stuff so yeah, there’s that. Innocent and clumsy yet raw in their emotions - so there’s potential to make mistakes sometimes (or a lot of times) or having this tunnel vision, like „I want this and I don’t care about anything else!”. And then excusing it with some „but the heart wants what it wants” crap (looking @ ya, Selena Gomez). They experience constant inner movement and turbulence that needs a physical outlet in order to feel satisfied. WE NEED PASSION IN OUR LIVES, OKAY?!?!?? now leave me alone
Aquarius Moons aren’t as cold as you might think. People like to describe them as if their Moons actually disappeared from their charts: dEtaCheD, uNeMotiOnaL, tHey fEeL nOtHinG. It’s just they don’t sit and dwell on things, they find solutions to the problems. If something doesn’t make them feel right, they just leave that situation. They do care about other people’s well-being, they’re very sensitive in that regard, they’re humanitarians after all. Yeah, they detach, but from their own emotions - in order to make sense of them. They may seem like snow queens sometimes (and this comes from an Aqua rising) but they’re really friendly and if you pique Aqua Moon’s interest, they’re going to be curious about you. They like new exciting things so if you’re cool enough, you have their attention. Usually they’re pretty progressive as well and can’t stand injustice. That’s why you’ll see them standing up for those who are in need. Uranian energy gives them a specific type of sharp intuition and wit. Idk they’re just cute in a quirky way. But this buzzing, fast energy is a great recipe for anxiety, over-thinking and frequent changes of heart. Similarly to Sadges, they need constant exploration and stimuli. Intelligent, people-oriented (but not people-pleasing! Look to Libras for that), individualistic. They definitely need their own space and independence. Their decision-making is fast and it’s easy for them to just say „screw it, I’m doing this”. My Aquarius Moon friend just casually decided that she’s moving to Turkey cause nothing in our city (or even country) seems interesting or helping her expand… So she was like, see ya suckers, I’m leaving.
Leo Moons shine from within. You’ll spot them from a mile away even if they’re on the shyer side. They’re all lil stars no matter their profession. Very expressive people & easily excitable. Art galleries, live shows, theater - they love a creative environment even if they don’t pursue that lifestyle themselves... One of my Leo Moon friends is an art junkie – suggest taking her to an obscure play at the local bar, a music festival, a weird museum – she’ll say yes in the blink of an eye. And she loves discussing these things. A Leo Moon may not see themselves as artistically inclined, but usually sooner or later they at least try dipping their toes in music, arts, acting, dancing... you name it. They’ll learn a simple 3-chord song on a ukulele and then play it to you in excitement. Imagine a lil kid making you a puff piece and being super proud of it. Sometimes they just need some encouragement. Remember, Leos feed off of praise, that’s their fuel. Doesn’t mean they’re all proud, egotistical people but what it does mean is that they need a lil assurance to gain their self-confidence. I lived with a Leo Sun/Moon for almost 15 years (who’s a musician btw so yeah, a classic creative Leo type) - he did have some issues lol but ego wasn’t one of them. Drama followed him everywhere but I’m pretty sure he disliked it himself. BUT, with that being said, I feel like Leo Moons tend to dramatize themselves internally. People say it’s something Virgos or Geminis would do - because of their tendency to overthink, but Leos can just go straight to a worst-case scenario in their heads simply because they exaggerate everything. So don’t be surprised to see a Leo Moon feeling down and anxious. On the bright side, be their cheerleader and they’ll give that to you in return. They need sparks and dullness kills their upbeat spirit. They need to feel their own heartbeat so the feeling of excitement is crucial for their well-being. Romantic, giving and kind. They’re fixed fire so once they’re set on something or someone, they give their all and are rather loyal.
I feel like my chart low-key tells me I should dislike Taurus Moons but I just want to melt in their arms and just stay there? Like, forever? Low maintenance but a bit slow-moving and stubborn. They won’t settle easily, at least not officially, so you need to have a lot of patience with them. They need 3 things to feel secure and at peace: physical stimuli, time and a stable place they know they can always come back to. And it’s not like all of them are total lazy homebodies, they may be active spirits & travellers but they are going to have a reallyyyyy nice cosy flat somewhere near their childhood place (gotta be be close to their moms, you know). Not necessary materialistic but they may have one thing that they collect throughout their entire life and they won’t. ever. get. rid. of. it. There needs to be at least one constant in their life - like you know when Elton John decided to go to therapy but one thing he stuck to was shopaholism? Very Taurus Moon of him. Also, they’re very affectionate. In fact, may have issues differentiating between affection and passion - this is actually something Taurus Moon and Aries Moon have in common. Pro tip - and this is in regard to all Taurus placements - don’t smell bad when you’re around them (I mean, don't smell bad in general, no one likes stinky people lol). They have a sensitive smell. Doesn’t help that they like to smell everything. EVERYTHING. I swear, Taurus, stop sticking your nose in every single thing!!! You don't need to know how that piece of utensil smells like. Jeez.
Scorpio Moon (shoutout to those who remember me accidentally calling them sporpio last time I made a post on Moons lol). I honestly don’t know what to tell you... I feel like all you hear about Scorpio Moon is 100% true, there’s nothing to debunk here. It’s the Moon of extremes. Prone to jealousy and surpressing emotions; severe trust issues; they’re instigators. I was low-key bullied by a few Scorpio Moons when I was in school so there’s that. Very secretive and private. Scorpio Moon will be like “I’m in control of the situation!!!!” and you’ll just look at them and think, yeah, right, looks like the situation is controlling you. But keep being in denial, sure. Like, don’t get me wrong, Scorpios in general can be TOTAL SWEETHEARTS OMG but ya’ll have issues. Even celebrities who have this placements... Think Beyonce or Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus... I feel like they have issues lol, especially with control and the need for everything to be perfectly the way they want it to be. To be fair, that’s probably why they’re all so influential and high status: it’s either their way or highway. They need constant reinvention; they’re the ones to wake up one day and decide they’re going through a spiritual awakening blah blah. They also like to talk about dark and shocking topics while having casual lunch with you... So like, be warned that you may end up with a depressed mood after talking to them for 10 minutes. And their mood swings... don’t even get me started on that.
I don't know where to start with Virgo Moons... I feel like they're very calculated and nit-picky but they're a lot warmer than Virgo Suns. I think I called them softies in my last Moon post. Very sweet people but prone to anxiety. You gotta experience seeing them having a heart attack over someone mixing bananas with milk or messing with their stuff that’s been put in a perfect arrangement. I saw a Virgo Moon once literally squealing shouting "YOU'RE GONNA RUIN YOUR LAPTOP WITH THAT SUPERGLUE!!!" Highly entertaining to watch, not gonna lie. Gordon Ramsay has his Moon in Virgo - it’s conjunct Uranus and Pluto so that’s an extreme but I think him being fed up with people over small inconsistencies in their food prep is a perfect example of this energy (btw his chart is hilarious, it literally explains EVERYTHING). They're VERY picky with their food as well, just as Virgo Suns tend to be. Like, they’ll only have a specific type of single origin coffee or they’ll be vegan or something. Self-critical over their work, which is a plus... except for when finishing a simple task takes them a few hours because they want to make it perfect. They take everything seriously. This of course doesn't mean they're total bores - on the contrary, Mercurial energy gives them witty approach and a talent for choosing the right words at the right time. Tho they can be a bit awkward or shy with it. Can be as bubbly as Gemini but the grounded earthy energy gives them more practical and almost nurturing nature - earth signs are providers after all and Virgo is the sign of service - helping others is like their second nature. I’ve noticed they often find comfort in devoting themselves to a choosen task - this is why if they pursue something, they’re really good at it. They’re also very likely to dissect their emotions.
I’m not a fan of water Moons in general but Pisces Moon is the best water Moon in my opinion. Maybe because I like Pisces overall. I think it’s like a tweaked Sagittarius Moon - just more internalized, withdrawn & gloomy. But unlike Sag, who has a tendency to be an adventurous optimist, Pisces likes to focus on the negatives instead. Obviously, they can be very upbeat, they’re Jupiter-ruled after all, but there’s somehing whiny about them lol. Just like Sadges, they dream big and have their standards put up sooo high but if there's not much active energy in their charts, they’re often too passive to actually fullfill any of that - or I should say, they’re stuck daydreaming about it, believing it’ll just magically manifest for them... OR they do everything with an apathetic approach. What I do like about them is that they’re funny. And really chill - sometimes to the point of coming off as confused or hazy. I feel like a lot of them would just love to sleep all day... or sit by the lake and just think about the world. Most of them are also compassionate folks - again, maybe a bit too much. Hey Pisces, you don’t have to take everything to heart, it’s okay. On the bright side, they have big imagination and the ability to disconnect and just create. I have a few Pisces Moons in the family: one’s that sleepy artistic type with grand visions, one is an asshole-ish but funny entrepreneur with a questionable work ethic and one is a witty IT guy who’s actually a workaholic and likes to shut in his own world of computers and numbers or whatever he does there... So there’s this factor of tunnel vision, escapism and, on the more negative side, being kinda iffy and almost addicted to the way they want things to be. Once they set their eyes on something it’s done deal…
My issue with Capricorn Moons is that they're often trying to be sooooo mature omg, like, loosen up a bit. It usually starts when they're in their later teens... They can be the most rebellious kid that likes to have fun and suddenly they'll be like "I'm too old for this ugh grow up" *judgmental stare*. My 18-year old niece once literally roasted my sister that she's in her 30s and still doesn't have her own place (well so do I so I guess she also indirectly roasted me as well???). And she was SO deadpan with it. Because she herself wants to be independent and start a family before turning 25. This is classic Capricorn Moon energy. They suck out joy out of everything lol. Of course, OF COURSE, it depends on the whole chart but I feel like worst-case scenario is that at one point in their life (or maybe even a few times throughout it) they go through a massive shake-up that makes them change their attitude and re-evaluate their structures. There's this multi-instrumentalist Yvette Young - she's a sweet, funny Cancer/Leo mix but her Moon is in Capricorn. She used to be a competitive pianist but the pressure that was put on her has led her to severe health issues. Like yes, she’s now an extremely talented musician - thanks to family’s expectations & a rigid schooling system (Saturn) but it did cost her a lot. She has recovered since then but I think it's a perfect example of this energy. It’s very ambitious and hardworking but emotionally demanding in the sense that you have to actually put your emotions aside in order to deal with the rest. Another thing, because Moon can be associated with family, there's often a weird dynamic surrounding this topic. I don't think I've met a Capricorn Moon that had a completely healthy and happy relationship with their fam or one of the family members. Or, alternatively, there can be a strong bond between one of them but usually created in the atmosphere of hardships.
Last but not least, Cancer Moons. I had three school friends with this placement and all of them made this sad, whiny face as they said „oh I don’t knoooow anymoreee”  when they were feeling torned or frustrated. To be fair, two of them are water Suns so for them, it added to the mushyness. All Cancer Moons I know are family people or better yet, baby people. One of those school friends is now a guidance counsellor, working with kids; the other turned her instagram into a gallery of her own child after she gave birth. So much kid content, omg. There’s also something very indecisive about them… or I should say, hesitant. They’re not very fast at making decisions. Also, what’s interesting, they’re kind of like walking libraries, they remember a lot – so they store a lot of information in their brains just like air signs but they process it in a completely different way – emotional, obviously. I think this also makes them hold grudges a lot. For them it’s more of a question of „how does it make me feel?” rather than „how valid is it?”. There’s certain stubborness in them in that regard because they don’t keep their minds open. It’s also hard for them to walk away from people and situations, like a crab pinching you with its claws – it won’t let go. Sensitive but not easy to open up; very protective of themselves and their loved ones & they tend to shut down in their crab shells. But they may crave connection and the feeling of belonging. Also very caring and with a big imagination. They’re very receptive of their environment so mood swings are a thing for them.
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subwaysurf45 · 3 years ago
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Scrub-a-Dub
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summary; Bucky asks you to cut and wash his hair. 
words; 1413
warning: literally nothing this is fluff
Masterlist!
You have always been the one trusted to cut Bucky’s locks, he always asked you to do it rather than go to a barber. He would set everything up and be too shy to ask you to join him in the washroom so he’d sit in the little chair and hope you’d walk in soon, sometimes he could hear you watching TV outside the bathroom and just wait for you to come in for a commercial bathroom break. 
“Bucky, I told you, just ask me,” you sigh and get your scissors out, he gets everything else out. 
“But I feel greedy when I ask,” he trails off and looks down at his feet, you just sigh and stand behind him. 
He tells you what he wants and you begin, it’s simple. just a little off everywhere and a tad shorter at the front, it was his classic cut. On really bad days during a breakdown he’d ask you to shave his head but he would be in hysterics when he’d ask, you never felt like it was really the Bucky you knew talking to you. He always liked his long hair, in the 40′s you’d never see a man with hair that long; unless they were a hippie before the prime. he liked pulling it back into a bun to match you and sometimes taking your hand and manually running it through his hair until you got the hint. 
You snipped away what needed to be snipped, it only takes around half an hour, it’s very easy because of his straight hair. every time you’d look into the mirror to see Bucky’s face his eyes were always closed, he said you gave him ‘tingles’ whenever you’d touch his head. his smile was so cute, the best part is that it was always involuntary. his cheek dimples would pop up and his eyelids gently rested against one another. 
“Aaaand, done!” you placed your scissors on the table and Bucky opened his eyes, his smile flashing teeth as he looked around. 
“Perfect as always,” he muttered to himself, he sat back in his chair even though the cut was over. a cheeky smile grew on his face while he fiddled with his finger nails, you just put a hand on your hip and waited. 
“You have to ask,” you could read his mind. 
“Nooo,” he groaned like a child, “please I don’t want to sound bossy!” he turned around to face you, rather than look through the mirror, “oh c’mon, you know what I’m thinking, please?” 
“Please, what?” you walked over to the tub and sat on the edge. 
“Can you maybe, kinda, um, like, wash my hair- it’stotallyokayifyoudon’twantto!” Bucky just giggled when you started to run the water, his blush had calmed before he slipped off his shirt. 
Bucky leaned over the tub and kept his flesh arm under his chin for comfort, the vibranium arm found your leg and gently rubbed the spot to show his thanks. the water touched his scalp and his shoulders dropped, a sigh left his mouth while you used the detachable head to get all his hair wet. 
You started to hum a tune when you saw Bucky try and look up to find you, he had told you sometimes when he can’t see you his brain makes him think you’re giving him a dirty look or you are just really unhappy. If he’d ask you to make him a cup of tea while you made yours or just to grab something of his from the room, he’d always come trailing behind you after a couple seconds, just making sure you’re not mad at him. 
“I know, it’s exhausting,” he sighed when you stopped the water to grab shampoo, “dealing with me being clingy and following you around,” the song you were humming turned into your way of saying you loved him and that you weren’t mad when he couldn't see your face. 
The shampoo hadn’t reached your fingers yet, so you leaned forward to meet Bucky’s eyes on the edge of the tub. “you aren’t clingy, you’re loving. And Buck, I need you to know I actually love doing things for you, getting you apples and cheese when you watch TV or giving back scratch, I love it.” you kissed his forehead, “so don’t apologize, please.” you leaned back and got some suds in your hand. 
Your fingers went deep into his scalp and massaged all around, his hair bunching up and getting under your hands. a few drops of water trickled down his bare back but that didn’t compare to how much was dropping off of his forehead. 
Bucky just let you do your thing, he didn’t always get his haircut every certain amount of months, it was more when he felt like it was too long and awkward. When you could actually braid the ends was his rule of thumb, and he knew exactly when that was because of how often you did it. Bucky liked fighting with his hair back, he felt like he twinned with you and also it was more comfortable. When he needed to rush out a fight in a last minute mission it was pulled back into pony or bun, but when you both knew you had time during or before a mission he always found a spot in front of you, one elastic on his knee while a hair brush sat on another, waiting for a French braid. 
“Close your eyes,” you said softly as you used the water again to wash it all out, “there you go, pretty boy. Good job, I bet that feels really nice, huh?” you scrubbed around, “you deserve it.”
You couldn’t see it but a few tears mixed with the washed out shampoo, you never failed to make him cry with the simplest praise. all at once a towel was thrown around his head, you shook it around
a bit and made sure it was dry enough. You’d learned the hard way that hair dryers weren’t appreciated, way too loud. The towel did the trick and Bucky liked to let it air dry after you told him heat on hair can damage it, he took that and ran with it. 
The wooden hairbrush Bucky had a legitimate attachment to sat on the counter, you grabbed it and started to make work of the knots at the back. You both were still by the tub but Bucky was sitting upright at this point, his eyes trained on you as you brushed back his hair. 
He always noticed the very tip of your tongue stuck out when you did the little things: gardening, cooking, brushing his hair. You always got embarrassed when someone pointed it out because you saw it as a bad habit. Bucky reached up quickly and ‘booped’ the little nub sticking out, you gently smacked his arm.
“None of that,” you playfully whined, your face heating up. 
“But I think it’s adorable, it means you’re focusing and I like it.” Bucky stated with a nod, his hands making their way to your hips, gently squeezing and pulling at them, “get closer,” he mumbled and pulled you forward. 
“Let me get the back,” you said absentmindedly. 
“Let me help,” Bucky had his smirk, he scooted forward and threw his face right between your breasts. 
“Bucky!” you tried to push his shoulders back, he shook his head for multiple reasons. 
“Oh, did you say ‘get closer’?-”
“-No!-” you giggled.
“Alright,” he pulled you tighter but kept his face where it was, you were just wearing a sweater so he didn’t get skin to skin like he probably wanted. You sighed and started to brush Bucky’s hair at the bac., every so often his face would move around, claiming he was getting comfy, he would turn his head a bit and kiss you through the febric, only making you laugh more. 
“Now, that will be three hundred dollars for the salon de moi,” you giggled and pulled away, “maybe three-fiffty after what you just did,” your eyebrow raised before you began to put everything away. 
Bucky went when your back was turned and threw you over his shoulder, he brought you back to the bed, “how about another type of payment?” he asked as he started to lift up your sweater, “and thanks for everything, by the way,” it got over your head. 
“Love you, Bucky.” 
“Love you, now time for me to pay up!”
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wallflowerimagines · 3 years ago
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hello!! could i request the lords reacting to a s/o with chronic back pain? my upper back has been killing me lately and i need some comfort
I'm on it! I'm going to do some general chronic pain Headcannons, with a couple specific things about your back.
(Take care of yourself, hope this helps 💛)
Alcina Dimitrescu
Instantly takes it seriously.
You are her partner, and she needs to make sure that you are healthy, happy and safe. For you to be in this much pain at any time is unacceptable.
Alcina has a very practical approach. She needs for you to detail exactly what your current methods for pain management are. She wants a complete, exhaustive list of everything from comfort television shows to your prescriptions. What does she need to do to make you feel comfortable?
Once you give her the list, there is always a Maid to give you a pain pill at exactly the right time, or following you around with pillows to prop you up into a more comfortable seated position, or dimming the lights if you happen to be in such agony that the brightness is overstimulating.
She also uses her resources and connections to get you in contact with both a specialist, and if need be, try to get you into more experimental therapies. Alcina's long term goal isn't just for you to manage your pain, but hopefully to find the source of the problem and cure it.
She knows it's not the most likely scenario, but when she sees you smile to try and hide your wince, something inside her just shatters. You are precious beyond compare, how dare the world conspire to dim your happiness in this way?
Until the day she finds that elusive cure, however, she's going to treat you like royalty. Unfortunately, as your pain is constant, she cannot always be there to help, but at night? You bet your ass Alcina pampers the shit out of you.
If massages and cold compresses help, she will dutifully take care of you at the end of the night, trying to rub out the most painful spots on your back. If pain medicine is what you need, she measures out the exact doses and feeds it to you. If nothing else works, Alcina is always happy to hold you close and whisper words of comfort into your ear.
Donna Beneviento
She KNEW something was wrong!
Donna has kept an eye on you for a long time even before you two were in a relationship, and she's seen you move like you were in pain. She's aware something is wrong, but unless you tell her, she won't be able to pinpoint the problem on her own.
She trusts you enough to believe you if you tell her that you have it managed, but she can't stop herself from worrying. Are you sure there's nothing she can do for you? Really?
Let her bring you a cup of tea, at the very least! (Or maybe she can induce a hallucination where you're not in as much pain? Just a suggestion!)
Also, Donna does a LOT of research. The last thing she wants to do is hurt you, or somehow make things worse. She will borrow all sorts of books from Alcina and Salvatore just so she has a better understanding of your condition.
Even though she wants you to know she respects your independence, Donna...hovers. A lot. Even if you convince her to leave you alone, you sense that the eyes of the dolls in whatever room you're in follow you around. She's worried about you falling or hurting yourself further. Very creepy, but it clearly comes from a place of concern, so please don't let it bother you.
The dolls will also fetch things for you if they are out of reach. Donna-- and the rest of her family by extension -- hate to see you stretch out and risk hurting your back further. It's rare you ever carry anything heavier than a book around Beneviento Manor.
Donna's more afraid of touching you than she would be normally if you suffer from chronic pain. Still, she wants to be as close to you as possible. If you want proper, full body cuddles you're going to have to ask, otherwise she's just going to keep your hand in a vice grip 24/7.
Salvatore Moreau
I've said this before, but I see Moreau as someone who used to be a practicing doctor. Therefore, it's likely he noticed your pained responses to certain actions even before you mentioned your condition to him.
It's also likely he will wait for you to bring it up to him before he says anything. He doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or weak--you are neither of those things.
In the meantime, you notice that Salvatore will place pillows on your favorite chair without being asked, and he makes sure to brew you calming teas and leaves heating pads out in the open. Just in case you need them!
He deals with chronic back pain himself, so he's also happy to subtly suggest certain things that have helped him out over the years.
When you finally tell him about your condition, he's relieved. Now he doesn't have to be subtle about providing you what you need! His previously small, almost unnoticeable actions become very blatant and in your face.
...You might have to remind him that he's not your doctor every once in a while. You have a game plan, you know what you need, and you also know what you want. Salvatore might need to be sat down and told that you want him to be your partner. You love him, and sometimes you don't want to go over a checklist about your day's pain levels.
Sometimes, you just want to cuddle and watch a movie with your lovely, considerate, fishy boyfriend. 💕
(And really, how could Moreau say no to that?)
Karl Heisenberg
Chronic pain? You look fine though...
At first, he's a little skeptical when you first tell him about your condition. If you're joking around with him, spending time with him, and actually living your life, it can't be that bad, right?
However, the very SECOND he actually sees you coping with your symptoms he he changes his mind.
I've said it before, but Karl hates to see you in pain from something he can't fix for you. It's his least favorite thing, hands down. He can't exactly pummel your body into submission when you're hurting.
Instead, he straight up asks you what the best method to manage it is. If you've got a game plan? Great. You can handle yourself, and he's happy to help when you need it. If you don't? What the fuck we have to get you to a doctor right now--
On your bad days his sarcastic, playful attitude does a 180. He checks in with you constantly. Are you uncomfortable? Should he get you something? Do you need to lay down? He can hover almost as much as Donna does when you aren't feeling well.
If you're confined to the bed for the day, Heisenberg will move his current project into the room you're in. He hopes it's comforting for you to have him there--he's a little stressed because you're not feeling your best, so he's not the most talkative, but you two have been together so long that the tinkering metal sounds are like a white noise machine. It sends you right to sleep 💤
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reidgraygubler · 4 years ago
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just my type (spencer reid/reader)
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Title: just my type 
Request: kinda, not really
Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader
Category: Smut
Content Warning: SEXUAL CONTENT (daddy kink, loss of virginity (reader), praise, fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, after sex cockwarming, groping, heavy petting, tipsy sex, innocence kink, hair pulling, crying during sex (but the VERY end)), dom!Spencer, sub!Reader, Professor!Reid, age gap, aftercare, swearing, drinking, making out in public places, incredibly brief mention of necrophilia, mentions of absent father, ooc!spencer, professor/student, brief mention of drinks being drugged (not actually happening)
Word Count: 8,194 
Summary: Reader sleeps with a man she met at the bar. The next day she finds out that man was her new professor, Spencer Reid...
A/N: this was writing for pom’s discord server fic swap! My partner doesn’t have tumblr, but their wattpad is babyleaf1! I took a few of her favorite tropes and prompts she likes and came up with this! It’s loosely based off the song campus by vampire weekend. Spencer and reader’s ages are undefined, but there is a gap between the two.  thank you all so much for the support! i really do appreciate it. check out my masterlist!
{***}{***}{***}
Going to the bar wasn’t exactly my scene. Sure, it was nice to kick back and have a drink after a long day. I’d rather be at home with a glass of wine and watching a movie. But when a friend I haven’t seen in a long time asks to go to the bar, I’m gonna go to the bar with her. 
My eyes scanned the crowded room, searching for my friend who was no doubt already drinking. The room was filled with drunk people. I didn’t expect so many people to be drinking on a Tuesday night… who am I to judge though? 
When I finally saw my friend, I rushed to her. She was sitting at the bar with a drink already in hand. I wondered how many drinks she had before I arrived.
The moment I appeared by her side, she let out an excited squeal before throwing her arms around my body.
“It’s so nice seeing you!” she squealed into my ears. I laughed as I carefully pushed her off my body, and tried to regain some personal space. “It’s been so long!” 
“Yeah, yeah. Been busy. School and stuff starts this week.” I nervously laughed as I sat down on the stool beside her. She leaned over the bar as she called for the bartender. 
“That’s right! School!” she exclaimed as she looked back at me. I looked away from the bartender and at my friend. “That’ll be fun!” she added, trying to sound excited, but epically failing. 
“I sure hope it’ll be fun…. But it’s hard to say. You know, college,” I chuckled and looked down at the counter. The bartender placed the two drinks on the counter, pushing them towards us. My eyes widened once I saw the brightness of the drink. The brightness of the liquid was unnatural. So of course I was going to drink it. What’s the worst that could happen?
A couple hours had passed and the conversations between us seemed to flow fluidly. I was thanking God that that was the case because I don’t think I could do awkward drinks. I like to think I was concentrating on her and her words pretty well.
And then he happened.
A man walked up to the bar and looked right at the bartender. He held up one finger as he sat down behind my friend. He had an exhausted look in his eyes, which were hidden behind shaggy brown hair. Suddenly my concentration was out the window and I couldn’t take my eyes off the man. My friend definitely noticed too, but thankfully she didn’t comment on it. 
Then he looked over at me, and I was met with honeyed hazel eyes. They were more intoxicating than my drink. A small smile grew on his lips when he realized he captured the attention from someone. 
I just assumed he would have gotten his drink and returned to wherever he was sitting. But I was so wrong. Maybe the bar counter was where he was sitting and he just got here...
“So… What’s your type?” my friend asked, looking over at me with a small smile on her lips. I struggled to look away from the attractive man sitting just behind her. It was a relief when his gaze dropped from mine when my friend asked the question. But a small smirk grew on his lips as he, and my friend, waited for my answer.
“I… I, uh,” I finally looked away from him and down at my drink. The two black stir straws leaned against the glass, and I realized that I should probably stop drinking soon. My face grew really hot, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol I had consumed, or the thought of telling my friend my type in men I’m interested in, or even worse… That the type of guy I’m interested in standing right behind her…
“C’mon, can’t be that bad… Unless you’re like… A necrophiliac,” she laughed as she leaned closer to my body. I moved away from her before looking back at the man behind her. He was looking back at me, an amused smile on his lips. “Well,” she asked, slipping closer to me. I locked eyes on the man before licking my lips lightly.
“Older…” I made sure to be loud enough that I knew he would hear. I watched as he choked on his drink before looking over at me. 
“Ooo! Girl,” my friend exclaimed as she moved closer to me, “How scandalous,” she whispered as she wrapped an arm around me, “How old are we talking?” she looked up at me. Her eyes were glossy, and I knew there was no winning this one. 
“Is this really a conversation we… we should be having?” I asked, my voice shaky as I spoke. She looked at me with wide eyes.
“We talkin’ old enough to be ya daddy… if ya know what I mean,” she mused as she began falling into my body. The man behind her looked over at me, his smile telling me he was clearly listening in to our conversation. And he obviously enjoyed what was happening in front of him. 
“Ye-No!” I cut myself off with a shout, “No! Not at all!” I continued, backing away from her body. I couldn’t tell if I was being serious or not, and something was telling me my friend and the man didn’t believe me either. “Wh-why are you suddenly…” I let my words trail off as my train of thought suddenly vanished.
“Because… You’re young, you’re single… And you’re… you know…” this time it was her words trailing off. I looked at her with wide eyes, my face getting hot again. “A virgin,” she said in a normal tone, even though I think she thought she was whispering. The man behind her choked on his drink again before slowly turning to face me and my friend.
“Will you shut up?” I whispered as I tore my eyes off the man and looked down at my friend. She sat back in her seat as she looked at me with a smile.  
“OH!” she shouted as she looked down at her drink. She slammed the rest of it in one go before standing up, “I have to pee! Stay here! If I’m not back in 10 minutes, assume I went off with that hot guy.” She slipped off her chair before pointing somewhere in the bar. I looked over my shoulder and at a group of guys who were closer to our age than the guy behind her.
“O-okay,” my words stumbled as I carefully pushed her body off mine. I held back my chuckle as she stumbled away from me and towards the bathroom. 
I turned back to the counter, my head dropping so I was looking at my drink. My fingers fiddled with the straws as I waited for my friend to return. The bright blue liquid sitting with ice wasn’t as good as it looked. Which was very unfortunate because I’ve had maybe two of them… Working on my third...
“Your friend… She’s rather excitable,” someone spoke from beside me. The seat my friend was once sitting in was now occupied by the man who sat beside her. I perked up and looked away from my drink. He was hunched over the bar, holding a small glass with an amber liquid. 
I didn’t realize I was staring at him till he cleared his throat and looked back at me. I jumped, looking down at the bar. I didn’t exactly know how to respond to him, words not coming from my mouth properly as I struggled to speak. So, I shrugged and stared at him.
“Y-yeah, yeah she’s like that… Especially when she’s drunk… She doesn’t know how to hold her booze,” I laughed as I lifted my drink to my lips. I searched for the two mixer straws with my mouth, closing my eyes before taking a sip. “Y-you didn’t hear anything she said,” I asked, my words slurring slightly from nervousness, "Did you?" I added as I leaned on the counter. The man looked at me with a raised eyebrow. 
“Uh, erm,” he looked back down at his drink, not directly answering my question. I sighed deeply as I planted my face into my hand, leaning against the bar. 
“She was being really loud,” I laughed as slowly slipped off my stool and into his body, “Oh, sorry.” I looked up at him as I held onto his arm, “I think I should stop drinking,” I laughed as I recollected myself and moved away from the stranger’s body. 
“It’s okay.” The man looked at me, helping me get back on my seat, “I’m going to get you water.” He looked between me and the bartender. 
“Listen, listen, yeah, whatever, like so what, I’m still a virgin… I just have my bar set way too high for men,” I started as I turned to face him, “I should lower that bar and my standards,” I mumbled as I leaned against the counter. The man looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. Why did I think my friend would be embarrassing to me when I can just do it myself?
“Definitely getting you water,” he laughed. After a moment of silence, the bartender placed two glasses of water on the counter in front of me and the stranger. The man looked over at me before pushing the glass closer to me. “Drink it, you’ll feel better,”  
“Is it safe, right? Like…” I let my words trail off, hoping he’d clue into my worries. He looked at me with raised brows, like what I had said was absurd that I would even suggest something like that.
“It’s safe… just water and ice,” he returned, his tone telling me he was mildly offended that I'd think he drugged water. But to be fair, he's a random stranger in the bar, talking to a girl who's had a few drinks.
“Thanks,” I muttered before lifting the glass to my lips. The icy coolness of the water hit my lips and tongue and I already felt a million times better. I couldn’t help but let out a pleased hum. 
“Spencer... by the way,” the man finally introduced himself to me. I swallowed roughly as I looked up at him. My eyebrows knit together as I stared at him, my words tumbling from my mouth as I introduced myself.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, looking around the semi-filled room of drunken adults. 
“After work drinks,” he spoke softly. He didn’t sound too enthused by after work drinks. Part of me wondered why that was… Maybe all his friends ditched him too. 
“Sounds boring,” I laughed as I looked back at him, “My friend wanted to get drinks… But she wanted to catch up and to… Well, just drink,” I sighed as I leaned my entire body against the counter, “As you can see, she ditched me… Like always,” I scoffed before looking over at where my friend actually was. She was standing beside the cute guy, leaning close to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d be gone with him the next time I looked over at her. 
“Maybe it’s your turn to leave her at the bar.” Spencer watched as I lifted the glass of water back to my mouth. I nearly spat water all over the place with his words.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked as I moved my chair closer to him. He seemed content with where I was sitting, and how close I was to him. To be honest, I wished I could be closer to him. 
“Could mean anything you wanted it to mean,” he replied with a shrug. I stared at him for a moment, slowly leaning closer to him, but not getting too close. 
“You’re right.” I smiled as I stared at him. He looked away from his drink and nodded. “Like going home before her to go to bed early.” I laughed. Spencer returned the laughter and shook his head. 
“If that’s what you want it to mean,” he smiled at me. I rolled my eyes and shrugged.
“Nah, I don’t think I wanna go home yet,” I sighed, resting my head on my fist, and my elbow on the bar counter. We both stayed quiet for a moment, letting the silence carry our “conversation”.
“So… Older men…?” Spencer asked after the long silence. He looked down at me with a smug smile. I froze in my seat, my eyes on the glass of, now, ice in front of me. 
“You did hear that conversation,” I lazily laughed as I looked up at him. I couldn’t help but nibble lightly on my lower lip as I looked at him. “Nah…” I looked up at him, feeling a small smile grow on my lips. Spencer looked down at me with a raised eyebrow and a sly smirk. “Maybe… Possibly… Definitely older men…” My head fell back in laughter. Spencer kept his eyes on me and his smile grew more amused than smug. 
Spencer definitely met my standards in men. He seemed to be older than me, I wasn’t exactly willing to question that though. There was a certain… gentlemanly-ness to him that I infinitely enjoyed. He was definitely not like any other guy I’ve talked to. And he 100% wasn’t some 20-something-year-old guy who claims he has all the experience in the world but doesn’t. Spencer seemed very experienced, in what? Well, everything I guess. I could just sense it by the way he talked to me and the way he held himself.
“My last boyfriend was 10 years older than me, and the one before that was 7 years older…” I paused, staring at him. I wondered what he was thinking, and if he was thinking what everyone thinks… ‘This girl has totally got daddy issues.’ “I don’t have daddy issues,” I rolled my eyes as I gravitated closer to his body. I looked up at Spencer, my hand falling to rest on his thigh as I moved closer to him. His body tensed slightly at my touch. I felt a little bad at first, but when I went to move my hand, he stopped me. His hand reaching out to grab my wrist.
“Even if you did, I don’t think that would influence your taste in men.” He looked down at me. It was then did I realize just how close our faces were to each other. 
“That’s good to hear because most people just automatically assume that I have daddy issues,” I murmured as I looked between his lips and eyes, “Although… It’s just a lie… I tell myself that because people always say women with daddy issues are sluts… But I’m not…” I whispered as I slowly moved closer to him.
“I didn’t think that,” Spencer furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, “And I’ve known you for all of 45 minutes,” he laughed as he removed his hand from my wrist.
“Good,” I laughed lightly. “Can I kiss you?” my voice was a murmur as I looked into his eyes. Spencer licked his lips before parting them slightly. He didn’t seem too shocked or taken aback by my proposition. But when he spoke he was a little… nervous.
“If… If that’s what you want,” he whispered as he looked at me. I took a deep breath, my hand resting on his leg shifting a bit as I moved closer to him. Spencer took a shaky breath as I looked up at him.
“Do you want it?” 
“I… I’d be lying if I said no, but I don’t want to take advantage of a woman under the influence,” 
“It’s what I want,” I leaned even closer, not even an inch between us. I could feel his breath through my nose, that’s how close we are. “And I’m not under the influence,” I spoke, losing my confidence with each word. It was also an obvious lie too. We both knew how many drinks I had. “I’ve had two glasses of water and a handful of bar nuts, and it’s been like an hour since my last drink. I’m okay,” I whispered as I leaned totally on him. 
Spencer looked down at me, his face still as his eyes examined my face. He slowly brought a hand up to my face, resting it gently under my chin. I smiled, feeling my face heat up again. When he squinted his eyes, I felt my heart rate spike. 
“Please,” I begged. The bar and world around me simply vanished as I became so involved with Spencer and everything about him. In that moment, I was obsessed with him. “Kiss me,”
Spencer let out a soft breath of air from his lips before pressing them to mine. If the cool water didn’t sober me up, this kiss sure did. But at the same time, it was so intoxicating. Sure I’ve kissed men before, but this time it was… Different. Something else was going to happen tonight, with Spencer. But I couldn’t exactly place what it was that was going to happen.
My free hand lifted from its place beside me and went to his head, my fingers getting tangled in his hair. My other hand stayed put on his thigh, my grip slowly hardening on his leg. I tried to be quiet as a moan came from me, but I obviously failed. Spencer moaned right back into my mouth. I suppose I was happy he didn’t have an issue with our volume. Thank God the music was loud enough to drown us out.
When I pulled away from him, I nearly fell into the bar. Thankfully Spencer looked at me, his hand going to my hip to keep me from crashing into the counter. I looked up at him, taking a deep breath to get my head clear. But it was hard when I went back to him, my arms wrapping around his neck as my lips crashed back into his. 
Spencer’s hands moved quickly over my back, resting on my hips, lower back. Anywhere he could reach, he would touch. He turned more to face me, allowing me to stand between his legs. 
“We… We should stop… Before one of us does something we’ll… We’ll regret,” he whispered softly. Spencer pressed his forehead to mine as he spoke. I took a deep breath, my chest rising and falling quickly. 
“No… No, we shouldn’t.” I looked up at him, my hands getting knotted up in his hair again. Spencer looked at me, a certain softness on his face. “I think… You… You meet my standards, Spencer.” I blinked at him. 
Spencer quickly looked over at the bartender before fumbling for his wallet. I looked at him, watching him pull out more money than needed and shoving it in the bartender’s hands. He looked back at me, wrapping an arm around my waist and guiding me out. I smiled as Spencer dragged me out of the bar. 
For the first time ever, I was leaving the bar before my friend… And I didn’t care about her. 
Spencer looked back at me as we stepped outside and the semi-cool air of the night felt really good against my hot skin. Inside I almost couldn’t breathe, but outside it felt like it just came to me. It was so… refreshing.
I didn’t realize Spencer had called a taxi till he was pulling me to the vehicle. I looked up at him, blinking slowly as he pulled the car door open. Swallowing down the sudden excitement and fear mixture, I slid into the taxi before him.
 I wasn’t scared because I was having sex for the first time. No, I was scared that I was going home with a strange man. Anything could happen, honestly. What if he was a murderer? 
“Where to?” The taxi driver looked up in the rearview mirror at me and Spencer. I was the quickest to talk, giving him my address before Spencer could give his. 
Spencer glanced at me, watching as I nervously played with the hem of my dress. When I glanced at him, I noticed that he was turned to face me more, whereas I was still, facing the seat in front of me.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice low and soft. I moved my head a little too fast as I looked at him. 
“Mm, yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’ve never done something like this before, that’s all,” I whispered, looking at him as I bit my lower lip. Spencer nodded as he looked at me, watching as I shifted closer to him. 
“We don’t… We don’t have to…” Spencer started but stopped when I maneuvered to straddle his legs. He looked up at me as he carefully rested his hands on my hips. I swallowed roughly as I looked down at him. My hands pressed to his chest to hold myself upright, and my head occasionally hitting the roof of the taxi with every bump we went over.
“I know... I know we don’t have to do anything…” My heart slamming in my chest as I stared at him. I moved my hands from his chest to gently cup his face. His cheeks were stubbly, prickling at the palms of my hands as I held his face. With one final deep breath of air, I pressed my lips to his, this time a lot more passionately than before. 
Spencer pressed his lips down my face, and neck while his hands roamed my body. My hands stayed planted on his face, keeping me in place over his body. I was so into him just… touching me that I didn’t even realize his hand had slipped in the front of my dress. His fingers gently stroking the skin on my inner thigh.
My head fell to the side as he pressed his lips down my neck more before going towards my chest. A huff of air came from my lungs as I pushed my hands through his hair. 
“Uh… We’re, uh… at your destination…” The poor taxi driver spoke from his spot in the front. I moved Spencer’s head away from my body and I looked down at him. 
“You… you pay him.” I stared down at him, feeling a certain embarrassment grow in my stomach, and across my face. Spencer quickly fumbled for his wallet before pulling out more money than necessary and tossing it to the driver. After he shoved his wallet back into his pocket, he wrapped his arms around my waist before exiting the taxi. A squeal came from my mouth as he carried me out of the vehicle and towards my complex. 
“Spencer!” I screamed as my arms wrapped around his neck. A dizzying feeling took me over as a hard bulge pressed between my legs. I almost couldn’t hold back a moan.
 He laughed before putting his lips back on my neck, nipping lightly on the sensitive skin. And I couldn’t help but let out a soft moan, almost a whimper. 
“Keys,” Spencer muttered into my neck. I took a deep breath, my chest pressing into his body more. 
“Unlocked,” I gasped as he nipped my neck again. He hummed as he opened the door and entered my home. He put my back down once we were inside, door shut and locked. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall towards my bedroom.
Spencer pushed the door shut and pressed me against it, pressing his lips to mine like I was the last woman on earth. His arms were propped up on either side of my head, blocking me between the door and his body. It’s a good thing I didn’t feel trapped because I otherwise wouldn’t have allowed that to happen.
My breathing picked up when he pressed his hips against me. A pit grew in my stomach, and I couldn’t tell if it was actually anxiety or excitement. I was willing to bet it was both. 
As the anxiety slowly melted away, a new feeling took over. A feeling of want and hunger. It was the type of feeling that could be satisfied by another person, or by my own doing. But, I knew I wanted it from Spencer. I needed it from Spencer. 
“I need to feel something,” I whimpered against his lips as he pinned me against the door, “Please, I need to feel you.” My leg wrapping around his waist to pull him closer to me. I almost couldn’t breathe, my excitement getting the better of me. 
Spencer looked down at me, a hand slowly coming up to my face, resting gently on my cheek. My eyes blinked slowly as he examined my face. I wondered what he was thinking, and if they were good thoughts. I only wondered what he thought because of how he looked at me. His features were soft and gentle like he was a child holding a fluffy, white dandelion. But the way his eyes moved across my face… They were hungry. Unlike his soft facial features, his eyes wanted to destroy everything in sight… 
And I liked it. It should have scared me, right? A man looking at me like he was about to destroy my life… But the way he did it… I liked...
While he kept one hand on my face, his other hand was high on my upper thigh. His thumb carefully moving back and forth on the soft skin. I wonder if he knew how desperate I was beginning to feel. And he only fueled my desperation the further up his hand traveled.  
A sharp gasp fell from my mouth as his hand finally moved against my underwear. His fingers were gentle as they ghosted over me. I wondered if he could feel how aroused I was through my underwear. Probably, it was impossible to hide that…
The way his hands touched me and held me was weird. He was still gentle, but there was a certain hastiness to it that I noticed. Like he was trying to claim something that wasn’t his. 
“Please,” I whimpered as he trailed kisses down my neck. My chest began heaving as he began tracing his finger over my underwear. Okay, now he had to know how desperate I was. Spencer groaned once he pressed his lips back to mine. 
“You’re so wet, Princess,” he whispered as his hand on my face fell to my chin. Another gasp came from me at the pet name. He took the opportunity to pull on my lower lip with his teeth. “I’ve hardly done anything,” he moved his head away from me and smiled, “Hardly touched you at all.” 
I looked up at him, my lower lip pouted out slightly. It was hard to say what his next action was, but I heavily anticipated it. He smiled softly as his thumb pulled down my lower lip. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I yelped when he pushed my underwear to the side, and carefully slipped a finger between my folds. 
Spencer looked down at me with a pleased smile. It was clear to me that he enjoyed my struggle. I placed my hands on his arms to keep myself up. And even though my body was pressed against the door, and I braced myself against him, my knees still wanted to give out.
I’ve never had another person touch me like this before. My previous relationships didn’t last long enough for them to do something like this. And, I’ve never exactly had this feeling before. Well, let me rephrase that, I have felt this feeling before. I’ve never felt this way from another person. I’ve masturbated before, after all I’m lonely, not Catholic. But, the feeling happening because someone else is causing it. 
“Do you like it when I touch you like this?” Spencer whispered as he slowly pressed a finger into me. I looked up at him and nodded as I pressed my lips together. “Use your words,” 
“Yes, it feels so good… s’good, Daddy,” I whimpered as I looked at him. I swear I saw the corner of his lips twitched slightly. Did my title for him do to him what it did to me? It was obvious he liked it. 
Spencer stared at me for a moment before harshly pressing his lips back to mine. It felt as if he was taking the breath right from my lungs with everything he was doing. His hand between my legs moved a little faster, my hips grinding down on him in reaction.
“Say it again,” he murmured against my lips. The way he moved his face caused our noses to squish together. My heart was slamming in my chest and I could hear it in my head. It felt like at any moment it’d break out of me. 
I softly yelped when he carefully inserted a second finger in me. His pace quickened slightly and I couldn’t concentrate on anything.  
A tension grew in the pit of my belly, and slowly grew as the seconds ticked by. I wasn’t sure how long I’d make it till the tension cracked. I wondered if Spencer sensed that too.
 I removed my hands from his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him closer to me. It was so hard to hold back the soft whimpers and moans I was feeling getting trapped in my throat. Although, Spencer seemed to enjoy my struggle.
It became more of a struggle the stronger the tension grew. It was close too. 
“Say it again.”
“I’m s’close, Daddy,” I whined, my head involuntarily falling to my shoulder. Spencer looked down at me before moving to press his lips to my neck. His lips attaching to the base of my throat before sucking gently on the sensitive skin. 
Again my body reacted by trying to get closer to him. The closer I got to him, the faster he went. I could tell that he was trying to bring me closer to the edge, to finish the moment. 
“Let go, it’s okay,” Spencer whispered. I swallowed roughly, my head falling forward onto his shoulder before my body slowly fell into his. It was hard not to stay quiet, my sounds getting louder as I finally finished. 
I stayed against his body, trying to recollect my breathing for a moment. Spencer rested a hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles on my shoulder. And after I had my moment, I stood back up, leaning against the door behind me.
Spencer looked back at me as he pulled his hand out from my underwear. He looked down at his hand, more specifically the two fingers he just had in me. I nearly lost my balance again when he put those exact fingers in his mouth. And it didn’t help at all when he moaned. 
“You did so good, Princess.” He looked at me with a soft smile. Part of me was worried that was all we were going to do. Sure it was nice, but that was that the end of it? 
He cupped my face again before pressing his lips back to mine. His arms were wrapped around my body before he led me towards my bed. But I didn’t realize we were going to my bed till the edge of it hit the back of my knees.
A breath of air was knocked from my lungs the second my back collided with my bed. I looked up at Spencer, watching as he fought to take his jacket off. But when he finally did get it off, he was back over my body, his lips on mine while his hands roamed my body. My fingers quickly unbuttoned his shirt, and his hands were pushing up my dress. His touch was like wildfire across my body, and it felt near impossible to breathe.
“Please, Spencer,” I whimpered as his lips reattached to my neck. My eyes fluttered shut as he gently sucked a spot on the base of my neck. His hands pushed the top of my dress down, making it sit around my hips.
"Tell me what you want, Princess," he spoke against my skin.
"You… I just need you…" 
It was really… strange. I had just met him not more than 2 hours ago… and I couldn't get enough of him. Even though I knew this would be the only time I'd ever see him, I never wanted the moment to end. I needed him more than I needed air, it felt like. I needed the night to last as long as possible.
Spencer looked down at me for a moment before getting off the bed. I had to hold back my laughter as he struggled to take his pants off. And after throwing his shirt to the ground, he was back over me, his body between my legs. My chest tightened, and at the same time, my heart sped. 
I tried not looking further than his neck. But it was so hard. Did I want to see what he looked like before anything happened? Or would it make me want to back out? 
I shouldn’t look...
“Will it hurt?” I brought my eyes to look up at him. I wasn’t exactly scared. I was more worried about it hurting than anything else, I think. I wanted this.
“Maybe for a moment, but not too long,” he whispered as he brushed his thumb over my cheekbone, “If it hurts too much we can stop… But you have to tell me,” he spoke so softly. 
“I can do that,” I whispered, keeping his eyes on him. My arms wrapped around his neck as he pressed a soft, yet passionate kiss to my lips. His hips slowly started to lower towards my sex. That was when my breathing picked up, and my chest heaved slightly.
“It’s okay, you’re doing such a great job,” he whispered against my lips, “I got you.”
A soft wince came from my mouth when he carefully entered me. My fingers knotted in his hair, gently tugging it as he slowly kept going. I struggled to take a deep breath. My head fell back and my lips opened.
“Spencer,” I whined, finally allowing air to enter my lungs, “You’re so big,” I moaned as I pressed my head into my pillow. One of my arms fell from his body and landed on the bedding beside me. My hand gripped the bedding. 
“You’re doing a great job, Princess,” Spencer whispered as he grasped my hand and held it. I looked up at him and nodded lightly. “You’re okay?”
“I’m okay,” I whispered and stared at him. After a moment, he carefully moved his hips, and soon after fell into a steady rhythm. 
“Please… Please don’t stop doing what you’re doing,” I gasped. I slowly ran my hands up his chest to his shoulders before wrapping my arms around his neck. Spencer looked down at me, his eyes half-closed as he stared. “It feels so good,” I whimpered as he started to slowly move his hips. 
My legs tensed for a moment when he bottomed out in me, and I could feel the wind being knocked out of me. Spencer looked down at me as he brought a hand to rest on my cheek.
Spencer grabbed my hand and moved it to rest against my belly. An unfamiliar bump hit my hand through my stomach and caused me to gasp and look up at him. Spencer smiled and nodded lightly.
“Do you feel how deep I am?” he whispered softly.
“You… You’re…” I took a deep breath as I stared at him. He pressed his lips back to mine. His movements hastened and he pulled his hand away from mine, moving it between us and to where our bodies met. A small whimper fell from my mouth, again, as he began rubbing a finger on the already sensitive bundle of nerves. “Daddy,” I whined as his hips quickened for a moment before faltering.
I cried out as an unfamiliar warmth spread throughout my body. Spencer moaned into my ear. My legs were wrapped around him, clinging to him as he rode out our highs together. And, as I came, I couldn’t help but moan out his name.
My chest was heaving as my breathing tried to catch up with the extreme movements I was just doing. I couldn’t move my legs off him. I wasn’t ready for him to leave me just yet.
“Don’t move…” I gasped, looking up at him, “Please, Daddy… stay inside me…” I cried as he began moving away from me. My hands gripped his arms, holding him above me. Spencer looked down at me, his eyes glued to the way I squirmed beneath him. There was such an intense gaze in his eyes as he looked at me, I wasn’t sure what to do. 
He lifted his hands and rested them on my cheeks. The way he held himself over me without actually crushing me was impressive. What was even more impressive was how he carefully pressed his hips back to mine.  
“It’s okay, I got you,” he whispered, brushing the apple of my cheek with his thumb. I stared at him, my chest quickly rising, only to fall just as fast. It felt hard to breathe, my body still feeling full with him. “You did such a good job, Princess,” he pressed his forehead to mine.
I didn’t even realize I was crying till Spencer’s thumb moved across my cheekbone. I looked up at him with wide eyes. 
“Are you okay?” Spencer whispered as he kept his eyes on my face.
“I’m good. I’m okay. I promise.” I wrinkled my nose and nodded. Spencer smiled softly and returned the nod. “I’m-I don’t know why I’m crying,” I laughed lightly before sniffling my nose, “I’m sorry.”
“Sex can be an emotional thing for some people. And since this was your first time, it was an emotional experience. You’re okay. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Spencer reassured. I stared at him and nodded, agreeing with what he said. “I’m going to get you water and a wipe or something.”
“Uhm… Yeah that’s okay… I guess. Bathroom is over there. I should have a cup in there. And there should be paper towels too.” I nodded as I gestured towards the bathroom. Spencer pecked my lips one last time before pulling away from me and leaving the bed.
‘It’s just a one-night stand,’ I kept telling myself just so I wouldn’t forget what this really was. And, in the morning, I’d never see him again.
{***}{***}{***}
My body jerked slightly when I woke up. An arm was wrapped around my middle, and the body that was connected to the arm was close to mine. Her head was resting on my chest, her ear right over my heart. She, and like my surroundings, were unfamiliar. 
“Crap,” I whispered, looking down at the girl and her sleeping form. She hummed as she nuzzled her head more into my chest. I pulled on my lower lips as I carefully pulled her arm off mine. I had to be quick as I slipped out of the bed.
Usually, I wasn’t the type to just sleep with someone and then leave them the next day. To have a one-night stand, if you will. If today wasn’t the sort of day it was, I’d stay with this girl till she woke. But I had to leave to get ready for a new semester at the college. 
I quickly grabbed my shirt and pants, throwing them on my body as I quietly and quickly left her apartment. My feet dragged quietly across the ground as I got closer to the front door. I pulled the door open at just the right time. Or maybe it was a bad time.
A young woman was standing with a carrier filled with coffee cups, her fist was lifted like she was about to knock. Our eyes locked before hers carefully looked down my body, lingering in spots that made me very aware. 
“Holy shit,” she stared at me with wide eyes, “She wasn’t joking when she said she likes older men,” she stated, the shock in her tone was so apparent that it left me in shock. It was her friend from last night.
“I-I’m sorry.” I looked at her with furrowed brows.
“You’re old enough to be her father,” she spoke before pushing past me. I turned as she entered the apartment. “She’s got balls of steel to fuck a guy like you,” she spoke as she set the carrier on the coffee table, “But, I’m happy she did… Hope her first time was good,” she chuckled before winking at me.
“I-I have to go,” I nodded before leaving. I pulled the door shut. I tried not to linger in front of her home for too long. She’d probably be awake soon, and I really didn’t want to stick behind. 
I kept my head low as I ventured on my walk of shame to the closest coffee shop. And then, from the coffee shop, I’d get a taxi to return home… To return to my home.
The second anyone finds out I had a one-night stand, I’m dead. I’m leaving. I could only hope it stayed between me and those two girls. 
{***}{***}{***}
I looked over at my coworker and nodded, only half paying attention to what they were saying. Which, in turn, made me feel bad. This morning is not my morning and there were only so many reasons why.
Then I looked across the grounds, looking at all the new and familiar faces returning for a new semester of classes. My eyes landed on a familiar girl walking beside a friend. She was laughing and smiling at whatever her friend said.
“Fuck,” I muttered as I stared at the girl. Then she looked up and saw me. An embarrassed look grew across her face as her gaze fell from mine. I kept my eyes on the girl across the campus for a moment longer, long enough to notice that the friend she was with had spilled coffee over her shirt.
“I have to go…” I grimaced as I looked at my colleague. They looked back at me before slowly nodded. I kept my head low as I walked back towards the building and towards my lecture hall. 
Thankfully I was the first and only person in the room. Enough time to prepare over everything. To free my mind of… of her and what we had done last night. But oh dear God, it was so hard. 
I thought I had a lot of time on my hands, seeing as the class didn’t start for 5 more minutes. I thought it was bad when I saw her across the campus. Then she entered my lecture hall, clearing her throat to get my attention. 
She introduced herself like I had no idea who I was. As if this was the first time we ever met. Maybe she forgot? But she definitely wasn’t drunk enough to forget. I wouldn’t have taken advantage of someone wasted as Luke or Derek would say. She was lucid, I know that much. Hell, she was able to give the taxi driver her address. 
“Spencer… Reid… Professor Reid is fine... Reid... Doctor Reid. I'll-I’ll answer to pretty much anything,” I rambled, feeling as if I couldn’t stop myself from talking. She looked at me with a knowing smile, and I wondered if she thought ‘Oh, I know you’ll answer to anything… Daddy,’ That’s probably a bad thing to think, right?
“Oh! It’s wonderful meeting you, Professor Reid,” she kept talking as if she didn’t know who I was. 
“Pleasure meeting… Meeting you too,” I paused with a forced smile at her, “Can’t wait to have you in my class.” I stared at her. The way she stared at me confirmed that she was pretending that she didn’t know me. I thanked God or whatever other Deity was out there that she was pretending. I don’t think I would have been able to survive if she acted like we knew each other. 
“Can’t wait to be in your class.” She nodded at me before going to the first seat in the front row. I stared at her for a prolonged moment, noting the way she crossed her legs at her ankle, and looked down at her notes. She held her pen between her thumb and forefinger, the end of it just barely between her lips. I couldn’t stop hating on myself for just leaving her this morning.
 Then I noticed she was staring back at me. She had a smug smile on her lips as she looked at me. It felt as if she was reading my mind as if she knew every thought that had passed my mind from the moment she entered my lecture hall.
‘Shit,’ I thought as the memories of last night forced themselves to the front of my head. All the things I said to her last night stood in the spotlight. The idiot part of me that said the stuff about impregnating her and how she kept calling me daddy stood out loud and clear. I broke this poor girl, and it was too late. And the worst part about it is… I’d do it again if I had the chance.
 My pants tightened and my face grew hot. How the fuck was I supposed to get through the day? Let alone this semester?! That’s the thing I wasn’t supposed to do. 
I was happy when the end of the class came. Everyone stayed in the room for a moment, bantering with each other for a moment before leaving.
I kept my eyes, and head, low as all the students filed out of the room. A few people stayed around to ask me their questions, or give me their comments. It was until the last standing student had exited the room did I realize someone was still at her desk. 
“Is there something-” ‘I can help you with,’
“Why’d you leave this morning?” she asked, standing up from her spot. I looked up and away from the paperwork I was “working” on. Swallowing down my own pride and unnecessary fears, I stood. My fingertips resting on top of my desk. “Woulda made you coffee… Breakfast even…” she whispered with a shrug. 
“Right…”
“You were hoping I was so drunk I forgot who you were, right? That’s what it is?” she asked, her eyebrows knitting together as she spoke. I watched as she stepped around her desk and approached my own. “I thought… I don’t know what it’s like the morning after… But if that’s what it is… Then I don’t want it,” she scoffed as she stared at me. I didn’t mean to hurt her as much as I did. But it was already too late, and the damage was done. 
“That’s not what it’s like. I promise,” I whispered as I looked at her. I wasn’t prepared to make up excuses and lies as to why I just left. But I also don’t think she’d believe my truth either. 
“Then why did you leave,” she ask-No, she begged. Begged me for the truth. 
“I-I, uh, I had to leave because of this. I needed to get ready for this class,” I tapped down on the hard surface of my desk. Her eyes dropped down to the desktop. I could see the range of emotions on her face as she looked at all the papers scattered on my desk. Maybe she would believe me. Again, I don’t think I would have been able to come up with a believable lie.
“You could have woken me up, still… I seriously would have made you coffee,” she muttered before shrugging, again. 
“Next time then,” I swallowed roughly as I stared at her. Her eyes shot up from the desk and landed right on my face. I could tell she was trying to keep her sudden excitement hidden. But I knew she was excited because of the way the corner of her lip twitched up slightly, and the way she shifted her stance, and the way her grip on her books changed, and all the other things I could list off but won’t.
“Next time?” It was obvious she struggled to keep her voice low.  
“I mean, never say never, right?” I asked, shoving my hands in my pockets. She looked at me with a smile as she hugged her books closer to her chest.
“Right… Never say never,” she whispered as she looked back down at the desk, “It was nice meeting you, Professor Reid,” she paused before looking up at me, a smug smile back on her lips, “And, it was nice seeing you again, Spencer,” she winked at me before walking out of my lecture hall. I swallowed roughly, staring at the space she once occupied. 
Fuck.
if you want to be a part of a taglst or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here
taglist: @spencer-reid-in-a-pool​  @thebluetint​ @muffin-cup​ @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​ @spencersmagic​
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storiesforallfandoms · 3 years ago
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inspirational ~ corpse husband
word count: 1589
request?: yes!
“Hi! I was wondering if you could do a corpse husband imagine where the reader has a feeding tube? If you can’t that’s perfectly fine, I just haven’t been able to find one yet.”
description: in which the group plays with a popular streamer that has a feeding tube and corpse tells her how much she inspires him
pairing: corpse x female!reader
warnings: swearing, mentions of chronic pain and cancer, also i only know a little bit about feedings tubes, i tried to do research in order to make myself more familiar but if there’s a lot of inaccuracies or anything i am very sorry i’m gonna try my best
masterlist (one, two)
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Corpse listened to his friends shouting at one another to accuse each other of being sus. As usual, there was no use in trying to get a word in. Corpse spoke so softly that no one would even hear him unless they wanted to hear what he was saying.
“(Y/N)!” Toast suddenly exclaimed. “You’re being very quiet right now.”
“Because my damn tube is mixed up in my headphone wires!” (Y/N) exclaimed, sounding like she was far away from her mic. The group chuckled and continued with their conversation about who they thought the imposter was.
(Y/N) was a known Twitch streamer and YouTuber that rose to popularity when she started a series on her YouTube channel to show her journey through cancer treatments. Long before his own sudden boom in popularity, Corpse had watched all of her videos and became invested in her Twitch streams as well. Being someone who also struggled with chronic illness and pain, Corpse felt a sense of hope watching (Y/N) go through her treatment and still seem to optimistic in life and so productive in her YouTube and Twitch channels.
When Toast messaged the Amigops group to ask if anyone wanted to join his Among Us lobby with (Y/N), Corpse jumped at the chance. He hadn’t had much time to speak with her alone, but he was hoping to be able to tell her how much watching her content lifted him up during his worst times.
The meeting ended with no one being voted and brought them back to the office of the Polus map. Since they were playing with proximity chat, the argument from the meeting immediately continued with Rae and Toast warning everyone to stay away from Sean, who they were susing at the second imposter after already voting out Charlie.
Corpse watched (Y/N)’s pink astronaut run out of the office, silent amongst the chaos. He waited a moment before deciding to follow her, hoping he could meet her somewhere alone so he could talk to her.
He ran into O2 and noticed a pink bean in the boiler room stood by the water wheels. He ran in and stood in the doorway a moment before speaking.
“Hello (Y/N).”
“Ah fuck!” (Y/N) exclaimed. “Corpse! Don’t scare me like that!”
Corpse chuckled. “Sorry, I’ll warn you next time.”
“Are you here to kill me?”
“Maybe.”
“I’m okay with that. I feel like being killed by Corpse Husband in Among Us is like a rite of passage at this point.”
Corpse slowly approached (Y/N) to which she quickly ran away from him to the other water wheel. He laughed again before assuring her, “I’m not an imposter, you can trust me.”
“I don’t think I can, but I will choose to trust,” she told him.
“I actually came looking for you because I wanted to talk to you.”
“What did you want to talk about?”
There were so many things running through Corpse’s mind. He just wanted to blurt out everything he had thought about (Y/N) and her story, to thank her for giving him hope, to tell her what an inspiration she was. But his words caught in his throat and he struggled to get anything out.
Finally, he said, “What’s it like trying to be a streamer with your...with the um...”
“The feeding tube?” (Y/N) finished for him. “You can say it, Corpse. It’s not exactly a secret.”
He sighed, glad that she had a joking tone about it. “Yeah, with the feeding tube.”
“It’s annoying,” (Y/N) admitted. “Like...I’m assuming you’ve seen my streams or my videos but for the sake of anyone watching your stream who hasn’t: I have a nasogastric feeding tube, or an NG-tube, which is a feeding tube that goes in through the nose. As cliché as it is, just picture Hazel Grace from the Fault in our Stars. Additional cliché, I have it because I had cancer and the treatments left me so malnourished that I need a feeding tube even after I’ve gone into remission. So, because it’s tubes that are connected in my nose, I keep getting my headphone wires tangled in my tube or, very rarely, my mic wires, and it’s fucking annoying. It hurts like a bitch when I go to stand up and I yank the wires  by accident or something.”
“Does...does anything else hurt? Because of the cancer or the treatment or anything?”
“Not as much as it used to. I went into remission like nearly a year ago, so I’m doing better. It’s a process, but it’s had an amazing outcome in the end so I wouldn’t change a thing.”
“I find you really inspirational,” Corpse finally blurted.
He felt his face heat up with slight embarrassment as (Y/N) giggled. “You do?”
“Yeah. I followed your series about your recovery and I’ve watched some of your livestreams every now and then. What always stood out to me was when you talked about the negative side effects of your treatment, and eventually having to put the feeding tube in and how you’ve found that effects you, too. Being someone with chronic illness and constant pain, I’ve also had those days where it feels like even getting out of bed is too much work and I don’t feel like I can stream or make a video, but then my anxiety tells me that everyone is going to forget about me if I don’t make some type of content, so it’s just an internal struggle when really I should be resting.”
“Being a content creator and having an illness is tough,” (Y/N) agreed. “It feels like you can’t take a day off. I sometimes regret making that series because on days that I felt absolutely awful, I didn’t want to film or edit anything, but I felt like I had to because so many people were watching. Ironically enough, that became the topic of one of those videos; I just sat in front of my camera looking the worst I think I’ve ever looked on camera and talked about how exhausted I felt just from being alive, but felt like I couldn’t rest because of my channel. That’s when I started taking longer breaks between videos and streaming. Your fans won’t leave you, not the true fans anyways. They’ll always be by your side even if you decide to disappear from the Internet forever.”
Corpse half smiled to himself. “I’ve thought about doing that sometimes.”
“It’ll be easy for you to do that where you’re faceless. No one would bother you even after you left the Internet cause they’d have no idea it was you unless you spoke.”
A brief pause in their conversation caused them to hear Sean yelling as he ran past the room. (Y/N) giggled and walked out of the room. Corpse followed, hoping to continue the conversation somewhere else.
“It means a lot to me that you think that about me, though,” (Y/N) continued as she ran into the storage room. “I find you pretty inspirational too.”
This took Corpse by surprise. He didn’t know how to respond. Sure, he heard that all the time from his fans, and it always meant the world to him to know that people found him to be an inspiration, but it felt different to hear that from someone he had looked up to for so long.
“I wish I could’ve been a faceless creator like you,” she said when Corpse didn’t respond. “One of my biggest regrets is probably showing my face online. Although, it wouldn’t make sense for me not to show my face when I’m making a series about cancer treatment, but people can be mean. Even when someone is struggling with illness or a disease, the Internet doesn’t care. Whatever makes them feel better over someone else feeling like shit.”
“I still get a lot of hateful messages even though I’m faceless, though.”
“You do, but you’re so unbothered by it. Publicly anyways. When I get messages about how sickly I look I get so overwhelmed with sadness and I just wanna delete my channel forever. I can’t even fake not caring because it really does effect me.”
“Stick with me, I’ll teach you my ways. My favorite is trolling the troll.”
(Y/N) chuckled. “I’d like that a lot.”
Corpse watched (Y/N)’s pink bean approach his black one. “I’m glad we had this chat, Corpse. It made me really happy, but now it also makes doing this a lot harder.”
Corpse gasped as a kill animation popped up on the screen and (Y/N)’s astronaut quickly disappeared into the nearby vent. He was stunned into silence for a long time, just watching his ghost floating above his dead body. To make matters worse, (Y/N) had closed the door to storage so no one would find his body unless they had to go in there.
Charlie’s ghost floated through the walls and came to float next to Corpse’s. “Figured out Jack wasn’t the other imposter, huh?”
“Yeah,” Corpse said, laughing. “She really had me fooled. Buttered me up with compliments then killed me.”
“I taught her well,” Charlie comments before floating away again.
Corpse couldn’t help but laugh about the situation. He wasn’t mad, more impressed than anything. And he was a little happy; he got to talk to someone that had always been an inspiration to him and he made a new friend.
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titanicsimp · 4 years ago
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FANFICTION SEX ≠ REAL SEX
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You probably read that title and were like yeah duh, obviously it’s not real, but it’s important that everyone realizes that smut is absolutely not how sex goes.
Below I’ll be laying out some differences.
Consent
Consenting to having sex with someone, is not consenting to kinks unless disclosed beforehand. In smut we just jump right into the kinky sex, no words exchanged beforehand on what’s a no no and what’s a yes, but in real life it’s extremely important to talk to your partner about it.
What not to do: Jump right into a scene while your partner had no clue that you were going to involve these kinks
What to do: Discuss the in and outs of what you are planning with your partner before you start any kind of foreplay. What kinks will be involved? What are your limits, what are theirs? Does there need to be a safe word? Do they have experience with the kinks, and if not, are they aware of how to perform them safely? Are they comfortable performing certain actions and having certain actions performed on them?
Choking
Who doesn’t know it these days. Choking is everywhere, including in fics. You might see us writers describing it as cutting off air, but never do that! For one, that is breathplay, a whole other kink, but it can also be extremely dangerous.
1. You need to have a clear mind while choking someone. Don’t be exhausted, don’t be angry, don’t be under the influence of alcohol or any kind of drug.
2. DONT PRESS DOWN ONTO THEIR ESOPHAGUS. Gently press down on either side of it, your hand in a V and only the fingertips making contact.
3. Start with only very light pressure and only increase it if you’re partner responds well.
4. Your partner should be able to answer you if you speak. If they can’t, stop what you’re doing immediately. Never choke someone so hard they cannot express words vocally.
5. Don’t continuously choke them, release pressure regularly and if they start being short of breath, gasping for air or coughing, seize what you are doing immediately.
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Unsafe sex
Who has the time or need for protection in fanfics? Creampies are hot after all, but in real life they can give you a nice present in nine months and even diseases.
Always use a condom when you are engaging in sex with a partner who’s sexual history is unknown, or if you do know but aren’t on birth control yourself. Hormonal birth control pills are good against unwanted pregnancies, but they do nothing for STI’s.
And if you are in a steady relationship and on birth control but want to be extra safe? Use those condoms, it’s perfectly normal to continue use in those situations as well.
Anal
Don’t want babies? Do anal! Just kidding, anal isn’t the easy peasy alternative it seems to be in smut.
If you jump right into anal, it will hurt extremely and you can get injured! Lube doesn’t magically make you ready to take a dicking there either, you’ll first need to practice with much smaller things. You can slowly start with fingers (one at a time people), but toys are a very good way to do it and there are anal kits for beginners.
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Lube is very important. Not just cum, not just girl juices, actual bottled lube. Water based lube is good for everything, including silicone toys. Meanwhile silicone based lube is generally softer/slicker and hypoallergenic, but damages silicone toys. NEVER use oil based lube in combination with condoms (and oil based lube increases chances of infection).
Anal can be messy. You can clean very well and even do anal douching (which isn’t needed, can increase infections and you have to be careful so do it only if you absolutely want it), and most of the ~mess~ will be gone. However, when an object is penetrating you there, accidents can happen. Putting a towel down and having wipes near is definitely recommended.
Wear or have your partner wear a condom during anal as well because you can still get STI’s from it!
Bondage
Time to get the rope bunnies hopping. With bondage you always risk a few bruises, but what are the biggest things you should keep in mind with specifically rope bondage?
1. Never put rope around your partner’s neck. No just absolutely no.
2. Make sure the ropes aren’t around your partner too tight, this counts for any spot it’s around. It can cut off the blood circulation or cause nerve damage and that’s very bad. Ask your partner if they are good and if they have a bit of wiggle space, and continue checking in during the scene. A finger should be able to slip in between the ropes.
3. Be careful with your partner. If they fall while they are tied up, they can’t catch themselves and get greatly injured.
4. Be wary of allergies! Some ropes are infused with scents or other chemicals that might cause an allergic reaction.
5. Never leave the person you tied up alone, keep your eye on them. They can have a medical emergency, get injured or just get scared.
6. Keep a tool nearby with which you can easily, safely and quickly cut the rope with. EMT shears are a good tool and relatively inexpensive. EMT shears have a flat, blunt, tipped lower blade which allows you to slide them along skin without accidentally cutting your partner. You can also get really high powered ones such as Raptor EMT shears that will cut through any kind of rope or fabric extremely quickly.
Stranger danger
Please my lovelies, don’t start a kink scene with a stranger. Kinks most often put you in a vulnerable position, so doing it with a stranger is not advised at all. I’m sure I don’t need to explain how bad it can go when a stranger is choking you or has you restraint.
Do it with a partner you trust and know. If you can’t or don’t want to, find a legal, good reviewed sex club/dungeon. The good ones have strict rules and keep an eye on all the members inside.
Everyone is a kink master
There are so many kinks out there that fit with so many different folks, fanfic represents only a small portion of them. In smut, almost everyone has a dirty kink that they like, but in real life it could easily be that you or your partner prefer ‘vanilla sex’. Not everyone needs to have or like kinks, it is completely up to you and no matter where you land with it it’s completely normal. Nobody is boring because of their preferences.
General awkwardness
Last but certainly not least. No sex goes completely smoothly and like a porn in real life. You or your partner might queef. You might get a cramp. You might bump into each other. You might gag. You might make a weird sound. It’s all part of the real experience, and most of the time only causes funny or intimate moments with your partner.
This is faaaar from all, but I hope this helps at least a bit. Writers sell a fantasy, an unattainable one that should not be chased. Enjoy your real sex like it’s meant to be; safe and silly yet hot. Leave the crazy scenarios to the fanfics ♥️
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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years ago
Note
What would happen if you were sent back and ended up in the orphanage with Tom Riddle—and say you also had magic?
Oh boy.
Well, there's a lot to question here. Judging by the... spirit of this ask, I presume I'm... pretty much reincarnated. I'm in the orphanage, I'm much younger than I am now and a child, I'm pre-Hogwarts age, and I retain my current knowledge.
For the purpose of this ask I suppose I also retain my current mental faculties. Despite being in the body of an eight-year-old, I'm not The Carnivorous Muffin at eight.
Welp, there's a lot to consider here.
First, I probably don't realize I'm in Harry Potter for quite some time and instead assume I've been reincarnated to some parallel universe. It's the 1930's, I'm in England in the depression, WWI has occurred and the vast majority of major historical events I know about seem to have happened in the right order, and this Earth is eerily similar to the Earth I left behind.
Strange that I appear to remember everything of my past life with my adult mental abilities, but alright universe, I guess that's how we're going to play this.
What I do know is that I'm dirt poor, presumably still a woman which does not bode well for my career prospects, and if I want any prospects in life period I'm going to have to fight tooth and nail for it. It'd be great if I got adopted to help with this, and might be nice to have people in my life who love me, but there's a lot of orphans in the world and a lot of orphans who are much less weird than I am.
The orphanage is the orphanage and not great, Mrs. Cole is overworked, the orphanage is chronically understaffed, and the kids are running wild beating the shit out of each other.
Being a girl, I probably don't have to worry about getting the shit kicked out of me quite as much, but I still probably try to keep my head down and don't aggravate the particularly beefy looking orphans.
Yes, there's some very angry gremlin named Tom Riddle around who will shove you down the stairs in retribution, but that's just a weird coincidence. And then supernatural shit starts happening. Billy's rabbit hangs itself, people get injuries when Tom is nowhere near them, and I start wondering if this is really the Tom Riddle.
I'm in Wool's Orphanage, my matron is Mrs. Cole, Tom Riddle is running around lighting things on fire. It's possible, though it could all be a strange coincidence.
Now, how things go from here depends on how controlled my own magic is. Since accidental magic typically does manifest at least once or twice, it probably does manifest for me for.. something. If Tom Riddle's there to witness it then...
Well, I imagine he's very offended. Here he was, special, different, better than everyone else, and then some girl in the orphanage (who dares to get very good grades on her assignments in school) has it too.
And I just stand there, smiling, going "Tee hee".
He probably confronts me to prove that he's better at it than I am, and he probably is unless the universe hates both him and me, but having someone else with the Shining around probably prompts him to take me as his protégé (in part so he can show off and in part because he's genuinely excited to be able to share this super cool talent).
I am now apprentice to eight-year-old Tom Riddle. Whoop de doo.
Well, I don't remember this part of Harry Potter, so now I'm probably confused as to where I am again. Regardless, I try to advise Tom on how to tone it down and not, say, traumatize Amy and Dennis for life and antagonize all the other orphans forever. He probably doesn't take me seriously. What do I know, I can't even light that patch of grass on fire?
Hanging around Tom Riddle gets me a reputation to, given the difference in genders, probably a fairly nasty one at that. When Dumbledore arrives he's undoubtedly told hot gossip about how eleven-year-old Tom and I have had sex in a ritual to summon Satan. Dumbledore takes this seriously.
Dumbledore probably meets us both at the same time and it's a disaster. I tried my best to prep Tom without revealing I'm a prophet, Tom first doesn't believe there might not be others, then doesn't believe they would be antagonist/anything but amazed by how awesome he is.
Well, Dumbledore lights his wardrobe on fire while I sit there. Dying inside. Dumbledore probably also does something to me too, to teach me some kind of lesson about something.
I imagine he temporarily disfigures me/makes me appear very ugly, then sticks a mirror to the wall, that way I realize that looks aren’t everything/being a whore is wrong. Tom, still traumatized over the wardrobe, is no help and my magic’s probably not controlled enough to do a thing about it.
I spend a day looking like a pig, Tom and I are given just enough money to buy new wands and second hand/barely functioning everything else and given the world’s worst directions to Diagon Alley. Thanks, Albus.
Well, months pass, we get our wands, Tom gets excited for Hogwarts and I... start seriously considering the future. WWII is coming, the Blitz is coming, Tom and I live in east London and must be able to evacuate during the bombing of London (which went on well past the Blitz to the end of the war). I also start considering my future in the wizarding world. Do I now actually have career prospects?
Probably not because I’m muggle born and a woman. My best bet is doing very well in useful subjects and finding employment with the goblins, I can’t imagine they have the same hang ups as the wizarding world.
Tom wants to go to Slytherin, of course, I tell him this is a bad idea. “Gee Tom,” I say, “Not sure how I know this but I have this feeling that Slytherin is filled with people who loathe our very existence and will shank us. Why don’t we pick Ravenclaw or Gryffindor instead?”
No one shanks Tom Riddle! Tom says. Tom is still eleven and while he admits that sometimes I may, in retrospect, have been right about certain things that doesn’t mean he wants to go to the house known for hard work. That’s code word for everyone there being a moron and having no other redeeming features than tenacity. As for the other two, Ravenclaws sound like smug, elitist, nerds and Gryffindors like dumb jocks.
Better to be known for ambition, cunning, and actually being competent.
Well, there’s no talking him out of this one, and goddamn it we’re all each other has.
I’m the closest thing Tom Riddle has ever had to a friend in all these years and in the orphanage the only one who could hold a decent conversation with him. And while it’s not my moral obligation to keep Tom from becoming a domestic terrorist, and there’s no guarantee I even can, dumping him for one of the other houses and drifting apart won’t help.
Not to mention that, after all these years, I’m undoubtedly lonely, I’m in this foreign land, and he’s now the closest thing to a friend I have.
Looks like I’m going to Slytherin, YOOOOOLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO! I shout as a battle cry as tears run down my face. I may have to convince the hat to put me in Slytherin, but like all human beings I am a mixture of many qualities. I’m not cunning in the least, mind games exhaust me unutterably, but I’m full of ambition. 
This confirms every bad opinion Dumbledore had regarding me and Tom.
For the next several months, Tom probably beats the shit out of dormmates who steal his things/harass him. He beats up mine too because feminism (TM) means that he should treat all people equally when guilty of the same crime. I... am not sure I can win that fight so I just resign myself to having to adopt some of Tom’s tactics to make sure I’m not shoved in lockers, have tampons thrown at me, or pig’s blood dumped on me at the prom.
Once again, everyone thinks Tom Riddle and I are dating. I don’t even know if they’re wrong at this point.
Well, being in class with eleven year olds who seem to have had little to no prior education, Tom and I are undoubtedly blazing through class. I imagine I’m bored out of my mind (the Hogwarts curriculum sounds unbelievably boring) and Tom is... well, probably devouring the library but probably also bored. I decide to try and see if I can find some real history texts on this world (there are probably none, the wizarding world seems to only have two historians and both... have a different approach to history than current modern thought as I know it) and discover what magic even is. That shit is fascinating: wingardium leviosa is not.
Dumbledore likely gives neither me nor Tom points in class, I think the house cup is stupid, so I really don’t care. I have no interest in playing quidditch, neither does Tom, so that doesn’t happen.
The second world war starts up, Tom, me, and the muggle borns are the only ones who give a flying fuck. I work harder on figuring out how to get lodging during the Blitz/the bombing of London. Unfortunately, Mrs. Cole hates me too for being the Bride of Satan, so that’s a no go. Third year, 1939, I probably write her in earnest anyway telling her to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, send Tom and I instructions for the summer/where the orphans are staying/how they’ve been dispersed to the countryside. As a back up plan, I try desperately to shmooze shopkeepers in Hogsmeade during every Hogsmeade weekend to get myself and Tom part time jobs and lodging over the summer. As a back up back up plan, I spend my time badgering Tom to become very good at survivalist wandless magic and if the Lord has pity on me gain some ability in it myself.
Hopefully, either Mrs. Cole or one of the Hogsmeade shop owners take pity on us. If not, then Tom and I are going extreme camping. Given Mrs. Cole (and the brain damage brought on by Dumbledore erasing memories left and right) and the likelihood of Hogsmeade shop owners just not getting it, Tom and I probably go extreme camping.
(Tom, meanwhile, asks Dippet and Dumbledore if we can stay in Hogwarts over the summer. He’s told no exceptions. London’s being bombed, you say? No exceptions. Toodles. Tom is never the same.)
Me, Tom Riddle, a tent we made ourselves, several rabbits we had to catch and skin ourselves, and the pitiful fire that we can keep going through pure will alone because if we try to use real people spells then we’ll get arrested. It has the benefit of making Tom feel very manly and impressive, catching his own food, but both of us are well aware that this sucks.
But hey, we aren’t dead.
Well, I’m sure Tom doesn’t appreciate that and this is where I imagine he seriously starts talking about violent revolution. I imagine much of my time is spent discussing the merits of not violently overthrowing our ant overlords. I imagine a thirteen-year-old Tom isn’t impressed by my pacifism, but he’s not married to Voldemort yet (probably).
Then I imagine the horcrux thing comes up and... Well, I will argue hard against it. Humans die, it is a truth of the universe, and simply something we have to accept. Horcruxes are not a measure against that, they can be destroyed, given infinite time they will be, and the sacrifice they require is too high: human life as well as the very essence of who you are.
What is a soul? I’m not sure, we never really learn in HP canon, but whatever it is, it is in some way the essence of yourself. If you take half of it and throw it somewhere else, you will cease to be you, someone or something else is walking around in your body while the other half of you exists in endless agony.
If you must chase immortality, create a philosopher’s stone (as I darkly wonder why it was that couldn’t be replicated and what Flamel had to do to make it in the first place). On second thought, maybe we should search for the Holy Grail.
Whether I can talk Tom out of this or not is... unclear. I’m going to say that I can, in part because I imagine he’ll want to show the chamber off to me, tell me when he realizes he’s Heir of Slytherin, and in doing so I can prevent the basilisk incident from occurring. Without that, there’s no dead Myrtle, which means no first victim. That summer, when he goes to the Gaunts, I’ll go with him and convince him that it’s not worth it. He can just turn around and leave these people alone, I hopefully can talk him down. Which means no second victim.
I start writing Flamel to see if Tom or I can get an apprenticeship (Dumbledore probably beats us to the chase and poisons him against us, but it’s worth a shot).
Then, should all go well, I can convince Tom to find employment with the goblins rather than shady antique dealers on the bad side of town. Hopefully, I can convince him to never become Voldemort, and instead we travel the world together looking for the origins of magic or something.
Dumbledore goes around taking people’s memories of us in preparation for when Tom becomes a dark lord and I his lady of the night darkness.
TL;DR Apparently my life would become an SI/Tom Riddle fic. So, thanks anon.
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makeste · 4 years ago
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some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 306
mostly Deku angst, but also a little Baku angst (and some TodoBaku angst) mixed in for good measure. because there’s plenty of angst to go around.
1. “if I’d only been stronger...”
I’ll talk more about Deku later in this post as well, because there’s definitely plenty to talk about; this is the most character development he’s gotten in almost 200 chapters. but for starters, I want to discuss the possible parallels between Deku’s current character arc, and what is arguably the most iconic moment of angst/character development in the series.
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remember how this kid, who up until this point had rarely seemed to give two fucks about the world around him, suddenly revealed that he blamed himself for being the downfall of All Might? remember how it came almost out of nowhere? how he’d been hiding it, and trying to suppress it? “but even if I try to forget... sometimes it all just comes rushing back.”
yeah. so anyway, I got to thinking -- if being the cause of one hero’s downfall could affect someone this badly, what about being responsible for the downfall of all heroes?
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what if a boy who wanted nothing more than to keep people safe suddenly found himself at the epicenter of a disaster that killed hundreds, possibly even thousands of people?
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now obviously, this is not the sole thing that’s troubling Deku right now; this kid has a whole array of traumas as of the War arc. like, you know it’s bad when Society As We Know It Coming To An End Partially Because Of You is the least of your problems. but still, I think this is worth bringing up, because the hero kids blaming themselves for things that aren’t their fault is hardly anything new. and yet, what with everything else that’s been going on -- all of the Todoroki drama, and Vestige revelations, and hospital antics, and political strife -- I feel like it’s easy to forget or overlook this little detail.
the fact is that AFO put this entire plan into motion solely in the hopes of finally obtaining OFA. every single thing that happened at Jakku -- Tomura powering up; Machia waking up and going on his rampage (after being ordered to do so by Tomura); and even Dabi/Touya choosing this moment to finally strike (because he knew this was when the reveal would do the maximum damage -- when people’s faith in heroes was already wavering) -- every last bit of it can ultimately be traced back to AFO’s desire to steal OFA. which, obviously, makes it AFO’s fault, not Deku’s. but then, Kamino wasn’t actually Katsuki’s fault either. it wasn’t his fault the villains went after him (but he blamed himself anyway), and it wasn’t his fault that people got hurt in the ensuing battle to save him (but he blamed himself anyway).
just. I think we’re underestimating just how strong of an impact all of this likely had on Deku. we haven’t really had the chance to see him process it yet. he’s been too busy, and there have been too many other things going on. but I’m telling you guys, that empty look in his eyes in the final page of the chapter? I can all but guarantee you that at least some of that emotional weight is coming from this.
sure would be nice if he had a friend who knew exactly what that was like, and could help him process the guilt and all of the other associated emotions, just like Deku once helped him. unfortunately I’m not so sure things will be that easy this time around. anyways though let’s move on to a couple of other thoughts and speculations.
2. “...and I bullied him.”
one of my least-favorite BnHA fanfic tropes is the one where the rest of class 1-A somehow finds out about Katsuki and Deku’s history -- i.e. that Katsuki bullied Deku throughout most of their childhood. mind you, it’s not the concept itself that I dislike; it’s mostly how it’s used. a lot of times it’s just an excuse to have all of the other kids turn on Katsuki and ostracize him; either because the author thinks that’s what he deserves, or else so that Deku can eventually come to his rescue and defend him and shame the rest of the class for not seeing how much he’s changed. either way, it’s usually pretty awkward to read, and more often than not the characters are pretty OOC (especially Ochako and Todoroki).
however! there’s a big difference between fanfic and canon, and just because I’m not a fan of this trope in the former doesn’t mean it couldn’t be executed well in the latter. and lately I’ve been thinking about this a lot. mainly for three reasons:
the recent (can we still call it recent?? well whatever) scene where Katsuki confessed to All Might that he used to bully Deku is now one of my favorite scenes in the entire series, and proof that this can be executed well.
both Todoroki and Deku have finally had their respective big secrets revealed to the rest of the class. so like, idk. feels like it just might be secret-revealing season now, you know?
and lastly, as a result of Deku’s secret about OFA finally being revealed, the rest of 1-A now either knows, or can extrapolate, that he used to be quirkless.
and from there, I feel like it’s not all that hard to put two and two together with how terrible Kacchan and Deku’s relationship was when they first started at UA. that’s not a terribly difficult puzzle to solve. so I feel like it might come out anyway, and if so, I’d prefer Bakugou telling them himself, and taking responsibility as part of his atonement process. because we know that he regrets it. we know their relationship has changed. we know that he has changed. and so I think I might like to see this.
alternately, if confessing to the entire class is too much, at the very least I could see him confessing to Shouto, because I’ve always felt like this was one of the big things that made Katsuki so resistant to letting Todoroki call him a friend. because I feel like there’s a part of Katsuki that saw the parallels between Endeavor’s abuse of Shouto and his own bullying of Deku, and thought, he wouldn’t be so quick to call me his friend if he actually knew the truth. and so there’s actually been this roadblock wedged between them this whole time that Shouto doesn’t even know about. because Shouto hates Endeavor. and so it’s not such a leap to assume he’d hate Katsuki too if he knew just how terrible he’d been to Deku when they were younger.
not that I think he actually would! actually I don’t think either of those things is actually true (because Shouto clearly doesn’t hate his father either, in spite of everything that’s happened). but the point isn’t what I think -- the point is what Katsuki thinks. and I really do think there’s a good chance he’s worried about Shouto hating him, and it’s one of the things that’s made him so reluctant to accept his friendship. anyway, so I’m really just rambling now, but you get my point. I don’t know if this is actually going to happen, but it’s a scene I would like to see if Horikoshi decides to indulge me.
3. “...so when you wake up, please give him my best.”
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and now, as promised, back to Deku.
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ngl guys, when I first saw this image, my immediate thought was that Gran must have died. because I mean, hello, leaving U.A.?? donning himself in his teacher’s old cape?? empty, exhausted look in his eyes?? what else were we supposed to think lol.
but maybe that was an overreaction. because when I think about it more, Gran’s death isn’t strictly necessary in order to push Deku over the edge. first of all, there’s already the whole “hero society is in ruins now because of you” thing I mentioned earlier. but also, there are just so many other things. like, let’s just list them here because omg. what a rough couple of days this kid had.
he was forced to battle TomurAFO and was terribly injured in the process (most of which was his own fault, but he wouldn’t have gone that far with OFA unless he felt like he had no choice)
and it wasn’t just him that was injured, either. in fact, even though he tried to act as bait to keep everyone else safe, he wasn’t able to stop three of the people closest to him from nearly being killed right before his eyes
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and of course that last one was especially traumatic, because it was Kacchan, and because he had to watch Kacchan nearly die just to protect him. out of all the things that Deku witnessed in this arc, this might be the one that had the biggest impact on him
he was also basically helpless to do anything to protect Shouto and Endeavor when Dabi showed up. so again, we have this running theme of people he cares about being hurt and him not being able to save them
and he also got sucked into the OFA Interstellar Dream Vortex for a brief spell during the battle, during which he learned that AFO had possessed Tomura. more importantly, he learned that Tomura was Nana’s grandson, a fact which was only briefly touched on during that scene, but which I think wound up being the trigger to the whole avalanche that ended with Deku leaving UA. but more on that in a moment
anyway so just to wrap this all up, the battle eventually ended, Tomura got away despite all of their efforts, and then Deku wound up comatose in the hospital for two days. which brings us to the most recent chapters, during which
Deku learns that he will be the last wielder of OFA, whether he likes or not
Deku learns the identity of the last two mystery OFA users
and then at some point, he wakes up and presumably talks to Gran, and winds up with his cape
something happened during these last two scenes which helped to push Deku over the edge. I won’t delve into the matter of the Second or Third users for now, although most of you already know my suspicions regarding that, and I do think that would fit into the general pattern here (that is, the pattern of Deku feeling more and more strongly that he is putting the people around him in danger, and his fear of losing them becoming so overwhelming that it eventually pushes him to leave).
but that’s not what I want to talk about for now. what I want to talk about is Gran. specifically, what it is that Deku discussed with Gran. and this is where we come back to that reveal I mentioned earlier -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandchild.
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basically, what I think happened is that Deku mentioned seeing Nana in the OFA Zany Psychedelic Spirit Void, which led to the topic of Tomura, and the fun fact Deku recently learned about him being related to Nana. this, in turn leads to Gran divulging his various regrets about everything that happened with him and Nana and Kotarou. his intent is to apologize to Deku for placing the burden of their failures on him. unfortunately, the part that Deku actually gets fixated on instead is this:
All for One hunted down and killed Nana’s son (and probably her husband as well), and stole her grandchild and psychologically tortured him into becoming a mass murderer, for no other reason than that Nana had once held OFA
in other words, AFO can and will hurt and kill anyone Deku is close to, anyone who has any kind of connection to him at all, without mercy, and regardless of whether it actually gives him any kind of tactical advantage or not. he’ll do it simply to hurt him. no other reason necessary.
I don’t know about you, but for me that would be a terrifying realization. and for Deku, I think it just might have been the tipping point.
so, let’s recap.
Deku learns that AFO is after him
AFO/Tomura very nearly kills several of Deku’s most important people, including Kacchan
and then he learns that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and realizes that all of their lives are still in danger and will continue to be as long as Deku is AFO’s target
and then add to all of this the misplaced guilt about society already being shambles, and the heroes already having more than enough to worry about. they’re barely holding things together as it is. and we already know how Deku feels about being a burden to them:
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and so instead, he leaves. of course he does. in hindsight, I think this was inevitable.
the question is, did anyone else also put the pieces together in time to realize what Deku was planning before he actually left? specifically, did Katsuki, who understands Deku’s self-sacrificial nature better than anyone else, see the signs and put two and two together? like he did back at Jakku?
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and if he did, would Deku have been willing to accept his help again?
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somehow, I can’t help but think it might not be that easy this time.
anyway, so that was a lot of rambling, lol. sorry about that. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS about all of this angsty shit. tired nomad Deku needs hugs and comfort and someone to reassure him that he doesn’t have to face this alone, and that everything is going to be all right. HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY. this is too much, and I cannot handle any of these feels, and oh my god, somebody please help him.
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angryinternetduck · 3 years ago
Text
Bet On It
HELLO i’m back again with not only another fic but another friends to lovers!!! here’s 5.9k on hotel mishaps, long-term bets, and falling in love. featuring harry styles x reader with just a few warnings of explicit language and alcohol consumption.
enjoy!!!
masterlist | ask
***
Five Years Ago
If you hadn’t met him an hour before in the bar of the hotel, you would’ve said no. Share a hotel room with a stranger just because the hotel fucked up and double booked a room? No. Absolutely not.
Except -
His name was Harry. He was very cute. And sweet. He complimented your shoes in the bar, dimpling at you all cutely before holding out his hand and introducing himself. He let you prattle on for way too long, laughing at all your jokes and nodding gravely when you started getting serious.
And surprisingly, when you said you had to go, he didn’t ask you out or try to kiss you. He just told you it was nice to meet you with a smile. Problem was that that wasn’t the last you saw of him; when you went up to the desk to get your key card, the receptionist informed you of the mistake.
“We’ve double booked it. You’ll have to work it out amongst yourselves,” they said. “We can suggest other places to stay, or you can sleep in the lobby. Or - of course, you can always share. He’s over there. Guy in the pink shirt.”
You looked over, and lo and behold…
“Harry.”
“We meet again.”
“Was this your doing?” you joked. “All that to get me in a room with you?”
Harry grinned. “I wish I were that smart.”
“So just coincidence?”
“Or perhaps fate,” Harry replied with a shrug.
“Did you know?” you asked. “When you, uh - introduced yourself?”
He shook his head and said, “Not that it was you.”
“Well, now that you do, what do you say? Share the room?”
Harry tilted his head from side to side, pondering. “Let’s prove it was fate,” he decided, meeting your gaze with a grin. Your brows furrowed, and he clarified. “Rock, paper, scissors. I win, we’ll share. You win, I’ll find somewhere else to stay.” He held out his fist.
“Won’t make me find somewhere else?” you asked, smiling a bit. “Would rather share?”
He shrugged.
“Alright, then.”
Both of you counted silently, in your heads -
Rock, paper, scissors…
Harry grinned, and you made a fist from your scissors to bump his rock.
“Fate it is,” you said.
Fate proved to be in your favor; that night, you had the most fun you’d ever had in your life. To your surprise, however, the fun didn’t involve sex. Just talking. You sat on the bed drinking booze from the minifridge and talking until dawn with this Harry Styles.
It came up at one point, sex - or at least kissing did - but neither ever happened.
It was around three, when the exhaustion had set in, when you were lying down, gazing into each other’s eyes, half asleep. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” he’d whispered, and you grinned at him. “I should be asking you that, don’t you think?”
He looked confused. “Why’s that?”
“You’re the one in love with me,” you told him.
He giggled, rubbing his eyes. “And what makes you say that?”
“You wanted to share!” you exclaimed, like it was obvious, because it was.
“Sharing is caring.”
You bounced your brows. “Caring. Loving.”
Harry laughed and insisted, “Not the same!”
“I’d bet a million bucks you’re in love with me,” you murmured, tapping his nose.
“Then a million bucks you’d lose.”
“You will be,” you said, nodding slightly.
“Yeah?” Harry asked, a smile growing on his lips.
“Yeah.”
“Do you have a million bucks to give me on my deathbed when I still only care?” he said.
“Do you have a million bucks to give me when you confess?” you said back.
He stared at you for a second. His eyes were very green, his smile very wistful. “A kiss.”
“A kiss?” you echoed.
Harry nodded. “I will bet you one kiss that I will never fall in love with you.”
“You’re gonna want a lot more than one kiss when you inevitably do,” you whispered.
“At least one kiss,” he amended.
“At least one kiss,” you agreed.
“Shake on it?”
You both shifted around in the bed so you could shake hands without sitting up.
“It’s a bet,” Harry said.
And so it was.
***
Present Day
“Give it to me straight, Styles,” you greet Harry, plopping down at your table with a sigh.
He hesitates for a moment, drawing out the suspense, and then breathes, “Care.”
You shake your head disappointedly. “Unbelievable, how bad you are at lying, you -”
Harry interrupts, “What’s really unbelievable is your tardiness -”
Then you do: “Your annoyingness -”
He pouts and fires back, “Your vocabulary -”
“Your lack thereof -”
“That’s not proper English.”
You stick your tongue out at him. “You’re not proper English.”
“I promise you I am,” he replies with a smirk.
“I’ve always thought the accent was fake.”
“If it were, I’d be the greatest impersonator to walk the earth.”
“Impersonator?” you repeat. “And tell me, what is an impersonator but a talented liar?”
He gives you a grin. “I’ll take the compliment of talented, thank you.”
Leveling his gaze, you smile back and take a sip of your drink. “You know, I think that actually was proper English,” you muse. “Lack thereof. Your vocabulary - or lack thereof.” Harry bites his lip, eyes narrowed, staring at you, and you’re tempted to joke that his focus is lust when he replies, “It’s still wrong. I was saying your vocabulary is naive, and by saying I have none, you’re fundamentally saying the same. It’s redundant.”
Clearly satisfied with himself, he sits back, smiles smugly, and takes a sip of his coffee.
“Harry Styles,” you say, “I’m going to smack that smirk right off your pretty face.”
“Second compliment in a day!” Harry exclaims. “Someone alert the press.”
You roll your eyes, taking a sip of your own drink. “Why, they’d have a field day.”
The little cafe you’re in is absolutely adorable. It’s midway between your place and Harry’s, and after that fateful night in the hotel (during which you learned you live so close to each other), you began a tradition of meeting here once a week.
Tradition doesn’t end with just the location and time. Each meeting is almost exactly the same. You’re always late, and you always greet him the same way: some variation of “Have you fallen in love with me yet?”
And his reply is always the same: negative.
From there, the conversation wanders as much as it ever does, with one asking about the other’s week and the response being long and filled with complaints and woes and lamentations. The question is echoed back, and the response is - again - long, filled with complaints, woes, etc.
Despite the moaning and groaning, the mood never falls too low. It’s impossible to feel down around Harry Styles; just one look at those dimples makes a smile of your own appear on your face.
Your friendship with him has certainly blossomed. It’s a wonder he hasn’t fallen in love yet (or maybe he has, you’ll never know unless he says), and a greater wonder still that he hasn’t turned the question around on you.
Because the answer would be yes. You have, in fact, fallen in love with him.
Deeply, madly, in love.
But he’ll never know, because you’ll never say.
***
“I love you,” you tell Harry breathlessly, looking up at him lovingly. “Most ardently.”
Harry shakes his head. “No, no - I’m just a girl! I’m just a girl, standing in front of -”
“I’ll always be there for you!” you cut in excitedly. “All the love in my heart, Llo -”
“Michael, I love you!” Harry gushes. “Choose me, marry me, let me make you happy!”
You jump up and jut a finger at him dramatically. “We live in a cynical world!” you exclaim. “A cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you! You - you complete me!”
Harry jumps up to match you and begins, “I hate that -” then shakes his head and restarts, “I hate the way you’re always right, I hate it when you lie - I hate it when you make me laugh and - and - and even worse when you make me cry - I hate the way - I hate it when” - he’s grinning big now, jumping with excitement and passion - “you’re not around and the fact you didn’t call - but - but mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even a little bit, not even at all!”
It all came out in a rush of jumbled words and you’re so impressed you can’t help but sit back down and clap for him. Bright red, Harry takes a bow and collapses onto his couch next to you. “That took way too much effort,” he says, out of breath.
“It was worth it,” you tell him. “That was dazzling, really. You should go on the road.”
Harry nods. “One man show. Shakespeare. All of his long monologues, then bam - a poem better than all the others combined.” You giggle and fall into him, leaning against his chest with a sigh. “I’ll come with you,” you say. “Follow you to the ends of the earth and hold my breath to Pluto.”
“What’s that from?” Harry asks.
“That’s all me, baby.”
“Maybe the poem better than all the others combined could be yours.”
“Impossible,” you say immediately. “Nothing will ever beat Kat Stratford.”
“I’ll manage.”
You scoff. “You?”
“We.”
You shake your head. “There’s no ‘we’ in genius, Styles, but there is an I.”
“And a U!” Harry replies.
You look up at him.
“Wait.”
Snickering, you sit up and stretch your arms towards the ceiling. “Stick to memorization, maybe. Leave the heavy lifting to me. You need some practice on that speech, anyway - I counted at least three errors, not to mention the stuttering.”
“Practice makes perfect,” Harry sings. “What do you say, can I confess my love to you every night for the sake of practice?” You shake your head, standing up again and grabbing an empty container of food to throw away. “Not without losing the bet.”
Harry follows you, cleaning up as he goes. “Just for the one man show!”
“No exceptions.” You grin at him, grabbing your stuff and heading for the door. “Thanks for the food, Styles. I’ll see you Sunday?” Harry nods and blows you a kiss, which you catch and put in your pocket. “I’ll save that for when you lose the bet,” you tell him.
“Get outta here,” Harry laughs.
You stick your tongue out at him and stick a post it note on the door frame as you leave.
***
Harry usually wakes up to a few texts. Maybe a call every so often. Notifications from social media aren’t uncommon. The only days he wakes up to nearly a hundred texts are the nights you decide to go to the outlook.
Whether or not you like staying up late normally, you stay up until the wee hours of the morning to go to this place you found about three hours outside of the city. It’s a bit of a drive, but it’s completely worth it.
There’s a little woods out there, and a while ago you went a bit off path and found an outcropping of rocks that look out over the city. At night, stars are visible. There’s nothing you love more than lying for hours on the cool stone, gazing up at the heavens above.
The first time you took Harry to the outlook, you asked a question, and Harry’s answer to that question was one of the only lies he’s ever told you. You’d asked, “You’re not afraid of heights, are you?”
And Harry had said, “Of course not!” when in reality, he’d been looking for an opening to mention that very fear for the twenty minutes before, while you’d been climbing steadily uphill through the trees.
In his defense, there was no way he could’ve said anything different. You were just so happy, glowing with excitement and practically buzzing with energy. Plus, you’d grabbed his hand at the moment you asked to pull him up the last ridge and he was still a bit startled.
He never came to regret that lie. He grew out of the fear, anyway, so it wasn’t a huge deal. In fact, he’s almost come to love heights. He loves the thrill, the burst of happiness, the insane phenomenon of a racing heart and the feeling of being totally at peace all at the same time.
Incidentally, he also feels that way around you, whether the two of you are a hundred feet up or not. He’s always enjoyed spending time with you, and even just seeing you makes him happy. It’s what makes you a good friend.
Harry’s gone with you a few times to the outlook, but it’s usually pretty late by the time you want to go. Sometimes you’ll call him and he’ll pick up, and you’ll talk on the phone until one of you falls asleep.
You went last night, apparently, because Harry scrolls through seventy-two text messages this morning. It takes a while, since he reads all of them and then replies, but he woke up early anyway so it’s fine.
It’s Sunday, so he’s headed to the cafe to meet you. He has a cup of coffee even though he’ll get one at the cafe, too. There’s a sticky note on the coffee maker - Note to self: tell Harry there’s a snickers bar in his sweatshirt pocket - which you probably left a few days ago.
Harry smiles at the note, then frowns, sticking his hand in his pocket. There is, in fact, a Snickers bar in there, and Harry throws it out. It’s from almost a month ago, when you and him had an August Halloween. The sun is just a little too bright. Harry listens to music in the car, humming along and tapping his hands against the wheel in time.
You’re late, of course, so he orders his second cup of coffee and reads a newspaper on the shelf while he waits. Today it’s five minutes until you arrive, which is actually more on time than usual, and Harry throws you a large brimmed hat he found in his closet when you approach the table.
“What say you, Harry Styles,” you greet him, catching the hat and placing it on your head. “Make a jester laugh” - you form a heart with your fingers - “or make a jester cry?” Your heart cracks in two as you pout at him.
Breaking a finger-heart of his own, Harry grins. “Laughing clowns were always creepier to me,” he tells you. You trace a finger down your cheek like a tear and sit down across from him, sliding a menu from its place on the wall and beginning to read it over.
You look up at him, half smiling, a joke on your lips, and then -
Harry blinks.
Just like that, something’s changed.
You snap in front of his face. “Hello? Anything? You could at least pretend to laugh.”
“Christ, sorry,” Harry breathes. “What’d you say?”
Raising a brow, you lean forward and inspect him. “You alright, there, Styles?”
“If I were any better and it’d be obscene,” Harry answers easily, tapping your nose.
Grinning, you sit back. “Fantastic. Tell me, then, how it’s been. Fill me in.”
“It’s a lot better seeing you in that hat.”
“Oh, I forgot!” you exclaim, looking up at it.
Harry giggles and asks, “You wanna know what one hat said to the other?”
“Oh, boy.”
“I’ll see you on a-head!”
Groaning dramatically, you throw the hat at him and bury your face in your hands.
***
"This is getting embarrassing, Styles,” you say as you walk up to Harry.
He turns around, a smile already on his face, and begins, “What’s -”
He stops when he sees you, because you’re all dressed up. You look absolutely stunning, which was on purpose, because of course you want to see his reaction, whether he loves you or not. And it’s very satisfactory, this reaction.
“You look fantastic,” Harry says softly.
You clear your throat, a little put off by how serious he’s being. “That was the goal.”
His eyes float back up to meet yours, a small smile on his face. “Thank you for coming.”
“You’re welcome,” you chirp. “But don’t let your head get too big - I only came for the free food and movie.” Finally, the glaze over his eyes fades, and he grins at you. He takes your arm, and as you walk, he asks, “You started a thought, you know, about something embarrass-”
You scoff. “You asked me on a date, Styles!”
“I did not!” Harry insists. He shakes his head. “My date ducked out at the last second -”
Smirking, you cut in, “Wonder why, Mr. Pink Suit.”
“- we were going to match, thank you - but really, she ducked out, and I wasn’t about to waste two perfectly good tickets. Thus… here we are.” He nods, like he’s pleased with his answer, but you raise a brow at him. “That’s a terrible excuse. You can just say you love me. I’ll accept.”
You arrive at his car. “Not yet,” he says, and then he gets in.
He starts the car, and for a moment, you gaze out the window.
Then, breaking the silence, you say, “I like the suit.”
“I like the look.”
“Thanks, I came up with it all by myself.”
“Impressive.”
You wait a moment, and then ask, “What inspired the pink?”
“She said she wanted a pink rose.”
Frowning, you begin, “I thought you said pink roses are -”
“Yeah, they’re not my favorite,” he mumbles.
You snicker a little. “Oh, what a bad date in high school can get you…”
“Hey, don’t tease,” Harry whines with a pout.
“Sorry, sorry,” you murmur. “You’re nice to dress up anyway. No rose, though?”
Sheepishly, he tells you, “I… forgot.”
“You forgot?” you laugh.
“Yeah…”
“Well, um… well, it’s the thought that counts.”
Harry pulls into the parking lot and parks the car, then unlocks the doors. “Come on,” he says, but you frown at him, confused. “You know you pulled in the wrong way?” you ask, but he just beckons with his hand and opens the trunk.
You hadn’t even looked - there’s pillows back there, and candy, and blankets, and he flicks on little fairy lights. “Harry Styles, you romantic!” you gasp, enthralled. “Wow, I gotta meet this girl, if you’re doing all this for her…”
He sits down and pats the space next to him, then grabs a pack of candy - your favorite. He hands it to you, which you take with a slow smile. “Her favorite too?” you ask. “Nope,” Harry replies, shaking his head as he opens his own pack of candy. “Forgot to ask her, but when I called her in the store she wouldn’t pick up so I just… got yours.” He clears his throat and hands you a bag of popcorn. “There’s this, too.”
“Thanks, Styles.”
On the huge screen in front of you, the movie begins to roll. You take a risk, sliding a little on the seat so you’re leaning against Harry, head against his chest. You can feel him breathing, his heart beating, his arm around your waist, thumb gently moving back and forth over the fabric of your clothes.
You fall asleep for most of the movie.
When you wake up, you’re leaned against a pillow, not Harry. Frowning and out of sorts, you sit up and rub your eyes. He’s leaned against the car outside, on the phone, and you can just barely make out what he’s saying.
“... I know, it’s… Yeah, I - I’m sorry you couldn’t make it, love. I missed you…”
The familiar feeling of tears building behind your eyes horrifies you, and you have to turn your back to him as tears start slipping down your cheeks. You’d somehow managed to convince yourself that it was all a ruse, that he’d meant it to be you from the start, that there was no other girl, that all along it was -
“Hey,” Harry says.
You cough, palming away the tears on your face and yawning like you’d just woken up. “Oh, hey… How’s, um - how’s she doing? Or - whoever - I mean -” You squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head. “Sorry,” you whisper.
“She’s fine,” Harry tells you. “How are you? Took a pretty long nap there…”
“Yeah,” you murmur. “I was… I’m tired.”
“C’mon, then, let’s get you home.” He smiles at you, dimpling adorably, and holds out his hand. You take it and slide off the back of his car. “Thanks,” you say. He nods and shuts the trunk while you get into the passenger seat.
You don’t say anything as he starts the car, as he backs out and heads for your place. He glances over at you, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel, and eventually turns on the radio. You fold up a sticky note and covertly slide it into the center console.
“I’ll see you Sunday,” you tell him when he stops the car.
He nods. “See you then.”
You hold his gaze for a second, and then get out of the car. As you’re shutting the door, Harry says, “Hey!” and you stop. “Hey, er - thank you. For coming tonight. I know it was a little… It was a bit much.”
“Not too much at all,” you say softly. “Bye, Harry.”
You shut the door.
***
The sticky note business began about a year after Harry met you. He’d mentioned something about refrigerator magnets being the most charming form of communication ever invented, and the next day he found a sticky note on his mirror that said, Note to self: find a more charming form of communication than refrigerator magnets.
Harry doesn’t find the sticky note in his console until the next night, when he’s driving home after working late and he’s trying to find his phone. It’s ringing, and it’s your ringtone, which is really, really annoying because you set it to the worst song you could think of so he’d be motivated to pick it up fast.
It’s not in the center console. It’s actually in his pocket. He picks it up.
“Harry, you gotta tell me now,” you say immediately. “Do you love me?”
“I -”
“Love or care, Styles.” You sound breathless. “L or C. Lover or Cunt. Tell me now.”
“Cunt,” Harry says reflexively, and then shakes his head. “I mean -”
“You don’t love me.” You don’t sound upset at all. You’re just clarifying.
Harry frowns. “I… What’s going on?”
“Well, I think I love this guy, Styles, and I’m about to fuck him, so I’ll talk to you later.”
And then you hang up.
Harry stares at his phone for a moment. Then he puts it down, frowning at the street in front of him, and thinks for a while until he gets home. When he does, he’s shutting the center console, which he’d left open, and he sees the little post it note.
Note to self: buy a pink rose for h to make him like them bc they’re pretty
Sitting in his car, staring at the note, Harry can’t help but think he’s messed it all up.
***
Sunday. You don’t show up.
***
Another Sunday. Harry orders a coffee and reads the newspaper.
You don’t show up.
***
You answer a text.
He asks if you’re okay, and you say, Yup!
***
You send a text.
Hey, Styles? Can you bring me a flower?
***
He should’ve gone to your place first, Harry’s thinking. He should’ve checked there, and then gone here. But it’s too late now. He’s stepping out of his car, trekking through the forest, and he’s finally here, and -
You’re on your back, staring at the stars.
“You know, I really thought he was the one.”
Harry bites on his lip and fiddles with the flower in his hands. “Did you?”
There’s a beat of silence. Then you sigh and sit up. “No.”
“He didn’t - you’re not… You’re okay, right?”
“Nothing’s broken but my heart,” you murmur. “Physically, I’m fine, emotionally, I’m…”
You fade off, and Harry sits next to you and hands you the flower.
“Yellow,” you whisper. You look up at him, eyes wide in the moonlight. “Why yellow?”
“Color of your shirt the first time I met you.”
Smiling, you murmur, “Memory of an elephant.”
“I couldn’t remember her favorite candy,” Harry says impulsively. He shuts his eyes, exhaling softly. “Sorry. Wrong thing to say.” You shake your head, looking forward again. “It’s fine. How’s she doing?”
“Wouldn’t know.”
Surprised, you glance at him again. “You mean you -?”
Harry shrugs. “She said my priorities weren’t right. Then she said goodbye.”
“We’re just a coupla broken hearted fools, aren’t we?” you say quietly.
“Broken hearted, yes,” Harry replies, “but I’m not a fool. Don’t know about you.”
You scoff, hitting his chest with the back of your hand. “We’re having a moment here!”
“Sorry, sorry,” Harry says, but he’s laughing so the apology is moot.
There’s a beat of silence, and then you say, “I would’ve known about her if I hadn’t missed all our Sundays. I’m sorry.” Harry shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Did you have fun, at least? With Mr. Heartbreak?”
You giggle. “So much fun.”
“Well… that’s good, at least.”
He looks at you, really looks, and for a moment, he forgets himself.
You’re looking up at the stars, your head tilted up, your lips curved upwards in a smile.
Harry’s expression matches yours. It’s one of quiet awe, of happiness and joy and adoration. He’s smiling, too, but it’s not as conscious. It’s more reflexive, something he can’t help but do whenever he catches sight of this view. He’s not looking at the stars, though - his gaze is focused on you.
“Come on!” you exclaim suddenly, jumping up. “This is the perfect excuse to watch The Notebook again.” Harry blinks, standing up and following you back to his car. “You took the words right out of my mouth,” he says.
***
Ideally, on the anniversary of your meeting Harry, you’d both rent a hotel room and get drunk on the minibar, talking nonsense until morning, to properly reenact that first night together. Problem with that is that hotel rooms cost money.
So instead, you have a sleepover. Last year it was at your place, so this year it’s at his. The good thing about not being in a hotel is that you can buy normal size bottles of booze, rather than the teeny ones from the minibar.
He’s grabbing everything from the kitchen while you’re queueing up the movie on the TV in his room. It’s not cooperating, though, and you’re rooting through all the wires in the back to try and find something that’s supposed to be connected.
“Harry, if you don’t get in here this second!” you shout at him.
“Did you get the other remote?” he shouts back.
You groan and whine, “Just come in here!”
“I haven’t gotten everything yet! Look for the second remote. It’s in one of the drawers.”
“Which drawers?” you yell.
He doesn’t reply.
So you ruffle through the drawers closest to the TV. Books, papers, chargers. No remotes. You go further and find his record collection. A few photo albums. You stick a sticky note on the top one that says, Note to self: go through these. There’s more books. A few DVDs.
And then - a folder. It has a yellow flower on it.
Frowning, you glance at the door behind you and then flip it open. What must be a hundred post it notes fall out. Your jaw drops, just slightly, because they’re all from you. Every sticky note you’ve ever left him is in this folder. He kept them all.
“Did you find it?” Harry shouts.
You ask, “Find what?” but your voice is too soft and he doesn’t hear you.
He shouts your name again, and you quickly shove the folder back where you got it. You clear your throat, then yell, “Harry, I can’t find it!” Finally, he comes in, arms full of food and drink, and tugs open the top drawer on his bedside table with his foot.
And there it is.
“Have I got to do everything around here or what?” he jokes.
You give him a laugh and set up the TV, which works just fine now that you have the right tools. Harry sets everything down and puts his hands on his hips, raising a brow at you. “You alright?” he asks.
“Yeah, fine,” you tell him. “Just grew a few white hairs waiting for you to come back.”
He sticks his tongue out and tosses a bag of chips at you. “Ha, ha, very funny.”
Finally, the movie’s set up, and you lean against his bed, sighing in contentment as the opening credits start to play. Harry hands you a glass and holds his own out, which you knock against your own. “Cheers, Styles,” you say. “To five years.”
“And counting.”
Grinning, you drink up and then settle back to watch the film.
***
His voice is thick.
Like honey.
It drips off his tongue, catches on his lips, slides down the column of his throat and glistens in the dim light. It’s rich. Deep. It turns to crystal in the cool air around you as his words fade off. You want to reach out and feel it on your fingers, want to taste it on your tongue, want to feel it slide over your lips, down your throat…
“... and then, suddenly, I was flying out the window with the worst pain I’ve ever -”
“Harry,” you interrupt with a giggle, “this is the third time you’ve told this story tonight.”
“It’s a good story!”
“Lemme see,” you say, crawling forward, and you’re on his lap now but you can’t really bring yourself to care because this is for scientific purposes. Harry grins and puts his hands on your waist and you giggle again and put your fingers on his jaw. “Lemme see your tongue.”
“Wanna see it or touch it?”
You smirk and reply, “How ‘bout lick it?”
“That’s gross!” Harry exclaims with a delighted laugh.
“I know!” you exclaim back, equally delighted.
“It’s broken,” Harry says, but he’s opening his mouth so it comes out all warbled. “I’m broken, you know -” You peer at his tongue, but it doesn’t look very broken. “No, you’re not,” you tell him.
“On the inside,” Harry says, pouting at you.
You laugh and wrap your arms around his neck, nestling your head on his shoulder in a hug. “You’re warm,” you say, “that’s what you are.” Harry nods against you, running his hands up and down your back. “You fix me,” he slurs into your neck.
“That’s so romantic!” you giggle.
You sit there for a second, breathing him in, feeling happy, and then suddenly -
“I’m roasting,” Harry says, and it’s morning.
“I’m so hot,” you groan, “and my head hurts so bad…”
Harry grunts and pushes against you. “Get off me.”
You open your eyes, squinting in the sunlight, and fall off of him and onto the floor.
He stands up, moaning and groaning, and walks out. You may have fallen asleep again because when he comes back in and hands you a glass of water and some medicine you’re blinking back awake. “Thanks,” you mumble, downing both.
“That was something,” Harry says.
“Something for sure,” you say.
“I can’t move,” Harry says.
“Me neither.”
So you don’t. The day drags on, and when you’re both coherent enough for food you go to the kitchen. Harry cooks something up, and you eat it, sitting next to him at the kitchen island. You feel his foot against yours, and you play a half-delirious game of footsie as you finish eating.
Once you’re all done, Harry stands up and starts to wash the dishes. You watch him, watch his back and his arms and the way he moves, and stand up and stand next to him, grabbing a dish towel and holding out your hand. He hands you the plate, and you dry it.
It’s comfortable, the silence, and it’s more than peaceful, standing there drying dishes with Harry in the early afternoon. There aren’t many dishes, but you both take your time, and eventually he breaks the silence and the productivity to put on some music.
And then, suddenly, you’re dancing, a smile on your face that you can’t seem to get rid of curving your lips as you float around the kitchen with him. He’s bopping along to the song, hand in yours, dish towel over his shoulder after he stole it from you.
The dancing carries you to the living room, where he twirls you out so you can collapse onto the couch. He does the same, and you put your feet on his lap, head on the armrest, looking at him.
“You’re staring,” he says.
“You’re in front of me.”
“Excuses, excuses.”
You raise a brow, smiling and still holding his gaze, and then sit up. “Staring contest, go.”
Instantly, he blinks, and you laugh, “Fuck’s sake.”
“No, no, again,” he demands, grinning, and he blinks quickly a few times before declaring, “Go.” The staring begins. Your eyes begin to sting, and you bite your lip, trying to keep your eyes open.
“We should watch Bird Box,” Harry whispers.
“Saw it last week.”
“I saw it,” he corrects. “You hid behind your hands the entire time.”
“You were the one screaming like a baby.”
“I prefer rom-coms, you know that.”
“Sometimes you need a little variety in life.”
“I lost the bet.”
You blink.
“Victory,” Harry says, a bit weakly, blinking too.
Your brows furrow. “What?”
“Victory,” Harry repeats, smiling sheepishly.
“No, no, before that,” you insist, shaking your head.
“I lost the bet,” Harry repeats softly.
You swallow thickly. “What bet?”
Harry bites his lip, concentrating, and then stands up and walks away. You scoff, following him, and ask again. “What bet?” He shakes his head, quiet, and opens his refrigerator, looking for something.
“Harry, for the love of -”
He holds out a kiss. A chocolate kiss.
Your eyes widen.
He steps closer, holding the kiss out on his palm. “I lost the bet,” he says. “I fell in love with you.” Your breath catches in your throat. “I don’t know if you feel the same,” he goes on, “so I… I don’t want to kiss you. I mean - I do, but -”
He holds the kiss closer to you. “I lost,” he finishes quietly.
You can’t find the right words.
So instead, you close the distance and kiss him.
The chocolate kiss falls to the floor, and fireworks erupt behind your eyelids.
After a moment, the words come.
And then, when you pull away for a moment, you both speak at the same time -
“I love you.”
Laughter bubbles from your lips, and Harry grins, kissing you again.
“So I guess I didn’t lose after all,” he murmurs.
You smile against his lips. “Let’s call it a tie.”
***
AHHHH there it is!!!! i actually did write this in like . two days . which was ! great haha but i hope u liked it!!!! if u did, feedback and a reblog would be much appreciated 💜
thanks for reading!
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leviiattacks · 4 years ago
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Hi, you're a very talented writer and your works are very beautiful. Can I request one where Levi's fem s/o does the ignore your boyfriend prank? Thank you so much and take care of yourself ❤️
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author note :: thank youuu i’m glad you think that anon !! this isn’t good at all bc i’m just very sick and yeah,,, i’m sorry if this doesn’t live up to your expectations but i needed something to do and ended up finishing this. hmmm what is this is it fluff?? idk it’s captain levi and survey corps member reader though :-) requests are open so feel free to drop by if you’d like :D word count :: 3.4k 
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you should NOT be bothering levi as much as you are because he understands you need your own space to relax sometimes
but come on... you’ve been ignoring him for an unreasonable amount of time now??
and he’s not talking about groggy ignoring, it’s not the type you do when you’ve just awoken from a restless night’s sleep
no. you’re talking to everyone apart from him.
and it’s driving him up a literal wall
did he do something wrong???
has he made a mistake so large that you’re too scared to bring it up???
are you finally sick of him??
will you break up with him?
levi winces when thinking of that specific question
but he’s the type to silently keep his worries to himself as soon as he sees any indication of a bad omen
currently, he’s mentally preparing himself for you to break the news to him any day now
but little does he know you’ve just pulled a prank hoping for him to whine and complain a little
the point of this all is to elicit an out of character reaction
;-)
the idea came from historia at first
her playing such a foul trick on ymir didn’t go unnoticed and little by little ymir’s resolve crumbled away throughout the day
she went quite literally ballistic trying to get historia’s attention
and watching it all play out made you want to try it out with levi
you’d be a FOOL not to
WELL!!!! the fun part about this is that you’re a bit actually, no. a lot, more stubborn than historia!!!
and instead of committing to the prank for a day you’ve chosen to see how far you can stretch this out
if you have to drag it out for two days so be it
you have good reason to
levi isn’t the most affectionate man, your relationship is kept a total secret from all of the cadets
meaning pda never happens
and,,, listen you would love to kiss him before expeditions without having to drag him behind your horse for cover
to be frank the back of a horse does smell rather unpleasant and it’s not as romantic as you’d like for it to be
honestly you’d rather have everyone stare and gawk in awe watching the two of you make out
seeing them put two and two together realizing what it is that’s going on between you and the captain would be hilarious
especially since reiner said last week he could never picture levi dating anyone
AND!! he even had the audacity to say he thinks someone like him would never date someone on the team
is it really not that obvious to them?
do you and levi lack chemistry?
silently fuming you walk away and even then none of the cadets get the hint
but you do think mikasa has known for a while. her senses are sharp and whenever she sees you and levi together she makes a u-turn heading in the opposite direction away from the both of you
but even if she does she isn’t going to tell anyone about it unless she’s directly asked so it’s not like the cat will be out of the bag any time soon
it’s silly getting worked up over reiner’s comments but it’s kinda disheartening having the relationship be kept a secret
and you thought even if it was there would be at least a hint of a rumour, like it should be decently obvious it’s been months since the two of you began to see each other
ESSENTIALLY, this is your plan to “accidentally” let the cadets figure it out
eventually levi will have to get restless enough to do something bold
that’s what you think will happen
but then the reality of the situation hits you at the end of the first day
he seems to be dealing with it just fine ?????
after giving him the cold shoulder he shows no signs of returning at all
...
WHY IS IT NOT WORKING???
mayday mayday mayday....?!??
red alert....?!??
you are about to bang your head against a wall he’s the one who’s meant to be suffering over this not you
but again, you’re stubborn and won’t give in easily
by the end of day one levi has approached you two times
two...
each time you’ve given him completely blunt responses
it’s frustrating you that he’s just dealing with it as it comes
and when he does speak to you it’s not to ask what’s wrong
the first time he approaches you is to ask if you’ve seen petra around which makes your blood boil a little because everyone knows petra has a big, fat, MASSIVE crush on him
you know he won’t ever reciprocate or anything for a number of reasons but you can’t help but feel annoyed
the second time he speaks to you is to ask if you’re willing to help hange out with some paperwork
??????
he doesn’t even look interested in asking you what’s wrong
honestly you would drop this plan but you’re in too deep now
may as well keep it up.
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the second day rolls around and it’s not your best day
you burn breakfast
trip over a broom and hit your leg rather hard against the dining table
spill an ENTIRE cup of tea over hange’s important documents
and you haven’t slept a wink after overthinking your relationship status for hours on end
maybe this prank wasn’t a great idea
you’re hunched over the documents close to tears not knowing how you can save them now
there’s nothing you can do and even though you know hange will be okay with it, (they’ve never cared much for paperwork) you just don’t want to inconvenience them with this mess
“y/n?”
looking up you see eren standing by the doorway of the kitchen watching with a humored expression as you place paper towels over the disaster you’ve created
“captain’s looking for you.”
perking up a little internally you make sure to remain as disinterested as possible on the surface
“what does he need?”
“i don’t know he didn’t say.”
“tell him i’m busy.”
and that’s all that occurs during day two
you pass by levi and occasionally his gaze flicks to you but he doesn’t take any action to address you in public or in private
you end up going to bed even more disappointed than you were the first night
the prank definitely isn’t going the way you want and instead of it leading to levi cornering you in front of everyone and dipping you into a dreamy swoon worthy kiss it’s led to you developing doubts.
many doubts.
but you aren’t giving up any time soon, now more than ever you want to be reassured levi even wants this relationship because he’s not acting like it
it’s admittedly a bitch move on your part for pulling this prank in the first place but you expected him to ask how you were doing it has been forty-eight hours after all
if the roles were reversed you’d force him into a room until he would tell you
so you can’t explain his weird behaviour at all
maybe he doesn’t like you as much as you think
that thought makes your eyes sting at the corners
he’s always been reserved and a little lost when it comes to opening up but you’re beginning to lose hope if he finds it this hard to ask if you’re okay
drifting off to sleep before you can wallow in your thoughts any more you wish tomorrow is better
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it’s the third day and to say you’re exhausted is an understatement
midday and you’re training in the sweltering heat
the lack of sleep you’ve had recently paired with your stress isn’t doing you any good
a little dizzy you attempt to hold onto a nearby tree for stability but end up somehow missing the mark by a MILE??
tumbling to the floor painfully you hiss at the collision and rub the back of your head which is now sore
footsteps approach you in a hurry and for the first time in days you’re face to face with levi
“you okay?” concern is very much evident in his voice and that eases your nerves
without you even responding he’s turning you around just to check in case
nodding wordlessly you try to get to your feet when you feel a shift.
your ankle without warning gives out on you and you’re sent crashing back down to the ground
closing your eyes and bracing for impact you’re pleasantly surprised when levi catches you by the waist
your weight is leaning onto him and you’re looking down to the floor
hange is yelling from across the courtyard telling levi to drop you off at the infirmary but he doesn’t need to be told that
his instincts do the talking for him and he’s already slung you over his shoulder and begins carrying you towards the base
“levi. put. me. down. this position’s embarrassing.”
he doesn’t respond and you can hear sasha and connie cackling at the compromising situation
swatting his back you’re huffing and puffing yet he’s still ignoring you
you’re being given the silent treatment but you suppose you do deserve it
sighing you deal with the stares you receive on the way there
this is levi and at this point nothing is seen as abnormal when he does it
you can’t really look behind you to see levi’s expression either but when a cadet walks past and mouths “y/n, what the hell did you do??” you know you’re in for it
eventually he reaches the infirmary and without even letting you get a word in he plops you onto the bed albeit a little rough
“what’s with the cold shoulder?” he places both his arms by your sides leaving you trapped
“i-”
“if you want to break up you can just say that instead of beating around the bush.”
you’re stunned by the harsh tone of his voice, he doesn’t have his usual soft timbre and your eyes glaze over in defense
“you want to break up?” your question hangs in the air
chewing at your lip anxiously you know if you bite any harder you’ll draw blood
“i don’t care. if that’s what you want, sure.”
oh.
oh no.
this isn’t going how you planned
nails digging into the flesh of your palms you hang your head low
he doesn’t care at all
if that’s what you want????? really???? that’s his response??? he won’t even fight for you???
it’s silent as he bandages your ankle and you’re burning in a mix of embarrassment and fury.
“i was just pull-” choking up in the middle of your sentence you feel yourself automatically frown
“i was just pulling a prank on you. you know how historia did with ym-“
really you’ve always been terrible at holding back your tears and a few spill over the edge and you sob
why are you like this why why why why why?????
yeah,, you get why everyone calls you overly emotional from time to time but really you swear you feel your heart shatter a little at how levi’s acting
shielding your eyes with your sleeve you cower away from him
lord have mercy.
levi wants to curl up into a ball and die from the wave of embarrassment that hits him
a prank.
a trick.
and he didn’t catch on.
and now you’re crying.
because he thought acting tough and cold in case you wanted to break up with him made perfectly logical sense???
spoiler : it didn’t make any sense...
but now it’s made him look like he hates you??
but he doesn’t hate you
no, no, no. not at all.
he could never hate you.
you’re always willing to help anyone out, you’re genuine, always say sorry even when you don’t need to, unapologetically yourself at any moment, you’re fearful yet push it all aside to be courageous and most of all he loves your little hobbies because who in their right mind actually enjoys gardening??
he’s convinced people who say they like gardening are looking for something unique to make themselves stand out but really you enjoy it and it’s quite cute
ok, ok no more getting side tracked whilst talking about your love for plants
he could name so much more he admires about you but he’d be here all day
“i tried to talk to you yesterday but after you refused i thought you hated me and wanted to break up. that’s why i was acting like that just now.” he slowly tries to explain his point to you
“i know i’m hard to love so when you began to ignore me out of the blue i figured you didn’t want to-”
cutting him off without giving him the option of finishing his sentence you’re wide eyed in horror. he was NOT meant to interpret the prank this way.
“levi?? for as long as i’m alive i’ll never get tired of you. i promise.” his heart rate shoots and the intense magnetism between the two of you becomes stronger by the second
you pause for a second gathering yourself.
“and i’m sorry i should’ve thought about how you’d feel. the reason i did it was stupid.”
levi kneels by the bed and takes your hand in his, he graciously lifts the sleeve of your uniform and ducks down to press a soft kiss onto your wrist.
your heart flutters seeing him be so careful and gentle with you and bashfully you look away
guilt overwhelms you at that moment because you really are horrible for putting him through all of that.
levi cares for you he does
he may be silent about it and not the best at being public with it but you know how he feels.
you feel it in the way he looks at you
you feel it when he helps you mount your horse
you feel it when he double checks your harnesses before expeditions
you feel it when he tends to your injuries
and, you definitely feel it right now when it sinks in that he was acting like he hated you just so you wouldn’t feel bad if you really did want to break up with him.
he’s always been bad at picking up on hints and cues so you now understand why he interpreted it as you wanting nothing to do with him
of course he wouldn’t ask how you were if it looked like you wanted to skin him alive
“what was the reason for the prank?” he inquisitively asks genuinely wanting to know what it is he can do for you
“i...” you’re wandering off and suddenly don’t want to tell him
“i wanted you to kiss me.” you whisper in a rush
he cocks an eyebrow up even more lost. “i kiss you all the time?”
“i mean, in front of everyone else.”
he blinks and his mouth forms into an “O” shape
it’s a little awkward now
he doesn’t bring it up again so you assume he doesn’t like the idea of letting everyone know just yet
and that’s okay!! you respect that!!
after all, you can’t get mad at him for it, it’s the best choice.
you don’t want people to accuse him of having bias towards you and it’ll probably upset petra and hinder her performance if her crush just suddenly starts dating out of nowhere
your gaze is back on levi and he’s now double checking the bandage on your ankle after tending to it
“you can’t walk for a few weeks.” he tsks
“be careful next time.” he’s always been blunt when he does show he cares and you warmly smile after not talking to him in days.
you feel the need to apologize again
“to make it clear i really am sorry, i should have thought more about you.”
he scoffs and rolls his eyes
“i’m overjoyed that my beautiful girlfriend doesn’t want to break up with me. now, stop moping around about it i’m over it.”
he scoops you up effortlessly and you wrap your arms around his neck.
“y/n, for the record, i’ll work on not jumping to the worst case scenario first.”
you love this aspect of your relationship
being able to understand how your flaws impact the other and choosing to make changes or adjustments
it’s sweet and you must be smiling like an idiot when thinking of it because levi blows a puff of air onto your forehead knocking you out of your daydream
feeling a little less light headed than before you notice he’s walking back out towards the courtyard
why is he doing that...?
“you’re walking in the wrong direction?”
“no i’m not.” he replies with a smug grin
oh my god
no he isn’t
oh my god
is he???
you’re bright pink in the face as you turn to look at him panicking when you hear hange’s group returning
eren can be heard arguing with jean as per usual and now you’re smacking levi’s chest even harder
“you don’t have to do this no, no, no. it’s okay really.” it’s funny how you’re begging him not to do what you’ve been waiting on for three days
but you really don’t want him to feel like he has to do this
as if he’s read your mind he replies. “i’m doing this with my own free will.”
he gives you one last grin and pushes you up against the wall, your back is against the cold yet solid surface and you tense up
oh god. it’s happening he’s diving down and it’s as if everything is moving in slow motion.
gradually you feel the familiar feeling of your heart jumping out of your chest
both of your lips mould together, he’s hoisting you up again preventing you from slipping away. hungry hands grip at your thighs and a knowing smile twitches across his mouth.
nipping at his bottom lip he groans and you nearly forget why it is he’s kissing you
that is until you hear a SCREAM from your right
“eren what the fuck are you yelling at?” jean’s voice can be heard scowling in the distance but you’re too distracted by levi’s mouth to care
eren must be speechless because nothing is heard until jean reaches the scene
“OH. MY. GOD.”
“WHERE IS REINER??? HE’S NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.”
“you’re both overreacting.” mikasa makes her appearance and you’re not sure if she’s seen you and levi yet because your eyes fluttered shut long ago
“Y/N AND THE CAPTAIN????? WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE MIKASA??” eren’s voice sounds so distressed you guess you’re right for assuming he may have had a crush on you at some point
“it was obvious, i don’t know how no one else knew.”
finally levi pulls away and you’re panting practically gasping for any traces of air
“what you looking at brats?” levi snaps in their direction and mikasa nonchalantly shrugs and walks away
jean and eren however, dash away at LIGHTENING speed probably on their way to let everyone else know of the shocking new development
levi pecks your forehead and you nudge your nose against his.
since that day you and levi have been able to get away with a lot more pda
you can hold his hand and stare at how pretty your hands look laced together
you can nuzzle your face into his neck without any questions 
you can loop arms with him and even if he acts like he doesn’t enjoy it he genuinely does like walking around with you latching onto his bicep
although he still prefers the privacy of his office he’s more than happy to give in once in a while
and at the end of the day you’re ecstatic because there’s no more kissing behind your horse!!!
GONE ARE THOSE DAYS
wooHOO
honestly, you’re over the moon about it 
and so is levi
:-)
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dreamologisth2o · 3 years ago
Text
Why I Believe Endersmile Is Canon
Because I’m on a bit of an Endersmile binge--
This is all gonna be very messy and just me putting my thoughts together and I’ll probably not be going through the VODs for exact timestamps or anything because that’s exhausting and I applaud the people who do, but here are my thoughts on Endersmile and why I’m 100% convinced it’s canon. They’re besties your honor.
/rp Any names mentioned are referring to their dsmp characters and not the streamers themselves unless specified
First off: The Disc. Dream trusts Ranboo, a lot. He trusts him so much that he literally gave Ranboo one of the two discs he needed to pull off his big plan at the finale. He trusted Ranboo, so much that Ranboo deciding to give the disc back to Tommy or Tubbo wasn’t an option, even though Ranboo was friends with both, which he knew. I don’t know why he gave Ranboo the disc, or how he got the disc from Skeppy in the first place, and I’m sure he did have a hundred and one back up plans for if Ranboo did decide to give Tommy the disc, but asking Ranboo to hold onto the disc in the first place means Dream trusted him to a degree, and that’s big coming from Mr. “Reserved”.
Second: Knowing Dream’s Voice. Ranboo knows/remembers Dream’s voice well enough that he hears it whenever he’s in the panic room, that his subconscious uses Dream’s voice to force Ranboo to confront his fears. For a guy who hasn’t had any one on one time or conversations with Dream in VC on stream, he sure does a really good job imagining his voice. /s 
Basically, they must have spoken, a lot. They must have spent time together outside planning for things or exchanging items or whatever. So much time, in fact, that Dream and Ranboo both end up sharing the same ideology of “People not sides” of “One big happy family” of “Being the person that stops conflicts” of “Being on all sides” of “Mediating between those sides” of “Choosing the side they think is right”. 
During Ranboo’s prison visit dream/nightmare, the Voice tells Ranboo that the only reason Ranboo hasn’t been hearing it lately, is because he hasn’t been speaking with Dream as often. That Ranboo and Dream had talked with each other nearly everyday. And I’m inclined to believe that because the mere existence of the voice proves he’s heard Dream’s voice a lot, or he has a very good memory of Dream’s voice, which, considering his memory problems probably isn’t the case. This is further supported by how ever since Dream’s been in prison, ever since Ranboo banned himself from the prison, he hasn’t heard even a hint of Dream’s voice, not even as he’s remembering more and more.
Third: The Disc War Finale. During the disc war finale, we have in universe proof and out of character confirmation from both cc!Dream and cc!Ranboo that the characters had been staring at each other during the entire thing. Some friends on a discord server have also pointed out how Ranboo appeared to be avoiding Tommy’s gaze unless Tommy’s distracted. And during the entire thing Ranboo’s the only one not holding out a weapon, instead he’s got a book and quill in his hand. We’ve now also got confirmation that Ranboo was Enderwalking during the Disc War Finale, which makes all the strange behaviors make sense because if they’re friends, if they’re allies, then Ranboo didn’t show up to fight Dream. Then Dream might’ve been trying to convey something to Ranboo, like perhaps trying to keep Ranboo from doing something stupid and revealing their alliance. Especially if he planned on being put in Pandora, he really doesn’t need his friend to try and “save” him and ruin the whole plan.
Fourth: The Voice. I am inclined to believe the things the voice says. Why? Because everything the voice is talking about are all the things Ranboo doesn’t want to confront, doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to remember. The voice isn’t malicious. It’s not even Dream, it’s just using Dream’s voice to make Ranboo listen. And Ranboo knows it’s just himself. (also out of character confirmation from the cc!s that the voice is NOT Dream and never has been, it’s just a manifestation of all the shit Ranboo’s repressed coming up and slapping him in the face) Everything the voice does, all the things it says, is trying to get Ranboo to remember the “bad” things he’s done, to remember that he was on Dream’s side. To force him to face that side of himself that might be capable of doing bad things, if there’s a good enough reason. It exaggerates things, it makes them out to be worse than they actually are, but that’s how it’s able to get Ranboo’s attention, that’s how it’s able to force him to think about those things. Ranboo won’t do anything until he’s forced to face the problem, the Voice is just trying to get Ranboo to do that.
This is why I believe Ranboo DID blow up the community house. Why he’s working with or has worked for Dream in the past. Why he willingly gave Dream his memory book, possibly to create a visible conflict between them and ensure no one would connect them as allies, like what Dream wanted to do with Punz. And also because the other things it’s said, such as Ranboo being given the Cat disc to hold onto, have been proven to be true. Nothing the Voice has said has been confirmed a lie. And many of the things it’s talked about aren’t things we or Ranboo can find the answer to unless he talks to Dream, which is until the dude’s rescued from the prison, isn’t happening. (cc!Dream where’s your Dream lore?!?!?!)
That said, if Ranboo was the one to blow up the community house, then Dream was covering for him during the Disc War Finale. He didn’t have to. He could’ve thrown Ranboo under the bus. But he chose to take on that blame, make himself look even worse in the eyes of everyone gathered there while he was at their mercy, to protect Ranboo from similar persecution. Doesn’t this remind you of anything? And Ranboo’s got a track record of making friends with those who help him.
Fifth: The Visits. Ranboo has visited Dream in prison multiple times. At the very least at least 2 times that we have direct confirmation of, and probably even more. His visits are consistent enough that just a few days after Ranboo bans himself from the prison, Dream notices and starts a strike, tells Sapnap that Ranboo’s stopped visiting, asks him, his best friend who literally threatened to perma-kill him if he were to ever leave his horrible situation, to send a message to Ranboo. (which, I guess Dream still kinda trusts Sapnap despite everything that’s happened, huh?) 
Why would Ranboo visit? Unless they’re friends, unless they’re allies? Because even Dream’s so called best friend only ever visited once. Even Bad who Dream claims to have been the nicest only ever visited once. And while Tommy and Quackity visited more than once, their multiple visits have very clear reasons behind them, while Ranboo’s just, don’t. 
And consider: How did Ranboo know about the things that were said during the Disc War Finale, word for word, line for line, that he wasn’t present for, unless someone’s told him? Unless he heard about it from Dream himself. Unless that was what they were talking about. Unless that’s part of the reason Ranboo kept visiting Dream. 
Sixth: The Lessons. I don’t know about you, but giving life lessons to someone sounds like something you’d do with a friend, and not just a “puppet”. The whole lessons book gives off really mentor mentee vibes, and considering how Ranboo’s following in Dream’s goal of stopping conflict and uniting the server, well. And the lessons aren’t even malicious, or designed to push Ranboo away from others. In fact, many of them, especially the last few ones we see, are designed to protect Ranboo! Unless Ranboo’s safety was a top priority for Dream, there’s not much reason to pass those lessons down. This lines up incredibly well with Dream taking the blame of the community house’s destruction during the Disc War Finale, as well as his protective streak at his own expense when it comes to his allies and the people he cares about. Which means Ranboo is someone he cares about, which means they’re friends! They’re besties your honor!
Seventh: Ranboo’s Vehement Denial. Ranboo is infamous for being an unreliable narrator, for being in incredible denial despite all evidence supporting otherwise. Which means his vehement denial that Dream can be anything but bad is a fairly obvious red flag that that’s not true, and that Ranboo has reason to believe it’s not true, but chooses to actively ignore or forget those reasons and attempts to reinforce the “everything’s Dream’s fault, he can never change and will always be bad” mentality, that sounds like something he stole from Tommy or c!Dream antis, because he doesn’t want to face the fact that he has reasons for believing the opposite. At this point, I am 100% on board with the idea that all these unprompted instances of Dream hate is just a blatant cover up of how that’s not true at all. (Which he touches on, ever so briefly, when he renovates the second stronghold room)
Aaaaand that’s it! For the most part. I could touch on how Enderboo is hoarding all the backbone in this relationship and that the dynamic between Enderboo and Ranboo is closer to that of someone waking up after a sugar high or going for three days straight without sleep than it is two completely separate people or someone who’s literally sleepwalking (and that “Enderboo” is his normal state and “Ranboo” is the sleep deprived not thinking straight state). But this post is already obscenely long and I should end it here. 
TL;DR: They’re besties, your honor.
Anyways, if you got this far, thanks for reading!
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